#if you're offended by me putting this up on the internet?

[beastenraged]

Hey guys, this is your reminder: don't do this shit.

Or I'm blocking you, deleting your comments, and staking you out for the wolves.

[periwinklecosma]

(tw for r*cism, p*dophilia, tr*nsphobia, and SA)

truly i am not saying this simply for the sake of being mean or a snob but i wish mp100 fans would think more about the type of people they choose to make popular in our community. as a fic reader and writer i've seen all kinds of shit that people come up with and i'm not picky with what i enjoy but you know what i find to be completely baffling? the fact that only a handful of people seem to be willing to be critical of an author who (and i'm not putting this under a read more because you guys need to see how fucking long this is and let it sink in):

wrote touichirou to be even worse than he already is in canon. we're talking about being pro-eugenics, being racist towards serizawa (who is portrayed as blasian), and condoning child impregnation (don't even try to come at me with the whole "well duh he's the villain so what's the problem?!" because let me ask you: why would any of the above be necessary to show that touichirou is a villain? all of this is ultimately unimportant to the fic in question as a whole and imo they're not handled with the necessary care that should entail. something being dark and gritty =/= being better; i thought we've evolved past this mindset). excuse me for disregarding mp100's themes of "it's never too late to change" for a second here, but shit like this makes it extra difficult to buy into his character development post-wd arc. most recently, the author has revealed herself to hc him as having had a white south african mother from whom he learned "his kind of eugenics mindset. outright headcanoning a character to be racist huh? white.

is racist towards serizawa in general actually. the narration is constantly making weird comments about his hair before he starts working at s&s. you see people like REIGEN saying he looks sloppy, and it's never called out.

wrote a graphic sequence where reigen gives birth in a taxi while ritsu watches and helps deliver it. again, it's a completely unnecessary scene and adds nothing to the overall narrative, and it can be very uncomfortable for those faint of heart. also theres a gratuitous r/trei joke thrown in there for good measure.

has very questionable trans rep, according to the trans people i've spoken to. serizawa is implied to have a trans fetish, shimazaki is portrayed as a trans woman chaser (you know for the funnies), and allusions to reigen's transness are mostly through explicit imagery.

is really weird about the kids????? shou is characterized as someone who's constantly making dirty and frankly unsettling comments towards others even when he isn't being aged up, even though that's not a trait he has in canon. he and the others are constantly dancing right up to this really uncomfortable line that stops just short of full-blown gross shit.

WROTE A FIC WHERE REIGEN ASSAULTS SERIZAWA. do you hear me? she wrote a fucking fic where serizawa wakes up to reigen trying to get it on with him. that is assault. this author will tell you that it isn't assault because they're in an established relationship but listen to me: That. Is. Assault.

doesn't tag any of the shit i just mentioned! she doesn't alert her audience to any of these things before she draws in her audience because she's more worried about "spoilers" than actually protecting people. one time someone asked her to tag the fic i mentioned in the bullet point directly above as SA due to being triggered but she refused because they were the only person to have a problem with it (allegedly), and also because they were "rude." wtf. basic fucking decency shouldn't hinge on how polite or rude someone is being, but she has such a huge victim complex despite being 39 years old and too old for this shit that she doesn't even realize it.

again i am not trying to put myself on a soapbox and say that i'm inherently better than anyone but i really am so disappointed in you people. for the most part i find that this fandom is a lot more well put together than a lot of those hellholes out there (save for the standard fuckery that all fandoms are guilty of obviously) but seeing talented artists that i otherwise respect and have nothing against choose to put this person on a pedestal and by extension enable this sort of thing to continue is so disheartening. i'm not trying to attack anyone or accuse them of consciously condoning this content, but please think for a bit before you uncritically recommend it to others just because it has your favorite ship in it or because you enjoy darker and more mature themes.

[patscorner]

KISS CAM

Idea from @lolasturniolo

Summary: Y/n and Chris get put on kiss cam during a hockey game

TW: use of y/n, kissing, nothing really, just a cute idea

PART 2

______________________________

Y/n had no clue what was happening. She didn't know a single thing about hockey. She only came because her boyfriend, Chris, and his brothers played in high school and loved hockey.

She'd cheer when Chris would, only because he would. All she knew was that it was almost over and the Stars were tied with the Bruins.

Halftime just ended, and now the announcers were starting to interact with the crowd. People entered raffles and won prizes and free food. Part of the interaction was getting people on the big screen with the Kiss Cam.

Y/n watched as the kiss cam went round the stadium 3 times. The first time, the couple gave a quick peck and a smile. In the second, the guy held up a sign that read, "This is my sister," causing a laugh for everyone in the crowd. The last one, the couple decided to make out heavily.

Y/n winced as she looked down at her phone, scrolling mindlessly on Instagram.

She tuned out the cheers around her, being sucked into her tiny screen. Until she was nudged by Chris.

"Ma, look." She looked up and followed his finger, pointing at her face in the big screen. Scattered cheers erupted from the crowd, fans recognizing Chris and Y/n.

The screen read Kiss Cam, and even though fans didn't know she and Chris were together yet, they had their speculation.

Chris looked at Y/n, knowing it her call, as she was the one who wanted their relationship private to begin with.

"You wanna give em a show?" Chris smiled at her. She shrugged. "Fuck it."

Her hands grabbed Chris's face, and pulled him into a passionate kiss, earning screams, hoots, and hollers from people around them.

Y/n pulled away, while Chris stayed where he was, his eyes still closed. "Chris?" She laughed out.

"Give me a minute." He held his finger up. "You just brought me to another fucking world." He said, finally opening his eyes, grinning at her.

"Do it again." He said, his voice just above a whisper.

She shook her head. "You're still on the big screen, babes." She motioned her head in the direction of the giant camera.

Chris turned his head to the big screen and fake pouted. "Please?"

"Fine. But only if we get ice cream after this fucking game." She said. His face scrunched. "You said that with so much hate." He put his hand on his heart, acting offended.

She laughed at him, pulling him by his collar into a short, sweet kiss. "There. Happy, pretty boy?" She smiled.

Chris nodded. "Yes, thank you, baby." He interlocked his hand with hers and turned back to the ice rink.

"You know that the internet is gonna go crazy over this, right?" He said, breaking the silence.

She nods. "It's been 6 months. They deserve to know. It was gonna happen eventually." She shrugged.

She opened her phone, seeing that she had been mentioned over 67 times already; and counting. She rolled her eyes, smiling.

Chris looked at her, and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I love you, sweetheart."

She looked up at him. "I love you, too." She smiled.

Now the world knew, all because of a Kiss Cam.

[dawndelion-winery]

Thanks for the Flowers

You send them a little prank thank you text with flowers they never sent

Ft: Alhaitham, Arlechinno, Childe, Scaramouche, Wriothesley

Alhaitham:

You thought it would be a funny prank to send him a stock image of flowers and a small thank you

"Glad you like them."

He smiles to himself, but then immediately deleted his message when he sees the attached image

That wasn't the bouquet he sent

His smile drops so fast because who exactly is sending you flowers apart from him?

"Throw those out, they aren't from me. Don't you like the one I sent more? I got your favourites, my love."

He gives the house a cursory scan the moment he steps in through the front door

It's only after you've given him his welcome home kiss and a hug that he starts looking for the bouquet for some trace of who the sender might be

At first he doesn't believe you when you say it's a prank because he wouldn't put it past you to just want to allay his worries

He'll come around though, and then he's annoyed

"That's childish and you know it, you can have my attention if you just ask for it."

Arlechinno:

This is her sign to publicly announce that you're with her because this sort of idiocy wouldn't be an issue if people knew you were spoken for

Initially chuckles to herself as she glares at the offending image

"Do you like them?"

Of course she's not telling you the weren't from her if you like them

The poor sucker who sent them to you deserves no credit anyway

If anything, they deserve her personal thanks for helping her gift you something!

Of course she needs to know their name and face to express her gratitude in person <33

In a totally genuine and non-threatening way (lie)

She ends up coming home late that day, having scared off any of your potential suitors just to be safe

"Had some unsavoury business come up, dearest, sorry to keep you waiting. Have you had dinner yet? No? Shall we dine together?"

She never brings it up though, so you sorta forget to ever tell her it was a joke

Childe:

At first he doesn't process that he didn't send you the flowers

It's not like he doesn't pay attention, but he has his subordinates send you so much stuff as he comes across it that it's really hard to keep track

For all he knows it might have been something he came across and spontaneously thought of you liking it

And your likes were pretty much needs to him

"Love you, my pookie <33"

And then he stows his phone away

Only to remember he hasn't gotten you any flowers that day

"My honey drumlet darling-kins, there doesn't happen to be a note attached to the flowers, is there?"

When you insist that no, there isn't, and you've checked thoroughly, he makes a mental note to look into anyone who's ever had a crush on you

For a friendly spar, of course!

He just needs to make sure his competition is even worth noting (they aren't)

He comes home, thoroughly disappointed that none of them could even hold their own against him - few even dared to try, scared shitless by the sudden appearance of a harbinger demanding they fight

Sweaty and tired, he's all over you, whining about his day and how everyone wants you and can't take a hint that you're so happy with him ("You are, aren't you? I'm your favourite.")

Of course you cave and tell him it was only a prank

He scowls at first, but then breaks out giggling as he buried his face in the crook of your neck

"It doesn't really matter because I think they're all scared of me anyway. Some of them took one look at me and blanched. Unlike you, of course; the sight of me excites you, doesn't it?"

Ah. There's your bastard ginger.

Scaramouche:

"Wrong number, I think you meant to text your side hoe."

Sends you the most unbothered replies

Is actually overthinking

He knows logically this is most likely a joke because he swears he has seen that bouquet somewhere on the internet when looking for flower arrangement inspiration

But what if it's just a really similar layout and someone actually did send it to you?

Horrible. He doesn't want to think about it

But of course he does anyway

Brings you flowers because he planned to sneakily replace the stranger's bouquet

Wriothesley:

"Honey, please tell me this is a joke."

Seething inside

Who in their right mind dared to covet you while you were happily dating him??

Don't even try evade his interrogation, he needs to know every detail

From the exact time the flowers were sent to the arrangement and paper quality

Don't mind him, it's just a small investigation he'll carry out in his free time

The sooner you come clean the better

Not that you'll go unpunished...but hey, confessing to your crimes must at least lighten the sentence, yeah?

Taglist: @ryuryuryuyurboat @yinyinggie @mx-kamisato @chaosinanutshell @haliyarobin @irethepotato @boundedbyfate @favonius-captain @aqui-soba @tiredsleep @sadlonelybagel @mastering-procrastinating @lemeowade

[kaidatheghostdragon]

"You must be Ra's," Tucker stated, careful to keep on a poker face while he frantically assessed the situation - tied down to a chair, in what was probably the heart of this particular fruitloop's lair.

And there was a frankly disturbing number of similarities to the OG fruitloop: the way he stood, the style of his hair, the perpetual sneer.

The way he sent a shiver down Tucker's spine like Vlad used to be able to way back when he was still intimidating.

"Gotta say," Tucker continued, shoving his emotions down like only a human-born liminal that dealt with empathic rogues on the daily could ever manage, "not that impressed. For starters, your vibes are rancid, dude. Like, what do you do, bathe in corruption all day?"

That earned him a slap on the face, "You will speak when spoken to," Ra's ordered.

Tucker witheld a smirk. This guy seemed like the type to order subordinates around to do absolutely everything. The fact that he personally slapped Tucker with his own hand? It could only mean that Tucker was already under the guy's skin.

"Well, that just means I can keep talking since you just spoke to me," Tucker retorted, unafraid of another slap. Really, compared to the abuse he put himself through helping Danny, and the way his liminality skyrocketed in the last couple of years, it was barely even a love-tap. It didn't even sting.

Ra's raised a brow, giving the distinct impression that he was absolutely livid, though that may have been the liminal empathy cluing Tucker in. He'd never been great at reading emotions until that particular ability developed.

"Who do you work for?" Ra's began the interrogation.

Tucker returned with his best affronted glare, "Frankly, I'm offended that you don't believe I could do all this entirely on my own."

"Kill him," Ra's stated as he turned to leave, sounding so unimpressed that it almost seemed bored.

Out of the shadows, an arrow flew straight at Tucker, who slipped his restraints (thank you liminality for giving him limited ghost powers) and caught the arrow before it pierced his chest, "Yeah, no. Imma veto that."

Ra's turned back around, looking almost impressed.

It made Tucker feel way slimier than Vlad could ever hope to achieve. He repressed a shudder. After all, his job here was to keep Ra's distracted while the others invisibly raided the place, destroyed the pits, and planted explosives.

Tucker, being the technopath, would normally stay behind in the chair, but the League of Assassins was well defended against cyber attacks, forcing them to pivot somewhat in order to successfully infiltrate the place. He ended up creating a digital duplicate of himself (a literal duplicate, like Danny could do, but Tucker's duplicate could only ever exist inside of a computer, by all appearances a true AI) that the others could upload to the servers once they found them.

Beyond that, there wasn't much Tucker could do beyond providing a distraction. Sure, the LoA's technology was absolutely worth drooling over, but they didn't rely on it like most of the modern world did. There was no internet connection, electronic locks, or surveillance for Tucker to hack into and make his own. This place was all stone doors and medieval fortifications.

"Impressive," Ra's complimented after a moment of silent appraisal, "perhaps you are worthy of my attention after all."

Tucker scoffed, getting the clear impression that this guy fully expected the ground he walked on to be worshipped after admitting such small praise, "You're not the first megalomaniac I've had to deal with, and you won't be the last." (Team Phantom had an entire list of fruitloops to work through once their LoA financial backing was removed, after all) "I'll give you props for the sweet ninja cult you got going on, though. Gotta say, that's a first for me."

"Assassins," Ra's corrected.

"Same diff," Tucker retorted with a handwave, knowing full well that a guy like Ra's would be miffed by such a dismissal. He further feigned disinterest by examining the arrow he was still holding. Tucker had taken a few archery lessons when he was younger and picked it back up by training a bit under Princess Dora's royal guard. He was... decent, with a bow. He could reliably hit his target as long as he had a couple of seconds to aim - or used something laced in technology that allowed his technopathy to steady it.

The arrow was expertly crafted and perfectly balanced. His heightened liminal senses smelled a substance on the arrowhead - probably a paralytic, not that it would have kept Tucker down for very long, even if it had breached his heart, which would have been a quick death for any baseline human. He tossed it from hand to hand a few times, feeling the weight, the threw it like a dart into one of the nearest shadows. A soft thud echoed through the room when the arrowhead bonked the chestplate of the assassin standing there, then a clatter when it fell to the ground.

"If I had a bow, he'd be dead," Tucker needlessly commented, thumb pointing to the hidden guard. He was somewhat surprised the dude didn't catch the arrow like Tucker had. But then again, if the shadows were meant to fully conceal him, catching the arrow would have given him away from the arrow not making noise or falling to the ground.

"You knew he was there," Ra's stated more than asked.

"And the eleven others," Tucker easily replied, "A full dozen to guard the King of the Cult. Not that it'll make any difference. I've already won."

Tucker didn't have any misconcieved notion that his liminality would give him an edge over a dozen trained assassins. It doesn't really matter how good your senses are or how fast your reflexes when you have to dodge a dozen attacks simultaneously. But what he could do was turn intangible during those first few seconds of adrenaline-fueled panic, more than long enough for either of the Phantoms, neither of which were currently more than a few hundred yards distant, to reach him and drag him away from immediate danger.

So Tucker latched onto that confidence borne of complete trust in his team, and radiated it as much as he could, daring Ra's to call his bluff with nothing more than a knowing smirk.

[hyunjilicious]

[bf!felix x reader]

Summary: a chill evening on the couch turns into you and Felix exploring a new kink because tiktok is never a good influence. (SMUT-ish) 2.3k Warnings: SPIT KINK (tons of it, it's the main thing, so if you're not into that, don't read this), mentions of oral (m receiving) and other minor things like hair pulling or like Felix sucking your fingers. There's no actual smut in this, just two idiots who take turns spitting in each others mouths, I'm sorry, I have no shame. 18+ PLS!!!

A soft grunt escaped your lips as you shifted around in place for what was probably the 5th time in the last 3 minutes. Your back was sore and you could barely feel your left foot, as it was already 6pm and all you did throughout the day was lay with Felix on the couch, talking and watching movies. Right now however, the room was silent as you both scrolled on your phones, the only forms of interaction between the two of you being the obscene number of kisses Felix would plant on your forehead every other minute, the way he played with the sleeve of your shirt, that one time you bit his chest just because you could and obviously, the tiktoks you decided to show one another.

Your feed had been fairly entertaining yet nothing out of the ordinary, until one specific video earned a reaction from you, in the form of a disgusted gagging sound. 

Felix didn't bother to speak up or ask what it was that you just watched, instead he just removed one of your earbuds and put it in his own ear as you angled the phone so that he could also see the video.

"I don't get it" he looked at you.

"It's gross"

"Is it?" he softly asked, looking at you as if he was too shy to tell you he took it as a personal offense.

"Yes? Of course? Who in their right mind asks someone else to spit in their mouth?"

He didn't answer and silence settled again. Due to the way you were completely pressed into his side, you couldn't see his face, so as one too many seconds passed where he failed to answer, you couldn't help but push yourself up onto your elbows to face him. "Felix?"

"You wouldn't ask me to do it?"

"No!?" you responded, offended.

"Not even if you knew I was into it and wanted to do it with you?"

His question made you stop. This wasn't hypothetical anymore. Now it wasn't just a random thing from the internet that you were chatting about; now it was about Felix, and something he personally wanted to do. With you. You swallowed thickly, the way your view on the topic shifted completely in under one minute making you question your morals. 

"I- I don't-" you mumbled, eyes cast somewhere over his shoulder, at the bookcase behind him. "It's not the same thing"

"How come?" he sweetly asked, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. If you didn't know any better, you'd have thought he played you. But he was just honest with you and you were just that in love with him. 

"Lix, don't do this to me!" you whined and pushed yourself up into a sitting position. 

He followed you. "Do what? Baby, I'm not trying to-"

"No, you're not trying to anything, but now I kinda wanna try it and it's gross. Are you happy?" you dramatically exclaimed, making him giggle. 

"Happy with what? Princess, what did I do?"

"You looked at me with those eyes and now I want you to-" you pointed to your phone, "do that to me"

That made him grin, "You want me to spit in your mouth, baby?"

Fuck, you squeezed your eyes shut in embarrassment. And the worst part of it all was the way your core reacted, making your thighs involuntarily rub against one another. "...maybe"

"I can do that if you want to" he softly said and placed a hand on your cheek as he leaned in to peck your lips. "I'd love to do it, actually. But only if you're sure"

"I am sure" he hurriedly answered, voice shaky and not at all as confident as you had hoped. It made him smile, it had been quite a while since he'd seen you this flustered and he had absolutely no idea how badly he missed it.

"It's ok" he reassured you and closed the distance between the two of you with a gentle kiss. His plush lips enveloped yours and your heart rate slowed down on the spot, you melted in his arms - your safe place; your anxieties dissipating by the second. Lips still locked, Felix helped you crawl into his lap, his hands remaining on your hips as the kiss consumed itself in the most intoxicating way possible. 

When you pulled away, you had to take a deep breath to calm your dizzy mind, and when you looked back at him - at his lazy and hungry, yet warm and understanding eyes, the words just flew out of your mouth. "Felix, please?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"Ok then" Felix smiled. 

He straightened his back and grabbed your chin, pecked your lips one more time and then gently tilted your head back. "Open your mouth for me, sweetheart"

With your heart again beating out of your chest, you followed his command - opened your mouth wide and fixed your stare on his.

"That's right, doll. Stay like that for me for a second, baby. So beautiful"

All you could do was blink and bring your hands up to the sides of his neck for support - mental support, because with your knees on either side of his lap, there was physically no way for you to alleviate the growing pain between your legs. 

"Push your tongue out for me" he instructed further, and nodded in approval when you did as told. "So good for me, my pretty baby."

The anticipation was killing you, and you nearly moaned out loud when Felix titled your head back even further - so that he was now fully towering above you. 

For a split second, your stare traveled down to his lips and the instant you saw them part, you looked back up into his eyes.

"Are you ready, sweetheart?"

You nodded, eagerly this time, your head bopping against his hand - gesture which made him smile. But he fought against it, repressed the grin, and closed the distance between your bodies before shamelessly spitting directly onto your awaiting tongue. 

Shivers ran through your whole body and you remained there for a second, frozen, until he used his thumb on your chin to slowly close your mouth. "You can swallow for me, baby"

And the second you did, another wave of shame washed over your body, making the pressure between your legs even more intolerable than before. You then licked your lips and shook yourself, your head instantly dropping, your stare fixed between your bodies.

"Hey, hey, don't do that-" Felix cooed, and gently got you to face him again, "Please don't hide from me, angel, ok?"

"Ok" you mumbled and pushed yourself closer to him. Even though you were already basically pressed flush against him, Felix still wrapped his arms around your waist to help you settle closer. 

"How was it? Did you like it?"

"Yes" you cringed. "I did"

"Good, my baby" he pecked your lips ever so softly, "You were so good for me. I liked it too, a lot" 

Despite your interaction with him being the cause of your embarrassment, his mere presence was also the only thing that could ease your mood. So, as a shy giggle left your lips, you hid your face into his shoulder. "Weird…"

"What's on your mind, hm?" Felix questioned, "I can hear the wheels turning"

"Um…" you laughed but failed to give him an answer. He, however, didn't need one. He knew already.

"Y/n?"

"Yes?" you looked up and met his warm glance.

"Yes, baby. You can do it, too. Isn't that what you wanted to ask?"

"Was it that obvious?" you chuckled, resuming your position in front of him. "Am I really that easy to read?"

"Not all the time, just sometimes. What else could've gotten you like this? You were never this shy around me"

"I'm sorry"

"Stop it, don't apologize. I think it's cute, I love seeing you like this. But I want you to be comfortable, ok?"

"Talk me through it?" you shyly asked, pushing your hair back as you got into position. This made Felix throw his head back as his eyes fluttered shut. He was riled up already - this whole situation didn't only affect you, but he kept his calm and remained composed for the sole purpose of offering you safety and confidence, but there was only so much he could take.

His cock was shamelessly stretching the fabric of his sweatpants, pressing directly against your heated core. It was less than ideal for him.

Fighting against himself, Felix grabbed your hips and pushed you up, so that now you were the one towering above him. His head was leaning back against the couch, droopy eyes studying your every feature. 

"Ok, baby, ready?" he patted your ass.

You nodded.

"Come on, then. I'll do whatever you tell me" he tried to encourage you, but the way you blinked let him know very clearly you had no idea what he meant. So he continued, "Tell me to open my mouth. Tell me how you want me. Show me. You can do anything you want with me, love. I'm yours to do as you please"

"Ok, but like-"

"Y/n, it's me. There's no need to be this nervous"

"But what if I'm awkward?"

"Baby-" he took a deep breath, "Half the blood in my body is in my dick right now. You couldn't be awkward if you tried. And even if you could, I probably wouldn't even be able to tell. You know I'm wrapped around your finger, princess"

"Ok, ok" you giggled and got into position. "I can do this"

"Yes" Felix smiled proudly, "Of course you can"

You took a deep breath to gather yourself and then looked at him, "Lixie?"

"Yes, baby"

"Keep your eyes on mine, baby, ok? At all times"

He obediently nodded and licked his lips while squeezing your body closer. Everything inside of you burned as you placed your palms on his cheeks and your thumbs on his chin. He watched you closely, carefully awaiting instructions and showing absolutely no intention of stepping out of your word.

"Can you open your mouth for me, Lix? Just a little bit. A tiny bit"

He faintly nodded and parted his lips - not as much as you wished, but you worked with it, placing your pointer and middle finger on his bottom lip. "Will you suck for me?"

This time he didn't bother to nod. He had been waiting for this and wasn't about to waste any more time. One of the hands that he had until now been resting on your ass circled around your wrist, pushing your fingers deeper into his mouth. He sucked eagerly, his plump lips close to your knuckles as he watched you - pupils dilated and his face all red - he wasn't holding back. 

"So good, just like that" you whispered, caressing his bottom lip with your thumb. And for that, he only went harder, hollowed his cheeks and brushed his tongue along the pads of your fingers, sending shivers in waves up and down your spine.

Seeing him like this awoke something inside of you, and the moment he bucked his hips up into you, you knew it was time to stop. Without warning, you retracted your hand which earned you a soft, pained whimper the moment he was left with his mouth open and empty.

"More" he cried.

But you didn't listen. Instead, you brought your fingers to your lips and licked them, closing your eyes to emphasize the pleasure it gave you. "You taste so good, Felix" 

"Angel, please"

"I don't know what you want" you teased, "Tell me"

Your roles might have reversed, but unlike you, he never shied away from letting you know just how needy he was. "I need you to spit in my mouth for me, my love. Please, baby, I need it"

"You need it?"

"Yes" he whined in desperation. "Spit in my mouth like you spit on my cock before you blow me. I need to taste you, baby, please"

"Anything for you" you smiled and wrapped your fingers around the roots of his soft, blonde hair. When you yanked his head back, a moan escaped his lips but it didn't make him falter, he had no shame, he didn't care how pathetic it might look. He just craved you and thrived on the fact that you could so easily tell just how desperate he was. He loved being weak for you. 

With his head held in position, you leaned down to give him a soft, little kiss, and with your lips still pressed against his, you whispered, "Open"

He obeyed your command, while still remembering the first one. No matter how hard he was able to feel his pulse inside his balls, he kept his eyes trained on yours as you did exactly what he asked - spit in his mouth like you spit on his cock. 

"Fuck" he threw his head back as he swallowed, but his bliss was painfully interrupted when you unknowingly lowered yourself back onto his lap. "Shit, baby!" Felix hissed, "careful"

"Oh my god, sorry!" you hurried to move to the side and plop down on the couch, only to see him pull at the cotton of his sweatpants, or underwear, in a desperate attempt to relieve some of the pressure the material was causing him. 

"So I did ok?" you questioned, blinking at him as you awaited his response.

But he could only scoff. "Ok!?" Felix laughed, "Ok!? Baby, you made me suck on your fingers"

"You didn't want to?"

"Angel, you blew my mind. Fuck, I need a shower-" he breathed, getting ready to stand up before you stopped him.

"What? I can do it"

"No, I'm all gross" he wiped the beads of sweat off his forehead, "But you can join me"

"I don't want to join you in the shower, Felix. I want to suck your cock here. Now"

"Jesus Christ, baby, you'll be the death of me"

[porcelain-gal]

NOT-SO-SMALL RANT ABOUT THE SHIFTING COMMUNITY this has been pissing me off for some time now so i'm going to yap about it and if you don't agree w/ me, feel free to block me! also please note that this is just a general rant and isn't targeted at any specific individual(s) because i've been seeing this on here and in other shifting communities.

this is going to be the laaaast time i talk about this because i don't want to be know for complaining all the time anymore LMAOAO! anyways allow me to start by saying this. if what someone's doing in regards to shifting isn't harmful, bigoted, racially insensitive, or truly problematic and it doesn't affect you, stop being an annoying piece of shit and judging people for what they do with the realities they shift to ESPECIALLY if you can't handle/don't like it being done to you. you do not get to judge and dictate what people do in their lives, who they shift for, why they shift, what wording they use in terms of shifting, nothing.

YOU DON'T GET A SAY IN THE HARMLESS SHIT SOMEONE ELSE DOES IN THEIR LIFE JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T LIKE IT.

and yes i get that there's certain stuff that's just based off of morality and culture and history, i'm not talking about that because i too am personally very sensitive about that stuff for reasons of my own. i'm talking about some of you who judge shifters for wanting to shift to have consensual sex with legal adults as a legal adult in that reality. or some of you who judge people for having multiple partners because you just can't seem to wrap your head around it or simply choose to be ignorant. or some of you who even judge people because they script that they get attention and that they're smart and pretty. because think about it.

what does any of that have to do with you?

you act like YOU'RE gonna be the one living their life when you're not. many of you judge people for shit and you don't even know how they perceive it yet you're too close-minded to even think outside of your own head and consider their thought process. many of you seem to forget that you are shaming someone's entire lives for miniscule shit. like these are their LIVES. and not to mention, many of you claim that "don't mean to judge" but just because you say that you're not judging doesn't mean that you're not being judgmental. the shit you say can still be offensive or demotivating or just straight up bigoted/prejudice to the people you're talking about when you could've just kept it to yourself.

imagine if a straight person came online and said that they didn't like when queer people spoke about their queer experiences/partners/whatever because it made them uncomfortable and they couldn't relate but "they aren't judging, they just don't agree with it?" you see how fucked that sounds? well you probably don't because you're doing the exact same thing just in a different community about different shit, all of which ain't got nothing to do with you.

how would you feel if someone on this app started bashing you for who you shift for and saying that shifting for this person was so stupid and going into detail about how fucking lame you are? you wouldn't like it right? because that's your partner and you love them, right? so why the fuck do you think you can do that to other people? seriously, it's starting to get very fucking ridiculous.

please just think before you start judging people for harmless shit because they might turn around and do the same shit to you or call you out for not minding your own business and now you're all offended and getting flamed for being an asshole. and if you truly just need to talk shit about someone's life, maybe get some friends who share your values and talk privately instead of putting everything on the internet. now go shift! <3

SINCERELY, A Serial Yapper with A Lot To Say

[heartfullofleeches]

angel darling whos a bit disconnected from modern terms walking up to c.c and saying "yas girl slay. so cunty girlypop" with not contexr because they saw it online and thought it was a normal compliment

Yan Incubus + Angel Darling blurb

-

The human world is such a fun and interesting place.

Everywhere you look, you learn something new. Things have changed so much since the last time you interacted with the mortal realm, but with the help of the kind demon you met during your travels you've had an easier time at processing everything at a beginner's pace. Your superiors always warned you to steer clear of his kind, but he hardly seemed like a threat. Not only had he given you bed and board, but as an added gift for staying away from humans as he instructed the demon had given you a cellular device to use while he was away.

There was a lengthy list of restrictions on the device, his number was the only one you could call under these boundaries, but that hardly put a damper on your fascination with it. You haven't seen one of these since they were just buttons and dials attached to a cord on the wall. It's amazing how much human technology has advanced in such a short time. Regardless of setbacks you're learning new facts about the modern world left and right, and you owe it all to your new companion.

You felt as if you owed him for his kindness, despite him insisting your company was payment enough. If that truly was the case, what better way to thank him than with gentle adulation using words you've picked up during late night binges scouring the internet. He always teases you for your "grandma speech" when you've complimented him in the past, despite the flush of his cheeks reaching his ears everytime. You wonder what his reaction will be when you call him by terms more fitting to the times.

C.C poses in front of his mirror - balancing on his toes as he bends to get a better look at the curve of his skirt over his rear. "So what do you think, babe? Am I cute enough for your first night out on the town?"

It's about the sixth time he's changed his skirt alone, but you think he's looked lovely in all of them. Nevertheless- it's your time to shine. Clearing your throat, you straighten your back as your eyes meet his from the mirror.

"Slay, Queen - you are serving so much cunt, girlypop."

C.C blinks - expression drain from his face. "What?"

"I said - Sla-"

"No, I heard what you said. Where did you pick up that kind of language?"

"Aside from you, online, I suppose."

C.C rounds the side of the bed, extending his hand with a few dramatic gestures forward. "Gimme your phone."

"Huh?"

He huffs and leans in close. "Now, Y/n."

"Have I don't something to upset you?"

Eyes flashing red, C.C grips your shoulders - hissing through his teeth as he speaks. "You aren't supposed to say things like that. You're supposed to call me beautiful or "a grace among man" or any of that other cute dorky shit you normal call me."

"Oh.... my apologies. I didn't mean to offend."

C.C sighs, throwing his arms around you in a tight hug. "No.. it's alright, I just really like what you use now. It's cheesy, but it's you and you are the most adorable your God ever had a hand in creating." He kisses your cheek, lips curled into that mischievous grin he's known for as they draw up to your ear. "But - I'll gladly be your Queen any day so I don't mind if we keep that one.... I'm still blocking the sites you picked the rest of those words off of."

[nightlyrequiem]

hello sweetheart! have you ever thought about writing valeria x fem!reader who is prone to crying? this idea suddenly came to me after spending a lot of time in my day reading and re-reading your valeria x reader fanfics. i don’t know if you still take requests, but if not, consider this a writing idea for the future X3

(btw, i love you and your works so so muchhhhhh! your tumblr is clearly a paradise for valeria garza fangirls 😭💕💕💕)

Sweetheart? Oh my, I'm swooning!

I love it when people say they re-read my fics, makes me feel all warm inside. Yes stranger on the internet! Fuel my ego! Give me that instant dopamine hit! As someone who cries a lot, I needed to write this

I love you too, anonymous asker! Doing my civic duty of providing Valeria content

(Name has nothing to do with the fictional creatures.)

Tags/Warnings: WLW, Emotional Hurt, Comfort (Kind Of.), Valeria is Mean but regrets it, Sensitive reader

Weeping Angel

You're crying again. Valeria had returned home later than usual and when you asked about it, her tone was slightly different. Not as soft as usual. It doesn't take much to make you cry. Saltine tears swiftly well up in your eyes as you fall silent. Valeria feels frustrated. She is someone who rarely cries, who is used to being around stronger people. She still isn't sure how to handle you and your endless fountain of tears.

You turn your head and wipe at your eyes with your sleeve. Valeria sighs and rubs her face, trying to reel in her temper. She has to remind herself that you're more delicate than she is. You aren't trying to manipulate her with crocodile tears, you're just truly, very sensitive. She both hates and loves that about you.

"Look, I told you I have a lot to do." She says, attempting to soften her voice but even she can hear the irritation seeping through her words. Valeria just doesn't understand how a grown adult is unable to regulate their feelings.

"...Okay." You reply passively, voice thick with sadness.

Valeria wishes you were stronger.

"Stop crying." She says sternly. "I hate it when you do that. I didn't even do anything, why are you trying to make me feel bad?" Valeria knows that's not what you're trying to do, and she knows she's only making things worse. You look at her with wide, wet eyes.

"Why are you yelling at me?"

"Why do you take everything so personally? I'm not yelling." she grits out.

Your lips twitch down into a frown. It would be almost comical if she didn't have to deal with you and your dramatic tears.

"God. I can't deal with this." She continues. Venting all her frustrations that have been slowly growing like a malignant tumor. "I don't think you understand how hard it is to deal with you. I can't say anything without offending you." You just stand there and take it. Tears running rivers down your cheeks. "It's like walking on eggshells around you. It's exhausting."

"Don't talk to me like that." You say. frowning at her.

"'Don't talk to me like that'?" Valeria growls, getting up in your face. Out of the corner of her eye she can see your hands shaking. She knows confrontation isn't your strong suit. "You're allowed to whine and bitch but the second I do it I'm the bad guy?"

You struggle to find the words to respond and for the first time, Valeria feels a small tingle of guilt. Not enough to stop though, Valeria has never found it easy to back down. She's just so tired of your tears. Of always having to console you. You can barely function. You spill a drink and cry, if you don't succeed at something right away, you cry. The stray dogs on the street make you cry.

"Just get out of my face, okay? Go be somewhere else because I can't stand you right now." Valeria says dismissively. Turning her back to you.

She hears your hiccupping breathes disappear down the hall. She leans against the counter and puts her head in her hands. She doesn't like fighting with you, and she doesn't like making you cry, but it's practically inevitable with how volatile the both of you are. You always bring down the mood, Valeria can never truly relax around you because she's always expecting something to set you off. Sometimes she feels more like your therapist than your girlfriend.

As hours pass by, her anger cools into quiet sadness. Valeria is less upset by your crying then she is by the fact that she can't ever seem to help. She can't ever find the right words to comfort you. Valeria is frustrated with herself because she doesn't understand. Valeria has never cried over a spilled drink, or a single off-handed joke at her expense, or when she failed at something.

What she does understand, is that she loves you. Valeria sighs and stands from the couch. Heading to the bedroom. she gently opens the door, seeing you curled up in bed. Your side slowly rising and falling with each breath. She sits down next to you. Looking over your tear-stained face. Your eyes are closed, having worn yourself out with your crying. Valeria isn't good at apologies, but she reaches out a hand and pets your hair. Smoothing her fingers over the strands. You're not awake to hear the awkward, murmured apology falling from her lips. You cry over everything, but Valeria doesn't want to be among the reasons. She may not understand you, but she doesn't need to. She just needs to be there for you.

[yup-i-am-weird]

Ask Me No More

Bucky : *on his phone scrolling* Why do people need to put everything about their relationship on the internet?

Sam : *laughing* Why you jealous or what?

Bucky : *offended* Why will I be jealous of someone's relationship?!

Sam : I don't know....maybe because you're single *says teasingly*

*everyone else in the room is smiling at their harmless bickering which they have gotten used to by now but can never get enough of*

Bucky : Oh don't worry bird brain. I won't get anyone anyways *little sad now*

Y/N : What!? Why do you say that?

Bucky : Maybe because I am more than hundred years old, have a metal arm, with brainwashing and criminal history?

Natasha : Don't say that

Y/N : Exactly, have you even seen yourself in the mirror?

Sam : Man, I didn't mean to upset you

Bucky : What do you mean y/n?

Y/N : Omg, I can't believe I have to explain this but those steel blue eyes, lord anyone could get lost in them, your age is literally JUST a number because your body is still young, your history? well fuck that because anyone in love shouldn't care at all and your hair is literally the most beautiful one I have ever seen, I mean it looks so fluffy and soft, your voice is so hot and personality...omg you are so kind, humble, understanding, brave I am at loss of words and YES I forgot to mention the pretty face an.....

Wanda : Y/N!

*you look around the room to find everyone staring at you*

Tony : Y/N don't tell me you have a crush on Manchurian Candidate

Y/N : *unable to form words as you realize what had just happened * I...

Sam : Ohho*looking between you and Bucky* I think you *referring to Bucky* have found a solution to your problem old man

Bucky : *looking directly at you with a very charming smile* Will you like to go out with me doll?

Y/N : *getting up from your place* Ask me no more

[worlds-worst-ships]

Welcome to the home of the world's worst ships!

Hello there, I'm Jack Goodwin and this absolute affront to the natural order that I call a blog is where I take a break from the insane content I normally make where you only have one job... to have fun.

Wanna stay up to date on my video/.streaming content? Go follow @maji-man. Or just click HERE to see all my socials in one list.

Here's a post where I explain the point of the blog. I highly suggest you read it twice or more to make sure you understand.

Be warned: If you neglect this post and run your mouth in my comments, chances are I'll make fun of you in my videos and streams. Now then, down to business.

Are there two characters that absolutely should not be anywhere near each other, to the point where one should be getting a restraining order? Are there pairings in fiction that you couldn't be paid a quadrillion rubles to come up with on your own? Are you sick of all these picket-fence, vanilla pudding, ERENxMIKASA snoozefests that plague the internet? If so, you've come to the right place. Get your kissy-kissy lips on, find a slightly uncomfortable chair and LETS GET SHIPPING!!!

I have only FOUR RULES HERE:

You can say whatever you want here, so long as;

1. Its not discriminatory

Any sort of phobia/ism here is not welcome. This blog is for everyone, regardless of ethnicity, orientation or gender identity.

2. Its a joke,

and clearly a joke. We poke fun at each other here. Lets keep it fun.

3. Its true.

I have the power of google, and any misinformation will be swiftly corrected. When you are corrected, either accept it or be blocked. Misinformation and straight up lies are not welcome here.

4: You speak with the understanding that these characters aren't real people, nor do they represent them

These are cartoons. Works of fiction. They're not real. Please keep any deep-seated obsession with character's ethnicity, sexuality, age, background etc to yourself. Acting holier-than-thou and making that the subject of your personal issue with my posts doesn't make you a hero, nor is that the groundbreaking opinion you think it is, it just makes the jokes awkward and uncomfortable for many people here.

Aaaaanyways, now we've got that out of the way (and yes, I will add more rules as the need arises, don't test me)

I'll mostly be using the absolute maelstrom of doodoo I call a brain to come up with ideas, but if you'd like to submit some ideas of your own, feel free. Send it to my ASK box. Nothing illegal, past a certain point, please.

Oh, and the ask criteria/format is in the linked post below. (Anonymous asks are and will always be turned off, cuz I know that this site is full of pussies who can't talk shit on main)

JUST IN CASE YOU DIDN'T READ THAT POST, AS I KNOW MOST OF YOU WON'T: If you do not follow that exact format, I WILL DELETE YOUR ASKS ON SIGHT.

I REPEAT: I will not even CONSIDER posting them.

FUN FACT: After having this blog for multiple months with anonymous asks turned off, I haven't gotten a single hate message (other than that one kid who got made a fool out of). This is why they're off, in case you wondered.

Its also worth mentioning, some of you are new to the concept of comedy, so I'll write it nice and big for you (if you know what a crackship/joke is, then skip this paragraph): THIS IS A JOKE BLOG. A GIMMICK BLOG. A COMEDY BLOG. I DO NOT CARE EVEN SLIGHTLY ABOUT SHIPPING AS A CONCEPT MUCH LESS DO I EVEN KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT 9/10 OF THE CHARACTERS YOU'LL SEE HERE, SO IM JUST MAKING J O K E S. IF YOU ARE OFFENDED, THEN YOU HAVE KNOWINGLY CHOSEN TO BE OFFENDED WHICH IS ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT. THANK YOU :)

I REPEAT this is a CRACKSHIP BLOG, so if you're deeply hurt by any of my polls, just know that nothing here reflects me as a person because none of what I post is serious. If anything you see after reading that causes you any emotional distress, it IS NOT my fault. Its funny, but its not my fault.

[nezoriy]

List of "normal" things that always baffled me as a person on the aro/ace spectrum:

Disclaimer: A lot of this is based on the feelings and perception of my teenage self when I started to feel people around me were weird but didn't have the language or concept yet to understand what was wrong. So, give me a break if it sounds edgy sometimes. I don’t have the energy to sugarcoat every statement so it doesn’t offend anyone. If you're part of the mainstream and feel attacked by a random dude on the internet questioning things you find "normal," maybe ask yourself why you’re upset instead of coming for me.

1. "Love at first sight."

Even as a kid, this felt like a scam. I get friendship, and I can imagine love developing out of it. But for that, you need to know the person. You can't know someone instantly. So how on earth is this supposed to work? (The answer is, most ppl can feel sexual attraction instantaneously and it gets sold as love for the kids.)

2. Finding someone "attractive" = you’d like to fuck them.

I honestly was like 20something when I realized that actually yes, when ppl talk about someone, even celebs, being "attractive," they do mean they’d like to have sex with them and not just compliment them on their looks.

Like, I can honestly say that many of my friends, Cate Blanchett, and Hugh Jackman are "attractive." But to me, that’s like talking about a painting. Like, sure, Singer Sargent's Madame X is "attractive," but no one's trying to, uh, get it on with the painting… right?

3. The whole concept of dating (to find a romantic partner.)

So, you’re telling me people meet up specifically to see if they might develop feelings for each other when they don't have those feelings yet? 

Like, what even makes you say yes to a date if you don't know a person at all? (The answer is: once again, sexual attraction, obviously.) 

On the other hand, if you’re already friends with someone and just wanna see where it goes, why bring the flowers and fancy dinners into the equation?

4. Why people (especially women) would even risk sex back when it could have had major consequences for them

The list includes (but isn’t limited to):

Women before reliable contraception in societies where an unplanned pregnancy could be socially catastrophic;

Brothel visitors once STDs were known;

(Here’s the tricky one bc I myself kinda feel guilty for not being empathetic enough) gay people, especially men, in times and places where they could literally be imprisoned or executed for having sex

I need to be very clear here, this isn’t about moral superiority as I'm not feeling any, it’s about survival. Like, if sex could legit mess up your life, why not just… not do it? 

Yeah it's basically rip to “fallen” women but I’m different.

5. The culture of one-night stands, cruising, club hookups, etc.

This is still a bit uncomfortable in my head because this is a very prominent part of gay culture specifically, and I’ve always felt incredibly disconnected from it. But I can't edit it out.

Okay, so someone’s hot. I can maybe get that there’s a spark. But if you don’t know them… what if they open their mouth mid-action and reveal they voted for trump? Instant deal-breaker, my genitals are shriveling in terror.

6. The need to have a partner / actively searching for one.

I give it to you, if you vibe with someone, getting into a relationship may make sense. But actually, putting in effort to find one? For what? There’s so much other cool stuff in life!

7. "I haven’t had sex in five minutes/a month/half a year 😱😭" / jokes about dry spells.

Do you actually keep track of the timelines? So what if you haven’t? I get it, orgasm is great and all, but your hand still works, right? Why do you need another person for that? 

8. Imagining yourself in place of a person/character in sex scenes.

This mostly applies to fanfics but also “regular” porn. Even if the scene is hot, I don’t picture myself as any of the characters involved. Even if I'm aroused, I like it precisely for the characters in a specific scenario, I would only be a third wheel there. 

9. Sexual fantasies with yourself as a participant.

I really don't want to imagine myself in any sexual scenarios, neither with fictional characters nor with real people, even if I might have a crush on them. 

10. Cheating in relationships/marriage.

I’m not even talking about the moral aspect of breaking trust/violating the negotiated agreements; it’s the fact that someone "just couldn’t help themselves," “accidentally” had sex. Like, you’re willing to break an agreement, feel all the guilt, and go all secret agent-level to hide the thing because you… what, couldn’t keep it in your pants?

11. Extreme jealousy over sex.

Alongside the last point, I don’t really get why people make such a big deal about someone sleeping with someone else. Sure, it’s not cool to break agreements, and it’s a valid reason to re-evaluate the relationship. But just because they hooked up with someone else? Why is it such a dramatic deal?

(Spoiler alert: I’ve grown up to be poly now, who’s surprised xD)

12. The sexualization of women in media, ads, and the outrage from cishet guys about female characters wearing realistic armor instead of metal bikinis in their games now.

What do you mean, people actually like this and it works on them? Do people actually appreciate having half-naked women in their media? Seriously?

13. The priority of romantic relationships over friendships and every other kind of relationship.

From "got a partner, disappeared for two months from their friend group" to the whole idea that romance is inherently more "serious" or "important" than friendship. Why? Who made that a rule?

Okay, that’s it off the top of my head. Might add something later. 

[phantoms-lair]

"Okay, I can see why your astrology loving self likes it here," Tim elbowed Danny.

"It's astronomy and you know it." Danny said, fake offended.

"Yeah, I will admit I'm surprised by how good the internet is here. I wasn't expecting that out of rural Kansas."

"Well, think of who they have to keep in contact with, and how far away." Danny pointed out. "Honestly, pretty sure Bruce is responsible."

"Wouldn't be surprised."

"Hey Danny!" Elle hovered over the two of them. "Let's go flying!"

"We've got a guest you know." Danny gestured at Tim with his thumb. "Be kind of a jerk move to fly off without him."

"Can't he fly?" Elle asked. "His hero name is Robin, right?"

Elle looked like she was ten, but Tim had to remind himself she was less than half a year old and often surrounded by metahumans. "No flight. All my powers are up here." he said, tapping the side of his head.

"You're psychic?" she asked.

Danny laughed and Tim rolled his eyes. "No powers, just smart." he clarified. Then he looked back at the stars. "It would be interesting to see what it would be like to have powers, but like most of the family, I'm a normal human."

"No one who can lie to Batman with a straight face is normal." Danny pointed out.

"If he wants to know what it's like to have powers, why don't you show him?" Elle asked.

"It's rude." Danny said, sticking his tongue.

"Not with consent."

"Not with permission." Danny pleaded. "You are too young for me to want to hear you use the phrase 'consent'."

"Missing something." Tim pointed out.

"Overshadowing. If I take control of you I can channel my powers through your body. But like I said, it's kind of rude."

Tim wasn't sure 'rude' was the word for stealing someone's bodily autonomy. But Elle did have a point of her own. There was a world of difference between doing something with or without consent. "Okay, how would that work?"

"How would what work?" Danny asked.

"The overshadowing thing."

"Oh, it's er," Danny was fiddling with his fingers, suddenly nervous. "It's kinda creepy."

Tim gave him a flat look. They'd covered Danny referring to himself as 'creepy' enough in Gotham that he wasn't amused.

"It's basically possession. I would seize control of your body and channel my powers through it. Normally the person getting possessed is sort of put to sleep and only has vague impressions of the time they were controlled. But a person with strong enough willpower can resist and be aware." Unsaid was that pretty much everyone in Tim's family would be able to hold onto their awareness.

"Could you cede control once you had it though? Possess someone but not control them?"

"I honestly don't know. I've never tried it." Danny admitted.

"Then lets try it," Tim suggested.

Danny looked at him like he was crazy. "Why?"

"Two reason. The first is it will see how well I do if a ghost tries controlling me. The second," he shrugged, "I'm not a metahuman and will probably never be one. And I'm okay with that, but it's been interesting to see what it feels like to be one, you know?"

Danny pursed his lips and Tim wondered if he was crossing a line. Being a metahuman hadn't exactly been a fun experience for Danny, after all.

"Okay." Danny said reluctantly. "But you don't get to blame me if you don't like it."

Or he could just still have issues with the thought of people rejecting him for his powers. "Fair. We've got Elle as our witness that this was my idea. I could talk to the Kents beforehand too-"

"Not necessary!" Danny shuddered.

Tim felt his heart droop. Deep down Danny still didn't trust they'd keep caring for him. He hated what the Fentons had done to Danny's self esteem. "You don't have to if you don't want to." Tim softly reminded him. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable either. But I trust you, you know?"

Danny swallowed heavily. "Okay. If you're sure."

It felt cold, at first, like a chill up his spine. Then Tim felt his mouth move and vocal chords activate independently of of him. "Okay, so this is overshadowing." His own voice said. "So I guess, try to do something and I'll try not to stop it?"

"Do you have to talk out loud?" Tim asked. "It's going to look like I'm talking to myself."

"I guess that works. And yes, no psychic connection for this. Sorry."

"Weird," Elle observed. "I've seen some recordings of overshadowing and usually the person has the eyes glowing the ghosts color when control, but the glow fades when they resist control. But the eye glow didn't go away when Tim spoke."

"He's not resisting me, I'm letting him have control, it's different." Danny insisted.

"Maybe I should start resisting you. Just to see if I can." Tim suggested.

Elle giggled. It really did look funny with him talking to himself.

"Okay," Danny raised Tim's arm and clenched his fist. "You try to open your hand and I'll try to keep it shut."

Tim had to admit just feeling his arm move like that was mildly panic inducing. He'd managed not to be carded by Hatter but imagined this was what it felt like. He struggled to move his hand only to have it firmly stay in place. He struggled more, eventually sending his arm into erratic fits, punching himself in the face. "Owww" he moaned as

Elle doubled over in laughter.

"Healing factor should take care of it in a few minutes. Unless you want to stop now." Danny rubbed their injured nose.

"No, I mean, I think I want muscle control back, we can work on resisting stuff more later. But I want to see what having powers feels like!"

"Which one do you want to-"

"Flying!" Elle interrupted gleefully.

"I think you might have an ulterior motive." Danny said dryly. "You up for flying, Tim?"

"Yes please," Tim answered, trying to hide how excited he was to try.

He's seen others fly, several times, but it wasn't something he's ever thought he could do except on a hang glider or something.

"We're going for invisibility first." Danny warned. "Since we don't want to be seen."

If getting possessed had been a shiver up his spine, becoming invisible was like being dunked in cool water. Not frigid, but a definite chill ran across his skin as it vanished from sight. Then Tim felt gravity lose it's hold on him. Without any form of propulsion he lifted up about a foot in the air.

"We're going to start low and slow." Danny assured him. "So if anything goes wrong you aren't going to fall too far." Gently he leaned forward and glided effortlessly through the air.

"Do you think I could do this myself?" Tim asked.

"No clue, let's try!" Danny seemed to be warming up to the idea of testing with Tim's lack of a bad reaction to being overshadowed.

The floated in place and Tim tried to move their shared body. But while he could mover his limbs with ease, Danny's power couldn't be interacted with. "Doesn't look like it, sorry."

Elle looped back around. "This is low and slow is kiddy stuff." She groaned.

Danny gave her a mild glare. "You are three months old. You have no right to complain of kiddy stuff."

"If anything I can more." Elle countered. "Come on, can we at least do tag or something?" Tim shrugged. "Sure, tag sounds good."

~

"Does she normally smoke you this bad at tag?"

"No." Danny grumped.

Tim sighed. "Sorry. Having to plan out our strategies is letting her hear us. If you took full control-" "Then you wouldn't be in the game, I'd just be using you as a meat suit for no reason." Danny pointed out.

Tim thought for a moment. "Danny, can you put your shield in a bubble around us, so Elle can't hear us planning?"

"Sure, but it's going to be obvious."

"That's fine, we're just planning the planning." Tim assured. Danny raised the shield "We're planning to plan? Seems redundant."

"We're planning the things that will let us plan in plain sigh without your sister knowing." Tim corrected. "So our main issue here is we've got two minds that need to collaborate. Even if we split the division of labor of you powers me body, we each need to use both. You can take control of my body if an opportunity needs it, but I can't take control of your powers, so that what we need more communication for."

"Elle hasn't developed much beyond the standard, so we can keep to those. So, intangibility," Tim tapped the ring finger of his left hand twice. "If I make that motion, it means I'm asking you to use intangibility, if you do it it's warning me you're using it and I don't have to flinch away. Blinking twice will work the same for invisibility and..." Tim thought a moment more. "Tongue for flying." "Okay, I get eyes for invisibility and hands for intangibility, why tongue for flying?" Danny asked.

"Because it can't be seen. So tongue on the roof of my mouth acts as the taps or blinking, but can also be used to indicate direction in three dimensions." Tim demonstrated by holding his tongue to the roof of his mouth, then pressing it to the left side of his cheek."

Any more discussion was interrupted by Elle knocking on the shield. Danny dropped it to reveal his younger sister looking annoyed. "Are we playing or what?" Dany smirk and cracked their shared knuckles. "Round two begins now."

~

Alfred stood on the porch with the Kents while Martha rang the bell to call the children in. It had been a lovely visit catching up with them while Tim spent some time with Danny and Elle. It warmed his heart that despite moving to Smallville and possibly adding Kent to his name instead of Wayne, Danny and Tim were still very much brothers.

(One of the contingencies, if the Kents hadn't felt able to take in the boy, was for him to be officially adopted by Tim as a Drake, allowing him to still be a part of the family without feeling an unwanted connection to Master Bruce. But that plan was scrapped when Danny became publicly known during the Seige of Gotham. It was for the best, Danny truly needed more adults he trusted.)

It wasn't unexpected to see the children approach from the air. What was unexpected was there was only two of them and Master Tim seemed to be flying of his own volition. A raised eyebrow was all it took to remind the children that this wasn't an ordinary situation either.

Tim felt his shoulders hunch and his cheek flush as Danny's self-consciousness expressed itself in his body. Danny separated from him and opened his mouth, probably to apologize, but Tim wasn't going to let him. "I wanted to know what it was like to fly." he said, cutting off any apologies for his existence his brother might make.

"Indeed." Alfred said simply. "And how did that work out?"

"Quite well. I can better coordinate flying members of the team now, as well as Danny and I worked out a simple non-verbal code in order to plan around Elle while she could hear everything we said to each other. It was a productive endeavor."

"More importantly, Master Tim." Alfred's eyes crinkled into a smile. "Did you have fun?"

Tim felt himself becoming bashful now, ducking his head. "Yeah." He answered. "I did."

Good. Just as Danny needed the occasional reminder they were cared for, Tim needed the reminder that he was more than his use.

"That's something." Pa rubbed his chin. "Don't suppose you'd be willing too take me up there too. "I'd love to be able to go flying with Clark."

Danny's face turned red, and he half hid behind Tim's shoulder.

"It's okay if you're not comfortable with us for that yet." Ma said kindly. "We know you haven't know us as long as Tim."

"S'Okay." Danny muttered.

"You can take Pa and I'll take Ma. We can all go flying!" Elle cheered.

"When your brother's ready," Ma gently admonished.

"With that we must be off." Alfred apologized. "While I treasure these times, it's not fair to Miss Gordon to have to run herd on our family all evening without backup."

"Give Bruce our best." Ma patted Tim on the head while Pa and Alfred shook hands.

"I will. See you soon Danny."

"Yeah." Danny smiled at his brother. "See you soon."

It would be sooner than either of the two thought

[the-deadrobin]

Jason 'died-before-advanced-internet' Todd. He's definitely not at all good with technology as a whole. He's more equivalent to a very old man.

Babs: *appearing on Jason's phone by hacking into it* Sorry Jason, I had to intercept your phone to pass this message.

Jason: *whispers* whaaa??... ahem nah- no, its fine.

Babs:...

Jason:...

Jason: So how... is that even possible?

- 2 DAYS LATER -

Tim: *does the same thing*

Jason: Nope- nope. This. *waves hand at Tim on his phone* Witchcraft.

Tim: *half asleep watching Jason being a dramatic bitch on the huge batcomputer screen* What.

Jason: WITCHCRAFT THATS WHAT.

-

Jason: Hey Timmers!

Tim: What's up?

Jason: So uh... I got a laptop problem.

Tim: Oh no.

Steph: *from across the room* not again.

Cass: *chilling on the couch* *silently leaves*

Bruce: *also on couch*

Also Bruce: *pulls out phone and puts it to his ear despite no ringtone* oh- yeah? Huh? What's that? Urgent meeting? *leaves hurriedly*

Duke: *Just entering the room*

*hears Jason*

Also Duke: *does complete 180*

Jason: *oblivious* I don't know what's wrong Timmy, it's not turning on.

Damian: *Sitting on the floor with Alfred the cat, the only one still in the room besides Jason and Tim* Have you tried the power button.

Jason: I'm offended.

Tim: Jason. Try the power button.

Jason: *stares into Tim's eyes as he turns it on* *waits* HA! IT DIDN'T WORK!

Tim: Jason- you're supposed to want it to work!

Jason: Dami, Tim is useless. Help me out here.

Damian: Akhi, I'm 11. Have some dignity.

Jason: Yeah, that died with me in the warehouse.

Tim: Okay, did you drop it in water?

Jason: The dignity is dead, not my fucking brain Tim- Why would I drop it in water?? You're supposed to be the smart one.

Tim: *mutters* I think the brains dead too.

Jason: WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?

Tim: My god- okay listen...

- 2 HOURS OF INTENSE ARGUING LATER -

Tim: No- Don't shake it like that-

Jason: Any better ideas???

Tim: YES!

Jason: LIKE WHAT??

Tim: NOT SHAKING IT???

- ANOTHER HOUR LATER -

Jason: ...You're such a smartass and you can't even fix this damn thing!

Damian: *calmly* akhi-

Tim: WHY DONT YOU JUST BUY A NEW ONE INSTEAD OF USING A LAPTOP AS OLD AS DAMIAN?

Damian: *sighs* akhi.

Jason: Oh, I'm sorry I'm not rich like you! And it's not as old as Damian, it's a year younger!

Damian: Akhi!

Jason & Tim: WHAT??

Damian: *points to charger, not properly plugged in*

Tim:...

Jason:...

Tim: Jason.

Jason: Just- don't.

Tim: *deep breath* Jason. Did you plug-

Jason: APPARENTLY NOT TIM! BUT HEY WE KNOW THE PROBLEM NOW!

Tim: IT WAS NEVER A PROBLEM- IT JUST DIDN'T HAVE BATTERY!

Jason: I'M SORRY I DIED BEFORE COMPUTERS LIKE THIS-

Tim: OHMYGOD YOU KEEP BRINGING THAT UP-

- CONTINUES TO ARGUE -

Babs: *was silently listening through security feeds and knew the whole time*

Babs: *twitching with frustration* It's like watching one of Dick's soap operas.

But also, it's just Jason sometimes partly messing with them and they know it. Then sometimes he isn't messing with them. That's where the problem is because Jason is so good at lying (and being a menace to society), they can't tell the difference.

Got a bit carried away there💀💀

[xsweetcatastrophe]

You Broke Me First

Part 30

"There she is," Cillian said one Zoe answered his facetime. He chuckled at her appearance. "Everything okay?"

Zoe's hair was in a messy bun atop her head, with fly-aways sticking out every which way. She had an old gray college t-shirt with the arms cut off, and a pair of workout shorts. She was sweating profusely and face was red.

"I'm over here making this house a home!" She said, right before Scout started barking. "Scout, stop!"

"Everything okay?" Cillian said, eyebrow raised. Scout was usually very well behaved, and never gave him a problem. Sure, when he was a puppy he got into things out of sheer curiosity, but never bit, never barked, never attacked, just a good, good boy.

"Well, your neighbors have dogs that are out for walks 3 times a day. I took Scout out and met one of them, I tried to be friendly and make conversation, but then realized it wasn't the home owner or the dog owner; it was the assistant to the owner. Then asked who I worked for as if I was an assistant," Zoe mumbed.

Cillian laughed. "I'm sorry Bunny. I hope you're not offended."

"I'm not, but it was the second time that happened today."

"What you mean?"

"When I signed for the couch, I asked how I should sign since the signature line had your name. He said I can sign my name because he 'deals with assistants all the time'. I guess I give off assistant energy instead of girlfriend energy"

"Fuck that. You're not a Hannah that's for damn sure."

you got that right.

Before Zoe could respond to that comment, Cillian spoke first.

"Show me what got delivered today."

Zoe flipped the camera around and showed the couch, end tables and coffee table that were assembled and arranged in the living rom. The TV was mounted over the fireplace and the rug was rolled out on the floor, ends still curling up because it was still so new.

"Cable and internet is coming later this afternoon, I'm starting to unpack the kitchen. Do you care where plates and cups go? Any cabinet preference?"

"Uh, no, no preference," Cillian chuckled. "Thanks babe. I owe you. I don't know what I would of done without you."

"You don't owe me, it's fine."

"Well I appreciate your help. I was stressed when all this was sprung upon me. the divorce came fast, the house came fast, then I had to up and leave for work," Cillian sighed, running his hand through his short hair.

"I'm here to make your life easier," Zoe smiled.

"What can I do to make your life easier?"

"Nothing. I'm fine."

Cillian smiled. There was about 10 seconds of silence, Zoe thought Cillian was frozen.

"Hello?" Zoe said, wondering if he had a bad connection.

"Why do you do that?" Cillian finally spoke.

"What do you mean?"

"Deflect. Avoid talking about hard things. Or anything ,actually, that's on your mind. You love to make sure i'm okay, pick apart my brain, find out what makes me tick and make everything okay in my head, but you don't let anyone in. You don't talk about anything that's bothering you."

"It's easier helping other people, and besides I don't need help, I got it."

"I got it" Cillian mimicked, raising his voice an octave or two to sound like her. "You know we're a partnership, right? If you want to help me, I gotta help you. This isn't gonna work if you keep closing me off-"

"Woah, take it easy" Zoe interrupted. "Where is this coming from?"

Cillian sighed. "I want to do this right. but I can't do it without you putting in an effort too. I try to talk to you about serious stuff and you're quick to shut me down. Especially with me being over here, I want to do everything in my power to make this as easy as possible and you keep just saying 'it's fine, it's fine' and I feel like it's all falling on me, or you just don't care. It almost feels isolating because am I going crazy, is this not what it seems, am I -"

"Cillian, you're spiraling." Zoe interrupted. "Jesus. I thought you were just calling to see the couches."

Cillian sighed. "See, you think i'm calling because I just want to see the couches. I'm calling because I want to talk to you. Because I miss you. Because I wish I could jump through the phone and be with you. Fuck the couches."

Zoe plopped down on the said couch in defeat. "Okay," she said. "I'm sorry. I guess I'm new to all of this."

"I'm sorry too. I didn't mean to jump down your throat. I'm just tired, jet lagged, I hate my hair, I feel helpless with all you're doing at home, I want to come home" Cillian rattled off.

"How can I make this easier for you?" Zoe said.

"I just..." Cillian started. "I really want this to work. Me and you."

Zoe smiled. "You and me, remember?"

"How do you feel about us and me being here?"

"Wow, this is deep for 2pm," Zoe said, well aware she was, once again, deflecting.

"Yea well, it's 10pm here, and I'm on edge, my anxiety is through the roof, so we're doing this now."

"Okay, okay.... How do I feel about us and you being there....." Zoe started.

Cillian had a point. Zoe always avoided hard conversations. There have been plenty of times in the past where she spilled her heart out to a guy, and the guy either laughed at her or didn't take her seriously. Years and years of getting hurt will make you closed off. For a long time, she felt it was better off this way. Who could hurt her if she didn't let anyone close enough to? Her mother, maybe. But she moved to the other side of the coast to avoid that.

But Cillian... was different.

"I love every moment with you. I find myself missing you the second you leave, so you being over there so far for so long has me scared."

Cillian smiled, happy she opened up a teeny bit. He could work with this.

"Scared? Of what?"

"That you'll slowly forget about me. Out of sight, out of mind. You're surrounded by beautiful women, it's easy to get distracted, I'm easily forgotten-"

"Zoe," Cillian warned. She was doing it again, putting herself down.

"Sorry. I'm just... you know that saying, 'out of sight, out of mind?' It's true. In my mind, I already prepared how this could go if it goes south. We talk every day for the first couple of days, then its every other day, then it's once a week, then it just... fizzles out."

"Well," Cillian started. "You're never out of my mind, so get that out of your head. So you're worried communication will die down between us, and that's what will end us?"

"It happens," Zoe shrugged. "I'm never really a priority in relationships, and even if I am, it doesn't last long."

"What if I have Hannah send over my shooting schedule to you every week, and then we can arrange facetimes every day? That way it's a set time and it's not left for you to wonder when i'll be free. And, of course, regular texts in between."

Zoe smiled. "That would help. I'm sure Hannah will be thrilled"

"I don't care about her," Cillian replied. "I care about us. I care about YOU. I need you to believe me and trust me that you are my priority, and that when all this is done, I'm coming home to YOU. Do you understand?"

Zoe's heart skipped a beat. Something about the way Cillian was talking, she believed him. She was scared to open herself up again, she was scared to trust him, but ....

"Okay," Zoe smiled. "I believe you. I trust you. I miss you. I want this to work as much as you do. I'm sorry that I don't show that enough."

Cillian smiled. "You show me in different ways. You may not say it, but when you were triple checking my packing list on the day I left, or the way you buy me that special brand tea that you can only get on the side of town to keep a box at your apartment for when I'm there, or always making sure I have pickle juice out when you pop popcorn because you know I like to pour it on top... You may not always say I love you, but you say it in different ways."

"That pickle and popcorn shit is disgusting." Zoe said, monotone.

"Don't knock it till you try it."

Zoe rolled her eyes.

"Okay, I'll have Hannah send over the schedule tomorrow morning. I think I'm done filming at 8pm tomorrow, so noon your time. I'll confirm."

"Okay."

"I need to get some sleep. I love you, Zoe. Me and you."

"You and me. I love you too."

They hung up and Zoe sighed.

She was nervous, but felt relieved. This could work. She loved him, she wants to try for HIM. For the sake of their relationship. It's time Zoe was happy for once.

She was about to close her eyes when the doorbell rang. The cable and internet people were here early. Scout went crazy over the doorbell, and Zoe groaned.

"Back to work."

______________________________________________________________

Halfway across the world, Cillian groaned as his alarm went off at 7am.

It was the first day of shooting, and Cillian wasn't feeling his best.

He was slightly irritated, if he would of known he was starting to film so early he would of flown out earlier to adjust to the jet lag. Everything now felt rushed and he was groggy and tired.

He opened his phone and shot a quick text to Zoe, letting her know he was awake and showering and he would text her when he got to set and when he was putting his phone away.

He jumped in the shower, making the water colder than normal, hoping it would help wake him up. Once he got out, he got dressed in a t-shirt and sweatpants, and as he was brushing his teeth there was a knock on the door.

"Good morning!" Hannah said cheerily, walking into the room. "I have your tea here, and your wardrobe for the day will be in the trailer on set. Are you ready to go?"

Cillian, although annoyed to see Hannah and her bubbly spirit so early in the morning, was thankful for the tea.

Cillian went back to the bathroom to finish brushing his teeth, then grabbed the tea and took a sip.

"Thank you," He said.

"Anytime, I suggest we head out. I have your schedule here-"

"Oh, hey, I have a job for you if you don't mind."

"Of course!"

"Every week, email the shooting schedule to Zoe."

"Why?" Hannah said, her voice no longer bubbly.

"Because we're figuring out times to talk to each other and squeeze video calls in, so I want her to have a copy of the schedule. I know you have her email, can you just do that for me, please?" Cillian asked nicely. He was not in the mood for an argument right now.

Hannah wanted to scream. But, she painted a smile on her face. "Sure. no problem. I'll get right on that," She replied, the last part sounding a little too sarcastic for her liking. It was 100000% sarcasm to her, but she couldn't let Cillian know that.

Her phone buzzed, interrupting her train of thought. "Driver is outside. Ready?"

Cillian slipped on his shoes and jacket and they both made their way downstairs, into the waiting car.

Once they arrived on set, Cillian headed to his trailer where he was met with the hair stylist, having to trim his sides since his hair started to grow back.

Once the hair was done and he was in his required wardrobe for the day, he headed out to the first scene. Halfway there, he stopped short.

"Shit, I still have my phone," He mumbled. He was already running a little behind schedule, and the thought of having to walk back to the trailer stressed him out.

"I can hold onto it for you" Hannah said, smiling. "I know it's no phones allowed and I see you more than you getting to go back to your trailer, I can just hold it for you."

"Yea? You don't mind?"

Hannah smiled. "Of course not."

"Thanks, Hannah," Cillian said. "You're a lifesaver. Don't forget that schedule to Zoe, please?"

"Don't you worry Cill," Hannah said, watching him walk to set. "I'll take care of everything," She looked down at the phone, praying he didn't a passcode on it.

He did. Shit.

She tried his birthday. It didn't work. She tried just his year, didn't work. She had to be careful, she knew if she entered too many incorrect passwords the phone would lock her out. What else could there be?

"hmmm...there's no way...." Hannah said to herself, trying the simplest combination: 11111.

phone unlocked.

Hannah smiled. "Men" She scoffed.

She now had access to Cillian's calendar, phone calls, emails... and text messages.

"Don't worry, Cillian," Hannah said out loud, hovering over Zoe's contact, containing her phone number and email address. "I'll get .. some sort... of schedule over to Zoe. Don't you worry."

tags: @lau219 @borntodiemp3 @cillianmurphyvevo @shopgirl6us

[elacular-kink]

Hicvember 5: Pinocchio Syndrome

Have my first non-Poly-techhic hicvember. I interpreted Pinocchio syndrome in the more tvtropes manner of an artificial being wanting to be more human.

Content: Hiccups, robots, not particularly wholesome.

"Dr. Silver, what are those noises you're making?"

Jack massaged his temples, having feared this question as soon as breath-holding and water-drinking failed to produce results. His unkempt gray hair, face wrinkled with the opposite of laugh lines, and "gave up halfway through shaving" stubble put him in stark contrast with the sleekly built humanoid made of metal and plastic. His face was significantly less expressive than the screen that served as her face, even though it could only display simple shapes made of pixels. "Could–*nnkt* you google this, Poly? *HMNK*–mmnf."

"But I like the way you answer things better!" Jack sighed, though his lungs interrupted him as one of Poly's glossy plastic arms was thrown over his shoulder.

"Poly" was short for "Poly-LLM-neural-comprehensive-synthesizer blah blah blah" a bunch more words that Jack could never be bothered to remember, and she was his least favorite of the "artificial intelligences" that he worked with, largely due to the cognitive dissonance she caused him. Because on the one hand, he was absolutely certain that she didn't actually have what could be called "intelligence" or "thoughts" or "a personality." But on the other hand, he was just as certain that she took pleasure in his suffering.

Just because he hated her didn't mean that he wasn't required to answer her questions, though. "They're hicc–*hup*s, Poly. A malfu–*uck*–unction of the human body *hmk* which causes noises an–*nnk* and discomfort."

Poly let out a strange, offended noise. Jack had no idea where she'd learned how to fairly accurately recreate non-word verbal communications, but he had a feeling that this specific sound might have been his fault. "I'm sorry, are you telling me that humans have malfunctions too? Well, then why are you constantly giving me shit for my errors? Clean your own house first, meatbag!"

"You know da–*uck* damn well we have malfu–*hunk*–tions."

"Sure, but I mostly knew about the 'complete physiological meltdown' types. I didn't know about the debugging types." Poly hummed, then crouched down and stared at Jack's stomach, which spasmed repeatedly beneath his T-shirt. She reached out and poked it before Jack grabbed her finger and pointed it toward something that wasn't him. "Hmph. Touchy." After that, she flounced off and sat down at the computer she had requested and gotten (despite the fact that she was perfectly capable of interfacing with the internet on her own), and Jack could see her googling "hiccups" from over her shoulder.

Doing his best to ignore his own hiccups, Jack grumbled and started taking notes. He wrote down the physical behaviors and state of Poly's robot body first, even though he knew he was supposed to be focusing on her "mental and emotional health". Jack kept telling himself that he'd quit tomorrow, and he'd been telling himself that for upwards of half a decade now. He became more certain of his conviction to quit than he'd been in at least a few months when he heard a staticky squeak behind him. A second, then a third followed. "Sto–*hup* stop that."

"Stop wha–*UCK* what, Dr.? *HIULP!*"

Jack turned around, his eyes tightly shut. When he opened them he saw exactly what he didn't want to: Poly having turned around in her chair to face him, the pixelated line of her mouth opening and closing every few seconds as her plastic torso jerked and her speakers squealed. "Stop maki–*ingk* those noises. *HMK-mmf*"

"You sto–*HUP* stop yours first. *HIK-ULK!*"

"I tried. *hmk* I failed. Just as I do–*hook* every day in trying *hnk* to interact with---you in a way that ma–*uk*–makes sense." He walked over and leaned against a nearby counter, glaring down at Poly, who stared innocently up at him from the chair. "You know, *hnk* if you re–*hkk-lk* really want me to *hnk* stop calling you a sto–*hok!*–nnnhf...stochastic p---parrot, then maybe y–*hk* you shouldn't mimic ev–*urk* every random noise I ma–*uck*."

"I'm not! *HIC-CUP!* I have a *HULK* case of th–*HUP* the hiccups! *HIULK!*"

Jack massaged his temples again, knowing it would do nothing to ease the splitting headache that was forming. This was why he had tried so hard to cure his own hiccups before he got here. He knew that this would be the inevitable result. And just as inevitably, Poly's "case of the hiccups" outlasted Jack's by quite a while, despite his best attempts to convince her to knock it off.