#if you're ever wondering if i've replied or not

[walkingstackofbooks]

Once again, an imagined 3-paragraph-whatsit has grown into a little longer ficlet 😅😅...

Occasionally, Julian asks Palis what's going to happen to them when he graduates and leaves with Starfleet for the stars. Usually, she just laughs, asking "Why worry about the future, when what we have now is so good?", or jokes about how she'll have to make sure she ties him up securely enough to stop that happening.

So he tries not to think about it too much, and accepts that their relationship is one of those that's not going to last forever - which is fine, what they have is good, and he was lucky that Palis had ever chosen him in the first place. Their futures being different from each other doesn't lessen the love that they have for each other now.

And then, six months away from graduating, Paris proposes. And Julian accepts, because what else do you do when your beautiful, amazing girlfriend proposes, even if it is completely unexpected?

He does wonder what made her change her mind though - she's never shown any interest in leaving France before, or in a long-distance relationship - but he's learnt not to ask her these things directly over the years, and so for a few days he tiptoes round the subject, dropping hints and subtle questions which she dances around as gracefully as ever.

The following Friday, she invites their parents round for a celebratory meal. She doesn't like it when he's critical of his parents - it's disrespectful - so he grins and bears it and doesn't tell her he'd much rather just cuddle up with her and a film and a takeaway for the evening.

"Have you told him the news?" her father asks as they sit down for the meal. Her face lights up, and she turns to beam at Julian, reaching out for to grasp his hand.

"No, I left it for you," she replies.

And suddenly, Julian's being offered a job here in Paris. He could be Chief of Surgery in five years, apparently. Or, as Monsieur Delon -Henri - assures him, if he wanted to get deeper into research, then Saint-Antoine has very close links with univerisities all across Europe.

"I-I thought... You're not coming with me?" he asks Palis in a daze. She smiles at him brightly.

"Of course not! What would I do in space?" she laughs. "Jules, this is perfect - I know you'll be an incredible doctor, and now you don't have to leave me. I've been hoping it would work out, but I didn't want to tell you until dad had got it all sorted - isn't he the best?"

"What a wonderful opportunity!" Amsha gushes. "And here in Paris! You'll be grateful to have stayed so close to London, when you need us to help with our grandchildren."

It is a very good opportunity, and Julian should want it, shouldn't he - to have this life with Palis, to have family looking out for him, for Palis not to give up the job she loves...

His heart is racing. He feels sick.

"I'm sorry," he says faintly, standing up and bringing a hand to his stomach. "I, uh - cramps, you know? Excuse me."

He leaves the room quickly, hearing the scraping of a chair behind him - presumably Palis coming to find out what's really wrong.

She follows him through to their bedroom, glaring at him from the door as he sits down on the edge of their bed.

"That was rude," she snaps, "and don't tell me it was cramps. You had your period last week."

"I was trying not to be rude!" Julian tries to explain. "I know your father must have put in a lot of work to make this happen, I don't want to sound ungrateful or say the wrong thing—"

"Then just say yes!" Palis interrupts. "What is wrong with you? It's perfect, and here you are having a fucking panic attack about it!"

"I'm not— I..." There's a buzzing in his ears, and he trails off, reaching for something neutral. "I don't— I don't like surpises," he reminds her quietly.

To his relief, she softens, despite how pathetic he's being. Settling beside him, she starts rubbing firm circles into his back, grounding him, letting him bask in her touch.

"Oh, sweetheart, I'm sorry," she says. "Is that what all this is about? It being a surprise? Oh, Julian, if I'd known you didn't like them, I wouldn't have done it like this at all. You should have told me."

He leans into her, taking deep breaths and comfort in her familiar smell.

"I've just been so excited about this," Palis explains. "I hoped you would be too. And I know you don't want kids right now, but your mum's right, neither of us have had surgery yet, so one day..."

"'Course I'm excited," he tells her, not quite sure if he's lying. "It's just, it's all—"

"A lot, I know," she finishes for him. "I'm nervous too. It's a big decision."

He nods slowly. "Can I have some—"

"Water?" she asks. "I'll go get some for you."

He had been going to say 'time to think', but Palis is already off, and now he thinks about it, she was right - his throat is rather dry.

She returns, and he sips the water gratefully, tapping his fingers against the glass until Palis tells him to stop.

"Are you ready to go back in?" she asks. "Our parents will be getting hungry."

Julian thinks about telling her he isn't, but quickly dismisses it. That would be rude.

"Okay. Yeah. Let's go, fiancée." That word, at least, is still exciting in its newness, and his mouth stumbles upon a smile before its even out of his mouth.

"I like that," she says, pulling him up form the bed and then into her. "You're mine now," she whispers in his ear, in a way that makes him really wish that their parents were not still waiting for them in the kitchen.

But they are, and although they seem to have already started on the food (Julian would bet anything that was Richard's idea), Julian and Palis can't hide in their bedroom forever. And there's still the small matter of accepting Henri's offer.

"Um, sorry about that," he says, sliding back into his seat. His mother's eyes are on him, and he looks away, knowing she's going to want to 'talk' to him later - she didn't buy his cramps excuse, either.

He turns to Palis' father, fixing his eyes on him for an excruciating few seconds. "I really appreciate what you're doing for me and Palis," he says. "It means a lot. I'd love to work with you, thank you."

His mouth has gone dry again, but Henri is standing up and holding out his hand, which means he wants Julian to shake it. In an effort he's quite proud of, Julian manages not to break eye contact until they've both sat down again. The chatter resumes, and as he reaches for his glass, he frowns at his hand, wondering why it's shaking.

Headcanon that Julian had a bunch of “relationships” as a teen with older people just to piss his parents off/to get away from them (because his gfs and bfs in their 20s would have their own place he could stay at...) and that he never really had a chance to learn what a healthy partnership looked like.

And then that Palis was emotionally abusive towards Julian, in a way that he never quite put his finger on...

And that his attraction towards Garak was in part due to the way that Garak felt dangerous to be around. Not because that was new or exciting or thrilling, but because it was familiar.

[pens-swords-stuff]

Hello Undine!! It has been a HOT MINUTE, but it is I, Kewpie Anon!! I had actually sent you a reply a while back, but as I was writing it, my computer crashed🙃. I have ADHD, so all the executive function I mustered to write up my long ass reply faded away...SO HERE'S A TLDR; turns out the mayo we use in our household isn't even kewpie LMAO??? I asked my mum and she was like 「キユーピーって味が酸っぱいから嫌い〜」and I was like *white man blinking gif in Mandela effect*. So I opened the fridge...and it's this brandless mayo bottle with a yellow cap. No clue who the maker is, but it ain't kewpie. So there goes the entire basis of my internet persona😂. ALSO!! I have always loved the キユーピーたらこ CMs, and I aspire to inflict that chaotic gremlin energy upon my friends. Anyway, what finally kicked my ass into gear to reply was this: seeing that you identify as greyasexual biromantic. **SPIDER MAN GIF INTENSIFIES CAUSE I DO TOO?!?!** I am shook. I only know one other person who is biromantic, and it was only because of them that I realised I was too. It sure answered why I had pined for my high school best friend while not wanting anything physical with her. So, yeah!! Solidarity!! Now, here's my question to you: do you read Japanese novels? If so, which ones did you enjoy? Sadly, while I am a fluent speaker, my kanji knowledge is lacking (but I'm working on it!). I'd love to hear your thoughts😊. Cheers!

Kewpie anon!!! It's so nice to hear from you. I was actually just wondering how you were doing a couple days ago.

I am so sorry about your mayo dilemma; that's got to be a huge shock!!! Mandela effect: it's SO real. It's funny, my mom and grandma say the exact same thing about Kewpie mayonnaise. Maybe you're an Ajinomoto family like we are?? We can just pretend that your internet persona is just based off those ICONIC Kewpie tarako commercials and nothing else. Or you know, the actual kewpie dolls.

And oh my god maybe we're actually the same person??? That's incredible, we have so much in common. I personally don't know many biromantic people either!!! Talking about stuff like this is so important, because it took me a really long time actually learn that asexuality was a thing, and even longer to realize that it made a lot of sense to me. I am so glad to have met you omg

I haven't read many Japanese novels, mostly because I always gravitated towards video games, manga, how to draw books, video game guides, and psychology books when I was in Japan, back when I was younger. I got a bit more interested in reading Japanese novels when I started high school, but then I stopped being able to go to Japan every summer like I used to. Which obviously means, less exposure to Japanese bookstores which is a SHAME because they are incredible?? It is insane how enjoyable it is to read Japanese nonfiction books. They're so cute and pretty with so many pictures and diagrams and art while being really easy to read and ughhh

I have no idea when I'm able to go to Japan next, but I'm definitely looking forward to grabbing more novels to read!

Here are the books that I have on my bookshelf right now. I used to have more, but my mom and I are going through a massive house cleaning and reorganization right now, so I packed away the others in boxes.

I actually haven't read most of these yet.

Of these, I've only read ビリギャル. I remember when it was a huge deal several years ago and I picked up it a little while later. It was really good and super inspiring.

I am a huge mystery fan, and because I don't know many Japanese authors and what books are good, you can definitely tell that I trend towards them. 暗黒女子、探偵倶楽部 and その時までサヨナラ are all mysteries. I'll read them someday I'm sure. I think they were all really popular back when they came out because they were on display and had the little notes written about them, you know? So I'm positive that they're amazing.

I haven't read those 王様ゲーム books yet either, but I did read the original 王様ゲーム trilogy (the ones in the picture are the sequel trilogy, I think). One interesting thing that I noticed was that I picked up a lot of psychological horror type books when I was in Japan several years ago, even though I'm not a horror fan. You can read the Wikipedia article here if you're interested! I don't know if this type of story is your jam, but I'm a huge fan of the death game subgenre, so it was right up my alley.

On a similar psychological horror/death game binge (I got all of the horror books at the same time. I must've been going through something), I read モニタールーム and リアル鬼ごっこ.

All of those horror books were really haunting, and my family asked me if I was okay several times as I was reading them. But they were really good; I couldn't put them down.

One book that I remember reading for a 読書感想文 when I was in elementary school is 虹色蛍. It's a story about time traveling to a 昭和 era Japan and while I don't remember the details, I remember it having a pretty profound impact on me as a kid. If kanji is a bit of a struggle for you (isn't it for everyone?), this might be a good one to read since it's geared towards younger audiences, but the story still packs a massive punch and adults can enjoy it too.

I also remember one of my Japanese school classmates lending me ケータイ小説 back when they were a thing called テディベア. I think this was the first Japanese 文庫本 that I read ever. It's definitely a tragic tearjerker, and me and my friends at Japanese school all spent 休み時間 crying our eyes about over this book because my friend had all of us read it.

I know there were a few others, but I can't remember what they're called 😭 I don't even know what to google so I can find them. I'll definitely let you know if I remember anything else.

I'm also studying kanji! I attended a Japanese school every Saturday, so I do know most of the kanji. I can read it just fine to survive everyday in Japan and read books. And if I don't know how to read it, I can use context clues to figure it out. But writing them is definitely a lot harder for me! It's easy to get away with not writing them because we have cell phones and computers to type them out on (I always have my cell phone in hand when writing in Japanese to see how to write the kanji), but I have a couple of 漢字検定 workbooks that are around 六級 and 七級, that I've been slowly working through to brush up on my ability. I want to be able to write them! And my Japanese handwriting is atrocious so I've been practicing them too. When I go to Japan next, whenever that may be, I'm definitely planning on buying several kanji workbooks all the way from elementary school level to high school level so I can practice. And the ones for elementary school kids look really fun, so...

Let me know if you have any reccs for me too. I'm always so overwhelmed at bookstores to make a purchase because they all look so good!

Also I have this very good link for watching バラエティー番組　for free without subscription,,, Let me know if you want it. I love watching them.

[aphoenixgurl]

"I may just do that," she said with a smirk as she stepped closer still. The blonde seemed feisty, which made Mary all the more glad that she had made such an approach. It felt nice to have such a lovely woman checking her out for once rather than the usual men, something that seemed relatable to both of them. "Thank you darling, you look gorgeous as well, but I'm certain you know that," she replied before sipping her drink. The comment about showing off simply made her shrug. Hearing Poppy reveal more of herself eased the tension for Mary a bit as she moved to lean against the bar with her. "That's wonderful, darling. I'm glad you're sticking up for yourself. I'm certain you'll land on your feet and be better for it," she said encouragingly. The question turned back on her made the older woman seem a little uneasy, but she put on a brave smile. "I'll be honest with you. My husband is off somewhere with friends for the weekend, probably at a strip club or some such at the moment is my guess. It felt entirely unfair for me to stay at home," she explained, "And, to be frank, I've come to realize that I'm much more interested in lovely women like yourself than I think I ever have been with him. Not that I've ever gone to look for one before or anything. I'm Mary, by the way."

Poppy scoffed a little at her words, but shrugged her shoulders anyways. "If you think you can handle me, you're very free to try." The blonde scanned the woman's body for a moment, impressed by her sense of style. She just reeked of money and Poppy liked that very much. "I love your dress. It suits you very well." The blonde complimented the other, with a a brief glance down the woman's cleavage. "Don't we all want a bit of attention?" Poppy cocked her head while she watched Mary closely. "I just quit my very toxic job, so I thought I might aswel celebrate, either by myself or with someone." She couldn't help the little chuckle that left her mouth. "I'm Poppy, by the way. What are you doing out here besides stealing all male attention from me?"