#ill freeze up
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i can't even b joyful for a new year because i immediately have 2 appointments o(-< im just Scared
#one of which is Finally going back 2 therapy#the other is the doctor appointment i have go to so they wont cut off my meds#but i . am So Scared. i havent been since the last cluster of like 4-5 which where the only doctor appoints i had gone to since i was a kid#n even then i think i have like#15 at most LMAO#i just dont b doin that and i am Afraid#its been so long since ive been to therapy ive regressed so much im also terrified of that#having to sit down in front of someone n talk for an hour#i probably wont be able to#ill freeze up#n then feel guilty for wasting the time(money)
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idie headshot + movement sketches!!
#idie kinda serves precise and powerful to me so i wanted to get that in how she moves#and from that i was like “what if she moved like a figure skater” so i kinda went with that#and a kinda assasin-y pose on top#ill do more laterr#im kinda ass at anatomy and dynamic poses#but this is good practice#also also i thought she could use her heat movement stuff to freeze up water vapor in the air and form stuff out of it#and then use the heat to flame up her other hand#i based her makeup on mel madarda from arcane super heavily but i'll make it more unique in future art#and for the hair i was thinking what if the different streaks look like their corresponding power so ye fire and ice hair wooo#i'll do one for quentin soon too#idie okonkwo#oya#temper#x men#x men fanart#comics#marvel comics#digital art#art#concept art#sketches#doodles#artists on tumblr
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"Are you such a small man?"
#kamen rider kabuto#kamen rider gatack#kamen rider#tendo soji#soji tendo#tendou souji#souji tendou#kagami arata#arata kagami#userdramas#umbrella.gifs#tokuedit#please do not repost#umbrella.edits#umbrella.posts#translation: earthly subs#subtitles added by me#i'm just a bit ill about them#tendou has an undeniable strength that kagami really admires and he's not going to let tendou throw that away#certainly not after tendou has told him time and time again of his strength#not after he's witnessed what he's capable of and not after he said he'd protect any life forms on earth#tendou was chosen by kabuto for a reason and hell will freeze over before kagami let's tendou give up
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i love to cook and i love food! i love cooking and i love eating! i love making food and then eating it! wait what do you mean i have to do this three times a day every day for my entire life and also dishes and grocery shopping and
#brought to you by i do genuinely really enjoy cooking but once ive cooked im like. ok im done now right. right#i made up a banger dish cobbled together from eight different recipes blogs that's healthy filling and satisfies my pickiness#what do you mean i now i have to figure out what to cook and eat AGAIN three hours later#also every recipe is written for like. feeding a table. what if im 23 and just feeding my own singular self#i made a really tasty kabocha squash gratin a couple weeks ago and the first two nights it was good#but by night three or four of kabocha squash gratin i was ill just looking at it and there was still an entire casserole dish of it left#and dont tell me to freeze things. the freezer is way full and it is also the place where food goes to get forgotten about#until the end of time or until its freezer burnt or until i get tired of playing jenga and just start tossing things#also you go grocery shopping you get healthy stuff like vegetables and then you make your meal and then you have to do it again#but by the end of week 2 your vegetables are bad. so now you're eating tuna rice again. or frozen broccoli in mac n cheese
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your yan!noritoshi is so wisnwonwpwjw RAAAHHHH going absolutely feral ... i want him . ive had so many thoughts abt him as like a yandere n then i saw your art n absolutely lost it /pos
IM ALL EARS, BABY!!!!!!!!!!!
GOD FUCK OKAY, HOLD ON, I ALSO HAVE SOME RAMBLES AND THOUGHTS ABOUT YANDERE NORITOSHI BUT IM GOING TO PUT THEM UNDER THE CUT.
I AM IN NO WAY RESPONSIBLE FOR UNLEASHING MY TJOUGHTS OFFICER. IT WAS MY GLORIOUS CULT MEMBER RIGHT HERE.
MERRY OCTOBER YALL
[disclaimer: im not a writer, but I want to get better. think of this as my practice. it ended up being so fucking long, but i swear it's just rambles, not a fic]
[warning for blood under the cut? keep that in mind for future posts]
OKAY LETS GO.
Bro ok so. if I'm not too delusional (yet) and don’t see him as a yandere, then this guy (Noritoshi) is still a strict fuck. he'd put you on the same level of importance as his clan if not a bit higher. but only by a bit. Your relationship would gradually bloom into something meaningful to him that he’d cherish you wholeheartedly. Only then would you grow in importance to Noritoshi significantly. He'd keep his resolve and all those healthy green flags. Because honestly? Noritoshi is just a green flag, he's so sweet..
But let's twist that into a yandere setting. I don't even need to twist too much, Noritoshi as a yandere is way too fitting.
Noritoshi was abandoned by his mother as a child, thereby fueling his lifelong goals to do as she said and bring her back. He didn't even think on his own accord, nor did he try to find a different way, or even follow her! He accepted his fate and made it his mission to accomplish the goal he was given. Despite the intense pressure of his worth being determined by an ability he was born with and the high expectations from the Kamo clan, he perseveres. That is until [spoilers] Noritoshi is exiled by his clan because of some Kenajku shit. All his hard work and future goals were ripped away from him without a second thought in an instant. Noritoshi was always the second thought time and time again, and now left as a man with nothing but the failure of his desired future.
That wasn't even the yandere part, that was all canon, what the fuck.
Yandere Noritoshi is the type to cling to scraps... He reminds me of an obsessive and protective yandere. obsessive about you because you become his everything.. his goal, his will to keep going, the light at the end of the tunnel. he wants all of you, from the best parts of you to your worst. He's also protective, because he cant handle losing yet another person so important to him. He'd rather tear himself apart than lose you.
He also seems mostly self-aware but can overthink to the point of delusion. For example, you pat him on the back and tell him he did a great job on something. He knows it's nothing to dwell on, but why does he feel like there's more to your words? Should he read in between the lines? but there's only one line! From then on, his mind would reel until he landed on a favorable conclusion. You meant that he was the only one who did great. The others paled in comparison in your eyes therefore you must favor Noritoshi in some way.. right?
Since Noritoshi was pretty deprived of any emotional support, you won't even have to try too hard to get his heart thumping. If you were to give him even just a bit more attention and care than the average person, like making sure he's eating alright or remarking that he's paler than usual after restocking his blood bags, he's hooked. He's self-aware enough to realize his blooming fondness for you is one-sided, so he simply admires you. that is, at the start. Note that Noritoshi is still new to these feelings so he's.. awkward. It's really cute.
Though these moments were cute to you, they slowly became horribly blissful to Noritoshi. Poor you, completely unaware of how you're slowly corrupting him in, what he thinks, is the best way possible just by giving him your attention. He thinks you're the last and only person still believing in him, so much so that everything and everyone else slowly becomes minuscule in the grand seam of things. He feels happy around you, like he matters, like he has someone to trust, like he has someone who won't abandon him. Because of this, he sees you as a new goal. A new hope. Failing you is not an option. Disappointing you is not an option. Hell, even a frown from you is unacceptable in his eyes.
Noritoshi tries to cling to you at this point in his own way... He enjoys it when you speak to him, or even sit next to him, so much so that he seeks you out when you're not there. You'd feel eyes boring holes into the back of your head, a sense of being followed, sometimes seeing your shadow accompanied by another, every time you turn around to be surprised by a familiar face. His footsteps are so quiet that you barely notice Noritoshi walking around.
Unfortunately, due to Noritoshi’s inexperience, the only way he knows how to impress people is by being “perfect” a.k.a. his strict, pain in the ass, annoying heir shtick. He would be the type to get on your case, scold, coddle, nitpick, correct you, and practically look like he's trying to bully you when in reality he's trying to hear praise from you for "helping" you. He’s waiting for you to see the affection and adoration behind his nagging, is he not being obvious enough? oh well, at least your eyes are on him for now. When most people in Noritoshi's life have either put him second or flat-out abandoned him, he's satisfied with anything he can get from you. Though he'd prefer praise, the thought of your attention being given to another even for a second makes his stomach feel like it's tying in knots, so he settles for your annoyed tuts and glares.
Of course, after a while, you'd get tired of this and tell him to knock it off. Or some variation of what a decent human being would do like, “Do whatever you want, but don't meddle in people's business.”
You KNOW he's going to be picking that apart in the middle of the night while looking up at the ceiling. What did you mean by that? Do you mean ANYTHING he wants? As long as he doesn’t bother anyone? Were you talking about yourself and everyone in general? Were you talking about someone specific? Did you leave it up for him to decide? Thoughts and questions circle in his head until he twists your words enough into something that he favors again. Ah, you allow him to do whatever he wants so long as he doesn't get in your way. But he wants to be alongside you... Did you mean in your way to the point of annoyance? Noted. From then on, Noritoshi's strictness softened into light nagging and bearable hovering. He'd knock it off completely through gritted teeth and furrowed brows if you threatened him with the silent treatment. He'll slowly start it up again until you begin ignoring him, only then will he get the hint and relax a bit. only until next time, of course.
The intensity of Noritoshi's coddling can fluctuate depending on your actions. (recklessness, obedience, shyness, etc.) it's his love language.
It's a completely different story if someone else decides to nag you as Noritoshi does... If someone scolds you, Noritoshi's on the offense. He's known for his occasional bluntness and sassy remarks, but this time... He's contradicting himself all in an attempt to get the other person to back away. If the one scolding you brings up points Noritoshi used in the past, he firmly denies them all and stands by your side. He'd rather sound hypocritical than let someone else care for you the way he does. Noritoshi stands in front of you, almost guarding you with his body and begins his barrage of deflective comments through his clenched jaw such as “That's not your place to say” “Shut it, they did no wrong.” “You don't know the reason why they did so, leave them alone.” and other things similar to that. Jeez, take your advice Noritoshi.. He’d argue and become antagonistic towards someone scolding you, even if it's exactly what he was about to do.
The same goes for someone who tries to be gentle with you to a lesser degree. It's nice that people see how wonderful you are, but having your smiles and kind words directed at anyone else other than Noritoshi is... Upsetting. The resentment gradually pools in the pit of his stomach and suddenly finds himself impulsively moving towards you and this "friend." He stands in between you and the kind person, trying his best to conceal his sneers. He wants nothing more than to have the third party get swallowed up by the ground or hit by a car, but he keeps his composure. Noritoshi sternly states how he’ll handle everything from then on and gives the third party a glare that's much more hateful than usual… Finally! Noritoshi has you to himself again! All is right in the world once more...
Noritoshi has always been on a very tight rope... Any wrong step and it’s going to snap. The more Noritoshi gets attached to you, the easier it is to convince himself that it's okay to cross certain lines to make sure you're safe with him. Even if that line he’s crossing, includes murder. It'd happen quicker if he caught feelings after the whole incident with the Kamo clan. You'd be the only thing he has left, the only thing he'd cling onto with every fiber of his being, emotionally and sometimes physically.
And like every fairy tale, a problem unconventionally shows itself much to Noritoshi's dismay... Noritoshi is shown to be prideful at times. Because of this, he'd try to conceal his more embarrassing emotions and reactions towards you. He wants to be seen as someone strong you can rely on, a steady pillar to your stability, someone who will do anything you wish at the drop of a hat, but it’s almost impossible to execute when he feels like he's nothing but putty in your hands at the slightest sign of positive reciprocation.
If Noritoshi felt his face heating up because your laugh caught him off guard, he'd turn his head to hide how that simple action made him nearly melt into mush. If your hand brushed against his, he'd quickly swipe it away. Not because he doesn't want to touch you, but because you'd feel how shaky and sweaty his palms got with just a graze. Noritoshi's gaze always lingers on his bow if you ever touch it causing his aim to decline in accuracy significantly.
He mentally curses himself out every time he pulls away from you because he knows he's sending mixed signals. Noritoshi loves you endlessly, but please spare his fragile heart. Your presence overwhelms him like no other, and he's utterly conflicted on how to act. He can handle being by your side like he wants, but the second your 100% focus is on him and only him, he’ll start to squirm under your gaze. Noritoshi wants to impress you! Stop being so mesmerizing for just a second so he can gather his thoughts and not embarrass himself! A-ah, but don't look away!!!
Tl;dr Noritoshi as a yandere is needy and petty as hell, but will explode if he gets an ounce of affection! He’s also! A creepy hopeless romantic who sends you mixed signals!
#kamo noritoshi#kamo noritoshi x reader#yandere kamo noritoshi#noritoshi kamo#noritoshi kamo x reader#yandere noritoshi kamo#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#yandere jujutsu kaisen#i love the energy#the enthusiasm you have is a beautiful thing to see in someone#i also love yandere noritoshi#personally i like softer yanderes that wouldn't intentionally do harm to their darling#even then i doubt noritoshi would even hurt his darling at all#I WROTE SO FUCKING MUCH#RHHRJFG I WANT TO SAY MORE BUT ILL SAVE IT FOR FUTURE POSTS.#I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE THIS WASN'T JUST ME CURSING AND KEYBAORD MSASHING#yan noritoshi is also not above stalking. sending love letters. studying you. and all those definate green flags#WHY CANT I SHUT THE FUCK UP#ITS BC THIS TOPIC ENTERTAINS ME#TY ANON FOR BRINGING IT UP#SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG#SHOUT OUT TO MY FRIEND LET ME TALK ABOUT THIS AND BOUNCED IDEAS BACK AND FORTH WITH ME THAT ONE TIME#I LOVE YOU FOREVER#now im not saying that every noritoshi in my entire blog is supposed to be seen as still yan noritoshi.. but if you were to think that.#i wouldnt deny it#yanderes arent insane all the time.. so think the cute stuff he does to be the dere... i need to draw the yan more often.. we'll get there.#and if youre wondering#NGL I ATE ON THIS DRAWING. FUCK. IT CAUSE MY PC TO FREEZE SO MANY TIMES BUT THE WORLD HAS TO KNOW ABT YAN NORITOSHI#null rot
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I actually think I put my finger on the thing that most bothers me about the perpetual pro vs anti Jedi discourse, which is that everybody argues for their interpretation of the Jedi as though the Jedi were a monolith. As though there were not 10,000+ of them spread across multiple temples, from many different homeworlds, with unique paths and individual connections to the Force. It doesn’t seem right to me to assert absolutes about what the Jedi code Actually Meant and whether it was too dogmatic or applied correctly by the Order or whatever when I think we can see in canon that you would get different answers about its meaning and application from the Jedi themselves, even the ones that inhabited and learned in the same temple. I feel like that’s the point of a lot of what we get shown in the prequels and TCW.
#maybe this is a freezing cold take i barely venture into this part of the sw fandom#but i think yes actually there were jedi that were too dogmatic#there were decisions the council made that were ill advised if not straight up wrong#that also has very little to do with whether the jedi as a religion or even the jedi as an institution#was Right or Wrong actually#because also i feel like this is relevant too-#equating a religious institution with a religion itself is not really correct#and judging the moral value of a whole ass religion based on the actions of individual members#or based on whether it did well in incredibly specific unprecedented historical circumstances#makes little sense#either irl or in fiction#star wars#sw#jedi order#jedi culture#star wars meta#sw meta#tcw#the clone wars#my meta#star wars prequels#prequel trilogy#prequel era#discourse
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Batman loses all likeability when you remember Arkham exists. Have you seen Arkham!? The damn place is a run down sanitarium or something! It's clearly never been renovated since the early 1900s! And yet it still stands! We're sending a bunch of mentally ill people to a place that looks specifically designed to torture them. The only batman who has my respect in this regard is the telltale games one. I'm pretty sure those games had (or had the option to have) arkham get replaced by an actual functioning mental health facility.
Cause let's be honest. You keep sending people like Two-Face, Riddler, Mad Hatter, Harley Quinn, Mister Freeze, etc to a place that looks like a 1800s facility where they'd try to beat the abnormality out of you, and then you're shocked when they don't get better! No duh, idiot! Or is the stupid rich man fine with gotham having a non-existent mental health system!? Screw you Batman. Screw you!
#dc#dc comics#dc universe#dcu#two face#harvey dent#the riddler#edward nygma#the mad hatter#harley quinn#mister freeze#anti batman#anti bruce wayne#fuck batman#stupid boring rich man#who beats up the mentally ill#gotham rogues#batman villains#batman rogues#mr freeze#gotham villians#arkham asylum
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+ an extra
Apollo 13 (1995)
During the flight Fred Haise developed a urinary tract infection and later kidney infections. These caused him to be in pain for most of the trip
(This is my favorite movie and I have no idea if anyone’s made gifs of this scene but if they have, I couldn’t find them, so I just sighed and said: Fine, I’ll do it myself...)
#whump#hurt/comfort#whump gif#hurt/comfort gif#apollo 13#hug#comfort#warming up#freezing#cold#shivering#worried#hypothermia#not really but the tag will help people find what they like#not really hypothermia#urinary tract infection#uti#infection#sick#ill#fever#weak#this is one of the first whump scenes that made me go: oh...#This is what I like#Such a good movie#watch it!#this scene is somewhere towards the end#can't remember#astronauts#space
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So I went to the wiki page for the henghill Bullet & Brain mission of 2.2 looking for some dialogue I had missed and
a) I found something incredibly tasty that slotted into some other thoughts I'd been having, more on that on another day, and
b) I saw this super fun little trivia at the bottom, which!
I knew Penacony characters like Boothill took a lot of inspirations from old movies, but I didn't realize it was even in his and Dan Heng's relationship, that's so cool!!
It fits them very well, it's such a fun reference. "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" was an old buddy Western film (from 1969- nice) about a pair of outlaws. Butch Cassidy was the leader of a gang, and described as clever, affable, and talkative. Meanwhile, his closest companion, the Sundance Kid, was known as a man of few words.
Cassidy's original birth name was much more plain, but similar to Boothill, he took on a new moniker when he became an outlaw. "Cassidy" had been the last name of his beloved mentor, who taught him how to shoot and ride. And Sundance Kid was known as he was because Sundance was the name of his hometown, and it was the only place that had ever managed to catch and jail him, back when he'd been younger (also similar to Dan Heng, but ouch).
These two stick together like glue throughout the length of the film- through Cassidy's leadership of the gang being challenged, through a train robbery gone wrong, through being pursued by mercenaries, and even through fleeing to Bolivia and trying to start over together.
I don't want to say too much more, since the mission title is referencing one specific movie that I've never seen. I kinda wanna watch it now, though, just to see the inspiration that went into Boothill and Dan Heng and how they get along. I just think it's really sweet that these two were literally made to be the best of bros, how lovely is that. 💕
#honkai star rail#this can be ship or plantonic tbh yall are always free to tag my ramblings as you please haha#just! they're so sweet!!#FWENDS#i would love to see more of them being a dynamic duo further down the line ♡#i think the film moved things along a little quicker but the real life Cassidy and Sundance were actually in south america for a few years#they fled there to get away from pursuers along with Sundance's girlfriend Etta Place.#supposedly they managed to buy a small ranch and the three of them lived peacefully (and even lawfully!) together for like three years-#-until the law caught up with them again#at some point Etta Place returned to the US reportedly due to illness rather than not wanting to get caught like in the film#Sundance may or may not have escorted her back. but whether he did or not he returned to South America with Cassidy#the two of them eventually got into a huge firefight with authorities where Sundance was fatally shot and Cassidy chose to end his own life#that's the most common story anyway. some also say Cassidy snuck back into the US again where he lived quietly until his death.#but it reads kind of like rumors of Elvis Presley sightings to me BSMZKNSKS#the film ended much more happily with the two of them getting into shenanigans and a freeze frame of them in a hail of bullets haha#i wanna see Dan Heng and Boothill fight together too it would be so cool aaaaaa#they would be great at getting into shenanigans! as we've already seen!!#fun bonus info: Boothill's ult literally puts black bars at the top and bottom of the screen to look like a widescreen Western movie#fun bonus info 2: Cassidy was regarded with respect by some people bc he never stole from the poor he only robbed big companies#this is actually nicer than Boothill is in canon bc he openly admits he will rob someone blind if he doesn't like them BSKZKKZMSKDK#(although I feel like its implied he has more standards for this than he gives himself credit for.#like he makes it pretty clear he doesn't particularly like Argenti at first and thinks he's annoying as shit but I'm sure he didn't rob him#...would have been real fucking funny if he did though oh my god I would love to see him try that. it absolutely would not work BSKZKNSKSJS#hsr#henghill#bootheng#dan heng#boothill#hsr boothill#hsr dan heng
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Jack Marsh (2005), Friendship Otherwise - Toward a Levinasian Description of Personal Friendship
#saw carnation lily lily rose by john singer seargent irl today. it was basically at my doorstep all along idk why i never went to see it#it was placed at a corner in the gallery. me and my friend sat down and sketched the paintings of beautiful naked people quite badly. paper#provided by tate britain. she told me about how she couldnt look her boyfriend in the face after a harrowing film about war. when i say the#interview was informal i mean the person who was supposed to be my boss told me let me get you a cider and then he said after#50 years of life he knows people are inherently good and it only takes a little bit of kindness to save this world. he said he tricked#his wife into keeping the baby and then he said he quit his job at a US bank to help people find meaning and in it#he would have liked to find meaning. instead he started climbing with his friends. he said he chews his cigarettes because its a habit from#when he had to hide things from people. the entire time i felt uncomfortable and incredibly enlightened. this is my friends mentor. she has#his pattern of pauses and expletive and penchant for ends-justify-means attitude. i do think im not very clever#but maybe one day i will love you enough to make up for it. i wrote code i dont understand staring at the final error i thought about how#we both thought of how when we're too old to remember the voices of our friends we would like to stand in the pathway of the LHC beam pipe#cut it open and eat light in the freezing cold vacuum (kills you long before radiation will) the invisible puncture wound unfolding dna#back to the start larger than you ever were. you go to heaven once youve been to hell. my friend is in my bed#practicing calculations of eigenvectors by hand and she is uninterested in a visual proof you are uninterested in incompetence#we catch a train this is your kind of burden you tragic hero wincing at that word you only do this because you have to. im the only one#who can. i am a coward in this for the fucking poetry. the visual proofs. the pretty numbers. an architect who was horrible at maths wanted#to be a philosopher and accidentally ended up neck in deep in 70th Error On Visual Studio Code i want to kiss your eyes before we say#goodbye we both know there is no love in the way there should be. I still have your dress in my wardrobe. i hope you make art.#you think im alright head-wise i think you fucking hate me i think ill never be so clever you want me to tell you my idea?#if you wanted more of this world i would have liked to kiss you harder. we cant both be like this. im sorry i cant be with you the whole wa#the love is gone if you have to ask it. his breath catches his eyes feel stiff it is -1.9 kelvin he is near the beam pipe i miss holding#his hand i miss her singing voice i miss his hair and i found the antonym of pain thank you for carrying me home.
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hey
youtube
drops this and runs away
#I'm already caught up in my laziness so ill be finishing this later#icepopduo#icepop duo#between seasons and freezings#icely oc#argus oc#my art#animatic#oc animatic#oc art#Youtube
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25 days of coasters / 17. mr. freeze reverse blast (six flags st louis) & mr. freeze (six flags over texas) # of rides: 3 (overall from both parks, 1 forward from sfot) / last ridden: fall 2023 (sfstl)
mainly focusing on the backwards experience of both of these clones as i don't find a difference between either one. i love how stupidly intense they are, combined with that massive spike that boosts the train to the top, they're both perfect for my taste.
(yes i know this one is a day late)
#coasterblr#roller coasters#six flags st louis#im only tagging sfstl because that's where the photo is#i didnt take a good photo of the sfot one#mr freeze reverse blast#premier#mine*#phone#really short boring one i know. ill make it up in the post directly after this one since im doubling today cuz i missed yesterday#due to work
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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the sheer amount of headcanons i produced while i was drawing this is insane
#a few of them i might try drawing cause theyre scenarios instead of concepts#i would actually like try to list a few down in a separate post or scatter them around in other posts#but because of the clothing i put them in here#ill focus on that#yes in the tags#nagito's body temp is very naturally cold and also gets cold very easily#he needs to have like two layers on him at all times or else he'll actually freeze#maybe even 3 layers if its Just That Cold#hajime on the other hand is the complete opposite and is both naturally warm and heats up easily#i feel like he sorta doesn't really like wearing long sleeves that much cause it feels kinda stuffy?#that or he just cant find a decent article of clothing that is both comfortable and to his tastes#chiaki is relatively normal in body temperature but she also overheats easily much like hajime#except because i hc her with autism (as an autistic myself) i feel like chiaki wears long sleeved clothing regardless of weather#because she enjoys the weight of her hoodie even if its hot as fuck out and will probably stop functioning right if she doesn't have one#anyway thats my take on my favorite trial trio#komahinanami my absolute loves#question to you guys who's read the tags: how do you interpret this?#sdr2#danganronpa 2#danganronpa 2: goodbye despair#danganronpa nagito#danganronpa hajime#danganronpa chiaki#nagito komaeda#hajime hinata#chiaki nanami#komahinanami#aiden.png
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april fools is over so now im going to be slash srs instead of slash j. im going to post a little excerpt from one of the oc writing practices ive been doing :) again im not super experienced for a variety of reasons but im doing my best here.
but im going to try and put my self conciousness to the side (thats probably an important part of the practice too, right?) since this isnt final version either way, i can just say im sharing a WIP! so for now it will go the way of most of my other oc stuff..... under the cut
the only context you need is that this would be the opening scene for the story. if i post others i'll have to give more context bc most of them are taken from the middle of something. anyway here goes:
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“I love you
I've loved you since the beginning
From when you were only stardust
To when you will rejoin the stars
When everyone will be together again
Understand, you don’t simply live in the universe
You are part of it, taking on a form uniquely alive
You are the universe giving love back to itself
I love you so much”
“Wait!!!”
A lone girl jolts awake, crying a plea into the empty air. Tears stream down her cheeks, as she calls for someone she doesn't know. Her heart aches with a nameless yearning that fades with the memory of her dream. Still, against her will, the emotions linger. A profound sense of love consumes her, an agonizing, grieving love, meant for her. She sighs and wipes away her tears. It was an absurd dream, a ridiculous notion.
As her conscious mind clears, she takes in her surroundings; a forest drowned in the pale blue light of dawn. Her sleeping bag, now encased in dew, was laid on the cold grass. She sits for a while, gazing at the faint sliver of the rising sun’s glow with an indistinct expression, and eventually stands up.
The lone girl begins her daily routine by braiding her hair. With a wave of her hand, she freezes dew on a rock, creating herself a mirror. Her fingers carefully weave her brown locks into a braid, now adorned with a snowflake clip and a scarlet ribbon. She throws on a long blue half-skirt over her shorts, matching her shirt. She forces on a pair of black boots and cuffs on her arm. Lastly, she grabs a moon-themed spear, and she's ready for the day.
Before setting off, she made sure to pack all her belongings, including her numerous hand-drawn maps and a compass. However, she also stops to look into the bag deeper, foolishly expecting to find something new. Instead, she only sighs, "Still no food."
She puts on the backpack and trudges forward anyway, ignoring the hunger pains as best she can. She hums to keep herself distracted.
As she walks, the trees tower above her, shrouding the horizon and taunting her. Birds occasionally fly into view, but seem to disappear in an instant. She wonders if her eyes are playing tricks on her.
The lone girl scribbles on her maps, trying to record a labyrinth of identical tree trunks and twisted paths. This proves useless, as this elliptical forest has her going in circles. Exasperated, she fidgets with her compass, only to see the needle is frantically twitching around. She presses it gently to her forehead and quietly complains, “Don't tell me you're broken…”
Her train of thought was cut short by the sudden sound of running water, so loud she can’t fathom how she’s only now begun to hear it. She decided to put off one problem for another. Following the sound through some shrubs, she quickly finds the source.
Her spear at the ready, she approaches the stream. Scanning its depths for signs of fish, she walks cautiously. Her posture was awkward, her expression was uncertain, betraying her lack of experience. She held her spear to her chest with both arms as she encroached the water’s edge.
She inhales in preparation, removes her skirt and boots, and enters the water with slow, careful steps. The very surface of the stream begins to freeze as it makes contact with her skin. Tiny, thin crystals of ice form as she steps further in. Breathing deeper, as she tries to control the frost, she makes her way to the center of the stream. She stands waiting for fish.
Rather than throwing her spear to hunt, like the intended purpose, she stabs at the water. She’s not good at this, however, and only ends up scaring other potential prey away. She makes several attempts at this but is unsuccessful each time. Refusing to quit, her repeated strikes become more desperate and uncoordinated with each failure. Her growing frustration only makes the water freeze deeper, eventually solidifying around her legs. She yelps, now in a panic, and begins to frantically stab at the ice to free herself.
A mess.
Escaping this ordeal, the lone girl abandons any further attempt at fishing. It probably isn't her calling anyway. She trudges on, lost, wet, cold, and hungry.
She looks at her compass again, her face reflecting in its glass. “You're broken,” she tiredly states, as she feels her eyes begin to well with tears.
“No! No no no! Don't cry! Don't cry Polaris,” The lone girl, Polaris, reassures herself, “Last time you cried you froze your eyelids shut, and that really hurt,” She whines aloud.
Polaris takes a deep breath, slaps her cheeks, and swallows her tears. She elects to follow the river, her only hope of escape, pursuing the promise of a village just beyond this enigmatic forest. She daydreams of a warm meal in a cozy restaurant, and maybe a cold desert too. A glimmer of determination returns to her stride, as she continues her hum from before.
#hi#finn's ocs#i dont know if ill make a writing tag of any kind im still wavering on it#and again its a wip its a draft of a draft and all that#but i did my best for what it is! even if itll be changed later#i tried to avoid exposition abt the powers in this part. thatll come up later in a convo w saiph so its more clear Why#but hopefully the fact that shes just freezing stuff just establishes that there is somekinda power/magic system even w/o details yet idk!#i wont be posting that any time soon tho. its from the same sort of chunk of writing but not as polished as the Polaris Forest Failure Comp#(spoilers for if i post more ig?) this idiot doesnt know shes in the forest that makes you lost lol#but yeah i tried. ok bye
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i might've fucked up -.-
#idk what's wrong with me#god im so tired of being stressed all the time and im tired of it#just being fully my fault ugh why do i keep fucking up this entire uni thing#im just so stressed i freeze and i don't do the things i have to do i dont send documentation#i didnt sign up for ANY class yet because i just couldnt get myself to look at them and i think i fucked everything up and its going to#be a whole thing#idk i would just rather stay at home and do nothing but i cant so i gotta go#but i feel sick at the thought ugh#i dont feel any energy to do any assignments of even go to class already and im not even there im still at home#ughhhhhhhhhhhhh#im so tiredd i cant do this#i have to pack and i cant get myself to do it either#vent#sorry sorry sorry#i need to talk about it i cant talk to anyone here cause ill just get yelled at or something my fam doesnt get it it just makes me#feel worse ughhhh#idk if i should even go#i feel like im wasting people's time and money and my own sanity just to underachieve and feel like shit all the time but the one thing#that therapist told me was that i shouldn't drop out because it's gonna solidify my views that im constantly failing at everything so this#has been one of the main reasons im still trying idk maybe itll do something one day#but heyy if i keep at it maybe next month my uni will give me money so i can go to a psych appointment or something#tho tbh the more i think about it the worse i feel about THAT like yeah i feel like shit but i feel like if just was better and stronger an#less lazy i could do it all easily
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