#ill keep working hard
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the love of a doll
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kicking my feet up in the air laying in bed like a schoolgirl thinking about the nonnie that said they think of my art and ocs.... 😭😭😭😭🫶🫶🫶🫶
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atla!au designs part 3 !! one of these things is uh. not like the others
first year trio gojo/choso/nanami
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#fanart#jjk fanart#jjk atla!au#geto suguru#yuta okkotsu#mahito#lmhs#atla!au: design#squints at mahito i think i might b trying a bit too hard fr preliminary designs.......#they keep getting progressively more detailed OOPS#atla!au: art#i feel like no one will complain tho so ! anywayyyyy#thank u hisuian zoroark fr ur weird hair n bad posture. stole that 2 put on this freak n gave him some soul orb hair ties#idk if his design adheres very faithfully to anything that can be considered atla canon....but i like it so much ok sue me#i would unironically like mahito more if he looked like this#let him lean more Monster.......pl..pls.......#dont dig too deep into that statement . anyway.#this whole page is full of chars i just Never draw but i dont have a least favourite here ???? all of them look rly good imo??#waterbender garb suits geto's design so well he gave me No trouble#yuuta on th other hand i was Concerned for on account of th aforementioned Orange on a very monochrome char in jjk canon#but i think i made it work? he looks great in th tattoos also??????#maybe th rumors r true and im good at what i do GHFGHGHL#(oh ya after mahito i didnt want to draw Another monster-spirit so i omitted rika but she exists. probably looks similar 2 canon also!)#(sighs ill deal w her later. priorities !!!!)
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2024 art summary! it sure has been a year
#ever makes art#i bsky tweeted a bit but it feels weird talking there still so ill do my usual rambling into tags here :)c#i burned out super bad in the middle of this year for months where it felt like i couldnt draw anything good no matter how hard i tried#and the harder i tried the worst it felt - to the degree that i legitimately thought i wasnt going to be able to draw anything again#which sounds SO dramatic i know i know. but feelings arent always rational!!! and so many others things were going wrong at the same time#so it was strange putting together this year's art summary and realizing Huh. i did still have paintings to put in every space#that fear/anxiety spiral seems even sillier and more meaningless now that i have distance and proof of how irrational it was...#...but in reflection i'd like to think of it as proof that even when you feel at your worse it's worth it to keep trying...!!#after the Black Hole of Nothing i've been working every day on never ending doujin and xv anthology and orv sketchzine and merch#i can't say that i feel my artistic skills have like. improved or anything... but the passion i feel for the stories i read and#the stories i want to tell is still there!! and the happiness from getting to put form to those feelings large or small is worth it too#anyway......... lotta words to say tho i haven't posted much anymore and socmed is imploding and the world is dark#thank you very much for staying with me another year. i am - as ever - always grateful
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meet cassian :]
close ups and more info under the cut!
gloomiest guy you’ll ever meet
pathetic loser
he’s an artist
comes from a rich family
he barely leaves his house, he stays inside a LOOOOOT
insane attachment issues
clingy and dependant yandere
he guilt trips a lot (isn’t really aware of it lmao) can be really manipulative without trying unfortunately
texts you constantly but if you don’t answer back in like 5 minutes he starts freaking out
sometimes he’s normal enough but if you take too long he WILL lose it
doesn't like it when you talk to other people, why can't you just talk to him? is he not good enough for you? what's so interesting about other people anyway?
he hates stairs (he's fallen down and up the stairs WAYYY too many times)
shy (lmao ok) and introverted (has a really hard time talking to people)
has a mascot! (his name is PopUp :] he made him for a school project and just ended up liking him a lot lol)
sopping wet cat
don’t be mean to him, he doesn’t like it, even as a joke
doesn’t get much social interaction cause he stays inside a lot
WAYYYY more comfortable texting, he’s like a totally different person when you’re texting him
spams a lot. like a lot
used to be a lot more outgoing and social
wishes you could be by his side 24/7
he’s sad a lot of the time
feels unloved, please shower him in love
really pessimistic when it comes to himself
he’s really passionate about art
you and art are the two things that make him extremely happy
if you thought nox was tired, meet cassian! he has an even worse sleeping schedule than nox
he’ll do ANYTHING to keep you by his side
so he can and will kidnap you! lol!
is also a stalker… great..!
has probably installed a camera somewhere in your room (um??)
you’re probably one of the only people that can convince him to leave his room
really loves shoujo manga, has fantasized about being the perfect male lead for you (he really wants a romance like that, only with you)
he's a huge romantic, he wants the two of you to have a happy life together
so please don’t leave him. please
takes a lot of walks at night, don’t worry he doesn’t spend ALL of his time inside (he wishes he could tho.)
he wants to have his happy ending with you <3
#num draws#cassian posting#<- hehe#yandere oc#male yandere#yandere male#oc art#yandere#original character#digital art#guys meet my sopping wet cat of an oc! i love him dearly!#also. i think i said this before but i put a lot of my own traits into my ocs#this fucker has the most of my traits. i wonder what that says about me#NONE OF THE YANDERE STUFF THO THATS ALL HIM!#i wanted to include more info but if i do ill just keep going and going and going and i dont think anyone is gonna read all that anyway </3#btw PopUp is a character that i made for a school project so yeah he's stealing him from me (and im ok w that. was supposed to happen lol)#i mean ive shown PopUp on the blog before just didn't tag it (bc i was just yapping and complaining about my project.)#this is my first time posting a full body (and like its the first one ive drawn in a while) pls be kind. im so scared to post this.#i worked really really hard on this so im excited to share this with you!#also this is my 1000th post. hell.#i still need to add him to the relationship chart n everything.#also i think ill do proper ref sheets for them bc. i cant just leave them as busts.#and ill rework rowan's too bc he deserves my love
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um. hehe (super duper influenced by wolfythewitch's miguel)
#atsv#spiderverse#miguel ohara#spiderman 2099#dude fr watching all these fanartists trying over and over to draw the perfect miguel is really inspiring.. ill keep trying too#usu i give up if i cant draw a chara that isnt “cute” IM TRYING SO HARD GUYS#work kicking my ass so bad. save me miguel#also im tryna draw more illus instead of doodles but it takes a long time.. please enjoy 50000 miguel fillers
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if it stops i'm having an unshakable nightmare
#my art#tf2#team fortress 2#tf2 scout#tf2 engineer#tf2 sniper#tw blood#tw gore#tw gun#it's tf2 you get the picture!#HELLOOOOO#been working on these all week#based on something i started writing in the early summer but that will neverrrr be finished i dont think. ugh.#posted this to the wrong account too LOL#havent drawn in forever but it feels awesome#my favourite part of all of these is probably that little three decker in the left corner of the second one#this is what happens to you when youre coping w uni and listening to underscores parquet courts and CCR nonstop#link is the playlist of songs i listened to nonstop while drawing these hoohooheehee#peep the backgrounds too!!#trying to be less stiff with digital art is so hard but ill keep working on it o7#also never drawn tf2 before give me time my friends!#is it obvious i didnt even bother to look at what a baseball bat looked like in the first one orz
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Some process gifs of my paintings this year!
#the art of a lemon wedge#art process#man#i love painting#moat of my focus on these this year have just been committing to loosening up#vary my strokes and just not over working a painting?#most of that just means trying to keep as much of that first painting pass#since its has the biggest strokes and most energy when i lay it down#and also#NO ZOOMING IN#AHHHH#all this is painted with my seeing the entire piece and just working from big to medium then small#which is good cause u can keep track of details and what youve missed but it also feels like a huge mess for so long#at times its hard to see where ur even going#my favorite piece i think might be my otacon one#i didnt include him in here just cause that piece is like....3 layers?#it very much feels like those how to books that are like. circle. now draw the entire owl#BUT thats literally how i figured it out#1. base 2. simple clean 3. fine line detail#i do eventually want to do a full recording but the thing is#i just dont want to ......#ahaha#but i do#its just the idea of constantly being watched you know?#despite me wanting to share it....#anyways#TO NEXT YEAR#wonder what ill make#:D
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Okay now where's the Seb teddy bear so I can make them kiss each other!?
+
#okay btw you can credit the last frame to suzuki#bcs she brought up the pig stuffed animal that seb kept as a good luck charm when he was karting#and suggested the same with fernando's bear :DDD#also feeling weirdly sappy abt the fact that theres pics of fernando in the ferrari garage w an almost identical pig like ??????#anyways please yes have this random vettonso comic 🥰🥰#im working on a bigger vettonso drawing rn so i made this quick in the meantime!#icl i saw the fernando teddy bear. and i made the eyebrow post and whatever#but there was also just this image in the back haunting me of him gifting one to seb#I AM DELUSIONAL!!!#its just so cute to imagine it as like 'heres a memento of me to keep you company' 🥺🥺🥺🥺#funny tho cause i had the same exact imagine for my ocs and i never drew a comic version for them yet drew this real quick#the power of vettonso takes hold of me sometimes.....#tfw you take a break from your vettonso painting youve been working on for a wk+ to go draw a vettonso comic#i have a problem.#ANYWAYS THIS IS SO CUTE WAAAHHHH#drew it as cope bcs in trying to restrain myself from buying the fernando teddy bear#if i cant have it ill make seb have it yknow 🤭🤭🤭#wah this reminded i should draw more little comics theyre not too hard tbh#f1#formula 1#sebastian vettel#fernando alonso#vettonso#catie.art
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we need to team up and beat him to death with hammers
#tag yap incoming#bananaart#bananamcsm#romeo mcsm#minecraft story mode romeo#mcsm romeo#minecraft story mode#this is just a quick doodle as i figure out his design in my hc lol#i deicded to give him a sweater because. tshirts are so fucking unnecessarily hard to draw for me???#like i CANNOT figur it out but wahterver i just wanted to post something goodbai guys#romeo the admin#what other tags shouldi clog#scratches head#evil british guy#i was so proud of this art that i even added my watermakr that can easily be covered up by a solid colour 💗😍#aanyways. THE MEOOO :3#i also tried to draw genderbend romo but it was NOT working out for me bruh#its tight... maybe some other day#keep rollin rollin rollin oh also once i figure out what to draw to accompany it ill post about a romeo hc i have thats been#floating around in my head for a while now its nothng groundbreaking but i thought it was funny#im not gonna say what it is because i love edging people have fun guys#my god theres a fly thats been in my room for like three hours now and ive been trying to catch it with my bare hands every time it flies#next to me i feel like walter fucking white in that one episode#lmao i like the bright airbrush that i put behind him. it makes him look like the archangel micheal or some shit okay i need to post this g#mcsm
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ngl I always find it wild to see Star Wars stuff that's like "if you think about it in terms of realistic statistics/science then..." about almost any aspect of it.
I mean, what about the Star Wars films gives the impression that this universe abides by realistic statistics, or realistic anything else? SW is broadly a fantasy epic projected onto an IMAX screen with a space background painted on it. Yeah, the planets and moons in the films almost always have improbably limited biomes and two major locations max, because narratively these locations are usually just fantasy city-states with space aesthetics.
Starships travel at the speed of plot and we simply jump past the amount of time that presumably is passing, and sort of imply the passage of that time through shifts in the character dynamics. But this passage of time cannot be analyzed with any kind of consistency because the only logic governing it is the pace of the story.
Just how long did it take the Empire to send a full contingent of forces to Dantooine, search the entire planet, find the Rebel base, and then report back to Tarkin between one scene and another? No one says and no one appears to care. How long did it take Han and Leia to reach Bespin and what exactly went on between them while Luke was, in the same time frame, going through a protracted training over multiple days at an absolute minimum? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
How do giant space worms survive inside asteroids that somehow have an Earth-approximate gravitational field and I guess an atmosphere? Shhhh don't think about it. The point of the sequence is not "how does the giant space worm subsist off this random asteroid and how does it breathe and how does gravity work in this context, seriously" but that the giant worm sequence is fucking sick.
There's probably some after the fact EU justification invented by people who had nothing to do with the original writing of the space worm (or perhaps there are several mutually incompatible explanations) and I am profoundly disinterested in them. Nothing could make this even slightly realistic and it was never intended to be. Star Wars sings space shanties at scientific/mathematical realism as it sails past on a completely different ship going in the exact opposite direction.
And I do mean "sails" because while astronomy might tell us that space is unfamiliar and wild on a level we as Earthbound lifeforms can barely comprehend, Star Wars understands that space is basically an ocean, yet with stars and cool but survivable planets in it, or sometimes it's air but combined with a super cool space background so you can have early 20th century aerial combat that would make no sense in actual space conditions and doesn't need to.
"If you consider relativity, then just running the Empire would be..." General relativity does not govern the galaxy far, far away. Space magic does. I'm not sure there are even time zones.
#hard to overstate the degree to which every attempt to explain#the empire keeping a tentacle monster in a trash compactor for their moon-sized roving death ray murder fortress#just seems incredibly ill-considered. drawing our attention to how weird and improbable all this stuff is does not help#and most people have no trouble accepting bizarre star wars stuff as just part of the 'wacky space fairy tale' logic#there's this really bizarre viral post about how the sw universe actually isn't a fantastic universe bc most inhabitants#would probably never possess or interact with the literal magic imbuing it—but that's missing the basic structural underpinnings#of the story#it doesn't matter how many people can use the force (in the original trilogy very few!) or believe in it or ever see it or anything#the fabric of the story and its setting are governed by fantastic rationales and elements that don't work in rationalistic terms#anghraine babbles#long post#sw fanwank#star wars#sweu critical
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posting wip so i have the motivation to finish it eventually...surely i dont give up....
monitoring feat vero
#drdt#not putting all the tags bc its jsut a wip#artlying#veronika voice: let me see inside you#animating so hard wtf....how do people do this#i messed up the end but i dont wanna fix it oouuughhhhg#i also skipped the beginning frames where she gets up idk#what do people use for animatation is flipaclip even good?? its all i have#constructive criticism is welcomed! i maybe might be too lazy to fix it for this but at the very least ill keep it in mind lol#i love monitoring sooo much mmmMMWAHH!#lately all i want to draw is vocaloid redraws with characters it is sooo fun yay#however so often they require things above my skill level so i suffer#we power through regardless!! we on that Art Grind#ill work on this after the semester ends hopefully i am soo close#“finals week or my final week” as they say
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me at 2am: oh boy time for bed!
me 5 seconds later thinking about how even if his ability to use his shield or heal was completely disabled Greed would still throw himself between danger and his people in a heartbeat because he Is the ultimate shield and nothing could ever change his core purpose and driving motivation being the burning need in his chest to protect everything that's his (everything is his):
#god works hard but writers trying to keep greed alive work harder#fma#greed fma#fma greed#greed the avaricious#I'm so mentally ill about this man
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visualising the man i have to become
#ace attorney#simon blackquill#my art#blood#i literally cannot keep working on this no more. my mind might start steaming and blow up. also why did i make it dark again i literally#hate painting the dark this blasted book marco mateu framed ink (recommendation it helped me alottttt with composition)#anyways simon ohhhhhhh hes kind of sweetums sugarplumb just a little bit why else would capcom make that aa perfume and give him a peachy#scent to represent his “pure and innocent heart”. cant for the life of me find that post again. but he is literally inoccent and pure#of heart. “quiet polite and good natured” shut your fuck why did they say this about him. me when im niceys and politesies and i have#to adopt this tough and intimidating persona PERRRRRRRRSONAAAA and act as this ruthless evil murderer to protect someone? to protect me?#prison is a hard hard place and theres no softness in there. this is me now. but its still there and im hiding myself away and ill take thi#with me until i die and no one will know the truth wow thats kind of transg- *executed by firing squad* who said that.
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lord its so dark in here the sahara desert of tsaritsa content you are like a shining oasis. your characterisation of her compels me & mihoyo would be hard pressed to top it imo.!! caaaaan i humbly request yr thoughts on her first meeting w a reader of any kind, or maybe even multiple kinds (sagau, sagau god au, isekai, etc) if you so desire...
it really is like a desert here. being the fan of a character we aren't getting until the last damn nation is driving me up a wall but i will persevere bc if nothing else i support morally bankrupt women in media. we r in a severe drought over here but i do my best. unfortunately nothing i say is ever coherent so pull out your translation notes its abt 2 be messy
also this got out of hand but thats bc first meetings w the tsaritsa are tricky to write + a LOT of her characterization lies in deeper exploration then just surface level yknow...NOT A DIG AT YOU this is just my excuse for rambling. gently pats the tsaritsa she can hold so much complexity i do not have the word count to delve into it completely :]
gonna talk cult au for a bit here though because that's 99% of my content. and honestly? she thrives in sub au's of the cult au like villain au + imposter au. it's basically made for her. i mean, early days, the imposter au had been going around for a little while but one of the first few ideas was the Fatui taking reader in so like. it kinda technically actually was. pretty sure cult au Tsaritsa popped up because of the imposter au. a lot of it's writers kinda left though which. man am i getting old or.
anyway.
there isn't much of a chance her first impression is all that positive. at best it's usually neutral, imo, but rarely if ever positive. specifically because i view the Tsaritsa as someone who isn't as fanatical as most of the acolytes typically are towards the creator. she's not exactly going to worship the ground you walk on unlike a certain geo lizard. which is partially why i think she thrives in the sub au's i mentioned.
imposter au, for example. she meets you at your lowest. there's no gaudy extravagance or pampering from the acolytes waiting for you because your own acolytes have turned on you. for all intents and purposes you aren't a "god" at all. which is why i don't think she meshes well with normal cult au reader. the Fatui are made up of outcasts, basically, and imposter au slots right in just perfectly. you're weak, at your lowest, when you meet the Fatui in the imposter au. and the Fatui can help you, too.
a mutual exchange, really. the Tsaritsa sees a tool she can use to one up the rest of the nations and especially Archons, and she has no qualms about you using her and the Fatui in turn. you both want something out of it, after all. whether you just want to be safe from the rest of the acolytes, or you want revenge, or whatever else..she'll give you the power to fulfill it, and she gains the strongest piece on the chessboard when all is said and done.
the best way i can describe the first meeting is "practical", i suppose. she sees an opportunity in you. the ultimate gamble. because if she "saves" you, and you dont trust anyone else because they tried to kill you, well..she holds all the cards, doesn't she?
but the Tsaritsa, imo, is just as capable of being just as fanatical towards you as anyone else. she just won't worship you as the creator. but as yourself? clawing your way back to your divine power and taking back what belongs to you? the Tsaritsa is, to me, a character who's character flourishes in long-term fics more because she changes a LOT between "just met reader" and after having been with reader for some time. she's practically apathetic at the beginning but a lot of her character, in my characterization, shines through LONG after the first meeting.
#asks#Anonymous#sagau#tsaritsa#like. am i explaining this coherently?? first meetings r GOOD and i could go on a tangent of like. first meetings w zl and make it work#but first meetings w the tsaritsa is like. you just cooked a 5 course meal. took one bite. called it a day.#so much of my characterization lies in the “after” of the first meeting#because her first meetings are generally the same. she's apathetic at best!! she does not gaf abt the creator in the SLIGHTEST#but show that you are more then the creator? that you do not cling to the title like a shield? that you do not rely on it?#youve got the worst person youve ever known ready to kill a man for you.#tsaritsa is very like. EXTREMELY hard to earn the trust of but when you do she will kill someone for you no hesitation no question#which is why she works SO WELL in villain au and imposter au!!!!!!!!!#esp if theres a fake “creator” calling you the imposter. she hates their ass and was .5 seconds from dethroning them anyway#you just made it 10x easier#also cant do just first meetings bc i am incapable of not shoving themes of love into every fic w her SORRY#tsaritsa going on a full multiple month long mental breakdown bc she is not in love with you but she would destroy everything for u..#(shes in denial)#tsaritsa and complex themes of love and what it means for the god of love to be incapable of feeling it + what it means when reader shows u#LIKE UGHHHHHH okay. i guess ill write another tsaritsa fic and put it in my vault#aka my drafts#i hold so many fics hostage there its crazy#this answered like 0 of ur questions sorry i see tsaritsa and black out and this happens#i just think first meetings dont let her character really come thru but my response got out of hand so uhhhhh everyone look away. please#putting tape over my mouth now so i shut up before this gets worse#basically tsaritsa gravitates more towards outcast reader rather then one who has already become accustomed to the adoration of the acolyte#does that make sense........#i havent slept in forever and im running on nothing but spite and dreams atp dont expect coherency when it comes 2 the tsaritsa from me#head in hands someone please stop me i keep rambling abt the tsaritsa it makes me go NUTS#lays down. explodes
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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