#im actually very emotional rn | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

toasterpiastris · 11 months ago

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GO DANNY! Oscar and lando did so well too and idc about red bull using mediums bc we are SO back!

#oscar piastri #daniel ricciardo #lando norris #f1 #im so proud it’s not even funny #im actually very emotional rn #😃

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beebundt · 1 year ago

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thinking a little too much abt durge/orin sibling relationship rn. 🩸ft. my durge (briar, they/them)

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starfilledsky2810 · 30 days ago

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damn I yap a lot

tldr; im alive, sadly im still on hiatus, other stuff is fine now I just have new [physical] problems, you'll know when I'm fully back (give it another couple months) and comfortable, I'm in a [technically well-over] 3-month long ongoing depressive episode [not tryna do trauma olympics or make anyone feel bad btw it's all chill]

so sorry if I've left you hanging [with art or smth], I'll get to it in time, I promise [I may have unwillingly forgotten, likely not but there's a chance]

Hey, I'm alive, I have been for the.. almost 6 months I've been gone. Holy shit, I didn't even realise that it's been that long. I figured I should at least say something in case anyone is worried or wondering even though everything isn't solved yet, so, here. [under the read more so it's not flooding or anything]

Also, I figure I should apologise for venting on main and just leaving it up - this is all going to stay up because I need to keep it somewhere to aid with my memory issues - but, still, must've been a little weird

Absolutely not a good time to say all this [for me bc I haven't thought this message through] but I'm kinda half-back, just on hiatus from socials due to declining physical health. Really badly declining, I need help honestly

Originally, as you know, I was gone because I had a really bad fall out with my mother, but things pertaining to that have been solved now [except me not feeling 100% safe and trusting to my mother, that will never change. She's tried hard, I just wish I could find her reliable emotionally as well]. It's just that, since then, basically, all these physical problems that I don't understand have been royally fucking me up and messing with my mental too. It's messed with everything I love. I don't know what to do anymore.

Oh wait, where I was actually going with this, so

OK nvm I forgot but you'll see me around bc I've been talking to certain people trying to pretend like nothing's happened and I've made the kinda-silly decision to not fully come off hiatus or talk to other certain people before I'm okay again.

#so the post is for the practical stuff n the tags r for emotional btw [or at least I tried to do that]#[yeah just except the para starting with “originally” I'll keep that there despite being unnecessary]#-#genuinely. im so scared. im so scared all the time [most of the time not scared of anything in particular - I mean the physical problems #fuck me up by making me scared and sad and tired most of the time for no reason]#I have no energy and it's all up and down and even though I actually feel okay rn [not good but okay] after literally breaking down an hour #ago I still know this shouldn't be happening #nobody is going to believe me if I say I have high-functioning depression. who do I tell. well they will believe me but how would it help #and I'm so scared to tell anyone for no reason. I'm not scared mentally rn but no matter whether or not Im ok the emotion stops me from #taking action if that makes sense.#--#I don't understand what I did to deserve this why is this happening to me #why are these internal problems out of my control happening to me #I don't understand and it truly deeply scares me #---#I meant to out this at the start of the tags but fuck it I'm too far in and on mobile to go all the way back now #thank you if you read this far. truly thank you because I need someone to talk to and my irl's are not an option for all different reasons #if I reach out to you about smth random please talk to me as if I'm still not half-gone.#feel free to message me whenever about wtv despite the “hiatus” I need it #... if you have read this far for whatever reason please text me that my Rui loves me my brain is trying to guilt me and say he doesn't #[that just happens when I'm in a certain state even tho that's when I need Rui the most selfship mutuals u get it pls help me out]#he. he does love me right? I swear he does I just. can't seem to believe it right now #I shouldn't have pushed all that to the bottom when it was directly telling my mutuals what I need lol #I feel a little hopeless sometimes. that's not like me I'll be alright in the end. no not that. I'll be better than alright I can fix this #I can fix this. I just need help. god I need help.#at the very least I'll be alright

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dogboner · 8 months ago

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personal growth is crazy because it seems like nothing has changed until you're crying because you don't want to die. you learn something about yourself that ten years ago would have actually killed you, and now you're thinking about what you can do to heal and make peace with it. nothing may have changed to you, but to the person you were however long ago, you are the "it gets better"

#guy who's very proud of how well he's handling things rn lol #anyways personal time:#but idk man i kinda remembered smthn from my past n #like. if it wasn't for how much effort i've put into my mental health n coping skills #n my support network now #idk id be in a much worse place.#so i'm gonna forgive myself for not really sleeping last night #n having a hard time with my bpd feelings n emotions #because fuck man! i'm doin really good actually!#growth doesn't have to be oh man i'm never ever sad anymore #it's just. idk i don't cry because i Wanna die anymore #sometimes i have an intrusive thought of suicide #and it makes me cry because i DONT wanna die. and i know those thoughts are not good or needed #but i'm not gonna beat myself up for having them. i'm just gonna be patient n gentle w myself #n give myself time #n everything will be okay(:#bc it is okay! it's in the past and i'm safe now. and i wanna make other people feel safe too #growth starts w baby steps. n that's why it's so hard to recognize in yourself a lot of the time #it goes slooooooowly. for me at least lol.#mine #despite everything i am happy because i know my life now is one i love (: and one im actively trying to better for myself

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dipplinduo · 3 months ago

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Since my laptop is broken and I'm currently under the process of obtaining another one while itching to write and release content, I'm gonna share vibe snippets of upcoming releases:

Sweet & Sour Dipplins Ch 23: Paldan Strait by Twenty Øne Piløts

Bet You'll Fall In Love With Me Ch 8: Song 6 on Sabrina Carpenter's album Short n' Sweet LOL

Okay bye!!!!! 😃

#I would like to use this opportunity to remind y'all of the rating of BYFILWM because I'm having mixed feelings about promoting it on Tumblr #we are keeping it within the rating though I'll gaurentee that 😅#both of these chapter releases are gonna be hella emotional and hella emotional rollercoasters though #please send me all the vibes for expedited shipping services #yes I did buy a whole ass new laptop with urgency so I could WRITEEEE~#anyways #catch me posting chaotically on here until then #my fics #im scared to tag more rn 💀💀💀 idk why #the way these very polarized tastes in music and aesthetics and vibes overall sum up my brain as a whole tho #plot twist: I am NOT duolingo I am actually sweet & sour 😂😂😂

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gunstellations · 1 year ago

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#should i or should i not tag this......fuck it #loveless #aoyagi ritsuka #i was listening to the ed and op and got very emotional....im nostalgic....#the anime definitely does Not hold up in this day and age BUT.#i somehow made it cringing through the first ep about the very obvious issue that i had NOT noticed as a teenager sjdjfjd #and you take it as it is and its quite charming. angst. drama. your staple yaoi. im kind of eating up the plot and how #unrealistic yet emotional it is i kind of just accepted it as it is #the only audience this is for is the people who watched loveless at age 13 and kinned ritsuka. i do NOT want to hear complaints in my house #my art #doodles #if you may #i might actually draw soubi too.....a little too early for me rn to fully appreciate him two eps into the rewatch....

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duckyfann9871 · 6 months ago

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was sobbing unceasingly (as one does) but then remembered I have mister uplifting as my mac's screensaver

#he rly is my comfort character rn huh #hes literally talking to a kid here and I'm like uwehuehuehue uwu #i swear i dont have parent issues I'm just rlu emotional fr #regardless tho #how could anyone stay upset with this face #okay maybe me bc im still sad but at least i finally stopped crying lol #also ik the screenshot is from like days ago but i never got around to posting abt it til now okay #love me that post-cry feeling #actually no i hate it #bc now tht there no tears i just feel numb??? which is both good and bad #regardless tho pls dw abt it moots bc im very dramatic and probably will be over my sadge by tmmrw #so heres some tags and good night <3 #psycho pass #psycho pass sinners of the system 1 #ginoza nobuchika #nobuchika ginoza #psycho pass ginoza #long hair men #long hair ginoza #long hair ginoza nobuchika #growing up chronicles

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moonstandardtime · 7 months ago

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i want to put link in isat. im sure hed do fine. the heros spirit endures

#my post #i was gonna say like. 'probably not the worst thing the heros spirit has endured.' but actually #man. idk. ppl like to say majoras mask is super dark. i think bc ur constantly faced with tragedy in a very direct way #zelda is usually slightly less in your face abt that stuff. mm crosses the line for that juust enough for it to be Particularly Notable #loz generally isnt afraid to address the Horrors. or at least acknowledge them #i dont mean this in a 'mm is darkest zelda' or whatever kind of way. (see jacob gellers video 'every zelda is the dsrkest zelda')#i mean it as like. mm is just louder about it #yknow. but is mm is speaking loudly then. if u put isat next to loz then it would drown mm out quite easily #in large part bc the story is just told differently #the characters are much more expressive in every way. bc the story is being told through expression #whereas loz tells stories specifically via player action #if that makes sense?#loz focuses on the journey. isat focuses on how the journey feels #not to mention links permanent 😶. which definitely influences this #honestly link as a general character (tho especially botw link) is very similar to siffrin. im not gonna try to put that into words rn but #maybe another time #anyways. if isat were told more like a zelda game i think it would be along mm and botw #i say those 2 specifically bc time loop and death and loss. lol #if the reverse were true. if loz ganes were told more like isat. then god dude i dunno #i might go through the plots of each and measure out how much i think the bitch(link) is Going Through It sometime #not rn. but sometime #initial gut thoughts tho. i think probably oot sksw la andd. possibly ww. wojld have similar emotional impact #sksw especially. have you seen his face when he sees zelda in the crystal thing. god #id say botw too but tbh. i kind of think its emotional impact is best as is.#it leaves itself a lot of room to breathe. you can rlly like. think abt it.#man these tags are off topic from the original post. eh its my post who care

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widevibratobitch · 9 months ago

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omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee

#and i still havent texted my friend back even tho she texted me a week ago and i told her ill text her back this week when i have the time #and i DO have the time. im just fucked in the head and the prospect of having a conversation with another person where i again #have to pretend im not at the very brink of a serious mental and emotional breakdown. is making me lose my fucking mind #ik she's having a bad time rn and she needs the reassurance and jesus fucking christ i tried i had two long conversations with her #that were allllll about her. only her. not a single word about me. that's fine. this is what people need in such moments right #to just get patted on the head and hugged and told their suffering is real and what happened to them is unfair and just made to feel #that for a moment they're the centre of attention and it is all about them. this is normal. this is why therapy exists.#so i try to give this to her but it is fucking draining. and i NEVER get the same treatment back. like she caught me crying at uni last week #and like yes she'll say some nice things but she'll always find a way to turn the conversation back on the topic of ✨her✨#like we started talking about my therapy and i finally got to actually say a word or two about what im dealing with. but then she goes #'yeah im just trying to figure out what's wrong with me when i listen to you haha like i could never cut myself cause it looks ugly.#ofc it doesnt look ugly on you haha but i could never lol'#like thanks haha good to know ill just shut up then and steer the conversation back onto you why dont i. i mean its not like #i spent over an hour a few days back sitting with you and listening to your talk about your childhood and validating you and not saying #a word a single fucking word about myself even tho i was also going through it myself but who cares right. and now im the bad guy again #because im not texting back.#i feel like im finally fucking snapping cause at this point im properly fucking angry. IM having a bad time too. IM going through it too.#I have bad coping skills and had a fucked up childhood and traumas in my life TOO and im allowed to just not be able to handle it #i really wanna break something lol maybe therapy's working after all lmao #oh also this is why i dont eat breakfast. i do it once and then feel guilty and suicidal lol normal behaviour #pojebie mnie zaraz przysięgam na boga mam dość kurwa BASTA

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im-still-watching-anime · 3 months ago

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…..i forgot to block bsd’s spoiler tags this month

#i swear to god #i SWEAR #the ONE time i forget #im begging the universe i didnt just fuck up this bad #that was NOT the spoiler i thought it was #im misinterpreting it #i did not just spoil something for myself that ive been waiting YEARS for #it DIDNT happen #everyone be quiet be quiettttt #there’s a chance okay a CHANCE it’s all just a misunderstanding okay i misunderstood #im gonna be surprised by EVRYTHING that happens this months chapter because i DIDNT see any spoilers okay #we’re all pretending that didn’t happen #ooooooohhhhhh im so mad i hate myself so bad rn #actually cried over this btw #im on my period + no sleep from lingering covid cough = VERY out of whack emotions rip #i am like a delicate little flower and superpower mafia comic spoilers will apparently irreparably emotionally destroy me #except they won’t because i didn’t SEE ANYTHING OKAY IT DIDNT HAPPENNNNN #AGGGHHHHHHHHH #insane that it’s not socially acceptable to wail in agony over minor dilemmas at 6 in the morning

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perilegs · 1 year ago

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ok i might need to force myself to not romance astarion bc i don't want to know what it says about me to turn down karlach, the woman of my dreams, the character made to cater me personally, like, if she was real i'd bring the moon and stars down for the chance to see her smile, she's everything i've hoped for in a rpg companion, what does it say about me if i turn that down for someone like astarion

#ngl karlach would be too good for me and i wouldnt deserve it #shed probably ask me stuff like 'what do you want?' upon which i would be paralyzed with fear my mind completely blank unable #to process why i can't answer a simple question #and she's so up front with her emotions which i absolutely adore but i could not reciprocate that #wait am i actually for real avoiding the karlach romance bc i feel like this fictional character from a video game is too good for me #a real human being. like. i think i would feel guilty about romancing her #which makes no sense bc i romance characters too good for anyone all of the time. but idk #in those cases ive always had like a strong character i play as who is very divorced from who i am #but playing as durge there is no past so idk who my tav is yet so all i can do is project so he feels very. personal #im v sleepy and also ive had brain fog all day so yea idk #i mean i do genuinely like astarion and his character but in his case i dont feel guilty bc i feel like i #i have no idea how to finish that sentence without it sounding like 'i can fix him'#bc i dont want to fix him i want to show him compassion and respect him and his boundaries so he'll be able to reclaim tje feeling of #being in control of his life #so he'll stop putting people down to feel like hes on a pedestal #like i get him and why he is like that but i just feel like being kind and caring towards him would feel so good #it wouldnt fix him and thats a good thing bc i dont want him to change who he is but i do think he needs support #also hes hot im so mad at myself for being so atteacted to him #we wouldnt b here if i didnt have a thing for voices #besides thag back to the main point of astarion its like. ugh! im so frustrated rn bc i dont have the words #to express my emotions toward him bc everything ive said lacks the nuance that im feelikg but idk how to put it in words #i guess i want to protect him? that such a terrible sentence and still not what om going for

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akechi-if-he-slayed · 3 months ago

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finally watched inside out 2. Where is goro akechi island .

#unfortunately i am pretty sure my head would have shuake and or ao3 island #ok but everything aside it was actually rlly good…like im a hs senior rn and i remember the anxieties of my freshman year and whatnot and #like…that’s literally how puberty is !!! i think i read somewhere they had a panel of teen girls they would consult during the production of #the film to make sure it was accurate and that was an very very smart decision imo #so emotional…so accurate…i felt so bad for riley at times omg. watch it NOW if u have not..#inside out 2 #goro akechi #persona 5

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illithiddies · 1 year ago

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absolutely insane to me that i managed to upload TWO fics in the last 10 days of the whole ass year and somehow managed to actually get a pretty good response to it!!

also shoutout to the 64k in my BG3 documents folder that I haven't even been able to post yet, but hopefully will in 2024!

#chewing on my keyboard rn actually dfkjghjk im like. about to go to a party in an hour and this made me wanna write SO bad #im so so. so so glad sw didn't completely kill my desire to write. im so glad bg3 helped me find that again #i havent responded to any of my fic comments yet but im very emotional about them kjdfghj ty guys for encouraging me to write again!!#questlog

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dandyshucks · 11 months ago

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i am not immune to putting blorbos in tanktops

#he is sooo.....#he unlocks smth very silly in me SBFHFJL i do not talk abt characters the way i talk abt him #well no actually shane s.dv unlocks that in me too #but suddenly im saying shit like ''soggy man... hang him up to dry ... make him into beef jerky...'' SBDHJDL HELP #i have to leave the house in half an hour to go to a walk-in group and im afraid fhfdjldkl #i will bring sketchbook w me bc thats my emotional support object fhkdls #trying to draw this guy rn to keep from panicking dhdhskl #dandy.cmd #doodlebug.png #🧡hello radio land!

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lesbianfrottage · 6 months ago

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Okay but I need to be someone's beloved wifepet and belong to them completely and be able to pour my whole energy into just loving them. When will it be my turn!

#it won't be honestly #I do not think I will ever actually get to have that #I'm not pretty and I'm disabled in ways that both physically and mentally make me unappealing #so no one really wants anything real with me #especially JUST with me #and I'm *scared* of hurting someone with my craziness tbh #and I only trust like. 3 people at all rn and for various reasons none of those people and I are going to date #and in most of those cases I'm very relieved and in the other there's mixed feelings but mostly positive bc again. i don't want to hurt any1 #but i still yearn for it #it's still an emotional need #and I hate that it just isn't ever going to be met #it actually hurts so so badly knowing it won't be met #but i also understand that some people just dont get that kind of happiness #some of us just don't get to be loved #some of us are too ugly and crippled and insane for people to *want* us #i just don't really... want to keep going knowing thay #I'll post it here in the tags bc no one i know reads this blog #(a few know about it but it's not like anyone ever checks it)#but I'm definitely ideating and at risk rn #and i feel pathetic that this is what's doing it #but im an emotionally gooey person and a physical touch person and I'd already been thinking relationships probably werent something i can #like. even do #but then there was a blowup with my ex and like. it was made clear that i can not safely engage with anyone #like emotionally or romantically or sexually #because I'll just hurt them.#like there are parts of me i would like to change but are such a core part of me that they will never change #and they will always hurt someone if we're together ling enough #so im just going to idk.#isolate now tbh #im just gonna cry so much and know i will NEVER have what i emotionally need out of life

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ame-to-ame · 6 months ago

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The heart wants toxic yuri and drunk calls and drunken confessions but the mind tells me to be a responsible adult living in the real world with a 9-5 😐

#why is this world so boring why can't i be an immortal witch who dies every night in the battlefield only to be cleaned up and resurrected #in secrecy from my gf who hates fighting but only to be found out to her horror and be cleaned and picked up by my gf every night #why can't healing magic exist in the form of girls kissing why can't i be puking flowers if im puking anyway #like healing and doing better is great but god is it boring lmao #i kinda miss how dramatic my first unofficial heartbreak was.. like that was bad for my health but very interesting for the plot #now instead i journal and play an instrument and don't talk to ppl abt how i feel and work a stable job and hang out with my friends #WHICH ARE NORMAL PEOPLE ACTIVITIES and i think it's good to be being a normal person rn but i haven't had a like. big dramatic cry yet.#i cried before the break up but i haven't really had a big sob or anything after it and part of me misses feeling the range of emotions #like i was angstier when i was 15 this experience has been so calm and muted it even surprises me i feel like i should feel more hurt abt it #alas i missed my best chance to like actually act heartbroken. like if i do anything now it's kinda gonna be more for the experience and bit #god it's the theatre kid in me lmao i just. i want to experience what it's like crying and calling drunk walking home in your friend's arms #but ig if ur w ur friends they wouldn't let u call ur ex? so ig walking home alone at night drunk and crying!#but that feels unsafe. so maybe just. drunk alone at home? but that also feels like a liability #what do u even say on the call? im drunk can u pick me up pls? 💀💀💀 i don't think that's gonna work.#ok god i need to stop thinking abt this lmao im gonna be tempted to do it for fun but aaa self control self control #think instead abt the independent project u have. and ur diagnostic score. and the fact that u already broke ur favorite shirt.#where do ppl get interesting lives. the older i get the more my life has settled down into some stable npc life which i do like. but still.#can't help but realize i live in a very different world than most ppl. my coworker constantly asks me how old i really am.

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