#im a wolf i just pretend to be human when others are around is so me

[opens-up-4-nobody]

the good thing about asperger's no longer being a diagnosis is that it's just called level 1 autism spectrum disorder now. i know i probably shouldn't be poking around in the mental health of strangers online, but as an autistic person myself, your struggles resonated with me. ever since i've been able to accept, understand, and begin to provide myself accommodations for my autism, my mental health has improved tremendously. autism is also co-morbid with oodles of other conditions, so it is definitely possible to have autism and other conditions that may have overlapping symptoms

It's funny, I was diagnosed, accepted it, over analyzed and rejected it, subsequently forgot about it entirely, then when the only helpful counselor I ever had brought up the idea I was like: Oh yeah! That makes sense. And went through the same process over again. I will say, having someone point out that something might be inhibiting my ability to interact with people was extremely helpful. Because I just thought I was really bad at it and processed it as a point of failure (which was intolerable). At one point she said "You don't have to do things you don't want to just because you feel like you should" and I think about that a lot. That should have been obvious but it was like she slapped me with a fish

[lemontongues]

yknow ive been thinking again lately about how i would like to see more realism in batman content, both canon and fandom, but not the Dark And Gritty kind. the kind thats like.

yes actually he is highly emotionally intelligent and does understand himself quite well and has just accepted that he is A Freak and decided to roll with it rather than being so horrifically emotionally repressed that he can barely even acknowledge that what hes doing is based in trauma. hes been in therapy since he was like 9 years old. he studies human psychology extensively both for himself and so he has better odds of predicting whats gonna go wrong and how when hes up against a rogue or negotiating a hostage situation or whatever. he meditates for two hours a day and is fully capable of keeping a healthy handle on his anger 98% of the time. he's nice to people and fun to be around and sincerely caring. if he were just Always Right but super isolated and reactive and cruel and controlling everyone would fucking hate him and no it wouldnt be enough to sustain his crimefighting activities, thats a stupid lone wolf fuckboy fantasy

he has a strict 9pm bedtime that he only breaks for mandatory WE/brucie activities or emergencies. if theres a gala where he needs to rub shoulders with ppl to gather intel or keep his company running he'll do it but hes Not Happy about being out until midnight and cuts out early as often as possible, and when hes chasing the joker around until 3am hes lamenting his poor sweet circadian rhythm that did nothing wrong ever in its life the whole time. when hes batmanning hes expending a fuckton of energy and he needs to make it up and have a well-established routine to counteract the punishment hes putting his body through. on a similar note, this man is building braces and compression into his suit and doing extensive physical therapy exercises every day of his life bc he wants to have helpful little things like "knees" and "shoulders" by the time hes 40, and hes probably eating a small farms worth of assorted leafy greens and several chickens per day

he is simply Never drunk and he doesnt actually have that much sex. hes really really good at faking a) being drunk and b) getting a high priority phone call from lucius the minute someone hes making out with starts trying to get his shirt off. he also does a lot of "hey look i gotta get out of here with my reputation intact, can we help each other out and pretend we're gonna go fuck?" kind of negotiating with ppl (see: his 9pm bedtime, plus sometimes hes gotta slip away from an event to be sneaky), which is how a lot of the more wild stories about him start circulating lol. this is a man who's regularly getting gassed/injected/etc with highly experimental substances created by maniacs trying to torment or kill him, he does NOT want substances like drugs or alcohol in his body that could potentially interact with them, and the last thing he needs is to be dealing with a pregnancy or sti scare. plus if he can play it safe with someone and have them think of him as a nice and trustworthy dude who just has a bonkers reputation, all the better for his batman activities!

idk i just feel like theres unexplored potential in a lot of that stuff bc so much of recent batman mythos is like HES SO HARDCORE AND CAN DO ANYTHING AND HES ALWAYS RIGHT CAUSE HES SO PARANOID AND DISRESPECTFUL OF PPL AND THEIR BOUNDARIES BUT ITS OKAY BC ITS IN THE NAME OF BEING RIGHT and im like. okay. gotta admit that i dont rly find that believable or in line with my values. can we talk about WE's sweet sweet employee benefits package and bruce designing his suit to take most of the impact off his knees when he jumps off a roof. members of the jl discovering that he gives shockingly balanced and insightful advice about their mundane personal problems. bruce printing his own batsymbol envelopes to leave people cash after he misaims his grappling hook and breaks their window. things of that nature.

[jackals-ships]

wakes up thinks abt Solas thinks SPECIFICALLY about. the possibility of jackals wandering into a desire demon trap,,,

as much as they point at murals of the dread wolf and go "would" it's Significantly more terrifying coming face to face with a Dragon Sized Wolf With A Fuck Ton Of Eyes than one would think. so their first instinct is to ✨run away✨

big ass wolf cornering them....making itself Small....talking gently at them very much "im so sorry i didn't mean to frighten you are you alright da'len?" jackal still Internally Screaming until it lifts the wolf part of its head up-off and oh

it's Solas. it's just Solas (then why are their hackles up) Solas is their friend (theres something wrong about him) they can trust him (it's something about his eyes)

he helps them to their feet, apologizing again for scaring them he just wanted to talk but they started running and well. the others aren't as nice to outsiders as he is. especially human outsiders (they should know...something about that. but their head hurts. why does their head hurt so bad?)

they ask where they are and he just laughs them off, telling them not to worry their pretty little head about things like that (it feels..mean. the way he says it. solas teases them but he's learned not to be cruel after the first time) he has an arm around their waist now as he leads them.. somewhere. they must be so, so tired from running because the next thing they know they're waking up in a bed

or. no that's silly. they were already in bed. they were just having a bad dream, something to do with talking wolves? when they stretch they reach their arms out for their husband, their foot accidentally bumping the mabari at the end of the bed and they

no that's not right either. solas fen'harel has a thing about mabari the fur their foot touched was their lover where are the others solas hasn't told them about he Can't tell them about but they know and

they're in a bed. it's their bed. solas is sitting half up next to them, gaze gone soft in a way he only allows when they're not looking and this one. this is the worst one. because they Want to let themself believe it. and the demon knows they know, not solas takes their hand and kisses it. asking what it would hurt to just...pretend. for a little while. (in a different world is what he'll tell you so why not this one. why not pretend. why not stop hurting just for a second vhenan.)

they feel bad about stabbing the demon. really they do. the poor thing was just hungry and hurting but they know. they wouldn't leave otherwise

(Solas asks about what they saw in the spirits grasp. they lie as easy as breathing. he does the same when they ask)

[ihave1braincell]

Okay but why does the “sigma alpha wolf” dude have so much potential for a good OC???

Like, imagine wolf dude actually has schizophrenia, bipolar, psychosis, or some other hallucination inducing disorder???

Me and a friend were joking around. I was pretending to be the alpha wolf guy and she was my “kitten.”

…it ended up progressing to necrophilia and cannibalism. I’m actually here for it, though!

Now making art of this new found character of mine, Jacob 😓😓

—I’m getting into his story. Everything is fairly vague and just a summary of his lore, there’s still murder, gore, running away, delusions, hallucinations, necrophilia, cannibalism, and suicide—

Basically he deemed himself to be a red wolf alpha. He believed it with his whole heart, too. Recently, he found out that the red wolf population was growing after near extinction. He knew his role. He knew (had a delusion) that he was placed with his human parents so his species would be farther from extinction.

Now that red wolves were under protection and were growing… he knew it was him time to go. He ran away from his home, and started making his way to the red wolf reservation in Ohio. (He lives in Organ btw)

He was caught by the police, though. He believed his human girlfriend (“kitten��) was the one who reported him to the police and betrayed him. (He actually has no girlfriend that was another delusion)

When he was safely at home, he almost immediately suck out again. He went to his kitten’s house. (Remember, he has no “kitten.” This is just a poor random woman’s house (her husband was coincidentally away))

What follows next are taken directly from the joke messages between me and my friend:

“‘K-KITTEN??? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?? I THOUGHT WE WERE 4LIFERS!!’

‘WE-‘

‘WE WATCHED SKIBIDI TOILET TOGETHER, SANG THE SONG, DRANK GRIMACE SHAKES TOGETHER, ETC!!’

‘THIS IS NOT FUNNY!!’

*alpha me scratches you and you die*

‘W-WAIT, NO KITTEN!! I DIDNT MEAN TO! WAKE UP!! PLEASE!! NO!!!!! MY OHIO LEVEL THREE GYAT ONE TWO BUCKLE MY SHOE LIGHTSKIN STARE KITTEN!!’

‘NOOOOOOOOOOO!!’

‘IM SO SORRY!!!! WAKE UP, PLEASE!!’

‘… i hurt my kitten, the one i swore to protect no matter the cost. i'm so sorry kitten. daddy loves you.’”

The next message is very long and detailed so I’ll summarize it.

Alpha guy apologizes and kisses kitten “one last time”

Although this was meant to be a goodbye kiss, he can’t seem to stop. He looks at the cut his claws made (stab wound) and then looks at his paws (hands.) It felt so weird. Her blood on him and his fur (small strands of hair) on her body.

They were one… why did he do this? She was his other half, and he just killed her! Maybe… maybe this lust he felt for her dead corpse was his subconscious trying to regain its missing half…

*long story short he fucks the corpse*

He cleaned himself up, wanting to cry but that would be very un-alpha of him. He felt as empty as before. His half still wasn’t with her. Then… he got an idea. A way he could always be with his kitten.

He started slowly eating the corpse. Saying things like “don’t worry, kitten. We’ll be one soon.”

Of course, he threw up barely mid-way through. He tried eating his own vomit back up, then tried to proceed eating, but he just kept throwing up. He also knew that if he waited too long, he would have to take a dump. But at the same time… he was willing to eat his own shit to have his kitten inside him.

He ended up trying that idea, and guess what? He kept throwing up. He was already half-dead from food poisoning, and he finished himself off out of despair.

As he faded away into whatever you think is the aftermath of death, he looked at her face. The thing he was going to eat last. It was a face that wasn’t his kittens.

[zevranunderstander]

the thing about terfs is. i get how a person can get radicalized like that and its not that i have sympathy for them but i have people in my family who were radicalized into being right-wing and there is the thing that you can never really convince them that they are wrong because the places they get their information from (other radicalized people) will only ever show them the bad stuff to a point where they dont really connect their hatred with reality anymore?

like. right wing people love to instill fear of immigrants and foreign people by recording and sharing moments in which some of these people got violent and acted up to scare the "normal" citizens into being paranoid that their country is being invaded by people who are violent and "ungrateful" and when observing a group of that size there will always be someone to complain about. there will be mentally ill people, traumatized people, people who just happen to be violent assholes, people whose actions are taken entirely out of context, etc. and this is spun into a story that ALL foreigners are like that. ALL immigrants are like that. and instead of these being the exception to the rule, the one or two immigrants that these people might personally know (and who are coincidentally really nice people) suddenly are the exception to that rule. but these people usually live in a way where they just. don't have any real contact with this group they hate outside of their echo chamber so they think everything else told about them, especially by less radicalizing media is a lie and propaganda to make you think they are actually "good and normal people" and that's fucked up, but ultimately also shows how many of these people lack a basic level of empathy for other human beings

and terfs are also like that. if you go on their blogs and read their posts youll realize very soon that the problem isn't only that they hate trans people. i think their hate for trans people is a symptom stemming from the fact that they truly truly truly hate men, to a point of ALWAYS dehumanizing them when they speak about them, calling them weird terms to further dehumanize them ('moids' and 'males' mostly). i recently reblogged a post by an ex-terf where she said something like 'terfs truly do not think men are human beings, you can only hate a group so long before you can't see them as human anymore' and if you check these people's blogs, they have the same echo chambers as the alt-right: videos of sexist men, videos of men acting violent, videos of men being horrible people, and for terfs this is the true 'male nature' - ALL men are secretly like this. ALL men hate women and want to kill and rape them.

that's why they hate trans women. because to them this isn't a gender binary, it's a group of innocent, oppressed victims and a group of violent non-human monsters. and the thought that one of these monsters would want to hide among them (im so sorry for the gross comparison) as a wolf in sheeps clothing, only pretending to be on their side to hurt them when they are letting down their guard around other women.

and that is why they don't have the same disdain for trans men, per se. they have created this echo chamber that makes them believe men are all violent and sexist and opportunistic. and like with the example of immigrants earlier it's hard to convince them otherwise. even more than in the example because toxic masculinity and the patriarchy has created tons and tons of men who are either violent, or horribly sexist. there have been centuries of female opression side and if you know where to look, it's pretty easy to find a video of andrew tate or some tradcath male youtuber for them to share in their echo chamber.

yes, toxic masculinity, sexism, etc. those are all actual issues that we have in our society, but convincing ourselves that every man is like that is so delusional and unhelpful and shows such a lack of human empathy? it's hard to argue with them because to them, men don't need any empathy ever because they hold more power in society. terfs even inflate how much more power men hold because they don't really wanna fight for equal rights, they want to be the victims. they looove saying that women are weaker, women are biologically less capable of x and biologically less intelligent than men or whatever shit, just so they can victimize themselves even further. they love arguing over posts that say something sexist and i swear i dont know how often i saw that on a terf's blog, they LOVE to pick fights with the trads on this site. they don't WANT to block the negativity, they want to wail over how oppressed they are and how cruel and hateful all men are.

and i think on this site we all have this view of terfs being exclusively against trans women, but the thing that is at the core of their beliefs is their hate for men. i think for some terfs it might be the reverse of 'they were already transphobic and then fell into a rethoric that backed their beliefs by introducing them to gender essentialism'. for other women it could also be having a particularly bad expierience with a man - living with an abusive father, being sexually assaulted and I sympathize with women who hold a grudge against the patriarchy for allowing men to take advantage of them like that, but projecting this image onto every man you ever meet is so insane and delusional. it's normal to have trust issues after having a bad expierience with ANY group of people, but it's not normal to ignore working on that and trying to get better and instead blame men for all moral failings of society and your personal life.

terfs love to hold up a woman's "innate empathy and intuition", but they do not, in fact, have actual empathy and have conditioned themselves to think all men are violent zombies who only crave power, success and to hurt and kill women.

[kadssp]

i am so thirsty 4 roxanne wolf :)) i dont know if you write FxF but if you do can you do a smut or NSFW headcannons for roxanne?: it's totally okay if not :) thank u, and have a good day

note: im thirsty for roxy 24/7 sunshine do not worry, i got you covered. only hcs for now :( wrapped up in tons of asks rn

warnings: afab! reader, praise, degradation, choking, hair pulling, oral fixation, breeding kink, possessiveness, minors dni

General Roxanne Wolf NSFW hcs

She owns a strap on,,,, you cannot tell me she doesn’t have one and that she doesn’t love the fucked out look on your face as she pounds in your little cunt.

”all fucked out already, doll? this pretty pussy is mine isn’t it? say it.” “t’s yours! ‘s all yours!!” “atta girl, so good for me, yeah?”

She likes feeling her hair tugged, knows you’re not doing it to actually hurt her but when she’s going down on you, lapping at your cunt dripping with your honey essence, your hands have to go somewhere and they always land in her hair, keeping yourself grounded as you mewl under her touch

but she’ll also pull and tug on your hair. dragging your head up and down the strap she wanted you to suck, ‘like the little cock hungry whore you are’ and you accepted gladly only to feel her hand in your hair and pulling you down and up like you were a cocksleeve.

probably has a oral fixation too, seeing her digits in your mouth as you swirl your tongue around each finger, pretty eyes look up at her through lashes dampened by tears. it’s such a good look on you and it gets her going, and even if she’s a female and also a animatronic, she wants to fuck into you and give you pups sometimes.

loves if you praise her, it makes her short circuit and her system fail at the vibrating feeling she gets whenever a praise slips out of your mouth.

her ears are sensitive don’t listen to her lies, the wires connected in them that make her sense of hearing better than a human’s makes her ears tingle and twitch if you blow on them. pet over her ears and she’ll be biting back a whimper but deny it right after with a small huff.

”i’m the best. tell me im the best, pretty.” “‘s the best! you’ll always be the best!”

if you want her to actually let out any moans, whines or mewls then you’ll have to try and top her. she likes being in control, showing she can be the dominant one and give you what you deserve and what she wants to give you. but it‘s very nice to receive that, to be the one looking up at you this time as you take control for a change, even if she doesn’t admit it.

keeps a mental competition with herself, she made you cum 8 times last time? she’s beating that record to show she‘s the best and the only one who can make you feel this good.

she loves when you’re teary eyed and gazing up at her, mouth open in a silent scream of pleasure as she has a hand wrapped around your throat in a light squeeze, claws tenderly grazing your skin while she thrusts into you at an animalistic pace.

as much as she likes to praise you, when she’s had a rougher day than usually or kids or even the other animatronics seemed to get on her nerves then she will degrade you, hissing out words that would make others angry and sad but only make you more aroused.

”look at ya, such a dirty slut. taking my strap like a whore. you like this don’t you?” “m, aah hah, mhm! love it, roxy! more haah, more please!” “what a slut, getting off on my words. i’ll fuck ya real nice. just like a bitch in heat such as yourself wants.”

pretty possessive, constantly repeating “you’re mine. mine, all mine. mine mine mine” while she fingers or fucks you. and besides sex she’s constantly watching you or near you, if you’re not in the same room as her she’ll start to feel insecure and take her annoyance out on others as she searches for you.

she‘s pretty decent at aftercare too. tries to slowly put up her walls and pretend that “you dont need my help, you’re strong enough to take me” but she’ll comply when she sees the exhausted look in your eyes as you weakly grab a washcloth for yourself. which she takes from your hands as she grumbles to herself and wipes you off.

she doesn‘t sleep or exactly need sleep since she’s an animatronic, so she’ll simply hold you closer on clingier nights and let you fall asleep to the sound of her robotic breathing.

it’s an ego boost if you thank her and remind her how good she was and how nice she made you feel. it goes straight to her head and she might even boast about it to Monty if they get in an argument again.

”oh yeah? well i had y/n screaming my name last night!” “what… the actual fuck, roxanne.”

[brrrritscoldinhere]

Cuddles + wolfstar because im in a sad mood and I need the fluff

- Remus is taller so he’d be the bigger spoon

- Sirius pretends to hate that he’s smaller but he (not so) secretly enjoys being warm all over with his boyfriends arms around him

- they like to cuddle everywhere, like legit everywhere bro

- during meals Sirius would be sitting in Remus’ lap with the werewolf feeding him bits of food

- James finds it disgusting while Lily finds it adorable

- you know how wolves like to scent their mates to make sure no other wolf comes up to them and flirt?

- Remus is kinda like that but minus the actual scenting

- he just kinda likes to bury his face into Sirius’ neck as he’s holding up

- and he rests his chin on Sirius’ shoulder

- so basically he’s just as much as a dog as Sirius

- OH AND SPEAKING OF DOGS

- when Sirius turns to Padfoot he’s just this ball of affection and love

- so constant cuddles

- he curls up in Remus’ lap a lot and like takes a nap

- and obligated by LAW you cannot move when a dog is sleeping because it’ll wake it up

- so once, for four hours, Remus sat in the common room, reading his book and occasionally stroking Padfoot’s head

- butterfly kisses are exchanged as well during cuddling (when Sirius was human ofc)

- they also like to give each other soft kisses on the forehead and nose

- there was once where Sirius didn’t want to stop kissing Remus all over his face and neck, so he literally did not stop until Remus was red-faced and laughing his ass off, nearly yelling for him to stop

- OH and they hold hands too

- so like with Remus’ arms wrapped around Sirius, his hands would just grab onto Sirius’ fingers and just. Hold.

- and they would fall asleep like that, just hand holding and cuddling and being soft boyfriends

[asingleheart-shapedbraincell]

Obey Me! Brothers as Werewolves

Lucifer

Gonna remind everyone now that alpha theory was disproven and actual wolf packs act as family units

That being said - alpha, clearly

Not because he's the strongest (though he is) but because he's the most nurturing

Considers all his brothers (and you) to be his responsibility and under his care

Second biggest in wolf form (next to Beel)

Thick, dark fur, great in winter but in summer hates how hot and itchy it gets. Shedding his winter coat is an EVENT. Scratch him and fluff just falls out by the handfuls

Hates how patchy he looks when shedding, very grumpy when its happening

Refuses to ask for help when it comes to brushing out his coat, but if you're somewhere private he is very happy to just lie there whilst you brush out all that itchy loose fluff

Also just very nice to pet in general, but rarely let's you outside of softer moments :/

Not outwardly aggressive - when correcting his brothers behaviour hes more likely to just growl softly instead of going for a full snarl. If he actually shows his teeth then things are serious and you might want to have some final words with your jugular

Isn't very affectionate in public, but is very protective - wherever you go, if hes in his wolf form hes by your side, or at the very least is keeping an eye on you

If anyone he doesnt like the look of approaches you, he calmly places himself between the two of you. If that isn't enough trust me, a staring contest with those eyes isn't going to last long

Mammon

Pretty boyyo

White fur thats not nearly as thick and long as Lucifer's but still has a substantial ruff

Uses his wolf form to run away from loan sharks a lot (hey, four legs are quicker than two, right?)

Also loves the attention he gets from girls - he knows he's handsome in both forms, but girls say it more when they think he can't understand them

Sheds the least of all the brothers, but since his coat is so pale his hair is more noticeable so he still gets flack for getting it on the furniture

Hes still needy as a wolf

You know those videos of huskies throwing massive tantrums??? Yeah, hes on that level, his dramatics only kept in check by his tsundere nature

Loves it when you pet him. He'll pretend he doesn't, but the second you stop hes gonna start whining

(Doesn't) hate it when you baby-talk him

Not generally aggressive within the pack, just prickly - maybe a growl or a huff here and there, maybe a snap if someone's really pushing his buttons

He is possessive tho

Will physically put himself between you and other people to get your attention. If the other person doesn't take the hint, then he's showing teeth

If you don't let him sleep in the room with you, you'll open your bedroom door the next day and find him curled up outside

Definitely wants to put his head in you lap and have you stroke him til he falls asleep but refuses to admit it

Gets jealous if you're petting another brother at the same time as him and will throw a tantrum and try to shove them away from you

He was your first pact, which means he has first dibs on all cuddles!!!! What do ya mean that's not a rule??? Thats totally a rule!!!!

Leviathan

'Hes not dog friendly'

Spends very little time in his wolf form (its hard to game without opposable thumbs)

Does sometimes shift out of shock tho

Like, if you kiss him unexpectedly, poof! There's a wolf infront of you, who's blushing lobster red underneath all that fur

Will hide under the bed

✨separation anxiety✨

Glued to your side in wolf form, because he doesn't like or trust other people or wolves (and definitely NOT because he likes your company and wants you to maybe pet him 😳😳😳)

Kinda likes that you can't see him blushing when he's in wolf form

Will lie next to you and wait for you to initiate pets. Especially loves it when you scratch him behind the ears.

Because hes a shut in and doesn't spend a lot of time in his wolf form, his fur is the messiest - patchy winter coat, small tangles, really just needs a good brush (but only if you do it)

Not really aggressive to others, just not friendly. Maybe a growl every now and then, and sometimes a tantrum gets thrown, but thats it

Satan

Still quite cat-like

Hes not going to be throwing any loud husky-like tantrums

Doesn't like that he can't read books in wolf form (difficult to turn pages without hands) but does enjoy the emotional release for his anger when it comes to hunting Hell-Hinds and other demonic deer.

Fur is short, sleek, a lovely pale gold and well-kept (when it isn't bloodied by his most recent hunt)

When he isn't hunting he does enjoy stretching out infront of a fireplace and warming his fur

Is unopposed to being brushed when he's in the position, and may even allow you to pet his head gently, but thats it

Might lay his head in your lap tho

Sheds the least of all the brothers

Still tries to control his temper in wolf form, but you better hope he maintains it because those teeth can issue you a one-way ticket to the afterlife

Sometimes snaps or growls at his brothers, but is more likely to just leave the room if they're annoying him. If they're in his room then they're getting chased out with their tail between their legs (except Lucifer who wouldn't invade his space like that)

Asmodeus

Who's a pretty boy???? Who is???

Its him!!!!!!

Friendliest of all the brothers, if only because he loves the attention people give him

Will walk up to you and just wait for the compliments (not unusual, tbf)

Doesn't love the hunting side of being a wolf - mud???? Blood??? Sweat???? In MY fur??????? I don't think so

Only really partakes when necessary, or if he's decided to go for a roguishly disheveled look that day

Uses his wolf form as an excuse to get affection that would be less appropriate in his human form - belly rubs, giving you puppy-dog eyes to be let up onto the bed, getting you to give him a bath - stuff that Lucifer would be more likely to reprimand him for when he wasn't a wolf

Softest fur of all the brothers - sleek, silky and always throughly brushed out, even when shedding. Plus, loves being pet so long as you don't mess up his fur too much.

Beelzebub

GOOD BOY GRANDE

The biggest of boys, the goodest of boys

Loves being in wolf form because its even easier to get food from people

You think his puppy eyes are bad NOW??? WAIT UNTIL HES AN ACTUAL PUPPY

Very comfortable in his wolf form, spends the most time out of all the brothers like that

Has absolutely no shame begging food from people's tables, no matter where you are. Also has no shame stealing food from people's tables, but will whine and act ashamed if they yell at him

Dont yell at him. He's baby.

Incredibly fluffy red coat, that and the amount of muscle underneath makes him the biggest wolf in the pack by far

Big doggy grin that could melt any heart

So tall that when he wags his tail you have to make sure it doesn't sweep everything off the table

Also loves being pet and doesn't mind baby talk at all. You can treat him like an actual dog and he won't get mad - he'll play fetch with you if you really want, but as a warning, the stick might end up more than a little chewed

Will, however, also go digging through people's bins

Also kinda slobbery

Is pretty much never aggressive, but then again, who would be stupid enough to provoke something with that much muscle and teeth???

If you scritch the right spot behind his ear his leg kicks out. He's not ashamed. More scritches pls.

But his favourite spot for scritches are under his jaw and his chin

WHAT ARE YOU EATING??? HEY!!! NO!!!! WHAT IS IN YOUR MOUTH???? BEEL YOU CANT EAT CHOCOLATE WHEN YOURE A WOLF!!!!! DROP IT!!!! DROP IT!!!!

Belphagor

Smallest of the wolves

Enjoys sleeping in wolf form because the fur adds an extra level of cosiness

You will just find him curled up in a nest of pillows with his nose tucked under his tail. Or flopped across a sofa, until Lucifer yells at him to get off the furniture

Has that intense stink-eye that some huskies are capable of.

Sometimes forgets to shift, or can't be bothered and will just wander around attempting to do people things until he realises hes in the wrong body - you ever gone to brush your teeth and then realised you need hands for that???

Definitely walks around holding his cow pillow in his mouth, or sometimes a plushie

Or dragging a blanket

Honestly its very cute

Does enjoy being gently pet as his drifts of to sleep

Which is good because his fur is always mussed up from his last nap

But if he falls asleep on you???? You're not moving. Sorry not sorry. This is your life now.

Little wolf bleps when he sleeps ➖👅➖

Has definitely vomited in Lucifers shoes as a wolf at least once, simply out of spite

Thick fur, but not long. Sheds a lot, but his fur is so dark you don't see it as much.

Lets out little muffled woofs and yips when he sleeps, and twitches when he dreams of running

If you scratch the right spot when hes sleeping, his leg will kick out the same as Beels, but if you do it when hes awake he'll get embarrassed and either leave, or give you a warning nip

The most aggressive with other pack members - hes just kinda bratty. Huffs a lot and is quick to give out little nips when he isn't happy, though he isn't much of a growler and never goes farther than that

Won't play fetch like Beel, but if you're REALLY lucky, he'll bring you a plushie of your own when he joins you for a nap

(Also, im relatively new to the game, I know there was a vampire event, if there was a werewolf event im unaware of it atm, but this is just for fun anyway)

[tsukasageorge]

you want me, i want you, but love will devour us all too quickly

WARNING: these poems discuss dark topics such as death and suicide. if you're not in the mood for something sad (or long) please take care of yourself and don't read this.

you

you are calm bordering on indifferent bordering on apathetic

which you're glad to be

but when you do get mad you throw darts at the board

and you are too upset to aim, so you miss

and you miss

and you miss

and every hole in the wall is another hole in your heart

until you collapse to the floor, bleeding.

want

you want to be an actor or an artist or an animator but you still remember when you didn't want to be anything but gone.

you want to be loved by all, but you told me all those years ago that love and hate aren't so different.

you want to be pretty, skinny, funny, smart, strong, fast, talented. back then you wanted to be kind too, didn't you? oh, how time flies.

you want to be more than you are, and that's okay, but it doesn't mean

that you will ever

be more

than nothing.

me

you always did tell me you loved me.

not to my face

but to my hair when you braided it before we went to bed

to my hands when you squeezed them and promised me it'd be alright

to my shoulders when you happily wrapped your arms around them

and to my eyes

my eyes that refuse to leave you

even after the black body bag is wheeled out of sight.

I

I lay in the barkchips on warm summer evenings to watch the stars and see if they've changed

slowly but surely they move across the sky like snails

and i think about how even though they're already dead

they're still on a journey

their light touching planets an unfathomable distance away

i think about how those stars went up in flames and brought their whole solar system down with them

and I think about how we look at those stars and see them as beautiful, not as things that raised billions of organisms just to kill them one day.

im sure that there is just as much blood on my hands as there is on those stars

and i can only hope that some way, some how, i can make up for all the people who's lives i stole

by ending my own.

want

perhaps the want is where it all started.

a tiger hunts its prey not because it wants to, but because it needs to.

a rabbit runs from a wolf not because it wants to, but because it needs to.

life is pushed by need

and only when you no longer need

can you begin to want

humans survived the need

but be careful, the rabbit warns

want will swallow you whole.

you

you don't remember all the times that you ran ahead of me when we were little

never asking me where we should go next

only leaving me to clean up after you

but i do

and you don't remember the time you had a panic attack and ran through the forest and got lost, but you do remember me hugging you after we finally found each other and really, that's all that's worth remembering.

you pretend you don't remember the time i showed up at your house mid-mental breakdown and begged you to tell me why she did that to me. why she said that when i was just a little kid, when i loved her more than myself.

and i pretend i don't remember you making me packet hot cocoa and calming me down and binge watching game shows together until we fell asleep on your bed

i guess we thought ignoring it would be best

but id give away my heart, my body, and my soul to have one more night like that with you

even knowing what I'd wake up to the next day

because I never wanted to let you die

somewhere that wasn't in my arms.

but

all the other towns have found their river

all the other cities have built their dams

i sit by a muddy puddle

watching the frog that sits in it

hoping that one day it'll leap away and show me the way

but it's dead

and i'm dead

and you're dead

i may not be able to feel love

but i think i can understand

the fear of losing it.

love

you are nothing without love.

you can have your fancy car

and your pathetic little family

you can work as hard as you want

for as long as you want

until your flesh tears from bone, for all I care

but nothing you do will ever matter

because you can't feel it.

love is the only light in this world.

love is the only joy in this world.

without it you are useless.

so, so useless.

will

a want is where it started and a will is where it ended.

you wanted to love me

i wanted to love you

and so we did.

we loved.

i said i wanted to spend my whole life with you

but life can only get you so far,

so let's give death a try, huh?

as it turns out, a will to live and a will to lie

are not so different after all.

devour

you're never really satisfied, you know.

you're like a black hole

breathing in galaxies but never breathing out

I hope one day you learn that

you can devour as many planets as you want

but that will never fill the void inside of you.

us

we're like a firework in a pond

a wheel that bounces instead of turns

lily pads scattering the halls

a sky on fire, we watch the clouds burn.

we're like a long car ride at midnight

a painting of pinocchio 

the three blue eyes on the wall

a tiger chasing a doe

and we set the sky on fire

we watch the world burn

but none of it matters

we'll all be devoured soon anyways.

all

on a warm summer night, as we were lying in the bark chips you told me

about life. about death. about flaws.

and you told me people are all the same

spending their time trying to honor the dead

rather than celebrate the living

but you suppose you don't mind

recieving flowers for your suffering

(that's why i always bought bouquets for the table.)

you always said that one life is insignificant compared to the planet, the universe.

my question is,

are the fractions worth the same as the whole?

are the many really more valuable than the few?

do we all add up to anything

but tragedy?

you had no answer,

but i asked anyway.

too

we're driving fast through the night

as the shadows chase our car

like monsters drilling minutes into the clock that winds

and winds until it explodes. 

we're going too far too fast and there's sirens begging us to stop but we can't stop. not yet.

i clutch my phone to my chest

still set to the message your mother sent me

and i hope that you can hear me

because we always did have a funny way of reading each other's thoughts.

right now my thoughts are full of

I should have noticed

I should have seen the voices screaming valor winding and winding

and now you've exploded

and what am I left to do but follow in your footsteps yet again?

and i know that you can hear me

because you always did have a funny way of reading my thoughts

but it seems like 

too fast for us

was too little, too late. 

quickly

i never did like time.

the thought of death didn't bother me

hell, heaven, or nothing,

it didn't matter because i wouldn't be alone.

but the way the little red hand ran in circles

feeling the life i had left slip through  my fingers like sand

never knowing how much there was

or how it would run out

felt much worse

than love ever could.

did you find it annoying,

me trailing behind you

talking about how time was too slow and too quick at the same time

never shutting up

or leaving you alone?

probably.

you thought you could get rid of me, didn't you?

well, too bad

im not letting you go just yet.

there's a long road to tomorrow

but it'll be yesterday before we know it.

thank you for reading!

[normal-thoughts-official]

I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOUR BEAUTY AND THE BEAST IDEA. But may I also propose: Magnus cursed from a young age (probably bc of Asmodeus) that anyone who touches him is hurt by a blast of magic he can't control. (This may result in his mother's death). He locks himself away of his own will. Alec teaches then that it's fear that makes him lash out. Featuring: touch starved Magnus.

this idea is GENIUS actually and i love it. tbh me and my friend have a similar idea that we talk to each other about (lol) but it isn't a B&B thing, its more of an adventure AU. anyway, lets go!

so in this universe i guess magnus banished asmodeus like in the original sh verse but asmodeus cursed him with the "everyone you touch will be in indescribable pain" thing. maybe just as revenge, maybe to try and use it as bargaining chip because okay magnus, is it freedom that u want? u want to be able to have ur own friends and ur own life? fine. get me back, and ill leave u alone, and ull be free to have friends again. if not, ull be still isolated just like before. so is it gonna be win-win, or lose-lose?

but magnus doesn't budge because he knows that if he lets asmodeus free things will only get worse not only for him, but for the whole world. he is too dangerous to be out there. so, magnus resigns to his fate

and i guess in this version he wouldnt have a lot of close friends because he had been with asmodeus his whole life before he was cursed, so he was just. alone in his self-imposed isolation with no one to talk to. maybe he enchants the furniture so they gain sentience but they can't really feel pain, so at least he has someone to talk to. god im so fucking sad already

so is the furniture his friends in canon? im not entirely sure how i feel about that but also the idea of ragnor as that clock from the original movie is great. thats my most important thought on the subject ngl

btw its 4 degrees Celsius in here so im typing with gloves on so ull have to excuse my typos i am a mere brazilian and i want death

anyway okay so i guess his friends are like pieces of furniture that he spelled into sentience and they aren't his servants or anything cuz that's gross but they just like, hang out. wow im actually managing to type pretty well all things considered

so at least magnus has people to talk to but he's still touch starved because you know... a clock can't hug you and that'd just be weird. maybe them becoming sentient was an accident? lmao like magnus just wanted to automate some functions like having the clock talk to tell him the time or something and it turned out that they became sentient. possibly his magic is a little fucky because of the curse so that's why that happened? or maybe he just is way more powerful than he realizes and we all know he invented the spells he used to try and automate the things anyway. but if he gets people to talk to, well, he's not complaining

im focusing too much on this. anyway. id also like to note that im making rapha the cook/stove thing because i mean, come on. it's right there

and ok i guess alec comes into this because he uhhhhhh no u know i might go with that izzy thing. so izzy ran away from home because of maryse's bullshit and alec was sent to bring her back. so he was going after her but in the middle of the path there was the whole wolf attack thing that scared off his horse and LUCKILY magnus' house/tower/whatever was right next!!! so of course they take alec and his horse in but also WHOOPS there's a huge snowstorm that lasts for days (par the course for where magnus lives, actually. he DID want somewhere people would avoid. but also i think maybe his magic being fucky has something to do with it) so i guess alec is stuck at magnus' for the foreseeable future

which is HELL for magnus because he is terrified out of his mind that they will accidentally touch and alec will be hurt. and like.... his Constant Crave For Touch is already bad on a regular day, but having someone who could actually hug him in theory just makes it worse, you know? he hasn't interacted with other human beings in so long, just having one there is enough to make his need for touch almost unbearable and just... completely constant. it's hell

so magnus is scared, which means that he keeps to himself. so he tells alec not to go into his room, he tries not to eat at the same time, and other stuff like that, bUT his friends keep sabotaging his plans because they want him to have another friend, jesus christ!! (rapha being like "come on now magnus, you don't want my soup to get cold, do you? i'll be deeply offended. i guess you have no choice but to eat with alec". so magnus goes but the first thing he does is magic his regular table into a gigantic rectangular table with 41908410 seats and seat on on the side opposite to alec. alec just sighs

so like he's constantly coming across as rude because he is trying to avoid alec, alec just doesn't know why

but alec is also a stubborn bitch who goes stir crazy and refuses to just sit around isolated doing nothing while they wait for the stupid storm to finally be over so he can go get his sister. and magnus saved his life, so it's the least he can do to repay him in some way. besides, this is what, the first time that he's been completely away from his mom? for such a long time too? and he's finding that he feels... weirdly free and just relieved and he doesn't want to waste that opportunity with standing idly around alone all day. he had enough of that at home, thank you very much

besides yeah magnus is being rude but alec is used to straight up assholes and abusers (jace. i'm talking about jace. also maryse ofc but mostly jace) and magnus is not that. in fact he makes very polite conversation and is actually pretty fun during dinner, all things considered. he's just.... super private, i guess

AND magnus' friends are all being a nightmare with the making them interact so you know. they end up interacting. and alec makes it a point to help him take care of his house because it is a certified Depression Lair™. magnus can take care of it magically but it's like... so dark and almost suffocating at times and there is stuff like bad painting and piping problems that he never bothered to fix because it isn't affecting the functionality too much but it DOES makes life harder and alec "everything must be at 100% always" lightwood is not here for it so for a few days they are working on fixing the house and... magnus actually feels a lot better when the place has actual sunlight and looks inviting and like a home, he has to admit. when he says that to alec it might be the first time he's given him a real smile and man, is alec smitten

sidenote i guess this means that magnus doesn't exactly... dress well in this au lmaoo i mean it makes sense too because canonically magnus uses dressing up as a way to convey an image of power and untouchability and he doesn't really need that in this AU since he is completely isolated. so i guess he is a bit more like twi magnus - bare-faced and wearing comfortable clothes and the like. this isn't a twi au i'm just saying that it makes more sense for him to dress like that in that context

anyway. after the whole house fixing thing, they officially become friends. it turns out that alec also knows a bit about what it's like to feel isolated and touch-starved (altho he's always had izzy to help in that department, but still) and also what crappy parents are like. magnus shows alec his little mirror that he's enchanted to be able to show him anything he wants and how he uses it to be able to see all the places in the world he'd like to visit - he loves people, he loves culture, and sometimes it's all he can do to watch what's going on in Mumbai and it makes him feel a little better, so, he does that. he also admits that sometimes he catches on some drama happening and uses the mirror to see the people involved and make sure they are okay. kinda like a soap opera of his own but he has the means to interfere and help because of magic, so he will have someone who's struggling with money suddenly find hidden cash or have an "unknown dead relative" give them a lot of money in their will, or something like that. and if he also watches some of their personal drama that unfolds, well. he is lonely and it's not hurting anyone

but magnus doesn't tell him about the curse, and he still makes sure to keep his distance. it stings a little to alec, but it hurts magnus the most because fuck, maybe he just desperately needs someone who will give him the time of day, but he likes this guy and that only makes it harder to keep his distance. he makes it a point to always be at at least two arms length from alec, which alec thankfully respects and doesn't try to get him to breach, but. shit. it's still so hard to not want to just rest his head on his shoulder or get a hug or even fucking touch pinkies like stupid children and he can't. alec even once jokingly suggests that they have a ball since magnus doesn't know how to dance and magnus is actually excited for a second before he remembers that he can't, it would have to mean that alec touches him, and he can't

someone - maybe ragnor - even suggests that maybe he could try gloves and heavy clothing so alec isn't really touching him but magnus refuses to try because he doesn't want to risk it not working and alec getting hurt, because he'd never forgive himself. besides, getting a taste would only make it hurt more. he can't. he can't

but it's alright because at least he has some human company - he loves his friends, he does, fiercely, but it's different when they kind of have no choice but to be with him and also are enchanted creatures. he doesn't even know if they aren't nice to him just because he enchanted them into life, even tho to be fair if he had a choice ragnor wouldn't be that grouchy - and alec makes him laugh and gets him and helped make his place feel more like home, a little bit. and he can pretend that he feels the warmth from alec's body when they are sitting by the fire and feed these crumbs to his desperate need for touch and company

and then the snowstorm ends and it's time for alec to go

honestly, alec himself is kind of heartbroken, but- he loves his sister, and he can't just leave her alone in god knows where, even if he dreads the thought of coming back home now that he's been away from his family for so long. but magnus doesn't want to keep him, and doesn't want alec to feel pity for him, so he's all but pushing alec out of the door (not literally, of course. he can't do that, it would mean touching him) all "go, go, you never know when another storm might start. go see your sister. take my mirror, you can find her more easy". and alec's all "but it's been the only thing-" and magnus waves him off, of course, all "i can always make myself another one. besides, you'll have something to remember me by. now go"

so.... alec goes

and hooo boy magnus is heartbroken and a mess because even tho he knew how much having someone else there helped he had almost forgotten what it was like to be the only human in the house. he just feels extra lonely and even kind of bad about it because hey, his friends are there - not that they begrudge him for it, of course. it's not like they don't also hope for the chance to get out of the house and do other things, but well. they can't. so they understand him. and they know how awful he's feeling right then, but what can they do?

meanwhile alec finds izzy pretty quickly - she's living with this one insufferable villager named clary that alec absolutely can't stand, but- she's happy. and she doesn't want to come back, which alec expected, but he finds that he can't actually insist for her to come back. how could he, when he himself doesn't want to go?

and izzy insists that he stays with her - there's no reason for him to come back. they can stay in the village, and work, and build a life for themselves. alec is the only thing she's been missing ever since she left, and in here the both of them can actually be happy. and do it together, like they're meant to

and when he first gets into the village is the first time since izzy ran away that he was hugged and fuck, it's hard to say no to her

but also... he misses magnus already

and he doesn't know if he can just stay and leave him behind

and of course izzy is like "who is magnus?" so alec tells her the story, how he was attacked by wolves and rescued by this house that miraculously was in the middle of the single most inhospitable placealec had ever seen in his life. and the kind but wary stranger who always keeps his distance but seems so eager for connection, who made alec feel welcome and laugh and feel like he built a life for himself there

and clary tells him that she's heard of the story, but she never knew it was more than a legend - no one really remembers what happened. some say that magnus made a sacrifice to rid the village of a demon, and it turned him into a beast, forever locked in his castle. some say that he himself is the demon, and it's the tower that's containing him and keeping the village safe. some even say that he died battling the demon, and it's his ghost that keeps watch on the tower

she wants alec to explain which one is true, but it's all alec can say that none of these are right and he knows nothing because magnus never told him. all alec knows is that he doesn't want to leave magnus behind

and clary is like... well, if he's not a demon or a ghost, maybe we could bring him to the village too. he has magic, right? he could bring the tower closer. and maybe the other villagers could, you know, visit him and hang out. and he wouldn't be as lonely, and then alec and izzy could both stay

driven by this failproof plan, they decide to go back to magnus and tell him their great idea

except they are IDIOTS and forget about. you know. the damn wolves

and like holy shit is this pack big or what? like no seriously why are there infinite wolves in that one singular pack in beauty and the beast. like holy shit dude there's more wolves near the beast's house than in the whole yellowstone park

anyway there are Many Wolves and while alec is a good archer, izzy is a fantastic fighter, and clary is Fucking Crazy if you give her something stabby, there's only so many wolves they can take on at the same time

good thing magnus is a pining idiot who did in fact make himself another magic mirror and was watching alec with it. so he knows that the dumbass is in trouble and for the first time in years, he uses the portal (his own invention, and he had never gotten to use it before!) to get to them and fight off the wolves

so magnus saves all their lives, at the cost of getting severely injured and passing the fuck out. izzy, who's the one closest, runs to get to him and help put him on one of their horses... and is immediately hit by a blast of magic that almost makes HER pass tf out too

which is when they finally learn that, oh. that is the curse

izzy is fine, of course - the pain ended as soon as she was away from magnus

but it does pose the problem of How The Fuck Are They Getting Him Back To Safety, because they can't exactly wait for magnus to wake up (it's freezing, for starters) but with this amount of pain it won't be physically possible for them to hoist him up and get him on the horse. shit, will the curse work on the horse?

they bring alec's horse (by far the strongest of them because alec is huge buff mcgee) and try to get him to touch magnus and the spell does NOT work on the horse because in order to be dramatic asmodeus was like "you shall never feel human touch again" when he cast the spell, which accidentally gave a LOOPHOLE for non-human animals. so magnus could have had cats the whole time, which he had always dreamed of, but he didnt want to risk testing. besides, his house would be a poor environment for a cat and [self torture noises]

anyway thats one less problem to deal with, 99 to go, so they use some ropes to hoist magnus on top of the horse and bring him back to the tower (it's closer than the village) so they can tend to his wounds. thankfully, as the assigned Big Brother of a very irresponsible izzy, alec has experience with first aid, altho he never really dealt with anything quite this bad. and magnus' friends help, too, as much as they can. inevitably this means that alec ends up touching him even if by accident sometimes, but he knows what to expect so he Powers Through It because he won't let magnus die, damn. and as horrible as that is alec has experience with powering through pain, so. he's gonna bandage him up god damn it

izzy can't stand to see him dealing with that himself tho, so she helps, and clary ends up helping as well because they figure sharing the pain makes it easier and alec doesn't have to be too hurt. minimal touching accidents for alec! good

*narrator voice* And Then Magnus Wakes Up And Alec Hugs Him

full on launches on top of him and brings him into his arms and Magnus screams like NONONO OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING ALEC NO GET OFF ME YOU'LL BE HURT and his shock and distress at the whole thing sends another whole blast of magic that explodes that whole mf before it can touch alec and alec feels no pain and magnus is like.............. did i just COUNTER the spell? and everyone's like well! it looks like u did!

which earns him ANOTHER hug (oh my god alec stop he's so stressed out by this) (who knew alec was so touchy?) and this time he's paying attention to that gut reaction and because magnus is a Certified Magic Genius he realizes what it is that he's doing to counter the spell and immediately starts working on a way to turn this into unhexxing himself for good

which he DOES after some time idk how long but alec stays with him meanwhile and maybe izzy and clary do too, because magnus needs all the company he can get and besides, izzy has always wanted adventure and clary has never left the village before, so this is interesting to them at least. and magnus gets to meet new ppl which is nice

eventually the Begone Spell spell is performed and it works and turns out that when it does that it also unfucks magnus' magic and perfects his sentience spell turning all of his friends into humans WOW WHOD HAVE THOUGHT. so all of them are free to leave the tower as ppl at the same time and GROUP HUG!! and magnus cries like a baby in the group hug because holy shit hes been needing something like this so bad for so long and he never expected to have that with his friends but here he is :)

and then yeah they all move to the village to live a simple but fulfilling life and Magnus and Alec start living together in a little cottage and become husbands the end <3 this is so long too rip me

[intoanothermind]

Beauty Queen - Chapter 10

B E A U T Y   Q U E E N

Synopsis: You are the Ice Princess of Narnia during the Long Winter. Your sister Jadis, the White Witch, hates that you’re always helping Narnians escape prision. She decides to hunt you down and you have to run away from the palace. What happens when you find the four humans lost in Narnia?

- Edmund Pevensie x reader

Masterlist

<Chapter 9 | Chapter 11>

(There’s probably a lot of errors, but I just translated real quick because there’s been ages since I updated.)

—-

C H A P T E R   T E N

They walked through the snow that lazily melted. Their footprints showed the path they passed through towards the frozen river. Of course, no one could erase the footprints so the maximum they could do was to speed up the pace so they wouldn't get caught.

“Come on, humans! While we are young!’ yelled Mr. Beaver, who went ahead to show them the way.

“If he rushes us again...” Peter said, bending so Lucy could jump on his back. “I'll make him into a very cute hat.”

Susan let out a quiet laugh.

“Quick! Come on!” cried the Beaver, a few meters in front of others.

“He's getting bossy!” said Lucy.

“No!” cried Mrs. Beaver. ”Look behind you! It's her!”

They looked and saw a few meters away, a carriage that glided easily through the snow. Lucy jumped off Peter's back and they all ran.

“Run!” cried Mr. Beaver.

They heard the reindeer hooves getting closer and closer and knew it wasn’t a good thing. They ran across the snowy field and came to the edge of a forest, where they spotted a small cave between the roots of a tree. They saw the snow fall slightly to his feet only when they saw a big fat shadow walk close to the rock where they were hidden behind. They could see the person's shadow reflected in a snowy dune in front of them. They saw the shadow moving away, almost giving up.

They looked at the dune curiously while the beaver sniffed the air in a desperate manner.

“It seems...” whispered Lucy. “That it’s gone.”

“I better go see it.” said Peter, about to come out of hiding.

“You will not serve Narnia dead.” said the Beaver, turning to the opening.

“And neither do you, old man.” said Mrs. Beaver.

“Thank you darling.”

That being said, the Beaver got out of hide, sniffing and crawling to find out if they were gone or not. There were moments of tension between those present. Suddenly, the beaver appears on the edge of the rock, causing Lucy to cry out.

“Get out! Get out!” said the Beaver. “I hope you’ve been nice, because you have a visitor!” And then left.

They came out of hiding, a little afraid. In front of them was a fat man with a white beard. He wore a wine red cloak over ordinary red.

The man laughed.

“Merry Christmas, sir.” said Lucy, approaching.

“For sure, Lucy.” He said, his voice hoarse. “Ever since you arrived.”

“ Look, I can take a lot of things since I arrived...” Susan said to Peter. “But this!”

“We thought you were the Witch!” interrupted Peter, addressing the man.

“I'm sorry, sorry for the bad way, but I must say that I've been driving one of these for longer than the Witch.” He said, referring to the carriage.

“I thought there was no Christmas in Narnia.” said Susan, also approaching him.

“No.” the man replied. “Not for a long time. But the hope you have brought, Your Majesties... it begins to weaken the Witch' power. However, I dare say you might need these.”

He turned and took a big red bag from the sled .

“Gifts!” said Lucy, excited.

The man opened the bag, revealing boxes, teddy bears and many other things. He took out a small dagger sheath and a flask with a dark liquid.

“The juice of the fire flower.” he said, showing them the vial. “A single drop heals any wound.”

He handed the vial carefully to Lucy, who studied it carefully.

“Although I hope you never use it...” he said, handing her the red scabbard that contained a small dagger.

“Thank you, sir, but...” said Lucy. “I wouldn't be able to not be afraid.”

“I bet you would.” he replied. “But battles are ugly fights.”

Lucy nodded and walked away. The man picked up a basket of arrows with an ornate bow.

“Susan.” and called her and Susan approached. “Trust this bow. It will almost never go wrong.”

Susan took the bow.

“But didn't you say that battles are ugly fights?” she asked.

He laughed.

“Although I have no trouble expressing myself...” he said, showing her a small white trumpet. “blow this, and wherever you are the help will come.”

“Thanks.” she said.

The man turned and took a sheath from a large sword.

“Peter.”

The boy approached, afraid.

“The time to use this may be close.” said the man, handing him a sword and a shield.

Peter drew his sword and they all could see that there was something written on the blade.

“Thank you sir.” said Peter analysing it.

“They're guns, not toys. Use it well and wisely. Now I need to go. Winter is the almost at the end...” he said, turning to the big bag into the sleigh. “and everything accumulates when you disappear for a hundred years.”

He turned to everyone and said, before getting on the sled.

“Long live Aslam! And Merry Christmas!”

And he was gone, while everyone shouted different farewells.

“I said he was real!” said Lucy, turning to Susan.

“He said that winter...” said Pedro. “it's almost over.” and turned concerned to the girls and the beavers. “Didn't you notice?!”

When the girls looked at him confused, he continued.

“No more ice.”

~ * ~

Y/N ran like never before. She heard the howling of the wolves behind her. She could almost be sure that they would surround her from the front too, but didn't have much time left. She could try a spell, but that would only slow them down a bit. She could fight, but there were too many and they would surely defeat her. She needed a more complete plan. Then, while running through the forest, trying to lose them, she finally looked at the trees. Of course! The trees! She could hide in the trees for a while, until she was sure the wolves were far away.

Then, without warning, she brought up an extensive wall of ice in the snow between her and the wolves. And while they were thinking about how to overcome the obstacle, she quickly climbed a tree, a little further away. She used a spell to hide her scent and make it seem like she continued running. When the wolves came around the ice wall, they moved on without noticing Y/N's location. When she was sure that the howls were gone in the distance, she descended from the tree and continued her walk towards the frozen river. She knew that there would be the best way to go towards the Stone Table. She just didn't think she would see a shocking scene before that.

Several meters ahead of her, near the frozen waterfall, was the three Pevensie with the beavers, surrounded by the wolves that chased her on both sides. And their voices were propagated to her.

“Go while you can.” said the wolf, approaching them and forcing them to join closer to the liquid water. “and your sister goes with you.”

“Stop, Peter!” shouted Susan above the noise of the ice breaking. “Better do what he says!”

“Smart girl.” said the wolf.

“Don't believe him!” shouted the beaver, struggling. “Kill him! Kill him now!”

Y/N looked around uneasily. She knew that Maugrin was lying, but wouldn’t be able to reach them time. She would be caught by the wolves before that. But she needed to do something to help them. Next to her there wasn’t much she could use, but then she returned her gaze to the discussion the just a few meters away from the frozen waterfall. The waterfall!

“Oh, please, that war isn’t yours!” Said the wolf, getting closer. “My queen just wants the good of your family and they disappear.”

“Look, just because a man in red handed you a sword, you can’t pretend you’re a hero!” Susana said. “Put it down!”

“No , Peter!” cried the beaver. “Narnia needs you! Kill him while you still have a chance!”

Y/N quickly gathered the snow that was on the banks of the river and transformed it into an bow of ice. She also made some arrows of ice and aimed right at the waterfall, at its weakest point. Ice and snow were her specialty, so even from afar, she could make out the weakest part that had been frozen. She lauched five arrows in that point, which went unnoticed by all.

“How will it be, Son of Adam?” asked the wolf, near Peter's sword. “I won’t wait forever. Neither will the river!”

Y/N threw her bow and arrow in the floor, and it quickly returned to snow. She concentrated on the crack she had made in the waterfall. Melting the ice was far more difficult than forming it, but she always did it anyway. This time, however, instead of helping, the adrenaline was holding her back. Then she gave up trying to melt the ice, she needed to think about something else. And fast.

Lucy looked at the waterfall. It was collapsing.

“Oh no!” She murmured to herself and then shouted. “Peter!”

Y/N then had an idea. She stared at the frozen waterfall, that was starting to crack, and the extended her hands in front of her.

Peter looked desperately for the next safe thing to do.

“Hold on to me!” He shouted.

With a sudden movement, Y/N pulled her arms away, and the waterfall came down.

[shadowhunterspolycule]

the first major snowfall in ages finally hit nyc recently and all im imaging is the Polycule attaching snowboards and the such to the back of simons van and them just being happy with snow day activities

oof, this ask is from so many months ago, i'm so sorry. i was very busy. i'm also not sure how great my answer will be because i'm a whole ass brazilian so i have no idea what snow day activies are, but i will try anyway

so, major advantages: meliorn has magic and maia is a werewolf and if i'm not mistaken it's said or implied that werewolves have a higher core body temperature than humans. or maybe i made that up, but it's canon for me

major disadvantages: raphael and simon are vampires, which means that technically they are kind of "cold-blooded" creatures? i mean they would still have other important temperature regulating mechanisms such as mitochrondrial heat production and muscle contraction, but they basically don't have a heartbeat/blood flow/arguably blood at all, which is a major way of regulating core temperature, and canonically their skin feels pretty cold, so like. they probably are more suscetible to temperature changes is what i'm saying (i'm mostly going off this source [link] for this. i'm already overthinking this answer good job me)

plus i am once again saying that raphael is from guadalajara which means that like me he is used to Worm Temperchoores, like, WAY warmer than NYC's, and he grew up without pretty much any kind of snow at all. and sure he's lived in NYC for years so he's SOMEWHAT used to the cold but he still spent his formative years in guadalajara, so like. he fucking hates the cold, is my point

but back to major advantages: meliorn and magic! which means they can do something about it. don't ask me what, but i'm sure they can do Something. i mean i'm sure to some extent the downworld has already figured out a solution to this problem cuz while it might not kill them (since they're immortal) it is very uncomfortable and probably makes them slower, which is a disadvantage to say the least. plus raphael has magnus who knows that raphael is a grumpy ass in the cold. also i think java is similarly hot so magnus Gets It, but idk what the temperatures usually are in jakarta

anyway my point is that magnus probably got some coats/vests/blankets spelled for his boy so they can keep him toasty (since they are otherwise kinda useless for vampires since they rely on trapping body heat and vampires don't have any) and vampires in general probably have access to that kinda stuff, but still, rapha gets grumpy and his face is still cold and everything is just awful and he doesn't understand how gringos do it. his complaints fly for about 2 days before the New Yorker Squad™ (particularly simon and maia, who drag clary and inevitably everyone else is there) decides that they've had enough of this and that raphael will learn how to enjoy the snow

he is like "i am not willingly going into the snow! you don't understand, i'm a vampire, i won't get back my body heat the way you do". simon: "i literally am also a vampire". raphael: "you're just a fledgeling, you wouldn't understand" "i've been a vampire for like, ten years!" "seven" "same thing" "it's so not the-" "i have gone through enough winters to be able to understand, and you, sir, are going to learn to enjoy the snow. have you EVER even made a snow angel?" "no" "well this changes today"

he literally has no excuse because meliorn has this super sweet spell that keeps him from losing heat so like. he doesn't even need a coat (he's still wearing it and preferably also a scarf and gloves because he is, first and foremost, dramatic) so he is forced to have a day off and go play in the snow, woe is him

(he tells the clan that should they need anything they should ring him, but they're like "nah simon has promised us pictures of you in the snow, we can handle ourselves" and it's not like raphael is too busy these days, really)

anyway! they have fun. simon strikes me as the winter lover kind of person altho really i think he enjoys all seasons in their own way, but like... hot chocolate and scarves and snow fights, yes? and while i think maia might prefer warmer temperatures she can double enjoy herself in the snow now that she's a werewolf because she gets less cold and like, damn, tell me that being a wolf and jumping headfirst into a pile of snow wouldn't be fun. you can't, unless you're a bad taste bitch

i also think maia is the building snow forts kind of gal because, idk, she just looks that way. and sure she's excited about kicking everyone's asses during snowball fight but FIRST she needs to have a full fort complete with towers and windows for her to throw snowballs from and shit

rapha is the one that helps her build it the most cuz he likes the motions and besides it is a little less energetic than whatever it is that the rest of these wackos are doing. again izzy didn't get any chances to play in the snow either so naturally clary is dragging her around from snow activity to snow activity and running around everywhere and holy shit they have so much energy. simon is there as well naturally and eventually they make it their goal in life to ruin maia's and rapha's fort, which ends up kickstarting the mandatory snowball fight. even tho maia only has a half complete fort

(eventually when everyone has left maia and rapha will come back and finish the fort. it's the principle of the thing. raphael also wants to build an igloo or some shit and maia rolls her eyes but actually i can see him being into building snow things? it's just soothing and nice and quiet and he can pretend there's Elegance and Finesse to it)

and meliorn is just watching them curiously the whole time because of course they know snow but they dont really know about Snow Activities these funky little non-seelies dedicate themselves too. i feel like the seelies have their own snow activities, maybe like, festivals? dances with the snowfall and games to welcome the change in the environment, that sort of thing. but they are nothing like snow angels ("it doesn't look like an angel in the slightest, just like you kept moving your legs and arms in the snow" "thats what it is" "right, so...?") or snowmen ("also doesn't look like a man" "meliorn we aren't exactly artists") or snow fights (altho that one they can appreciate) and they're really interested in like participating even though they dont understand and everyone has to keep telling them that it's Not That Deep and izzy is so amused she just kisses them one billion times

eventually they start doing it just to get more of those laugh-filled kisses of hers

also at least one of them, probably izzy of rapha or meliorn since they are the snow ignorant ones of the group, is absolutely horrible at making snowmen. probably izzy tbh because shadowhunters dont exactly have a knack for these things. like clary's snowman is all artistic and simon's is fun and creative, maia's is pretty, raphael's and meliorn's look like the Platonic Ideal Of A Snowman, and izzy's looks like A Pile Of Dirt. clary giggles at it for an embarrassing amount of time, which inevitably leads to izzy taking the snow from her snowman to throw snowballs at clary and triggering a new snowfight

and then they have some soup inside and cuddle under a blanket as they fight over what they should watch and all is well with the world

[ghostvibin]

happy birthday @interxstitial 🖤

( let’s pretend i posted this at 12:00AM your time, okay thanks. yes, time is just a concept. ahhhhh, it’s vesji week! [as if we aren’t living in vesji year already bahaha] )

vesper wasn’t the best at parties or birthdays, to be completely honest; however, this never stops him from doing something for jiwon’s birthdays. even if they are simple, he knows that jiwon would enjoy it regardless, of course, aside from the simple things, there’s also those little surprises at the end. all fit for his princess that he loves dearly. so vesper continues picking out some sunflowers, some wilted, mostly still standing tall and proud. it’s a mixture of the two and vesper can already see jiwon’s face light up by the sight of it and he knows what jiwon will do for the wilted ones exactly. an individual passes by him and questions why he’s smiling so much and vesper turns to the individual and simply states. “it’s my soulmate’s birthday today.” they nod their head before heading over to the counter to fix up the bouquet. along the sunflowers are baby-breaths and a few forget-me-nots. all which are picked by their meanings. vesper is elated when he sees the finished product, pays for it with the exact change and bows to the worker as a thank you before he’s heading to his next destination. 

the cold bites at his cheeks, but he’s too focused on creating the perfect surprise for his mate. it still amazes him how all those years of tiptoeing around each other, let alone himself and his feelings and now they are officially together, nearing a year in a few months—but vesper is happy that he gets to celebrate another amazing birthday with his best friend, soulmate, mate and everything he could ever think of. jiwon to him was the sunshine on his rainy days (as cheesy as that can get), he’s the light in his darkness and the one who has saved him more than jiwon could possibly know. there is no one else in his life that could ever make him feel the say that im jiwon feels. to think he would never imprint on anyone, destined to remain a lone wolf leading his father’s pack. oh, how silly of him to think that. he can think of the exact moment he imprinted on jiwon, regardless of his consciousness then. the process started when vesper showed up in front of jiwon’s house, covered in blood (not his own) and jiwon didn’t even blink, didn’t even shut him out.. he helped him. the imprinting process grew more and before vesper knew it, he fully imprinted on jiwon, but he never realized it until that night he showed up as a wolf instead of his human self. jiwon never turned away, practically looked at him like nothing had changed, not even his physique. he knew jiwon was his mate and he was happy to have imprinted on him.

vesper nearly runs into a group of teenagers and scoffs when the group yells out at him and vesper simply flicks the bean at them but when they decide to try anything with him, he snaps his head towards their direction and shines his bright moonlight eyes practically making the group run for their lives. vesper shrugs his shoulders with a mumbled, “must’ve been the fangs.” he continues on his way to his next shop where he gathers a few more items. some wine, a nice bomb bath that smells of honey and would certainly change the color of the water with subtle shimmering gold. he made sure there would be room for bubbles as well. he also decides to get a board where they can place the ipad or laptop on while they enjoy a show or two, perhaps a movie and settle in the bathtub together. aside from the bathtub essentials, he gathers some boxes of incense and a few candles (one can never have too many candles afterall) then he spots the perfect birthday tiara for his birthday princess. 

vesper gets a few more things on his list. one stopping by a jewelry shop. he got a custom necklace made for jiwon. a sunflower pendant with a gold chain, the stem curves to make it look like a j for jiwon, then two matching rings for temporary because he has another plan in the next coming months. he thanks the worker before taking the bag while he texts jiwon to ask about his whereabouts, reassuring to jiwon that he’s fine and just getting a few things, but most important to make sure jiwon wasn’t at home at all - hoping he’s still at practice or treating himself before vesper can shower him in all the love and affection he’s waiting to give tonight. he needs time to cook everything and get everything ready before jiwon comes home. vesper checks out of the store, everything for jiwon’s little surprise complete as he drives back home, greeted by kofi and smiling when the pup jumps to greet him. he goes over the plan, picks out the little hat the pupper would be wearing as he busies himself to prepare for everything. 

hours later, vesper’s got jiwon’s requested food. two bowls of saewoojuk and haemul sundubu jigae to top it off with some bottle of soju and wine, whichever to jiwon’s liking as this is his night an day after all. he eases back, a vase with the bouquet settled on the side just so they can enjoy each other’s company as they eat. vesper already got the bathroom ready, he’ll start up the hot water a little later into their meal. large balloons surround the ceiling with a few tied to the chairs and of course a banner that spells “happy birthday” plastered on the wall and vesper didn’t forget the cake, but that’ll be for later prior to their bubble bath time. it’s when he hears the keys jingling as the doorknob turns and a familiar face comes to view, kofi with his birthday party hat on running to greet jiwon. vesper is smiling at the sight, reminded of how grateful he is to have these two in his life. behind him holds the tiara he found perfect for jiwon and he smiles when their eyes meet. his mate. how lucky did he get? he strides towards jiwon and presents the tiara and places it on jiwon’s head before cupping his face to kiss his soulmate deep on the lips with a whispered, “happy birthday, jiwonnie.” and the night has just begun, but it’s already so perfect.

[helahades]

Araña Picante

(A Peter Parker Drabble) // (Fem!Reader)

Warnings: Light injury. Spanish song with literal translation that makes no sense. If ya know ya know! Peter with a crush.

A/N: I am aware I missed out on the title alliteration of Spicy Spider. It will haunt me later, no doubt. Also, Peter is 22.

Intended for a Spanish speaking reader, but anyone can read!

And the song she sings is a healing one my mom does when my brother gets hurt. Never fails♥️

—

To the unending entertainment of everyone around him, Peter Parker loves spicy food.

Mainly chips. Hot cheetos, Takis, (and most recently, Tapatio Doritos).

He also likes the spicy gas station pickles, the most searing flavor at the salsa bar, and the hottest hot wings.

Of course, while all good things have their limits, Peter has none. He will eat salsa picante and anything that burns until he’s blushed red in the face and with swollen cherry lips smacking and slurping and near drooling fire.

He loves spicy food, but he doesn’t know when to stop, and he refuses to admit when too hot is too hot.

He’ll sit in his chair, spacing out from conversation, only thinking about how the heat in his mouth feels like television static. It’s almost like he only likes food that hurts him. His interest was first piqued, leading to an eventual crush, when he saw you eat a gas station pickle without a jug of water.

—

It’s hot outside. A sweltering, sticky heat wave is sitting over Nueva York, and no one can bear to be out in it unless it’s chased by the coolness of one of Stark’s infinity pools.

For safety reasons, the pool isn’t fully outside. Missile proof, one way glass separates its space from the open air surrounding the roof.

Sitting across from you, Peter can’t help but to stare. His skin is freshly dotted with droplets from the pool he had just pulled himself out of. Those droplets are warming both with today’s peak heat, and the rush of his blood as he watches you absentmindedly wrap your pretty lips around the cherry tip of a Firecracker popsicle.

He doesn’t know where to look. There’s the blue droplet from the base that’s trailing down your chest and disappearing beneath the slick fabric of your one piece. There’s the way your legs are crossed at the ankles and the sheen of your coconutty sunscreen mixes surprisingly pleasantly with the other scents...jugo de sandía, salsa de mango, and the one that’s just barely detectable to the unenhanced that is driving him crazy—that fucking popsicle.

He’s a sweet boy, truly. He would never stare at you so openly, or try to make you feel uncomfortable. In fact, he takes pride in the fact that you don’t keep the same shield up with him that you rightfully do with other male agents—if that’s what he is.

So yes, he has a crush on you, and has since he met you in Germany, fired up and powerful. It was born of the same kind of awe that young guys have for lots of things they’ve never seen before, and only grew upon getting to know you. The smaller, realer you, as opposed to the larger than life reputation that often precedes your presence.

You’re smart, and you’re quick, which isn’t exactly groundbreaking for anyone around here, but his adoration bloomed from other things.

When he was in that airport in Germany, just meeting the Avengers and scared shitless, despite knowing his strength, you were one of the only unenhanced present, looking as if it were the most natural thing in the world! You’re resilient and adaptable.

When everyone was sure he couldn’t keep up when Tony named him an Avenger, that he would crack under the pressure, you smiled encouragingly, and decided to train him a bit. You’re quite the acrobatic fighter yourself, the swooping from the heavens backup—albeit without web shooters—and you had plenty to say about his form.

Just because you can withstand the force of a bad landing, doesn’t mean you should! That’ll catch up to you Peter!

His soul balloons when you say his name, he feels like he’s floating across the city with only sweaty palms for parachutes.

There are plenty of reasons to adore you, but also, he is only (semi)human, and at his most base form, his fast metabolism, his quick beating heart drum beating hot blood, and his dialed up senses make it very hard not to notice reasons to feel very attracted to you.

Peter finds you very pretty.

He finds he loves to listen to your voice. He asks you to explain things he already understands. He goes to every optional meeting if you’ll be speaking. He has, once or twice, listened to that video over and over that you sent to the group chat, telling everyone goodnight. You even say his name in it, chastising him lightly for some dad joke he made.

Your voice is gentle and soft and he loves to catch you singing.

You’re humming something now, onto the slightly wider whiter tip of the popsicle, and Peter thinks he has never known you to eat anything so slow. Turning towards him from your chair, which he senses quickly and looks away casually, you ask him if he’s tried the salsa.

He hasn’t, because even though he loves spicy things, he feels heated enough thinking about your lips that have finally pulled away from that popsicle, graced with cold and sticky sweet syrup. He’s trying not to think about how he could see your tongue working from behind your cheeks, or how you would hum while closing your eyes, reveling in your icy treat’s contrast to this steamy day.

His hand, in all its largeness, crinkles the sides of the bag as he reaches in, and it takes him embarrassingly long to grab one Tapatío chip. At his irritation at that, he scoops up a heaping, and entirely miscalculated scoop of your mango salsa, throwing the entire thing in his mouth.

A moment.

F u c k.

It’s half fruit! How can this be so spicy?

You’re looking at him, trying to gauge his reaction to your recipe, and he’s melting into his chair, hand not so subtly covering his mouth, but he tries to pass it off like he’s in deep thought. About what? Who fucking knows. Maybe about how the hottest woman he’s ever seen makes the hottest salsa he’s ever tasted and how now he just wants to be a popsicle so he wouldn’t ever burn up like this again and have to work so hard just to fail to hide it in front of you.

Then, you tilt your head, fond knowingness spreading across your features as you let slip a light chuckle.

“Oh, precioso,” you giggle, making his burning heart tender, “you don’t have to pretend. I know I made it a little spicier today.”

Then you’re up, handing him your popsicle, which he eats in a couple bites, and stroking his cheek lightly, and singing even lighter and elongating the words into calming poetry.

“Sana sana,

colita de rana

Si no sanas hoy,

Sanarás mañana”

Your touch lights him up, and he feels better actually, but just a little embarrassed, so he settles on smiling over thanks, cherry lips and all. You called him precioso, and he still isn’t over it.

He thinks about how he just wolfed down the popsicle you had been sucking on, and how your cool touch felt against his face.

“Let me get you some water.”

And you're up. Walking back inside, the light floral fabric of your swimsuit coverup swishes with each swing of your hips.

Peter grabs another chip, scoops some salsa—less this time.

He finds the sweetness.

—

(reblogs appreciated)

Im going through a bit of a hard time with the end of the semester, so if you’re wondering where all my “coming soon” s are, they’re coming! I just need time to get homework done :) love y’all! Thank you for reading.

mis amores: @xbuchananbarnes @saintsebastian-stan @honeychicana @avintagekiss24 @honeychicanawrites @invisibleanonymousmonsters @thorsthot

@fvckingavengers you made me love Peter so shoutout! I adore you

♥️♥️♥️

[dogfatherpads]

Remus J. Lupin with a FUCKING BEARD

I just know he gets extra hairy around the full moon. What if one day he just decided he wasn’t going to shave it anymore?

Tbh this is just Wolfstar Slowburn sort of but not really

He sighed as he looked in the mirror. He was already running late and it would take at least 15 minutes if he didn’t want to add new scars to his face. It was just so bloody hard to get up in the morning around this time of the month. His skin itched in anticipation of the pain they would go through in a few short days. His bones hurt, his muscles felt heavy, who cares if he showed up to transfiguration with just a little bit more hair? He could shave it tomorrow, today he was just too tired.

“Moony!! We’re gonna be late lets go!!” James hollered, banging on the bathroom door.

“To hell with it,” Remus threw his razor back in the drawer and pushed his unruly curls out of his face. When did that grow out? He’d just gotten his hair cut three days ago. He huffed aggitatedly and stepped out into the room. “Sorry to keep you lads waiting. Im just so tired this morning,” he began to pick up his books, straightening up just a little when he noticed their staring. “What?”

“You’re um,” Sirius spluttered.

“It’s nothing,” James held up a hand, “now lets go before Minnie gives us detention again. I’ve got a date I don’t want to miss.” Remus rolled his eyes but couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face when looking at James’ fond one. He and Lily were so disgustingly in love and it was wonderful because James in love and happy was less awful than James in love and pining.

“I found a hidden hallway we can take. I was trying to put it in the map last night, I’ll need your help with the spell Prongs,” Remus ran after them, breathless with excitement. “It ends behind that suit of armor just outside of Transfiguration.”

“Brilliant. Stupid staircases are not working in our favor today. Lead the way Rem.”

They’d made it with ten minutes to spare thanks to the hidden hallway and James grinned thankfully at Moony before walking over to Lily’s desk for a chat. Remus slumped in his chair, wishing desperately for the day to pass by quickly so he could get back into bed.

“You look tired Remus,” Lily commented, “go back to bed, I’ll take notes for you.”

He smiled greatfully, “Thank you, but I’ll survive. I will however, steal that hair tie,” he pointed to her wrist and she grinned.

“I wasn’t going to comment on the hair. I like it though, may I?” she asked, moving to stand behind him when he nodded. His eyes seemed to close on their own accord as she raked her fingers through his hair then scooped it all up and tied it at the back of his head. “Looks good. All the muggle rock stars are rocking the messy bun.”

He chuckled and shrugged, “Don’t feel so rock and roll right now, but I like it if it keeps the hair out of my face. Thank you,” he smiled gratfuly. He pulled his things out of his bag as McGonagall started the lesson. “Hey Pads,” he whispered, still searching through his bag, “do you have an extra quill I can borrow?” He looked up to meet Sirius’ eyes and froze. The storm in his eyes was clouded by his furrowed brow, his lips parted slightly. He gulped inaudibly when Remus’ bewildered gaze dropped to his lips. Sirius slid the quill across the table, his eyes never leaving Remus’ face before he stood abruptly, causing his stool to tip over.

“Mr. Black?” McGonagall turned, a frown quickly forming across her face, “are you alright?”

“I’m actually feeling quite ill,” his eyes bore into Remus’; Remus who wanted so desperately to look away but couldn’t tear his gaze from the tempestuous glare. “Please, may I be excused to the infirmary?”

“Very well, do you need someone to accompany you? Mr. Potter,” she motioned to James who was already getting out of his chair, a look of alarm on his face as he looked between Remus and Sirius.

“No,” Sirius finally tore his eyes away from Remus who gasped raggedly, unaware that he’d been holding his breath the entire time. “I think I can manage thank you.” And he was gone.

It took Remus a second to collect himself and when he looked up he met James’ confused stare he could do nothing but shrug as he tried to think of what he had said or done to Sirius this morning or even the night before to make him look at him with such... anger? There wasn’t anything Remus could think of. Sure he’d teased Sirius a little the night before about wearing Lily’s shirt to bed, too be honest it was kind of hot, but no way was Remus going to allow himself to think about that right now. Not about how tight the t shirt had been as it was three sizes too small. Not about how it exposed his hips when he stretched his arms over his head to yawn or threw his head back in boisterous laughter. No, it wasn’t the time to think about that now. Not when his glare had been so intense. The daily lessons seemed endless and Remus was glad when finally it was time for dinner and he could stop pretending to listen about mugwort or goblin wars. He loosened his tie and dumped it along with his books on his bed before stepping into the bathroom. He promised to meet the boys in the dining hall after they visited Sirius in the hospital wing. He hadn’t returned to any of their lessons and James’ expression only grew more suspicious when Remus declined to join them.

“Did you have a fight?” he inquired as he and Peter hurried and stumbled up the stairs to catch up to Remus.

“I’m telling you I don’t know what happened,” the fat lady scoffed when Remus practically snarled the password at her, “one minute I was asking if he had an extra quill, the next he was storming out.”

“Maybe there was a misunderstanding?” Peter suggested, looking to James for an answer.

“Come with us Moony. We’ll sort it out, whatever it is,” James insisted once more at the foot of the stairs to their dorms.

“I’ll meet you at the hall. No way Sirius would willingly spend the night at the infirmary. We’ll sort it out there. Promise.” He hammed it up a bit to get James off his back. It had failed miserably but James didn’t press the issue and escorted Peter out of the common room.

Remus shut the bathroom door and flicked the light on. He startled at his reflection before leaning in a little closer. His usually green eyes were beginning to turn that hazel, almost vile yellow color they usually did when the full moon neared. His skin was pulled almost a little tighter across his face, giving his nose and jaw a sharper more defined look. His canines were becoming longer too, the pointed end sharper. He admired that the beard covered most of the scars that marred his face. Perhaps he wouldn’t shave it off it all. He scoffed at himself. He looked like a crappy extra in some muggle teen romance about vampires and werewolves with the over exaggerated features that somehow no human could seem to realize were not human.

Not human.

If this is what Remus saw... Had Sirius been cowering away from the wolf that lingered so close to the surface now? Had he looked at Remus with disgust in class now that his features reflected the monster within? He stumbled away from the mirror. Of course. No one else has to risk their lives for their werewolf friend. 

Some friend! 

Asking his friends to join the wolf to keep it from destroying itself. If Sirius had come to resent him, well, Remus couldn’t blame him. The grumbling of his stomach resurfaced him from his wallowing and he sighed. If he didn’t join the others in the hall, James would surely convince himself that something had happened between he and Sirius. Perhaps something had happened. Perhaps he was no longer Remus’ friend. Remus swallowed down the pain of the thought of losing Sirius and locked it away where he kept hidden all of the other feelings he had about the grey eyed man. There was nothing he could do about his appearance now. Concealing charms and even beautification charms were tricky things. He’d learned simple ones to keep the werewolf teltales away. He chanted a few then removed Lily’s hair tie, hoping to receive some coverage from the too long curls now. That was all he could do. The boys would see past his charms. They always did. It didn’t matter now. He had to face Sirius eventually.

But he wasn’t there. “Madame Pomfrey says he’s got some stomach bug. Wouldn’t even let us see him.”

“Hmm,” Remus stabbed at his peas with a sigh. A stomach bug, please.

“Won’t you pay him a visit?” Peter asked around a mouthful of potato and Remus grimaced.

“For what? You already said Pomfrey wont let us in.”

“Yeah,” James interjected then motioned towards himself and Peter, “US. But you? She’s got a soft spot.”

“So do most new borns. Regardless of the fondness or not, she wouldn’t let a stomach bug,” he said sarcastically and around air quotes, “spread. Not a chance.”

Peter and James shared a glance that Remus wanted to question but was interrupted by Lily’s arrival, a pretty brunette in tow. “James, I’m sorry to do this last minute. Do you mind if we reschedule tonight? I’m a little behind on the Transfigurations essay,” she admitted sheepishly, “mum was sick this weekend and I didn’t get around to it.”

“It’s no problem Evans,” James smiled and took her hand, “I could help you with it. Top of the class remember?” he grinned and she rolled her eyes but smiled fondly.

“That’s just because you managed to win McGonagall over with your stupid charm and clever spell use in your pranks.”

“You think I’m clever?” his grin widened and she smacked his arm. “Im only joking. Im happy to help. We can reschedule for this weekend. The Hogsmeade trip?”

Remus tuned out the rest of the conversation when he realized Lily’s friend had been staring. He panicked momentarily. Had the charm worn off? Was his werewolf showing?

“Hey.. Remus,” she smiled shyly.

Oh.

But what was her name. He was sure they shared a class but which-

“Have you started your essay for History of Magic? I can’t decide which war I want to write about,” she sat across from him and smiled politely. Alice?

“Umm, I’ve outlined a rough draft on The Goblin Rebellions.” Emma? Samantha?

“Oh, I thought about the Gargoyle Strike of 1911 but I’m a bit confused about one of the events. Do you think you might be able to tutor me some time?” She smiled and Remus blinked. What the fuck was her name?

“Uhh..”

“You can join our study group, Charlie,” Lily gave Remus a pointed look and he smiled gratefully when the girl turned to look at Lily. “It’s currently just James and I but I think Marlene and Dorcas might join.”

“Oh,” she smiled ruefully, “I wouldn’t want to fifth wheel... maybe if Remus came?” she turned to look at Remus once more.

“Fifth wheel? Who’s the other couple?” James whispered to Lily who shook her head and sighed.

“You can be so oblivious Potter...”

“Sure,” Remus finally smiled politely, regretting it almost immediately when he heard the girl’s heart leap.

“Okay! Great! Thank you, I’ll get the details from Lily,” she smiled and stood up. “I like your new hair by the way,” she threw over her shoulder with a smirk before striding away.

“Are Marlene and Dorcas dating?” James asked loudly and Lily sighed.

****

It was almost nine when Remus returned from the library, leaving James and Lily alone to flirt. Peter had gone off to meet some lass he was seeing who, if Remus was being completely honest, was sporting a mustache much greater than Peter’s. He tugged on his cloak and tossed it over his trunk, beginning to unbutton his shirt when he stumbled over a shoe. A doc marten to be exact. He turned to look in every direction of the dark room, his eyes not needing to adjust in the dark, until they landed on the figure perched at the window. Those very hostile eyes met his again. Was hostile the right word? It was a mixture of dismay and confusion and maybe... lust? That was ridiculous, but Remus wasn’t going to be the first to drop his stare this time.

“Thought you were ill.”

“I was.”

So that’s how it was going to be.

“Sick of your own bullshit?” Remus raised a brow and Sirius frowned. Remus had to remind himself that he didn’t have any right to be angry with Sirius. He asked a lot of him when he expected him at the shack every night. “If you don’t want to come anymore,” if you hate me now and despise me and resent me for risking your life every month, “I understand.” But Sirius looked confused.

“Sorry?”

“I know I... around this time I start to show... I’m sorry if it bothers you more now. I don’t want you to do something you don’t want to.” Sirius had hopped off the window sill and begun walking towards him, making him stumble again when he took a step back and took a hard seat onto his trunk.

“Remus,” he was so close now that he could feel Sirius’ breath on his face, “you don’t have a clue..” Sirius’ fingers had began toying with the collar of Remus’ shirt, tugging ever so gently as his eyes flashed up to meet Remus’.

Sirius wasn’t ready to confess. It wasn’t a secret that he was gay. All of the Marauders knew and a few blokes he’d hooked up with did too. But Remus? Remus who was too kind and too smart and too good for him. He had his own problems he didn’t need to take on more, especially not the kind that would surely come if they ever... If they ever what? Hooked up? Moony wasn’t hook up material. Not with his warm skin and needy fingers in the morning. It wasn’t like he and Remus hadn’t shared a bed before. They all had at some time or another. Platonic cuddles were important, James had said. But Sirius hadn’t expected it would feel like the waves crashing against the shore when Remus pressed his cold nose against his neck in the morning, his lips brushing there too as he mumbled sleepily about chocolate pudding. He didn’t feel that way when James threw a haphazard arm around him or even Peter wiggled in too closely. With Remus it always felt like he wasn’t close enough.

And it had been so easy, so bloody easy to ignore it. To ignore the need to be closer and to want to crawl into his bed every night instead of taking turns with James who thought Peter’s elbows were too knobby. If he could wake up every morning to Remus’ cold nose he could take on anything. It had all been so easy until this morning. They had all teased Remus about how high maintenance he was about his hair. He was always cleanly shaved, he got up extra early every day to do it. He had his hair cut every two weeks and he even made sure to trim across his chest. Yes he was a werewolf, but he didn’t have to flaunt it, so he had said. The last few weeks leading up to the full moon had been tough for him, however. He’d been much more tired, much more reluctant to get out of bed. The stubble last week had already made Sirius stare for just a little too long when he thought no one was looking. He didn’t expect that Remus would be sporting a whole beard just a week later. He looked older even, especially with the way his features were beginning to sharpen. Sirius longed so much to run his fingers along the slope of his jaw. He wondered if it would be as sharp, if it would cut, if the hair that hid it now would make it softer. Would it tickle his skin? His face if he just leaned in now? He swallowed audibly when those golden eyes, nearly hidden behind the over grown curls, glanced briefly at his lips.

“Don’t know what, Sirius?” Remus whispered. He wanted so much to believe that the question in Sirius’ eyes was the one he wanted to hear.

“Hey Moony we went to check on Pads but he’s not,” James barged into the room with Peter in tow and they froze. Sirius took a step away from Remus and smiled.

“I’m feeling much better now. Pomfrey let me sleep in my own room,” he smiled as convincingly as he could.

“That’s great! Was it something you ate? I thought the biscuits at breakfast were a little off,” Peter had pushed past James and was already undressing to get into his pajamas.

“That must’ve been it,” Sirius gave him a small smile that disappeared when he met James’ eyes again. Remus looked between them. Between Sirius’ pleading eyes and James’ knowing ones.

Oh.

He had to pay a certain red head a visit.

*****

He sat still in the girls’ dorm, watching through the mirror as Marlene pouted. “Are you sure you want to cut it all off Remus?”

“Marlene, I already promised to keep the beard. The hair keeps getting in my eyes though. Please? Just some length.”

“Oh alright,” she sighed and she picked up the shears. Mary tapped her chin.

“What if we kept the length at the top.”

“Whatever just get it out of my face.”

“Ooo a werewolf with a temper, how original,” Lily grinned at his scowl. And then he remembered he was supposed to make nice because-

“Hey Lils?”

“Hmm?” She was distracted. The girls had taken advantage of Remus asking for a hair cut to have a spa day. Marlene was the only person that Remus trusted with his hair. Supposedly she’d taken lessons over the summer with a muggle cousin of hers. She’d made quite the profit dying and cutting hair when lessons were over. “If I wasn’t so sure I wanted to join the ministry, perhaps I’d open my own salon,” she had mentioned the first time she cut Remus’ hair. She was the only one who could get it exactly the way he wanted it.

“Want to play a game to pass the time?”

“Does it involve using my hands, kind of occupied..”

“No, Marlene would kill me if I moved a muscle.”

“Got that right,” she huffed.

“What game?”

“I’ll ask you yes or no questions and you have to answer with the first one that comes to mind.”

“You’re looking for trouble, me thinks,” Mary lifted a cucumber from her eye to peek at Remus, “there’s something he wants you to confess. Don’t do it Lily.”

“Remus is smarter than that. If he wants answers he should ask like a big boy, isn’t that right Remus?” Lily laughed at his scowl through the mirror.

“I’m not certain you’d tell me.”

“Alright Remus, I’m in good spirits, I’ll humor you this once. Go on,” and she was back to painting her nails.

“Do you like chocolate ice cream?”

“No.”

“Do you prefer McGonagall over Bins?”

“Yes.”

“Do you like Shakespeare?”

“Absolutely not. That won’t change, leave me be!!”

“Yes or no only!”

“Alright!”

“Do you prefer butterbeer over fire whiskey.”

“Yes.”

“Do you fancy James?”

“Yes.”

“Does Sirius fancy me?”

“WAIT!” Marlene shouted making them all jump.

“Oh no,” Lily groaned at her ruined toes, “Marlene you’ve bloody ruined them.”

“No no no,” Mary was removing the cucumbers again, “forget your toes for a minute. Remus,” she smiled condescendingly, “sweetie,” Remus growled lowly but she persisted, “do you fancy Sirius?”

“Stupid question babe,” Marlene laughed and Remus sputtered.

“Excuse me?”

“Oh Remus really,” Marlene gave him a tired look, “it’s so bloody obvious. You practically drool over him.”

“Fine. I’m in love with the idiot is that what you want?” They all froze before sharing a look and then turning to him.

“You’re in love with him?”

“I thought it was obvious?” Remus scowled and Lily waddled over to sit in front of him next to Mary.

“Well I mean it was obvious you were totally gone for him but, in love? That’s different...” Mary shook her head. Remus was starting to feel nervous. Maybe love was more than he bargained for. Here he was confessing and he wasn’t even sure. He was sure of his own feelings but what did they matter if Sirius didn’t feel the same?

“You didn’t answer my question...”

“He doesn’t fancy you,” Lily shook her head and Marlene snorted, “he worships the ground you walk on.”

“Get stuffed,” Remus rolled his eyes and Lily flipped him the bird.

“Do you know how before James and Lily were dating, they would go on and on and on about each other? And if they were having a conversation, they acted like they weren’t aware that anyone else was in the room?” Marlene had taken up the scissors again as she asked.

“Come off it,” Lily blushed.

“Sirius is like that about you. Only worse.”

“Worse?” Remus breathed almost inaudibly. He didn’t believe it when he asked. He wondered and he hoped so much that it were true but having it confirmed felt like a glacier melting in his chest.

“He pines,” Mary grimaced.

“Merlin, does he pine. And he rambles too,” Marlene shook her head.

“He whines! That’s the worst part,” Lily laughed.

The floor beneath him felt unsteady. Was the chair swaying?

“Get a grip Remus,” Marlene’s brow furrowed, a bit if concern on her face, “is that not what you wanted to hear?”

“I- yes but...”

“What is it?” Lily asked.

“What now?”

“Men are impossible,” Mary rolled her eyes then placed fresh cucumber rounds over them.

“You know he has feelings for you, the same ones you have for him, and you don’t know what to do now? Do you need to hear about the birds and the bees too?” Marlene laughed and Mary snorted.

“Birds and the birds Marls.”

“I think men are the bees?”

“Can it you two,” Lily grinned, “Remus... you have to tell him. When you’re ready of course. Doesn’t have to be today. But also what are you waiting for!”

“Poor Charlie will be crushed,” Mary chuckled and Marlene’s fingers froze in his hair.

“Charlie... Charlotte McLaggen? Yuck please, you can do better than that, Remus.”

“Mean, she’s a nice girl,” Lily frowned.

“Better than Sirius?” Marlene countered and they burst out in laughter.

“That’s really a matter of opinion,” Lily shrugged and Remus sighed.

“I can hear you lot laughing from down the hall,” Dorcas came through the door, arms full of sweets from the kitchens. “You started without me!!” she feigned a look of disbelief and pouted.

“Are those for me?” Marlene smiled at the chocolates in her hands. Remus didn’t hear the rest of the conversation however. He was too focused on Marlene’s face. She was looking at Dorcas.... he had to look away, it felt like intruding to keep staring. He could only smile when he realized that Sirius had looked at him that way the night before.

*****

It’d been a week since the night in the girl’s dorms. Remus, who now found himself trapped between a bookshelf and Charlie’s fingers in his hair, regretted most deeply that he had not yet confessed to Sirius about his feelings.

“It’s such a shame you cut so much of it off Remus,” she frowned and Remus smiled politely. He wrapped his fingers around her wrist and gently removed her hand from his hair and placed it in her own lap.

“It’ll grow.” He was ashamed of his inability to conceal his irritation. The full moon had come and gone and he was tired, his body still feeling the effects of the change. He’d managed to get a new scar that split his left eyebrow and he was happy now that he had allowed Marlene to leave his hair just a little longer than he usually wore it. But oh how Charlotte loved it.

“You just look like such a bad boy. Its sexy.”

Remus wanted nothing more than to be done with this damn study group so he could find Sirius. He kept waiting for the right moment but maybe there wasn’t one. Maybe any chance to tell him was the right moment. Any chance to be able to press his lips against his-

“Remus?” James snapped him out of his trance.

“Hmm?”

“Same time tomorrow? The weather’s too nice out we aren’t going to get anything done now. Even you seem distracted,” James grinned and Remus smiled sheepishly.

“I apologize I-“

“Maybe we can skip off to Hogsmeade, Remus,” Charlotte interrupted him and Lily began to pick up her books faster when she noticed Remus’ tight lipped smile, “visit Madame Puddifoot’s tea shop?”

“Charlotte-“

“Charlie,” she grinned and Remus all but screamed.

“Charlie,” he stood up and slung his bag over his shoulder, “it is never gonna happen between us. I’m sorry I wasted your time. I just don’t see-“

“Oh... oh you’re joking!” she laughed and shoved his arm, “you’re so funny.”

“I’m not funny, I’m gay. Now if you’ll excuse me,” Remus strode off then, leaving behind an open mouthed Charlie and a laughing Lily and James.

Remus ran out of the library and out towards the lake. It was common to find Sirius under the tree there, having a nap and ditching study hall. Remus could see his boots protruding from behind one of the roots and smiled. He sped up, wincing as his muscles protested. He dropped his bag at the edge of the lake, leaning over and bracing himself on his knees as he wheezed for air.

“Remus?” Sirius sat up, a look of alarm on his face, “are you alright?” he scrambled to his knees and made his way over, pressing his hands to Remus’ shoulders. “Hey,” he tilted his head and smiled when his eyes met Remus’, “alright Moony?”

Remus had just begun to settle his heavy breathing but he was suddenly breathless again. He straightened himself and Sirius dropped his hands, taking a step back before Remus caught his arm.

“I’m not... I mean..” he shut his eyes and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before looking at Sirius again. “I’m much better than alright.”

“Is that right,” he reached up, “you’ve cut it.” Remus wrapped his fingers around his wrist, chuckling at the familiar action. Except he didn’t mind these fingers in his hair as much. He kept his hold on Sirius’ wrist and smiled.

“It wasn’t very me... plus it tickled my nose,” he grinned wider when Sirius laughed, “I think I’m in love with you.”

He’d stopped laughing then. “Think you’re still under the effects of the full moon there Moony,” but his smile never faded.

“Oh I definitely am. My legs are ready to give out actually,” he released Sirius’ wrist then, leaning into the fingers that had tangled into his hair and were now pressed to his face.

“I’m so stupid,” Sirius laughed, “I’d hidden it so well... who knew I had a thing for hairy men.”

“Everyone. I might be a little ashamed to say I asked Lily and Marlene.”

“Moony!” He exclaimed, “I didn’t take you for a gossip.”

“Be nice,” Remus’ face hurt from smiling, “I had to be sure... didn’t want to make a fool of myself or even push you away. I’d rather be your friend and keep my feelings to myself if it means you’d stay in my life.”

“What made you change your mind? Seemed to be in a rush when you got here,” he chuckled, “so eager to give me a half arsed confession.”

“Half arsed!” Remus’ eyebrows shot up.

“I think I’m in love with you,” Sirius repeated and Remus grinned.

“I know that I am... you however, I think you’re just lusting,” he teased and Sirius dropped his hand, giving him a small shrug.

“Mayhaps I am. So what now?”

“I think that’s up to you,” Remus couldn’t help but be surprised at the shy smile that Sirius offered him. Sirius reached forward once more to grip the front of Remus’ shirt, stood on his toes, and pressed his lips to his.

“The hair I can part with, but please... never shave that beard,” he mumbled against Remus’ lips.

[cornflowercanine]

thinking a8t stuff i put it under a cut cause it was getting too long lol XD autistic girl autumn and wolf girl autumn are same thing in my heart

le siiiiigh... smth that's 833n on my mind recently is Cringy Therian (and to an extent furry ig?) stuff, and how NOW i think it's super fucking fun and i still suuuuuuper wish i could like, go to a park w other Cringy Therian pals and howl or playfight or whatever, 8ut whenever i look at "cringy" therian stuff i'd look at when i was 12, it just makes me f33l awful and i think thats cause when i was 12 and just around that time in general i wasn't doing it out of 'this is fun lol i wanna fuck around and not care' i was doing it out of f33ling like i was constantly failing at 8eing human no matter what i did, what i acted like, what i liked or pretended to like, etc so i was trying to throw in the towel and go fuck it i'm not human at all anymore animals arent mean to me animals are 8etter than people 8ut also at the same time i'm really fucking lonely so i wish i had other ppl Like Me that we could just 8e ourselves with CAUSE IM FUCKING AUTISTIC LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and i honestly still kinda get that, s33ing thing after thing of 'HUMANS have a knack for recognizing faces-' 'HUMANS communic8 through facial expressions and spoken language so-' 'HUMANS made and therefore have a knack for math-' etc etc etc, usually ending in smth along the lines of 'and if we didnt do this we'd die', and it does just kinda 8uild up and make you f33l like youre a Bad (at) Human (unquirked for emphasis) and that's YOUR fault, change or die so i don't 8lame past me and when i s33 stuff that reminds me of how/why i was like that when i was 12 it just makes me really sad and i can f33l how trapped i felt 8ack then, like i really had no other option and just. god i wish i didn't do that cause i felt like i fucking had to lol 8ut it's weird, cause i do still like it! i guess it's that 8ack then it was a8out trying to find a fucking sliver of genuine human interaction and not 'ummm :/ youre doing it wrong' and to just Exist and 8e Happy, 8ut NOW it's a8out like. for the same reasons i like ENA stuff, just 8eing autistic unashamedly and communic8ing and existing in the way that's 8est and most natural for you instead of forcing ro8otic lifeless eye contact plain sp33ch etc just, idk, it's hard to get across 8ut my point is like. i've rediscovered this thing that makes me sincerely happy, and i'm indulging in it for the same reason i was when i was 12 (autism lolz), except me indulging in it 8ack then was a sad thing not 8c it was weird 8ut cause ... I WAS SAD LOL, and so indulging in it makes me f33l ....not Guilty? not qqqqqqqqquiiiiiiite Nostalgic?? not really Gr8ful? just. i wish i had 833n a8le to do this for the happy reasons im doing it for now 8ack then. this never shouldve 833n a sad thing in the first place