#im actually really happy i didnt ruin the surprise!

[cheeseandbretboy]

JOKER (2019) AND JOKER: FOLIE A DEUX (2024) SPOILERS !!!

still trying to sift through my thoughts but i liked joker 2. i dont get how the ratings are so bad?? were people expecting a romance???? a fun movie? i mean even i was surprised by the depressing end but im really glad it happened because thats what joker 2019 was about too. arthur was never the actual 'joker' we see in dc films, and we knew that. his whole story is tragic but a lot of people missed that in the first movie. the second speaks on that to humanise arthur (even though thats what they literally tried to do in the first one?? didnt work i guess) and shame those who use him as a symbol for misogyny and incel stuff. i think what most people are mad about is how hes not as 'villainy' as the other jokers BUT AGAIN he was never the true joker and im confused as to how people missed that !! personally i loved how it shows that even after he's secured himself the identity of joker he's still repeatedly exploited as he was before that, and he has to come to terms with it. harleys character was really surprising for me because usually she's the one being manipulated by joker- in this case it was the other way around. especially interesting was how joker was the one who sung 'bewitched' about harley (the original song is sung about a man, so they had to change he/him to she/her) and the scene of joker and harley's show where she continues singing 'to love somebody' without looking at him, instead basking in the attention the audience gives her. people were expecting a twisted sexy romance between them but instead we were given something really uncomfortable and unnerving- like that sex scene. her character also gives insight into parasocial relationships and how weird and dangerous they can get. she never really knew arthur- she knew joker. the film starts with us finally happy that he 'for once in his life, has someone who needs him' and ends with us absolutely distraught. in the first movie, he says stuff like 'you dont listen' and 'i never knew i existed' and STILL after becoming an infamous killer, getting a show about him, EVERYONE talking about him, he's still not seen. there are just so many things the film points out about its fanbase (incels, parasocial relationships, identity, the glamourisation/sexualisation of violence, columbiners, exploitation etc etc) and i guess people don't like that. they want capitalism=bad, 'men have it so bad', and mm gore! which is fair- i loved it too- but it doesnt hurt to delve into the identity of 'joker' (whatever that is) and how that influences its viewers. its quite meta i like it a lot. they didnt care that the ratings would be awful because they had to speak on what the first movie did to people

oh also the intertextuality is just amazing. the songs are great, like i mentioned before with changing the female and male roles with 'bewitched', and even though i absolutely hate musicals this really worked fo rme. i think it's because musicals often have songs smack bam in the middle of realistic scenes and the singing just ruins it for me- but in joker 2 they're more often a part of arthur's fantasies so it was actually better. i wasnt sure about the musical element at first but after rewatching joker for like the 1000th time i realised how much its intertwined in the first movie- we just never really paid attention to it. the end of 'gonna build a mountain' was amazing (you have to pay attention to the lyrics), 'the joker' was great, and the few instances of violence we see from arthur while hes singing is really entertaining i love it sm. i keep mentioning 'betwitched' but i love it. 'she is cold, i agree, she can laugh, and i love it' ahh. i loved the intertextuality with nolan's the dark knight. a lot of people hate it, but i think people should be more flexible with inspiration and interweaving similar but different stories into films. just because it follows a similar story doesnt mean that it should either perfectly fit the mould of nolan's batman, but neither does it mean they should abandon it altogether either. harvey dent really surprised me, and even though he was a pretty minor character i loved the few references to nolan's batman they give (like his gory face after the explosion at court being a possible villain origin story). most obvious is the end though, where arthur is gutted by that inmate who admires him. the use of the joke was amazing and i was really surprised by how he got stabbed. you can see in this moment that arthur has been relieved of his identity of 'joker' and can finally rest as himself, just a mentally ill guy with a history of tragic abuse. when lee and his fans betray him (the real life ones too hilariously) we realise no one truly saw or loved him, and he couldn't deal with that. so, the identity of joker was passed on to that inmate- "ah, what a fine young son to take my place"- while he cuts a glasgow smile into his face. in felt this was sort of missing from joker 2019, so im really glad they used ledger's joker as inspiration for this inmate.

there's a lot more to talk about, ESPECIALLY gary's reappearance which im so so glad about, it really fleshed out his character. when he walked up to the stand, you can see people whispering and laughing at him- arthur never made fun of him. it really helps to make people question what constitutes a bad person. sure, these people didn't kill 6 people, but how easy would it be for them just not to laugh? it showed arthur's empathy, and how uncomfortable he was with admitting to it when trying to paint himself as the joker. "you were the only one who was nice to me" was said by arthur in the first movie when he kills randal and gary says something similar to him during court.

anyways wow that was great people are mad the 2nd movie is as depressing as the first (if not more). at the end ofthe first, arthur has a whole revolution loving him, and we did the same. at the end of the second we realise we never truly knew him, but exploited his character.

[strawberryseeded]

thinking abt bllk (no surprise there) and how (at least until now) all (well, most of?) the characters backstories aka basically the reason for their most prominent issues are, instead of extremely tragic and complex events, simply children's logic applied to recurrent situations in their daily lives (and especially the sport they love):

bachira feels lonely: bachira was a weird and lonely kid who was also extremely passionate abt (and talented in) football, more than any other kid, making bachira feel isolated even when he was playing with others. this got even worse when the kids he played with started to resent him, calling him a "monster" and bullying him. while talking with his mom, she told him to keep believing in his inner voice and ignore those who dont understand him, resulting in bachira giving that voice the form of a "monster" that can play football with him to feel less lonely. which, obviously, made him even more lonely, even if it was an imaginary friend created to aliviate that feeling. because bachira still felt lonely, even after many years and even after playing with other people in school who werent any fun for him, he kept the monster by his side. believing no one could ever beat this monster (thank GODNESS he did 🎉!!! HE is the monster no one can beat!!!! his arc is one of my favs hes literally unstoppable now, i love him dude i love h)

isagi holds himself back too much: isagi (i read the light novel abt him hehe) was a timid and mild mannered kid until he discovered football, which he fell in love with. while playing the sport he could let go of his shyness and actually be selfish and go all out. uuuntil... he entered his high school's reputable football club, where the motto was to play as a team above everything else (a very anti-blue lock logic lol). isagi then, in an effort to accomodate to the social norms of the club (bc hes isagi, and off the field hes calmer and timider), had to simmer down in the field as well. supress himself. at times it seems like his on and off switch is kind of stuck.

barou has main character syndrome: barou was a very, on top of talented, meticulous kid and therefore the best in football out of every other kid he knew, who didnt take it as seriously and were more than happy to let him score all the goals. he didnt understand why they were satisfied with letting other people take all the glory, so he secluded himself, convinced that he was the only player that actually mattered on the field. the best. the Main Character. everyone else was completely worthless, their only use being to serve HIM. (until he got his ass kicked by isagi and became the villan instead of the main character, bc oh, shit, barou's not actually the main character???? then he'll hunt down & DESTROY the main character).

rin (god, rin) has a brother complex (i used to hate when ppl oversimplify whats wrong w him w this term but tbh it does boil down to this lol ToT): rin idolized his older brother like crazy and wanted to be just like him. bc he was also blessed with talent and also had a great relationship w sae, he had everything he needed to fulfill his dream of being the 2nd best striker, the 1st obviously being his older brother, who rin viewed as the best, most talented player in the world. when sae comes back from spain and tells him 'the world is big and im not actually the best, you go and be the best striker by yourself' (basically: our (your) dream is over), rin has a fucking breakdown. its not really a tragic, despair-inducing event, objectively speaking. but in the manga its framed as such bc for rin, in his childish logic, it is. bc his brother IS the BEST player, what the fuck do you mean hes not number 1 outside of japan?? ....then what about rin? if his brother cant be the best, rin cant be the 2nd best either, let alone the best. he feels like sae ruined everything, gave up, broke their (rin's) dream!!!! after sae humilliates him, rin directs all of his frustrations at him and bows to defeat him. as long as rin sees himself as sae's little brother, he's never gonna be able to surpass him, bc in rin's mind, sae is still the best, his talented big brother.

ness believes kaiser, not him, is the magician: ness's case is more serious bc his family was (is?) emotionally abusive towards him. basically, like every other kid, ness believed in magic. the concept of magic is exciting for children and gives them, in the form of play, the opportunity to express their creativity and exercise their imagination; work out a way to make the impossible come true. bc this is so important for their development, usually its the parents role to, at least to a certain degree, keep alive the belief that magic is real. ness's parents, on the contrary, shut down this belief bc it didnt match with their own views. they saw his interests as a waste of time, even letting his sibilings bully him and treat him badly to make him give up on them. ness, however, didnt, and instead found a more socially acceptable way to 'do magic' and express his creativity: football. he feared greatly, however, that football would be taken away from him, so in that faithful match in which he met kaiser he decided to put all of his trust and hard work on him, bc ness believed kaiser was the person who would be able to make the impossible, the magic that ness wanted to create, happen. i think the key to unlock his full potential is stop relying on kaiser so much and start believing in his own magic (kind of like what happened in hiori's arc). we have yet to know kaiser's backstory but i have a feeling those two enable each other's worst traits...

ETC !!!! sorry i got tired of writing lol

anyways these r just my interpretations of the characters feel free 2 b like "was is she ON about"

[muikitoo]

Can I request a muichiro x reader where muichiro is being really rude to the reader only because he likes them

~ Feelings ~

★muichiro tokito★

Flufffyy kindaa

Muichiro was currently at the butterfly estate, checking himself out after a surprisingly difficult mission. He was sitting on one of the beds, with a very puzzled and bothered expression. He knew he couldnt concentrate during the fight because he was thinking about you.

He knew it wasnt good, and he has been trying to be as rude as he possibly could to drive you away from him, but to no avail. He sat there in silence for a few moments when a familiar voice called out to him.

"Muichiro!" You yelled his name while running towards him. You were so happy to see him.

"Oh no" Thought Muichiro

"Im so glad to know youre okay! Are you hurt?" You said with a concerned tone.

"What do you want now?" He spat out harshly.

"Oh i just -" He suddenly cut you off "Are you stupid? Why are u trying so hard? I dont need a peasant like you wasting my time. Just get lost, you do nothing but annoy people with your presence. I dont need you, ill be surprised if ANYONE even needs someone as useless as you." His heart broke after seeing your smile drop and your eyes filling with tears. He wanted to apologize, to hold u and tell u he didnt mean it, to tell you how much you mean to him. But he couldn't bring himself to do so.

You suddenly snapped "What is wrong with you?! I did nothing but try and be nice to you because i actually wanted to be your friend! I admired you and you treat me like this?!" You were so sick of this, you were sick of him. You felt so stupid and so used.

His eyes went wide. "If you want me to get lost so badly, then be it. I won't bother you anymore." With those final words, you left and ran. As far as you could to get away from him.

Guilt quickly washed over Muichiro. He didn't know why he was acting like this, he had no good reason to. He watched until you were out of his sight and knew he needed to make things right.

You sat behind a tree, curled up into a ball and sobbed. You were confused, why was he like that? Why was he always so rude to you? After a while of sobbing you felt a hand tap you shoulder.

"Hey uhm.. can I sit with you?" Muichiro said and you just nodded. You sat in silence when he spoke up again "I just wanted to say i.. im sorry Y/n. I never meant anything i said. I was rude to you because.. i uhm... I really like you. But i thought that i wasn't worthy enough so i tried to be as awful as possible hoping it would drive you away."

He was looking down, hair covering his face while you were just staring at him with flushed cheeks. The boy looked at you with a sincere, genuine expression as he reached out to cup your cheek with one hand and caressed it with his thumb. You felt him leaning in closer as your lips met his in a soft kiss.

A few moments later you broke the kiss and just looked at eachother.

"i love you Y/n." He gave you a soft smile.

"I love you too Muichiro, I always have." You looked into his eyes with a love-filled expression.

You were so happy, not even words can explain it. This was such a blissful moment and you knew nothing could ruin it.

Hey im sorry if this isnt how you expected your request to be like, if it didnt reach your expectations then im really sorry ༎ຶ⁠‿⁠༎ຶ

i hope i didnt mess this up, but otherwise i really enjoyed writing this! Thank you for requesting

[moonferry]

what's that?? oh yeah, its fsioy chapter 5 babeyyy!!!

OMG HEY. this is it. this is the scene ive been daydreaming about for WEEKS and we finally got to it. im so happy. shoutout to the 3 people who've consistently read this story. u guys are so swag and cool and epic. i hope you enjoy this little soft chapter because shit is about to hit the fan. teehee. also wow this one is so long i didnt realize that while writing. Oops

chapter summary: jodi responds to kent's confession and expresses her own feelings. kent does some deep thinking (tm) and asks jodi a hard question.

word count: 2345 (wow)

warnings: none that i can think of? mentions of time/limited time/time running out tho

ao3 linkie -> here

other chapters: chapter masterlist

“What?” Jodi asked, her eyes widening in a mixture of surprise and horror. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Surely Kent was joking. How could he be in love with her? They had only known each other for a few months and - according to her mother - it took years to love someone. There had to be a reasonable explanation for Kent’s crazy outburst, right? He couldn’t actually be in love with her, could he? 

“I think I’m in love with you,” Kent repeated, anxiously scanning Jodi’s face. He noted her expression and grimaced. So much for making it less awkward. He noticed Jodi seemed to be deep in thought and moved to defend himself, “I know it’s sudden. I just… had to tell you. Sorry.” Kent glanced down at his hands and felt a massive wave of shame wash over him. Why did he say anything? He had likely just ruined the best friendship he ever had. This was supposed to be a fun week, but he had made it into a disaster. It seems like that was all he was able to do late - cause disasters to happen. 

“Kent, don’t apologize,” Jodi replied, her lips forming into a small line as she bent down to his eye level. She rested her hand on his shoulder and waited for him to look up. When Kent met her eyes, Jodi thought he looked like a sort of… dejected puppy. She gave a small sigh before explaining herself, “I didn’t mean to react that way. I was just surprised, that’s all.” 

“So.. you don’t hate me?” Kent asked, some worry still present on his face. He fidgeted with his hands once again before mumbling, “For, you know, making things awkward..” 

“Hate you?” Jodi asked with a small laugh. She shook her head and a wide smile spread across her lips. She glanced at Kent, giving him her familiar “you can’t be serious” look before adding, “I could never hate you.” 

Kent raised an eyebrow - full of skepticism. Maybe Jodi was stranger than he thought. How could she not hate him? He’s done nothing but surround this girl with chaos since the moment they met. Kent made more of a fool of himself around Jodi than anyone - maybe it was because he tried so hard to impress her only for it to completely blow up in his face. “Really?” Kent asked, absolutely dumbfounded. 

“Yeah,” Jodi confirmed. She hesitated a moment, thinking to herself. Kent noticed a small patch of pink had found itself onto the curves of her cheek and was even more confused. “I.. I actually think you’re super cool,” She started moving her hand to tuck a stray strand of her hair behind her ear - something else, Kent noticed, that she did when she was nervous - before adding, “I like you, too. There’s something different about you, you know? You don’t try hard to impress me, like everyone else. You just act like yourself and that’s something I appreciate. It’s… actually kind of attractive.” 

Kent smiled at Jodi’s response, appearing calm and collected on the outside, but on the inside his brain was screaming. He couldn’t believe it. He spent hours worrying about this conversation and never expected it to turn out this way. For a moment, Kent was incredibly giddy and even forgot what awaited him in two days time. 

Only for a moment, though. The memory soon flooded back into Kent’s mind and a small frown spread across his cheeks. Sure, he finally expressed how he felt, but it would all mean nothing. He found himself once again wanting something there never seemed to be enough of: time. If only he had more time, he could take Jodi on a proper date or find a way to avoid this whole military debacle entirely. But, like always, Kent didn’t have enough time. He never seemed to these days: not enough time with his father, not enough time with Jodi, not enough time to live, to laugh, to love. He had never hated the word “time” more in his life. 

“What’s wrong?” Jodi asked, watching as Kent’s smile was replaced with the small frown. Her eyebrows knit together in concern. Had she said something wrong? Did Kent not want her to return his affection? She was just starting to understand it herself, so maybe she should have waited until she knew, for certain? 

“Just thinking,” Kent replied, moving to pull his knees toward his chest and wrap his forearms around his kneecaps. “About the next two days, I mean,” He clarified before adding, “I just wish there was more time, you know?”

“Yeah,” Jodi replied with a small nod. She moved her hand from Kent’s shoulder before resting it on top of the back of his hand, gently lacing their fingers together. “Me too,” She spoke, giving his hand a light squeeze. 

Kent glanced down when he felt the small pressure on his hand and felt his cheeks warm up. He felt a small smile creep back onto his lips before turning to look at Jodi with an embarrassed expression. “You’re holding my hand,” He spoke, motioning to their intertwined fingers with his free hand. 

“I know,” Jodi spoke, giving him a playful smile in return. She noticed the dark pink of Kent’s cheeks and raised an eyebrow, intending to tease him some more. “I can stop if it’s making you ‘too embarrassed’,” She teased, slowly removing her small hand off of Kent’s much larger one. 

Kent shook his head. Instead of letting Jodi remove her hand, he simply flipped his palm over and properly laced their hands together. The two smiled at each other and Jodi leaned her body against Kent’s, resting her head on his shoulder. 

They stayed like this for a while, simply leaning against each other. Unfortunately, the wind started to pick up and Jodi shivered - despite knowing the nights got cold in this part of the city, Jodi had forgotten her cardigan as she rushed out of her home. Kent frowned. 

“You’re freezing, Jo,” He spoke. “Take my jacket,” he offered, immediately shucking off his jacket (well, it was his father’s, really, but he always wore it) and draping it over her shoulders.

“I can’t do that,” Jodi protested, a small frown forming on her own lips as she noticed Kent was wearing a loose-fitting, short-sleeved t-shirt beneath the jacket. That must be even colder than her dress. “You’ll get cold,” She spoke as she tried to push the jacket back into his arms, but she was met with a shake of Kent’s head. 

Kent thought for a moment before laying back against the blanket. He patted the spot next to him and motioned for Jodi to lay back down. “Here, we can share it, see?” Kent explained as he draped the fabric over the two of them - content with this compromise. 

Jodi eyed him skeptically but laid down next to him anyway. She wouldn’t admit it, but she was secretly grateful Kent had offered his jacket in the first place. The jacket was definitely not big enough to cover two people fully, but they didn’t seem to care. 

However, the jacket seemed to barely provide enough warmth to keep them from shivering beneath the fabric. Jodi hesitated for a moment before scooting even closer to Kent. If you asked her reasoning, she would give some excuse about how it’s warmer than being far apart, but it was clear what her true reasoning was. Her reasoning became even more evident as she rested her head onto Kent’s shoulder. 

Kent’s eyes widened at the sudden pressure against his shoulder. He felt another wave of blush move across his face when Jodi shifted her body and propped herself up onto her side. She absentmindedly laid her arm across Kent’s chest and returned to looking at the sky. Kent had a momentary panic inside his head and his heart started beating much faster. Eventually, he calmed down and felt himself relax into her presence. He carefully draped his arm over Jodi’s upper back and shoulders. Kent then moved his free hand, slowly reaching towards Jodi’s extended arm before lacing their fingers together and gently rubbing his thumb across the back of her hand. 

Kent felt that familiar feeling again: like time had stopped and nothing else in the world existed. He could almost get used to this: the peace, the comfort of Jodi’s presence, the weight of her against his chest. For once in his life, he felt nice and warm - safe, in a weird way, despite what loomed over him. He felt as if he could take on anything. His anxieties still remained, but they always seemed to quiet whenever he was around Jodi. It was nice. Unfortunately, it was also bittersweet: the world allowed him this week full of amazing memories only to take it away and laugh in his face? How was that fair? It wasn’t and Kent knew that all too well. He realized something: it may be selfish, but he didn’t know if he would be able to give it all up: the memories, the laughter, even Jodi. He also realized something else - he didn’t want to experience a life without her. 

“Hey, Starfruit?” Kent asked, breaking the peaceful silence that had enveloped the two. Jodi glanced up at him and smiled at the familiar nickname. It somehow seemed more tender and personal now. 

“Yeah, Cactus?” She replied, waiting for the next words to come out of Kent’s mouth. Her smile widened as she watched Kent process his own nickname and shake his head in a playful manner. 

“Can you do me a favor?” He spoke, his gaze softening as the words left his mouth. Kent felt his heart flutter at the nickname. Even if he hated to admit it and that it was created to tease him, he loved it when Jodi called him the name.  It was silly, yes, but it was his

“Oh yeah? What’s that?” Jodi asked, raising her eyebrow skeptically. She remembered the last time one of them had asked for a “favor” - they ended up spending two hours sorting a ridiculous amount of books at her mother’s store. Jodi just hoped this wasn’t something like that. She was definitely NOT going to spend two hours of her life sorting something again. At least, not heavy books. That was definitely a mistake. 

“Marry me.” 

Jodi’s eyes widened in surprise. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She stared at Kent for a few moments before shaking her head, “You’re crazy.” 

Jodi made a motion to get up but Kent gently grabbed her hand and stopped her in her tracks. 

“Look, I know I sound insane right now, but I mean it,” Kent retorted. He sat up and carefully took Jodi’s palm, holding it in both of his hands. 

‘You’re crazy,” Jodi repeated, a small frustrated frown finding itself onto her features. “Besides,” she started, halting her attempt at trying to break free from Kent’s grip, “my mother would never allow it.” 

“Just hear me out, okay?” Kent started, gently letting go of Jodi’s hand. He took a deep breath before speaking once again, “Hear me out and then you can decide. If the answer’s no, I won’t try to force you to change your mind.” 

“Okay,” Jodi answered, his eyebrows furrowing together as the next words left her mouth, “I’m listening.” 

“Jodi, I don’t think I can imagine a life without you. I..I didn’t realize it until now, but I think you’re what has been missing from my life,” Kent fumbled over the words, his face turning slightly red in embarrassment. He fidgeted with his hands and felt a small lump form in his throat. Why was it so difficult to say what was on his mind? Jodi had always been able to read him, so why wouldn’t it work this time?  He let out a small groan of frustration and tried to find the right words. Eventually, some words managed to untangle himself from the uncooked spaghetti of his brain and he spoke, “I don’t want to spend what’s left of my life regretting what could have been. I can’t promise much, but I know that if I make it out of this alive, I’m going to love and cherish you more than anything in the world. You’re so important to me, Jodi.” 

“And, hey,” Kent added, adding a small humorless laugh before saying, “If I die, you can always marry someone else.” 

Kent waited a few more seconds, allowing Jodi to process what information he had given her thus far, before letting more of his word-vomit overflow from his lips, “I know your mother would never approve and I don’t want to ruin what you two have. If this whole thing has been a waste of your time and you never want to see me again, I wouldn’t blame you. I want you to make whatever decision you think is right, even if it hurts me. My feelings should never be more important than your own.” 

Jodi remained silent, really thinking over the words that had just been spoken to her. She thought about these past few months, about how close she and Kent had gotten, about how he had somehow changed her life and made living seem more…fun, about how little time was left, about how she may never see Kent again. She realized that she, too, couldn’t imagine living without him. She also realized Kent had given her freedoms she wasn’t able to experience before: the freedom to choose what she wanted, not what the people around her wanted. 

Jodi reached out and gently took Kent’s hand in her own. Her gaze softened as she looked at Kent’s face. She thought about what the future held, how terrifying it seemed for both of them, how you only live once, how she desperately wanted to have a future where she could live her own life.

She thought for a moment longer before finally speaking, “Yes, Kent, I’ll marry you.”

[melancholiaenthroned]

i am officially one year on t and i wanted to write smth to commemorate it... i dont think i have anything too out there to say. ive been very lucky to have an extremely "by the books" experience with hrt and havent really had anything "surprise" me aside from in intensity.

i didnt expect the acne to be this bad. i didnt expect the places my sex drive in those first few months would lead me to (im probably not going to write more war and peace porn. i actually dont know what possesed me to do that). i didnt actually expect to be as happy as i am. so much of the low level dysphoria i didnt even realize was there vanished. so much dysphoria i still have is now at such a low level i no longer think of it every minute of every day.

my body still doesnt feel like "mine" or "me" but it feels much more comfortable. when i look down at myself im more likely to be pleasantly shocked at the body i inhabit than actively disgusted. i talk more, because i dont hate the sound of my own voice. i smile more, because im not hyper aware of my face and how others are perceiving it.

my biggest issues with hrt in this last year are almost exclusively the way other people have treated me for it. strangers are way more comfortable asking invasive questions than i wouldve expected. sometimes i can feel the disgust from people who knew me before my transition, which is the most upsetting. i dont think t made me ugly, or gross, or ruined my pure feminine body or whatever. but sometimes i think other people are thinking it. which isnt really my business but isnt exactly fun.

frankly my biggest issue has just been bureaucratic. ive been trying to get on t for many years before this and have run into stumbling block after stumbling block of referrals and appointments and miscommunications. so i guess be ready to really argue with medical professionals about vial expiration dates and dose sizes and topical estrogen.

sorry this is rambling and not really like. super coherent but 👍 my thoughts. heres to another year on t ^_^ peace and love on planet transgender

[jupitercl0uds]

ive just been reminded of stuff oh no

if youve read most of my posts since like mid august, maybe september onwards, youll know that i am STRUGGLING rn. while its been all over the place, having highs and lows, i seriously havent been this bad since 2020/21. i know the reasonable thing to do is take a break, but i cant do that because i have pitiful impulse control atm. that being said, the only thing to really stop me is to deactivate. my main blog's been going for years now, so i dont want to lose everything, though i also get the urge to occasionally.

the issue is, the only times i actually feel almost fully comfortable in a social circle is on tumblr and even then im still scared and awkward. my school friends keep saying really hurtful stuff and while a lot of it is just as a joke, theres almost no time to be serious with them. ive tried. i weakly asked them to stop calling everything retarded more months before finally putting my foot down and demanding, although it took a month of 'retard! whoops, i shouldnt say that' before they just went straight back to it.

my family loves me but i dont like it here. i dont think i even can get into it because its complicated. just know ive seen and HEARD a lot over my short life and its finally starting to catch up to me.

as for the other kids in my school, im in an awkward spot. im honestly fairly 'normal', just with slight outbursts from time to time, but ive always been weird so i always will be. oh, year 9 me, how naïve you were. they don't care if you have an autism diagnosis, if you mask or not, you will NEVER be normal, you will NEVER be accepted and they dont care if theres a reason. if anything, that makes it worse.

im only ever happy when im on tumblr or doing something sonic related. on tumblr, im insecure that nobody really likes me or someone's going to manipulate me, with no amount of reassuring being enough to change that. and as youve already seen me say, sonic is 'too childish', no matter how heavy the themes can be.

this always happens. pre-2020, i didnt really use social media much and i was 11 oldest, so my main escape was roblox/youtube. in 2020-22, i was only happy when chatting to friends on discord. that was ruined when we all started to argue and drift apart. in 2022-23, it was tiktok. this was then ruined when popular kids found my silly waluigi tiktoks and started sharing them around. i havent used tiktok since june and i havent posted a public video since may.

but then, last year, i remembered i had a tumblr account. i started to use it more. and then, when sonic got involved and suddenly i was becoming friends with people, i started to feel my absolute happiest. i was euphoric.

until, of course, my brain struck.

if my birthday werent at the end of august, i think i would be much worse than i currently am, because at least i had a short break to be happy. school was off to a bad start from the very beginning. i didnt sleep the night before my first day, nor did i sleep before the second. what's worse, mum didn't let me stop working at the charity shop i had THOUGHT was for the summer, because, you know, i dont have anything on my plate, im able to just have a designated day of the week where i have to be productive. nope! ive had my days off, but ive still had work every week. is it hard? no! do i have the spoons to go most weeks? also no!

thats not to mention exams. ive always been a well performing student and will be surprised if i fail even 1 gcse, but im not the top of any of my classes, not even the ones im passionate about. no, i dont have to be, i know, but when you grow up as a kid who often IS the top of their year in something, the moment you aren't, you feel like a failure. even if i get all 9s and a d* in drama, there'll be someone who gets more than me in something, and i know i definitely wont get all 9s and a d* in drama. i was proud for a moment, for being top of english, until i found out a girl ive known since primary got a 9 in an english language mock. english language. my favourite english and the subject im best at. needless to say, i was miserable. i barely even slept across the course of my mocks and wont be surprised if i do the same for my gcses.

i sometimes wonder if im just not built for the world, which could honestly be the case. because i have low support needs and my biggest problems are sensory issues (which can be easy to prevent) and social problems, i forget im even allowed to be disabled by autism. but i think that honestly might just be the case.

ive always wanted to be a teacher or an animator, hopefully both, but im starting to wonder if i can do either. animator has such a big workload. teacher also has a big workload, but i know because my family is full of teachers and artists that it's the kind of workload i can manage. but the kids? could i control the kids? could they even take an autistic, nonbinary teacher seriously? again, i dont have high support needs, but its hard not to notice im autistic. of course, if everything goes to plan, i would probably start teaching in the 2030s earliest, 2050s latest, so the world will have changed, but how much?

i get most of these are problems out of my control, but i suppose im just scared and tired of living. that's why i make a million posts a minute: i cant get a word in edgeways with anyone else. that's why i get so apologetic: id get ridiculed for trying otherwise. i get that im annoying and boring. i should know. when i was 3, my dad infodumped about back to the future to me for about half an hour and it was such a tiring experience that it still gets brought up. so i get it, it's annoying when all i care to talk about is sonic. but its the one thing i can care about right now. the world is in ruin and i hate being alive. i dont even have enough motivation to act upon any occasional suicidal/self harming thoughts.

but life goes on and there's no way to stop it.

[foxtriestobiteandmaimandkilland]

big long rant abt how happy i am rn but its LONG ^_^

holy shit . its a sunday evening and im somehow SO FUCKING HAPPY. like. nnothing even HAPPENED today i just had A GOOD DAY IN GENERAL this is incredible. like. i watched a nice tv episode and saw a funny video and played some minecraft and hollow knight and watched a fuckin crazy jrwi episode and woke up before the sun and felt the wind and watched the sun and heard the birds and. man. and tomorrow i know i have school and thats not even ruining my mood at all. because i have history. and my history teacher is nice. and he wont mind that i havent done any of the work because he gets it. and he explains things in interesting ways and hes kind and he never shouts and its the only class i not only feel comfortable asking questions, but where i WANT to ask questions because hes NICE about questions and i usually probably wouldnt care abt the shit were learning abt but he tells it like its actually REAL and not just a sheet of information. and im just happy. and whilst i didnt finish my codeflippa drawing like i hoped i would, i think ive come to terms w the fact i dont think i wanna ever Finish it, bc my creativity for it died down. i think ill just surround it in a few more flippa doodles n then post it bc ITSF FINE !!!! man. and like. i think ive remembered how it felt to be 5 again. when everything was SO EXCITING and i had no worries about the future because the only thing that EXISTED was here and now. and the world WAS big and scary but it was also incredible and interesting and full of light and colour and. like right now i can smell dinner cooking and for once im taking a moment to feel excited about that. because YES dinner happens everyday but !!! isnt it great that theres gonna be food soon !!!!!! and ill be able to eat it and i hope its smth i like. my sense of smell DID get fucked up 2 years ago BUT THAT ONLY MEANS DINNERS EVEN MORE OF A SURPRISE !!! it smells vaguely of HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT IT SMELLS LIKE THAT ONE CHICKEN DISH I HAD A LOT LIKE 5 YEARS AGO it most likely isnt that but ica nt belive i remember what that smells like . and like !!!! right now im listening tot he celeste soundtrack AND ITS SO GOOD !!!!!!! and MUSIC SOUNDS SO GOOD !!!!! and i played minecraft today and i tamed a dog called. smth. i havent named it yet. and a cat named smth toast related bc i was rlly hungry 4 toast and then i saw it. and i found out there r 3 seperate villages all really close to my base and i built a farm with potatoes and carrots and wheat and i mined for ages and realised my sense of direction in minecraft maybe isnt as bad as i thought it was because i spent like 2 hours in a cave and got utterly lost, but still knew which way west was. and i played a little hollow knight and didnt do too much but got across greenpath because i started a new save yesterday where i did all of crossroads. and if i play more hk later im gonna complete greenpath (or atleast what u can do b4 any other areas). and i saw my cat this morning !!!! and he was so friendly and he went meow meow meow and i went meow meow meow. and i just watched the new DW episode and !!!!! it was rlly good !!!!! ofCOURSEit had its moments of :/ BUT THAT DW FOR U IT ALWAYS HAS ITS :/ MOMENTS but it was SO good !!!!!!! and i love life sm rn and i can hum along to celeste music and my room is a good temperature and. my face ghurts bc ive been smilng so much. but im happy ^_^ and who knows how ill feel later tonight but what matters is that RIGHT NOW i m so in love witht he world :3

[cielospeaks]

short review of g f

so sevil part 2 event!!!!! hoo boy this one was actually really surprising (in a good way). like honestly

so im just kinda gonna list things

-the new friend (galanthalus i think?) gosh he gave me the biggest turnaround. like his story started out with ??? narrator who is uneasily calm in a heckscape with gratuitous ultraviolence and 99.9 percent of the time in this game that means that ??? is going to be the stereotypical "ow the edge unhinged uncaring murderous nonhuman something from another world" (ie the imposter girl from the ninetales events, morgan, etc. you know the cringe gratuitous violence scenerey chewing and not in a good way villans that this game keeps having to try and stop ppl from liking them more than the protagonists but it never works). but then the turnaround reveal that it was just a kid who was trapped in the sword for being not human and had been tortured and overlooked by everyone for centuries just bc he suited their needs? the biggest turnaround. and that the ??? who was talking to him/answering his questions wasnt a condescending big bad but keral who stayed to keep him company out of kindness????? and that both her and krel kinda let him be their child they never had and want to let him go back and live in the world?????? bro......

anyways tldr galan was a very pleasant surprise writing wise and i support him. also he lowkey reminds me of idunn and i dig that so much

-the arc of the main trio! ofc it was very depressing but im glad they didnt go for an ending where "everyone survives everything is fine uwu!" bc i feel like that sort of thing, tho it could happen bc of how op the main cast is, it would make all their suffering and pain feel trivialized and thrown out, and itd make me hate the main cast more (they already made themselves dislikable enough imo, with them guilting sevil to stay towards the middle just bc they didnt want him to leave, with no thoughts abt how hed feel. and that being said i love that the reason he stayed was to help galan, not bc he was guilt tripped into it). like it is really sad what happened, esp to krel at the very end, but it did feel conclusive which was nice (please no sequel. this was a good ending. we dont need a sequel to ruin it, i am looking directly at the knights and perfetto events. and maybe a sideye at the robomi ones for the unnecessary prophecy stuff)

-the side character development! like despite the angst, it all felt very organic (with sevil's story already having that old timey gin tama-ey feel it all seemed to make sense in the setting and not come across as cringe or insensitive angst). esp bc we didnt know a lot abt the characters in the first event, as they werent playable and didnt appear that much (they didnt even get journal entries either smh). so hearing more abt their backstories made them feel a lot more fleshed out. it was sweet seeing them stay to help w galan also, i do wish they were playable tho but it does make sense theyd be npcs

-have not seen gacha sevils story but im hoping its good! itd easily put him with caro and main gacha sturm of characters id really want (not to mention limited studra too ofc)

-and ofc. from kisumiverse side, i feel like kisumi is trying to resist the urge to punch danchou and co. in the face the whole time, while trying to be supportive of sev. who, to be utterly fair, is so wrapped up in his problems he doesnt necessarily notice kisu until towards the end. kisu doesnt want him to apologise as she sees that it isnt his fault, just asks him to take care of himself, and he realizes that he has a genuine alive friend in kisumi. its just a fun "friends dealing with grief and loss and the cycle of grief together" story.

-and then theres also the ending trope which is actually like tooth rottingly cute. "my sister and brother in law died and left behind a child that i am raising alongside my best friend" for some like slice-of-life hallmark movie angst-with-a-happy-ending. like literally. i feel like the sevil + galan + kisumi (w the father daughter too bc theyre cool) could be the casts in some heartwarming family movie or something

anyways this event, easy 9/10. maybe even 10/10. like i dont think g f could have a better event. zodicas was eh (playable ragazzo was easily the best part), knights was really meh, dont talk to me abt the perfetto one, i honestly dont mind no robomi bc the last one had elements i dont care for, everything else was just really bad except the really middle of the road collab and the slightly not so bad but also not impactful one w the grimmir squad. but yea this event is easily the best that theyve had in the last few years

[stayxlix]

Ok I’m back writing :)

Seungmin and mc :( I hope they have a really good friendship. He's so puppy here :(

“You examined him, unable to help but notice that the way he held himself didn't quite match the others. That his posture was just slightly straighter. How he held his head just a little bit higher.” WATCH MINHO BE MC’S LONG LOST BROTHER OR SOMETHING

BUT I’M LIKE 78% SURE HE’S A DISTRICT 9 BABY

“He jogged over and plopped down on your other side, lightly brushing your shoulder with his own as he tossed a bottle to Chan over the fire.” Giggling rn. (get it together Julian)

Hsjcaksjcc Pls what does mc feel for Jisung lmao😭 let’s work on lix first 😂

Mc better not say/do some dumb shit while drunk btw😃

“…and Seungmin lay against the ground with his eyes closed, humming out a wistful melody in perfect pitch.” MY BABYYYYYY

“…found Yellow Wood nearly five years ago.” You made it 5 I want to cry now. Woah, I’m feeling so many emotions rn

“…as Felix stared daggers at Jisung.” WHAT IS ACTUALLY GOING ON SJDJVBFJ MC WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR A LOVE TRIANGLE

“Brown eyes had always been your favorite…” THANK YOU BC YES

"Don't blame me, District nine over here can drink!"Jisung pointed to where you sat behind him and you shoved his shoulder.” I actually adore him

“-y/n just go. I know you want to. I won’t tell.” He put a finger to his lips…” I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I WANT TO KEPP HIM AS MY BEST FRIEND I LOVE HIM

“Immediately upon turning the corner at the top of the stairs you, let out a small yelp when you were encompassed by a pair of strong arms from behind.” I don’t even know what to say any more I’m so gone for this character bruh

The worldbuilding for the hotel is simply immaculate by the way. You managed to describe both it's ruin and it's beauty while still maintaining that the characters do not understand what such a building would be used for

after a busy day im finally sitting down for the evening to jump back into this (okay in reality its almost midnight) but either way i cannot WAIT🤭 so lets get started...

"WATCH MINHO BE MC’S LONG LOST BROTHER OR SOMETHING" "BUT I’M LIKE 78% SURE HE’S A DISTRICT 9 BABY"

SCREAMING WHEN I READ THIS. i know i gave hints here but ig i didnt think anyone would actually figure out that he was from district 9…or at least bother to let me know that they did (on my knees apologizing for not giving you enough credit omg) not that im surprised at all that you figured it out IMMEDIATELY bc im starting to think you know this story better than i do....

"Hsjcaksjcc Pls what does mc feel for Jisung lmao😭 let’s work on lix first 😂" "WHAT IS ACTUALLY GOING ON SJDJVBFJ MC WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR A LOVE TRIANGLE"

lmao me to myself when jisung comes out of nowhere to bias wreck me on the daily like its his job (im loyal to felix i swear🫠)

"Mc better not say/do some dumb shit while drunk btw😃"

depends on your definition of dumb shit...

"You made it 5 I want to cry now. Woah, I’m feeling so many emotions rn"

i love skz so much okay😭😭 SO PROUD OF THEM FOR 5 YEARS😭 my babiessss ugh (it makes me so happy that you saw what i was trying to do here and found the meaning in this🥹💕)

"The worldbuilding for the hotel is simply immaculate by the way. You managed to describe both it's ruin and it's beauty while still maintaining that the characters do not understand what such a building would be used for"

and this right here. giggling and kicking my feet rn because you have no idea how much i procrastinated this part (among several others in this chapter) like when i tell you there were certain parts that i STRUGGLED with it absolutely includes trying to put into words the whole vibe i was going for with the hotel. so once again you have managed to write such thoughtful commentaries on some of the parts that i was most insecure about and i am forever thankful for that.🥹💕 like beyond words at this point.💕💕

lets head on over to part 4 yeah? ngl im excited for this one..

[mcprincessdiaries-archive]

actually it might make more sense to explain each individual pair

bonana/sasabe has always been The One to me so ig it doesnt need that much explaining. like theyre strong childhood friends but tbh i dont think that specifically is what makes them work, its more the "wow im so happy to see you grow and change and actually get to be who you want to be" and maybe they also have some destiny bond stuff going on in the deep background hehe :)c

oranje/sasabe is kinda fun though bc like before the scions, oranje spent several years working as a sellsword. but bc of events in her past she refused to get close to anyone and always keep a stricrly professional air in her work. except that went out the window the second she met a baby thaumaturge whose sincerity cut right through the facade. of course, she ended up quashing whatever feelings she had when they joined up with the other two and she realized bo and sas were clearly very close already

actually thinking about it theres a very real chance she didnt like bo at all at first. but shed never say it out loud. and of course over time that would change, most especially in the time before shb. i mean, they ended up stuck alone in a world they didnt understand and while the hardships were many, there was also a lot of good moments. oranje finally gets a better idea of what bonanas really like behind the theatrics he'd been putting on before, and likewise he gets to learn why she hides so much.

and it takes them so long to confess because theyre all vaguely of the other two feeling for each other and dont want to ruin anything. but when it does finally come out its not surprising at all, how could it not happen

[smokeandjollyranchers]

This is for @eisschirmchen!! It’s her birthday in her timezone, and almost in mine! So here’s the backstory for Caleb and Nott in the modern AU we’ve talked about!! (Aka therapy exists and Caleb might have a fighting chance.)

Caleb Widogast’s thumb is bleeding.

He wraps the rest of his fingers around his thumb, looking around the rest of the room. This support group he’s part of was “suggested” by one of his favorites nurses from the institution. She told him it would help ease his transition back into the real world, give him something to ground himself with, since they meet twice a week. That way, even if everything else feels like it’s falling down around him, there would always be this.

He’s not participated much, or maybe even at all since he joined about six months ago, but the nurse had been right. It was grounding to come to the same place, with the same people, and usually the same stories. Which is why the new person being dragged in stands out to him so much.

She’s young, or perhaps she’s just small. Caleb figures she can’t be more than five feet tall, and though her eyes are lined in bags, and bloodshot, there’s no way she’s even eighteen yet. A taller individual, with long hair and a stern mouth sits her down in a chair, and Caleb can see a badge on their waist. They go to talk to the woman running the group, and a file is passed over. Caleb figures this must be her parole officer.

The girl slumps down in her seat, a deep scowl on her face. She’s wearing a hoodie that’s possibly two sizes too big for her, and jeans with several holes in them. There’s two different shoes on her feet, one foot with no sock, the other foot with a sock that nearly goes up to her knee. Her long fingernails tap against her elbow as she crosses her arms, and Caleb can see the golden shimmer of a henna design on her fingers. It matches the gold ring in her nose, and the chain leading to what he assumes are her ears. She meets his eyes and he realizes he’s been staring at her. She makes a face at him.

He nearly smiles.

“Okay!” The group leader claps her hands and everyone turns to look at her. “How is everyone going today?”

As always, no one answers her, but she’s anticipating this, and she keeps going anyways. “We have a new member joining us today, would you like to introduce yourself?”

The girl shrugs. “My name is Nott.”

“That’s an interesting name huh?”

“Sure? It’s mine.”

“And what brings you here, Nott?”

“Court obligation. They wanted to put me in AA, but thought I might be too triggering since I’ll remind everyone of their kids blah blah, so I’m here.”

“Well Nott, we’re happy to have you.”

“Sure.”

The group leader moves on, and Caleb goes back to picking at the skin of his nails. He’s only halfway through the meeting and his index finger is bleeding now too. He wonders why he’s so edge, and he meets the girls eyes again. She’s staring at him now, there’s no malice in her eyes. She’s simply observing him, like he does to the rest of them.

He goes back to his nails.

-

After the meeting, the girl comes up to him, reaching into her backpack. She pulls out a few band aids and hands them to him. “Here, it’ll stop the picking too.”

“Thank you.” He takes them, unsure of what else to do.

“What’s your name?”

“Caleb.”

“It’s nice to meet you Caleb. See you around.”

-

Caleb doesn’t talk to her again for a couple weeks, but he always makes sure she’s at the meetings. The next week after her first meeting, she comes in with a busted lip and a deeper scowl than before. The next week her hoodie is gone, replaced poorly with a too-big flannel that goes to her knees. The third week, Caleb catches a wristband on her that he recognizes.

After the meeting is over, he goes over to her. Nott looks up at him and offers him a smile. “Nail picker, whats up?”

“You at the Felderwind shelter?” He asks. Caleb is terrible at small talk, he passes it when he can. Nott lifts an eyebrow up, pulling up a sleeve to hide the wristband.

“So?”

“So the thieving there is really bad. So are the gangs, at least they were about a year ago when I was there. They’ll rough you up good if you try and keep your head down. Hard to stay out of the shit when you live in it.”

Nott looks surprised for a second, then she pulls her confidence back on like a mask. “It’s fine, I can handle it.”

“Ja, I believe it. You’ve got more of your stuff than I did a couple weeks after being there, that’s for sure. I just...want some coffee?”

She eyes him critically, deciding what it is he’s after. Caleb has no idea either, he isn’t sure why he’s doing this, but he is, and he wants to buy her some coffee.

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

-

He and Nott go to coffee after meetings now.

Sometimes he buys, sometimes she does. Sometimes they sit there and say nothing. Sometimes Nott pulls out a flask and pours it into her coffee, sometimes she doesn’t. It takes time before they open up a little, but it does happen.

Nott tells him her family is a mess, and she ran away. She’s homelesss now but it’s still infinitely better than living with her family. She doesn’t know what she’s going to do, really, but she’ll figure it out. She’s pretty smart.

Caleb asks her how old she is. She shrugs him off, but eventually tells him she’s sixteen. Caleb remembers being sixteen, and if he thinks about it for too long, the dreams will come back so he doesn’t think about it anymore.

Caleb tells her he used to live at the shelter she’s living at now. He tells her about little spots he’s found to hide his things. He tells her about how to find where the rounds schedule is so she can move freely at night. He tells her to be careful, because it’s easy to get sucked into the darkness in there, and she’s much too smart to get trapped there.

Caleb also tells her he’s gotta a job at the university recently. He’s in the research department, and in exchange, they’re willing to let him take classes. Nott’s eyes sparkle at this, and Caleb realizes she’s genuinely happy for him, and he smiles at her for real.

He’s somehow found himself a friend.

Nott is missing at the next meeting.

Caleb doesn’t want to be worried about her, but he does see the group leader make a note on her pad, a worried draw to her mouth.

-

Nott is at the next meeting, and she looks awful.

Her lip is busted again, and one of her eyes is swollen. She limps on her way to her seat, and winces as she sits down. The group leader looks concerned, but she doesn’t make Nott talk about it. Wise choice, since Nott’s eyes stay on the floor for the whole meeting.

After it’s over Caleb walks over to her and offers her his hand. “Coffee?”

-

Nott curls into her side, looking even smaller in the coffee shop chair.

She won’t meet Caleb’s eyes, but she does finally speak, after he pours a little bit of whiskey into both their cups. “You can’t stay in the shelter during the day, so I usually wander around the city. I’ll steal things when I can, and maybe when I shouldn’t. But today, there were these men out, and they passed me cutting through an alley, and then next thing I knew I was on the ground.

“They mostly just called me names, called me a street rat, and a waste of space and stuff like that, but they wouldn’t stop kicking me. When they finally got bored I just hung out in the library for the rest of the day until the shelter opened. Then I went there, and...one of them is staying at the shelter now. He attacked me there later, when I was stashing my stuff in that place you told me about. Where-“

“Where the cameras can’t see.” Caleb finishes for her, his fist nearly crushing his coffee cup. “Tell me, Nott, you can recognize this guy right?”

“Yeah…” she finally looks at him, a half smile on her face. “Why do you ask.”

“I feel we need to have a talk with him.”

-

Caleb can’t remember the last time he’s felt this anger inside of him. He knows it’s there, and that it’ll never go away, but it’s slept for so long, he’s forgotten how much he’s addicted to it, how the heat from it keeps him alive, keeps him awake. He waits outside of the shelter, a cigarette he’ll never smoke between his fingers. He’s always loved the smell but he’s never loved the taste.

Up on the stairs, he hears the door open, and Nott comes dashing out, running as fast as she can. Behind her is some sort of a brute, chasing her, enraged look on his face. Nott has a look of wild glee on her face as she skids around the corner, the brute following her down the alley. Caleb tosses his smoke to the side and follows them into the alley.

He’s focused on Nott, cowering at the dead end, to notice Caleb coming up behind him. He absolutely didn’t hear Caleb pick up the wine bottle in the alley, and he was dazed and on his knees before he even saw Caleb behind him.

Caleb stares down at him, feeling steel run through his veins. The brute glares at him, trying to stand up. “Who the fuck are you?”

“Whoever I need to be.” Caleb answers, kicking him in the side, so he falls back down. He lifts his foot, bringing it down on his ribs until he hears a crack under his boot. Good. That should be enough. He needs to reel himself I before this fucker ends up dead.

Nott stands now, walking over to him. She pulls her foot back and kicks him straight in the teeth with the foot that has a boot. He groans, and Nott jumps over him, coming to stand next to Caleb.

Caleb looks down at her, and exhales. “I have a couch, it’s not much but it’s yours if you want it.”

“That would be great.”

-

It isn’t actually even a couch. It’s Caleb’s old easy chair and he can’t believe she’s small enough to sleep in it.

She lays in the chair, a blanket wrapped around her, and she looks calm. She looks like she’s at peace, she looks like he’s never seen her before. Caleb can’t help but be relieved. He didn’t realize how deep under his skin Nott’s gotten, but she’s here now, and he admits he’s happy to not be alone in his small little apartment.

His cat jumps up on the chair, sniffing at their newest addition.

“Be nice,” Caleb tells Frumpkin, a small smile on his face. “She’s our’s now.”

Frumpkin blinks and sinks his teeth in Nott’s leg.

The scream and howl that follows fills his apartment, and Caleb can’t help but think how happy he is to not be in silence.

[ganyuslily]

as your high school sweetheart — genshin headcanons

characters: albedo, childe, diluc, kazuha, xiao

category/extra notes: modern!au, high school!au, fluff, at some parts its very cliche im sorry KDJDJS

a little summary: how would they be like in a modern relationship?

a/n: IM ACTUALLY VERY PROUD OF THIS,, i dont think it had been done before but :00 this was fun o make i have more modern!aus in my drafts ( @xiaophobic psst here are one of the modern!au hcs i have, and kazuhas kinda based off of what u sent in today )

albedo

it starts out as a lab project that you two were supposed to work on together, and even though you werent too keen on working with a guy that always seemed a little pretentious when he spoke, you decided to suck it up for the sake of a good grade. but as you work along side him, it turns out hes not so full of himself as you thought at first. you can see hes awkward and he doesnt know what to do and how to act, but under this seemingly emotionless persona, he cares. you can see it in the way he takes care of his younger sister klee, in the way he helps sucrose organize her notes, in the way he starts to check up on you even after the project is done. you notice the subtle stares and small details. the way he stays up to help you finish that late assignment, or how he helps you catch up in classes. hes always around when you need him and you dont even notice youre falling in love until uve already fallen deep. the confession is messy and clumsy, “i love u” spilled under the moonlight and gentle smiles passed in the corridors between classes. its so natural, loving him.

childe

hes that one guy everyone tells u to keep a distance from; but how can you, when his smiles are so bright and warm, when he loops his hand around your arm and intertwines your fingers when hes around you. how can you do that when hes the one that finds you crying after an exam goes wrong and tries his best to cheer you up or when the guy that made you uncomfortable yesterday now seems to be scared to even come near you. you dont know how or when you got close to him, when everything about him screamed “trouble” but to you he only meant love and adoration. he holds your hand and kisses you on the cheek before every lesson and sneaks cheesy letters into your locker. he treats you as if you were made out of glass, always gentle and patient. you dont know what you did to deserve him, but you stay with him, even when he comes to you with cuts and bruises and a black eye every other day. you only sigh and whisper “oh, ajax” and he kisses you, telling you that hes sorry.

diluc

its so gentle; no one really knows the two of you are dating. hell, even the both of you arent sure of that. but the way he treats you, walking you to your class and taking you home everyday, buying you food when you forget to take it from home in stress or buying you coffee or tea based on your mood, you think youre dating. but none of you ever made the final move to ask the other one out, so you hold yourself. you hold yourself from the urge to kiss him goodbye or hold his hands while walking around. you hold yourself from saying “i love you”, even though its at the end of your tongue. you dont have the courage to risk ruining what you already have. when he takes you stargazing, you know you should be looking at the night sky, at the twnikling lights, but how can you when the brightest one is right next to you. so when you accidentally say that hes so pretty, he looks at you with surprise and warm cheeks, as if he didnt believe what he heard. he looks at you with oh so much fondness and when you kiss you feel more happy than you ever were before.

kazuha

when you see him for the first time, you think your eyes are deceiving you; he looks like an angel with his white hair and the sunlight dancing on his skin. hes holding a brush in his hand, paint smeared on his face and hair slipping out of his ponytail. he doesnt even notice you at first, too immersed in his own work. he only looks at you when you stumble over your own feet, almost falling into him. when you catch your balance, he only smiles at you and you think your heart stops. he quietly asks if you need anything, and you say you have an art project to do. he offers to help and you shyly nod. you dont really talk a lot, especially in the beginning, but you slowly open up to each other. he speaks in short sentences, getting right to the point, but its not aggressive or rough, his voice sounding like a gentle melody. you usually sit in silence and work together in the art room after classes and thats how your relationship blooms. slipping into a relationship comes easily, it comes naturally, no one feels the need to even ask. its obvious, especially in the way you look at each other and how everyone else can always see you together. its easy. being with him is easy.

xiao

you bump into him by accident in the corridor and muster a quick “sorry”, before running to your next class. you dont even notice who he is, not realizing its the guy that attends the classes u do too. but for some reason you keep bumping into him, your books and papers flying everywhere and your face red from embarrassment. he doesnt seem to mind; he always helps you out without a word and then you part your ways. you dont talk until the moment when you meet again, and surprisingly this time hes the one bumping into you. before he manages to slip away, you quickly ask if he wants to go to the coffee shop later, my treat for you helping me out all this time, you add. and how can he say no when hes been looking for the opportunity to do the same, but he always backed out in fear of rejection. your relationship smells of coffee, his black and yours with way too much sugar and milk in, of qingqins and books from your study dates. he cares for you and you care for him. your first kiss happens also accidentally, neither of you getting rid of the habit of stil bumping into each other in the hallways. so when your lips crash and you back out, whispering a string of sorries in panic, he only cups your face and shyly asks if he can kiss you again.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Hello Raven. Ive been reading on your opinions and thoughts about How TWST would work as an otome game and im really interested.Your analysis is great and it feels refreshing to see another person that finds people "uwufying" certain characters irritating.

First,I would like to say that I was very surprised when i found your opinions about how TWST works as a dating sim.Most people romanticise TWST Its the exact same reason why i thought TWST was a otome when i first heard about it,and being manufactured by Disney didnt help at all.It was amazing seeing how much your opinion about it clashes so much around other peoples lolololol

This might sound offending but i seriously thought alot of people here were "uwufyers"(?) And believes in "love solves everything" and it was a large immediate bad image turn on for me.It was tiring seeing people constantly think of love as all sunshine and daisies and ignore the soil erosions around them,probably one of the big reasons why alot of peoples first relationships dont work out at all.

Ok i need to start getting to why i actually wrote this ask

I can totally see TWST working as a dating sim while still maintaining the main foundations of the game.

There might be some holes in this idea but im a wild teenager on the loose not a game developer.

Overused Love tropes are boring and happy ever afters are a one in a trillion chance of happening

So while Were not gonna touch on most of the plot in TWST the most were gonna change about it are only small little details. Its important for the character to have some bad traits and lore( that is not overused and boring and looks like it was written by a 5 year old,thank you very much) so all thats going to happen to make it work is by adding some more intimacy and physical contact on the game like Kalim hugging you repeatedly occuring,Trey baking with you because you asked him to help you on the school project and it becoming a thing the both of do together,Apple Carving with Epel,Having fun causing trouble with the Adeuce duo yada yada so while we do have some sweet moments and maybe a mix of romantic ones and friendzone moments aka giving the player mixed signals so they suffer

And based on which route you choose is who yuu will fall in love with,but only a selected few have happy endings

Take Jack for example,the only problems i really see here is his tendency to tie himself to his morals(which can be considered as a toxic trait)and his tsundere personality(which i honestly find quite annoying) so a "happy ending" "bittersweet ending" and "bad ending" along with "worse ending"(which are all the possible endings you can get and is available)

Happy ending:Jack shares the same feelings and after a lot while of debating and friendzoning you slowlyyyy subtley admits his feelings and after years and years of reassurance,tears,awkward flirting and amateur courting,you guys finally get together.yay

Bittersweet ending:Jack only sees you as a friend and its so painfully obvious.you would be a fool to believe hes going to catch on feelings for you when he stated himself he sees you as a sibling.Not wanting to ruin everything you kept your feelings sealed and just smiled

Idk abt the bad and worse endings i ran out of ideas haha

The other ones like Idia only has a "bittersweet ending"(which isnt always friendzoning the player more like he had feelings for you too but his insecurities got in the way) and a "bad ending"(you cry your little heart as you remember exactly how Idia belittled your feelings,should have known better when he was quite actively mocking love).Some only have a "happy ending" and "bittersweet ending".While others have different mixtures based on personality,background and occupation

However none of the royals have a "happy ending" why? Simple,Youre a commoner.A magicless prefect that came from an unknown world,You seriously think people will take to you kindly? Honestly with Leona there miiight be chance but with Malleus?The chances of you transporting to the fictional world is higher than being liked by 1% of fae while still being human.The eels only have a bad and worse ending and i think you know the reason for that.

Bad endings can be caused by other major factors (major character death,or minor character death that had a big impact on one of the mcs,player going back home,etc.) Worse endings are basically bad endings but worse if the character doesnt have a bad ending there wont be a worse ending

The actual romance starts when they graduate aka halfway through the route it takes time to develop feeling and for others to overcome trauma or atleast tone down their problems a bit

How you will get these endings are based on your choices

Whew this was long and oh boy while yes they dont follow alot of media expectations and defeats the main purpose of a dating sim(which is making the player feel loved) i wanted to have something more realistic something more TWST

I really enjoyed your analysis and only a few things im really interested in can make me ramble on like this! So thank you for reading this very long message and i hope you have a great day :)

[Referencing this post and this post!]

Aaaah 😅 Honestly, I’m just glad that I’m finally able to get my thoughts on that out... It’s definitely not my cup of tea, but I had been holding back on sharing my opinion because I worried about coming off as invalidating the people who do enjoy it (and I hope that I haven’t given off those vibes). As I’ve always stressed, just because I don’t personally like something doesn’t mean that others cannot like it. People are free to do and enjoy whatever they want!

Yume culture is definitely very prevalent in the Twisted Wonderland fandom! (For those who may not know, “yume” is short for “yumejoshi”, or 夢女子, which literally translates to “Dream Girl”. It is a term used for those (typically female) who enjoy dating their favorite character(s) in their head or in their imagination, usually via a self-insert or via an OC.) I think part of the reason for it is that the TWST characters are really loveable and relatable, and people wish that they could engage with them on a more intimate level. It’s how a lot of TWST fans demonstrate their love for certain characters!

ASDHBASODYPboffuba AHAHAHAH 🤣 After being in this fandom for over 2 years, I’ve found that a lot of my opinions misalign with what the majority of the fandom thinks. It doesn’t make any one opinion better or worse than the others, but I just think it’s something amusing to note. I try to give all sides consideration and the benefit of the doubt when possible, but ultimately I’d like to think that I approach TWST lore and its characters with more pragmatism than most. Maybe I’m just jaded--

I don’t know if I can speak for the entire fandom, but I feel like I’ve personally seen a lot of “uwu” takes. They’re understandable to some extent, as people will inevitably want to comfort these characters and to seek comfort from them in return. I don’t fault anyone for that, even if I choose to disagree with it. I just hope that those takes are only harmless fun and escapism, and that they don’t seriously extend to real world relationships, because that would be a setup for disappointment and even potentially toxic situations 💦

Yeah, I think that if TWST were to be a dating sim at all (while maintaining its identity), it would have to completely flip the script of conventional dating sims. TWST is a game about “villains”, and while that doesn’t necessarily condemn them to not having a happily ever after, it doesn’t mean that their happily ever after needs to come now, that it should be quite so easy to obtain, or that their circumstances will actually allow for it. Part of what makes TWST… well, TWST 😂 is that while there is magic and fantastical bullshit going on around you, the story and its characters still have its roots in realism. There are reasons and backstories for characters acting a certain way, and things happen as a result of the characters acting organically, not out of plot convenience. This would be possible to incorporate into a unique dating sim experience.

Like you’ve said, there can be more physical contact and sweet, intimate moments spent one-on-one with the boy of your choosing. I think there’s a lot of cute possibilities for those so-called “love-flag” cutscenes! Imagine looking after the hedgehogs with Riddle, going on cafe hangouts with Cater, baking with Trey, etc. It’d allow for the characters to be themselves without erasing their flaws and faults while still spending time with the protag (Riddle is taking care of the hedgehogs because it is his duty, Cater needs someone to polish off his sweets after he’s done taking pics for his Magicam account, Trey appreciating a hand in the kitchen because he’s worn out from being the main baker for unbirthday parties, etc.)

Oooh, I really like the idea that only some boys actually get “happy endings”/end up in an actual romantic relationship with the protag 🤔 But to play devil’s advocate for a moment, I can see why that might upset some people? Like, imagine being told that a character you really like doesn’t get or “deserve” a happy ending/love (and you, the player, by extension, don’t get that happy ending/love that you explicitly picked up this game for), but that others do????? And based solely on the character you picked/liked, too… (Worse yet is that I see a lot of the most popular characters, like the OB boys, being the ones that most likely don’t have “happy endings”.) That would just seem unfair to the fans of certain characters.

I’m not going to comment much on the ideas shared for Jack and Idia’s routes (since I think they work well as you have proposed), but since you mentioned Idia, I’m going to take a moment to speculate. I get that people want to date the TWST boys, but I wonder if anyone has stopped to consider the implications of certain characters if the genre were to change. Dating sims focus on romance, right???? So what would happen to Grim in that case??? And what about Ortho, who is a literal child that you obviously should NOT date or have romantic feelings for??? Since you can’t write either of them romantically, I fear that their roles would be greatly diminished in the routes, reduced to nothing more than “cute but sassy mascot/pet” and “Idia’s wingman”. In Ortho’s case, this is especially bad because his whole character arc ends with him finally being acknowledged as his own person rather than as an “object”, but the structure of a dating sim would probably make Ortho a plot device to move the romance along 😔 I don’t like the idea of changing Grim and/or Ortho to make them dateable either; it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It takes away the importance of the platonic relationship between Grim and his minion, and in Ortho’s case, aging him up and/or making him alive or never dead in the first place removes a lot of meaning from his and Idia’s struggles and childhood trauma. It also kind of implies that something was “wrong” with the originals (and, by extension, something was “wrong” the friendships they had with the protag) 💦

I’ve actually always been bothered by non-royals getting romantically involved with royals 😅 It’s nice to think about for escapism purposes, but I personally prefer to write and consume media with a more pragmatic view and where there are realistic consequences for everything that happens. I’d be really interested to see the aftermath of a route where Malleus had to turn you down because he puts his duties as crown prince first, or where the twins get you caught up in their shady family business (presumably the underwater mob) 👀 Love’s numbing power only lasts so long before you have to deal with the consequences that come with those feelings and the one you’ve sworn them to.

Now that I think about it 🤔 a time skip around the middle of the game reminds me of Fire Emblem 3H. It worked pretty well in that game because the story was split pretty evenly between the past and the future (with maybe more of a lean toward the future, where most of the character development occurs. The actual romantic relationships happen post-main conflict, because the characters have other priorities (fighting for their causes). I think that this kind of a format would work well for TWST, especially with the deep-rooted nature of the trauma some of the boys have experienced (or just how generally stubborn they are to the ideas of friendship and love). For the TWST boys, their priorities would mostly be schoolwork, but also the OBs and what comes immediately after (if those are kept in the dating sim). I feel that it is tonally deaf or at least insensitive to launch into a romance or continue the buildup to one right after someone has been through something really dark and disturbing; they should be focused on mentally recovering instead. This would not be as much of an issue if the idea of a relationship was revisited later in life, when the characters are not as burdened by schoolwork and have had time to grow, to mature, and to sit with their thoughts and reflect on them. This would also solve the “age issue”. If the dating sim protag is over 18, it gets iffy romancing younger boys, and if they’re under 18, it gets iffy romancing older boys—but if there’s a time skip, then everyone is a consenting adult and it’s all gucci 👌

I’m with you when I say that if we get a TWST dating sim, I’d want it to be well-written and realistic so as to maintain the charm of the original. (But of course, there’s nothing wrong with wanting an experience different than this for a hypothetical TWST dating sim! Everyone has different tastes, which we should be respectful of.)

[pr0dbeomgyu]

EPISODE 20.0(FINALE): I'M SO IN LOVE WITH YOU

"this road feels familiar,"

it wasnt really familiar actually.

y/n and beomgyu were in the car, already heading somewhere. beomgyu had told her it's gonna be a surprise, but she wouldnt stop guessing ever since the last 30 minutes, just to get on his nerve.

"no it doesnt,"

beomgyu on the other hand was already sweating, worried if y/n really had figured out the place they're heading to. but from what he remembered, he only took y/n there once, and she even slept throughout the whole car ride.

when they arrived, what she saw made y/n felt teary. it was the daisy field where they once had their hearts broken.

"so do you wanna tell me when did u start liking me?"

they were sitting close to each other, eyes on the scenery in front of them.

"eager, aren't we?" beomgyu teased.

"the very first time i saw you was at the library,"

"yeah, yeah, when i stumbled onto you, right," she rolled her eyes.

"no dumbass, it was before that,"

"when?"

"remember that one time hyuka dolphin-screamed at the library?"

"how could i not? i was so embarrassed. wait, you were there?"

"i was literally at the table beside you,"

"you were? i was so busy being embarrassed, i didnt even notice," she said.

"awww so you're saying it was love at first sight, gyu?" she turned to him, pinching his cheeks.

"i guess? i dont even believe in that before i met you," he answered.

"so when we met again at the library, i was already into you,"

y/n blushed, she never expected beomgyu to start liking her that early.

"i never thought you could be this romantic, beomgyu,"

"so, how about you? when did u start liking me?" he asked, taking her hands in his. his thumb drawing random shapes on the back of her hand out of habit.

y/n cant help leaning into beomgyu, putting her head into the crook of his shoulder. beomgyu shifted a bit, his other free hand went behind y/n, playing with her hair. once again, she melted into his touch, sighing contentedly.

the situation was too perfect to be real, they felt like staying like that forever.

"i dont really know the exact time i started to have feelings for you, but i definitely already did when you hugged me on the first movie night,"

"ooh, i knew you're a sucker for my hugs,"

"shut up, you liked me first,"

they were surrounded by silence, but none of them paid any mind cause it was a comfortable one. that's how it is around him, she felt right at home.

"so you wanna know why i brought you to the library and book cafe for our first date?"

y/n's head is now on beomgyu's laps. this time, y/n's fingers were playing with his fringe that had fallen and covered a little part of his eyes, since he's bending down to look at her.

"why?"

"i dont want you to associate those places with your embarrassing moments anymore. i want you to remember them as the places we went to for our first date," he said, pulling her by her chin to fully face him.

"also this place? i know it held a painful memory for both of us, such a shame for this beautiful place. so it's only right to make it our happy place again,"

he looked at her so intensely, making her feel like she's the only thing he sees.

"god, i know this is long overdue, but im so in love with you, choi beomgyu" she said.

maybe it was the way y/n's looking at him? or was it the way she called him by his full name? what ever it is, it made beomgyu's heart skipped a beat.

"finally you said it, i love you too, y/n,"

she saw beomgyu almost leaned in, but stopped halfway.

"so, are you my... you know, girlfriend now?" the sight of beomgyu getting shy is so rare to y/n, but she didnt want to ruin the moment, so she made a mental note to make fun of him later.

"of course, silly. so now, please continue what ever you were doing just now,"

beomgyu finally leaned in completely, his lips meeting y/n's nose first, making her giggle. his lips slowly traveled towards hers, both of them smiling into the kiss. the kiss was a slow and gentle one, but just enough to show how much they love each other.

PREVIOUS | NEXT | MASTERLIST

summary: your first encounter with beomgyu was at the library, stumbling onto him and you mistakenly taking him as a library step stool. ever since that embarrassing occurrence, you seem to always bump into beomgyu, in the most unfortunate events.

tags: @iminchaosnow @atinyyylove @definitelynotcesia @bls-luv-me @softkons @ikyk-leeknow @akaashisbunny @imissjuyeon @cerisetalks @jiminaaaahhhh @miraculyfe @fruitysann @jueunnn @shrutiajit @pcybuttercup @fiantomartell @multi4lifer @beomsunjun @taehyunsfel @gloomyghostface @mxrcayong-main @beombeomlvr @snowfalltxt @jaemsluvr @envy-brr @deezarenotmynutz @mariecoura @todorokiskitten (send ask to get tagged <3)

a/n: it's finally the end!! thank you for reading to the end, i'll add the extra episode for epilogue tomorrow. dont forget to leave your thoughts in my askbox ^^

[crimsonophelia]

Could I get a fluffy and maybe flirty Childe imagine set during his story quest? Instead of the Traveler and Paimon accompanying him, the reader (who works at the Northland Bank as one of Childe’s subordinates) gets slapped with the duty of babysitting Teucer and covering for Childe and his façade as a toy seller in Liyue.

"I must say that your brother is quite cute, sir."

"...I guess it must run in the family."

"Hm? Did you say something, comrade?"

"Oh. Um. Nothing, sir."

Of course, being the perceptive man he is, Childe heard all of what they said. What he ends up doing or saying to the reader? Seeing the magic you’ve worked when anon previously gave you the liberty of it, I leave it entirely up to you. :)

featuring: childe x gn!reader

warnings: a teeny bit suggestive at the end

published: april 27 2021

form: imagine

a/n: i’m gonna be real with you, i was stuck on ar35 for the longest time because i was too cowardly to level up my world so i finally did it today and i jumped from 35 to 41 T_T and now my enemies are stupidly strong. but anyways i just started the childe quest today so im just gonna stick to the part when they’re still in liyue and there’s no fighting wwww

“teucer, i swear to celestia-” you muttered under your breath, as the little redhead slipped from your grasp yet again, running ahead to go look at some kite vendors. “come back here, kid! otherwise you’re gonna be in a heck of a lot of trouble!” 

earlier in the day, you were out running errands for the bank, under tartaglia’s orders, when you had come across rumors of a ruin guard running amok. figuring you would use your spare time and save some local liyue citizens the trouble of having to deal with the feral robot, you defeated the machine with efficient ease. however, in the vicinity, you discovered a lone child showing great excitement at a deactivated ruin guard, jumping and leaping while calling it “mr. cyclops” with a strange elation. 

you figured the boy was snezhnayan, what with his features and clothing reminiscent of the cold climate of your homeland. but why in the world was he out by a ruin hunter all alone? he kept mentioning his brother, a toy seller in liyue, but you could think of absolutely nobody that fit that description. 

so, out of the goodness of your own heart, you decided to take the little boy-- teucer, he called himself--back to liyue harbor with you, and see if you could find this older brother of his. 

however, once you arrived back in the city, your plans were quickly derailed as the little brat seemed to have the attention span of a fruit fly, and was constantly trying to weasel his way into some other dangerous situation without you knowing. 

“god dammit teucer”, you huffed, trying to keep up with the child. who let children have so much energy? your age must finally be catching up to you, you thought. “how about we go back to northland bank? you might like it there” you thought taking him back to your headquarters would stall the boy for enough time for you to find someone who might know the whereabouts of teucer’s brother. there weren’t too many snezhnayans in liyue--whoever his brother is, he can’t be far.

the little boy looked up at you with his big, blue puppy eyes, but you knew his act by now. “no buts, kid. if you’re lucky, we’ll be able to track down you’re brother there.” he sighed, relenting to your orders and following you back to northland bank.

the two of you climbed up the stairwell leading to the entrance of the bank on the second floor, teucer clearly dejected and pouting like a baby. exhausted, you pushed open the doors that you were so familiar with, and ushered the child inside.

much to your surprise, you see tartaglia talking with ekaterina in the lobby. it had been quite a while since you had seen your superior in person, and the surprise certainly was not unwelcome. sometimes you couldn’t stand the man’s smug attitude, yet there was something in his rogueish charisma that you simple couldnt deny attracted you to him.

teucer also seemed to be excited by this sighting of the red-headed harbinger, the little boy’s eyes lighting up with unbridled excitement.

“brother!”

wait. was tartaglia the older brother teucer had been talking about all along?

childe turned around, distracted by teucer’s voice, and upon seeing the little boy, his eyes lit up—first with surprise, then with confusion.

“teucer? what the heck are you doing here in liyue?”

he left the fatui agent with a befuddled look upon her face, and ran towards the child. teucer jumped up into his brother’s broad arms, and they grasped each other in a tight hug, like they had not seen each other for at least an eternity.

ruffling teucer’s hair, tartaglia softened, with an expression unlike anything you had really seen him wear before. he really must care about his family, you thought to yourself.

“so you’re the older brother this little tyke has been talking nonstop about”, you teased tartaglia, elbowing him in his side. “you know, he’s thrown me for a loop this entire day. i didnt think babysitting was part of the job requirement.”

the red-head chuckled abashedly, scratching his head. “sorry about that, [y/n]. the little guy can’t seem to bear being away from his favorite big brother.”

teucer laughed. he truly looked so happy to be with tartaglia again, which made you wonder what the harbinger was like when not on the job. you had known him to be a ruthless war machine, a hedonistic killer who thrived off of the rush battle and bloodshed gave him. childe could take down a dozen men, twice his size, in a matter of minutes, hardly breaking a sweat. yet seeing him interact with teucer, almost a little mini-sized version of himself, his gentleness and care surprised you. perhaps there was more to the man than you had initially thought.

teucer finally detaching himself from tartaglia, looked up at his brother with those same puppy eyes, now full of admiration. “are you here to sell toys to the liyue children, too?”, the child asked. toys? what toys could he possibly be referring to? you and ekaterina, both, looked at childe with confusion.

tartaglia stuttered for a moment. “oh! uhh— yes! yes i am! i was just talking with the nice lady, ms. ekaterina, on how many toys we can sell to all the children in liyue!” he responded, hardly missing a beat. did teucer not know what childe’s actual occupation was?

“wow! my brother really is the coolest person ever!” teucer leaped up and down, hanging onto tartaglia’s pantlegs. looking at this young, untainted innocence, you begun to understand why childe might try and shield the child from the truth.

childe detached the excitable child from his clothing, and beckoned ekaterina over. “ms. ekaterina, would you do me the grand favor of watching teucer for the rest of the day? i’d hate to burden our friend [y/n] after they have already brought him to liyue from celestia-knows-where.” he turns to teucer, telling him “big brother ajax is going to sell many, many toys now! so you need to behave yourself when i’m gone, okay? miss ekaterina will be watching you, and she’s very nice.” he pinches his brother’s cheek, teasing him lightly, and ushering him away with the fatui agent.

it’s now just you and tartaglia in the bank, as the sun was setting and all the other employees had gone home for the day. you heaved a sigh of relief, glad to be rid of baby-sitting duty, after having to deal with teucer’s antics for several hours now.

“i’m really sorry about all of that. i had no idea he would be coming, as a stowaway, no less.” the man looked at you with genuine gratitude. “i don’t want to imagine what might’ve happened to the little brat if you hadn’t been there.”

you chuckled, not quite used to seeing such sincerity coming from the harbinger. most of the time, you had been accustomed to his charismatic facade that he puts on when he becomes childe, the eleventh and one of the most dangerous members of the fatui harbingers.

“don’t worry, it really was no problem. your brother is certainly a handful, but undeniably adorable”, you said, mindlessly gathering your belongings again as you prepared to head out again. “he takes after his older brother quite a bit, i must say.”

“come again?” childe looked behind him, eyebrow cocked.

“oh— nothing. i didnt say anything”, you muttered. shit. you really need to get better at keeping your mouth shut. you refused to be known as the insolent fool with the puppy-love crush on the goddamn eleventh fatui harbinger.

“oh? that didnt really sound like nothing, my dear [y/n].” he smirked. whenever he called you “my dear”, you knew you were in for major teasing. he was definitely having fun with this. he strode towards you innocently, with that usual swagger of his, that tinted everything he did. his walk, his talk, his appearance all oozed confidence, and it was utterly intoxicating.

tartaglia now looked at you with a glint in his eye, the same look he gave enemies before he was about to utterly obliterate them. it was frightening, yet terribly alluring, and you despised how much you fell for it.

suddenly, you felt your back hit the cold, marble wall. you hadn’t even realized that tartaglia had cornered you against a gold pillar, his mere presence forcing you to unconsciously move away from him as he approached you, calculatedly. a lump growing in your throat, you couldn’t bring yourself to even utter a single word in defense, only feeling your cheeks grow hotter and your legs grow weaker.

tartaglia leaned his arm against the pillar, dangerously close to your head, effectively propping himself up with only you between him. you were far too aware of the space—or rather, the lack thereof—separating the two of you, the man’s hot breath audible in the dead, echoing silence of the golden bank.

tartaglia smirked, bringing his face close to yours. “you flatter me greatly, [y/n].” smirking, his breath grazed against your neck, his stare burning into your flesh. the way your name sounded on his lips made your breath hitched in your throat. too hot, you felt way too hot. it was impossible for a hydro user to make you feel such unbearable heat.

“seems as if your clever words aren’t of any use to you now, hmm?” you could feel the mans lips brushing against your jaw, each touch against you leaving a stinging trail. he brought his free hand to caress your own, fingers clasping yours as if you were made of a delicate porcelain, the finest kind liyue had to offer. slowly, as if dragging out each second as long as he could, tartaglia brought your hand to his lips, and planted a long, slow kiss to the back of your palm.

your eyes widened at the sheer eroticism with which he kissed your hand—an act commonly of etiquette somehow being much more lustful, even debauched when tartaglia did it. all you could feel was where his lips met your hand, the phantom burn it left, the slight string of saliva connecting his lips to your hand as he left it, the dark gaze in his eyes as he looked back up at you, clearly aware of how vulnerable you were in his grasp.

“thank you again, my dear. i hope we can continue to work together in the future.”

a/n: jesus christ this got really horny at the end LMFAO anyways i hope you like it! its kinda long but wtv

[loousir]

Soulmates {Oikawa Tooru}

Oikawa Tooru x Male Reader Part One

Anime: Haikyuu!!

Warnings: I dont think there is any?

Masterlist | Part Two

AU: Soulmates can have a different way of finding their partner. Yours is after both partners are at least 18, on the youngers birthday, they will swap bodies. They have to share their first of something together in order to return to their respective body. (Ex. Sharing their first kiss, first drink etc.)(If one has already kissed or shared a drink, for example, it wont count as sharing a first) Oikawa's is knowing what their first words to you are.

Originally Posted on February 2, 2021

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Today was finally your birthday. That meant that you would get to find out who your soulmate was. You were nervous but knew about it so you were prepared. A little.

You were getting dressed to go to school today and thankfully it was the end of the week so you'd have all weekend to find your soulmate. What nice and convenient timing. You did your morning routine before getting changed into your uniform. After pulling up you striped brown pants and adjusting your white jacket, you slipped the red tie around your neck before grabbing your things and heading downstairs.

You said a quick goodbye to your mom after stealing a toaster waffle and your lunch. You slipped on your shoes and headed out to school.

On the way there, you ran into Iwaizumi and Oikawa. You were very good acquaintances but not close enough to consider friends, like hanging at each others houses kind of friends. You and Iwaizumi shared class together but the three of you almost always walked to school together.

"Happy birthday (Y/n)-kun! You're finally 18 right?" Oikawa asked, slinging his arm around your shoulder and leaning on your slightly smaller frame. He poked your cheek gently as you ate, trying to get a reply out of you. "Shittykawa, cant you see he's eating something? Let him chew first." Oikawa pouted slightly at his "nickname" and sighed.

You finished chewing and nodded. "Yeah, I'm 18 today. I'll find out who my soulmate is tomorrow and I really hope it isn't you." You said in a serious tone as the three of you continued walking to Aoba Johsai. Oikawa whined on the way there with Iwaizumi butting in to shut him up.

The trio finally made it to school and went their separate ways, aka you and Iwaizumi in one and Oikawa right next door.

---

The day started and went on normally til lunch.

Iwaizumi and Oikawa usually go to their practice but today they invited you to eat with them. You accepted not exactly knowing why.

"So (Y/n)-kun~ Who do you think is your soulmate?" You shrugged as you ate your bento, glancing up at Oikawa. "You really wanna know?" You asked taking another bite. Oikawa nodded as he ate his own bento. Iwaizumi smirked over to you as he ate his lunch as well. "You should tell him (L/n)-san."

"I hope it turns out to be Kageyama."

Oikawa practically snorted out his drink and stared at you in shock. "You cant be serious?! Him?!" You laughed at the water running down his face and shook your head. You grabbed a napkin you had and wiped the pretty setters face. "Of course not."

Oikawa let out a sigh of relief. "I'd want Daichi to be my soulmate." You said in a dreamy tone as Oikawa choked on his rice. Iwaizumi had nothing today besides laughing at the scene in front of him. Oikawa leaned on his good knee over to you and gripped your shoulders. He shook you gently as he cried, saying something about 'anyone but the wingless crows.'

Iwaizumi pulled him off you after a minute and scolded him. You finished up your bento and checked your phone. There was 40 minutes of lunch left when you looked to the best friends. "So, what did you guys invite me to hang for?" Iwaizumi looked over to you and tilted his head slightly. "Are we not allowed to invite a friend to hang out?"

You leaned back on your hands and closed your eyes, letting your head fall backwards. "You are, it's just, weird. The Cap and vice Cap of the volleyball team invite a lowly art club member to hang out at lunch together. Sounds a bit odd doesnt it?"

Iwaizumi nodded and Oikawa didnt respond. You lifted your head up to see Oikawa a bit of a distance away, surrounded by a flock of girls. "Its your turn to pull him away. I'm gonna go check something." You sighed and stood up.

"Hey, shittykawa." Oikawa instantly turned around at the nickname and his fan girls became upset with you calling him that. "(Y/n)-kun~ You're taking after Iwaizumiii~" He said walking over to you. "And we were supposed to be hanging out." You said acting all coy. "You promised me we would this morning..." You whispered just loud enough for everyone to hear.

The girls were jealous and talking amongst themselves as Oikawa just looking at you, shocked. He had a deep blush covering his cheeks as you folded your hands together in front of you and looked to the ground with a pout. "(Y/n)-kun..." You looked up to him with puppy dog eyes. He suddenly wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into a tight hug.

"(Y/N)-KUN! IM SO SORRY!" He said as if he actually forgot he promised you to hang out. You smiled and giggled, gently prying him off of you. You grabbed his hand and started to walk with him. "C'mon. Let's go back to our spot." You said as you watched the lady flock disperse. Oikawa followed along, apologizing for forgetting a promise he never made.

Once the two of you were alone you sighed and let go of his hand. "Oikawa." He shut up and looked up to you with teary eyes. "You didnt promise me we'd hang out. Its ok." You may be mean to Oikawa but theres something about him that you love. You just cant be mean to him all the time... Ok yes you can but sometimes you want to be nice to him.

Oikawa smiled and pulled you into a hug again. You cautiously hugged back and patted his back. The bell signaling lunch was over rang and the two of you pulled away. "I'll stop by the gym after school to say a quick goodbye." You said grabbing yours and Iwaizumis stuff. Oikawa nodded and grabbed his stuff as well. He had a big smile on his face for some reason but you just brushed it off.

The rest of the day passed by pretty quickly. You had told Iwaizumi about stopping for a quick bye and he said, "Just be prepared for Oikawa." You didnt exactly know what the meant because you always were but before you could ask he had left for practice.

Once you were ready, you head down to the gym and pulled open the door. The lights were off and you furrowed your brows. "I thought there was practice today..." You mumbled to yourself.

Suddenly the lights turned on to show they gym and the volleyball team to be all dressed in nice birthday attire. You only stared shocked at the scene in front of you as the all shouted, "Surprise!" Oikawa appeared in front of your vision with a wide grin on his face and a small gift in his hand.

You blinked a few times and looked up to his eyes before looking to Iwaizumi who was approaching the two of you. "Y-you guys... Did this for me?" You asked, still surprised by what happened. Iwaizumi shrugged and tilted his head to the side saying 'kinda.' "It was Oikawa's idea."

Oikawa smiled and grabbed one of your hands, putting the gift in it. Iwaizumi put a party hat on your head before walking over to a table full of sweets and a cake. "Can I talk to you outside for a second?" You asked Oikawa. He smiled and lead the two of you outside the gym and away from prying ears.

"What did you wanna talk to me about?" You held the gift in your hand and pulled him into a tight hug. He stood tense for a moment before hugging back. "What's this for?" Oikawa asked with a small laugh. You buried your head in his chest and started to tremble slightly. He demeanor changed when he felt his shirt get slightly wet. "H-hey, (Y/n)? Are you ok?"

You nodded and kept hugging him. He hugged back and gently stroked the back of your head. "No ones ever done something like this before. So it's kinda a lot." You said clearly, having calmed down from your previous state. Oikawa laughed and pulled the two of you away to look you in the eyes.

"Really? Well then I'll have to step it up next time!" You smiled up to him softly before sadly looking down to your shoes. "I'm nervous Kawa..." His smile fades away to a sigh. "Me too." You look up to him in confusion. "I... Really hope tomorrow, I'll wake up in your body, Tooru..." He looks to your eyes and he has tears in this.

Dont ruin this moment shittykawa

"Me too."

You look up to him and smile a little. "C'mon, let's go back inside and par-tay a little before it's too late!" Oikawa said with a smile as he dragged you back inside. You saw Iwaizumi standing by a punch bowl with a knowing smirk but you didnt think much of it.

---

Everyone had hung around and "par-tay"-ed till about 7pm. They decided to call it there and start cleaning up. You tried to help but both Oikawa and Iwaizumi stopped you. "Why dont you and Oikawa head back first? The least we can do is clean up."

"But you guys did all this for me, I have to try to help even a little." Iwaizumi put your things over your shoulder and pushed you to an already raring to go Oikawa. "Just head home. Its ok." Oikawa gently grabbed your hand but you stopped and addressed the whole team.

They had paused to look at you and listen. You bowed and thanked them, your bow hiding the tears in your eyes. You stood up straight and smiled to them before going with an impatient Oikawa.

---

The walk to your home was filled with comfortable conversation about the party. "Hey, (Y/n)-kun? Could we have a sleepover at your house?" You looked up to him and tilted your head slightly. "Like the whole team? That's a lot of people and I dont know if my parents would even let me since there away right now-"

"No, not the whole team. Just us." You blushed at what he said and looked away, slightly embarrassed for rambling. "Oh... J-just the two of us?" He nodded and you just shrugged. "I-I guess thats... Ok. I dont think they'll mind." You said rubbing the back of your neck. "Let's goo then!" Oikawa said, dragging you to your house.

Once you two arrived, you unlocked the door and let him in. "Your house is so much bigger on the inside." He said looking around. "Wow thanks." He laughed, "I didnt mean it in a bad way!" You rolled your eyes and walked upstairs to your room thinking, "How the fuck does this dude make me flustered so easily..."

You didnt even realize Oikawa had followed you, thinking he would just stay downstairs for the time being. When you turned around to close the door you jumped at his presence. "I-Im gonna change so you can just hang out downstairs till I'm done." He smiled and gently rubbed the back of his head before asking, "Do you think I could use your shower actually?"

"Oh, yeah, go for it. It's the door behind you." You said pointing over his shoulder. He thanked you as you got him a towel he could use. You closed the door to your room and got changed into some comfy pjs. The shower could be heard through your door but you didnt mind and decided to make yourself comfortable on your bed and watch some tv.

After a few minutes, the shower turned off and after another couple minutes, the door opening to reveal a shirtless Oikawa wearing sweatpants. You looked over only to look away just as fast. Oikawa smirked and jumped into the bed with you. You squeaked a very manly squeak as he hovered over you.

Your eyes looked up to his but couldn't be stopped when they looked at his chest. 'A tattoo?' You looked back up to him and asked, "You have a tattoo? Since when?" He just smiled and shook his head. "Since I was like twelve. Look what it says." He said sitting the two of you up. Oikawa was basically sitting on your lap but you didnt mind.

'You're in the way, stupid trashcan.'

It was written in beautiful cursive. You smiled and tried not to laugh but couldn't help it. Oikawa watched as the love of his life laughed at the first words he ever said to him.

"I said that when we first met! Did you really get it tattooed on your chest?" Oikawa rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Its illegal to get a tattoo when your twelve." You tilted your head slightly. "Then how did you get it?" He looked at you unamused before becoming nervous. This made you nervous too as he laid the both of you down in your bed.

"(Y/n)... Did you study soulmates?" You nodded and asked why. "Theres a chapter about two soulmates having different ways of finding eachother." You nodded again and tried to process the information but he spoke again. "Mine was the first words they say to you are tattooed somewhere on your body."

You looked at him and fully processed everything. It clicked. "Is that why you... Did all this stuff for me over the last year? W-why didn't you say something sooner?" He glanced out the window and seemed nervous again. "Theres a chance that you can actually have a different soulmate than me..." You furrowed your brows and sat up to look at him.

He didnt look at you and just glanced out the window. "What do you mean by that?" He looked over to you and directly in your eyes. "When we both have different ways of meeting our soulmate, theres a chance that you could have a different soulmate even though you're mine."

"That means when we wake up tomorrow... I wouldn't be hugging you, but your soulmate... And... I dont want that."

Oikawa looked away and you just looked at him shocked. "You're so weird out of character." You said leaning down and pulling him into a hug, laying on top of him in the process. "I'm being serious y'know..." You nod and nuzzle your face into his neck.

"I know. I dont want something like that to happen either." He shifted so that he could look at you properly and cupped your face. His eyes held clear care and adoration.

"Let's sleep now, and if I dont wake up to you tomorrow... I'll find you ok?"

--- 2552 Not proof read too well