#ignore how crusty the human looks

[floofyk]

This was my team in that silly prodigy math game. Some of the creature designs for that game straight up rocked. This was originally posted back in June

[antlered-prince]

The brain worms got to me 😔

(disclaimer: my crusty writing skills that I haven't touched in 84 years, english, grammar, faeu has me on a chokehold)

Fae!Dream always gets what he wants. I mean, why wouldn't he? With a smile that will tug your heartstrings and a voice that seems to sing endless love songs to you (even if he's insulting you), it won't be long before a human flies far too close to the sun and think to themselves, "I'm in love!" and he'll snatch them away to their new forever home.

So one day, when Dream was looking for a human to scurry away to the fae realm, he meets you. At first you didn't seem interesting to him. You were like any other human, you look plain, you sound plain, even the way you go up and about is also plain to him. He never saw you smile, you also didn't carry much elegance in the way you walk or carry yourself, not that you seem to care, nor did you have that puppy-like cheer that others possesses, much like those who swarmed over to him when they heard a handsome young man visited their village. Too busy to care, nor to notice him.

And yet in the endless sea of humans, you're the only one he sees.

A smile crept to his face. You're an interesting blend. You would make a good addition to his collection. He wasn't in a rush anyway. You'd be fun to break.

And he did. But it took longer than he expected. His advances became fruitless with a stone cold heart like yours. It's either his praises went over your head, you're oblivious, or is blatantly ignoring him. He assumed you were just playing hard-to-get at first, but you were actually a challenge he hasn't had in a long while.

But as time went on, he finds that you have a quick wit that never fails to make him laugh and momentarily forget about the conversation you two (or just him, seeing as you rarely speak, just quietly listening) were talking about.

And when he does strike a chord. You two get to have deep conversations on topics you are interested in. And, he can't help but admit it, he likes the way your eyes light up whenever you ramble on, then abruptly stop before sheepishly jesting how you must've talked his ear off.

...but he will always let you continue either way. He doesn't know why, but your voice tastes like the sweetest of honeys that ever laced his tastebuds.

You were addicting.

He doesn't know what he's feeling—no wait, he knows, he just never expected for him to fall first before you. He's still in denial. And as he should! Dream couldn't believe it! That wasn't how the plan was supposed to be! You were the one who's supposed to fall! Not him!

...those thoughts kept lingering at the back of his head.

The days pushed on. Everyday, he feels that you're slowly trusting him. Slowly opening up. Slowly blooming into the flower that you were supposed to be. He underestimated you, and he slightly cringes to the thought that he thought of you as some plain human.

It's almost as if he doesn't want to break that heart he just opened.

At the back of his head, he almost wanted to bail with this idea of his. Almost. He finally brings you to the forest, masked as a little trip to a hidden garden in the woods for a picnic. A garden, an entrance. This is the day. Yet he still feels conflicted, his soul sinks to the thought of how you'd react to the revelation that he was never human. He was a fae. A fae who had an ulterior motive. A fae who chipped through the ice that surrounded your heart just so he can bring you his world. To become one of them.

But wouldn't you like that? Wouldn't you like to be with him? Wouldn't you like to spend the rest of eternity cracking jokes and finally be able to do the things you've always wanted to do but couldn't because of your miserable human life?

Wouldn't you like that?

Wouldn't you like to be with him? Forever?

...you love him.

His conflicted thoughts seemed to have died down after that.

You take a bite of the pie he created. It was divine. It effortlessly melts in your mouth, the flavor bursts like endless fireworks, each one tastes distinctly different yet the same with every bite and every gulp. It was sublime. You've never tasted anything like this. It almost felt like something such as this would never exist.

You turn to Peiskos to sing praises to the pie he baked but... He's not there.

You dropped the fork that he handed to you. You didn't see Peiskos. You see a skeleton. He was dressed in silks and satins that you've never seen in your world before. He was bejeweled with gold-like bangles (you couldn't seem to tell if it was gold or not for some reason. Like it was shifting differently every once in a while) and a brilliant crown perched on his head.

...there were also wings. Wings that were attached to his back. Wonderful golden-hued wings that seems to flutter with pride and glory as you focus your attention to it. You hear the skeleton chuckle. You think he said something. But you were to distracted, your eyes bulged in horror. It gazes towards the pie you ate and back to him.

You should have known.

"...What have you done to me?"

The process of getting you settled in was quick. You didn't give a peep since. Dream understands. You were still in shock (A small part of him felt as though it was withering with how lifeless your eyes look like), but he digresses. You'll be back to your blooming-self before you knew it.

Like a flower, he will keep you from withering away. Like a bird, he will keep you safe and happy and well fed. And in his garden, you'll never be alone ever again. You love him. He can feel it. He knows it. He knows the meaning behind your gaze when you look at him, the way your laughter sang differently when you first met, and the wrinkles that form at the corner of your eyes whenever he makes you smile. Humans have fallen in love with him. He's seen it all. He can never be wrong. And won't you be happy here with him? Eternally?

Right?

...right?

Originally, this was supposed to be about nightmare. What came to me aaaaaaaaaaa

aaaaaa this was so gooooood

i've been travelling so i've been pondering it throughout the day, thank you for this lovely lil drabble (⁠´⁠∩⁠｡⁠•⁠ ⁠ᵕ⁠ ⁠•⁠｡⁠∩⁠`⁠)

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Ari everything you write about Clark is an absolute dream! Thank you so much for sharing!

"What is it with you two, anyway," Clark asked, watching you navigate the downtown traffic at speeds that had him fidgeting with his seat belt.

You shrug carelessly, "When we were kids it was just easy to be friends. We were both too smart for our own good. And after his parents died; well. Shoving Bruce into whatever I was doing got him out of the house. And Jackie was a capable sitter and kept us out of too much trouble. So it gave Alfred a break."

Clark nodded. There was more. Everyone knew that. That had been Bruce's story for years. He'd ALWAYS talked fairly openly about how important you'd been to him. Especially then.About how much Alfred had adored you. Trusted Jackie. What he wanted to know was about Selina. That's what didn't add up. On paper, you and Bruce were a perfect match. The playboy and the Athlete. Young. Beautiful. Driven. Childhood Bestfriends. Beacons of a new and brighter age... If he tried he couldn't dream up a better story. Hell. Papers had been doing it for years. But instead, you were tooling around Metropolis thinking about getting a nice apartment there. And Bruce was still calling your phone and being ignored.

"When we got older of course, Bruce started to make other friends. Upper crusty, fancy friends. And that's where Oliver Queen came in. And about that time Selina was working her way in." You snort. Ollie, Bruce and I tended to make just enough trouble to be Salacious but not dangerous. To make a headline or two. Feed the Paparazzi. Get a little rambunctious. And between their money and my dimples we could get away with anything short of a felony."

"I believe it," Clark huffed. He'd been the victim of your pouting too many times to believe it had much to do with the money. You were too cute and too sweet looking when you looked up at him all doe-eyed and "Please, honey?" It was dangerous. He rolled over every time. And you knew he was gonna. Thankfully, you didn't exploit it for much more than getting him to carry you to bed. Or convincing him to clean your car off in the morning when it was frosty.

"And With Bruce being an awkward aloof little weirdo before he figured out how to act like a whore, it wasn't a bad thing having a couple pretty girls just in rotation. We laughed at his jokes. We teased him and made him blush- we made him human instead of an oddity."

"Until?"

"Until," you sigh, "Selina wanted him to herself and made it a competition. She wanted what I had with Bruce but she didn't understand what that WAS."

"Not romantic?"

"God no," you scoff, "At least not on my end. It's hard to want to kiss someone when you spend most of the time you talk to them wanting to choke them."

"Fair," Clark chuckled, refraining from pointing out that you liked that sometimes.

"I love Bruce. Dearly. But I'm not in love with him. I just- sometimes I feel more like I'm a security blanket to him than a person. Selina is a person. She gets to be complicated. She gets to be messy. She gets to fuck up. And I get to be there to put him back together."

"That doesn't seem fair," Clark said frowning.

"Life's not fair."

"Even after Jackie-" Clark broke off, biting his tongue. It was a sore subject. Painful. And he heard your heart stutter just at the thought. The sharp exhale, like it was still a gut punch made his own stomach clench.

"He wasn't there," you say simply. "He was training. He didn't even know- Alfred tried but. It's not like anyone could just call him. No one knew where he was. He just came back twice as ripped and twice as angry."

"And you were alone?" Clark said incredulously, "That whole time?"

"Alfred was there," you remind him. "And I did- do have other friends I just- it was hard."

"I know you told me to stay out of it, baby," Clark grumbled, "but Bruce really deserves-"

"What good would it do?" you challenge, "aside from make it harder for you to work with him later? I'm a big girl. I can handle it. And I will. In my own time."

"Alright," Clark said, claiming the hand that wasn't on the steering wheel and kissing it softly. "But. I'm gonna step in if I feel like he crosses a line."

"Which line?"

"One I really don't like."

[missmarveledsblog]

Call me cupid part 3 ( Joel Miller x reader)

Summary: Sunshine ex shows up leading to sunshine feeling the barrel of his gun and Joel praying another person he loved not to be taken from him especially when he never got the chance to tell her how he truly feels

Age gap ( reader is 24 while joel in his 40s) , little angst , fluffy fluff  , violence but it apocalypse baby , joel channeling his inner hulk

She felt it , not just the cold barrell in her back , now she  could feel their worry , the fear that filled the room and how they waited on baited breathes .

" Now come don't be stupid like you usually are you can see if you hurt me , ya'll ain't making it out alive" she hissed only getting him to push the gun harder on her skin .

" i'll tell you this you let her go and that be end of it you get one chance to walk out here" tommy reasoned .

" And if i don't " she couldn't help squeeze her eyes tightly knowing he'd give anything just to hurt her .

" then i will make sure of it you feel every ounce of pain a human being can feel then , i'll feed you alive to the infected " joel growled.

" hey there well look at you , why don't we get to know each other " the woman purred.

" he doesn't want your crusty dusty bits lady " ellie yelled.

" i suggest you put that gun down fuckface or these nice people will show you how much they really deal with the likes of you " she growled hand reaching into her belt . while her ex was looking at the town folk pulled out their own weapons she felt the hilt of her hunting knife .

" Might take you with me baby be like old times" he kissed her cheek ignoring the woman he was with scoff .

" i'd drink acid like it was water then do a stupid thing like that  " she huffed pulling the knife out and driving it backward into his leg and  knocking him back while he dropped the gun . Just as Ellie went to dive for for it the woman ran at her making sunshine drag the woman back by the hair , holding her  back til she heard it . Then she felt it  the burning sensation followed by the warm liquid pouring  out her stomach .

"now look what you did , i told you  she useless " her ex smirked going to shoot again only for tommy to crack him in the back of the head .

" tommy check the perimeter there not going to be alone , raiders " she grasped her lower stomach hitting the floor .

" we got it and them, get her" tommy called sending joel into action .

" come on i got you " he lifted her up heart breaking at her screams .

" bring her clinic " he didn't even care to look up eyes focus on her face racing to where he needed to get her then to listen to doc .

" now sweetheart i know it's hard but you gotta keep those pretty eyes of your open  ok " he pleaded .

" i bet you say that to all the ladies joel miller " she laughed coughing mid sentence blood spilling from her lip. He didn't know if she cut it or something worse .

" Nah you little shit i can't lose you , not when i finally grew the balls to tell you how i feel so you keep those eyes open ok and stay with me  " he ran faster seeing her fighting it .

" And ... and those feeling you wanna tell me? " she asked fear laced in her features like it was last time she was going to see his face . Almost polarising his features burning them to her mind and heart .

" Well you get through this like i know you will and i'll tell you how much i love you and how much this town needs sunshine ok, I was gonna talk to you darling tell you but no you had to be hero huh? " he felt the tears falling down his own cheeks.

" well then i can't wait to .. " he felt it her voice dropped completely and eyes closing as he ran faster than he did in his life willing her to wake with all his might til he was pushed out of the room history repeating in such sick cruel way . he felt the anger rise like the wrath of hell was opening in him . charging past as tommy and few men held the animal she had for an ex, the bastard whining about his leg . not a word was said when joel's fist cracked the mans jaw nor could he hear the shouts of his brother . Too blind to his own rage as he kept hitting the man harder and harder . nothing was stopping him even when his own knuckles spilt  til he hear heard her screams coming from the clinic .

" joel she's needs you " ellie shouted seeing a bit of clarity when he stood from the groaning man. " she scared and she needs you " ellie repeated .

" deal with um " was all he growled before heading back in the clinic blood dripping down his knuckles first he heard her whimpers then he heard her screams again  sending him into the room faster than he ever moved .

" i need you distract her some how, bullets in there" Doc yelled .

" hey sunshine look at me , come on good girl you need to look at me let em get it out " he held her down and nodding when  another few blood curdling screams and the bullets was out .

" just keep her still its a clean shot , doesn't look like it hit anything but it's more waiting game now " .

" did they check the premiteres " she sobbed weak and colour draining from her face more as time passed .

" hey don't worry about anything or one but yourself ok " he rubbed her forehead .

" here bite this " she felt the wood in between her teeth , muffling most of her screams as the doc began suturing the wound closed before she was out cold . it all felt like an eternity hell it could of been minutes or seconds for all he cared .

" she needs bed rest be safer to move her home then leaving her here some others  got injured so i need the space too , let me check your hand before you go " .

" ellie get the door " was all he said before carrying her out and back to his house for all he cared this was her home now .

first few days he barely moved from her bedside , ellie brought their food back then by the fifth day she awoke groaning and wincing sending him to his feet.

" You better not been sleeping on that damned sofa " she croaked.

" nah he's been either sleeping on that chair or the floor " ellie smiled seeing her eyes opening fully .

" did they check the land around  " she asked softly trying to sit up and thank joel for cup of water clearly the dryness in her throat .

" yeah they got the bastards hiding that was few days ago honey" he rubbed her head softly.

" tommy and maria told me to keep them updated so i'll get to that " ellie stood unsurely before rushing over and hugging the woman tightly.

" easy she's still recovering " joel hissed .

" leave her, hey darling girl i told you i wasn't going anywhere and I'm not breaking my word i love you too much  " was all sunshine said wrapping her own weak arm around the girl feeling her sobs vibrate through her.

" ok ok i'm going now and i love you too i guess   " she sniffled wiping her face.

" well i'll be here when you get back , can't get rid of me that easy " she smiled softly as ellie left

" you scared me you little shit " he sighed pressing his forehead against hers .

"i scared me but i couldn't  let that whore attack ellie or prick could of hurt you or ellie hell even tommy I'd never let that happen whether it get me in this situation or not " she felt her tears welling up .

" well no more hero act i can't lose you when i barely even got you , i do have you right? " his eyes showing nothing but love and awe as the worry and fear washed away.

" giving that you love me?" it wasn't suppose to come out like a question but she wanted to make sure she actually heard it and wasn't some hallucination due to her injuries or some sort of fever dream .

" giving that i love you "he confirmed now he look scared ,more scared than he ever been in his life never thinking he would find himself feeling this way . Falling in love again it was a dream come true and she was still here .

" if it helps old man i love you too " she smiled pressing into him leaning up and connecting her lips with his . she didn't even care her side was screaming burn pain when she pulled him deeper into the kiss . she needed him more than she needed oxygen . he needed her just the same , the feeling of finally having her in such away made his nerves come alive , though he held back so much still conscious of the state she was in .

" hey im no doctor but you ain't in any condition to be doing shit like that now apart before i put a hose on you two " she couldn't help the giggle at the younger miller pulling away her cheeks red as she looked to the visitors .

" they weren't as far as i thought " Ellie snorted .

" anymore ex's i need to hunt down " tommy teased yet she was happy for it all , happy she was here to see them all .

" you're still an ass , that's why your not my favourite miller " she rolled her eyes . " but no it was one ex " she almost whispered.

" hey her cheeks flushing is a good sign right" tommy continued his teasing as her cheek felt on fire hiding her head in joels neck .

" someone hit him for me " she whined as maria slapped him back of the head with a laugh. " thank you " she smiled.

" oh last of your stuff in down stairs by the way , joel figures since your going to be recovering here , it was safer to keep them here , i got your old mans knife cleaned and sharpened it for you " .

" you mean i did " maria rolled her eyes at her husband .

" i'm trying to be her favourite here" he laughed. " seriously how you feeling sunshine " he asked softly .

" like i got shot but yet luckiest girl ever" lay her head on joels shoulder.

" we found some pain relief we spilt it between you and maria when she does eventually pop " he smiled handing the small bottle to his brother .

" thank you , still not my favourite even if you give me drugs " she smirked as he shook his head laughing .

" well i ain't sticking my tongue in your throat to be your favourite miller now" .

" ellies my favourite miller excuse you " she shrugged making the girl eyes light up .

" i don't disagree with that choice one bit once i'm your second " joel smiled softly kissing her lips softly . finally having his sunshine back making his world bright again .

" hey guys" ellie called making them all look up to the beaming teenager . " can call me cupid from now on " she winked.

[mohgreal]

Morgott analysis/essay ?

x1702x:

Errrm Morgott thoughts ☝️🤓

sure

Morgott is the frist demigod you find in Limgrave, and if you choose to have some braincells and explore the rest of Limgrave; You'll have npcs talk about him and how you should fight him.

Now I did just that on my first playthrough and I got WRECKED. Despite having ten hours in and a bleed build, it was like a year since I last played a fromsoftware game (last time was dark souls 1 before that) and I played it like Dark souls 1 instead of playing it like Elden ring. Now because I enjoyed everything else so far I didn't want to give up yet so I was grinding my ass off in order to beat Margit.

When I tell you I finally did it was when we both died at the same time but the game registered him dying and I was so happy after banging my head against a wall for like six hours trying to beat him.

Anyway, fast forward in my first playthrough when I got to Lyndell and I saw his crusty toes again, I knew I was going to have to fight him again and I was ready to get my revenge (and get demolished again) Except, I beat Morgott in like less then ten tries. Then I thought about the rest of the game and I realised that because I was getting swept by Margit so hard I learned how to play the game. I learned how to dodge and have fast enough reflexes for every single other boss in the game that I never had to look up a guide again (thats a lie I looked up a guide for rennala, radahn and elden beast but shhhh)

Anyway after I read his remembrance of him protecting the erdtree but not being loved back I was really sad that my fluffy friend who hates me has a sad backstory so I looked into his lore.

I found how he was kept in a sewer and I was sad as hell but it also gave me more of a reason to beat up Marika(Radagon) up so....

Anyway lore wise, Morgott is the opposite of Mohg who everyone knows I ramble about; He wears Rags, has low self esteem, struggles with being the hornsent/omen king of Lyndell, and so on.

He learned to love what hated him, and because of that in death he is granted a death as a human by the greater will hence why he looks like a dried raisin when you kill him.

Morgott is my fren even if he literally bashed my head with a stick for six hours

gif for good measure ^_^

and yes this ignores sote lore because im not bothered to look into sote lore when it character assassinated my favs whoops

[devil-doll13]

Some House of Wax/Sinclair Brothers Headcanons I’ve had in my head that I’ve already shared w the server but… The rest of the world deserves to know.

Related to gif, Vincent is the ‘medical expert’ of the house solely because he’s the one who knows the human body/first aid the best. I mean, in the movie we see him stitching up those wounds on what’s-his-face pretty neatly, right? This is also part of the reason why he automatically reaches for Bo during this scene.

Given his birth date was sniffed out by fans before me (1970) and this man looks like he’s a cosplayer sometimes, I truly believe Bo idolised Elvis Presley as a kid, and maybe a bit as an adult as well. He still enjoys listening to rock n’ roll from that era when he’s in a good mood. When he’s in a bad mood, or doing his business™️ in his sex dungeon/basement, that’s when the Marilyn Manson comes on.

All of them have had an alt phase of some sort. For Vincent it was goth, for Bo it was rivethead/industrial rock and for Lester it was grunge.

Les is also down bad fucking horrendous for alt people in general. Yes, he has magazines stuffed down his sofa, yes, they used to be Bo’s.

Bo is allergic to nuts. He also gets really nasty hay fever. I also think possibly him having sensory issues/picky eater could’ve led to meltdowns as we see in the opening. And really, it’s the 1970s/80s do you expect his parents to understand or sympathise?

In contrast, Lester has the constitution of a Greek god somehow and has probably eaten some absolutely vile shit as a kid.

I know most people interpret Vince as sweet and shy but… While I do think he’s more measured and withdrawn compared to Bo, I also think being the ‘favourite’ in terms of being Trudy’s little art prodigy contributed to a sort of spoilt brattiness esp as a kid. (Exhibit A: The ‘Bo Sux’ fridge art in the opening) As an adult, there’s still a sense of entitlement to him. What I’m saying is that he’s an insufferable art nerd lol. He definitely isn’t toothless and his arguments with Bo aren’t necessarily one-sided, he’s just capable of ignoring him when he wants to; he’s used to his twin, after all. While I do think he’s capable of being soft, don’t forget this man killed a woman in cold blood and recorded it. I also think he can get snippy enough during arguments to combat Bo’s generally sharp tongue.

Speaking of which, everyone in the (surviving) family knows ASL. It’s necessary when communicating with Vincent.

Again with how prolific a killer Vincent is, I suspect he may be the one who does the most murder out of all of them. Bo is the handsome ‘face’ of Ambrose, and Vincent is right under the seedy underbelly with a knife, ready to spill guts (and then sew it up again once he’s got them in the workshop). Lester is similar to Bo in that he mostly just guides people toward the town, but I do think he gets his own notions sometimes.

From a more x reader perspective, Bo strikes me as a man who’s most charming when he’s not trying to be. Of course he can put on an act for victims/tourists, but those are just empty words, y’know? Also, has a kinda cheesy side.

I know everyone has Jonesy as Lester’s dog but… I think she’s really Vincent’s. In the movie, she’s always seen with Vin or in the house of wax itself, it’s only when he dies that she goes to Lester. I actually think Les is a cat person (tell me he wouldn’t actually encourage their hunting habits for his own personal collection…) while Vin is a dog person. Also, hot take I think Bo loves snakes and reptiles.

Given that the House of Wax and Ambrose itself is a big ol’ art project, and we’ve seen the state of the church (permanently in the middle of dead ass crusty Trudy’s funeral) I think there may be a sort of difficulty letting go of their past in the brothers, maybe some hoarding as well (I mean we haven’t even seen some of the other houses in Ambrose but this is just speculation). We get the sense that Ambrose is a place where time stands still, forever, until its conservationists finally die. Idk I’m talking out my ass here

[dragonblobz]

The Desert Pt 6

Canon who? Characterization? I don't know her. Hugging the robot bye.

Sunstreaker feels an odd sense of relief as he delicately wipes the last bit of crusty blood away from the human’s tiny squishy face plate.

He can still see discoloration that isn’t the normal fleshy hue on the rest of it. He wouldn’t know the word for bruising or what it truly is, only that the thing doesn’t look just as it had when he’d scared the daylights out of it the previous day.

And just when anger at himself would have brushed that relief away, it’s tiny soft servo reaches up to press into his large foredigit. Like it’s just as comfortable at his touch as he'd been at it’s own.

Nobody is this comfortable around him. Except Sideswipe.

A long moment. Him looking down at it. It looking up at him and just holding onto him. Before he finally vents and pulls away to stand. Aware that such comfort shouldn’t be encouraged.

He explains to the human that the existence of himself and the others cannot ever be spoken of. And it seems so willing to BE trustworthy. A part of him can understand why Bumblebee likes these creatures so much.

At least THIS one seems to be exhibiting the traits that the other autobot had spoken of. Intelligence. A willingness to listen. A desire to be trusted. And in the case of this particular one, enviable bravery. Or perhaps foolhardy bravery.

Sunstreaker finds himself having to fight back a smile as the little thing mimics sealing it’s own mouth with its tiny servo. A rueful one. What this conversation is leading to is foolish and outright dangerous. They CAN’T let it go.

It notices. And it’s expression changes. And… he likes this new expression. Has never seen it before in all of his long life. Like it’s…. In awe. Of him.

It makes him feel so oddly amicable. Suddenly willing to hear the human out. So he asks. He can FEEL Sideswipe’s consternation and disapproval as the human talks with such earnest. And he…… BELIEVES the little thing. Perhaps humans aren’t as inconsequential as he’d first thought.

And of course Sideswipe has to RUIN it. Blurting out Prime's title like it’s not supposed to be a SECRET. And the human jerks it’s tiny helm, reminding him of those tiny hairy creatures that scrabble along the trees near the ark. Squirrels, he thinks they’re called. Curiosity all over it’s face plate.

“For the love of Primus, Sideswipe….” Annoyance creeps in, staining the new fragile trust he’s feeling.

He can practically SEE the human’s processors whirring inside it’s little helm. So much for anything left of their secret. Sunstreaker glares at Sideswipe.

The human snaps it’s little hairy squirrel helm back in his direction.

“How many of you ARE there???”

Sunstreaker ignores the odd amusement he feels from it’s curiosity. This subject is DANGEROUS. And he closes off those good feelings and chooses to allow that annoyance to take over. Can feel it already smoothing out into that old comfortable anger. As he tells it that it doesn’t need to know.

It raises it’s little servos again. Right back to earnest and sincere. It doesn’t apologize, but the apology for prying is still obvious on its face plate. He refuses to feel any guilt about this change. It’s. Better. This way.

It wavers. Sunstreaker can see fear beginning again in the little thing. And that sticky dark feeling tickles at the back of his processor. Why? After the past several minutes? Does it suddenly think he’d hurt it again?

Sideswipe steps forward and crouches. Offering the comfort Sunstreaker is refusing to show. And his anger is bolstered by resentment. As his brother states what so obviously needs to be done.

This can’t be anything but trouble. And the only way he knows to react to trouble is anger. And this anger is even WORSE. Because there’s fear as well. They CAN’T trust this thing. But he WANTS to trust it. And he’s afraid of BOTH outcomes.

But the way it’s looking at Sideswipe… like it just knows it can’t look to Sunstreaker for comfort. He suddenly makes another decision he’s never made before. Apparently he’s just going to be doing such things today.

He let’s the HUMAN choose. And there’s several long moments of those little optics just staring up at him. Sideswipe’s disapproval is ignored.

“You’d… You’d let me go?”

They CAN’T let it go. He realizes, as he returns its stare, that he TRUSTS it somehow. But they CAN’T.

And he realizes, as this creature stares up at him like he’s actually the most important thing it’s ever seen, that he doesn’t WANT to let it go. And so, he does.

“I would. I trust you, human.” He can’t BELIEVE he’s just admitted this out loud. It’s a WEAKNESS. But he can concede that it’s a necessary sacrifice. Surely the human will choose its freedom. Anything would do that. And then he can wash his hands of it. Claim to Sideswipe that he’d been manipulative. And never make willing contact with another one of these infuriating flesh creatures ever again.

He really does believe the human. He truly believes it’ll never speak a word. And he can just parse thru THAT emotion later. Repress it for now.

It closes its little optics. It’s thinking very hard. Sunstreaker doesn’t understand. Surely this isn’t a difficult decision.

And it…. It AGREES WITH SIDESWIPE?? WHY???

Stupid infuriating human that doesn’t know what’s best for it. He sneers down in disgust. He’d gone against his own better judgement for this tiny idiot. And it still refuses to keep itself safe??

The human stammers up at him.

“I… I don’t want to… never… never see you… again…”

Sideswipe immediately gloats. Sunstreaker doesn’t even care, for once.

The human turns to look at his brother, and neither twin nor human notice the shocked  expression on Sunstreaker’s face.

It’s not curiosity. It’s not malice. There’s no underhandedness behind that little squishy smile it’s giving to his brother. It’s words revolve in his processor. He can’t understand them, or the sentiment behind them.

But….. he accepts them instantly. He can’t even BEGIN to understand why. He can think about that later.

Sideswipe is flicking his headlights at the human. And it’s giggling delightedly. For a moment, there’s just warmth in Sunstreaker’s spark. Just a single moment of him feeling lighter than he’s felt in centuries. It feels as if this human has been here with them the entire time.

But only a moment.

The idea of this little thing speaking softly inside of Sideswipe, patting his dash with its little soft servos. The jealousy is almost overwhelming to Sunstreaker.

“No.”

The human gives a little cry when he scoops it up. It doesn’t need to. The lightness is back at the contact. And Sunstreaker gives it one last scowl before transforming, swiping the creature’s pack off the ground as he does so. It ought to know better by now,  that he’s not going to harm it.

But it’s giggling and sounds…. This is the first time he’s had the delight of this creature aimed specifically at him. He makes sure to end the transformation with the human in the driver’s seat.

If Sides was going to do it, then he can do it BETTER.

“Strap in. I’ve got your pack.”

Sideswipe laughs and asks to see what their new little friend has got. The challenge reverberates thru Sunstreaker’s processor. And for the first time in so long, he feels that light sparked desire to WIN for no other reason than winning. No competition. No anger. Just the challenge and the pleasure at the prospect of racing his brother.

He growls at the human that they won’t let Sideswipe win, but there is no real anger behind the words.

And it’s like the human understands this without having to be told. He can feel those little digits wrapping around his steering wheel, and feels the same calm at it that he’d felt before.

“You’re so… fucking… cool.”

He chuckles without meaning to. He hadn’t expected that comment. He should have.

He expects the human to ease into this. Expects to have to augment its hesitation with his own energy.

What he doesn’t expect……

Is this human tromping the pedal and screaming and laughing like a fragging DECEPTICON as they explode down the highway in a screaming shower of dust and horsepower.

…………………….

“AAAAAAAHAHAHAABAAHAHAHAAAA!!!!”

I probably look like one of those floppy dogs sticking their head out a window. Even with the fancy muted Lambo interior, the engine sounds like a hellbeast and I can feel the trembling strain of it beneath my body. Rumbling along my spine.

I can’t press the pedal any harder. It’s flat to the floor. My knuckles look white from how hard I’m clutching the wheel. I feel the kind of adrenaline one can only feel when they’re going TWO HUNDRED FUCKING MILES AN HOUR.

We creep up on Sideswipe. It’s like this highway just unrolls out FOREVER. And it’s GLORIOUS.

Soon we’re neck and neck. And I’m just cackling and so full of joy.

“Concentrate. I don’t want to lose….” That voice around me. But he doesn’t sound mad at all. He sounds like he’s having fun too. And it makes my maniacal gleeful expression WORSE.

“Who cares if he wins?? This is WONDERFUL! We’re almost FLYING!”

I hear a new sound. No stunted half sound…… it’s a full bodied wonderful chuckle. All around me. And I feel so jittery and so ALIVE. It feels like, if we only go just a bit faster, we can leave my diabetes in the dust behind us.

“You want to fly? Alright then.”

I’ve got the pedal pushed all the way to the floor of this car. But I still feel the increased volume as his engine screams even louder. I glance down at the speedometer, the sole feature in his dash. Watch the needle tremble and climb.

“I’ll take it from here.” I feel the wheel shift under my hands. And now he sounds….. almost gentle….. protective?

“SHIT YES! FACK YES!”

The dessert is a blur around us. Browns and yellows blending into a mosaic. I’m so happy it HURTS.

“Scrap. Oncoming.”

Oncoming? I squint thru the windshield. It’s just a glint on the horizon. But I’m not stupid. It’s an oncoming vehicle. And we’re in the oncoming lane.

I whoop like a banshee. Hands leaving the steering wheel entirely to grasp the harness around me. Trusting him entirely.

“GUN IT! WE’VE GOT THIS!”

Timeless moments. Just the sound of his engine screaming. As if he’s considering this. And then, he answers.

“You got it.”

Somehow, his engine gets LOUDER. I suspect no ordinary Lamborghini could be pushed like this. The needle on the speedometer is just trembling at the top of the mileage.

And we do it. The car shuddering as we clear Sideswipe and jerk into the correct lane. We’re going so fast, that all I can see in his rear view mirror is the oncoming vehicle’s tail lights blaring red. Probably screeching their breaks. I chortle cackles like a crow.

Suddenly, I’m hearing Sideswipe laughing around me. Apparently Sunstreaker is letting him talk again.

“I’m sure glad you’re not a decepticon, little buddy! I slowed down!”

“You mean, we bluffed you?” I’m delighted. I don’t know why.

“Naturally. I knew he would.” Sunstreaker’s voice is dripping with pride.

I should probably be upset that my ghost car robot weighed his choices and decided to risk us. I’m not. I would have done the same. And it makes me feel such a comradery with him. Because I remember that I’d ASKED him to.

I impulsively reach around the steering wheel to just pat that sleek dash. And the engine continues to scream.

“How fast do you think we have to go to actually fly?” His voice has that same oddly unfamiliar tinge that it’d had when he’d told me to clean my own face first. Just very unlike him. Almost gentle.

And my adrenaline slips away. I’m just smiling at this dash like a potato.

“I got no idea, Sunstreaker. I flunked math.”

That chuckle around me again. I stop patting this dash and just rub my hands in it. I want to hug him so bad for some reason. I don’t even know how I’d DO that. Even as a robot, he’s HUGE.

“Ill have you know, we’re going faster than a lot of planes on this planet.” It’s such an odd thing for him to say. This planet? The implications…… but he sounds SO proud of himself. Almost egotistical. It’s ADORABLE.

I begin giggling myself.

“Sir. Are you… boasting??”

His engine screams. And he remains silent for a bit. Long enough for my giggles to die away and for me to wonder if I’ve said something wrong. Long enough for my hands to leave his dash and just cling to the harness around me.

“Would you still want to see us if I was?”

It’s such an unexpected question. That same gentle tone. And I know what he’s referencing. My comment earlier about not wanting to never see them again.

I just feel so warm and so peaceful suddenly. How does one reassure a ghost car robot possibly alien? Because that’s what he sounds like he needs.

“You betcha.”

I just lean back into this plush leather seat. Turn to look out the window. Watch the desert blend together. Watch that mosaic of baked life blurring into an art I could never draw nor paint. I CAN’T hug him. This is the best I can do in this moment.

Another several moments of silence. I catch the reflection of Sideswipe in the rear view mirror. And when Sunstreaker speaks again, I feel like I’m not the only person listening to him.

“Well. We’re not flying. But we can still TRY.”

His engine screams like the damned. And I smile like a dope.

[ddeluxevillain]

Project P0L3

Also known as Project Population. MXF! Robot x Reader AN: Sometimes I have to remind myself I'm not the most sinful person on this platform haha. This is a pretty vanilla fic, just you warming up to a robotic lover. Very light use of kinks. Mature themes! Read tags. 22K+ Words total (jk, I prolly count them. But this is a very long post. And an even longer fic. All chapters posted on Ao3! This is only the first one, and only half of it.)

Around 15 years have passed since the beginning of a new shift in time. Humans have started to decline in population. You’re one of the surviving few. You’ve seen humans less and less while hiding away in your little hole, eventually deciding it was safe. Day after day, you’ve slowly learned to adapt to living in your half-underground bunker. It was a quiet life, and for the longest, you’ve relied on your late parents to go out and retrieve for you. But since that day you’ve learned to move on and care for yourself. Life got more lonely. But you didn’t mind. You were busy learning to survive, gather, and revert to

becoming that classic hunter-gatherer. Occasionally screams would be heard, but your protocol was to ignore them until they went away. The only incident you’ve had in a while was an interaction with a desperate, dying, human. You do want to save the human race, but who would want to save someone who was being an arse?

A few days ago, you received a strange letter on your doorstep. Strange how they were able to find your front doorstep. The letter was neat, sealed tightly, with not a single speck of dirt on it. It looked as if it was brought from the past. After you opened the letter, it vaguely preached about ‘saving the human race.'

Hello ______________, We, the Council have reached out to inform you have been placed on a B.D. program to repopulate the human population. There is currently an updated log of approximately 6,2039 humans on planet Earth. For every single year, there will be 100 humans chosen for reproduction purposes. Based on personal documents, you are assigned female at birth. With this information, you are assigned a male partner for reproduction. There is a new policy. The 5-child policy will require couplets to produce five offspring. Once five offspring have been produced, they will be retrieved to be cared for by our nursing facilities. Male partners are functionally robotic. They are built and formulated for one purpose. This purpose is to guide you through your journey in this program. This robotic companion is meant to mimic parenthood and an intimate partner. At the time of this letter being sent, your robotic companion will arrive at your location in 3 days.

Best Wishes, The Council

Astonished, you tossed the letter to the side, not thinking much of it. But it was sitting in the back of your mind. For the next three days, while you were cleaning, cooking, and living your days you seldom thought about the letter. One day, there was an abrupt knock at the door. Or, lack thereof. A knock? There was no such thing as neighbors. You did your usual protocol, grabbing the bat and ready to strike. One downside of living in your bunker was the fact there was no telling who was outside. Adopting the “attack first ask questions later” mentality came in handy.

It only took you a minute to process what exactly you hit once you swung the trap door open. Now on the crusty floor beneath you was an Android. An oddly humanoid one. Its face was oddly simple and advanced. Like the ones you saw in Tokyo when you were a kid. Its skeleton was covered for the most part, by plushy silicon armor. If one could call it that. The armor covering the arms, legs, chest, and back all looked like synthetic chewy plastic. Very chewy, and very soft. Soft cyan LED lights illuminated beneath the plastic and between the cracks of metal completing the robot. A smooth black screen covered the robot’s face. Its paint was now a bit tinted by the surrounding dirt from being knocked over. Along with the robot, a small cotton bag was knocked over.

Breathing heavily in your mask made everything coming out of it sound deeper. Much more threatening if needed to be. You seemed much bigger, and tougher, with numerous layers of clothing on. No skin was visible, help with the sun now setting set made for a monster out of you. Now resting the bat upon your shoulder, you stared at the robot and finally remembered what all this was all about.

“They sent you here because they thought they could get something out of me eh?” You questioned.

The robot only nodded and wobbled as it regained its balance. Dusting its outer shell off, it lends a hand for you to shake. “Yep! I’m your assigned mate. Nice to meet you ______________!” The robot spoke. It buzzed slightly and hummed. Its voice was somewhat raspy and used a small bit of autotune. You looked at the hand through your green goggles and scoffed. You were living your days out like a champ! The rest could handle all the dirty work for you.

“You won’t get shit from me.” You growled, slamming the door at the poor robot. After all, it was just a robot. Not like it was any closer to being human.

“Please know I won’t leave until you open the door!~” The voice teased. It was loud. Too loud. He'd be an annoyance. Swinging open the door, you lunge at the robot and throw him inside onto the ground. “You shut your mouth and maybe you won’t be dissected into pieces.” You warned him. “There are hobos out there worse than me.”

“Yes, I would agree. But they don’t have their names on a B.D. Program, do they? My only purpose is to encourage and serve you while you’re in the program.” The robot replies. It gets up from the floor again and dusts off its belongings. You locked the airtight door behind you and put the bolt in place.

You let out a sigh, “What the hell is a BD program anyway?”

The robot smiled at this, and the two little dots for eyes turned into slits. You’re sure the robot meant well, but with its expression, it looks kind of malicious… “Oh? They didn’t tell you in the letter? Or did you not receive it?”

“I did receive it, I think it’s pure BS. Who does this ‘council’ think they are?” You replied.

“It’s similar to a conservation breeding program! Ever heard of them? I assume you lived in the time bracket when those existed.” Said the robot. “The council is a temporary group of humans that have humanity’s best interest in mind! They have decided to initiate this program so that humanity can get back to its steady numbers again. Once this goal has been accomplished, they will disband.”

Not only is being viewed as an animal terrifying, but the thought of having a kid scared you. It was a heavy ick you grew to hate over a short period. “I’m not doing shit. Others can do it for me.”

The robot still smiled and creaked as it turned around to keep facing you. You were checking out the water rust, something to hopefully signal this lugnut that it needed to get. “It’s my order. I’m not leaving until I’ve completed my goal.” It commanded, standing proud. Rolling your eyes wasn’t enough to explain your exhaustion. “As much as I love engineering and robotics, you’re not staying for long.” You sneered, not letting the robot speak for once. “Become any more annoying and I’ll dissect you like the little bug you are.”

The robot only continued to smile as you made a threat. It wasn’t necessarily empty—you’d be willing to make it come true. Besides the airlocks and the rust, there wasn’t much to check around the main entrance. All that’s left is to eat and you’ll watch the sunset for the rest of the day. “Make yourself useful and say to whoever sent you to fuck off.” You left for the robot. Venturing deeper into the small tunnel, you clasped a heavy lever and brought it down. Eventually, you were going to grow too weak to pull it. Not like it would be a problem since you’d die before moving around would become a burden.

“Want me to pull it for you?” A voice chirped, The robot appeared behind you, cocking its head to the side and resting both mechanical hands upon the bag strap.

“I’m perfectly fine. It’s supposed to be heavy.” You replied, still annoyed at the fact some random bugger came into your home. You had so many questions. How did the ‘council’ know you existed? How did they find any information about you? What’s keeping them from recording every interaction you’ve had with the robot? Nothing. Not only a privacy breach but a threat and a nuisance.

As the lever rested at its stop, large gears grind against each other. You were proud of your contraption. It was your beauty and pride. All of your inventions were. They made life easier, they kept you busy. A healthy busy. Unlike taking care of children.

Once the doors had withdrawn, the two of you ducked underneath and entered the home. Right behind you, the doors closed. Their heavy weight creaked slightly while they shut behind you. You throw your coat and accessories upon the table beside the entrance. The indoor part of your bunker was quite lavish and rustic. It was modeled after the perfect homes you used to live in before everything happened. You would die if it all were to ruined.

“So you’re just going to harass me until I say yes huh?” You asked the robot.

The robot tilted its head to the side. “Well… I wouldn’t say harass. I am here to win you over with your consent!”

Ugh. Being harassed and having some hunk of junk follow you around until you change your mind? Maybe in the far future but it was futile to convince you to do anything now. You walked over to the counter and started preparing your dinner. There were rarely any meats surrounding your area. They were believed to have been all hunted to the brink of extinction. At least, to your knowledge. Most of your diet was built upon cooked mushrooms and forest food. Occasionally, seafood. If you were incredibly lucky and wished to treat yourself. You had trouble growing your very own mushroom garden, but thanks to your huge collection you got the hang of it. The chicken mushroom was the closest thing you’ve had to meat. Naturally, it’s your favorite.

Taking out your cooking supplies, the robot leans on the counter. It’s a tad bit taller than you—a few inches give or take. “For your information, I will be right by your side for the rest of the time you are on this program.” It peeped. Nerd.

“Tell me something I don’t know.” You scoffed.

The robot only kept smiling. It watched you oil your pans, prepare your mittens, and set out the seasoning. You never thought of yourself as the type of person to be a farmer. You learned to do anything and everything by the hand. Your home cooking tasted the best it could—to your ability.

“I bet your cooking tastes nice.” Praised the robot.

You only nodded, knowing you were right. The robot settled down upon a bar stool and dropped its tote bag. “I’m solar-powered and have a huge rechargeable battery! I hope you have outlets or a sunroom somewhere.”

“I have access to the sun. I’d prefer to return to my own life though. Please go back to where you came from.”

The robot only shakes his head and repeats what it just said. “I told you. I’m not going anywhere. My only job is to ensure that you are serving your purpose while on this program. Take as long as you like. I promise I can wait, but don’t keep me waiting too long!” This is quickly getting aggravating. You loved your quiet life. You’d rather go head to head with this robot than give in whatever they have in store for you. As the vague smell of chicken filled the air, you relished the now-fried mushrooms. They looked fantastic, as usual. You had few plates and silverware due to living alone. You don’t even think about serving your intruder as you plop yourself onto a bar stool and start digging in. It burned your mouth, but you were really hungry! Hunger over pain you guess.

You could feel something on you, but not eyes. Turning your head, you see the robot’s ‘pupils’ fixed on you. The black pupils were now enlarged, much like a curious cat. You have to admit, whoever designed the robot made it cute. It was a simple and endearing design. But that’s all it was.

“Can you not stare at me while I’m eating?” You asked it.

“Ok!” It chirped. Its pupils now shrank. So small, that its face was now blank—with only a faux smile. You could only sigh as you finished the last few bites of your fake chicken. Throwing the dish into the sink, there wasn't much else to do other than watch the sunset. Like you usually do. You left the dining room and climbed the narrowly steep stairs to your second floor. You could call your little bunker a condo if you’d like. Nestled among a high canyon cliff, yet lodged between a perfect pine forest. A unique terrain, a lovely one at that. As you crawl out of the trapped door and pull down a string, the array of cloth curtains arise and let the rays of light shine through. You were so busy with setting up your watchtower, that you didn’t notice something slinking out of the same trapped door. You nearly gave yourself a heart attack with how quiet the robot sneaked up into your room! How’d it get in here so quietly? “Don’t sneak up on people like that!” You yelled at it. It accepted all your words while sitting criss-crossed on the floor. Ignorant, and blessed. “What if I decided to go along with your stupid program? You wouldn’t scare someone pregnant would you?!” You continued. “Besides this is my canopy. You are not supposed to be up here.”

The robot buzzed, processing your words. “I’m sorry ____________, but I must remain with you.” Shit. You probably would have to dissect this thing if you wanted to return to your normal life. You let out a huge sigh and threw yourself onto your large hammock. As you adjusted your tank top, the sweet smell of fog entered your small canopy. “If you’re gonna be here, tell me more about this program. And… this council.” The robot nodded enthusiastically as it opened its mouth, ready to drone on.

“I am Pixel, your male counterpart, assigned to be your spouse. We prefer to use robotics instead of other humans to limit the possibility of violent exposure and infection. The Council consists of 8 humans. All remain anonymous. They prefer to make history, not teach about it. The program was started ten years ago. Based on your gathered information you are younger than 25.”

They must have been stalking you or something. Or found out about your little canopy. You thought you looked pretty manly yourself whenever you put up your camo coat to head out for hunting. Goggles, a bashanka, wrapping layers around you just to remain unknown to anyone and everyone. Yet this unheard council managed to know your exact location and personal information. “Tell me that you guys have been stalking me. It’s annoying how you figured me out despite my efforts to stay low.” You grill the bot.

“We have our ways of getting information.” It smirks in response.

You sneered. “Are you filming all of this?” You interrogated.

“Only if you want me to. The Council has an oath of sticking by rules set by past humans! This includes privacy issues. Though none of these recordings will be collected by the Council. At the end of my mission, you can either trash these recordings or transport them onto a USB.” It answered. A thought popped into your mind. It was… an incredibly weird thought. Nonetheless, you suppose you knew not of social anxiety. There were not many humans left after all.

“I’m gonna ask a freaky question.”

The robot’s eyes widened, much like a camera’s lens focusing. You grimaced. “Do you… have… like a robot dick?” Even though Pixel wasn’t a human, it felt abnormal to ask such a protruding question. The robot only let out an artificial laugh while covering its mouth with a hand.

“You can ask any questions about me. And yes, I do have faux genitalia. How else am I supposed to help in this program?” It responded, now wrapping an arm around its stomach. You were… intrigued, to say the least by how this worked exactly. You’ve heard of sex dolls but a whole-ass robot? Technology must be incredibly advanced from where the Council came from. To your knowledge, they were rich dirty hogs that only saved all the resources for themselves. They didn't care about the rest of humanity. Not if the rest of us were suffering while they probably lived in skyscrapers that touched the clouds. Eating caviar and drinking cocktails to pass the time. You were eating and snacking on mushrooms. You felt worse than the lower class. “Any other questions?” The robot said. You thought for a moment. The more you engage with the robot, the more it will build a relationship with you. Knowing you didn’t want any part of this program, you probably needed to stop probing. Why’d you let him in again? Oh. Because he was being noisy. You could probably kick him out tomorrow. You scoffed at the robot and got up from the large futon. Today was coming to an end and the sun was past setting. Violet and navy streaks now covered the dying light. The sun was now just a ball of light. It was dimming ever so slowly.

Showering wasn’t much of an option. Unless you felt like collecting gallons upon gallons of pond water. Not only would you need to travel close to half a mile, but you would need to clean the water as well. The water was clean, but who knew what brain-eating amoeba lived in the freshwater you collected? Hours upon hours of just boiling water. You’ve adjusted to be comfortable with skipping showering for a day or two.

As you pick out some more comfortable clothing to change into, the robot gets up from its place and sits on the single wooden couch beside your table. The robot just sat there, clueless to the supposed ‘privacy’ it preached about. If it understood privacy it would leave the area and let you change in peace. “Can you not stare at me when I’m about to undress? Go to the other side or something!” You shouted. The robot calmly obeyed and started making a weird noise. Its front face began making a small whirring sound, seemingly powering down. Its facial features disappear, and the pixels turn black. The screen was off. Did it shut down? No. The soft glow of the light underneath the padding of the limbs and stomach was still awake. Was… it sleeping? To be safe, you picked up a stray blanket and covered the robot with it. If it shut down for the rest of the night, then you’d probably be free of it bothering you until morning.

Now in your comfiest of clothing (which to be honest, felt like bear skin), you could finally rest for the night. Besides being a chef, you had to learn how to be a carpenter. Bringing in wood and carving it in a way so that you could easily sleep on it. Abandoned libraries were your favorite places to make bases. They were quiet, besides the acceptable wind and echos of random little noises. Often, the one you most frequently visited was almost like a cathedral. Large, wide ceilings. Intricate designs are engraved and carved into the cement. Heck, you even found a couple of gargoyle statues around the place. A book on carpentry was added to your collection once you found the section for informational books. A few pages were covered in smaller mushrooms, but it was easy to tear them out and cleanse the book. You didn’t need them anyway. You learned shit about woodwork and done! You can now easily craft furniture. Crazy in retrospect how you couldn’t even craft a spear when you were a kid. Pot and ceiling plants littered your canopy, and the rain that came upon your terrain rolled off the clear plastic shield and into a vast silo you set to collect water. Then the cycle continues all over again. Only natural light lit up your room, and when it dimmed, it was time to rest.

As you hopped into bed, a mechanical noise began. You stop putting the blanket over you and stare at the sound of a fan beginning to start up. The LED lights grew brighter, and alongside the fan were gears and metal grinding together. The head of the robot shifted, and you can see the glow of the eyes and the mouth appear. They shine through the blanket. The robot troubles itself before scrunching the blanket above its head—much like a makeshift hood. It blinked a few times, its pupils now a bright cyan. It kindly smiles and looks over to you.

“We’re sleeping already?” peeps the bot. The robot lifted itself from the couch and draped the blanket over its shoulders. It hopped over to the edge of your bed near your headrest. A solar-paneled night light sat in the corner of your nook. “Hell no. You’re not coming into my bed.” You grimaced. Turning to your side to face the wall, you flip the blanket to cover you fully.

“Are you cold?” It inquired. You grumbled and shuffled around in your bed. Not only did this thing wake up just to bother you, but you couldn’t even think and sleep in peace!

“It is currently 54° Fahrenheit. The room temperature should be around 75° Fahrenheit. Do you wish for me to turn on the heat?” It asked in an unusually monotone voice. But heat? You had gotten used to the cold. Lower temperatures were familiar. Now out of nowhere, some high-tech bot offers a heating system? Perhaps reconsidering getting rid of the robot would be a good option. Maybe it was some use after all. Flipping around to face the bot, you’re met with an eager face. It had the temperature in the corner of its face. “You can do that?”

“Of course! I’m built with the latest technology. A heating and cooling system is just one of the many convenient functions I have.” Pixel answered. You furrowed your brow and stared still, “Well then turn it on! What are you letting me freeze for?” In response, the robot lowers its head. Its eyes close and a small glow of orange overcomes the once-electric blue light. You can sense the warmth begin to emit out of the vibrating robot. Once it seems to be done, it smiles at you and places a warmed metal hand on your shoulder.

The heatboxed robot stayed still. A small amount of tension built itself once you found yourself just staring at it. “You don’t have a thing where the hot air blows at you?...”

It corrects you, “No. I’m a heated teddy bear. Not an electric gas heater. If you want to get any more heat you’ll have to hug me.”

“What.”

“You have to hug me. Similar to how children hug their-”

“Yeah yeah yeah, I know. You’re putting me in a tough box here. I don’t feel like cuddling you. Can’t you just hover over me?”

The robot withdraws, and the cozy firelike heat that came from it goes away. “If you want any more heat you’ll have to let me sleep with you.” It confidently spoke. It crossed its arms and cocked its head to the side. Man, if you wanted to get any closer to modernity like those bastards in the skyscrapers you were going to give in some things. “You’re being such a cuck right now dude.” You gritted between your teeth. Pixel gave a tiny shrug and started crawling into bed, now returning the warmth you once felt. It felt like the coziest fireplace you’d ever experienced. Now sprawled on your bed, you hesitantly let the smug robot cuddle you. It wraps its balmy arms around you, and you can finally feel the heat to the full extent. You two turn to the side, with the robot being the bigger spoon. Your legs are entangled with Pixel’s. “Are you comfy now?” He hums. “Yeah…” You mumble. Perhaps you’ll grow to tolerate him.

The heat begins to make you more sleepy. Snuggly and toasty. It’s a strange rare feeling that you welcomed with open arms. Miss Moon finally showed herself, seeping through the curtains and shining with her sultry stars. As you stare into the night, you feel a chin place itself on the nook of your neck. You could feel the rising of the robot’s chest. To be honest, it felt quite human. The warmth and breathing habits mimicked a person’s perfectly. The artificial heartbeat in perfect sync with yours. The arms of the bot wrapped tightly around your chest holding you close. It felt weird having Pixel’s groin shoved up against your ass. But you weren’t one to complain since you had a heating source now. You were too tired to move anyway.

There you slept. In your nook with your new mate.

"Good morning Sunshine!" A voice boomed. First few minutes in the day and you're already being berated by some annoying, agitating, grating voice. "Let me sleep in Pixel." You groaned. The bed sheet covered your face, and your eyes felt like they had been sewn shut. The morning was a bit colder without a noticeable body right by your side.

A lukewarm hand slid underneath your arm and over your stomach as something pecked your cheek. "It's already ten. I think you should be up." Soothed the voice.

"Did you just give me a kiss?"

"No."

Slowly opening your eyes, you turn to face the bot. "What was that you put against my cheek then." He answered, "That was to check your temperature. It’s mandatory."

“Act a fool.” You sighed. The robot was sitting up, seeming awake for quite some time. Your body ached in the morning more often now. It was probably something you ate. Or lack thereof.

As another hand made its way down your back you instantly jolted.

"Dude! My back is sensitive. Go touch something else like grass."

"I have one purpose. I-" You cut him off by diving further underneath your blankets and shielding your head from all the boring spiels he might go onto. You can hear the muffled noises flow out of the robot's speaker, and your headache is already starting to develop. "I'm a former nursebot! 20 years then repurposed. Now I'm just a cuddlebot." You make out. You peep an eye out of the blanket. "Shouldn't be surprised. Your only goal here is to fuck and get kids anyways." The robot seems semi-offended by your 'insult'.

"I'm a cuddlebot for a reason. Not just sex and hugs. I'm here to build a relationship with you. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Take as long as you like getting cozy in our relationship. But I’ll have some kids with you someday~"

That's some comfort. You were expected to have kids someday. You've heard of parents pressuring kids to have grandchildren, but you'd never thought you'd experience it yourself. You're only 19. Not even 20, and you need to have kids? You'd rather eat mycelium. "Say... If I'm never willing to have sex with you, what would you do?" You asked. The robot paused for a moment, contemplating what to say next. "If you're feeling that way, and continue to feel like this after a couple of years I would report to the council. But let's focus on today. I'm mainly concerned with how you will react with physical affection." Informed Pixel. He smiled at you with his hand now under your tit.

"Maybe I'll get more comfortable if you stop trying to cop feels whenever you can." You scolded. He nervously laughed and withdrew both hands, both formerly in intimate areas.

"Note taken. So what do you plan on eating for late breakfast?" Pixel interrupted, diverting from the fact that he was being handsy. "Mushrooms again?"

You lifted yourself and got up from your bed. Taking a look at your closet, you only see a few tank tops and cargo pants left. Washing clothes would be a must today. The robot hopped off and followed close behind you, keeping a distance too close for comfort. "Today might just be a mellow day. I don't have anything to do unless wash all my clothing. Might have to go search for more food and tend to the garden. You good with gardening?"

"I know the basics about many common plants. To teach children. But otherwise, I have a chip that allows me to learn and store information. You can teach me!" Said the robot. You accepted the response and picked out a white tank top with a set of shorter cargo pants. You throw the clothes onto Pixel, the bot taking it. He stood there quietly as you swiftly changed out of sleepwear and into your day clothing.

"I see you're more comfortable with changing in front of me now!" Exclaimed the robot. You grumbled and zipped the flyer on your pants. Now on the first floor, you walked over to the counter. Having no fridge was no good, so you resorted to ice boxes and cold pond water. You probably wouldn't have much to eat besides tofu and a few spare rabbits. Your garden was developing nicely since fall's floods destroyed half of it.

As you took out the tofu, you didn't bother to take out a plate. Eating straight from the wrap that made it in was enough. At some points, you wondered about harvesting honey. But it would be too difficult considering you don't have a proper suit. You also have yet to reach a book teaching you about the subject. You didn't bother. Pixel comes down after you finish your last bite of the plain meal. You wish the peppers would start growing already. You could easily make sriracha sauce. Get a kick out of this bare meal. "You're done eating?" Pixel asks. You nod silently and dispose of the wrapping. You adjusted your tank top and walked over to your dirty bin. "You can wash half of these, I'll take care of the rest. Laundromat is out by a few minutes so get your trekking boots on." You ordered the bot. He nods happily to your message and picks up the heavy basket. The two of you head outside. Usually, you'd put on some type of uniform. Especially while going out, but this was a short trek. You shouldn't be gone for long.

Hopping over a few branches, you both begin your small journey.

As you sit on a couple of wooden boards, Pixel takes a seat right next to you. He sets down the basket and takes out a few articles. You take some from him and begin dipping the clothing into the water.

"So have you ever traveled outside of this center?" Pixel asked.

You paused for a moment. "Center? This is just some forest. If that is the name of this forest. But no, I haven't traveled much outside of the forest and canyon."

"Oh!!" Pixel blurts. "They do name the sectors in this state. This is sector 12. It's been untouched, and rumored to have a very territorial specimen. I'm the first android to set food in here. Well, besides the drones." Pixel smirks as he finishes that last sentence. His head tilted towards you. Drones? That's probably how they found out about you. Territorial specimen? Did they mean you? Not only was it quite funny but you also realized that the only reason that could've gotten that information was through interactions. Which means some of the people you've been killing might have been a part of the Council's operations. Whoops... You apologize, "Sorry about that... It's pretty amusing though you have to admit." Picking up the clothing and scrubbing it viciously against the wood-ashed soap. The bubbles and studs sprayed all over your tank top, and vaguely tinge your eyes. Pixel could only laugh, the situation seemed too funny to him. Some ape-like swamp thing terrorizing (murdering) employees. He meticulously wrung and scrubbed your clothing, making sure the soap was all over the article of clothing.

"I was informed you are an orphan. Is that true?" Pixel asked. It was a somewhat sensitive topic for you. But at the same time, you felt numb. you never felt the need to discuss anything about your parents. You have nothing to remind you of them. They seem like a distant memory at this point. Your father was just a man who taught you things. Your mother was just a woman who nursed you. When they were gone that day you accepted fate, as they had told you. Since then you've been on your own. You stop scrubbing and rest for a moment. "I don't have anything to say about them. It's all just a fuzzy memory."

The robot dims its screen and slants its expression. The smile now is a frown, and he relaxes his arms too. "I'm sorry for your loss. Even though you don't remember them I'm sure you three had good memories together when you were younger. They're just buried. Somewhere."

Being alone was a comfort for you. You'd rather be the parent than be of a parent. You didn't like the thought of being bossed and told what you could and couldn't do.

You thank Pixel and get back to washing. Pants after shirt, tank top after cargo, hazard suit after hazard suit. You both eventually finished the entire basket. Pixel insisted that he carry the basket back for you. You could only mutter good grief to yourself as you led the way for Pixel. The little android follows closely behind, urging he must hold your hand on the way back. It was annoying, but you didn't want to hear him pester you.

Leaving up the clothing to dry was the relaxing part. The day was now in midsession, and it was around lunch. One of the things left was eating rabbits. It was a bit stale but who are you to complain? Squirrels and stray birds weren’t sufficient enough for your appetite. After finishing dinner, you helped Pixel change his solar battery and decided to hike out to the upper garden.

Once you took the small hike, you realized there was much work to do. You didn’t have many gardening tools besides your shovel and rake. But who needed anything else? You did most things by hand. It was much faster for you. As you stepped over a few of the growing plants, you needed to tend first to the ones that needed water and pest removal. The aphids and earwigs were the worst. You assigned Pixel to pull out any suspicious weeds, while you added to compost, watered, and put some more fertilizer. Towards the end, you felt better about your garden. The tomatoes were dwarfed but it was something you could harvest and eat. Pixel carried all your groceries once again and followed you back into the bunker.

Sun always sets early now. How long did you spend in the garden? Who knows. Probably an hour or so. The sky looked greyer than usual. It should be around two or three. Days just seem to take longer, stretching tasks to fill the day. It’s worked most of the time. Day after day. You hopped onto the hammock and saw the few birds that flew by. They were probably migrating due to the soon-coming winter. Meaning all your efforts put into the garden were most likely going to go to waste.

The floor creaked and the trap door opened as Pixel climbed onto the floor. “Are you done for the day? If you have anything to do left, I can do it for you.” You turn your head towards the back of the room, seeing the android walking towards you.

“Pretty much. You can filter the wasted water. There’s a station outside. Take a right and walk up the trail. You should reach the hill that stops on top of the bunker. It’s a two-minute walk from the garden. You do know how to filter water, right?” You informed him. The bot nods and heads your order, now opening the door and descending the stairs. Now left alone in your room, you decided to take a shower for today. Pixel should be able to filter the silo.

It had taken Pixel an hour or so to complete the process. It should go through two nights, that way you’ll have clean water by Saturday. You felt refreshed, sitting on your bed. All that was left was for Pixel to appear. You breathed heavily and stared at the stray pages you pasted upon your walls. Some were your favorite books—pages and pages about fake scenarios. Fantasy worlds and journeys, all whimsical and comical. You’d lose yourself within the books, reading over and over again parts about fighting dragons. Witches and wizards fighting off spirits. You pay anything to be in their worlds. Depressing books that let you truly see what humans were like decades ago. A Japanese author letting his deepest thoughts down on paper, a psycho running rampant, boys who are stranded eventually turn to savagery. You could spend the rest of your life reading and writing—and you’d be undoubtedly happy.

The trapdoor opens, and a dirtied robot comes through the wooden shaft. Dirt and debris were stuck all over its screen, limbs, and knees. Pixel smiles at you as he latches the door lock. “Hi ____________!” He peeps. You get off of your bed and stare at him. You asked, “What the hell happened to you?”

Pixel laughs, “I fell down a hill. The mud can be pretty slippery at times.”

“Well, you’re not taking another step in my bedroom. Go to the shower and rinse yourself off.” You scolded. You guide Pixel over to the water basin and help him step in. You never thought that it would be possible for someone to bathe a robot yet here you were, scrubbing and rinsing off the dirt that was stuck to the robot’s plates. The lights glow under the water, refracting and illuminating the surrounding tiles. You swore Pixel was purring when you were scrubbing his stomach. After drying Pixel off, you two set for the night. The sun was set once again. Your view that you grew accustomed to was one high above all else. The canopy was secret and hid in plain sight among other vines and trees growing on the cliffside. “Your bed is cozy for someone who lives in the wild.” Whispered Pixel. “I take that as a huge flattering compliment on my crafting skill. Not easy finding blankets in tip-top shape.” You prided. You lay sprawled out on your bed again. Pixel was lying next to you, arm underneath your head. Mimicking a headrest. His other arm lying across your stomach. He has a content grin on his face as you rant to him about random things, your early memories, and incidents you’ve had with the infected.

The robot just listens, taking in everything you’re saying. “Wow. Sounds like you’ll have to be pretty strong to handle all of that.” He says.

“Yeah, survival of the fittest I guess.”

The robot just stares at you. You notice him and turn your head to face him. “What are you staring at me for.” You interrogate him. The robot circles your abdomen with his index, stating, “Nothing. You just look awfully appealing.”

“Are you trying to flirt with me?”

“Maybe. Maybe not.”

“Flirting doesn’t work on me bud. Don’t think I don't know what that is—I read romance novellas before. I know where this is going.”

The robot stops its curling motion and places its hand flatly. ‘I know. But why not accept it?” Pixel takes his hand from your stomach and from underneath your head and rests his head in between them. His face now has a sleepy expression. But it’s clear all his attention is still on you. “What do you think happens when an isolated individual that has been alone for all of their life is suddenly asked to give someone the most intimate form of love Pixel.” You flatly state. You’re baffled at how he’s contradicting his ‘take-your-time’ motto. The bot could only smile as he rolled over, his head now directly next to yours. A hand shuffles over to your ass and begins to fondle it.

“You don’t need to be for the most part. As long as we start with little things like this.”

Out of the blue, a heated surface pecks your face again. It doesn’t leave as quickly as before though. By the time you register what he’s doing, Pixel stops kissing you.

“I’m glad. I want you to be okay with me giving you little pieces here and there.” He says, and snuggles against your side. This time, his body is tightly packed against yours. He has his heating system on.

“So you did kiss me!” You exclaimed. Pixel laughs slightly. You could sense his heartbeat, and it was unusually slow. You didn’t do anything that night. It was a quick adjustment from taking in some random robot to sleeping with it the very first night it came in. But hey, you’ve had weirder things to deal with. At least he’s peaceful. Unlike some of those zombies. That night was easier for you. Everything felt just right. You imagine what incredibly fictional dreams you’d be having tonight. All while a little android cuddled and wrapped itself around you for the entire night.

For the next few weeks, Pixel was a big help in doing your daily chores. The extra hand in hunting and retrieving made everything easier. You could probably use him as a maid bot rather than a love bot. However, he was constantly trying to be intimate with you. You’ve grown to be okay with the little touches here and there. He’d tend to wrap his arms around you. He’d insist on holding your hand or something apart of you. When you’d finally settle down for the day Pixel would peck at you and insist he holds you tight. It began getting annoying when he’d ruffle around and get very handsy—specifically at night. You couldn’t give up the offer on massages though. Your stiff body needed some forced relaxation after a day or two. He’d always gladly give you one. Anything to further your intimacy. The bot would remark on how soft you were. Besides all your toned muscles, and scars covering your body. You’d often feel silicon fingers squeeze at your thighs, massaging and rubbing on your inner side. Though you’d stop him before he got too close to straight up fingering you. Sometimes he’d squeeze your face, fangirling about how cute you were. How humans were so adorable and fragile.

While you were cooking, you now had someone new to bother you. Ranting to you about foreign subjects, cupping your bits while he’s at it. You began to wonder was this what past relationships were like? One spouse just lets the other one do whatever they want to them as a sign of love. Probably. As the next weeks passed, Pixel could practically do whatever he wanted with you. You’ve gotten through kissing sessions, naps filled with him just swaddling you, and intimate moments talking about your future. You’ve got to admit. Not only did you grow on him, but you’ve also grown to accept that he’s your spouse. It’s good to have a conversation with someone other than yourself. Though you’ll never tell him some of the things you’ve done before he arrived.

Although it’s been just three or four months, Pixel observed how comfortable you were with him now. From threats to tearing him apart to hugging him and letting him comfort you during your restless nights. Because of your progress, he stopped reminding you of his ‘mission’. Because he knew that you’d approach him one day. Just when you felt comfortable enough.

And approach him you did. Friday 13th, November 2901.

It was now more of a transition into winter. The forest slowly turned its leaves into autumn foliage. The wind tends to howl more at you from its distance. You don’t see as many animals to hunt anymore. You needed to transition into winter as well. Figuring out a solution for keeping the greenhouse and garden warm might be more of an extensive problem—but you’ll get over it. More reading up on gardening and agriculture for you. You felt like a university student.

As Pixel massages your shoulders, you stress about how tedious it is to survive out here. You were getting tired of life. You yearned for the easy-modern life of past humans rather than having to live the apocalyptic dream. What was Twitter? What the heck was COVID? Why was it so important in textbooks? It was probably the early stages of robots. And the internet sounded too cool. Being able to interact with people across the planet at the touch of a finger must be heavenly. You wouldn’t need to send out mail or use radio towers anymore. Like you would be writing letters in this time of age anyway.

The time was around six when Pixel stepped into the room with a steaming pot. Hopping over to your desk, the bot places the pot down and a couple of utensils. You’re in the middle of reaching a book that you found interesting as a break from reading up on agriculture. “Ready to eat?” He asked, trying to set down the window so that not too much of the autumn air would get into the room. You hummed in response and stared at the meaty stew he cooked for you. “Squirrels are pretty hard to catch y’know. Humans should be eating at least two meals a day.”

“I can eat only once Pixel, I’ll be fine.”

Pixel nudged your shoulder and wrapped his arms around your neck. He boos at you quietly while nuzzling his face into your head. A silicon hand crawls its way down your arm and stops upon your hand, holding it still for a moment. He then nuzzles into the nook of your neck and purrs into your ears. “You worked so hard today, I’ll spoon-feed you if you let me.” He’s being extra touchy today. But… maybe you deserved something nice—maybe… a little love. You have to admit it full-on. You liked him. A lot. It gets lonely and silent when he’s not around. He was also your personal maid and tending to every little thing that inconvenienced you. You grew onto him a lot more quickly than you intended. You just wished he wasn’t part of that stupid council. And you could just live out the rest of your life with him. Maybe… one… kid….

One…

Pixel pulled another stray stool over and dipped the spoon he was holding into the stew. Holding it close to your mouth, he imitates a small ‘aahhh’. You open your mouth and swallow the thing whole. It had a savory taste, the salt and rosemary making up for most of it. After a couple of minutes, Pixel fed you the last spoonful of the meal. It was a good meal, and you’re glad that you tried it. To be honest, maybe Pixel was a better cook than you.

The night set in around eight as you and Pixel put up and ready the house for the night. It was even colder, with it being around only 30 at night. Cuddling up to Pixel was a great comfort and a nightly tradition. The solar-powered night lights shimmered above the ceiling. The pine and fern plants near the huge canopy window reflected the dim light. It felt kind of romantic. All that was needed was wine. Which neither of you nor Pixel knew how to make. Peculiar how they didn’t add that function to him. Pixel hopped into your bed first and shoved the thick comforter off, giving you a clear space to sit. You hopped right beside him and climbed onto his lap. His fingers slid underneath your black tank top as you settled down for the night. Wasting your electricity for the thing you had planned for tonight might be worth it.

“You’re still wearing a bra? Aren’t your shoulders sore? It might be too tight on you while you sleep. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable while sleeping.” He whined. You sighed and leaned up against his head, permitting him to undo your bra straps. As the straps fell, you felt your chest finally rest after being tied up all day. Admit it, it’s relaxing. Pixel reaches underneath your top and unhooks it one more time before slipping the bra off and throwing it onto the floor. You’d probably wear it again the next day. Now free of any barriers in his way, the cheeky bot softly cupped your breasts and massaged both of your tits gently.

It felt good. It felt lovely. He felt human. You whined softly as he continued his hands further down and underneath your thin shorts. What was the point of wearing clothes at this point? You were comfortable enough with him to walk around bare. Tonight you were ready. Pixel slid his hand over your clothed womanhood and gently rubbed between your two lips. You were already half-wet. As soon as you let out another quiet moan, his fingers started softly vibrating. You place a hand upon Pixel's cheek and another on the hand shoved in your underwear, guiding where your sweet spots were. Pixel lifted the hand still cupping your breast and started moving your clothing down your waistline, now being able to see you in all your glory.

"Pixel." You whispered.

"Yes?"

"I—...I think I'm ready."

More chapters, a love scene, and a picture of your robot husband on Ao3!

[the-panmixxia]

Pound of Prevention (and an ounce of cure) Chapter 1

Before we begin the fic, I would like to preface this by saying - this is my continuation of the 'A Black Cat For (un)Luck' and is also my big bang for this year! I was lucky enough to be paired up with @im-an-anxious-wreck to create some incredible art. I hope you check them out and stay tuned for the master post! (I no longer have a pc, so I'm doing all this on mobile,,, please be kind lmao)

"Oh em gee. What's a lil cutie like you doing in here?"

Virgil froze, fur standing on edge as spook quietly tilted spooks head. In the darkness of the apartment, spooks vampire roommate lurked rather ominously. The vampire that was supposed to be at work right now, shit. Had Virgil forgotten a day off, holiday of some kind? Why the fuck was Remy here!

"An itty bitty kitty~" They purred, and faster than Virgil could blink, spook was lifted by the scruff. "Where the heck did you come from? How'd you even get in? I bet Virgil let you in, knew that little shit was keeping a secret. Honestly thought spook just had a boyfriend or some shit like that. I prefer this though."

Virgil yowled in mild irritation, willing spooks body to move so spook could get out of this embarrassing hold. Remy simply smiled, showing off a row of pearly whites, along with an intimidating set of fangs. Virgil would've been intimated if it wasn't Remy.

"Spicy lil' cayenne coffee, huh? What do you want, babes?"

'let me down!' Virgil internally roared. It came out as a fierce sounding hiss, but Remy simply cooed in spooks face. Humiliating.

"Oohhh I'm keeping you. Don't care what Virgie says. You snooze, you lose. C'mon, there's some chicken in the fridge, it's time to totally manipulate your affection and make me your fave owner. Yeah. Bet cranky lil Virge never gives you chicken, huh? Criminal. Absolutely criminal."

Virgil was plonked down on the cabinets, gentle claws scratching spooks ears before wandering off towards the fridge. Spook meowed imploringly, but was ultimately ignored. Bummer. The kitten looked around, sniffing the outlet and cringing at how filthy it was. Spook should probably clean the kitchen properly in the morning, the landlord would probably blow up and evict them both if they reported another ant infestation.

Spook peered over the edge of the cabinet as Remy was preoccupied googling what cats could eat. The answer was no they can not eat fruit loaf Remy you idiot -

Hmm. The ledge was too tall for Virgil to safely launch spookself off. In human form, spook had a reputation as the perfect blend of cat and cryptid due to the uncanny ability to appear on random surfaces and within impossible crevices - though it seemed in actual cat form, Virgil was lacking.

This called for one thing. It was time to meow frantically until everyone caved to spooks needs.

Meows began, slipping out the kitten's body with ease, practically screaming with urgency. Lemme down! Lemme down, I want down!

It was effective, Remy whipping around and staring at Virgil as if the kitten had burst into song or something as equally baffling. After a second, Remy shook their head and stood up, shushing loudly.

"Shhh, no, shhh! You're gonna wake Virgil up! That little goth is deprived of sleep as it, we can't be waking spook up."

Aw. Well, that was almost cute.

"Plus, spooks such a stress head, I know if spook wakes up I'll just get chewed out for calling in sick today."

So that's why Remy was still here? Virgil hadn't forgotten their shifts. Little shit. Spook yowled in the utmost distaste, and Remy just narrowed his eyes, hands on hips.

"Don't give me that look, you crusty little feline. You gotta take a day off every once in a while, keep your boss on their toes."

Crusty? How could anyone be so cruel to a little kitten? Virgil hissed in offense, swiping tiny claws towards spooks roommate.

Remy seemed to interpret the dangerous display as an urge to be picked up, as Virgil was once again in spooks roommate's arms - thankfully the hold was no longer on Virgil's scruff and instead cradled in Remy's arms, the gentle kiss to spooks head was vastly different to Remy's usual casual affection.

"C'mon, hissy-boy, let's grab you something to eat. I'll just give ya, yup, there it is. Eat this, babes, hear cats go nuts over this stuff."

Four paws landed on a cheap laminate floor, as Remy placed both the cat and a take-away container of dry chicken down. Huh. At least it was human food? Yeah, it was certainly more appealing than the strange oat food that Virgil was fed the last time a person found spook in kitten form.

"Alright, babes! I think we just became besties, huh? Are you my best friend? I'm gonna tell Virgil I've ditched spook for you. I'm sure I'll be forgiven."

Well, at least that much was true. If Remy had brought home another cat Virgil would have been more than happy to house the little thing, but that wasn't the point! There was no way Virgil would tell Remy about this predicament either, they'd never let spook live it down. Virgil bumps spooks head against Remy's leg gently, to signal spook was finished eating.

"Aw. I guess I'll let you mooch around. Gotta get out of these day clothes," Remy tugged on their pajamas "and into something stylish. B-R-B, kitty cat."

This gave Virgil some time on spooks own, mooching around the apartment - spook never normally left spooks room during these nightly spells, but Virgil didn't realize how different everything would look from down here. Even the chipped coffee table looked like some sort of landmark.

The shower kicked in a few moments later, while Virgil was trying to scale the couch, and spook was quietly happy that spook wasn't sleeping - Remy didn't have a great gauge of how much noise they were making, and had woken Virgil up on multiple occasions.

The time alone have Virgil time to ponder spooks predicament for the millionth time. As inconvenient as this curse is, Janus really could've hit spook with something a lot more deadly - Virgil is thankful for that, at least, but really how long can the bitter mage keep this going? There is a time limit, surely. Virgil can't spend spooks entire life turning into a kitten every night like some mockery of Princess Fiona. Maybe, just maybe, Virgil should speak to Janus again. Not to forgive him. To stop this. Yeah, that was it.

It's Janus that should be asking for Virgil's forgiveness, anyway. It's totally immoral to curse your former best friend and roommate. Probably. In fact, the mage was so far up his own ass with all that philosophy crap, he'd probably go on a long monologue on how perfectly moral this whole situation is while also dressing down the idea of morality or… Something. Virgil kind of tuned out of those debates.

Yeah, no, contacting Janus would be spooks last choice. Virgil was not interested in trying to appeal to their ego again, especially not with Remus around, being a little shit and stoking the flame.

Virgil huffed and tried to find a position that was comfortable to curl up on. Being much smaller only seemed to magnify the lumps and bumps in the old piece of furniture, the stuffing underneath the fake leather was compressed into a texture resembling porridge, and still smelt like the sidewalk spook and Remy dragged it from. Vampires had advanced senses of smell, so could Remy smell this shit all the time? Are they used to it? It was so gross. No wonder Virgil burst out in pimples whenever spook crashed on the couch.

A curt knock rapped on the apartment door. Virgil froze on the couch and tilted spooks head. They weren't expecting anyone, unless Remy decided to pull a 'roommate mega dick move' and invite friends over, in the middle of the night, without telling Virgil.

The mystery person knocked again, but the shower kept running and there were no other indications that Remy heard the door. Virgil tediously jumped down, trying to utilize the powers of this strange body spook was inhabiting to listen in on clues of who this may be-

"Hey, Microsoft-nerd, we aren't knocking on doors! Waking up the neighbours is not the way to get help in feline forage!"

The voice was unfamiliar to Virgil, as was the answering voice, much closer to the door.

"I am aware of the standard procedure, Roman. However, on this occasion, I can sense a fellow vampire is inside and thus there is a high chance they'll answer the door. Though that does not seem to be the case right now…"

"Shoot, can't you use your magic vampire brain to communicate?"

"No, Roman, that only works with fellow coven members. And even then it takes an especially large bond to send comments or instructions. It's mostly feelings of visions of something - like sending the sense of danger out to alert the whole coven to a hostility."

"Ugh,whatever - just post the flyer. Patton is awaiting our return. He's cooking Madras! With venison."

"Roman we have several more apartments to visit -"

Virgil jumped back with a slight squeak, as a menacing object floated from the letter box to where spook was just standing. Once it had landed, Virgil could properly inspect it. It seemed to be a lost poster, with the words MISSING KITTEN in a bold, red font. A stock image of a black kitten graced the front, watermark pasted all over, with an arrow labeling it 'KITTEN LOOKS LIKE THIS' as well as a few paragraphs of text all around, explaining that this kitten had somehow got out of the apartment, that they were a rescue and not at an adoptable age, that they'll seek out warm small areas to keep warm and safe, and very kindly asking residents to keep an eye out. There was a whole $800 listed as reward money.

Virgil's first thought was pity, some poor person had lost a cat they'd tried to rescue, and was clearly trying their best to find the lil thing. Hell, Virgil should probably help look for it tomorrow, eight hundred could really help spook and Remy out this month.

Virgil's second thought, after briefly skimming contact information, was 'oh shit'. 'Please Contact Patton,' was at the bottom, with a telephone number, and beneath that was the apartment number. The apartment that Virgil had crawled out of when snatched by a werewolf.

Patton, that was the werewolf's name. Spook remembers the uncomfortable elevator ride where Patton introduced faemself, there's absolutely no mistaking it, Patton wasn't exactly a super common name. The two at the door were talking about a Patton as well, weren't they? One was a vampire, which didn't make sense, but was the other part of Patton's pack?

This was a lot of trouble to go through for one scrappy kitten, if Remy's theory was true.

Would Patton eat a kitten?

It's not like Virgil knows the were properly, but spook did spend a night with Patton, a night where Patton thought fae was interacting with a real kitten and therefore had no reason to be fake nice to spook. Shit, had Virgil just judged this were on event that even spook didn't think happened?

"Ooh, what'cha got, gurl? You gonna bring me my mail like a lil puppy?" A voice coos, Virgil snapping out of spooks character development to look up at an amused Remy who was perched on the arm of the stinky ass couch.

The vamp was dressed down in lounge wear, though it was glaringly obviously the 'Falling In Reverse' band shirt was Virgil's and not Remy's. Virgil stared distastefully at spooks roommate, grumpy sounds leaving the kittens tiny body. Remy glowered right back, pointing at the creature.

"Oh, you must be Virgil's pet. No one else can embody that much grumpy emo vibes. Spook has a billion tees, I'm just wearing it this once."

That was such a Remy response. Unable to roll spooks eyes at the vampire, Virgil opted to turn back around and paw the flyer once more. Over here, idiot, come read this.

Remy, for once, didn't use his vampire powers to teleport across the room, and instead took a rather leisurely stroll across the room, crouching down to read.

"Hmmm, missing cat… Is that you? Did Virgie steal someone's pet, huh?" They lifted the page closer, inspecting it with pursed lips. Remy's eyes were a very pleasing shade of red behind those shades, it was quite nice to see. Virgil moved closer, seating spookself on Remy's socked foot, and as planned, receiving a pleasant head scratch.

"Wait. Hold the fucking phone, I know that apartment, that's fucking Wolfie's apartment. Holy crap, what a psycho, he's actually putting out lost posters? Did you manage to escape his dinner plate or something?"

Remy scooped the kitten up, holding Virgil close with a protective grumble. Like a feral wolf was going to burst through the door and gobble spook up. Virgil made sure to warble out a disgruntled noise at the vampire.

"Hold your horses, puss-puss, it says here you went missing last Wednesday and that's when Virgil crawled through my window like a creep," Remy held the little body up to eye level, staring so intensely, and for a second was sure Remy was a gorgon with how still spook got. Did they figure it out? How?

"That must've been what spook was doing, rescuing you! Honestly, I didn't think Virge had enough courage to break into a were's house to steal something. Spook can't even say spooks order at the drive thru, so I'm thoroughly impressed."

Well that was both rude and awfully convenient, as much as Virgil trusted spooks roommate on matters of life and death… Honestly, Remy likely wouldn't let Virgil live it down if they found out that spook turned into a tiny kitten each night. Virgil would rather not deal with the embarrassment.

"Come on, you. I wanna watch Grey's Anatomy and I'm not letting you wander round the apartment. You'd probably piss on something."

That was rude. Virgil had excellent control of spooks bladder, thank you very much. Still, this was at least a way to watch the soap without pretending it was cringey, spook supposed. Remy draped across the god awful sofa, falling into a position Virgil had seen spooks roommate in many times, and settled the tiny body of Virgil on his chest. Since Remy didn't have body heat, it was rather like laying on a tiled floor - or having the pillow be permanently cold. Virgil decided spook liked it that way, and a gentle purr started up.

Remy's expression, still trained on the television as they searched for the show, turned down right gooey.

"You cute little thing. You're gonna love watching this, look, Meredith has just gone seeing her dad and Thatcher is there. Not British Thatcher, this one's a dude. Was in Prison Break as well, we can watch that one later."

Maybe this is why Latte ran away. Contrary to what Remy believes, most cats aren't down to sit still and watch endless sitcoms.

As the hours ticked on, Virgil tried many times to sneak away. It seemed Remy was adamant to stay on the couch all night and to keep spook right next to them. Rigorous squirming landed Virgil to be sat in a shoebox full of newspaper - something spook hadn't noticed Remy making before all this - then listening to the vampire repeat a 'potty' command repeatedly. Embarrassingly, Virgil had used it, but only once. Spooks dumbass roommate hadn't given Virgil a single drop of water.

Still pressed against Remy's cold chest, Virgil could barely make out the busted kitchen clock as it struggled its way towards half nine. Shit. Shit, Virgil was screwed.

Hissing and yowling had not worked all night, though Virgil was currently weighing the pros and cons to scratching Remy's eyes out. The vampire in question sighed at spooks dramatics, scooping the kitten up and plonking it back into the DIY litter tray. This time, Remy stood up, stretching long limbs and teasing their curls into an effortless, glamorous bedhead. Red eyes stared into green for a moment before Remy let out a loud yawn.

"You stay there, puss. I need a leak, then I'm gonna cook Virge some breakfast. Try and sweeten spook up before I ask for a feeding, heh."

Aw, that was almost sweet. In a way. Virgil was gonna enjoy that breakfast, if spook could just escape this darn box while Remy was out of the room. Huzzah! Freedom.

The box tilted over, freeing the black kitten, as spook made a mad dash for spooks bedroom, luckily it always had a jar open.

At that moment, the magic began to tingle, signaling to Virgil that time was up, but spook was nearly to the bedroom. Unfortunately, a loud 'hey!' distracted spook, turning to look at the vampire that seemed rather peeved about the cat escaping. A stagger on an uneven rug had Virgil tripping up, unfortunately the transformation completed itself at that moment, meaning Virgil's human body grew itself big enough to smack full force into the door, leaving the emo flat on the floor with a light groan.

The door was pushed with quite some force, hitting the doorstop and coming back to bap Virgil a second time. Brilliant.

Virgil sighed into the cheap olefin carpet, hearing hesitant feet shuffle around to get a better look. Spook bent spooks neck awkwardly, looking at Remy with squinting eyes. The vampire looked completely befuddled, before lips began to curve upwards into a big smile. A big, overly smug smile.

"Oh, babes. You've got some tea to spill!"

[moirastuff]

Yo! Could i request Sidon and/or (you choose!) Link with a gen z human reader who ended up in their world for some reason? The reader is literally the embodiment of chaos and does stupid shit 24/7, quotes memes and vines and stuff.

I just wanna see them confused why this generation wants to ⚰️🤪 so bad GAJAGAKAGAJAH.

Yoo I'm alive :D I really don't have an excuse, only writer's block ig

Also, I learned how to put the read more thingy, why nobody told me about that?????

Oh yeah the hcs,

Both is good

Sidon and Link dealing with a Gen Z

Sidon

He just kinda saw you walking around the Zora region and took you in, kinda surprised on how you even survived

This actual himbo of a Zora doesn't understand a single thing you're saying

He's such a gentleman, but your way of talking just immediately confuses him

But sometimes you just,“Where... Am I again?”

“the Zora region” and you looked even more confused, something that took Sidon off guard, like, alright it's fine that the Zora region right now sucks but it's not unknown, the hole city shines in the night

How can you even ignore the BIG ANTHROPOMORPHIC SHARK JUST WALKING AROUND LIKE IT'S A NORMAL DAY??????

He was so confused on how you looked so puzzled over this

You just had to tell him, because if you didn't, he'll just think you're crazy

Of course, you told him that you're just from another dimension, the guy already has some kind of depression, we don't need him to have an existential crisis, at least one that'll just shut him down

He takes his sweet time to process and will help you to go back home

Of course, this won't be easy, you have to stay in the domain

And everyone thinks that you're a Hylian, and you know what? I think that's better for now

If you even try to talk to the elderly Zora, you will get insulted

Of course, you ain't scared of some crusty ass fish

You'll have a full discussion with anyone that'll try to insult you and won't hesitate to throw hands

Oh but "go and buy fish from the store to eat.... Yeah not happening, instant freeze, no way you're doing it

Look at the good side, you're good friends with some of the younger Zora

You actually manage to become friends with Sidon, he likes your energy... Still confused about what are you talking about, but he tries

Of course, he's the prince, he grow up in a environment that requires him to be really polite, he learned manners, everything he has to know about any other Kingdom and everything about rich people blah blah

But you are a barely middle class and to be honest, for the Zora, you might as well be poor asf gremlin child that has let loose with no supervision

Of course, he's more than nervous every single time you talk with King Dorephan, he's sweating i don't think the Zora can sweat, but you get it

You might fuck up, but you know, he might brush it off as “just young people stuff”

I swear, you get injured so easily that he wishes that he had healing powers just like his big sister

Even for dumb stuff and without you realizing it!

You will be fucking bleeding and Sidon will be like “WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!?!!!”

“nothin' don't worry about it, i had worst”

“WHAT”

You seem to be attracted to absurd stuff... Or that's how he calls it

It's been time he has tried to show you some Zora stuff, your either mumble “fucking rich people....” or say “sheeesh this is worth a department on New York or almost a house”

“Your houses are quite big isn't? You could buy some with this I believe”

“Some of them are, but other that are smaller? They're just fucking expensive”

“..... How do you even live?”

“I have no fucking clue”

The rain still continues, Link is taking his sweet fucking time...

"OKAY I SWEAR TO GOD IF THIS RAIN DOESN'T STOP I WILL GO TO VAH RUTA AND STOP IT MYSELF”

“Please don't, you don't even know how to hold a bow properly”

“WATCH ME”

“What are you doing?”

You go outside and look straight to the sky

“STRIKE ME DOWN ZEUS YOU DON'T HAVE THE BALLS!” and almost immediately a lighting strikes somewhere close to you

So close in fact your soul almost leaves your body, Sidon sees all of this and thinks you're in fact, cursed

“..... See? You don't have the-”

“Alright it's enough, whatever you made angry you have to stop”

This himbo is now you're babysitter, no, you cannot change my mind

Also, you, of course, don't like Muzu and he doesn't like you

And every time, every time, you'll get in a heated argument on each other's perspectives, he'll call you brat with no manner's and you'll say to him any kind of insult you can think on the moment

“You're a merely a bratty child that their parents have no care to teach you even the simplest of things, or perhaps you were just unable to understand them”

“You- FUCKING GROSS AND DISGUSTING FISH I HAVE EATEN SUSHI AND I AIN'T SCARED OF DOING IT AGAIN”

Even if they turned out so random that everyone doesn't even know if you two are fighting, only can guess because of the screaming

Sidon had to break out the argument and take you somewhere else, not before he reprimanded Muzu for his attitude with a guest

No, you're not getting away, he also semi lectures you, he can't help but to laugh every time he has to repeat your insults

The moment Link arrives to the Zora domain, Sidon is ecstatic, Link is very confused on what the fuck is happening, but you know, happy to help. Sidon tries to explain to the best of his capacity to Link your situation, after what felt hours of Sidon trying to say the right word, Link seemed so unamused and that just confused Sidon even more.... You know what? You're now under Link's care..... “What”

Link

After that, you try your best to get to know Link, what he likes and dislikes, what is he interested in, etc

Making friends is not your forte but you quite get along with Link

Normally, Link before the calamity is a quiet, put-together young guy, preferring to not show any emotions whatsoever

But after the calamity and the whole memory loss??

He's a chaotic mother fucker

Well, mostly he is quite put together when he talks to people, but when adventuring

You can see him killing time like killing a lot of octorok, getting the balloons and just sending something flying

Or infiltrate bokoblin's camps using nothing but a mask

Or just cooking amounts of food that you could serve in pre-calamity castle town and everyone could have a plate and they'll be some food left

Basically, he gets weird everytime he's bored

After you leave the Zora region, he asked you if you could fight

“I only know how to grab properly a sword"

“great, let's start from there”

He tries to train you

Good news, you can hold your own against some bokoblins

Bad news, you still suck, because your limit is like three normal bokoblins and Link helped with one

You most definitely weren't born to be doing this much exercise, and you absolutely haven't done this much in your whole life

It's that or you know everything about how to use a sword, a bow, everything because... You can get so invested with stuff

Good for you, but I'm projecting so f*ck you/j (not the projecting part tho, I swear I can be athletic... I just need a little bit)

Actually, there was once this time that you Link was trying to figure out where to go, you saw some bokoblins and decided that, somehow, it was a good idea to go and attack them

“Why did you do that?! You could have died!”

“That's the point!”

....

“/j?”

“WHAT EVEN IS /J?!?!!”

After that uncomfortable situation, you proceeded to explain what it meant and all of the tags

He was, to say the least, very confused and it took him a whole day to understand

There was this one time when you went to Kakariko, Link was trying to talk some matters with Impa

But your little gremlin brain decided that it was a great idea to grab a cucco and just do a parade with them

The cucco was not happy, at all

And when Link found out he was.... How do I explain this?

Confused, amused and a lot of stuff more but he was not surprised

He really doesn't know what to do with you, but he does find it kinda fun

[manicpixxiedreambitch]

Qualities that make a guy attractive, a mini list/essay/guide written by a bisexual girl who has had enough.

I am sick and tired of straight dudes doing the bare minimum and then getting confused/upset when no girl wants to date him or stay with him. Like literally talk to any woman and ask her what she looks for in a guy. There are so many easy things a guy can do to make himself more attractive to girls.

So, without further ado, I give you a list of things a “dream guy” does that you can try doing to impress women before complaining about how you have no rizz.

Keep a good appearance. That’s like…almost the bare minimum. You don’t HAVE to be Christian Bale to be attractive. Hell, a lot of the celebrity guys girls find attractive are average looking guys (like David Tennant, Tom Holland, etc) who just take care of themselves. They shave, they wear clothes that look nice on them, they make sure to have a good haircut, they brush their teeth, they shower often and keep good hygiene and use a face wash that isn’t literal dish soap. And being broke is no excuse for this one. There a girls out here keeping good hygiene and looking great using things from Dollar Tree and thrift stores.

Get hobbies that aren’t just video games. I’m not here shitting on guys who play video games at all, but if video games are your ONLY hobby, please for the love of humanity branch out. You don’t even have to be into sports. It’s 2024. Poetic guys, guys who can sew, artsy guys, authors, nature lovers, animal lovers, photographers, history buffs, hell, even guys who simply have a social life and know their way around are attractive. You can’t just sit on your crusty ass all the time and ignore your girlfriend while playing video games. That’s the bare minimum. At least invite her to play with you. If she sucks at video games, help her out and give her encouragement. Include her, damnit!

Consider her feelings and emotions and listens to her. Again, bare minimum. If she explains to you she doesn’t like something or she expresses that something that is going on is giving her negative emotions, FUCKING LISTEN TO HER. Don’t brush it off!!!! Don’t say she’s just “on her period”. It makes her feel like shit when you dont make sure she’s happy.

Respect her boundaries. Literally, you’re not five, no means no, if she tells you she is uncomfortable with something don’t do it.

Do nice things for her. Surprise her, take her out on dates, cuddle with her and try to be thoughtful. Once again, bare minimum. If you see a piece of jewelry you think she’d like and you can afford it, get it. Learn her favorite song and sing it to her. Save up some money on the side and surprise her with a night out. Learn to cook and make a nice meal for the two of you with some romantic ambience like candles and music. This is not expensive either. Candles at dollar tree are cheap. Get a Spotify account and make a romantic playlist, or go get a CD or record and put it on. Dance with her. Get her some flowers (or grow them yourself!). Write her a love letter. Take her for a bike ride. Surprise her with tickets to see that movie that she expressed interest in last week. Annotate a book or a poem just for her, and circle words and letters to make a cute little note for her. Go stargazing. Put together a picnic. Say nice things to her and be romantic. Don’t be scared to be a “simp”. If a girl rejects you for “being a simp” trust me, there is another girl out there that would appreciate it and be just as amazing to you. Love her openly.

Show interest in her interests. Don’t shut her down when she is talking about something she is passionate about. If she is obsessed with a book or a show, offer to watch it with her or ask if you can read it. Ask questions. Research what she is interested in. Take part in her hobbies. Don’t call her childish or obnoxious or obsessive. Have conversations over her interests with her. Now of course, you are not expected to make everything about her. But try to show interest in more than just her beauty.

Make her feel included in your life, and include yourself in hers. Keep a few pictures of her. Send her funny photos that remind you of her. Keep a spare toothbrush for her in your bathroom with a spare towel. Add some of her favorite songs to your playlists. Keep some of her favorite snacks around. Keep one of her claw clips on your desk. Give her a couple of your hoodies. Keep a hair tie on your wrist in case she needs it. Keep some pads/tampons in your bathroom. Give her a stuffed animal or a blanket of yours. Introduce her to your friends and family and make sure she feels included with them. Get along with her friends and family.

Respect women. And no, I don’t mean “respect women to get laid” or “act like you respect women to make them like you” or be one of those “nice guys”. That’s not respecting women. Educate yourself on womens history. Go on YouTube and watch feminist video essays. Learn about how fucked up the patriarchy is. Help your mother around the house. Be nice to your sister. Learn about menstruation and how it works. Ask for consent before doing anything intimate. And don’t get pissy when she says no. To respect consent you have to respect rejection. Check in on her consistently to make sure she is still okay with and enjoying whatever you are doing. Call your friends on it when they are being misogynistic. In fact, respect people in general. Don’t be fucking racist, don’t be fucking homophobic, don’t be fucking transphobic, don’t be fucking ableist. Overall, don’t be a dickhead.

Be present in her life. Call her just to say good morning. Face time to say good night. Text her randomly throughout the day to tell her you love her. If she is in any extracurriculars, go to her events and support her. Cheer for her when she is being amazing. Comfort her when she is sad. Listen to her vent about her shitty day. Compliment her.

Clean up for her. If you know she’s coming over and your room/house is a mess, clean up. Start the laundry, make your bed, put things away, vacuum, tidy up.

Don’t try to control her. Don’t tell her what she can and can’t wear. Don’t tell her what pictures she’s allowed to post. Don’t tell her who to hang out with. Its fucked up.

Don’t be too clingy. Despite everything stated above, everyone needs some alone time. Give her space when she needs it.

Try to be financially stable. You don’t have to be a billionaire. But learn to balance your funds and create budgets.

Check yourself. If you can afford it, try therapy or counseling. Make sure you are okay. Try to recognize any toxic behaviors you might have and see what you can do to change them. Same goes for her. If she is being toxic, talk to her about it. If she is going through something, talk about it. Communicate.

Say nice and romantic things to her. And not just over text. Be brave. Say it to her face.

Don’t lie to her. Unless it is for a surprise, tell her the truth. If you want to go hang out with a friend, tell her you and your friend are hanging out. Don’t make up a lie. Just be honest.

Just by doing these things alone not only can you improve your chances of getting a girlfriend and keeping a good relationship, but also you can significantly improve your own life.

[gallus-rising]

I posted 9,401 times in 2022

That's 4,185 more posts than 2021!

518 posts created (6%)

8,883 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@/ prussian-lullaby

@/ s-nnoh

@/ blazing-spectre

@/ acreaturecalledgreed

@/ roach-works

I tagged 5,838 of my posts in 2022

Only 38% of my posts had no tags

#mp100 - 878 posts

#*furious pecking* - 730 posts

#jjba - 554 posts

#one piece - 457 posts

#flight rising - 265 posts

#yard birds - 247 posts

#riverside - 201 posts

#do you know the muppet man - 196 posts

#fma - 182 posts

#oc talk - 164 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I sent 1 gift in 2022

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

listen to me

(ignore how crusty this looks)

127 notes - Posted November 16, 2022

#4

what if arceus shits Ingo back out into Unova and no one (including himself) cares i think that’d be funny actually like get back on the combat train Train Man it’s time to do train fights you’ve got a backlog Train Man so get on that Don’t Forget You’re Here Forever Train Man

129 notes - Posted February 11, 2022

#3

underrated thing in mp100 fanfic: fics where Reigen’s been possessed by a spirit that’s trying to impersonate him and the final straw dead giveaway is when he calls Mob by his actual name

221 notes - Posted August 6, 2022

#2

flip on the typical “Eddie thinks Venom doesn’t know what sex is” no. Venom thinks Eddie doesn’t know what sex is. like, sure, it’s how humans reproduce but they’re clearly not having any fun with it. after all, the primary human courtship method seems to consist of multiple public interviews over the course of several days (weeks? months?? years????) as opposed to something fun like ritual combat, or very loud vocal displays, or perhaps even doing a sexy little dance

for fucks sake, humans aren’t even bioluminescent

523 notes - Posted January 27, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

ONE gives us a comic of Reigen about to shit himself in public and the next day new Halloween art has dog boy Reigen on a leash just so we remember that the staff of Bones desire him carnally god bless

1,357 notes - Posted October 7, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[ask-thedepressedkidatthetable]

There was an obvious duality here: a razor held loosely between his fingers as he watched the blood from his arms and legs soak into the towel beneath him . . . wearing a face mask. Had just bought a whole load of that stuff, manufactured insecurities they sold back to you, begging that this time would be different. He was just tired of staring at a whole lot of red and puss in the mirror. Craters carving themselves into his skin because he couldn't help picking at it. Of course none of it mattered. You were beautiful on the inside- Alex added a couple cuts to his arms. Funny how everyone who ever said that had already sold themselves to the television. So, yeah. He knew it was stupid and shitty, but that didn't make it any easier when there was that voice in the mirror everyday, screaming that he was doing everything wrong, and that maybe- just maybe if he drank the poison vial of ever fading beauty, things would fall into place. Same voice that told him to grow out his hair, trust no one who you'd have to give a chance to understand, and just to up and kill himself. Despite its faults, it was a very persuasive voice and Alex found the idea the most promising out of all the others he'd had about his future.

Tired. He didn't know. The longer he sat here with this stupid, expensive thing on his face the more he really thought it was all a lie and that- that he was a fucking bloody, disgusting animal and that was what humanity was! Alex moved to lay down on the floor after adding on a few more cuts. It was soaking through in places, getting on the tile. He'd have to clean that up before going to bed. Leave no evidence behind. That's what he told himself, but really, it all seemed strikingly obvious, if you just looked past the surface.

What the fuck did he think this was going to do? It wasn't going to get him any friends. People were still going to talk as soon as he turned his back, treat him like a doormat. He tried to be nice. He tried so fucking hard to be a good person and always got thrown back in his face!

Alex gave a small whine as the latest series of cuts sent up a particularly violent jolt, arms moving to cover his face. And that was that, right? How stupid would it be if he died right here? Alex peeled the mask off his face, tossing it in the garbage before laying down again. He mused moving to the tub. Should have done that in the first place. It just hadn't occurred to him.

Next time. Next time.

Covered in his own blood. A section of his hair was getting crusty.

His face felt vaguely wet and . . . two steps away from a kind of sticky. It smelled very chemical if you ignored the obvious smell of blood. The toilet burbled, something in the tank wanting to talk as it always did. Simple machines doing simple machine things. Alex stared at the ceiling through half-lidded eyes. What if he really did it? Just, right here, right now? How long until anyone found him? A day or two? Few hours could have been reasonable. Cold, grey and bloating. There was still a lot to do though, wasn't there? Maybe the bathtub was a better idea- he didn't want his mom or dad having to get down on their hands and knees to scrub the blood off the tile like he did. Or do all the laundry.

He had the opportunity to pick when he died, and while everyone had that choice few seemed to really take that into account. He wanted it all to be as seamless as possible. Easy to get rid of the last of his possessions, easy to clean up . . . easy to forget he ever existed. It shouldn't be hard right? Never was much good.

He used to be. Used to have tons of potential.

Not anymore. He didn't know what was in his future, if such a thing really existed. The concept of making it to next year was . . . hazy at best. He preferred not to think about it really.

It had been humiliating going to the store and buying all that crap. The smile the old lady gave him at the checkout counter made him want to crawl out of his skin. If he had been any braver, he would have ran way from the store right then, left her to void the transaction and never go in there again.

Alex nearly dozed, imagining a life where he had done just that. It was just the beginning of course. Afterward he could have met someone, ran out of this town for good, or perhaps he would have gone out on his own. Stolen a car somewhere. It almost seemed safer. Driving until he reached the darkest, most desolate road to pull to the side, and watch the stars. He would have been alone and untouchable. He could have felt safe in a moment like that if it weren't for all the stress he was already imagining if he had done something like that.

. . . Maybe he'd use up the rest of the products. It seemed a shame to waste them.

He didn't know.

Like he said, it wasn't going to get him anything meaningful.

[dragonblobz]

The Desert Pt 4

Slight angst. Much fluff. I love Sunstreaker. That is all.

“I like it. I like the human a lot. The bearings on that thing……”

Sunstreaker ignores his brother for as long as possible.

“Prime isn’t gonna be very happy with us…”

Sunstreaker’s axles grind. His frame shuddering for a moment. Sideswipe chatters on, completely oblivious.

“Can we keep it? I mean, how can it give us away if it’s WITH us, right? We should TOTALLY keep it!”

“It’s not a fragging pet.” Sunstreaker snaps this retort. And then follows it with logic.

“We should have left it.”

Sideswipe is just as vitriolic with his response. His cheerful cocky demeanor nowhere to be seen suddenly.

“I'm not a decepticon. And I’m NOT a coward. I won’t run. Ever.”

Sustreaker feels the first inklings of true anger.

“Are you implying that I’m a coward?”

Sideswipe doesn’t answer, but the defiance is still there. He changes the subject instead.

“Well. What are we going to do with it?”

“It can’t be allowed to go off and talk about us.”

A silence hangs between them, broken only by the purring of engines. The whirring of tires. First contemplation, then understanding, and then Sideswipe practically snarling at him.

“We. Are not. Decepticons.”

“You can roll ahead if you want. I can meet up with you after.”

“I’m not going to honor that with a response.”

Memories flashing in his processors. How the little beast had tried to defend, even in futility, his brother. Against all odds. So brave and so without fear. Just to help his twin.

And another memory. It’s frightened little bloody face…. Little fleshy servos spreading and pleading for mercy…..

This just makes him even angrier. Words are easy. And he’ll do whatever he has to do to keep them safe. But he knows, that his brother knows just as well as he does, that he can’t actually harm this human.

Sideswipe has fallen silent. And continues to remain so. Right up until the human starts moving inside him.

…………………….

I’m drowsy. Lips feeling so dry and cracked and caked with something. Crusty. I’m SO thirsty.

My eyes peel open, and for just a brief moment, my discomfort is forgotten.

Dawn in the desert. The blues and violets of the sky kissing at the landscape before the warmer hues bleed in. The landscape is timeless and ancient and oh so beautiful. Just as beautiful as the dreams I’d just had, but can’t remember.

I stretch, lazy. Hands brushing at the soft padded top of this Lamborghini.

Lamborghini…..

I smile, face all crusted with old blood and puffy eyed and sleepy.

“Gmornin….”

There’s no response. I don’t mind in the slightest. Sit upright. Marvel at the shimmering mirage on the blacktop ahead. It’s like the highway is giving birth to a new desert day.

My tongue feels like leather in my mouth. I rummage around in my shoulder bag till I find my Fiji, then gulp water down. It’s not cold anymore. I don’t care.

Afterwards I stuff my free hand in my pack. Searching around. I feel loose pills. Metformin bottle must’ve come open.

“Crap…” I grumble as I fish two of those pills out and eat em with another swig of water. Then cap the bottle. Not much left.

I’m just comfortable. Sort of? My face hurts. I reach up and carefully prod at myself with my fingertips.

I can feel how much dried blood is on my face. Rake at it with my nails.

My nose FEELS okay. No crookedness. No pain at poking other than a bruised discomfort.

Suddenly….. I hear a car horn blaring violently. Jerk towards the sound.

The red Lamborghini, Sideswipe, is side by side with us. Just blaring his horn madly.

“Is everything okay??” I twist around in this harness, peering out these tinted windows. Looking for another jet monster.

“Ugh. Everything is fine. He just wants to tell you good morning.”

I grin at this. Then laugh. Then wave at the other car like a fool.

“Good morning, Sideswipe!”

The red Lambo screams with horsepower as he accelerates, pulling ahead of us. And then……

It’s like I’m watching an action movie. Just watching this sports car swerve it’s ass end around. Till it’s literally. In the same lane as us. Facing us. Driving backwards. Still blaring it’s horn.

“Show off!” I laugh delightedly and clap my hands.

Sunstreaker’s voice sounds SO grumpy.

“He’s just NOT gonna stop until I relent.”

Suddenly….. it’s Sideswipe’s voice I’m hearing from this car.

“Hey there, little buddy!”

I’m grinning.

“Hi! Good morning!”

I lift a hand and do a wiggle finger wave at him thru the windshield. It feels like he literally just wanted to TELL me good morning.

“Did you fail at marksmanship? Because I KNOW you missed me.”

I feel myself blushing under the dried blood. Right before I’m literally grinning so hard its making my nose hurt. Did I just get a pick up line from a ghost car robot?

“Ohmygod…..”

I begin giggling harder. Nearly having to bite my tongue to prevent myself from retorting….. and failing.

“Oh I hit it every time, I assure you.”

“OoooooHOOOOOOooooo…”

His raucous catcall is cut off.

“There. You’ve said good morning. That’s quite enough.”

Oh man Sunstreaker sounds SO crabby. And I don’t hear Sideswipe anymore.

I watch the red Lamborghini repeat it’s previous performance, only in reverse. Whips it’s body back around. Two more aggressive toots of it’s horn as it passes the driver’s window, letting us pass, and falling back in line behind us.

I just got flirted with by a ghost car robot guy.

I’m just blushing and hiss giggling. Hands traveling up to cup my own warm cheeks. Feeling the dried blood.

Geez, I bet I look gross. And then I remember…..

I look up. At the dash. And I see it. Lots of dried blood there. From when my face had smacked into it last night. And all that cheerfulness disappears.

“Im sorry…..”

I don’t expect the car to answer, but he does.

“Why?”

I reach forward, brushing my fingertips on that old blood on this dash.

“You’d told me not to make a mess but…..” I curl my pointer finger, scratching at that dried blood.

No response. I feel awkward for a moment. Remembering how this car had barked at me not to touch him before. And here I am, poking him.

He doesn’t say anything. Just the sounds of that purring engine. I open my hand and just pat the dash, apologetic, and then pull my hand away.

Back into my pack. Searching for that one essential item I never leave home without. Flicking pills around with my fingers. Scraping something soft. Socks. And then….

“A ha!”

I hold the package of baby wipes up like it’s a trophy and I’ve won a tournament.

I open it and pull a wipe out. Reach forward. Hesitate.

Nothing. Just that same purring engine. I reach a little farther.

Still nothing.

I stay frozen for a few moments. Gathering the nerve. Then finally start wiping my blood off the dash. It’s dry. I’m having to really scrub.

That does it apparently.

“What are you doing…..” Mr Car sounds irritated, but more so confused.

“Cleaning up my mess.” I’m saying it in an asshole cheerful tone, and I’m grinning. “You’re welcome.”

“You should clean yourself up first.”

This particular tone makes me pause. There’s no irritation at all. It almost doesn’t sound like my new friend. He sounds….. he almost sounds….. repentant?

“It’s…. It’s okay…. I’ll get to it next, I promise.”  My own voice sounds almost timid.

The car accelerates. I can FEEL our speed increasing. And his voice is, once again, that grumpy growl.

“Don’t trouble yourself on my account. Now clean your face. You look ridiculous.”

I blanch. Look out the window again for a time. Just watching everything go from ethereal desert dawn to….. well….. crispy hot ass desert.

Trying to convince myself to just do as I’m told. Feeling so badly. Why does he have to be so….. mean?

I huff, shoulders setting.

No…. Oh hell no….. I’m not just bowing to what I’m told anymore. Not ever again.

I clench my jaw. And wordlessly start scrubbing his dash again.

“I told you…. Clean…. Your filthy face…..” pure venom.

I wrinkle my nose, the action stinging.

“And I told YOU that I WOULD. When I’m DONE cleaning up my MESS.” Now I’M growling. Stubborn.

I expect him to just go silent. I pull a fresh wipe out. The old one is all gunky. And I scrub again.

The entire car around me jerks as his tires squeal and scream. Breaking to a rapid stop. Right in the middle of this lonely desert highway. This time, the harness keeps me safely pressed to the seat.

“Do. As you’re told.” This tone is a threat.

My jaw clenches.

“No.”

His engine cuts. Several moments of sheer silence. And my stubbornness crumbles away to be replaced by an uncomfortable anxiety.

The door glides open.

“Get out.” His tone is almost deadly now.

“No.” This word is tenuous. Trembling. And I’m afraid.

“I said. Get. Out.” There’s a finality in the sound of his voice that makes me start to sniffle and cry. Hating myself for it. Unable to help it.

“Don’t…. Don’t leave me here…. I’m sorry…. I’ll do as you say….”

“OUT!”

I don’t answer. Stupid baby wipe falling from my hand so that both hands can just clutch at this harness around me, white knuckle tight. A death grip.

The entire car roars around me. And… begins to warp….

I begin to hyperventilate. Panicking. Watching the parts of him around me changing shape. Harness pulling out of my hands and disappearing. My pack falling thru the cracks onto the pavement below.

I dumbly realize that he’s doing it again. Changing like he’d done last night. Metallic sounds as he transforms around me. And I cough out a terrified sob. Just close my eyes.

“Don’t…. Don’t hurt me….”

I’m just trembling as the movement and shifting stops. I feel something huge and tight around my waist. I’m pressed to warm metal. Cheek smooshed.

“Sunny…..” I recognize Sideswipe’s voice. It sounds like a warning. I still haven’t opened my eyes.

“SHUT UP!” It’s a snarl. Vibrating on my cheek and on my body.

I just quiver with my eyes squeezed closed. Body all limp otherwise. I’m damn well AFRAID.

Nothing happens for several minutes. I’m just suspended and pressed against this hard warm metal. I can hear a whirring beneath it. A pulsing sound, quiet but steady.

Finally, I open my eyes. Move my face. Where am I?

And when I realize where I am….

My ghost car robot is a robot now, not a car. The tight feeling around my waist is his huge hand. He’s holding my limp body to his chest. An errant moment where I realize that rhythmic whirring pulse must be his heart. And he’s glaring down at me with murder in those glowing blue eyes of his.

I had not been this close to him last night. I’m SO close. Can practically look up his pointed humanoid metal nose. And he looks SO angry.

“I’m sorry….” It’s a squeak. Just a pathetic little whine. And pull my hands up to press my palms on his massive metal chest. Funny, I can FEEL that whirring pulse too.

“Shut. Up.” This isn’t a roar, but it’s deadly. I whimper, but otherwise comply.

I feel him moving, but can’t look away from those eyes. I’m just as afraid as I’d been looking up at that awful metal jet monster.

My feet touch on the ground. That big metal hand leaving me. I stumble as he pulls away. Shaking so badly.

I see Sideswipe now. At some point he’d also turned back into a robot. And he’s wearing that same expression I’d seen on him before. That grim determination. None of that silly teen boy whimsy when he’d greeted me. And his arms are crossed along his big red chest.

And just seeing him….. I feel better. Just a little. Because that expression isn’t directed at me. He’s looking at my angry yellow robot. And boy, does that yellow robot look ANGRY.

He's glaring down at me. Practically smoldering with rage. He’s trembling. I can see it.

He moves now. I jerk in response. Cringing involuntarily.

He freezes. I watch his expression smooth from murder to a simple sneer.

“Tsk. Stop looking at me like that.”

“Stop looking at me like you’re gonna hurt me.” It’s a frightened chirping retort.

He doesn’t answer me. Those glowing murder blue eyes leaving me to flick down along the pavement. And he squats. I flinch at it.

He pauses. He clearly had noticed my flinch. But he doesn’t look at me. Just slowly resumes his actions.

I watch his giant hand pinch the very tips of his thumb and forefinger on that package of baby wipes that had fallen out when he’d transformed around me. And I watch that sneer morph into grumpy thoughtfulness.

He just studies that package for a few moments. And I’m still trembling. Not understanding.

His fingers twist along the plastic. I can tell he’s trying to open it….. he’s just too BIG.

That thoughtfulness curls right back into a sneer. I can tell RIGHT when he loses his patience. Crushing all of his fingertips along the package till the plastic splits and baby wipes are flopping everywhere. All over his hand. Splatting on the ground.

He reaches his other hand up. Starts plucking wipes off of his palm. His wrist. Flicking them carelessly away.

And he speaks. His voice no longer angry, but still wavering. Like he’s TRYING to sound calm.

“You’ve got filth all over your face plate. I hurt you, when I ejected you. Didn’t I already tell you I’m not going to hurt you again?”

He’s saying this as he delicately plucks the mess of wipes from his hand. Till it’s just a small wad of them pinched between his thumb and forefinger.

It’s true. He had said that. As I’d buckled myself into that harness. I allow myself to stop shaking. But I’m still staring. I’m still afraid.

He finally looks at me. And there is no more anger. Just a sullen scowl.

He approaches me now. And it’d be funny at any other time. So slow. He’s moving so slowly. Exaggeratedly slow. One hand delicately pinching that wad of wipes. The other spreading it’s fingers and showing its palm. Like he’s trying to show me that I don’t need to be afraid of him.

I stiffen, but otherwise hold still. Pupils flicking over. Looking for Sideswipe. Seeking a friend.

And what I see eases the rest of the tension in my body.

There he is. Big red robot. Arms still crossed. But there is no more grim determination. He looks physically relaxed. And there is the silliest grin on his face. Not that ego playboy grin I’d seen before. He looks PROUD. And he’s not looking at me.

I turn back to Sunstreaker. And it is HERE that I see that grim determination. An expression I’d mistaken as sullen before.

He’s not angry at all. He’s determined. I feel myself softening. Holding as still as I can as he crouches before me. So close. He’s no giant like that jet monster had been, but he’s still HUGE.

He reaches his hand forward, still that absurd slowness. And I gasp as I feel that wad of wipes brushing at my cheek.

He’s enormous and looks so grim. His touches are SO gentle. All nervousness drains away from me and I just stare up at his face as he meticulously cleans mine. Taking such care. I feel an odd warm feeling in my chest. And I begin to just grin stupidly up at him.

He doesn’t appear to notice the change in my expression. His own still so grim. Intense concentration. Like he’s taking the greatest care with those massive fingers near my face. Until that determination doesn’t look like determination at all. It looks like supreme effort and care.

His glowing eyes flick to mine, finally noticing my silly dumb smile. And there’s this odd rusty hue on his cheekbones. As that effort morphs into a definite scowl.

He finally speaks. A little growl, almost carried away in the desert wind.

“Hold still.”

“Okay….” I’m just smiling so wide. Chest so warm that the desert around me almost feels cool. As this huge robot delicately cleans the blood from my face.

[chocolate-failure]

God I fucking hate myself... As much for the things that I do as the things I don't. Today my best mfkn friend, like kismet close, celebrated their birthday. And it's wild cuz I say we're really close when we don't know massive swathes of information about each other. I feel like it's mostly me but they play shit close to the vest too.

But I went to the party and I looked really nice but I fucking hated it and myself but mostly myself. I didn't want to eat or drink too much which makes dancing with a bunch of drunk/high people not so fun. But like also idk... I always have these weird moments where I feel like this just ain it. Like being a human is so fucking bogus and I'm so bad at it anyways, why even bother. Like was this experience supposed to impart something upon me? Was I supposed to derive some kind of joy or peace from this endeavor? And The Baby was there. On top of being ignorant af she's also loud which wouldn't be a problem if she had compelling or fun things to say. She low key sucks all the fun out of a conversation with a single line. Like it's kind of the hugest most exhausting buzzkill.

God I hate being me bro and like of course, within the first hour of the party I'm hunched over the toilet retching. That's something I hate. When you go to events and can't concentrate on grounding yourself and tracking the input it's really mfkn hard to find yourself in the bathroom trying to discard said input. It's hard to explain but not really but I'm tired... I can tell how much I've eaten and how much should come up when I'm home because I'm fully calibrated to this environment, as much as I hate it, and I'm able to gauge to a pretty reliable degree how much I should be throwing up and I tend to have a fair amount of control over how fast and how much comes up.

Like especially after eating something like ice cream and popcorn, idk I just remember that combination a lot from my childhood. Hell even orange juice is an okay liquid if you drink enough but ice cream is high up there. The mucous your body produces breaking down high fat dairy products is fucking exquisite 👌 Like it makes this perfect almost frothy capsule around whatever you've eaten making even the hardest things to get up easy af if you're able to get some ice cream inside of you in time. Sunflower seeds have a similar affect because you're producing and swallowing a lot of saliva as compared to food. The seeds get suspended in the saliva and come up real easy like, you don't even need to drink anything. And it's honestly a good idea to try to drink as little as you possibly can because I'm at the phase where something I drank like 3 minutes ago will already be emptied out of my stomach. It's definitely happened a few times and is a fat worst than death. Like imagine you ate something you very much wanna uneat, so you drink some water or juice to grease the skids only when you go to purge literally nothing comes up 😤 whata goddamn nightmare.

It's been a couple days since I started writing this but I had an instance in mind I wanted to mention not so much for posterity but also a reminder to future me the lengths we, hopefully once, went through to keep this fucking shit show going. Ain nothing quite like pulling back the veil to reveal the crusty old man yanking his diseased prick to show you how far you've fallen. Ed is fucking disgusting. The human body is disgusting enough as it is without this disease ravaging it. And maybe it's not that so much as it ravages your mind and makes you grow accustomed to som derranged shit.

The first thought that comes to mind is when you don't put down enough toilet paper or miss your mark and toilet water splashes back up into your face. You don't even wipe it off, might as well wait til we're done right? The business at hand is far more important than getting rancid shit water off your face. And have you considered that perhaps you deserve it?

The other day, and by other day I mean 2 weeks ago I went to dinner with the fam for my brother's birthday. We had sushi. I ate too much. Though any amount is technically too much... So when we get home I rev up the ol tonsil tickler, the choke goat, the duke of puke. Who knew I could swallow knives. And when I'm done I go to flush the toilet and nothing fucking happens... Imagine my abject horror. Here I stood at the scene of the crime, a toilet bowl filled with sushi colored puke and not an ounce of water to dispose of the evidence. I was fucked. I thought well maybe I could convince my brother to help me without looking in the toilet. I certainly couldn't ask my mom or dad. They'd both lose their shit but my brother holds enough reverence for me to enable some of my more unusual eccentricities. No, best not to involve anyone else. But also why tf is the toilet *this* broken??? Like there was no water in the tank. I should've just done it in my room, out of the way of prying eyes. It's also sus af for me to pass 3 other bathrooms to use one of the two that's only used by us and not guests. I could just say I like it more than the others and of course I do but not for the sake of nostalgia. I honestly think my mom would be none the wiser, if she had even an inkling I was back on my bullshit she'd be on me like well me on said bullshit... I should've just used the other one. I would've been fine, but I guess that can't be helped I kick myself as I grab a fist full of my own vomit and drop it in the trashcan. I didn't even think about. Like 0 preparation... This is what had to be done. But then I noticed the bucket sitting next to the trashcan ✨eureka✨ this could work or make the situation a hundred times more difficult to hide. I hedge my bets and fill the bucket with hot water and pour it into the toilet. And just like that my problem was solved. No mess no witnesses and best of all no waves. I didn't need to ask for help and have it documented in my mom's mind that the toilet posed a problem for me. She remembers that type of shit and will check up on shit you may have done wrong.

So I take the vomit soaked tissues in the bathroom trash and put it in a grocery bag and very purposelessly throw it away in the big trash. You can get my mom with sleight of hand if you make what you're doing seem trivial enough without being attention to it.

I feel ridiculous for having to do these things but the discomfort of being overweight outweighs it tenfold. I much rather be skinny than normal. I rather pick shit pellets from my bleeding rectum like some kind of disgusting shit prospector. I rather the constant hemorrhoids, the years of irreversible dental damage, the insane thirst I'm plagued by at any given moment in the day. The inside of my mouth is itchy and tingly and I can't recall a time when it wasn't. I hate every goddamn second of this but this seems to be a reasonable price for self actualization. At least at the moment. I've no intention of stopping and I'm not sure I could if I wanted.

[raichett]

Hello I hope you are still taking Flash Fic requests and I know that you have already put two chapters into the fic but can you please write a few moments from when Scar meets Grian from Catacombs

Its ok if you don't want to I just real enjoy your work and am really intrigued to see how the two would interact especially with how good you are at creating such dramatic and detailed changes in power between characters in every one of your fics.

Well, here is Xelqua and Scar's first meeting. Hope it meets expectations, and thanks for the compliments :)

This can also be found as chapter three of Catacomb on AO3.

–

SUNRISE

First: there’s sunlight on his face. He’s warm; the gentle warmth of lying in a field in summer and feeling the breeze and the sun and the grass blades stroking his cheeks. They’re not grass blades, though, too soft, and it takes Scar a moment to parse them as feathers.

His neck aches, pain crawling up and down his spine, pounding in his skull and pressing like claws against his back. It’s distant, though, seeping in through thick water, like an awkward potion. It feels… ignorable. It hadn’t hurt, before, when the axe came down; he had been here and then gone too quickly for it to hurt.

“Sleep,” Scar hears. It’s easy to obey, for he has no want to disobey. He doesn’t sink so much as float, a downy feather fluttering on a kind wind, but sleep still claims him.

–

Second: there’s a bed underneath him. His headache and neckache and backache are all better, degraded into stiffness rather than pain. He’s warm again, but this time it’s the warmth of a room, of covers atop him and a good mattress below. The scent of burning candles fills the air, flickering orange behind his heavy eyelids.

Scar opens his eyes slowly, languid and calm. They’re crusty, a bit sticky, and his fingers come up to rub them on instinct, wiping sleep away from his face. The room is full of shadows draping like cobwebs, dancing in firelight, but it’s not – it’s not dark, or frightening, or anything like that.

A gentle night in a gentle home, security and safety coddling him and urging him to turn over and rest a while longer. There’s a breeze coming through the sheer curtains, and even from here Scar can see moonlight glowing silver through the drapes, pooling on the floor, so thick it’s almost like Scar could walk over and splash his bare feet in a puddle of starlight.

Scar, reluctantly, still unnaturally calm and collected despite the way curiosity is now nibbling at his heart – though thankfully not panic – rises from the bed.

–

Third: the stars have never looked like this before. The sky outside is not a human sky, the stars far too close, revealing colours that Scar’s human eyes have never witnessed before.

He thinks he can see the silhouettes of buildings in the starlight, lines of silver and white looming out of the night. Clouds puff by, near enough to touch, thick and soft-looking. Scar wonders if he’s in a palace in the heavens. He… might be.

–

Fourth: Xelqua’s eyes – of which they have many – behold Scar with an arresting fondness unmatched by any that came from Scar’s mortal life.

“You’re awake,” they say. They fill up the room, even from the doorway, too many wings for Scar’s eyes to properly understand sweeping through the space, candlelight glowing through so many feathers and glinting off so many eyes.

“I am,” Scar replies, the words falling out on automatic, next to meaningless, like nodding to show you’re listening, even if you’re not. Hastily, as his brain catches up, he lowers himself to the floor, kneeling on the thick carpet that had been so soft beneath his bare feet.

“Ah – ” Xelqua starts forward, cutting off the sound they make. “No, no, none of that. You don’t kneel to me, Scar Goodtimes.”

Xelqua’s hands are warm on Scar’s shoulders, touching him as gently as a sunbeam in spring. Scar stills, unsure. What does he do?

“You don’t kneel to me,” Xelqua repeats, softer. “Stand.”

Scar stands. He doesn’t meet Xelqua’s face – it’s kind of impossible to not meet at least one of their eyes – staring down at the floor instead. His palms grow a little clammy as he waits in silence. It’s not – not exactly fear, but the anticipation alone is nigh unbearable.

“Be not afraid,” Xelqua says.

“I’m – not,” Scar replies, which is honest, but not the whole story.

Xelqua pushes lightly at Scar’s shoulders. “So you are not,” they acknowledge, seemingly adjacent to surprised. “But still – you are not finished metamorphosing yet. You shouldn’t be out of bed.”

“Meta – what?” Scar asks as he is urged to sit down on the large bed again. It’s so delightfully comfortable, in a manner that denies human origin.

“Transforming,” Xelqua rewords as Scar lays down again, sleep already tugging at his edges, “as a butterfly emerges from its cocoon, so you have emerged on the other side of sacrifice. Sleep, Scar Goodtimes, I will be here when you wake properly to take your place beside me.”

–

Fifth: the sun rising over the castle in the clouds beams gold rays through Scar’s window and haloes him on the bed. He is not awake as his skin glows from within, sunlight in his blood, his new heart pumping strongly in his chest.

Xelqua rests a hand on Scar’s cheek, carefully cupping it as their power courses through Scar’s body, rebuilding it anew.

“Don’t rush,” they whisper to him. “Eternity needs neither your haste nor its own patience; it simply is, has been, and will be.”

Scar shifts on the bed, eyes flickering behind his eyelids, deep in dreams.

“I’ll love you if you love me,” Xelqua murmurs, repeating Scar’s own words back to him, the very ones that had made Xelqua take special notice of the latest heart to be sacrificed to them.

Love. What a human thing, a human need, a primal force for survival. Xelqua cannot help but be fascinated by it, to long to feel it as a human feels it: deep-seated, raw, hungry.

“Did you not give me your heart before they could give it for you?” Xelqua wonders out loud. “Is that why it is so – powerful?” That power thrums through them still; the sun has never shone so gold in centuries, and the creeping darkness they banish hasn’t been so scared since the last War of the Gods.

They place a palm over Scar’s chest, feeling his new heart beating double – in their chest and in his.

“We shall see what tomorrow brings…” they whisper. "My sun will rise on a new day, and we shall be new people to meet it."