#ik this post has nothing to do with him being autistic but he is in my iteration and I want people to know

[metal-lobster]

This was supposed to be a sketch… it may have gotten away from me a bit. Especially considering I designed a whole laptop for it (not literally).

[enbyleighlines]

Misc. Ikesoren Headcanons, ft. Ranulf

I asked people to send me some word prompts so I could entertain myself with coming up with ikesoren (and/or ikesorenranulf) headcanons, so here we are!

These are all going to assume that Ike gets to take both Soren and Ranulf with him on his post-game journey.

Campfire

Soren has poor circulation and gets cold easily, so Ike prioritizes making a campfire whenever they have to sleep outside, long before the sun has even begun to set. In addition to the warmth, Soren finds the crackling sound of fire very soothing. Ike loves to sit behind him and hold Soren against his chest, so Soren gets to be sandwiched between two heat sources.

Sojourn

Before heading off on their journey across the Desert of Death, Ike and his boyfriends take a tour around the various nations of Tellius. Their favorite discovery is a hot spring resort in the southern mountains of Daein. It is a cute, out of the way spot, and though their stay is short, they remember the time they spent there with great fondness.

Tower

Ike and Ranulf both have a bit of a fear of heights, whereas Soren has no such fear. However, they all enjoy a good view, and being high up allows them to better chart their journey, so they often find themselves climbing towers or old forts. Whenever they climb a particularly steep set of stairs, they are reminded of the Tower of Guidance, which tends to bring down the overall mood.

Birdsong

Ike uses birdsong as his personal alarm clock. When there's nothing urgent to do, he likes to lay in bed for a few minutes, just enjoying the chirping of birds outside. Soren, who wakes before the sun, doesn't have any opinions on birdsong until Ike makes a mention of how much he enjoys it one day. After that, Soren begins adding descriptions of songbirds they find and their calls in his adventuring journal (because we all know he has one).

Haunted Houses

Soren doesn't believe in superstitions, so once or twice he makes use of an abandoned, supposedly haunted house as a place for their trio to rest for the night. Ike isn't afraid of ghosts, either, so he's fine with it. Ranulf, on the other hand, tends to get spooked by every little sound he hears at night, and barely gets any sleep. At one point, Soren even gets paid to "exorcise" a house. Because Ike doesn't feel good taking someone's money for no good reason, he decides to at least fix some of the creaky floorboards. Ranulf remains convinced in the existence of ghosts, no matter what the other two say.

Hidden Study

Soren is 100% the type of person to have a hidden study, once the trio finally settles down in their forever home. Though, it's not so much "hidden" as Soren simply refuses to inform anyone that he possesses a study, which is only accessible through the master bedroom. Even so, Ike and Ranulf keep referring to it as the "secret study". Soren finds the whole thing ridiculous, but he can't deny the thrill that comes with stealing kisses from Ike in his study. It feels like they're sneaking around, reminding Soren of the days before their journey, when their relationship was not yet made public.

Thank you @amateur-autist and @forgottenpriest for the prompts!

[navarresimp]

ALL NUMBERS FOR GASTON

You do not know what you have brought upon this cursed website

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

Genuinely always enjoyed extremely over the top dramatic flamboyant arrogant bastards who get redeemed as a character. I also love that never in the game he is an actual antagonist, he just makes himself very hard to get along with in the first half of the game and makes every fight as a partner extremely frustrating just because you killed a snake before he could once. 10/10 petty behaviour. You actually feel for him when he no longer is crusader captain because you know he's a sucker for attention and cares a lot about how others perceive him. Also spears are genuinely underrated weapons to give to a character. He's the definition of Christian boy guilt. 5 stars most arrogant man in Mikado (alive) would buy again

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

Him canonically striking a pose when winning against Merkabah is by far the funniest fucking thing. He would absolutely do that again. I like to think he does that after every battle. He probably does it in front of a mirror sometimes.

Also him being a picky eater evident by his hunter association dialogue. Yes autistic king I get it.

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

Ik it's not really canon(thank god) as it is like a hallucination by nanashi but like the downright pedo dialogue at the start of the Beach DLC (Ew Ew Ew banana peel banana peel tomato tomato crucify the french boy)

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

Faith the unholy Trilogy: make this man experience the religious horrors and see how long he'd survive

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

Titanic by Falco (it's about fully giving into decadence and being brave enough to take the fall)

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

Massive ego and flamboyancy

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

The insanely scrumptious fanart that people post every now and them. Also everyone unanimously agreeing that he is the worst battle partner and is only good when auto grinding.

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

The fandom consists of like 3 people and a bunch of dead shitpost accounts brother there is nothing to criticise when there is nothing to begin with

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

No, I genuinely think he would get very pissed by the way I organise and sometimes forget to pay rent (judging how decked out his family is he would probably be a landlord sympathiser).

10. Could you be best friends with this character?

We are already besties

11. Would you date this character?

HELL NAH

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

Most homosexual homo to have ever sexualed but is extremely repressed. Has memorized most of the bible and will drop psalms occasionally (even after killing God it's just that ingrained) Autistic, his first special interest was the bible, but autism wasn't yet invented in 1432 Mikado so everyone thought he was a child blessed by God. Knows how to ride horses, was taught by his father and knows how to cook, taught by his grandmother. After the peace route he discovered a cooking show DVD and rewatches it constantly. Is iron deficient, passed out often during puberty. Has NPD. If he lived in the real world he would be very rude to customer service staff but leave a 100€ tip.

13. What's an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot?

Fork emoji

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

Light academia: white and brown hell yeah

15. What's your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)

16. What's your least favorite ship for this character?

Literally any ship that ships him with an under age character or him and his brother (I can't believe I have to say this)

17. What's a ship for this character you don't hate but it's not your favorite that you're fine with?

Forget the insanity of angels and the weird time bending shit that went on in Mikado for a minute and Gaston x Jonathan would actually become an interesting narrative of two gay guys who had their gayness repressed by a super religious kingdom and the inherently classist feudal system whose heteronormative structure demands heterosexuality to uphold the godchosen oppressor class and the tragedy of one becoming the very essence of the force that oppresses(angel) and the other bing forced to kill his lover to achieve freedom. Doomed yaoi if you will

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

If the writers knew how to cook they would've utilized the clear parallels they established between Toki and Gaston. Their friendship could've genuinely went hard. It does go hard but only in my head unfortunately.

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

Bestie behaviour

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

His extravagant speech, that is on the other hand very weird to Google how do you write the past tense of dilly dally

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?

There are like 2 fics I love them all

23. Favorite picture of this character?

These two I made I can't decide

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

Apollo Justice Lawyersona Shin Megamitourney Acesei

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

Genuinely don't remember anything that happened between 2013 and 2018 including my first play through. All I know now is that he is literally me.

[wanda-starr]

Pinned post for introduction:

Account owner info: he/Him they/them pronouns, 19 years old, autistic with many different fandoms

Hello! For those who don't know, Wanda is my Wander Over Yonder oc! I want to say everything featuring her and Bill Cipher is simply just a crack ship, nothing to be taken seriously. I come from the Wander Over Yander aminos, so if you did as well, it's nice to see you again:).

Wanda is my original character, and one with a pretty unwritten backstory at the moment(online, at least). She does have one, that being: being abandoned by her brother(Wander, basic ik) and seeking revenge on him, doing so by joining Lord Hater and his army. She has her own watchdog assistant, Hermes(another oc of mine), and is DEAD SET on killing Wander. Girly pop got problems 😔

I have a youtube channel where Wanda is featured ALOT(It's pretty much just her, lmao), and that will be linked in this post. Hopefully, someone will like it, lol.

And here is my OFFICIAL Tumblr blog: @riverstg

[gregoriaofnyssa]

Secondhand Embarrassment About Midwit Spergs

This is an extremely off-topic post, but it's something I need to get off my chest.

I'm an autistic woman. My diagnosis is ASD, but I disagree with this categorization, so I will refer to myself as a sperg, short for Asperger's syndrome-- ik, controversial, die mad about it. I may do a longer post about this in the future.

I'm in two classes this semester that have been causing me to internally expire. I will go from least awful, to worst.

I'm taking an Epic Literature course, and I sit next to a Classics major who is on the spectrum. We have similar types of Aspergers. I think if we were in another context, we would get along great except for the fact he reminds me of my ex-boyfriend, which is not his fault. He feels he is extremely qualified to talk about the Iliad, which in many ways, I am certain is true. But he expresses this certainty though interjecting the professor (who is my favorite), going on long, only semi-related tangents in the middle of discussion, and reading manga in class with full brightness, presumably because he believes he's gaining nothing from the lectures.

My classmates in my major have told me he's annoying, and that they can't stand people like that, and that they bet that's the kind of student professors hate to have in class.

The second course is a Middle Eastern history course, and there are four variously-functioning spergs who sit in the front row. The one in the middle greeted the poor Ashkenazi professor with a butchered ~"Al-Salama Lakam"~ on the second day because he "felt it would be appropriate for this class,"; the one on the left adds personal, completely non sequitur anecdotes to his rambling questions; and the one to the right seems completely checked out, asking questions and making comments so insulting to every possible demographic I'm not sure how I'm surviving.

For instance, this guy on the right asked if the Umayyad Caliphate was why there were so many [muhammadean] terrorists. He said he couldn't really believe the Quran promotes peace because he sees so much Terrorism on the news. He interjects the most obvious comments as if they are world-stopping revelations. In other classes I've had with him, he once described a portrait of Queen Elizabeth as looking "so Victorian."

I know, in my mind, that this is just a section of the spectrum that has either not learned to sufficiently keep a lid on it or deal with verbal incontinence in a way that is not socially hazardous, or people on the spectrum who are just averagely intelligent. I cultivate a social group of almost exclusively autistic people-- that is who I get along best with-- and I make sure that group is exclusively people I think are brilliant. I am not used to being around spectrum-ey people who are only as smart as your average person. That is why I find it so jarring. I should just let it go and trust that this encounter doesn't alter the impression of spergs or autistics in the minds of other people.

But that is not how my foolish little brain works. In my brain, I am melting from embarrassment. In my brain, everyone can see that they and I are alike, and that we share something in common. I am just like them. In my brain, I am as ignorant and interrupting as they are, my every contribution less than useless, my every word arrogant and annoying. It makes me not want to speak in these classes at all out of fear I sound just like them.

I don't know if I want comfort or advice, but I just had to express this. I'm sure it's some kind of internalized disorder.

[softxsuki]

Hello! I am recently new to your blog and wanted to request something urgent and it’s based on something what I’ve went through especially since COVID happened. Can I request an Eren x Depressed!Autistic!Fem!Reader (shes also overwhelmed with suicidal thoughts) where Y/N sat down in bed crying her eyes out before Eren (side note he sleeps completely naked) comes to bed and comforts her. Finally, he reminds her he’ll always be her guardian angel before cuddling her and let her rest? Thanks - 🌙

Eren Comforting Autistic Reader Who's Crying At Night

Pairing: Eren x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of depression, mention of suicidal thoughts, crying, Eren being naked (nothing happens, this is SFW don't worry)

Genre: Angst, Comfort

Post-Type: Drabble

Word Count: 850

Summary: In which you depression and suicidal thoughts become so overwhelming one night that it sends you into tears. Eren walks into your shared room, sees you crying and tries to comfort you until you calm down and fall asleep in his arms.

[A/N: Hello 🌙 anon! Thank you for trusting me with your urgent request and welcome to my blog! I'm glad you found me :). This is my first ever time writing for Eren, so I hope I did him justice lol. Ik you asked for a oneshot (which is over 1000 words) and I tried my best to reach that word limit, but I honestly didn't know what else to add, so it came out as a drabble (under 1000 words) I hope that's okay :(. (I also wasn't sure how to incorporate that reader is autistic, but I'm sure you can still imagine that she is while you read ;c) Hopefully Eren can provide you with some comfort through this drabble. Take care of yourself and I wish you luck on your road to healing <3]

Quiet sobs echo in the dark room as rays of moonlight bleed through the window, casting light on the edge of your bed. Tears race down your face due to the overwhelming suicidal thoughts that race through your mind. Sitting on the bed you shared with your boyfriend, Eren, you rock back and forth with your hands over your ears, hoping the thoughts would just stop.

It isn’t long until Eren walks in completely naked, ready to hop into bed and sleep as the day has finally come to an end, but he sees your crying form and pauses at the foot of your bed. You’re already used to his nakedness since he sleeps like that every night, stating it makes him feel “free” while he sleeps, so glancing up at him with teary eyes, you’re completely unfazed at the sight of his body.

Eren already knew that you dealt with depression and suicidal thoughts as there were frequent nights like this where you’d have a complete mental breakdown; he knew exactly what to do to help calm you down.

He slithers into bed beside you and speaks in a gentle voice, trying to get your attention off your thoughts and back to him.

“Deep breaths Y/N, you got this, just like we practiced,” his soothing voice fills the room.

A warm arm wraps around your shoulders, getting you to stop rocking back and forth as he brings you to his chest, whispering beautiful words in your ears to ease your thoughts and try to get you to calm down.

“You’re okay. Your thoughts are only thoughts, you have the power to stop them. Take as much time as you need, you know I’ll be here for you through every second until you can calm down.”

It takes a while before your tears finally dry and you lay still in his arms as shaky breaths leave your mouth–evidence of all your sobbing that you had just done.

Eren wipes away the remainder of your tears and places soft kisses to every inch of your face before speaking.

“You remember what to do when this happens, right baby? You take deep breaths and call me over so I can help. I told you I’d always watch out for you–kinda like your guardian angel,” his deep voice vibrates in the pit of your chest as he leans his head on your shoulder, “You did so well, I’m proud of you for calming down, but next time don’t forget to call me. I don’t want you to have to suffer on your own like that when I’m under the same roof as you.”

“I’ll try to remember next time…but thank’s for coming in time,” you whisper, “I just wish I could get over this already, I hate having my depression and suicidal thoughts control me. I want to be happy and normal again…”

“I know baby, but you’re making so much progress. Change won’t happen overnight. You’re working so hard towards a happier future for yourself and I’ll do whatever it takes to help you get there. We just have to be patient and understanding. You won’t have to go through this one day, I promise,” he kisses your cheek before cuddling you closer to his chest as you were both still sitting up in bed.

You sigh, but nod your head. It was very frustrating having little to no control over this sudden sadness that loomed over you, but Eren was that little light–or as he put it, your guardian angel– through it all. His voice led you out of the darkness temporarily, as his arms brought upon a warmth in you that reminded you to keep pushing forward and living.

You yawn–exhaustion flowing over you after your breakdown, which Eren notices and leads you both to lie down as he continues to hold you close to him. He was doing his best to stay strong for the both of you, but he feared that one day you’d slip between his fingers. The thought terrified him and made him squeeze you a little tighter, deeply inhaling your familiar scent that he hoped would always remain.

“I love you,” he reminds you gently, nuzzling his head into the crook of your neck, “Just rest now. You’ll be okay, I’m right here with you.”

“I love you too. Thank you Eren,” you just barely get out, feeling safe in his arms as you finally drift off into a surprisingly peaceful sleep; your mind felt a lot lighter than it did before Eren entered the room.

Eren just admires the peaceful look on your face as you rest in his arms, smiling slightly at you. He wished for your sake that your mind could always be as calm as it was when you slept, so you could be happy again. He knew though, that the day would come eventually when you would be able to get through the day without any overwhelming negative thoughts.

He presses one last kiss to your cheek before closing his own eyes and drifting off beside you, just glad to have you safe in his arms.

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted: 2/4/2022

[thechangeling]

I need to hear more about Mark Blackthorn having ADHD please indulge me this concept sounds so interesting

Ok I have photographic proof from Lady Midnight because I didn't have the time or the patience to look through all of them and it's only the first few chapters, but I managed to get a whole bunch from just that. However if I posted the pictures then I would need to transcribe everything on the pages. So I'm taking the quotes directly from the books and you're just gonna have to take my word for it. Ok?

Some of the traits of ADHD just to name a few are Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, impulsivity/impatience, irritability/being prone to aggression, risk taking behavior, stubbornness and also others but they aren't relevant right now.

RSD is defined as being very sensitive to what people think, say and feel about you, always assuming the worst. Those of us who suffer from RSD constantly think that everyone we love is going to leave us or that they secretly hate us. It creates insecurity and low self esteem and feeling like a failure when you don't live up to other people's expectations. Also very explosive anger when you think you're being rejected.

Evidence of RSD:

- "You don't hate me?" Mark said, lying in Kieran's arms somewhere in a high Alpine meadow. His unkempt blond hair brushed against Kieran's shoulder as he turned his head. "For being nephilim?"

- "I don't know where I belong, he said. "But if you let me, I will try to belong here."

- Mark glanced at his brother, and then the others clearly worried. "Was that helpful?" he said. Was it a thing I should not have said?"

RSD and irritability/being prone to aggression:

- "Speech and petitions," Mark spat. "Might as well do nothing. I knew- I knew they had not chosen to come for me. I knew they had abandoned me to the wild hunt." He swallowed painfully. "I thought it was because they feared Gwyn and the vengeance if the hunt. Not because they hated and despised me."

- "You won't fight for me either," Mark said. "That much is clear." He glanced around the room. "I have come back to a world where I am not wanted it seems."

Evidence of Impulsivity/impatience and irritability/being prone to anger and stubbornness:

- "No," Mark interrupted, his voice rising with fear. "You will tell me now. Where is my full blood sister, the daughter of Lady Nerissa? Where is Helen?"

- Something flashed in Mark's eyes. "If you won't go without him, we will not go at all." He said. "You cannot force me to give up the information."

Evidence of impulsivity, risk taking behavior and impatience:

- "I'll show you. Come with me to look for the place. Why wait? The investigation is urgent isn't it? We must find the killer."

- He stepped off the roof. "Climb down with me," he said and now there was an edge if mockery in his voice. This entire page is just peak ADHD. Like climbing down the side of a building? Peak ADHD!!!!

- "Not yet," Emma said as Mark ducked into the cave. "Mark!" She called. "Mark, don't-Mark!"

- Mark moved towards the circle. "Don't-" Emma lowered her phone. "Go in there," she sighed.

This is also evidence of an inability to listen to instructions which is also an ADHD thing.

And this final scene between Ty and Mark screams ADHD/autism solidarity. It's also evidence of irritability and stubbornness.

- "My turn," said Mark. Diana turned towards him in surprise. He was already stalking towards the training dummy. He strode directly up to it, his boots scuffing the ash and salt on the ground. "Mark," Diana said. "You're not supposed to-." He caught hold of the dummy and yanked it toward himself, ripping the stuffed head from it's body.

- She remembered what Ty had said about his brother in the library. It's not his fault if he doesn't understand everything, or if things are too much for him. It's not his fault. "Now we both have hurt hands," Mark said.

I cried so much reading that scene for the first time. I cry everytime I read it. I'm crying while typing this up. Because it's relatable. It's me and my stepsister who has ADHD. Me and my dad who is also autistic. Me and Alex. Me and Lauryn. Me and all of my friends and mutuals who have ADHD or autism.

Now we both have hurt hands is like a metaphor for our solidarity. It's a way to say, "I've got you. Even if no one else does."

Talking about Stars to Burn in perticular:

Ok so kissing Kieran and running away immediately afterwards is like PEAK RSD!! It's the Kit Herondale speed run! 😂😂

But seriously. It's also very impulsive too.

He's also hella insecure and self deprecating. People with ADHD (in my experience) tend to have a low opinion of themselves. I think this ties into emotional dysregulation. Also depression seems to often be comorbid with ADHD. He refuses to believe that Kieran loves him back because it just seems impossible to him. He does this with Cristina in TDA too.

Not only does Mark run away but he ends up running over a bunch of cliffs that are very slippery from the rain. He only realizes that this is dangerous and not a good idea after some time passes. This is classic little sense of the danger that you are in and impulsive decision making.

So yeah that's my arguement. Very lack luster Ik. But still somewhat convincing no?

[bloojayoolie]

Af, Anime, and Apparently: , Okay Ibl, story ame when I wss younger, had this Irish friend who pred our school when w as like 17, Dude ded recently nd here丐the ballad of the merveeus bsstard be average as fuck 17 year old Bribong Some foreign guy has just joined, his family just moved here city called Dery in Mgved here with his dad and his lite sister, his mum died when he was younger He gets put in my class and ends up stting nest to me This is howl met Eigh-Beers Mgee the all him Call him a hippo because of his fucking industrial size frant teeth and his big flucking lps Greg uses his adism to get out of doing and saying whatever the fuck he wants noing EB wth she lke Greg has his desk very paricularly arranged, pens on one side in a straight ine pencis on the other Dude is OCD as fuck with his pencilcase and shit Goes nuts i anything gets moved, so this desk is sightly apart from everyone elses We all get in shit twe fuck with him an purpose, We ought to know better The sutistic hippo keeps trying to get a reaction out of EB the whole class All af a sudden EB just casualy raises a foot and pushes the Hppo's desk right the fuck over Teacher hurries oer and trying to explan to EB atma Gregs autism while Greg teaks the tack G in his chair, breathing reawy ss thoug gh nong bd sheer辍tstie resentment EB looks at Greg and betsthe teacher "Oh sorry, wedant have Wid bump with more nenhinbeland' h on EB's third day at our school He's a pretty cool guyikes the 쑈me vidya and movies as me and is a big fan of Rugby, was captan of his team back iieland ell hem the school has s rughy searn he says EB goes to check it out, starts off on the lower team because hes think theyire ston of kind of fast runners gets recks fucking everyone that next hal f hel take him Jumps on him, grabs him by the neck to pull him down and iterally rolls on him ike a fucking rolling pn -EB didniteven have the bal What the fook you playin at son I didnt even have the ball, do you even know how to fookin play the game lad EB grins You know over in Ireland you have to be fit to play sports, the fatties get leit on the sideline EB grabs his amn and tosses him to the ground dude twists his anke or something and starts twitching and squeaking lke a baby elephant with parkinsons EB gets put on top team Anonymous (D wHTHOgC) 03 19/14(Wedj20 28 25 UTC-5 No 538041137 Reple 41T months without inc dont give long as youre cool to him dents aside from a few close cals with Greg the Mildly Autistic Hppo e pretty close Apparently ㅲ Ireland they don't have gangs they have paramitanes fighting between whether Northern lreland ts Britsh or hsh >He plays 4down a kal, bd ican tell some shit mu have Pagpened because he always changes the subject when gets clos·tohame Edgy fapgot Luke comes back to school Luke hangs around with a pack of riggers who are all apparenty in a gang, he les to pretend he's part of this "gang" and carries this fucking Stanky e around that he panted red and bue for some reason aOne day at lunch Like corries up to EBied o ofnotere starts askrig his datisalcoholc Nope aound Tm guessin your mam had a far lew belore you were born though mate Well tuck Ind wanna sift speI had to sht out a dat bastardlke yourset. Jog on ン"You win t)4ck with the wrong person t y inst, boy?" EB starts laughing, IHeraly loses his sht at the ste of this Itle fagpot in a trenchc oat with a stanley knfe and actualy presses EB grabs his wrist, takes the fabled blade from the hands of the chosen one tosses t over a fence and punches him straight in the face We're out geting beer, Tm with a 7/10 GT that Ive had a crush on for tucking months Her and EB get along realy wel, athough I sort of think she only hung out with us because EB did That right when we're all drunk, me and QT end up fucking Leaving out my side because this is the ballad of Eght Beer, not me Spend ages taking with QT,estabǐshthat shè apparenty seat, ikes me back EB heads up to bed, I stay down with the other guys to watch TV, QT was askeep when 1 came down QT comes running do wwith a towel round her, soaking wet, and rung out the ont door Apparently EB sleeps naked, not surpnised since Ive found him naked before after a night of drinking Says she came on to himeven ater all he shit she said aLaugh숨 and says he took aprt to bed with hm,awas cn e tablo and when she ed onwth him he lossed all over her Threw her clothes out the wendow into the rain and told her to go and fetch Two weeks later he takes me to a pub and hooks me up with a 910 Anonymous (TDwHT HOC) 03/1914(Wed 20.43 59 UTC-5 No 538044014 Raps.4380408044772 332420 EB and me are total bros after being fnends for a few years 가%aving hm as a best friend is Ike havngtose nasty trainers as a kid Shit get pretty he avy >Him and E汨were close, mostly because EB would buy him vidya and act super interested in the anime sht he lied because nobody else other than me would loses his har chermo aGotovst him, EBisgung me there >He thinks rs awesome get our photo taken together witout any har EB lets him draw all kinds of dumb sh on his bad head, lets him draw a dumb moustache on him o Spend ages just dicking a >Son of a bitch luke who R is, Dukey the Rookie is across the bar in the same tucking trenchcoat he wore back at school >EB says hi chats away to him lbe nothing ever happened >We head home and EB spend the night sitting up with me playing Batlefront on my old P52 and drinking, just trying to cheer me up me every time Sorry for that 2sad4me post, but iti make sense later Anonymous (IO woitth%) 05/19/14(Wed)20 52 46 UTC-5 No 530045357 Reeses 씌38amsrme esaaa Lving together in a let with some chick and her boyfriend The one song I remember is "Uncle Tommy by The Rumjacks, because it played when sht went down EB told them that he "ain't lookin any trouble lads, have a beer and forget that tripe for the night aye? 4 of them jump on him, start beating the shit out of him -l tackle one of them to try help him, get the fuck beaten out of me but fuck that it's goddamn E8 in there EB broke the dudes fucking am He gets up, bleeding out of every pore in his beaunful iwish body Bouncing around with his fists up, Ieraly looks ike he could fly around the room he's bouncing that much The skinheads keep going for him but back off every time aher he swings, it looks lke he could knock a building down with that sh Babbling some incoherent shit in lrish rage, nobody understands the words but everyone understands the meaning pack up there sht ike a scene from a fucking move Eight tucking beersl You splied eight of me fucking beers you hairless tuckin mongrels Eight beers lad, eight fucking beers What's the fucking craic there lke Anonymous (D: wHTiHOgC) 031914(Wed]21:6 02 UTC-5 No. 538047326 EB sgoing back to Ireland to vist his nan, she's real sick 기we lar dr, Befast-thritrs the captal of the oth but not of Ireland ckhow t wori ed EB never eaty expla edit, 5ad you wont understand the bullsh politics unless you grew up there go 1o vist his nan with EB' Sweetest tucking old lady ever, says that EB was always a rough lad but awk he'd never hurt a sour greedy fucker This woman is clearly the most infuenial famly member in the Eight Beer famly EE shows me round Derry, tels me about how 5pIt relgusy and shows methes bg ass wall cood place Takes me to Belast agan and shows methe pace wherethe ttanc was bu -we end up going to place caled The Crown Bar Ger pretty drunk, or Tpped as EB calls it Walked around Belfast for a bt, he tells me about the history of some stuf »Spend a few nights there, have a fucking blast but decide to head home don't wanna be an inrusion on the whole nan stustion Lad you're practicaly a part of the famly Anonymous D wH7HOQC) 03/19/14Wd21 18 48 UTC-5 No 538040230 Getting close to the end now Shits hard to wrte, I miss hat fucker Life is prety uneventful for a wle pparentty some Kiddy Fiddler called Wilm Whight fucked EB when totally agan family home a load of sht, fucks 2EB spends all nut there next to her, nearly gets wolent when staff ask harto leave so doctors can sort some 닸官out calm him down and we wat r, hosptzd for brig bme B's Sister gets beter, but is pretty fucked for life Never taks never leaves the house she's pretty much a goddarmn vegetable EB spends all of his time off work with her, never comes out anymore, just sts in with her. We sometimes come ound and drink with him but he refuses to leave the house -One night while he's sieeping, EB's fucked up sister C's faul, that's pretty much the main subject of t. I don't get why she'd need to say that but whabever Tels me he waan't that close with his family back home his dad is fucked up with grief and everythings just a mess ie doesn't want to go home because he has nothng there other than remnders, but doesn't want to stay here because of what has pened Does his best to be the usual bi9dck coolguy that he always was, puts on a brave face but f you c h him on his own he's luckn9 merable ite gets in 갠 few fights when we're ot dmkrg ry one who gnestmamy 5hvt gets m edistety fucking amidated none ofths ads everyone on" that he used to do s fighting back tears already guessed, but he starts teling me about how he blames himseffor what 거had pened to his sis have tucking known better >Lterally carrot change his mid anthis shit, looks like he has himse#1uly convinced th this is his taut we talk about old imes laugh a be things actualy seem back to normal for whie Ainight mabe. Let's have one for old tme's sake, ae? Hie eventualily leaves, but before he goes he tells me that 'You've been a good mate from day one mate. Honestly out on a limb rd do fuckin' anything for ya Take t easy lad speti ong tme EB doesn't reply to teats or Cutign place doeant answer B tucking hung himsel is fanly tatoo many things that I don't need thanked every tme fucker

[feelings-n-shitx]

hi. i forgot about this again. surprising, i know. i really wish i hadve remembered to write because i really cant remember anything ive been feeling up until about 2 weeks ago. i just read all of the posts here and it hurts to see. i really forgot how long its been like this, how much pain i was in. everything is a blur, i dont remember what i was like last year, or the year before, or the one before that. i think the constant same-ness just turns everything into one big blob of nothing, side for important things. im still not okay. but then again i am? it’s very confusing. im sure what im experiencing is called ‘maladaptive daydreaming’. i daydream all. of. the. time. all of it, even when i dont want to. i know that it’s a coping mechanism though, that if i didnt have it id be in an awful state. when i come out of it, usually at night, i get all sad and down again. i want to call it depression but i dont know if thatd be right, though from what ive researched it is. i dont wanna be here anymore. i feel so ugly, so untalented, so nothing. i dont wanna kill myself because i dont wanna hurt my family, because i know they love me. especially hannah, i know it would hurt her so bad. i still lash out at them. im cold and mean even though i dont want to be. i want to tell them that i love them, that i care about them, that i appreciate everything they do for me. i picked up guitar some months ago and i can tell that y dad is really trying so hard to teach me, but i cant show my immense appreciation and i dont know why. i wanna die but i cant hurt them. i think im just hoping for a fatal accident. it hurts to know that there is no way out of this, i cant go because itll hurt the people i love and i cant do that.

ive lost faith in my ‘friends’ now. i made a spam instagram account that i spill my feelings into, they follow it but they dont say anything. i have said so clearly that i want to die but not one of them has said anything. out of all of them, i have especially lost hope in ethan. i know he doesnt want me anymore, hasnt for a long time. it started a year or two ago, i talked about it here. he dropped me for weeks at a time because (i think i dont remember well) he got a girlfriend. like okay i get it you need to spend time with your girlfriend but he knew VERY well that he was my only friend, that i wasnt doing good and he still did it. i looked past it though, maybe because i was in denial or because i was too young to understand. they broke up and i dont remember what our friendship was like in that space. then he met another girl, valcee. they werent even dating they were just friends. he knew her for 5 months and then he left me again. that was early 2020. its ay 2021 and it still hasnt changed. he hant messaged me in 28 days, as much as i can remember i think thats a record. even then most of our conversations were started by me. ive messaged him a few times in the past months to vent and even then i can tell he doesnt care. i would understand if he was in a bad spot and didnt want to talk to anybody but i know for a FACT that he talks to valcee almost all of the time. when we talk it is often about her. they talk for literally days on end and stay on call while they sleep, he loses sleep for her too. and what do i get? half assed conversations and “you can get through this ik it 🥺” when i pour my soul out for him. so i know he can keep a conversation if he wants to, that if he cared he would show it. ive decided im not gonna text him anymore.

ive noticed that i struggle to eat. i think it’s more of a physical thing than mental. i can only stomach a bit before i start to gag. im so hungry sometimes but i cant eat and i dont understand why. maybe its because im autistic? i dont know. they dont notice either. when they take my dishes at lunch and there is still 90% of it there they dont seem to notice. same at tea. ill have a snack before bed though. i dont think i have an ED because im not cautious of gaining weight. ive never looked at the calories or avoided eating im fear of gaining weight. i just like.. can’t stomach much? by much i mean like half a plate of food. most of the time i get hungry to the point of pain and not being able to function properly but i still don’t eat. i cant. i don’t know why. it goes away eventually though, and i just feel tired. then i forget that i’m hungry and wait until my next meal. or i’ll eat something very small like a cookie or too and feel full. i don’t know why that is it’s very confusing. i’m hungry as i type this, but i can’t eat. i had a fajita for tea, and then about half of one about an hour ago. if i’m hungry why can’t i eat the whole thing? i don’t get it.

im trying so hard. im trying so ahrd and nothing is happening and i dont undertsnad why. why am i still like this why am i still alone why am i still ugly why am i still broken i dom t get why me what did i do please i just wanna be normal i cant evena be sad normal 

*a couple lines of this were written on 16/05/21 (but at 1am so technically it’s 15/05/21 but the rest was a few days ago but i don’t remember when

[johnradams]

jedams headcannons??

This ask throat punched me because I haven’t thought about Jedams in a long time. Lily and Nicole, I’m so sorry you have to see this.

John’s a real cuddler. I think he at least attempts to big spoon even though he is little spoon sized.

Jefferson is a blanket hog.

Because Thomas is *such* a morning person, he gets John’s morning routine started. I’m thinking like they’re on an extended business trip type situation in this brain child I’m creating rn. So they’re either in a hotel or a shitty apartment type thing. Anyway, Jefferson starts the coffee (& John has to teach how to make strong, proper coffee) but he’s not much of a coffee drinker. He doesn’t cook. Neither of them really can cook, John does a little but nothing spectacular.

We’re going with this isn’t an infidelity situation just so I can enjoy this post.

Thomas is ofc autistic and he knows this but he doesn’t really *do* anything about it. He’s ‘high functioning’ (Ik ik icky term, I’m sorry!) enough that he doesn’t need a lot of accomadations so he just doesn’t make any for himself and suffers needlessly. John notices because you notice these things living with a person and I feel him being quite tender about it (when he’s not tender about much else, esp since I picture this starting with their relationship). Jefferson isn’t used to receiving support like that and it’s a nice change.

Also I’d like to talk about what I like to call The Jefferson Spiral. What in this universe poisons him as person and creates asshole supreme? Idk yet. I might not even touch this au ever again but I hope this is what you wanted anon.