#ill never stop having feelings about this show

[cc4librre]

god i had an experience like this when my aunty passed and i hadnt cried the whole of the funeral. everyone had been crying and i just couldn't. i was afraid i didn't care enough. we got back home after a long 2 hour drive. i went for a walk. we had a creek that ran through the neighbourhood - real shoddy, full of litter most of the time, but a creek nonetheless. i sat at it and breathed and listened to the water and the rattle of litter and then. just cried. cried n cried n cried. couldnt have bared to do it round my family, but round the water - i could breathe n feel n care n then, well, cry. and i continued to till the sun was setting. then a random stranger who had just been walkin past saw me n paused n asked if I was alright. I had said I was okay, when they asked - or maybe I just nodded. Obviously, it wouldn't have seemed like the truth to them, but at that moment, i think i realised i was gonna be okay.

and that has continued to stick with me throughout all of my life. I never got their name - barely remember their face, but I remember how they had stopped and asked. checked in, when they hadnt needed to. they didnt know me. i didnt know them. but they still asked. they still cared. they reached out.

its been around about 3-ish years since then I think. Im okay now. i hope they're okay. i know ill probably never get to pay back the favour, but i hope when they just need someone, someone will show them grace and reach out.

idk thinking about how sometimes you have to show up for people you aren't that close to, because sometimes you're just the person who's there. sometimes you invite a new friend to a party and end up having to sit with them through a panic attack. sometimes you run into an acquaintance on their worst day and they need to talk about what happened. sometimes someone is crying in a stairwell and you're the only one around to ask if they're okay. and none of this is "trauma dumping" or whatever the fuck it's just being there for people because you're the one in the room with them.

[ftmpuppyboy11037]

god im such a fucked up slut into too much shit im scared to tell my girlfriend cause i dont want her think im gross or too needy

i want her to tie me up and blindfold me while she trails her knife down my body. i want her to hurt me. i want my skin to be red from her hitting me. i want marks and bruises. i want hickeys. i want the imprint of her teeth on me. i want her to put a shock collar on me. i want her to take me out in public with a remote control vibrator stuffed in me. god last time we fucked she said couldnt fit herself all the way in my cunt and i asked her to stop cause it was too much and she did and thats good but now i want her to try to push even deeper. god id lose my fucking mind if she did. i cant even think straight its not fair. its so not fair and im not allowed to get myself off.

i wanna live together and i just be walking around in nothing but one of her shirts so she can use me whenever she needs. id let her. id let her do so many things. ive never really smoke or drank before but id let her get me high or drunk or crossfaded just to fuck me while im all hazy. id let her use my while i was asleep. waking up to her fucking me or waking up in the morning with her gone and cum dripping out of me and marks left on me and a soreness between my legs telling me id been used. id let her do all that cnc shit to me (heavy focus on that first "c" tho)

id let her take videos and pictures of me to sell them or to show me off or even just to keep for ourselves. id let her bring her friends over to watch me get fucked. hell id even let them fuck me too if thats what she wants. i think shes too possessive for that though ehe.

id let her leave me tied up with a vibrator pressed against me or shoved inside me so she can see how long ill last until i cant take cumming anymore. id let her try out different toys on me just to see which ones i react to the most. even painful ones or ones that would be too much for my stupid little cunt. god i want her to degrade me. i need her to tell me just how useless and depraved i am. how the only thing im good for is getting filled and toyed with and how even then im not very good at that.

so here we are. anonymous tumblr posting

but fuck im too scared to tell her. i already feel annoying and needy anytime i tell her about milder stuff and it makes me nervous

not because of anything shes done i just have mental issues 😣

[martiansodas-blog]

🎾 🤍💐✨🎀

standford!art who’s your best friend finds out no guy has ever hit your gspot before :(

“are you being serious?”

but it's so fuckin easy! he thinks

your cheeks get warm. you focus on the various hangnails you have instead of making eye contact.

“um...yeah.” you say quietly.

he immediately regrets having such a big reaction and scolds himself.

those rotten frat guys, they only care about one thing.

“hey, hey,” he touches your cheek and crouches a little so he's no longer towering over you. “i didn’t mean to embarrass you, sweetheart. it’s not your fault. they’re just inattentive."

“thanks.” you mutter with no expression in your voice.

he was too curious not to ask,

“have you ever found it by yourself?”

a laugh involuntary escaped.

“i’ve never tried.”

art fake pouts.

“you poor girl,” he coos, putting it on thick.

you scoff, but the heat in your cheeks only gets worse and you cant help but smile. he’s way too good at breaking your walls down, and he knew it

“i can show you, if you like.”

your body becomes unmoving.

"what?"

the most logical explanation you can think of is that he spoke a different language and it was lost in translation. because surely he wasn't offering what you think he was offering.

“what kind of friend would i be if i didn’t?”

he had that stupid smirk on his face.

“wait, you’re serious?? wha-”

he steps closer to you, close enough you can feel his body heat.

“we’ve always been closer than most friends, no?”

you shake your head.

“i mean, yeah, but that’s-“

his body goes stiff, eyebrows furrowed like that's the worst news you could've given him.

now he's the one shaking his head. his mostly blue eyes become fixed on the ground. he looked like a kicked puppy.

“that was a stupid idea. you're right. m'sorry. i don’t know why i brought it up."

he begins to walk off.

are you actually going to reject this offer from your insanely handsome best friend? half the girls at stanford would kill for this opportunity. and here it is, falling into your lap.

“wait!”

he wipes the smile off his face before turning around.

“yeah, uh… i’d like that.”

he breaks into a smile.

"really? i truly didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

there's still a frown gracing his features.

"you didn't! you didn't. i was just caught off guard. that's all."

"...okay" he smirks slightly.

"okay."

another awkward silence presents itself. what should you-

"come over to my dorm at 8 tonight. that is of course unless you want to do it at yours and risk your roommate catching a free peep show."

his sudden confidence caught you off guard. he's giving you whiplash at this point.

"uh, no. no. yours is great."

who the hell can afford a private dorm as a sophomore?

oh right. tennis champions...

before he goes, he kisses you on the cheek. the first of many that would occur that day. his lips are the perfect proportion for his face and they feel like being touched by a pink cloud.

3 hours later

''FUCK, art, please"

"aww, i know baby. no one can treat you like i can."

its relentless. the entire time. the top half of him babys you while the bottom half tries to leave an imprint.

you didn't know your back could arch this much.

"are you gonna cry from how good it is? poor girl."

and you do. saltwater flows down your cheek and he wipes it off and cradles your head, showing you some mercy.

"you can do it, babygirl. you can give me one more, cant you?"

you nod fervently. it wasn't even about orgasming (of which you've done twice) anymore it was about making him happy.

"yes," you pant "ill come for you, artie, shit hnnn."

once you started babbling you couldn't stop. he thought it was adorable, honestly. he's never made a girl dumb on his cock this quickly. you really needed it.

you're gonna be so fun to play with. he thought.

he pecked your cheek while coaxing you through it.

"atta girl, make my cock all creamy for me. you can do it."

you feel every muscle, no. every atom in your body relaxes. and where your bodies met was so warm and slick and art might slip if he's not careful.

"there you go" he whispered into your neck. "so beautiful. such a good girl, im so proud of you. knew you could do it."

you think he is peppering kisses across your face and chest but you cant will your eyes to open yet and every inch of your skin is tingling.

your semiconsciousness works to his advantage because he loves resting inside you. he could fall asleep just like this but you probably wouldn't like that.

he strokes your hair and stares at you while you recover. he wants to let you fall asleep right away but knows that's not wise.

"c'mon, angel," he says softly as he scoops you up. "lets get you cleaned up."

[botanicallyinclinednerd]

Watching the end of Black Sails and thinking, "This was all avoidable."

Rewatching the beginning of Black Sails and knowing, "It was always inevitable."

[magpiemirroring]

Glad to have finally run across this criticism.

Here's a meatier version of that quote: "You’ve always wanted to cure what you thought were weaknesses. Your leg. Your disease. But you were never broken, Viktor. There is beauty in imperfections."

I would love to know what the writing room reasoning behind this was, because it's such a swing and miss.

I feel like maybe the writers had two ideas they wanted to get across and combined them in a really clumsy way:

Jayce acknowledging how Viktor's struggles gave him some bad ideas about his self-worth in general and that played a part in the choices he made. (And perhaps how Jayce's own choices fed into that.)

People are imperfect in a lot of ways, but a lot of beauty comes out of those imperfections and so turning people into one weird hive mind made of "perfect" forms is getting rid a lot of good things.

I wish the pacing of the show and this scene had been different. Because I do think we needed a scene where Jayce says something that reaches out and acknowledges the very imperfect and real human feelings that led Viktor down this path to begin with.

Viktor's a mess with some real self-worth issues and I think in terms of character arcs and motivations, this scene really did need for Jayce to touch on Victor's own imperfect humanity. But rather than lines that read as "your terminal condition is beautiful, why are you trying to fix it?" we needed more of a "I never thought less of you for being sick/disabled. I admired your skills! I was too distracted by my own ambitions to understand what you were going through. I'm done with that now. I'm here. Let's fix this. Together." sort of beat.

Which. I will agree with OP is difficult to write in-character for Jayce to say quickly, while thinking on his feet as it were. He is not really a people skills person. But it has to be his words that stop Viktor. Not just because the show literally says so, lmao, but because even without all the weird arcane stuff, their arcs are bound together and more than anything, Viktor needs a friend to reach past everything he's done and what he's become and See Him and love him for who he is with all his flaws (not in a shippy way. like. not against rolling with ship feels here lmao but it needs to resonate even for folks that aren't looking at the scene thru shipping goggles in order for it to really land.)

But ultimately, yeah, this scene was sloppy in a way that was rather insulting to real world folks with debilitating chronic conditions or terminal illnesses. I can turn this scene around and around in my head and try to work out intent, or headcanon a Watsonian reason for why it works for the characters, but at the end of the day, what was written was not well written and I think folks are justified in being angry about it. I am, in a weird way, excited to find that other people are angry about it! It's not just me!

Heck, while I wanted to discuss it in a larger content, the "you were never broken" line annoys me all by itself. (this is a bit of a long aside! you may skip it if you like.) I don't have any major physical issues at this time but I had had some mental health issues, including a major case of autistic burnout that has left me feeling a bit broken. And it's not been helpful to me to be told that I'm not broken. It is a rare person who gets through life without being physically or mentally broken at some point. It happens to some people more easily and some people heal better than others. It is what it is. People generally mean well when they say "you're not broken." Sometimes they mean that you're still you. They view things that are broken as no longer having value but they still value you, so you must not be broken. But sometimes they just say that because it is easier to say that than to sit with the rough edges and they want to ignore your hurt because it's inconvenient to them to acknowledge what has changed. Some folks break and will always have visible mends. And some folks can't be mended or find mending is out of reach. Being broken means having to be careful of yourself and the choices you make and with the people that insist that you aren't broken it's always a gamble of how much they are willing to tolerate being careful of all your rough edges and delicate parts that need special handling, whether you're mending or not. So, for me, "you're not broken" feels like people are trying to ignore a crucial part of my experience and life. (This is just my take. If you are disabled or ill and don't finding embracing the idea of being broken to be a framework that works for you, that's fine! Also, to be clear, I do not view autism itself as something that makes me broken, but it does cause me to be prone to some breakage without accommodations.)

I am about to be critical of Arcane because this one bugs me.

The "you were never broken" speech is a fucking stupid thing to say to someone who was terminally ill.

Viktor seeing himself and other disabled people as broken is a problem and Salo's "who else could mend such a broken creature" as a reason for worshipping Viktor and Viktor's easy acceptance of that is creepy.

Still a fucking stupid thing to say.

Jayce saying it is fine, Jayce says many fucking stupid things.

The narrative frames it as helpful, important, and true, which is less fine.

DESPITE framing it this way it doesn't seem to help, which is not a problem, because it SHOULDN'T help but is weird.

Viktor doesn't even seem to be listening.

Did it need to be there at all? Could it just have been cut?

[lucabyte]

So does anybody else ever think about how Loop felt the need to demonstrate that the party's deaths wouldn't have any effect on the loops. I know I do but that's besides the point. Anyway I don't think Loop actually needs to bathe, they just like to feel included.

[ebonytails]

sorry my post is just to complain but guys i literally hate adobe after effects. i can not explain to you the mental torture and how LOW it has brought my mental health because I *need* to use it for my post production class because it's "industry standard". ADOBE After Effects has made me write off the entire film and video production industry as a turn off and I never want to do it ever again.

The amount of times this has crashed on me where I lost everything? 5+ hours of work? 8+ hours of work? It's my fault for not saving sometimes but I also have auto-save on. it didn't save anything so im just left with nothing.

You want a trip to burn out town really quick? Use adobe after effects in an academic setting where you have no choice but to use this program.

I have never in my life TOUCHED a program SO TERRIBLE that it made me never want to do anything about that form of art/media EVER AGAIN

[skitskatdacat63]

Boy King Seb :D

[yutamayo]

byeeee

[squirmydonnie]

I finally passed my permit test today!.

It took me 6 tries, including this one

But its good i finally got jt

[shalom-iamcominghome]

Honestly, my stance on antisemites is that I wish for them what they wish for jews. If you are willing to give up your sense of humanity as a trade-in for the hatred and destruction of your fellow human, it seems like a fair price to pay. I've gotten caught up in, generally, finding any way to treat antisemites better than they treat us/jews as a whole, but... they are the ones who traded in a piece of humanity for a selfish, ulterior motive.

[fagofgod]

kind of immensely weird to me how strongly and widely the consensus opinion of what butchness (and/or masculinity in general) is appears to just be. being buff? like. agh.

[melloneah]

ill answer ur asks soon my lovelies thank u sm for sending them in<3

another rant in tags im so sorry tw death again

[mcalhenwrites]

I'm not going to pretend it doesn't make me angry that I spend months and years trying to peddle my work to make ends meet, that I spend so much time mentioning my books and comms and everything, and people ignore that consisently... But the moment I finally break under the hopelessness - when it's obvious that it's fucking futile, that almost no one deems my work good enough to share with anyone else - suddenly they're concerned and scolding me. I'm working several jobs, bathing, generally keeping things clean, and I do this with several health problems including chronic pain. I found out that one of my cysts is growing and I may need to have it surgically removed. Which means potentially missing work to recover. Which means more money I lose. I spend so much time crawling out of the hole and it goes ignored, but the moment I just give up bc I don't have any strength left, suddenly that's my fault and I'm mentally sick. And that kind of makes me wish my entire situation upon people, and when they whine that it's hard, well fuck you, you thought I could ace it so surely you can, babe! I hate being angry about this, but it's just so exhausting to tell people who accuse me of not trying that I HAVE I HAVE SO FUCKING HARD AND YOU DID NOT PAY ATTENTION THEN Or you know you're attempting to gaslight me by claiming I didn't try despite that I obviously have worked my ass off trying, and that's so much fucking worse

[todayisafridaynight]

Dude ur cosplays are genuinely so good 😭. I don't think I could cosplay anyone from RGG because I look too fem for it, but you're killing it!

AW thanks fam that means a lot :']] tbh if you really want to cosplay a character, you should go for it! even if you dont plan to go anywhere or do anything crazy, even just putting on the outfits is pretty fun :]

[sensitivegoblin]

Vent