#if your batman isnt a little shit i dont want him

[ifyoucandaniel]

I want to thank you for making your list of recommended long batfam fics. I have been making my way through it and I am really enjoying them! ESPECIALLY cards on the table (I also love Dark Matter but I had already read it). Please let us know if you ever get more long batfam fic recs 🥺

okay so ive been waiting to answer this until i had gathered a good chunk of new long fics and ive been getting a lot of similar messages asking for recommendations, so here is another list of my fav long batman fics!

Jason and the Three Terrors by @cdelphiki, 220k, ongoing, T. if i can get you to read one thing, let it be this. ohhh my god where to even begin, this is a fic where jason stays with the league after his dip in the lazarus pit for a little while and winds up being charged with getting damian, his cousin, and his sister out of the league safely. this fic is just so fucking good, cdelphiki always writes such seamless relationship growth and watching jason go from "im dropping these brats off first chance i get" to "im a single mother of three and i need to provide for my kids" is phenomenal. 1000/10, the writing, the kids, the relationships, please do yourself a favor and read this.

A Collision of Masks by Movaz, 169k, completed, T. !! guys. this is such a good dick grayson-centric fic. this is set in an AU where batman never joined the justice league so the justice league knows very little about batman inc. and consequently dick never joins YJ so the YJ team is tasked with checking out a new hero called nightwing in bludhaven and police officer grayson is tasked with helping the team in their investigation :) really good fic exploring dick juggling all his identities and finally gaining people he can rely on! i actually did a bind of it so you know i love this story so much

Life Happens by @cdelphiki, 176k, complete, G. ok so this fic is probably one of the most beautiful stories of growth and love i've read. its about tim and damian being transported from their world into ours where they're only comic book characters and they start to build a life for themselves here. cdelphiki is one of the most amazing authors, im currently going through all of their works, but this one has just stayed with me and i dont think anyone should pass it up. watching tim and damian grow together and seeing damian have a real childhood and just the whole concept of life happening wether you want it to or not is so beautifully done. cannot recommend enough.

Honoring Promises by LananiA3O, completed, 14k, T. okay this isnt actually a long fic, but its one of my favorite fics ever and i need it on this list. if you're like me and you love UTRH aus where instead of sticking around as red hood after bruce threw a batarang at his throat jason fucks off and disappears to live a normal life, this is for you. from dick's pov, he realizes jasons last letter was a last attempt at reaching out and stalks him until he finds out what really happened to his little brother. i think about this every day and wish it was 10000 words long

The Time Before by @cdelphiki, 80k, completed, G. at this point this is basically just a cdelphiki fic rec lmao when i said everything by them was good, i meant that shit. this is a fic where jason is sent back into time when he was 9 years old but still has all his memories from the future. he goes to bruce for help despite wanting to do literally anything else and is surprised to realize maybe everything isn't how he remembers it 10 years in the future and maybe theres a chance he can go home when hes older again. once again cdelphiki hitting me in the feels with this one, really amazing study on how time and pain can change how you perceive and remember things and also just forgiveness and fixing mistakes and accepting mistakes were made. very good, highly recommend

Good Fences Make Good Neighbors by Sophene, 80k, completed, batlantern, T. I have no excuse for this, this is such a fun and funny fic i love it so much. basically HOA president single dad bruce with his 10 million adopted kids and then hal jordan moves in next door and plays his music too loud at 10pm on a school night and throws parties and bruce has a stick up his ass about it. i really really love the shift in hal when kyle comes to live with him as his ward (? i cant actually remember if hes adopted or just a ward) and seeing him finally understand why bruce acts the way he does when it comes to his kids. also seeing bruce just being a tired dad 90% of the fic when he isnt glaring at hal is so good.

Option C by CasualGeek, 78k, completed, T. this has, in my opinion, a very unique and interesting premise. basically, what if instead of becoming red hood, jason comes back to gotham and manages to get Joker put on trial for the murder of sheila haywood and get the insanity plea thrown out. really interesting approach to batman and joker and jason technically doing things through the legal justice system and what that means for him and the people around him. very good, read it all in one sitting

butcherbird, fly away home by e_va, 41k, completed, M. lost days jason todd loml! basically what if when jason was off on his world tour one of his tutors kidnapped bruce wayne and jason has feelings about it against his will. "what if lost days jason was stuck in the same room as a sick bruce for more than 10 minutes and actually had to talk to him without punching him" AU and i throughly enjoyed it. @darlingatlas recommended this one and she never misses with the jason recs

this kind of weather by r_astra, 55k, completed, T. this is the fic something in the static was originally inspired by and if you know me, i love that series, and i love this fic too. another what if jasons mom didnt die until later and social services gets involved before he can bolt and bruce seeks him out with some very interesting news. i love fics that display jason’s relationship with crime alley and him being one of them. very good, i love jason so much

ok now these aren't actually long fics but i need to get them out here because i love them so much and highly recommend!

To My Brother by a_silly_gander, 7k, completed, T. Lost days jason au where he starts sending post cards from his travels to dick on a whim while we follow his time away and the people he meets. i love this one so much, please read it if you love jason and dick, its so special to me.

Enhanced Fashion Sense is a Perk of Being a Cat by 12pt_timesnewromanfont, 23k, complete, G. selina breaks into drake manor to steal a cat artifact and accidentally meets the drakes ten year old son they left home alone. then she starts keeping tabs on him and eventually adopts him and makes him stray. i really love selina finding tim before bruce and taking care of him <3 10/10 i wish selina would adopt me

[wolfjackle-creates]

WIP Wednesday

So, here's a short excerpt for WIP Wednesday (963 words)! Thank you for everyone who followed my new writing blog, the response has been so unbelievable.

Trigger Warning: Discussion of parental death

Original Prompt Fill

1st Shared Segment

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IKnowYourSecrets: hey

IKnowYourSecrets: I know this isnt something weve done before

IKnowYourSecrets: you said you got a cell for your last bday

IKnowYourSecrets: can I call you?

IKnowYourSecrets: heres my number XXX-XXX-XXXX

-xXPolarisXx-: is everything ok?

-xXPolarisXx-: dont answer that

-xXPolarisXx-: obv not

-xXPolarisXx-: my phones in my room brb

Danny ran up stairs to grab his phone and return to the computer before anyone could close out of his chat. He checked the number and dialed it, closing out of everything and logging out as the call connected.

“Tim?” he asked as soon as the ringing stopped. “What’s happened?”

“Danny? I… this is weird talking like this.” Tim’s voice was rough and Danny couldn’t tell if that was from emotion or just how he normally sounded.

Danny laughed a little. “Yeah. It is. Give me a sec, let me get to my room and I’ll shut the door. Give us some privacy.”

“I… yeah. I might need a few minutes.”

“Are you okay?”

Tim made a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a sob and Danny all but ran up the stairs. “No, not really. Um. My mom’s dead.”

“What?!" What was the appropriate response to something like this? Sometimes he wished he had Jazz's way with words. "What happened?”

“She and dad were in the Caribbean." Tim let out a huff. "I didn’t even know they were in the Caribbean.”

Danny made a noise to indicate he was listening, but waited for Tim to continue.

“There was a local villain named Obeah man. He captured them and held them ransom. Gave them some water to drink at some point, but… it was poisoned. By the time Batman got there, it was too late. Mom died.” Tim gave another half-hysterical laugh. “And my dad is in a coma. He may never wake up.” His voice trailed off.

Danny swallowed. How does anyone respond to news like that? “I’m so sorry, Tim. How are you holding up? What’s going to happen now?”

“The funeral is in two days. Bruce is organizing it. And I’m going to stay with him, I guess. He said he’d be happy to foster me until my dad gets better.”

“Shit, Tim. Text me during the funeral if you need to.”

“I might take you up on that. You won’t mind?”

“Of course not. Every 5 seconds if you need to.”

“Distract me. What’s going on in your life? I don’t want to think about any of this anymore.”

“Oh, uh, all right. Are you sure?”

“Please, Danny.”

“If you change your mind, interrupt me anytime.” Danny chewed his lip. What on earth could he talk about in response to news like that? The test he had in English last week? That sounded so trite. “I did start karate training with…” he trailed off before he could say his mom. “Anyway, it’s going all right. I’ve basically only been taught basic moves. I only get lessons two or three times a month so it’s slow going.”

Tim’s voice was still shaky, but he seemed to latch onto the topic to Danny’s relief. “You really have to give it your all if you want to succeed. Have you learned the basic stances and things?”

“Some, I think.”

“Hold those positions. Stand in your room and just hold them for ten minutes at a time. And practice the same punch over and over. Even if your m—” Tim’s voice caught and he changed course “—instructor can’t make it. Would you be allowed to sign up for classes? Get something more consistent?”

“We don’t have the money.” Danny bit back the embarrassment he felt at admitting that. Tim was rich-rich and never had to worry about things like bills. “Ghost hunting doesn’t really pay. My parents are at least good engineers so they can fix our own appliances and vehicles. Sometimes dad or mom will fix stuff for the neighbors for some extra money.”

Tim hummed in understanding and didn’t push the issue. “How did they even get into ghosts to begin with?”

“If we ever end up in the same place, you are not allowed to ask that directly to my parents. Don’t mention ghosts at all. They won’t stop talking for hours. As for how they got into it… Dad’s always believed in the supernatural. He could’ve just as easily started tracking big foot or the Loch Ness Monster. But he met mom in university and she was stuck on ghosts. Dragged him in, too. And he’s obsessive. Once he decides on something, that’s it.

“They were both studying the supernatural and had to decide what to focus on for their doctoral research. Mom’s hated ghosts since she was a teenager. Apparently she and a friend were dared to go into a haunted house one Halloween. She doesn’t talk about it much, but her friend died that night. She blames the ghosts and has dedicated her life to hunting them ever since.”

Tim clicked his tongue. “Wow. It almost makes sense with that back story.”

Danny snorted. “Ghosts aren’t real. I dunno what killed her friend, but it wasn’t a ghost. Wish they’d decided to hunt Bigfoot instead.”

“Really? Why do you say that?”

Danny looked out his window and stared at the setting sun. “If they were hunting bigfoot, we’d probably go camping more often. And I like camping. You get the best views of the stars that way.”

“What’s your favorite constellation?”

“That’s like asking who my favorite Star Trek character is! There’s too many to choose. But do you know the folk history of Polaris? It’s why I chose my username.” Danny talked to Tim about the stars and space until Alfred called him away for dinner. They made plans to talk online again later.

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Next

Now, I have a question for y'all. I was planning on finishing the entire work then publishing on a once a week basis until finished (or twice a week if I had more chapters than I expect). I've got the first chapter mostly done, just need to rewrite one section and change a few lines elsewhere. I also have the next 1.5 chapters mostly done on a first draft. I could start posting now, but I can't guarantee a posting schedule and I'll probably have to take a hiatus or two as I plan to get a new job and move sometime in the next few months.

So my question, do you want me to post now or wait? It'll probably be several months if not a year before I finish depending on how long I take and how many other projects catch my eye.

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In other news, the creator of the original prompt started their own fill, too! If you read mine, I am requiring you to check theirs as well because it is amazing 💕. Tumblr Link and AO3 Link

Tag List

@gremlin-bot, @bonebrokebuddy, @britcision, @lady-time-lord-, @welcometosasakiworld, @akikkobara, @phoenixdemonqueen, @dolfay, @skulld3mort-1fan, @we-ezer, @markus209, @sjrose1216, @onyxlightdragon, @dragonsrequiem, @jesus-camp-the-sequel, @spidey29phangirl, @kyrianclawraith, @evilminji, @introvert-even-on-the-internet, @emergentpanda-blog, @lexdamo, @v-inari, @idontgetpaidenoughforthisshit, @longlivethefallen

I removed the names of some people who requested a tag back in November but didn’t interact with the last snippet I shared. Since it’s been so long, I wasn’t sure if you were still interested. I’ll be more than happy to add anyone else, re-add anyone I took off, or take off anyone who doesn’t want future tags! Or start a separate list just for after there’s an AO3 link. Just let me know!

[glitchotic]

heard ya have some lego movie headcanons (interested)

Ooughhhh i have soo manyyy.... for example this one's technically not a hc but does anyone else ride or die for fat/chubby emmet??? i mean i already always hc'd as being a bit overweight but adding on the fact that rex says hes "chiseled features were hidden under "baby fat"" just totally solidifies chubby emmet for me. additionally, people who are afraid to draw wyldstyle/lucy as buff make me sooo irritated especially in her apocalypse form like omfg theyre parodying mad max rn and you dont think shed be built like a brick house (no pun intended) rn? but okay sure. i guess you could make the argument of "well she needs to be sneaky and well hidden" as if her ex boyfriend isnt literally batman who is ripped and does that shit but i digress. i've discussed this in my benny/metalbeard post but metalbeard being a tech freak is mad underrated of a headcanon to me, i think him geeking out over new tech just makes so much sense to me bc i firmly believe metalbeard wants to have the most swashbuckling, most advanced pirate ship of the sea. especially considering when queen whatevra offered an entire planet sized ship for him and he added on things like a keyboard to his build and he just seems like hes always open to new technology and ideas. SPEAKING OF QUEEN WHATEVRA. technically more abt mayhem, i sooo hc her as being like a raver/kandi kid/scene girl type idk something abt her design to me screams "i listen to dj s3rl" I ALSO THINK SHE MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH LUCYS ORIGIN BECAUSE HOW DID SHE KNOW HOW TO REMOVE THE SHARPIE FROM HER HAIR HRMMM?? PLUS THE FACT THE SYSTARIANS KNOW THAT POP MUSIC CAN AFFECT THE WAY PEOPLE THINK..... ADDITIONALLY THE DUPLONS SANG THE EVERYTHING IS AWESOME SONG........... MUCH TO THINK ABOUT HERE IS ALL IM SAYINNGGG... also i in general feel like no one talks abt mayhem/lucys relationship...... sorry but like tlm3 real needs to happen bc i want so desperately to see more of mayhem getting to know lucys story and being so invested and helping her heal and recover and full go back to her true self and ohgfggmmffg imaging how adorable the specialstyle interactions would be after emmet just being like "woagghh youre so beautiful" and shes like "this outfit is smaller than i remember..... kinda hurts"......... oh THIS ONEEE I NEVER SHUT UP ABT but UNIKITTYS CAT HALF IS A TIGER SHE IS HALF TIGER AND ULTRAKITTG IS PROOF!!! i think puppycorns dog half is a shiba cos of the curly little tail and his tendency to be air headed and goofy. i also think puppycorn and unikitty would b the type to use gen alpha slang to piss off master frown but thats me getting into my unikitty! headcanons lol.... ummmm .... i also really like audhd emmet and autistic benny but GUYSSS HEAR ME OUTTT SWEET MAYHEM GIRL AUTISM. think about it.... ermmm thats all i can think of rn i have more but its so hard to talk abt my hcs w out a specific prompt 💔😔

[1-up-chump]

Hello, I share your indignation about the new part of MK. Everything was changed too much and strangely. Can you write down the moments you didn't like? For example, I’m not happy with this whole situation with Kuai Liang - Scorpion, Tarkata - a disease, Raiden - Liu Kang 2.0, Fujin - Raiden’s sister, who is Kung Lao’s lover, seriously?

I WILL STATE that i have not bothered to look at everything myself but hear from reliable sources of the basic information of the game so i cannot give a full and fair critique. And i will not give this game anymore attention than i already have given it since it is just NOT a mortal kombat game.

Lets talk about the reasons you listed bc i agree.

Kuai liang as scorpion and in role reversal:

I am not a fan of this even remotely being "canon" Although the idea should be explored by fans WHO UNDERSTAND BOTH KUAI LIANG AND HANZO HASASHI AS CHARACTERS ORIGINALLY. It completely disrespects hanzo as a character and erases his connection to scorpion being a "gimmick thing to slap onto someone" as a title rather than a personal journey of meaning. And kuai deserves more respect as well, originally being an assassin whose clan tried to "modernize" by removing free will of warriors to ensure obedience and make their spirits and talents disposable. Trying to fight against that. It seems ironic in the end his fate is nothing more than to be toyed with by this unoriginal and uninspiring "role swap au lolz"

The tarkatan race being a disease:

I shouldn't even have to clarify how fucked up this is. Right after in mk 11 we saw tarkatans just being another race living in outworld minding their own business, and kotal fucking up (kotal khan is a wasted character but thats for another post) so we got what was once a "bad guy evil race" to something better. AND THEN THEY FUCKED IT UP AGAIN like isnt that, at best, the most tone deaf shit after what happened in real life with a certain disease and people being uber racist??? And dont get me started on how they messed up mileena with that too. (God damn the writers fucking hate her just as much as kung lao)

Raiden role reversal:

Let me tell you as a raiden enjoyer i fucking HATE them making him a basic ass protag like they did with liu kang (i love liu but lately they just removed all personality from him) its so fucking uninspiring and boring as shit AND THEY MAKE HIM CHAMPION INSTEAD OF KUNG LAO???? THE ABSOLUTE DISRESPECT WHAT THE FUCK i love raiden but he doesn't deserve champion title, that belongs to KUNG motherfucking LAO.

Fujin being a sister????:

Listen i havent seen it but this is the dumbest ass shit i have ever seen in my entire life. As if they couldn't show how little they actually care about fujin......

And the shallow fans who care little about fujin other than a "pretty fuck toy to do teh yaois with uwu" which is also what they did to shang tsung now which is like YOU FOOLS! CARY HIROYUKI TAGAWA-SAMA IS RIGHT FUCKING THERE!!! YOU SEXUALIZE HIM WHEN HE'S AN OLD MAN TOO OR YOU'RE A COWARD AND A SHAM!

And then there's the absolute nothing plot that really shows they ran out of ideas and just slap together bullshit. The villains arent really villains and they suck, its just "stop evil shang tsung but hes not actually evil bc theres this other timeline-" ITS FUCKING LAZY AND PATHETIC WRITING it shows that they want to have it all just to appease fans to take their money. Thats it, thats all this story boils down to. A shoddy scam to bullshit a story to take people's money. I mean you cant even get shang tsung or marjory of fan desired characters without dlc and the base game is like 60-70 bucks like the fuck????

As a regular fighting game? Mid but enjoyable i guess. But as a mortal kombat game? No, thats not even mortal kombat thats just some dumbasses wattpad fanfic after they watched avengers endgame in their crusty batman shirt

I'll end this with a small side note: if my opinions offend, I'm sorry im passionate about a series that was a part of my childhood and made me appreciate Japanese and Chinese culture and kung fu cinema in general. Im sorry if the memories of playing a fun game and caring about the characters having strong bonds of friendship in a violent world designed to be a "kill or be killed" system and despite that choosing to do the right thing in their mind.

Sorry if i seem to be playing a different game bc i am.

Its mortal kombat: shaolin monks for the ps2

-gets head ripped off-

[lazaruspiss]

!!! ok first of all thank u for the food, nom nom eating this post up rn

Second of all i hope u dont me adding a handful of notes as i reread this a few times bc it is Gold

BiB. my absolute beloved.

Jason: Wow! My bestest big brother killed someone who deserved it, so now I (the person he's rejecting only because I kill people who deserved it) have a real chance at being his family again!! :D Hooray! :) Dickie-Bird why don't you look happy to see me? :) Dickie-Bird I went out of my way to get us matching outfits and stalked your work and killed people in your name so it's nice and easy to make room for me in your life! :) :) :)

HEY. HEY REMEMBER WHEN I WENT "oh shit im starting to think jason might remind dick of blockbuster" bc AUGH. JASON. 'i'm killing people in your name! why arent you happy!' JASON. head in hands. BiB was so soon after but just long enough that the dust has technically settled enough that dick isn't as vulnerable as he could've been after all that. (every time i read a nightwing story i have to sit back and wonder how dick hasn't completely lost the will to live yet. and then i remember he already has but just feels too guilty to leave. maybe i should add a depression scale to my nightwing notes.)

i've read all of jason's appearances in B&R (2009) bc i wanted to check on some things about his and dick's dynamic and i absolutely loved it, i even have a little mini theory about the pill helmet look (which was cute as hell, haters can bite me): it's much closer to joker's red hood costume than any of jason's typical costumes! it feels purposeful, that alongside dick becoming batman comes jason (trying) to be his joker, not bc he's trying to actually emulate joker in any real way but bc he's trying to put himself in the "loving arch enemy" position with dickbats. or maybe i just have some brainrot about them, lol.

i do give B&R dami a pass to be a mildly bigoted shit bc ive babysat plenty of kids and esp at his age a lot of them just Say Shit, when it was from him i found it funny and endearing bc his age just kind of lends itself to dami saying shit like that w/o any real awareness of it. the actual writing and depiction of fat people/mental illness/queerness is pretty frustrating though. if it was just a weird 10 y/o being mean then it would make total sense to me, but the story itself perpetuates some pretty nasty shit. that said i still havent read it all the way through bc pyg makes me um. Feel Things. in my- ok yeah, TMI. B&R isnt good, but it is right up my fucked up little alley.

The romantic side plot with Artemis is... odd. Either the author, Scott Lobdell, intended to write Jason as a desperate loser trying to date his uninterested lesbian friend who he co-parents with, or he accidentally wrote a romance so awkward and comp-het that I cannot wrap my head around reading it as reciprocated. This works for me because I have a lot of fun reading Jason as a desperate loser who's not even actually in love with her, he just is desperate to cling to the closest thing he's ever gotten to a nuclear family and in denial about being either aro/ace or gay.

haha. me too jason. <-(aro queer who tried so hard to date. embarrassing.)

and i'm actually pretty interested to see how they handle bizarro, even more so as someone who has needed accommodations myself for mental functionality reasons. (the plus side of knight terrors: nightwing #2 being as bad as it was is that now if i run into ableism in comics i can go "at least its not that" lol. However they handle biz is bound to be better, that issue lowered the bar farther than i thought was possible for me.)

My Jason Todd Rec List and Character Manifesto!

This is a fuckin mess my ghouls, but I got categories and I got opinions and who can stop me from typing em out? Certainly not @lazaruspiss who is the reason this thing got made!

The format is gonna be

title and page numbers (No #s if I'm recommending the whole title) picture Summary and general notes My estimate of how unhinged he is in this portrayal What his morals are like; note this isn't about whether he's a protagonist or antagonist

Since cream rises to the top, let us start with:

The Creme de la Creme

The best of the best. The most fun, the most compelling, the most interesting looks into his character.

Green Arrow (2001) #69 - #72

This one really does have it all. Jason runs rings around both Batman and Green Arrow at the same time, all the while going after a goal neither of them ever truly figures out in large part because this story wasn't afraid to let Bruce be either wrong or lying about Jason's motives. It also wonderfully leverages the ways in which the Bats and the Arrows are really good foils for each other. I think I'm going to be turning over the ways these interactions went down for a long ass time. I've been really wanting to go page by page for a comparison between the way Jason treats Mia in this and the way Jason treats Tim in the Titans Tower showdown. Bottom line for this one: It's just so good!

Jason's sanity level: Six out of Ten hinges affixed. He's got a solid grip on things, is reasonably level headed, only problem is he might have completely forgotten how to interact with other human beings outside of combat. Love him for that.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Sympathetic Villain. Decidedly willing to mow down some "brain donors", and his goals are pretty morally grey, but he clearly still has a strong code of ethics.

Joker: the Man Who Stopped Laughing

With Jason's return to being an antagonist after a long stint in the Hero bin comes his return to being really fucking dangerous and whip smart! My boy quotes serious philosophy that gives him a real point to make against non lethal vigilantes and cops! I also think the part where he lets himself be arrested just... it says so much and all of it is wonderfully interesting and feels fitting for his character. He's kept deeply human, and just all of this portrayal gels together really well.

At the time of writing, this comic hasn't even been properly published yet, so I'm going off of like 9 issues in which he appears less than the Joker, but what is there is phenomenal.

Also I like that he's friends with my favorite, Stephanie Brown :3

Jason's sanity level: Nine out of Ten hinges affixed. Level headed, calm, careful, really the only reason this isn't a 10/10 is cause he's obsessively focused, which like, honestly is pretty reasonable I think.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Clearly Justified Antihero. I almost put down Hero on this one, but ultimately he is just far enough over the line with how he treats the less threatening of the rogues like Killer Moth.

Batman (1940) #408 - #411 Jason's debut featuring Ma Gunn's School and his first ever outing as Robin fighting Two-Face

Just LOOK at this PRECIOUS BOY! I wanna pinch him on his cheeks and give him a handful of these bad boys

Jason has a ton of personality to him right out the gate. The first story has Ma Gunn as the villain and she's a lot of fun. The second story in here with Two-Face is also enlightening with regards to Jason's early personality, even if it's not quite as fun.

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Hero.

Under the Red Hood would be next if it wasn't already filed under ->

Foundational Texts

This is the shit that defines Jason as a character. Much is mutable in any given comic, but somehow, someway, all depictions of Jason are impacted and informed by these three stories. Enough has been said about all of them that I'm gonna keep it brief.

Red Hood: The Lost Days

Jason's sanity level: Eight out of Ten hinges affixed.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Antihero. He kills some incredibly nasty people, while also doing some genuinely heroic shit. The only places where his morals deteriorate are in the presence of Batman and the Joker.

Under the Red Hood

Jason's sanity level: Four out of Ten hinges affixed. Remember how his morals deteriorated in the face of Batman and the Joker? Yeah, that's mostly because he's way, way too personally invested to think straight about them. He's strategic as fuck, but this is not a stable man's strategy for dealing with his issues.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Sympathetic Villain. He is a revenant, a vengeful juggernaut, and breaks an awful lot of eggs making this brilliant disaster of an omelette.

Batman (1940) #426 - #429 A Death in the Family

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Hero.

Joker becoming an ambassador to Iran plotlines count: One too many.

Solid Storylines

These ain't the vaulted heights, but not everything has to be the Sistine Chapel. They're solid, and if you're wanting more Jason I do certainly recommend them.

Countdown Presents: The Search for Ray Palmer and Countdown to Infinite Crisis

Jason is in what I like to call his Purposeless Depression Era during this. It's after his plans in Under the Red Hood fail and he's really just got no place to go, no place to be, and in fact is keenly aware that on a cosmic level, he truly does not belong in this world anymore. He's supposed to be dead. There's something I find quite neat about this team up, with Donna Troy and Kyle Raynor and Bob, it's out of the ordinary for Jason, it's not bat related, and the ways he fits and doesn't fit with the other characters are just neat.

I especially recommend Gotham by Gaslight. The plot will be a lil hard to follow if you haven't read the others, but Jason by the end hopes to return to Victorian Era Steampunk Gotham and the moments of him hoping to literally leave his universe behind are both sweet and sorrowful.

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed. He's just sad and lonely.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Hero. Even if only Donna is willing to tentatively try to see him that way.

Robin (1993) #177 and one page of #182 and the front half of #183

Despite how much Jason is known for it, I think this is the only time we see him trying to run organized crime outside of Under the Red Hood (and uh debatably Battle for the Cowl). Short lil string of appearances, but critical for understanding how he's seen by Tim during this era if you care about that, and it really cemented my understanding of Jason being strangely honest and forthright.

I think the major way other Bats fail to comprehend him is that they expect him to manipulate through lying, which just isn't his style. He doesn't lie about his motives; he doesn't obfuscate his tactics; he doesn't hide how he's feeling. Hell, he doesn't even try to lie his way out of prison! I could not tell you why this series of interactions gave me this impression but it is why I have such faith that when Jason says something, he probably just means it, even when characters like Dick or Tim assume otherwise.

Pity this was the lead up to Battle for the Cowl.

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed. He's even attempting to pick himself up out of his Purposeless Depression Era slump at the start.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Antihero.

Nightwing (1996) #118 - #122 aka Brothers in Blood aka the One Where Jason Gets Tentacles

COWARDS and KNAVES will tell you "the tentacles are so icky and everyone is so OOC" or whatever but again they are KNAVES and COWARDS because bitch this shit is GREAT

Jason: Wow! My bestest big brother killed someone who deserved it, so now I (the person he's rejecting only because I kill people who deserved it) have a real chance at being his family again!! :D Hooray! :) Dickie-Bird why don't you look happy to see me? :) Dickie-Bird I went out of my way to get us matching outfits and stalked your work and killed people in your name so it's nice and easy to make room for me in your life! :) :) :)

Dick:

Jason's sanity level: Two out of Ten hinges affixed. My mans is off his rocker and I adore him like this. Frankly, the entire storyline is unhinged, and it only feels appropriate that Jason is similarly bonkers in yonkers.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Villain. You can sympathize with him, and he is still trying to carry out justice, but I have to call it for straight villain when he's threatening to bomb a building full of innocent people.

Batman and Robin (2009) #23 - #25

I don't have much to say about this one. It's good. The above page is pretty much the highlight.

Wait actually I do have something to say and it is that I would like to lick Jason's abs, pls & thx, because the other highlight is that Winick clearly believes in redeeming Jason's value as a villain through sex appeal and it is working lmao

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed. Certifiably sane, he's passed all his psych exams!

Jason's moral compass bearing: Villain. He threatens to bomb a train station full of innocent people. While he does do that in service of freeing himself and Scarlet, thus making it not completely self centered, I still gotta put him firmly in Villain.

Nightwing (2016) 2021 Annual

In high contrast to the previous two in which Jason acts as a villain to Dick, this one has them working together and the tentative peace and cautious trust they've got going is interesting to me. This Team Z era Jason is interesting to me in general, though I don't know much about him.

Jason's sanity level: Nine out of Ten hinges affixed. He's quite chill, but there's just this little edge to him that says his relationship to violence is a little too casual a little too deep to really be fully hinged.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Edgy Hero.

Your Mileage May Vary

These stories I can't recommend without major caveats or warnings, but I still think are worth mentioning.

Batman: Three Jokers <- I read it while typing this up, so I got a lotta thoughts

Guh, this one is just fucking sad

So, I don't mind a story being blunt with its message as long as the message actually holds up. Unfortunately, this three parter's attempt at the cycle of violence lesson is... bad. Real bad.

Jason in it is neat! This is a good Jason portrayal somehow despite literally everything about the way this comic frames him! The narrative expects us to believe he is a danger to society on the cusp of becoming another Joker, because he *checks notes* shot the Joker dead, shot at a Joker loyal guy, and roughly interrogated an injured child abuser. At no point does he show signs of wanting to hurt innocent people. At no point does he show signs of doing any hurting without premeditation or a need to defend himself. I'm baffled by this.

My kingdom for a fucking CRUMB of nuance, I swear, smh...

I hear a lot of people hate his one sided romance towards Barbara. This is understandable as it squanders the opportunity to have a female character not be stuck as the narrative sponge for man emotions. I like it from the perspective of a Jason fan, and give condolences for the Barbara fans. It's not healthy, and good fucking job on the janitor sweeping away his letter to her so poor Babs doesn't have to deal with that shit, but I do like Jason's desperation to be loved by someone, anyone, who might show him compassion.

Jason's sanity level: Six out of Ten hinges affixed. He's sad, he's lonely, he needs some PTSD specific therapy, he's a bit creepy about his crush on Barbara, but quite frankly he has it together a lot more than the narrative would like us to believe. The way the other characters treat him like he's some kind of monster just waiting to snap and start maiming people indiscriminately makes me really uncomfortable.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Antihero. Quite frankly I'm tempted to say Hero out of spite.

Red Hood and the Outlaws (2016) #1 - #43

There are three transcendental character moments in this run that I think make it worth reading even if not all of it's your cup of tea. On the other hand though there are some big issues that could very easily be deal breakers. Oh and anything after #43 is a wasteland and #43 is included purely for the implication that being transgender made a woman immortal.

The narrative structure is really heavily dependent on rule of emotional impact/cool/allegorical usefulness. Many events will not make any fucking sense based on petty things like basic logic or the laws of physics, but they do work just fine in the area of what makes the story more fun or the emotional beats hit harder. Stronger than average suspension of disbelief is necessary for the reward of getting a lot of stuff that's, like, just really fuckin cool.

The romantic side plot with Artemis is... odd. Either the author, Scott Lobdell, intended to write Jason as a desperate loser trying to date his uninterested lesbian friend who he co-parents with, or he accidentally wrote a romance so awkward and comp-het that I cannot wrap my head around reading it as reciprocated. This works for me because I have a lot of fun reading Jason as a desperate loser who's not even actually in love with her, he just is desperate to cling to the closest thing he's ever gotten to a nuclear family and in denial about being either aro/ace or gay.

Now, lets explore a lil bit of the whole Jason is a loser angle, cause it's not the whole story, there are many points in which Jason gets to be a badass motherfucker, but he is much, much less of the hypercompetant, highly determined, murderous threat he used to be. Almost none of the newer renditions of Jason are. This Jason in particular though is very soft and cuddly, and fits the archetype of man trying to be the edgy bad boy but who secretly just wants a hug and a warm glass of milk.

If I were to describe my personal Jason in a few sentences I would say that he is someone who loves himself viciously. He feels he has been wronged and is willing to burn down the world to rectify that. He will hold your ass at gunpoint and demand the hugs and warm glasses of milk that he fucking well deserves!

This Jason is about as far away from that as you can possibly get. I still like him though, and I do not count him as being a different character, because when you start with emotional logic that goes like this:

It wasn't my fault + I deserve better = I get to burn the world down in order to get better

It becomes extremely difficult to ever stop burning the world without also deciding "It was my fault" or "I don't deserve better". Jason is meant to have changed a lot, and this is a plausible evolution of the Jason I prefer.

Finally, the handling of Bizarro, a mentally disabled character, is a sensitive enough topic that your mileage will vary, even if I can't think of a bad thing to say about it. Jason and Artemis are really pretty good about treating him with respect, giving him help where he needs it and autonomy where he's capable of taking it. They raise him, but don't control him, and he is literally three days old when they find him so this isn't infantilization. It takes the framing of Lenny from of Mice and Men and Flowers for Algernon and rejects them in a way that I am satisfied with. You'll just have to read it for yourself to see if you're satisfied as well.

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed. I kinda wish he was more unhinged.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Hero. He even saves a puppy and gives them pats.

Knight Terrors: Robin

Have you ever been in the mood for a syrupy sweet hurt/comfort fanfiction in which Jason and Tim were magically forced to talk about how much they like each other in order to overcome their own insecurities? Do you wish that existed as a lavishly illustrated two issue comic?

If you answered yes to those two questions then congratulations! It does exist, this is it, go have fun!

If you think that sounds like ham fisted garbage turning what should be several long arcs of serious reconciliation and deeply meaningful character moments into two issue fan service schlock then condolences! I wish you all the best in denial, as all comic fans sail that river sooner or later and I shall join you upon it someday.

What category do I fall into? Well I think this is definitely ham fisted, but I won't kick a boar out of bed as long as they ain't a bore, and this little ditty is certainly entertaining.

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed.

Jason't moral compass bearing: Hero.

Batman and Robin Eternal

This is a decent portrayal of Jason in his modern, much friendlier, and much more bat family integrated rendition. He has some fun moments in it, and I like his staby bracers.

I don't like this comic. It commits the most dire of writing sins: Being boring. I think about Jason every second of every minute of every day; if your comic that majory features a good portrayal of him cannot hold my attention, then something has gone very wrong. Hopefully one of you will like it more than I do.

Jason's sanity level: Ten out of Ten hinges affixed.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Hero.

A Hot Take

I bet you thought the tentacles were the hot take! HAH! MuahahaahhHAHAHAH - Prepare now, puny mortals, to witness me defend Pill Helmet Jason AND his fashion choices!

No, I am not talking about Winick's redo late in the game, we've already been over that one. I mean I will defend Grant Morrison's flop era, three foot head gear wearin, goofy ass, unwashed ass, "how to build ur brand" reading maniac

It's time to talk about Batman and Robin (2009) #1 - #6

The interpretation of one scene makes or breaks this Jason:

If you believe he is being insincere and manipulating her into putting all her emotional eggs in the basket of his crusade, ignoring her wellbeing in favor of his 'brand', then this is probably the worst mischaracterization of Jason ever written.

If you believe he is being sincere, genuinely comforting her in the only way that he's got to deal with his own trauma, giving her real affection and not pushing her to take either option with the mask because he trusts her to make that decision for herself, then this gets Jason very right.

No matter what Morrison might have intended, I choose to believe it's the latter. This is terrible advice to give a trauma victim, but it makes perfect sense for Jason to believe that about his own trauma, and thus to pass that maladaptive view along. He doesn't try to assure her that the mask can come off safely or that he'll get her a doctor because he really can't promise her either of those things. It would be cruel to her to pretend that he's got a solution. Jason can't undo the damage that was done to her any more than he can force a dead Bruce to kill the Joker.

Instead he offers her purpose, and reassurance that she's gonna look badass if she never does take it off, and protects her when she's in trouble.

You can claim this is just him acting out his chosen Hero role, but like, WHY would he have chosen to method act that role 24/7 if he wasn't trying to BE a Hero who protects people like Scarlet? There's nothing in it for Jason to fake this.

I also think if he was being written out of character as a manipulator we would have seen him use a romantic or sexual angle which he absolutely doesn't do.

Dickie, you are such a funny Batman, they never shoulda brought Bruce back tbh.

Instead, he seems to be taking a more parental role, in a near perfect reflection of how Bruce took him in when he was a kid. Just he's doing it his way, meaning that whenever Scarlet goes further with the violence than Jason seems to want to, he backs her up instead of chastising her.

Speaking of violence and morals, Let the Punishment Fit the Crime is a coherent moral position to take, even if you (understandably) disagree with it, or disagree with what punishments fit which crimes. It's basically the same moral position as every other version of Jason there's ever been! Like, is he even killing more people than he used to in stories like Under the Red Hood? No, I don't think he is.

The branding thing is weird, lil annoying too after a while, but ultimately it still makes sense. And brings me around to my promised defense of his fashion choices.

First of all the symbolic importance of the fact that he wears white cannot be overstated in my mind. Will I elaborate? No, this post is way too long already lmao! Second off, it's supposed to be silly. I believe the silliness was a conscious, calculated choice, and the right one to make.

Jason doesn't believe that fear works, he's not trying for pure intimidation, and he knows that he's going to have to appeal to people in his bid to be seen as a Hero. Making himself seem big but non-threatening, a bright patch in the night, makes real sense.

Take a look at this view of Jason from Scarlet's POV when he comes to rescue her from the cops after she kills her dad:

He's got a smoking gun in his hand and he just shot two people dead, yet we're hard fuckin pressed to find him intimidating aren't we?? Cornball dialogue, and the silliest fuckin hat in the universe, because he's not meant to be from this era, he's emulating the Golden and Silver age comics and all their goofiness. He's trying to be the older, happier, sillier batman that used to exist (at least in his head), while doing what he believes is right and necessary.

The costume makes sense dammit!

Also it just doesn't look bad, I can't provide an argument for this, it's just true!!

Also also every one of these fuckers should be wearing a helmet too, this is basic brain safety, if you're gonna go around antagonizing fuckers with guns you need to make your head at least nominally bulletproof, it's that simple!!!

Now... do I recommend you read this? Well, Jason shares panel space with such characters as:

The living embodiment of the F-slur

A sneer directed at fat and genderqueer people

And our main villain: Schizophrenia is Evil + Transes are Scary

I do have the sneaking suspicion that Jason isn't interested in Scarlet in part to imply that he's gay, and I think that mostly because of how consistently every other villain is made queer.

I cannot in good conscience recommend something this openly bigoted to the vast majority of people. It's also besides that just... not terribly good. The writing is B tier at best. Pyg is probably the most likable element other than Dick tbh. Scarlet is also pretty neat, I like her. Damian is... okay. Uhhhhh Jason is not likable. I will defend this as a valid rendition of his character, but he's not likable pretty much at all in this.

However.

There are some people I know who I would recommend this to. They're all other queer people who enjoy grotesque, violent, provocative presentations of queerness as much as I do.

Reading it did not ruin my day, and it does not stoop to the ultimate low of being boring. If I had to reread this or Batman and Robin Eternal, I would reread this in a heartbeat, no competition. If you can find enjoyment in stuff like the Silence of the Lambs' sequel and prequel movies, you can find enjoyment in this.

Jason's sanity level: One out of Ten hinges affixed. Obsessive, not taking care of himself, possessed of some really maladaptive trauma coping frameworks, completely unhinged. My condolences to his mental health, but I do love to see it.

Jason's moral compass bearing: Antihero. It's weird because this is undeniably a much darker comic, and Jason certainly feels darker, but in terms of what he actually does, and what the other characters do, his violence is honestly very tame.

So, cards on the table, here is the core of who Jason is to me:

He's got clear moral motives and a drive to help as well as harm.

When confronted he does not back down; he does not let himself be overshadowed or silenced. He is confident in his decisions and every bit of push back is already accounted for in his head.

Everything he does is premeditated. He is not impulsive whatsoever.

He is painfully sincere, the way fire is painfully hot.

He desperately desires love and connection, but it will take many years of constant rejection and fighting before he is willing to accept any kind of compromise to his ethics for the sake of civility.

Under all the hurt and combativeness, he's a pretty goofy guy! He's got a sense of fun and likes to be flamboyant and silly when he can!

He's a villain, a hero, a protagonist, an antagonist, and everything between the extremes. He exists as a powerful counter-thesis to Batman, and as such DC can't ever fully answer the question of what to do with him. He exists in this waffling limbo state as his morals are debated, stretched, refuted, turned on their head. I think that makes him a wonderfully fascinating character to love.

I hope you enjoyed this and, like, go have fun reading comics!

[flashflashhundredyarddash]

flashfam and birdflash because im WEAKKK

so barry and iris take wally in because rudy is a FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT

lets imagine this happens early teens or so

wally never even comes out to his dad because he just. Knows exactly what his parents would think

he kind of. subtly tried to bring it up with his mom but she made her opinion Pretty Damn Clear so wally is like great this is awesome

as a result of both the superspeed + switching cities + adhd wally has practically 0 friends growing up which really concerns barry and iris

so barry is like, babe, i have a fantastic idea, im going to set up a playdate with batmans kid

and iris is like I GUESS

(also the way wally behaves in a relationship is 100% modeled after barry and iris because they literally have the perfect relationship. see exhibit a) babe as a pet name)

((this is also probably why hes a little upset when he finds out about barry and hal because its like. you think you understand your parents and then they hit you with this massive bombshell that kind of forces you to change your whole perception of them? and even though nobodys done anything wrong its still really upsetting? and maybe if wally had known earlier that barry was bi wally wouldnt have been so fucking stressed out about coming out?))

anyways. robin and kid flash playdate. a meeting for the ages.

wally gets a crush like. right away but doesnt realize so he oscillates WILDLY between being REALLY nice to robin and also being kind of fucking mean lol wally was very much pulling robins pigtails

like one day wally shares half his ants on a log that iris made him with robin and then the next he puts gum in robins hair and robin cries while alfred cuts it out

robin is like UGH kid flash is SO MEAN and bruce is like you dont have to hang out with him and robin is like NO IM GONNA

wally gets out of the mean phase quickly though lol

barry and iris realize right away its a crush and are like aw cute but then it... doesnt go away... ever...

so then they go REALLY hard on the PFLAG thing and keep like brochures and pride flags EVERYWHERE which actually does make wally a lot more comfortable

when wally comes out they all cry lol

wally calls barry and iris uncle and aunt but when hes much older he switches between aunt/uncle and mom and dad

anyways when dick leaves bruce/is fired/complicated feeling stuff dick spends most of his time at titans tower BUT also spends a significant amount of time at barry and iris' place

because the westallen household is adhd central, dick actually learns a lot of tips for dealing with his own adhd from them

dick is trying to Figure out his place in the world so he actually gets really into the journalism scene for a while because of both iris and clark

iris: hi this is my nephew, dick, hes my intern :)

clark: no, this is MY nephew, hes MY intern :)

lois bugs bunny meme: OUR nephew-intern

wally Does Not get it at all bcus he is 100% a STEM kid but hes still like i support you babe :^)

barry and iris LOVE dick. dick doesnt really open up about his situation but they kind of get the gist so barry is like. really annoyed with batman whenever they have to work together

iris writes a very scathing series of articles about the batman of gotham and dick is very vindictively pleased

dick actually finds out about hal and barry first bcus he comes downstairs and theyre making out on the couch and and dick is like UHHHH and halbarry are like UHHHHHHHH and dick is like I AM CALLING IRIS RIGHT FUCKING NOW and halbarry are like NO ITS COOL

iris is like. Mom supreme. dick for the past decade has had like no mother figures (selina doesnt really count because her and bruce are messyyyyy) so he both really wants iris's affection and also gets really overwhelmed by it

also barry. like, isnt emotionally constipated? wally tells dick that the west allens have weekly dinners where they talk about whats up with them and their feelings and dick is like aw thats cute and then wally is like dick u should join us and dick is like WAIT NO THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT

so dick is now required to be at family dinners once a month and talk about his feelings which is both exhausting and liberating

barry cries at the wedding and iris is like I Am Not Crying How Dare You Imply That I Am.

bruce and iris. the most begrudging in-laws. everytime bruce sees iris hes immediately reminded of the phrase "The Batman is a violent, depressed loner who gets his thrills by beating up homeless people and drug addicts." and its like jesus fucking christ iris way to gut the man

iris 100% uses the fact that shes dick graysons mother-in-law aunt-in-law to get sources. its a dog-eat-dog world out there, kid.

dick adores the twins bcus he loves babies

wally gets SO annoyed by bart its very funny to dick. wally and dick both grew up as only children but dick has had more time to adjust to having siblings so hes much more fond of bart than wally initially is

[mattelektras]

in your opinion what’s ur top 4 worst dc writers and top 4 worst marvel writers (and maybe top writers too for both?)

even writers i'd put at the top i have issues with sometimes or im not willing to commit to them being good for the future i dont wanna get too friendly w these bitches

tbh most writers write for both marvel and dc (and other stuff) so theres only rly one list and it’s more than 4 because i’m jessie, 25, and i never learned how to shut the fuck up

frank miller - has wronged me personally as well as just. being a bad person and that showing in his writing

dan slott - will see a spiderman franchise doing perfectly fine, ask who is going to fuck this up for the rest of time? and not wait for an answer

grant morrison - just never seems to care about the history of the character theyre writing. like there's jsut no substance because they pretty much do whatever they want regardless of the consequences

charles soule - has wronged me personally. writes comics for years and fails to convince me even once that he likes the character

scott lobdell - just. a fucking idiot. just dumb as all fuck w the atrocious choices he makes in his writing. an honest to god moron

dc: tom king - just writes in circles whist thinking he's saying something profound. he isnt

chuck austen - makes some balls to the walls insane choices no one asked for. sees a woman, fuckin floors it. yes she hulk SHOULD fuck juggernaut and anyone who disagrees doesnt understand redemption

bendis - just. wildly shifts from writing good shit and then some absolute nonsense. often tries to take established characters in new directions and it WORKS sometimes ie daredevil identity reveal but other times its a shitshow ie mcu tinged guardians

brian azzarello - edginess isnt a skill. i would know

favourites that i like but exist eternally on thin ice

mark waid - basic action superhero genre shit w a real intelligence and thoughtfulness which is what makes comics more than just silly little picture books sometimes

ed brubaker - has a classic spy brand throughout all of his books without it being repetitive or boring or out of place

ann nocenti - really DEVELOPS her characters. no character shes ever written has been the same at the end of her run. you believe that theyre really gone through some shit

greg rucka (elektra vol 2 notwithstanding. i do not perceive it) - just fuckin. GOOD honestly. innovative stories without the need for continuity events, care about what hes writing

peter milligan - this is a me thing i think. i just find his writing kinda comfy. ive read elektra vol1, justice league dark vol 1, xstatix more times than i can count. theyre nothing universe changing or groundbreaking and they dont really matter in the grand scheme but i have Fun. his red lanterns book give me bleez content. i owe him my life

john byrne - his superman stuff has real like. soul. and u cant write superman without it. ppl talk about frank miller ~~~~defining batman or daredevil or whatever but byrne's superman is what Defining a character looks like imo

[toadstool32]

im delirious i just had a GREAT idea this requires having terminal homestuck brain and also liking the idea of batman being fucked up in a funny way. putting this under a read more bc i want u to choose to ruin ur day

ok so like are your familiar with spicyyetis davekat halloween special? well i hope you are now.

ok now are u familiar with bruce wayne? are you familiar of his habit of accidentally acquiring kids left and right and also his perfect mental health?

ok now are you seeing what im seeing

im thinkiong like years in the future like im p sure there was a panel of bruce telling stories to one of his grandchildren like it was very cute right hand on im pulling up the panel

Batman Lost #1 a tie in for dark knights metal

do you see that those are kids , little children running around the manor with an old man bruce just chilling in his murder mystery office, this is the best thing i have ever seen.

so like ideally bruce would have a very happy life retired and with all the rest of the bats taking over in crime fighting n shit and his sons and daughters however many he gets are gonna fill the place with kids eventually bc picking up strays is like, a bat requirement u know, however, im not thinking in a positive way or even a coherent way.

back to YM&O did u see old man dave hoarding kids in a very lonely mansion bc of his fear that the kids are one day gonna be the nly thing that will remind him of the loev of his life or whatever yeah you see where im goin with this.

like i can see it perfectly in my minds eye bruce trying to cope with yknow life and stuff n finally accepting that hes not a one man show and maybe as he gets older hes like alright i gotta, take care of myself? and no matter how much my kids may hate me at times and try to shot me i know they love me and they would be Very Sad if they had to bury me, like , again i mean and so hes like well now im old and trying out this taking care of myself now what and hes like oh i know ill take care of the kids and then at the start dick is like weird but ok better late than never!!! i guess!! but oh wait actuyally sorry old man i cant hang out but u can hang out with timmy and damian ok bye have fun and at this point evryone is like almost thirty and are like trying to subtly get away from bruce bc they were raised independently and also theyre grownups damnit (cass is a treasure so she hangs out but also she knows whats up its chill) and then it expands to the other kids like he starts trying to act as this doting old fatherly figure (hes goin senile its what is HAPPENING) and its not until dick is like haha have u heard jason just got kids following him around thats cute and bruce is like YES THATS IT like he gets hardcore empty nest syndrome except the nest was always kinda full u know? thi pile of leaves and bird shit is gonna overflow,anyway like a few months later dick comes back and theres Horrors tm in Manor bc bruce definition of kid isnt constrained by like, species,(do you think jarro would want more siblings?)

so like the house is packed with kids, all sorts of kids, some arent even kids, some are straight up science experiments and bruce is like I Love My Family :) alfred has been dead for over 30 years and yet bruce finds the way to drag his ghost back to the house so they can coo at the kids together (alfred look at my new daughter isnt she cute yes master bruces shes quite charming what will all the eyes, yes youre right she is) jarro is having fun having siblings but he still tries to win bruces attention , cass is almost encouraging bruce to get more kids (i want a new sister) tim and damian are scared but in different ways jason went there once and said Not My problem (hes also scared) barbara doesnt know the extent of the problem and is just amused the titrans know and dick is the last to know (but only bc i find it funny) if u ask what about duke i dont wanna inflict this hell on him he scaped early amen also the justice league either enables him or is subtly trying to stop him (it is. not working)

[batarangsoundsdumb]

hae interrogationes multae respondeant quia demens .

if you read this entire ask post you deserve a gold star and financial recompensation

Um, Obviously because when you’re adopted by a white guy you automatically become white duhhh

this is about this post lmao and yeah youre absolutely right, you have to hand your poc card in when you get adopted by a white guy.

Do you think Cass would listen to Yanni, the YouTube channel epic symphonic rock, or some other stuff? There's some cool mashups but idk if that's up your alley, I kinda feel like I'm pushing it with my weird taste of music by recommending an orchestra cover of metal, but i just love that sort of thing and mashups :P @harvestyourcherries 

i haven’t heard of that? but in my personal (correct) opinion steph listens to classical music, and then both modern and older, and then also stuff like black sabbath, iron maiden, but also hardrock and hardcore. i like the idea of cass just liking the most extreme screaming songs full of noise and then also listen to pachelbel’s 370th sonata yanno? THANK YOU for the rec tho

speaking of ur cass playlist hc...reminds of the time (yesterday) i found 2 playlists randomly on spotify from the same user. one was abt 3 hours of instrumental/classical "dark" & "nostalgic" music. the other almost 11 hours of nothing but hardcore bass/synth/electronic music. just an incredible tightrope act to put on in public. the synth one was also called like "psalms for synth sluts" which is Also incredible

tbh i LOVE synth SO MUCH like for no reason at all but then also cannot handle a poppy electronic beat lmao. but this seems like the kinda thing i’d do but just in one (1) playlist bc i just sort songs by vibe instead of genre? that’s how i end up with britney spears and billy ray cyrus in the same playlist. 

Oh, I want Kate Kane playlist next! It would be amazing if you could do one when you have time and will 🙏

how rude would it be of me to just say no? like sorry kate but idk you and also you seem way too keen on the us military for an institution that homophobically targeted you? (and also commits war crimes) but let’s unpack the fact that the institution that caused the death of your mom and sister and also got you blacklisted for being gay is still one you align with???

'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' --- when i tell you i fucking screamed LOL!!!!!!! i can imagine the cameraman not knowing if he should cut to commercial or keep it on these two weirdos fighting on stage (bruce definitely ruffled dick's hair/noogied him right?? 

about this post but yeah lmao. this cameraman just turns to like the audience to get a reaction and it’s just multiple moments of CLEAR shock.

you are the only funny person on this hellsite

how egotistical is it for me to say that i get this ask multiple times a month? bc it literally happens so often it’s hilarious to me.

Wish there was more john/Bruce content 😔😔😔 was so hungry I actually looked at canon media 😔😔😔 (Justice League Dark babeeeyyyyyy)

check out batman: damned for some mediocre content but at least it’s john/bruce (also very interesting story and stuff, just got very >:( over this weird part where harley quinn tried to r*pe bruce or something? it’s not for everyone)

dick grayson but he's nicki minaj

his anaconda don’t want none,,, unless...... 

Dick Grayson was never a cop, he played Marshall on Paw Patrol

you are SO right. also paw patrol is a fucking good show idc. that shit could’ve been the new steven universe on this hellsite.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS1lI0bLI7-/?utm_medium=copy_link

...

why do people keep reposting my CONTENT. if you are not funny yourself don’t just grab shit off of tumblr and post it on insta,,, get a life. sidenote: should i start an insta and get all these ppl to take my content down that would be funny as hell.

Might I suggest for a Gotham City Meme: something about the true crime fandom thirsting for the rogues gallery

ok can i just say something slightly controversial?? no? i don’t find true crime ppl who are into criminals funny, that shits disturbing irl im not gonna bring that into my very chill universe.

i may have never seen a 'jason cleaning guns in sink' fic but i do know he WOULD

THANK YOU

bestie im sorry to say this to you but while you can, and people do wash their guns in the sink, that is a lot of lead in a very vital part of the kitchen.

people tend to do it in the bathtub.

WHY???? like damn why do you even have guns

i dont think i read many gun sink fics exactly but i have read lots of fics where jason cleanes his guns in the living room. usualy dissembles them and cleans them with a rag i think

lmao fair enough, like i think that’s a large part of what i remember as well.

if you say you've seen/read gun sink fics I believe you. I think those of us who didn't see them are lucky or maybe didn't search for fics by tags or something idk

i mean ive never sought them out but i HAVE seen them,, like definitely i know almost for certain.

saw your tags and I'm interested in Steph/Kara now. They would be the most chaotic couple <3

literally thoooo, i have a wip where they get together in a zombie apocalypse and like UGGGHhhh i am so in love with them.

I am the Breece anon. Thanks for the recommendation; am reading now. I’ve always been a hardcore Superman fan because I love my pure himbo farm boy. My logic is, if one Bruce is a Broose, then multiple Broose are a herd of Breece. And this is a hill upon which I will perish.

fair enough,,,, like moose, meese, goose, geese, bruce, breece. i get your logic and i stand by it as well. (glad you enjoyed the comic recs!!!!)

It's a beautiful day in Gotham, and you are a group of horrible Breece

OH my god dude lmao

there only being 42 fics on ao3 for tim and bernard is honestly so sad i need more

it’s like twice that now!!! we did it lads. (tho very sad that my fic isnt number one but like number 4 :((((  )

i'm too late you already did the poll lol but may i suggest bethy (bernard + timothy)

shit dude that wouldve been so fucking funnyyyyy. think ppl have just stuck to timber tho, tim/bernard kinda died down recently and i think it’s too bad, they’re a great couple and i love them.

Wait, hear me out

Bernothy @redlightofdawn

great recommendation (lmao this ask is from like a month ago) but very sorry to announce that NARDTH is the superior shipname

Wait, we know that bernard likes milfs (Tim's step-mom) but what about dilfs? gilfs?

Wait no, I regret sending that ask

these were two seperate asks and they’re HILARIOUS. in my personal opinion tho,,, milfs, gilfs, dilfs are just about vibes and bernard is just attracted to sexy ppl who may sometimes be milfs, dilfs, or EVEN gilfs.

crime in bludhaven would drop to half if nightwing had a boob window. in this essay i will-

WHERE’S THE ESSAY ANON, WHERE’S THE FUCKING ESSAY

Wait if Barbra and Tim r at opposite ends at all times what happened to Barbra once everyone’s Tim’s ever love before started dying lol

she won a lottery ticket and spent 2 weeks on a resort in the bahamas before returning home and finding out that the joker was arrested for tax evasion and then spent a month staying at her big tiddie goth girlfriend’s house before conner came back to life and she broke her pinkie playing table hockey.

Why is the opposite end thing so funny and compelling to me. Tim comes back from his depression quest for Bruce and Babs is now a literal god

lmao when tim loses his spleen barbara reaches nirvana.

Are you still taking music recs because I have three songs that remind me of Jason that I think you'd like

send to me or lose a toe

🌸 ⭐ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. it’s time to spread positivity! ⭐🌸😋

thanks, i wont tho on account of i wont.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMduBy3Sr/

⬆️

This is the whole of Blüdhaven and everyone anywhere.

Nightwings ass alone saves more people in a calendar year and does more for so society than most heroes do their whole career.Also u are one of the funniest tumblr pages out there. The vibes are unmatched and the memes and tags ✨send me✨.Thank u and goodnight @julia-flow 

fanksss also lmao.

That's going to be a little bit difficult to explain, but

There's some music that you listen to and you think, "oh my gosh, I can perfectly imagine Dick Grayson singing this song, with the same voice as the singer because that voice matches with Dick Grayson"?

oh yeah totally lmao. i have a lot of songs that i think are just entirely dick grayson yanno? kind of all of my playlists have that vibe, but i really find bleachers to fit with dick? idk.

"Lois lane/Superman" fics this, "Lois lane/Clark Kent" fics that, (/lh) let's get into the real good stuff. Some people ship Lois, Clark, and Superman as a throuple. Most popular fic tag for sure

yes totally, i think they’d be absolutely killer on ao3 and clark gets so fucking embarassed about it.

I miss your post, hope you’re doing okay!!

haha this was like 2 months ago, but i was doing fine then too! just didn’t have a lot of inspiration in terms of content.

Doot doot!

noot noot

I’m confused. What did DC do now? Like with nightwing? And another sibling? Please spoil everything for me

lmao they gave him a secret sister plotline where they had his dad cheat on his mom with tony zucco’s wife, bc dick’s life wasn’t traumatic enough yet.

sorry but it's so funny that batman is called "the dark knight" when the gotham city baseball team is called the gotham knights. it'd be like if a vigilante was running around new york called like "the scary yankee"

lmaooo no. but like yankee comes from dutch names or something so wouldnt it be HILARIOUS if gotham knights came from like german names and bruce would be running around called the dark KLAUS UND NIEK @graysonnightwing 

(not a batcest shipper) it’s so funny to me that the responses are “i’m a batcest shipper because i can differentiate fiction from reality and and it doesn’t bother me personally, but i understand why you oils think it’s weird” to “i wish all batcest shippers a very fucking die”

yeah lmaoo. i personally basically flipped my entire stance around to ‘i dont care please leave me and everybody else alone’ bc i think there’s really no point in starting a moral dillema over some fucking fandom bullshit. Please just,,, go home,,, log off, find a nice forest to have a little walk in and remember that somewhere in history, somebody probably died in the place you’re standing. and you will also die someday, and somebody will have to look at your internet usage and see you fighting multiple people anonymously while being named ‘nightwingsbuttchin200186′ like... calm down, we’re all gonna die this is not the thing to worry about.

so since like "wards" don't really exist in modern society almost all the batkids are foster kids, right? i used to work in the system and imagine: monthly visits from social workers and guardian ad litems, bruce having to get permission to take the boys anywhere out of state, calling their social worker at like 8 a.m. like "yeah dick broke his arm again... a gymnastics accident this time...." their poor social worker. bruce send her a huge bouquet and box of chocolates every month to stay on her good side

i imagine the social worker just getting into the case like ‘yeah let’s get this kid a good guardian’ and then ending up having to work with 22 y/o bruce wayne and his 50 y/o dad. and so this social worker is like ‘okay we can work with this, this is the best home i can find’ and then like it ends up landing on its feet and then the kid gets adopted and then they get a call a year later like ‘uhm so hi, this kid tried to steal my tyres can i adopt him?’ and like 3 years later. ‘okay so basically, my neighbours’ kid imprinted on me and now they’re dead, can i keep him?’ two years later it’s like ‘okay so this assassin child-’

ever since I saw that one post of yours, the meme that's something like "I know that abba's backup dancer got me" with a picture of discowing, I've been haunted. Every once in a while I'll be minding my own business then the image of abba's backup dancer dick grayson aka nightwing aka discowing will flash in my mind and I'll be frozen in place. Today at work I was in the middle of folding clothes and suddenly once again discowing entered my mind and I suddenly lost the ability to see anything except He. Thank you.

wow. the IMPACT.

Braver than any US marine man props to you🤝

this shit is about the time i wrote an article on batcest, like man,,, the fact that i didn’t get cancelled is MIRACULOUS. also like,,, uh if anybody on here did gossip on me,, send screenshots i’d love to see it.

Hello, just wanted to say your article was great. Thank you for taking the time to provide an unbaised answer. It should provide people with nuances they couldn't possibly conjure on their own.

May I ask where your username originates from?

yes you may (also thanks!!!) i thought it up when i was trying to find an original username bc i didnt want to be called like ‘timdrakes something something’ or ‘jason todd something smoething’ or ‘dick grayson something something’ yanno? so i thought batarangs, they sound so dumb and that’s my username story... now it’s my whole entire brand lmao.

yno that bit in kick ass where red mist asks kick ass if he wants a hit of his blunt, was that the inspo for stoner tim

no? it’s bc i think stoners are hilarious and drugs are great. (dont do drugs tho) 

How would u feel if someone actually wore one of those bruce or ollie pride shirts u edited

fenomenal next question.

Dick as lil huddy and Jason as James gave me radiation poisoning and now I’m screaming crying throwing up so thx for that

(Rico suave as Tim is perfect tho literally no changes needed)

i was so funny for that shit wasn’t i??? lmao i loved those weird ass fancasts

You're doing the Lord's work by providing us with all these Gotham/Metropolis citizens memes, thank you for being so relentlessly funny @nellethiel-aranel

you’re welcome!! i really enjoy making memes, but getting validation for my content and my memes is REALLY nice.

Bruce is such a slut in your memes and honestly i love that for him @rhodey-rhudert-rhodes-main 

he’s that much of a slut irl too dw.

Bruce and Alfred have an emergency pride flag for the batkids. Oliver Queen printed an emergency "I love my gay son" t-shirt and as soon as Roy told him he was dating Jason, Oliver started wearing that shirt everyday and Roy always cringes when he sees it. Oliver also has an emergency "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt just in case for Cissie.

lmao YES i had a post like this bc like all of their kids/family members are so gayy

stop bringing back batfam fancasts it is not real it is not real it is not- 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

oh yes it is my darling.

did discowing burn down the notredam because he hates the bees? @allulily

no he did it bc fuck the french.

im gonna beg for 1 thing and 1 thing only. please please please put physical by olivia newton john on dick's playlist

okay then beg. bc i wont. physical reminds me too much of glee and that hurts me mentally.

your playlist is sorely missing some Madonna. Specifically Into the Groove, Like a Prayer, and Vogue

i’m scared of madonna that’s why she’s not on there. she haunts me in my dreams.

suggestion: son of batman by aaron dews for dick’s playlist🤩

sorry, i listened to it and the vibe didn’t agree with me.

Hear me out, metropolis citizens sending rare pair fics of Clark Kent x Superman fics to Lois to edit

yes, absolutely hilarious. even more funny if they send like physical copies, no address attached and lois sends it back marked with red ink, SOMEHOW

Imagine all the smut Clark must of read editing the fics

clark reads smut confirmeeed

NOT LOIS READING SUPERBAT PORN AND EDITING IT A 2AM 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hc that alfred is a meta that boosts healing factor of the people around him. if the bats are injured as much as they seem to be they would be doing bat stuff MAYBE half the year. no one including alfred knows about this. whenever the kids move out they inexplicably dont recover from injuries as fast and feel better whenever they visit the manor they just chalk it up to homesickness. bruce just thinks he heals really fast. alfred thinks everyone doesnt take care of themselves properly @finchcollector

that’s actually such a great idea, but i think that alfred would find out and learn how to concentrate it better so he can help more people, bc he’s great and i love him.

One of your dickfast posts reminded me of that tweet that goes: 'so you've had sex how many times? Yeah technically that's not a bromance' lol that's dickwally or dickroy

literally tho. like that’s all of dick’s friendships. once it gets past a certain time dick is like ‘wow i wonder what it would be like to make out with wally, wally come make out with me’ and wally’s like ‘we’ve done this like 40 times, dick, you know what it’s like’ and dick is like ‘sorry are you complaining?’ and they just make out.

superfam and batfam associations??

-batman and superman

-dick/barabara and supergirl?

-conner and tim

-jon and damian

pls enlighten me I am confused

nope,,, uhm batman and superman, but dick and superman as well, and then conner and tim, jon and damian and steph + babs with supergirl

I came across a fic in which Wonder Woman calls Batman "Stella" (like Stellaluna, the children's book) and I can imagine the batkids hop on the trend and maybe copies of the book appear at random places (aka, everywhere Bruce frequents)

sorry can’t reciprocate that was the name of my high school chemistry teacher and it gives me nightmares to think about.

good human what are your pronouns?

wouldn’t you like to know?

I need me some gothamites preferring harley over joker memes

everyone prefers harley over joker youre just very fucked up if you dont

don't understand why people try to add like veteran policy to the batfamily

dick pulling out his veteran batfam member card so he can eat first: step aside, peasants

Do you know the song Simmer by Haley Williams? It (the first verse anyways) reminds me of Jason? It's about rage.

damn yeah i LOVE HAYLEY!!!! youre right thoo

Okay so I like listen to your stoner Tim Drake playlist 24/7 but would he listen to skegss? Also I keep adding songs mentally it’s killing me 😩✋🏼 Anyways,, I literally love and worship your playlist 😃🤞🏼 And uh yeah have a good day ✨

stoner tim drake playlist is lyfeeee. also dont know who skeggs is? i’m stupid? have a good day!!

All the Robins (and Batgirl) decide to trade costumes for one night just to fuck with Batman and all the villains in Gotham. @subspacecadet 

batman knows it’s them youknow but like,,, what does he call them? he’s like ‘red hood?’ and 3 people answer and he’s not about to compromise some identities so he’s just Pissed.

I aspire to treat cops the way my dad treats them. This man is a 45 year old Asian immigrant to the US and the treats them like his pets. He talks about them like unruly children. Sometimes he pays off local cops to shut up and stop acting racist. And usually it works. I don’t know why but I can see Oliver Queen doing this

vibes... and also yes? oliver queen handing a local cop a donut to shut the fuck up lmao. but yanno i commit enough crimes to not really want to ever see a cop ever, so they kinda scare the everloving fuck out of me.

seeing as tim hasn't aged in years, that means he was 17 at peak emo tumblr era. im back on my emo tim bullshit and im not letting it go

emo tim had a wattpad account send tweet

People seem to think that batman is so dark and serious when the rainbow batsuit is right there. He wore it with no shame.

dude the 60s were a DIFFERENT TIME

dick grew up in a circus, jason grew up on the streets, and tim was probably raised by the internet

all of them cuss every other word and you cannot tell me otherwise

bitch i KNOW but dc has to change to an 18+ rating if they want to sell comix with swear words in them so we gotta deal with imagining the swear words in ourselves

thoughts on teen titans and young justice

haven’t seen teen titans on account of havent seen it and young justice was LITERALLY my favourite thing ever, tho i do gotta admit it’s not at all similar to the young justice comics unfortunately. i really wouldve liked to see timmy bart kon cassie and cissie animated on tv!!

ew ew ew how to delete batcest shippers I genuinely digust them

log off tumblr?

Okay as poc who was called racist for calling an Italian pastabrain: in the batfam are Italians bit Damian just yells various insults about the others being Italian. Just him yelling “What are you doing you moronic spaghettihead!” At steph etc

huh? i meant real italians. homeboy is telling steph he hopes she chokes on her fucking garlic.

I think it's dumb as hell to pull the batman is the best fighter in the batfam argument because like it's just irresponsible of Bruce to let his kids fight when they couldn't possibly be on his league or something

fair enough, but also like who cares they could all kill you just sit down and take a beating.

lady shiva, thalia al ghul and Selina Kyle are all milfs @notanothertimburtonenthusiastugh 

unfortunately, i have to admit,,, you’re right

why tf didn't someone give joker a death sentence already? like he's a mass murderer...give him the electric chair treatment wtf

idk i think plenty of people would have tried to murder him already (boring answer is: he is a popular character so they can’t kill him off bc he brings in lots of money)

There’s no such thing as “ copaganda”.

all american media is propaganda. happy to clear this up for you

is it bad that I find lady shiva owa owa

no. find her as owa owa as you want.

aight I'm guessing the order of your favs in batfam:

1. tim

2. Steph

3. dick

4. Duke

5. the rest

you’re wrong but it’s cute that you tried, i generally don’t have favourites, but i have a special place in my heart for steph, tim, dick and cass. bc they were like my introduction to batfam. but damian, jason, duke, bruce, babs and alfred are NOT FORGOTTEN OR UNLOVED

oh my god i was literally just readily willing to believe that italians werent white ty for clarifying it was a joke im so dumb sdkvjskdfs

i mean some italians aren’t white? italian is a nationality as well as an ethnicity, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

since I saw so many people doing headcanons about the nationalities of batboys, I see Dick as an Italian.

dont know if youre serious or not, but sure.

super random but

jason 🤝 damian

old english

lmao fair enough.

tim absolutely has 1 gay uncle and his parents shit talk said uncle all the time so after bruce adopts him he specifically reaches out to this uncle to be like "heyyyy just so you know you majorly influenced my life yes i know i havent seen you since i was 5 and at the family reunion yes i know you dont remember my name idc thank you im gay too" and then they never talk again.

yuppp lmao that’s definitely something that could happen. i can also consider tim having no family members, like none. until he does like a dna test and he realises he has like an aunt living barely 2 miles away from him who’s like some illegitimate child of his grandpa.

I dare you one of them sends clark superman/clark fic and clark corrects the shit out of it and then goes like ps his dick is not that big, just telling as someone who has seen it. internet either explodes or goes who tf did he not fuck at this point.

i think everybody would call clark a buzzkill and try to cancel him over that.

so you're telling me Tim Drake wouldn't buy Starbucks?

no. dunkin donuts all the way

One of my favorite things is imagining people finding out jason came back from the dead and being like "oh no does he have magic powers now?!?!?" and he just pulls out a gun and tries to shoot joker

now he doesn’t even have the gun :) lmao

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

bruce gets codename ‘ugh’ everytime. he hates it.

crazy that tim being a 17 y/o ceo and a stoner who does brand deals are all actual canon things written in detective comics comics and not made up for shits and giggles by you, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb @rowdeyclown

SO CRAZY HUH?

batman au where everything is the same but his utility belt is bright pink

absolutely, but i raise you, his boots light up like sketchers when he kicks people.

unbeknownst to the superhero fandom writers in the dcuniverse, clark and BRUCE are one of the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag on ao3. clark writes the best lois x superman angst, full of unhappy endings and scenes that are a so detailed you'd think you were in the middle of a superhero beatdown. bruce made an ao3 account to fuel "the do the butts match" thing, and makes batman/bruce fics from time to time. he wrote a superbat fic as a joke but ended up making it REAL porny. @concrastinator

dude they’re WAY too busy for that. Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan on the other hand are the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag writing what is Mostly porn.

When the dining table topic gets to politics, Steph says "eat the rich" as the solution

bruce just silently takes away her fork and knife while she’s talking.

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Peter Parker’s Younger Sibling

Peter Parker x sibling!reader

warnings: bullying mention, blood mention

a/n: a fuckin reach, its been a WHILE since ive seen tasm

prompt: y/n is peter’s sibling

peter and you were playful kids

you were just a year and some months younger than him, so you had a harder time remembering your parents than him

but he always told you stories about them that made you miss them a little more

peter was a genius, we all know it

he was the one helping you with your homework most nights

“peter i cant do it!”

“that’s okay, y/n. look, start with two times four, that’s eight, then four times six, twenty-four, right?”

“can i say a cuss word?”

“sure”

“math is shit”

you would cry during homework a lot

you’d also pass out on his floor after talking for hours

and you’d either wake up facedown on the floor or in your room since uncle ben would pick you up and put you to bed

peter took it upon himself to take you back to your room, but he usually dragged you by the arm, sooooo

you’d play action figures together

he was batman, you were robin always

“can i be batman?”

“oldest gets to be batman so im batman”

“but i wanna be batman!”

peter walked you to your school before taking off on his skateboard

and he’d pick you up on his way home

on half-days your brother taught you how to skate

you fell a lot

aunt may had to patch you up

“how many times do i have to tell you those skateboards are dangerous?!”

peter got you your own skateboard so that you could practice without him

you would text him after you did a trick and he’d always say hell yes! show me when i get home!

being his photography assistant

really you were his assistant constantly

science fair was the most boring day of the year

“y/n, stand right here, i need to get something from my locker”

*judges walk up while youre left unattended and in a state of PANIC*

you were bullied in middle school, same as peter, he’d always stick up for you and get beat up instead

it made you very mad but it was scary, too

“how’d you get into this fight, peter?”

“oh, you know, just happened”

“peter was sticking up for me, uncle ben”

“was he now? you’re a good brother, peter”

lonely when he moved onto high school :/

but you got there soon enough

you guys were kind of loners, just ate lunch together, lugged around your skateboards, you were an artist, he was a photographer

just spectating the chaos of high school, rolling your eyes at the drama

“i have two bucks, do you want anything from the vending machine?”

“uhh, a coke?”

you saw peter get bullied by flash and lost your shitttt

you actually started a food fight after throwing mashed potatoes in his eyes

“what the hell, parker?!”

“sit down and eat your goddamn food, flash, or next time it wont be potatoes”

peter was half-proud, half-embarrassed

trying to see how long you could skate through the halls before any authority figures stopped you

sometimes......you guys got sent to the office together :)

*phone ringing* “hello, is this ben parker?”

“which one of them is it this time?”

the principal’s office was a trip sometimes

you and peter exchange your glances and wait to get scolded

“ah, the parkers, come in, lets have a chat...why do you two always feel the need to get in trouble together?”

“we just happen to get along really well for siblings”

no you fuckin dont lmaoooo

it was always something with you two

like always

*banging on peter’s door* “I KNOW YOU HAVE MY BROWNIES, PETER, GIVE THEM BACK”

*peter through a mouthful of brownies* “I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT, YOURE CRAZY”

“is that my jacket?” -peter

“you mean my jacket?”

“y/n, i swear to god if you steal any more of my clothes it’s over for you”

“well, aunt may keeps giving me your clothes, so take it up with her”

and then there was just the little annoying things

“peter, can you stop clicking your pen?”

*clicks pen faster*

“you’re the worst”

and my personal favorite

“peter, open the door”

“why?”

“emergency”

*opens bedroom door* “what?”

“aunt may is making meatloaf”

“shit, uh...get your board, we’ll skate to mcdonalds and tell her we already ate”

peter and you RARELY ever brought your parents up until he found your dad’s briefcase, you didn’t have much to say

soon he was flooding his room with conspiracies and pulling you in to explain them

he began acting REALLY weird, but he was pretty open with you, he told you he went to oscorp

“YOU SNUCK IN??”

“your standards for me are way too high, y/n”

soon you started to feel not-so-good and weird things started to happen

“peter??”

“yeah? whats up?”

“this is gonna sound really weird...my hand is stuck to the door”

“it happened to you, too??”

“happening, pete. wait—this happened to you?? what is this???????”

yall done fucked up and got bit by spiders peter had so carelessly brought back into the house

it was an adjustment to say the least

and this adjustment got a whole lot harder that one night...you can remember peter just...so upset

you tried to chase him out to make sure he was okay, but uncle ben told you to stay with your aunt

maybe if you’d have been there...it would’ve been different, but when the cops got to your house you were at a loss for words

peter was covered in his blood still

“hey, hey, just breathe, okay? it’s not your fault, peter. just hop in the shower, yeah? i’ll take care of your clothes”

when peter took your advice and you were left alone, you just cried, you cried until he finally found you curled up in a ball in your room

then he cried, you just hugged each other sobbing your eyes out

peter got distant for a while, which was rough since the two of your were mourning for your uncle and dealing with these newfound powers

sooner or later he came around and helped you out, designing webshooters and a suit for you

“we match?”

*sigh* “yeah...yeah, we match”

ah yes, spider-team

you really tripped out new york at first, they thought spider-man was a teleporter

peter was still talking about your dad, but you really didn’t care, uncle ben was always going to be who raised you

you and peter would be covered in bruises after going out

“uh—peter punched me”

“y/n???!!!”

“I PANICKED”

just being dumb scared teens that cant function to save their lives until they get a little bit lucky

seriously like, every big villain you guys fought was just the worst

peter didn’t help all the time, he was good at provoking them sometimes

“hey, spider-man, you mind shutting up for a minute? for my sake?”

“sorry, sorry, just couldn’t help myself!”

he gushed to you about gwen stacy, he actually dragged you to her apartment to be patched up by her SEVERAL TIMES

yadda yadda yadda peter graduated high school! how cool is that? but he was late (what a surprise) even though you put off spidering today just for this

but he made it and you clapped the loudest for him

“thats my brotherrrr!!!”

cute family picture! (aunt may printed a bunch of them and gave them to you two and peter pinned them to his wall)

you and peter actually have a lot of pictures of the two of you just goofing off

he has one of you stuck in a trash can that cracks him up every time

seeing harry osborn again after YEARS

“wow, y/n, last time i saw you i just thought you were peter’s annoying little sibling”

“aww, it’s good to see you, too”

electrooooo

this guy really worried you bc like, bzzzz shock

you and peter weren’t equipped for that

it took a while, but you were finally able to deal with that

and several other problems

including peter’s breakup, which was a whole ordeal of its own

*peter laying upside down on your bed* “i dont know, y/n, you know? i wanna be with her so bad, i love her...but her dad is haunting me”

*you, drawing on your notepad with your legs propped up on his* “yeah, makes sense”

you actually had to tap out during the end of electro, you were hurt pretty bad

“y/n, hey? yeah, you’re okay. stay here, just stay right there, i’m gonna be back for you”

*thumbs up to show youre still alive*

but when peter came back for you there was bad news, he’d lost gwen

he ripped his mask off and fell to his knees, you could barely move but you powered through it, giving him a hug while he cried

“we...we better get home before aunt may starts to worry”

she was at work, so you two had the place to yourselves to clean up and mourn before the official news was revealed

“i should have listened to her dad, y/n, this is all my fault”

he was a mess, you couldn’t bare seeing him like this. it’s been so long since you’d seen him like this

the funeral was rough, peter was grasping onto your shoulder the whole time

he insisted that he was going to stick behind and stay with gwen for a while

“okay, i’ll see you at home...love you”

“love you too”

you gave him a hug and left him to his business, the next few months you were the only spider-person operating in new york...until rhino popped up

“im coming with you”

“you’re sure?”

“yeah, im sure”

(these are kinda ass but anyways im tagging my marvel ppl even tho ik this isnt mcu so just ignore this post if you dont care, sorry!!)

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @allthecreativeonesaretaken // @frostedgiant // @praellee // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs //

[harley-style]

mcyt brain rot for you all

this is both anysis and headcanon and au scenario, all blended together. you're welcome :D

----------

i have this headcanon,,,, cobbled together by some tumblr posts i read,,,, but some of them point out that wilbur is like, good at manipulating people as well to a point, right?

so i was thinking. what if his reach extended far beyond what anyone thought of? *what if wilbur's influence spread to dream?*

i know we've discussed this before (or sparrow analyzed it idk) but like. hear me out. this headcanon has to do with how wilbur wants to create a narrative. pit it against dream and his presumed original desires to create a safe happy place for his friends. wilbur's insistence that dream is the "tyrant". what if wilbur saw how dream was pointedly staying out of conflict, decided, "i dont like that," and began twisting the storyline and pulled dream's strings (pointedly off camera bc headcanons, babyyyy) so that dream would eventually fall into ruin, as the disgraced tyrant?

and dream...he KNOWS what wilbur's doing. to him specifically. and he's struggling so hard at the beginning, judging by his soft, passive demeanor when wilbur asks about the tnt.

i think, that somewhere along the line, dream lost sight of where his boundaries lied, and falls right into wilbur's plot pit and became The Villain. and he's like, fuck. I went and done it, oh no.

and....it worsens.

i had this whole scenario in my head that dream fully embraces the villain role, plays wilbur's game and completes the "narrative"...but is so fed up with wilbur and his stupid fucking ploys that he...bends the rules a little. changes shit up.

something...oh, a little like "lets speedrun my fall into villainy" bc it wouldn't be dream without the speedrun.

fast forward to prison. maybe if dream finally gets to resurrect wilbur. and wilbur is Not Pleased with how dream has decided to handle his narrative.

but its like. dream doesn't give two shits about wilbur's goddamn narrative anymore. he **played wilbur's game**. he's done with his role. he's given them peace, given them a happy end.

sure, he's given the rest plenty of trauma, but hey, it all turned out okay in the end, right? theyve got their happy ending. theyve BEATEN the big bad nightmare. his role is OVER.

but wilbur doesnt like it. doesnt like the lengths dream went to. it wasn't supposed to be like this. dream wasn't supposed to turn out this much of a *monster.*

and dream laughs. "will, wilby, wilbur," he croons madly, in his pretty little cell, preening like a cat. "i dont care," he hisses. "you fucking wanted this. you WANTED me to be this way. right? mr. revolutionary man? come on now, dont tell me you never expected this."

and wilbur tries to protest, but dream cuts him off.

"no. NO. dont' play your stupid littke games on me wilbur. you udnerstand? im DONE. im so sick of your bullshit, your countries your wars and your stupid fucking "story". I WANTED PEACE AND SAFETY. ALL i asked was "hey, don't be jerks, we're all one big community," and you didn't even have the DECENCY to just adhere to those rules, not even a little bit! you -- i let you in here because of TOMMY, you know that? the reason you even got to BE in this world was because tommy "vouched" for you. said you would be a great addition. and tommy-- i loved that kid back then, you know? he was bright and annoying and he made the server FUN. you took that brilliance, took that kid, and turned him against me, against ALL of us -- for what? independence? I HANDED YOU INDEPENDENCE AND YOU SPAT IT IN MY FACE LIKE IT WAS THE MOST VILE THING YOUVE EVER RECEIVED. i didnt even ENFORCE my rules, they were so loose literally EVERYONE broke them at some point.

but you? you had the audacity to call me a tyrant. to call me selfish, greedy, controlling. and then you declared war. the pet wars, the first disc wars weren't even close to the intensity you brewed during the revolution.

you had this little ideal in your head. and ill have to hand it to you, it was certainly impressive. but you didnt need to press it, to pressure it on the people of my server. you did anyway. you created this plot, this scheme to paint me as the villain, as the final boss. and you know what? FINE! if this is what it takes for them to be safe and happy, i'll be the villain.

but don't come in here expecting me to play that role again. i DID my part. i united them. my work is over.

but you, wilbur? heh. you get to deal with ALL the consequences of your war games. you'll be the one dealing with tommy's nightmares, tubbo's anger, everyone's hatred, fuck, you even get to deal with the egg!! isnt that nice? i was willing to deal with the egg, you know, it appeared before the whole election thing. but since you're here, you may as well take over. because you're SO great at directing them, you know? better than i ever could.

point is, wilbur, you don't get to use me as the tyrant, the final boss, the bad guy, and the villain anymore. when i said i would be putting the most powerful person in here, I wasn't fucking lying!"

"but tommy said you were going to put him in there!"

"you know, with the amount of times ive practically lied to that kid, im surprised he still believed me. i was never planning to put him in here. no one else would be put in here. hell, even techno and phil would just have gotten stuck here for about a week. i had guidelines, you know. i put them in a book somehwere, in one of my bases. no one was supposed to get unfair treatment. unfortunately i seemed to have pulled the short end of thr stick. that seems to be all that im doing these days."

"dream—"

"no. don't do that. don't pull me into another one of your plots wilbur. i don't want to hear it. you got your villain. your villain is gone, wilbur.

it's time to be the hero. :)"

basically my points here are like.

-wilbur made a narrative that dream didnt agree with

-this narrative painted dream in a negative villian light so dream basically said "yeah fuck that" and spedran his role

-headcanons galore i really do like the idea of dream creating that prison for himself to be locked in

-once wilbur is back he visits dream and explains his displeasure that dream went and did the things he did bc 1) hurt a lot of people personally and 2) did not adhere to the villain role wilbur specifically assigned to dream

-additional mentions: both wanted peace but in different forms. dream wanted peace for peace's sake but wilbur wanted peace after struggles. dream genuinely loved everyone on the server, but had to shed those attachments because to him, PERSONALLY, it would be a weakness towards his "villainous" role. his threatening of tubbo in front of tommy so tommy can "be the hero like spiderman and batman" shows that he knows exactly how empowering attachments are. lastly, dream only began manipulating people after the pogtopia arc. he mostly stayed the neutral party during it, and was just reacting with plans among plans during the lmanburg revolution.

-additionally, wilbur really wanted to stay dead, but dream said "haha no" and alived him again bc if he has to be the one to inflict trauma onto people then wilbur has to suffer leading the efforts to recovery.

hi @dreamsclock u keep giving me brainrot so im tossing this at u thank u goodbye i hope u dont mind the tag

[curious-menace]

Any riddler u want x depressed male SO with bad ptsd (help i need serotonin and ur content is So Good)

aww bb. im sorry youre not doin so good rn. you know im always here for u <3

i think i will do arkham riddler and maybe blacklight riddler since they also canonically have PTSD, i feel like they would be able to empathise. 

read more for mentions of mental illness and abuse 

Arkham Riddler

He could write a 5 page essay on how trauma has fucked him up, without actually admitting he’s been fucked up . He’s pissy no one seems to take PTSD in men seriously unless its from combat. You both have been told to “man up” and get over it. Cheers neurotypical, thats helpful.

riddler has never been diagnosed with PTSD but even if he had, he’s not going to admit he’s got it. then you roll around and he’s like “oh shit it me.” when he sees you struggle. He’s still not even trying to get help but you help him understand so much more. 

Riddler has an eidetic memory. Everything seems like a flashback to him at times. he understands you cant always control it. for his sake and yours he tries his best to keep his hideouts 

he has a lot of stuff around to help with dissociation lying around. heavy blankets, tangle toys textured surfaces, sometimes lil sweets , snacks or food just to have one of your senses engaged  and hopefully ground you. 

he really struggles to control his fits of anger at times. but, he knows how triggering this is for you so he’s doing his best to just take himself away when he feels it coming on. You seem to have a 6th sense for his tantrums and depending on your headspace, can either remove yourself from the situation or try and comfort him through it. 

he hates to see you lie under your depression. in his narcissism riddled mind, he really thinks he can help cure you. but seeing you just lie there in bed not wanting to exist mostly discourages him from taking up chemistry and pharmacy to make you any experimental mood drugs. He’ll probably just bring you some coco and sit with you while it passes. 

he cant help, not really, he doesnt have the capacity. but at least if youre in a pit of misery you dont have to be alone.

Blacklight riddler

i guess you could call him a little more proactive in his approach to your ailments. He knew you were suffering when you two got together so right from the get go he had things in place to try and make you a little more comfortable. 

He’s got trauma but he’s done his stint in therapy. he takes his meds and his problems are mostly managed. Because of this he knows what you're going through, what you will have to go through to get to the other side of this. he wont dare compare traumas or recovery, that's not fair on anyone, but at the very least he’s going to empathise with what happened to you. 

now, Edward is not an angry man. Perhaps when he was younger, less in control of himself sure, he was prone to being easily angered. but if there’s one thing in life thats still going to make him see red its when people minimise male childhood abuse survivors. do they not realise that LITERALLY kills people??? how many men have suffered and even died because they were shamed or discouraged from seeking help?! he doesnt like murder, he doesnt want to upset or traumatise you further but like....just say the word and he’ll seal a bitch in an oubliette. 

his apartment his a sort of safe zone. like theres no noise, no smells  comfort foods and easy access to therapists and doctors. the building itself is basically a fortress with a deadbolt door that would make batman jealous. good for someone trying to avoid triggers , feel safe and as a bunker for the zombie apocalypse. 

listen, he gets recovery isnt linear. if you wana lie spend a day in a depression pit he’ll leave you be, maybe come lie besides you if you want him to so you dont have to suffer alone. but please dont mistake this for him trying to push you too hard. he’s just doing what he wishes someone would do for him, he had to climb out of the hole with no one to give him a hand and he wouldn't wish that on anyone. 

but that being said he’s not going to just let you waste away. he will cook for you if you cant, brush your hair and your teeth if you don't have the energy. he’ll even give you a bath if you haven't showered in a while. of course, he wont force this on you, he knows to respect your boundaries.  but he wants you to know the option is there, he’ll do anything for you to make you feel even a little better. you’re in this together 

i hope this sparks the joy, love. its rough all over and i wish i could give you a proper hug. maybe when this is all over we will. i know things are tough right now but it will get better. dont forget how far youve come, even only in the time we’ve been friends. im always proud of you 💙

got something you wana talk about? send me an ask or a dm! im aways game to talk about our favorite curious menace 💚💜

[plainvanillapotato]

the 100 diaries S2 E1

quarantines diaries: may 26 2020

season 2 episode 1: “The 48″

aaahh yess some elevator music to set the mood....BAAMM excessively loud scary sound. was this really necessary tho. cuz i was wearing headphones while watching this and that shit made my ears hurt. i know im weak like that.

hey! hey! hey! where really is monty??? i fucking swear to god...

i love that clarke goes apeshit for monty. shes gots his back!! i stan.

ooo thats a deep cut. that helmet came off a little too easy. “ill be contaiminated” current quarantine mood girl. mood. clarke is really taking this girl hostage. anything for monty.

what in the world?! somebody say sike. yeah clarke where the hell are you? i would like to know as well

bellamy lives! also what is monroe’s hair. its cool but like how does she do these elaborate hair styles with no mirror. no shampoo. no conditioner. no brush. 

boy finn is not doing well at all. but he still manages to get some water to quench his thirst

what is that? klingon? did licoln really lick that arrow? lincoln be into some kinky shit.

“death by a 1000 cuts every single member of your clan will take a turn stabbing you. and then they’ll feed to the bugs.” that sounds that rough and all but im sorry all i see are the bugs from a bugs life

bane from batman is that you??? wow raven be prepared for that. we love a prepared queen. goodbye bane she said.

no its not ok. murphy. fuck this trope of having no bullets. die murphy. die. why do you keep coming back. i swear murphy is like a cockroach. you think you killed him but he keeps coming the fuck back. at least hes self aware as he says i would have shot me too. 

“im not pressing charges”. ok. maya. no one asked tho. but they still have a justice system?? of all the things that they keep 

ohh these restraint are necessary. you know clarke be out here ready to cut a bitch.

what the hell are they pumping into maya? 

wow dante being a fairy godmother with that box of clothes. he said bibity boppity boo

yess get that heel. resourceful queen. haha clarke “isnt like other girls” when she see a heel isnt thinking wow i would look really good in those. shes thinking i could use that as a weapon. but of all the outfits in that trunk thats the one that clarke picks?

so grounders really be superior beings. natural selection? this just triggered my ptsd from my gen bio class. not a fun time. if im being honest tho i would be probably one of tho people that would be wiped out by the radiation.

solar radiation. so basically these spacers are super human in comparison to these smucks. is this how jasper survived and recovered so quick from that spear? im still not over how the boy was speared but then was fine within like 5 days

he said first give me that heel. dante really is magical isnt he. but i really wished that clarked cut a bitch first before the heel was taken away.

what is this cult? why are all these kids wearing button ups? ummmm this is reaaaaally suspicious. 

is murphy really helping raven? are they giving murphy a redemption arc he literally made a child commit suicide. killed not one but two people in cold blood. shot raven. and hanged bellamy **i know. i know. i know that bellamy hanged murphy first. but we’re not going to talk about that. bellamy is too pretty to stay mad at for too long.

“i don’t want to die alone.” well i dont care murphy. get the fuck out of here. you were the one that shot raven and the reason why she is here.

oh wow that really is a monster. frankenstein’s monster who?

monty and jasper reunited. i love this bromance so much! 

“you’re bumming me out im gonna get more cake”- jasper (19:42) what a mood!! i could really go for some cake rn. i dont have anything to celebrate but do i really need one to eat cake. this also reminds me of the cake in Matilda

low on vitamin D? just drink some sunny d

maya and jasper? octavia? forget her. this girl has cake. *men love a woman that knows her way in a kitchen* 

clarke really wants out. i thought it would take longer than this. clarke really isnt trusting any of this. i mean neither am i. buts thats a lot of stairs 

maya pulling a gun clarke. she got that gun real quick. damn maybe maya is more edgy than i thought

raven and murphy having a heart to heart? the most unlikely pairing yet? but do i crack ship it? fuck it. sure.

is murphy really talking in third person. i thought i could not have hated this character more. i love that after murphy gives that whole my life was rough story. raven said “boo-hoo” (25:35). 

woah KANE is here to save the day but i gotta say i just want to give bellamy a wet wipe. theres so much blood on his face its covering up his prettiness

youre really not gonna give murphy up now raven? he shot you. i guess his pity story worked

yess bellamy!! that is the proper reaction to murphy! fuck your rules. fuck your law. fuck you kane. #free bellamy

ABRAHAM LINCOLN (31:55) you have got to be kidding me. i fucking called it. so i guess this were Washington DC used to be. honest abe is quaking. 

dante has a dark backstory. hes gotta be a villain. hes just gotta

bellamy and finn teaming up together yes please. i love finn and bellamy breaking the rules already. they make a good duo. btw this is such an interesting format of the show both of clarkes love interests are not with her. i hope they have a bromance now. or even possibly a real ship. who knows. cuz its seems like finn falls in and out of love pretty fast so it wouldnt be that ooc in my opinon

dont watch clarke eat like that dante. i get creepy vibez

monty knows magic tricks.  

clarke is buying into this cult a little too fast for me.

camp JAHA **tears**

did not expect to live to see kane as chancellor

really...a baby. ofc this show would. whats worse than a child...a baby.

[currentfandomkick]

Bio! Dad Strange part 3

Marinette, she had no idea how this happened, she swore, somehow got lost in gotham during an Arkham jailbreak. All she knew was one minute she was talking to Uncle Ed and then the next there was explosions and then she was... wherever she was.

Apparently Two-Face recognized her on the streets and grabbed her... only she didnt know him.

Her response was to flip him over her tiny shoulder and flee with a vengence. Guess which member of the batfam saw?

If you guessed Tim before he became a Robin because Dick was still Robin—albeit in charge of the Titans and not in Gotham at the time.

Tim did the reasonable thing and somehow convinced the freaked out french girl to go into a cafe while they called her parents.

Two-Face, convinced that tiny Tim kidnapped tiny Marinette and somehow his family would hurt tiny Marinette. Which given that she has how many Rogues around her little finger—Strange, Joker, Quinn, Ivy, Riddler, Penguin AND Zsasz. He did a coin flip to see if he should save her from being in the public eye and possibly expose her family. The coin was in favor of keeping Marinette from being on the news with pictures.

Two-Face decided it was safer to kidnap her from said public place and bring her to Ivy and Harley.

So he grabbed mutliple machine guns, raided the cafe and threw tiny Marinette over his shoulder and sent out shots at abyone that tried to get near them. He wasnt dying becuase of this kid, ok?

Of course said kid is super-powered, terrified, and did i mention its sunny out so her treatments are wearing out faster? No, well they are. This means everything is much scarier and louder and overwhelming that bwing thrown over a stranger that shot at people should be in any situation.

Tiny Tim is very scared for her. He finds Batman and alerts him to the tiny foreigner’s kidnapping—nearly getting killed by Mr. Freeze in the process to boot.

Batman is angry for many reasons, manages to take down Mr. Freeze and tells Gordon to be on alert for Two-Face who kidnapped a tiny french girl.

Only it gets worse.

Superman saw what was going on in Gotham and went to help out—his freind was dealing with a mass prison break of very dangerous criminals, why wouldnt he help?

And on hearing a tiny kid that freaked out in french was in danger? Well, what was he supposed to do Bruce? Ignore her?

He sent Conner after her while he helped out with a number of distrubed individuals, including a pyromaniac (firefly).

Conner manages to track down the pair on his own and almost loses it when he sees tiny Marinette kick Two-Face hard enough he falls down and the girl bolts a lot faster than a normal kid should. He comms in that the girl is a scared foriegn meta, and requests backup.

Kidflash is the one who answers, and takes care of Twoface while Conner tries to track down a terrifed tiny meta that screams in french.

Conner sees her running to a greenhouse and follows her in. Especially as the tiny girl jumped a lot higher than she should and it felt too familiar for comfort.

He manages to sneak in, followed by Kidflash, and they have an ‘oh shit’ moment when they see the scared girl run to a younger Poison Ivy with brown hair, crying. This teen holding a crying child is Rose.

Rose is visibly pissed. “Do you want me to kill him? J called dibs on his brother this time and Harley’s aiming for Tetch after last week.”

Tiny marinette shakes her head and delivers the best line for the young justice members, but worst for a baby Rogue.

“I dont want him to die, i just want him to stop hurting people.”

*remember, she is Jill in Gotham.

“Jilly bean, the world isnt nice. If it was, then batsy wouldnt have dropped me onto an ecoterrorist when i was a week old, and i would be allowed to leave the greenhouse. You wouldnt need to have nearly as many aliases as you do. You can try to make it nice in a lot of ways. I’m happy to handle extermination sicne thats the only thing i have shot at besides the rkc.”

Tiny marinette is frowning. “But then the world wins. I want to beat the world, not lose by being like it.”

Conner is (understandably) confused. Kidflash is processing that oh fuck. This is a meta raised by villians. And another meta raised by villians and goddamnit batman, why did you give a villian a baby? (He didnt. He gave ivy a ten year old. He thought she was her kid and she was raising her or something.)

Tiny Marinette is not happy with Rose’s conclusions.

“Can we call Ghoul and Frost? Maybe they can help with their dads?”

“And why not Puzzles?”

“He has asthma and he cant dodge.”

Rose considers for a moment before nodding. She grabs a plant and talks into it. “Ghoul, Frost, i need you at HQ. Someone has to reign in our dumbass parents. Bring the nuetralizers and tranqs.”

A voice came from another flower. “Should we have zsasz come with?”

“No! He’ll switch sides again!” Marinette yelled.

“Oh. Nets, what the hell are you doing at HQ?”

“Two-Face stole me. I ran.”

“Well, Fuck. Be there in five. Uh, how are your treatments holding?”

“She’s getting lighter. Might want to break out the rocks again.”

“Double fuck. Ill force Frost out of lab. Be there in a few—any crews to aviod or...”

“If they have a green arm band dont give them the fear toxin fixes, and Jerimah’s cult is back,” Marinette added.

“Fuck me up why dont you Gotham!” Ghoul cursed.

“Hey, she’s a kid!” Rose snapped

“Im older than you though!” Marientte chirped.

Conner had a lot to process with this information. Kidflash put together that they were applarently going to try to help the gothamites rather than the rogues, and decided they should leave and focus on helping the others.

Given that Marinette didnt catch the pair (she was still trying to focus on near things) she doesnt know that anyone but Batman and maybe Batgirl is fighting.

So she doesnt hide her abilities, flying at low levels to aviod Batman’s attention. But Kidflash and Batman see her and have a Moment of ‘which of us is telling Superman he might have another clone?’

Marinette, oblivious to this, is seen beside Jason Todd giving people Fear Toxin Antidote and Joker Gas Nuetralizer. Marinette is getting and distributing the antidotes. Jason Todd is making sure she doesnt die by wielding his baseball bat and riding his bike while she flies.

The day ends with most going back to Arkham and Marinette and Jason hiding from heroes for obvious reasons—including a teen and small child ignoring evacuation orders and avoiding GCPS.

Batman is aware of Marinette’s existence as “Jill” and “Nets” and that she helps a group of Rogue’s children that are content to undercut their parents crime. And now he knows Rose is either mcuh younger than he thought when he gave her (he thought brought her back home to) Poison Ivy. And is feeling guiltyTM

If you thought he was having a case of Serial Adopter Bruce Wayne, you are correct. He is now actively looking for these kids and where they are hiding since they moved post-breakout.

Zsasz is only slightly disappointed that Marinette didnt kill Two-Face. Jerome thinks its great and somehow convinces him to apoligize to her by offering to make up a number of contracts between rogues and the gotham underground in general to make things more organized so she and other rogue kids have a safe way of handling situations like that in the future.

Why dies JEROME of all people think this up and not Eddy or Riddler? The answer is he stole the idea from them, gave them no credit, and yes, is doing this as an attempt to score a few extra of marinette’s cookies. He has no shame in this, and riddler hates sweets so he isnt mad. Ed is too busy teaching Marinette Science to realize what happened until long after it did.

This puts Marinette and the RKC in a very odd position. Not only is The Batman trying to find them now, but they have to handle the Rogues trying to baby them. Ghoul and Frost are almost an adults, most people think Rose is almost an adult when irl she’s 5, and yes, Marinette is very much now Gotham Underground’s Princess as the Council is basically set up to ensure her safety.

Marinette knows none of this, as she is small child that just wants to cuddle her stuffed kitty Chaton and sleep on her Father (Strange) while he finishes up in his lab. She does this.

Mr. Freeze and Scarecrow got pictures. They use these to insert themselves in the Teach the Kids Science and Dangerous ThingsTM.

At one point marientte learns how to diassemble a bomb, reassemble one, and diffuse various bombs.

Riddler starts to use bombs more when she’s around to help her practice. Batman is confused as that is Not his usual M.O. Robin/ Dick gets called in and thigns get messy for the Batfam dynamics (he saw the research on the RKC and is pissed that He Was Right! Ivy Didnt Have Rose! and then saw plans for new batkids and reacted BadlyTM due to Teen AngstTM).

The summer ends with Batman having a bad fallout with Robin, Marinette thinking No One knows she’s kyptonian. When Conner suspects, Batman and Kidflash put two and two together, and no one has told Superman yet because um. Well.

They need the girl as proof and would rather not send Clark into another spiral about havig kids he wasnt aware of, ok? He just got decent with Conner. No need to rock the boat, right? (Wrong)

[imadethiswhileonzoom]

Tag Guide

😗 So this is the tags I use. Hope they’re not too confusing lmao

the pretty self explanatory ones:

😗 #art seems pretty self explanatory BUT it’s basically if a post includes art. and i honestly mean any type of art

😗 #unrelated is really just any post that i cant seem to put in any type of category honestly. whether it’s a shitpost or something random

😗 #gif set also pretty self explanatory. it’s any post including a gif set. which in my definition is 2 or more gifs

😗 #cosplay dont think i have much under this tag but it exists so. it’s just anything cosplay (not mine tho)

😗 #lgbt+ shit is a tag for anything lgbt+ related

😗 #math literally just how much i hate math lmao

😗 #take care of yourself is basically me saying this to you. has posts about menatl health and self care

😗 #lil tips is just that. little tips to help you and me

😗 #blm always have always will honey i shouldn’t have to explain that one

tags you might want to blacklist/filter:

blacklisting/filtering is when you specify a specific tag on tumblr so that you can't see posts tagged as such. a basic way to prevent content that you don't like or might trigger you

😗 #r*wling she has probably hurt a lot of people including me. so if you don’t want to see any posts pertaining to her. please blacklist this tag.

😗 #tr*mp honey i’m very anti-tr*mp and i understand if his name might be triggering. if you don’t want to see any posts pertaining to him. please blacklist this tag

😗  i might also have a tag for c*vid and so, please look out for any tags such as #c*vid bc i honestly dont know if i’ve ever tagged it

😗 #politics anything political should be on this tag.

😗 #one note a day post (these are posts are where someone has agreed to a compromise where for each note the post gets is equal to one more day they go without s*lf h*rm or one more day they don’t commit s***ide) these types of posts can be extremely triggering. so if you don’t want to see posts pertaining to this, please blacklist this tag.

😗 additionally! i have started putting the actual trigger with a tw in front of it so if you already have a specific trigger than don't worry. of course i won't have everything covered so:

if you want something to be tagged please tell me. if a post should BE tagged but isn't please tell me 

fandom tags! this is very long btw

😗 side note: So with ships I tend to just flat out put the ship name regardless of how I tage the individual characters. Ex. #Wrightworth and #Lumity

😗 #among us this are posts about a game that i am utterly in love with.

😗 #mcyt which stands for minecraft youtube! i also will put the content creator's name UNLESS there are too many. i also have #dream smp for purely dream smp related content

😗 #ducktales darling i love this show

😗 #unus annus memento mori

😗 #bnha this is also any post involving my hero academia/ boku no hero academia content (when it comes to the individual characters i usually tag them like this: #bnha midoriya. i’ll put bnha and then their last name.)

😗 #spy kids literally only one post about it lol

😗 #otgw is basically about the show over the garden wall. 

😗 #the witcher anything about this it honestly

😗 #the owl house is everything pertaining to the show. how i tag the characters are tricky so just look through the tag i guess and figure it out bc i’m unorganized

😗 #marvel this is EVERYTHING involving marvel. comics, fancontent, movies, etc. [when it comes to individual characters i’ll put in their FULL name like this: #tony stark. (though, loki and thor are COMPLETE exceptions as their tags are #loki and #thor)] oops and i just saw but i have black widow under #black widow along with black panther being tagged as #black panther. also #spider man is a tag

😗 #dc again this is EVERYTHING involving dc. comics, fancontent, movies, etc. (i dont really tag individual characters so i’ll just put #batman or something vague. but manily i just tag it as dc and that’s it lol)

😗 #mcu now this gets into specifics as this is ONLY content pertaining to canon mcu (marvel cinematic universe). (again,  [when it comes to individual characters i’ll put in their FULL name like this: #tony stark. (though, loki and thor are COMPLETE exceptions as their tags are #loki and #thor)] 

😗 #hp is anything hp related. (for individual characters i just put their full name like #hermione granger or #harry potter)

😗 #the onceler sadly this tag DOES exist but i promise there isn’t much there. so yeah the oncler from the lorax is an actual tag on this blog. sadly.

😗 #ace attorney so these are posts that is central to the videogame series ace attorney. (so with individual characters i’ll do it like so: #aa miles edgeworth. so i’ll just put the initials of ace attorney and then the character’s full name)

😗 #musical these are ANY posts pertaining to ANYTHING musical related. (how i tag specific musicals is pretty forward: #dear evan hansen, #hadestown)

😗 #she ra literally anything she ra related. sorry i’m tired of typing this ALL out lmao

😗 #undertale don’t have much under this tag but it’s still there. basically anything about this iconic game

😗 #moana and #mulan are independent and as i look back on it i probably should’ve just tagged them all as disney but i didnt and i’m lazy. if i ever end up tagging it correctly i’ll definitely update this.

😗 #picrew not exactly a fandom but thought i’d include it

😗 #puppet history this is a series from the channel the watcher which should also be a tag i think. anyways this is just anything about puppet history

😗 #tdp is any post about the netflix show the dragon prince (which i love and adore) just like dc i probably wont tag individual characters ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

😗 #atla is avatar: the last airbender content. (individual characters are done such as: #atls zuko. i’ll put atla and then their first name.)

😗 #voltron bruh i’m not even in this fandom anymore (still love the show tho) but yea theres that. i probably also won’t tag individual characters.

[scaryscarecrows]

Roots and Leaves, Pt. 8

All done!

“-son. Master Jason.”

Fuck, Alfred’s dead? The end is extremely fucking nigh.

But, if he’s going to be selfish (which got him into this, you’d think he’d learn)…at least he has company in…wherever this is.

His hands still hurt, though, which he finds very unfair.

“You are no better at feigning unconsciousness than you were at fifteen, sir.”

He’s not tryin’ to…

Why does Death look like his old bedroom. Is this some sorta ‘ease into it’ area?

“There you are.”

“Alfie?”

Alfred hasn’t changed one bit. Jason will bet that his mustache hasn’t even grown, or shed a hair, or anything.

“How are you-”

Alfred.

He hugs him and he hasn’t changed, not one goddamn bit. Alfred hugs him back, one hand cupping his neck and the other moving firmly up and down his spine. Alfred’s here, everything’s gonna be okay, at least for another minute…

The hand on his spine moves and his head’s tilted up with a soft, “Oh, my boy.”

It’s over. Any dignity he had is gone. He presses his face against Alfred’s chest (fabric softener Earl Grey home) and doesn’t even try to pretend he’s not crying. He’s never been able to keep anything from Alfred anyway.

“M’sorry.”

“Oh, my boy,” Alfred says again, and those sturdy hands press against his head and neck. “There is nothing to apologise for.”

He tries to take a few deep breaths, to get himself under control for fuck’s sake, and can’t. He can’t do it anymore.

But Alfred is a literal saint, and he doesn’t try to coax him to talk or to sit up or to do anything at all, even after his jacket must be soaked through. He just sits there, marginally more slumped than he usually is, and rubs a hand in slow, steady circles over Jason’s shoulders.

At some point, he senses a presence in the doorway, but before he can straighten up it’s gone again and now, without that motivation, it’s easier to just stay here where it’s safe and warm.

He eventually runs out of tears but his face is now wet and swollen and hot. His nose feels like it’s swollen shut and he’s been reduced to careful, thought-out breaths that rattle in his throat and burn in his chest. Sitting up is too much work.

Alfred props him up anyway and rubs a cool washcloth over his face before letting him take it and hold it against his now-puffy eyelids.

“That’s it, Master Jason.” If Bruce is Sherlock Holmes, then Alfred is Watson. They don’t deserve him. “That’s it. Deep breaths, there we are.”

“M’sorry, Alfie,” he forces out, voice strangled. “M’sorry-”

“That’s enough of that.”

“But-”

“I won’t hear any more of that.” Oh, boy. That’s the ‘you’re on thin ice and should just shut up’ voice. Even now, it’s scary and he doesn’t have the courage to go against it.

A straw presses against his lips-limeade-and Alfred continues, a little gentler now, “I cannot imagine that you purposefully buried yourself for any reason, Master Jason. Am I correct?”

He laughs. He can’t help it. It sounds so nice put like that.

“No. No, I…I didn’t. I didn’t.” He is not going to start crying again. He refuses. Sheila flashes behind his eyes, blonde and blue and red, and he presses the washcloth down hard enough to hurt. “I…she s-said. She said she was out. Sh-she said she was out, Alfred, I thought…just once…”

“From the beginning, Master Jason.” Calm, but making it very clear that he doesn’t have a choice. “Who is ‘she’?”

He swallows, knows he’s imagining something squirming at the back of his throat. Alfred waits.

“Sheila Haywood,” he finally whispers. “I…Bruce’s files…she might have been my mother.”

He doesn’t have to look to know Alfred’s got that little frown between his eyebrows, the one that says he’s deeply upset. Jason presses the washcloth tighter against his eyes, sparking colors, and his wrist is tugged at until the colors die off.

“I just…she approached me, Alfie, I swear, I didn’t…I just thought…” He swallows again, forces himself to let the washcloth fall to his lap. “M’tired of bein’ second choice, Alfred.”

He doesn’t have time to brace himself before he’s pulled back down and somehow…folded…so that he’s tucked against Alfred’s chest like he’s thirteen again and still fits.

“Jason Peter Todd,” Aw, shit. “you have never been second choice, do you understand?”

But…

Look. He’s very well aware that he wouldn’t be here if Dick hadn’t had that fallout with Bruce. And oh, boy, has he ever learned the Joys of Being the Second Child-‘Dick did this’, ‘Dick did that’, and on and on and on. He’s come to terms with that fact, it’s fine, whatever.

But arguing that point (or any point) with Alfred is a Bad Idea.

And. And he’s here, now, because Bruce…Bruce came to pick him up, when he asked. So. That means something, doesn’t it?

His head hurts.

Alfred sighs at his non-answer but lets it go for the time being.

“What happened with Miss Haywood?”

He’s not moving. He’s staying right here until this is all over.

“Some moron tried to hold up the grocery store…”

* * *

Jason feigns sleep for the rest of the day, until Bruce is out on patrol. Sneaking past the Batman isn’t impossible, but it’s definitely hard and with his hands almost completely useless, well…

The last thing he wants or needs is a lecture on Trust and Rushing Into Things and Dammit, Jason, This is What Got You Captured by the Joker. He knows that, thanks, Bruce.

(And yeah, okay, he knows lectures are Bruce’s way of saying I Love You, but some people swear a punch to the face is an I Love You, so.)

Sneaking past Alfred, on the other hand…now that really is impossible.

He’s halfway down the stairs when there’s an irritated, “A-HEM,” from behind him. Crap.

“I was thirsty?”

Alfred gets this expression that Jason will swear means he’s envisioning smacking him upside the head with a rolled-up newspaper. Yeah. Okay. Game’s up.

“I just…I need some time,” he says, eyes fixed on a knot in the wooden banister. “I can’t face him, Alfred, not now.”

Not for a long time, probably. Not without a massive blow-up on both sides and it’s better if no one else is around to be caught in that crossfire.

And besides. Right now, he just…his apartment may be kinda crappy, but it’s not haunted by a stupid kid who swore up and down that

“Being Robin gives me magic!”

“This is the best day of my life.”

There’s too many ghosts in this house.

Alfred comes forward and pats his shoulder.

“At least permit me to provide you with a few easy-to-reheat meals.”

“I’m okay-”

“Humor an old man.”

That is a trap. That is a trap, it’s just better to nod and neither protest or nor agree. And he’s got time, before Bruce gets back.

“Thanks, Alfred.”

“Hm.”

He’s ushered towards the kitchen. It hasn’t changed a bit-still homey and warm and with those same comfy stools by the counter. He remembers having after-school snacks there and chattering a mile a minute about ‘so Mister Pierce set his desk on fire in chemistry and it was so cool I gotta try that y’think B’ll let me-?’

“If I hear one word about you being out before those hands have healed, there is no power on Heaven or Earth that will spare you, is that clear?”

He believes. He believes.

“Yeah.”

“Good.” An icebox appears out of nowhere. “Do you need a ride?”

“No, I, uh…I called an Uber. I didn’t think I could drive.”

“Wise choice.” Alfred sets the icebox down and grips Jason’s arms. “You will always have a home with us, Master Jason. Remember that.”

He is not going to start crying again. He is not.

“Thanks, Alfred.”

* * *

The Uber guy is more interested in his radio than in Jason and that’s just fine. It means he’s not going to pester him, which means that he can twist around to watch Wayne Manor shrink into the distance through back window.

When he gets home, he opens his e-mail. Nothing new, but Sheila’s are still there. He deletes most of them.

But.

He can’t. Even now, after everything, he can’t bring himself to hate her. Not really.

He moves the remaining few to his ‘save it’ folder, where he won’t open them by mistake, and goes outside for a cigarette. Lighting it’s a pain, and there’s a few minutes that he’s terrified that he’s going to light the bandages on his hands on fire, but he manages it, in the end, and leans on the railing to watch the cars go by below.

In another unit, he can hear Mz. Melinda May cackling and a handful elderly voices swearing and demanding she be thrown out. Maybe he’ll go over there tomorrow, make sure she hasn’t downloaded a crap-ton of computer viruses again. (And yeah, okay, he wants to know about the yelling.)

There’s a sudden movement in the shadows across the street and he goes inside, turns on the TV. He’s halfway through an episode of Chopped when a red bar pops up on the bottom saying, Batman recaptures Harley Quinn, more at eleven.

A knot in his chest he didn’t realize was there loosens up and he pulls his blanket tighter around his shoulders.

“Thanks, B.”

THE END