#ikesen crack fic

[writingwhimsey]

Congrats on your milestone!!!! 🥹🎊🎉 May I request a crack fic with Mitsuhide and Hideyoshi (or your warlords of choice) Body Swap or Roommates? 😂Sorry Hideyoshi 😅🙏🏻

Sorry this one took so long, but well...oh this one was fun! Also... it MAY have gotten a little on the long side *cough* 3500 words *cough* I hope you enjoy! Hideyoshi and Mitsuhide body swap crack for the win!

A Wish Gone Awry

Hideyoshi glared at Mitsuhide as he held him against one of the castle walls. Mitsuhde, looked unaffected as always, giving Hideyoshi a teasing silver smile. “Oh, Hideyoshi I had no idea you felt so strongly about me.”

“One of these days you’re going to have to let me in.” Hideyoshi replied, still angry. “I will find out your secrets and if it’s anything I don’t like…”

The chatelaine sighed as she watched the exchange. “Can you two stop already?” She asked as she came up to them, putting a hand on each of them and trying to force them apart. “We’re all on the same side, so let’s just not try to hurt each other okay.”

Hideyoshi sighed as he released Mitsuhide. Mitsuhide just smiled as he brushed his robes back into place. “You really don’t need to worry about this.” Hideyoshi told her, patting her head in that brotherly way of his.

“Yes little mouse. One would think you’d be used to seeing us like this by now.” Mitsuhide replied, that cheshire smile on his face.

“Well, I don’t like seeing my friends fighting.” She replied, glaring at them both. “Unless this is some kinda weird foreplay for the two of you, I don’t wanna see it again.”

Hideyoshi blinked as he looked at her. “W-what…”

Mitsuhide practically doubled over laughing. “Oh, little mouse, you are so entertaining.” He told her. “I haven’t laughed like that…in a long time.”

She just glared at the two of them, doing her best impression of Hideyoshi’s scold face. “Just TRY to get along will you?!” She was then walking off in a huff.

Later that night, the chatelaine sat out on the veranda outside her room after a bath. Her mind kept wandering to Hideyoshi and Mitsuhide even as she looked up at the stars. As she gazed up, her eyes found a shooting star. Though it seemed childish, she closed her eyes and made a wish on that star.

“I wish Hideyoshi and Mitsuhide could understand each other and learn to get along better.” She whispered to herself. She did not know that her little wish would kick off events that would cause chaos the likes of which she had never dreamed could exist.

The next morning…

Hideyoshi woke and stretched early in the morning. He had been up late the previous night…having to stop Lord Nobunaga from eating too much konpeito…and then having to find another hiding place for it.

Hideyoshi sat up and let out a yawn before rubbing his eyes. He honestly felt even more tired than he thought he would. His neck ached in a way that suggested he had been looking over reports instead of making the castle rounds.

Slowly, his senses came to him and that was when the familiar scent of incense tickled his nose. It wasn’t the usual sandal wood and tobacco scent that filled his room. No this scent…it was the incense Mitsuhide burned.

Hideyoshi’s bleary eyes instantly came into focus the room around him suddenly sharp and clear. “This…this isn’t…this is Mitsuhide’s manor…how in the eight hells am I here?”

The door was sliding open then and Kyubei entered. “My lord, what are you doing in bed? This isn’t like you.”

Hideyoshi blinked. “What…what are you talking about?” He asked. “This…this is some kind of joke isn’t it?”

Kyubei sighed. “My lord, this is exactly why I am always telling you to take better care of yourself.”  He said. “I’ll have the maids get you breakfast together.” He was then leaving.

Hideyoshi was getting up and running over to the desk and picking up a hand mirror. He looked into it and found Mitsuhide’s face staring back at him. “That…that bastard! I don’t know what he did, but I know this was his doing somehow.”

Meanwhile MItsuhide…

Mitsuhide woke with what appeared to be a pounding headache. He was no stranger to discomfort, but it was usually an aching back or neck from sitting up all night looking over reports and sending out letters. This…this felt like stress.

It was then that Mitsuhide was hit with a familiar scent…sandalwood and tobacco. “My, my…” He murmured as his eyes opened. “How did I end up here?” It was surprising to him that as he spoke, he didn’t hear his own voice, but Hideyoshi’s.

“Curious.” He muttered before getting up and looking down at himself. His hands weren’t his own…the body wrapped in a green night robe and not the familiar lithe frame he was used to, but bulkier. He was then picking up a hand mirror when he was ready to test out the theory that had already been forming in his mind.

“Well, well what an interesting turn of events.” He mused as he looked at the reflection showing Hideyoshi’s face.

A maid was coming in then, carrying a tray. “I have your breakfast ready Lord Hideyoshi.” She said, bowing. “The princess is already here trying to get Lord Mitsunari to eat his breakfast. She said that was something she didn’t want you to have to worry about.”

Right…Hideyoshi’s motherhen nature. And our little seamstress trying to help everyone else. He thought to himself. “Yes, yes that is just like her. Thank you.” He said.

The maid seemed surprised by the manner in which Mitsuhide spoke to her, but bowed. “Well… if you need anything just let me know.” She replied before bowing and exiting.

“Oh right, Hideyoshi talks to his maids more.” Mitsuhide mused. “Oh well…of course this is an opportunity I cannot afford to waste.”

Later…

Hideyoshi, in Mitsuhide’s body was scouring the castle for that sly kitsune in a Hideyoshi suit. I have to find myself. He thought as he searched everywhere. He had gotten ready and headed out to his own manor as quickly as possible, but was told Lord Hideyoshi has already left for the day.

“Ugh, I have to find that bastard.” Hideyoshi muttered under his breath, still having a hard time believing that every time he spoke it was Mitsuhide’s voice he heard instead of his own.

“It’s been hours…and he;s not even TRYING.” Hideyoshi muttered as he continued to look through the castle for Mitsuhide.

“Mitsuhide…”

Hideyoshi turned at the sound of the princess’s voice. “Oh….uh…”

She smiled at him. “I hear you’ve been looking for Hideyoshi. You aren’t going to provoke him again are you?” She asked.

“Of course not.” Hideyoshi answered, a frown on his face…er Mitsuhide’s face. Wait…that wasn’t a very Mitsuhide-like answer. He thought. He groaned internally. “I…I mean why ever would I do that?” Hideyoshi replied, doing his best to think like Mitsuhide.

The princess gave him a funny look. “Are you feeling okay, Mitsuhide?” She asked.

“Yes, perfectly fine.” Hideyoshi answered, still having a hard time answering to that name.

“You know, you both really do work too hard.” She said, a concerned look on her face. “I think you’re both a lot more alike than you realize…I just wish you two would get along.”

Hideyoshi felt guilty looking into her eyes. She really was so kind and caring…that’s why he wanted to look out for her. “Do you know where Mit…I mean Hideyoshi is?”

“Last I saw him he was headed into town.” She answered him, her eyes still holding concern.

“Did he mention where he was going?”

The princess shook her head. “No. He seemed to be in a rush though…the maids have said he’s not acting like himself.”

Hideyoshi nodded. Well of course not. Because I’m him and he’s me! He then let out a small sigh. “I wish I could help, but I must be off. I have to find him.” Then without thinking he lifted a hand to pat her head as he always did.

The princess looked up at him with wide eyes. “Mitsu…hide…?”

Hideyoshi let out an awkward cough…once again a not very Mitsuhide-like thing, but he couldn’t think about that right now…also he hated lying and deceit. “I just…thought you looked like…you were missing your big brother.” He said…yes that sounded like something Mitsuhide would say.

“Well…I am…but…it’s weird when you do it…” She replied, though something in her eyes said that the gesture still felt the same. Almost as if she could detect the truth.

“Well…I’ll see you later.” He said before quickly hurrying off. He didn’t want her to know. This wasn’t something that needed to get out.

Hideyoshi made his way into town guilt riddling him at how he left the princess looking…and to top it off he knew he was supposed to take her into town shopping later. That might have been one of the reasons she had looked so sad and concerned. He loved taking her shopping and spoiling her.

“I’ll just have to make it up to her another time.” He thought as he continued through the town. I have to think…where would Mistuhide go upon finding out he was in MY body?

Hideyoshi’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone crying. Hideyoshi, though he was in Mitsuhide’s body, couldn’t help himself from being himself. He made his way over to the sound of the crying and that was where he found several familiar faces…all women he considered friends in the town.

“Excuse me ladies, what seems to be the matter?” He asked.

The women looked up at him, surprise in their eyes. “Oh, Lord Mitsuhide…” Sodoko said. “We… pardon us…it’s nothing.”

“Have you ladies…seen Hideyoshi by any chance?” He asked, almost hesitantly.

“Oh that…ugh…yes we’ve seen him.” Another of the women answered, her voice sounding angry.

“Is…is he why you’re all so upset?”

Sodoko and the other women exchanged a look before she spoke up. “Yes…he was… he was being rather mean. Normally he is kind when refuting our offers…but he practically ignored us all. It’s just…it’s not like him.”

Hideyoshi groaned once again. I knew that damn kitsune would be ruining my reputation. “I’ll make sure to find him and straighten him out for you ladies.” Hdieyoshi said. “I am so sorry for what he has done.” He was then handing them all handkerchiefs he happened to carry before walking off.

The women were all staring after him in utter confusion.

As Hideyoshi continued to search for Mitsuhide, he kept running into various people he knew… and they ALL had an encounter with “Hideyoshi” and were all saying how out of character he was and describing insane antics that Hideyoshi would never do.

“It’s going to take me YEARS to undo the damage he has done in just a single day…assuming I can ever get back to my body.” Hideyoshi muttered as he made his way back to the castle after having learned someone had seen “Hideyoshi” heading back there.

Meanwhile Mitsuhide…

After causing some trouble in town, Mitsuhide in his Hideyoshi suit, headed back to the castle. When he walked into the halls, he happened to see the princess walking around, carrying some missives, she appeared to be delivering. Though she was lost in thought and not paying too much attention to her surroundings.

Oh little mouse…you have made this TOO EASY. He thought with a grin as he walked up behind her. “There you are.” He said, leaning down to speak directly into her ear.

The princess jumped and let out a shriek of surprise. She was then reaching back and slapping his chest almost on instinct. She blinked in surprise as Mitsuhide caught her hand. “H-Hideyoshi?” She asked. “I would…”

“Were you expecting someone else?” He asked, wearing a cheshire grin, somehow making that expression appear on Hideyoshi’s face as if it belonged there.

“I…I would have thought…that it would be Mitsuhide…” She replied, looking so confused.

Mitsuhide grinned. “But it is me.”

“Yeah…speaking of Mistuhide was looking for you earlier.” She replied. “He… he didn’t seem like himself.”

Mitsuhide had to school “his” expression, though amusement still danced in “his” eyes. Oh, I bet he is just frantic. “Yes, well he can continue to look for me for a while.” Mitsuhide replied, relishing this opportunity. “Why don’t you and I take a break together and go into town?”

The princess looked up at him. “I have some work to finish up first…and don’t you have a lot to do? I thought we were going to go shopping later when we were both finished with work?”

Ah, yes, Hideyoshi would make those plans. He thought. “Something has come up then, but I m free for a bit now. Come with me.” He said, reaching for her hand and beginning to gently tug her along.

“Hideyoshi…” She said, her voice sounding so confused.

Mitsuhide really couldn’t help himself now. He pulled the princess to a secluded hallway and was then backing her against the wall. “Don’t you want to spend some time with me?” He asked, lifting a hand to place fingers beneath her chin.

“I…Hideyoshi…what are you….” She replied, her eyes wide and heart pounding.

Mitsuhide really couldn’t stop himself. He knew he was supposed to be Hideyoshi…and Hideyoshi was still in denial of his true feelings for the Oda princess…Mitsuhide was however not under the same delusion. He regularly teased her like this, letting himself enjoy whatever he could from her. He knew Hideyoshi harbored the same feelings for her, but kept himself in denial… insisting she was just his “little sister.”

“What? I just want to take you out and spoil you.” Mitsuhide replied, beginning to stroke her chin.

Her breath seemed to catch…similar to how it did when he teased her like this in his own body. It seemed she had strong reactions to the both of them.

“Hideyoshi…” She was then reaching up and smacking his hand away. “What in the hell has gotten into you? You really aren’t acting like yourself at all.”

Before Mitsuhide could respond, Hideyoshi was approaching in his body. “There you are, you sneaky bastard!” Hideyoshi shouted. “And just WHAT are you doing to her?!”

Mitsuhide pulled away from the Princess, smiling nonchalantly. “Nothing to concern you.”

Hideyoshi glared at him before rushing up to him and grabbing him by the ear and dragging him off. He then looked back at the princess. “Sorry, but there’s something VERY important I have to discuss with him.”

The princess watched them both head off, utter confusion on her face. “It’s…it’s like they’ve switched personalities or something…” She muttered in a daze as she worked to slow her clamoring heart.

Hideyoshi dragged Mitsuhide to an empty room in the castle. “What in the eight hells have you done, Mitsuhide?!” He asked once they were alone.

Mitsuhide shrugged. “I was just making sure you were a bit more honest with your desires.”

Hideyoshi looked at him. “I mean what kind of twisted magic or trickery have you pulled off to have us switch bodies? And for what purpose? To utterly ruin me?!” 

“I have done nothing. I have no idea what caused this.” Mitsuhide answered. “I know everyone calls me a kitsune, but I really don’t have any magic. If I did YOU would for certain know now.”

Hideyoshi groaned. “The ONLY reason I am not punching you right now is because I don’t want my jaw to hurt later when I get back into my own body.”

Mitsuhide gave Hideyoshi an amused smile. “You may as well. I earned a few slaps from some of your lady friends in town earlier today.”

“Why you…”

Before Hideyoshi could finish his sentence, the pair were being interrupted by Masamune. “There you two are.” He said, a gleam in his eye. Though he did look a bit confused. From his perspective Mitsuhide was the one holding Hideyoshi against the wall and looking angry. “What is this?”

Hideyoshi instantly let go of Mitsuhide. “It’s nothing. What’s going on?”

“We’re having that banquet for the lass tonight.” Masamune answered. “Or did you two forget? If you still need a moment alone…”

“My, my…” Mitsuhide murmured. “To think we could ever forget something so important.”

“Of course we didn’t forget.” Hideyoshi replied.

“Well come on before she gets to the banquet hall and we aren’t able to surprise her.” Masamune replied.

“Of course.” Mitsuhide replied.

The trio walked out of the hall and towards the main hall. Hideyoshi muttered under his breath to Mitsuhide, “We’ll finish this later.”

They just had to make it through until they could get their bodies back…however long that took. Hideyoshi prayed it didn’t take long.

They arrived at the banquet hall, Hideyoshi almost taking his usual seat before Mitsuhide was pushing him towards the “correct” seat. The Princess soon arrived and a bright smile came to her face as she saw them all gathered. “What’s this for?” She asked.

“A show of appreciation for all of the hard work you have been doing.” Nobunaga answered.

“I made all of your favorites, lass.” Masamune said. “Be sure to dig in.”

The banquet began and soon everyone was digging in. Though it didn’t take long for everyone to notice that Hideyoshi and Mitsuhide were not acting like themselves. They were all surprised when “Mitsuhide” ate his food as a normal person would instead of all mixed into one bowl… ”Hideyoshi” was mixing everything in one bowl.

This…has no flavor? Hideyoshi questioned in his mind as he ate as Mitsuhide. He…he really CAN’T taste?!

Mitsuhide however grimaced as he ate as he normally did. Now that he was in Hideyoshi’s body… he could taste. Now I understand why Hideyoshi and Masamune are always getting on me… this is terrible.

It was at this moment the pair realized that they were being watched by everyone else, their eyes wide. That was when they remembered they were supposed to be the other and acting as the other one did. They quickly swapped trays without a word.

“What is going on?” Nobunaga asked, as he looked at the pair.

“You two haven’t been acting like yourselves at all all day.” Ieyasu added. 

“I heard from the girls in town that Hideyoshi was especially cruel…and Mitsuhide was being nice.” Masamune added.

“And when I’ve talked to you…you both have seemed more like each other than yourselves.” The princess added.

Hideyoshi let out an awkward cough. “Well…uhm you see…”

“It appears we have somehow…switched bodies.” Mitsuhide finally spoke up.

Hideyoshi glared at him. “And how do you expect anyone to believe that?!” He asked.

“They can tell something is wrong.” Mitsuhide replied. 

The others were looking at them, hard. While it didn’t seem plausible…the proof was undeniable. “I would say this was an elaborate scheme by our resident kitsune…” Masamune began.

“But Hideyoshi would never go along with something like this.” Nobunaga declared. “That must mean it is true.”

“But HOW?” Ieyasu asked.

It was then that the princess gasped. “Oh my! This…this might be all my fault.”

“Are you a sorceress little mouse?” Mitsuhide asked.

“No…at least not that I know of. But last night…after seeing you two fighting AGAIN…I…I made a wish on a shooting star that you two could understand each other better… I had no idea that it could lead to THIS! I am so sorry!”

Hideyoshi was patting her on the head. “It’s alright. I don’t blame you.”

“No, you clearly blamed me.” Mitsuhide replied, grinning.

“If it was truly your wish that caused this, then perhaps another wish can fix it.” Nobunaga suggested.

“That would be a logical strategy.” Mitsunari agreed.

“I can try…but I don’t know if that will work.” The Princess replied.

“She did wish for them to understand each other.” Masamune agreed. “You twi might not go back to normal until you DO have a better understanding of each other.”

Ieyasu let out a sigh. “This is all utterly ridiculous…and such a pain in the ass.”

“I’ll go and see if I can make another wish to undo it.” The Princess declared jumping up and running to the veranda.

Mitsuhide and Hideyoshi looked at each other. They could only hope that another wish would correct it. There was no telling if they would ever be able to truly understand each other.

After a few moments the princess returned. “I hope it works.” She said.

Mitsuhide was patting her on the back. “There there little mouse.”

“Why exactly did you make that wish in the first place?” Hideyoshi asked.

The princess sighed. “Because I care about you both and I am tired of always seeing you guys fighting.” She answered. “Especially when you both actually have a lot in common. You’re both so kind…”

“I am not all that kind, little mouse.” Mitsuhide corrected her.

“Not openly, but you are in your own way.” She replied. “Hideyoshi’s kindness is open and warm like the sun. Yours is always hidden behind a veil of deceit to seem like you are only serving yourself, but you really DO care about others.”

Masamune was grinning. “Seems like the lass understands you both even if you don’t.”

Both Mitsuhide and Hideyoshi were blushing and looking away at the Princess’s words. Whatever would come…they both wanted to protect her and would treasure her and her pure heart.

[syneilesis]

The air is tense between you and Nobunaga. You and he sit across each other in the council hall, the other warlords watching with apprehension in the background. There's no sound except breathing—even the twittering of birds can pierce through the artful walls of this quiet council.

Finally, Nobunaga speaks.

"This cannot continue."

You agree with him, a first in the recently bitingly sharp hours. "Yes, it cannot."

"This is truly a regret, but it must be done."

"So be it. Divorce it is."

There's a collective gasp among the warlords, sans Nobunaga, who's just looking at you steadily.

"M-My lord...!" Hideyoshi said, shocked.

He is ignored. Instead, Nobunaga addresses you. "How shall we settle this?"

You think for a moment, remembering modern family settlements, then say, "We split custody of our children."

"Children?" Ieyasu pipes up grumpily behind you. "Do you think we're chil—ugh, nevermind. I don't know why I'm here." He rises from his seat in a display of being done with everything when a hand shoots up to grab his shoulder and shoves him back down. Ieyasu squawks.

Masamune grins, his hand firmly staying on Ieyasu's shoulder.

"Fine," Nobunaga says. Then surveys his warlords, deliberating. "Who shall remain with me?"

Naturally, to the surprise of no one, Hideyoshi jumps to Nobunaga's side. "I will remain loyal to you, Lord Nobunaga! It pains me to see you end your relationship with—" He casts you a sad glance. You blink back, unimpressed. "But I will always stand by your side, my lord!"

Nobunaga only nods, but that is enough for Hideyoshi.

"My, such a heartfelt confession," Mitsuhide says with that foxlike grin that unfailingly causes Hideyoshi's blood pressure to rise astronomically. "Do you believe that Lord Nobunaga will fall for your unending fidelity?"

"Mitsuhide, you—"

"Mitsuhide," pronounces Nobunaga, and the man in question straightens, which still indicates the level of respect he has to his lord. "I take it that you will stay with her."

When Mitsuhide sidles up to you, he's smirking with such glee that Hideyoshi calls him out on it.

"You traitor! You snake! You—" and then Hideyoshi unleashes crunchy words that blight Mitsuhide's reputation and lineage. Mitsuhide just relishes that calculated entertainment.

Of course, where Hideyoshi goes, so does Mitsunari, who spares you an apologetic look and a bow before going to Nobunaga's side. Ieyasu, at first, reluctantly trots in your direction, but one word from Nobunaga and he pivots grudgingly, standing on the other side, far from Mitsunari, grumbling all the while.

Ranmaru, by virtue of him being Nobunaga's page, is stuck standing between Hideyoshi and Mitsunari.

"Five against two? You're outnumbered," Masamune tells you and Mitsuhide, his eye gleaming. Then he takes a step towards you. "The lass knows how to keep things exciting. Sorry, Lord Nobunaga, but I'm with them."

Hideyoshi is now vibrating in what seems to be stress.

"Five against three?" Keiji chimes in, that sunny grin ever-present. "Make that four!"

"Why does this sound like we're teaming up for a fight," Ieyasu despairs.

"It's not evenly split," Mitsunari comments. Ieyasu casts him a baleful look.

"Then I'll make it even," a voice cuts in. Everyone looks around to find Kicho next to you. He's giving Nobunaga an elegantly defiant frown, but the rest are stunned and aghast to see him.

Then the Azuchi warlords (except Nobunaga) draw their swords and point them at him.

"Kicho!" Hideyoshi snarls, Ichigo Hitofuri glinting under the menacing light. "How the hell did you get here?!"

"I was once a vassal of Nobunaga," Kicho responds calmly. Then he turns to you, his gaze softening. "So I'm here to even the odds."

Everybody screams their dissent, even the ones under your custody.

Finally, Ieyasu snaps. "Why are you even divorcing?!" he shouts over all the barking. "What happened between you two?"

At the question, you look away guiltily. Nobunaga zeroes in on that action like a hawk.

"I have found," he begins with great severity and gravitas, and the rest of the warlords pause to listen to him, "that the number of konpeito in my stash has decreased by three. I did not eat them."

The council hall stills. Everybody lies frozen facing Nobunaga and his grave countenance. For a few seconds, it seems as if time has stopped.

And then everything breaks into chaos.

"'By three'?" you cry, indignant, "I only ate two—and I already said sorry but you weren't listening!"

"My lord—where did you get that stash?! Is that different from the ones I'm keeping from you?!"

"Hideyoshi, was it you who ate the other konpeito?"

"What—"

"My, my, Hideyoshi. Who's the traitor now?"

"Shut up, you—! Lord Nobunaga, it wasn't me who ate that one konpeito! I swear I'll find the culprit for you, my lord! But you have to give me that stash for safekeeping—"

"Hey, Kicho—where are you taking the lass—"

"Ugh," Ieyasu says amidst the din, "I'm done. I'm so done with all of you."

And then he leaves the hall, away from all the crazy people, for peace of his mind, never looking back.

The end.

[not-krys]

The Traveling Adventures of Mister Fox and Miss Mouse

Few days ago, I was playing a FMK style ask game with @lorei-writes. One of the choices was who I would take a six hour train journey with. And, after I had given the other two choices some thought, Mitsuhide got the train ride choice. After that, the image of traveling in the old American West with him sparked in my mind.

And I tried my best to steer myself away from thinking too much about that concept bc time and energy levels wouldn't allow to make something completely coherent and complex.

And yet here we are, still thinking about an Old West traveling story with Mitsuhide.

Might as well see where this thought leads us.

Warnings: raw, unedited writing. Haven't done a whole lot of research into the old American West so details are bound to be incorrect. Reader will be referred to with she/her pronouns and other feminine aligning terms (Miss, missy, etc).

My Masterlist!

---

No one has ever said that the life of a detective was ever a glamorous one, especially when a man needed to put food in his belly and a roof over his head. Mitsuhide Akechi was also no stranger to the odd job he didn't care for but needed the cash it provided.

This current job, well, it may have just taken an interesting detour.

Back east, a sleazy gentleman had come to him to find and return his runaway bride, an oil heiress whose family he managed to swindle her out of. He knew this type and, quite frankly, didn't want to take the job because of it, but with the threat of bankruptcy of his business over his head, he had no other choice.

Instead, he took the job of recovering this runaway heiress, finding her trail laughably easy to trace. A common trend of runaway brides had started when the government started offering handouts to whoever wanted to move out west to desert and mountain country, hoping to settle it more with American citizens. Women were especially needed as schoolteachers, so it was his first thought of where he could find his runaway heiress.

Luckily (or unluckily), his hunches were rarely wrong.

He soon found himself on a train bound westward, sitting a few booths down from a young woman with a deep purple bustle dress, her white collar high on her neck and her hat decorated with sprigs of lavender. She matched the description the sleazy gentleman had given him so perfectly, it almost tore his blackened heart that he had found the girl so quickly.

But, he didn't have the time or luxury of moral dilemmas when money was on the line.

He then saw the young woman being boxed in by two other gentlemen, likely either hired by the same sleazy gentleman that had hired him or opportunists seeing a woman alone and sought to take advantage of her. Either way, he wasn't about to have his quarry taken from under his nose, especially not by amateurs.

"Please," he heard her meek voice, trying to be brave in spite of her terror, "m-my husband will be back soon, so please leave."

A perfect opportunity, Mitsuhide thought, as he grabbed the untouched dinner from his table and walked towards them.

"I don't see no diamond ring there, missy," the scoundrel smirked, "you best not be lying to me about no husband-"

"Sorry I'm late, dear." Mitsuhide said, sliding the plate of food in front of her. "The cook was busy with all the orders, and I'm afraid the waiter said they just ran out of your favorite chardonnay."

The girl turned to him, her face still nervous, but glad that someone was helping her.

Her companions, however, were not as pleased.

"Who are you?"

"Why, I'm this wonderful woman's husband." He said cordially. "The meat hadn't been cooked to the way the lady liked it, so I went to get her a fresh one."

His voice dropped lower in the next beat.

"Now, may I ask what business you gentlemen have with my darling wife?"

His hand moved subtly to his belt, brushing back his white overcoat slightly to reveal the holster and pistol at his side. The holster, decorated with stitched bellflowers, gave a not so subtle hint of who he actually was.

The boys paled.

"J-just saying hello, sir."

"Y-yeah, just saying hi, sir. N-not looking for trouble or anything."

"Good," said Mitsuhide with a smirk, "I hope you enjoy the rest of the trip, gentlemen."

The boys moved away from the lady's booth, grumbling but knew when they had been beat. You sigh with relief.

"Thank you, for stepping in."

"No trouble at all, Miss Mouse." he tipped his hat. "They shouldn't be giving you any more problems."

"…'Miss Mouse?'"

"Sorry, just came to mind when I saw you trembling."

You turned your face away, cheeks turning a light pink.

"Is it really that obvious, how nervous I am?"

"A woman travelling alone rightfully has every reason to be fearful." He took the opportunity sit in the seat across from you, giving a small push to his plate of food towards you.

"But, that's your-"

"I lost my sense of taste years ago, Miss Mouse. Complex flavors that are in likely there are wasted on me."

"Still, you need to eat too, Mister…?"

He paused, weighing his options of using his real name or coming up with a fake one on the spot. You would likely figure it out once he seized the opportunity to take you back east regardless, but, luckily (or unluckily), you just giggled and finished your own sentence.

"Mr. Fox."

"Mr. Fox?"

"Yes, if you insist on calling me Miss Mouse, I feel you should be able to take your own medicine, correct?"

Mitsuhide chuckled.

"Very well. Miss Mouse, may I introduce myself as Mr. Fox, a westward-bound traveler seeking opportunity in the wide, wild world?"

You giggled again.

"You introduce yourself well, Mr. Fox. I'm an up and coming teacher moving to the West. The Oda company is hiring in California and with my grant, I'll be ready to start my new life soon!"

A bullet couldn't have hit his heart harder. She was giving him the usual excuse for why runaway brides run from bad marriages these days. His hunch was, unfortunately, becoming more and more correct.

"A teacher? That sounds exciting. All the way out here for a teaching job."

"Y-yes." You turned your face away, looking at the passing scenery. "The Oda company pays well. They're even giving me housing and everything."

"Sounds like you're all set for life, Miss Mouse."

"Yes, yes, I am." Your voice trails off, still paying more attention to the passing scenery.

Mitsuhide turns to look out the window as well, seeing the grassy greenery and pale blue skies passing at a leisurely speed.

[xxsycamore]

🍕 𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙈𝙤𝙤𝙣 𝙃𝙞𝙩𝙨 𝙔𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙀𝙮𝙚 𝙇𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝘼 𝘽𝙞𝙜 𝙋𝙞𝙯𝙯𝙖 𝙋𝙞𝙚,

► A story about Italian vampires, secret admirers, and pizza.

Galileo x MC • rating: G • wordcount: 1,863 • characters: mc, galileo, francis, leonardo, napoleon, comte, dazai • tags: Pizza; Secret admirer; Romance; Cliché; Feelings Realization; Crack treated seriously  • masterlist

a/n: I don't know. I don't know.

I blame the English Ikesen twitter for informing me it's international pizza day (in a very creative way), which led to me going "haha three italians in ikevamp" which made me remember one very bad movie full of pizza and cliché, which led to me coming up with this. I don't even like pizza that much.

Idk if I should label this as crack, but don't take it seriously either way.

MC and Galileo's first encounter described in this fic is canon and you can read a translation of it here - many thanks to @cirillafionariannon

I wanted to try my hand at writing for our new two vamps, and this could also be an early Valentine's Day fic! Hope you enjoy!

Fun statistics!: the word pizza appears 33 times in this fic.

Leonardo was in Comte's room, lounging around with a drink and listening about his friend's most recent trip to the 21st century. While Leonardo was a man with passion for knowledge, not everything that Comte talked in great detail about was to Leonardo's interest. Mind trailing off in random directions while supposedly continuing to be a good listener, he suddenly feels the need to interrupt his friend.

Waving a hand in the air and looking over the Gucci shades that Comte actually bought for himself, he motions a pause.

"Forget about that, tell me if they made an International Pizza Day in the future yet."

"…Why, there actually is a day like that. It's the 9th of February, if I remember right."

***

With a little over a week remaining until Pizza Day, or Just Another Thursday as 19th century Parisians know it, Leonardo mobilizes the mansion into preparing something grandiose for the occasion.

"We're going to feed the whole of Paris with pizza."

MC blinks in apparent bewilderment. With the amount of crazy stuff happening around the mansion already, one would think that feeding the whole of Paris with pizza would find its place low in her list.

They're all gathered in the kitchen as if it's some kind of conference hall, with Leonardo using a blackboard to illustrate his schemes. So far he's drawn just one giant pizza taking all of the blackboard. He taps the chalk against the board.

"Think of it as a charity. While everyone would be free to help as well as consume, we'll prioritize those who are in need."

Dazai raises a hand. "Let me guess, you always wanted to invent a giant stove and this is your mastermind plan."

Leonardo enthusiastically points at Dazai with the chalk in his hand, "Esatto! But not exactly a stove. While fixing various gadgets for people in town, I had this idea of making a massive hot plate," he draws an oval under the oval supposed to be pizza, "which is a metal plate heated by charcoal underneath. Some of you will help me assemble it, others will get the word around town. And for those who are incompetent with cooking pizza…"

"I can give out a lesson or two." Napoleon says, with a raised hand. "I love the idea. I have volunteered in food banks a couple of times already around town. I'd be glad to help."

"Heh, Napoleon, knew you had that Italian blood still running hot in you. Alright then, it's settled."

***

MC is in her bed, staring a hole through the wall. Eating in bed is something she rarely indulges in, moreso if it's pizza, but she can't help it. As she chews with eyes squinted in deep concentration, she tries and tries to make just any connection between recent events and the possible reason behind all of this.

Just a couple of days ago, some white haired guy with a half-up hairstyle started coming to the mansion.

"Pizza delivery! Miss, that's for you. You don't owe anything. Enjoy! Bye!"

Wait, pizza delivery in the 19th century? It was strange the first time, and it's still strange the tenth time it happened. Some of the residents advised she don't eat it, but in the course of events (and hunger) she found out that's some damn good pizza. The best she had ever since she came here. And it was addressed to her. Is this a secret admirer situation?! Very strange.

Of course she suspected Leonardo. With his pizza hype recently it only made sense, but also that would be too easy. Placing the box on the nightstand, she sighs and goes over the possible leads in her head one more time.

***

The next day she takes Napoleon's pizza cooking class and conveniently stays behind until everyone else leaves the kitchen - namely Vincent, Mozart, and Jean. Napoleon takes the bait and praises her efforts at perfecting her pizza-cooking skills, being more than willing to give her some extra lessons.

Then they have clichéd and intimate dough kneading moment where he stands behind her and guides her hands; she pokes her nose into some private topics as carefully as she could, taking the conversation in the direction of love and cooking a meal full of love. Still, nothing she samples for the sake of learning tastes nearly the same as that same pizza delivered to the mansion's door every night.

***

Looking out of the window up at the moon that is nearly full, MC can't help but remember about a recent encounter with a strange man. It happened when she had to deliver some Blanc to Isaac who was working late at the university. In one classroom there was a white haired man with beautiful purple eyes looking through an old-fashioned telescope. There was something intriguing about him; about the shooting star they saw together, the timing, his comment about "still looking at the stars even in this day and age". The name he introduced himself with. All of it, full of mystery.

And yet the biggest mystery of her life currently revolves around pizza.

***

The man with white half-up hair approaches the merchant brig ship has recently docked at the Seine. Night has long fallen but the light inside is unmistakable; of course it's his friend baking pizza again. On his ship, nonetheless.

"Again, Galileo? That's the sixth time this week. I'm not going out this time. And please be careful not to burn down the ship, okay?"

The other whitehaired man doesn't as much as acknowledge the other's presence, too absorbed in his craft. The parmesan falls from between his fingers like a snowstorm over a tomato-red sea; in the next second he's at the cutting board; going left and right like a madman. Or like someone inlove.

The other sighs.

"I'm hearing something about a pizza charity in town. Basically everyone's gonna cook a giant pizza together and then give pieces away. Sounds like your thing, eh?"

Galileo's eyes dart towards his friend for a mere second, his hands never pausing.

"Where are you taking all my pizzas to, anyway? And I'm not participating."

"As you wish."

He exits the kitchen, opting for the company of the moon outside instead. The gentle lull of the waves make him crave a nap ever if it's technically close to his sleeping time. He notices the telescope nearby, unused by his friend in some time, which is awfully unusual of him.

"Man, this stress-cooking is going to ruin him."

***

The day finally arrives. The masses are buzzing around the square where Leonardo shows his invention that aims to leave everyone with a stomach full of delicious pizza, so long as there are enough hands to help. And they are. Soon the place gets overcrowded, the air smells like heaven, and the chilly February day gets as hot as a midsummer one.

All MC can think about is her secret admirer. With all the pizza being passed around and under her nose, she swears she's not crazy when she claims she didn't catch a whiff of That One Pizza. Will the whitehaired man be here today? Is it him, after all, stating that all he does is deliver it to her door, yet lying? No, there was no trace of such feelings in his demeanor; not the thrill of seeing her, nor the hope of learning something more about her in those short encounters. He was merely a proxy. But whose?

Defeated, the reason why the smile hasn't already left her face is solely the fact that she saw a lot of happy people today. Pizza really does bring people together; Leonardo was right all along. He was excellent at what he did, but he did it only with the people in mind; not a lover, much less her. She liked helping him today. And Napoleon too, who thankfully didn't think anything about her strange behavior the other day.

***

With the sound of street musicians who joined the celebration drifting in the distance, MC walks along the Seine, admiring the moonlight dancing on the surface. The noise and the hustle had gotten to her, so this little walk was welcomed, and it matched the feeling in her heart. The emptiness wasn't only there, though.

"Haha… I made so much pizza yet it seems like I didn't eat anything all day."

"I can see that. The growling of this belly of yours could be heard all the way here."

Eyes widening at the sound of that voice, she looks at the direction of a docked ship. The man exiting it seemed familiar, along with the voice, and it took just a couple of seconds to remember.

"Ahh, you're the…"

"The man with the telescope. I didn't think we'd meet again."

Right, this is the man who introduced himself as Galileo. The silence was awkward, his earlier comment not helping much, but she still felt good about seeing a familiar face. Though, they're barely more than strangers. Or maybe after having their second encounter, they're not strangers anymore?

MC stares at the fullmoon high in the sky, and surprisingly, so does Galileo. She giggles and breaks the silence.

"It's like a big pizza pie."

That's the single most absurd thing Galileo Galilei has ever heard in his life, being a person who devoted himself to astrology.

He scuffs at her remark, too taken aback to even say anything that won't ridicule her. He decides to spare her.

"So? Are you hungry? I've got some pizza on the ship."

Ah, pizza again.

"Sounds great."

Hoping for a distraction, she followed him on the ship. If anything, with all the pizza flavors she tasted recently, her palate would hopefully forget about the one that her secret admirer makes for her. What a silly story. She's sure it all ends tonight, the person likely pranking the whole of Comte's mansion in relation to the whole pizza cooking event or something.

"What a yummy smell. I must be really hungry. Did you make this yourself, Galileo?"

The man visibly tenses a little, possibly at the fact that she remembers his name. He should've given her a different one, after all.

"Yes."

MC bites into the piece, mind elsewhere. She wonders if she'll be sick of pizza ever since today.

Wait.

The flavors clash in her receptors and realization hits all at once; she looks at Galileo.

This taste!

"It's you."

The man with the beautiful purple eyes hums at her, without a clue what she is talking about. He hasn't shared his pizza recipe with everyone other than Francis, the look of recognition on MC's face not making sense to him.

He would soon come to know; but not tonight.

With the assurance that she must be mistaking him for someone else; and with the need to help her get home due to the late hour, their second encounter soon comes to an end.

And for Galileo, who barely kept his composure in the face of the one he strangely fell hopelessly inlove with, he swears he'll make sure this time it truly would be their last.

Unless the stars have other plans for him.

Taglist: @arsnovacadenza @ale-teodora @kimi00twin @otomelady @privilegedpancake @g-kleran   @pumpumnnnp @thesirenwashere @ravenarld @kimmy-banana @devonares @animeworldsposts @randomanimatedhusbandoseeker @galaxyprison @sadshaxk @starshards26 @pro-cat-stination @acethephoenix256 @ikevamp-shrine-2 @nad-zeta @crystal13unny @keen19thcenturygoatsstudent @lordsister @ikemen-banshou  @themysticalbeing @canaria-blackwell @otome-scribbles @rhodolitesrose @coornn @kpop-and-otome @queen-dahlia @kisara-16 @chaosangel767 @ikemenlibrary @queengiuliettafirstlady @aurora-morning @aquagirl1978 ​ @ikemenlover24 @violettduchess @mcofthemansion @tiny-wooden-robot @joy-the-reader @katriniac @ikemen-writer @tele86 Let me know if you want to be tagged/untagged!

[nightghoul381]

For the fic writer game: 🍣 🥮 🍚

🍣 What helps you focus or get in the mood to write:

That’s my secret, I’m always in the mood to write (or draw), usually just try to write a little bit whenever I get the chance. I have learned to type one handed pretty well since my baby is usually on my other arm. I don’t do anything special unless I want to really get into the headspace of a character, then I’ll re-read some event stories. Sometimes I’ll put some random TV show on in the background and just go to town, but it’s rare that I get a chance to sit down and type it all out like I prefer to

🥮 Do you have any writing milestones you’re working toward?

I would really like to write something for every suitor in both Ikepri and Ikevil and I recently started reading Ikevamp and Ikesen so hopefully I’ll get to know those characters well enough to write them too!

🍚 What genre do you have the toughest time writing?

I don’t think I really have too hard of a time writing any genre in particular, maybe crack fics if those count as a genre :p Otherwise I just tend to write based on my mood, so if I have fluffy requests or ideas, I try to write those on days I’m feeling happier etc.

[tsundere-mitsuhide]

Seven Minutes in Heaven

A short cracky drabble inspired by the results of this post. No cut this time cause Tumblr is being a butthead. Thankfully this isn't too long, so it shouldn't take up too much of your dash. (Edit: now under the cut!)

Also available on AO3. This is spicy, but it's not sin, as all of the spicy content is both inferred and extremely vague. Not to mention fake.

The week-long beach vacation she had planned for everyone was not off to a great start. The power had gone out in the main house, and Tazuki realized she needed a way to entertain six restless warlords. The other five out in the guest house would be ok on their own; she had made sure to show them a safe place for them to spar in and work off excess steam. The others though, she would need to think of something to keep them busy.

Her solution was to teach them some old games that were popular with teenagers. She started, with Spin the Bottle mixed with Seven Minutes in Heaven.

She sat them all down on the bedroom floor and explained it as simply as she could. “You spin this bottle, and the person who spun it and the person it lands on, go into that closet”--she points--” over there for seven minutes. They can do whatever they want while they are in there. Talk, kiss, stare at each other, whatever. But they only have seven minutes! Push this button”--she demonstrated on the little kitchen timer she had placed in the middle of the circle next to the empty sake bottle--“to start the timer; I already set it for the right amount of time. No opening the door before then, ok?” She looked around at the warlords seated before her to make sure they understood. “Alright then, who wants to go first?”

Mitsunari and Ieyasu were the first to end up in the closet together. Ieyasu very nearly refused altogether until he realized he might as well just get it over with sooner rather than later. Mitsunari happily babbled to him the whole time, and everyone else heard snippets of “Isn’t this great, Ieyasu-sama?”, and “I can’t believe we got to sit in here together.” Tazuki thought for a minute that being stuck with Mitsunari would be very much like being stuck in the closet with Sasuke; only Sasuke would be too much in awe of his idol that he would likely be much quieter. Oops, maybe I should have included the others in this game as well. I’ll have to make it up to Sasuke later.

Next in the closet was Masamune and Ieyasu, who was very upset at being selected twice in a row. Masamune spent the entire time trying to rile the poor little tsun-lord. There was even a kissy sound followed quickly by a loud slap and a very low and grumpy “Masamune, stop it.” It only made him laugh. When the timer went off, Ieyasu left the closet in a huff to sit down and pointedly ignore everyone.

When it was Tazuki’s turn, she spun the bottle so fast, that everyone was a little transfixed on watching it. It wobbled, and Nobunaga bumped it to keep it spinning for an extra wobble or two. Everyone looked up to see who the bottle had landed on and they were met with two gleaming yellow eyes and the face of a kitsune. Tazuki chuckled because she couldn’t tell if Nobunaga had done that on purpose or not. She got up and grabbed Mitsuhide’s hand as he stood up, and led him to the closet.

She closed the door behind them, blocking out any of the ambient light from the room itself. All she could see were his glowing yellow eyes as he stared at her in silence. After a few long seconds, she smiled at him and whispered, “We have to do something to mess with them. And I have just the plan.” She leaned in to speak in his ear, to be sure no one would be able to hear. When she finished and pulled away from him, he looked deep into her eyes before saying, “You are wicked, brilliant, and... I love you a little more each time you come up with such a cunning plan.” He closed the distance between them, kissed her, and picked her up as she wrapped her legs around him.

The other warlords outside in the room began to hear bangs and moans coming from inside the closet, punctuated by the occasional grunt. Most of them stared dumbfounded in the direction of the sounds for an instant. Nobunaga and Masamune both grinned ferally and fixed their attention on the small, dark space that the two kitsunes had vanished into. Ieyasu rolled his eyes so hard they clacked around in his head and then stared fixedly at the timer as it slowly ticked down. Hideyoshi, blushing profusely, reached over and grabbed Mitsunari to cover his ears, protecting his innocent vassal from being subjected to the lewd sounds emanating from the closet.

When the timer beeped, there was a light thump as Tazuki was returned to her feet, before the door to the closet opened. Both Tazuki and Mitsuhide made a slow show of straightening out their clothes. Making eye contact before they rejoined the others, Tazuki whispered to Mitsuhide, “Next, time, let’s do that for real.”

And Mitsuhide fell a little more in love with this crazy woman, for the second time that day.

[the12thnightproject]

The Kitsune Detective (a.k.a. A Dramatic Pawse, part 3)

Requested by: @bestbryn

Characters: Mitsuhide, Masamune, Keiji, Mitsunari, with appearances from Ieyasu and Mai

Prompts: This is why we can't have nice things." and "Accidental Confession"

Word count: 2100

Part 1: A Dramatic Pawse - here

Part 2: The Silence of the Maids - here

“Lord Mitsuhide?” It was half a greeting and half a question.

Mitsuhide looked up from Kyubei’s reconnaissance report to see Mitsunari standing in front of him. He’d heard the younger man come in of course, but with Mitsunari, there was always the possibility that he’d walked into the wrong building, and upon realizing it, would turn around and walk out again. And, given the way Mitsunari had greeted him, he supposed there was also the possibility (albeit a faint one) that Mitsunari had forgotten who he was. “Dear me, there must have been some kurfluffle for you to come to me this early in the day. Whatever can it be?”

“It’s Lord Hideyoshi. I… believe he is unwell.” Mitsunari looked down at the floor for a moment, as if trying to choose his words carefully. “I wonder if he was injured yesterday when Shogetsu knocked him over.”

“As I happened to have been a witness to the incident, I can say without a doubt that he was not injured.” Embarrassed, certainly. Angry, probably. But not physically injured. The whole situation had been highly amusing, and Mitsuhide planned to tease Hideyoshi whenever Nobunaga’s right-hand man got too overbearing (otherwise known as, ‘daily’).  “What makes you believe he is ill?”

If Hideyoshi truly was ill, then of course Mitsuhide would do whatever he could to make the man’s life easier. If he needed a healer, Mitsuhide would locate the most skilled practitioner. If he needed rest, Mitsuhide would tie him to his futon.

Hopefully, Hideyoshi merely needed rest.

“It started with the vase. The one that the maids found in pieces the other day. Lord Hideyoshi sighed, and said, ‘this is why we can’t have nice things,’ and when he found out that no one admitted to breaking it, he simply, well, drooped.’” Mitsunari looked like he was attempting to act out Hideyoshi’s drooping posture… which… the less said about, the better (see illustration below). “This morning he didn’t appear to be listening to my reports. He was staring… into the air.”

Hm. Perhaps if he could discover who broke the vase, and convince them to confess directly to Hideyoshi, that would make the difference. Besides, convincing someone to confess to the crime might be a fun way to spend the morning. With the exception of the tiger incident yesterday, things had been rather dull of late.

And with this, “The Case of the Shattered Vase” was opened…

Evidence File #1: The Medic

“Stop right there! Do not let that man into this room.” Arms splayed outward, Ieyasu attempted to prevent Mitsuhide and Mitsunari from entering his workroom. “What do you want anyway?”

“Such virulence. I’ve come on a fact-finding mission.” Truth be told, Mitsuhide would have found it easier to investigate on his own, but Mitsunari had been eager to help. Mitsuhide had assigned him the task of taking notes, which, actually would help, as it freed him up to observe each suspect’s behavior.

“You want facts? I’ll give you facts. That idiot,” Ieyasu pointed to Mitsunari, “set himself on fire last time he was in this room.”

Mitsunari looked up from his note taking and flashed a brilliant smile at Ieyasu. “Thank you for putting out the fire Lord Ieyasu. It was kind of you to prevent me from suffering injury.”

“While that is certainly edifying,” and in no way a surprise, “that is not the sort of information I seek. You wouldn’t happen to have any knowledge about a broken vase, would you?” Mitsuhide fixed his keen gaze on Ieyasu, alert to any physical cues of a guilty conscience.

“Hmph. Ask Masamune. I spent half of yesterday afternoon digging a shard of pottery out of the tiger’s paw.” With that, Ieyasu turned his back on both of them, in a curt and firm dismissal.

Evidence File #2: The One-Eyed Dragon and the Limping Tiger

‘The Mitsu’s’ met with a much friendlier reception at Masamune’s manor, where they were invited to sit down to breakfast. “It’s a bit late, but I bet neither of you remembered to eat this morning.”

“As a matter of fact, I did eat breakfast.” Technically, Mitsuhide had broken his fast with the remainder of last night’s evening meal, which had been the remainder of the previous morning meal, but it had been perfectly fine.

“Thank you, Lord Masamune, but I have eaten breakfast.” Mitsunari suddenly frowned. “Though now that I think back on it, it might have been yesterday, because I was reading ‘The Art of War’ at the time, and that was yesterday’s book. This morning I was reading an account of the Battle of Kizaki.”

Masamune pointed to his table. “Sit. I’ll be right back.” He strode off in the direction of his kitchen.

Although he wasn’t at all hungry, Mitsuhide sat, and gestured for Mitsunari to do so as well. Masamune was more likely to give honest and unfiltered responses if he was half-distracted with feeding them.

In moments, Masamune returned with bowls of stewed vegetables on rice. “It was still on the fire, so it ought to be piping hot.”

While Mitsunari began spelunking for wayward carrots in his dish, Mitsuhide opened the questioning. “How is Shogetsu’s injury? Is his paw healing?”

“Ah well, he’s still limping a bit, but he seemed eager enough to run outside this morning, so the lad should be healed up fairly soon.” Masamune joined them at the table, keeping both company as he ate a second breakfast.

“Poor creature. What happened to him? Was he attacked?” Mitsuhide kept his question casual, then winced when Mitsunari looked astounded.

“Lord Mitsuhide, do you not remember? Ieyasu said he spent half of yesterday afternoon digging a shard of pottery out of the tiger’s paw.”

Half the time Mitsunari couldn’t remember to put on his sandals, and yet he could recall conversations word for word. Mitsuhide waved the comment away. “Oh dear me yes, he did say that. Masamune, do you think it’s possible that Shogetsu broke Hideyoshi’s vase?”

“Kitsune, if you wanted to know that, you could simply have asked me, instead of putting us all through this charade.” Masamune’s growl could have come from the tiger itself. “No, it’s not possible. Shogetsu injured himself on a piece of the already broken vase, because the injury happened the night before last, and the vase was broken the day before that… and you can talk to Mai, to verify this.”

Evidence File #3: The Chatelaine’s Story

“Hello Mouse. Quite industrious even at this early hour.” Mitsuhide and his not-quite-helpful assistant had found Mai in her sewing room just as she was wrapping a garment in paper. He bowed over her hand. “Such small hand, but capable of beautiful work.”

“I wanted to get this haori back to the customer as soon as possible. He’s throwing a banquet to celebrate his latest grandson. Oh, wait!” With a little shriek, she grabbed the temari ball she used as a pin cushion out of the way before Mitsunari sat on it. “Are you here to order a new kimono, or just to tease me?”

“Sadly neither, although should you be interested in a good teasing, you have only to ask, and I will be thrilled to oblige. After all, you turn such a delicious shade of pink that it’s the highlight of my day.” He grinned as Mai instantly did indeed turn pink. “I have a simple question for you in your chatelaine role.”

“Go on.” She wrapped some twine around the paper, tying the package securely.

“Do you know when that big vase – the one that used to be on the pedestal outside the council room got broken?” Realistically, he ought to have come here first, but Ieyasu’s manor had been on the way.

“Exact time? No.” She muttered something Mitsuhide didn’t catch about her cell phone battery (whatever that was) dying. “One of the maids found it that way two mornings ago.”

“So not yesterday, but the morning before that.” Mitsuhide rubbed his chin. This at least cleared Shogetsu of the crime. “Was anyone else around who could confirm the maid’s report?”

Mai lifted her chin. “My maids do not lie, but if you cannot take her word for it, talk to Keiji. He was out early that morning throwing spears.”

“Was he now?” Mitsuhide gestured for Mitsunari to follow him. “Thank you very much, little one, you’ve been very helpful.”

“Wait… Mitsuhide, you don’t think that Keiji…? Oh. FUDGE!” Mai handed off the wrapped package to one of the other seamstresses, “Hana, can you please deliver this for me,” and ran after them.

Evidence File #4: The Wild Child

“No! I refuse to let you railroad him into prison!” Mai planted herself in front of a mystified Keiji and glared at Mitsuhide. “Mitsunari, how could you be part of this… this… ooh! This farce?”

“Hideyoshi is sad.” Mitsunari looked at Keiji, then looked to where a cluster of thrown spears had landed perfectly within centimeters of each other. “That said, I do not believe that Keiji is the one who broke the vase. His spear throwing is highly accurate, and as you can see, he is throwing in the opposite direction from the castle.”

“That’s right.” Keiji bowed theatrically to them all. “For I am I, the wild child of these war-torn islands, he whose name is sung far and wide, the roguish misfit. And also, he who can fling a spear at forty paces out.”

He turned and proceeded to demonstrate his ability, sending three spears, one after another, with arrow like precision, to join the cluster.

“Holy cats.” Mai fanned herself as she eyed Keiji’s arms. “Look at those guns.”

“Mai. Those weapons are spears, not rifles.” Mitsunari looked at her in concern. “Are you becoming ill too? Your face is very red.”

None of this was important. Mitsuhide stood his ground, silently, patiently until all three became uncomfortable under his stare and quieted down. “My my. I do not recall, to use your word, flinging accusations about, not even regarding the accuracy of Keiji’s throws. All I wish to ascertain, Keiji, is whether you saw anyone else.”

“I saw no other person.” Keiji picked up another spear and twirled it expertly. “I have no idea what happened to the damned vase, but whoever broke it, did everyone a favor. It was the ugliest thing I have ever seen, and I’ve seen a lot of ugly.”

Evidence File #5: The Absentminded Strategist

Having decided not to take Mai’s word on the honesty of the maids, Mitsuhide and Mitsunari spent the rest of the afternoon questioning them. Mai, in turn, spent the afternoon loudly defending each maid, and glaring at him. Mitsuhide didn’t have the heart to tell her that she looked about as menacing as a dandelion. Unfortunately, the only thing Mitsuhide learned from that experience was that the presence of Mitsunari made each and every maid sink into a whirlpool of blushes and giggles.

“This has been very educational, thank you, Lord Mitsuhide.” Mitsunari said to him as they toured the scene of the crime. “Who do we talk to next?”

“For the sake of completeness, the next logical step would be to question Nobunaga.” Mitsuhide thought it highly unlikely that the man would break his own vase and neglect to tell Hideyoshi about it, but stranger things had happened.

“Oh please.” Mai rolled her eyes. “I was with him the entire night before the vase broke. He couldn’t possibly have done it.” Then she slapped her hand over her mouth, as if appalled to have discussed her amorous life in public. Perhaps she had forgotten that as thin as the walls were in the castle, everyone in the building… and in nearby buildings… was already well acquainted with her amorous life.

“Are you certain, Lady Mai?” Oddly, it was Mitsunari who asked the question. “I saw him the morning before yesterday.”

“You did?” A certain theory began to form in Mitsuhide’s mind. “Where were you?”

“Right here, in fact.” Mitsunari smiled at both of them. “I was reading The Art of War, and I accidentally walked right into him as he stood there.” He gestured toward the pedestal… in fact the pedestal that until the morning before yesterday, had displayed one very ugly vase. “I apologized… but he didn’t answer.”

Mai and Mitsuhide looked at each other. Then at Mitsunari. Then back at each other. They both sighed.

Mitsunari frowned as if a new idea had suddenly occurred to him. “Do you think… do you think he considered that a grievous insult and that is why he didn’t answer me?”

… and thus, with this accidental confession, the Case of the Shattered Vase concludes.

Coda: Upon hearing the explanation, Hideyoshi cheered up.

[lordsisterxotome]

𝓜𝓲𝓷𝓸𝓻𝓼 𝓓𝓝𝓘 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓪𝓷𝔂 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓷𝓼𝓯𝔀 𝔀𝓸𝓻𝓴𝓼 𝓸𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓶𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽!

Key - (f) fluff, (a) angst, (c) crack, (s) smut

𝓝𝓸𝓫𝓾𝓷𝓪𝓰𝓪 𝓞𝓭𝓪 ❃ ❀ ✿ ❁ ✾ ※ ✤ ✥ ❖ ❃ ❀

Oneshots:

→ Three Months Waiting (a)(f)

       ↳ spoilers for Nobunaga’s dramatic route | Nobunaga’s perspective on the   MC’s three month disappearance

→ Method of Teasing (c)

       ↳ pure crack when MC gets it in her head to establish dominance using...”unconventional” means

→ The Transit of Venus (s)🔞

       ↳ prompts: eclipse, hide n’ seek, scavenger hunt, shooting stars | established relationship | p w/o p

→ The Cries of Lovers (s)🔞

       ↳ prompts: ghosts, full moon, ghost stories | established relationship | light angst | pwp

→ Until Next Time (a)

       ↳ prompt #1: “Why do you write? he asked. So I can take my love for you and give it to the world, I reply. Because you won’t take it from me.” | prompt #2: “I didn’t think you were the type to lose your sanity for a girl.” “I didn’t either.”

→ What He’d Never Lose (a)(f)(s)🔞

       ↳ prompts: jealous Nobunaga, making up after a fight

𝓜𝓪𝓼𝓪𝓶𝓾𝓷𝓮 𝓓𝓪𝓽𝓮 ❃ ❀ ✿ ❁ ✾ ※ ✤ ✥ ❖ ❃

Oneshots:

→ One Year Waiting (a)(f)

       ↳ spoilers for Masamune’s dramatic route | Masamune’s perspective on the MC’s year long disappearance

𝓘𝓮𝔂𝓪𝓼𝓾 𝓣𝓸𝓴𝓾𝓰𝓪𝔀𝓪 ❃ ❀ ✿ ❁ ✾ ※ ✤ ✥ ❖

Oneshots:

→ Method of Teasing (c)

       ↳ pure crack when MC gets it in her head to establish dominance using...”unconventional” means

𝓚𝓮𝓷𝓼𝓱𝓲𝓷 𝓤𝓮𝓼𝓾𝓰𝓲 ❃ ❀ ✿ ❁ ✾ ※ ✤ ✥ ❖ ❃ ❀

Oneshots:

→ Melt in My Arms (s)🔞

       ↳ prompts: fireworks, summer festival, heat, melting | established relationship | pwp

→ Fervor (s)🔞

       ↳ prompt: sweaty | established relationship | pwp

→ For Now (f)(a)

       ↳ prompts: a secret love affair, stealing a heart | letter fic

𝓢𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓮𝓷 𝓣𝓪𝓴𝓮𝓭𝓪 ❃ ❀ ✿ ❁ ✾ ※ ✤ ✥ ❖ ❃

Oneshots:

→ A Warm Rain (a)(f)

       ↳ prompt: rain | angst w/ a happy ending | domestic fluff

𝓜𝓸𝓽𝓸𝓷𝓪𝓻𝓲 𝓜𝓸𝓻𝓲 ❃ ❀ ✿ ❁ ✾ ※ ✤ ✥ ❖ ❃ ❀

Oneshots:

→ Method of Teasing (c)

       ↳ pure crack when MC gets it in her head to establish dominance using...”unconventional” means

[ikemenfics]

Chocolate Kisses

Kennyo: You’re going to hell, you know that right?

Me: ...hashtag worthit

2521 written pieces of evidence that I shouldn’t be writing. later...

For: uh....Kennyo.  @daeva-agas​ Help me.

Up in the mountains, shrouded by trees, a lone figure sat atop a rock, meditating.  His features were deep set with the pains of a man who had seen painful years.  A deep scar bisected his face, a lone witness to the tragedies that had befallen him.  

Though his eyes were closed and there was no sound, he felt something shift.  Like those instincts animals have before an earthquake.  He had prepared for this moment.  Reports of strange happenings in both Azuchi and Kasugayama had put him on high alert, though he wasn’t quite sure what to expect.  Opening his eyes, Kennyo watched as a blade pierced his reality, slicing a clean line through the air, as if ripping through an invisible screen.

A figure stepped out.  He was clearly not Japanese.  His features reminded Kennyo of the traders seen around Nobunaga’s ilk, but his clothing marked him as being not one of the Portuguese.  Kennyo had seen few of the foreigners who had recently taken to Japan, but he knew none wore such blinding fabrics.  There was an air of elegance from the man, from his flashy clothing to his poised stance.  Clearly, this was a man of rich living and rigorous training.

“Greetings,” the man said, bowing with a flourish, sheathing his rapier in a fluid motion that bespoke a lifetime of practice, “My name is Edgar and I have been commanded to give you this.”  With a sweep of his arm, Edgar produced an item, tossing it to Kennyo.  Instinct bade Kennyo catch the bag, though he did not give it any further attention.

“Why?  The Devil King now sending foreigners to do his dirty deeds?”  Midnight eyes met with emerald in challenge.  He didn’t get up, but Kennyo eyed the newcomer, assessing what fight this Edgar might bring.

“Devil King?”  Edgar grinned, an expression that left a cold spot in Kennyo’s soul.  The man’s eyes sparkled with amusement, to be sure and his face looked the part of a jovial man.  But something…deep in those glittering depths, that smile took an edge that recognized that title not of a separate man…but the kind of recognition that only comes with ownership.  This one clearly thought he be the devil of this world.  “My good man, I am not here to commit a ‘dirty deed’,” even the way that was worded made Kennyo well aware that this man was well versed in deeds.  “I merely come to bring you joy to spread on this day.  For today must be quite special, indeed.”

“And if I do not desire this…joy of yours?”

“That is not my jurisdiction.  I simply was sent to deliver.  And now, I bid you good day.”

The figure in white stepped back into the void he’d created and unsheathed his sword, using the thin tip, resealing the world from the bottom up.

Kennyo finally looked down at the thing the strange figure had tossed to him.  The pouch itself was clear, shiny oddly shaped pieces of silver something inside.  There were odd markings on the bag itself and it crinkled as Kennyo moved it about in his examination.

“Joy…” he muttered, dropping the item, “Such a thing does not suit a demon such as myself.”  After a moment’s hesitation, he plucked the thing from the ground, opting to carry it versus littering the pristine environment that was kind enough to hide him and his men during these war-torn times.  Another moment, he inhaled, moving to finish his morning’s meditation.  After all, he had new things to think about now.

Meanwhile, a group of figures sat at a table, sharing in a game of cards.  Edgar entered, leaning down towards one of the figures.  “Apologies…”

The figure nodded and stood, grabbing his scarlet cloak as he did.  “Don’t tell the doctor,” the man said, placing a cap upon his head before leaving.

“Are you sure you got this, old friend?”

“That is none of your concern.”

His eyes were still closed, but yet again, there was that feeling.  Like almost nausea, but from outside his body, however that was supposed to work.  Kennyo opened his eyes again, but rather than a slicing into the world, there was a flash and Kennyo found himself staring into ruby orbs that, to Kennyo’s amazement, shifted into a deep blue.  (Another demon…).  If Edgar was flashy, this one was just simply gaudy.  Same blinding white uniform, but now a flash of scarlet that Kennyo could still see even when he blinked.  

“I was not aware I needed more joy…” Kennyo muttered.

“You were told to spread joy,” the man said, his voice cold as ice and as distant as the moon, “to refuse the King of Hearts will lead to ruin.”

“I am already ruined.  I am simply a transient demon here to enact retribution before I fade away.”

Azure flashed to crimson again, “So be it.”  The world became so bright, Kennyo had to block his eyes, fearing they would burn away…

Back at the card game, the caped figure returned, dressing down to resume in the game. 

“You look tired..” a concerned voice

“That one is stubborn.”

That moment, two more heads perked, listening to unheard orders.  They stood, one plucking a black hat from the table. 

“It seems more reinforcements are needed.”  One said, nodding to the other.

“An unknown difficulty has arisen.  Let’s not be late.”

In Kasugayama, Shingen sat, the cold air tightening his chest.  It was a relief from his never-ending battle with his inner temperature, but the chill air was not kind to his lungs.  Still, it was nice to finally not feel uncomfortable inside his clothing, though any excuse to be natural with a partner was never unwelcome.

There was a strange glimmer in his view, then the appearance of a pale man.  Shingen examined him.  Pale was an appropriate descriptor, as this person made Kenshin’s icy appearance seem vibrant.  Even the man’s hair was pale as moonlight.  Shingnen stayed put, sudden understanding dawning on him.

“If you take our weapons again, be advised there’s apparently backups now,” he stated.

The man chuckled, his pink eyes dancing with amusement, “Then I’m quite glad I won’t be needing to take them.” 

Shingen laughed as well, “I must ask what brings you by, then.  Not that I mind company.”

“Oh?”  The man smiled, giving the warlord a look, “Though, sadly, there isn’t enough time for genial company.  I bear news that you might be interested in hearing…”

Across a distance in Azuchi, you were walking the halls when the world warped.  (OH NO!  NOT AGAIN!) You backpedaled, having little to no intention of repeating the incident featuring six hot guys and one almost faint you again.

“Ah, ah, ah, don’t be so quick to run,” a voice said, a hand grabbing the back of your kimono.  Another hand reached, tearing a swift opening in reality, “I’m just an innocent, harmless person with a message for you, dear lady!”  He stepped into the world, flicking aqua hair over his shoulder, before clapping.  “But oh my, your robe!  It is quite decorative.  I think I would like one when I return to cradle.  Though,” he looked almost aghast, “should you be wearing it out here?  In this weather?”

“It’s ah…a kimono.  Traditional clothing for this place.”  The man nodded, taking it all in, “A robe to wear outside.  Brilliant.  And the color.  Oh but I shall have to postpone girl time for later.  I have news of one Kennyo that I think you should hear..”

He entered his camp, his men approaching with worried expressions.  He waved his hand to them, “I am fine.  My meditations took longer than I thought they would.  Have you all had your midday meal?”  They nodded and Kennyo returned the gesture, “Good.  We need our strength if we’re to keep with our plans.  Any news from our spies?”  Kennyo shifted, hearing a strange crunching.  He glanced down, seeing a spot of a clearish item catching the light.  He pulled out the pouch, eyeing the shining things inside.  Something tugged at his memory, but he couldn’t identify the noisy bag, nor its contents.  Call it instinct, though, but he was sure they were somehow important.  “Where did these come from…” he muttered to no one.

“Did you say something, Kennyo-sama?”

“Ah, no.  I will attend the lake for some fresh water.  Apologies that I did not help with the meal.”  Kennyo took the package, eyeing it on and off as he went.  The small things inside glinted and caught the light, but also held folds and imperfections that Kennyo couldn’t quite come to terms with.  If this was metal, it was rather damaged metal.  What use could these possibly have?  And yet, that nagging feeling just simply wouldn’t leave.

He could smell gunpowder and knew he was no longer alone.  [That strange ninja is here, again.  He better not be scaring off the wildlife again.]  The pop of a firecracker let Kennyo know where the location of the nuisance was.  He approached, Sasuke darting up a tree before Kennyo came too close.

Kennyo stared up at the man, “How many times must I tell you not to practice your tricks here?”

“Apologies.”

“Why do you keep coming back?”

“It’s out of the way of everyone.”

“Obviously not everyone.”

“Ah, but you aren’t in your camp.”

The bag in Kennyo’s hand crinkled, drawing Sasuke’s attention.

“Oh dear…”

“You know what these are, then?”

Sasuke hesitated, remembering his own adventure with the confections, “They’re called kisses.”

“Absurd.”

“It’s true.  They’re a candy from my village.”

Kennyo looked nonplussed, “You eat poor metal.”

“You remove the foil.”

What a strange man, a strange item, and just a strange day.  Kennyo shook his head.  Turning, he left the ninja and gathered his water, muttering about the lunacy of wanting to name food after kisses.

Later, Kennyo and his men descended from their hideout, moving into the plains.  The plan was simple, disguised as soldiers from The Devil and the Dragon’s armies, the townspeople will be more against the warlords and side with Kennyo, bolstering his numbers.  He himself remained as the monk that would provide the balm for the injured souls of the people.  

His men separated, leaving Kennyo to walk alone.  It wasn’t long, though before Kennyo realized something was very very wrong.  For one, the town seemed entirely peaceful.  Too peaceful.  There should have been a sign of struggle by now.  

He clicked his tongue, intending to check on his men, but found riders coming towards him.  The standard let him know that Oda Nobunaga was racing towards him.  Alone and beyond outnumbered, Kennyo grimaced and fled.  The men didn’t seem to follow, allowing Kennyo to slip into the trees, tracing his way to the town, change, and hide in one of the tea houses.

“The dainty man was right.  I’m impressed.”

“I have no desire to converse with you.”  Kennyo passed Shingen, intending to hide himself away in a corner.

“Is that any way to greet an old friend.”  Shingen followed Kennyo, leaving the man unable to move again, lest he draw attention.

“What do you want?”

Shingen tapped the table as if pointing to some unseen object, “In exchange for an exquisite item known as a ‘cupcake’ I am here to help you with those.”

“And ‘those’ would be?”

“With the kisses.  That’s what these are.”

Shingen shifted slightly, pointing to the pouch that didn’t quite fit right in Kennyo’s robes.

“I shouldn’t be surprised that you would know of such strange things.”

“Well…” Shingen smirked, “it would be remiss of me to not offer myself to my friend as the first to receive such a gift.”

Kennyo eyed Shingen, “I’m not going to kiss you.”

“No love for your friend and brother.  I’m hurt.”

A low growl rumbled from the monk.

“I could see if one of the Oda army would be willing-”

Kennyo had grabbed the bag, shoving it almost violently to Shingen, “Fine.”

Shingen’s lips remained upturned as he opened the bag of chocolates.  “I remember when Sasuke brought these.  Delightful little things,” he said as he plucked one out, unwrapping it, and placing it in his mouth, giving a lewd sound as it melted on his tongue. 

He glanced to Kennyo, who looked somewhat ill, “Promiscuous lech.”

Shingen  and stood, leaning to kiss Kennyo atop his head, “Don’t forget to spread the kisses.  Last time someone defied the kiss gods, Kenshin lost his weapon.  Quite tragic.” 

Kennyo stared as Shingen left.  Spread?  To who?  He huffed, grabbing the chocolates, giving one to the old man that had served him.  “Give a kiss to your wife.  With blessings of the Buddha.”  It sounded weird to say, but Kennyo didn’t seem to know what else to make of it all.

As he moved through the town, he gave a piece to each he’d seen, directing them to kiss their spouses or lovers in exchange for the blessing.  If Buddha was going to make him spread kisses, he might as well spread them to any and all.  [This is penance, isn’t it?  The demon having to give the people blessings before he’s sent to hell]

“Kennyo-san…” He knew the voice.  He turned, finding you.  You held out your hand, expectantly.  Kennyo plunked a chocolate into your hand, “Blessings of the Buddha.”

You shook your head, “That’s not how you give a kiss.”  You stood on your toes, bringing your height to his face, planting a small kiss on his cheek, “I was told by someone that’s a correct kiss.  Thank you, Kennyo-san.”  You took your treat, unwrapped it, and ate your gift.  You bowed, pointing towards a path, “By the way, I was told that was your safest bet to not get caught.”

Kennyo sighed, shaking his head, “Your his woman and giving me help out of town.  Will wonders never cease.”  You smiled, bowing again, and moved past the man, leaving Kennyo to his escape.

He slipped into the forest, up the mountain, and to his camp, finding his men relatively unharmed, though rattled.  Someone had ratted your plan to the Oda AND Uesugi armies.  Luckily, the men had seen the forces and doubled back to wait orders from their leader.  Kennyo praised his men, assuring them there would be a next time.  For now, though, he was tired and was sure they were too, so rest was needed more.

He went to his little shack, settling himself on the floor contemplating the day’s events.  Small nails tapping let Kennyo know a guest arrived.  He picked the tiny creature and placed it in his lap.  He took out his final piece of Hershey’s, unwrapping it as he’d seen you and Shingen do, giving it to the small weasel.  “Here, Hozuki.  Blessings of the Buddha.”  Recalling what you and Shingen had done, Kennyo leaned down, giving Hozuki a kiss, the critter giving a squeak in response, taking the chocolate with gusto.  “Glad you like it.  Hope this completes this joy.  I don’t think I can tolerate more.”

Writer… Yes?

Are you SURE it’s just soda?

Cherry coke, why?

Is it original recipe coke?

Ha..ha..no

Kennyo has a new stamp Uh...yeah

Are there other new stamps

Uh…

Writer?

OH HEY LOOK, IT’S EDGAR

“The writer does sure love their strange humor”

[writingwhimsey]

300 Follower Celebration Masterlist

300 follower celebration concluded! Here are all the fics for the event! I hope you all enjoy! I had so much fin writing all of these!

Married for the Night- ikesen Kanetsugu, fake marriage trope, fluff.

The Pirate and The Princess- ikesen Motonari, arranged marriage trop, fluff

I'm You...You're Me? HELP?!- ikepri Clavis, body swap trope, crack and fluff

The Night That Changed Everything- ikesen Shingen, one bed trope, smut fic, 18+ NSFW

Safe and Sound - ikesen Ieyasu, one bed trope, fluff

A Wish Gone Awry - ikesen Hideyoshi & Mitsuhide, body swap trope, crack fic

Ridiculous Man - ikepri Clavis, blind date trope, fluff fic

A Business Trip turns Personal - ikesen Mitsuhide, one bed trop, smut fic 18+ NWFW

A Blind Date Literally - ikepri Clavis, blind date trope, crack fic

Lazy Day - ikesen Kenshin, rainy day cuddles, fluff

Tough Negotiations - ikesen Nobunaga, enemies to lovers trope, smut NSFW 18+

Luckiest Dumbass In the World - iksen Yukimura, arranged marriage trope, fluff

Through the Storm - ikesen Kenshin, one bed, fluff

[darkkitsuneprincess]

Sweet Fantasies (Shingen x MC crack)

Pure, unadulterated crack, fresh from the depths of my sleep-deprived brain. I’m sorry not sorry.

This is probably a teaser for a longer something once Mitsuhide finishes torturing me in my mind *g* BECAUSE I WANT SHINGEN KITCHEN SMUT RIGHT NOW. Oooohhhhhh the places my mind goes with this. Why yes, I am an equal-opportunity Ikesen ho.

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

Title: Sweet Fantasies Pairing: Shingen x MC Rating: T (No smut, all crack. Sexytime insinuated)

Description: While enjoying a sunny day in the garden, Shingen and MC discuss something MC misses from the future. Silliness follows. 

------

The warmth of spring had finally arrived and the rain ceased, albeit temporarily. It was the first time in nearly two weeks the doors inside our home stood open, letting in the fresh air and allowing us out. I sat in the garden under a shower of cherry blossoms while Shingen worked on his latest project—a cradle for Yukimura and his new wife. The announcement hadn’t been made yet, but we could tell by the way Mariko carried herself that it would come soon. Many times over the last month I’d braved the incessant downpour to care for her during bouts of sickness while Shingen and Yuki were otherwise indisposed. The mental image of Yukimura figuring out how to handle a baby amused me so much that I couldn’t help laughing out loud.

“What, pray tell, brings my goddess such great joy?” Shingen asked. His head was bent against his work and wood shavings covered him from head to toe as he carved and sanded the rocker blades that would hold our gift.

“Just thinking about how much fun it will be to tease Yukimura about being a father,” I answered, still snickering.

Shingen laughed as well. “Lucky for Mariko, he’s a fast learner,” he said. This was true. Yuki might have been an awkward idiot, but he was sincere in everything he did and if it meant pleasing his wife, he’d go to the ends of the earth to do it. “It’s such a shame,” Shingen continued, still chuckling, “I have this goddess in my presence, yet she’s thinking of another man. I must be losing my touch.”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re so corny.”

“Perhaps.” Shingen placed his tools to the side and opened his arms. “Come here. I suddenly have the need to hold my angel.” His cheesy lines made my face heat, but I slipped into his lap without hesitation and lay my head against his shoulder. Everything this man did, he did with the sole purpose of making me smile.

A purr of satisfaction rumbled out from his chest, coursing through me in the most delicious way. It would be so easy to distract him with a kiss; to drag him back to our bedroom and spent yet another day wrapped up in each other. Though as much as I would’ve enjoyed it, the sunshine was too warm and wonderful to ignore.

“Tell me, my love,” Shingen said, his fingers coursing through my unbound hair, “what is it like to raise children in your time?”

“I don’t really know,” I answered. We’d talked about kids a lot over the last year since returning from the future, but despite Shingen’s best efforts, it hadn’t happened yet. “The birth process is much easier thanks to modern medicine. Painkillers, a couple of days in the hospital, and you’re home. I imagine it’s easier to care for a baby with things like electricity and refrigeration. If a mom can’t produce breast milk, there are easily available alternatives. A modern kitchen definitely helps when preparing a little one’s food.”

“That kitchen of yours certainly was a sight to behold.”

“You know, of all the things I miss from the future, I think I miss my kitchen the most.”

Shingen’s hand stilled in my hair. We often talked of the future, but not of the things I missed. I chose not to dwell on the conveniences I’d given up. When we first returned, Shingen asked me often if I regretted leaving and I always told him no. To mention something I miss meant I had his full attention.

“What makes you miss that kitchen so much?”

“You’ll think it’s silly.” I turned my face into his chest to hide my embarrassment and laughed.

“Nothing you say is silly. Tell me what you miss.”

I hesitated and he pulled me back by the shoulders. Shingen made me look at him despite the burning redness in my face.

“The raised counters,” I admitted, mortified. Shingen’s forehead creased and a small half-smile appeared on his lips.

“The counters? Why ever would that be the thing you miss most?”

“I…I can’t tell you that part.”

“My angel,” he started, his gaze darkening as he stared at me, “you must remember that I am a master of information. I have ways of extracting it from you.”

Ways I’d enjoy, no doubt…

I leaned back against his chest, wrapping my arms around him so I didn’t have to look at him. His arms slid back around me, cradling me against him like I was the most precious treasure in the world.

“So, there’s always this scene in romance novels where the heroine is in the kitchen and the hero comes in to see what she’s doing.” A hysterical giggle escaped my throat. I couldn’t believe I was telling him this.

“If you feel that way about it, it must be a particularly good fantasy.” His lips land on my forehead and his fingers work back into my hair, calming me.

“Well, yeah…it really is.”

“Tell me about it. What happens after he finds her in the kitchen?”

“He interrupts whatever she’s doing by coming up behind her and putting his arms around her. Then…”

“Go on.”

I take a deep breath. “He’ll distract her by kissing her. And then he’ll put her up on the counter and…”

“And then he ravishes her?” Shingen asked, entirely too interested in my little fantasy world. I nodded against his chest and bit the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing again. “That is quite the fantasy, Princess. I understand why you would miss your counters so much.” There was a note of…is that jealousy?…in his voice. His shoulders tensed and though he didn’t say anything, I could tell he wasn’t pleased by the thought of me doing something like that with someone else.

“Shingen…” I inhaled again and leaned back, steeling myself against the surprising coldness in his gaze. When I touched his face with my fingertips, he didn’t lean into it like normal. “I…I’ve never actually done that, you know. I’ve just read about it and…”

And all the hardness in him melted away, replaced with a new, almost predatory determination.

“I see,” he replied. An indulgent smile appeared on his lips. “You miss the idea of raised counters because you think it means you’ll never have the chance to know how it feels for yourself.”

“Yes.”

“Then I shall give you your modern kitchen. I can think of nothing more arousing than my beautiful wife in her dream kitchen making sweets for me.”

“You always turn it around, don’t you? You make everything about you.”

“Of course,” he answered with a grin. “Now that my mind’s eye has shown me you in the kitchen, your belly rounded with our first child while you make those wonderful molasses dumplings of yours, I cannot unsee it.”

He pulled me close and kissed me, his skilled lips and talented fingers teasing over me and breaking down every inhibition I had and making me totally forget my witty retort about his various appetites. By the time he let me go, I was a quivering mass of need. He did such wonderful, horrible things to me. The jerk prided himself on it.

“Perhaps, my angel, I can assist in creating some new fantasies until that kitchen is ready.” He rose from the ground, lifting me in his arms like I weighed nothing, and turned for our bedroom, his lips finding mine again.

To be continued in a later story...

[bearsace]

PREVIEW: The Tale of Yukimura, Kamisama, and the Impossibly Long Year

Like all great legends about all great spirits, it began with a single sentence.

Well, something like that. If you asked Yukimura, it would definitely have begun because she provoked him, dammit! She started this— not him.

At least that’s what he’d say. But the history textbooks beg to differ because, as this humble author opines, any goddess-slash-nature-spirit would be offended if some hooligan selling women’s clothing came out of left field and said those Four Fateful Words:

“It’s the boar woman!”

Dear reader, perhaps I should take this moment to backtrack.

Meet our hero: Sanada Yukimura, modest merchant and part-time warlord. In this rewind, our beloved Yuki has found himself in quite the predicament. You see, he is atop a woman, atop a cliff, atop a heap of very, very bad luck.

She was quite lovely, he noted, because he was after all a man. Her skin was soft, like a leaf, and her lips were prettily shaped like a flower petal that frowned up at him.

 But also her hair looked like dirt and she appeared as if she woke up from a long nap. It was not a fetching look.

“You run like a boar,” he said.

Her nostrils flared like one.

“How insulting,” she proclaimed imperiously. “I should smite you for that, but I follow the old laws. Know that that is your first warning out of three.”

“Smite me? What is this, the 1400s? This is 1582. Stop using outdated language.”

“I swear, you’re really pushing it for warning number two.”

One thing to know about nature spirits (which Yukimura obviously did not know she was) is that they are particularly testy when it comes to their items of worship. This particular nature spirit had just had a spat with the actual spirit of boars who was, ahem… 

A bit of a swine, so to speak.

So to be called a boar woman? Yukimura might as well have burned down her shrine.

[nad-zeta]

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 the part about poor kane and kenshin always makes me wanna cry and hug kane super tightly and give him alllll the head pats and forhead kisses🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😳😳😳

Keiji All Alone

Fandom: Ikesen

Characters: Keiji Maeda, but everyone really makes an appearance

Prompt: Cybird is a coward for stopping at a poster with their parody. As per usual the fans have to deliver for themselves. Consider this a belated Christmas gift for @keijitheninja​ 

Words: +4k

Warnings: Mentions of food, whatever warnings apply to the movie ‘Home Alone’. 

Azuchi castle houses five sons. Chaos was inevitable, with each and every one of them at home for the holidays to pay respect to their parents.

“Keiji, Masamune. If you want to help, stop throwing flour!” Hideyoshi had warned two of his sons, a deep frown set on his face and his apron more white than chequered, as was the rest of his person.

The threat of throwing the two of them out of the kitchen was a real warning, though neither really took it to heart. After all, none of the other three were willing to help and with the disaster that the kitchen already looked like all help was needed when dinner was with a grand total of fifteen.

“Catch!” Masamune had called, mischief clear in his eyes as he flicked something off his knife. At the other side of the kitchen Keiji had turned around, his mouth wide open as he caught the thing flying through the air, a grateful smile on his lips as he chomped down.

Weiterlesen

[lordhelpme0-0]

Crossover— MDZS + Twisted Wonderland Masterlist

Main Masterlist — pinned post

Reactions/ Hcs/ shenanigans/ chaos/ crack with other in script form is here:

Meeting the MDZS cast — All (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6)

Reaction to the Sect Mottos — All Dorms (Part 1, ???)

Therapist Convo in incorrect quote form

Auntie Qing + Auntie Yanli give NRC and RSA a talk [in script form]

Replaced Au but threat to not replaced [Ikesen, Ikevamp, Ikepri, twst, obey me, mdzs?]

One shots/ short stories/ Ao3 fics:

A Night to Remember (one short from a HC)

Auntie Yanli has enough! (One-shot)

Ao3 fanfic: Cultivation meets Magic, Ancient Diaries of the Cultivation’s Women

MDZS!Twst Au:

The idea/ how this Au came to be

Diasomnia

•MDZS!Malleus Draconia

Savanaclaw

•MDZS!Leona Kingscholar

Other

•Jiang Cheng Daugther

[the12thnightproject]

I am speed XD. Cursed bingo. Keiji, Shingen, Yoshimoto; "You did what?", Tweets; maybe something on the spicier side.

❤❤❤

@cottonfluffballofdoom

Hiya speedy! Thank you for playing the game! This one definitely ended up as crack fic. I had fun putting these together, once I found a website that helped me format them. Hope you enjoy!

Title: Herd It Through The Grapevine

Prompts: "You Did What?" and Tweets

Characters: Keiji, Shingen, Yoshimoto, with appearances also by Ieyasu, Masamune, Sasuke, Kanetsugu, Kenshin and Yukimura

Spice Level - Moderate (there's some suggestive lines, but it's mostly SFW)

Word count: unknown

--------------------------------------------------------------------

[writer-akihiko]

[NSFT] Fitting For A Warlord - Hideyoshi X Reader

Wooh! My second IkeSen entry for @xxsycamore's Kinktober event, with the daddy mother of the warlords, Hideyoshi. This is more of a shorter, sweet fic as I translated this from an older work.

If you are under 18, do not read. This work contains sex and other sexual themes. Please also consider blocking the [#not family friendly] tag on my blog because I still will be posting that kind of content.

Prompt: Orgasm denial; "I don't care if it's too much, you're not allowed to cum."

Hideyoshi and his army had returned a few hours ago. He was a hard worker, labouring his efforts for Lord Nobunaga. Much to your surprise, your husband retired to your shared bedroom, instead of drinking his success with the others. The servants hurried into your room, where you were wrapping the ribbon that came with Hideyoshi's letter in the tresses of your hair.

You never greeted him at the gate of Azuchi, because you knew he'd always return to you. The servants that rushed in carried a barrel of sake, one that you'd assumed was gifted from none other than Nobunaga. Hideyoshi was patient, a sight that you had never seen in your husband, especially when you weren't properly dressed.

Tucking your haori over your shoulders and neck, you gazed at your husband. His golden eyes held a hunger like no other, his stares lingering nowhere but your neck, his lips curling at the faint red marks.

By the faint shut of the doors, his hands were reaching to pull off the furs that covered the mass of his chest. Stripped of his kimono, the cloth barely clinging to his hips, he was on his knees, crawling to his wife wrapped up in his haori.

His hands were large, calloused from his sword. His palm was enough to cup your ass cheeks, with his other hand slipping in the crack of your thighs, parting them softly as the length of your kimono rid up your body. Your legs were a perfect fit for him, his broad chest in between you as your plush thighs rested against his firm muscles. "You must've been patient for me, my precious wife," He muttered, his eyes meeting yours.

You nodded, eager to feel your husband's hands all over you, pushing your thighs apart a little more just to accommodate his large build. He smiled into his kiss to your abdomen, his lips against your soft skin tickling you as his hands reached to undo your obi.

"I don't care if it's too much, you're not allowed to cum," He hummed. Your breasts, released from the prison of your kimono enticed Hideyoshi, his mouth kissing the peaks before trailing his lips to the pinkish marks on your neck. His hands were not idle, one trailing to your breast while the other cupped your lower half, his finger experimenting with your folds.

You were nearing your end.

It had been hours, with Hideyoshi moving from your neck to your breast with only a finger in your crevice. You hadn't reached your high at all, Hideyoshi's denial at an all time high as he continuously marked your neck and abused your breasts.

"P-Please let me cum!" You begged, hips bucking against Hideyoshi's hand, but his larger build kept you in place, preventing you from moving. Hideyoshi was an honest man, relishing in those whines of yours.

"Mm… I might cum just from your whines alone, YN…" His cock was straining, his pre-cum staining parts of your legs. It wasn't time, he thought to himself… For once, he was the tease in the relationship, having you cry under him…

The sweet assault on your breasts never ceased, as you tried to keep your thighs together to obey your husband. It was impossible with his large hand keeping you spread wide open for him.

"Hold on a little longer my love," Hideyoshi kissed your stomach parting himself from you. You thought it was time for your rest, that was, until you felt the press of Hideyoshi's cock to your core. Your handsome husband raked his long fingers through his hair, his hips slowly pressing into you. The prodding from the tip of his shaft parted your folds, but it didn't take half his cock in to see you gushing for him as you screamed out his name.

"Didn't I say not to cum?"