#ill admit the cats one is more emotional to me

[autismmydearwatson]

Fiddler on The Roof, Beetlejuice, Ride The Cyclone, The Rocky Horror Show, Jekyll and Hyde, Six, Wicked, Cats, Les Miserables, and the Phantom of the Opera

[b0njourbeach]

So what are your thoughts on TreyKei?

They're besties, they're worsties. They're married and have two cats (then again, Trey seems to be more of a dog-person. Maybe a dog and a cat?), they'll never be a couple. They love each other, they'll never be able to love each other.

I'm so physically ill about them and their unlimited possibilities.

There are so many thoughts in my head and knowing that you always liked my rambles, I won't try to hold back and let it all out for once haha. I can't promise that I'm being able to express it all because you can imagine my thoughts as followed: Idia, Malleus and Jade infodumping about their special interests while Kalim screams for funsies in the distance and Cater runs around as if he's on a sugar rush - All of it happening at the same time, of course.

Anyways.

You can have Friends to Lovers if you want to, you can have a slow burn, you can have a fall in love on first sight, Friends with benefits, one sided affection, Angst in every shape and Form, a million different AUs that still fits them.

I personally see them both being bisexual. I'm not sure how to explain it but if I had to give an example of a bisexual, it would be them. But here's the thing: I genuinely can't imagine Cater being able to 'love' in the classic, romantic way - I'm not sure if it's projecting onto him or a deep understanding of his personality but I just can't see him being in love as your average romance novel describes. He shows his love in other ways and I swear by hell itself, Trey is one of the main targets of that affection (in my opinion, at least).

If you ask me, he has a lot of commitment issues due to his past and the lack of stable friendships. There are also some nuances of trust issues mixed in that, due to the learned mindset of "It won't last forever" that he had acquired throughout his life. He keeps people at an arms length, possibly to protect others and himself for the, eventually coming, parting. "If I don't get attached too close, it won't hurt as bad."

We can, in fact, see Cater do this in canon - Especially with Trey because he sees through his act. I do love to point out the Wish Upon a Star event where we have a, in my opinion, very important scene and I do have to admit that I honestly got emotional at the end of it: Trey asks Cater what his wish is - Having more success on Magicam (which is one hell of a predictable answer if you ask me). Trey points out he did wish for that the past year, remembering it from the time they shared a room. Cater then wishes for his life to be "chill", and they part ways. Standing in the Heartslabyul staircase, Trey talks to himself on how one 'would think that Cater would open up a bit more by now.' Following with a (in my opinion it sounded sad/upset) 'But maybe he does already. Just not with me.' (I do recommend to watch the scene on your own to get your own impression on it. You can easily find it on YouTube).

Yet, despite the seemingly distance, they're still considered a duo that is unsurprising to any student (Lilia calls Trey Caters Partner and Rook refers to Cater as Treys "Boon Companion").

I had the HC for a long time that Cater may try to escape his issues at home by going with Trey instead and only later I found out that it's not too far from canon. Trey most likely also knows about Caters' situation at home, which is seen in multiple different situations - which, if you ask me, is already a deep trust coming from Caters side.

Overall, they know each other's strengths AND weaknesses and know how to match each other well. Whether it is Cater boosting Treys confidence about his looks or Trey pointing out Caters skills in Astrology (and many other things but I ain't gonna point every single of them out rn).

Speaking of weaknesses and strengths: Remember how Trey called Cater out after Riddles OB?

[Including the Manga panel because Boy, do I love this one]

A while ago, I've read through Caters Birthday Boy Voicelines and you know what? This guy has been gifted a "diamond-shaped quiche" from "a student". While no names dropped, we all know who made this one - Especially because Cater does seem to be quite fond of Treys general cooking and baking, if it's not sweet, of course. Not that I can blame him, spicy dishes aren't easy to make. You can fuck them up easily and if your man can cook 'em well, you better marry him.

But enough of Cater, there is too much to unpack about him to show it all. Let's move on to Trey, which is not as easy as it first sounds like. Why, you ask? Well, because he's showing even less than Cater! Both of them are chronic actors, both hiding their true, their damaged, their 'weird' faces - acting to be 'normal', to not freak people out, to not make them worry. Trey is a really good example of the 'oldest child' syndrome, which is, in return, quite bad for him - But that turns his friendship with Cater into a positive thing. Ahem, one step at a time.

Why is Trey a perfect example of the 'oldest child' syndrome? Well, he's "oh so normal", yes? Or so they say, after all. If you're the oldest child, you need to be a certain way - not only for your parents or your siblings but for your own safety. As the oldest child, you're bound to be a "test subject". No matter how good your childhood may have been, your siblings will have a seemingly, easier path - Things you weren't allowed are suddenly okay for them to do. Your siblings have an older sibling to rely on while you, as the oldest, had to fight alone. You need to protect the younger ones because it's expected but you need to keep yourself running too because no one does it for you. By being born first, you're practically forced to be in a position of a role model, a teacher and a friend.

Especially if you're having odd interests, such as oral hygiene, mustard, hats and what-not - You are forced to act normal because you will be looked at weird otherwise (I mean, he's friends with the perfect example on what happens if you express your "weirdness" out loud: Rook Hunt). I really like to put Trey on a scale when it comes to "Acts normal, is weird" because if you're weird, there are three types:

1. Rook Hunt - Expresses weirdness out loud with no shame

2. Jade Leech - Suppresses weirdness but the suppression has become weird on his own because he's weird in quiet

3. Trey Clover - Swears to be normal and is successful for the most of it, does show weirdness in little moments

All three of them have different reasons, and valid ones once you realize why they're that way, to be the way they are but in the end, they're three weird people who have learned how to "express" their oddness.

[Disclaimer: I am not using weird as an insult. This term is used to refer to socially not as accepted behavior or actions that are frowned upon. In other words: I am using society's definition of "weird" and not my own.]

Anyways, despite being the oldest child he is, Trey still shows Cater a bit of the truth: Instead of awkwardly smiling when he's uncomfortable, Trey stops smiling if he's with Cater. And in the Vignette of Treys Dorm Uniform, we can see that Cater knows a few more faces of Trey that are rarely seen otherwise - In the given example: It was Treys pettiness, deserved but it was still a rare emotion. If I recall correctly, this Vignette was the only time where we had seen Treys' pettiness, which was quite satisfying to see but that's just my two cents.

It's just so genuinely fascinating to see how similar yet so different they are, it makes both of them a tragic lovestory (if wanted) that drags me across the entire planet and I'd thank them for that.

And what I personally find almost mesmerizing is Caters actions: On one side, he seems to keep Trey not too close, yet he seems to have a lot of trust in him and I think it's unintentionally mentally messing with him because it may not be intentional. I could see that Trey might have this specific vibe that makes Cater feel comfortable and chatty about topics he wouldn't often talk about (specifically when they're both alone). Another guess of mine is that Cater might make too many jokes about certain parts of his trauma/issues and instead of his other pals, Trey actually looks behind the "jokes" because as much coping with humor may help, it's still a way to vocalize pain. But Trey doesn't strike me to be the type of actually calling Caters jokes out the moment he does them (example that I just made up: "Man, my phone died. Wish that was me lol" "Cater, those jokes aren't funny" etc etc). I think he'd have a more subtle way of showing Cater that he saw through that laughing, such as speaking up when it feels appropriate (Book 1) or just acts of service and/or quality time - Simply showing him that Cater does have someone who listens.

I've lost track at least five times and I forgot half of what I wanted to add.. Man, I hate my brain sometimes. I also often try to express my thoughts about these in my memes - In fact, the Memes with/about Cater, Trey or both of them together are possibly the posts where I'm carefully inspecting if it fits the canon and my own pov of them. I do it for all my memes, of course but I want people to deeply understand how much of a disaster those two (both, on their own and together) are because it's extremely overlooked, in my opinion (especially Trey).

Anyways, have this very neat HC of mine that I have about those two because it has been rotting away in my brain (I had intended to add more HCs but it somehow doesn't fit in the text):

Whenever Cater uses his UM 'Split Card', Trey knows which Cater is the original one. They may be identical but Trey can still tell the difference. How? He isn't really sure himself, it might be just his instinct. Cater has made it a game at some point where he wants Trey to guess and has tried many ways to lead his instinct astray but he has yet to succeed.

Edit: For more rambling about those two, do check the reblogs :)

[yanderepuck]

How long do you think it would realistically take for all of the guys to fall in love and want a relationship? Vincent is the only one I can see falling quickly.

This is more or less my version of the guys rather than in canon so remember that

Napoleon I feel like would want a relationship...but not the commitment of a relationship. He wants everything about it but he's not making any promises

Mozart doesn't want a relationship but damn he probably falls head over heels for someone and gets into a relationship bc of it

Leonardo??? He definitely falls in love easily but tries to keep his distance because he knows he's going to end up hurting you in the end

VINCENT IS FALLING IN LOVE SO QUICKLY AND WANTS TO JUMP INTO A RELATIONSHIP RIGHT NOW

Theo needs to catch some kind of feelings before considering a relationship. But it's also not easy for him to catch feelings. But when he does they are STRONG

Arthur? Well same with Napoleon. He's got the commitment issues. He wants a relationship and everything that comes with it but it's not going to be a long term relationship.

Isaac has no thoughts on a relationship, or even gaining feelings. Actually. He's going out of his way to not gain feelings. He doesn't want that. He wants to focus on his research and that's it. But he's going to fall in love slowly if you do things for him

Jean is so hard to say. He's so numb imo. I feel like he would start feeling love but not realize what he's feeling. He's never really thought about a relationship, so it's going to take some time and a lot of trust

Dazai is running away from all emotions if you didn't guess already. He's a little scared to love imo?? He believes he doesn't deserve it and honestly would probably rather hurt your feelings in the beginning than get into a relationship because he knows it will end badly

Shakespeare probably also has some commitment issues. He's a huge flirt but in a way that he doesn't mean it. He says such sweet things bc that's how he talks. But he would probably try a relationship before cat hing feelings to see how it goes.

Comte????? Too many issues. He doesn't want to admit he's in love let alone think about a relationship. It's going to take a few heart to heart conversations to get him to open up about how he feels

Sebastian is going to try to avoid a relationship bc of his illness. He wouldn't be one to hide his feelings. I wouldn't say it's a commitment issue, more so as it is him being realistic.

Vlad is jumping RIGHT IN AND WANTS A RELATIONSHIP NOW.

Faust is like Isaac in wanting neither, but he's also not actively avoiding it. He gives the vibe that he doesn't realize that he can feel love, so when he starts catching feelings even he is surprised

Charles doesn't have commitment issues persay, but he's not quite sure what to do with everything he is feeling. (I feel like his route actually covers this exact question)

Drake is avoiding a relationship at all costs but is letting his feelings go wild and letting himself fall in love with anyone. Gives me flirty/hook up vibes like Arthur tbh

Galileo is similar to Isaac and Faust (science boys). But he is avoiding feelings and relationships. He doesn't want to feel either. Give him some drinks and I'm sure he'll open right up though

[inkbedou]

L1X14N - ADS!Lix

and finally, also made by me, we got ADS!Lix; L1X14N!

a quite literally perfect android fighter tasked to protect the humans in the Invincible II and their colony. although maybe 'perfect' isnt the right word...

more info about him under the read more!

is an android!! look at the robot go!!

very quiet, kinda nonchalant and standoffish but never in a cool guy type way, more like aloof, i guess? his brain is full of elevator music

has emotions, and he can detect he has them but not really what they are or mean

like i put in the ref sheet, i imagined he'd like making music with music pads or midi fighters, but of course only when he has time

ok, so i might have gone a little crazy with this one but HEAR ME OUT

i imagined that if he were to be a part of the story, that in some alternate universe L1X would realize that all the wormhole buisness happens because of Engineer. and as his job is literally to ensure the safety of the colonists, he decides to jump into the wormhole looking for Engie. this chase would get more and more frustrating tho, as L1X can find many Marks but not Engineer, and stresses as the more time he takes to find Engie, the more that the colonists will be hurt/traumatized. not to mention the betrayal, i mean, L1X would probably think that Engie meant what he was doing. In the end tho, i imagine that he wouldnt have a big part in the ending (i like that the captain and Engie have their moment), but that after all of it got resolved that he'd still remember everything that happened, so i guess more trauma for the poor android :(

his cat companion is a white oriental shorthair named Sequilho! sequilhos are brazilian cookies, i have this vid from Dylan B Hollis that shows the recipe, its so simple i should really try them sometime :D https://www.youtube.com/shorts/9rPCwLZ42Kg (recipe video)

and poor L1X is completely in love with this cat. if it sits on his lap he feels so much emotion towards it he cant bring himself to move it. he has a back pocket on his pants specifically designed for the cat to sit in while he works. you cant get it away from him.

someone who worked on him once tried to take the cat away from him and he lost all will to live. Engie and Gunther had to go get the cat back so that L1X could actually work again.

idk why i designed him to look kinda like a porcelain doll, but it looks pretty cool! tho obvs he's made of some stronger material XD also, he's made to look kinda weirdly human, so his "blush" is painted on.

the light blue lights are illuminated parts that show the inside of the wiring. whether the color can be changed to others like those rgb lights remains to be seen.

and finally, his weapon of choice is usually his two laser guns, though he knows how to fight with any weapon B)

aaa these three were so fun to do, im so happy with how they came out! although i have to admit there was a fourth idea that never really went anywhere. cause if we got lix in all areas of the ship, an alien!lix isnt that farfetched. it wasnt a bad idea at all, i just didnt have a good idea for it, but it could totally be made XD! maybe someday ill make it...

[heartrenderscove]

Who are your favourite characters from Eleceed and why do you like them?

@quasiquack666

Oh quasi, where do I begin? Where do I end?

Despite Eleceed's dumpster fire current plot, these characters still have such a chokehold on me; so here's a little list (Characters in no particular order)

I HAVE A LOT TO DAY THOUGH! SO I'LL BREAK THIS INTO PARTS

Part 1

1) Kartein

Favourite pathetic meow meow; he has so much skrunkly cat you find in the dumpster energy despite his posh appearance. The man is a treat to the eyes, and I LOVE his silly banter with Kayden. He has 2 braincells and both go into overdrive trying to "one up" Kayden. Yells at Jiwoo for getting a papercut

I'd say so far he's had the best character arc! Growing from his tendency to shut off his empathy, he eventually actively put his life on the line for the people he cared about in Astra arc. Actively admitted that he cared about them, loved them🥹🥹🥹

Says he hates Kayden then checks on him after every battle👀👀 His relationship with Kayden just makes everything 10x times better; they are married, divorced and getting back together all at once 💅

2) Jisuk

Best boi; has so much chaotic energy that he's really befitting to the wind attribute. CRIMINAL THAT HIM AND WOOIN AND SUBIN AREN'T GETTING SCREENTIME ANYMORE. He's fun and snarky, but also has so much emotional maturity!! He's the one to notice Jiwoo's insecurities and hype him!! He's the one who hugged Subin and knew what she was going through during her grandfather's illness!!!

If Kartein has had the best arc among adults, Jisuk has had the best one among the kids. Every little action of his!! Is motivated by love!! Love for his friends, love for his sister

This lonely boy stood up against Jaehyuk Lee for Jiwoo-all because Jiwoo was his first real friend

This boy stopped attending meetings as a kid because the awakened adults kept trying to pit him against his sister!!

Jisuk is rough around the edges, but he bleeds love and loyalty. He's grown from a prickly kid to a more emotionally mature and well adjusted young adult

3) Kayden

Kayden is amazing in a lot of respects; but I love him for his integrity

This is a man who had all the power of a top 10, but never really bullied anyone into his doing. He respects the Korean leaders, doesn't look down on anyone for being weak, helps Jiwoo out when he could've just left instead. He's the only one that Kartein allows to guard him while healing---that shows that Kayden keeps his word!!

Kayden's growth in the series is adorable too; he's still a killing machine, but he's now a killing machine who'll do it to keep the people he cares about safe (JIWOO AND KARTEIN!)

He's far more willing to accept his worry and love for Jiwoo; arguably the best father figure really.

That moment where Kayden tells Jiwoo that he can do whatever he wants to because he'll always have Kayden??? YEAH THAT LIVES RENT FREE IN MY HEAD

Refuses to take smack talk from anyone except Kartein👀👀 Actively looks out for Kartein and Jiwoo and is much softer around them

Kayden's love is as all consuming as his power; he's a beautifully complex character

[linoone]

So in case people do not follow my twitter . Recently my mental health has been sorta bad due to a mix of things. Among them being (mostly) coming to terms with sexual trauma related to one of my exes and a very specific (non sexual) incident regarding him partially blaming my dads cat passing away for us breaking up, and how half a decade later im still miffed about it. But i realized i can bitch about it more freely on here.

Get the deets below Because its long

He actually responded to the post in a vague about an hour and a half later (since i said something specific about the kof main most associated with him, which i admit was quite petty, and i actually unblocked him some months ago for whatever reason) wishing his haters experienced "dreadful inconveniences". Which was very obviously about me, as from what i know, the guy does not have that many people who genuinely dislike him ... a nearly 27 year old man calling someone he coerced sexual images from a "hater". Regarding a situation that imo, any reasonable person would think "that's a fucked up thing to imply", even if you ignore the whole "subjecting said person to emotional manipulation & pressuring him into sending you images he didnt want to send" thing

That community, in all honesty, probably would not care about that if the whole truth came to light (when i spoke about it around the time it happened, they didnt, since i brought up l0lic0n & sh0tac0n that he is still a fan of. which somehow made the point moot) & thats another thing ive got to come to terms with. People generally will not care unless it affects them in some way. I was not the best in that relationship (partially due to regular suicidebaiting on his end and partially out of being emotionally drained), especially towards the end, but does that really justify anything that happened during or afterwards?

But last night i had a Moment (tm) where i was Real World Upset over it. Even though im coming to terms with it all, the ever-present knowledge ill never get closure - nor will he realize or care about the consequences of his actions - does hurt. Being in that relationship made the issues i have with sex worse somehow, despite it being completely digital. And its been rearing its ugly head this past month or so especially, due to the desire to have some types of relationships again

If anyone sends him this - i dont know how many people that are his acquaintances are even on this platform, or if theyd even follow my blog on here - i dont really give a fuck. Do what you want. Hes all but proven hes still keeping track of my twitter at the very least, and my ex wife said he had been keeping track of her profile when we were dating. Hes possibly done that to a few other people i know as well, both in and out of the fighting games community

[pesterloglog]

Meenah Peixes, Cronus Ampora, Kankri Vantas

Act 6, page 5308

MEENAH: yo that was some scuzzy repartee there even for you crodog

CRONUS: the last thing my feelings need is your harsh judgment. i just cant handle that, on top of evwerything else youvwe done to me.

MEENAH: what the fuck else i done to you??

CRONUS: you ignored me.

MEENAH: ugh

CRONUS: this is serious. please dont dismiss my emotions like that.

CRONUS: look, i havwe an especially tortured and confused sole. i reelly cant afjord anemone more greef from you.

#eh? #ehhhh?

MEENAH: i cannot

MEENAH: B-ELI-EV-E

MEENAH: you are doing my fish pun thing while youre still tryin to hit on me

CRONUS: nyeh. vworth a shot.

MEENAH: dont ever say a fish thing again or ill gut you

CRONUS: you knowv, youre being a bit hypocritical here, dont you think?

MEENAH: what

CRONUS: taking me to task for ripping captor a sorely deservwed newv nook.

CRONUS: like you arent evwen more guilty of abusing the poor fella.

MEENAH: youre such a glubbin liar

CRONUS: oh am i?

CRONUS: tell me, pray tell, vwho vwas it exactly, in vwhich alternate univwerse, that used growvnup captor as a livwing vwarp drivwe in her spaceship for millenia?

#helmsman

MEENAH: hey that wasnt me

MEENAH: i mean

MEENAH: not yet... uh

MEENAH: alternate ways

#38|

CRONUS: oh sure. no grub sauce on your hands!

MEENAH: wow you did it

MEENAH: ampora you totally changed my mind about you lets start makin out immediately

#not

CRONUS: just admit it. you havwe it vwithin you to be just as harsh to our behelmeted buddy as i am, if not more.

#helmchan

MEENAH: man

MEENAH: a girls gotta have fuel for her pimp ride know what im sayin

MEENAH: like

MEENAH: i probably took care of him good

MEENAH: you know how it is someones gotta take care of the guy anyways

MEENAH: and... yeah

#38(

CRONUS: oh, howv the rationalizations begin to flowv vwhen it suits your ovwerinflated ego. so vwery typical of the kind of people vwho reject me.

#i.e. literally evweryone

MEENAH: at least i dont think im an alien

CRONUS: vwhat? vwhat are you talking about?

MEENAH: look at you all frontin in that stupid getup

MEENAH: with your slicked hair and that dumb little wand in your mouth

CRONUS: excuse me. its not a vwand. you knovw perfectly vwell my vwizarding days are behind me. its called a "human cigarette" and apparently youre supposed to set it on fire.

CRONUS: although if you ask me, burning it seems like a vwaste of a perfectly good and cool "cigarette."

MEENAH: i heard a rumor you think youre a human now

MEENAH: that true

CRONUS: its a privwate matter. i dont see vwhy i should havwe to talk about it vwith you, and open myself up to more of your judgmental scorn.

MEENAH: sounds like another desperate cry for attention imo

KANKRI: I feel I sh9uld jump in here at this m9ment, Meenah, 6ef9re y9u inadvertently shame Cr9nus f9r his extremely delicate feelings 9f species dysph9ria.

CRONUS: no, kankri... man, you dont need to jump in here and defend me like this. i got it.

MEENAH: aaaand im gone

MEENAH: you bros can figure out your boring feelings without me

CRONUS: meenah vwait... awv man. just like that, shes out of my life again. you had to go and fuck it up for me, didnt you? some "friends" i havwe.

KANKRI: Listen, I was d9ing y9u a fav9r. Y9u d9n't need t9 6e dating any9ne wh9 can't appreciate y9u f9r wh9 y9u really are, 9r m9re imp9rtantly, which fantasy versi9n 9f y9urself y9u m9st str9ngly identify with.

CRONUS: yeah, youre probably right. she doesnt appreciate me. so fevw of you cats do, really.

#evwen the ones vwho literally identify as cats

CRONUS: to be honest, she might be right. sometimes i think i might only be saying im a human to get attention. maybe i should givwe it up.

KANKRI: I'd 6e extremely disapp9inted t9 hear that, if it were true. That w9uld 6e such a slap in the face t9 all th9se wh9 kn9w themselves t9 6e an alien while trapped in the pedestrian 69dy 9f their 9wn race. It w9uld 6e unspeaka6ly invalidating 9f their struggles and massively triggering t9 their em9ti9ns.

#TW #invalidated struggles #triggered em9ti9ns

KANKRI: 6ut f9rtunately, I kn9w y9u w9uld never st99p as l9w as that. Y9u understanda6ly have d9u6ts a69ut y9ur feelings and pr96a6ly d9wnplay them as a defense mechanism, since s9 few are prepared t9 rec9gnize the legitimacy 9f y9ur plight. 6ut I am, and I just wanted y9u t9 kn9w that I'm here f9r y9u, and am prepared t9 lecture t9 y9u extensively, I mean, listen t9 y9u extensively, a69ut y9ur ultra-imp9rtant pr96lem.

CRONUS: vwowv. thanks, pal.

CRONUS: youre right. my feelings really are real. not fake, like the huge disappointing fraud that magic turned out to be.

CRONUS: i guess the truth is, deep dowvn i alvways knewv i vwas a 1950s-style human greaser.

CRONUS: i just needed to finally be introduced to human culture to make sense of those feelings.

KANKRI: W9nderful. I'm s9 happy y9u have f9und the light 9f truth within y9urself. N9w j9in me in tagging 9ur discussi9n with righte9us warnings, as we c9nsecrate y9ur disadvantage in the h9ly annals 9f Pr96lematics.

[helluva-high]

post-parasite fresh

HIIII i got super silly this time tehe ,':*

meet post-parasite fresh! or p!fresh, or punk for short! a version of fresh without the parasite! im still learning all like the lore for utaus n everything so forgive me if stuff abt him contradicts canon fresh((prayer hands

BASICALLY!!!!! he got fed up w true!fresh and straight up ripped it out of himself, in turn breaking his left eyesocket from the force.

i dont know how good the quality of the ref is gonna be since it took foreva to download!!! so ill list it under the cut

he is half blind in his left eye

his shades are prescription to help with his eyesight

he can feel all the emotions again, but they're severely dulled down

he has cassette tapes that act like ink's vials (since ink helped him make them). they're colour coordinated and he just listens to them to feel certain moods/ emotions. i'll make a list for that in the future, but just base it off of ink's vials for now.

he has to force his censor now, and it really only works when he listens to his yellow tape. other than that, it's gone, and he curses freely.

he carries his bat! everywhere! just to have something for his hands to hold and mess around with

he can summon his skateboards out of thin air with a wave of his hand, it's actually really cool

he's still annoying and irritating, and still has a lack of boundaries, but is learning to respect them more, and setting up boundaries of his own

im silly so he is obsessed w fnaf security breach, the stickers on his bat, walkman, and shoes should be proof enough but he will talk anyone's ear off about it, he loves freddy fazbear guys

other info!!

he never really changed from the bright 90s fashion, just pulled back a lot. it's a reminder of who he was with the parasite, but it's also what he's comfortable with so it's a battle with his outfits.

he has braces!!!!!!!! and his bands change colour and dull down when he hasn't listened to any of his tapes in a while.

for funsies, he has a weird relationship with killer. they annoy each other but killer annoys punk more than he ever did to him, so it's often a cat and mouse chase between them.

him and ink are really close, especially since after punk ripped true!fresh out of his body, his first thought was to head to the doodlesphere and collapse there until ink found him and took him to the star sanses to heal him.

instead of being able to listen to two or more tapes at a time, he combines the songs and colours into new tapes for combined emotions.

he's really sarcastic and likes to mess with people just to get a rise out of them.

he mainly hangs out with the star sanses, and is on good terms with a few of the bad sanses, namely error and nightmare.

chews gum a lot, how it doesn't get stuck in his braces is beyond anyone

his shades also say 'lame' instead of the default 'yolo'.

he has a wall in his area of the anti-void(s?) filled top to bottom with skateboards of all kinds. after he healed up and was well on his own, he spraypainted 'f... fresh' (uncensored) all over them. street graffiti style. error stumbled upon it and laughed over it.

his eyelights, mainly his right one, change with how he's feeling. if he's, yknow, just happy and content, it's normal. if he's excited, it turns into '!!', confused is '??', etc. when he's in love with someone or something, it's a heart, and more often than not, when he's around killer, it's an 'x'. his shades do the same, but he can control what's on them. his eye lights give him away, he doesn't even know they change shape.

a few times, his eyelights changed into stars, which earned him the nickname 'punkstar', which he hates, but secretly likes. he'll never outright admit that, though.

not as good as he used to be with skateboarding and rollerskating, but he can still pull off quite a few tricks.

hates who he was as fresh, and subtly tries to make up for anything 'bad' he did when he was infected with the parasite. he's too stubborn to apologize for anything.

he has big bulky headphones that are super bright and flashy, and he normally wears those in the anti-void to just drown out everything. he can get overstimulated if he's not actively apart of whatever is happening around him, so he retreats back to the anti-void to just calm down.

despite carrying his baseball bat everywhere, he knows nothing about baseball.

get him to open up to you, and he'll latch onto you like a leech seeking comfort and approval. it's.. weird.

when he gets upset (after listening to his red tape), he'll actively seek out stuff to break with his baseball bat. when in combat, he turns his hat forward for effect.

here's closeups of his fit!

i think that's it?? i'll post more abt him later in the future. his whole idea just came to me when i went "fresh but he listens to cassettes and they work like ink's vials" and it moved into this whole thing

(half of the things in this post i made up while writing this LOL)

thats it i think ILL POST MORE 4.0.4 STUFF SOON I PROMMY!!!!!!!!!! ok byebye!

[loisinherlane]

lois aaaandddd... (spins wheel. throws dart) tim!

GIVE ME A CHARACTER;

and I’ll break their ass down:

Lois <3

How I feel about this character

I love Lois, obviously. She's such a fun and complex character beyond her identity as Clark's most iconic love interest. Lois is one of the ultimate standards for morality in Superman mythos, along with the Kents. She sets journalistic standards and prioritizes the truth and believes that being good doesn't mean being nice. She has strong goals and ambitions, and she's been hurt in a lot of ways by the complexities of her childhood (with her father especially). This doesn't leave her as a very open person, but it makes her no less good. And most importantly, Lois is a standard for how you have to stand up for what's right in the world. It's no wonder Clark falls for her.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Clark, really. Only. But also this panel does suggest some Lana/Lois fruitiness...

My non-romantic OTP for this character

I really like seeing her interact with Cat Grant, but I don't know if that's necessarily a strong relationship. Mm... I really liked her dynamic with Jose Delgado at times?

My unpopular opinion about this character

I don't know how unpopular this is, exactly, but I do know Jon in general isn't popular, and I think it's a shame because Lois's identity is a mother is very fascinating. Lois is not someone who I think would have dreamed about it, but I think she adores her children more than anything. And seeing them interact makes me think about how she should be more of a model for her son.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

Lois and Tim fun times!!! I think they'd be hilarious together.

Now Tim!!!

How I feel about this character

Tim is such a fun and complex character as well. Fanon really likes to break him down, and it's such a shame because the canon is much more fun. He's not always right, and his choices are much more interesting when we lean into Tim making bad decisions.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Mostly TimKon. I have a soft spot for TimSteph and TimTam as well. I also believe that Tim had a crush on Bart, even if he didn't know it. He will never, ever admit it. Tim still doesn't know this, actually, but even if he did, he wouldn't admit it.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Tim and Cassie! Also Tim and Cass. I think these are characters who get him in certain ways that he has not yet realized. Sometimes friendship is like hm... do I tell them or let them realize on their own?

My unpopular opinion about this character

Unpopular for fanon, but Tim's mental illness is not just depression. He absolutely displays signs of mania as well. And the more I reread Tim stuff, the more I see depressive and manic tendencies long before people started considering his issues... So I'm a bipolar disorder Tim truther. (Also bipolar Jack and/or Janet. This is why Tim thinks his behavior is normal.)

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

TimKon. No, seriously, I wish Tim got an actual chance to address how his emotions about Kon's death made him act. Tim was in a relationship with Steph not long before he died, and Kon was with Cassie, but that doesn't preclude Tim from having romantic feelings for his bestie, and Tim should have been able to address that. Not with MegFitz though. Oh, I also think Tim should be a journalist and train under Vicki Vale, just to drive her crazy.

[voidtouched-blue]

Good morning.

I'm going to be relatively busy today, but I'll try to clear out my inbox at some point. In other news, I have quite a mix of news to share under the cut. It's about my oldest cat, Samwise (12), and the vet visit we had yesterday. She's okay, just an update on her health that I don't want to potentially trigger anyone with.

She had some lab work done, and the vet told me that the levels of her thyroid are bordering hyperthyroidism, which could also be causing the rise of indicators for chronic kidney disease. She is around the age that cats start developing these common problems, so my timing for bringing her in couldn't have been better. Everything has been caught early, but it does mean that Sam will need check-ups every six months, and I need to change her diet. I also need to prepare to medicate her based on the numbers they just ran. They have another test to run to fully check if she is actually dealing with hyperthyroidism, and I'll be hearing the results from that sometime this week.

To be honest, I admit that I've mostly been in denial that there was even a possibility that she would be getting any sort of disease that older cats tend to get because she's been relatively healthy. Aside from some arthritis in her arms, (and before I got the call about her labs) she's shown no signs of potential illness. She looks good for her age, and she has relatively even muscle tone (according to the vet). But, I'm glad I finally took her in. I want Sam to live as long as she can without suffering. I've had her since 2010 when she was around six weeks old (she was found under someone's porch). She stayed with my parents for a few years before I took her into my care, and she and I have grown immeasurably close. She's my first pet as an adult, and this news is really hard for me, even if nothing is truly wrong yet.

I love my cats. I love them as much as I love my human friends and family.

I know that being able to catch these things early means that I can have more time with her, and I very much intend to. I'm just not prepared as an adult to deal with the emotions that come with being responsible for her health and care.

That being said, I appreciate anyone who took the time to read this. I promise I'm fine, Sam is fine. I just needed to vent about it a little bit. She's one of my best friends, and I can't talk about her enough.

I will be keeping myself quite busy outside of my free time for writing on Tumblr. The cost for her care is entirely my responsibility and I need to start building up my income, so I will be putting my nose to the grindstone to fill my commission queue.

Thanks again to everyone who read this.

[petertingle-yipyip]

OMG WIAT I FOROGT A QUESTION

how do you write characters accurately? and how do you keep your character/oc/reader original and not like basic/stereotypical?

shhh I know those are 2 questions and not 1

this is actually a really good question pair! i’ll use ex and MAG cause she’s the most developed and you interact with her the most. and i’ll break it up so others can scroll cause it’s alot lol

so first, hearing things in their voice helps a lot. when writing matt, frank, billy, foggy, karen, etc i like to reread their dialogue in their voices. lets look at this dialogue (which is from something MAG later on that may or may not release)

when it comes to frank’s delivery, it starts with him worrying about ex she’s been constantly losing people for as long as he’s known her. he puts her ahead of himself because while he’s lost a lot too, he figures she needs comfort more than he does. and then with matt, it’s hard for him to even admit she’s gone so the words don’t even come out at first. then it’s just this confession, all at once and too fast to stop. that, to me, relays that saying it makes it real.

or finding key phrases in their dialect. frank uses “goddamn” for emphasis, says things as questions, leaves off words at the beginning of his sentences (“You ever do that kinda thing?”). matt takes pauses, very passionate and intentful when he talks.

and when it comes to actions, i do kinda cheat bc ill have the episode im writing playing at the same time but i also look at their relationship as a whole. matt is very tactile in general so he’s gonna reach for her or be nearer to her. frank is relatively distant until there’s that kinda peak of emotions. depending on the dynamic you want to create, taking examples of canon reactions can help.

now, as for creating ex, i think she is relatively stereotypical. she’s the black cat to the golden retriever, the grumpy to the sunshine, antihero to the vigilante, frenemies with the other powerful female, cares more than she lets on. i wouldn’t focus on avoiding stereotypes, but finding a combination of the archetypes that fits the personality you want your character to have.

another thing is to let your characters fail. ex wins a lot of fights, but her overall mission of killing fisk didn’t happen in s1 or s3. she doesn’t stop the hand in s2. she loses matt in s2b. she’s betrayed by people left and right; nat, matt, elektra, billy, dex. she doesn’t kill billy either for wcs1. and for someone who’s whole stance is killing people that deserve it or have wronged her, she shows a lot of mercy.

one thing that i thought about ex as im answering this, is perhaps her fatal flaw (i might not be using that right), ex has a tendency to trust too easily (despite her trying to convince herself she doesn’t) which is why she’s always betrayed. she met matt and foggy at a vulnerable time and they showed her basic kindness, boom, instantly loved them. frank showed her respect and didn’t tiptoe around her, which let her be herself and not feel like she had to tread lightly- boom, trusted. she looked matt so she turns to billy, someone she worked with and got along with so she started sleeping with him and actually liked him until he runs it. so then dex, someone who had been by her side and had no inclination to betray her or leave her at the time, later betrays her.

i think it’s not about creating some all new, never before seen, one hundred percent original character as much as creating someone complex and interesting. someone who’s realistic, maybe a little inconsistent. someone who can develop and progress as the story moves forward. i like to think that ex is a very in-depth character that shows clear traits and development, but there’s some things that you can look at and think, ‘she didn’t used to be that way’ like her willingly showing dex mercy. is it bc her old feelings or is it bc he was in matt’s suit or bc she had bigger priorities or bc he couldn’t fight back? i could give an answer but ex is a character that is open to interpretation.

[lilac-udon]

romance blue print for this au, it’s really fiction

I never think this through

sunny -> basil-yes in love but stupid, definitely like basil accompany bc he is lonely but deny most feelings towards him, at first it’s bc he thinks basil is human, then the I’m just the worst person I caused death. Both of them are mentally ill so they never communicate their affection because reason

Later part he give up whatever they are and just go with basil , he knows he likes him and basil seem like happy to follow whatever sunny desire, he is indecisive because of mari, which later he felt better w basil which caused conflict in his mind

basil->sunny- obsessed with the idea of death, but also slowly got attached of the changes of someone can and only ever be aside without leaving or dying before him, he would followed whatever ppl wants, a bit of unaware selfish tendencies shows when he wants sunny attention to himself , same as sunny, unspoken rules but very comfortable getting comfy with him , actually really stressed out getting actual indication of others loving him

Kel -> basil- in love with basil. He idealizes starting a family or being with someone because of loneliness, and how his father and mother relationship. Problems is not knowing basil enough, and basil intentionally hiding info about himself form kel because don’t want to hurt him or think they will keep this way and kel passion will fade . They are really nice to each other . Kel just always thought he love basil and whatever happened he just wanted basil happiness (so if sunny and basil became a thing, good for them) it actually goes more and more neutral till the day he got heartbroken

I got tired and this make no sense

Omori ->basil-not much opinion, good food and interesting, noting beyond that, also not letting sunny be with basil is what sunny deserves

Omori->sunny- (middle finger if he could) think sunny a cat and too indecisive, don’t really want to care about him but they sadly share a body, actually still listen to sunny wishes, even though he won’t admit, really rough ways but he is the one trying to take care of sunny , he is very hungry

Basil ->omori- the more straightforward person that is alike sunny, acts more childish, wants to take care

Sunny->omori- who ? to, other me please help me , acceptance, try to make Omori less aggressive, but like how

Kel-> sunny- respectful and sorry for him, best friend, actually someone who understands him, and plays with him sometimes(kel -wow i thought I was childish, never know your too) deep bond

Aubrey-> sunny- respectful (not saying, and just a bit fan girl, just a tiny bit) sunny and Aubrey is more like study group or teacher student for my blue prints, yet to be finished

Sunny->Aubrey- really pretty person but I felt like she hate me, worried about her, try to warn her

Kel-> Aubrey- friend, got tempter but funny and nice to talk to, sometimes wisdom sometimes just fooling around, helping her with her stuff

Aubrey->kel - stupid wolf boy, actually good companion but won’t admit, hope him have a better future them her

Basil-> Aubrey- jealous, if I’m a woman would sunny like me more , a little scared of her because she always seems angry towards him

Aubrey-> Basil- jealous, you will never die , why can’t I be like you , also other complicated emotion (? yet to be finished

Hero-> kel- deeply sorry but don’t know how to fix their relationship after he been avoiding the problem, busy doing other stuff to occupy his goalless life, he isn’t really trying to fix it because he’s really busy, everything in his life seems perfect besides himself and the incident he hurts kel

Kel -> hero- it hurts a bit but get a life on his own, happy to see his bother succeed, feel like he needs to be happy about his current life but has difficulty to communicate with hero, he knows but he doesn’t know how to

hero-> mari-admired/ also a lot of emotion I don’t want to talk about bc spoilers and I felt people would just get the wrong idea, yet to finish

Mari -> hero- the same ,yet to reveal

Mari-> sunny- complicated ,yet to reveal

The blueprint element will be: protective, plan B

[burning-thistles-bt]

rereading ft, and i wanted to ask: do whitestorm and spottedpaw/leaf eventually talk about what thistleclaw did? whitestorm was visibly overwhelmed with emotion after his own father admitted to getting an apprentice pregnant; how could he process such a horrible reality? he wouldn’t have known *how* to bring it up to spottedpaw. i like to think they do talk about it at some point

I believe this is what you're looking for:

Chapter 111: A Sleeping Enemy? x3 (+1)

“Spottedleaf?”

Spottedleaf tilted her head as the white pelt of Whitestorm padded forth from the entrance. “Hello, Whitestorm,” she meowed.

“Bad dreams?” Whitestorm asked as he came to a stop beside her. His face furrowed with worry.

“Something like that,” Spottedleaf murmured. Whitestorm settled down beside her, gazing at her with concern.

“Are you alright?” Whitestorm questioned. “I can go get Brindleface if you need someone to talk to-”

“No, Whitestorm,” Spottedleaf chuckled. “That’s quite alright.”

“Oh,” Whitestorm said. “Do you… want me to stay? I can leave if you want to be in the clearing alone.”

“It’s alright, Whitestorm,” Spottedleaf told him. “I’m not afraid of you because you’re Thistlestar’s son, you know.”

“I never thought you were,” Whitestorm meowed. “Just… it can’t be nice to have me as a reminder. I look like him.”

“You look more like Snowfur,” Spottedleaf pointed out.

“But you never met Snowfur?”

“I’ve seen her in StarClan.”

“Oh.”

Spottedleaf chuckled. “Yes, oh. Now, why are you nervous?”

“What?” Whitestorm blinked at her, then scoffed. “I’m- I’m not nervous. I’m Whitestorm!”

“Yes, the strong and powerful warrior of ThunderClan.” Spottedleaf smiled. “You don’t often let yourself look nervous, these days. Yet you are now. Something’s troubling you. What is it?”

Whitestorm stared at his paws. “I’m alright,” he meowed. “Just… you’re right. I’m worried. Willowpelt’s given birth, and they’re wonderful, truly! But I can’t help but be concerned. I mean, Elderpaw and Tulippaw nearly died when they were kits. I know I only fathered them, but didn’t raise them, as Brindleface requested, but I still care for them. I don’t want anything bad to happen to my kits.”

“That’s normal,” Spottedleaf said. “New parents are often worried for their kits. A lot could go wrong. But they have the safety of the clan to protect them.”

“Yes, but…”

“But?” Spottedleaf pressed.

“But Bluestar hasn’t been herself lately,” Whitestorm sighed, and now Spottedleaf knew she had gotten to the root of the issue. “I know she’s on her last life, Spottedleaf, and I… I don’t know if I’m ready to let her go yet. Especially with ShadowClan’s illness on our border… and I do hope Copperleaf’s okay. But… But ever since Tigerclaw…” Whitestorm blinked, eyes misty. “I know he was always a bit… rough. But I never imagined my best friend would be capable of such treachery. He was like a brother to me. But he killed Redtail! He tried to kill Bluestar. I just can’t wrap my head around it.” He shook his head. “But I have to. For Fireheart. He’s doing a great job as deputy, really, Spottedleaf.” He blinked warmly at her. “He’s a great cat. I’ll be proud to call him leader one day. But he’s still young. And he has so many problems already… because of Thistlestar.” Whitestorm growled, eyes narrowed. “I have to keep myself calm and composed for Fireheart’s sake. For all of the Clan’s sake.”

“But not for me,” Spottedleaf meowed. “Or Willowpelt, or Brindleface. We’re all your friends.”

Whitestorm smiled. “Thank you. I’m glad we’re still friends. There was… I wish I had been more supportive, when you… when everything went down. But I had just been so shocked. I was worried you wouldn’t like me anymore. But I’m glad we found each other again. You’re a good friend, Spottedleaf.”

“You are too, Whitestorm,” she replied. “Don’t discredit yourself. You were one of the few who didn’t…” She closed her eyes, not wanting to remind herself of the fear and the terror she had felt as a young apprentice. It felt so long ago now. Her kits had grown.

And so had she.

[phawareglobal]

Lynette Chambers - phaware® interview 494

Lynette Chambers, a 9-year PAH (pulmonary arterial hypertension) patient, has also been diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis (PF). She shares her journey, from struggling with daily activities to being admitted to the hospital with severely low oxygen levels. Lynette discusses the emotional challenges of facing a terminal illness and the difficulty of balancing work and family time. Despite the hard reality, Lynette emphasizes the importance of gratitude, making others feel better, and being the best version of oneself. She finds strength in her family, especially her grandchildren, and strives to create lasting memories and make a positive impact on those around her.

My name is Lynette Chambers. I’ve been diagnosed for nine years now. I was in the hospital with congestive heart failure and they did a whole bunch of tests and decided that I had PAH. So, I’ve been going through a journey with congestive heart failure and PAH. Now, nine years later, I’ve been diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis.   I was at work, I was running a swimming pool company. I was running around getting stock and dealing with clients and stuff, and I was finding that I was really short of breath. After I was done talking to a person, it was like, I can’t get a full breath. For me, it was really scary because I thought there’s something wrong that I can’t breathe. Then, I went home, I could breathe fine. I drove home. Then, I got out of the car and went to walk up to the house. I couldn’t walk all the way up our sidewalk, which is like maybe 10 feet from the car to the house. I would have to stop, take a breath, go up our four stairs, stop, take a breath, and then go in the house and sit on the couch and try and recuperate.   As the days went on, it just got harder and harder and became a lot more evident that I can’t lift stock, I can’t run from one end of the store to the other. I would recuperate on the drive home. Once I got there, I couldn’t make it into the house. It wasn’t a fluid motion. I went, okay, there’s something really wrong. I’ve always been active. I’d always taken my kids camping, done all kinds of things, water-skiing, downhill skiing. I couldn’t do any of that. I was just so fatigued the whole time. So, I went, no, there’s something going on here.    I had a shower and I couldn’t get out of the shower. I had to sit on the edge of the tub. Then I got to where I felt a little bit better and I decided, no, I better go in. I went into the hospital. My oxygen level was at 48% and my heart rate was 174 over 94. So they went, “Okay, you’re admitted and that’s where you’re staying.” I was admitted into St. Boniface Hospital for two and a half weeks, while they tried to figure out what was going on. That’s when they did all the tests. At first they said, “No, it’s just congestive heart failure.” Then, they went, “But your oxygen went to 48. So that tells us there’s something in the lungs.” So they started doing more tests, like echocardiogram, all of that. Then, they went, “Okay, this definitely PH,” and that’s where it stayed. I’ve had my cardiologist put me in touch with another doctor who deals with my PAH, and then I have a cardiologist that deals with my heart. Then, I have a respirologist who now diagnosed me with PF after doing a CAT scan.    I was in the hospital in and out from December to March five times with what they thought was pneumonia. My respirologist went, “Nobody gets pneumonia five times in a row.” I would go from one med to another. She said, “No, I want a CAT scan of the heart and lungs today.” I got a CAT scan and she phoned me at work and said, “Are you sitting down?” I said, “No, but I’ll take you and I to a boardroom.” So we went to the boardroom and she said, “You have PF.” I said, “Okay, what’s PF?” She said, “It’s pulmonary fibrosis, which is a scarring of the lung tissue, making it harder to breathe and suffocating the lung on its way up.” I said, “Okay, what are we doing?” She said, “Well, I’m not sure yet, because it is terminal. So whatever we do, I want you to understand you’re not going to get better.” I said, “Okay, well, we knew that with PAH.” She said, “No, this one’s different and you’re just going to find it harder and harder to breathe.” So we’re now in the testing process of finding out what meds will work for both or where we’re going to go from here, what tomorrow will look like.   When I first was diagnosed with PAH, I thought, “Okay, this is it. I’m done.” But then, I started reading and reading and reading. I heard more stories about people lasting 20, 30 years. That was great. But then when I was told I have PF, and I started looking into that and I asked, “What does that look like?” Because when I was first diagnosed with PAH, my doctor said, “You’re going to be dead in two to five years.” It was left at that. There was no empathy, there was nothing. It was more of a, just so you know.    Then, when I got the PF and I started looking, I didn’t find anybody that had had the disease more than seven years. So, then I started in my head going, okay, I have two grandchildren. One turned three and one is six. I’m not going to see them graduate. I’m not going to see them grow up. It’s a reality check and it’s hard, because you want to think, well, I can keep working because I have that energy and I love my job. So you want to keep doing that. But then in the back of your head is how much quality time am I missing with my family by being at work? So it’s a, could I afford to just not work? So there’s this whole piece emotionally where you’re going, what am I missing by doing this? Or what will I miss if I don’t do this?    Amazon and I are best friends and I order everything I can, so my grandchildren have everything. Part of that is because I want them to remember me. I want them to know that Ama loves them, and I may not be there in person, but I will always be there. So, yeah, there’s that emotional thing that you do go through. I think when you’re being given a diagnosis of a terminal illness, there’s always that human component of this is your reality. This is where you are at.   I have a husband that I love more than anything. I’m not going to get to grow old with him. We think when we get married that that’s why we marry is we’re going to grow old with our best friend and I won’t. It’s a challenge to get up every morning and know today may be your last day. You try not to think that way, and you try and be positive, because I believe positivity creates everything, but it’s really tough to put yourself back in there.   I do believe that we’re all born and made for a reason and you do what you can do. I’ve been very blessed through my life. I’ve been a foster parent of 30 kids since I was 19. I have my own biological children and I’ve adopted children, so I’ve been very, very blessed in the life that I have. But it’s still hard to think that it’s going to end and I can’t do more and be more. For me, I need to be more to everyone and do whatever I can. If I can make somebody smile, I will. If I can help out in any way, shape or form, that’s who I am. This disease makes it harder to know that you’re not going to be there to make those changes. You can’t make a difference the way you’re used to.    I have learned, and I’m very blessed to have learned this. One of the ladies I worked with said to me, we were talking about gratitude, and she said, “Take 15 minutes a day and write down five things that you’re grateful for. Read that at night before you go to bed. The next day you get up, have your day, take your 15 minutes and write down five things you’re grateful for.” Do you know I’ve been doing that for almost eight months? Not once have I written the same thing twice. You look back at that and you go, wow, look at all of this that I’m grateful for. That makes you go through the next step and go to the next day and see what five things you come up with at the end of that day.   My family is my strength. I look at my grandchildren. If you watch the innocence in a child, it’s so amazing. I watch my grandchildren and I listen to them. It makes you want to be better. They make you want to do more, because it’s just so incredible how they look at things. People are arguing and fighting outside, and my granddaughter’s picking flowers. I said, “What are you picking flowers for?” She said, “Maybe they’ll be happy.” She wanted to take these two people flowers. She’s six years old. All she sees is two people who need something. That makes you want to be better. That makes you want to do more, realizing that the smallest token is the largest gift that you can give someone.   The most important takeaway for all of us in life is be the best that you can be. Be true to you, but be the best that you can be. If you can say to someone who looks like they’re having a hard day, “I really like that blouse. That’s nice.” They smile and they feel better about themselves. It’s a two-second thing. It doesn’t mean anything to you, but it sure does to the person on the receiving end. I think that that’s the biggest thing for me is you need to try and make everybody feel better. It makes you feel better inside, knowing that you’ve made someone smile. You’ve given someone something to take from their day. If it’s part of their gratitude post, great. If not, better luck next time.    My name is Lynette Chambers, and I’m aware that I’m rare. Learn more about pulmonary hypertension trials at www.phaware.global/clinicaltrials. Engage for a cure: www.phaware.global/donate #phaware Share your story: info@phaware.com Like, Subscribe and Follow us: www.phawarepodcast.com. @phacanada 

Listen and View more on the official phaware™ podcast site

[solardick]

Every proud obstacle… That is a curious set of words.

“That keeps people from knowing god.”

What is pride in this day and age? In the face of such deep shame. The antidote is demote pride. Be proud of who you are. You are changing the world for the better. Peace and love all around, the hippies are dancing on the moon.

The moon means itself a couple of things. The night, the lamp in the dark, the feminine cycle of attraction and repulsion, romance, mania/sanity. It is taught to mean, history, needs, and nurturance. The mother and the family. The emotional.

This stipulates that wants and needs of the material plain, are cyclic. And will never last or advance. Only reflect the state of that solar power. Is it functional? Active? Needs set task.

Knowing god and knowledge of god can speak the same message. But becomes more complicates by knowledge of. This will depend on position. What side. The side of god, or the side of man. One is clearly with and the other is aside. But the knowledge of what is god. Is functional. One implies direct contact with. The other is of wisdom from.

One is soft, sincere, and the other is an dickhole. Morally ambiguous.

What is inspiration. A failing dream. Learnd not to.

The price of not bein go fucked with anymore is a permanent desease.

Dont really like the instructor. Sme type of pwrsonlity as the eldest brother with the co stant jokes made in all seriousness. Except for admiting that it was a joke after it was said.

Hello dick in ass desease how are you doing. Fine morning is it? I dohno. I doibt im surviving mich konger. First thing i feel in the morning. Last thing i feel before falling asleep. Its sll there is to life.

Pills dony work. And im not “allowed” to see a doctor. Especially one yhat speaks my language.

Because im jusr a eice of shot fag bashing asshole that throuws cats agaisnt walls and treats wemen like trash. Yup. Thats me. Alright. Being punished for how othe rpeople treat me.

But the ttruth is, there is no reason. Pwople have always. Taken it for themselves to put themselves over me. Simce my first memory. Thats all its ever been. And i cant do it anymore.

An issantiable itch at the end of your nose rhat you can’t scratch becaise ypu have no arms. And scratching isnt going to do anything anyway. And upu just eant to cut the nose off your face.

Guess ill never know what internal growth feels like.

Thats what happens when your born in hell you get raped for 40 straight years and then you kill yourself.

Im here to conclude my fakily disfunction karmic history. Im my father long lost drowned brother and my mothers expelled and hated brother. Put them both together and you got me. Someone who gets abused into suicide.

At work im bieng shuffled around again. Like its always been. Paired with people im not compatible with. Who fucke with me. And being switched to

12 hours shift. Never lasted 12 hour shifts before. Dont know why i would now. Not like im getting another job. Thye made surenof that.

They brought in another girl. A pretty litle thing for that venus aspect the other day. Not really my tyoe of pretty. And too young. But it does give me soemthing. Soft and feminine to look at. To contrast the endless years of chaos. She’ll pribably fuck with me like every other girl they lined me uo for. But she has tatts. And tatts are really unattractive.

Vaca time coming up. Use that time. To detoxify from all external influences. Cause nono e of them are good. And see if this desease gets better if not. More doctors. Maybe anti depressants. Since it causes severe suicidal inclinations. Anyo depressants never worked before. They made me worst but whatever.

Maybe i can get some more estrogen laced weed and smoke and game. Its not like ill notice. Im too busy concentrating on getting killed.

Like i said half the people here are leaving. All new people coming. More certainty ill be getting fucked with.

With dick in ass disease you’ll be a 65 year old man still craving to get fucked in the ass everyday. Sex overrules the survival.

Wonder how many gay men im going to be worki g witb. I bet their gonna multiply. Because apparently according to the census. Canada is 6% queer compared to the global 1% but according to wrsonal experimece. Ita more like 30 to 40 percent.

And apparently the entire world lives by my horoscope. Alone. They dont have one. Its only mine.

But its ok though because ill be entering the gate of man soon.

Hello asshole. Want to shit mucous for breakfast. Ok. My asshole is my only freind. I dint even have a sex drive anymore. But thats ok becias their bringing in a new girl to sexually harrass me with and then they rape me again.

12 hour shifts. Yeah. Ok. Thats gonna work. Get up ear breakdast go to work. Have nothign to eat so, ficnish work go grocery shoping. Get home. Not have enough time to

Cook anything. Tv dinner. Microwave shower bed. If i can sleep. If not. Gaming and tv for a

Fee hours go to sleep wake up 4-5 hours later. Eat breakfast. Go

To work. Drive a forklift for 12 hours or manyla

Labour. Leave go back grocery shopping and repeat. By the third day. All have had maybe 12 hours sleep in total. Gor back to

Work. Druve forklift. Yup. Aure is safe amd secure around here.

Never lasted 12 hour shoft sbefore dont know why i would

Now. Ill be back

To welfare and suicideagain. before too long

I dont know how to live and maneuver society. So i cant work for

Myself.

Im not surviving what they’r

Doing to me. They all get away murder.

Well, lost all the hairs on my left foot. And over half on my right foot. And only now after a couple weeks or so. Theres starting to have a couple retarded growths come back. Shins are now patchy. Finer patches all the way up the left thy. Less so on the right. Patch on thr small of the back. Is gone. Good riddance to that one. My ass went from a jungle to a desert. Everything above the waist unchanged.

The cock just doodled. Time to suck on some coffee.

Think im just goi g to stay consistantly high for the rest of my life. But its ok. Because my govenrment supports it.

I quit weed for a few years, then they legalized it. I quit tv and gaming was weaning my way off cigs. And the. They got their hands on me. Erased all my good work. All the weaning off of base lunar desires. And fucken raped my life. Beat me into a beligerent mess. Back into base desires. And said go get therapy. I tried. Said i havd an enyore community of fucken retards raping my existamce. Amd she said sorry i cant help you. Then waited for 6 months for a half ass notice for a shrink. By that time i no longer cared. Because im not important enough to be taken seriously. Sorry good lord. This is hell uou have no say.

Hurry up 10 am so i can go buy some drugs and game the rest if the day. Like a good little boy. What im supposed to be doing. Sedated, pacified, oppressed and receptive.

[herstarlitdreams]

CW: Discussion of a very ill, possibly dying loved one, and all the complicated feelings and emotions that come with that.

Being a full-time caregiver for a chronically ill loved one is a lot.

6 years ago I made a commitment, and I stand by that decision. I moved in with my partner and I have been taking care of them ever since.

When we first moved in together, my partner still had a lot of independence. My caregiving duties were mostly housekeeping, meal prep, shopping, and medication management. My partner was able to stand and walk (limited), feed themselves, wash themselves, and was for the most part very aware and alert at all times with a fairly normal sleep schedule.

Today, my partner is bedbound. They have lost a lot of their independence and need me to feed them, bathe them, and even move them. Every day my schedule is packed full with hourly checks, turning and moving my partner. I have to keep the house clean, manage both our medications, meal prep and shop. I have to take care of our cats and manage pest control. My partner, most days, has enough awareness to make decisions and participates in finance management and planning, but some days they are barely awake, let alone lucid and alert.

We are currently, once again, in the hospital. Last night, my partner's blood glucose dipped very low because they haven't been able to eat anything. They haven't moved in 5 days because any position other than the one they're in is too hard for them to breathe in.

I feel like I'm losing them, and I feel like I'm losing my mind.

Even as the doctors claim that the vitals and bloodwork are improving, my partner seems to be the same.

My partner seems like they're giving up, and I don't know what to do or say about it. How do you convince someone who hasn't been able to feed themselves or sit up or move on their own for almost a year that life is still worth living? How do you tell your loved one, who is suffering and in pain and miserable, that it will get better, when the truth is that it simply might NOT?

My partner has been in a downward spiral since November 2021. Almost 3 full years. They have been miserable, with more bad days than good, and they have admitted to me multiple times that I am the only reason they keep holding on.

The guilt is crippling. How can I keep asking them to cling desperately to a life they don't want, a life where they're barely living at all anyway?

And at the same time, how do I tell them that it's okay to go? How do I tell them that I'll be okay, without making them feel like they're holding me back and that I'd be happier without them here? Because I wouldn't be. I came to terms years ago with the fact that I will outlive my partner, but that doesn't make the thought any less devastating. I don't know how to be alone. I don't know for sure that I won't completely self-destruct once they're gone.

But I don't want them to cling to life just to keep me happy. I don't want them to survive in misery and despair just because they feel guilty about leaving me.

I don't want them to die, but I don't really feel like they're alive most of the time anymore.

It's terrifying and I hate it. I don't know how to help them recover, and I don't know how to help them let go and move on. We're both stuck. We're both so stressed and sick and miserably.

I want the life we built together back. I want my partner back. I want them to recover and be happy again. And yes, I want equality back in our relationship, because they used to take care of me just as much as I was taking care of them, and now they can't. As selfish as this is, I no longer feel like I'm in a relationship. I'm just a caregiver. I'm just doing my job. Yes I love them. I love them so much that my heart is breaking from grief and they haven't even passed yet.

I want them to get better, or I want them to pass. This horrible, awful limbo that they're in is the worst. They aren't happy, I'm not happy. We're trapped and I don't know what to do except scream into the void and beg whatever might be out there, god or demon or whatever, to do something to improve the situation. Anything.

I'm just so tired.