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elpickett · 10 months

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Sense Her is out on AO3!

The first (and last) times Joel sees, hears, smells, touches, and tastes Tess.

This is the prequel of sorts to my new Tess Lives series, I wanted to explore Tess and Joel a bit more before I let them be happy and back together. It focuses on how they met and the very early part of the outbreak.

Rating: M

Words: 3k

Warnings: Major character death (does it count if she's not actually dead?), standard violence levels for TLOU.

Full fic below the cut if you'd rather read it here!

Joel Miller's first sight of Theresa Servopoulos was through a rifle scope, watching her dig a knife behind a man's knee cap until he began to speak. He and Tommy had been tailing her group of eight for a few days now, trying to work out where they were headed. In their experience, a group of that size moving purposefully meant some sort of settlement, and they desperately needed to trade for ammo that would actually fit their guns.

This, though, was a surprise. Tommy had clocked pretty fast that the group was divided into two or possibly three smaller groups, the tension rising steadily as time went on. They'd been expecting some shouting and the group splitting, not the only woman of the group, long auburn hair tied back with a bandanna, to stab someone in a way designed to maximise pain and avoid killing them. Joel should probably have found it less attractive than he did.

He turned to Tommy, who was still watching the scene through his rifle scope.

‘Any idea what's happening?’ he asked his brother, lifting the binoculars back up to his face.

‘Think one of the men made the mistake of coming onto her,’ Tommy answered, ‘definitely put hands on her at least, she didn't start it.’

‘As long as they still head towards the settlement,’ Joel responded, dropping the binoculars and picking up his rifle and heading back to the edge of the woods, ‘you keep watch, I'll sort dinner.’

~~~~~~~

The first time Joel heard Tess speak was three days later, when he was sitting on watch beside his and Tommy's stuff, rifle loose in his hands as his brother slept next to him. She slipped through the trees, silent as a ghost, gun loose at her side, and sat opposite him on the other side of the fire, ignoring the gun pointed at her chest entirely.

‘I’ll tell you where the nearest settlement is if you take me with you. I know you've been tailing the people I'm with, and the amount of firearms you have on you suggests you probably need ammo, as food doesn't seem to be an issue,’ she said, nodding towards the deer carcass hanging across the clearing. Her accent wasn’t local, Joel may have lost track of exactly where they were - Tennessee he thought, but he couldn’t be sure - but she was from significantly further north than whenever they were, most likely Midwestern.

‘How’d you know we were here?’ Joel responded brusquely, gun not wavering at all.

‘The rifle scope is reflective. First couple times I wrote it off, but by the third day it was clear someone was tailing us,’ she said, pulling a water bottle out of her pack.

‘Why wouldn't ya’ just go with your group?’

‘They aren't my group. I've been temporarily travelling with them, and that temporary period is now over, given I stabbed one of them. I'd really rather not travel alone, and since you and your brother haven't tried to kill us, rape me, or steal all our shit yet, you're my best option.’

‘We’re a shitty option.’

‘And that would be why I said best, not good. Try anything, I'll stab you too,’ she said, before picking a pinecone from beside her foot and lightly throwing it at Tommy, who sat up, gun loaded and pointed at her before he was fully awake. ‘Impressive,’ she mused, not reacting to the now pair of guns pointed at her.

‘Oh, it's you,’ Tommy said, blinking sleep from his eyes. ‘Wait, why are you here?’

‘We’re travelling to the next settlement together. I know where it is, you don't, and I would like not to go alone. I'm meeting the rest of my group there,’ Tess said coolly.

‘’Kay. D’ya have to wake me up early for that, though? I was hopin’ for more sleep,’ Tommy said, putting the gun down and going to roll over.

‘Tommy!’ Joel hissed, still holding the gun.

‘What? She knew we were followin’ her and she found us here so she's clearly competent, and besides if she wanted us dead she would have shot ya’ before I woke up. She's goin’ where we want to go and is willin’ to take us there. Plus this way we can split watches three ways, this is a win for all of us. Now pipe the fuck down, I'm sleepin’. We can leave at dawn,’ Tommy said, gesturing vaguely with the hand not holding a gun. Tess may not have had much experience with firearms (she hadn't learnt to use one before the outbreak, and hadn't found someone to teach her properly since. The one she carried was more for show than anything else, her words normally enough to keep her safe and a pair of daggers filling in when words weren't enough), but she knew just enough to be impressed by the younger man's trigger discipline even when half asleep.

‘Works for me,’ Tess said, shrugging and pulling a sleeping bag out her rucksack - a warm one, Joel noted, much thicker than his and Tommy's. She crawled inside (clothes and shoes still on, pack neatly fastened and ready to grab to leave at a moments notice, gun loaded and tucked next to her, same as Tommy's), rolled her eyes at the sight of Joel still staring at her, and rolled away from him.

~~~~~~~

The following morning, Joel learnt what she smelled like. He’d kept his gun on her the rest of the night, splitting his attention between her and the woods in case it was a trap. She’d woken with dawn by herself, slipping out of her sleeping bag and going to relieve herself (taking the gun, but leaving her gear, Joel noted), and had arrived back as Joel began prodding Tommy to wake up. Tommy hadn’t been good with mornings and getting up on time since he was teenager, and despite Joel's hopes time in the army had made that habit worse rather than better. She had pulled a granola bar out of her bag, and set up a pan of water over a small camping stove before heating water up, and pulling out a sachet of instant coffee. As Joel moved past her to get to the rest of their water supply to put out the remainder of the fire, he realised her gear apparently stretched to perfume, the scent of woodsmoke and coffee mixing with lavender and jasmine.

‘Ya’ got a good setup there,’ Tommy said, looking on jealously as she made up a large mug of coffee, adding several packets of sugar to it, as well as what looked rather a lot like long life milk.

‘Lots of stuff around if you know where to look,’ she shrugged, going to sip her drink before realising her coffee was definitely still too hot to not burn her mouth, putting it back down as she rolled up the sleeping bag and tucked it away. By the time her coffee was almost cool enough to drink and poured into a thermos to take with her, she had not only packed up but messed with the leaves and branches so you couldn’t tell anyone had been sleeping there.

They set off soon after, Tess pulling out a compass and a paper map (the same one Joel and Tommy had, not that it seemed to be doing them much good) and striding off past Joel to begin a long day of hiking, leaving nothing but the scent of jasmine in the air.

~~~~~~~

The first time Joel touched Tess beyond shoulders brushing as they walked or made dinner together (they had shared rations in Tess’ group so the food tasted better, plus it was much easier to justify having a decent selection of spices if everyone only had to carry the equivalent to one spice jar) was three weeks into knowing each other, when he ended up holding the skin of her stomach together as someone else stitched up a stab wound. This was certainly not how he wanted to first touch her skin and find out if it was as soft as it looked.

He was careful not to touch anything more than necessary or even look too closely at her mostly naked upper torso, to the point Tess would have thought the blood was making his queasy if she didn't know how little blood bothered him, or her, or Tommy, or the rest of their group. She thought it was funny, in a way, how respectful he was being while she was bleeding out. The group medic, an EMT before cordyceps, had cut her shirt down the front to get to her abdomen as fast as possible, then barked at Joel (the nearest person) to hold her still while he stitched her up, so Joel ended up with one hand on her hip bone, fingers brushing what he recognised as a C section scar, and the other spanning her entire rib cage, covering the pair of tattoos there and holding her still as she tried not to scream, the medic suturing as fast as could before tipping rubbing alcohol on the wound to try to sterilise it.

Tommy, still attempting to cover the four of them from the hunters firing at the them while the rest of their group picked them off one by one, glanced back in panic as Tess’ blood made its way across the floor in a river of blood towards him, soaking his trouser leg as he knelt. Joel, still trying to hold Tess still as she got stitched up, didn't move as her hand clung on to his arm hard enough to bruise, her eyes screwed shut with the pain. Even after the medic sat back on his heels, after Tommy and the others had dealt with the other group, Tess and Joel stayed as they were, his hands on her torso, her fingers digging into his elbow as her forehead moved to rest on his bicep as she breathed through the pain.

~~~~~~~

The first time he tasted Tess came a few weeks after she got stabbed, when the group found a liquor store. After drawing straws on who got to stay sober and on guard, everyone else had started drinking, enjoying spirits that most of them would never have been able to afford before cordyceps. Tommy was gleefully partaking in the drinking games (truth or dare, never have I ever, spin the bottle, and a bunch of other juvenile shit Joel was pretty sure people only did in college), whilst Joel and Tess passed a bottle of fancy gin between them, sitting next to each other a little further back from the bonfire.

‘God, I remember being young enough to think that was a good idea,’ Tess said, looking at the others playing games and swigging deeply before passing the bottle back to Joel.

‘Ya’ say that like it was a long time ago,’ Joel said, looking at her. She looked younger than him and Tommy, but he couldn't tell anything beyond late twenties.

‘Certainly feels like it, honestly felt like it before cordyceps too. Think I was done after I ended up getting a tattoo on a dare, then just started skipping straight to the drinking or drugs,’ she shrugged. ‘And besides, it's rude to ask a lady's age, Texas, didn't your Ma ever teach you manners?’

‘She did, hence why I didn't ask. Any information ya’ offer up in response to my statement is on you,’ he said, blushing slightly at being caught, his accent thickening.

Tess laughed, deep and full bodied, limbs heavy and loose from the alcohol.

‘I’m 27. Was born in ‘77. You?’

‘Thirty four,’ Joel responded, ‘Tommy turned 30 last month.’

‘Oh, so he's old now!’ Tess grinned.

‘The fuck does that make me?’

‘Distinguished. A silver fox. Han-’

‘I’m ain't going grey!’ Joel protested, cutting Tess off.

‘Oh?’ she said, rolling her eyes and carefully placing the gin bottle down, then twisting to straddle his lap, all her weight on top of him. He froze, before his arms quickly came up to hold her waist as she listed to one side, steadying her as best he could.

‘Then what, pray tell, is this?’ she said, hands finding a lock of hair and gently tugging, ‘because I hate to break it to you, Texas, but this ain't brown any more.’

Joel's breath caught in his throat as her hands gently combed through his her, their bodies pressed together, his mouth at the same height as her collarbone. He had a sudden impulse to lean forward and press his lips to it, and was halfway there before Tess tugged on his hair again, tilting his head up to look at her.

‘And what do you think you're doing?’ she asked, a twinkle in her eye that Joel was coming to realise meant she was fucking with someone (usually him).

‘I - nothing,’ he said, swallowing as one of her hands came down to his neck, her thumb pressing lightly on the side of his neck.

‘Well that won't do at all,’ Tess murmured, looking down at him, ‘if you aren’t doing anything you might have to think for once, and we can't have that.’ She bowed her head so their foreheads were touching, lips almost brushing his as she spoke.

‘Can I kiss ya’ now, darlin’?’ Joel asked, hands tightening slightly on her waist, carefully avoiding any pressure on the still healing knife wound. Tess smiled at him, a different smile to her usual fake one, and pressed their lips together softly for a few moments.

She tasted of the gin they'd been drinking for the last few hours, the stew they'd had for dinner, the spearmint gum she chewed while they walked. Her hand tangled in his hair as she pulled him back towards her, licking into his mouth as her other hand settled along his jaw, thumb brushing his cheek. And while their lips were pressed together, bodies tangling, laughing as they tried and failed to make it to where Tess was sleeping without falling over, Joel felt his world narrow until it contained only the woman in front of him, freckles barely visible and hair redder than normal in the firelight, Tess turned into flames set to burn him up in her wake. He welcomed it.

~~~~~~~

He realised, after he got Ellie to Lincoln, that he could barely remember all the last good times, not wanting those memories to belong to the ending they'd been dealt.

The last time her saw her remained in his head, the image on repeat of her begging him to take Ellie (as though he wouldn't, as though either of them would ever abandon a child, no matter how much it might hurt them to care for someone who wasn't the one child they wanted with them), arm shaking, the bite on her neck angry and fungus tendrils already snaking out from the wound. The scent of blood and dirt covering her jasmine lotion (the one luxury she afforded herself, always keeping it for herself if they found it or traded it), the shake in her voice as she spoke. She'd always had a way with words, a way of telling people what they wanted to hear and making them think her ideas were their own, so it killed him to hear her weakness, hear her losing what made him love her. The salt from the sweat on her forehead as he kissed her there, not wanting to risk pressing a kiss to her lips in goodbye. The feeling of her hand squeezing his as she told him to run.

Instead, he tried to focus on the good memories.

The last time he'd tasted her, a few days before they'd met Ellie, falling into bed together after a successful run, his head between her thighs as her hands tangled in his hair, holding him there until she was sated, kissing the taste of her off his lips.

The smell of her after she'd showered, making use of a rare period of hot water, the scent of her shampoo (rose scented, this time, a gift from Frank from last time they were in Lincoln) and lotion drifting into his nose as she curled around him in bed, her hair falling onto his chest.

The sight of her the morning before Robert’s men had beaten her up, perched on the kitchen counter and laughing at a joke, hair falling loose in waves around her shoulders in a way she never let it when they were working, wearing one of his shirts and a pair of long socks to combat the cold. He was attempting to cook eggs for breakfast, out of practice after so many years.

The sound of her talking to Ellie as they worked their way through Boston, trying to settle the girl (and him, Joel knew) and distract from the corpses littered around. Her voice as she spoke to Marlene, getting exactly what she wanted while Marlene thought she was getting a good deal. Her quiet words as they went to sleep the first night outside the walls, promises that they’d be okay, that the fireflies would take Ellie, that they’d go and find Tommy wherever he’d ended up.

The feel of her head on his thigh, using him as a pillow as he kept watch over her and Ellie, one of her hands curled around his leg as though to keep him close as one of his hands carded through her hair, gently working out the tangles as she slept, the skin on the back of her neck soft and smooth.

~~~~~~~

He clung to those memories later, sitting by the river, recounting them with each stone he added to her cairn - one for each sense, first and last, until ten stones sat neatly, one atop each other, the best grave he could give the woman he'd loved for so long. He briefly wished he would’ve been able to bury her properly, before remembering a long rant she’d gone on at one point about funerals being dumb and pointless. It made him feel better, at least, to know that she wouldn’t have wanted him to make a big deal of it. The way he mourned her was the same way he’d loved her: quiet, understanded, but always present, and always there.

#joel x tess #tessjoel #tess servopoulos #hbo tlou #tlou fic #joel miller #the last of us

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stinkylittleanon · 2 years

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Hello fren could you maybe do hcs for the 12' maincast reacting to a friend coming out as genderfluid?

-🐚anon (I'm probably gonna be back lol, ur very big brained)

I THINK YOU MEAN THE TMNT 2012 MAIN CAST, RIGHT?? IF I GET THIS WRONG THEN PLEASE TELL ME! I'll do the turtles! ALSO I'VE NEVER BEEN CALLED BIG BRAINED, IT FEELS ODD SINCE I ALWAYS CALL MYSELF PEA BRAINED LMAO -------- I'm gonna start with Raph, he's the first turtle I decided to try and research </3 I might take 2012 off my list, I didn't realize how much I forgot about it! --------- Raph!! - He'd be confused at first. What did that mean? - You'd have to explain it to him! ... Repeatedly. Again, again, again. He can't just seem to get a hang of it at first! - Raph ends up getting frustrated with himself (and you a bit) because he can't understanding it - Until you explain it in the DUMBEST way possible! - Then he semi understands! - You seem scared, though, so he'd gently place a hand on your shoulder and smile at you. "While I don't ENTIRELY understand... I'm no jerk- kinda. I accept you for who you are. Heh, I mean- Look at me! I'm a turtle! Who am I to judge?" - AND IT'S??? ODDLY COMFORTING?? - He'll get the hang of it eventually! Just tell him what you're feelin' that day or if you prefer anything and he'll do his best! Just remind him if he messes up! - He'll... Kinda understand better after a month or two! Leo!! - He's also confused at first, but he's way more calm about it and understands it faster. - Leo... Compares it to something he's seen in his show- I'd imagine there's some character in there that's doesn't really follow gender! - Yeah it's not the most flattering thing to say, but he's supportive! - "Thank you for trusting me with this... I promise, I'll do my best to remember. I accept you." - He gets stuff after a week or two, he's a fast learner! - Leo isn't afraid to correct others, he definitely helps Raph remember to use your pronouns and stuff! - If you change anything about your appearance? He notices first! "Oh, hey! Your hair!" - The second worst at understanding, Raph's the last Donnie!! - Donnie understands immediately... Immediately after asking a ton of questions. - He knows what being transgender is! He knows the genderfluid label, he just wants to understand how YOU experience it! - After you open up and explain how you experience your gender and stuff, he'd open up and explain how he feels about his... He might be trans! Donnie just needs to learn more! - You can go to him about gender dysphoria if you experience it (not all trans people have dysphoria!), he's always open to help! - "Thank you for trusting me with this, (Y/n)... I'm always here for you, ok?" - If he ever builds you something? He'd paint a lil' pride flag on it for ya (if you're comfortable with that! He'd ask first!) - Donnie would slip up once or twice but he'd get the hang of things quickly! He's also not afraid to correct people, even if it's some villain they're about to fight! - "You're weak, (dead_name)-" "Uh! Actually, it's (Y/n)!" "O-Oh-... *coughcough*... You're weak, (Y/n)..." Mikey!! - You'd have to explain what it is to Mikey at first, but he'd immediately get it! - There's quite a lot of lgbt things in comics, even old ones, so he'd seen the concept before! - He'd simply ask about the stuff you prefer before looking at you like you're the most important person! - "You're so cool! I wanna be like you one day!" - He really looks up to you and he's so happy that you told him! - You're so strong! In so many ways! He knows how humans can be awful, he's experienced it before... So you've gotta be so strong to be so open about your identity! - If you're still closeted socially then don't worry! He's got your back! - Aggressively compliments you when you need it, using certain terms and all that to make you feel more valid! Which you already are! I tried my best to not force anything onto the label! People experience these things differently so I left it more vague so you guys can comfortably read! >:]

#tmnt #tmnt 2012 #2012 tmnt #tmnt headcanons #2012 tmnt headcanons #lgbt #lgbt headcanons #genderfluid #genderfluid headcanons #2012 raph #2012 leo #2012 donnie #2012 mikey #SUPPORTIVE BOYS!!

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killemwithkawaii · 2 years

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L.S.S.: Do you think you'll be able to answer a few more questions before we go to sleep? It looks like people have some things they want to say to you…

Mitch(2): .... yeah. I think I can.....

L.S.S.: No, it's okay, Meadow.... You were right- I shouldn't have kept all this from him. That might be the whole reason things turned out the way that they did... I'm sorry, Mitchie.

Mitch(2): No, it... I would never have bought that story, Sally. I mean, I thought you'd gone off the deep end when you started talking about... everything... I don't blame ya for not telling me. You were just trying to protect me, right?

L.S.S.: Yeah... but still. I'm sorry I lied to you... and I'm sorry I bit and scratched you when I was trying to stop you from leaving…

Mitch(2): Eheh... it's alright. I always liked that ya had some fight in ya! I would have probably done the same thing in your shoes.

L.S.S.: Actually, you kind of have... the sixth version of you bit me up pretty good when we first met, and now we laugh about it.

Mitch(2): Ha! See? I guess we're kind of even, then...

L.S.S.: Heh, yeah 💙

L.S.S.: That's another thing you don't have to apologize for, Meadow- I don't know what having them earlier would have done, but thanks to you, we got a look at the door-to-bed loop and the moment we got our death wounds last night.

Mitch(2): It was really freaky... like, that stuff just happened. Like [snaps his fingers]. [barely audible]... honestly, I'd have thought Sal did it to us if we didn't have video…

L.S.S.: And I probably wouldn't have blamed you…

It looked like somebody had cut the tape together, but the time mark was consistent, so I don't think anybody messed with it.... One frame, we were lying there sleeping like normal, and the next, our guts were completely out and arranged like that. Same thing with the loop- one frame, we exited, and the next, we were lying on the bed, just like that.

If I wasn't sure before, I'm definitely sure now- this is all one big fucked up glitch that I can't snap out of...

Mitch(2): …..

Mitch(2): ...Is that really what's gonna to happen to me? I'm gonna disappear after this...? Couldn't this all just be a dream, or..

L.S.S.: ... I honestly don't know. That's what happened before this... The day before you and I woke up late together, I was with the first Mitch. We'd woken up that day with the wounds we had when we'd died together, just like you and I did today, so... I think you might disappear, in a way. But you were already gone, anyway, so... I don't think you'll even realize it's happened, just like you didn't realize you were dead before.

Mitch(2): ...... I'm... I'm really scared Sal....

L.S.S.: You don't need to be afraid, but I understand why you are... No matter what happens, I'll be right here with you, okay? If you don't know you're gone, you won't know I'm gone, either.

Mitch(2): ... [sniffling] that does make me feel a little better... you promise you'll be here the whole time? No matter what?

L.S.S.: I promise. You can put me in a headlock again, if you want to...?

Mitch(2): Eheh... [sniffling] Nah.... I think I'd rather just hold your hand... or snuggle you really, really hard…

L.S.S.: Aw, that's really gay of you...

Both: [laughing]

Mitch(2): 'Jump'...?

L.S.S.: That's what I call it when I enter or leave a universe. It's a permanent thing- I get one shot in each one, and then I can never go back once I've left.

Mitch(2): Oh....

L.S.S.: Don't worry about it, its kind of complicated... er. Actually, it's not, that's pretty much it.

Mitch(2): So you can't try again or visit or nothin...?

L.S.S.: Nope. That's the deal... and that's why I haven't tried it while I've been here. If I am still somehow in the sixth Mitchs universe right now, which I think I am, then jumping would mean I could never come back. Chances are, I'm there and just glitching the fuck out right now, and if I wait it out, there's a decent chance I'll 'wake up' and be home again.

Mitch(2): .... so... you coulda just left this whole time? You're going through all this crazy shit because you think if you wait long enough, you'll end up back with... with that other version of me?

L.S.S.: Yeah... no offence, Mitchie. I would have lived a whole life with you if I could have, but... I couldn't. We were dead in that timeline... Eventually, I moved on, and I found them way, way later, and... we have something I've never had before. I don't want to risk throwing that away.

Mitch(2): .... that's.... [nodding] They must mean a lot to you... I'm... I'm happy that you moved on, Sal. I wouldn't want you to be alone because we... because we couldn't be together. I want you to be happy…

L.S.S.: I am. But I'm also really happy I got to see you again.... I miss you as much as I would miss them....

Mitch(2): .... is it bad that that makes me feel kinda good...?

L.S.S.: Pssh, no... I love you, and them, just in a little bit different way. Still do, and always will.

Mitch(2): Eheh... okay, yeah, that makes me feel really good…

Mitch(2): Ehehe, thanks, darlin'... you've been real sweet to us during this whole thing. Thanks for givin us all those supplies, especially the good eats! It's been real nice talkin with you... if we don't disappear, and this is all some crazy dream or somethin', be sure to come visit us at the diner, okay? I'll have a fresh cinnamon roll waitin for ya! Now brace yourself, these arms aren't just for haulin boxes of fries...! [hugs back]

L.S.S.: Okay, okay, let me get in on this... [joins the hug] Thanks for everything, Meadow. You're a good friend.

L.S.S.: I really, really, really hope so... and you're right. I might have been looking at this glitch all wrong... We were both feeling guilty about my feelings for their past selves. Maybe, this is what I needed to do to be able to move on and really commit myself to being with just them, for THEM... maybe that's why all this is happening...!

Mitch(2): So... wait, why were they guilty, though...?

L.S.S.: Because they don't want me to feel bad for thinking of you and the others so often... they know how happy you made me, but I think they get a little jealous sometimes...

Mitch(2): Of me? Of... themself...?

L.S.S.: Yeah, kind of...

Mitch(2): ...Well, I mean, who can blame them? I AM pretty awesome... [laughing] ... and, I gotta admit, I'm a little jealous of them, too, but... I'm also happy for them. And you. I hope it all works out, and... I hope I helped, at least a little bit....

L.S.S.: That's a very 'Mitch' thing of you to say [laughing] I'm really, really happy I got to see you again, Mitchie... I love you. I'm still going to think of you often, but now... now it won't be because I regret all the things I didn't have with you. I'll be thankful for what we did have, and I'll be thankful for all the things I have now, with them....

Mitch(2): [nodding] That sounds like a pretty good way to be...

......

I think... I think I'm ready to go to bed now. Those clean sheets are lookin real nice to cuddle in... you comin?

L.S.S.: Yeah... sounds good, Mitchie. I'm right here with you... 💙

Mitch(2): Thanks, Sally. I'm real happy you'll be with me, if this is really... it.....

Uh, sorry, would you mind giving me a hand with these? I'm still kinda... I can handle raw meat, but my own chitlins are another story...

L.S.S.: Oh, sure! Here, let me help you with those...

Mitch(2): You're the best, Sally-cake. Sweetest guy I've ever met, wouldn't want anybody else handling my delicates...~

L.S.S.: Heh. You too, Mitchie.... Now, let's wrangle these slippery suckers and get snuggly, huh?

Mitch(2): Hehe, okay. Sounds perfect...

#the staycation 🏡💙#l.s.s. answers #coworker!mitch #danu chan #meadow chan #tw death #tw unreality #tw injury #tw disembowelment #tw yandere #meet the fishers #edited

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monstas1ut2 · 3 years

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1/3 (Eren Yeager)

(๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ

Bitches is my sons, that's why I be like, "Chile"

Chile, chile, chile, chile, ch-i-i-i-chile

At the lowest volume, Nicki was spitting bars. The LED lights on the brightest red there's to come as the window was covered with black out curtains. It happened to be bright outside but who opens their curtains at 8 am in the morning..? People who are productive and that's not you.

"Don't spend hours in there, brat."

A pout came onto your face, almost sucking your teeth... it wasn't going to be long until you were finished. Nonetheless though, your father always thinks you take hours to get ready to go somewhere.

"Im not ,daddy... Ion even wear makeup no more.. so it won't take long.."

Leaning towards the mirror, and pressing the lipgloss tip against your soft lips, your thoughts came around to your father.

Levi Ackerman, he's a short male who is quite intimidating, he IS intimidating. Despite his height, he's always winning a battle, whether it's verbal or physical. Which is why you always fail to win an argument against him. This was noticeable when you moved to his house ten months ago.

Before living with Levi, you were living with Hange.

Hange co-parents with Levi, the two were never together but they kept you happy and they are both Mom and Dad to you. The two are so different though. Hange would let you skip school, get ready late, almost everything in the book. She had to stop you from getting a sugar daddy though-

Levi is strict, he doesn't want anyone or thing touching his pretty Princess. Yes you're not biologically his but he still is your father, the only one you'd ever had. He taught you things, showed you the great life. He tried to get you to speak a bit more proper but he just stopped, oddly enough, he wanted you to embrace everything you had to offer.

It was a pain learning about your background, Hange was bad at doing anything for you as well. In result of this, your hair has dreads. Watching YouTube videos was Levi's new thing when you were younger. He managed to skillfully put dreads in your hair and... now they look quite amazing. Very long and pretty on you.

That's something you embrace, those pretty dreads. Knowing that your father put them in first , is one reason as to never take them out.

"I'm done, and, Mom said stop ignorin her... she wanna have a picture of me.. since it's my last year I guess.. ion know.. but she blowin up my phone.."

A bit of a smile casting on your brown skinned face. Fiddling with the phone in your hand. Today you were wearing a Jean like skirt and a black top to go with. Your med-long nails being a mix of white and gold, it complimented the melanin of your skin.

Levi glared at his phone that was vibrating on the nearest table and he'd sighed inwardly. Hange was so excited for your last year, while Levi was not. He also hates the fact that you are now going to the same school that he works at... the only bad thing being... the men there are complete perverts and prudes.

"Tell that bratty friend of yours to do it-"

"Connie isn't a brat, he just a lil mental..."

A lot of bald guys seemed to be mental, or is that just... stereotypical to say? Eh, either way, your Connie was mental. The guy was hilarious, he always knows how to put a smile on your face. Even though you two used to be fairly seperated. You now go to his school so at least you'll have one friend to lean on.

"dad, can you at least be happy for me...? It's my last year of school, not my last year of me bein in ya house.. cuz ion know how to cook... or do adult stuff.." a sheepish smile came upon your face, just staring at your father who happened to be suppressing a smile. He eventually did not though, but... you are the only person who can make him smile..

"I know, you burned down a kitchen before.." An evil smirk cascaded on his pale face. He knew that would hit you where it hurts, considering you were now silent but squinting your eyes playfully. It definitely wasn't Levi's kitchen, it was Hange's kitchen.. she had to get it remodeled.

Honestly, Levi liked that you couldn't cook, that way, douche bag men will stay away from you and it'll prevent them from making you barefoot and pregnant in a kitchen... he overthinks okay?

(๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ

Gripping your wrist ever so tightly, the two of you were walking towards the huge school. It was more of a modern taste, probably because the school was built only 6 years ago. The scale of the school had caused your body to overheat from anxiety. So actually, Levi was pulling you towards the school, no effort needed.

Once that door was open, it was all over. The main entrance had a pretty scenery. It was pictures and everything, though something that was odd was that black people were limited, looked like-

Okay okay, you're overthinking, but this school really doesn't have black people. If they do, they are in sports... which is why there was a man constantly talking on and on about female's basketball team...

You have to admit, you are a stallion.

"She doesn't want to be on the team... Shadis... stop yelling in her face.."

A bit of a concerned smile came upon your face as you glanced towards your father. Who only gave a soft look towards you. Levi may be insensitive at times but when it comes to you being nervous.. he's there.

"Where the hell is the principle..." Levi grumbled under his breath, he was quite late for his class.. but he had to make sure you were going to be fine.. like the worried father he is.

And Like on cue, a fine.. smexy blonde man came from the back door of the front office.. oooh.

His eyebrows were thick and he had this smile on his face. Like he knew who you were, though at the same time he probably already did. This man was in pictures at home, Levi knew him personally.

Apparently this man changed your diaper when you were little too.. so.. low chance of him seeing you any different..

Principal Smith... oohhh

"Levi, I told you yesterday, she'll be fine in my hands.. I can make sure she gets to every class. I'll also make sure nobody messes with her.." Erwin hummed out, knowing these words that came from Levi last week. His voice was deep and sincere, his pretty blue eyes glancing you over.. gawd oh mighty.

"And?" Levi's eyes squinted hard, his face quite serious about the last statement that Erwin seemed to pass by... or forgotten.. Man, someone would think Levi is the principal... and not Erwin.

"I'll make sure Yeager stays away from her.."

(๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ

The bell had rung oh so suddenly, the anxiety in you causing you to need to go to the bathroom but... your ancestors had to come down.

They whispered into your ear and explained that you are the baddest bitch in the world. Nobody can take that away from you, nor can the stupid anxiety.

"This is my daughter, (Y/n)... "

The baddest bitch with anxiety...

Every single eye was on you, in front of the class... it was obvious that most were just curious about you, mixed with shocked. When they heard the other day about getting a new student, they figured that it'll be someone... like them. At the same time though.. they could get used to the.. balance of the room.

The window across the room was beaming on your brown skin and it happened to make you look like a goddess. Your lipgloss sparkling as you glanced around, a soft smile on your face. Honestly, that only happened because of the fact that.. your bald friend was waving to you..

Connie...

The other day, a deal was made... Between you and your father. Who is also now your teacher for first period.

The deal was, you clean your room spotless and you get to sit next to Connie in class. Guess who succeeded?...

Your arms wrapped around male as he was blushing a tad. Being almost manhandled by you was everyone's dream at the moment. Especially a male who was behind you and Connie's table. He had this cool haircut, his face was long too but it fit his features.

"Why is she hugging the egg..."

"Jean you're just jealous.." the person who said this happened to be playing with their pencil. She had black hair and.. freckles.. it was cute. She looked mean though.

"Okay and..?"

Connie then began to of course, show off his best friend.. who happened to be you. Apparently what happened was that he told everyone about you one day. Nobody believed him, and Jean being the asshole he is.., he wanted answers so he -reluctantly- asked Levi if he had a daughter...

They weren't expecting someone like you...

Nor was.. this brown haired male who had his eye on you ever since you came in. His intimidating... blue, greenish looking eyes.. it's not something you failed to realize... but at the same time, you could feel your father's eyes as well.

"That's Eren over there, by Armin and Mikasa... he's a little coo-coo... so just talk to Armin and Mikasa.. then that's Bert , Annie, and Reiner, and Ymir, Jean, Sasha is the one eating and Historia.."

Honestly, you were never one to listen to someone when they say don't do something... Connie said don't talk to Eren... but some how... with the fluttering of your eyelashes.. you gave the long haired boy a wink. The wink sending him a burst of confidence that he already had..

it just got worse..

(๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ Masterlist 2

#black reader #poc reader #eren x black reader #three part #aot imagines #aot x black reader

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venteamocha · 4 years

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Hello! Sometimes I see you post stuff from IF blogs and I've recently started playing some IF games, which I've enjoyed so far. Do you have any IF stories you'd recommend in particular? I'm not attached to any particular genre and I don't need romance or a self-insert main character, (though I'm not opposed to either). Though, it's a definite plus if it's LGBTQ+ inclusive! I'm not really sure what the "cornerstones" are of IF so I'll take any and all recommendations haha

Oh god, I play so many IFs. So many. And it’s not even close to all of them, but I’m trying!!

Tbh IFs without romance seems to be very rare, I think because when I think IF I think Choice of Games, and those pretty much always have romance in them. At least, the most well known ones do. But a well done one without romance would be nice too!

Okay, this is a list of my favourites! They’re all LGBT+ inclusive, and most have gender selectable love interests, or at least ones that change gender depending on the gender and sexuality combination you pick. In no particular order, of course. Behind a cut because I’m gonna give them each a mini review. Because I haven’t done that yet.

(There are so many.)

Mind Blind: I absolutely love our big brother Nick, I love how witty and sharp so much of the dialogue is, I love how the MC clearly has a rather large handicap, but is still such an important person to so many people and not looked down on in the slightest. And when they are, we all know it’s because that person is a jerk! They’re not defined by what they aren’t, but what they are, and that’s a great message.

Shepherds of Haven: Part of why I love this one so much is I just love fantasy settings and this one just pulls it off so well. The cast is full of amazing characters, and I gotta say I die inside pretty regularly for not being able to afford the patreon content, lol. The author puts so much amazing stuff on there, and gives us so much great content in the game and through answers on tumblr, and you can tell this whole thing is just the best thing ever to them, and that makes it the best ever for us readers too!

The Wayhaven Chronicles: I’d be shot if I didn’t mention this one, the series that literally killed dashingdon when the book 3 demo dropped!! Again, another author that cares a lot and does their best to do right by their fans. We’ve been given drip after drip of these amazing characters backstories, and I just cannot wait for more! It’s definitely very romance centered, but the overall plotlines are also very good, and I have to say that no matter who I romance, I just feel like the group as a whole is a family. And that’s wonderful.

Speaker: I really like the lore. I really like the lore. I can’t wait until we get more of the overall plotline. Mostly I want my Speaker to get in deep trouble so Seb, Li and Seer (best sister ever) go off and beat the shit out of whatever is causing it. This probably says something about me, but what can I say, I thrive on angst and inflicting near death injuries on my OCs. Sometimes I even kill them, although all of this is offtopic. Or is it? I guess we’ll find out, although I doubt we’ll actually be able to kill off Speaker. And yes, I am definitely playing the Seb & Li poly route. I love them both so much.

Wilhelmina: I love vampires, ok? Ok? And this one is based off Dracula!! The OG!! And you can choose Drac’s gender!! Shit, sign me up forever!! Yeah, she might be literally killing my bff, torturing my fiancé and low key fucking with my mind, but vampires are hot!! Let me live! Or not. But yeah, this is a really well done retelling of the Dracula novel and I like how well it works as an IF. Did I mention I like vampires?? Especially when they get all monstery?? (This one has an MC with a set gender, as it’s based on an already existing literary figure. Mina can have a same sex relationship with dracula, if you make drac a female, or with Lucy, a female love interest.)

More Things in Heaven and Earth: Hi Nell!! First off, I gotta uncover a deep shame of mine. My family literally has a Shakespeare heirloom collection. As in, my greatgrandfather passed down through the family a collection of Shakespeare that was published in 1911. In ye olde englishe. I tried to read it when I was like 10 and was like what language is this?? What the fuck? What the fuck??? And ended up reading As You Like It, a bit of Romeo and Juliet, and a little of Hamlet. Didn’t touch the rest of it. I only got into the other stories through trashy ya reimaginings. That said, this retelling of Hamlet inspired me to go read the whole of the original and now I have a lot of fears for these characters that I’m so much more attached to, oh god I hope my Ophelia has a happy ending. I hope Hamlet himself has a happy ending. The dialogue is so well done, everyone is engaging, and yeah it made me finish an old af book when nothing else did. (This one also has an MC with a set gender, female, for the same reason. However, there are two gender variable love interests, so you can very much play a bi or gay Ophelia if you so choose.)

Guenevere: I love King Arthur. All the myths. I have so many books based on the King Arthur mythos, oh dear god. I love pretty much every version of it. All the movie and tv shows too! I just can’t get enough of those knights. I could go on for paragraphs about how courtly love worked and how all the different social castes were, but I’ll try not to. This series lets you customize Guen as a character to an amazing degree, considering that she’s also based on an actual literary figure like the other two I mentioned above. It really feels like she becomes your own character, and yet she still exists within this world very very well. I worry quite a bit that the author might have bit off more than they can chew with the current book they’re working on, what I’ve seen of it looks absolutely massive in scale. What is out so far is a wonderful read though, full of drama and laughter and lots of chances to make the story your own.

Bastard of Camelot: Yep! Another King Arthur series! Sue me! This one lets you set Mordred’s gender though, so it’s more inclusive in that way. It is very interesting to play as one of the “bad guys” of the King Arthur mythos. You can play them as straight up evil, as good, or you know, a bit of column a and a bit of column b. Or they can just be a rude little shit. It’s got dragons too! You get a dragon pet! Dragons are cool. It can be a bit tough to play sometimes, since a lot of people dislike Mordred quite a lot because of prejudices. Hopefully this will change a bit later in the series if you’ve been a fairly good person up to that point. Gotta say though, as a warning, that Mordred is a product of incest. It’s not glossed over, and it does cause a lot of problems for them in the story.

God of the Red Mountain: I just love that this inspired me to read more chinese mythology tbh. There is just so much here! And it’s just such a good read. I wish I was better at describing things. The MC being a spirit that you can define, the whole setting, most of the love interests also being spirits, the massive amount of history and culture and lore, how it all fits together. It is such a well done story. I really wish it got more attention than it does. I still miss Big Sister. I still can’t wait to find out more about the foxes, and how we can heal our MC.

The Nameless: Another one that lets you play as something otherworldly. I love the lore behind this one, and I love all of the cast I’ve met. I kind of like that our MC isn’t loved right off the bat, that we’ll have to win over all of our love interests and even the other npcs. I’m up for the challenge! Everything I’ve read on the tumblr for these characters just makes me love them all more tbh. I love how much they’ve written for all of them! Most of all though, I love Oisein. All the art of them is just *chef kiss* and their personality is magical.

A Mage Reborn: This is a really recent one but!! Wow, it’s really well done! That cliffhanger!! Oof!! Not many books literally start with killing your MC off! That takes guts! I told the author this already, but I love the way they formatted this, the way it starts with the end, so to speak, and then fills it all out. It just made everything feel so poignant, how MC is literally looking back at all these moments in time in the last minutes they have before they die. Shit. That’s powerful. And there’s gonna be more??? Can’t wait for that angst. Give me that drama. Of course I picked the one who had me killed, that’s just how I am!

These are all just the COG type games, there are a few twine games with graphics I’d throw on here, but the list is long enough as it is and they feel like they’re in a different category to me. Maybe it’s just me?

#if #if recs #rivi's recs #interactive fiction #there are more than these that i like too!#these are just the ones i feel the strongest about #and as i said these don't include the itchio twine ones #there are amazing ones there too but that feels like it should be a separate post?#i'd put links but i think it won't show up anywhere if i do #because tumblr is A Site #i can pass them on though if needed

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whats-rambled-rambled · 3 years

Text

Long Nights - playlist

You can find it on Spotify here.

Eddie Vedder - Long nights

I’ve already talked about it in another post a bit, so--

For the first time, I had a full series figured out even before I started writing. All the arcs, main plot points, even the final conversation! I even had a 3h long playlist with all the songs that would come in handy along the way, but still, none of them was the one (so basically same thing that happened with Smoke series)

I started thinking about the main theme and/or drive for our new Reader, and then it hit me. There already is a story with that vibe, and it has such an amazing soundtrack.

So I opened Spotify and browsed through the album.

And I found it.

The overall mood was not something that was going to be helpful at the beginning of the series, but oh my, those lyrics were it for all the things I had planned.

//Have no fear

For when I'm alone

I'll be better off than I was before//

That’s R, all right. Not afraid to be alone, she prefers it. Nothing can hurt her, unlike when she gets too invested. Commitment issues and whatnot.

//Long nights allow me to feel...

I'm falling...I am falling

The lights go out

Let me feel

I'm falling

I am falling safely to the ground//

Knowing what I was about to put R through, this looks only fitting, don’t you think?

Chapter 1: Sigrid - Don’t kill my vibe

I could see LN!R so clearly. I wanted to explore some of my favourite rogue tropes, and she was perfect for it. In my head, she was definitely younger than the other two from my previous series. A bold type, a joker, but serious when it comes to her craft. Not with the same heavy emotional baggage (not at the start, at least - I felt like, opposed to Smoke!R who was more about distracting herself when she felt too much, our new R would be more about denial, or hiding her issues behind her jokes).

I found this song on some random playlist, and I knew it was her.

//You shut me down, you like the control

You speak to me like I'm a child

Try to hold it down, I know the answer

I can shake it off and you feel threatened by me

I tried to play it nice but

Oh-oh-oh, ooh, ooh

Don't kill my vibe

Oh-oh-oh, ooh, ooh

Don't break my stride//

To me, that was that moment she gets dragged into the car. Not having the obvious lies TP feeds her, definitely finding them all and the stuff they throw at her hilarious, calling them out on their bullshit without thinking twice over it.

//Guess you're surprised I'm the puzzle you can't figure out//

That got me an idea for part 2 and the coffee situation - come on, you know I can’t resist that trope when it comes to Neil, I think it’s an excellent way to get to know the characters a little bit and tell something more about the dynamic.

Tom Grennan - I might

To me, it’s another character introduction song.

//Oh I love, oh I love, love my freedom//

....you already know what I’m getting at, right?

//Don't want no one taking up my time

Staying on my mind, changing up my life

Don't want no one messing up my bed

Fucking with my head, it's no lie//

That’s her. R hates to be manipulated, that’s why she’s mad at Mahir. I didn’t want to put all the angst here, but I knew there was something deeper hidden there, after his comment about her trust issues. I didn’t know what exactly, but I knew it would come in handy later.

There was one spin on the story I was playing with - where she actually lets them all lead her on for a while, a whole elaborate ruse to get her invested and onboard, but that was a lot of drama quite early on, and I wanted this to be a lighter series (oh shush, I am well aware how that played out in the end, I tried, alright? Not my fault I apparently can’t come up with a story without sprinkling it with a shitload of angst)

//But when you look at me like that

I might//

See, this is when I stopped. I didn’t think R would be falling head over heels for Neil right from the start. That’s why the heart beating faster at the end of the chapter was supposed to be about the lock and something finally sparking her curiosity, taking her out of the boredom of everyday life.

Kings of Leon - Find me

That’s more chapter-specific.

//I really wanna know your name

See your face, know who you are, who you are

How did ya find me, how did ya find me?

What are you looking for, are you looking for

How did ya find me how did ya find me

Up in the shadow, picking up my load//

I found it quite fitting the moment R meets Neil again and he drags her to a back alley, and then again, in the car. She isn’t scared, more like fascinated, she finds the whole thing exciting, even.

American Authors - I’m born to run

Oh my god, the vibe of this song! This is that need for freedom and carelessness I needed to tap into.

//I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young

Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run

I'm gonna spend my time like tomorrow won't come

Do whatever I want like I'm born to run

I wanna see Paris, I wanna see Tokyo

I wanna be careless even if I break my bones

I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young

Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run

All these things I've seen and done

I live my life like I'm born to run//

The Pretty Reckless - Prisoner

Another random song I found one day while I was cooking breakfast. I was like “oooh, I dig that!” and then I listened to the lyrics and I knew I needed it for this story.

//You could have my body

But you can't have me

I know I'm a criminal

Don't you tell on me//

That’s it. Her. I knew that would be handy for the moment Neil breaks after all the teasing. And that criminal bit. I mean - come on!

Missy Elliot - Work it

(This is technically part 2 but it was messing with the flow on the playlist and I’m leaving it here)

Okay, this is quite meta and corny, because this is probably one of the oldest jokes you can find for Tenet, and I’ve been battling with myself if I should even put it here, but I referenced it in the chapter, so here we are. I’ve loved this song for years, and when I was trying to think what would R listen to while she tries to clear her head while she works on the bloody inverted lock - that was the only thing that seemed appropriate.

//Come on

Is it worth it? Let me work it

I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it

Ti esrever dna ti pilf nwod gnaht ym tup i//

...you see what I mean?

Chapter 2: Praise you

God, okay, this song - when I heard it while I was working on the story, it brought a movie-like montage of scenes in front of my eyes. You know the type, when they try to show you how the time passes, how someone progressively becomes better at something. That was Neil, working on those locks. R giving him tips, then teasing him. The way he loses his cool, only to slowly gain confidence, and then how she ups her game, both of them getting their bits of satisfaction from the whole game.

//We've come a long long way together

Through the hard times and the good

I have to celebrate you baby

I have to praise you like I should//

Have I ever told you when exactly I got the idea for the series? When I was writing that hostage situation fic and the moment R remembers her lockpicking sessions. I thought - what if it was the other way around? What if that was Neil who was about to start learning about picking locks?

It had so much potential for ✨hand content✨ and how could I resist?

...And I knew that R would see what I’m seeing, and she would rather like it. And the image of a very flustered Neil while she teases the hell out of him? Yep, yep, yep.

Sam Fender - Start again

This one definitely starts that montage as well, the repetition of going over and over again. Even if the whole song is definitely heavier than I needed, I decided to keep it, mostly for this part:

//Let's start again

Let's learn to talk

Without the fear of being heard

'Cause everybody's listening to everything and everybody

Let's pull the cord

Move below

Let's start again//

Chapter 3: Billy Raffoul - Difficult

Ah, Billy. And when I found this one, I got goosebumps, because I instantly knew that if I had to choose one song for them, it would probably be this one.

//You never get lost in love, you only get lost in me

You never can get enough of whatever you think you need

No matter how hard I try I never can beat this rush

Ain't nobody get me high, feel lighter when we touch//

This fits them so well, innit? We know how R feels about this whole love thing, she enjoys a good shag, and I had a feeling that after such a build-up, that night together would be something quite amazing, for both of them.

//We never get lost in love, we only get lost in sheets

You'd rather just shut me off whenever we get too deep//

That’s the moment when they have a vibe check in the morning. They had fun. Is it gonna affect their dynamic? They’re attracted to each other, they understand one another. Can they keep it casual? We know that R can, or at least she thinks so, but what about Neil? We know he’s a soft idiot, but I specifically imagined a bit younger version of him for this story - he had to be, if he was just learning about lockpicking. So the whole “no dating, just sex” could be fine with him for a while, but would he catch feelings anyway? Probably, yeah. And sooner than later.

//And now I'm standing in the rain

And your hair, it's falling in your face

And I know we're doing the right thing//

Not the rain, but shower, kinda works too, right? And I already knew that the rain would be a pretty important factor a little bit further into the story.

//But I can't help wondering, who will take my place?//

Ouch.

//On and off, difficult

Too in love to let it go

Now, who's gonna hold me like you do?//

The emotions in this bit, dear lord. It’s this high that takes your breath away, sweeps you off your feet, scorches the reality, and leaves no survivors.

That being said, I don’t think they are really in love at this point. They really care for each other, though, that’s where the softness comes from.

//Hmm who's gonna hold you like I do?//

I literally gasped when I heard that last line. Hits right in the heart, just as I like it.

Rhys Lewis - Waking up without you

There’s something in this song that makes it incredibly sexy. It was great for the morning after vibe, where they don’t really have enough of each other yet.

//Skin on skin

We didn't finish what we started

Heart to heart

I'm missing your love//

Keir - Probably

The way it flows? How powerful the chorus is? It’s heavy, hot, and just makes my heart beat faster.

//Colliding were the walls

And I forget where I began

I wish I could remember love//

Holy fuck. It always makes me think of something awakening deep inside R, definitely not ready to be acknowledged at that moment in the story.

//Probably underneath

There's a remedy

Possibly in the air

In the oxygen I breathe

Probably//

And this part is just mind-blowing. There’s this longing there, and if that feeling isn’t perfect for something more steamy, then I don’t know what is.

Dermot Kennedy - Glory

This one just… expands my heart? I don’t know how else to explain it. Especially the chorus. And then when I think of it in the context of the story, I somehow place it in TP’s office, when Neil gets all protective and doesn’t want to risk taking Reader on a mission where something can so easily go wrong, only because he isn’t prepared enough.

//A set of eyes had pinned him

Became his version of a kingdom

She's everything the devil can't be

When she's singing to me "Glory"//

Maybe that’s when he starts to realize that he cares more than he thought.

Rhys Lewis - Living in The City

If the previous song was Neil’s perspective, we’re back to R. Just look at the lyrics:

//I've been living in the city too long

I've been given everything that I've got

Been a sinner and a saint

Crazy, and sane

I've been living in the city too long//

We’re kinda circling back to part 1, that need to skip town, right?

//There's a part of my soul that wants to let go

Wants to just run away

But the rest of my soul says I should stay

I should stay//

And now we’re back when she can say that the mission is not her problem, she did the best she could, and TP can go fuck himself. Is it just that she feels responsible for her student? Or she likes him enough so she has to make sure he succeeds and comes back? Or she sees a friend in need, something to open, and doesn’t think twice about it?

Chapter 4: Bastille - World gone mad

God, do I love this song.

//So this is where we are

It's not where we had wanted to be

If half the world's gone mad

The other half just don't care, you see

You don't want to fuck with us

British to the very last

When it feels like the world's gone mad

And there's nothing you can do about it

No there's nothing you can do about it//

It felt so accurate for the part when R gets to see all that inverted reality? There’s a slight heaviness of heart there, and it matches the mood when she feels overwhelmed. On the other hand, there’s a bit of hope, the feeling of not being alone in this mad world, and that’s all that matters.

Who’s Molly - Touch the sky

Badass. Pure and simple. It hypes you up, brings a smile to your face, makes you believe everything is possible.

//We can never see beyond that horizon.

And no one knows this road and where it's going to lead.

But there's one thing, one thing that's for certain.

We'll make it through.

If you were here with me.//

That softer bit with inverted guns. And later on, throughout the chapter. They both find comfort in each other’s presence on the mission, after all.

//I wasted so much time trying to find a meaning.

I never looked up, couldn't seem to turn around.

And then you crashed in, and you gave my life a reason.

You pick me up, so high and my feet won't touch the ground, no no no.

Never would have thought I could win this battle.

I was left for dead, every hope in tatters.

We're going to set the world alight tonight.

Cause we can touch the sky!//

That’s the excitement and fun they’re having on the training grounds, not at all stressed about what’s to come.

//Close your eyes, free your soul.

You feel it, don't try it, then you’ll never know.//

Ah, and we’re here at my favourite reference to feeling something, thank you Mr Nolan, sir, so useful.😌

Dermot Kennedy - Young & free

Another one by Dermot Kennedy, and definitely not the last.

//All that she said to me stays with me, never to die

Held me brand new in the silence that went through the pines

Like I said already darling, I don't want you looking back at all the ghosts left behind

Know you'll stay near me so road remains hopeful this time

We were young

We were free, come on now, let it go//

The little whiplash in the mud, where they share a short moment, before they follow with the crackheadery, maybe partly to push back from coming close to something more meaningful. Because it’s there already, kindling, waiting to be spotted and recognized.

James Gillespie - Don’t let me get me

Okay, so - the original song by P!nk was always something that resonated with me, so when Spotify recommended that one, I was like “okay, I’m not sure why but let’s try it.” And then it brought me to that scene in the container.

//I'm a hazard to myself

Don't let me get me

I'm my own worst enemy

It's bad when you annoy yourself

So irritating//

To be honest, I didn’t plan on R to have such a strong case of a mean brain. It was supposed to be a lighter series 🙃. But as you already know, those characters have minds of their own, and it kinda sorta happened. I knew it would be more of a simple panic than full-blown panic attacks that haunted StuckIn!R, topped with pretty loud intrusive thoughts causing her to spiral, especially when she was exhausted.

Ruelle - Oh my my

Listen to that one and tell me you don’t want to go on a sneaky mission, I dare you. I even had it noted as my title song, but then I switched to Bastille.

//I can feel it in my bones, in my bones

Hear it rumble like a drum, like a drum

Like a vapor in the wind, in the wind

You never see us creeping in, creeping in

Oh my my, oh my my

You never stood a chance

...

Ready or not, here we come//

The vibe is just amazing. The low-key hype? Is that a thing? It must be. And those drums! Even quite fitting for a patter of rain, one might argue.

Speaking of rain--

Chapter 5: Dermot Kennedy - After rain

The title alone is perfect for this chapter, but the rest of it - my poor heart. This chapter and the finale have some of the most beautiful and/or heart-wrenching songs I’ve ever heard, and this one is definitely one of them.

//But it's alright because

You cause lanterns to light

And force demons disperse

And if Lucifer may fear the swift drying of tears

Then, for evil, you could not be worse

But I see you now, yeah, I see you

And release me now, kinda like dreams do

And I see you now, was hard to see you

Just don't forget to sing

Remember everything//

So we have Neil storming off from the bathroom because he’s clearly going through something. The immense guilt brewing inside him, overflowing and backfiring, when he can’t cope with seeing her so battered, knowing that she may never fully recover, and just because he hesitated out there. The fear is there, but also other feelings he tries to keep in check now.

I had that image of R asking him to stay, then just breaking down in the darkness. I was aware it would only add to the issues Neil already had, but it would be nothing compared to the fact that she needs him, and he’d be ready to push everything that bothered him away to comfort her.

Humming a lullaby that he promised her in the container. And R recognized it (kind of), because he used parts of it to plead with her to stay with him after the fall, so she could one day hear the whole thing, because she took that rain check and she needed to cash it in, right?

...yeah, I like breaking my own heart, why? (should I write that part one day?)

//If you think just maybe it's her

Then promise me, young man, you're gonna let her know

You won't go lonely, yeah

It'll all be better in the morning

'Cause while you sleep, I'll build a wall//

Aquillo - Six feet over ground

Whenever I hear this song now, my mind goes to that scene in the bathroom.

//Today's the day I found myself alright

When I look ahead, pretend it never came.

I found a way to keep my head above

But the hardest part is to say 'No it's not'

Well I'm okay, and I'm still breathing

I'm still six feet over ground

But you don't need to know now

You don't need to know how I'm doing//

They both hide how they really feel. That they are not okay. They’re both scared, blaming themselves. Reader doesn’t want to worry Neil too much, but she also tries to convince herself that she is fine. And a moment of peace they share shatters as soon as she downplays what happened aloud, and when Neil goes off, she hides behind yet another joke, and then behind a blindfold.

Aquilo - Silhouette

The one for when R tells Neil goodnight and then can’t fall asleep. //Devil's on your shoulder

Strangers in your head

As if you don't remember

As if you can forget

It's only been a moment

It's only been a lifetime

But tonight you're a stranger

Some silhouette //

When he comes to check in on her, and something feels off. She’s lost, yet finds enough strength to ask him to stay.

//Just hold me//

Nathan Ball - Drifting

//I can see in your eyes

When you lie awake at night

You convince yourself you're fine, it's alright

To keep on drifting

With the drugs keeping you high

They catch you falling from the sky

I keep asking myself why

You stand by

And keep on drifting

…

So tell me what you hold inside

Tell the backstreets of your mind

You're still lonely as a child

Teary eyed

Kept on drifting//

Knowing our Reader a bit longer by now, I knew what would happen if she was to be left alone with her thoughts, in pain, and with Neil being weirdly distant.

Have you ever lied in bed, crying silently, trying not to wake up the person next to you but getting absolutely torn apart by the sadness roaring inside you? It’s a different kind of loneliness, not helping in the slightest when you’re biting back sobs. Anyway,--

//So take my hand and hold on

Take my hand don't let go//

That’s something that happened almost organically with these two. Part of their language, hand touches as a sign of support.

I gotta admit, I watched Shadow and Bone already being in the middle of writing the series and seeing how overused the hand-holding flashback was... it there made me slightly cringe every time it came up in the story I was writing later on. On the other hand (hah), it was so them. It had to stay.

Dean Lewis - Need you now - Acoustic

//Cold light wakes me in the morning,

Your side is empty I was calling out to you,

I was calling out to you.//

That’s the next day after R’s breakdown, but check out the next lyrics.

//But I don't need your love,

I just need your

Talking next to me when I wake up, wake up

Talking next to me when I wake up next to you,

When I'm hungover too.

Cause you're the only one who comes when I'm lonely,

You're the only one who comes when I'm lonely for you,

When I'm lonely for you.

All that I need is a sweet escape,

And all that I need is a sweet escape.

...

Cause I don't need your love

But I just need you now

And I don't need your love

I just need you now//

This, y’all, is R, still convinced that it’s not about love, and it’s so perfectly put into words, but the music and the vocals are dripping with longing, making it even more spot-on for the occasion.

RHODES - Breathe

The emotions captured in this… holy shit. They clench my chest and make me struggle for breath. This could have been a song playing in the background when R wakes up from a nap to Neil having a breakdown of his own.

//Mind break in two,

There's a light in the sky, there's a light

And it's all for you

Dawn colors all

Tell me how do you feel?

Tell me how do you need to heal?//

Looking for his hand, only to find a clenched fist. And when she realizes he’s been crying and she hears how broken he is, that’s enough to make her heart shatter, doubly so because he’s agonizing over something she feels responsible for.

//Breathe, release it all

Come on now, I'll keep you warm

Come on!

Breathe, release it all

Come on now, I need your love

Come on now!//

To me, every “come on”, repeated with urgency, is how desperate she is to make him stop spiraling down when she kisses him, and then again, more purposefully, until he gives in and comes back to her.

Circa Waves - Fire that burns - Acoustic

The one for ✨the moment✨.

//Comfort me, oh comfort me

I'm lighting up

To see the day you run for me

You run for me, my love//

Because they both seek comfort in the act, two broken people mending whole in each other’s embrace. Ultimately, finding there something more, whether they are ready to acknowledge it or not.

//But I've been tied up

For days

And I've been thinking of the things that you say

And I've been wound up

Each way

I need to let you know, to let you know today//

Neil already knows how important she is to him. And that’s what he tries to say between the choked-out words, that he thought he’d lost his chance to tell her how much she means to him.

//You call me a liar

You call me so innocent

But you lit the fire

You lit the fire that burns

The fire that burns inside us

I'm not innocent

I lit the fire, the fire, the fire

I lit the fire//

Oh yes, that bit definitely seeped into the chapter.

The XCERTS - Feels like falling in love - alternative version

//Keep yourself safe, keep yourself safe she said

You broke your own heart but there's no need to lose your head

Keep yourself sane, keep yourself sane he said

You gotta give up, give up, give up the dark

To start again//

You can see it, right?

Outlining the whole story, I knew that part 5 would be the part when they fall in love, or realize that they already might be.

//And it feels like falling in, falling in love

Yeah it feels like falling in, falling in, falling in love

Could save me tonight//

The 1975 - Fallingforyou

//According to your heart

My place is not deliberate

Feeling of your arms

I don't want to be your friend, I want to kiss your neck

Don't you see me I

I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you

And don't you need me I

I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you

On this night, and in this light

I think I'm falling (I think I'm falling), I'm falling for you

And maybe you, change your mind//

They’re so vulnerable there. Everything Neil pours into the act sweeps R off her feet and she opens up and to let him feel the extent of how much she cares for him, unaware that it might be shifting into something from the territory she promised herself not to venture into. Because that’s not important then. Nothing else is. Just them. So simple.

Adam French - Weightless

The light and softness in this song remind me of another Weightless I used for the finale of the Smoke series.

That’s the moment after. Softness. Closeness. Bliss.

//I told ya that you were the only weight on my shoulders

You see you're gonna make it alright

How you're gonna make it alright

When you're gonna make it alright, alright, alright

You say your body will

Hold me in the night

...

Only you can make me weightless

...

Closer is all I ever wanted to be

There for ya so you can be confiding in me

There to break the fall

Here for everybody to see

Weightless after all//

Chapter 6: Declan J Donovan - Perfectly imperfect

I had the moment they fall in love. I knew how it was gonna end, the conversation with Mahir and how it goes from there. I thought that we need some calm before the storm that was bound to happen, and what’s better than a little domestic fluff? A time when they can see each other in a different setting, get to know one another even better. Fall even harder.

And my god, this song.

//You live like you're a secret

One that only I could know

'Cause I said

You know what I want and

I know who you are

I know when I hold you and love you

You'll get up and go before you fall apart//

...that last line hits different when you know what’s gonna happen later, right?

//I'll bring you every colour that I find

In your eyes

You wake me up

And it breaks my heart

That you're perfectly imperfect

You're hurting but you're worth it

You don't know why

I would waste my time

But I'm falling and I mean it

I want you like I need it

There's nothing you could try to change my mind

'Cause I'm in love

So call me when you want me and I'll come running

Find me waiting at your door

So tell me if you're lonely and it won't last long

'Cause I'm in love with you (you)//

That light when the song gets to the part about being in love -- there’s so much tenderness there, and it resonated with the story so much. And the perfectly imperfect line, so so good.

Bastille - Survivin’

The way the song swings and the hopeful vibe is just what I needed for this chapter.

//And I'm not gonna lie

Say I've been alright

'Cause it feels like I've been living upside down

What can I say? I'm survivin'

Crawling out these sheets to see another day

What can I say? I'm survivin'

And I'm gonna be fine

I'm gonna be fine

I think I'll be fine//

As much as Reader didn’t want Neil to be there with her for so long, she really enjoys his company, making the boring and still rather painful recovery period easier.

Ella Henderson, Tom Grennan - Let’s go home together - stripped

Ha, this one! The humour when they tease other words always brings a smile to my face. That playfulness just fits our duo’s dynamic so well.

//Maybe you'll like me the way I am//

Crazy concept, right? And with Neil learning to spot the times when she hides behind a joke, and still being there--

//Feels like I know you so well

You could be everything that I've been missing

I'm coming out of my shell

And I never do that

How did you do that?

It's like I've known you my whole life//

That’s exactly how she feels like. She intently doesn’t think about it though, because if she starts overthinking it… we know what happens. She’s allowing herself to be in the moment, however. And happy.

//You seem like someone I could be myself with, no defenses

Maybe you like me the way I am//

That brings me to all Neil’s animated rants, and how much he appreciates that she always listens. He feels accepted, and I don’t know, it melts my heart a little.

//Baby, I'm in love//

🙃

INXS - Need you tonight

I know I used a cover of this song for another playlist, but the vibe was so different, and you just have to bear with me. It’s one of those songs that sparks the ideas and images, and usually, they involve Neil being a tease and having way too much fun. And as I was plotting the chapter, I thought of R missing out on his shenanigans, and how he could make her see what he was doing, and 😳 oh my. I knew the imagination would run wild. (That definitely might have something to do with a certain scene from a certain movie and a conversation I had with M about how Neil would handle it)

//So slide over here and give me a moment

Your moves are so raw, I've got to let you know

I've got to let you know

You're one of my kind

I need you tonight

'Cause I'm not sleepin'

There's somethin' about you, girl

That makes me sweat//

That’s one sexy song, don’t judge me.

Dermot Kennedy - Days like this

Oh, would you look at that, it’s Dermot again! This one is for that scene on the balcony.

That quiet contentment, like everything fell in its place and life is alright.

//When it's not always raining, there'll be days like this

When there's no one complaining, there'll be days like this

When everything falls into place, like the flick of a switch

Oh my mama told me, there'll be days like this

When you don't need to worry, there'll be days like this

When no one's in a hurry, there'll be days like this

When you don't get betrayed by that old Judas kiss

Oh my mama told me, there'll be days like this//

They’re in the moment, comfortable in the relationship that blooms between them. More casual and laid-back throughout the day only to get more soft and intimate in the evenings, when the inner demons’ voices grow louder.

James Bay - Chew on my heart - acoustic

The way the chorus explodes? It makes me beam widely and my heart is about to burst.

//Take your time

I'll be right here

I know no one could ever love me better

Take all night

You're the truth that

Is breaking me and keeping me together

Together

I wanna be in your touch

Sleep is so tough

You're burning up my mind

What would it feel like if you tore me apart?

Come on chew on my heart

...

I'm on fire

I'm a hot mess

I'm thinking things that I might start regretting

So hear me out

I need you now

I'm spiraling

I'm sinking down

Look for me I'm sending up a message

A message//

I think it weirdly fits those times at night when Neil checks the bruises. When their minds wander to that first evening, and they still feel bad about how it ended up, the closeness brings them back to the present and grounds them.

Picture This - Unconditional

This one just makes my heart sing.

//This magic, I don't know what it is but we have it

Even when we're sleepless and damaged

I don't doubt it

We're holding on//

That’s exactly it.

//Baby I wish we could take this feeling

And put it away somewhere safe

'Til we need it

Unconditional

I'm so afraid of losing your love//

They don’t need big words. But they feel it, all right. Whether they are aware of it or not. And they are afraid of losing each other, now that they know how easily that could happen.

//Shivers running down my back with your fingers

The smell of your perfume it lingers

And whispers

What I want you to say

Under your skin, underdressed under covers

We bring out the best in each other

Two lovers finding our way//

The kiss, the touch, the skin on skin contact - some of the most powerful reminders that, for now, they’re safe.

BANNERS - Start a riot

But it’s not always about going all the way, because sometimes you just need to be held. And this song just speaks to me of all that tenderness, all the feelings clenching the heart so much they’re unable to say a word, just want to keep each other as close as they can. Just to make sure they’re really there.

//I will march down an empty street like a ship into the storm

No surrender, no retreat

I will tear down every wall

Just to keep you warm

Just to bring you home

I will burn this city down for a diamond in the dust

I will keep you safe and sound when there's no one left to trust

Will you take my hand?

We can make our stand

If your world falls apart

I'd start a riot

If night falls in your heart

I'd light the fire

In the dark, when you sound the alarm

We'll find each other's arms

For your love, all you are

I'd start a riot//

The lyrics are so beautiful, and there’s so much longing there, and the promise to protect each other, to be there for each other, to face whatever life might throw their way together.

Yeah, it makes me emotional, I absolutely love it. Speaking of emotional--

Chapter 7: Stone Sour - Wicked game - acoustic, live

When Spotify recommended this one to me, I almost skipped it. I’ve heard it a million times in different versions and I thought that there’s nothing to be found there. Oh, was I wrong.

I knew what was going to happen in the chapter - Mahir is about to confront R, surprised by what he sees. And he can clearly recognize that they’re idiots in love, even if they’re trying to lay low in the company. He knows what happened to R, why she’s so cautious and reluctant when it comes to any relationships that are more than simple hookups.

//The world was on fire and no one could save me but you

It's strange what desire will make foolish people do

And I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you

And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you//

Because that’s how it started, right? With desire. One could argue that our duo had solid banter before that, respect and understanding, all those things, sure. But ultimately, that was all that sexual tension, sparked by the playful teasing, that pushed them into each other’s arms in the first place.

//No, I don't want to fall in love

With you, with you

What a wicked game to play, to make me feel this way

What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you//

And when Reader finally lets the thought in and it dawns on her that she is, in fact, in love - she goes into full panic. Not because she feels it’s unrequited, god, she’s not stupid, nor blind (too soon?). But she’s mad at herself that she allowed this to happen. She’s afraid that she’ll get hurt, and to avoid that, she has to run away. And that’s gonna hurt Neil as well, and she can’t stand that, hates herself for that, but she’s so scared that she can’t think of any other solution.

Before we get to that, however, there’s a bit more softness to be shared.

Lewis Watson - Little light

//And all this shade is, illuminating

And all those love lines, are taking shape

And all my worries, disintegrating

And I've been waiting, I've been waiting

And all my days were young and wasted

When I was waiting, oh for you

And all the plans that I've been chasing are always fading

But ever since I found you

A little light is breaking through//

Gotta admit, I had this one hidden in the playlists of other chapters, because it captures that feeling when your chest is filled with light and you’re simply happy. It ended up here, because it’s this feeling when R is melting a little inside when she looks at Neil, when she’s in his arms. And how Neil feels, too.

X Ambassadors - Renegades

Funny, I had this song for both times the team appears in the story. There’s this sense of camaraderie to it that I wanted to capture, when you’re with a bunch of people who are like family to you. You can tease them all you want, but at the same time you’d go into battle with them, knowing that you can count on them to have your six.

//Long live the pioneers

Rebels and mutineers

Go forth and have no fear

Come close and lend an ear

…

All hail the underdogs

All hail the new kids

All hail the outlaws

Spielbergs and Kubricks

It's our time to make a move

It's our time to make amends

It's our time to break the rules

Let's begin//

I wanted R to have a taste of that. To let her know that she’s appreciated for helping with the mission. To get to know them all better, and to make amends with TP, of sorts.

I didn’t want to make his motivation clear. He wouldn’t tell her that he knows how the story ends. That he can’t help that, deep down, irrationally, he made her responsible for it. Even if she’s not the one to blame. (And I don’t believe he let’s that happen, in the end, because that’s too much angst, even for me - again, fuck you, Mr Nolan, sir)

Corey Taylor, Dave Grohl, Rick Nielsen, Scott Reeder - From can to can’t

Christ almighty, this one is so raw! The emotional progression in here just blows my mind.

//Under the water

It's cold and it's grey

My torrid autumn

Another season decays

Open up the Hollow

And my walls come down

I tell you it's a problem

Just when no one's around

But then

I know what's wrong

God, you complicated everything

I know you're gone, gone, gone

This is where I will draw my line

I will draw my line//

To me, it’s the scene with R having a breakdown in the bathroom, and then somehow finding the solution. She has a plan, and enough strength and determination to pull through, at least for a moment.

Chapter 8: Dan Owen - Hideaway

I found this song by accident, and I almost screamed at how perfect it is for the finale (and then screamed for the second time when my dearest friend @connie-nikas casually sent me this exact song one day saying that it sounds like something I’d enjoy). The intensity just tears your heart out and makes you struggle to draw a breath, there’s something desperate to it, and I knew that it would be my go-to song for the part where R sleeps with Neil, trying one last time to drown all the pain and sorrow in his closeness.

I could just paste all the lyrics, to be honest, because that’s exactly what’s happening in the scene.

//It's a long way down

I keep backing away from the edge

And it's a slow burnout

Like the fires that rage in my head

And it's a slow cry out

When you've got so many tears you could die

And it's a long time to wait

When you take all my tears away//

Oh, she’s on the verge of tears, all right. Knowing quite well that as soon as Neil picks on them, he’s gonna stop to make sure she’s okay. That once he starts asking questions, she’s gonna fall into pieces, unable to lie to him.

//My body is colder

Time is frozen

All these feelings have poisoned my soul

And in silence no I can't stand it

Please break these chains and hell I can

Hideaway//

She’s scared that if she’s left alone with her thoughts, they will break her and make her stay. What she fears most (besides that she’s gonna end up betrayed, alone and heartbroken) is how Neil’s gonna react to her actions. The last thing she wants is to hurt him. She just hopes that maybe if she leaves now, it’s not gonna be as painful as it would be if she stayed a bit longer. That maybe he’s not fallen in too deep.

//You're my one way out

And my tears won't save me now

Save me now

I can't stand it

All this loneliness I feel

I can't do this alone

I need someone to remind my feelings

That I've fallen down by the door

It's a long way down and my tears won't save me now

It's a long way down

I keep backing away from the edge

And it's a slow burnout

Like the fires that rage in my head//

Macy Gray - I try

One of the first songs that came to my mind when I was composing the playlist for the series. It may be a tad too upbeat for my liking, hah, but parts of the lyrics are spot on, and it had to be there.

//I try to say goodbye and I choke (Yeah)

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near

Goodbye and I choke (Yeah!)

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not near//

It makes me think of the time when they’re in the car. She’s going over the plan, kinda skipping the moment she’d have to say goodbye to Neil. That’s the unbearable part. And when he asks an innocent question and touches her, she crumbles and jokes. Partly to distract him from prodding further, but mostly to distract herself. I didn’t plan on them getting all worked up there, it...happened, but I figured it made for a decent ground for what was about to go down in the hotel room.

Belle Mt. - Hollow - acoustic

//She told me she was hollow

That's far from what I see//

That feeling you get when everything is too much and it leaves you hollow because you can’t take it anymore. A safety mechanism of sorts. It kicks in with Reader, and of course, Neil can sense that something is off. He hopes it’s just her being tired, he knows how she feels after spending too much time with people.

//I told her she was special

She almost let me in

But she couldn't bear the thought of digging up the heart that she's been burying//

We already know it. The thing is - Neil doesn’t. They haven’t really talked about it. Well, they did after the first night, but with all the things that happened later… and with how much affection she shows him? He doesn’t have a reason to suspect something this big.

//Lonely is her favourite

If only I could change it

If I could only save her

But sometimes she's lost, sometimes she's broken

Sometimes she's closed, sometimes she's open

Sometimes she's stone-cold, times she's on fire

Mostly she's everything I desire

Lonely is her favourite place to be//

Galleaux - Tether me

I had it on repeat when I was writing that part when R collapses in Neil’s arms when they’re in bed. Did I mention that I didn’t want Reader to be this emotional in the first part of the chapter? I thought she’d be more distant. Numb, even, here and there slipping up but holding it together until the very end. And then she does that. But it was Neil’s reaction that left me all 🥺. Not only me, apparently, because she let out so much there. I think my heart broke a little when she gave me that make love to me/love me/ never let me go part.

//In this space, do I belong?

It's dark out here in my own thoughts

Pull me back, out of my body

I'm tied to my limbs

They're spinning me out of control

Tether me//

And the way the music builds up only to blow up at 3:11, heavens, and those vocals! It just takes my breath away, fits so well there.

Nothing But Thieves - Lover, please stay

There can’t be a series playlist without Nothing But Thieves! And it’s another song Chels sent me. The way it broke me-- bloody hell. It’s that gentle guitar, it’s the raw emotions in the vocals, and those lyrics! It rips my heart out, in the best way possible.

It’s for that part where Neil falls asleep and R breaks down, fully realizing what she is about to do.

//Lover, I know you're weary

Eyes are tired from the night

Lover, come to the kitchen floor

Tiles are cold, so am I//

You bet your ass she’s having flashbacks to those moments on the cold tiles, but in her bathroom.

//Lover, I feel your sorrow pouring out of your skin

And I don't wanna be alone

If I am tonight, I'll always be//

Lonely might be her favourite place to be, but losing Neil by her own decision hurts more than she thought possible.

//So take from me what you want, what you need

Take from me whatever you want, whatever you need

But lover, please stay with me, oh//

You know what’s the worst, though? As if that scene was not heartbreaking enough, my brain decided to remind me how much it parallels part 7 from Stuck in reverse. Yep. ✨Pain.✨

Foo Fighters - Home

When she walks to her apartment. Crying. Broken. Missing him already.

//Wish I were with you

But I couldn't stay

Every direction

Leads me away

Pray for tomorrow

But for today

All I want is to be home//

About to leave for good.

This is the bit that prompted the final conversation. What even is home to her? Living the way she does, it never was something important. I struggled with that idea, I thought it’s too sweet. But Neil, the stubborn ass that he is, didn’t want to give me anything else, so it stayed - and in the end, I’m happy that it did.

BANKS - Someone new

Okay, this one is perfect with its sadness and longing, but it’s a hit and miss when it comes to lyrics. Take a look -

//I can love you desperately

Though your love ain't guaranteed

Oh, I wish you knew the deal

Gotta learn from far away

And I simply needed space

Space for me to be

And I think you need it too

Though I know you call me selfish for assuming

I did this for you too//

This, this, all of this! You see it, right?

//Everything I do, I'm gonna think of you

Don't know what else to do//

Well, one could argue that they could just talk it through without all the drama, but hey, where’s the fun in that? And running away really seems like the best option to R.

//And please don't fall in love with someone new

I promise one day I'll come back for you//

And here it’s off because I don’t think she plans on going back. So she wouldn’t want him to not fall in love with someone else, because why would she? He deserves to be happy.

//Oh, you say you hate me now and you burn me with your words

Calling me a fool

Saying that I've fucked up everything

And you'll never forgive me//

See, I have a few options for what to do when Neil finds her at the riverside. I knew one thing though - it would never be a full-blown argument and accusations. At first (and when I say first I mean before I actually started writing chapter 1, because I already had the last scene plotted out by then), I thought Neil would be calm, with a kind of “I know you love me too, silly, so what on earth are you doing?” vibe to him, to R’s annoyance. Then, the story became heavier, and I knew Neil would be worried. Lost. Confused. But never to the point of losing his temper, not after that one time in the bathroom. And that’s what happens in that scene. He doesn’t know what to do as he tries to make some sense out of it all.

Agnes Obel - Riverside

//Oh my God I see how everything is torn in the river deep

And I don't know why I go the way

Down by the riverside//

As I mentioned, I knew what I wanted for the final confrontation from the start. That’s why I tried to make that river quite important for both of them, weaving it into the story here and there. That’s why they instinctively go there.

Billy Raffoul - Dark four door

There’s this sad acceptance in this song that just breaks my heart. It makes me think about the moment when Neil wakes up and sees that she’s gone. How he doesn’t know what’s going on, and how his mind slowly connects all the things that felt strange, but he’s unwilling to accept it until he checks Reader’s place. And much it costs him to keep it together when he sees that the bag is gone.

//You got up, you felt you should

I keep trying to myself I would've done the same had I could

I never thought that you would//

Chris Cornell - Before we disappear

Whenever I hear this song, I think of Neil standing there with Reader, hurt, trying to understand what went wrong.

//So how hard can it be to share your life with me?

How hard can it be to rise with me each morning?//

Dermot Kennedy - A closeness

The last one by Dermot. If that isn’t their conversation--

//Keeping her bright eyes focused on the coastline, waiting for you

Isn't she all of us pining for that last kiss

A permanent truth, a means to get through//

Why does she stay up for so long in their spot? Does she subconsciously count on him to show up? Unable to let go, once and for all?

//Deep into the night, eyes closing

Heart swollen with my loving for you

A solid embrace, kind face

And then the hurt starts leaving the room, followed by goons

Sometimes it's open wide and lights the road at night

You've got a heart like the moon

Gather courage, if you're doing something, do it

'Cause she got to go soon//

And when Neil sees her, he wants nothing more than to hug her, he’s so relieved. But then she snaps at him, and he can’t believe that she’d actually think that he planted a bug on her to track her. It’s another wound he didn’t expect, but he waits for her to explain her actions before he lets out how much it all affected him.

Ryan McMullan - Outcry

I was close to making this one a title song for the chapter because as Hideaway sounds like it was written for the time they make love, this one is for the time Neil asks why she left.

//You came a long way to see me

So don't you run off, baby stop pretending that you're fine

What's the point that you're making

Tell me what it is that's going 'round inside your mind

If in doubt, don't fake it

I have known you long enough to know that you can't lie

If you're in love don't be ashamed of it

'Cause even angels fall for demons//

God, of course he saw that she wasn’t alright that night, but she seemed so sure about what she needed that moment that he decided not to push her - they had all the time in the world, he could ask her about it in the morning, right?

And Neil knows when she’s hiding behind jokes. That’s why he doesn’t want to play her game when she deflects what he says about the way she was in bed. He wants her to be honest. Especially since he knows what he saw in her eyes, in her actions, when they were together, and he’s sure it all must have meant something to her.

//I've heard stories, but they're jaded

So give me something more

I only know what I've been told

But I can tell that you're frustrated

And I won't ever pry, I'll only be a hand to hold

If you tell me you're hurting

I'm hurting too, yeah

Don't tell me you're fine - unless you're fine

I'll wait for the outcry

Whenever there is something weighing on your mind//

And Neil knows he can’t pressure her, that’s why he just stands with her and waits. Sweeping his mind over and over again for anything that could have prompted this whole mess.

//If you feel like leaving

Then maybe it's for the best

Or if you feel like you've given in

Oh, give yourself a chance

If you feel like crying

Oh please don't hold it in

If you feel like reaching out oh

Let me in//

His heart is aching when he hears her reason why she feels like she has to leave. That’s when he touches her. To pull her back from her head to something real. To remind her that nothing has changed. That he’s there, and not going to let her go that easily. That he loves her, because he needs her to hear it, so she knows for sure. And when she tears up, there’s only one desperate plea in his mind.

Gavin James - Hard to do

One heavy hitter after another, and this is another killer. The longing in Gavin’s voice clenches your chest and you just want to hide in somebody’s arms.

//Oh, I've been thinking that I don't wanna leave

This house isn't home to me

I'm tired of losing everyone I see

Now that you're here, it's a hard thing to do

Trying to hold on//

Does she really want to leave? She feels she has to, but god, if only she knew for sure her heart is safe, she would stay with him forever. The problem with life is - you can never be so sure. And when Neil shows up… it takes everything, even unreasonable anger, to keep her together.

//Maybe I don't believe that I don't wanna run

But two hearts are better than one

You say you'll stick around but I'll be gone

Oh, I'll be gone

It's a hard thing to do, trying to hold on//

Reader knows that it’s gonna be nearly impossible to walk away now. And she’s afraid.

//Oh, but I need you

Far more than I ever want you

It's such an unnatural thing we do

When falling in love's just so hard to do

Hard to do//

She can’t bring herself to look at him after she tells him what’s going on with her. But when Neil touches her and takes her hand, she can’t keep it inside anymore. Then he tells her that he loves her, and everything floods her at once. Fear. Guilt. Love. All that combined with his simple plea is enough to finally make her give in.

Damien Rice - I don’t want to change you

I had it on repeat since the moment Neil touched her. The softness of what happens there, melting the barriers once and for all.

//Wherever you are

You know that I adore you

No matter how far

Well, I can go before you

And if ever you need someone

Well, not that you need helping

But if ever you want someone

Know that I am willing//

He’s there for her. Always has been, always will be.

//Oh, and I don't want to change you

I don't want to change you

I don't want to change your mind//

Here. I think that’s what is really important about them and their relationship.

//I've never been with anyone

In the way I've been with you

But if love is not for fun

Then it's doomed

'Cause water races

Water races down the waterfalls//

Lucy Spraggan - Run

Ha, this kinda feels like an end-credits song, don’t you think?

//I just to run to the end of the world

Just to see if it's possible

I don't care what I've been told

I want to run to the end of the world

I'm going to run,run,run

Bye bye problems

Run 'til the road hits the sea

You better run,run,run

If you want to be free//

Granted, she didn’t run off without Neil, but found a way to run with him instead. There’s that heart-bursting light and freedom in this song, I think it captures that happiness they found, working it all out in the end.

//I wanna feel invincible

One more mile out of principle

I want to see the whole damn world

One cross road can change it all//

Travelling the world. Doing what they like most. Together.

------

Quite a journey that was.

Thank you all for taking it with me.

#long nights #long nights playlist #bts long nights

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ambivalent-anarchy · 5 years

Text

Too Cheesy

Gender: Female

Pairing: Peter Parker x reader

Warnings: Sickening fluff and insanely cheesy pick up lines.

Summary- Ned agrees to stay at Peter's house and help him find the perfect pickup line to ask out his crush with before spring break. But what happens when his crush tags along and also wants to help? ---------------------------------------

"Nah Peter, too corny."

Peter Parker was standing in the middle of his room, his best friend Ned sitting on his bed, cradling their death star in his hands. Peter scrolled down the screen of his phone. "Okay, how about this one?" After reading, Peter looked to the wall and gave a smug smirk, as if he were actually looking at someone. "Hey [Y/N]... are you religious? 'Cause you’re the answer to all my prayers."

Ned cocked his head to the side. "Is she religious?"

"I dunno, I never really asked before," Peter answered, breaking out of his assumed position.

Ned scrunched his nose a bit. "Well, we probably should stay off of religious pick-up lines then."

"Right," Peter agreed, looking back to his phone again. He scrolled a bit more. When satisfied, he looked up at the wall again, raised his eyebrows with an award winning smile before he recited another.

"Life without you would be like a broken pencil… pointless."

"Wow..," Ned said. He pointed and nodded slowly. "I think that's a keeper. Try it again just to make sure though. Oh- and this time, make it more personal."

"Okay," Peter said, going back over the line in his head. He assumed the position and instead of a smug, gave a small smolder.

"Wait," Ned interrupted. "Does this one even make sense? I mean- a pencil still has a point even when it's broken, right? Unless, of course, it's the bottom half, but that would only work if it's a clean break. A-and-"

Suddenly, realizing how completely ridiculous he must look, Peter grimaced. "Ned, why're we doing this again?!"

Ned rolled his eyes. "C'mon Pete. It's because pickup lines always work!"

"A-are you sure? Cuz that doesn't sound right."

"Dude, I'm telling you," Ned defended. "I saw Flash walk right up to Sydney and gave her the perfect pickup line and he immediately got a date! Flash of all people! If he can, you certainly can!"

Peter rolled his eyes. Ned was seriously comparing him to Flash? There were tons of reasons as to how Flash got with Sydney. "But Flash is popular and rich and stuff... I'm just me."

Ned scoffed. "Well..." He looked up with a carefree smile. "If it makes you feel any better, if I were a girl, I'd totally date you."

"..thanks..." Peter said, suddenly feeling incredibly awkward. He looked around the room with a nervous chuckle. Ned, apparently not realizing the awkwardness in the room, hasn't looked away and continued to smile at his friend.

Finding his voice, Peter spoke up. "So, um, what was Flash's line anyway?"

"Uh-uh man," Ned answered. "You gotta find your own! Sydney probably already told the whole school, so you'd just be a copycat. Your line needs to be original."

Peter raised his eyebrows. "We're literally looking this stuff up from the internet, Ned! That's not original!"

"Just trust me. Now read another."

"Okay..." Peter begrudgingly agreed. He was regretting this whole thing more and more each second. He took a deep breath and recited his next one.

"[Y/N], my love for you is like dividing by zero– it can't be defined."

He looked to Ned, who was silently contemplating the words.

"...I kinda like it," Ned finally said.

"I don't know," the scrawny teenager sighed, throwing his phone onto his bed. "It needs to be really good! Not mediocre. Tomorrow is my only chance to tell [Y/N] how I feel before spring break starts. I can't back out!"

"Pete, relax. We'll just add it to the list. Now do another-"

"Peter!!! [Y/N]'s here!!!"

The two teenagers froze. Their eyes widened at his aunt May's voice. They looked to the door, then to each other.

"What is she doing here?!?!," Peter whisper-shouted, two seconds from panicking.

"It's your apartment, you tell me!," Ned whispered back, arms flailing wildly.

"She can't be here!," he yelled to himself, pointing towards the door you could be walking through any second now. "She can NOT be here!"

The two quietly went back and forth as you came closer to his room. Normally, you were always more than welcome. But today, unbeknownst to you, Peter's home was probably the one place you definitely shouldn't be.

You poked your head around the doorframe. "Heyyyy fellas!"

They froze, looking to you with their mouths zipped shut. "Why so tense?," you asked, a small smile playing on your lips.

"No reason!," Peter yelled.

"Hey [Y/N]." Ned gave a wide smile.

You return it with a wider smile that certainly betrayed the rest of your face, that held only confusion. "Uh, what's going on, guys??"

They looked to each other, then to you, then to each other again. Ned broke away first this time. "Peter's trying to find a pick-up line to tell his crush was tomorrow!," he spat out quickly, earning an excited gasp from you.

Peter's jaw stopped to the floor. If he were a computer, he would've definitely been crashing right now. "What the hell, Ned?!," he practically screamed, his voice cracking a bit before he covered his face with his hands.

"So, whose the girl?," you asked, pushing through them and climbing onto the top bunk to sit.

"Uh-"

"DON'T. SAY. ANYTHING!," Peter hissed out through gritted teeth.

It didn't take you too long to realize the tension in the room. "Uh, should I come back another time or something?"

"That would be ideal," Peter mumbled under his breath.

Your eyebrows scrunched together in annoyance. Why were they being so weird and vague?

"Okay, did I do something? Is that why you're acting so weird, Pete? I mean, I was gonna try to help you out so you won't make a complete fool of yourself in front of this girl, but-"

Ned dropped the death star as he excitedly clapped his hands together. "That'd be perfect, actually!!"

Both you and Peter groaned as you looked at the peices on the floor. "Ned!"

"At this point that thing needs to stay at my house cuz when it's at either of yours it always breaks!," you laughed.

"Umm..." Peter looked away and took a deep breath. "[Y/N]?"

At this point, he had no idea nor any control over what was going on and the only words processing in his mind were what the fuck.

His crush was not supposed to be here while he was practicing what to say to his crush tomorrow.

"Yeah, Pete?"

But you were here now, and you didn't seem to be leaving anytime soon.

So what's the worse that could happen?

"C-could you maybe, um, help me with this?"

"With your girl problems? Sure. I mean, if we leave it your hands, the poor girl won't even know what hits her."

Ned bit his lip, attempting (and failing) to hide a fit of laughter. "She sure won't!"

"Dude!," Peter hissed, nudging his shoulder.

"So what've you got so far?," you said, watching Peter expectantly.

"Uhh.." He blew out a heavy breath. Welp, he thought. Guess we're doing this now. He picked up his phone and awkwardly read off the line.

"My love for you is like dividing by zero– it can't be defined.."

He looked back up at you, frozen as statue. That was so embarrassing. You smiled and giggled a little. "That was so cheesy!"

"Oh..," Peter mumbled. He'd actually thought that one was pretty good.

"That's only because he's not doing it like he did a second ago," Ned, ever the oblivious one, noted. "C'mon! Do it the way you did it before [Y/N] came in here."

If looks could kill, Ned would surely have been maimed and then ran over a bus by now.

Peter sighed. He looked up to the wall right above where [Y/N] was sitting and gave his best smolder.

But before he could get a word out, laughter erupted the room. "PETE WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?!," [Y/N] shrieked, practically falling off the the top bunk of the bed with laughter. "Girls' want a genuine smile, not some James Bond wannabe look!"

"Y-you don't think it looks cool?," he asked, cheeks red as beets by now.

"Frickin' goofy is what that looks like!," she responded. "Gimme your phone."

Peter's face fell. Wow, he thought. I'm way off. No way I'm gonna get her now, except...He looked to Ned, who was practically just spectating the whole thing at this point. Their eyes joined, and they could both tell they'd come to the same conclusion.

What better way to find out exactly what to say than by finding out by who you're going to say it to?

[Y/N] scrolled down a few until she found one that she liked. "Ooh, this one's pretty good." She looked up from the phone. "Now, watch me and I'll show you how it's done." She hopped down from the bed and said the line straight to Peter's face, biting her lip and smirking.

"Hey you, apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?"

Immediately afterwards, she broke out of it. "See?," she asked. "That's how it's done." [Y/N] tossed the phone back into Peter's hands before sitting back down. "Now do that."

Peter sucked in a quick breath, lightly tugging the bottom of his gray shirt. "U-uh, um, yeah okay.."

That was hot, was all he could really think at the moment. She's so frickin hot.

Scatterbrained, he stood and looked back at you. "U-uh.. -oh, here's one..." He shook his head slightly, as if attempting to shake the jitters out. "A-are you a cam-mera? C-cuz.. you sure do make me sm-mile," he stammered, ending with beyond awkward fingers guns.

[Y/N] chuckled, biting back a small smile. "Ya know, you're just too cute sometimes..."

At that, Ned's jaw fell to the floor. Peter's face turned a shade of red you didn't believe was even possible.

"Uh, u-um, ah, heh, thanks..."

"Hey yo, my mom's texting me," Ned suddenly announced. "I gotta get home. See you two tomorrow." He smiled at [Y/N] and then looked Peter square in the face with a shit-eating grin. "And good luck Pete!," he said, earning a middle finger from his best friend.

After the door closed, [Y/N] frowned. "What's up with you two? Are you guys fighting?"

"Nah, Ned's just being..." Peter trailed off, shaking his head slightly. If he were to elaborate, he could risk telling you. Better to play it safe. "So was that one good?"

"I mean, it'd be nice if you could g-g-g-get it out!," you mocked with a smile.

"No stuttering then," he concluded to himself. "Stuttering's a turn off."

"Well, not exactly," you corrected. "I actually think it's kinda cute when you do it." Noticing his intense blushing, you grabbed his hands to give comfort. "Just relax. No stuttering. And keep eye contact. Got it, Pete?"

His cheeks reddened as he looked away, desperately trying to redirect his focus from your turned up lips. "Oh, u-uh um, thanks! That's great, ya know! L-lets, ah, just get back to the th-thing- uh, the line..."

And so you did. You helped him til eleven o'clock at night. You went over about fifty. Until there was no way he couldn't have a perfect one to show the girl.

Until the next morning.

Spoiler alert: he didn't find a line.

When you left the indecisive teenager, he'd looked like he was on the right path. He had an entire list of good choices you'd picked out with him, along with practiced ways to do each one.

But, when he woke up and looked back at the list, each one just felt wrong.

Cheesy.

Overused.

Corny.

Lame.

You wouldn't like it. You'd already heard it. It wouldn't feel special to you if he'd told you something you'd already picked out for yourself, even if you didn't know you had.

You'd reject him. And more? Because you were a nice person, you'd probably still want to be friends.

Which was definitely way, way worse.

"Peter!," May yelled. "Engine's being turned on in five! Be there or you'll have to swing to school!"

Perer told you he'd tell his crush the line by the lockers during homeroom.

You couldn't wait. 'This is gonna be so awesome,' you thought, scanning the halls for his curly brown hair and wrinkled jacket.

'Of course, this girl better be worth his time or I'm gonna frickin' tackle her....'

The night before, Peter had told you nearly everything about this mystery girl.

He gushed about how she was perfect. Beautiful. Everything he ever wanted.

And you felt happy for him.

But deep inside, you knew that whoever the girl he'd chosen was, you wouldn't approve. Because deep down, you wished that it would be you.

But you and Peter were friends. Since the sixth grade. If anything was ever gonna happen, it surely already would've.

And It wasn't gonna happen...

And when this girl said yes (it's Peter Parker, why wouldn't you?), you'd have to watch them hug, kiss, give inside jokes, and everything else couples did.

And because he was your best friend, you'd have to just sit there and be happy for him.

"Miss. [Y/L/N]. Come on, get to class!," your homeroom teacher yelled, standing by the door, holding it open for you to walk into the classroom.

"Must be late again...," you mumbled, looking around the halls for Peter one last time before making your way to the door.

"[Y/N]!"

You whipped your head to where the voice was coming from. It was Ned, running down the hallway.

"Yeah?"

"He's gonna do it!," he yelled. "He's about to ask!"

You turned towards your teacher. "Um, can I go to the restroom please?"

"Yeah sure," the teacher replied.

Once the door closed, you ran to meet Ned in the middle of the hall. "Ask? Wait, on a date or to actually be his girlfriend?"

"TO BE HIS GIIIIRRRRRRLLLLLLLFRIEND!!," he yelled, shaking you by your shoulders back and forth frantically.

'Wow,' you thought, eyes wide. 'Peter's actually getting some balls now.'

This was it. And you were gonna hold your tongue and watch it happen.

Ned looked over your shoulder as he practically gasped for air. "He's coming! He's coming!"

You pulled his arm a bit, attempting to pull him to towards the wall. "Don't we need to hide? They don't need an audience!"

Suddenly, using his strength against you, Ned turned you around quickly for you to come face to face with Peter.

"Where's the girl?," you said, looking around curiously. After you were met with silence, your curious smile went away. "Pete, where is she? Where's she at?"

"I-it's...um, [Y/N] it's always been-heh. It's you," he answered, looking into your eyes shyly.

Ned could've bursts from joy right then and there. You could feel his grip on your arms tighten out of excitement.

But you didn't care, because you were sky high yourself. "So all that, yesterday? That was all about-"

"Yeah. You."

You sighed, practically frozen. "Major fucking plot twist, dude.."

He tilted his head. "'Saw' level?"

"More like 'Shutter Island' level," you answered.

"Ooh, that was a big one," Ned added brightly.

You shifted slightly. "So, um, what was the line you chose?"

"Oh!," Peter laughed. "How could I forget? Uh-" He grabbed your hands gently. "Okay." Hey blew out a long breath. "Relaxing. No stuttering. And keeping eye contact," he reminded himself aloud before he slowly and tenderly recited the line he'd chosen.

"[Y/N], ahem, um, If I had a penny for every time I thought about you, I'd have exactly one cent.."

You frowned. "Hold on, I don't get it. That means-"

"-Because you never leave my mind, sweetheart."

Raising your eyebrows, your heart warmed and you covered your hand over your mouth. That was one you hadn't chosen. You'd never even heard it before. He'd found it himself.

Noticing your reaction, Peter tensed. "W-was that too much? I'm sorry if that was too much! The last thing I would want for it to be is too-"

"That was perfect, Peter."

He paused. "It wasn't too cheesy?"

"Just a little cheesy," you said, pinching your fingers together and giving a quick wink.

"On a scale of one to ten?," Ned asked.

"Ned!," Peter scolded, quickly sliding his finger over his neck as a warning. He then looked back to you with a timid smirk.

"So, ah, does this mean you'll be my girlfriend?"

"Hmm, I guess it does, huh?," you giggled and turned to walk away just as the bell rang for first period.

"Sooooo, how'd it go?," May asked, poking her head around the doorframe of Peter's room.

When Peter turned towards her from his bed, May knew the answer before he even uttered a word.

He was staring up at ceiling twiddling his fingers and grinning like a madman.

"She said yes, May..I-i didn't think she'd actually say yes!"

May smiled. "Well, that's good!"

"Our first date's tomorrow and- Oh God! I might need to find another line to tell her! I'll use the math one this time since she was so excited about acing that test earlier today. Oh my gosh what if- what if we kiss?! That'd be SO awesome! Right, May? Ooh man, what am I gonna wear?? Ned said to wear a tux. But it's just a movie date, not prom! Jeans and a t-shirt should work, right? What if I get there and I'm underdressed?! Why is this stuff so hard?!"

Aunt May watched as the young boy frantically vented to himself and shook her head. "God bless him..."

She looked down at his desk in the corner of his room. On it was a small journal. It was opened to a page labelled 'Pickup Lines To Tell [Y/N]'

Underneath it were lines separated into sections based on 'coolness,' 'nerdiness,' and 'sexiness.'

May furrowed her eyebrows. "Hon, you know pick-up lines never work, right?

"Well May," Peter sighed, leaning back into his bed. "There's a special girl out there that would beg to differ.."

330 notes · View notes

ghost-nabbers-imagines · 5 years

Text

🛏 sleepy Sal x reader, and kissing his scars 💋

I excitedly walked around my apartment double checking everything one last time. Pizza, video games, movies, snacks, soda, and music. Perfect. I wanted tonight to be perfect. My best friends Sal and Larry were coming over tonight for a sleepover and I couldn't wait.

My parents had gone away for the night so I told him and Larry to come eat pizza with me. Being as our building was known to have some issues (like the paranormal Kind) Larry suggested someone stay over with me. He was always like an older protective brother to me. Larry also knew about my feelings for Sal and was trying to onvince me to do something about it. Larry also thought Sal was having some trouble sleeping so I thought I'd see what was up.

A sudden knocking at the door caught my attention. I practically skipped over almost tripping over my own feet. When I opened the door Larry and Sal were both stood. Larry had one of his goofy smiles on and it looked like Sal was blushing a small bit from the color of his ears.

"Hey ya (y/n)!" Larry cheered as the two entered my apartment. "Hey Larry Hey Sal!" I exclaimed hugging them both. "You can set your stuff down I'll go get the plates and drinks!" I instructed running into the kitchen. Larry entered the kitchen a few moments later. "Hes definitely not sleeping well lately dude hes been practically falling asleep all day." Larry informed me. I looked up at him concerned. "Hopefully I can get him to sleep tonight." I said worried about my crush. "Just so you know it's just gonna be the two of you tonight." Larry informed me. I whipped around to face him again. "W-What? You're not staying?" I stuttered nervously. "Nah I'm not into third wheeling." He chuckled with a wink.

"I really think you should go for it tonight. Just take it easy on Sal. He's a great guy but he's very new to having a girl like him." Larry pointed out Seriously. I nodded understanding walking out and setting the stuff on the table with the pizza. Both boys made their way over grabbing plates. We sat on the couch eating pizza and listening to Sanity's Fall for a couple hours. I had completely forgotten about the nerves in my stomach till Larry informed us that his mom wanted him home and he left.

"So... Just us I guess." I laughed nervously scratching the back of my neck. "Yeah guess so." He chuckled staring at the floor. "I'm gonna go get my pajamas on." I said awkwardly excusing myself. As soon as I was in my room I pressed my back against the door running a hand through my hair.

This has to be the night I can't hold it in anymore. Besides Larry said if I didn't say something tonight he'd make us play truth or dare or something. I took a deep breath before pulling on my pajamas which consisted of an over sized Sanity's Fall shirt and short shorts.

I made my way back out into the living room to see Sal had changed into his pajama pants already and not wearing a shirt. The two of us were watching a movie and Iciuld practically see his head bobbing to the side every time he began to doze off. "You ok Sal?" I asked concerned. "Hm oh yeah I just need another refill and I'll be fine." He smiled reaching for his soda. I grabbed his wrist stopping him. "I think maybe you should get some sleep come on." I said pulling him up with me. I shut off the tv making my way into my room.

I hopped up onto my bed patting the space next to me. "O-Oh I uh. I um don't think that's appropriate but I can sleep on the floor next to your bed if you'd like." He offered nervously. I had to admit him being so adamant about it stung. "O-oh ok blankets are in that closet there." I said pointing to my closet. He nodded making his way over to open it. "Sal if you're that uncomfortable around me I can sleep on the couch and you can sleep here but I really think you should get some sleep in a real bed. You're eyes are starting to look more like a raccoon than Larry's." I blurted out making him freeze in his tracks immediately turning to face me. "N-no that's not it it's just.. it's not you it's... uh." he stuttered out shaking his head. "What Sal?" I asked confused by his behavior.

He sighed wrapping his arms around himself. "It's my face. I don't want you seeing my face. And I have really bad nightmares I'd probably keep you up anyhow with how bad they've been lately." Sal explained. It was then I remembered how scarred he said his face was. I crawled forwards wrapping my arms around his small body.

"Sal I'm so sorry I didn't even realize. You're more than welcome to sleep wherever you want. However if you chose in bed with me I promise to not judge or make you uncomfortable." I whispered placing a kiss on the cheek of his prosthetic. He turned towards me hugging me tightly. After a few minutes of the embrace I pulled away and crawled back up to my pillow. I pulled the light switch and got comfortable under the covers.

"You deserve a good nights sleep. If you'd like you can come up here and be the little spoon and I'll take the nightmares away. Otherwise like I said there's blankets in the closet use as many as you need. I know you get cold." I told him silently hoping he'd take my offer. After a few minutes he moved next to me facing away. I pulled the covers up and over his small form. "Want me to take out your pigtails?" I asked in a whisper. He nodded his head mumbling a shaky please.

I gently pulled the hair ties from his electric blue hair setting them on my night stand. "If you wanna take off your mask you can, I promise not to look. Tonight I just want you to sleep." I smiled playing with his hair. "I don't wanna scare you away." He said with his voice riddled with pain. "Sal that's not gonna happen. Truth is I really like you and-" before I could finish my sentence he sat straight up facing me. "You like me like you have feelings for me?" He asked shocked.

I giggled shaking my head before flipping the light back on. "Sal I've had a crush on you for a while now. And trust me whatever's under there isn't scaring me away. At least lift it up a little." I reassured him moving my hands up to cup his head. He let out a breath before moving his hands up to undo the bottom buckle. He lifted the mask neither to reveal his lips and chin.

There was bad scars and indents showing. A big chunk was missing above his upper lip. The scar tissue seemed to create a resting look of sorrow on his face. I used the pad of my thumb to caress the small portion of his cheek that was visible. "C-can I kiss you?" He asked making my heart leap out of its chest.

I nodded quickly and he wasted no time in pressing his soft slightly chapped lips against mine. The second our lips connected it was like fireworks were going off in my chest. We pulled away for air leaving us both smiling. "What do you say can I take it off?" I asked in a quiet tone. He nodded biting his bottom lip. I carefully reached around to unbuckle his mask. I pulled it from his face setting it near the hair ties.

I couldn't help the tears that formed in my eyes. Despite his broken skin he was absolutely beautiful. I let my finger tips wonder his skin. His icy blue eye watched me fearfully. He was so scared I was gonna reject him. "Sal you're so beautiful." I said smiling widely. "W-what?" He asked clearly taken back. "You're so perfect." I whispered. I leaned in and carefully and gently pressed a kiss to each and every scar that littered his face.

Something seemed to cloud over Sal's eyes as he pulled me into his lap connecting our lips again. His hands rested on my hips still slightly shaking while my hands made their way to to his hair. Our mouths collided passionately for a good while til Sal pulled away and buried his face in my shoulder holding me tight

"Thank you (y/n)." He mumbled with a small sniffle. "Your welcome Sally Face. Now let's get some sleep Yeah?" I asked laying down holding my arms out. He smiled cuddling into my chest wrapping his arms around me. And we drifted off just like that.

I woke up to see Sal still cuddling with me his breathing still and steady. It honestly felt so right to just be laying in his arms. I ran my hands gently through his hair. He let out a few mumbles as he snuggled into me more. I couldn't help but giggle at the adorable sight.

I felt him move again and I could tell he was waking up. "Morning handsome." I beamed moving his hair away from his face. He sat up a bit leaning on his elbow to face me. "Morning Beautiful/handsome." He yawned a small grin on his face. I stared at him in adoration reaching out to caress his face. He leaned into my touch closing his eyes. I kinda had him pegged as someone who was touch deprived and I guess I was right.

"You're really not scared or grossed out?" He asked opening his eyes. I shook my head smiling before placing a quick kiss on his cheek. He smiled widely before his facial expression changed and he crooked his head to the side. "You know I actually didn't have any nightmares last night." He pointed out still smiling. "Sal that's great I'm happy you got a good nights sleep." I cheered happily. He reached down to his bag and pulling out a phone. "Come here." He said sitting up and motioning to the space in front of him. I slid over in front of him and he wrapped his arms around me handing me his phone. "Can you take a picture of us for me? I wanna send it to Larry." He asked a small blush on his cheeks.

I took the phone and gently kissing his cheek again. He buried his face in my neck so I angled the phone and snapped a picture of the two of us. "Perfect!" He exclaimed grabbing the phone and sending both Larry and I a copy. "Now he'll shut up about me asking you out finally." He chuckled pulling us both down so I was laying on his chest. He turned to me like he had a sudden realization.

"(Y/n) um. Did you uh want to be my girlfriend?" He asked nervously. "Yes Sal of course." I smiled kissing his chin. Sal's phone dinged with a notification so he picked it up letting out a small chuckle. "Larry says we make a cute couple." He grinned showing me the message. I smiled happily kissing him again.

~Lex💛

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maddiepants · 6 years

Text

Hard to Love

Summary - Dean reflects on his attitude toward the woman he loves

Pairings - Dean x reader

Word count - 1,034

Warnings - Angst maybe, Dean is a bit of an ass

A/N - This was written for @wonderfulworldofwinchester #dancinginto1500 Lyric writing challenge. My song was Hard to Love by Lee Brice. This was actually really difficult for me to write. I had a hard time making the story flow so feedback would be greatly appreciated.

I am insensitive, I have a tendency,

To pay more attention to the things that I need

Sometimes I drink to much, sometimes I test your trust,

Sometimes I don't know why you're staying with me

I like to watch her as she goes about her daily routine ya know. Watch her move about and do those common things, like cooking or laundry. Or in this case paying for gas. Mundane things that aren't connected to hunting or monsters.

Things that don't make me upset or pissed off. Things that won't make me yell or punch the wall when she does something stupid. Like risk her life to try and save mine.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

“What the fuck was that y/n!” I hollered as I slammed the door behind me.

“Um.. let's see that was me saving your ass Winchester!” Y/N hollered back.

“Saving MY life?” I asked incredulously “First of all sweetheart, you didn't do anything besides get in the way and make yourself a target for that ghoul” the words dripped with heated venom as they came off my tongue. “If I hadn't of been there to save that sweet ass, you'd be dead right now Y/N.”

I regretted the words immediately. I could see the moment the words hit her. I watched her Y/C/E eyes dull as the fight left her. But I couldn't take it back now. I had to follow through. Make her see that my life isn't as important as hers.

“Maybe next time you should stay behind and research so you won't get hurt.” I spoke just over a whisper as I refused to make eye contact. “ I'm going to the bar” I said as I turned around and stomped out.

I'm hard to love, hard to love,

Oh I don't make it easy,

I couldn't do it if I stood where you stood

I'm hard to love, hard to love,

You say that you need me,

I don't deserve it but I love that you love me good

When I came home early the next morning, I found her lying in bed in one of my flannels, her face puffy from crying no doubt and her phone clutched tightly in her hand. She had called me 6 times, and sent 18 text messages. All of which I ignored choosing to focus on the blonde waitress and the whiskey she kept in my glass.

I had lost my temper, said a ton of shit I didn't mean to the girl I loved, went out and got drunk to settle MY needs and yet here she was crying herself to sleep worrying about me after I treated her so badly.

I am a short fuse, I am a wrecking ball

Crashing into your heart like I do

You're like a Sunday morning full of grace and full of Jesus

And I wish that I could be more like you

I'm hard to love, hard to love,

Oh I don't make it easy,

I couldn't do it if I stood where you stood,

I'm hard to love, hard to love,

You say that you need me,

I don't deserve it but I love that you love me good

I decided to take a quick cold shower in hopes to sober up and remove the stench of whiskey from my body.

I made my way back to the bedroom and tried to carefully get under the covers. As soon as my head hit the pillow her sleepy red rimmed eyes opened and met mine. She should have been furious after everything I said and did. She should have yelled and thrown stuff, she had every right.

But instead she placed her hand on my cheek and leaned forward for a kiss. Just a press of lips on lips but it spoke volumes of how much she missed me and how much she cared.

Love me good

Girl you've given me a million second chances

And I don't ever wanna take you for granted,

I'm just a man,

I'm just a man

“I'm glad you're home” she whispered once the kiss ended. “I was worried about you”

She pulled back just the slightest bit but I wasn't having it. My arm wrapped around her waist and I pulled her body toward me so we were touching from chest to toe.

“I'm sorry about earlier” I started

“Don't. It's ok. I know you were just upset” she said but her voice cracked a little betraying her as she pressed her forehead to mine.

“That doesn't give me the right..” I tried again but stopped as the words just didn't come.

Hard to love, hard to love,

Oh I don't make it easy,

And I couldn't do it if I stood where you stood

I'm hard to love, hard to love

And you say that you need me,

I don't deserve it but I love that you love me

We stayed like that for I don't know how long, as I traced her features with my eyes and lips.

“I don't deserve your love” I whispered as I caressed her soft cheek with my hand.

She smiled. “You're right, you probably don't. But I'm here, and i'm not going anywhere. I'll always be here to love you good Winchester”.

Hard to love, hard to love,

Oh I don't make it easy,

And I couldn't do it if I stood where you stood

I'm hard to love, hard to love

And you say that you need me,

I don't deserve it but I love that you

love me good

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

“Why don't ya take a picture it'll last longer Winchester” she joked as she made her way back to Baby.

I smirked as I replied “I think I took enough pictures of that sweet ass last night back at the motel”

“Oh ha ha” she sassed “Just get in the fucking car before I delete all those pictures of my sweet ass” she said sliding into the front seat.

“Oh don't do that” I gasped in mock horror as I got in and shut the door, bringing the engine to life.

Yeah, she definitely loves me good.

Thank you for reading! ♡♡

Like what you read? Tell me!

Want a tag? Tell me!

Tags - @adoptdontshoppets @dean-winchesters-bacon @closetspngirl @tumbler-tidbits @pisces-cutie @covered-byroses @supernatural-teamfreewillpage @its-a-spn-thing @getnaildbyme @thoughtslikeaminefield @leatherandapplepies @pink1031 @sweetiepie-dean @myinconnelly1 @ladywinchester1967 @purpleskiesandcherrypies @rockhoochie @fatestemptress @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid @evansrogerskitten @sis-tafics @waywardnerd67 @waywardbaby @arazialotis @flamencodiva @mishtho @akshi8278 @time-travel-bouqet @milo-winchester-4ever @babypieandwhiskey @idreamofplaid @wonderfulworldofwinchester

225 notes · View notes

writemywaytoyourheart · 5 years

Text

"Chocopies? Check. Hugs and cuddles? Check."

a/n: ugh I'm sorry this is a little late again, happy tuesday you guys <3 hope you guys like this week's post!

Masterlist← Find all my works here! Hopefully the bio ML will work soon🙏

Genre: FLUFF ❤️

Warnings: none :)

*JUST IMAGINE WHICHEVER MEMBER YOU'D LIKE*

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

"Hey baby?"

You hear your boyfriend call out from the kitchen. You were in the bathroom trying to get your hair into a suitable hairdo and fix your smudged makeup- you were way too tired last night to take it off and too lazy now to do a whole new face of makeup.

"Yes love?" You call back then grunt in annoyance when the mascara under your right eye stubbornly refuses to come off, resulting in looking like a black eye.

"Do you have any ch-.....-ies..?"

You missed the last part of what he said, you squint, trying to listen harder.

"I'm sorry love but I did not hear you at all! Can you say it again?" You call out to him.

"I said do you ha-....-ny......-ies?"

Oh for pete's sake.... you sigh heavily and drop your tired arm, then apologize again.

"Look, baby I'm sorry, I'll be out in a second ok? I just can't hear what you're saying."

You grab another Q-tip and put more makeup remover on it then successfully wipe the stubborn mascara off the under part of your right eye.

"Aha! finally....now I'll just..." You mutter under your breath while you pull out your mascara wand and start refreshing your eyelashes.

"Baby?"

You jump and poke yourself in the eye when your boyfriend suddenly appears in the open bathroom door right next to you.

"Ahh! Ouch! Ow, ow, gosh dang it."

Your boyfriend immediately looks regretful and apologizes profusely.

"Sorry baby! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you, are you ok?"

You giggle and kiss him on the cheek to show him he doesn't have to worry. Then you try to keep your eye from twitching as you fan it slightly, it hadn't hurt that bad but it made your eyes water and you really didn't need that right now.

"What was it that you needed Honey?"

Your boyfriend scrunched his eyebrows together in thought for a moment, making you giggle, and then he snapped his fingers.

"Ah yes! I was wondering if you had any...uh....Chocopies...?" He draws out the words slowly and his eyes dart around, looking anywhere but your face.

You laugh at his adorable expression, the fact that he was embarrassed was so cute. Unfortunately, you didn't have the snack he was obsessed with recently.

"Aw, no love, I ran out a few days ago. I'm sorry."

His face fell, but a second later he smiled and waved it off, saying he didn't want one anyway.

"I mean, I should probably be careful of how many of those I eat....ya know?" He chuckled.

You booped his nose and turned back to keep fixing your makeup and as you did you said nonchalantly,

"Hmm, how about we go and get some from the store? I needed to get some groceries anyway, I have like, no food. And a Chocopie sounds amazing right now." You wink at him through the mirror and smile as his face lights up.

_________________

"Careful baby, here." Your boyfriend grabs your hand and steadies you when an older man shoves past- jostling you on his way inside the subway.

You smile gratefully at him and squeeze his hand affectionately.

On a nice day, you two would walk all the way to the store; since it wasn't too far away. But it was hot outside and neither of you wanted to walk in the muggy heat, and standing on the sidewalk for who knows how long trying to get a taxi, wouldn't be much better. So the subway it is.

Subways were always cramped and uncomfortable; especially when rude people would knock into you without a second thought.

You feel a warm strong arm wrap around you protectively and pull you close. Leaning into your boyfriend's chest, you forget about the fact that you're crammed into a tiny space, standing uncomfortably. Your boyfriend kisses you on the top of your head and breathes in the scent of your new shampoo.

"Ohhhh, what scent is that? I love it."

You giggle and kiss his cheek, "it's cherry blossom, I saw it and wanted to try it out. I'm glad you like it."

"I do!.....hmm, but you know what scent would be even better?"

"No, what?"

He bends down and whispers in your ear, his soft breath tickling you.

"Chocopie scent...."

You pull back and smack him on the chest lightly, laughing at him.

"Oh my gosh, you're insane!"

"Why?? It would smell delicious!"

You roll your eyes, "you're definitely addicted to those things.."

He just smiles and winks at you before pulling you back into his protective hug.

________________

Finally off the subway and heading into your favorite grocery store, you feel a blast of blissfully cool air hit you right when you walk through the automatic doors.

"Ahh, oh my gosh this feels so good...just wait a second.."

You stand under the air vent that is responsible for blowing welcome coldness onto your sweaty face; your eyes closed in content. You don't realize that your boyfriend is watching you, smiling like an idiot.

Eventually you sigh and walk further into the store, grabbing a hand basket.

He follows you and just giggles at the way you walk; bouncing up and down a little and swinging the basket.

I love that girl.

"Come on slow poke~" you motion him to come catch up with you.

He takes a few long strides and catches up quickly. Then slips his hand into your free hand, entwining your fingers.

You smile at him and squeeze his hand, then start swinging your joined hands between the two of you. He just plays along and tries to hold back his laughs.

"Y/n? Ya know something?"

"What is it?"

"You're the cutest thing in the world and I love you."

"wha- I, I mean, ah haha" you stutter and a blush starts creeping up your neck. He just smiles at you and continues swinging your linked hands.

"What's the matter? Embarrassed?~"

"No, I just, thank you..... Iloveyoutoo.."

You rush out the last sentence and lift your hand that's still holding his to cover your face.

____________________

"I told you it was aisle fifteen...."

"You did not you little liar you said thirteen!"

"Uh uh, I distinctly said fifteen...you just didn't listen."

"Well I distinctly heard, thirteen."

You pout and cross your arms. He definitely said thirteen. He rolls his eyes playfully and pokes your cheek gently.

"Well either way, we're at fifteen now so let's go get that ramen you wanted. Sound good?"

You humph and walk into aisle fifteen, your boyfriend only a step behind you. You reach the end of the aisle and turn around again; confusion written all over your face. Then you turn around again, then again and start going back to the other side of the aisle that you started at.

"Baby what are you doing?"

Your boyfriend follows you and gently takes your arm. "Where are you going?"

"It's not here.."

"Huh?"

"The ramen, H/n....it isn't in this aisle."

"oh....they must've moved it..."

"Or you were wrong."

"Hey don't blame me!! You come here all the time, shouldn't you know where the stuff you get is?"

"Ugh, whatever. They must have switched everything around."

"That's what I said!"

"Shush, don't bother me, I need to concentrate."

The store did happen to switch a few things around, which you learned from the employee you asked for help.

Going around the store was difficult because they changed stuff, but also because the man-child that was attached at your hip; pulling stuff off the shelves to examine them and ask if you wanted "this too" or "this looks interesting, you want it?" He was obviously bored and trying not to think about his Chocopies that had yet to get a seat in the now stuffed hand basket.

You loved him to absolute pieces and you weren't bothered by it one bit, it just happened to make the trip last a bit longer.

It went on like this for a while, you picking out some rice, him asking if you wanted this weird looking rice because the container had a silly picture on it, you agreeing because it was too cute to say no.

Picking out vegetables, and seeing him come over with two handfuls of mushrooms for you to see if you wanted them. Needless to say, you got the mushrooms.

At one point you were grabbing another spatula and saw him looking over some weird cooking utensils; his eyes glued to a strange plastic thing....what even was that? A lemon juicer? Or a garlic peeler? Maybe it was a potato shredder.....

He started to reach out and grab it but you called to him before he could bring it to your attention.

"Hey, H/n! Let's go to the snacks now!"

He looked up quickly and nodded; coming over to you and completely forgetting the strange object.

You took his hand and started walking briskly, you had to get him to the snack aisle before he convinced you to buy the whole store because you just couldn't say no.

Finally in his favorite aisle, his face lit up and he started walking down; looking along the shelves for his new obsession.

While he scoured the shelves you look around for something salty to snack on along with the Chocopies. You settle on some chips that you both liked and a small bag of dried squid for whenever you crave it randomly.

When you look up again you see him hurrying toward you with a box of the special treat clutched in his arms.

_____________________

"Ok, we're checking out now...is there anything else you need Y/n?"

"Umm, I don't think so....let me check everything off. Pls tell me if there's something missing."

"Alright." He takes the basket and waits for you to start saying what you got.

"Rice?"

"Check."

"Vegetables?"

"Check."

"Milk?"

"Check."

"Eggs?"

"Check."

"Cheese?"

"Check."

"Seaweed?"

"Ok wait hold on..."

"What? Did I forget that? Dang it I thought I got it."

"No, no it's here. The word "check" is losing all meaning to me though." You laugh as your boyfriend shakes his head, trying to clear it. You guys finish listing out everything until you come to the snacks, but you had taken the basket back and were heading up to the cash register.

He follows closely behind and whispers in your ear,

"Chips?"

You laugh, "check!"

"Dried squid?"

"Check!"

"Chocopies?"

"Check!

"Hugs and cuddles?"

"Check!....wait what?"

He just laughs and hugs you from the back, walking with you to check out.

"I want hugs and cuddles too." You can hear the pout in his voice.

"You can have them when we get home, with your Chocopies too, hm?"

He nods happily.

__________________

Back in the comfort of your apartment after the long day of shopping; you quickly put everything away while he helps you, then you flop onto the couch.

He comes into the living room carrying the box of Chocopies and the chips you got. He sits down next to you and offers you the snacks, you smile tiredly and grab a Chocopie and a handful of chips, putting them on your tummy so you didn't have to hold them while you ate.

He munches away happily and pulls you into his chest.

"Thank you baby."

You look over at him and wipe a crumb from the corner of his mouth.

"What for? You paid for the snacks, so thank you, love."

He shrugs and laughs, "thank you for going with me and for dealing with me at the store."

You laugh and cuddle into his side. Breathing deeply you start to relax; hearing the steady thumping of his heartbeat.

"I love you, H/n."

You feel him kiss your temple. Then start stroking your hair softly.

"I love you too, little cutie."

68 notes · View notes

echy-hexi · 5 years

Text

Me:You let a pyro have a match... What did you think she was going to do? Just light her cigarette?

My dad, almost having his eyebrows singed off:Yes

Me:...I'm disappointed

My dad:As you should be.

///

King:hey I gots a question

Me:Nani?

King:What happens when a girl takes a penis enlargement pill?

Me:...I- what?

///

Me:You're too sober Faith, go get a beer.

///

JJ:Bruh why the fuck are the staff at this funeral home crying?

Celo:Because they work at a fucking funeral home

King:But they should be used to it

Me:No mom

JJ:Yea but you'd think they'd be desensitized to it.

Me:they're paid to cry

Celo:People have emotions unlike you. Not everyone is an emotionless piece of shit.

King:Sympathy

JJ:I'm not an emotionless piece of shit, you're confusing me with Faith

Me:lmao

///

JJ:It looks like Satan's cock

Me:Wtf

Celo:It does

Me:How would you kn-... Nvm

King:Satan, did you just send a dick pic? [Context:They all call me "Satan"]

Me:No wtf

JJ:Trap

King:Don't lie

Fai:oh

Me:I'm literally bleeding from my twat and you assume I just sent a dick pic

King:TF is a twat?

Celo:Pussy

King:o

Me:I regret life decisions

///

JJ:Lei are these still your notes for us?

"My brother said he is a explosive potato"

"Oofity scoop"

"I mad I wasted 4 years at LCA"

"ok listen here failed abortion im tired of trying to be nice so fuck off you ugly lonely ugly cunt and good night"

"Drink coffee it doesn't stunt ur growth although u don't have growth"

"lmao I got kicked out of 2 friend groups bc i said tiddies in Japanese"

"This is why you're not allowed to have a kid"

///

JJ:Isen wants to speak to your manager lmfao

///

Me:We're great friends here at Chaotic Evil™ the Group Chat HQ

JJ:Move I'm gay

Fai:Oh great

Me:We know

///

Masky:I don't know JJ I just want to kill someone so I can eat *vibrates eyes*

Me:o h l o r d

Me:gEt ThE hOlY wAtEr MoThErFuCkErS

Masky:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Masky:NOT THAT!

JJ:*sprays with holy water*

Me:XD

Masky:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

JJ:*spritz spritz bitch*

///

JJ:Everytime somebody says some dumbass shit I have a split decision between saying: "fuckin pardon?" or "come again *****??"

Fai:Why not both

Fai:Mix them together

JJ:Pardon again *****? Fuckin come again??

///

JJ:Anyway I'll be sleeping w multiple soft n fluffy pillows like the trashy hoe i am and y'all will just have to deal, g'night

///

Me:My sister wants to send a bird and some grass to China

///

Fai:i'll just stab him in the dick. No more kids for you buddy

///

Me:Reasons I don't need to discuss you butt taco

///

Jeffo:That goddamn bever exposed my twitter

///

JJ:Don't fuck rachel gardner tf y'all are both underage

///

Celo:Concern is futile

///

Su:You're literally talking to someone who read Danny x Rachel fanfiction at 5 in the morning

///

King:How y'all doing

Fai:Dying

///

Me:*recites the entire script of "history of the entire world, i guess" in chat*

///

JJ:YOU CAN'T TALK ABOUT ANYBODY BEING A BOTTOM CELO

JJ:I PUSHED YOU AND YOU LITERALLY FUCKING MOANED

Su:w o a h t h e r e

///

Me:"My parents are going to beat me" kinky

///

Me:Last year:King being accused of raping JJ

///

Me:ur mum gae

///

Me:SHE WAS LOOKING AT LEVI'S DICK-

Su:And I oop-

Fai:Stop. Halt. Halt. Stop.

///

Me:EVERYONE IS GAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Fai:No lei

King:Nope

Me:GO BACK TO YOUR CLOSET

///

Me:lets rape africa

Fai:lets not???

Me:they scrambled to see who could rape africa the fastest

///

Me:let's blame the maine on spain

///

JJ:Cactus dildo

///

Me:the holes just appear over night and magically get white stuff in them-

Fai:Alright

Su:I-

///

Me:FBI OPEN UP MOTHERFUCKERS

///

Me:michigan's a 4-year-old basic moody bitch wearing crocs and socks drinking some fucking starbucks and breaking down in the corner of america while everyone else gets high and drunk af and ignores him to cry. except ohio

ohio is michigan's not alone buddy

///

Me:kim kardashian is a boy?

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Me:levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith levaith

Fai:halt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halthalt halt halt halt halt halt

///

Me:all i heard was big. what-

Fai:don't worry bout it

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JJ:You ask your broke ass friends if they have money

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Me:my sister has a girlfriend apparently-

Fai:Her hand

Me:no

King:Jeffo

Fai:ye

Me:This chick she met in a game

JJ:When's the wedding

Me:Lmao

///

"You can't legally stab children"

"Not on purpose anyways"

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Me:TIL my dad's boss lives near Jeffo and my sister's into punky skaters

JJ:TODAY I LEARNED THAT CELO'S MOM KNOWS MY MOM WHAT THE FUCK

Me:so kids what lesson did we learn

Fai/JJ:Nothing

JJ:Jynx

Fai:This is horrible

///

Celo:unholy tutu screeching intensifies

///

Me:im seriously crying by saying "im a weiner dog"

Me:i am the weiner dog

Me:the holy weiner dog

Su:w h e e z e

Me:im the all-mighty weiner dog

Celo:I can't breathe

Su:c r y i n g

Celo:And I'm ashamed

Me:im crying-

Me:im not

Me:im probably contact-high

///

Su:The question is not are you choking, its what are you choking on?

///

JJ:"Go jerk off to your fictional waifus, you horny fucking weeb"

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JJ:I speak English not oui oui baguette motherfucker

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King:i just had a flashback of when Destiny Powell started to have nicknames and called Nini tater tot.

King:then christoff just yelled, TATER TOT SHE'S A THOT

JJ:I don't remember Destiny saying that but i definitely remember Christoff saying that

///

Me:hi and welcome to college! you want fresh air? WELL IT CANT FUCKIN HAPPEN! BECAUSE WE'RE TOO AFRAID YOU'RE GONNA COMMIT SUICIDE! SO THIS IS ALL YA GET. A SMALL CRACK IN THE WINDOW!

///

Me:i enjoy the fact that none of us can actually bother correcting shit after sending unless someone points it out or we notice and it pisses us off.

///

Me:i read that as "my new seat in meth is great"

///

JJ:stop flirting some of us are trying to spill some tea

///

Celo:Squidward thicc af 😏

Me:I- Cel why-

Cel:Aren't you the bitch that likes fell

Me:fuck you dont use this to your advantedge

///

Cel:Also, how does that explain why Skyler doesn't even have a dick

///

Me, using something from Tumblr:

Cel:There's a fight going on down the block. Wanna go see?

JJ:What-

Lei:Wh- what the fuck- why?

Fai throws Jeffo and Kint down the hallway to their right yelling “FUCK YOU!"

Sounds of things smashing

Lei:I could use some air and time out of the house. Sure why not-

Est:Take me with you I've been stuck in here for *counting on fingers* 50 years-

Lei:You're only 21-

Est:It only looks like I'm 21

Lei:What the fuck-

---

JJ:Did Cal just tell me he loves me for the first time?

Lei:Yes.

JJ:And did I just do finger guns back?

Lei:Yes. Yes you did.

---

Cel:Hello-

Fai, grabbing through the bars:*Starts to choke him*

Lei: Faith! Faith! Hold on let him explain!

Fai:He’s selling us out!

Lei:Let. Him. Explain.

Cel:*Coughs* Thank you, Leila.

Cel:I’m selling you out.

Lei:*Angry screaming*

Cel:*Choking noises*

---

Cel:Why are you smiling?

Jeffi:Can’t I just smile? Maybe something good happened and I’m happy!

JJ:Faith tripped and fell in the parking lot.

King:Did she die?

JJ:No

///

Me:you force fed me pizza when i was a baby i remember the future

///

Me:all these quotes from the internet, family members, or friends. then there's "ahem You can't be bisexual if you're sansexual. You get to live with this information now, bye"

///

Some random discord shit

2 notes · View notes

punkscowardschampions · 5 years

Text

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: you left your headphones here, mate Jimmy: got 'em in my pocket if you wanna collect Jimmy: wouldn't subject you to Cass' interrogation tactics Jimmy: better off buying new, rich girl Janis: yeah, realized when I went to start this run Janis: already in Twix's bad books so can't have that, like Janis: drop in and get 'em in a few Jimmy: 💔 on the rocks already you two? Jimmy: gutted Jimmy: stay for breakfast if you want Janis: Are now, like Janis: How to explain with a look that you can't take her out 'cos you tryna be 🤐 tragic misunderstanding Janis: [pic of protein shake thing] 👍 Jimmy: did try & let her know my dad was in the mood to do you for dogknapping but Jimmy: she ain't the sharpest pup at the park Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Rude Janis: she got plenty of potential Jimmy: where? Janis: 🙄 Janis: she got as much as you in her right paw, like, don't be rude Jimmy: says you as you're then snide to me 👌 Jimmy: you know my smoothies are 💣 & so my future is set Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: gotta stand up for my girl ain't I Jimmy: 💪 Jimmy: who took her out? she best remember that 🥇 Janis: didn't know you cared 💕 Janis: can handle the competition okay Jimmy: nah, you'll be 💔 when she's only got 😍 for me Jimmy: especially 'cause I don't care, double blow 🎻 Janis: Scandalous Janis: hitting her up with the screenshots as we speak Jimmy: no secret, babe Jimmy: go on Janis: Poor bitch Janis: #youdeservebetterhun Jimmy: shoulda fought the law, Juliet Jimmy: reckon you'd have gotten pretty far with her before the take down Janis: Appreciate the faith Janis: but as I didn't even make it out the door without being #exposed Janis: idk Jimmy: Just by the 🐶 though? Janis: Nah, your Dad had to share how full of the joys he was this AM, like Jimmy: sorry Janis: ain't your fault Janis: and no big Jimmy: I invited you & he's my dad so as much as it can be, it is Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: just accept the apology Janis: alright Janis: might wanna tell him i'm not a prozzie though, just look like one Jimmy: did he say that? Janis: No, nah, 'course not Janis: just 👀s Jimmy: then don't be a dickhead Jimmy: he knows you're my girlfriend Janis: just joking Jimmy: funny Janis: gotta laugh Jimmy: nah Jimmy: join me in misery Janis: that bad? Jimmy: just joking Janis: 👌 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: when you working 'til today Jimmy: 3 Jimmy: why? Janis: just working out when i can drop in to get my headphones Jimmy: I can give 'em to your sister Jimmy: she drops by at lunchtime like clockwork Janis: 😑 Janis: that would require talking to her Janis: for you and me Jimmy: I was reckoning more on a shove 'em at her & run Jimmy: gotta go on my break, soz gracie Janis: good 🍀 Janis: if she can read social cues at all she ignores them Jimmy: save me then, babe Jimmy: come yourself Janis: will do Janis: not lunchtime, obviously Janis: been summoned home anyway 🙄 Jimmy: you in the shit too? Jimmy: how #goals of us, Juliet Janis: truly Janis: it's only my dad, he ain't got no balls Jimmy: @ me in some shit to demonstrate our mutual pining like Jimmy: no way I'm allowed out until my dad's home at least Janis: figured Janis: least if you're effectively grounded no one waiting on that first date like Jimmy: he can't stop me taking the sibs & dog out but probably best if you don't show up too Janis: 👍 no problem Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: if you wanna keep it coupley, gonna have to be in work hours Janis: guess i got no excuse not to be there atm Janis: hmm Janis: i will show up at lunch, least we'll have a definite witness Janis: that'll keep 'em going Jimmy: they travel as a pack, we'll have 5 Jimmy: take some selfies, make a scene, go again. Easy, yeah? Janis: 🙄 such a fake bitch Jimmy: law of Leprechaun town Jimmy: got us in on it even Janis: least we're going for gold, what the fuck are you doing gracie Jimmy: least we know Mia's going for the throat Jimmy: god bless Janis: gonna have to go for yours Janis: don't take it personal Janis: no time for half-arsing it Jimmy: 💕 Janis: that's the #mood Jimmy: it'll piss my dad off too so sign me up Jimmy: more lasting you can make it, the better Janis: no amateur at either, babe Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: I remember Janis: Yeah? Janis: told ya Jimmy: you tell me a lot of things, Judith Jimmy: so chatty you Janis: 🖕 Janis: be off then Jimmy: alright Jimmy: 'til lunch my love Janis: 💘 Janis: you know the deal, have something not shit waiting for me Jimmy: I'm already there, baby 💕 Janis: 😏 dickhead Jimmy: do you want food or you just gonna snack on me like you're channeling a mia move? Janis: she's not inspiration or goals Janis: can't have her reckoning that, ever Jimmy: #thinspo Janis: 😂 Janis: get me a bacon sarnie to fuck her off Jimmy: �� Jimmy: nowt sexy bout that but I'll 😍 best I can Janis: how rude Janis: what you want me to order, like u got anything phallic on the menu lads Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: you'll have a straw with your smoothie, it's fine Janis: I've been forced to endure many a teeny romcom, it's fine Janis: know what to do, boy Jimmy: weren't doubting Jimmy: easy for you anyway, what am I gonna do? lick out a coffee lid suggestively? nah Janis: please do Janis: need a good laugh Jimmy: piss off Janis: still think you're cute, don't worry baby Jimmy: yeah I know Janis: shut up Jimmy: save it for when you can make me Jimmy: the audience will love that Janis: yeah expecting applause Jimmy: I'll take the hit when Mia throws her iced coffee Jimmy: workers comp Janis: Love that for her, if only you didn't take your coffee like a basic bitch, might have the desired effect Jimmy: only gonna make me look hotter, girl so tah Janis: who isn't about a wet t-shirt moment Jimmy: she helps me out loads for someone who reckons they're a #hater Janis: save your thanks for the acceptance speech Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: not gonna thank her the way lads usually do Janis: #notliketherest is it? 😏 Jimmy: #standardsunliketherest Janis: If you say so Janis: me being your 'girlfriend' probably has 'em doubting that Jimmy: I had said it, loads Jimmy: Start listening, girl Jimmy: might stop you chatting shit for a sec Janis: Yeah yeah Janis: I heard ya Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: 🤷 Jimmy: the manager's here Jimmy: in a bit Janis: 👍 laters Jimmy: 😘 Janis: [After] Janis: [Headphone selfie] Tah Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [Selfie to show the general disheveled state of him after that glorious PDA] Jimmy: likewise Janis: 😳 Janis: worked though Jimmy: I didn't reckon Mia's voice could get this high Janis: Ha 😂 Janis: so pressed Jimmy: their debrief is the real show Jimmy: & you're missing it Janis: Gutted 💔 Janis: gimme the play by play Jimmy: nowt you ain't heard before I'm sure Jimmy: 🎻 & 🗡 Janis: usual then Janis: sure gracie will fill me in on how much of a bitch i am no worries 🙄 Jimmy: if she don't you didn't do enough Jimmy: you'll have to come back Janis: yeah? doubt that was her shout somehow 😏 Jimmy: let me know Janis: If you think I'm letting her dictate 'round 2 you got the wrong twin Jimmy: 💔 Janis: Yeah, be sure to tell her how gutted you are about that Janis: love to get it #confirmed Jimmy: you're alright Janis: can't say i didn't try Jimmy: nobody can Jimmy: not after that display Janis: too much? Jimmy: nah Jimmy: it was spot on Janis: 🥇 Janis: no need to come back then Jimmy: unless you wanna smack Mia Jimmy: I'd be down to see that Janis: Perv Janis: and 'course I do but her bones might legit crumble and I don't need to get sued by Daddy Jimmy: 💔 Janis: I know babe Jimmy: more gutted I can't accidentally dump this order on the lot of 'em anyway Janis: can't even be mad Janis: #thecouplethathatestogether Janis: I legit couldn't stick another second of them Jimmy: I know babe Jimmy: A lesser ego would think you were desperate to get away from me, but not this one Janis: Thank God you're you 💘 Janis: can't be dealing with stroking egos and destroying others in one Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: Love you too Janis: when will your dad forgive you/me enough Janis: wanna see twix, like Jimmy: He doesn't get back til 6.30 Jimmy: usually later Janis: so, between the hours of 6.30-6.30, she's all mine? Janis: well, share with the kids, not a total heartless cow Jimmy: yeah Janis: good to know Jimmy: not gonna stand in the way of #truelove am I? Janis: try it Jimmy: ain't got the energy today, darling Janis: 😏 Janis: oh colour me surprised Jimmy: you shouldn't be Jimmy: you know how I slept Janis: i know Janis: he was alright though once you went in with him yeah Jimmy: after a bit Janis: 👍 good stuff Janis: consolation i didn't sleep all that good either Jimmy: like I said, join me in misery Jimmy: you should drink coffee Janis: why are you trying to ruin me Jimmy: says the girl trying to kill me by any means she can Janis: You asked for it Jimmy: 😱 Jimmy: # something relevant for me 'bout that Janis: not blaming or shaming Janis: but you can't fool me, babe Janis: #youwantit Jimmy: #busted Jimmy: 😍💕 Janis: didn't know you were arty Janis: btw Jimmy: why would you? Janis: idk, feel like i shoulda guessed Janis: #softboi Jimmy: piss off Janis: you're pretty good Jimmy: now really piss off Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: 😑 Janis: 'scuse me Janis: giving you a compliment Jimmy: save it for when you can gimme one that matters Jimmy: just doing my bit Janis: Fussy Jimmy: what? Janis: My compliment not good enough 😜 Jimmy: gimme a better one then Jimmy: 'cause that's bollocks Jimmy: it's just a doodle not even that #goals Janis: can say my standards ain't high as yours then Janis: whatever, boy Jimmy: give & you take 💔 Janis: You're prettier than you've drawn yourself Janis: happy? Jimmy: you're prettier than I've drawn you Jimmy: shit artist Janis: ugh stop Janis: 🥊 Jimmy: take the compliment, dickhead Janis: you first Jimmy: 👌 Janis: Cute Jimmy: tell me something I don't know, Jennifer Janis: Alright Janis: I wish I could come back Jimmy: why can't you? Janis: Lots of reasons Janis: they're still there, for one Jimmy: that's a point in the 'why you should' column Jimmy: don't leave me with 'em Janis: poor baby Janis: but I don't know if I can chill Jimmy: we don't chill Jimmy: so fine Janis: you gotta work Jimmy: I'm on the clock with you putting in those fake boyfriend hours Janis: but Jimmy: what? Janis: I want you Jimmy: then come back Janis: it's okay yeah Jimmy: we got interrupted last night, it's only fair we get to make up the time now Janis: it's so hard just kissing you and walking away now Jimmy: I'll be done here in a bit Jimmy: we can leave together Janis: alright Janis: they better not say shit, actually not in the mood Jimmy: I'll fake sick & you can meet me outside? Jimmy: hangover's believable Janis: where we gonna go? Jimmy: I don't know Janis: Come back to mine Jimmy: ain't there 100s of you? Janis: Yeah but rich bitch no Janis: there's places, don't worry Jimmy: alright Jimmy: but if we get interrupted again I'm fake dumping you Janis: we won't Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: where are you now? I can meet you there depending Janis: Gym Janis: had to distract myself somehow Jimmy: like I said, trying to kill ME constantly Jimmy: you're welcome for the headphones then Janis: Like I said, gotta make sure you feel it too Jimmy: you're wearing those clothes again, aren't you? Jimmy: I'll pass the news on to Mia before I go Janis: What else was I gonna wear, like Janis: sure she'll be thrilled Janis: fill in the blanks yourself though, babes Jimmy: a ballgown for all I know Jimmy: not set foot inside a gym Janis: don't let on Janis: so not #goals Janis: who they gonna take #gymselfies with Jimmy: you Jimmy: I'm ken to your barbie, Julie, basically surplus Janis: Please, I actually workout when I'm there, not stare at boys whilst also making sure I look #fit at all times pracing on the treadmill Jimmy: I know Jimmy: I can tell Janis: so 💪 Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: you're really fit Janis: shh Jimmy: I get it, you don't wanna talk Jimmy: I'm leaving, don't worry Janis: Good Janis: I'm done with waiting and interruptions and other people Jimmy: where am I going? Jimmy: realised I don't know where you live Janis: Ugh, middle of bloody nowhere literally Janis: Easier if you dare to step in the gym and I'll come with Jimmy: could've sent a car for me, rich girl, or a 🐎 Jimmy: but alright Janis: 🙄 we don't have horses, thank God Janis: there is a donkey if you wanna be that dickhead, very Blackpool, init? right at home Janis: [gym location] literally, down the road and do a left, you'll see all the wankers in the window benches posing Jimmy: swap you for the dog, just kick them cats out & you'll be right Jimmy: gimme a sec Janis: give you 5 mins, even as a 🚬 Jimmy: tah 💕 Jimmy: that's love Janis: it's something Janis: show you when you get here Jimmy: not what I want you to show me Jimmy: but I guess Jimmy: I'll survive Janis: what do you want? Jimmy: last night didn't help you figure it out? Janis: Got some ideas Jimmy: you'll get more Jimmy: just wait 'til I get there Janis: Inspiring Janis: thought I was meant to be the #muse Jimmy: you reckon we're a team Jimmy: I remember you saying Janis: I remember lots of things you said Janis: and everything you didn't Jimmy: won't have to repeat myself then, will I? Janis: I won't be mad if you have to repeat some things Janis: just saying Jimmy: you can do some of the exact same things too, if you want Janis: I intend to Janis: and more, better Janis: had plenty of time to think now Jimmy: just how far away is your house? I need to catch up Janis: Glad you said it 😏 Janis: like 15 on the bus 🙄 but I can tell you all about it then Janis: if I whisper, like Jimmy: 🤞 our fave grandma is there Janis: 😂 Janis: down to give her a reason to really hate Jimmy: are you even goals 'til you turn a hater into a fan? Jimmy: don't think so Janis: ew don't be tryna turn old ladies on Janis: omg, are you your ex Janis: tryna let me down gently Jimmy: there never was an ex #plot twist Jimmy: Barry is my true love Janis: damn Janis: i don't need you to be my true love though barry it's alright Jimmy: stashed the baby in the back of the CG it's why I take such long breaks Jimmy: don't even 🚬 Janis: suspiciously good with kids Janis: damn wait 'til they find out the real #tea Jimmy: 😂 Janis: imma look a fool but i hope barry isn't cheating on you, hearing that cry for help now, babe, soz 💔 Jimmy: channel it into my art, don't I? 🎻🎨 Janis: you did a good job not making me look like an old man Janis: hard to resist, I'm sure Jimmy: shoulda seen my first draft Janis: 😂 Jimmy: you do look better than I can draw you though, for real Jimmy: it ain't my preferred method or whatever Janis: yeah? Jimmy: bit rude if you don't know what is 'cause you've been spending loads of time posing for it Jimmy: means I'm shit at that too Janis: huh, no Janis: that makes perfect sense Janis: you do take a good snap Janis: also why they all thirsting, casual personal photographer 🙄 oh ladies Janis: not that you ain't fit too but you know Jimmy: we all know what the real attraction is Jimmy: keep getting more #goals me Jimmy: shame I had to be in 'em or I could've taught Mia about angles and improved her story even more Jimmy: you fucked up there, mate Jimmy: should've gone with Pete and let me film it Janis: full package, babe Janis: didn't feel like a shame, trust me Janis: though your desire to make money outta me making more and more sense #starvingartist Janis: you're the one that'll have to edit out his cum face Jimmy: hang on, you can let me know what this feels like Jimmy: [dramatic gym kiss hello] Janis: Well Jimmy: unconvincing Jimmy: [kisses her again because] Janis: Jimmy Janis: if you don't stop I'll have to start something right here Jimmy: nowt you've just said is making me want to Janis: I know Janis: Why do I want you this bad, fuck Jimmy: 💔 why wouldn't you, dickhead Janis: Shh it ain't personal Jimmy: what is it then? Jimmy: you said me Janis: I meant Janis: I don't know, this ain't exactly what I do everyday Jimmy: it should be Jimmy: you're good at it Janis: you Jimmy: us maybe Jimmy: it works Janis: Yeah Janis: that's what I mean, I think Janis: it's weird but it just does Janis: really good Jimmy: Like I said, you're weird Jimmy: 'course you like it Janis: why am i weird Jimmy: 'cause you're just Jimmy: different Jimmy: from them, from what I thought you were Jimmy: I don't know Janis: i cannot believe you thought i was one of them Janis: 😂 in what world Jimmy: not your sister, the collective them of this whole town Jimmy: you're just more like someone from before Jimmy: I can't explain it alright, shut up Janis: It's alright Janis: [Kisses him] Jimmy: we gotta go Jimmy: I can't stay here doing this and not Jimmy: I can't even finish the sentence 'cause you're like Jimmy: we just need to leave Janis: Me too Janis: Come on Janis: we just need to Janis: yeah Jimmy: yeah Janis: [On bus 'cos they can't keep kissing the entire time without anything happening so reprieve] Janis: I didn't think this would happen Jimmy: why? Janis: well, you know,you were kinda a dickhead, i'm kinda a dickhead all the time Janis: this wasn't the first logical conclusion to jump to Jimmy: sort of is Jimmy: we're both dickheads Jimmy: #matchmadeinheaven Janis: 😏 when you put it in words it sounds logical Janis: grace reckoned you were using me to get to her and i knew that weren't the truth but idk Jimmy: I know what it is, you reckoned I'd be a shit kisser all big ego & worse chat Jimmy: thought you'd have to suffer through it Janis: pretty much Janis: spot on Jimmy: not the first time I've made that impression Jimmy: or proved it wrong Janis: i bet Janis: wouldn't be the first time i'd suffered through so you know Jimmy: really? Janis: 'course Janis: hasn't everyone? Jimmy: gimme names I'll put them on blast Jimmy: twitter campaign with my newly unlocked account Janis: 😂 productive Jimmy: if one is Mia especially Janis: Christ, as much as she wants to turn me so she can be vindicated in her gaybashing Janis: hell no Jimmy: her teeth could fall out & choke you Jimmy: #goals Janis: 🤢 Janis: she can't be a good lay, I don't get it Jimmy: she isn't, I can tell Jimmy: just an effortless catch Janis: yeah? guess if you ain't yourself, ideal girl Jimmy: she'll be one of those girls who just lies there Jimmy: makes you do everything & then slates you for it Janis: exactly, 'cos heaven forbid you try and chat shit back Jimmy: why is your sister friends with her? I don't get that Janis: bitches of a feather Jimmy: but when she comes in on her own she's like Jimmy: shy Jimmy: nice in a 'don't you dare look at me' way Janis: meh, she's a co-dependent Janis: always has been Jimmy: is that like a twin thing? Janis: fuck off, I don't need her Janis: see me with a Mia to chase around like a puppy? Jimmy: nah, I mean like, she needs you but you don't need her so there's Mia ready Janis: idk, maybe Janis: i think anyone can be like that, some people can't hack being alone but it probably done help that she weren't even in the womb, yeah 🙄 Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: my brother & sister need me Jimmy: it's exhausting but I can't not do it Janis: they are kids though, that's excusable, like Janis: still hardwork, no doubt Jimmy: Cass ain't much younger than me though Janis: yeah but gracie has two perfectly lovely parents and an array of brothers and sisters and various fam about, if she's that arsed, know what i mean Janis: being close makes sense when its small like you gotta Janis: she don't need to be how she is on me Jimmy: I'm being a dickhead & you're being spot on Jimmy: I just want her to settle in, you know what I mean Janis: you're alright, most people think it 'cos loads of twins are freaky joined at the hip, so that's what she reckons she wants too but tough shit, you know, didn't ask to be born with her Janis: 'course Janis: it must be shit Janis: she'll be alright, it's that age where everyone's sorta stil mates, not dead separate Janis: she can hold her own Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: least my dad timed it better for them than he did for me Janis: you know Janis: parents are cunts Janis: our older sister had to do so much for us 'til she got sick of and fucked off basically Jimmy: hang on while I tweet that wisdom & @ him Jimmy: yeah he has twitter honestly Janis: cringe Janis: probs subtweeting 'bout me this morning like 👋 Jimmy: I don't reckon he knows what he's doing on it Jimmy: just wants to tell his girlfriends how relevant he stays Janis: can't really slide into someone's fucking linked in Janis: 'less it's with a business offer Jimmy: he does like to mix business and pleasure Jimmy: many an office romance Janis: 😬 Janis: always a good idea Jimmy: I told you, keeps jobs only slightly longer than he does lasses Jimmy: it's all connected, mate Janis: effort Janis: least i can ask to move seats Janis: can't be like, sack debbie from accounts bye Jimmy: don't be trying to have me expelled when school starts Janis: alright, thought you'd be buzzin' but i'll go Janis: cba Jimmy: I wanna go 'cause its bollocks not 'cause they've told me to Jimmy: more of a fuck you to my dad that way Janis: rebel with a cause okay 😍 Jimmy: I'm just saying he'd love it if I got kicked out so he can pretend he's right about what a waste of space I am Jimmy: like I don't do everything he can't be bothered to Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: seriously though Janis: that's just shitty adult speak for 'do my job for me' Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: I keep telling him that I reckon Bobby needs to like talk to someone or some shit but nah, I'll do the work for free Jimmy: qualified fucking child therapist me Janis: duh, got that PHD done between CG and school and full-time childcare Janis: 'cos when nothing happens, or only bad does, can blame you Janis: not deal with how some of it's likely on him Janis: and sorting it fully is, what can you do, or poor Bobby Jimmy: just worry bout him all the time 👍 Jimmy: tah dad really helpful Janis: useless, all parents are Jimmy: didn't wanna sleep in my own bed or get a decent night of it anyway Jimmy: it's fine Janis: but if you complain, you're selfish, yeah? when it ain't complaining for sake of, you just want something actually done Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: & fucked if I wanna stay with you or have you over Jimmy: how dare I Janis: how wild, a teenage boy with urges Janis: right for him though 'cos his roof and all that Jimmy: & new house new rules Jimmy: 'cause that makes sense Janis: 🙄 Janis: only stupid people would have kids, that's my theory Janis: if you had a brain, and could be sorta in change of another human, you wouldn't want to Jimmy: @ Barry next time, babe Janis: fuck you Barry, coming for your mans too and what Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: how do you do that? Jimmy: make me laugh when everything is still shit Janis: Just my renowned personality that Janis: everyone reckons, like 😏 Jimmy: [kisses her 'cause he does reckon, sorry bus peeps] Janis: Welcome Jimmy: when I don't say it that means you don't either, dickhead Janis: soz, new to this friends malarkey, like Jimmy: #friendzoned Jimmy: 💔 Janis: shut up Janis: you need reminding of what we're about to do Jimmy: maybe Jimmy: I do need to shut up & stop throwing my emotional baggage at you, very ungoals Janis: [Kisses him for the reminder and 'cos] Janis: Not to shut you up 'cos nah Jimmy: a bit Jimmy: but its alright Janis: got plenty of baggage to throw at you should you ever wanna even that score Janis: but I ain't telling so far as the world is concerned we're both 🥇 Jimmy: It's like I said last night, I don't mind talking to you but not this second Jimmy: I just want Janis: What? Jimmy: just kiss me again Janis: [More] Jimmy: I'm not saying tah Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 😏 Janis: Glad to hear that ain't what you say after Janis: would have been a struggle to act my way over that Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: what was it you said? Very polite very un me Janis: Something like that Jimmy: I'll try & call you by the right name though Jimmy: not let any Barry's slip out Janis: 😑 please try Janis: no convincing myself I heard you wrong Janis: ego can't hack that, like 🤷 Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: 🖕 Janis: could at least give me false promises now, boy Jimmy: no fake shit Jimmy: not for this Janis: deal Jimmy: [kisses her again cos yolo bitches] Janis: that was real? Janis: shit Jimmy: or how we make deals in the north, Irish girl Jimmy: figure it out Janis: 😏 as amusing as the mental image of business bro dickheads getting off with each other literal to seal a deal is Jimmy: you're welcome Jimmy: just don't think about my dad or we've got a problem Janis: no danger Janis: safe to say the feeling's mutual too Jimmy: least you'll be long rid of me before I start to look like him Jimmy: again, welcome Janis: 👍 Janis: baz can have you back Jimmy: he'll be dead Jimmy: come on Jimmy: life expectancy of 61 up north & that's if you try Janis: 😂 whoops Janis: pine then bitch Jimmy: 💔🎻 Jimmy: black's my colour anyway so sorted Janis: mhmm, buzzin' for it, I know Janis: welcome again Janis: i really fucked your neck up didn't i [touches] Jimmy: I okayed it before & during, didn't I? Janis: okayed during is an understatement but i'll allow it Janis: save your blushes Jimmy: I didn't have the blood spare for 😳 Janis: such a waste Janis: all the times you've turned me on in public Jimmy: how many? you can round up or whatever school ain't started Janis: Let me think Janis: I don't know, every time we've met up, before you've even kissed me half the time Janis: sometimes just when we've been talking like this, you're hot Jimmy: Where are we if we stop the bus and get off right now? Jimmy: 'Cause I really want to properly turn you on now you've said that Janis: Umm no neighbourhood I know, babe Janis: we've got all afternoon Janis: patience 😘 Jimmy: I'm too northern for that Janis: Excuse for everything 😏 Jimmy: if I'm gonna be dead in 40 odd years that's the only excuse I need Janis: Cheery 😉 Janis: go on then Janis: don't waste any more time, see how turned on I am now [moves hands winkwonk] Jimmy: [saucy activities ensue like I'm surprised ruster don't appear like don't steal our thunder bitch] Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: ?? Janis: just practicing Janis: can't say it out loud right now Jimmy: practicing trying to kill me, yeah? alright Janis: you don't need no practice, clearly Jimmy: #muse remember Janis: you're good let's do this all day Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: if I get cramp and can't sling a latte tomorrow, on your head Janis: what do i care, i don't drink 'em Janis: 😈 Jimmy: that's the most #goals thing you've ever said to me Jimmy: as far as my personal ones go Janis: the ones we're keeping off the 'gram Jimmy: yeah Janis: do need to think of a non-cringe way to hype up how good you are though, don't get it twisted ladies 😍 Jimmy: while you're thinking Jimmy: [keeps being a saucy bastard cos no chill] Janis: Oh my God Janis: please, I need to bite you some more Jimmy: shit, I've never heard you say please before Jimmy: real or fake Janis: too real, you got me polite as you want, come on or this bus is gonna hear my prettiest too Jimmy: 😍 Jimmy: alright Janis: you taste so Jimmy: if its anything like how you taste then I Janis: i wish we had more time i just wanna climb on top of you and Janis: but we're about 3 stops away now Jimmy: [moves her himself 'cause he's cheeky like that] Jimmy: and what? Janis: fuck me Janis: we're gonna get in trouble Jimmy: that's the plan Jimmy: I'll get in trouble for you, it don't matter Jimmy: if anyone asks I'll just say it's all fake Janis: you feel pretty real under me right now Jimmy: you feel Jimmy: I thought I liked kissing you but this is Janis: I want it all Janis: so fucking much I didn't know I could this bad Jimmy: like you said, we've got all afternoon Janis: not long enough Janis: it's a start Jimmy: warn me if you're gonna say shit like that so I can warn everyone on this bus how I'll react Janis: Not sorry Janis: only sorry it's not School time so we could bunk and have all day without feeling bad Jimmy: excuse me while I turn it into a laugh/cry 🎭 Jimmy: don't mind me everyone, rehearsing my death scene Janis: They're all impressed, can't hide it Janis: 🥇 Jimmy: impressed by you Jimmy: you look Janis: Nah only you Jimmy: take the compliment, Janis Janis: Okay Janis: as you remembered my name, like Jimmy: I said I'd try Janis: I'm impressed by your efforts too, don't worry Janis: not gonna go unrewarded Jimmy: [kisses just because] Janis: How do you do that Jimmy: what? Janis: make kissing Janis: good Jimmy: I told you, you're good at it Jimmy: I take pretend it's all me Jimmy: can't* Janis: Suppose so Janis: doesn't say much for everyone else I've kissed but maybe I was shit then Jimmy: like I said, gimme the list Jimmy: they must've been fucking it up 'cause you're Jimmy: you're just not shit Janis: thanks Janis: sorry everyone but not really, ain't that deep Jimmy: were you really surprised when we first kissed or just me Janis: No, I was like Janis: you're gonna think I'm cringe or just saying it but I didn't know it could feel like that Janis: that's why it's got me thinking on everyone else, like what the fuck lads, why were you holding out Jimmy: I get it, I didn't expect it to feel like this either Jimmy: fuck you, Barry, honestly Janis: 😂 Janis: For real Janis: like, it wasn't even 'cos I thought you'd be shit really Janis: idk Janis: weird Jimmy: I didn't think you'd be shit Jimmy: for the record Jimmy: just not into it Janis: 🤷 Oops Janis: that's what I expected and intended too, I guess, just a deal, like Janis: but Janis: just feels too good Jimmy: We've still got a deal Jimmy: only it's changed a bit Jimmy: now it includes getting to finish what I started without some dickhead interrupting me Janis: Please Jimmy: [kisses her 'cause she said please again it makes him die] Janis: [Misses stop 'cos really, has to get off at next one] Janis: That was your fault Jimmy: yours too Jimmy: I don't know the stops, girl Jimmy: you've got one job, I was doing mine Janis: Hmm well perhaps if yours wasn't distracting me you could be doing your REAL job by now 😒 Jimmy: if that's what you wanna call how you felt, go on Janis: Hush, you cannot break my concentration now Jimmy: where the fuck are we? Janis: Farm town, boyo Janis: you ever fucked in a barn before? Jimmy: how would I? Jimmy: you know where I'm from Janis: idk how adventurous your life has been Jimmy: it ain't been well travelled Jimmy: til now Janis: you're welcome for the detour Jimmy: how long 'til we're back where we need to be? Janis: Only 5 if you keep up Janis: wasn't THAT distracted, soz Jimmy: let me get some blood circulating and stop being brutal Janis: 😏 Jimmy: 👍 lets go Janis: Do your best to sneak, yeah, God knows who's about Jimmy: easy for you to say, still so quiet on that bus somehow Jimmy: like a horny mute Janis: piss off Janis: that's such an unsexy thing to call me you bastard Jimmy: calm down Jimmy: it's impressive Janis: it's just self-control Jimmy: what's it gonna take to make you lose it? Janis: Maybe you'll find out Jimmy: I will Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: if it takes me longer than this afternoon, then fine Janis: you wanna do this again Janis: not this exact scenario, detour included like Jimmy: do you? Janis: you always do that Janis: answer questions with questions Janis: sly Jimmy: that still ain't an answer from you Janis: yeah Janis: i wanna Janis: i like it Jimmy: I like you Jimmy: don't be weird about it Jimmy: weirder Janis: forever a dickhead Jimmy: piss off it's a compliment, how many times Janis: 😂 okay okay Janis: i get it, you like weird Janis: i like dickheads, namely you though Jimmy: bet you love yourself, you massive dickhead Jimmy: I like you & you happen to be weird, it's not a fetish or owt Janis: do actually 💪 Janis: got my own name tattooed on my arse, like Jimmy: 📷 one for the insta then Jimmy: least it'll help me remember it Janis: That's why I got it Janis: saves a conversation Jimmy: stop making me laugh Jimmy: trying to be mad at you for making us miss our stop Janis: you know you can't be mad at this face Janis: or this arse Jimmy: [kisses her and touches the booty 'cause true] Janis: See Janis: 😍 Jimmy: alright, shut up Janis: can make me in a minute Jimmy: I can make you now Jimmy: if you're gonna keep on Janis: Back to being mute Janis: thought you wanted to hear some noise, contrary Jimmy: leave it out Janis: 🤐 Janis: ❓ Jimmy: [starts being saucy to try and get her to make noise] Janis: You know how much I like to win, yeah? Jimmy: as much as me Janis: Oh baby Janis: you wish 😏 Jimmy: I know Jimmy: [cranks his naughty behaviour up a notch which makes me lol like where even are you lads? calm down] Janis: You know I have to live 'round here, right Jimmy: you do, I don't Jimmy: you know how to make me stop Janis: Bastard Jimmy: just stop holding it in Janis: I don't know if I'll be able to stop if I do Jimmy: I don't want you to stop Jimmy: do you? Janis: No but Jimmy: you want everything, gimme this Jimmy: [more sauciness 'cause] Janis: [is loud, hopefully no one is about lol] Jimmy: Fuck Jimmy: you really were holding out on me, weren't you? Janis: It's just Janis: embarrassing Jimmy: It's just amazing Janis: No bullshitting? Jimmy: I said I wouldn't Janis: Okay good Jimmy: You're so hot Jimmy: how you look, feel, taste, sound Jimmy: I just want it Janis: You're Janis: I don't know why but I'm not gonna question it because I want you just as much Janis: More Jimmy: [more kisses] Janis: We need to keep walking Jimmy: yeah Janis: I don't want to either but I need you to fuck me so Jimmy: It's alright, I need it too Jimmy: we can do this Janis: 💪 Jimmy: 🥇

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mysynthfetish · 5 years

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Um, Yeah.

Well it's damn near March already. What the hell? Where does the time go?

The whole world is in a huff about COVID-19, and here in Japan too, obviously, but people are in full-on freakout mode. First thing they did was go on a panic-buying-spree of masks, like surgical masks, you know, the ones everyone here wears when it's either flu or hay fever season. So, there's a shortage of masks now. "ONE BOX PER CUSTOMER!!" signs at the shops with any remaining stock. For me, the funniest thing is that masks do not prevent the wearer from catching a virus. The seal around the face is not perfect, so guess what, shit don't work. Unless you strap on a military grade chemical warfare motherfucker of a mask, like with the filter cans and shit? Nope. I mean, even the homepage of the WHO where you can find a coronavirus FAQ says so ("BUT THE WHO IS CONTROLLED BY THE UN AND THEY'RE SECRETLY OUT TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD SO YOU CAN'T TRUST THAT!!!!" yeah yeah yeah. Shame. On. You). But nahhhh who cares about actually using your head and thinking about how viruses spread. See, the masks work (sorta) when worn by people already infected, as they trap most of the fun stuff ejected by a sneeze or a cough. Not all of it. We can still hope for some fun to be shared among the general populace can we not? Ahhh but it's easier to be a total idiot and follow the herd mentality and panic-buy useless shit. Then there was the fiasco with the cruise ship and not letting passengers disembark, and then it turns out a number were let off without having to go through screening, but the Chinese are still being confined to quarters blah blah blah. Jeeezus Fucking Christ EVERYTHING is made in China anyway, from rubber dog shit to the (probably) fake ICs in your military hardware to your beloved smartphones and related devices, shit, even the incessant machine-diarrhea geyser of clone synths too, so what the hell is the big deal about a potentially pandemic-level megavirus every few years? Chinavirus. Next in the ongoing series. Personally, I don't really care where the viruses originate, and to tell the truth, I get a warm feeling inside when people lose their shit over stuff like this, and even warmer when the death toll rises and rises. Can't think of a better species to get a good culling than the old homo sapiens. Heh. Mister Misanthrope at your service! But anyway.....

Found this ancient beast sitting forgotten and forlorn in a closet at work. It's a Luxman 38FD "High Fidelity Stereo Integrated Amplifier" made around 1970 (like me!). It is in near fucking mint condition. HEAVY. AS. FUCK. And the winningest part of the whole thing besides it being destined for the Big Garbage pile and as a result free for the taking? IT WORKS. Oh, and even better...

IT'S A VACUUM TUBE AMP!!! Those are the main tubes, 50CA10, pretty much but not totally unobtanium. Yeah, they fucking glow a warm orangey red, and after a bit you can see blue vapor inside. Well, if you turn off all the lights and take the top cover off. It runs hot as fuck too. I was just shocked the thing worked. It's sitting comfortably atop the desk in the lair, where you'd normally park a printer, with a pair of Yamaha NS-100X speakers on risers above it. Sounds great. There's considerably more noise (hiss?) than a modern amp, but with the volume knob raised to about 10 o'clock, it's already loud enough that the hiss isn't even a consideration anymore, and any louder would be asking for trouble with the neighbors. I can't believe it because the amp is supposed to be a mere 30 watts per channel. I guess 30 watts from vacuum tubes is a hell of a lot different from even triple that from a modern amp. LOUD!!! So yay me.

Oh and speaking of viruses....

I was watching this one on the auction for about a month and a half. The opening bid started out at around $1700 but nobody bid, and the auction ended, and one option here on the yahoo auction is for an automatic re-listing with the opening bid discounted by a certain percent. I watched for a while, then just when I'd forgotten about it, it came up in the look-at-me feed and the price was down to a grand so I bid on it and won. I had one of these before and regretted selling it, thus the TI Polar in my arsenal now, but the 61-key TI has THE BEST keys ever. Feels so good to play. Fatar! I thought yeah ok I'll just say see ya to the Polar and call it even. But... Hmm... Wait... One thing led to another and in the end I decided to keep both the viruses and... and...... and...... sell the ION. Say WHAT?!?! After all the work and repairs and maintenance and customizing LEDs and and and and.... Yeah. It's a hell of a synth, no doubt about it, but I think anything with the Alesis logo on it has a very definite shelf-life. The pots are gonna go, a few are acting up already, and those are unobtanium unless you wanna shell out the dosh and buy from syntaur. You can't get NOS pots either. So... After some serious deep-thinking and careful consideration and deliberation I had to say to myself, "self, it's a wonderful machine capable of some great sounds, but it's only 8-voice polyphonic, there are barely any effects to mention, ok sure the mod matrix and plethora of filter models and waveshaping are fantastic, but you know how ridiculously MORE powerful the Virus TI is almost every respect!" And I admitted defeat. To myself. Weird, I know. But there you go. I don't think I know anyone with two Virus TI (or TI2) synths in their collection. Maybe Anthony Rother. I know he has two IONs.

Ahhhh but this 61-key virus wasn't without problems. Uh, well, OK one BIG problem. The power supply shat itself when I turned it on for the first time. The LCD sorta flashed, there was a brief sign of life with some of the LEDs, but then blip! Nothing. Aaaaargh! Unseat the power cable, reseat it, try again. Nothing, just a high-pitched whine that was getting louder. I put my head up against the front panel, listening for where the whine was coming from, and figured out it was the far right side. That's where the PSU is. Then suddenly the sound changed to a higher pitch that swept downwards over the course of a few seconds, all the while sputtering like it had a downward sawtooth filter on it, then POP! No more sound. When I opened the case up, I immediately remembered that for whatever reason, Access decided to go with a PSU like you'd use with a laptop computer, the big brick-like deals, and that they'd carefully bracketed the brick in so that the eyeglass-socket for the plug lined up with the hole in the rear panel. OK so all I needed to do was find a same-rating PSU and then go about modding the bracket so cosmetically it would look from-the-factory. Incidentally, I contacted Access and asked about parts, but the rep said they don't have any more PSUs for the TI series, only ones for the TI2 series, and that they aren't the same size so when they do the repair, they put a DC jack on the rear panel and the PSU gets left out—goes from internal to external if you catch my drift. Well, no thank you, I do not care for that approach, no sir, I didn't wanna go that route at all. So, thanks to having access to a drill press and diamond-saw dremel tools at work, I made the necessary mods to the bracket, padded it a bit so it would securely hold the new PSU in place, and in the end you can't tell it isn't a factory PSU (from the outside). Yay me, part two.

This is the bracket, post choppy-grindy. Yeah so I "secured" the cabling with Scotch 33+... Hey, from the factory it was held down with hot glue!

Yeah that's where it attached to the PCB. CHEEKY!!!!!!!

Not bad, right? You'd never know. But I've told you, so now you know. Oh and the PSU was $22 from a local parts chain (Marutsu). I think Access wants about $50 but I think that includes free shipping anywhere in the world. I'm just glad it's working fine now.

Other goings on... I've sold the Timeline and Space pedals, and used part of the proceeds to pick up a Sony DPS-D7 delay and a DPS-R7 reverb to use in their place. But the D7 had a wonky input knob that actually broke off in my fucking hand the second time I went to use it. That pot is super unobtanium, so I thought I'd just epoxy the broke-off-bit and not worry about separately controlling the input levels for the L and R channels (does anyone even DO that?)... Here's the pot.

Even after it was epoxied back together, it was fucking bent as fuck. Red line shows the angle, blue arrow shows where the epoxy ghetto fix went down. I saw another D7 listed as-is for $10 and nobody bid so I won it, and I had intended to just cannibalize the pot, but it turns out that it has a newer OS and it works fucking fine, so that was kind of a head-scratcher. People are weird. This delay is stupid deep. There's a multi-tap algorithm that has like 40 separately programmable taps, each with its own level, pan, feedback, and all that. The reverb (R7) is just as insane with parameters... Dudes, and dudettes, seriously, you need some deep-sea rated scuba gear to really get to grips with these Sony DPS motherfuckers. DEEEEEEEEEEEP AS FUCK. I've owned these before too. Had the F7 Filter too. That thing had a 40-band vocoder and a multi-part digital drum synth in it!? Man I think the engineers at Sony had access to some GOOD drugs back when they were working on this line of effects processors. Seriously. I mean, I love programming, but even I was intimidated by the sheer amount of programmability in these things. The ones I had before were a bit noisy, but these aren't at all. Strange. Fun shit though. Oh and there's this:

Ah fuck, looks a bit out of focus. That right there is a TOA DE-1000 delay. Rare as shit, and this one is in NEW condition. Insane! I've had this one on my radar for a while. Why? Because it's fucking WEIRD!!!! So the max delay time is 255ms or something really not that long at all, but you've got three to control: Left, Center and Right. Individual times (LEDs) and levels (white sliders), plus global wet/dry and feedback, AND modulation time and depth sliders. SLIDERS!!?? Ok it only has four memory slots, and no MIDI, but you can get up to some good mischief with this thing. Last two goodies to blab about:

Top: SONICWARE ELZ_1. What a weirdo synth. I heard that it's a raspberry pi under the hood but really? Who cares. It can do some off the wall shit. A handful of wacky synth engines, topped off by four effects processors at the end. And it has a speaker. My only complaint is no DIN MIDI, just USB and you have to buy a class compliant dealie. I suppose I should do so before I forget. Sounds pretty damn good though, and it does things that I've not heard other synths do. Built well. Fun to play and fun to program. Runs on batteries. Worth looking into. I was so impressed with this that I backed their next project (a groove box type thing it seems). Bottom: KORG AM8000R. This fucker does some WEIRD SHIT! I had one before (and its delay counterpart, the DL8000R) and for whatever reason didn't hold on to them. I think I was looking for more bread and butter, set it and forget it type effects. This was really cheap and it's in great shape. I don't think so many people know about these. Relatively easy to program, and you can get some really good, usable stuff as well as some super far out WTF stuff. The WARP! knob is good fun too.

Oh I suppose it's worth mentioning that I had an album released by Anti Gravity Device out of Tokyo a few weeks ago. Let's see if I can find a link...

https://anti-gravity-device.bandcamp.com/album/black-rainbows-agd036

Have a listen. It's stuff I recorded from about November through December last year, maybe even the first week of January this year. Live jam format, no master sequencer, wish I was an octopus because two arms and ten fingers just wasn't enough type stuff. All hardware. Fun!

So, my invisible tumblrpeeps, it's been a busy 2020 so far here. More things in the works. Keep your eyes peeled. Stay well. Watch out for number one, and don't step in number two. (thanks, Carlin!)

#fucktrump #synth DIY #Virus TI #Luxman #38FD #50CA10 #DPS-D7 #DPS-R7 #TOA DE-1000 #sonicware #elz_1 #KORG AM8000R #wackolooniness #asshattery

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