#ill write more when i finish the special
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voncel · 3 months ago
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I am SO. LATE. to the End of Obesity discussion and I haven’t even finished the special yet BUT
The kyman. Oh, the kyman.
I’m not feeling like writing a huge wall of text rn but this has given me so much material. The kyman dynamic in there is literally what I always liked in romantic kyman. It’s real, it’s POSSIBLE. I have been PRAYING for a Kyle Cartman episode because it feels like forever since we’ve gotten one and they dared to give us not just something where Kyle and Cartman are the focus, but THEY’RE WORKING TOGETHER.
Please oh please tell me they have more underway for season 27.
I’m genuinely freaking out. I haven’t checked the tag on ao3 but I bet my life it has been FLOURISHING since EoO. I have 2 new wips that came to me out of 20 minutes into the special.
And to think this came in like May and I held out on watching until now.
Trey really did put out his own early contribution to Kyman Week 2024
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plulp · 11 months ago
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hey guys sorry for the radio silence (4 days) :( Im Sick
but in other news: almost at 200 followers!!!! so if any of you want me to do the same thing i did last time (maybe not as much) or something different i can to celebrate :) since i should be free to draw however much after this week (have some things to take care of (while im sick))
#ill finish doing asks when i get back home (dont know when)#and then when i hit 200 ill do another thing i guess? maybe pcs again or maybe ill draw other peoples dol designs but problem with that is#i Dont Know Many People Here 😰#i only follow legit like 5 people and i dont check this dashboard often so i miss a lot#since i usually use my main tumblr to yknow. scroll through tumblr#i wish i could reblog other peoples art more often too but for some reason i get nervous? its so weird. i get nervous writing tags#probably because i get too excited and then i get a headache#what was this about again#oh#if any of you have anything you want me to do for 200 you can send an ask or something and ill make a poll so you all can vote on it maybe#but hopefully i can do it like order as in: finish asks i have now > celebrate yay!! > draw more designs lmao#but before all of that. i have to finish this one thing. lemon honey green tea give me the strength i need to finish this.#i need to clear out ageless followers when i get home too :( so i might not be that close after that#right now im 8 away from 200 i think?#but thank you to whoevers followed me :)#if you dont have an age in your bio remember to put one okay? or ill get another headache#i think thats all i have to say right now? if you have any questions comments or concerns please dont be afraid of me.#germaphone#i promise i dont bite. i kind of gnaw like a toothless cat. its all gums and its slimy and feels weird. like that#200 follower special you all ask me about my teeth situation (nothing special really)
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fuxuannie · 5 months ago
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Hey girl, I LOVED YOUR HEADCANONS. Specifically abt Ken x Reader. If you can write about headcanons abt maybe when he's jealous? You covered literally almost everything in your headcanons, so I have nothing to request except this 😭
❥﹒kenji sato x gender neutral reader
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✦. synopsis — part 2 of the kenji sato headcanons because i am totally normal <3
✦. love mail — i swear i promise ill post hsr guys 😞 just let me have my moment w sato i beg. i’ve decided to just do this req + add some more hehe. thank you sm requester for enabling my brain rot! (pls more ppl do so)
✦. tags — NO SPOILERS, fluff, dadgirl kenji, non-intimate/sexual kissing, kenji sato x reader, i wrote this w my brain off again ( ´͈ ᗨ `͈ ;; pls
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Jealousy was not fun for the Kenji Sato. Before Emi came along and changed him, I can see him being the type to get jealous easily. Why would you need to talk to other people anyway? You had him, he was the best. He’d make it real obvious too, suddenly wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you close, or the following days he has you wear his iconic jacket while you’re out with him so everyone knows exactly who and what you two are. If it gets to the better of him, he’ll get all pouty about it. He wants all your attention, your eyes all over him and him only. Maybe even hands but that’s a different thing. But I think after Emi’s influence, it’s less possessive and he’s grown to trust you with others instead of letting his feelings get in the way. Of course he’s not immune to jealousy, but you notice it a lot less. It’s less suffocating for you and you’re grateful he’s grown. You did love the pouty face he’d make though, it was cute.
Now if you were jealous, which is really no surprise.. Kenji had thousands of admirers, he had gifts on his doorstep like every other day. He’ll do everything to prove and reassure you that you’re the only one who has his heart. He’ll post you on his social media, take you out on dates, all those things to wash your worries away. Lastly, he’ll hold you in his arms at night and whisper everything he loves about you. Everything you were silently insecure about, he loved. Every date you thought he forgot, he remembered. And to meet a guy like that? How lucky can you be? (He tells you he’s luckier of course. <3)
I think he’s a messy kisser for the most part 🧐. (Forgive me in advance for this part. I am not very good at these things.) When he can take his time, he’s slow and gentle. Genuinely just trying to show you that yeah, he loves you, so damn much. And he’s going to show that through his passion by taking things slow so you can really feel his devotion. Other times, because he’s always in a rush, he’ll do a messy but clearly desperate kiss. He doesn’t like leaving without one, and you can describe him kissing you like it’s his last, (because it’s really not a far-fetched guess considering his line of work) his hand behind your head and pressing your lips against his in an almost ravenous manner. He does give you a very quick kiss on the forehead and runs off after finishing, leaving you a little dazed.
He LOVES to take you out on night rides. If ever you get a little nervous/have a fear of motorcycles, he’ll talk you all the way through via the cardo he put into your helmet. He’ll take you to some nice cafes or restaurants around Tokyo, other time’s he’ll bring you to some favourite childhood spot of his. When you arrive, he’ll tell you about his mother and the memories he’s made in this very special spot. It warms your heart to see his expression be so fond when he talks about his childhood – he truly misses it.
Before you knew of Kenji’s identity, I think it would be funny if you hated Ultraman. You just LOATHED the guy, Kenji asked your thoughts on Ultraman on the first date and you went on a rant about how he threw your car at a Kaiju only to miss. (He felt so embarrassed). It would be funnier if afterwards, he began to actually do his job as Ultraman properly.. and avoided cars on your street and avenue. He wanted to make sure you didn’t utterly hate Ultraman before revealing that he was him.
It would be cute if you and him knew each other like, much earlier. And you called him Ken. And then he made that his alias while he was becoming an All-Star baseball player. :) He’ll brag about it all the time in interviews too, that you’re the reason he uses it. <3
He’s the typa guy to have a picture of you in his room, behind his phone case, in his wallet, in his car and literally anywhere he can get his hands on. He bought a polaroid camera just to take pictures of you, he could care less about the price of film or the camera itself.. he just wanted to have as many pictures of you as possible. He’ll brag about it to his baseball teammates too, considering he also keeps one in his pockets for good luck. :)
You're his goodluck charm. <3
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rosyblooom · 7 months ago
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I just finished watching Daisy Jones and the Six and I wanted to ask if you could write a Charles SMAU where his wife passes away from illness and leaves a video behind for him to find happiness. They can have a little child together please. Thank you😊❤️
when i die, i want you to live | cl16 smau
PAIRING: charles leclerc x wife!reader SUMMARY: after battling illness, y/n unexpectedly succumbs to it much sooner than expected, leaving behind her husband and their daughter. 8 months later, charles is not coping very well, so your best friend hands him an envelope addressed to him from you. WARNING(S): mentions of death, sad A/N: ooh i love that show!! anyway, this is my first ever request (!!), so hope it's as u imagined 🫶
creds to @classiclitfreak for proofreading!! <3
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yourusername posted to her story!
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[ caption 1: I sure hope so!😌 ] [ caption 2: my heart is so full🥹💕 ]
charles_leclerc
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liked by yourusername, arthur_leclerc, scuderiaferrari and 735,290 others
charles_leclerc Today, 27 years ago, is the very special day that brought me my beautiful wife and best friend. Forever grateful for that. Happiest of birthdays to you, Mon cœur ❤️
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username HAPPY BIRTHDAY Y/N WE LOVE YOU😍
username all time favourite wag ! 🥰
yourusername ❤️❤️
(liked by author)
username ly girl🫶
username oh she won😩
username **they. they're both literally perfect omg username nah u right my bad🫡
scuderiaferrari happy birthday y/n 🥳🥳
username if my man ain't like charles i don't want him
username real
yourusername
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liked by charles_leclerc, carlossainz55, yourbestfriend and 263,719 others
yourusername had the loveliest birthday with my dearest people!💕thank you for all the birthday wishes, they've been such a joy! 🥹 here's to another beautiful year, here's to 27🥂
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yourbestfriend ily to the moon and back ❤️❤️
yourusername love u so much🥹
username queen🫶
username 27 and still looks young af iktr! see what happens when u're unproblematic😌
username that's bc 27 IS young lol
charles_leclerc belle👸
yourusername 😘 username you guys are so cute omg username *cries in 29 and single*🤧
username girl drop the link to the dress RIGHT NOW @/yourusername
yourusername it's from my spring collection love! xx username you ate that y/n😌
iamrebeccad you look so pretty 💗
yourusername my girl 🤍
Three weeks later...
tmz_tv
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liked by username, username, username and 1,005,862 others
tmz_tv Tragic news emerged in the early hours of this morning as Y/N L/N-Leclerc, a renowned fashion designer and philanthropist, passed away unexpectedly, just three weeks past her twenty-seventh birthday. Her untimely passing has left her family and friends in shock and disbelief.
In a statement released by her family, it was revealed that Y/N had been battling illness for an undisclosed duration. However, medical professionals had initially estimated a longer prognosis, making her sudden passing even more devastating.
During this profoundly sorrowful time, we extend our heartfelt condolences to Y/N's family.
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username wow and to think she was always so smiley even with all this going on behind the scenes
username a literal ray of sunshine🥹
username I can't imagine how charles feels right now omg, please take care charlie🫶
username this doesn't feel real...
username y/n was always working with charities all across the globe, she was an absolute angel. her impact will live on 💛
username is it just me who's thinking about their little girl in all this?? she must be so heartbroken :(
username I think bc she's so young she probably doesn't even understand what's going on😭����
username y/n, you were a great addition to the paddock, always smiling and just all around lovely to fans. we won't ever forget you!💕
username sending prayers to the family 🙏
scuderiaferrari
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liked by username, username, username and 594,752 others
scuderiaferrari Due to personal matters, Charles Leclerc will not be continuing racing for the remainder of the season. Ollie Bearman, our reserve driver, will take his place instead.
This was not an easy decision, and therefore we ask that you handle this news with respect and sensitivity.
Our thoughts and support are with Charles Leclerc and his family during this challenging time. 🙏❤️
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8 months later...
Charles enters the living room, ensuring the door closes softly behind him to avoid disturbing his little girl. Running his fingers over his beard, he examines the envelope in his hand and sighs. Y/N’s best friend pressed it into his hand at a dinner party the previous evening, insisting he watch it as soon as he finds the time. And here he is now, holding the thin envelope.
If someone had told him when he was younger that he’d get emotional over something as simple as seeing his wife’s handwriting on paper, he would have scoffed in disbelief. Not him, that would have seemed absurd. Yet here he is, feeling a lump form in his throat over mere black ink on paper.
As peculiar as it seems, he brings the envelope to his nose, and memories of Y/N flood his mind. He can almost feel her soothing touch as she works the knots out of his back after a gruelling day of racing. Inhaling, he feels Y/N’s sweet scent—it is as comforting as her smile.
A smile tugs at Charles' lips as he pictures that infectious grin that lit up his wife’s face at the most unexpected moments. It was one of the things he loved most about her—she had a way of bringing brightness to even the darkest of days.
Shaking his head, he snaps out of the trance, shifting deeper into the living room until he sinks into the welcoming embrace of the couch. There, he retrieves the laptop resting on the coffee table, feeling the weight of the moment as he opens the envelope and extracts a flash drive from within. Rolling it between his fingers, he inserts it into the side of his laptop with a determined motion.
Once all is in place, he watches a file labelled “To my dearest Lover, brightest Heart, and deepest Soul” materialise in his list of files. The sight catches him off guard—his throat constricts, making each breath a struggle, and his eyes well up, though he fights against the tears. Not now. He can't afford it. Allowing himself to be consumed by grief would mean losing precious time, time he needs for his daughter waiting in her playroom down the hallway.
He takes a moment to regain composure, squeezing his eyes shut, focusing on the rhythm of his breath until the tension in his chest begins to ease. With a sharp intake of air, he opens his eyes wide and taps the file, revealing a video. Running his teeth over his lower lip, he hovers the pointer over the play button, then taps the mousepad with a steady hand.
The video opens with Y/N seated on the very same pale couch he’s currently occupying. He places both hands onto the soft sofa, yearning for a connection, a way to feel her, even though he knows he can’t—touching the past is impossible.
Y/N walks toward the camera, readjusting it before taking three steps backward and retaking her seat. Inhaling deeply, she hesitates, her mouth opening, then closing again, like a fish out of water.
“Mon cœur,” Charles whispers, moving the laptop onto the coffee table.
“Hmm,” Y/N drops her hands into her lap and smooths down her flowery dress. She stares directly at the camera, tilting her head sideways with a crooked smile. “I don’t know where to start.”
Her eyes widen. “After all this planning, I still don’t know where to begin.” She lets out a few chuckles and then purses her lips. “Well, I suppose greetings are in order?”
Her expression softens as her brows furrow. “Hello, my darling, my world, my everything.”
“Hey,” Charles whispers, his throat tight with emotion, barely allowing sound to escape.
“Although I'm very happy to see you, if you’re watching this, it means you're not living as I want you to,” Y/N's voice trembles, causing her to pause and swallow. “I know it’s hard, baby. I don’t expect this to be easy on you, but I don’t want you to spend the rest of your life looking back at us in sadness, you know?”
Charles leans forward, elbows on his lap, eyes fixed on the screen, his face tinged with a faint shade of red.
“Remember our first date, when we had to cancel our reservations at that restaurant because you felt sick on the way there?” Y/N bursts into laughter but quickly stifles it, her hand covering her mouth.
“No, no,” Charles pleads softly, shaking his head, “please don’t hide your beautiful smile, my love.”
“It’s not like there was anything you could do about being sick, but I remember feeling miffed because I already had a stressful day, so for you to cancel just like that, it irritated me,” she reminisces with a nod. “But you were quite pale, so I wanted to make sure you got home alright. And we walked, barely talked,” she giggles, the joy reaching her eyes, “but then this little kid appeared, his name was…”
“Benny,” they both say simultaneously, a faint smile tugging at one corner of Charles' lips.
"Boy, was he excited to meet you, his idol. It was like seeing a completely different person. You became someone entirely new for this little boy whom you didn’t even know. Nobody forced you to take time out of your day when he came running, his arms wide open," Y/N says, extending her arms along with the words. "You could’ve just walked away. I mean, you had a reason to: you were sick."
Pausing for a moment, Y/N sits up straighter, leaning forward and shaking her head. "But you didn’t. You put on a brave face, and you turned into Benny’s hero and so much more. I think we stood there with his parents for about half an hour, and you didn’t complain once. And that’s when I knew."
Y/N nods, crossing her legs and slinging one hand behind the sofa. "That’s when I knew you could be the man I was going to marry. And turns out you were," she says, smiling sheepishly. "The love you have for people, for our daughter, it’s… it’s so profound, it’s boundless. So don’t limit it. Don’t you dare limit yourself just because I’m not around anymore."
Her expression turns serious as she exhales. “You’re such a bright light. You bring happiness and purity into people’s lives—into my life,” Y/N presses her hand against her chest. “I don’t want you to dim it. I want you to shine for as long as that candle burns. Don’t let it die prematurely because of bad happenings. There’s so much more to love, to live, to enjoy. And while you may not see me at your side anymore, holding onto D/N, I’m right here.”
Charles sniffles, folding his hands over his mouth as he swallows his sobs, while Y/N points to her heart.
“I’m with you forever and always. I’m protecting you and D/N, and I’m watching over you, making sure everything’s alright.” Y/N releases a sigh before chewing at her bottom lip with a wistful smile. “And part of that means making space for more love, for you. You have a big heart, you know? There’s enough room for you to find happiness with someone new. There’s no shame in it, and there’s no guilt in it. It’s what makes being alive such a beautiful thing: your love is yours, and it’s not confined to just one or two people. You can spread it, and still, our love will remain unchanged.”
Tears stream down the sides of Charles' cheeks as he struggles to maintain his composure, his eyes fixated on the screen as if afraid that if he peels his gaze away for one second, his wife will disappear.
Y/N briefly looks off to the side, her attention seemingly caught by something in the room, before snapping her head back to the camera with a bright smile.
“It seems I have to go,” her shoulders sink.
Charles leans forward, the screen mere inches away from his face, as he strokes the outline of Y/N’s face on the screen, whispering desperately, “Please don’t, mon cœur…”
“I love you so, so much. You and D/N are the most precious gifts, the greatest joys I have had the privilege to experience, so please, please,” she claps her hands together, moving them back and forth, “please…when I die, I want you to live.”
Y/N rises from the couch and walks towards the screen, her eyes unwavering for even a moment. “Give my little girl all my love, and kiss and hug her extra tight for as long as you can, for me.”
Offering one final smile, she blows a kiss at the screen. “I love you. Please don’t stop. Don't stop loving and don't stop living.”
The video freezes with Y/N frozen in place, a beautiful smile etched onto her lips, filled with the purest form of love.
Feeling suddenly overwhelmed, Charles collapses, the weight of the world pressing down on him. He drops his face into his hands and releases all of it: sob after sob after sob. There’s something liberating about finally letting go; the burden pours out of him, leaving behind a fragile yet tranquil Charles as he gazes at the still shot of his beloved wife, whom he adores so deeply.
A soft click draws his attention to the door just in time for it to creak open slowly, revealing his little girl standing there, her favourite yellow teddy bear clutched tightly in her arms.
“Papa,” her voice floats like a gentle breeze.
Charles smiles, opening his arms wide as she runs towards him. He's momentarily winded as she reaches him, but he quickly regains his composure and lifts her onto his lap.
“Hello, my love,” he whispers, touching his forehead to hers.
Her tiny hand pats his cheek, her expression filled with concern. “You’re crying?”
Charles shakes his head, trying to reassure her. “Happy tears,” he explains, “look.” He points at the screen, where Y/N's serene face is frozen in time.
“Maman!” D/N exclaims, slipping from his lap and heading towards the screen. Her small hands tap the screen eagerly as she calls out, “Maman! Maman! Maman!”
“Yes,” Charles swallows, ignoring the pang in his chest as he shifts his focus to his little girl. “You want to see Maman, huh?”
He rises from the sofa and lifts D/N into the air, settling her on his hip. “How about we go take a look at the photo albums, okay? There are lots of beautiful pictures of Maman in there, alright?”
“Maman! Maman! Maman!” D/N continues to exclaim, squirming excitedly in his arms as they walk through the door and down the hallway into the living room.
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f1gossipofficial
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liked by username, username, username and 14,296 others
f1gossipofficial Nine months after the tragic passing of his wife, Y/N, Charles Leclerc has been spotted for the first time on a beach in Spain with their shared daughter.
Witnesses who captured the photographs above mentioned that he appeared to be coping well, and fans respectfully gave them space while appreciating the sight from afar.
We're glad to see Charles out and about again, and we extend our best wishes to him and his family as they continue to navigate these changes.
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username im so glad the fans kept to themselves
username right?? so respectful🫶
username charlie🥹❤️ it's been so long but we'll always be here whenever he's ready
username tbh I was very worried during the radio silence but I think him being out there is a step in the right direction🥲
username still can't believe y/n is no longer here... i miss her sm😭
username omg there's a vid on twitter of them playing ball and u can hear their daughter giggling 💕
username I can't find it could you pls send the link?🙏 username dmed u! username me too pls
username it must be so hard to grief y/n while also trying to be strong for their daughter :( sending him all the strength!!
username 😭😭😭
4:44 ────────────ㅇ 4:44
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ozzgin · 8 months ago
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Hello.
Do you think I can request headcanons for Nakamaro ?
Like in an alternate route, reader and him (he's in his twenties because... magic ?) are married and reader is pregnant.
But the funny thing is, Nakamaro can't bully the yokais because reader will exorcise him each time he tries.
Aaaaah I finished writing and only afterwards it occurred to me you might've wanted a modern day reader for this. 😭 I imagined the events in his own timeline. Oh well. I think it can work both ways. Just replace the ancient pouch with, I don't know, a visa card that he throws at your parents for wife payment.
Yandere! Onmyōji x Reader
Yokai Harem AU as the wife of Abe no Nakamaro, a legendary sorcerer and collector of yokai. Although you're not quite as powerless as to not keep his cruelty under control.
Content: female reader, arranged marriage, mentions of pregnancy
[Main Story] [Character Guide]
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Your family had vehemently opposed the marriage. To think their one and only daughter would fall into the hands of such a cruel man. The famous Abe no Nakamaro, descendant of Abe no Seimei himself, has quite a contradicting reputation. He has saved many lives, cured countless illnesses, protected villages from monsters and brought peace to the land. Yet many have also witnessed his ruthless nature: the arrogance he has towards humans, the disdain and utter disgust he harbors towards demons. He is quick to punish, rarely forgives, and never forgets. The yokai he’s captured under a binding contract are kept on a leash, like cattle before slaughter.
It is this man who approached your parents one day, when you were still young, demanding your hand. He claimed you had special powers and a lot of potential under the right guidance. Such spiritual prowess would waste away in a family of plebeians. You don’t remember much of the discussion, only the expressions: the man’s mocking grin as he threw a pouch fattened with coins, the frown of your parents who wanted to refuse, the uneasy, grim eyes of the horned demons brought to intimidate. It was clear they were there against their will. One will find just how difficult it is to go against the wishes of the onmyōji, and you happened to be his most ardent desire. Thus, with a heavy heart, you’d been sent away with the stranger who promised you were to live a life of luxury. One your parents could never afford.
True to his word, you have not struggled since. In Akutagawa’s short masterpiece, Hell Screen, artist Yoshihide is wicked and vicious towards everything and everyone except his beloved daughter. Similarly, the sorcerer seems to have a soft spot for you in particular. He often praises your talent, and patiently caters to your whims without complaint. You once inquired about it yourself, as the idea weighed heavily on your mind: why is it that he does not show the same hostility towards you? He stared at you as if you just grew two more heads. "You're my wife. What else is there to question?"
This favoritism, however, is to the benefit of everyone. Especially to the yokai under his command. You've grown rather fond of the demons in your years spent alongside them, and they've quickly learned that your presence means safety from any punishment. Some need reassurance more than others. To these you've even begun to feel like a motherly figure, shielding them from the wrath of an unforgiving master. At last, an authority even Abe no Nakamaro himself can't disobey: the word of his wife.
And soon enough, as if your marriage wasn't already the ultimate argument, you welcome the return of your husband with the news he's always longed for: you are the soon-to-be mother of his child. His name has just been guaranteed to continue its course through time. To say he is elated is an understatement. You've only seen him smile so genuinely once before in your life, on your wedding day.
"Can you imagine the powers this child will command?" He muses, referring most likely to the fact you've both been blessed with an innate, unmatched talent in onmyōdō. You finish rolling the parchment paper and gently tap his head with the scroll in a scolding manner. "You better not burden the kid with your bizarre expectations!" The same man feared throughout the country is chuckling apologetically at your gesture. "As the Mother says."
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Text
You Need Only Ask [professor!Marcus Pike x librarian!reader]
Read on Ao3
Pairing: History of Art professor Marcus Pike x art library reader/you (cishet female)
Tags/Warnings: Kind of pining idiots but only one is pining, everyone is being professional but it's clear that Marcus is a pining idiot, implied coworkers to lovers.
Summary: Professor Marcus Pike is one of those cliché absent-minded professors - or so you think, but maybe there's another reason why this brilliant academic is acting a dumb fool around you?
Words: 3,534
A/N: This was inspired by an ask sent to me by @just-here-for-the-moment for a fic ask game thingy. Here's the original ask and my reply. I didn't write it exactly like that (main difference is my fic is set in modern times), but I hope y'all still like it!
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”Good morning.”
Your customer service smile in place, you look over your shoulder.
”Morning, Professor. Just give me a second and I will be right with you.”
He hums, and you turn back to the bookcase where you were just about to finish re-shelving returns. Once done, you join Marcus Pike, Professor of Art History, at the desk. He’s tapping his fingers, almost impercievably, against the surface of the old solid wood desk, and you stifle a sigh. He didn’t have to wait that long.
”What can I do for you?” you ask politely. Professor Pike is never rude, but he is the typical professor type: absent-minded, a little awkward, his research always the number one priority.
“I looked for this book in the online catalog, but as I suspected, you don’t have it. It’s probably sold out, too.” He gives you a piece of paper before both his hands disappear into his pockets.
“Another inter-library loan, then?” you state, looking at the title. It’s in French, and you know immediately that your library doesn’t have it. Professor Pike is not the most computer-skilled person, so you usually double-check every book he asks for in the database, but this one you know you don’t have.
“Might have to go international for this one,” you tell him. “Canada och Europe. That’s coming out of your department’s budget, you know that.”
“I’ll make room,” he shrugs, looking towards the door, like he can’t wait to get back to the comfort of his own office. “And could you please give me more time with the last one you got for me? I need it for a bit longer.”
“I’ll contact the lending library,” you nod. “I’ll let you know.”
“Great. Thank you.”
The “Sure thing” has barely left your mouth before Pike is out the door, the sound of his steps against the stone floor quickly disappearing down the hall. You shake your head before sitting down to look up the book for him.
As you work, you once again wonder how people like Marcus Pike get jobs at all. Someone as introverted as that would never have a real shot at getting a library job, which requires people skills, patience, and the ability to stand in front of people. But when it comes to academia, it seems like all you need is credentials and a good research profile, and you’re hired. Unlike you, who had to fight tooth and nail for this position. You have Master’s degrees in art and library science, educational and language studies, job experience, and it was still almost impossible to get this job. People who have these jobs never seem to retire but just sit there, year after year, until they eventually sprout roots that fasten them to their chairs.
But you’re here now, since five years, and while Pike’s predecessor never showed his face in the library but sometimes sent you cryptical emails requests that took you half a day to decipher, it’s nice to see that the much younger professor actually frequents the university’s special arts library.
Finally locating Pike’s book in a university library in France, you quickly find the instructions for ILL’s, and send a loan request. After that, you apply for more time for Pike’s previous book, and by afternoon, you have confirmation for both books: one will be mailed out later during the day in Europe, the other has been renewed. You let Pike know through an email, before performing closing duties in the library. Your computer pings just as you’re about to turn it off, and you see that it’s a reply from Pike. Clicking it up, you see the very unlikely response:
>>Amazing, what a service. Just bill the department, I’ve got it covered. Thank you so much 😊 <<
Shaking your head in disbelief at the informal tone, you turn off the computer, clock out, and go home.
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Professor Pike is back two days later, now asking for a book that’s available. When you tell him so, he clears his throat, gaze flickering away from you.
“Could you maybe show me where it is?”
“Sure.” You’re curt, because this isn’t the first time. It’s an easy enough book to find, and every item in the library is labeled, and the database even has an interactive feature where you can click on the item’s call number to open up a layout of the stacks, showing the correct shelf in red. It has freed you up a lot now that most patrons can easily find their literature themselves, but some people just want you to do everything for them.
“You know, Professor, you could maybe my start of term library tour useful,” you dare to tease him as you walk before him to the right case. “Most freshmen find it very helpful, and they can usually manage their own information retrieval after.”
“I think maybe a little touch-up course would do me good,” he replies, voice a little tight. “But I like personal service.”
You find the book, pull it out, and hand it to him.
“That’s what I’m here for,” you tell him easily. “Anything else I can do for you?”
He swallows visibly.
“No, thank you.”
He uses the self check-out this time, and leaves quickly without saying goodbye. You shake your head, and catch the eye of Mandy, a Master’s student who works on her thesis in the library almost every day.
“Strange fellow, that one, isn’t he?”
She gives you a peculiar look. “I guess so.”
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One thing that you appreciate a lot about your job is the building itself. The campus was built in Collegiate Gothic style in the middle of the 19th century, and compared to the nearby city library with its white surfaces, glass walls, and modern design furniture, the much quieter arts library still seems more alive. The library houses more books than one would think when first seeing it, and it has the charming nooks and crannies that are so common for old houses.
You’re standing in one of those nooks one day; an alcove that houses folios, a cart of tall books parked next to the step stool that you’re standing on. You hear someone enter the library, shout out a “Hello!” as you usually do to let patrons know that you’re in the stacks, and receive a low answer. Mindful not to hurt your wrists, you pick up another folio from the cart, and put it back in its place.
The sound of footsteps stops at the desk, and you pick up the next book.
“Be right with you!”
The patron moves again, slowly walking towards the corner where you are, as if looking for you. You turn your head just as you see Professor Pike come around the corner of a bookcase.
“Oh,” he clears his throat. “There you are.”
“Here I am,” you nod, picking up the next book. “Almost done.”
“I got your email about the book from France. They sent it rather fast.”
“I was surprised, too,” you admit. There’s one book left, and you really should get down from the stool, move it, and get up again, but you’re lazy. You reach, getting up on your toes, just barely getting the book into place when you feel the stool slip from under you. You gasp, a thousand thoughts rushing through your head during the split second you’re in free fall, and then you land softly, not on the floor, but against a corduroy chest, strong arms holding you.
“Shit, that was close!”
You’re tongue-tied, wide-eyed with shock, heart in your throat and going a mile a minute to make up for the missed beats.
“Are you okay?”
You slowly start to realize that you’re in the arms of Marcus Pike, who caught you when you fell from the stool. And he’s still holding you.
“Yeah, I, yeah, fine, I’m good.” You babble, moving uncomfortably to let him know to let you down, which he does with the utmost care. Your legs are wobbly, and Pike keeps a hand on your waist to make sure you won’t fall.
“Are you sure?”
“Positive,” you now giggle, embarrassed but simultaneously exhilarated by the rush of adrenaline. “That wasn’t stupid at all, was it? I’ve been thinking about having that stool replaced, but I never got around to it, haha. I guess it takes an accident for me to get my thumb out of my a-, I mean, to get it done.”
Your cheeks are heating up, your hands are shaking as you grab the handles of the cart, kicking the accursed stool to the side.
“That was really scary, though,” Pike tells you in a low voice. “You could’ve really injured yourself.”
“Yeah, thanks, I mean, thanks for catching me.” You bite your lower lip and force yourself to look at him. “I’m so embarrassed. I should’ve been more careful.”
“Just glad I was here,” he shrugs, slowly following you as you march to the desk. “Although one could argue that had I not been here, you wouldn’t have tried to restack that heavy book without moving your stool. Sorry if I stressed you.”
“You didn’t,” you tell him lightly. “I sometimes cut corners like that. It’s fine, no harm done.”
You park the cart in its spot behind the desk, and turn to the shelf of reserved books.
“Here’s your inter-library loan. Due date four weeks from now, if you need it for longer, you know the drill.”
“I do,” he replies quietly and accepts the book from you. Holding it in one hand, he carefully opens it with the other, and thoughtfully browses through it. You sit down, flustered and still a little shaky, hoping that he’ll leave so that you can nurse your wounded pride, and maybe have a drink of water.
“It’s about these eighteenth-century art frauds in Europe – “
“I know. I read the title,” you cut him off, more curt than you meant to. Pike closes the book and nervously fingers the paper slip in it.
“You read French?”
“I even speak it.”
A smile breaks out on his face. “Of course you do.”
You stare at him, frowning as you try to understand what his deal is, and why he’s suddenly smiling like that. It’s never happened before.
And you’ve never noticed what a charming smile he has. It reveals a dimple in his right cheek that makes him look younger than he is – not that he’s old in any way, he must be around your age, somewhere between forty and fifty. The smile makes you even more shaky, and you can’t stop staring at him. He eventually notices, the smile dies down, and he lowers his eyes.
“Well, thanks,” he mumbles, turning around and walking away briskly, leaving you to stare after him, wondering what the hell happened.
Mandy comes in from her lunch break, waves a hello, then stops when she sees you.
“Is everything okay?”
You nod dismissively. “I’m fine, Mandy. I just… almost fell from a stool. But no harm done.”
She expresses her sympathies before going to the study area. You take a deep breath, and disappear into the back room for a glass of water.
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There’s tittling in the stacks, but you don’t pay it any mind: it’s part of library life, especially on a campus filled with hormonal young adults. It’s not until your hear Professor Pike’s name mentioned that you stop writing on your keyboard, and strain to hear better.
“He’s the best lecturer here.”
“And he’s so fucking hot, don’t you think?”
“Cara! He’s a million years old!”
“No, he’s not, he’s like the youngest of the faculty, except for Langley, but she’s a woman.”
“Well, I’m bi, and she’s fine too.”
Shameless giggling ensues, and you have to stifle one as well.
“Wouldn’t mind doing some extra credit for Professor Pike…”
“That’s so tacky, Mindy.”
“Come on, like you haven’t thought about it.”
The girls appear from the stacks, carrying literature over to the self service check-out.
“I just think that his lectures are amazing. He can explain literally anything so that I get it. And he knows so much.”
You stare at your screen, but you’re listening to the students.
“He should lecture more, why doesn’t he have any classes?”
“Dug, because he’s a professor, he has other things to do.”
“I’d give him something to do…”
More giggling.
“I’m serious! I ended upw atching that Youtube lecture twice just because he’s so good!”
The girls borrow their books while talking, then nod good-bye to you as they leave. You nod back, then hit up Youtube, and type in Professor Marcus Pike.
You find a video of him giving a lecture on the history of art, and open it. And your jaw drops.
The man in the video is confident without being cocky, talkative, engaging, contact-seeking. He speaks clearly, even drops a couple of jokes, and he walks around the podium in the auditorium. If it wasn’t for that corduroy jacket with the leather patches at the shoulders, the one that you had enveloped around yourself last week, you wouldn’t have recognized the man.
You close the video and chew your lower lip. You always thought Pike was this nutty professor who didn’t know how to behave around people and preferred books to socializing. But the man in the video is nothing like that. So what is his problem when talking to you?
Navigating to Facebook, you search his name, finding him easily enough. He doesn’t seem to be very active, but his professional profile is listed.
His status is set to “single”, which surprises you, but you think no further of it. You click on to photos, finding only a few, most of them outdated.
“Good afternoon.”
You look up, startled at the familiar voice. Seeing Marcus Pike’s face, you close the browser window quickly.
“Sorry,” he quickly apologizes. “Didn’t mean to startle you.”
“No worries, I was just… working.”
He clears his throat. “I’d like to return this.”
You accept the book from him, recognizing it as one of his previous ILL’s.
“Thank you.”
A couple of students come in, saying hello to both of you before disappearing into the stacks, phones in hand, library catalog probably open in their mobile browsers. Marcus looks after them, moving his weight from one foot to the other. You put the book to the side.
“Anything else I can do for you, Professor?”
He almost jumps at the sound of your voice.
“Um, no, thank you, I have to get back to work, grad student coming to see me, um, thanks, I’ll let your know if I need anything.”
He leaves the library, and you’re almost laughing. What the hell was that?
As soon as the students have found and borrowed their books, and you’re alone in the library with Mandy, she gets up and comes over to the desk. You smile your mild customer service smile at her, but she returns it with a wry grin.
“You know that he likes you right?”
You blink, not understanding. “Excuse me?”
“Professor Pike. He likes you.”
You shake your head to show her that you have no idea what she’s talking about, and she laughs.
“Oh, come on! The way he stutters and stumbles when he’s here. And he talks about you all the time, every chance he gets.”
“He what?” Your voice goes up, and you clamp your mouth shut. Mandy nods.
“He always tells us to use the library, and ask you for help. The librarian there is really competent, we’re lucky to have such a professional at our service, that sort of thing.”
“Why do you think that means he likes me?” you ask, cheeks heating up. This is stupid, this girl is half your age, and you’re talking like both of you are in middle school.
“Because he’s super confident in class, in meetings, whenever he talks to anyone, except you.”
“That doesn’t mean anything.”
“Hello!” Mandy rolls her eyes. “Earth to librarian lady! He’s like a flustered cinnamon bun whenever he’s around you – “
“Cinnamon bun?” you interrupt her, incredulously.
“Cutie patootie in old folk speech,” Mandy smirks at you, and you scoff.
“I know what a cinnamon bun is.”
“Whatever. He comes here constantly, doesn’t he? I sit here most days, and no other faculty member visits as much. He’s here practically every day, asking you the simplest questions. He’s into you.”
“I… don’t know what you’re talking about, Mandy,” you mumble, hands fidgeting in your lap.
“Alright, if you say so,” she smirks. “But I know what I’d do if I were you.”
Later, when she leaves the library, wishing you a good weekend, you open up the browser window again, Pike smiling charmingly at you from his profile picture. You look at it for a long time before logging out, and getting up to reshelf returns.
Friday afternoon in the library makes for slow hours. It’s usually empty – even Mandy has left – and while it gives you the opportunity to prepare for next week, there are Fridays when you’d rather just close up, if you could, and go home early.
A quarter to four, when you’re impatiently tapping your foot for closing time, Marcus Pike shows up again. Mandy’s words echo in your head, making you nervous for the first time, but you manage to suppress that, instead turning on your professional persona.
“Back so soon?” you ask him lightly
“Yeah, I need a book.” He seems to understand himself how stupid that sounded.
“You’ve come to the right place.”
He tells you the title, and you look it up.
“It’s in, call number N5198-5299,” you inform him, then looking up at his hesitant expression. “It’s in the corner over there.”
“Um, could you show me? I’m not good at this.”
“Okay.” You get up and walk around the desk. “But it’s a class that you use a lot, Professor, you should be accustomed to it by now.”
“Marcus.”
“What’s that?”
“Call me Marcus. I don’t much like titles anyway.”
“Uh-huh.”
You take him to the right stacks, walking in between the heavy cases. It’s a tight squeeze, this one, and the book is located further in. You pick it out, and turn around, only to find Marcus standing right behind you.
You’ve been in this situation before, many times even. Worst times were when you worked in the city library, and creeps would crowd you between the stacks, not trying anything but coming closer than necessary.
Your heart misses a beat, but you’re not uncomfortable. Instead, you smell something familiar and comforting, something besides old paper, leather covers, and ink. It takes you a moment to realize that it’s Marcus’s cologne, the corduroy, his shampoo: earthy but fresh, a little like the forest after rain, but with an undertone of old leather armchair.
You wet your lips, and hold up the book he asked for.
“Your book.”
“Thank you.” He doesn’t take it, so you lower your hand. He clears his throat, but this time, he doesn’t look away, but straight into your eyes.
“I was wondering…”
“Yeah?” you breathe.
“There’s this classic movie festival this weekend, and I was wondering…”
“If I wanted to go with you?” you finish his sentence for him, as he takes too long for you to wait. He blinks, then smiles that sweet smile again.
“Exactly. Yes. Would you?”
“I’d like that.”
“Really?” The smile seems to broaden even more.
“Sure. Tomorrow?”
“Perfect. I can pick you up, if you want to. At six?”
“Perfect,” you echo, now smiling widely yourself. He exhales, like he’s been holding his breath this entirely time.
“Perfect.”
The desk phone rings, startling both of you. The book falls from your hand, and you look down at it, then up at Marcus.
“I need to get that.”
“Of course,” he nods. You make a little movement with your head.
“I need to get past you, Marcus?”
“Oh, yes, of course, sorry.”
He backs out from between the cases, letting you out as well. His cologne seems to rub off on your arm when you brush past him, hurrying to the desk. You answer the phone and try to focus on the person calling, take a couple of notes, and end the call just as Marcus comes walking to the desk, book in hand. You check it out for him, give him your number, and he smiles again as he thanks you. You follow him to the door so that you can close up after him.
“I’ll call,” he promises as he steps out. You nod, hand on the door handle.
“Looking forward to it.”
He raises the book as a farewell, then starts walking down the corridor. You’re about to close the door when you suddenly step out, calling his name.
“Marcus!”
He turns around immediately, and now that he’s standing with his back straight, instead of hunched over, you notice how tall and broad-shouldered he is.
“Yes?”
“For the record… you’re into me, right?”
He chuckles, his ears turning pink. “Yeah, I’m into you.”
“Just checking,” you grin. “See you tomorrow.”
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chososchalupa · 8 months ago
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Hey how about Bsd men (such as Dazai, Chuuya, Fyodor, Akutagawa, Atsushi and anyone of your choice) cooking for their s/o!reader? Love your writing btw!
thank you!! <3
cooking for you
includes - Dazai, Chuuya, Fyodor, Akutagawa, Atsushi
wc - 420, 239, 346, 339, 325
not proof read once again bc i am just too sleepy
Dazai -
You sniffled as you laid your head on Dazais lap, you had woken up with the worst cold and no matter how much medicine you took, it was not going away.
Dazai ran his fingers through your hair softly, “You feeling okay?”
You nodded, not wanting to speak due to your sore throat.
“You know, Mori used to make this special soup whenever he was ill. I could get the recipe from him and make it for you” Dazai smiled
You laughed softly, “I’m okay, ‘Samu. Thank you”
Dazai very rarely cooked and when he did, it didn’t come out the best and you did not want to upset your stomach even more.
You watched as Dazai pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to Mori. “I have to go to the store to get the ingredients, will you be okay?”
You sighed, of course he would refuse to listen to your denial. “I’ll be okay. You can just get a can of soup. You don’t need to cook for me”
Dazai simply waved his hand, dismissing your words. “I’ll be right back!” he smiled, kissing your cheek.
You must have fallen asleep while Dazai was gone as you awoke to a blaring sound coming from the kitchen. The fire alarm. Of course.
You got up from the couch, wrapped in your favorite blanket and walked towards the sound. You walked in to see a pot of soup on the stove, and your boyfriend fanning the smoke alarm.
“You’re awake! Perfect timing!” Dazai smiled, turning to face you once the alarm had subsided.
You nodded and sat at the table, watching as he poured you a bowl of the soup he had made.
“This will make you feel much better,” Dazai smiled, placing the bowl in front of you.
You thanked him as you looked into the bowl, it looked and smelled great but your expectations were still low.
Dazai sat next to you and watched as you moved your spoon of soup into your mouth, “What do you think?”
You swallowed and smiled up at him, “It’s really good. Thank you”
For once, you weren't lying about his cooking. It did taste good, way better than you were expecting. You finished the bowl and mumbled something about needing a nap causing Dazai to smile, lifting you up from your chair and carrying you to your shared bed.
You’re still not sure what Dazai put in his soup, but you woke up feeling much better thanks to him.
Chuuya -
You opened your eyes to the morning sun shining bright into your bedroom, you looked over and realized your boyfriend, Chuuya, wasn’t in bed with you as he normally is. 
‘Mori must have called’ you thought as you rolled out of bed. 
With Chuuya gone, you were in no rush to get ready. You picked out an outfit from your closet and went to the bathroom to finish your morning routine. 
As you exited the shower, you could smell pancakes in the air. Confused, you quickly got dressed and walked to the kitchen.
“About time you woke up!” Chuuya laughed as he turned away from the stove.
You glanced down at his body, he had on your apron and was covered in pancake mix. You giggled softly as you wrapped your arms around him, “I thought you had left this morning”
Chuuya returned the hug before turning back around to flip the pancakes he had on the stove. “Nope! Boss said i’m free for the weekend”
“About time” You responded, sitting at the bar in your kitchen as you watched your boyfriend continue making breakfast.
The two of you talked about Chuuyas upcoming mission until he was finally done cooking. He plated you both a full plate and came to sit down beside you.
“This is delicious, Chu” You smiled
“I’m glad you like it” He responded, kissing your cheek. Leaving the residue of maple syrup on your face.
Fyodor -
You sighed loudly as you walked into Fyodor's office.
“What is it, my love?” He asked, not taking his eyes off of his monitors.
“Are you going to be in here all day?” You asked, sitting on top of his desk.
Fyodor sighed and turned towards you, grabbing your hand and pressing his lips to it, “I’m sorry. This is very important. You understand, yes?”
You gave a fake smile and nodded, “Of course. I may ask Sigma if he’d like to go shopping”
Fyodor nodded and gave one last kiss to your hand before turning back to the screens in front of him, “Be safe”
You quickly left the office and sent a text to Sigma, letting him know that you’d be on your way soon.
“Can you believe he forgot our anniversary?!” You asked as Sigma got into the car beside you.
“I’m a bit surprised” He responded, “He is always going on how much you mean to him”
“He’s just always so caught up in work” 
“Maybe he is planning something for tonight?”
“Maybe” You sighed
By the time you and Sigma had finished shopping, it had been well past dinner. 
“Should we go out?” You asked
Sigma gave a sad smile, “I can’t tonight. I unfortunately have plans with Nikolai. Besides, Fyodor may have plans for the two of you” 
“If he ever stops staring at his monitors” you laughed
You had finally gotten home after dropping Sigma off, you walked through your front door expecting to have to drag Fyodor out of his office yourself but the sight in front of you had made you freeze. 
“Welcome home, my love!” Fyodor smiled, as he pulled a rack of lamb from the stove. “I made us dinner for tonight. I hope you are hungry”
You couldn’t help the wide smile that came onto your face
“I thought you forgot” you whispered, going to hug your boyfriend of five years.
“How could I forget such an important day?” He responded, “I am done working for today, let’s eat and celebrate our anniversary, yeah?”
Akutagawa -
“What are you doing for your birthday tonight? Are you and Ryu doing anything?” Gin asked as the two of you walked from the Port Mafia building to her and Akutagawa's shared apartment. 
“Nothing that I know of. He hasn't even said ‘Happy Birthday’ to me yet” You sighed
“Really? Now that I think of it, I haven’t seen him since I left this morning. I wonder if he’s feeling ill”
As you approached their apartment, you allowed Gin to enter first. You went to follow but was abruptly stopped when she turned around with her finger pressed to her lips, “Listen” she whispered
The two of you stood in the doorway as you heard two voices coming from the kitchen,
“Is that Chuuya?” You whispered, “There’s no way he got here before we did. He hadn’t even left his office when we left!”
Gin shrugged as the two of you listened 
“Akutagawa, please don’t make me go over there. Baking a cake should not be this difficult.”
“They’re on facetime” Gin giggled
“Baking a cake?” You whispered back
Gin nodded before Akutagawa spoke,
“They could get here any minute, Chuuya! What should I do?!”
“Put the cake in the fucking oven! I’m hanging up”
You heard Akutagawa sigh as the call ended, “I hope i’m not fucking this up”
“Fucking what up?” Gin asked, walking into the house with you following behind.
Akutagawa spun around, his face a beat red, “I am baking a cake”
“A cake? What flavor?” You asked
“It is vanilla with chocolate frosting”
“My favorite!” you smiled, walking over and kissing your boyfriend.
“I know,” He smiled, “I hope it’s good. I’ve never baked anything before”
“We heard,” Gin laughed, “We were outside the whole time you were on the phone with Chuuya”
You giggled as Akutagawa’s eyes widened, “Go” he replied, pointing towards Gin’s bedroom.
She laughed and waved at you before turning to her room
“It will be good, Aku. Thank you” You smiled up at him
“Of course, darling. Happy birthday”
Atsushi -
“Atsushi” you whined, laying your head on his desk.
The two of you had been stuck doing paperwork since this morning, hours had past and the only thing you’ve had to eat today was a donut that Ranpo had given you in exchange for doing his paperwork as well.
“We’re almost done,” Atsushi responded, continuing to type on his computer.
“You’d be done a lot faster if you stopped. talking.” Kunikida said, glaring at the two of you
You rolled your eyes before going back to your desk. Although, it was only another fifteen minutes before you were complaining again.
“You are almost as bad as Dazai,” Kunikida said, pinching the bridge of his nose.
Atsushi stood from his desk, “I’m finished mine. I’ll be right back, okay?”
You nodded as you laid your head back on your desk, this was going to take forever.
You ended up finishing two papers before your boyfriend came back, covered in sweat.
“Where did you go? Why do you look like you just ran five miles?” You asked, looking down at the bag in his hand.
“I did run five miles” He replied, lifting the bag in his hand up “I went to the store and got us food!”
You nearly jumped from your chair as Atsushi pulled two cup ramens from the bag, “This should be enough until you’re finished with yours and Ranpos papers. We can go out once we’re done!”
“You are the absolute best, Atsushi” you smiled, kissing him on the cheek as you took the food from his hand.
You went to leave the room, going to make your noodles until you heard Kunikida yell, “Get back to work!”
You went to yell back but Atsushi grabbing the food from your hand distracted you, “Go back. I’ll make it for us”
You smiled and nodded, heading back to your desk to finish up the never-ending pile of work that was waiting for you.
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femmequixotic · 4 months ago
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Hello #Femmequixotic, I am a huge fan of your fics, and I've recently finished the 4th part of your Tales from the Special Branch.
Firstly, I'd like to express my admiration and love for your writing and creativity, and after reading your last post here, I hope you currently find yourself in a better place.
Now, I confess that I came here to see when you had last spoken about your work, and was incredibly excited to see that you were working on it, only to see that it has been over a year since.
I understand how life can be unpredictable, and no-one will be upset (although certainly sad) about you abandoning the series, but I came here to simply thank you for your work, and ask if there is any chance of an update (that being new chapters or the definite end to the series).
Regards,
V.
Hi, friend,
I just logged in after a significant amount of time away and saw this and some other lovely messages of support for me from various people. Thank you all so much for your kind words.
To provide an update on why I once again disappeared....well. Life is curiously, frustratingly exasperating sometimes. Just as I got back into writing last year, I started to have some health difficulties that I had to deal with. Long story short, I was rediagnosed with cancer in the spring of 2023. This recent tumor wasn't operable due to its placement, and technically was considered metastatic, so over the past year, I have been going through a very long process of two different types of radiation treatment plus five months of chemotherapy. I still have a very long stretch of immunotherapy ahead of me, and while the tumor seems to have melted away, we're not entirely certain the cancer is gone based on some symptoms I continue to have. My oncology team is awesome, though, and they're doing everything they can to help me.
I'm better than I was a year ago--or even six months ago--so that's positive, and my brain is finally starting to return back to normal from some of the fatigue and fog from treatment and from being ill. I'd like to go back to writing, and I'm feeling more creative as my strength builds back up. I don't want to promise anything, since the last time I did, life decided to immediately throw me a curveball, and to be honest, I'm still wicked tired on my good days, but I hope to complete the story within the next year. That's my plan, at least, so fingers crossed? I've always said I didn't want to abandon it at any point, and I'm determined to keep that promise to you all--and to myself.
So, yeah. That's what's been happening. I'm still here, I'm still fighting, and I'm still writing. Just super slowly, lol.
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st4rgirl7777 · 6 days ago
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Love Letters.
paring: idol jake x f reader
WARNING: Smut (MDNI 18+), mentions of masturbation, oral (m. receiving), cowgirl (let me know if i miss anything!)
a/n: just a reminder that this is all purely fiction! this my first time writing an enha fan fic. not proofread. (lmk if i miss anything) enjoy reading!
idol jake who just finished another concert during another exhausting world tour. don’t misunderstand him, he loves touring and he loves performing this has been his dream since he was a young little boy living in australia. he loves meeting all the fans and spending time with them. greeting the fans with a smile and collecting all the fan letters he receives from them. However, performing takes a toll on your body and mental health. hours of endless dancing and singing and having to appear happy and cheerful all the time. it takes a lot of time effort and energy.
jake is a simple guy with a simple routine to make himself feel better after a concert ends. he greets his fans as he leaves, makes his way to his hotel room, lock the door and well jerks off till he falls asleep. it’s his special way of getting his body to relax, makes him feel less stressed. he loves the feeling of the orgasmic release as he fists himself up and down repeatedly. he whines and moan desperately for the release and sometimes he even edges himself on purpose. he loves seeing the white ropes leak out of his cock and onto his hand and chest.
one night, jake decided to go through his fan mail before doing the deed. he sat on his bed, opened up the letter and began reading.
Dear Jake,
i hope this finds you well. i’m writing to let you know that i think about you all the time. i think about a lot of things, but lately i can only think about you sexually…
“woah..” jake says already feeling his pants getting tighter. he continues to read.
i think about how good it would feel, if your lips crashed onto mine. how i would trail my lips down your neck and chest leaving marks of proof that i was there. i would undress you slowly and caress you body.
at this point jake shirt is thrown across the floor and his hand is down his pants gently palming himself.
i would get on my knees for you and show you how good i can make you feel. my lips swirling your tip, gently kissing it before swallowing it whole. i can take all of you. i will lick it, suck it, make a whole mess just for you. i will show you how good you taste. your hands tangled in my hair as you push my head down fiercely. i would gag on it and take you in so deep. i’ll be such a good girl for you jakey.
“holy fuck” jake moans. his pants and boxers dropped to the bottom of the floor. letter in his left hand, his right hand busy with his harden dick. he pumps himself furiously using his pre-cum as lube.
and when i’m done milking your cock, i’ll get on top straddling you and ill sit on top of you. let you relax as i slide my tight pussy on your cock. i know you will fit so perfectly in me. i’ll whisper sweet nothings in your ear as i ride you jakey. and i won’t stop until you come undone for me. milking you until you’re crying and sensitive for me.
jake hand goes faster and faster, he pants as he imagines himself in the sacred position. he images himself reclining on the bed, as you slide ontop of him. he imagines himself filling you up with his thick cock. he pumps himself with long strides as his orgasm is near. “fuck” he whispers to himself. “i’m gonna cum.” with a few more harsh and fast pumps, he lets out a low pornographic moan and spills his hot liquid onto his hand and letter.
i don’t know if this letter will ever reach you. i don’t know if you will even read it. but i think about you all the time jake. i hope this tour goes well and you are taking care of yourself just like how i imagine taking care of you <3
he sits there catching his breathe and reliving the sexy show he just put on from a fan letter. after he manages to catch his breathe he folds the mail neatly and puts it back into the envelope. jake tucks it away in his suitcase for him to look back act for the rest of the tour.
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
a/n: i miss jake so much omg, anyways i hope you enjoyed reading my first enhypen fan fic, let me know if you liked it and as always tysm 444 reading. muah! - xo m
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moonlightpetalz6 · 1 year ago
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When You're Gone
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Characters: Satoru Gojo, Suguru Geto, Nanami Kento
Reader: Fem!reader
Warnings: Angst, readers death, violence, blood, swearing, pet names
Context: The reader ends up dying due to missions/illness. This is their reaction after you are gone.
Word Count: 3,109
A/N: Hi! Hi! I'm pretty new here so I hope I'm doing this right. I wanted to get back into writing so I thought why not give this a try! I hope you all can enjoy it!
Part 2
______________________________________________________________
Gojo
Gojo stood there with his eyes wide and mouth slightly open as he listened to Shoko give him the news. "Gojo… I'm so sorry." She whispered, unable to make eye contact with her old friend. He said nothing; all Gojo could do was stand there, his body trembling as his sapphire eyes trailed towards the open door behind Shoko, whose lips were still moving. There, through the small opening, he could see it. The table in which your now dead body lay unmoving and cold. 'She's right there…' Gojo thought while his fingers twitched, eyes wavering. 
Shoko, who hadn't been able to look at her friend, slowly lifted her eyes only to stare in shock at what was before her. Gojo stood there not uttering a single word while tears leaked from his eyes. Shoko took note of the blood dripping from his lip as he unconsciously bit down on the tender flesh. "Gojo you-" He was gone Before she could finish her sentence. Three days later, he watched as your body entered the ground, or at least what was left of your body. "They say it was a special grade curse. It came out of nowhere and killed her comrades and the other sorcerers with her." Someone whispered. "I heard that Gojo was supposed to accompany them but got busy with another mission." Another added. 
Gojo stood silently before your grave, his eyes masked with a blindfold. Though he appeared like he wasn't listening to anyone, he was. He listened to everyone at your funeral, ensuring that no one had bad-mouthed your name in his presence. 'Good…your name is still clean, my star.' 
About a week after your death, Gojo requested to go on a mission due to his eagerness to get back into the field, so soon after your death, rumors began to spread amongst the sorcerers. Some said that Gojo was running away, while others claimed he never cared for you. As these rumors spread back home in another area of the country, Gojo stood in a deep crater; blood littered the space around him as curses kept coming from all directions. Gojo stood there, his usual sunglasses perched on the bridge of his nose. 
He let out a deep breath while stepping forward, his body wobbling as if he wasn't fully aware of his movements. "Enough…" He whispered, his voice filled with venom. The curses paid him no mind while charging towards the sorcerer, each one determined to end his life. Gojo grits his teeth; if his jaw were to clench more, it would break. "Just hurry up and fucking die! All of you!" he shouted, tears running down his face. Gojo's eyes, usually so clear and bright as day, were bloodshot and contained a dark hue. "Die! Die! Die! Dammit!" He screamed as loud as he could while annihilating every curse. 
Gojo's mind was blank of all rational thinking, his breathing heavy while his chest ached with each movement he made. "Why do you keep taking them from me?!?! What did I do to you, dammit?!?!" Gojo cursed all the gods, his heart unable to process any more pain. An image of you flashed through his mind. You were so beautiful as you stood in front of him. Your body language was everywhere as you shyly avoided eye contact with him. 
"Haha! What's got you acting all shy like this? Am I that handsome that just standing next to me is too much?!" He cried out dramatically while pretending to shy away from false embarrassment. You stood there with a pout while looking up at your childish boyfriend. "Oh, shut up! As if!" Gojo just laughed while you punched his chest. You looked at him with a slight frown on your face. "Why do you always do that?" Gojo hummed, looking at you with a curious brow. "You always let me touch you…why?" Your question caused him to look up in thought before he smiled. "Don't know! I guess I love you that much!" He laughed, watching the giant blush cross your face as you looked away. 
"A-anyways, Here!" You yelled, shoving the neatly wrapped gift towards him. He looked at the present, slightly surprised, before smiling as he happily snatched it from your hand. "Oh~ What's this~?" he sang while carefully unwrapping the gift. He smiled, seeing the glasses case, remembering how he had mentioned needing a new pair of sunglasses almost a month ago. He carefully opened the case, noting that this was the brand he loved. You were always so thoughtful and careful when it came to details. He loved how your eye would twitch whenever he purposely forgot an item you needed for events or cooking. 
 "So you won't complain anymore." Your words snapped him out of his thoughts as he looked at you. You stood there with a slight pout as you nervously messed with your fingers. "You keep forgetting so…I thought it would be a nice present." He felt his heart flutter as he watched you grow embarrassed, the blush on your face making him want to smother you in kisses. "Awe! My Y/n is the sweetest and most thoughtful!" He gushed while picking you up bridal style. You just screamed at him, face red, "I-idiot! Satoru put me down! I hate you!" You cried out while he just laughed. 
Gojo stood there panting while the last curse vanished before his eyes. Just then, the bridge connecting his lens snapped, causing the sunglasses to fall from his face. He quickly caught them in his hands, staring down at the broken pieces. Tears formed in his eyes again as he bit his lip before falling to his knees. 
"How am I supposed to get new glasses now, Y/n? I can't remember anything without you."
_______
Geto
Geto ran through the hospital corridors, screaming your name as he pushed past anyone in his way. His heart clenched when he turned the corner and saw his friend hunched over while sitting on the waiting bench. "Satoru! Where is she?!" Geto cried as he reached his best friend. Gojo looked at him with a pained expression as he slowly went and stood in front of your boyfriend. Gojo made sure to take in his friend's current appearance. Geto stood there, hands on his knees as his body heaved heavily with each gasp of breath. His hair started falling out of his usually kept bun while his eyes strained and filled with fear. It pained Gojo to see his best friend looking like such a wreck, and for good reason. 
"Suguru…" He spoke in a defeated voice, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. Getos's heart stopped when he heard his name. he could feel his knees shake as he reached for his friend. "Hey…come on." He started as he gripped Gojo's uniform, his knuckles turning white. "She's fine, right, Satoru? She's really strong, remember! So she has to be…fine…" Geto trailed off as his mind processed the wet feeling on his hands. His body stiffened as he slowly looked down at the clothing he held in his fists. There, he noticed the blood staining the fabric. Tears started to spill from his eyes as he shook Gojo while screaming. "No! No! No! You promised me, Satoru!" cries echoed throughout the empty hall as Geto fell to his knees. 
"You both promised me you'd be fine." Those words stung the blue-eyed sorcerer, who couldn't help but fall to the floor with his friend as he held him in his arms, mumbling apologies after apologies. "Tell me this is just one of her jokes, Satoru… It's one of her fucked up jokes." Geto continued to cry as loud as he could, unable to accept your sudden death. The next day, Geto had you cremated and brought you back to your shared home. You had no family and had always talked to him about how if you were to die first, you wished to be turned to ashes so you could still be near him. "What a stupid thing," Geto whispered as he sat on the floor, hugging your urn like it would vanish instantly, just like you had from his life. 
________
Weeks went by, and no one had heard anything from Geto. He stayed locked inside his home, his eyes void of emotion as dark circles lay under his eyes from the immense lack of sleep. He sat on the floor of your shared room, scanning all the clothes and items that littered the area. His eyes felt so dry from all his tears within the last few weeks. He let out a small groan as he pinched the bridge of his nose before taking note of the small hairpin in his hand. It was a black hairpin with gold flakes splattered around it, a small crescent moon resting at the end with two small star chains that hung off it. He remembers seeing you always wear it, claiming it was your favorite. 
"You know I can always buy you a new one, right?" Geto asked as he sat on the edge of your shared bed, his arm resting on his knee as he placed his chin in his palm. "Huh? What are you talking about?" You asked your boyfriend, a questioning look on your face. You were never one to ask for anything, nor did you like it when people bought you things, which was tough for Geto as he just wanted to spoil you. "The hairpin…you wear that one all the time. Don't you want a new one?" You just looked at Geto with a slight smile on your face. 
"I don't mind wearing this one all the time! Besides, it's my favorite one!" You laughed, a slight hue on your cheeks while you went and gently touched the hairpin. "It's so beautiful and brings me joy…p-plus it reminds me of someone." With those last few words, Geto's ears twitched as a sly grin crossed his face. "Oh~ and do say who that someone is, my little angel~" Geto teased as he went and grabbed you by the waist, making sure to pull you back onto the bed with him. You just squealed as you laughed lightly, hitting his chest. 
"Suguru! Stop it, you dummy!" Geto closed his eyes in bliss, loving how your laugh sounded so angelic to his ears. "Gosh, I love your laugh." He whispered as he hid, nuzzled into the crook of your neck. You blush, a slight smile on your face as the hairpin makes a little noise while you move to kiss Geto. He hummed as you pulled away before you started playing with each other's hair. "I love your hair… It's so pretty." You cooed, giving a strand a small kiss. Geto blushed before doing the same to yours. "I love yours as well." 
Geto sat there, tears falling from his eyes once again as he clenched the hairpin in his hand, bringing it towards his lips and placing a shaky kiss. 
"Y/n…my angel… who's going to play with my hair now…I wanna place this hairpin in your hair once again."
________
Nanami
Nanami stood there, eyes wide, as he held your hand in the hospital bed. You had been diagnosed with an incurable illness when you were very young. He knew this when he first asked you to be his girlfriend. He had thought that the disease wouldn't kill you for a long time as it had been over ten years since you had been diagnosed. He was such a fool. About five years into your relationship, your condition took an immense turn for the worse, and you were left bedridden with a time limit of only three months. Nanami couldn't believe you would be going through his life so suddenly. You, his precious flower. 
He had made sure to visit you every single day, minus the days when he was forced away on missions that you would fight him to go on saying things like, "You can't stop saving people and doing your job just cause I'm sick Kento! That's so unattractive!" You would huff while pointing a finger at him. Nanami would flinch as if he were struck with an arrow by your words before setting off the next day to complete the mission as fast as possible. Each day, he would bring you gifts like flowers, books, desserts, you name it. Each time he did, you would scold him, saying things like 'I don't want you to regret spending your money on me.' or 'Kento darling! Just seeing your handsome face is enough for me!' He knew you hated receiving gifts, but at the same time, he loved seeing that soft smile that crossed your face each time it would process in your mind that he was thinking of you. 
"Kento darling?" You whisper while your boyfriend lies with you on the hospital bed, his head resting on your chest as his arms wrap around you tightly. "Yes, my flower?" He lifted his head just so his tired eyes could meet your own. You smiled at him as you raised your hands to gently hold his cheeks, your thumbs rubbing the dark circles under his eyes. He instantly relaxed at the feeling of his eyes fluttering shut. "Have you been getting enough sleep?" Kento opened his eyes and saw your frown, causing him to let out a small chuckle as he went and kissed one of your wrists. It was true he was losing so much sleep, but he couldn't help it. Not having you next to him in your shared bed was killing him.
"I'm sorry, my flower…you know I can't lie to you." He whispered before nuzzling his head back onto your chest. You pout at this while resting a hand on his head, carefully running your fingers through his soft hair. He knew you hated when he overworked himself and wouldn't get proper sleep, but it was the only thing keeping him together. "Don't worry… I'll get some sleep right now." He whispered before shutting his eyes, drifting off to your heartbeat. "Kento…please take care of yourself for me." You would whisper once you knew he was fully asleep. 
_______
Kento held your hand, tears falling from his eyes as the nurses rushed into the room, one of them gently trying to push him away. He couldn't hear a single word anyone was saying as he gripped your now cold hand, refusing to let go of your soft skin for the last time. You just lay on the hospital bed, a faint smile on your face, while Nanami was pulled out of the room, screaming your name. After your funeral, Nanami completely submerged himself in his work, refusing to take any time for himself or others. Gojo would make sure to stop by to at least annoy Nanami into eating and drinking any of the snacks he would bring to ensure his friend would not suffer from starvation or dehydration. 
"Nanami~ I brought you some delicious sweets from this shop I really liked~ Try 'em ~" Gojo sang as he danced into Nanami's office with a plastic bag. Nanami let out a deep sigh from his desk as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Placing his pen down, Nanami slowly lifted his head to look at Gojo, dark circles under his eyes. Gojo whistled, hand on his hip as he placed the bag in front of Nanami with a small thump. "You look like shit." Gojo laughed, earning a low grunt from the man who was already opening some of the snacks given to him. "Hey I'm gonna be going out tomorrow with Itadori if you would like to join us. It's my treat, so at least consider it!" He laughed, giving his friend a thumbs up. 
Nanami just hummed, already deciding in his head that he wouldn't be going. Gojo just smiled as he went to leave while giving a lazy wave. "Get some sleep, will you?! Y/n wouldn't be too happy with you right now!" Nanami frowned at the mention of your name being used to guilt him into sleep. He finished eating some snacks and placed the rest aside for his dinner tonight. He rubs his eyes, leaning back in his chair, as he loosens the tie around his neck. He glances down at his desk, staring at the small photo of you happily smiling while wearing that sundress he always loved seeing on you. He smiles slightly at the memory before shaking his head. 
He sits in his chair, preparing to focus only on his work. 'Energy pills,' he thinks to himself, having remembered keeping some stored in his bottom drawer from when he used to work all the time before he had met you. Nanami reaches into his drawer only to discover a small sleeping kit neatly placed on everything else. Nanami looks at it, surprised, before noticing a small note slip out from behind. He carefully picks the letter up while inspecting the sleeping kit. "Did Gojo slip this in here?" He mumbled to himself, unimpressed with his childish friend. He sighs as he opens the note, only for his eyes to widen at the familiar handwriting. 
My Darling Kento, 
Are you surprised? I knew you would be! I had Kiyotaka slip this into your desk to prepare for the future. I'm sure by now I have left this world along with you, my darling, who cherished me like no one else could have if my life had more years. I'm sorry to have caused you such stress, and I know you would scold me for apologizing. I do not regret anything from what we shared. You filled my life with joy, making this illness seem like some crazy thing I made up! I know you are probably working so hard right now, and I want to remind you to take care of yourself, Kento. Even though I am no longer by your side, it would hurt me to know I have caused you so much pain. Please find more happy memories, my darling Kento. I love you so much. Sleep well~ 
Kento gripped the corner of the letter, feeling it crinkle under his fingers. His giant tears dripped down his face, some landing on your handwriting, causing small smudges. Nanami quickly tries to rid his tears while gritting his teeth before letting out a loud yell as he sweeps everything off his desk, gripping his head as he cries, looking down at the photo of you. 
"That's not fair Y/n…you should be making more memories with me."
__________
Let me know if you would like a part 2 for this with other jjk characters!
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yoyomomiko · 3 days ago
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TYSM 4 THE HEADCANONS U DID I LOVE THAT MAN SM I WAMT TO TAKE HIM AND PUT HIM IN MY POCKET OR BAG LIKE RAMONA FLOWERS HAD SCOTT IN HER BAG AND TALE HIM EVERYWHERE WOTH ME I WJBABWHWHAHABWHAHAHWH.
i love him.im SO normal abt him.
also ik that halloween is over...but... halloween headcanons with him?🤨🤭
-👻 anon(thats how ill go from now on ig-)
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Pairings: Daisuke x F!reader (gender isn't implied but like that's what I had in mind while writing this)
HC: costumes, pumpkin carving and scary stories!!
Warnings: a little bit cringe, super short mb gang, a bit rushed. not proofread, probably contains grammar mistakes, english isn't my first language!!
(A/N): YOU'RE SO REAL FOR THAT, and anywaysss, ask and you shall receive😋 btw I don't celebrate Halloween so like... I hope it's accurate😢 Also I'm so sorry that this is short but like yeah😔 -> m.list
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★COSTUMES
Even with limited resources aboard the Tuplar, Daisuke WILL find a way to make Halloween happen.
He's gonna have to get creative along with you because he loves you and wants to include you🔥
He's probably only gonna be able to craft a makeshift vampire cape from an old maintenance tarp or something
And you'll probably make a witch hat from scrap fabric, or pretty much whatever you want to be. The witch costume was his suggestion btw he told me that himself
Daisuke's gonna promise you that when you two are back on land he's gonna make Halloween super special for you, and actually buy or make better costumes!!
IF you're on land, prepare to have the best (just feed into his delusions atp) couple costumes ever
He'd probably suggest something simple like Mario and Princess Peach
But if he's feeling silly he's gonna want to be ketchup for Halloween and you will not be able to turn him away from that idea no matter what. You will have to be mustard.
★PUMPKIN CARVING
He's gonna be so sad that he won't be able to carve a pumpkin on the ship😢
He's probably gonna make it out of paper and you two will cut out a face!!
Truth be told he's a bit disappointed that he won't be able to carve a REAL pumpkin, but he's together with you and that's all that matters.
Again, promises you that he's gonna carve as many pumpkins as you want the moment you're back on land.
IF you're on land, Daisuke will genuinely be so excited and silly about carving the pumpkins
Why did I say pumpkins instead of pumpkin? Because he's carving more than one.
He probably saw those dumb pumpkin faces on the internet and he WILL take part of the trend and make their faces look so silly
And you're gonna laugh😤
★SCARY STORIES
UGH he loves these so much
He prefers to be the one who's telling the stories ngl
And he like, acts out exaggerated parts to make you giggle
Daisuke WILL randomly flinch while telling a scary story and you'll mist probably jump.
The stories told by him are either super funny or the most horrifying and gruesome thing you've ever heard other than the name Jimmy
And he'll say that WITH A SMIRK ON HIS FACE LIKE DAMN
If you're still a bit scared after he finishes the story, GET READY. He's gonna wait for you to be alone and jump at you randomly or just straight up make you scream
Another thing he loves is at night when you two are under the blankets and he just randomly starts whispering a "horror" story
This ALWAYS ends up in you two sleeping together and cuddled up close with blankets over you so you can barely breathe.
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★yoyomiko ★miko
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python333 · 1 year ago
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HAI! i rlly like your platonic 141 fics and I'm wondering if we could get some more dad price and/or brother gaz sleepy cuddles? :3
stretched too thin — python333
— — — —
synopsis gaz notices you overworking yourself one night and decides to step in before you end up pulling an all-nighter.
relationships platonic!gaz & gn!reader.
characters gaz.
word count 2.05k
warnings 2nd person pov [you/yours/yourself], usage of pet names [love, darling], usage of c/n [code name/call sign].
note oh my god im so sorry i disappeared for like. a month. ill try my best to not be gone for more than a week at a time, but with all of my schoolwork and just over all stress ive been experiencing lately, i dont know if ill be able to get fics out every week :< ill try my best though! please accept this fic as an apology—its another big bro gaz one!! special shoutout to everyone else who has an older sibling thats very distant with them, you and me are in the same boat fr!! also, last thing—im thinking about making a discord server where i announce when fics are being written and published and stuff, but i dunno if yall would join or anything, so if u would pls lmk!!
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You haven’t left your office in five hours. 
Recently—just about two days ago—you finished up an assignment fairly quickly and, as a result, had to write a detailed report of said assignment. It went over the mission you’d gone on, and listed off every major detail you could think of, though because you just can’t give yourself a break you were constantly thinking of other details you might’ve missed even though there was little chance you’d missed anything.
The mission wasn’t anything too important, honestly. It was originally going to be a week-long camp-out reconnaissance by an enemy task force’s base, obtaining information on their schedule and what they did throughout the day and whatnot. However, only a day into the mission, the small squad of soldiers that had accompanied you saw another small military group observing the same group you’d been observing.
So, naturally, you observed them as well. Aren’t you just the best multi-tasker?
The task force eventually found out about the other group, just a day later, while your squad was still in the clear to continue your observations. So, your mission had quickly come to a close—but, because of the circumstances under which the mission had come to a close, you were required to write an extremely detailed report on the other group and the group you’d been observing.
It would be an understatement to say you were tired. You’re exhausted.
Between the non-stop writing, the coffee sitting on your desk that’s been microwaved five times and has been refilled thrice, and the uncomfortable chair you’ve sat in that you have yet to replace, you’re extremely exhausted. Your movements are sluggish, your fingers aren’t as swift on the keyboard of your computer as they usually are, and worst of all—you still have more to write. 
Your eyes stung and felt dry, your hands felt like they were going to stop working completely at any moment, and you were overall just exhausted. 
You look over at the clock on your desk, and it reads 02:28 AM, indicating that you would only have about four hours to sleep if you went to bed now. I’m too far into this report to stop now, You tell yourself, sighing as you blink slowly at your computer screen, If only my vision didn’t keep getting blurry… 
Suddenly, you hear a knock at the door. Your eyebrows furrow together in confusion, and for a second you think you’re hallucinating until the knock sounds once more. 
Reluctantly, with a voice raspy from not using it almost all day, you call out, “Come in!” 
Your voice is softer and quieter than you’d like it to be, but it doesn’t matter too much to you at this moment—at least, not in your foggy mind that still begs you for sleep, even when you have far more of your report to finish. 
The door opens with a creak, and in walks Gaz. 
“Sarg,” He greets you, not bothering to close the door behind him as he walks up to your desk, “Pleasure to see you for the first time in, what… three days?” 
“Two days and eighteen hours,” You correct him, taking a moment to crack your stiff knuckles, not taking your eyes off of your monitor, “And you know you don’t have to call me ‘sarg’ or ‘sergeant’ or anything. We’re the same rank.” 
Gaz promptly ignores you, “Right, well, anything over a day is way too long for me to go without seeing you. Why’re you all cooped up in here on your computer?”
“‘Cause I need to write a report on my assignment,” You briefly explain, before lightly goading Gaz, “Not all of us need a shit ton of attention every day like you do.” 
“Ehh,” Gaz theatrically makes a thinking face, before shrugging, “Not sure what you mean by ‘us’, but alright.” 
“By ‘us’, I mean everyone but you.” 
“Surely that doesn’t include you, right?” 
“It does.” 
Gaz gasps quietly at your reply, before dramatically responding, “Oh, you can’t be serious.”
“I absolutely can,” You hum, finally taking your eyes off of your computer screen to look up at Gaz, “Is it so hard for you to believe that I don’t need to talk to you every waking hour?” 
“It is, actually,” Gaz scoffs, “Because I know that you do need to talk to me every waking hour.” 
“Uh, no I don’t,” You childishly argue, raising an eyebrow at Gaz.
“Uh, yes you do,” Gaz immaturely argues back, crossing his arms, “Look me in the eyes and tell me that the past two days and eighteen hours haven’t been shit because I haven’t given you any attention.”
You open your mouth to form a response but quickly close it, realizing that yeah, actually, I kind of do crave his attention. 
Fuck.
“You’re not the only person that gives me attention,” You point out, hoping to find some way to change the subject.
“Sure, but you like the attention I give you the most,” Gaz hums, leaning forward to rest his crossed arms on your desk opposite of where you sit.
“You don’t know that.”
“Then tell me that I’m wrong,” Gaz challenges you.
You narrow your eyes at him, glaring at him for a moment before sighing, “You suck.”
“Maybe I suck, but you look like you haven’t slept for the past week,” Gaz points out, “You look exhausted, by the way. And dehydrated. Actually, you just look like the human embodiment of a headache.” 
“What the fuck?” 
“I mean that in the most loving, non-offensive way possible.”
“You come into my office, accuse me of needing attention from you, then you insult me by calling me the human version of a headache?”
“It wasn’t an insult!” Gaz raises his hands in surrender, before sighing, “I’m being serious. You look dead, [c/n]. You need sleep.” 
“What I need is to finish this report,” You huff out, beginning to turn your attention back to your computer, before Gaz’s hand is quickly placed on your chin and forces you to look back at him. 
“No, what you need is some rest,” Gaz argues, more serious this time, taking his hand off of your chin—something you shouldn’t miss nearly as much as you do, the warmth of his hand fading far too quickly from your face—and bringing it back to rest on the desk. 
“Maybe you need rest, Gaz.”
“Sure I do,” He shrugs, “But I’m only going to sleep if you do.” 
You raise an eyebrow at him, “Really? You’re pulling that card?”
“I am.” 
You stare at him for a moment, mentally weighing your options, before sighing and bringing your elbows up to the table so that you can place your forehead in your hands.
On one hand, if you stay in your office you can finish up your report before four and then go to sleep, and hope that you magically feel active even with just an hour or two of sleep in the morning. On the other hand, if you go to sleep now, so does Gaz, and then you both get more than just two hours of sleep. 
After another moment of consideration, you huff out a frustrated breath and mutter, “Fine.” 
Gaz smiles down at you and walks around your desk to your side of it, holding out a hand for you to grab to help yourself up from your chair and using his free hand to save your report and power off your monitor. 
You take his hand and stand up, your legs a little weak and balance iffy from sitting down for so long, but within the next few minutes you’re sure you’ll be able to properly walk. You let go of his hand once you’re positive you won’t fall over, and once he sees that you’re able to walk, Gaz silently walks towards the door of your office. Just as quietly, you follow him. 
He turns off the lights for you and lets you walk out of the office first, locking the door from the inside and closing it once you’re out. Once he’s done, he takes the lead again and you follow him down to his sleeping quarters. It’s not too long of a walk there, only two minutes at most.
Once you’re there, Gaz opens the door and lets you walk in first. Once you’re inside and Gaz has closed the door, you shrug off your camouflage patterned jacket and toe off your already loosened tan boots, leaving you in just your camouflage cargo pants and army green undershirt.
You look down at your pants with a frown, knowing from experience that sleeping in them was incredibly uncomfortable and left you regretting your whole existence the morning after, but before you could even look over at Gaz to tell him of your situation, you felt something being thrown at you. 
You immediately turn your attention to the item that had been hurled at you—the item in question being a pair of gray sweatpants, some that would probably be a little bit looser than you’d prefer on your figure—and then look over at Gaz with a questioning look. 
“Figured you wouldn’t wanna sleep in that,” Gaz shrugs, nodding to your cargo pants in response to your nonverbal confusion. 
You hum in appreciation, not wanting to talk too much at the moment, instead waiting for Gaz to look away before slipping off your pants and replacing them with the sweatpants Gaz had thrown at you. The fit isn’t as uncomfortable as you thought they’d be—they’re loose and hang low on your hips, just like you thought they would, of course, but they don’t feel nearly as weird as you thought they would.
Once you’ve tightened the strings on the waist of the pants, you get into Gaz’s bed, pulling the covers up and over yourself. Gaz quickly settles into the bed next to you, quickly getting himself comfortable under the sheets, and pulling the covers up and over his shoulders in one swift movement.
He gets closer to you, so close that his chest presses against your back and you can feel the tip of his nose ghosting over the top of your head. He wraps one arm over your body to pull you impossibly closer to him, and his other arm snakes underneath the side of your body so that both of his arms are wrapped around you.
He hums contently and his thumb rubs small circles into your clothed stomach, the action—despite being small—causing your stomach to warm up almost immediately. 
“Comfortable, darling?” Gaz asks quietly, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head. 
“Very,” You mumble back, trying to subtly lean your head back against Gaz in hopes of getting at least one more kiss. Noticing your efforts, he huffs out a small laugh and presses another gentle kiss right at the edge of your hairline before pressing one last one to your forehead. 
Even with the comforting atmosphere, you can’t find it within yourself to fully relax, your body still tense and stiff underneath the blanket. Gaz, just like he did with your “subtle” movements, notices and frowns. 
“Just sleep,” Gaz tiredly mumbles into the top of your head, “You have to get up in three hours. The sooner you sleep, the more sleep you get.” 
You don’t respond, instead simply sighing and forcing your eyes closed. You do have to admit, it’s nice being able to actually close your eyes for something other than blinking, and closing your eyes for longer than half a second has made you realize that they were even drier than you thought they were. 
Exhausted and ready to finally sleep, you eventually get to a point where you no longer need to force your eyes shut, and as a result, your whole body relaxes for the first time in almost six hours. 
“G’night, love,” Gaz murmurs, feeling your body relax next to his. You hum in acknowledgment of his words, not finding the energy within yourself to properly respond, instead finding yourself drifting off into a deep sleep. 
And if four hours later, Gaz wakes up and simply lies there, not waking you and instead letting you get some more sleep despite you having to be up soon, nobody has to know.
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sp1d3r-w3bbzz · 30 days ago
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NSFW ALPHABET:
♡CHOSO♡
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note: not really experienced in writing fanfics/smut so ill try my best <3
•switch!choso x switch!reader(f)
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A = Aftercare (What they're like after sex)
firstly he would make sure your okay almost immediately after yall are done, after makes sure your okay he would wipe you down and get things like water,snacks,and anything else to make you more comfortable.once he has that he will join you back in bed,reassuring and praising you while giving you light kisses before getting up to run y’all a bath
B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partners)
He doesn’t really have a “favorite” body part of his but if he had to pick, it’d be his hands, he likes knowing that he can pleasure you with them and he enjoys having that power. however, his favorite body part on his partner are your boobs,whether they are big or small he doesn’t care, he enjoys looking at and touching them
C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically)
he wouldn’t cum inside,mainly because he doesn’t know whether you’d be okay with it or not. Instead he usually pulls out and finishes on your stomach/back depending on y’alls position
D = Dirty Secret
chose secretly really wants to have sex with you while your on your period,the thought of seeing your blood on his cock while he fucks you turns him on pretty often,but he’s always too shy to ask to do it
E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they're doing?)
you were his first time doing anything intimate with therefore he had no experience before meeting you. despite that he learned pretty quickly where all the spots that drove you crazy were at
F = Favourite Position
he absolutely loves missionary.he loves being able to stare into your eyes and easily kiss your neck while he fucks you
G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous?)
take sex pretty seriously, he believes it's really intimate and vulnerable and just something to be taken seriously. But he doesn't take it TOO seriously. If something a little embarrassing happens it won't ruin the mood or anything. He'll definitely get embarrassed,but can awkwardly laugh it off and keep going
H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes,etc.)
he has a little hair down there,not alot though he believes that since you go down there quite often he should keep it well shaved for you
I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect...)
he likes to treat you perfectly, to be slow,gentle and romantic with you. He wants to make you feel special and not just like a fuck toy he wants to make sure you know you are important
J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)
He doesn’t really find it as pleasurable and doesn’t really have a reason to masturbate because most times when he is horny you’re willing to help him, but whenever there is a time when you cant because your far away or just simply don’t feel like it,then he will resort to masturbation,doing it to pictures of you or videos y’all make when y’all do it
K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)
high-key has a mommy kink.LOVES calling you mommy,especially when your being dominant
L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)
mainly only in the bedroom or anywhere in y’alls house,doesn’t really like public sex,he feels like something as intimate as sex should be done privately
M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)
literally anything you do can turn him on,he thinks anything you do is sexy,you could be doing something as simple as cooking and that could turn him on. He thinks that you make anything your doing look majestic
N = NO (Something they wouldn't do, turn offs)
he wouldn’t do anything that could cause harm to you or scare you that being said he wouldn’t be willing to choke you,try knifeplay,or wax play
0 = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)
he prefers to eat you out rather than you sucking him off. Yes,he does enjoy when you suck him but nothing compares to to pleasure he gets just by spreading your legs and pleasuring you with his mouth
P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)
he’s slow and takes his time with you for the most part but when he gets close then he will speed up and get a little rougher
Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)
choso doesnt really enjoy quickies that much he prefers to have proper sex,he feels like quickies are less meaningful. He prefers to take his time during yalls intimate moments.
R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)
Choso is down to experiment and try new things with you aslong as your very sure you want to and as long as they wont harm you
S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last...)
i feel like he has pretty average stamina. he can go for about 2-5 rounds.but he finishes pretty quickly
T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)
he does have toys and enjoys using them on both himself and you. He’s definitely not opposed to you using them on him in-fact he quite enjoys it. Y’all have a wide variety of toys ranging from vibrators,dildos,and buttplugs to ropes,gags,and collars
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
will tease you quite a bit until he gets really needy and just needs to be inside you already
V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)
VERY sensitive, will make the most slutty whimpers and moans you have ever heard, but they will always sound so angelic because its choso <3
W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)
He likes being dominated by you,he likes see the dominant part of you and doesn’t mind when you take control
X = X-Ray (Let's see what's going on in those pants)
6 inches soft, 7.5 hard
base-#ECCEB7
tip-gradient (from #DD9F9C To #D8847F)
cut
slightly curved upwards
sweet-ish
girthy
Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)
above average maybe?? Again,he gets turned on pretty easily just by watching you do practically anything,that being said yall have sex at least 2-3 times a week
Z = ZZZ (... how quickly they fall asleep afterwards?)
he usually waits until your comfortable and you fall asleep first then he goes to sleep but if it was particularly tiresome then y’all do aftercare then he falls asleep most times before you
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pretty sure you can clearly tell which parts i got lazy on..😖
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zan0tix · 10 months ago
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Pleaseeee tell me more about that homescryption au
A little something between you and me and everyone else who happens to look at this post. Im working on a lineup for the four scrybes :D
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Roxys design is subject to change and you guys have already seen D1rk. Jane and Jake are in progress!!! (Also D1rk and Harley are the names for dirk and jake but weve been struggling to come up with appropriately fantasical/magical names for Jane and Roxy that align with magnificus and grimora😞 Harley feels old-manish enough that it fits in well… im sure well get there but if anybody has ideas feel free to comment ✌️)
But yes i can tell you more!!! ILL PUT IT ALL UNDER THE CUT THIS POST IS GOING TO BE LONG o7
Working with cyrus repliiku to flesh it out x3 he was the one who got me into the game and im CRAZY NOW!!!!
The four alpha scrybes methods of inscribing cards are that Harley uses his magic blunderbuss and the things he shoots become cards, Roxys cards are the fantasical characters she creates in her stories, Jane will be a detective of death, uncovering how cards die and writing up a casefile in her detective agency about them (might give her a magic magnifying glass. Well see), and D1rk were trying to figure out something with Sburbs captcha card + ghost captcha system like how Po3’s cards are printed from real robots
The students/the scrybes underlings are going to be other homestuck characters or splinters!
D1rks will be the robots (aradiabot, arquius (wanted him to me more unique than just brobot + hal so he gets to be a robot) and jadebot.
Harleys will be jake-ish splinters rather than new characters. Thered be the Adventurer (prospector), the Hunter (trapper/trader), the Sailor (angler), the Ectobiologist (mycologists), and the Actor (woodcarver) and his campaigns would be more Action packed like jakes action movies type stuff hehe
Janes will be the dead trolls, nepeta, equius and feferi. Not much to say besides them being dead lol 😭
And roxys were still figuring out but nerm. Viceroy/Casey, Rose (maybe goobert but they are actually nice and kind to her) and Eridan….(lonely wizard he was banished to the shadow realm for being annoying 😁👍)
Luke Carter is going to be Calliope and Satan in the greater scheme of the daniel mullins-verse will be Caliborn/Lord English because i think itd be very funny for him to just. Be making video games and thats his evil plot. LOL and Sado would be Gamzee. (Will not expand to pony island or the hex this is just clearing up the ending of inscryption)
Kaycee would probably be Aranea but like just some normal girl. Not all that sure abt the OLD_DATA tho ??? Maybe just all the wrong doings Lord English has committed and influenced culminated into the files or the code that brought him into the universe I DUNNO.
Retconning the drawing i did when i first scribbled this AU, i believe when harley turns the other scrybes into preexisting cards d1rk would become a seagull (kingfisher replacement) roxy would become a jaguar (wolf replacement) and jane would become a jackalope (pronghorn replacement) 😁
And the way harley would be defeated would be using his blunderbuss on him with a special bullet instead of film. Po3’s decapitation fulfilled the Dirk prophecy too LOL
I think that of the gameplay/card gimmicks themselves would work basically the same but i might try and come up with more creative homestucky twists on them
Im planning on finishing the designs and making sprites and more mockup screenshots :3
I might write up or draw a comprehensive ref sheet for this au someday but for now heres what weve jotted down 👍
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eatmeandbirthmeagain · 4 months ago
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Hi, how are you ? Can I request a one-shot with king baldwin iv ? Where baldwin's s/o is heavily pregnant (6-8) and they retired to a country side cottage till the birth. Baldwin cooks for her,takes her on picnics,takes her to a lake which is located near their cottage to watch swans with her,read to her. Basically showering her with all the love & affection . He is healed too. So this is kind of a rest to him too. NO GUY. Sybilla's husband doesnt die so he looks after the kingdom while the couple rest. Tiberias being the proud uncle too.
So, I was reading about Michael Langdon x pregnant reader fic and this idea came to my head since Young Michael Langdon is how I imagined baldwin without the disease . Your fics are great specially ones where baldwin get more domestic . Love you and sending u lots of hugs <3 !!!
P.S. - Sorry if this is too long 🥲
♡ Just The Two Of Us - King Baldwin x Reader ♡
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♡ Fluff ♡
A/N: Hello Anon! Thank you so much for this gorgeous request. This is so beautiful and was so cute to write. Also thank you for the kind words, sending lots of love🩷. As always, this is based on the film Kingdom Of Heaven, not the real historical figures. Enjoy!
TW: Mentions of Cured Leprosy
It had been exactly seven months since the king and queen of Jerusalem abdicated the throne for a more peaceful life in the countryside of France.
The decision was made one year after Baldwin’s leprosy had been cured by a new kind of medicine and one month after it was announced that y/n was pregnant with their first born.
The long trip to France was well worth the wait after a small cottage in the countryside had been secured for the two to live in. Everything had been perfect.
Sybilla and her husband had taken over the royal duties, the kingdom was doing well, and the two could not be happier where they were.
-----------------------
One late spring afternoon, y/n had just finished with her bath and entered the kitchen to see Baldwin packing up a large basket.
He grinned when he saw her. His smile was a little crooked due to the leprosy scars but was just about the cutest thing she had ever seen.
Baldwin was quick to wrap his wife in a warm embrace, burying his face in her soft, freshly washed hair. Y/n chuckled at his affection.
Before his leprosy had been cured, Baldwin had been nervous about showing his wife affection due to fear of transmitting the disease to her. But since the awful illness had released him from its grasp, he simply could not get enough of her touch.
“What's the basket for darling?” y/n asked when he finally let her go.
“Well, that's a surprise!” he said cheerfully.
“Why don't you put on your shoes and I'll show you” he said, barely able to contain his excitement.
Once they were ready to leave, Baldwin picked up the basket and held out an arm for his wife to hold. After walking for a little while, the two came to a large pond that y/n had not seen before.
It was a beautiful place. Wildflowers of all different colors grew out of the bright green grass, the water of the pond was so clear you could see fish swimming through it, and the only insects in sight were butterflies that fluttered around the flowers close to the ground. There were even swans that glided peacefully around the lake.
In amongst the flowers lay a large blanket. Y/n smiled warmly at the beautiful sight.
“I planned a picnic! I thought it would be nice to do for just the two of us, since it won't be only us in a while” Baldwin said happily, placing a hand on his wifes heavily pregnant stomach.
“Baldwin, this is so beautiful. Thank you so much my sweet husband” Y/n said, her heart practically swelling in her chest.
"Not as beautiful as you" he replied, taking his wife's hand to help her sit down.
--------------------
That afternoon, they enjoyed the warmth of spring together in the grass. For one of the first times in Baldwin’s life, he felt at home. Like this was exactly where he was supposed to be. All of the hardship and pain he had endured was worth it for this moment.
They spoke of many things as they ate their lunch. Including how this life suited Baldwin much better than the role of a king. This was what he wanted.
Just being here with his wonderful wife and their growing child was all he could ever want.
He finally had a family of his own, a family who he could love with all his heart. And it was all thanks to his beautiful y/n.
She was his strength, his everything. She was all he could ever ask for and now she was growing life inside of her body. Life that they created together.
Could anything possibly be more beautiful than that?
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juyeonszn · 1 year ago
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SACRIFICE (EAT ME UP)
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PAIRING lee hyunjae x f!reader
WORD COUNT 9.17k
GENRES horror ﹒ smut ﹒ angst ﹒ fluff ig?
WARNINGS 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, mature language, mentions of murder, descriptions of crime scenes, mentions of blood, mentions of knifes, graphic description of stab wounds, mentions of potential mental illness, THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS THAT CONSTITUTE WARNINGS BUT ?!1?1 I DONT WANT TO SPOIL !1!2!2, Lots of Kissing, mutual masturbation (f! receiving fingering & m! receiving hand job), pillow talk ig, big dick hyunjae 😈, um unprotected sex lol be safe u silly geese, car sex, cowgirl position yeehaw, creampie, this entire fic is just a whole fucking roller coaster i stg it’s gonna haunt me forever
SUMMARY with a serial killer running rampant on campus, everyone around you seems to be dropping like flies. but, hey, at least you have hyunjae to protect you.
MORE omg.. my first written work for tbz 🙀 extra super fun fact; this was originally an idea i had for hyunjin from skz on my other blog that i actually started writing the week before halloween last year (the reason it’s a horror fic), but i never finished and sort of felt like there was no point in continuing it after a while— that is until i stumbled upon the draft a few weeks ago and decided to revamp, edit, and complete it 😋 i kept going back and rereading and then blanking when i wanted to add to it until last night when i said fuck it and drank two cups of coffee to power through the end 🙌 anyways.. here u all go, my baby that i never thought would see the light of day and my first time writing a genuine horror piece <3 also special shoutout to rina my soulmate @tsukidou for beta reading 🫶
PLAYLIST sacrifice (eat me up) — enhypen, awake — the boyz, roar — the boyz, fever — enhypen, fate — enhypen, taste — stray kids, wake up — ateez, white noise — pvris, heaven — pvris
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“Alright, that’s all for today’s lecture. If this was your last of the day, make sure to find someone to go home with and remember the curfew rules!” Your English professor says, concluding the class.
The students around you rush to pack up their things and get off of campus as soon as possible. You don’t seem to be in a hurry, though, taking your time to put away your notebook and laptop. Your roommates were still in their music production class, so you didn’t want to go home alone, deciding to wait until they were done.
“Y/N, don’t you wanna get home?” Professor Park asks, her voice echoing in the now empty lecture hall. She throws the strap of her bag over her shoulder and pushes her glasses up the bridge of her nose.
“I do, but I have to wait for my roommates. They’re in a class right now and I’d rather not go by myself.” You let out an awkward laugh. She nods at your reasoning, giving you a small smile for comfort.
“Okay, you be careful! I’ll see you on Thursday.”
You raise your hand in a silent salutation, watching as she exits the room, leaving you completely alone. Though a public space, in a public building, the fact that there’s no one else nearby leaves you utterly unsettled. Your stomach churns with a twinge of fear and you start to feel a bit claustrophobic despite being in such a spacious area, so you choose this point to hurriedly collect your belongings and get the hell out of there.
The past couple of months have been in this weird state of limbo. You don’t recall exactly when the killings started, but once the police noticed a pattern, everyone knew sooner or later that the presence of a serial murderer would be announced on the local news. Your town enforced a citywide curfew to protect its citizens, but mostly the students at your university.
Every single one of the killer’s victims were university students. You were friends with a bunch of guys and while it was nice having big strong men surrounding you, you knew that could hardly do anything to quell the lingering anxiety you’ve felt ever since the spree began.
The police seemed to be having trouble coming up with any possible suspects, or even gaining any leads, thanks to the killer’s unusual victimology and the cool down time between murders always varying. If the people in charge of protecting you couldn’t do that, how were you supposed to feel safe?
In an attempt to get to the building where Jacob, Kevin, and Eric were as fast as you could, you speed walk out of the lecture hall, accidentally bumping into someone. You bow at a nearly ninety-degree angle and hurl out apology after apology following the collision, not trying to make any enemies in this day and time.
“Watch where you’re going, idiot.” The stranger spits, waiting for you to glance up at him to give you a nasty glare. He looks like the kind of guy who thought he was all that, despite peaking in high school. You feel your bottom lip quiver and you avoid eye contact.
“I—”
“Woah, dude, chill the fuck out. It was an accident, I’m sure she didn’t— wait, N/N, is that you? Hey it’s okay, don’t worry about it.”
There’s a familiar voice in your ears and a hand under your chin, forcing you to stand upright. Whoever you bumped into walks away with a scoff. You meet eyes with Lee Hyunjae, one of your dearest friends. He recognizes that hint of panic in your features and he frowns.
“I’m so sorry, Jae, I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going—” Your breath is caught in your throat and you fumble over your words.
“Hey, hey, slow down,” he keeps a hold on your biceps. “It’s alright, I promise. He’s gone. What’s wrong?”
You shut your eyes tightly, feeling pathetic for causing such a scene for no apparent reason. Hyunjae guides you through your breathing, his focus trained on you the whole time. He always made you feel so comfortable.
“With everything that’s been going on, I’m just so paranoid and afraid of being alone. I wanted to go to the music department building and wait for the boys.” You finally explain once you’ve calmed down and the rise of your chest is even.
“How about this? I’ll take you home so you don’t have to stay on campus any longer.” He suggests, bringing up a hand to tuck some hair behind your ear. You nod slowly, gathering your bearings.
Hyunjae leads you to his car that’s parked in the lot closest to the building you were just in and the two of you make your way to your apartment. You’d been friends with your roommates for years now, meeting in eighth grade. You had just moved schools and happened to be put into a class with Eric Sohn, the most rambunctious boy you’d ever met. He thought you seemed really sweet upon first impression and decided to befriend you, introducing you to all of his friends in turn.
Aside from Eric, there was Sangyeon, Jacob, Younghoon, Hyunjae, Juyeon, Kevin, Changmin, Chanhee, Haknyeon, and Sunwoo. While it was a little overwhelming, it was nice going from zero friends to eleven in the span of just a couple days. You were pretty close to all of them, but you and Hyunjae initially hit it off the best. You understood each other on a different level than everyone else and to this day, you still don't know the exact reason why.
Towards the end of high school, your friendship with Hyunjae transformed into something that wasn’t purely platonic. You weren’t entirely sure when it started to change, but your feelings for him grew exponentially. You tried to keep them to yourself, hidden from the world to preserve your fragile teenage heart. Though you’d already been friends with them a few years at that point, you still had that inkling of dread in the pit of your stomach that one day they’d choose to stop talking to you. You especially didn’t want a silly crush to be the cause of that.
After a while, however, the lines began to blur together anyway and everyone could tell you felt for him romantically. Once, Eric had made a comment about it being so painfully obvious that Hyunjae was just as into you and it nearly shook your whole world.
When college time rolled around, you all knew you’d be attending the same university, so picking roommates was a bit of a tricky situation. You chose yours solely based on the fact that you were majoring in similar things, so it’d be easy to fit schedules together. (You also couldn’t handle being roommates with Hyunjae; it’d be too much for your heart.) Hyunjae lived with Juyeon, Changmin, and Sunwoo, while Sangyeon, Younghoon, Chanhee, and Haknyeon lived together.
Hyunjae parks in a spot near the stairs that lead to your unit. The car is still running when you unbuckle your seatbelt and you stare at the steps blankly. Though the close proximity with him has your pulse racing, you want nothing more than some company until your roommates get home. You turn to him shyly, balling up a fistful of your sweater.
“Jae, do you— do you think you could stay with me for a bit before the boys come back? I don’t— I really don’t wanna be alone right now.”
The look he gives you is full of adoration, like you personally put the stars in the sky. He smiles softly and nods, reaching across the center console to place a comforting hand on top of yours. The two of you keep them intertwined as you go inside your apartment, locking all the locks carefully before sitting on your couch.
You don’t make a comment about him not letting go despite already being in the safety of your home. You don’t say anything about him pulling you into his side either, mostly because you want him to.
With all that’s been happening recently, you’ve felt so hollow. There was this indescribable emptiness expanding in you and even though you so desperately wanted to chalk it up to something else, you knew it was due to the fact that there was growing anxiety that you could be next, that any of your friends could be next. You were starting to move like you were in a simulation, doing everything in your daily routine without a single emotion. Sure, you’d laugh when Eric made a stupid joke but that’s about the most anyone could get from you aside from the occasional panic attack.
Hyunjae being here and holding you is exactly what you needed to feel some semblance of warmth again.
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There’s a soft knock on your bedroom door around eight that same night, waking you from your slumber. You don’t remember falling asleep or being moved to your bed, so you’re not too sure when Hyunjae left. You rub the sleep from your eyes as you get up to open your door.
“Hey, I didn’t mean to wake you, but we got some takeout if you’re hungry.” Jacob says with an apologetic smile, leaning on the door frame.
You give him a bleary look as you nod, following him into the dining room where your other two roommates were sitting at the table. Eric greets you through a full mouth. A small laugh escapes you when you sit across from him, Kevin adjacent to your seat. The sound of the TV in the living room plays as background noise as the four of you eat.
“So when’d you get home? I thought you were gonna wait for us.” Kevin asks.
“I was, but then I ran into Hyunjae when I was on my way to your building and he offered to bring me home,” you shrug, taking some tteokbokki with your chopsticks. “It was a whole thing, please don’t ask.”
Eric hums to himself, a mischievous grin on his face as he takes a sip of his cola. “Interesting. And you say he’s not into you…”
Heat blooms over your cheeks and you accidentally drop your chopsticks on your plate, their clacking against the ceramic garnering your roommates’ attention. Eric Sohn was now number one on your hit list. Kevin elbows him in the side and tells him to be quiet, despite the tiny upwards curve of his lips.
“If he cares about you as much as he seems like he does, he wouldn’t have left you here alone after you fell asleep,” Jacob mutters, looking at you from his peripherals. “What was the point of escorting you home if—”
“Jacob shut the fuck up,” Eric suddenly blurts, the three of you stare at him as he clambers over to the living room, turning up the volume on the TV. “Look!”
You turn in your chair, your stomach churning at the news report unfolding before you.
“We’re live just outside SNU, where another victim has been found. The body hasn’t been identified yet, but from what we do know, he was a student that attended the school,” the female reporter says into the microphone she’s holding, a glazed over expression in her eyes. “Crime Scene Investigators believe he was murdered at around six this evening, and was assumed to have been making his way home from campus. Updates are expected to come later tonight once we have more information.”
You know that far away, checked out gaze she had all too well. She’s reported on the killings for a while now, no doubt numb to the way things were at this point.
Your appetite spoils immediately and you excuse yourself from the table, making your way back to your room. You sit on your bed and bring your knees to your chest, taking a deep breath in, then covering your mouth when you breathe out to muffle the sob that follows. It was becoming too overwhelming for you and there was nothing you could do about it besides sit back and watch.
It was understandable for anyone in your situation to feel hopeless, how could they not? With someone terrorizing the city in an unpredictable manner, there was no sense of normalcy in anyone’s life. You shudder when you finally bring yourself to stop crying, digging your nails into the fat of your calves.
Through the walls, you can hear the boys talking, voices solemn.
“Why’d you have to put the TV louder, dumbass?”
“Sorry, I just like being up to date on the case, you know? I want to be prepared. What if I need to learn clone jutsu to take out the guy?”
“Eric, you’re such a clown, oh my god.”
“I get that you’re interested and all, but you have to be mindful of Y/N. You know how much this has affected her both emotionally and physically, she doesn’t need the constant reminder that it’s happening. And I’d appreciate if you apologized for telling me to ‘shut the fuck up’.”
There’s a snort in between.
“My bad, I didn’t mean to be rude about it. But while we’re on the topic, I think we both need to admit our mistakes. What you said about Hyunjae to her wasn’t cool either. I know we’re all friends, but it just came across too—”
“It was really snappy, Jacob. And a bit petty.”
“Yeah! What Kevin said.”
“I— you’re right. I just don’t want her getting hurt, in more ways than one.”
You don’t hear much else from the trio and sigh heavily, dragging your hands down your face and wiping your eyes with the heels of your palms. You grab your phone from your nightstand and hesitantly search for Hyunjae’s contact, the line ringing a couple times before he answers.
“Y/N? Is everything okay? Did something happen?”
“N-no, I’m fine. I was just— I wanted to check on you and make sure you were okay,” you mess with your bottom lip. “I heard there was another victim and I didn’t know when you left the apartment, so I just— uh— I just needed to know that you were safe. I called to see if you’d answer.”
You squeeze your eyes shut out of embarrassment, even if he can’t exactly see you. The stuttering was enough to make you go into hiding for the rest of your life if this serial killer didn’t.
“Oh,” you can hear the slight chuckle in his response from the way his breath hits the speaker. “It means a lot that you’d do that, N/N. Really, I appreciate you so much.”
Your lip finds itself between your teeth and your heart is pounding unbearably fast, you think you might be having a heart attack. You bring a hand up to clutch at your chest as a fuzzy feeling courses through your whole being.
Now you were scared for an entirely different reason.
(The main one occupies your mind again later that night when you scroll through your Twitter feed, only to find out the most recent victim was the guy you accidentally bumped into. You feel like some sick version of a guardian angel was looking after you. It makes it hard to fall asleep after that.)
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A couple days passed and you found yourself thinking about Lee Hyunjae more than usual.
Not to say that you didn’t already think about him at least once a day, but now it was worse. When you woke up, you wondered if he was still asleep. While you drank your morning coffee, you wondered if it’d taste sweeter had he made it for you. When you had lunch, you wondered if he’d like the spam musubi you made yourself. When you attended your other classes, you wondered which courses he was struggling with this semester.
As you were walking out of your English class, you recalled running into him. Had he not been there, you might’ve driven yourself insane trying to rush over to the music building while diffusing the issue with that stranger.
When you first began to harbor feelings for him, you assumed it would become nothing more than a silly schoolgirl crush. He was attractive and kind to you, but that was just the bare minimum— you thought you’d grow out of it. However, as time went on, what you thought was just puppy love had blossomed into something stronger. It was a force to be reckoned with.
Of course, all of that had been tossed on the back burner with everything that’s going on. Recently you’ve been too afraid for your own safety and well-being to over analyze your interactions with Hyunjae, but now you’re back to square one.
All because he’d done something nice for you.
God, the bar was so low. Was it really too much to ask for someone who was decent? Someone who wasn’t a serial killer?
You were on your way to the music building to wait for Jacob, Kevin, and Eric once again, when you see Hyunjae coming down the hall. He’s on his phone, not paying any mind to his surroundings. You’re about to call out to him when someone stops you, tugging on the sleeve of your sweater gently.
“Hey, Y/N right?” The tall boy asks, a charming smile on his face.
“Uh— yeah,” you nod, tucking some hair behind your ear. “Y-you are?”
“Oh my god! I’m so sorry! I must seem like a total weirdo,” he laughs, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. “I’m Mingyu! We have English together.”
“Oh, you’re Mingyu? Professor Park told me about you before class today,” you give him a small comforting smile. “I don’t mind helping you!”
“Ah, that’s great to hear. I was a bit worried you’d be more annoyed about having to tutor someone so late in the semester.” Though he’s much taller than you and approached you first, Mingyu comes across as a little shy in nature. It puts you at ease in a way.
“No, not at all! English isn’t always the easiest, I get that. I wanna help as much as I can before finals. Look,” you pause, pulling your backpack off one shoulder to rip out a sheet of paper. “I’ll give you my number so we can arrange meet up dates! I’d prefer if we met at the library if that’s okay with you?”
Mingyu grins and sports a thumbs up in agreement. “That sounds perfect. Thank you so much, Y/N!”
You scribble your phone number onto the paper and hand it to him before parting ways. With the off guard conversation, you nearly forgot about Hyunjae, who was nowhere to be seen now. You feel your lips droop into a frown, since you were hoping you could talk with him for a second.
As you’re walking across the quad to the music building, a wind chill blows past you, making you wrap your arms around yourself. It was mid November and for some stupid reason, you were only wearing a small cardigan.
When you squint up at the sky, you also realize it’s more overcast than anything. There’s an angry grey cloud right above you and you curse yourself for not having an umbrella or a raincoat. You should've been more prepared, especially because of the inconsistent weather this time of year.
Suddenly, the sky is blocked from your view and you furrow your brows, spinning around. Hyunjae stares back at you with a smile ten times warmer than the frigid air surrounding you and a thicker jacket in one hand. The other holds up an umbrella just as tiny droplets begin to fall from above.
His timing couldn’t have been better.
“Heading to the music building?” He asks, skillfully placing the coat on your shoulders.
“Mhm… was gonna wait for the boys.” You respond, a little awestruck by how gorgeous he was. Especially up close. Your eyes fixate on the freckle on his nose rather than his own. He hums, keeping an arm around your shoulders as he leads you in a different direction.
“I can take you home again,” he glances down at you. “I don’t mind one bit.”
“O-okay!”
During the car ride to your apartment, you send a quick text to your roommates about not waiting up. You were happy that your relationship with Hyunjae was evolving. The past couple semesters had been rough, and you hadn’t seen him or any of the other guys nearly as much as Jacob, Kevin, and Eric. (And that was only because you lived with them.)
You toss your keys on to the mini table beside the front door, taking off your shoes with a small groan. The boots were cute, but not very comfortable. Hyunjae follows suit, his sock clad feet shuffling against the floor to sit on the couch.
After switching on the TV, you find a random Hallmark Christmas movie to play in the background, knowing full well that his presence beside you was too distracting. The brunette turns to face you, placing a hand on your thigh gently to get your attention.
“So, who was the dude you were talking to earlier?”
You blink at his question. So he saw you after all. Was he perhaps jealous? The idea shouldn’t make you giddy, but it does. “My professor asked me to tutor him ‘cause he’s struggling with English. Why?”
“Just curious. He seemed a little touchy.” Hyunjae plays with the hem of your sweater.
“O-oh. It’s fine, he wasn’t a random perv, if that’s what you were wondering.”
He scoots a little closer to you, tucking some hair behind your ear. You feel your face flush impossibly hotter. Your heart is racing and your breath is caught in your throat. His body heat radiates off of him with the new proximity.
“Good. It drives me crazy seeing other guys put their hands on you.” He admits bluntly, his hand resting at the junction where your neck meets your shoulder.
You know you look insane, your chest heaving up and down and your eyes widened a little. Like a baby deer caught by a predator. Who knew sweet sweet Hyunjae had a rather risqué side to him? You swallow thickly, not daring to move an inch. His thumb caresses your skin gently, goosebumps littering in its wake.
“Hyunjae…” You breathe, lips parting as you finally make eye contact with him.
“You’re so pretty, Y/N.”
You want to scream into the cushion behind you, your hands clamming up. Hyunjae looks like he could swallow you whole if he wanted to, his bottom lip between his teeth as he leans in a bit more. This moment was something straight out of one of your darkest fantasies. You never thought this would ever happen, that either of you would ever actually make a move on the other.
The sound of the front door unlocking catches both of your attention. Hyunjae pulls away from you faster than your brain can comprehend what exactly just occurred. Jacob is the first to walk in, laughing at something Eric said. The three males pause when they see you’re not alone.
The greetings are quick, Hyunjae dapping up the boys as if nothing. He’s also quick to say goodbye, ensuring them that he’ll make sure you’re safe when they’re not around. He gives you that smile of his, the one where his eyes form crescents, and then he’s gone.
You don’t know how much more of this you could take.
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“So, Y/N…” Eric starts in the middle of dinner, side eyeing you as he shovels rice into his mouth. “You and Hyunjae have been together an awful lot lately.”
Kevin snorts, kicking the blonde under the table. You suppose it was going to come up eventually. This ‘Will They, Won’t They’ back and forth shit was starting to tire you out. You weren’t getting any younger. Time was passing you up the longer you waited to just say something. And with all that’s been going on, it was silly to be afraid of admitting your feelings.
“He’s being a good friend, Eric,” Jacob sighs, reaching across to flick him on the forehead. “It’s actually really nice that he watches over Y/N when we’re gone.”
Eric grimaces, rubbing the spot that Jacob assaulted. You frown a bit when you realize that he had a point. Hyunjae was treating you like a child that had to be tended to, babysitting you like you weren’t capable of holding your own. Granted, both times he’s come over, you asked him to. So you couldn’t really blame him for assuming you wanted him around to protect you.
“Do y’all think Hyunjae actually likes me? In a non-platonic way?”
Kevin’s spoon clatters onto the floor and they all pause their banter to look at you. Every time your feelings for Hyunjae were brought up, you chose to ignore them and switch the subject. You can’t keep running away.
“Uh— yeah. Duh. Of course he does. I don’t know anyone else who would go out of their way to stay with someone they saw as just a friend multiple times a week so she felt safe.” Kevin finally answers after a moment.
“Okay.” You settle on, taking a sip of your water.
“What do you mean ‘okay’?” He raises an eyebrow at you, but you just shrug.
“That’s for me to know and you to find out.”
As you’re washing the dishes after dinner, you hear the news broadcast over the faucet. Another victim had just been found behind the campus library. The camera shows the scene behind the reporter, something that would’ve made you queasy a couple days ago, but now you feel nothing— just a dull ache in your chest. It’s messy, almost like the killer was in a hurry to get it over with.
The body is covered with a black tarp, paramedics wheeling it away in the corner of the screen. The reporter still wears that dissociated expression on her face as she goes over the details of this victim. She explains that because the murder was done so haphazardly, they were able to identify the body easily.
Twenty three year old Kim Mingyu, Sports Med Major.
The rest of the news report sounds like static in your ears as you scrub away at the dishes mindlessly. Your fingers have pruned and the water was burning the backs of your hands, but you don’t feel it, too checked out to care. It seemed like the killings were getting closer and closer to you. Part of you thought you’d be next every single time.
You had to tell Hyunjae how you felt. It was now or never.
Fifteen minutes later, he’s waiting outside of your apartment complex, leaning against his car. You take careful steps down the stairs, nearly fainting at the sight of him in a hoodie and grey sweatpants. He runs around the car to open the passenger door for you, only shutting it when you’re all buckled up. It’s not long after that he revs the engine and drives off to nowhere in particular, just like you requested. (Curfew ignored.)
It’s silent at first, save for the low hum of his music, R&B that resonates somewhere within your soul. You can’t help but steal a glance from your peripheral, fisting your sweatshirt when you see how concentrated he looks while driving. He has his right hand resting on the gear shift, the other gripping the wheel. You could’ve had this view all to yourself so long ago had you just spoken up.
“Hyunjae,” your voice is wobbly, but you steel yourself to continue. “I have something to tell you.”
“What is it?” He asks, keeping his eyes on the road.
“Do you think— uh— do you think you could pull over?” If you were going to confess, you wanted him to look at you. Besides, the drive was starting to make you jittery.
He nods and goes a bit further, before pulling into an empty lot. He shifts into park, unbuckling his seatbelt so he could turn his body towards you, giving you his undivided attention. You mirror him, tightening your hold on your sweater when he wets his lips, smiling at you. “Is this what you called me for?”
“Yeah, actually,” you force yourself to keep eye contact, pushing the lump back down your throat. “I’ve wanted to tell you this for years now, if I’m being honest with both of us.”
He chuckles, much like he did the other night over the phone. It drives you just a little crazy. “I’m listening.”
“I— I don’t know how to word this properly…” You wipe your palms on your legs. Come on, Y/N, spit it out already. “Fuck, okay, I like you Hyunjae. Like, really like you. In the way that I sometimes wish you would kiss me until I can’t breathe. I’ve been so afraid of admitting that to myself, but I’ve realized that life is way too short to dwell over the fear of rejection. But please, tell me you feel the same.”
He stares at you with an indecipherable look in his eyes. You feel like throwing up now, you stomach twisting and churning at the thought that you just ruined everything between you. There was no going back after this. He knew.
It’s as if months have passed by in utter silence with Hyunjae just sitting there, no words coming out of his mouth, until finally, he just leans across the center console, cupping your cheek with one of his hands. His vision is trained on your lips, his face close enough that his lashes flutter against your skin. God, he was even more gorgeous from this distance.
Instead of saying anything, he presses his lips to yours, a sweet but desperate kiss that melts away all the worries tucked into your head. They feel so soft on your own, molding together in near perfect timing. It’s like you’d been living for a year without rain and this kiss was the shower that saved you from a drought. It’s all you’ve ever wanted and needed and more.
“You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that,” he breathes when he pulls away slightly. “The real thing is so much better than I imagined it would be.”
For once, time slows down in this moment, almost like the world stopped spinning on its axis. Everything slips from your mind and it’s just you and Hyunjae, here in his car in the middle of an empty parking lot. Nothing else matters. You smile at his confession, a genuine smile that was spurred on by contentment rather than force. You felt light and airy, no longer weighed down by such a trivial problem.
“I think I have an idea,” you giggle, reaching up to brush a stray hair from his face. “I’m not too sure, though, I could be wrong. Could you do that again to help jog my memory?”
Hyunjae laughs, (it’s the most melodic sound you’ve ever heard) but doesn’t hesitate to kiss you. You reciprocate his passion, tangling your fingers in his dark hair. He sighs into the kiss, pulling you on top of him. Your legs straddle his lap as best as they can and he reaches down to recline his seat, scooting it as far as it can go from the wheel. The thin material of your fleece shorts hardly hide the feeling of him under you, a low moan pushing into his mouth.
He nips at your bottom lip, tugging at it with his teeth gently before peppering kisses along your jaw and neck, sucking along the exposed skin from your sweatshirt. You whine, throwing your head back as his tongue soothes over the bruising area. His hands slide under your top, rubbing up and down your sides before moving them down to your thighs, repeating the action.
“You’re so gorgeous on top of me like this, Y/N.” Hyunjae says, just above a whisper like someone else might hear this intimate conversation. He grips your hips and bucks upwards to grind into your clothed core. Your eyes widen and you involuntarily moan at the sensation. This wasn’t what you were expecting when you planned to confess, but you didn’t hate the outcome. He grins at your response, reconnecting your mouths sloppily.
If you were given the choice, you were wholeheartedly satisfied with just this. You would’ve been plenty okay with just making out. Had you been asked years ago that you’d even get this far, you would’ve snorted in your own face, so why should you be greedy and want more than what you had? (That’s not to say that you didn’t.)
“H-Hyunjae,” you stutter, your brain foggy from all of the kissing you just did. “Do you…?”
You trail off, not sure how to word your question. You didn’t want to come off like a sex crazed maniac, but you didn’t want to come off like an amateur virgin either. Truth of the matter is, you were neither, but it had been a while since you indulged yourself in something of this sort. And this time it would be with Hyunjae, the one person you never thought you’d do this with. You were nervous.
All you wanted was to be entwined with him in more ways than one. You wanted all of him— the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, the sick, the healthy. He could do no wrong on your eyes and you wanted to show him that.
“Do I…?” Hyunjae trails off, waiting for you to continue.
“Do you want to make love… with me?” This had to be the single most mortifying moment of your life. You cover your face in humiliation, shying away from him when he sits up on his elbows.
“What kind of question is that?” He asks with a chuckle, prying your hands from your face so he could look you in the eyes. “If I could make love to you every hour of the day, for seven days a week, I would. I want you all the time, Y/N. Earlier today, before we got interrupted, I wanted to do unimaginable things to you.”
You hide yourself in the crook of his neck, your skin flushing hotter. Weren't you wearing too many layers? The car was starting to feel stuffy. Hyunjae’s chest rumbles with laughter beneath you, pressing his lips to the shell of your ear. This is probably the gentlest he’d be with you all night, because from what you could infer, he was a manhandler.
“Take care of me,” you breathe, mouth brushing against his pulse point. “Please.”
Hyunjae stops holding himself back. He’d do whatever you asked of him, only hoping you’d be tied to him in every lifetime, just like this one. He kisses you again with an unrivaled fervor, slipping his hands inside your sweatshirt and touching you everywhere physically possible. They’re warm on your skin, palming your breasts over the flimsy fabric of your bralette.
He helps you get rid of your top and shorts, leaving you in just undergarments. The sight of you barely clothed sends him into a frenzy, especially knowing it’s for his eyes only. You aid Hyunjae in pulling off his hoodie and yanking his sweatpants down his long legs. The minute most of your restrictions are gone, Hyunjae brings you closer to him. He hisses at the contact, the warmth of your cunt through your panties putting him under a spell.
You whimper when his touch travels down your front, sneaking into the waistband of your underwear. The pads of his middle and ring fingers apply the lightest amount of pressure onto your clit the second he finds it, circling the sensitive bundle of nerves. Your nails on one hand dig into his shoulder while the other trails down his abdomen, rubbing up and down his length through his boxer briefs.
Hyunjae groans into your kiss and you gasp for air as you tear from him, resting your forehead on his to watch as you get each other off through your clothes. If earlier was something taken from one of your wet dreams, what did this constitute as? You clench around nothing when he pushes up into you, your wrists clashing. Knowing he was just as down bad for you as you were for him just made this all that much more real.
“I need to feel you around me,” he mumbles in your ear, dipping his fingers in and out of you languidly as if to explain what he meant. “Let me stretch you out.”
You nod in response, fumbling with his briefs. Hyunjae lifts his hips enough for you to help him out of them. You groan when he reveals his impressive size, wondering how exactly he expected you to take him. He pushes your panties to the side, mimicking the sound you just made when he sees your bare pussy drooling for him. You eventually get frustrated and line him up with your hole, sinking down in one fluid motion. A voluminous moan escapes from the back of your throat, his dick throbbing achingly inside of you. At first you stay still like that, your pelvises touching as you adjust to his length and girth.
“H-holy shit— you’re s-so deep, Jae,” you cry, resting your forehead against his yet again. He pecks your lips, holding onto your hips to help you bounce on his cock, practically impaling you every single time.
“Fuck, you’re taking me so well. Such a good fucking girl,” Hyunjae grunts, the warmth of your walls drawing him in even further. “So tight, too.”
Your thighs begin to burn and your movements become slower, which he takes note of instantaneously. He bends his knees and forces your upper half impossibly closer to him, thrusting up into you. This new angle allows him to find that one spongy spot that has you seeing stars, fogging up your brain and even your vision.
You cast a downward glance at the minimal space between where the two of you are connected. Your moans and whines grow louder with the view of every thrust of his hips into yours. Hyunjae sneaks his hand in the middle of you, his fingers expertly toying with your clit. Any more stimulation and the band in your stomach is snapping.
You’ve had sex before. You’ve slept with a handful of other guys in the past, but nothing could ever compare to this moment. Your cunt had already memorized his size and every vein, effectively ruining the chances of any other man doing this with you. Lee Hyunjae had you in a chokehold whether he realized it or not. He had you wrapped around his finger without really trying, but you could never complain.
Your walls squeeze his cock and he knows he won’t last much longer, shutting his eyes tightly. “C’mon baby, you gonna cum for me?”
“Mhm,” you whimper, your skin flush on his own. “Wanna cum so bad for you, Hyunjae.”
“Yeah? Me too, sweetheart,” he pants, the thumb on your hip pressing against the bone. “Where do you want me?”
“Inside,” you babble. “Please, please. I want you to cum inside me, Hyunjae.”
He kisses you softly just then, swallowing your pretty moans with something completely opposite of what he’s already given you, and that’s what sends you spiraling, fluttering around him. He groans, spilling into you and letting you milk him dry of everything he has to offer, painting your insides just like you asked him to.
You lay like that for a while, Hyunjae’s dick still buried in you to the hilt. Both of you attempt to catch your breaths and bring yourselves down from the well-anticipated euphoric state you just visited. You giggle at the condensation coating the windows of his car, extending your arm to draw a heart and a smiley face with your finger. He slowly pulls himself out, hissing at the sensitivity, but doesn’t make a move to get you off of his chest.
Where do you go from here? A line had just been crossed and you weren’t entirely sure you knew what he wanted from you. It’s one thing to imagine kissing and fucking someone extensively. But it was another to actually want a tangible, romantic relationship from them, to actually capacitate feelings for them.
“I love you,”
You jolt up and stare at him with widened eyes. Did those words really just come out of his mouth? As if he can read your mind, he nods. There’s a dragged out sigh, followed by him sitting up slightly with you perched on his lap.
“I really do, Y/N. I’ve felt this way for years and I’m willing to do anything for you.” He admits, tucking some of your hair behind your ear. You kiss him gently, the pad of your thumb swiping across his cheekbone.
“I love you, too.”
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The Saturday after your night in Hyunjae’s car brought everything into perspective for you.
You hadn’t spoken to him since he dropped you off at your apartment and it was beginning to worry you. Even though you made sure he reciprocated your emotions, there still could’ve been a misunderstanding. Had you been too forward? Did you scare him away? Did something happen to him? Whatever the explanation was, you didn’t like the eerie feeling it started brewing in your stomach— it was foreboding.
In spite of not talking to them at all in what seemed to be a month or so, you tried calling each of your mutual friends to see if you could get some answers. Not even his roommates picked up their phones and this made you much more uneasy. You pace back and forth in your living room, nicking at your bottom lip with your nails. Why did he choose now of all times to ghost you? What went wrong?
Kevin comes out of his bedroom a couple minutes later, expecting to grab his morning coffee as usual. When he finds you nearly on the brink of insanity instead, he decides to intervene. He supposed his caffeine could wait until his best friend was calmed down. You jump in surprise, holding a fist to your chest. He raises his hands in mock surrender.
“Didn’t mean to startle you, my bad. What’s up? Why do you look like you’re going through a quarter life crisis?” Kevin asks you, pushing his glasses up his nose. “Is everything okay?”
“I—“ you pause and take a deep breath. “I don’t know…”
His eyebrows furrow and he guides you to the sofa so you could sit down. “What do you mean ‘you don’t know’?”
“Hyunjae hasn’t talked to me since Thursday night, after he brought me back here,” your voice is hoarser than you’d like it to be. “I-I texted and called him a bunch but he hasn’t replied. I even— I even tried Juyo, Sunwoo, and Changmin. No luck with them either. I’m concerned, Kev.”
Kevin combs through his hair, pursing his lips in thought. “Yeah, okay, I would be too. It's a little weird that none of them are responding. Have you thought of just showing up at his place to check in on him?”
You shake your head. “No, I didn’t want him to think I’m clingy and annoying in case he was there. What if he just wants to get me off of his back and he’s telling them to ignore me?”
“I don’t think that’s the case at all, Y/N,” your friend sighs, putting his glasses on top of his head and running a hand down his face. “Hyunjae has never been that kind of person in all the years we’ve known him. I highly doubt he’d switch up now. Plus, he’s literally crazy about you. I’m pretty sure the guy would move heaven and earth for you if he could. I think there’s a very real and genuine possibility that something is seriously wrong. It’s like— it’s just a gut feeling, you know?”
“Yeah, I know.” If Kevin felt this way, too, that would only mean one thing, right? You had to get to the bottom of this. There was a chance that lives depended on it. A quick roll of your neck and you’re standing. “I’m gonna go over there. I can’t leave things unanswered. I can’t wait for a fucking news report.”
The ravenette pats the top of your head. “Be careful, N/N. Please.”
You give him a nod before you’re slipping into your shoes and grabbing his car keys. You’re not exactly dressed for a confrontation if there is one— clad in a pair of sweatpants, an oversized sweatshirt with your university’s crest on it, and socks with sandals— but you were too preoccupied to care.
The drive itself was mentally taxing, your brain dissociating most of the ride. You’re not sure how many of the lights you passed were actually green. The closer you got to Hyunjae’s apartment, the more that trepidation settling in your lower abdomen grew. Throughout your life, you’d never been the type of person who acted on instinct or had a nagging voice in the rear of your head warning you about situations you got into. You usually went with the flow and if you made a mistake, you allowed yourself to learn from it.
However, that was prior to being thrown into a period of uncertainty like this one. Now, all you could do was act on instinct. All you could do was listen to the stupid nagging voice in the rear of your head yelling at you. All you could do was follow the blaring alarms and caution signs in your field of vision. And this time they were almost deafening.
Kevin’s car rolls to a stop outside of Hyunjae’s building, occupying an empty spot three away from the front of the stairs. Your pulse races when you step out of the vehicle and immediately recognize the cars in the spaces beside yours. Hyunjae’s, Juyeon’s, and Changmin’s. You notice a thin layer of dirt caking Juyeon and Changmin’s, as if they’d remained unmoved for a long time. Perturbed wasn’t a big enough word to describe what was going through your mind.
Half of you was terrified to take a step towards the stairs, let alone ascend them to Hyunjae’s floor. What would go down when you reached his apartment? What would happen the moment that door opened?
You ball your hands into fists, the edges of your nails jabbing the skin of your palms. The pain steels you enough to move forward, walking up the stairs slowly. There’s a chill tiptoeing along your spine the whole trip up, like your body knew what you were getting yourself into before you did. Maybe you were stupid. Only an idiot would lead themselves blindly into a scenario without knowing the outcome.
It’s been minutes of you staring at the slightly rusted numbers on Hyunjae’s door before you register that you’re standing in front of it. If you're being honest, you have no idea what you’re doing. You were acting on autopilot— progressing without a thought of what’s coming next. A shuddered breath leaves your lips and you raise your knuckles to the door.
The first knock is too soft to hear if the inhabitants were in their bedrooms, so you apply more force the second time. The sound reverberates through the hall, a wince appearing on your features. If someone was inside, surely they had to have heard that one. You wait a little longer for the door to swing open and reveal one of your friends looking perfectly fine. For Juyeon to showcase that grin of his that reaches his eyes and ask what you were doing here. For Changmin to give you that sweet smile that puffed up his cheeks and ask what you needed. For Sunwoo to blow a raspberry before he laughed at how silly you were for stressing over them. For Hyunjae to reassure you that it was all going to be okay, that he loved you. You were praying for that.
But no one showed up on the other end of that doorway and you were stuck glaring at that same painted board of wood.
That’s what sends your instincts into overdrive. Your hand grabs the knob, twisting it just in case. It makes a full rotation, pushing open the door the tiniest bit. You peek inside carefully and find all the lights in the living room and kitchen off. Your teeth bite down on your lip as you enter the apartment. One of the things you hated about it, was the annoying buzz of the fluorescent lights in their bathroom. And for some reason, that was all that infiltrated your ears.
The door for said bathroom was cracked just a tad at the end of the hallway, but what caught your attention was the room closest to you— also cracked the most miniscule amount. You see light filtering through, an almost orange glow like that of a desk lamp. Your stupidity would be your downfall, you conclude, your feet gravitating to the room. It’s Hyunjae’s you recall when you’re outside of it. They always say curiosity killed the cat, and you couldn’t help but revert to a feline and nudge it open with your foot.
You really wished that saying was just that— a saying.
Eric sits ahead of you, tied to a chair in the middle of the room. There’s a piece of fabric gagging his mouth and his clothes are tattered, blood staining nearly every inch. A long gash runs along his left bicep and a myriad of smaller cuts litter his face and arms. What your focus lands on first are the several deep stab wounds on his thighs.
A hand comes up to cup your mouth to keep yourself from screaming at the sight of your best friend in this position. He struggles against his restraints, muffled cries for your assistance shattering your heart into a thousand pieces like broken shards of glass. Tear streaks mixed with dried blood cover the apples of his cheeks.
“Oh my god, Eric,” your voice wobbles as you scramble to free him. “Oh my god…”
You pull down the fabric in his mouth first and he gasps for air. His eyes widen at something behind you and he warns, “Y/N—!” before he’s interrupted by your yelp. The person pressed into your back has their arm around your neck with a hold tight enough that you can’t escape, but loose enough that you can breathe, the blunt edge of a knife grazing the column of your throat.
“Tsk tsk, Youngjae. You should know that making so much noise when your killer’s not in the room just alerts them of suspicious activity. That’s survival 101, my friend. Isn’t that right, sweet sweet Y/N?”
No.
No. No. No. No. No.
This wasn’t happening.
This couldn’t be happening.
“Please, let her go, Hyunjae.” Eric begs. Hyunjae hums, nuzzling his nose in your hair. He rolls his eyes and scoffs after inhaling your scent, resting his chin on your shoulder.
“God, you’re a mouthy one. Not even Juyeon and Sunwoo were this chatty when I slit their throats— then again, it's not like they could talk much anyway.” He snorts.
You felt sick. You were lightheaded now, just at the thought of your friends gone. “W-why are you doing this?”
Hyunjae grumbles, pouting his lips. “Time for me to unravel my evil villain monologue, huh?” He slips a hand under your sweatshirt and pinches the side of your waist. “Well here it is; what you’re dying to know. The first incident was by complete accident, we were simply having a discussion about why he shouldn’t have been staring at your ass while his girlfriend was next to him at Jeong Jaehyun’s end of summer bonfire. The dude got pissed off that I called him out and tried to start a fight, but I shoved him so hard, he fell and hit his head on a rock. I just couldn’t find it in myself to feel bad about it so I left him there like nothing. From then on, anyone who came between us or remotely hurt you in any way wound up on the receiving end of this knife. Funny isn’t it? How you’re the one beneath it this time?”
It all began to fall into place once he laid the cards out on the table for you to read. The guy you ran into Tuesday after class. Poor Kim Mingyu, who just wanted to pass his English final. Your friends not picking up their phones. And supposedly it was all in the name of love.
“Y-you did that for me?”
“Of course, baby,” Hyunjae mutters into the shell of your ear. “I said I’d protect you didn’t I? I just want you all to myself.”
“What the fuck does that possessive bullshit have to do with me? What did it have to do with Juyo or Changmin or Sunwoo?” Eric cries. “Oh god, what about—?”
“Sangyeon, Hoon, Chanhee, Hak? Yeah, those four were taken care of way before my own roommates. You, obviously, were the chosen one this go around. Then it would be Kevin and lastly, Jacob. I planned on stopping after you three unless absolutely necessary.”
“How is any of this fucking necessary? You’re psychotic,” the blonde exclaims, still wriggling in his restraints. “Why would Y/N want you after all of this? Did you really believe she’d never find out about what you’ve done?”
Hyunjae glides the smooth edge of the blade against your skin and releases you from his grip, but takes a hold of your wrist, placing the handle in your grasp. He urges you forward, closer to Eric. “If she was scared of me, don’t you think she would’ve tried harder to escape me? Didn’t even blink when I held the knife to her neck.”
The brunette kisses your temple and you watch the fear in Eric’s eyes morph into defeat. “After everything we’ve been through? I’ve known you since eighth grade, Y/N. Eighth fucking grade. And this is how it ends?”
“H-he loves me,” you stutter, glancing at Hyunjae. “Don’t you?”
“You don’t kill your best friends out of love, Y/N! He’s insane! Please, don’t let him get into your head. You’re not that kind of person.” Eric attempts to reason.
Maybe you weren’t. Maybe you were. Who knows? That didn’t matter. What mattered was the fact that Hyunjae loved you. He loved you so much that he’d kill for you. Over and over and over again.
It was kind of comical that you loved him all the same. You, too, would kill for him. Over and over and over again.
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