#ignore the fact i dont use layers

[reallysaneguy]

You know you've been working on something too long when either you start seeing colors or colors suddenly appear

[6mayhem]

anyway i need to hang out with my brother again he is the one person who i am pretty sure knows literally everything about me so he's the only person i trust that i can absolutely not disappoint. nothing i can do could be worse than the sum of everything i've been doing to that poor man (and him to me) the past 19 years

[snitchbo]

I dont know how to explain why this is important

But let's not forget that Parkour Civilization is a meritocracy. A socialist autocratic meritocracy.

I feel people don't dwell on this fact enough, opting to just focus on the capitalist allegories, which is awesome bc the allegory is strong and well made, but the literal government seperate from allegory is ALSO very well made and unique, i mean I've never seen a fictional government quite like it, and it's impressive.

People often struggle to conceive the thought of another government or societal idea, and Evbo managed to make an entire government and social norm completely different from any of our own.

Like, let's break this government (or lack of) down.

Parkour Civilization has a sole and all-powerful ruler, The Champion. Which makes the society autocratic with a dictator.

The "businesses" ( housing stores, buying food and blocks, etc. ) are collectivley owned, not belonging to a single person but rather the community. Especially in higher layers, people receive as much as they give to their society. If they work, they get food, they do extra tasks, they get blocks. It's essentially a Marxist Leninist socialist society, but one that's heavily affected by the meritocracy, which can make it seem more capitalist leaning.

Speaking of Meritocratic society, people often mistake the meritocratic aspects as being outright capitalistic, like the social hierarchies and needing to parkour for basic necessities. HOWEVER this is because the society is structured based on your merits in parkour, those with a higher skill level are placed higher in the social chain. Thats why the Parkour Champion is a dictator, because they're the person who is THE BEST at parkour, making them the most capable to lead society according to meritocracy.

In any case, the fact that people are forced to parkour ALL the time is pretty understandable, considering this government is based on merit. They're encouraging people to show off and practice their parkour because their skill level is the only thing to get them anywhere in society. Based on their merits, they get their bare essentials, and if they have particularly good skill levels, they can rank up in society and have access to better resources.

People also always talk about how Evbo didn't make food and resources accesable for free without parkour, which is kind of where the capitalist lens takes over because those things ARE free. There isn't a system of currency in Parkour Civilization. it's all just MERITS. The fact they can die from parkour and the fact they use language like "buy" and "sell" makes it seem capitalistic, but they dont work and receive currency. The currency is infinite as long as their SKILL SET allows it. People had to worry about the consequence of dying from parkour, which is what made it scarce and less accesable, people werent willing to try. Evbo, however, gave them the ability to try again without consequence, which pretty much DOES make everything free, as free as it gets. They have infinite "currency" based on their skills, and theres no consequence for failing or trying again.

I also feel that when people beg Evbo or the future generations to turn Parkour Civilization into more of a communist society, they're completely ignoring the worldbuilding. That is an insane leap to make, from a society based on parkour abilities to having nothing to do with parkour? "Well, they can still parkour!" They could, but you'd be removing the vitality of it completely. I mean, imagine asking the states to become fully communist? It's an insane change that their society would never make, and thats not the end goal. Society can be functional and good without our interpretation of a utopic government because every society is different.

I love the government in Parkour Civilization. Please hear this. And ask me questions or talk to me about it.

[karolldr1]

u draw them a lot and seem to have many thoughts on them and i would like to hear them- what is marx and marx soul's relationship to eachother? is marx soul himself from an alternate universe? a ghost? past memory?

thank u for your time. also your color choices are so pretty, do you have any tips on how you choose them. like is it a specific layer setting or just instinctive

Oh, now this post is LONG, i will add the "read more" if you wanna read abt my Marx Soul interp. and the way i manipulate colors, read down below

[Interpretation might change over time]

Oh so this is quite the golden question, and im very happy to answer this one

Marx Soul is an anomaly, more specifically, a timeline anomaly, he was SUPPOSED to die, but he kiiind of ended up creating another timeline that wasnt supposed to exist by merely the fact that he barely survived, which made the timeline by itself an anomaly in which he managed to escape (i will try to create a 'how' later, i didnt think about that ^^")

But of course, his plans still dont go like he wants so, and ends up in the timeline we know, not exactly without a physical body, more like in the verge of nonexistence, similar to a ghost except that if he doesnt find someone to possess he literally just disappears and never comes back, he needs to BELONG to the main timeline to continue his existence, due to him being from a timeline that was supposed to dissappear

Thats when he finds Marx (well, more like his silhouette, Marx Soul's biggest inconvenience is him being kinda blind, he sees nothing except the silhouette of people [This is because of the explosion, being VERY bright, and Nova, which makes him see the silhouettes])

Oh, at first, after "possesing" Marx, he wanted to TORMENT him, due to the envy of Marx's timeline going better than his, because being mad at himself for failing the plan of getting his wish AND because, since Marx Soul DESPISES Kirby, he can't get how Marx can stand him and be FRIENDS with him, this timeline is just too alien for Marx Soul

Initially Marx didnt like Marx Soul either, he didnt understand what is he nor how is he with him tormenting him every second, he literally would want to remove him and throw him out the window! but he cant because Marx Soul starts off as someone intangible!

Eventually they do get close to eachother due to the fact that they have no choice, Marx Soul tends to be a bit more childish but WAY more aggressive than Marx, he also gives Marx influence for "" prankless harms""" (in other words, getting others hurt for the sake of mischief), Marx doesnt really ignore him, but modifies the pranks so they dont harm THAT much

So yea, thats basically it ^^"

About the colors...

When it comes to choosing colors, its mostly about playing with the color wheel, remember those images that say many color combinations with the color wheel?

Yea, i do use them, more specifically, Analogous for shading and Complementary or Triadic for highlights (but sometimes analogous too)

When it comes to manipulating shading, i barely desaturate colors (aka doing this)

The only times where i use it, its in the transition between red and pink, due to the shading not being dark enough

Also, to make the shading more smooth, i add some transition, i dunno how to explain it correctly, but you can see it in this drawing, especially in the eyes

And overall, have fun messing with the colors, thats the most important part ^^

[tomuchabotme]

https://www.tumblr.com/tomuchabotme/758864397050560512/i-noticed-that-armys-dont-talk-about-jimin-at-all?source=share

This used to upset me so much as someone who was a Jimin-biased OT7 ARMY. They just never bothered to mention him in anything as much as they did about others. Even in silly things like those BTS memes. I noticed this even before I became attached to him or had any bias, when I was still new to all things BTS. It's almost like the fandom treated him as an afterthought (which was kind of jarring for my mind to grasp since Jimin was the number one most popular BTS member then. I was a statistic of the "I don't know BTS but I know Jimin" people). They treated him almost like he wasn't a memberer of BTS but just their close friend, and when they couldn't ignore him, they worked hard to suppress him (e.g "Hobi is BTS best dancer, Jungkook is best singer, Taehyung is god of the stage and brand king) .

These narratives were iterated until even I accepted them as fact (even though when just watching BTS on stage, it was clear as fuck to me exactly WHO was the best dancer, had the most distinguishable voice which always moved me emotionally and objectively was like the special ingredient in BTS songs, and who had an unparalleled stage presence😅. It was all one person). And when I became a Jikook shipper, I'd only talk about JK individually and praise him in his achievements all the time. Why? Because I felt Jimin always received praise for his success from outside the fandom anyway (he really was the ONLY member who managed to make noise OUTSIDE of BTS in some way or the other, and it was all good noise). Me focusing on hyping JK up outside of Jikook was really not out of any maliciousness - I felt if I talked about Jimin all the time when he's already getting the most attention, I wouldnt be a true OT7, so I overcompensated with the JK praise & mentioning the other while "forgetting" about Jimin. And this is how I suspect all those ARMYs work as well.

Think about it, Jimin's light simply shines too bright. Would the OT7 agenda really thrive if everyone acknowledged him as they do the others? It was never truly a seven man show with Jimin's presence. So they have to suppress him in some way so BTS can come across as "equal". I once saw an ask on a Jikook blog from an ex-Taekooker saying when they were deep in that cult mentality and hated Jimin, it felt like everything was about him. He just stood out in everything. He was praised all the time. But as they randomly made the very good choice of just watching official content, they found themselves falling in love with Jimin and slowly drifted away from that toxic echo chamber and became a Jimin biased ARMY, they felt like he was deliberately being side-lined by the random out of the members and they wondered why this was. They realized that his popularity seems to come more from outside the fandom unlike Taekook.

When I quickly realized that there's fuck all between Jikook and became a Jimin stan (not yet solo then) I noticed the same, about the fandom ignoring him. Couldn't come across just a random post about BTS without finding Jimin not mentioned there like he's not a member too, or just find a random ARMY account/blog without Jimin rarely and I mean RARELY posted about there (and then ARMYs would wonder why Jimin-biased ARMYs were always so sensitive then when a few would have thr balls to call them out on such weird behaviour)

It's actually so fucked up, because no matter how much you think a member stands out too much and only focusing on other more, moving that way about them is the exact of opposite of being an OT7 isn't it? It's anti behavior, period

A majority of ARMYS are actually Jimin antis and the sad part is that most of them don't realize it. They associate being his antis as calling him slurs and animal names when there's layers to it.

yes, I always thought that they praised the others for things jimin do daily. I never understood why they wanted to make him less, jimin was/is that popular because he is that good to outshine them all. I know they wanted to bts be equal, but it doesn't justify the miss valuate of his work.

he never needed those narratives for him of the fandom/company because he created them himself. he is the it boy because he is, not for a hybe article or fandom tweets.

it's fucked up, they don't realize the double standar they created around jimin and the other members. for example, they praised rl because of working on their music, but jimin also did it, and they dont recognize it.

ot7 armys are such a joke, they think because they write tweet saying 'jimin is cute' and then don't talk about him for months but talk about the others everyday is loving the 7 of them.

[ghostherlig]

boy has it been a bit since ive done one of these but i started this on spring break and got back around to it now that im stuck at Not My House- anyway, enjoy!! <3

this time, johnshi^2 edition 😌 (under the cut bc this, like all of these, got real long 😭)

john is a Stress Baker and will bake into the night if he's stressed out enough (usually cookies to store in the freezer for the rest of the month)

johnny is a Stress Cooker and will cook the most complicated dishes to make himself feel better (ignore his problems)

kenshi mostly cooks for himself and is used to making single-servings of things, so when he makes food it's usually only for him

taka only knows a few recipes, but he has Perfected them. Perfected. They Are Perfect. He makes Takoyaki, Five Flavor Soup, and a few other things that the other three fucking love-

john has a black light tattoo of a smiley face on his ass cheek

johnny has no tattoos

we've all seen kenshi's tattoos, pretty pretty man <3

taka has a few smaller tattoos in fewer seen places, the most common sighted being a small raven on his ankle

johnny owns an industrial freezer and fills it with all sorts of food storage and left-over ingredients that were made in large batches

taka put a false bottom in the industrial freezer to hide his special ingredients for his dishes

johnny teaches physics during summer or winter courses between filming for his movies

kenshi is a big family man and has two older sisters and a younger brother- he has mommy issues 😔

john is also a big family guy, he loves his daughter and his dead wife despite how shitty his childhood was

johnny and taka... arent as big on family-

taka has a bridge piercing that he has a plug in now that he's older, but he still puts in jewelry for at home dates where he doesn't have to wear his sunglasses

john has his ears pierced, but he never wears his jewelry- his collection is a lot of studs, but he has a pair of hoops that he was given by his mom and a pair of jade earrings that taka gave him

johnny had a belly button piercing, but doesnt wear his jewelry anymore 😔

kenshi had several ear piercings but only really wears studs or hoops in his main two lobe piercings

taka wants to get his eyebrow pierced, but just hasnt gone and done it yet

taka uses a hairpin to keep his hair up and despises hair ties despite the fact that johnny always carries them around for him- he has and will continue to grab the pen out of johnny's hands to put his hair up rather than take the offered hair tie.

kenshi usually prefers to navigate without sento at home and in public, and he helps taka get used to using a sight cane and more accessibility devices since taka usually navigates with sento since to him it's easier

when they're all busy working, johnny sets up Very Official Google Meet Meetings and uses his work calendar to hide the fact that he's calling his partners during business hours- the other three do the same thing so they can get at least fifteen minutes together outside of lunch breaks to talk

kenshi NAPS. like, daily naps. he needs his at least fifteen minute lreferably an hour nap per day or else he's a lot more irritable- taka, john, and johnny always look for him around noon, forgetting he's Napping and they usually catch him asleep in his room, on the couch, and often in his office on base-

john will sometimes take midday naps too, usually on weekends, and kenshi will join him on his giant lazy boy recliner and burrow into his side to take a nap

john and johnny are Human Heaters, they never get cold, whereas kenshi and taka Cannot Thermoregulate To Save Their Lives and are constantly cold and usually wear a lot of layers

kenshi and taka also HATE being too hot, both would rather be cold and they despise cali summers since it can get up to the hundreds on really bad days

they all work until they collapse. it's awful. usually johnny and john are better about it, they put work down after 6pm and Dont Look At Work Things until 5am the next day- but taka and kenshi?? they're used to always being on call for things, mundane or not, and that means john and johnny are CONSTANTLY slapping the phones out of their hands when they see an official OIA number

johnny gets bad abt working late when shit gets busy on and off set, esp if he's working on a script or there are all kinds of clerical and scheduling issues and errors- he's had to be dragged away from his desk and/or laptop bc he just wouldnt stop fixing little things- he's pulled all nighters on accident bc he was so focused 😭

john is the most outwardly affectionate- constantly saying it, constant touches, hugs, kisses, little love taps, ass slaps- anyway he can convey his love he's doing it- he's esp bad abt slapping johnny and kenshi's asses since he did it to taka once and taka Stands On Business (slapped his ass so hard the next day john was waddling around the house for thirty minutes)

surprisingly, kenshi is the second most affectionate, though it's more in words and quality time and little gifts- almost daily he leaves all three of them a little note or gift or will cut them fruit- and if he cant he's leaving them or greeting them with a kiss on the cheek or a little peck- he also affirms his love very... aggressively?? john, johnny, and taka all get in moods that scream "would you love me if i was a worm?" and kenshi will always sit there and go "of course i would. i would build you a terrarium and start composting so you would have the best dirt in the world."

johnny is the third most affectionate- it takes him a bit to get comfy just giving hugs or draping himself over someones back, but he does say how much he loves them all the time- constant 'i love you's while he's doing other things, when he comes home, when he leaves, etc. any time he thinks it, he says it

taka is the least affectionate and least affirming, but it's all in his actions. taka will berate john and johnny and kenshi for working themselves sick while he digs in the industrial freezer to make them five flavor soup and some tea- he'll call them stupid or dumb affectionately while pressing a kiss to their temple- he gets nuzzle-y and sometimes just needs to tuck himself over them or hold them to feel normal again- he says 'i love you' the least, but he acts out his 'i love you's the most. he also hilariously sometimes replies to 'i love you' with 'okay.' or '..thanks.' bc he struggles to say it outright, but most oftentimes he hums and presses a little kiss wherever he can- usually the cheek, temple, or if they're already leaving he'll grab their hand and press a kiss to their knuckles

[shlattina]

the entire dream usmp post is kind of a mess. on one hand, it's horrible to hear people mistreating each other and all the hate that's being flung around. genuinely worrisome that this is just becoming okay and commonplace online. you can disagree with people and dislike people without being rude.

on the other hand, although the reasoning behind dream publicly mentioning quackity ghosting him was potentially something along the lines of "if he isn't replying to me privately, maybe if i do it publicly it can be seen as a last ditch effort" (maybe! its speculative. i dont know his actions/thoughts/intentions) i think it was INCREDIBLY ill-advised to mention quackity not replying and the fact their friendship might be at risk/their mutual friends friendships.

its not only private business that should stay private, but now that its public its created even more of a problem. because potentially, people who are really big dream fans will read it and have a negative opinion of quackity, and could even be weaponized against him. and on the other hand, people who are really big quackity fans will read it and have a negative opinion of dream, and could be weaponized against him. "how mature of dream for doing this! how immature of quackity for not replying and risking a friendship over MC" vs. "how mature of quackity for keeping private and ignoring dream for trying to steal the spotlight/make problems, how immature of dream for intentionally making quackity look bad."

there are a lot of layers behind this situation, and id like to encourage people to try and not jump to any assumptions about EITHER creators. we dont know their personal thoughts, feelings, and intentions. dream COULD be intentionally fanning the flames, he could not be. quackity COULD be distancing himself to cut ties, he could not be. we just dont know, and its not good to assume that any of us do.

clarification: i dont dislike the whole response. i get why dream needed to say something since himself and his family was in danger, and i hope everybody can be safe! what im saying is a bad idea is all the extra information about his and quackity's relationship, as that specifically can be used as fuel against either person.

[smashstiel]

okay i found this super funny . first question everyones asking

also godddd transmasc dean . so . LOGICALLY i know it wouldnt make sense because john wouldnt raise him the same way probably . like yeah still be a hunter but i feel like he wouldnt see a daughter the same way hed see his son as his little soldier . idk i do not trust john to be normal about having a daughter so. BUT !!! ignoring the "got anything thats real? my boobs" and "dude i got re-hymenated" and like . other things he said . the!! making himself super masculine and stuff and not showing emotions and stuff . also im sorry for being insane but the whole oh im unloveable so i just do one night stands and drink a lot👍 bc hes weird and wrong cuz its early 2000s . also wasnt there a thing abt him wearing girls clothes when he was younger ?? anyway also esp early seasons his style . yes king layer up !! been there done that (3 layers at a beach in 30c) . also yesss t4t destiel !!! for me . sorryr im watching s4 ep10 and i love how when anna kissed dean they cut to castiel . hello . anyway for me cas is just like me fr . not ugy not girl not anything just chilling on his own . idk agender i guess but thats not just like me fr cuz i dont use that label . idk im going insane i was not made to sit in an office . anyway yeas trans man dean and agender cas t4t couple <33

also bc im bored and normal sooo normal . dean being soooo happy abt being tall . hey angst moment i wish i couldnt feel anything so true king<3 me when i see a guy who hates himself drinks a lot and cares abt other hey thatsme i love when characters are just like me fr<3 whatevr he was soo happy abt growing tall cuz imagine if he was shorter. like idk even if considered "tall" for a girl lets say idk 175cm. imagine him standing next to sam and his 193cm thatd be so funny . okay im done for now i think

HIIIII yes. yes. yes. yes

this is so funny "is castiel in love with dean?" dean after fanfiction episode googling 'supernatural' and 'castiel':

hmm i guess youre right. but. idk. its john winchester. maybe he just didnt care that much. or dean gaslighted him . (ok. but. the fact that he was named after his grandmother. like. if you have a firstborn son. normal people dont name them after their mothers. looking at you mary). trans kinggg!!!

tbh for me. idk im insane i read a fanfic like that once and i cant stop thinking about itt. like angels are super agender beings but . like. i csnt explain ittt right. but cas spent time on earth and kinda realized . that he actually likes being a Guy . though your version is alsooo so real bro is just chilling his ass absolutely Not caring. but considering its cas. he can absolutely be both at the same time

AND YEAAAH. if he was like 170 and sam 193. i think dean would just end himself. or sell his soul to gain more inchesssss KDJFJ

[kaeyapilled]

Have you ever seen kaeya being drunk in canon? I thought he is more a gourmet than a straight up addict

that's a fun ask anon because from the top of my head, no, we've never seen kaeya Drunk drunk (as in, visibly intoxicated, not fully in control of himself because of alcohol) - hes always tremendously Normal and Chill about it because in my humble opinion that's what he wants you to think.

you can't take anything kaeya says or even does at face value (he's different from, say, kaveh, who outright admits to drowning his sorrows in alcohol in one of his leaked voicelines - kaeya would never say that. in his teapot dialogue when you ask him if he drinks to numb the pain he dodges the question by making fun of you for asking and doesnt even give you a straight answer lmao). i think it's a very deliberate decision of his part to never appear overly inebriated in public because he needs to be in control of his own image at all times. but to me that doesn't mean he has healthy or normal drinking habits lol. like at all.

admittedly kaeya being an alcoholic is more based on canon implications than canon "explicitations" because as i said before my man would never be honest like that. it has to be ten layers of deception all the time with him. i honestly don't doubt that he enjoys the taste of the alcohol and genuinely is an annoying gourmet guy who's into wine tasting, but i think he plays it up a little? as in, that's not entirely why he drinks. i mean, he's more or less open about the fact that he uses alcohol (or like, the environment of the tavern) for his work - getting information out of treasure hoarders and whatnot? either way i don't think his relationship with alcohol is the healthiest ever. it's a combination of factors, really. like im sorry but if when asked about ur favorite FOOD you describe your favorite COCKTAIL (which is based off a real life drink that's just straight absinthe and champagne) (i feel my throat burn just thinking about it) maybe it's time to do some self reflection. the first step is to acknowledge there is a problem...

(i think kaeya knows there is a problem but to him it's like, what else is he going to do? i dont think he knows how to cope with things otherwise. does he look like he does? he doesnt. and i think he ignores it because he's still functioning. maybe it has reached a point where he only "functions" because of it. but kaeya isn't exactly known for his self preservation instincts and i think hes like.. if it works it works. he doesn't know how else he would be able to live "normally". i think that a boy who lived in a winery and holds an awfully heavy weight on his shoulders that he can't share with anyone else is a recipe for disaster lmao)

kinda lost the thread here but thanks for the ask anon! always ask me about kaeya im in love with him and his extremely unhealthy coping mechanisms

[kindestegg]

It bothers me seeing some people complain about TOH going a ‘boring’ route for the Collector ‘without moral grayness’ just because they hadn’t been imprisoned for killing anyone or destroying anything (as far as we technically know at least). The clues were already there in 2B that the Collector wasn’t malicious and probably didn’t even hunt Titans to begin with, plus it reminds me of that past fandom trend of ignoring the psychological impact of Belos’ abuse on the Collector, and reducing him to funny murders iPad kid.

Also, it feels like said people are ignoring the fact that, a more sympathetic side to the Collector being necessary here, they still very much did turn people into puppets. Like that was a thing that still happened in this episode. Besides, there arguably is a ‘moral grayness’ to this well-intentioned kid who still ended up betrayed, used, and punished, even by King to an extent, finally snapping in retaliation and betrayal. Idk it just feels like they’re complaining the story didn’t go in one direction for his character VS another, when both routes are equally compelling.

(holds hands with you and we skip over a field of flowers into the sunset together)

but really, you worded this pretty well and in a way i have also been thinking for quite some time!! really, its something ive considered making something about in the future because it fascinates me endlessly: there is just something so strange to me about the fact that to some people recognizing collector is a kid or that he has a complex backstory and is more layered than "sadistic selfish shadowy entity" means "ruining his character"

on the one hand i get it, sometimes people just want a mean old crazy villain who has no qualms in doing whatever just for the hell of it because they want to have fun, and i get it!! i really like villains like that- hell, part of the reason i even got interested on collector when i first saw them in hollow mind was because i love characters like that so much!! the bill cyphers, the discords, the quackerjacks, the dimentios, the jevils, the ecolos, i love all characters like that!!

but like... come edge of the world, hearing luz go "that collector kid" and going "OH SHIT THIS IS A CHILD" was game changing for me because?? you really dont see characters like that often that are also kids?? and idk about you but that was exciting to me! because it explores such an interesting path of like, how do you begin to approach an antagonist that IS so sadistic and self serving but also is STILL growing and still young and has still potential to be good?

old time followers of this blog will KNOW i have already talked all about that though... so what else can i say?

i will say i absolutely agree with you there on the cues being there. while i dont think its fair to say that it was easier before to infer he really didnt do ANYTHING, there were at least a lot of indications carefully laid out to make us empathize with them and understand their situation. like, isnt it interesting that at the start of o'titan, they couldve shown collector saying anything at all, since he thought he was all alone monologuing to himself, and they chose to have him talk about how lonely he was and then plead for king to stay with him? and then, as if to follow up on that, clouds has him doubting whether belos is his friend or not sounding genuinely concerned! we know from these clues that collector is a kid, that he is lonely, that being inside the prison has messed with his mental health, and that belos is unsurprisingly a terrible friend that is making him worry if he will uphold his end of the bargain.

all of these puzzle pieces were put there deliberately, including kings connection to collector, to first let us see a different side of this character and understand him better, and then second to also let king do this and prepare him to be more likely to want to consider collector as someone he could approach, even back in kings tide! because having that previous mental connection allowed him to wonder if collector could be reasoned with, and it worked! he stopped the spell for him! and like, once again, the writers utilize what time they have to quickly establish that the collector would rather play with king and holds no anger towards him or desire to hurt him! this is again, important as an indication that collector is not like we thought!

the whole "murderous ipad kid" started rubbing me the wrong way too, while i am brazilian so the "enzo gabriel" memes were endearing to me in a way, it became really frustrating seeing as how EXTREMELY few people back then seemed interested in exploring the tragedy of a character so young mentally having been stuck in an eternal unchanging prison and how that fucked them up, and how it being BELOS who he was stuck with was even worse! or even, hell, explore the fact he seems to not have wanted to hurt king and how their connection makes them perfect foils to each other and how they could be friends in a better world! but most people just saw him as a one dimensional murderous child (if even a child at all) and either ignored him completely or if not, had him do incredibly uncharacteristically violent and extreme things. and like, yeah, sure, this IS the kid who helped with the draining spell and was excited for people dying, but also like. come on buddy, if thats all there was to him, they wouldnt have tried to establish this other side of him during s2b.

and you are so correct on the puppet thing like!! that is STILL fucked up! even if he isnt physically torturing or hurting people, that is still not a good thing to do and it is terrifying to imagine losing control of your body and even consciousness for god knows how long! and collector doesnt care! he thinks that just because he is playing pretend and that this is how the game is played, that it doesnt matter that he is doing this. that is messed up! and it reminds us that this is still the kid who laughed about people dying, laughed about the grimwalker deaths. him being a sad and lonely kid with a compelling backstory doesnt change that. it just adds to more layers to his character.

i think you are on the nose when you say that it is just because people are disappointed they wanted a type of character and got another. though it is puzzling to me seeing them be unable to admit that they were wrong and that they did miss the cues early on and move on, instead complaining that it "came out of nowhere". i will say i think the BEST argument for them is that his character feels rushed and that it is confusing to add him into the series when he is so similar to so many other characters (caleb, hunter, luz, king, etc), because then yeah, i agree, it is a really odd late minute addition, specially considering he only exists because of the shortening, not in spite of it. and to that i can only say: i think collector wasnt a character added with logic in mind, but rather with pure pathos. dana and the crew wanted a fun out of left field super silly character that was entirely self indulgent and so they added him just for themselves, and as result, he is neither fully well fleshed out nor is he the most unique in terms of metanarrative role.

then again one COULD argue his role is more one of giving king a foil and someone he can further his own arc through, as well as giving better exposition to the history of the titans, but... yknow. ive already talked enough.

[dykeyote]

please tell us your thoughts about jedidiah and lucille's relationship i need to know

THANK YOU FOR SAVING ME I WAS SO SAD THAT IT GOT EATEN ..... but yeah jedidiah and lucilles relationship sort of fascinates me ...... this isnt gonna have a cohesive Thesis or anything and a lot of the things i raise i dont really have answers for bc i think we're gonna get More lucille lore and so its kind of hard to like .... nail down any hard answers rn so im kinda just rambling abt my thoughts but yk . mainly the like ... Secretive nature of their relationship sort of fascinates me theres this feeling throughout that their mother-son relationship is something that needs to be ignored and kept secret . which Does make sense in the broader context that jedidiah might not wanting the kids or even his co-counselors knowing, thats fairly normal (nobody wants to be a nepo baby lol) thats not really what im talking about, im more focused on how this permeates their interpersonal dynamics, mainly in hive of anxiety. jedidiah speaks to lucille in a way that is incredibly formal - the way an employee speaks to their boss, but dialed up even higher than that, up until he starts getting emotional. the effort being put into avoiding the fact that lucille is his mom is Strong, though interestingly lucille doesnt fall into this role as much - though she does change her behavior after jedidiah calls her mom, implying that there is some amount of going w this on her end as well. calling her mom is something that is used as a last resort, and its notable that jedidiah is EXTREMELY upset before this point. before jedidiah resorts to acknowledging the fact that lucille is his mother, hes already had several angry outbursts and almost started crying. it takes him being so frustrated that he loses the ability to speak coherently in anything other than repeating jesus over and over for him to Finally resort to calling her mom. and interestingly, the one time lucille shows favor to sydney over jedidiah within the events we see in canon flips these roles: she speaks to sydney in secret and goes behind jedidiahs back, which also happens to be the one episode where lucille expresses public affection towards jedidiah. just an interesting little detail. its just really interesting to me bc it makes me wonder how long that dynamic of secrecy has been going on? theres some conflicting evidence on this - sydney references jedidiah knowing what love and care looked like, but he has a father so its not clear enough if thats really referring to lucille to be able to extrapolate it. jedidiah makes a sort of dry joke about lucille never teaching him how to hug, but lack of affection doesnt Necessarily equate this specific weird dynamic they have going on. jedidiah mentions to joshua and yvonne that he works for his mom which COULD imply that weird dynamic wasnt a thing in college so they already knew, or it COULD mean that he just said it bc he was in the middle of a rant, or it COULD mean that the counselors just know this information, or it COULD mean fifty different things . u see why jedidiah and lucilles relationship is reaaalll hard to analyze lol . anyway im sleepy so im gonna finish this here but basically im kind of fascinated in the layers of how fucked up they are and i really want to know How Long theyve been this fucked up and Why theyre this fucked up and AGH

[meepdrawartgood]

i agree with 99.9% of this and i LOVE this analysis so i just want to add my two cents, the one thing i want to contest is the idea that jimmy didnt care about or regret hurting curly. DONT GET ME WRONG, im not defending jimmy in any way, in fact i think him genuinely regretting what happened to curly is such an interesting look into how well written and shitty he is. its a very good commentary into how bad people arent just cartoonishly evil and dont care about anything or anyone but themselves, sometimes shitty people feel things and do things that are "good" or "normal", and that can coexist with them still being horrible people

curly was his friend for a long time, and judging by how curly didnt notice anything was wrong until the crash, i doubt jimmy treated him like he treated everyone else. they have a nice deep talk during the psyche eval, they joke and laugh like good friends, jimmy definitely used him like a tool to power in the end but i dont think he had any malice when interacting with curly. it probably feeds into his self-victimization too, that he thinks "hey look, i valued curly as a friend, i cared about him, that cant make me a bad person right?" while ignoring how terribly he treated everyone else.

i think he did care about curly because of what he chooses to apologize for and what he doesnt, and whats at the center of most of his hallucinations. curly's bandaged face practically haunts him for the entire game, like he cant stop thinking about what he did to him. but on the inverse, he has scattered guilty visions about daisuke, even less for swansea (that arent playing him as an innocent man being attacked by an axe wielding maniac), and besides her face in the "no turning back" sequence, not a SINGLE one about anya, just her unborn child. and even worse, debatable if the intro sequence is truly him being guilty over this, but the fact that he crashes the ship to get everyone killed in the first place NEVER comes up in his hallucinations. he doesnt regret trying to kill everyone, he doesnt regret assaulting anya, he doesnt regret killing swansea, he probably only regrets daisukes death because daisuke was such a good and innocent kid. in fact, its worth noting that just like anya, for curly he doesnt actually regret what he did to them (assaulting anya and trying to kill curly in the crash), but he regrets the consequences he has to face for what he did (anya's pregnancy, curly's injuries). which is why he twists it to himself in the end that hes doing a good thing, hes taking responsibility by putting curly in the cryopod, look how well hes atoning for his mistakes that he regrets, hes such a good person! ignoring the fact that hes still forcing curly to face the rest of the consequences that he doesnt want to and also forcing curly to either a very tough life with scars and trauma at best if he gets found, and a horrifically slow death with 20 years alone in space in perpetual agony with the corpses of his friends at worst.

the whole scene of him apologizing i think was a genuine apology with genuine emotion. but he only got to this by ignoring the many other things he should also be apologizing for, and only when he couldnt just ignore what he did to curly anymore. it adds so many more layers to his horrible rotten cake of a character that i find INSANELY refreshing and interesting to look at

jimmy is just… i've never hated a game character more but he's such an accurate portrayal of a self absorbed, self victimizing person.

his hallucinations are great insight into how he views everything as some tremendous burden that he doesn't deserve, that people are unfairly attacking him when he's "trying his best to fix things". the way he hallucinates about the unborn baby but never about anya is especially a brilliant writing choice, because it shows that he wasn't sorry. he's never remorseful for any of it; he's just scared of consequences.

jimmy is a selfish coward! he idealizes being viewed as competent. he wants everyone to gather around and cheer and clap and praise him. he loves the idea of glory, of wielding power over others, and he loves the appearance of leadership without actually being willing to shoulder any of the bitter work and personal compromises it involves. even when he does do things as a leader, it's always with at least one insult or backhanded guilt-trip.

jimmy's mental break isn't because he actually cares about or regrets curly's disfigurement and total loss of agency or autonomy. it's because if curly lives, jimmy won't be held responsible by pony express for everything that happened.

jimmy did technically "fix" everything by the end of the game when he locked curly in the cryopod and then killed himself. he fixed the fact that he might suffer repercussions for everything he did to doom the tulpar and its crew. probably the most excellent static asshole villain protagonist i've ever seen.

[blackvahana]

Right, so, today we confront the beast which is a funny af way to start this

Ive needed to confront the things that lead me to resonating with Kos and uh I need to do that now. Last night, I was drawn to a specific place... here's the thing. I know theres a self, and things under the surface, and so on that make me latch on to Kos and her hamlet and so on... i know shes been kept at the forefront of my mind - or at least on the back burner - because I have to get back to and into developing what exactly it is in me and around me that resonates through her face as a mask of mine. So when I talk needing to fulfil things... Im not trying to be Kos, Kos has just been used as symbolism and a face for parts of myself I havent brought to light yet

Theres a place in my mind that.. see, the both difficult and now much easier task of peeling the mask from the truth comes into play here, it was really hard before, now its hard to know how to speak on this. Theres a place I know intimately that knows me, that knows the sea, that has Mira rising from the depths, that... yeah. Lev's right about this leading outside of English and on-plane languages too far to even try tying it back. Its not a place, is a place.

Either way. So Levs helping me get back into making "nymphs", I still havent come up with a name for them. Effectively: He described them as shed skin cells of aspects (aspects being, again by him, external selves/other bodies) which become little beings, like gametes whose other halves are the world... He kind of faltered with that last bit in the way of him acknowledging an inaccuracy he wasnt wording, the inaccuracy seemingly being better covered if I say "they're gametes, they dont have an other half, theyre held in the womb of reality" - they dont have consciousnesses of their own. The Mira are some, so are the... specific storm sirens I was drawn to - specific as in Im sure there's other spirits that fit that but certain sirens are a part of myself - and uh. probably the "manifested" Choir are too. Its an on/off switch for me, this is an art Im intimately familiar with outside this life - Lev again compares it to making gametes like puberty switches on reproduction, you can switch on this external "reproduction" - but i just havent wanted that to be switched on lmfao.

Ive also been needing to actually let go and allow energetic wellsprings to form in ANVD. Every time Ive been guided to push unchallenged, unmetered, undiluted springs of specific aspects - the Sun, Creation, Waters of Life(/part of Mother of All), etc - I have toned it back severely, added a thousand layers of webbing to slow whats brought in, only allowing whats... well. a pathetic amount of shit through. I know why im doing it lmfao I. yeah. anyway. but... this goddamn place thats supposed to be a spring of something...

This place. All the salt in ANVD - because for some reason I keep seeing supersaturated fluid and salt crystals everywhere - is partly leading back to this place. The (specific to this place) spring is tied to the "nymph" making in that I think the Mira are supposed to spring (haha pun unintended) from here, and - see. Im haunted. We're talking nymphs and I push out of my mind the relation between the slug women and Kos. We talk about a beach and a people that know me especially in unrestrained aquatic form and. its a little harder to ignore. we talk about the Mira springing up from somewhere specifically probably and hopefully fruitfully and. you see how this is getting harder to ignore

Its not even about the fiction, genuinely. its not to do with bloodborne, its. I brought up The Inevitable the other day lmfao. the fact that Ive been both chasing myself for years down a specific path and directly, without chasing, following that exact path like its in my blood. is. alright. it genuinely is alright. thats the scary part: im no longer scared of the self around the corner

Either way. I need to tie ANVD to energy wellsprings. lev very specifically said the spring in this place - wherever this place may be - is an aspect of mine undiscovered, as in... its not Sun, not Sky, not Day, not Madness, and its not my base energy, but its still a "body" - its an aspect, not a body - which. means. probably. that uh. that Mother of All and the Sun as the infinite energy wellspring of - its. its one of those moments where I look at my unincarnated selves and go oh yeah I am a version of you.

...... which. lmfao. my god. how many times do i have to say "if I fear it for no apparent reason tied to morals or genuine immediate danger its probably because I am it" why oh why I wonder have I been weirdly fearing and toning back these becoming a thing over there. anyway. well that tells me what I need to go do now

[rufusx2]

dear anon (though i do know who you are, so i'm writing this with you in mind):

this is true, nothing you have said is something i would necessarily disagree with. the post is satirical and the longer work is about my own flawed thinking (though i will likely not post it in it's entirety until it is done, all of my meowing is just for snippets, though i understand that it can come across as strange or concerning if you are unaware of this as i have not posted my blog organization anywhere. in fact, the on;y posts of mine UNRELATED to my main bodies of work, my songwriting, are the photo posts organized under "#blinks").

this is the purpose of using language like "flawed in the right way"- i know my own lines of thinking are most definitely caused by societal problems, and they are not productive nor based in logic. even my blog header ("you delicate, precious, dying thing!") is supposed to bring to mind the "ideal" female body as being delicate and starved (which is a bad thing for people with a brain... but not for the narrator!). being born "right" (or "rightwrong" as i tend to refer to it, which is just a heavyhanded way of pointing out that calling yourself "born right" is flawed thinking) is not an actual thing, though i cannot help but loop back into this logic of "if only i had been born as somebody else" forgetting, of course, that i will only ever be myself. i focus on my own female form (and wishing to have been born differently) as a manifestation of poor body image (weight related) and self hatred (in terms of personality). if i had the power to be born differently, a "better" person, my brain (or i guess *I* would, i use "my brain" as a way of distancing myself from my own bad thoughts which is probably not helping the problem) would make this person male- the point is that not only is the premise impossible, but being a "better" person is impossible if you completely change yourself, and using this line of logic we can see that the CONCLUSIONS myself, or rather, the narrator of the piece of writing, (if i'm to be neutral and detached and pretend that it's NOT me saying all this), are also incorrect, and impossible regardless which makes dwelling upon them pointless in the first place. it's a futile line of thinking, and every word is clouded through a thick layer of rosy haze. i would even be inclined to at some points call it christocentric... this is why i used "wwjd" in a sarcastic way in some of my posts (that may or may not be publicly visible yet due to my queue system). take that how you will.

calling the female form flawed was not a way of thinking that the reader/listener is supposed to agree with (though again, it is a disembodied snippet, so of course you wouldn't know this upon reading so i don't blame you for not picking up on it. i am fine! i know there is nothing wrong with my body. and yet... i feel my own mind needling at me). i wouldn't exactly say that my writings are explicitly feminist, because that implies a conscious agenda and explicit political messaging when really it's all just personal anecdotes, but since i would describe myself as being a feminist i think the undertones bleed through. or at least, i hope they will when i do eventually release more.

i know i can never have what i want, and i know that what i want is NOT rational, or good, and is entirely based in heteropatriarchal ideas, but i can't help myself and i need to confront that desire frankly in order to identify it. you can't exactly get a good look at yourself if you close your eyes when you approach the mirror, and this is how i feel about ignoring these thoughts. i cannot pretend that i do not feel this way, and i dont really think it services anyone to pretend i always feel positively about my body. wallowing in them isn't always helpful for the wallow-er, but it perhaps CAN be for a witness who doesn't realize that they are not alone in their way of existing. there are many ways to be, in this body, and others like it, and while negativity is a symptom of a larger problem i have to be honest about it.

[ithisatanytime]

Charli XCX & Troye Sivan - 1999 [Official Video]

 im gonna try to give a couple more examples to clear up and hopefully summarize my point on mass shootings but well see how it goes

 first scenario, imagine the united states racial demographics were more like 99 percent jewish and one percent white, so basically an inversion of the racial demographics prior to unchecked immigration from mexico and ignoring blacks for simplicities sake. this may come as a shock to you, but i dont really feel personal predjudice against your average jew, and in fact i get along better and identify with them a little easier because im nuerotic and intellectual and a film buff etc. however if in that scenario i was the only white man in a school comprised entirely of jews and i either didnt realize i was jewish or didnt understand the extant of the difference between our two peoples, i might be tempted to do a mass shooting! why dont i have any friends? why am i so different? why are these guys such massive fucking perverts i mean i get horny too but im not gonna straight up grab some chicks ass on the back of the bus and make her cry just because shes there and i might get away with it! and likewise my jewish peers might wonder why im so prone to violent confrontation, why i care so little about money or academic accolades etc. now if i were say a chinese foriegn nationals son named ping attending this school, many of those same challenges would be remain but the source of the discomfort would be obvious to all and wed work a little harder to bridge the gap, when the difference between two peoples SEEMS either nonexistant or subtle but is in fact a wide gulf, and the reason isnt clear, you start running into serious issues. in that scenario im the same man i am now, and over all, im proud of the choices ive made, not all but on the whole im glad for the man i ended up being, but in that scenario i would be convinced that there was something DEEPLY DEEPLY wrong with me, after all its not allll the other students who are wrong and IM right, but then what? what human could just decide that happiness was never for them, comfort was never for them, and the literal torture they are subjected to by their peers are their own fault and they deserve it? no one will do this, no one does this. in this scenario suicide is the OBVIOUS answer, but if you have your heart set on dying you have nothing really to lose, so why not take out your tormenters who are alien to you to the degree that you cant even see them as human and they feel much the same way about you.

 the other scenario hopefully will be brief and parts of it arent gonna make a lot of sense, but if you get it you will much better understand the underlying point.

 pretend its the vietnam war still, white europeans are killing south east asians, and sure there were some vietnamese and blacks fighting on the americans side and some whites on the other, but almost every war is fought along ethnic lines and this is not a coincidence but the true purpose of war, it is the survival of the fittest competition when applied to highly social animals like us. imagine in this scenario the united states somehow transported american teenagers into vietnamese schools, but outwardly they looked vietnamese and had artificial vietnamese memories implanted to better fit it (LOOK I TOLD YOU IT WAS A SLOPPY METAPHOR JUST BEAR WITH ME) suppose one of these american sleeper cells just couldnt fit in with their peers, even though outwardly they were vietnamese inwardly they werent and they felt no kinship with these south east asian people beyond the most base layer of politeness. in his isolation, and inability to understand anyone around him, he snaps and shoots up his vietnamese school... mission accomplished?

 i know thats confusing as hell, but what im getting at is these jew mass shooters arent doing anything that warriors havent done to neighboring tribes since the beginning of time, the difference is we had the genius idea of jumbling all these peoples up within the same border, under the same roof, almost like sharing a bed with a complete stranger. the conflict that arises is not just inevitable but benificial for the survival of the species, it IS the competition and it wont be put off for you or oprah winfrey or anyone, these are our instincts. people like klebold and harris, the tranny shooter recently, uncle ted the unabomber, even if they arent consciously aware that they are living basically alone amongst a potentially hostile foreign tribe, they know it on an intuitive level because it is instinct, and would do war from within our own borders against us.

[fatmaclover]

thanks for rbing this katie ive got more thoughts now that its morning and im not high

im never gonna be over the thought of like. while mac just wants people to like him, he wants to feel like he belongs. i dont think he ever felt like he had a proper place in his own home, with how his parents treated him. its hard to feel like you belong somewhere where all your needs or wants are ignored.

the implication of being joyces boy isnt just the fact that theyre friends, its the implication that mac belongs with joyce. hes hers, no one elses, with her is where hes supposed to be. he has a place he belongs, and its with joyce

its just unfortunate that hes not really into that. he wants to belong literally anywhere else. despite their history together, joyce isnt where mac wants to belong. to a degree, i think he still holds resentment for joyce. he doesnt do it consciously, if you asked him he would say his biggest issues with joyce are her hygiene ones, but its there. i think the teenage mind that still remains in him still kinda blames joyce for why he was bullied. they had each other, but maybe if he had let himself be alone he would be liked. again its not really a conscious thing, more along the lines of like... he would find himself getting lost in a daydream about "what if he never met joyce?" and then would feel so guilty he would probably immediately go to confessional about it. its not something about himself he even wants to acknowledge. he knows its bad, but it lingers in his mind.

so people saying that he belongs with joyce would have so many layers there to him. not only is it the fact that he belongs with joyce, but it could also be read as "i think youre so lame that you belong with her because shes just that bad" (which, macs mixed feelings on joyce and the fact that he both does and doesnt think hes better than her is. an entirely different can of worms.), or it can wrap back around to the fag allegations with them, having the implication of "you two are faggots for each other!!! gay!!!! gay!!!!!!" which i imagine is a pretty big Thing for mac. lol.

i just think its silly how its seen as such a sweet thing by us but mac probably views it as a passive aggressive insult. and honestly i doubt joyce even has positive connotations with it either, with how mac feels about it. i imagine thats kinda rubbed off on her.

mac being referred to as joyces boy. her boy. hes her boy. mac being the person to understand joyces writing the easiest. they belong to each other theyre each others lost halves if they were ever separated they would stop functioning. auawhhrhwuah