#if you're gonna come on this post and scream that I don't have An Accurate Grasp Of The Situation then save it. I'm not interested and I

[musical-chick-13]

I really don't want to make this a political blog, but there is. A big difference between "Neither of the major parties are on board with my values"/"I have criticisms of everyone in the political sphere"/"the political system is inherently flawed, I wish we had better candidates to pick from" (or even, "Wow, there is so much on both sides that really sucks! No one here is a particularly great person!")<-all of which are fair and things I actually do agree with, and "Both sides are, in every single way, on every single issue, literally completely the exact same."

[rubra-wav]

[ Entry #9 ] Various Vox headcanons

A/N I've got a post coming up about what I think it'd be like to actually date him coming up, (alongside Snap part 2 ofc, I'm just taking my time w it to try keep things accurate) so here's some points which will lead into that next post + other misc stuff I've been thinking abt.

Cw: SFW above cut, NSFW below cut - 18+ MDNI, reference to manipulative behaviours

SFW

- While drunk, he's both very affectionate and cute but also gets really sad and clingy. If you stop paying attention to him for even a second while he's gonna start bawling like a giant baby. It's also the only time he's truly 100% honest with how he feels about you.

Basically; the mask falls right off, so he doesn't like to get drunk around people. He will deny all that's been said or done during this.

- He doesn't need to sleep but likes to - when he sleeps tho he doesn't really sleep in the traditional sense but instead goes into a preset 'sleep mode' for a specific set of time. He can also be rebooted remotely if you need him up before he's programmed to wake up again. (I discuss more abt this type stuff in entry #4)

- Follow up point: when he dreams while in sleep mode, his dreams play on his screen. He often dreams about becoming essentially king of hell and having people worship him like a god.

If you bring this up, he will be embarrassed as all fucking hell and will also deny it vehemently.

- He ends up getting water damage fairly often because he really loves swimming and aquatic environments ironically.

He's of course got ways of waterproofing himself properly, but usually he will do it badly or just not give a fuck about it and go swimming impulsively.

Will complain like a bitch after getting water damaged as well, holy shit. Blames everything but himself about it.

- Follow up: if you ever take this man to an aquarium on a date, he's going to be so fucking excited about everything he's seeing.

He will be trying to contain himself, but he may end up letting the mask of calmness slip at points and just start randomly talking a million miles an hour about whatever shark, fish, sea creature, etc. He's seeing. He loves sharks so much.

- Somewhat follow-up point: If you 1. don't tell him to shut up about shit when he starts getting excited and talking really fast and loudly AND 2. Actually listen?

He's gonna be so goddamn happy. Holy shit.

He's used to being told to shut up when he starts talking about ideas he has for a new VoxTek project, so if you give him feedback and your thoughts on it once he's done info dumping? He's gonna start internally screaming because he's so happy about it.

- Follow up follow-up: He doesn't take criticism well though. In fact, he's a baby. If you're in a relationship and you've gotten him out of his bs a bit with his ego being fragile as shit about everything, it'll be better but still pretty bad.

He needs reassurance that just because you disagree or think (y) would be a better alternative than what's his (x), that you still think it's a good idea, lmao.

- If you wear blue light glasses he can't hypnotise you, and he absolutely fucking hates it. In an argument or confronting him, you just put on bluelight glasses and cross your arms, and he's so annoyed about it.

You'd need to start wearing blue light glasses, because this asshole will be trying to hypnotise you into forgetting things if you see something of him that he deems 'undesirable' about himself for you to see.

- He's such a colossal attention whore that the second you are doing something thats not to do with him or talking to someone who isn't him, he's gonna be pissy asf about it.

Think glaring at you while pouting and loudly tapping his foot. He's such a little shit 💀

- He's so intensely touch starved it's not even funny. If you're doing anything his hands are gonna be on your hip, your back or your shoulders.

He desperately wants to be physically close to you but he also will never normally instigate cuddle sessions because he thinks it's embarrassing that he wants them so badly. If you instigate them, he will absolutely love it.

Just not in public, though. If you try to be super affectionate or maybe even affectionate with him at all publicly, he'll be pushing you away telling you to wait until later.

And will get mad if you try get a bit defensive about it with him.

NSFW

- He has barely any self-control and ends up getting unintentionally excited really easily - even in situations where he really shouldn't be. If you as his partner are cuddling him, sitting in his lap, touching his neck, or god forbid the ports, he's gonna get hard so quickly it's not even funny.

Him being touch starved is really a double-edged sword because he wants to be near you, but also he gets unintentionally way too physically excited about it and ends up embarrassed asf most of the time.

- Kinda follow up point: I feel as if he's extremely repressed sexually in general. He works extremely long hours to maintain his control over everything single day, and considering his tendency to start zapping things when he gets closer to finishing / overwhelmed, he'd likely not be taking any chances at all with that.

So when he gets physically near his partner alone (and also not even alone), his body just kinda goes 'time to make up for lost time'. 💀

- Most sensitive erogenous zones on him (outside of his dick obviously) are his neck and ports. I'm not sure if him having ports for nipples is canon or not, but if it still is, those are the more sensitive ones. The ones on the back of his head are still an absolute killer, though.

If you kiss his neck even softly, he'll be tensing up, and if you're kissing him or cuddling him and gently brush up against the ports on the back of his head, or your chest brushes against his and brings him nipple stimulation - he's gonna be getting a boner as quick as it gets.

- He doesn't really care too much about his partner's height, but I get the vibe that he'd have a size difference thing and would love a partner who's smaller than him (but not tiny still)

It would trip his ego so much to be able to physically look down on people in general, but with a partner? He'd be going mildly insane about it but in a different way.

Wear his clothes, and they're massive on you? He's gonna be turned on as absolute hell by that. Especially if it's one of his button ups and its neckline is plunging and giving him an eyeful of your chest.

He can easily pick you up and pull you against him in whatever way? Goes absolutely nuts about it.

I love it when I try to go,'this will only be short', then my brainrot takes hold, and my ideas just keep flowing. 💀

Masterlist

[judesmoonbeauty]

Fairytale Final Assessment 1st Anniversary SE: Jude Jazza's Epilogue ཐིཋྀ

Fan translation only. Not 100% accurate. Please expect grammatical errors. Cybird owns everything. Feel free to re-blog, but please do NOT post my translations elsewhere.

CW: Brief mention of castration. Translation notes are marked with *** Alternate translation is marked with/// Hour Glass Banners Credit: @/natimiles ཐིཋྀ

Kate, your work has reached my ears. Thank you as always.

Therefore, I would like you to evaluate one thing.

I wonder if Jude, who is cursed, is worthy of the Crown.

After reading the letter from Her Majesty several times, I finally understood. 

Just the other day, Jude and I were engaged in a battle over the Fairytale Keeper Continuation Agreement.

(Does that mean I'm going to assess Jude this time?)

(You're giving me the opportunity to make a fair judgment. Her Majesty is indeed very open-minded.)

(If it's an assignment, I have to face Jude properly and submit a report!)

There is no mention in the text that the person should be kept in the dark.

I mean, the quickest way to do that is to ask Jude himself about it, and his intentions to stay at Crown.

Jude: I don't know anything about that. When you ask someone for something, shouldn’t you pay them for the information?

(I can't for the life of me believe that he will tell me honestly….)

(Come to think of it, I never asked Jude in depth why he was at Crown.)

It’s said that he dared to sign a contract with Crown when Victor suspiciously approached him with a tearful face, I’m sure…. I’m not wrong that it was to get information you need.

(I guess I have no choice but to observe Jude...)

Ellis: Your brow’s wrinkled. Thinking?

Kate: Oh, Ellis. 

Kate: Just in time! Do you know where Jude is today?

Ellis: It seems like Jude went on a mission after showing up at work. What's wrong?

Kate: Actually...

When I explained the reason, Ellis smiled.

Ellis: I'm joining Jude after this, so let’s go together.

Ellis led us to a pub with a suspicious atmosphere even though it was daytime.

There, Jude was in the middle of a cruel and merciless judgment.

Jude: Oy, no runnin’ away. The story is your usin’ illegal sleeping pills, messin’ ‘round with girls, and sellin’ ‘em off.

Scoundrels: Guh….!

Ellis: Kate , if bottles start flying, it won’t be safe, so stay here and hide.

Ellis: I’ll be there.

Kate: Ah, yes! Ellis, be careful not to get hurt too.

Ellis: Jude, here you go.

Jude: Tsk, what’re ya waitin’ for?

Ellis: I'm sorry. I'll try a little harder to make up for my tardiness.

I watch Jude and Ellis fight together from the shadows.

Liquor bottles and people lightly fly through the air, and the sound of blows rings out.

(Hmmm...this is what it means to scream.)

(This is supposed to be a Crown assignment.)

Jude does not follow the orders of others unconditionally unless the conditions are acceptable.

Therefore, there must be a reason why Jude accepted this mission.

In the meantime, everyone had fallen to the ground.

Jude: What, ya think I'm gonna kill ya? I’m not gonna to kill ya.

Jude: There's a coal mine at the far end of the country, and I thought it’d be fun doin’ manual labor there.

Scoundrels: ……. A coal mine?

Jude: Before you go to a cold, dark, and fun place, I'll give you a present.

Jude: Ellis, take ‘em to the black market surgeon later. Hand ‘em all over to be castrated.

Ellis: Yeah, okay. If it makes you happy, Jude.

As the thugs screamed in despair, Jude put a cigarette in his mouth and lit it.

Jude: The prevalence of inferior products is proof that the drugs weren’t distributed sufficiently.

Jude: ……Guess we’ll just have to handle it ourselves.

Jude's company eliminates the value of inferior products by distributing the correct products.

(That’s how Jude tries to eliminate evil at its source.)

Thanks to all the time I've spent, I had unintentionally come to understand Jude's way of doing things.

(The method may be as radical as ever.)

(But, there are somethings you can not protect with a straightforward approach. That’s why…)

Kate: Jude is absolutely essential to Crown…..

Jude: So, how long are you going to be sneaking around in there?

Kate: ….ah.

I was thrown onto a bed in a room at the back of the pub, and his hands restrained me while lying down.

Jude: You’re a real bad princess for peeping without permission. 

Jude: So, what are you up to now?

Kate: That’s…..

Jude: I could torture ya and make ya spit it out. You're a pervert who expects to be tortured, aren't ya?

I could smell the scent of sandalwood wafting from Jude, and my body temperature seemed to rise once.

Jude: Ha. Why’re ya lookin’ so hopeful? Ya really are a pervert who likes things that feel good.

Kate: T-that's wrong! Actually- 

Jude: Hmmm, reverse assessment.

Jude: That's just like that woman who loves fairness. ***

Jude: So, ya followed me ‘round to review me. You've come a long way.

Kate: As for following you around without telling you, I'm sorry.

Kate: But thanks to that, I was able to reaffirm what’s important to me.

Jude: What?

Kate: You are definitely suited for the Crown.

Jude: Ha. Who d’ya think ya are?

Kate: I’m a fairytale keeper. Hehe, I think I can write a good report with this.

Kate: I'll write it perfectly, so you can rest assured, Jude. Well then, I'm -

Jude: Why’re ya tryin’ to go home? There's no way ya could just spy on me and go for free.

Kate: Eh.

Jude: There's another matter to tend to.

Jude: I just need a decoy. You love hide-and-seek, don't ya?

Kate: A decoy!?

Jude: Poor thing. Ya wanna go home, but can’t. Pay the price for sneaking without permission.

Kate: Oh, come on….!

Jude: Those defiant eyes are so temptin’.

Amethyst eyes looked down at me cruelly becoming distorted.

Kate: In the report, you know I can write down all of your actions, Jude.

Jude: Write, write. However…

Jude leaned forward and looked into my face.

Jude: You...wouldn't you be lonely without me?***

Kate: …….

Kate: That’s not true….!

Jude: Huh. What are ya upset ‘bout?

[Master List]

***白々しい This appears to be a nuance: Jude’s being insincere about the Queen’s apparent fairness. It can be rendered white-wash, insincere, bare-faced (lie), shameless, but I felt that this was used just to explain his insincerity or doubtfulness in the Queen. ***Just to clarify, Kate is essentially threatening that what she writes in her report about Jude can cause his dismissal from Crown. So, that's why he tells her to write it, but.....she'll miss him, won't she?

[that-one-random-writer]

Chasing you Chapter 2 {Complete}

Summary: Jake retires from the military honorably. He steps into a new roll, ready to settle down in his hometown of Texas. He is placed on your shift. Your current relationship is stable until the dust settles, revealing cracks in the foundation.

Warnings: Cursing, violence, police experiences based on truth, accurate on most accounts of law enforcement, it might get gory at times. Be aware of blood, drugs, and all things law enforcement. Smut eventually. A/N may have my true experience attached if you're interested. All real names redacted.

Chapter 1. Next chapter. Masterlist.

Seresin sat trying to zone out the rambling of Jordan. "I ain't going in that damn jail, yall are gonna have to drag my ass."

Kennedy grabbed his phone and called the jail sergeant. "Hey, we got a live one. Just be ready." He clicked the phone back off. Knowing the sergeant heard the man behind the glass between the front and back of the vehicle.

He pulled into the gate, and it closed as they parked. Kennedy stepped out and pulled the back door open. He and Seresin pulled the man out and dragged him into the slider doors. They put him against the wall, and a jail officer patted him down. They got him in a cell and closed the door. Jordan didn't struggle much besides screaming he wasn't going back, as he was, in fact, back in a jail cell.

"Jordan is back?" A female booking officer spoke to Kennedy.

"Yeah." Kennedy grabbed the paper and started filling out the information and charges. He pointed out the seresin the spots to fill. He handed him the paper and Jordan's ID. Then his phone started ringing.

"What'd you find?" Kennedy spoke. "Shit that much. Yeah, that's definitely Trafficking... and paraphernelia. Yeah, babe, I got it. I'll get that added. I'm getting Seresin to fill it out." He paused for the response. He chuckled. "Yeah, I got it. Dinner? Shit, you gotta buy that. We saved your ass. We will discuss it later. See ya."

Seresin filled out the paperwork, only asking a few questions from the booking officer.

Kennedy turned around, seeing the paperwork filled out, and the female officer leaned over the counter. "Wow, the navy. What was that like?"

"Well, you know it was easy for me. I've had some confirmed air to air kills. It's nothing, really." Kennedy scoffed at Seresin's smug grin.

"Come on," Kennedy put the booking sheet on the file and walked out the slider doors. Seresin nodded to the officer and walked out behind Kennedy. "I scored us dinner." Kennedy got in the driver's side.

He sat in his seat and dialed his phone, hitting the call button before starting to drive off.

"Hey!" You answered your phone and continued patrolling the area.

"Marilyn baby, have I told you your hair looks incredible today?" Kennedy spoke up through the speakers using your favorite nickname.

You rolled your eyes. He couldn't see it, but he just knew your reactions. "Where do you want to eat?"

"The place with the burgers that you love... Bucks..." Kennedy trailed. Turning down the road towards the zone he was posted at.

"You know I hate that place and the burgers." You turned your car around towards bucks already irratated at the whining Kennedy was about to do.

"You don't like Bucks?" Seresin spoke up before Kennedy got the chance to try to convince you.

Kennedy smirked. "Two against one. HA! Up top!" He held his hand out to Seresin, highfiving him.

You parked in a spot in front of Bucks. "Great, now I have two idiots to fight with." You grinned, laughing at the celebration of the pair. "I'm here, so you'd better hurry up. We dont have long."

Seresin laughed as the phone hung up. "Your girlfriend is buying?"

Kennedy chuckled. "Monroe? She's not my girlfriend. She's with some nine - to five office guy."

Seresin chuckled. "You say that like it's a bad thing. Are you jealous?" Watching the cars pass by. Then, he turned back to Kennedy.

Kennedy scoffed. "No, we're not like that. He's just boring. I've met him a few times, and it's worse every time I see him. The dudes got the personality of white bread."

"White bread..." Seresin laughed, repeating Kennedy's dig at your boyfriend.

They both pull up parking next to you. Seresin gets out trying to stop his laughter.

You all walk in, immediately getting a table and menus one of the few perks of being an officer in the south, people understanding the rush if a call comes in.

Seresin sits next to Kennedy in the booth. You take the other side.

"So how'd it go with Jordan?" You eyed the menu. Nothing peaking your interest.

"It was the usual. Just yelling and hitting the cell door. I'm sure booking already took him to a different cell. He is a maximum security inmate, especially when he is doped up, but my new companion here..." he placed a hand on seresins shoulder. "was flirting with one of the badge bunnies." Kennedy chuckled, lifting his hand back to the table.

"I was not flirting. I was being nice." Jake defended. He looked through the menu, tightening his brows together.

"I wouldn't mess with one of them if you like your dick clean." You spoke softly so no one around you could hear.

"Air to air kills? What did you do before this?" Kennedy remembered the things Seresin said to the officer.

"I was a naval aviator. I was the best of the best. I retired this year." Jake's chest lifted. He sat down his menu.

Your eyes flicked up, noticing Seresin's smirk. It was familiar, but you couldn't put your finger on it. You lifted your eyes to his as he was looking at Kennedy searching for the answer.

Kennedy looked over to see you staring intently. "I gotta join the military. I guess it gets all the ladies."

You looked over at him, scoffing, catching Seresin's attention. "As if. I just know him from somewhere." You directed your attention back to Seresin. "I don't know where, but I know you."

Seresin smirked. "I don't know. I've never seen you before. Maybe it was in your dreams."

"Smooth man." Kennedy laughed.

"Take some notes, Ken, honey. Maybe then you can finally get a real girlfriend." You bit back at him.

Kennedy held his heart. "Ouch."

Seresin laughed at the pair. "You'd better apologize to your woman. She's becoming the way I like 'em, feisty."

Your laugh carried across the table. "Sorry, Seresin. I'm in a very serious relationship. You'll have to find another fiesty woman."

Seresin met your eyes, leaning back comfortably. "I heard."

You leaned in slightly. "I wonder where you heard that from?" You looked Kennedy up and down.

Kennedy chuckled. "Nothing bad. He thought we were together."

You laughed, placing your hand over your mouth to keep the volume down. "You thought..." Your laugh stopped your words.

Kennedy laughed along with you. "Yeah, I told him that it wasn't like that. Then I told him about your boyfriend, who is just a real fun guy."

"He's practical. Good with money, takes care of me, the sex is decent." You defended.

Seresin lifted his brows. "Decent." He chuckles. "It's worse than what you told me." He glanced at Kennedy.

Kennedy shrugged his shoulders.

"Well, what about you, Seresin? What is the Mrs. Like?" You tried to direct the conversation away from your relationship.

"There is no Mrs. Seresin yet. I haven't found anyone worthy of carrying the name." He lifted his arm, his bicep flexing, as he rubbed the back of his head. "My name comes with some background. I can't just let a practical woman have it."

You rolled your eyes. "He's a good man."

"Yeah, I'm sure the settling is comforting." Seresin met your gaze.

You looked into his eyes knowing you've seen a pair just like them before.

[star-going-supernova]

I just finished reading Flood And Firestorms on ao3 and all I have to say is: Good God I LOVE IT, the way you described Henry at the start was very accurate when it comes to depression and I absolutely loved the way you described Henry snapping, Dad!Henry has always been my all time favorite thing in this fandom and seeing him go absolutely feral for his Ink toon was a sight to see, and belive me I was internally screaming with delight when Henry whent for Willson's head (literally) because that crispy old man deserves hell.

And the Studio, Oh god THE STUDIO! You said you liked the idea of Henry being conected to the studio in more ways than one? My sibling in christ I FREAKING LOVED IT! Just know if you ever feel like adding that to any other fic one day I'll be eating that thing up like it's my last meal. The way you described the entire studio reflecting Henry's emotions in diferent ways made me do little flappy hands because it was SO GOOD! And goodness my heart melted when Henry went to confort Bendy.

I just know that if your Henry ever gets the chance to see Memory!Joey he's gonna give him a very deserved punch in the face and some really mean words.

All in all, it was a great fic with basically everything I wanted and even more I didn't know I needed. I'm really glad you're back to writing for BATIM and I'm looking forward to whatever you post next

Hope you have a good day and Merry Christmas! (If you celebrate it), don't forget to hydrate!

🥰

asdkfn;asdkdhjkf thank you!! ❤️❤️❤️

I'm so glad you enjoyed it, friend! I loved writing it, from the dad!Henry to the studio reflecting his emotions to his victory to his comforting Bendy.

I'm happy to be back, I'm having so much fun with fics for it. :D

Thank you, friend, you've absolutely made my day with this! Merry Christmas and happy holidays!

[withleeknow]

lmao not the big work screen that's brave of you here's another one but less 😵 and more 🥰 vm.tiktok.com/ZGe378eMP/ - genuine q. concerning 🐹/🐈‍⬛: when are we never in the rabbithole??? *complains about the microwave*- *proceeds to feed the microwave* speaking of, hi welcome to your en-o'clock era 👀 this compilation is the most accurate preview of what's in store: vm.tiktok.com/ZGe37yXGA/

icl seungmin and mimo in ate?? still not over that bridge + that genre of mimo? i'm thinking the Δ composition = fwb/fboy!mimo + pining-bsf!seungmin 😶‍🌫️ WT: I CAN HEAR THE COGS TURNING + SENSE THE ANGST FROM MILES AWAY ISTG WOMAN THE REVEALLLL I'M GONNA SCREAM 🕊🦋

“what am i doing with an enhypen album” im crying 😭😭 consider yourself ✨️ influenced ✨️ she really is the prettiest - I didn't realise just how cute/cozy their photoshoot concepts were for inceptio 🥺 also asia!! 💓 whereabouts are you headed?

i'm surprised you're still here bc 🥟's given us not one but TWO ig lives this week 😭😭 AND THE TOUR CLIPS SO FAR?? BANGCHAN??! SMILEY MIMO W/ HIS BLUE HOODIE? THE THUNDEROUS STAGE?!!

i'm already on ep 27 bc i'm a fast watcher lol but YOOOOOOOO why did nobody tell me about niki 😭 he's ADORABLE YO, my new son omg i immediately adopted him. the most precious baby someone protect him at all costs 😭 also i've been looking at sunghoon lol we're pleasantly surprised. i had zero clue about his personality but after watching this, hello....... interesting....... just hear me out - he reminds me of mimo sometimes :o personality wise and also in some shots he looks like mimo to me lolll. ALSO i'm sure you've probably seen this but it came up on my explore page the other day and i watched it like 20 times in a row lskdfhalsd 🤣

2min △ 😭 we need to stop being on the same frequency bc i thought about it once and while a hyunho △ has the potential to run along lines of being in lurv with your buddy's gf, a 2min △ just has to stem from (childhood) best friends :o

i'm equally excited and nervous to post wt7.5 bc while i like some of the bits in this one, idk how people will receive it bc yk... angst. but we'll see in a few days akskjshd 😭

i'm going to vietnam for like 3 weeks hehehe. OH and i keep forgetting to tell you, my friend is going to music bank madrid and she asked me if i wanted to come too. unfortunately i'm out of paid leave and i have a jonas brothers concert (in my defense i bought the ticket last august before all the drama 🤣) a couple days after that, but imagine if we both to music bank together 😭 that... would be kinda insane methinks

🥟 has been so active with his lives lately i'm so in love with him :((( that newlywed life is treating him well i see, i should be their roommate i don't mind thirdwheeling

everything about the tour is driving me crazy. the setlist (although no charmer is a major L for me, rip), the looks, the solo stages (i cannot tell you how in love i am with mimo's hair. i'm still trying to process it), the merch especially the mood lamps and the stress balls (i caved and ordered a foxiny one) and the new skzoos doing UPPIES I WANT THEM SO BAD (and look oh my god they can hold hands) I CAN'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I WANTED SOMETHING SO BADLY 😭 i love that while everyone else was doing horny numbers and getting freaky on main, seungmin had a mike wazowski guitar moment and mimo had a babygurl stage lolll. ngl i couldn't really focus watching the thunderous performance bc they were SO sparkly lmaooo i love the babygirl-esque fits 😂

[beepboop358]

A Prom in S4 Theory & Music Coding Predictions

Some leaked set pics indicate that there MAY BE a junior/senior prom at Hawkins High, which they are calling the "Lover's Ball". It's unclear if this prom will be included on screen, or if it will just be mentioned as an event coming up at Hawkins High because this flyer could just extra set decor. Regardless if the prom happens on screen or not, there will probably be some tension about 'who's asking who' to the prom that we will see in s4. Given that this picture was just leaked a few weeks ago, it probably falls closer to the end of the season sequentially.

Having a big school dance in s4 is suspiciously close to how they had the Snowball scene in s2. This would certainly follow the even/odd season patterns, (and actually add to the list of the patterns), which kind of makes me think we will see this prom on screen, or at the very least it will be mentioned in the course of the season.

The Duffer Brothers love Steven King and reference his work and especially 'IT' a lot in the show, but they haven't done anything with Carrie yet so maybe we will get a Carrie moment this season at the prom...

Carrie was on the video store fridays movie inspiration board for ST4.

At the "Lover's Ball", there will be definitely be some music coding relating to Byler. Since music coding is kind of a key thing in the show, I've been rifling through 80's songs to try and find some that may fit with s4's themes/character storylines (and I may do a seperate post about that later), but for this post I'm just gonna focus on what they might use at the prom for relating to Byler.

Since the season is most likely going to take place in 1986, I only selected songs that had a compatible release year so it would be historically accurate. (these songs would also be great for a byler playlist!)

Some strong contenders for the songs that might play at the prom to reference Mike and Will's relationship could be:

"True Colors" by Cyndi Lauper (1986)

This song is honestly too good of an option for them not to use. I'm reallllyyy crossing my fingers for this one.

It's hard to take courage In a world full of people You can lose sight of it all And the darkness inside you Can make you feel so small

"And I see your true colors Shining through I see your true colors And that's why I love you So don't be afraid (don't be afraid) To let them show your true colors True colors are beautiful (you're beautiful, oh) Like a rainbow Oh oh oh oh oh like a rainbow"

If this world makes you crazy And you've taken all you can bear You call me up Because you know I'll be there

"Heaven" by Bryan Adams (1984)

This first verse is literally just the story of Byler... 😭 The rest of the song applies but that verse verse is just sooooo accurate. (I'm crossing my fingers for this one too)

"Oh thinkin' about all our younger years There was only you and me We were young and wild and free Now nothing can take you away from me We've been down that road before But that's over now You keep me comin' back for more

Baby you're all that I want When you're lyin' here in my arms I'm findin' it hard to believe We're in heaven And love is all that I need And I found it there in your heart Isn't too hard to see We're in heaven

Oh once in your life you find someone Who will turn your world around Bring you up when you're feelin' down Yeah nothin' can change what you mean to me Oh there's lots that I could say But just hold me now 'Cause our love will light the way"

"Take My Breath Away" by Berlin (1986)

This song is on Will's Spotify playlist, and I thought it could also be used at the prom since it's a romantic song. I see it as an 'entrance to the prom' moment song, almost like a 'first look' - like the Mike and El moment at the snowball when she first walks in, but with Mike and Will this time. I think the lyrics clearly hint to this kind of 'first look' moment as well.

"Watchin' every motion in my foolish lover's game On this endless ocean, finally lovers know no shame Turning and returning to some secret place inside Watchin' in slow motion as you turn around and say...take my breath away"

Watchin' every motion in this foolish lover's game Haunted by the notion, somewhere there's a love in flames Turning and returning to some secret place inside Watchin' in slow motion as you turn my way and say...take my breath away"

"In The Air Tonight" by Phil Collins (1981)

This song was originally meant to be included in the snowball scene from s2, but it ultimately was not used and "Every Breath You Take" was used for this scene instead. Since it was intended to be a part of the s2 dance, that's why I think it may be used at the prom this season. (you can read the scripts on 8flix)

——— I forgot to include this explanation originally BUT, I think this song might be used to show some anger/resentment between the two, and to show a decent amount of tension, depending on their development this season. Like maybe Mike is kind of leading Will on in private by continuing to initiate intimate scenes between them, but in public Mike is still trying to put on his “straight boy act” and kind of being a jackass about it, and this song could be used to show the tension between them that has caused.

"And I've been waiting for this moment, for all my life, (Oh lord)

Well, I was there and I saw what you did I saw it with my own two eyes So you can wipe off that grin, I know where you've been It's all been a pack of lies.

Well I remember, I remember don't worry How could I ever forget It's the first time, the last time we ever met But I know the reason why you keep this silence up

No you don't fool me The hurt doesn't show, but the pain still grows It's no stranger to you and me"

"In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel (1986)

Some of the lyrics in this song just SCREAMS byler, just look at the 1st, 2nd and 4th paragraphs. I would be suprised if they didn't use this song in either s4/s5.

Love, I get so lost sometimes Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart When I want to run away I drive off in my car But whichever way I go I come back to the place you are

All my instincts, they return The grand facade, so soon will burn Without a noise, without my pride I reach out from the inside

In your eyes The light, the heat (in your eyes) I am complete (in your eyes) I see the doorway (in your eyes) To a thousand churches (in your eyes) The resolution (in your eyes) Of all the fruitless searches (in your eyes)

Love, I don't like to see so much pain So much wasted and this moment keeps slipping away I get so tired working so hard for our survival I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive

"Heroes" by David Bowie (1975)

David Bowie was bisexual. A cover of his song “Heroes” is used in the show twice already, sung by Peter Gabriel. The song plays when they pull Will's fake body out of the water in season one and Mike cries in his Mom's arms, with some very queer-coded lyrics in the background, and after Hopper's letter in s3 (which is very Byler-centric)

"I will be king. And you, you will be queen 'Cause we're lovers, and that is a fact. Yes, we're lovers, and that is that. Though nothing will keep us together. We could steal time just for one day We can be heroes forever and ever. What d'you say? I, I wish I could swim, like dolphins, like dolphins could swim I, I can remember (I remember) Standing by the wall (By the wall) And the guns shot above our heads (Over our heads) And we kissed as though nothing could fall (Nothing could fall) And the shame was on the other side. Oh, we can beat them forever and ever. Then we could be heroes just for one day We're nothing, and nothing will help us Maybe we're lying, then you better not stay But we could be safer just for one day"

I just thought the above songs might be some highly likely possibilities given that they fit the year of the s4 and also make references to not only love, but the idea of hiding, pain, shame, longing, etc., and can make some (partially stretching here) references to other things in the show such as:

RAINBOWS and TRUE COLORS, SHINING THROUGH (rainbows imagery is always associated with Mike & Will in the show and a is symbol of lgbtq+ pride, True Colors shining through = who you really are on the inside finally coming out)

IF THIS WORLD MAKES YOU CRAZY ("crazy together", "only love makes you that crazy" and references the "world" motif in the show)

YOUNGER YEARS, ONLY YOU AND ME, YOUNG, WILD AND FREE (references "not wanting things to change" and wanting "to make things go how they were" part in Hopper's letter, and the "But we're not kids anymore" comment during the Byler fight)

ENDLESS OCEAN and SWIM, LIKE DOLPHINS (references water's significance in the show)

FLAMES (Will in front of the burning car in s4 teaser?)

LIES and LYING (Mike lying to El about how he feels)

INSTINCTS RETURNING, FACADES BURNING, WITHOUT MY PRIDE, I REACH OUT FROM THE INSIDE (Mike's feelings for Will are his instincts, the facade is the act he put on in s3 to seem straight, burning could reference Will & fire, and I think the last 2 lines of that 2nd verse reference vulnerability- perhaps in an apology/confession)

I GET SO LOST (confusion about his sexuality, feeling lost without the other) and SO MUCH WASTED TIME (known each other since kindergarten but were unaware the other felt the same way/was dealing with same things, they could have been even closer)

KINGS and QUEENS (the d&d game mike wrote where he has king Tristan give him a medal in s1)

STEALING TIME (references "turning back the clock, to make things go how they were" part in Hopper's letter and the time theme in s4 and time is central to the s4 plot)

AND WE KISS - AND THE SHAME (references the shame they both feel about being gay since it was so stigmatized in the 80's)

Byler @ Prom Possibilities:

If Mike and Will did dance together at the prom, they will probably get bullied because they live in a small conservative town. They will probably either run out, upset, or Eleven will step in to protect them which could lead to the Carrie moment.

Or Mike and Will will not dance together in the actual dance room, but instead sneak off to somewhere else in the school and have a private Byler dance moment where they can't be teased and it's just them together.

OR Mike and Will are still acting weird at this point in the season because neither of them is communicating what needs to be said out of fear, or one of them has confessed or done something to indicate how they feel, but the other hasn’t so everything is weird between them. There would be lots of tension from this and we would get lots of longing looks and adoring moments between the two of them from the sidelines. (I think this one is the most likely)

[nevermindirah]

game thingy: 🎢 🎯 🤗 <3

Hiiiiiiiiiii <33333333333

🎢 Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

I think I have to give this one to you have the right to lose control. The rapid-fire veering between friends-to-lovers fluff and politics and cameos with all that kink in between is hilariously chaotic looking back on it. No impulse control, just like Nile!

🎯 Have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? Care to share which?

Oooooooooh this is such a good question! I'm not thinking of a specific instance so I might have to come back to this. 🤔

Well, there's all those times you and I have been tossing around ideas and I'm trying to draw out the suspense and you start screaming ARE THEY GONNA KISS

Because yes. They're gonna kiss. They're always gonna kiss.

🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

Write things that bring you joy! Write things that you enjoy thinking about while you're writing them, because sentence structure and word choice and all that mechanics stuff is a bitch and no matter how much you love a story it'll get frustrating sometimes, so it's important to enjoy lots of aspects of the writing to counterbalance the inevitable annoying parts.

Take shortcuts! I recently put a post in my queue about "not sure how to transition one scene to the next? don't write a transition at all, throw us into the next scene, just put a little separator bar in between them, readers will go with it!" This is GREAT advice. Writing's a craft that you build over time, and even when you have a ton of experience and skill, sometimes you want a story to exist but you don't have the energy to make it everything you can imagine it could be, and that's totally ok! Write the parts you're most excited about and string them together with the laziest most formulaic one-sentence explanation of what could otherwise be several chapters if that's what you need to do. Zero shame. This is a hobby

Sometimes it's wonderful to stretch yourself and do things the hard way. I'd never written anything longer than a few thousand words when I started writing I See Your Eyes Seek a Distant Shore and I bit off WAY more than I could chew with that story. Looking back now, with all the experience I've gained in the past almost 2 years and over a hundred thousand more words, there's a lot I would do differently — but writing that fic is how I learned the things that I brought to everything I've written since. If you've got an idea for a story that feels too big for your abilities, it might work best for you to put it on hold and try some easier things first, or it might work best to write the essence of it with lots of shortcuts, or the time might be right to stretch yourself. You don't ever have to stretch yourself if you don't want to. If you decide you want to, and you have the energy to devote to what might be a long process, I can tell you it's rewarding as hell.

Most of all, write things you want to read! I absolutely adore comments and reblogs and screaming messages but my number one audience is me. This is crucial for me as a person with ADHD — there is absolutely no amount of external reward or punishment that can hold a candle to that internal sense of "OOH SHINY" in terms of causing me to accomplish a task. I've struggled for a long time in many parts of my life with following through on long-term projects, and it's been honestly pretty healing for me to get to read and re-read my own fics and soak up the satisfaction of having completed something that I now get to enjoy.

Writing gifts and stuff like that for other people is a lovely part of the social stuff of fandom but you may never get the amount or kinds of validation you might want for your writing. That's nothing against you, hypothetical writer just starting out, that's because sometimes people are too tired to leave a comment on your fic they loved, or they might not say the words you were hoping to hear, any number of things that aren't personal but still can be a bummer when you're waiting for those AO3 comment emails. But no matter what feedback you do or don't get from others, you'll always have the pleasure of experiencing as a reader what you've made as a writer. Hey look, this super cool person named Past Me wrote these fics all about my favorite characters with only my favorite tropes and none of my squicks, fuck yeah!

[anewp0tat0]

new chapter new post where I scream to my personal void YEAAAAAA

first of all while I'm not so much one to complain about the chapter length... I hope I'm allowed to appreciate the gift that we got this month😍 more than 15 pages thank you yana!

I would like to start off with:

FOUND FAMILY COMFIRMED THANK YOU YANA YAAAAAAAAYYYY I'm blessed

...

this isn't the meeting I expected but it sure is realistic. those two are so pure. finny oml you're too good... also was he always taller than meyrin and I didn't notice???

...

and now here we get an answer to a question... not the answer I expect-

so- ciel really didn't know. I know that what read is a fan translation so maybe the original is completely different. but what I'm gathering here is that, Sebastian really just bolted, went to America, dragged back this soldier all without ciels knowledge??? or consent??? ok maybe Sebastian was sent to America for a reason... what reason??!?! will we ever know? it's ok if not but... yana explain, explain...

...

😭 she really drew "canabalism" out of a hat and went "ooo let's add that now

...

also I just would like to say that I love ciels outfit in this chapter?? look of course I adore ciels ouji type fashion, it's aesthetic, it's beautiful, we love it. but this one here feels a tad more, historical I'll say?(well not the short trousers but regardless)... and I adore it!

...

;~; why did you do this... when can we know. uuuuuuuuugh come oooooon am I gonna cry. will you like that.

interesting if he does ACTUALLY end up being a father, because I've never once considered him fatherly. though, ig that's one realistic aspect about his character, thanks to war... but well, if he is, ig that leads to more headcanons! so bitter he is now though, against children. ofc I completely get the thing of "eat the rich"(a better term please that sounds so bad coming from bard now hh), but still, it's quite interesting.

...

alright. here's a collection of this man suffers emotionally so we smile!:

that butler, don't know anymore

I jus- does he not know? i swear to god you can't say anything around him, no no I'm not pale or skinny or oLd how dare you

alright im done now youve successfully scrolled to the end. i dont in any means like seeing bard suffer, but i do appreciate the steps in accurate writing when it comes to war trauma and such(coming from someone who doesn't experience it, ofc). i am very very pleased, and most of all, confused caUSE YANA LITERALLY JUST GAVE US MORE QUESTIONS THAN ANSWERS STOP DOING THAAAAT

it's my pleasure to hyperfixate. have a great day~!!

[casasupernovas]

I'm listening to 'Turn It Up' by Pixie Lott and this album is such a Martha Jones album. (Long post alert!) So these are my headcannons!

'Mama Do (Uh Oh)' is a pretty accurate summation of how mainly Francine felt about Martha running off with the doctor:

"What would my mama do/(Uh oh, uh oh)/If she knew 'bout me and you?/(Uh oh, uh oh)/What would my daddy say/(Uh oh, uh oh)/If he saw me hurt this way?/(Uh oh, uh oh)"

'Cry Me Out' is a good ode to the fact that Martha leaves him not the other way around. Not everything fits but you get the sentiment. Maybe even a John Smith nod because he gets dragged kicking and screaming before he has to face the inevitable.

"I got your emails/You just don't get females now, do you?/What's in my heart/Is not in your head, anyway"

"You just don't get females" is a great summary of the Doctor completely bypassing the possibility of John and Joan falling in love doesn't it! The emails line makes me think of the Doctor's little videos too 😂

"but baby I'm walking away..."

'Band Aid' the medical references i cannah, only Martha definitely didn't dislike him when they first met, but maybe that could reference the rather shaky beginnings they both had when they first started travelling together "there's something bout you, that's like the sun..." (he's like fire anyone?)

'Turn It Up' can be a song that reflects the very mature decision for Martha to leave and bear no ill will towards him.

Perfect!

'Boys and Girls' - very cool very confident very sassy very Martha! I like to think this was her getting ready for Leo's party, and the actual party before it all went belly up. "I'm looking in the mirror and I think I'm liking what I see...And when the beat kicks in you feel it in your bones"

'Gravity' - references to the fact she first met the Doctor on the moon (different gravitational pull) and the 'Lazarus Experiment' with the family conflict, and Martha's own decision to follow the doctor when Francine begs her not to. As well as Martha initially being upset he left and clearly not having a choice in just getting over it, and her asking him to leave at the end if he was gonna keep treating her like a passenger.

"Tell me why I keep tryin' stay around/When all my family/They always telling me/To be through with you"

"Why you pullin' me back/Pullin' me in/Just like gravity"

"Be quiet, let me leave, let me go/Don't say another word/Cause with every sound/You're pullin' me down"

This especially as we know her travels were more him interrupting her life than her wishing to escape it. Or even a double meaning to the well meaning but overbearing Francine? Also, Martha's own unsaid realisation that this relationship may be unhealthy but she doesn't want to leave, or when she puts her foot down, he gives her a ray of hope so she jumps back in.

'My Love' - Do I need to explain this one? Lol

"You're the definition of a life I would be missin"

'Jack' - LOL.

"A beautiful story left incomplete...why'd he only shoot me halfway to the moon"

So this song is basically a Jack and Jill analogy with the story being half finished, Jill comes back down the hill all by herself. You could use this as a example of how despite Jack being introduced to the story, Martha still ends up shouldering the burden of the Master all by herself. Her time with Jack is very brief also, so she doesn't really get a chance to be with him and her story ties into his and their joint feelings for the Doctor as well as some lingering feelings she had (Torchwood kiss).

'Nothing Compares To You' - this could be her headspace for many moments in the show, particularly 1913.

"I'm running fast, fast as I can/To get you back, just to get you back again"

'Here We Go Again' - I like to think this is Martha pre: Smith and Jones, balancing social life with studies what not!

"I'll sleep through the alarm head under pillow/I know I'm gonna pay for this"

'The Way The World Works' - poor Martha in her year alone or 1913:

"Gimme just a little break/Ain't no more that I can take/I am asking for the planets to align"

and "But does the heart grow fonder?/Will I wait here on ya?/Baby, how much longer...They're trying to keep us apart"

"I'm so tired of the way the world works/I'm so tired of the way the world works/They conspire trying to keep us apart"

and quite literally, the Doctor and Martha get seperated a LOT that season. It's like the universe really was conspiring to keep them apart.

'Hold Me In Your Arms' a sad one. Because it's like a dreamscape, of what Martha really wants.

"He says, don't you know I love you? Don't you know that you're beautiful?"

and the closer - 'If I Changed' - Martha leaves, realises she doesn't need to change herself for him! Do it do it do it my way! Wayhay!

"So if changed for you, it wouldn't be good so I guess I should...Change you..."

That's it! Hope you enjoyed!

(May reblog with some of the deluxe songs!)

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

❛ FUDDY-DUDDY ❜

with Che ‘Taza’ Romero.

Warnings: nsfw, smut.

Word count: about 1.7k

Aurora says: This is just something I needed to write, that's all. This writing hasn't been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I'm sorry about that!

Gif credits: to my wonderful @sonsofeorl ✨

Masterlist. You can subscribe to my broadcast list, to be notified whenever I post a writing!

One of his hands roams your thigh, while the other arm has wrapped your waist. Sitting on his lap, you're enjoying another long talk about funny stories that happened in different runs with the crew. The yard is starting to get emptied deep in the night, until left the original Mayans and some of Vicki's girls. You are a little bit drunk as a skunk, just like Taza who is enraptured on the way his fingertips get slided over your bare skin.

“Hey, Vice”.

A mexican girl interrupts Bishop's story, walking towards the sitted group, swaggering her body and trying to be sensual. You are about to laugh, Angel and Coco too.

“I thought I could give you a… ‘goodbye’ before leaving”. She says, stopping some inches away from your position.

Now, you are laughing, getting up to roll to Bishop's lap. Che frowns at you, before leading his angry orbs to the other girl.

“No, thank you… I prefer to waste my time trying to fuck her, instead of fucking you”.

Silence. He is drunk, but he's talking seriously.

“C'mon, kid, get that dick”. El Presidente breaks into laughs, pushing you away from him back to the Vice, as if you were a ball and they were playing.

“GET THE APACHE D! GET THE APACHE D”.

The people left in the yard start to sing in chorus, making you flush, puckering your lips at the oldest man there.

“What? My mother didn't raise a liar”.

“Do I look like a drunk-one-night-stand for your pleasure, Che?”

“I didn't say that”.

Rolling your eyes, you already know that your night has ended. Staggering a little, you go to the inside of the clubhouse, looking for your bag and your leather jacket to leave for your house. If you are so close to him is not to get the ‘Apache D’. Not at all. You have true feelings for him and, if this kind of relationship is enough for you, now you are pissed off by knowing that he just wants a night with you. As if you were a trophy for him.

“You are not leaving”.

You hear his voice behind you, upset and with a light tone of sarcasm in it.

“Yeah, I'm fucking leaving, Che. I don' wanna see your fucking face right now”.

Turning around, you try to pass him away, but he takes you off the keys of your car.

“You can't be this dummy, can you?” He says narrowing his eyes, and stretching the hand over his head to pull the keys away from you. “I don't want just a… whatever night you said. I'm too drunk to repeat again your tongue twister, Mary Poppins”.

“I'm gonna punch you in the face”.

“Respect your elders, chamaca”. He tries to look offended, surrounding your waist with his free arm. “C'mon… (Y/N). Why is this hard to believe that I love you, ah? I'm nuts about you”.

“Do you even know what you are saying?”

“Kinda like. I heard that from the prospect, and I wanted to use it with you, 'cause you like squirrels”.

You can't help but chuckle, while Taza takes off your bag and also grabs your jacket.

“Stay with me, please…” He whispers, pulling himself away to place your things on a sofa. “Look, I'm a traditional man. I will bring you breakfast at bed, even having a hangover”.

“Yeah, you're a fuddy-duddy”.

“The fuck is that?” He laughs loud, putting his hands on you again to embrace your body against him.

“Nothing, forget it”. You reply almost hiccuping, noticing that he is leading you backwards to the dorms hallway.

“Look at you, so drunk to drive”.

“Yeah, what a shame”. You laugh reaching his dorm, opening the door behind you to tuck you in.

As soon as he closes it, his mouth meets yours, devouring it lustfully while your hands travel to the folds of his kutte to take it off. Leaving a trail of clothes to the bed, he urges you to lie down over it, settling himself between your legs. Drawing a way down from your jaw to your breasts, his tongue finds one of your nipples, tasting it as if it was the best thing he has ever tried. Your gasps break the silence installed inside the room, stirring under his touches in the meantime that his free hand paws your abdomen, running it down to your center. Slamming two curved fingers into you, making you arch your back, you can't help but close your eyes and moan loud. Probably, the crew has heard you, but you don't care.

“Shit, baby girl… you're fucking drenched”.

He purrs against your nipple, speeding up the moves of his wrist, hitting your pussy with his palm and provoking a dirty sound rhythm your begs. And when you think he can't worship your body better, he bows until his lips strongly suck your throbbing clit.

“Oh, fuck!” You cry out with a sob, putting your legs over his back.

His warm breath bristles your whole anatomy, determinate to make you cum in his mouth, adhered to your sensible skin. Adding a third finger without expecting, Taza makes your thighs vibrate on his shoulders, fixing his eyes on yours, rolled back to your head. Your vocals getting louder, flood the room and half-part of the hallway, not wanting to contain yourself after so much time desiring it. His tongue licks your entrance, over his fingers, drinking your juices and tasting them, until he feels your wet pussy twitching under every stroke his lips make.

“Cum for me, chamaca, I wanna hear you screaming my name”. He demands among your legs, before catching again your clit with his lips.

The sensation of sucking the air out of your lungs so desperate, that provokes a lash of heat hits your backbone leaving a trail that flows into your belly. Tangling your hands on the gray hair, you can't help but press his face more closer to your center. Pulling out his hand from you, Taza nails both on your hips, putting his arms under your legs. His tongue moving faster itself among your lips, tasting on purpose every inch of you, you find the purest orgasm, crying out his first name; so uninhibited that it ends up ripping you throat.

You can feel his chuckles making your skin vibrate, going up until finding your lips. Getting more comfortable between your shaky legs, the Mayan kisses you, tucking his tongue inside your mouth to let you taste your own flavor mixed with the tequila you two have drunk. And it's really delicious, feeling his waist slightly swinging against your throbbing and satisfied center, but wanting a little more. Sliding down a hand between both, he guides the head of his cock straight to your pussy, not giving you a breath; when he's already thrusting it to your limits.

“Fuck, Che”.

You whisper running out of air onto his lips.

“I'm going to do it every night, mi amor”. He replies, noticing how deep his voice sounds right now, enchanting completely your brain. “Feels good, ah?”

You just nod with your throat totally dry, gulping and intertwining your legs with his.

“You will enjoy it much more, you will see…” He says then, with his mouth over your ear, biting your lobe before starting to swing his hips.

Every move is accurate, hitting your g-spot with no mercy, looking for your pleasure totally enraptured in the way you have to grunt his name. One of his arms is placed under your body, holding you tightly, while his right hand is wrapping your neck making some pressure over your skin. His pace is fast and constant, not giving you the chance to mold your walls to his thickness, in the meantime that Che drags his teeth on your collarbone until biting you. Your nails tour his back, almost scratching it superficially, begging for more as he pounds you against the mattress.

Grabbing your wrists with his right hand, to fix them on the pillow over your head, he speeds up as much as he can, giving to your body a reason to squirm because of his anxious lunges. Feeling how warm your soaked pussy, it's driving him crazy. And maybe the alcohol plays a part of it, but it's insane the way he has to mark you everywhere, anyhow possible, as if he was needed for making everyone know that you're only his. Only for him.

“Fuck… I'm close again”. You sob, with his teeth nailed on your neck and his tongue doing some circular moves.

He knows it. He can feel it, that's why he hasn't slowed down his pace. Che wants to put you in your sweetest dreams after being fully pleased. Wrapping his waist with one of your legs, you try to push him a little more into you, burying deep his cock in your wetness. A knot growing up inside your belly, leaving your mind blank, blows up your senses. Loosening the grip on your wrists, you clings your arms around him. Your moans echo matching his, as your core continues engulfing his hardness until you feel his heat filling you up, drowning a hoarse howl in the gap of your shoulder.

Taza holds his body against you, pressed strongly, emptying himself inside you. Mixing your ecstasies and melting yourselves in one. Collapsing onto your chest, he hugs you with a sigh stuck in his vocal chords, drawing the same relaxed smile on his lips that you have. Pulling himself out, feeling his seed spilling by your thighs, he lies down trying to catch back his air. After some seconds and leaving a soft kiss on your cheek, the man gets up without a word wearing his boxers to step out of the room. You can't even move a single inch, resting your hands on your belly, until he comes back. Helping you to clean up all the mess with a warm wet towel, Taza falls down on the bed, holding you onto him and filling your face with sleepy kisses that make you laugh.

“Congratulations, you had the whole Apache pack”.

Your laughs become loud, stirring softly under his arms.

“You idiot…”

“Ranch included”. He tosses in, adding more gasoline to the fire.

“Che!”

Now, you can't stop laughing, infecting him and shaking your head.

[overlyimmersed]

Nightmares and Daydreams

A Gravity Falls AU.

Hi @verysorrytobother​ Stanticore anon, revealing my true identity to share this with you! I wasn’t sure how a post this long would go over as an ask, so I decided to do it this way. I hope this is ok.

I’ve been working on this for a while and I hope it goes over well enough. The artwork took me the most time.

As a car crash victim is slowly dying, her mental self panics in the mindscape. She's offered a deal to save her life. Let the game begin.

(Content warnings: Blood. Descriptions of serious injuries.)

"What..." she whispered to herself, staring at the other in disbelief.

"Yep!" he confirms, in a high-pitched, grating, inappropriately upbeat tone, "Dead as a doornail, kid!- Well technically you still have a few more seconds till you brain totally ceases to function. Better make up your mind while you still have one!"

She's still staring dumbly at him. How can he be this nonchalant about it?! A half second ago she was sitting in the front seat of the family truck, a totally routine trip to the store- she never liked trucks but her dad's a carpenter so they need the hauling space. At least it's a pretty shade of blue- and the next she's here, laying face down in a black void with this prick this- this...All Seeing Eye? He's like the Illuminati symbol, but with arms and legs and a top hat. Caution sign yellow and talking to her- or at her. Bill. Freaking. Cipher. Every time he 'speaks' he flashes with light- no mouth so does it really count as speaking? More like his voice is being projected right into her mind- ... And he's telling her that she freakin died! Can't he see how messed up this is?! Can't he sympathize at all!? Then again, it's Bill. She ought to know better.

She ought to know better. She's seen this show a hundred times, she knows nothing good comes from dealing with Cipher. But she doesn't have time to be careful, she doesn't have the luxury of weighing options.

"Tick-tock, Car Wreck!" The obnoxious voice insists again, forcing her out of her stupor, his outstretched hand now alight with blue fire.

Her face scrunches up in a loud cringe, eyes screwed shut and teeth bared, and she swings her hand till it lands solidly in his. Crazed cackling resounds as the deal is struck, but it falls to simple soundtrack as her senses try to sort out what's going on.

She'd expected the blue fire to burn, or at least feel like something, but it didn't. Instead her entire being is flung into a...whirl? Free fall? Something that makes her stomach jump into her throat, and gives her vertigo.

The sensation stops suddenly, only to be replaced by a cacophony of new perceptions. She isn't sure which strikes her first, the sounds or the smell. Shrieks of agony and terror make up the next track of this bizarre playlist, punctuated by the reek of burnt hair. When her eyes fly open to try and make sense of it all, they have no luck. The sight that meets her is a sky of surreal, swirling, bastardized ribbons of every hue, like being inside a filthy bubble. Floating strewn about the space are pockmarked asteroids, and little else.

"So what'd ya think?" The grating voice rejoins the discord, drawing her shell-shocked gaze. "Home-sweet-home, huh? Well don't worry, you won't be here for very long. A deal's a deal, Car Wreck." With that que, and a snap of his fingers, she's falling again. This time untethered and unaccompanied. It takes her a moment to realize the scream ripping though the void is coming from her own throat. Once it hits her, so does something else, and the world goes black.

She wakes some time later, maybe moments maybe days. She has no way of knowing. She pushes herself onto her hands and knees, groggy and disoriented. It takes her a moment to notice the texture under her hands and focus her vision on it. It's grass. She sits up and looks around. "oh..." she says to herself, taking in the scenery. It's lovely, a grassy, sun soaked field. The sky made of churning colors like the last place she'd been, but they're pastel and much prettier. A warm breeze brushes past her face and she takes a deep breath of it, it smells sweet and warm, heavy with the scent of growing things, and for the first time since this started she finds some peace. Peace which is quickly shattered by a familiar, grating voice.

She jumps and whirls around so quick she falls onto her butt. There, floating just inches from where her head had been, is Bill. Laughing at her of course.

"Whoops! Didn't mean to scare you there, Car Wreck!" he claims, moving through the air to look around, then turning back around to look at her. "So how do you like the new digs?"

There's a beat of silence where she just stares at him again, but quickly she shakes off the shock and tries to respond. "Uh...It's nice." She lets her eyes roam around for a second, before returning to Bill, "Where are we?"

"This is the Realm of Daydreams! Your new HQ!" he answers, floating around behind her and making a grand gesture with his arms.

She turns her head to follow him, "Daydreams? HQ?"

"Yep! This is where you'll hang out when you're not puppeting your little pawns." He turns around to look at the scenery more himself. "Kinda dull if you ask me. Maybe you can do something about that!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh you know, some pillars of anguish, an alter of unholy fire, maybe a blood fountain or a couple of-" he gestures with each suggestion, like a landscaper creating a vision, until she cuts him off.

"No I mean," she finally pushes herself to a stand, teetering a little till she finds her balance. "Pawns?"

He turns back to her, "Oh yeah, which ones do you want anyway?" he waits a beat for an answer, but she just stares back at him, clearly not following. "Ugh, our deal?"

He hadn't really told her what the deal was, just mentioned a game and a second chance. "Uhh, I don't think you-"

"Oh right, you flesh bags need everything explained to you." he groans, rolling his eye, "Alright, here's the deal. We're gonna play a little game," he holds out his hand and a little hologram like projection appears showing an aerial view of a town. "and the people of this hick town are gonna be the pieces." ten little blue stick figures appear in the center of town, each with a little symbol above it's head. "If you win, you rejoin the land of the living!" a little magenta stick figure pops into existence next to the others and they all do a little happy dance. "If I win..." suddenly the whole projection goes up in flames, and she jerks her head back instinctively, "You burn with rest of those worthless mortals!" He bursts into a fit of maniacal laughter, which actually gives her some times to recover.

After a second of shocked staring, she blinks a few times then puts on as neutral an expression as she can. "Ok. So what are the rules?"

"Simple!" he answers, cutting off his laughter "We can't directly manipulate each other's pawns, and we can't interfere with the other's powers."

"That's it?"

"Yep. Everything else is fair game"

"Ok...What are my powers?"

"Same as mine! Except you don't have to wait till someone falls asleep to get in their head."

"I see..." her eyes wander to the ground as she contemplates the information, and her hand reaches for the longest of her three necklaces to idly play with the spiked pendant. "So you can talk to them in dreams, and I can talk to them in daydreams."

"Bingo!"

She scrunches her nose a little, thinking of a few ways that could end up being annoying. "Alright, anything else I need to know?"

"Hmm, nope! That just about covers it. All that's left is to pick our pawns, I'll even let you go first!" And with that ten, glowing, blue symbols appear between them. She looks them over carefully, she knows who each symbol corresponds to- supposing the cartoon from her world is accurate. She considers the six-fingered hand, if she takes him out of Bill's control from the start that derails his whole plan as she knows it. But, then she'll have no clue what's up to at all, at least by letting Bill have the pawns she's familiar with she has a chance at guessing his moves. She reaches forward and touches the shooting star, it turns magenta and floats to hover closer to her.

"Interesting." Bill comments, though his tone doesn't sound very interested, as he makes a simple motion with his eye and the six-fingered hand settles beside him. She chooses the fish looking symbol next, and Bill's second choice in the pine tree. They go back and forth till they have five symbols each, Bill having the the six-fingered hand, the pine tree, the llama, the stitched heart, and the pentagram. While she has the shooting star, the fish, the bag of ice, the spectacles, and the question mark.

"Welp, that settles that. Nice picks you made there, lets hope they work out for ya, Car Wreck"

"Could you not call me that?" though it hardly sounds like a request.

"And what else should I call you?" Bill asks, collecting his symbols into one hand and placing the other on his...hip?

"How about my name? It's Maranwe."

"But Car Wreck fits you so much better! Just take a look!" he quips, snapping a full-length mirror into existence. Maranwe turns to look and gasps in horror. Bill breaks out into more cackling, "Well my work here is done! I'll let you get cleaned up, see ya around Car Wreck!" And with that he fades from existence.

Maranwe just stares, even as Bill disappears from 'her' realm, she can only stare at her destroyed refection. Her hair is messy- and she almost laughs that that's what her brain zeros in on first-, It's also dirty, some of the mess is actual dirt but several spots are matted with half-dry blood. Her face is in a similar condition, smeared with dirt and blood but she can see the wounds there. Scrapes and still oozing cuts, bruises forming on one cheek bone and under her eyes. Her nose isn't quite right...broken probably. Her vision skims over her whole body for a second, making note of similar injuries where tears in her clothes reveal them. It's not as bad as she would expect a car crash victim to look- "except for that" Her mind screams suddenly while all her mouth can do is gasp, as her attention lands dizzyingly on her neck. It's...purple, but also red? There's no spilled blood but it still looks ugly, and the worst part is the...bump. It's not hard to figure out that it's a misaligned bone. Without the pain to tell her she never would have noticed, her neck is broken. Very broken. How is she holding her head up right... Probably because this isn't actually a physical body. She wonders if this is what killed her, or if there's something inside, something she can't see, that did the trick.

Whatever it is, she can't be seen like this. And she really really doesn't want to look like this for her own sake. Bill said she could 'clean herself up'? How exactly... She thinks about how Bill's powers tend to work and tries to concentrate on a cleaner, less beat up mental image of herself. She lifts her hand to her cheek and grazes her finger tips across it, a trail of sparkles follow the touch and the skin underneath returns to normal. She relaxes a little, watching the disaster wipe off her face like cheap make-up. She keeps the image in her mind and closes her eyes, cupping her hands in front of herself and imagining the sparkles pooling in them. Then she splashes the sparkles over he face, like a girl in a face wash commercial, and imagines the glittering dust washing over her entire body, cleaning away the mess and injuries. And when she opens her eyes, that's exactly what's happened. Her reflection shows her whole and unwounded, even her clothes are fixed.

The next thing she does is smooth her hair down, mostly an instinct since it's still messy, and the sparkles trail after her hands, tidying the strands as if she'd just brushed them. She watches her reflection's mouth quirk up a little in a small smirk. So she can just change what she looks like by imagining it? That figures, this is a place of daydreams that's kind of how they work. She knows exactly what to do with this, she's known since she was a kid what she's change if she could. She places the backs of her hands next to her ears and flicks up, sparkles spray up with the motion and her normal human ears, turn to wolf ears the fur the same chocolate brown as her hair. Her smirk blooms into a full blown smile, and she tilts her head to get a better look at them, watching them move as she tests them. It's like they're real! Next is the tail of course, it's mostly brown, with some silver down the top and a black tip. Then she looks down, and taps the toe of each of her shoes against the ground in turn, as she does they become the compressed paws of her own design.

"That's insane..." she laughs to herself. She's actually turning herself into something else, her own made up alien species. And she just can! With the big changes out of the way she works out the details; pupil shape, fang length, and straightens out a few asymmetries and insecurities she's always had about her body- after all why not? When she's done, she can't help admiring herself a little, turning this way and that in front of the mirror, her perfect image of herself. Well- almost perfect. She snaps her fingers and in the same dusting of glitter, her shirt changes. What was before a loose grey t-shirt with the word "nope" written across it in cursive, as been replaced by a cropped sweater, banded in 3 colors; white at the top, then light blue, then dark blue. She lifts it to look at the crop top under neither, it's just plain white. She decides she doesn't like it that way, so it changes to a cropped version of the t-shirt she'd had before. With that taken care of she lifts her arm so the over-sized sleeve falls down and she can see her forearm, which is covered by a light blue arm warmer with white lace around the edges. Perfect. At least for now. She can change later if she decides she doesn't like the arm warmers.

She giggles to herself, invigorated by the makeover and the sense of control she has now. She turns from the mirror and skips a few feet across the grass, the symbols she'd chosen follow her, floating loosely like beads suspended in gel. She laughs a little as she watches them, and idly reaches for her necklace again, but this time her hand just meets the soft knit of her sweater. She'd forgotten to add them into this new look, so she just wills them into place; three different necklaces of three different lengths. Her hand finds the middle length first, the pendant is designed to spin so she plays with it while her mind starts to wander. She starts thinking of plans for winning this game, what she might say to each other 'pawns' and who to use where and how, even letter her thoughts wonder about the new life she'll have. Cipher's hologram suggested she'll stay in Gravity Falls, which would be cool but what about-

The sound of screeching tires and twisting metal cuts her thoughts off clean and she whips around to find the source of the noise, but her fear turns to confusion when she sees...nothing. She stands stock still, her mind running over only vague impressions of thoughts relating to what she just heard, until another loud sound whips her back around. This time she actually sees something, like a huge firework in the pastel oil-slick sky, accompanied by Bill's obnoxious voice echoing through the space.

"Let the game begin!"

[impulsivelycontentious]

No one reads this or connects it with my other online identities but since I've removed personals involvement from my other social media stuff, and I feel like bitching, I am jsut gonna go ahead and do it.

So I have brain damage. Yeaaaaars ago I threw up so hard I actually ripped open the inside of an artery in my neck, and it threw a clot, and that clot did some nasty shit on its way on through and out.

No doctor noticed for two weeks.

Everyone else did.

Good times.

Anyway.

So now I have a damaged brain. Brains don't grow back. Some areas can regenerate a few cells - notably the prefrontal lobe - but mostly brains fix themselves not by regenerating like skin does, but by rearranging the cells we have to fire to fancy new configurations.

This has been quite the ride. Because shit, it changes things.

I don't even know how much of my personality is consistent. No idea. Let alone everything else.

I have memory loss my nurologist won't akowledge because it falls short of dementia. That was the bar. "You don't have dementia, you know what year it is." Gee thanks there chief.

Anyway.

My brain wasn't too stable to begin with. I have always been prone to logic leaps that occur very quickly and not necessarily in ways other people would make them. My mind is jumbled and a little random and things collide all the time that probably shouldn't.

This has become much worse since the brain damage. See, my brain keeps wiring shit together. Shit it really shouldn't. It changes who I am, what I think, what I can think.

It's actually quite terrifying to realise you're a sack of geletine misfiring lighting at itself.

So anyway. To the point. Yes - I have one of those. Probably. It's somewhere in here.

Oh right, no, another detour. I'm autistic. "Oh yeah, they definatly didn't screen girls when I was a kid because how the fuck did they miss this otherwise" autistic.

Back to the point.

Recently I had this sensory processing ... Whatever the fuck that was. I call them.idssocistive episodes. I don't know how accurate that is. But my mind unhooks from my sensory data. Everything feels muted and unreal - sound, sight, touch, heat. Name it. It's wrong.

I hate these.

It gets particularly nasty because there are nurologicsl consequences. See, my concious mind ramps up it's interpretation of sensory data. It goes all in and leaves the rest of my existence stuffed in this tiny little box without enough space to do dick.

One effect of this is I suddenly become highly obsessive. I think it's a comfort mechanism, I require the same stimulus over and over again or to somehow mentally connect it to the same element. Of course, it could also jsut be that obsessive behaviour towards interests is part of who I am. I am autistic. I DEFIANTLY go all in when something fascinates me. But not... Not like this.

Do you have ANY IDEA how many times I watched starwars 8 in 72 hours? Any clue? Holy fricking ... Something. I watched it fast. I watched it slow. I watched it skipping ahead 10 seconds every 10 seconds. I dissected that thing in micrscopic detail.

It gets better. Because mere hours before I got hit with this episode... I was not a starwars fan.

Nope. I watched it. It was ok. I wasn't going out of my way for it.

And suddenly. Wham. Episode 8. All the time. I watched some 7 and 9 as well but it was like it was entierly because eit was connected to 8.

I cannot even.

And while this is happening, *I know*. I know. I really do. I know this isn't my normal behaviour. I know this isn't my wheelhouse. I know something is deeply, deeply wrong in my brain.

I think it might actually be an ok movie, honestly. But not THAT good. And now it's one of my favourite things. Forever. I have no idea if it's actually good. Did I not give eit a chance the first time? Is my obsessive brain simply emotionally hooked up how? Fuck, I don't know.

So that's why I'm posting today. On this day. May 4th.

I'm seeing a lot of star wars today and it's making my brain tickle with it's own ridiculousness.

Not the whole point though. Because it lasted 72 hours (I watched dit one more time after that and if wasn't near as intense).

But what happened AFTER my 72 hours as an obsessive raylo (oh yeah. I went there. I'm not even ashamed. I am also compeltely content with the end they got, because I do not see that shit working out).

Brains don't regrow. They rewire.

And suddenly, I'm drawing. Like... A lot. I filled pages of doodles. Sketches. I redrew a peice I'd been working on for about a month in a few hours and damnit, it was good. It's not professional quality but I'd never down anything that well before. This goes on for another day. And then I started a story, and I wrote 2000 words all at once.

I'm dyslexic. And words are severely impacted by my brain damage to the point it can cause me phsycial pain to force my thoughts in to words.

And here I am. Going nuts on my phone. The words just spilling out and again - damnit, it was good shit.

My brain was abstracting. Where the concious sort had been shunted, it wasn't directing the abstracting aspect of my mind.

And I was making cognative leaps. My brain was wiring itself together for creativity.

For another 24 hours.

And now, dear reader, we get to now.

I have written 200 words in the last 2 days. They feel wrong.

I started and stopped a dozen images. None of them feel right. And there are objective quality differences.

I can still draw a bit. If I'm not tired. I'm almost always tired - it's neural fatigue, it comes with surviving a brain damage.

I have somehow brain damaged my way in to better skills.

And it's... It's not a good feeling.

Doing it the first time and watching something take place in front of my eyes I don't recognise was like magic. It was euphoric. Amazing. Exciting.

Realising as time wears on that the ability to do this is intrinsically tied in to the way ones brain handles brain damage and sensory processing issues?

Not a great feeling cats. Not at all.

I find myself staring at a document willing words on tot he page that just aren't there anymore and feeling so frustrated I could scream.

Whose idea was this anyway? Why can't I keep my rewiring?

It's so hard dto explain the feeling of loss.

It's not me who did these things. A version of me, yes. But not the one we are keeping.

The one we keep struggles to hold a narrarive in her head and the narrator's tone took 3 rewritten to preserve for a single paragraph.

I don't want to stop. But how do I keep going? I'm not the author anymore and I've always struggled with adopting the tone of others.

So yeah. That's where I'm at. And I wanna talk about it. Because I don't want to be alone. But I can't escape the feeling I'm being dramatic. Terribly dramatic. And so talking about it is hard. How much is my own spin and perception and how much is real?

Did this really happen?

I think it did. But like every story I tell, I don't know. Memory loss. Cognetive issues.

I just wanna tell stories and draw. But the words hurt and the art makes me tired.

It's frustrating is all.

I hate being lighting geletine.

In case you're wondering what kind of cognative leap happened:

That one is april 4th.

And that one April 28th.

🤷‍♀️

Fucked if I know, really.

[shawnpetermuffins]

How's It Feel (CG pt 2)

A/n: I really struggled to write this, I'm not gonna lie. It wasn't turning out the way I wanted it at all, but this is what I've got and I still hope you like it.

Summary: Shawn's starting to feel how you did for way too long.

Requested: yes, by a lot of you surprisingly

Word count: 2.8k

***

The hole in my chest had only grown since y/n walked out of our apartment. I tried texting her, calling her. I tried everything until eventually my messages didn't go through anymore. My calls went straight to voicemail. All of her stuff was gone when I got back from the studio one day too, and if it was even possible, my heart broke all over again seeing that.

And as if not being with her wasn't already messing with my head, having to tell my family was even worse. Mum was pissed, didn't talk to me for three days, Aaliyah over a week. (I’ll be honest, she probably still wouldn’t be talking to me had I not broke down in front of Mum when I went to go work things out with them.) It was torture not being able to talk to two of the most important women in my life, about the other single most important girl in my life. One who no longer wanted me.

I knew I fucked up, there was no denying that. But I never intended to hurt her the way I did. I took her love for granted, I know that now, but knowing that just makes it hurt worse.

So I spent almost every night following our not-so mutual breakup at the bar, drinking the strongest liquor I could get my hands on because beer just wasn't going to cut it. If I was going to drown in anything, I'd rather it be in alcohol than in my own self pity. And it worked… until I met her.

---

Jordan's presence slammed into my like a ton of bricks. She was everything that the media thought I should be with. Long, flowy blonde hair. Legs for days. That "natural glow" that very obviously was just a dewy foundation - something y/n never wore because she thought it made her look more oily than dewy. By all means, she is who I wanted. Or more accurately, she is who I wanted to want.

Jordan was probably the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. There's not a doubt in my mind. But she wasn't y/n. She didn't stay the night. She hardly ever called, not unless I had promo events or award shows. So I guess lucky for me, it was award season. But these were the only times I'd see her. Only times I'd talk to her. Not that I didn't want to. I did, and I tried. But my messages would go read and unanswered. She never wanted to hang out with me and my friends, and on the ever-so rare occasion that she did accept my offer, it always ended with a quick fuck and she was out the door. There were no cuddles, there was no snuggling. I didn't get to wake up to make her breakfast like I used to do for y/n before I let things go so wrong.

I wonder if this is what y/n felt when I was out the door before she ever got the chance to open her eyes. I wonder if she felt this every morning for the last eight months of our relationship. That's how long it was, I realized when it was much too late. I blew off plans, and I didn't come home, and I didn't talk to her for eight months. But I still expected her to do things for me. Go to my awards shows even when I know she told me she had things she needed to do for work. I called her unsupportive more times than I can count and I unintentionally, but somehow knowingly let her slip through my fingers.

---

Come over???

Jordan read the text three hours ago and still hasn't bothered to respond. Not that I was expecting her to anymore. Unless I ask her to come to an award show with me, I won't get a response for days.

So I'm here, logged into Brian's Instagram looking through y/n's most recent posts because she blocked me on literally everything, not that I can blame her. She knew me well enough to know that after the way we ended things I would want to check up on her. Even though I didn't do it enough while I had her.

Kinda_yourname

7,421 likes

Kinda_yourname Carnival nights call for impromptu photo shoots.

📸: @ connorbrashier

Comments have been disabled.

I throw my phone onto the coffee table, suddenly sick to my stomach.

Connor. She still talks to him. They still hang out. I knew they had gotten close on the SM3 tour but I'd never realized that they were still close. It shouldn't bother me - she's, in fact, not mine anymore no matter how much I wish she were - But it does. It bothers me so much. Because who is he to be taking pictures like this of the girl I used to call my own? How is someone I considered a friend going to betray me this way?

I want so badly to throw something, to scream, and punch and kick like a dramatic child who's just been told he can't go play outside with his friends because it's far too hot. Other than the fact that my phone is no longer in my hands, and that my fingers are pressed firmly into the denim encompassing my legs, anyone watching me wouldn't be able to tell that I was in such serious turmoil.

I want to go back to feeling something. Even if it is just contempt for myself and the way I let things get so out of hand. But something inside me won't let it happen. I've become nothing but a hollow shell of what I used to be. I feel nothing. I want for nothing. I do nothing. It’s been hell on my music, too. Selfishly, I thought that being heartbroken would help me write another album, but now I have no inspiration. My muse is gone.

---

I'm sitting in the dining room with my mum who seems to be a little on edge while I'm talking to her. She keeps looking toward the door when she thinks I'm not looking, but I can't bring myself to ask why she's acting so weird. I should have.

"Where's Liyah?" I asked.

"Getting ready. She's going out with a friend."

I nodded, "Who?"

Mum shook her head and dismissed the question with wave of her hand, "You don't know her."

Ouch.

"Now, uh, what's going on?" She clasped her hands together.

I furrowed my brows, but shrugged off the uneasiness radiating through her body language. "I uh… I messed up."

"What do you mean?"

"With y/n."

She sighed, "Shawn. It's been three months."

"Yeah. And I haven't been able to write a song since we broke up."

"I thought you said you were dating that new girl."

"Jordan," I mumbled.

"Yes, her."

"It's complicated." I took in a deep breath, "Every time I try to make an effort, it's never reciprocated. She never texts me back, or calls me. She only ever wants to get together when I tell her I have an award show to go to or like I'm doing press. And I don't get that same feeling that I used to get when y/n would look at me. I don't love her, mum. Hell, I don't even know if I really like her or if I'm forcing myself to because I'm trying to compensate for what I don't have with y/n anymore."

Mum didn't say anything, but the look in her eyes told me everything.

"What?"

"It's nothing."

"It's something. What? What are you thinking?"

"Now, honey you know I love you. And I will support you through anything." She took my hands in hers from across the table. "But it sounds to me like you're getting a taste of your own medicine."

"Excuse me?"

"Don't get upset, Shawn. But that's exactly what you did with y/n. She texted and she called and you only wanted her when you needed someone next to you. You didn't treat her like your girlfriend. Not even a little bit. She was 'arm candy.' And that, it pains me to say, is what you are to this Jordan girl."

I run my hands through my hair, frustrated. "I don't want Jordan anymore. And it's clear she doesn't want me. I have to end things with her."

"If that's what you want, then I support you."

"I want y/n, mum… What do I do?"

"There's nothing you can do. Y/n isn't going to take you back."

"You don't know that," I said desperately, even though I knew she was right."

“Sweetheart, you know I love y/n. We all do. And you also know that I wouldn’t be telling you this if I thought that she would take you back. But Shawn… you hurt her. No, that’s not right. You broke her. That whole last year of your relationship shattered her into a million pieces. She’s trying just as hard as you - if not harder - to pick herself back up after this.”

“She’s hanging out with Connor. Did you know that?”

“And what does that matter? You’re with someone else.”

“It’s Connor! He and I are friends!”

“Shawn -”

"Karen! I hope you don't mind. I used my key, is Aaliyah -"

I stilled at the sound of the voice of both my dreams and my nightmares. A voice I never thought I'd hear again. I slowly turned around and was met with her frighteningly pale skin, she looked like she'd seen a ghost, and I knew I probably looked the same.

"Hi," I said like an idiot after a minute of full on staring at her, taking in every single thing I could.

She didn't say it back, just shook her head, averted her eyes and cleared her throat. "Karen, is Aaliyah ready?"

"I'm ready!" My little sister beamed, entering the now overly tense dining room. “Oh... Hey, Shawn.”

“What are you doing here?” I asked, only to y/n.

“Liyah, you got your stuff?”

She nodded. “Yeah, let’s go.” She crossed the room and pressed a kiss to Mum’s cheek. “I’ll be back later.”

“Is it cool if I take her out to dinner?” y/n asked, still not looking at me. "There were a lot of people at the mall when I passed by so we might be there longer than expected."

“What the hell is going on?” I exclaimed, and I knew eyes were on me now, but not the eyes I so desperately wanted to be on me. "Did you know she was coming over?" I asked mum.

She didn't answer me and that was response enough. “That’s fine, honey. But come back for dessert, okay? Manny and I were thinking sundaes with all the fixings.”

“You know the way to my heart, Karen. We’ll be back by eight.”

Aaliyah was now standing next to my ex-girlfriend once again and my heart ached watching them. They started walking toward the door, and I was going to leave it alone. Let them walk out the house without a problem, but my body reacted before my mind could catch up. “Y/n, wait.” When she didn’t turn around, I took her wrist. “Baby, please. Can we talk?”

“Let go of me, Shawn,” her voice was barely above a whisper.

“Not until you look at me,” I said, desperation lacing between every word.

She sighed and fished her keys out of her pocket, “Hon, can you wait in the car? I’ll be right there.”

My sister nodded and walked out of the house without so much as a glance my way. And when the door shut behind her, those y/e/c eyes finally met mine, breaking me even more because they didn’t hold that light they used to.

"What, Shawn? What could you possibly want?"

I open and close my mouth like a fish gasping for water.

"Well?" She arches an eyebrow at me, making me feel small beneath that stare that I desperately wanted just minutes ago, but now I wish she would look away. Because seeing that hurt and hatred behind her eyes is killing me. "What do you want?" She asked again.

And I broke. "You. Always fucking you!"

She scoffed, "No you don't!" She exclaimed. "You don't want me, you're lonely! I'm not your pet, Shawn! I'm not gonna come at your beck and call. I'm a human being. A human being with real feelings. A human being still trying to fix what you broke," her finger jabbed into my chest. "You don't get to say that you miss me after the way you treated me."

"I know, but-"

"Do you seriously think you can defend yourself here?" Y/n crosses her arms over her chest and it only makes me more upset.

"What makes you think you have any right to defend yourself?"

"Excuse me?!"

"Yeah, you're out there fucking around with one of my close friends, right? What? Are you gonna say he's just a friend? That he's just looking out for your well-being? Because that's definitely not the case."

"WHO?! Which of your 'close friends' am I supposedly fucking around with?"

Hearing her curse that way reminds me that we're in my parent's house and I suddenly feel really bad for causing this scene in front of my mum, but we're already too far gone.

"Oh, don't play dumb!"

"Enlighten me." She won't budge from her spot, but I've paced so much and so quickly that I was starting to leave a path in the carpet.

"With Connor. I saw you were together on your instagram."

"How could you even see that if I blocked you?"

"Are you gonna deny it?"

"Am I not allowed to have friends, Shawn? Because last I checked, you weren't my boyfriend, and you sure as hell weren't my 'keeper.' You don't have any right to tell me who I can and can't hang out with. So what if I'm hanging out with him? We got close on tour." She said with a shrug, "not that it's any of your business, but we are just friends"

"I haven't written since you left," I said lowly, suddenly much too tired to continue this screaming match that literally just started. "And I've been seeing this girl," I said and tried to find some type of emotion behind her eyes, but there was nothing.

"Then why the hell should it matter if I was with Connor? Even as friends."

I couldn't answer her yet, so I continued, "She never wants to hang out. She's only there for awards and stuff. It kind of sucks actually."

She scoffed, "That's funny. Because that seemed to be exactly what you were wanting while we were together."

"That's not what I wanted, y/n. I just lost sight of what we had, my feelings got confused, and they shouldn't have. I didn't mean to hurt you that way."

"But you did! And now you're complaining for what? Because she's not waiting around for you like I was?"

"Honey-"

"No! You don't get to call me that anymore! You have no right!"

"Okay," I hold my hands up in defense. "I'm sorry. I just, I don't know what to say to make this better. I didn't realize that you felt this way until it happened to me. And it's the worst feeling. I feel like nothing I do will ever be good enough." I sigh, "and I'm miserable without you," I confessed.

"I'm sorry to hear that. But that's not my fault. You made the decisions that you did and you lost me in the process. That was all you."

"I want to go back. Forget that it's over."

"But you can't," she said, finally uncrossing her arms.

"But if we could?"

She shook her head, "even if we could. I'm not willing to forget."

"Will we ever be okay again? Be the way we used to be? Before we started dating."

She sighed and her gaze dropped once again. "As far as I'm concerned," she started. "You and I were strangers before we got together… and we're strangers once again." With a heavy sigh and a quick run of her fingers through her hair, she turned her attention back to the door that my sister walked out of just minutes ago. "I have to go. Your sister's waiting."

Don't go, I think to myself. Let me fix this. Let me try. But of course I don't say this. I watch her fingers curl around knob and my own fingers twitch, just aching to reach for her. But then the door closes with a soft click behind her and I find myself leaning against that same hard wood, tears blurring my vision.

I slide to the floor, my head in my hands, shoulders shaking with my uncontrolled sobs.

I never thought I'd feel this heartbreak. It's even worse the second time, somehow. Maybe because I know now that this is it for us.

Because I was always the master of words, and her of action. But in this moment, there are no words to save me, nor weapons to save her.

We are caught, defenseless, on seperate sides of the door.

***

CG taglist: @mx-and-mb @toolazymyguy @jaysgotabadrep @suckerformendes @sixwyrxstuff @particularmila @lizzy-rome99 @trustmeimadoctor2011 @coralchloe

Permanent taglist: @curlyshawny @shawns-badreputation @anamariel2301 @bbellbagel @turtoix @tomshufflepuff @ivegotparticulartaste

A/n: I didn't feel the same way about this one as I did the first one, but I hope you enjoyed it!

Like, reblog, and leave feedback!! 💙

[agirlunderarock]

Hello! For the fandom ask game, Star Wars seems too vast, so. The Kenobi show?

First of all I'm going to start by saying this is my second time typing this up and I'm going to cry if it gets deleted again. Second- Thank you friend I love you, I love this ask, bless you for narrowing it down to the Kenobi show. I can pick my top two characters easy, but my top three is hard to decide on and it would have made me have a small crisis. But anways lets see if I can do this and not have it get deleted this time! 5 favourite characters

Obi-Wan: I don't think anyone is surprised by this, so I'm not going to elaborate.

Reva: I meant it when I said, I don't trust you if you think she should have died. I mean it. I love where she's going. I was so fucking terrified they were going to kill her. After what I had to endure during Book of Boba Fett, I DID NOT TRUST ANYONE do her justice. Now I have SOME trust but I only trust Ms. Debra with Reva. No one else touch her. Reva has the potential to have one of the greatest character arcs in Star wars and I'll be damned if anyone takes that from her. Like I could finally have another character outside of Zuko to be like "this is how you write a good redemption arc." I have hope for that, but that means we need more Reva, and half the star wars fans don't deserve her. The only reason Obi-Wan keeps his top slot is because I've known him longer, but I've been dying for a story like Reva's since I jumped back into star wars.

Tala: No one fucking touch me, I cried like a baby when she died. I knew it was coming, because unfortunately someone always dies for development, I'm just glad she sorta took it into her own hands, instead of like another "I just died in your arms tonight" moment. I was reminded of Rogue One and it made me UNWELL. I miss her. I wanted more of her character.

Leia: And this is purely because former roommate texted me after she saw the first episode and said that little Leia reminded her of me- and I wasn't entirely sure how to process that. I have since rewatched A New Hope and Empire Strikes back and have been UNWELL in realizing how much of her attitude I just straight up absorbed, mostly in the form of sassy remarks instead of being emotionally vulnerable. I'm sure theres more to it, but no one talks about themselves accurately and this is supposed to be about Leia not me. But anyways I don't trust anyone who says they don't like Leia- just say you don't like kids or little girls with loud opinions. I still won't trust you, but at least you'll finally be honest.

I feel like its lame of me to include Vader on this list, but like- heres the thing. Listen listen....I paused E3 the moment he started the fire. I paused it and I fucking laughed at this petty man's fuckery. I laughed because my thought was, "Anakin you petty bitch, you're going to TRY to burn this man like you did on mustafar oh my god you petty son of a bitch" and once I recovered from sheer amount of petty fuckery I hit play. It was instantaneous. It was 4 am and I nearly screamed and woke up the house because I didn't think it was going to THAT far and they did. I fucking started crying. No other character has made go from laughing to sobbing that fucking fast. Also the part with the ship, and I didn't like that he moved quickly it freaked me out. So yeah, this was the first time I think I really processed Vader and I'm a little fucked up.

3 OTPs*

I'm gonna be real honest, I was glad that there wasn't any mention of his past romantic relationships. Like yes, I have written a character that is in a relationship with Obi-Wan, but even then I wrestle with the fact of do I want them to actually be romantic or do I want it to be plantonic and more like a qpr. My point for this is that I feel like Obi-Wan's story hits the hardest without any kind of romantic interest, and I'm glad it wasn't even a factor in this show. I have a lot of thoughts on his relationship with Satine, but thats another post I may or may not get to. This is a long way of saying that it took me a long time to think of any kind of relationships because I forget things and am actually a dumbass.

BailXBreha: I fucking love them I miss them every day. I want S2 only for them to come back. They had minimal screen time, but I would die for fics about them raising Leia. I adore them.

OwenXBeru: Like I said I went to rewatch A New Hope and I am 100% convinced that they took out at least a squad of troopers before we see Luke go home. I miss them too. I can't believe I lose them in the same movie I lose the Organas and I'm not okay with that.

Obi-WanXSleep: If you know anything about me you'll know this is my number one ship. Its very important to me I hold it dearly, and evidently so does Leia.

Funniest character:

Is it bad if I say its a tie between Vader, Haja, and Leia- I feel like it is. I'm gonna go with Haja, because I love him too. He won me at "You remembered my name" and the little smile he gave. Man I'd be in the exact same boat if he called me by name. Haja is a stronger man than I am though because I would have just puddled on the floor and been absolutely useless.

Prettiest character

You know this question is harder than I thought-

I was going to say Obi-Wan, because every time I see a gif come across my dash, I just sorta sigh and think "He's so pretty" and thinking about how I'm supposed to meet Ewan in August set my heart racing and so I feel like I should say Obi-Wan is the prettiest

BUT TALA AND REVA ARE RIGHT THERE AND THEY ARE GORGEOUS.

You know what this one goes to Reva. I love her so damn much okay. Her story, her, she's amazing and I love her for all the reasons why I've listed in the character piece.

Most bad-ass character

This is stupid hard because I can think of scenes before the actual characters but I might say-

nope scratch that, I was gonna say Vader for the ship scene but no

there is another....BERU AND OWEN FUCKING GOING TOE TO TOE WITH REVA HAD ME SCREAMING OKAY No they win okay.

Character I’d like as my BFF

All of them, Haja, he's a fun guy, definitely him

Character that’s ruined my life

All of them

[justherefortaylorswift]

there’s glitter on the floor after the party...

Taylor,

*About 9 days ago, on May 22nd, 2018, I had just arrived home from your Seattle show at CenturyLink Field. It was 4am and I couldn’t sleep. I had so much on my mind and was still on a high from your show. So, in the early hours of the morning, after my friends had long gone to bed, I began to write. I’ve revised my original note quite a bit since then. I’ve also had the opportunity to do some additional reflecting since tour, and I have some thoughts. So, I guess this is the end-result of a mash-up of 4AM overly-emotional rambling, combined with well thought-out, fully coherent, mature writing. I feel like I really over-explained this. I could have been a lot less-awkward in setting this up. Let's just get into it:

[SO. I just got home from your Seattle show. It's 4 am and I can't sleep. This was my 6th tour, and I made what seems like an infinite amount of unforgettable memories with a group of incredible people I call my ‘Swiftie Fam” (the name needs work...). There's Cecil (my long-time, Canadian Swiftie friend, you’ll see him in earlier posts), Wanda (Cecil’s wife), Kaeden (7. Cecil & Wanda’s son. Major Swiftie. His first concert!), and finally the beautiful Maile (a recent addition to the fam, and now a life-long friend!).  It’s hard to explain in words, but we all have developed a connection that’s special and unique because of what we experienced together. I couldn’t have asked for a better group of people to stand by my side tonight. We danced, laughed, and cried together… I don’t think I’ve ever felt more understood. These people ‘get’ me.

Not surprisingly, I screamed every single lyric at the top of my lungs and subsequently lost my voice almost IMMEDATIELY. With that in mind, I suppose a more accurate description would be: I wasn’t so much singing, as I was gasping for the remainder of the show. I literally danced with until I was out of breath. I cried (ok, SOBBED) all of my make-up off (a Long Live/NYD mash-up… are you kidding me?! I FEEL ATTACKED). 

By the end of the night, I resembled a pathetic, overly-emotional, glittery, drowned rat.

and I was living my absolute best life.

Also, I was REALLY proud of our outfits this time around! I think we did a decent job of recreating your Direct TV commercial, with my rainbow two-piece, and Cecil’s interpretation of Olivia Benson dressed as a Caticorn (I can’t say I ever thought I’d use that in a sentence). It consisted of around 8-10 hours total of gluing, painting, and hand-sewing, leading up to the show. Everything turned out awesome, way better than expected. Totally worth the man hours! Wanda hand-made matching these adorable matching t-shirts for her and little Kaden (Big Rep & Little Rep), and Maile constructed a beautiful MASTERPIECE from the mountain LYWMMD outfit- it was freakin’ incredible and HOT!

There was something a bit different about this tour for a couple of reasons:

[The production.] I don’t think I’ve experienced such sensory-overload in my LIFE. The whole time it was like a constant stream of frantic, internal dialogue with a lot of run-on sentences, like, “WHAT IS HAPPENING SHE’S GIVING US CHOREO OMG YAAASSS WERK HONEY IF A MAN TALKS SHIT WE DON'T OWE HIM A DAMN THING OH MY GOD ITS RAINING CONFETTI I MUST COLLECT IT I HOPE THESE MULTI-COLORED FLASHING LIGHTS DON’T GIVE ME AN EPILEPTIC ATTACK WHERE THE F-CK DID THESE GIGANTIC SNAKES COME FROM THERE ARE LITERALLY STAGES EVERYWHERE I’M OVERWHELMED OH SHIT SHES PULLING A SPEAK NOW BY WALKING THROUGH THE CROWD WHAT'S GOING ON OH GOD F-CKING FIREWORKS THESE VOCALS ARE LIT THO I'M SWEATING I’M DEFINITELY GONNA NEED THERAPY AFTER THIS NEW YEARS DAY/LONG LIVE MASH UP IS THAT A FOUNTAIN WHATS HAPPENING OH GOD IT’S REAL WATER AND SHE’S IN THE FOUNTAIN I’M HAVING A 2008 SHOULD’VE SAID NO ACM AWARDS FLASHBACK MOMENT HOLY SH-T MORE F-CKING FIREWORKS SO MUCH PYRO IS THIS EVEN LEGAL” I’ve gotta say, you have BEST band (Paul, Amos and Mike..OGS), vocalists (Eliott and Kamilah…the TALENT), and all the dancers. Every single person on that stage was on FIRE, and their talent, passion, and individual personalities made the night sparkle.

[The fans.] I freaking adore this fan culture. I’ve never met a Swiftie who wasn’t ridiculously friendly, welcoming, and super relatable. The vibe was so positive. I’ve never smiled, waved and taken pictures with so many random strangers in my life. It felt as if we were literally in a different world that day. It felt like home.

[YOU!.]  We need to talk about this major GLO UP you’ve got going on, honey. You exude SO much confidence and you're just pure sunshine. When I think about the way you’ve carried yourself these past couple of years through all of the BS drama, I can’t help but feel damn proud. You’ve successfully converted pain into art, into music. Real music, that’s poignant, raw, and just BAD ASS. Your lyrics continue to foster a special connection you maintain with the audience...a connection that often times breathes life into brokenness.

I felt like the luckiest girl in the entire world tonight. 

This may have been my best concert experience ever, which is actually pretty ironic because:

Unlike Red, I wasn’t in the Pit

I didn’t have VIP seating, like 1989

You weren’t close enough for any potential high fives, waves, or eye contact like I experienced at Speak Now at B-Stage

We were not chosen for Rep Room (or T-Party, Club Red, or Loft 89)

…But, it was OK. It was way more than OK. It was truly a dream.

Listen: Something I've always deeply admired about you is that you make it a priority to maintain a personal relationship with the fans.  It’s clear you want to meet as many of us as possible, and you make a conscious effort to do so. You get to know us as individuals and you CARE, and that means everything us and makes such an impact. I mean, you invite us into your HOME for crying out loud, you walk through massive crowds and give high-fives, you lurk our Instagrams and Tumblrs and interact on social media, and you always make a notable effort to meet as many of us as possible at tour.

However, this can sometimes turn into a bit of a "Catch 22" situation for people. The downside, is that it’s honestly SUPER easy to fall into the “trap” of being consumed with the possibility of meeting you after your shows. Due to the fact that the “selection” process is both intentional, yet also random. To be transparent, it's quite difficult to not obsess with the idea of ‘trying’ to get chosen. I witness this behavior so often, in others and in myself just as much, if not more. Selfishly, I often feel not only jealous, but UPSET when I see photos/read experiences of other fans meeting you. I sometimes feel like the only one who hasn’t yet gotten the opportunity.  It can quickly turn into a mind-game if you're not careful, which has the potential to become toxic if we allow the idea of meeting you to rule supreme over what it's actually about...which is the MUSIC. And, this amazing show you put on for us night after night. And somewhat understandably so, I've witnessed the obsession with being chosen to meet you become a main focus point for a lot of us (including myself a bit!). It's pretty stressful, and can easily dampen or cheapen the concert experience, if you're not careful. As dramatic as this probably sounds, Tumblr (and social media) can be brutal within this fandom, and dare I say ‘cut-throat’ at times. It's easy to get upset watching (what seems like) literally EVERYONE get that opportunity, except you. 

That said, I had a wake-up call/mini-epiphany recently, which manifested while driving home from your show at Midnight on May 22nd with my friends, feeling so amazing and so grateful for what I just experienced…but also a little guilty because I feel like I’ve spent way too much time worrying about the possibility of meeting at you when you come to Seattle, how to get the attention of Taylor Nation, where to find Mama Swift, getting that guitar pick from Papa Swift, and this time was no different. Granted, my intentions are 100% pure and it’s only because you’ve meant so freakin much to me for so many years, and it's almost as if my life won’t be complete until I finally get to tell you in person. That said, there is certainty a valuable lesson to be learned here. I am confident that you and I will come face-to-face one day (hopefully with my Swifie fam!). The stars will align at the exactly the right time, and I will have my moment with you, and it will be SO worth the wait. You can't "force" stuff like this, you know? The privilege of meeting you is almost ‘sacred’ in a sense. At least in my opinion. Anyway, my point is: I refuse to a continue to attempt to “create fate” by attempting to "earn" my worthiness in fandom. It’s not productive, it's not healthy, and it’s not cute.

Alright, this is getting out of hand. I need to wrap this up. 🤣 I’m not sure whether or not you’ve seen any of my throwback photo-posts I posted the week leading up to the show. They definitely explain a lot more about me, and my history being a fan. Either way, I must reiterate how grateful I am to have you in my life, and that support you 100% and will always be here. The amount of hope, joy and comfort you've given me over the past 10+ years is insurmountable, and I'll never be able to repay you for that. And I mean that in the most sincere way. Not a lot of things make me as happy as you make me (especially lately). This experience was the ‘boost’ I needed, I think. And like I said, the relationship I have with my friends/Swiftie Fam is invaluable, and I look forward to making memories with them at your shows in the future. You’ve brought the most random group of people together and created a bond that’s unique, unconditional and unbreakable, and I think that’s so cool.

This was A LOT longer than I originally intended it to be. This escalated quickly. Haha. Thanks for listening. 💗

Don’t read the last page…]

Love you, T

Crystal

@taylorswift

@taylornation

@ceunit

@maileswiftie

[photos]:  1) The whole crew: Cecil, Wanda, Kaeden, Maile and myself at our seats. 2) Kaeden the night before the show. SO EXCITED!! 3) Testing out the Caticorn onesie w/ Cecil 4) Cecil and myself FULLY DECKED and ready to go. 5) Wanda and Kaeden: Big Rep & Lil’ Rep! 6) the girls! Maile, Wanda and Me pre-show 7) Us at the end of the show! And yes, that’s me in the middle..in disbelief, exhausted, sweaty, and a physical and emotional wreck (see also: ‘drowned rat’ description above). 8) All of us after the show literally in a hotel lobby (and glitter on the floor after the party!), waiting for traffic to die down before we headed home.