#ill b here tomorrow to do people things !!

[mypoisonedvine]

𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗻𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝗯𝗼𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗻 | joel miller x reader x emmett

𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆 | the last thing you wanted to do was make emmett jealous, or question your loyalty to him; but as it turns out, he may be a little more supportive than you expected when he catches you looking at joel miller.

𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁 | 7.1k

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 | smut - 18+ only (threesome, established relationship, sharing/hotwife kink, daddy kink, oral m and f receiving, anal and DP, creampie, light choking, overstimulation/multiple orgasms, some very gentle/mild degradation, tons and tons of praise), implied age gap (not specified, obviously reader is an adult), takes place in the last of us universe but pretty much porn without plot lol so don't overthink it

In the last year of traveling with Emmett, you’d mostly avoided the QZs.  He said that the people there were cheats and liars at best— and that’s to say nothing of the corrupt military leaders that actually ran the place.  However, desperation puts people into positions they never expected to be. 

After all, you would’ve never imagined being with a man like him, though in this case you meant it in a good way— that you never thought someone as brave and resourceful as him would want somebody like you.

But, that said, you made yourself useful when you could.  The best thing you could offer was your medical knowledge, and you were always the one tending to Emmett after injuries or illness.  Still, he promised that he loved you for who you were, not what you could do for him.  He was shockingly gentle, and passionate, especially for someone who had been forced to be rather ruthless to survive in this new world.

So, while you had been avoiding the quarantined areas and sticking to abandoned strips of forest and city, a lack of food out there forced you to venture to Boston— or, what was left of it.

Fortunately, you'd found more hospitality here than you expected.  Maybe it was just pity— and wanting some more of that ammo Emmett had sold him— but a man named Joel Miller had given you a place to stay and helped you earn some rations here so you could finally eat.  He reminded you of Emmett in some ways: stoic, hardworking, and generous beneath that hardened exterior.  But Emmett had become much more sensitive and open with you in your time together, and Joel was all but a stranger.  Sometimes he was so stern that he almost seemed irritated with you, but he kept letting you and Emmett stay, so he must not have been too annoyed by you.

And, you helped him how you could— like when he was in yours and Emmett’s room, sitting in the chair and talking to Emmett about something to do with tomorrow’s open jobs, and you noticed a cut across his palm.

“I-I can help with that,” you offered softly, motioning to the injury.  “Do you want me to bandage it for you?”

“It’s not that bad,” Joel shook his head.

“It’s easier to clean it now than worry about an infection later,” you reminded him.

Though he seemed a little tense, glancing at Emmett for a moment, he relented with a nod.  You smiled lightly as you stepped forward and knelt by Joel’s feet, picking up his hand and examining the cut.

Once you figured what it needed, you quickly hopped up to rifle through your bag, bringing back a disinfectant wipe and a roll of gauze.  Holding his hand open— and feeling a little flustered from touching his warm, rough skin— you carefully wiped up the cut.  “Does it hurt at all?” you asked him.

“Not too bad,” he replied lowly.

“You should see Emmett when I’ve gotta wrap him up,” you giggled, “he always acts like what I’m doing hurts more than when he actually got the injury in the first place.”

“Hey,” Emmett warned you in a stern voice, but you smiled up at Joel who returned with a small smirk.

“Alright, all better,” you hummed as you finished bandaging Joel.  “Let me know if it’s hurting you too much, that’s a bad sign.  Don’t just ignore it and act tough, okay?”

Joel seemed a little uncomfortable— if not sort of amused by— taking orders from you, but he nodded.  “I’ll let y’all get to bed now,” he decided as he stood up.  “Sleep well.  Lot of work to be done in the morning.”

“G’night,” Emmett offered him with a nod.

You felt a little strange, him standing up fully while you were still on your knees on the floor.  “Goodnight, Joel,” you said, your voice sounding sweeter and girlier than you intended.  Your face felt warm— you worried Emmett had noticed the change in your voice, too, but would he think much of it if he had?  

Thankfully, he didn’t say anything about it that night, simply pulling you close when you got into bed, burying his face in your neck.

But the next night, that was a different story.  You weren’t actually going to sleep yet, even though it was late enough for it— he’d already changed into an old t-shirt and pajama pants, while you were still in your dress, but he’d laid back on top of the sheets and patted the bed, silently asking you to join him.  You smiled and obeyed, of course, leaving the lamp on as you slipped in by his side.

Emmett held you gently, rubbing your back as you laid your head on his chest.  “You’re not too tired, are you?” he asked quietly.

For what? you wondered, but just shook your head instead.

“We can stay up a little longer,” he decided.  “Didn’t get a chance to hold you all day.”

“Yeah,” you sighed wistfully, nuzzling in more as you squeezed his torso a bit.

“Or talk to you much,” he continued.

“Was there something you wanted to talk about?” you asked, looking up at him from your head’s happy place on his shoulder.

“Just something I noticed,” Emmett replied, looking back at you sweetly as he brushed your hair aside with his fingers.  "I think you've got a crush on Joel."

You froze, face getting warm in an instant.  "I-I only want you, Emmett, I swear— you know I would never—"

"Shh, shh," he soothed as he chuckled a little, "it's okay, baby.  I'm not angry with you… you're not doin' anything wrong."

"Really?" you asked nervously, and he nodded.  "I thought you might be jealous…"

He shook his head and laughed a little.

"I-I just think he's handsome," you explained, "and sort of nice— but that's really it!"

"It's alright, baby," he purred, "cause you know something?  I was talking to him earlier today, and he wants you too."

Your sat up and your eyes went wide as you tried to imagine that conversation.  You could hardly believe that that was true, let alone that Joel has admitted it to Emmett… or had Joel approached Emmett about it, asking for a night with you?  Oh god, your head already hurt trying to wrap itself around this…

"I know how hard it is to keep a naughty little thing like you satisfied," Emmett explained with a smirk, sitting up with you and speaking softly beside your ear.  “I'm willing to bring in a little… outside help."

Just then, the door opened slowly and Joel stepped inside.  You watched him, totally unsure how to feel, as he shut the door behind himself, and then his eyes met yours.

"C'mere," Emmett offered to Joel, patting the bed beside you two.  "No need to be shy, Miller."

You watched as Joel took a seat on the bed, and you looked at Emmett as you lowered your voice.  "You don't have to do this for me," you promised him softly.  "You know I love you— I only need you—"

"It's okay," he soothed as he pet your face.  "I told you, I'm not angry.  I want you to do this."

"You… want me to?"

"If you want it," Emmett replied.

You shivered as Joel leaned forward a bit, reaching out to gently rub up and down your leg.  "What do you think, princess?" he asked softly.  "Don't worry, you're not gonna hurt my feelings if you say you don't wanna—"

"I want to," you admitted quickly, afraid to lose your courage if you waited any longer to say it.

Both men smiled at you as you looked back and forth between them; Joel's warm brown eyes against Emmett's steely blue ones… they were so similar, and so opposite, in so many impossible ways.

Without saying anything, Joel suddenly lifted your chin and guided you into a kiss.

You felt strange kissing someone other than Emmett, something you hadn't done in quite some time.  Joel's lips weren't as soft as Emmett's, and his kiss wasn't as gentle; he moved his hand to the back of your neck to hold you close, gently pressing his tongue into your mouth.  It wasn't too aggressive or anything, but it was certainly quite forward.  Emmett's hands were still on you, gently rubbing your back, and you reached back to find and hold one just as your other arm wrapped around Joel's broad shoulders.

Joel made you gasp by breaking away to kiss at your neck instead; you squeezed Emmett's hand slightly.  "Fuck, she sounds so pretty," Joel noticed when you moaned at his teeth teasing your pulse.

"Yeah," Emmett agreed.  "She can get loud, too, so let's just hope she doesn't wake anybody up…"

Joel pulled your hand away from Emmett's and guided it to the bulge in his jeans; you sighed as you felt it, a hot feeling stirring in your chest.  "See how you got me all worked up already?" he scolded you playfully.  "C'mon and take it out for me."

Your hands were shaking more than you realized when you brought them to unfasten his belt… it felt new, and exhilarating, and a little scary as well, to be with someone new after so long.  But you remembered when it was new with Emmett and it felt like this, exciting and weird and wonderful all at the same time.  But you'd known Emmett longer before anything happened between you— you'd only met Joel a few days ago.

Joel exhaled sharply through his nose when you reached into his boxers and wrapped your fingers around his erection.  It was so hot to the touch, you were worried your fingers felt cold to him, but he didn't seem to mind much.  You shuddered as you released it from the fabric, your mouth falling slack and your hand instinctively beginning to stroke it gently.

Joel's cock wasn't as long as Emmett's, but it was thicker, with a slight curve to one side.  Regardless of exactly what it looked like, you were just amazed to see and stroke another cock but Emmett's— it had been so long, and you hadn't been with all too many people before Emmett anyways.

"Show him what you can do, baby," Emmett encouraged in a low voice, and you nodded as you leaned down to capture Joel's cock between your lips. 

He hummed as you licked and sucked the tip, swirling your tongue over the head.  But he groaned aloud when you dipped lower and took as much as you could into your mouth, letting the tip of his cock bump into the back of your throat.

Then you set your pace, hollowing your cheeks and slowly moving up and down on his length.  Your jaw ached slightly already and you'd only just started.

You felt Joel's hand on the back of your head, not pushing you down but just guiding you in your movements.

"Mm," Joel praised with a grunt.  "Your girl's got a sweet fuckin' mouth, Emmett…"

"Yeah," he agreed, "and she loves using it— gets her so wet, feel it."

You whimpered slightly as Joel reached back over you and pulled up your dress, slipping a hand inside your panties.  His fingers curled through your lips, even toying with your swollen clit for a moment, and you moaned around the thick cock in your mouth.

"Damn," Joel chuckled, "she's soaked."

You broke away from Joel and turned around, looking at Emmett expectantly as you sat on the bed.  "Can I suck you too?  Please?"

Joel chuckled a little as Emmett nodded, letting you pull his pajama pants down as his hard cock bounced free.  It was nice to get back to what you knew for a moment, and you didn't hesitate at all to take hold of him and lick a long stripe up his shaft.

Joel took the opportunity while you were facing away from him to toss up your dress and pull your panties down; he purred at the way the fabric stuck to your pussy, peeling off slowly with all the wetness there.  "Fuckin' gorgeous," Joel groaned as he got a good look at it.  

Two thick fingers rubbed over your clit until your toes curled; putting your head down in Emmett's lap to suck him sort of forced your hips up, nearly at eye-level with Joel, and feeling him explore you so gently made you feel exposed in the best way.

He slid one finger into your hole, just one, and you clenched down on him.  "Damn," Joel groaned.  "I don't know how you find the energy to do anything but fill this pretty little pussy of hers, Emmett."

But Emmett wasn't really paying attention to him— he was watching you with heavy eyes and a slack mouth, petting your hair as you bobbed your head on his cock.

"Just like that," Emmett praised you quietly.  When you moaned around him in response, it turned into a muffled cry as Joel suddenly took his finger out of you and replaced it with his tongue.  His hands held your ass and kept you spread wide for him, burying his face in your pussy and tasting everything his tongue could reach… which was a lot.  Your whole body quivered when he licked a long stripe up from the base of your clit all the way up, higher and higher, even running over that hole as you shuddered.  

Your moans vibrated through Emmett's cock and his hand in your hair tightened into a fist and tugged on you a bit.  "Fuck," Joel moaned against your soaking folds, "tastes even better than it looks."

"Feels even better than it tastes," Emmett promised with a smile, though he snarled as he pulled your head off of him by your hair and guided you into a rough, dominating kiss.  He all but threw you back towards Joel, and you were sort of dazed and moving on instinct as Joel turned you around to face him.

But as you leaned down to suck Joel's cock again, he stopped you with a hand around your neck.  "Taste yourself first," he ordered before he kissed you, diving his tongue right into your open mouth as you whined at the tangy flavor of your arousal coating his lips.  

He pulled you back from the kiss with a growl, holding your hair and examining your face— you must have looked fucked out already, panting through your mouth and looking at him as you waited for your next instruction.

“Was she always this desperate?” Joel asked Emmett, though he was still looking at you. “Or did you train her?”

“A little of column A, a little of column B,” Emmett replied with a light chuckle.

He shoved your head back down into his lap, guiding his cock to your waiting lips and groaning when you swallowed it down.  “Good fucking girl,” he praised.  “So fuckin’ dirty— damn, that tongue…”

You gagged harder on Joel’s cock when you felt Emmett toying with your clit, teasing you with slow and delicate circles that made your toes curl.  “Wanna fuck her?” Emmett asked Joel simply; your hole pulsed in anticipation.  The way they talked over you, like you weren’t even there, was sort of irritating: but it made you so desperate, and you couldn’t even figure out why.

Joel just laughed.  “Are you kidding?” he wondered.

It was Emmett’s hand that pulled you off of Joel’s cock, but Joel grabbed your neck— not too tightly, just enough to make you let a whimper out of your open mouth— and flared his nostrils as he stared closely at your face.

“Get on your hands and knees for me,” he ordered firmly, and you nodded right away.  They both let you go and you took the position, feeling a little shy again suddenly— like you had any right to be shy now.  You faced Emmett, your hands on either side of his lap as he sat up on the bed, and he reached up to hold your face as you heard Joel get up and kneel behind you.

He teased you by running the head through your folds a few times, your lip catching between your teeth as the tip bumped against your swollen clit.  Emmett studied your face closely, watching your mouth go slack and your brows knit together as Joel pushed just barely inside you.

And then you cried out, far too loud, because he shoved the rest of the way in at once.  "Shit," Joel hissed, "fuckin' tight little thing.  Fuck."

You could feel his gaze on your hole, no doubt watching himself split you open so wide, when his hands spread your ass open again for a better view.

“Prettiest fuckin’ pussy,” Joel awarded it with a sigh.  “Fuck, feel how good you fuckin’ take that?  Feel how easy this big cock slides right into ya?  Such a sweet little girl…”

Easy was one way to describe it— and yes, you were wet enough that he hardly had any resistance— but it felt like too much to really be easy.  You fluttered your eyes open, not even noticing that you’d shut them, and found Emmett’s gaze still on you.  How was it possible that he was looking at you with so much pride in his eyes?  You bit your lip and returned his stare, whimpering each time Joel thrusted roughly into you.  

"How's it feel, baby?" Emmett asked you as he gently stroked your cheek.

You choked a little, not sure you could find the words for it.  "Different," you managed to blurt out, and both men chuckled a little.

"Yeah, bet it is different," Joel agreed, "don't think I'm gonna be as sweet with'ya as your old man here usually is."

Well, fair enough: Joel wasn't in love with you, so why should he treat you the same?  Actually, your thighs shook a little as you thought about that… Joel just wanted to use you, fuck you like a toy and toss you back to Emmett when he was done.  It should've been demeaning, but it made your back arch a little deeper.

"Yeah, fuck," Joel praised, "she likes that.  Wants me to fuck her harder, I can tell."

“Then do it,” Emmett instructed him.

Joel gripped your hips tightly and slammed into you, making you choke on your own cry.  “F-fuck—” you stammered, suddenly gripping Emmett’s shoulders for stability.

“God,” Joel choked behind you; you could feel the bandage you’d given him as his hands held onto your hips, keeping you steady so he could pump into you as hard and fast as he liked.

You whined and dropped your head on Emmett’s shoulder, hearing him gently soothe you as each thrust rocked you forward into him.  “Takin’ it so well,” he praised softly, “that’s my girl…”

Emmett started to push your dress down your arms and chest, exposing your tits for his big hands to rub slowly; Joel reached around and felt them too— and four hands on you felt like more than you could keep track of.  A hand running up your thighs, squeezing your ass, teasing your tits, even wrapping around your throat and threatening to tighten… you were overwhelmed, in the best way.

"God, she's so perfect," Joel breathed.  "Can't believe you let me borrow her."

"Just don't come inside her," Emmett instructed, "that's just for me."

"Fuck, I don't mind," Joel grunted, "think I'll like painting that pretty face…"

“She swallows, too,” Emmett smiled, “if you like that.”

“Like it?  Fuck,” Joel laughed, “that’s fucking hot.”

“E-Emmett,” you whimpered in protest, “I never… I’ve never done that for anybody but you…”

“Well, it’s not so different for anybody else,” Emmett assured you with a chuckle.  “You’ll swallow his come if I tell you to, won’tcha?”

You bit your lip and nodded.

“Good girl.”

That was all you really wanted— to be good for him.  And you felt your chest fill with pride knowing he was happy with you now, even if you’d never expected this to make him happy.  He could be very protective of you, and you assumed he would never want another man to lay a hand on you— he’d killed men for less, actually.  But you realized that there was a massive difference: those men had threatened to hurt you, had scared you, had tried to take you from him.  Joel was the first man other than Emmett that you’d trusted, let alone shown any interest in.  Emmett was too busy fighting off creeps to mention that he didn’t actually mind good guys getting a chance with you, apparently.

Joel kneaded a handful of your ass roughly, and you whimpered when you felt one of his fingertips start to rub gently against your other hole.  “What about this hole?” he asked with a groan.  “This just for you, too?”

Emmett grinned a bit.  “She’s only done that a few times… what do you think, baby, wanna let Joel try your ass?”

It was already quite an ordeal to get Emmett to fit in there, and you whined just imagining Joel trying to fit that thick cock in your ass— “Oh my god, she just got so fucking wet,” Joel noticed.  Clearly, imagining it was having some effect on you.  “Think she wants it— don’t ya, sweet girl?”

Though your cheeks burned with shame, you nodded, and both men chuckled darkly.  “Warm her up first,” Emmett suggested.

“Of course,” Joel agreed, “wouldn’t wanna break your toy.”

You moaned just from him saying that, before he’d even started to gently press his finger inside you.  He spit right down onto it as he slid the digit inside, making you clench around him— both ways.  He hummed lowly, twisting and curling the finger into you, still fucking your pussy (though slower than before, thank god).

You gasped as a second finger carefully slid in, almost pushing you too far and making you wince slightly— but Emmett soothed you and kissed the side of your face, rubbing your back to help keep you relaxed.  “You can take it,” Emmett promised, “be my good girl, okay?  Let him get you ready.”

You nodded and clung tighter to Emmett, moaning when Joel twisted his fingers around and even curled them a bit inside you.  “Not too much, is it?” Joel wondered when you whined loudly.

“No, she’s tougher than she looks,” Emmett answered— you sort of thought that question was for you, but you were too desperate to answer properly anyways.

Joel could pump those fingers in and out of you now, picking up the pace slightly to match the way he thrust his cock into your cunt, but when he tried to spread them a little wider he didn’t have much luck.  “Still too tight, I think,” Joel noticed with a laugh.  “Y’sure she can get stretched out enough for it?”

“Yeah,” Emmett promised, “I can help, hold on—”

He brought two fingers to your open mouth; you sucked on them instinctively, shutting your eyes and moving your head forward to swallow them as deep as you could.  What Joel said before suddenly made sense— he really did have you trained.

You bobbed and suckled on Emmett’s long fingers, hearing him whisper his praises to you before he suddenly pulled them out— your open mouth chased after them for a second, and Joel seemed to notice with a small, condescending laugh— and reached over your back, pushing the slick fingers into your hole right beside Joel’s.

“Fuck!” you yelped at the feeling, legs shaking as you realized you’d never been this full: a cock and four fingers, it was more than you’d ever imagined.

Joel groaned a little, picking up the pace of his thrusts into your pussy again, and you did your best to breathe steady as those fingers pumped in and out of you.  You couldn’t deny the way it turned you on— none of you could, you could hear it as Joel fucked you slowly.  “She’s fuckin’ dripping, Emmett,” Joel noticed with a sigh, “she really likes this little ass played with, huh?”

Emmett laughed and nodded in agreement.  “She likes doing what she’s told,” he clarified.

“Such a good little slut,” Joel praised, and you whimpered before Emmett kissed you again.

They continued that way until you worried you’d start begging for a cock in your ass if they made you wait anymore— thankfully, they didn’t make you embarrass yourself like that, Emmett felt with his fingers and saw in your eyes that you were ready.  Pulling his fingers out of you, he glanced at Joel behind you: “Go ahead,” he offered simply.

Joel’s fingers left your ass, too, and you felt empty there but different— when his cock slipped from your cunt, you gasped a little at having nothing inside you for the first time in a while, and you glanced back at him.  “Yeah,” Joel encouraged, “keep lookin’ back at me while I put my cock in your ass.”

You felt a little awkward doing that, but you did it anyways, biting your lip as he met your gaze and lined up his thick head with your stretched ass.  He was still soaked from being in your pussy, and your ass was pretty much dripping with spit now, so he didn’t have too much trouble pushing into your puckered hole— but it was still tight, and you still winced (but kept your eyes on him, of course).

Even with all that prep, you shuddered and whined as Joel slowly slid into your ass— he savored every inch, licking his lips and groaning as he stretched you wider and wider.  He seemed to just get thicker, even at the very base of him, and your eyes rolled back when he was seated in you all the way.  And then he punched his hips just that little bit more, apparently intent on burying himself in you as far as humanly possible; you gasped and hugged Emmett tighter, turning your head towards him again but shutting your eyes tight from the sting of the stretch.  

“God fucking damn,” Joel moaned, digging his fingers into the skin of your hips, clearly trying to control himself.  “Fuck, Emmett, you’ve really got yourself such a perfect little fucktoy— where’d you find her?”

Emmett smiled wide, stroking your hair and looking at your face— painted with filthy pleasure— tenderly.  “She found me,” he answered.  “Still got no fuckin’ idea how I got so lucky.”

Joel started to move, making you tighten your hands into weak fists, and set a careful pace that gave you some time to adjust… even if not quite as much as you would’ve wanted.

A sudden, sharp thrust nearly knocked you forward— thankfully Emmett was there to catch you— and you moaned loudly.  Emmett laid down slightly, letting you lay on top of him and hide your face in his chest.  “That’s my girl,” he praised quietly.

As Joel’s movements sped up a little more, he sighed, seeming to find a comfortable pace (for him, at least) as you forced yourself not to tense up: it didn’t hurt, but it was certainly an intense feeling, especially when you felt Joel’s heavy balls slap against your dripping pussy.

"This'll be better than coming on your face," Joel grinned.  "Filling up this tight ass, fuck, you're so dirty, baby…"

You felt someone move your hips down a bit, changing the angle of it all, but you were too lost in it to even know who it was.  Emmett kissed your neck, teeth teasing your pulse, and you whined— you would beg him to bite you and leave a mark that everyone could see, if you could speak at all right now.

Your legs ended up straddling Emmett’s lap, and you gasped when you felt his cock press against your pussy— you'd been too distracted to even notice him taking it out— and he cooed at you sweetly.  "You can take both, right?" he asked quietly.  "You've always got room for me, don't you?"

Though you were still intimidated by the idea, you nodded as you bit your lip.

"That's my girl," Emmett praised, grabbing your hips and pulling you down onto his cock.

You almost screamed at the feeling of being so full, digging your fingers into Emmett’s shoulders.  He looked up at you with eager eyes, watching you struggle to take them both— but you eventually relaxed enough to sink down and fit them both to the hilt.

“Good fucking girl,” Joel praised with a groan, holding on tight to your hips as he started to move again slowly— as for Emmett, his hands moved from your waist to your head to guide you into a sloppy, needy kiss.

Your moans were loud yet weak, your shaky hands clutching at Emmett desperately as they both pumped into you.  Joel seemed almost overwhelmed by it, too, leaning down over you, growling and biting at your neck and shoulder. 

“F-fuck, dunno how long I can last like this,” Joel admitted, “so fucking tight…”

You jumped slightly when one of Joel's rough hands reached around your hips and slid down to your clit, rubbing at the bud until you jerked back from the sudden intense sensation.

"Just wanna feel you come first, princess," he explained with a purr.

“A-ah, fuck,” you whimpered, shaking all over as you tried to process all that you were feeling.  They moved you around how they wanted you, and at some point Emmett was sitting up and holding you in his lap while Joel kept thrusting into your ass from behind while holding your shoulder— how were you supposed to keep track of all the anatomy of this, while you had two big cocks stretching you open and Joel’s rough, experienced fingers on your clit.

Emmett moaned against your skin as he kept sucking on your neck, meanwhile Joel was speaking gruffly by your ear, sending chills up your spine.  “Can you come, princess?” he asked darkly.  “‘Round both our cocks?”

“Yes,” you admitted in a gasp, “fuck— Emmett, can I come?”

He smiled against your neck; “Of course, babydoll,” he breathed.  “Let’s show Joel how much you love bein’ fucked like a whore.”

You wrapped your arms around Emmett’s neck, dropping your head limply back on Joel’s shoulder as the feeling washed over you: you tightened up everywhere, inside and out, and they both groaned as they watched you give in to ecstasy.  You weren’t even sure whose hands were where anymore, but they were everywhere, and even through your exhaustion you felt desperation guide your hips to move on their own— chasing an even higher pleasure.

“Fuck,” Joel grunted as he watched you go, his own thrusts getting faster and rougher.  “Fuck, that’s so cute.”

You didn’t expect him to describe you like that in a time like this, and you whimpered as your walls flexed again.  You could tell Joel was getting a little desperate himself, that bandaged hand giving your clit a break and holding your hip tightly instead.  “Come in her ass, Joel,” Emmett ordered with a sigh, staring at your face with heavy eyes, “she’s ready.”

He did it pretty much instantly, groaning lowly and tossing his head back with a sharp breath in through his teeth; you felt him flexing, and it stretched your tighter hole even just that much more.  You whined softly at the feeling, hearing distantly little praises from Emmett, and finally Joel finished and pulled out of you with a little hiss.

It was less of a relief than you expected— your ass was still stretched and sore, and Emmett was still so deep inside you… and then, a moment later, you felt that hot trickle out of your used hole.  You felt filthy with Joel’s come running out of you like that, tickling your inner thigh as it dribbled down— but the way Emmett was looking at you seemed to remove any sense of shame you had left.

"God, look how beautiful you are," Emmett grunted as he guided you to move faster in his lap, "men just can't help it with you, can they?  Bet every guy in this town wants you, bet they're all thinking about having you to themselves— but you're mine, huh?  My girl?"

"Yes," you sobbed, "yes, I'm yours— all yours, Emmett, always—"

"Gonna show Joel whose girl you are," Emmett promised with a growl.  "Gonna get this pussy nice and full how you like it."

"Yes," you said again, a needy groan this time— the tip of his cock was hitting so deep inside you that you could hardly breathe, yet you only wanted more.  "Yes, please, please— come in me, daddy."

"Damn," Joel laughed, "she is dirty."

Emmett grinned.  "Only gets that way when she's real desperate.  Needs her daddy's come so bad…"

“Please,” you begged shakily, feeling him pull you closer and start to buck his hips up into you faster; he was breathing roughly, quickly, and you knew that he was getting close, but he had a habit of holding back until he absolutely couldn’t take it anymore just so he could watch you like this for as long as possible.  

Apparently unsatisfied with the speed and control he could reach with you on top of him, Emmett pushed you back down onto the bed, holding your legs and fucking you hard and fast— you cried out, arching your back as his hands slid up to hold your waist.

You gasped loudly when Joel unexpectedly leaned down and sucked on one of your tits; your back arched even further towards it, and you heard him moan against your skin as his tongue circled the hardened bud.  Emmett's mouth suddenly found the other one, without his pace slowing down at all, and you could've screamed right then.  You hadn't realized how sensitive they would be, and never in your life had you had both sucked on at once— it was so overwhelming, it was making jolts of white hot pleasure burst inside you, and fuck Emmett’s cock was filling you just right, hitting that perfect spot—

"I'm coming," you sobbed, "f-fuck, daddy, I'm coming—"

Emmett groaned loudly, his mouth falling slack around your breast as hot breaths fanned your skin.  You felt him starting to flex inside you, and you moaned louder knowing he was filling you so deep.  His grunts were in time with his deep, hard thrusts into you, and you went numb and tingly all over as the orgasm seemed to drain everything out of you.

Finally, he slowed to a stop, moving up to kiss you slow and sweet— both of you breathing heavily against each other, your shaky fingers reaching up to hold his face and run through his hair.

He broke away and sat up with a sigh; you wanted to kiss him longer, but you were too exhausted to even complain, simply relaxing against the bed and almost wincing when he pulled out of your sore cunt.

Emmett sat back and tugged your limp form up a bit, cradling you as he held your back to his chest.  “Oh, look at that,” he whispered just beside your ear, reaching down to rub your thigh, “all’a my come running out of you… both holes nice and full just how you need… so fuckin’ pretty, baby, my pretty little girl…”

You just whimpered sleepily, soaking in the warmth of Emmett’s embrace.

"Why don't you taste her now, Joel?" Emmett suddenly offered him with a smirk.  

Before you could process that idea, Emmett was holding your legs open while Joel dived down between them.  You whimpered as Joel licked up through your folds, your whole body getting hot at the thought of Joel tasting you and Emmett.  He really didn't mind doing that with another man's come?  The idea that he might just be that insatiable for you…

He suddenly latched on to your clit and sucked hard, making you yelp and buck your hips— but Joel and Emmett were both holding onto you tight, keeping you steady as your body shook uncontrollably.

"Oh, that's it's," Emmett praised, "let him taste you, baby— let Joel lick that pretty pussy, okay?"

"F-fuck— s'really sensitive—" you choked out.

Emmett held you tighter, both hands groping your breasts and his fingertips gently toying with your nipples.  “Bein’ so good for me,” he praised in a low, rough voice.  “So fuckin’ pretty when you’re getting your pussy ate, babydoll— never get to appreciate it ‘cause I’m too busy doin’ it.  But you look so fuckin’ cute like this…”

Your back arched, pushing your shoulders against Emmett's chest as he held you, and he trailed gentle kisses along your shoulder and up your neck. 

"Gonna come, huh?" he noticed, pinching your nipples harder until you whined.  "It's okay, baby, let Joel make you come.  Just one more and you can rest…"

“C-can’t,” you choked, “can’t come anymore—”

“Shh, you can,” Emmett promised.  “You can show Joel how good you are for me, huh?  You can come when I tell you to.”

“Fuck,” you sobbed, grabbing onto Emmett’s hand tightly— though your other hand gripped a handful of Joel’s salt-and-pepper hair, making him look up at you with those dark brown eyes…

“Mhm, you can do it,” Emmett continued, squeezing your hand in encouragement.  “Put your tongue inside her, Joel.”

You shuddered and quaked when Joel obeyed, the most filthy sounds filling the room while Joel lapped and sucked at your leaking pussy.  Emmett’s hand— the one you weren’t holding onto for dear life— groped your tits roughly, pinching your nipples hard enough to make you buck your hips against Joel’s face, but Joel still had that iron-tight grip on your hips to keep you where he needed you.

Joel was moaning lowly against your skin, focusing his tongue attention back on your clit— from teasing little circles around it to hard, rough licks right over it.  This time, when he went back to sucking on the nub harder than ever, you knew you couldn’t hold it back anymore.  “Fuck, Joel!” you screamed, making him groan darkly again.  “I’m gonna come!”

Emmett dragged his teeth over the shell of your ear, laughing softly yet wickedly.  “You’re sayin’ his name now?” he noticed.  “You’re not coming for him, baby, you’re coming for me.  Because I told you to.  Yes?”

“Yes, yes,” you promised, chanting it mindlessly.  “Yours, Emmett— fuck, I’m yours, you know I am.  Only yours.”

His hand moved from your breast to your face, turning it far enough to look at him— those eyes were boring into you, and you whimpered with your lip between your teeth as you hoped you hadn’t disappointed him.  “Say it again,” he demanded.

“Yours,” you repeated as you looked into his eyes— even though your imminent orgasm made it harder and harder to keep your eyes open.  “I’m yours, daddy.”

He grabbed your jaw and kissed you hard, his tongue keeping your mouth wide open; he swallowed every moan as you came, moaning himself like he could taste your pleasure in the kiss, holding your hand tighter than ever. 

Joel kept eating you out even when your whole body was shaking, even when your weak little hand was trying to push his head away— he only stopped when Emmett’s hand joined yours, just one touch and Joel lifted his head and sighed.

Emmett guided your hand back up to his face, and you held it (with what little strength you had) as you kept kissing him… though the kiss changed, it went from rough and hungry to soft and slow and gentle.

He stopped kissing you just enough to speak, his thumb petting your cheek so you would open your eyes.  “You did so good for me, babydoll,” he cooed under his breath.

Knowing you had finally done everything he wanted, you melted limply into Emmett’s arms, who chuckled a little at your exhaustion.  

“Looks like you really wore her out, Miller.”

“You did, too,” Joel returned.  “Besides, at that age, I’m guessin’ she’ll be raring to go again by the end of the hour.”

Emmett snorted.  “I can get her begging in five minutes,” he countered.

“Please— m’too tired,” you whimpered, cuddling up tighter against Emmett— but his hand was already snaking up your thigh, teasing further between your legs.

“Too tired, huh?” he taunted quietly, petting closer to your sore pussy until your legs spread naturally to let him touch where he wanted.  “Good girl.”

Two fingers delicately teased you, circling around your clit but never quit reaching it— until you were rocking your hips up to try to find some attention in the right spot.

When he did touch your clit, ever so gently, you shivered and mumbled his name; your eyes still closed, you hid your face in his neck and began to shamelessly rock against his fingers.  He teased your opening, making it apparent how wet you still were, but never dipped inside no matter how hard you tried to tempt him to.

“Please,” you whispered, too desperate to feel guilty for it at all, “Emmett, I need—”

“Jesus,” Joel laughed, “didn’t take long at all, did it?”

“Nope,” Emmett agreed.

“So fuckin’ needy,” Joel groaned.

“Yep,” Emmett responded simply again.  “Tell us what you need, babydoll…”

“I…I need…” you mumbled, face getting warm.  “Need to be full…”

“With what?” Joel pressed.

“Um…” you stalled, nervous to admit it but knowing they wouldn’t rest until you did.  “With a… a cock.”

Emmett snorted.  “Any cock?” he wondered.

“W-well, I figured one of you two—”

They both laughed a little, and you felt silly but your walls tightened against themselves.  “We’re not young like you, sweetpea— it’s not that easy,” Joel explained.  “Gonna need a little more patience…”

“But— but you got me all worked up!” you whined.  “You did that on purpose…”

“Yeah,” Emmett admitted with a purr, “yeah, baby, I did that on purpose.”

You pouted a bit.  “You’re mean sometimes…”

“Mhm,” he agreed with a soft laugh, raising an eyebrow as he looked at Joel.  “How long will it take you to get hard again?”

“Not that long,” Joel answered, “if she puts that mouth to good use.”

Emmett helped you sit up, patting your back encouragingly.  “Go ahead, baby, you know what to do…”

As you crawled towards where Joel knelt on the bed, still totally dazed and exhausted, you realized that tonight was far from over— and that tonight may not be all that Emmett had in store for you.

[shradsmanifestt]

hi, im sorry for bothering u right now. ive been asking around for advice everywhere because i really need all the help i could use right now. my anxiety is flaring up like crazy because my results come out tomorrow and im so scared because if i mess this up then my future is ruined. my mental health has been horrible and that has severely affected my grades but in most asian countries they dgaf about that and basically think it's nonexistant for minors so ofc i'm still undiagnosed, and if i were to apply to a uni i wouldnt get any good chances anywhere. if i could just get 3 Bs in my AS levels it would be okay or else i'd have to retake it and it's super costly here.. i don't wanna put my family through that because they'll talk me down, degrade me, destroy my self esteem which i've managed to build back a little. they were like this since when i was the topper and thats what made me burnout. undiagnosed adhd, trauma, depression also contributed to it

im applying the law, but instead of the feeling of success that everyone else gets i feel panicked. the 'feeling' people usually get when they're in the wish fulfilled state, the feeling of accepting it and it being real—im not getting that. i dont see a clear picture when i visualize. every time i try to, i end up breaking down and feeling like a failure... but I'm still trying to go on because why is it that the people who hurt me and practically ruined my life get to live successfully, while i suffer? thats not fair... i promised myself that if i could just get 3 Bs, ill turn my life around and work really hard... but is it over for me? i want to win, im trying to, but im scared

im trying my best to visualize myself getting 3 Bs, reenacting my friends faces when i get the results, praying to God and thanking Him for blessing me and continuing to bless me, but there is this fear still lingering at the back of my mind... i feel like I'm not doing it right. i have like one day left and I'm so nervous. im going over posts, tweets, and every time I feel a little better, it all comes crashing down because of doubts. theres only one thing one my mind right now: 'how am I gonna turn it around in one day?' i know that the 3D does not matter and that everything is done in imagination, but here i feel like its not done in imagination either

right now nothings clicking in my head, whatever i read is getting scrambled in my mind, i feel so lost and empty. could u please tell me what to do in this specific situation? u can be as harsh as you want if that's what's needed to get the point across. im really sorry for the bother and id be really grateful if u could please help out, ive never been this desperate before... my life cant be over before it even started

Hey love,

I get you, I really do but trust me when I say this.

THIS SHIT IS REAL AF. Manifestation is real af. It's as real as the fact that you are a human being. All you have to do is trust yourself that it is already done. If good results is what you want then that is exactly what you'll get. You need to choose to stop having doubts because it is already done. That is the simplest answer I can give you. Persist on what you want.

I am glad to tell you this but I just got test results for a major exam held in my uni today and I got into the 95th percentile just by saying to myself that my super power is aptitude tests and that I already scored great. In my friends group only 3 of us were eligible and I have 70+ more marks then them as well. If I can do it, you can do it. You need to stop doubting yourself. Atleast stop doubting manifestation. Cause at this point you're only gonna manifest your doubts.

I'll give you a scenario - If you're worried about getting bad grades, Trust me when I say this you're gonna manifest exactly that coz you will manifest exactly what you assume. You can choose to stop that right here, RN. Choose to accept that you got great marks. I mean don't even like aim for B's go for A's. I don't care even if you left the paper blank coz if you assume you're the topper, that is exactly what's gonna happen.

If you do get bad marks and I'm gonna be harsh here - You're the only reason why! You're gonna manifest exactly what you assume to be true even if it's good or bad. Your sc mind don't differentiate btw what's good for you or what's bad for you. It only knows what you feed it.

You got this, TRUST ME

Love, Shrads.

[sol-consort]

Regarding the human kink thing when it comes to turians, some people actually do be nesting, omega-verse style. Imagine being a human assigned to a turian ship, and you just over here in your bunk, innocently arranging the pillows and stuffies, while these guys are just standing there, slack-jawed and harmonizing their subvocals lol

[updated post]

A/B/O is not for me, but I dig the concept of aliens being intrigued by plushies. They are weird when you think about it.

The weird part isn't the plushies–it makes sense for warm-blooded mammals who value skinship to enjoy cuddling soft things, hugs are fundamental for your health—No, The weird part is how the most popular plushies aren't human shaped.

You could argue dolls, but dolls aren't used as plushies. They're more hard and sturdy, something that can withstand being played with. they have joints and brushable hair. Dolls are puppets to tell a story with, a psychological form of play through creativity.

I want you for a moment to imagine an advanced civilisation of bears with me.

With metropolises and bustling economy, they haven't mastered space travel yet but they've been eyeing the planet closest to them, bringing back rocks from the moon, etc.

In one apartment complex, there lives a bear family. The furniture is more accommodating to their larger build, clothes are more of an accessory to them considering their luxurious fur coats keeping them warm.

It's nighttime, tomorrow's a Sunday and mom bear has to leave to work early, she's currently washing the dishes leftover from the wonderful dinner the family just had. Her wife, however, is putting their son to bed. it's his second week in elementary bear school! he's unhappy with his seating arrangement in class however, the teacher placed him too far from his best friend.

His mother promises to have a chat with the teacher about it when she drops him off tomorrow, the son bear is very delighted and roars happily. A big yawn escapes him as his eyelids get heavy.

In his arms, there lies a cotton friend. His most beloved treasure, the most precious inanimate object to his heart. His plushie!

He adores it. It makes him so happy. It helped make him feel safe when he first started sleeping alone after his moms got him his own bed.

Now, I need you to tell me what does the plushie look like?

For me, these are the options that instinctively came to my mind when attempting to imagine what sentient bear cubs living in a 21st century would gravitate towards in a plushie.

A) a teddybear, more fluffy, abstract, and cartoonish looking

B) a plushie in the shape of a honeyjar

C) a plushie in the shape of a fish–more specifically, salmon or trout

D) fuck idk man leave me alone

When compressed down to their core, in the most simplfied form, the choices are:

A) Identity

B) Food

C) Food

D) How did you get into my house?

-

With that long analogy out of the way, when you compare that limited selection to the actual things humans have already turned into plushies, it just doesn't make sense.

Food, yes we have plushies of food but also of animals we do not eat. rabbits, cats, dogs, dolphins, bugs. We have plushies of predetors even, things that once hunted us down, beings that still could very well kill us if we meet face to face, tigers, sharks, bears themselves even.

Animal cartoons are much more popular amongst kids. Fables about talking animals have been a stable genre ever since humans invented writing. Animal plushies are popular amongst adults too.

Plushies of inanimate objects, of plants, of fictional characters and fantasy creatures.

I'm willing to bet that humans already made plushies of verans since the first year they came into space, that they sold out on earth immediately. Hell, I'm sure there are plushies of reapers, of protheons and even of turians and other species.

Not even abstract ideas were spared from being into marketable plushies! isn't there a series designed to raise awareness for mental illness?

The whole meme of "turns your fav into a marketable plushie" spread so much because it is true. If there is one thing humans love, is making plushies of anything not human.

And that's the weird part to aliens, the big boy of human anomalies. "Why do they want to cuddle literally everything in this universe? and how come plushies of other humans is the last thing on that list"

You try to explain it to a salarian once but they just look at you in confusion. What do you mean you sleeping with plushes resembling your species is "weird"?? Don't you humans like hugging each other so much? Yet cuddling the soft imitation of a reaper each night isn't weird to you????

That's not even mentioning how the bear society analogy is flawed because we are biased by nature. We projected the bear society onto our human agriculture and based it upon our own popculture.

When in reality they would hold very different values, a different emotional range. They'd be as diverse as the other alien species in mass effect, sharing more resemblance to them than to humans.

We see someone sad, and we have this need to touch them, pat their shoulder, rub their back, hold their hands, and give a hug. Bears let their children walk on their own while we carry our young more, much like aquatic birds in more ways than we'd think.

A/B/O nesting isn't my cup of tea, but with turians, it's easier to digest. Yeah, they are birds. It would be literal nesting. That's kinda cute.

We like caves, it's also cute. Would turians prefer the top bunkbed? Anyway.

Birds usually throw clutter away from their nests, anything that's not a straw or building material is disposed off to make space for their eggs.

While we like the opposite, clutter fucking rocks! at least for humans.

We have a mattress, then a mattress cover, then a sheet.

Then we have pillows, stuffing, then pillow covers, decorative pillows.

After it, multiple blankets! a soft one, a heavy one, an airy one. Sometimes, blankets come with blanket covers.

Finally, the plushies arrive. Multiple of course, some for decorations, others well worn with cuddles. Sometimes a gaint big one to fully wrap all of our limbs around.

Sometimes our beds have crumbs from food we eat in it, othertimes it has a stray sock we took off while in bed and forgot.

Most of the time it has our phone in it, a pet joins us there, book we're reading, laundry we were supposed to fold but forgot, a bag, or several outfits as we get ready to go out.

That's a cave, much like bears leave the skeletal remains of their prey, we have crumbs from the cookie we suddenly craved at 3am.

Nests are neat and clutter-free, at least the bird ones, always getting cleaned from waste. Eggshells are thrown out as they hatch, baby birds waste are immediately disposed of.

Lizard nests aren't that different.

Because the equivalent to a nest foundation isn't the blankets, plushies, or pillows. it's the house foundation itself!

The concrete walls and the sturdy floorboards. The whole bedroom is already a well-built nest. The bed is just an extra cushion. The fluffy material and loose feathers birds leave at the very top, so the twigs don't scratch the fragile eggs.

So, in conclusion. Turians and Salarians would get VERY overwhelmed in a human bedroom, let alone a human bed with plushies, stuffies, and blankets.

They're like, "Are you expecting a baby???" When they notice what their brain consider is extra protective fluffing for eggs.

Turians even more because of their lack of skin nerves, hard plating, and all. Their outershell makes it hard to appreciate soft things, let alone hugging them, when they can barely feel it.

Salarains? They're softer, more squishy, and they might enjoy the way it feels against their skin. Most reptiles do, and they're the closest thing for reference.

They're warm-blooded, but they do originate from a fully tropical planet + they're amphibians and might have used to be semi-aquatic? Meaning that while they still produce their own bodyheat, it wouldn't be that much to begin with. Space is definitely much colder to them than to a human.

That's why hugging a human is so nice to them! They can leech off of your body heat as their very own sun–or at least a substitute for a heatlamp.

But plushies and blankets are a different story. With blankets, they might make them cold or freeze since they blocked whatever light or heatlamp the salarians must need for sleep when they're not wearing their temperature adjustment suits.

And if you sleep next to them under the blanket, your trapped body heat will cause the temperature to rise above what's comfortable for them and risk overheating them. Same with the fluffy sheets, pillows or plushies.

there's the risk of overheating them with your body as the blanket traps in the heat. it will happen slowly, but that just makes it more dangerous. A slow simmer of rising body temperature as they realise what a death trap a human bed actually is.

Plus, salarians only need one hour of sleep per cycle, it seems very excessive to them that you'd build a whole room and make the biggest piece of furniture in it solely for the purpose of sleep. All of those plushies just to hug to sleep?

Drell, who breathe through their skin, would view blankets as a total nightmare. Their clothes already need a lot of adjustment to accommodate their conditions, only certain material is airy enough to allow them to get a lungfull, and you want to suffocate them with cotton or polyester?

They know you only breathe through your nose, but it still...makes them feel uneasy. Seeing you covered completely in stuffies and thick blankets, only your head poking out. Much like what it would feel for us to see someone go to sleep underwater with a flimsy mask connected to an oxygen tank. Now, this is truly a death trap–the salarians were right.

As long as you forgo the blanket and...allow them to fully strip down, they will give this whole human bed thing a try. Silk or satin sheets and pillow covers feel the best against their skin, smooth surfaces that seamlessly glide, air particles passing through it with little trouble.

Anything fluffy, feathery, or with fur will irritate their skin. It's like something brushing against your nose. They sacrifice a lot of comfort when it comes to indulging the human need to cuddle, but most drell rarely complain as they accommodate to your need, even if it meant you'd be slightly cutting off their air circulation.

Maybe their society is exceptionally polite? Maybe devotion and sacrifice for the ones you love are just ingrained in their biology? It would explain their endless royalty to the hanar despite how staying on that planet is literally killing them.

Oh yeah, owning a humidifier in your room will cause them a lot of pain and discomfort. Turn it off, or if you really want to woo a drell, get a dehumidifier.

Krogans would fucking love our beds tho. Might make fun of it at first, but they secretly also want a soft mattress and plushies to cuddle with.

Get close enough with a Krogan, and they'll start crashing in your room and taking naps on your own bed whenever the chance presents itself.

Don't the asari sleep in pods? I'm thinking of that sex scene in ME, she fucks you in a pod. That's something. At least...Liara gets used to human beds?

-

Anway! having established all of that definitely vital and necessary world building, I can finally talk smut about the turians! the original context of this request!

One look at a human's bed and their minds are definitely going south. First of all, human, you're in desperate need of a mate because your nest is a mess! Why do you have so many different fabrics? Aren't you worried you'll suffocate yourself with a plushie or too while sleeping?

Second of all...they didn't know humans were this soft. You mean, most humans sleep like this? In very comfortable beds? Even like...the army tough ones? Oh, that's why they get so excited for shore leave? so they can return to their actual comfortable nests–sorry yes "beds" and have some decent sleep?

huh.

And none of you are expecting children, correct? This is just how the average adult human goes to sleep?

Turians don't have the heart to tell you that they associate soft beds–ones like yours—to the human equivalent of a heart-shaped bed with rose petals scattered around, candles illuminating the room and a very deliberate lack of condoms.

They try not to...think about it whenever they come into the room. A bluish hue adorning their cheeks, trying to avoid eye-contact as they explain that uh...fuck, they accidentally glanced towards your bed and forgot what they came here to say.

I talked before how jarring it's to them that humans easily allow others on their bed, be it human or not. You just casually invite your friends to sit on it? The same sheets you sleep on each night? the one so heavy with your delicious scent they can practically smell it the second they stepped foot into this room?

And now you're telling them to take a seat, even handing them one of your plushies to keep in their lap. What's a friendly gesture and a show of trust is being very very badly misinterpreted by their brain chemistry, their biology going haywire at what they consider the declaration of "Get me pregnant" Whether you're actually capable of it or not.

-

Sidenote, the angara might be the only ones to share our bed preferences, not only that but show enthusiasm at the mention of plushies.

The only difference is that their society values plushies that resemble people more, angara like them. The dolls and plushie lineup are very intertwined.

Cuddling very intimately with someone isn't sexualised either, nor presented under a romantic light necessarily. Their society prides itself on love and affection; they're direct with expressing their emotions.

A single angara family can have many mothers and fathers, tens of sisters and brothers. Cuddling and sharing a bed is very normalised even far into adulthood.

They might be the ones giving humans the wrong idea by immediately inviting them back to cuddle on their bed after only the second meeting. Just because they decided they like you :) It's the equivalent of going out for coffee.

Protheoans, meanwhile, fall on the opposite spectrum. Javik doesn't have a bed, does he? He never asks for one either. They're a society of warriors, they value strength and abhor tenderness. Brutal honesty is their forte.

But...they also read each other's emotions through touch.

While beds are a foreign concept, plushies are not. Javik can sense the history of a room just by directly touching its floorboards. Plushies and other sentimental objects must be valued very greatly in their society, doesn't he hold onto the disk of memories from his time back before being frozen?

He understands why his own species came to value plushies, but why the hell does yours do it? You lack his abilities, all humans do.

You try to explain it to him, but it just sounds like you're describing vague and badly done emotion reading with extra steps.

He concludes that humans must hold traces of these abilities. It just translates into safety and the need to cuddle others. Also, it is clearly inferior to the protheon's advanced ability, so yeah.

Javik dislikes your bed but likes your plushies and actually welcomes cuddling. He remains stoic throughout it but you can feel him poking through your memories.

Same with your plushies, he asks that he may keep one as a relic. A piece of your soul, your history is encased in it like an artifact in amber.

Touching it almost feels exactly like travelling in time to meet your old self, getting to part the curtians of space itself and get a front row view on the person you used to be.

Plushies immortalise you to protheans, who would've thought.

-

I had so much fun with this an analysis it <333 I know it isn't exactly what you had in mind anon, I'm sorry, A/B/O is listed as a "no" in my requesting list. But the concept was so good I had to approach it in a different direction.

I hope you still enjoyed it!

[jujumin-translates]

★ Main Story | Act 13 - Budding Spring | Chapter 24 - Family Wish

Chikage: Well then, take care.

Company Employee A: Huh? You’re not on the same flight, Utsuki-san?

Chikage: I still have a few errands left to take care of, so I switched my flight to tomorrow.

Company Employee A: I see. Well, you were a lifesaver this time. Thank you so much.

Company Employee B: It was thanks to you that we were able to successfully conclude our business negotiations, Utsuki-san. Their attitude towards the whole thing softened considerably compared to when we first asked.

Company Employee B: The power of language really is incredible.

Chikage: I’m glad I could help.

Company Employee A: Well then, we’ll take our leave.

Chikage: Good work.

*Footsteps*

Chikage: (Alright… Just in time to catch the next bus.)

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Chikage: (It’s going to be a while from here, so I guess I’ll get some work done.)

Chikage: …

*Typing*

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Driver: 《Have a nice trip!》

Chikage: 《Thank you.》

Chikage: (I guess he can tell by my outfit that I’m not a local.)

Chikage: (Has it really been almost twenty years…?)

Chikage: (The city really has changed a lot since then. Well, that thing can’t be the same after all this time, right…?)

Chikage: (Anyway, the place where people are likely to gather is…)

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Shopkeeper: 《Welcome.》

Customer A: 《That was so crazy back then!》

Customer B: 《I know, right?》

Customer C: 《Dad, they said it’s still gonna be a while.》

Customer D: 《Let’s just have dinner first.》

Customer E: 《What are we gonna eat?》

Customer F: 《I’m not really that hungry, though.》

Chikage: (How nostalgic. Just sitting here, there’s all kinds of languages being thrown around.)

Chikage: (This is a great place to get some multilingual input.)

Chikage: (If we as a theater company are going to expand our overseas outreach in the future, there’s no better way to do it than to have correspondence in as many languages as possible…)

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Chikage: (If I relax for any longer, I’ll miss the bus.)

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

*Footsteps*

Chikage: (The wall of this vacant lot… there’s even more graffiti than I remember. Was there really that much written on it before?)

Chikage: (It doesn’t seem like it’s gotten any less safe, at least.)

Resident: 《That area’s already all filled up. You’d have to write really small if ya wanted to put something there.》

Chikage: 《Does the graffiti here have some sort of meaning?》

Resident: 《Ahh, so you don’t know? Somewhere along the line, a rumor started goin’ around that if you wrote your name here, your dreams would come true.》

Resident: 《Even tourists started writin’ things here.》

Resident: 《Well, the owner doesn’t mind it, so it all just stays here.》

Resident: 《At first, there were just one or two things written up there.》

Chikage: --.

Chikage: (This is… my name…)

Chikage: (There’s only one person who would’ve done this. There’s no mistaking it, that handwriting is his--.)

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

“Hey.”

“Do you have a family?”

“Do you have a dream?”

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Chikage: …

Chikage: (Dreams coming true, huh? What came first, the rumor, or the name…)

Chikage: (Hah, even now I still can’t figure out what he was thinking.)

Chikage: (Dreams, huh… Maybe the reason I was able to come here was because mine came true.)

Resident: 《Hm? I feel like I’ve seen your face somewhere before… Nah, you just look like an acquaintance of mine.》

Chikage: ?

Resident: 《You kinda look like an old colleague of mine. Your smile, especially.》

Resident: 《He passed away decades ago, though.》

Resident: 《His wife also passed away a few years back due to an illness… I’m pretty sure they had a son, but I think he was sent somewhere far away, or something like that.》

Chikage: 《...I’ve heard that I have distant relatives from around this area, so maybe there’s a connection there.》

Resident: 《Maybe so. If only his wife were still alive… I’m sure she’d be happy.》

Resident: 《A while back, I asked her about her son, and she said she’d probably never see him again, but all she hoped was that he wasn’t alone.》

Resident: 《Lookin’ at you, I feel like I’m seein’ their son.》

Chikage: …

Chikage: (Selfish to the very end.)

Chikage: (I didn’t feel loved by them. Hell, I don’t even know if I love them.)

Chikage: (As a kid, they were like a huge, detestable existence that loomed over me. Even after they left me, no matter how much time passed, they stayed imprinted on me, like a scar that can’t be removed…)

Chikage: (But, I get it now… I never have to look at this name again.)

Chikage: (It doesn’t exist anywhere in this world.)

Chikage: (...I wonder what this feeling is. It’s not really nostalgia, sadness, or relief.)

Chikage: (It’s like one small sense of closure… It feels like it’s fitting into my heart somewhere. Like a book fitting into a shelf where it belongs.)

Resident: 《If you have distant relatives around here, why not visit their graves?》

Chikage: 《--I’ll have to pass since I have a bus to catch. I need to get back to my family soon.》

Resident: 《Gotcha, have a good trip.》

Chikage: 《Thank you very much.》

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

Chikage: (...I sort of doubt there will be anyone on at this time.)

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

UC has entered the chat.

UC: I’m on my way to the hotel near the airport now.

taruchi: gg

UC: Ah, I see. We must be fairly close.

taruchi: well, think i’m somewhere between japan and u

taruchi: how’d ur new challenge go?

UC: How indeed. I do know that I’m glad I came here, at least.

[ ⇠ Previous Part ] • [ Next Part ⇢ ]

[yoki-doki-then]

FFXIV Write 2024 - T W O H E A D S A R E B E T T E R T H A N O N E

“Hey, Aika?”

“Yes, Yoki?”

“Do you think they're actually... dead? My parents? My brother?”

Two Lalafells sit under the evening sky, decorum and their rift of status discarded under the watch of the stars and moon above. Ul'dah's night life quiets near their restaurant, both clad in more pedestrian garments than their norm. It's incognito, in way. The world breezes past them, ignorant to their deeper stories.

“In all technical and probable likelihood, Yoki, they are dead.”

“... But do you think they are?”

“No.” Aika speaks before her mind can catch her heart, and she swallows hard. Her fingers twitch near the collar of her dress, looking for something to claw at, but she stills her digits. “I do not,” she reinforces eventually. “It wouldn't make sense?”

“Dramatically speaking, it does. We are... 'were' a rather tumultuous family. It's kinda hard to find the good notes hidden in discord. I remember some. But a lot of it was drama. The silent kind of drama that slowly out from inside holes. 'You didn't notice me when you started this', it's gonna whisper as it eats a rib, 'and now you'll regret it'. That kinda drama.”

“You are wonderfully melancholic, Yoki,” says Aika with a loving sigh. “But, no. I don't think they are.”

“Why not?”

“I saw the family's drama too. I've lived through it. But I've also seen the kindnesses they've shared. The pain. The... well, pleasure. I think it's more complicated than just a sweeping 'they were bad'. Even if some parts were certainly ill.”

“All it takes is a weakness for the Final Days to steal your soul, to my understanding.”

“Maybe. But they are not weak people. They're less stubborn than you, but fight hard for second place.”

The younger woman giggles a touch. “I'd like to hope so.”

“Don't just hope. Keep surviving. Thrive. Eventually, I'm sure the chance will come for you to reconnect with them, wherever they might be.”

“You too, right?”

“... Pardon?”

“Aika. I know we have this sorta-weird relationship of money going between us, but I do like to think of you as... I don't really know the word. You're a part of my world.”

“... I appreciate that, Yoki. I do.”

“I've another adventure to go on. It's something... I don't really know what it's about yet. But I'm setting out for an airship tomorrow to meet with a bunch of others. I hope it goes well. When it's over and I come back, do you think you could help me look for my family? I want this to end. I want proof, or I want them in my arms.”

Aika looks down at her lap. Her palms tingle, and she rubs them together to try to fight back the nerves. “I would like to do that. I will. There's things I know I've kept to myself, I suppose. Out of care. You understand, I hope? I-”

“I understand. Well, I don't, but I demand myself to understand.” “Pfeh.” Aika's laugh, despite all her normal airs of decorum, was always her most undignified trait. It rumbled in her throat and bubbled to the back of her mouth, coming mostly through her nose. When she recovers, she continues. “I'll be open about anything you ask, and even things you wouldn't. I want my life to start its next chapter as well.”

“... Then here's to a good adventure for me, and a fine tomorrow for us.”

Yoki's sister smiles and picks up her glass on the table. It's empty, long-since drained, but she feels the bounty of grapes in it regardless. “Here's to.” She sips air.

It's delicious.

[encrucijada]

BABYLON BOY & GOSSAMER GIRL by pía & teddy

♡ genre & categroy: literary fiction, adult

♡ pov: dual 3rd person

♡ teddy and i revisited the beginnings of mari & theo and came out of it with a rewrite of their first story that reclaimed its place as their real canon??, duology + all the novellas we want, alliteration galore, sometimes all you need is a personal project with your qpp

♡ a reminder that teddy is @teddywriting

♡ cw: drug addiction, child neglect, homelessness, imperfect recovery, unmedicated mental illness

♡ themes: second opportunities, self-love, family both chosen and born, gentleness, what if choosing to live your life was an option

a b o u t :

babylon boy - circa late 00s. theo and maripaz find each other while searching for meaning, but they're not quite the answer they were looking for. having independently run away from home they are focused on survival. maripaz left behind a family with more kids her parents knew what to do with and a boyfriend she never really liked. theo cut his family's losses and he hopes eventually they will stop missing him, his problems are his own. survival leads to companionship leads to friendship leads to i would be really bummed if you ever parted from me. there is no future as they hop from place to place, shoplift, and try to have a night of rest, there is only today and maybe tomorrow. gossamer girl - circa early 10s. the most earth shattering things still happen walking down the street or in the store.

in other words: a story told in two parts (plus a few others) about maripaz and theo—who ran away from home to spare their families the trouble. maripaz was only taking up space in her house and theo definitely does not have a drug addiction problem. they meet when theo helps maripaz shoplift from a grocery store and he steals one of the two necklaces she brought with her, this one with an angel charm (this is important). teddy is writing the theo pov and i am writing the mari pov and they go back and forth throughout.

c h a r a c t e r s :

maría paz "maripaz" vega. would rather die than ever express a want or need. should be dancing to abba at a discotheque. loves valentine's day themed stuff unironically. sixth daughter of eight kids. audhd. constantly interrupting her narration with snippets of the past. wants love to fix her so so bad. i think that i'm not who you think i am / but i like to be seen and i like to be wanted [better than this - lizzy mcalpine].

theodore "theo" rayes. hasn't had a problem ever his brain is so normal promise. should be doing silly tricks at the skate park. smartest stupidest pretty boy you'll ever meet. twin brother (older). autistic. constantly interrupting his narration with daydreams of the future. has these drugs under control (trust me). medicate, meditate, save your soul for jesus / throw a punch, fall in love, give yourself a reason [call your mum - noah kahan].

the actual plot is less important than these two's emotional journeys. the conflict comes from... why isn't how much i love you enough to make everything right? what if you wanted someone to choose you and mean it. what if you wanted to be someone people can rely on. what if we were what the other person is looking for but where we're at right now is making it so hard but here we are, we are staying.

aesthetic: the changing lights of a carnival ferris wheel, tongues coloured from candy, heart-shaped sunglasses, intertwined fingers, the murmur of the ocean tide, fine white sand, pink and orange sunsets, hands sticky from melting ice cream, light refracted on a suncatcher, cramped secondhand bookstores, the buzz of fluorescent lights in a hospital waiting room, freckle-covered cheeks, the heads of strawberries, nightlife lights refracted on wet pavement, a necklace you never take off, rhinestone decorated flip phones, a steady heartbeat, graffities that scream for something more, homemade plastic jewellery, the light behind your head looks like a halo, tangled bedsheets, soft music at the grocery store, the cold of the frozen aisle, photographs from disposable cameras, porcelain angels

snippet for you:

Watermelon in triangles.

“That one’s mine.” Carla had grabbed one of the soup bowls, then the watermelon Maripaz had picked, and another one. Juan Pa had left then unattended after calling up the stairs if anyone wanted any.

“Girls,” Mum called from the living room, her telenovela was so loud Maripaz had been able to hear it from the second floor. Bringing herself to do homework before dark was hard enough. “No fighting, please. I don’t want to deal with this.”

Carla had watermelon juice, a single drop of it, rolling down her chin. “Don’t make a scene. It’s just fucking watermelon, just grab another one.”

Maripaz made a scene.

The soup bowl broke into six separate pieces when it crashed on the floor. Carla screamed, not from pain, but indignation and anger. She shoved Maripaz so hard she knocked over one of the kitchen table chairs.

“Girls! Por el amor de Dios, not one second of peace in this house.”

the universe as a whole has been baptised as HOME HABITAT. but you will see this tagged as #bb&gg, as well as any variation of #maripaz&theo. teddy and i have at least 2 novellas planned to bridge the gap between babylon boy and gossamer girl, and one prequel about maripaz's oldest sister. but more on that some other time!

[send-up-my-heart-to-you]

in honor of world mental health day heres my story below the cut :)

kinda hard to talk abt this cause its somewhat triggering and ik theres gonna be ppl who think im just an emo 15 y/o, but i swear im not tryna be dramatic. im tryna make peace with my past, and also show others that despite everything, you can make it.

also, im tryna show that healing isnt all sunshine and daises. theres the good, the bad, and the ugly. you can and will survive it all

tw: sewerslide attempt, abusive parents, self harm, violence ig ?

ive died two times in my life so far.

the first time, it was my parents who killed me. december 31st, 2020, ~1.15am. i remember dragging across the hallway in my house, a throbbing sensation in my thigh, the mark already turning purple. i walked past my younger sisters' room, where my cousin was sleeping over with them, and i remember climbing into bed, hugging my pillow, crying against the pillow. that night, it was my innocence that died. my childhood happiness, per se. i remember swearing to myself in those final moments before darkness that id never forget that day. december 31st, 2020, ~1.15am.

the time between my two deaths was filled with barely anything other than self loathing. i remember trying to set goals for myself, reasons to live. i tried out new hobbies. i was never able to meet those goals, and all the hobbies bored me.

i met some of the best people ever during that time. i also met some of the worst. i might sound dramatic, cause im young and impressionable, but the people i met during that time genuinely shaped who i am. i dont wanna act like im an old soul or anything, cause im sure that in a few years imma look back and think, "shit, i was really immature." but i matured faster than others my age. i found myself faster, found things i liked, found love, found out i hated being in love.

and then i died again.

this was a recent death. june 22, 2023. my mental health had been deteriorating for months prior – i still have scars on my arms.

it was a slower death compared to the last one. i started dying at around 4.00pm. it went on for an hour before the pain became unbearable and i confessed to my parents. i didnt want to go to the hospital, i was scared of what theyd do. i threw up seven times before giving in at about 8.00pm. they took me to the hospital. i was told told me i was lucky to be alive, that my liver was still functional. i didnt feel lucky. i felt like death wouldve been less painful. my head was spinning

i died in that hospital bed, at ~9.40pm, with my eyes wide open, my mom sitting near me. my thoughts at the time were along the lines of this:

im quite literally a child in the eyes of the world. ive done nothing. i have a psychology exam tomorrow. i have a book im halfway done writing, and a new story thats been brewing in my head for months. but if i die now, ill never get to finish any of that. ill never succeed. ill never be able to spit in the faces of the girls who bullied me, of the teachers who doubted me. why would i do this to myself? why would i rob myself of that chance?

so i died. but not the same way as last time. this time, it was the poisonous me that died, the me that whispered in my ear that my life would amount to nothing, that everyone else had it better, that you either succeed or you dont.

and when i died the second time, something happened that didnt happen the first time.

i was reborn.

at the time of me writing this, its been less than four months since my rebirth. in those four months:

i decided to change the world somehow. not necessarily by finding the cure to cancer or anything, id be satisfied if it was just a cute lil video i made going viral. as long as theres someone out there who i changed

i finished about six chapters of my book

i began writing the story that had been brewing in my head

i started lifting weights to make myself feel better abt how i looked

i got closer to god. stopped missing prayer

i moved schools, leaving behind both bullies and friends

i started focusing on my studies

i tried to fix my relationships with my parents and my siblings

dont get me wrong. none of these are completed. im still an extreme case of nobody-ness. i havent finished writing either of my stories. i still skip out on working out a lot i still only do the bare minimum in terms of religion. im still struggling to catch up in school to make up for my three years of burnout. my relationship with my family is still kinda weird

and i still feel like im dying sometimes. its not like i changed overnight and all those suicidal thoughts and feelings of drowning just disappeared when the sunrays came up. theres still a lot of issues in my life.

but i have faith in myself. in my ability to change the things that can be changed. in creating happiness where theres room for it to be made.

and if finding happiness a losing battle?

well, ill fight like its the fucking boudican revolt.

[futuristicpenguinwizard]

Can I have some wimp of one of your Lucemond’s fic?

Aemond was severely sick. All the maesters that saw his condition said the same thing. 'The boy is with the flower sickness' which Aemond found to be another name for hormonal problems. But he didn't know why it was so bad, or why it hurted so much. He was five days straight in his bed, he couldn't even get up due to sickness. And on the seventh day it was when they started to think that it might not be a simple sickness condition. What could have caused such a thing? Nobody knew. Queen Alicent refused to let anyone but Aemond's maesters and personal servants into the chamber. She refused to let anyone see him. On the eleventh day in confinement, the whispers began, saying that Aemond had some kind of illness, an illness that can be passed from person to person and therefore the queen would not let anyone, not even her own children, into Aemond's room. And over time, when the servants began to hear the sound of ghostly steps next to the young prince's chambers, up and down the halls, always after lunch and before dinner. Many thought that perhaps the prince had an illness brought on by one of the ghosts of Red keep, but the truth was much simpler than that, Aemond received regular visits from his nephew, Lucerys. 

On that particular afternoon, the steps were tighter, faster, as if someone was in a big hurry. And indeed, Lucerys was in a hurry that day. He wouldn't stay for lunch, he would have to go traveling with his grandsire, Corlys. He was willing to see Aemond before the day after tomorrow, which was when he would finally return. Aemond heard the soft knocks of the wall. The secret knocks between him and Lucerys. He'd be lying if he said the highlight of his day wasn't waiting for Lucerys. He didn't have much to do while confined. Aemond rose from his bed and walked barefoot to where the passageway's door was. The omega then pulled up a chair, a heavy chair that made a squeaky noise when dragged across the floor. The chair stopped along with its feet in front of a wall sconce, he made a point to climb carefully onto the chair and when he stabilized himself in the chair that was shaking from the unevenness of the floor, he pulled the sconce with both hands. 

"Aemond." Lucerys's cheerful voice was quickly present in the chamber as soon as the door was opened.

"Luke, what are you doing here?" Aemond carefully climbed down from his chair. He broke away immediately in a short laugh when he saw Lucerys' smile, who was missing one of his front teeth. Aemond found it funny, especially when he whistled through the hole accidentally.

"I came to see you." Lucerys said "I brought you lemon pie." Aemond looked down at the plate in his nephew's hand. Aemond was confined within the walls of not only his room, but also of the castle, his own walls. He was a stranger to everyone, to himself, but somehow he found comfort in Lucerys, from his jokes and his small gestures. Aemond knew his mother disliked him spending too much time with Lucerys, but he felt very close to his nephew. He felt like he belonged somewhere when they talked, when they spent time together.

"We can't be alone in the room, I'm still in my nightgown."  Aemond said, taking the plate from Lucerys' hand with an almost imperceptible smile. "Give me the fork." He extended his right hand towards the boy who was just watching him carefully. Lucerys with no second thoughts gave him the fork "Thank you." Aemond walked to the couch in his room carefully, staggering a little, due to dizziness. 

"Are you alright?" Lucerys asked. It was obvious that Aemond wasn't well, but nobody told Luke how his uncle was, if he was fine, if he was eating right. People just said Aemond couldn't play with him and Arrax, which made Lucerys sad, not only because he wanted to be close to Aemond, but also because he knew that Aemond liked to be close to Arrax, he knew the boy fantasized about having a dragon, that none of his eggs had hatched so he blamed himself. Lucerys hated to see Aemond sad, maybe that was the worst part of being friends with his uncle. Aemond always carried guilt with him, he felt like he was not enough, and even Lucerys being young he understood that, and that made him as much as sad as Aemond.

"No." Aemond was simple. "My mother said I'm sick with a terrible disease." For a few seconds, Lucerys was afraid this meant the imminent death of the person he considered to be more than his best friend.

[canary0]

August 23 - Dracula 2023

The Diary of Mina Harker

I'm getting worried. We have been keeping a watch lately, but Lucy managed to get the crucifix down from her window in her sleep and made it out to the churchyard again. It almost goes without saying that her health has taken a turn and she's quite weak now. We've made the decision that moving forward, I should sleep in her room with her. I will miss out on time with Jonathan, and I am quite worried about him, too, given the fiend's equal interest in him, but Lucy appears to be his main target for now. Lucy herself much approved of this plan, and sweetly spoke of how it would be like sleepovers when we were just girls.

Jonathan is recovering as well after the increase in his illness the other day. He remains quite pale, though, and I worry for lingering anemia. He and Lucy look a bit similar at the moment, but Jonathan seems to be stronger... more than he used to be, if anything, which is surprising. He and Lucy are rather comparable in build, with Jonathan perhaps slightly the smaller of the two. I wonder if Mr. Morris would be willing to room with Jonathan to keep an eye on him and make sure both of the monster's interests have an eye on them?

Fortunately, Dr. Seward has been a great help with Lucy's health. He's been keeping an eye on her vitals and ensuring that she eats well for reviving her health.

Dr. Stankiewicz arrived today, and she looks a good bit different while on vacation than she did while working, with her lab coat traded in for torn jeans, and a flannel overshirt. She did bring medical equipment and, of all things, her own autoclave, which she set up in the kitchen. Fortunately, the Westenras' kitchen is quite generously sized, and the machine itself isn't huge. She quite brusquely informed us that she expected to be here on a working vacation, so she came prepared, though she didn't expect two people. I was a little put out - both of them had been very careful, but fate had put them in the wrong place at the wrong time. She smiled at that, though, and told me she knew, and that neither was in any way at fault for their situations. We would try to improve them.

She proceeded to take down everyone's blood types. Lucy is apparently AB+, which is good to learn. She can receive blood from any of us, so transfusions won't be an issue for her. Jonathan will have a bit more trouble, with B- - not exactly common, and he can't get it from just anyone.

Dr. Abraham Van Helsing arrived later that same day. Unlike Dr. Stankiewicz, he seems like quite the jovial and personable sort. He is also quite in contrast to his protege, Dr. Seward, in that way. By the time he arrived, there was only time for a late dinner, however. We will start the arduous process of going over what information we have tomorrow. Hopefully Arthur will be able to make it soon. I will be arranging the physical records during the meeting tomorrow and starting a file on everything we have.

God willing, we and the three doctors together will be able to make some sense out of everything going on.

---

The Diary of Jack Seward

Woken in the middle of the night by a report from the hospital. Apparently more strange behavior from Renfield. Apparently he became quite agitated around sundown, yelling and seemingly trying to shake the bars on the window, immobile though they are. "That's it! It's you!" He was yelling out according the the nurse's report.

She moved to the window to try and see what he was yelling at, but all she could see outside was an unusually large bat. She apparently did call animal control to report a potential invasive species appearance, but there wasn't much else she could do. Renfield remained upset, but he was not a danger to himself or others, it seemed, so he was allowed to express his piece. Eventually, after roughly 45 minutes of terrified ranting, he calmed, seeming to exhaust himself.

I'm concerned about this new change in him. I've given orders for the therapist to speak with him about it tomorrow. Hopefully we'll find out more.

[night-dark-woods]

ID. photo of a whiteboard with bullet points written on it, titled "Stocking Reminders."

Top stock goes in the same 4' section as the stock.

Each SKU's overstock should be all in one spot. (below this point there is a diagram of a shelf with colorcoded boxes, one mixed up and one with the colors together)

Don't overfill hooks/shelves. There should be one straight line of product! If it won't hang nicely that is too much.

End ID.

end of my fucking rope tuesday. this won't stop my coworkers because they can't read but the amount of topstock i found in fucking random aisles today was truly absurd. like we've graduated from putting it in the same aisle 16ft away on the opposite side (annoying but at least line of sight) to putting it in topstock in its unlabeled cardboard shipping box, three aisles away, in a different department.

other highlights of today:

i asked this kid to downstock One Aisle and he spent 3(?) hours standing over there doing, as far as i can tell, nothing. which dgmw i can respect. minimum wage => minimum effort but my man that wasn't even CLOSE to the minimum and you are actively making everyone else's lives more difficult!!!

hardware mgr tried to have someone else (the aforementioned kid who can't even put stock in the right spot!!!) do counts on stock, BEHIND MY BACK, AGAIN. so i started off the day with an argument with him. bc if im not shooting outs regularly enough for you fucking TALK TO ME. and i will tell you what i need, which is you to do your fucking JOB and MANAGE YOUR PEOPLE. and get on their asses to actually maintain their sections!!! i could do the whole fucking store in an hour if literally anyone else did their jobs!!!

got a new rope assortment in from a new vendor, hardware mgr packed up the old stuff for buyback but ALSO managed to pack up a bunch of the NEW stuff with it despite the packaging being a completely different color AND saying the new brand name, so i had to go digging in 15 different taped-shut boxes to find it back.

just some truly atrocious and annoying customers. girl if youre in a hurry that is YOUR problem for not planning. i cant read your mind and i cant give you an answer if you cant explain your problem to me.

got called "ladies" collectively about 8 times today by my coworker who a) does ABA as his other job b) asked me if ozzy was my "real name" and c) said he used to be a liberal but he thinks there are more important things than peoples' identities. we're mostly copacetic now though bc he sees how much work i do and also we've commiserated about the state of the educational system & when he was talking about how "boys and girls learn differently" i very lightly floated the "well, i don't think that's inherent necessarily, you know, like we're raised and taught certain ways to be from SUCH a young age, and kids pick up on stuff pretty fast," and he was like huh ive never thought about that. ill have to think about that. so not unsalvageable! just a particular Kind Of Guy.

they're doing work on the roof and they fucking broke the ancient drainpipe that runs through our upstairs backstock area, so theres like three totes worth of roof-water-soaked merchandise that i have to take out of inventory tomorrow. and everything else in that backstock area has a fine coating of rust flakes from the disintegrating ceiling. and i was paged up there to help sort thru the stock and like. there are THREE PEOPLE here today who actually have a manager title, which I DONT!!! so why cant the three of you take care of it!!! and i KNOW its bc im good at problem-solving and don't really say no and would do it faster than anyone else but god. come on. its putting wet stock in totes.

also in the last 30 min of my shift (in the hardware dept!!! doing inventory counts!!!) my coworker walkied Me, Specifically, even though i knowww they were fully staffed in cashiers and housewares today, to pick up a call from a specific problem customer ABOUT A HOUSEWARES PRODUCT. bro i know FULL WELL you are doing fucking nothing but online shopping on the work computer, you fucking handle it!!! im on a DIFFERENT FLOOR and im busy doing other shit!!!

and its only tuesday!!! yippee!!!

[jessicas-pi]

I just did like 25 more incorrect quotes featuring Jacen, Poe, and my OCs Rune, Diani, and Luce

Jacen: How do you want your coffee?  Rune: Black, like my soul.  Jacen:  Jacen: Rune, your soul is a latte. 

---

Rune: The real treasure was the memories we made along the way.  Luce: I almost died.  Rune: That... was my favorite memory. 

---

Rune, to Poe: I'll be under the mistletoe when you start feeling desperate! 

---

Luce: *looks at Caleb*  Luce: Baby boy. Baby.  Luce: *looks at Rune*  Luce: Evil. 

---

Diani: You look mentally ill.  Jacen: I am. Let’s go. --- 

Rune: Luce, what are you doing tomorrow?  Luce: Having my day ruined by whatever you’re about to ask me to do. 

---

Rune: You call it "really bad at darts", I call it "freestyle acupuncture."  Bartender: ...I'm going to have to ask you to leave the bar. 

---

Diani: My heart is guarded but like… very poorly. The kind of guards that would let 3 kids in a trench coat into an R rated movie. 

---

Diani: There’s no “I” in team, but there is one in pizza.  Rune: So, you’re not going to share?  Diani: I’m not going to share. 

---

Rune: I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say ‘wow’ that many times during their first session with a client, but here we are. 

---

Rune: So I can either do something dumb that could very well get me injured or I can listen to Diani and not do the thing.  Rune: Well there’s a clear right answer here.  Rune: *proceeds to throw five packs of mentos into a barrel full of diet coke* 

---

Rune: A fistfight CAN be romantic. 

---

Rune: I want a bf.  Jacen: Do you mean best friend, boyfriend or bread feast? Because you’re being really vague here. 

---

Jaen: Is this your plan B?  Poe: Technically, this is plan P.  Jacen: Plan P? Is there a plan M?  Poe: Yes, but I marry Rune in plan M.  Rune: I like plan M. 

---

Jacen: HYDRATE OR DIE-DRATE!  Jacen: *aggressively throws water bottles*  Rune: Uh... what's up with him?  Poe: He’s trying to yell mental health and wellbeing into us.  Jacen: I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU!  Diani, crying: It's working. 

---

Rune: How do Jacen and Poe usually get out of these messes?  Diani: They don't. They just make a bigger mess that cancels the first one out. 

---

Diani: We need a distraction.  Poe: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises? Rune, whispering: My time has come. 

---

Diani: I am convinced Rune and Poe share a brain cell.  Jacen: And it's not in use very often, it seems.

---

Rune: Could you guys at least try to see this from my perspective?  Jacen: *crouches down*  Diani: *kneels down*  Poe: *sits on the floor*  Rune:  Rune: I hate all of you. 

---

Rune: Now, if I may speak for good-looking people everywhere...  Luce: Only as their rodeo clown. 

---

Jacen: The odds of this happening by coincidence are vanishingly small.  Diani: I would say infinitesimally.  Rune: And I'd say teenily-weenily. We all know words. 

---

Poe: I made this friendship bracelet for you.  Diani: You know, I’m not really a jewelry person. Poe: You don’t have to wear…  Diani: No, I’m gonna wear it forever. Back off. 

---

Rune: Sometimes, I don’t realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird. 

---

Rune: Made you all playlists!  Rune: Diani, yours has only heavy metal, and is dark like your soul.  Rune: Jacen, yours has sad songs and blues to pair with your crippling depression.  Rune: And Poe has the ABBA Gold album. 

---

Rune, trying to comfort Diani: What's the problem? Anxiety? Low self-esteem? Obsessive thoughts of random arson? I've been there.

[tobiasdrake]

B&E in a necromancer's lair. We're here to crack some skulls and we don't care whether they're animate or not. I got the looting bag. Grab whatever isn't nailed down.

Coffins and books. All the walls decorated with coffins and books. I don't know how she keeps them all organized.

"Shit, I need Archaic Fortunes of the Ill-Contented. Was that over with Johnson, Miller, or Woodkip?"

There's no way in hell she actually reads these. Cataloguing them this way would make keeping track of them next to impossible. These books are purely decorative. She's doing that middle- and upper-class thing where people buy books just to put on their shelves to make them look smart.

Oh, and the keys are alive. That's convenient. Living skeleton keys make for a nice show of force. Very intimidating, probably helps out in negotiations. But a door that can be opened by hitting something in the room with a stick is nonetheless a door that is not very well secured.

But enough about that. We have a nice, roaring fire so let's take a break for story time.

Ohh, that's how we become a Solstice pair. A bird flings us onto that prison of an island as a means of containment. Gotcha. I'm following along.

Hold up. That's an option? I can actually become God-Empress? Is there any way you could stop telling this story and instead explain more about that because I am fascinated by the implications.

This is why Serai was nervous about pitting us against the Necromancer, then. The Three Sisters are the same kind of thing that we are.

What an asshole thing to do.

So Roro was literally born evil. Okay. That calls into serious question how morally culpable she even is for all this necromancer business. If the Three Sisters are morally compelled by the forces of their birth then they aren't even really sentient. She is no more making a choice to do any of this than Garl is making a choice to go get eaten by the Dweller.

Oh, Momo's one of us. I wonder if she has any relationship to Moraine. Their names are annoyingly similar. Hmm.

Was she a sun or moon warrior? I'm going to assume moon on the grounds that it's the better of the two.

Yoyo decided to go be the creepy swamp lady who emerges out of the darkness to tell your fortune. It's a vibe. I get it.

Yeah, you can't really be metaphysically compelled to absolute neutrality without being an irritating centrist. She is magically blocked from being able to form opinions on things. That must suck.

What must their childhoods have been like?

Roro: Hey, for lunch do you want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or a soggy leaf covered in mud? Yoyo: Either is acceptable. Momo: HEY. NO. STOP THAT. Roro: But she said it's fine!

Green fire.

Like the green lantern by the fireplace or the green candles just a short way to the northeast. Man, getting a green flame for our return passage is going to be a piece of cake. How convenient.

Until otherwise noted, I'm going with that latter one. I've chalked them up to "Sometimes weird shit happens". Life is strange, and when you throw magic and destiny and gods into the mix, it gets stranger. The universe owes you no explanations for the wild shit it does sometimes. We could all die tomorrow and never even know why.

They're a weird thing that happened one day. One of them's dead now and another one's probably going to be soon, if this burglary-turned-robbery continues to snowball. Then the world will continue to turn as if they were never here.

...

Thank you for being here to read us stories, Teaks. I appreciate your existence with me in this moment.

Gross gross gross gross gross gross gross I hate this island so much gross gross gross gross

Honestly, I'm impressed with her corpse horde. Do you think she killed all these people herself, or has she been raiding graveyards? It can't have been easy to stockpile bodies on the same island where the Dweller's cattle-ranching villagers.

Unless whatever the Dweller's doing to them doesn't damage the body too much. Hmm. They could be friends or business associates or something. Roro gets the bodies once the Dweller's done doing whatever to them? Like letting your dog chew on your steak bone.

You don't need to be so formal; This is just a robbery.

Hands in the air. Bring out the soulstones and nobody has to get hurt. ...well, I broke a lot of kneecaps getting here. Left several zombies in pieces. Roughed up your duke.

Else. Nobody else has to get hurt. Specifically you, I-I'm threatening you and...

...

You know what, I should have rehearsed this. Can I get a do-over?

Oh, sorry, I'm legally prohibited from accepting that offer. See, I'm already enlisted in a morally ambiguous paramilitary organization and they made us sign non-compete clauses when we were enrolling in the Academy. Hands are tied.

...wait, wasn't your sister Headmistress? Oh, that's probably why the non-compete clauses were in the contract. Huh, the more you know.

Roro's coyly trying to reframe the narrative and call us out for our "RPG adventurer" plundering. And me, I'm over here like "I know what I'm about. Stick 'em up and give me the goods."

There's that ascension thing again. You gonna give us some more context on what that means or....

Fuck, I know those names. Solena and Luan. Solena and... I think the villagers back in our prison town were talking about them. They are actively worshipped as sun and moon deities where we come from.

So that's a no on context, then. Everyone's gotta be a cryptic fucking asshole about everything.

Fine. You know what? Drip-fed lore teases always makes me want to break someone's nose, so let's go.

Choke on my staff you cryptic bonebag. I'm gonna use your phylactery to mark my place in one of the books you never read.

That's what I thought. Consider yourself mugged, Roro. Give up the rock and this can all be over.

Mission accomplished.

I gotta say, I'm proud of everyone. We did a fantastic job here, each and every one of us. Truly admirable performance; Heroic, even. I'm sure Momo must be looking down on us, beaming with pride for what her legacy has become.

Today, we have truly exemplified what a Solstice Warrior can be.

[wisteria-lodge]

burnt lion primary (modeling bird with badger system) + lion secondary (heavy badger model) (fun bird model)

Attempting to write this on my phone as my laptop charger is broken and the replacement doesn’t arrive until tomorrow. I could just wait but I’m impatient and ADHD and I want to do this now. Anyways, I’ve been thinking of myself as a bird primary / snake model for a bit, but today I realized I might be badger, with a wide definition of “group,” and possibly a bird model? I’m sort of lost on secondary, though.

With this opening, I’m kind of thinking an In-the-Moment secondary rather than a Prep-work secondary.

Today I bought a homeless woman some food and sat down with her and gave her my number when she asked. My partner pointed out to me that this was incredibly unsafe. I blocked her but I feel so horribly guilty about it as I told her I’d go see her again in 2 days. Everyone is telling me that I need to prioritize my own safety, and I suppose logically I know that, but it doesn’t stop me from crying. I think I might live with this guilt for the rest of my life- and when I had that thought, it hit me that I could be a badger.

Hmm. There’s a lot to unpack here. I mean breaking a promise just feels shitty on a human level, and my instinct tells me there’s probably some third option - take someone with you when you go maybe. But it’s also totally possible there’s not. That’s not what I’m speculating on here.

In terms of this system, you helped someone out in what sounds like a totally unplanned, spur-of-the-moment kind of thing (which makes me think lion or snake, and I’m leaning lion because the honest directness of handing out your phone number.)

Then, your partner and “everyone” tells you that you went too far, and you go along with them, but feel really REALLY guilty. This tells me that either a) you’re not a Badger primary, and are in all likelihood probably a Lion, or b) you are a (universal) Badger primary in a community that defines “person” more narrowly than you do.

I thought I was able to adapt to new morals based on logic and incorporate them into my system, but it’s always based on what is just and fair for the group- other people.

Could still be Badger, or a Badger-flavored Paragon Lion.

I have a very hard time being able to do things for myself, even basic hygiene, which I know is just a mental illness thing and not necessarily a placement. But the relevant bit here is that it becomes ridiculously easy in comparison when I’m doing it for other people

You’re starting to sound like an Exploded Badger primary, who exists to help the group, and has a very hard time seeing themselves as valuable and worthwhile outside of the context of the group.

including (and tbh mostly) animals, who are ABSOLUTELY people. And I realized that it’s similar to how I feel towards the disenfranchised. Even that feels icky to say, I feel like I’m equating the homeless to animals??

It’s fine to say that animals and disenfranchised people are both groups that you feel strongly about. You keep coming back to doubting your instincts in an anxious way that makes me think semi-Burned Lion, rather than Bird. And even the slightly disconnected causes are pointing me in a Lion direction.

And that goes against my morals, the underprivileged are humans who deserve to be treated as such and often aren’t because rich people are fucking assholes. I feel very, very strongly about helping those in need

Yeah, I can really, really see that. In a way that truly makes me wonder why Lion was the one primary you didn’t consider for yourself.

and those who depend on me.

It’s possibly you might have some loyalist primary model going on. But I don’t think you’re a loyalist.

I am too naive and trusting when it comes to this particular subject, and cynical in almost everything else. This is also why I am strongly against the idea of personally having children. I do not trust myself to do it correctly.

“I do not trust myself” “I am too naive” “I am too cynical” “that feels icky” “I’ve been told logically that I’m wrong but I’m still crying.”

I don’t know what to tell you. You have strong feelings, a lot of them, but do not trust them (are told you can’t tust them.) You’re a Burnt Lion. You’ve probably latched to someone (probably your group or specifically your partner) as an external morality, which is a total Burnt Lion thing. This - ow, it hurts to read. These things you think about yourself, I see no evidence at all that they’re true.

If i am a badger primary, the 1% do not fit into my definition of “people,” though I know logically they are.

Again “logically” makes an appearance. “Logically I should feel this… but I don’t.”

I do not wish violence against anyone as I feel it is morally wrong, but I also wouldn’t be upset of any of them croaked.

This is much more a lion’s “I don’ t feel anything about them” and less a Badger’s “they’re monsters.” The word you used was “assholes” and that’s honestly very humanizing.

I feel like my sense of logic and emotion are at odds sometimes. I often think that things I feel are “wrong” or “unfair” or “unjustified”

burnt, burnt, burnt, burnt

even though years of therapy have told me that’s not true.

Oh good. I’m glad you’ve got somebody to talk to. Good for you.

I feel like my bird and badger tendencies are so wrapped up in each other it gets hard to differentiate.

You’re a Burnt Lion (who often look like stressed out Birds) in a very Badger (probably Exploded Badger) community.

But, more relevant, I often feel like my negative emotions towards other people are unfair and horrible and wrong.

You’re allowed to have negative emotions! They keep you safe! This is true for everyone, but especially true for a Lion primary.

At my core I value others more than myself. It has been a challenge to work through this, and the only motivation I have is that other people get upset when I constantly talk about how guilty I feel for having emotions.

Somebody did a number on you. At this point you couldn’t be more textbook Burnt Lion if you *tried.*

This leads me into possibly a bit of snakiness?

I have no idea where you’re getting Snake. I mean, Snake would be good for you. A Snake model would help you immensely.

“Exploded snake�� greatly resonates with me, but this is due to my trauma and BPD. I often have A Person that all of this “I cannot do things for myself but I will do everything for other people” is very concentrated towards. But again this is a mental illness thing so I see it as more of an unhealthy unintended model, not sure though.

My friend, what you have is a coping mechanism. You pour yourself into someone else so you’re not able to worry about yourself, and you have control over (and feel good about) this aspect of your life, at least.

It’s not Exploded Snake. Exploded Snakes, even at their most extreme, might become co-dependent, but they don’t lose themselves in people like this.

I also really resonate with bird in the way that I really value knowledge. The only real positive thing I can consistently muster up to say about myself is that I’m intelligent. I struggled a lot in school due to trauma and untreated ADHD and the works, but I’m aware that I am smart. It still feels sort of wrong to say that, like I’m being too conceited, but I’ve worked on accepting it as fact. I’m a nerd with a large vocabulary, lots of trivia, and some special interests I hoard information on like a bird. (Mainly cats and bugs. If you werr curious. You probably weren’t.

Look. I do these because I like people. I’m interested in people. I like seeing how different they are from each other, and I like seeing how they’re the same, and I like seeing how they tick. You don’t have to apologize, and you don’t have to be so very self-deprecating.

I appreciate the honestly though, and I appreciate that you are actively taking steps, and doing everything you need to do to get going. If I were to take a guess, it would be that at one point your secondary was a whole lot more burnt than it is now. It’s doing pretty good now. But there’s still some gunk and muscle memory left over from before. That’s how it’s reading to me anyway.

As for the system, definitely at least a fun bird model. That’s the neurodivergent classic.

If I’m wrong about something, it can be embarrassing but I feel I can recover and incorporate it into my system.

That’s honestly human stuff. (But you’re using Bird language to say it. I don’t think you’re a Bird though. I think you *like* birds.)

However this is only the case if it benefits other people / adds to my understanding in a way that makes me a better person towards others. This is why it can be so hard for me to accept that I am wrong about myself on certain things.

You’re perfectly confident in your ability to reason. It just… doesn’t totally make a difference when it really comes down to it, does it? Because what I’m reading about is a system not changing.

I feel that not punishing myself is a disservice to others.

That’s Dobby the House-Elf logic. I know I’m being harsh, but I’ve got pages and pages of old diary entries romanticizing guilt, calling it noble, calling it protective, glorifying making yourself the suffering central sacrifice. And I had to be banged over the head over and over and OVER again, before I realized that… I wasn’t that special. Which was an epiphany of terror, and relief.

I have been told over and over this is not healthy but I really cannot help it. I think I’ve made progress? But only because my partner broke up with me because of it and told me I had to get my shit in order before we got back together. So that core is still there, it’s still entirely externally motivated.

Look, external motivation is still motivation. I’ll take it.

The reason I thought I modeled snake was because I mask my autism and everything else very heavily, and attempt to assimilate very heavily.

Despite the (unfortunately) identical terminology, snake masking and autism masking are completely different things.

I don’t feel like it’s a bird secondary acting, as it feels so natural to me at this point. Sometimes in the middle of a conversation I’ll realize I’m completely mirroring the other participants, saying things I don’t actually believe, etcetera. It is really so natural, it happens almost every conversation.

Snakes do that sort of thing consciously. This sounds like Courtier Badger mirroring (and you do use the word mirroring, so I figure you’ve probably worked that out.)

At the same time though, I do not know what substance there is to mask- it feels empty, like I’m constantly searching for the bottom of an endless ocean. I know that is incredibly cheesy and, God Forbid, bateman-esque. I can assure you I do not kill people. 😋

I think you identify with Patrick Bateman because he is a person that is an externally defined surface. He doesn’t know what business card design he actually likes, it probably never even occurs to him that he should buy something because he likes it. He does things because they’re correct (even if he doesn’t know why they’re correct.) But clearly he does have all this feeling that has been sublimated beneath the surface, and because he’s in a movie it comes out in his murder-sprees.

If I were to sort Patrick Bateman, I would say that he’s an extremely Burnt Lion who is deep inside a very toxic Badger community. And a Lion secondary, with that ax and chainsaw and everything. OBVIOUSLY American Psycho is a hyper-exaggerated, stylized film… but no, I’m not surprised that you see a blown-up version of yourself in him.

I feel it is something I learned as a coping mechanism. But maybe it’s inherent to who I am now and I’m actually a snake secondary? No idea.

I actually don’t think your secondary is burnt. I think is more… drifting, because your primary isn’t pointing it at anything. And just the fact that you are drifting is making me say Lion secondary over Badger secondary (which is the other possibility. But you seem kind of uncomfortable using your Badger, even though it is effective.)

Just work on liking things. That’s your homework. Just little things. Low stakes things. Pick a new phone background. Smell some candles and pick the one you like best. Go to the movie theater alone, and get a ticket to the movie you want to see most.

Small self trivia that may be relevant? I love solving mysteries and puzzles and I avoid media spoilers like the plague. This is because if I have a tiny bit of information I will often overthink it so badly that I end up interpreting the whole damn plot and then the movie isn’t even enjoyable. Especially when people offhandedly mention something I’m not supposed to guess is important, but of course it’s important if they’re telling me about it ?!?! So I can extrapolate from there and ruin the whole thing for myself. I wish to god I could turn this off but I can’t. It’s not something I model, it’s something inherent to how my brain works and it’s ANNOYING.

I’m not allowed to watch Twilight Zone episodes with my family anymore, and they still haven’t forgiven me for guessing the ending of Planet of the Apes ten minutes in. I think this kind of stuff just comes with having a foundation in media analysis and a puzzle-brain.

But at least I have fun when I’m not totally spoiled. Related: if I had to pick any superpower at all, it would be omniscience. I want to understand every universal truth there is. I want to know everything.

Oh come on, you can’t pick “I want to be god,” as your answer to the super power game. At least say that you want to achieve enlightenment or something.

But astrophysics and all that jazz is way too hard.

I have zero doubt that if you were interested in astrophysics, you could get a pretty damn good working knowledge of astrophysics.

On a smaller scale sometimes I fantasize about doing the long con on the US government and becoming a dutiful public worker just to get into the inner circles and get access to all the secrets`. 😂 But morally speaking I could NEVER do what needs to be done to get you there.

I’m going to say that this is a very Lion Badger fantasy in the specifics. Slide under the radar for years and years, get people to trust you… and then when you have the dirt on everyone, BOOM - Lion primary activates. But *overall* - it’s a revolutionary fantasy, and that’s Double Lion.

I’m trying to come up with more information for a possible secondary but I really am coming up blank. I hope there’s some key information up there that’s a secondary placement hiding in wait. Sorry for the long post. I hope you at least have fun with it! I love snappy personality systems like this, it was at least fun to write.

PS - After reading some more I am thinking snake might be less of a model and more of a secondary I simply took some time to grow into and use effectively. I have always struggled with feeling like a bad person for sometimes prioritizing groups over others- I got myself into a lot of middle school drama for trying to climb the social ladder and ditching some good friends in the process. Which, you know, hilarious in retrospect because it was middleschool, not corporate.

Awww. Baby glory hound lion.

I was a compulsive liar when I was younger, trying to get people to like me and to be a part of the group. I used to be convinced I was a master manipulator when I was really just an autistic kid trying to survive and not be othered (which was worse than death at the time.) I still struggle with this, seeing people as social ladder points.

Hmm. You know, this definitely DOES sound like a Badger secondary model.

I don’t know if my mask ever comes off around other people, but after moving out from my (mildly emotionally abusive) parents and living with my aunt I can see myself becoming more blunt and less pandering.

GOOD. That seems like it was 100% the right move for you. And part of that bluntness is you getting to be more comfortable not masking… but you know. I haven’t seen you use it really, but I do suspect you may have some Lion secondary under there.

[archer3-13]

SO! went out and actually got my hands on an engage physical copy. played through the first lil bit. thought id start up an internal reblog chain for myself here on thoughts on the game!

opening:

very abrupt but it goes hard on the music even if the visuals feel somewhat noncommittal and incoherent. in fact ill add right off the bat that the music here SLAPS HARD! like holy shit is it good.

title is in that kinda static manner a lot of title are these days.

prologue:

im playing on normal for a first run, cause i like to get a handle on what the developers are designing the bare basics of the game around. ie, the experience they assume most people are going to undergo when playing the game. idk, first impressions and all that.

anyways! prologue is doing the fe awakening thing of a flash forward [?] with a fight against scary bad man though instead of evil sorcerer were apparently fighting the fell dragon of this game itself. WHO WEARS NO SHIRT AND IS THEREFORE SUPERIOR TO GRIMNA BY DEFAULT!

its fine for what it is, the hook of the story and a quick run down on basic move attack mechanics. we even get to 'engage' and use an engage skill!

that said, i feel it misses the mark on what was effective about awakening paralogue. to clarify off the bat here, awakening is on the lower end of fe games for me personally, so when i say it misses the mark i really do mean it. awakenings paralogue setup worked by building a lot of dread and tension, oppressive music and atmosphere, the pre fight cg throwing us right in the action in a frantic and somewhat grim fight, the dramatic tragic twist with shishchrombob and a jarring evil laughter to play us off.

engage raises questions like awakenings, but thats all it really does. raise questions, otherwise being kinda flacid in atmosphere comparatively.

ch 1

which brings us to ch 1! alear wakes up, meets the stewards, and then suddenly were on the ground! feels like we missed a transition here, cause i wasnt sure if we had been in the sky or not like the game insisted we had but hey. i can forgive it a bit here cause a] its not an essential transition and b] the following stuff in the chapter is real good!

zombies show up, the corrupted, to cause some ruckus and the twins get into a sticky situation we have to unstick them from. namely that we actually get a 'diagetic experience' as it were cause the twins are on the map getting attacked as we rush out to save em. the twins run ahead a bit, zombie enemy turn ambush spawn and we dip into a cutscene then a cg

on a side note, the in engine cutscenes are such a massive improvement over what we had before! theres the dialogue skit sections of course where we do the awkward stand and nod like mascots that plagued three houses [though not as bad in engages case], but also we get actual action sequences animated in engine! and they look pretty slick minus some clipping.

anyways, cg marth shows up to bedazzle us [hes so pretty...], and we get some engage buisness to deal with and to help illustrate how op it is we get to mulch a bunch of enemies! fun.

on another side note, map sizes along with mov ranges so far have been reduced from average. infantry has sat at 4 well vander the paladin has sat at a 6 mov. armours im guessing have 3 move well flyers have 4 and non promoted cavs have 5 as it follows the heroes model as it were. in fact a lot of the mechanics and interfaces feel very heroes inspired which... im not entirely against as heroes does do a lot of things right and expanding on what works there in a full fe setting sounds very delicious to me.

dragon mama shows up at the end to save us from some more enemy reinforcements and we get a nice little reunion cutscene still [also very nice], and moment in general. dragon mothers cloths clip like no tomorrow in engine but shes very pretty and her voice actress giver her a nice melodic quality that i find very calming.

on an aside, i was giggling like a maniac the entire later half of the battle map for ch1. its a very over the top sequence but it just feels so fun to watch and its delightful to see some over the top choreography in action.

characters at the moment!

the twins: could not remember their names at the moment as they are just 'the twins' that exist in all of fiction

vander: is uther. reminded me of uther lightbringer from warcraft 3 when i first saw him and his personality and portrayal just kinda reminds me of uther in general. uthers pretty cool though and vanders definitely endeared himself to me in just a handful of scenes. more so then the twins anyways.

lumenera: sweet and melodic as i mentioned. i feel like the twist of the story is going to be that alear is related to the fell dragon in some way [fell dragon going 'i am your father!' or somethin] and lumenera is either the fell dragons ex or tryin to just put alear on a better path. interested in seeing and learning more anyways, and i feel shes the most endearing early game slated to die mother figure so far thats become very common in modern fe storytelling. at time of writing this anyways.

alear: somewhat timid, obviously gonna have a story about learning to be bolder. they talk so its a step up from byleth regardless.

marth: speaking more then i thought he would. hasnt said much yet but as ever hes sweeping me off my feet for no reason other then i like him.

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Thursday 5 December 1833

8

10 ¼

great deal of rain last night and rainy morning - tolerably fair about 9 tho’ the walking people held up their umbrellas - breakfast at 9 ½ - at my desk at 10 ½ - Lord H- who was to have come at 9 did not come till 11 and then for a few minutes to say his portmanteau was not come - had hardly gone away before he returned to introduce Mr. Henry Canning, our consul general here, a gentlemanly pleasant man - he was exceedingly civil - half tried to persuade me to go by Rotterdam - should be in time for the packet of Wednesday and then be certain of being in London on Thursday - but owned that if the weather was not very bad I might be in London on Monday or at farthest Tuesday by the Columbine from here at 6 on Saturday morning - then came Mr. Delaval, steam packet agent, sent by Mr. Canning - he said the journey to Rotterdam took 90 hours and with my heavy carriage might take now from 120 to 130 hours roads very bad from Bremen often no regular road at all - made of heather and sand till getting into Holland - had I set off yesterday morning could not have been in time for the Saturday’s packet from Rotterdam but if off tomorrow might be in time for that - but he thought me right to keep to my determination of going by the Columbine - had I arrived by 12 on Tuesday night it would have been an hour too late to embark the carriage even embarking it at 11 would have been dangerous it was such a stormy night - this satisfied me - I might pay in Danish money - would send a clerk to settle all this tomorrow - Lord H- then brought Mr. Stäcker, ‘a sort of a gentleman’ as Lord H- afterwards said secretary to our English post-office who offered to do anything he could for me - my Lord staid till after 2 - I strongly advised his never minding his things not being come, but go with Mr. Canning and dine at Mr. Jenish’s (Yanish pronounced) which he did - Dinner at 5 ½ - before and after wrote 3 pages and ends, amusing enough account of the journey, to Comtesse de Blucher,  and 3 pages pretty close to Lady Harriet de H- account of the journey perhaps less amusing but with 1 or 2 more particulars e.g. Thomas being knocked up and said I felt as if I had more right to tell her of my disappointment in being too late for the packet yesterday morning etc giving a little more way to my feeling about my poor aunt - begged her to give my compliments and thanks to Mr. Browne for managing so well for me - nobody could be more gentlemanly and considerate and useful than Lord H- said I expected at least 1 more letter - begged her to inquire for it at the hotel Royal and forward it to Shibden - begged Comtesse de B- to give my compliments to Comte Vargas de Bédémar and thanks for all his kind attention and say I hoped to be in London on Monday or Tuesday - told her of the good dinner and most excellent wine Comte d’Ahrenfeldt a gave us - said we wanted not this attention more to make us charmed with Copenhagen and all the kind people we saw there - adding ‘whatever may be the faults of the English,  they are not ungrateful’ - regretted leaving ‘the woody Funen unadmired because unseen’ - observed on the good roads there and going the 4 miles from Nyborg to Odense in 2 35 hour much to the credit of Prince Xtian’s government - ‘Oh! that the King in his most gracious pleasure would make the prince governor of Schleswig and Holstein also that his majesty’s high ways might be better’ - concluded very truly yours and affectionately yours to Lady Harriet - then wrote 3 pages and 1 end (not close) to Comtesse de Bourke saying I feared I could not give no good reason for not having written long since but that I had a letter ½ finished some time ago which I should have sent had not Miss Ferrall begged me to wait to know what her luggage coming by sea cost as Madame de B- wished me to pay it and add it to the account - should have been happy to do so, had I not been thus unexpectedly hurried away by a distressing account of the dangerous illness of a near relative - In the hurry of the moment had packed up my account book and could not easily to get to it therefore hoped she would excuse my giving the amount of all I could possibly think of her paying i.e. 300 fr. which I should be obliged to pay to Messrs. Laffitte on my account whenever it best suited her convenience - said Miss F- was a most agreeable sensible useful compagnon de voyage never making difficulties - the de Bluchers in great favour with the royal family and universally liked - had dined with them twice, and she would have been pleased to see how nicely all was managed - he very gentlemanly - sure she would like him if she knew him better - 3 very handsome children - she would be proud of them - Madame de Rosenkrantz inquired after very particularly seemed pleased with her remembrance and spoke of her in a manner she must have been gratified to have heard - should be very glad to hear from her - whenever I was in England any letter directed to Shibden hall near H-x Yorkshire would be sure to find me - concluded very truly yours then wrote 2 pages dated Hamburg Thursday  evening 5 December to my aunt to be ready to send off from London telling her her so indifferent account of herself and talking of her leg taking bad ways had determined me to set off as soon as I could - had not written before because I came along with the post - she would see me nearly as soon as my letter - not to be nervous about me for I was quite well and had had a very good journey - she might be sure of my coming - to tell Cordingley to have my room ready and a room for Thomas ‘I shall provide for Eugenie’ - wrote out journal of Tuesday and yesterday and came to my room at 9 - very fine day and night – F57° now at 9 ¾ am - took two spoonful of Epsom salts

Mr. Delaval said 1 German mile = 24,000 Rhenish or German feet and 1 foot English = nearly 13 inches German  For comparing all kinds of weights and measures recommended Crusens’ Comptorist 2vols. 8vo. – last edition several years ago

[the-firebird69]

Huge day ahead huge.

It's a huge number of people here who are awkward but you know you told me what you're doing it and becomes worse so that came outside to warm up and it's like some sort of vivid nightmare for them if someone can do that it's not really very nice behavior either so we got a little angry I'm trying to see why she's saying that so she's trying to mess with the stuff or something that's what she says but really she wanted to have personal time by herself and she's just being an a****** so that's how they are they think they can do with it what they want stays what they want and really pissed off about it photo and that's what he gets like every encounter is this mentally ill response what are you here for that stupid f****** look so we're probably going to drag her out of there and beat her to death because of the stupid s***

--+huge numbers of times you tell them who gives a s*** is out there it's free country and she's saying to smoke and all this other stuff like no a space for everybody so and she starts trying to cause trouble and threaten his stuff and it's going to pay for it it's an excuse and and what an ugly b**** anyways it's time for the course and it's disturbing and they look like mental patients so they are and don't sound normal and it's a very childish way to behave and we're more angry about than he is he sees it all the time they should just sick people and they need out

--and he doesn't give a s*** about what she wants she can scream all the way all over the place and get himself killed is what he thinks comes out to warm up just for a minute and people want him to be sick or something and she goes oh and doesn't really get it but okay not everyone can be a winner

--there's other stuff happening and it's pretty big and we're going to go over it and we don't like what's happening that's at this place I don't like the attitude we don't like what you're doing it's really weird and I'm trying to like from him bring him to a hospital right now there is a wave coming in just a few minutes and it will be 2.3 rad in Port Charlotte and it's coming up from punta Gorda it was 2.5 it's going to be potent and it's kind of disgusting here it's very humid and it's hot and people are out to lunch and it is going to be a different day tomorrow that's for sure. And poster resistant to radiation failure resistant I don't get big or small they just don't die right away you die a little bit later unless you're eating a lot

--several things to note tonight is a big night we are having an interesting time watching this thing mushroom and grow and we are there making sure that it is going to keep doing so and that we're at the proper level of Manning to control the situation and there's a lot of problems there probably going to come up and some of them are and yet him being mistreated here is one of them not really happy about it but we do understand it so we're sending in people to handle this kind of fallout and they're coming in pretty strong and they do the job pretty good the same things he has kept so damn low that we're worried and I said yes would have been saying so the moving out to try and get them out of here this change in the program is going to have an effect here and it is because of preliminary results by all sorts of big groups that they have found it to be true and there's a problem the Mac proper are at far too many of them and it's usually one out of three depending on which group and Trump has way too many stashes and cashes way too many I'm Francis people to be massively weak and they are at the stashes and Cassius all over the world no matter what size and that's Tommy F too is that those things and it is devastating to them they are being devastated they're taking hits everywhere there are good sized and they're sending armies and they're trying to get stuff out failing and Trump said this afternoon nobody seems to care about me and it's looking at me as some going into Dave's place wondering why I'm going in there there's a good reason Dave has been come sick and he is here at this place but he can't seem to do the job and yeah he was running around and as well but really had them going there into the job and he shouldn't but that's what he did.

And we'll find out that they threw a lot of stuff away most of it's made out of wood and cloth and it was all contaminated and it's going to keep going and they just don't have what our son does it he has metal furniture and metal items and we take the e-bikes might be okay but he's going to see what they're with the deal is there's more of this stuff going on all over Florida and people are now realizing you have to let these walls drain out in the house dry out and Sherry and Stan realized that our son didn't know about it so cost him some money but still he got something done and it was not going to be easy and saved the day. And it's because the food would have rotted and ruined the refrigerator and not only that but the odor would have been horrendous and that's the problem the place would stink for years as it is it's too close to the house but hey what can you do someone might help move it but he didn't have time didn't allow him time and nothing's going to start smelling pretty good. It's going to be a pain in the ass and people know it we have other things going on but this is going to be a difficult day and we are going to tell people we don't want to hear from you and it's a disaster and go clean it up he doesn't have any money he doesn't have a vehicle at all and have some mercy on yourself everyone's beating the s*** out of you for it

Huge news though huge that these parties went down examined it or sending big armies and to the ones that they looked at and they're sending exploration groups to the ones that are within their areas all of them including us and we know it's down there and who it is and what they're doing and mostly it's going to be a war and Trump is going to get his ass kicked and already his feeling it but really the armies are forming now in the East and the West and he is going to be very sorry he opened his stupid mouth

Thor Freya

Sitting and screaming at me threats and epithe for about 7 years now up and down the road while I'm riding my stupid bike to get food the a****** is there every few minutes the scene down there at 41 to Walmart is an important joke about this fool and his people and he deserves this more than any other punishment in history to see all those people that killed because he's such an a****** and is a delusional loser and he doesn't deserve to have a family okay this guy is an imbecile he's a hateful evil piece of crap it doesn't teach them anything and is really mean and he doesn't tell them even how to be mean I mean you have never seen anything like this even Olympus says that his stuff is very ripe I know it would be but wow he's stuck to me now and he's a massive massive ASSHOLE I know what time it is and I know it's his time and I know that tons of forces are raised against him even the Mac proper are surprised at how much stuff they stole that's all they are just Petty thieves and didn't change and he's really mad he doesn't blame other people he blames his idiots and he really should if they rode with all that stuff into the general population control it it would probably have taken everything that Mac proper had instead they're sitting there like these dildos smiling and nodding and running behind me every day we're collecting all sorts of information because we want to go in there and take a ton of it and use game to take all of them and they're ridiculous they're just Petty pissy little b****** have no clue at all where I'm from where my people are who they are what we can do and people can see some of it and of course my proper thing see us and people like that but wow are they stupid and mean come right out to me and say whatever they feel like saying run around is this flipping stupid attitude waving their arms so I don't feel bad for the ones to kind of get it and some of them do like these little shrimpy ones of Emily and they said you trying to do something to him and it happens to you every time it's not worth doing anything and he's a sits there and people don't know and then she said now he's telling people when they do that something happens to you and said these big groups are doing s*** they said no and now they're saying yeah and she's got respect from her people and said we're getting completely covered cuz this guy won't shut his damn mouth and her son says it's very simple just hanging out with Dave and Dave fooled him and he won't admit it for some reason he has a huge ego and he likes to compare it to Garth cuz Garth has an eagle that won't stop that guy's ego is out of kilster for what he is and what he can do and Trump's attitude is way out it is way off it's really no way he would have known because people didn't detective he was very evil but his people are lame and slow and and others are not and he really he's going to get completely wasted by this and it will finally prove it and improve you should have gone off me not done all this stupid crap but not to him completely and he's no superhero or smart person he is a massive massive failure and delusional and he's trying to make me delusional when I was younger no all the time now he is and he's going to lose it all it's poetic Justice and I'd give anything for him just to die but now he's going to

Zues

Me too I hope Trump and his die. See it though great. What the foreigners are saying is we need all this to defend ourselves against these Mac proper it is a lot of it and we need to go after all of it and they're doing it and they're doing it now they've got a huge armies up and finally Jesus Christ when a pain

Hera

And it's really a small price to pay and my grandson says it and she does too a bit that he went absolutely nuts and ruined them all to sit there screaming threats and saying dumb things. Now there are vast armies seeking this stuff and Trump falls faster than you can blink

Shaq

Olympus