#im FRUSTRATED not SAD

[anx1oustig3r]

not to only ever log in here to rant and whinge but

fuuuuuck man i really think i need to go for an adhd evaluation, the main thing that puts me off is the fact that the last time i broached the topic with my psychiatrist in ireland he very quickly brushed me off like “oh you only have autism” and i KNOW it’s because outwardly i don’t seem hyperactive

but here’s the thing, internally? it’s a god damn 24/7 tornado in here. i feel so fucking restless no matter what im doing. drawing? nope, time to spend more time rummaging through ipad files and staring listlessly out the window. 3D? time for me to do one step and then end up on random wiki articles for 3 hours. making tea? i will not just stand there i must pace around until the kettle is done.

i barely finished my final college project and had to cut so many corners to just get it done because the allocated time i set to animate the damn thing i spent 85% of it just,,, looking out the window and daydreaming - and i LIKE to animate - i WANT to animate but i can’t stay focused. if the task is not instantly rewarding i cannot keep focused on it.

this was true for high school, i will always remember a conversation i had with a friend (straight a student who also worked on games) - i asked him how did he manage to get it done and he told me “just find something you can reward yourself with after” - i tried it and it did not work, my mind would just wander and not retain anything and it SUCKED

i want so badly to CREATE things, that ability exists in me because the small things i managed i feel i’ve been good at, but there’s a stupid fucking gremlin in my head that won’t allow it to happen

i won’t go into like, day to day irl existing bc yes it does effect me there too and it’s not pretty

[campbyler]

how are you guys doing?

honestlyyy we have both been going through it for a minute which you guys probably have picked up on from our very unplanned absence on here 😗 our work schedules have just been so crazy and we have had some personal stuff going on at both ends so we have been existing in a kind of default state of complete and total exhaustion for like a month i fear. but we are now 1. medication twinsies which is so silly of us actually and 2. getting therapized on the regular so hopefully we will both feel more normal soon and get our creative energy back and be more active online again 🥳 (thea is also actively being blown away by the hurricane right now so everyone please manifest that she stays safe and dry and doesn’t end up floating away down the gulf because i would miss her and be so sad.) thank you for asking i hope you’re doing well! 🫶🏽

[rottmnt-residuum]

part 14

oh no! raphs brain :(   ...anyway

⇇ | ⇽ | index | ⇾

[the-acid-pear-art]

JACK DOODLE COMPILATION I really like him. I think I can finally say I figured out how to draw this guy. One less to go 💪

[starry-bi-sky]

Names, Marbles, and Fae-vors - More Lore on my Changeling Danny Au

In my last post I talked about the Infinite Realms and the three different planes existing inside it - the Long Far, Home to the Ancients and Celestial Beings. The Fey Wilds, Home of the Fey and other such Mythological Constructs. And the Ghost Zone, Home to the Mortal Spirits. - as well as three of the different ways beings inside the Infinite Realms can travel between planes; the Lake Portals, the Cave Tunnels, and the Starflare Currents. The Lake Portals and the Cave Tunnels don't have an official term for them yet, but I'll come up with something :).

In this post we'll be talking about some of the abilities of the fey! Specifically the things they're most popularly known for: their name stealing and etiquette thing.

For those who are not as well-versed in Fey Lore, or need a refresher, (and because I just want to yap infodump), one of the first rules you learn when interacting with the Fey is that you never, ever, say "thank you" or "I'm sorry" to them! Which is crazy, because they're really big on etiquette and being polite to each other, which is why one of their epithets is "the Good Neighbor/s". So why should you not say two phrases most commonly used when being polite to someone?

There are two big reasons for this, and the reason I'll be focusing on for this au is because, to the Fey, saying "Thank You" is acknowledgement of a debt that's owed to them. It turns the action or gift into something transactional, and results in a verbal contract that the receiver must then repay later down the line -- and whatever point in time, and with whatever the Fey they are indebted to sees fit. Whether that be food, valuables, or your firstborn child.

The other big reason is because some Fey just think it's rude, and view "thank you" as something that dilutes their act of kindness, and/or implies that they are there to serve you. One of the best summarizations I've seen for fey is that they're bros; they're doing this because they think you're friends -- or something similar to the sort. It's deeply insulting to do all these nice things for a friend, only for that friend to reveal that they don't view you the same way at all.

It's for similar reasons that you also shouldn't say, "I'm sorry" either, except instead of repaying a gift, you are now making reparations for a wrong you have done. A misdeed must be repaid in full, now how are you going to make it up to them? And also because well, I imagine that if saying "thank you" is seen as rude, "I'm sorry" is the exact same way because it dilutes the act.

If you're in a situation where you must say "thank you" or "i'm sorry" there are ways to get around it. "I'm grateful", "you're too kind", "I apologize", or "I feel regret" are just some examples I saw used.

NOW! How is this used in my Changeling AU? The Fey work by these same rules, the only difference is that I've added a physical aspect to it! If Fey are capable of stealing the abstract and turning the incorporeal corporeal, then lets run with it!

"Thank Yous" and "I'm Sorrys" are debts, and Fey can magically bound you into a verbal contract with that alone. However, it's not uncommon -- and actually pretty standard -- for Fey to weave the excess magic of that debt into something physical. They create these delicate-looking, iridescent threads that they then weave into their hair for decoration. And in some areas of the Fey Wilds, use it as a way to show off wealth and/or their own wit.

Ever heard of Fairy Hair? Yeah, same concept.

Debt Threads, as I am temporarily calling them, are thin and airy, and not that much thicker than gossamer. Since it's a debt that is intended to eventually be paid back, it's not practical -- nor is it seen as such -- to use the threads for anything more than temporary cosmetics. As a result, they're usually used for decorating the hair, but some crafty fey use their threads to decorate other appendages, or as form of makeup. Despite their dainty appearance, the threads are actually very sturdy and can only be unweaved by the Fey that created it.

You can, technically, take back your debt thread. However, the threads are made using excess magic of the debt, and not made of the magic of the debt itself, which is why it's so thin and airy. So if you do manage to get it, congrats! All you've got is some pretty string and a pissed off feyrie whose hair you probably just yanked out.

Danny's managed to accrue a few "debts" before he realizes he's a fey, mostly from his friends and sister -- although there are a few from his parents, and some from the other student body from when he was unknowingly and instinctually doing Fey Bullshit. As a result, he starts forcing Sam and Tucker and Jazz to stop thanking him for things, and typically makes them repay him through petty, menial stuff. Like getting him food, or buying him a small but relatively inexpensive trinket he's been eyeing for a while. Never usually anything super important - it's his own way of apologizing for indebting them to him in the first place.

As for his parents... well, he'll hold onto those debts for now. Having a way to magically get them off his back with no questions asked is a boon he's pretty willing to keep close to his chest, and no amount of persuasion will convince him otherwise. Sorry Jazz, Fey side wins out on this one. As for some of the students he's got, Danny manages to psych himself up and release some of them from their contracts without repayment -- even if it makes his bones itch.

AND NOW THE NAMES! You never give a Fey your name because they say everything literally. "Can I have your name?" is a literal question -- they are asking for your name, and thus ownership over you. The other thing is that Names have power, if a fey knows your Full Name they can make you do things for them -- however it goes both ways so you could do the same thing if you learn a Fey's name.

Knowing a Name and owning a Name are two different things, with owning a Name being, naturally, more dangerous as you are basically submitting yourself to permanent indentured servitude, among other things. Knowing a Name can be risky because it results in being more susceptible to fey charms, enchantments, and requests.

But! I digress! Just like how Thank Yous and I'm Sorrys can be turned into a physical object, so can Names! This is not obligatory, nor is it recommended to do often because unlike debt threads, these can be taken back, but it happens!

Names can be trapped in these little, colorful glass-like orbs -- marbles, they're marbles/pearls. They can be trapped in what are basically magic marbles, and just like debt threads, be used for decoration. They're more versatile though, and are used for different things since unlike debt threads, the pearls are meant to be permanent! They make beautiful jewelry, since the pearls come in various different colors depending on the person it once belonged to, and the intent behind its creation.

The marbles have a hard outer shell, with the cores having a fluid, shimmery appearance. Look up liquid core dice, and Name Marbles have a similar appearance, just more... ethereal, with different shades of the same color swirling inside. Not two pearls look the same, and even ones that have similar colors or appearances have subtle differences in them that are imperceptible to the mortal eye. Some pearls look like the deepest trenches of the ocean, blacks and dark blues swirling around each other as flecks of bioluminescence float inside. While others look like a lilac winter sunset, with hand-held purples bleeding into pink and gold.

Convincing Danny to return the Names he's gotten is harder than convincing him to absolve the debts. It takes a lot more psyching up on his part to actually do it, and more verbal coaxing and negotiating on his friends' part. Because on an instinctual fey level, those names are rightfully his. For all intents and purposes, he was given those names freely and without reservation, and so to be told that he has to return what were essentially gifts to him is... deeply distressing.

Lots of cognitive dissonance there. His human-raised brain and morals know why he needs to give them back, and he feels bad for owning them. But his new changeling-baby fey-brain is deeply upset at the prospect, and is a liittle bit stronger than the once-human part of him. He rapidly becomes overwhelmed when trying to convince himself to return the Names. He does, eventually, end up doing it, but he's unwillingly upset the whole time.

[maria-ruta]

I'm having a bad mood today

Would you draw my blorbo for me please?

[cyanide-sippy-cup]

Whoever decided to put the Batfam member who's supposed to come from a dark place in life and understands how slippery the slope really is when it comes to falling into crime in the fucking Kite Man show and have her mindlessly impale a guy should be slapped. Once for making a Kite Man show and once for Steph.

Like she's not above killing people. She's not like Bruce who refuses to take a life ever. She'd blow the Joker's fucking head off if given the chance. But she's supposed to understand the regular dudes. She understands the importance of a life. She knows that guy's probably got family at home, or at least deserves to be given a chance. It took a long time before anybody gave her a chance, she knows how hard it is in that life.

Then again it's a spinoff of the Harley Quinn show so what did I expect.

[russilton]

Guys some of you have got to process grief better— you can’t be watching Lewis clearly explain how leaving Merc makes him emotional because it’s his family, and he’s been processing that sadness all year, and think he’s saying they’re making him sad on purpose

People get sad when they leave things, people get sad and struggle moving on even when they know it’s the right choice. People leave things they love for new adventures all the time and they can still feel sad.

Feeling sad isn’t an emotion to be banished, sometimes it’s an honour to have loved something so much it made you sad. Grief is the persistence of love

[goblin-king-jay]

"If this book should ever reach Mina before I do, let it bring my good-bye. Here comes the coach!"

LOSING IT over how foreboding and morbid this sentence is followed by the cheerful energy of "Here comes the coach! ^_^" I'm dying

[russellius]

2024 ITALIAN GP : P7

GR: Really quite disappointed, because so much hard work goes into all of these weekends, for it to go away so quick.

[here-there-be-fics]

Thinking about how even if Buck now goes out and hooks up with people to 'find himself'....again. How do they approach that without it seeming like he is doing so to take away from the shadow and pain of his relationship with Tommy? He was in love or on the verge of loving Tommy in a way we've not seen before, those feeling don't go away because you fall into bed with someone or mutliple someones. How does that affect his ability to actually discover anything about himself without it being tinged with the love he still has for someone else? How does it not just look like he is using sex to heal a wound or empty part of himself like he did in Season 1? Doesn't that kinda skew his journey of discovery of his bisexual identity he supposedly needs by making it somewhat self destructive? He's just confirmed within himself with the help of people he trusts that what he wants is a future with Tommy, and we're suppose to buy into him doing a 180 into sleeping around and he is suppose to sudden really want this outcome instead?

[randomness-fullfilled]

Maybe I’m not good enough to have someone fall in love with me.

[andichoseyou]

im heartbroken. all positivity has left me. im just so full of disappointment. disappointment in those who deliberately chose not to vote, who decided to vote third party, and especially in those who voted for the convicted felon. disappointed in this country. disappointed by the people around me. disappointed in myself. nothing seems okay right now. this guilt and anger i'm feeling is all consuming. i'm hoping to feel a bit more hopeful in the morning. i want to say that we will be okay, that everything will turn out alright. but i can't. not yet.

[firelise]

Only Friends (2023) SandRay Shirt Grabs Ep 1 // Ep 9

bonus:

[3416]

just need to give a shoutout to all the people who interact w me or the things i make on here for the love and good vibes. twitter's been pissing me off the past couple days and i just think it reaffirms i'll never really leave tumblr bc the fandom culture here is just so much.. more lol

[dennistakesamentalhealthday]

dennis is an angry character btw im sorry but he is full of rage but that rage is not exclusive his anger does not negate sadness and fragility and insecurities in fact they work together and dtamhd was one of the first times where his anger was not used as a joke via a surface level rage explosion from him but instead explored the fragility of his anger. the way he keeps reassuring the workers he encounters (and himself) that he's not mad. when he tells daisy he's not mad but he is a little bit upset. dennis is angry and that anger is what makes him so fragile. he was upset and it manifested as rage bc he doesnt know what to do with his own sadness