#ik its less of a love for him and more of what could have been but man. rationalizing doesnt make me feel rational

[patron-saint-of-emesis]

its like im a sailor and i hear the most beautiful voice in the world. i follow it to a siren who looks demonic and hungry, so i sail away. but then i hear the beautiful voice again and surely THIS TIME it won’t be an evil creature who wants to devour me. so i sail back and the hungry siren is still waiting. so i sail away. but get this. i’m hearing the voice again

[hxney-lemcn]

Jealousy is a Bitter Look — Overblots x gn! reader

summery: how the overblots react to being jealous (some are a bit more jealous than others, but they all have their moment).

tw: unhealthy attachments (Malleus, but he's working on it). ngl this shows a bit of their flaws so its not complete fluff and a bit of a character study.

a/n: so I can't make a fluffy/cute jealous fic cus I find jealousy an emotion to work on? Like its not terrible to be jealous, it happens to the best of us, I just don't wanna romanticize it? 'Cus if left unchecked it can lead to toxic relationships so that's why I wrote this in a more uplifting manner (?). Idk, I'm weird ik.

wc: 1.5k (~200 per character)

Master List

❥ Riddle Rosehearts

Riddle tried not to get jealous. He trusted you wholly. But sometimes his insecurities got the best of him. Cater was more affectionate, did you wish he were more affectionate like that? Trey was kind, did you wish he would give you more? Ace and Deuce were stupid, but it was undeniable how well you got along, did you wish he were more carefree? Those feelings would tug at his heart, but it was something he needed to work on himself, it wasn’t your problem. That’s what he kept repeating in his mind as he watched you have fun with your friends. Lips downturned hidden behind a teacup, ocean grey eyes sharply watching the scene before him. He thought he was hiding it better, but it was clear to you with how he pouted. Excusing yourself from Ace and Deuce, you made your way to the ruby haired housewarden. Riddle greeted you, eyes softening and frown lifting slightly. You tell him that he could’ve just told you if he was jealous. Unlike some, he won’t deny it fully, instead explaining his reasoning. Work on it with him, reassure him that you like him for him. If you wanted someone else, you wouldn’t be with him, and he takes that to heart.

❥ Leona Kingscholar

Jealousy is Leona’s middle name. After everything he’s been through, constantly being in second place, never getting what he truly wants…he feels like having you will slip through his fingers as well. Being with you, creating all those happy memories…it scares him. That one day you’ll find someone better and all he’ll have left of you are memories. So yes, he does get jealous, quite easily, and he masks it with his ego. He’s the best, don’t look at anyone else, he’s a prince, why would you settle for less? It’s quite clear that he’s jealous, his tail flicking, ears twitching, the sharp glare. When you confront him he won’t tell you the full truth, that’s a step too far at the moment. Be gentle with him, if someone flirts with you, tell them you have a boyfriend. Leona gets this smug smile and a warmth in his chest. As much as he won’t hesitate to claim you if someone won’t stop their advances, he loves it when you claim him. After all, it shows how much you care for him, how much you want him, and even the big bad lion needs a bit of reassurance.

❥ Azul Ashengrotto

He’s actually quite similar to Leona in this regard. Azul was bullied when he was younger, which led him to having an inferiority complex about almost everything. He is bad at hiding it as well, clearly needing to be reassured that he was doing well and he was a good partner. It was just hard for him to comprehend that someone as amazing as you was actually with someone like him. He loves you so intensely, he can’t help but let his insecurities get the best of him sometimes. He thinks you’d hate his mer form or that someone that could offer you more will swoop you away from him. He wouldn’t even blame you, he’d just be hurt he couldn’t do more for you. (He’s thinking all this even though he would and could offer you the world if you asked). When someone is trying to flirt with you outright he’s trying to mask his insecurity with his suaveness, asking if the person needs anything and if you're uncomfortable he leaves in a small threat about Floyd not being in a good mood (if you’re really uncomfortable he might use Jade as the threat instead). Azul checks in on you, but if you're smiling he might die a bit. Please just reassure him that you only have eyes for him.

❥ Jamil Viper

Unlike Leona and Azul, Jamil doesn’t get that jealous or has an inferiority complex. No. Instead, he knows you wouldn’t go behind his back, after all, you managed to become his partner and that’s a feat in itself. He does get smug when you tell someone off, or politely inform them that you have a boyfriend. Jamil reveals in their look of defeat (he is a bit of a sadist in that regard). The time his jealousy truly shines is when Kalim is in the equation. He refuses to allow Kalim to take anything else from him, never mind you. The way Kalim easily makes you smile, steals your time with frivolous parties, puts his hands on you…yeah it's a feat that Jamil didn’t snap. Jamil is very good at masking his feelings, but the facade unravels when you both are alone for once. Give him your attention, affection, love, reassure him through touch that you want him. If you poke and prod enough he’ll admit he’s jealous, how it just reminds him that Kalim always takes and takes, afraid that you’ll fall for the charm (that Jamil couldn’t understand) of Kalim and fall into his arms instead. But when you soothe him, tell him that you see Kalim more of a brother if anything…Jamil will calm down and realize how foolish he’s being.

❥ Vil Schoenheit

Vil, jealous? Yeah no. Not normally at least. Have you seen him? Vil is one of the fairest of them all. If someone tried flirting with you he’d laugh in their face if that wasn’t disgraceful. If anything, you were the lucky one in this relationship…he does cherish you though, and he loves you more than he’d like to admit. You may be a lucky potato…but he was one lucky man as well. He managed to snag your heart without the flashing lights and fame, you loved him for who he was and he was grateful. So when Vil watches Neige talk to you with no care in the world, hearts practically in the boy’s eyes…yeah it's the one scenario you’ll witness a jealous Vil. He’ll perch himself by your side, arm slung around you as he greets you with a kiss to the cheek. A pleasant surprise as Vil isn’t this affectionate in public usually. Neige doesn’t seem to take the hint, so Vil ups the ante, talking about your last date and how he’s lucky you chose him. It’s an obvious change (and everyone knows the vitriol Vil holds for Neige). You eat the attention up, but after you're alone in his room, give him a ton of kisses, teasing him about how sweet he was, he doesn’t like to admit his jealousy, but he loves your affection.

❥ Idia Shroud

I’m noticing a pattern. Most of these guys have an inferiority complex. Idia’s is the most obvious. He barely believes you actually like him, so him being jealous is more common than not. Depending on how long you’ve been together he’ll react differently. If it's in the beginning, he’s blaming and degrading himself for not being good enough, that you deserve better and he locks himself in his room. He needs a lot of reassurance in this stage, lots of quality time. The longer you are together the more confident he gets. Someone tries to flirt with you; he's dissing them with his chronically online lingo. Doing that little giggle when you elbow him trying not to grin. Although those self-deprecating thoughts still swirl in his brain, he’s learned to trust and believe you, after all you decided to stay with him for how long? Not to mention that your reassurances made him feel better and trust you. You’ve seen his worst multiple times and you’re still by his side. Besides, if anyone dares insults Idia in their attempt to woo you you go crazy, insulting them which makes Idia want to melt, die, and kiss you all at once.

❥ Malleus Draconia

Malleus is a bit confusing. On one hand he 100% trusts you, on the other he can be a bit childish. You spend too much time without him or go out to something he wasn’t invited to and you’ll find him pouting upon your arrival. He doesn’t mean to, he’s glad you have others to have fun with and he doesn’t want to restrict you in any way…but he is a bit needy when it comes to your affection. He is so touch-starved and isolated that he can’t help but cling to you, feeling a bitter pang when you have to go. If anyone dares to flirt with you it's when he isn’t by your side and you're declining them instantly. If someone is actually insane and tries to flirt with you when Malleus is present either 1. Malleus watches on trying to hide his smugness as you decline or 2. Sebek is shouting insults at them before you even get the chance. All in all, Malleus isn’t too jealous, and when he is he tries to work on his possessiveness. He wants a healthy relationship with you after all, and he’d do anything to make you happy, even if that means letting you go for a day to hang out with your other friends.

[algae-tm]

PEOPLE, PLACES, THINGS

Max Verstappen x anthropologist! Reader

Author’s note : this smau has a special place in my heart, if you haven’t noticed I’m not Caucasian, but was born and raised in Nigeria and a lot of my university life has been centred around studies of the black diaspora. My masters research is on homosexuality and Afro-syncretic religions, so have been trying to figure out how to incorporate it so thought I’d go full send and thus this was borne.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

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peopleplacesthings just posted

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peopleplacesthings: I spent three years (give or take) with the people of the Bahia state in Brasil, researching the afro-syncretic religion of Candomblé. My research paper on the gender roles within Candomblé (how men express masculinity, and the role of women as spiritual leaders) will be published online where everyone will be able to access it. Can’t wait to see where the world takes me next!! 🌎🇧🇷

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yourbsfuser: y/n baby I love you and your big brain, but please take a sabbatical 😭. stay in the UK for a while.

— peopleplacesthings: what’s in it for me? 🤨

— yourbsfuser: seeing your family and friends???

— peopleplacesthings: sorry gotta blast, the world is waiting 🏃🏿‍♀️

user10: your masters research on the linguistic appropriation of AAVE was vital for me completing my dissertation! Thank you so much

— peopleplacesthings: passing down knowledge is the key to preserving culture! I love when I get comments like this, well done my love.

lewishamilton: so you’re free now?

— peopleplacesthings: until my next adventure

— lewishamilton: good to know

— user10: not SIR LEWIS HAMILTON in my old TA’s comment section

— user7: IK 😭 she was a guest lecturer at my uni like one month ago! Really my two worlds colliding 😭😭

— user8: how do they know eachother???

— user9: I’m guessing they must have met one of the times Lewis was in Brazil??

— peopleplacesthings: he is my cousin! he’s much older and way less attractive than me so that’s probs why you couldn’t see the family resemblance🙂🙂

yoursisteruser: 2 back to back research papers… you could use a break from work

— peopleplacesthings: it’s not work if you love what you do 🤗🤗

— user17: 2 research papers??? How old is she?

— user19: she’s actually done 3! One for her masters which was only 15,000 words and then 2 more, her 2nd was for her PhD and she’s published her last two as books. She’s 28 if I’m not mistaken. I’m not a stalker just obsessed with her work!

— user17: oh so she’s SMART smart

— user19: bro she’s DOCTORATE OF ANTHROPOLOGY smart

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peopleplacesthings just posted

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peopleplacesthings: I can check getting papped reading in the park off my bucket list… maybe I should start a book club! Anyways everything is a learning opportunity so I am currently reading Nervous Conditions by Tsitsi Dangarembga. Don’t be so surprised that I read fiction! Nervous Conditions is a valuable case study in cultural anthropology due to its rich exploration of themes related to post-colonial identity, gender, and cultural conflict. If you take my post-colonial anthropology module in September, this will definitely be on the further reading list. Come read with me! 📚 📚

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user1: are we sure this is the woman max is dating…

— user3: I was just wondering that, so out of left field 😭 😭

— user4: I mean what do they even have to talk about? She just lectures him all day?

lewishamilton: how can I take your class if I’m not enrolled in the university?? 🤨🤨

— peopleplacesthings: you can’t! Hope this helps

— user5: jeez she’s so rude…

— user9: who does she think she is????

— peopleplacesthings: Dr. Y/n Y/ln that’s who I know I am

user11: so is anthropology all she talks about, or does she have hobbies…

— peopleplacesthings: I happen to think my field of anthropology; the study of societies, people and culture, is quite interesting. But no I am a person I contain multitudes anthropology is not all I talk about.

user6: not y’all invalidating a woman with a literal doctorate just because she MIGHT be dating your fav… pls touch grass

— user13: that’s what I’m saying! If anything she’s WAY out of Max’s league, hasn’t he only ever read like 2 books?? (liked by danielricciardo)

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peopleplacesthings just posted

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peopleplacesthings: We DTR’ed!!

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lewishamilton: DTR?

— peopleplacesthings: Define the Relationship apparently

— lewishamilton: my how the tables have turned, miss I don’t date drivers.

— peopleplacesthings: DR* I don’t date drivers. And what can I say my commitment issues are no match for Max Verstappen

danielricciardo: you’re welcome!

— user4: what could you possible have done

— danielricciardo: I told max to grow some balls that’s what! I’m the architect of this relationship

— peopleplacesthings: you and Lewis can fight over that title

maxverstappen1: WE DTR’ED!!!!

— peopleplacesthings: hell yeah we did!

maxverstappen1: I love you schat ❤️💙

— peopleplacesthings: 🥹 I love you too

you doofus

maxverstappen1 just posted

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maxverstappen1: Did it hurt when you fell from your culture’s dogmatic view of an afterlife?

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peopleplacesthings: I think that’s the sexiest thing anyone has ever said to me

— maxverstappen1: there’s more where that came from

— peopleplacesthings: oh shucks not in public maxie

— danielricciardo: this is the weirdest foreplay I’ve ever witnessed

user14: how did a man that drives in circles manage to bag my anthro professor??

— user16: shouldn’t that be the other way round???

— user14: if you ever attended one of her lectures and saw her in action you would know the answer to that question is absolutely not (liked by maxverstappen1)

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• TAGLIST

@forevercaffeinated-lee

@callsignwidow

@a-beaverhausen

@emryb

@c0deincrazy

@dontworryaboutitokie 

@c-losur3

@chuxk-lerclerk

@silkenthusiasts

@ietss

@sp1rl

[havocskies]

bro pls pls pls pls 🙏 do an NSFW alphabet with hobie ill do anything?!!!

HOBIE BROWN | NSFW ALPHABET

i am losing my self respect day by day.

anyway im also sorry for not posting ive been flirting w this dude for the past few days he is so cute but that will not stop me from writing for yg xoxo

╭──╯ . . . . . ༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶ . . . . . ╰──╮

A = AFTERCARE

- hobie is an absolute GOD at aftercare n i wholeheartedly believe this. especially when he knows he can be a bit much at times, there’s never a time where he skips out on aftercare. i think he would like to just relax, cuddle, and talk for a bit after he cleans you up thoroughly. then probably get a little treat, but he always likes to make sure you actually had fun as well. he’d put all of his attention on you way before he started worrying about himself, you’re always his priority

B = BODY PART

- i think hobie doesn’t have a MAJOR preference for anything but he seems like a thigh kinda guy. doesn’t matter the gender or size, he’s a thigh enthusiast. not always in a nasty way, he also just thinks they’re comfortable and whatnot. wear anything that shows your thighs and he is all for it 🙌

C = CUM

- im sure hobie keeps up w his health and cares for it, so i don’t think he’d taste horrible. he’s considerate guys 😭 idk if he’d really have a preference for where he cums either. probably asks beforehand or just knows what you prefer but if you’ll let him he’ll switch it up for funsies

D = DIRTY SECRET

- hobie doesn’t really keep secrets much, and i don’t think he’d be doing anything vile enough to really have to keep secrets anyway 😭 he’s just a normal dude imo but thoughts wise ?? he’s definitely imagined some things he’s too scared to talk abt im sure (take that how u will)

E = EXPERIENCE

- im sorry ik yg see him as like a sex god manwhore but i cant see it 😞 he’s spiderman he’s a nerd and he’s goofy, like yes he’s hot but he definitely fumbles without knowing the opportunity was even there LMAOO but regardless i think his body count is VERY low if not even zero. that doesn’t mean he’s ignorant, though. he’s figured out enough to know what he’s doing and what to do, he’s considerate and never wants his partner to be left out of thought

F = FAVORITE POSITION

- i can’t really see him having a favorite position i think he would’ve had little to no opinions but the moment yg find one you specifically like a lot he LOVES it. loves anything that makes you react the most, he’s such a pleaser yg cannot convince me of anything different

G = GOOFY

- yg write him to be all serious n i dont like it 🙁 he’s hobie he’s gonna crack a few jokes, especially if he’s nervous or he sees you’re nervous and he wants you to relax. probably jokes about how he’ll try his best not to send you to the hospital or wtv (he is not that confident)

H = HAIR

- hobie probably isn’t always clean shaven so he believes you don’t have to be either. still he’d at least be trimmed just to make things easier and whatnot. just his preference, whatever you do w yours he could not care less. other than that i think if sony was allowed he’d have a happy trail but unfortunately sony are pussies (im kidding)

I = INTIMACY

- i think hobie would prefer intimacy over anything else. he’d see sex as less of a pleasure thing and more of something to be shared when you’re extremely close. i don’t think sex w him would ever be meaningless, he’s always trying to show how much he loves you

J = JACK OFF

- hobie’s probably just an average dude. doesn’t do it too much bc like ?? why would he when he has you. ofc, if you’re not up to it yea he’ll go somewhere or just deal with it, you’re never obligated in his eyes. i just think he’d prefer you over anything else

K = KINK

- he’s gotta be a little freaky. like i say a lot (im sorry) he does joke abt biting, so he probably has some small kinks but i doubt anything serious. maybe at the most a very minor corruption kink, but its only about introducing you to things if you’re entirely willing. something about knowing he’s the one introducing you to it makes him wanna do it more

L = LOCATION

- hobie doesn’t strike me as a very public kinda guy. like maybe on occasion, but it’d have to be somewhere he’s pretty sure yg won’t get caught. i do think he’d prefer in your or his own home though, makes it more intimate and less stressful. he would however joke about fucking near someone yg don’t like out of spite

M = MOTIVATION

- you’d probably have to be actively trying to get him going, sex is never really the first thing on his mind. ofc it can very well happen unintentionally. i think gestures, positions, anything that shows off something ALONG WITH the clear intent will make him realize. maybe. i still wholeheartedly believe he’s pretty oblivious most of the time, he can be wanting it but he won’t realize you’re trying to make him want it. he’s a little dumb bear with him. he also just doesn’t associate revealing clothing with you wanting sex, so you’ll have to find other ways to get him to realize you want him. anyway i think mostly anything that shows off your thighs will get his mind wandering. anything that shows off their shape or just shows them off in general

N = NO

- in no way ever will you get this dude to do cnc (consensual nonconsensual) he gets sometimes its a trauma response but yg also have to remember he’d have to be getting off by pretending to assault you and i just can’t see it. he couldn’t do it, he’d rather try and help you with that trauma in other ways

O = ORAL

- happy to give always 🙌 he sees it as no different than you giving. even so, i don’t think he’d ever ask you for head. he’d see it more as a bonus, not something that’s expected in a relationship. if you’re never comfortable giving or even receiving head he will not be losing sleep whatsoever

P = PACE

- probably likes to switch it up. while i do think most of the stuff he said in his intro were jokes (runway model, inconsistency, labels, etc) i do think he does like to switch things up. he doesn’t like being limited to one thing, he likes to explore a bit and keep you on your toes xoxo

Q = QUICKIE

- hobie doesn’t strike me as someone who cares much for quickies. he’d much rather take his time, show he actually loves you. if both of yg are REALLY struggling then yg are going home, end of story. if you were to suggest a quickie he’d be unsure but he’d be willing to try at least

R = RISK

- hobie’s big risk taker im sure, but sex is a lot different than everything else. it’s a lot deeper and meaningful, so he doesn’t want to risk upsetting you or causing problems. idk if he’d even wanna risk being caught bc that’s just an inconvenience to everyone else 🙁🙁 only if it’s inconveniencing someone neither of you like i suppose

S = STAMINA

- pretty good stamina. not crazy or anything, but he can definitely go for a while. i think he finishes fairly average time but he can go multiple rounds, yk ?? like i said not a sex god guys

T = TOYS

- im sure hobie isn’t against toys at all ☠️ kinda goes back to what i said w introducing you to things. he’ll definitely try anything (as long as it’s humane 😭) and really doesn’t have much shame. take that part how u will.

U = UNFAIR

- hobie definitely likes to tease, no doubt. not all the time ofc but he can be an asshole just for jokes. if you’re genuinely upset he’ll stop. plus i think edging and overstimulating would count as something that deserves to have a conversation over first, not everyone’s completely into that and he knows full well

V = VOLUME

- i don’t think he’d be loud. not a whimperer probably but definitely a groan kinda guy. he has no shame breathing and groaning in your ear if he’s really goin (with you ofc he is)

W = WILD CARD

- switch. i think by default he’s more dom leaning but if you take that position he won’t complain, he thinks it’s hot as hell. would probably let you do almost anything to him 😇

X = X-RAY

- he’s pretty tall guys, it’s not small that’s for sure. i think honestly he’d be around 6-8, anything above is just scary in my full opinion so that’s not what he has ummm. i do think he’d be pretty normal girth. and, ofc, if he is pierced he would’ve done it himself. a stranger handling and piercing your dick is not for the weak im sure

Y = YEARNING

- probably a pretty normal/average drive. he didn’t think much about sex before you so going without it isn’t a problem for him at all. i don’t think he’d be like horny 24/7 around you, most of the time he’s just happy to be around you

Z = Zzz

- like i said w aftercare hobie prefers to stay up with you and spend time. even if it’s late at night he will try his absolute best, he’s not sleeping until he’s sure you’re comfortable and completely cleaned up. unless you like emptied his balls or destroyed him or something, then aftercare is on you i guess 🤕

[kayentokk]

If you can, I have a request for the mha boys reacting to their s/o rejecting their affection. Sorry to bother-

Never a bother, of course I can. Sorry it took me a while to reply. I hope this is what you had in mind.💕

Pairing; Bakugo Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Kirishima Eijiro, and Amajiki Tamaki x GN! Reader(separate)

Contains;absolute fluff, attitudes, baby angst, misunderstandings, a lot of misunderstandings

wc; 2028

A/N; For some of my softie MHA boys lol. 

Rejecting the MHA Boys affection

☆ Bakugo Katsuki ☆

Now-

Ik I said for my softie MHA boys which is why he seems out of place

But you can’t tell me

That this fool 

Won’t have a whole ass attitude 

Cuz you “rejected” his love

I mean seriously

Who do you think you are?

To REJECT

Bakugo “Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight” Katsukis hug

Huh?

🤨

Just who?

I mean sure he didn’t really hug you-

He just stood there waiting

And waiting

Expectantly

Because you always hug him when he comes back from an assignment 

I mean he just can’t believe you

It’s outrageous that you would even do that to him 

So he sulks 

And sulks

And sulks some more

I mean he doesn’t get why you couldn’t just hug him back

I mean yeah sure you were doing a assignment for your art class

And yeah sure you had charcoal and ink all over your hands 

But you coulda hugged him back 😒 

☆ “Kats-“

“No it’s fine.”

“Are you really gonna pout the whole time?”

“M’not poutin.”

“Oh yeah? So why’s your lip poked out? Why are you slouched more than normal? How come you’re quiet in an awkward way? Why’s your right eyebrow slightly more furrowed than the left is normally? Do you want me to go on?”

“No. I told you m’fine,” he says unfurrowing his eyebrow, sticking his lip back in, and sitting up.

Goodness, why do you have to know everything about him?

“Do you really want me to hug you with ink and charcoal all over? You want me to smother you while I smell and-“

“No I don’t. Told ya I wasn’t waiting for a hug.”

“Then what were you waiting for?”

“….”

Silence.

“Alright fine I was trying to be nice since I’m all messy, but since you wanna be stubborn you’re asking for it,” you replied getting up from your chair and pouncing on him.

“Hey get’offa me, said I ain’t want your hugs-“

“Oh shut up ya big baby.”

And he does, Bakugo Katsuki, shuts up. Even though the strong scent of the charcoals you use to draw is still on you, and the wet clay underneath your nails had made its way onto his black tee and the tips of his hair, he could care less. 

In fact, he could stay like this forever. ☆ 

 ☆ Midoriya Izuku ☆ 

okay he genuinely thinks he did something wrong

Like omg what’d I do?

The definition of a lost puppy 

Immediately goes to self doubt

He went to kiss you

And you dodged

What????

Confidence?

down the drain.

Whole day?

ruined.

Has like a cloud of thunder and rain above his head while he’s trying to figure it out

He mentally replays the day

Digging through his brain

He is wrecking it 

Until ur just like 

Dude 

It wasn’t like that/it was a accident 

Misunderstandings much?

You hafta reassure him so much after

☆ It had been such a long day for him. Mentally and physically draining. What more could he possible want in life than to hang out with you? Nothing, he thought. 

However when he came to greet you, like he normally does, and he leaned in to kiss you on the lips, like he normally does, you dodged. His soft, and oh so ready lips, were met with your cheek. 

…..

Your cheeks are great too! Don’t get him wrong, but…were you upset with him? Had he done something to offend you? 

He mentally sighed, scraping through his brain to find something, anything. Wracking the shelves of his mind. Well to be honest, he hadn’t really seen much of you today because you were both busy-

Was that why? Did you not want to kiss him because of that? He should’ve taken some time out of his day to text or call you, and maybe you wouldn’t be so upset, right? He had a lunch break for like 20 minutes, he could’ve checked in you then. Instead he chose to eat his lunch like the selfish, sick, bastar-

“Izu?”

“Huh?” He questioned, quickly snapping out of his thoughts. 

“Izu, you okay? You seemed a little lost there for a moment..”

“Did I do something wrong?”

“What? No baby, why?”

“You- you dodged my kiss…”

“Were you like totally zoned out the whole time I was talking after that?”

“Kinda,” he said embarrassed.

“Silly, I said I was leaning in to kiss your cheek, sorry. I even pecked you back on the lips after, you don’t remember any of that?”

“N-no?! I’m sorry…”

You exhaled, “It seems you’re too exhausted today huh? Let’s go take a bath, yeah?”

He happily agreed, and was in utter bliss at you taking care of him the rest of the night. Gentle head pats were shared, sweet nothings whispered in the dead of night, and finally, peace hit when he fell asleep in your arms. ☆

☆ Kirishima Eijiro ☆

Lowkey breaks down into a very “manly” mess

Kirishima is a big affection guy

The best way he can fix things or lighten the mood is

Hugs

High fives

And that’s always worked for him

So when he can’t really do that

…he’s at a loss

Words? He can be good at words…kinda?

He’s just not very sure 

He’s more of a physical affection 

So one day when you’re hanging out

He can tell your mood is off

That’s one thing he’s gotten really good at is reading you

You’re upset

so ofc he tries to give you a hug 

But you decline not wanting that

Ofc this is about you and he’s still gonna try his best

It just made him sad to think that that’s the only way he knew how to help you

…yet it doesn’t always work

☆ Honestly, you were just upset today. Things weren’t going the way that they were supposed to. Granted, they were small things but they still bothered you. Eventually building up to your soured mood. 

You’d tried talking to “friends” about it, but we’re just given responses like, “Do you know how minor that is compared to my day?” Or, “Don’t focus on the negative,” and the most common, “Why are you being so selfish?” 

After those you just gave up and tried to get through your day. Trying to get back in the excited mood because you were supposed to hang out with Kirishima today. So everything would be fine shortly, or at least that’s what you thought.

He showed up at your apartment to just watch movies, and you figured it would be okay. However, as the movie went on you found yourself not able to pay attention. Kirishima noticed this as well and immediately asked what was wrong. When you brushed it off with a “nothing,” he knew it wasn’t nothing. 

Normally cuddles always brought you out of your saddened state, at least a little. So he wraps his arms around you in a warm hug and tries to snuggle close. This simple but oh so caring act of affection was not able to bring you out of your mood, in fact it almost worsened. You nudged him off with the excuse that it was “too hot.”

Oh, he thought. 

You were really upset, and there was nothing he could do. The only thing he could do, the only thing he knew he excelled at in life, couldn’t help. So why was he even here? It made him feel useless, and stupid. 

Quickly realizing that his mood had changed, you started to feel bad. Gosh why couldn’t you just stop being so selfish? 

“Sorry,” he quickly stated before you could.

“What are you sorry for? I-I should be the one who’s sorry..”

“No I,” he sighed deeply, “I don’t know how to comfort you, and there’s nothing I can do to help so I’m basically use-“

You cut him off with a peck on his forehead.

“Wh-what are you-“

“Just you being here is helpful to me Eiji. I was just having a rough day today, okay? It’s not your fault.”

“But still I should be able to comfort you…”

“Well, I could seriously use someone to vent to,” his eyes lit up at that, “as long as you don’t interrupt me to say how much harder your day was, or tell me how negative and selfish I’m being.”

His eyebrows crinkled downward and his whole face shifted into a frown, “why would I do that?”

“Long story babe.”

“Well good thing I’m here to listen.”

Now he has a new way he can comfort you, and he’s an expert at listening as well. ☆

☆ Amajiki Tamaki ☆

Okay legit the definition of an awkward misunderstanding 

Even though his natural personality is shy and timid or quiet

He’s more comfortable around you 

But that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t get stuck sometimes

Like he’s gonna do something 

And then bam

Nvm 😅 🫠

He’s so disappointed with himself

He built it up and was so ready

So he just accepts it

This time though you don’t beat him to it

In fact you don’t do it at all

It causes him to think something is wrong

But you had noticed his frustration lately with something

After noticing it was his courage you decided you’d let him greet you today

So he builds himself up

Even stands in front of you 

While you wait patiently 

And then

He just gives a stammered out never mind and a defeated sigh

Because what if you don’t even want to hug or kiss him anyway?

☆ Tamaki comes home everyday, to your shared apartment, and everyday you’re the first person he sees. He always finds you where ever you are, normally in your study, and you hug and kiss him. Then there in the room you guys talk about your days and unwind, mostly him listening to you. 

Recently though, you had noticed him being more frustrated? You weren’t sure what if was but it was always after you hugged and kissed him, you could tell because his brow would slightly furrow and his lips would poke out in a pout. You weren’t sure why though, did your breath stink? No. Were you hugging him too tight? No Tamaki loves your hugs. So what could it be?

You called up the person who knows him second best, his closest friend, a friend of yours as well since you’ve started dating Tamaki. Mirio. You figured Tamaki might have said something to him even if it was just a mumbling her overheard, and you figured correctly. 

Mirio told you he had only heard Tamaki mumbling about courage and greetings recently, which was enough for you to put two and two together. You thanked him for his helpful information and waited on Tamaki to arrive home. It was his early shift today so at about 7 he’d be home.

You waited this time, in the living room. This time when he came in you simply gave him a, “hey ‘tama” and he greeted you back coming to sit on the couch with you. For a moment he stared, waiting, almost expectantly. 

He was building himself up, and you were giving him time. It wasn’t awkward silence, just expecting, patient silence. After a couple minutes you were about to speak when he kissed you. 

I did it! Was all he could think of, but he was a bit harsh and one of his teeth bit your lip causing you to break the kiss. 

Oh no, what if I was right? She didn’t want to kiss me at all! I should’ve just gave up-

“Tamaki? Are you okay?”

“I-I’m…I’m sorry,” he said in a hushed tone.

“It’s okay, accidents happen.”

“A-accident?” He said confused.

“Yes, I’m assuming you didn’t bite me on purpose,” you said giggling.

Then it clicked in his brain, he was so excited he had finally done it, he accidentally hurt you in the process. It made him sad, a sullen look now appeared over his features. 

“I’m sorry. I- I just really wanted t-to-“

“I know Tama, and it’s okay,” you reassured him, “you can just keep trying.”

Smiling he asked hopefully, “really?”

“Of course.” ☆

Hope this fulfilled your request!  @/cafekitsune for the divider

[sleepsacked]

jeong yunho nsfw a-z

18+ mdni!!!!!

it has been a while since i've done one of these, catching up on the members for this in lieu of waiting for my san fic to upload later tn xo

p.p.s will be doing these in age order so mr. yeosang will be next :3

2024 © sleepsacked

a ⋆ aftercare (how he is after sex)

i think yunho is more so the type to be pretty basic with the aftercare like jus clean you both right up and cuddle for the rest of the time you guys have together, he seems like he'd be a reallllll sleepy guy and hear me out...,, Little Spoon Yunho. okok hear me out again.... Little Spoon Yunho.... who Loves. Back rubs from you OHHHHH too good

b ⋆ body part (his favorite body part)

thighs. 1000000% thighs. Loves the squishy, smooth, softness of them all, loves to use yours as a pillow and loves to kiss and suck on them every chance he gets when he's going down on you.

c ⋆ cum (anything to do with cum)

it wouldn't be very often like GENUINELY. would not be very often.... but when you did indulge in him... he'd love to come on your face... IT WOULDN'T BE OFTEN...... but man would he love seeing your face filthy with him after going down on him...

d ⋆ dirty secret (his dirty secret)

Voyeurism. That's it. I won't even elaborate. Voyeurism.

e ⋆ experience (how experienced is he?)

i think had i wrote this in 2022 with my hj and hwa ones, i'd say not a lot of experience, but in 2024... i think he's definitely gad his fair share of hookups jus... hasn't been able to really experiment because they've all been quickies more or less

f ⋆ fav position (sex position)

you know what, i was gonna say smth like doggy or cowgirl whatever right... but then i thought abt that one svt woozi tweet where it said smth abt spanish guitar (the sex position) and suddenly. Yunho. 100000% Fav position. Spanish Guitar. LOL..

g ⋆ goofy (how he acts in the moment)

i don't think he's necessarily goofy but he is more so clumsy... def gives off big pup energy?-?????? just wants to treat you good but stumbles over himself and gets clumsy

h ⋆ hair (how groomed is he?)

honestly, i have a feeling he wouldn't be that groomed like hairless type groom but would jus be trimmed up fs

i ⋆ intimacy (how passionate is he?)

the way he displays his passion is through his dominance lol he feels best when he's got you all to himself and can feel that you're mind is only consumed with him, it drives him INSANEEEE

j ⋆ jack off (how often he masturbates)

i feel like this is where it gets crazy for him, cuz i dont think he'd necessarily masturbate 24/7 but he'd definitely like to edge himself to the thought of you and wait as long as he needed until you guys met up so he could empty himself in you entirely 100000000000000000000%

k ⋆ kink (one or more)

size size size ik this is sooooo overplayed with yunho but its literalllllllllllllllly so true would love fucking you in missionary but having you soooo close almost laying most of his weight on you as he fucks into you wooooo loves feeling you press up against him when he's like that too

l ⋆ location (fav place to do it)

feel like he'd love to do it anywhere in your home, the kitchen, the living room, on the table, etc. but apart from there i think he'd definitely be into car sex 100%

m ⋆ motivation (what keeps him going)

loves when you send him audios of you touching yourself when he's away on schedules, literally drives him madddddd he will edge himself as long as he can listening to you bring yourself to your orgasm thinking abt him oh geez

o ⋆ oral (giving + receiving — is he good?)

he doesn't give munch material LOL... doesn't mind giving head but definitely would rather just fuck you instead.. he does like receiving though

p ⋆ pace (fast and rough? slow and sensual?)

truthfully, his vibe isn't necessarily fast ?? more like deep strokes but rough strokes-????-???? and once he found that perfect spot in you, only then would he go faster yup yup

q ⋆ quickie (his opinion on it + how often they happen)

because he seems like the type to enjoy car sex, i could 100% see him enjoying quickies. i think in the beginning of a relationship where its in the honeymoon/affectionate phase, he would soooooo want to have you at all times

r ⋆ risks (is he willing to experiment, does he take risks, etc.)

i think like seonghwa.. would experiment some, but pretty vanilla things and things that are more dom/sub power dynamic related >> can’t see him being like “yes babe im SO down to peg :D!!” LOL

s ⋆ stamina (how long can he last?)

average stamina ?? LOL only cause with him foreplay would begin from the moment you both wake up and continue thru out the way and then finally when there is a moment to finally unwind together it would be everything all at once

t ⋆ toys (does he use/own any?)

Yes. toys are not his Enemy but His Support. but unlike seonghwa, toys would be his support in helping tease and torture you lol. oh you touched yourself when he said not to??? vibrator to the clit until you're shaking and crying actually matter of fact i think now... yunho would have a slight dacryphilia kink hellllooooooo

u ⋆ unfair (how much does he tease?)

he doesn't like to tease much, he's more so the type to jus put you in your place from the jump no questions asked

v ⋆ volume (how loud is he + what noises does he make?)

groaner 100000% and knows it drives you wild when he makes all types of noises just for you

w ⋆ wild card (random headcanon for him)

panties. Just. Panties... Loves them... A lot.

x ⋆ x-ray (what’s under his clothes?)

a little bigger than average but definitely got some girth one him... definitely a prettier one to look at

y ⋆ yearning (how high is his sex drive?)

his sex drive would be subjective to how high yours is, if its high, he can match that, if its not, he can match that and lean more into romantic/emotional intimacy and taking care of your needs on that higher level more than physical needs (this isn't including pda though however)

z ⋆ zzz (how quickly does he sleep after?)

this one is a eepy guy for sure lol likes to chat with you a little but mostly just cuddle and lay kisses all over your chest and face before ultimately falling asleep with his head on your chest - dont let the rest of the guys find out he likes to be little spoon though he will definitely be embarassed for days, maybe even weeeeeeeks

[luci4theminorannoyance]

heyyy!! you may or may not see this so i might send it again but i actually have a self aware idea that i kinda wanna write myself too but i wanna see how you make it:

self aware kreuger and keegan who’s like in love with us or something and we’re like a commentary youtuber who does videos on icebergs, deep dives into video games or controversial/problematic things

HELP ik this is confusing so here are some examples

(i love both of these youtubers to death btw go subscribe to them they make fire videos)

and call of duty happened to be what we were gonna be covering in our video and we were gonna talk about it’s history, the problematic parts of the fandom, cosplaying on social media, and what cod became today and all that jazz

again i might resend just incase you dont see it but you dont have to do this !! i also plan on writing my interpretation of this and stuff so watch out for that hehe x

i saw this as romantic and gn reader would be great but its up to you !!

a/n: woah this is a super cool idea!!! I am not truly equipped to do all of this but I’ll see if I can make it live up to such a cool concept 🥲

Keegan:

-Keegan had watched you for months, from the screen as you sat on the loading selection page, or while you deeply dived into little bits of characters or chats or simply played to take notes… it was cute, watching you work so hard on something

-luckily for him, you recorded it in the same room too and it gave him an awful lot of information on his ‘world’ or at least what he was to your point of view and how others viewed everything about his life, other people, and anything related

-it was hard to accept of course, but Keegan didn’t shatter under the weighing pressure that his world wasn’t fully real. As he had you now. And that was more then enough for him

-he’d voice specific lines about lore you would otherwise have to Google for hours, diving into files you couldn’t reach and finding out what you had been oh so stressed about the night before while going through nitty gritty details

-he felt his blood boil just a tiny bit every time he heard you replaying videos of less then correct interpretations of himself, or of some cosplayer making him a man he wasn’t. It was nice attention though, he couldn’t deny that.

-oh he couldn’t wait to tell you all about what you wanted to know, or to hear about you for once… he wanted to know so badly what your favorite color was or why you do videos, but he could wait a bit longer to tell you, hopefully

Krueger:

-LOVES hearing your voice when you film, when you talk, when you sigh over new drama to cover or giggle when you get some traction on a post, since it means the very world to him

-he’s slightly scared you’ll set down the game as soon as your done with the video on Call of Duty. He doesn’t want to be alone again, not after he’s come to the conclusion of his life not being real

-what if you set down the game and don’t come back? What if you give up on the video? What if it doesn’t do well so you don’t post about call of duty again and you forget all about him

-makes him scared and antsy to tell you, to signal you that he’s there. That he’s alive or at least as alive as pixels can be

-he wants to hold you and squeeze you and tell you all the things you spend time researching or chuckle with you and having you hear him properly

-at least he’s figured out some semblance of a quick way to get to the internet, and he plays your videos on repeat, time after time to hear your voice and to see your smile

[saturnxlust]

HEYYY :P ik its been awhile my bad😔

Injured!Proxys+ben x Doctor! Reader

Tim Wright/ Masky

So this man is closed off, all of the proxys are😞

But hes not a idiot, he knows when his body has had enough and when he needs help

The only way you’d be able to help him is if its a severe wound or if your close with him

Im talking at least 2+ years of either dating or being friends..

Lucky you if you’ve made it this long!

Now actually helping him is difficult

Hes stubborn and doesnt like to admit hes in pain so when you stitch his sorry ass up or disinfect it, he winces but swears hes fine

Hes not fine

He also complains the entire time about how he could do it himself

Knowing full well he couldnt he just likes to be a pain in the ass

Brian Thomas/hoodie

Hes more lenient, he’ll let you help him even though we all know this man could do it himself

It wouldnt be good but as long as he isnt bleeding out he doesnt really care

Although hes the more lenient one hes still closed off and it takes atleast a year or more to be able to help him

The first time you actually clean up a wound he falls deeper in love

Its not covered in dried blood or anything!

Hes amazed at how gentle you were and found it cute if you were concerned about him

It gets to the point where he would make small bruises or cuts just to have you put a little bandaid on his finger or put pain cream on his bruise

He would totally make you kiss the bandages after, no matter how big or small😭

He has dinosaur bandaids and unicorn bandaids.

Toby Rogers

Oh boy buckle up

So he cant feel pain

Good luck☺️

He doesnt know hes hurt and most likely you wont either

If you somehow get him to wash his fuckass sweatshirt and seem to see a wound, he too, would be confused and surprised

He would find how concerned you were funny and laugh as you clean him up

If you yelled at him while he laughed he’d tell you to relax and that hes fine

Hes not fine

Like brian he would make small cuts and or bruises to have you patch him up

Back tracking a little, it would take a few months but not because hes closed off

He trusts you completely to not hurt him physically

It was just getting to see him without his sweatshirt on that was difficult

He keeps that thing on all the time no way your getting a peak at his scrawny ass unless you rip that sweatshirt off him or if you get…spicy.. with him..

Eyeless Jack

HAH

Good luck

He went to medical school

This man knows what hes doing

But like the others finds it funny that you want to help him

He doesnt need it but honestly

Hes too smart to get too badly injured, if he does it’s because he went awhile wothout eating and became reckless

I think that if he were to go more then a fee weeks without eating he would get reckless with how he got the kidneys

He wouldnt leave the victims alive and leave them in their bed naked with incisions on their stomach

When that happens he usually comes home with a bruise or scratches from the victims fighting back,

If you’ve gotten to the point that you know about that and accept it, not only will you be helping clean him up

You’d help clean his clothes up

Hes a clean guy dont get me wrong but after eating i think he would just need to sleep

And if your like me theres no way that 7’ tall demon is getting in my bed soaked in blood and possible guts ☺️

Jeffery Hodek

God i wish you luck if your with this man

He will let his wounds get infected for fun and he will enjoy it when you get upset (COUGH COUGH MOUTH CUTS COUGH)

He honestly couldnt care less and again, finds it amusing when you yell at him

Lets be honest his story is written awful so im gonna tweak it a litte

He did not get bleached, there was a explosion and some of his hair burnt off, it has since grown back a little but the burn scars are still there

So if you want to help him clean his mouth he’ll complain and tease you and taunt you but he’ll let you do it

..if you even want to after all that.😒

Benjamin Lawman

So he can’t actually get hurt…i mean unless hes like a zombie but he isnt, this guys a ghost

So i mean, unless he has some power to be human magically theres really nothing that can hurt him

Even you..

But you should find a way to hurt him, whether it be physical or emotional causr hes a jackass

And will make fun of you just to see you cry😒

Either bring up something from his past(he might get a little angry at that🥰) or threaten to throw him into a lake

You can’t actually throw him but..he..doesnt need to know that😇

[yesimwriting]

hello! I was hoping for a Joel miller imagine where the reader gets hit on in a bar when she’s dating Joel and he sees this and confronts the guy and hits him because he’s aggressive and is all protective over the reader!

I love your writing and this would be amazing thank you xx

A/n first joel request,, slay

update: watched the new episode, bill and frank, still crying 

i feel like this gives post outbreak joel a little more bc of the physical protectiveness,, but i can't remember if there's much/any descriptions of like literal bars in the QZ,, i've only watched the show and i don't remember seeing details,, like ik there's alc/pills available, but actual bars??

idk it's possible i've missed it or forgot bc i have terrible memory

so enjoy my 'makeshift' bar concept as i try my best to deviate from canon as much as possible

not to shamelessly self promo,, but if you like this fic i have another joel fic with what i feel like is a more developed version of this dynamic (bc it’s longer and more internal monologue centered) here and i’m making a part 2 for it so if you like these vibes and want something similar, it’s there, it exists :) 

----

You're staring again, and trying your hardest to convince yourself that you're not. It's more than pointless, it's bordering on ridiculous.

Joel Miller is not some fleeting crush that’d fit somebody in grade school better than it’d fit you. Not anymore. You know what you are. You've had a talk. The kind of talk that you didn't think existed anymore in this world.

It wasn't exactly the rom-com 'what are we', but after a man Joel was dealing with got a little too friendly, it led to an argument. One you didn't fully understand, especially since Tess practically lived by his side.

Don't pretend, you might come off as all innocent, but you're too smart to be that naive. Men like that only have one intention.

And that had rightfully infuriated you, because after weeks of lingering touches that could be justified with a few words but never were and all the goddamn looks, he had no right to lecture you about another man's intentions with you. His intentions don't matter because that has no affect on me and who I am. Why the fuck does it even matter?

Why does it matter? It had been this subtle scoff of a response that made you take a step back. That made your back brush against the wall of his apartment. Because I don't want other men like that lookin' at you, let alone speaking to you.

The world stopped spinning on its axis and all the air preparing to leave your lungs was trapped with no where to go. Too many implications. 'Other men like that', the inclusion of himself in men that had those intentions. Maybe even more importantly, the implication that he’s some sort of exception.

 Even more deafening, your response: Well maybe I wouldn't speak to them if you didn't entertain ev--

The rest of your sentence, whatever it would have been, was lost to his mouth on yours. A snapping of tension that took its time fizzling down to something less consuming. Something that allowed you both to talk enough to make it clear that Joel was yours and you were his.

It wasn't a magical snapping into place like it might have been in a world without the outbreak. In some ways, it added a new layer of hesitance, and in other ways it propelled you forward. There are growing pains with anything new, and the whole relationship thing is definitely new to you. Especially in this world.

If only you could get past staring. Maybe after Joel secures the whiskey-bourbon-hybrid whatever they're passing as alcohol these days from a less than trustworthy trading contact, you'll get buzzed enough to graduate to handholding, or at the very least, you'll be able to do something besides sit there.

You're starting to feel insane. How is making out easier than the small things? Maybe the setting is more at fault here than you. In the outside world, any form of attachment could easily be twisted into weakness. It’s likely best that you keep some distance from Joel here, especially with the way other men keep looking over at the two of you. 

It’s not like you’re never awkward about the little things when confined safely between the walls of Joel’s place, that’s slowly but surely starting to feel like it’s at least partially yours, as well. But the way you get in public is something else entirely. It’s probably for the best. There are already too many eyes on you. 

Like the guy with red hair that glints oddly in the yellow light of the stranger’s building. He’s swaying slightly, a dark looking glass in his hand that he’s yet to release in the entire time you’ve been here. Every time one of his friends leaves him, his gaze returns to yours. 

Your skin crawls each time, but you keep your expression as stoic as possible. Joel’s getting better at trusting you, better at letting you serve as a sort of backup in the way that Tess usually would. You know that if it came down to it, the man that keeps looking at you wouldn’t be an actual issue, and you know Tess wouldn’t let it get to her. 

Ugh. Another thing you want to get yourself to stop doing. Comparison. It’s ugly and so insignificant. Tess didn’t exactly welcome you with open arms when you first showed up, but you get that. And eventually she warmed a little. You think she’d still trade you for a few ration cards, but she doesn’t hate you. She’s, at the very least, no longer skeptical of you. The other day you caught her hiding a smile over a joke you made.

But it’s hard not to compare. They were the closest thing either of them had to a support system for years before you showed up, and you know that they’ve been together casually. Always casual. Joel stressed that part, but that doesn’t mean it’s an easy thing to know, especially now. 

You bury the thoughts the way you often do and turn your attention back to Joel. Back to staring. At least you’re consistent.

A man peaks out of the closet that seems to be the source of all the alcohol. He gestures vaguely in your direction. “That’s us,” Joel says, voice flat, “Wait here, I’ll be back.” 

Nodding as if to dismiss your own thoughts, you beg your mind to not create imaginary problems by reading into him telling you to stay. He’s walking a few feet away to get some boxes, it’s not the rejection insecurity is making it out to be. “I’ll hold down the fort, keep away trouble.” 

Joel blinks, turning his head in your direction briefly. The corner of his mouth turns up slightly, which is more of a reaction than he likes to give when in these kinds of places. He shifts his hand casually, his fingers brushing against yours briefly as he stands. The gesture is small but immediately dislodges the lump in your chest. 

“I’ll believe it when I see it.” It’s little more than a whisper, but there’s something hidden beneath the roughness of his tone. A pinch of lighthearted humor that’s only visible to you. 

It eases you even further. Joel turns away, moving behind the long table serving as a sort of bar counter. You tap your fingers against the surface without much thought, taking a second to absorb the easiness of it all. It’s rare that getting anything require so little. You don’t think anything’s ever come as easy as sitting on an uncomfortable bar stool. 

“So...” You blink, posture straightening as your eyes flit to the source of the sound. “Guard dog finally left you alone, princess?” 

Okay. Ew. Of course it’s the guy that’s been staring you down since you first sat down. You have to fight to not let your nose wrinkle. There’s no good in reacting, in escalating the situation. “Not a guard dog.” 

You hope that it’ll be enough to show that you’re not interested. “Aw, not feelin’ too friendly, baby.” Ew. You’re torn between cussing him out or actually punching him. Neither is an actual option. Places like these are a minefield and you refuse to be the one to set off a series of explosions. “Maybe you’ll cheer up after a drink, could get you one.” 

Turning your head, you take a breath before replying. “I have enough friends.” The stranger is clearly apart of a group. You don’t know if you could call them all friends, you’re not sure there’s enough casual trust in the world left for genuine friend groups. But they’re at least acquaintances, or work associates, or maybe they met here, equally inebriated enough to accept each other. It doesn’t matter, the point is they were chatting up a storm before he decided to wander over here and bother you. “And it looks like you do, too.” 

“Fine,” he relents too quickly, “Let’s not be friends, then.” His hand shoots forward, landing firmly--and disgustingly--on your waist. “Let’s be something else.” 

You’re unsure if you’re more repulsed by his hand on you or how terrible that line was. Your own hand clasps his, pushing and pulling in an attempt to create a space. He’s relentless, even when your nails start clawing at him. “If you want to keep your hand, I suggest getting off of me.” 

He blinks at your threat and then grins, flashing a smile that’s missing teeth. And then he laughs. A cold chuckle that makes its way beneath your skin. “God, I like them feisty.” 

Shoving your fingers under his, you manage to pry him off of you. Your foot moves, heels smashing into his toes as subtly as possible. “And I like them when they know how to fuck off.” 

His smile broadens, a cynical undertone to the look that makes it worse than before. “Oh, darling,” his hand finds your arm, tugging you forward, “You’re gonna pay for that.” 

“Pay for what?” Relief washes through you before you’ve even fully registered the familiar, even timber of Joel’s voice. He’s speaking in a lower tone than usual, an icy rage that you can feel in your bones and it’s not even directed at you. “Touching what’s not yours, ‘cause you’re the only one doing that.” 

There’s probably something you should say. A subtle warning to not go beyond scaring off the man that is clearly incapable of respecting a woman’s autonomy outside of another man’s claim over her. To not take it too far because it’s not worth it. Because you have it under control. Relatively.

Instead, you’re silent as the man releases you. He takes his time assessing Joel. The stranger is physically smaller and Joel does have that edge that only comes from someone that’s lost enough to be dangerous to anyone threatening what’s left. 

The man holds his hands up in defense, his glass sitting precariously between his thumb and pointer finger. “Easy, man.” You don’t even have to look at Joel to know that that was the wrong thing to say. “I didn’t mean any harm, if you set the price right, I’d be--” 

The rest of the proposition is taken care of by Joel’s fist connecting with the man’s jaw. You hear the audible crack before your mind can make the connection between Joel’s quick movement and the man’s silence. 

Holy shit. Joel didn’t just throw a punch, he threw a punch meant to shatter bone. He barely glances at you, and you’re too focused on the fact that Joel’s standing there, completely fine like he didn’t exert enough force to knock over a grown man. You blink as Joel extends the arm he’s been using to hold the small case. 

You’re too shocked to do more than take the box. The implication of why he’d hand you the box while still standing there doesn’t settle until Joel’s throwing another punch. Each hit is more committed than the last, even when the stranger’s knees give in and he collapses. 

Yeah, there’s definitely something you should say. Now. Like right now. You’d never ask him to hit anybody once, let alone do whatever he’s doing now. But words like ‘stop’ and ‘okay, think he gets it’ all jam themselves so far down your throat, you wouldn’t be able to pry them out with a wrench. 

All you can do is watch. It’s the kind of morbid fascination that reminds you of what it felt like to drive a little slower when passing a car wreck. You’re rooted in place by a realization that’s always been there at the back of your mind, an implied awareness. Joel’s more than just prone to violence when he needs to be. He’s angry. 

It should scare you. Terrify you. Your stillness should be some byproduct of that. But it’s not. Joe’s not a danger to you, he’s a danger for you. 

It’s a level of protectiveness you never thought you’d experience. Your chest feels warm. You hope you’re not messed up enough to consider this some grand display of love. However, there’s a vulnerability in the violence you can’t deny. You’re in a public place, the kind of morally questionable people that are far from above exploiting vulnerability. And yet here he is, announcing an undeniable attachment. 

Joel finishes, chest heaving and hands still curled into fists. The low light makes the thin layer of sweat on his skin seem like he’s practically glowing. His knuckles are already evidently split and swirling in distinct shades of blue and red. You’re mesmerized. 

“You can’t do that shit here.” 

That’s it. The only reprimand. In the world of before, he would have gotten the cops called on him. He would have gone to jail. 

Joel looks up, mumbles something under his breath that sounds suspiciously close to fuck off. He then looks at you, gestures with a tilt of his head for you to follow, and walks forward. 

You try not to think of what it must look like when you follow, quickening your steps to get closer to him after you’re out of focus. When you reach the door, Joel pulls it open with one hand and reaches for your fingers with the other. 

----

The way your eyebrows draw together when you’re examining an injury is different than the way they pull together for anything else. It’s too focused to be concerned and too concerned to be focused. 

Joel could stare at that expression for longer than he’d ever admit to. He could concentrate on that little line above your forehead and forget about everything else. “I’m fine,” he mutters, knowing that there’s no real point. You’ll do what you’re going to do when it comes to these kinds of things.

You nod absentmindedly, another small sign that you’re not as here as you normally odd. “It’d be awfully sad if you died of something as small as non-fungal infection.” 

He swallows, minding that look behind your eye. Things are still normal, you’ve yet to show any sign of rejection. He kept your fingers locked practically the entire way here and you let him. Never pulled away. 

It’s not like he needs to apologize. Joel did nothing wrong. He even gave you a minute to handle the situation, but the man was relentless. The kind of asshole that takes advantage of a world with little order to prey on women. Joel would do it again. And again. And again. There are no regrets there.

You’re not naive. You know what you signed up for when you accepted him. He’s never hid that from you. That doesn’t change the fact that you’ve always had a pension for forgiveness, a pinch of empathy the world hasn’t managed to snuff. 

“You’re dramatic, anyone ever tell you that?” 

A touch of a smile pulls on the corner of your mouth. “Hm. Think I’ve heard that once or twice from this one guy. Dark hair, dark eyes, cute, but not really my type.” 

Joel smiles, a partial laugh escaping him. “Really?” 

Turning over his hand with a gentleness he still finds difficult to understand, you press a quick kiss to his palm. You move back into your previous position so quickly it almost feels bashful. “I think you know the answer.” You flip his hand so that his knuckles face you again and go back to cleaning them. “You know, you didn’t have to...I wouldn’t have ever asked you to do that.” 

Joel can’t help his partial smile at that. Like there was ever any doubt. “I know,” he manages, “You’re not that.” 

It takes a second for you to understand what he’s implying. That you’re not like him. Yes, you get mad and you have nothing against putting people in their place, but you don’t like hurting people. Your lips part awkwardly, like you want to say he’s not that either, but you can’t. He just proved it to the both of you. 

“Nothing wrong with being like that,” you say, all too casual, “So don’t say it like it’s this big thing.” There is no end to the level of understanding you offer him. He doesn’t deserve it, he never will. “And you’re not like that in the way you mean. That asshole was, you’re not.” 

Joel lets out a low breath. Of course, even this you’d find a way to reframe. “You’d think so.” 

“I’m right.” It’s a quick reply, and the exact kind of response he expected. “You’re not a shitty person just because you beat up some guy or any of the reasons you’re thinking. New world, new morals. Accept it.” 

Your lips pull together into what’s almost a pout in your determination. Always so sure when it comes to him. “Mhm,” he breathes, watching your surprise at his compliancy. You know something’s coming, but not what. Your awareness does little to help you when Joel twists your hand in his pushes you back against the couch. “And what about you?” 

He hasn’t grabbed your hands yet, but you stay still, eyes trained on him. “I am a lot meaner than you think I am.” 

He tilts his head down to hide his amused expression. Your version of mean is fighting back. “You want to prove it?”

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 14

chapter 25:

1. james accepting his own death will forever and always be heartbreaking

2. “Though, honestly, James had meant it when he said that he wishes it had been Regulus. Maybe it's a strange, pyschosexual thing, but he feels like he's sort of been flirting with Regulus and his daggers this entire time, so to be stabbed by him would surely have been more satisfying. Regulus would have made sure James felt it, adrenaline or not. He isn't sure why that's so attractive to him, but it really is. Maybe James is in shock. Maybe James actually does have a knife kink. Maybe James is just in love, and he wants anything he can get from Regulus, even if it's literal death.”

ik this is a big chunk of quote, but like what. james. james. james my boy. these are wild thoughts to have. also, you definitely have a knife kink, but only for regulus. not on anyone else. james. you. dear, wtf (i love you) 😀 sir.

3. god, james is so earnest on his death bed. i am also, fyi dramatically sobbing

4. shit shit shit shit no. SIRIUS!!! SOMEONE!! HELP SIRIUS! HES LOSING HIS BEST FRIEND AND HE IS NOT OKAY

5. zar is correct. it is sock-sock-shoe-shoe. that is the correct way.

6. 😀😧 regulus is troy. not the trojan horse, but instead troy. i-

7. “James is dying, and Regulus hates him. James is dying, and Regulus loves him. James is dying, and Regulus hates and loves him, because they were always one and the same.”

stop no, this is actually cruel. this is heartless. i don’t know how someone with a good conscious or loving heart could write this

8. god no shit no. i finally stopped sobbing. then there was the line about james asking reg to go to dinner with his parents because effie and monty are used to feeding two kids. i- shit. shit. no

9. HE’S TELLING REG TO TAKE BACK THE HAT??? NO THIS IS CRUEL

10. i actually want to quote this entire chapter, but i cannot do that. so therefore i would like to offer up my tears. and reg deciding there’s no point in going home if james potter wasn’t with him, because james potter was his home

11. 😐 he threw food away, but kept the handcuffs? reg dear, wtf

12. REG IS GONNA SACRIFICE HIMSELF TO LET JAMES GO HOME?? HELL NAW

13. HE CALLED JAMES BABY??? AGAIN??? (fwi i have voice recorded and sent sobbing over this fic to my irl marauders friend. hi iko!!)

14. 😟😟 oh god damn. he actually went in the crimson river. wait shit. how the hell is he gonna survive this?

15. “In his panic, in his haze of pain, it's Sirius he instinctively calls for.” 😀😀 just rip out my heart, it would be less painful

16. THE VENOM!! THE THREAT TO KILL HIMSELF IF HE DOESN’T GET REGULUS BACK!! THIS IS LITERATURE AT ITS FINEST

17. regulus is just tossed out the fucking river. they both survive. lmao this is kinda funny

18. not the symbol of the hallows being the deathly hallows. yikes.

19. i’m kinda disappointed that slughorn gets a POV cause like, that POV needs to be given to one of my faves, so they can be guaranteed to live.

20. dorcas my beloved. she’s such a bad bitch

21. okay wait, i might actually grow to like slughorn as a character. he’s being brought to the phoenix. so like, maybe he’ll be super helpful

22. LMAOOO DORCAS MY QUEEN!! “”How does it feel gamemaker? … Are you entertained?”” AHHHHHHHHH

23. unnamed woman: my guess is mcgonagal

24. after reading the authors notes, i realize we have been blessed. zar decided that reg would not die in the arena. and thank fucking god. thank god. i would not be okay if i read ahb then this. yikes

[redrobin-detective]

The Least Demonic Demon

More m!ik theorizing time! This time on Delkira’s wish for his successor to the demon throne. We’ve seen very little of the former demon king but we can infer that he was powerful, selfish, feckless and while he was able to take control of the Netherworld he seemed largely uninterested in maintaining it. This seems par for the course for a lot of demons we’ve seen, who are about strength and action but sometimes lack the resolve to see things through. Enter humanity

We know Sullivan was one of Delkira’s closest advisors and thus would have been aware if his master was dabbling in the human world. It’s unknown if the separation of human and demon occurred before or after Delkira’s disappearance but I think it’s fairly clear he was interested in humans. I think he had grown bored of trying to control the Netherworld and was preparing to abandon his post. But he knew what he wanted out of his successor and laid out tests to locate them.

I believe Delkira left this prophecy to help guide who would be the new Demon King, one who was strong enough to control the Netherworld but kind and attentive enough to heal it and it keep it together. The bit about the foreign land  is his subtle way of saying that he expected this candidate would be a human or some other non-demonic entity. And the final part of the prophecy.

Remember the Rank Owl decided who got what rank based off of how they did in the flying race. The one where Iruma was at a maximum disadvantage but not only was able to survive but he healed an injured demon, saved Sabroc and got them both to the finish line safely. The Rank Owl probably had that ring hidden in its pouch for years waiting for the one worthy to wield it. The ring has his energy infused in it but I see it as less a possession and more like a blessing, like ‘this one you idiots!’ Iruma filled all these qualities which is why it attached to him and didn’t bother with a rank. The Demon King doesn’t need ranks.

We see another example of these tests in the Harvest Festival with the collecting of the Legendary Leaf which requires dedication, creativity, cooperativeness with multiple demons. Not something demons are good at, thus the object-

This is only Babyls festival, I’m sure each of the other demon schools had their own unique human oriented tests that no one had passed before.The whole point is Delkira is leaving tests and little clues behind as to who should inherit his throne. Its very clear he wanted someone different from the usual demonic powerhouse.

How does Sullivan come into this? I think he knew of Delkira’s intent to disappear and that he wanted a human to succeed him. I’ve seen people comment that it was odd that Sullivan, as a high ranking demon, was called to the summoning by Iruma’s parents. I believe its because he’s answered many, many summons since Delkira left, searching for the appropriate candidate. But the human who are summoning demons, they’re often fairly demonic themselves and don’t fit the bill. Rinse and repeat over hundreds of years until the Suzukis offer up their teenage son as collateral. A boy who has survived undo hardship since a young age, who is kind, compassionate and personable. And then he realized he’d found his king.

I’m always a fan of the trope of a mentor takes a student for purely practical reasons and ends up genuinely loving their charge.

These two panels are obviously meant to parallel one another but look at Sullivan’s expression and posture in the second. Could be art changes yes but he also just so much more genuine in his affection for Iruma. The first looks like a servant bowing before their lord. The second looks like a family being so grateful to have the other in their life.

This is getting so long so! To summarize! Delkira, planning to abandon the Netherworld tasked his loyal servant with finding a human to assume his throne. To ensure the proper candidate was found, he left clues and tests behind to point the way to the prophecy he wrote and make sure that the individual was truly worthy. And so far Iruma has been far exceeding expectations.

[goldensunset]

Fun fact about N’s character theme: it’s based on prime numbers! I don’t know enough about music theory to tell you exactly how, but it’s neat that the composer took his mathematical affinity into account -moon

ya!!!! that’s what i was talking about w the arpeggios. that’s a detail i think is great fs….

don’t get me wrong it wouldn’t surprise me at all if n’s battle theme was some masterpiece of musical composition on a purely technical level that i don’t get because i don’t understand complex math and music theory terms. i tried researching the meanings behind his name and just exploded. i mean look at this. i do not go there

like i’m sure they were absolutely cooking something intentional. it’s all so nerdy. i trust they made their choices for a reason. but i still disagree with them

i guess what i was getting at is that like extra flavor details in the music like this are great but what’s underneath really matters too… the main melody plays the biggest role in storytelling here. in a critical plot moment you should be able to listen to a track and just Feel a certain emotion and get an impression of what the character is like or what the situation is like. is it happy, sad, fearful, determined? unsettling? does it actually distinctly lack a melody, and what does that say about it? like without having to study details like this behind the scenes.. you shouldn’t need a phd the song should just hit you y’know

like it doesn’t exist within a vacuum it exists in the context of ‘i’m fighting this guy who by now i know means well and has been lied to and is in denial at this point, in the hopes that he backs down from trying to change the world for the worse and admits he was wrong, so that we can please be friends’ i understand n is an unusual sort of person and that formulas and calculations are part of his character quirks. but also at his core he’s not a machine or something he’s a human being with a lot of feelings and beliefs. that’s like. a really important part of the narrative… ik he suppresses his thoughts a lot but like

ig i just would’ve expected more of that passion in him to come out during his decisive battle. you would not have to change that much about it to satisfy my conditions. like his standard battle theme works fine for him when he’s battling you just to like test and study you in a calculating sort of sense but in the endgame you’d expect it to be more dramatic. which is why i love the pokemas version where it gets fused with his castle theme it sounds absolutely perfect like that’s the n theme we needed

the like. main part of n’s battle theme like the melody part… it is full of dissonant intervals. again who knows there might be a numerical thing to it that i’m unaware of but y’know like those are the sounds that make you distinctly uncomfortable. that composers use to signify fear or evil. i once woke up in a feverish mini-panic bc that song made its way into my dreams. (and that actually made me appreciate it more not less. lol. if you strike fear into my heart that’s a compliment). and i know he is an antagonist and you should be at least a little bit afraid of him but see like that’s the kinda thing they did for like. ghetsis. the pure evil dude of all time whose name is actually music-related too. the man is so evil he got named after his own evil music. ok king

basically n my man he deserves more to his battle music than sounding scary and cold

buuuut i guess you could say that’s what his encounter theme is for. ‘prisoner to a formula’ has a distinct melody (although that song is creepy lol). and then in b2w2 it gets remixed into a major key and it’s now called ‘n’s theme’ so like yay for once mr natural harmonia has a memorable theme that sounds like he gets sunlight and fresh air and that’s definitively considered to be his character theme!! yay!!!!!

idk. maybe this is all supposed to represent how he suppresses everything he feels and withdraws into his shell and his mechanical obsessive habits while he’s battling. bc his heart is distinctively not in it it’s not true to who he is as a character and also he’s in denial and trying to talk a big scary game the whole time. like the music represents his outer self not his inner self which is imo not ideal for a decisive character battle. and especially not given that his battle theme is at its core basically the same in the sequel even after he’s undergone character growth they bothered to make a remix but still didn’t add heart to it. as if they still wanted your impression of him to be offputting. but who knows!

[bibibi-tchx]

welp shit

it was fun while it lasted, but rd is the foundation of my fic universe, and it is so so hard for me to ignore whats happened and continue writing

and YES ik its scripted, ive just got bp2 and therefore cannot cope

if it was somehow all a ruse, then expect me coming back when its revealed but until then clove is outy

thank you all sm for the love and inspiration, but since the liv thing even started its been hard

keep reading for the fic

im gna copy and paste it here, and if anyone wants to finish it go ahead, just make sure u credit me

They could do this. They could totally do this.

It was their first proper outing to a social event as a family, a work related event no less, since Rhea’s departure. Each member of the Judgement Day, and a plethora of their colleagues, had received an email from the big man, Triple H, himself, inviting them all to a company gathering to commemorate the company’s milestones since his takeover. It weren’t as if they could decline, either, because pretty much the whole roster from each show had been invited, and the whole of Judgement Day (including Rhea, barring the fact that it had to be discussed on a FaceTime where the whole family- inclusive of JD McDonagh for once- could come to a verdict) had agreed to going so that no one could possibly call them out on bunking the event.

For obvious reasons, Rhea herself would not be turning up, but she had played an essential role in levelling Dominik’s confidence to go to the event and actually socialise with his fellow wrestlers on the FaceTime call, reminding him of sweet nothings, of how far he has come in such a short period and how proud she’ll be even if he went with a pout on his face like he had been stuck in for the last few weeks.

So far, it had been a rough month or so without her, with all of the issues regarding Dominik and the rocky relationship he had been beginning to have with his regression since Rhea had returned back home to Australia, and then the whole debacle around Dominik feeling as though he would be abandoned to revel and reside in emotions of utmost despair- especially in the way in which Damian’s actions would juxtapose depending on if they were in front of the cameras, out in the ring, or when they finally reached backstage: where any quests initiated by preying and hurtful eyes that would attempt to enact upon their cruel and ignorant judgements based upon the interactions within their dynamic could be shut down.

In the most simplest ways of describing it: it had been an incredible mess, that not only Dominik learned that Damian, and Finn, would always love him to the point where it could be sickening, but Damian had it honed into his own mind that Dominik needed to understand that he was cherished, and Damian needed to express that no matter where they were. Even if there were thousands of people staring at them. Damian couldn’t keep on maintaining the perpetuating, unrelenting nightmarish cycle of not truly nor effectively communicating how much he genuinely felt heaps of adoration for Dominik outside of their family home; thus, Dominik was left to his own devices to think that Damian did not love him.

Overall, to keep it even more brief than before, it had been a horrible, cob-webbed debacle that no one in their family ever wanted to recreate.

As Dominik leans into Austin Theory slightly, knowing that the action makes people believe as though he is actually digesting their dialogue, he can’t help but pay mind to the feelings of layering guilt- he wanted to go home, but he knows how much work had been put into this moment; how long it took for them to get Dominik somewhat keen to go, and even getting ready had been a bit of a chore from what Dominik could remember from behind the fog of his headspace.

Originally, after some cajoling and totally-not-bribery from all three of Dominik’s caregivers, Dominik had been the most amped up to go, eager to finally step his anxious footing into the barrelling outside world after hiding away in the guarding of his Papi and his Daddy’s arms since Rhea’s departure to Australia. He had dragged Damian and Finn throughout their home, helping (more like rushing) them to get ready- even despite how he only had one working arm. Dominik was finally ready to leave the nest, in an odd way.

“Faster, Daddy! We got’sa go to the party!” Was hollered out from the depth of Dominik's throat more times than Finn would like to admit. But, in Finn’s defence, it is harder than the majority would think to wrangle a fully grown, six foot, toddler into the only sweatshirt that he would wear.

Not because any others were dirty. Or because of the presence of any holes in the fabric.

No- because Dominik wanted to wear his dark blue sweatshirt, the one with ‘Atlanta’ written across the chest in white lettering, and there was no other one that he wanted to wear. He had to wear that sweatshirt. And, by now in their loving dynamic, Damian and Finn knew more than fully well at this point it was better to try and help Dominik with what he wanted to achieve as long as it was within reasonable means.

After all, the whole point of Dominik’s age regression was to help him heal from what he had faced growing up; to give him a stable sense of self where he can be extremely secure in the knowledge that he does have a support system.

What damage is letting Dominik be spoiled with a sweatshirt going to do to that bond they had carefully crafted?

Then, it was having to wrestle (not literally, of course) with Dominik’s black arm sling. It wasn’t at all akin to Rhea’s injury, and he was able to remove the sling when having a bath, but the ever kind doctors had advised that Dominik to try and keep the muscle compress on for as long as humanly possible: and Rhea had been fully made aware of this development as well; so, even from across the globe, Rhea had cracked down on her parenting partners with an iron fist to ensure that this had been implemented. Of course, both Finn and Damian had consequently agreed with this revelation. Additionally, there was no way that they were going to go against Rhea’s orders.

On the hour ride over- which, they were immensely happy for, as the shorter rides means that Damian doesn’t have to worry about packing snacks for when they were on the vexatiously long motorways- they had managed to help ease Dominik away from the light fuzz that was associated with his headspace whilst he was regressed, hyping him up and encouraging Dominik to relish the social evening for what it was: to take it as a time to distract himself from the eternally gnawing sensation that had been clawing and weighing down his heart since that fateful day back in April where Rhea had kissed him goodbye whilst he hid under the comforting leather of Damian’s jacket.

But, alas, an hour into the event, Dominik’s ears were starting to ring out, all of the noise meshing together in cruel and despicable ways.

The offensive hum of the people collided with the bombarding bass of the music, and all Dominik wanted to do was return back into the crook of either of his caregivers’ arms before they would head home where Dominik wouldn’t be subjected to the horrible noises of anything else but Finn’s exceedingly engaging storytelling, and the soft lull of Damian’s singing voice dancing in his ear drums.

His brown eyes darted around the room, not intentionally ignoring Austin Theory, notwithstanding the irksome fact that Austin was dragging on a pointless conversation, remaining to talk absolute nonsense into his ears, as Dominik knows it can be considered rude to not pay his attention to his friend, but he needed to locate Damian or Finn- he needed his ear defenders, at the very least.

Typically, Dominik would have all of his sensory-related items on his person, all organised neatly (all thanks to Damian, in that regard) into the tight compartments of his black backpack, that would always be slung around his shoulder and swinging against his shoulder blade- whereas Damian would hold his age regression supplies in his own matching (literally: it was the exact same bag and brand) black backpack. That was purely to restrict any confusion between the two bags, in case Dominik needed to whip out a fidget toy, and ended up yanking out his dark blue pacifier inside its sticker-covered plastic case.

One is a much more prefered conversation to have with nyon strangers than the other.

However, tonight, the group had made the very conscious decision to keep both bags secured, locked inside of their black Range Rover in a means of trying to prevent either bag from going missing or getting left behind due to the high levels of social intensity in the event.

Finn and Damian had checked with Dominik multiple times about the decision, not wanting to shove Dominik into a situation without any easy access to his comfort items, but Dominik had given them the same tooth-bearing grin as he usually does (the one that makes both of their hearts melt at the drop of a hat), shooting them a little, “Yeah! I’m all good!”, and they were on their merry way.

They brushed their way through the security briefing, with the whole shebang of ‘no drugs, no this, no that’ with everyone having to agree that no recreational drugs will be used on their premises, even despite how they literally worked there and knew all of this, and then the reminders of where to go if there was a fire. Triple H had concluded the meeting with bustles of praise, after all, it had been a celebration of their recent successes in terms of the brand’s growth around the world in the last few months, a way of the higher ups giving their thanks and recognition to their wrestlers. A nice treat as a means to encourage this behaviour. So, it makes sense for the Big Boss, something that Dominik has heard Damian refer to him as a lot more frequently than before, to make sure everyone left the room with a positive sense of keenness for the upcoming future of their company.

The only thing Dominik had paid attention to in the briefing was the suffocating sensation in the room, staring at the sweeping amount of people that had filled the meeting room to the brim.

Even as they began to sizzle out, groups and friends making their way to all of the different rooms to the evening, Dominik’s mind kept on focusing on how utterly foreboding it all felt; the awfully paralysing size of the people in each room painting Dominik with increasing layers of agony as he continued to survey the area.

There were bustles of them, incredulous amounts of many crowds of loud people surrounded them, laughing, talking, flirting- the whole seemingly-desirable package of general socialisation that was expected when it came to their company meetings.

Party? Meeting? Neither caregiver, JD, nor Dominik had really the foresight to pinpoint which this event was categorised as: the email hadn’t been all that clear. Sure, there wasn’t as much alcohol as a party, but there was no way it was a proper ‘meeting’, less there wouldn’t be such a heavy emphasis on all of the wrestlers from across all of the shows being able to socialise with each other.

Dominik knew that Damian was most likely to go and congregate along with the other champions, which he was more than fine with, and he had seen Finn and JD leave the meeting room with an unfamiliar woman, but Dominik mustered up the courage to try and be big, to try and talk with everyone else.

“I mean, who does that? Like-“ Austin continues, and Dominik knows that he’s merely just attempting to formulate a conversation with one of his longest friends since he ever joined the company itself, but he doesn’t want to talk anymore.

He wants his muffling sound defenders: the sticker-covered pair that he had decorated with his Mami back when she was still with them, and she wanted to do some activities with her little boy before they would head on their way together to one of her doctor appointments for her shoulder injury.

He wants to hide away from the world once more: to shove his head into his weighted blankets and feel the weight of the world transfer from him to the beads inside the grey and fluffy blanket.

He wants his Daddy and his Papi: he wants to pull them into the tightest cuddle that Dominik could ever be capable of mustering up the strength to enact upon, just so that he didn’t have to deal with none of the abrasive lighting of the rooms across the floor which the social gathering was taking place upon as his Papi would tower over any light coming through, and his Daddy’s hand would distract Dominik, toying with his dark brown locks of luscious hair that was still growing out strongly, his long and calloused hands working their ways in a rhythmic and familiar manner.

Maybe, just maybe, Dominik wasn’t all that prepared to go out and socialise as much as he originally thought. The promise of some of Damian’s specialised chocolate mousse that he crafts for Dominik at home be damned.

The haziness that often accompanies his headspace makes itself known, knocking at the doors of his mind with pastel hues and reminders that he’s clearly much too little or small to be in such a grown-up, matured, space like the one he was in. Dominik doesn’t particularly know where the heavy emotions had come from, nor can he exactly pinpoint when they had begun to swim in his mind, chucking any coherent, adult, thoughts out from his conscious mindspace with a beckoning urge to scream, cry out for his caregivers so that they could pluck him up from the agonisingly sticky leather sofa where people were ingesting ludicrous amounts of alcohol (he swears Triple H had put a limit on how much everyone could drink) and engaging in with prattling conversations and take him back home.

Dominik sucks in a breath of tension, holding it staunchly in the jaws of his mouth so as to prevent alerting Theory, or any of the other people on the sofa they were sitting together on, that something was starting to off-hilter his mind. The doe brown of his eyes look back at Austin, sending a swift smile (though, a thought rushes to his mind that his Mami would have pointed out that it was a ‘bread smile’- whatever that meant, it always went over Dominik’s head, so he never gave much actual thought to it) as a makeshift way of giving Theory the illusion that Dominik was still listening to what he was saying, before they go back to surveying the room.

He doesn’t see Damian.

And Dominik definitely cannot see Finn, nor does JD McDonagh breach his cautious eyeline.

But, there is one person that he sees. Sure, the guy himself is probably one of the loudest in the room, maybe one of the loudest people in the whole company, but Dominik had grown comfortable with the dude, even more so since he had practically saved him during the Royal Rumble- even though the reasoning behind his help was a bit out of pocket.

R-Truth was across the room, talking in that gravel-soaked voice that always made a regressed Dominik feel ever-so giggly. It appears as though Truth was the only person in the room who was actually aware of his regression, and Dominik doesn’t really have to second guess nor does he have the ability to dismiss that vague idea.

Dominik silently, fondly, curses Rhea, Finn and Damian for being territorial when it comes to him, not allowing any unwanted eyes to peek through their family curtains, and guarding Dominik with what might as well have been diamond swords. Maybe if they weren’t so restrictive, he could have the capabilities to find someone else, and not be forced to interrupt R-Truth’s conversation with some of the older wrestlers, who would have all known Dominik since he was actually as old as he feels, if not a little bit older.

Though, Dominik knows that their protection and restrictive behaviour is all in good faith to cage him from those who are able to cause any sort of disruption to him.

The Miz was there,obviously, and he’d seen Dominik back when he was still just a preteen. It was evident that he was by R-Truth’s side because he had assigned himself R-Truth’s caretaker, something that Dominik found funny to no end, but it also looks as though they were talking to Triple H himself, and that man has known him since Dominik could really remember when he had started to accompany his father to the shows.

“Sorry, Austin, but I wanna go speak to Triple H about something- y’know, before he slips off to go boast to whoever will listen to him again.” Dominik makes a measly attempt at a joke, but it appears to work as Austin chuckles a little, slapping his hand on Dominik’s shoulders in a clumsy, obviously intoxicated, manner.

“You go do you, big man. Good luck!” Austin cheers, pointing his drink in Dominik’s general vicinity, the cliche red cup in his hands causing Dominik to giggle a little about how Austin was the picture perfect example of an American party-goer.

The heavenly giggle still lays upon the pink of his lips just as Dominik waves his goodbye to Austin, “Thank you, Theory! I’ll see you later!” Dominik calls out, although, if things went his way, then there’s a very little chance that Theory will actually see Dominik again for the rest of the evening.

He walks the five seconds over to where R-Truth, Triple H and the Miz are in what is definitely exceeding five seconds, trying his best not to anger a colleague or two as he has to swim his way through the sea of people, having to keep in mind that shoving was rude, and that if his Papi or Daddy were to see him shove someone, without their direct guidance or direction, then they will surely be upset with the lack of manners, reminding him that his Mami always preaches about how we have to be kind to others, and they will be nicer to us in the return.

Funnily enough, the Miz caught Dominik heading their way first, and he more than welcomes the distraction- there’s a sense of fond annoyedness that Dominik sees in his Papi’s dark brown eyes whenever he’s up to mischief, and relief begins to collide with the anxiety that he was feeling only a few seconds ago.

“Wassup, little dude!” Before the Miz even gets a chance to welcome Dominik with grateful arms into the conversation, R-Truth beckons out a typical greeting, and the nickname makes Dominik want to bounce on his feet in delight; he’s not as graceful in stopping the behaviour, but he manages to reign it in.

R-Truth brings in Dominik for a ‘hug’: it was not so much as a hug but a way for R-Truth to have an excuse to pick up Dominik, his cherished and white Jordans dangling from the height that the older wrestler has managed to bring him up to, and swing him from side to side.

If Dominik wasn’t feeling the haze and the sensations of bewilderment of his headspace before R-Truth had made him feel about as heavy as a feather, he definitely was now. The fact that all three of them towered over him didn’t exactly help that much either- all it did was remind Dominik that he was evidently too small to be in such a setting, much too little, and that he needed to find his Daddy and his Papi to aid him in whisking all of the negativity and lugubriosity of the world.

“Hey, big dude!” Dominik says with a shabby, cheerful tone, repeating their nicknames for each other that had been coined during their time together whilst Truth was terrorising their family during the Monday Night Raw segments.

Although, behind the scenes was a whole different scene: Damian and R-Truth got along more than Dominik had ever seen his Papi bond with someone else, and it made the younger Latino happy to witness his Papi, his Damian, to finally get comfortable to relax around other people. And, of course, a regressed Dominik absolutely adored the older man: R-Truth would always pick him up and swing him around; he would crouch down and bend when speaking to Dominik when he was feeling small, which, of course, would only push Dominik deeper into his regression.

R-Truth was the best- no questions asked, no doubt riddled.

The Miz and Triple H join in with welcoming and greeting their younger colleague, but R-Truth, as he typically does, pounces back into the conversation- “What brings you over here, Dom Dom? What can I do for you?” Truth’s smile is truly infectious, and Dominik feels his lips replicating the joyous feeling that R-Truth was spreading as he tries to think of an answer.

He opens and closes his mouth for a second or so, fumbling around for a response- although, yet again, Dominik is interrupted by R-Turth’s hoarse voice ringing through their social circle, his eyes scanning around Dominik momentarily before looking in different areas of the room they were in, “Where’s the big dog?” R-Truth questions, hints of concern beginning to trail in his tone, increasing in prowess as Dominik shrugs his shoulders, a neat and non-verbal way of letting Truth know that Dominik was not aware of Damian’s location, “What about that grumpy old man Finn?” R-Truth tries again, and upon Dominik repeating his earlier actions, the older man sighs in a dramatic, hyperbolised manner, “Not even that alien looking dude?”

Dominik giggles a smidge at the insult aimed towards JD, and R-Truth’s dark brown eyes bulge open as he realises that Dominik had clearly come to him because of the fact that everyone else was off, leaving Dominik behind in a space that, judging by the way he was bouncing on his heels subtly, now that Truth actually gets a chance to analyse it, “No idea, dog. I was hoping that you’d seen them, actually.”

“Oh snap…y’know what, Mizer-”

“Miz.”

“And Mister H-Man-”

“I’ll take that.”

“Were starting to bore me- all this talk about the championships. You get it, don’t you, little champ? You guys should see how much he takes after Dame.” R-Truth comments, large hands gesturing at Dominik’s outfit, pointing at the matching silver chains (the really cool ones that Damian had gotten him even before he knew of Dominik’s regression, with Dominik having the smaller cross whilst Damian had the bigger one) that he and Damian would always wear together.

Heat rushed to Dominik’s cheeks, flushing his face a paintable shade of pink that highlights the browns of his doe eyes, and he can’t really tell if it’s because of the heat from all of the people, or because R-Truth has just successfully managed to make Triple H chuckle a hint about how much Dominik has been taken after the older Latino man in the last few months.

“So…you don’t mind tagging along?” Dominik asks, a juvenile sense of hope riddled in his voice that R-Truth notices as well- he may not be as well-versed or knowledgable on Dominik whilst in his regressed headspace compared to his three other caregivers, but R-Truth can tell that he was definitely dealing with a smaller version of one of his favourite colleagues.

“Nah- of course not! Farewell, Mister H. Mizer, I’ll catch you later. For now, returning the lost boy to his family!” R-Truth calls out, and Dominik’s just grateful that everyone is so familiar with Truth's shenanigans that no one, absolutely no one, even bats an eyelid in their pathway as R-Truth wraps his large and toned left arm around Dominik’s figure, bringing the regressed boy closer in to his chest so as to shield him from everyone else around them.

R-Truth walks Dominik and himself along the edge of the room, with his own right arm brushing against the wall every so often as he committedly guides Dominik out of the area, doing all he can to be as fast as he could whilst also making sure to treat the Judgement Day’s youngest member with great care as they pushed their way out and into the hallway; a significantly smaller amount of people were loitering in between the three or four rooms that they had been designated to socialise that evening, the only person of note being someone from NXT taking a phone call.

In a husky and hushed tone, R-Truth whispers something of concern into Dominik’s ear.

“Where’s your bag at, kid? That little black one that you and your Papi have.”

Dominik smiles a tad at the implication that someone else outside of his makeshift family actually cares about him that much to notice such intricate details, his voice matching how quiet Truth’s was, a drip of an attitude of a sombre kind evident in his articulation, “In the car- both of ‘em.”

“That’s fine, Dom Dom. I bet your old man has the keys, so why don’t we go find him? A R-Truth and Dominik adventure.” Truth ruffles the brown hair on Dominik’s head as he smoothes out his voice, recalling how the boy’s Mami had informed him one day a few months ago that it was best to distract Dominik with smaller, attainable goals if he was visibly upset or distraught at something and his caregivers were not in the immediate vicinity to even notice Dominik’s shift in mood.

The pair of them remain out in the hallway, utilising the floor-to-ceiling glass panels to save them both the stress of searching each individual hang out spot for Damian’s whereabouts

“He was wearing one of his baseball jerseys, wasn’t he?” Truth prods, trying to aid Dominik in looking for his Papi, who, in retrospect, due to his grand height alone, really shouldn’t be that hard to spot, both R-Truth and Dominik grateful for the fact that it would take significantly less time. Dominik’s head rested onto R-Truth’s shoulder, happy to let his head relax in the older man’s neck whilst they surveyed the room in silence.

Although, as Dominik had grown to be more than fond of in the last few months, R-Truth and silence is a combination that never works cohesively past five seconds.

“What’s the plan when we find your Damian then, little man? Just want to grab your special headphones?” R-Truth enquiries, his eyes squinting as he continues to survey the room, looking for people who appeared to be around Damian’s height as a first clue.

“Don’ know, Truth. I wan’ go home, but I know D…Dame an’ Finn are having fun- I don’ want to make them say bye’s to everyone.” Dominik shrugged his shoulders, the ghost of a pout beginning to strengthen, coming to fruition by the second as he heard R-Truth sigh in a tender and doting manner as Dominik continued, “It’s all so loud and… ugh. So much goin’ on.”

“Kiddo, they won’t mind. They know what they are doing, okay? You don’t ever need to worry about your Damian and Finn- they will absolutely understand if you need to go home. They are your caregivers, and, most importantly, your family. It would be rather silly of them if they didn’t let you go home.” R-Truth does his best to console the growingly anxious Dominik, his eyes catching how Dominik’s feet were shuffling against his own trainers once more. The thumb on R-Truth's left hand, the arm he had been clutching Dominik to his side with, rubbed up and down Dominik’s shoulder.

Suddenly, Dominik’s arm raised upwards and pointed at where he could see his Papi, along with Cody and Bayley (so, Dominik’s estimation was correct about his Damian going to see the other champions) congregating by the snack and drinks table, noticing Damian’s hands being bare of a beverage, which means Dominik obviously has to turn to face Truth as he began to jump on his tip-toes slightly, already starting to feel a bit more happy, “Look, tío!” Dominik says, an adorably awkward merge of a whisper and a yell coming out from his lips.

The sight of Damian makes Dominik teeter more deeper into his headspace, not to mention the deep chuckle from R-Truth upon hearing the term of endearment fall eagerly from childishly rosy-coloured lips.

Sensing a set of light brown eyes- his boy’s light brown eyes, no less- Damian’s own dark brown irises glance up from where they had been focused on Cody Rhodes, and his eyebrows soften, his eyes beginning to crinkle as love swarms his heart upon seeing Dominik switch on his heels to face his friend, R-Truth, a toothy grin on his face and mouthing words that Damian can easily tell, even from the distance alone, is something along the lines of, “Dame!”, as Dominik’s lips hold on the ‘m’ sound for longer than he would with any other word.

The older Peutro-Rican man is snapped out of his love-filled trance upon hearing Bayley let out a joking taunt, “Oh!” She teases, dragging out the vowel for as long as humanly possible, and when Cody catches on to the fact that Domnik is standing outside of the room, his left hand waving big and wide with a teeth-baring smile that could not more obviously be painted on for Damian to see, he cheerfully waves back at the younger boy whilst Bayley continues talking, “I was wondering where Dominik was- he trails right behind you these days; it is honestly so sweet how you care for him like that. How’s he been with the whole Rhea leaving thing?”

Damian expresses his gratitude for her thoughtfulness and compassionate words with a short simper, “He’s been doing better than we thought he would originally; I’m so proud of how he’s been handling it, you have no idea.”

“What about you?”

“Hm?”

Cody repeats himself, this time his hand touching Damian’s shoulder in a friendly and genial approach, “Have you been taking it since Rhea left to go back home? I can only imagine how hard it is for you- you two are literally brother and sister at this point.”

Damian chuckles at the implication, but also finds himself grinning once more at the fact that Cody seems to genuinely care about how he has also been feeling, “Well, I’ve been better, you feel me? It looks like Dominik’s getting all antsy about something, so I’m going have to leave this conversation here. It was genuinely so nice to have this catch up. Hopefully, we get to have another party soon.” Damian swiftly shakes each of their hands, both of his fellow WWE Champions saying similar compliments and niceties to send Damian off with.

Although, Cody does whisper something of note into Damian’s ear, and the way it was said so rushed and yet so cheekily leaves Damian walking away from the conversation with another set of his typical deep and rumbling chuckles, “When parenting calls, you always got to respond.”

Meanwhile, Dominik had been talking his way to R-Truth, the older wrestler always being happy to engage with the little one’s talks and eager questions about how the world works whilst they waited for Damian to leave the room.

“Tío?” Dominik signals, eyes still casted to where Damian was walking through the room t get to Dominik, a hint of concern beginning to riddle his chiselled features, looking up at R-Truth with a world of childish wonder painted in his eyes that R-Truth can’t help but admire.

Specifically, the nickname never fails to make R-Truth feel as though he’s truly being admired and appreciated by the little boy.

“Yeah? What’re you thinking about, Dom Dom?” Truth probes in a soft voice, curious about what Dominik was about to say, one of his eyebrows raising in curiosity, and also partly to make Dominik feel better about his beloved Papi taking so long to leave the room and bid his colleagues a good day - or, at least, something along those lines.

“Why’s the Sun follow me when…when I’s in the car?” Dominik asks, his voice just a tad bit timid from how he was slightly embarrassed to ask the question so loud in the hallway that his Papi would hear the ‘silliness’ as he gets closer to the glass door that opens up to where R-Truth and Dominik were waiting idly together.

“I think you might have to ask your old man about that, kiddo. I don’t really know myself.” R-Truth shrugs his shoulders, and Dominik’s eyes cast to the floor, a look of juvenile determination beginning to paint his round features.

“Eso es tonto…” Dominik mumbles under his breath, eyebrows furrowed and evidently not impressed with Truth’s response to his question.

“Say that again please, mi chiquitin. I couldn’t quite hear you over all the music that’s playing.” Damian requests in a nonchalant tone, and Dominik breaches the three steps in front of him and dives his body right into the comfort and familiar sense of home that Damian’s chest effortlessly provides, wrapping his arms tightly around Damian’s waist, his nimble fingers pulling at the hem of his Papi’s shirt as Dominik finally has a chance to collect his thoughts and focus on something else that isn’t how loud the music is, or how sticky his nice trousers felt from the sofa he was just sitting on with Theory.

“Papi.” Dominik breathes out into the fabric of Damian’s patterned shirt, delighted at the relief that Damian’s presence immediately provided.

“Yeah, I’m here, I’ve got you, Dom.” Damian reciprocates the hug in a moment of instinct. Damian’s dark brown eyes cast upwards from where he had been possesively staring down at Dominik, a paternal smile donning his lips, looking up at Truth, jumping straight to the point instead of dancing around the issue that was currently in Damian’s arms and dampening his shirt, “What happened, Truth? Anyone hurt him?” Damian probes, protective instincts surging any normal state of mind that he was in.

“No- he’s all good, big dog. Just felt a bit clogged up, if you get my gist.” R-Truth explains with an over-dramatised whisper, and Dominik lets out a wet giggle into the fabric of Damian’s white and blue striped jersey at how silly the older man seemed to lean into his Papi’s ear,looming over Dominik as though Dominik was no more than a foot or so tall, the two giants towering over him with Dominik beneath.

“Alright. Well, thanks for bringing him over to me.” Damian ’s voice is thick with gratitude, and R-Truth takes that as his cue to leave Dominik and Damian, on his way back to torment the Miz once more.

Damian’s dark brown eyes begin to pool with concern as he feels a small wet spot form on the shoulder of his jersey; his calloused, yet always able to grace Dominik’s sensitive skin with softness and doting drops of love, hands gently pry Dominik’s face away from his shirt and in front of his own face.

Damian decides to switch the language of their now-private conversation into Spanish, just so that any nosy ears couldn’t really understand what they were saying, “Qué voy a hacer contigo, mmm? Qué pasó, mi pequeño cachorro?” Damian dotes with a fond sigh, and Dominik’s feet begin to twist out of a stabbing sensation of anxiety as the older Puetro-Rican male’s concerns aimed towards the shabby state of his (only his, and Rhea’s, if their suspicions about JD, and even possibly Finn were true in the slightest of ways) little boy.

God, he really didn’t want it to be true. Not after what happened with Liv Morgan a week or so prior; it had taken ages of Finn wheedling his way back in, and even Damian had began to soften, but Rhea was stone cold and stubborn. No one she didn’t want, no one she did not trust, or respect, would be around her boy.

He was hers, first and foremost.

Damian begins to walk him across the hallway and to the elevator, knowing how shakey Dominik’s legs could be when he begins to regress into his smaller, more innocent, headspace.

“What happened, Dominik?” Damian asks, his tone leaving no room for Dominik to dismiss or ignore the question- concerned, for the lack of a better word, was how Dominik would describe Damian’s voice.

“It started when…when I couldn’t see you or Finn. It was all super loud, like in the stupid way-”

Damian lets out a chuckle at the way his little boy, who still had his regressed headspace swimming at the surface of his mind, manages to retell the account of his feelings: the level of his metric; the pacing of his words, and how it coincides with the rhythm of his foot swaying against the metal of the elevator floor.

“What’s so funny, Papi?” Dominik asks with an accusatory tone, obviously unbeknownst as to what exactly his older friend and parental figure had found amusing.

“Nothing Dom,

[puertoark]

useless bully ramblings

ok i finished chapter 5 and i sooo dont wanted it to end but also i was eager to see the story coming to its finales. chapter 5 and chapter 3 are definitely my favorites aswell as the townies have became my favorite clique alongside the greasers. you see, the greasers have their own traits and personalities ofc but the townies are really diverse on that regard - they bond over their hatred for bullworth and the injustice they suffered in that school. they live on the poorest part of the town so I can assume that those we don't know why they left (Omar and Leon) could be for the same reason as Edgar. they couldn't afford the fuckass school. God I actually love their little traits sm. Otto and his anger/negativity issues that are obviously harmful to him and others around him, Jerry and the obvious insecurity he has towards his inteligence, Gurney and his passion for music, Duncan and his nerdy cute hobbies that got him to drop out of school due to bullying.. etc etc simple stuff these like always that makes us think abt great things. I even wrote a whole ass post about my personal headcanons on them some years ago on my dead nuked account (might try to find it later). Anyway.

I like their storyline really, their missions when theyre messing up w the school are great, Revenge on Mr Burton, Smash it Up, Busting In etc are all really fun missions, Blue Skies is a great setting and their theme is awesome!!! Altho I do wish Edgar was more used... sigh ik I sound boring and lame af when I say stuff like that but cmon Rockstar had top tier character material and simply didn't use it. I get angry for Ted and Edgar in this regard bc I LIKE THEM and I wanted to see MORE OF THEM. This could easily be like less worse if they were set to appear in free roam during endless summer but nah. he's a awesome character anyway I really do like him.

And then there's Complete Mayhem. Well, one epic ass final mission that I do get angry at knowing what it could've been with the beta but nonetheless I love this mission!!! And the final confront with Gary oh how I love doomed lovers barking at each other at the top of a roof, and then the ending comes, Zoe gets back to school (I wish other townies(Duncan at the very least) also did) Pete gets to be the head boy yayyyy and bullying is over forever and ever except that theres UNLOCKABLES that I didn't UNLOCK so endless summer here I come.. with more bullying ig sighhhhhh... eventually.

oh and best part about finishing the game Pedro isnt rude to me anymore 😁

[davrinassan]

i'm rereading area x rn and i just finished annihilation #yourinfluence... ik u like control a lot, what draws u to him?

EEEEEEEEE I HOPE UR ENJOYING UR REREAD.... ^_^

so ive been mulling over this ask since i woke up and i've been trying to decide how seriously i take this question and thus my answer. i've decided for a sort of middle ground. i'm not gonna scream to you about him being my meow meow (which he is) but i'm also not going to take a few days to really go into depth which i was considering (going thru the entire book of authority and acceptance both and grabbing screenshots and going thru it ALLL to explain what about control i really enjoy....)

so middle ground. i'll try to be normal.

SPOILERS FOR AUTHORITY AND ACCEPTANCE INCLUDING THE ENDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! also i talk about sex a bit

there's a lot about control i like. i think jeff is very good at making his characters detailed and complex enough that you can lose time on exploring who they are.

we can talk about how control is the trope doomed by the narrative, he was groomed from a young age to end up where he ends up. he has dreams and waking dreams of jumping into area x: his destiny is set, everything that happens to him is written in time and he cannot avoid it. he cannot fight it. he cannot control it.

control is the eyes we see the horrors of area x through. see the biologist isn't good for this, she lies to us, she changes the narrative, she excludes information, she manipulates and warps it to be exactly what she wants it to be. she controls how we view area x through her eyes. she's not our eyes.

in authority we get to see this [area x and southern reach] through the eyes of someone.. like us. john rodriquez is extremely normal. jeff purposefully gives him an extremely normal american name, there's nothing particularly unique or special about him. he watches tv, he likes chess, he jogs, he has a cat, he loved his dad, he likes to go to bars, he sleeps with attractive people when he feels like it, he dates a lot. like john is so normal man it's almost painful. but the first real thing we get with him.. is him asking his new colleagues.. the people he will become the boss of... to call him control? i know nonbinary people with less confidence in their chosen name than him.

we're immediately given this normal ass dude but something ain't quite normal but why? we learn why: spy parent and spy grandparent groom small boy into being a spy. something he doesn't align with at all. nothing about him is suited for it. in field work he fucks up because he makes him feel so confident his ego makes him sloppy. in office work he can't handle the politics and can't navigate it. he's assigned fixer because it's the only thing he can do; because he's a normal dude who can talk to people, has charisma, is pretty smart.

i like to think even his mother is very aware he's not cut out for it but she's still willing to help him, keep getting him new jobs and using her position of power and influence to save him time and time again. i think a lot about how she put him in the face of direct danger more than once, but most importantly in front of area x, knowing full well what it could do to him, but having to do this cruelty to him because he's the only person she knows well enough to know if he changes. if he stops being this nice fucking guy lol.

like think about how terrible he is at his job at director IMMEDIATELY. he's dominated and overshadowed by grace instantly, he tries to use charm on her and fails multiple times, he wants her to like him and he doesn't know how to do this but meakly submit and also say "please like me". you ever think about the stupid fucking internal thought he has? i can't remember exactly how its worded but its like "look out at this mosquito orgy and warm to me, grace".

which moves onto my next point: he's so silly. he calls his cat chorry. when he sees whitby freaking out he says "i'll come back later" and tries to leave. ?? like it's a comedy. he starts a war over a squished mosquito in his car, like grace looked out at the mosquito orgy and didn't warm to him, but instead chose to squash every chance of a relationship they had, without knowing if she did it. when in fact HE did it, he just doesn't remember. he makes a shit joke at the voice because he's mad and his best comback is turd. "you're a turd" is what john has in his back pocket.

he tries so hard not to be a fuck up but he's been groomed to enter environments where he can only fuck up because he's not built for it. bro should be at the club, basically.

i like to think about his relationships a lot, how he essentially love bombs his partners and gives them every single piece of him he can give, loves them so utterly and passionately, because he knows it's not gonna last but he wants to experience it all the same. he wants a relationship and love but the life he was given doesn't fit it. and clearly he's not terrible because his ex still tries to maintain a relationship with him, even if it's just platonic. she still cares, and that characterises him a lot. he's not a bad guy.

when he talks about how he knows he will leave them behind, that his need for secrets and to understand, to see beyond the veil, i can understand that. think about it: his mother left him all the time, disappeared for weeks, months, at a time, until she really left and it was just him and his dad. how he must have thought about her, how he longed to know what she was doing, why she was leaving him, what was so important that he would leave him and his father. as he got older, seeking this out, seeking her out, being offered the door but if he chooses to set through it there's no going back: the need to know the secret that took her away so desperately that he would do it. trapping himself in that cycle too, but it's his girlfriends he's leaving behind, and then later even chorry gets left behind, even his father gets left behind, his mother + grandfather, too.

you think about how when he packed and left his home he also left behind his fathers chessboard? that's leaving his father behind for these secrets, for the need to know. when he throws his gun into the ocean for ghost bird? growing away his grandfather, his mother, letting go of that life they groomed him for, letting go of the agent he is and becoming something new: something that will follow ghost bird to hell itself, and then at the very end: he drops chorry. the chesspiece he held on for dear life: his life. his normal, ordinary life. holding on to what he had in those evenings at home: a comfy spot on the sofa, some shitty movie and chorry on his lap. he lets go of chorry, lets chorry fall to the ground, leaves chorry behind for the ultimate secret. he needs to know.

he needs to know why he was put on this path, why he was groomed for this, why his mother left him, why he was put in the southern reach, why why why. his life was laid out for him, destiny written since his birth, a path he had no choice but to walk despite how unsuited he was. the biologist didn't go this far. no one knows what this secret holds. he has to know. it has to be him. no more secrets. no more being left in the dark. it's his turn to know everything.

i do love how it overwrites everything to him. when he gets close he doesn't think about anything else but knowing what this secret is. he doesn't think about whitbys thesis, he doesn't think about the brightness, even his love for ghost bird and his obsession with her (we'll get to that) goes out the window. he's determined if anything.

control is doomed by the narrative. and i don't think it's super obvious? if you don't remember the dream he has you won't realise that the start of authority is the end of authority: he dreams of falling, he jumps.

also back to relationships: when we're told he has one night stands and the woman he's sleeping with calls him a player and he remarks he doesn't think he's a player, which i think is very true, i think he would have a normal relationship if he was allowed to have a normal life, something very interesting is going on in that scene. did you notice? they're not having sex. he's going down on her. as she's calling him a player, he's performing oral on her. now this might not be something a lot of people pick up on especially in queer spaces: but men giving oral is not "common", as cishet men would like you to think. like think about it, a blowjob is an expectation, eating pussy is disgusting. there's many men out there who won't do it. far more than you'd think. i've been involved with a lot of cishet men in my life and they've been repulsed by vaginas, thought the idea was sickening, some were even confused i asked like pussy eating is a myth. hell there's famous men out there who refuse to eat pussy and talk about it proudly. control giving oral in that scene is a characterisation, he's happy to give, he's happy to provide, he cares about others, he cares about his partners, he doesn't see it as embarrassing or shameful or like a submission even, and since it's a one night stand he very likely enjoys it. so now we know truly, imho, what kind of normal man he really is.

i don't think these are my only reasons for liking him though. and i also understand people may really dislike him. like especially in acceptance, he was an absolute dickhead at points. he was unlikeable. he chose to try and torture and hurt ghost bird by making up fake lines in whitbys thesis. he felt awful about it, regretted it immediately, but he also never admitted it or apologised. she still forgave him. ghost bird put in work to make him more likeable at the end! but i also empathise with him a lot in the same way she does. he was not built for this, as i've been saying. no part of john rodriquez was made to survive area x. she knew that, we, the reader, should know it too. authority tells us how not cut out he is for all this, and then we see him jump. we watch him doom himself: we watch the narrative continue its descent to his demise. we read acceptance knowing he is fucked. that he is not going to survive the ending.

and boy, was i upset. reading acceptance was so hard for me. i was crying CONSTANTLY. every time i was pulled away from ghost bird and control i was ACHING to return (despite glora + saul being other characters i fucking adore, and i loved their sections more than i can say, i was taken out of them a bit by needing to know what happens to ghost bird + control!) and every time i saw the CONTROL or GHOST BIRD at the top of the screen i would VIBRATE.. and feel a bit sick.

i think a lot of liking control comes from seeing him through ghost birds eyes, and also how he sees ghost bird through his own.

think about authority again, he looks forward to seeing her. the interrogations become a sort of anchor for him to get through the day. they help. they steady the madness. ghost bird steadys the madness. that's why things noticably deteriorate when she's gone, and that's why he doesn't like when she changes. he still enters her room when she's sick despite knowing he shouldn't and regetting it because he needs her, he needs the anchor of seeing her. when she changes in personality he doesn't like it and misses when she was confrontational because he was expecting it: expecting his anchor to stay the same. when he's in the interrogation room with her everything settles: calm, white, just the two of them speaking, he feels like he has some control here, he can control this situation, grace isn't there, the former directors notes don't haunt him, whitby isn't in the corner of his eye, he's not thinking about the dead mouse and the phone. it's just him and ghost bird and he's in control. even though we know he's not, we quickly learn ghost bird has the control in their interactions and he's fooling himself.

he finds himself caring for her because that's who he is, he cares about people, he cares, so he tries to make things easier for her. he wants to help her. hell if he wasn't a mummas boy with mummas boy issues he might have tried to help her more. i think the end of the book shows that he would toss aside the agency for her, if he could (and he does). i like to think about the scene at the pond, where he wants to just talk to her, listen to her, be with her. he wants it to be a normal interaction. he wants to be her friend. to learn about her on equal ground at this point. he hits the point where he doesn't want that control with her anymore: and then he remembers he has to interrogate her because what if they're listening?

control brings me pain because i'm witnessing just a nice person be shoved into this weird ass horror scenario. i want him to go home, put on his jammies, and cuddle chorry. i want him removed from the narrative! please someone save my boy Oh no he's a bunny now.

so i hated the ending when i read it.

i hated it. i really. really.

hated it.

of course i did, i was fighting every step of the way for him to get a happy ending. i wanted him to be happy. he didn't deserve how much he was suffering, how tortured he was, he didn't deserve it.

but this is the horror. to return to an original point: he's our eyes.. into the horror.

he is the normal person, just like us, not fit for area x and all this government bullshit and alien bullshit and the bullshit, and his horror is our horror. how it warps and changes him, how his personality becomes something lesser, how he loses control entirely. how he WRESTLES for it. how he tries to fight and is crushed again and again. how he needs someone built for this to anchor him: how we return to ghost bird being the anchor, but for us too. she keeps us sane in area x.. as sane as we can be. but she's not a babysitter, it's not her job, she wants to protect, to guard, to be the warden for, but she has her own mission and she won't sacrifice it. she even tells control at the end, she gives him his full name, and tells him she cannot protect him here. he has to open his eyes. and he fucking runs. he runs.

but he runs forward. he runs past her. she lets him go and he lets her go.

he needs to know.

and that act of letting go lets area x claim him. transform him. he is no longer afraid.

see i hated this so so much. and i'm crying as i write about it. but i don't hate it anymore.

i used my sort of unhinged rabbit shit you might have seen all over tumblr to COPE. i had to go all in or i would continue to hate it and i didn't want that. i had to accept what jeff vandermeer chose for control. i had to accept his destiny.

the southern reach series is about ecofear, about ecophobia. it is about ecohorror. it is the birthplace of ecohorror to a lot of people. control is the embodiment of ecofear as a character. the fear of nature. he fights back against nature throughout the series. he denies it. refuses to accept it. we see how it destroys him, this denial.

and when he finally lets go, when he lets go of his fear, when he stops being afraid, he is transformed. the loss of human hubris. he becomes part of nature. in a very literal sense, of course. but you see my point.

i can't give myself full credit for this either, that essay i read put in a lot of work for me to help understand controls place in the story as our eyes. he is human hubris as a character.

ghost bird says he dies at the end, and i do believe her. at this point she can see far more than she could before, she is so attuned to area x that she probably knows.. everything. omnipresent, like a god, almost. i think she's just connected in a way that brings her closer to the aliens area x was made by originally - at least in my interpretation. i think if anyone would know if he survived, it would be her. if she says he's dead, he's dead.

but i don't think he's gone? or i think, in his last act, he did something. changed something, like ghost bird said.

i think that maybe when sweet little rabbit control jumped into that light, maybe time slowed down, maybe it was like a new reality entirely, he left his plane, maybe it was like a new dimension, i don't know. i think he learnt there: i think he got his understanding. i think maybe he knew more than a human could ever. let alone a rabbit. either way, we know as a rabbit he still had his thoughts: i like to think that he merged with area x in a way that made his dna part of area x, i like to think area x is alien, and him. a bit of human, a bit of earth, for this alien Thing.

and i think ghost birds theory that he made a door for them was right. we hear it from him himself, he loves her, and he never disliked grace, he was quite desperate for grace to like him in fact. i think he would have thought of them. done something for them. i wouldn't even be surprised if he was able to make it just a little less hostile to them. yknow? especially to grace, who was really just like him. just another person, but one with the strength to survive. idk. all of this is theory, ofc, and only mine, maybe.

control is a good person with flaws. he's funny, he's silly. he's caring and he is loving. he wants to be cared for and loved. he's driven by his issues with his mother, who loved him and abandoned him and hurt him, and he still forgives her. he forgets where he is and tries to be normal and people give him weird looks for it because normal isn't accepted here. we can't be friends. he knows that, doesn't stop him wanting it, doesn't stop him trying.

and boy does he try.

all he does is fucking try.

he tries and he tries and tries.

and fails.

again and again and again.

he fails.

he makes me sad. he makes me happy too.

i think it's kind of funny i've attached so hard to the most ordinary character in this series, but like i said i see him through ghost birds eyes. he's pathetic. he's pathetic and he means no harm. he's like a sad, lost little bunny rabbit who you want to protect.

do you ever think about how control says he tried so hard to get grace to run, begged her, sobbed to her, but she wouldn't move and so he ran. and then grace tells a different story, like he barely tried, like he bolted. do you ever think about how rabbits bolt as fast as their legs can go when they're afraid? do you ever think about how flighty they are?

do you think about how when the biologist came back, he tried to pull ghost bird away, but he ultimately fled? how he ran, bolted, even when it was ghost bird who he was trying to save?

do you think he's cowardly? do you think he's a coward?

do you ever think about how terrified he was in whitbys horror, those paintings, whitby curled up there, and how control stared at him? just stared? frozen, powerless? do you ever think about how rabbits stare? those wide eyes staring at you as they coil up inside for that bolt? do you ever think about how control didn't bolt, but calmly left, despite his terror?

is he a coward? or can he just read when he's truly in danger, and knows the correct response for it?

do you think he's a coward for not trying harder to save other people? do you think he should put himself in danger for them? die for them, maybe?

it makes me think about how fiction often shows us that our protagonists, or main characters, are heroes? it is the hero of the story.

he's not a hero. he's a normal, ordinary man, shoved into extraordinary circumstances. and he won't leave them. thinks he's something he's not. thinks he's made for this. he's not made for this.

the most human scene for me is when he's sobbing in his car and saying sorry over and over again. he's not a hero. he can't save you. he's just a guy.

and then he sees his mother and he thinks he can do it again. he'll go to ghost bird, he'll bring her back, she's the answer, she has to be, he can do this. he can solve this. fix this.

and then he can't. he can't do it. again he can't do it.

reminders over and over and over that he isn't fit for this.

that he wishes he was for his mother.

idk. this got really long and i can keep going. but i'm not gonna i am going to end it here. i have to for my own sanity. i doubt anyone is reading this far anyway.

i love control. he has shot his way up my favourite characters list a ridiculous amount. a lot of my love involves my love for ghost bird, too. my love for their relationship. their bond.

control is a damsel in distress who was doomed by the narrative and just needs a warm hug. you ever think about how ghost bird uses hugs to calm him? to anchor him? how she holds him. how he can only sleep if she's holding him? man. someone please get my boy out of this nightmare.

[wulfhalls]

(im just a movie fan) ik u dont ship them bc u think they could/should end up together lmao but, do u really think paul x jessica is the most plausible incest ship in dune? bc personally as someone whos only watched the movie, it seems like paul, even before everything goes down, has a sort of unease towards his mother and the bene gesserit ways she pushes onto him (idk if im reading it completely wrong, its been a while since ive seen the first movie). and the resentment only increases in the second movie in a way where i wonder if paul will be able to even speak to her without screaming at her in movie 3 lol. although they did have some INSANE chemistry dont get me wrong.

on the other hand, i feel like paul, from the movies at least, has some level of devotion with Leto, and leto obvi loves his son the most in the world. and ive also come across these book excerpts ppl have been posting, and it seems like the paul/leto relationship is even deeper in the books bc from the excerpts it seems that leto makes a point to confide in paul to prepare for dukedom, which is like a responsibility only those two can understand with each other. and then i remember an excerpt i saw where paul is the last memory that leto remembers before his death, which i thought heartbreakingly sweet (does paul gain that memory after taking the water of life?). Paul just loved him soo much the fact that hes starting the holy war bc some part of him just wants his father back its like insane and a lot. anyway idek what i'm saying anymore just that all the relationships in this story are great and rife with potential.

last sentence really sums it up! all relationship dynamics are deeply compelling here! I don't think this boils down to with which parent paul had the objectively "better" relationship with tho. for me pauljessica is more interesting because well first of all we just get more time with them. more time to explore that tension speaking strictly from a movie pov here (because in the books jessica giving leto a son is framed more as a decision made out of love that echos down the millennia even 5k years later and less stemming from her desire to bring forth the kwisatz haderach even tho it certainly is also an element at play) that mary/jesus imagery is just so potent! bearing a son u will lose to the world to his destiny but on purpose!! u did this to him! u made that choice! u wanted to bear the saviour and u did! but he's ur child and u love him u love him more than anything but his path is set and u did this and now what. u prepare him u train him u make him so he'll survive because he is urs and if the world burns? so what? as long as he is alive to rule over it does it matter? the way he was so tender and loving and protective of her pre water of life. that's his mother (and sister)!!!!! the only thing he has left of who he was!!!! his maker (in more sense than one)!! and having jessica emerge as this almost empty vessel for the other memory to flow through. to inhabit with only glimpses of what used to be his mother.......... delicious. he loves her he hates her she is his enemy his only respite his maker and his undoing. I love drama