#im always in awe and amazed by how he isn’t bitter because of the way they treated jitb | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hwangsies · 4 years ago

Text

zephyr

(n) a gentle breeze

pairing: seo changbin x female reader (hwang hyunjin x female reader)

genre: rebound to fwb to dumbasses to lovers(?), college!au, undergroundrappers!3racha

warnings: angst: mentions of infidelity, heartbreak and abuse, seemingly unrequited love, they are both so dumb and prideful its annoying, fluff, bad attempt at comedy, minsung on the side, cursing, alcohol consumption, smut: protected piv, oral (f), studio sex, praise, mild degradation, hair pulling, mild spanking

wc: 10k

enjoy <3

September

"y/n?" you hear your roommates faint voice calling out your name.

You dont bother to answer because you know she's going to come into your room at any second now.

And you're right. "y/n??" Your door opens a few seconds later.

You groan in response, not looking up and instead staying in your little cocoon of blankets.

"no babygirl what are you doing?" you feel the bed shift under lias weight when she sits down.

"what does it look like i'm doing?" you grumble back, her hand gently rubbing over your arm.

"sulking, babe" she replies, dropping her purse to the ground.

"10 points for griffyndor" you sniffle as you scooch and sit up, pushing the blankets half off of you at which she sighs.

"wooyoung was not that good of a boyfriend for you to still be crying over him" lia presses her lips together concernedly.

She's right, you know it. It has almost been two months and you still feel like crying everytime someone mentions him.

"i know" you nod somewhat defeatedly "still, i was with him for almost a year and" you hiccup "he literally ripped my heart out and trampled on it"

"i know" lia nods understandingly "but i do think it would help if you went out again, even if its just for a night, you know just to be around people"

"it probably would but i just dont have the energy for it" you shrug your shoulders.

"i get it, girl, i really do" she pats your knee "both of my exes cheated on me, my only luck was that they were both awful at hiding it so i found out pretty quickly" she huffs.

You force out a chuckle, from what you heard from one of the girls that wooyoung cheated on you with, was that it started 3 months into your relationship.

"this the most humiliating thing ever, lia" you scoff "being with someone for so long, trusting them and telling them all your secrets and you think they are doing the same for you but then realizing that they were faking it all along to have multiple side chicks, and the fact that i was too oblivious to figure it out is the icing on the cake" you rub your forehead, feeling a migrane approach due to the sheer amount of crying you've been doing.

She seems to know what's happening and hands you the water bottle next to your bed "hydrate, sis"

So, you do. Taking four big gulps out of the water bottle.

Once you place the bottle next to you and tie your hair in a messy bun, you look at your roommate more thuroughly now that the tears are wiped away.

"you look pretty" you compliment her makeup and casual yet chic outfit "what'd you do tonight?"

Her contagious grin spreads over her face, eyes turning into little crescents.

"chris took me to the fair in town" lia grins before her face drops "I'm sorry, this is maybe not the time to ta-"

"No! It is, tell me about it" you interrupt her.

"O-okay" she nods hesitantly "well, i dont know if you've been keeping track but today was our fourth date and it was amazing" she gushes.

"I cant believe how much i like him, like, its crazy" she squeals a little, at which you giggle.

"so, fourth date huh? And he hasnt tried to get into your pants yet?" you quip.

"nope, i initiated our first kiss and other than that nothing" she whispers the last words before laughing.

"thats great" you smile, genuinely happy for her.

"Hmm yea" she sings as she gets up "i'll go to bed now too"

"Oh, hey, i have an idea" lia speaks up when standing in your doorway "chris has this performance thingy in two days, you should totally come!" she offers enthusiastically.

"he has a band?" you ask, partly to distract her from her offer.

"Hmm not really a band, they're a trio and there is this performance on saturday where a bunch of underground artists perform, i didnt fully listen if im honest" she giggles "but you should come with me!!" she jumps excitedly.

"i dont kno-"

"y/n pleasee? You'd do me a huge favor too because i dont know anyone there" lia pleads, clutchig her hands together.

"you know chris" you rebuttal.

"and what am i supposed to do when he's performing? stand around like an idiot? please y/n" she pouts.

"I dont really think this is my type of crowd..." you scratch your head.

"please please please" she jumps once more.

You sigh and tilt your head as you look at her sternly.

"one of his friends is single" she adds carefully.

"and cute" she sings "from what ive seen in pictures" she adds.

"lia" you groan.

"I'll do your laundry for two weeks if you come with me"

"you will?" Your head snaps towards her.

"yes i will! i promise, just come with me, please?"

A long sigh leaves your lips "okay"

The strong bass of the loud music rings in your chest as soon as you step foot into the club where “3racha” is supposed to be performing tonight.

Lia comes to a halt and you almost run into her because you were to busy checking out the venue and the other people around you.

“sorry” you mumble and hold onto her arm to avoid getting lost in the crowd.

She pulls out her phone and clicks on her and hers and chris’s chat, to figure out where to meet them, you assume.

“okay” lia puts her phone back into her jeans pocket and grabs your hand “they’re backstage, lets go”

“can we just go there?” you almost yell for her to understand what you’re saying.

“yea! Chris said he’ll make sure we’ll get in, come on” she tugs at your hand for you to walk faster.

You waddle behind her, barely dodging some drunk guys beer that goes flying before you arrive at the sign that says “artists only” and a black curtain behind it.

The guy standing infront of it raises a brow at the two of you before pointing at said sign “read ladies, no fans allowed”

“hey, they’re with me” a guy, you assume to be chris, taps on his shoulder and shows his artists badge, half of his body still covered by the curtain.

The bigger guy sighs and lets you through.

“thank you” lia lets go of your hand to loop her arms around chris’s neck once behind the curtain, they kiss and you look around.

Not because you are particularly uncomfortable, maybe still just a little bitter at happy couples.

You audibly clear your throat when they are still making out after a good ten seconds.

“oh-uhm” lia looks back at you after breaking the kiss “chris, this is y/n, y/n, chris” she giggles.

“hi y/n, nice to meet you” he gives you a quick hug and a smile full of dimples, finally understanding why your roommate is always swooning about him.

“hi” you smile back, somewhat forced.

“lets go to our dressingroom” chris suggests and leads the way.

Opening the door, he lets you and lia walk in first.

One guy is dancing around in the middle of the room, singing along to the current song that’s being played in the background with a water bottle as a pretend mic.

Another is one sitting on the small couch and laughing at him.

“oh, hi” the guy stops singing and quickly hides the bottle behind himself at which chris chuckles.

“guys, this is lia and y/n” chris points at the two of you before closing the door behind him.

“ooo the lia?” the waterbottle guy wiggles his eyebrows, at which you cant help but laugh as well, he isn’t very tall but looks lean.

“what is the lia supposed to mean?” lia laughs when chris comes up and slings an arm around her waist from behind her.

“I..well-I talk about you sometimes-“

“sometimes my ass” the guy sitting on the couch scoffs amusedly, your eyes shift to him.

He’s wearing a white baseball cap and a pretty tight fitted black Versace shirt, making his shoulders and arms look broad.

His hands clad in black half-gloves, he adjusts his cap before locking eyes with you and quickly looking down again.

“channie hyung must’ve forgotten his manners, I’m jisung” the waterbottle guy speaks up “and that’s changbin hyung” he points at the most intimidating-looking of the three of them, on the couch.

“channie?” lia squeals as she sits down with chris on the couch changbin is sitting on as well, jisung coming up to you.

“hey, you want something to drink?” he asks, pointing at the mini bar feigning cockiness “we have a mini bar”

“woow” you chuckle, playing along “sure I’d love a drink”

“how come we’ve never met on campus before?” jisung asks after mixing you a vodka soda and sitting down on the second couch in the room.

“oh, you all go to uni here as well?” you ask surprisedly as you sit down next to him..

“yea” he grins “that’s how we all met” he points at lia and chris almost sitting on top of each other “and those two”

“oh I didn’t even know that” you take a sip, trying to loosen up “I guess I wasn’t listening when she was ranting on about him”

Jisung laughs and changbin joins the two of you as he sits down next to jisung.

“they just started calling each other bubs I feel like throwing up” changbin groans as he drinks from his beer.

You huff before jisung speaks again, looking from his friend back to you “he’s usually more romantic” he quips.

“I bet” you joke with him.

“yup” changbin locks eyes with you “that’s why I’m single, I’m just too romantic” he shakes his head sarcastically.

“ooh” you squint your eyes “emotional unavailability? love that in a man” you grin, at which his eyebrow quirks up amusedly.

“speaking of man, did minho hyung text you when he’d be here?” jisung asks his friend.

“yea he said he’ll be here in 5 and that you should finally buy a new phone” changbin answers, reading it from his phone at which jisung scoffs before turning to you.

“minho is my boyfriend” he explains “he’s hot” he grins at which you laugh “I bet”

“so, y/n, do you have a boyfriend?” jisung asks after taking a sip of his drink

“not anymore” you scoff, jisung inhales excitedly “guess what, changbin is single as well” he grins from ear to ear, comically looking back and forth between you two.

“oh, please dont start like lia” you chuckle, leaning forwards to lock eyes with changbin “no offense, but I only attract assholes”

He shakes his head, amusedly raising his brows “none taken” he grins at which you huff before a young woman comes into their dressing room to tell them they’re up next.

Back in the crowd, you and lia find a good place just as the lights dim and the music begins to play.

Suddenly you feel someone run into your side “woah I’m sorry” he quickly apologizes “this guy pushed me” he looks behind him.

“its alright” you nod, loud enough for him to hear.

Once they come outside, the crowd goes wild.

“jisungieee” the guy next to you all over sudden screams, you have to smile when looking at him.

“are you minho by any chance?” you ask him.

He nods aggressively “yea! do you know jisung?”

“I just met him backstage” you yell over the loud bass.

Minho laughs and nods before the bass drops and chris starts the first verse.

“he’s great right?” lia screams into your ear when the first chorus ends.

“yea” you nod, actually surprised at how good their music is, now understanding as to why the crowd loves them so much.

Changbin starts his verse and suddenly you feel somewhat entranced, his voice is rough and his bars are hard, definitely fitting his appearance but what entices you is the passion with which he appears to be performing.

Throughout their whole performance you cant take your eyes off him, the way his arms flex when he grips onto the microphone a little harder or the way his jugular sticks out when he growls into the microphone.

Not to mention the thighs you somehow didn’t notice in their dressing room, you watch them strain against his leather pants and feel even hotter suddenly.

Their last song ends and lia is quick to be in your ear about going backstage to chris again.

“oh you know chan hyung?” minho overhears and chimes in.

“yea she’s his date” you point at your overly excited roommate.

“changbin just texted and said they’re upstairs in the vip lounge, come with me” the brunette holds out his hand for you to take, which you do and grab lia with the other one.

“do you know where you’re going?” you ask minho after a minute of pressing yourself along sweaty dancing bodies.

“yea! they’re here a lot” he yells back “its right over there” he points to a flight of stairs where yet another bouncer is standing in front of.

“hey minho” the bouncer greats him with a fist bump “these girls are with you?” he points at lia and you.

“yea” he nods.

“trying something new, I see” he laughs atw hich you frown.

“oh, nono” minho chuckles uncomfortably “I’m still with jisung”

“ah-alright well, have fun” the bouncer moves after looking you all up and down, letting you walk up the stairs.

“wow, you’re famous” lia giggles at which minho huffs and shakes his head amusedly “yea, for being the only non-straight person they know”

“baby” you see jisung jump up from his seat in the spacious lounge as soon as you enter.

“hii” minho holds out his arms for him to run into, you cant stop yourself from smiling when you see jisung jump into his boyfriends arms.

“lia, y/n come over here” chris waves at the two of you.

“you were so good, baby” you hear minho praise jisung behind you as you walk over to the large round sitting booth where chan and changbin are sitting.

Lia slides into the booth and cuddles into chans side “you were awesome” she squeals as you sit down on the other end and grab a fresh glass from the middle of the round table, holding it next to changbins where he’s pouring cherry vodka into.

“can i get some?” you ask, he glances at you and smirks before silently filling your glass with a double shots worth of the slightly rosy liquid.

“so, how did you like it?” he asks as he leans back, taking a swing of his drink.

“you guys were really good” you nod “to be honest I didn’t expect such high quality music”

He laughs, leaning his head back a little, his adams apple bopping with it.

You cant help but notice the sheer sheen of sweat that expands over his thick neck, obviously coming from their escapades on stage just now.

“what did you expect? a bunch of drunks playing wonderwall on the guitar for more drunks?” he grins, straight white teeth on display.

“hey, don’t come for wonderwall” you raise your hand jokingly at which he laughs.

“I wouldn’t dare” he raises his hands comically.

“hey” you whip your head around to see jisung and minho “scoot, please” jisung speaks again.

“oh-yea” you grab your drink and scoot further into the half circle-shaped booth.

“so what do you study?” changbin asks, his voice catches you off guard because you hadn’t calculated how close you’re sitting to him.

You turn to him to realise you’re close enough to smell his perfume and aftershave.

“uh- I- art” you answer shakily before taking a sip of your drink just to pull a face afterwards.

“jesus christ” you cough a little and hold your chest as changbin laughs.

“its stronger than you’d think” he grins “can you handle it?” he teases when your eyes get a little watery.

You stare at him for a second before playfully rolling your eyes “im good”

His eyes trace over your face as you look around before he breaks the silence ”i can get you something else if you want” he offers.

“oh-uh no, I’m just being dramatic its fine” you chuckle.

“so...what do you study?” you change the topic.

“I’m majoring in music” he says, stretching out his arms over the backrest “all three of us are”

“oh, so you like, produce all your own stuff?” you ask, your eyes jumping to where his forearm touches your shoulder, that’s leaning against the backrest.

“yea, channie hyung composes the most, me and ji write a lot” he explains,

“thats really cool” you nod, looking over to the mentioned guy.

Changbin follows your eyes and huffs when the both of you see him and your roommate sucking face again.

After a few seconds they stop and giggle before standing up to go somewhere.

“where are they going?” you huff.

“I guess they want some alone time” he chuckles, lifting the arm close to you to take off the cap he’s still wearing.

You flinch when his forearm brushes your shoulder.

“are you scared of me?” he asks slowly, stopping his movements, cap still in hand.

“no- no” you shake your head, chuckling “I- its just been a while since I’ve gone out and I don’t know” you shrug “I feel a little lost”

“hm” changbin cocks his brow at your words, running one hand through his dark brown locks.

You divert your eyes from his bulging bicep back to his face quickly when he speaks again.

“any reason why?” he leans back again.

“oh, just a shitty ex and a shitty breakup” you shrug “I’m gonna spare you the details”

“aw, no please, tell me he had a small dick and everything, now im invested” he jokes.

You tsk at him and push his arm playfully, feigning annoyance.

“that still doesn’t answer my question as to why you jumped like that when my arm touched you” changbin raises his brows expectantly.

You open your mouth to speak but-

“we’ll go get some more to drink” minho interrupts you at which changbin nods.

“so?” he asks again, once minho and jisung leave.

“did that ex hit you? give me his address I’ll beat him up for you” changbin deadpans.

“no” you shake your head after taking another sip “he didn’t” you huff incredulously.

“its just- you look kinda scary” you blurt out finally.

His eyes widen before he falls into a boyish laughter, which you cant help but join.

“me?” he points at himself before laughing again, the image you had made up in your mind about him cracking.

“yea!” you raise your brows “when you look like this” you furrow your brows and lightly squint your eyes to mimic his resting bitch face.

“what the-” he splutters laughingly.

“stoop, don’t laugh” you hold onto his forearm, still giggling yourself.

He calms himself, subconsciously scooting closer to you in the now empty booth.

“maybe scary wasn’t the right word” you snicker, looking down.

“I think the word you were looking for was: sexy, hot or mysterious, maybe handsome-” he quips, grinning to himself when you start laughing again.

“no, no, I know what I meant” you joke back, just now noticing how close he is, his knee touching yours as his whole torso is turned to you.

“so none of my suggestions are accurate?” he cheekily raises one brow at which you scoff playfully.

“maybe one or two” you see his eyes jump to your lips.

The air suddenly feels thick around you with tension, changbins tongue darting out to wet his plump bottom lip while his eyes are still locked on yours.

You breathe in before the two of you lock eyes again "so…are you gonna kiss me, or just stare?"

He raises his brows at your sudden boost of confidence, grinning amusedly.

"what happened to me being scary?" he counters before urging you to swing one leg over his thighs with gentle hands.

You take a seat on his lap, straddling his thick thighs before looping your arms around his neck "i dont know, i think i'm into it" you quip.

His hands wander up your waist "well then i wont make you wait any longer" he grins, looking at your lips one last time before closing the gap inbetween you two.

You meet him in the middle, changbins grip on your waist tightens when his plush lips land on yours.

He pulls you closer to him, pushing his tongue past the seam of your lips.

You can taste the cherry vodka on his tongue but it riles you up even more, sucking at the wet muscle before his hands wander over the swell of your ass and each grab a handful of the flesh; your short skirt riding up when you subconsciously grind against his lap.

“be careful” he mumbles against your lips, gently tugging down the piece of fabric so you don’t expose yourself to bywalkers.

“where’s the fun in that?” you cock your head to the side teasingly.

Changbin scoffs and leans in again but you get interrupted by jisung.

“hey, we-oh” you whip your head around.

Jisungs frown turns into a grin “uh” he chuckles “we dont mean to interrupt but chan hyung texted minho and they’re going to your place” he points at you.

“ugh, seriously?” you mutter.

“I’m sleeping at minhos so, hyung you’ll have our place to yourself” he winks at changbin.

“so, we’re out too, have fun you guys” minho waves teasingly as jisung drags him away.

For a second you stare after them, until a gentle squeeze at your waist makes you turn around again.

“you could come over to my place if you don’t want to go to yours right now” he offers, eyes flickering to your lips when you bite at your lower one.

This is usually like not you, letting some guy you barely know take you home.

But here you are the next morning, looking up at the ceiling, changbins room flooded with daylight.

You sit up and look at the still unconscious changbin next to you. His blanket had fallen down and exposes his toned torso, barely covering his private parts.

A tingle forms in your lower abdomen when you think of what happened here a few hours ago.

But you pull yourself together and start looking around for your clothes.

You spot your bra on his desk and your skirt and shoes on the floor, gently shimmying out from underneath the blanket; you grab your skirt and slide it on without your panties, not being able to find them anywhere.

Right as you clasp your bra behind your back, changbins morning voice makes you flinch “you would’ve just snuck out?” he grumbles, rubbing his eyes as you look back at him.

“what? did you take me for a breakfast lover?” you quip as you slide into your shoes, looking around for your shirt.

“damn, that’s cold” he chuckles lowly, sitting up and watching you stride around his room.

“where did you put my shirt?” you ask, bending down to look under his desk.

“maybe you should worry about your panties first” he snickers, eyes glued to your core when you look back at him.

You kiss your teeth and straighten up quickly, having forgotten about your lack of underwear.

“not that that wasn’t a great view just now-“

“you’re not helping” you interrupt him, eyes lighting up when you spot your shirt in the hallway.

“why so serious all over sudden?” he grins “last night you were everything but tense”

You scoff as you pull your shirt over your head and stuff it into your skirt before grabbing your purse and phone.

“I have an exam in 2 days and I haven’t studied yet” you exhale.

“I could drive you home-“ he runs a hand through his messy hair.

“I’ll call a cab, uhm- thanks for last night” you hurriedly smile before walking out.

“bye” changbin calls after you, frowning and dropping back down onto his bed when he hears the door shut behind you “have a nice day I guess” he mumbles to himself.

October

You cling your jacket closer to your body as you walk through the howling wind the seasonal change had brought with it.

When you arrive at lias faculty building you take out your phone to see if she texted you about when her lecture would be over.

lia : hey babe, chris took me to his place -received at 4:17 pm

You roll your eyes, typical you think.

you : are you serious? you begged me to walk home with you -sent at 4:25 pm

You see her the little blue bubble pop up, indicating that she’s writing a message.

lia : im sorry!! please don’t be mad, he surprised me :((( -received at 4:25 pm

You scoff and turn off your phone before slipping it in your coats pocket alongside your hands. Typical, you think, ever since that night at the club the two of them have become inseparable and lia cancelling on you had become a regular thing. You are happy for her but you also miss your friend.

“y/n?” a familiar voice calls after you right as you start to walk away, you freeze and turn around.

“yea?- oh” you swallow harshly when you see changbin walk your way.

“hey” he smiles brightly and you have to bite back a grin at the cute beanie he’s sporting alongside his slightly red nose due to the cold weather.

“hi” you smile timidly.

“you never texted” he tilts his head at which you nod.

“yea, sorry I actually never got your number” you look at the ground “uh- what are you doing here?”

“oh um im on my way to the studio” he points at a nearby building “that’s the music faculty”

“ah okay, well” you lock eyes “have fun then” you turn around again, ready to walk away.

“hey” he catches up with you “you wanna join me? check out some of our new stuff?” he burries his hands in the front pockets of his jeans.

“I don’t know, changbin I really don’t want to date right now-“ you start at which he chuckles.

“I didn’t ask you to marry me” he stops in his tracks, grinning when you do as well, locking eyes “come on, I just need an unbiased opinion on some new tracks” he tilts his head.

You inhale before looking around you “I could drive you home after? So you don’t have to walk through this weather?” he offers, raising his brows at which you purse your lips.

“alright” you give in, changbin smiles and extends his elbow for you to hold.

You simper and coyly hook your hand around his arm as the two of you start walking.

“this is awesome!” you point to his laptop a minute after he played the first song for you.

Changbin grins bashfully and leans back into his desk chair “you think?”

“yea, the hook is super catchy” you bob your head as his eyes fix on your profile “you’re really talented, changbin” you catch him blushing before putting on another song.

After a few other songs, he takes off his headphones when you take off yours.

“can I ask you something?” he asks, you glance at him.

“you just did” you quip at which he huffs, “sure” you nod.

“how much of that night do you remember?” he fiddles with one of the rings on his left hand.

“why?” you ask back.

“well, you seemed really upset the next morning so I got kind of scared that you didn’t actually want it and I kind of took advantage of you” he recalls the night the two of you spent together.

“oh, no. you didn’t take advantage of me, I wasn’t even drunk and I would’ve told you if I had changed my mind or something. That was just the first time I ever spent the night at a guys house for a one night stand” you absently pick off some fuzzies from your jeans.

“plus I had just come out of a relationship so I was a little too emotional anyways” you chuckle.

“alright” changbin nods “just wanted to make sure” he smiles down at his hands “cause I remember all of it”

You whip your head, scoffing when you see him with a shit eating grin on his face.

“hm” you feign ignorance as you lean back “I don’t know, there wasn’t a lot to remember” you grin mischievously.

He laughs out loud, leaning forwards “no?”

You shake your head, pursing your lips comically “nah”

“cause I remember you shaking and screaming” he grins.

You shrug your shoulders “weird, must’ve faked it” you deadpan, fiddling with the headphones you’re still holding.

Changbins tongue prods on the inside of his cheek, huffing when he catches you grinning.

“right” he grins slumping into his seat a little further.

A thought flashes in your head when your gaze drops to his crotch and thick thighs, you swallow some spit in frustration as you feel your core getting hotter.

He was right, the night was amazing, maybe that was even part of the reason you stormed out the way you did.

You clench your thighs for some relief, anything really.

“want me to refresh your memory?” your eyes jump up to meet his, you open your mouth but nothing comes out; do you want him to?

Yes. Yes you do.

So, you get up and straddle him on his chair: his hands instantly gripping at your hips, pulling you closer.

“someones eager” he grins, pushing some of your hair behind your ear.

“shut up” you whisper before crashing your lips onto his.

Changbin groans when you tug at his hair, inviting you to slip your tongue in between his lips and grind your hips over his crotch.

He hisses before propping himself up on one armrest and holding your lower back with the other as he stands up; you squeal but he holds you before sitting you back down on the desk, next to his laptop.

“now who’s eager” you grin when his hands find the waistband of your leggings and tug them down with your panties in one.

He huffs as he bunches your leggings and panties around your ankles before slipping underneath the fabric barrier and inbetween your legs.

“by the looks of it..” he runs a finger through your wet folds “still you” he quips before pushing one finger in without warning.

You moan, you head dropping back onto the hard wooden surface.

“look at me” changbin orders as a second finger prods at your entrance, you whimper but prop yourself up on your elbows.

He curls the two fingers and pumps them almost violently, the palm of his hand smacking your clit with every pump.

“oh god-“ you yelp, your eyes scrunching together as your hips buck up.

“its changbin but god is fine too” he quips as he lowers his head, you curse at him, even though you have to laugh a little.

“you’re so annoy-ah!” you cry out because suddenly his tongue is lapping over your swollen clit, sucking on it forcefully when you claw one hand into his already messed up dark locks.

“fuck-bin- gonna cum” your hips stutter and you feel the pleasure that’s blooming in your tummy is getting ready to snap.

“mmh” he humms against you “cum then, baby” he moans, knowing full well what the added vibrations are doing to your body when your chest arches and your mouth drops open.

Your cries fill the studio as you clamp down on his fingers; he rides your through your high, holding down your hips with his unoccupied hand because you squirm with the euphoria that’s filling your veins.

“good girl” he mumbles, removing his fingers from you before bringing them up to your lips “now, suck them clean for me, yea?” he grins, lips and chin shiny with your cum.

“finally” you huff when arriving at 3rachas lounge in a club out of town; where they had just performed “this club is huge” you breathe, jisung scooting and changbin letting you squeeze past him to take a seat in between them as they chuckle.

Lia and chan already lost in their own world again as she drags him to the dancefloor, squealing when chan teasingly squeezes her sides as they disappear into the crowd.

“they are made for each other” minho sighs, sitting down and giving jisung the second beer from his hands.

“I know right” you lean back, breathing in.

“you’re still out of breath?” changbin laughs at you at which you hit his arm.

“stop it, oh my god” you feign annoyance “you know how exhausting it is to dodge beer bottles and not loose lia? she’s like a Chihuahua, I swear, you loose her once and its over” you chuckle, jisung and minho laughing too.

“you just don’t have any endurance, woman” changbin grins teasingly.

“that’s so not true” you laugh incredulously “what about two nights ago-“

“AH-“ jisung interrupts you, placing his hands over his ears “please spare us your sex stories, I hear enough of that when you’re over, babe”

You huff and changbins cheeks turn red.

“you guys are fucking?” minho asks, eyebrows raised as he takes a swing of his beer.

“good job keeping up, baby” jisung pats his boyfriends thigh teasingly at which he tsks at him.

“are you together or what?” minho props his elbow on the table to support his chin with his hand as he looks at the two of you expectantly.

“no, we’re not” you chuckle somewhat uncomfortably before looking over at changbin who just grins awkwardly.

“just here to be a good friend and keep the groupies away” you joke “right?” you nudge changbin with your elbow at which he nods swiftly, looking down again.

“yea, baby don’t be so old fashioned” jisung teases his boyfriend who just rolls his eyes playfully.

“speaking of groupies” minho mutters, spotting a group of girls just before they approach the lounge.

“hey jisungie, you wanna dance?” a pretty blonde girl bats her eyelashes as she leans down a bit to expose more of her cleavage, making jisung grin.

“baby, you’re gorgeous but I’m very gay” he nods apologetically, “Oh” she straightens up “really? You sure?”

You and changbin have to bite back a laugh when jisung nods again “very sure, thanks though, for coming”

She shrugs and looks at changbin “what about you? Wanna dance?”

“uh-“ changbin starts but you cut him off “he’s with me actually” you tilt your head.

“for real?” she stems her hands into her hips as she looks back at her posse, scoffing.

“yea” changbin loops his strong arm around your waist and pulls you closer to him “that’s my girl, so a little respect, please”

“aww” you coo dramatically as you play along, putting your hand on his jaw to turn his head towards you before you lock lips.

“whatever” you faintly hear the girls voice get quieter when changbin slips his tongue in between your lips.

“they’re gone” you hear minho but changbin pulls your legs to dangle over one of his thighs as he grips your waist.

“guys” jisungs voice only registers in the back of your head when changbin sucks at your bottom lip and you run your fingers through the hair on the back of his head.

“can I get you some more beers?” the waitresses voice pulls the both of you out of your trance as you break the kiss abruptly.

Jisung laughs, shaking his head at the both of you before turning to the waitress “we’ll take a round of shots I think”

November

“fuck-harder” you gasp “..mhh binnie-shit” you moan while changbin pounds into you from behind, gripping your hip tighter with one of his hands; the other one migrating up your back to gather the legth of your hair, twisting them before he pulls at their root.

You groan when you feel your hair getting pulled back, neck stretching as he picks up his pace.

“like this? fuck you love this don’t you?” he breaths ragged, but you can hear the dirty smirk that lingers on his lips every time you have rough sex..

You moan out loudly when he releases your hair and pushes your torso down onto the mattress, your hand pulling at the sheets , needing something to grip and release the pleasure.

“fuck- answer me, slut” he grunts and delivers a harsh slap to your ass.

You cry out “yes-yes-fuck-love it” you desperately gasp as he leans down to you, earning a low chuckle which sends shivers down your back.

His lips latch onto your shoulder blade and start sucking on the skin until a purple mark blooms under his lips.

“fuck” you let out a strangled yell when the hand on your hip makes its way to your front and he started circling your clit with his fingers, the pace and firmness matching his thrusts.

You cry out for him as you clench furiously around his cock “that’s a good girl” he whispers, only letting go of your clit when you flinch in overstimulation.

“cum for me- fuck baby, cum for me and let the others know who’s fucking you this good” he rasps in your ear. Not 5 seconds later, your orgasm ripples through you and you would’ve collapsed completely if he wasn’t holding you up.

You’re still panting when both of his hands go back on your hips and push them down, laying you flat on the mattress before he picks up his pace again with his last left strength to reach his own high.

“shit- y/n“ he grunts when you tighten around him again and you feel him filling the condom with some drawn out groans and a sharp hiss.

After a few seconds of nothing but heavy breathing filling the room, he pulls out and falls next to you on his bed.

You wince at the soreness that’s already presenting itself when you turn around on your back, looking over to him; you watch as he ties a knot in the condom and throws it into the trash next to his desk.

“kobe!” he exclaims gleefully at his perfect throw before looking back at you to see if you saw.

“jesus christ why am I sleeping with you” you hold your hands over your face, hating the fact that it made you laugh.

He gasps, feigning to be offended “that’s not how you speak to the guy that just made you cum three times”

“you are so full of yourself, seo changbin” you shake your head amusedly as you sit up.

“wait, I’ll clean you up” changbin is quick to rise from his comfortable position to grab some tissues from his nightstand.

“come here” he mumbles, gently urging you to lie back down before carefully wiping your own cum off your inner thighs and mound.

You watch him as he gently moves to wipe the tissue over your puffy folds, your hips jumping a little when he accidentally passes your clit.

“sorry” he grins, pressing a kiss to your angled knee; at which you feel your heart lurch forward a bit.

Woah, wait.

You’ve been seeing changbin just for sex for almost two months now, you’ve even gone with him other performances and after parties to keep groupies away and be his arm candy and never has your heart done this.

Mayday. Abort mission.

“should be good for now” changbin shrugs, shooting you a sweet smile before turning away from you to also get rid of the tissues.

You use the opportunity to shuffle to the side of his bed and slip on your panties before grabbing your bra.

“hey, you wanna leave already?” changbin asks “I thought we could hang” he tucks his hand under his head as you look back at him, clipping your bra closed “watch a movie or something”

“sorry, I promised lia I’d help her clean the apartment today” you lie, surprisingly quick, before pulling your hoodie over your head.

“so you’re just gonna fuck me and leave again?” he jokes dramatically “I don’t even get cuddles?”

“shut up” you chuckle.

“am I nothing more to you than a pretty piece of meat?” he continues as you slip into your jeans, rolling your eyes playfully.

“a toy you use when you need stress relief??” he holds his chest dramatically.

You step into your shoes and raise your brows at him.

“are you complaining?” you ask playfully.

“nahh” he pulls his covers over his abs as he watches you grab your jacket from his desk chair.

"At least give me a 'gopdbye, thanks for the bomb dick, kiss" He grins when you scoff at him. So, you lean over him and press a quick peck to his lips; he whines playfully when you lean back up again, sitting up and catching your lips with his roughly once more.

“alright, see ya” you shrug."

And shit, your heart does it again. What are you doing?

You break the kiss and ruffle through his hair.

“ugh” he huffs annoyedly, fixing his hair “I hope you have trouble walking” he quips as you go for the door.

“I’ll text you if I don’t” you wink at him before closing his door, leaning against it from the outside and closing your eyes.

“fuck” you whisper to yourself before making your way through the guys apartment.

“don’t break his heart, y/n” minhos voie comes from behind as you twist the doorknob.

“huh?” you trun around to look at him, he’s wearing a shirt that you know to be jisungs so he must be staying over.

“I’ve known changbin for a while, he seems tough but he’s a softie deep down” he crosses his arms over his chest “he hurts easier than you think”

“we- we’re both not in this for anything serious” you stammer “what do you mean?”

“I see the way he looks at you, y/n” minho smiles softly “I’m not telling you how to live your life, just, be honest with him… and yourself for that matter” he quirks one brow up, smiling before disappearing around the corner.

You squint your eyes as you’re trying to make out the label of the cereal boxes in the upper shelves, looking back at your phone you check to see what brand lia had texted you about so you don’t accidentally buy the wrong thing.

“fuck” you mumble when you see her desired cereal at the top of the shelf, so you reach up but to no avail.

“y/n?” you lower your heels to the floor again before turning around to see…

“hyunjin?” you face drops in awe.

“hey!” the tall young man smiles widely, opening his arms and inviting you to a hug.

“wow, hi” you hug him back.

Damn, what happened to him? The last time you saw him was before he moved away in 10th grade.

You used to be good friends with him, or, well, the freakishly skinny and lanky highschool version of him you met in dance class.

By the feel of it, even through the trenchcoat he’s wearing, you can tell he’s bulked up quite a bit.

After letting go of him, you cant help but stare.

His acne had cleared up and his brown hair is chin length with the top parts pulled back into a little pony tail, leaving some face framing strands in the front.

“wow- you look-“ you blink a few times to make sure you’re not dreaming “…really good, hyunjin”

He smiles on the ground, his pretty plump lips parting to reveal beautiful pearly whites which used to be covered by braces.

“so do you” he grins.

“no- I mean you look… good-good” you splutter, laughing awkwardly “like what are you a model now or something?”

“actually, yea- part time” he chuckles.

“oh” you huff “wow of course” you shake your head laughingly, blushing furiously when he doesn’t break eye contact.

“so- uhm” you gulp, making him grin even wider “what are you doing here?”

“I’m transferring here” he nods “better dance programme” he explains shortly.

“oh you still dance” you observe out loud “I haven’t danced in a while” you look down.

“you should come by after practice sometime” he offers “to catch up- or dance if you want” he giggles, a little dimple appearing on his left cheek.

“yea, I’d love that” you smile, nodding before he takes out his phone.

“put in your number, I’ll text you” he smiles softly when holding it out to you.

“mhm” you agree, saving your number in his phone and trying not to think about him staring at you the whole time.

“alright well” he checks his phone for the time, you guess “I gotta get going, only came here for this” he chuckles, holding up a carton of milk that you, weirdly enough, haven’t noticed until now.

“alright” you nod before he moves in for a hug again.

“bye” he smiles when loosening his arms again.

“bye” you mumble, staring at the back of his perfect head as he walks away.

You were about to pull out your phone and rant to lia about what just happened, when he stops in his tracks and turns around.

“almost forgot” he grins, reaching up and getting your cereal from the top shelf; winking when he places it in your hands, your body freezing.

“bye” he grins, walking away before you could thank him.

You had taken hyunjin up on his offer and met him in the dance studio after class where he showed you some of his contemporary pieces before you made your way to the popular coffee shop on campus together.

“-no seriously the second piece was my favourite I think, but they were all amazing!” you smile up at him at which he shakes his head cutely.

“can you stop complimenting me, y/n I’m getting all nervous” he laughs softly.

“oh please” you quip “with your talent and looks I would think nothing could make you nervous” you roll your eyes playfully.

Hyunjin huffs, opening the coffee shops door for you “you can” he says softly as you walk past him, you turn around to him to see him blush a litte but diverting his eyes to the big menu above the counter.

Did he just flirt with you? No, you must be tripping.

You look around to see only two other people sitting in one of the booths together, the cold must keep most people home, you think before hyunjin gently pulls at your sleeve to get your attention.

“what do you want?” he asks, the barista looking at you expectantly.

“uhm- a hot chocolate please” you say, reaching in your purse to get your wallet.

“I’ll take the same” hyunjin smiles politely, giving the barista money.

“on me” he smiles down at you.

“oh, thank you” you smile sheepishly, letting go of your purse again.

Once your hot chocolates are ready, you sit down in one of the booths, hyunjin sliding in to sit across from you.

“I was back home last week before I came here, you’ll never guess who I met” hyunjin grins.

“who?” you ask curiously.

“tim” he grins.

“tim?” your eyes almost pop out of your head “as in my first boyfriend tim?” you laugh, holding your hand to your face incredulously.

“but he moved away as well?” you half ask.

“yea he said he was visiting his grandparents, but guess the best part” hyunjin bites his lip

“what?” you chuckle.

“he got a nose job” hyunjin bites back a laugh when you gasp surprisedly “really?”

“one word” hyunjin says “botched…”

“aw no, poor tim” you frown, looking down at your hot drink as memories from back in the day come back to you.

“he always used to put his hand up my shirt when hugging” you frown, making hyunjin laugh.

“it was 9th grade y/n what did you expect?” you scoff at his rethorical question.

“I don’t know, some basic manners maybe?” you counter playfully…slowly letting the conversation die down as you both take sips from your cocoa.

“how come we never dated?” he asks softly after aminute of silence, looking up at you.

“we were friends?” you chuckle awkwardly.

“come on” hyunjin sits back in his booth “you must’ve known I had the biggest crush on you”

“you did?” you almost launch forwards in your seat, making hyunjin laugh.

“well, I guess you didn’t know then” he giggles, hiding his face in his hands embarrassedly.

“anyways, I would’ve paid good money to be able to slip my hand up your shirt” he jokes, cheeks reddening when you laugh.

“I honestly liked you a lot back then” you say “if you would’ve said something we might’ve actually gone out” you shrug gently.

“damn, way to rub that in my face” hyunjin grins.

You hold his eye contact for a few seconds before you feel your blood rushing to your cheeks again, quickly lifting up your mug to take a sip and partly cover your face.

When you put your mug back down, hyunjin grins widely, mumbling a “cute” before slowly bringing his hand to your chin and gently swiping his thumb over your top lip where a foam mustache had formed.

You gulp when he swiftly sucks the foam off his thumb, your eyes darting from his eyes to his lips.

When he notices, he leans over, slowly as if scared to overwhelm you.

That’s when minhos words pop up in the back of your head.

“be honest with him, and yourself for that matter”

But you aren’t together, and hyunjin is great and you want to kiss him but you know it would be wrong.

However, before you know it his lips are on yours and you’re not doing anything to stop him.

They are soft and inviting and you let him swipe his tongue over the seam of your lips, but then the little doorbell rings and you hear lias voice, followed by a male one before they abruptly stop, making you pull away abruptly.

Oh.

There they are, lia, chan, jisung and changbin; looking at you.

“y/n” lia grins widely, approaching your table “aren’t you gonna introduce us?” she squeals, hyunjin clears his throat and sits back down.

The three guys hesitantly follow lia when-

“woah- hyunjin?” chan speaks up.

“chan-hyung?” hyunjin gets up from his place to receive a hug from the older one as your eyes divert to changbin who is looking at the ground.

You aren’t together. Then why do you feel so guilty and why does he look so disappointed.

“he’s cute, girl” jisung grinningly interrupts your daydreaming, nodding towards chan and hyunjin who are still talking.

You force out a smile.

“how do you two know each other?” lia asks curiously.

“he went to my highschool, the last few years” chan grins.

“what a coincidence” you mumble, almost ironically.

“I went to highschool with y/n too, the first couple years though, then I moved away” hyunjin explains “oh, im sorry, I’m hyunjin by the way” he turns to jisung and changbin.

“I’m jisung, this is changbin” jisung smiles, pointing at his grumpy friend.

“I’m lia” lia grins “his girlfriend and her best friend” she points at chan before snuggling up to you, giggling.

Jesus, woman where do you get the energy? Is what you want to ask but you just flash another forced smile, hoping this moment will pass quickly.

“where were you guys?” you change the topic, hoping changbin would maybe look at you if you spoke up.

“oh, I caught them all huddled up in the studio” lia grins “they probably haven’t been outside in a week again” she giggles.

“true” jisung quips.

“hey lets all sit down” hyunjin suggests.

“I’ll get a coffee” changbin mumbles, walking back to the counter.

You usher lia to make way for you to get out of the booth, following him.

“bin” you stand next to him as he looks up at the menu but he ignores you.

“you could at least acknowledge my presence, your highness” you quip annoyedly.

“what do you want me to say, y/n?” he mutters.

“I didn’t know this would happen with him or I would’ve told you” you say, looking back at the other four talking and laughing in the booth.

“we’re not together y/n, you’ve made that very clear; if you wanna kiss lord farquaad go ahead, I’m not stopping you” he looks over to the booth as well.

“jesus christ” you huff “why are you so defensive then?”

“hi” changbin greets the barista who just came from the back “I’ll have an iced coffee to go, please” he orders.

“the world doesn’t revolve around you y/n, maybe I’m having a bad day” he answers when the barista makes his way to the coffee machines, you feel a lump from in your throat.

“yea, well thanks for making mine bad as well” you turn on your heels to join the others, hyunjin sees you coming back and scooches to make some space for you next to him.

You smile and thank him quietly when he also gives you your mug.

“everything alright?” he asks quietly, as to not disturb the others conversation.

“yea, just had to ask him some stuff” you smile at which he smiles back, turning back to the others.

After a minute changbin approaches the booth with his iced coffee “hey, I’ll run back to the studio I gotta finish that track”

“ugh, changbin I just dragged you out of there, stay for a second” lia protests and jisung nods along.

“nah, gotta get it done tonight” he shakes his head.

“alight see you later” chan nods.

“nice to meet you, man” hyunjin says, nodding at him as well.

“yea” changbin answers tight-lipped before walking out.

December

”I’m sorry, hyunjin” you frown “I’m just not ready for a relationship after what happened with my ex-“

“its alright y/n” his large hand encases yours “you don’t have to explain yourself to me”

You sigh in relief “I’m sorry I tried to rush things, it just, seemed to good to be true to find you here and everything” he says.

“but I’ll wait for you, if that’s what you want” he looks up at you.

“oh, jinnie you shouldn’t have to do that” you shake your head “I’m sure there are great girls out there who are emotionally ready to be with you”

“yea, but you’re the girl I want to be with” he says softly and your heart shatters into pieces because you’re not sure he’s the guy you want to be with.

You fight yourself through the crowd at 3rachas last performance of the year, at the same venue where you met them for the first time. Just like the time before, chan makes sure lia, hyunjin, minho and you are able to come backstage.

“I’m excited to see you perform, man” hyunjin grins at chan, patting his shoulder “your stuff was already dope back then…” they continue speaking as you enter their dressing room.

Jisung greets his boyfriend as you and lia sit down on the leather couch.

Changbin is standing in front of the mirror, fixing his hair before his eyes lock with yours through the mirror, but he just diverts them to chan who’s grabbing a beer for hyunjin and himself, you guess.

“did you have to invite him?” changbin semi-whispers to the older one, nodding at hyunjin, chan just frowns confusedly,making changbin shake his head and walk out.

You look at hyunjin who is talking to minho and jisung, and doesn’t seem to have heard changbin. So, you get up to follow him out but lia holds your wrist “y/n you cant keep running after him” she hisses.

“he cant keep treating me like im invisible, I just want to clear the air” you free your arm and walk out to see changbin almost at the end of the corridor, walking out of a heavy door which, you think leads outside.

After reaching the door you open it to find him outside, leaning against the brick wall of the building, looking down at his phone.

The cold air hits your skin and you shiver, only wearing a top and some jeans since its warm in the club.

Changbin notices you and looks up “what do you want, y/n?” he asks.

“that was real classy back there” you comment, holding your arms to your body to preserve some warmth. Changbin huffs, unfazed as he looks back at his phone “whatever, y/n”

“no, not whatever bin” you step closer to him “he asked me to date him” his head shoots up and you lock eyes, for a second they are soft in the way they look into yours but something changes and they turn mean when he speaks again.

“so? that’s a you proplem” he shrugs.

“its not a problem at all, he’s sweet and loving and cares about me but for some reason im standing here, hoping that you’ll give me a reason to not be with him” you feel your throat closing up with anger mixed with confusion when he starts chuckling.

“you’re not serious are you?” he squints and your heart drops, tears pooling at your lashline.

“of course not, I couldn’t expect someone as stubborn and- and comunicationally incompetent like you to understand anything about feelings” you turn on your heels when a teardrop rolls down your cheek.

A hand wraps itself around your wrist, making you turn back “I’ve wanted to be with you since that moment in the club where you kissed me infront of all these girls. It was always you who was stubborn y/n, you never wanted to spend anymore time with me other than fucking” he snaps at you, taking a breather to start another sentence but you cut him off.

“-then why didn’t you say anything?” you ask quietly and he looks down.

“because- fuck” he lets go of your wrist “I didn’t want to scare you away, you in my bed was better than no you at all. But then fucking prince charming appears out of no where and sweeps you off your feet-”

“but I don’t want prince charming I want you” you blurt out, tears now streaming down your face, making him take a step back as his eyes soften.

“then why didn’t you say anything?” a small smile tugs at his lips as he closes the distance between you, gently running his hands up your arms, feeling the goosebumps brought on by the cold.

You huff, looking down and watching one of your teardrops melting a tiny hole into the snow before looking back up “because I’m stubborn and comunicationally incompetent” you sniffle “and stupid apparently”

A grin spreads over changbins face as his hands cradle your cheeks, wiping your tears away with his thumbs “so, you wanna be stubborn and stupid together?” he whispers, locking eyes with you.

You press your lips together, trying to keep yourself from sobbing even more as you nod.

He chuckles softly ”you can stop crying now, baby” at which you nod beathing in shakily but smiling when he pushes some hair out of your face.

“can you kiss me now please” you sniffle whiningly, huffing in a laugh when he pulls a face.

“i dont know babe, you’re a little snotty right now-” he jokes.

“shut up” you hit him, chuckling when he pulls you even closer by your waist and gently connects his lips with yours.

A soft wind blows through your hair and you loop your arms around his neck even tighter, deepening the kiss at which he moans, holding your waist tighter to his body.

The door creaks open and “are you guys finally together?” minhos voice makes you break the kiss.

“yea” you grin when jisung comes out after his boyfriend.

“nice” he grins, nodding at you.

“yea yea nice, beautiful love whatever, hyung we’re up, lets go” jisung rambles, laughing and running back inside when changbin pretends to hit him, minho shaking his head and following him.

“you’ll watch me yea?” your boyfriend grins at you, taking your hand and planting a kiss on the back of it.

“from the front row, baby”

a/n: omg im finally done wth this took me so long yall, i started writing this sin september (which is why the fic starts in september as well lol) sorry about the winterly feelings i’m pushing onto you in the end but last week it literally snowed where i live so i was like uh?!?!?!? okay lets write some snowy shit, global warming ftw i guess....anyways i hope u liked it pls leave some feedback and/or ur favourite part ig lol i would appreciate it alot <33 (not proofred yet oopsie)

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taglist: @kpopscape @oopsie-whats-this @zhaqifa @synnocence @changlix-mp4 + some besties who always inspire me wether they know it or not😭 @bangtantaegi @hanflix @bruh-changbin @hyunyin @yyxgin @hyunsluvv @unstableskzstan @violethhj @missskzbiased @cartierbin @dom--minnie

#kpopscape #skz #stray kids smut #skz smut #stray kids #changbin #seo changbin #seo changbin smut #changbin smut #zephyr

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headheartbellarke · 4 years ago

Text

HOME | Charlie Gillespie

Requested by anon: "Hi! If request are open can you do a charlie imagine where him and the reader (she/her) met on a project a while back and have been friends for a while, but the reader kinda had a crappy home life so she gets overwhelmed by charlies family being so loving and perfect and she basically breaks down and feels like she doesn’t fit in and isn’t good enough for him? please and thank you so much, ur writing is amazing!!!"

PAIRING(s): Charlie Gillespie x fem! reader

WARNING(s): mentions of abuse, trauma, anxiety, angst, fluff

WORDS: 2,036

SUMMARY: charlie takes co-star and girlfriend y/n home for christmas but that leads to self doubt in her (im so bad at these) [note: this takes place in 2021]

As Charlie pulls out the key from the ignition, I sigh, wringing my hands nervously. He unbuckles his seatbelt and faces me, giving me a bright, happy smile.

“My family is so excited to meet you.” He says, reaching forward to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.

“What if they hate me?” I whisper.

My boyfriend, Charlie, and I first met on the set of Charmed – we were both in the first episode, but I left it after that due to scheduling conflicts with my other show, Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. I had been a part of CAOS since its first episode – I played the role of Sabrina’s cousin, Sarah Spellman.

Back then, we were just friends. After I left Charmed, we would text and call each other occasionally. Whenever we were in the same city, we would meet up – but that was hard considering we both had quite different lives. So, we didn’t think of each other as more than friends – sure I thought that he was attractive, but that’s it.

But, in 2020, after CAOS was cancelled, I got a call from the casting director of Julie and The Phantoms: she was the one who had previously cast me in CAOS, and she believed that I’d be perfect for the role of Julie’s British cousin who joins her school after her parents relocate to LA – I also play Reggie’s love interest.

I texted Charlie immediately after my manager finalized all the details for the new role. He had been excited and when shooting started in 2021, we were pretty inseparable.

After a few weeks, I had developed a major crush on him ad the rest of the cast had also picked up on that. They were also convinced that Charlie liked me (which I didn’t believe at that time but later found out that it was, indeed, true) and they used to tease us about it all the time. Finally, a couple weeks before production ended, he asked me out on a date and it’s been really, really great so far.

We’ve been dating for about nine months now and honestly, he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. He’s my home – all my life I’ve always felt lost, but I feel like I truly belong with him.

Now, he laughs. “Baby. I promise you – they already love you. My mother’s been bugging me to bring you home ever since we started dating, and you’ve already met Megan, and she loves you.”

“If you say so.” I say, still not convinced.

He grins and we get out of his car and face his childhood home. I take a deep breath, shaking off my nerves. He knocks three times on the front door, and it opens immediately after.

A petite, blonde woman steps out, with a wide smile on her face. She opens her arms as Charlie yells, “Mamacita!”

“Mon chéri. Ça fait trop longtemps!”

“Je vous ai manqué!”

I have absolutely no idea what they are saying, but the scene in front of me is so heart-warming. Charlie’s mother is genuinely happy to see her son – one can tell by the way she’s holding him, almost like he’s a little child. Charlie is quite a couple inches taller than her, but he’s nestled his face into her shoulder.

I can’t stop a grin from breaking out on my face. It’s honestly rather lovely. But I also feel a slight pang in my heart knowing that no one ever greets me like this when I go home.

They separate from each other and she squeezes his shoulders, looking at him with so much love that I have to look away. I have never seen a mother look at their child like that, with such intense love. That’s dumb, I know. Mothers are supposed to love their children. But all my mother ever looks at me with is disappointment, anger, disgust, and – you get it.

She notices me next and claps her hands. “You must be Y/N!”

“Hi, Mrs. Gillespie. It’s so nice to meet you!” I extend a hand toward her.

“Aw, come here! You’re gorgeous.”

She pulls me in for a hug too, and for a moment I’m engulfed by the smell of white musk and the feeling of warmth.

We pull apart and I smile at her, genuinely. All my anxiety has washed away.

“My son is always talking about you, about how pretty you are and –”

“Let’s go inside!” Charlie quickly cuts her off, eyes widened as I laugh.

“But I wanna know what he says!”

Mrs Gillespie winks at me as Charlie turns scarlet. “I’ll tell you when he’s gone.”

***

Another roar of laughter erupts around the dinner table.

Honestly, I’ve never seen a family like this – a family so connected, so loving. All of Charlie’s siblings – from his three older brothers to his little sister are here for Christmas Eve, and all of them are teasing each other, telling childhood stories, and just having the best time. I was, too. That was until I suddenly realized how I don’t fit in here.

Everyone here grew up completely different than I did. When I was young, about two years old – my dad left my mom and I for another woman. I haven’t seen him since – although, he sends me a postcard and some money on holidays and birthdays. He’s travelling around the world with his new wife and is apparently ‘happier than he’s ever been.’

The reason he left is because kids ‘freak’ him out and he isn’t ‘ready’ for that kind of responsibility. I mean, it wasn’t like he was fifteen when he had me: he was twenty-seven, and already married to my mother for about two years then.

Naturally, my mother blames me for her divorce. I was born out of an accidental pregnancy, so my mother made sure to remind me every day that I was unwanted, and my birth was what ‘pushed’ him to leave us. Every single day, my mother told me that I shouldn’t have been born, that I was a mistake, that I was worthless, unlovable and so, so many more horrible things. She used to drink like crazy, and if I accidentally faced her in that state, she would sometimes hit me.

Years and years of abuse and all that childhood trauma led me to develop a fear of abandonment, trust issues, intimacy issues, anxiety, and depression. Throughout school, I had been closed off, unable to form relationships and friendships with other people. I had feared anything and everything – I couldn’t even maintain eye contact with people.

Of course, when I auditioned for CAOS and moved away to LA, away from that toxic environment, I got help and turned my life around. (My mother was incredibly happy to see me go since she had married another guy and now has a family with him – so I was the only thing left that reminded her of my father.) I learnt to accept, prioritize, and love myself – but I’m still working on that, of course.

But, I know, deep down, no matter how well I am, or how happy I am – there will always be a part of me that’s broken. I’ve grown to accept that, accept the fact that I’ll always carry the trauma with me.

But Charlie doesn’t. He’s lived a good life, and he deserves someone who can give him their everything – and that’s not me.

As much as I hate to say it, I’m not good enough for him.

He senses a change in my demeanour and squeezes my hand under the table. I give him a weak smile.

***

“Y/N/N, what’s wrong?”

I look up at my boyfriend. He has a look of concern on his face as he takes a seat next to me on the couch.

I sigh into the quiet. Everyone has fallen asleep, except Charlie and I – we are seated in his living room in front of the fireplace.

“Nothing. I’m just really tired.”

“That’s not true, Y/N. You were fine throughout dinner – oh my god, it’s the ice cream, isn’t it?”

“What?”

“The pistachio ice cream that Maman made. It was weirdly bitter, eh? It’s okay, you can tell me.”

I purse my lips. “No, Charlie. The ice cream was great.”

“Are you sure? You’ve been down since desert.”

“It’s not the ice cream, babe.”

“Okay, then, what is it?”

He looks at me expectantly, and I can sense that he’s feeling anxious.

“I just – I realized that I don’t fit in.”

He furrows his brows, but before he can say anything, I start speaking again. “Charlie, you have such a loving and perfect family. And you know how I grew up. What I went through. So, you know that I’m not used to this. I’m not – I’ve never seen love like this in a family, you know. And I don’t fit in here! While your mother was being so nice to me, I kept wondering when she’s going to scream at me. Or when your father was genuinely interested in me, I kept thinking that maybe he’s trying to find a way to get rid of me. It’s just – it’s just the way I grew up, and I’ll always be like this, Char. Your family is so nice, and it shocks me, honestly. And I think that maybe it’s better if you date someone who grew up the way you did, someone who’s like you. Because I have been broken my whole life, and I don’t think that I can give you everything that you need. I don’t think I’m good enough for you. You’re the best person that I’ve ever met, and I think you should be with someone who’s worthy of you.”

I whisper the last part, and feel a teardrop fall into the space between my collarbones. I look down because I’m too afraid of what he might say.

I hear him breathe out heavily and I feel him take my hands in his.

“Don’t you ever say that.”

“But it’s true –”

“Y/N. Don’t you dare doubt yourself. You are good enough. No, you’re perfect. You’re the strongest woman I know. I completely understand why you feel what you’re feeling right now.”

He scoots closer to me and cups my cheeks in his hands. “And it’s okay. It’s okay to feel that way. It’s okay to feel shocked. That doesn’t make you a bad person, nor does it make you not good enough. In fact, it makes all the stronger – you went through so much as a kid, and still, you have space in your heart for me. You know, I never doubt the fact that you love me, ever. Because you always make me feel special, make me feel good about myself and always make sure that I’m happy. You always go out of your way to take care of me, and you always make me feel at home. I don’t want anyone other than you. I love you so much and I never, ever wanna lose you.”

I think I’m fully crying now, as Charlie continues, “It’s okay to feel that way. Take your time. But I’m never leaving you. You’re my person, and you’ll always fit in with me, baby. Always.”

“Charlie…”

I look at him properly, and I can see the pain in his eyes as a tear traces along the curve of his cheek. He sniffs, saying, “I’m sorry. I just can’t imagine being with anyone other than you.”

“Why are you so good to me?” I whisper, my throat still tight from the emotions.

“Because you deserve someone good, and I can only hope that I’m good for you.”

I wrap my arms around his neck and bury my face in his shoulder as a sob escapes my body. “I’m so sorry, baby. So, so sorry.” I keep whispering that, while he rubs my back, saying ‘it’s okay.’

“I love you so much, Charlie. Honestly, thanks for being so good to me. You have no idea what you mean to me.”

I can feel him smile as he says, “I think I have a pretty good idea, yeah.”

***

jatp requests are open <3

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glassartpeasants · 4 years ago

Text

I’m Sorry

Shigaraki x Reader

Warnings: Angst, like REALLY ANGST

A/N: I came up with this at work, i literally wrote down an entire plot to a story in about 30 minutes. I don’t know if i should feel proud or ashamed

~~~

You sat in your car sighing heavily as you put the seat down to look up at the stars, since you had opened your sunroof. Your arms going behind your head to create a make shift pillow as you waited for your boyfriends response.

Tomura Shigaraki, Leader of the League of villains was your boyfriend, and god did you love him. You loved him more then anything else in the world. But for some reason it felt like he was ignoring you. You look at the text your sent and just stared at it wondering if you said something wrong. You scanned over it again realizing he just hadn’t opened it yet.

You grab the necklace that was hanging around your neck and fiddle with it between your fingers. The metal reminding you of when he officially asked for you to be his.

The necklace was a symbol of devotion to one another. You always wore the necklace cause it made you feel butterflies every time you looked at it. Shigaraki always wore his too. It was so romantic,

Well it was romantic.

You had noticed recently that he stopped wearing it, or forgetting. You didn’t mind at first cause everyone’s forgetful sometimes but it did bother you when it became a regular thing. He’d always say he left it on his nightstand or took it off when he was going to bed. These were all rational explanations but he didn’t even bother to put it back on. It felt like you guys were drifting apart, which ripped a hole right through your heart.

Not to mention every time you went into the hideout, everyone gave you looks of pity. You don’t know why they did but you weren’t gonna question it. You refused to believe that Shigaraki would do anything to hurt you.

~~~

After your little session in the car you had gone grocery shopping for the League, something you would do often. They gave you a list of food they wanted and you got it for them.

You packed up all the groceries in your car and drove towards the building. You smiled all the way there. They didn’t know you were coming it was going to be a suprise! Oh won’t Shigaraki be happy!

You park outside the building and as you got out you see a lady coming out of the building you’ve never seen before. Normally you wouldn’t mind someone like that but...

She had Shigaraki’s hoodie on.

“Hey wait miss! Can i speak to you?” You said running up to her.

“Oh of course, what do you need?”

“Um i was wondering where you got the jacket from? I really like it.” You lie, you wanna know why this woman has your man’s jacket on, but you wanna hear what she has to say first before you go ape shit.

“Oh its my boyfriends! Isn’t it cool! That’s not the only thing he got me either, he gave me this necklace as well. He told me that as long as i have this on, it would show how much i love him. Isn’t that romantic!” Your heart shattered in your chest. You couldn’t believe it. No you wouldn’t, he said he only loved you. How long as this affair been going on? You needed more answers.

“That’s super awesome! How long have you guys been dating?” You smile holding back your tears and the burning urge to scream out of your chest.

“Almost 1 year!” She was so happy, could you tell her? Would she even believe you? She seemed even more happy then you been for the part 2 months, she seemed to be everything you weren’t.

Long hair, curvy, not an inch of skin imperfections, and lets not forget how much bigger her chest was compared to yours. She was everything a man could ever want. Hell she was there for most of your relationship, you guys have been dating for a year and 4 months.

“IM so happy for you! I have to go but i hope to see you later!” You lie through your teeth, you never wanted to see her again.

She drove off while you open the doors to the building looking down as tears streamed your face, your lungs burning with the need to scream and sob.

You open the door to the main room where Shigaraki sat with, Dabi, Spinner. Toga, and Twice. Your arms shaking as you could feel everyone staring at you.

“(Y/N) what brings you here?” Spinner asked before you pushed past him, you grabbed the necklace from off your neck, pulling it off letting bits and pieces of the chain to fall onto the floor. You throw the necklace at Shigaraki before slapping him across the face.

“How fucking dare you! Your such an inconsiderate piece of shit! You thought i wouldn’t find out?! Was she good huh?! Was she worth it?!” Your screams could e heard through the entire building, everyone’s eyes on you as you screamed at their leader. Shigaraki’s eyes were wide, you could see it behind father.

“I-”

“Don’t say a thing! I should have never agreed to be your girlfriend! Was it because she had a better body then me?! Did she satisfy your fucking needs?!” Your rage was outstanding as more tears streamed down your face, the pain of knowing your supposed love of your life was going around with other women. Shigaraki said nothing as he took the screams, his eyes soon looked uninterested and bored, which only fueled your fire.

“You know what fuck you, i wish i never met you. Enjoy that bitch cause im done!” You only cry more as you ran out of the room and out of the building, getting into your car and driving off.

Shigaraki didn’t move an inch as trying to keep his composure. But on the inside he was shaking. He was going to break it off he promised! He was going to the next time he saw her, why couldn’t you have come a little later? Why did you just show up damn you!

Your words cut like knives into Shigaraki’s skin, as the image of you crying kept replaying in his head.

“Nice job Handman.” Shigaraki turned his head towards the burnt male.

“IT’s not your place to talk so shut the hell up.”

“It’s not your place to talk either, must suck knowing the girl that would have taken a bullet for you left you. But can’t say i didn’t see this coming.” Shigaraki stayed silent. He didn’t want to say anything he just wanted to figure out a way to make you come back.

~~~

1 month later

Ice cream.

As stereotypical as that sounds, ice cream had become your best friend for the past few weeks. You just ate your heart away, not mentioning that you threw up everything you ate.

After your fight with Shigaraki you blocked him on everything. His number? Blocked. His gamer profile? Blocked. Everything was blocked.

You had even moved to another part of town, he knew where you lived so you just deiced to up and leave, your lease was over soon anyways. You thankfully found another apartment. It was small but it was perfect for you.

You’ve watched the news a few times looking for any sign of Shigaraki and his plans. But nothing occurred.

“Aw shit-” You ran to the bathroom as fast as you could about to throw up everything you ate that day.

~~~

“Well fuck.” You look down at the home pregnancy test. A positive home pregnancy test.

“What do i do now?” You sat down on the bathroom floor looking up at the ceiling. You liked kids so having on shouldn’t be a problem right?

But the fact that it was your cheating ex’s is the problem...

“No! I will not think about that crusty rat anymore! I don’t need him to be happy i have everything i need right here!” You say to yourself as you get up off the bathroom floor.

“I will take care of this baby and I’ll be the best mother that their could possibly be!” You hype yourself up as smile to yourself. He may be Shigaraki’s child ut that doesn’t mean you can’t love your kid. You would love the kid to the ends of the earth, and no cheating ex will stop that.

~~~

Shigaraki laid down on his bed staring at the ceiling, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. He couldn’t help it, he’d actually lost you.

He tried contacting in in every form possible, once he realize you blocked his number. Once he called from a payphone only to find out you changed your number as well.

He broke off ties with the other girl, hoping it would bring you back. Which it didn’t.

Now he was alone again, the feeling of emptiness crept back up from the depths of his mind as his bed was cold. Your body no longer there to warm it. It ate him alive, the realization that he would never feel your fingertips brush through his hair again or the comforting words you said that put him to sleep.

His thoughts were his own worse enemy, he hated how much that fateful day replayed in his head. Over and over again until it corrupted his everyday life.

His bitterness was soon taking over. The madness that was Tomura Shigaraki slowly crept into his thoughts. Corrupting them, warping his mind making it seem like you were in the wrong not him.

He couldn’t bare to handle the insufferable guilt that he felt so he occupied himself with work. Running the LOV to escape the fractured pieces of his mind.

Within 3 months you were no longer plaguing his mind.

~~~

We skipping to when reader give birth

As you laid down in the hospital bed with your newborn child in your hand you couldn’t help but tear up.

You were 100% sure that your little girl was going to look like her dad, hell she even had the same eyes and mole.

But you couldn’t dwell on the fact she didn’t have a single feature of yours yet all you could think about was the amazing smile she gave you as soon as she saw you.

“Aren’t you just the sweetest little thing.” You cooed at the baby as she giggled at you. She reached her little chubby baby hands at you and grabbed your nose. You chuckled before giving her a kiss on the cheek as you sung her a little lullaby in your arms.

~~~

2 Years later

You watch the TV as the war keeps going on. Fighting and war is all people seem to do nowadays. You were afraid, your not even scared to admit it. After hearing about Shigaraki and learning that He’s now the leader of a huge army made you very scared for your daughter. HE may not know she exists but it still scares you.

You sigh at the Tv before getting up and putting on your jacket getting ready to pick up your daughter from your parents house.

You step out of your door and lock it before going down to your car. Putting your purse in the passenger seat as you buckled up and started the car before pulling out on the road.

Little did you know someone was watching...

~~~

“Pwease! pwetty pwease!” Your daughter whined trying to convince you to let her play on the swings near your parents house. You looked at your daughter as she gave you the puppy eyes.

“Fine, your lucky i love you so much.” You daughter squealed as she ran to the swing and waited for your help.

You laugh as you put your daughter in the baby swing and push her a little bit. Her baby blue hair moving along with the motions. You were right when she got her appearance from Shigaraki but she had your facial features.

‘At least she got something from me’ You chuckled to yourself before you hear your daughters giggles grow quiet.

“Sweetie what’s wrong?” Concern wired in your voice. She kept on looking on the other side of the street, so you look too.

Once your eyes were scanning for a bit they blew wide open as a patch of similar blue hair caught your vision.

No it couldn’t be....you moved how did Shigaraki... how did he find you?

You pick up your daughter before quickly walking towards your car. You car was in eye sight before a gruff voice stopped you in your tracks.

“Is she mine....”You back stiffened as you felt his eyes burning into you. There was no escaping him at this moment.

“Mommy who’s that?” Your daughter asked, her little body trembling as she looked at the hooded man in fear.

“Shigaraki, take your hood off your scaring her.” Your voice stern, laced with poison as all the emotions waved over you once more.

“You know i can’t do that. Answer my question, is she mine.” His voice laced in the same poison you once spoke in.

“No shit sherlock.” You look at him as you hear him let out a huff of air.

“Can...can i see her...” His voice was weak as you saw his hand twitch. HE refused to look at you the entire time.

“You think I’d let you see her?! Shigaraki look at yourself! Your an S-Class villain! If people saw you with her they’d go after her! Im not letting you see her.”

“I know im a villain but she’s my kid too damnit!”

“You didn’t even know she existed! Why now huh?! Why after almost 3 years do you decide to show up now huh?!” Your voice shooting daggers into Shigaraki’s heart once more.

He happened to stumble by you guys on accident, he was walking home from getting a new game when he heard your voice. It may have been years but he could always remember your lullaby you use to sing him to sleep. He walked over to your location and dropped the game on to the cold concrete as he saw you holding a little girl in your arms.

His crimson eyes widen as he stared at the exact copy of himself. There was no way, how could you not have told him?

“Let me guess you accidentally saw us and now you want to be with me again?!” You screamed at him but immediately stopped when you heard sniffling coming from the little girl in your arms.

“Hey, Hey its okay Sayori, mommy’s just a little angry that’s all, im sorry for screaming.” You say as your run your fingers through her hair.

“Please...just...can i not even look at her.....” You could hear it, the pain in his voice. The tiniest part inside you begging you to give him another chance but the realization of having to protect your daughter over through your love for him.

“No. Shouldn’t have cheated. Not going to let my baby be in harms way because her father can’t seem to keep his dick in his pants.” You turn around and walk away leaving Shigaraki at the playground as you drove off.

Shigaraki felt his soul leave his body as his knees gave out. He started to sob uncontrollably. The once dormant flashbacks of your heartbroken face now replayed in his mind once again.

Hiccuping as his sobs became much more inaudible. He felt like shit, the thought of his turning up like his father blew his mind as it only added to the pain. Images of what could have been a happy family replay in his head as he could just imagine a world where he has you by his side and his daughter in his arms.

#mha tomura #tomura shiragaki #mha shigaraki #shigaraki x y/n #shigaraki tomura #Shigaraki #mha angst #bnha angst #shigaraki tomura x reader #tomura shigaraki x reader

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sugarcarnation · 3 years ago

Note

rank the season 2 new directions (including kurt)? (:

ohh okay im gonna rank them once on how much i like them and another time on how much of an important member i think they were

here’s my totally objective ranking of how good the characters are

1. kurt

sorry but this is a kurt hummel stan account before everything else. also his season 2 arc was so good

2. rachel

this is also a rachel berry stan account. and season 2 rachel was hilarious. i love her

3. tina

are we surprised by this ranking? no we’re not. i love her and this season features football player tina so it’s automatically amazing

4. mercedes

i love her. she didn’t get as much plot as she deserved but she was still the best

5. sam

he was very good in the his season. it’s nice to have a guy who isn’t constantly awful to everyone

6. santana

i love that her plot about figuring out her sexuality starts here. and overall it’s way better handled here than in season 3. also she wears a bunch of amazing outfits

7. brittany

season 2 is by far my favorite season for her. i think the writing was still good enough to not make her seem unnecessarily mean to other people and her and santanas relationship was so interesting to me. she also wore very good outfits

8. lauren

she’s a queen and we were robbed of her having more storylines. unfortunately she didn’t do enough for me to justify putting her higher than this

9. quinn

idk what her motivations for pretty much anything are in this season but she’s a girl on a mission and i appreciate that

10. artie

he was actually pretty good. he had some plot and was pretty fun most of the time (i am kinda bitter though that his plot ended with him being the bad guy even though he didn’t do anything wrong. like yeah he wasn’t the nicest but also brittany repeatedly cheated on him. what was he supposed to do? congratulate her?)

11. mike

i feel bad for putting him this low but what did he even do this season besides dancing? the dancing was pretty amazing though

12. finn

okay he ended up pretty low on my list mostly just because i think the writing of him wasn’t great. all the concepts like him struggling with popularity vs being himself are very interesting but not new. like he learned his lesson in season 1. i would like his plot much better if he didn’t totally forget all his character development between the seasons

13. puck

his relationship with lauren was actually cute but besides that he really didn’t do anything interesting this season

and now my how useful were they to the club ranking

1. rachel

i mean yeah. she’s their lead singer and she was the one who came up with the idea of writing their own songs and she even wrote some of the songs they were performing herself

2. mercedes

she probably deserves first place but alas the writers suck and didn’t actually let her do anything

3. santana

i think she really started to realize how much she enjoys performing this season and putting herself more in the spotlight was well deserved and good for the team. she gets minus points for being mean to other people though. that’s not good for the team spirit

4. mike

danced them to victory and didn’t cause any drama. iconic of him

5. brittany

danced them to victory but also caused drama which is why she’s lower than mike

6. kurt

hes in the middle because on the one hand he just left for half the season and only joined them again once they were already going to nationals but on the other hand he supported blaines singing candles at regionals idea and i’m pretty sure that counts as sabotage

7. tina

shes as always underappreciated by everyone. justice for tina. would probably be higher if i didn’t suspect that she’s the one who’s responsible for the awful dresses at regionals

8. artie

honestly the new directions would be lost without artie and it’s time we acknowledge that. hes doing the most singing and no one ever appreciates him. also he’s the one who gave brittany the confidence to dance in front of a big audience so go artie

9. sam

his singing was boring but at least he was a good teammate

10. quinn

her singing was also mostly boring and she was the cause for most of the drama. which is iconic but her trying to sabotage the team unfortunately puts her pretty low on this list

11. lauren

she made the new directions cool

12. finn

hes mostly this low because he kissed rachel at nationals. like buddy that was not the right time. besides that he also caused a bunch of drama and was kinda a dick to people. as the self appointed leader he should do better

13. puck

he brought lauren to the team and i appreciate that

#new directions #asks #rankings

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barnesandrogersfanfics · 5 years ago

Text

Home - Part 5

It had been a couple of weeks since Jack had turned up out of the blue, i had stayed with Bucky and the kids for a week while Bucky had a restraining order sorted out. I was back home now but not before Bucky had arranged for a state of the art security system for the house (which Steve came round to install), i had tried to tell him a standard alarm system would be fine but he insisted that i had this one.....I would even get alerts on my phone if anyone was detected approaching the property.

It had definitely put my mind at ease about being home alone.

Thursday night i was at the Barnes residence later than expected, Bucky had been held up on a case he was working. Allie had been unusually quiet tonight, every time i asked if she was okay she just nodded and after dinner she took herself up to bed.

It was nearing midnight when Bucky finally got home, i had been asleep in the armchair with the chunky blanket over me but woke up hearing the front door close. Bucky walked in looking exhausted but still gave me a smile when he locked eyes with me.

"Hey doll, I'm sorry its so late. You didn't have to wait up you should have gone to bed"

"I was going to but i wanted to talk to you about Allie" i told him rubbing my eyes trying to wake up.

"She okay?" He asked looking worried, i nodded quickly as he sat on the table in front of the armchair i was in.

"She's just not been herself since i picked them up from school. She's been so quiet all evening Bucky and thats just not like her..... she had dinner then took herself to bed. I tried asking if she was okay and all i got was a nod"

"That does sound odd for Allie, i'll talk to her in the morning"

"Okay, well i'll just do their lunches then I'm gonna turn in for night" i said throwing the blanket off and getting up.

"I'll help you with that, get it done quicker".

I made the sandwiches while Bucky grabbed the fruit packs and juice boxes.

He zipped up the lunch bags after adding the sandwiches i made and put them into the girls school bags. I was wiping down the side when i heard Bucky mumble "shit" under his breath.

"Everything okay?"

"I think i know whats got Allie acting like she is..." he said handing me a sheet of paper from Allie's bag.

'Mother Daughter Picnic' was written at the top of the page signed by Ms Harper for tomorrow!

"Is this a yearly thing?"

"No, they've never had one of these before"

"This woman is crazy! She doing this because you turned her down?"

"I have no idea" he run a hand through his hair "i'll just keep Allie home from school if you dont mind having her?"

"I dont mind at all Bucky you know that. Or i could go with Allie?" I shrugged, this woman was really pissing me off!

"You'd do that?"

"Of course! Ms Harper already thinks we're married so why not" i chuckled rolling my eyes "i dont want her thinking she's got one over on you either"

"Im sure Allie would love having you there with her Y/N" Bucky smiled.

"Do you think Steve could watch Rosie while i do the picnic with Allie?"

"Yeah not a problem, i'll call him in the morning get him to swing by"

"Sounds good, well I'm gonna go get some sleep...good night Buck" i smiled before turning to head up to my room, he grabbed my hand stopping me as i passed him and pulled me in for a hug.

"Thank you doll, you dont know how much this means to us. Your amazing" he kissed the top of my head and took a step back "goodnight Y/N"

"Goodnight" i replied quickly feeling my cheeks burn and went up to my room before he had a chance to see the effect he had on me!

"Allie, baby i saw a letter in your bag about a Mother Daughter picnic at school today" Bucky said at breakfast the next day, she nodded sadly not looking at any of us.

"What would you say if Y/N went with you?"

She looked up with wide eyes at me then Bucky "really?"

"If thats okay with you sweetheart, i'd love to come to a picnic with you" i smiled at her, she broke out in a huge smile climbing down from her chair and running over to me.

"Thank you Y/N" she squeezed me tightly back to the happy Allie we were used to.

She leaned back and placed her little hands either side of my face and smiled "I love you!"

If it was possible my heart would have melted right there!

"Awww Allie! I love you too sweetheart" i smiled at her.

"I love you too Y/N!" Brooke added not wanting to be left out, i chuckled before smiling over at her.

"I love you too Brooklyn James, i love you all"

I caught Bucky smiling at his girls then at me, i quickly returned his smile.

"Okay, i gotta go my girls" he got up pulling on his suit jacket "Steve will be here at 11am to watch Rosie"

"Great"

"How about i swing by the school and pick you girls up today?" Bucky suddenly added like it was the best idea he'd ever had.

"You having a early day?" I asked sounding surprised.

"Yeah, i'll be there to pick you and the girls up" he smiled kissing Rosie and Brooke on the head then coming over to where Allie was still in my lap to kiss her, he surprised me when he kissed my head too.

"See you girls later, love you" he called leaving the dining room, and with that he was gone.

"Okay, lets get you guys to school".

Steve was at the house at 11am as promised, i didn't have to be at the school til 12 so we sat and had a coffee and a chat while we waited. When i told Steve id have to walk to the school because Bucky had insisted on picking us up afterwards, he offered to drop me there instead saying he didn't want me wandering alone.

"So, Mother daughter picnics huh?" Steve said teasingly and wriggling his eyebrows as he drove me to the school.

"Yep looks like it" i nodded " i love the girls, id do anything for them.... even going to mother daughter picnics organised by bitter old bitches"

"Ms Harper definitely fits the bitter old bitch title" Steve laughed "she's liked Buck since high school! You'd think she'd get over him already.... i mean his not even that great" He rolled his eyes playfully making me laugh.

"Thats a lie and you know it, your both great guys"

"Aw thanks Y/N!"

"Shut up Steve, dont make me take it back"

"Oh no you can't take it back now"

"Fine!"

"But in all seriousness, you and Bucky seem to be getting along well...."

"Yeah of course, it'd be kinda awkward if we didn't being as I'm there with kids all day" i scoffed.

"Seems like a little more than a work relationship though"

"Well its not" i shook my head looking to Steve "do you think im sleeping with him or something?"

"No! no of course not..... are you? I mean it'd be totally okay of you were..."

"Im not! God Steve...." i huffed as he pulled up out the front of the school "i can't believe you would ask me that"

"Why? Its not such a crazy thought! I think your good together, and i haven't seen him this happy in a very long time....I think a lot of that has to do with you"

"Your crazy!"

"Tell me you dont have feelings for him then..."

"Shut up Steve" i threw the door open "im late now! Thanks!" I turned to check on Rosie she was still fast asleep in the back seat "dont be bringing this shit up to Bucky!" I closed the door and marched into the school.

I followed the signs for the picnic around the outside of the building that then led onto the playing field where benches had been set out. All the benches were filled with moms and smiling little girls, then i spotted Allie standing on her own away from everyone with Ms Harper! I jogged over only to hear Ms Harper make a comment to Allie about having no mom and that she shouldn't here at the picnic!!

I saw red!! The anger was raging through me, but i knew i couldnt make a scene here infront of everyone.

"Allie!" I called to her so she knew i was there and hadnt let her down! Her little face lit up and she flew into my arms.

"Im so sorry I'm late babe, you can blame Uncle Steve for driving like an old woman" i smiled at her before turning to look at Ms Harper.

"Ms Harper, id like to say its nice to see you again but i dont like to lie infront of my kids" i felt some semblance of pleasure from the worried look on the womans face.

"Allie why dont you go find us a seat, i'll be right there"

"Okay" she said happily running off towards the benches. Once she was far enough away i turned my attention to Ms Harper.

"I heard what you said to Allie you spiteful bitch! I get your not happy that Bucky isn't interested in you but guess what? You dont always get what you want!! And you cannot say that shit to a five year old!"

"I was only telling her the truth! Her moms dead! Why should she be here?"

"Shes got a mom you stupid fuck! Im her mom got it??! I already warned you about messing with my kid.... your lucky theres people here because god help me you would be on your fucking ass by now if they weren't!"

I turned to go find Allie but stopped to look back at Ms Harper "oh and you should probably start looking for a new job, I'm not letting this go and I'm sure my husband wont either when i tell him the vile shit coming out of your mouth"

"But i....." she started to say with wide eyes.

"Have a good afternoon Ms Harper" i called back in an over the top happy voice as i approached the benches and found Allie.

The picnic was lovely, we were sat with some of Allie's friends and their moms who Allie introduced as Josie and her mom Kylie, Emma and her mom Rachel and then Nell and her mom Nessa.

They were all lovely and very welcoming, the afternoon flew by and playdates were arranged, I'm sure Bucky would love that!

2:45 came around and the picnic was over, i took Allie's hand and we made our way out front to wait for Bucky. To our surprise he was already outside waiting for us leaning against the side of his car, he greeted us both with a smile.

"Hey girls"

"Hey yourself" i smiled at him as he scooped Allie up into one arm and draped the other over my shoulders placing a kiss on the side of my head.

"How'd it go?"

"It was so much fun daddy! Y/N met my friends!" Allie told him sounding so happy at how the afternoon went.

"She did?" He asked matching her tone and smiling. I spotted Ms Harper hovering over near the gates looking towards us and frowned.

"You okay doll? You look like your ready to murder someone" Bucky asked as his arm slipped down to wrap around my waist.

"Maybe because i am! I need to talk to you about Ms Harper....."

"Okay" he nodded then turned to strap Allie into her booster seat while we waited for Brooke to come out. Once he was done he closed the car door and turned me to face him so i had my back to Ms Harper the super bitch!! He held one hand against the side of my face making me look up at him, it would look pretty intimate to anyone watching and that was the whole point.... right?

"What happened?" He asked calmly and i couldn't help but wonder how long he'd keep that calm look about him once i told him what she had said.

"I was a little late getting here because Steve was driving like an old woman..." i started to say, i wasn't about to tell Bucky i was late because Steve was questioning mine and Bucky's relationship!

"When i got here Ms Harper was standing away from the picnic with Allie.... as i got closer i heard her telling Allie she shouldn't be at the picnic because she doesn't have a mom!" I closed my eyes trying to fight back the anger once again "how could someone say that Buck!"

I could feel the anger vibrating through Bucky but he just pulled me into his arms, my arms wrapping around his waist.

"I think we should report her Bucky, she cant get away with saying these things to Allie!"

"I agree doll, this has to stop. I'll make an appointment to see the principal”

"I can come with you if you want? Tell him what I've heard her say..."

"Yeah okay, id like that"

"I should tell you now, i threatened to knock her on her ass.... i kinda lost my shit with her" i admitted and Bucky just chuckled dropping his head to my shoulder.

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monstaxvibes · 5 years ago

Text

Nicotine (3)

pairing: changkyun x reader

genre: teenage angst, bad boy au, drama

count: 1.7K

warnings: underage substance abuse, slight addiction, toxic relationship, violence, ADULT LANGUAGE

Inspired by the lyrics to the song Nicotine by Panic! At The Disco and the UK tv show, Skins.

******TRIGGER WARNING******

Includes drug abuse, underage intoxication, addiction, violence, and cursing. If you are triggered or not comfortable with these subjects, please DO NOT READ!

Also includes toxic relationships! If you or anyone you know is in a dangerous and toxic relationship, please reach out for professional help!

—————————————————————

Your mind rushes through the memories of the time you first met JB. It was only a few months ago, during the beginning of senior year. Changkyun dragged you out to one of Jooheon’s underground rap battles. He was there to pick up and deal, and he left you alone for a while so he can maneuver through the crowd. Jooheon was in the middle of his verse, and you were watching and listening in amazement. Damn, he was talented.

“Hey, you a friend of Jooheon?” a low voice asked near your ear.

You jumped up and snapped your head around to see whom the owner of the voice belonged to. His face seemed familiar, but you don’t think you’ve met him before. He was strikingly handsome, and his sharp eyes make your heart flutter. He appeared cold and unapproachable, but his warm smirk said otherwise. He has two anti-brow piercings near his right cheekbone, just above the hoop in his nose, that mirrored his unique birthmarks above his left eye. He was gorgeous, and you couldn’t help but stare in amazement.

“So…. Are you?” he questioned.

“Uhm, yeah. I am.” you stumbled.

“Oh, cool. Jooheon and I use to b-boy together before he started rapping. Wait, you’re Im Changkyun’s girl, right?”

“Huh? How did you know that?” you belted over the heavy beat.

“I’ve seen you around before,” he smirked.

That night, you and JB got to know each other over some stolen alcohol and a pack of cigarettes. And since then, he became someone that you considered a friend. He always responded to your text messages and gave you attention which Changkyun never seemed to provide. You vented to him about everything, and he told you that you should dump Changkyun. But you never listened to him. JB always flirted with you and tried to make you go out alone with him, which you never did due to your blinded loyalty to Changkyun. Whenever you did invite him to a party that Changkyun dragged you to, he always had an excuse and never showed up. It was as if he was avoiding Changkyun.

After months of talking, you depended on JB as not only a friend but also someone that gives you the attention you craved. But it was never enough since it’s Changkyun’s attention you wanted the most.

Tonight, Changkyun took you to Jooheon’s rave, and despite showing up together, he was quickly surrounded by girls that were desperately trying to get his attention. You drowned your anger in alcohol and pills, but you couldn’t tame your jealousy. One pill became two which easily turned into 4 or 5. You downed every drink handed to you. You complained to your friends, and with them egging you on, you decided to invite JB to the rave to try to get Changkyun just as jealous. A simple message to JB ended up with his quick reply, which confirmed that he would be there soon with his friends. While waiting, you started to feel the effects of the drugs, and you danced along to the music that blared throughout the house.

You felt a pair of hands grip your waist, and the smell of JB’s cologne burn into your nose, which intoxicated your thoughts. You glanced over to where Changkyun was sitting with Jooheon and started to whisper in JB’s ear in an attempt to grab Changkyun’s attention. You thought JB would do what he always did and let you tease him because you knew he would never make a move on you while in a relationship. That was the ”good” friend you thought of him to be. But when JB suddenly spun you towards him and grabbed your ass through your leather skirt, you gasped in shock.

“Jaebum, what are you doing!?” you yelped.

He wore an evil grin and darkly replied, “I’m tempting the devil, baby. And it seems like he finally wants to play.”

—

The sound of shattering glass snaps you back to reality. Your head is spinning, and you can’t think straight. You don’t know if it’s from the alcohol and MDMA or the fear building it’s way up to lump in your throat, but you did know that you’re going to be sick. You open your mouth to scream, but your screams go unheard.

“Stop!! Stop it! Please!!!!!”

No one is listening. No one wants to listen. You shake your head to try to clear your intoxicated brain and focus on what’s going on around you.

People. So many people. Some are recording the fight on their phones, and others are cheering. Jooheon. He is holding back one of JB’s friends by his throat. All of Changkyun’s friends were holding another boy back. Your friends. Dramatically gasping and scurrying away to the other side of the living room. The speakers are still blaring by the bass of heavy EDM music. A mixture of glass and blood littered the floor. Painful groans and curses words flood your ears. Changkyun is bleeding heavily from his lip, overflowing his mouth with crimson, and there's a gash above his eyebrow piercing, which is leaking into his eye. JB’s nose is gushing all of his grey sweatshirt, and the right side of his face has scrapes from Changkyun’s rings.

No! This has to stop. What if they kill each other?! Crap, y/n DO SOMETHING. STOP THEM.

“Changkyun, stop!!” you screech.

He doesn’t acknowledge your pleads, and you feel yourself getting sick.

“JB! Please!” you beg the other boy.

WHY IS NO ONE LISTENING TO ME?! You feel yourself getting lightheaded. Your chest hurts so badly. Are you even breathing? Why is it so fucking hot in here? Is this a panic attack. No, this is different. Something’s wrong.

But wait, they are still fighting! You have to stop them! There’s only one thing you can do, and you wanted to avoid it for your safety, but your security is no longer important. These boys are fighting to the death. And you can’t watch them tear each order apart.

You take a deep breath, and without hesitation, you fling yourself in front of JB in an attempt to stop Changkyun’s next swing. Everything feels like it’s going in slow motion. You watch JB’s eyes widen in fear while watching you try to protect him. You see the look of pain in Changkyun’s face as he realizes he is going to hit you. You also hear JB call out your name in horror. What you didn’t hear or see was Jooheon pushing you out of harm's way and taking the blow for you. He was watching your every move like a hawk, and when he saw the look of determination in your eye, he abandoned his job of blocking the other boys from joining the fight and chose to protect you. You fall unto the hardwood floor and wince as you feel the shards of broken glass pierce the side left side of your body. You pick yourself up quickly and watch Jooheon crumble to the ground in pain. You jump in front of JB again in another attempt to stop the brawl taking place.

“CHANGKYUN, I SAID STOP!”

Changkyun glances down to his best friend and then back at you. “Fuck, Y/N! Get the fuck out of my way!” he spits out.

“No! I refuse to let you hurt him anymore! Stop hurting people! What are you doing!?” you belt over the music.

Changkyun gritted his teeth, and you never felt more terrified of the boy you painfully love. His eyes are like daggers, and his face is bloody and bruised. He looks like the monster everyone thinks of him to be. The monster you know isn’t real because you’ve seen small glimpses of a warm, broken boy he is hiding. Seeing him like this doesn’t fill your heart with hate but with pity and pain. But, as much as you try to fight it off, the hatred is seeping through to your heart, and it’s getting harder to look at him. Your vision is getting blurry.

“Y/N. Move,” he repeats, no longer staring at you but the boy you’re protecting him from.

“Yeah, Y/N, move,” Jaebum chimes in, “Let him try to finish what he started,” he growls.

You glare at JB in shock. “No! Cut it out! Are you both trying to kill each other?! What the fuck is going on?!” you seethe.

They don’t look at you but at each other, and their glares are full of hate. What the hell is going on? How do they even know each other? Does Changkyun think I’m cheating? No, this has to be way more profound than that.

“DAMMIT Y/N STOP PROTECTING HIM” Changkyun scolds.

JB responds to him before you have a chance to.

“Aw, what’s the matter, Kyun? Butt-hurt that your girlfriend cares for me more than you? That she wants to protect me from you? How does that bitter pill taste, huh? Is it tough to swallow? Does it fucking hurt that the girl you love might want someone else?!”

Your head keeps spinning. You are so confused. You’re beginning to feel numb at the ends of your fingertips, and you knew you’re moments away from collapsing. Whatever drugs you took are not sitting well with you, and your heartbeats quicken from fear. What’s happening right now?

You stumble over, and you feel a pair of hands grab at your body. Your vision is going blurry, but you see that its Jooheon who’s trying very hard not to get his blood on you while holding you up.

“Is she alright?!” you hear Changkyun’s voice echo as though he’s a mile away.

“Are you happy, Kyun? Another girl’s life you’ve ruined.”

“Shut the fuck up, Jaebum!”

“First Seungyeon and now her! You should rot in hell! You’ve killed them both!”

“Everyone shut up! Minhyuk, get the truck ready!” you hear Jooheon’s voice from a distance. “Changkyun, get everyone out of here! JB, get lost! Or I call the cops, and we’re all fucked!”

“Y/N! Y/N!!!!!”

You can’t feel yourself breathe. Everything hurts. You desperately try to cling onto Jooheon, afraid that you are slipping away from his grasp and falling into nothingness. You scream, but no sounds leave your mouth. You try to move around to feel something or someone, but all you feel is numbness. You see all the colors around you swirl together before fading into black.

Suddenly, you no longer hear the voices calling out to you. You no longer feel the sharp pains that were once shooting through your body. You no longer suffer from the panic that was previously consuming you. There’s only darkness. And your brain shuts off.

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oh-mother-of-darkness · 5 years ago

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answers (16)

Anonymous said: A lot of these secrets are really serious and sad so heres a lighter one: me and my sister are knitting christmas socks for the whole family as a surprise. Ive never knit a pattern before but im really good!!

Amazing!!

Anonymous said: idk if your still doing this but my secret is I fear im a terrible person who only acts nice to rick people into liking her and ik that actually does make me an okay but i still feel im doing it for the wrong reasons and someones going to get too close and find out the truth and hate me

That’s very self aware of you, I think-- probably too self aware. You’re absolutely right to say it’s the trying that matters, but I’m not gonna blame you for worrying about it. I have similar concerns about myself sometimes. I’m aware that for me personally they’re partially justified. Some of my kindness is self motivated.

I think though (and it seems like you already know this) it’s the effect of the kindness that matters. Maybe it’s better for me if I have “pure” intentions, but if I don’t, I should still do the kind things anyway, right? Because at the end there’s still going to be good. And there’s nothing bad about actively trying to be good, which is all we’re doing.

Anonymous said: my secret is that ive been chasing after a dream my whole life but im not sure ill ever achieve it. times running out and i dont know what to do if i cant. i feel like my whole life has been put on standby and i dont know the way out. i know ill be okay in the end but i dont know what the end will be and that scares me.

Shit that’s relatable. You really will be okay, but it’s terrifying in the meantime, isn’t it? To have those turning points bearing down on you?

Things will happen. You can’t stop that. Time is gonna continue, but you’ll still be there at the end. Your head’s already in the right place.

Anonymous said: My secret is that I really, really like one of my friends, but he has a girlfriend and slept with one of my best friends when they were both super drunk. I want the feelings to stop and go back to being just friends, because I honestly think I don't have a chance, but there is a small part of me that doesn't want to let go. I don't know what to do.

Well that’s a bitch of a situation, isn’t it? Romantic feelings aren’t really my area, but I understand holding on to things you consciously want to let go. Emotions always feel like part of me, you know? I don’t want to tear them away. Sometimes it’s better to do it, though. I don’t know from a few sentences if that’s the case here, but I hope you find the way that’s the best for you

Anonymous said: My secret is I used to be suicidal, in my pre/early teens. I had realised I was lesbian in a small, largely Catholic town and hated myself for it. I was awful at social situations and couldn’t make friends. I hated myself for having baby fat because I danced part time. Then as I got older I slowly got more confident until one day a friend died I realised that holy shit I used to be suicidal and I could have killed myself. I’m terrified that I might get like that again and actually do it

Honestly, and I know this is gonna sound cliche, but I’m always in awe of folks like you. I don’t handle my own mental health issues super well most of the time, and to hear about someone growing? Changing? Getting better? Amazing

Anonymous said: If you're still taking these... my secret is that I don't want to give birth to children ever, and would consider adopting instead (when I'm older), but if I were to voice that to any family member or even an acquitance, they would shun me for it and make sure they try to talk me out of it. I really hate how conservative people put so many expectations on my shoulders

Heyyyyyy same. I’m not planning on birthing any kids, but my parents have come down pretty heavily on the single-women-should-not-adopt-children thing, which is.... bullshit. I’m gonna adopt some kids one day, whether they like it or not.

You know your own mind and your own plans. Other people don’t have to be happy about them, even (maybe especially) family members.

Anonymous said: My secret is that I’m a bad friend. I don’t make time for the few friends I have and spend most my time working or being in my room. They deserve better than me.

I don’t think you’re a bad friend. Not being around isn’t bad-friend behavior. You’re not hurting anyone. You’re not doing anything wrong. And I certainly don’t think that it justifies the idea that they should leave you. Relationships are always kinda a difficult balancing act, but you don’t have to be perfect at balancing it, you know?

Anonymous said: My secret is that I'm extremely self-sufficient, I've always had to be. But because there's no one else taking care of me it's so hard to invest my time in others because I'll neglect my own mental state. It make sit hard to develop stable relationships. Every once in a while I re-realize that I'm no one's priority so I have to be my own. And it just sucks.

Shit anon that’s really really rough. It makes me sad with you. I’m not going to tell you you’re wrong, because I don’t know, do I? But I hope you are.

Anonymous said: My secret is I imagine myself as OCs I create for certain fandoms like Young Justice or Castlevania, and I spend all my time daydreaming of how I would act in episodes and how I would interact with the characters. I think it’s because I’m not satisfied with my life, and I’m also afraid that this makes me either weird or crazy.

Oh biggest mood

I do that too. I’m not in a position to say whether that’s a good or bad thing, but I like to think it just makes us creative. For me, it eventually found an outlet in writing, and that’s been a big source of joy in my life. I had some unpleasant experiences sharing that stuff with people in the past, but for me? I don’t worry about it anymore. I know a lot of people that do similar stuff.

Write some fanfiction, maybe :) You might be real good at it

Anonymous said: My secret is I’m secretly attracted to people who are better than me at stuff

That’s not really my area, but seems to me that’s a pretty good thing to be attracted to. One of the sweetest things I hear around school is people talking about how their partners are going to be such good lawyers. It’s cute.

Anonymous said: My secret is that my anxiety is crushing me. I don't want to feel this way anymore.

Oh, anon. I just.... feel you. I’ve been really struggling lately with the idea that other people move through life without that handicap, and it amazes and angers me. Why don’t I get that? Why am I like this? It isn’t fair.

And it isn’t. It just isn’t. You didn’t ask to death match your brain every second of the day. You’re not any worse than everyone else, so why do you have to suffer? I don’t know. I really don’t.

The only happy thing I can say to you is people do heal. It’s bullshit that it takes so much time and effort, but it is possible. I’m better off now than I was five years ago, even if it did take five years and a whole lot of therapy, medication, and energy. You shouldn’t have to fight like this, but you can, and you can win.

Anonymous said: My secret is Im so bitter most of the time that I cant be happy for others. Me and my best friend are both singers but I can never be happy for her when she gets compliments or any success bc im jealous and im scared I'll never learn to be selfless and happy for other people

You’re only human. You have human emotions. You have every right to feel them. The only thing that matters is your choices, because that’s the only thing you can control.

I’m so sorry you’re scared. That’s another emotion you have every right to feel

Anonymous said: My secret is that sometimes I hated myself for not express what I felt because I thought they'll hate me or make distance of me but I'm learning to express my feelings to others and try to be more confidence :) I hope you'll be brave too and do whatever you want to do 💜

I wanna be anon when I grow up

Anonymous said: My secret is that my hands hurt all the time but in different ways, and I’m scared to get help because I’m scared they’ll tell me I’m making it up or being dramatic.

Man do I hate the shit people put you through to get medical help. Everybody’s entitled to ask, aren’t they? So why are we all making that difficult? Why are we making people feel bad about their own pain?

I understand your fear, but I hope you start asking questions anyway. Other people’s opinions about it aren’t your fault

Anonymous said: My secret is that my dermatillomania has gotten way worse since I got to college, so I’m having to wear headscarves again to keep myself from picking my scalp. I smuggled my scarf collection out of my room without telling my parents.

I’m sorry, anon. That’s difficult. That sucks. That’s bullshit.

Anonymous said: my secret is that when one of my family members says something homophobic I'll laugh and agree because I'm afraid that they'll disown me if there's any shred of proof that I'm LGBT and it makes me feel like such filth

That’s not your fault. It’s theirs for making you feel unsafe, because your safety really should be your first priority! That’s okay! You’re not being a bad person by doing it. You’re just protecting someone. You’re allowed to make that someone you

#some pretty heavy subjects here so #suicide #suicidal thoughts #anxiety #depression #mental illness #homophobia #if there's anything else let me know #asks #secrets

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soldrawss · 6 years ago

Note

Don't read unless you have watched the new episode. But the whole time I watched it I was thinking how it pretty wild that your comic and the episode are basically the same.

OK I HAVE FINALLY WATCHED THE EPISODE AND BOY WHOO HOO HOWDY I’M GONNA INCLUDE MY THOUGHTS UNDER THE CUT BECAUSE I KNOW A FEW OTHERS HAVE YET TO SEE IT AS WELL AND I DON’T WANT TO SPOIL ANYTHING BUT WHOO LETS GO BABES

SO first off I’m just gonna say that I LOVED the episode. Really and truly honestly I did. I don’t think there were any major things that I didn’t like tbh. It was such a truthfully wholesome episode. And I’m actually happy with the amount of screen time we got with Scrooge and his insight with Christmas.

HOWEVER. I wish it was a 45-minute special. Because I think we could have absolutely dived MUCH deeper into the relationship between 1) Younger Donald and Dewey and 2) (the most important) DONALD AND DELLA. I mean like HOLY SHIT. I have to collect my thoughts together really quick cause I’m gonna explode just going on about the sibling relationship going on there so let me backtrack really quick and start from the beginning.

First and foremost. The set up to the episode was great. The kids getting ready for Christmas. Webby’s little hug to Huey and Huey’s patient little smile back to her. Louie’s X-mas list and his “let me explain”, like yes my son, own it. Donald being his best dad self, decorating and STILL playing guitar and singing awful carols at the top of his lungs like, we stan a good good duck dad!!! Literally, everyone is top notch just being great!

Then we get to plot. The ghosts are back in town. And they’re ready to get down and dirty and party and I LIVE for the idea that they were originally looking for a different Scrooge and that OUR Scrooge actually LOVES Christmas (And I’m so glad that we still don’t know why Scrooge has beef with Santa cause like, that’s potential for future X-Mas episodes and I’m all about having more mysteries to look forward to alright?) So we get it. Party on Scrooge lets go back in time!!!

So we’re 12 minutes in, more Scrooge stuff happens (Which I adore. Love that they brought back Goldy. Love that Young Scrooge is so passive about seeing Old Scrooge. LOVE that BEAKLY fucking FLIRTS with the GRIM REAPER SKJD;S GET IT GIRL LOVE THAT) And super double plot twist is that little jimmy cricket over here is actually like, kinda evil? Well not evil, but he’s a little-twisted buddy, which isn’t his fault, but he just wants to party and feels like everyone abandons him when once they find the true meaning of Christmas (being with family) Which Scrooge does. Which also, can we appreciate how fast it takes for Scrooge to be like, yeah I’m bored of this adventure stuff, can I just go home to my family now? It may have just been the episode time frame but IDK man, I feel like he’s growing from once being bitter to becoming that good old family man again. Good, good old man, I love him.

ANYWAY- NOW LETS GET DOWN TO THE JUICY HALF OF THE EPISODE AND THE HALF THE EVERYONE WANTS MORE OF INCLUDING MYSELF

OK So here we see Dewey hitch a ride on grims cloak and fall into let’s say around 25+ years in the past. The FIRST thing I noticed and the first shot we get is a mere parallel to the one we see when Scrooge first falls in the past. Its a shot of the mansion. But as opposed to the shot where Scrooge falls during a Christmas where his mansion is LIT the fuck up with lights and sounds and color and LIFE, Dewey sees it dark and practically dead, but still recognizably the Mc’Duck Mansion. One of the next shots we see takes place inside, and we see the mansion (remember this duck is a billionaire) with the wallpaper peeling and the walls cracking and hardly lit and it looks absolutely deserted and kinda uncared for which BREAKS MY HEART OK!!!

(But I’m so glad I at least got the scene right where Dewey’s first interaction with Donald is through his music and that Dewey could guess it was Donald through his Voice™!!! Also, should have thought of Bluey. That was SO much better than Deuteronomy. But oh well! Got the fake family part right! And the fact that Donald knew she was out back looking fo Santa and was trying to catch Santa for Scrooge. That last part wasn’t in the comic, but that was going to be the original idea for part 4 and FUCK YEAH I WAS ON A ROLL)

And ohhhh when Donald says this is the most confusing family! Ouufff that hit me so hard!!! Cause like, honestly, in canon, Donald is SO proud of his heritage and family line. He’s the only Disney character to really even HAVE a family tree, are you kidding me?

Also Dewey just Yeeting himself out a window with Donald’s guitar as Leverage was such a good idea I wish I would have thought of it and I’m SO ANGRY that I didn’t but I guess if I had then technically I would have been a mind reader or actually stealing from the show so good job me for NOT doing that but I at least got them Escaping out the window part down so WOOP FOR that!

ALSO DONALD JUST STRAIGHT UP LICKING THE TREE! WONDERFUL GOOD BOY AND LIKE!!! AND LIKE!!! OK I kinda played around with the idea that Donald kinda just does stuff without explanation and when someone asks we gives off these weird oneliners that don’t really answer the question of WHY he did/was doing the thing in the first place is something I absolutely live for and both his interactions within my comic and in the show are so parallel with one another that I’m actually mind freaked right now I want to scream I fucking love these kids ok?!?!?

So I could probably live for the next 30 years off of just Dewey and Donald just talking to each other like, it was probably only 40 seconds of conversation, but I lived for every second like it was the only thing that mattered!!! Just Dewey being so Hecking Excited to learn more about Della from someone willing to talk to him without any trauma™ and I LOVED how Donald never outrightly admitted that Della wasn’t Amazing or Awesome (Dewey said it at least twice when referring to Della) and just changed the subject. Like, true sibling love. (I would have also accepted if he had called her a nerd or a geek or something similar because they are siblings after all, like jeezus the whole episode was mostly about their fight like, anything is great, give me them sibling dynamics)

OK AND THEN THE MOMENT OF TRUTH

DELLA MY SWEET BABY GIRL APPEARS AND SHE IS MY EVERYTHING

OK honestly I was gonna draw her with a bit more messy hair but OTHERWISE SHE’S PERFECT. AND HER’S AND DONALDS IMMEDIATE BICKERING IS MY FAVORITE EVER. (And tbh her reaction to them NOT being Santa clause and honestly that entire net scene was also gonna be my reaction so don’t be surprised when you see that in upcoming continuation of my comic) (Also her calling Dewey a Dummy, is ACE)

So their whole fight scene going on. The whole Dumbella incident. You can just FEEL the sibling energy off of it. I ate that shit up SO FAST. I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT. (I WANT SO MUCH MORE OF THAT STUFF PLEASE DT CREW GIVE US A FLASHBACK EPISODE OF THE COUSINS I NEEEEEEED IT) If you’ve ever had a sibling then you KNOW. You know that look when Della got when Donald called her Dumbella. The No, not until you apologize she gave back. The FOR WHAT?? The endless back and forth that would have continued onward for a LONG time if they weren’t in impending doom. Man that’s the shit right there. That’s really all I wanted I could have had a full 45 minutes of just THAT right there. Just these kids being siblings.

(Also, Donald outing himself about the toothbrush and combat boots, he’s so gonna pay for that later I can feel it in my bones and I live for these moments kids)

AND THEN WE GET THE FIRST HEARTBREAKER OF THE NIGHT FOLKS, when Dewey figures out why Della’s so peeved at Donald (rightfully so) and it’s just!!! It’s just so good that all Della really wanted was to spend time with Donald and make a memory of it and catch Santa together and folks I would be lying to you and to God and to our Lord and savior Carl Barks if I said that I didn’t cry, these siblings are so good. (And the fact that Dewey also made a quick connection to himself, like, ohhh yeah I need to also be better and apologize to MY family and give MY Donald a hug when I get home)

NOW SHIT GETS REAL!!! The way Donald and Della land after getting free from the net. These kids were BORN for adventuring. This isn’t their first rodeo and this is what I want to see more of!!! Donald and Della as the fighting duo!!! (Dewey totally face planted my smol blue bean I love you) Della gets into fighting position ready to go, and Donald flips his hair back outta the way like so cool and nonchalantly LIKE DREAM TEAM SO COOL I LOVE THEEEEEMMMM!!! aND THEN when they find out the Wendigo is after Scrooge, They’re all like, “of, yeah, duh, Its always scrooge,” and then IMMEDIATELY GO AFTER HIM IN PERFECT FIGHTING SYNC LIKE THESE ARE 10-YEAR-OLDS AND THEY FIGHT LIKE THEY HAVE BEEN FIGHTING ON SCROOGE’S BEHALF FOR YEARS AND IM!!! (there’s so much fanfic potential here i’m screaming) And Dewey’s kinda just standing back like, Woah nelly, CAUSE LOOK AT THESE DUCK CHILDREN GO!!! LOOK AT MY LITTLE FIGHTING REBEL KIDS I ;KLD’KLASJ’F I LOVE THEM!!!

(Also, shout out to the last episode, in which we see that Donald kept the broken guitar under hammock all those years, he never could manage to through the thing away, i love this temperamental kid so much guys i’m crying again) But I’m glad we got to see Wee angry Donald!!! That was a fun thing I’m glad they put that in!!!

And now for the final! I’M glad Donald apologized rightly and straight away and wholeheartedly! That’s the good boy I know and Love! And Dewey going in for the hug!!! So sweet!!! But also!!! Della like, immediately figuring out that Dewey was from the future, I kinda like that! I wasn’t going to do it, but I like it! Love how smart she is and just how nonchalant they both are about it cause hey, have you MET their family? I like how they say Ducks, too. Not Mc’Ducks. Like, Scrooge is Weird and they do all sorts of crazy stuff with him, but you haven’t SEEN crazy till you’ve met the hick side of the family.

And then it’s like, just like that, they’re gone! And ouufff boy that was not the goodbye I was expecting but sometimes goodbyes are like that and that’s ok and I respect the out the DT crew took cause it flowed so nicely and well but boy did it hurt. (Can you imagine Donald and Della coming back with THEN Scrooge with this whole explanation to find nothing there and Scrooge being like???? Ack you kids leave me alone I hate Christmas as it is I don’t need you all playing tricks on me with fake Wendigos and family members from the futures when I have important things to do bah humbug or something and Donald and Della just have to live with this knowledge but at least they have each other and are closer for the better!!!) Because then Scrooge was there and THEN DEWEY WAS CRYING AND THERE’S JUST SO MANY EMOTIONS CAN YOU IMAGINE ALL THE EMOTIONS THIS KID IS GOING THROUGH RIGHT NOW AND HE JUST WANTS TO GO HOME AND SEE HIS UNCLE DONALD AND BROTHERS AND WEBBY AND JUST BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS AND ACK.

AND GOSH WAS THE DONALD DEWEY HUG JUST SO GOOD AS WELL AS THE DOGPILE LITERALLY GIVE ME ALL THE HUGS, I WANT THEM ALL THIS IS SUCH A WHOLE GOOD EPISODE!!! All in all, 10/10 Was very good. Could I have loved more of just about EVERYTHING? yes, but I can make my own content if I need to fulfill my wishes. Overall, there was nothing that disappointed me, which was so good. I wasn’t let down by the interpretations of the characters, the morals, or how the storyline went. Could we have made it into a 45-minute episode and just like, extended every conversation? Yes. But plot? Solid. Characters? Solid. Relations? Super solid. Did Sol cry? She did and she will again cause she just loves these good characters so hecking much!!! Donald is my all time favorite Disney character on the planet and just the fact that he gets so much love and attention and just all the beautiful backstory and rick history is such a beautiful gift that just keeps on giving!

Also, FULL Disclosure, Im gonna continue part 3, 4 and 5 of my version of how I thought this episode was gonna go. Simply because, well, I liked it. And I think you all will like it to.

#long post #my thoughts #on this epside #ducktales #ducktales 2017 #ducktales spoilers #donald duck #della duck #dewey duck #guys holy shit

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xbarrjallenx · 7 years ago

Text

Jealous

Pairing: Mike Wheeler x Reader

Request: “Omfg can i request a part 3 for "Chaising Pavements"?!?! Ahh part 2 was so amazing, im so sad and my heart broke into a million pieces! 😊😊❤ “

“please please please do a part 3 for chasing pavements/jessies girl!!! its so good oh my gosh”

“PART THREE FOR JESSIES GIRL PLZ OR SMTH LIKE THAT IT WAS SO GR8″

“OH MYGOD PLEASE PLEASE DO A PART THREE FOR CHASIG PAVEMENTS/JESSIE’S GIRL! I CANT STAND THE SUSPENSION! OMGGG IT WAS SO GOOD”

“3rd part please.... pleeeeeeease?????”

Summary: (Y/N) and Dustin sought for Nancy’s help to understand Mike’s actions, but he got worse and some important things slipped through his mouth.

Word count: 1.779

Posted: 25th of November 2017

A/N: OMG! Here’s the 3rd part of Charing Pavements and Jessie’s Girl, finally! I thank each one of you for the kind comments, I can’t believe that I got too many positive comments and you seriously made my day, motivating me even more on writing. Thank you so much.

I thought of ending it with part 3, but some of you requested some more Dustin Henderson x reader scenes and I had to make Mike jealous. I just love imagining him dying of jealousy. Anyway, if you want, I voluntarily will write part 4, probably the last part, so let me know. Thank you.

I hope you like it and enjoy! Comments are appreciated and welcomed.

- G. x

Links: Chasing Pavements (Part 1); Jessie’s Girl (Part 2); Can’t Fight This Feeling (Part 4)

Few days has passed since the Snow Ball, but you still couldn’t take Mike’s death and sorrowful glare off your head. You couldn’t understand why he would be grumpy and irked. He couldn’t be jealous, could he? And if ever, why would he? Mostly, when Eleven has already came back.

“Dustin, are you sure of this?” You asked him for the millionth time and you thanked him for being patient with you. You were so anxious and afraid of what might happen next, mostly when Mike could discover everything what you and Dustin were doing.

The group has planned to do another endless campaign of Dungeons and Dragons, but Will and Dustin decided not to as Eleven and Max kept on interrupting the game by asking explanations for every move that the party would make. Everyone in the group, except you and Dustin, offered a hand to teach the mechanics of the game to the girls. You, obviously, had a better thing to do with Dustin.

“Of course, (Y/N).” He nodded nonchalantly, lowering his voice so the boys wouldn’t hear your conversation. After all, they were still convinced that you were already in a relationship with Dustin. “Nancy knows how to make people feel better, maybe she knows why Mike is acting weird too.” You both stopped in front of Nancy’s bedroom door, slowly building your courage up before knocking.

“Dustin, Mike barely talked to us, you must be kidding if you think that he talked to his sister.” You rolled your eyes as Dustin took a deep breath.

You were both devastated as your best friend suddenly stopped talking to you, also because you didn’t do something bad to hurt him or make him angry. He has greeted you, but he was so cold and detached. Mike has never treated you in that way, he never did. He has always wanted to make you feel better, to see you with your widest smile on your face.

“You’re prettier when you smile, (Y/N).” He stated as he tucked your (Y/H/C) hair behind your ear. You flutter closed your eyes in happiness, feeling his lips on your forehead.

“Nancy?” Dustin knocked, gently shouting Nancy’s name to have her attention. Your eyes grew wide as you shook your thoughts off your head and you were about to run away, but Dustin grabbed your hand and squeezed it tightly. “You are hurting, (Y/N), but let me help you. You can still conquer the boy of your dreams, okay?” He whispered in your ear, softening your gaze.

“Hey Dusty, (Y/N)!” She cheerfully greeted, pulling you both in a tight hug. Dustin quickly let go of your hand as he didn’t want for Nancy to tease him with you. That boy has got a crush on the young lady standing in front of you. “What’s up?”

“Uhh,” You nervously blurted out and Dustin smiled at you to encourage you. “I need some help.”

“Oh,” She warmly smiled. “advices on dating Dusty?” She winked at Dustin, but he just rolled his eyes. You shook your head and she quickly knitted her eyebrows together. “But the rumours had it and I thought that you are together.”

“We’ll explain it to you.” Dustin seriously stated. Nancy nodded and she invited you to enter her room, shutting and locking the door nonchalantly.

“So, what is everything about?” Nancy curiously asked, sitting on her study desk. Dustin invited you to sit beside him on the edge of Nancy’s double bed. You followed him as you roamed your eyes around the room, catching some interesting photographs and posters on the wall.

“We aren’t together.” Dustin explained, emphasizing his words. “The people thought that we are, because we hugged in the middle of the gym during the ball.”

“Oh,” Nancy sang as she got Dustin’s point. “so, what is your problem? How can I help you with it?”

“The problem is Mike Wheeler, your asshole brother.” Dustin blurted out. He rolled his eyes at the thought of his best friend. He was a little bitter, because he suddenly stopped talking to him, giving him death glares as he tried to make you, his closest best friend, feel better. He did nothing bad nor awful, on the contrary!

“What did Mike do?” Nancy asked as she let her legs hang from the desk, swaying them as she listened to you.

“I love him.” You shyly blurted out, feeling the heat on your cheeks. Dustin widely smiled, showing his beloved pearls, and teased you cheekily. You shook your head in disbelief and you rolled your eyes, because you couldn’t stand the embarrassment of the situation.

“Oh my God,” Nancy enthusiastically cheered, making you bounce on the bed in shock. You corrugated your forehead as you couldn’t understand if it was a compliment or not, so you sat there: puzzled. “Jonathan owes me and Steve twenty bucks.”

“What? You’re betting on me?” Your mouth opened agape and you elbowed your best friend as he kept on giggling under his breath.

“I’m sorry, but we can’t help but do it. I can totally see in your eyes that you liked Mike.” She nodded, defending the fact that the teen adults made some bet on you and Mike. You shrugged your shoulders as Eleven came into your mind, sighing as the pain penetrated your already shattered heart.

“He likes Eleven.” Dustin murmured, almost silently. Nancy’s smile suddenly fell back as she heard his brother’s secret. “But the thing that I don’t understand is why did he just stop on talking to me or (Y/N). I did nothing but dance with her during the ball.”

“Hmm,” She brought the back of her hand under her chin to think and she sighed since she couldn’t think of the right answer. “have you talked to him?”

“No, he is detached and it seemed like he kept on pushing me away.” You honestly answered. You bit your lower lip, trying to halt your tears from glossing your eyes. “And, if ever, I don’t know what to tell him.”

“Oh,” She nodded, leaving the desk and stood in front of you instead. “I think that the guy is jealous. I know that you are his closest best friend, sometimes he would share to the family your moments together, sometimes your problems too. He would always be proud of himself whenever he would make you feel good. Maybe he’s just jealous and afraid that he might lose you.”

“I don’t know, Nancy.” You were perplexed and you gave her a confused look. “Sometimes, I just want to tell him that I love him, even though I know that it isn’t requited. Maybe I would feel better if I let everything out.” You vented, Dustin was just listening at your statements. Sometimes he would look at you, sometimes he would look at Nancy to understand the situation.

“You’d like to let everything out?” Nancy sadly smiled, thinking of a way how to help you. You stare at her while waiting for her answer, you watched her walk back and forth, trying her best to think of something. “Aha, I got it!” She happily exclaimed.

“What is it?” You raised an eyebrow as you carefully listened to Nancy.

“You pretend that Dustin is Mike and you tell him everything, as in everything.” She convincingly said in a lower tone. You glanced at Dustin and he smiled at you in response. “You’re going to practice and, whenever you’re ready, you talk to Mike. Is that okay?”

“Okay.” You shortly answered. You unleashed a long and heavy sigh, readying yourself. It wasn’t the same to have Dustin in front of you, of course, but maybe he could help you to make things easier.

“Whenever you’re ready.” Nancy encouraged you as if she was a director of some sort of film.

“Dustin,” You started, turning towards Dustin’s direction. You imagined having Mike in front of you, even though you pronounced Dustin’s name. You thought that calling Dustin by his best friend’s name was disrespectful. “I-I like you, no! I-I love you! It has been years since I started loving you, but I never had the courage to confess my feelings for you. I don’t know, maybe because I thought that we were just best friends or something like that and best friends don’t usually love each other, I mean in a romantic way.” Dustin nodded to encourage you to go on with your speech. He didn’t know that you stopped because you heard some footsteps outside the room.

“Just go on!” Dustin gently ordered with a smile. He was really willing to help you, also because he didn’t want to see you hurting anymore.

You nodded and took a long breath. “I didn’t even know what love was, but then El has arrived and my-“

You suddenly stopped when you heard a loud bang outside of Nancy’s room, jumping a little bit on the bed. Your eyes grew wide, afraid that someone has heard your confession.

“What the hell, Mike?” Nancy twisted her door knob, went out of the room and forcefully opened Mike’s room. You and Dustin looked at each other and followed Nancy, slowly walking, almost tip-toeing. “What’s your problem?”

You peaked through his doorway and your heart dropped as you saw his tears slowly streaming down his face. Dustin looked at you and you looked at Dustin, you were both puzzled, confused.

“Fuck off, Nancy!” He pushed her sister away, wiping his tears furiously.

“Mike!” You restrained him from pushing people away and treating them in a rude way. He wasn’t the Mike that you used to know and you kept on saying that you knew him well, but you didn’t even know why he was acting up in that way.

“(Y/N), just go away, okay? You do nothing but give me heartbreak and misery!” He fearlessly spat the words as if they were venom in his mouth. Your tears found their way through your eyes and your chest tightened, his words weighing in your chest. Dustin quickly hugged you, rubbing your back as you sobbed against his neck, knowing how hurt you were.

“What the hell, Mike?” Dustin defended you as he yelled at his friend. “Stop being a dick!”

Mike noisily sobbed and hardly sniffed, letting his hot tears to wet his red cheeks. “You know what, (Y/N)? It’s hard for me to say this, but,” He paused, terribly trembling as he took all of his courage out. He didn’t mind Dustin, but the scene of Dustin hugging you broke his heart even more, wishing that it was him. “I love you and I’m jealous of the way you’re happy without me!”

#mike wheeler x reader #mike wheeler imagine #mike wheeler #finn wolfhard x reader #Dustin Henderson x reader #Dustin Henderson imagines #dustin henderson #gaten matarazzo x reader #will byers x reader #lucas Sinclair x reader #eleven x reader #max hargrove x reader #Nancy wheeler x reader #steve harrington x reader #xbarrjallenx #Jonathan byers x reader #masterlist

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ao3-writer · 7 years ago

Text

✓ Read 10:58pm

[I wrote this while listening to Adele’s ‘Love in the Dark’ and Gwen Stefani’s ‘Used to Love You’..]

When Tyler had his first breakup, it was something he expected. His girlfriend said she didn’t think they’d go anywhere and they were better off as friends. Tyler agreed for the most part.

The second and third times were on his part. He felt it wasn’t fair to always be distracted by sports and school and never give them any real attention.

Tyler swore he’d give himself some time to grow and love himself before finding someone else. So that he could truly be in a good place to experience a good relationship.

Yet, even though he felt better and happier with himself, he didn’t understand where this breakup came from.

“I can’t do it anymore!” Ethan shouted, out of the blue. Tyler was confused by this, he was in the middle of talking about his day when Ethan just burst.

“I-i’m so tired of the secrets and keeping it hidden and i’m just so sick of it!”

Tyler’s smile dropped and he walked closer to hug him, only to be shrugged off.

“I get it. I do. I’ve been wanting to tell everyone else too but I thought... I thought you wanted to wait for--”

“Tyler i-it’s not that. It isn’t! I could care less if everyone else in the world knew! I just.” Ethan stopped for a minute and took a breath, closing his eyes as his hands shook next to his head. “Tyler, I don’t love you anymore.”

This breakup hit Tyler. It made the light in his eyes dull into a dim glow. It made his heart ache. His soul shake in confusion. He wasn’t angry. He wasn’t sad. He was... confused.

“W-what?”

“I love somebody else. She’s a good girl and I love her much more than I love you. SO much. Tyler you’re an amazing person, you are. But we just don’t connect as much as I connect with her.”

This was only the beginning of what became Tyler’s downfall. In the mere days it took for Ethan to pack his things and move to an apartment, Tyler took time to reflect and promise himself to not spiral out of control. Yet, when the second that the door closed and Ethan was officially gone, Tyler only had one thought left in his mind:

Come back.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

“Tyler? Are you okay?” Mark had asked one morning.

The love of my life is sitting right across the room pretending like he isn’t the reason I drank down an unbelievable amount of Fireball last night. Of course, i’m not fine.

“Yeah.” Tyler croaked as he sat up correctly instead of leaning against his desk.

“Alright. Just let me know if you want the day off.”

“Yeah, that’d be great.” Tyler replied.

He’s been at home since then. Laying on the couch and trying not to puke. His head throbbed and he felt like shit. He looked around his living room to see that it really was a god awful mess. Just like me, he thought to himself.

After three naps and one of the fastest sprints he’s ever done to the bathroom, Tyler figured he could get his shit together for at least a while. He began to start picking up all the trash he had left littered across the entire house. Did they even make that many tissues in the world?

Once Tyler felt like the rugs were clean enough to look presentable, he heard a knock at the door and he tripped over one of many trash bags to get to it. Opening the door ruined his suddenly careless mood.

“Mark asked me to come check on you. He was worried.” Ethan said, looking at his feet before looking back up at Tyler. “I was worried.”

“I’m fine,” Tyler bit out, “you don’t need to check on me.” Tyler was about to close the door when Ethan held it open.

“Look, you can’t keep calling me and leaving drunk messages. It’s getting out of hand Tyler. Do you know what’d happen if-”

“If your whore found out?” Tyler finished. Ethan looked up at Tyler, offended by the statement.

“She’s not my whore. She’s my girlfriend, Tyler.”

“Does she not realize...?” Tyler asked, looking at Ethan before Tyler started to chuckle. But there was no happiness behind it. It was utter disbelief. Seeing Ethan’s glare made him laugh harder. “Oh my gosh, does she not know that you take dick. My dick, to be exact?”

A sharp blow to Tyler’s jaw left him speechless. Ethan looked furious as he looked at Tyler. Even though it was obvious who was taller, Ethan looked like he could tower over the other male.

“No. She does not know. She does not need to know.” Ethan hissed, “it was all just a phase. I was lonely.”

“Damn right you were lonely. Ooh, the ways I could make you scream.” Tyler taunted before Ethan hit him again, even harder. Tyler tasted blood in his mouth.

“It wasn’t real, Tyler. I was just playing you dumb. I never loved you. Who could love a man like you? You’re such a nice guy and your ‘smile always’ bullshit. All you want is validation,” Ethan snapped.

“Get out of my house,” Tyler growled, now looking down at Ethan. Ethan spit in his face. Tyler lifted Ethan by his throat and carried him outside, tossing him onto the pavement next to the grass. Ethan yelped, grabbing his hip. “Don’t you ever come back here again.”

Ethan scrambled onto his feet and walked to his car. He slammed the door and turned on the engine. “Faggot!” He shouted as he drove off.

Later that night, Tyler drank more. Mark found him passed out in his bathtub with four empty bottles of liquor littering the ground.

---------------------------------------------------

Things got worse after that. Tyler never went to the office. Ethan claimed he fell slammed his throat onto a piece of furniture to account for the bruises on his neck and hip. Mark and Amy went over to Tyler’s often to check up on him. Once, they found a chair right underneath the fan and a badly tied rope outside Tyler’s door where he wept.

His drinking was deadly. Amy had asked Kathryn to help her find and pour out every bottle with even 1% alcohol on its label.

Tyler disappeared at one point. No one knew where he went. Mark ended up having to drive all the way to Las Vegas to find out he went to the casinos, spent half his money and still ended up in jail.

Kathryn obliged to live with Tyler to make sure he wouldn’t do anything ridiculous. Ethan’s girlfriend was actually obsessed with Mark and he had been oblivious the entire time before he found she had tried to drug Mark. They broke up, leaving Ethan cheated on and hurt.

Nobody discussed with Ethan what went on with Tyler. Ethan knew it was because they found out they were dating.

“How come Tyler never comes around anymore? I haven’t seen him in forever,” Ethan attempts to ask, letting out a chuckle to try and convince them it’s a harmless question.

Everyone looked at each other, having a conversation with their eyes to decide whether or not to tell Ethan.

“He’s just busy. He got a new job.” Mark decided to lie. Ethan nodded his head, confused by this.

“He got a boyfriend too.” Amy added, Kathryn staring at her wide-eyed. “Yeah, it took Tyler some balls to come out to us.” Amy said, hiding her bitterness in her words.

Ethan went back to editing. He felt... confused? Was he happy for Tyler? no. He was... dare he say it? Jealous?

--------------------------------------------------------------

Just like every night for the past month and a half, Kathryn added another another tally to the chart listing the amount of days Tyler’s been clean. Clean from drinking and abusing himself.

“51 days, Ty, i’m proud of you,” Kathryn said as Tyler smiled back at her. “Alright, i’m headed to bed. Night.”

“Night.” Tyler replied, finishing the dishes he was washing. Tyler went to his own room, what used to be Ethan’s, and laid down on his bed to scroll through his social media feeds. Tyler had felt more comfortable helping the team from home rather having to go to the office and... see him.

Speak of the devil, Tyler received another text. This was the seventh one that week. The twelfth ever since they broke up.

It read a simple ‘Hey’. Tyler ignored it, leaving it on his notification bar as he went to get ready for bed. After brushing his teeth and washing his face, Tyler checked his phone again to see two more messages.

I haven’t seen you in a while.

Want to hang? :)

What should he say? What could he say? Tyler didn’t know. He wanted to pour in his emotions, his hatred, his agony, his sadness, his honesty. But he did nothing. His thumb hovered over the letter’s Y and E. Tyler closed his phone and laid his head against the pillow. He looked up at the ceiling and tried to concentrate on positive thoughts.

His fingers itched for a bottle of Scotch.

Another buzz and a ring. Ethan sent a third message.

C’mon man. :/ I want to apologize. I want to make up for

Tyler stared at the message. It ended with that. Without thinking, he replied.

For?

Another buzz.

for what I did. Four months ago. Cmon, dont make me say it.

Tyler wanted to play ‘dumb’. He replied with:

What did you do?

there were three little dots in the bubble for a while before it expanded.

For breaking up with you.. for literally tearing you apart. My ‘girlfriend’ was just obsessed with Mark. She never loved me. And.. I did love you. I was just angry, Tyler. I was just. I hated the fact that I had to leave you just because I saw something in her. I really did love you Tyler. I still do. Im sorry.

Tyler read and re-read what Ethan sent. He did love him. But the bitterness inside Tyler grew. It grew whenever he drank. Whenever he swam in his own tears. The alcohol was the water that fed the seed inside him. Tyler fought back the bitterness. But it remained. Tyler closed his phone. He figured tomorrow would be a perfect day to go back to work. Not to see Ethan. But for Ethan to see him.

Ethan was left on ‘Read’ a little before 11.

#tythan #this was sad #breakup #shiittt this was dark #wowie #ethan/nestor #tyler/scheid

23 notes · View notes

khunvegas · 8 years ago

Text

Saphael Fanfic Rec!

Here are the works I’ve been saving throughout last year since the show first aired and up until this point. Amazing works that show this wonderful pairing and each characterization. All the love to the authors!

As usual, I couldn’t find some authors’ user names. So, if someone knows the user and tag them, that would be very appreciated

87. Careful is my middle name by tveckling

"And where exactly do you think you're going?"

Raphael's voice came from behind him. Simon hoped his twitching hadn't been too noticeable and turned around with a bright smile that he hoped wasn't too fake. "Just going out."

A Holiday Encounter by @demiromanticmickey

Admittedly, Simon volunteered to help Raphael to try to talk to him, get to know him better. Unfortunately, that wasn't working out so well. It turned out that managing a food drive was a lot harder than Simon had anticipated. And whenever he did try to engage Raphael, he was met with short one word responses before ordering Simon with another task.

A Word Between Two Friends by ofEmeraldStars

“You love him.” It wasn’t a question and Magnus’ voice almost sounded awed by what he said, what he realized, when he looked at his friend at his side whose head snapped to look at him, no longer watching his fledgling.

Answer me (please) by all_their_intricacies

To Simon <3 (3:02 AM): i love you

To Simon <3 (3:03 AM): so fucking much

Appreciation of art by @fangtasticsaphael

He managed to sit on the bench for at least ten minutes before his phone was in his hand and he started browsing Twitter for anything entertaining before updating his account with a Clary abandoned me in the art museum once again message with a sad emoji before he decided to take a silly selfie for Instagram to kill some more time. Just when he took the photo and the camera sound went off - of course, he forgot to mute his damn phone when he went into the museum, fuck - a shadow fell on his form.

Baby, I'm not made of stone by izzyasavestheday (stilessexual)

“Did I ever tell you that we feel everything? The clan, I mean. If I focus enough, I can tell you who’s sad and who’s angry and who hasn’t been sleeping properly. I can tell you who’s been having nightmares. There are no secrets here.”

(Fix-it fic)

Baby's First Steps by Luuna (you_know_them_trees)

Simon wasn't flustered, he really wasn't. And Raphael checking up on him all the time wasn't a big deal. It wasn't like he had a crush or something.

It might have been true... if only Raphael stopped calling him baby.

Before I ever met you by izzyasavestheday (stilessexual)

“You know that moment,” he said “when you wake up and turn over to put your arms around someone –someone you love, someone who means everything to you.” Magnus’ expressive eyes were soft, soft, soft. “Oh, Simon.” “I feel so alone,” Simon whispered. “Not in the post-Clary sort of way, either. In the way that I’m supposed to wake up to someone and they’re not there.” “I’m missing something,” Simon went on, voice cracking. “I’m missing someone but no matter how hard I try I just can’t fucking remember.”

Bitter Sweet by @abluelightinthedark

“I… I’m sorry. You just looked like the typ of person who drinks their coffee black.“ Simon stutters and rubs his neck, trying to hide the shaking of his hands. “What do you want then?“

The guy actually smirks at him and lets his eyes wander over Simon for a moment, before he answers.

“What I want from you would be really inappropriate to say out loud in here…“ he trails of for a moment, letting the words sink in and then smirks even wider when Simon flushes bright red in the matter of seconds. “But for the coffee, I would like a caramel macchiato.“

The one where everybody thinks that Simon has a sweet tooth and Raphael loves the bitter stuff, but it's actually vise versa.

Bleed out in my veins by @eversall

How do you stop loving someone? How do you separate your world from theirs, when you’ve been on a collision course since you were six and sharing crayons, your smiles so intertwined that death doesn’t separate you? How do you say goodbye? You don’t, Simon thinks dizzily, dropping to his knees in front of Raphael. You say hello to someone else.

Breathing Is A Side Effect Of Being Alive by booksandanime

When you're alive, your heart beats, your breath catches and comes in gasps, you age and fall in love and die.

When you're undead, your heart pantomimes beating, you gasp for air that isn't needed, you never age, you fall in love, you stay together if you decide to.

This is a story of how Simon Lewis let go of normalcy and thoughts of being a monster in favor of falling in love with Raphael Santiago. (It's not a bad trade, really.)

Brooklyn, brooklyn, take me in by psyches

Honestly, no matter which way you put it, telling anyone you live in a hotel is pretty fucking weird, and it’s not like Raphael has the excuse of a twin brother or a singer mother who works there or the wacky hijinks that ensue.

Or: a brief look at Raphael in a world where Shadowhunters no longer need to exist.

Call me, maybe? by @fangtasticsaphael

"You're not planning on giving him a plain black shirt for a few hundred bucks, right?" Raphael asked when his best friend was about to enter one of the fancier clothing stores the mall had to offer and the other raised an eyebrow at him.

"I'm not planning on buying him a black shirt at all."

"All he ever wears is black. The most colourful your boy gets is wearing grey," he commented dryly and his lips curled into a smirk when Magnus huffed, unable to disagree because Alec really didn't wear any other colours. If black and grey could even be considered a colour.

"Well, that's why I brought you because you always wear clothes as dark as your soul and might actually be helpful in this case," Magnus replied sweetly and glanced at the store before looking back at his shorter friend questioningly.

Candy Kisses by @abluelightinthedark

Three times Raphael doesn't enjoy Simon's kisses + the one time he craves more

Coffee & Spanish by ofEmeraldStars

Simon's eyes land on his good looking guy at the table next to him and when he and his table partner start talking in Spanish Simon find this as the perfect opportunity to test out his Spanish knowledge.

Cookin' up love by @moonlightmaia

“Simon! Dios mío, what the hell?” Simon dropped the fire extinguisher, a sheepish look on his face. The stove behind him covered in smoke and fire extinguisher gas. “Uh, I was just, uh, trying to make dinner?” Sure, Simon wasn’t a great cook, but he certainly wouldn’t consider himself a horrible cook, Raphael’s kitchen was just… very different from what Simon was used to using. Raphael was a professional and so was his kitchen.

Devotion’s desire. by @saphaeldaily

a character study of raphael santiago and how nothing goes the way he wants.

side of simon/raphael.

Disasters that lead to pretty boys (are worth it) by gayinsight

"My friend is out of town and I’m supposed to be taking care of her pet fish but it died and you work at the pet store help me find one that looks the same so she won’t notice!"

Don't just leave it all up to chance by @accordingtomel

“Shut up, Jace,” Izzy commands, glaring at him before turning her attention back to Simon. “Okay, so you know how Clary and I are in charge of the Senior Prom Fundraiser?”

“Oh yeah, sure?”

“And you know how we told you we had everything totally covered?” Clary adds.

Simon glances over at Jace in confusion, but Jace just shrugs.

“Well, we kind of need some help now,” Izzy says.

“What kind of help?” Simon asks slowly.

Magnus snorts like he can’t help himself, which means that he must know what's going on too.

Silence falls over the table for a moment too long before Clary finally comes out with it. “We need you to take a shift at the kissing booth.”

***

Simon gets roped into working at a kissing booth. The consequences, however, are much better than he could've ever expected.

Fight Me On That by @themadtilde

"Well, someone must tell you the straight fact that Gandfalf beats that old wimp Dumbledore so hard that Dumbledore wouldn't even have a chance if they were to duel."

Simon's anger, that slowly had stopped boiling, quickly flamed up again.

"Oh yeah?" he hissed heatedly, slamming his cup down on the table and standing up to be eye-to-eye with Raphael. "Well, fight me on that!"

And then, before Simon could really comprehend what he just had said, he was lying on the floor with Raphael hovering over him, and he felt a throbbing pain in his skull.

(inspired by the tumblr post one day im gonna say "fight me!" and someone's just gonna fuckin deck me

Fire and Gasoline by @degrassi-fanatic

“Those two are like fire and gasoline.”

That’s what everyone said about them.Raphael Santiago was a fire and, Simon Lewis was the gasoline that only further fueled the other. ---- “I’m in love with you.” he came out as barely a whisper.If Simon didn’t have vampire enhanced hearing, he might’ve not heard that.

Forever isn't too long, when i'm right where i belong by moriartyscupoftea

Raphael sat on the living room chair, the cup of tea Magnus had practically forced on him balanced on his knee, while Magnus himself was slouched on the sofa, laughing. "You," he wheezed in between hysterical fits of giggles, "are going to propose? ToSimon?" Raphael pursed his lips, praying for strength from anyone.

Gazing into your eyes, I know I'm home by ofEmeraldStars

Simon didn't expect for Raphael to corner him in the abandoned building, but yet there he was pinning him on the spot with his intense gaze.

How to make your local clan leader blush by scalira

Simon realizes vampires are capable of blushing after he sees Raphael getting flustered, and after that it becomes his mission to get Raphael to blush again.

I dont understand Quidditch (or Love) by @slytherinsimon

Simon Lewis is a Hufflepuff that seriously needs to pay more attention around him. Especially the part where he thinks that his best friend, Hufflepuff seeker Clary Fairchild is secretly dating his Slytherin chaser crush, Raphael Santiago.

I Hope So Too by @bathildahotshot

Simon's not in love with Raphael.

I know what you are (say it) bisexual by thankyouforexisting

Simon tells himself,

It’s not gay, it’s not gay, I’m totally not checking him out, he just had that stain on his right trouser leg….

Raphael is, apparently, a rich as fuck vampire, because the suit shop they go in is fancy as hell. They park in the basement, because, uh, sunlight, and even though dusk has fallen it’s better to be safe than sorry (sorry meaning dead). Raphael keeps smirking, which does nothing to help Simon’s inner mantra that consists of

I’m straight, I’m straight holy fuck is he licking his lip- I’m straight..

“This,” the vampire announces as they walk into the shop, smiling faintly, looking, almost for the first time since Simon’s met him, as if he’s relaxed, “is the greatest place in the world, Simon Lewis.”

He looks at him then, grinning, eyes dark, shining, looking more polished than ever but somehow oddly vulnerable, and Simon’s breath hitches, his insides turning to goo.

His mantra becomes

Let me not jump him, or, at least, not in public..

I Watch It All From A Far (heaven help me) by @geckette

Clary took a sip from her coffee before putting it back down, her face slipping from confused to serious. “Simon. Are you serious? You didn’t know?”

Simon sputtered, his fancy pastry that cost him a pretty penny of 5.78$ flying everywhere from his mouth. Of course, the one time he decides to spend money it gets wasted. “Clary. Oh my god. Clary, I’m dating Raphael."

Based Off This Prompt: Saphael, College roommates AU who find that they have been totally boyfriends for months and hadn´t even realized. Brownie points for cuddling!

If i ever had your number, i think i would use it by @eversall

“Er.” Simon says, but that seems to be enough. “Simon?” Raphael asks. “The one and only.” He says weakly, making jazz hands even though he knows Raphael can’t see them. “Heyyy, Raphael.” “You – why is your number in the Pandemonium bathroom?” . It starts because Jace and Simon get drunk together one night without Clary, and since Clary serves as about eighty-five percent of their impulse control they’re hammered within two hours and ready to implement all of their Very Bad Ideas, the ones that are horrifying enough to make Alec grind his teeth and potentially slap them upside the head.

If you wanna find love then you know where the city is by @eversall

Simon comes back to them immediately. He’s pounding on the door the next night, and Raphael stiffens as he smells the scent of the fledgling. “I’ll go get him.” Lily says, and runs off, her face harsh with anger. She appears a second later, hauling the boy by his collar. His face is ashen with fear – Simon is no good at hiding his feelings. What was it he’s said before? He was born afraid? And his eyes are dark and beautiful, just like always, and Raphael wants to shake him until he understands what heartbreak feels like. . Of course Simon comes back, and of course Raphael is still unbearably in love with him.

In all that's left of you and me by igniteyourbones

how the saphael reunion really went down.

“You look awful.”

“Thank you, Raphael, really. This is truly the touching reunion I had imagined for us,” Simon says, ignoring the fact that he’d imagined several possibilities but all of them had ended in Raphael ripping him to pieces.

It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time by heartsdesire456

Simon ends up in the ER after a drunken dare and meets the potential love of his life.

It's a small crime and I've got no excuse by mostlikelydefinentlymad

Raphael's other half is sat across from a beautiful girl with auburn curls and a copy of Jane Eyre on the table.

He's gesturing at a gray box and giving away a smile that once belonged to mid-afternoons spent tracing the contours of Simon's body, laughter seeping into the halls of the hotel.

Kindred by White_Marker

Once, hidden in the dark and uncharacteristically intimate for both of them, Raphael had mimicked Simon’s movement in bed, inch by inch, like a game. Simon burst out laughing, pulling an outlandish face, and gripped Raphael’s chin. Raphael reached out and pinched his chin in return.

They lifted each other’s faces, moving it left and right, leaned in and pressed their foreheads together. They let go and traced a finger slowly from their collarbone to their belly button.

Like a challenge, they held each other’s eyes, all traces of humor gone.

For a little while, Simon and Raphael felt as if they were mirrors of some kind. Opposite, but the same.

Soon after, though Simon hadn’t made the connection, the first flicker of blue had appeared.

a.k.a.

Soulmate AU where you slowly start seeing color. Let the angst begin!

Like a halo in reverse by @gilmarverdes

The feeling began to become home. More of a home than vampirism would ever be. He'd stand alone, attempt God, and feel the pain. This is how it is, this is what I deserve, this is what I have become. I am this now. I will always be this. I deserve to hurt—

Until the day that God finally left his lips and remained in his throat, no choking, no burning. Just Raphael and God, severed.

Simon, on the other hand...

"Raphael," he whispers, "I'm so sorry. I thought—"

Raphael feels a twist in his stomach. It is a feeling that he hasn't experienced in a very long time. He needs to lead the clan, he needs to give them justice, but he's alone with Simon, most secure room in the Hotel DuMort like a past life, and all that he can feel is want, hunger, need. There is no room for justice in human want. It's sick. Raphael is very, very sick; this is the only explanation for the humanness, the only explanation for the twists.

"Do it again," Raphael says, his entire being turning into a betrayal right against Simon's body. "I need you."

Livin' just to find emotion by @joanthangroff

When Simon has to transfer to another school - the DuMort Academy -, the only thing that could save him from going mad would be to join the school's Glee club. Of course, life is not as easy as it could be, and he is denied to join just yet. He somehow manages to persuade the club's leader, Raphael, to prepare him so he can join in the next semester.

Mail for Ezekiel by @fangtasticsaphael

"Hey, buddy," Simon greeted the animal and reached out, gently scratching behind the dog's ear. Ezekiel tilted his head, playfully nudging the man's lower arm and stared up at him in clear anticipation. He huffed out a soft laugh and reached into the pocket of his light jacket, presenting the dog with a thin postcard with the message "Mail for Ezekiel" with two hearts scrawled next to it and beneath it he had written "have a dog-tastic day". Ezekiel seemed pleased as usual and ran off with his delivery while the off-duty-postman turned around to leave.

Master of pillow forts by @fangtasticsaphael

"What do you think you're doing, idiota?" Raphael asked wearily and frowned at the other's surprised yelp, followed by a pained sound when Simon dropped the heavy book right on his sock-clad foot. He quickly picked the book up again before directing his wide-eyed gaze at the clan leader who stared back at him with the most unimpressed expression possible.

"You're back already?"

"Obviously." Raphael's expression was a mix of disinterest and boredom but his gaze swept over the things strewn across the room in a silent order to answer his question instead of stating the obvious.

Never just that simple by @fangtasticsaphael

"It's not fake concern. I...I know I've been preoccupied with my own problems and that I didn't...that I didn't think much of the consequences or of...of the position you're in," Simon mumbled sheepishly, hands pushed into the pockets of his hoodie and head lowered while trying to keep up with Raphael's quick steps. It was actually pretty difficult to stick close to the clan leader despite the vampire speed because Simon still wasn't fully used to it and he could more quickly but not as smoothly and effortlessly looking as Raphael.

"The position you put me in," Raphael bit out, correcting Simon's statement with a bitterness that seemed to cut right through the slightly foggy air.

Not Actually Homophobic by @mymalecshinesbright

Raphael was extremely confused. Extremely. He didn’t understand this. He had never felt this before, and yet here he was, feeling it and he didn’t know where it was coming from. But it was here and now he had to deal with the fact that he was apparently homophobic because the sight of seeing his roommate kissing another boy made him want to vomit.

Not Like I Care by ChangeForTheBetter

Simon gets sexiled and seeks refuge in Raphael's room. (Again.)

But maybe Raphael doesn't mind so much.

Of all of the faces, you were the one next to me by mostlikelydefinentlymad

//if I love you // is that a fact // or a weapon

Of Sleep Deprivation And First Kisses (Or, How Tea Solves Problems) by PossiblyNobody

“You’re my roommate who’s super cute and it’s the middle of the night and you’re cramming for your exams in your flannel pajamas and disheveled hair and it’s becoming increasingly hard for me not to kiss you” AU.

Saphael Tumblr Prompt

On the List of Things (Read: People) Simon Thought He’d Never Do by @rainybookshop

Obviously Simon had missed the memo about his sexual orientation, but he can’t help thinking there might have been smarter ways to find out than by letting himself be seduced by someone who sort of scares the shit out of him.

One cup of coffee (is all it takes to fall in love) by @abluelightinthedark

Simon walks into the Starbucks in only a thin shirt, because he’s an idiot and forgot to take his jacket with him in the middle of november, and opens his mouth to greet his friends, but they are not there. Instead there’s another dude standing behind the counter, his green apron doing nothing to hide his beautiful body and sadly neither his grumpy expression.

Paved paradise by @simonxraph

Not only has Raphael stolen his parking spot and infiltrated his friend group, now he knows that Simon thinks he’s attractive.

Please Daddy by TrickyVicky3

Simon wilts under the pressure, but needing to have the last word he replies sarcastically, “Sure thing Dad”.

Raphael’s eyes widen “What did you just call me?” Simon looks up at him, placing the now empty glass back on the table in front of him as he licks fresh blood off his lips, “Dad, y’know, Daddy, cos like you’re making me –“

Raphael waves his hands in front of Simon “Please stop” he looks around uncomfortably before speeding away.

Professor knows it all! by @shadowhunterships

I saw a prompt on tumblr : I usually talk to my friends through sign language in class but… apparently you know sign language too… and now you know I think your butt is cute.Simon secretly loves Professor Raphael's butt and accidentally spills his secret to the professor himself!

Rhododendrons by @gilmarverdes

Part of him was hoping that he would never have to see Simon again; you rip the bandage off fast so it's less painful, you stitch up the wound quick so it's less painful, you let it heal slowly. These things take time.

But - who was he kidding, he's going to be entwined with Simon until the end of time, it seems. Quite literally.

Set me free by @fangtasticsaphael

His dark hair stuck against his forehead in wet, messy curls and every annoyed huff showed in form of a little white cloud leaving his lips and disappearing into the sky. He was a supernatural being but it was obviously too much to ask for some kind of immunity against the temperatures. Sure, he had to appear human but that didn't mean he basically had to be human.

"Just find the target, make the guy fall in love with the girl and the freezing is over," Raphael mumbled to himself through chattering teeth and pushed his hands deeper into the pockets of his hoody. At least he couldn't get sick but this didn't make the weather any more comfortable. His whole body seemed to be slowed down and stinging from the cold, icy wind pulling at the material of his jeans and the hoody he wore over his t-shirt, his boots kicking up snow with every step.

Shattered hearts by @fangtasticsaphael

"You can't say it back. Why haven't you said so earlier? All the other times I said it? I thought you just weren't ready yet but if you already know you can't love me, why not say it outright instead of leading me on?!" Raphael tried to hide the pain and anger swirling in his chest, masking his emotions with a cold mask.

Magnus had warned him, told him it was a bad choice to start something with Simon because the guy had almost managed to two-time and even if he had been 16 at the time, he still seemed so very undecided when it came to his love life. He clearly couldn't make up his mind about what he wanted, not back then and not now. Raphael had known it was a risk and he had to fight down the urge to place the blame on himself - to revert back to the thinking that maybe him being asexual and aromantic was the reason why Simon couldn't commit to this.

The one person he developed romantic feelings for, the one person he actually fell in love with, and here they were, apparently about to break up on Valentine's Day. It felt like a big, cosmic joke and Raphael suddenly felt so damn tired.

Shelter by @fangtasticsaphael

"I know you're about to close but maybe I could get a coffee?" Simon asked and his voice almost broke on a few words. He squinted a little because of the beads of water on his glasses that probably blurred his sight but Raphael could see that his dark eyes were mostly unfocused behind the smudged spectacles.

"You look like you rather need some tea and a bed," he commented dryly and rounded the counter to walk up to the door, flip the sign and then the lock as well. Raphael didn't care that they were supposed to be open for 20 more minutes. Nobody came in at this hour anyway and Simon's current state was a more pressing matter anyway.

"So, that's a no? You do realise I can't leave when you lock the door, though, right?"

Simon was fidgeting and raised his arm to hide a cough in the crook of his elbow, the sound muffled by the wet material of the hoodie he was wearing - not exactly the right choice of clothing for October if you asked Raphael.

Sign of the times by @joanthangroff

When Raphael is hit by a mysterious spell, Simon has to teach him how to be human.

Simon la Exploradora by RaphaelSantiago

Five Spanish words Simon learnt from watching Dora the Explorer, and the times he said them to Raphael.

Strange crossings. by @sadlyamundane

The universe works in strange ways, maybe that's why Magnus cancelled dinner with Raphael, maybe that's why Simon's blind date doesn't go as planned.

What ever it was, this was definitely the universe crossing their paths.

Sweetheart by @fangtasticsaphael

"It's Valentine's Day, someone probably just wanted to lighten the mood," Lily commented with a shrug and it might have been a slightly weird thing to do so with almost insulting messages on pastel coloured candy hearts but most clan members did think they were funny and a few had actually started a competition about who could find the most hearts - and the ones with the best messages.

"There's one with lol no balanced on top of the picture frame in the main hall. I have no idea how they even got it up there," Elliott informed them while strolling into the room and he stopped behind the couch, right next to Simon's shoulder who tilted his head back and blinked up at the other vampire frowning at him.

"You have one stuck in your hood," the other informed him and before Simon could react he had already snatched it up, eyebrows rising when his eyes read the message on the piece of candy.

Te Extraño (I Miss You) by andy_ros3

To Clary: I don’t think I can do this Clary. Is this even a good idea?? From Clary: Simon you have to do this. For yourself. Don’t worry, no matter what happens I’m here for you. To Clary: You’re right, thanks Clary. Omg we just pulled up outside the club. From Clary: Go inside and stop freaking out. To Clary: I’m not freaking out To Clary: I know your eyebrows are raised. Okay, yes, I’m freaking out. I miss him and I want him and I don’t know why he invited me here. It’s been 3months and 16 days Clary. Why now? Why would he wait so long to contact me for whatever reason? Why was I such an idiot? Oh god what if it’s just to return something I left at his or what if he tells me he’s met someone new and he’s moved on. From Clary: Simon stop. Stop overthinking this and go inside. Simon is about to text back to delay entering PanDEMONium but Clary beats him to it. She knows him too well. From Clary: You’re going to be fine, just go. Simon enters PanDEMONium expecting it to be the usual vibrant, enthralled and booming place but it’s empty apart from a grand black piano where Raphael sits playing a few notes. Simon knows he does that when he’s nervous.

Tendons too torn to beg (for you to let me back in) by @gilmarverdes

What hurts the most, the thing that makes him really ache, is how familiar he is with Simon. He knows the way that Simon smells; sickly, because every fledgling smells sickly, but with Simon it’s all different. Simon smells like – life, like something sick coming back to life. Like hope crawling out of its grave.

He knows the way that Simon sounds; the unnecessary breaths, the way that his voice mumbles when he talks because he still hasn’t gotten used to his fangs, the wrong thing in his mouth, and the way that he taps his fingers, the exact sound that he makes when he wakes up in the morning. A yawn like a wolf’s howl.

But worst of all, he knows the way that Simon feels.

The Game of Life by raphaelsontiago

“Why is school so damn expensive?” He grumbled, putting his money back in the bank.

“Maybe it’s because you have six cars full of kids, mi sol?” Raphael smirked and Simon wanted to throw the board across the room.

“It’s not my fault I got stuck with such a big family!” He protested. Raphael chuckled quietly and bit his lip.

“You know, a big family wouldn’t be all bad. Six cars of kids would be a bit of a hassle, but I think four or five kids would be nice.” Raphael’s gaze dropped to the floor and Simon nearly choked.

Raphael was asking to have a family with him.

or, the one where simon and raphael play life but they spend more time talking than playing the game

The Morning After by simonsantiago

Simon sits up and stares at Raphael’s back. “Are we…uh…dating now?”

“No,” Raphael says and Simon’s stomach sinks. “I don't date people who don’t let me sleep.”

The Path To Self-Discovery by @killjoyrow

Simon is the kind of bright, happy guy who needs everyone to be frends with him. Raphael would prefer to have no friends and save himself the headache.

In theory, they're far better off as distant colleagues - the contrast between them akin to day and night.

In reality, despite claiming to hate each other, the two couldn't be more perfect. It might just take them a little while to realise it.

The Punishment Fits The Crime by Hailhydration

When daylighter Raphael Santiago is forced to kill a rogue Warlock, the warlock's deranged lover curses him to never have a happy ending. Whoever falls in love with the vampire is destined to die if they touch him. To Raphael, who has long viewed himself as unlovable, this seemed like nothing. Of course, he didn't count on the persistent idiot known as Simon Lewis.

The Thing Is by foggynelson

The thing is: Raphael doesn’t want to love Simon. The thing is: he does anyway.

There is in it, the idea of the fall by scalira

“Angels touched by man cannot stay divine, Raphael. I thought I was very clear on that matter.”

And Raphael knows. He knows. But when he thinks about letting Simon touch him, about his lips pressing down on his, about his fingers tracing his skin, Raphael does not feel doomed. He does not feel tainted.

He feels infinite. He feels bigger than himself.

He feels… he feels human.

This is not what I dreamt it would be by @flying-on-the-wind

Raphael Santiago had always known that his soulmate would not be anything like what his mother had dreamt for him. Simon Lewis, on the other hand, had always dreamt of a soulmate that was nothing like what he got. But are dreams all that important? When real life is a thing that happens, and that you get to actually live?

This is the second part of a series in which soulmates are found upon the touch of skin. Each part will have a different pairing at it's centre, though all three are linked and together they form a fuller story.

Through Hell or High Water by @shadowcastershq

When Clary drags Simon to his local pool, he’s immediately smitten with the gorgeous but completely unapproachable lifeguard.

Till the sun comes up by @aleclwb

Simon takes a deep breath. “71.”

Clary gapes at him. “71?”

“Yes,” Simon snaps, “Yes, Clary, my number is 71. It’s right there,” he waves her wrist around, a little too aggressively, so it’s actually impossible to read. “The seven and the one. 71. My soulmate’s going to be 71 when we meet.”

Or, everyone has a number on their wrist that indicates how old their soulmate will be when they meet. Simon is trying to deal with the fact that his is abnormally high. It turns out not to be such a bad thing, after all.

Turnabout is Fair Play by @accordingtomel

“Uh, Raph?”

Raphael glances over at Simon with raised brows, using a finger to hold the place in the book he’s reading and shifting his attention towards him.

“Is there a reason that Magnus is sending you pictures of him and Alec kissing?”

Simon turns the phone around to show Raphael said picture.

“I think the better question is why you’re reading my text messages in the first place,” Raphael says, and reaches his free hand out, gesturing for the phone.

***

In an attempt to annoy Raphael, Magnus starts sending increasingly adorable pictures of him and Alec kissing. However, it's Simon who comes up with the perfect solution to get him back.

Until We Say "I Do" by heartsdesire456

When they had become engaged, it had been like a switch had flipped with their mothers. They were still very happy for them and they both were waiting with open arms to welcome the other into the family. No, the problem was not dislike.

The problem was that for some reason, the minute a ring came into the picture, both Raphael’s mother and Simon’s mother somehow immediately and independently became obsessed with their son’s future husband converting to their religion.

Upheaval by crystalclark94

Simon, well, he has the most unusual / off the beaten path twist of words etched across his ribs that he’s ever heard of. The font is an elegant black crawl with perfectly dainty pretty loops and swirls, and it says “Dios, I’m going to eat you if you don’t shut up!”

Variation on the word (sleep) by mostlikelydefinentlymad

"You can stare at me later you complete sap, come'ere." Simon pats the bed, awaiting the slight dip of the mattress. Raphael remains where he is, adoring.

Simon grumbles into his pillow about romantic vampires and kicking Raphael out to sleep on the sofa if he doesn't get his ass in bed.

Warmth & Light by foggynelson

“I’m cute, huh?”

“Oh shut up,” Simon says, lifting his heading up and looking at Raphael. “You’re absolutely gorgeous and you fucking know it.”

Wear my heart a little louder by @eversall

Raphael sucks in a sharp, unnecessary breath, eyes snapping up to meet Simon’s gaze, and he sounds, for the first time, the way Simon feels; like he’s coming apart at the seams with no hope of being pulled back together. Simon looks away, wants to backtrack and erase his temporary moment of weakness, because he’s not allowed to have that. . It always comes back to this - Simon trying to run away but being rooted to the spot by everything that lies between them.

When “You mean nothing“ turns into “You mean everything“ by @abluelightinthedark

There are two ways someone can whisper into your ear with their lips against your neck.

For one, it can be sweet, gentle, soft, hot, pleasant. A warmth, the feeling of being loved, someone taking care of you, kisses, relationships, compliments.

And then there are the times it’s threatening. A knife against your throat, death so close in front of you, fear. You feel scared, uncomfortable, want to cry. Screaming, kicking, then staying still, shaking, hurting, hoping, praying.

Simon unfortunately had to experience both ways in his rather short period of living.

The thing is, it was the same person every time.

Where my heart and future lies by scalira

Raphael hasn't been home for the holidays in years. Still being haunted by a tragedy that happened years ago, he isn't planning on visiting this year either. Until he gets a very persuasive email from a very angry man named Simon Lewis.

Where There is Fire by CastingMoonlight

Raphael is patient when Simon spirals into despair.

Because Raphael knows, and now Simon knows, and Fairchild will never understand what she did to him in the name of love.

Words of the prophets are written on the subway walls by @joanthangroff

After a fight with his current roommate Raphael Santiago is left with moving in with his old friend Magnus Bane. Naturally, this means lots of headaches for him and weird people stepping into his life.

You were always gold to me by mostlikelydefinentlymad

They take away the good in Raphael and reduce him to teeth like talons, a heart of stone. They don't even have to say the words when his name comes up - "He's a monster."

No, Simon wants to say. You've never witnessed him stripped bare, armor lying at his feet with a softness in his eyes that makes Simon want to turn away. But they were present when the high walls around his heart became a weapon. They heard the words "Kill them" and glossed over what wasn't being said - 'Of all the people, why did it have to be you? I wanted you to stay.' Nor did they hear the full extent of Simon's betrayal, how it cut straight into tendons where it bled the most - 'Is it too late to go back?'

They cannot see the gold in him.

You’re an asshole, Mr Santiago! by @fangtasticsaphael

He heard the sound again and it made his hair stand on end because the creaky wood noise sounded like someone walking very slowly, dragging their feet with every step and it was like right out of a horror movie. Simon suppressed the ridiculous urge to go knock on the door to his mother’s and sister’s room but he also felt like these sounds were far from normal and what if ghosts were real after all?! It was the middle of the night, he was still tired and his brain did not function properly - he was allowed to think stupid shit!

Simon couldn’t tell why it seemed like a good idea to snatch up his key and leave his room but that was exactly what he did. Not to investigate the creepy sounds, he knew how such things turned out and he didn’t have a death wish, but to get further away from the noises. The dimmed lights in the hallway made the old hotel look even eerier and a few steps away from his door he severely regretted the decision to leave his room. He turned around to head back, saw a dark silhouette at the other end of the hallway that definitely moved and…he bolted. No.fucking.way!

You're in the right place by ghostfacers

Simon Lewis is an average high school teacher just trying to make sure the future generation gets there. He never asked to get his room moved next to the one guy in the whole school who probably hates him the most. That's all Luke's fault.

You're the one that I want by @sadlyamundane

“Hypothetically” Simon said pushing his Spanish text book away, he leaned back in his hair and watched as Raphael chewed on the bottom of his pen in concentration. “Hypothetically” Raphael repeated, propping his head up on his hand to show that he was listening. “If I liked someone, but I don’t” Simon hastily said when Raphael quirked an eyebrow “but if I did and I wanted to know if that person likes me back, what do I do?”

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