#ill probably delete this in the morning but

[motherforthefamicom]

witty caption

[a-queer-sub-baby-2]

If I hadn't already quit sex work, I would definitely have after this week.

CW after the cut for discussions of sex work, grooming, pedophilia, the current situation in the US (and worldwide because of fucking course).

I'm terrified to post this, and if anyone is an ass, I'm blocking you.

While my tumblr demographics have cis men as the minority, that isn't true of my Twitter and OF.

And while I currently wasn't making content for men, that isn't how it started.

I started posting nude/lewd content online almost 13 years ago. To make a very long and traumatizing story short, I was 12 when I was convinced to start doing Panties of the Day on Instagram. (I'll be honest, I was lying about my age at the time. but also, the 35+ year-old men I was interacting with should definitely have been able to tell the difference between a 12-year-old and a 19-year-old).

(To be clear, the predecessor to this blog was created when I was 19)

A 47-year-old man taught me how to masturbate while I took a bath when I was 12. I didn't enjoy it, and this started my habit of lying to old men (especially to those who made me call them Master), about my pleasure and what my body likes.

I'm not 100% sure that I don't just dissociate when I feel any pleasure with masturbation. I previously just assumed it to be overstimulation, but I just genuinely cannot function if I enjoy what I am doing. Everything has to be a performance, and my comfort and pleasure comes secondary.

I have been using my body for other people's pleasure for half my life, but no one has ever wanted to have sex with me BEFORE seeing me naked in a controlled manner.

I didn't take money for it until I was 18, and it was lucrative until I hit size 12-14, and then got even worse once Covid started. But I kept going because that's all I've known for over a decade.

I am sick of all of it. I am horrified by how this has destroyed any relationship I have with my body. I genuinely struggle to make friends with people who haven't made it clear that they want to fuck me. I struggle to feel valued in any way beyond the sexual pleasure I can bring someone. I'm sick of every nsfw interaction feeling like an obligation because it was a chance to make money.

I hate how vulnerable and scared subspace makes me. I'm always alone, and it's almost always for the benefit of someone who doesn't want or deserve my submission.

I have never talked about any of this because people would lose their minds if you even mentioned minors in kink/nsfw spaces, let alone being one of said minors.

I have so much experience with the concept of people owning my body, and with everything going on, I don't want to give anyone more ammunition. I don't even know what I want to say other than I am not putting more content out to the public after what's been happening.

My place of residence feels like it is racing Trump to strip my rights (health care, reproductive, transgender healthcare and legal rights), and I cannot fathom continuing to provide my body for free, regardless of who the majority of my followers are.

I know this post could ruin me. I know. But im so sick of being scared about everything.

[princekirijo]

World's most frustrating feeling: having multiple ideas and character designs but despite working on the thing for nearly 5 YEARS still being nowhere close to having a coherent plot 💀

[y-vna]

Ty for 400!

It may be 1:30am, but honestly, I just felt like I wanted to write this. Thank you for 400 followers!! That's crazy. I'm super thankful, and honestly, it means a lot to me! <3 super excited for more to come, I hope my moodboards rn are up to standards!

I'm not tagging anyone this time since I don't want to disturb everyone every time I write one of these. Just know all my mooties and idols r amazing, and I love them. You guys know who you are, ily 💕

Just a boring text post for this milestone post cuz I can't be bothered rn ahh

Teeny Itty bitty vent in tags since I can't get my life tghtr rn erm! Don't feel pressured to read it, idrc ig?? 😭😭

[echo-stimmingrose]

Soo I never ever post my art and on the small occasion that I have I have deleted it cause I hated how bad it was. I'm trying again, let's see how long I keep this up.

Here's a messy sketch of Juniper from Percy Jackson (aka Grovers girlfriend)

Disclaimer, I am having a really bad flare up with my chronic illness stuff so my hands are incredibly shakey which made doing this quite hard and painful.

[lonestarss]

god. tighnari pressing kisses and sucking bruises into cyno's skin, firm and caring hands holding cyno close and tight and warm against him. cyno grabbing at him and trembling a little bit, desperately pleading for him to keep going and going until teeth sink into his skin and tighnari can taste copper. until he has the formidable general mahamatra whining like a dog under him

[littleporksausage]

Remember how tumblr was full of tips and advice for texas snowstorms and uk and canada heatwaves

And even uk flooding

I remember

[atlasglobe]

ok listen. im sorry in advance for this rant, but ive noticed a really frustrating trend in the QSMP community which i just wanted to talk about a little? short disclaimer ik it's mostly just a very loud minority doing this, most people in this community are lovely and have no ill will.

I feel like the women in QSMPs stories are often used in fanon to further aid the male ccs stories? if that makes sense? My perspective is definetly biased because im a baghera viewer and i feel like she gets this to an EGREGIOUS degree. rather than being seen as a whole character with motivations, it feels a lot like people just wanna use her to further others character arcs (mainly bbh and forever). Despite having an entire arc revolving around discovering she came from the federation (which challenged all of her characters core beliefs and morals), all people seem to want her to do is go fix bbhs problems and go be besties w forever <3, like bro give her room to BREATHE.

Honestly it even happened in the most recent ordem paranormal stream, it felt like Lucie's death was just reduced to further character development for benito? Which just makes me a bit sad since baghera mentioned having bigger plans for her character.

i dunno. i dont have a huge point to this rant, i just find it so frustrating. ccs like baghera and jaiden have shown that they are more than capable of creating such incredible and compelling characters, but it feels like they hardly get the chance to explore those characters.

[strangegrapefruit]

feels like I'm having a mid-life crisis at 25

[echo-stimmingrose]

Ya know what, fuck it. Art dump. Some of these are bad and some are worse.

The last two are digital but the rest are traditional. That last one is unfinished and will remain that way for the remainder of time.

[miscellaneoussmp]

My Morning Crew Soul Eater au won the poll, but I'm feeling a bit unmotivated at the moment, I apologize. I'm gonna actually turn on my asks for once, so y'all can talk to me about it (or anything else, really).

[ajaxxx-x]

“Kyle Rayner is so soft. He would never hurt anybody”

Shut up. Yes he would. He’s so angry and he represses that anger by putting on a friendly smile and by keeping it all inside untile it’s too much and in the end he just explodes.

These panels are very dear to me because what they show is Kyle having one the hardest time in his life. He has met his father after years of researching for him, with him he also found out a new aspect of himself and his origins that he doesn’t have the time to explore, but before that he asked his girlfriend to marry him, taking the big step that he could never do either with Alex or Donna and she turned him down, he becomes some sort of willpower god and try to fix everything he thinks is wrong in the universe, which also includes giving Jen her powers back and repairing john’s spine making him walk again and also tracking down his father. Eventually he decides to use his powers to rebuilt OA and the guardians therefore giving them up. Eventually Terry gets beaten up almost to death by some homophobes and Kyle, who’s no longer ion, realises he can’t do nothing to help his friend, he helped everyone in the whole universe who needed it and if only he had kept his powers a little longer he could’ve healed Terry too.

He feels helpless so he does the only thing green lantern can do at that moment, catch the bad guys.

[boatemboys]

made of stardust

[just-spacetrash]

.

[massiveladycat]

when you used to be the smartest one in the classroom but you're slowly starting to fade away but now you and everyone else have increasingly higher expectations for you

[halogalopaghost]

I've felt really good the last few days (relative to how I normally feel). I had a megameltdown on Tuesday, I think, and felt better since then. It's made me question myself and wonder if my symptoms aren't caused by an illness but instead are stress or...something else? How is it that I cry for like an hour straight and then feel better?

Well, for one, my parents caught me in the act of exploding. So they've been very attentive to me and especially in helping make sure I eat in the last few days. Here's the other thing though.

I have been...SO STRESSED at not being enough. I can't help, can't write, can't sleep, can't drive siblings places (at this point in typing, my forearm is cramping and painful) can't wash dishes etc etc etc. And I kind of just gave up on Tuesday. Since then I have pretty much not done anything but feed myself, care for my dog, play Minecraft with my brother, and write. That's just literally all I've been doing. So maybe the reason I'm feeling better is that I gave myself permission to rest? I don't really know. It may also be the increase on my ssri.

Im scared of my symptoms being middle-ground. If it gets better enough to be tolerable, but not better enough to work effectively. I guess that's because I spent all of 2023 in that place and it was awful. Working and then doing nothing except sleep at home. Every day, too exhausted to function. Right now, not working, I'm at least happy enough to do things I love (when the brainfog lifts enough). I don't want to go back to pressing myself fruitlessly.

I guess I'll get another symptoms/illness check next week, because I'm driving a long distance (known trigger for pain) to go to a concert (known trigger for fatigue) SOOOOO we'll see lmao