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omgwhatchloe · 4 months ago

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but what if i ask really nicely for more into on brain injury sean au

then i suppose…IF YOU INSIST…i might be compelled…

-first things first in this au sean has to change where EXACTLY he was walking on the ground on rhodes to alter where the bullet goes. one tiny half-step to the right when he turns, along with the shooter aiming just that tiny bit higher, and he gets shot through the skull, but survives.

now im not going to go into a lot of detail about where the bullet is in the brain and why he is reacting like this etc etc because even after research i dont know the ins and outs of it, so we’ll focus a lot more on his behaviour.

-so after the position of the shot is altered, they all expect him to be dead. miraculously, he is still alive on the floor of rhodes, but heavily unconscious. he is unconscious for two and a half weeks after they try their best to heal him. poor leopold strauss was NOT about to do any brain surgery and the bullet had to be left there. when he actually woke up, everyone was relieved and crowding him. however, he didnt say a word, he barely looked at them. he just laid where he was, staring, until they started to help him up and try to speak to him. within a few days, he had healed to his limit, meaning he could walk and start to move very uncoordinated.

-sean mumbles a lot unintelligibly to no one in particular. he doesnt speak intelligibly or respond when he’s spoken too, he doesnt even know someone is speaking to him. he opens his mouth when they try to feed him but wont make a single effort to feed himself as if he doesnt know how too. sometimes he can refuse to chew if he doesnt like the texture or taste, which is very often. he chews and swallows to fast, and it causes worry he will choke himself. he can technically walk but will not unless someone is actively moving him from one spot to another, so he has no urges to take care of himself and would spend all his time staring and mumbling if alone. he does sometimes reach his arms up to push at the people around him (not hard at all) but this pretty much means nothing, it doesnt mean he wants them to leave or is showing any sort of affection. when he gets angry suddenly, which can be often, he yells and hits (not very well) the people around him trying to calm him down. he can be calmed by having his face stroked, interestingly he doesnt care who does it. he cries too, when his mouth is being burnt by the food or he is just uncomfortable, like after an accident in which no one has tried to help him. when he cries, it can either be just completely silent tears like he doesnt know hes crying, or it can be accompanied by wailing.

-he also clenches his fists, pushes things in front of him around, pulls his own or others hair, kicks the dirt under him and chews when theres nothing in his mouth absentmindedly.

-of course, the gang are not caregivers. theyre murderers, outlaws or just very uneducated people. they try their best to take care of him for the first week after he wakes up, but sean has multiple accidents because no one tries to help him with ‘using the bathroom’ (well not really using a bathroom because theyre in the woods but yk what i mean). they have things they need to do and a lot of their plates are full even without sean, no one particularly WANTS to care for him, as awful as it may seem. they become easily frustrated at the complete lack of cooperation from him, even if it isnt his fault. they also become angry at each other around the whole situation.

-when sean gets upset or ignored in someone elses care, they rush to blame and berate each other about it. but the big elephant in the room is they do not want to be his caregiver, no one does. karen tried her best, but got quickly frustrated and angry at him, causing him to cry when yelled at (this was because it was a loud noise close to him, absolutely nothing to do with what she was saying). lenny got angry at her, and took over, only for find himself incredibly tired and frustrated within a few hours. despite being his partners/ex-partners, they feel helpless with him. they dont know why hes upset or what he wants most of the time, which means they cant help him. after a few days of lenny trying to help sean, prevent accidents, watch over him, cleaning him up, he actually walked out of camp. he spent a few days alone in the quiet because he genuinely couldn’t stand the camp or caring for sean anymore.

-he loved sean so much, but he couldnt stand the mumbling and the whining and the constant taps and hits. it was overwhelming, and he realised he couldnt do it. he couldn’t be his caregiver, he knew karen couldnt, he knew the women of the camp couldnt because they simply didnt know how too and got frustrated too. the men of the camp would never…so who? thats when he started to realise, along with everyone else, sean could not stay with them like this.

-so where would he go? that was the conversation, with many different arguments. only a few argued they could keep sean, but they were easily persuaded to change their minds. there was unfair suggestions, like dumping him on the side of the road. that was from micah, and he had the support of john, uncle and bill. eventually they decided he needed to be taken to an asylum or left at a state hospital, as sending him somewhere he’d be actually looked after was expensive and not guaranteed. micah had also suggested putting him down but was thankfully denied.

-lenny debating leaving with sean, becoming his caregiver, and he was really going to do it, until he actually cared for sean again for the next day and could barely leave him for a second. when he finally napped, lenny realised he himself had barely eaten, he hadnt touched his books, done his hair, or had any time for himself since he’d disappeared. god he wanted to care for sean but he just couldnt. the vision of their cottage he made up, where he cared for sean happily…while actually being happy…was unrealistic he realised. he’d always be angry and bored, and couldnt trust himself not to run away. he loved sean, he really did, he still wanted to cup his face and hold him close, but he couldn’t. a vital part of their previous relationship was dead with seans condition, and the rest was dying. sean didnt even recognise lenny, or any of them. he knew that for a fact because micah had bothered sean to get under his skin, sitting near him and trying to get his attention, and sean didnt react.

-the day before arthur was going to take him to a state hospital, their attitudes towards him changed. they had less frustration, more motivation, because they knew it was the last time theyd see and care for him. it made them feel a little uneasy when they thought of where he’d end up, with lenny feeling the worst about it. he still debated taking him and leaving the gang, but he knew he couldnt. he knew it would be the end of his life, his freedom, if he tried to care for him alone. but god the whole thing was killing him.

-they fed sean peaches, which he actually almost seemed to enjoy. he didnt spit anything out, though still lightly hit whoever was feeding him. he had no accidents that day, and napped mostly. he sat with the girls while they tidied him up, and spoke to him (with no response back). lenny read to him, even if he showed absolutely no interest and stared away from him. that night, they had a goodbye party and all actually paid attention to him, yes, dealing with him was easy that day, but that was because he was their main focus when normally he is not.

-ok lets end on a fluffy note where he sits with arthur and ‘watches’ his sketch. he enjoys the sound of the pencil against the pages, and seems to be almost smiling. they think he likes the sound of javier’s guitar, as he plays him a song. bill tries to give him whisky but is told no, but they do laugh when he tries too. lenny puts his arm around him and shifts his position so sean is cuddling into him. he falls asleep like that.

-he wakes the next day being kissed goodbye on the forehead by the girls as hes placed into the wagon. lenny sits in the back with him, holding him close. karen could barely bring herself to say goodbye. hosea and arthur drive, with hosea telling stories about sean when he first joined, especially his favourite, where sean got caught cheating at cards and stormed off to his bedroll. they had to lure him out and convince him to play again, and they promised to actually teach him how to play (as arthur had lied multiple times to him about the rules so he could win, poor sean didnt even know he was cheating.)

-they then arrive at the hospital, in ‘desperate need of aid as their friend has a bullet trapped in his head’.

#ask #rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #red dead redemption two #red dead fandom #sean macguire #sean rdr2 #lenny summers #arthur morgan #macsummers #im sorry.#i am sorry for this #sean macguire brain damaged au

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finalexit · 1 month ago

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mouthwashing spoilers, thoughts

the results of the poll are still coming in because i left it open for a week, but wow i'm mildly surprised(ish) with the responses so far!

my first (and current) assumption is that curly knew, on some level, what jimmy was about to do [the crash] and essentially gave him his go ahead. it's such a startling conversation, even if you already know jimmy is the one who did it, because he lays the plan out for curly plain as day. and it's not just that curly does nothing to stop it; he essentially agrees that it's the best way forward.

and like, yes, the elephant in the room is that jimmy was manipulating curly. i'm not ignoring that fact at all. curly was being manipulated and he still allowed the crash to happen (literally) right in front of his face.

i know some people just don't see it this way, but i think it's interesting to imagine that curly did know exactly what jimmy was proposing because it feels like a louder, harder to ignore version of what curly did to anya.

it isn't that curly underestimates jimmy. he knows jimmy is capable of raping anya because he knows that he did, in fact, do that. but the problem is that he doesn't see rape as something that is severe enough to warrant action. he doesn't see someone who would rape another human being as someone that should be feared and guarded against.

in this case, i don't think curly is just going along with jimmy to appease him. he's listening to what jimmy is saying, which is essentially "you will be [unfairly] blamed for the fact that i raped anya" and instead of getting angry at jimmy for raping her in the first place or at himself for allowing it to happen, he is agreeing with jimmy that it's better not to go home and face the consequences of those actions

i think the fact that curly knew what was about to happen is showing that allowing something like the crash to happen, not just as a leader but as a human being, is not a passive act but an active one. and, in turn, his allowing anya to be raped and not stepping in to defend her or give her the means to defend herself is an active choice

he knew, and he essentially said: It's okay.

that all said, i don't think curly is an irredeemable monster, but it seems like there's this pull in the fandom (for some people) to not acknowledge the full weight of curly's complicity. to some people, curly is just a guy who didn't know what to do and was too scared of jimmy or else wasn't aware of what he was capable of. and the latter part is true to an extent, yeah. but in the sense that curly didn't realize jimmy was a dangerous person because he doesn't see a rapist as a dangerous person or else refuses to acknowledge that jimmy is one of those people even while fully knowing what he's done.

i don't know. i think that's important to acknowledge, especially when the trauma of rape is what the game centers around while also keeping it in the periphery. the absence of acknowledgment of anya's rape is the loudest silence ever.

and this isn't an argument that curly is Just As Bad as jimmy or that you should hate curly as much as you hate jimmy. im pointing it out bc, if you like curly, it's an important part of his personality that's worth examining. why erase it?

anyway, that's not to say that he DEFINITELY knew that jimmy was gonna crash the tulpar. i personally think he knew on some level and was resigned to it being the best option (until hearing the alarms made the reality set in), preferable to being held accountable for not protecting anya. but either way, i think this part of curly that would lead to ignoring anya's trauma is something worth talking about. so many people already are but there are also a lot of people who don't seem to register the severity of curly's actions

anyway here's a link to a twitter thread i rlly liked abt this: https://x.com/magionline_/status/1846693115865735205?t=RRAhjsWQe_Lcfknl7PrMPA&s=19

#mouthwashing #mouthwashing spoilers #tw rape #this is very rambly i didnt think that hard abt how to structure this sorry #angel.txt

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kael-writ · 8 months ago

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Im kinda obsessed with what Adrian Clairmont's backstory could possibly be. He was a "wicked, wicked man" Before Christ, but he did make bishop. And he is extremely fanatical. So he had to have sinned just enough in a certain capacity that still allowed him to be ordained in the Catholic church. Assuming he didn't lie (seems improbable that he wouldn't confess all openly in the sacrament of Confession as a true believer does). It's unlikely that means he was a criminal, at least not convicted.

If he had been a soldier that would be a very interesting BG because it would give him the ability to have done things like kill people that in no other circumstances could he have done openly and been ordained, and also it dovetails into his work as a Hunter. It makes sense he would be so good at it with that BG. But Im not sure that fits with how he speaks of a military vs a faith organization.

Adrian is, ofc, also just a very manipulative vampire conversion therapist. He could mean any number of things. He isn't necessarily particularly honest at this point.

He is bound for Perdition and still serving The Lord, so there is probably a baseline of personal conviction against outright lying but some allowance of all sorts of sin to get the job done. He clearly is willing to lie based on some of his actions, it just seems like he would consider that a sin to be used only in necessity.

There is also the question of why he was ex-communicated, what specific vampire hunter action he took that was forbidden. Or if simply being a vampire hunter period was the offense. Even though that is historic to the church in this fiction. What activities has he done with Society of Leopold /Gladius Dei or whatever organizations that would get him excommunicated?

Why does he believe he has no way to escape hell? Ex-communication in contemporary Catholicism is not condemnation to hell, it's not even necessarily permanent. It does mean you can't take sacrament in the community. But in contemporary Catholicism, God will forgive any repentant sinner. Perhaps the implication is that he has chosen to be unrepentant of sin and continue in sin just to fight vampires.

And again, he is extremely fanatical. An unwavering true believer. A committed servant of the lord. To the point of, arguably, matrydom. Yet disobeying god and the church to sacrifice his own soul for the cause?

Just a fascinating character study. Compellingly performed, but also brilliantly created to begin with. I think the backstory being unknown is certainly not a weakness, but it does effectively make you wonder about it, and thirst for more.

(CW: child sexual abuse mention here: For good reason, the fiction of the show obviously doesn't talk about the "elephant in the room" about the most notoriously evil thing that Catholic priests have gotten away with recently (CSA) because that's extremely fuckin triggering, it's not something anyone wants to think about while enjoying a ttrpg, but it's nonetheless hard to ignore that this is the organization we're talking about, and placing that past beside them both producing and ex-communicating vampire hunters draws into question what it takes for a bishop to get ex-communicated and why.)

#Adrian Clairmont #LA By Night #vampire the masquerade #brennan lee mulligan #TW CSA Mention #(in parenthesis at end)

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onmymasa22 · 2 months ago

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Is it normal that when a professor asks u on a test u take at 3am what ur opinion is on an artist who made grotesque works, that u think he's ok, but u wouldn't want a huge sculpture of a naked pantsed man made out of faulty bullets in ur living room cuz it just doesn't go with ur color scheme...

Go travel and photograph the world. I dont want to make people envious of my life. I want people to feel like they are loved.

I came across a video of someone making candles. And a rush of memories went through me. I was in the mountains in California the summer after highschool working at a camp. I was running an activity for candle making. And i fell in love with it. The suitcase i brought home probably had 20 long havdalah candles in it. A lifetime supply, in colors like purple, red, yellow, blue. Today i remembered telling a friend all those years ago that honestly all i wanted in life was to live in tzfat, wear those elephant pants, and make candles all day.

Its the one place where its easy to listen to myself. Like everywhere in life, im self concouse. And the things im most self conscious aboit, others love the most. Amd i cant see the beauty in it. But when i paint, i love my own mistakes. I see beauty in the me, just being me. I see what i feel others must see. Because its just me and the painting. Its a very intimate relationship. And every painting serves a different relationship. I just have a love affair with art.

I dont always listen to myself. And most of the time i prefice what i say with "i think...", instead of "i know". But my relationship with art is special. I can listen to myself. I like the mistakes because they're mine, and they are the proof that i tried.

Some conversations are beneath you. When people want to talk about things that

Tal

I think i might have a love affair woth art. I love many things, but sometimes it feels like painting loves me back. It accepts me fully, however i show up. Its a conversation- me and the canvas. it listens to everything i say abd everything i dont say. In a world that makes me constantly second guess myself or ignore me entirely, art lets me go with my intuition. Thats the feel many feel wirh the blank camvas. That theyll be wrong. And soending more time painting, ive learned to trust myself. Ive become more confident. And its the one place i can let myself just be.

Drugs effect fhe brain. So what i would say is- i dont want my kids to do drugs till 25. Wait till thr brain finishes then decide

We all need that friend who makes us soup when we're sick. That when we call and say our nose is like a fountain, she says "I'm making soup, come over", and you sit in her tiny kitchen, with mismatched everything, and talk out all your stress. The friend who, when u say ur stopping by, she puts up the kettle for coffee and has almond milk in the fridge just for you, because she knows you don't do dairy. The friend who is always willing to lend you her clothes or perfume, she just wants to know how your night goes in return. That you come, lay on the carpet in her room, and give her all the juicy details. The friend who plays happy music in the morning, but also will play rock and dance it out with u on her roof at midnight. The friend who lets you hug her for as long as you need. The friend who ends every phone call and meetup with "I love you". May we know her, may we be her.

I might not know ur name. Because i know ur soul, and thats what is important to me. I know whether u like coffee with real milk or fake. I remember what mug u chose s

Know that the mug u choose, is the mug ill remember

Im the kind of person who doesnt remember names. But ill remember ur dreams. Ill remember what ur siblings are up to and ask about them the next time u mention family. Ill remember whether u have coffee with cows milk or almond milk. Or whether u drink coffee or tea. Ill remember which mug u chose so the next time u come ill take a different one and give u that

Rain books museums tea music poetry acedimia letters art sweaters

start singing zemiros, and shalom aleichem gets stuck in ur head?

I want something about esther

Why

I want to do something witn the beacg. Where people can have headphones on and just speak. Like noone else is there with u. I want to be better with hitbonenut and hitbodedut. Just to be in any of these places and then to just go to the next. Places. Every place is just .

When u watch a clip of a movie and it looks like the sweetest romcom... so u look up what its rated and turns out its actually about cannibalism, and wikipedias explanation of the plot is too gory for u, cuz ur the kinda person who covers ur eyes in half of the disney tarzan movie... ALWAYS look up what movies are about, cuz they made a- silence of the lamb-esc movie look like- when harry met sally

cant get through disneys tarzan with the tiger without covering ur eyes

... and ur scared this is gonna be like the night u didnt sleep cuz u saw a documentary on sociopath psychology.

So entering year 4 of art school. And my parents are having the "so whats next for you" convo with me. Cuz ive been bouncing around with stuff just experiencing life. It's been a long chapter of me just going with my gut, and whatever idea hashem puts in my head. Since i got out of highschool, thats how my life has been. And its been great. Im always exactly where im supposed to be. And the "so whats next" is freaking scary. And i always know that my life has a way of working everything out. This past year, i did something ive done and yet never did before. I like old people, like a lot. But more than that, i like dealing with old people who are sick or have special needs. Its a small niche, i know, but its my niche. This past year, every sunday, i taught a cooking class in hebrew with another woman, to adults, between 20 and 90 with mental health issues. People who are on disability due to something issue with mental health or divergence- schizophrenia, bipolar, ocd, adhd depression, tourettes, mental slowness, dementia. And ive fallen inlove with it. I feel like not only has everything worked out, but hashem made everything stepping stones. My whole life has been stepping stones. And i guess its like- what do thise stepping stones look like. Every one is different.

Theres something special about people who let u just be. Where when u come over, they put the kettle up and ask if u want coffee or tea. Who let u just sit cuz u want a break from the world. Where u know that around them, its a safe space. I try to be that kind of person. And in me being that person, my dog comes into the room and i immediately turn on the airconditioning.

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dnalkaline · 10 months ago

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ugh nobody actually has to read this i just feel like i need to type all my thoughts out somewhere or i'll explode.

I know like 9-12k$ isn't like impossible to get but it feels so daunting and i know barely anyone will reblog or donate to my GFM if i made one (as always happens for my medical shit. even for my pets) so idk what the fuck do even do about this. I'm trying not to be cynical about it but that's just been the running theme since. literally my entire life. i don't even know why i bother anymore

Honestly i have no hope for my future if that shit grows back and leaves me in the same amount of pain as someone going through labor multiple times a year AGAIN i think i will actually kill myself for real. im sick of this shit.

like this isn't even a dysphoria thing it's something that could ACTUALLY kill me through blood clots and nobody in my life IRL even fucking cares. My mom has enough money to just pay for a hysterectomy out of pocket for me without it being a huge deal to her and she just fucking won't and just keeps telling me to harass my insurance about it despite this being months of back-and-forth and i can already feel my endo symptoms growing back.

My insurance flat-out told me they'll only approve it if it keeps growing back and i have to go through surgery to remove it multiple times. This isn't even counting the fact I also have CYSTS that need to be removed because they're also causing pain and my insurance just... won't fucking approve it

The symptoms are already coming back after my most recent surgery and I'm still having periods despite the fact I'm POST-MENOPAUSE.

I don't understand why people keep preventing me from committing suicide just to not actually help me with the reasons why I keep trying to kill myself. it feels cruel. People say to reach out or whatever and then go radio silent. it feels so performative. I don't even mean that i expect my friends to give me money because i know everyone has problems but it feels like i keep being ignored and people make a point to not even reblog my help posts. It's always like the same 3 people getting in touch.

at this rate i hope i die. everyone keeps telling me it'll get better and i just have to go on but my entire life is me getting out of the frying pan and into the fire. Therapy hasn't been helping anymore because all the depression isn't like trauma shit it's just the poverty and the fact life keeps actively trying to get me killed by any means necessary all the time. I'm exhausted.

I'm tired of being the sick friend that's treated like the elephant in the room just because i can't fucking do anything and every inch of my life is just another walking trigger warning to people. I've become self conscious about needing to walk with mobility aids now because I feel like it's just another reminder of my fragility and inevitable demise to people.

I just don't fucking get it. i metaphorically break my back all the time to help other people with their shit but i barely get anything in return (except from the same few ppl i mentioned earlier and i am very grateful you guys are real friends). like. am i doing something wrong. am i just an unlikable person. i know people think i'm scary which i try to offset by being nice but i don't know if it's working.

I'm only alive right now because all of the fucking demon pacts and other spirit work i do causing me to avoid stuff and get more opportunities and I feel stupid about it because that's not even stuff that most people believe in and can't even be proven to be real.

i dont even know where im going with this im tired and i want to give up. fuck life. i actively despise life most of the time. I guess I just have to keep clinging to my blorbos i dont fucking know. whatveer.

#suicide mention tw #null rambles

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noritoshiikamo · 4 years ago

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lunch date

part 2 of this childhood friend drabble (ok fr frshould i name this childhood friend series or public sex series bcs hmm you'll see) pairing: gojo satoru + fem!reader genre: smut bcs i think with my hand down my pants when i see gojo tags//warning: established relationship public sex, gojo thinking with dick part 2, mention of breeding kink tagging: @unabashednightmarepizza @sukirichi @sassyeahhhh [lemme know if wanna be tagged in the next part] note: the obligatory trio of mine: unedited, lowercase intended, the obligatory trio of mine: not well edited, lowercase intended, english isnt my first language im sorry if i murder it.

“toru- ah, that hurts!”

his grip to her thighs tightened, “shhh, they can hear you.”

when gojo satoru suggested that they have lunch together, she happily accepted. she didn't suspected anything odd of his behavior. he was so kind to offer to bring her something over and she has been so stressed with her works, she just accepted it with no questions. it was the first text she’d replied after ignoring his many messages and calls.

it has been two weeks since the staircase incident and she started to suspect that he knew that she was actively trying to avoid him for almost a week. she knows gojo satoru like the back of her own hand, she knows he will not forget his promises, and he will hold against her until he gets it. their newly blossomed relationship was doing okay until he popped the question out so casually as she cooked. she couldn’t forget the look on his face.

“so, when are we going to have a baby?” his question that freaked her out lingered in her mind.

a baby

what was she thinking? she smacked her head on the table. “you could’ve asked for a house, or his black card, or something else. but a baby?” her voice strained.

“yes?” the hair on her back stood at the familiar deep voice.

she looked up so fast, her head spun to see her door opened wide. sara, her colleague stood with a slight frown on her face and on her side, gojo satoru. he wore teasing smile, traded his blindfold for his glasses and he looked different. he wore a white dress shirt, sleeves rolled up with a pair of black pants and boots. his outfit looked simple and minimalistic, but don’t be fooled. she knew his shirt costs about the same as her monthly rent.

i can’t believe i picked a baby over his black card, her mind cried at the thoughts.

“i’ve tried stopping him,” sara explained, a glare on her face. he interjected. “i don’t need appointment to see my girlfriend,” gojo stepped inside, holding the door. “girlfriend?” sara questioned. she couldn’t help but to feel satisfied at the reaction her assistant’s face held.

“she gave you, her number?” she asked, one night where he came over. the bed sheet wrapped around her bare body as her eyes raked up and down satoru’s own bare body as he leaned against the headboard. his eyes shut close with his arms flexed behind his head. a small satisfactory smile on his face as he said, “right after telling me that you like me.”

“that bitch,” she hissed, gritting her teeth.

“y/n chan,” his eyes opened, a teasing smirk grew on his face. he leaned forward, the blanket pooled around his waist as he cupped her face in his hand, “didn’t see you as a jealous kind.”

it wasn’t that fact that she was jealous that sara is actively into gojo. she was fuming at her assistant for divulging her personal matter to him. that part first, and then maybe she was a little jealous. but then, sara was the reason she finally gets the guy she’s been waiting for; so at the end she still wins. sara will remain a bitch for a reason.

“it’s okay, we are having lunch together. you can leave,” she dismissed her, rubbing her strained eyes. gojo happily slammed the door shut.

“so, wanna tell me why you’re avoiding me?”

she sighed, her fingers ghosting over the keyboard, his presence has disturbed her mind, “i’m not. i-i’m busy.”

he sat on her chair, crossing his legs as he rested his lanky body against the chair. “you can’t even look at me. what is it?” he asked. her finger stopped above the enter key. she wanted to press it, but she can’t. something is holding her back. she knew what he’s doing. she sighed in defeat and turned to face the elephant in the room. her brows frowned when she realised; “where’s the food?” she asked staring at the empty table.

“huh?”

“lunch? you told me we are having lunch?” she frowned. this idiot did not just suggest that they’ll have lunch together, show up at her office without the promised food. gojo looked at her sheepishly, a small smile on his face.

“oh, that. yeah, i just want an excuse to see you,” his small smile turned sinister as he lolled his head to the side, “you could be my lunch.”

her face pressed against the glass window overlooking the city. her floor wasn’t that high, they could see the streets bellow and the office in front of them. she repeatedly told him that they can’t do this. “they can see us,” she panicked, despite being delirious from his kisses as she let him unbutton her shirt. but a few kisses later, her skirt hiked up, panties in his pocket and his dick hitting her cervix roughly, she was convinced.

“you think you can come for me six times?” he heaved, lips against her bare shoulder, accentuating his words with his every thrust, “six for the amount of days you've ignored me. another five to go, buttercup. should be easy.”

his hand trailed down her chest, her belly until he found her neglected clit. a gentle tap of her bundle of nerves had her throwing her hair back. she was about to come undone; he could feel it from the way she was desperately clamping down on his length and her whining. tears streaming down her face as she bit down on her lips to hold herself from screaming, she could taste blood. her body shuddered, her sweaty skin leaving marks on the glass and the way he just mewled against her ears, praising her made her legs buckled.

he was quick to catch her, hands gripping her waist.

they moved to the desk, pushing all her files and pens aside as he laid her down. he showered her with kisses, slowly trailing them down to her cunt. he eyed her glistening slit, mouth watered. grabbing her legs, he held it open, she whined at the feeling of his warm breath ghosting over her. “satoru, i can’t,” she moaned at the first lick, her hand pressed on his head trying to get away, but he held her tight. “n-no more, ah fuck, fuck!” she could feel his eyes on her, watching her every reaction as his tongue worked their ways. the feeling on his teeth grazing her clit, the tip of her tongue teasing around her entrance, before slipping in.

she tasted so good; it was more pleasurable for him than her. she looked pretty squirming to get away as he held her tighter, tongue darting in and out. overstimulation was hitting her full force and she was high in pleasure. her brain couldn’t comprehend; between the feeling of his breath against her slit, his tongue fucking her, his calloused palms against her waist and the sound he was making. she didn’t give two fucks if the office heard them fucking.

“close, fuck, toru i want-” her words cut off by her own moan.

his tongue switched, sucking on her swollen clit as his finger took over the fucking. it didn’t take long for her to gush out. her head was pounding, his words went in one ear and out the another. he stood up, drools and her fluid covered his chin and onto his bare chest. he helped her sat, she was beyond exhausted. the feeling of his fingers brushing her hair back brought back to the office, she looked up to him with her eyes half drooped. a soft chuckle escaped his lips as he pressed it on hers. “you okay?” he whispered, planting kisses after kisses. “i miss you so much,” he cooed.

“miss you,” was all she could mustered out.

“did i scare you? with the baby talk?” he asked, pulling her in his arms. truth be told, seducing her into fucking in front of the glass window wasn’t the actual reason gojo was here. but her words were just so inviting, he doesn’t mind a little detour. she tasted delicious. she mumbled something against his chest, but he was sure it was a maybe.

“i thought you wanted it.”

she pouted, finally the first sentence her brain could scrambled, “maybe i change my mind.”

“that’s why you ran away from me? you’re scared?” he tilted her head up, his heart warmed at the little pout she had on, “oh buttercup, i won’t lie. the thoughts of you all round and milky with my child is turning me on-” not a lie, because she could feel his cock pressing against her slit, “but it’s okay. one day i’ll change your mind but for now, i’m fine with a little practise now.” she groaned against his lips as she felt his tip slipped in, stretching her once again.

this one was quicker, she was already sobbing mess, clutching desperately on his chest as he chased his high.

the deeper he pushed into her, the faster he had to circle her clit. he’s not a selfish lover, he wants her to feel as good as him too, despite being borderline torturous as she was clearly an overstimulated mess. “you’re so good to me,” he hummed, “you take me in so well. i love the way your tight cunt suck me in.” she really was, with mouth apart panting his name, eyelids drooped, and fingers dug into his flesh with legs apart.

she’s his good little girl.

she nodded, soft mewls could be heard through her pants. the wet kisses he was peppering her skin soon turned into a desperate attempt to leave a mark. she was beyond exhausted to berate him for doing it, so she learned to enjoy the feeling of his fangs against her flushed skin.

“toru, it feels so good,” she rolled her eyes back and he hummed in agreement.

gojo held her throat, not too harsh but not exactly gentle too, “it does, does it?” he grinned, “come, clench around my cock, y/n chan," he teased, in a sing-song tone, "i’m about to fill you up to the brim.” he tightened the grip, she whined. the way the walls tightening around him, had the world strongest’s sorcerer a moaning mess, as his hips snapped faster.

the sound of their skin slapping each other got louder and louder with the squelching of her cunt. his eyes rolled to the back of his head, as he forced his cock all the way inside, his thick seed shooting directly into her womb. his grip on her waist tightened, he was all choke up. they stayed in each other’s arm, struggling to catch a break.

he pinched her cheek for the fun of it, seeing her annoyed and bothered for his own personal pleasure. “what luck you have, y/n. falling in love with someone like me,” he brushed the tear stains on her cheek.

“who said i love you?”

he pressed his hand on his chest, faking the pained look on his face with an ouch. it was never an exchange of i love yous between them; it was him annoying the fuck out of her and her being constantly concern by his childishness. “would you still come home, y/n. i miss you so much, no lies.” he asked as he pulled his pants back up. "i will," she promised. he helped her off the desk, cleaning the mess they’d made and her chasing him around for her pair of panties. she never got it back, her face was as red as her stilettos as she made her way out of the office bare under her skirt. she could hear him snickering behind her.

“c-cancel the rest of my day please, sara. i have some business to take care off,” she glared at the white-haired man running toward the elevator. lunch time was over, and she was beyond fucked to continue her work. literally. not when gojo had made sure to give her the fucking of her life, she couldn’t focus on her work no more. sara gave her a glare, a dirty one, as she eyed her skewered hair and wrinkled clothes. she placed the files on her assistant’s desk, rushing as gojo held the elevator opened.

she made in, jumping instantly in his arms as the door closed. it was just two of them in the empty lift.

she giggled in his arms; his huge smile was contagious. he kissed her so gently, thumb on her back rubbing shapes. his smile grew wider as they pulled away. she tilted her head, confusion on her face and he nudged his head to the door. she turned around only to see their reflection on the elevator’s door. “look closer,” he whispered, and her eyes widened as she realised a trail of his cum, peaking out of her skirt down her legs. her face got even redder as she wasn’t sure if it had just happened or gojo has been letting her walk around with his cum down her legs.

“i’ll murder you, satoru.”

the lift suddenly halted. the number stopped at the ninth floor and she cursed. the lift wasn’t malfunction; she knew exactly what he was doing, and he wasn’t even trying to hide it.

“not going to lie, seeing my cum down your legs, it looks hot,” he said sheepishly, a kiss on her cheek while his hands already made their way underneath her blouse. his brows raised up suggestively.

“will you stop thinking with your dick, satoru?”

“you still owe me two more orgasm, buttercup.”

the light of the lift suddenly tripped, engulfing them in a pitch-black darkness. she jolted in his arms. the emergency light turned on and under the dimmed light, she could see his blue eyes on her like a predatory to its prey. she could feel her throat drying as a kiss landed on her neck.

“we better make our time worth.”

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firelxdykatara · 3 years ago

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Katara x Aang :3c

are you trying to get me in trouble

-cough-

no but in all honesty, my genuine feelings about kataang boil down to three major points: 1. it's boring, and does not jive thematically with either of their character arcs, to the point of, 2. actively hampering character development on both sides, and 3. katara deserved better.

points expanded under the cut. (please, if you're a kataang shipper and you see this, just keep scrolling. i've tagged it appropriately and put the bulk under a cut and at this point that's literally all i can do lmfao.)

send me a ship and get my (brutally) honest opinion!

1. It's Boring: This is the most subjective point on the list (I mean, in fairness, it's all subjective, but I have evidence from the show and post-canonical materials to support my other points; this one is just preference), but there's just... nothing to kataang. It's cute (when it's not actively aggravating), and... that's about it. It's not even that I dislike friends-to-lovers as a shipping trope (though it's not my overall preference), because there are a lot of friends-to-lovers couples that I do ship (kanej comes to mind, also will/elizabeth from potc, karolsen from supergirl, romione and hinny from hp, among others), but one thing that I think all of those couples have that kataang doesn't is that both sides of the pairing are teens or adults when they get together, with teen/adult dynamics and issues and stories to deal with, rather than one half being a teenager and the other being literally prepubescent.

And don't get me wrong, I have no problem with age gap ships in general. And as far as atla goes, Katara, at 14, has the same age difference from Zuko (16) as Aang has from her, and it's never stopped me--because both Katara and Zuko are well into puberty when they meet and I have no problem picturing them being into one another and growing together as they enter adulthood. Aang, on the other hand, is a child. And he acts like it. Which wouldn't be a problem, if the show weren't expecting me to believe he is a) ready for a romantic relationship, and b) ready for one specifically with Katara, who is not only older and far more mature but is specifically cast as his caretaker in a very maternal role for the entire show's run.

This show asks me to believe that a teenage girl well into adolescence is going to be attracted to and develop romantic feelings for a pre-adolescent child--and it asks me to believe this while showing us otherwise that Katara's type is actually older boys with fabulous hair and angsty pasts in all of her other potential romantic dalliances--and then enter into a relationship with him, all while ignoring the elephant in the room that is the fact that she was basically acting like his mother for the entire series to that point. (Something that is heavily lampshaded earlier in the very same season.) That just stretches the bounds of credulity way too far for me, especially when there's no evidence that Katara herself would get anything out of their romantic relationship.

There's nothing there for me to sink my teeth into. No delicious development, no parallels where they help each other grow, no internal conflicts that they have to work through together, nothing. Certainly no reason for me to actually believe Katara feels (or would grow to feel) anything for him other than the platonic affection of a caretaker. I can easily believe she loves him dearly, as a friend and quasi-little-brother, but I just can't see that developing naturally into romantic love--not the way it's presented in the show.

And even if they did manage to at least make the development of Katara's feelings believable, unless they changed something fundamental about the nature of their relationship, it'd still be boring, so.

2. It Actively Hampers Their Character Development--On Both Sides: I've written before (extensively lol im so sorry) about how kataang is actively detrimental to Katara and to Aang. In short (because ye gods this post is already getting long enough), Katara is narratively harmed by being shoved into a relationship that completely ignores her stated feelings--a relationship that had been presented as a one-sided puppylove crush for the vast majority of the series--and it inhibits her growth as a character in ways that become far more obvious in the comics and lok, where the very same creative forces that lead to her beginning a relationship with Aang in the first place reduce her to 'the Avatar's girl' and very little else, all the way through to the end of LoK (where she is a Healer and the Avatar's wife and, again, very little else).

As for Aang:

As to how this relationship is detrimental to Aang (other than the comics and LoK nonsense)? Just take a look at book 2, when he’s trying to learn Earthbending from Toph. Katara constantly coddles him. Much of the time, she’s afraid to be anything other than gentle and understanding with Aang--partly because of her fear that if she pushes him too far, he’ll run away. (Which he does, several times.) But sometimes, what Aang needs to grow is a sharp kick in the slats, which Toph was more than willing to provide--and which worked. Katara was great for teaching Aang to waterbend, but he needed more than that to grow as a person. And he can’t get that while he’s in a relationship with someone who will apologize for getting upset when he was very explicitly neglecting her.

In addition, it is pointed out by Guru Pathik at the end of Book 2 that one of Aang's chakras is blocked by his attachment to Katara. Aang takes this to mean (incorrectly) that he has to stop loving her in order to become fully realized as an Avatar, but this is actually part of the problem--because the issue isn't that he is in love with Katara, it's that he's possessively attached to her. He believes himself entitled to her love in return, rather than selflessly loving someone regardless of whether or not they return that affection. (This is obvious come the EIP episode, where Aang demands to know why he and Katara aren't in a relationship already--because he kissed her without asking [or even checking to see if she'd be ok with kissing him], which he phrases as mutual even though it very much was not, and he gets angry and violates her boundaries when she says that she is confused and doesn't want to think about it right then.)

It is his attachment to Katara--the need for her to return his love, the belief that she will and it is only a matter of time before he gets what he wants--that he was supposed to let go of, not his feelings for her in general. Unfortunately, while he pays lipservice to doing this (far too late for it to be useful--if he'd stayed with the Guru for five more minutes and unlocked his chakra there, that battle would've gone very differently), he almost immediately backtracks on that development come book 3, and there isn't another single whisper of Aang maybe growing up and moving past his one-sided and possessive crush and realizing that even if Katara doesn't feel the same way, it doesn't mean she loves him less or that their friendship is less important.

What really needed to happen, for Aang to grow as a person and become fully realized as an Avatar, was for him to grow up. To realize that his feelings were not of paramount importance, and that even if he was in love with Katara, he was not entitled to her love in return. He should have been able to move past his need for her to love him back, in order to get past that stumbling block, unlock his chakras, and regain the Avatar State in time to face the Firelord. But he didn't. As a result, they had to find some other way to just give him the Avatar State (a well-placed rock) and the means to defeat Ozai without killing him (the deus ex lionturtle) and his entire character arc just fell apart in the third act rather than reaching a satisfying conclusion.

3. Katara Deserved Better: This really ties into how her romantic relationship with Aang hampered her own development, but I'm still bitter enough about it that it gets its own bullet-point. And the biggest single reason I could never ship kataang--the thing that would've turned me off even if there were substance and a halfway decent storyline for them--is the fact that Aang kisses her without her consent (for the second time) in Ember Island Players, Katara gets angry at him and storms off, and then..... she walks out onto the balcony to make out with him.

With nothing to bridge that gap.

It's bad enough that a show aimed at children had a scene where the child protagonist kissed the object of his affections without her consent when she didn't want him to (made explicit by her angry reaction)--and this is absolutely an issue when the show is aimed at children and it may well be the first experience they've had with consent issues portrayed in media--but this moment is never addressed again. Katara just decides--completely off-screen--that she does love him Really and walks out to make out with him in the epilogue. There's no conversation, no apology for violating her boundaries, no discussion of why that was wrong or any indication that Aang understands what he did and why it upset her. They don't have a single one-on-one interaction between that kiss and the epilogue, and the only other time they are on screen together, Aang yells at her and storms off.

So, even leaving the comics and lok aside, Katara deserved much better from her own romantic plotline. In fact, she deserved to have one, rather than simply being the oblivious object of Aang's affections, given a couple moments where she blushes but otherwise remains completely ignorant of his feelings (she looks shocked and upset when he kisses her prior to the invasion, and then she completely forgets that even happened because she's confused as to what Aang is even talking about during EIP until he brings it up; that's not the behavior of a fourteen-year-old girl who was kissed by someone she was developing romantic feelings for), before the epilogue where it becomes clear that she figured all of that out off-screen and had feelings for him after all.

She's a main character, not a side-character written in solely to give one of the mains a love interest. She deserved a romantic plotline of her own. (She could have had one with someone else, with very few changes made to what was actually on-screen prior to the epilogue, but that's another conversation entirely.) She deserved to have her feelings considered at all important by the person she was going to be paired with in the end, rather than having him just assume she felt the same way and then get mad at her for never giving any indication of it when he'd never asked about her feelings to begin with. She deseserved agency in her own romantic narrative, and she just didn't get that with Aang.

So yeah, at the end of the day, my biggest issue with kataang is that it involved doing Katara dirty, and she's my favorite character and she deserved so much better damnit.

#atla #katara #aang salt #kataang salt #anti kataang #atla meta #katara deserved better #salt for ts #ask meme #invincibleweasel #asked

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noroi1000 · 2 years ago

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If it isn't to much trouble may I have (male) jjk matchup please. My pronouns are she/her. Im a Capricorn, my Mbti type is infj-a/infj-t. I tend to be shy around new people but I can be somewhat loud with people who im close to. My height is 5'0. Im not very athletic and im not a big fan of sports but I love to go roller and ice skating. I also love to read books and to also cook and bake food. I also like to garden. I've been playing the violin for 7 years. I love animals and im planing on becoming a wildlife veterinarian. I like to Watch nature/animal documentaries. I also like sweets. Somethings I dislike are people who bend or ruin my books and people who speak over me when im trying to talk.I love music, I can listen to any genre and like it but my favorites are indie,bedroom pop and classic rock. My ideal relationship would be with someone who is loyal and supportive. sorry if i spelt anything wrong. Hope im not bothering you:)

I think your Jujutsu kaisen matchup is

Megumi Fushiguro

You are people who like each other's company. You are calm together, but you can also go crazy a little. Despite the shyness that disturbed your contacts, you found a common language.

Sometimes he's fed up with noisy moments and needs space. In fact, he needs it a lot.

Maybe relax with a book or music. Or even with physical activity.

Even though he doesn't care whether he is playing sports or not, he can do it or stop altogether. There are other activities as well.

He would be able to go for a walk with you or skate in the park without any problems. He would not despise a foray on an ice rink either. It is a quiet activity that does not need to be strained. He just rides being relaxed. And to that, add some music or a nice conversation, you will be in heaven. It could be something he will really like as his favorite pastime. There will not be many people talking to him and disturbing the peace, and if you go alone, no one will interrupt you. He will listen to you ;).

Seeing how you like what he can take is very good for him.

He can listen to you play the violin knowing you can. He relaxes at the same time. It's music, after all. Plus the peace that is there then. Likes it. It doesn't matter if it's a more dynamic melody or a calm one.

What he loves about you is your love of animals. Even if his shikigami aren't animals but curses, they're still pet. You love each of them. Even knowing they are made of shadow. Dogs, rabbits, frogs... Elephant... bird... who cares. They are still animals that are docile.

You were a kind person to him. He supported your dreams of becoming a vet. He knew you were nice. Especially to animals who sometimes behaved more human than humans themselves.

Headcanon:

• He wasn't entirely a fan of cooking for himself. It was taking his time, but at least he knew he was doing it the way he liked it.

He began to cook more often. He made any dish with you. He did what he would, of course, like without any particular exaggeration.

• However, he was doing well. He cooked, fried, baked. Even the cakes.

• Your time with the others was limited to just the two of you. He was not very bored with your instrument lessons or your own playing. He knew how you do it with passion.

• He admired your desires and passions.

• He gave you care for dogs and rabbits. You could take a closer look at them and hug them.

• It's okay for him to hide somewhere in his room and read books. Talk about them. He is also not against exits. Park, ice rink, shop. It doesn't matter. Even in the woods, he might be pleased.

• He would not like to have another person with him. He would like to protect you and support you as much as he can. All the time so that you just feel comfortable with him.

"I don't want you to be sad. Do you want a rabbit? Or a dog? Look, people are ignorant. Do not worry. Come here. Do you feel better when I hug you? You're right... I'm a bit touchy now. I fully support what you want. I can help you. Together we will make your dreams come true. Pets love you. Or maybe not only them..."

#Jujutsu Kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #Jujutsu kaisen Matchup #anime matchup

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7ven-devils · 4 years ago

Text

A really long overanlysis of minecraft servers.

This will be my only warning, this shit is really long.

I promised this to @ivi-prism 2 weeks ago (hi, i am Svetla) but university said no and then i feel my notes were incomplete so i have to do more research.

So let's talk about anarchism and capitalism. As a future political scientist, really bugs me how the fandom and some content creators (im looking at you techno) misinterpret both theories.

Yeah this will be a overanalysis about the political, social and economic system of two minecraft servers. Why? Cause i like analysis things like this and finally i can solved what is the system of hermitcraft and thats make me happy.

Things to consider:

First im not native english speaker and im lazy so im not often write or talk in english so my typos can make Doc really proud.

Second i don't watch Dsmp i only know things about the server by the animatics, the constant information wich pop up here on tumblr, the crossover fanfics and the tiny vods that youtube insist play when i have activate automatic reproduction.

Third i tried to simplified this much as i can because this analysis i maded talking with my friends (also political scientists) and a former professor, so it got quite technical while i was writing it.

And finally don't take this seriously, I'm not trying to insult anyone, I only started this because the hermitfandom started saying that hermitcraft was capitalist and then everyone started comparing the Dsmp with hermitcraft saying anarchism vs capitalism, that's why the dsmp entered into this analysis.

Guys, seriously chaos isn't anarchism and "sucefully economic" isn't capitalism, even paid with "money" (diamonds in this case) isnt necessary capitalism.

First, mini glossary:

I understand a server like a Society/State (country) with Mr Weber definition. In really vague words a State is anyone that has a territory and has legal control of violence (the laws, no the abuse of authority).

I understand the private property as the hermits bases and/or shops (i suppose only base in dsmp? Idk)

I understand the mass production as the farms and resources.

Capitalism is a economic, politic and social theory, wich it considers private property essential and tends to monopolize the resources 'cause this it also considered private property.

Anarchy means "without government" it has its origin in the Ancient Greece. And Anarchism theory is just a society free from any political authority, but respecting the liberties of the others.

A Failed State is which one lose control of the legal violence, and can't provide the peace, essential human rights and the basics for a normal lifestyle to its people.

I think thats all the bored shit (i hope so). Now the interesting shit.

Why hermitcraft isnt capitalist?

Short answer, their idea of private property is not the same as capitalism has.

Long answer, even if they have their own stuff, they had a really strong sense of community and dont really care if someone take things from them.

We can see this in the beginning of season when Iskall take some mini blocks from Etho and he didn't really care (yeah, iskall "paid" him, but later i will explain this) or the multiple times Grian "borrow" things from Iskall and Mumbo in season 6 or Scar in season 7, the team ZIT constantly take things from each other and i can go on and on with examples, but the point here is this couldn't happen if they had a capitalist society because this would break the "private" part of private property and mass production.

Basically their friendship made so strong their sense of community that they are basically inmune to capitalism, Uncle Marx would be proud of them (not really, but would be funny). So they are communist? Nope, communist don't believe in private property and the hermits does.

But you just said-? I said they dont has the SAME idea of private property as capitalism does. They still have their bases, farms and shops, but for them their private property isnt sacred like in a capitalism system would be.

They're respect each other things because they appreciated the effort and values the time the person puts on their buildings and not only because doesn't belongs to them (and obviously cause theyre frends, but shush, this is a overanalysis, the obvious things doesn't have place here) i mean even for the shenanigans they are really polite and try to cause the least damage possible not because is not of them but because they valued the person.

Basically the famous honor code of hermitcraft.

What about the economic system and the shopping district?

Lets talk about the elephant in the room.

If Hermitcraft isnt a capitalist system, why they have a economic system based in diamonds?

Well, despite the exchange based in money for resources or services is a principal characteristic of capitalism, it isnt exclusive of that theory.

The money is a social consensus, cause barter has becomes obsolete and gold isnt cheap or infinite to use as payment. And basically, this is why we use money on this days (if you want to know the history of money ask to your trusted historian or Wikipedia).

What does this remind us? Yep, diamonds and iou's are a consensus too. When the 1.16 came out some hermits tried to change to netherite as payment and didn't suit, so they ignored it and continued with their current payment system.

And as much as Mr Smith likes to say that this is how the free market (and his stupid invisible hand) works, capitalism needs the monopoly of resources and people who works to pay for those resources.

But in Hermitcraft nobody really controlled the resources, anyone can go and collect their materials or made a farm. They just decided don't do it and go and buy it, because they save the time to go and collect for themselves, in other words they paid for the time.

Various hermits say they saved so much time go and buy the materials instead to collect themself or trade with the villagers (cause theyre the worst and all of us know it) thats why the barge and lookie lookie at my bookie are so profitable.

The shopping district it wasn't a thing before season 4, i dont really sure how it worked before, because i started watch in season six and sadly i have a boring adult life to saw the old seasons, but i assume it works in the same way that the trades the hermits does between them to accord a discount or a collab, and speak directly with the interested hermit or directly take it and pays what's considered it was fair, like iskall did with etho.

Like i said all what's happen in hermitcraft is a consensus, even the shopping district.

So yeah, that isnt a thing that would happen in a capitalism system, probably you would be dead, because "how are you dare to entered to my property", or in the jail, "because thats not yours".

So, what is hermitcraft?

For the surprise from much of you, Hermitcraft has an anarchist system.

What?! But their server is so peaceful, they don't steal from each other, they doesn't griefing, hows that possible?!

Well, the anarchism isn't really a violent political theory, at least in its beginning, actually anarchism is one of the most peaceful theories i studied, thats why i dont really thing it will worked in our society, but work in a server of 24 friends. Its too idealist.

I don't really study all of the thoughts corrents of anarchism because they are a lot. But the one we are interested is one of original thought corrent, The Mutualism, this in contrast with their cousin Communism doesn't believes the private property was something bad and considered like one of the rights from the individual, but different as capitalism because like i said before it wasn't sacred and communal things will exist to help others to start or recover.

Proudhon, one of it intellectuals, considered not paid for the work of the other it was a form to violate their liberties and feel horrofied with Marx when he said we have to abolish the private property.

The mutualists believes that each person should possess a means of production, either individually or collectively, and the products obtained would be trade in the market for the amount equivalent of their work.

This sound familiar, isnt it? Hermitcraft works in this way.

The thing with anarchism is they don't believes in a government over the people. And the hermits doesn't have one, yeah there's Scar being the mayor, but he isnt have a power over the rest and only is in charge of the "cowmercial district" even aquatown isn't part of his jurisdiction, his function is more of organization, like when we put a friend in charge to organizing part of a roadtrip.

It's the same with Xisuma figure, we all put him in a position of the admin of hermitcraft, but the truth is he isnt the only one with admin commands (but apparently some or all of them losed their admin status, at least in one of the last tango's streams, he hasnt it anymore) and various hermits said that he is more like an ambassador of them in the legal things of the server.

The hermits take all of they decisions in group and in the majority of things all of them needs to be agreed with the decision or they simple doesn't do it. And this is a characteristic of the mutualism because for them anyone are over the other.

And if you aren't already bored at this point and you put attention to what i wrote of the concept of private property in the mutualism, you would see it is practically the way hermitcraft works. They make their bases and farms, recolect resources and sell what they don't will use, buy mostly to save time and paid for the price what they considered fair. Yeah i know sometimes they do some farm specifically for one shop, but this is more "yeah, this is my thing" (Tango and Iron; Ren and wood) or a division of activities "if you do that, i do this".

The perfect utopia.

What about the Dsmp?

If you do it to here, congratulations.

So what about the Dsmp, i entered here because i want to read of them and the only thing i read was about hermitcraft.

Well, the Dsmp only entered in the equation because much of you said they were an anarchist server, but i see it more like a "failed state" and when i was talked with an exprofessor he agreed with me.

I know the term of failed state is controversial and is almost obsolete, but is the best way to describe the server and stop said it is anarchist.

So why failed state and not an anarchist state? Because they have a government (or apparently multiples) a failed one, but is there, if it were an anarchist server wouldn't have one.

Usually the failed states are known for being violent and volatile places in which ones their governments can't provides the basics to their people to live, normally are places with ethnics conflicts, civil wars, authoritarian governments or states in wars. The most common examples are Haití, Somalia or Syria.

And i am sure you can see the similarities with the Dsmp, so yeah, theyre chaotic but not anarchist.

The wars ruined the stability from the server, have a multiple sides and a megalomaniac for admin, but the goverment still there and they are fighting for the power wich wouldn't happen if the server were anarchist because anarchism don't believe the power should be possess for someone.

The server simply is failed state wich struggles under a violent fight for power.

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If you read this far, you're a hero and had my gratitude for read my useless thoughts. Maybe some day i do it other overanalysis of this servers. I hope you enjoyed and dont confused so much.

Thanks for read.

And if there are some angry economist with me for "misrepresent" the capitalist i am completely open to a debate, my only condition is it would be in chilean spanish ;)

#hc x dsmp #hermitcraft #dream smp #mcytblr #long post #reaaaally long #estupido sobreanalisis de cosas que no necesitan una segunda lectura #this post is edited cause apparently it author doesnt know how to use tumblr eve if she's here since 2010

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kimsnnn · 3 years ago

Text

Part 1

Disclaimer: This post is in favor of my ship, Elriel. No hate, just an opinion. This is what makes sense to me. If this isn't your cup of tea, and it came up on your feed, no worries just skip please.

If you look at it this way:

If the series were to officially end at ACOWAR then that would mean that there would be no need to add any more books due to the majority of the plot being resolved. If there were slight questions or plot holes that were left open, we as readers can basically create our own conclusion based of where these characters and their stories were left off at. That’s the beauty of being a reader, being able to use our imagination to extend the stories based on canon information to infer or even speculate what happened to those beloved characters of ours.

If its easy to answer these questions, fill these plot holes and resolve any issues within that story, then there would be no need for any additional books, and lets say there were questions that were pressing but not complicated to answer, a simple extra book could be added to resolve that like ACOFAS. ACOFAS could’ve concluded everything. She could’ve also showed Feyre or whoever freeing Vassa and then created a whole spin off on Vassa and her adventures including the plot of her defeating her captor Koschei while also dealing with the queens and humans basically introducing us to a whole new world and continent with new fae/fae territories (like chaol introduced in his book from ToG). Her LI would most likely be Jurian because Lucien would have ended up with Elain which we know because she resolved that in ACOFAS.

BUT

That’s not at all what happened. Things were not answered/resolved during ACOFAS.

The author which in this case is SJM knew that whatever obvious inferences/speculation we the fandom would have is not the accurate ending she had for these characters. So she decided to introduce far more books into the series as standalones but, still part of the overarching plot to truly get the full scope of what she has in store for these characters. Why make additional books based on the obvious ? She’s a writer, she knows the importance of creating mystery or writing plot twists that we either didn’t or decided not to realize or even accept. So ACOFAS and even ACOWAR wasn’t there to answer last minute questions, to show us that our favorite ships did end up together, no it was there to be used to set up future stories like SJM said and be as close as can be as opposite of obvious.

At the End of ACOWAR we have :

Nesta

-THAT Nessian moment 🥰 (& Nessian moments in general in ACOWAR)

We can infer based on where those characters were left off that :

-They would end up together eventually. I mean come on, Cass’s line *chef’s kiss*.

BUT what people forget is that was also her breaking point (trauma)

-We didn’t know how her trauma would affect her, her life and loved ones, & how she’d heal Or what were even her powers. These questions were built up throughout all of ACOWAR

So what did SJM do?

-She wrote the answers to those questions in ACOSF while also resolving questions about Nessian’s status especially since Nesta first had to start healing to let herself be loved.

The evidence ? The set up to gain support to find these answers ? Its in ACOFAS

-Nesta’s drinking, isolation, rage, fear, loneliness and self hate

-Nesta’s avoidance of her sisters, the IC and Cassian

-Cassian’s persistence, confusion. Feeling helpless.

Same thing can be seen for Elain

At the end of ACOWAR

Elain

-Civilness between E and L. She seems more at peach and want to plan gardens/rebuild

We can infer

-Elain talked to Lucien so she forgave him or is on track to forgive him. From this we can assume the possibility of Elucien being endgame.

Elain also must be healed because she smiled and wants to help rebuild. So that all equals acceptance of her powers (on occasionally seeing things and that it, that’s her power), her new life and bond

BUT what we forget is the iconic Elriel moments (Hybern camp & truth teller connection), Elain’s world/future going up in flames, the consequences/trauma of having been gifted these powers

-We don’t know the full scope of her powers, why the cauldron adores her, how she feels, why were we given blooming moments between Elriel

So again what will SJM probably do?

-Set Elriel to be endgame. Cause civility/friendship/forgiveness/CLOSURE between Elain and Lucien. Get In depth about her powers, her trauma and how it has affected the life she thought she would have. Have her come into her role in the NC and have self growth.

The evidence? Its in ACOFAS & ACOSF

-Elain’s anger and desperation to have a choice, to have her own agency

-Elain’s avoidance, tolerance, discomfort of Lucien ( she wilts and regresses)

-Elain’s push to contribute more and firmly declare she’s a member of the NC

-Elriel’s tension & build up ( glances, smiles, blushing, gifts, humor, awareness, longing, protectiveness, attraction, actively trying to distract themselves, etc I could go on and on)

-Confirmation of Elain’s power still existing. Her whereabouts: where is Elain when the IC are facing obstacles?

-Her visions still to happen. The fourth dead trove needs to be found: it makes sense that it would be found by Elain (& Az) ( the crown: Braiylln, the harp & mask: Nesta, the fourth trove: Elain)

*If there are 3 cauldron made and Braiylln found one (& is now dead), Nesta found 2 but couldn't get a good read of the fourth, that means it'll be up to Elain & Azriel because they are basically the only two in the IC who closely work with shadows and even mist. Maybe Nuala and Cerridwen would also join in searching which id love.

Now let’s ignore the evidence.

From that moment at the end of ACOWAR again: 1) we see Elain who seems better and 2)we have Elain and Lucien who seem to be in a civil place

So we assume she’s healed or on track, and her relationship with Lucien is looking up. So why would SJM write a whole standalone on the obvious?

If she’s healed and okay, if she and Lucien will be a sailing ship why be so secretive and unclear on Elain’s story, on who she ends up with?

Nessian was so clear, there was no REAL doubt that they would not end up together despite the obstacles between them, two of them being her rage and trauma. But Nessian would be and are endgame period. All the other “prospects” were just for angst, development and humor. Not real threats.

She wrote Nesta’s story because the worry and question wasn’t on Nessian’s validity, she established their validity and their romance when Nesta prepared to die with Cassian, when Cassian promised to find more time with her, when Nesta called for Cassian, when Nesta Wass worried for Cassian, when Nesta would constantly pay attention to him without realizing it (his wings) when Cassian ran after her during solstice, when Cassian bought her a gift etc. The worry and questions were ALWAYS on and about Nesta’s role, powers, and trauma because they were the influencing factor that affected everyone’s future, Nesta’s life/health and Nessian’s ability to finally able to come together.

If Elucien were endgame we as a fandom would know without a doubt that they are. There would be many more moments of ooh’s and hmmm’s and less mystery and confusion on their validity. There would be far more angst and these characters would have be seen more often together (seeking each other out, but Elain never does) or at least have them have more than one scene of mutual civilness where they dont talk awkwardly, and have a real conversation not one that seems forced, especially by Feyre. Even with the obstacles between them and their distance (because of the obvious elephant in the room) we should have scenes that showcases clear interest between them but we don’t. There is only one true scene where we have that and its at the end of ACOWAR, Im not blind i could see where people might interpret it as Elucien confirmation and who knows maybe I'm wrong and it is but, I read that differently. That to me was confirmation that a friendship between them is possible. Something completely platonic but just as sweet in a different way. That scene to me wasn’t charged it was not even a slow burn or even a spark it was healing and the foreshadowing of a possible friendship.

ALSO:

*Possible ToG spoiler below*

I don’t think it’s too far fetched to assume that Vassien is a thing. And in all honestly I also don’t think its too far fetched to have Lucien (& Vassa) have their own book like Chaol (& Yrene) did. Chaol was an important/original main character from the very beginning of the series who ended up doing grave mistakes. He found himself lost in life to later finding himself gaining a new purpose outlook & perspective when he left the continent to only meet his new LI Yrene freaking Towers who SERIOUSLY changed the whole game ( I freaking love her) and was extremely valuable to winning that war. This is so similar to Lucien’s story so far and Vassa (the firebird) who I expect to resemble Yrene in value and vitalness BUT it is important to state that Lucien is nothing like Chaol and is far more SUPERIOR. So No this is not me saying Lucien is like Chaol. This is just me seeing the resemblance in their journeys so far, which might be due to SJM possibly reusing the same template on purpose.

Part 2

#elain #elain archeron #elain x azriel #elriel #acotar 5

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foolishlovebugbaby · 5 years ago

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ten-thousand miles gone

prologue

summary: they say time heals all wounds, but the one left by han jisung on your heart is one that you still treat tenderly. alternatively; han jisung reappears into your life like a whirlwind, knocking you off of your feet, after leaving you without a goodbye.

genre: angst

warnings: nothing triggering or rated

word count: 6k

note: in my head, the mind map of the way this particular fic ended went in so many directions, but this was very draining to write so i settled on the one that wouldn’t leave you hanging.

been travelling these wide roads for so long my heart’s been far from you ten-thousand miles gone

In your younger years, life had always seemed to move gradually. Time seemed to be muffled by all the firsts and seconds that came and went like waves, distracting everyone from the reality of growing pains. But college certainly ripped off that bandaid, a cushion no longer supporting your fall into the harsh realities of life.

Second semester of sophomore year had just ended, so now every college student across the country was making a beeline for the airports and bus stations, with tickets home clasped tightly between hands that were potentially developing carpal tunnel syndrome. Luckily for you, home was two train rides and a taxicab away. But like all your independent adventures of navigating life unhinged, no journey would be complete without twenty-something voicemails from your mother telling you to padlock your luggage and some vague, superstitious advice she read on Facebook.

[To ma: yes, i didnt forget to pack your scarf and no, im not going to drink ginger and ginseng to ward off bad train spirits.]

[From ma: thank you. suit yourself , you will be bad spirit magnet !]

You chuckle and shove your phone into your pocket, hailing a cab with one hand while the other slings an abnormally large duffle bag over your shoulder. “North-Hill train station please.” You say to the cab driver and shove your luggage into the seat next to you.

You let out a tired sigh and slump into the pleather seats. Butterflies swarmed your stomach- you always seemed to get them whenever you went back home. Back to the place of some of your greatest and worst memories. Somehow, through the years, the fear of seeing him again in that godforsaken town died down, because the thought of ever being able to see him again at all proved itself to be almost impossible.

Even a fool knows this, you’re the best thing I’ve got…

You almost choke on your spit when that song comes on the radio. Of course that song had to come on so conveniently in the middle of your trip down melancholy lane. You have half a mind to reach over and turn the radio off, but decide against it when you see the cute old man bobbing his head to it.

So instead your mind traces its steps back a few moments until all you’re reminded of is him.

In your head you remember all these great experiences- graduation day, senior prom, camp nights during wintertime and summer carnivals down at the boardwalk. But then your mind tortures you and conjures up these images of what it would’ve been like to have experienced it all with him next to you and suddenly the memories become less fond. It’s treacherous, really, being your own worst enemy. But you learnt the hard way that time slows down for no one.

When you get to the train station, you move in a daze. The muscle memory of validating your ticket and walking to the platform does all the work for you. And usually that would be a good thing, except now it only allowed you to stay in your head a lot more. It’s funny, really, how everytime you see posters and billboards of his group around you don’t flinch. Not anymore at least. Because you don’t know him anymore, and he’s probably forgotten about you.

Sometimes, you’re convinced he was just a character that your very active imagination conjured up to fill gaps in your life with meaning. But every time you open a picture of the pair of you way back when, you’re met with the reality that he was real. Even if it was just for a short amount of time, he was visible to you. Tangible. And meant galaxies to you.

[From mama han: cant wait 2 see u back again ! have dinner with us soon xoxo]

You smile fondly down at your phone once you’re situated in your seat, typing out a reply to the woman you consider a second mom.

You thanked the universe for still keeping her in your life. Sure, her son would probably be known to you as the biggest jackass to exist for eternity, but she would remain sweet and tender in your heart for longer than that.

[To mama han: can’t wait to see you too:)]

You don’t confirm your spot at their dinner table, because frankly speaking, the last time you stepped foot in their house was the summer before university when you went to drop off a box of jisung’s things that you found in your room- sweatshirts, t-shirt’s, notes and other miscellaneous items that demanded you remember every miniscule moment spent with him. And since then you’ve found every excuse not to go near that place. You knew it probably hurt the woman whenever you conjured up some arbitrary excuse to not dig in to her incredible cooking, but the finger is to be pointed at Han Jisung and Han Jisung only. Screw him.

She sometimes tries to address the elephant in the room whenever you do get to talk during her visits at your childhood home. Like It would be great to have you both visit at the same time or Would you like me to call him? I’m sure he’s not busy right now. Yeah, subtle as a gun, but you love her still.

You’re not one to believe in luck, and if you did you’d actually quite fancy yourself as the most unluckiest person of them all, but you thank the heavens that he’s never been back home the same time as you have. Either that, or you’re just way too good at being further than a 10-mile radius from him. Like last semester break, when you got word from one of your childhood friends that he would be in town so you decided to cancel all your plans of going back home under the guise of going on a group excursion somewhere up north. Obviously, all you did was stay in your dorm and binge watch Gossip Girl for three weeks, but you concluded that anything would be better than having to confront your demons- or demon. Singular.

What would you even say if you saw him? Realistically, not that much. Ideally, you’d destroy him with words. All that pent up anger for him leaving you behind and all the unresolved feelings left to concentrate in an urn you buried deep in yourself exploding like Pandora's box right before him. 5 years passed, and yet you still found it difficult to imagine what a conversation would be like with him again.

Honestly, you’d tell him to stay a while longer, just so that he’d remain vivid in your memories once he decided to leave again.

When the taxi cab pulled up in front of your childhood home, you were half asleep and in desperate need of a solid meal. “Thanks, keep the change,” you say groggily as you pass the money to the driver.

You take a deep breath once you’re out of the car, your duffle bag slung around your frame. It’s been a very long time since you were last here. The months seemed to pile up without you noticing, and now that you think about it, it had been a good whole year that passed. You don’t know where the time went, but you were definitely here now.

You trudge up to the door, ringing the bell once. “Hey ma,” You say as she squeals and pulls you in for a hug. “I’m glad you’re back in one piece, especially since you ignored my advice.” She says pointedly and ushers you in. “Yeah, well, I guess the train spirits didn’t feel like victimising me today.” She looks at you with her mouth hung open and slaps your arm.

“Don’t say that!” She’s about to scold you more when your dad enters the living room in his pajama pants. “My daughter finally decides to show her face around here! Send in the doves!” You always knew that you got your flare for drama from your dad.

“How are you doing sweetie, we missed you.” He gives you a big bear hug and you sigh. “I know, it’s been too long.”

“There is not enough time in this world to mope around! Now, darling, it’s very late so your father and I are off to bed. There’s some leftovers for you in the toaster oven in case you get hungry,” They both smother you in a hug and you almost suffocate. “We’d love to hear all about your university in the morning. Sleep tight honey.”

And so you’re left to your own devices. Again. Sighing, you reluctantly head up the stairs and make your way into your old room. A smile finds its place on your lips.

The room is oddly clean- you figured your mother must have emotionally cleaned in here (more than once) during your time away from home. But the walls are still the same ugly navy blue, and your star-print curtains remained planted in front of your windows with planet decorations all over the ceiling to match. Funny. He helped you decorate. Said it made your room feel like the universe was just the two of you.

You didn’t know that what he really meant was that you were his safe place.

You spend a good thirty-minutes unpacking, tinkering around your old room and texting your friends about your trip home. It feels like an eternity passed when you finally decide to listen to your growling stomach and go get something to eat. But you’re picky and nothing in your kitchen seems to entice you enough to devour it, so you swipe your house keys off the kitchen countertop and head to your door. 7-Eleven it is. You’re dressed in a pair of leggings and a pink sweater with fluffy slides to match, but you could care less.

As you walk out of your driveway and head down your street, you pass by his house. The lights are off (of course, since it’s an ungodly 1AM) and it practically looked like a dollhouse.

You turn your gaze away.

The walk to the local 7-Eleven is only 5 Hozier tracks away, so you reach there in no time. Your tummy growls when you enter, and you immediately head to the instant section. Hmm, ramen, tteokbokki or pasta, choices choices choices…

You’re too busy pondering to notice the figure clad in sweats and a baseball cap standing frozen at the end of the aisle, gaping like a fish your way. He practically isn’t breathing, but your presence had knocked the wind right out of his chest.

“Y-Y/n?” He manages to breathe out, and you look around, confused. Did someone just say my name?

Your eyes slowly turn to his figure, and you can barely see who it is from afar. Tan skin can be seen from the collar under his hoodie, and dirty-blonde hair peeks out at the ends of his baseball cap. You feel like you’re seeing things, because you know that baseball cap. You bought it.

Slowly, your eyes trail over his face, and you feel the air leave your lungs.

Jisung still remembers the last time he saw you. Well, the last time he saw you before he didn’t say goodbye.

It was a Thursday afternoon, History class had just ended. On the way out, he caught a glimpse of you. He hadn’t seen much of you the entire week, but that was because he was actively trying to avoid you. But there you were, at your locker putting away your books with that puppy-dog expression you always wore whenever you were tired and in need of a good nap. He stood for a few moments, taking you in. Even if your hair was messily up in a bun with a hoodie two sizes too big drowning your frame, he still thought you looked like an absolute dream. He wanted to go up to you and ask you how was calculus? And when you pout and say boring, he would suggest you come over for some hot chocolate and a movie. And you would say yes, with a sleepy, lopsided smile, and his body would feel all warm and fuzzy at the sight of you.

But he doesn’t do any of that. Instead, he leaves his heart by the lockers, and with one last look, he walks away. His jacket does nothing to warm the cold that creeps its way up.

Had he known he wouldn’t get to see you one last time after that, he would’ve watched you for a few seconds longer. Had he known that you would fall sick and stay home from school the day before his flight, he would have told you to take better care of yourself. And had he known that the last time he’d see you would be when you’re drained and tired and down, he would have gone up to you to make you smile, one last time.

He never stopped recreating pictures of you in his head, fearing the outlines of you would fade.

Except now, as you stand a mere six feet away, he feels as though you stepped out of his mind and into his world once again. He can see you. You’re there.

None of the pictures of you that he drew up in his head would ever compare to the way you looked right then. Beautiful, just as he remembered you.

Your name feels like a foreign language when it leaves his lips.

The air is so thick between the pair of you that it makes everything around him slow down. He sees your eyes move from confusion, to shock, to utter fear and bewilderment, and then to pain. It feels as though a knife impaled his heart when he sees your eyes quiver.

He always loved your eyes. Dark brown, like freshly turned over earth, warmed by the sun. They look at him with sorrow now.

Your arms drop to your sides and your lips quake, “J-Jisung?” God, he forgot what it was like to hear his name in your voice. He hates that it’s said with so much heartache.

You run out without thinking twice.

“Stop, slow down! W-wait!” You hear his voice call out for you, but you continue to run- where? You don’t know. You just wanted to get away. Your feet take you far down the sidewalk, lamp-posts your only source of light at this time of night.

But you’re not fast enough, and for the first time in a long time, you feel his grip on your arm.

“Let go of me,” You say, your voice already breaking. He breaks with it.

“Y/N listen-” He pants out.

“No, let go of me!” You snatch your arm away from his grip. God, you’re furious. And hurt. And every other emotion there is to feel when you see the person who left you with nothing.

Your raised voice startles the two of you, and you both stand there for a moment, breathless. From running, from shock.

He doesn’t say anything and just gapes at you, “Well?” You provoke pointedly. “What? Cat got your tongue?”

“No ‘Hey y/n! How’ve you been? Long time no see since, you know, I abandoned you’.” You say harshly and the knife in his heart twists.

“I know you’re hurt-” You cut him off.

“Hurt? Hurt? Hurt doesn’t even come close to what I feel, Jisung.” All the words you want to spew get caught in the back of your throat and you fight yourself to keep it together because you don’t want him to see you cry. You don’t want him to catch you vulnerable and raw, because you don’t know if you can trust him with that part of you again.

“Can we please just- can we please just talk?” He begs, and you scoff. “Please?” His eyes plead with you, and you frustratedly run a hand through your hair.

“So talk.” You cross your arms over your chest and look at anywhere but him. He doesn’t say anything, and each time he tries to, all he does is end up biting his tongue. Where does he even begin?

“I’m sorry,” He croaks out, even though it’s the worst thing to say.

“Great. All is forgiven.” You’re ruthless, but that’s only because he didn’t show any mercy when he left.

He searches your eyes, not knowing what he could say to make things right. Or if that was even a possibility anymore. You both stand in silence for a while, and slowly your resolve breaks away.

“Why?” You say, your voice coarse and exhausted. “Why’d you do it? I tortured myself for months- no, years asking myself what I did wrong that caused you to leave me like that. What- was it something I said? Something I did? Please- tell me, I’m begging you,” You’re full-on sobbing now, tears flowing down your face like waves. They twinkle in the warm streetlights and he feels the ground beneath him crumble. The wound he left on your heart was ripped open again, and you couldn’t help but bleed in front of him. “P-please, Jisung. It’s been killing me for so long.”

Tears leave his eyes, “It wasn’t your fault,” He says softly.

“Then what was it? Because for all this time I broke myself down, questioning why you left like that. For so long I thought you were mad at me- I thought you became tired of me, bored of having me around. Do you know what that’s like? Tearing yourself apart to find answers you know you can’t answer by yourself?” “Shit, I thought you didn’t need me anymore. Which sucked, because I needed you.” You whisper through ragged breaths and he takes careful steps closer to you.

“Of course I still needed you- I haven’t stopped needing you, y/n.” His voice is as broken as yours.

“Then why?” Your voice is barely above a whisper and you struggle so hard to not fall to the ground.

“Do you know what it felt like to wake up one morning, clueless and thinking everything was fine, and then finding out that it was, in fact, not? Do you know what it was like to find out the person you cared for the most up and left you alone and with no explanation- not even a single goodbye? To be desperate to hear his voice again, and wonder to yourself why it was so easy for him to cut you off like that?” He stood right in front of you, so close that he could touch you.

“I searched for you. I still looked for you in the hallways at school, hoping it was just one of your stupid pranks. I waited in my room for you to climb up to my window again and whisk me away to the park for one of our late-night walks. I called your phone for days, just in case you’d finally get annoyed and pick up. You never did. You never did,” You didn’t notice that your face was in his hands and that he tried so desperately to wipe your tears away, his own streaming down his face.

He sucked in a breath, “I left like that because I knew that I wouldn’t be able to get on that plane with you watching. That I would drop everything, all my stupid dreams, to stay in this stupid town for god knows how long with you. Leaving you was the most painful part,”

“That day I found out I passed the audition- do you remember? You were so happy for me, more happy than I was. The only thing on my mind was the fact that I had to leave everything behind to chase after this dream- to chase after a dream that came true because of you. I wasn’t sure anymore. But you were so sure of me, so ready to see me attain everything we talked about, that the thought of all of that being in vain because of my cowardice ate me up inside. I thought that maybe if I could keep you at a distance- make you mad at me for ignoring you, have you hate me- that it would make it a little easier to let you go of me,” Your lips quiver.

“It wasn’t easy-”

“I know, I know that.” He rests his forehead against yours and squeezes his eyes shut as he hears your soft sobs. “It was so that I wouldn’t have a memory of leaving you behind in an airport. I wasn’t ready to have that image in my mind haunt me. I’ve regretted it everyday. You have to believe me when I say that.”

“Then why didn’t you call back? Or even send a message?” Your eyes search his for answers as you pull your forehead away from his to get a clearer look.

“I thought you hated me. That you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore.”

“Bullshit. You thought wrong.” Angrily, you push at his chest with closed fists and shut eyes, “You thought wrong,” You push him away until you’re no longer in his grip. “Let me go,” You whimper when he tries to reach for you again. “That doesn’t justify why you left me like that. I felt like I meant nothing to you for so long. You threw me away like I didn’t mean anything- made me feel like I was insignificant.”

“You meant everything to me!” He shouts out, shocking you into silence. “Don’t you see it?” When you only stare at him in confusion, he sucks in a breath.

“The mere thought of leaving you was enough for me to think twice. Sitting with you in French class and giggling because we didn’t understand a word, spending so many nights with you in your ridiculous dinosaur onesie, getting to walk around aimlessly until 4am in this godforsaken town as if time wasn’t fleeting- I-,” He runs a hand over his face, frustratedly wiping his tears away. “I wasn’t ready for it to be over. I didn’t want to miss graduation, the day we looked forward to since grade school. I didn’t want to facetime you on prom night while you look so goddamn beautiful, knowing that someone else would be getting to slow dance with you. Knowing that I wouldn’t be there, that I would be missing out- that I would be missing you every goddamn day made me realise I wouldn’t be able to last without you.”

“Selfishly ripping you apart from me felt like the only option. And it was so cruel, I know that. I’m the selfish asshole,” He takes exactly five steps to stand in front of you, and places a hand tenderly on your cheek.

“I was selfish because I knew I couldn’t have you. I was in love with you, y/n. So fucking in love and you didn’t even know. And after all this time, I still am.” He says that last sentence in a whisper, and before you know it, his lips are on yours.

His mouth is so warm against yours, so tender, and yet they set your skin on fire.

You pull away and take two steps back.

“Y-you don’t get to kiss m-me like that, not again,” You say breathless. You’re reminded of sophomore year, and the kiss in his living room that made you feel weightless and lightheaded.

“Y/n-”

“I think we’ve talked enough for tonight,” Your heart hammers in your chest and the blood rushes to your face so fast that you swear you’re shivering. His eyes are illuminated by the streetlamps and you see them break right before you, defeated. Yours are no different.

You walk away, choking back sobs.

He doesn’t try to stop you.

It’s 4PM when you decide to get out of bed.

Your eyes are practically closed shut from your lack of sleep and you don’t bother to brush your hair, or undrape the blanket around your shoulders when you head downstairs. Your parents are sitting in the living room, oblivious and unassuming, but when they see you they almost go into cardiac arrest.

“What’s wrong?” Your mother asks tentatively, extremely unsure as to why her daughter looked so abnormally disheveled. “Did you know he was going to be back in town?” You croak out, and she sighs.

“So you saw him.” She states, and your dad pretends to read the newspaper.

“Why didn’t you tell me ma, you know what happened-”

“Exactly; everyone knows what happened, and everyone knows how ruined you’ve both been because of it. But nothing’s going to change if you keep sweeping it under the rug. Honey, I know you’re hurting,” She rests a hand on your cheek and you close your eyes at the feeling. “But this is your chance to get closure.”

“What if I don’t want it anymore?”

“Oh that’s a load of cow dung. Look at you; you’re a mess.” Gee, thanks mom.

She bites her lip and pauses for a second, “What if I told you that during your first year in college, the very first semester you were away, he came back? It was the autumn before things took off for him, and he showed up in town looking for you everywhere, not knowing you had left. I felt so bad, but you’re my daughter, and my first instinct was to protect you because I knew that for the first time in a long time, you were enjoying yourself. So I didn’t give him your new number, said your phone was broken, and he was absolutely heartbroken. I regret it slightly, but maybe this time you both can stop being constantly out of step.”

Your mouth hung agape and your head spun. He looked for me?

“Don’t leave things like this, you need each other.” She gives you a squeeze, and you sigh.

She was right. Years passed with so many things left unsaid, so much time gone. And as much as you hated to admit it, you were never going to get that time back. It would kill you knowing that you didn’t take the chance to fix things. You were already broken down to your bones, what’s left to chip away?

You uncoil yourself from your blanket and fling it onto the couch, groaning when you realise you’re going to have to face him again. The events that had elapsed last night were still hard to wrap your mind around, and you found yourself wondering if it ever did happen. You could already feel your heart pound at the thought of it. His words float in your mind ceaselessly; so much so that when you step out of your house, you almost miss the slumped figure on your sidewalk.

He gets up at the sound of your door closing.

His hair was messy, pointing every which way, and the same clothes from earlier were now wrinkled and crimped. His eyes devastated you. They looked worn down and exhausted, much like yours did.

“Walk with me?” He breathes out, and you nod.

Seeing him in daylight is different. As you two walk, you become increasingly aware of exactly how much he’s grown. He used to be only a few centimeters taller than you, but now you only reach his chin. Barely. But his skin is the same golden tan and his cheeks remained full. You’re close enough that you can smell his scent- a scent you didn’t know you missed until now. But in retrospect, you just missed him.

You both reach the small park in the middle of your neighborhood, and you find yourselves under the big oak tree that he had deemed our spot all those years ago. You look up into his eyes, and for a moment you remember what it’s like to feel home again.

“Do you remember the first time we found this place? You were always so terrible at hide and seek.”

You find yourself smiling at the memory. He hid from you, behind this very tree, for so long that it had felt like you spent hours searching for him. When you finally did find him, you were angry and upset with him with red cheeks to match.

“That’s only because you were always so good at hiding from me,” There’s ambiguity that you didn’t intend in that statement, which brings you both back to silence.

After a while, you gather the courage to speak again. “So about that kiss-” He winces and scratches the back of his neck.

“I’m sorry for catching you off-guard like that last night-”

“I’m talking about the one on your birthday, sophomore year.” His lips squeeze into a tight line and his round eyes stare at you dumbfoundedly.

“I-I always thought you never remembered that. You never brought it up, so I thought that it was just a mistake.” You fiddle with your fingers and gnaw at your bottom lip, feeling the heat creep to the back of your neck.

“Y/n, it was never a mistake. I wanted to kiss you- and I did- because I was sick of being confused about my feelings for you.” You look back up at him, “I didn’t bring it up because I was too scared of scaring you away with it all.”

“Well you should’ve, so that I wouldn’t be so confused either.” His expression changes, and you didn’t think it was possible, but it becomes even more defeated than it was a few moments ago. He rubs his face with his face with his hands, leaning against the tree.

He’s about to speak again, but your lips reach his before he gets the chance.

His soft cheeks rest in your hands as you taste him, soaking in the feeling of his warm lips against yours. This time, for the first time, the kiss lasts longer than a few seconds.

The sensation sends shivers up your arms and down your spine. When he kisses you back, he kisses you with so much fervour that you’re worried you’ll pass out at the feeling. But his arms grip you tightly around your waist to keep you there, with him, firmly in place. Your mind is fuzzy and your heart beats erratically in your chest when he squeezes your waist. Craving him like this is new to you, and yet you can’t help but yearn for more.

Where words failed you before, you make up for it in slow dances across his lips.

“It was worth it, right?” Your question comes as a surprise to him.

Earlier, when the sun had begun to set, the two of you decided that public parks were not exactly the most ideal place to have a heart-to-heart. So you walked back to his place, hands shoved in to the depths of your pockets, but your shoulders brushing against his with every step.

The two of you laid face to face on his bed, pillow-width apart.

“Leaving, yes. Hurting you, not at all.” He answers quietly, his hand drawing circles on the small of your back.

Under his bedroom lights, you take his breath away. His eyes trace over your features, over every dip and bump of the outlines of your face and he hopes that this vision of you never leaves him. He takes in every mole and freckle on your face like it’s the first time he’s seen them, when the reality is that he always used to map out constellations on your cheeks while you slept. He’s afraid that if he blinks, you’ll vanish again, so he tries to keep his gaze steady on yours, unwavering and certain. The way he looks at you sends the butterflies in your stomach into a frenzy.

“I miss you,” You say, your voice meek and he feels his heart break all over again. “I miss you too.” You both speak in present-tense because even though he could touch you, see you, he knew it would take an indefinite amount of time for the pain of losing so many moments to heal.

He pulls you into him, savouring the feeling of your embrace. Holding you makes him feel at home, and god knows he’s been away for so long. You nestle into the crook of his neck, and his hands rest under your sweater and on supple skin, willing your pain to go away.

There are an infinite amount of things he wants to tell you, but he figures “I love you.” would suffice for now.

Life never slowed down. As much as it felt like it had when you spent your days with him again, the days piled up one by one. And soon enough, time caught up.

Soon enough, you would need to book your train ticket back to the city, because your three-week long semester break would draw to a close. He would have to book a plane ticket back to glitz and glamour, and the pair of you would wind up in the same dilemma that you were in five years ago.

Only this time, he never leaves your side during your fleeting time together. This time, he tries to make up for all the lost moments within the span of three weeks. He doesn’t let go of any chance to be with you- to hold you, to touch you, to kiss you. He imprints the feeling of his skin on yours so that you never forget. So that he never forgets. Your eyes are cosmic in the moments that you share intimately, and he soaks up every inch of you so that he never forgets what it feels like to share the same breath.

He listens to all your stories and all your bizarre adventures with a fond smile, because you tell them with such wonder that it makes him feel like he was there. Your voice is the only one he wants in his head.

When he drops you off at the station, he doesn’t say goodbye. But not like last time; he doesn’t say goodbye because instead he says I’ll see you soon and Get there safely. When he watches the train pull away from the platform, he prays he sees it soon again because it carries his heart with him.

He likes to imagine that you send him voice notes of your day and how frustrated you are with you OChem professor. That you send him pictures of yourself, and all the cute little cats you come across during your walks to class. That you send him long letters in the mail like the hopeless romantic that you are. In return, he would introduce you to his members- he knows you’d get along with Hyunjin the best, because you both would like to bitch about him while he’s still in the room. He likes the idea of facetiming you whenever you have the time, and getting to say he misses you, even if it’s only through a screen. He likes to imagine that in every lyric he writes, an essence of you treads in his words, because you’re his only muse. And he envisions the day when he’s finally back in the town where time slows, up in your room where the rest of the world crumbles away and your slates are clean once again.

But for now he watches as the train becomes nothing but a speck in the distance, waiting for it all to play out.

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gdreamzseternal · 5 years ago

Text

I’d like to thank

@myradfemblog for finding an extremely old porn blog of mine. I forgot it existed and it actually makes me sick to see that I was role playing such sick disgusting trauma that I went through thinking it would help when it made me so much worse. Thank you for abusing me over something I repeatedly asked you to give me the link to because I wasn’t going to go through your slander about me to find it.

I want to also say thanks because you pointing that out and me seeing that made me cry both from being triggered and realizing how far I’ve come. That I am extremely kink critical now. When I used to be heavily into it. That I don’t whore myself out anymore because “sex work makes me strong”. God I used to genuinely believe that. Makes me sick. I was so so sick. I was still victimizing myself back then...

But now.. I am a survivor.

Everyone advocated for and ignored the dangers of extreme methods of “beat the child into submission”. (Looking at you old people) It’s so sad cause I still see it now. The way a person who I had a normal discussion with suddenly gets to violently abuse me and degrade me just because they didn’t like what I had to say. Sounds like abusive parents. Everything’s cool til it’s not.

My dad beat my ass cause at 9 years old because I looked him in the eyes and told him to stop drinking cause he was being mean. Telling the truth got me abused. Look at that what a surprise.

Humans communicate differently than other creatures on the planet. Does that mean the other creatures don’t communicate? No. That just means they do things different. They don’t need vaccines because they were meant to survive and live here. If humans didn’t have their science we would all be dead! We are in a race with the planet to see who can kill who first. Will we kill the planet (which kills us too idiots) or will the planet eradicate us via disease and natural disasters and heal itself and start over (we still dead). Or do we chill on our population and help the earth heal by bein more considerate of our surroundings. Yeah none of you like me because I say it how it is without thinking about how it will affect any of you. So that means you get to abuse me. I’m not hurting anyone by simply sharing my views. Yet I am being hurt for speaking my views. I’m not actively slitting the throats of disabled people. I’m not saying we have to round up the retards that already exist and just shoot them. They should just be left in their natural form. Yeah give artificial limbs out cause that’s science but giving a nasty fat fuck a wheel chair cause boohoo they can’t loose weight? Nah true waste of resources. I’m saying we use the science that is our only advantage to prevent that from ever happening again.

All I’m doing is talking on MY BLOG. & I get death threats and told I should be raped by my father all over again. Simply for sharing my feelings on what will 1000000% save the greater good. It doesn’t even have to be permanent. Imagine if every grown man had to get a vasectomy for the next 20 years til all the excited potential parents get throughly processed to see if they are psychologically, psychically, financially and home stable to have children. Then there is a massive database of all the adorable kids waiting to find homes and they get to meet and have a 30 day period where THE CHILD decides if they like their new potential parents. Every couple/person wanting to adopt can adopt up to 2 kids and the kids get a say too.

Humans are not special and I don’t care if you disagree with me. Yet for some reason we literally act like gods gift (complete pun intended) That think who fucking cares what we do to everything around us including ourselves because this is OUR EARTH. We can do what WE WANT. Blah blah blah. Then the WHITE MEN put control on EVERYONE. Then slowly we colored folk said fuck you and made our own lives cause who gives a flying fuck about someone’s skin color except for white people. Then the humans just started literally takin over. Who cares if a bunch of birds nests lived in this tree? I want my new condo that I spend 2-3 months a year in right fucking here so the homes of those birds don’t matter. Let’s massively hunt these animals into extinction for our pleasure. (Okay Hitlers)

We are selfish

I wasn’t raised like you. I wasn’t raised by anyone but my own fucking brain. I never had any positive influences but the voices in my head. We see the world for what it is and not the false reality im creating for myself. I won’t even say ‘most’ if you were raised right because even today in 2019 the system and adults hide the abuse and damage that is really happening. Clearly this whole system isn’t working.

I was raised that literally everything in the whole world was both good and bad. So I learned to be objective and unbiased. Your feelings are what get you killed. Ask any dead kid who didn’t speak up about their abusive parents. And any bleeding out gangbanger who got felt offended by a color and killed someone over it. Someone who felt the desire to get high cause they have no self control and killed some to get $$. But it wasn’t them because even though they felt the need to do the drugs it wasn’t their fault.

So why are we going to keep adding more and more children to the solution when we don’t even know what to do with the poor innocent souls that we have now? We just pretend it’s not that big a deal and keep adding feul (the kids) to the fire (the shitty system). CLEARLY you all know there’s a problem and nothing any of you are doing is working.

So when do we take extreme measures? When do we ACTUALLY make a change. We have nuclear bombs hell ANY bomb and those are okay “when absolutely necessary” but allowing people to have kids they can’t afford, can’t raise, got raped into them, got one night standed with, can’t handle. A BOMB AFFECTS HUMANS AND THE ENVIRONMENT NEGATIVELY. Humans getting neutered (since that’s what you call it for other creatures) will effect the world positively. The bombs are okay though? We can MASS destroy life but we can’t mass PREVENT it from having to be destroyed or emotionally ruined in the first place? Not forever just til we get our shit together.

The abominations and retards. That’s EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE that’s why no one likes when you mention it. They are like the endless elephant in the room. I will die by the quote, “A few bad apples ruins the whole barrel”. We think that it’s perfectly okay to keep adding bad genes to our makeup while simultaneously praying we live forever. It’s so tiresomely contradicting.

If you can all make such a fucking effort for these retard abominations that you breed. Then you can STOP breeding COMPLETELY until you give the kids homes that need them. Those kids will be more likely to become doctors getting adopted out to good homes. Then if they get left to rot in a shitty system while they walk in a grocery store with their mean foster mom and see a happy young couple PREGNANT with their first child when they could have adopted him. If you choose to give birth instead of adopting then you might as well walk up to a kid in a foster/group home and tell them they are garbage and ain’t ever going anywhere.

I still haven’t had my question answered... why does ANY HUMAN ON THIS ENTIRE PLANET need to breed when there are already so many homeless children?

So what is it are we going to stop breeding and adopt all the kids out to good homes that have been more throughly evaluated than a simple background check and having enough beds and money?

Are we going to keep creating a whole brand new system for the retards when the perfectly able children who would flourish with good parents system is still completely fucked?

Giving whole TV shows to literal human abominations for entertainment. Or humans that are forced to overbreed or sickly do it “for religious reasons”. You get to see how much their disability/struggles makes their life so hard but they are so ~brave and strong~ because society would rather force conjoined twins to spend their lives together or die trying to separate because human euthanasia is wrong until a human kills another human???????

Where does that make sense.

We are going to keep worrying more about the dysfunctional, malfunctioned, rejects of our society before the regular ones? We are going to keep following fake gods we have no proof of so that we don’t have to accept the realities of human nature.

Are we going to not do anything and ignore all the clear issues and keep adding more kids?

The same can be said about the immigrant shit in America. We have so many problems we don’t need anymore people and this place is fucked why would you wanna come here anyway? (I digress on this)

Are we going to keep throwing children out like trash in hopes that someone else will raise the busted nut you let fester in your womb?

Like out of those which one of these which one is the best option? Because all but one are things we are already doing and it isn’t working.

So hate me for being unbiased. But as my therapist (yes I discuss this with BOTH my Ts to make sure I am not delusional) put it. I am not looking at it for the benefit of humans. I’m looking at the benefit of the earth as a whole. I don’t want humans to all die off. But if it’s what it has to take in order for this planet to survive then so be it. There are so many other species, creatures, life on this Planet.

To put it simply you’re all simpleminded.

There is no god because Humans seem to think they are god. & we can breed, have our technology, have our vaccines. But as long as we are still over breeding and not adequately using our resources....

The Human Rights we are fighting for will not matter if there is nothing for the humans to live on.

This Earth is our home and there are too many of us right now. Too many of us doing too many wrong things.

Focus on the Human Wrongs then there will be no need for Human Rights because they will realize they are all just another species on this glorious and beautiful earth.

I know none of you were take anything from this.

You all were taught one way or you think one way and that is it there can’t be any other way and anyone else who thinks differently than that is wrong but at the end of the day my ideas are what will save humanity your ideas are what will destroy it. Your safe space will be irrelevant if you have no where to put it.

A human’s need to add feeling and emotion to everything is our biggest flaw.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk Typing Podcast

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makknays · 6 years ago

Text

i don’t dance.

requested.

can i request a one-shot taehyung college au? ❤ and angst, please 😇I dont really care about the plot :D it's up to you :)) I love you! youre such a great writer btw!❤

genre: angst?? again im bad at angst

word count: 2k

As if college wasn’t already enough of a pain in the ass, your so-called best friend had fucking bailed on you again. His excuse? He didn’t have one, it was like you weren’t even worth lying to. “Taehyung, you can’t keep bailing on our plans.” you told him over the phone whilst you were starting an assignment. “I’m so sorry, I’m just really busy.” “I know you are, you always are.” “___, please just understand.” “I’m trying but I never see you anymore. This isn’t because I told you I liked you last month was it?” “No, it’s nothing like that. I just- I’m busy, okay? Just wait for me.” It hurt that he was treating you the way he did because he knew how you felt and he pretended that none of those feelings existed, it was so selfish of him.

It never used to be like this; you couldn’t help that you felt the way you did. When you got a glimpse of what a relationship with him would be like your brain just suddenly turned on a switch that activated these feelings for him. He used to come into your dorm and try to rub off your eyebrows whilst you got ready, he would poke at you when some of your skin was exposed due to your cropped hoodie, he would carry you everywhere if you wanted him to and he made you the happiest person in the world but getting that glimpse also broke you apart because you would never truly experience being with him and you had come to terms with that; however, he was the one acting weird, not you.

“Are you coming to the club this Friday?” you asked Taehyung, over the phone. You were always talking over the phone these days since Taehyung never seemed to want to meet in person. “Yeah, should be. It’s Yoongi’s birthday.” “That’s the only reason?” “Well yeah, why else would I go?” “Yeah, why else… not like I haven’t seen you in like two months when you live five minutes away.” “____.” “It doesn’t matter. I’ve gotta go. Talk to you later.” After you hung up on him you collapsed onto your bed, staring at the ceiling blankly and before you knew it you were asleep. As you woke up there was a loud banging on the door of your tiny room, which irked you since that nap was the best sleep you had gotten all year. You reluctantly got up and moved towards the door at the thought it could be Taehyung behind it but you opened the door to a someone that was very much not him.

“Jungkook, what the fuck are you doing here?” “Taehyung told me to check on you. Something about not replying to his texts and calls. Oh and food. In case you forgot to eat again.” “Come in.” you tiredly replied, attempting to process the information he’d thrown at you. “Taehyung sent you?” “Yep.” “Is the food also from him?” “Yep.” “You know I haven’t seen him in like two months, right?” “Yeah… about that. What exactly happened?” “It’s nothing. He’s just being weird about it all.” “Oh, okay. Here, eat. You seem stressed.” he stated as he handed you a bag with a burger and fries in it. “That’s cuz I am stressed, Kook.” you replied before you started digging into the food.

“He misses you, you know?” “Nope. He sure doesn’t make it seem like he does.” “____, he won’t shut up about you, more than usual.” “Well, we’re seeing each other on Friday for Yoongi’s.” “That’s gonna be fun for all of us, isn’t it?” “What do you mean? You think I’ll confront his ass? I’m too lazy.” “At some point you’ll have to talk to him, ___.” “What if I don’t wanna?” “You’re being difficult, ___, this guy is your best friend.” “Yeah, the best friend that started acting all funny when I told him I liked him like two months ago. Like why can’t he just pretend I never said that?” “You told him you like him?” Jungkook replied, not knowing the missing piece of information that you had just told him. “Yeah, sucks to be me, right?” “___, you know him…He overthinks a lot. He’s probably just had a lot on his mind.” “It’s been like two months though, how long could he have been thinking?” “Look, ___, I know you’re upset and frustrated but everyone’s rooting for you guys to sort this stuff out. We know this can’t break your friendship and it sucks to see you guys the way you are but just see him on Friday and don’t let him act weird.” “Jungkook, I told him I liked him and it is breaking apart this friendship. I can’t stress the fact that I told him that and he stopped seeing me in person.” “Just come to me if you need to, okay? I’ll be right there. He’ll see you on Friday, he knows you’re coming, right?”

“Happy Birthday, bitch! You getting old now!” you screamed as you entered the living room of Yoongi’s apartment. “Thanks, I guess?” he chuckled as you pulled him in for a hug. “Glad you could make it.” Yoongi told you as he pulled away. “Glad I could be here. To be honest I need this night out.” “I think we all do;” he joked, “you spoken to Taehyung yet?” he whispered afterwards. “Well, we’ve spoken just not in person for a while.” “Talk to him.” “You talk to him.” “I did. It’s your turn now.” he deviously smiled as he left your side and went to the kitchen. “Bastard.” “Uh, hi. You need some company?” “Yes, I could actually do w-...oh, hi.” you awkwardly spoke, as you looked at the actual person who had spoken to you, realising it was Taehyung. “Want a seat?” “Yeah, that’d be quite nice.” “What have you been up to?” “You seriously gonna try and make small talk with me?” you asked, annoyed at the lack of getting to the point. “I don’t know what else to say. It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other.” he said as he sat down in the one seat that was left over. “Sit.” he told you as he motioned towards his lap and since there was nowhere else you obliged. “Yeah, I wonder who’s fault it would be that we haven’t seen each other in so long.”, you rolled your eyes. “It was justified.” “And what is that justification?” “Can we not talk about that here? We’re pre-gaming for the club and for Yoongi. We can talk about it later, okay?” “I don’t wanna sit here anymore.”

“How’d it go? I saw you talk to him.” Jungkook asked. “It didn’t go. He didn’t wanna talk about it here.” you sighed in annoyance. “Seriously? When will he talk about it?” Jungkook sighed. “I don’t know. He’s been avoiding it for so long and it’s annoying me. He’s, like, pretending it never happened.” you told him, in defeat as you sat down on a random chair in the kitchen. “He can’t ignore it forever; just give him a teensy bit more time.” “I already did that.” “Teensy bit more.” “Whatever, just take this next shot with me.” “I’m taking this as Taehyung didn’t want to talk about the elephant in the room between you guys?” Yoongi teased. “Is it that obvious?” “You want me to talk to him?” “No, that’ll make him want to run even further away.” “Whatever you want, hun.”

“Hey, Taehyung. What’s up?” “Uh, we’re celebrating your birthday?” “Not what I meant, dude.” “What’s up between you and ___?” “She sent you?” “Nah, she didn’t want me talking about it to you but you both seem so tense and upset over it.” “She told me she liked me.” “I am aware of that.” “I pretended she didn’t and have been actively avoiding her.” “I was aware of your dickhead behaviour too.” “Hey!” “Just calling it what it is. Besides why are you even acting this way? Didn’t you like her too?” “Yeah, I just. I never thought she would like me back so I guess I’ve been hiding in case it wasn’t true.” “You’re an idiot. Such an idiot. Sort this shit out. Do this as a birthday present or I’ll behead both of you.” Yoongi smiled before cheerfully walking back into the kitchen to mess with Jungkook and you.

After failing to find out what was up with Taehyung, everyone headed to the club, got ID’d, went to the bar, the regular. but you couldn’t help but wonder why Taehyung was still off with you. “Do you wanna dance?” a quiet, timid voice asked you from your left, causing you to turn away from your friends. “And you are?” “I’m, uh, Caesar.” “It’s nice to meet you but I’m here to celebrate with my friends tonight.” “That’s okay; can I get your number by any chance?” “Nope.” “Who the hell are you?” “I’m Taehyung”, he said as he swung an arm around your shoulder, causing you to roll your eyes, “I’m her boyfriend.” “Oh, uh, I’m sorry. I had no idea.” “No, Caesar, wait-” “Why were you talking to him?” “He made conversation with me whilst you grinded against your friends.” “I did not grind against them.” “Did too. The look on Jungkook’s face when he noticed it was unmissable.” you scoffed as you turned away to order another drink from the bar. Taehyung wrapped his arms around and softly placed his chin on your shoulder. “I’m sorry.” he pouted as he moved to the music with you against him. You couldn’t help but gently smile at the motion; you had missed this; you had missed him. “Sorry for what?” you asked as you finished the drink and placed it on the counter. “Everything, especially the not meeting up with you and bailing all the time part. And scaring that dude off.” he muttered as you placed your hands on his arms which were still wrapped around you. “I missed you.” “I missed you more.” he whispered into your ear before placing a delicate kiss just below. The two of you stayed in that moment for what felt like eternity before he dragged you onto the dance floor, insisting that you dance together even though you don’t dance.

“Taehyung, for the last time. I don’t dance.” “I can change that.” he smirked as he playfully placed his hands on your waist and pulled you into him. Naturally you wrapped your arms around his neck but you refused to do any dancing. “C’mon, just let go. You’re tense.” “Maybe, it’s because I don’t dance, Tae.” “Just follow my lead.” he chuckled as he swayed to the music with you in his arms; you rested your head against his chest and could hear how quickly his heart was beating. “Your heart is going haywire.” you gently told Taehyung. “That’s all your fault.” “You like me too, huh?” “Could say I’ve liked you longer.” “What?” you asked in shock, removing your head from against his chest but still keeping your arms around him. “Thought you knew. It’s kinda why I avoided you so much. I didn't want to get hurt. It was stupid of me. I should’ve just told you. I’m such an idiot some-” “Shut up. Just dance with me.” “Thought you didn’t dance.” “Thought you didn’t like me.” “Oh man, you got me there.” he replied, causing you to smile gently against his chest. “Do you wanna get out of this sweaty place?” Taehyung asked. “Yeah, it is way too stuffy in here. I’ll tell the others we’re grabbing food.” “No, let’s just sneak away. You and me.” “Fine, fine, just you and me.”

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