#if youre 1 youre already 2 anyway and i hate you
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ykw? now that I've mentioned this hypothetical I'm gonna make the Wildest hot take that I'm sure No One will agree with but I'm gonna make it anyways:
Caitlyn is a victim of Ambessa's meddling
And before you all start typing away cuz I can already feel your comments coming, No this Isn't me justifying what Caitlyn does. This is me explaining that What she does is reactionary to all of the shit that Ambessa has set up, Ambessa is the bigger problem here and No One is willing to discuss it. They slap Everything onto Caitlyn and call it a day.
Because like I mentioned in my hypothetical, we do originally see Caitlyn still vouching for those in Zaun, saying innocents will die if they bring Hextech weaponry into Zaun solely to make Jinx pay for her actions. Which in turn causes Mel to agree with her, not just because she's against what her Mother's demanding (because she Knows that Ambessa's just puppeteering Salo), but because she also feels that Hextech should be a Last resort in any given situation, Mel still has compassion. Unfortunately, Mel still has to compromise with her fellow councilors, so they settle on sending the Enforcer's after Jinx, just without Hextech. This in turn is what causes Ambessa to set up the attack on the memorial. Because what the councilors have decided isn't going to start a war with Zaun, which is what she's looking for. She needs a catalyst to have people calling for so much blood that not starting a war is no longer an option.
Now I will admit, her bringing up becoming an Enforcer is one of her mistakes. She says to Vi "you can show not all of Zaun supports Jinx" because she believes this. Not just from Vi, but because Jinx's attack was her own, other Zaunites didn't attack the Council, she did. She says "I thought you were on our side" because she thought that Vi would understand because like her, she's lost a parent to an oppressor (and Before you start, I'm talking about Jinx oppressing Caitlyn specifically here. When Jinx threatens her, kidnaps her, and takes away her mom; she's specifically targeting Caitlyn, and for the most part, Caitlyn has been pretty helpless against her. therefore, that makes Jinx an oppressor of Caitlyn). But this causes her to think deeper about it and realize that asking Vi to put on the badge was the wrong thing to ask of her, she says so later in the episode. (btw, it's clear that Caitlyn secured Vi's enlistment Before offering the badge, not after being rejected, y'all are just reaching with this take because you're so blinded by your anger at Caitlyn (ironic isn't it?). Because 1) why would she even have the badge to begin with? But 2) it's pretty clear with with Maddie coming up and talking to her, that Enforcer's have been talking about Vi and Jayce going rouge after Silco's simmer facility for a bit now. And that they're all seemingly impressed with her and how Caitlyn stood up for her, they think that Vi's already agreed because Caitlyn hadn't asked yet)
When she's talking to Jayce, she says that "she understands how easy it is to hate them". because while yes, it is arguable that she was ignorant to people in Zaun back in S1, she didn't see how easy it was for her fellow people to just hate them. Especially after Vi showing her what life was like for people in Zaun. But that was before Jinx went and killed her mom (and gave her her whole baggage of other traumas). But it's still being shown to us that she doesn't lump all Zaunites together just because of Jinx's actions because she still remembers seeing everything down there, she doesn't hate them like other people do.
So, why does the attack at the memorial change things?
Because the attack wasn't made by Jinx, it was made by other Zaunites. Zaunites that she just spent a lot of her time vouching for, being in their defense, giving them benefit. because that's what's happening in Caitlyn's point of view, she doesn't Know (yet, most likely) that Ambessa was the reason that it even happened. She's angry at them and herself because like not shooting Jinx, she's been giving them the benefit when it seems that they don't deserve it. To Her, a peaceful memorial for her Mom that was destroyed by Zaunites that had no reason for attacking them. She Wasn't going to attack them until this happens, because now to her, they're all guilty (keep this in mind, because it actually has to do with her outburst at Vi later).
When she see's that her mom made the vents so that the people of Zaun could breath and not be harmed by the gray, she's so overcome by anger that she uses the gray as a weapon. she plows through the people of Zaun in order to get to Jinx, this is also what she does with Isha later. She isn't thinking rationally at this point anymore, she's simply being controlled by her emotions and thinking that if she kills Jinx it will fix all her problems. And because she now sees other Zaunites as guilty, she doesn't care what her actions are doing to the people of Zaun. they're simply just in her way.
And while Caitlyn says she wouldn't have missed the shot, I'm having doubts about that. Because at that point she's just firing wildly, she misses and takes off Jinx's finger, she misses and hits Vi instead. When Vi grabs the gun and aims it at the ground, look at the face Caitlyn makes here. it goes from shock at what just happened, to looking at Vi in anger. her face Screams "how could you?!" and while Vi's saying she's protecting a child, Not Jinx, that's Not what Caitlyn's hearing. by Vi getting in the way at all, she believes that Vi is still protecting Jinx, that despite Vi telling her to take the shot, that her sister is gone, she believes that Vi was lying to her. That's why she says "I keep telling myself that you're different, but you're not." she now believes that Vi was Never going to kill Jinx, that simply being her sister that was going to be a problem for Vi (because that's what happens in Ep 9. Vi's the one pleading with Caitlyn that "she's my sister" "don't hurt her" etc.). The straw that broke the camels back, however, is when Vi compares Caitlyn to Jinx. Now, Vi's absolutely right in what she's saying here, because Caitlyn has been acting like Jinx (because that's like the whole Point with these two, they're Supposed to be foils of each other). But to Caitlyn, Vi might as well have just slapped her across the face because she just compared her to the person that killed her mom and has been causing all her suffering. In response, she lashes out by hitting Vi with the back of her gun (AGAIN, I'm not saying what Caitlyn did is right, I'm just explaining what's going on and how CAITLYN is currently seeing things).
For a split second, you see regret on Caitlyn's face. She feels bad because she hit Vi, but that isn't quite enough to get her to stay, because the other demons in her head are still convincing her of what she think's Vi's done, so, she turns and leaves.
SO now that we got all THAT outta the way, let's talk about Ambessa appointing Caitlyn as a general shall we?
like I've mentioned in another post, she switches from Salo to Caitlyn because the fool mentioned how much power the Kiramman name wields. Because she simply can't put Herself as leader, oh no no no That would be too obvious. She needs a face for this war to hide behind, someone from Piltover itself, and who Better to Be that face than the new head of the most Powerful house in all of Piltover? Especially now that that new head has been dealing with quite a lot of anger and grief (something that Ambessa is Exceptionally skilled at weaponizing).
She starts with this whole speech of how Zaun has just been attacking Piltover nonstop (despite 2 out of the 3 instances she lists, she Herself is the one that's Responsible), and how "wrath must be met with wrath". Earlier she tells Salo to bring the "Who's who" of Piltover so that Caitlyn CAN'T say no to this because with everyone calling for war, it would look bad for Caitlyn to be like "nah I'll pass thanks". Because you can see everyone's faces, they're Approving of this decision that Ambessa makes, they're Willing to stand behind Caitlyn and the Kiramman name. And so are the Enforcers who Admire Caitlyn, they all begin to pound their chest in solidarity with the Noxian soldiers, they're Also willing to stand behind Caitlyn. and watch the look on her face as Caitlyn walks towards Ambessa, when Ambessa places the cloak on her and swears "her mother will have justice". she's merely starring off, almost in a daze, her rational isn't kicking in, she's merely being lead on a string. here she's being given what she Thinks will solve her problems, and is taking it.
I'm sure that once Caitlyn starts to figure out what Ambessa's doing, not only is her anger going to be directed at Ambessa; but the guilt from the blood that's now on her hands is probably going to eat her alive. She's going to need to make things right with both Vi and Zaun if this has any chance of becoming better but it's rather unclear if that's even going to be a viable option for her. Is there enough time left for Caitlyn to be able to right her wrongs? who knows, it just depends on what they show us.
So all in all, while Caitlyn's actions Are wrong, she isn't this evil, unlovable bitch that just proved that she's been a bitch all along that isn't worth redeeming. thank you for your time.
(before I go, one thing I AM going to say people invalidating Caitlyn's trauma and grief because she comes from a privileged background and therefore "her trauma isn't as bad" is one of the most DISGUSTING things I think I've ever seen. Trauma Absolutely Does NOT work like that. Caitlyn's been through a Fuckton of trauma in merely a matter of Days and is being expected to hold herself together. Yes the actions that she's taking are wrong, I've said this like 5 times during this post, but that doesn't mean her pain and trauma has less value and isn't real. This isn't the trauma olympics, there isn't an invisible line that someone has to cross before you deem "they're allowed to react now")
#arcane#arcane season 2#caitlyn kiramman#arcane discussion#arcane analysis#caitlyn analysis#arcane hot take#no one will agree#but im saying it anyway#dont compare trauma#thats gross#arcane spoilers#stop hating on caitlyn#shes a victim to#shes going to realize the wrong of her actions#caitlyn support#trauma makes you do bad shit sometimes#thats what we all have to learn
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the only irredeemable fictional traits are 1. treat kids badly in any way as an adult 2. Annoying
#or both!#if youre 1 youre already 2 anyway and i hate you#i specify as an adult bc of kankuro and other characters who are like. 13. and get into fights with kids for no reason
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dofp having both Time In A Bottle and erik telling charles he wished he hadnt spent so many years fighting him was actually evil really !!!!!
#xmen#xmen dofp#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#snap chats#AND THE FACT ITS QUICKSILVER LMAO is that cause he hates you in like. every timeline im gone bruh doin your old man like that#sorry i was rewatching DOFP because i really needed bitter exes cherik before i went back to college#and the quicksilver segment is already one of my fave moments in the film#1.) its gen a cool sequence 2.) Time In A Bottle is an excellent song#but i was wathcin the movie with my brother and he insinuated the song was cherik adjacent and ouugh i died a little#like how did /i/ not pick up on that ..... my bro dont even fw cherik like that he knows I DO tho#its so funny im invested in marvel for the first time in about a decade and im back to just yaoi on the dome#same as when i was 15 the more things change the more things stay the same etc etc#oh but yeah anyway. what if we all died.#i still think of that Alleged cut bit from the script where (old) erik was supposed to die in charles' arms when the sentinels come#like genuinely i might have just thrown my whole tv away i couldnt handle that !!!!!!!!!!#i love old cherik i fear ........ i love the young version too ofc but theres just a special spot in my soul for old man yaoi vlaekvjeal
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can't believe people are still out here accusing real ass people of queerbaiting. at this point just admit you like forcing people to come out before they're ready because that's what the result of this continues to be. coming out to anyone isn't an obligation for any queer person and people shouldn't have to alter their behavior or personality or presentation just because you personally think they're cishet. that is literally your own personal problem to work on. keep it to yourself
#anyway i can't believe i actually saw - in my pride month - someone accusing onlyoneof of queerbaiting#and using gayness for 'clout' like. 1) if any of them actually came out it would probably end their careers. casually#like why do kpop fans constantly forget that queerness isnt a globally accepted thing#2) the fact that they even do these gay storylines in their mvs is insane to me and they already got so much hate for it#like literally what clout are you talking about. this was honestly a risky thing for them to do#and the only reason it paid off at all is bc they have a pretty big supportive international fan base#but otherwise libido literally could've been the end of it for all of them#3) despite getting straight-up hate instead of pretending like it didnt happen and trying to just move on they doubled down#like idk how ooo of all groups is getting ridiculed by gay people like you are sooo online like#meet a gay person from a different cultural background than yours im begging you#you can't say that gay people have to come out without compromising our autonomy#you literally sound like a homophobe forcing us to be categorized and this is why this mindset is not fucking safe#im talking again
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People jumping ship cause of the new masks is very ahhhh. Telling. Tbh.
#very much so#tell me you where only here cause of the looks without telling me your only here cause of the looks#listen. I miss the old masks already too. that’s not the point.#you can mourn for something without that taking away your joy for it.#‘it’s all moving so fast’ iii has been turning red since July.#‘they’re evolving too fast’ or we just got here later then others.#‘I can’t even listen anymore’ sucks to be you. the music that has been put out hasn’t changed so I don’t understand this one#‘they’re gonna get cancelled over this’ ok. I guess this is just thinning out the people who were real fans and who where fake fans#I’m gonna be a sleep token fan til the end. if this is the way they want their image to go? I’ll follow. if we get heavier music next?#sounds fucking amazing to me. (I listen to heavier stuff anyway).#idk I just think it’s so so so fucking telling. that if your jumping ship cause their Live Performance Aesthetic has changed… you didn’t#mean it when you said sleep token was important to you.#like I’m 100% MOURNING the old masks. I am BMO with Finn’s old hair sobbing about the old masks.#but I know this too shall pass#this is how I fucking felt about Vessel’s mask change#and to everyone going ‘what about Vessel and the Chior!’#1). VESSEL HAD A MASK CHANGE EARLIER THIS YEAR!!! he isn’t gonna change masks again so fast those fuckers r expensive!#2). the choir did have a change?? they wherent wearing robes at all and where in body chains they looked amazing#I get we are all neurodiverse and hate change but take a deep breath before you renounce all your sleep token love#I’m guessing Vessel will get a new mask in April again. for the kick off show.#tonight was a closing show. and he didn’t FEEL GOOD. I wouldn’t be surprised that if he was gonna do something with a new mask#if he pushed it back because he didn’t feel good.#he performed a whole show while we could TELL his throat was hurting. fuck.#I want to wrap him up in a warm hug and give him hot water with honey in it.#idk I’m rambling. it’s just telling.
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~
#they speak!#it's probably just the illness that's making me extra irritable but like.#roommate kept coming up to me this morning going oh did i wake you up? i'm sorry if i did. did i do that or no? i'm really sorry.#and i kept telling him to stop saying sorry because i didn't have the brain power to phrase#'you could've been more considerate of your volume but you also have the right to use the common space so it's whatever'#but he said it to me again before i went to my room just now and it's like. ok. shut up.#if you actually cared that much u would've just been quieter in the first place actually.#anyways. annoyed. there were some annoying customers in the store today but it was whatever.#i feel like my fucks to give had already worn out with all the ppl in my social circle/my parents and the recent ongoings of that#[redacted] was being passive aggressive to me in the group chat and it's like. ok! idk what u want from me.#and i'm grateful for them for coming over and helping me with cleaning last week#and it's those sorts of actions that let me know they care and want good things for me#but like. i haaaate telling them anything because even innocuous non-private things get turned into judgement with them.#also. more and more i can feel how i'm drifting away from h and now with retrospect i can see how we mutually hurt each other :)#i keep coming back to this one period where i really wanted to take them to try dimsum and they kept saying they were too scared to try it#and in their new friend group they regularly go out n get dimsum together. which on the surface is like. why didn't you want to go with /me#i told you i wanted to share what i liked and i would explain what things were and i could do the talking and you still said no#but it's also very much a reflection of how i always rolled over and enabled them. i never challenged them. i was always passive.#i also feel like i'm heavily neglecting e and a recently and i can tell how the physical distance is affecting us and idk. it's weird.#anyways. another post that should've been a journal entry! lol!#when [redacted] helped with cleaning they also buried my journal under my like#300 packets of sesame candies and i can't be bothered to dig it out. also my bandaids are missing now. <3#ik this also sounds passive aggressive but genuinely appreciate the help i just kinda hate how they think hidin everything in boxes is good#'we need to get you some more storage boxes and containers!!' actually i think that will be the opposite of helpful.#i need everything visible and on open surfaces so i can 1) remember they exist for me to use and 2) not have barriers for me to get to them
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So you know this party banter between Aveline and Carver?
Aveline: I don't like some of the people you've been associating with, Carver. Carver: Talk to my brother/sister. He/She's the one in charge.
If you're on the rivalry path with Aveline, she says:
Aveline: Who says I don't mean him/her too? This city's full of people who are dead set on ending badly. I don't want to see you end up the same way.
I just- Aveline, you- you're so- hhhhnnnngggggg
I always rival Aveline when I play a mage, and if you think Edgar Aristide Hawke, who practically raised Carver and Bethany after Malcolm died and Leandra became a distant mother in her grief, wouldn't stop dead in his tracks at Aveline heavily implying he's a bad influence on his brother and Carver shouldn't hang around him so much since apparently Ed's someone set on ending badly...? Absolutely not.
This is another case of me wishing Hawke had the option to jump in during party banter with different options, because Ed would've chewed Aveline out for that.
Oh, and then there's:
Carver: Would asking you to stop spying on me help in the least? Aveline: No.
Aveline...................stop it.
#da2#dragon age 2#carver hawke#aveline vallen#da2 hawke#edgar hawke#listen all of aveline and carver's party banter and their relationship and the fact that they're pretty much foils DRIVES ME CRAZY#in a good way but then i get party banter like this and i stop everything i'm doing just to scream#like ed and aveline are on fairly good terms in act 1 i mean the rivalry is there but it's not too bad it's more like they just butt heads#but after leandra's death the friendship just rots and deteriorates like by the end of act 3 ed is genuinely surprised aveline#didn't turn on him and side with the templars but i guess even aveline knows what's actually right#or maybe she just doesn't want to face ed in a fight sksksks hell ed AND carver in a fight so it's easier to side with him and the mages#but anyway aveline saying that when ed's in earshot is bold but also the fact that carver doesn't actually acknowledge it#like he doesn't agree or disagree he just changes the subject to be like 'can you stop spying on me PLEASE'#like he already has no privacy while living with gamlen and now he has no privacy when he's by himself because apparently aveline's spying#also i always max out carver's friendship so he and ed are on good terms they're the brothers hawke and carver loves him#even if he doesn't outright say it you know that's what he's really saying in the last straw#when he says that he's proud to call hawke brother/sister and that's gone unsaid for too long like............ screaming sobbing throwing u#like the carver and hawke dynamic on his friendship path is sooo good that i hear aveline say that and i'm immediately ready to throw hands#btw if you're on aveline's friendship path she says 'maybe but i know you get around' instead which...........gets around where aveline???#aveline my list of beef with you grows with every playthrough i hate you but also i love you but also i want to throw you in the ocean#until you get your head out of your ass like this is a case of her being a FASCINATING character but as a person? while i'm playing ed? ugh#my lady warrior hawke adored aveline but ed is ready to fight her 24/7 sksksk
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Being self aware is literally hell I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy
#diary#god I could rant about about this forever#tw mentions of assault in the tags dont read if that makes u uncomfortable#im kinda getting tired of people asking why i dont date 🤩 it sends me into a mental spiral hahahaaaaa#i just tell people im not looking for anything serious rn but its a big fat fucking lie because i DO want to date#but i think my nervous system is so shot from living with my dad still and he can be so emotionally abusive it's insane#it makes me not trust my judgement because shitty behavior is so normalized and i KNOW whats Right and Wrong but im so used to keeping the–#–peace because its a survival tactic for me and always has been#like when people like me i think one of two things usually:#1) they're genuinely interested in me and i hate myself so much i cant understand why anyone would like me#or 2) theyre interested in me for my body which is both easier to understand and terrifying because people in the past have hurt me because–#–they wanted to be with me. read between the lines for that one#because of how i grew up and what I've experienced i genuinely do not trust people. i trust no one fully and it kills me#i feel so fucking guilty all the time bc most people arent out to get you but that wasn't the case for me#i feel like i cant grow as a person because im stuck in a survival mindset. i KNOW why I people please and i hate it#i genuinely do love people and i want the best for them but its also ingrained into my head that if something is wrong it's My Fault#and there will be Consequences#back to dating though#there are so many reasons I do and dont want to date#i call myself a Helpless Romantic because there's no way I'll be dating in the near future. i cant just go on dates I have to know you for–#–a while and build trust. but what if it ends badly and im the idiot who cant take a goddamn hint and realise love isnt meant for someone–#–like me?#i grew up knowing my parents hated each other and “stayed together for the kids” whatever thet means. like that fucks with your mind#seeing my mom being mistreated by my dad made me snap out of the disney movie princess x prince charming daze everyone else was in as a kid#i realised very early on that relationships won't save you and can actually be the worst thing to ever happen to someone#theres more to this but ive already said enough lol. anyway
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hell day today and i'm only two hours into my EIGHT HOUR SHIFT
#9 to 5 by dolly parton starts playing in the background..#literally had to open up shop alone 2day and also was entirely alone for the first 45 min. of my shift so that was already a negative start#to the day + i heard that i can't have my break later than two thirty which is very bad for me bc 1) there'll be a lot of ppl all around me#when i'm eating which i already dislike and 2) like 85% of ppl taking their break around that time are VERY noisy eaters so even worse and#then 3) it'll be really loud in the room as well bc everyone's talking loudly and eating and the cutlery's clanging against plates and such#and also some ppl have actual full-blown arguments with each other in the break room bc half the ppl here hate each other's guts so more#negatives to the day and then on top of that we've had sooooo many annoying customers already today who r just. intent on making u stressed#out and upset and literally will tell u to your face to 'do your job better' like bro...i can easily tell you haven't worked in retail....#also someone hung their clothes on the rack outside the fitting rooms which is where u hang ur clothes when you're DONE fitting them & don'#want them bc they don't fit or don't sit right or u just don't rlly like them after all so if clothes are hanging there we the ppl working#there WILL take them and hang them back in their original places what did u expect to happen?? anyway someone hung the clothes they had#tried on already and did want there and i reached out to take them bc like. that's what we do here..we hang the clothes on the 'discard#rack' back in the store bc else the rack gets stuffed and the woman literally grabbed my arm and said 'those are mine what do u think you'r#doing' LIKE?????? GIRL THE RACK'S THERE FOR A REASONNNN ofc i'm going to assume u don't want them anymore if they're hanging there that's#why it's called the DISCARD rack....also how am i to know those specific clothes are yours HONESTLYYYYYY STFU AND GET OFF ME#ALSO some dude was like (to his child but like. looking at me while he said it.) 'this guy needs a haircut doesn't he' bc my hair is kinda#long and apparently i passed today. LIKE 1st of all kind of a rude thing to say to a stranger innit 2nd of all setting a great example to#your child there just casually commenting on other ppl's looks like that👍 3rd of all jokes on you you wouldn't consider me a guy if#you Knew most likely. thanks for that little zing of glee much obliged <3 but also man just piss off will you. 4th of all my hair isn't eve#that long....like the ends of it are just shy of my shoulders wdym LONG if u knew the long-haired guys i know you'd faint.#anyway. great start of the day. i still have six more hours to go 🥴#ALSO no surprise this always happens but my legs already hurt SOOOOOOOO BADDDDDD :(((((((((((#r.txt
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fuck bhaal all my homies hate bhaal
#ari plays bg3#big mad. i just want to kill orin. i understand that this is how fights work sometimes but.#HATE things being difficulty added just because more guys pop up outta nowhere. its annoying. i dont like it.#i have 2 go to bed anyway so theres no way i was gonna get the farslayer but i thought about it for 2 seconds after restarting#and then quit the game sgdjdjdj#props to ppl who have finished this game multiple times because some of these difficulty spikes are. Spiked.#and it is not as enjoyable when you know /you/ have hit a level cap but your enemies have not.#i do not want to be able to progress to level 18 or anything i get that thats a huuuge boost#but like. idk man. level 14?#i just feel like i hit max level way too early in act 3.#anyway i have been a hater for too long in the tags#i do enjoy the game! quite a bit! but act 3 fatigue Hits. i want baldurs gate to be a big city but its a Lot#like. we already know that orin controls the undercity and gortash the city proper.#maybe there could have been a way to make the player choose b/w accessing 1 of the 2 city halves first and then balancing the undercity more#the obstacles to get to orin just feel like a lot more and more draining and closer together#compared to the lead up to gortash#and like. theoretically you could hunt orin down first but part of me is like. how. how would i have done that#to clarify i think my ideal would have been rivington and wyrms crossing always available but then most of the lower city/sewers#should be inaccessible to the party until orin or gortash is killed.#like i kno a lot of ppl didnt enjoy it but i actually was pretty satisfied w act 2! i think some of the act 1 stuff should have been#part of it technically#but i felt like the length and the throughline was pretty decent.#act 3 is a little decision paralysis inducing in a way i dont super love#WOW that was a rant in the tags. ok. we're normal now. i just have Thots
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Well glad to know I'm not the only one not feeling the Christmas season this year. Mom isnt either
Now we dont know why, but here are my guesses. Feel free to place your bets.
Is it:
Bc our aunt/great-aunt died and essentially dissolved the family
|_> Bc of this we've faced so much bullshit from the surviving family we have left.
Bc the only remaining family we have are major assholes aside from like 4 people.
Long covid?
Work stress/ working under a tyrant piece of shit.
Bc I'm an adult now so the *magic* is gone?
All of the above??
#marquilla#we still havent made cookies and are like i want the cookies but i dont want to make the cookies...#so we agreed we can do it after christmas if need be#i really think it's all of that combined. like my g-aunt dying really tore this family apart. we weren't like close close before but i mean#everyone started taking sides (the executors (my mom) vs my cousins. like listen you motherfuckers she left you [insert number bc i also#got this amount and am not disclosing]. you little freaks need to get over the fact that she loved me as much as if not more than you.#maybe bc i wasn't a fucking entitled brat and was always a polite well behaved child (for her) and didnt take my mommy/daddy issues out on#her. you already got: 2 free cars. 3 fully paid for weddings. 4 college degrees (one that you're not even using bc you havent worked since#college bc you became a tradwife. (not dissing stay at home moms im dissing her making college a BIG DEAL for her and then just#essentially saying haha thanks for the 100k in tuition but no ❤). COUNTLESS hours and money poured#into your lives from her and our g-uncle. amongst the 4 of you. (only 1 is not a brat but thats bc they pretend she doesnt exist bc shes#annoying and autistic so a drain on them they were ever so happy to dump on their dad)#you aren't entitled to any of that. that was a GIFT. your inheritance was well thought out. it is an insult for you to suggest otherwise#anyway so theyre being whiny brats and oh boo hoo you exects are SO MEAN to poor Ally who didnt sign the fucking will and thus held up#$50k FROM A CHURCH. and my uncle (not their dad. their moms brother) is taking their side. his wife is a massive piece of shit ab it too.#dont know whose side dog cousin is on bc shes close to my mom but very close to them. and i know lesbian cousin is on moms side to some#degree. and idgaf what Murderer cousin thinks bc that bitch can and will rot in hell.#so anyway any one we could possibly spend time with this season is either dead or hates us. or lives states away and won't be in til after#and only for a day anyway. and we just dont have the fucking energy to deal with anything
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🌹:O
:3c
Lucifer doesn't care how the labcoats say it works; he knows there's no such thing as a clean break from a drift the minute the plug is pulled. Instead, Michael goes from a second consciousness beside his own to being dragged out of Lucifer the further Lucifer gets from him, both of them gripping tight to the connection until it slips, until it snaps, with a violent recoil that knocks Lucifer's brain out of alignment and reminds his legs that they don't work. His next step falls too fast, too heavily, and refuses to take his weight. It's only Michael, now only a voice outside of Lucifer's head yelling his name, catching him from behind that allows Lucifer to collapse to the floor with his dignity intact.
#is this more than one sentence? yes. yes it is. because tumblr deleted this post once and pissed me off.#i had so many tags about lucifer already and boom. gone.#anyway. tfw you see your boyfriend get severely injured during a battle and this makes you panic so bad you manage to make it a few meters#which is a lot for a guy who can't actually walk.#lucifer's got a whole Situation. turns out plugging a guy's brain up to a giant robot is not without its bugs.#especially when said guy was one of the first to be stuck inside the giant robot with his brother. and testing was a lower priority due to#everyone wanting a faster solution to the Giant Fucking Monsters. so lucifer's brain got overloaded and can't send signals to his legs#anymore to move right unless he's hooked up to a mech. technically when this first happened the doctor told him 'well if you stop doing mec#shit you can walk again.' but 1) he's not doing that. and 2) that was years ago. just because that recommendation is still on a file#somewhere doesn't mean it would actually work for him. or even that it would have back then. it's still the official answer for 'fixing' hi#because that's better optics than the truth. which is that he can't walk.*#(technically. technically. if he was left disconnected from the mech for a week he could walk. it would also be exhausting. and painful.#and slow. this is not something lucifer considers to be helpful information when he moves faster and with more ease in his chair.#this is something other people like to point out about him that makes him want to start hitting them. and it's not even really true anymore#the 'a week disconnected' thing. again. was a long time ago. it would take over a month for him to stand nowadays.)#(v few people Get all of this but like. michael is one of them. he's in lucifer's head enough that it would be weirder for him not to get i#add to that him being one of the few people who has seen lucifer walk nowadays and focused more on 'hey he looks like he hates that'#than praising it. and he gets it. and is also the requisite amount of annoyed when lucifer *runs off* before michael can help him into his#chair!! not the first time this has happened and will not be the last. michael's used to catching him.)#ask#oh my god that was so much rambling. this isnt even the point of the fic btw. this is just. backstory. worldbuilding.
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Okay. I’m going away again; bye!
#the second I start typing modified versions of blocked tags into the search bar is when I know it’s time to go#The slothful inaction on this site is appalling#if maybe one tenth of the userbase’s creativity dedicated to discourse were directed toward mass-reporting ACTUAL problems like…#oh… idk…#(each number is a letter of the alphabet) 13.14.19.6.23#(not to say that the other things people argue about are inherently stupid in terms of content…#it’s just that 13.14.19.6.23 is a grievous problem specific to social media with such an immediate non-philosophical solution)#Not to say that people who aren’t involved in discourse should trigger themselves to fix problems#but if you’re engaged in discourse to such a degree that you have an entire blog dedicated to it and it is impacting your ability to live#you are ALREADY triggering yourself; so if you’re hellbent on triggering yourself like that at least do something useful with it#I talk like this because I#1.) have purposefully gone into the 13.14.19.6.23 tag so I could find and report blogs#(…yeah… not a great experience)#2.) work in a profession where all I do is help people *all day long*#And I’ve done other things which I will not list#but you can probably guess#anyway I’m not a hypocrite#but literally anything you do to benefit society helps; I am on my hands and KNEES begging you bastards to start doing things#caring is not enough#I hate to quote the Bible but “Faith without works is dead” rings very true here#actively do things#And the addictive drivel that is Tumblr is preventing me from doing everything I can. I’m fucking done. with. it#I will come back when and *if* I learn how to use this app recreationally instead of compulsively#I loathe this website (not the people on it; just the website)#(okay… some of the people on it… but none of my moots or followers ily <3)#PEACE!
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collection of my absolute favorite tags from this incredible post:
Candace and doofenshmirtz would be tumblr mutuals i think
#my personal take is that phineas would have a blog dedicated to advertising his latest invention so everyone can come check it out#and ferb would have a blog for the same purpose except he just silently reblogs all of phineas's posts with the occasional thumbs up emoji#candace constantly tries to show the posts to their mom and either#1) she goes “oh those boys and their imagination” because she thinks they're inviting their friends over for make-believe games#or 2) tumblr staff nukes their posts for promoting dangerous activities / self doxxing#“aren't you a little young to be inviting strangers to your house to *checks post* test the zoning law breaking DIY water slide you built?”#perry doesn't have a blog he just lurks on doof's to check up on his evil schemes#but his family runs an in-character pet blog where they put him in silly hats and make him say cute but wildly out of character things#somehow avoiding The Hat#and doof follows that blog because aww cute little harmless platapus#major monogram occasionally posts angsty vents about The Academy while every teen on the site begs him to get therapy instead#carl is a reddit infiltrator and everyone hates him. im sorry carl fans(???) but you actually cant debate me on this im right#OH AND LAWRENCE#HE ABSOLUTELY IS THE FATHER OF TUMBLR AND EVERYONE ADORES HIM#he posts about how much he loves his wife and kids in between rambles about his special interests (fossils dun dun dun)#i just know he's the babygirl of tumblr in his universe and candace probably hates it but secretly thinks its sweet that everyone loves him#he'll just go “ah candace look! ive received another 'note'! i do wish i could figure out how to write one back”#sorry i went off on a lawrence tangent i unironically love that man#SORRY ONE MORE I JUST THOUGHT OF I SWEAR IM DONE AFTER THIS#buford runs a baljeet hate blog and constantly receives anons begging him to just ask him out already#he hates it but is VERY CAREFUL to explain he isn't homophobic and actually belives that homophobia is an evil and unjust philosophy#that goes against the Bullies Code of Ethics or some shit#anyway when theyre in high school he finally makes a post like “yeah ok whatever we're dating now im still gonna bully him tho”#and tumblr loses their collective minds for like a week#this may be the most tags ive ever put on anything i am currently unmedicated and pnf was my entire childhood ok
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yk it’s very funny to me that nearly 10 years ago I started posting an (at the time) unfinished multichapter wip and then found the pressure and process of continuing to write and update out of some like bizarre obligation to be so excruciating that I basically resolved to never do that again (the exception being the amy fic but like… that’s different) which means over the years I’ve posted WAY less fic tbh but it has also prevented my ao3 from being littered with unfinished works or works that I painstakingly finished like it was a chore and thus like generally much worse writing. my google drive on the other hand…….
#the amy fic is different btw because I think I had written like 200k before posting anything and I did post part 1 in its entirety…#would LOVE to finish part 2 someday I cannot return to tww hyperfixation so idk how that’s gonna happen… I mean I could probably edit it#as it stands into something with an actual end but I think it would be a very different end than the one I originally planned on#hey also. do NOT go to my ao3 and look for that fic it’s bad (I can’t stop you bc I don’t wanna take it down but…)#anyways this is also bc I like to be able to edit as I go like if I decide something should happen in ch8 but it should be hinted at before#it’s easier to edit like. say chapter 6. if it isn’t already posted#this is mostly brought to you by the tiny part of my brain that’s like hey post the first few chapters of your great lie fic.#also for the record I’m NOT saying you shouldn’t post your wips as you go I’m saying that I personally hated that experience for myself#and that it’s a little bit counter to my writing process.#but! if I wasn’t like this… my ao3 would probably have like 1-2 chapters posted of the shirshus which was a lok fic abt kya lin and izumi#the biggest loss of this I feel is the shirshus which was my lok kya lin izumi probending au where they were all involved in the early days#of probending but like as an underground semi legal sport as a way of venting their issues in their early 20s or something#I had soooo much lore and soooo many ideas and like a full outline and I wrote. like a prologue chapter. and maybe a first chapter. lol#my post#I will say I also may be overestimating the impact of this bc a larger majority of my fanfic folder in drive is probably unfinished#long one shots or honestly like disjointed scene collections without enough connective tissue or editing… alas
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i am so used to my pinned post i kinda don't want to change the format but i want to
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#Like. i want it to be more ❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥 u get me?#it's too small/limiting for me rn ragggghhh ..... will change it soon ^_^ 💖#wow. hard to believe it's already june. 4-5ish months till i'm not a minor anymore and around 2 months till college#happy pride btw :3 Hm. i am still not out to my parents but i am vv comfortable now w who i am.#i know for sure i prefer short hair over long hair and hate when it gets past this certain length that i then need a haircut#and i've actually grown comfortable wearing dresses and skirts! which ngl has been there a bit since i watched hamilton#but only now ?? like. Yeah.#it's funny bcs when i had shorter hair than my short hair rn LMFAO it was shorter than i actually liked#but the perks were my friends telling me You Look Like A Guy Even More and some storeclerk calling me sir#but that was funny bcs i was w my twin. and ok we're identical but maybe not obvious at first bcs i wear glasses and they have slightly more#femme and long hair and her style is diff from mine. colorful or bright or maximalist vs minimalist or dark or max 3 tones same colorsalways#LMFAO. me & my twin r super comfy w each other so sometimes we make Jokes. uh. yeah. HELP?#if u get it than yaaaa B) o/ anyway yeah. also comfortable w small amts of makeup now!#if it looks natural enough i'm cool w it :3 i also like stylistic shit. but haven't tried that stuff yet <3#i just hate makeup in general when it is too much that you don't look like yourself anymore... unless it's Cool#IDK HWO TO EXPLAIN. whatever it's not important. <3#ouuughhh i love my new pompompurin stuffed toy... official from sanrio in japan hehehehehehhe#i like making it do stupid shit like eating my soup or mochi and i like using it to tell my mom stuff like#pompompurin thinks you suck (jokingly. i love my mom she knows how i am!)#so she says back pompomsometbinv tell your amo (owner?) she sucks more LMFAOOO#also. just. fhsbkfjd official merch... >___< we were supposed to head back to our hotelwtvr after gpinf to alihabara#akihabara** but while waiting to reload the card thing. i spotted the official yostar store and :)) YAY#so got a little standee. for arknights. 1 for me 1 for my twin but it's gachafied and the fucking. thing. is.#every chara u cld get was basically a fav of mine ESP. TEQUILA. HOLY FUCK. MY ABSOLUTE JOY SEEING HIM.#but the two we got... were both my my Twin's favs... who i also like but. they are Not my faves. :)#so apparently just in general my gacha luck really sucks.#even w the gbf pins. artemis managed to get BELIAL and then for me uhh. ok we got 1 for a surprise gift for a friend#they r not active on tumblr atm i think so shhh anyway so basically anyway. i cld have gotten sandalphon. or other ppl. and i got two charas#i DO like but... more are arti's favs than mine still..... haha. at least w the ffxiv coasters we had equal luck. Amazing luck.
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