#if you’re upset about this post

[pixlokita]

I feel like ? I gotta remind people it’s ok to unfollow a blog when it upsets you in any way >> like if I ever do that sure, you can let me know if it was anything I did personally I’d appreciate it but if you just don’t enjoy something it’s ok to unfollow ;w; can’t stress enough how important it is to put your mental health first 👌

[seaweedstarshine]

Hi! Long time no yap but I've been really bothered by this thing and I know you're just the person I can go to with this (even if we don't always end up agreeing at times).

I got into a tiff with someone in a comments section of a post that was about Amy (Which character do you think deserved to become a villain? or something similar). They brought up Amy's abuse of her boyfriend. I may have tried to defend Amy (key word is tried. I am officially rubbish at debating) but then I may have said something? Because they said that I (and apparently a lot of other fans) was excusing Amy's abuse because of her trauma. It got me stumped because isn't young Amy's treatment of Rory rooted in her trauma? Did I miss the memo where we separate trauma and abuse? Am I missing something?

That statement bothered me a lot because if there's one thing I never want to do it's defend an abuser. So here I am, humbly asking and hoping to clear the muddy waters.

Your really confused and disturbed moot, Tia 💌

TIA!!!!! Thanks for the ask 💌 , and I send you all the hugs.

Discussion of abuse, trauma, ableism, infidelity, and unhealthy relationship dynamics beneath the cut.

(First off… while I really appreciate your faith in my explaining skills <3 <3 <3 my passion for traumatized characters and mentally ill+neurodivergent rights doesn't make me especially qualified to fully clear muddy waters especially not knowing the full context, but I feel you, and what follows is my informed perspective!)

Speaking generally first, harm done in media is best examined by the impact on the audience, with a different lens than harm done to real people. While relatable experiences in media can be useful and validating and incredibly important, you can’t be “defending an abuser” when the abuse is fictional. It's actually normal for traumatized/ND/mentally ill people to project onto mentally ill villains, when villains are the only significant representation for those stigmatized symptoms in a media landscape that excludes and demonizes us simply for existing. RTD can't stop people who hallucinate from reclaiming the Master's Drums and projecting onto the Master, for example — 90% of the best Doctor Who psychosis fic by psychotic authors is about the Master, whether RTD likes it or not. It's not true crime.

(This is speaking generally. Amy Pond is very much not the Master.)

Abuse is a behavior, and there can be many reasons for it, but reasons based in trauma don’t make it not abuse (some forms of generational trauma can propagate abusive parenting styles, when the parent thinks abusive parenting is normal, or lives entirely vicariously through their child). This absolutely should not be taken to mean trauma correlates with abusive behavior; rather that abusive behaviors from traumatized people are more likely to present in specific ways.

Abuse is also a targeted behavior, based in control — not consistently displayed C-PTSD symptoms as seen in Season 5 Amy Pond through many aspects of her life. Mental health symptoms don't become abuse just because they hinder one partner from meeting the other partner's needs. Any life event can do that.

Without knowing the context of the arguments, this is the aspect of their relationship I've seen you talk about before (which I also feel strongly about), and what I assume is what you were debating? So, here I will talk specifically in regard to Season 5.

We all know Amy — she's never attached to Leadworth because she never wanted to leave Scotland, no steady therapist because none of them stick up for her, can't stick with one job yet her first choice is a job that simulates intimacy because her avoidant behavior (a known trauma response) isn't sustainable to her wellbeing. Rory knows her fears of commitment stem from her repeated abandonments, it’s why he’ll always wait for her, and it's why he blames the Doctor “You make it so they don't want to let you down.”, who apart from having caused a lot of her trauma, has actively taken advantage of her being the “Scottish girl in the English village” who's “still got that accent,” because he wants to feel important, so yeah, I think interpreting Amy's issues (and how Amy and Rory transverse them) as Amy abusing Rory indicates a fundamental misunderstanding of their relationship, as well as a misunderstanding of the (raggedy) Doctor’s role in Amy’s formative self-image (which of course she works through in Season 6, but I am sticking to Season 5).

Abuse is always based in control. That just doesn’t fit here. While Amy's detachment from her real life includes things like calling Rory her “kind of boyfriend” (which she is upfront about to his face; differing commitment levels isn't abuse, though it can be a relationship red flag for both parties IRL) — her Season 5 disregard of Rory’s feelings occurs only in response to the fairytale embodiment of her trauma. It's never a response to Rory; it's a response to the Doctor, who stole her childhood and led her by the hand to her death. She cheats on Rory with the Doctor in her bedroom full of Doctor toys, drawings, models, she made from childhood to early adulthood.

(And yes, like many repeatedly-traumatized people, Amy is prone to being sensitive and reactive. Take her “Well, shut up then!” line in The Big Bang; but given Rory responds to this by hugging her, clearly he doesn’t take it as her actually dismissing him. He knows her better than that.)

And by no means do I meant to imply this is fair to young Rory, poor Rory, who's left struggling with the feeling that his role in her life is in competition with the role of her trauma (aka the Doctor). But not every unhealthy relationship dynamic is unhealthy because of abuse. Labelling Amy's treatment of Rory in Season 5 more accurately isn't the same as excusing her harmful choices — but making mistakes is part of being human, Amy's mistakes are certainly understandable, and she works through them out of love for Rory.

If there's one thing to say about Moffat women, it's that Moffat allows his female characters the same grace that the male characters *coughTENcough* have always had, to hurt and struggle and make realistic mistakes and overcome those mistakes and to heal without being demonized.

Amy isn't perfect, but she is a fully realized character, and her story gives us a resonant depiction of childhood trauma.

[bisexualseraphim]

Alright fine I’m gonna speak my mind.

My cis followers, listen up:

Being attracted to trans people is not inherently a fetish. The way you speak about trans people CAN be fetishistic, but 99% of the time when I see cis people calling out trans fetishism it’s literally just. Someone being really horny for a trans person. That’s not inherently fetishistic.

Sorry but it actually hurts me a little when I see cis people claim that a content creator is being fetishistic for drawing a trans guy with tits and a pussy, or for writing smut where a trans guy really enjoys using his pussy for sex, or God forbid said trans guy is fem. Trans people like that exist, you know. I myself have a pussy and fuck yes do I want people I’m in a relationship with to be attracted to it. And the same goes for many transfemmes who keep their natal parts, especially butch transfemmes.

Trans people are not a monolith. We don’t all hate our bodies or experience dysphoria or express our genders the same way. I swear to God cis people are all “allies” until a trans man is fem or a trans woman is butch or an enby isn’t androgynous or we actually enjoy our bodies or we have a kink or sexual fetish you don’t like.

Cis people: I know your hearts are in the right place and I appreciate that, but spouting “oh this content is fetishistic and Bad because trans men NEVER like their vaginas and are NEVER feminine” (or something equal to other trans people) is seriously not the allyship you think it is.

There is absolutely a conversation to be had about fetishising trans people — chasers in particular — but it’s quite a bit less black and white than hating certain FICTIONAL portrayals of trans people because these types of trans people exist in real life and we can see what you say about us.

I love my dick and my pussy (because I have both — are you aware we can have both?) but I saw a post today by someone I really like that actually made me feel kind of shit about myself because it was a cis person essentially saying that smut that describes my genitals in any particularly horny light is fetishistic and that really kind of hurt me. It made me feel like people think I’m undesirable due to my body only it was said in some backwards attempt to be an ally which is almost worse than deliberate transphobia lol.

I guess my point is: not all trans people’s feelings and experiences are universal. Call out obvious transphobia when you see it, yes, but please stop speaking for us about complex situations you just can’t fully understand unless you’re trans. Trans identities and experiences can be so much more complicated than what mainstream celebrities and articles will tell you and I just really need cis people to stop behaving as though the issues we face are a quick and easy fix. It never is. Sometimes the best allyship is to listen to how WE feel and take it into consideration instead of saying whatever you think we want you to say — because a lot of the time, we don’t.

[rattkachuk]

some random man on the street clocking my oilers hat and taking that as an invite to say how much he hates the oilers and it should never have gone to game 7….like yah it fucking should have? they all played their hearts out and were playing good fucking hockey??? game 7 was the product of exactly that, what are you on about???

[partiallypearl]

sharpest tool by sabrina carpenter as a thiam song…..

[smilesrobotlover]

Fun fact: calling me names and hating on me because I don’t like a thing is not going to make me like the thing. It’s just gonna make me hate it even more

[brucebocchi]

look i agree that it was horrible optics to put neil druckmann, a former IDF guy, on the game awards in the midst of palestine being destroyed, but they didn’t pull it out of their ass or “somehow” “find a way” to put him on the show despite no game this year. there was a last of us HBO show this year, and he worked on it, and it won an award for having a runaway hit in a lousy category. that’s all there is to it.

also that wasn’t even his “wah palestinians made me scared” game, that was part 2.

[loosethreadsofyoursoul]

people being anti-someone else’s ship is kind of wild to me lmao. like what do you mean you’re against something that makes other people happy? what do you mean this thing that brings someone joy, isn’t hurting anyone, and doesn’t affect you bothers you to the point that you feel the need to actively put them down and belittle them because of it? what do you mean something you could easily ignore or filter out has become something you want to loudly spew hate about to make yourself feel better? what do you want, for someone to say you’re right? because yes, i’m sure there are people who agree with you, but there’s also a much better way for you to voice that opinion! it’s almost like you can talk about why you don’t like something without putting down the people who do. alternatively, you could not interact with that content if it makes you feel so negatively. you’re not going to make people who like it switch over to your “side”; at best they’re going to ignore you and at worst you’re going to make them feel bad about themselves for something that makes them happy. i simply will never understand.

[spacespore]

HI TUMBLRR it’s me

[ruby-red-inky-blue]

hello! i mean this in the nicest way possible because i'm sure you're not trying to be mean but some of the things in your reblogs/tags recently kinda come across that way. i don't really like rebelcaptain fics or art where they have babies either, i agree that i don't think they would. but reblogging a post from someone who clearly does with additions saying you think that's wrong, or publicly talking in the tags about a specific post you think is "so wrong" when you could just block it silently, those both come across as pretty mean to the people who make those posts or share their headcanons. again, i don't mean to imply at all that you're trying to be hurtful, but it does kinda come across that way.

Hi anon, I’m sorry if it comes across as mean. I certainly don’t want to make anyone feel bad. But I do think I’m allowed to speak my opinions on a neutral topic so long as I a) don’t use any language that is hurtful (and I don’t think that simply saying I disagree with someone’s headcanon, however popular, qualifies as hurtful) and b) I don’t come specifically TO someone’s blog or someone’s post to shit over it in the tags. I wouldn’t do that. I’ve had others do that to me and it’s annoying at best and very hurtful at worst, especially when it’s someone’s art that they’ve poured their heart into, and I think it’s perfectly alright to ask people don’t do that. So… I didn’t!

These were the tags in question btw

And hey, yeah, just shutting up about something that annoys me but other people enjoy is free, and maybe I should have been the bigger person and done that. But tbh it was late, I was tired, and I’m not doing so hot right now, and I got a little salty on main - again, while making sure I don’t spoil anyone’s fun on the post in question but just by saying a thing in a separate post on my own blog, because people are allowed to enjoy things that I don’t! And I’m allowed to say “that’s cool but it doesn’t vibe with me at all”. That isn’t trying to be hurtful, anon, that is simply stating a fact (and honestly a boundary, because the idea of having children isn’t a happy thought for everyone! It can be upsetting to people for a multitude of reasons and I’m honestly tired of people ignoring that).

On the off chance this came from the op in question, btw, I’m very sorry you took offence, I obviously wasn’t dissing your hard work, skill or creative choices, but simply saying I didn’t love this one in particular and got a little upset that the post kept popping up on my dash and reminding me of an uncomfortable topic.

Oh, and if this is about the other headcanon post I made yesterday - you may be right I used a slightly too strong adverb? Small crime, I think, we’re all too passionate about fictional people here. But I did honestly feel like I was taking part in a discussion that people invite when they post their headcanon in the fandom tag, and op reblogged my post and didn’t seem to take offence either.

[the-bi-space-ace]

I’ll never understand why someone would offer to help with something, let me rely on them to help with it, listen to me say I’m overwhelmed and am just glad I have the help, then go to complain about having to help me within earshot. If you don’t want to help with something why offer? Why would you do that and then complain about me? It’ll never make any sense to me. While this is certainly nothing earth shattering it still makes me feel like a burden. As if I’ve done something wrong by simply taking someone at their word. I don’t know how I was meant to know that they didn’t really want to help. But now I feel like the asshole who didn’t understand this sooner.

[themoonunderstoodmydadjokes]

Unpacking religious trauma and abuse in therapy today in light of last weeks events is wild 🫠🫠🫠

[controversialcoven]

I hope you guys know throughout this entire election process I’m reblog going zero negativity or doomed messaging

We are here, we are alive, and no matter what happens we will make it out alive

[binders-and-beanies]

Not being able to vote makes me extra sensitive to discussions of the election tbh like. People who don’t have to fight super hard to vote don’t see the value in it, *because* their vote isn’t suppressed. So I wish that people who do have that privilege would use it to help out those of us who can’t (both within and outside of the US). But instead eligible voters just yell at us for even *trying* unsuccessfully to vote blue. Like are you happy? Are you satisfied about marginalized people not getting to vote? What is the result you’re hoping for

[museenkuss]

There is nothing tumblr followers hate more than when you make a post.

[sadgirlautumn]

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