#ill go back to his happier stuff next i swear!!

[familiarquotation]

But you can never be ten years old again - or even truly feel like ten years old. Not for an hour, not for a minute.

Anthony Bourdain, A Cook's Tour

[rorywritesjunk]

I can’t tell where the journey will end But I know where to start

Prequel to my Kid Buggy fic, set about 11-ish years before that story.

Buggy meets you by chance when he needs his buttons sewn back onto his jacket. He’s young, up and coming, and he thinks everyone should cower before him wherever he goes, but all you do is smile at him.

Rating: PG-13ish just for some swearing. Warning: Buggy’s in his early 20s. I also gave him some anxiety and stuff because while he’s in love he doesn’t believe someone could love him back. He just has a lot of uncertainty with romance. Mawwiage happens. Alcohol is mentioned. Everyone’s having a good time. A/N: The epilogue! Enjoy. I am not done with these two in the sense I'll do more one-shots and the likes for them as well as AUs with Buggy's older sister and The Wives. Thank you to everyone who's been reading this! Enjoy!

Title comes from “Wake Me Up” by Avicii.

TAGLIST: @lostfirefly @ane5e @kingofthemfingpirates @the-angriest-angel @tiredemomama @valen-yamyam16 @i-reblog-fics-i-like @plethora-of-fickleness @uhnanix

Chapter 1 + Chapter 2 + Chapter 3 + Chapter 4 + Chapter 5 + Chapter 6 + Chapter 7 + Chapter 8 + Chapter 9 + Chapter 10 + Chapter 11 + Chapter 12 + Chapter 13 + Chapter 14 + Chapter 15 + Chapter 16 + Chapter 17 + Chapter 18 + Epilogue

Epilogue

The marriage was far from perfect.

Your first actual fight showed Buggy you were capable of not speaking to him for an entire week. It was regarding one of Mohji’s animals, a bear that fell ill and passed away. You had been upset for both the loss of the animal and Mohji; the boy loved that bear so much. All Buggy suggested was that you not… cry so much over it. That was it, suck it up and move on. It was just a bear.

He was on his knees begging for your forgiveness by the end of the week.

Then there was the time you accidentally cut up his favorite shirt. He had left it for days on the scrap fabric pile you collected in the bedroom and asked him many times if he was sure that shirt needed to be there. He had insisted it was, but a week after you cut it up into scraps to patch some of the crew’s clothes, Buggy asked about it. You both needed to work on more than verbal communication.

And a few years into the marriage, Buggy was feeling less like you were going to leave him for every person who talked to you that he was pretty relaxed - a little too relaxed because for your birthday he took you to a pub, got a little drunk, and made a comment about how hot the barmaid was. You weren’t mad, more amused by it, but when you reminded him the next day when he sobered up what he said, he was mortified.

You were leaving him for sure for that, he was certain of it.

On his birthday you disappeared for a day on an island you begged to be dropped off at. Buggy caved, wanting to do anything for you in hopes you would forget how he acted like an ass on your birthday again. Maybe you just needed a break from him, even if it was on his birthday. 

You came back after meeting up with Kuro and oh, oh the divorce was inevitable now. You had told him a few days after your birthday when he had a meltdown over how he acted and he begged for you to tell him if there was any man or pirate alive that you would have been with other than him and… that fucking cat pirate was the one you chose. Oh, he was handsome and he dressed so sharply, and you felt you had bragging rights over how well he dressed because he was your first true customer that you had repeated business with.

It was a dagger to Buggy’s heart, over and over and over again. 

“What’s got you so upset?” You asked when he stopped responding, slumped on the floor with an almost empty bottle of rum beside him. You moved the bottle and knelt beside him, touching his shoulder. “You feel okay, honey?”

“Are you leaving me for Kuro?” He whimpered, refusing to look at you because he just knew the answer. You’d be happier with a better dressed pirate than with Buggy. It was startling when you chuckled and kissed him on the cheek.

“No, no. I’m not leaving you for cat-boy.” You told him as you tried to coax him to look at you. “I was getting your birthday present, Buggy, to show you how much I love you.”

He sniffled, lifting his head to see you taking your shirt off. A look of confusion crossed his face as you turned yourself to show him your arm, revealing a tattoo of his jolly roger. 

“This isn’t your only present, y’know, I’m gonna make you a feast.” You said as he sat up quickly, trying to get a closer look, but the alcohol was hitting him and he slumped against you, looking up with large, watery eyes as you stroked his cheek gently. “I love you, Buggy, and I’m never leaving you.”

That… that helped. He felt better after that, though still had doubts.

~

The conversation about kids was… not what he anticipated. He thought you’d want kids right away, he saw how you were around children, how your eyes lit up at the family gatherings each year when you got to see all the kids(he loved the look of horror each year on your aunt’s face when the two of you showed up, she didn’t expect the marriage to last). He watched you pick up your cousin’s baby - he was two years younger than you and his wife just had their first kid. Your eyes lit up and Buggy watched your face soften with a smile he hadn’t seen before. 

He waited until you two were alone to ask. To his surprise you snorted at his question and gave him a kiss. “Not just no, but hell no.” 

“Wait, what?”

“Buggy, I like what we have now. Maybe someday we can have cute little kids but not right now.” You told him as you patted his cheeks gently. “And I don’t think we’re ready at all. Kids can be a discussion in a few years, okay?”

“Oh thank God.” Buggy sighed as he slumped against you, wrapping his arms around you and tightening them around you. “I can’t deal with that right now.”

You laughed softly and kissed him again, wrapping your arms around his neck as you leaned against him. “Neither can I, honey.” You smiled and looked up at him, pulling him down and bumping your forehead against his gently before kissing the tip of his nose. “I love you, Buggy. Thank you for talking to me about this.”

He blushed but didn’t look away as he hugged you. “Love you too, babe.”

~

It was a yearly thing for him to drink and reminisce about the good ol’ days as an apprentice on Roger’s crew. It was always the anniversary of his former captain’s execution. The first time you witnessed it he didn’t explain it to you, just grabbed bottles and bottles of alcohol to drink with the crew while you waited for an explanation on why this was happening. It wasn’t until you wrangled him to bed after he was strutting around the ship, saying he was still a great swimmer even though he was a Devil Fruit power. Before he could jump over the ship to demonstrate this, you grabbed him by the back of the pants and dragged him to the bedroom for him to sober up and explain. 

Buggy slumped on the bed, not bothering to take his shoes off so you helped him. He giggled, face lighting up as you helped get him comfortable for the night.

“I got the best wifey.” 

“And I have the best hubby.” You chuckled as you glanced up at him. “Can you tell me now what the drinking is for?”

“I drink to my captain!” Buggy told you excitedly, pumping his fist up to the air. “H-He was executed on this day eight years ago! I drink in his honor and to hi-his memory!”

“Oh.” 

You didn’t question him further, just made sure he was comfortable that night. The years going forward, you made sure he was safe, had a reasonable amount of alcohol, and put him to bed. He never talked about it the next day, either because he didn’t want to or didn’t remember, you weren’t sure but you figured if he wanted to talk he would. 

~

You were eleven years into this marriage. It… it was fine. It wasn’t too exciting, nor was it incredibly boring. It was just fine for you. Buggy let you take on certain roles on the ship, mostly just making sure everyone looked their best in their clothes so long as he was the best dressed. He trusted you weren’t leaving him any longer, which made it easier for you to slip out of bed in the morning to start breakfast for the two of you.

It was just right.

This morning was no different. He had his fill of alcohol the night before at the local pub with some of the crew, leaving you on the ship for a peaceful night. Buggy managed to stumble his drunken self back to the ship without falling into the water. He was sleeping off the alcohol, head under the covers as he laid curled up next to you. You woke up with him in your arms, but you managed to slip away from him. You were going to wait to start breakfast, wanting to run out to the shops first to pick up some goods before the crowds started.

Buggy stirred, peeking out from under the blankets with a grumpy expression as you got dressed. He lifted his head up just a bit before letting it fall back on the pillows. “What’re you doing?”

“Getting dressed.” You told him, keeping your voice soft as you pulled your shirt on. “I’m going to get some things. Any special requests?”

Buggy nodded, mumbling something under the blankets. You walked over and pulled them back just enough for him to mutter it to you, asking for some apples and peanut butter. He finished the last jar a week ago and had been wanting it. You rolled your eyes and kissed him on the forehead. You needed to buy two and hide them from him, apparently the last jar wasn’t hidden well enough.

“I’ll grab that for you. Anything else?”

“D’you hafta go?” He whined softly. “I want cuddles.”

“I’ll be back, honey.” You assured him as you made sure the blankets were keeping him covered. “I’ll have breakfast ready for you when you wake up, okay?”

“Promise?” 

“Promise I’ll have breakfast-”

“Promise you’ll be back?” He lifted his head again, pouting up at you. 

“Oh, of course I’ll be back.” You chuckled softly as you kissed his forehead. “I’ll be gone for a few hours, honey, but I’ll be back.” 

He frowned sleepily but nodded, settling back down under the blankets. You gave his shoulder a squeeze and tucked the blankets around him once more before you grabbed your wallet and headed out. It shouldn’t take too long to collect what you needed, but you were excited to be at this village. You hadn’t been there in over twenty years and you wondered if there had been any changes to it.

And you enjoyed walking around as you collected your goods, putting them in your bags and basket as you chatted with the vendors about what they were selling, how the weather had been lately, just little things that weren’t related to piracy. You loved your life but having a conversation that wasn’t about what Richie had eaten the night before to upset his stomach was nice. 

Your last stop was for peanut butter which you found in a little shop near the docks. It was a cute little place, selling all kinds of tasty ingredients and foods, but you only bought the peanut butter, knowing you could easily go broke buying all the fancy ingredients in the shop. Maybe if Buggy ever became incredibly rich and had lots of treasure you could think of something like that.

You bid farewell to the shopkeep as you stepped out of the shop, not watching where you were going. Something bumped into you, startling you, and when you turned to apologize, your voice caught in your throat. As far as you were aware, you were very sober so what was this you were seeing in front of you?

“Hey, watch it!” The kid in front of you snapped, glaring daggers up at you. His blue hair and bright red nose was very familiar to you.

Oh, oh no, what was going on?

[emmiewlw]

Ryker and Matt are an absolute fave of mine omg I love them!!! Those mood boards are so cool, if you have anymore I’d love to see them!!! How do you make them?? I’d also love to learn more about the characters backstories and relationships!!

ahhhhhh ty!!!!! i have a few character friendship/relationship moodboards (some of them were kinda hard to make bc the characters have opposite aesthetics aksjks)

first one's for aslan & sam (that one was easier to make bc they're both lowkey assholes™) and then aslan & theo!!

then katrina & aslan and sam & cal

matt & ryker and then just an earlier matt bc i realized my whole board for him revolved around fake dying and there's more to him than that sksjsks

and then to make them i use the collage setting in the app moldiv!!! i get majority of the pictures off of pinterest (i try to use 3 quotes and then 3 character related pictures and 3 just general aesthetic pictures) i use the filter rainyday in moldiv (and put the frame at 13 pts) and then my phone automatically has this thing called photo editor pro in my gallery app and i use the cartoon filter there at 75 to get the sort of graphic black look and then up both brightness and saturation to 10!!

and lmk which characters or character dynamics you wanna hear about and ill be happy to go into way too much detail!! :))

[greengrayeyeswrites]

shit-faced in love (chapter five)

Title: shit-faced in love

Pairing: Corpse Husband x OC (fem!youtuber!reader)

Word Count: 1,158

Warnings: Mental Health/Mental Illnesses are a big topic in this story. Mentions of depression, bpd and other mental illnesses. Angst, Fluff.

Note: This may be a Corpse x OC story but feel free to insert yourself into the main girls role. If Corpse ever announces that he doesn’t like fanfics about him, I’ll delete this.

Prologue — Chapter 1 — Chapter 2 — Chapter 3 — Chapter 4 — Chapter 5 — Chapter 6

Author’s Note: Hello guys! I am very, very sorry that I didn’t update this any sooner. I’ve had a lot of troubles with my mental health lately, especially my bpd acting up and making me feel so worthless I wanted to punch myself in the face with a chair... But I thought that I need to get my shit back together and post a new chapter. I am really sorry about the delay. All these likes I am getting on a story that I mainly write for myself is overwhelming... so a massive thank you!

Also HAPPY BIRTHDAY CORPSE!

— — —

Imogen ended up being MIA for two whole days. She didn’t update her Twitter after cancelling the stream and didn’t upload anything on her Instagram story and her feed. 

The day after her bad mood swing she stayed at home and Baylee came over. The two girls were spending the day on the couch watching silly old-school romcoms; Buddy sitting in between them in case Imogen needed him.

They were watching movie after movie, falling asleep in between and Imogen felt bad for Baylee. She apologized for being so unmotivated, boring and weird today but Baylee quickly shook her head and told her that it was okay. 

Imogen couldn’t believe how happy she was to have Baylee as her friend, but since she was shifting from black to white thinking and back to black, she couldn’t really feel the happiness she knew existed somewhere. 

All she felt was emptiness and sadness. The episode lasted four whole hours and Imogen fell asleep crying in the middle of it. 

On her final day in Houston, Imogen and Baylee decided to go shopping and Imogen wanted to spoil her best friend. She got her a new computer and a new phone—which Baylee couldn’t quite believe. But Imogen was persistent and wanted her to keep the things.

Imogen then rented a beautiful NCT green colored Jeep Wrangler; which the girls immediately tried out when they were driving to the Space Center Houston for their last day.

„You almost sounded like MrBeast, when you gave me the phone and Macbook“ Baylee chuckled, as the girls looked for a parking lot in front of the Space Center. „I mean I’m meeting him and the crew next week for the first time, so I have to practice“, Imogen grinned, feeling way happier then a few days back.

„D’you already know what you’re doing with them?“ Baylee asked, but Imogen shook her head, when her phone rang with a message notification.

„Would you mind?“ Imogen asked nodding towards her phone, that was peeking out of her totebag in front of Baylee’s feet. Buddy was lifting his head from the backseat, looking at his owner and her friend.

„You got a voice message from Corpse“ Baylee read the notification on the lock screen and Imogen gulped. „Would you mind playing it?“ The twenty-eight year old asked and Baylee nodded, unlocking Imogen’s phone and pressing play.

The first thing both girls could hear was shuffling in the background before Corpse’s deep voice rang in their ears. „Whaddup baby?“, he asked and a shiver went through Imogen’s body, while she maneuvered the car into a parking lot. 

Baylee slapped her hand over her mouth, staring at Imogen in shock. Hearing his go-to phrase so close to her ears and so intimate was kinda scary. Baylee felt like she was eavesdropping.

„How are you feeling?“ Corpse asked, „We were kinda worried when you didn’t respond to the group chat. I know I go MIA as well but you usually told us what was wrong. Rae was worried and I was as well. Please text us soon, so we don’t have to worry anymore.“ 

A quiet breath left his lips and Imogen looked over to Baylee, who was still covering her mouth. „I hope you finish your MrBeast stuff soon. I want to meet you real quick!“ Corpse finished the message and the phone screen turned black.

„Oh my god“ Baylee let out and stared at Imogen. „I felt so bad for listening, Mo!“ She cried out and Imogen gulped. „I feel so bad for not telling them what happened. I know how worried they get when I don't text!“ Imogen shook her head.

„Here, here!“ Baylee pressed the phone into Imogen’s hands. „Text them now! Tell them how you’re feeling and what you’re up to today!“ Baylee turned around to Buddy.

„Buddy, I can’t believe I heard Corpse speak like that! He was genuinely worried!“ Imogen watched her best friend and shook her head.

She had to be honest. Hearing Corpse’s voice like that made her heart jump a little bit. What was he doing with her? She didn’t even know what he looked like, yet he made her heart do weird dancy-dances. 

She knew Baylee was watching her, while she typed into her phone. She knew Baylee wanted to know what she wrote—and she would’ve told her, if she wouldn’t be so shy about it.

When the women came home this night, Baylee decided to crash over in Imogen’s AirBnB. They stayed up most of the night and talked about everything and nothing. They were talking about Baylee’s crush on her co-worker, that didn’t even notice her presence. They spoke about Imogen’s therapy and medication and how Buddy had helped her out of so many dark places already; and then, as the sun was about to rise again, they fell asleep.

— — —

They woke up to Buddy licking their faces, wagging with his tail only a few hours later. Baylee sat up and looked at Imogen, fighting her dog off her.

„You know what? I’m going to miss you.“ Imogen finally got Buddy off her and looked at Baylee. Tears filled her best friends eyes and Imogen looked at her. „Bay“, she whispered and crushed her best friend in a hug. „This week went by way too fast“ Baylee cried into Imogen’s shoulder. „I swear, before I go back to Ireland, I’ll take you on a vacy to Hawaii. So be prepared to take a few days off, once I’m done with my travel!“

Imogen started laughing and Baylee grinned. „Gotcha!“

After having a breakfast together, Baylee helped Imogen pack her stuff and load it into the Wrangler. Imogen was fastening Buddy in the backseat, when she closed the door behind her and hugged Baylee once more.

„Take care, Mo.“ Baylee said and squished Imogen’s cheeks. „I will.“ - „No, I’m serious. When you feel low or sad or empty , turn off the cameras and hold Buddy. Okay?“

Imogen smiled. „I will. Thank you, Bay.“ The girls hugged once more, Baylee clinging on to Imogen as if her life depends on it. „I just wish I could quit my retail job and follow you around, being your camera woman or something.“ Baylee sighed and Imogen looked at her.

Imogen’s brain buzzed. „Keep that in mind, Bay. Okay? I’d even pay you.“ Baylee looked at Imogen and the Irish lass grinned. „Whatever you say, big girl“ Baylee grinned and softly banged the side of the Wrangler.

„Go and take the NCTzen car through the states.“ Baylee grinned and stepped aside to her own car. Imogen grinned and climbed into the Wrangler.

„Good luck on these 1,270 miles!“ Balyee yelled, as Imogen turned on the engine. „Take breaks in between okay?“ Imogen nodded and started backing out of the driveway.

Baylee disappeared into the distance and a piece of Imogen’s heart broke, when she left Houston behind.  

to be continued...

Taglist: @wineandionysus​ @chanbaeol​ @rexit-mo

[naivesilver]

top 5 adaptations of the Fairy from Pinocchio? (or maybe top 5 best AND 5 worst?)

I spent so long staring at this and wondering if I even KNEW five good Fairies, but it turns out I do, albeit mostly for asinine reasons. Anyway AHFAKKJKFHAHJKJA thank you <3

Ask me my top 5 anything

Obviously under the cut because I couldn't resist and did BOTH

The salt AKA the worst of the worst first:

1) Piccolino No Bouken

Surprised? I suppose most would have expected me to put the Disney Fairy first, and I did, too, for a while, but as I was sitting in my car pondering this ranking I realized I was SEETHING with rage about this one, so I had to rearrange things a bit. This, guys, is where my Fairy hate begins - not the book, not the Mouse's interference. This woman.

I hate her. I hate her SO MUCH, for all that I love this adaptation more than most things in the world, and that the choices made about her characterization were a huge inspiration for me. Not only does she not send Pinocchio to school, instead teaching him on her own, she is the only one to actively keep Pinocchio from his father - indeed, she makes the choice for them, saying to Geppetto's face that it would be best for the boy to be taught something before he goes back home. Who the hell are you to make this call, uh? You have known him for a day at most! You left him hanging from a fucking tree all night! I wouldn't trust you with a bloody lapdog, nevermind a child!

Also she lets Pinocchio believe she's dead UNTIL THE VERY END. She turns into a bird while he cries at her tomb. Are we fucking serious now? Leave him alone.

(Yes, this is elementary school me howling for revenge. I've been mad about this longer than reason would let me. Sue me.)

2) Disney's Pinocchio

Bane of my existence. I don't know if anyone remembers that pic of me at the Pinocchio theme park I posted a while ago, but basically in that moment they were putting up a little show to tell children a little bit of the OG story, and they asked the audience if they knew what color the Fairy's hair was - a few said blonde, and I, being on stage next to her, distinctly heard her mutter "dammit, Disney". I've been living with that mantra since then.

Nobody asked you to make that puppet sentient, ma'am. He doesn't owe you shit. Aside from that, just like Jiminy Cricket, she ruined her character in a good two thirds of future adaptation. And while we're speaking of Jiminy, WHY did she think it would be a good idea to entrust a little boy to a slime ball such as him? He's too horny to have an ounce of sense. Conscience, my ass.

Basically...begone, asshole.

3) Pinocchio and the Emperor of the Night

This film is so horrible, the Fairy had no chance to be decent at all. A cheap copy of the Disney one, with the addendum that she turns MULTIPLE toys into living beings while holding them responsible for whatever they do after. Basically Victor Frankenstein, but make it a poorly dressed woman from a direct-to-TV movie that shouldn't have existed at all.

-100/10, at least you're pretty, but by God, SHUT UP.

4) Once Upon a Time

Honest to God if she doesn't keep her filthy hands off my faves she's gonna get a slap across the face so strong her Wish Realm self ought to feel it sting. I am not exaggerating.

Seven seasons in, she hasn't done ANYTHING useful that I can remember. She's not even good at her own fucking job! Not only that, she's traumatized and guilt-tripped a good chunk of the population of Storybrooke, including first and foremost my beloved son August. The Pavlovian reaction I had every time she appeared on screen can't be described in coherent words, only in eagle screeches.

She's wrong. On principle, she's wrong. Let's move on.

5) Luigi Comencini's Le Avventure di Pinocchio

Doesn't rank higher only because she's played by Gina Lollobrigida (my beloved). She's book accurate, which means she'd be annoying as fuck as it is, but what little they added only makes her worse.

She has the gall to tell Pinocchio she'd like to see him happier. Like, apart from the fact that the ghost of his father's deceased wife isn't exactly the most reassuring person to hear it from...Said father has been swallowed by a giant fish. You told that boy he's only going to see his father if he studies hard. You keep turning him into a puppet anytime he misbehaves. What did you expect, that he would do the Macarena every time he entered your house? I am honestly too shocked to say any more. What the fuck.

.

.

.

Okay, I've been enraged enough for a single night. Let's move onto brighter shores!

1) Enzo D'Alò's Pinocchio

Enzo D'Alò knows what the fuck is UP!!! The only one with the courage to let the Fairy be a weird little girl - not only for a short time, but up until the end of the movie! That takes guts! Balls of steel!

I've said before that this movie has nothing memorable to it, and it's true, but also...Pinocchio wanted a sister so bad, and the movie gave him one. And they even explained the plot hole of the medallion with Pinocchio's face in it! That's twice as good as the fact that they cut out the most awful parts of her story, which is already delightful.

Thank you, Mr D'Alò. You have my trust until the end of days.

2) The Adventures of Buratino

Speaking of weird girls, this one is officially balls to the walls enough to gain my respect. She's bothersome to Pinocchio, but she's bothersome to everyone and everything, so I'll let it pass. Her role is exclusively to appear out of nowhere and do batshit insane stuff for no good reason at all. A star.

Plus, other than having an handwashing obsession that I've felt very keenly in the past year and a half, she also has a boyfriend - her and Pierrot are the original girlboss and malewife, I'm not accepting any criticism on the matter.

(Fun fact: when I was a young kid I once dreamt that the Piccolino No Bouken Fairy was dating a big, buff and blonde farmhand. He wooed her by gifting Pinocchio a dog. Apparently I've always been very interested in Fairies getting a love life and staying the fuck away from my specialest little boy.)

3) Pinocchio miniseries

"Serena, but you said you were disappointed in this adaptation so many times!" True. But consider: I am also very, very queer, and Violante Placido being motherly and wearing wispy dresses stirred SOMETHING in 11yo me that I can't very well ignore.

In hindsight, she and the Cricket probably had something going on behind the scenes, which is a shame. Miss Fairy, I swear, you could do better than Luciana Littizzetto in an ill-fitting green suit. She's gonna break your heart and lose your puppet charge in a crowd of little idiots. Do me instead.

4) Pinocchio Vampire Slayer

This woman kills monsters - and she's damn good at it! Honestly, so badass, and such a good mother figure too, even in trying times. I don't want to spoil the comic much to those who haven't read it, but she and Cherry are the highlight of the first volume and I am very fond of them. A+.

5) Matteo Garrone's Pinocchio

This one's book accurate, too, but Garrone did something with her that almost burst in tears in a crowded theater. She's awful, and irritating, but she's...she's so human, too. I can't rage against a Fairy that's so impossibly human even during the smallest of scenes. It breaks me over and over again.

Look at her SMILING, for pity's sake, am I supposed to think there's some warmth in the dead lady? Fuck you, Matteo, what did you do to me? I am an honored Fairy hater. You're going to ruin my reputation if you keep this up.

[marauder-exe]

Nightmare- James potter x Reader

Request: Hi! Can you make a James imagine with the prompts 31 and 32? Thank you!

Prompts: 31.“Your safe here, I got you”

32. “Don't ask her out again, please.. your killing me every single time you ask that Word Count: 1.1k

A/N: italics mean the dream sequence

‘ As you rounded the corner, quiet as a mouse, only your breathing could be heard. You tried to look for anything, any sign he was still here, any chance he was still alive. This had to be a trick, James was just about to jump out with the rest of the marauders, and announce it was just a prank, it was all just a prank, but of course, that never happened. Then you saw him, possibly the worst sight you've ever seen, the best friend and the love of your life, practically lifeless on the floor. You didn't know what to do you, you froze. How could this happen, just yesterday the marauders where all hanging out together, safe and sound, now he was gone. Thats when it all came out, the screaming, the sobbing.

“JAMES!” You rushed over to him, holding him in your arms, screaming his name. “James please!” You cried. You heard a faint whisper of your name. You cried his name louder and louder.

“(Y/N)! Wake up!” You bolted upright, the sound of James’ morning voice bringing you back to earth, his arms on your shoulders. “Your safe here, I got you” His eyes filled with sorrow and worry.

You looked around to familiarise yourself with your surroundings. You where in the boys dorm room, on the spare bed you usually slept in between James and Sirius’ bed. James was, James was here, he was alive.

“Oh thank god!” You pulled him into a hug, potentially squeezing all the life out of him. Oh you’d never been happier to see that pretty face. At this point you had woke up the entire dorm it you didn't really care, you just continued clinging onto James like your life depended on it.

“Woah Sugar, save that till the boys are asleep” He chuckled. You let out a breathy laugh.

“You guys aren't doing it over there,  are you?” Just as he said that, two pillows hit Padfoot square in the face. “alright alright, you good though?” Sirius asked sincerely.

“Yeah, yeah ill be fine” You gave a weak smile.

“How ‘bout a Hogsmeade date, later today, to cheer you up?” He threw on his classic smirk, You just laughed and shook your head, missing the angry look James shot at Sirius.  You looked over at the clock, 4:45 on a Saturday morning. Great. You probably wouldn't be able to sleep again. James had already returned to his bed after giving you a warming smile, and the rest of the boys had probably gone back to bed. You just stared, stared at the ceiling, at the walls, thinking of what you'd do if James died. Hell, it was too painful to think about. You stared for what felt like hours but in reality, it was probably only 15 minutes.

You snapped out of your daze when you heard James’ voice. “What's on your mind?”. You turned to face his bed, he was already looking.

“Just, how I couldn't do this without you” The biggest smile crept onto his face.

“Come ‘ere”

“What.” This man I swear.

“Come over here, I cant sleep and I know you cant either, cuddling helps sleep.” He paused, “Probably” He gave a goofy grin, oh that smile had a way into your heart. You begrudgingly lifted your, oh so warm blanket, off of your legs, cold feet hitting the wood floor. You trudged over to James bed, he lifted the cover and smiled, you lay down next to him, shifting and getting comfortable. You tensed slightly as he put his arm around you but you soon lay into his warmth. So you lay like that, your heart beating a mile a minute, while being cuddled up with your best friend and the man you've loved for 4 years, and soon you drifted into a peaceful sleep, no more nightmares.

You awoke 6 hours later, sun filtering through the window, landing on James, making him look absolutely ethereal. Man you loved this boy, why couldn't he love you back? His eyes slowly opened and stared at you in adoration.

“Morning love” There was that goofy grin again. “what time is it?” Right you have to act like a functioning human being instead of staring at James all day. You grabbed the clock from his bedside table. “uhhh,, 11am, Wait! 11Am? Were late for breakfast” You both looked around and it seemed all the boys where gone and didn't bother to wake you up. Of course, why would they?

“uh, you can go back to your dorm and get ready if you'd like? Ill tell lily were you were” You tensed up at his mention of lily, you knew they where history, they where over with, but you still couldn't help the pang of jealousy every time he mentioned her.

“Yeah, ill-ill do that” You started to grab your stuff and leave.

“Are you okay? After last night?” You mumbled a quiet yes. “Ill always be here for you” He enveloped you in a hug, you just breathed him in, content. “right, you should get changed, you reeeeek” He thought he was absolutely hilarious, letting out a loud laugh. You just gave an exaggerated ‘hawr, hawr’.

“Bye, Bye, loser, make sure to save me a seat! And with that you left.

Down in the great hall James joined his friends, throwing glares at Sirius. the entire time. He didn't mean to come off as horrible to his best friend, but when he kept going after the woman he's loved for the last 3 years, it kinda stung.

“Where's (Y/N)?” The simple question from Sirius. was enough for jealousy to course through his veins

“What, planning more dates?” Remus chuckled.

“o’ course” He laughed.

The rest of the breakfast was spent in near uncomfortable silence, the rest of the marauders couldnt figure out why there was an air of uneasiness but James knew.

He turned to his best friend, eyes full of hope and sadness.” Pads, don't ask her out again, please… it kills me every single time you ask that.” Sirius could see the pain in his eyes, and instantly wanted to re assure him.

“Don't worry mate, just go get your girl, she's waiting” He chuckled and pointed towards the door with his fork, where you stood, dressed in a beautiful dress ready for Hogsmeade. James leapt up, kissed his best mate on the forehead and sped of down the hall towards you.

Remus, Sirius and Peter all stared on towards him, as he accioed some flowers, and placed one behind your ear, you just shook your head and responded with something they couldn't hear. They looked happy. Genuinely happy.

[new-tella-us]

Aight, so this is a very long Komahina Oneshot.

I'm gunna milk the freak out of the popular shiet!

Anyways couple of warnings before we start.

This oneshot is not happy. It contains:

Character Death

Swearing

Illness

Mentions and attempts of suicide

If any of this stuff upsets you then skip this chapter. I'll be making happier stuff in the future.

Bittersweet Ending

"Hey Komaeda! Wanna visit Hajime and Nekomaru with me?"

That was the first thing Nagito heard after leaving his house. Akane was at his door and seeming pretty anxious.

"Oh..uhh sure. I wanted to talk to Hajime, I guess I just never had the time,"

It was still strange to see Akane being nice to him. He always expected something bad to happen to him around her but, lately she's been pretty docile. Though, she still doesn't want to call him by his first name regardless of how many times Nagito has said that it's fine. Nagito quickly got ready and left his tiny cottage with the girl.

...

The walk was long. Nagito offend wondered why Nekomaru and Hajime were put so far away from the rest of the group. Some actually moved closer to them so they wouldn't have to take such a long walk but, not Nagito. He was just...too busy. His mind started to wander as he walked. Where did his story start? Maybe when he woke up.

When he first woke, he couldn't believe it. He was back in reality. A hand reaching out to him snapped his attention right back to reality. He sensed so much hope radiating from the person reaching out that he confused him with the Ultimate Hope, Izuru Kamukura and while, the person was the Ultimate Hope, it wasn't Izuru. Hajime Hinata was his name. His warm smile finally pulled Nagito out of the lull he was in. So he stood up, ready to take on a new world.

...

Two months had past, the fifteen students were able to move to the original Jabberwock Island and live there in peace. Of course, occasionally, the Future Foundation would ask for assistance from Hajime but, other than that, it was quite peaceful. So peaceful, in fact, that Makoto Naegi decided to slightly dampen the mood of the island by building a graveyard for all the student of Hope Peak that got killed in the Tragedy. Each set of areas were separated by class and for everyone that died, they would build a ginormous, well more like life size, statue of the person.

That ended up pissing a lot of people off for obvious reasons, since there was only one death from class 77. Chiaki Nanami, she would stand alone in a sea of statues that threatened to drown her in the meaningless names and monotonous stone gray.

Hajime also brought up a pretty good point.

"Makoto, this is our home. If you put every class, every Ultimate, all 78 of them here, our island would become a travelers island,"

"We'll make sure to moderate that but, this just the best area we can put these and respect our dead, plus this is probably going to be where we bury you guys and I would thing you would want to be near friends,"

No one had much of an argument. Hajime sighed and agreed to the plans on the condition that Makoto keeps visitors to a minimum and never does overnight stays. Makoto agreed and it was settled. They decided the graveyard would take up the entire fifth island to keep it as far away as possible. After all, the group didn't need a constant reminder that not everyone got out. Nagito didn't need a constant reminder that he got the last bit of her killed for his idiotic plan and now she'll never come back.

Never.

...

More months past and life was normal...well, their version of normal, at least. Through out these months, he and Hajime have gotten closer than ever. Hajime seems to be the only one who cares, Nagito likes it when they hangout...he always does this. He always gets attached despite it never ending well. He did it with his dog;the dog got ran over, his parents; they died in a plane freak accident, Chiaki...yeah... He knows he always gets attached to the ones who will die and yet, he still gets attached.

...

He caught something...Oh not Hajime, Nagito. Nagito got sick, really sick. He could barely move out of bed. People kept visiting him, Mikan kept checking up on him and Hajime, unlike with the Liar Disease, actually stayed. By the end of the week, the group had given him flowers that he couldn't take care of (Mahiru did so instead), and all sorts of candies that he didn't have the appetite for, even Hiyoko gave him her favorite brand of gummy bears. Throughout the few weeks, he fluctuated between good days and bad days.

On one of his good days, he was hanging out with Hajime. He insisted that they hang out somewhere other than the house. Hajime furiously declined saying that Nagito need to rest and, as per usual, he was right but Nagito just didn't want to sit in bed any longer.

"Fine, I'll just go somewhere by myself" Nagito said in a huff. Hajime's face changed from a "what the actual hell??" Look to a defeated one. Nagito knew Hajime would never leave Nagito alone while sick on this island so, Hajime agreed.

Nagito decided that they were going to the cemetery that finished it's construction very recently. Hajime didn't put up a fight and they both headed there. Once they arrived, they had to walk through class after class to find the class they were looking for. Nagito started to feel his "good" day going bad but, tried his best to keep a strong face. They finally made it to the class 77 area and there she stood, alone. Stone eyes staring down at her Nintendo DC. Nagito briefly wondered what game she would be playing to be so intensely staring down at the game without looking up before he remembered that this was a statue.

"So, why here of all places? Did you want to mourn Chiaki?" Hajime asked, blunt and to the point as always. So Nagito answered with all equally blunt question.

"When I die, do you think they'll put my statue next to hers?"

Hajime seemed caught off-guard, he didn't seemed to know what to say next.

"Umm, supposedly? It would probably be in death order. Y'know, like who dies first?"

"Exactly, when I die, which should be soon-" Nagito couldn't hold back the sickness anymore and doubled over coughing. This, of course, panicked Hajime as he tried to help as much as he could. When the coughing died down and Nagito could breathe again, he commented; "See? I told you tha-"

Hajime cut him off, "You're being delusional. You're not going to die, Nagito"

"You don't know that and I'm not getting healthier"

"It's a cold.."

Now, Nagito was the one to interrupt, "Colds don't last weeks Hajime"

"It's a fuckin' bug" Hajime cursed

"Now look who's being delusional, it's my sickness. It's finally coming to tak-"

"Enough with the with the fucking death talk! You're not gunna die Nagito!" His voice was louder but, he didn't sound as certain. "You're...not.." his voice was shaking, pleading for Nagito to stop. Of course Nagito had to take it so far. He always takes it too far and ends up in these kinds of situations.

"...Sorry"

"Let's...get you home, you're not feeling well"

...

Turns out, Hajime was right, it was just a cold but with his immunodeficiencies, it made it much harder to fight off. With the right medicine and another four days, Nagito started to improve. People were still cautious, now that every had seen how a common cold could affect him, they were more hesitant to let him do the common housework that he used to do on the regular. They all collectively decided thatNagito would take regular check ups to keep his health in check. He agreed to keep them all from panicking too much. Hajime insisted that Nagito does a blood test and a brain scan.

"Just in case of something serious.."

Why? Hajime should be the last person to say that. He is the only person that knows about Nagito's condition...was it to let everyone else know? He gave Nagito a look, a look that was hard to decipher. It almost seemed like Hajime knew something that Nagito didn't.

...

.........

....What?

This is....

That's impossible...

Maybe the tests were flawed? Maybe there was a mix up....

Nope, these are his results but, that's impossible.

These tests say he's anemic.

Just anemic. Not any of the other illnesses he was diagnosed with as a teen. Vitamin Deficiency Anemia. A chronic but usually treatable condition. The worst part? It matches up with how Nagito has been feeling since he got the disease. The pale skin, the weight loss, the inability to fight of the smallest of colds without weeks of treatment. It all lines up. This is...some really good luck. Life saving good luck...that means, the next surge of bad luck might be...Life ending. No..NO! Nagito refuses to lose anyone else and certainly not because of his luck!

...

"That's amazing, Nagito!" Hajime said.

Hajime was the only person Nagito could go to about this. He knew so much already, it made it easier to tell him more...and yet, now Nagito felt guilty. His relationship with Hajime got slightly strained with the graveyard talk and now Hajime has seemed to almost completely forget that. He even seems happy, genuinely happy. Did Nagito really want to ruin that? ...He had to.

"Uhm, yeah but, this surge of good luck is sure to come with harsh repercussion," Nagito said nervously.

Silence...

"Nagito...please, just this once. Can you just be happy when something good happens to you?" Hajime's voice was a mixture of annoyed and worried.

"Not when this could kill someone. Sorry," Nagito might have to reconsider if telling Hajime things is a good idea anymore...

"...Okay, how about this? If we tell everyone to watch out for something bad and keep on their toes, will you at least try to enjoy yourself?"

That didn't feel good enough but, there wasn't much Nagito could do. "Fine"

...

A couple weeks had passed by. Nagito became more and more restless with everyday that nothing happened. Recently, the Future Foundation called some of them to a small mission on the main land. To gather intel on a rebel group that still stands by the complete extermination of Ultimates. Nekomaru, Nagito, Hajime, Mikan and surprisingly Hiyoko were tasked with this. Throughout that time, Nagito tried his best to trigger his bad luck. Walking through the most dangerous parts of town everyday to see if something would happen...Nothing did. He tried everything to cause any form of bad luck to ease his mind, from dangerously unstable platforms to rebel infested areas. Nothing happened. Nothing but Nagito constantly worrying his group.

"Nagito, you can just come with us. You know that right?" Hajime mentioned, worrying flashing in his heterochromatic eyes. Nagito liked to stare into them but, now is not the time.

"Oh, I would never dream of disturbing the presence of you with mine."

Hajime started to look pissed off.

"Listen Nagito, is you are still worried about your bad luck...I understand but, you can't force it to activate. Just let the inevitable happen."

Okay, now Nagito's pissed off. Let the inevitable happen? Does Hajime not care that the 'inevitable' could be death?

"You're acting too casual about all of this. This is something big and you're acting like it's nothing. Do you not care? Not care that someone on our island could die? After all we've been through?"

"Of course I care but, what am I supposed to do? Let you get yourself killed? If you have forgotten, you are also someone on our island. I can't just allow you to die! I have to at least try to save everyone as I always have!"

"....I'm not that important, I caused a good portion of this. It's not like anyone would truly care too much if I was gone. It's fine to let a nobody like me die," Nagito said. Did he mean it? Maybe but, he didn't want to be the cause of anymore pain or death...

Hajime was steaming, he looked like he might actually hit something in anger but instead, he grabbed Nagito's shoulders and pushed him up against a wall. Now, Nagito couldn't ignore him. Couldn't try to push his concerns aside.

"I care dammit! Can't you see that?"

Nagito's heart raced. His face was so close to Hajime's. He felt like something bad was bound to happen with them so close. A part of him, really wanted to just lean in and kiss Hajime while he had the chance. The part that wanted to possible keep some form of a friendship with Hajime, however, knew not to.

"If I didn't, I wouldn't have spent days getting you out of that coma. If none of us cared, we wouldn't have spent time, energy and money to help you get better and to give you gifts while you were ill. We all care about you. So please...don't...don't leave me like Chiaki did.." Hajime plead, desperately. He seemed near tears, tightening his grip on Nagito. It's rare to ever see Hajime so scared. It hurt Nagito, since he couldn't honestly promise that. At that moment, he truly did wished he stayed in that coma or..no..further than that, he just wished he was never lucky to begin with. His luck caused so many people pain, include the man that's now pleading for Nagito to live in front of him. Despite Hajime's pleading, Nagito knew what he had to do to make this awful cycle stop.

"I...I promise," Nagito lied, "I'm sorry"

Hajime's grip loosened then he hugged Nagito.

"Thank you..." Hajime's voice was shaky but, genuine. Nagito couldn't say anything to that.

...

It's time. Nagito made sure to spend time with everyone he could. It was the end of the investigation and nearly time for everyone to go home...Nagito wasn't going to make it home. On one of his investigations, he found a very tall skyscraper. The tallest one with the exception of Hope's Peak. He wasn't going to jump from there, not when Makoto is trying his hardest to repair the place.

He stood on the roof of this broken building. The railings that once stood there, probably to prevent what Nagito was about to do, rusted and withered away. He stood at the edge, looking on at the city that he helped destroy.

He was about to step off when he heard someone.

"Nagito?"

Of course, of all people, it had to be him. Nagito turned around to see none other than Hajime standing at the doorway next to Nagito's shoes that he removed to confirm that this wasn't a murder. Nagito turned back to the city. He felt no reason to hide it anymore and repeated a question he asked a long time ago.

"Do you think, when I die, they'll put my statue near her's?"

Hajime answered the same too.

"That depends on who dies first in the group. They'll probably organize it in death order..."

Nagito said nothing. He knew that if that's the case then, he would be right next to her.

"You really aren't going to turn back, are you? You are that afraid of your talent that this is what you think you have to choose?"

Still nothing.

"Can you at least give me an answer?"

Nagito couldn't. He was so focused at looking on at the city, he didn't realize that Hajime had made it next him.

"Just turn back, go on without me," Nagito turned to Hajime and smiled, "You'll forget me eventually,"

Hajime said nothing but eventually turned away and started walking back. Nagito was a little surprised but was also glad that Hajime understood. He went back to looking at the city.

"If I can't convince you. I guess..." Nagito heard Hajime walking back and felt his hug. Nagito turned to face Hajime and maybe question something, before he could say anything, Hajime continued,

"I can at least make sure you don't die alone."

Hajime pushed himself forward off the edge, taking Nagito with him.

Now, they were falling. Falling fast. It didn't feel fast though. It felt like the world slowed down, everything was noisy but, silent. Nagito couldn't believe it. It was really happening. That's when Nagito started to question the things he should have thought about before choosing this way of ending it. What if he didn't die on impact? Would it hurt? Would it burn? Would he just feel numb? How long can you even last after a fall like that? But, those questions are useless to ask now...

He wanted to tell Hajime how he felt. He knew he was going to die so, it wouldn't matter. He might as well. Plus, Hajime would probably not hear him over the pressure threatening to burst their eardrums in its might.

He screamed to the top of his lungs the words he wanted to say since the Neo World Program.

"I Love You, Hajime!"

He didn't expect much. He didn't any response. So he certainly didn't expect what was said next.

"I Love You Too!"

Hajime...loved him? He didn't expect that at all. This, somehow, made Nagito feel better and worse at the same time. He hugged Hajime tighter, they should be close to the ground soon so, Nagito can die without much regret.

"And I told you," Hajime continued, "I'm going to try and save everyone. Including you."

Immediately after that, Nagito felt shift in positions. Now, it was Hajime under Nagito. Nagito realized what Hajime was going to do. He was going to take to brunt of the landing on the chance that Nagito would live. If Nagito was lucky, he could live.

And, of course,

Nagito was lucky.

...

"We're here! Finally!" Akane's voice snapped Nagito back into reality.

"Y-yeah, that walk took a-a lot out of me..." Mikan followed. Wait, when did Mikan get here? She must have joined their walk while Nagito was spaced out.

"A-are you o-okay Nagito-san? You s-seem spaced out.."

Oh right, he probably seems very out of it on their walk, he should say something.

"Yes, I'm okay, I was just...thinking."

He looked up at the cemetery entrance and prepared himself when he entered.

75...76...77. Class 77...

All the way to the left is Chiaki Nanami, the first to go. She was the hope of Class 77 and thus Junko Enoshima, the Ultimate Despair, had her executed. She was a kind girl that did her best to help and protect everyone she could. She will always be remembered. Her plaque says:

"I'm going to get out with all of my friends"

To the right is Nekomaru Nidai. He was a victim of trial four. But he made it out of that world alive. How did he die then? He, unfortunately, had a life-threatening illness and ,unlike Nagito; it wasn't a misdiagnosis. His illness took his life about three weeks ago. His plaque says:

"Keep fighting, the only way to success is to try"

And in the middle, despite the fact that he was not a part of class 77, everyone insisted that he'd be put there. He was family to them all.

Hajime Hinata.

He was the person who saved the class multiple times and never gave up hope. He fought for everyone and, in the end, he died to keep his message. His plaque says.

"I'm going to save everyone, that includes you"

Nagito looks at Akane who was standing there crying but silent. Akane has always had trouble expressing negative emotions so this is a start.

He then looks at Mikan, who was on her knees sobbing at Chiaki's grave. She wholeheartedly blames herself for Chiaki's death, we're trying to convince her that it's not her fault. Maybe one day they can convince her. Then he looks at Hajime. He just stares. It, at first seemed like appropriate weather for this occasion. Rain. Until Nagito realized that sky, though dark, is clear. He wiped his eyes to find that the 'rain' was really tears. He was crying and yet, he wasn't broken. He was sad but, felt weirdly happy.

"Inevitable, huh? At least, I'm glad I got to know you before the inevitable." Nagito said, out loud. "This is such a bittersweet ending."

Allll right! This is finally done. I am literally about to cry. This is the saddest thing I've ever written. 😭 The next chapter is gunna be a lot happier.

Thanks for reading.

[strangetownsayit]

ok so um.......... .. . . ..

 i had a really bad time, went crazy and deleted all my maurice fics. Yes I have them in my notes and if someone wants them, I can send them to them, but still. i no longer feel confident about You Don’t Own Me and To a Happier Year.

but i feel bad and guilty bc then i remembered someone who left a very nice comment in my fic. maybe ill rewrite everything and publish it again, but not today and certainly not tomorrow. so ill explain my outline for the two fanfics cus i already had a ending in mind

before anything-- do i plan to write more maurice fanfic? the answer is yes. i hyperfixate very hard on maurice so ill never stop, but ill try not to make it public till i trust my bilingual capacities

 so, You Don’t Own Me

Percival Darsey is a young man who spend time in Penderleigh’s after having an encounter with Anne in the village next to Penge. He becomes Clive’s pupil bc of Anne’s desire, and so Percival bounces between them (wanting clive’s attention, then wanting anne’s)

Clive doesn’t really care about Percy’s attraction to Anne, bc he was sure it was silly love-at-first sight stuff. It was supposed to be explained later that Percy was really naive when it came to love. I actually had some dialogue written in my phone’s notes app to show how percy views were when it came to love and how easy it was for him to fall in love:

“I can’t do nothing but leave it to take me, Mr. Durham”, said Percy gently, with his back resting against the black slate of the roof; the light rays of sun --whose bright, blinding face was hiding behind clouds-- were worth coming the next day. “When someone smiles back at me, when someone touches my shoulder to get me out of the way, when they wish me a good day; I fall in love too easily, with many people. Approximately five times a day.”

“Many people?”, Clive laughed. “You mean, many women.”

Percival contemplated the sky a while.

“No,” he finally said, “many people.”

 Percival was supposed to be Clive’s opposite: excited about loving and be loved in return, excited to be discovered and being so happy with himself, he can barely hide it.

But when Percival got infatuated with a man, an acquaintance of Clive, Clive started to snap, to wander, to ask questions he could’ve never asked before. But Percival had nothing to hide anyways, and this would make Clive distant

Resume: with time Percival would’ve become closer and closer to anne’s circle, and thus he would’ve grown tired and exhausted. Bc Percival is autistic, and he has very little spoons (a metaphor about being autistic), meeting new people every day, being dragged to social compromises and being treated as some sort of servant that these rich ppl needed for entertainment, he would’ve suffered a meltdown and avoid Pendersleigh for a while

But bc Percy is not dumb, he would’ve returned bc he needs to eat, and bc of his neurodivergence he couldn’t keep jobs that were mostly aimed to neurotypicals. So when he came back, he decided to stay in Clive’s side. He found comfort in his cases cus all he needed to do was ignore Clive and sleep and little lol. And so this was supposed to be the first step to develop their relationship: Clive being interested in percy now that he has discover Percy likes men as well, Percival feeling drawn to Clive. They get to know each other and eventually, they fall in love.

But ofc everytime Clive perceives a hint of flirt, he panics and back off, bc hes an I—HSHFS- NOO- WAIT—LMAO DLFAOF—IM SO SHY--- gay, and Percy is a ;)) bisexual, so they keep flirting a good part of my outline.

But then BOOm I planned Mrs Hall to visit clive. And so clive wouldve remembered everything with Maurice, feel bad, and reject percival once for all. Percival cries a lot and anne thinks he is sick bc he has an uncontrollable sobbing, but then he escapes again

Clive has some awful months and Anne notices. She knows, but at the same time, she doesn’t: she knows Percy and Clive had a cute dynamic and relationship, she knows they loved each other, but she cant notice the homoerotism they had, and so she goes on looking for percival

I shpuld add that even tho I didn’t outlined this, there was a subplot exploring Anne’s bisexuality. I was working on how to do it when I deleted the fanfic

She finds Percival and discovers that he lied this whole time: his real name is Daniel Darcy, son of Mrs. Darcy, a middle-class woman who fell in disgrace after her husband escaped with his lover. It is revealed that Percival has many brothers and is the youngest of all, being 22. It is also revealed that he have been running away from home and coming back since he was twelve. His mother openly talks shit about Percy and it is hinted that Percy is a  Bastard, a product of a love affair.

There was a silly joke I had in my notes app:

“Many years ago, Mr. Darcy ran away from us, in the gay nineties”, he spat, struggling with laughing and bitterness. “Gay, my mother hates the word, just like she hates me and everything that is stunning.”

Then Anne wouldve told Percival about Clive but he wouldve stop her and ask her to go. But he wouldve return to penge a few weeks later cus he a dumbass who doesn’t value himself. Then he and clive wouldve kissed in the rain while he sees percy in the darkness of the night at penge’s garden, but then percy wouldve been like “lol bye” bc he just wanted to let clive know that he loved him too and that he would be back in the morning.

Fluffy ffluffy fluffy flufly

Then BOOM Maurice makes an appearance, telling clive everything about what happened with kitty, then asking for money lmao so he and alec can look for another place, and he tells clive that didn’t anywhere else to go. At fisrt Clive says no but then percy manages to persuade him into helping Maurice, who is surprised to see Clive with a man. Clive and Maurice have a nice chat, clive apologizes and cries and then the next day Clives calls Risley and cries too and say something like sorry I wasn’t there for you yoy didn’t deserved to go through that and it was so unfair, and then he -in  a very subtle way- apologizes to anne. And thus Clive is clean of guilt

But then Clive and Percival have a fight bc he wants to participate in Clive’s life but Clive refuses. Angsty angsty angsty. Percival reveals he was promised by his mother his part of the heritage if he married and became a proper gentleman. He tells clive he will accept his mother offer if clive keeps being ashamed of him

Clive wants to be with percival but he sees himself in another drama, so he does what is easier: letting Percival go.

But percival didn’t expected that shit to happen ?? as extra as he is, he thought clive wouldve comfort him and kiss him. .. .. . . .

Bc he doenst know anywhere else to go, and doesn’t want to get married and hates his mom and he would hate it if he became clive, he goes with Maurice and Alec CUS HE WANTS THEM TO BE HIS DADS ¿’¿’’93 me too bitch get in the line

So advices advices advices. Percival has a clearer mind and he runs his way up to penge

So kisses kisses kisses, he and Clive are in love nd stuff. JUMP TIME, Maurice and alec live in France and they are Percy’s and Clive’s neighbors. Anne is looking for adventures and kisses many women and many men. Everyone is happy YAY I can cope

TO A HAPPIER YEAR

Ok I am a little tired I want to sleep jdswiow io

So Clive’s durham first love. Fluffly fluffly fflufy

It cover events during the movie (clive being tired of bullshit after Christmas vacs).

Bc clive is an asshole, he ignores Quinn (his first love and stuff]) and quinn wants to know why he is being pushed aside and why is clive so distant. But then he discovers it and wish clive luck

JUMP TIME they are both in their 36 and clive is miserable during a trip in Italy. They both meet during said trip, reconnect romantically,  and HAPPY YEAR YES EVERYTHING IS HAPPIER THE YEARS HAPPY ENDING WHATEVer. I swear it is cuter Im just very sleepy now lol

[bazypitchandsimonsnow]

Missed Moments with You

Rating: M

Genre: Fluff/Angst

Word Count: 14353

Summary: Almost six months after Baz drunkenly stumbled back into Simon's life, they're still together and happy. Well, mostly. It'd be great if they had more time together, but work keeps getting in the way. Can their relationship survive their real lives?

Read on AO3

Sequel to “Back to Haunt Me”

AN: HAHAHAHAHA I DID IT BITCHES!!!! I FINALLY FINISHED A FIC AFTER MONTHS OF ILLNESS AND WRITER'S BLOCK!!!! Seriously, I could not do ANYTHING for so long. But I was finally able to do this! Big thanks to @carryonmylovelies for all her help and encouragement. She is the best.

Sadly, I couldn't get this to fit into any of my requests. I will try to get to those, I promise. My brain is just not functioning at full capacity and really hasn't for awhile. Hope you enjoy this one tho :)

Disclaimer: I am not a teacher or a psychiatrist. Most of my knowledge comes from being a student and a therapy/psychiatry patient, plus a little research online. This is not meant to be a super duper accurate representation of either. Dramatic License was taken.

———————————————

Simon

Even though it’s soft, I still hear the door close. It’s not like I have super ears. I’ve just been sleeping lightly, trying to stay up until Baz comes back. I hear him quietly take off his ugly shoes, walk towards the room, and open the door. I stay still as he flops down next to me and gets under the blanket. He lazily throws an arm over my side, long nose pressed against my neck. I love when he does this, wraps himself around me. Baz makes me feel so happy.

“Hey,” I say, barely a whisper. “How was the hospital?”

Baz’s groan reverberates down my skin. “Nearly punched a patient’s father in the face.”

“Sounds like the usual.”

“Mhm. Just another day and night at University College Hospital.” He tosses his leg over mine. Sometimes I swear he wants to bloody climb me. “You should be asleep, Snow, it’s late.”

“You’re up.”

“Because I’m a medical resident and my hours are completely insane. You’re allowed the luxury of a mostly normal sleep schedule, take advantage of it.”

I grab his hand over my stomach, weaving our fingers together. “I like waiting for you.”

“Mm.” He nuzzles closer and holds me tighter, then presses a soft kiss behind my ear. I’m in heaven. “Sap.”

“Always.” I kiss the back of his hand. “We should both sleep now, love.”

“Yeah,” he mumbles. “Night, love.”

I close my eyes, finally sinking into sleep as my wonderful, exhausted boyfriend holds me tight.

———————————————

I’m woken up by my alarm blaring shitty hair metal at top volume. Baz lets out a loud groan into my shoulder.

“Why do you play that rubbish?” he growls. “Why not some nice classical?”

“Because this rubbish wakes me up.” I reluctantly extract myself from Baz’s lovely arms. I hear him roll onto his stomach and spread out in a starfish on my bed. He loves cuddling with me, but he also likes to stretch out his long limbs. I grab my glasses, returning my ability to see properly, then turn around to look at him, and my mouth drops open.

“Baz!” I shout. “You climbed into my bed in your fucking scrubs again!?”

Baz lifts his head slightly and pulls at his light blue scrubs, eyebrows pulled together. “Hm, looks like I did.”

“They’re filthy!”

“No.” He flops back down, face smushed into my pillow. “I washed them yesterday. There’s just a bit of dried blood on my trouser leg. No sick or spinal fluid this time.”

I shake my head, but it’s with a smile. “I can’t believe my neat freak former roommate has developed such low standards of cleanliness.”

Baz makes an annoyed grunting sound before sinking further into my bed. I chuckle and press a kiss to his hairline. He’s already asleep again.

I grab my bathrobe and go into the kitchen, a smile on my face. It’s been five months since Basilton Pitch drunkenly wandered his way back into my life. I never imagined we would see each other again, let alone start dating. But it’s been pretty great. Baz is so much more than I thought he was. I already knew he was brilliant, but he’s also hilarious and kind and utterly amazing. I’m happier with him, and I think Baz is happier with me too.

The only problem is exactly what Baz warned me about when we started dating; he’s insanely busy. The hospital has him on a weird, inconsistent schedule. He’ll sometimes work for over twelve hours then collapse for an entire day afterwards. If that wasn’t hard enough, when this started, I didn’t factor in my own job. Very dumb, considering what I do. When I’m not teaching, I’m usually grading or writing lesson plans, so it’s not like I have a lot of free time either. We once went two and a half weeks without seeing each other. It was awful, but both of us understood. Still missed him though. I miss him a lot. In nearly six months, we’ve been on three proper dates. It’s not that I like fancy dinners and shit, I just like being with Baz. I wish we could be together more.

I stop to give Cherry her morning pet and wet food. She purrs under my hand. Then I make myself instant coffee, the ambrosia of primary teachers, and toaster waffles. I leave some for Baz to heat up later. He has pretty refined tastes, but no one can resist toaster waffles. He’ll probably be up to eat them around noon, when we’ll Skype chat while I have lunch at school. It’s my favourite part of the day. I want it to happen more often.

The phone ringing breaks me out of my lovesick melancholy. Penny’s grinning face stares back at me. I quickly pick it up. “Hey, Pen.”

“Hey Si,” she says, voice crackling slightly. “How’s it going?”

“It’s going alright. Just making myself some shit coffee and toaster waffles.”

“I’m a bit horrified your breakfast habits haven’t changed since uni.”

I scoff very self righteously. “Neither have yours. Last time I visited, you were stuffing your face with pop tarts.”

“You have no proof of that.” I can feel Penny’s glare from across the bloody Atlantic.

“No,” I chuckle. “I guess I don’t. Oh, I did almost get video proof of Baz wolfing down two Big Macs. He finished just after I got my phone out, it was amazing.”

“Ha! Get a video of it when it happens next time, then show me that and I’ll owe you a pint.”

“I’ll try next time we go out.” I slump a little in my chair.  “If we go out...”

Penny sighs in a particular way. It’s the one she uses when she knows I’m down and wants to bring me back up. “Baz still working those long shifts, huh?”

“Yeah, so he’s tired a lot. And our schedules have trouble syncing up. It really sucks and it’s not like either of us have a choice in it, especially him. But still it...it’s like- I just-”

“Part of you doesn’t give a shit about work, you just want to be together more.”

I sink further on the chair, so much so I fear I’m going to melt into the vinyl. “Kinda, yeah. Does that...does that make me a bad boyfriend and person?”

“No, no, absolutely not, Simon. It makes you a normal person who desires their partner.”

“Okay, yeah, sure, but Baz warned me about his job. He told me that he would have insane hours and it would make having a relationship really hard. I told him it was okay, that we would make it work, so I can’t get mad now, right?”

“You’re allowed to be upset that you don’t get to see your boyfriend as much as you wish you could.”

“I guess, yeah.” I shove half a toaster waffle in my mouth. It marginally helps. “I don’t know what to do, Pen. I can’t ask Baz to cut his hours, it’ll mess up his degree and piss off the doctors cause they’ll say he’s ‘not being dedicated’, which is a load of bollocks but it’ll happen. And it’s not like I can change when I work. There doesn’t seem to be a solution.”

Penny sighs. “I don’t know what to tell you, Si. There’s no easy way to deal with this. I think you just have to talk things out.” I groan heavily. “Yeah, I know, you hate talking. But can you think of anything else?”

“No,” I grumble. “Save for just shagging him senseless so we can both let off some nervous stress.”

“Sex doesn’t fix everything.”

“Well, no, but it would be nice to try it period.”

“You two still haven’t slept together?!” she says far too loudly. I hope Micah isn’t home. God, that would be embarrassing. “It’s been months!”

“I know,” I groan, “but we’ve both been busy and tired, especially Baz. Mostly we’ve just been snogging, which is awesome. Baz is a great kisser.”

“Too much information, Si.”

“Sorry, sorry. I like kissing, I’d just like to do...other stuff too.”

“Which is perfectly understandable, and the only way it’s going to ever happen is if you figure out where to go in your relationship. And that’s only going to happen by  talking about it and working something out that both of you can live with.”

I eat another toaster waffle. Again, helps a little, not enough. “That’s hard.”

“And necessary if you want to keep this relationship.” There’s a short pause and I try to speak before Penny interrupts me. “You definitely do want to keep it, right?”

My leg jerks so hard I nearly knock my coffee over. “Of course I do! Baz is kind and amazing and funny and brilliant and I fucking lo-”

We both go silent. I put a hand over my mouth. Holy shit, I can’t believe I almost said that. I haven’t even thought about it before, until now. (Typical, I don’t figure it out until I’m right in the middle of shit.) I mean, I’ve thought about it in a sort of abstract, future way. But not right now, not after only five months together when we spent seven years apart and an equal amount of time hating each other. Could I really be in love already?

“Shit, really?” Penny whispers. “You love him?”

I bite my nails, something I haven’t done since second year of uni. “Uh, I guess, maybe. I don’t know. It’s way too soon and I’m not exactly that experienced in love. I don’t think I can say for sure of anything...”

“Okay. What can you say for sure then?”

“Well,” I stop chewing on my nails, “I know I care about Baz. I enjoy being around him. And I really, really,  really  like him.”

“Is that okay with you?”

“Yeah, I can deal with that.”

“Good, stick with that, don’t jump too far. Figure out where you two stand before you start talking about love.”

“Yeah,” I sigh, “you’re right.”

“Of course I am.”

I scoff and roll my eyes, similar to Baz. I’m picking a lot up from him, “I know, I know.” My eyes catch the clock. “Oh shit, I’ve got to go right now. If I’m late my kids are going to destroy the classroom.”

Penny snorts. “The trials of a parent of thirty two children.”

“Exactly. Talk to you later, Pen, love you.”

“Love you too, Si, bye!”

The phone clicks off, leaving me hopelessly alone with my thoughts. So, I want to be around Baz more. That’s reasonable, he’s my boyfriend. But neither of us can be around more because of our beloved jobs. I’m going to have to find some solution. But not right now because I’m going to be very, very late. I rush out the door with only the thoughts of the tube schedule on my mind.

———————————————

“Lishie, no,” I say, taking the marker from her hand, “that’s a shared class writing utensil, you can’t chew on it.”

Lishie pouts at me, blinking her big brown eyes. “But Mr. Snow,” she whines.

“None of that, please. If you must chew on something, please use your own pencil.” I lean down to look at her drawing of a castle. “This is your favourite place, huh?”

“Yeah.” She points at her lovely pink palace. “This is my Lishie only place. It keeps my brother out and shoots lasers at bad guys.”

I nod with a big smile. “Both are very important. Nice work.” I turn to Zahir. His drawing is of a beautiful shoreline with a fiery sunset. “And what place is this?”

“It’s the view from my grandparent’s house,” he chirps.

“It looks lovely, Zahir, good job.”

I stand up and check the other kids. They’re all doing wonderfully. I help where needed, handing them markers and giving colour suggestions. Luckily the kiddos are being good today. I don’t think I can handle their particular brand of tornado like insanity right now.

“Mr. Snow, look what I did!” I lean down to Harrison’s level. His picture is of himself with his two Mums holding hands under an abundance of trees.

“It’s amazing, Harry,” I say. “Where are you three in this picture?”

“We’re at the camping ground where my Mums met. They got married at the lake last year. We go there every summer break.”

“Aw, that’s very sweet.”

“Are you married, Mr. Snow?” Rosanne calls out. I hate mean nicknames. They’re a dumb bullying tactic. At the same time though, “Nosey Rosie” is occasionally apt. Not that I’d ever say that out loud, of course.

“No, I’m not married, Rose,” I say calmly.

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

The kids start muttering and giggling. I sigh, shaking my head. “No, I don’t have a girlfriend either. But my love life is none of your business, munchkins.”

“A boyfriend?” Liza shouts. “My mum said you probably have a boyfriend.”

I sigh and rub my temple. Well, while her mother is correct, the beautiful and single Ms.Thorn has also made many advances on me. I suppose me being gay rationalises my kind rejections of her. I believe she needs to get over herself.

“No, I don’t have a boyfriend.” I hate lying to the kids, but I’m not going to talk about my relationship with them. “Again, my love life is personal.”

Thandi gasps, and leans over to Riya beside her. Her tone suggests a whisper, but her volume shows she absolutely means to be heard. “What if Mr. Snow has a  secret girlfriend or boyfriend?”

They all start chattering away with big grins on their faces. I sigh heavily. There is nothing ten year olds love more than gossiping, especially about their teachers. I’ve caught my munchkins talking about if the football coach and year 11 science teacher are together. (They aren’t. Both Coach Markova and Mr. Saadia have been married for over twenty years. Their husbands are wonderful friends.) I don’t want to become the next rumour on the playground.

“Okay, hush up all of you,” I say loudly. They all quiet down. “It’s not appropriate to discuss my personal life, so you’re going to stop right now, understand?”

“Yes, Mr. Snow,” they reply all at once in a shamed, slightly annoyed tone. It’s one I’m extremely familiar with.

“Good. Now go back to your drawings, or we’ll start the maths worksheets early.”

They all gasp, then go back to drawing. I hear whispers about normal things, like Power Rangers and Disney movies. I sigh and return to my desk, leaning back in the chair. Honestly, even if I did want to answer the kids, I wouldn’t be sure what to say. I do have a boyfriend officially, but I barely see him. Twice a week at best. It’s not his fault, he tries his best. I fuck up more than him honestly. I just wish we could be...more boyfriends? That doesn’t make sense.

My pocket buzzes and I pull out my phone. I’m not supposed to use it during class hours, but the kids are working right now, it’s fine. The text is from Baz. My pulse speeds up like it does every time. But when I open it, my heart drops instead.

Baz [13:40] Hey love. So sorry but I can’t come over tonight. Need to pick up an extra shift. I promise I’ll make it up to you ❤️

I sigh heavily, trying to suppress the disappointment and hurt. It’s not his fault, he’s doing his best. We’ll figure something out. Right?

Simon [13:41] it’s alright love we’ll find another time

Baz [13:41] ❤️

———————————————

“No, no, hold the rock like this.” Baz adjusts my grip. I love his fingers, long and elegant. If he wasn’t a doctor, I think he would make an incredible pianist.

“How does the way I hold the rock change anything?” I ask.

“It helps you get the right angle to skip it.”

I frown in confusion. “I thought the rock’s shape helped with that.”

“Both help. So,” he guides my arm back, “let’s try.”

Baz’s callused fingers caress my bare skin. I let out a shaky breath. God, I shouldn’t get this hot and bothered from Baz just touching me. I’m not some horndog, I can wait for sex. The pent up tension is just...getting to me a bit.

“Now flick it, Snow,” Baz says.

I fling the stone forward. It flies over the pond, sending ripples across the aquamarine water. The stone nearly reaches the other side before finally dropping. I’m grinning ear to ear. When I turn around, Baz is too.

“Wonderful job, love.” He presses a kiss to my temple. “I knew you could do it.”

God, I’m going to melt into a puddle. I peck his lips softly. “Thanks for showing me, love.”

He kisses me back, a bit firmer. I would snog the life out of him right now if we weren’t in the middle of Regent’s Park, apparently a popular relaxation spot for UCLH. We’re surrounded by nurses chatting, residents resting, and doctors smoking cigarettes. (Baz says doctors truly have the least regard for their own health.) We sadly pull apart and take a seat on a bench. I put my head on his strong shoulder, and he throws his arm around me.

“How were psych rounds today?” I ask.

“Awful,” he groans. “Mr. Teversham still refuses to take his medication, and Mx. Joseph is fighting therapy at every turn.”

“Hm, well, you expected this. Any ideas?”

“Mx. Joseph needs to be in therapy without  knowing they're in therapy. Mr. Teversham needs to be sedated so he can’t yell at me anymore.”

I snort. “Not sure that’s legal.”

“It’s not, but one can dream. Both probably need adjustments in their medications but that would affect serotonin levels too much at this delicate stage of treatment.”

“Mm, that sucks. Anything you could do for now?”

“More group therapy and coping techniques, I suppose. Little else we can do.”

I nod thoughtfully. Honestly, I have no idea what he’s talking about, but I try to be interested. It’s important to him so I do my best. 

He slowly strokes my hair. I lean closer to him. “How’s your work going, love?”

“It’s alright. Kids aren’t being too destructive. Oh, I’ve been working on something else though.”

Baz smiles, pulling me closer. “What’s that?”

“A new scone recipe.”

He lets out a joyous laugh, throwing his head back so far some of his gelled hair gets dislodged. I like the way a few raven strands fall in his face. “You seriously haven’t run out of new ones to try?”

I shrug. “Not yet. Maybe one day.”

“And then you’ll start making your own.”

“Probably.” I throw both arms around his torso, squeezing him tight. “I’ll give them to you to try.”

He chuckles softly. “Well, maybe. I have to stay in good shape to keep up with the other residents, and I can’t mess up what little sleep I have.”

I deflate slightly. Right, he’s gotta watch his health more than me. I should remember that. Bloody hell, I’m a terrible boyfriend. “R-Right. Well, I’ll make something else for you I guess...”

He makes a humming noise, but I can’t tell what it means. I’m horrible at non-verbal cues and unfortunately Baz is still no exception. I want to ask him about being around, about us being together, but the words get all tangled in my throat. I don’t know how to ask him without sounding like a selfish arse. 

(Maybe I am a selfish arse. Maybe I don’t deserve this, deserve him.)

(No no, Simon, stop it, stop with the self deprecation.)

(Even though he is better than me...)

I’m about to open my mouth when two clashing beeps ring out. Baz and I scramble to our phones.

“Fuck,” I groan. “Emergency staff meeting in twenty minutes. I’m gonna need to get a cab.”

“Me too,” Baz sighs. “Dr. Dehnavi wants to talk to me about a new inpatient. I suppose I should be flattered, but I’m more annoyed.”

“We’re both suffering it seems.”

“Apparently.” Baz leans over and pecks my lips. I lean forward, just slightly, asking for more that I can’t have right now. “I’ll text you later, love.”

“Yeah, me too.” We dash off in different directions. The questions I have still hang in my throat, but I put them down for now. Next time. Maybe...

———————————————

Thursday April 21

Baz [06:06] Hi, love. I’m finally done my night shift. We still on for the cafe this afternoon?

Simon [07:01] hey sorry I didn’t get this until now. unfortunately i’ve got some last minute extra tutoring to do with Sasha sorry 

Baz [07:02] It’s alright. You free Friday night?

Simon [07:02] nah got grading ☹️ gotta go to class ttyl!

Baz [07:02] Alright, talk to you later.

———————————————

Sunday April 30

Simon [17:37] hey baz can I come over tonight?

Baz [17:58] Unfortunately not. I’m on call for OBGYN all night. Lots of sitting with tiny sick babies in the NICU...

Simon [18:05] fuck that doesn’t sound fun at all ☹️

Baz [18:06] Absolutely is not. I’ll text you later okay?

Simon [18:06] Okay ❤️

———————————————

Wednesday May 8

Baz [22:24] I miss you

Simon [22:24] I miss you too

———————————————

My phone rings at lunch. Baz’s slightly smiling face looks right back at me. I took the photo one night when we were watching telly. He’s got his hair all piled up in a bun, wearing an LSE sweatshirt. He looks gorgeous, as always. I’m so entranced by the picture that I answer it just before the last ring.

“Hey,” I say. “What’s up?”

“Not much,” Baz replies, sounding extremely tired. (He’s been sounding like that more and more lately.) “How’s your day been?”

“Not too bad. Joey fired a spitball at me, but I took the straw away pretty quickly.“

“Dear Lord, you teach monsters.”

I chuckle, shaking my head. “Nope, just children, love. They’re naturally nightmares.”

“Don’t have to tell me, Snow, I have four younger siblings.” He sighs, and I can imagine him tilting his head back, hair falling down behind him. It’s a nice image. “Are you free next Friday?”

“Hm, let me check.” I look at my Google calendar, which is filled to the brim with multicoloured event tabs, everything from field trips to when lesson plans need to be done. (I consider the second one more a guideline than a rule.) Friday is surprisingly blank. A grin breaks out across my face. “Yeah, Friday is good. Got something in mind?”

“Well, I finally have a Friday off. So I was thinking we could dress up and go somewhere nice. Somewhere with fine food, candles, a generally romantic atmosphere. Does that sound good to you?”

I can’t help biting my bottom lip like some stupid teenager. I haven’t seen my boyfriend in person in nearly three weeks, sue me. Sure there’s been some texting and calls and Facetimes, but none of that compares to the real thing. I’ve missed how Baz’s long fingers feel between mine, or the way he cups my cheek perfectly when he kisses me. I just want to be with him. And finally we have a chance.

“That sounds very good. And uh...” I take a pause to muscle up courage to say what I really,  really  want to say. “Do you want to go to my place afterwards? And sleep over? But y’know...not sleep?” Baz snorts. My cheeks are probably bright red. I groan and rub my forehead. “Sorry, that sounded dumb. I’m an adult, I should be able to talk about sex openly.”

Baz sighs in his strangely affectionate way. “Well, we both know you’re not the best with words, Snow.”

I chuckle and shrug. “Okay, true. But the message still got across right? What I’m asking? But please don’t feel pressured, I just wanted to ask if we could try...”

“Yes, it definitely did. And I would love to try. I think six months is a long enough wait. And I’m really sorry about that.”

“Don’t blame yourself, love, we’ve both been pretty physically absent. Life has just been nuts for us.”

“Agreed. So it’ll be nice to...unwind a bit.”

My face is absolutely bright red now. A lot of inappropriate thoughts are racing through my head right now. I have to shove them down so my brain doesn’t start dribbling out my ears before I have to go back to teaching.

“I-I would like that a lot too.” And of course the first lunch bell decides to ring just then. I groan loudly. “Fuck, lunch is over. Kids will be back soon. Text you later to set up details?”

“Sounds good. Bye, darling.

“Bye, darling.”

I listen until Baz hangs up, then press my phone to my chest with a sigh. I feel so unbelievably giddy. It’s ridiculous, really, to be this excited about a dinner and (possible) sex. But for some reason, my chest is so full it's about to explode. I want to run around the room, shouting to the heavens that I’m going on a lovely, romantic date with Basilton Grimm-Pitch.

Fuck, maybe I really am love. That’s a terrifying, wonderful thought.

———————————————

“Does my hair look alright?” I tousle it to the left, then to the right, then to the left again. Penny sighs and shakes her head on my screen.

“It looks fine either way. But if you don’t decide soon, you’re going to be late!”

I groan and tighten my tie, trying to see myself in my tiny image in the corner. “I know, I know, I just want this to be perfect.”

“Nothing can be perfect, Si.”

“Yeah, but I can try.” I sigh, buttoning my grey suit jacket. This is the one nice suit I own, and I took great precautions to keep it from getting wrinkled on my way to work. “So much hasn’t gone right or easily in our relationship. I want one thing to not go down the drain.”

Penny nods thoughtfully. “Understandable. Just also be realistic.”

“Yes, I will.” I check my watch (a graduation gift from Penny that goes really well with my suit) and inhale sharply. “Shit, I really do have to go. Bye, Pen!”

She waves with a big, toothy smile. “Bye, Si, good luck!”

“Thank you!”

We press the red button at the same time. I tuck my phone into my jacket, then do a last cursory look at myself. No wrinkles? Check. Dashingly messy hair? Check. “Supplies” for later waiting in my bedside table at home? Absolutely check. Awesome. I’m so bloody excited I could seriously start flying right now.

“M-Mr. Snow?”

My head head whips around at the small, familiar voice. It’s Jeremy, with his wavy brown hair and little freckles. He’s sniffling, wiping his nose and blood shot eyes. I immediately rush forward and get on my knees in front of him.

“Jeremy? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

He makes a big sniff, more tears falling down his cheeks. “M-My dad was supposed to pick me up outside, but he never came! And Ms. Reinhart tried to call my mum and she’s not answering and I don’t know what to do!”

He breaks out into another sob. He wraps his little arms around my neck, crying into my shoulder. I pat his back, trying to comfort as best I can. Poor kid. I’m unfortunately aware of what Jeremy’s parents are like. This isn’t out of character for them. His dad’s probably off with his college age mistress and his mum is partying late with her friends. From what I know, Jeremy was an accidental teen pregnancy, and now his parents hate each other and resent Jeremy for “ruining” their young lives. (Baz would say something about emotional stunting and projecting and shit.) This is the first time they’ve truly abandoned him though. Poor, poor kid.

“Is there anyone you trust who could come get you?” I ask quietly.

“My aunt,” he sniffles. “But she’s super far away.”

“Okay, where does she live?”

“L-Luton, I think.”

Fuck, he’s not exaggerating. Luton is an hour away on a good day, and it’s the middle of London rush hour. His parents may be able get here before her, but she’s probably much more stable than both of them put together.

“Alright. Do you know her number?”

Jeremy nods and moves off my shoulder. He pulls out a cheap flip phone. One of his parents probably gave it to him for emergencies. That’s one good decision on their part. He then hands it to me. The contact is listed as “Auntie Caroline.” I stand up and press dial, Jeremy still clinging to my leg. It only rings twice before it’s picked up.

“Jeremy?” a seemingly female voice says, sounding utterly frantic. “Are you okay, love?”

“Hi,” I say, “I’m Simon Snow, Jeremy’s teacher. Don’t worry, he’s here with me, he’s safe.”

She lets out a very deep sigh. “Oh thank god. Is there something wrong?”

“Unfortunately, yes. His father was supposed to pick him up but hasn’t shown, and his mother isn’t answering her calls.”

“Those bastards,” she growls. “My brother and his good for nothing wife have already put him through hell, but this just takes the bloody cake!”

“Believe me, I agree with you. Considering our shared opinion, I was hoping you could come pick him up? I know it’s a lot to ask this late and you’re all the way in Luton but-”

“Don't have to ask me twice. I’ll be there as soon as I can. But it’s going to take me an hour, maybe two.”

I think about Baz, about everything we have planned, about every missed connection these past few weeks. But then I look down at Jeremy, who has the most tragic expression I’ve ever laid my eyes upon. I sigh heavily, then put the phone back to my ear.

“Don’t worry, I’ll stay with him at school until you come. Let me give you the address.”

I rattle off the school’s address, my room number, and the best route to get here. She listens raptly, obviously scribbling it all down.

“Alright, got it. Thank you, Mr. Snow, this means so much to me.”

“No problem, see you soon.”

The line clicks off. I get back down in front of Jeremy. “Your aunt is going to be here soon, Jer. Until then, we’re gonna stay here and sit tight. Okay?”

Jeremy nods, wiping away more snot. “O-Okay.”

“Awesome. How about you go sit in the reading corner and I’ll join you in just a sec.”

“Okay.” He throws himself at me, hugging me tight. “Thank you, Mr. Snow.”

I smile and pat his head. “You’re very welcome, Jeremy. Now go read and get your mind off all this.”

He pulls away and runs over to the reading nook, throwing himself into the neon pink bean bag chair. He grabs a Harry Potter book. Good pick, it’s something he’s familiar with. Though I hate to think how much he relates to the way Harry grew up.

I go to my desk on the other side of the room and take my phone out. Baz’s beautiful contact picture stares back at me, and my heart twists painfully. I hate this situation. I hate that I’m doing this again after nearly three bloody weeks of no physical contact. I can only hope he can understand. And forgive me. The other end rings three times. 

“Hey.” Baz’s honey sweet voice is both comforting and painful right now.

“Hey,” I sigh.

“Oh no, that’s not a good ‘hey,’ is it?”

“No, unfortunately, it’s not.” I run a hand through my hair. “Remember Jeremy? One of my kids?”

“Yes, the one with the arsehole parents.”

“Yeah, that’s him. And tonight his parents have really taken the cake. Dad was supposed to be here but is probably off shagging his barely legal mistress, and mum is probably out clubbing and not picking up either.”

“Bloody hell, what a nightmare.”

“Exactly.” I slump into my chair, tugging my tie loose. “His aunt’s coming to pick him up, but...she lives in Luton...”

It’s Baz’s turn to sigh deeply. “And you’re going to have to stay with him until she gets there.”

God, I'm such an arsehole, and a predictable one at that. “I’m so, so sorry, Baz. I really wanted to go out tonight, and I know you don’t get many days off. This is such an out of the blue thing and I can’t just leave him. I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

“It’s alright, Snow, I understand. I’ll hold you to that promise, okay?”

“Please do. I’ll text you later, yeah?”

“That’s good. Bye, love.” The tinge of sadness in Baz’s voice fucking kills me.

“Bye, darling.”

He hangs up, and I hang my head with a quiet groan. I’m such a dickhead. I could’ve left Jeremy with Ms. Reinhart and went on my date, but I know she has a sick mother at home that she takes care of. Then I would have ruined the date by feeling all guilty and shit. I hate that this is probably the best choice.

“Mr. Snow?” I turn to Jeremy. He’s looking at me with a furrowed brow and pout. “Are you okay?”

I shove all my guilt and worry deep down, and put a big smile on my face. “Yeah, I’m good, Jer. Now how about you read some Harry Potter to me? I’d love to hear it.”

A grin breaks out on his face. “Okay.”

I leave my jacket and tie on my desk and stride over to him. I sit in the beanbag next to him. (Of course I didn’t get these things just for the kids.) Jeremy opens the book to his page.

“Chapter 12,” he starts with gusto

And I sit there listening to him for God knows how long. I laugh, make comments, correct his pronunciation when needed. I'm still a teacher after all. Then when the chapter is done, we watch silly animal videos on my laptop. I make sure Jeremy is happy. He deserves that after all of this. He needs to feel safe. I just wish it wasn’t at the sacrifice of Baz getting stood up,  again. God, am I ever going to get to see my boyfriend again? Is the universe ever going to let us have a moment together? I can’t really blame the universe though, I guess. This was my choice. I’m awful. Baz doesn’t deserve this. I don’t deserve him, honestly.

Soon enough, a middle aged woman with long pink and purple hair sticks her head through the door at the other side of the room. “Hello?”

Jeremy grins and drops the book immediately. “Auntie Caroline!”

Caroline grins and catches Jeremy right in her arms, holding him up high. I walk to them but keep a good distance. “Hey munchkin, good to see you. You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, Mr. Snow stayed with me. We watched kittens!”

“That sounds awesome.” Caroline turns to me. “Thank you so much, Mr. Snow. Is there any way I can repay you?”

I wave my hand. “Don’t worry, no payment is needed. Just glad Jeremy has somewhere to go.

Her face falls slightly. She puts Jeremy down, touching his head. “Can you go get all your stuff, dear?”

“Okay!” Jeremy races off to the cubby area at ten year old speed. It’s a unique phenomenon. Caroline looks at me with a very serious expression.

“Here’s the thing,” she says in a hushed tone, “I’ve been trying to build a custody case for months, but I haven’t been able to get concrete proof of abuse and neglect. This changes things. If my lawyer needs you to, could you please testify at the custody hearing? I know it’s a lot to ask. You’ve already done so much, so if you can’t, I understand-”

“Say no more.” I take a sticky note from my desk and write out my mobile number. “Here. Tell your lawyer they’re free to call me. I’ll do anything to help Jeremy get somewhere safe.”

She sighs and takes the note. “Thank you, Mr. Snow.”

“Please, call me Simon. Only my students have to use my last name so I can pretend I have their respect.”

She chuckles. “Okay, Simon. It’s no wonder Jeremy says you’re his favourite teacher.”

Well, I don’t need an ego stroke (at least that’s what I tell myself), but...it’s nice. I nod with a humble smile. “Good to know.”

Jeremy runs up, wearing his bright red power rangers backpack. “Ready.”

“Awesome. Say goodbye to Mr. Snow.”

Jeremy gives me a big, full arm wave. “Bye bye, Mr. Snow.”

I tousle his hair, making him giggle. “Bye, Jeremy. See you Monday.”

“See you!” He grabs Caroline’s hand and literally skips away with her. Honestly, I’ve never seen him this happy outside of class. He usually hangs his head and slumps off after hanging around in the cubby area for as long as possible. I know the patter well. It's what I used to do before I went to Watford, when I was stuck in shitty group homes. I hope Caroline gets custody. Jeremy deserves to be happy.

Slowly but surely, I collect all my stuff, from my snot covered jacket to my book bag. I look at my phone, and see a few texts from Baz.

Baz [16:56] Hey, just wanted to reassure you that I’m not upset, I understand. I’ll get another day off eventually.

Baz [18:30] I’ve got some takeout, it’s lovely. I’ll save some for you the next time you come over ❤️

Baz [19:18] I’m going to bed soon. Hope Jeremy gets to his aunt’s safe. Good night, love.

I sigh, my heart feeling like a lead balloon. I absolutely need to make this up to him. I’ll figure something out when my brain isn’t so exhausted. For now, I can at least text him back.

Simon [19:23] Sleep well, love. I’ll talk to you in the morning ❤️

Baz doesn’t reply. He’s probably asleep. Probably...

I walk home with my shoulders slumped and feeling like an utter, utter twat.

———————————————

“I’m a dick,” I groan.

“You’re not a dick,” Penny says. “You did the right thing and kept a student safe. That makes you an incredible teacher.”

“And a crap boyfriend.” I throw my cookie dough on the counter a little too hard. It makes an awful splat noise.

“Well, maybe, but Baz has bailed because of his work as well. And he said he understood.”

I grumble as I roll out little balls between my hands. Baking always helps me calm down. Well, usually. Right now I’m close to crushing each one. “Yeah, I guess, but I still feel super bad.”

“Well, take him out on his next day off.”

“Yeah,” I chuckle darkly, “that’ll probably be in about two or three months.”

Penny sighs, sounding just as defeated as I feel. “That fucking sucks. I can’t believe his schedule is really that insane.”

“He works himself to the bone, because he’s a great doctor and he’s going to be a great psychiatrist. It just means we don’t get a lot of time together, but it’s fine.”

“No, it’s not fine. Both of you need to carve out more time for each other. You’re not the only one who is having issues, Si.”

“Yeah, but like, he can’t help but work more. Being a doctor is more demanding than being a teacher. He doesn’t have control of his hours.”

“Neither do you!” She’s practically yelling. “Being a good teacher means going above and beyond for your students. Therefore, you  have to put in extra hours if you want your students to have a great education.”

I make a semi agreement noise. My non-verbal way of saying she may have a point but I don’t like it. “Okay, maybe. But Baz doesn’t deserve to be neglected because of it.”

“Of course he doesn’t, Si, which is why you have to make time for him. And he has to do the same for you if you want this relationship to work.”

“I know you’re right, Pen, I just don’t know how.”

There’s a small pause, and I can imagine Pen stroking her chin like the old scholar she is in spirit. It’s comforting to think of. Penny thinking was a staple of the best parts of my childhood.

“What time is it where you are?” she asks.

I look down at my watch. “Uh, about 11?”

“Good. Finish what you’re baking, bring it to the hospital, surprise Baz with home baked treats. Then see if you can get Baz to go to lunch with you. If not, at least give him something to eat during his insane shift. Try to talk to him or ask him to talk about all this later. Sound doable?”

I’m grinning so wide it threatens to dislodge my earbuds. “Yeah, definitely sounds doable. Thanks, Pen.”

“No problem. Si. Now can I run this new lesson plan by you?”

“Absolutely, go ahead.”

Penny starts rattling off her curriculum points while I throw the cookies in the oven. And for the first time today, I feel good. I feel hopeful. It’s nice. I’ve missed it.

———————————————

UCLH is a towering, intimidating giant of white metal and panes of glass. It’s hard to not feel freaked out looking at it. Anytime I went to the hospital as a kid it was because of a fight at the group home or injuries from particularly awful foster parents. There was never a good reason to be here. Until now, that is.

From what I remember, Baz said he would be on psychiatry today. Problem is, I have no idea where the fuck that is. I can barely navigate my tiny school. This is an entirely different, far more sterile beast. I walk to the front desk where a man with big round glasses and very cool arm tattoos is sitting.

“Hi,” I say cheerily as possible.

“Hello,” he replies with a perfect, pearly white smile and a thick American accent. “How can I help you today?”

“Uh, I’m looking for the psychiatry wing? Specifically for Dr. Grimm-Pitch.”

“Okay. Are you a patient...?

“No, no, I’m his boyfriend. Got some stuff to drop off for him if he’s not too busy.” I hold up the Christmas tupperware filled with raspberry and white chocolate chip cookies. They’re Baz’s favourite.

The man’s eyebrows shoot up. “Oh, you’re Basil’s boyfriend?”

“Yeah, last time I checked,” I chuckle.

“Wow. Nice to finally meet you. I’m Shepard, from Omaha, Nebraska.” 

He holds out his hand, and I of course shake it. “Nice to meet you, Shepard from Omaha, Nebraska. I’m Simon, from uh, Lancashire, I guess.”

“Good too meet you too, man.” He leans his cheek on his hand. “Y’know, Basil has mentioned you exist a couple times, but won’t say anything else no matter how much I beg him.”

I shrug with a smile. “He’s a private person.”

“Yeah, but if I were dating you, I’d be bragging about it.”

Well, now my face must look utterly ridiculous. I’m twenty five years old and blushing from one compliment. “T-Thanks, wow. You’re pretty forward.”

He throws his head back laughing. “Nah, just blunt, man. And way too nosy, at least according to your boyfriend. Says I have some sort of anxiety fueled need to overshare and figure out everything about people."

"That...sounds odd."

Shepard shrugs. "Pretty sure it's made up. Besides, I already have two therapists. Don't need a third one." He laughs, and I laugh along with him. Thought part of me is truly concerned about him. Hope he's okay, he seems nice. "Anyway, I hope Basil is less intense outside of work than here.”

“Most of the time, yeah. He’s got his softer side, just has trouble showing it.”

“Believe it when I see it. Also,” he hands me a pamphlet, “psychiatry is on the fifth floor. Take the south elevator up and turn to the right. Basil should be at the front desk. Said he had patient files to sort all day.”

“Awesome, thanks.” I take out a cookie and hold it out to him. “Here, you can have this, unless you’re allergic to berries, gluten, or dairy.”

“Nope. I will happily take that.” He plucks it from my hand. “Thanks, man. Tell Basil I say hi, and I still have his pen.”

“Will do, thanks!”

He waves me off with half the cookie already in his mouth. Interesting guy. I may have to come back to talk to him more.

I follow Shepard’s instructions as best I can. Though I get lost trying to find the elevators,  twice. The halls twist and turn and loop back in on themselves. Seriously, who designed this hospital, Willy Wonka? Eventually I finally make it to the elevators and suffer in the sanitizer smelling tube for five floors. The psychiatry floor itself isn’t too bad, just kind of bland. Lots of blank grey walls and inoffensive paintings of scenic nature. And it’s pretty straight forward compared to the first floor. I just have to walk down the hall, turn at the “front desk” sign, and there will be-

I freeze in place. There’s Baz, with some redheaded guy leaning on his desk.

“Come on, Basil, you can’t be serious,” he says in a smooth, beautiful voice. “I’d totally shag Dr. Mayer over Dr. Dehnavi. Mayer has such polished charm.”

“Hm, I prefer a more ruggish look,” Baz replies with a half smile. “And Dehnavi gets that wonderful five o’clock shadow after a day of rounds.”

“True, very true. Not so hot when he’s yelling about oral board prep.”

Baz lets out a laugh, shaking his head. Wisps of black hair fall in his face. He looks at the redhead with a sly smile. “Well, I haven’t gotten to that point yet. But I do get an earful about SSRI dosage levels.”

“Oh lord, you’re giving me baby doctor flashbacks, stop. I’m scared Dr. D is going to be on the other side to yell our asses into submission.” 

They laugh together, and redhead moves closer to Baz, their hands nearly touching. My heart drops to the ground and burrows into the centre of the fucking Earth.

Baz looks at ease, content, and most of all, this guy seems to understand what the hell he’s talking about. Definitely more than I ever have. And he’s super bloody attractive. And he’s there, like I haven’t been. Fuck. Deep down, I thought this was going to happen, but it’s still ripping me apart. Baz has found someone better. I’m just the stupid poor orphaned kid he had a crush on in school. Now he’s gotten those old feelings out of his system and he’s found someone, another doctor no less, who can easily be a better boyfriend. Bloody hell, I’m about to cry. I need to go, right now.

I quietly and quickly get away. Going back through the hospital is a blur. And not just because my eyes are filled with tears and fogging up my glasses. My brain is a jumbled, heartbroken mess that can’t focus on anything. I think Shepard waves at me as I walk past but I can’t bring myself to respond right now. I don’t stop moving until I throw myself into my car, tossing the cookies on the front seat.

Finally, I have to stop. And worse I have to think. So, Baz has found a new guy. Some pretty red haired doctor who makes him laugh with doctor humour and probably doesn’t bail. He’s probably going to break up with me today. I should just break up with him, save him the hassle...

I’m gripping the steering wheel so hard my knuckles are white. My cheeks are raw from wiping tears away. I think about losing Baz, losing a chance to make things better, and it's the worst pain I've ever felt. A small part of me thought that maybe Baz was it. That he was the person I could actually, possibly spend the rest of my life with. Maybe it was a stupid thought. I was so stupid.

My head falls forward, forehead pressed against the wheel. And I just cry.

———————————————

I’ve called in sick for a week. I’ve never called in for that long, not once in my teaching career. But I can’t get off my couch, let alone leave my flat. I’ve been laying here for days, surrounded by takeaway wrappers, watching old Dr. Who episodes, cuddling Cherry nonstop. Penny is probably worried about me but I haven’t really been using my phone. I’ve tried to call Baz a few times, but always hang up before it starts dialing. I know I should just rip off the band-aid already. But I’m a coward, I guess. I’ll just lay here, waiting for Baz to call me and finally dump me. Every time I think about it, I still cry a little.

The phone rings and my heart gets so tight I can hardly breathe. Fuck, this is it. I slowly lift it up. But it’s not Baz’s photo I see, or Penny’s. Rather, it’s Agatha’s, grinning with her soft California tan. I press talk right away.

“Hello?” I say

“Oh thank god,” Agatha sighs, “you’re alive. We were all sure you’d been in a horrible accident or something!”

“Um, no, I’m fine, just a little under the weather.”

“Then why haven’t you been answering your fucking texts, you arse?!”

I move the phone away from my ear slightly to avoid hearing loss. “I told you, I’ve been sick. Haven’t felt like responding...”

“Okay, that excuse could work on Baz or even Penny, but I’m not buying it. Cut the crap, Simon, what’s wrong?”

I sigh, running a hand over my face. Well, she’s here, and I’m too tired to make up another lie. “Baz is breaking up with me.”

“What?!” I move the phone again. Agatha is going to make me go partially deaf in one phone call. “That dickhead! I- Wait, what do you mean is?”

“Well, uh...he hasn’t dumped me yet...”

Agatha takes a pause. I can imagine her expression right now. Probably a lot of confusion mixed with disbelief. “Okay, please explain this to me, because I’m so lost.”

I sit up, scratching the back of my neck. “Well, um, Baz and I have been having issues meeting up for the past month. Things kept happening. Baz had this wonderful date planned after three weeks of not seeing each other. But then a kid from my class needed someone to stay with him because his stupid parents wouldn’t show up and we had to wait for someone else. So I cancelled and Baz said he understood but I still felt awful. Then the next day I was going to bring him cookies to say sorry, but when I got there, I saw him chatting with this redhead doctor. And I realised Baz had found someone better. Hoped it wouldn't happen but yeah, he’s going to break up with me. Just waiting for him to call or come over. I’d do it myself but I’m too much of a wimp.”

There’s a long drawn out silence. The only sounds are the California waves on Aggie’s end and Cherry meowing for attention on mine. More than ever, I wish I was a mind reader. I want to know what’s going through her head. It’s probably less muddled than mine.

“Simon,” she says slowly, “I need you to know that I’m only saying this because I love you very, very much. This all comes from a place of caring.”

“Uh...okay?” Now I really need to know what’s in her head. But I think I’m about to find out.

Agatha takes a few deep breaths, and then, well...explodes. “You absolute, goddamn fucking numpty! You’re seriously throwing away objectively the best relationship you’ve ever had because you saw him chit chatting with some redheaded twat!? For Christ’s sake, Simon, this is beyond idiotic and self destructive!”

“Hey I-”

“Shush, Simon!” I shut my mouth. “I get you have some serious self esteem issues, Si, but what happened to acknowledging and dealing with them? You are not a warm body for Baz until he finds someone ‘better.’ He’s been pining after you since bloody Watford and being with you is his dream come true. I know because he’s told me so!”

My cheeks flush a little. “R-Really?”

“Yes, really! He adores you, Si, he thinks you hung the bloody moon. In no world would he just up and dump you!”

“I-I mean, yeah, but like, I’ve been an awful boyfriend lately. I wouldn’t blame him if he did...”

“You really think Basilton Pitch, king of overthinking and future psychiatrist, would dump you without first trying to talk?”

“Um, well, I can see your point.”

“Good. I promise you, Simon, he doesn’t want to break up with you. But if you don’t talk to him soon, it may be too late. So get your arse in gear and get your guy. Or I’ll come from all the way across a continent and an ocean just to smack you upside the head.”

I chuckle softly. Huh, this is the first time that’s happened in awhile. Feels good to laugh. “Okay, will do. Thank you, Ags.”

“You’re very welcome, Si. Please send me an update later so I know you’re okay? And Penny too so she doesn’t blow a gasket.”

“I promise. Talk to you later?”

“Talk to you later, Simon. Bye.”

“Bye.”

The second my phone is off, I jump up. I’m invigorated with new energy, both happy and terrified. I may have just ruined the best thing that’s ever happened to me because I’m insecure as fuck. I’ve got to fix it. Before it’s too late.

I pick up all the takeaway containers at lightning speed. They don’t all fit into my trash though (God that’s sad), so I have to get a new trash bag. At least I don’t have a depression nest anymore. That’s a good start. Next step, I run to the shower. I smell fucking ripe. No way I can apologize while smelling like the bottom of a McDonald’s dumpster. Thank every god that I still have some hot water left. I scrub quickly and furiously until I stop feeling so gross.

I jump out and go to my room. Unfortunately, I haven’t done my laundry in a week either. The only things I have are a baggy pair of jeans and one of Baz’s shirts. It’s soft cream with flower buds on it. For all his dark brooding, Baz has a thing for florals. It smells like him, cedar and bergamot with a hint of hospital antiseptic. I put it on.

I’m halfway through the buttons when I hear my door open and close. What the fuck? Who’s here? Who has a key?

“Snow?” Baz’s voice calls out. “Simon, are you here?”

Oh. Oh shit. I dash out of my room, shirt still half open. I even slide on my laminate floor like a cartoon character. Baz is standing in my entryway. And he looks like a total mess. His hair is disheveled, there are huge dark circles under his eyes, and he’s got close to an actual honest to god beard. We just stare at each other way too long. Until I can find my words again.

“Baz,” I stutter. “Hi. W-What are you-”

“Oh thank god.” He runs forward and throws his arms around me in the tightest hug I’ve ever felt. “You’re alive. I thought you were dead or in a coma or-” He pulls back. His eyebrows are all scrunched up. “Is that my shirt?”

My face starts to heat up. “Um, uh, yeah. Didn’t have anything else. I was going to see you. What are you doing here? Are you okay?”

He scoffs, but it’s with a smile. “No, not really, I’ve been worried sick all week. You weren’t answering my texts or Bunce’s. I was scared shitless. I came here because it was my last resort.” He pushes back my hair, rubbing his thumbs along my temple. It’s downright tender. “I’m just so glad you’re okay.” His hands move to my shoulders. “Where did you go?”

“I, uh-” I hang my head. “I-I did something dumb. And I got super sad and I didn’t know what to do. So I was just here a lot...”

His eyes grow wide. “You were here at your apartment? All week?”

“Um, yeah...”

He steps back and blinks. His face is just blank, and honestly it’s more freaky than him panicking. “You’ve been home alone all week, and didn’t tell me?” I nod slowly. That blank face suddenly morphs into unbridled anger. “What the fuck, Snow?! You couldn’t take two seconds to text me back to let me know you’re bloody alive?!”

“I-I didn’t know you texted.”

“Check your phone!”

I scramble over to my couch and scoop up my phone. I haven’t looked at my notifications out of fear. Oh...oh fuck. 53 missed text messages, and 42 are from Baz. My stomach feels like it’s full of rocks. I really am the worst.

“Oh god,” I say, voice very strained. “I’m so sorry, Baz, I was just so caught up in my shit, I wasn’t checking my phone-”

“Obviously.” He rubs the bridge of his nose. “Why did you come to my work?”

My eyes go very wide and my body becomes very stiff. “Wait, you saw me there?”

“No, but Shepard came to talk to me the next day. He asked if my boyfriend was alright because he ran out looking upset. I was surprised he knew who my boyfriend was, and even more so that you were there. So why were you at UCLH and talk to me?”

“Uh, I wanted to talk to you and say sorry for standing you up. B-But when I came, you were um, talking to this guy...” I curl in myself, rubbing my arm. “And I freaked out because I thought after I fucked up the date you’d found someone better and...were going to dump me.”

I look up, and Baz’s jaw is wide open. He drags his hands down his face. “Oh my god, Simon,” he groans, “after all the time we’ve spent together, I can’t believe you still think that low of me.”

“N-No! I don’t!”

“You thought I would dump you after six months together because of a cancelled date? Which you cancelled to help a neglected child?! I’m not a monster, Snow, I’d never do that.”

“Y-Yeah, I know, Baz. It’s just...” I rub the back of my neck. “When I saw you with him, it made all this shit come up and I totally panicked-”

“I understand that, Simon. But it was one conversation with another guy! Why did you ghost me instead of just talking?”

He sounds less angry, more desperate than anything. But it makes me feel even worse. “Because...because I got scared and anxious and I hated seeing it so much...yeah.”

Baz’s mouth is a thin line. “That’s not a real answer, Snow. Why on Earth did you think the worst of me instead of trying to talk?”

“It’s not about you!” I shout desperately. All the words are so muddled up, I can’t get them out. It’s not Baz’s fault, my brain is just being so unhelpful right now. I wasn’t ready for this talk, fuck.

“What does that mean? You stopped talking to me because you thought I was bloody cheating on you! How is this not about me in some capacity?!”

“I didn’t think you were cheating! I just- I thought- I just got so freaked out because I didn’t want to lose you-”

“You weren’t going to lose me!”

“But I thought I was and that scared me so much because I- well, I-”

“Because what, Snow?!”

“Because I love you, you massive arsehole!”

The room goes absolutely, perfectly silent. Baz���s lips have fallen wide open. I inhale sharply. Oh God, did I really just say that out loud? I clap a hand over my mouth and look down, trying to get my breathing under control. I can’t believe I just did that. I’m such an idiot. Baz is going to dump me for sure. Adores me or not, I’ve probably scared him off. My hand falls down.

“I’m so sorry, Baz,” I say softly. “I-I didn’t mean to say that. It just came out-”

“Did you mean it?” I lift my eyes up slightly. I expect Baz to look horrified, angry, maybe even disgusted. But instead he looks...kind of awestruck? His eyes are wider than I’ve ever seen them before. I think about lying, but I don’t think he’s upset. And I have a feeling that if I lie he will be. I think I need to stop hiding my feelings from Baz.

“Yeah. I did.”

His lips fall open even more. And I swear, he’s smiling a little. My heart is beating faster. “Seriously? You...you love me?  In love with me?”

I take a deep breath, trying to calm down my racing mind. I nod and take a small step forward. Not crowding Baz, but getting closer. “Yeah. I'm in love with you, Baz. I-I know it’s too soon, but I can’t help-”

Baz cuts me off with the most intense, head spinning, world shaking kiss of my life. He presses the small of my back with one hand and grabs my curls with the other. I literally stumble backwards from it. Baz takes the chance to press me against my hallway wall. Like he’s shielding from the world with his own body. He’s kissing me so hard, so passionately, and I can’t help but melt. 

Is this Baz’s way of saying he loves me too? I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t care. This is heavenly to the Nth degree. I’m good at turning off my brain when needed. So that’s exactly what I do.

I push back against Baz with equal force. He groans so deeply it makes me shudder. I grip his face tight, pushing my fingers through his tangled but still soft hair. He drags his tongue along my bottom teeth, slowly and carefully. I nearly melt into a puddle. We’ve never kissed like this before. Even our most intense snogging sections don’t come close. It’s like Baz is trying to touch and grab every part of me but can’t decide which. I don’t mind. He can have it. I’d give him all that I am and more. I’d tie our hearts together, chamber by chamber.

Baz runs his hands down my thigh. I can feel the heat through my trackies. He hooks under one of my knees, pulling it up. I think I get the message. (I hope). I jump, fully prepared to fall flat on my arse, but Baz catches me easily. I wrap my legs around his waist while he holds me up above him. Christ, he’s strong. It’s so hot. And I love this angle, because I can snog the life out of him more easily. This is amazing. But I still want more.

I pull off his mouth (sadly), just enough so I can speak. “Bed?”

Baz just nods and kisses me again. He pulls us off the wall. He barely stumbles as he walks us through my flat. I scramble to unbutton his shirt. I know Baz is really into this because he’s making no fuss about me possibly ruining his clothes. Soon enough, we stumble into my bedroom. Baz quickly kicks the door shut, cutting off the rest of the world, and I don’t mind one bit.

———————————————

Baz and I roll apart solely because we need to breathe. Our chests are heaving. My blankets and sheets are completely tangled around us. I’m more sweaty than the one time I tried to go to a cross fit class. However, this was a way better workout. I’m glad I kept all those supplies in my nightstand.

So, now I know what sex with Baz is like. It’s sweaty, vigorous, a little awkward, and so,  so  incredible. Pretty sure my brains have been thoroughly fucked out. It takes me a few panting moments for me to muster up a singular word.

“Wow,” I say. My voice is really hoarse, but I absolutely don’t mind.

Baz lets out a small laugh. His voice sounds rough too. It’s really hot. “Still very eloquent.”

“Fuck off.” I lightly push his sweaty shoulder. But when I start to pull back, Baz grabs my wrist and tugs me towards him. Before I know it, Baz is kissing me again. It’s soft, slow but so unbelievably hot. I completely melt into his arms. He’s so warm and strong and I could spend an eternity wrapped up in him. No more work or life, just Baz and I in this bed forever. My god that would be a dream come true.

He pulls off to kiss across my cheeks, then down my neck. He already knows the exact spots that drive me insane. (Well, Baz has always been a quick study.) My eyes flutter closed. I’m falling into that haze again, where my head gets foggy and I can only think in “yes” and “please” and  “more.” Part of me wants to sink back into that bliss, but the aching of my out of shape muscles is unfortunately more insistent.

“Baz,” I whisper, “as much as I would like a fourth round, I’d also like to be able to walk tomorrow.”

Baz groans, but relents and rolls onto his back. We settle for just staring at each other. I don’t mind. Baz is always gorgeous but he is a different kind of beautiful right now. His face is all flushed, pupils blown wide, black hair plastered to his damp forehead. And I thought I couldn’t get more attracted to him.

“You alright?” he asks.

“Yeah, absolutely.” I cup his face, running a thumb on his cheekbone. “You?”

“I’m bloody fantastic.” He spreads his fingers out on my side, tracing the most delicate patterns that make me shudder. “Can’t believe I was so scared of this.”

My heart beats faster as my eyebrows scrunch up. “Scared? Of what?  Me? I’m sorry-”

“Don’t apologize, Snow. I wasn’t scared of you, not at all.” He sighs and pulls me a little bit closer. “I just built up sex with you so much in my head that it became overwhelming. I was terrified of fucking it up after wanting it for so long.”

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it from the start too. Six months of sexual tension really mess with your head.”

He chuckles. I like the way his breath hits my skin. “Simon, love, I first fantasised about sleeping with you when we were 15.”

I was already flushed, but now I’m on fire. It’s a miracle I’m not a pile of ash right now. I flap my mouth open and closed like a fish for too long. Baz just smiles at me like I’m beautiful or something, not a total deer in the headlights.

“R-Really?” I finally get out. “That long?!”

“Mhm. I told you, Snow, I figured out I wanted you in fifth year. Puberty was a bloody nightmare with you right across the room.” We laugh quietly together. But I genuinely feel bad for Baz. I hold the back of his head, running my fingers through his soft hair.

“I’m sorry you went through that, love. Must’ve been awful.”

Baz sighs, putting his hand on mine. “Thank you. At least things worked out in the end." He pecks the tips of my fingers. "I’m glad we finally did this. Real life was far better than any fantasy.”

I kiss the corner of his smile. He giggles, so small and adorable, something I never would’ve thought Baz was capable of until six months ago. I’m so happy. And my heart sinks, thinking about how this was almost over because I was so insecure.

“I’m sorry,” I blurt out, and Baz’s face becomes much more serious. “I-I’m sorry that I vanished without telling you. That was immature and dumb. And I’m sorry for scaring you. I promise I won’t ever do that again.”

Baz nods slowly, mouth twisting from side to side. He brings our hands between us, holding me tight. “I accept your apology. Just, what happened, love? I’m still not sure what you meant.”

Well, I knew this was coming. Doesn’t make it any easier. I clutch him hard, like I’m scared he’ll go. But if the last hour or two means anything, I don’t think he will. Still, I hold him tight.

“That’s a long story,” I sigh.

Baz presses his lips to the back of my hand. It’s firm and comforting. “You can tell me. It’s okay.”

I carefully roll onto my back. Baz goes onto his side, propping his head up with his free arm. We keep our hands together. I really can’t let go of him right now.

“I meant it when I said it wasn’t about you,” I say. “It’s really not. I don’t think you’re a terrible person who would dump or cheat on me. It’s more that...that I was scared and felt worthless. Part of me has always felt worthless, unlovable. Sometimes my brain is like ‘your own parents didn’t want you, why would anyone else?’”

“Simon-”

“You don’t need to tell me it’s not true, Baz, I know. Most of me does, anyway. But sometimes that mean voice gets louder, and it’s been louder lately. Not because of you, not really. It’s because I think you’re incredible and brilliant and that mean voice kept telling me ‘why the hell is he with you? He’s way too good for you. He’ll find someone better.’ And after weeks of missed dates and the whole dinner fiasco, it got worse. Then when I saw you with the other doctor I guess the anxiety just took over. And I just sort of shut down.”

Baz moves closer. “I’m sorry, that’s horrible.”

“Thanks.” I sigh and run a hand through my tangled hair, like I’m trying to pull the stress out of myself. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this. I didn’t want to dump all my shit on you. It’s a lot to deal with and I should deal with it on my own, not pull you in.”

“Simon,” Baz says firmly, holding himself above me, “you can absolutely pull me into your shit. I want to know everything you’re worried and scared about, so I can be there to help if you want. You never have to hide anything because I love every single part of you, no matter how insecure or sad.”

I stare at him for too long. My heartbeat is roaring in my ears. Slowly, a smile stretches out across my face. “You love me?”

Baz’s face pulls together in confusion, and for a moment I’m scared he’s going to take it back, because I’m not worth it. But then I push that fear down because Baz cares about me. He’s shown that again and again. I'm not unworthy of his love.

“Did I not say it?” he says, genuinely surprised and concerned.

“I mean, maybe, but things were a bit...chaotic before.” My eyes flick over to our rumpled clothing strewn across my room. It honestly looks like a tornado somehow hit both a Primark and a Topshop. Baz laughs with a nod.

“Okay, good point. Let me correct that then.” He delicately holds my chin, making sure our eyes meet. Black hair surrounds his face like a dark halo. His deep sea eyes sparkle with his gorgeous smile. Everything about him is absolutely stunning. “I love you, Simon Snow. I’ve been in love with you since we were kids, because you are the most kind, most caring, most wonderful man I’ve ever known. You are not a holding place or my second choice. Got that?”

I nod very vigorously. I can’t speak right now, my throat is too filled up with all my emotions for words. I wipe my snot and tears with the back of my hand. Extremely unsexy. God I’m a mess. But Baz still looks at me like I’m the most gorgeous thing in the world, because he loves me, imperfections and all. 

“Don’t cry, love,” Baz chuckles, “it’s okay.”

“Just overwhelmed,” I say, still sniffling, “and happy. I love you too.”

Baz kisses my forehead.  “I know, and I’m very happy as well.” He tucks his head into the crook of my neck. “Not to get all psychiatrist, but these issues of hidden insecurities and fear we both have are going to reoccur if we don’t communicate more.”

I nod, rubbing the arm he has across my chest. “Yeah, I agree.”

“Good.” He rolls slightly, chin placed on my shoulder. “In the name of communication then, I think not seeing each other for weeks on end isn’t good for us. We need to try to meet in person more.”

“Yeah, definitely. I think not seeing you for a while made my anxiety get worse. Thought you would dump me because it was too hard for us to meet up.”

“Honestly,” Baz sighs, “I felt something similar. Not as badly as you, I think, but still not fun. The self deprecating part of me wondered when you would finally get sick of my insane schedule and break up with me. I’m not exactly the easiest person to date. Or the easiest person, period.”

I laugh quietly and tug him closer. "Me neither, love."

Baz smiles all the way to his ears. He kisses me firmly, making my head spin, before pulling me away just as quickly. Our noses stay pressed together. “Suppose we match then, love.”

I throw my arms around his neck. I’m grinning, I can’t stop grinning. “And you like that?”

“I love it.”

“Me too.” I press against his back, reveling in his warm, smooth skin. “I promise to make more time for you. I want this to work. ”

Baz kisses a mole on my cheek. “So do I. I’m in this for the long haul, Simon.”

“Good, because I’m not letting you go.”

“I would love nothing more.”

I grab Baz’s head and smash our mouths together again. Baz instantly returns it, holding me tight. His body is a warm blanket on top of me, protecting me from anything bad in the world. Yeah, I could spend the rest of my life with Baz. I want that so much. Our snogging gets more intense. And each of us can definitely feel our mutual arousal pressed against our thighs.

Baz pulls off my mouth, but only a little. “What happened to needing to walk tomorrow?”

I shrug with a sly smile. “Eh, who needs walking? You can just carry me everywhere.”

He grins once before kissing me hard. I’m truly a lucky guy. And it’s incredible that Baz thinks the same. I’m living a charmed life.

———————————————

Three months later

“Y’know,” I pant, “you could help.”

Baz looks up from his phone, one eyebrow propped up. “Who carried all your KitchenAid hardware to our new place?”

“Okay, yeah, but that was  down the hall, not up four flights of stairs.” I drop another box of books and breathe heavily.

“That mixer was very heavy.”

“Baz.”

He lets out a very dramatic groan, making a show of hanging his head over the back of Penny’s settee. “Fine. I’ll help.”

I don’t miss the joking glint in his eyes. Arsehole. He just likes making a show of it. He kisses my cheek on the way out. I slap his arse, making him yelp, but his smirk tells me he’s not upset at all.

“Are you two flirting?” Penny calls out from the hall. “I told you, my flat is a flirt free zone!”

“No flirting, Bunce,” Baz says. “Just some light groping on Snow’s part.”

Penny groans so loud I’m pretty sure the whole floor can hear her. She walks in with a box filled with figurines. She glares at me viciously. I throw my hands up in surrender.

“I slapped his arse, didn’t grab it.”

“That’s not much better, Si.” She places the box on the ground and puts her hands on her hips. “Focus more on moving and less on your boyfriend’s arse.”

“Aw, don’t be mad, Pen, I’m sorry.” I wrap her up in a tight hug, and she holds me just as close. She’s been doing that a lot lately. I don’t mind. “Y’know, that offer to fly to Chicago and kick Micah’s arse is still on the table.”

That finally makes her laugh. She shakes her head against my chest. “No, it’s alright. I’m mad but not really vengeful. He tried to break up with me, I just wasn’t listening to him.”

“Still not an excuse to start dating someone else.”

“Yeah, I guess," she sniffles. "Thanks for subletting your flat to me."

I kiss the top of her head. "You're very welcome, Pen. Anything for you."

She holds me tighter. I let her hang on to me. It’s the least I can do.

“After all the fuss you made about me helping,” Baz shouts, “now you’re just standing there, Snow? Really?”

I sigh and look up over Penny’s head. Baz is balancing two large boxes because he likes to show off how strong he is. But he’s being helpful, and his strength is hot, so I don’t mind.

“I am comforting my friend,” I say, tone very high and mighty and mocking.

“Yes, but avoiding work must be a plus.”

“Oh, absolutely. And teasing you.”

Penny laughs and pulls back from me, looking at Baz as he puts down the boxes. “As a psychiatrist, you think it says something that even though you’re together now, you two still bicker like in school?”

Baz tilts his head side to side, stroking his chin like a great scholar. “Probably could say something about regressing to old patterns of behaviour from when we were children. But now after time together, working out our issues, and forming better patterns of behaviour, the bickering is now a show of affection rather than true antagonism. Therefore it has transformed into a healthy relationship feature from a bad one. A rare but possible event.”

Penny blinks at him. I’m trying to hide my blush. Don’t really want Penny to know how hot I find Baz being all smart and shit. Still have no idea what he’s talking about, but now I definitely want to rip his clothes off. Penny would kill me though. Murder would not be sexy.

“God,” she chuckles, “you really are a psychiatrist.”

“Yeah he is!” Shepard stumbles in, a box wobbling precariously on his arms. “Either that or he’s a weirdo who enjoys being in a hospital all the time for some reason.” The box tips over. I run up and catch it just in time. “Oh, whoops, sorry.”

“You break it, you suffer Bunce’s wrath, Shep,” Baz says.

“Damn right you do.” Penny walks past him, leveling a look over her glasses. Shepard gulps and watches her as she goes downstairs. And he follows her to help, looking totally out of it.

A pair of familiar arms wrap around my waist. Baz rests his chin on my shoulder. “In my humble psychiatrist opinion, I think our dear American might have a little crush on Bunce.”

I chuckle, cupping his cheek. “I wouldn’t blame him. Pen is pretty awesome.”

“Oh," he says with a teasing lilt, "should I be worried that she’s living down the hall from us now?”

I scoff and roll my eyes like he does at stupid people on telly. “Should  I be worried about you working with Dr. Lamb?”

Baz makes a very unattractive dry heaving sound. “Never. That backstabbing twat can go eat a bag of rusty screws. Only reason I give him the time of day is because he’s got my supervisor wrapped around his stupid finger.”

“And if you piss him off you’ll lose important psychiatry rounds, yes, yes, I know. He’s still gonna try to flirt with you.”

“Yeah, because he’s a twat. But I only want you.” He kisses a mole on my neck, his favourite one. “I love you, Simon.”

I kiss his temple. “I love you too.”

“I love you  so much I’m willing to give up my lovely condo to move into your weird exposed brick hipster building.”

I scoff and turn to him, arms around his slender neck. “Wasn’t it  your idea to move into a bigger place here because it’s closer to both of our workplaces?”

He smiles, kissing the tip of my nose. Bastard. I hated his teasing in school, but he’s right, now it’s out of love. Crazy, stupid, wonderful love. “Since when do you listen to me?”

“You have a good idea every once in a while.”

“How about this one?” He kisses me firmly. When he pulls back a little, my heart is beating rapidly.

“Yeah, I like that one.”

“Good.” We kiss again, soft and slow. Never before have I felt so safe and content kissing someone. Baz can hold me close and make all my worries go away. Part of me still can’t believe I get to have this. A person who adores me completely, including every single weird, flawed, stupid part too. But I have to stop thinking like that. I’m allowed to be happy. I’m allowed to be with someone so incredible. And someone so incredible can absolutely love me back. The work we've both put in to being together shows our mutual care again and again. We deserve to be happy together. It's amazing.

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Baz and I pull apart to look at Penny’s glaring face. “We leave you two alone for five minutes and you’re already defiling my apartment?”

“This is still technically Snow’s flat, you know,” Baz says smoothly.

“And you don’t want to know how we’ve already defiled it.” I give the biggest shit eating grin I can.

Penny waves her hands in front of herself. “Nope, nope, I’d rather live in blissful ignorance. Also, Simon," Penny hands me an envelope, "postman came. This is for you. Thought I'd grab it before they accidentally delivered it to me."

I rip it open with ease. Inside is a paper with familiar terrible handwriting. I grin ear to ear. Baz looks over my shoulder. "What is it?"

"It's from Jeremy." I scan down the letter. Luckily I'm adept at deciphering kid writing. "He says he misses me but likes his aunt's place a lot. They garden a lot and he's playing football on a community team.:

"All sound great," Penny says, having moved to the shoulder not occupied by Baz.

"Yeah, definitely. Oh, and he's got a new kitten. And guess what he named him?"

"What?" Penny and Baz say at the same time. It's pretty hilarious but I keep myself from laughing to avoid any glares.

"Snow." I hold up a Polaroid picture of a grinning Jeremy holding a small, fluffy white cat. Both of them can't help but make awing noises.

"Adorable," Baz says. "You did a good job with that kid, Snow."

I kiss his cheek. "Thanks, love."

"I want a cat," Penny sighs. Her nose scrunches up. "Am I going to turn into a crazy cat lady?"

"Hey," I say, "you were the one who told me that was a sexist stereotype. So no, you're going to be a very sane, wonderful, brilliant cat lady." I lean closer, whispering in her ear. "And maybe, once you feel better, you can try talking to a certain American. I think he's got a thing for you."

Penny sticks her tongue out, but before she can respond, Shepard comes stumbling in with a box of china. He places it very carefully. I can see him not so subtly watching Penny out of the corner of his eye. I don't think he wants to piss her off again. “Okay, I think that’s all of it. Wow, a lot of books. Reminds me of my Mom's office back in Omaha.”

"So I remind you of your mum?" Penny asks, arms crossed over her chest. Shepard's eyes go wide. I snort into Baz's shoulder

"No! No, definitely not, I just mean...you're both super smart."

Penny scoffs. "Good answer, American. Now let's get all my books unpacked."

I groan loudly. “Come on, Pen, not today. Why don’t we go to mine and Baz’s flat and we’ll make you dinner?”

“You mean I’ll be making dinner.” Baz raises his eyebrow at me. “You can’t cook, Simon.”

“I’ve been learning!”

He sighs over dramatically. “Very well. You can chop the onions.”

“I’ll take it.” I put my arm on Penny’s shoulders. She leans into me like always. “Come on, let’s eat.”

“Can I come?” Shepard asks, beaming wide. Who could say no to that face?

“Of course! You deserve a reward for all your hard work.”

“Awesome!” He dashes up beside Pen, looking all cute. And I can see Penny smiling, just a little. I’m glad to see her happy.

I put Jeremy's letter in my pocket. It's going right on the fridge the second we get to mine and Baz’s new place. Baz takes my hand in his, weaving our fingers together. He smiles, looking at me from the corner of his eye. I feel like I could fly on the power of love alone right now.

God, I truly have an amazing life.

———————————————

Awwww stupidly in love, just how I like it. Tbh I started writing this before Wayward So came out, and after I decided I wanted to deal with their communication issues like in the book but resolve them. I'm not throwing shade, just stating an opinion, plz don't kill me lol. But I do hope you all liked it! I never planned on writing a sequel but sometimes shit works out like that. I do have another idea for a short one shot but don't hold me to that, life is pretty nuts rn and I don't have a lot of free time, hence why this took me so long. Anyway, have a good day/night y'all!

[vicky-shitposts]

my mind makes noises

20th Feb 2021,

last night i had a weird dream. im a big fan of Primeval and since i was young, Abby and Connor have been one of my top OTPs. late last year i binged the whole series, start to finish. in my dream last night i can remember being chased across the green of a park, by some tough guys i think?? i distinctly remember checking my phone and i had done 11,000 steps. then Abby pulls up in her car and i hop in, and we speed away to safety down a highway. we stop off at a gas station for some snacks, then catch up with Connor at an office block. it's dark out, and we're being chased around. crawling through air vents and looking round corners. something must have come through an anomaly, or we'd upset the guy in charge. i remember a man in a suit too.

i actually found the energy to get washed and dressed when i woke up. but when i did wake up, i didn't feel so good. physically fine but mentally not. i feel down, sad and terrible but for no apparent reason. i hate it when this happens, and it happens too often. im sat wearing the Pale Waves tshirt dad got me for my 18th, listening to their All The Things I Never Said EP. dad loved Pale Waves and we even went to see them together. i think that was the day that his illness really sunk in for me, and was the last day we really went out and spent together before he had a rapid decline. for the longest time it was so painful listening to them, because it just reminded me of better and happier times. i didn't want to listen to their new album because i was scared i would break down crying. but now Who Am I? has charted in the top 3, which is incredible for only their second album. im so proud of them and i know that dad would be too. i think after this EP, im going to listen to their first album while i do some more reading. i feel like i owe it to my dad and is the least i can do. maybe i feel so sad because i miss him so much: "i swear that i'll never stop loving you, and i'll die by your side if you want me to" <3

i can see why a Pale Waves stan i know of loves Drive so much. i wish i could load myself into a car and drive off into the night, company by my side, either shouting along to music or in dead-but-comfortable silence. the last song kind of got me and just added to the aura im feeling. "i wonder what it's like to die", me too. a wonder on my mind constantly since i was 11, ran through my hands twice. Adam Ant said that Kurt Cobain was brave for killing himself, a sentiment i think about often; Clara saying "let me be brave" suddenly has an entirely new meaning. i think today is Kurt's birthday too, so happy birthday man. i hope you're having a party up there with everyone i love. my album listening session was heavily interrupted when i was asked what i wanted from the shops, as mum's bf was going to get stuff. can a girl never find peace?? apparently not in reality or mentally.

something just happened to me. there i was making my lunch, watching the first episode of Ealing Comedies - a series REG did on films he loves - and the intro of episode one is running. he's telling us what's going on, and has some clips from all three episodes. and out of nowhere, i see REG sat next to Peter Capaldi. Peter is one of my heroes and favourite people ever, his Doctor has taught me so much and is my blueprint. every time i see him i cry. but not this time. instead i let out the most high pitched squeal, collapsed to my knees and started shaking, looking at the tv with so much awe and love. before me were arguably my two favourite men sat together and i didn't anticipate or expect it. it took me by such shock and is all im going to think about for the rest of today. i also had an idea for a Withnail And I-esque film, of two people bunking together but not by choice. one is straight and every archetype of a cis, straight person, constantly giving passing comments of abuse to their flatmate who's as gay, queer, non confirming as they come. both want different things in life and are two opposite ends of the same spectrum. only to discover the "anti gay" was actually gay this whole time, and was deathly scared of themselves and their truth. i also have a bag of cashews to devour now, so some faith has been restored to my world. but not much, mind you.

left my house at 4.11 pm for a walk, didn't get back until about 5.30 pm. it was incredible. as i walked to Sturmer traversing squelchy mud, Hyperspace - Beck was playing in my ears. it's one of my favourite and one of the most important albums to me, i only listen to it on special occasions. felt a little sad listening to it and it reminded me of better times with G/R/E but that's okay. i really do miss them. i sat on a log for 15 minutes and let the album finish; then i sprung into action, found a big stick to use as a walking stick, and walked home through sturmer listening to the Withnail And I soundtrack. there was something so beautiful and liberating about listening to it while walking through a village, all by myself, sun setting behind me. i felt genuinely happy. i felt like i was in the film, at Crow Crag myself, walking in their footsteps. luckily there was no randy bull or chicken to kill for supper. just beautiful music that adorned a huge smile over my heart.

today has been a day of firsts for me, as it's also been the first day ive almost cried while taking the wrapper off a dvd. i just got done watching Logan, and i don't normally care about marvel, but i was actually invested in and really enjoyed it. but before anyone had uttered a word i was almost in tears, because i felt guilty unwrapping it. my dad got it and i presume he wanted to see it at some point. sadly he never got the chance. i only wanted to watch it purely because REG was in it, and i really wish he could have sat and watched it with me. i was also back to hugging my pillow for emotional support too. but the thing that stung the most was (spoiler) that Logan found his daughter, and his daughter watch him die. i may not have been my dad's daughter, but i know what it's like to experience that. i've really been missing him a lot today.

[girl-with-cat-eyes]

Love As Strong As Stone (1/?)

Summary: Virgil and Thomas are two princes about to be married and things couldn’t be happier for them. But when disaster strikes, they will have to do everything in their power to stay together.

Ships: ThVi, background Logince

A/N: I know that I need to post the next chapter of Where I Belong, but this came over me. So here we are. Heads up this is going to be angsty but super sweet. Special thanks to @forever-forgotten-angel for listening to me rant about this for like a week now and helping me write this. Tell me what you think and send me an ask if you want to be added to the taglist.

~

The kingdom of Elusia was a prosperous one. The people flourished under the rule of King Caspian Elusian and Queen Theodora Elusian and all was well. And today marked a joyous occasion for the kingdom, as it was the christening of the newest prince. Citizens flocked to the town square to hear the news of the baby prince. Inside the castle bustled with activity: servants setting up for the celebration. And amongst this commotion sat the eldest prince, watching his new brother with complete and utter adoration. 

    “Hi Virgil!”, whispered Prince Roman softly. The baby in question cooed in response, “It’s crazy, huh? Everyone’s running around like they’ve gone mad. They’re all getting ready for the party. ‘Cause we gotta celebrate that you’re here now.”.

    Virgil gurgled in response. Roman took it as excitement, “There’s gonna be good and presents. And mom and dad are gonna tell everyone your name. They already told me though. It’s because I’m your big brother. Which means I get to know first.” 

    “There’s a lot of stuff that big brothers. We have to watch our baby brother’s. We play with them and make sure they’re happy. We have to protect them. That’s what mom said, anyway.”, Virgil watched him with rapt attention. Roman smiled and reached into his crib to tickle him, smiling as the baby squealed with laughter, “I’m gonna protect you. I’m gonna look after you and be the best big brother ever!”. 

    “Your Highness, where are you?”, Roman sighed as his nursemaid rushed into the room, “There you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Come on now, you have to get ready.”.

~

    All of the nobles in the kingdom stood in the throne room, watching silently as the king and queen walked out holding their newest child and young son in tow. Everyone waited with baited breath as King Caspian began to speak. 

    “Citizens, we have had another peaceful year. And it is due to that peace that we are able to bring you this good news. A week ago my lovely wife, your queen, gave birth to a beautiful, healthy son. You have a new prince. I swear, just as I swore 6 years ago when my presented Prince Roman to you, to raise him to be a prince that all of you can be proud of. I swear to teach him to know that he is to serve you, and not the other way around. It is this idea after all, that has caused all of these peaceful and prosperous years. I swear to raise him to be kind and compassionate. That I will teach him all I know, and to hope that he learns from both my successes and my mistakes. And now, it is with great pleasure that I present to you His Royal Highness, Prince Virgil Alistair Elusian of the Kingdom Elusia. I hope and pray that he will help to continue our era of peace.”. 

    With those words, the infant prince was raised into the air. The crowd erupted into applause. This was truly a joyous time for the kingdom. Caspian smiled as he handed little Virgil to his wife, looking at his lovely family. His smile faded as the clapping was replaced by shocked whispers. Caspian turned back towards the crowd. There, walking towards his family, stood a man. He stood tall, smirking as he slowly clapped. He stood out amongst the crowd, a burn scar covering half of his face and two green tattoos traditional of warlocks streaking diagonally across the entire thing. Caspian knew him well.

    “What are you doing here, you snake?”

    The man in question smirked before speaking, “Now, is that any way to treat an old friend, Caspian? I thought we were closer than that.”

    “Friend? You call me your friend after you try to murder my wife? How dare you, you traitorous bastard.”

    He walked forward and Caspian made to block his family from view. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the guards inching closer to apprehend the warlock. The warlock however saw this as well and, with one movement of his arms, sent the guards flying back.

    “Now really, what is with all the hostility? I’ve only come to give my newest nephew a gift.” 

    Theodora spoke then, and from the fire in her voice you wouldn’t realize that she was known as ‘Queen Theodora the Kind’, “There is not a single gift in this world that we would want from you, brother.”

    “But you shall have my gift. After all, I am ensuring that your precious new son will never be sent off to war. From this day forth, Prince Virgil shall remain in the palace grounds.”, he rose his hands and an ethereal yellow light surrounded both the warlock and the baby in question,  “Yes, the young prince shall remain here his entire life. And be warned, should he step one foot over the border, he will turn to stone and stay that way for all eternity. I swear upon all the gods in the sky that not even True Love’s Kiss shall be able to break this spell.” 

    The guards took this as their moment to strike, but it was no use: the warlock moved his arms again and disappeared into a puff of smoke. It took everything that they had not to crash into each other. Virgil, spooked by the sound of  metal clanging on metal, started to wail. Caspian turned to his wife, who was attempting to soothe the infant while holding back tears herself, and gathered her into his arms. He felt a soft tug on his pant leg and looked down to see Roman staring at him with scared eyes. “Papa?”, he whispered softly. 

    “Come here, Roman.”, the king said as he scooped up his eldest son and held him close. In that moment, one wouldn’t be able to tell that they were royalty. They appeared to be just a grieving family, holding each other so as to not lose one another. 

~25 years later~

    “Because I just can’t, Thomas. I’ve told you this before.”, There were many cons to being cursed. Virgil knew this for a fact. Not being able to leave the palace grounds was not a fun thing, even for someone like him. He never even had the option of going out to see his kingdom. Virgil’s entire world was limited to the palace and its grounds.

    “Why not? You are avoiding the question now and you know it. Why won’t you come visit my kingdom? If it’s because of your illness I talked to my father: he said we’ll send for the best healer there is so that you won’t get worse.”. 

    This of course was another problem. Not being able to tell his betrothed the reason he could never come visit him. This had been a point of contention in their relationship for a while now. It wasn’t exactly easy for Virgil to say ‘Hey I can’t come see your kingdom because if I step one foot off of the palace ground I’ll turn to stone.’. It was kind of a crazy story to explain to someone after all. 

    “It’s not that Thomas. It’s just….”,Virgil looked to the sky and sighed, “I just can’t. It’s not just your kingdom, I’m not even allowed to go into town.” 

    “Why not? There are so many secrets around where you can and can’t go. It feels like you’re trapped here, Virge.”, a hand wrapped around his waist, “I just want to know why. One reason, Virgil, that’s all I’m asking for. Give me a reason why and I’ll never ask you again, I swear.”

    Thomas looked so distraught. His eyes were red with tears and his hair was messy from repeatedly running his hand through it. Virgil took one look at him and knew he had to tell him. He sighed and tried to gather his courage, “Because I’m cursed.” 

    “What?”

    “When I was a baby a warlock cast a spell on me. He said that I’d never be able to leave the palace grounds. That if I took one step step off of them I’d turn to stone instantly. My family- we’ve been looking for a way to break it for years now. But nothing has worked. So I’m stuck here.” 

    Thomas gasped softly at his betrothed words, “Virgil, I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I shouldn’t have pushed you like that.”

    “Of course you didn’t know. We kept it under wraps for a reason.”

    “It’s still no excuse for how I acted. I should have listened and left it be.”

    Virgil looked him, “It’s better that you know this now, we’re engaged after all.”, Thomas wrapped his arm around his waist. 

    “Is that why Roman gave you the throne?”

    “Yeah… He figured if I was king then I couldn’t be sent away to train to be a knight like he was.”

    Thomas pulled him into a hug. No more words were spoken after this, the couple merely enjoying their presence. Thomas however was thinking of how he could help find a way to break the curse on his love. Virgil deserved to see the world, to be able to leave the castle. And Thomas would do whatever he could to help him. 

~

A/N: Tada!!!! I hope you guys like it. 

Tagging:

@forever-forgotten-angel

[sailoryue]

Howlin' for you

(based on a prompt by @merelypassingtime Eddie has a dark secret he's been keeping from Venom for a few months, one he's absolutely ashamed. When he is no longer able to keep it, how will that effect their bond?

.*-*-*-*-*-*

Symbiosis was generally a two-way street. Venom needed Eddie to survive on Earth, and while Eddie did not need Venom to survive normally, Venom allowed Eddie use of his abilities to take out bad guys. Such as the thug that used to extort Mrs Chen. Between them, there were no secrets. Save for one.

*-*-*-*-*

Shortly after Venom had fully recovered from the explosion, nearly a month after the event itself, Eddie’s demeanor had changed and he had pretty much begged Venom for this one secret.

“Please, V,” he had started. “I don’t ask for a lot. Just please let me have this one.”

At the time, Venom had not understood. And even now, he still did not understand. But in the end, he allowed Eddie his secret. Sure, if he wanted, he could just pull the thoughts by force, much like how he did in the beginning of their union. And Eddie knew it. But things were different now. There was trust; and Venom VALUED trust, unlike most of his species. No matter how curious he was, he would not break that trust. 

The whole secret thing wasn't all bad. One full day a month he got to be with Annie, and Venom loved her very much. Hell he even eventually grew to tolerate and even like Dan. Not that he had much of a choice, given how Anne refused to allow any ill thoughts about her boyfriend.

Regardless, these once a month visits were fun. Both Anne and Dan always made sure to engage him in conversations and always had the best chocolate. Even tho he did not understand why, he eventually grew to look forward to these outings. Venom knew Anne knew the reason for these trade-offs, and tried asking her about it, but even she put her foot down and refused to give any hints. She said it wasn’t her secret to tell, and Venom accepted that. Even tho the secrets hurt.

Venom started to wonder if Eddie was getting tired of their bond. He usually got tired and edgy when they got close to the point in the month when the exchange happened, and was usually happier when he returned. He just wished that Eddie could just trust him with the reasons that he needed these breaks.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

　

Venom never expected to ever get his wish.

One month, when it was the time Eddie usually arranged to meet with Anne for the meet-up for the switch, Venom noticed that Eddie was more on edge than usual.

Eddie had tried to get ahold of Anne for the past hour.

“Ah, finally! Annie, I’ve been trying to reach you all day. Where do you want to meet to do the exchange?”

　 “Eddie, I thought I’d told you. Dan is at a medical conference in San Diego. We’re out of town for the week.” There was a lot of background noise so Anne had to speak loudly. 　

Venom noted the spike in Eddie’s pulse. Usually he didn’t pay attention to this monthly conversation, they usually went about the same. But obviously something was different this time. 　

“But what about… my issue?” Eddie asked in a rushed voice. 　

“I’m sorry, I swear I thought I told you. Maybe its time you told Venom?” 　

Eddie let out a defeated sigh. “Yeah, maybe. Sorry to bother you then Anne. You guys enjoy your trip.”

“Good luck, Eddie.” 　

As he hung up the phone, Eddie let out a curse under his breath.

　 IS SOMETHING WRONG EDDIE?

　 Venom could feel a sense of defeat coming from Eddie as he rubbed a hand over his face.

　 “It’s…nothing V.” Eddie said with a sigh. “You were bound to find out anyways.”

　 FIND OUT WHAT?

　 Eddie’s watch went off. “Damn, we don’t have as much time as I thought.”

　 TIME FOR WHAT, EDDIE? WHAT IS GOING ON?

　 Eddie didn’t answer the question immediately, instead grabbed a set of motorcycle saddle bags and his helmet.

　 EDDIE ARE WE GOING SOMEWHERE?

　 Eddie locked up and headed down the stairs to the parking lot.

 "Yeah. We have to head upstate. It’s a six hour ride. Look, V, I give you permission to look in my memories for what I do every month, where I go. Look in my memories for ‘werewolves.’ I know you’ll probably have questions, but please don’t ask them while we drive. I’ll answer them when we get to our destination.“ 　

Eddie’s request worried Venom a little, but he agreed to it. The ride was fairly uneventful. Eddie’s mind was swimming with worry. Why? What was this about a werewolf? Venom tried to find the answer, but the more he dug the more questions he ended up having. What was this all about? 　

Before long, they got to where Eddie wanted to be. He pulled off on to a trail and continued on as the road grew rougher and rougher, until Eddie had to walk the bike the rest of the way he wanted to go. Eventually they reached their destination, a clearing in the forest near a small lake.

　 The wooded area was quiet. Peaceful. Earth certainly had such beauty on it. Venom was glad they were able to prevent the invasion.

　 EDDIE, WE STILL DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON. WE LOOKED INTO YOUR MEMORIES AND THE ONLY THING ABOUT WEREWOLVES WE COULD FIND IS FROM MOVIES AND THAT DOES NOT HELP US WITH THE BLANK SPOTS IN YOUR MEMORY WHEN WE TRIED TO FIND OUT WHY YOU COME HERE EVERY MONTH.

　 "You can’t see it? Damn, I was hoping you could tell me.” Eddie sighed as he parked the bike next to a tree, taking the keys out and hiding them in a knot. He opened one of the saddlebags, which was empty, and methodically removed his clothes, placing them in the bag. Venom knew this was almost ritual, going by what he had seen in Eddie’s memories. He had seen that every month Eddie did this, ending with placing all of his bracelets and ring on top of the pile of clothes, and closing the bag with a snap.

　 EDDIE, WHAT IS A WEREWOLF?

　 “Basically, it’s a curse. It happened when I was a kid, I was attacked by what I thought was a dog, but it was something much worse.” Eddie paused looking up at the darkening sky.

　 WE STILL DO NOT UNDERSTAND, EDDIE. WHAT IS A CURSE? WHAT HAPPENED WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD?

　 “It means I’m going to transform. I don’t really have a choice, and there’s not enough time to really explain it. I’m sorry, V.” Eddie walked away from his stuff to the other side of the clearing. “I should have told you sooner instead of you finding out this way.” 　

Venom was beginning to feel on edge. Something felt wrong with them.

　 EDDIE? WHAT IS GOING ON?

　 “I’m about to transform. I’m sorry I never told you. I don’t know if I’ll be able to talk to you after I turn. I’ll explain in the morning, I promise I–” He trailed off into a grunt, doubling over in pain.

　 EDDIE?

　 The sun had finished setting and the moon, bright and full rose up. And for a moment, Eddie blacked out.

　 *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* 　

As far as Venom could tell, their unconsciousness lasted only a few minutes. But as their mind cleared, Venom realized that something was very wrong.

　 EDDIE??

　 There was no response. Venom could sense that while he was still IN Eddie, Eddie was very, very different. Venom took stock over their body to try to see what had happened. 　

To start, their body was no longer human. Instead it was wolf like. Venom had seen many documentaries on wolves, (what else do you do when your host needs six to eight hours of sleep at night?) and from what he could tell, Eddie was much bigger and meaner than the wolves he had seen on Animal Planet.

　 Venom tried looking into Eddie’s mind and noticed the senses were very much different. Their hearing, smell and sight were much sharper, even than their monstrous Venom form; keener than even any host Venom ever had.

　 WHAT HAPPENED TO US, EDDIE?

　 Still no response, tho venom knew that wolf-Eddie heard the question. For some reason this creature they had become would not, could not answer. Instead, they took off running, deeper into the woods. 　

Venom knew it would be futile to ask Eddie where they were going. Instead he just sat back and watched as the wolf smelled around. He didn’t try to achieve symbiosis just yet. He did not want to cause harm to Eddie. Not again. He needed to be patient and observe and take this acclimation slower, to not be detrimental towards the very different biorythms.

　 SO…WHAT NOW, EDDIE?

　 Tho the creature Eddie became made know acknowledgement of Venom, he seemed to be aware of his presense. But considering the strange voice did not seem to be a threat, it went ignored. 　

Venom soon realized that what Eddie was doing was hunting. Venom could tell just by how the creature acted. It was both similar and different to how THEY acted when they stalked bad guys, but it was more skilled.

　 LET’S SEE HOW YOU HUNT ALONE, EDDIE.

　 Venom did not broadcast the words thru the bond, not wanting to disturb his host this time. He watched in silence as the wolf-creature smelled for and stalked a prey animal in the forest. He was impressed at how quickly they found a target, a female deer that was minding its own business, and was proud at how quickly Eddie took it down.

　 YOU MAKE A VERY GOOD PREDATOR, EDDIE.

　 Given the skill at it Venom wondered if this was why Eddie wasn’t too far against their need for hunting and live prey. While they started to enjoy their meal, Venom sensed danger near. But what? 　

His got his answer really quick as a bear came out to the clearing they were in. Eddie-wolf growled at the bear that was much, much bigger than them, and the bear growled in response. Venom could sense fear and anger from Eddie as they quickly backed down and fled.

　 WHY EDDIE? WE CAN JUST AS EASILY TAKE THAT DOWN, CAN’T WE?

　 For the first time, Venom got a response to his commentary and flashes of memories came from their mind. The bear constantly attacking and stealing Eddie’s prey, and how the first time Eddie had tried to take down the bear he barely managed to get away. That allowed Venom to connect the dots on another memory. Just a few months ago, he had found Eddie returned from his 'excursions’ with bad scarring that he tried to brush off as an accident on his bike, but considering it was during Eddie’s 'secret vacations’ he didn’t look to far into it. As far as he could tell, this bear had for the past several months stolen Eddie’s prey. That won’t do at all.

　 WE CAN BE SO MUCH BETTER EDDIE. TOGETHER WE CAN TAKE DOWN THIS BEAR FOR ALWAYS STEALING.

　 Venom finally managed to finish re-bonding with Eddie and showed the wolf a beast they could be together. At most he could just feel hunger from the wolf, but also a want. A want to take down a big prey, to eat and be full. And finally agreement.

　 EXCELLENT!

　 And at that, Venom surrounded Eddie much like the first time they transformed to fight Carlton Drake’s goons. Soon the wolf was much bigger and more deadly than ever, with longer, sharper claws, and deadly teeth. There was a taste of glee and death on their mouth. There was a rush of adrenaline and elation almost, ready to take down anything. And they took off on the hunt.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*

Eddie slowly woke from his slumber, the sun was just starting to rise, warming the area. He felt the usual soreness he felt after his monthly transformation, no longer feeling the tiredness that usually happened right before. The transformations usually felt close to healing, even though they were extremely draining the day of. He stretched, feeling every muscle pull and every joint pop, glad to be human again and he rolled to his back so he could stare at the sky which was slowly lightening. It was only then as his mind fully came awake that he realized….

MORNING EDDIE.

Eddie sat up with a start. “Venom! You’re still here.”

WHY WOULD I NOT BE?

Eddie sighed. “It’s not that, I had no idea what the transformation would…” He trailed off looking down at his hands that he was about to rub his face on, noting the dried stiffness they had. He then looked around and noticed the destruction around them. He jumped quickly to his feet, running away from what obviously used to be a bear, shouting a curse. “What the hell happened??”

WE TOOK DOWN THE BEAR THAT KEEPS STEALING YOUR FOOD.

“You took… wait how?” Eddie walked away from the nightmare that was before him. He looked down and noted that he was also covered in this mess, so he headed towards he lake.

TOGETHER. WE FORMED OUR VENOM FORM, ALBIET IT WAS DIFFERENT IN YOUR WOLF FORM. DO YOU WANT TO SEE HOW?

Eddie held up his hands. “I’ll… take your word for it V. Thanks. That bear’s been stealing the other me’s food for a while now, according to the park rangers it migrated down from the mountains and they’ve been trying to figure how to get it back up. Guess that’s a moot point now, huh”

Eddie let out a derisive laugh as he stepped into the cool water of the lake.

EDDIE, WHAT EXACTLY IS A WEREWOLF? WE SAW US TURN INTO A WOLF LIKE CREATURE, BUT THAT WAS NOTHING LIKE THE IMAGES FROM THE HORROR MOVIES WE WATCH.

“Hmm? Oh, right. Well like I said last night, its pretty much a curse. When I was a kid, I went to a camp out with some friends. Though I wouldn’t really call them my friends, since… you know about how hard I struggled with that.” Eddie shrugged and started to wipe off the mess from the night before. “One night, I was attacked by what I had thought was an ordinary wolf. A month later I started to get really sick. And the bite wound started burning really bad. My dad of course just thought I was being a pussy about it, pretending to be sick.”

Eddie finished cleaning himself and started swimming to fully wake up. 

“Luckily my sister was into monster movies and books and she had a hunch that maybe what bit me was a werewolf. She locked me in the basement on the night of the full moon. She stayed nearby just in case I WASN’T a werewolf. Fortunately my dad was drunk as usual and didn’t pay us any mind. Unfortunately she was right on her hunch.”

WE STILL DO NOT QUITE UNDERSTAND EDDIE. WHAT DOES ALL OF THIS MEAN?

Eddie walked to the edge of the pond, where he knew there was a log to sit on. “Once a month, on the night of the full moon I have to transform into that creature you saw last night. I come out here to make sure I can’t hurt anyone. If I bite anyone they would be cursed as well, and I can’t let that happen.”

WHY?

“Why?” Eddie splashed his face to cool it down. “You saw what I became, what we became. That kind of creature is far more dangerous than probably even Riot. Hell I had no idea what this would even do to us!”

US? IS THIS WHY YOU HAD US BE WITH ANNIE WHEN YOU TRANSFORMED?

Eddie sighed. “Yeah, man I didn’t know how this would effect our bond; if we would be able to handle this.” Eddie trailed off as he caught the tail end of a feeling that quickly vanished. "V…. what was that?“

IT WAS NOTHING EDDIE. 

"V, were you worried that i was trying to get rid of you?”

OF COURSE NOT EDDIE.

Eddie could tell his symbiotic friend was lying.

“V… Come out. Let me see you, right here.” Eddie held his hands side by side in front of his face. 

Venom formed a snake like form right where Eddie requested, his face ended up being inches from his.

“V, listen. There is nothing in this world that that could ever convince me to get rid of you. No matter how aggravating you may be, there is nothing that I would ever trade you for.”

EVEN IF SOMEHOW YOU FOUND A CURE FOR YOUR CURSE?

“Not even that, bud. And now that I know we can survive every month, there is nothing that you could do to make me get rid of you. You understand?” Eddie pulled Venom’s face towards his so their noses were pressed together

YES, EDDIE.

“Good. Now let’s get dressed and head back into town. I’m hungry for something other than bear.

SO WHEN IS THE NEXT FULL MOON?

[13-reasons-ideas]

Finding Peace in Another Part 9

TW this chapter contains discussion of parental death and suicide. suicide not mentioned until after the cut. 

A/N: This chapter is very personal to me and it is where we learn just what prompted the move to Crestmont. I hope you enjoy. As always, feedback is appreciated. 

The next morning was far less eventful than the previous one. No surprise visitors, no almost revelations about a dead brother. Just us spending the morning together getting ready. I met him at school, and we shared a quick kiss before going to meet our friends. Monty met up with the boys and I spent some time with Alex and Clay before class. Alex and Clay were arguing about some comic book I had never heard of, but they tried to make me feel included in the conversation. I zoned out after a few minutes, thinking about what would happen if they found out about Montgomery and I. I know that Alex and Monty haven’t exactly had the best history. Alex had told me about the fights they got in and I was very aware of how Montgomery handled his emotions. Which, to put it bluntly, was essentially just to hit things until he felt better. “Hello? Becca? Earth to Rebecca?” I heard Clay call tapping me on the shoulder.

“Huh? What sorry?” I said, absentmindedly.

“I was just asking about what you did last night.” He said, looking at me strangely.

“Oh. Sorry, I just stayed in, had pizza and watched a movie. Just a me night.” I lied smoothly.

“Nice, what movie?” Alex asked.

“The Notebook.” I told him, picking my favourite sappy film. They both made a face and muttered something about chick flicks. We had walked to my locker, where I heard Bryce comment on the scratches on Montgomery’s back he saw yesterday before practice.

“No wonder you were so tired at practice yesterday. You were probably up most of the night. Who’s the lucky girl?” he asked, pushing Montgomery’s shoulder. I blushed into my locker and heard Alex make a sound of disgust at their discussion.

“Fuck you Standall, grownups are talking. No one you know. It doesn’t really matter. It was fun though. Ill probably see her again.” He said, trying to hide that it was me as we agreed. Bryce seemed surprised that he didn’t want to go into detail and even more surprised that he wanted to see the girl again. I heard Alex mutter something akin to ‘charming’ as Clay just stood there, looking very uncomfortable. I waved bye to my friends as Zach and I walked to class. I felt someone’s eyes on me as I walked away and felt a text, checking it I saw it was from Monty ‘I’ll definitely be seeing you again. By the way, you look hot today.’ I smiled as I put my phone away, feeling heat creep to my cheeks. Zach saw my blush and grinned at me.

“sssoooo… who’s the lucky guy? Or the lucky girl? I don’t judge.” He said in a singsong voice. I felt my blush grow deeper and laughed.

“It’s a guy. We um… we aren’t really telling anyone yet. We want to keep it to ourselves for a while. I am happy though. Happier than I’ve been in a long time.” Zach nodded in understanding.

“I get that, I’ve been there. Just make sure he doesn’t make you keep it a secret forever.” He told me as he sat in his seat. After class ended, I bid Zach goodbye and told him I would see him at lunch. I saw Tony in English and told him about what Montgomery and I decided last night.

“That’s good. I’m glad you’re happy. Just let him know if he hurts you, ill have to hurt him.” He told me seriously.

“You and about 12 other people Tony. Ill let him know though.”

By the time lunch came, I was ready to go home and go back to bed. Monty and I need to start sleeping together through the night, rather than talk for hours on end, only sleeping for a few hours a night. Walking over to our table, I saw Zach already there. “Hey Zach.” I mumbled, sleepily.

“Hey Becca. You look exhausted.” His voice sounding concerned. I sat down and put my head on his shoulder.

“I am. I haven’t really been sleeping much the past few weeks. Did you have plans after school?” I asked him, stifling a yawn.

“No I don’t think so. Why? Did you want me to come by and chill?” I nodded and made a sound of agreement, closing my eyes. “Okay, ill text my mom after lunch and let her know I’m going to your place.” I nodded again. “Did you want to nap?” he asked kindly. I nodded again. “I’ll tell the guys to be quiet then. I’ll wake you after lunch Becca.” I nodded off a bit, sleeping lightly until I felt serval pairs of eyes on me and heard whispers. 

“She’s so cute when she sleeps.” 

“Wonder what she’s been doing to need to nap at lunch.” 

“Awe, her nose twitched.” 

They all sound like new parents watching their baby. “Quit staring please. It’s creepy.” I mumbled, opening my eyes and turning to Zach. “How long was I out?” 

“About 10 minutes. Feel better?” 

“Yeah. I should make it through the rest of the day. Don’t know if I’ll make it through a few episodes of our show though, so only expect an episode tonight.” 

“That’s fine. Did you want to reschedule?” 

“No no, it’s okay. I’ll make a cup of coffee when we get to my place or something.” I felt Montgomery’s eyes bore into me but ignored it. He knows Zach and I are just friends so it’s not like he has anything to worry about. Turning my attention to Scott and Bryce, “also, no. I’m not cute when I sleep. And what I’ve been doing is none of your damn business.” I told them matter of factly, but still smiling. They laughed and rolled their eyes. 

     The rest of the day went a little smoother than this morning. I was more awake and alert. There was less fog in my brain. Zach and I agreed in Peer that he would spend the night, so he was going to run home for clothes and grab some food from Rosie’s on the way to my house for us. I texted Monty to let him know, as a courtesy. ‘Hey, just so you know, Zach is going to spend the night at my place. We might end up drinking and I don’t want him driving home then.’ He responded a few minutes later ‘okay, thanks for letting me know.’ Sneaking a look around to make sure Ms. Bradley wasn’t looking, I texted him back. ‘He has to run home and grab some clothes after class. So I could hang around school for a few minutes, if you wanted....’ He texted me back almost immediately. ‘Meet me at my locker after class. Have to get my fill of you in before the weekend.’ As the bell rang, I gathered my stuff quickly and waved to Zach before all but running out of class towards Montgomery’s locker. I saw him standing there, leaning against his locker looking for me, though to anyone passing by it would just look like he was scanning the crowd. Spotting me, he jerked his head towards the exit, signalling for me to meet him out there and get away from the people. I walked to the door and exited the building, finding myself in an empty alcove. A few minutes later I heard the door open and Monty came through. He closed the gap in four steps, leaning down to cup my face as he kissed me. Because we were in public and at risk of being caught at any time, we kept the kissing brief and talked for another few minutes. 

“So, this girl you’re spending your nights with... I hear she’s pretty great.” I teased him. 

“Yeah. She’s smart, and funny, and wild in bed. I barely have to touch her and she’s putty in my hands.” He teased back, winking at me. “And she does this thing when she’s reading, if she’s really into the book. Her brows furrow and she starts mouthing the words as she reads. It’s adorable.” He went on, laughing at my blushing face. My phone alerted me to a text message. It was from Zach telling me he was leaving his place with his clothes for tomorrow.

“Shit, I have to go. Zach is leaving his place and I don’t want to make him wait outside.” 

“Okay, text me when you get home.” 

“I will.” Tell him, pecking him on the cheek. “Bye babe.” 

“Bye baby, have a fun night.” He says, turning his head to kiss me goodbye. It’s a brief kiss but enough to get us through until Monday. 

     Rushing to my car, I drive home hoping to beat Zach there. I manage to beat him by five minutes and am looking for a wine glass when I hear his knock on the door. When I open the door, Zach is standing there with a bag of food in one hand and a coffee for me in the other. I lead him inside and he sets the food down on the island, handing me my coffee as I take a long drink. I savour the burn as it goes down. He puts his bag down and unpacks dinner as I pour myself a glass of wine. “Did you want a drink? There’s beer in the fridge or wine or pop.” I offer him.

“I’ll take a beer yeah.” Handing him a bottle and the bottle opener, he opens it before we make our way to the couch to start our show. We sit down and enjoy dinner together as we watch our show, laughing until it’s over. Pouring another glass of wine and grabbing another beer for Zach, he asks me “tell me about mystery man? You were awfully red this morning when you were texting him. I know you aren’t telling people, but I know you want to spill.” 

“Well, without giving too much away, I guess I can tell you some things.” I said, pulling my legs under me, holding my glass of wine. Zach leaned back on the couch waiting for me to continue. “He’s tall. Not as tall as you, but tall enough for me. He’s smarter than he lets on and he cares more than he wants people to think, but also short tempered. Looking at me you wouldn’t expect me to go for his type.” I heard Zach gasp and I held a breath. 

“Is it Cyrus? Because that would be cool. He’s kind of funny.” His thought made me laugh. 

“No! It’s not Cyrus I swear to you. He doesn’t strike me as the ‘hide your girlfriend’ type. More, carry a girl on his shoulders so everyone knows she’s his. Anyway, this guy. He has rough edges but once you get passed that outer shell, he’s a big softy. Never repeat that to him when we decide to tell people. It was very unexpected. After the year and a half I’ve had, the last thing was looking for was a relationship. After my mom died I kind of... I didn’t know how to handle it. And just when I got back on my feet...” I trailed off, unsure if I wanted to continue and let Zach in. 

“When my dad died, I was lost. My friends were out of town so Hannah and I started hanging out. I went to a lot of movies to fill the time. I had to step up and be the man of the house. I’m 17, that’s not what I want. I want to be a kid. So I get it. You lose someone close to you and your world flips 180 degrees. You have to learn how to breathe and live again.” He told me, sympathetically grasping my hand. I got up to grab myself another glass of wine and got him another beer. 

“If you want to hear the rest, I’m going to need another drink.” He nodded in understanding as I sat down handing him the cold beer. I took a long drink from my glass before continuing. “After my mom died, my dad started going on more business trips and working later- I think he wanted to avoid coming home to a house without his wife. It left a lot of time for my brother Jake and I to take care of each other. I guess he had more going on than I thought he did. I remember it was the middle of the night when my dad called me and asked if I had heard from Jake. I hadn’t seen him since that morning, but that wasn’t unusual. We both ran in different circles so sometimes we didn’t see each other for a day or two. There was something in my dad’s voice that made me worry. I called his best friend and asked if they had seen him. They said no. Later that day my dad came back from his business trip early. We spent the next three days looking for him. The police were involved and took a lead on the search.” I paused, feeling tears in my eyes as I took another drink. “And then on Saturday I came home and my dad told me he was dead. It was obvious he killed himself. Losing my mom was child’s play compared to that. That week was one of the hardest weeks of my life. My dad had already been considering accepting a promotion but that was the thing that pushed him to taking it. A few weeks later, he told me we would be moving here. His work was able to fast track the permits and everything so it was a fast move. And here we are.” I said sadly, finishing my story. I didn’t feel better talking about it. Zach squeezed my hand and pulled me towards his chest. We sat in silence for a while before he turned on an episode of Family Guy and we watched it, laughing sadly and drinking until we started to feel better. Around 1:30 we decided to call it a night and bid each other goodnight. He went to the guest room and I went to my bedroom. I must have woken him at some point in the night crying because when I woke up, my eyes were burning, and his arm was around me. 

[writing-in-the-impala]

You Always Hurt The Ones You Love (Part 8)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

AU: Professor!Bucky Barnes/ Teacher!Bucky Barnes

Series Summary: You fall for your smoking hot literature professor Bucky Barnes (quite literally) what follows you never predicted would happen.

Warnings: Swearing, Drinking, teacher-student relationship (but like it’s all legal chill) and mentions of PTSD because it’s Bucky, SLOWburn we’re in for a long ride

Word Count: 1953

A/N:  I’ve got the next few posts on automated posting so for the next three weeks expect updates every Thursday after that no promises

MASTERLIST | SERIES MASTERLIST | Part 1,  Part 2,  Part 3,  Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

You wanted to talk to Bucky during your next lesson but he wasn't in. So you decided to get an excuse to go over to his, you went to a deli bought him home made soup, bought cold medicine and pain killers and went to his with the pretext that you're doing what he did for you. You knocked on the door and waited, nothing, you knocked again and you heard footsteps as if someone walks up to the door looked through the peep hole and walked away, you knocked again and nothing. "Barnes I can hear you walking around in there!" You shouted and then the door opened. Bucky looked rough maybe he was ill, it looked like he didn't shave all week his usual clean shaven or slightly stumble look was replaced with the beginnings of a beard, he was wearing trashy clothes and his hair was a mess. "Hi, look I know you don't want to see me and I'm 90% sure you're not actually ill but if you are I bought you some stuff because you did it for me it's only fair-" You ranted.

"Do you want to come in?" Bucky cut you off in a deeper voice than usual he sounded broken.

"Are you sure?" You asked and he lightly nodded stepping aside to let you in, you walked in expecting the flat to be a complete mess like Bucky but surprisingly it was spotless. You sat down on the couch and Bucky took a seat opposite you neither of you knowing what to say. "Is everything okay Bucky? I'm worried." You said receiving a deep sigh from Bucky before he hid his face in his palms.

"I think I'm gonna quit work and move somewhere else like a new state." Bucky simply said in his broken voice.

"What? Why?" You asked confused and also with worry. Would this mean that Bucky was going to be out of your life?

"I don't know." Bucky said aggravated standing up and starting to pace the room.

"Well you obviously do, considering that you've made this decision." You stood up angry with how Bucky has been acting these past few days. Bucky ignored you so you continued. "You're acting so selfish." You said and Bucky kept pacing. "Steve will be devestated and heart broken, your students will be loosing their teacher half way through the year they will be confused and hurt, your friends will all be upset and miss you, need I go on." You continued and Bucky kept pacing and not saying anything. "Fucking hell Bucky stop pacing." You said putting your hands on each of his arms in order to make him stand still and he stopped. "Thank you." You said with a sigh.

"I don't want to leave..." Bucky said his voice filled with sadness.

"Then don't." You simply said looking up at him to look him in the eyes.

"But I have to." He replied you could see the pain in his eyes.

"Look whatever you think if forcing you out of here you can fight it." You said hugging Bucky to comfort him. "You grew up here, New York is your home don't leave. You have people who will help you, you just need to let us help you." You said and you felt Bucky nod and you let go of him ending the hug.

"Steve's already tried to help me, it didn't work I don't know how to get out of this situation." Bucky said sounding frustrated again and sitting down.

"What situation?" You asked calmly sitting down opposite him.

"Me kissing you!" Bucky raised his voice making you slightly flinch, you knew he wouldn't hurt you but when he raised his voice he was terrifying.

"I'm sorry Bucky I really wanted to help you but if you're childish enough to fucking leave town because of one accidental kiss then I think you should grow up." You said feeling annoyed with his pettiness.

"It wasn't accidental, I mean it was, but I wanted to kiss you, of course if I ever was going to actually kiss you on purpose I would've asked for your consent but I'm a fucking idiot, my head just forgot who you were, it felt like we've been dating for years and that's so fucked up because you're my student and the only way out of this situation is to leave." Bucky ranted.

"Bucky the last thing I want is for you to leave town." You said honestly. "And I don't want you to quit your job for a few reasons, you like what you do, you're good at it and without you I'd fail but the last one is a bit selfish." You said and Bucky final smiled a bit.

"I don't know if we can be friends..." Bucky said sadly.

"Why?" You asked trying not to sound hurt.

"I'm your teacher." Bucky said harshly.

"Wasn't our excuse: we were friends before I became your student?" You said trying not to get tears in your eyes, you knew you'd never date him but you hoped you could stay friends, and now he didn't even want to be your friend?

"But I'm into you, I want to kiss you again, and I shouldn't want to, but if I met you any other way, if you weren't my student, I would've used every line I know, I would be the best smooth talker in the world, I'd do anything just for you to go on one date with me so do you understand why I can't be your teacher why I can't be your friend?" Bucky said in a rant his voice filled with desperation and pain. You didn't say anything you reacted on impulse and leaned on and kissed him. The kiss started off slow and when Bucky realised you wanted him as much as he wanted you it began to get hot and messy, it was just as you imagined except with the addition of his scruffy beard. Somehow the two of you were making out on the couch now with Bucky on top of you his arms on either side of you and your arms around him with one of your hands in his hair. Your make out session got abruptly cut short when there was a loud knock on the door. "If I ignore it they'll go away." Bucky said inches away from your mouth before continuing to make out with you but another knock followed. Bucky sighed standing up and you laughed at the situation. "Should I like hide or stay here? Or what do I do?" You whispered as Bucky checked who it is and you saw his eyes widen. "Hide. It's Steve. Go in the bedroom." Bucky whispered pointing to the bedroom and you went to hide. It looked exactly the same as the last time you were in there you decided to just sit down on the bed and wait for Steve to leave, however Steve was seeming to take his time or Bucky forgot about you, to make sure you decided to actually pay attention to their conversation. "You sound like you're trying to get rid of me bud." You heard Steve say.

"I'm not I promise Steve I'm fine." Bucky replied.

"You've been in this apartment since you kissed Y/N feeling sorry for yourself because you have a crush on a student news flash she probably is into you! So just talk to her like I told you to do before this whole kiss fiasco!" You heard Steve say in a very leader like voice, there was a few seconds of silence before Bucky spoke again.

"Why would you think she likes me?" Bucky asked as if he's genuinely asking. That dick.

"Well I don't know, she deals with your shit I mean the million times you acted like a dick and she never held a grudge, remember Dot would ignore you till you apologised and it would always be a fight, the two of you at Bruce's party was the cutest thing ever and she came to me asking if you are okay, asking why you aren't coming to work, knowing that you're faking it." Steve explained and you cursed him for outing you like that to Bucky. "Look she doesn't take any of your shit. I can't believe I just said that but it's the only way you'll understand. She doesn't, but she still cares for you so much, when you were walking away from her at the cinema she bought you M&Ms not to make you walk her home but to make you happier. And if you don't speak up and tell her how you feel I will." Steve finished his rant and you couldn't help but to laugh slightly to yourself over this whole situation. You couldn't hear anything for a bit and then you heard footsteps approach the door so you panicked and hid on the floor next to the bed pulling a blanket over yourself. "Wow you're great at hiding." Bucky said laughing and pulling the blanket off you.

"I panicked." You said and Bucky laughed. "So what did Steve want?" You asked.

"He wanted me to tell you that I like you." Bucky said stretching out his hand to you to help you up.

"So how do we do this?" You asked honestly.

"That's what I'm trying to figure out." Bucky said honestly the two of you going to sit down at the kitchen island to talk.

"Okay let's break it down. So we're dead if the school finds out we're dating..." You began.

"And we're dead if we don't tell our friends, Steve will kill me just for me hiding you today." Bucky said honestly. "Want anything to drink?" Bucky said  opening the fridge.

"Water please." You replied. "Boring." Bucky remarked and you scoffed. "Anyway," you said making a big deal of changing back the subject. "Maybe we only tell the people we can definitely trust, like our closest friends and tell them not to tell anyone." You said and Bucky agreed.

"I think we should cut down how much time we spend with each other around town, because before if anyone said anything we genuinely were just friends and we can't play that card anymore." Bucky said and you agreed but feeling a bit sad because you loved spending time with Bucky and doing things and it will suck to be stuck indoors together all the time.

"No PDA, but that's a given, and maybe it may be a good idea to change the contact names for each other in our phones because one text message seen by the wrong person can cause this to all come crashing down." You said and Bucky agreed.

"What's your middle name?" Bucky asked pulling out his phone.

"(Middle/ Name), why?" You asked.

"Okay I have you saved as M/N." Bucky said changing the contact.

"Well I already have you saved as your middle name so that doesn't work, and I can't use your first name because that's also obvious." You said.

"Yeah, oh use Grant." Bucky said and you have him a confused look. "Steve's middle name." Bucky explained. "Oh okay." You said changing the name.

"So do you have anywhere to be right now?" Bucky asked.

"Nope my professor didn't come in all week so I have no work to do." You said making him chuckle.

"Wow good on him so that means you can stay here a bit longer and watch a movie or something?" Bucky asked.

" I would love that." You said with a smile sitting down next to him to watch a film and cuddling up into his side.

Part 9 | More stuff I wrote

Tags (send me an ask or message and I’ll add you):@iconictaurus@whosmarisaaarw@grayxswan@sideeffectsofyou @alt-er-love-er-alt

[themansmansblog]

Draft day (Chapter 1)

Crystal pov

" Come on Crystal it's draft day your going to be drafted for sure I mean you held the nxt title for basically a year you where unstoppable " Bayley said jumping up and down pulling me inside the performance center.

Bayleys been my best friend sense I've been in developmental, we where pretty close. It was funny in my opinion becasue to most people they see her as the happy and joyful one then they see me and I'm well I'm me.. not as joyful but to her I'm doing my best okay? She always tells me that I look tough i guess thats my resting bitch face acting up. But what's hard is getting me to open up, i have trust issuse after all the stuff ive been through in my life.

"Yea I was champ in tell you beat me" I said walking inside with her as she held on to my arm making sure i didn't walk away from her.

" Hey we agreed that wasn't personal, and beside we hugged after. Keep making stuff up ,but your going to be on the biggest stage there is :and I'll be your biggest fan " Bayley said as we walked to where there was a bunch of seats and the whole nxt locker room was out there sitting down as Monday Night Raw started.

"Carmella tell Crystal she'll be drafted tonight. Or im just gonna go crazy. "Bayley said as we sat down next to Carmella.

"Oh my god you are most definitely being drafted that's not even a question girl. How could raw or Smackdown not invest in the longest reigning NXT womens champion. Its stupid if I say if they dont." Carmella said I nodded my head cracking a small smile at Bayley and Carmella. As I took a deep breath and watched the tv screen.

" I'm so nervous" I mumbled

"Don't be, hey Finn!" Bayley said as Finn Bálor aproched us well Bayley's friend. I've never talked to Finn really. Seen him a bunch of times. How could i not have seen him. Have you seen that mans body?!

"Hello ladies. Ready for the draft?" Finn asked looking at Bayley and glancing at me every now and then smiling polity.

"Hell Yea I can't wait to see this one get drafted after me telling her 100 times already today that she well. And your going to be drafted too leaving me friends less.."Bayley said putting her arm around my neck pulling me close to her as she frowns at her disapproval of being along.

"Love you to Bayley ,but by any chance can you let go of me ?" I asked and I hread a light laugh coming from Finn

"Nah Crystal has a better change then I do" Finn said making me blush at the fact he knew my name.

" Don't say that your going to be the first to go for sure! Who wouldnt want the demon on their team" Bayley said letting her grip on me go. She hit Finn on the arm with him moving back a little protending to be hit hard.

"Haha! Ok well I'm going to sit down have a good time ladies!" Finn said looking over at me smiling. I still had a pinkish color to my cheeks .

"Awe your blushing!! Wait.... do you like Finn?!" Bayley whispered to me.

"Well I can't say I don't find him attractive ,but I don't know about like... you know me and guys.. it just seems to never work.. and besides I don't think I can do it... you know what happend to me" I said bring my hand to my mouth bitting my nails like I always do when i dont know what to say.

"Yea... but Finns different he's the digest dork " Bayley said laughing a little

"I don't know Bay..." I said calling her by her nickname I call her

"Ok. I won't push it ,but if he asks you on a date I swear to god I'll beat the living shit out of you if you say no to him. Hes so a sweet man he needs a chance" Bayley said glancing at me with daggers in her eyes.

"If... key word if" I said rolling my eyes with a slight smile on my face.

"Hey-" Bayley began but I got her off right away.

"Shh it's starting " I said making her stop and we watched as Seth Rollins got drafted to Raw then Dean Amdrose to Smackdown and so forth

"with an eye for the future or next pick comes from NXT " Mick Foley began ,and Bayley was jumping out of her seat excided to learn who it was.

"Finn Bálor" Mick said loudly.

" I knew it !" Bayley said smiling and hugging Finn. He was sitting behind us so I turned around to say my thoughts.

"Congratulations Finn " I said to him smiling.

" Thank you " Finn said smiling and taking a raw shirt that was handed him. We quieted down as Smackdown picked there person again

"Me and Mick both said that our goal was to have a strong woman divison so our next pick comes from nxt too ,and she is the two time nxt women's champion and the longest reigning nxt champion, the most badass bitch in locker room Crystal! " Stephanie said and I sat there shocked as Bayley jumped up bouncing up and down so I stood up hugging her back as i cryed happy tears.

The roster was clapping as Bayley let go of me and of course I was blushing as I got handed a Raw T-shirt.

" Can we get a picture of you and Finn Bálor sense you two where both the frist nxt superstars to be drafted to raw?" A camera person asked pulling us to the side for the photos.

"Uh.. Yea of course" I said hugging Bayley one last time walking acroos the row to get to finn for the picture

"Be nice ok " Bayley calls out giggling.

"Yea yeah " I said putting the t-shirt on moving my hair ,and fixing it a little getting into the ring with Finn standing in the middle with Finn.

"Hey I didn't really ever get to meet you before. I've seen you around and well I'm Finn Bálor " Finn said sticking out his hand for me to shack with I gladly shook

"Crystal. Crystal Foster " I said shacking his hand.

"Nice to properly meet you. " Finn said smiling at me and I gave him a small smile.

" Ok we just want a picture of the two of you i dont really care what pose " the lady said holding up a phone for a picture.

"Just this then" Finn said putting his arm around my shoulder as i put mine around his torso. We smiled the picture was to taken. I got out of the ring going back to Bayley who was smiling at me.

"What?" I asked looking down at my red shirt

"you like him..." she said with that kids like smile on her face.

"Shut up do not!" I said glaring at her as Smakdown picked Alexa Bliss then Raw went back and forth intell we all knew who was going to at Raw and Smakdowns show.

I was a nervous werk. I mean like who dosnt stop and stare when Finn Bálor walks by hes well a very beaftuil man and i got to say i still look at him every now and again.

"Okay people don't get confused we still have a show tommarow night! So go get back to your guys hotel rest. Lets get ready for takeover ,and lets just all give the people who got drafted today a big huge round of Applause. Ill miss you guys and the NXT superstars and universe well sure miss you too" Matt said starting to clapping i smiling waving at everyone clapping as well for the other people who got drafted.

'I cant believe your leaving me " Bayley said frowning ,but hugs me holding me tightly.

"Just means you have to get on my leavl again. Plus, im hungry lets go get somethibg to eat before we head back to the hot to crash" i say smiling

"I have an idea. Lets invite everyone who got drafed to a dinner tonight.. Like we use to do when it was late after a show. Just hit up a diner and have no last dinner. Itllbe a goodbye dinner!" Bayley said smiling with enjoyment.

"Yeah sounds good ill go talk to the girls then you can go ask the guys sense you have better moves then i do" I told her as we go our separate ways

"So like olds time right ?" Nia askes smiling when i got over to the group. Well my close net group was pretty much Bayley and Sasha. With Carmella, Nia and Alexa being a very close friends too

"Yes exactly so im here asking you guys if you would come as i dont ask a lot of you ,but god it would be nice to have like a far well dinner before i have to beat you back up" i said laughing at my joke looking at my friend group that i love dearly.

Nia and Alixa look at each then back at me " We're in meet you guys there" Nia said smiling as her and Alixa make there way outside.  I already talked to Carmella and let me just say i don't know who was happier her getting invited or Bayley coming up with the idea.

"So like old times then? " Sasha asks wrapping her arm around my neck as we meet back up with Bayley.

"So all the guys well be there and Finn" Bayley said nagging me with her eldow expecting to get a reaction out of me.

"Oooo she like Finn?!" Sasha asks smiling glancing at me. "Why didnt you tell me?" Sasha asked shooked.

"Well bayley pryde it out of me not like I was expecting to tell her" I say bitting my nails like I always do.

"Okay okay i dont agree with that! It was writen all over your face that you liked Finn" Bayley says as we all headed to the car to meet up for dinner with everyone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[lgbtyrus]

TJ’s Playlist Chapter 6

Story Summary: When Cyrus finds a playlist on TJ’s desktop full of old love songs, he realizes that TJ has never been a scary basketball guy but rather a huge sap. TJ just wished Cyrus could realize that all of those songs remind him of a certain boy who likes chocolate chocolate chip muffins without telling him directly.

With insecurities and fears almost set in stone, it’s hard for TJ to admit that he has a heart aching crush on Cyrus who is trying to avoid just that. Of course, it doesn’t seem like both of them are trying to get over each other when they’re always together.

Ao3 Link | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Words: 4252

Warning: angst, they cuss now

Cyrus found himself still lying awake in his dark room. His blanket had been thrown to the side, and he was sweating. He made his way to his restroom, and when he was washing his hands, he looked up at his mirror. He looked exhausted. He had told TJ goodnight and his intentions were to fall asleep right away like he had for the last few years. It was a gift Andi and Buffy always told him that they envied.

Only he couldn’t.

He kept thinking about his conversation with Buffy and wondered if there was anything that they had done that made her ask that question. What had put the idea in her head?

The only thing that drove him crazier was that he couldn’t get the idea out of his head. When had put the polaroid of him and TJ in his journal, he doodled a heart on the side without thinking. He quickly turned it into a shaded in circle and shut his journal.

He didn’t want to like TJ. He couldn’t like TJ. He didn’t want to be feeling all those butterflies and how his cheeks managed to feel hotter around him even though it was already 90 degrees outside. TJ was the human version of the sun to him, and it was getting harder to look at him. Cyrus couldn’t help but notice the few freckles that dotted his nose. Green was becoming a prettier color to him, and he didn’t want to know if it was because that was the color of TJ’s eyes. Their height difference was becoming a lot more noticeable to him, too. Thinking about their height difference killed him. It was when he wondered if he’d have to stand on his tippy toes to kiss him.

He would do absolutely anything to stop thinking about TJ.

Only it was getting harder.

It was kind of starting to hurt, too. It was the same longing he felt in his chest when he saw Jonah. His obstacle from being with Jonah was Andi and the probable fact that Jonah didn’t like boys. His obstacle with being TJ was simply that he didn’t like boys- making it easier to lose their friendship. If Jonah had found out, he was probably going to say “oh sorry” and then proceed to still be friends with him because of the Good Hair Crew.

If TJ found out, Cyrus had already built 22 different scenarios of it going horribly wrong. Only one of them included a “Sorry, Cyrus. I don’t like guys. But let’s still be friends.” Only, they didn’t ever speak again after that. Cyrus felt like he was driving himself mad thinking of it.

Cyrus made his way back into his room and threw himself at his bed. He hadn’t checked the time in a while, so he unplugged his phone from the charger on his bedside table. He let out a sigh as he realized it was 2:02AM. He felt curse. He had never stayed up for no reason, not even when he liked Iris or Jonah. If anything, he wanted to go to sleep to avoid the fact that he didn’t like kissing Iris as cool as she was. He wanted to fall asleep so that he could dream of another world where Jonah liked him.

But now all he could do is stay away and live in the world where TJ Kippen didn’t like him.

Cyrus shut his eyes once more, his phone gripped in his hand. He tried to fall asleep, and he knew it wasn't working. He slightly picked his head up and slammed it back down repeatedly on his pillow, hoping it'd be enough to take him out. It didn't work.

He began thinking about TJ again as he gave up and lay there. He thought about how he was actually putting in a lot more effort into his math. It made him smile.

Then he remembered.

Cyrus: Hey TJ r u awake?

In less than a minute, there was a response on his phone.

TJ: Yes but u shouldnt be

Cyrus: i can't sleep

TJ: why not?

Because of you!

Cyrus: honestly im not sure. i just have a lot of things running through my mind

You.

TJ: Do you want to talk about it?

Cyrus: I don't think so. I don't even know y i texted u in the first place tbh. sorry

TJ: youre good. i dont fall asleep until like 4am

Cyrus: oh man thats too late kgfdjgfdg

TJ: lmao i didnt think youd ever fall asleep past 10

Cyrus: i never do. i have a strict need for at least 7 hrs of sleep or ill die

TJ: looks like ur gonna die

Cyrus: please release a white dove at my funeral. make it two so it won't be lonely. Im being honest rn. im chugging a gallon of coffee tomorrow i swear. how do u do it everyday

TJ: I don't have a choice most of the time lmao. i just deal with it and let it slowly try to kill me

Cyrus: so u havent died bc you're a vampire?

TJ: u can say that. Hey can I call you instead? Im lazy

Cyrus: ye

“No,” Cyrus groaned. Hearing his voice was going to make everything feel worse. His phone started buzzing and he quickly answered it. He had never been happier about having soundproof walls. He didn’t want his parents asking what he was doing up so late talking to TJ.

“Hey,” TJ mumbled. Cyrus thought his sleepy voice was going to knock him out cold right then and right there.

“Hey, vampire,” Cyrus teased, making TJ chuckled in response.

“You sound awfully happy.”

“I’d be happier if I was asleep but I guess a late night conversation with my good pal TJ won’t kill me.”

“I’m starting to wonder if you really made up with Buffy,” TJ hummed. His voice was groggy yet Cyrus ate up every single one of his words. This was definitely a bad decision. “Did you?”

“I did,” Cyrus sighed. He was starting to wonder if he should tell him the real reason he couldn’t sleep. No. Then I’d have to tell him the idea of us liking each other is keeping me awake. But…. I don’t like him so it wouldn’t matter would it?

“We’re all cool right? I was wondering if she wanted to get her girl team to practice with mine.”

Cyrus grinned, “That’s actually be great. You should talk to her about it. I swear she’s not angry.”

“Why was she acting up with you then?”

“Stupid reasons. She admitted it herself. She’s scared of… something.”

“Buffy? Scared?” TJ scoffed. “Of what? Her reflection?” TJ paused and then said, “Sorry, that was mean.” Cyrus ended up laughing.

“No, it’s fine. She’s more worried you can say.”

“Of what?”

Of us falling in love, getting married, adopting kids, and living next door to her.

“Of us getting closer I guess.”

“So, she’s jealous?” TJ asked. Cyrus stopped himself for a moment. He hadn’t thought about it that way. He did make it clear he’d never pick anyone over her and Andi, though. He wouldn’t.

“Well we cleared it up, so I don’t think so.”

“Did she,” TJ hummed for a moment, “say anything else?” Cyrus raised an eyebrow. Did TJ know something else?

“Why are you asking?”

“Um…. Just curious.”

“You sure?”

“Well,” TJ added hesitantly. “I don’t know. I guess Amber and Buffy talked.”

“Buffy and Amber? Like my Buffy?”

“No, Buffy Summers. Yes, your Buffy,” TJ chuckled. “I guess that Amber showed her that photo where we both fell asleep and um,” TJ’s voice got lower, “I think that’s why she started acting up. Acting up is the right phrase to use but it’s 2AM. Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Cyrus barely managed to say. His heart was beating fast and he was filling up with dread. Did TJ know exactly what Buffy was thinking?

“But did she say anything weird?” TJ asked again. Cyrus realized there were only 22 ways this could go wrong, and then chances of triggering one wasn’t that high. He was also half asleep and his “fuck it” senses were quite activated.

“By weird do you mean her asking me a million times about the idea of us dating?” Cyrus quickly spit out, hoping TJ might miss the word ‘dating’. There was a moment of complete silence for almost twenty seconds. Cyrus palms were feeling sweaty, so he put his phone on speaker and lay it on the pillow next to him.

“Yeah, that,” TJ finally said. “I think it was because of Amber, to be honest.”

“I mean everything makes sense, now,” Cyrus replied. “I was getting worried about some dumb stuff. I think that’s why I couldn’t sleep.” He felt a lot more relieved. So he and TJ hasn’t done something that made it seem like they had “more than friends” intentions. It was just a conversation between Buffy and Amber that sparked something in Buffy.

“So you do know why you can’t sleep,” TJ told him, discarding the dating topic.

“Well, kind of. I mean Buffy and I actually fought over this. We never fight.”

“Just because her and Amber conspired that we liked each other?” TJ scoffed. “They do know that will never happen right?” Those words seemed to chew right through Cyrus’ heart strings.

“Yeah… yeah,” Cyrus cleared his throat. “I mean we fixed it. She realized she was being dumb. She admitted it, too.”

“Did she apologize?”

“No. I don’t expect her to. It’s Buffy.”

“It’s Buffy isn’t a good excuse, Underdog. If I drain the blood out of a kindergartner, nobody is going to say, ‘Well, it’s just TJ.’ Are they?”

“One, they’re totally different. Two, one of them is completely unrealistic.” He wished TJ wasn’t so blunt sometimes. It made him come face to face with the feelings and thoughts he always shoved in the back of his head.

“Buffy apologizing every once in a while shouldn’t be unrealistic.”

“Well,” Cyrus sighed. “I don’t feel like she owes me an apology, okay?”

“If you’re comfortable with lying to yourself, sure.”

“I’m so comfortable with lying to myself, I’d convince myself that I love myself.”

“Self-deprecating humor, huh. Nice”

“Thanks. It’s a specialty. My brain is full of it.”

“That’s nice. My brain is full of useless facts.”

“Like what?”

“Like a cat named Stubbs was the mayor of Alaska from 1997 until his death.

“TJ, I know I don’t cuss, but literally. What the fuck,” Cyrus softly chuckled, causing TJ to erupt with laughter. Cyrus rarely heard TJ laugh like this, but it was music to his ears. He really did hate the way TJ made him feel like he was floating on the clouds. He was starting to get sleepy now.

“I can’t remember how to do long division, but I honestly can remember the dumbest things,” TJ said, starting to mumble again. “Hey, Underdog. Have you started reading The Giver yet?”

“No,” Cyrus yawned. “We don’t need to be up to chapter five until Friday.”

“Want me to read it to you until you fall asleep? You sound like you’re going to pass out any minute now.”

“But then I won’t remember where I was before I fell asleep,” Cyrus moaned.

“Don’t argue. I’m already getting my book,” TJ told him. Cyrus could hear TJ shuffling around the bedroom. “Alright. Chapter one…” TJ read to him for what felt twenty minutes before he couldn’t remember anything but the lightness of dream.

-

And now the purple dusk of twilight time

Steals across the meadows of my heart

TJ was in the middle of chapter two when he heard light snoring. He smiled and whispered, “Goodnight, Underdog.” He hung up the phone and set the book back inside of his backpack before shutting off the lights. He went back under his covers and checked his phone for the time. It was 3AM, and he could hear the distant yet familiar arguing from downstairs. He had blocked it out for almost an hour thanks to Cyrus and Lois Lowry. TJ put the sides of the pillows to cover his ears and closed his eyes.

He knew time had passed when his eyes blasted open at the sound of a door slamming shut. The front door downstairs. He then registered the soft crying. Amber’s crying. He sat straight up and saw that Amber was at the end of his bed, her back against the wall.

“Amber?” TJ rubbed his eyes. “What’s going on?”

“Dad left,” she whispered. TJ stopped moving. Was he hearing wrong?

High up in the sky the little stars climb

Always reminding me that we're apart

You wander down the lane and far away

Leaving me a song that will not die

“What?”

“Dad left. I heard them fighting in the bedroom like twenty minutes ago and he was packing his stuff,” she covered her face as she started to bawl. TJ lowered his hand and crawled over and put his arm around her. Amber shared a wall with their parents. TJ at least had the guest room in between which spared him a lot. Amber had always had it the worst.

“He’ll come back,” TJ whispered, his eyes starting to burn with tears. “He’ll come back.” Amber kept crying, her sobs eventually turning into wails. All TJ could do was sit there and hug her. He hadn’t even checked what time it was. He didn’t know if Amber had fallen asleep. It was getting hazy and everything felt a million times heavier. Amber’s sobs would die down and then increase suddenly, and he failed at trying not to cry. The only thing he heard was crying and the cars that would pass by in the streets. There was a ghostly silence emitting from the entire house. “He has to come back.”

Amber fell asleep after a long while, but TJ stayed wide awake. He gently laid her down before positioning himself next to his window. He was sitting with his back flat on his poster-covered wall, his eyes switching between watching Amber sleep and staring at the photos on his ceiling. He couldn’t really see them. It was still dark outside, and he didn’t know what he was waiting for. As soon as the sun beams started burst through the window and hit his bedsheets, he knew. He reached out a hand and let the light beam of sunshine hit his hand. There were striped shadows from the blinds wrapping around his skin. He let out a half-smile before closing his eyes. Everything will work out the way it’s meant to be he told himself. His GG always said that the rising sun meant a new era. He knew he wasn’t lying because the day he died, the sunrise turned the skies orange. It was his GG’s favorite color.

The music of the years gone by.

Sometimes I wonder, how I spend

The lonely nights

Dreaming of a song

The melody

Haunts my reverie

And I am once again with you

TJ laid down next to Amber and closed his eyes, almost immediately falling asleep. It didn’t feel like he had slept for more than a few minutes, but it was 6:30AM when he woke up to Amber turning off his alarm clock. He hadn’t even covered himself with the blankets, and he was cold. Amber stood up with her hands wrapped around herself as she shivered.

“Get ready, okay?” she told him, her teeth chattering. She looked horrible, and TJ knew he did, too. He simply nodded his head, and she made her way out of his room. He didn’t want to get up. He was exhausted and drained. It was a different type of tired where everything felt heavy and his throat felt dry. His eyes hurt every time he blinked. He had no idea how he was going to make it through the entire day. He still had work that afternoon, and he definitely could not skip right now.

He stood up anyways and got dressed. He went out into the hall and heard the sink running in the restroom. Amber was going to be a while. He went back into his room and got his hair gel from his bag and started doing his hair in there to get that over with. When he was done, he heard his phone vibrate. He reached over and smiled when he saw who it was from.

Cyrus: Good morning. I’m dead.

TJ: God I wish I were you right now

Cyrus: What time did u fall asleep??? I don’t even remember falling asleep.

TJ: u knocked out like at 3.

Cyrus: how much sleep did you get

TJ: idk like 2

Cyrus: 2 what? Hours

TJ: minutes

Cyrus: tj omg. Minutes?!!!!!

TJ: okay maybe like an hour or 2 I don’t really know.

TJ hesitated before sending the next text.

TJ: everything just sucks right now

Cyrus: hey I’m here if you need anything okay? We can talk about it over baby tators after tutoring if you’d like. My treat this time.

TJ: can’t. I have work.

Cyrus: I’ll walk you to work then. Sound good?

TJ: sounds perfect :^)

Cyrus: :o)

TJ heard the restroom door open, and he walked out to finish getting ready. Amber saw the smile on his face and raised an eyebrow, “Cyrus.” TJ shrugged, the smile not faltering. “Goofy boys,” Amber shook her head with a grin and walked back into her room.

When TJ finished getting ready, he walked down stairs to find Amber making them breakfast. He had heard their mom shuffling around in the master bedroom, so he knew she wasn’t downstairs.

“Eat up,” Amber told him as he sat down. “It’s almost seven, and I’m pretty sure we’re walking.” TJ didn’t say anything and gratefully ate the breakfast. They both ate in silence. TJ realized Amber didn’t have any makeup on and her hair was in a ponytail. He had seen himself in the mirror minutes ago, and he knew he didn’t exactly look like Prince Charming either.

They both turned to the kitchen doorway when their mom walked inside. She was still in her work uniform, and her hair was in a bun that was fall apart. Her eyes and nose were extremely red.

“I made breakfast,” Amber told her, not looking at her for longer than a second. TJ just saw her nod her head before walking to the coffee machine.

“You kids don’t have to go to school today,” she told them, her voice quiet yet rough. “I’ll call in.”

“I have to turn in an essay,” Amber quickly responded.

“Yeah,” TJ momentarily added, “I have tutoring after school.”

“Tutoring?” their mom turned to look at him. TJ sunk back a little in his seat. They had been told about his dyscalculia, but it was something they haven’t talked about in a while.

“Yeah,” TJ bit his lip. “I have it for math with a friend and Mrs. Pierson.” She simply nodded her head and went back to paying attention to the coffee machine. They were silent for the next few minutes as Amber and TJ kept eating, the clinking of dishes filling the air. Their mom watched them carefully as she drank her coffee. TJ checked his phone and told them, “I better get going.” He collected his and Amber’s dishes and placed them in the sink.

“I’ll wash them after I drop you kids off,” their mom putting her coffee on the counter. “Let me go get the keys.”

“We can walk if you want,” Amber told her delicately. She hadn’t taken them to school in ages. They called it an unnecessary waste of gas most of the time.

“No,” she shook her head. “I want to. At least today.” Neither TJ or Amber pressed the matter and just went to wait by the door. Amber’s eyes were already tearing up as they got to the door. TJ gave her a weak reassuring and smile which caused Amber to rub her eyes in an attempt of disguise. When the heard the keys rattling, Amber turned to their mom and said, “I have English second period. I might text you to pick me up.”

“I’ll be by my phone,” she said as they all walked out to the family car. TJ sat in the back seat and waited for the car to start moving. He felt ice cold even though fall had barely crept in, and it was making him want to sleep. He started considering skipping school. Mrs. Pierson would understand. Cyrus would, too. “Hey, um,” their mom gently said. “I just want you kids to know that I already talked to my boss. I’m getting shifts as I need them. I’m going to be responsible now, I swear. Nana and I talked. She’ll be on call if any of you two need anything, and I’m at work.” TJ knew Amber was crying again. It made him feel worse hearing her cry. Their mom started choking up, “Hey, I love you kids, okay? I’ve been a shitty mom lately, but we’ll get through this even if it’s just the three of us. I swear.”

He has to come back. He has to come back.

-

TJ was early to school; not a lot of kids had gotten dropped off. He walked into the cafeteria and got in line (it was only two kids in front of him). He was full already, but he eyed the chocolate chocolate chip muffins. He grabbed one and went back outside to sit at a picnic bench. He pulled out his phone and realized he already had a text from Cyrus.

Cyrus: hey I need to see you before class starts

TJ: im already at school sooo

Cyrus: im almost there. Where are u?

TJ: Benches by the cafeteria

TJ didn’t bother waiting for a response. He rested his head on his propped up arm and started closing his eyes. His eyelids felt so stiff, and he if tired had a taste, it was whatever parched feeling he had in his throat.

“Good morning!” Cyrus enthusiastically said, causing TJ to jump up startled.

“Hey!” TJ yelped. He quickly turned around to see if anyone had seen, but it was just kids minding their own business and Cyrus laughing. TJ smirked at Cyrus, “Proud that you scared the shit out of me?”

“Kind of, yes,” Cyrus grinned. He had two coffee shop drinks in his hands and one was half-way done. TJ assumed that’s where he got his energy. “Here,” Cyrus set the coffee in front of TJ. “I don’t know if you drink coffee, but I know you need it.”

“I’m usually an energy drink guy, but I tend to not splurge on them. Sleep is free energy,” TJ said and picked up the coffee. He studied the see-thru plastic carefully. He rarely got anything from the coffee shop. He didn’t know how to order it. Why couldn’t the sizes just be small, medium, and large?

“You’re not getting any sleep, and TJ, I mean this in the nicest way possible. You look exhausted. I’m so glad I chose today to get you this,” Cyrus gave TJ an apologetic look. TJ was half-asleep, so he just stared at Cyrus’ lips for a few seconds too long before remembering he was in a conversation.

“Uh, yeah,” TJ blinked furiously and set the coffee down, “thank you by the way. I owe you one.”

“No, you don’t,” Cyrus shook his head. TJ took a sip from the straw and immediately made a sour face.

“What is this, Underdog?” TJ smacked his lips a few times. It was super sweet at first, but he liked the aftertaste. He started drinking it again.

“I call it liquid cocaine. It’s 4 shots of expresso, and 4 pumps of white chocolate syrup over ice in a cold cup.”

“Sounds unhealthy.”

“You sleeping habits are unhealthy, TJ. You need to get more sleep.”

“Sounds fake.”

“TJ!” Cyrus whined.

“Fine, fine,” TJ rubbed his eyes. “I’ll take sleeping syrup or something.”

“Don’t abuse that stuff, though.”

“Do you want me to sleep or not?” TJ smiled, causing Cyrus to shrug.

“I guess,” Cyrus sighed. TJ felt nice for a change. Every time he realized Cyrus cared about him, it made everything feel better. Even if everything was a complete shit pile. “Hey we have time to talk if you want to tell me what’s wrong. Or we can wait until after school. If we don’t crash.” TJ looked around and bit his lip. If he didn’t make it to the end of the school day, it wasn’t going to be because of a caffeine crash. He was pretty good at hiding any emotional distress in person, but he didn’t know how long he’d be able to hold this in.

“I’ll just um…,” TJ bit his lip harder.

“We’ll talk after school,” Cyrus reached his hand across the table and squeezed TJ’s free hand. TJ felt himself turning red, but he didn’t reach out to cover his nose. He put the coffee down and set the abandoned muffin right in front of Cyrus.

“It’s for you.”

The nightingale

Tells his fairytale

Of paradise, where roses grew

Though I dream in vain

In my heart it will remain

My stardust melody

The memory of love's refrain.

Next Chapter

A/N: Thank you for reading! Here’s those who asked to be tagged :) If you want to be added or removed from this list, just let me know! Also if I forget you I swear it wasn’t on purpose. I skip over things in my head sometimes.

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