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becomewings · 4 years ago

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The Most Beautiful Moment in Life <I’M FINE>

BTS Universe Story Highlights, pt. 1 / 4

» pt. 2

Introduction

BTS Universe Story, a mobile game published by Netmarble, was released on September 24, 2020. While the majority of the app is essentially a sandbox and engine for users to create their own interactive stories, it also includes official and canon BU content. The first eight segments were introduced between the release date and December 2020, gathered under the title The Most Beautiful Moment in Life <I’M FINE>.

“I’m Fine” is half of the I’m Fine/Save Me ambigram introduced in the Love Yourself era. Notably, all of the BU content available in the game so far falls between events of the webtoon Save Me (also called HYYH0 in its logo) and The Notes 1—chronologically, that is, while bearing in mind that time resets to the morning of 11 April Year 22 whenever SeokJin fails to avert a tragedy among his six friends. I want to assure anyone who is unable to play the game that you are not missing any new, major plot beats from the overall BU narrative. Instead, the stories provide more insight into the motivations and consequences of SeokJin’s decisions in the earlier time loops, as well as more depth to individual characters and their circumstances.

The goal of this guide is to summarize each of the eight stories and highlight noteworthy details, especially if they are not yet present in other BU media. Within each story (which I often refer to as an arc, due to their character-focused nature), episodes must be played successively, but the stories themselves can be played in any order. I will present them over a series of posts in the order they are listed under the <I’M FINE> heading. The Prologue and NamJoon’s arc are free to play; the rest are paid content. Please note that due to the app’s Terms & Conditions, I will not include in-game footage here. The images in this guide are sourced from the official trailers/videos and the live action MVs as appropriate.

Content warning: contains references to death, suicide, suicidal ideation, child abuse, domestic violence, blood, homicide, depression, trauma, PTSD

This guide contains major spoilers and includes references to other BU media

Do not repost, copy, or quote without permission

Game Mechanic

Before diving into the summaries, I would like to address the primary mechanic of the game: the user’s control of character choices at designated moments in the stories. It’s a primary marketing point that the player can influence the progression of the narrative, with a frequent in-app tip also declaring, “stories’ endings can vary depending on your choices.” The latter is not strictly true—and it cannot be true due to the structure of the game. Choices are presented within most (not all) episodes, but each episode is an isolated unit: episode 2 provides the same content regardless of what you choose in episode 1. Since the consequences of your decisions are not cumulative, each episode reaches the same ending, and each decision inevitably rejoins the “main” story path (effectively reducing the script size).

So what is the point of this mechanic? While the system is not nearly as complex as what major platform titles are capable of nowadays (I suspect due in large part to the story creation portion of the game), it does foster a sense of interaction with the narrative that isn’t present in static visual media like comics or film. The episodes with choices also have incentive for replay to discover the impact of changing a character’s dialogue or action. Sometimes the differences between the outcomes are inconsequential, but other times you unearth new details, interactions, or memories that are missing in the other path.

I say this partially in reaction to all of the comments and tweets I read for the game trailers and even Smeraldo Book twitter’s choose-your-own-adventure style teasers with The Notes 2 excerpts released last summer. Many users expressed excitement, through words or memes, about finally being able to give the boys the happy ending they deserved. I don’t fault anyone for wanting that happy ending—I wish for it, too. But no matter what the rather overzealous marketing has claimed, I don’t believe that the canon ending of BU is ever meant to be in the audience’s control. But I do feel that this mechanism fits the BU narrative. It echoes the “countless loops” SeokJin has experienced in an effort to save his friends, the choices he must make at every crossroad, and the butterfly effect those actions have on all of their lives. I think it is reasonable to interpret the simple branching paths in the game as alternatives SeokJin has explored across multiple loops in his struggle to find the “right” way forward. I’d love to hear if you have theories of your own!

Prologue

The prologue is a brief episode introducing SeokJin’s repeated struggle and failure to save his friends. He wakes up yet again in his bed on 11 April Year 22, the beginning of the time loop. After reflecting on the tragedies that keep befalling the others, SeokJin realizes that he has only tried to fix the problems he can see. He wonders: “Have I tried to understand the root of my friends’ misfortunes? How much do I really know about my friends? Maybe I was never brave enough to confront their real scars and the worlds they’ve been living in. But I need to do it. Because it may be the key to saving them all.”

How to Offer a Hand

In this story, SeokJin attempts to prevent NamJoon’s arrest after he gets in a fight with a rude customer at Naeri Gas Station, his place of work. The first episode opens on the night of 11 April Year 22 with NamJoon curling his fists, glaring as crumpled bills lie untouched on the pavement. (The money looks similar to the shot from the I Need U MV.) SeokJin reaches for his shoulder, but NamJoon shrugs him off and strides away to punch the customer who deliberately dropped the bills for him to pick up. The gas station owner runs over at the customer’s furious shouts and orders NamJoon to apologize. He refuses, and police officers soon arrive and charge him with assault. No one listens to SeokJin’s protests that the customer started it first. The man sneers as NamJoon enters the police car. “Do you even have money for a settlement? Hey, you’re done for.” NamJoon is sentenced to prison again, and SeokJin hears glass shattering before the loop resets.

Rising from his bed on the morning of 11 April, SeokJin reflects on his failed efforts so far. He has hit the customer’s car, called for NamJoon in the middle of the incident, and stopped the fight himself, the latter of which caused his friends to avoid him later. The fight has even escalated; the details are unspecified, but the audience is provided an ominous shot of SeokJin speaking to a police officer alone at the scene. NamJoon is not the kind of person who would normally respond to that kind of provocation with his fists. SeokJin realizes that he cannot merely stop the fight but must discover and fix the true cause of it.

With this in mind, SeokJin heads to Naeri Gas Station during the day and tries to engage NamJoon. This is their first time meeting since they both returned to Songju, although SeokJin has experienced it in many loops already. “It’s been a while,” he greets (as he does at the end of the Blood Sweat & Tears Japanese version MV). Before SeokJin can dig deeper in their conversation, NamJoon is called away by his boss. SeokJin enters the small employee break room which serves as NamJoon’s living space when he’s not at the container, hoping to find some clues about his friend’s life. SeokJin locates something bundled in newspapers. If the player chooses to open it, he sees a strange shard of glass inside that may belong to a car or motorcycle headlight. He continues on, finding the book Cosmos by Carl Sagan and a notebook. SeokJin hesitates over the invasion of privacy but decides to read it since he needs all the information that he can gather. The journal entries detail NamJoon’s daily life since returning to Songju: his work at the gas station isn’t too bad despite the occasional rude customer; he purchased a book and hopes to get more in the future; he picked up a second job at a wedding hall to help catch up on bills; his brother NamHyeon got in trouble again, leading to more expenses; and his dad’s health has worsened, with hospital bills after an emergency surgery rising to levels that the family cannot afford. SeokJin knew that NamJoon was the de facto head of household due to his father’s illness but was unaware that it was to this degree. He feels sorry for NamJoon yet is also impressed by his maturity, for NamJoon never writes how difficult his situation is.

NamJoon arrives and asks what SeokJin is doing in the room. If the player chooses to answer “reading” instead of “just sitting there,” SeokJin privately observes that the conversation flows more easily when they talk about books. NamJoon says he must leave and declines when SeokJin offers to wait for him there. SeokJin knocks over a pile of books along with money and receipts as he stands. He thinks it is unusual that NamJoon picks up the books before the money. The books seem to be more than a hobby to NamJoon, holding special meaning. Walking to his car, SeokJin wonders if it is pride or determination not to falter that keeps NamJoon from journaling his grievances. He realizes that money is a constant source of frustration and misery to NamJoon, and that’s why he can’t stomach being insulted over the customer’s dropped money. SeokJin’s new plan is to prevent NamJoon from picking up the money. He also calls Palgok County Hospital and offers to pay the patient bill for NamJoon’s father. Anticipating that NamJoon will be angry if he finds out, SeokJin says the payer is Songho Foundation.

That night, SeokJin returns to the gas station with the excuse that he forgot to fill up earlier. The luxury car arrives with a honk, and NamJoon hurries over to assist. He shakes with anger when the customer drops the money on the ground. “Why aren’t you picking it up? You don’t want it? What’s with that look? Pretty arrogant for a part-timer, aren’t you?” goads the customer. SeokJin intervenes. Whether the player chooses to have him advise NamJoon not to pick it up or to order the customer to pick it up himself, the end result is the same. SeokJin asks the customer, “Why are you harassing a pitiful part-timer?” The customer drives away, and something about NamJoon seems off. His face is expressionless, not mad or humiliated. “SeokJin, you…” He stops. “Never mind. Thank you for your help.” The words sound difficult for him to speak.

SeokJin believes that he has saved NamJoon, although this ending feels sloppy. He continues on in the loop to rescue JungKook and later YoonGi, but uneasiness plagues him. Though he meant to help NamJoon with his actions, SeokJin wonders if he hurt him instead. On 5 May Year 22, he returns to the gas station and follows NamJoon when he leaves work early. NamJoon enters a bookstore, and SeokJin sneaks in after him to watch from afar. He overhears employees talking about NamJoon, worrying that he might dirty the pages of the book he’s perusing. NamJoon is too absorbed in the book to notice one of them calling for his attention. SeokJin recalls a memory from their school days when he found NamJoon reading alone in their classroom hideout: he asked why NamJoon read so diligently, and his friend explained that he found it comforting to empty his thoughts of everything else while focused on the book. In the present, SeokJin wonders how he forgot how much books mean to NamJoon. He sacrifices some of his food and transportation budget to afford them, but they enable him “to endure the weight of the world he’s forced to bear on his shoulders.” After realizing this, SeokJin wants to apologize for carelessly sympathizing with the reality that NamJoon has weathered alone.

The next episode is from NamJoon’s perspective, revealing his excitement over being able to purchase a book for the first time in two months. He wants to buy two but can only afford one. The employee at the register sighs and asks why he leafed through a book he wasn’t going to buy. NamJoon apologizes, and she mutters, “So dirty.” He notices his reflection, clothes worn and smelling of gasoline, and realizes she’s talking about him, not the book. He tries to shake off these depressing thoughts, but he is still not accustomed to this treatment despite experiencing it regularly at work. As NamJoon begins to exit the store, the security alarm goes off. The employees demand to check his bag despite his insistence that he didn’t steal anything. Their certainty of his theft angers him. NamJoon allows them to look through his bag, and they are suspicious of the like-new book in it which he brought from home. One begins to call the police until SeokJin appears, vouching for NamJoon by saying he saw everything. The employees accept that the alarm malfunctioned and excuse their suspicions as a mistake.

Outside, SeokJin asks NamJoon if he is all right. NamJoon is thankful but wonders how SeokJin materialized right when he needed him. “How’d you find me here?” he asks aloud. SeokJin explains that he happened to notice him while walking through the neighborhood. NamJoon wonders if it’s because they said goodbye on a weird note last time. He thanks him and turns to leave. SeokJin calls after him. “I’m sorry. I wanted to apologize. I didn’t mean to upset you that day at the gas station. It was a mistake to have called you pitiful. If my rash actions hurt you, I’m really sorry.” NamJoon accepts his apology, believing it to be sincere, and says that things would have turned out a lot worse if SeokJin had not intervened. Thunder rolls overhead, and NamJoon uses the impending rain as his excuse to depart. He declines SeokJin’s offer of a ride and runs home, feeling his friend’s eyes on him.

Before he can settle down to read at home, NamJoon receives a call from his cheerful mother. She thanks him for paying off the entire hospital bill. NamJoon is perplexed and asks what’s on the receipt, since he didn’t pay it. His mother wants to leave it be, but he insists that they investigate so they don’t get in trouble or sued. She reads that the Songho Foundation is credited as the payer. NamJoon calls the hospital, introducing himself as the guardian for Kim YoungMin, but they can’t transfer him to the administrative department at this time. Disappointed, he looks up the foundation’s website, unable to recall why it sounds familiar. He wonders why a scholarship foundation in the city would get involved with him. Spotting photos of a recent launch ceremony on the site, he recognizes a few people: Songju High School’s principal, the familiar-looking face of the foundation’s chairman, and SeokJin. First, NamJoon forces a laugh, and then it’s difficult for him to breathe. He thinks that SeokJin really had pitied him at that moment. The only thing keeping NamJoon going is the idea of getting through life on his own strength. Why does he have to live like this?

The last episode opens on 5 May back in SeokJin’s perspective. He is confident now that he has saved NamJoon, although it occurs to him that a better alternative may have been to simply pick up the money himself instead of stepping forward. (This decision is enacted in a later loop and depicted in the Euphoria MV.) While reflecting on what comes next to save his other friends, he receives a text from NamJoon. “What’s your account number? I’ll pay you back for the hospital bills. I don’t need your help. I’ll handle my concerns on my own.” Heart sinking, SeokJin wonders how he found out. With a sense of foreboding, he tries calling NamJoon, but no one answers. SeokJin texts him back, pretending that he doesn’t understand, and tells NamJoon to call him. SeokJin’s second attempt connects while he’s gathering his car keys to visit the container. “That’s enough. Just send the account number over text,” NamJoon instructs. SeokJin coaxes him to talk for a moment, and NamJoon asks flatly, “Are you going to apologize again?” SeokJin attempts to salvage the situation, but his friend turns cold when he insists that NamJoon is misunderstanding and that he just wanted to help. “So, why? Why are you helping me?! Yeah, you’re always a good person. You’ve done nothing wrong and I’m the one misunderstanding.” SeokJin apologizes again. NamJoon refuses his request to meet in person. “No, I thought maybe there was a reason for everything you did… But I guess I misconstrued it. I’ll pay you back, so I’d prefer if you stopped contacting me.” Long after the call ends, SeokJin stands holding his phone, feeling that the glass is going to break at any moment. He wants to believe that it’s not over, but hope is slipping through his fingertips.

The episode finishes in NamJoon’s perspective. On 8 May and 9 May, he accepts part-time delivery work and reflects on his three jobs. Whenever he thinks he’s at his breaking point, he focuses on his new goal of returning SeokJin’s money. On 10 May, NamJoon wakes up to his buzzing phone and is called in to work. On a scooter, he passes by a bus stop and notices graffiti. (This is the same bus stop, with matching graffiti, that appears in the Highlight Reel.) Mesmerized, he wonders if it’s TaeHyung’s. As soon as NamJoon looks up, the scooter’s brake fails, and he crashes. The shattered glass on the cold pavement reminds him of the headlight shard and the kid who looked like TaeHyung. (So the piece of glass SeokJin saw in April was really a memento NamJoon retrieved from the scene of the crash in the mountain town, where the delivery boy whom he privately called TaeHyung died. This event is described in NamJoon’s 17 December Year 21 entry in The Notes 1.) NamJoon’s vision grows blurry, and the distant sound of an ambulance doesn’t come any closer.

The arc concludes there, but it obviously marks another reset for SeokJin. It is interesting to note that in this failed loop, NamJoon suffers the same fate that he narrowly avoided in the snowy mountain town before returning to Songju.

Please stay tuned for the next Highlights post featuring JungKook and YoonGi!

#armiesnet #networkbangtan #bangtanarmynet #armysource #dailybangtan #bts universe #hyyh #bangtan universe #bts universe story #bts universe story highlights #seokjin #namjoon #namjin #bts theories

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just-slightly-unhinged · 3 years ago

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I posted 3,230 times in 2021

10 posts created (0%)

3220 posts reblogged (100%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 322.0 posts.

I added 930 tags in 2021

#genshin - 464 posts

#mood - 243 posts

#kaeya <3 - 45 posts

#i stand by this - 36 posts

#childe - 27 posts

#bo - 27 posts

#the way we're literally making a project about this lmfaoooo - 26 posts

#dsmp - 24 posts

#mxtx - 19 posts

#kokomi - 19 posts

Longest Tag: 110 characters

#i don’t get why karl would call him a murderer if he literally agreed to the plan and knew the consequences???

My Top Posts in 2021

Just watched the fruits basket episode, a part of me internally died when I saw the ground crumble and her fall ;-;. And yay, kiss scene, though idk if tohru’s actually going to remember it after she wakes up. Akito did a complete 180 in this ep, but it wasn’t out of place at all. Just shows how great the writing of this show is. Brb, going to cry for the next ten minutes

6 notes • Posted 2021-06-01 20:55:16 GMT

just realized that if im reading heatwaves after testing, it’s going to be in june😬can feel the feels already

8 notes • Posted 2021-06-01 20:01:59 GMT

tag masterlist

ill edit this as i remember ig

also my picrew side blog: @sleepyfanatic

FYI MOST LINKS ARENT FUNCTIONAL ATM

genshin

- kaeya

- kokomi

- childe(wip)

- kazuha(wip)

- ganyu(wip)

-chaeya(wip)

mood

<3 (interactions I have with people on site sorta thing)

i stand by this

;-;(wip)

umm ok then op

bi tings(wip)

intp(wip)

yea im calling myself out(wip)

9 notes • Posted 2021-09-26 19:45:32 GMT

ok ok here’s the thing

While I’m stoked that Ajax’s getting a rerun again(major childe simp here who lost the 50/50 twice ;-;), i’m so worried that they’re going to do something horrible to him.

SPOILERS

Literally they killed off their first character Signora, like there’s no way she’s coming back based on how they showed the scene. Not to mention it’s canon now that Delusions cause accelerated aging and suck life force energy? Like people literally died using these, and while I could argue that there’s just a difference between Ajax and these other people just because Childe’s been trained with his and might have some sort of way to stop or limit the effects(not completely tho, as we’ve seen from his story quest).

So yeah, I’m really just hoping this is Mihoyo being biased for once or putting him there since his first few banners were overshadowed by the archons causing him to lose sales.

Because if he gets killed off, fuck this game lol

But then again, Kazuha also had a bunch of death flags but he’s fine? I think all playable characters should be fine hopefully, otherwise it makes no sense lol

Welp, here’s to hoping for the best

13 notes • Posted 2021-10-03 18:07:32 GMT

ok, i was really confused by the ending of the latest story quest. While i do appreciate smug albedo, that last scene in mondstat, was that really him? or was it another subject? Three things that make me think this:

1) Why would Albedo joke about the gardener thing when that was a serious moment traveler and him were having? In the traveler’s canon thoughts itself, they were really confused because Albedo made it seem like it wasn’t a big deal anymore.

2) The star shape on his neck wasn’t there originally, but it was suddenly there? Maybe Subject 2 learned abt the one thing Traveler could use to differentiate between the real Albedo and imposter and then replicated that as well. We know that Subject 2 was highly intelligent as well so I could definitely see that as being a possibility.

3) The smugness in general. Look, I love it when characters are being smug, but it’s so out of character for Albedo. Subject 2 on the other hand, was way more cheerful and tbh matches the Albedo we saw at Mondstat.

So all i’m saying is, I really don’t think that’s Albedo, but I might be overthinking all of this ahaha. I’m definitely looking forward to seeing what happens with that storyline. Other than that, AHHHHH we got so much Albedo content, very happy rn :DD This was definitely one of my favorite events for sure.

34 notes • Posted 2021-12-05 08:34:05 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #cool!

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lunarity2013 · 6 years ago

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PostwickShip Fic Ideas

So I beat the main game of Pokémon Sword this past weekend, and I have been COMPLETELY obsessed with this adorable ship — to the point where I have been writing down all these ideas for a fic for it, and I just really needed to put the words to paper (or google doc, I guess) and share them! @kuumamochi - here ya go!

So quick note, I changed their ages so she, Hop, Bede, and Marnie are all around 16 instead of 10-12, and I actually made an OC for this to use instead of the base Gloria/Yuuri, so first some little details about her!

OC: Elizabeth

Called: Lizzie

Age: 16 (birthday - Spring)

Hair: long, caramel blonde; usually tied back into to twin braids with side-swept bangs

Eyes: large, round, icy blue eyes (get darker closer to the center)

Height: 4′11″

Weight: 115 lbs

Starter: Sobble (nicknamed “Darcy”, like from Pride and Prejudice)

Likes: strawberries, hydrangeas, warm blankets, and a good book

Dislikes: meat (she’s vegetarian), scary stories, snow, and sports

Favorite Pokemon Types: Fairy and Grass

Typical Outfit/Style: knit beret, striped shirt, short skirt, hoodie, thigh-high socks, and ankle boots

Personality: shy, a bit oversensitive as a child, easily upset by harsh words or by bullies, slowly grows out of it and comes out of her shell as she grows up with Hop; always felt like a “damsel in distress” when Hop would stand up to bullies for her, and wants to be the one to stand up for him for once; always thinks before opening her mouth, sometimes for too long and misses her chance to speak in a conversation

Family:

Mom: Sara

energetic, but soft-spoken; worked as a journalist in Hammerlocke for years before meeting Lizzie’s father, and moving to Postwick to become a mother and an online journalist

brown hair, blue eyes, 5′0″

Pokemon: Budew, Munchlax

Dad: Dimitri (deceased)

shy, very calm; prefered books to people in most cases; was working as a low-ranking police officer (alongside many cousins named Jenny) in Hammerlocke when he met Sara; later moved with her to Postwick and became a small-town detective

Died of illness when Lizzie was 7

blond hair, purple eyes, 6′0″

Pokemon: Pikachu “Zeus”

Aunt: Carol

Her late dad’s older sister

Lives in Ballonlea, working as a teacher

blonde hair, purple eyes, 5′4″

Pokemon: Cutiefly “Zipper”, Ponyta “Magi”, and Clefairy “Momo”

Grandpa: Phillip

Her mom’s dad

Former Dark-Type gym leader before Piers (his eldest grandchild)

Currently retired and living in Spikemuth

Pokemon: Obstagoon, Thievul, Grimmsnarl, Phantump, Skuntank

Cousins: Marnie and Piers

Their mother is Lizzie’s mom’s younger sister

She was also the Dark-Type gym leader for several years until Piers took over

History with Hop:

Grew up with Hop for as long as either can remember

It was always the two of them against the world

Hop protected her from bullies

Lizzie patched him up when things got “too real”

Always figured they’d be together forever, no matter what

Leon gave Hop his first Pokemon (Wooloo) right before he left on his Pokemon journey

Lizzie was a little jealous and wanted one too

Leon said he could catch her one, but then Hop one-upped him and said he’d find her a shiny Wooloo instead

Lizzie agreed to let Hop find one, and hasn’t tried to catch one until he finds her a shiny Wooloo

It’s been six years since this, and he’s still looking

Lizzie realized she had a crush on Hop when he came over to cheer her up after being stood up for a date at age 13

They watched Pokemon league matches while eating ice cream until they finally passed out on the floor at about 3am

Hop turned 16 first, and should have been the first to go on his Pokemon journey, but insisted on staying another six months until Lizzie’s birthday so that they could go on their journey together

Hop realizes he might have a crush on her right before they start their journey, when they both reach for the Wishing Stones

He sees her eyes light up in the stones’ glow, and gets the “oh no, emotions” feeling in his gut

Their Journey Begins:

Lizzie gets her Sobble because it reminds her of her childhood self

She wants to be for Sobble what Hop was for her

She names him Darcy, after the character in her favorite book

Hop is only a little jealous she named her first Pokemon after the love interest to the character that shares her name (No, Liz, I didn’t read it, you just talk about it all the time and I can’t escape it!)

In the Slumbering Weald, they get separated in the fog, and have to try and find each other as well as the lost Wooloo

They don’t see the sword or shield Pokemon until they find each other again, holding hands to not get lost again

They’re still holding hands when they wake up after passing out in the fog

Lizzie’s second Pokemon and Hop’s third Pokemon are a pair of Rookidee, who they help out and that choose to stay with them

The two bird Pokemon bicker like an old married couple half the time they’re together, but cuddle and coo at each other and hate to be apart for too long

Hop, oblivious: “Look, they’re just like us! Best friends who can’t be kept apart!”

Lizzie: *facepalm*

They travel together all the way to Motosoke, camping together in the Wild Area

Lizzie teaches Hop how to cook, so as not to starve or poison any of his Pokemon or himself

His Pokemon are forever grateful

After opening ceremonies, they take on different gyms

Lizzie starts with Milo’s, while Hop takes on Nessa’s first, then they switch and meet back up in Motosoke for Kabu’s badge challenge

This starts as the longest either of them have ever been apart, and they’re both nervous while putting on a brave front

Just about every battle they’ve ever had has either ended in a draw, or been cut off by something

They don’t find out who is the “stronger trainer” of the two until the Semi-Finals

***

I think I’m gonna stop here for now, let me know if anyone wants to see more! I’ll post a link if I end up writing a whole drawn-out fic for this concept!

Note: please ignore any spelling/grammar errors, I used my computer to type these and it’s kind of shit.

#postwickshipping #pokemon sword and shield #pokemon #pokemon sword #pokemon shield #hop #gloria/yuuri #leon #marnie #bede

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uwunnie · 5 years ago

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Updates (December 17, 6:30 PM US Mountain Time)

There’s a lot to unpack, so let’s get into it.

Voting:

Seoul Music Awards

Android link

Apple link

3 votes daily

Voting ends January 22, 2020

Global Disk Awards

App link

3 daily votes & 2 additional votes if you share the link (there’s full instructions on the link)

Voting ends December 27, 2019

Global Golden Hands (fan-video for Wonho)

Stream the video

There’s also a poll on their YouTube channel page, I think, but I can’t pull it up from my app right now.

Voting ends December 20, 2019

HoneyPop Artist of the Year

Vote here

Twitter: #VoteTHPMonstaX

Voting ends December 20, 2019 - 11:59 PM EST

Idol Champ (Best Song)

Download app

I think you get 30 votes per day

This ends today, but I’m pretty sure there’s always new categories to vote in.

Streaming:

Middle of the Night

Follow and Someone’s Someone on Spotify (Spotify Awards)

Follow performance (MAMA 2019)

Forever & Never Die (MAMA 2019)

MX Moments (MAMA 2019)

⚠️ Remember to not skip ads nor put the videos on the mute. Do not replay otherwise the algorithm thinks you’re a bot. Watch the entire video - especially the mv - without pausing or skipping. Don’t play Spotify songs on loop, and listen to at least 30 seconds otherwise it won’t count. ⚠️

Twotuckgom videos:

I made a playlist of all the recent ttg videos. Please stream them! Minhyuk has mentioned that he wishes there were more views so that they could gain more publicity, so let’s stream them for him and all of OT7!

Playlist here.

Concerts:

Japanese MBB did the OT7 fan chant at MX’s most recent show in Japan.

At one of the recent shows, MBBs holding Wonho slogans and signs were encouraged by the boys to raise them higher.

If I’m correct, I believe Jooheon actually had a ment where he encouraged MBB to raise their signs up. He mentioned that the signs were very beautiful and that he wanted to see them and asked MBB to raise them up one more time. He didn’t specify exactly which signs, but it’s pretty easy to assume he was referring to the Wonho ones because of him mentioning he noticed MBB were hesitant to hold them up and MBB tweeting from that show explained how the ones holding Wonho signs were afraid of holding them up because they didn’t know if they could.

@joohoneybunch created an OT7 fan chant for their final jingle performance and I believe mbb used it

I think that may be it for concerts.

Appearances:

Going back a bit, Monsta X won two awards at MAMA 2019.

Fast-forwarding to more recent events, the active members went to the US for Jingle Ball and it wasn’t too chaotic.

Changkyun said Monsta Truck is about a truck for Monbebe that he wants us all to get on..sure, yeah, def.

When prompted to answer what MBB have taught MX, Minhyuk said ‘love,’ Hyungwon said ‘live,’ and Shownu said ‘dougie.’

They appeared on Ryan & Kelley.

Their B96 interviews are up!

Here’s a Spotify link, but I think there’s videos up on YouTube as well - especially their performances.

VLives were done.

Jooheon had fallen ill prior to coming to the US, but he’s since returned and informed everyone at the last US concert that he’s okay. In addition, at one of the recent shows, he said how MBB have been his strength for getting through his mental and physical sickness.

Back in SK, ISAC commenced and it was...chaotic good?

MX was two hours late - I presume because they had just flown in from America and went directly to ISAC.

MBBs attending ISAC fell asleep while waiting and one of the managers told them to wake up because it was “time to support.” 🥺

MBB said the food provided didn’t taste good.

Minhyuk told MBB to go home and rest.

MX only participated in the categories they had to - I think they were hoping to get banned tbh.

Despite their semi-obvious efforts to lose, MX ended up going to finals.

In addition, despite their efforts to lose and the fact that they had absolutely zero practice beforehand, arrived late, and just came back from the US with probably less than four hours of sleep - they won second place overall.

Hyungwon wore this shirt:

Kihyun basically dyed his hair blue after MBB talked about it on fc.

They’re aware of everything we’ve adopted and bought for them.

SBS/KBS:

The top two major news angencies played OT7 footage when talking about MX. This is very unusual, but a good sign because usually when an idol is terminated and/or no longer respected, they get blurred from footage or cropped out, but there was actually a Wonho focus throughout most of the broadcasts’ durations.

This could hint that the general public no longer views him negatively.

In addition to new merch for the active members, from my understanding, Twotuckgom has also restocked old Bebegom products, and continues putting a small BBG in the comics.

They also had one comic in particular that showcased one of the goms as a magician who is looking for the ‘rabbit in its hat.’ When it looks inside it’s hat, there’s another gom dresser as a bunny lifting weights with a little BBG hidden in the background. I don’t know about you, but to me that sounds like they’re finding Bebegom like we’re finding Wonho.

TTG’s Twitter also retweeted a rendition that a MBB made of the goms involved in the The Ugly Duckling (I think?) fairytale. Basically, Bebegom leaves because it doesn’t feel like it belongs and the other goms search everywhere until they find each other again.

There are projects going on, but I’m not going to post about any until I research them. There’s certain groups I do not support because their intentions are ill, but they hide behind a sort of..veil. When I get time to properly look into everything, I’ll make a post.

Searches have been cleared for the most part, but please continue a little bit more since some bad things still pop up when searching certain members.

Interesting things are happening with the 🐍🐍, but I’m not going to talk about it publicly. Maybe at some point I’ll release a post, but not until more info emerges.

In the meantime, please refrain from leaving negative comments on either of their social profiles. Don’t make posts, either - even if you think your profile is small enough that no one will see. Trust me, eyes are everywhere and a negative post on an account with so much as 0 followers will still pop up and travel like one for someone with 1000 followers.

I think this pretty much sums up what’s been happening as of late. Sorry for being slow - all of this occurred during finals, so I didn’t really have a lot of time to make long posts. Now that I’m on break for a month, I’ll catch up with the recaps and go back to the steady updates.

Continue with your efforts and try to ignore the hypocrites who continue spewing toxicity despite spreading positive mantras.

Honestly, Monbebes have accomplished a lot and made steps towards a positive change in both the industry and the world. In addition, at the end of the day, our goal isn’t to please other fandoms, but win justice for Wonho and other artists who have been wronged, as well as prevent the wrongdoings from incoming and current trainees.

Be proud of being part of the “sticky-note fandom” because regardless of other people’s opinions, we’re not only inspiring and demanding change, but succeeding in doing so.

#monsta x #wonho #shownu #minhyuk #kihyun #hyungwon #jooheon #changkyun #updates #monbebe #im #joohoney #my favorite thing about inserting 'read more' links from desktop is that all of the color coding i did on mobile disappears lol #anyways #i scheduled this to post at the wrong time so v sorry lol #i also didn't proof read so sorry if there's grammar errors lol i'm tired

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eponymous-rose · 6 years ago

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The Briarwood Arc: A Summary (with timestamps!)

With all the excitement over CR’s new Kickstarter stretch goals including an animated series covering the first campaign’s Briarwood Arc, I thought it might be handy to have a little reference for folks wanting to jump in at this point (which, as it happens, is a great jumping-in point for the first campaign). This arc is a fan-favorite because it really marks the starting point of a lot of the more serious character development in the show, while setting the standard for bringing a character’s backstory front-and-center into the main plotline. It also happens to contain a ton of especially cinematic moments.

If you just want to jump in now, the Briarwood Arc is generally considered to be episodes 24-36 of the first campaign. Be aware that earlier episodes contain the chat (often a bastion of complaints; a strategically placed post-it note on the screen goes a long way) and also a player who leaves the show permanently after episode 27 (more info here). While there are good moments and context provided earlier on, it actually works just fine to jump in on episode 28 as the start of the arc.

If you’d like a summary of the arc, complete with timestamped links to key moments, read on!

The Briarwood Arc is tied in with the backstory of Taliesin Jaffe’s character, named (deep breath) Percival Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III.

Before meeting up with Vox Machina, Percy spent most of his time inventing and tinkering. One night, the de Rolos took Lord Sylas and Lady Delilah Briarwood in at their castle in Whitestone, invited them to stay for dinner... and the Briarwoods promptly started killing everyone, with the help of some of those inside the castle. Percy’s younger sister Cassandra helped him escape the attack, but she was shot down in a hail of arrows, and Percy barely survived by jumping into a freezing river. Not long after that, Percy started having dreams where a cloud of black smoke demanded vengeance... at which point he promptly woke up and started designing his first gun.

He’s been traveling with the rest of the group for some time now, studiously ignoring what’s been going on in the north and mostly trying to keep a low profile.

Things start taking a turn when, in episode 14, the party has a meeting with Sovereign Uriel Tal’Dorei, one of their most powerful political allies. Uriel casually mentions the Briarwoods’ names in passing (1:02:49). Percy manages to rally from that moment of shock and takes Uriel aside to fish for more details (1:25:28); he requests that any further information about the Briarwoods be sent his way.

Radio silence ensues until the party returns to Emon in episode 23, when Seeker Asum Emring (Uriel’s spymaster) approaches Percy to let him know the Briarwoods are coming to town in a week for a feast in their honor, celebrating the opening of a new trade route with the northeast (3:04:45). Asum’s clever enough (and has by now had enough northbound spies “mysteriously retire”) to be suspicious of the Briarwoods and is determined to keep an eye on them.

The start of episode 24 has the party finally talking about all this as a group; Percy explains his past history with the Briarwoods (0:20:48), and reveals that his Pepperbox revolver has names scrawled across five of the six barrels: the Briarwoods, plus three individuals who’d helped them in their slaughter. He mentions that he’d already tried to confront one of the three, Dr. Anna Ripley, but that her guards threw him into prison before he could even get close enough to see her face, which is how he wound up in the jail cell where the party first met him. Vox Machina pledge their support (0:28:47) to a tearful Percy, and start preparing for this unknown confrontation with the Briarwoods.

The plan (such as it is) is to have Scanlan turn Vax invisible during the feast, so he can do some snooping around. Percy will enter the feast disguised as Vax, just in case he gets put in a position to be recognized. They’ll play it by ear from there, following Percy’s lead.

The party runs into Asum at the main gates, and he instantly sees through Percy’s disguise when he doesn’t quite manage an imitation of Vax’s voice. (2:49:30) Asum mentions that Vax should meet him in the foyer while the feast’s underway to help him out with his reconnaissance.

Vox Machina watch as the Briarwoods make their appearance (2:59:10); they seem extremely self-possessed and charming, and a very tense dinner ensues. In the suspense, Vax completely forgets about going to reconnoiter with Asum, and then decides to follow the Briarwoods to their room at the end of the night to see what he can find out (3:39:00). After dispatching their guards, he opens the door to their chamber... only to see both of them looking directly at him. (3:43:10).

Episode 25 picks up after that cliffhanger, with an increasingly desperate Vax trying to talk his way out of the room (0:14:00). Sylas reveals himself to be a vampire, and he and Delilah attack. Vax manages to jump out a window and yell a warning to the rest of the group through the Earring of Whisper, but soon finds himself bleeding out alone at the Briarwoods’ feet (0:39:15). The rest of the party arrives in the courtyard just in the nick of time (complete with a legendary couple of rolls from Vex - 0:58:48) to rescue Vax from the brink of death, and to pull a baffled Asum out of the effects of a charm spell. In the battle, Vex is nearly killed in one shot by a particularly powerful spell from Delilah.

During the confrontation, the Briarwoods recognize Percy (1:16:38). They attempt to flee via carriage, then successfully flee via magic, but invite Percy and the rest of the party to join them in Whitestone, casually mentioning that it would be nice for him to visit his family once in a while (1:52:50).

Frustrated by the Briarwoods’ departure, Percy brutally interrogates the Briarwoods’ carriage driver, a terrified young man named Desmond (1:55:10). The party decides to lock Desmond up in their keep, mainly for his own protection. On a little side venture to help out Lillith, an ally who emerged unexpectedly during the fight, Percy snaps and completely annihilates a baddie (3:06:15), which understandably worries the group even more.

Unfortunately, after this big Percy-centric episode, Taliesin unfortunately is too ill to participate in episode 26, and Percy spends it working feverishly in his laboratory. For the rest of Vox Machina, the order of the day is having to explain to Uriel Tal’Dorei why they attacked important allies out of nowhere, which doesn’t go over super well (0:39:31). Asum reveals to the group that he’s keeping an eye on things and is trying to act like he’s still under the Briarwoods’ charm. In a frustrated attempt to improve their image by helping out some farmers, shit gets a little weird for Vox Machina (2:34:38).

Episode 27 opens with Percy waking up from a horrific nightmare about his family being slaughtered... that promptly takes form when he goes to check on Desmond and finds him being strangled by an invisible presence in the cells (0:17:07). Luckily, with Trinket’s help (and the rest of Vox Machina returning home at an opportune time), Desmond is saved and the ghostly presence is defeated, but it’s clear that there’s only one way forward: the party starts on the road to Whitestone.

In episode 28, after battling a behir along the way, the party arrives in Whitestone and cautiously scopes it out to find a city composed of an exhausted, downtrodden populace working in fear of the “new nobles” (1:39:00), with zombified giants patrolling the streets. The party’s plan right now centers around the city’s central symbol of hope: if they can bring the Sun Tree, a holy tree to the sun god Pelor in the town square, back to its earlier splendor, they hope to be able to thwart this vampiric assault on the city.

Unfortunately, as they get closer, they realize the Sun Tree has become a gallows. And the bodies are a very specific message. (2:39:13)

From an underground hideout, Keyleth uses her druidic abilities to attempt to commune with the Sun Tree, but discovers that it is, in fact, dead (2:54:05). Welcome to Whitestone.

Episode 29 starts with Keyleth attempting to resurrect the Sun Tree (and Travis and Laura battling traffic to get to the show), while Percy, Scanlan, and Vax check out a temple Percy remembers from his youth, the Zenith (0:26:27). This is the start of Vox Machina’s epic battle against doors, as it takes the three of them multiple spells and half an hour in real time to defeat... an unlocked door.

Once inside, they find the remains of Father Reynal and square off with a banshee that nearly kills Percy twice before Scanlan manages to finish it off (1:07:45). They discover that this temple has become a laboratory for someone who lost their hand attempting to replicate Percy’s firearm technology. At Percy’s request, Vax carves the de Rolo family crest into the altar, along with “Pelor lives in Whitestone”.

The party reconvenes and decides on the next course of action: attacking one of the “new nobles” of the town, one of the names on Percy’s List. Kerrion Stonefell. The party spends the night in their underground hideout, and Percy emphatically Does Not sleep well (1:29:45).

Before scoping out Stonefell’s mansion, the party decides to sow some seeds of rebellion in the city and chats with Keeper Yennen, a religious leader in the city, at his temple, the Lady’s Chamber. Percy doesn’t outright reveal his identity (the party’s been proceeding in disguise), but makes ambiguous statements that pique Yennen’s interest (2:04:30).

The party proceeds to Stonefell’s mansion and manages to infiltrate completely successfully, surprising Stonefell and launching into a vicious battle with perfect timing before he can set up his defenses (2:31:40). When Stonefell sees Percy’s weapon, he’s immediately confused and utters, “Ripley?”, revealing her to be the one who has been experimenting on Percy’s technology. Throughout the battle, dark smoke begins pouring from Percy’s body, and things get decidedly creepy as he dons a bird-faced mask to make the final blow on Stonefell (3:21:55). He promptly huddles in a corner of the room and tries to carve Stonefell’s name off his Pepperbox.

Meanwhile, the rest of the party brings around Vouk, Stonefell’s lieutenant. They try to get some information from him, and Vouk offers to take them to the Briarwoods’ “project room” below the castle in exchange for his life, which they decide isn’t very valuable information and is more likely a trap. Percy, coming out of his stupor as he discovers that Stonefell’s name has actually vanished from his gun, decides it’s best to set Vouk free, on the condition that he is marked and his tongue taken. Grog is only too happy to oblige, and Percy brands him with his gun (3:45:17). Grog and Scanlan are on board with this violence. The half-elves (Keyleth and the twins) are getting increasingly unnerved. The party carries the survivors out of the building, and Keyleth lights the mansion on fire once they’re out.

Episode 30 (which features everyone’s Halloween costumes) begins with a much-needed heart-to-heart among Vox Machina in their underground hideout about the nature of morality and trust (0:16:30). Their sleep that night is interrupted by a vampire attack that is in part thwarted by... Scanlan pissing on one, because running water (1:00:45). Even after the party relocates away from directly under the Sun Tree for the rest of the night, Percy has another restless night’s sleep, awakening with an even more heightened sense of corruption and sadism (1:31:08).

The party meets up with Jordana Whisk, the daughter of Simon, an enchanter Percy once knew who’s now working in the castle for the Briarwoods. They reveal that Percy is alive, although he can’t drop his illusion in front of her; she gives them some supplies and recommends they return to the Lady’s Chamber to speak further with Keeper Yennen. They do so, and wind up in a private conversation with Yennen and Percy’s father’s former chancellor, Archibald Desnay.

In front of these two allies, Percy finally reveals his true identity (2:35:20). But there’s another bombshell ready to drop: Archibald reveals that Percy’s sister Cassandra is alive, and has been secretly helping with the rebellion from her seat in the castle.

The party splits up past this point; there are three more nobles’ mansions remaining, so the party sends Scanlan alone to one to create a distraction while they attack another, leaving the fourth mansion for last. Scanlan... promptly turns into a triceratops (2:58:45).

Episode 31 opens with a truly epic segment in which Scanlan, working alone, just... annihilates the mansion through an increasingly bizarre sequence of events (0:14:55). It’s a glorious and surreal half-hour that culminates with the goliath Duke Goran Vedmire, one of the Briarwoods’ allies, getting thrown off a flaming rooftop in the middle of a thunderstorm. As you do.

The rest of Vox Machina, meanwhile, attacks Count Tylieri’s mansion, and discover the Count to be a vampire. Not to be outdone, Trinket rips off his head in the battle that ensues (1:32:00). The party starts interrogating a surviving guard, but when they discover that these guards were responsible for killing the people strung up on the Sun Tree, including a child, Vax slits his throat (2:07:55). Vex, meanwhile, confronts Percy, who still has smoke swirling around his ankles (2:11:32).

Once again, Keyleth burns down the mansion, and as the party reunites, they find people rising up in the streets, townsfolk beginning to hack down the zombie giants. This, it seems, is a point of no return: the rebellion has begun. Vox Machina make their way to the Sun Tree, where they find that the bodies have been cut down. In the midst of the storm, though, they see dozens, hundreds of skeletons approaching; the Briarwoods’ answer to the nascent rebellion (0:49:47).

Episode 32 opens with the unexpected return of a friend in spectral form: Pike crashes into the battle and starts annihilating skeletons (0:24:55), doing what a cleric does best. The party then splits into two groups to help the townsfolk deal with the remaining zombie giants. These dispatched, they regroup and learn that Pike’s been having visions of Whitestone, particularly of Percy; thanks to her goddess Sarenrae’s aid, she’s been sent in this spectral form to assist the party.

Heartened by the return of their friend, the party starts toward the castle itself. They find the hidden passage Percy and Cassandra used to escape during the attack and start in toward the castle. Very conscious of her friends’ concerns, alongside her own, Pike casts a restoration spell on Percy, who isn’t completely recovered, but seems a little less shaky (2:32:30).

Resting for the night in the tunnel, Percy and Vax have a heart-to-heart (2:42:45). Percy dreams again that night, this time hearing an ominous voice: “Don’t forget our deal.” (2:47:10)

Moving ahead the next day, the party emerges into the castle’s dungeons, where they find an old woman locked in a cell. After some awkward questioning, the group decides it’s probably best to come back for her later. At the old woman’s insistence, Vex pretends to try to pick the lock, and when she messes it up, the woman grabs her with both hands... except she doesn’t, because one of her hands is an illusion (3:32:40). Vex remembers that Anna Ripley lost a hand trying to reproduce Percy’s technology.

Coming off that realization, episode 33 begins with Vex revealing what she just figured out to the party (0:14:55). Keyleth dispels the woman’s illusion, revealing Anna Ripley, who immediately wants to join the party in taking the Briarwoods down. She explains that she helped the Briarwoods kill the de Rolos and seize power five years ago, but was just brought in to help out with some sort of mysterious construction project under the castle. When the work was finished, she claims, the Briarwoods were finished with her and locked her up to languish in the cell. Percy, bolstered by magical means, convinces her to lead them to Cassandra and further demands that she tell them how to find Professor Anders, his former teacher who turned on the family in the attack (Anders, Ripley, and the Briarwoods are the remaining names on the barrels of Percy’s gun).

When Percy reveals his identity to her, Ripley is frightened, but also unabashedly delighted (0:31:45). Unfortunately, around this time, Pike’s astral form dissipates.

The party, shaken and uneasy, allows Ripley to lead them to her chambers to get some of her things. Ripley reveals her latest project: a firearm she’s created based on Percy’s designs, working based off secondhand accounts. The party confiscates that, as well as a few potions, but lets her keep her armor in case of trouble.

They continue on to Cassandra’s chambers, where they find correspondence with Archibald Desnay about the ins and outs of several failed rebellion attempts. Percy starts to get impatient that they still haven’t found Cassandra (1:06:30). Ripley reveals a little more information: the Briarwoods have been working on some sort of distillery, used to melt down and focus the eponymous whitestone found in the region into “residuum”, which has powerful magical properties. The Briarwoods are using this residuum to do something with an old Ziggurat located beneath the castle, but she knows nothing more about that side of it beyond that it involves some third party. She hazards a guess that the Ziggurat is located right underneath the Sun Tree itself.

When the party expresses an interest in skipping over Anders and going straight for the Briarwoods, Ripley starts baiting Percy, reminding him that Anders was his sister’s keeper, and convinces him to go after Anders instead (1:11:55). Vex, frustrated and keeping an arrow nocked at Ripley’s throat, tells Vax to sneak ahead and check out the study.

As Vax gets close to the study, he sees a frantic-looking Anders holding a knife to Cassandra’s throat. As Vax jumps in to intervene, Cassandra calls out that it’s a trap (1:19:46). Anders promptly slits her throat. The rest of the party hastens to catch up, with Vex tasking Trinket to hang on to Ripley. Keyleth heals a very confused Cassandra (a detail the party misses: when Cassandra is healed, there’s suddenly no more blood on her skin or clothing). Grog gets caught in a Dominate Person spell and is ordered to kill Vax, which he nearly succeeds in doing; a couple more hits from magically animated suits of armor take Vax near to death, but Keyleth and Vex bring him back from the brink.

Meanwhile, Percy, bird-shaped mask concealing his face, wreathed once again in black smoke, confronts Anders (2:00:00). It does not end well for the professor. Anders’ name flares and vanishes from the barrel of Percy’s gun. Vex grabs Percy by the hand and tells him to take off the mask (2:09:15).

When the last enemies are dispatched, the party realizes that Ripley’s making an escape; Grog, Scanlan, and Trinket nearly catch up with her, but she uses magic to evade capture and disappears. A badly shaken Vax approaches Keyleth: “You know I’m in love with you, right?” (0:04:00)

Percy castigates and then thanks Vax for his rash action, then turns to Cassandra for the first time in five years. “...hi.” (0:17:57) Cassandra reveals that the Briarwoods took her in after the arrows felled her, healed her, and set her up as a caged figurehead in the castle to earn them legitimacy. They talk about the Briarwoods’ plans, and Cassandra insists that she’ll be accompanying the group, wearing her mother’s armor, especially since she’s been working against the Briarwoods by aiding rebellions for so long. She and Percy have a great little sibling moment (0:21:30). On their way down into the cellars of the castle, Cassandra reveals that Delilah isn’t a vampire like Sylas, but is instead an extremely powerful human necromancer. The two of them speak frequently of this third party, “The Whispered One”.

The party fights spirits of the de Rolo’s ancestors on their way down; one ghost comes very close to killing Percy outright. Scanlan heals him, then literally mocks the ghost to death... again. (1:59:30)

Episode 34 has the party at a crossroads, with one path leading toward the acid pits used in the residuum distillation process (Pike has also returned, in spectral form). The party finds a bronze room with several small gemstones built into the floor. After some experimentation, with each member of the party touching a gemstone, Cassandra finds a gemstone next to a door nearby and touches it... and two large walls of green glass slam down, trapping Vox Machina in the room.

Behind Cassandra, the Briarwoods walk through the door. Vax immediately notices a placard behind them and uses his magical cloak to teleport to it, slamming one hand on the button. The Briarwoods are amused as the button, horrifically, causes acid to be pumped into the room containing the rest of Vox Machina... (1:19:14). Lord Briarwood promptly uses charm magic to pull Vax to their side, and they bring him with them as they leave Vox Machina to be dissolved.

And Cassandra? Cassandra confronts Percy through the glass: “Your sister left us the day those arrows found my chest. She did not die from those wounds, but to watch you leave me there in the snow. I have a new family. I am a Briarwood, and I have a destiny with the Whispered One.” (1:26:40)

Once Vox Machina have been left alone, Pike notices that the acid melts whitestone, and that the ceiling of this room is made of whitestone. Using a flying potion confiscated from Ripley, Vex manages to turn the tubes delivering the acid so they burn an escape route into the ceiling.

As the party begins to trail after the Briarwoods, Cassandra, and Vax, Percy realizes that there’s a new name on the previously blank barrel of his gun: Cassandra de Rolo. (2:07:42)

The party manages to surprise the Briarwoods on the stairs leading up to the top of the ziggurat, and the fight begins in earnest. In the fray, Vax manages to break out of the charm spell, and while Cassandra begins the fight on the Briarwoods’ side, she eventually drops her sword, torn and uncertain. Keyleth nearly annihilates Sylas with a couple of well-placed Sunbeam spells, and Scanlan thwarts Delilah’s attempt to teleport him to safety with a Counterspell.

Percy manages to shoot Delilah, but Cassandra runs to her with a healing potion. Keyleth and Pike take that moment to destroy Sylas Briarwood once and for all. (3:44:46)

Delilah is devastated. “You can’t... I broke the world for us! No...” (3:47:11) She uses short-range teleportation to get out of the immediate line of fire. Vax and Grog knock out Cassandra and tie her up, to confront later.

Still able to fly thanks to the potion she took earlier, Vex gets a bird’s-eye view of the inside of the ziggurat: a room with the shape of a hand carved into the floor. Delilah’s standing at the center of it, reading some sort of scroll.

The party jumps into action, taking shots at Delilah from the top of the wall into the room, but she’s focused on her spell and splashes some of her own blood on a black orb in the center of the room.

The orb starts to spin. (4:04:30) All around Delilah, the walls are covered in a tapestry of hundreds of dead bodies, each missing their left hand and/or left eye, and they begin to writhe.

Vex, still flying, dives down to try to get the orb out of there. Delilah turns and casts the same spell on her she did back in episode 25: Finger of Death. (4:13:49) Vex comes within 1 HP of being permanently killed by the spell.

Delilah turns back to the orb, which spins faster and faster... and suddenly flashes, in an instant, down to the size of a dime. Her terrified anticipation turns to horror. “It can’t be too soon.”

The writhing walls stop. In fact, all magic within the ziggurat stops... including Vex’s flying spell. (4:16:40) She hits the ground with enough force to knock her out, and it takes the frantic party a moment to realize that they can’t heal her with magic, and she’s now bleeding out. Percy shoots Delilah, but manages not to kill her outright, instead shooting off her arm. Fortunately, Vex stabilizes on her own.

A terrified Vax stays with his sister while the rest of the party drags the unconscious Lady Briarwood away. Keyleth stays behind, experimentally poking a piece of residuum glass into the orb... and promptly takes a massive amount of damage and is nearly sucked into it (4:33:21). Vax realizes she stayed behind and runs back toward her... but she recognizes that her initial plan of collapsing the ziggurat isn’t going to work if she can’t use magic. The party flees.

Episode 35 starts with Vex being revived and healed outside the antimagic effect of the orb. A dazed, exhausted, and overwhelmed Cassandra explains her part in all this: the Briarwoods didn’t just keep her around for legitimacy, they kept her around to find out about and quash rebellions like the ones that Archibald attempted. (0:40:38) She finally makes eye contact with Percy, realizing that even with the (magically and non-magically) charming influence of the Briarwoods and her fury and fear at how Percy left her for dead, her family deserves to be avenged.

The familiar black smoke begins to billow out of Percy’s sleeves, and the smoke entity that’s been speaking to him begins demanding revenge. (0:41:30) Percy points the gun at Lady Briarwood’s head and demands that the entity take Cassandra’s name off the gun. “Did I even want revenge before I talked to you?”

The party’s very unnerved by this entire conversation, especially considering they can only hear Percy’s side of it and they see him occasionally putting the gun to his own head. Percy fires the gun at Lady Briarwood’s hand, revealing that the gun was broken in the fight. “I’m not satisfied. I want my money back.” The entity tries something, but Percy shrugs it off.

Lady Briarwood regains consciousness and Percy demands answers, creating the illusion of Sylas’ death to torment her (0:46:00). Delilah, boiling with fury, just mutters that the Whispered One gave her Sylas back, and Percy took him from her again. The group knocks her out again.

Pike and Scanlan recall some information about the Whispered One: it’s a phrase used to refer to the name “Vecna”, a powerful archlich, who once, hundreds and hundreds of years ago, tried to ascend to godhood and was halted in that process.

As the conversation continues, Percy begins to reach for his rifle, but pushes away the urge, and actually manages to expel the strange smoke creature from his body (0:59:19). The party very literally battles Percy’s demon, and Grog and Trinket manage to destroy it (2:02:05). A little remnant of darkness remains in Percy, but the creature is destroyed.

Percy defers to Cassandra when it comes to executing Delilah (2:03:50). Cassandra stabs her. “You took them away from me. And now we’re taking everything away from you.”

The party walks back past the acid pits. As they do, Scanlan uses magic to convince Percy to hand him his gun, the Pepperbox, and promptly throws it into the acid (0:05:26). That last little nugget of darkness in Percy’s chest vanishes as the gun is melted. Percy is somewhat more alarmed at how expensive the gun will be to replace.

Vox Machina emerge back into the city of Whitestone, where the townsfolk have gathered up the last of the Briarwoods’ powerful allies (minus Ripley, who is nowhere to be seen). Grog executes a Countess Jazna Grebin, but Vedmire (who survived his fall off the building) is kept alive, in keeping with Percy’s determination that Whitestone is now a city of mercy. Vox Machina also discreetly let some people know about the horrific scene below the castle, and start gathering people to study the orb and its antimagic effects.

Keyleth goes to check on the Sun Tree, and determines that the tree isn’t so much dead as dormant, and is now starting to awaken again. Vax finds her there, and after some awkwardness (mostly out-of-character flailing by the rest of the group), tells her that he’ll give her all the time she needs to process his confession: “If you’ll have me, I’m yours.” (0:59:14)

The sun finally sets on a clear night in Whitestone, and the rebuilding begins. (1:05:34)

(Episode 36, you ask? Episode 36 is Whitestone celebrating its first Winter’s Crest Festival in a very, very long time.)

#critical role #critical role spoilers #long text post

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resonanteye · 5 years ago

Photo

via http://resonanteye.net/current-events-condensed/

current events; condensed

A condensed post including short writings on current events.

CONSPIRACIES ARE NOT SECRET IN THIS CENTURY

open up? conspiracies? here’s the real one.

if They want to “cull the weak” and control us better, what better way than to present a false choice between going back to work and risking lives, or slowly going broke at home?

it’s a false choice. there are hoarders, greedy fucks holding money they’re not entitled to, billions. enough for everything to be covered. hell, the Pentagon LOST enough money to pay EVERYONE’S rent and mortgage for the best six months. LOST IT.

The conspiracy? PRETEND THAT MONEY ISN’T THERE. force people to fight over scraps, pretend there are only two options. don’t let people come together and agree that TOO MUCH MONEY IS IN TOO FEW HANDS, because that might mean we can beat this thing.

unity among the poor? PREVENT AT ALL COSTS. if you kill a few hundred thousand people in the process, fuck it. that doesn’t matter to Them. They want to keep their grip on power, forcing us to behave like serfs working at their pleasure, dying for their capital gains. Living in their damn bunkers.

There is more than these two choices, don’t let them suck you in. the current garbage video circulating is MORE OF THEIR SHIT. it’s part of this. it’s not “secret info” or “exposing an evil plan”.

to get what They want – they’ve just got to keep us arguing about whether to open up or not. that’s it. that’s all they’ve got to do. circulate some fake anti science garbage to make sure it goes over easy.

and murder a ton of people to make another dollar.

THAT’S your conspiracy. THERE’S your elite takeover.

they don’t need micro chips, 5g, or any of this other shit. vaccines aren’t “Them”, the anti vax movement is THEM trying to murder the “useless”.

” WAKE UP, SHEEPLE ” it’s obvious as fuck and you don’t need to go out on any limbs to see it. it’s plain as day. they’re saying it out loud. there’s no need for this conspiracy to be secret. half of you are HAPPY TO JOIN IN.

stop that. join together. fight for the end of greedy leeches stealing from us then pretending that money is gone and they can’t help. the big banks? THEY FUCKING OWE US ONE. it’s time we collect, TOGETHER. right/left/middle. all of us. they owe all of us.

Divine is disgusted by slumming yuppies

SEGREGATION, A REAL THING

in a post about this photo, someone from Europe, younger, asked if segregation was a real thing, a real law in the US. comments were then closed, so I’ll post my reply here instead, in case anyone was not aware.

Elvis sits to eat at a segregated lunch counter while an elderly black woman stands, waiting for food to take away. she’s not allowed to sit there.

it was law, and when it wasn’t the law it was the unspoken rule, for a very long time.

lunch counter (restaurants of all kinds), bus sections, bathrooms, water faucets and schools were separated by race. the fight to desegregate schools is most well known, as it lasted a very long time and required buses, because people of color had also been segregated by neighborhood- many towns refused to sell and owners refused to rent to anyone of color in a “white area”. (the TV show “the Jeffersons” addresses this, and it’s also known as “redlining”)

many politicians on both sides of the aisle supported it, but the Democratic party eventually worked to pass the civil rights amendment and related bills to stop it, although there were those in the party who still argued in favor of these laws.

https://www.businessinsider.com/biden-said-desegregation-would-create-a-racial-jungle-2019-7

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lester_Maddox

(of note- this happened after desegregation, that’s how strongly politicians felt about it! ten years in and they were still arguing that it had been a good thing.)

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Massive_resistance

after it legally ended, thanks to the civil rights movement, there was blowback; people trying to vote, to eat lunch, ride the bus, go to school, were viciously attacked by crowds or groups of white people.

FILE – In this May 28, 1963 file photo, a group of whites pour sugar, ketchup and mustard over the heads of Tougaloo College student demonstrators at a sit-in demonstration at a Woolworth’s lunch counter in Jackson, Miss. Seated at the counter, from left, are Tougaloo College professor John Salter,and students Joan Trumpauer and Anne Moody. John Salter, who also used the name John Hunter Gray, died Monday, Jan. 7, 2019 at his home in Pocatello, Idaho. Relatives say he was 84 when he died Monday after an illness. (Fred Blackwell/The Clarion-Ledger via AP, File) ORG XMIT: MSJAD701

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freedom_Riders https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Crow_laws

during this time, due to so much police and community violence, the Black Panther formed to monitor and protect people.

https://www.wglt.org/post/director-chronicles-black-panthers-rise-new-tactics-were-needed#stream/0

members of the Black Panthers, preparing to feed the community

GENERATION X

sure, we are slackers. yeah. we’re ok with staying home. you have just told a generation of latchkey tech addicts raised during the bridge from antenna TVs to HD internet streaming to sit at home. if you’d feed us, we wouldn’t even blink at it. this quarantine stuff? that’s not the hard thing.

but we’re watching friends and family die. a lot of us have been down this road before. we’ve watched right wing pigs (yes, I’ll say it) allow our friends to die before. we’ve been down this road of denial and greed and prejudice and all of it. we’ve seen what happens when politicians value money and ego over human lives, and we know it SUCKS ASS.

hell, we watched Reagan. Bush. Bush. Clinton, too-he was only a hair better. and so-

when we need to, we pound the pavement. we toss the bricks. we get arrested. we wipe mace out of our eyes and stampede.

we always tend to be masked, regardless of standards of the moment. I don’t think, in my life, I’ve been to a protest that didn’t have a contingent of masked people wishing to avoid cameras. Now, a protest for actual assistance for people? a real protest, a fight for better conditions, the 300-some strikes that have happened that the news ISN’T covering? yeah. surgical masks. they’re brilliant photos, but not as interesting for the crap media as a few fat guys with guns.

because that’s the joke they want to show us, yeah? not people actually fighting in solidarity, to protect each other, get better work conditions, protect the disabled, get better healthcare for all, support people financially… the shit the majority of people really want. no. they’re not covering that real shit.

the news, they like a spectacle.

we need to find ways to make the facts spectacular.

I have rarely seen my generation protest FOR corporate interests and find any such thing suspicious as all fuck. I don’t believe a bit of that shit. That’s paid for, that’s arranged, that’s a pony show. That’s the same tiny batch of zonked out cultists that don’t have a trump rally to travel to right now. it’s like a damn road show, the same hundred people, like some Boomer deadhead traveling bus shit. I don’t trust it and I don’t believe it. the older folks at them, yeah. they’re that little band of travelers. sure. but us?

Seattle police use gas to push back World Trade Organization protesters in downtown Seattle Tuesday, Nov. 30, 1999. The protests delayed the opening of the WTO third ministerial conference. (AP Photo/Eric Draper)

because even though we will go do Things, we are, in fact, ok with staying home.

and we don’t like your fucking company. and corporations bought our music and art and killed it in front of our eyes, and there’s no getting our trust back. and we will wear a goddamn busted ass thrift store sack before we spend money on slave-sewn clothes. and we would rather read and write and play music and watch movies all damn day, than go to jobs in cubicles.

War protesters and march to Gas Works Park protesting the US involvement in the Persian Gulf and the buid up to war against Irag January 15 deadline 1991 Seattle Washington State USA

I mean, we’ll usually go, because we gotta eat. so feed us. give us bread. you already poisoned the roses.

THE ASSHOLE FACTORY

this is where your conspiracy videos are made. in the asshole factory.

what do you notice about these photos? do you see the threats? what kind of people are there?

it is almost like there’s a monthly event they’ve been going to, that’s been cancelled, where they could hold up trump signs and boo anything reasonable… wonder what that event is. where have you seen some of these faces before? I’ve seen a few in the rally photos and videos.

check out “small business” guy. who is he? does he own a “small business”, you think? (photos by Orin Louis)

ON THE PANDEMIC

a lot of people talking about immunity/reinfection and that study.

that study is just saying we don’t know yet. we just don’t know yet.

it’s early days.

Coronavirus is not influenza, they’re two different families of virus. VERY different.

this is more related to the common cold (in its behavior)than to the flu. (the cold is a rhinovirus. SARS & MERS, and Covid-19, if you want to find out more about these viruses, don’t look up the flu-they are Coronaviruses.)

it is contagious the way a cold is, but it has serious effects on any part of the body with ace2 receptors. (simply put- blood, lungs, heart, kidneys, brain)

they have been working on a cold vaccine for decades. no success. BUT. again, it’s early days. there’s never been this kind of pressure for a vaccine for it. so, to be direct: we don’t know yet. they’ve never been this desperate, this well funded, to find a cold vaccine.

this could be a seasonal thing, eventually- it could mutate to be less lethal and become just another cold we can get every year. it could mutate to be even more vicious and we all are in serious danger all the time. it could create immunity, and some will be ok for a year or a month or a decade… it might not, and people can catch it again and worse.

we just don’t know yet. the whole reason we are isolating the way we are is to buy time for science to find these answers. we’re not in quarantine to “kill it off” or stop it. we are slowing it down so science can have time to find answers, so less of us die while that happens.

every day we don’t infect other people, is a day in which researchers can work. we need them to work. they are doing that. every day we don’t infect other people, is a day this virus doesn’t get a chance to mutate and change. this helps a lot.

science needs time. all this economic mayhem- it’s to buy them time to help us, to figure it out. the answers won’t come right away and during this time we may hear things that are being tried and tested, some may not work at all, some may be worse than nothing, so information won’t be steady or always correct. when you read a thing, wait a day. read more about it. read the actual study- and if you can’t, wait a few days and read what scientific sources say about it (the lancet, NEJM, etc). don’t rely on NBC, fox, etc to do a great job reporting on science. you’ll have to have patience, even science is having to watch and wait while things are researched, right now.

nobody has the answers; it’s NOVEL. brand new.

they’re testing, they’re researching, they’re learning this thing’s secrets as fast as they can, while we wait that process out.

be as safe as you can be while we buy them the time.

image: pink pangolin drawing in frame

COMMON SENSE KNOWLEDGE

FOR ACCURACY

You shouldn’t leave the house unless you absolutely have to: food, medicine, or other necessity of life. This includes going to other people’s houses.

Masks are good at protecting others if you are infected, and help protect you too, just not as much as others. Wear one.

Stores are closed, unless they provide food or medicine. Alcohol is a necessity for alcoholics who will have actual seizures and could die from withdrawal, so some of those are open. (Some states have been pressured into letting other things stay open, and people insist on going to church and being able to buy guns in public stores, but that’s political shit and you shouldn’t go places unless you have to.)

This virus is deadly to many people, even healthy ones, is as contagious as a common cold, and has killed more people in a month than the flu does in a year. You don’t want to catch it, and if you do, you want to catch it when doctors and nurses aren’t overworked from other people catching it too. There are 8 strains identified right now. This will change over time, because it’ll mutate- like every virus. EVERY virus.

Glovesw help, unless you change them after touching a contaminated surface. They’re good if used properly and if you’re not sure how to do that, don’t bother. Just wash your hands often.

Everyonen to stay home, but you can go outside- away from people. Staying a good distance from people is really the whole point of staying home.

There will be shortages of some things at the grocery store as supplies run out, and as things are shipped to replace them. Chill out.

The virus does spread through and sometimes kill children, but we weren’t aware of this until we had better information.

You will have many symptoms when you are sick, but you will be contagious for up to two weeks before you get sick. YOU WILL BE CONTAGIOUS WITH NO TEMPERATURE OR SYMPTOMS.

You really shouldn’t be eating restaurant food, unless you can reheat it. Wipe down or wash off your groceries.

You are safe if you maintain six feet distance from others, if everyone is masked and nobody is coughing or sneezing. If they are, you need about 27 feet of distance. Keep space from people.

The virus remains active on different surfaces for a time. The surface being porous may or may not matter; like many things, research by science will give better answers as they have time to figure it out.

We count the number of deaths but we don’t know how many people are infected because most places have not got enough tests to see who is infected. Until we can test everyone, stay home, stay away from people.

We have no treatment. There are clinical trials of many different drugs and at least one vaccine, right now, but it will take time to find out what works.

We should stay away from people to avoid spreading this virus until scientists can offer a treatment or preventative measure like a vaccine. There is no reason to infect people, help the virus mutate, or fuck around with this.

If you are an essential worker of ANY kind, you deserve a living wage, hazard pay, full PPE and kindness from everyone who needs you right now. we should be fighting for your safety, not to make things more dangerous for you.

Stop spreading misinformation. Science doesn’t know everything about this yet, information can and will change or become more specific as time goes by. Yes, business interests and governments have handled the entire thing like a clown show, but you don’t have to be part of making it worse.

THE VALIDITY OF PROTESTING IN THIS TIME

protest for:

stronger unions

better pay

stronger social safety nets during a pandemic

your right to own and bear arms

your freedom of speech/freedom from unwarranted surveillance

safer working conditions

medical care for all

free education

fair elections

physical safety from police violence

safety from racist/hate crimes

NOT FOR:

fuck, BUYING things. don’t protest to be able to go buy shit? what the hell is wrong with you?!? you can buy a gun next month, dipshit. you can buy through private sale. fuck all the way off with that.

SOMEONE ELSE TO WAIT ON YOU (haircuts, restaurants, nails, tattoos, etc)

the right to block hospital entrances (we all saw the footage, shut the fuck up)

the right to gigantic church services during a pandemic. YOU CAN DO LIKE GRANDPA DID AND WATCH YOUR PREACHER ON THE TEE VEE.

going to a shit job that you’ve never liked instead of all the things above that would have allowed you to get through this shit without starving to begin with

by the way, local seed and feed stores are open nation wide; agriculture is considered an essential business. you can’t buy whatever the fuck at wallymart right now though, SO SORRY. maybe don’t even fucking shop there?

edit to add; if they were only endangering themselves I wouldn’t give a shit – but you know these fuckers are getting too close to store cashiers, walking the wrong way down narrow aisles, and touching every-fuckin-thing.

also: 81% of people polled, from EVERY political group, think they should be staying home. and agree with that. THIS IS A CRAP PROTEST BY A TINY, UNIMPORTANT GROUP and should not be getting the coverage it is. they aren’t enough to restore an economy, let alone fill a small concert hall.

I may split these into separate posts, if you’d like that, comment so I know people need/want that.

#advice #current events #pandemic #911 #complaints #deep thoughts #dos and donts #ethics #health and safety #politics #posts with lists in them #questions #true stories #Uncategorized #wtc 9/11 einstruzende neubauten artistic poetic terrori #you

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fandima-moved-read-pinned · 5 years ago

Note

Would it be awesome to see you do all 100 asks? Yes. Will you do them? We shall see.

Wanna bet

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? - More cereal than milk!

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?- No, actually. I hate the cold ^^' And if there's cold air on my cheeks then it's on my nose and that's no good

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? - Usually a post it note! Not very random, but it's normally what I have on hand.

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? - Depends on my mood! Sometimes I'll take my coffee black, other times ill add a fricc ton of creamer, whipped cream, and sugar. Also sometimes I mix coffee with hot chocolate and it's amazing.

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? - Very.

6: do you keep plants? - Always. I still have the carnations from Valentines Day (which surprisingly haven't died yet)

7: do you name your plants? - Nope.

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? - just a mechanical pencil or a graphite pencil. They usually end up being sketches. But if I like how it looks I'll go over them in pen.

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? - Yes and no? I'd do it more often but I don't want anyone to hear me. Especially my mom.

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? - Side, always facing the wall.

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? - The only one I can think of off the top of my head is *slap slap slap* *jumps out window*. No I will not explain.

12: what’s your favorite planet? - Pluto! Or Make Make. Make Make used to be my favorite because me and my brother would pronounce it wrong on purpose. But Pluto is ver pretty.

13: what’s something that made you smile today? - seeing my brother's reaction to his birthday present from me! I made a little felt monkey with bushy eyebrows (I needle felted it)

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? - Probably very messy. But also it would constantly smell like food!

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! - Mars is shrinking. It is Smol.

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? - Fettuccine Alfredo with Shrimp! It's what I usually ordered at Olive Garden until I found out that it was expensive and was probably stressing out my parents.

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? - Don't laugh okay but pink! I want to dye the bottom half of my hair bright freaking pink. Like hot pink.

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. - That time I slapped a guy twice for picking me up. That guy was my best friend. He picked me up from behind and I sorta whipped around and slapped him. The first time he didn't put me down, he just laughed. So I slapped him again. He got the hint.

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?- I don't. I tried a while back, but I figured it would be easier just to talk to people about my issues instead of writing them down.

20: what’s your favorite eye color? - Green. Or dark brown.

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. - Not sure what this means, sorry. I've got this pencil pouch that has a tree print on it that I've used for a few years now even though it has a hole it it. Does that count?

22: are you a morning person? - No. I wake up at 5:30 am on weekdays and usually don't get out of bed until I have ten minutes to get ready and leave.

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? - Stay in my room and draw! Although I don't have lazy days. Every time my mom comes upstairs I immediately start cleaning because if I don't she'll yell at me for being lazy.

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? - Yes. Take a look at who sent this ask. Also my other two online friends! One of them I spam with worms on a string and the other I just know I can trust and I don't know why.

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? - the only place I've broken into is my own house. I had to climb the backyard fence to go through the back door because me and my brother forgot our keys.

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? - My plain black tennis shoes. I need to get new ones because these ones are old and barely fit but every time I mention it, it's like I never said a word.

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? - Candy Cane!

28: sunrise or sunset? - Sunset! I get to see the sun setting behind the Rocky Mountains and it's really pretty.

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? - exist

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? - Yes. I'd rather not talk about it.

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. - socks can burn in hell for all I care. I hate socks. I only wear them if I have to (like while wearing shoes)

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. - I remember being at a sleepover a few days before I moved (this was in South Korea) and I woke up at 3:34 am (yes I remember the time don't ask why) because one of my friends was playing Megalovania on the keyboard. Then she turned around and asked who the hell took her pretzels. They were under her pillow.

33: what’s your fave pastry? - c w a s o a n t (with jelly inside!)

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? - I still have this stuffed animal now (I have all of my stuffed animals. I haven't brought myself to get rid of them). It's a little pink blanket with a bunny head named Squeek. Not Squeak. I didn't know how to spell that.

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? - No. I don't have any.

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? - https://youtu.be/7TqLXIBG-6g not a band but still

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? - Messy! It may sound strange, but I can't find anything when it's clean. It also feels empty unless I've got stuff all over the floor.

38: tell us about your pet peeves! - When I tell remind someone of the rules and they say "okay" and continue breaking them. Like we aren't supposed to put pans in the dishwasher because it ruins the pans. Yet my brother always puts them in there. I remind him and take it out, and he says "okay" and puts it back. I also hate it when I ask someone to stop doing something (usually when it's making me nervous or upset) and they ask "WhY?" in a really annoying tone and keep doing it. I ALSO hate it when I'm in charge and yet no one listens to me.

I also don't like it when no one says thank you. It makes it seem like they don't appreciate me.

39: what color do you wear the most? - Grey. I want to wear colorful clothes but the last time we went clothes shopping and I asked for pastel colors, I walked out of the store with grey, light grey, brown, and dark blue clothes.

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? - I have a locket that I made for my seventh birthday. It has little charms in it (a rose, my first initial, a heart key, and a birthday cake) and it's gold. I love it and I don't know why.

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? - There's a book series that I don't remember the name of but it's about a girl who is forcibly turned into a siren by three other sirens. She has to eat human hearts to live. It's kinda gorey, kinda romantic, lots of action. I love it.

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! - Unfortunately no, I usually get coffee at a gas station ^^'

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? - My dog Freyja! Whenever I take out trash, she comes with, and when the sky is clear I like to point out the starts with her before we go back inside. She's very sweet. But I can't stargaze for more than a minute.

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? - Last year I went on a trip to Florida to stay with my grandparents for a week. I remember waking up one morning with a beautiful view of the ocean and the sound of waves crashing onto the shore. My grandparents have an apartment of sorts that faces the Atlantic and you can literally go down the stairs and go swim in the ocean if you want to, it's like a two minute walk, not even. I love the ocean and the sound of waves and seagulls is always calming to me. But my house is very loud and there's no peace here.

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? - Yes. When I have a bad feeling about something, I address it. It's not always true, but I don't want to risk anything.

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. - Sorry, I don't know many puns. I guess I'm just not a pun-ny person.

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? - fucking macaroni with bread crumsb that shit is nasty af

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? - Storms, especially tornados. Now my biggest fear is death. Whether I'm the one dying or its someone I care about.

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? - Not really, I don't have money to buy anything ^^' Even when I do have money, I spend it on art stuff. That reminds me that I need to fix my radio.

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? - Fabric. I have so much and I don't even use it. But when I see a nice fabric, I get it (if I have money).

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? - 'Old Timer Rock and Roll' (probably not the name of it) always reminds me of my dad. One day we were driving in his Jeep, just us two, and I mentioned that I wasn't a fan of the music on the radio. We ended up compromising and that song was the first one on the radio station that we switched to.

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? - I am unfortunately not up to date with the memes. Although the ones where it's like "you've mc-ed your last Donald" or "you've ratted your last tatouille" always make me exhale aggressively.

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? - None of the above! I've been wanting to watch Heather's though. I just never get around to doing it.

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? - My brother. Not the same one from before.

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? - nothing, sorry. I'm not very dramatic.

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? - when they pour their heart out about a certain subject that they love. I know a lot of people tend to bottle up their opinions but when someone trusts me aniugh to tell me all about it, it's just sorta nice.

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? - I just sorta spaced out for the first have then did a little dance for the rest of it. I love the line "I see a little silhouetto of a man" and it's more upbeat and the music just makes me dance a little

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? - bold of you to assume I have a group of friends

59: what’s your favorite myth? - There's this one I heard as a kid that involves a faceless girl on the side of a highway who tries to steal faces.

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? - I can't think of any off the top of my head, but poetry is nice!

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? - I don't really remember. I try to only give gifts that are meaningful.

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? - nope! I usually drink milk!

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? - I usually leave my music to its own devices, but all the books are organized by series and genre.

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? - Blue! Just any other afternoon sky.

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? - My older brother. We don't get to talk much.

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? - Colorful, with a few white flowers!

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? - Those are usually the days that I don't feel anything.

68: what’s winter like where you live? - The weather is all over the place. A little snow, then the next day, it's like 60°F. Not even joking. It snowed Friday and Saturday was warm.

69: what are your favorite board games? - Monopoly and Battleship!

70: have you ever used a ouija board? - No, but I really want to. But my dad won't let me.

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? - I don't really drink tea, sorry!

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? - Nope. I'll forget it anyway. I usually set alarms for certain things but then I don't do it.

73: what are some of your worst habits? - Biting the inside of my cheek and scratching/pinching my arm when I'm nervous.

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. - kind, a good listener, talented, and understanding

75: tell us about your pets! - We have four dogs. There's Emrys (the dog I've posted pictures of before), Cirilla (a husky German Shepard mix, very sweet), Cayde-6 (a Rottweiler mix I think, super energetic, loud, and steals food off the counter even when someone is watching), and Freyja (a German Shepard mix, puppy, also very sweet! She knows the phrase 'give hugs' and she always comes with me to take out the trash for whatever reason). I also have a Guinea Pig (who I want to get a friend for because she's lonely, but my parents keep saying no) names Neo.

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? - Working on my Someconsious series, cleaning, and probably checking in with some friends.

77: pink or yellow lemonade? - Pink

78: are you in the minion hateclub or Fan club? - Hate club. I don't like them. They're just annoying and bright and their language is stupid to me.

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? - One of my exes surprised me with a cars and roses out of nowhere. It wasn't Valentines Day, it wasn't my birthday, he just went out of his way to do something nice for me when I was having a rough week.

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? - They're a sort of off white. I want to paint them light lavender or pale blue but my parents have only painted the living room and refuse to paint anywhere else for whatever reason. I know we can afford paint, I know we have time. They just stopped caring.

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. - Not sure what it means by abstract, but I'll try. Her eyes are similar to the bottom of a small river. The brown in the middle with green rings on the edges remind me of a river I used to go fishing in back in Oklahoma.

82: are/were you good in school? - I'm okay. I have all A's and B's, but I have easy subjects that aren't very hard.

83: what’s some of your favorite album art? - I don't really listen to albums, my music taste is mostly individual songs. Even then I don't really pay attention to the art.

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? - I want to get a quote of sort on my ankle. Something in another language so I can tell them it means something mysterious and deep when in reality it's the description of a toaster oven that hasn't been cleaned since 1995.

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? - I read a few webcomics if that counts! I like Castle Swimmer a lot! Gay fish bapeys are best fish bapeys.

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? - I don't know what those are, sorry

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? - The Princess Bride and the Last Unicorn. But I'm biased because they're both a part of my childhood.

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? - not in particular!

89: are you close to your parents? - I'm only close with my dad. My stepmom can go fuck herself. She just told us that's she'll be making a schedule for the next two weeks because there won't be school. One of the weeks was spring break anyway! We aren't missing much!

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. - I like Palm Beach in Florida! It's fairly quiet, right next to the ocean, and filled with retired people who are all really nice.

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? - Nowhere, we don't travel much. I really want to go to Florida again though.

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? - I don't add cheese at all! It sort of ruins the texture for me. Especially the grated sprinkle cheese stuff l. I hate now it feels.

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? - I just keep my hair down. I don't like it in any other way.

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? - My brother. His birthday is today!

95: what are your plans for this weekend? - cry a lot cry some more lose feelings for a few hours draw watch YouTube art videos then try not to yell at my mom like I did last week

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? - I just get it over with so I can do whatever needs to be done. Or I schedule it for when I'm not going to be using it.

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? - INFP-T/Mediator, Scorpio, and Hufflepuff

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?- A few weeks ago. And no, I did not enjoy it considering I was supposed to be working on an important project that day.

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. - Where We Started, If You're Going Through Hell, and We Like to Numb (a mix of We Like to Party and Numb)

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? - Future. In five years I plan on being in college and I want to see what I should be prepared for and if my interests have changed.

This took me at least an hour and a half. Thank you though! I

#Long Post #Aven Answers #tw cursing

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solidburnreturned · 6 years ago

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by popular demand, here is my oc chatter regarding stuff like relationships n random character traits. its rly long oops but i divided it by character at least lmao,, these are all things that i think id also wanna use if i ever use these characters as humans (which i def will at some point honestly)

- i thinkkkk i want toad and pike to date. toad would come across pike in their lagoon one day while hes wandering around on another wonked exploration and pike is like hey lol :B with their pointy teeth and long ass hair and toad is like :0 he just sits and talks with pike for hours and comes by a few times a week to hang out with them. they fall in LOVE

- fred and lani are def gonna date too. two butches who use he/him pronouns fuck yeah? they have a powerful relationship. mega BDE. power couple. not a lot of pda but alone together theyre both very loving and tender, its a vulnerability thing for both of them. like lani is very cool and can be either stoic or borderline obnoxious while fred is punkish. fred is very head over heels for lani tho

- mardi n berg.....complicated....i gotta figure out how they actually end up together. berg is a jogger and mardi is a piercer/tattoo artist so that doesnt....make them line up very much in that department. ill think about it more and figure something out. itll probably have something to do with berg’s nose stripes and eye rings

- also side note on mardi......i want his backstory to include a grey period set off by his brother being eaten when they were both young at the troll tree. like he becomes angry and depressed, sorta like branch, his tattoos that he gives himself the only color on his body, until he learns to let go and his colors come back (high key this was inspired by 21 savage, mardi’s voice claim, and the line in his new song A Lot “my brother lost his life and it turned me to a beast”). ill develop this idea further but i just wanted to get it written down

- bismuth.......unsure. they had a crush on pepper and kept trying to ask her out until she came out to them as a lesbian, then they were like :’) but theyre ride or die theyre not gonna be an ass to her because they cant date her. they just care a lot about her. its like icarly

- gazpacho and jupiter CUTE two small trans trolls in That Love. i need to develop them more but. theyre just cute

- talia is still a little too new for me to develop her......but im thinkin about it...

- kinda same with ernie and olive. they kinda mostly just exist as cute babby characters right now? if anything olive is a trouble maker and ernie is a chatterbox

- clem and thursday also fuckin cute as hell......clem was a nervous wreck asking thursday out but theyve been together like ever since, which is more than a few years. they have a rly cute gentle lovey dovey relationship. thursday is usually hanging around up on her gf’s shoulder giving her kisses on the cheek

- bea and crystal.......adorabl relationship......crystal is another character thats kinda nervous but bea is so chill n confident is helps calm her down. theyre both trans and love the hell out of each other. rly slow n steady relationship, bea is very patient

- pj and marcus!!!! dumb mlm rep relationship. pj is so so gay for marcus he can barely comprehend it. its a dumb ego boost for marcus but hes also very in love with pj, he just expresses it in a weird cocky way idk marcus is a nerd. i need to make more content for them i think about these two way more than it seems

- dwight!! he has a boat. he lives on the boat.....ive thought about maybe pairing him with toad and pike. deciding on his voice claim has been the most difficult thing ever

- kass and current HELL yeah buff gf and tol gf......they spar with swords and wrestle for fun and hang out at the beach a lot. kass fuckin loves the gem on current’s back. i gotta make more content for them

- celia......i wanna do more with celia. friends with berg probs theyre both sporty. shes just a sweet giant troll who loves mushrooms. i gotta pair her with someone whose palette goes nicely with her pastels

- carrot and harriet are literally cricket and tilly from big city greens just older. yeehaw siblings. havent thought about relationship stuff with harriet yet.....i think she also needs ANOTHER redesign her colors are just too heavy still. maybe if i can make her colors compliment celia’s that could work as a pairing? hm hm.....carrot tho is dating ford’s oc rye theyre gentle country gays

- rainer. hm. i dont think theyre rly the dating type......theyre just chill with being them. they just wanna swim and be funny

- hammond and andromeda are probs two of my least developed characters.....hammond still needs a redesign. he might be cute to pair with walter, theyre around the same age. andromeda tho i have no idea. she might be a nice pairing with eve? if i ever feel like pairing her with someone...who knows. eve is very carefree and might find andromeda’s energy too intense

- radish i wanna make more content for!! i rly like her a lot....i think shes another troll who isnt interested in dating. shes very focused on being a chef instead. loves her friends a lot!

- mack and pepper 2gether 4ever obvs......they have a relationship that gets richer with age for sure

- im just gonna ramble about mack. i thinkkkkkkk i wanna make her half latina? columbian specifically. she doesnt quite read as white and i didnt make her with the intention of making her white. anyway i love mack a whole lot and should really develop her backstory more. its not rly as like...””tragic”” or whatever as pepper’s i know that but she def has layers. i wanna give her whole family more depth. she has a very complicated relationship with her own feelings and motivations that i need to think about more fully. my powerful femme tho i lov her

- mack’s parents, robin and champagne, i need to like....think about them more. they have kinda a comedic relationship thats sorta inspired by roger rabbit and jessica rabbit. robin is a very caring, gentle troll who’s very smart and cares a lot about his nursing responsibilities in the village. champagne is very relaxed and the “voice of reason” character of the family. she loves a good party and has her party planning down to a science. both are very successful power parents. kickass family

- i already talked about topaz and marney in a separate post but i still love them both so much. big wesbiabs

- pepper....pebber. im gonna talk about her the most obviously gfhjdkrs i wanna talk about her mental health i feel like i think about it a lot but i never write about it explicitly? this is gonna be long oops hgjfksd she has depression and ptsd stemming from the trauma of her crash...im thinking she also has adhd and thats just something shes always had. her depression rly got heavy during her recovery and right after like...she hated being bed/housebound and felt rly powerless to her situation and just let it eat at her until her personality had actually changed considerably. like extroverted wild child rebel to introverted, soft-spoken sulker. this got better with time but she still is pretty introverted, just turned her moodiness into chill energy.

- she has bad depression habits like letting dishes, old food, laundry, or just stuff pile up in her room until it gets overwhelming and she spends like two days just manically cleaning; or staying in bed for way longer than she should and messing with her hygiene; or eating way more or way less than she should eat in a day. just stuff thats hard to completely break out of when youre recovering. her color is pretty consistently the dark red but if shes having a particularly rough day she might look a little paler, or like a muddy brick color at her worst. thats kinda rare tho

- her ptsd is the thing she hates the most. for a while it made her feel very weak and she’d beat herself up over being traumatized by the crash which was obviously not helpful to her mental state but she was really all over the place during her bodily recovery. its part of the reason why she started working out, she wanted to reclaim some sort of feeling of strength and power that she felt she’d lost completely. she still gets really frustrated with this feeling of loss but she gets a lot of support from loved ones which has helped her not self-blame so much. her ptsd manifests mostly as nightmares/insomnia, chronic headaches/stomachaches, intrusive thoughts and sometimes flashbacks. the nightmares are what rly get to her, she really doesnt get a lot of good sleep and it can get to the point where she just doesnt want to sleep sometimes and she’ll stay awake until she crashes hard

- her scars used to be a big trigger for her ptsd, which is why she has her bangs covering the one on her face and wears long pants (her knee braces are too bulky for pants and would force her to wear shorts which would force her to expose her scars). she just. really really hates them. this is something she struggles with for a majority of her life

- once she and mack start going steady with their dating and start consistently sleeping in the same bed, pepper starts to sleep better. she still has nightmares that wake her up at least weekly, but having mack there to comfort her (whether she wakes mack up accidentally or if mack is already awake) helps a TON with getting her back to sleep soundly. it also just helps her sleep in general to have that comforting, loving presence in her bed snuggled up to her ;w; mack is a big help in general with pepper’s mental health, pushing pepper to make better, healthier choices and get out in the village more and have fun. mack for sure does not “”cure”” pepper of anything but shes a very positive light in pepper’s life that helps her pull thru tough times!

- i love all my goofy trolls so much. its so fun to just chill and blab about them to relax between working on big projects ;o; ty if u cared enough to read this whole thing ur so rad

#writing about my hooligan troll ocs is so relaxing #like im not overly invested its just something fun to think about and thats just very nice #txt #oc #oc rambles #ill tag it as that so i dont lose this #trolls #long post

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wnq-psychology · 7 years ago

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How To Build Your Self Esteem

step away from the affirmations

“To be healthy, functioning individuals, we need to feel good about ourselves. To feel good about ourselves, we need to feel that our time and energy is spent meaningfully. Meaning is the fuel of our minds. When you run out of it, everything else stops working.”

Most of us struggle with self esteem. Many of us are fortunate enough to realize this, and some of us care enough to try to fix it.

The problem, however, is with the majority of the resources available to us — especially online. I am pretty sure these articles are 100% written by people who have serious self esteem issues, regurgitated from everyone else who has self esteem issues, on down the cycle to readers with self esteem issues, who think it’s just their fault for not being able to apply them and successfully boost their self esteem.

But of course not. Because none of this is how self esteem works.

First, let’s talk about what self esteem ISN’T:

Self esteem is not selfishness or narcissism

Having to say this makes me impatient, because if people don’t innately “get it,” they fight it blindly, emotionally, tooth and nail. And I understand, because there are a lot of emotions on the line here (see: entire post) so I’m just going to tread lightly and quickly when I say:

Self love and self esteem are not selfishness.

On the contrary, selfish people have desperately low self esteem and self love, which is why they overcompensate, demand, and have nothing left to give others.

Self esteem is not a series of “dont’s”

Most self esteem articles cheerily suggest things like, “Don’t have the negative self talk. Don’t compare yourself to others. Don’t put yourself down. Don’t doubt yourself,” like “just don’t have low self-esteem!”

These aren’t solutions.

The brain struggles with the word “don’t,” and when you focus on the negative, you’re still focusing on the thing. The brain interprets the sentence as an imperative, like: “ah, okay, negative self talk. Got it!” The brain is baby Groot.

The way we talk to ourself is a reflection of self esteem, not the root. It’s effect, not cause. It helps, of course, but it’s not the core. And fixing the core will fix the way we think and talk about ourselves.

Nature abhors a vacuum. If you don’t have something positive at the ready, the old stuff will just rush back in.

Self esteem does not come from others

It’s not anyone’s job to make you feel good about yourself. It can only come from you.

Some articles suggest that readers should “learn to accept compliments” — several even went so far as to suggest that you approach others and “ask them what they like about you.”

Trying to build self esteem through “others’ compliments” is like trying to learn how to walk by being carried.

Only you control of your self-acceptance and self-love.

Self esteem is not in “self help”

This is just an extension of the above.

Self help reinforces perceptions of inferiority and shame. It plays on insecurities and fabricates solutions that don’t serve real needs. It encourages avoidance.

It’s like how MayoClinic convinces us we’re dying more than it actually, directly remedies health problems. Engaging will eventually make us absorb all these negatives. We are not more powerful than what we give attention.

Self help just replaces one external influence for another. We’re still grasping for some authority figure, some omnipotent voice, to tell us what to do.

This of course includes this very post. Which is ironic, but at least honest and warm-hearted, because I wrote this only after doing tons of similar reading myself, and I write hoping we all resolve this.

Self help will never help

When I was getting my business off the ground, in the 3 dark months of “white noise” after quitting my job but before getting my first customer, isolated and running mostly on “faith” alone, someone asked me, “what kind of music do you listen to during the day?” I told them, “on good days, upbeat music. On bad days, chill music. And I know it’s an ugly day when I resort to motivational videos on YouTube.”

Those videos got me nowhere — except maybe through the day.

You want to know what finally kicked my self esteem back into gear? When I started making sales. Once that happened, I never watched another motivational, “self-help” video.

Self esteem is not about “pampering”

My god, if we could all stop with the “indulgences” and “little day to day pleasures;” if only we could stop thinking “self love” is about “treating ourselves,” or “scheduling time every day for fun and relaxation.”

Heidi Priebe said it best,

“Real self-love isn’t about ‘treating yourself’… because real self-love is less about babying yourself and more about parenting yourself.”

Good parents don’t indulge children with candy each time they cry. Good parents support, teach coping mechanisms, and gently encourage growth.

This is what loving ourselves means as well. It’s not about daily indulgences. It’s identifying and pursuing our longterm values.

Self esteem is not about affirmations

Fuck writing down all your best qualities.

I don’t know who came up with this terrible advice, but it’s pretty much useless. Consider, for a moment, the most genuinely confident person you know — do they sit down every day and write down their best qualities? Maybe they do, but I doubt it.

Confident people don’t do this. And people don’t magically become confident doing it. Only self-doubting people get stuck in this compulsive loop.

Self love is not about affirmations.

As Heidi Priebe wrote,

“Claiming to love yourself and actually doing the hard work of loving yourself are not the same thing… You can repeat a thousand affirmations an hour, write a limitless number of blog posts about how you’re worthy of love and stick millions of post-it notes reminding yourself how awesome you are on every mirror in your house, but that only gets you 10% of the way to self-love.”

Except it’s more like 0%.

The real solution is: agency, awareness, authenticity, and action.

What self esteem IS:

Step 1.) Self esteem is agency

Self love is taking responsibility.

So many terrible articles encourage readers to keep self esteem at the mercy of external forces, prompting them to “think about what is affecting your self-esteem,” and suggesting “your confidence may have been lowered after a difficult experience or series of negative life event, such as: being bullied or abused, losing your job or difficulty finding employment, ongoing stress physical illness, mental health problems, a difficult relationship, separation or divorce.”

No. To this entire list: no.

I’m not saying that bad shit didn’t happen to you — it probably did. Because bad things happens to everyone. But life isn’t about playing the victim, or comparing notes on who suffered most. Life has negatives in the cards for everyone — even the most confident people you know — and the only difference between those with self esteem and those without it is that the first group chose to take responsibility for their lives, their responses, and their actions.

So when it comes to thinking about “what is affecting your self-esteem,” the answer is always “you.”

You are in control of your self esteem. That’s the entire list, beginning to end.

you are in charge. you are in charge. you. are. in. charge.

Step 2.) Self esteem is awareness

This is super important, and we don’t talk about it enough.

Get out of your damn head. Be present.

Stop slipping away. Stop shutting down. Stop freezing and falling silent any time you’re uncomfortable, or unsure, or anxious. Stop reminiscing on the past, or thinking about the future, or wandering around, mentally, anywhere that you actually aren’t.

I wrote pretty openly about struggling with this myself, and the fact that I’m currently working on it, so I speak from a place of empathy and love.

We do this is because we’ve learned that “shutting down” offers security — it’s “easier” if we don’t engage; we think there’s less risk.

But what we give up in exchange every time we do this is moments of our own lives. Which is why, in those brief moments we pull our head out of the sand, we’re filled with panic to realize we don’t like what we’re living. But then most of us respond by seeking reassurance (see “self help,” above — “you can do it!”) or solutions we don’t take, and ultimately shut it back down.

The first step? Awareness of your breathing. Second, awareness of your body in space; what you’re physically feeling. From there, you’ll become more aware of what you’re emotionally feeling as well. Accept these emotions as they come to you.

Wake up. Be aware of what you’re doing and where you are all the time. And most importantly: be aware of what you feel and think about it…

Step 3.) Self esteem is authenticity

It’s knowing what we actually want.

This is probably the hardest part. It’s also really important.

Because “nature abhors a vacuum,” if self esteem isn’t coming from external sources, but us instead, then we have to do the work of identifying what wewant and need — in that vacuum, without regard to others. (Note: just like the “selfish” section, that is not meant to read as “without regard for others.” We should still be considerate. But able to say what we want (or think or feel or need) without having to first ask, “well but what do others want?”)

Self esteem is answering “what do I think?” without first asking “what do others think?” This is harder than people realize, especially because it’s so ingrained.

I was recently thinking about what I wanted to do for Valentine’s Day, and initially could not answer this question— did I really want to go to dinner, or did I just like the way that sounded? Did I really want flowers, or did I just hope they’d serve as some security; some certainty that this was special? Did I really even want to do anything? Sometimes we do things we don’t evenreally want, but doing what “sounds good” saves us the risk of regretting having not done something come the morning of the 15th.

(In the end, what I wanted was a cookie from our favorite local bakery. We go together all the time and they put out these seasonal designs that are so adorable I could die. And then, like a good partner, I said in clear words that that’s what I wanted.)

We do this with everything. We pick where to travel, what to buy, and where to eat based on other people — our order at restaurants is influenced by others’, and we eat more in the presence of people we’re trying to impress. We often choose clothing, cars, houses, and hobbies couched in “what others think.” And sadly, we often even choose jobs and partners this way.

Sometimes we’re asked: “What would you do if you could not fail?”

And that’s great, but an equally great question is: “What would you do if you could not tell or be told by anyone?”

Would you get married if you had to go on telling people you weren’t? Would you drive the same car if nobody saw? Would you do the same thing on your weekends if you couldn’t frame it up as “how it retells on Monday morning?” Would you vacation in the same places if nobody knew?

Would you still be doing the same job and have the same partner if you had to tell people you had a totally different job and partner, both of which they deemed “unimpressive?”

What do you want? Not just in the moment, but in the long-run. What areyour values? What is your version of long-term happiness?

If that’s too hard or scary to speculate: start with a chunk of lifestyle now. Not your leisure time, but your actual life. When, for example, are you happiest at work? If your answer has anything to do with others (i.e., “when I get recognition,” “when I get a raise,” “when I win a deal,” or “when I help others,” you need to look again, for answers that serve you.) Maybe you don’t even like your work. That’s for you to explore.

If you’re struggling here and you just want more “help” on “how to do it:” you are missing the point entirely (and probably also missing the alarm bell that should be going off in your head.) This work fundamentally cannot be done by anyone else. This work is you. Do the work.

If you are so far gone that you still feel lost knowing what you want onany level: you skipped self awareness. You’re not paying attention. See “step 2” for further instruction.

Skipping this step is why “just do it!” doesn’t help

Our struggle (and reluctance) to find answers is why “advice” like “just do it!” or “just try things and see what you like” is met with apprehension at best, and disaster at worst. (If you aren’t in touch with what you actually want, and what your happiness feels like, there’s no way of even knowing if you like what you’re trying, and without this skill set, you’ll just keep falling back on “but it sounds cool” or “it’s what people do.”)

You can’t know what you love if you don’t know what love feels like, and you’re so out of touch with your own feelings you don’t know what it is.

We have to actually know who the hell we are, and what we want. Experimenting and taking action is second-grade reading level and we’re still learning letters over here.

Step 4.) Self esteem is action

Only once you understand what you want — what really makes you happy — in the long run.

Action is about making decisions. It’s about committing. It’s about choice and assertiveness and asking for the things we want and need. It’s about taking steps, and thinking, and coming to our conclusions — and then verbalizing them.

It’s also about being aware. It’s about being alert and awake and active in our own lives — not passive, compliant, or submissive.

As Nathaniel Branden wrote in “How to Raise Your Self Esteem,”

“Living consciously means taking responsibility for the awareness appropriate to the action in which we are engaged. This, above all, is the foundation of self confidence and self-respect.”

Or, to be slightly more clear,

“The difference between low self-esteem and high self-esteem is the difference between passivity and action.”

But knowing what action to take requires knowing what we want, outside of what others want — i.e., authenticity — which requires that we take full responsibility for our lives. Which requires that we dump all of the bad assumptions and models around self love, take agency in-house, and start to build self-fueling fire of our own desire.

About The Author:

Kris Gage

Motorcyclist, Software Manager, Drink-Slinger of the South 🍻

Reach out: http://bit.ly/2CXgcv5

#Self Improvement #Happiness #Love #Relationships #Dating

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