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angelwings-crossbowstrings · 6 months ago

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Blood Ties Chapter 31

Series Masterlist

Warnings: Typical TWD violence and gore; parents of a newborn just going through it

gif by @reedusmcbridedaily

You felt like you had just fallen asleep when Birdie began to stir. With a grunt, she made tiny squeaking noises to wind herself up for a mighty wail. You had yet to open your eyes, when you felt the mattress shift.

“Ssh, quiet lil’ Bird. Give your mama a chance to wake up ‘fore ya start your fussin’.” Everything was bleary from tiredness but when it cleared, Daryl was already on his feet, Birdie on his shoulder with a large hand rubbing her back. “S’alright. She’ll be awake in a minute.” There was a gentle bounce to his steps as he paced back and forth. “Ain’t even tryin’ the diaper thing by myself. Sorry, kid.”

Birdie wiggled and rooted against Daryl’s shoulder, and you heard him chuckle. Watching him with the baby, it just looked so—natural. His head angled so his eyes were on her, a gentle smile curving his lips when she turned her little head to press her mouth against the side of his neck.

“Alright, alright. Let’s getcha to your mama.”

When he turned to find you awake, he actually appeared startled, freezing mid-step.

“Hey.” You whispered, sleep still lacing your voice. It was your first full night with the new baby and the first time she had woken the two of you. There was a twinge of guilt finding Daryl up first with the newly named Birdie, especially since he planned on hunting the next morning. That guilt, however, was rivaled by the overwhelming adoration you felt warming your heart when you saw the new father interacting with his daughter.

“She’s hungry. Prolly needs a diaper too, ‘cordin’ to Carol.”

The saint of a woman had sat with the two of you for over an hour going over the different cues Birdie would give you for different things; when she was hungry, needed changed, or just wanted to be talked to. She taught you ways to position her for nursing. Rashes to watch for, the correct way to clean her with the wipes.

“Always front to back.” Carol demonstrated with the next pee soaked diaper. You were front and center, soaking it all in, desperate for all the help you could get. Daryl was still reeling back and away from the scene with discomfort at seeing his daughter’s anatomy, but that had him leaning forward to catch Carol’s eye.

“She’s got a pref’rence?”

The other woman fastened the diaper and scooped up the baby. “To be so smart, your daddy is so clueless sometimes.” She cooed in baby talk.

You unbuttoned your flannel and lowered the right side of the bra as Daryl repositioned Birdie to the crook of his arm before he gently deposited her into yours. She was ridiculously eager and latched on right away, making those sweet noises that had you staring at her in awe.

The mattress dipped on the other side and you found your partner making himself comfortable against the headboard.

“Why don’t you go sleep with everyone else? You’re going out hunt—”

“No.” He answered around a yawn.

“Then go back to sleep?”

He scrubbed a hand over his face with a quiet mm mm. “Gonna need changed. Wanna help.” Crossing his arms, he rested his head against the wood behind him and closed his eyes. “Need the practice.”

“You need the sleep too, Daryl.” After he opened one eye but before he could speak, you moved one of your hands from beneath Birdie, balancing her weight on your arm so that you could hold out your palm in an attempted display of acquiescence. “I know, I know. Her mama, not yours.”

He snorted, closing his eye again.

The silence—aside from the little suck gulp breath from Birdie—was not uncomfortable. Daryl was dozing. You weren’t concerned about his tired state, even if the only time you’d ever seen him actually do something about it was when he had been so ill. It had been a wild couple of days. You, yourself, could have fallen asleep if not for the task at hand, actually finding that you needed to chew your lip to keep from nodding off.

With the baby sitting on your thigh, your hand supporting her head with a hold just beneath her chin, you patted her back, just like Carol had shown you. “Can you grab a diaper and the wipes?”

“Mhm.” You didn’t need to try any harder to rouse him. He was up and moving to grab the bag containing those specific supplies. Birdie let out a quiet hiccup of air while he was still up, making it possible for you to get her situated on the mattress. “M’gonna do it.”

When your exhaustion-burning eyes trekked upward, Daryl was shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot while tapping the diaper against the side of his leg. You smiled affectionately, yet sympathetically. He was still so nervous about seeing that part of her.

“I’ll be your backup.” Scooting slightly, you kept a hand on Birdie’s belly so as to not allow the shifting of the mattress to jostle her. “Your wingwoman.” He was already curling his lip while situating himself cross-legging.

“That ain’t helpin’.”

“Sorry. Sorry.” You chuckled. He reached for the zipper on the sleeper and pulled it down to maneuver that baby’s bottom half out of the legs, her little limbs drawing up. His hands were shaking. “You’re her father, Daryl. What you’re doing is okay. You’re just taking care of her.” His attempted scowl was belied by the desperation in his eyes.

He had never experienced the tenderness he was trying to bestow on his daughter, afraid of every little thing he had to do for her somehow being frowned upon or causing her pain. You were nervous too but the demonstration by Carol had made you feel a bit more comfortable.

For Daryl, it had done little other than give him the correct methods. He was still battling to understand his role, to feel confident in his ability to show affection to the little one beyond carrying her around. That part, he had down to a science.

He paused after pulling loose the tabs on the diaper. You thought for a moment that you’d have to take over, yet just as the offer began to form into spoken syllables, he continued. The soiled diaper was removed and the clean one placed beneath her bottom, just in case the unexpected chill in the air resulted in her urinating again. There was a deep breath beside you, a deliberate shifting of his gaze before he schooled himself into actually watching what he was doing.

The tremble in his hands was sending fine vibrations into Birdie’s legs. You wanted to allow him to do it on his own, but not at the expense of the baby’s comfort. Reaching slowly, you ran your fingers over the top of his hand before taking over with at least keeping her little limbs still and raised so he could clean her.

Wiping her the way Carol had shown him took longer than it should have, what with him pulling back several times with an uncertainty that made your heart both warm and break. The swipes of the wipe were gentle yet thorough, ensuring she was clean. When it was time, you let him take hold of her legs to draw the fresh diaper up between them and fasten it before he wrestled her flailing feet into the onesie.

“Quit squirmin’, kid.” The words were spoken softly, not even a command but more of a plea. Job done, you expected to be the one to lift her and get her settled back into sleep, but Daryl beat you to it. Scooping her up under her arms with his long fingers supporting the back of her head, he placed her against his chest and laid back. Birdie was instantly content, stretching before curling back up. Folding one arm behind his head, he placed the other hand on the newborn’s back.

Lying back, you gingerly turned onto your side to face your little family, your core still aching. Carol had mentioned using ice pads made with aloe vera and witch hazel after Sophia was born but without a freezer, that wasn’t an option for you. Watching Daryl move his hand and run his fingers over Birdie’s soft little cheek, another ghost of a smile on his lips, you couldn’t even remember the discomfort.

“Get some sleep.”

You had utterly zoned out, blinking and meeting blue eyes that reflected the exhaustion you were feeling. “You too?” He dipped his chin in a nod and you let your eyes close.

The next time Birdie woke you up, it wasn’t a gradual process. There was no build up to the squalling. You and Daryl shot upright at the same time, his hands instinctively coming up to secure the little squirming bundle to his chest.

While you began unbuttoning your flannel, Daryl was moving the baby all over, inspecting her almost frantically.

“Why’s she cryin’ like that?” Wide eyes looked to you.

“Hungry, I guess? Carol said she’d wake up a lot and want to nurse.” Bra unhooked, you held out your arms. Daryl winced, one shoulder lifting toward his ear.

“Kid’s got a set’a lungs.”

You couldn’t help but mirror his actions, bringing her closer to position her at your breast. Her cries ceased when you accidentally brushed her cheek, her little mouth falling open in search of the nipple.

Daryl snorted. “Like a lil’ bird.”

You tossed him a brief look and continued to help the baby latch. “Is that why you wanted to call her Birdie?” The little red face was starting to lighten to pink after a few moments of eager nursing.

He smiled, one-sided, and brushed the back of the baby’s hand with his index finger, her tiny digits rising from where they flexed on your breast to wrap around it. “Nah.”

You waited, desperate to keep the conversation going lest you fall asleep sitting up. “So, why Birdie then?” Daryl ducked his head, his cheeks flushed.

“Was, uh—I was by the window yesterday, holdin’ ‘er. She just kept—starin’, like she was tryin’ to figure me out.” He was refusing to unglue his eyes from the baby at your breast. “There was a, uh—a blue jay. Carol said she can’t see much right now but she saw that bird. Won’t never convince me that she didn’t.”

“Like you saw a chupacabra?” He glared at you from beneath his lashes, only succeeding in making the battle not to laugh more difficult.

“Stop.” He drawled.

“Okay, okay.” You pinched your thumb and forefinger together and drew them across your lips, but he waited, just in case you weren’t finished.

Satisfied that your jesting had ceased, he sighed. “She watched that bird fly back an’ forth.” Pulling a face, he lowered his head until his chin nearly touched his chest. “Asked if she liked the lil’ birdie an’ she looked at me. Was diff’rent that time. She knew me.” Using his thumb, he pushed the little hand off of his finger. “So—Birdie.” He sniffed. “An’ Jade just kinda—I dunno—fit?”

“That’s—” He looked up, a step shy of wincing, waiting for you to change your mind about the name. “That’s really sweet, Daryl.” It appeared that he almost smiled before scowling.

“Shuddup.” He slid a hand over his face, feeling the pull of exhaustion that he would never voice to you even though it was as plain as day. He may not have pushed the baby out, but his nerves were shot.

“Get some sleep. I’ll lie back down when she’s done.” You attempted but were met with what was bound to be a repetitive refusal.

“Ain’t making ya stay up alone with ‘er.” Pushing himself off the bed, he stalked over to the window and peered out. “Need to stay at least a lil’ alert anyway. Don’t know when we might hafta move on.”

“I’m sure one of the others is on watch. We have everything still in the bags. There’s no reason you can’t lie down and get some real rest.” You were shifting Birdie onto your shoulder to burp her, but watching your partner scan over what he could see outside. Daryl hummed and crossed his arms, laughing with a breath through his nose when Birdie burped, loud and sudden.

“Maybe we should’a named ‘er after Merle.”

You chuckled and moved the baby back into the bend of your arm, her little hand making its way into her mouth. The sounds of her sucking her fist were deafening in the otherwise silent room. You watched her for a moment, just enjoying the way she cooed and gurgled in between the attempts.

Daryl’s steps were near silent. In fact, you didn’t even know he was moving until the bed dipped beside you.

“Don’t she need, uh—well, both’a ‘em?”

“Huh?” His eyes were on your bare breast, still uncovered, your nipple pink and puckered. “Oh.” Daryl’s ears burned red. He was quick to throw his leg off the edge of the mattress and turn his back to you. “You’ve seen them before, Daryl.” He merely grunted so you left it alone. “She seems content, so I guess we can try for some more sleep?”

“Yeah, uh—” He rubbed at the nape of his neck. “Guess we should.”

You wrapped Birdie snugly in the blanket and placed her between the two of you. She wasn’t asleep but she seemed quite content with her fist. You’d take what you could get. Daryl laid down at the same time you did, but with his back to the two of you.

“Are you okay?” You chanced asking.

“Mhm. Sleep.”

He wasn’t very convincing, but lucky for him, you were too tired to try and coerce the truth out of him. Still, as your eyes closed and sleep began to carry you away, you could have sworn you heard him say your name within a troubled sigh.

All initial thoughts that Birdie was a quiet baby were gone by the next morning, before the sun had even graced the sky with its presence. She wailed relentlessly several times after only a brief reprieve. Feedings and diaper changes failed to soothe her, as did Daryl walking her around the room. You could see the dark smudges beneath the archer’s eyes and were certain your own would mirror them.

“Y’all gonna be alright?” He asked, his voice raspy, his feet dragging.

“Are you?” You countered, yawning and rocking the baby, the motion seeming to soothe her for the moment. Her eyes continued to slip shut until she somehow managed to startle herself awake, wriggling within her blanket before tiring out and repeating the cycle.

“M’a be fine.” He grunted and placed his bag and crossbow on the foot of the bed, a pause in his actions while you carefully laid down the baby, her little fists swinging outward and pulling back in a sedated motion. “Maybe she’ll sleep for ya now.”

“Maybe.” You stared at Birdie with the warmest of smiles, simply admiring how perfect she was, features of both you and Daryl already so prominent in her barely two day old face.

“Hey.”

“Hmm—oh.” You hadn’t even noticed him move, turning to find him standing over you, his hand already beside your face, tucking your hair behind your ear.

“So fuckin’ beautiful.”

Catching his wrist, you pulled his palm to your lips. “So fuckin’ sleep deprived.” He shrugged a shoulder and turned his hand to grip yours and pull you to your feet, flush against his chest. Dipping his head, he pressed his lips to yours, just as gentle as the hand that now cupped your cheek.

It didn’t take long for things to grow a little more heated, your fingers tugging at his hair while his gripped your waist, your mouths moving in sync, tongues exploring eagerly. When you felt the first rush of arousal, it burned, eliciting a squeak against his lips, and you pulled back.

“Ow, ow, ow.” Both hands clutched the crotch of your sweats.

“Ow? S’wrong?” It was difficult to focus on him reaching toward you—but not touching—when he was so obviously hard beneath the rough fabric of his jeans.

“Six weeks, remember?” You moved slowly to seat yourself on the mattress, your core aching. “I think half of my vagina is still in the van.”

“Ya gotta be so vulgar?” He ducked his head, face flushed all the way to the tips of his ears.

You laughed, covering your mouth to quiet yourself, your eyes darting over to the sleeping baby. When you turned back, Daryl was giving you that smirk that might have melted your panties had you not been so sore that you were certain the pain had already finished that job.

“Hey, pot, I’m kettle.” Lips curved into a smile, you pushed yourself from the bed and wrapped your arms around his middle, head on his chest. “We’ll be fine. You go, so you can get back to us.”

Daryl pulled back just enough for you to look up, his finger hooking beneath your chin. This kiss was gentle, unhurried, ending before it could once again attempt to transform into something you couldn’t have.

“I’ll be back soon. Keep ‘er safe.” He stroked the apple of your cheek with his thumb. “You stay safe.”

You nodded. “I will. I promise.” After a moment, he dropped his hand and returned your nod with a jerk of his chin. Watching him grab his gear, you frowned. You didn’t want him to go, but you knew he was right. You needed the meat. You needed to be able to nurse Birdie. Finding formula would be next to impossible, one of those things survivors would have fought, killed, and died to obtain.

Daryl stopped at the other side of the bed, bending carefully to press his lips to little Birdie’s forehead. “Be good for your mama.” The baby slept on, completely unbothered. When he straightened and adjusted his bag, his attention turned to you. “See ya soon.”

He was halfway out the door when you quietly called his name. “I love you, asshat.” He smiled at you, warm and genuine albeit small, patting the door frame before stepping out. With a sigh, you dropped your eyes to your sleeping daughter. “Just you and me for a bit, Birdie.” Lying down continued to be one of the best reliefs you had ever felt. “And I am going to sleep.” Your eyes had no more than closed when the newborn grunted and began to shift around. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Sunrise came and went, dousing your hopes of any real rest. Exhausted, you wrapped a crying Birdie in her blanket and shuffled out of the room where Carol was tending to some oatmeal over a small fire. “Carol.” You sniffled, lip wobbling. You were just too tired to try and hide it. The woman looked up with a smile that vanished as soon as she saw your state.

“Oh, honey.” The smile returned, softer and full of understanding.

“How do I turn her off?” You stood a few feet away, softly rocking and bouncing to no avail. Birdie was determined to call every walker in the vicinity.

“Here, let me take her.” You turned to find Lori approaching, arms open, and passed your bundle off to her without a second thought. “Come on.” Supporting Birdie on one arm, she was able to take your hand and lead you back to the bedroom.

“She just—nothing helps. Not even Daryl taking her. I don’t think she likes us.” You gingerly sat down on the bed and observed, Lori bending awkwardly with her rounded belly and your daughter. She grabbed up one of the bags and sat it beside you.

“She loves you both, sweetheart. She’s just doing what babies do. Can you get a pacifier out for me, please?”

You nodded feebly, wiping at your face before beginning the search. You were pretty sure you knew what a pacifier looked like. You couldn’t rely on packaging. Carol had removed everything that could possibly go in Birdie’s mouth and boiled it.

“One of these?” You held up a small bag of binkies with a desperately hopeful expression. Lori smiled.

“That’s them. Good job, mama.”

You passed one to her—green with a little frog on the end—while she shushed and cooed at your disgruntled baby. “Is something—did I do something wrong?”

“Not at all. She may be gassy or—has your milk come in yet?” With a finger gently holding the pacifier in Birdie’s mouth, she watched you. The baby finally accepted it and quieted almost immediately. You sighed in relief.

“How would I know—about the milk?”

“Well, for starters, if those bra pads aren’t drenched when you’re getting up to feed her, then it likely hasn’t.”

Your stomach clenched and rolled. You shook your head. “Is she—am I starving her?”

“No, honey.” She sat next to you, patting the baby’s bottom rhythmically as she swayed side to side. “She may not be fully satisfied, but she’s not starving. Maybe we can send the boys out to find some formula to supplement.”

You couldn’t mask the stricken expression, just too damn tired. “When—how long does it take?”

“Stress and nutrition have a lot to do with it, and let’s face it. We’re abundant in one and lacking in the other.” Using her belly to help support Birdie’s weight, she reached out and smoothed a hand over your hair and then cupped your cheek. “Why don’t you lie down? Carol and I can watch the baby and—”

“Birdie.” You smiled fondly. Lori beamed at you.

“That’s so sweet.”

You nodded, feeling proud of your partner’s choice. “Daryl picked it. Birdie Jade.”

“Well, Carol and I will watch Miss Birdie Jade. I’ll bring her in to nurse and you can get some good sleep in between. How’s that sound?”

“Like you two are fucking angels.”

“You Dixons and your mouths.” She chuckled. You straightened and blinked. You weren’t a Dixon. Is that how they saw your relationship with Daryl? Swallowing hard, you ducked your head, actually being the one to blush. “Don’t think on it too hard.” Lori chuckled with a wink, levering her way upright. “Get some sleep.”

As intriguing and terrifying as the thoughts she had sparked were, you didn’t need to be told twice.

“Y/N! Y/N, wake up!” Carol’s voice was frantic, her grip on your shoulder tight and hurried. You shot upright, the fog of sleep clouding your awareness, panic gripping your heart from her tone.

“What? What’s wrong? Where’s Birdie?” You were clambering off of the bed, Carol steadying you when you staggered, still under the intense clutches of exhaustion.

“Lori has her. Come on, we have to go.” She shouldered one of the bags and shoved the other toward you. “A herd, we have to move.” She bolted toward the door and out of your sight.

“Okay, okay!” You stumbled out after her clumsily pulling the bag over your shoulders, looking back to ensure you had everything. The room was so simple, even under the gaze of your bleary eyes. It was the first room you had shared with Daryl and Birdie. Where you had felt like a family. It shouldn’t hurt as much as it did. The farm was a sensible loss to mourn, but this was a room. A simple room in a random house.

“Y/N!” You heard Carol’s voice ring out from somewhere nearby.

“Fuck.” You said with genuine sorrow. The moment the little bundle in Lori’s arms came into view, a weight lifted from your chest. “Please.” You held out your arms even as Rick and T-Dog bellowed for everyone to run. Lori passed Birdie to you, barely a glimpse of her little face before you began to run.

“The truck won’t start!” Glenn was running toward you, taking down two walkers in his path.

“Damnit! Everyone to the van!” Rick ordered, stopping to usher everyone ahead of himself.

Birdie jostled against your chest as you ran, thankfully she seemed content with the movement, continuing to sleep. The walkers’ numbers were growing thicker around you. Carol, Maggie, and Glenn were circling you, Lori, Carl, and Beth but it wasn’t enough.

Daryl.

Using your forearm and hand, you stabilized Birdie as best you could, drawing your knife. Stabbing the closest walker, you kicked it off your blade and spun for the next, repeating the process. Over and over, you held your ground until you were panting and aching, but they just kept coming, hindering your slow trek to the van. It wasn’t until a cold, dead hand twisted into the baby’s blanket and tugged that you absolutely saw red. Your hold on her was unyielding, the strength of a mother that you didn’t realize you had until that moment.

Daryl, please.

Severing the hand at the wrist, you stabbed the walker in the eye, kicking it to the ground. Bowing over your baby, you ran, using your momentum and your body to plow through the undead toward the van, knocking them off balance just enough to allow your continued sprint until you were opening the back hatch and climbing inside, closing it behind you.

Daryl, we need you.

You knew that extra second that one of your friends would need to take to open up the van could mean life or death, but your sole focus was on Birdie. You unwrapped her and pulled down the zipper of her sleeper, turning her this way and that to inspect for scratches or bites, finding her skin unmarred.

“Oh, thank god.” She was wailing by that time but calmed into hiccups on your shoulder, the warmth of your body and her blanket enough to soothe her for the time being. “Good job, baby. You’re okay. Mama’s here. You’re okay.”

She’s okay, Daryl.

The hatch opened, your knife in your hand as if walkers had suddenly evolved and could work the handle, but as Carol and the others began to filter inside, you exhaled and sank against the back of the passenger seat. Lori made her way to you with a certain amount of difficulty.

“Is she okay? Are you?”

You nodded, unable to articulate the relief that was suppressing your ability to form words.

Both front doors swung open, Rick and T-Dog climbing inside.

“Roll call!” The former deputy shouted, starting the vehicle just before you heard—and felt—the tires catch on the gravel in search of traction.

You could already see every face accounted for, but allowed the system, if for nothing more than to ease Rick’s mind.

“What about Daryl?” You asked quickly, the words tripping over one another as they exited your mouth.

“We’ll leave him some clues. You know how good he is at tracking. He’ll find us.”

Rick spoke nothing but the truth. Still, the thought of Daryl alone was enough to make your stomach hurt, your heart beat a little faster. He’d be beside himself with worry for his daughter, for you. You didn’t want to imagine that experience. Birdie was safe in your arms, but Daryl wasn’t at your side and you could hardly stand it.

Birdie stirred, squeaking, her little face growing red. “Ssh.” You soothed, turning your back to everyone, facing the side of the interior and the window. Arranging your shirt and bra, you situated the baby to your breast, her little lips wrapping around the nipple to suckle eagerly. Still, you could sense her unease. She knew as well as you did that her daddy wasn’t close by, a stressor she’d expressed even from within your womb.

“It’s okay, Birdie girl. Daddy will find us.”

Hopefully soon.

Gazing out the window, you watched the trees fly by in blurred mixtures of brown and green, most of the leaves still missing from the cold weather. You saw Daryl’s face in every gap, heard his voice whisper reassurance.

Stay safe, love.