#ignore the fact that it comes from the developers of serious sam

[barrymccaulkinem]

did yuo know: The Talos Principle is the best video game ever made? in terms of artistic quality AND puzzle design.

now you know!

[lucky-clover-gazette]

kings rising highlights & annotations

chapter 7

edit: there is much better analysis in this follow-up post, although it does build on the stuff i wrote here

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

There were very few problems, the public killings having been good for the soldiers’ morale.

so where are the people like me in this world who would like pass out witnessing that. just too desensitized to care?

The Veretian herald was named Hendric and he had very strong arms, because banners were heavy.

Damen and Laurent were to ride alongside one another. Neither one of them had the better horse.

THEIR HORSES!! BACK TOGETHER DESPITE ALL ODDS!! because they’re definitely the same ones that fell in love during prince's gambit shut up

Damen was taller, but nothing could be done about that, Hendric had said with an impenetrable expression. Hendric, Damen was learning, had something in common with Laurent, in that it was never a simple matter to tell when he was joking.

give laurent a comedically large hammer and he’ll find a way

‘I hope the injured boy was returned to you safely.’ ‘Thank you, he returned with Paschal,’ said Laurent. For a salve? Damen opened his mouth to say, and didn’t.

throwback <3 but kings can’t have inside jokes :(

In the next moment, the horns rang out, triumphant and lonely at the same time, the pure sound absorbed by the sky and the wide open landscape around them.

“triumphant and lonely” nice detail

He remembered exactly how it had looked, and that was why he didn’t recognise it at first: the forest of broken spears was gone, and there were no gouged ruts in the earth, no men face down in the churned mud. Marlas was now a tumble of grass and wildflowers in the blowy, sweet summer weather, shifting back and forth in the gentle air. Here and there an insect droned, a drowsy sound. A dragonfly dipped and darted.

i like this :) we don’t get a lot of love for nature in this series, so i’ll take what i get. especially nice when nature represents healing and the passage of time.

Lining the hall were two dozen slaves.

oh this is going to be a headache. but it’s a headache worth having, because i’ve approached these annotations so far with integrity and fairness, and i refuse to treat this subject any differently. i don’t want to just ignore the things that are more difficult or less fun to unpack in order to get to the fun shipping stuff, i want to analyze them to the best of my ability and feel as comfortable as i possibly can moving forward.

so let’s set up some context:

1) damen has come a long way from his stance on slavery in book 1. he is actively refusing to partake in this expected custom, and finds the institution disturbing and triggering. he has developed a new appreciation for sex with truly consenting (not trained) partners, aka laurent, and can’t really go back. still, his reasons for refraining here are almost entirely based on his evolving sense of morality, not really relating to his relationship with laurent at all. for more on that moral evolution, see my analysis in chapter 4. further proof of this Really Mattering to damen is the fact that by not taking slaves, he is losing points with his own people. another great hint of his development as a king, making his own authoritative decisions rather than upholding tradition.

2) laurent does not like slavery. he does not think it is morally correct, and has made many jabs at damen throughout the series for disagreeing. he is disturbed by idea of people who have been groomed into relinquishing their own free will. if put in the situation of damen in book 1, laurent would not have been nearly as compliant or allowing—honestly, he probably would have tried to kill his master, and failing that, kill himself.

HOWEVER. vere does not do slavery. slavery had never been a relevant issue to laurent, at least until he was gifted a slave of his own and was made to deal with them in negotiations with patras. slavery is a thing other countries do, to laurent, and his current objective is make nice with a country that keeps slaves. therefore, he knows that his only real option is to keep the appearance of partaking in the custom, even if damen can get away with refusal. and i think we can safely assume that in laurent’s vere, there will be no slavery, even if he’s taking up the appearance of a slave owner now. additionally, i think we can also assume that there will be reform of the country’s pet system, which is an issue much more relevant to laurent’s lived experience.

if the stuff with laurent and slaves here was simply performative and un-indulgent, i wouldn’t need to be writing anything more here. but it is, as it is, one of the few things in the series that makes me feel very conflicted (see also: the garden scene in book 1). because while it’s true that laurent doesn’t actually use isander as a sex slave, and does have this kind of passive disdain for slavery, he does use isander in another way. he uses isander, a non-consenting brainwashed slave, as a way to make damen, who has never actually been a slave, jealous. this is an abuse of power that directly conflicts with laurent’s stated and assumed values regarding free will and individual personhood. we’ve seen things like this before, in arles, but laurent had known that damen was a prince and not a slave the entire time. but isander is a victim of this system—even if isander himself doesn’t know that, laurent damn well does. and laurent historically is someone who advocates for victims. so the fact that his morals here are being set aside in favor of a petty gesture against damen, is… disappointing. everything i said in chapter 3/4 about laurent’s mean girl era still stands: he knows he’s being shitty, and he’s doing it because he doesn’t want to be vulnerable and insecure. better to be a villain than a victim, etc. but laurent being a villain to damen, who laurent knows is perfectly capable of defending himself, is distinctly different from laurent parading out isander the slave just to hurt damen’s feelings.

it’s wrong for the obvious moral reasons, which laurent perfectly understands in the abstract. but it’s not a hill he’s going to die on here, and that’s not just because of the political advantage. this is 100% about personal shit with damen too. and sorry laurent, but slavery does not stop being wrong when it’s useful in creating drama with your ex. in fact, indulging in it for that reason specifically trivializes all of the legitimate problems with the practice. it makes laurent a hypocrite and it crosses a line, in terms of his mean girl schtick. i just want to make that clear—that there is very much a difference between laurent just being kinda cunty to damen in general, and specifically using a slave as tool in that cuntiness.

laurent is, and always has been, a morally complex and often hypocritical character. he has done things that have made me feel uncomfortable to read, like the way he treats damen in the garden scene. and that’s okay, and it doesn’t make him a bad character, or even a bad person. and to be fair, he isn’t doing any practical harm here—if he hadn’t chosen isander to kinda just vaguely flirt with in public and then leave alone in private, someone else probably would have done far worse. and that is an easy cop-out, and it’s not wrong. but still.

the problem isn’t with laurent's actions here, necessarily, but the principle. which is usually what laurent himself cares about the most, as he often values the ends above the means. politics aside, i think that laurent would readily admit post-mean girl era that the ends of making damen jealous did not, and should not, justify the means of using another human being who does not possess free will. maybe he even does that in the text, eventually, and i’ve forgotten.

(also, let’s not forget that isander may have been trained to not have his own feelings, but definitely still has them, because he’s a human being. and it probably makes him feel pretty bad to be chosen and then ignored by laurent. not that it should, because the entire thing is super fucked up, but it’s what he’s been groomed to believe. like, i did just want to throw that in somewhere, even though it’s obviously predicated on brainwashing and a lack of free will. it’s still what he’s feeling, and his feelings matter. just as much as damen’s or laurent’s.)

basically: laurent is failing to be honorable in his usage of isander, even if he’s not using isander as a sex slave as intended. his abstract values about the wrongness of slavery take a back seat to the political and interpersonal advantage of not only passively partaking in the custom, but actively using it to make damen jealous. even if laurent needs to pretend to take a slave to be politically accepted, he does not need to do All That. and honestly, with laurent’s ability to convince and command a crowd, i think we all know deep down that if he didn’t at least want to do this at least a little bit, just to piss damen off, he would find a way out of it. and that is a reality of laurent’s characterization here that i have to deal with, similar to his actions in the garden scene.

and then there’s the other thing that laurent's "performance" with isander has in common with the garden scene:

it’s hot. it’s wrong, and hypocritical, and could have been done in a way that would better suit my personal tastes, but yes, it’s hot. and on top of that, it’s also VERY funny. laurent’s performance, damen’s reactions, and isander’s obliviousness are all very, very funny. and i do want to be able to enjoy them for the petty gestures they are, and joke about them, without constantly having to throw in a “but also this is bad.” so doing this initial disclaimer feels like a happy medium to me, where i’m not ignoring the complexity of the situation entirely, but i’m also conceding that it’s not necessarily meant to be taken seriously, and it’s ultimately written for the reader to enjoy. like, don’t get me wrong, most of the slavery stuff in this series has NOT been written for the reader’s enjoyment—the values here are very clear, especially in damen’s arc—but there are still some indulgent moments. and it is fiction. and these characters aren’t perfect, nor did they create the culture of the kingdoms that they’re about to rule. and they do ultimately change the things that they, and we the reader, know are wrong.

but just like with the garden scene, i can’t quite get myself to write “so it’s totally fine to just have fun with the whole slavery thing” as a conclusion. and honestly, i feel pretty okay about that hesitancy. when i make jokes about this subject in this specific context (laurent and isander), i don’t want it to be forgotten that the subject itself (slavery) is still entirely serious. so instead, i’ll say:

this is fun because manipulative petty lamen mind games are fun. this is hot because manipulative petty lamen mind games are hot. this is somewhat intended as a backhanded insult and display of moral superiority—laurent showing damen how awful he and his culture appear to non-slave owners—but that moral superiority ultimately falls short due to laurent’s hypocritical use of a slave to make damen jealous. all of those separate pieces of analysis are true to the overall experience of reading and interpreting these scenes. it’s a mixed bag, we know it’s a mixed bag, laurent knows it’s a mixed bag, and damen knows it’s a mixed bag. the only relevant person who doesn’t know it’s a mixed bag is isander, because he’s a slave and isn’t allowed to think for himself, and that fucking sucks.

Isander was olive-skinned and lithe as a fawn, with dark hair and eyes: Akielon colouring. He shared that with Nikandros; with Damen.

yeah i’m sure that’s just a coincidence

Male, either in deference to Veretian customs, or to suit Laurent’s assumed preferences.

akielon slave owners, trying to assess laurent’s preferences:

(can you tell my heart still isn’t fully in the humor here…)

Nikandros would never offer royalty anything less than a slave’s First Night.

god, the first night thing is fucked up. in general, i love the lack of like… uh… traditionally conservative (read: christian) attitudes about sex in capri, so the few similarities especially give me the ick. i haven’t read or annotated the erasmus short story yet, but i know it’s going to piss me off too. basically, the closer we get to the handmaid’s tale, the more i want to read complicit characters dying horrifically on the page. nikandros and the other akielons are skirting by for now with the plausible deniability they have re: fully understanding how slaves are trained, but they’re on thin fucking ice.

also, lighter side question, what’s the recommended reading order for the short stories?

sweet grace of a palace slave

gag

‘I like that one,’ said Laurent.

>:(

‘Slaves are trained in the arts of pleasure, but they do not lie with another until their First Night,’ Kolnas said. ‘Here we use the same strict, classical training that is used in the royal palace. Skills are learned through instruction, and practised with indirect methods. The slave remains wholly untouched, kept pure for the first use of the Exalted.’

imagine if real-life cultural customs were built around grooming a certain group of people to be sexually submissive and modest as a thinly-veiled way to control their sexuality and ensure that they are attached to dominant societal figures from a young age without the education or free will to consider themselves actual human beings, so they can unquestioningly spend their entire lives as sex machines and domestic servants defined entirely by their responsibility to the family, and then they die and their headstone identifies them by their status as a possession of their dominant partner. wouldn’t that be fucked up

‘I never did learn how to command a bed slave,’ said Laurent. ‘Teach me.’

guys i wish i could find this hot or funny but now i’m just mad about disturbing stuff in real life that i can’t analyze out of existence. i’m taking a break and eating a chocolate strawberry greek yogurt popsicle and then i’ll try to refocus on the funny toxic gay people

‘They cannot speak Veretian, Your Highness,’ Kolnas explained. ‘In the Akielon language, using the plain form of address is appropriate. To command any act of service is to honour a slave. The more personal the service, the greater the honour.’ ‘Really? Come here,’ said Laurent.

laurent go sit in the corner.

Laurent extended the tip of his boot. ‘Kiss it,’ he said. His eyes were on Damen.

god this is so good. i hate it so much.

to be fair, there is no way to do this that would be more effective than laurent using a slave. because, y’know, damen was his “slave.” it wouldn’t hit the same with some random non-slave guy. laurent wants to fuck with damen’s head, and part of that is making him miss something he most certainly should not be missing. laurent is also fucking with my head, because this gesture is so conflictingly wrong and compelling, a word which in this case means "something i’m embarrassed/ashamed to say that i find hot."

‘Good boy,’ said Laurent, reaching down to pet Isander’s dark curls, while Isander’s eyes closed and he flushed over.

(easy joke to make, but we’re all probably thinking it) damen:

(also, this being the only “good boy” in the entire series is just diabolical. but i get why it is, because i think it might not be the only one—and if it isn’t the only one, that means the regent says it at some point, and that’s exactly why it’s never used in a lamen sex scene.)

Kolnas preened, pleased that his selection was appreciated. Damen could see that the fort’s household around them was also pleased, having gone to great lengths to make Laurent feel welcome. They had considered with intense thoughtfulness Veretian culture and Veretian practices.

i sense some slight snarkiness here—not even from damen, but from the narrative itself. there’s palpable irony in the “great lengths” and “thoughtfulness” of akielions considering veretian culture while presenting laurent with slaves, all while veretian culture doesn’t have slavery.

It was pointless. There were two dozen slaves here, while the number of times Laurent had had sex in his life could probably be counted on one hand. Laurent was just going to be dragging twenty-four young men back to his rooms to sit around doing nothing. They wouldn’t even be able to unlace Veretian clothing.

according to damen:

this is stupid.

laurent is, in all ways but physical, a loser virgin.

he’s going to set out board games for those sex slaves. he’s going to throw them a pizza party. he’s going to answer emails the entire time.

they don’t even know how to unlace laurent’s clothing like i do.

this is stupid.

‘Can he also serve me in the baths?’ said Laurent.

CUNT.

‘And at the feast for the bannermen this evening when they give their pledge, if that pleases you, Your Highness,’ said Kolnas. ‘It pleases me,’ said Laurent.

damen is about to throw up on the floor

Cloth wound around his waist and over his shoulder, the sort of ceremonial Akielon garb that you could unreel from a person by taking hold of one end and pulling while they rotated.

looney toons-ass imagery

He could feel their discomfort, their need to debase themselves; this sort of proximity to royalty permitted only the extreme submissiveness of slaves.

thank you damen for being the only normal person here. you've come a long way.

“discomfort, their need to debase themselves” is something book 1 damen would have found adorable and charming. he definitely wouldn’t have worded it like this, back then.

“this sort of proximity to royalty permitted only the extreme submissiveness of slaves” building on the damen vs. kingship theme, he thinks he can’t have real love or intimacy or vulnerability if he’s a king. he can’t truly be paired with an equal, because he needs to be exalted.

He had sent away the slaves.

damen you’re the only one i’m not at mad at in this chapter. actually i liked the funny banner guy, we’re chill too. and isander is just trying his best

Laurent, he knew, was rooming in the adjoining suite, separated from him by a single wall. Damen was in the King’s chambers, which any lord who built a fort installed, in the hope the King would stop there. But even the former lord of Marlas’s optimism had not stretched to the idea that the heads of two royal families would visit simultaneously. To preserve their arrangements of scrupulous equality, Laurent was in the Queen’s chambers, beyond that wall.

i’m getting so much whiplash from this chapter like yeah this is funny and cute but also is the slavery stuff just normal to people like i’m aware the series started from a specific subculture and kink and body of literary work, so i guess i’m the weird one and the outsider here for being so distracted??

Isander was probably tending him, gamely doing his best with the laces. He would have to unhook the lacings on the back of the neck of Laurent’s riding leathers before drawing them through their eyelets. Or Laurent had taken Isander into the baths, to be undressed by him there. Isander would be flushed with pride at being chosen for the task. Attend me. Damen felt his hands curl into fists.

i don’t think i need to point out in a note, every single time, that damen being jealous of isander is funny and his possessiveness of laurent is hot. but i will still highlight the passages where it happens.

He turned his mind to political matters.

good call buddy, you and i are going to get through this chapter together

Men and women reclined on couches

(said apprehensively, given the overall themes of this chapter) ...women?

Makedon leaned, selecting a slice of peeled orange. Pallas, the handsome officer-champion, reclined with the easy posture that spoke to his aristocratic blood. Straton had hitched his skirts up and drawn his legs onto the couch, crossing them at the ankles. Everyone whom rank or office entitled to be here was assembled, and with every northerner of standing gathered to give their pledge, the hall was packed full. The Veretians present were mostly vertical, standing awkwardly in small groups, one or two perched gingerly on the edge of a seat.

There was no trumpet flourish or herald’s announcement, as there would have been in Vere.

okay i didn’t realize there was a trumpet flourish in vere. that is very funny in retrospect. a trumpet is not the instrument i’d choose to announce laurent’s arrival. in arles especially, i personally think that a halloween sfx cd would have been much more appropriate

Laurent didn’t rise. He wasn’t required to. He just watched from his reclining couch, as the hall prostrated itself. He had cultivated an elegant sprawl, with his arm draped over his couch back, and his leg drawn up, revealing the arc of an exquisitely clad thigh. His fingers dangled. Silk rucked around his knee.

laurent lean #14. kings leaning.

Isander was prostrated, an inch from Laurent’s casually draped fingertips, his lithe body bare. He wore a brief garment like a Vaskian man’s cloth. His collar fit him like a second skin. Laurent sat relaxed, every line of his body arranged tastefully against the couch. Damen made himself stroll forward through the silence. Their twin couches were next to each other. ‘Brother,’ Laurent said, pleasantly.

no comment

The eyes of everyone in the hall were on him. He felt their gazes, their underfed curiosity. He heard the murmurs—it really is him, Damianos, alive and here—accompanied by the brazen looks, looking at him, looking at the gold cuff on his wrist, looking at Laurent in his Veretian clothes like an exotic ornament—so that is the Veretian Prince. And beneath that the speculation that was never spoken aloud.

at least one akielon politics rpf truther is losing their mind rn. we have gaylor, this world has gaymianos

Laurent was scrupulously correct in the face of it, his behaviour immaculate, even his use of the slave was an act of unimpeachable etiquette. In Akielos it pleased the host for a guest to make use of his hospitality. And it pleased the Akielon people for their royal family to take slaves, a sign of virility and power, and a cause of great pride.

narrows my eyes

Barieus stepped forward. ‘I want assurances that Vere does not hold undue influence over Akielos.’ Undue influence. ‘Speak plainly.’ ‘They say the Prince of Vere is your lover.’

found the gaymianos truther

‘Who we take to our bed is not your concern.’

well i mean if you’re using the royal “we” to represent the kingdom, then yeah… it kinda is?

‘Shall I tell them what really happened between us? They want to know,’ Laurent said. Laurent began to unlace the cuff of his sleeve, drawing the ties through the eyelets, then opening the fabric to expose the fine underside of his wrist—and then the unmistakable gold of the slave cuff.

Laurent leaned his wrist elegantly on the curved arm of the couch, the open sleeve reminiscent of a delicate open shirt collar, its laces trailing. ‘Do I have the question clear?’ said Laurent, speaking in Akielon. ‘You are asking if I lay with the man who killed my own brother?’ Laurent wore the slave cuff with utter disregard. He had no owner, the aristocratic arrogance of his posture said that. Laurent had always possessed an essential quality of the untouchable. He cultivated a faultless grace on the reclining couch, his chiselled profile and marble-chip eyes those of a statue. The idea that he would let anyone fuck him was impossible.

and damen is so into it. love love love the contrast with the description of slaves in this chapter. damen doesn’t want them, he wants laurent. he sees laurent as a complete and compelling person. there is honor in laurent’s performative submission—wearing the cuff—because damen respects laurent’s personhood. but he’s no longer able to see the submission of slaves as honorable, because he knows they’re fucking slaves who have been robbed of their personhood entirely.

Barieus said, ‘A man would have to be ice-cold to sleep with his brother’s killer.’ ‘Then you have your answer,’ said Laurent. There was a silence, in which Laurent’s gaze held that of Barieus. ‘Yes, Exalted.’ Barieus bowed his head, and unconsciously used the Akielon Exalted, rather than the Veretian titles Highness or Majesty.

a vine boom echoed through the court

‘Well, Barieus?’ said Damen. Barieus knelt two steps before the dais. ‘I will pledge. I see that the Prince of Vere stands with you. It’s right that we swear to you here, on the site of your greatest victory.’

“he is simply too cunty for us to deny his authority.”

Slaves brought the food. Squires served Damen, since he had made his preferences clear. It was an awkward arrangement that displeased everyone in the hall.

YES DAMEN!

Isander was utterly in love with his master. He strove continuously to do well, selecting each delicacy for Laurent to sample, bringing him only the best, in small, shallow dishes, refreshing the water bowl for Laurent to clean his fingers. He did it all with perfect form, discreetly attentive, and never drawing attention to himself. His eyelashes drew attention to themselves. Damen made himself look elsewhere.

but that’s not real love, and damen knows it. laurent knows it too. and damen did it way better in nesson-elroy

Laurent said, ‘Play The Fall of Inachtos,’ and a murmur of approval passed over the hall. Kolnas, the Keeper of Slaves, congratulated Laurent on his knowledge of Akielon epics. ‘It’s one of your favourites, isn’t it?’ said Laurent, transferring his gaze to Damen.

diabolical. need this energy for the lamen divorce playlists (they each have their own)

He had always liked the depiction of Akielons cutting down their enemies, as Nisos rode out to kill Inachtos, and take his walled city. He didn’t want to hear it now.

yayyy character development

It was Loyse and not Guion that Jord was approaching. She gave him a cursory look. ‘Yes?’ There was an awkward pause. ‘I just wanted to say . . . that I’m sorry for your loss. Your son was a good fighter.’ ‘Thank you, soldier.’ She gave him the token attention a lady might give to any servant, and turned back to her conversation with her husband.

loyse hiiiiiii loyse (said with appropriate sadness for her current state of grief)

Jord gazed at him for a long moment, then indicated Laurent with his chin. ‘I’m glad you two are friends,’ said Jord.

jord always knows exactly when to show up and make ill-timed commentary on damen and laurent's relationship

‘I thought when he found out about you, he’d swear revenge,’ said Jord. ‘He knew all along,’ said Damen. ‘It’s good that you could trust each other,’ said Jord. And then: ‘I think before you came, he didn’t really trust anyone.’ Damen said, ‘He didn’t.’

also isn’t it like SUPER awkward for jord to be around guion and loyse right now

Isander was bringing Laurent a sprig of grapes in a small dish. Laurent said something approving, and gestured for Isander to join him on the reclining couch. Isander glowed, shyly besotted. As Damen watched, Isander picked a single grape from the sprig, and lifted it to Laurent’s lips. Laurent leaned in. He twined a finger around a curl of Isander’s hair and allowed himself to be fed, grape by grape, a prince with a new favourite.

damen is about to start scratching the walls like a cat confronted with a closed door

He lifted the wine blindly. The cup was empty. Straton wasn’t the only Akielon departing with a slave; men and women throughout the hall were availing themselves. The wine, and the slaves enacting the battle were breaking down inhibitions. Akielon voices grew loud, emboldened by wine.

between the heavy drinking and sex practices, the akielon court actually sounds like my living hell. and we haven’t even gotten to the naked sports chapter yet

Laurent leaned in further to murmur something intimately into Isander’s ear, and then, as the recitation reached its climax, the clash of swords like the hammering in his chest, Damen saw Laurent tap Isander’s shoulder, and rise. I’d wager you never thought a prince could be jealous of a slave. At this moment I’d trade places with you in a heartbeat. Torveld’s words. He said, ‘Excuse me.’

The entire court around him rose as he pushed up from his couch-throne.

“couch-throne”

Trying to follow Laurent out, he got tangled in ceremony, the hall a stifling press of bodies and noise, and, as a blond head disappeared towards the doorway, he was stopped by party after party blocking his path.

okay i’m so curious what he’s meaning to do when he catches up to laurent. yell at him? yell at isander? throw up?

He ought to have brought a slave of his own, then the crowd would have melted away, understanding: the King wished privacy.

i am begging the protagonists of this book to stop using human people as objects. again maybe that’s just a me problem, this isn’t my usual genre and the akielon slavery system clearly doesn’t align with my kink sensibilities, but COME ON

The corridor was empty when he strode out into it. His heart was pounding. He turned the first corner into a section of the passage, half expecting to catch Laurent’s retreating figure. Instead, he saw a stark, empty arch with all its Veretian lattice stripped away. Under the arch was Isander, standing with his fawn eyes, looking confused and abandoned. His confusion was such that for a moment he just stared at Damen with wide eyes before he seemed to understand what was happening, and folded to the floor, forehead to the stone. Damen said, ‘Where is he?’ Isander was well trained, even if nothing was happening as he had expected tonight; and even if, rather mortifyingly, he was being asked to report this fact to his King. ‘His Highness of Vere has gone for a ride.’

well at least if “going on a ride” is laurent code for “feeling morally and emotionally troubled,” that’s… less disappointing, i guess.

also, i do realize that this is the place where laurent’s brother was killed, currently taken over by the nation that orchestrated and benefitted from his death. so there’s probably a twisted vindication in learning exactly how fucked up their culture is (asking about the first night, etc), and getting whatever kind of enjoyment out of the whole situation he can (pissing off damen). but there still had to be a crash, and as soon as laurent was excused from his duties he dipped to deal with it alone.

‘At the stables a handler might know his destination. This slave can inquire.’

i caaaaaan’t stand the way they’re denied use of personal pronouns

Closer; the approach was difficult because it was sharp with memory. Here was the place where their left flank had fallen. Here was the place where he had ordered men to attack the lines that would not fall, the starburst banner that did not falter. Here was the place where he had killed the last of the Prince’s Guard, and come face to face with Auguste. He dismounted from his horse, looping its reins over the cracked stone column of an overgrown pillar. The landscape was old, and the pieces of stone were old; and he remembered this place, remembered the torn soil and the desperation of the fight. Clearing a last jut of stone, he saw the curve of a shoulder in the moonlight, the white of a loose shirt, his outer garments stripped, all wrists and exposed throat. Laurent was sitting on a stone outcrop. His jacket was discarded uncharacteristically. He was sitting on it.

this is a beautifully set scene.

A stone slid under his heel. Laurent turned. For a moment, Laurent looked at him wide-eyed, young, and then the look in his eyes changed, as though the universe had fulfilled an ineluctable promise. ‘Oh,’ he said, ‘perfect.’

a moment of surprise and vulnerability, and then practiced cool again. onto Some More Bullshit, i guess

this isn’t the chapter to really tackle this, but i will eventually write a long essay about how laurent goes through his own mini character growth arc, completely off the page, during the lamen divorce era. it’s just that damen has custody of the reader, so we don’t get to see it—only hints, like this moment here. laurent must have had a lot on his mind, too, ever since their last heated conversation. i have some ideas about what that “a lot” might be, but again, i don’t think i’ve gotten quite enough from laurent yet to really start forming a conclusion.

Damen said, ‘I thought you might want—’ ‘Want?’ ‘A friend,’ said Damen. He used Jord’s word. His chest felt tight. ‘If you’d prefer me to leave, I will.’ ‘Why cavil?’ said Laurent. ‘Let’s fuck.’

ON YOUR BROTHER’S FIGURATIVE GRAVE WITH HIS MURDERER????

‘That isn’t what I meant.’ ‘It might not be what you meant, but it’s what you want.’ Laurent said, ‘You want to fuck me.’ Anyone else would have been drunk. Laurent was dangerously sober.

yeah, no, he’s definitely being going through Some Shit on his own. lots of self-loathing, especially due to the fact that he can’t hate damen as much as he knows he should. yearning, more self-loathing because of that yearning. companionship withdrawals, a return to isolation. a revived sense of grief for his brother, and nicaise, and damen (not damianos) and even his relationship with his uncle, who he hadn’t thought would be capable of trying to kill him. hating himself and blaming himself and regretting things he’s done to push people away. just an all-around bad time, but a necessary time of reflection that he needs to experience on his own. damen can’t just swoop in and fix laurent, laurent has to decide that he’s worth saving first. he’s not there yet, clearly, assuming that damen only wants him as a sexual object. whiiiiich was probably why he went so hard on the eroticism with isander easlier, it was an easy victory to get damen hot and bothered. a game he could win, among the many other games he knows he’s losing—especially the ones against himself.

i’ll put together something more coherent before the divorce era ends. tbh, i kinda think this scene should have been a separate chapter, because there is some pretty massive whiplash here. although maybe not, maybe the buildup of emotional and sexual tension was the point. yeah, it was. the slavery stuff just made it more frustrating to read. never mind.

‘You’ve been thinking about it since Ravenel. Since Nesson.’ He knew this mood. He should have expected it. He made himself say the words. ‘I came because I thought you might want to talk.’ ‘Not particularly.’

it almost sounds like laurent played himself, for the millionth time, by getting himself worked up with isander when he just really wanted damen

He said, ‘About your brother.’ ‘I never fucked my brother,’ said Laurent, with a strange edge to the words. ‘That is incest.’ They were standing in the place where his brother had died. With a disorientating sensation Damen realised they weren’t going to talk about that. They were going to talk about this.

"yes, honey..."

‘You’re right,’ said Damen. ‘I’ve been thinking about it since Ravenel. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.’ ‘Why?’ said Laurent. ‘Was I that good?’ ‘No. You fucked like a virgin,’ said Damen,

deserved

‘half the time. The rest of the time—’ ‘Like I knew what to do?’ ‘Like you knew what you were used to.’ He saw the words impact. Laurent swayed, like he’d been dealt a blow. Laurent said, ‘I’m not certain I can take your particular brand of honesty just at the moment.’

oh well this is particularly horrifying with [redacted] context. also i think the quote “i’m not certain i can take your particular brand of honesty just at the moment” says A LOT about how laurent has always viewed damen, for better or for worse. laurent can count on damen to tell him what he needs to hear, not what he wants to hear. so it makes sense that he’s been avoiding damen lately, because laurent is going through his own crisis of personal reflection

Damen said, ‘I don’t prefer sophistication in bed, if you were wondering.’ ‘That’s right,’ said Laurent. ‘You like it simple.’ All the breath left his throat. He stood, stripped, unready for it. Will you use even that against me? he wanted to say, and didn’t. Laurent’s breathing was shallow too, holding his ground.

is “that” just laurent making fun of the way damen is earnest in bed? seems like an overreaction from damen if that's the case, so it’s probably something else i’m missing. maybe laurent is accusing damen of keeping the secret of his identity, even when they fucked, to make things simpler between them? that would support my previous theory that laurent is convinced that damen wouldn’t want him how he really is, as damen really is, with all the complications between them. or it’s a dig about auguste somehow, and i just can’t figure out how it connects.

‘He died well,’ Damen made himself say. ‘He fought better than any man I’ve known. It was a fair fight, and he felt no pain. The end was quick.’

like i said—what laurent needs to hear, not what he wants to hear. even if damen thinks that it’s going to make laurent hate him more, he still has the integrity to say it.

‘You sent your men out to look for me too?’ said Laurent, his mouth twisting. ‘No,’ said Damen, and pushed Laurent hard out of sight, into the shelter of one of the huge, crumbling blocks of stone. In the next second, the troop was on them, at least two hundred men, so that the air was thick with the passage of horses. Damen pressed Laurent firmly into the rock, and held him in place with his body. The riders didn’t slow, even on this uncertain ground in the dark, and any man in their path would be trampled, tumbled, kicked from hoof to hoof. Discovery was a real threat, the rock cool under his palms, the dark shuddering with the pounding of hooves and heavy lethal horseflesh. He could feel Laurent against him, the barely contained tension, adrenalin mixed with his dislike of the proximity, the urge in him to prise himself out and away, stifled by necessity.

throwback <3 i think this is very intentionally placed in this conversation, as a reminder that they are the same people they were in prince’s gambit

‘I know you’re not cold,’ said Damen. ‘You weren’t cold when you ordered me tied to the post. You weren’t cold when you pushed me down on your bed.’

more true things laurent does not want to hear right now! also i like the use of warmth, as the opposite of cold, to signify both vengeful rage and romantic/sexual passion. two sides of the same coin

‘A fair fight?’ said Laurent, turning back to him. ‘No fight’s ever fair. Someone’s always stronger.’

rewinding to their previous argument. aren’t they both tired? i’m tired.

[soleminisanction]

Hi! This may seem like a stupid question, but, what lantern do you think each Batfamily member (direct or adjacent) would be based on their personalities and your thoughts on the characters? And the beautiful, chaotic babies, aka Young Just Us? I know some think Tim would be a Green Lantern and even though I love it (mainly because Tim could develop a friendship with John and Kyle), I'm not entirely convinced that it's the right color for him. I can't see Stephanie as a Blue Lantern either… About that, and even though I know that they are different fandoms, I've to ask you the last question: do you think that Steve Rogers and Sam Wilson could be Blue Lanterns?

You don't have to answer any of this if you don't want to, I just wanted to get your honest opinion 'cause I love your meta, posts and fics.

PS: Sorry if I made any spelling mistakes. English is not my native language.

Not a stupid question at all. In fact, I actually answered it before, a couple of years ago.

The TL;DR on that post is that I think Green Lantern is a good default fit for any of the Bats, because you can't do what they do as superheroes without an insane amount of willpower. Personally, I pegged Tim as being a good fit for Indigo, compassion... if the Indigo Tribe didn't play by bizarre rules because men who write comic books are weird about emotions. I could also see an argument for Tim landing among the Star Sapphires, given how many of them are motivated by lost love.

When it comes to Blue Lanterns -- ugh. The Steph as a Blue Lantern thing is so frustrating and dumb. It comes from a single image in her Batgirl run, where people completely ignore the context: it's part of her Black Mercy montage, which means it's an illusion that only exists in Steph's mind and the only thing it proves in-universe is that Stephanie wants Steph to be a Blue Lantern. Which is in turn mostly just indicative of a massive ego, because Blue Lanterns are presented as literal messianic archetypes.

('Oh but it's a story Bryan Q. Miller wanted to do!!' Yes, and DC told him no, that's stupid, and made him use Barbara instead. BQM was a Smallville writer who confused Steph with a 1960s Broadway character, he is the last person you should listen to about canon)

Of the Bats, I think the one most eligible for Blue Lantern status is undeniably Dick, just due to the role he plays in DC's larger superhero society. I could definitely see Steve Rogers and Sam Wilson being applicable too.

The rest of the Core Four is trickier to pin down for me, personally. My gut instinct says Blue for Bart as well, partially because I think he's the one of the Flash family that best 'inherits' that aspect that made Barry the Blue Corps deputy in Blackest Night, and partially because of how he's been presented in the Infinite Frontier era specifically, as this bright bolt of color that rushed back into the world and brought the past with him.

But like. A part of me also wants to say that about Kon? Though I could also see him falling into the compassion-if-Indigo-wasn't-so-weird category, because that boy just cares so much for the people around him (in Hawaii, in Cadmus, in Smallville, in YJ and the TT, in the Superfam) and defines himself so much by his ability to be helpful and useful to them.

And Cassie, I'm inclined to put her in Green, with the temptations of Red, because she basically became a superhero through sheer gumption and repeatedly demonstrates her willingness to stand up to literal gods to do what she thinks is right; but there's also that anger and ability to do serious harm that Ares tried to cultivate within her that never completely goes away.

...so yeah, that's my (kinda rambling) two cents on the whole thing. 😅

[tom-holland-parker]

I Hate You???

Summary: You’re convinced Bucky hates you. Bucky’s convinced you hate him. Steve is just tired of hearing you both complain and finally decides to set you both up

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!reader

Word count: 1569

Masterlist

You sat on the kitchen counter quietly eating your ice cream when Steve and Bucky walked in, whispering amongst themselves. It took a few seconds before they realized they weren’t alone, pausing when they saw you. Steve smiled, “y/n would you consider yourself a hateful person?” 

You tilted your head in confusion, Steve wasn’t known for asking weird questions out of the blue. You stood silent, trying to think of a good answer, “No really” You shrugged, “If anything, I think I’m too loving” 

Steve chuckled, turning to Bucky with a smirk. You glanced at Bucky, watching as he gave you an emotionless stare. You sighed as you hopped off the counter and walked out the kitchen. You hated the fact that Bucky hated you and to make it worse, you didn’t even know why he hated you. 

When you first met each other things seemed to go great. You guys got to know each other and joke around. Within those few months of getting to know each other you had developed a crush on the tall man. Which is why it hurt more when he stopped talking to you a few weeks after your first mission together. Whenever you walked into a room he would always find some excuse to leave, and when he couldn’t leave he would talk to everyone but you. Steve always said you were crazy whenever you mentioned it to him, but deep down you couldn’t believe him. A large part of you just knew that you liked a man who hated you.

As you walked out the kitchen Steve sighed, turning to Bucky, “I don’t understand what you’re talking about”. Bucky rolled his eyes, “She hates me, I just know it”

“The girl literally just said she has a problem of loving too much” Steve said as he grabbed a beer out the fridge, “In fact I think she has a crush on you”

Bucky let out a chuckled, grabbing a beer of his own, “No she definitely hates me, she won’t even look at me, she just walks away whenever she gets the chance”

Bucky leaned back against the counter, remembering the countless times you would walk out of the room when he was around. It really hurt him to know that the one person he’d had romantic feelings for in years, hated him. He sighed, finished his beer before getting up to walked out the kitchen, “It’s whatever, I’ll just find someone else”

Steve stared at his feet in concentration, trying to figure out ways to get the two of you together without actually spilling your secrets. He used to find it comically, how you both liked each other but thought the other person hated you. He would always find himself laughing whenever one of you mentioned it, but he became worried when he noticed how sad it was making you both. 

He smirked, coming up with a plan to get you two together. It was very simple actually, something straight out of a Romcom you forced him to watch. He just needed to wait for the right moment.

///

“Hey y/n remember when you asked me to teach you boxing” Steve said as he poked his head into your room. You looked up from your book, “Yeah” you said with a nod

“Well today’s the day so get dressed and meet me in the training room in about 10 minutes” he said, closing the door before you could respond.

As you got dressed Steve made his way to Bucky’s room, poking his head in without knocking, “Hey, Sam is planning on putting magnets and stickers all over your arm so you might want to get rid of his stickers before he gets the chance. He hides them in the training room” He said with a goofy smile as he walked shut the door. Bucky stared at the door in confusion but sighed, getting up from the bed to walk to the training room. 

Steve smiled to himself as he walked into the security room, watching from the cameras as you made your way downstairs. 

“Steve” You called out in confusion. You crossed your arms when you got no response, “Steve this isn’t funny I’m not wasting a new sports bra on your stupid jokes” you shouted as you looked around the room. 

Your head quickly turned when you heard the door open, your heart speeding up when you realized it was Bucky walking in. You stared at him in silence as he looked at you in confusion, “Where are the stickers?” He asked 

“What are you talking about?” You chuckled, “I'm supposed to -” you were interrupted when you heard a loud beep from the intercom. Steve chuckled quietly before clearing his throat, “You’re both probably wondering why I’ve bought you here today” He said through the intercom. You looked around the room at a loss for words. “Well it’s come to my attention that you both need to talk. So I've locked you both in here and you're going to stay in here until you talk things out. Think of it like a date" 

You let out a deep breath, frustrated with everything Steve was doing. Bucky sighed sitting on a bench against the wall. An extremely awkward tension filled the room, unsure who should talk first. The intercom beeped again, "I'm not seeing any talking. I could do this all day" 

You stared at the camera, sticking your middle finger to the screen. Your head turned as you heard Bucky chuckle, "What are we even supposed to be talking about?" He asked, crossing his arms 

"there's a bunch of things we could talk about" you shrugged, laying down in the mat, "he was never specific"

The intercom beeped again, "you need to talk about each other. Now stop wasting my time and start talking" 

You rolled your eyes, "piss off Tinkerbell"

"What happened to you not being a hateful person? You seem to be pretty hateful now" Bucky said with a smirk

"I don't appreciate being locked in a room against my will" You said not bothering to look at him. "Why are you here anyway? Thought that arm of yours could break through these glass doors" 

"It can but who says I want to leave?" He said as he got up, laying next to you. You chuckled, "oh so now you want to spend time with me"

His brows furrowed in confusion, "what are you talking about?"

You sat up slightly, propping yourself up on your elbows, "you haven't spoken to me in months. You constantly ignore me and alway look emotionless when you're around me. As if I suck all the life from you"

He head turned towards you quickly, "what are you talking about? You've been doing that to me"

"No I haven't. You've been acting like this since we got back from that mission we did" You rolled your eyes, it made you even more mad that the butterflies in your stomach fluttered every time he talked.

He scoffed, "that's not tr-"

"Bullshit and you know it" you interrupted, "I just don't get it. Why?"

"Why what?" He raised his voice slightly, clearly getting frustrated. You assume it was due to your attitude, however it was actually the fact that his heart was skipping a beat with every word you spoke. 

"Why do you hate me?" Your voice practically cracked from your frustration.

He remained quiet, all words seemed to disappear as shock took over his face, "I hate you? I thought you hated me. Do you know how hurt I was when I realized the one girl I've liked in years hated me?" It was terrible and now you think I hate you" he rambled, unaware of the words coming out his mouth. It took a few seconds for him to realize exactly what he said

Your eyes widened, "You can't be serious right now" you let out a stressed chuckle, "you're telling me that I've had a crush on you for months and you thought I hated you. I baked you a cake on your fucking birthday and you thought I hated you"

You wanted to pulled all your hair out at how stupid you sounded. The room fell silent again as thoughts took over both your minds. It was a few minutes later when Bucky spoke first. "I'm sorry" he said with a sigh as he ran his fingers through his hair. "I didn't even realize I was doing that. It's my first time having these kinds of feelings after years of being numb and alone. I just thought that if I hid them and ignore you then they would go away"

You slowly sat up, your eyes never leaving him, "I'm sorry too. I should've made an effort instead of just jumping to the conclusion that you hated me"

The room fell silent again, the two of you had not else to say but couldn't stop staring at each other. Both wonder where you go from here. 

You sighed, "Bucky-"

"Do you want to go on a date with me?" He interrupted. You were taken aback by his words, not expecting such bluntness.

"Yes" you chuckled, "preferably one where Steve doesn't listen to everything we say the entire time"

The intercom beeped, Steve's laughter filling the room, "you guys could've left at any moment. These doors don't have a lock".

[dragon-kazansky]

Dangerous | Helmut Zemo

AU! Race car driver Zemo 😎

Gender neutral reader

Collage by @realremyd

[Masterlist]

[Previous chapter] - [Next chapter]

Part 3

The next morning, after breakfast at the hotel, a call was made up to your room. It wasn't until you put the phone down that you realised you didn't have a way to contact Zemo. It was good he knew where you were staying. You would have to make sure to get his number later.

It felt strange to think about that. If he had your number, wouldn't that be like taking the next step? Were you getting carried away with this? Probably.

You couldn't ignore the fact you liked Zemo.

You never expected to develop a crush on a racing driver. It seemed like he liked you too, but you didn't want to get too carried away. This might very end up being a one time thing.

You make your way down to the lobby. Zemo is waiting for you. He looked so extra, but so stylish. A fur collared jacket, driving gloves, sunglasses on his head.

He turned when he heard you approach. His face lit up with a smile as you got closer to him.

"Good morning."

"Morning. You're looking smart today," you look him up and down, not so subtly checking him out. So much for trying to feel in that crush.

"Thought I would make an impression on you."

"You already did."

Zemo smiles at that. There was a proud feeling in knowing he had you hooked. Perhaps this would lead somewhere, but he would see. He didn't want to rush things and ruin any chances he may have with you.

He wouldn't do that.

"Ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

Zemo leads you outside where another fabulous car is parked. You look at it, top to bottom. He can tell by your expression you're impressed.

"Just how many cars do you have?"

"Many. I could show you my collection if you like," he says, walking over to the car and opening the door for you.

You chuckle and climb in.

Zemo takes his sun glasses and puts them on as he gets into the drivers seat. He grins at you as he sets off.

You roll the window down and let the wind mess up your hair, wanting to feel that free feeling you got that first time. Even just sitting next to Zemo brought about all kinds of exciting feelings.

Zemo turned on the radio as he drove through the streets. There was a little drive to get to the garage his race car had been taken to. This gave him some time to bask in your company again.

He could get used to having you around all the time. In fact, he would love that.

Zemo considered himself more of a solo racer. Tony Stark always had fans hanging about, 'dates' in his stand watching him race. Zemo only ever had his pit crew waiting for him at the end of a race.

It was beautiful out. Even more so when you excited the town and got onto more open roads. You had no idea where he was taking you exactly, but you couldn't complain. if he got to see sights like this every day, that was amazing.

You glanced at him. He was tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, in time to the music playing on the radio. He looked so relaxed and in his element.

Feeling your gaze on him, he turned to you with a grin.

"What is it?"

"Nothing. You just... look so at home."

He laughs, the sound joyous and wonderful. It makes your heart skip a beat.

"I live in the drivers seat."

You laugh with him.

"What do you say we speed this up? Just like last time," he peers at you over his shades.

"Alright. Thrill me."

You didn't need to say any more. He pushed his foot down on the pedal and you laughed as the car sped up. With such ease, the car glided down the road. Not another soul in sight as the scenery became a blur, just like that first day.

No rules. No restrictions. No Stark.

Just two people enjoying each others company on the open road. What more could a man ask for?

In the distance, you spot a building. That had to be where he was taking you.

"Where is this?"

"It's an old air strip. Hasn't been used in decades. I come here to drive often. I asked my team to bring the car here so we can take a look at it, thought you may also appreciate the area."

You smile.

"It's stunning. There's nothing else around for miles."

Knowing these roads like the back of his hand, he speeds up further, gliding along the rear of the way with ease. Your laughter just fuels him to go faster.

You reach the air strip in no time. He slows down on the approach and pulls up right outside the hanger. He gets out first and opens your door for you. You chuckle as you take his hand and climb out.

Even with your hair all wind struck, you look stunning to him. He won't tell you that though.

You both head inside.

There it is. His race car. He exterior looks pretty good, just scuffed from where Stark's car collided with it, but nothing too serious. The crew were busy working away on it as you both approached.

"Who's this?" A voice asks from your right.

"This is Y/N, my new friend," Zemo says, introducing you. "Y/N, this is Sam. He is very good with cars."

"Nice to meet you." You shake his hand.

"Likewise."

"What's the damage?" Zemo walks over to his car.

"The engine gave out. That's all."

"That's all? It cost me a win," Zemo narrows his gaze at Sam.

"It could have been a lot worse. We'll have it fixed in no time."

"Good. I need to win the next one, and the other two to beat Stark. He cannot win them all." Zemo stands upright after looking over his vehicle.

"Trust us, we're on it."

Zemo doesn't give him any more of a response and returns to your side.

"Want to look around a little?"

"Yes please."

He places an arm around your shoulder and guides you out of the hanger. You're blushing from his touch. It almost felt like you were made to fit against him like this.

You both go to stand near the car.

"How come you have such a big rivalry with Tony Stark?" You ask, gazing up at him.

"He doesn't like the idea that I'm better than him."

"Humble."

"Honest. Stark is an engineer and a genius. He can build a car from scratch. I know the ins and outs of cars. I know how to make them better, how to improve them. My cars are better than his, and he is threatened by it."

"Sounds petty."

Zemo shrugs. He is not ashamed to admit he is better than Stark. His whole vendetta is to prove it. He just doesn't have many chances left to do so.

"Aren't you worried?"

"No," he looks you in the eye, "I'm certain."

"Does nothing scare you?"

"Not yet."

There is no expression on his face. You have no idea what's going on inside that head of his. You knew he knew what he was doing. This was his job, his passion. That didn't mean the risks didn't apply to him.

For some reason, Stark's words came to mind. "He's dangerous." Not just on the track, he had said.

Was he?

Who was this man standing before you? His personal information was almost non existent online. Other than his racing background, there was nothing about him. You didn't even know where he was from. His accent suggested not from around here.

Did you dare ask?

No. You didn't want to. No matter how curious you were...

"Would you like me to drive you along the strip?" He asked, nodding across the field where you could see the straight road.

"Yes. Don't go easy on me."

"Wouldn't dream of it," he grins.

You both get into the car and he wastes no time in driving over to the strip. This car doesn't even remotely come close to his racing car, but he'd be damned if he didn't leave you thrilled after this.

He lines up perfectly. You hold on tight and smile at him.

Wheels screeching, whole body jerking, and nothing but the wind blowing through the window. With all his skill and precision, the car speeds up in handled ease. This man knows what he's doing.

You trust him with your life.

You wanted to thank your friend for bringing you to the races that day. If she hadn't, what would you be doing now? Working? Sitting at home? Studying?

Nothing nearly as amazing as this.

Zemo brought life into your world, and you didn't want it to end.

At the end of the runway, he turns the car with ease, though the power causes you to lean toward him as he turns the vehicle around. He almost reaches out for your hand, but focuses his attention on his driving. Back up you go.

He glances at you from the corner of his eye.

Could it be that there was one thing he wanted more than winning against Stark?

No, he didn't think so.

The car comes to a screeching halt at the end of the runway. Heaven knows how his tyres are doing.

You grin at him once the car stops.

"I'll never get tired of that."

He chuckles.

"That pleases me to hear."

Your phone rings. You apologise as you pick it up and answer it, disappointed it was ruining your fun.

"Hello?"

"Y/N? Hey, how was the race yesterday?" It was your friend.

"Oh, uh. It was good." You lied. It hadn't ended as you had hoped.

"Great. What time does your train get in tomorrow? I have something super exciting to share with you."

"About 2 o'clock I think."

"I'll be there to pick you up. Oh my gosh, you will not believe what's happened. I can barely contain myself. I'll speak to you soon."

She hangs up.

You stare at your phone, confused. She sounded super excited, whatever that was about.

"Problem?"

"Uh, no. Just my friend calling. She's going to pick me up from the train station tomorrow."

"I see. It's a shame you do not live locally. I would get to see you every day," he smiles.

You're blushing again.

"You'd get board of me really quickly," you say, tucking your phone away again.

"I doubt that."

"With your lifestyle? Definitely."

"I may live an exciting life, but you are a rare treasure any man would be lucky enough to have in his life."

"Are you flirting with me?" You ask, eyeing him suspiciously.

"That depends, is it working?"

You laugh.

"It might be."

"Then yes," he says, grinning like a fool.

You both sit there and laugh.

"Allow me to drop you off back at the hotel."

"I'd like that."

Much slower, he drives back to the hanger to alert the team he is leaving. They wave as you both leave.

The ride back is a lot more gentle, more casual. The radio is turned on, but the volume is low. Zemo is just basking in your presence.

He can't admit that he will miss you once you're gone.

The ride is over much sooner than he would have liked. Once again, you both sit there together.

You pull out your phone.

"Can I have your number?" You ask, biting the bullet.

He grins smugly.

"Already making a move?"

"Shush. Can I?"

He nods, taking your phone and putting his number into your contacts. You smile as you take it back, pretending his gloved fingers didn't brush against yours.

"I expect to hear from you," he says.

"I promise."

You go to get out, but he stops you by grabbing your arm lightly. You look at him, a little confused.

"Remember what I said."

"About what?" You ask.

"Come to the races, and I'll take you in a date."

You bite your lip.

"I haven't forgotten."

"Good."

He stays there until you've gone inside, out of sight. His phone suddenly feels heavy in his pocket, waiting for a text or call.

He was in deep, he just didn't know it yet.

He thinks of you as he drives off.

@ajeff855 @moonstuffsteve @sky-writes-stuff @lieutenantn @lostghostgirl94 @friday18eo @yaskna @my-blood-is-maple-syrup @gingerwriter97 @lunamooney2406 @wilder-fangirl @nectav @whovianayesha @thesuitkovian @cathrin2405 @deathtothepatriarchy @belle82devart @dxrksxul06 @killeromanoff @alex-the-nb @latenightartist-author @hb8301 @goddessofmischief03 @xxidontwikeitxx @themeanestlittlewitch

[orionshounds]

I’ve been knee deep in dsmp lore streams and I just want to ramble about it

Dream smp lore is so good, it’s so good!!! Not only is the story itself just fascinating, but how it’s presented so uniquely through the medium of minecraft of all things is just so cool. One of my favorite parts of the lore is seeing how everyone on the smp has their own “style” they present it in, and watching them find the way they find the most enjoyment in is so cool. Literally no two streamer’s lore stream quite like each others and it’s just incredible! It just speaks to the flexibility of roleplay as an artistic medium and really shows everyone’s individual personalities. 

Wilbur was dramatic as hell and wrote eloquent speeches. He started a drug operation under the guise as a country, and it lead to a revolution in which he was able to explore the spiral of a man who loses control of everything he had built. And after his arc and he wanted a break from the server? He created ghostbur, an amnesic comic relief with just enough touch of tragedy that he is still able to make heartbreaking monologues when he wants to.

Tommy is able to run around with his friends and cause as much chaos to his heart’s extent, but there is so much more than meets the eye. He is incredibly social and isn’t afraid to start conflict with a lot of people, bringing them into the roleplay. He doesn’t back down from storytelling either. His character goes through terrible situations and he fully explores the trauma that comes from those experiences. His character goes against the “stereotypical” trauma I see alot in media; instead of being shy or scared he’s reactionary, he’s angry, he’s violent, he’s depressed. I’m actually really impressed with the heavy subject matter this 17 year old teen has managed to portray (I’ve connected with it quite personally at certain points), while still being able to keep the light hearted fun that’s so intrinsic to his personality. 

Tubbo isn’t really interested in serious lore as much. Even in dire moments he tells jokes and just has fun. So, in his recent lore, he just streams as normal while putting mysterious writing on screen that he doesn’t acknowledge or have to explain, which I think is just a genius work around for him to participate in lore. He still has his dedicated lore streams sometimes, and when he is in the acting zone he has some of the most powerful moments out of everyone on the server.

Ranboo, while having stake in the greater smp lore, is much more character focused. He presents his lore through long monologues and fucking heart-wrenching voice acting. He loves working in themes of horror and causing a specific feeling in the viewer. So he chooses specific music as a themes for events/characters and creates visual queues in his overlays to draw out that desired reaction. He also values improve a LOT, if something unexpected comes up he just runs with it and he has made huge changes to his lore as early as 30 min before a stream.

Technoblade, while arguably one of the most powerful people on the server, prefers a more light-hearted yet dramatic approach to lore. When Dream was at his house looking for Tommy, Techno had no problem joking around and making fun of him for being homeless. He tore down an entire nation on the server and had so much fun doing it! He’s more of an antagonist than a true villain in my opinion. And lets not forget how dedicated he is to the game, he’s cracked at the craft. He spends hours grinding and creating farms on the smp, for amazing pay offs (his several vault reveals, the withers, etc), most of which weren’t even on stream!

Karl Jacobs is extremely social, so he created Tales from the smp as a way to involve TONS of people in lore while exploring the past and future of the server (it was also a way for viewers who weren’t that well versed in dsmp lore to join and not have to worry about it!). And through this premise, he took the opportunity to develop his own character on the smp; making an incredibly tragic story of a time traveler trying to save his home while slowly loosing his memories. Not to mention the beautifully shot cutscenes of the Inbetween and the Other Side. He includes so many people behind the scenes as well, collabing with other members on lore, hiring building teams and people to make intros and credit scenes, and promoting fanart and fansongs from the community!

Quackity explores his lore through heavily scripted events and amazingly shot cut scenes. While the way he expresses his lore comes at the cost of improv, the payoff of the visuals and story is well worth it! The shots he makes of the smp is downright gorgeous, no to mention he’s the first person to include irl footage in his lore (not counting facecams)! He’s not afraid of thoroughly examining his own character, being one of the only people I can think of that shows us “past events” leading up to something that has already happened.

Badboyhalo, Antfrost, Ponk, Skeppy, Captain Puffy, Punz, Awesamdude, Hannahxxrose all work together on shared lore and the payoff is amazing! By introducing the Egg, a constant antagonistic force that constantly pulls on character’s relationships with each other, everyone is able to stream together to battle for or against the egg! There’s also plenty of room for people to do individual lore that's more intimate to their respective character. They spend hours changing vines, putting up posters, slowly shaping the smp in a way that makes it exciting to watch streams to see just what has changed everyday. Because there’s so many people necessary to tell the egg’s story, it does comes at the cost of time (the egg has been around FOREVER). However, they all work together super hard and I just admire their commitment to the story they’re trying to tell!

And Sam! He has several different “Modes” his character is in (and an entirely separate character, Sam Nook) that he gets to explore lore with. He’s a terrifying warden, he’s a money motivated businessman, he’s a conflicted lover, he’s a traumatized victim of the egg, and just so much more. Through having so many different “roles” in the rp he gets to explore relationships and plotlines with a whole array of people. Not to mention he’s absolutely cracked at redstone and has some of the most impressive builds on the server.

And Puffy! So much of her lore is calling into question the morality of the server and really makes you step back and think critically about the characters. Her character also has, in my opinion, one of the most interesting relationships with Dream, the main antagonist of the entire server, which is just fascinating to watch unfold. Not to mention she’s one of the first people to start exploring the backstory of her character!

George doesn’t exactly do lore. In fact he’s slept through so much of it it’s become a meme. And you know what? That mad man took that and ran with it. He explains his absence in the story by having his character literally being asleep through it, creating mystery where there used to just be an absence. He’s able to goof off with his friends and have borderline nonsensical streams, then at the end sucker punch the audience emotionally by “waking up” and have the viewers question just what was real and what wasn’t?

The smp has the freedom for people who want more independent lore to be able to explore their character’s that way as well!

Hbomb, Connereatspants, and Purpled don’t have a lot of lore on the smp, generally only coming on to have fun with everyone, but when they do have their moments it unfolds in very interesting ways!

Sapnap, Eret, and Schlatt maybe aren’t as active as some other people, but when they are on they actively participate in lore and have lasting impacts on the story (Ex: Eret’s betrayal, Sapnap’s visit to dream in the prison, Schlatt becoming president).

Philza mostly does his own thing, improving the server or making some bomb ass builds. He has incredibly devastating roles in lore (killing wilbur, blowing up L’manberg for the final time, starting the syndicate with Techno), but he also has quieter moments that speak to the depth his character has, such as fishing with fundy or reminiscing about his dead son and how it went so wrong. Like Techno, he doesn’t like to take lore completely seriously, often laughing no matter what’s happening or teasing chat after something big goes down, but his character is solid with a lot of potential for future lore.

Foolish has only started on his character and its already super interesting. The hints at his dark past as a “god of death” and his current conflict with the egg are intriguing as fuck. Not to mention the MASSIVE builds he does for everyone, helping to progress their lore as well.

Fundy has a lot of freedom with his character to participate however much he wants in lore. While generally he’s a trickster who loves to prank people he has enough tragedy build into his backstory he’s able to break the viewer’s heart with a flip of a switch. Not to mention his recent, almost surreal, stream that explored his character’s disturbing dreams that may or may not predict the future.

Niki is very character driven, exploring her character's grief of losing her best friend and her anger of being ignored in the very country she helped create. She has incredibly emotional moments, and even though she’s on her own building an underground city she still participates in other lore via teaming with jack manifold or the syndicate.

Jack Manifold’s lore is VERY character focused, and while he’s described his story as a “B plot that occasionally intersects with the main plot”, the story he tells is still fascinating. Being pushed aside not taken seriously his whole life, his character develops into a fun cartoony-esque villain who begs to be taken seriously, that has the depth of a truly conflicted person who is torn between wanting revenge on everyone who’s done him wrong and just wanting a friend.

Last but not least, the man himself, Dream. The most fascinating thing about his lore is that absolutely none of it is from his pov. All we know about his character is only from what we see from everyone else’s povs, and in his case it leads to a very intimidating villain! Not to mention, mans owns the damn server and yet has made himself the main antagonist! He is the only character I consider a “true villain” on the smp. His voice acting and writing is downright sinister. I could write a fucking essay on how his character’s obsession with power has led him to the point he thinks himself an unstoppable god

Everyone on this server is stunning and I love all of them!!!!!

[lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks]

In relations to my last ask, how would you write Danny revealing his ghost identity to Sam and Tucker? Set somewhere in the month between Danny being vaporized by the ghost portal and the opening episode.

sorry for sitting on this one for a couple days, I didn't have the spoons to go into the answer I felt it deserved

I know there have been fics and aus about Sam and Tucker not being there during the accident, but it's been so long since I read one so I guess it's time for my take on it!

Danny would have been Freaking Out after it happened, like he sees his reflection and realises that something fuckin' weird absolutely just happened to him, he might not twig at first exactly what it was because he figures he could be hallucinating or his vision could have been fucked up by the light in the portal, it isn't anything serious right?

the power surge from the portal would have alerted his parents who come down into the lab and they go absolutely buck wild with joy that the portal finally worked!! and oh my god Danny you weren't standing too close to it right?

Danny's thinking 'why the fuck aren't they saying anything about the white hair and glowing eyes' but he glimpses back at his reflection and it's totally normal again, okay so maybe it was a hallucination okay that's good

his dad is pretty much doing a victory dance while his mum is scanning him for any contamination, she says his readings are abnormally high and they should keep an eye on him and run some decontamination procedures

boy goes back to his room feeling pretty shaken up, he probably calls Sam and Tucker immediately to tell them what happened, he might mention that he was seeing things after coming out of the portal but everything seemed to be fine now, he feels really cold tho

his parents pull him out of school for a few days to keep an eye on him but nothing especially unusual happens, he mentions to his parents that he feels cold all the time and they keep checking his temperature and ectoplasmic readings

it's an unpleasant few days, he has to scrub his skin almost raw in the shower and wash his hair three times in a row every night, as well as drink a fuckton of water and take a diuretic to flush out his system, they make him take some kinda medication they developed that's supposed to keep him from absorbing any more radiation than he already has, it makes him really sick but they keep making him take it

but in the end despite feeling incredibly unwell his readings DO go down and his temp DOES climb back up so the Fentons breath a sigh of relief and just tell Danny to make sure he tells them if he feels sick again or if anything unusual happens

what they DON'T realise, is the treatments worked to flush what was currently in his system and on his skin, but it didn't do anything for the fact that he was now producing his own ectoplasm, which very readily began to replenish itself after the initial purge

he goes back to school and tells his friends all about his terrible last few days, and suddenly Sam is looking at him in alarm and whispers 'dude your eyes are glowing'

Tucker looks over like 'what do you mean? they look fine'

'they were absolutely glowing! like just for a second they were-'

'bright green?' Danny asks, mildly panicking

he tells them exactly what he saw in the mirror when he came out of the portal, and they finally start wondering if maybe it wasn't a hallucination

they go hide in some empty classroom somewhere and discuss what should happen next, Tucker thinks Danny should tell his parents, Danny does not want to go through another few days of decontamination procedures, Sam sides with Danny, mostly because she's generally anti-parent in general but also because she thinks that the Fentons' methods sound dodgy as hell because of how sick the medication made him

'I mean have they even tested those meds properly? how do they know it won't make him worse?'

it's at this point that the school-bell rings and Danny falls through the desk he was leaning on

Sam and Tuck think he just slipped, Danny also thinks he just slipped, but Danny also noticed that he felt really weird and tingly for a moment there

in class his pen keeps slipping out of his hand, in science he drops two beakers and is barred from handling anything fragile for the rest of class, he finds himself feeling weirdly lightheaded and motion sick at random moments, his stomach flipping and his feet feeling almost like they aren't completely touching the floor

he doesn't know that it's his body very momentarily ignoring gravity, not enough to make him float completely but just enough to make him feel weirdly unanchored to the ground

Tucker is very much convinced that Danny should tell his parents about this, Sam thinks he should probably go to a hospital instead, Danny thinks telling his parents is probably a good idea, but he's highkey terrified of them making him take that medication again, they kept assuring him that it's harmless to humans and the sickness is just a reaction to the ectoplasm in his body, but he knew that each time they made him take it he felt more and more like whatever was in it shouldn't be in him

so in the end he decides that he'll wait to see if the side effects go away on their own, so far they don't seem to be hurting him, and he'll take being lightheaded and dropping stuff constantly over taking those meds and feeling like he's got pins sticking into every nerve in his body

(like it was Bad, kid's lowkey traumatised)

and then in class he falls right through his chair, nobody sees what happened, he was at his desk and now he's on the floor, everyone laughs it off but after school Danny drags his friends around behind the gym to tell them what happened

he is freaking out, totally panicking and that's when Sam and Tucker notice his appearance change, it's wonky at first, flashes of light keep sparking off him and his eyes are glowing on and off, his hair is flashing streaks of white and his clothes keep shifting into something black

Sam snaps him out of it with a slap, but instead of going back to normal his whole body flashes and suddenly he's in his ghost form

he is SUPER confused about why he's in his hazmat suit again and why the colours are all wrong and Sam and Tuck have to tell him 'uh dude, that hallucination definitely wasn't a hallucination'

then a football comes flying past and some jock chases it behind the gym and see them standing there and is like 'what are you two losers doing back here'

and Sam and Tuck are like 'two?' and they realise that Danny isn't there anymore, the jock grabs the ball and runs off again

then Danny reappears

cue all three of them freaking out

the fact that he's fighting ghosts without hesitation in the beginning of the first ep probably means it isn't the first time it's happened, he's probably down in the lab with his friends, showing them the portal and telling them exactly how his accident happened, when something comes flying out

it immediately attacks them and Danny probably goes instinctively into protective mode, he transforms and lobs a punch at one of the fuckers, and it hurts it, a lot, he grabs it and hauls it around, throwing it back into the portal

Sam and Tuck are just like 'holy shit dude you kicked ass' and Danny's just like 'uhhhh I dunno what happened guys but that felt really super cool'

he turns back to normal as his dad comes downstairs and gets all excited about the three kids being interested in the ghost portal, cue opening of the first episode

at this point Danny is pretty convinced he's going to tell his dad, but Jack doesn't give him a chance to say much before going off on his monologue

and then the portal opens up again and the ghost comes back, this time with friends, Danny barely thinks before he's throwing himself at the ghosts, kicking their asses and lobbing them back into the portal, he turns around completely expecting to have to explain himself and finds his dad SOMEHOW hadn't turned around even once during the whole fight and by a miracle didn't notice anything unusual

Danny loses his nerve and transforms back without telling his dad anything, and then we have the events of Mystery Meat where he's still struggling to control his powers and whether or not to tell his parents

soooo yeah that's my take ~ hope you enjoyed

[gubler-me-up]

Sky’s the Limit

Request: Hi! This is oddly specific so no worries if you don’t do it but I was wondering if you could do a Spencer X y/n where he (and the team) find out that Y/N has gymnastics training or trapeze training or aerial silk training and Spencer is just like 🤩 Thanks! Love your writing!!

A/N: Thanks for the request, anon! I’m not gonna front and say this one wasn’t a challenge to think of a good concept for. All I knew is I wanted to make it about aerial silk because it’s such an amazing talent. To my surprise, this turned out better than I expected and I hope you really enjoy it! Btw do you do gymnastics, trapeze and/or aerial silk? If so, kudos to you! (Btw I left the song choice up in the air, but while I was writing I was listening to The Weeknd - Loft Music)

Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!reader

Category: Fluff

Content warning: None

Word count: 2.8k

-------------

“I know it’s the weekend and all, but you’re sure in a rush, Y/N,” Morgan remarked.

You were running late for your dress rehearsal for your aerial silk performance at an open talent show taking place at National Theatre DC. You had done aerial silk dancing for years as a hobby. It was hard keeping up with it while working at the BAU, but an old instructor of yours contacted you about the opportunity. You thought it was a great chance to finally display your hobby to the masses.

“I’m running late for an appointment,” you said as you grabbed your bag.

“Oh? A Friday night “appointment” huh? Who’s the lucky guy?” Morgan asked.

You chuckled. “Not that sort of appointment, player.”

“Damn, I thought a certain someone finally made a move on you,” he said.

You were going to ignore his comment and be on your way, but you were curious about what he just said. You raised an eyebrow with a mischievous smile on your face. You went up to his desk and sat on the edge of it.

“Certain someone?” You asked.

He chuckled. “Oh yes, a certain someone. Matter of fact here he comes now.”

Morgan looked over your shoulder, so you followed his gaze. You saw Spencer walking up to you guys with a smile as he nervously latched his right hand onto his satchel strap. You didn’t think he liked you more than a friend, but according to Morgan it seemed as if you were missing something. So much for being a profiler.

“Hey, Y/N. Are you busy this weekend? I know you love classic French Noir films and they’re playing Pépé Le Moko tomorrow night, so I was wondering if you wanted to go watch it together,” Spencer asked.

You looked at him surprised before looking back at Morgan. He gave you his favourite expression: I told you so. You looked back at Spencer. He had an eager, glowing smile on his face. You were close to saying yes to him just by his enthusiasm.

You sighed. “I can’t this Saturday, Spence. I have a commitment I already have. I’m sorry.”

“Oh, that’s no problem. I should have asked you earlier,” he said.

“Yes, you should have,” Morgan chimed in.

Spencer gave Morgan a strong glare as he was getting ready to say something. Before you were put in-between another fight of theirs, you grabbed onto Spencer’s upper arm and gently squeezed. You were kind of surprised to feel a little muscle on him.

“Spence, have you been working out?” You asked.

He blushed. “Not really by choice. Morgan’s been forcing me to join him on his gym sessions.”

You looked over at Morgan. “You’re forcing Spence to work out?”

He shrugged and put on a sly smirk. “What can I say? I thought we should all gain as much upper body strength as you have, Y/N.”

“I don’t have any upper body strength,” you said.

Spencer grabbed your right bicep and gently squeezed it. You looked at him as he had his thinking face on. He soon noticed you looking at him which led him to let go of your arm and awkwardly clear his throat.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to do that. I was just admiring your bicep form. It’s well developed, even more than Morgan’s,” he said.

You giggled. “I don’t think my little muscles can compare to Morgan’s.”

“This time the kid might have a point. You have some serious bicep action on you. What’s your secret?” Morgan asked.

You hadn’t exactly told anyone on the team about your aerial silk training. You kind of liked keeping this certain talent hidden from the rest of the team. You were also nervous if you had them watch it would be the one time you’d mess up and break your arm. It was silly for you to think the worst would happen if your friends saw you perform since they were your safety net.

“I’ll tell you two another time, but for now I’m running late. See you two Monday,” you said as you picked up your bag.

“Have a great weekend, Y/N,” Spencer said.

You turned around and waved. “You too. Tell me how the movie is on Monday.”

“Will do,” he said.

You turned back around to make your way out of the bullpen. From behind you could hear the clacking of heels running towards you. You knew exactly who it was before you turned around.

“Y/N, hold on,” you heard Garcia say.

You looked at your watch. It was nearly six o’clock and you weren’t even out in the parking lot yet. You turned around and put up your wrist to show Garcia.

“Pen, I have to go,” you said.

“But I was wondering if you wanted to go-“

“Really, Pen, I have to go. I’ll talk to you later. Bye.”

You rushed towards the elevator before she could chase after you. You didn’t want to be any later than you were already running. Whatever she had to tell you she would just text or call you about it if it was important.  

Your dress rehearsal went well and you were proud of your performance. You thought your choice of song added to the performance immensely. You felt as if you were dancing on air and you didn’t even think of all of your muscles having to work on overdrive to make sure you didn’t fall. You didn’t even think you worked this hard to take down an unsub.

You were on your way to the change room to get dressed and go get something to eat. You were starving since you didn’t have any time to stop and get food. Your food would have to wait a little while longer since you heard your instructor call out your name. You turned around to see him walking up to you.

“What’s up, Sam?” You asked.

“Well, I noticed you hadn’t asked for tickets for your guests. There are a few extra tickets if you have anyone to give them to,” he said.

You shook your head. “Thanks, Sam, but I don’t have anyone to give them to.”

He raised a questionable eyebrow. “Really? No one from your job? No friends you want to invite? Family?”

“My family lives in another state and so do most of my friends and the rest are busy this weekend. Thanks for looking out though,” you said before turning around.

“How about your coworkers?” He asked.

“They’re busy,” you said as you started walking away.

“Well, can you at least think about inviting some people? It would be nice if people in your circle could see how talented you are,” he said.

You stopped walking and turned around to look at him. He stared at you with such a proud expression on and you couldn’t help giving in to him. All he wanted was the best for you because he thought you were the best.

You stuck out your hand. “Give me the tickets.”

His face lit up as he reached into his pockets and pulled out the extra tickets. There were only two extra tickets. As you took them from him, you pondered on who you would end up inviting.

“Can’t wait for your performance tomorrow, Y/N. I’m sure your friends will enjoy it,” he said.

You smiled. “They sure will.”

With that little exchange over and done with, you went to the change room to get ready to go enjoy the rest of your night. It was the perfect night to grab some pizza, lose yourself in the universe of YouTube and fall asleep on your couch. What you really couldn’t wait for was relaxing all your muscles in a hot bath.

As you changed, you thought about the two extra tickets. It would be nice to have someone or in your case two people from the team to come by and watch you. In your head though you couldn’t get over this worry of embarrassing yourself in front of them. It was whatever to mess up in front of people you didn’t know, but in front of people you saw nearly every day was nerve-racking.

You took out your phone from your bag and went to your most recent text messages. You didn’t see a text from Garcia which meant whatever she had to ask you wasn’t that important or she found someone else to fill your spot. Either way you were glad she didn’t message you. You wouldn’t be able to bear her sad, puppy look if you rejected her invitation to any sort of outing.

You would ask Garcia to come but she seemed as if she had other plans in mind. There was JJ or Emily you could ask but JJ was busy on the weekends being a mom and Emily was always busy doing kid-free activities. Inviting Hotch or Rossi would be cute because they were like father figures to you, but at the same time you kind of liked them to be father figures from afar. Morgan probably wouldn’t shut up about your strength for weeks and encourage you to tackle more unsubs, so he was out of the question.

You opened your text conversation with Spencer. He liked artistic performances and according to Morgan he also liked you. It would be the perfect opportunity for you two to bond beyond work. Maybe you’d even take him out for ice cream after to celebrate. You’d have to make sure he’d take his Lactaid first though to make his ice cream experience enjoyable.

You started to type out the question you were dreading to ask anyone on your team. I’m performing an aerial silk routine. Interested in coming? I have extra tickets. You stared at it for a long while before erasing the whole thing and stuffing your phone back in your bag. You couldn’t gain the courage to do it and you knew that. You just took the extra tickets so Sam would stop begging you to bring people to the show.

In due time you would let the team know about your hidden talent, but your first public performance wasn’t the best time to debut it. You’d probably give the tickets to some people on the street and hope they would attend. You picked up your coat and bag to start your journey home. You had a long night of pizza, baths and nerves to overcome.

You paced back and forth as you waited for the act before you to finish. You were closing the show, so your adrenaline was pumping hard. The pressure you felt to end the show with a bang was unreal. You just wanted to represent the artistry of aerial silk as best as you could.

“Ready for your big break?” You heard Sam say from behind you.

You turned around to look at him. “Born ready.”

He chuckled. “With all that pacing you’re doing, it’s hard to believe that statement.”

“Oh, so you’re a profiler now too huh?”

“Not a chance. I’ll leave all that psychological horror to you, but I do know you’re nervous about your performance. I’m here to tell you you shouldn’t be, you’re amazing at what you do.”

You smiled. “I guess so.”

“Well, I know so. Especially with your friends in the crowd, you’ll feel even more confident.”

You were silent. He looked at you confused and then in shock. You quickly looked away from him before he could inquire about the tickets. It was too late for that plan though.

“You didn’t invite your friends? What did you do with the tickets?” He asked.

“Gave it to this lovely couple on my way home yesterday. Rachel and Keith are sitting in the front row as we speak,” you said.

“You what? Y/N,” he said in frustration.

“Do you hear that? I think I’m up next,” you said as you scurried on stage.

You walked to the centre of the stage and let your silks drop down to your sides. The crowd was cheering already which made you feel good inside. As you looked out into the crowd you could see Rachel and Keith, who were ecstatic to be there. You smiled as you continue to scan the audience with your eyes.

Your eyes widened when you saw a curly-haired man along with two blonde women, a dark-haired woman, a dark-haired man, an older man and a bald man. You squinted your eyes just to make sure you weren’t seeing things from the bright lights messing with your sight. It was true though, your whole team was there.

Before you could even process anything, the music started to play which meant your routine had to start as well. You decided it was time to just let it happen. Obviously some greater power in the universe decided to bring your fears to the light and have you overcome them.

You grabbed onto your silks and started to gracefully entangle yourself in them. You made sure your feet weren’t too loose and your hands were holding onto the silks tightly. You swung, you flipped and you dropped in one swift motion.

The cheer from the crowd was unbelievable. You had to admit it was even better knowing the team was cheering along with them. Sam might have been onto something when he told you the satisfaction of hearing the crowd cheer for you was worth it. All the nerves, all the rehearsing, all the sore muscles. He was right.

Every move you did, you made sure it was done flawlessly. You felt on top of the world as if you were floating in the clouds. Nothing was on your mind besides the lyrics floating in your head as you did your whole routine.  In no time you were done your routine and found yourself not wanting it to end. The only thing keeping you alive in the bittersweet moment was the crowd giving you a standing ovation. You even heard Garcia scream at the top of her longs with praise.

You bowed and then the rest of the performers came out on stage to take their bows. The crowd kept getting louder to the point where you couldn’t even feel your adrenaline pumping heart anymore. It felt amazing to drown the sound out with praise and love from everyone. Especially your supportive team.

After you got changed, you went out to greet the team as they stayed around after to wait for you. You waved at them with a huge, goofy smile on your face. They all started clapping for you again with big smiles on themselves.

“Glad you guys liked it. How did you even decide to come here?” You asked.

“Well, little speed boat, I was going to ask if you wanted to go to this talent show on Saturday, but you left so fast I didn’t have the chance to. I then proceeded to get everyone on board with me to come see the show and to our very surprise you were on the pamphlet,” Garcia explained.

You blushed. “Well, thanks for coincidentally coming out to watch.”

“Why didn’t you tell us about this before? We would have definitely come,” JJ said.

You shrugged. “I don’t know, I guess I was just nervous about messing up in front of you guys. I’ve never performed in front of an audience before, so everything was very high risk for me tonight.”

“Well, you pulled it off. Congratulations,” Hotch said.

“Thanks so much, sir,” you said.

“You did so great tonight, Y/N. Reid over here was so starstruck that I think he was drooling a little,” Morgan said as he playfully punched the side of Spencer’s face.

Spencer sighed in frustration. “Don’t listen to him, Y/N. I was not drooling, but I was definitely pleasantly surprised by your act.”

“He was totally drooling,” Emily said.

“Jaw on the floor,” Garcia said.

“Eyes wide in amazement,” Morgan said.

You smiled as they just kept describing how Spencer looked while you were on stage. You looked over at Spencer. His face was practically red, but he tried his best to hide it with his hand.

“Okay, kids, that’s enough bickering for the night. Dinner’s on me. I’m feeling for Italian,” Rossi interrupted.

“You’re always feeling for Italian,” Spencer said.

“I’m trying to help you get out of this situation and you’re coming for me?” Rossi said.

Spencer instantly looked away as if nothing ever left his mouth. Everyone else laughed as they followed Rossi out of the theatre. You and Spencer trailed along behind everyone. You grabbed his bicep again. Not to squeeze it, but to hold it close to you. He noticed and looked at you with his face still red.

“You know, even though Garcia, Morgan and Emily’s claims were exaggerated, I thought you were incredible tonight,” Spencer said.

You looked up at him and smiled. “I’m glad you think so. Seriously though, were you as starstruck as they claimed? Even a little?”

He smiled. “Maybe just a little.”

You giggled. “I’ll make sure to set up a VIP for you the next time I perform.”

He chuckled. “I’d love that.”

—–

MASTERLIST

[sassyfreakshepherdgiant]

Notice Me

(Jack Kline x Reader!Winchester)

Summary : Jack had become your first real friend since leaving home and living in the bunker, however things begin to change between you two. Jack becomes jealous when you take notice of another guy and decides to explore his feelings for you.

A/N : I HAVE TO GET THIS OFF MY CHEST! Takes place in season 14 so Dean would have been around 40 years old for reference. I don't think it's a stretch to believe that Jack's mind could develop rather quickly, I mean he was researching folklore on his own by six months for God (Chucks) sake. And I am sorry, but if we can believe in Wincest we can believe in this. I suck at summaries, so buyer beware :)

Warnings : None....So far

Jack had become Y/N's first real best friend since Y/N left home two years ago when her world was turned completely upside down. Y/N's mom had been attacked by a demon, she later found out, while Y/N was at a Friday night football game. Y/N came home just in time to find her mom barely breathing and Y/N's mom told her to call a "Dean" and Y/N swarmed to find a said "Dean" in her phone.

What lead from there was uncovering your mom's secret past life as a hunter and your dad, who Y/N's mom had said died when she was a baby. In a letter Y/N discovered her mom had said she only wanted "better" for Y/N. Well as fate would have it "better" was living in a bunker in Kansas with an overbearing dad who had a slight drinking problem, an incredibly selfless uncle who forced you to do homework, and a grandma who you were pretty sure still didn't accept the fact that she was a grandmother but tried the best she could.

In all of this craziness Jack had become your one steady force, he protected you, and you protected him.

Friday movie nights with Jack were your favorite and tonight was no exception, you were introducing Jack to 'The Notebook' and Maggie had asked to join as well.

"How hot is Ryan Gosling Y/N?!" Maggie squealed as you three huddled around the laptop on your bed. "Ugh, if only I could find someone like him!" you confirmed your affliction to Maggie.

Your response was met with a puzzled look from Jack, "What do you mean Y/N?" Jack asked. "I find the male actor in this movie attractive; you know what that means right Jack?" Your question stifled a little giggle from Maggie and you gave her a disparaging look. "Yes, Castiel explained that to me, I am a fast learner you know." Jack shuffled before getting up to leave the room.

"Jack where are you going?" Both Y/N and Maggie yelled at the Nephilim before turning to each other with a shrug and continuing the movie.

Jack laid in his bed but had no intention on trying to sleep tonight, his mind was moving a mile a minute. Why did it bother him that Y/N had been so interested in the man from the movie?

Jack had started to take notice of his differing feelings for Y/N than the others in the past few months, the way his heart fluttered more when she was near, his overwhelming need to be closer to her and protect her. He almost craved her presence.

Jack had tried explaining the way he felt to Castiel, surely he would know the answer to this, but Cass had told Jack to ignore the human feelings. Castiel explained that it was Jacks human reaction and emotion to another human but it was not to be acted on. Castiel explained that not only could it be dangerous for the two of you but Dean wouldn't hesitate to put an end to that.

All of this still left Jack puzzled so he decided to do his own research. BAD idea, the things he found online were, well they left Jack even more disturbed. Jack decided he wanted Y/N to notice him in the way she noticed that man.

It was a typical evening in the bunker with everyone around the table researching various ways to end Michael, finding any odd cases to work to get out of said bunker, and for Dean? Eating.

Jack was sitting directly across from Y/N and he found himself now more than ever, distracted by her. The way Y/N's hair fell around her face, Y/N's perfume, a present from Mary, and her beautiful...

"Ahem" the sound of Castiel clearing his throat shook Jack from his daydreaming. "You are staring very hard at Y/N, perhaps don't." Castiel said quietly but sternly to Jack, causing Dean to take notice of their whispering. "Something you'd like to share with the class Cass?" Dean asked. "Um no, I didn't realize you were teaching, my apologies." This caused a giggle from Sam as Cass was no doubt very serious. "Funny" said Dean as he got up to grab another beer.

"I think I found something!" Y/N exclaimed, "A family of 3 found with their throats ripped out about 4 hours from here. Authorities are trying to say it was an animal attack." "Sounds like vamps to me" Sam replied. "Well let's get to it!" Dean shouted while shoving a sandwich in his mouth before Jack interrupted, "Y/N perhaps you should stay here?" This caused everyone to turn to Jack "Um what?" Y/N said "And get to miss out on leaving this bunker? I think not! What's wrong with you?" Jack didn't reply and instead retreated to his room.

You quietly walked to Jacks room to find him sitting on his bed looking at the wall. "Jack what was that all about?" Y/N asked sitting down. "I'm sorry, I just get worried that you may hurt yourself. You're my friend and I don't want to lose you." Jack said shyly.

Your heart skipped a beat "Stop it" you thought to yourself. "Jack, this is what I do for a living, this my life, you have to trust me." Y/N said looking Jack deep in his eyes. Jack shook his head "You are right, I trust you. Y/N can I tell you something?" "Sure, you can tell me anything" Y/N said without hesitation. "I just, well lately I've noticed that..."

"BOOM! TIME TO ROLL IF YOU'RE COMING!" Dean bellowed into the doorway throwing it open, inadvertently interrupting your conversation. "Come on let's go!" Y/N said grabbing Jacks hand and pulling him along.

"Maybe it's for the best, maybe she doesn't feel the same way" Jack thought.

[starrybouquet]

On Seasons 9 and 10 of Stargate SG1

A note: I wrote a series of essays several weeks ago, when I was feeling particularly crappy. I'm not particularly proud of them--they're pretty dramatic--but they do explain several of my more personal fandom feelings. I know I don't always tend to be the best at explaining things on the spot, so I'm posting these with the hope that I can refer people to them the next time that happens.

Um, I mentioned they're a little dramatic. I'm really, really sorry about that. But hey, if I can't be dramatic on Tumblr, in fandom, where else is that gonna go?

But still - if you're feeling a little sensitive today, maybe you wanna skip this. Or not. Just a light warning. :)

This piece is on seasons 9 and 10 of Stargate SG1, but they aren't all Stargate-related. I'll be posting them in the next few days, hopefully.

To those of you who like s9-10: I have nothing against you. Some of you I know better, some less well. In general, though, I like you, you seem like fine people. This is not about you, I hold nothing against you for liking those seasons. In fact, I envy you. This is more a personal post about why I'm an idiot. If you want, feel free to scroll down past this. I won't be offended. I'd put it under the cut but I'm on mobile.

Okay. Why, hello, those of you willing to read this rant...

No matter how much I denounce and ignore it, I cannot get past the pain of seasons 9 and 10 of Stargate SG-1. I've never watched them in full. Seen a few episodes here and there.

I cannot, repeat, CANNOT stand the thought today. It hurts.

It's an old pain, and it's not just SG1. SG1 is just one of the highlights in a long line of books and shows that have repeatedly broken my heart by being SO GOOD and then taking an, uh, precipitous right turn, shall we say. Because a hard right seems too kind, and a precipitous drop too harsh.

I love SG1. I love love love it. I like the plots and I love the science, but what I really fell in love with was the characters.

I loved all of them. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: if Sam, Daniel, or Teal'c had been on any other show, I guarantee you they would have been my favorite by far. Jack is just so...Jack that he has to be my favorite. That's SG1 for you.

I've never had super close friends. I have good RL friends, don't get me wrong. They're nice people. But we don't have much in common.

That's okay. That's been my experience forever--really nice folks who maybe didn't always get me or have anything to say to me, but were good, decent people.

And this is good. Really, it is. It's just that SG-1, for me, has always represented the promise that there *are* people out there that are your true friends, and you will do brave and brilliant things with them. It will happen.

It's naive, I know. But I haven't been able to let it go. Maybe someday. But not right now.

Which brings me to s9-10 of SG1. It hurts.

It hurts that SG1 scattered to the wind.

It hurts that they sent Jack away from a place where he was happy, where he'd found friends and meaning in life again, away to fucking DC. To be...what? A politician? I could write a whole post just about this. Actually, I have. I could still write more posts about it!

It hurts that Sam went to Area 51, and nobody seemed to mind, the 'Gate didn't spontaneously combust as we were always led to believe it would.

It hurts that Daniel's personality supposedly changed that much, in the absence of his friends. Though some of his lines are funny, they aren't the earnest, idealistic, thoughtful Daniel I fell in love with. I get the idea that new-look Daniel would roll his eyes at s3-8 Daniel, and beat up floppy hair Daniel. And floppy hair Daniel is my baby and anyone who doesn't appreciate his brilliance can face my wrath. That includes you, buff s9-10 Daniel, and also whoever decided/approved that change in characterization.

Really, the only one who doesn't hurt is Teal'c. Because it feels like he's moving forward, toward happiness.

So...here we are. Season 9. Mitchell, Landry.

I often say I hate Mitchell. Do I resent him for replacing Jack? Yes. I do. We can talk about plot reasons and all that, but at the end of the day, I was going to hate anyone who tried to be Jack.

This is true in real life, too. You can't try to be anyone else. You've gotta walk your own path.

Now, people say that I didn't give Mitchell a chance. I say that the way he was portrayed, in the few episodes I've seen, tells me enough.

I can think of lots of ways Mitchell could have been interesting. How would Daniel and Teal'c react to an old, actually bad tempered (not Jack bad tempered, actually bad tempered) hardass after eight years of their best friends leading them? Or--start with his actual character. Mitchell, he hasn't been at the SGC. Wouldn't he get some flack from the longtime team leaders of SGs 2-5ish? They'd be insulted, right?

Or we could've gotten a nice Daniel Teal'c episode arc and then we could've had one Samantha Carter as team leader, though we won't get into that.

Bringing me to my next point. Co-leads?? Seriously?? You're trying too hard, folks. Telling me Sam used to know Mitchell does not actually make me like him.

Same thing with Landry. Unlike Mitchell, I guess I don't really have an opinion on Landry. He's just....there? No character development for this man.

Anyway, back to the team.

One of the things I love about SG1 is how the humor and friendship was so damn natural. Other than a few episodes (Urgo comes to mind), the plots weren't intentionally humorous. They were campy sci-fi plots sometimes, sure. They were funny because Jack was funny, yeah. They were lower budget than some other sci-fi. But they were as serious as sci-fi gets. It was how the characters reacted that made it funny.

Similarly, we were never told SG1 were found family. We just Knew. Because of the way they acted with each other. Because of the way Jack would "order" them to do things.

And hey, by the way, they weren't always family. Sam used to be less willing to ignore Jack. Daniel used to be less willing to trust Teal'c. Jack used to be a little more stern.

So...they meshed together. Like all found families do.

Every time I see a photo of new-look SG1 in seasons 9 and 10, I can't help but feel that they're trying too hard. I don't get the family feel because they aren't a family, damn it. It doesn't matter how many times you *tell* me they're super close. One of the reasons the original team got so close is because they all needed each other. Jack was depressed, Daniel was grieving, Sam was alone and had lost her mom and wasn't speaking with her dad and had never opened up to anyone in her life, Teal'c was an alien fighting for freedom after spending 100 years essentially as a slave.

And partly because of that, by season 9? Daniel and Teal'c (and Sam, when she comes back) don't need a family the way they used to. They have each other. They have Jack, or at least they *should*. *Glares in angry at Jack in DC vibes*

So...they simply don't have the relationship with Mitchell they do with each other.

It'd be different if Mitchell needed a family. It's not that SG1 hasn't added people before--I think Jonas is a perfect example of this. He wasn't Daniel, and that always hurt. But he was young, and naive, and innocent, and he needed SG1 because he'd left everything he'd ever known.

And that worked.

Without needing family, Mitchell is just a coworker. He can be a friendly coworker. A friend. But if he wanted to become better friends, family, he needed to show depth and vulnerability. He needed to need SG1.

And he never does, from what I've seen and heard about and read about. Or if he does need SG1, he doesn't need them badly enough to show more than an occasional bout of thoughtfulness before returning to his normal pale-Jack-imitation ways.

Now, I don't know why that is. I lean toward bad writing. I haven't watched Farscape (it's on my to watch list) but it seems like Ben Browder is a fine actor.

So, seasons 9 and 10 are probably fine TV. I'm never going to watch them through, so don't ask. I've tried and failed and every time it just tears my heart a little more and I'm won't be doing it again.

Those seasons...they just lost everything I watch SG-1 for, and so...yeah. I feel the hate strongly. Not because they're bad--I think they're different, not necessarily bad. My hate is only because in creating those seasons, they tore down the parts of SG1 that I loved most.

So s9-10 show me a few nice hugs and laughs? That's nice. I like comedies, I do. However...that's not my Stargate. Not the one I love. I liked the sarcastic one, the one full of wonder, the one where they had to scrape and claw their way through the galaxy with naivety and courage and brilliance. The one where they ate together, fought together, died together, were resurrected together.

It hurts, man. It hurts when the things I love turn into something that's lukewarm. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

That's why we have fanfic. And, with any luck, I'll actually start that AU I've been talking about.

It's fanfic, and so it'll be my Stargate. The ending I wanted--which really wasn't an ending at all, more of a closure of one chapter of the story.

Damn, did that turn dramatic. Um, sorry about that, and also sorry for spilling my feelings all over you guys. Thanks for reading, if you got to the end of this.

[lustheavens]

NSFW Alphabet - E

A/N: Hello! Here is another part of the NSFW Alphabet while I take my time writing the upcoming Paulie smut fic. I’m currently struggling a bit with everything that is currently going on in my private life so my motivation is not on top at the moment. But I hope that you will enjoy this one for now and hopefully I’ll be able to finish the fic within this upcoming week. Have a nice Sunday!

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Angelo

Because of his career before joining the Salieri Crime Family, Tommy never really had the time to meet women and the interest was probably never really there either. Therefor the experience in itself is lacking a bit when it comes to Tommy for that specific reason. He wouldn’t be completely out of it but he most likely wouldn’t be as smooth as the others at first. Sex is also not as frequent since Tommy’s sex drive isn’t as high as the other twos is. That being said I still believe that he would be good in the sheets, no doubt about it, and he would most certainly make sure to put all of his attention on you. Unless you’ve been teasing him he wouldn’t be very selfish in bed and would rather make sure to give you all the pleasure while still asking you to give him what he wants when he needs it. It would take a bit of exploring for him to know exactly what you like and don’t like, but to say the least you’d have a lot of fun in the process of discovering each other’s preferences.

Lombardo

Although Paulie would be all too familiar with how to please a lady, he’d be experienced in a different kind of way. Up until you came into his life, sex for him was nothing but a way of dealing with his stress, trauma and emotions. He used to be very careless with the girls he slept with at the Blue Tropics gentlemen club and he didn’t really care much about any of the girls he slept with. So, to say the least Paulie used to have quite a toxic view on sex. When the two of you became serious, however, Paulie learned how to work your body the way you love it and it would always be with outmost care and the intention to give you the best orgasm you’ve ever had. He went from being rough and completely ignorant towards the broads during sex to suddenly developing a sensitive side in the sheets when he fell in love with you. That being said Paulie would have experience in both fields; he can be very rough but he also know how to make sex really romantic and loving.

Trapani

Sam has always been popular with the ladies so it doesn’t come as a surprise that he is experienced when it comes to sex. Despite not having any serious relationships with most of the women, he at least tried to make the experience as pleasurable for them as well without neglecting his own wants and needs in bed. In fact, Sam would always put his own needs as the top priority. Much like Paulie there would never be any romantic feelings involved and it was mostly a way to get rid of stress and anxiety. When you came into his life the only thing that changed was that sex became much more connected to his emotions and feelings towards you. Sam is always rough though and he likes to spice it up every now and then by showing off his dominance in the sheets - but he’d always make sure that you’re comfortable and feel safe. His experience would not be kept a secret because this man knows exactly what to do to make your toes curl and the butterflies to go crazy in the pit of your stomach.

[luckthebard]

It has occurred to me there is a consistent through-line of CritRole fan reactions in both campaigns about how Sam deals with character conflict, development, and serious issues that has led to similar complaints about all of his characters. The complaints that “Sam’s making light of drug addiction,” or “Sam’s mocking the idea of a gay man coming out,” or “Sam’s making a joke out of alcoholism” all come from the same place of assuming that because Sam can make something uncomfortably humorous, he doesn’t take it seriously.

But he definitely does. It’s just that he also processes serious issues through comedy. And I get not preferring that kind of comedy; what I don’t get is constantly assuming Sam is acting in bad faith or out of ignorance or malice. Some more detailed explorations of this under the cut:

Part of the issue is a false dichotomy some people draw between A Serious Issue and Humor. Sam likes the conflict and discomfort of dealing with those things simultaneously. Assuming that no one would intentionally make those things to coexist leads to the assumption that the discomfort that comes with the humor (of things like some of Nott’s drinking moments) is a sign that Sam “doesn’t get it,” rather than that the discomfort is an intentional part of using humor to address serious issues. That is, you’re supposed to feel uncomfortable that you’re laughing.

Another example is Tary’s discovery of his own sexual orientation. I’ve long been kind of confused by the very different community reactions to Tary’s coming out moment. For me, it was relatable in its uncertainty and awkwardness, and hearing about a negative reaction after joining the fandom later surprised me. But I think the disconnect between the two reactions might lie here. That moment being uncomfortable but humorous? It rang incredibly true for me, and many other queer people I know. But the other interpretation assumes that turning such a discovery into a “joke” is inherently disrespectful of queer identities. And I think it really comes down to the extent you think humor (and especially “inappropriate” humor) can coexist with serious or important subjects. 

 And again, I get that that use of humor isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. But I wish more people who don’t like it could take a second to reflect on the intention behind combining the two things, and the fact that there is another way to interpret that kind of storytelling which is also valid.

[woman-loving]

“The SAM” and its critics

I guess I won’t make it a whole thing, but here are my thoughts on the “split attraction model.” (NB: This perspective is based on my own recollections and interpretations, but I don’t know all things. Different versions of the story may exist.)

To begin with, the term “split attraction model” was coined circa May 2015 by critics who were trying to name a phenomenon they took issue with. Going forward, “critics” will refer to this group who first coined the term, but they are not the only ones who criticize the language, components, or universalism of the “split attraction model.” (Example from theacetheist with lots of links.) The particular criticisms I’m concerned with developed around the time that monosexism discourse was dying down, and a group that had been critical of “monosexism” was exploring new topics to complain about. (I was one of the complainers, to be clear; that is not a disavowal.) Here are a couple sample posts from May-July 2015: one, two, three, four. Note the anons mentioning they can’t find anything about the “split attraction model”--that’s because there was nothing else written using that language!

Grumblings were eventually arranged into the sequence of words, “split attraction model,” and that term took off among critics who used it as a vague gesture toward a set of grievances. As I remember it, one of the primary targets was the paired sexual-romantic identity format, e.g. naming one’s orientation as --sexual --romantic. Also as I remember it, criticisms were primarily concerned with its use beyond ace/aro people, focusing on what might be considered bi-range “mixed orientations” like “bisexual heteromantic” or “homosexual biromantic.” It wasn’t too uncommon to see people say that these paired identities could work for ace or aro people, but didn’t otherwise make sense.

I believe connections were also made between these identities and the creation and cataloguing of specialized identities that detailed to whom/what and how/whether one experienced attraction. The people who advanced or approved of these projects, and the approach to sexuality/gender that seemed to motivate them, were scorned as “mogai.” Although I too scorned “mogais,” I never looked too closely at any “mogai” blogs; “mogai” was a category based mostly on impressions. The use of other subtypes of attraction (e.g. sensual, aesthetic, platonic, which may have been previously popularized among ace/aro people) as the basis for orientation-like labels such as “heteroaesthetic” or “homosensual” also provoked consternation, although I couldn’t tell you if these labels were ever seriously adopted by a significant number of people. As I understand it, “romantic orientation” was also popularized among aces, although this and other concepts that took inspiration from it were being used on tumblr by a mixed and overlapping group of ace/aro/lgbtq people.

Sometimes when critics invoked the “split attraction model,” they were imagining all of this as a single model of orientation, in which (they presumed) a “complete” orientation (as they were used to thinking of it) would entail listing out --sexual --romantic --sensual --aesthetic and whatever other dimensions people created. But I think that often times critics would be thinking mainly of the paired sexual-romantic identity format, which was more commonly used.

The objections were many. A lot of these revolved around the way “sexual orientation” and --sexual terms were defined by people who also used “romantic orientation,” --romantic terms, and other parallel dimensions of orientation and identity.

Critics were used to “sexual orientation” and “sexuality” naming something that encompassed erotic/sexual, emotional/romantic (e.g. being “in love”), and social/kinship (e.g. dating, marriage) elements. Likewise, they understood terms like “bisexual,” “homosexual,” and “heterosexual,” as well as “gay” and “lesbian,” as inclusive of all these elements. And, in fact, this is the typical way in which these terms are used by gay/bi people and activists and by almost anyone writing about these subjects in a serious way. Gay/bi people have often had to demand recognition for the emotional and social aspects of their relationships and desires, or (alternately) for the sexual aspects, and so there was some significance attached to affirmation of their integration. Critics didn’t believe that all elements always occurred together, however. There's general recognition that sexual interest can occur apart from being “in love.” And while there’s more social skepticism over this possibility, many of these critics would have also agreed that you could be “in love” without sexual interest. (Some critics identified as ace and/or sex-repulsed.)

Critics sensed that when “sexual orientation” and --sexual terms were being paired/contrasted with “romantic orientation” and --romantic terms (and others), the meaning of the former were narrowed to only refer to specifically sexual and not emotional/social components. And I think you can, in fact, see that reflected in how "sexual orientation” is explained by some people who use both orientations (and others). A while back I compiled a sample of definitions of “sexual orientation” from a few college LGBTQ groups and compared them with a few definitions from AVEN and AVENwiki, and the difference is apparent. (Some of those entries have sense been edited in response to my post.)

So I think there was a real difference in how people were using “sexual orientation” and --sexual identity terms. The critics were using them in the broader, mainstream sense, while others were using them more narrowly. For record, I don’t think the narrower version is objectively “incorrect” or anything like that, and I can understand why some people would like to use it. But it is different from how the terms are usually used, and how a lot of gay/bi people and others would like to see them used. And reading “sexual orientation” in the narrower sense when it was intended to be used in the broader sense can result in a very loaded misunderstanding. The same is true for words like “bisexual” and “homosexual.” There was a lot of concern that calling oneself “bisexual” would be interpreted as exclusively sexual-related information.

The use of “homosexual” itself was also criticized. This was (with reason) identified as a stigmatizing term that a lot of gay people didn’t want to be called. But within the “split attraction model,” this term, in its narrower re-sexualized sense, seemed to be the “correct” term for gay people.

There was also concern about who was adopting “homosexual.” Critics who were coming from anti-monosexism circles tended to value solidarity between lesbians and bisexual women and didn’t see either group as privileged over the other. But they also accepted that there was a fairly clean boundary between these groups, and that keeping this boundary unambiguous was important. The “mixed” sexual-romantic identities such as “homosexual biromantic” blurred the distinction between gay and bi, and were thus unintelligible until they were translated as “just a gay person” or “just a bi person.” This translation could go either way. When translated as “just a bi person,” “homosexual biromantic” was perceived as bi people appropriating a gay identity, and a disrespectful one at that. 

A clear division between “oppressed” gay/bi people and “privileged” straight people was also a key point in critics’ social-political worldview, and this mixed identities also blurred this divide, resulting in potential “just a (homophobic) straight person” readings. A “heteromantic bisexual” could be a straight person who just used gay/bi people for sex, and was further obscuring their privilege and homophobic by presenting themselves as non-straight.

Unprocessed internalized homophobia and biphobia were seen as explanations for the adoption of these identities (for either “just gay” or “just bi” translations). The use and promotion of these terms (among advice blogs or through LGBTQ glossaries, for example) was also seen as limiting the ability for young gay/bi people to work through internalized homophobia and biphobia. Having doubts about whether one could have a sexual or emotional relationship with someone of the same gender were seen as common uncertainties among young and newly-out gay/bi people, resulting from the suppression of same-gender possibilities by a heterosexist society. There was a perception that questioning people were being actively encouraged to accept these uncertainties at face value as natural, enduring aspects of their orientation. Even simple exposure to these identities could set people back in their self coming out process, and some people reported how adopting these identities had been a roadblock on their own journeys.

In conjunction with all this, there was a perception that these models of orientation were gaining ground and displacing the models they favored. It seemed easy for current and past broader uses of “sexual orientation” to be overwritten with the narrower version, and thus have the speaker’s meaning completely distorted. I think part of this sense of threat was due to the paired sexual-romantic identities--and other specialized identities that were being developed--following a very empirical-sounding format. It seemed easy to read these terms as a cutting-edge classification of newly observed patterns of human “attraction” and “orientation.” Models that didn’t include them could easily be read as lagging behind and incomplete, their omissions attributed to ignorance rather than an alternate vision of what was meaningful and important to name. This all seemed to lean hard on on a “scientific,” essentialist model of sexuality. And actually, critics themselves sometimes drew on a similar model of sexuality to justify the divisions they saw as important (e.g. between gay and bi). Unfortunately, although critics saw these paired and specialized identities as a clear folly of “going too far,” I think they found it difficult to explain why these terms that sounded even more “sciencey” and comprehensive (= authoritative), were actually wrong.

Anyway, I guess that’s about all I have to say on it for now. Feel free to let me know if you think this story is accurate or inaccurate.

[since0202]

Chapter 10: Alpha’s Orders

“So, she’s the spirit bird?” Jacob asked skeptically. 

“Apparently.” Sam shrugged. 

They were all back at Sam and Emily’s bungalow. 

“Oh ye of little faith.” Grace said confidently, smiling up at Jake. He smiled back. His eyes kept darting to her wrist where he had grabbed her so hard last night in his pre-phase anger. Grace could see it was bothering him and kept sliding her sleeve over her wrist to deter him focusing too much on it. They hadn’t had a minute alone yet. 

“So, he imprinted right?” Jared questioned the group. Paul stood with his arms crossed by the counter looking down with Emily next to him. Sam held up his hands. 

“I’m not sure, looked like it. But when we phased it didn’t feel the same, did it?” Sam said uncertain. Paul and Quil hadn’t imprinted but Jared had on Kim. Sam and Jared could sense that the connection didn’t feel quite like imprinting based on their own shared similarities with the feeling. 

“Do you feel drawn to her?” Jared asked Jacob. 

Jake looked to Grace, “I mean yeah, but don’t you all feel that?” 

This was accurate. All of the pack had a similar pull that Grace experienced, but that was part of the protect and shield qualities of being the spirit bird. They were a team so they were all meant to be near one another and protect each other. Jacob’s connection felt more intense though than Sam’s and it made Sam uneasy. 

Jared and Sam gave each other a look. Paul shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other keeping his gaze on the ground. 

“Yeah, but is it like-”

“Gravity?” Sam finished Jared’s statement, his eyes darting over to Emily. 

“Jesus, if he said he doesn’t know then he doesn’t know!” Paul spat. Everyone turned to look at him. 

“You okay?” Jake asked Paul. As he said this, Jake’s hand rested unconsciously on Grace’s lower back as a form of comfort at Paul’s outburst. This seemed to rattle Paul further. A shiver ran through him and he charged out the front door. Grace took an automatic step forward as if to go after him, and in her head she called out ‘Wait!’ to him. 

Jake looked to Grace for an answer but she shook her head. 

“It’s not gravity, it’s something else.” Jake said after a moment to the tense room. Grace nodded in agreement. It wasn’t gravity, but it was something. 

Grace nodded in agreement and whispered “Something.” 

At this, Jacob wrapped his arms above her shoulders and pulled her to him. Sam nodded at Jared to go after Paul, understanding that this was the extent of their answers for the day. Things would unfold in time. He watched Jacob warily from his space across the room and Grace could feel the tensions he was trying hard to dissuade from hackling and raising in his body. 

------

They spent the day out in the forest and around the beach. Grace showed Jacob how she could recast herself in different parts of the forest. Each time that she recast to her original spot next to Jacob on the beach, she hit the same mark every time. Sam took notice and raised an eyebrow. Grace gave him a sheepish look. 

It wasn’t that she hadn’t been trying before now, Jacob’s presence was so much more distinct to her. When Paul couldn’t be persuaded to come back, Grace was disheartened. 

“Let me try,” she said. Sam shook his head and to this Grace frowned. 

“He needs to cool off. I’m not going to put you in the line of fire like that.” Sam declared. To this she scoffed, 

“Line of fire? Like he would ever hurt me.” Even when she said it out loud she knew it was true. She had developed a close friendship with Paul since he was usually her designated driver home at the end of the night. They had spent the short ride back to her house talking about what they planned to do, what they liked, what their favorite colors were, and what was the easiest way to get under Sam’s skin. 

Grace turned up the beach to get to the tree line. 

“Grace, I said no.” Sam said sternly. To this Grace automatically halted and turned to face him. When Sam used his Alpha voice it was almost impossible to ignore it. She hated this feeling, it felt like turning to stone, or being lashed with leather straps that held her to the ground so she couldn’t move until she resolved to do the thing she was commanded to. When she realized what was happening early in her training, Paul had explained how it was the Alpha command and any time Sam did that, you didn’t have a choice. Paul had found the only way to get around it--get as far away from Sam as possible before a command was thrown at you. 

Seemed like Paul had the right idea. 

Grace gritted her teeth as she glowered at Sam. “Are you serious?” she eeked out. Jacob was frozen in place looking from Sam to Grace. He couldn’t move against an Alpha command either. 

“Don’t I look serious?” he asked and then quickly followed with, “Yes.” in the Alpha tone again. Grace crumbled inside. If she could recast in this moment to wherever Paul was, she would do it right now just to spite Sam. But she was shackled in place until she obeyed. Jake walked up to her and touched her arm reassuringly. 

“He’ll be back later. And if he’s not, we’ll go look for him,” Jacob looked to Sam for confirmation and nodded with a pained look on his face. 

“You should head on home, Grace,” Sam said decisively, “We won’t need you for training just yet since we still need to acclimate Jacob.” He looked to Jacob, Grace still frozen in place stubbornly. “Make sure she gets back and meet us in the clearing.” He gave a curt nod to Grace and headed off, phasing just beyond the tree line. 

Jacob turned to look at Grace worriedly.

“Grace-” 

She threw her head back and let out a guttural scream. Jacob, startled, took a step back and watched her, not sure how to help. When she finished she gave a dramatic groan and stomped her foot. Jacob let out a relieved laugh. 

“Don’t laugh!” she cried out. 

“I’m sorry,” Jacob as he was unable to hide a smile. 

“I absolutely hate when he does that.” Grace stated looking down at her shoes. 

“Yeah, well. Alpha’s orders right?” he said, a little unsure. “Come on,” he nudged her forward and when she gave him an incredulous look, he laughed and and wrapped his arm around her waist to guide her forward instead. She responded by wrapping both of her arms around his torso and walking awkwardly with him up the beach. 

When he closed her driver’s side door for her, he held onto the window frame and let his eyes fall to her wrist. A light purple splotch of pruises had started to appear around where he had squeezed the previous night.

“Grace,” he whispered, his eyes never leaving her wrist. “I’m-”

“Don’t. Really. It’s okay,” Grace reassured giving him a small smile. To this he reacted in anger. 

“It’s not okay. If anyone else had done this to you, I would have ripped their throat out by now.” 

“Sweet image,” Grace joked. 

“But the fact that it was me who did this to you, makes me sick.” Jacob was getting worked up now. She put her hand over his. 

“Jake, let it go. I know that you didn’t mean to hurt me. You were in the throws of pre-phase anger and I put myself in the middle of it. It’s okay. If I say it’s okay and that I forgive you, you have to let it go. Spirit bird’s orders,” She held her hand up in a boy scout salute. 

He rolled his eyes in mock annoyance and hoisted himself up and through the window to plant a quick kiss on her cheek before hopping down and jogging toward the tree line. 

“Call me later, little red,” he called out, not looking back. She turned the key in the ignition and smiled. 

---

When she got back to the house and placed her keys in the little bowl by the front door, Bella stumbled down the steps, her face red and puffy. Immediately Grace panicked. Was he back? Did he call? Why had she been crying? 

“Bella?” 

“Is he okay?” Bella asked. Grace breathed out a sigh. 

“Yeah, I mean, I think he’s okay.” 

“Billy said he was sick,” Bella said, a little confused. Grace hesitated while she quickly tried to gather a believable story. But not quick enough, “I’m gonna go see him.” Bella moved around her to reach for the keys. 

“Wait!” Grace finally spoke. “He….he has mono. You shouldn’t go. Plus, I don’t think Billy would let you in to see him right now. He wouldn’t even let me in,” Grace lied. Her stomach squirmed--she hated lying, especially to Bella. She was particularly perceptive. Bella raised a skeptical eyebrow. 

“Mono?” 

“Yes.” Grace said more forcefully. 

“But you said you thought he was okay?” 

“I mean, I assume so. Billy wouldn’t let me see him either. He was sleeping when I went over there. Explains the fever.” Grace offered. Bella put the keys down, still eyeing Grace. Keep your cool. Grace told herself. Years of sneaking out and practicing the tone of voice when she would tell her mother where she had been and what she had been doing in Oklahoma had trained her for this very moment. Keep and even face, maintain eye contact, channel calm. 

Bella gave a resolved sigh, “okay.” and climbed back up the stairs. Grace let out a breath of relief that she didn’t realize she had been holding. When she looked at the landline phone in the kitchen and then back to the stairs where Bella had receded, she quietly cursed herself. 

She picked up the keys again and shouted “I’ll be right back” quickly up the stairs before she hopped down the front steps and to the truck. There was no way Grace could be caught calling Jacob on the landline, especially if he was told to keep his distance from Bella, which Sam would have told him he had to do now that he phased. She needed a cell phone. 

-----

Even with the cell phone, Grace had a hard time reaching Jacob or even Sam. They were out consistently training and acclimating Jake much more seriously than they had when Quil phased. And for the first time since she had realized what she was, Grace felt wholly left out of the pack’s inner workings. 

What was worse, Bella was in a new state of mourning. Her new found friendship (?) with Jake was on the rocks considering he wasn’t allowed to see her and wasn’t returning any of her desperate calls. Grace would give her a sad smile when she saw her on the kitchen phone or clip her cell shut after yet another text went unanswered from him. 

“It’s fine, I’m sure he’s fine,” Grace tried to reassure her after a week of silence. But she herself was also suddenly in the dark. This felt intentional on Sam’s part and she wasn’t entirely sure why. 

“Have you heard from him at all?” Bella asked, one arm wrapped around her midsection as if she was trying to hold herself together. Grace hesitated. 

“No,” she answered honestly. 

“Maybe we should just go down there,” Bella looked to Grace for confirmation that this would be a good idea. But Grace couldn’t seem to find a solid answer. 

“Let’s just wait a little bit.” Grace said, trying to buy them more time. 

Why was she buying Sam time? He was blocking her out too. Jake hardly returned Grace’s text messages and when he did, he said he was too exhausted to talk or had just missed her calls while training. A wolf can’t carry a cell phone around with them easily. She was trying to be understanding, but the deep pain was growing again. Whether Jake realized it or not, he was calling out to her while telling her to stay behind. She was missing that certain feeling she always felt when she was around him. She missed his warmth. 

Bella gave her a look at disappointment and stared at her feet. 

“If we haven’t heard anything by next Friday, we’ll go down there together and bust the door down.” Grace promised. Bella nodded and they climbed the stairs together. 

That week, in between classes, Grace snuck outside to try and call Emily again. 

“Hello?” Emily’s bright voice answered. 

“Emily! It’s Grace. Is Sam there? He hasn’t been returning my calls and every time I’ve stopped by the house is dark.” Grace let all of the words tumble out at once. She had made a couple of attempts down the rez when she could sneak away without Bella or Charlie noticing at night. But every time she showed, there didn’t seem to be anyone home. When she would go into the woods to recast, she felt no sign of the wolves anywhere nearby. 

She did however feel an extremely unfamiliar and unsettling presence. A coldness that lingered in her bones long after she left the reservation. 

“Oh, Grace. Hi!” Emily said a little enthusiasm pulling from her voice. Grace picked up on this and frowned. “Um, Sam’s not here right now.” a pause, “Maybe try tonight? I think he’s just been busy running drills.” A pause. 

“Bullshit.” Grace finally said. 

“Excuse me?” Emily’s voice piqued in that way a mother’s would. 

“You heard me,” Grace pushed back. This was getting ridiculous. “He’s there and he’s been avoiding me. Let him know this is a warning. If he doesn’t get back to me, he’s not going to like the next time we see each other.” Grace threatened. She had no idea what exactly she was threatening but a heat rose up in her so strongly that she could feel the ground shiver under her feet. 

Another pause. 

“Okay.” Emily said. 

“Great.” Grace clicked her phone closed and ran a hand through her hair. It was looking more and more like she and Bella would be taking the ambush approach. But why she even needed to take this route was even more confusing. Weren’t they a team? Why was she all of the sudden on the outs? She vowed to get to the bottom of it and hoped against hope that when they showed up on the reservation the wolves would at least be around for her to track. She’d have to find a way to ditch Bella in the process though which didn’t fill her with ease. 

---------

SMS Text – 9:42 pm : Sam 

I promise I will clue you in on everything once we get a handle on the situation. 

SMS Text – 9:47 pm : Grace

What situation? I can be on the rez in 20 minutes to talk. 

SMS Text – 9:56pm : Sam

No, don’t come to the rez now. 

I’ll come to you this weekend. 

Promise 

SMS Text – 10:07 pm : Grace

I know one of them is there Sam. 

I felt it when I came to the rez looking for you guys. 

They’ve crossed our lines. 

I’m nowhere near ready and I haven’t even trained with Jake. 

We’re out of time and I’m not waiting on you. 

SMS Text – 10:09 pm : Sam

Don’t come to the rez again until I say. 

Alpha’s orders.

SMS Text – 10:11 pm : Grace

You know that doesn’t work via text right? 

SMS Text – 10:15 pm: Sam 

I mean it Grace. 

Grace rolled over in her bed where she had been frantically texting Sam from and dropped her phone on the bed beside her. This was really getting old. It was already Wednesday and Friday was fast approaching. It took all of her energy to keep Bella from going down to the reservation every day and now Sam was trying to Alpha her via text message to stay away. That wasn’t happening. She started to drift off after thinking of how many ways she wanted to strangle Sam when her phone lit up with a new text. 

SMS Text – 11:02 pm – Jacob 

Don’t come to the reservation right now, it’s not safe. 

We’re taking care of it. 

Grace stared at the double text for a solid minute and rolled her eyes before deciding to clip it shut and turn over to go to sleep. Okay, this was getting really really really old. 

----

On Thursday during lunch, Grace was laughing with Angela and Jessica about a comment Mr. McCarthy had made in their English class while Bella quietly ate her food and nodded every now and then at Mike and Eric’s conversation about dirt bikes. This momentary distraction gave Grace some much needed relief from the drama of the past week. 

Grace got up to take her trash to the trash can that sat by the double doors that led outside and down the staircase to the parking lot when she saw a familiar figure. Confused, but elated, she glanced back at the lunch table making sure everyone was preoccupied before she slipped out into the drizzle and bounded down the steps. Leaning against his old forerunner with a light sweatshirt and cargo shorts was Paul. 

When Grace got down the last of the steps she took off running and launched herself at Paul who gladly responded and laughed grabbing onto her and hugging her back. 

“Oooh, it’s good to see you,” he muffled. 

“You too! I was starting to think you guys didn’t exist. How are you?” Grace said as she pulled back and took a step back too look at him. 

“Yeah, I’m okay.” 

“Really? Because I haven’t seen you since you took off on the beach that day. What happened?” Grace asked gently. 

“It’s nothing, just lost my temper is all.” Paul played it off crossing his arms. “Anyway, I came to talk to you.” 

“Oh?” Grace said surprised. “You and no one else it seems. Everyone’s ducking me.” Grace crossed her arms to mirror Paul. He smiled and looked at the ground. 

“Yeah, well not me. I don’t agree with Sam keeping you out of the loop with what’s going on right now.” 

“Thanks,” Grace breathed, genuinely surprised. Paul was always kind to her, but this was him going directly against Sam it seemed even if there wasn’t a specific order. Maybe Sam didn’t think he need to give one about this. 

“You’re welcome,” Paul looked at her with an intense warming look that made Grace blush. Okay, get a grip Grace. She said to herself. “Anyways, I’m sure you already picked up on this, but a vampire has been on our land. We’re tracking her but she keeps bouncing in and out. She’s fast.”

“I assumed as much. But wait, why doesn’t Sam want me there for that?!” Grace asked. 

“Weeeeeell,” Paul looked everywhere but at her. 

“Hey! I thought you said you came here to tell me what’s up?” Paul looked at her and reconsidered for a half second. “Paul. Come on.” she almost begged. To this he perked up and gave her a smile. 

“Sam doesn’t want you on the rez for two reasons. The first reason is because he’s feels you’re untested and is worried you’ll get hurt. Jacob agrees.” Paul threw in that last bit and tapped his foot nervously. 

Grace fumed. So this was some weird helicopter wolfing. Some ridiculous plot to protect the protector. She was only untested because Sam had stopped the training as soon as Jake phased and now she was left out of the loop. She bit the inside of her cheek, crossed her arms and kicked at the pavement. 

“And? What else?” Grace said, trying to keep her voice even and failing. 

“And the second reason I’m not at liberty to say.” Paul said this slowly. Grace’s eyes shot up to his face and her anger was palpable. 

“Are you fucking serious?” Paul was taken aback a little by Grace’s reaction. She was so fed up with the Alpha orders. 

“I-” Paul started. 

“Sam gave a specific order not to share information with me?!” Grace’s voice started to rise. 

“Hey, come here. It’s okay. It’ll blow over.” Paul crossed the short distance between them and wrapped her in a hug, but she was done. She pushed away from him and turned quickly, making her way back up the staircase. 

“I have class, I gotta go.” 

“Grace!” Paul called after her. As she reached the side doors of the cafeteria, she heard him slam his car door and peel out of the parking lot. 

Sam was in for a rude awakening if he thought he could install orders to distance her from her destiny. 

[thewarlocknerd]

Alright I’m on a MAJOR Cobra Kai binge so bear with me

I am sick and tired of people acting like Daniel is the villain of Cobra Kai! I don’t get why people act like Johnny and the Cobra Kai kids have never done a single thing wrong while simultaneously blaming Daniel for everything that’s happened even in the original Karate Kid film.

Stop blaming the abuse victim(Daniel) for the actions of his abuser(Johnny)

Now I love Johnny just as much as the next person but that doesn’t mean he didn’t do some messed up shit in the original film.

Daniel didn’t start any trouble with Johnny, JOHNNY was the one who harassed his ex-girlfriend when she clearly didn’t want to talk to him, threw down her radio in a fit of rage, and then beat up Daniel who was merely trying to return the radio to Ali! 

Those scenes of Johnny explaining the situation to Miguel and Carmen are supposed to show how Johnny is STILL trying to avoid any responsibility for his wrongdoings and should seriously not be taken as fact!

I truly believe for Johnny to become better his character development must involve him coming to terms with his past actions towards Daniel and sincerely apologizing to him.

Now to what this essay is really all about: Daniel Larusso has some SERIOUS trauma as a result of Cobra Kai’s actions!

Trauma from almost being murdered by Johnny and his gang twice(being pushed off that steep hill on his bike and being almost beaten to death in front of the fence) on top of the bullying and harassment he faced from them in school(the soccer incident, anybody?)

Johnny and his gang didn’t leave Daniel alone for weeks, they kept harassing him on a daily freakin’ basis which pushed Daniel to retaliate at the Halloween dance.

(P.S. I could go into a whole other essay about how the events of The Karate Kid Part 3 gave Daniel even further trauma related to Cobra Kai but first, y’all seriously need to watch that movie so we can discuss). 

All of Johnny’s development so far has happened only with the Cobra Kai kids so I don’t want to see anyone say that he’s ignoring how much better Johnny has become when Daniel has been privy to Johnny openly assaulting his employee Anoush and then deciding not to call Daniel the exact same night Sam and Robby came to his house after Moon’s party to refusing to let him see his drunk daughter who had not come home the night before( I understand Johnny’s intentions but that’s just not something you do to a parent who just found out where their missing child has been).

Daniel Larusso has major PTSD that has affected his choices within the series and he absolutely needs therapy in order to stop letting the past define his present. He is not some rich sell-out or self-centered jerk or whatever titles are being used to demonize him, Daniel Larusso is just...human.

[writingfromkitchenator]

Lucifer ~ Victimised

Alphabet Challenge Masterlist (700 Followers)

Masterlist

Sequel to Part 1: Ensorcell | Part 2: Pride

Words: 1,509

Warnings: Neutral Reader, angst, bad/toxic relationship, mortal wound reader death

You kept your head down, unable to look at any of them, unable to bare the guilt you know you'd see in their eyes.  In all your years of hunting, you'd never felt so helpless before, and you were at a complete and utter loss on what to do about it.

How did you handle always knowing that you would lose?

Lucifer chuckled next to you.  "Don't look so dejected gentlemen, this plan was put in motion long before my dear little hunter here even came into the picture.”

No more tears would come. You felt empty, barely even registering his hand resting on your shoulder.

"There was nothing any of you could do about it.  So why don't we just let bygones be bygones and move things along?"

Your feet blurred for a moment, as if tears were actually threatening to spill, but it quickly cleared. There was nothing you could do anymore, there was nowhere to go, and you had done the one thing you shouldn’t have.

“Sammy, are we really going to keep playing this cat and mouse game, it is so boring.  I think it’s pretty clear from here that I have already won, so why keep fighting it?”

“Why didn’t you talk to us?” Dean asked angrily, his question directed at you.  “Why didn’t you come and tell us what was going on?”

Your body visibly shuddered as Lucifer’s arm wrapped around your shoulders, but you kept your eyes on your feet.  “You wouldn’t have believed me.”

“Wouldn’t have believed you?”  Dean growled. “After all that we’ve been through, don’t you think we’d have the slightest clue on just how to handle something like this?  That we would be the only ones that would have the slightest idea of what you were going through?”

Lucifer chuckled.  “It’s all well and good to claim that Dean, but we all know deep down how that conversation would’ve gone.  There’s more to my little human than meets the eye, or have none of you ever noticed the little witchcraft talents?”

“Y/N,” Bobby’s voice was quiet, almost broken, and that hurt you more than anything.  “Is that true?”

“I dabbled,” You said weakly.  “And found I could do it rather easily.  I never…I never put anymore thought into it than that.  This was never what I wanted.”

“Dabbled indeed, summoned me out of sheer curiosity.”  Lucifer squeezed your shoulders, making you flinch.  “But a little angel and demon blood will do that in the right person, as you should know by Sammy alone.”

The glint of silver in Lucifer’s hand caught your eye and you couldn’t help but stare at his sword, the hopelessness growing in your chest, knowing that this was the worst thing you could’ve done.

Lucifer ruffled your hair. “Aren't you just the cutest?  All that misery and self-loathing.  Don’t worry, you’ll get over it eventually.  You’ll see things my way.”

“No,” Dean said firmly. “This ends now.  You let Y/N go and then you go back to Hell you son of a bitch.”

You took the risk, glancing back up at Dean, your heart in your throat.  The three of them were anger, there was no doubt about it, but there was also a concern for you, at the tight grip Lucifer had around your shoulders.  Despite what you had done, they still wanted to ensure that you were safe.

Lucifer rolled his eyes. “Don’t you idiots get it yet?  Y/N is mine, will always be mine.  You want me to go back to Hell, that’s exactly where Y/N will go too.  There is no escaping it, running from it, or trying to find a way out of it.”

Sam’s jaw clenched and his hand gripped Dean’s shoulder to stop him stepping forward.  “I made the choice against you, just as Dean did with Michael.  There’s no reason Y/N can’t do the same.  We will not just be victims of whatever sick game that angels and demons want to play.”

“Please,” Lucifer’s hand slipped into your hair, tugging your head back, making you flinch.  “Do you really want proof of how much Y/N is bound to me?”

There’s nothing the three of them could do as Lucifer’s lips hungrily claimed yours, fire igniting throughout your body, following him without question, needing the kiss as much as air itself.  A shudder goes through you, making you whimper, your heart echoing in your ears, every fibre of your being craving his even as he pulled away, his eyes dark, flashing red for a brief, hungry moment.

Bobby’s grip was tight on both Sam and Dean’s arms now, holding them both back, your gaze breaking away again, shame flooding you.

“There’s your proof,” Lucifer said coldly, his sword spinning in his hand, his other still holding onto you.  “As if my sword wasn’t enough.”

“Walk away Y/N,” Sam said through gritted teeth.  “Just ignore him and walk away.  Make the choice now before it kills you.”

You knew he was right, you knew that that was how it should be, but your feet were solidly planted on the ground, and no matter how much you stared at them, they refused to move.

“If you desire them that much Sammy, then you could just say yes,” Lucifer chuckled.  “Then we can both have what we want.”

“I want to protect Y/N,” Sam said coldly.  “Whereas you simply want to use.  We all know that you won’t keep them around Lucifer, not once you’ve gotten what you want.”

Lucifer said, his expression surprisingly serious.  “That is where you are wrong, and it wouldn’t matter how far my little hunter got away from me, I’d always find them, or they’d always come running back.”

You hated hearing those words and knowing that they were true.  It was so hard to be able to face that fact, especially when you knew Sam, Dean and Bobby knew that Lucifer spoke the truth as well.  Everything was just spiralling further and further out of your control.

“Now, this is getting rather dull,” Lucifer said, finally letting you and go and taking several slow steps forward.  “So let’s just stop these games, shall we?  We all know that you will say yes, to both myself and Michael, so how about we just move this along and get it over with.  There's no fun in resisting.”

Sam, Dean and Bobby were talking some more but you let their voices fade away, your gaze raising to watch Lucifer, his entire focus on the three men standing before him.  Slowly, a plan began to form in your mind, you didn’t think about it too hard, you knew that if you did, Lucifer would pick up on it, but taking in what you could see yourself doing, on what you could read of the situation developing, you knew that, well, something would happen.

For the first time since arriving before them, your feet moved, shuffling you just a little forward, towards Lucifer.  He didn’t suspect anything, and the others made no indication to your movement, so you moved a little more.

What needed to happen had to do so now, so you didn’t have a chance to talk yourself down, so you couldn’t give him the opportunity to figure out what you were about to do.

It was so foolish, but it was the only way out.

Dean was shouting and it was exactly what you were waiting for, quiet words muttered from your lips, barely audible, but enough that the spell should work.

He shook off Bobby’s hand and stepped forward, an angel blade in his hand, and Lucifer reacted accordingly.

“It’s not like Michael can win either way, so let’s just remove his sporting chance, shall we?”

The magic curled around you as Lucifer moved, and in a brilliant flaring instant, you appeared between Lucifer and Dean, Lucifer realising far too late as his sword plunged into your chest.

A deafening silence fell as it caught up to them on what had just happened, a few shuddering breathes managing to leave you, holding Lucifer’s shocked gaze.  A coldness was soon following though, even as you felt the warmth of your blood blossoming from your chest, and your knees quickly gave out.

Lucifer pulled his sword away and caught you, your head slumping to his shoulder, and it was strange, but you could actually feel him trembling as he held you.

Sam, Dean and Bobby didn’t get a chance to see what was really going on, or to say anything else, in that moment, Lucifer vanished, and they honestly didn’t know whether they’d see you again or not.

Everything was going dark, and there was a certain peace to you feeling like all the pain was slipping away.  Lucifer was talking, but there was nothing you could do to hear his words, barely even feeling the touch of his hands holding onto you.

You had made a choice, and whether or not it was the right one, you weren’t entirely sure whether you would ever find out.