#bewilderemoth

[naivesilver]

you know what? Whilst we're on the topic of less likeable pinocchio characters, how about top 5 adaptations of Geppetto as well?

God we're really wading into controversial waters now aren't we

Thank you! I promise less salt in this than what I poured in the Fairy ask (as if it were hard to avoid reaching such a point, the only thing saltier than that answer was probably the Dead Sea)

Ask me my top 5 anything

So the thing with Geppetto is that I don't...necessarily hate him, per se. I still think he'll be responsible for a good chunk of Pinocchio's childhood trauma in the years to come, but his mistakes are at least understandable and human, not necessarily brought by malice. In the hands of the right actor (and the right director, obviously) he can become a great asset to the story, so this list is, for once, not very snarky and actually kind of emotional in some sections.

1)Pinocchio (2019)

Please...he's trying so hard...This Geppetto isn't any more ready to have a son than his book counterpart is, but his reaction to it is so sweet I can forgive the more romanticized parts of those scenes. Roberto Benigni truly nailed the "I'm trying to be stern but I can't physically say no to this boy" facial expressions.

He's doing his best, okay? He stayed around to check if Pinocchio had gone to school! He was so happy! I'm still crying about him going up to Cherry like "say good morning Pinocchio" and Pinocchio being the sweetest little bastard with his "good morning :D". This movie deserved way more Oscars than it was nominated for, I said what I said.

2) Le Avventure di Pinocchio (1972)

On the other side of the spectrum we have...this sassy fucker.

God, I love him. Nino Manfredi really shows us a side of this man that I'd like to see more often. He's pissed off, constantly and arguably rightfully so, and the fact that he loves his son to bits doesn't mean he wasn't done with parenting from minute one of having to feed and educate that child. Have you ever tried to put clothes on a kid that's opposing you at every move? Because I have, and it's exactly as hard as it's depicted here!

Also, there is only one way to correctly portray Master Cherry, and it's by showing the snarky, bothersome kind of friendship he has with Geppetto. The 2009 miniseries tried, but they botched it up after a while: this one, instead, gives the exact vibes I was looking for, which is "Laurel and Hardy meets Estragon and Vladimir meets old married couple in a 90s sitcom". 10/10 would watch on an insomnia night again.

(Also it took me a trip to the kitchen mid-making this post to remember that he canonically banged the Fairy pre-fairydom. Jesus Christ. A man ahead of his time.)

3) Once Upon A Time

How hilarious is it that both Blue and Archie landed themselves a spot in my "worst 5 of their kind" rankings, but this man gets so high a rating instead? The magic of OUAT, indeed.

Listen. I know. He helped ruin Emma's life. I am painfully aware of it. But get this...Who's doing it like him? This show is all about the doings and undoings of princesses and queens and wizards and ice cream sellers with Medea syndrome, and then in comes this man, a no name, really, who puts his foot down and says no. He changes the course of history for his son. All my criticisms on his character get blown away every time I remember the guts it must have taken, and besides, some of them don't even exist in this version, as it shows exactly what kind of hypocrisy is innate to the adults in Pinocchio's story.

Also, never forget that he tried to unclog a mine shaft by dropping dynamite in it while his best friend and a ten year old were STILL IN THERE. Truly the best decision a character ever made in seven seasons of this fuckery.

4) Pinocchio (2012)

Perpetually lost in a state of daydreaming, just like his son, but very, very kind and sweet. Took the time to explain to Pinocchio what a school was and what would be expected of him, and we even get an hint of his past and of his experience as a child as well as a father.

Also, the true reason why I put him in here - did you know that in the Italian version he and Pinocchio are dubbed by a father and son duo? I tear up a bit every time I get reminded of that. This poor inconsolable boy is calling for his papa both in real life and in the cinematic immersion.

5) Piccolino No Bouken

He's only in this list because I pity him immensely. One of the very few not to commit the sin of immediately sending his son to school, instead keeping the boy around for a while, taking care of him and showing him how the world worked, and for what? The Fairy, may she bump facefirst against a cactus, gaslit gatekept girlbossed her way into his and Pinocchio's life and ruined it from start to finish. Pure evil, I'll tell you that.

Also he's so lost and frail I can't rage against him properly without feeling guilty. Like we say here, it'd be like shooting at the Red Cross.

[naivesilver]

top 5 adaptations of the Fairy from Pinocchio? (or maybe top 5 best AND 5 worst?)

I spent so long staring at this and wondering if I even KNEW five good Fairies, but it turns out I do, albeit mostly for asinine reasons. Anyway AHFAKKJKFHAHJKJA thank you <3

Ask me my top 5 anything

Obviously under the cut because I couldn't resist and did BOTH

The salt AKA the worst of the worst first:

1) Piccolino No Bouken

Surprised? I suppose most would have expected me to put the Disney Fairy first, and I did, too, for a while, but as I was sitting in my car pondering this ranking I realized I was SEETHING with rage about this one, so I had to rearrange things a bit. This, guys, is where my Fairy hate begins - not the book, not the Mouse's interference. This woman.

I hate her. I hate her SO MUCH, for all that I love this adaptation more than most things in the world, and that the choices made about her characterization were a huge inspiration for me. Not only does she not send Pinocchio to school, instead teaching him on her own, she is the only one to actively keep Pinocchio from his father - indeed, she makes the choice for them, saying to Geppetto's face that it would be best for the boy to be taught something before he goes back home. Who the hell are you to make this call, uh? You have known him for a day at most! You left him hanging from a fucking tree all night! I wouldn't trust you with a bloody lapdog, nevermind a child!

Also she lets Pinocchio believe she's dead UNTIL THE VERY END. She turns into a bird while he cries at her tomb. Are we fucking serious now? Leave him alone.

(Yes, this is elementary school me howling for revenge. I've been mad about this longer than reason would let me. Sue me.)

2) Disney's Pinocchio

Bane of my existence. I don't know if anyone remembers that pic of me at the Pinocchio theme park I posted a while ago, but basically in that moment they were putting up a little show to tell children a little bit of the OG story, and they asked the audience if they knew what color the Fairy's hair was - a few said blonde, and I, being on stage next to her, distinctly heard her mutter "dammit, Disney". I've been living with that mantra since then.

Nobody asked you to make that puppet sentient, ma'am. He doesn't owe you shit. Aside from that, just like Jiminy Cricket, she ruined her character in a good two thirds of future adaptation. And while we're speaking of Jiminy, WHY did she think it would be a good idea to entrust a little boy to a slime ball such as him? He's too horny to have an ounce of sense. Conscience, my ass.

Basically...begone, asshole.

3) Pinocchio and the Emperor of the Night

This film is so horrible, the Fairy had no chance to be decent at all. A cheap copy of the Disney one, with the addendum that she turns MULTIPLE toys into living beings while holding them responsible for whatever they do after. Basically Victor Frankenstein, but make it a poorly dressed woman from a direct-to-TV movie that shouldn't have existed at all.

-100/10, at least you're pretty, but by God, SHUT UP.

4) Once Upon a Time

Honest to God if she doesn't keep her filthy hands off my faves she's gonna get a slap across the face so strong her Wish Realm self ought to feel it sting. I am not exaggerating.

Seven seasons in, she hasn't done ANYTHING useful that I can remember. She's not even good at her own fucking job! Not only that, she's traumatized and guilt-tripped a good chunk of the population of Storybrooke, including first and foremost my beloved son August. The Pavlovian reaction I had every time she appeared on screen can't be described in coherent words, only in eagle screeches.

She's wrong. On principle, she's wrong. Let's move on.

5) Luigi Comencini's Le Avventure di Pinocchio

Doesn't rank higher only because she's played by Gina Lollobrigida (my beloved). She's book accurate, which means she'd be annoying as fuck as it is, but what little they added only makes her worse.

She has the gall to tell Pinocchio she'd like to see him happier. Like, apart from the fact that the ghost of his father's deceased wife isn't exactly the most reassuring person to hear it from...Said father has been swallowed by a giant fish. You told that boy he's only going to see his father if he studies hard. You keep turning him into a puppet anytime he misbehaves. What did you expect, that he would do the Macarena every time he entered your house? I am honestly too shocked to say any more. What the fuck.

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Okay, I've been enraged enough for a single night. Let's move onto brighter shores!

1) Enzo D'Alò's Pinocchio

Enzo D'Alò knows what the fuck is UP!!! The only one with the courage to let the Fairy be a weird little girl - not only for a short time, but up until the end of the movie! That takes guts! Balls of steel!

I've said before that this movie has nothing memorable to it, and it's true, but also...Pinocchio wanted a sister so bad, and the movie gave him one. And they even explained the plot hole of the medallion with Pinocchio's face in it! That's twice as good as the fact that they cut out the most awful parts of her story, which is already delightful.

Thank you, Mr D'Alò. You have my trust until the end of days.

2) The Adventures of Buratino

Speaking of weird girls, this one is officially balls to the walls enough to gain my respect. She's bothersome to Pinocchio, but she's bothersome to everyone and everything, so I'll let it pass. Her role is exclusively to appear out of nowhere and do batshit insane stuff for no good reason at all. A star.

Plus, other than having an handwashing obsession that I've felt very keenly in the past year and a half, she also has a boyfriend - her and Pierrot are the original girlboss and malewife, I'm not accepting any criticism on the matter.

(Fun fact: when I was a young kid I once dreamt that the Piccolino No Bouken Fairy was dating a big, buff and blonde farmhand. He wooed her by gifting Pinocchio a dog. Apparently I've always been very interested in Fairies getting a love life and staying the fuck away from my specialest little boy.)

3) Pinocchio miniseries

"Serena, but you said you were disappointed in this adaptation so many times!" True. But consider: I am also very, very queer, and Violante Placido being motherly and wearing wispy dresses stirred SOMETHING in 11yo me that I can't very well ignore.

In hindsight, she and the Cricket probably had something going on behind the scenes, which is a shame. Miss Fairy, I swear, you could do better than Luciana Littizzetto in an ill-fitting green suit. She's gonna break your heart and lose your puppet charge in a crowd of little idiots. Do me instead.

4) Pinocchio Vampire Slayer

This woman kills monsters - and she's damn good at it! Honestly, so badass, and such a good mother figure too, even in trying times. I don't want to spoil the comic much to those who haven't read it, but she and Cherry are the highlight of the first volume and I am very fond of them. A+.

5) Matteo Garrone's Pinocchio

This one's book accurate, too, but Garrone did something with her that almost burst in tears in a crowded theater. She's awful, and irritating, but she's...she's so human, too. I can't rage against a Fairy that's so impossibly human even during the smallest of scenes. It breaks me over and over again.

Look at her SMILING, for pity's sake, am I supposed to think there's some warmth in the dead lady? Fuck you, Matteo, what did you do to me? I am an honored Fairy hater. You're going to ruin my reputation if you keep this up.

[naivesilver]

🎁 (i will ask for the obvious character) Pinocchio (and I will also ask for the very currently relevant character) Lampwick

AJAHSKHSJSJDKDJDJJDDJ ngl I'd hoped for this kind of response, though not to so vast a scale

Send me 🎁 and a character and I'll describe them using images I already have saved 

You like winning easy, as we say here, because if there's ONE thing I have in abundance is bizarre pictures regarding these two assholes

Pinocchio:

(I'm a failure, in that I always succeed)

Lampwick:

And of course, together:

("Hurry up to Bamba Hill, then! Fethry will show you the way." "Do you know the way, Fethry?" "No! ")

[naivesilver]

oh! 🏅 🌝💻 and also 🖊 for the fic asks <3

You're a menace, you 💖💖💖 thank you so much dear

Fanfic Ask Game

🏅 What is something you recently felt proud of in regard to your writing?

So I've mentioned it in passing a few times, but this time last year I was right at the beginning of one of the biggest downward curves in my writing life. It was a poor mixture of struggling to complete a fic I'd put great expectations on and terrible mental health episodes hitting me while I wasn't looking, and it affected the way I wrote, read, engaged with other people's content (because I felt guilty that they were creating and I wasn't), and it took me literal months to get out of that spiral. I probably wouldn't even have, if it hadn't been for freenklin's help.

I felt the same shit tugging at the back of my brain recently. And you know what? It sucked, but I was able to say no siree. I'll write what makes me happy, at a pace that suits my needs and enjoyment, and it doesn't matter if I don't complete something in time for an imaginary schedule, or if someone gets to the same idea before I do because I was too busy to finish my own fic. This is supposed to be something that I do for fun, and I'm not letting jealousy, worry and obsessive need for attention take it from me again. Back off, intrusive thoughts.

🌝 Who is one character you haven’t yet written for that you would like to?

Eugene

Aajhfjkhsfjhjkhafajh no okay, I'd love to do some book!Geppetto focused work in the future, since he's often sidelined by more charismatic character in every fic I write. And if I ever break out of this Pinocchio focused phase...maybe take a shot at some less known Sonic ladies? Perhaps Belle or Hope Kintobor? Perhaps both? I love them too much and I want more content about them, sorry.

💻 Do you do research for your fics? What’s the deepest dive you’ve done?

I do lots of research, mostly for my own peace of my mind, because there are times where I can't even daydream about a fic properly if I'm missing some detail that seems crucial at the time. But more often than not it's devoted to very specific parts of the story, ie timelines or character ages, while I wing the the rest for the fun of it.

I don't know if I've taken SUCH deep dives, tbh. I've done some very dumb ones, though, like the time I spent an hour researching female martyrs for a throwaway line in a Good Omens fic that was never finished, or the day I looked up foster care regulations only to have fostering suggestions in every ad for the following six months. My search history is all over the place when I'm writing, but as I haven't written gore or lemony stuff in years, it'd probably look kinda amateurish compared to many other people's.

🖊 Post a snippet from a current WIP.

If you know, you know.

He was staring at Pinocchio in puzzled wonder, his mouth twisted in thought as he gave the younger boy a critical once over. “Well, you’re all in one piece, at least,” he said after a moment. There was an odd lilt to his voice as he spoke, a sharp, rough accent that Pinocchio couldn’t quite place – it wasn’t unpleasant, not by a long stretch, but it was a little strange, unlike anything he could remember ever hearing before.

[naivesilver]

oh also, August Wayne Booth. 🎁 (Because who would I be if I didn't ask specifically about him?)

LISTEN I'D BE VERY SAD IF YOU DIDN'T ASK ABOUT HIM he's my most specialest boy

Send me 🎁 and a character and I'll describe them using images I already have saved 

[naivesilver]

💛 uwu

NO YOU

[naivesilver]

also, also,, The Blue Fairy ;^) (any specific adaptation you like, or just her character in general)

Be thankful that I cherish our friendship VERY much.

Akjskskskdkdk thanks ❤ my detested

Send me 🎁 and a character and I'll describe them using images I already have saved 

(Yes, that's me as a beb playing the Blue Fairy at the Pinocchio theme park. Mistakes made in youth don't count.)

[naivesilver]

6, 10, 17 and 20 ;^)

AAAAAH thank you my friend 💗💗💗💗💗

Meta Asks For Writers

6. What character do you have the most fun writing?

Gonna be really predictable for a sec and say Lampwick. Not only because he is such the bare bones of a character that one can build off him to their heart's delight and not be afraid of contradicting the text, but also there is such an innate irreverence to him that it's almost mandatory of him to give scathing opinions about anything and anyone. Compared to say, Pinocchio, who in any universe's post-canon content I headcanon to be more guarded and more prone to sugarcoat the narrative even to himself, Lampwick demonstrates right away that he doesn't give a shit, so his stream of consciousness MUST be the stuff of legends. It's very entertaining to play around with insults and nicknames and also to rebrand past events to suit his personal view on them.

10. How would you describe your writing process?

Both extremely chaotic and terribly rigid all at once? LMAO the thing is, most story ideas spark as a single scene or cluster of scenes from my daydreams (the best ones, as I've said often, always come mid-practice session) that I feel the need to describe through specific words and let out into the world, so it could literally be ANYTHING and come out of ANYWHERE. I have been inspired by stuff ranging from my sister showering with her child to herding my teammates around a ship to bloody Spotify shuffle, and you'd never guess which ones of these ideas became angst-riddled fics and which turned into crack instead.

But as soon as I open the Word document, then I become neurotic. I have mad respect for those people who can write shit out of order, because I could NEVER. Scenes must be written from start to finish, and even editing starting from the bottom up is something I still struggle with. It breaks the creative flow or whatever, I have given up on making sense of my brain. If there's a scene I like less, then I force myself to power through it to get to the good stuff, otherwise I know I'll never write it at all.

17. Do you think readers perceive your work - or you - differently to you? What do you think would surprise your readers about your writing or your motivations?

I'm not sure actually??? I don't really know what transpires from my work, tbh. Probably a cockier, more melodramatic person than I am in real life, which is valid considering what I write, but doesn't reflect just how anxious I am about my writing.

I think what doesn't always reach the reader is that when I write, sometimes I black out for my own good AND theirs. There are times where I know that if I try to edit a passage any further, I will begin hating the whole work and maybe elect to toss it away, so a less polished scene to me seems a small price to pay for saving an entire fic. I can always go back and fix mistakes later, but last year it took me months to get back on track after my little perfectionist crisis, and I'm not going there again, thank you very much. That's why I only ask for typo alerts at the very end of the notes every time.

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

OKAY THIS IS ONE I WAS REALLY EAGER TO RECEIVE so I have a couple different things I want to share that I hope won't sound too stupid

in my OUAT fics I always take particular care of how characters refer to each other and/or the entire matter of names. In a world where separate names address separate identities all within the same person, the way two people call one another is fundamental when it comes to expressing their personalities and relationship. Like, take Marco, for example - in the show Snow calls him Marco and he likely refers to himself as Marco, because that's who he's been for them for 28 years, but I'll never make August/Pinocchio refer to him as anything but Geppetto, because for his son he's never been anything else. Similarly, characters' feelings about their curse names are taken into account for this: so in my Thousand Problems verse (the cursed!Pinocchio AU) Pinocchio is only ever called such by everyone except Lampwick, because he has bad, triggering memories about being Giuseppe, and Leroy goes by Leroy even if his gf would rather be called Nova because in Storybrooke being Leroy means more than being Grumpy. I hope it makes sense?

this is way more niche, but there is a sort of recurring theme in all my Pinocchio-related stories regarding Pinocchio himself and leadership/kingship. Not only because in the book he has this magnetic personality that attracts both respect and betrayal and turns him into the center of every plot event, but also because the book itself begins denying the presence of a king - there's no king, to the readers' dismay, only a piece of wood. I have read so much meta about this that I WISH had been translated in English because it still makes me scream and I'd love to share it with everyone. So even if it's not always intentional, the symbolism around this juxtaposition has become sort of a background activity for me - the harvest crown scene of Two Stars is a nod to this, as is Lampwick kneeling in the AU where he survives and the Fairy's desired endgame in the fic I devoted to her. There'll be probably more in the future, but I don't want to spoil it or jinx my ability to finish it jskhfafjhjl