#ill probably do it just the once and then tag the author in tags instead afterwards

[utb-art-dump]

Ceo of Hillview

Bonus colourless version:

Character by @not-poignant

[nanistar]

may i ask why you hate mapleshade? like is it more of a fandom thing/author thing or do you just not like her character? sorry if thats a weird question lol

i think the idea behind her character is cool but the erins are the erins and they fucked it up imo. also the way the fandom treats any discussion about her and other characters in her book is so annoying i cannot stand going into the mapleshade tag on tumblr

which is a shame cause like i said, i really like the concept of her character and i feel like it had alot of potentional

not a weird question, i get it. i gotta start by saying i have no ill will against people who like mapleshade or even like the points i'm about to say. btw! sorry this is long i got really into it

starting chronologically (according to canon, not publication)(publication order is: all ivypool darkforest books (2011 and prev) crookeds promise (2011), great battle (last hope 2012, she permadies here) and maples vengeance (2015)

i actually really liked mapleshade's vengeance, all things considered. it comes last in the mapleshade storyline according to publication date, and up until then we really didn't know much about her, and i believe this is where she gets a personality other than "random DF lady" and "rude ghost villain". the erins are not good writers by any means, but i felt that mapleshade's internal monologue and the way she saw the world was genuinely pretty decent. they portrayed her as obsessive and manipulative and as an unreliable narrator. it was one of the first books i read upon returning to the fandom in 2018 and it was a thrill to read, because i hadn't been spoiled on it.

the erins have a habit of writing surprise/accidental pregnancies as plot points, which has the implication of like… flings/one night stands. it's best not to think about it. it's pretty obvious upfront that appledusk is not as in to her as she is in to him, but she doesn't see it. she talks about him in her narrations as a sweet and loving man and talks about their family and future together, but when we the readers finally see him, he's calloused and doesn't really care about her. i think she even sees him with reedshine at a gathering and gets mad before she thinks "oh he's just doing that so no one gets suspicious" (not quoting or anything, i havent read the novel since 2018) girl. their relationship was obviously just a fling to him, but to her they were in love. i liked the way this was written as opposed to all the other times in warriors weve seen a man have a hissy fit because a girl rejected him. (ashfur is the glaring example but also crowfeather, brambleclaw) her denial and refusal to accept what she was seeing (that she was the side piece) was the interesting part.

she has her children and then ravenwing spills the beans. why on earth would he do that? why would it benefit the clan or anyone? from a logistical standpoint, thunderclan lost 3 potential new warriors and mapleshade never implied she was going to riverclan. anyway, he didn't even have proof. he just assumed. i think he rightfully got what was coming for him, since if he would have kept his mouth shut, 7 cats including himself wouldn't have died. sorry mini rant i don't like him. anyway we know the rest of the story. kits die, maple kills ravenwing for telling her secret, she kills frecklewish for not helping (no, she couldn't have jumped in to save the kits without probably dying herself but she COULD have stood up for maple in thunderclan, and she was upstream so she could have yelled out and warned maple of the flood but im NOT getting into that and i dont care) and then she goes to kill reedshine but kills appledusk instead. did he deserve it? he was kinda a dick but mapleshade was like stalker-obsessed with him (i think she uses the phrase "my appledusk" in her narration but i might be wrong) after what was ostensibly a one night stand. perchpaw wounds mapleshade to the point where once she flees the scene, she dies of blood loss. cool

the story of a mothers love (and a mother's loss) is an age-old tale. in a franchise where all female characters are doomed to become boring cookie-cutter mothers, this loss and violent rage was awesome.

everyone told me to read crookedstar's promise, because it was the best super edition. i.. do not agree with that. tbh i thought it was long and boring and went nowhere. crookedstar suffered many tragedies in his life, and he lost everyone he loved, and then the book suddenly ends with him going "im ok (:" and dying. (i was reading a pdf and not a physical copy so it was VERY abrupt for me. i legit sat there like.. so that's it? i read 500+ pages for that?) i can't really blame mapleshade for this (since shes not real) but it does factor in. her idea of revenge against appledusk was to torture an injured baby? who then grew up and had no idea who the fuck appledusk was? why not raise him and give him the love he craved so that when the time came, he would be more likely to do her bidding?? her motives here make no sense. not super important. anyway.

and then she's seen occasionally in the dark forest and she tries to drown ivypaw for no reason once. idk she was obviously just a background character in these scenes (since they came first) but the fans saw a female in the dark forest and were like. thank god a woman. can you blame them. then the erins built her up from that.

anyway mapleshade has this generations long story of manipulating younger cats, and a POV book where she's obviously obsessive, controlling, stalkerish and chooses brutally uncommon violence as a way to get back at those who wrong her. (she unburies ravenwing's body so crows can eat it, and she uses adders to kill frecklewish, despite the fact the snakes could easily go for her.) she puts HERSELF in danger to do these things because she's impulsive, she justifies all her actions to herself by saying its revenge for her children and in the end, she pushes the last remnants of the kittens she thinks she's fighting for away. this is a cool story about a woman who's pushed to the edge and takes everyone down with her. for ONCE its not a man with deadwifepain.

and what does the fandom do

they girlbossify her. they fight over if she's in the wrong or not (she is. she killed people.) they take everything about her that made her compelling and turn her into "grr my husband cheated on me and me kids are dead. sad." she gets turned into the most basic, boring, cookie cutter "evil" lady. she kills people for fun and not because she had a reason to or a goal (in her mind). she suffers the most tragic kind of loss that there is and gets no time to grieve before she is run out of her home, and her reaction to this is pure RAGE, and the fandom turns her into this boring, slay QUEEN!!! (not the pregnant cat kind), always been evil, always been hardcore, ~So CrAzY~, "my eyeliner is sharp to stab men" girlboss. where's the nuance. where's the passion!!? she's a miserable, impulsive, manipulating failure. she blames others for her mistakes and bad judgment and punishes others for her shortfallings. she can't be vulnerable and broken, she can only cry because dead kids and then kill evil husband and evil husbands wife. she's even sometimes portrayed as like "boss" of the dark forest, wrangling all the men. barf.

so to answer your question, it's the general fandom* portrayal that i hate, but i honestly wouldn't trust the erins with her at this point. (the erins are influenced by their fans, for example (old person voice) back in my day, firestar and scourge being brothers was just a fan theory.) i'm glad they permakilled her in the great battle so they cant bring her back to ruin anything. actually thinking about her to write this out and reflect on why i don't like her made me sympathize for her. i like text mapleshade with a little bit of fanon sprinkled in for flavor.

and hey. usually when the fandom adopts a character, they're right. the fandom likes to get really in to random bg/side characters and give them lives they would never have in canon. but sadly (or not, depending on your opinion), when those get popular and breach containment, they spread everywhere and suddenly people think this IS canon. look at how many of us thought that brambleclaw killed hawkfrost directly after he killed hollyleaf, because that was the easy way to portray the great battle in MAPs, only to have someone point out, years after this has become the common sequence of events, that brambleclaw actually hunts him down, brings him back to camp, and then murders him POW style!!!

*btw. im in no way saying that all mapleshade-based projects or aus or whatever are bad, even if she is sexy girlboss in them. some of my favorite maps portray her like that.

anyway. TLDR:

everyone say "i'm sorry mapleshade"

[temnurus]

Recent Wangxian Faves

It's been a while since I compiled a general rec list, & I've read a metric ton of fics already this year. Here are ten of my more recently read favorites, some of which I've even read twice already because they were just that good! Y'all know the drill with me and smutty fics, so I hope no one is surprised when all of these are rated Explicit, haha. Sex isn't the theme of all of them, certainly, but it is present in all of them to some degree. Please note that these are listed in no particular order. Now, without further ado, onto the recs!

heart notes by spookykingdomstarlight (E, 92,632)

Thoughts: This fic had the most unique jobs for them that I think I’ve seen yet, & it was wild how well suited they turned out to be. Lan Zhan as a perfumer is one of my new favorite things that I never knew I needed, but here we are. The regret hung so heavy throughout most of this fic, & my heart ached for both of them. As hard as I typically find break up & make up fics to read, this one was 100% worth the angst. The love that went into writing it was so obvious, & it was just beautiful. I reveled in Lan Zhan being a master of his craft, & Wei Ying wanting so badly to help him when he was in trouble & ultimately became his champion when he so desperately needed one brought me to tears. Read this. Plainly put, it’s a masterpiece, & I loved it so much.

as the sun will rise by vespertineflora (E, 125,858)

Thoughts: This fic rocketed into my top five the instant I finished it. Probably even before that, to be completely honest. I love Beauty & the Beast AUs, which this was even though the author just used the Fairy Tale AU tag instead of being more specific. There aren’t really tentacles, but it was fair to include the tags for comparison because the vines work the same way, basically. Well, minus ejaculation. The only one doing that until near the end of the fic is Wei Ying, not that anyone’s complaining, haha.

Do mind the tags because this did get a bit emotionally heavy, particularly if you’re sensitive to Major Character Injury. I thoroughly enjoyed Wei Ying & Lhan Zhan’s characterizations & their dynamic. The writing was superb, & there was an engaging & interesting plot besides the titillating monster-fucking going on. I’ve pretty much read this twice already, & I have zero doubts there are many more rereads in my future. I sincerely urge anyone to give this one a try. It was so, so good!

you'll always know me by anaphoricae (E, 127,006)

Thoughts: Oh, this was so, so good. I’m a delicate flower who wilts during break up & make up fics, & this one was no exception to that rule. It was so gorgeous though. We got glimpses into their past throughout the nonlinear narrative & got to see each of their points of view at different parts of the story. I was particularly enamoured of Lan Zhan’s side of things, but that isn’t too surprising at this point because his pining for Wei Ying is always so relateable to me, ha.

And on that note, his pain was excruciating & deeply felt during the parts that covered their separation. I cried more than once as a result. The awkwardness & tension of their reunion quickly gave way to the magnetic pull between them, & I was practically glued to my seat until I finished this fic. The feelings were all so intense, & I loved every minute of it. Highly, highly recommend it.

Cloud Nine by mssdare (E, 80,064)

Thoughts: I loveloveloved this! I’d seen Wei Ying as a YouTuber before but not Lan Zhan, so it was a very neat thing to see him doing. I didn’t think it would suit him at first, but the author made it work perfectly. The tags were heavy, but the fic was mostly about the aftermath of Wei Ying’s mental breakdown when he came out of treatment & was trying to adjust to life in the real world again. I felt for him so strongly in this, & I appreciated the author’s respectful but unvarnished depiction of living with mental illness, including the often difficult time one can have dealing with the side effects of medication.

All the people who cared about Wei Ying touched my heart in this fic, but of course Lan Zhan was his number one. Lan Zhan’s ASMR videos being so comforting to Wei Ying during his recovery made me want to cry, & the slow burn of their developing relationship was really beautiful, not to mention satisfying. It did of course earn the angst with a happy ending tag, but there wasn’t nearly as much angst as one might expect with the subjects the fic touched on, just in case that’s comforting for anyone.

With No Particular Affection by Chrononautical (E, 92,397)

Thoughts: I love me a good arranged marriage fic, & this one was particularly good for a modern day AU. The idea that Wei Ying must marry Lan Zhan in order to save his family’s business is admittedly a flimsy excuse, but who are we to complain when it gives us stories like this? I’m certainly not going to, haha. The misunderstanding in this one was agonizing due to an overheard conversation, & I literally wanted to cry whenever the title phrase popped up in the fic.

However, the author balanced it with adorable interactions between Wei Ying, A’Yuan, & Lan Zhan, particularly all the fantastic fluffy domesticity after their nuptials. It was definitely a bumpy road on their way to happiness, including some corporate espionage! This fic had a little bit of everything, & I enjoyed everything it had to give us, including a very satisfying (and happy!) ending.

Comfortable Silence by WritersBlock823 (E, 65,072)

Thoughts: Oh, this was such a satisfying read. It’s now easily one of my favorite college/university AUs. I loved the randomness of their first encounter & how it led to them becoming roommates. The angst surrounding Lan Zhan being deaf & how that affected his interpersonal relationships was handled with care & respect by the author, & Wei Ying respecting Lan Zhan’s autonomy & his thoughtfulness when it came to communication between them made me cry a couple times. They both had painful memories to work through, & those moments could be brutal & emotionally exhausting but in a cathartic way, at least in my opinion. The smut was super hot, & I was thrilled with their happy ending. They totally deserved it, but then they always do.

i'm the one for your fire by occultings (E, 42,931)

Thoughts: What can I say? This is yet another gem by occultings. It motivated me to watch the source material for the AU before I allowed myself to read the fic, & I’m so very glad I did. I would’ve enjoyed it without the context, but it undoubtedly let me enjoy the fic just that much more. The concept alone was enough to have me laughing, but the fic delivered on it even more. Lan Zhan’s thoughts were so compelling, particularly the dirty ones, but then again, I’m a huge pervert, so don’t mind me, haha. This fic was sexy & sweet & had a little bit of everything. I highly recommend it, as well as the BL drama/manga that inspired it.

Hanlong by Alexandra_Kreuz & micratus (E, 282,550)

Thoughts: This fic blew my fucking socks off. It was absolutely phenomenal. One of the best Modern Cultivation AUs I’ve read, & that’s saying something because there are some big contenders in that category. I found it very original while still having perfect characterization for all my favorite people. It even convinced me that Wen Ning & Xue Yang was a viable ship! (At least in a modern AU where XY isn’t the absolute worst, heh).

The slow burn was real, but it was so fun seeing everyone come together for the different lecture series held in rotating sect territories each year during their teens. The plot was superb, being both action packed, angsty as fuck, & full of the best romance on a low simmer until it finally flares into full on yearning in adulthood. I loved every single minute, & I very much hope you will, too.

backfire by spookykingdomstarlight (E, 115,570)

Thoughts: Please, please, please mind the tags. If any of them are triggers or squicks for you, I’d advise against this one. That said, I 100% loved it. No notes. The angst was heavy for sure, but the author’s notes clarified anything scary, & the major ouches were mostly off screen &/or not graphic.

Lan Zhan & Mo Xuanyu’s relationship was agonizing for me to read, but it was so obvious that Lan Zhan had been in love with Wei Ying all along (to everyone but Wei Ying, of course). I was glad Mo Xuanyu didn’t consider Lan Zhan’s feelings as infidelity even though Lan Zhan himself struggled with guilt over it. The author included the tag as a courtesy but clarified this in the author’s note. I can’t abide cheating, so I was grateful for it.

The slow burn was real, & I was mad with impatience by the time it actually got to any BDSM between Lan Zhan & Wei Ying. It was totally worth the wait, though. People who haven’t experienced spooky’s writing might be surprised by the depth of emotion in this work when it’s set in a world where BDSM roles are a biological trait, but I promise you this is a feature in ALL of their fics. They’re just saturated with feelings & absolutely gorgeously written. They’re my favorite Wangxian author for a reason, ha.

Caught in 4k series by KizuKatana (E, 184, 553)

Thoughts: This was brilliant & brutal at the same time. The sheer unfairness of the events surrounding Wei Ying’s expulsion from the Jiang sect was appalling. Yu Ziyuan was definitely villainized here, but it made sense & worked for the plot. It made me hate her even more than usual, but that was sort of the point, ha. Wen Qing was the real MVP with the way she went to bat for Wei Ying & basically adopted him into her family. It happened so naturally that no one even had time to question it or think about it too much. I loved his found family, as I always do.

Wei Ying & Lan Zhan butting heads so disastrously at first was rather dismaying after everything else Wei Ying had been through, but the way Lan Zhan fell for him so hard & so completely (as he tends to do, lol) more than made up for it. The social media aspects of this were both engaging & fun. I even enjoyed the extras, & sometimes I don’t bother reading those after a long fic if they don’t hook my interest with the summaries. I can’t recommend this highly enough. This author has quickly become one of my favorites.

[allthelittlecreepycrawlies]

Originally another thread for @grtr3's little sangyaoFES, this one got even more heavily edited than the other, with a whole ending added and such. Could be read as a prequel to A Second Glance

Title: The Golden Cure

Ship: pre-SangYao

Tags: Sickfic, Mostly Fluff, Author Has Nothing Witty This Time

------------

His new sect leader had warned him that of all the sect territories, Qinghe Nie's was the coldest when winter hit.

Staring out at the heavy piles of snow as he shivered, Meng Yao thought that Nie Mingjue had still managed to undersell just how cold it could be this far north.

Well, there was nothing else to be done for it. He'd lit both of the censers that had come with the room, had worn the warmest of the clothing he'd taken from the disciple stores he’d been shown, and was wrapped in the heaviest of the blankets he'd been provided.

And still he shivered.

He turned his attention back to his desk, trying to concentrate on the day's unfinished records, but it was only a matter of moments before another set of harsh, chest rattling coughs escaped his mouth.

"Here."

Blinking through watering eyes, Meng Yao found a little golden bear on a stick being held in front of his face.

"What is it?" he asked, hating how rough and alien his voice sounded.

"It's made of salted jin ju paste and honey. It'll help with the pain in your throat," Nie Huaisang said as he laid down a tea tray with more of the bears sticking out of a jar and a pot of tea that had a strong smell of xiangcheng fruit.

Meng Yao took the stick, eyeing the golden bear a little warily, then popped it into his mouth.

The taste wasn't bad. He could see using these for flavoring tea on occasions.

He watched as Nie Huaisang poured them both full cups, and then took notice of the faint tremor in his hands and how pale he was.

Oh. 

Now he remembered overhearing his sect leader discussing winter preparations with the head of the infirmary hall, and one of the topics had been supplies for when his younger brother’s health took a dive "like it does every winter."

Which meant Nie Huaisang probably knew about all kinds of remedies and treatments for bad weather illness from personal experience.

Reassured, he simply rested his too-heavy head on his hand, letting the honey bear slowly melt in his mouth.

"This is your first northern winter, isn't it?" Huaisang asked as he set a steaming cup in front of him.

"Mm-hmm."

"Ouch, and with this one predicted to be especially harsh, too. On the bright side, with how hard you've been working, you should have your core built up enough that next winter will hardly touch you."

Meng Yao took the bear out of his mouth to speak. "If that's the case, why are you so adamant about not improving yours?"

Huaisang rolled one shoulder in a little half-shrug. "Most of my health issues are things I was born with. And some of them a core just can't fix unless I were to break all the way through to immortality."

A fair point, though it made Meng Yao a little morose about his own training goals. He rather hoped that the pain from cold spearing into injuries that had never fully healed wouldn't be on the list of things a stronger core couldn't fix.

"Then I will defer to your medical knowledge,” he said instead of any of those thoughts, pushing his uncertain feelings down deep.

Nie Huaisang snorted, amused. "Medical knowledge, he says. All I know is the stuff healers do to make picky kids not complain about how bad medicine tastes."

Still, the honey bear was helping soothe the roughness all the coughing had left in his throat. "It's good advice all the same. Thank you."

Nie Huaisang grinned at the praise, then motioned to the tea cup he'd set out. "Once you finish a couple of bears and the tea, we're heading to storage to get you some proper fur blankets, okay? Then I'm going to order you some heavier robes. Though… actually…" 

Meng Yao looked up, not liking the frown on Nie Huaisang's face as he tapped his cheek in thought. "Gongzi?" he asked hesitantly around the honey bear.

"You should have had winter clothing and blankets given to you already. Didn't one of the quartermasters talk to you?"

He could tell the truth; that when he’d picked up his first allotment of supplies on being brought to the Unclean Realms, the man who’d handed them over had snidely implied that it was all the generosity he’d be getting from the sect, and anything more would be coming out of his pay. 

While no one had actually made good on that threat, they'd given him enough runaround that he'd learned to stop requesting anything months ago.

He could say so. Nie Huaisang would believe him.

He could-

No. 

No, he wasn’t going to do that. 

Bad enough that there were some who mockingly accused him of hiding behind the sect leader; he didn’t want to give them any ammunition to use against his tentative relationship with the young master as well. 

He bit the last little part of the melted bear off the stick and laid it down. “Things have been busy. We probably just missed crossing paths,” he said.

“Hrm… If you say so,” Huaisang murmured, still looking dubious. “Alright, then. Next time you need something, come to me first, got it?”

“Your brother already disapproves of your spending, gongzi. Won’t he get angry?”

“He complains about inks or aviary supplies, he can’t complain when I’m making sure his best aide doesn’t spend the whole season sick because he’s not been equipped for the weather.”

A fair point. 

He still probably shouldn't be allowing this. While it wasn't the same as Nie Huaisang pulling heir rank on his behalf, everyone in the sect knew he wouldn't personally go commissioning clothing and such for just anyone.

Ah, but that particular ship had already sailed, evidenced by the braids and guan in his hair.

(And the little custard cakes that appeared like magic in his desk drawer on occasion, but no one knew about those besides the two of them.)

And… honestly… a part of him enjoyed the fact that his young master saw him as someone he wanted to spoil. Someone his young master would make the effort for.

He smiled as he reached for the next bear on a stick Nie Huaisang held out to him.

"Very well. I accept your offer."

[xokiddo]

fallen

—Fandom: Chainsaw Man —Pairing: Angel Devil/Hayakawa Aki

—Summary:

Aki visits his family's grave, just as he does every year. This time, he has a devil for company, and he finds that he doesn't mind - in fact, he welcomes it. If only because it's Angel at his side.

—Word Count: 817 words —Tags/Content Warnings: no content warnings. canon universe, but ambiguous on timing. feels and fluff, a tiny bit of angst/comfort. safe for anime onlies!

—Author's Note: this is an excerpt from a longer AkiAngel oneshot that I'm writing, but I'm hoping that if I share this snippet, I'll be motivated to actually finish rather than hop between a dozen projects lol

Read below the cut.

Aki dreads his visits to Hokkaido every year.

This year, it’s in the transitionary period between fall and winter, just before the prefecture will be coated in snow. He usually comes alone, but this year, the Angel Devil trails behind him as they walk down to the Hayakawa grave. The evening air is frigid, but damp enough to make the occasional breeze feel biting. Aki barely notices, curling his fingers tighter around the bouquet of flowers in his hold, the paper protecting the stems crinkling as he stops walking.

The tombstone in front of him is large enough to encompass three names. Three names that he hasn’t spoken aloud in years.

Three names that Aki hasn’t shared with another person since the day they died.

Aki can feel Angel’s eyes on his back, curious about the single grave but respectful enough to give him space. For once, Aki wishes that Angel wouldn’t follow social norms and would instead fill the silence with his soft, melodic voice. He would settle for Angel’s questions, maybe an ill-timed remark, or a complaint about how it’s getting late and they need to get food.

Sighing, Aki only hears the wind whistle in his ears, making his cheeks burn.

Every year that passes, Aki feels his goal slip further away. Despite finding pieces of Gun Devil flesh, he’s left just as hopeless as he was on that day, having found no leads as to where the Gun Devil resides or how to kill it.

He thinks of the Kyoto devil hunters that insulted him, said that he pissed them off. How they’re rooting for him even if they think he’s chasing a phantom.

Taiyo, who always was his loudest supporter, is dead and silent in the ground. Aki wonders if Taiyo would tell him to move on with his life, or if Taiyo would simply declare that he thinks Aki can do it, just like he did everything else.

“Aki,” Angel says softly from his side. “It’s beginning to snow.”

Aki blinks, looking down at the flowers and watching flurries speckle the petals white.

He hums in acknowledgement, his gaze sliding back to the grave. “It is.”

He steps forward to place the flowers on the ground, propping them against the headstone. He begins to straighten, but pauses, looking at the black gloves on his hands. He flexes his fingers once, realizing the stiffness is from how thin his gloves are, poorly protecting his hands.

Slowly, he pulls the gloves from his hands, and he carefully puts them beside the bouquet on the ground.

“They’re not baseball gloves, but I hope they’ll do, Taiyo,” Aki murmurs, bowing his head as he speaks.

As Aki stands, Angel tilts his head, looking up with confusion in his face. “It’s freezing,” he remarks, glancing down to Aki’s bare hands and back up again. “Won’t your hands get cold?”

Aki lifts his hands, holding his palms up as he sees the tops are already pink. His fingers twitch, as if to close into a fist, but he drops his hands to his sides and turns to Angel.

“Probably,” Aki agrees. “But I’ll be okay. We should get back to Denji and Power in the room.”

Angel frowns, clearly not understanding Aki’s train of thought. Aki grabs the sleeve of Angel’s jacket between his thumb and forefinger, pulling him along so they begin to walk. Angel bites back a quip about how Aki shouldn’t touch him without gloves, instead moving a step away so Aki has to drop his sleeve.

“Who was Taiyo?” Angel asks, his voice barely above a whisper. He looks over at Aki, long strands of red blowing back from his face as the breeze blows past. His halo gives him a warm light on his face, illuminating the color in his cheeks and nose from the cold air.

“My little brother,” Aki tells him, momentarily letting his thoughts wander; Angel looks ethereal, and Aki is shocked to find that it’s a welcome thought.

Angel looks back ahead, clearly unsure of what to say that could be of comfort to Aki.

Aki lets his gaze linger, watching Angel’s wings twitch as another gust of wind cuts through them. Feeling a rush of boldness—or recklessness, perhaps—he reaches out and wraps his fingers loosely around Angel’s wrist, over the jacket. He’s dangerously close to the end of the jacket sleeve, where there’s a sliver of skin exposed between Angel’s jacket and glove. Angel shoots him a wide-eyed look that immediately shifts into a glare; when Aki only offers a slight uptick of the corners of his lips, Angel’s anger melts into something softer.

Angel’s face grows red as he looks away, and Aki thinks it doesn’t have anything to do with the cold.

He doesn’t let go until they leave the graveyard, the sun setting behind them as snow begins to cover the ground.

[himbos-hotline]

hey! while it’s disheartening and sucks to get hate comments, you should try to remember that the fics you write should be purely for your enjoyment. it’s stuff you like and want to share with the world, and some people find it and end up liking it a lot! you’d be surprised how many people probably read your fics and love it but don’t say anything bc they’re shy. unfortunately, there are a lot of hateful people on the internet and they will do anything to try and bring you down. you should try your best to ignore it (i know you probably don’t wanna hear this but it’s true). another way to get rid of hate is turn off anon on tumblr, if anyone sends you hate after then you can block them. you can also restrict comments on ao3. if you ever get a hate comment on ao3, you can also block or remove (i think) the comment. trust me, there are a lot of people who LOVE your work. just continue doing what you love. if you have haters, they’re most likely just jealous or miserable people. sorry for the long note, hope your day is good!

anon this is gonna sound really mean and I am PROMISING that it isnt, but I kinda just, need to reply to little bits of this message like were having a convo and im not arguing, im just..tired of being told the same thing [again not mad, clarifying stuff]

you should try to remember that the fics you write should be purely for your enjoyment

yes I know that, so is people baking or drawing. but if someone gets told "this cake kinda sucks." or "your drawing is wrong." they seem to be allowed to get upset but with writing its just "well youre writing for yourself!" Yeah, I know that and I am. But if I was writing for myself, I wouldnt be sharing it. People wouldnt be requesting it. if it was just for me. I wouldnt have an ao3 account. im writing for ME but im posting and sharing for other people, the people who ask for said fics, people who are my friends, people who like the ships, the fandom cuz fandoms simply do not exist without fanworks, not creations. were not getting paid for this. AT ALL! Like you cant do fic commissions cuz youre just sitting fanfic and fandom culture back YEARS AND YEAR.

I am writing for me, why do writers always get that? why is it never "but youre editing for yourself" or "youre making gifs for yourself" or "well you are drawing for you."

and end up liking it a lot! you’d be surprised how many people probably read your fics and love it but don’t say anything bc they’re shy.

Please get over that shyness. Thats what anons are for, thats for like guest comments are for on ao3. thats what reblogs and nice tags are for. thats for recommending fics on PUBLIC spaces, not discord servers youve made privately. Please tell fanfic authors that you like their fics, please leave comments and draw fanart or whatever you want to do just share it with us! because otherwise writers are going to feel unloved and lost and NOT write anymore and then fandom spaces will, im sorry die cuz the whole point of fandom is we inspire each other, we lift each other up!

im sorry for ranting back at you anon, this ask was really sweet but there was just points that I had to put out, things I had to say because it gets kinda draining being treated differently as a writer than say an artist. Its just like if I drew, like really instead of once or twice a year. People wouldnt be going "youre drawing for yourself." also just the weird diconnect between like, people who write and other people who are making things in fandoms is upsetting because it takes so much work, so much dedication.

like sometimes it feels like people forget that me personally, am disabled and chronically ill. Im currently fighting off pheumonia, ive just gotten out of a very abusive and manipulative relationship where him not liking my writing was a big way he would control what I would do. writing is harder than what it should be right now. But I do love writing, I adore getting requests and every nice comment I get I reguarly go back to read and it means so so so much

[rumblelibrary]

Okay this may sound like an oddly detailed request but can you do a Laszlo x reader where Laszlo has been courting the reader for a while and has never met her father, because her father is dead or abandoned her at a young age or something like that and she never told Laszlo, but Laszlo is instant on meeting him for some reason or something like that?

Sorry if thats a weird request

Unofficial Meeting [Dr Laszlo Kreizler x Fem!Reader]

Word count: 1.8k

Warnings: a bit angsty, mention of old fashioned ideas

Author’s note: I hope you will like it and I respected your wishes <3

"Miss?"

The voice of your chamber maid called you distracting you from answering some correspondence.

"Yes?"

She smiled so widely as a bouquet of white roses and peonies was presented in front of you. She giggled as she was just so happy for you. You have been courted by Dr Laszlo Kreizler for some time now, but he never missed to send you flowers on a Saturday morning, it was his ritual since you two became serious.

"Those are so beautiful, miss"

She said excitedly before leaving you to read the note, she was probably living the romance through you which was quite weird but cute to witness.

You opened the card, Laszlo usually was a brief but intense poet, but this time the message was clear. Can I tempt you with a lunch at Delmonico's?

You frowned lightly before looking out of your window, his dark clothing making him strikingly visible in the greenery of the park in front of your house, he raised his hat for you and smiled.

Damn him and his top level courting.

You put your letters away and got ready spraying some perfume on you before going out, your maid helping you with your coat and hat.

When you stepped out of the front Door Laszlo was waiting in front of your gate.

"You could have called"

He smirked at you "it wouldn't have been a surprise" he concluded simply.

You smirked as it was true and you have also learned to admire the extent of Laszlo'd courtship. He was attentive and respectful, he knew when to trace a line to forbid any kind of bad talks. He was already famous for being a maverick and he didn't want to put that stigma on you too.

You obliged him as you walked your way together to the restaurant, he never failed to ask you about your day and your plans. he was very attentive and you reserved him the same tenderness asking him about his patients or latest articles.

Once you arrived at the restaurant you were brought to one of the best tables, Laszlo taking upon himself the honour to move your chair back behind you and then back toward you for you to sit comfortably.

"Thank you Laszlo"

He smiled proudly taking it as a compliment, but he looked rather stiff and tense for his usual mannerism toward you.

Once you ordered your meal he toyed with his glass of wine a bit attracting inevitably your attention.

"What is wrong?"

He looked at you surprised by your question, but he smiled because you sort of alleviated him from the weight of beginning what he wanted to ask.

"I was just wondering when I will be able to meet your father" he said just as directly as your question was "I met your grandmother and your uncles and aunts, I am missing somebody"

He said it quite easily as your mother had left this earth early for the standard and you regret she won't be able to see what an amazing man you met.

"You don't need to meet him"

He stared at you puzzled, what really concerned him wasn't your refusal, but more the hardness you showed into expressing it.

"I think I do"

You glared at him, your conversation briefly interrupted by the waiters landing the plates in front of the two of you.

He thanked them before looking back at you, your stern look still there.

You had discussions before but never of this size and also as much as he tried before to hint the theme of your father he wasn't acknowledged at all.

He also noticed how the rest of your family followed that same guideline, acting like they found you under a tree.

"I think it is something I have to do sooner or later"

You glared at him again.

"Stop it"

It was hard for him to stop. He was already launched on the theme and he was worse than a wild animal when he got fixated over a theme in particular.

You pushed some common ground theme while you ate. Like John or Sara's agency or other mundane things, but you hated to see the intensity in his look.

That question over and over into his mind.

You never hated to be with him as much as you did now.

You declined the offer of a dessert pretty quickly just wanting to go away.

Laszlo obliged and lead you back outside escorting you to your place.

"I don't mean to be invasive.."

"But you're" you confirmed to him "thank you for the lunch, I can walk myself home on my own”

You left him there moving after your house's gate.

He stood there biting the inside of his cheek nervously.

You didn't contact him any further on that day or the ones that followed, to be honest you avoided him and his flowers and attentions. You even stayed at home instead of attending places you were supposed to be, but where he also might find you.

Until your grandmother called you and you furiously ordered your maid to call the doctor and make him come at your place.

He arrived quicker than you expected. He was worried something happened, maybe you were ill and nobody told him.

When your maid showed him the way to your study and closed the door behind him he tried immediately to politely ask you about your state but your eyes burned holes like bullets in him.

“How dare you?” You growled at him. He stood still in front of you, his back straight even if you didn’t fail to notice the frown on his forehead.

“How dare you to call my grandmother? To ask her something I specifically told you I don’t want to share or talk or even mention? What is s hard about it? What makes you rightful to come bashing into my life asking for answers? “Y/N”

“No, no Y/N, you doctor, should learn to put a line between when you’re an alienist and when you’re a decent human being” you were being extra hard on him, but just earring your grandmother worried voice was enough to make you snap his neck.

He took your rage like a champion, even if he clearly was suffering it.

“Why is so important Laszlo? Why to see your mind at ease? It is just a man, somebody that doesn’t belong to my life, why you have to push it? Why you always have to push it?” “I just hoped..” “Hoped what? Hoped that a man that abandoned a pregnant woman while courting her was worth my time and thoughts? That I need to share my own life with somebody that wasn’t there? That never asked to meet me, or even see the woman he swore to every wind that he loved? That put my mother in the position of being considered a whore? How my grandma had to pretend I was hers to try give my mother a good shot at life?”

All those truths hit Laszlo like a bag of bricks, he was overwhelmed and saddened. Those situations were the ugliest in those times. Women always paying off the debts of the lust of men. The simple promise of a marriage just to gain something that could be tasted forever with a little more of wait. Just the human need to break a rule, just one, that revolutionary feeling that only losers at heart have. Because nobody makes a revolution over the expenses of a loved one.

“I had no idea” he concluded

“I hope you are satisfied now, your scientific mind has now all the puzzle pieces, now leave and let my family alone”

You could see his shoulders fall as you said that to him, his face paling in fear and sadness. He pressed his lips tight against each other, his jaw hurting as he didn’t know if at this point was really worth it to explain why he insisted so much. He ruined it, he tried to treat you with the white gloves and instead he hurt you even more.

“I apologise” he said staring at you, you letting him speak for the first time “I never meant to put you in such a position, I really just meant to be close to your family and I couldn’t see the fault in my own desires”

He admitted it but you didn’t wince, he crossed the line, he went too far and he needed to learn to respect the limits of others, not everyone needed to be under his care.

“I said you may leave”

He looked out of your window searching for words. Your anger was waving down as he looked so upset, and he should be.

“I am also a victim of our society in my own means, even if my behaviour is not excusable in any way, I stupidly fixated on the idea of doing things right with you and some things… Well, they teach us boys some things have to be asked to a father first”

You looked at him with a frown, you shook lightly your head as you didn’t understand his point and you were five seconds away from throwing him the vase with the latest flowers he sent you when you looked at him pul out a little velvet box from his inner pocket.

“The times are modern now, it was silly of me to try move past you like that” he leaned the box on your desk. He nodded at you respectfully leaving. You were left alone with that little box, you stared at it for a moment before moving closer to it.

You looked out of the window as you heard the gates closing and you watched Laszlo’s figure walk away.

Your eyes darted from his back to the box in front of you slowly opening it to find the ring of the dreams of any girl.

Tagged @cazzyimagines @lieutenantn @handmaiden-of-mischief@thesunflowersutra @zemomybeloved @fictionlandslanddreams @charistory @greeneyedblondie44 @apparrio @hb8301 @whatawildone @rhymerhymerhyme  @thehuiabird @lilith-blackrose @unbeatablecurlgirl @obsidianlaszlo @alindeluce @zemosimp05 @baronesszemo-blackwood @nocapesdahling

Let me know if you want to get tagged to my publications too <3

[stillness-in-green]

Why Deku's ultimatum to Overhaul is bad and he should feel bad

This is a bit outside my normal character wheelhouse, but I really need to get a rant about it off my chest, so here goes:

The Deku and Overhaul scene in Chapter 316 is terrible. It is fucking terrible.

I took a whirl around Overhaul's tag up through when the leaks first started dropping, but didn't immediately see anyone talking about why it's so fucking terrible, only concerns about letting Overhaul see Eri (understandable, but baseless, I think), some empathy towards Overhaul's current state (totally warranted!), some snark about Deku being So Done with Overhaul (haha because who cares about Deku's stated goal of trying to understand villains, right?), and, worst of all, some cooing about how Deku was being so compassionate and noble by offering Overhaul that olive branch.

Deku was not being compassionate and noble there. Deku was being arrogant, small-minded, and so shockingly cruel that it leaves me speechless that anyone could think his stunted and hard-hearted "offer" reflects well on him.

Deku's entire motivation in this arc has been wrestling with the realization that he might have been able to avoid some of the desperate battles of his past if he'd understood more about the villains he fought. He thought of three very specific people--Stain, Muscular, and Overhaul--as he reflected, "Maybe it wouldn't have had to go that way if I'd understood them better." He then thought of Gentle Criminal and La Brava, people who he’d come to some understanding of, who he’d been able to soften the conclusion of his battle with by going along with Gentle's fiction downplaying what had happened between them. The whole line of thought was intended to contextualize his newfound desire to save Shigaraki.

It soon became apparent that Stain, Muscular and Overhaul were, in fact, encounters that he would be revisiting, as a chance to see how he'd grown since he faced them, and as a dry-run on reaching out to villains that would give him a chance to practice ways he might reach out to Shigaraki when the time comes.

Well, based on his performance so far, the idea that Deku might be able to reach Shigaraki is laughable.

Firstly, his tentative questions to Muscular were ill-timed, all wrong for the middle of a battle. Muscular laughed him off, and I don’t think there’s any version of that scenario in which he would have done otherwise. Muscular was a huge threat, gleefully violent, disinterested in conversation about his history. Obviously, right in the middle of a fight was no kind of time to try to figure out what made the man tick! But Deku didn’t get the luxury of choosing the circumstances of that encounter, so yes, that battle probably was unavoidable, certainly if Deku wanted to stop him from doing further damage. But the idea that because Deku couldn't reach him right then and there, it's impossible for Deku--or, indeed, for anyone--to reach him at all is fallacious. Not every person has to be able to like or understand every other person. If Deku couldn't reach Muscular, so what? That doesn't mean it's impossible that someone might. And that means an obligation to treat Muscular like a human being, to afford him human rights, to not stop trying to find a way to rehabilitate him, even as you safeguard other people against him.

Deku's battle with Muscular being unavoidable was not some great triumph, for all that the narrative used it as an opportunity to let him show off how far he’d come in mastering One For All. In the way that matters, the way that Deku himself is currently trying to better, he hasn't advanced at all. Imasuji Goto represented his first test in the lead-up to saving Shigaraki, and Deku failed it.

His next trial was Overhaul.* Here, again, was someone who Deku was explicitly trying to understand. So what was the one thing that was most key to understanding Overhaul's current motivation? What was the one thing that Overhaul was ranting about out loud, incessantly? And what did Deku conspicuously fail to ask about? Overhaul's relationship with Pops.

This was so easy. So obvious. And Deku didn’t even try. All he could think about in the moment he was faced with that broken man was the little girl that man hurt--all thoughts of trying to understand where the man himself was coming from went right out the window, flown away in an instant. Instead of asking about why Overhaul feels the way he does, he demanded that Overhaul feel the way Deku wanted. He was essentially holding the only person Overhaul cared about hostage for the remorse he wanted Overhaul to feel.

I'm not going to try to armchair diagnose Overhaul with mental conditions. I don't have the educational background, and I'm positive Horikoshi doesn't. But it seems pretty clear that asking Overhaul to feel guilt about Eri was asking for something that he might not be capable of feeling, at least not without years of therapy that he was plainly not getting in Tartarus. And if Overhaul is not capable of feeling that guilt, then what does denying Overhaul his meeting actually solve? Who does it help? It doesn’t help Eri. Doesn’t help the old man. It certainly doesn’t help Overhaul himself. The only person who gets any satisfaction out of demanding remorse from Overhaul is Deku. And even Deku didn’t look like he found it very satisfying!

Another failure. A meaninglessly cruel, petty failure. A failure that served only to hurt a man who was already a live wire of agony, to sentence an old man to a coma he might never wake from without Overhaul's expertise, and to deprive Eri of the only actual family she had left.

And look, Pops might very well not be the ideal guardian for Eri, and I'm not saying he should get to "keep" her just because of the blood connection, but it's not like he cheerfully handed her over to Overhaul and walked out the door! He turned to Overhaul because he trusted Overhaul, because he wanted someone to help Eri and thought that maybe Overhaul could. And when Overhaul's thoughts about Eri took a very dark turn, Pops first denied his request about using her to further his research and then, when Overhaul kept pushing it, chose Eri over the kid he personally took in from the streets by telling Overhaul that he needed to leave the Shie Hassaikai if he couldn't muster any more respect for human life than that.

But, you know, Eri is so cute with Aizawa and stuff. And Pops was a criminal. Probably. Maybe? I mean, he was yakuza, anyway, so he obviously must have been a criminal even if the police never actually arrested him. Apparently, this means it's okay to just leave him in a coma forever! Even though Overhaul absolutely has enough medical expertise that letting him talk to a neurologist about what he did to Pops might enable them to figure out how to wake Pops up even without Overhaul being able to use his quirk to undo the damage. Hell, Overhaul is also the person alive who has the best handle on how Eri's quirk works. He might even know what her accumulation condition is. Maybe a better thing to ransom his access to Pops with would be Overhaul telling Aizawa everything he knows about Eri's quirk so Aizawa can use the knowledge to help her get a better handle on it.

But no. Obviously undoing some small part of the concrete harm Overhaul did was less important than how Deku felt about that harm.

And there's more! Oh, is there ever. I called Deku arrogant before; let me circle back to that.

Deku said that if Chisaki would feel the way Deku wanted him to feel, then Deku would uphold the promise to let Overhaul see Pops. But where in hell did Deku get off making that claim? Deku is a student. He's not a pro. He has no authority, medical, legal, carceral or otherwise. He has no say in where Overhaul goes or who he's allowed to see.

What the fuck? What the actual fuck? What kind of strings did Deku think he could pull that he could just casually make that claim without so much as going into a huddle with Hawks and Endeavor about it first? How inflated has this kid's sense of importance gotten that he made Overhaul that promise without even stopping to think about whether it was something he was in any position to ensure? It was such a bullshit ultimatum, not only because of how needlessly obstructive it was, but because it was so formless.

"If only you would feel a wish to apologize to Eri…" Okay, so what if Overhaul goes back to prison and, three days later, calls out to say, "Okay, I thought about it and I really feel like I want to apologize, now can I see Pops already?" Who gets to make that judgment call? Deku? Is he going to drop his faux-vigilante act and come visit Overhaul in prison just so he can squint at the man really hard to see if he's lying? Is Deku going to delegate the call to someone else? All Might? Hawks? A prison warden? A psychologist? Who? Who gets to be the one to say, "Okay, I think his remorse is genuine."

Then, once that call has been made, how many people have to arrange for Overhaul to be escorted out of prison and to whatever hospital Pops is in? Will Deku get to oversee that visit? Does he think he can overturn a warden declaring, "The scum doesn't deserve a visit, and the old man probably doesn't either," or a doctor protesting, "I'm not letting that man anywhere near my patient!"

The hell of it is, I think Deku could do all of that. He's got a close personal connection to All Might, who was basically a demi-god to this society for decades; he has the ear of the current top three heroes. Everyone is apparently convinced that the power to save this society rests solely in Deku's hands; I'm sure he could ask for anything he wanted. But the fact that that is the case suggests that this society is not even slightly turning away from its dependence on heroes dictating its morality. A hero having the sole right to dictate, out of hand, based on his personal feelings, the fate of people designated "villains" while the rest of society turns away is exactly what Shigaraki is angry about.

The only thing worse than Deku perpetuating the worst problems of hero society in an arc that's supposed to be about him finding a better way is that he didn’t even stop to think about it. It never even occurred to him that that was what he was doing. He thought that what he was asking of Chisaki was just and fair, and thus, he didn’t need to ask for any second opinions or permissions; he didn’t need to think about what would actually be feasible, about what was best for the people involved. He'd made his judgment call about a villain, and that's all there was to it. The villain could fall in line or--nothing. There isn't actually another choice. Hero's way or nothing

I hate it. I hate it. I don't care about whether Overhaul "deserves" to suffer; heroes making the cold decision that they will make him suffer is antithetical to everything a carceral system intended to rehabilitate prisoners stands for. And yes, Japan does at least claim on paper that the goal of incarceration in state hands is rehabilitation.

Restorative justice is superior to retributive justice. It's better for society and it's better for individuals. It is kinder, it is more compassionate. Retributive justice poisons people. It perpetuates suffering for no reason but moral grandstanding. Individuals are allowed to forgive or not forgive anyone they want, but a society should conduct itself with an eye to the long-term welfare of all of its people. That means that even the worst kinds of criminals still have human rights. It means not inflicting pain that serves no purpose.

I've gotten off-track here. Yes, I think that if Overhaul could feel regret about Eri, that would obviously be a positive development for his character. It'd hurt like hell, but it would be a hurt that indicated he was becoming a better person, a person who wanted to do more good, less ill, with his life and efforts. But you can't mandate that someone become a better person. No ultimatum handed down from on high is going to change Overhaul's heart. Telling someone, "I'll help you, but only if you only feel the way I want you to feel. Otherwise, you can just stay there and suffer," is not reaching out to help people who are suffering in the dark, which is, again, what Deku claimed he wanted to do, what he begged for Nagant's help in doing, the way he insisted to the vestiges that OFA should be used.

Deku writing people off because they don't conform to his expectations, because they can't be "good" the way he wants them to be, nor even "bad" in ways he can understand, is him failing to live up to his own expressed ideals. "I wish you'd feel bad about hurting people," wasn't enough to reach Muscular or Overhaul, and it damn well shouldn't be enough to reach Shigaraki.

Cruelty does not beget kindness. You cannot treat people with only callousness and severity, then condemn them for not taking the opportunity to grow. You have to give them opportunities to better themselves. For Overhaul, giving him an opportunity would be letting him help the man he wronged and then moving forward from there. Telling him to feel regret about Eri or else? That's doing nothing but sweeping his pain back under the rug.

---

*I have more or less exhausted my outrage over Lady Nagant in chats with friends, so I'll spare the rant on how disjointed, contradictory and ludicrous her turn was; the gist is "very, on all counts."

---

P.S. Anyone who says that Overhaul "has nothing left to live for" is being a level of ableist that defies description. Prosthetics exist. Assistive devices exist. Speech-to-text software exists. Overhaul is intelligent, driven and highly educated. Even if he never got prosthetics at all, there would still be things he could contribute to the world if he were motivated to do so. The better thing to do, though, would be to get the man some damn prosthetics, hook him up with the neurologist consulting on Pops' case, and let the two of them get on with the matter of waking up the old man.

P.P.S. Overhaul spent six months in solitary confinement. The United Nations considers solitary confinement exceeding 15 days to be a form of torture. Solitary confinement creates severe mental health issues and exacerbates existing ones. It frequently leads to a deadening of empathy, something Overhaul has in little enough amounts as it is. It is absurd to ask a man who's just come out of these conditions to "feel sorry for what you did to Eri," especially if you're planning to turn around and send him right back to solitary. Tartarus is inhuman, and the only reason more of the escapees aren't total wrecks like Overhaul is because Horikoshi clearly didn't bother to do the reading on the wide array of problems that those characters should be experiencing physically, mentally and socially.

[obae-me]

Upside Down CH-1

Author’s Note: Hi, yes, hello, welcome to the fic series that no one asked for! Do I have other things I need to finish? Yes! But has this been the only thing on my mind for the past four days? Also yes! For some reason I was incapable of writing anything else! Thanks, brain, for this out of the blue obsession! 

Tags: Reverse AU

Word Count: 4587

                                                      Next Chapter

Hell Away From Hell

Wrong. You didn’t do anything wrong. It was a mistake. It had to be. Although, with every clink of your restraints, your reality was becoming ever clearer. The chains rattled, echoing down the hall like a set of twisted wind chimes. Ones that sung of your dismal fortune. The demon ahead of you yanked the lead attached to your cuffs, sending you stumbling forward. You bit your lip to keep from cursing. Steading your body, you took their less-than-subtle message and picked up the pace. Keeping your eyes glued towards your destination, your stomach sank to your knees. Why? Why had you been brought to the castle? You hadn’t done anything wrong. Well, not anything to warrant being escorted by the palace guards in chains. And as they led you silently inside, past the polished halls and gaudy antiques, your fate pounded just fervently in your mind as your heart was in your chest. 

They were going to present you in front of the prince. 

It was torture in and of itself just making it to the throne room. The worst part about it all was your rampant imagination. You could only imagine what type of horrific techniques the prince was aware of. Halting in front of the large double doors, the demon behind you moved to open the entrance. Holding it open, the guard tugging you along guided you in. You managed to take only a few steps inside the room before you were practically thrown inside, your body tumbling over the ground. Both the guards smirked at you, flashing their pointed fangs in their conceited gestures before shutting the door, leaving you alone inside. 

“MC.” All the air inside your lungs had conveniently escaped. Lifting your chest off the ground, you tightened your lips as you met his gaze. Those glistening emerald eyes pierced right through you. Quickly, you lowered your eyes, attempting to show as much respect as you could to gain his favor. 

“M-my lord.” 

The melodic note that left his throat was a mix between a laugh and a coo. “Now, now, none of that groveling. I had you brought here to ask you a favor!” You could hear him stand to his feet, and you watched his shoes approach, clicking against the marbled tile. Then, you felt the smooth skin of his hand caress your right horn. The sudden sensitive feeling had your tail rapidly twitch and tuck under your leg. He pushed your horns back, raising your chin so you could look up at him. His dark hair drifted down across his forehead, curling around his horns that curved above his head like a broken halo, his face soft and inviting, and yet your gut wouldn’t let you believe it. “Please, from now on, just call me Simeon.” 

Simeon hummed as he lifted his tea cup to his lips. He had been hospitable enough, but you still couldn’t shake this feeling of unease. Plus...what he had brought you in to ask you was...well, something short of insanity. You continued to rub your wrists where your constraints had been. And as much as the prince of hell apologized for his guard’s brutish behavior, you had a feeling it was purposeful. A message of sorts. Even now, as he had his little servant bring in sweets and tea as sickly sweet as it could get, it all tasted bitter to your tongue. “So let me get this straight,” you started. “You want me to be a member of this…” 

The prince tilted his head, eyes practically shining. “Restoration program.” 

You cleared your throat after the little scone this blonde demon had given you made your throat run dry. “R-right. And I’m assuming I don’t have a choice in the matter?” 

His voice was soft, but the light reflecting off his horns and his fangs suggested another answer. “We all have choices, MC.” 

Swallowing your nervousness, you lowered your head again. “But, with all due respect, sir...why? Why a restoration program?” 

Another voice chuckled behind your figure. “Because, why not?” You strained your neck, getting a view at the newcomer behind you. White hair, a mischievous smile, and something unknown swimming at the back of those dark eyes. Not only that, but the figure was wearing clothes as pure as clouds, with a certain glow to him. 

Simeon stood, hand out to greet this person as if they were an old friend-and for all you knew, they might’ve been. “Solomon, how good to see you.” 

The new guest-now known to you as Solomon-beamed. “Likewise. You’re looking well.” He turned, giving you a once-over to take you in before nodding. “And you are MC, yes?” 

Glaring, already feeling your skin about to burn, you leaned away from him. “And you’re an angel.” Your distrustful attitude let him frown for just a moment, but whether it was just his angelic nature or his personality, that smile was right back on his face. 

“Yes, well, the plan requires an angel, so Simeon personally asked me for my hand in this matter.” 

The both of them could tell that you were unbelievably confused, so Simeon gestured for the angel to take a seat at the table. “Luke.” The prince gestured to his small servant, the one who had not only brought you sweets but had taken the liberty to be staring you down the entire time. Finally, he turned his attention away from you. “Please do me a favor and get our new guest some refreshments.” The lesser demon squinted at you, nearly growled at the angel, and then took his leave with rapid little steps. Simeon laughed quietly to himself. “Don’t worry about him, he’s not used to others quite yet. But, MC.” With your name mentioned, you straightened your posture. “I’ve been planning this for quite some time. It’s been a desire of mine to bring the three realms closer together.” You couldn’t help but wonder why, what purpose it served, but you kept your mouth shut. “And while I’ve started to make decent progress fixing the old wounds between the Devildom and Celestial Realm, most of my kingdom and Solomon’s people refuse to make connections with the humans.” 

Mortals...even just the mention managed to leave a heavy pit in your stomach. “If I may speak.” You waited for the prince’s go-ahead before speaking your mind. “What would be the point of connecting with the humans? They serve little purpose. They’re either so corrupt they destroy their own kind or they think they’re so pure they isolate themselves or get themselves killed in the name of their twisted justice.” Speaking so passionately against the idea, you didn’t realize your nails had grown into talons, leaving marks in the wooden table. You took a breath, reclaiming your typical form. “They can’t even do themselves any good, what makes you think they’d be good for our realms?” 

Solomon, an expression of understanding mixed with pity, bounced a little in his seat. “That’s the question, isn’t it?” He turned his head to Simeon, who was nodding at you with a bit of approval. 

“That’s what this plan is all about. Testing them, observing them. We’ll be watching these humans, and at the end of this project, we’ll be able to determine if they’re ready and worthy of being brought together with us.” The ruler crossed one leg over the other, his tone making it sound as it was as simple as eating pie. 

Setting down the fork to your pastry, you felt a sense of dread wash over you. “And by we you mean?” 

“Why, you and Solomon of course! A demon and an angel, both working together to restore the bond between the human world and ours! The Demonic and Angelic Restoration program! Or D.A.R. -dare- for short.” If it weren’t for the horns, you’d almost think this demon was an angel with the way he eagerly talked about restoring bonds and bettering the nature of the realms. But, then you felt nauseous. 

“What...what exactly do you need me to do to help with this...program? And why me?” 

It was actually the angel that spoke up. “I’m sure you’re aware of the Morningstars?” 

It was such a silly question, you ended up scoffing. “Who doesn’t down here? Those brothers are filled with so much corruption and chaos they end up fueling about half the lesser demons down here...why?” 

They both straight up ignored your question and instead asked you some of their own. Simeon leaned forward, looking at you intently. “It took me quite a bit of time to find you MC. Most people don’t know you exist, and those that do hardly know your name. You simply are known to most as Isolation. Is it true that you’ve never made a pact with a human? Rumor is that you even refuse to subsist off their sins. And you’ve never taken a soul? That’s typically unheard of nowadays.”  

Shifting in your seat, you gave it to them straight. “It’s true. I do whatever I can to avoid contact. Haven’t even seen a human in the past millennia. Haven’t talked to one in about twice that time.” 

Clapping his hands together, Simeon let out an amazed sigh. “Perfect. You will be able to have a fresh eye! A clean slate. An unbiased--well, mostly unbiased opinion. You won’t be tempted to corrupt them, you’ll give me honest answers.” 

“Plus,” the angel agreed, “if you have the strength and willpower to live without human sustenance and influence for this long, you probably will have the patience to keep from killing them. If anyone could manage to live with the Morningstars, it would be you, from what I’ve heard.” 

You were grateful you had put down your drink a while ago. Your breath caught in your throat. “Wait, excuse me, what did you say? Live...with the…” 

“Mr. Morningstar!” A laugh, a handshake, even a pat on the shoulder, it nearly made you ill watching the upcoming king of the Devildom greet a human like this so casually. You couldn’t help but sneak glances at this mortal...one of the Morningstars, the eldest. The one who fueled the most demons without even knowing about it. People down in the Devildom called him by Pride. A human world CEO-whatever that meant. He was powerful, influential, not to mention ridiculously rich. And he’d do whatever it took to keep his status, even at the misfortune of plenty of other people. His suit and posture told you pretty much all you needed to know about him. A fancy well tailored pitch black suit, a striking red tie with a subtle but regal diamond design, diamond cufflinks, the works. It was as if dust and winkles knew to avoid him entirely. His hair was as dark as his suit, save for the ends which were greying. He didn’t seem that old, so you wondered if it was intentional or simply stress. You thought you heard someone say that once, that humans could get grey hair from stress. Did they all possess capabilities to change their hair based on their emotions? That human lady you saw outside the building with the blue hair must’ve been feeling something intense. 

“Mr-” The human you had come to see was cut off. 

“Please, you know to call me Simeon by now!” 

The mortal cleared his throat. “Simeon…” The human glanced at you, and raised his chin as he took Simeon by the shoulders and brought him away from you. If you had been a human, it would’ve been a decent tactic to keep you out of earshot. Unfortunately, you could still hear everything they were saying. “I know you have good standing with the company, and I’m pleased to know you respect and trust me with such a task, but...this is far from business.” You could feel his eyes on you. “I have to respectfully decline your request. I don’t think I can allow them to live with us for a year. You know my family.” 

“It would only be for a year, and I know you have plenty of room in that house of yours!” Simeon laughed a bit and then lowered his voice. You could feel the alluring pull of his influence flood the space. The human stiffened, his intuition picking up on a shift in the room. “Besides, Lucifer. You know I wouldn’t ask for a favor like this without some proper and well deserved remuneration. Listen...I happen to have something on the head of that business owner that’s been butting heads with your company. Wouldn’t it be nice to have them completely out of the picture? Not only is that increasing your profit, but if they happen to...I don’t know, completely go bankrupt, that little building of theirs on the corner of Main is some prime real estate.” Reaching into his pocket, Simeon pulled out a small...plastic...rectangle of sorts, with metal on one end. “I got everything right here.” Smiling, one hand firmly against Lucifer’s upper back, he looked him right in the eyes and whispered something you knew would have this human caught. “You can’t let them bother you like this. You need to show them and everyone else who you are, and that you’re not to be messed with.” 

It took the mortal a moment of internal struggle. Decline the offer and figure things out himself without assistance? Or swallow the smallest bit of ego for self satisfaction? Either way, this mortal was past helping. Already drowning in pride. Eventually, he gripped the object, tucking it into a pocket beneath his suit jacket. Despite being handed assistance, he still found a way to be demanding. “Alright, but no more than a year, and if I feel like anything is going awry, I’m sending them away. Is it really too unreasonable to just set them up on their own? Surely for you it’s no problem.” 

Backing up slightly after his incentive worked, Simeon shook his head. “I would feel endlessly guilty leaving alone, desolate, isolated, after what happened. Poor thing...they haven’t even said a word to me in days.” That last part wasn’t a lie. You’d nearly refused to say anything to him since being dragged to the human world. Prince or no prince. “My poor cousin, suddenly losing all their family like that. It’s tragic, isn’t it? Losing people you love?” 

Lucifer, with his arms folded, let his hand tightly grip the fabric of one of his sleeves. His eyes lowered the slightest touch, his jaw tightening. “It...is...I know it all too well.” You caught a hint of some emotion from the mortal. 

“Then you know that what would be best for them right now is company. Trust me, I wouldn’t have brought them to you if I didn’t think it would help. Besides, this is a win for all parties involved, right?” Simeon gestured to the gift Lucifer had tucked away, and the last string of resistance had been snipped. 

Sighing, the human looked at the luxurious watch on his wrist. “I’ll take them home. Let my brothers know what’s happening. Is it too much to assume they’ll be better behaved with a guest in the house?” 

Laughing once more, the prince shrugged. If only Lucifer knew who he was in the presence of. “You’ll all just have to find out!” Patting the other man on the shoulder, Simeon then came over to you with his arms outstretched. “It’s all settled, MC!” He pulled you into a hug, taking the time to speak quietly to you. “Remember to keep your identity a secret. I’ll be checking up on you and Solomon once a month for a report. Keep them safe. Play nice.” He pulled apart, coming around behind you and settling his hands on your shoulders. “And remember, what Mr. Morningstar is doing is unbelievably nice, so make sure to thank him and keep yourself out of trouble.” 

You broke your vow of silence out of irritation. “I’m not a child you’re sending away to school. I know how to keep my own head on my shoulders.” You attempted to brush his hands off but the grip was tightened. Swallowing your frustration, you kept yourself from grimacing, looking at the fabled Lucifer Morningstar. “Thank you...for letting me live with you.” 

For a human, he had a tenacity for picking up on things. He noticed your lie, giving you a stare down of his own before grabbing his phone. You only recently figured out what those devices were. Simeon had made sure he gifted you one of your own, since apparently it was the main source of communication in this realm. Too strange, but you picked it up fairly quickly. Lucifer just raised his head and pressed his cell against his ear. “Just make sure you refrain from being as irksome as my brothers.” The line he was dialing picked up. “Yes, have a driver prepare to come pick me up. And someone please contact my brothers for me so they know I’m bringing home a...guest.” 

It was going to be a long year…

The...metal contraption rumbled, making your head feel light. Without magic to get around, they had to use...these things. The movement slowed till it came to a stop. Looking out the pane of glass, you peered forward to see what the issue was. A big red circular light shone a bright crimson in front of the lane. Was it a threat? If so, why was the world seemingly filled with them? Then the eye turned green and the long carriage rumbled back to life. It was completely different than the last time you had been here. 

“Before you even step foot in my home, we need to set some ground rules.” Even just the sound of his voice almost physically rubbed you the wrong way. You bit the inside of your cheek. Play nice, the prince had said. How long could you keep your patience around these mortals? You looked up at him, feeling him stare you down to the corrupt depths of your soul. “Since you’re going to be living with us for so long, you’re going to have to follow the same rules I give my brothers? Understand?” 

Was this all worth it? Would having your soul be torn to shreds be that bad? “Yes.” 

He nodded, then decided his attention would be better focused towards whatever he had on that electronic device of his. He gave you orders without even looking at you. No wonder all the lesser demons who fawned after him were so pretentious. “No parties. No pets. You can stay up however long you want, but you must be back at the house no later than midnight. You can have your own room but you must keep it clean, don’t expect me to hire a maid for you. You’re responsible for looking after yourself. I might be providing a roof over your head, but anything you need is up to you. You break anything, you’re responsible for replacing it. Just use the basic level of common sense and we should have no trouble. Hopefully the year will be over before we—oh excuse me.” Without another word he picked another call, his third one since you’d been blackmailed into this ride. You just gave a gentle sigh and stared out the window. Just a few days ago you’d still existed in your botherless existence. A personal utopia of your own making. Now you were in this...hell away from hell, the scent of smog and exhaust still burning the inside of your nose. 

The rest of the ride was spent with you trying to think of ways to escape this fate, but finding none in sight. You didn’t need to fully see the building to get this overwhelming wave of impurity. The tempting allure of sin. Practically a demon buffet. These morons were just screaming to be killed or worse, eaten. Even just approaching the gate to the driveway, you could see remnants of spirits, demons without full forms clawing at the fence. Wisps of black sinking into their sidewalk. But not even those, you could smell the presence of other lesser demons...but more dangerous ones. Outside the gate were small crowds, not too many, but enough to safely conceal their presence. Photographers, journalists, fans, wherever they were, they were eager to get in. And amongst the rabble stood demons pretending to be mortals in an attempt to sink their fangs into one of the Morningstars. You slunk down in your seat, trying to conceal your presence, but you were sure they’d be able to feel you. The car slipped past all of them, approaching the first set of gates. Whoever was patrolling the vehicle pressed their fingers against a small pad attached to a pillar by the gate. It waited for a moment, then made an affirming noise before the gate swung open. The cries of mortal and hidden demons alike pleading for the smallest sliver of attention from this human made you feel sick. 

Despite having nearly ignored you the whole time, Lucifer scoffed. “You’ll get used to it.” The curved metal fence shut behind you, and the sound of the crowd slowly faded as you pulled up in front of the massive house. If anything, it reminded you a little of home. It was an old fashioned looking house, but fanciful nonetheless. With dark stone, piercing towers, arched windows, and an overall gothic aesthetic. You managed to take a moment to breathe. At least there was one silver lining. Lucifer stepped out of the idle vehicle first, paying you no mind as he approached the steps to the door. Slightly panicking, you tried simply pushing the door before noticing the small handle. Pulling it unlocked it, and you rapidly exited, feeling the motion sickness fade with your feet on the ground. You followed the mortal to the door, and was slightly pleased when he put his phone away to open the door, leaving it open for you. Lucifer shut the door, a small high pitched noise ringing through your ears. You turned and watched him mess with a little panel near the door. “Our security is top of the market. I make sure the code is changed every day, so if you’re not inside by midnight, I hope you enjoy camping.” 

You were about to speak up about that, but both of you were bombarded with noise. A noise you would later learn to get used to. “Oi! Lucifer!” A bundle of energy came racing down the stairs. Wild hair, dark skin, rings on nearly every finger, you recognized this individual without having to ask his name. You could feel the influence. Greed. Demons almost loved this brother more than Pride, because from what you’d heard, he’d make deals impulsively with demons without knowing their true intentions. As long as money or something expensive was in front of him, he’d jump for anything. It had gotten him in more than enough trouble, and it made him too much of a prime target. At least Lucifer knew how to look over his shoulder. The second brother confronted the eldest. He didn’t even glance at you. “Hey, I need some cash! For some reason my card keeps declining...you can spot me right?” 

Lucifer didn’t even hesitate. “No.” 

“Eh? Why not?! I did that thing the other day for you, remember?” 

“Hm?” Lucifer tilted his head, taking the time to recall-or pretending to. “Which thing would that be? Would it have been before or after you stole and immediately maxed out my card?” Lowering his eyes, the older one gave off a menacing smile. 

Mammon took a step back, muttering. “O-oh you found about that, huh?” 

The smile turned into a full on yell. “Of course I found out! I got a call from the bank as soon as they saw the purchase! What exactly do you need a golden tiger statue for, Mammon? Seriously, you’re absolutely ridiculous! I returned it by the way, and in the meantime I cancelled all your cards.” Mammon went to open his mouth in anger but didn’t have the chance to say anything. “You can try to find some extra work to pay off all the bills you’ve left me with. And if I think you’re ready, I’ll reopen your accounts in two months.” The effort of shouting sent Pride’s eye twitching. He lifted a hand to press against his forehead, the blood draining from his face. You shifted ever so slightly in your spot and he groaned. “Right, you’re here. Mammon, this is MC.” 

Eyebrows raised, he jumped a little when he finally spotted you were in the room. “Wait, wait, wait, that whole thing with someone staying with us for a year wasn’t a joke?” 

“No.” Although the slight warble to his voice seemed that that fact was just now settling in. “It wasn’t. And since you’ve so kindly volunteered yourself, you can take their bags and show them to their room.” He simply turned. No welcome, no tour, no warmth in those cold eyes of his. 

“Hey! Come back here!” Yet the younger sibling showed no signs of chasing after him. “Lucifer!” His older brother just quickly headed up the stairs and disappeared into the house. Was it really going to require a full year of observation? Just from what you were seeing right now, you wanted nothing to do with humans. Nothing. Mammon ran a hand through his hair, one of his strands getting stuck in one of his rings, but he tugged it out without noticing, like it was a daily occurrence. “I can’t believe this.” You could watch as the anger started to swell within him. “Screw this, I’m out of here!” You were ready for him to leave, to give into his emotions. He had wrapped his hand around the door handle before he stopped. Pausing, he just tutted to himself before shoving his hands in his jacket-pockets, looking in your direction but not fully at you. “You want the guest room we have upstairs or down?” Loud, brash, rude in some ways, but there was a weird sort of innocence about him. You simply shrugged. He nodded, grasping one of your bags suddenly, gesturing you to follow. “I’ll give you the downstairs one. Most of our rooms are on the second floor, so it’s a bit quieter down here, plus it stays cooler.” He led you past the entrance hall and back into the rest of the house. “Plus, it’s easier to sneak out from here, but you didn’t hear that from me. I’m guessing Lucifer gave you the whole rule spiel?” 

You restrained the urge to roll your eyes. “Yeah.” 

He hissed in air through his teeth. “Sucks, man, are you sure you want to stay here?” 

The pain around your wrists was still too prominent. Etched into your skin was a mark, a line of runes and symbols around your wrists. Who knew demons could give temporary pacts to other demons? Simeon ensured you a small fraction of his power, just in case you ran into trouble. But in exchange he had a hold on you, able to summon you to him whenever he needed you. It was your chain keeping you imprisoned here. There was no running. There was no hiding. “I didn’t have a choice.”

[ultrastellara]

dilf kaeya x female teacher reader part two

authors note: hi sorry for UHH this being extremely late, i actually been spending a lot of time with my partner. 😭🤚VERY SORRY YALL!! i sorta been burnt out of genshin too :( but ill probably be on a semi hiatus for a while until then.

"well isnt that our dear, ms. y/l/n?" kaeya came walking towards your class room door, seeing you play with his son in the room.

"oh hello there, mr. alberich!" you felt your cheeks turn warm just like yesterday. klaus, his son was too busy drawing a picture. todays assignment was about family. little did you know as kaeya started to walk into your room, his eyes were focusing on the word 'family' that was written on your white board.

"family huh?" he asks you.

he sees his son is still drawing as you're sitting next to him, with a nod.

"todays a small preparation for our big assignment thatll be due next week" you reply.

he smirks slightly before chuckling.

"so cute, ms. y/l/n. honestly did you come up with that last night with the texts i sent you?"

your cheeks become more warm, with your cheeks almost hurting because he made you this flustered. last night you two had chatted for a few hours until you had to get ready for bed. the last

"mr. alberich our texts didnt lead us to-"

"come on, dear i think you should call me by my first name" you felt him closer to you, towering you from behind and gently whispering in your ear. the face you made once you realized he was teasing you more.

"mr.- i mean kaeya, please dont do that" you place your hands cover your face, trying to look away. his son was almost done coloring, asking you a question "ms y/l/n? you okay?". you nod in response, giving him a simple yes before he continued to do his work.

kaeya pulled out the other chair next to your right, he smirked knowing he got you well.

"klaus, are you almost done? i dont want to make your teacher stay even later for us" he gives you a cheery smile. you slowly remove your hands from your face once you felt yourself take a breather.

his son nodded and replied with a simple yes but he continued coloring, trying to find a color. he didnt notice the touchy behavior his father kept giving you.

"oh, dear you're really beautiful" he says, trying to make you feel more relax with his compliment.

"kaeya, thank you but please dont distract me. i am still working until i leave this building." you say replaying what just happened to you a few mins ago.

"i apologize for my behavior but you're really fun to tease, my dear" he winks at you before offering his left hand out to you. you admired how long his fingers were but as well his hand were so big yet pretty.

as flustered you got from looking at his hand, you gave your right hand to him. smoothly as he is, he pecks your knuckles. you noticed him looking from your knuckles and making direct eye contact. he wants to see how badly he can make you feel flustered.

"my dear, you really are fun to break. it's cute seeing how you react to my behavior with you" gently his hand was gripping your chin just like yesterday, wanting more of your attention at him.

his sliver tongue he had was making you feel dizzy but butterflies inside of your stomach.

"kaeya-" you were going to scold him on how he kept flirting with you until his son got out of his chair.

"all done!" his son states, and looks at you two.

his father was no longer sitting but instead was beside you.

his son walked over to you and him showing his masterpiece.

the drawing of his family was you and then kaeya. well kaeya was holding your hand in the drawing with klaus himself, being carried by his dad.

as flustered you were before, you saw kaeya blushing for the first time.

"klaus, who's in your drawing?" you ask him, wanting to see how his father would react to your plan.

your plan? oh playing with fire to fire. you now wanted to see how he would react to your teasing.

"it's me, daddy, and then you ms. y/l/n. you always make me feel better when we play house!" he cheerfully states. he smiles widely once you gave his attention all to you.

"i love it,sweetie! it's so cute. you're thinking of me as your family?" you ask, eyeing his father seeing that kaeya was completely caught off guard by your behavior.

"i see you as my new mommy!"

the looks on kaeyas face was replace by a smirk, once he saw you become flustered just like before.

"see you later, dear" he whispers into your ear, walking out with his son and his cute peacock backpack in his father's hands.

bonus:

"you should stop by our house next time" kaeya states to you.

you were calling him as a few hours ago, him and his son left your class room.

"kaeya i cant, i have work to finish tonight" you say, while typing your work onto a Google document.

"come on dear, i keep hearing klaus talk about you to me. makes me wish i was there with you to help out." you could imagine him smirking as his tone continue to tease you more. "besides i dont think i would want klaus's new mommy to be busy huh" that was what got you hooked onto this man. he really got you in his hands but before you could reply you told yourself just a few more words and i can go home and just eat sleep and not have to deal with this man until tomorrow.

"kaeya, again im still working. we can call later once im finish with my work " you sternly say. hearing him chuckle, "better call me later on once uoure home, dear. see you soon".

"this man...i swear to god hes so attractive but annoyingm.his flirting-" you stopped yourself from talking, feeling your face hurting from how flustered his behavior made you.

tagged list: @itsanastasiabell @luvlysuga

[onionsoop]

Late at Night /// Nanami x f!Reader /// (+18)

Summary: During a class trip to Hokkaido, you find yourself stuck in the same bed with Nanami which leads to some late night events unexpected events :0

Length: 4.5k

Tags & Warnings: Teacher x Student (Reader is 18), exhibitionism (kind of), voyeurism (kind of), fingering, unprotected sex, creampie, stupid “same bed” cliché, praise (kind of)

Authors Note: Hey everyone, I just wanted to let you all know that this the first fic that I’ve ever written and I hope you enjoy! I’m hoping to keep writing and posting more fics to this blog in the future for Jujutsu Kaisen, Haikyuu, and maybe some other fandoms. Anyways, thanks for reading and sorry for any spelling mistakes :) Oh, also there might be a part 2 for this??? idk, ill decide later on, not sure what direction I wanna take it in

The sound of the bus coming to a halt was what woke you up from your long and uncomfortable nap. You opened your bleary eyes to find the rest of the students in your class beginning to stand up and climb out into the cold and snowy outside. It had been a long trip, about eight hours and during that time almost everyone had fallen asleep. You had all left at eleven in Tokyo and due to being so far North, the sun had already set outside despite it only being seven. You picked up your backpack from where it was shoved underneath the seat in front of you and let out a sigh about having to get up and stretch your stiff legs. 

As you filed into the line, you were greeted by a large slap on your back, “Hey Y/N, how’d ya sleep?” Nobara asked, giving you one of her signature grins. 

“Fine,” you said rubbing your eyes, “though I can’t say that the bus window made a very comfortable pillow.”

“Well good thing we’ll be able to sleep soon. Hopefully, Gojou will put us together and won’t ruin our fun,” She said with a wink, receiving a small chuckle from you. Two weeks prior to the trip, Nobara had spent most of her time devising a plan to prank Itadori and Megumi while they were asleep. You knew she was counting on you to help her out with it, but you were a little unsure if you wanted to risk getting caught and excluded from the rest of the trip in order to fulfill one of her silly ideas.

Once everyone finally piled out of the bus, you were all led into the Dining Hall for a nice hot meal, a welcomed contrast to the freezing temperatures outside. You had never been to Hokkaido before and both the piles of white fluffy snow and the different array of hot soups and curries were new and exciting to experience. Dinner was overall jovial and chaotic, you sat with Itadori, Nobara, Todo, and Maki and you had all had a good time arguing about what activities you wanted to do in the next few days and which dish was the best. By the time dinner was over, you felt completely stuffed. During the course of the mea, you had eaten almost everything you could get your hands on and now felt more ready than ever to go to bed despite already sleeping on the bus. 

Everyone was piled into the main lounge area of the dorm building to be sorted into rooms. You could see students shifting around trying to get closer together and counting the number of people between them to try and be spaced together. From the edge of the room, Nobara was making aggressive eye contact with you and beckoning you to come over, which you quickly did in hopes that you wouldn’t be stuck in a room with people you didn’t know. 

At the front of the room, Gojou stood up and clapped his hands to get everyone’s attention. “Now everyone, as you probably know, there are going to be four people per dorm, no more, no less during the duration of our trip. In every room, there is going to be one chaperone and three students. There are only two beds per room, so you will have to share with somebody else or choose to sleep on the floor, it’s up to you. And finally, to your displeasure, we have already assigned who is going to be in what rooms.” 

That final sentence caused a groan to come from the student body along with sounds of protest and arguing. Gojou ignored this though and pulled out a crumpled sheet of paper and began to read names off of them. Students all began to pick up their stuff and head to their dorms as they were called out, and as you all listened Nobara let out a groan as she was sent to a room with Inumaki, Panda, and Mei Mei. You waited on the floor still surveying who else you might be put with. The number of students in the room was dwindling and most of your friends had already been taken which sent a pang of worry into your gut. 

“... and in room 6 there will be Itadori, Megumi, Y/N, and Nanami,” Gojou said. A momentary wave of relief washed over you after hearing that, you knew Megumi and Idatori semi-well, so it wouldn’t be too awkward of a time, but that feeling quickly dissipated as you remembered you were with Nanami. It was a well-known fact that about ninety percent of the female population found him attractive, and you couldn’t be excluded from that group. The pieces of the puzzle quickly snapped into place as you thought more about the room situation. You were the only girl in the group, which meant that there was no way in hell that they would be letting Itadori or Megumi share a bed with you. 

You would be sleeping right next to Nanami. For the next four nights. 

The walk to the room was only a chance for you to get more and more anxious as you thought about the upcoming events. Megumi and Itadori were cheerfully chatting in front of you, occasionally turning back to include you in the conversation or make a joke, but it didn’t help with the looming feeling of Nanami behind you. 

You all arrived in the room and Itadori immediately jumped on the bed, messing up the sheets and knocking off one of the pillows, earning a sigh and displeased look from Megumi. Despite your nerves, you plastered a neutral expression on your face and tentatively walked over to the second bed in the room, setting your bag down and sitting down on the squishy mattress. 

At this point, Itadori and Megumi were starting to argue, Megumi saying that he wouldn’t be able to sleep next to him if he was going to take up that much room while Itadori was doing his best to stretch all his limbs out across the full length of the bed. You pulled out your phone and tried your best to look busy. It wasn’t quite time for lights-out, but you still felt a bit nervous starting to unpack in a room full of guys, especially with one that made your heart race. 

Nanami, in his typical fashion, had not said anything since being assigned to the rooms. You felt him sit down on the other side of the bed and saw that he was beginning to unpack out of the corner of your eye. You shouldn’t be so nervous, nobody else is, after all, Nanami was just going to be sleeping next to you, you had stood that close to him before on other occasions. It still felt different though… You quickly shut those thoughts out of your head as soon as they came in. He was your teacher, you shouldn’t be thinking that way. 

To distract yourself, you unzipped your bag to go and look for your pajamas and toothbrush. You had packed a mix of cold and warm clothing for your trip considering you would be traveling all over the place, but you soon realized you had made a mistake with your pajamas. You pulled out the green shorts and tank top you had packed without much thought, despite never feeling this way about them before, you now felt that they might be a little too revealing for sleeping in a room full of guys. 

You shoved the top back into your bag and opted for a t-shirt instead, which helped you feel a little less nervous about your situation. In order to get out of the room, and to hopefully talk to Nobara, you rushed into the girl’s bathrooms and let out a relieved sigh. This trip was going to be a difficult one to get through. 

You quickly got changed in a stall and spent a large portion of time afterward talking with the other girls in the room. Many of them were complaining about who they got put in a room with while others were whining about not getting to stay with Gojou. Apparently, Momo was the lucky girl of the night who got to room with Gogou, Todo, and Mechamaru, but she didn’t seem to have much interest in her good fortune. Finally, Nobara slammed open the door to the girl’s bathroom and made her way over to you. 

“I can’t believe this stroke of luck, you got a room with both Itadori and Megumi, that’ll be perfect,”  She said with a devious grin on her face. 

“I’m not really sure, do we really wanna risk the rest of the trip?” You said, trying your best to calm Nobara’s excitement. 

“It’ll be fine, don’t worry. Plus, we can wait until the last day too, then they’ll have their guard down too,” she stated, nudging you in the arm after. You continued to happily chat with the rest of the girls and avoid going back to your room for a good half an hour, but, as expected, you heard Gojou come down the hall announcing that it was five minutes until lights-out. Most of the girls quickly began packing up their stuff and rushing out of the bathroom to not get in trouble and you figured you should do the same. 

When you walked back to your room and pushed open the cracked door you were quickly confronted with your nerves coming back and a hyper Itadori. Megumi was in bed doing his best to read a book while Itadori was bugging him through multiple various and loud methods. You went back to your side of the bed and put your toothbrush and skincare away, laser focusing your eyes on anything that wasn’t Nanami. 

The five minutes that you had before bedtime seemed to be over before you could even process it. For the first time that night, at least to your knowledge, Nanami finally said something, “Alright boys and Y/N, lights out.” Which earned a complaint from Itadori and caused Megumi to quickly jump up and shut off the lights, eager to have a chance to get away from him. You could see Itadori and Megumi start to bicker about the blankets and “staying on your side of the bed” as you pulled back the covers and crawled in between the blanket and the sheets. The bed was warm from the thick layered blankets on top and the fuzzy fabric it was made out of and as soon as you sank into it, your tiredness from the long day hit you like a brick. Despite that though, you still went stiff when you felt the bed shift from Nanami laying down next to you. 

“If I steal all the blankets during the night feel free to take them back.” He said, making you jump and answer with a quick “Okay.”

Even after Itadori and Megumi had finally settled down you still couldn’t completely calm down. You were making sure to stay on the very edge of the bed to not accidentally make contact with Nanami, but it wasn’t a comfortable position. You thought he might be asleep already but you weren’t entirely sure, he hadn’t moved much from his original position either.  You could hear Itadori’s snores from across the room and the constant shifting of Megumi who was currently covering his head to try and drown it out. After a while though, you finally felt yourself begin to drift into sleep, and you welcomed it. 

It was the middle of the night. You don’t know what woke you up but you found yourself disturbed and rubbing your eyes in the pitch-black room. As your eyes were beginning to adjust though, you immediately froze. You found yourself facing the chest of Nanami with his arm under your head, you must have rolled over at some point in the night putting you right next to him. 

The slight smell of aftershave filled your nose and you could hear him gently breathing with the rise and fall of his chest, he must be fast asleep. The loud snores of Itadori still echoed through the room but all you could concentrate on was the man in front of you. You had never been this close to him before, or anyone before, and your heart felt like it was about the burst out of your chest. You wouldn’t dare move in fear of waking him up and making the situation awkward, so you stayed frozen in your spot trying not to shake. 

You couldn’t deny that you had thought about things like this before, the thought of being so close to him, having him touch you, and being able to feel him under your hands, but the prospect of having it actually happen was just too anxiety-inducing. You could feel your face going red as you thought about all the dirty things you had done before, and you felt a slight twinge between your legs. 

You couldn’t. Could you? You hated the thought as soon as it entered your head, but that didn’t stop your hand from creeping between your legs and resting on your stomach. It was so wrong, he was your teacher, he was nine years older than you, but you didn’t want to stop. You would probably never get a chance like this ever again. You could even promise yourself to sleep on the floor the next three nights, but just this once, you wanted to risk it. 

Your fingers crept down under the waistband of your shorts and panties and dipped into the slick folds between your legs. You tentatively put two fingers inside, never taking your eyes off of Nanami’s face, and began to pump them in and out. Your thumb found its place on your clit which you began to rub circles on. The sudden feeling of having your clit touched was enough to make you clamp your other hand over your mouth to try and quiet your breathing. Your first priority had to be staying silent.

You could feel your eyes beginning to half close as you gave into the pleasure, and they drifted down to look at Nanami’s chest and the sculpted muscles under his shirt. You began to move your fingers faster feeling your release on its way and you held your hand tighter to your mouth as your head became fuzzy. Small whimpers were beginning to slip out of your throat and you could feel your movements getting sloppier as you continued to speed up. 

A hand wrapped around your wrist, stilling your hand. 

You froze, eyes shooting open to find Nanami looking down at you with a weary expression. You opened your mouth to say something but nothing came out. Your brain was in a frenzy, you wanted to just evaporate into thin air or die on the spot, but you couldn’t do anything. 

“What are you doing?” He asked with no hint of emotion in his voice. 

“I-I’m sorry-- I--,” you couldn’t spit the words out, truthfully you couldn’t even think of what to say. You were caught red-handed and you didn’t think you would ever be able to make yourself forget the embarrassment you felt at this exact moment. 

“Do you normally do this when you’re put next to your teachers?” 

“No, I-I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’ll leave--” you stuttered out, trying your best to make the situation end as quickly as possible.

“So this is a special occasion then?” He asked, holding your gaze and not releasing your arm. 

“N-No--”

“Which is it then? Do you normally do this or is this a one-time thing?” He said, interrupting you before you could spit out another pitiful apology. You tried your best to slow your breathing to get out a coherent answer, but it wasn’t working with the way that Nanami’s eyes were drilling into yours.

“I-Its a one-time thing, I-I’m sorry, I’ll go sleep on the floor,” you said trying to pull your hand out of his grasp but he didn’t let go. You felt sick, you shouldn’t have taken the risk, you knew that the mortification you felt would outweigh the pleasure you got from masturbating if you got caught.

“You’ll be left frustrated then.” He said. Everything he was saying wasn’t registering, all you felt was the panic in your gut and the need to get away as quickly as possible. 

“T-That’s fine, I-I don’t care,” you quickly spit out, feeling tears pricking at the corner of your eyes.

“Are you sure...? ...I’d be willing to help,” he said, keeping his voice low as to not wake Itadori and Megumi.

“I--.., w-wait, what?” You said, the meaning of his words finally hitting you. 

“I would be willing to help, I don’t want one of my students feeling pent up and unsatisfied.”

“I…” you didn’t know what to say, you were so shocked by the whole situation that the thought of answering was even too much. He pulled your hand up from under your shorts and out into the open where evidence of your actions was clearly visible on your fingers. His gaze dropped back down to your face expecting a response. You opened your mouth to answer before diverting your eyes and opting to give a small nod.

Nanami’s hand landed on your hip and slowly made its way down under the waistband of your shorts while the arm that was under you came down to reach around your back and pull you closer. You could feel his fingers brushing past your stomach as they trailed closer to your dripping wet cunt. Your breath was caught in your throat as you felt everything that was happening, you had to be dreaming, there was no way. 

Nanami’s fingers finally reached your entrance and he slipped one inside of you, causing you to let out a small gasp and cling onto his shirt. His fingers were much larger than yours and could reach places that you couldn’t yourself, making you tighten up around him. It was truly torturous as he began to move his finger inside of you, the friction on your tight walls and the adrenaline from the whole situation was enough to make your head fuzzy and cause a small whimper to come out from your sealed lips. 

 You could feel him pulling you closer as you held onto his shirt and arched your back from the pleasure. He was already going at a gentle and agonizing pace inside of you, but when he added a second finger it was what threw you over the edge into a shaking mess. You were no longer able to control your breathing and keep quiet so you threw a hand over your mouth in order to stifle your moans and whimpers. 

“Getting close?” he asked, whispering into your ear making you shiver from the feeling of his breath on your skin.

Without thinking, you whined out, “Y-Yes, b-but I want more, I-I need you inside of me...” 

As soon as you said it you knew you had gone too far. Here Nanami was, fingering you and holding you close to help you cum, and you had the audacity to ask for more. His fingers stilled inside of you and you tightened up at the feeling of them sliding out, leaving you empty. Nanami put his hand under your chin and tilted your head up to look him in the eyes.

“Then climb on,” he said, making your eyes widen.

You took your hands away from their place on his shirt and began to unsteadily move yourself on top of him. At that same time, he had his fingers hooked around the waistband of your shorts and thoroughly soaked panties and was pulling them down your legs. You positioned yourself on top of his lap, your thighs on either side of his hips. You had your hands braced firmly on his chest, trying to hold yourself up, but you couldn’t manage sitting up more than a few inches. Under your bare pussy you could feel his hard-on through his pants and you were trying your best to keep your hips still and not grind on him. 

His large hands began to pull his pants and boxers down and you lifted your hips to make it easier, but when he had finally removed them you couldn't hide your surprise about his size. Apparently, the look was written all over your face because a hint of a smile was on Nanami’s face and he grabbed your hips to keep you steady.

“You were the one who said you wanted more, sweetheart. You haven’t changed your mind right?”

You dryly swallowed and quickly shook your head no. Even if you were worried about being able to take him, it didn’t mean that you weren’t going to try, especially when one of your wet dreams was playing itself out in real life.

Nanami slid his hands around your hips and under your thighs to help position you above his cock. You could feel yourself beginning to shiver with anticipation just by looking down at what you were going to take in your tight, dripping pussy. The need to be filled up by him was becoming overwhelming and he was taking his sweet time with looking at you and lowering you onto him. When the tip finally touched your entrance you let out a whimper followed up by a pathetic “please.”

“Please what? I wanna hear you say it.” Nanami said, bringing a hand up to stroke your cheek.

“P-Please fuck me, I-I wanna be filled up so badly,” you said, your voice barely more than a whisper. Finally, you felt him start to enter you, your walls painfully stretching to accommodate his size, and you weren’t able to stifle the high-pitched moan that escaped your lips when it happened. Your vision was getting blurry and your arms lost the strength to hold you up anymore, causing your head to smack into his chest. You heard Nanami curse at the loud noise you made and you felt his fingers force their way into your mouth and down your throat, forcing you to keep quiet. He continued to push your hips down onto him, earning a few whimpers and causing you to grip onto his arm. Despite your heavy breathing, he didn’t give you much time to adjust to his size, you could feel the painful sensation of him pressing up against your cervix as he held you down along with the feeling of your slick beginning to coat both of your thighs. 

His grip tightened on your ass as he began to lift you up and down, you tried your best to help by moving your hips but you didn’t have much strength left in your legs after being so close to cumming earlier. The feeling of him stretching you out and rubbing against your slick insides would have ordinarily caused you to make moans that could be heard through the walls, but the combined force of using all your willpower and having two fingers shoved down your throat was enough to reduce your noises to just quick and heavy breathing. The wet sound of you bouncing on his dick was the only noise that could be heard throughout the room and it was enough to make you tighten up around him, causing Nanami to shut his eyes and get a concentrated look on his face. 

In a hushed and deep voice, Nanami asked, “Can you keep quiet sweetheart?” which you quickly nodded to. As soon as he had removed his fingers from your mouth, leaving a trail of saliva behind, your hand was back over your mouth and you were biting your lip hard enough to draw blood. His free hand brushed a piece of your hair behind your ear before making its way under your shirt. You felt him grab your chest and begin to pinch your nipple between his middle and index finger, making your job of staying quiet much harder than before. The feeling of having your chest played with sent waves of pleasure down to your crotch, only causing you to feel yourself get wetter and closer to orgasm. The pace he was fucking you at wasn’t ruthless, but it was slow and powerful enough to make you feel your release building up inside of you, every thrust made it a challenge for you to hold on and not completely give in. You could feel that he was close too, his movements were getting more erratic and you could see the sheen of sweat on his face in the dim light of the window. 

You took your free hand and moved it up to his face, brushing your fingers past his cheek and sliding them into his hair. You didn't feel like you would be able to hold on much longer and your eyes began to cross as you let yourself fully give in.

“Cum with me sweetheart, okay?” He said, looking up at you through lowered eyelids. You nodded with what little energy you could and prepared yourself for what was next. His hand moved from its spot on your chest and went down to help fuck you faster on his dick. The pace quickly picked up and you could feel that your pussy was going to be bruised in the morning from how hard he was going. He reached his thumb down to your clit and began to move it in circles like you were doing before, causing you to gasp and grip onto the hair that was in your hand. 

It took all your effort to keep in your moans and whimpers as you reached your climax, feeling your cunt spasm around him and the words “good girl” falling from his lips. Your vision went blurry as he continued to fuck you through your orgasm and cum inside you, filling you up with his hot sticky liquid. 

When you regained your focus, you were both a gasping and sweaty mess under the covers. His hands had moved to rest around your back and hold you against him and his cock was still sheathed inside of you. You didn’t have any energy to move and simply let your arms fall limp on the bed, savoring the afterglow and the feeling of his cum starting to drip out of you. 

You felt immensely tired and could feel your eyelids wanting to close. You felt Nanami place a kiss on top of you head which caused a faint smile to form on your lips and you wrapped your arms around him, ready to fall asleep exactly where you were resting on top of him.

As you gave one last look around the room though, the last thing you saw before you drifted to sleep was Itadori staring at you wide eyed from the other bed. 

[zktop10]

i hope i guys still read requests !! idk how to find zutara fics that are canon compliant with tlok but is atla postcanon, so basically either they tried to be together but didn't work/ they never got around to telling each other how they feel. bonus of it's really angsty and like stomps-on-people's-hearts painful

I hope you didn't mean "you guys" because it is just me. I am one small, tired person. :D

ANYWAY.

I might have been searching poorly (and I'll tell you why I think that in a second) and I know there's probably a really good one that fits this request better so I beg of the readers to share their thoughts.

I found a WIP (updated 2/2/21)

Title: Hanahaki

Rated: G

Author: lilies_for_every_fandom

Summary: When Zuko comes down with a strange illness, Katara comes to heal him. But their reencounter opens new and old wounds that have no cure.

My Notes: From the title you can see it's not true canon as it's the flower sickness trope, third person omniscient POV, very scene based instead of storytelling (like a stage play)

Also a one-shot

Title: doors that should be shut

Author: untilthenlive

Rated: G

Summary: Every time she visits, it's like no time at all has passed.

Things change; they do, their friends do, the world does. But their friendship - the easy, comfortable way they are with each other - never changes.

My Notes: Zuko POV, very poetic style of writing, focuses on musing than a story, reflection vs. an event

And I know my search is weird because I'm also going to do a shameless self-plug and my own fic is missing the "post canon" tag

So here's mine because I'm VAIN and I liked this one

Title: Making Space

Author: AWildJaxWrites

Rated: T

Summary: After Katara's marriage dissolves, she realizes that she doesn't have a foundation to stand on. Nothing makes sense, everyone is hurting, and she isn't even certain if she made the right choice. The only person who truly understands, once again, is Zuko.

After a thousand small choices, Zuko doesn't even know where he went wrong. But something went terribly, horribly wrong. Having lost so much already, Zuko tries to focus on his daughter and control what he can of his own pain.

Katara and Zuko try to work out what blame really means, what they deserve, and what they've earned.

(Basically, I got pissed off thinking about how OOC Aang is in AtLA: LoK and how Mai deserved better character growth. Then I tried to think of a reason why it would have ended so poorly. The reason I thought of was super dark and it made me sad so I'm giving it to you guys.)

My Notes: This is well after AtLA but does break canon in that Aang does leave Katara, Katara POV, I lean toward third person limited POV, I wrote it weird and didn't add dialogue tags for some reason

[icequeenbae]

Desert Flower (m) Ch. 2 | BBH

Pairing: Baekhyun x Reader x Baëkhyun

Characters: EXO and X-EXO (not all of them mentioned)

EXO vs X-EXO dynamics, complicated relationships, angsty, action, smut (as usual)

Warnings: sorta mingling with your ex’s ‘evil twin’, mentions of blood/ violence (nothing too graphic… I suppose), Y/N gets teary a lot(?), explicit content, rough sex, unprotected sex

Word Count: ~13.5k (full), ~3.4k (Chapter 2)

Summary: Baekhyun, your beloved boyfriend of three years, suddenly breaks up with you and disappears from the city in an attempt to protect you. But leaving you alone and clueless means trouble will surely find you. For it is easy to spot a flower in the desert.

Masterlist   >> One >> Two (m) >> Three (m) >> Four (fin)

Author’s Note: This chapter is going to be a little different! There’s angst, there’s drama, there’s smut... You will find out what I meant by ‘complicated relationships’ 🤭 Don’t forget to share your thoughts^^

Tags: @blahblahblah-boo​ @baeklightsx​ @wooya1224​ @baekklove​

Chapter 2. Get him back

The day he left you it was pouring, and in your mind, it rained ever since. Hours turned into days, days turned into weeks, and weeks flew by. You did everything on autopilot, without thinking or differentiating between tasks. Everything around you was a grey mess, and you couldn’t maintain a single thought in your head, not one thought that didn’t have something to do with the breakup.

Was it even that? He just left, telling you that it was ‘for your own good’. Asking for no opinions. Frankly, you were angry with him. You would've been furious, but it was hard to tap into your irritation when it hurt so much in your chest. For the first time in your life, you realized that you were gone too far. So far, that you felt like a piece of you was missing now. The one you’d possibly never get back.

You also realized that you belonged fully to that friend circle as well — there wasn’t even anyone for you to talk to anymore, or wallow with, which made your sorry ass feel even more pathetic. Your entire world revolved around your protective boyfriend of three years, and now that he was gone it felt as unsafe as ever. Who knows, maybe it was your sixth sense alerting you as to what was to come.

It happened over a month after your last encounter with Baekhyun.

You were lounging in the campus library, mostly because your weeks of heartbreak caused you to miss a few deadlines, so now you had to take additional assignments to do well at the finals. Having no inspiration, or better yet, no one to hurry to, made you stay there for long hours, barely managing to get one task completed at a time.

The space was almost empty since it was rather late, and looking around you suddenly felt a tinge of nostalgia. Muttering that you should get ahold of your stupid self, you walked slowly towards the tall aisle with your useless book. In the labyrinth, you wandered for a bit, reminiscing of the first interaction with your… now ex? Your first boyfriend? Your first love?

The thought left a bitter taste in your mouth, and you opted for walking further as if surrounded by books you could somehow block your bubbling feelings out.

A strange sound caught your attention.

No idea why, you kept walking towards it, soon stepping around the corner and freezing on the spot.

Only a few feet away there was a couple making out. The girl was pressed harshly into the shelves and grunted, as her partner shoved one hand underneath her shirt to squeeze her breast, and his other one grasped her neck, adding to the obscenity of their misplaced passion. You were ready to flush tomato red and vanish on the spot when you noticed something… familiar.

That side profile.

You would never mistake it for anyone else’s.

Wide-eyed in shock, you almost jumped when the male turned around, dark irises foreign to you. His eyebrow raised slightly as he took in your distress with half-lidded eyes, not even bothering to stop groping the girl.

‘B- Baekhyun?’ You said in such a tiny voice that you barely even heard yourself.

The sound of your book dropping to the floor ripped you out of the stupor, and you turned around. Out of the labyrinth you ran, not even bothering to put your belongings back into your bag neatly. You simply grabbed everything from the table and kept running. The surroundings were blurry, but you could see one thing clearly – his lustful eyes, mocking your naivety.

It hurt too much. Unable to hold your tears till you make it home, you found yourself locked in the stall of the nearest bathroom. The way you cried there was almost physically painful, and you struggled to catch enough air as you did. Nor did you care enough to prevent yourself from making noises. Your whole body was shaking with your sobs, and you weren’t entirely sure you hadn’t gone crazy just then. From seeing what you saw. From reopening the still-hurting wounds and seasoning them richly with salt.

However long it took you to dehydrate yourself with the seeping sorrow, you managed to stop, hiccupping only every now and then. Finally shoving your laptop and notes into your bag, you got out of the stall. Walking up to a mirror on wobbly legs, you gasped at your puffy face and red swollen eyes. Not that you really cared, but it was quite late, so you had good chances of sneaking out and getting home unnoticed.

Unless someone would be purposefully waiting for you to show your face, of course.

You took notice of the dark figure across the hall momentarily after exiting the bathroom. Turning the other way, you increased the pace of your steps, almost breaking into running speed to put some distance between the two of you.

‘Hey,’ a voice called from behind, and you felt a hand grabbing your upper arm to stop you.

The nerve he had.

‘Don’t fucking touch me!’ You barked at him, ripping away from his grasp fiercely.

He blinked, letting go, and you almost hiccupped again at the sight of his hair – even more silvery-white now than when he left you, slightly unkempt (from the prior activities, no less). As he opened his mouth to say something, you beat him to it.

‘Don’t talk to me. Don’t even look at me. You make me sick!’ You spat, wanting to both claw at his beautifully sculpted face and to snivel pathetically again. Instead, you turned around and took off before he gathered himself enough to try initiating a conversation again.

Because… What the fuck was he thinking?

***

You fell ill. It probably wasn’t unrelated to what happened at the library, but you became so feverish that your roommate was on the verge of driving you to the hospital. Three days later your fever finally broke, however, you felt weak and drained and depressed for another week afterwards.

Staying at home, you kept rewinding back to the ‘event’. How could he? Coming back like that, and not even having the decency to not screw around right under your nose. You were repulsed by what you saw, and it was almost hateful how the heaviness in your chest only worsened. The bitterness of the situation added to it – he lied to you, just to be with someone else weeks, or, perhaps, even days, hours after. Maybe all of it was a lie, you didn’t know anymore.

This Baekhyun… You didn’t think you’d ever known him.

The subsequent week you avoided all of the crowded areas of the campus, dreading that you’d have to face him again. It would be impossible to maintain your calm in that case, so you took all of the possible precautions. But what could you have done if he was looking for you?

Upon your following encounter, you failed your attempt to vanish out of his sight the way you did before. It was essentially you walking into a trap, as you headed home rather late after finally squeezing your last important assignment out on paper. Not giving the outside world a single moment of attention, you stopped at the top of the stairs to put your phone into your bag and zip it up.

‘Aren’t you a mystery woman, Y/N,’ the voice almost made you drop your stuff.

You glanced up, taking notice of the murky figure, leaning onto a nearby tree. As he began walking in your direction, you turned on your heels and took off. It felt stupid to run from him like this, but you absolutely did not want to break down in front of him. You wanted to preserve at least some dignity.

As you flew down the stairs, you stumbled and almost dove headfirst to the ground. Thankfully, a swift limb wrapped around you before you could do that.

‘Are you dumb?’ He exclaimed into your ear.

‘Let go of me!’ You writhed in his hold, trying to free your body from the illusive familiarity of his touch.

‘You’re a danger to yourself! What the fuck,’ he swore under his breath, releasing you at once.

‘I told you to leave me alone. Do whatever you want, just stay out of my freaking life, Baekhyun!’ You yelled in his face, fuming from his shameless behavior. Why was he acting like nothing was even wrong with this?

‘Unbelievable. Your twin screws someone over, and you’re the one held accountable,’ he rolled his eyes.

Twin… what?

‘What are you talking about?’ You asked in bewilderment.

‘I believe, introductions are in order. I’m Baëkhyun, nice to meet you.’

***

That was… embarrassing. So embarrassing.

You had no idea there was, well, a live copy of Baekhyun walking around. And even though your ex-boyfriend was secretive, you couldn’t believe he left something like this out. Were you an actual joke to him?!

Baëkhyun said they weren’t particularly close. He explained to you that he hadn’t seen his twin in years, and his friends helped him obtain the little knowledge of his whereabouts that led him here. Thinking he could find Baekhyun by asking around he… got ‘involved’ with a girl or two. Or a dozen, who knows? But, apparently, your reaction the first time you’d met piqued his curiosity. When you flushed at the memory, apologizing profusely, he only said that he found it odd and strangely cute, the way you got upset with him.

‘I’m not as great of a guy as Baekhyun,’ he shrugged. ‘Not that I’m trying to be, anyways.’

You frowned.

After the way he left you, Baekhyun was not at the top of your ‘greatest people of all times’ list either. You could understand why your new acquaintance mentioned this, you had witnessed enough to gather that he was not at all well-behaved. Also, his ways of extracting information… Not very professional, to say the least. But who were you to judge? Now that you’d learned that he wasn’t your ex, you were genuinely ashamed of the hysteria of the past couple of weeks.

But Baëkhyun was different.

When he got your number and promised to text, you didn’t think much of it. You hummed and rolled your eyes – as if that was going to happen. Yet he surprised you by sending a quick message the following week. And then… you just kept talking. Which went on for a while, whilst you’d grown slightly addicted to it. Somehow, Baëkhyun became the only person who could take your mind off of his twin. So, even when you finally went on the long-awaited summer break, you stayed in touch with him. And not only via text – you’d been seeing each other on a regular basis.

Randomly at first – you’d just bump into him somewhere around the university premises, and he’d then suggest grabbing coffee. But as it progressed, you ended up inviting him over for dinner. Partially because you felt acutely lonely with your roommate gone, and partially because�� you missed him. It was hard to put a finger on it – you’d initially thought that it was just misplaced longing for Baekhyun that pushed you towards his twin, and it felt so wrong. Almost like you wanted to use him to soothe the ache in your heart that had been bothering you ever since your ex-boyfriend had left.

Yet Baëkhyun seemed so magnetic. He hypnotized you with his blue eyes, which changed from the icy light color to dark, almost black, and were just as sharp as his twin’s. And his sassy smirk – the one he had plastered across his face almost always. Baëkhyun wasn’t warm like Baekhyun, yet there was still something about him that had you walking willingly into his trap. Maybe it was the mysterious glint in his eyes as he looked down at you or the way he sized you up whenever he caught a glimpse of you, like you were his prey. Being alone with him felt both dangerous and exciting, and you kept fooling yourself, basing your blind trust on nothing but his relation to your ex.

You never noticed how quickly he managed to build trust between you. And how you didn’t even know much about him, yet you did tell him a lot. Like that one time, he asked you where you thought Baekhyun was.

‘Wouldn’t I like to know,’ you chuckled, sadness in your voice. ‘He just left. I don’t think he even kept his phone.’

‘I always said he was the dumb one of the two. And to think that he’s the strategist,’ he snorted, splayed on your couch comfortably.

You looked at your hands in your lap, subconsciously calming yourself by playing with your fingers.

‘Stop,’ you shivered as his palm covered your fidgety hands. ‘Stop thinking about him.’

Eyes traveling to his face, you caught a glimpse of the frown that formed there.

And then he kissed you. Out of the blue, giving you no time to think or pull away.

And you let him. Grabbing at the soft leather of his pants, you allowed him to do as he pleased with you. Baëkhyun tasted familiar, though his kissing was anything but – rough and messy, lots of tongue and teeth, making your head spin with flaming passion. You didn’t resist when he pulled you into his lap, or when he ripped your clothes off, item by item. He was not asking and you were not thinking. It didn’t feel like something you should stop at the time. Rather, you thought you would’ve cried had he paused for longer than a second, so you kept clinging to him in response.

The demanding grip he had on your thighs only made you crave it more, lust seeping into your system as you wrapped your arms around his neck and rolled your hips into his. He emitted a deep sound, helping you grind on him.

‘Good girl,’ he gritted into your lips, landing a slap or two on your ass along the way.

As you kept going, your bare breasts grazed his skin, and your panties became soaked and sticky. You were probably flushed rosy red as you chased the tight feeling in your lower abdomen, his eyes hungrily taking in your frenzy. He slapped you again, a sharp hit resonating through you like electricity.

‘Baëk,’ you half-moaned. ‘Please fuck me-’

You couldn’t even believe that you were begging him like that, out loud. But the desperation grew as your body threw itself at him, demanding release.

He moved your panties out of the way, fingers instantly getting wet with your arousal.

‘Such a needy little slut,’ he murmured, making you shiver.

It was all new. The name-calling, the manhandling, the way he bit harshly into your lower lip and tugged at your hair. And somehow, it was exactly what you needed.

He didn’t waste much time to prep you, opting for taking his already hard length out and running the tip between your folds, making you jolt and cry out, nails digging into the back of his neck.

‘Sink on my cock and take what you want. Like a bad girl would.’ He addressed in a low voice, smearing the remainder of your lipstick over your mouth with his thumb. ‘Wanna be a whore for me?’

‘Yes,’ you muttered, and he smacked you on the ass again, emphasizing that you needed to be louder. ‘Yes!’

He let go of your hips, hands resting on your legs, allowing you to slam down on your own. You whimpered at the slight burn but kept going. Moving this fast wasn’t the way you were used to doing it, but all the more exciting for that. Using his shoulders to steady yourself, you worked your hips hard. A sheen of sweat on your chest glimmered as you increased the pace, wailing as his tip nudged at your cervix. He watched you with his dark blue eyes, hands kneading your ass, and filthy mouth guiding you.

‘Squeeze your tight little hole.’

Meanwhile, you struggled to maintain the tiresome pace, yet held onto the sensation of his girth pressing against your walls as he glided in and out of you.

‘Ah fuck, Baëkhyun!’ You moaned, feeling the tickle of perspiration making its way down your abs.

‘I know you’re close.’ He licked his lips seductively. ‘Want me to help?’

‘Yes, yes, please,’ you keened, leg almost cramping from the uncomfortable position.

‘Leave your begging for another time, baby. Like I said, if you want something, you should take it.’

You whined, head spinning at the suggestion. His eyes, expectant, traced the stubborn crease between your brows while you kept rocking your hips. Then, you did the first thing that came to your blurry mind. Your hands reached up to grasp his hair and pull hard, tilting his head back and leaving the long column of his neck exposed for the attack of your lips. Sucking a bruise on it harshly, you then used your teeth to ensure he’d have a bright mark in a few hours. Creeping up his neck and his jaw, you licked at his lower lip, and then into his mouth – like an animal would.

‘Oh,’ he smirked, hands seizing you and holding you down, with him snug inside you. ‘So, my good girl is not as innocent as she seemed?’ He teased, the lustful glint in his eyes boosting your confidence to the level of insolence.

‘Shut up,’ you replied firmly, sliding off of him and flopping backwards to finally get some circulation in your legs. ‘Stop slacking off and make me come, you asshole.’

His eyes flashed at your brazen words. Shoving you roughly until you were flat on your back, he grabbed onto your thighs, dragging you closer to him. Instantly you cried out as he landed two consecutive slaps on your pussy, holding his heavy hard-on at the base. Pleased with your reaction, he did it again, not saying another word before he bottomed out inside you. A new wave of arousal washed over you, and you clenched around him, eyes fluttering shut. He didn’t even think to spare you the morning soreness as he nailed you like an actual whore.

‘Ah right there, right there- oh fuck, Baëkhyun,’ you sobbed, clawing at his flexed arm, when he placed one of your legs over his shoulder and leaned forward, basically stretching you open for himself.

This position made you feel vulnerable, like you had no choice but to take everything he was giving you, but it was what you needed. His every thrust resonated inside, making your muscles clench, and ripping more curses and moans out of you. Even though his pace was rather brutal, there wasn’t too much pain along with it – Baëkhyun knew all the right spots.

Mouth agape, you arched your back in silent agony, and a few more hits of his thighs later came so hard that it almost made you pass out on the spot. The hand over your mouth muffled your scream, and he let your leg slide off of his shoulder, pressing his palm against it to keep you in place and prevent you from closing your knees.

Muscles contracting uncontrollably, you whimpered at his continued thrusts as you became too sensitive from the drawn-out pleasure, tears soaking your lashes by the time he finally pulled out.

Baëkhyun grunted lowly, and you opened your eyes to witness him jerk himself off at the sight of your swollen, fucked out pussy, not even blinking until thick ropes of his semen painted your lower belly.

Despite having just performed a thorough fucking, he lowered himself on his elbow slowly and brushed the rogue strands of hair away out of your eyes.

‘You’re a naughty one. I love it,’ he murmured, positioning one of his hands on your neck as he kissed you deeply. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll teach you how to be in control.’

And so, you let yourself fall down the rabbit hole. And there was no telling what you’d gotten yourself into.

>> Chapter 3

A/N: Whooo, Baёk is here, stirring some kind of trouble, isn’t he? 🤭 Our poor Y/N-ie is walking on thin ice. What do you think of their relationship? Feels a little bit like cheating, right? Technically it isn’t. But still, the darkness is always pretty seductive...

[laurensxox]

Fandom :: The Arcana

Pairing :: Julian Devorak x Reader (Not Apprentice)

Requested? :: no

Warning/s :: Julian's Route (Upright) and New Tale Spoilers, Named Apprentice, Female Reader, Chronic Illness, Swearing, Author is projecting their longing

Genre :: Angst

Summary :: Julian spends the night reminiscing over childhood memories and longing to go back to the past where he was in Nevivon again, playing as carefree as one can be with the one person he truly cared about other than his younger sister

Author's Note :: Stark, if you're reading this, I'm fighting you for this dramatic, self-sacrificing dumbdumb-

Song Inspiration :: Talking to the Moon by Bruno Mars

Portia's Cottage :: Just After Sundown

A chuckle left the auburn haired man as he watches Pasha relay stories of their childhood to their friends, informing them of how they were raised by a group of grandmothers and how their parents actually perished from a shipwreck caused by a rather strong storm. Mazelinka quickly add in how much of a troublemaker the two of them has become as the years pass by, didn't even waste the chance to tell them about the tooth fairy situation which caused Julian to go beet red in mild embarassment. Their friends were in no need to know that story!

Shaking his head, he let a more genuine smile form on his face. As embarrassed as he is right now, he was happy to see everyone laughing jovially without the fear of Lucio's plans with the Devil weighing on their shoulders. A warm sensation forms in his chest as he tries to hold in his laughter as Pasha nearly slips on her feet with her excitement to share their history. It was nice to be able to just laugh and and thrive in the positive energy inside the cottage! Even Muriel, their very introverted friend, seems to be relaxed as he lets Allen (Apprentice) braid his hair using flower stems while Asra leans on his side.

Looking at the trio and sensing the strong forming bond between Pasha and the Countess, Julian couldn't help the small pang of longing swell somewhere within himself. He couldn't stop his mind from pushing forward memories he tried to bury and lock away.

"Ilya, help! I'm slipping!"

"Don't worry, I'll catch you!"

The longing pang quickly turned to pain as the memories rushes back to the surface. He could feel his hand start to tremble as the formerly locked away memories barrels it's way to the front of his mind. Jumbled memories of playing tag and tending to scraped knees should have made him feel fond but it makes feel nothing but longing. Longing for a time and companionship he knows he'll never be able to have again.

Taking a deep breath, he hadn't noticed that he had closed his eyes until he opened them. With him being occupied with trying to stir himself away from the path of self-loathing once again, he hadn't noticed how quiet the cottage had gotten, its other residents looking at him with concerned eyes. Not even the Familiars scattered in the room made a noise.

He forced a laugh to ease the sudden change of atmosphere in the cottage, hoping it sounded convincing enough to clear the concern away from his family and friends' eyes. While he has come to terms that it's okay to ask and receive help instead of keeping things to himself, he still struggles with it. And it was obvious with the way he tries to act like he was okay, that he wasn't just bombarded with memories he doesn't want to remember.

"What is with that look, my dear friends? I am perfectly well, no worries!" he exclaimed, giving them his usual smirk and raised eyebrow, internally hoping it'll be enough to convince them that there was nothing to be concerned about. "There is nothing in this world that this handsome and smart devil can't handle!" His little comment about himself seems to be the right thing to say as his friends immediately rolled their eyes in fond exasperation. Although, by the look of his sister and honorary grandmother, he guessed that they have seen right through him and he can already see his funeral-

He gave a small sigh and let a small weary look replace his earlier expression, "I'll just head outside to take in a quick breath of fresh air," he said as he quickly exited the cottage before his two family member could say anything. Knowing that they'll probably just follow right after him, he quickly made his way away from the cottage and into the hedge maze by the palace gardens. It took him a while to get to the center but he was relieved to see it empty. Consul Valerius has taken to drinking his usual wine there in this time so he was quite happy to see that for once, the Consul broke his routine. He needed to be alone right now.

Taking a seat in one of the chairs surrounding a rounded table, he crossed his arms on the table and used it to rest his head upon. Taking another deep breath to calm his racing heart, he closed his eyes.

Maybe he needs to stop locking away these memories, he has only done so before due to his need to focus on finding the cure for the plague and then having to focus to not get caught by the patrolling palace guards when he was still a wanted convict. The memories and the longing for his childhood best friend used to be a big distraction for him while he was still working under Valdemar.

He didn't need to do any of those anymore... So maybe...

The soft rapid footsteps echoed in the small forest near the town of Nevivon, followed by the childish giggling of two children. Both children wore a tattered white sheet of cloth, the corners wrapped around their necks in a way that resembles that of a cape. Whilst in their heads rests crudely made paper crowns.

Young Julian and his best friend, (Y/N), were already considered too old for these kind of games by some of the grandmas and fellow children but the two gave them no mind, choosing to continue living in their fantasy world until they were truly too old for it.

The two children stopped once they have reached the center of the forest where a small meadow hides in. It was decorated by dozens of wild flowers and the breeze were always refreshing. The two has deemed this as their spot when they had first found it years ago, back when they were much younger.

They call the meadow as their kingdom, where they are the rulers, side by side as King and Queen. The wild flowers are their loyal subjects and sometimes, when Pasha joins them, she acts as their ambassador.

Young Julian kneeled as they reach the very center that they always keep clean, it was their designated throne room. The young boy carefully plucked a blue hued flower from the ground, he didn't know what kind of flower it was but it was pretty, a perfect gift for his 'Queen'

As if mocking the reminiscing man, right across from him and innocently clinging to the hedge wall was the very same flower that he had picked back then. He didn't know if he wants to sneer at it or be fond of it. He wished he has a glass of Salty Bitters right now, maybe he should have headed to Rowdy Raven instead of here.

"Would you have approved of the man that I have become, (Y/N)?" he whispered as he stares at the flower, as if it would miraculously turn into his childhood friend and answer him. Maybe that was possible? Allen did transform him into Asra back then, would the illusion work on a plant as well? But then again, that will be all it'll ever be. Just an illusion.

The grandmas all exchanged fond gazes as they watch their resident troublemakers sing songs with all their heart, their love for the dramatic was very much obvious at that moment.

Little Portia was banging on pots like drums by the sidelines, sometimes singing some lines as well when prompted by either her older brother or the girl she was starting to see as her older sister.

He stood up from his place and started to make his way out of maze. He wasn't going to go back in the cottage nor was he in any hurry, he just felt too restless to stay sitted in one place. He has gotten used to always moving around with all his running from guards and fighting a Major Arcana. But before he went back to trying to find his way in the maze, he stopped in front of the flower that he has been staring at.

It was a small flower with 6 petals that looks blue and violet at the same time, the bud in the middle was light green in color and it was the only flower growing in the hedge. From what Julian remembers, these flowers grow in bundles. So to see one so alone, well, it didn't help the growing hole inside him.

Gently plucking the flower like he did so in his childhood, he observed the flower a little more before making his way back into maze, taking the small flower with him. Surely, the Countess would not mind him plucking such a small wild flower, now would she?

Julian looked up from his book as he felt something soft being places om his hair, looking up, he saw (Y/N) placing what looks to be a bunch of flowers weaved together in a circlet manner on top of his head. Something similar on her own head as well.

"What are you doing, peanut?" he asked the girl, gently closing his book and waiting for the other to finish adjusting the flowers. He had taken to calling her 'Peanut' after he had caught her trying to sneakily take the peanuts in the communal pantry. He didn't snitch to the grandmas, of course.

"Just adjusting your flower crown, bum-bum" she answered, making small more adjustments before appearing satisfied that the flower crown both looks good and will surely stay on her friend's head when they begin to trek their way home later.

The Doctor surprisingly got out pretty easy, definitely faster than when he was first trying to get to the heart of the maze. Looking down at the flower, he let a sad smile adorn his face.

"I suppose even after all these years, you're still my lucky charm, huh, (Y/N)?" he mumbled under his breath, giving the one of the petals a small kiss before continuing to walk.

He didn't really have a destination, the palace grounds was vast and there are still some areas of it that he hasn't been to. Maybe a little exploring wouldn't hurt? He hopes Pasha wouldn't get too worried if he takes too long to get back to her cottage, he does often find himself in troubling situations.

"You know what? I wouldn't even ask how you manage to be in this situation." (Y/N) said, crossing her arms as she narrows her eyes at the boy dangling before her.

Julian had, at that moment, managed to get himself tangled in the vines surrounding the branches of the tree. Truth be told, he was trying to climb the tree in order to get fresh fruits for his sister and best friend. But when he finally managed to get on a branch, a crow suddenly flew out of its nest and caused him to go off balance, fortunately being caught by the vines, no matter how tangled up he got.

He wouldn't tell her that though, lord knows she wouldn't let him live it down.

"Why, my dear peanut, I was just trying to see how strong these vines are and if they would make a good rope!" It was honestly a good excuse for him, but apprently not good enough for (Y/N) as she just raised her eyebrow at him, clearly not believing him.

After a good bit of exploring, he manages to find himself near the fountains where he saw the trio couple making their way back to the palace. Were they on their way home already? How long has he been outside? Shaking his head, he called for their attention and made his way to them.

"Going home already?" he asked, raising a brow as he observes the many colorful flowers adoring Muriel's hair. It was quite a new look on the tall man but it surprisingly suits him. Seeing his friend give him a narrowed look, he moved his gaze to the two magicians.

"Yeah, I'm feeling quite a bit tired already and Asra wanted to do a quick inventory of the stocks we have left in the shop" Allen explained, moving to lightly keep their wild green hair out of their sight. It was getting a little long, they might need a cut soon. "Though, we don't plan to stay there for the whole night, just a quick inventory and dinner then straight to Muri's where we'll sleep for tonight" the apprentice added, giving the taller doctor a smile.

"I see, I see! Well, don't let me hold you back for any longer, have a safe walk home!" he exclaimed, moving to walk further before he was stopped by a gentle grip on his wrist. Turning back, he saw that it was Allen who held him back. He could see the concern swirling in their green eyes but the smile never faltered away from their face. "Yes, dear?" he asked.

"You know you can talk to us if there's something bothering you, right? You don't have to if you're not comfortable but just remember that we're here, okay?" Moved by their words, Julian pulled them into a sideway hug and let out a genuine laugh. He was so lucky to have his friends. Sometimes he still thinks he doesn't deserve them but he knew to keep it to himself for now. He didn't fancy sitting through another lecture session about his self worth by his sister again.

"Aw, Allen, don't you worry about lil 'ol me! I'm quite alright now!" That was a lie, he was far from alright, but his friend doesn't need to know that. "I may talk to Pasha and Mazelinka about it so no need to worry that cute little head of yours" That seemed to settle the Apprentice as they pulled away from the hug and gave his arm one last pat before moving to stand between their partners.

"You should do that now before Portia wears a hole in her carpet with how much she's pacing when we left" Asra said before he and the other two gave the auburn haired man one last wave and left.

Deciding to do as his magician friend said, he started his way back to his sister's cottage. Earlier was such a good day, it wouldn't do to plague his sister with worries and sour up the light mood. He already did that earlier before he walked out, best not make it worse.

Looking up at the dark sky, he smiled as he admires the scattered stars. It was a beautiful night, the full moon was giving the world such a soft look and it made things seem so peaceful. It made him feel like he was back to laying in the meadow near Nevivon. Like he was laying next to... Next to...

He wasn't able to wipe away his tears before they begun to fall down his cheeks. A sob fought its way out of his throat as he falls to a crouch.

Fuck, he wants to go back. He really really wants to go back-

Julian observed the wide sky and the many stars on them, it was a beautiful night and the night breeze was cold and as he lays on the equally cool grass of the meadow, it soothes his heated skin. It made him sigh in contentment, what more could he want?

Looking at his left, he smiled as he sees his sleeping sister. The little girl had decided to join them that night in their nightly star gazing but it didn't take long before she fell asleep, not used to staying up later than her bedtime. He'll have to carry her home later on.

The sight on his right took his breath away. Blush rushed to his face as he seems to see his best friend in a completely different light.

There, laying beside him, was (Y/N). The moonlight was softly hitting her face, and it made her (eye color) so much more brighter like gems, like the stars that littered the dark sky above them. Her laugh as she continues to talk about the astrology that she learned from Mazelinka, sounds like soothing bells to his ears.

Since when has his peanut became this... pretty?

He longs to be in her arms again, he longs to hear her voice again. No doubt it would still sound like music to his ears. He wants to make flower crowns again, he wants to play king and queen again, he wants to stargaze with her again, he wants to sneakily steal cookies, hangout by the hot springs, pick flowers for the grandmas, share lessons with Lilinka, he wants to...

He really wants to see her again.

Julian sat on her bed by her side, his hand gently holding her weaker and much fragile one, her illness eating away her strength. Her ring finger still holds the flower ring he had made earlier that week, it was already wilting but the girl refuses to take it off.

"I made up my mind." he said, breaking the solemn silence in the room. It made the other look at him curiously, waiting for him to elaborate.

"I'll take the offer to study medicine in Prakra" he explained, finally looking at his best friend and secretly, the girl who has his heart in her gentle grip for he doesn't think his bestfriend could ever be harsh, other than when she's twisting his ear for getting in trouble without her

But he can't, he knew he can't. She probably hates him, gotten word of his 'crimes' and no longer sees him as her best friend. But as a murderer, a plague doctor who assisted his superior on experimenting to dying plague victims in search of the cure.

She probably already has a family of her own now, has 3 children like she once said she wanted. Probably has a nice spouse that always makes her laugh and will never hurt her. A spouse that doesn't have their sins still haunting them in every step and breath they take.

"You're leaving me?" the pain in her voice was clear, she was hurt at the thought. They had planned to wait for her to be cured before they decide to go out of their hometown to travel, to study medicine like they always dreamed of.

"Not for long, I know we planned to study together but..." He took a deep breath, "I'm doing this for you, (Y/N), I want to study now for you"

Silence filled the room once again.

Julian clutched up at his coat, the place right over his heart where it hurts the most. He had completely fallen to his knees, tears continues to drip down to the ground from his eyes, his other hand gripping the ground.

Whispered apologies leaving his mouth over and over again.

"Promise me you'll come back? That you won't forget about me?"

Julian stared at his love's dull but hopeful (eye color) orbs, hisbhand momentarily leaving hers to gently caress her cheek.

"I'm so sorry... (Y/N), I'm so sorry..."

"I promise"

"I broke our promise... I'm so sorry, my love..."

[...]

Meanwhile, in the same meadow of Julian's memories, sits a much grown up version of the girl in his memories. Body trembling as sobs come right after one another, clutching a bundle of those same blue wildflowers to her chest. Her eyes tightly shut as tears falls to the ground of her childhood. The girl looked up, staring at the same moon that Julian was previously admiring.

"Where are you, Ilya? I thought you'll come back... You promised... You promised..."

Anyone interested in a reunion sequel? 👀

My apologies if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes, I just woke up when I finished this lol

Anyways, I hope you all liked this! Let me know what you think, don't be shy! 💙

[where-theres-smoak-2]

Hiya 👋 I find it fascinating when people point out stuff about main characters that are brushed over and was I was wondering what’s your top reasons you dislike Alina and what scenes made you dislike her / made no sense.

Well I don't dislike Alina in the show but in the books I do think she is badly written. But here are some things that made the book character less appealing to me than the show.

I think the main one is her complete lack of agency. She very rarely makes any decisions for herself and just seems to go along with what everyone else (mostly male characters) say. There is a problem and instead of Alina being the one to make a decision or think of a solution she is told this is what we are going to do by either, M*l, Nikolai or the apparat. She is pushed around the plot by others actions instead of taking control herself and so often appears more as a puppet than as a commander or influential person in herself. For example in the show Alina is the one who tells M*l that they should seek the stag and kill it for it's amplification powers before the darkling does. Yet in the books this decision isn't hers but M*l's and Alina just goes along with it. There are also several instances where she clearly doesn't agree with the course of action or doesn't want to do something and yet she does it anyway, an example of this is when Nikolai and M*l want to attack the Volcra nest in the fold. She clearly has qualms about it but ends up folding to their will, another example is M*l insisting that once the fold and the darkling are destroyed that they seek a way to remove the amplifier, again this is something Alina doesn't want to do but she agrees with M*l and doesn't tell him her true desire. So what we end up with is a female protagonist who very much seems to be a pawn to the male characters in the book.

Another thing I disliked about the character's storyline is that she was often the victim of men, held captive and used to their advantage and this included one the supposed heroes. The darkling takes her captive twice wanting to use the amplifiers and control her to meet his own goals, Nikolai also at one point takes her captive and only really gives her freedom back to her because she agrees to help him, and the apparat takes her captive so that he can use her to gain religious power over the masses. She also never gets herself out of these situations, she just accepts her situation and waits to be rescued, for others to save her so that they too can use her for their own gain. I find this theme of her either being a victim of men or the pawn of one really worrying.

Another issue with the way she is written which again ties into the two above is that she is made far too dependant on M*l. Not only does she make herself very ill by suppressing her powers to stay with M*l but when her powers are revealed her refusal to let go of her attachment to M*l means that she struggles to master her powers, she becomes physically unable to summon because her refusal to let M*l go. Later in book two and three she spends a lot of time pining after him and getting in arguments about their positions of power. M*l feels useless and resents Alina's new position and power, he wants things to go back to how they were. He really does hold her back in many ways and this really should have been a love that they both grew out of but instead despite it being made obvious that they don't really fit together they both refuse to let the other go which means one or the other has to make sacrifices in order for them to be together. Not only that but Alina often puts M*l's needs, wants and safety above the greater good, rather than save the grisha or other vulnerable people she will safe M*l even going so far as to let 30-40 innocent people die in the fold so that she can save his life. This co-dependant relationship that she has with M*l is very unhealthy and toxic which would be ok if this was recognised within the narrative and then steps were taken to fix it, but instead this relationship is presented as some grand love story despite how damaging it truly is to Alina. In the Tv adaption they show us that Alina can be very happy and actually thrive without M*l in ep 5, its the happiest we ever see her and the most confident, yet she never gets this opportunity in the books.

Alina is also very insecure and jealous and we often see her pitted against other females, in particular Zoya. If there is one thing I really am not a fan of its authors pitting women against women particularly when it is over a man. Throughout all of the books Alina is insecure that Zoya is more beautiful than her and is insecure about her own looks, particularly when is comes to M*l, she is often jealous believing M*l will be turned by other pretty girls instead of him staying loyal to her. She often worries that she won't be good enough as the Sun Summoner and that the people will come to hate her. Again all of this would have been fine if it were limited to just the beginning of her story arc and it was something she overcame, but she never really does. She often comes across as being quite sulky as well. There was this one quote that I kept seeing in the tag that Alina says which is 'I am the Sun Summoner. It gets dark when I say it does.' Obviously before reading the books I kept wondering the circumstances of her saying this. It is a bit of a badass quote so naturally I was imaging all kinds of grand, dramatic scenarios, her shouting it across the battlefield to the darkling, her saying it in a war meeting as they are making plans as a way of instilling hope and confidence in her troops. So you can imagine my disappointment when it is actually said whilst she is lying outside on the ground, sad and feeling sorry for herself. When presented with a problem or a wrench in a plan she doesn't rally her team and try to come up with a solution instead she just sulks which as a reader I found very frustrating. The thing is both Alina and M*l are written as rather realistic teenagers, but the problem is this doesn't fit the world they are living in. They live in a world based off imperial russia and yet the characters do not behave as if they are, instead they act like they are modern day teenagers attending high school with petty jealousy and childhood crushes.

There is also her identity as a grisha and relationship with the grisha. One of the more interesting aspects of the grisha trilogy is the grisha's story, their oppression and their fight to be recognised as human beings and equals. Yet Alina shows very little care for the Grisha. In fact to me it seems like the author just made Alina grisha to serve the plot. Alina is grisha because the narrative needs her to be, they need her to be powerful enough to defeat the villainous darkling and destroy the fold. Instead of striving to improve things for the Grisha Alina supports the monarchy that has spent centuries oppressing them. The moment LB no longer needs Alina to be grisha she is stripped of the identity and the grisha are left in their misery in a world that still hunts, kills and enslaves them.

Alina is also often punished in the narrative by other characters but also by herself. She is often shamed for the attraction she felt towards the darkling and is called things like stupid girl. Not only is she blamed for falling for the darkling's manipulation she is also told she is greedy and power hungry for seeking out the amplifiers and political power. It's a very twisted message that is sent because we are told she is seeking the amplifiers to stop the villain which is a heroic cause and yet we are also told that she is doing out of greed. There seems to be this message that women should not seek power or a change in their position because that means they are greedy and evil.

Then after three books of the protagonist being used as a chess piece by the men in the story she gets one of the worst endings a heroine could. Both Nikolai and M*l get what they want in the end but its at a cost to Alina, Nikolai gets the Ravkan throne and M*l gets the quiet farm life with Alina as his wife. But Alina loses her powers and the position of power she got with them. The two things she explicitly asks for and tells us she desires, her position as general of the second army and her powers/amplifiers. In fact she even tells us in the second book that given a choice she would not give up her powers not even for M*l. Yet that is what happens and worse than that the narrative tells us that she was wrong and greedy for seeking power and influence, they present this ending she gets as a happy one because she gets to spend her life with M*l living a nice normal life. As a reader I found this difficult to except because the character had told us on many occasions that it was not what she wanted, we are shown often how miserable she is without her powers and yet we are expected to believe that this was some wonderful fairytale ending for her when it seems like whilst the men got their happy ever afters it was at the expense of Alina.

There is probably more but before this turns into a full on rant I think it best to leave it here.

[rainbowsky]

More on the Fan Fic issue

I have a few more asks about the issue raised the other day, some of which are long and go into detail on the 'wars' that have been happening on Twitter and AO3.

Sorry for grouping these but I wanted to put it all under a cut because these are long, and also in case people don't want to dig into these issues (which would be understandable).

Anonymous 1 asked:

"I am very strongly of the opinion that the BJYX term is still a fandom umbrella term" I agree. Mainly because Bjyx is the most popular. Many antis always say bjyx, and have no idea the others. So sometimes it's easier just to say bjyx instead of explaining all three. I myself more like "who cares as long as they happy." So I enjoy Yizhan in all contexts. Many bxgs I know also like that, mostly ibxgs. I think deep down all bxgs (no matter which position they prefer) just want Yizhan to be happy

Not sure we can be so certain about that last part, Anon (I think for a lot of people GG and DD are just characters in a smutty story they have in their heads), but I agree about the term being popular regardless of the type of fans people are.

From what I can see the BJYX term seems to be used 80-90% umbrella, 10-20% dynamic in both international and c-social media (for every 10 times you see the term used, only one or two of those usages - probably less - are referring to a dynamic). This is my totally unscientific estimation, but I think even 10-20% dynamic is being generous. The number of people who are fixated on a sexual dynamic aren't nearly as large as they'd like to believe.

Anonymous 2 asked:

about the promptfests - i’ve been on twitter since early 2020 and what i’ve noticed is that this influx bjyx-only promptfests started gaining speed once lots of rational voices started leaving the fandom recently either because a) new interests have caught their attention or b) the toxicity of the popular bxg circles on twitter have become too much to handle.

gdgdbaby was usually the organizer of dynamic-inclusive events, and she’s received lots, and lots, and lots of backlash by bxg, sometimes even by accounts with thousands followers, for using bjyx as a catch-all term. and as her interest in yizhan has since waned—hopefully for reasons unrelated to fandom toxicity—many of the people who were attracted to the welcoming environment she created distanced themselves as well.

zsww/lsfy fans have become an outnumbered circle who try their best to create exclusive events to avoid the “is bjyx a catch-all term” discourse, but never seem to gain as much traction as gdgdbaby (who has a sizeable following) or those who host bjyx-only events (who also have sizeable followings).

meanwhile the dynamic war has only become more and more hostile and bjyx is clearly the more populated group… ao3 is simply a battlegrounds, if i may dramatize the situation a little for the sake of humor, and the promptfests are a reaction to this irritating t/b discourse that has made bxg twitter completely inhospitable for me…and lots of other fans too.

(i’ve also noticed a huge reinforcement as of recently where ppl will call gg laopo, a milf, an omega, etc even outside of rpf (i.e. posting pictures of him at events and saying he looks pregnant or he’s going into heat) and it’s just… uncomfortable.)

(also please note i have a biased account of all of this drama bc many of my friends were harassed over it, and anyone who disagrees with my take may feel free to interject.)

I took the liberty of adding paragraph breaks because they are pretty important for some readers, particularly ND readers like me.

It's sad to hear how fucked up everything has become, but I'm not even remotely surprised. Toxicity leads to toxicity, and the whole idea of dividing up a RP fandom by sex position was misguided from the outset - no matter why it was done or how good the intentions might have been.

And yes, like I said, these people aren't just framing things this way for fan fic. This is how they talk about IRL GGDD.

I had written a lengthy essay here about homophobia in the fandom but deleted it all. Perhaps I'll post it separately at some later point. Suffice it to say that this stuff creates a climate that's often hostile for queer people. So much of it is deeply homophobic, whether people are aware of it or not.

It's really sad to hear about gdgdbaby being mistreated in any way. Anyone who steps up and sticks their neck out to help organize and coordinate activities that benefit a broader group of people should be celebrated and supported, not run out of town by an angry mob.

I've read some of her stories and even have one or two on my rec list. And here's someone who is not only writing good works, but also supporting others to write more good works. Such a shame.

Anonymous 3 asked:

Hello Mr. RBS! I think I can chime in a bit about the fanfic topic as I’ve watched this all unravel on twitter (where a majority of authors/readers are). I apologize if this gets long but it’s been something that’s also been on my mind.

I want to preface this by saying that I’m not a fan of the distinctions of dynamics as, like you said, the supposed line between real life and fanfic is long gone, so I’m not trying to be biased against one group over another.

Short answer to the question of, “is this retaliation?” : I do believe it is. (From here onwards I’ll be using bjyx as the dynamic term just for the ease of simplicity.) To understand why, I’ll have to explain with a bit of background info. On twitter, I’d say that there’s a quite large divide between bjyx and zsww/lsfy. That itself isn’t really a problem because people are free to like what they like and associate with whoever.

However there is a big problem where bjyx people are not just bjyx but also anti-zsww/lsfy. To the point where I’ve seen people say that they feel physically ill when they accidentally read zsww. I don’t think this type of behavior should exist in any dynamic bc in the end GGDD are real people with a real relationship behind this content and it’s just a gross fetishization at that point.

With all this happening, zsww/lsfy people have gotten more outspoken on how GG is often portrayed in those types of scenarios, mainly the over-feminization of him, bc it’s not just done in the context of fanfic but regular discussion of GGDD at this point. This tension between the dynamics kind of boiled over when the pregnant xz fest was announced, as you can take a guess at how that went over with zsww/lsfy people. lol.

But around that same time, another zsww/lsfy event was announced (I’m not sure if it’s the one anon was talking about) but the creator of the event suddenly got a ton of backlash for excluding bjyx, with the reasoning that bjyx is technically a part of lsfy. But the event was done to highlight zsww/lsfy (as all specific events are) bc the community and content for these dynamics are much less than bjyx.

Which is how we come back to the starting point of, is all this recent bjyx stuff retaliatory. I believe so bc the events (preg fest, dark event) are very specific prompts that target exactly what zsww/lsfy people have been outspoken against.

As to the point anon made about trying to drown out the tags, keep in mind that zsww/lsfy content is very minimal compared to bjyx and has only just recently started to gain more traction. I think most people would love to just peacefully exist in their own circles but I don’t see this problem between dynamics disappearing anytime soon.

Like I said with the above Anon, I've added paragraph breaks for ND readers.

What a mess.

I have absolutely nothing useful to say here about the fandom on AO3 and how it's managed by community members, but I do think it's unfortunate that people choose to be war-like rather than make space for diverse voices, and I think it's a real shame that some people have been essentially run out of the fandom because of this garbage.

Thanks for giving some context for how/why the major shift in tone of fan fic lately. I had no idea any of this was going on.

I urge people to work hard to give space for all voices and perspectives, and not just the ones they favor. I'd also urge people to reflect on how their thoughts, behavior and actions in the fandom might affect queer people in the fandom.

As always, we have no control over what other people do, say or think. All we have any control over is how we respond to what other people do, say or think. Hopefully we'll chose the path of peace and try to avoid fan wars or fights that only ruin the experience for everyone.

I guess one thing I'd ask any of the Anons who have written me about this issue - or anyone who has thoughts about it - is, what can we as readers/fans who care about diversity of voices and perspectives do to support that here and on AO3, without getting involved in any kind of war?