#sorry you were in a debate about this! that sounds extremely awful.

[seaweedstarshine]

Hi! Long time no yap but I've been really bothered by this thing and I know you're just the person I can go to with this (even if we don't always end up agreeing at times).

I got into a tiff with someone in a comments section of a post that was about Amy (Which character do you think deserved to become a villain? or something similar). They brought up Amy's abuse of her boyfriend. I may have tried to defend Amy (key word is tried. I am officially rubbish at debating) but then I may have said something? Because they said that I (and apparently a lot of other fans) was excusing Amy's abuse because of her trauma. It got me stumped because isn't young Amy's treatment of Rory rooted in her trauma? Did I miss the memo where we separate trauma and abuse? Am I missing something?

That statement bothered me a lot because if there's one thing I never want to do it's defend an abuser. So here I am, humbly asking and hoping to clear the muddy waters.

Your really confused and disturbed moot, Tia 💌

TIA!!!!! Thanks for the ask 💌 , and I send you all the hugs.

Discussion of abuse, trauma, ableism, infidelity, and unhealthy relationship dynamics beneath the cut.

(First off… while I really appreciate your faith in my explaining skills <3 <3 <3 my passion for traumatized characters and mentally ill+neurodivergent rights doesn't make me especially qualified to fully clear muddy waters especially not knowing the full context, but I feel you, and what follows is my informed perspective!)

Speaking generally first, harm done in media is best examined by the impact on the audience, with a different lens than harm done to real people. While relatable experiences in media can be useful and validating and incredibly important, you can’t be “defending an abuser” when the abuse is fictional. It's actually normal for traumatized/ND/mentally ill people to project onto mentally ill villains, when villains are the only significant representation for those stigmatized symptoms in a media landscape that excludes and demonizes us simply for existing. RTD can't stop people who hallucinate from reclaiming the Master's Drums and projecting onto the Master, for example — 90% of the best Doctor Who psychosis fic by psychotic authors is about the Master, whether RTD likes it or not. It's not true crime.

(This is speaking generally. Amy Pond is very much not the Master.)

Abuse is a behavior, and there can be many reasons for it, but reasons based in trauma don’t make it not abuse (some forms of generational trauma can propagate abusive parenting styles, when the parent thinks abusive parenting is normal, or lives entirely vicariously through their child). This absolutely should not be taken to mean trauma correlates with abusive behavior; rather that abusive behaviors from traumatized people are more likely to present in specific ways.

Abuse is also a targeted behavior, based in control — not consistently displayed C-PTSD symptoms as seen in Season 5 Amy Pond through many aspects of her life. Mental health symptoms don't become abuse just because they hinder one partner from meeting the other partner's needs. Any life event can do that.

Without knowing the context of the arguments, this is the aspect of their relationship I've seen you talk about before (which I also feel strongly about), and what I assume is what you were debating? So, here I will talk specifically in regard to Season 5.

We all know Amy — she's never attached to Leadworth because she never wanted to leave Scotland, no steady therapist because none of them stick up for her, can't stick with one job yet her first choice is a job that simulates intimacy because her avoidant behavior (a known trauma response) isn't sustainable to her wellbeing. Rory knows her fears of commitment stem from her repeated abandonments, it’s why he’ll always wait for her, and it's why he blames the Doctor “You make it so they don't want to let you down.”, who apart from having caused a lot of her trauma, has actively taken advantage of her being the “Scottish girl in the English village” who's “still got that accent,” because he wants to feel important, so yeah, I think interpreting Amy's issues (and how Amy and Rory transverse them) as Amy abusing Rory indicates a fundamental misunderstanding of their relationship, as well as a misunderstanding of the (raggedy) Doctor’s role in Amy’s formative self-image (which of course she works through in Season 6, but I am sticking to Season 5).

Abuse is always based in control. That just doesn’t fit here. While Amy's detachment from her real life includes things like calling Rory her “kind of boyfriend” (which she is upfront about to his face; differing commitment levels isn't abuse, though it can be a relationship red flag for both parties IRL) — her Season 5 disregard of Rory’s feelings occurs only in response to the fairytale embodiment of her trauma. It's never a response to Rory; it's a response to the Doctor, who stole her childhood and led her by the hand to her death. She cheats on Rory with the Doctor in her bedroom full of Doctor toys, drawings, models, she made from childhood to early adulthood.

(And yes, like many repeatedly-traumatized people, Amy is prone to being sensitive and reactive. Take her “Well, shut up then!” line in The Big Bang; but given Rory responds to this by hugging her, clearly he doesn’t take it as her actually dismissing him. He knows her better than that.)

And by no means do I meant to imply this is fair to young Rory, poor Rory, who's left struggling with the feeling that his role in her life is in competition with the role of her trauma (aka the Doctor). But not every unhealthy relationship dynamic is unhealthy because of abuse. Labelling Amy's treatment of Rory in Season 5 more accurately isn't the same as excusing her harmful choices — but making mistakes is part of being human, Amy's mistakes are certainly understandable, and she works through them out of love for Rory.

If there's one thing to say about Moffat women, it's that Moffat allows his female characters the same grace that the male characters *coughTENcough* have always had, to hurt and struggle and make realistic mistakes and overcome those mistakes and to heal without being demonized.

Amy isn't perfect, but she is a fully realized character, and her story gives us a resonant depiction of childhood trauma.

[marvelnatr]

Part 2. Widows Bite (part 1 in pinned masterlist)

@your-my-mission here you go hon, tagged in next part💙

This is an 18+ book minors DNI

Aspens POV:

Rolling over to my alarm clock sounding I turned it off. Today was my first day of classes and my head was pounding. My feet was met with the cold wooden floor as I stood up to stretch out my limbs. All those years of sports did not do my body very many favors. I loved sleeping in the cold. But when I’d wake up and the AC was running shit, it’s fucking freezing. I kept the blanket around me as I did my morning routine. I made my coffee and realized the time “shit, I’m gonna be late” shoving two creamers and a few packets of sugar in my jacket I headed out the door and to my class.

Entering the classroom with a few minutes to spare. Finding a seat I sat down as professor Romanoff looked up at me from her desk. How the fuck was she so intimidating and so hot. Setting my coffee down she started speaking “All I have for you today is to look over the syllabus and to take a placement test. Placement tests and syllabus are on my desk, come and grab one of you haven’t already” I headed to her desk to grab what I needed. Professor Romanoff watched me as I picked up the papers and headed back to my desk. The syllabus was something I looked over and set aside. Looking over the test I sighed, yeah, this was definitely going to require coffee. Pulling my creamers and sugars out of my pocket I placed them on the desk and started adding them to my coffee

Natasha’s POV:

As I walked around to check on the students I saw Aspen dousing her coffee with so much sugar. Heading over to her I stood beside her “thats an awful lot of sugar miss Moore” Aspen looked up at me and chuckled “It’s what gets me through the day” biting my tongue I nodded as she spoke up “oh is this graded on accuracy?” I smiled at her “no darling, it’s just based off of completion, I just wanna see where you stand on knowing the material” she nodded and took a sip of her coffee whispering a thank you and going back to her work. She was pretty cute. I headed back to my desk and watched her as I looked over some papers. Her face focused on the task at hand. After about thirty minutes she came up to me and handed me the test looking disappointed in herself “I tried my best” Watching her I gently whispered “I’m sure you did amazing darling” nodding the girl made her way back to her desk and looked over the syllabus one more time before she took another sip of her over sugared coffee. Wanda was allowed to have caffeine up until two pm but never allowed to put that much sugar into it. Still she was not under my control and not my sub.

As time went on I was so engrossed in looking over all the tests I hadn’t realized how the class had now dwindled down to three. Two of the students were finishing up their tests while Aspen was asleep on her desk. She did look extremely exhausted. Debating wether or not to wake her the last two students turned in their tests. I rolled my eyes the second I looked at it and mumbled “fucking teamed up and took it. Idiots”. Putting those two tests to the side I looked over at Aspen. She looked so tired but she definitely wasn’t peacefully sleeping. Standing up I headed over to her and gently crouched by the side of her desk and whispered “Aspen?”. No answer, I didnt want to yell at her so I gently placed my hand on her back “Aspen hon”. Startling awake she looked at me “jesus Christ you scared the shit out of me” taking a step back I whispered “I’m sorry hon” she shook her head “no no it’s okay, I’m sorry for sleeping in your class” I shook my head standing up “nonsense, you looked tired, I’m glad you got some sleep”

she nodded collecting her things and looked at me “can I ask you something?” I smiled at her “of course you can” “is your wife’s class hard?” I shook my head “no hon, as long as you read the material and you ask questions if you don’t understand something you’ll do just fine” she nodded and whispered “thank you for class” I nodded gently and showed her out, heading back over to my desk I looked over at her paper. She did really well for it being the first time shes seen this material. I decided to pack up and head back home.

Aspen’s POV:

I headed back to the dorm and sat down on my bed. The coffee didn’t help my migraine. It’s always a fifty fifty shot when it comes to that. Laying down in bed I kicked off my shoes and closed my eyes in hope to stop the pounding in my head. The pressure on my head was excruciating. Rolling over I took some pain meds that should knock me our for a few hours before my class.

I woke up sweating like crazy. Looking over at the clock it read 6:47 pm. I am so fucking screwed I was supposed to be in class 47 minutes ago. I stood up a littleee too quick as the blood rushed to my head and my heartbeat rung through my ears. Well the migraine is still fucking there. Lovely. I put on my shoes and headed over to the classroom. Slowly opening the door in hope I wouldn’t disturb the class was such a false hope. Every head turned to me as I cringed on the inside quickly making my way to an open seat and sinking into my chair. Professor Maximoff stared at me for a second before continuing her lesson. I seriously wish I could just disappear right here.

Wanda’s POV:

I was a little worried when Aspen didn’t show up for the beginning of class. I was even more worried when she did and looked a little sick. Despite my worry I continued to teach. I continued to glance at her as I taught. She was trying to pay attention the best she could. Finally her head rested on her desk, her shoulders going forward as she relaxed. I let her sleep the rest of the time and as long as she needed until I leave.

A few minutes later Natasha came in and looked at me then Aspen then back at me. Natasha started walking towards me as her heels clicked on the ground, Aspen stirred as I looked at her. She bent down taking off her heels and finishing coming over to me. Placing a kiss on my forehead she whispered “she’s still here?” I nodded and leaned into her “she came in late and looked a little sick then fell asleep, I want her to rest” Natasha nodded and kissed me whispering “I think shes sick love, she fell asleep in my class too” My eyebrows furrowed in worry and Nat whispered “she’ll be okay my love” I nodded a little and stretched, the first day of classes drained me. As Natasha and I talked while I finished up Aspen began to stir. Shifting in her seat she looked up at me. First with a look of confusion before fear quickly flooded her eyes. Natasha and I quickly made our way over to her. My instincts kicking in “hey hey hon you’re okay, I noticed you weren’t feeling well, it’s okay” Aspen whispered “I’m okay, thank you, I do appreciate it” I nodded and watched her as Natasha spoke up “you look a little pale hon are you sure?” Once again Aspen nodded and slung her bag over her shoulder, she did not look like she felt good at all. Whispering quietly she thanked me “t-thank you for today, it wont happen again” I shook my head “it’s okay, were here for you” nodding a bit she started to head out the door. Natasha stepped forward and whispered “can I walk you to your dorm?” Aspen turned around and watched her for a second and nodded a bit, Nat smiled and put on her heels following her.

As we walked Aspen was quiet. Her knuckles white from gripping her bag. Natasha offered to take it but she insisted she’d be okay carrying it. As we got to her door Aspen whispered “thank you again, you guys didn’t have to do this” I shook my head and gently placed my hand on her shoulder and she was burning up like crazy, I smiled gently burying my worry “it was really no trouble, are you sure you’re feeling okay?” Aspen nodded getting into her dorm “I’m okay, thank you again, bye”

The door closed and I looked at Nat worried “she was really feverish babe” Natasha walked up to me and rubbed the sides of my arms “I know love but right now theres nothing more we can d-“ just as she was about to finish her sentence we heard retching coming from the dorm. I looked at her and mumbled “I’m sorry babe I can’t” turning and knocking on the door I called out “Aspen honey I’m coming in okay?”

[reveristcalicocan]

Hi!

This is my request! I had to rewrite it because it got lost :/ but I hope this is good enough!

If it’s alright, I’d like to request a Heizou x gn! reader where reader has the stomach flu and is staying home from work, frequently throwing up with a light fever, pounding headache and their body feeling extremely sore. Heizou decides to come over, absence at work was a rare occurrence for them so he took it as his duty to check up on them. He allowed himself inside after no one answered the door and found them heavily breathing in their bed, wide awake again after trying so hard to fall asleep for hours. They greeted him from their bed but as soon as they tried to get up they felt the urge to vomit, emptying their stomach into the bowl on their bedside they had set aside for those moments. They were coughing and tearing up, apologizing immediately that he had to witness something so disgusting. They were embarrassed too. He on the other hand was more concerned than disgusted, taking care of them for the rest of the day. After feeding them, giving them medicine and emptying their bowl multiple times into the toiled he let them straddle his lap and cry against his shoulder in pain, as he gently held them and rubbed comforting circles on their back until they finally fell asleep in his arms.

I had the stomach flu when I originally sent this one in and was craving some comfort so if this makes you uncomfortable and/or you don’t want to write it, it’s absolutely alright! thank you anyways <3

Hihi no worries, i’m perfectly fine with writing sickfics, as long as it’s not fetishes/kinks! Hope you’re doing better, i’m so sorry i couldn’t write this for you when you needed it 😞

THROUGH SICKNESS AND HEALTH

Heizou X gn!reader

Warnings: throwing up, induced vomiting, fever, headaches, body pain, being sick in general

You weren’t quite sure why you still set an alarm for this morning. The past two days had been awful, and today? Not any better.

Turning off your alarm, you forced yourself to get some water. You felt sick, but you knew that your body was dehydrated. Filling the cup to the brim, you took a small sip, letting the water soothe your dry throat.

Despite your multiple attempts to fall asleep, the constant pain and soreness was an unfriendly visitor. You would think about how much work you left undone, the piles of paper stacking up on your desk.

Taking slow breaths, you lay on your side, curling in on yourself and hoping that sleep will come easily.

—

Heizou once again poked his head into your office. He always did, but you weren’t there.

He found it rather weird, you weren’t one to slack off or miss work… and yet it’s been three consecutive days since he last saw you.

Could something have happened?

An unfavourable frown was etched onto Heizou’s face. He debated wether he should check on you.

Better safe than sorry…

It was a good thing you had given him a set of spare keys in case of emergency. Frankly he wasn’t sure if it was an emergency… if it wasn’t, he would not want to invade your house. But if it was…

Silence greeted him. Not even the sound of you trampling down the stairs to open the door.

Maybe you weren’t at home… or maybe you were sleeping, taking a shower… out of the house… The more Heizou thought about it the more worried he got. Taking out his phone he quickly called you.

You reached out a hand to silence the buzzing, not bothering to see who it was. The incessant ringing bringing a pain to your head. If you weren’t so miserable right now, you would have sworn you heard the sound of your door opening.

On the other side Heizou had unlocked the door, cautiously looking around. It certainly didn’t look like you were inside but he knew better than that.

Rushing up the stairs, he felt a sense of relief when he saw your bedroom door open. He was about to knock and call out your name when he realised the way you were breathing heavily. The blanket covering you moving up and down particularly fast.

“…y/n? what’s wrong?” Now Heizou was really worried.

He immediately went over to your side, kneeling down so that he was eye level with you.

“!!” Your eyes widened by just a fraction seeing him in front of you. “H-heizou… hi what are you—” Your apparent shock from his visit suddenly turned into a sense of urgency and discomfort.

Bringing the trash can up to your face, a few empty gags later and a thin stream of watery vomit was being emptied into the the bin.

The water which you had tried so hard to keep down failing you as you vomited your stomach out while coughing and crying miserably. You hadn’t intended for Heizou to see you in this state. Especially not when you were hunched over a trash can with disgusting bile spewing out of your mouth.

You muttered apology after apology, the tears falling in a never ending stream of embarrassment. Heizou was quick to hold you hand and reassure you that he didn’t mind.

Really, he didn’t. Seeing you in so much pain was already heartbreaking for him, his hand rubbed circles on your back as you cried into your hands.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want you to see me like this… I’m sor- Im so sorry!” You hiccuped, still crying out an apology.

All you wanted to do now was sink into a hole so deep that no one would be able to find you.

Maybe it was the delirium but you were half expecting Heizou to leave you alone and get disgusted at you.

“shh, don’t apologise. Calm down, i’m not upset i just want to help you.” He brought your head towards his shoulder, hugging you in his warm embrace.

His hands rubbed your shoulders, whispering reassuring words in your ear. Once your cries had turned into small sniffling, Heizou pulled away, his warm eyes looking into yours with so much care and gentleness.

“I’m going to empty the trash can and see if there’s any food you can eat okay?” His words came out as a soft whisper.

You nodded your head, hiccuping again.

After helping you lie down, Heizou did as he said and emptied the trash can, heading to your kitchen. There was practically nothing except for some cup noodles that was definitely not an option.

Letting out a defeated sigh, he only had one other choice which was to call someone to help.

—

Going back up to your room, Heizou closed the door behind him, setting down the bowl of porridge on your bedside table.

Helping you into a sitting position, he spoon fed you the porridge, making sure that i wasn’t too hot before giving it to you.

“don’t worry, i’m just going to throw the rubbish and get you some water.” He gave you a smile, letting you know he wasn’t leaving you.

After passing you a painkiller, he sat next to you on the bed, brushing the hair out of your face. You were still hugging the trash can, a bad feeling settling in your stomach.

Your fruitless attempts to keep the food down was over when your mouth started to fill with excess saliva. Heizou pulled your hair aside with one hand, the other rubbing your back.

Even after a few minutes all that came out was your saliva, leaving you gagging into the bucket. Tears stained your cheeks as another harsh retch fired its way out of your throat.

You didn’t understand why there was nothing coming up, the discomfort in your body was already making you restless.

Before you knew it, you had started crying again, Heizou only kissed your forehead trying to comfort you.

“H-heizou i feel miserable…” Your soft voice came out like a squeak.

“I know, I know. If you’d like I could try to help you…” Hearing this you hastily agreed.

Sitting upright now, Heizou stuck two fingers into your mouth, pressing down on the back of your tongue earning a strangled cry from you. You coughed a few times but that was it.

Using a bit more force this time, Heizou pressed down again, this time successfully triggering your gag reflex. Pulling out his hand just in time, you started throwing up your food into the trash can.

The murky yellowish liquid filled the can, your back hunched over in defeat. A while later your vomit tapered off and left you breathing heavily.

“Do you think you’re done?” Heizou who had never left your side the entire time finally spoke up.

“mhm” you answered meekly.

Passing you the cup of water, you rinsed your mouth, letting the disgusting taste get washed out.

You slowly leaned your body against the headboard of your bed as Heizou went to clean up the bin. Breathing still erratic, you placed a hand on your chest trying to calm down.

—

It was already quite late in the night, after a few more incidents, you were completely drained. The fatigue of not getting a good sleep catching up to you.

Heizou had let you straddle his lap, your head hidden in his neck, muffling your cries. His arms wrapped around you protectively, giving you the comfort you needed.

It didn’t matter how long it took for you to fall asleep because Heizou stayed with you the entire night, rubbing circles into your back and making sure you were alright.

[gorillaxyz]

OK HI. HI. hi yes. first off his toyhouse https://toyhou.se/25341988.george-humphry warning a lot of this is kind of operated off whats funniest the world this all happens in is kinda like cartoon logic looney tunes esque. ok so my guys name is GEORGE HUMPHRY hes a former movie star whos wife divorced him and he went midlife crisis mode BAD and ran for PRESIDENT. a lot of the actual details of his presidency need to be worked out bc his whole thing mainly focuses on after that whole debacle BUT I WILL WORK IT OUT EVENTUALLY… FOR YOU.....

anyways yes it is nuclear war and i can make nixon dead or alive depending on whatever youd want. AS FOR HIS VICE PRESIDENT. ITS. JFK. DONT ASK ME HOW THIS REALLY WORKS THEY WERE COLLEGE FRIENDS THATS ALL I HAVE FOR YOU.........

anyways ask me about george forever hes one of my favs and i love him dearly because hes so sopping wet and awful and i hate him

i love him too.

i felt compelled to redraw the first prez debate with him n nixon. idk if its in character but i feel like. well. anyone can outdo nixon in that first televised debate... also sorry if it doesnt rlly look like george AWAYAUH imthe bad at drawering sometimes lol... nixon doesnt even look like nixon here. thats how fast i needed to blast this ouyt

VP JFK IS AWESOME. i love it... does he die in ww3 thatd be sad. or does he become a war hero again ID LOVE TO KNOW EVEYRTHING abt this by the way. i woukd love to know so bad

is there like an around abt age for george anywhere?? itd be cool if he was the both the youngest elected prez (instead of jfk) and also the first ever to be impeached... LMFAO... and is he a ww2 war hero...

SORRY FOR ALL THE QUESTIONS BUT well did he have a landslide win against nixon or was it more like the real 60 elections... and super duper close??

i am extremely interested thank you so much for telling me abt george he sounds like a funny fellow... turninh him around in my head so hard.

also i would love it if nixon survived ww3 i think itd be beautiful. for me... checkers was still alive by 1960 so i hope checkers as well as the rest of the nixon familyAND DONNA AND HER KITTENS are all safe somehow...

do you know abt the black ops zombies jfk/nixon/castro etc etc map... itd be so funny i thinj. if there was a beautiful alternate world where george humphries was there too with jfk as his vp...

[taylortruther]

but if ten thousand have now heard him say he jerks off to black women being brutalized... that's, uh, very bad. / It seems from what I’ve gathered the whole point of the podcast he said that on is that they are not serious about pretty much anything they say, they’re so left it should be obviously a joke. I don’t think that it’s actually true but it shouldn’t have been brought up and I hate leftist irony bro humor. But I’ve been trying to put myself in Taylor’s shoes, like if you actually care about someone and you’ve known them a long time would you dump them over the worst jokes they’ve ever been apart of? Are the worst jokes I’ve ever been apart of or laughed at dumpable offenses? Obviously it’s different because it’s a choice to record it and let it be released to the world but I genuinely have been debating internally.

you are saying so many things in this ask that i really want to reply to so i'm sorry this response is so long lmao

i, too, hate leftist irony bro humor/dirtbag leftism so this conversation is tough in that way and matty actually gives us a way to discuss why. like, say matty said all his comments on stage and on the podcast were jokes showing how absurd and awful he sounds. ok. but if you just keep making those jokes and comments for years... am i really expected to believe you don't really find those jokes funny for bigoted reasons? because i don't trust it. and i've known enough edgelords who've shown their true colors that i'm now very suspicious.

that said, i've heard from many leftists (and i agree, to an extent) that this culture where people pearlclutch over problematic statements is extremely offputting to a lot of people that, if you want socialism or communism to actually take off, are necessary for the movement. so like. i guess dirtbag leftism has its place in theory but in practice it often seems like a way for white guys to be racist good guys.

and yeah... are the worst jokes you've ever made dumpable offenses? is it possible taylor truly believes matty's heart and that his words didn't reflect it? what's an apology look like? what would be sufficient? and if he does that, is it ok to 're-stan' or 'forgive' taylor for boing him? is there any way for matty to explain or come back from this that will satisfy enough people that it is left in the past? should it ever be forgotten? is it fair that we hold mortals to that standard that they are always reminded of their mistakes? should we try to make their mistakes haunt them publicly, since that's often the only consequence of their actions?

scary questions!!

[pippytmi]

12, 6, and 11 for the au prompt thing dude! best of luck with ur writing :)

Kara has been studying the terrarium for the past five minutes, and she has deduced that she is no closer to solving this mystery than she is figuring out how to fix a cracked blender.

This might be the most puzzling moment of her career. She debates using X-ray vision, but she’s not entirely sure what to look for, exactly, so she tries connecting via pure eye-to-eye vibes. It doesn’t work as well as she hoped; it might just make her look slightly deranged, she concludes, if the wrong person were to walk in.

Which is why when the door bangs open and Lena stalks in, Kara ever-so-stealthily stretches her arm over the counter (and pointedly angles away from the box.)

“Heey, Lena,” Kara says, voice higher than necessary. “What’s up?”

Having come straight from work, everything about Lena is severe, from the tight bun on her head to the sharp color of her lipstick, and paired with a frown directed entirely at Kara’s way, Lena has never been scarier. “What are you doing?”

Kara glances sideways at the terrarium. “Well,” she says carefully, “Conner and I have been reading up on lizard habits because Iggy has been acting weird, and we think she could be pregnant. So I was just—”

“He. You mean he,” Lena corrects.

“…oh.” Kara frowns. “Then we have no idea why Iggy is acting weird.”

“That’s—” Lena has to pause to inhale and then exhale, which Kara recognizes is a therapist-recommended breathing exercise, and that must mean Lena is in a particularly dangerous mood. “That’s not what I need to talk to you about.”

“Okay,” Kara says slowly. “So what do you need to talk to me about?”

“Conner told me you took him flying this afternoon,” Lena replies instantly, daringly, as if just waiting for Kara to contradict her statement.

Kara tries extremely hard to keep a straight face. “Oh,” she says evasively. “That.”

“Yes, that. What the hell, Kara,” Lena says. “We agreed you would ask me about anything related to—to—you know!”

“Uh, actually, we didn’t,” Kara points out. “You just said to let you know if he started losing control, and he hasn’t. I just wanted to do something fun with him because he’s been asking about flying, and I figured, we had a free afternoon—”

“That’s not enough, Kara,” Lena hisses, but her voice quivers, like she is about to start crying; it’s a horrible, awful sound, and it makes Kara wince. “I know that it’s…the thought that counts, but this doesn’t even look like you thought about it. I didn’t hire you to train my son. I hired you to keep him safe. What if someone had seen him?”

“Whoa,” Kara says gently. “Lena, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“But you did! You—”

The shuffle of feet makes Lena stop altogether, and Conner sheepishly pokes his head into his room. “Mom? Kara?” he says, then hastily adds, “I wasn’t listening. Just—in case you two are doing gross stuff—” (Kara doesn’t know if she should be offended that this teenager really thinks she’d be making out with his mom in his room). “Aunt Sam is here to pick me up.”

Lena whirls around to face him, expression already softening. “Oh, that’s right, you have that movie night with the team,” she says. “Do you have the money I gave you? And your sweater? I saw it on the floor of the laundry room yesterday so if you didn't pick it up—”

“Yes, I have everything,” Conner insists before she can go on. “I just wanted to say bye.”

“Alright, darling. Have a good time.” Lena fondly reaches out to squeeze his arm, and he grins at her, already twisting around to head towards the door.

“Bye, see you later!” he calls, and Lena sighs the instant he’s gone, her shoulders slumping as if the fight has been drained from her body entirely.

Kara swallows. “Lena…”

But Lena has begun to shake her head, and she sinks onto Conner’s bed, burying her face in her hands. “I’m sorry,” she says, once she recovers enough to raise her head. “I shouldn’t have yelled.”

Kara tentatively takes a seat beside her. “You didn’t yell…it was more like impassioned ranting,” she says. “And I’m the only one who’s supposed to be sorry. I should have told him no, or at least checked with you first, when he asked.”

“No, I…I should have expected this would happen. Isn’t that what we’re doing here?” Lena’s eyes are wet, her lipstick smudged on her palms. “Of course he’s curious. I can’t expect that he’ll be satisfied hiding who he is forever.”

“No, wait,” Kara counters. “I should have been safer about it. I’m Supergirl. It's supposed to be in the job description! Right along with, you know, sneak-babysitting a half-Kryptonian teenager by pretending I'm dating his mom.”

The joke makes Lena laugh, even if it’s a short burst of one, watery and distinctly unamused. “God. You really are his babysitter, aren't you?”

“Only on school nights,” Kara quips. “Otherwise, we’re brothers in arms against all things broccoli. And your blender.”

“Still, I—wait. You’re the one who broke my blender?”

“Let’s not dwell on specifics here, Lena,” Kara says. “But. Yes? On accident.” She clasps her hands together, tries not to squirm as Lena looks at her. “The point is, I should’ve told him no when he asked. But I…I was just worried, you know? I’m his mom’s fun girlfriend, I’m supposed to get him to like me.”

“Kara,” Lena says, and her voice is quiet, the same tone she uses whenever Conner gets too angry. “You know you’re not my real girlfriend.”

“I know,” Kara says, and she feels her stomach twist; she hadn’t realized how much she hates to see Lena so pained. “But Conner doesn’t. And he’s…He’s a great kid.”

“He is,” Lena agrees. “He is—all the best parts of your cousin, you know? Of your family. He’s so brave. And so selfless. I-I guess that’s why I’m afraid to let him out into the world like you are. Because if you start training him to be some sort of…Superboy, then he’ll be in danger every minute of every day. And that’s terrifying.”

Despite herself, Kara smiles, just a bit. “Superboy, huh?”

Lena flushes. “Well, it’s the first thing I could think of,” she says lamely, and she’s adorable, all pink and flustered.

“You know,” Kara says carefully, “just because Conner is half Superman, it doesn’t mean he’s supposed to put on a cape and run around like an idiot.”

At that, Lena’s mouth drops open. “You—you listened to me with your super-hearing?!”

“Uh, no,” Kara corrects. “That’s how you described my job, word for word, that night you got drunk off a bottle of wine and made me watch horrible bug videos on Youtube. I’m still traumatized.” A beat. “From the bugs, anyway. The ‘idiot’ part wasn’t too far off mark, to be honest.”

Lena rests a fingertip to her temple and sighs. “Kara,” she says slowly. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“About the bugs? Well, I figured if you didn’t remember, I really didn’t want you to accost me again if you knew I actually sat there and watched them the first time. Because for the record, I don’t care how scientifically amazing spider exoskeletons are, they freak me out. And don’t get me started on caterpillars—”

“Can you be serious?” Lena all-but-hisses, though comfortingly, she looks more mortified than angry. “How could you have stuck around even after I insulted you?”

“Oh. ‘Cause I know you didn’t mean it,” Kara says. “Obviously you meant it a little, but not in a rude way. Just in a general, you're-a-dumbass-with-no-self-preservation-skills kind of way. Right?”

“That’s…” Lena deflates a bit. “Pretty accurate.”

Kara snaps her fingers triumphantly. “I knew it,” she says, chest puffing in pride, “you love me.”

Lena frowns (in her practically patented what the fuck kind of frown that usually only happens whenever Kara tries to cook). “What? How on Earth did you reach that conclusion?”

“Simple! You think I should have more self-preservation skills and only call me a caped idiot because I’m not more careful. Ergo, you worry about me, because you love me so much,” Kara says.

There is a pause as Lena’s confusion slowly morphs into the most deadpan stare she can muster. “You are so infuriating sometimes, you know that?”

“It’s okay, Lena. We all know I’m the best babysitter slash bodyguard you’ve ever had,” Kara says. “And the best girlfriend.”

“Fake girlfriend.”

Kara shrugs a shoulder and aims for casual as she peels at a loose thread on Conner’s comforter; for some reason, the emphasis just makes her stomach drop. (Unfortunately, her strength just about rips the whole corner off, so she discreetly tries to hide it within the dip of his bed frame.)

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Kara waves that off, once she’s successfully managed to appear so uninterested, like the stealthy superhero she is. “So does this mean we’re not fighting anymore?”

“We were never fighting,” Lena says, and there’s a touch of guilt to her voice. When Kara scoots a little closer, Lena looks away; Kara doesn’t mean to, but she hears Lena’s heart rate pick up, and it’s…well, it gives her a little bit of hope. “I just happen to like yelling at my employees. It’s a Luthor trait, I’m afraid.”

“You know, that excuse really doesn’t work for everything,” Kara points out, and her fingertips brush against the inside of Lena’s wrist as she makes the excuse of poking her hand. “Honey.”

“Okay, now we’re fighting.” But Lena turns to look at her, and her heartbeat is so quick that Kara feels it like a burst of pure, unadulterated sunlight on her body.

“I’ll be sure to let Conner know,” Kara says, completely straight-faced. “Because, you know, we’re obviously going to have to have fake makeup sex and—hey! No pillow fights when I’m unarmed, that’s so unfair!”

But Lena is finally smiling, and her expression is soft and so very human, and Kara knows there is nothing fake at all about the way she feels about Lena Luthor and her son. Somehow this borderline-eccentric (and exceedingly paranoid) scientist and half-Kryptonian teenager have become everything, and it's worth a Star Wars pillow square to the nose if it means she gets to keep them in her world.

(Or, at least, for however long Lena will have her).

[wandaromanova]

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Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader

Warnings: (mentions of abuse and poor treatment, death, little bit of cussing)

A/N: hello! it’s been a minute since i’ve posted so here you go! enjoy! not proofread so sorry for any mistakes. join my taglist <3

Summary: Childhood best friends Wanda Maximoff and Y/N L/N fall in love with each other.

Word Count: 9.2K (whew!)

(gif is not mine)

You had a very rough start in life. Your mother had died while giving birth to you in the delivery room. Your father resented you for it. He treated you poorly and abused you, both verbally and physically. He would constantly let you know that your mother’s death was your fault (even though it really wasn’t your fault). He would beat you up pretty much every time you opened your mouth. His heavy fists would come down on your small form as you begged him to stop, but he wouldn’t until he felt satisfied. He was a pathetic drunk too. Every night he would fall asleep on a rocking chair in front of the television with a bottle of beer in his hand. He never once showed you love of affection. Your family was poor before you were born and you still were. Being poor was something expected living in Sokovia. Everyone was struggling to make ends meet and were barely getting by. The war didn’t help. The sounds of gunshots and explosions could be heard close by. When you were around 4 years old, your father had given you up and you got thrown into the foster care system.

There, you met your two best friends; Wanda and Pietro Maximoff. They were twins and your age as well. You would get bullied by the other kids that lived in the foster home and the twins had stuck up for you. You were so grateful to have made friends in that god awful place. You had gotten adopted a few times, but you always got sent back. It was as if no one wanted you around; everyone except Wanda and Pietro.

Wanda and Pietro’s parents died after a missile had struck there home. Yet more casualties from the ongoing war that was going on in Sokovia. When they had told you the story, your heart broke for the both of them. They had told you about how amazing your parents were. It was a stark contrast from how you were treated at the place you once called home.

Their parents would find ways to get sitcoms for the entire family to join. Their parents were absolutely loving and caring. It made you angry that such amazing people were victims of the war. It was unfair, but all is fair in love and war you guessed. You had shared your story with them. About how you never met your mother and your father was a piece of shit who treated you like dirt. They both profusely reassured you that your mother’s death was not your fault. You appreciated this more than they would ever know. You knew it wasn’t your fault, but to hear it from someone other than yourself was the confirmation you needed. However, you would always hold that feeling of blame.

When you all had turned 18, you all decided to leave the shitty foster home and tried to fend for yourselves. Pietro had heard of some sort of organization that was doing human experimentation. He thought you all should join. You were extremely iffy about the whole thing and so was Wanda. On one hand, you guys would have shelter and food which was something you all desperately needed. On the other hand, you guys would be lab rats. Who knows what they would do to you all?

After a long debate between the three of you, you guys had come to a consensus. You would all volunteer to be science experiments. You, Wanda, and Pietro remained within the organization which you learned was called Hydra, for 2 years. In those 2 years, you got poked and fondled with. You lost count of how many different things you had all been injected with and touched. However, you all eventually gained different powers.

Wanda had gained telekinetic powers. She was able to move things with her mind and she was able to manipulate and read people’s thoughts. Pietro got super speed that allowed him to go from one side of a room to another in the blink of an eye. And you. You gained the ability to manipulate the elements of the earth. You also had pyrokinesis and hydrokinesis. You could open up the earth and consume someone whole with your powers if you pleased. You could melt someone with your fire powers and you could blast someone with water. When people have powers in movies you think; wow that’s so cool! That must be awesome!

But it’s really not. Holding so much power within yourself took a toll on not just you, but the twins as well. You were terrified of what you could do. You could take someone’s life without so much as touching them and that shook you to the core. Learning to control your powers took awhile. Different Hydra scientists would take each of you into an empty space and have you practice using your powers. Eventually, you all got some sort of a grip on them, but you had all not reached your full capacity; you could still feel so much power begging to be unleashed.

While all of this was going on, you were in mental anguish for reasons that didn’t concern your newfound abilities. You were beginning to realize your attraction towards women. With the life you lived so far, romantic feelings hadn’t even crossed your mind. But now here you were, not only coming to terms with your sexuality, but falling for your best friend. You were extremely distraught over the fact that you may have feelings for Wanda that surpassed friendship. You had always thought she was breathtaking and felt drawn to her, but you never thought anything of it until now.

Seeing everything she was going through, the pressure of her powers weighing heavy on her, made you feel things you’ve never felt before. You wanted nothing more than to take her in your arms and never let her go. You wanted to protect her and stand by her side no matter what. You wanted to fall asleep next to her and wake up the next morning with her brunette hair clouding your vision. Those weren’t platonic thoughts and you knew it. You had always viewed Wanda differently from Pietro.

Pietro was like a brother to you. He was extremely protective and defensive when it came to you and Wanda. He would fight anyone who dared to even try anything with the two of you. This wasn’t to say that Wanda wasn’t protective of you and Pietro as well, but you didn’t view her as a sister. You wanted something more with her ever since you hit puberty to be honest. You just never acknowledged the feeling until now. You knew Wanda would never feel the same though.

As far as you were concerned, she was straight. She had never once mentioned having feelings for a girl. To be fair though, she never mentioned liking a boy either. You knew Wanda better than anyone, well besides Pietro, but still. You couldn’t believe that you were acting like a scared little girl over your feelings while simultaneously fearing your powers. But here you were, slowly but surely accepting that you were in love with Wanda Maximoff.

One day, there was commotion and chaos going on in the Hydra base you all have called home for the past few years. From what you guys heard, the Avengers were here. You didn’t have anything against the Avengers as a whole, the three of you only had a vendetta against one member of the “mighty heroes,”; Tony Stark. When the twins told you the story of their parents demise, they had mentioned that it was a Stark Industries missile that caused it. It disgusted you that the world put the billionaire on a pedestal when he was responsible for what happened to the Maximoff’s parents. Just because he was rich didn’t mean he should be able to attack a poor country and cause civilian casualties and get away with it. That didn’t sit right with any of you. You all had a vengeance. There had to be repercussions for his actions.

You, Wanda, and Pietro all stood holding hands as you observed Strucker and the room full of Hydra agents. They all refused to surrender to the Avengers. You all couldn’t agree more. The three of you shared a knowing look before sneaking out of the room. Pietro made his way out of the base while you and Wanda stayed in the building. Captain America, the supposed golden boy, had managed to get ahold of Strucker while you noticed Tony Stark make his way into another room.

“You go and handle Stark. I’ll deal with McDreamy here.” You say as you turn to look at Wanda face-to-face. “Be careful. Please.” Wanda pleads as she grabs your hands tightly with worry present in her emerald eyes.

Wanda’s concern for you warmed your heart to the fullest, but you quickly scolded yourself. She’s just being a good friend, there’s nothing more to it.

“Of course. You too.” You say as you give Wanda’s hands one last squeeze before she follows after Tony. You turn to Captain America as he knocks Strucker out cold. You quickly make your presence known when you hit Captain America with a blast of water. He’s sent flying back into the wall behind him as he stares up at you in shock and confusion. Your goal was not to murder anyone besides Stark. So you just walked out of the room and made your way towards Wanda. As you made your exit, the Captain’s voice could be faintly heard.

“There’s an enhanced individual in the field.” He says as he groans. You just smirk and continue to make your way towards Wanda. You enter a room with all types of large and small contraptions scattered about. As you enter the room fully, you notice Wanda stood behind Tony Stark himself. She has her hands up to his head as her powers infiltrate his mind. Pietro came zooming into the room and stood right beside you as Wanda made her way back to you both.

“What’re you doing? You’re just going to let him take it?” You asked Wanda quizzically as Stark summons one of his gloves and takes the scepter into his hand.

Wanda holds her finger up to silence you as she speaks. “The best way to destroy him is from the inside.” This is Wanda’s only response as you all quickly clear out. After that, you guys decided that your stay at Hydra has gone on long enough and made it out. Every member of Hydra was either knocked out or running for the hills, so you all made it out with no issues. You guys caught a glimpse of a fancy ship propelling in the air then quickly jetting off. You were really impressed by it. It seemed very classy and it was probably the most expensive thing you’ve ever laid your eyes on.

You most definitely wanted to get out of the hell hole base and you were glad you guys were free at last, but you were scared. You guys had nothing and nowhere to go now. What the hell were you guys supposed to do now? You were plagued with fear and worry as Wanda grabbed your hand gently in hers. You quickly whipped your head and looked at the woman.

“Everything will be okay. We’ll be okay malysh (baby).” Your heart fluttered at the use of your favorite term of endearment. It was as if she could sense your distress, which honestly she probably did. She’s a mind reader after all. OH SHIT SHES A MIND READER. What if she heard your not so friendly thoughts about her? Shut up she’s probably listening right now.

If Wanda heard anything you were thinking, she didn’t give you any indication that she did. This gave you a sense of relief as you all trudged your way through the snowy forest. Wanda didn’t let go of your hand the entire time. You all had no idea what you were going to do now. All that mattered though was that you guys were together, side-by-side. It was the three of you against the world; you could do anything with them right next to you.

——————————————————————————

You have no idea how you, Wand and Pietro got into the situation you all were in right now. One minute you guys were helping people in a marketplace and the next you were siding with a scary ass robot who wanted to end the Avengers. You guys were hesitant at first, but you guys had the same plan.... or so you thought.

You guys had just finished fighting the Avengers in a warehouse. Ultron, the robot you guys were currently with, needed Vibranium in order to create a better form for him to inhabit. Surprise surprise, the Avengers showed up and started a fight like they always do. You and Pietro were LIVID when the arrow guy stuck an electric arrow to Wanda’s forward. Pietro grabbed you and rushed over to Wanda. You ripped the arrow off of her and held her limp body in your arms as Pietro pushed Hawkeye.

As soon as he hit the ground, Pietro lifted you up while Wanda remained in your arms, and rushed you all out of the building. Pietro set you both down next to a rock as you sat Wanda down on the floor, kneeling beside her.

“I’m going to kill him.” Pietro angrily says as he gets ready to speed back into the building. “Take me with you.” You say as you stand up hastily just as pissed off as him.

“No. I’m fine.” Wanda breathes out as she tries to recover from the shock. She suddenly turns her head towards the ship that’s a few feet away from you guys. It was the same jet you saw in Sokovia. “I want the big one.” Wanda says as you and Pietro make eye contact and nod.

——————————————————————————

That day, Wanda had gotten into Bruce Banner’s head and made him go nuts. He fully hulked out. You felt guilty that so many buildings were destroyed and people were hurt because of it. You felt hypocritical. You felt no better than Stark. Not only did Wanda get into Banner’s head, she had also told you that she managed to get Captain America, Black Widow, and Thor. You were pretty impressed that she managed to do all of that while you just trapped a few of them and blasted them through walls.

Now, the body for Ultron was made. You had all stormed into the workplace of Doctor Cho who began uploading Ultron’s data into the new body. He made Wanda control the Doctor’s mind and it made you feel uncomfortable. You couldn’t shake the feeing that something wasn’t right with this whole thing. You were about to be proven right.

You watched as Wanda slowly made her way to the robotic body and placed her hands on it. She closed her eyes then let out a sharp scream as she tore herself away from the table. You quickly pull Wanda into a hug and Pietro puts a hand on her shoulder. Ultron stands up from his seat.

“How could you?” She asks while looking directly at Ultron in terror. “How could i what?” The robot asks from where he just stood up. “You said we would destroy THE AVENGERS. Make a better world.” At Wanda’s words, you and Pietro share a confused look. What was she talking about? What did she see?

“It will be better.” Ultron says, never moving from his spot. “When everyone is dead?” Wanda questions and yours and Pietro’s eyes go wide. This bitch wanted to murder everyone? What. The. Fuck. You knew something was wrong, you fucking KNEW it.

“That is no- the human race will have every opportunity to improve.” Ultron tries to reason, but you are having none of that shit. “And if they don’t?” You challenge the robot.

“Ask Noah.” You shake your head in disbelief as you tighten your grip on Wanda, holding her closer to your chest. “You’re a madman.” You reply as you comb through your mind for you guys’ next course of action now that Ultron will have to be out of the picture. You guys have to go against him now.

“There a more than a dozen extinction-level events before even the dinosaurs got theirs.” Ultron raises his voice slightly as if to accentuate his point, his ridiculous point. “When the earth starts to settle, God throws a stone at it, and believe me, he’s winding up.” Yup, he’s completely mad.

“We have to evolve. There’s no room for the weak.” Ultron leans down as he caresses the table that holds his new body. “And who decides who’s weak?” Pietro asks from behind you as you watch Wanda undo her hold on Doctor Cho’s mind. You watch as Wanda’s eyes go from red and back to her natural green color.

“Life. Life always designs... there’s incoming. The Quinjet. We have to move.” Ultron goes back into his upright position as he addresses you all. You kiss Wanda on the top of her head as Pietro pulls you both into a hug.

“That’s not a problem.” Cho says as she steps towards the control panel that’s responsible for the upload. She suddenly stops the upload and Ultron lets out a loud groan before hitting her with a blast that sends her flying backwards into the wall with a grunt.

At this, you quickly pick Wanda up in your arms as Pietro speeds you all out of the room away from Ultron. You guys had to warn the Avengers of Ultron’s plans. This is bigger than the revenged you all desire. The entire world is at stake. You all felt responsible for helping him, but he kept his true motives from you guys. Now all you guys could do was put your pride aside and try to fix it by fighting with the team you were supposed to destroy.

——————————————————————————

Well a lot happened to say the least. As Ultron fought with Captain America inside of a train speeding through the streets of Korea, you and Wanda had blasted through the roof and landed inside of it. Pietro was outside of the train covering the perimeter and moving pedestrians out of the way. You quickly blasted Ultron off of Captain America and he fell backwards. As he tried to get back to the Captain, Wanda moved pieces of metal to block his pathway.

Ultron stares at both of you as he pleads. “Please. Don’t do this.” “What choice do we have?” Wanda asks as Pietro suddenly blasts the metal that Wanda had placed in front of him. You quickly push Wanda to the ground as you both dodge the blast and Ultron flies out of the train.

“Can you guys stop this thing?” Captain America asks you and Wanda as you both stand up breathing heavily.

“Yeah. Wanda I need you to slow down the train. If you slow it down enough I can use the cement on the ground to create a wall to safely collide with. We can’t go too fast or the impact could be fatal for us all.” At your words, Wanda nods and her red powers begin to emanate from her fingertips and into the ground of the train.

Wanda was able to reduce the speed enough for you to create the barrier. The train crashed into the cement sending you all tumbling inside the train, but you guys got away from it unscathed.

——————————————————————————

You all were now back in Sokovia to defeat Ultron. As you all stood in the center of the city, you guys fought alongside the Avengers. There were robots flying everywhere in every direction. You hit so many robots with fire that you honestly lost count at 50. Every few minutes you would glance towards Wanda beside you to make sure she’s okay. You knew she was more than capable of holding her own, but you still worried okay?

As the influx of robots began to decrease, the team spread out to various places of Sokovia to get civilians to safety. Apparently Ultron’s plan was to raise the country into the sky and drop it back down to the earth. He’s a psychopath. Wanda decided to stay in the center and kill off anymore robots that may be lingering around. You and Pietro would go around with the rest of the team and help civilians onto carriers and fight off any robots that you needed to. However, you guys were against splitting up with Wanda.

“Get the people on the boats.” Wanda orders you both as she stands dead center in the church. Pietro shakes his head in protest.

“We’re not going to leave you.” You nod your head in agreement. You really didn’t want to leave her either. What if something happened to her? You and Pietro would never be able to forgive yourselves if she got hurt.

“I can handle these.” Wanda spoke with conviction as a robot came charging at her. She killed it with the flick of her wrist. You would be lying if you said that wasn’t the hottest thing you’ve ever seen.

“Come back when everyone else is off, not before.” Pietro let’s out a sigh as he goes to lift you up to take you with him. Wanda suddenly speaks and Pietro stops his advance on you.

“Do you understand? Both of you?” Wanda gives you that stare she always gives when she’s trying to intimidate you as she steps towards you. It works every single time as you grow shy. You became even shyer when she placed a soft kiss on your cheek, making you flustered. You simply nod your head because you’re so embarrassed as Pietro goes to speak.

“You know? I’m 12 minutes older than you.” Wanda giggles at her brother’s words before barking out a “go” to you both. As Pietro lifts you into his arms bridal style, you give Wanda a small smile before you’re speeding off at the speed of light.

——————————————————————————

An hour has passed and all the civilians were on the carriers. You had to say you were pretty shocked that you all managed to evacuate a country in no time flat, but the team had Pietro so it made sense. You stood beside a carrier, scanning the perimeter for anymore people that you may have missed. Your eyes widen as you see Clint rushing towards a Sokovian child. They widen even more when you notice Ultron shooting at the ground from above. You quickly rush towards Clint and the child in an attempt to save them both, but you were too slow. You knew you weren’t going to make it. That didn’t stop you from trying though.

As you ran as fast as you could towards the two, a blue flash of light suddenly appeared. Your heart dropped. You would know that blue blur anywhere; Pietro. Your suspicions were proven right as he stopped in front of the child and Clint. He said his stupid catchphrase, “You didn’t see that coming.” Before he dropped to the ground.

Tears streamed down your face and your heart was pounding out of your chest as you made it to Pietro where he lay, barely alive on the ground.

“Pietro, why would you do that?” You cry as you attempt to cover up his wounds with your hands, but there’s too many. “I did it because someone had to.” He muttered out weakly as his breathing became shallow.

Pietro grabbed onto your hand that was trying to stop the bleeding from a shot in his chest and squeezed it tightly. “Y/N. Promise me you’ll tak- take care of Wanda. You’re both idiots in love, but you’re too afraid to admit it. Don’t leave her.” Pietro’s words completely caught you off guard. Wanda reciprocating your feelings? No way.

“I promise I’ll take care of her Piet. I always have and always will.” You promise as you start to sob as you literally watch the life leave his eyes. Your best friend, your honorary brother, your protector, he was gone. It felt as though someone stabbed you right in the heart and was twisting the knife repeatedly. Oh god, WANDA! You have to get to her.

You don’t want to leave Pietro’s body alone on the ground. You look up and anxiously glance over at Clint who just took the little boy to safety and he gives you a nod. You nod back to him before you run off towards the center of the city where Wanda was. You made it to the center, but Wanda wasn’t there? Where the fuck is she? The air became lighter the further the city flew up into the sky. You knew there wasn’t much time. You had to find Wanda now.

You frantically search around the cathedral until you finally catch a glimpse of Wanda’s brunette hair and red jacket. She was in a bus with Ultron. As you neared the bus, you watched as Wanda ripped his heart out of his chest. You guess she knew about Pietro’s death. Your heart physically ached for her. Pietro was your honorary brother, but he was ACTUALLY her brother.

The piece of land you all were standing on suddenly began to fall from the sky. As you floated in the air, you took note of Wanda floating as well. You quickly used blasts of water to fly on your own rather than just free falling, and you made your way into the bus and towards Wanda. You pull Wanda into your arms as she latches her arms around your neck. As fast as you can, you get you and Wanda to a carrier as you watch Sokovia explode into a million pieces.

Your heart hurt watching the place you grew up in became nothing. Yeah, it wasn’t the greatest country, but it was home. It was the place you knew better than anything. Now it was gone. Wanda let out a sob as you set her down as you realized Pietro’s body was laying on the ground. Wanda’s cries in agony over her brother’s lifeless body brought your own tears back to light. You knew you had to make good on your promise to Pietro. You had to be there for her now that he couldn’t. You wouldn’t let him down.

——————————————————————————

After the events in Sokovia, the Avengers took you and Wanda in. You guys didn’t really have any other choice since Sokovia was not extinct. It wasn’t like you guys would’ve had anywhere to go even if Sokovia still remained. The first time you stepped foot into the Avengers Compound you were dumbfounded. It was so beautiful. It was like an architect’s wet dream and worst nightmare at the same time. Everything was so lavish and there was so much room. The fridge was fully stocked with food all the time. You truly couldn’t believe it. There were worst places to live for sure.

Although you were amazed by the place, you couldn’t help but feel sad. Pietro wasn’t here with you guys, he deserved to be. His death took a heavy toll on both you and Wanda. However, you dealt with your grief in private. You had to be strong for Wand; she was your main priority.

Every night Wanda would find her way into your room in the late hours of the night with tears streaming down her face. No words had to be spoken to understand what she had wanted. You’d simply open up your arms as she rushed to your bed and collapsed against your body. You would hold her silently while stroking her hair as she broke down. It tore your heart apart that she was going through all this pain. You wished you could take away all her pain and take it on yourself, but you couldn’t. So being by her side every step of the way was the next best option.

At the same time, you guys were being trained by Steve and Natasha. You guys were the newest Avenger recruits and they helped you both control your powers further. They had even taught you both hand-to-hand combat in the event you may be unable to use your powers. You couldn’t help but feel a sense of security with the two of them. They were like the parents you never had. They gracefully took you and Wanda under the wing and have been guiding you both through everything since.

A few months in, they got you and Wanda a therapist to deal with grief. You had to admit that it was a big help. Being able to express how you truly felt in a confined and confidential space made everything so much easier. The same could be said for Wanda. The therapy sessions helped her as well. She slowly became her old self and you were so relieved.

You and Wanda eventually fell into a sort of routine with each other. Wanda didn’t even stay in her own room anymore, she stayed in yours. You guys would pull all-nighters watching all of her favorite sitcoms. You were amazed that you could turn on a television and a ton of movies would just be there. Television was a luxury in Sokovia that required DVDs. You’ve learned that in America, DVDs were ancient history now.

You guys would cook Sokovian food together for yourselves and the team. Well, admittedly, Wanda did all the cooking. You just chopped up vegetables and handed her things she needed. You couldn’t cook to save your life. So, you were very grateful that Wanda was there to cook for you. You’d be eating pop tarts everyday if it wasn’t for her. Not that that would be a problem, as soon as you tried those treats for the first time, you were hooked.

Wanda was completely against that though. Something about it “not being actual food” and how it’s “unhealthy,” or whatever. Wanda even baked treats. She was just overall amazing in the kitchen. She’s so good at literally everything she does it’s kind of unfair. Yet another thing you adored about her.

Your feelings for the fellow Sokovian woman only grew as time went on. You couldn’t help but think back to Pietro’s last words. He said that you were BOTH idiots in love. What if Wanda did like you back? I mean she gets upset when someone so much as looks in your direction. She cuddles you and holds your hand whenever she gets the chance to. She sleeps next to you every night. She calls you babe, baby, and literally every other pet name there is in the book!

Well one night, you guys were laid on top of the Compound’s roof as you guys stared at the night sky. “It’s beautiful isn’t it?” Wanda asked you as her eyes were fixated on the twinkling lights above you both.

“Yeah, it’s breathtaking.” You say as you stare at Wanda’s side profile. You didn’t even mean to stare at her as the words fell out of your mouth, but you meant it. Wanda suddenly turned her head and looked at you with a smile on her face.

“Who? Me or the stars?” She asks you teasingly as she smiles even wider. “Both.” You reply simply as you smile back at her.

You both lay there staring into each other’s eyes for what feels like an eternity. The playful atmosphere slowly turns more serious as both your smiles drop. Fuck it.

You slowly lean in to kiss Wanda. You do this slowly to allow her time to move back if she wanted to, regardless of how desperate you were to feel her lips on yours.

Wanda didn’t move back, but she moved forward and closed the gap between you both. You guys simultaneously gasp at the electricity that shoots through both of you as your lips finally meet. You guys kiss passionately and it gets more heated as Wanda sits up and straddles your lap. After a few minutes, you both pull back with a gasp, in need of some air. You stare at the woman above you with nothing but love in your eyes. This was the time to tell her how you truly feel.

“Wands... I love you. I’ve loved you ever since we were little kids in that shitty foster home.” You let out an awkward chuckle as Wanda giggles at your sudden change in demeanor.

“I adore everything about you. From the little nose scrunch you do whenever you smile wide to the way you care for everyone around you. You’re the most compassionate person I’ve ever known and I’ve fallen for you.” You breathe out as you get lost in her big, green eyes.

Wanda’s eyes begin to tear very slightly as she stares down at you. “I’ve fallen for you too Y/N/N. I love you too.” Wanda says as she pulls you into another kiss. You were ecstatic that Wanda felt the same way about you. This was where you were meant to be. Below the woman you love, her lips on yours, as the night sky shines onto you both. You guess Pietro was right, you really were two idiots in love.

——————————————————————————

3 years later

You and Wanda have been dating for 3 years now and it’s been nothing short of amazing. You guys have gotten your own place together and have been extremely happy. Nothing between the two of you has changed. You were concerned about dating Wanda because it could’ve possibly changed the way you were around one another, but luckily, nothing did. You still did the same things you guys had done as friends, the kissing was just a bonus.

On missions, you guys were unstoppable. You guys could communicate without having to say a word to each other. You were always on the same wavelength. You never failed missions with Wanda by your side, but one day that perfect streak ended.

You had both been on a mission to save some hostages from yet another Hydra base. The plan was simple; go in, secure the hostages, and get out. A few S.H.I.E.L.D agents had done recon of the place before sending in you and Wanda. There were only a few guards in charge of guarding the hostages. You could handle them with your eyes closed.

When you guys got into the building, you and Wanda quickly took out the guards and you swiftly busted down the door of the room where the people were being held. However, as you got the hostages out of the building, more guards had arrived. You were outnumbered. But you and Wanda had powers, this should be simple right? Wrong.

They had these ray guns that and you guys had no idea what they could do to you both. As you knocked out and encased guard after guard with your powers, you failed to notice another agent coming up from behind you. Wanda, who was fighting off the last guard who charged her, stood in horror as she watched the man point the gun at you.

Wanda acted quickly, but not quick enough. As she hit the man with a burst of red, the ray shot you right in the shoulder.

“Fuck!” You screamed in pain as you took care of the man you were fighting before falling to the floor. Wanda rushed towards you and cradled you in her arms.

“Baby. Are you okay? I’m so sorry I couldn’t stop him on time.” Wanda said as tears fell across her face. She hated seeing you hurt. She hated it even more that she could’ve prevented it, but didn’t help fast enough.

“Yeah. It just hurts like a bitch.” You gritted out through your teeth. “Let’s get out of here.” Wanda replied as she lifted you up with her powers and walked towards the Quinjet which held all the relieved hostages.

——————————————————————————

When you guys got back to the Compound, Wanda refused to leave your side as you were taken to the medical wing. Luckily, thanks to Dr. Cho’s regeneration chamber, your shoulder was as good as new in the span of an hour. You were so damn thankful that she was able to fix you up, because that was probably the most painful thing you’ve experienced. And that’s coming from someone who’s been shot in the stomach by a gun before.

Over time, Wanda began to distance herself from you. You were extremely confused by her behavior. It started off with small things like canceling plans that the two of you had made and coming home later than usual. Then it turned into her taking the longest missions possible and not having any genuine conversation with you anymore. You saw her once a week and that was if you were lucky. She refused to take missions with you too.

The way she was acting hurt you more than ever. Never ever had Wanda acted this way towards you. You couldn’t help but feel like you’d done something wrong. But when you thought back to all your interactions before the incident, you drew a blank. Hopefully she’ll come around though, she always does.

——————————————————————————

1 year later

Wanda in fact did not come around, it was quite the opposite. You two were now strangers living together. You tried so hard to salvage the relationship, but there was only so much you could do to save something that your partner didn’t want to save. One day, you had finally had enough. You stayed up until 3AM waiting for Wanda to finally arrive to your shared apartment. And as soon as she stepped foot into your home, she froze.

“You didn’t have to wait up for me you know.” Wanda let out exasperatedly as she took off her coat and boots by front door. “Well i wanted to. I have to speak to you and for the past year it seems you don’t have time for me anymore.” You say calmly as you stand up from your spot on the couch and cross your arms over your chest.

“Y/N I’m just busy.” She says as she makes her way towards the bedroom. You quickly follow after her and slam the door shut behind you causing her to turn around and face you.

“I’m busy too! But I at least try to make time to see you! I’m the only one putting effort into this relationship now Wanda. Do you not love me anymore?” You say as your eyes begin to water up.

“Like I’ve said, I’m busy. I’m just busier than you I guess. I don’t wanna deal with this, let alone do I have time for this argument.” Wanda waves you off as she tries to make her way towards the bathroom. You refused to let her know that the fact she didn’t even say she loved you stung. But you weren’t having any of that as you used your powers to close the bathroom door in her face.

“It takes two people to make a relationship work Wanda. I can’t do this on my own; I’m exhausted.” You throw your hands up to emphasize how fed up you are as Wanda just stares you down.

“If you refuse to acknowledge that you’re letting our relationship fall apart; then leave.” You motion to the bedroom door behind you as the words fall out of your mouth. You both stand in tense silence as you await her response.

Wanda begins to make her way towards you and you assumed she was gonna pull you into a hug or kiss you, but what she actually did crushed you.

She walked past you and out the door. She paused at the entrance of the bedroom and turned back to face you with no emotion present on her features that used to hold so much love and adoration.

“I’ll send someone to get my stuff.” She says nothing more as she puts her coat and boots back on and walks out of the apartment and walks out on your relationship.

You stood in shock as a sob escaped your lips. You dropped to your knees as you processed what just happened. She actually left. She left you. After everything you’ve done for her, she abandoned you. You thought she’d at least put up a fight for you. That she would apologize and beg for your forgiveness for the way she’s been treating you, but she didn’t.

Your thoughts go to the promise you made to Pietro; how you promised him to never leave Wanda. However, you feel as though you didn’t break the promise you made to him. He asked you to never leave Wanda, and you didn’t. You fought tooth and nail to stand by her, but she left. The person you never gave up on, had given up on you.

——————————————————————————

You had thought that Wanda pushed you away because she didn’t care and possibly didn’t love you anymore, but that was far from the truth. Wanda loved you more than anything on this planet and her reason for her actions were love and fear.

Wanda left because she was terrified of hurting you. The thought of hurting you or not being able to protect you killed Wanda so she began to distance herself. She didn’t take into consideration how it would make you feel. Her own fear was controlling her. That day where she failed to save you from getting hit by thay ray gun damaged her. Seeing you writhe in pain, barely hanging onto consciousness, was something she never wanted to see again.

What killed Wanda even more was watching you beg her to prove that she cares about you still. She wanted nothing more than to take you into her arms and apologize profusely, but fear is a strong emotion that she can’t seem to get a grip on. So she did the cowardly thing and walked out. Wanda let tears escape as she left the apartment and made her way back to the compound. She couldn’t even look at your old bedroom door that was right down the hall from hers. It broke her heart to break yours, but this was for the best right? This was the best way to get you out of harms way. This was the best way to protect you from her.

That night, you and Wanda were separated, but in the same position. You both cried in bed alone over broken hearts. One felt unloved and the other felt like a monster. Wanda cried even harder at her state. When she was upset like this, she could usually run into your arms and let go as she clung onto you for dear life. But she couldn’t and she was to blame for it.

It’s unfair for Wanda to be broken over this situation. She’s the one who pushed you away. She hurt you. She walked out the door when she knew damn well she wanted nothing more than to stay. You were the love of her life. She couldn’t risk hurting you. She knew you could handle your own, with you having powers as well, but she couldn’t shake her fear. She’d never be able to forgive herself if she hurt you or failed to protect you; again.

——————————————————————————

2 months later

It’s been two months since Wanda walked out. She has been living at the Avengers Compound ever since. You stayed in your shared apartment, but it didn’t feel the same without Wanda. It didn’t feel like home anymore because it wasn’t home; Wanda was your home. You guys hadn’t seen each other the past two months, but that was about to change. There was a mandatory team meeting that you would both have to attend. That was gonna be fun, note the sarcasm.

The team meetings was awkward to say the least. You and Wanda used to always sit right beside each other, but now you guys sat as far away as possible. The team noticed but said nothing about it, scared they might upset one or both of you with their questioning. You were surprised when you saw Wanda for the first time since the breakup and realized that she was in an even worse state than you were.

Her hair was messy, her eye bags beneath her eyes an indication that she hasn’t had proper sleep, her lips were chapped, she was dressed in a loose sweatshirt and sweatpants, and her eyes were dull. You didn’t fail to notice the spark in her eyes as she caught a glimpse of you for the first time in forever. Hey! For two people who haven’t left each other’s side since they were children, two months feels like forever!

You mentally scolded yourself for still finding her beautiful. She left you and broke your heart, but that didn’t mean you still didn’t find her attractive. Your heart belonged to Wanda Maximoff; it always has and always will belong to her. Wanda made eye contact with you and sent you a small smile as a blush began to spread across her pale cheeks.

Fuck. She heard you. Good going. How could you forget she could literally read minds? Dumb ass.

After that, you kept your focus on the meeting. Steve was just talking about the team’s success rate on missions, things we need to improve on, yada, yada, yada. This was a boring ass meeting. He couldn’t have just emailed this information? Well he’s a fossil so he probably doesn’t even know how to email.

You hear a chuckle from across the meeting table and guess who it belonged to? Wanda. Of course.

“Stay out of my head.” You say mentally and Wanda seems to receive the message as her smile drops and she looks down at her hands under the table.

Okay, you felt like a bit of an asshole for that, but she didn’t have the right to your mind anymore. She already messed with your heart, your mind was all you had now. You refused to let her plague that too.

Your gaze on Wanda is broken as Steve speaks. “And that concludes today’s meeting. Thank you all for coming.” He speaks as he closes up the file he held in his hand.

“It’s not like we had a choice in the matter.” You speak sarcastically as you stand up from your seat, the rest of the team falling suit as they chuckle. Steve sends you a joking glare before he makes his way out of the conference room. As you go to make your exit, Wanda stops you.

“I know I’m the last person you want to talk to. But please, can we talk?” Wanda’s soft voice asks from behind you. You breathe deeply before turning around to face her. Oh shit she’s literally right behind you.

“Talk.” You say coldly as you shove your hands in your pockets and stare at her intensely.

“I love you. I never stopped loving you Y/N. I was just scared.” Wanda says as she looks down at her shoes while she fiddles with the ends of her sleeves.

“Scared? Scared of what?” You question her curiously as her words peaked your interest.

“That mission we went on, the one where you got shot by that gun. I failed to protect you, and it took a toll on me.” Wanda refused to look you in the eyes, something she did when she was nervous. You just stood in silence and waited for her to continue.

“I was so terrified that I would hurt you or fail to save you again. It consumed me and I pushed you away because I thought it was best. I know it’s stupid bu-“ As Wanda rambles on, you abruptly interrupt her as you grab her hands in your own.

“Wands, you could’ve just told me. It’s not stupid, I understand.” You say sympathetically as you release one of her hands. You raise your hand up to her chin and lift her head up so you guys were making eye contact. Wanda’s eyes nervously stare into yours.

“I know. And I’m so so sorry. You’re the most important person in my life and I can’t lose you. Especially not by my own hand.” A single teardrop falls from Wanda’s eyes, which you quickly wipe with the pad of your thumb. You caress her cheek and smile softly at her.

“I can’t lose you either. I love you.” You say as you pull her into a tight hug. She hugs you back even tighter, finally feeling okay again. “I love you more moya lyubov (my love).” Everything was right in the world again. She came back to you, but in reality she never really left. Thank god.

——————————————————————————

4 months later

You, Wanda, Steve, Natasha, and Sam were all currently on a mission in Lagos, Nigeria. The goal was to capture the low life Rumlow, and his men. Rumlow betrayed S.H.I.E.L.D and now the Avengers were tasked with retrieving him and putting him into custody. You all sat a few feet apart in front of a little cafe as Steve and Sam remained in a building above.

“This place is beautiful, but not as beautiful aS you babe. We should go on vacation here sometime babe.” You spoke discreetly into comms to Wanda, not caring that the whole team could hear.

“We should moya lyubov.” Wanda giggled as she spoke back to you. You caught sight of Natasha rolling her eyes. Even with the sunglasses on you could tell she was annoyed.

“Please flirt later and focus before I throw you into oncoming traffic L/N.” Natasha scolded you which caused you to snort. Natasha was second closest to you on the team. After Wanda of course. You knew her threat was an empty one.... hopefully. To be safe, you just shut up and focused on your surroundings.

“Sam. See that garbage truck? Tag it.” Steve spoke into comms as Sam sends redwing towards the truck. “That truck’s loaded from max weight and the driver’s armed.” Sam reported back into the comms.

“That’s a battering ram.” Natasha says as she sits up straight in her seat. “Go now.” Steve says seriously and that causes you and Wanda to sit up as well. “Why?” You ask a little alarmed. “He’s not hitting the police.” Steve replies and you all get up in a hurry.

You and the team quickly take care of Rumlow’s men as Cap chases after Rumlow into a marketplace that was nearby. You, Wanda, Natasha, and Sam quickly follow suit. You guys split up in the marketplace as you guys search for Cap and Rumlow.

You and Wanda finally spot them on the edge of the marketplace in front of a building. You quickly tell the civilians to get back and leave, not knowing what Rumlow may have planned.

“I’m going to go into that building and try to evacuate citizens. We can’t risk any casualties.” You say as you begin to make your way towards the building, but Wanda snatches your wrist, stopping you in your tracks. You turn your heads to face her, your body still facing the building.

“No, don’t go. Stay here please.” Wanda begs you with all her might as her grip on your hand tightens. “Wanda, I have to. I love you. I’ll be back.” You say as you give her a quick kiss then rip your hand out of hers. You stealthily make your way into the building and immediately tell people to exit the building. You go floor by floor, helping as many people as you can.

While you were in the building, Wanda was worried sick. She watched as tons of people made their way out of the building you were in. She had a bad feeling about this and she was right to. Her eyes widened as Rumlow suddenly pulled out a detonator and revealed the bomb vest he had on. Wanda thought quickly and encased the explosion and Rumlow with her powers and sent him soaring up into the air.

Her intention was to get him high enough in the sky to avoid harming anyone, but she still did not have too much control over her powers. So, the explosion happened right next to the building and destroyed it; the building you were still in. Wanda let out a gasp as her hand shot to cover her mouth. The screams of civilians were heard throughout the marketplace as they all fled the scene.

“Y/N. Baby? Please tell me you’re okay.” Wanda asked into comms, praying to god for a response from you. She was met with silence. Wanda fell to her knees and sobbed. You couldn’t be gone. Maybe comms were just down. Maybe you just couldn’t hear her. This couldn’t be happening right now, it couldn’t. You were all she had left. You had to be okay. You had to be alive.

——————————————————————————

You didn’t survive. You had managed to save everyone but yourself. You were a hero. You saved thousands of people that day.

Wanda was distraught when she found out that you truly didn’t make it, that there wasn’t a mishap with comms. Wanda had a complete meltdown, her powers blasting outward from every inch of her body as she let our heart wrenching screams. The sight of Steve carrying your charred body out from the building obliterated every part of her heart.

Steve gently placed your body in front of her with tears streaming down his own face. He kneeled on one knee and put his head down in honor of you, the rest of the team who were there doing the same.

Natasha, the woman who never showed emotion, allowed tears to fall from her eyes. You were like a daughter to her. She put so much time and effort into training you to protect yourself and others, she trained you too well.

Wanda desperately hugged your lifeless body to her chest. Her biggest fear had come true; she lost you. She once again failed to protect you. She was the one who caused the building to explode. If she just held on a little longer, you would still be here with her. Wanda knew that she couldn’t have just let the bomb explode in the marketplace, there would be so many civilian casualties, including the team. But she lost her person.

She would never be able to hear your laugh as you told her some stupid, corny joke. She’d never get to hang onto you and hide her face in the crook of your neck as you guys watched a scary movie. She would never be able to get to tell you how much she loved you. She would never be able to be there for you again because she failed you. She failed you, she failed you, she failed you. The one person that she never wanted to leave, left her; and it was all her fault.

[storiesforallfandoms]

safe space ~ corpse husband

word count: 1296

request?: yes!

“Ok I just had this random imagine idea for corspe husband pop into my head. Its kinda long but I think it would be cute. The reader gets panic/anxiety attacks too but the reader had never been able to calm down or have a safe space when they have them. One time they were on the verge of having one and corspe just held them and they calmed down and they were surprised. It happens like that a few times and the reader realizes he's their safe space. One time they were about to have one and corspe was in his room editing (not streaming or recording) and the reader goes to him and plops on his lap and he's confused and the reader mumbles something like safe space and he's just shocked and happy. Idk I think its cause I just had one that I thoguht of this. I know its long. I just want some long cute corspe fluff. 🖤”

description: in which she finds out that her safe space is in his arms

pairing: corpse x female!reader

warnings: swearing, anxiety attacks

masterlist

The first time we realized that Corpse was my safe space was during an Among Us stream. I was in Corpse’s room playing so that we didn’t accidentally cheat off of one another. The round had ended with me throwing and voting for Leslie instead of Felix, causing the imposters to win, which resulted in everyone immediately yelling when they could all unmute their mics again.

I knew they weren’t actually mad, but I felt myself becoming overwhelmed with all the yelling. My breathing was becoming quicker and more shallow, and everything I could possibly say caught in my throat. Tears were forming in my eyes and my hands were shaking so bad I could barley even try to type anything in the chat. No one noticed my silence over all the shouting, except for Corpse, who knew me all too well.

The door to his YouTube room opened and the next thing I knew, his arms were around me, holding me tightly.

“They’re not actually mad,” he whispered, soothingly, in my ear. “It’s okay baby, you’re okay.”

Although it was still a long process of coming down from my attack, I felt myself relax in his arms quicker than I normally did. I cuddled my head into his chest and listened to his steady heartbeat until I felt myself feeling better. Corpse ended his stream and both of us left the game to spend the rest of the night just cuddling in bed together.

After that, Corpse became my safe place. Whenever he was around for an anxiety attack, he’d take me in his arms and would hold me as long as I needed him to. When he was busy, I’d put on one of his hoodies that smelled like him, which did the trick well enough but not as much as actually feeling his arms around me.

One day, I was hunched over my laptop, trying to make sense of the assignment I had been given for one of my classes. The wording of the assignment made absolutely no sense, and what was expected was extremely confusing. I didn’t know anyone in my class well enough to reach out and ask for help, so I felt stuck. And, of course, the stupid thing was due in a week’s time and I didn’t even know where to start for it.

My mind began to fill with anxious thoughts. I was convinced that this one assignment was going to lead to my ultimate failure of the entire class, and I was sure that that’s what I deserved.

You should’ve started earlier, a voice in my mind was saying. If you fail you deserve it. You have no one to blame but yourself, you lazy piece of shit.

Corpse was in his YouTube room, luckily just editing a video and not actually recording or streaming. As I felt my anxiety attack coming on, I debated on walking in without warning. I needed him more than anything right now, but I didn’t want to interrupt him when he was technically working. However, my vision was already becoming blurred from a combination of tears and how bad I was shaking, so I knew this would be a bad one that I couldn’t ride out on my own.

Corpse looked up at me as I walked into the room without knocking. He looked confused, but pushed his chair out anyways to give me room to curl up on his lap.

“What are you doing?” he asked, a mixture of confused and amused.

“Safe space,” I mumbled against his chest. My shaking was already becoming less intense.

He kissed the top of my head and wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly to him. We sat like that for some time. I listened to Corpse’s steady heartbeat, a soothing sound that could’ve lulled me to sleep if I wasn’t still coming down from my near attack.

After a while, I felt Corpse move his chair back to his desk. He leaned forward ever so slightly as to not disrupt me on his lap and continued to edit his video. I watched as he did so, giggling at the parts that made me laugh, which was approval enough for Corpse to keep them in the video.

We were sat like that for nearly an hour. I had long calmed down, but I was so comfortable in Corpse’s arms that I didn’t want to move. When he finished editing, I turned to face him, straddling his lap and wrapping my arms around his neck.

“Are you okay?” he asked, resting his hands on my hips.

“I am now,” I confirmed. “I’m sorry for bothering you while you were editing.”

“You don’t have to apologize, baby. You have nothing to apologize for. You know you can always come to me when you need me.”

I ran my hands through his hair and gave him a light kiss on the nose, causing him to chuckle.

“You’re too good to me,” I said, my voice low in a whisper.

“Saying I’m too good to you implies that you don’t deserve someone who is going to be there for you at all times,” he said. “Which you do. You deserve that and so much more.”

“You’re gonna make me cry!” I said, blinking away the tears of happiness that were forming in my eyes. “Stop being so cute!”

“I can’t, it’s a disease. I can’t get rid of it.”

I giggled and kissed him again.

“Want to talk about what had you so worked up?” he asked.

I sighed and leaned back more to look at him. “It’s that stupid assignment for my class. I’ve left it for too long and now it’s due next week and I have no idea what to do for it. I’m afraid I’m gonna fail, the assignment and the class...and I feel like I deserve to fail for leaving it so late.”

“A week is plenty of time to work on it once you have it figured out,” Corpse said. “Can you email your professor to get it explained?”

“I can try, but she’s awful for responding. Last time I emailed her she didn’t respond until the day it was due, and by then I had already bullshit my way through the assignment and submitted it. I don’t even know I can do that for this one.”

“It’s worth a try. You can email her, then I’ll see if there’s any way I can help you figure it out while you wait. I warn you though, I am not the brightest person out there.”

“Well that’s a lie. You’re much smarter than I am.”

“See, that’s where you’re wrong. That’s the simp in you clouding your judgement of me.”

I chuckled at this as Corpse pulled me to him to kiss my neck. I let out a squeal as he rose from his chair, my legs still wrapped around his waist and his arms still holding me tightly.

He carried me back to his room and basically threw me down on his bed. He took my school stuff off the bed and proceeded to flop down on top of me, effectively pinned me down to the bed.

“Get up! I gotta email my prof!” I laughed, trying - and failing - to push him off of me.

“You can email later. I want to cuddle.”

I playfully rolled my eyes, but in truth I was grateful for this moment. No stress, no anxiety, just the love of my life in my arms and his head on my chest. I played with his curly brown hair as he ran his fingers gently over my sides.

This was my safe space, my happy place. And I truly couldn’t ask for a better one.

[txbbo]

I've been debating making this because this is definitely not what my blog is known for and I was worried that people wouldn't want to see it, but with the amount of shit im seeing on twitter it's compelled me to make this because I'm so frustrated.

I feel like I could make 100 posts about 'Cancel Culture' and it wouldn't be enough, so I'm just going to focus on what caused me to write this tonight - the Tommy situation. *Warning for a VERY long post below*

To be clear, Tommy has been in 'hot water' on twitter for the past couple weeks, roughly starting with the KSI collaboration where he made a joke about dream stans.

Last week, when the SBI 'exposing account' got made and twitter hyped it up, someone made a Tommy account and made a thread of things he needed to be '''educated''' on: https://twitter.com/idktommyinnit/status/1379158964148002821?s=20

I'll let you read it for yourself (and come to your own conclusion) but to me.... half of this stuff does not require a twitter thread? Breaking it down accusation by accusation:

1) 'The Mexican accent' - the clips show he is clearly only doing it when copying big Q (who famously exaggerates his own accent) and there is zero malicious intent (Big Q is also IN the 3 clips mentioned in the thread, and obviously didn't tell Tommy it was offensive). There's debates in the comments from people who think it is offensive and people who don't, so I'm not trying to pick a side. To avoid accidentally offending anyone, maybe it is best for him to stop, but the way twitter acts as if he was purposefully doing this to offend people is just not true.

2- 'Making a slave joke' - Even saying that feels wrong, because it suggests Tommy is doing something awful. Instead, they are referring to the 'bit' that Tommy, Techno, Tubbo and Ant were involved in, when Tommy and Techno took Tubbo and Ant as their slave. People are taking this vod and using it to accuse Tommy of being insensitive to Black people, but I think people are just assuming the worst. Slavery existed long before the transatlantic slave trade and still exists today. This is a role-play server - Tommy 'forced' Ant to work for him and used the word slave, which to me is exactly what was happening? People 'murder' others on the SMP, people 'kidnap' on the SMP, people are 'terrorists' on the SMP, and all happen without issue. To add, Ant is a WHITE man. Tommy taking a WHITE man as a slave is not something uber problematic.

3- 'His reply to Techno's 'murder is bad' tweet'. - I get people saying that Techno's initial tweet was insensitive, but saying Tommy's agreement to this from almost over a year ago is something notable and worth addressing is just super nitpicky and is clearly only in there to pad out the thread. It also makes me wonder what other CC's interacted with it and if THEY should be cancelled too (according to twitter).

4 - 'The saying slurs' tweet / jokes about 'whats the worst word you know' - This one I can kinda see how people might not like it. However, it's clearly a 'poke' at his friends, making them seem like bad people. To me, its in the same vein as 'Tubbo is a Tory' or when Tubbo shoots back that 'Tommy is a Nigel Farage fan'. They're obviously not, but its making fun of your friends by saying they are, and mockingly making them out out to be bad people.

5- 'Covid jokes' - People are taking jokes he made about him 'having covid' and saying he shouldn't joke about this, even going as far to linking it to asian hate crimes. I don't even know how to explain that that this is just? not a 'cancellable offence'? I'm sorry but if I hear anyone in my family coughing I make a little joke that 'they better not have covid' and I know other people do. I have someone in my family who is extremely vulnerable to Covid and if they caught it, would quite literally die, but I can understand that jokes like these are harmless. The whole internet had a running joke that we were in a 'panoramic' or 'Panera' or 'insert any word that sounds like pandemic.

This thread got a lot of attention and anything he tweeted afterwards was spammed with the link and there were so many people upset that he hadn't addressed it. I saw so many people say how 'upset' and 'disappointed' they were in him.

Going on to today, this happened: https://twitter.com/khasiid/status/1380611890104139776?s=20

I get it, it looks bad. But for context (which the tweet doesn't give), the reply was only up for less than a minute. It was obvious to me, even BEFORE Tommy addressed it in his stream (clip here: https://twitter.com/cowrpse/status/1380640046202593283?s=20 ) that it was a mistake. In the clip, he clearly acknowledges his mistake and seems embarrassed. To me, this situation should just be laid to rest because a mistake does not need this much attention, but twitter disagrees.

In case it wasn't obvious by now, the tide is turning against Tommy and people are less willing to ignore genuine mistakes and assume the worst.

Today, during his birthday stream people were clearly already waiting for him to mess up. Around half way through, he started saying 'finna' out of context and Tubbo joined in. This led to tons of tweets telling him he was misusing AAVE, and while there were plenty of people willing to be patient and educate, there were also people seeing this as an example of him being a 'bad person' and someone who should be 'without a platform'. I think people forget that not everyone has the same internet upbringing as they do. In general, I think its noted that the misuse of AAVE is something that has just recently been brought to attention. I learned about it through tiktok and stan twitter, and I don't think it's unimaginable that a British 17 year old boy (who is not active on either) has never heard of 'African American Vernacular English'.

Just for a fuller picture, today has also brought about another 'criticism' that I just had to address.

1) 'Tommy made a KKK joke' - Like the 'slavery' point, saying this is extremely misleading. It makes people think the worst. Here's the clip: https://twitter.com/ghostburz/status/1380673589612011522?s=20

Here, Tommy and Tubbo are both joking about Tubbo's 'bit' of naming his alt streams 'aaaaaaaaaa', 'bbbbbbb', 'cccccc', etc and how it would've been bad if it was 'kkkkkkkk' (for obvious reasons). That is literally it. It is a less than 20 second clip. Acknowledging that people woulda thought about the 'KKK' is not him 'not understanding Black issues', its a throwaway joke about the obvious.

Lastly, someone on twitter has made a tommyinnit (address asap) doc - https://docs.google.com/document/d/1tZEZtBzikS-EYYkssfFtwVOoFqOwCK0zhStLe6H1wCc/edit

I've basically already covered everything in this document, but I wanted to mention how extremely 'guilt trippy' the whole thing is. I struggled to come up with the perfect word for the situation, and I am open to hearing other peoples opinion, but as I have mentioned none of these things Tommy has been accused of were done with malicious intent, and some I believe don't even need addressed at all.

'slavery is a source of astronomical trauma for black people, and isn’t something to be taken lightly if you’re to look into the horrors of the slave trade."

and "Oftentimes they are the last words we hear before we die and it really is not Tommy’s place to joke about words that affect us so negatively."

Are extremely emotional words for a 17-year-old boy to hear on his birthday, for stuff that I believe has been taken out of context and blown out of proportion.

I really feel bad for him, because such a large proportion of twitter (which ofc is the loudest side of the fanbase) is angry at him and is demanding (as the document says) ''either a stream or twitter thread/twitlonger to addressing this' and 'a long and serious apology instead of a short statement pre-stream'.

We all know how twitter works, and unless his apology is perfect (which to me means apologising for stuff that he should't have to, as explained in the thread), twitter will continue with this weird hyper focus on everything he does, and it's not going to end well.

Twitter's mentality of 'putting everything this person has done that could ever be considered problematic' into one neat little thread is so unhelpful and counter intuitive. I got overwhelmed reading some of the stuff people were saying about him, I can't imagine how he feels.

I feel like I have more to say but at risk of writing an essay longer than my actual work I have to do, I'm going to end here.

[choerrypuffs]

my best friend wants to be abducted by aliens.

pairing: son of athena!renjun x daughter of aphrodite!reader

genre: fluff, angst

word count: 14.6k (this was supposed to be 5k 😌)

author’s note: hi so here is renjun’s chapter to my 00 line x camp half-blood series (i’m sorry, i know it took forever)! thank you so much for all of the support, and i hope you enjoy 💞

warning: one (1) makeout session

You are currently crouched behind a cluster of bushes, trying to get a glimpse of your targets through binoculars. 

Does that sound stalkerish? Perhaps. 

Are you actually a stalker? Debatable. 

However, no matter how suspicious it looks, your motive is pure—for the most part. 

You’re spying on Kang Daniel (son of Hermes) and Park Jihyo (daughter of Apollo), both of whom are at the Archery Range. Jihyo is showing Daniel how to shoot, encasing him with her arms as she nocks the arrow for him. The tips of his ears are so red that they could practically be a flare; you can see how flamboyant they are all the way from your hiding spot. 

You start grinning like a maniac, excited that your plan is finally unfolding. 

You had noticed how awful Daniel was at archery during a training session a couple weeks ago, and you casually suggested to him that he should ask Jihyo for some lessons. You’ve always known that Daniel has been hopelessly in love with Jihyo since the moment he saw her (it’s a child of Aphrodite thing—you can just sense it), but she’s been oblivious to it this entire time. 

Well, until now. 

Just as you guessed, sparks flew immediately. You could cut the sexual tension between them with a knife. You give them a couple more passionately-charged archery lessons before they inevitably surrender to their emotions and begin to date—and your predictions are never wrong. 

“Another job well done, Y/N,” you mumble proudly to yourself, “Mom would be so proud.”

“Excuse me, ma’am. I’m going to have to ask you to stop loitering by these bushes and stalking those two campers over there, or else I’ll have to report you to the camp director,” a sudden voice from behind you says. 

Letting out a loud yelp, you drop your binoculars in surprise and whip your head around to see who it is. You turn so fast that you almost fall backwards into said bushes, quickly using your palms to balance yourself. 

“Renjun, you asshole!” 

Huang Renjun, your long-time best friend and professional asshole, is standing in front of you. He’s wearing the iconic orange Camp Half-Blood t-shirt with black jeans, his hands tucked inside his pockets. His dark hair is parted to one side, with a single lock of hair falling perfectly into one eye, giving him the I-wake-up-and-my-hair-is-naturally-like-this look (even though it’s most definitely not true). No doubt that he’s the best-looking person in the entire camp, but his brusque personality makes him a rose with thorns. Sharp thorns.

You often wonder how the two of you even became as close as you are. Children of Athena and Aphrodite notoriously clash due to their mothers’ history with each other. 

You met Renjun four years ago at Arts and Crafts Center, which is a hotspot for children of Athena. It was your first time at the camp, and you wanted to try making a ceramic (maybe a bowl or vase) to bring back to your family as a souvenir. Of course, you failed miserably and got snickered at by other Athena kids. Renjun, who had been sitting beside you, was the only one who didn’t laugh. He even gruffly gave you some pointers. Grateful, you complimented his painting—a mix of pink, yellow, blue, and purple watercolors that meshed together to resemble a galaxy. In return, he gave it to you.

“It’s not my best work, so you can have it,” he had said nonchalantly.

Even though it was the most beautiful piece of art you’ve ever seen, and it’s remained one of your most prized possessions to this day. 

After that incident, you basically attached yourself at the hip with him. He would constantly complain about you following him around, but he also didn’t do anything to stop it. He’s been complaining for four, going on five, years now, yet he’s become your closest friend. Renjun likes act like you’re a pain in the ass (which isn’t untrue), but you know he cares about you. Even if he doesn’t verbalize it, you can tell by his actions; it’s all about the small things with him. Despite being rough around the edges, Huang Renjun is actually just a big softie on the inside. 

“—could you stop snooping around like a weirdo?” Renjun asks, cutting your trip down memory lane short.

You rise to your feet, dusting your palms off and glaring at him. “I’m not snooping around like a weirdo. I’m just snooping around on one of my projects, like a good matchmaker.”

“Sure,” he says, rolling his eyes. He leans down and picks up your binoculars, handing them to you. 

You take them and hang them around your neck. “Why are you here anyway?”

“Aren’t you the one who asked me to meet you at the Dining Pavilion for lunch?” He raises an eyebrow. 

“Oh, sorry! I lost track of time,” you exclaim. “How’d you find me?”

Renjun gives you a pointed look. “Well, seeing as how Daniel and Jihyo are your current quote-unquote project, all I had to do was figure out where they were because I knew you’d be somewhere close.”

You give him a sheepish smile. “You know me so well, Junnie.”

“The hell? Don’t call me that, it’s gross,” he snaps, pretending like he’s about to gag.

“You’re not cute at all,” you huff. 

“Neither are you,” he replies.

“You are so rude! You’ll never get a girlfriend with an attitude like that!” You place your hands on your hips.

“I’ll live,” he says, shrugging. 

You don’t know much about Renjun’s love life because he refuses to tell you anything; he’s like a stubborn clam that won’t open up. However, he’s made it very clear that he does not want your assistance when it comes to finding romance. Obviously, it hasn’t stopped you from trying, but this is one of the few things you can’t seem to make him give in to. 

Yet.

“Whatever,” you sigh. “Let’s go eat.”

The two of you walk to the Dining Pavilion, which is a relatively long walk from the Archery Range, but you make enough conversation that it feels short. When you arrive, you see that they’re serving chicken curry and rice. Your stomach growls embarrassingly loudly when the mouthwatering scent hits you, which prompts Renjun to laugh at you. You give him the middle finger and then turn around to grab a lunch tray. Once you get your food, you two sit at a table in the back. 

Before you begin to eat, you notice that your curry has chunks of potatoes and slices of carrots on it—you abhor carrots more than anything in this world. Noticing your disgusted expression, Renjun slides his plate over without even batting an eyelash, so you can pick out the carrot slices and give them to him. It’s a routine thing for the two of you, since you’re an extremely picky eater and he’s not.

After you take out all of the carrots, you begin to devour your food. You’re wolfing it down so fast that you’re basically asking to choke, in which you immediately do. A piece of chicken lodges itself in your throat, and you begin to cough violently. Renjun sighs, patting your back before handing you your cup of water. 

“I feel like I’m babysitting a toddler every time I eat with you,” he points out as you gulp down your water. 

“Thanks,” you say after you recover.

“For dislodging the food in your esophagus or calling you a toddler?” 

“Both!” you say cheerfully. 

Renjun shakes his head at you, but he’s smiling. You take advantage of his good mood by quickly reaching over and swiping a couple of grapes from the fruit bowl on his tray. He rolls his eyes when you pop them into your mouth and wink at him. 

“Um, Renjun?” A small, different voice cuts in. Both of you turn around to see who it is. 

Hwang Yeji, daughter of Iris and one of the most popular girls at the camp, is standing there. She’s fidgeting, and you can see pink dusting her cheeks. Her friends are at the table right behind her, giving her supportive looks. She smiles shyly at Renjun. 

“Can I help you?” Renjun asks, deadpanning. He isn’t rude per se, but it’s also not a friendly tone. 

Yeji slightly falters at his lackluster response. “Oh, um, I’m going to be performing at the amphitheater tonight...and I was wondering if you could come watch?”

“Why?” 

You know Renjun is asking because he’s genuinely baffled, but it doesn’t lessen your urge to want to slap him upside the head.

“N-No particular reason! O-Okay, bye!” Yeji turns on her heel and runs away. You watch her go back to her table, head hung low in defeat.

“What was that all about?” Renjun is still bewildered. 

No longer able to control yourself, you punch him in the arm. “You moron!”

“Ow! What the hell, Y/N?” he hisses, rubbing his arm.

“She invited you to watch her perform because she likes you!” you hiss. 

“What? No, she doesn’t.” He furrows his eyebrows. 

“Yes, she does! I should know of all people, you dingus. Even without powers, literally anyone else would be able to see that Yeji likes you!” You’re trying your best to keep your voice down, but he’s making it difficult for you. “You are the densest person on the planet!”

“Look who’s talking,” Renjun mutters underneath his breath. 

“I can’t believe you just blew her off like that,” you continue, not hearing what he said.

“How was I supposed to know she liked me? I’ve never even spoken to her,” he protests.

You stare at him in disbelief. “Couldn’t you tell by the context clues?” 

“What context clues?”

“Oh my gods,” you groan, covering your face with your hands.

“What do you want me to do then?” he asks tiredly. 

“Go to her performance tonight,” you say immediately, uncovering your face and whipping your head to look at him with a hopeful expression.

“I don’t really want to though. There’s no point in getting her hopes up if I don’t like her back,” Renjun states matter-of-factly.

“How do you not even have a little bit of interest in her? Look at her! She’s stunning!” You feel like your eyes are about to pop out of your head.

“I’m not saying she isn’t, but I just don’t feel anything special towards her,” he explains. 

“You’re actually insane,” you say incredulously. “There’s no way someone can look at Hwang Yeji and say they don’t feel anything special.”

“If you feel so strongly about it, you could date her,” he suggests.

“No, I’ve decided,” you cut him off, slamming your hand on the table with determination. “I’m going to find you a girlfriend.”

“I’ll have to respectfully decline your services,” he answers, sighing.

“Give me one week,” you plead, “all of my matches have worked out within a week. Please, Renjun? The worst thing that can happen is that you actually like someone and you two become a couple.” 

“And what if it doesn’t work out?” He tilts his head.

“Then, I’ll drop the girlfriend topic for good. I swear on River Styx. And I’ll also give up my title as Camp Half-Blood’s official matchmaker,” you promise.

“You gave yourself that title.”

“Shut up.”

“Why are you so adamant on finding me a girlfriend anyway?” he asks.

“Because you’re so set on not getting a girlfriend, and that drives me crazy. I want to know just who on this Earth can make you feel something special, if even Yeji can’t do it. I want to crack you, like a walnut,” you admit.

“Bad analogy.”

“Yeah, it sounded better in my head.”

Renjun falls quiet, and you can practically see the gears turning in his head as he weighs the pros and cons of your proposition. Athena kids think way too much and way too loudly; they need to let loose and follow their hearts more.

You sit in anticipation for just a little longer before you see the tension on his face begin to dissipate and his features begin to droop. It’s an expression you know well; he’s going to let you have your way, like he always does. 

He pinches the bridge of his nose, sighing. “You get five days. That’s it.”

You squeal loudly, launching yourself at him so you can envelop him in a big bear hug. He grunts as he catches you, saving the both of you from toppling backwards onto the floor. “You’re the best, Renjun!”

Even when he’s irritated or annoyed, Renjun never pushes you away when you hug him. He isn’t exactly the affectionate type, yet his embrace is always so warm and calming. His words may be cutthroat, but his actions are always gentle.

He circles his arms around your waist loosely as he sighs into your hair, seemingly waiting for you to pull back to face him before he says anything. When you do, he flicks you on the forehead instead.

Okay, so you take the his actions are always gentle part back.

“Ouch!” You shrug yourself out of his hold, rubbing the probably reddening spot on your forehead.

“Payback for punching me earlier,” Renjun says, crossing his arms. “But are you sure about this?”

“What do you mean?” 

“You have a perfect record when it comes to your matches. Plus, you’re losing two out of your usual seven days. Are you sure you want to risk breaking your streak?” he asks. 

“What makes you think it’ll get broken?” you shoot back.

“I don’t just think; I know it will,” he smirks arrogantly. “That’s why I’m asking.”

You feel your left eye twitch. Riled up by his cocky demeanor, you grab your cup and chug the rest of your water, wincing like you just downed a shot. Wiping your mouth, you point your finger at him.

“Huang Renjun, just you wait. I’ll make you fall in love so hard that you’ll forget your own name.”

ও DAY ONE.

The Athena Cabin is a marvel to you every time you enter it. Rather than a cabin, it’s a workshop and a library in one on the inside. There are beds pushed haphazardly against the walls, and if you didn’t know that this was the official Athena Cabin, you would’ve thought that the Athena children had simply just crashed at a random facility at the camp and decided to call it their place of residence. 

Renjun is still asleep, despite the commotion of his brothers and sisters running around in the library and/or constructing something in the workshop. His bed is located in the very back, hidden by a bookshelf that’s not frequented often. He’s curled up into a ball, with the blanket covering his head but you can still see tufts of his hair sticking out from under it. 

“Rise and shine!” you sing, lifting blanket off his face. 

His peaceful expression twists with discomfort as its exposed to light, and he immediately rips the pillow out from under his head and puts it over his face. He says something to you, but his words are muffled. You just assume it’s some sort of profanity. 

“Come on, Sleeping Beauty! We have business to attend to,” you say cheerfully, taking the pillow away and tossing it to the foot of his bed.

“And what exactly is this supposed business?” Renjun asks dryly, opening his eyes and squinting up at you. 

“We’re going to scout for potential candidates for you,” you answer as you grab his arm and pull him up. He reluctantly lets you, slumping forward like a limp puppet. 

“Isn’t that your job?” He raises an eyebrow, running a hand through his messy bedhead. Renjun always looks particularly adorable when he wakes up. His pajamas consist of a pair of basketball shorts and an extremely stretched-out t-shirt. The shirt is so big that it’s slipping off his shoulder, which makes him look like a little kid. His hair is sticking up in all sorts of directions, and you can’t help but grin at how cute it is. 

“Yes, but you’re a special case.” You talk to him like he’s five, running your hands through his hair and messing it up even more. Renjun scowls at you, but he sits there and lets you do it.

“Geez, who peed in your cornflakes?” you tease, seeing his stormy look. 

“You.”

“Okay, fine! I’ll wait for you outside, but don’t take too long to get ready,” you say, finally retracting your hands. “No more than thirty minutes or else I’m gonna come find you!” 

He gives you another nasty look, and you blow him a kiss before skipping away. As you head back to the entrance, you greet a couple of Athena kids who pass by. Normally, Aphrodite and Athena children stick their noses up in the air and ignore each other, but you’re such a frequent visitor that they have had no choice but to accept you. It also helps that Renjun is quite popular, so the campers that don’t like you are forced to tolerate you anyway because you’re his best friend. 

That’s another thing you don’t understand—why Renjun hangs out with you when everyone around him is practically foaming at the mouth at the prospect of being his friend (or something more). But for reasons unknown to you, he chooses to ice them out and spend time with you instead.

It’s not that you’re inherently unpopular or someone that would “tarnish” his reputation, but he could probably find someone that annoyed him less and didn’t cause as much trouble as you do. However, you’re glad that he’s choosing to stay by your side in spite of how crazy you can get, because you’re not really sure what you would do without him. 

Not that you would ever admit that because Renjun would roast you to high Olympus.  

As if on cue, you spot Renjun trudging toward you. True to your request, he got ready within thirty minutes. In fact, it only took him about fifteen. He doesn’t look very happy, but he’s always had a resting bitch face (though you’re pretty sure he’s just pissed at you right now).

Strangely, you’re a little embarrassed to see him. You’re not sure why you suddenly thought of your friendship with him and got all sappy. You’ve never really been good at handling the mushy-gushy stuff—only helping others find it.

“Let’s get this over with,” Renjun says begrudgingly when he reaches you, crossing his arms.

“Okay, well, first thing’s first,” you respond, trying to get back on track. You loop your arm through his, which prompts him to instantly uncross his own so you can cling onto his bicep. It’s such a natural action for you that you don’t even think about how quickly he accommodates you. “What’s your type?”

“Where are we going?” he asks, furrowing his eyebrows as he lets you lead him around.

“That depends on your answer to my question,” you reply breezily.

“Aren’t you supposed to be the one who figures that out? You know, with your whole Aphrodite-love-sense-tingle thing.” 

You ignore his dig at your ability. “Normally, yes. But seeing as you’re incapable of feeling any emotion other than bitterness, I have to directly ask you.” 

He laughs at your comeback. “I see. But even if I do tell you my type, what makes you think she will like me too?” 

“If she doesn’t, then just woo her with your irresistible charm,” you say sarcastically. 

“My irresistible charm has a tendency to make people hate my guts, actually,” Renjun says, shrugging. “Wouldn’t want that, would we?” 

“Renjun, you are fully capable of making a girl fall for you,” you chide, huffing at his negative attitude. “I’m not concerned with that. My main issue right now is finding someone that will make you care enough to want her to like you back.”

“You think so?” he asks quietly, looking down at where your hand is resting on his arm.

“Hm?” 

“I hope you’re right,” he says a little louder, dragging his gaze away from your hand and giving you a small smile. “About being capable.”

When Renjun looks into your eyes, you feel him for the first time. Your heart wrenches with his, like a knife was driven into it and something keeps twisting it. It’s an excruciating pain that makes your lungs want to cave in, a pain so unbearably sad that it makes you want to assume fetal position and bawl your eyes out, an exhausting pain that drains you of all your energy until you want to collapse, a pain that makes you hate yourself—but it’s a pain you never want to get rid of. It’s a pain that makes you happy. It’s a pain you’re willing to endure for...for...for what? 

But the pain only lasts for a moment, flashing by like lightning. As you try to reach deeper, it slips through your fingers. Just as suddenly as it hit you, it vanishes. What remains in its place is the metaphorical iron wall that you always seem to run into every time you try to look into Renjun’s heart.

You can already feel your body starting to forget the pain. It’s so fast that you begin questioning if you even truly felt it in the first place, or if it was all some fever dream. You could also be having a stroke, so there’s that.

All jokes aside, you’re not sure what you’re more surprised by: the fact that Renjun has been feeling like this or how well he’s managed to hide it. 

And you’re not sure what you’re more hurt by: the fact that Renjun didn’t tell you or if you’re the one he’s trying to hide it from.

“—hello? Y/N? Earth to Y/N?” Renjun waves his hand in front of your face. 

You jolt, blinking several times as you detach yourself from your whirlwind of thoughts. “S-Sorry! What were you saying?”

“What’s wrong?” he asks, brows furrowing in concern. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” 

“Ghosts don’t exist,” you retort automatically.

“Yes, they do! How many times have I told you there’s no way that my glass bottle could’ve fallen from my bed without shattering, yet it was underneath my bed, completely and totally unsc—” He begins to protest. 

You cut him off by wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him in for a hug. Thankfully, Renjun stops rambling about his ghost story that you’ve heard about a million times and trails off. His hands slowly come to rest on the small of your back, giving you soothing pats. It makes you sad that he’s always ready to comfort you when he’s the one that needs it. Your vision gets blurry with tears, but you hurriedly blink them away.

“How can you be so smart yet so dumb?” you whisper into his shoulder, clutching him tighter.

“You know, you’re sending me mixed signals here,” he says wryly. 

You hug him for a couple more seconds before pulling back. Reaching your hands up, you cup his face. Unfortunately, you do it a little too enthusiastically and basically slap both of his cheeks. “Shit! I’m so sorry, Renjun!” 

“Ow! What is wrong with you?” he demands, wincing. His lips are adorably jutted out and his words probably aren’t as angry as he wants them to be because you’re squishing his cheeks way too hard. 

“I just wanted to tell you that I will definitely find you a girlfriend. No matter what,” you declare with determination in your eyes.

Because I don’t want you to be in pain anymore. Because you deserve to be happy. Because you should have someone to lean on too, you want to say.

Renjun is staring at you like you’ve grown another head. “Y/N, you’re scaring me.”

“Don’t worry about it,” you dismiss. “Now, hurry up and tell me your ideal type.”

“Are you sure you’re feeling okay?” 

“Oh my gods, I’m fine. Stop with all the questions and just answer me!” you say, placing your hands on your hips.

“I think I’m starting to reconsider my ideal type right now,” he replies, eyeing you suspiciously. 

You sigh loudly. “Could you tell me one character trait that you would like in a girlfriend? Just one. Pretty please with a cherry on top?”

He snorts, and you begin to grow frustrated. “Renjun—”

“Stubborn,” he answers. 

You raise an eyebrow. “Of all the things you could’ve chosen, you went with that?”

“I finally answer your question and now you’re shaming me for it?” he shoots back. 

You put your hands up in mock surrender. “Okay, okay, sorry. Anything else you can think of?”

“Unpredictable. Hotheaded. Infuriating. Nosy. Reckless. Unable to take anything seriously. No concept of personal space,” he lists them off like he’s has it memorized.

“These are all terrible traits,” you point out, frowning. 

“Tell me about it.”

“Stop messing around,” you snap, giving him a small shove. “Some positive ones, please.”

Renjun pauses. “This might take a second.”

You give him a pointed look, crossing your arms and tapping your foot impatiently. At this point, you’re not even sure if he’s just joking or if he actually means it. However, it’s the only thing you’ve gotten out of him so far, so you have to work with it. 

“Dedicated,” he finally says after some intense pondering.

You exhale in relief. “Thank gods. What else?”

“Kind. Cheerful. Carefree. Funny. Always makes me smile. Marches to her own beat. An open book when it comes to her feelings. Says whatever is on her mind without thinking twice. Gets excited about things that don’t matter. Has a wonderful laugh. Able to see the good in me, even though I’m an asshole—”

As he continues, you eventually stop paying attention to his words and watch his expression. All of his features have softened, and there’s a warmth in his eyes that you’ve never seen before. He has the gentlest smile on his face as he talks, but you’re not even sure that he’s aware of it. 

You wouldn’t be a child of Aphrodite if you couldn’t recognize a boy in love, and Renjun certainly fits the bill. 

Suddenly, you feel an ugly sensation twisting in the pit of your stomach, coiling like a poisonous snake. It’s an awful feeling, and it makes you ashamed because it resembles jealousy way too closely for your comfort. You hate feeling like this, but you don’t know how to stop it. In fact, you don’t even know why you’re feeling this way. It’s foreign to you, but you know it’s not coming from Renjun. This is all coming from inside you.

“Stunning in every way,” Renjun finishes quietly. His voice is barely a whisper, but you can hear it clearly, as if it’s right in your ear. 

Digging your nails into your palms, you let out a low whistle. “That was very...specific.”

“Afraid of a challenge?” he counters, smirking. 

His banter makes you grin. It’s almost enough to make you forget the feeling in your stomach. You wonder why you keep getting worked up by yourself. Maybe the summer heat is getting to you, and you really are on the verge of having a stroke. 

“It’s like you don’t even know me,” you retort dramatically, clinging onto his arm again. “Alright, let’s go!” 

“Where?” 

“The Training Grounds!” 

“Why there?” His nose crinkles. 

“Your ideal type is as Ares kid as it can get,” you say, snorting. “So, obviously, we’re going to their turf.” 

“Ares children are obnoxious and arrogant,” Renjun scoffs. 

“And you’re a smartass, so it’ll be fine,” you say breezily. 

He rolls his eyes, muttering under his breath. 

“You’re such a drama queen. Besides, it won’t be only Ares kids there,” you point out.

He shrugs in a noncommittal manner but ultimately lets you lead him to the Training Grounds. When you arrive, as expected, it’s mainly Ares kids there. For people who aren’t used to it, the Training Grounds could be mistaken for a battle royale, judging by how vicious it can get at times. Even though it’s just a bunch of sweaty young adults angrily swinging swords at dummies and each other. 

Stroking your chin, you begin to scan the area. It’s only when your eyes fall onto Park Sooyoung, the daughter of Ares that’s infamous for making men cower to their knees, that the lightbulb goes off in your head. 

“What about Sooyoung?” you ask excitedly, tugging on Renjun’s shirt. 

He frowns. “She hates me.”

“You don’t know that,” you say.

“She tried to throw a dagger at my head once,” he states flatly. 

“She does that to everyone,” you dismiss. “I think you two would work well together.”

“Please, enlighten me.” 

“She could be the brawn to your brain. She’s super rambunctious, while you’re more reserved and can keep her in check. But she’ll be able to teach you how to live a little, and you’ll just perfectly balance each other out. You know, that whole opposites attract and enemies to lovers trope,” you explain. 

“Enemies to lovers?” He raises an eyebrow.

“Yes,” you say dreamily, “You two start off absolutely despising each other, but neither of you can fight the tension building and eventually just get entangled in the throes of your passion!”

“Okay, Fifty Shades of Grey, calm down,” Renjun says, scrunching up his features in disgust. “Stop writing fanfiction in your head and come back to the real world.”

You glare at him for killing your vibe. “Just go and try to talk to her.”

“I don’t want to be mauled.” There’s actually a small glimmer of fear in his eyes. 

“Don’t be ridiculous. She’s not gonna kill you. At least not in front of everyone like this,” you reassure him. 

“So you’re admitting that there is a possibility she would kill me.”

Fed up, you snatch his wrist and begin dragging him. He makes noises of protest, but you keep a vice-like grip on him. Sooyoung is sparring with some of her brothers (and frankly, handing their asses to them). You’re envious of how beautiful she is even with sweat dripping from her chin and tendrils of hair stuck to her neck. Her face is flushed with effort, but it makes her look like a peach. 

However, don’t ever judge a book by its cover because she proceeds to lift one of her brothers, as if she’s bench pressing him, and tosses him aside like a rag doll. He comes flying directly toward you, but Renjun wraps an arm around your shoulders and yanks you aside with his surprisingly quick reflexes. Sooyoung’s brother lands with a hard thud, right beside your feet.

Renjun holds you tightly against him as he scowls at Sooyoung, who is smirking at him. Your heart is pounding wildly, though you’re not sure if it’s from the adrenaline rush of one of Sooyoung’s brothers hurling towards you like a projectile or the way Renjun is cradling you to him.

“Are you out of your mind?” Renjun demands, livid. 

“Sorry about that,” Sooyoung says, trying to hide her amusement. 

“No, you’re not. You did it on purpose,” Renjun snaps. 

“Remove head from ass, Huang. If I didn’t think you’d be able to get her out of the way in time, I wouldn’t have done it,” Sooyoung responds, sounding bored.

“What if I hadn’t? Your tank of a brother would’ve knocked Y/N out,” Renjun says angrily, gritting his teeth. “And trust me, she doesn’t need any more screws loose than she already has.”

“Hey!” you chime in, offended. His arm falls from your shoulders and back to his side when you give him a dirty look. He seems a little surprised, whether the reason be from your sudden protest or how long his arm’s been around you. 

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Sooyoung says, rolling her eyes. “Anyways, what do you want? You’re here to see me, right?” 

Renjun opens his mouth to say something, but you slap a hand over his mouth. “Renjun thinks you’re really pretty and wants to train with you.”

Perhaps you could have delivered it in a smoother manner.

“Mm?” He stares at you with wide, horrified eyes. He’s trying to speak, but it’s all muffled by your palm. 

Sooyoung snorts, crossing her arms and tilting her head. “Does he now?” 

“Yes. He’s just too shy to admit it,” you lie through your teeth. 

“Mhm, I’m sure he is,” she laughs. “What’s the actual reason you’re here?”

“Whatever are you talking about? That is the reason,” you answer sweetly. “So, what do you say? Wanna spar him?”

“Mmmmmm!” Renjun has you by the wrist, trying to remove your hand from his mouth, but you won’t budge. 

“You must think I was born yesterday,” Sooyoung sighs. “You’re trying to set us up together, right? Glad to see you’re sticking to your whole matchmaking schtick.”

“Maybe,” you admit sheepishly. “Also, it is not a schtick! I have a natural affinity for finding people that are compatible with each other, like all Aphrodite children, and it is my duty to use that ability in order to help others.”

Despite how proud you look, Sooyoung and Renjun exchange knowing glances, and she reaches forward and gives him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. “Stray strong, soldier.”

“Mm,” he responds, sounding tired.

You watch the interaction with a baffled expression. Neither one of them seems intent on providing any context for you. You’re hit with another pang of jealousy. 

“While it would be my utmost honor to be Renjun’s girlfriend, I will have to decline. Firstly, because I would definitely murder him by our third date tops. And secondly, because I already have a girlfriend,” Sooyoung says nonchalantly. 

Your hand goes limp and falls off of Renjun’s mouth, finally freeing him. Your jaw is hanging wide open, a direct invitation for flies. The both of you just stand there and gawk at her. 

“What?” you exclaim, grabbing her by the shoulders. “You have a girlfriend?”

Most Aphrodite kids are just naturally aware of all the couples at Camp Half-Blood whenever they see them, but you make it a point to keep tabs on them so you can avoid incidents like this while you’re trying to find matches for others. Clearly, you’ve missed one. 

“Ye—”

“Who is it?” you demand, resisting the urge to shake her until her bones rattle. “How could I not know about it?”

“Well, that was the goal,” Sooyoung explains, “we want it to be a secret.”

You’re gripping her so tightly that the tips of your fingers have turned white, though you’re sure it doesn’t bother her since she’s pure muscle. You want to know who it is so badly, but you respect her privacy, so you decide to let it go. Even if you really don’t want to.

“I understand,” you say solemnly, begrudgingly releasing her. Your body is slightly twitchy as you fight to control your need to snoop. 

“You look like you’re about to pass out,” Renjun cuts in, half-joking and half-concerned. 

“Today has not gone well for me,” you sigh, spirit crushed by the sudden news and exhausted because of your weird mood swings that have been happening. “I’m hot, and I just want a nice, cold shower, followed by some nice, cold ice cream, and then followed by a nice, warm nap. We’ll try this again tomorrow.” 

“Want me to walk you back to your cabin?” Renjun asks. 

You nod, shoulders slumped in defeat. “Sorry to bother you, Sooyoung.”

“No problem. You’ll get ‘em next time,” Sooyoung says, trying to sound encouraging. 

As you turn to pitifully walk away, you notice Sooyoung and Renjun exchange another look in your peripheral. She gives him a thumbs up and he smiles wryly before he also turns to follow you.

It’s just the icing on the cake for your awful day. 

The walk back to your cabin is pretty quiet; Renjun sensing your foul mood and making the wise decision of letting you pout all by your lonesome (not that he’s much of a chatterbox anyway). You’re looking down at your feet as you walk, and he kindly navigates you through crowds and moves you out of the way when campers run by. This is something Renjun does often, since you have a tendency to not pay much attention to your surroundings on a regular basis, so you don’t even think twice about it. 

When you finally arrive, Renjun gives you a comforting pat on the back. “See you tomorrow. I’ll meet you here. Do not barge into my cabin and give me another rude awakening like you did today.”

You give him a strained smile and wink. “No promises.”

Of course, your act doesn’t fool him. He sighs. “Did it really bother you that much that Sooyoung managed to hide her relationship from you? It’s not like you to be so down after one failure.”

Honestly, that’s the least of your concerns right now. Did it hurt your pride? Yes, but you’ve recovered from a wounded pride countless times. 

What bothers you the most right now is the vile jealousy that you’ve stored in your heart. How shitty you felt when he was describing his ideal type (and how absolutely lovestruck he looked), or how bitter you were when you saw that Sooyoung and Renjun were in on something you weren’t. It eats away at you, seemingly within moments, before you even know what’s happening. But why? Where is it all coming from?

This is Renjun you’re talking about. Renjun, your best friend. Renjun, the one who’s always there for you. Renjun, the closest person to you other than your bloodline. 

Or so you thought. 

The pain that you felt from him earlier still haunts you, even if it’s faint. You’ve always seen Renjun as someone you can confide in, no matter what, yet it doesn’t appear like he feels the same towards you. In fact, an irrational part of you thinks you may be the one he’s trying to keep it from. 

And the paranoid part of you thinks Sooyoung knows about it too.

You know it’s horrible to think that, but you can’t control it. Renjun isn’t required to tell you everything he feels just because you do, not that it doesn’t hurt any less. It just bugs you that there could be someone closer to him than even you, which is an incredibly toxic mindset to have. You’re upset by the fact that you’re so possessive of him, yet you can’t seem to let him go either. 

I guess it’s alright if it’s Sooyoung, you admit to yourself, since she has a girlfriend.

You blink.

Wait, what? 

Before you can figure out what the hell your brain meant by that, you feel Renjun place his hand on your forehead. It jars you from your thoughts and you come back to reality, where Renjun is staring at you with furrowed brows as he checks your temperature. 

“Are you sure you’re feeling alright? You’ve been spacing out all day,” he says, clearly worried.

“F-Fine!” you answer way too enthusiastically. “Sorry, what were you saying?”

“Don’t worry about it,” he dismisses. “Just go get some rest.”

“Aye, aye, captain,” you nod hurriedly, giving him a two-finger salute. “I’ll see you tomorrow, bright and early! Don’t oversleep!” 

“Yeah, yeah,” he waves you off, smiling. You can tell he’s still concerned, but your brighter attitude relieves him just a tad. “Oh, and Y/N?” 

“Mhm?”

“I forgot to mention one more trait for my ideal type.”

“What is it?” You wish you had never asked him in the first place. Just when your mood was getting a little better, it sours just as quickly. 

“Dense,” he adds. 

You give him a puzzled look. “Huh?”

“I want her to be dense,” he states simply. 

“No way,” you argue, when his words finally register. “How is it gonna work out if both of you are dense as hell?”

“Who knows? Maybe our denseness will cancel each other out, and we’ll fall in love instantly,” he shrugs.

“Of course. PEMDAS and shit,” you jokingly agree.

“Exactly,” he says, nodding with a deadpan expression. 

You laugh loudly—a big belly laugh that makes Renjun beam. The tension eases off his features, and he seems much more reassured. Your heart swells at how hard he’s trying to make sure you’re okay, not that he would ever admit that.

“Okay, for real now. Bye, Y/N.” He gives you a lazy wave before walking away, shattering your touching moment. 

You huff at how he turned around without even letting you respond, though you still wave back (even if he can’t see it), and go back into your cabin. The moment the door closes behind you, you make a beeline for the shower. Peeling off your sweat-soaked clothes, you close your eyes in bliss when the cold water hits you. 

As you let the water run down your body, you begin to feel more and more like a petulant child that just threw the biggest tantrum ever. You’re embarrassed that you overreacted like that and got so emotional for no reason. You chide yourself for being selfish. Just because you’re upset that Renjun doesn’t confide in you the way you do him, it doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t have someone. You should be happy for him when he finds a person he can fully open up to, even more so than you. Isn’t that what you’re trying to do for him right now? 

You shut the water off before slapping your cheeks hard, giving yourself a wake up call. Resolving to be more composed tomorrow, you decide to just take a nap for now as you change into comfortable clothes and dry your hair off. 

When you get to your bed, you see a small bowl of ice cream on your nightstand. Luckily, your shower didn’t take too long, so it’s still relatively frozen. It’s two scoops of chocolate, which is your favorite. You’re so excited that you almost miss the note tucked underneath the bowl. 

don’t know when you’re going to get out of the shower, so this might just be soup by the time you’re out. if that’s the case, drink it anyways since i went through the trouble of getting it. 

You snort. It’s so like Renjun to write a tactless note like this and not even bother signing off on it. If he’s going to be sweet, he shouldn’t ruin the moment by doing what he always does—opening his mouth (figuratively, in this case). 

But it’s not enough to wipe that big grin off your face, as you carefully fold up the note and put it in your drawer. 

He’s not cute at all.

ও DAY TWO.

The next day is about as successful as the first one, if not worse.

You had woken up with a game plan. Before you went to meet Renjun, you drafted up a list of campers that matched his ideal type (for the most part, since he was a little too specific). The goal was to narrow it down to a couple names before trying to march in head first, since that went disastrously yesterday. 

Unfortunately, instead of things going smoothly like you had hoped, you find yourself banging your head against a tabletop repeatedly.

You and Renjun are currently sitting in the library of the Athena Cabin, having been there for almost an hour now. He’s nearly eliminated your entire list that you so meticulously curated this morning. You’re starting to wonder if he’s purposefully being difficult just to see you riled up.

Renjun watches you hit your head a couple more times before outstretching his hand, catching your forehead in his palm and blocking you from hitting it against the table again. “Stop before you bleed all over the table, and I get stuck scrubbing it out later.”

You raise your head to glare at him. “I’ll show you bleeding all over the table.”

He doesn’t even blink at your threat, infuriatingly unfazed. “Are you done with your list already?”

“No,” you grumble, “I still have some left.”

“So, if I’m not interested in the rest, does that mean we’re done for the day?” he asks.

“Haha,” you say wryly, “you wish. If you don’t pick one, then I’ll just go through the list myself and pick one that I think is the most compatible with you.”

“Damn it.”

“Okay, what about Hyun Seunghee? She’s an Apollo kid. Super talented and sweet, one of the most adorable people on the planet, and loves art just like you,” you suggest.

“Seunghee is a very sweet girl,” Renjun agrees. “But I don’t think I have the energy to keep up with her. She’s even bubblier and more hyperactive than you, and I can barely manage dealing with you.” 

Sighing, you cross out Seunghee’s name on your list while simultaneously flipping off Renjun with your other hand. “Okay, what about Lee Mijoo? She’s one of my sisters, and honestly, she’s way out of your league but I’ll keep her in the running for now.” 

You figure it’s best to not mention that, despite being way out of his league, Mijoo has expressed some very...explicit interest in Renjun before. It’ll make things awkward if they do end up talking, and you aren’t one to expose your own sister like that.

“Ew, no way, that’s weird,” Renjun says, scrunching up his nose.

“What, why?”

“I don’t want to date anyone related to you. That would make us sort of related too, and the last thing I want is to be your brother.” He spits out the word like it’s a stale piece of gum that he’s been chewing for four hours.

“First of all, slow down, tiger. You would have to marry her for us to be related. This is just a casual thing. No one said anything about marriage. Second of all, that is so mean! Why wouldn’t you want to be in-laws with me?” you demand, offended.

“Don’t most people enter relationships with the intention of spending the rest of their lives with each other?” he asks, skillfully dodging your question. “I won’t date someone if I think we’re just going to breakup down the road.”

There’s a beat of silence as you stare at him with wonder. Your lips curl into a gentle smile, and you can’t hide the adoration in your expression. Renjun truly is all bark and no bite. Who would’ve guessed there’s such a lovely and pure person behind his sharp tongue?

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asks warily. You swear you can see a little pink dusting the shells of his ears and the tip of his nose.

“It’s just...you’re much more of a hopeless romantic than I initially thought, Huang Renjun,” you say teasingly. 

Now, you can definitely tell he’s embarrassed. He mumbles a “shut up” under his breath, but you can barely hear it.

“Don’t put so much pressure on yourself,” you advise, “it’s totally natural to date and breakup. You can love someone with all of your heart, but that doesn’t mean they’ll be your life partner. Loosen up, my friend, and just have fun! Fall in love recklessly, and don’t think about anything else! That’s what youth is all about!”

You expect him to make fun of you for lecturing him like you’re centuries old, when the both of you can barely label yourselves as adults, but he doesn’t. 

Instead, he’s gazing at you with a deep melancholy in his eyes. You’re sitting right across from him, but the way he looks at you makes it seem like you’re galaxies away. Your gut wrenches at how hurt and helpless he seems, like he’s yearning for something that is out of his reach. 

Time seems to slow down as the two of you stare into each other’s eyes, as if you’re both entranced. It’s hard to tell how long you stay like that, but it feels like you’ve woken up in the middle of a sweet dream when Renjun finally breaks eye contact. You’re slightly disoriented, even though it’s probably only been a few seconds.

Clearing his throat, Renjun mutters, “Anyways, don’t put anymore of your siblings on the list.”

You take a moment to gather your thoughts before sighing. “Fine. But now I’ve run out of names on my list.”

“Well, gosh darn it, what a shame,” he says in a terrible Southern accent while attempting to get up. “Look’s like that’s a wrap for today!” 

“Not so fast,” you cut in, snapping your fingers at him to sit back down. “We’re not done yet.” 

He groans but reluctantly obeys, dramatically throwing his head into his arms when he does.

“Behave while I go through this list again,” you order, putting stars next to names that you’re going to force Renjun to reconsider with. 

“Now, you’re making me want to hit my head against the table,” he complains, voice muffled by his arms.

You ignore his whining, focusing on your current task at hand. Just as you finish narrowing it down to a select few, someone brushes past you and it’s like you hear angels singing. Seo Soojin, daughter of Nemesis and actual hotness personified, walks by. 

Soojin is relatively new to Camp Half-Blood, having arrived for the first time last year. You don’t know much about her personality because she keeps to herself and her tight-knit circle of friends for the most part. You know for a fact that she’s a far cry from Renjun’s type, but you’re starting to think he doesn’t really know what he wants—seeing that he shot down every single person on your list already. She will be a nice change of pace for him.

“What about Soojin?” you ask in a hushed whisper, leaning forward. 

“Who?” Renjun looks around, not lowering his voice or trying to be subtle in the slightest.

“Shhh!” you hiss, grabbing him by his shirt and yanking him forward. You pull a little too hard and end up knocking your foreheads together. 

“Ow! Why is your head made out of cast iron?” Renjun winces. He tries to lean back, but you don’t let him escape. 

“Shut up! You’re the blockhead, asshole,” you protest, getting offended for the second time. “Anyways, Seo Soojin. The girl over there. The one with the bangs, big lips, and is hot as fuck?” 

He squints, finally zeroing in on her. “What about her?”

“That’s what I’m asking you, dipshit!” 

Renjun shrugs noncommittally—an action that you’ve grown extremely accustomed to during these past two days, an action that makes you want to rip your own hair out. “She seems nice.” 

“Well, try and talk to her then,” you say, spelling it out for him. “You know, so you can see if the two of you will hit it off or not.”

He gives you a look. It’s the same look that a twelve-year-old kid gives his mother when she makes him take a picture in front of a national monument that he doesn’t know anything about, nor does he care to. However, she insists, so he reluctantly trudges over to it and takes the picture—hands firmly balled up by his sides and his lips pressed into a hard line, no matter how much his mom tells him to smile.

So, in other words, Renjun looks like he wants to crawl into a hole and die.

“Are you sure that you’re human?” you ask incredulously. You’re not even being sarcastic at this point; you genuinely want to know how he is able to feel absolutely nothing for women that could rival the goddesses themselves.

“Technically—”

“If you say that you’re only half-human because we’re demigods, you’re going to get a pen through the jugular,” you warn, pointing your pen at him. 

“Am I wrong, though?” 

“You know what I mean, you smartass. Are you or are you not capable of feeling romantic attraction towards another person?” you demand.

“I am,” he simply says.

“That’s it? That was the most robotic answer I’ve ever heard in my life!” you exclaim. 

“What else am I supposed to say?” he asks, throwing his arms up. 

“Have you experienced any blackouts recently, like woken up without memory of the past twenty-four hours? Have you checked your body for any chip implants under your skin?” You eye him suspiciously. “Been beamed up by any UFOs? Gone somewhere haunted?” 

Renjun gives you a pointed look, sighing. “While it is touching to know that you do, in fact, listen to me whenever I talk about topics I’m interested in, this is not how I wanted you to apply your knowledge.”

“You know, now that I think about it, you sure talked about alien abductions a lot,” you say, stroking a fake beard on your chin. “Could it be because you were actually abducted by aliens and got brainwashed into gathering information about us demigods, but they took away your ability to feel emotions so they wouldn’t get in the way of your mission?” 

You pause, waiting for his reaction. Renjun is very obviously trying not to smile, with his chin being propped up by his palm and his fingers covering his mouth. “Please, continue.” 

“But ultimately, that will be your fatal flaw and the downfall of your mission because you can’t empathize like humans can,” you finish dramatically. 

“Alright, let’s say I was brainwashed by aliens. Why would I then draw more attention to myself by talking about the very thing that happened to me? Wouldn’t that be counterproductive?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Reverse psychology,” you explain, “you talk about them, so you won’t seem suspicious.” 

Renjun exhales sharply before looking down at his feet. You can see his lips twitching as he tries not to laugh, though you’re pretty sure that exhale from before was a small laugh. You’re grinning, despite the fact that you’re also trying to keep up your detective act.

“I’m kind of wish I had been abducted by aliens right about now. Maybe brainwashed me would be a little more courageous,” he mutters under his breath. You’re not sure if you were meant to hear that, but you do anyways. 

“That sounds exactly like something someone abducted by an alien would say!” you say in an accusatory tone, pointing a finger at him. He rolls his eyes, but a tiny smile eventually makes its way to his lips. 

You gasp loudly, grabbing his face and pulling it towards your own. He makes a small noise of surprise, eyes as wide as UFO saucers. Your faces are so close that your noses are slightly brushing up against one another, but you’re not paying attention to that right now. 

“Or you could be a lizard person,” you whisper, “you know, the ones that people think take the place of government officials.”

“They’re called reptilian humanoids,” Renjun corrects. His breath (which smells like the blueberry muffin he had this morning) rustles your baby hairs. 

“Your eyes are glowing yellow, and your pupils are turning into slits,” you tease.

“Are they, now?” 

No, they aren’t. His eyes are a cool, icy gray, like most Athena children. It’s always been a trait you’ve been jealous of. They sparkle like stars, or freshly fallen snow. They change according to his mood too. For example, when he gets angry, there are no stars. Instead of twinkling, they flash like lightning. His eyes are truly the window to his soul; they’re one of your favorite things about him.

Renjun slightly leans into your touch, and it finally hits you how close he is. You’re cupping his face with both hands, tilting his chin up, and it looks like you’re about to...kiss him.

 It seems you’re not the only one who thinks so, because almost the entire library is gawking at you. Including Seo Soojin. She looks surprised, and slightly disgusted, by the two of you.

Oh.

You feel heat rise from your neck to your entire face.

Oh gods, they all think we’re a couple.

You recoil away from him, withdrawing your hands like your just burned yourself. “We have to get out of here.”

“What?” As always, Renjun doesn’t know what’s going on.

“Just come on,” you say quickly, grabbing his arm and dragging him out of the library. 

Your face burns for a long time after that, and you can no longer focus on anything else. In the end, you decide to call it a day after a few more half-hearted attempts to find more candidates for Renjun. When you come back to your cabin, you take another cold shower. 

You’re not sure what you’re so flustered by: the fact that you didn’t realize what you were doing or the fact that everyone in the library saw it.

Or the fact that you didn’t mind the notion of being mistaken for a couple with Renjun.

ও DAY THREE.

You don’t meet bright and early with Renjun today. He demanded to sleep in this time, since he’s not an early riser to begin with and the past two days have sucked all the energy out of him. 

Which means you’re free until noon. You check the time—10 AM. 

Two hours to kill. 

You don’t feel like getting all sweaty and hot, so any activity outside is out. You really don’t want to be judged by more Athena kids in the Arts and Crafts Center without Renjun. So, you decide to head back to the library, despite how yesterday went.

You check out a book that goes into depth about some of the most believable conspiracy theories; Renjun actually read it a while ago (and totally geeked out about it to you), but who would have thought that you would end up reading it too? Past you definitely would’ve laughed in your face if you told her that. 

Once you get back to your cabin, you curl up in your covers and begin to read. You get about two chapters in when you hear the door open and Jeong Jaehyun, one of your brothers, walks in. He’s wearing his orange t-shirt that’s soaked with sweat, and his hair is dripping from perspiration too. His pale skin glistens, and he looks like a sweaty and sparkly vampire. 

“Hey, kid,” Jaehyun says, nodding at you. He isn’t that much older than you, but he’s gotten into the habit of calling you kid for some reason.

“This is a surprise. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you come back from training before 5 PM,” you tease.

He lets out a low whistle. “Way too hot out there. I needed to get some A/C before I had a heatstroke—is that a book in your hand?”

“What about it?” you ask, raising an eyebrow.

Jaehyun snorts. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you near a book, much less read one.”

“Rude. I am expanding my horizons,” you retort. 

“It seems so. What was up with you and Renjun at the library yesterday?” Jaehyun plops down on the edge of your bed. 

“How do you even know about that?” you ask, wrinkling your nose. “And go take a shower first before you sit on my bed! You stink!” 

“Do I?” He waggles his eyebrows and throws his arms around you in a bear hug. You try your best to shove him off, but he has a hold on your like a python. 

“I hate you,” you say when he finally pulls back, sniffing your shirt to make sure you still smelled like your fabric softener. “Anyways, how’d you find out about the library thing?”

“Rumors spread fast around here, dear sister. But, seriously, what’s the deal?”

“There is no deal, Jaehyun,” you sigh, closing your book. “It’s all just a misunderstanding. We were joking around while I was trying to find a potential girlfriend for him there—which, by the way, is going horribly. I don’t think he feels romantic attraction properly like everybody else.”

“Oh right. I forgot you roped Renjun into your matchmaking thing,” Jaehyun says, disappointed. “Damn, and here I thought he finally made a move.”

Your head snaps up to give him a quizzical look. “What?”

“What?” He tilts his head.

“What did you mean by that, the part where you said you thought Renjun finally made a move?” you ask. 

Jaehyun stares at you for a couple of seconds, an astonished expression on his face. “Do you really not know?” 

“Would I be asking if I didn’t know?” you shoot back, annoyed that he still hasn’t answered you. 

“Gods, all this time, I thought you were just pretending like you didn’t know because you didn’t want to make things awkward,” he continues, shaking his head.

“Jaehyun, what are you talking about?” you demand.

“Renjun is in love with you, Y/N.”

You gape at him. It’s a good thing you’re already sitting down because you definitely would have fallen on your ass if you had been standing.

“Th-Th-That’s impossible,” you stammer, like an absolute idiot. “There’s n-n-no way.”

“Oh, come on, lil’ sis. He’s never even tried to hide it. He’s so obvious about it that I seriously don’t understand how you didn’t know,” Jaehyun snorts. “You don’t even need to have powers to see that he’s head over heels for you.”

“But—but how? I would’ve sensed it!” you exclaim.

“You’re so sharp when it comes to other people, but you’re dense as hell when it comes to yourself,” Jaehyun points out, shrugging. “You just never paid attention, Y/N.”

You don’t respond. Your mind is a mess, a jumbled mishmash of emotions. You’re feeling so many things right now, and you can’t pinpoint any of it.. You wouldn’t be surprised if you passed out.

“Do you like him back?” Jaehyun asks softly. 

“I—no! Of course not. Renjun’s my best friend. If I liked him, why would I be trying to find him a girlfriend right now? That’d be stupid of me. Yeah, that’d be so dumb. Why would I do that?” You’re rambling now, and it’s glaringly obvious that you’re trying to convince yourself rather than Jaehyun (and you know he can see it too).

“It doesn’t seem like you’re trying that hard, though.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” you ask defensively. 

“The Y/N I know spends all hours of the day gathering information on her potential matches and making sure even the tiniest detail goes according to her master plan that she’s already drafted inside her head. She wouldn’t be sitting here, leisurely reading a book, especially if it’s going horribly. She would be doing everything in her power to get things back on track,” Jaehyun notes. “Ask yourself. Do you really want Renjun to get a girlfriend?” 

“Wh-Why wouldn’t I?” You ask him, hoping he knows the answer, because you sure as hell don’t know. 

“Because he won’t always be there anymore. He won’t have time to let you constantly drag him into your antics anymore. You won’t be his number one anymore. His girlfriend will be his first priority, of course, as she should. Think long and hard about that, Y/N. Will you be okay with that?”

“I—” The words seem to die inside your throat as you come to realization that you might not be okay with that at all. You’ve always gone to Renjun for everything and knowing that he may not always be there makes you feel lost, like a compass without it’s True North. You’re being selfish again, but it seems like you’ve gotten into the habit of acting selfish whenever it comes to Renjun. You’ve let yourself grow too reliant on him. 

“Why do you care so much anyways?” Now, you’re deflecting. “Why did you tell me all of this?”

“Because you’re my little sister and I care about you. I want you to be one hundred percent sure of your own feelings, so your heart doesn’t get broken. The only reason I didn’t say anything sooner was because I thought you were already sure. Take some time and think about it, Y/N. It’ll be better for your friendship with Renjun if everything is crystal clear between the two of you,” Jaehyun advises, giving you a pat on the shoulder. He gets up, presumably to take a shower, and leaves.

You barely notice him go.

You sit in your bed, staring blankly at the wall, until Renjun finally arrives. He’s still a little groggy, probably having woken up ten minutes ago before coming. His clothes are a little rumpled and his hair isn’t styled, with his bangs flopping in his eyes. Normally, you would have made fun of him and mussed it up, but you have other things on your mind as of the moment. 

Like always, he can tell something is up. He gets that concerned look on his face—the one where he has a deep crease between his brows and his rosy lips are turned downwards. 

“What’s wrong?” He places a hand on your arm, lowering his head so he can’t get a better look at your face. 

Physical contact with Renjun has always been something normal for you, but suddenly, you’re now acutely aware of everything about him. You can feel the pad of every one of his fingertips on your bare skin, the warmth of his palm, and just how easily his touch makes your body relax. Even when your brain is a whirlwind of thoughts, your muscles, like clockwork, instantly loosen up with just a brush of his hand.

“We need to talk,” you say shakily, moving away from him. There’s a flash of hurt in his eyes as his hand falls to his side. You feel bad, but the longer he’s touching you, the more confused you get. 

You lead him a secluded area behind the Dining Pavilion, and he follows wordlessly. He waits for you to speak as the two of you stand there. Now that you’re here, you don’t really know what to say anymore. 

“Are you in love with me?” you blurt before you can stop yourself. “Jaehyun said—”

“Yes,” Renjun answers. If he’s surprised or taken aback whatosever, he doesn’t show it. In fact, it seems like he knew this was coming. There’s no fear or hesitation in his eyes. He’s unwavering in his answer, and you wonder how he can always be so certain of his feelings. 

“How long?” you ask tentatively. 

“Probably when we first met,” he says. 

“Why?” 

“Are you asking me why I’m in love with you?” He raises an eyebrow. 

You’re not sure. You’re not sure of anything anymore.

When you don’t answer, Renjun looks at you for a very long time. “You make me happy, Y/N. No matter how shitty things get, no matter how much I want to ram my fist through a wall, I see you and it’s like I can finally take a breath again. When you smile at me, I forget about everything that was bothering me. You and your daily shenanigans are the best part of my day. You’re obnoxious and frustrating and exhausting, but I fucking love you for it. I’m at your beck and call; I’d do anything for you. Whenever you’re happy, I become happy too. Nothing else matters to me anymore. That’s why.”

“You should have told me,” you say, voice cracking. Your heart is singing with joy, and you want to cry with relief. He talks about you like you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him, and you so desperately want to be exactly that for him. You’re not confused anymore. Everything has finally become clear for you now. You truly wonder how you managed not to notice anything at all—whether it be your own feelings or his. 

“I knew it would upset you,” he murmurs. 

But then it hits you. 

You can’t even fathom how much Renjun has had to endure throughout the years. He’s loved you all this time, yet he hasn’t said a word—out of consideration for you. In everything he’s ever done during the course of your friendship, he has always put you first. Even if it hurts him, he was willing to withstand it for your sake.

Yet all you’ve done for him is force him into letting you try to find a him a girlfriend, despite the fact that he was against it, and he had to pretend like he was okay as he watched you parade around like a fool telling him to love someone else. 

You don’t deserve to be loved by someone like Huang Renjun.

You don’t deserve to love someone like Huang Renjun.

Suddenly, you begin to feel nauseous—probably sickened by guilt. Black spots dot your vision, and your legs start wobbling. Your body collapses only moments after, but luckily, Renjun manages to catch you before you can hit the pavement. 

“Y/N? Y/N? Hey, talk to me,” you can hear him say very faintly. He’s cradling you against his chest, and you bury your face in it. Your head is spinning, but you feel surprisingly grounded in his arms.

Has he always smelled this nice? His scent is a mixture of books and sandalwood, and you’re basically crushing your nose against his chest like an absolute pervert. You don’t feel embarrassed because you know you can blame it on being sick later. 

Speaking of sick, even though Renjun smells so good, you proceed to lean forward and vomit all over him and yourself.

Once again, you don’t feel that embarrassed because you black out soon after.

ও DAY FOUR.

You wake up tucked nicely under your covers. Much to your relief, you’re also in clean clothes—your favorite set of heart pajamas. Unfortunately, that’s the only bright side to your current state.

It feels like you haven’t had a sip of water in ten years, and your lips feel like they’ve been glued together. Even the tiniest movement makes your head feel like someone is drilling into your skull. Your body feels twenty times heavier, and not to mention, you just generally feel like shit because of what happened with Renjun.

“Oh my gods, you look so creepy right now. Who just lays there with their eyes wide open? If you’re awake, you should say something,” a voice chides. Turning your head just a smidgen (and wincing because of the pain), you see your sister, Lee Mijoo. She has a glass of water in her hand, setting it on your nightstand.

“How long have I been asleep?” you ask hoarsely. 

“Let’s see. Renjun brought you back at like 2 PM yesterday, and it’s now 8 PM, so...thirty hours?” Mijoo counts on her fingers. 

“Fuck,” you groan.

“Heatstroke will do that to ya,” she says, making a clicking noise with her tongue.

“I had a heatstroke?”

“Yep. It was a pretty nasty one too. You really did a number all over Renjun’s shirt. It was like a vomit Picasso,” Mijoo says, sounding kind of impressed.

Your face burns from humiliation. 

“Here, sit up and drink this water,” she orders, helping you get up. Your head is screaming in pain, like a million little jabs to your brain. You down the water in one big gulp, not realizing just how dehydrated you were until your lips hit the water. 

“So, you and Renjun, huh?” Mijoo asks sheepishly.

If you still had water in your mouth, you would’ve spat it out. “What?”

“Jaehyun told me everything,” she explains.

Traitor, you think to yourself.

“Don’t be mad at him. Renjun looked like a kicked puppy when we saw him. There’s no way I wouldn’t have asked questions,” she says. “Did you break his heart, little sister?”

You sigh, putting the cup back on your nightstand. “I hope not. His heart shouldn’t be broken by someone like me.”

“And what does that mean?”

“It means that he shouldn’t concern himself with me,” you sigh.

“Well, he does. He came to check up on you like a billion times. I had to ban him from coming back until tomorrow,” Mijoo snorts. “He’s a really good guy, you know.”

“Trust me,” you say, rubbing your temples. “I know that better than anyone.”

“So, what’s stopping you? I would be all over that.”

You glare at her before letting out another sigh. “He’s too good for me, Mijoo.” 

“That’s for him to decide, no?” She raises an eyebrow.

“It doesn’t matter. I’m just saying the truth,” you say. 

“So, you won’t mind if I date him?” she asks seriously.

Your face falls instantly, and Mijoo doubles over laughing. 

“Geez, Y/N, you looked like you were about to claw my eyes out!” She wipes away a tear.

“Very funny,” you say dryly. 

“But what if I had been serious? What would you have done then?”

You don’t answer.

“I think you really, really like Renjun, Y/N,” Mijoo whispers loudly.

“I think I love him,” you whisper back.

“Then, you should probably tell him.”

“Yeah, I should,” you echo.

Ignoring the major migraine you have and the fact that you’re still a little sluggish, you throw your covers off of you. You don’t change out of your pajamas, simply throwing a thin cardigan over it. 

“Uh, Y/N, maybe you should wait until you feel be—”

“No, I have do it now before I change my mind,” you cut her off, slipping on your tennis shoes.

You hear Mijoo call after you, but you’re already out of the door. The Athena Cabin isn’t too far from the Aphrodite Cabin, so the walk is short. Much to your surprise once you’re inside, he isn’t there.

Grabbing the nearest Athena kid you see, you ask, “Where’s Renjun?”

“Um, I think he went to the amphitheater?” 

The amphitheater is a bit further, so you promptly release and thank the kid, before taking off. You’re not sure if running is recommended right after a heatstroke, but you do it anyways. By the time you get there, your cardigan is slipping off and you’re dripping with sweat from the humid summer heat. 

The amphitheater is extremely crowded, since there was probably a performance tonight. It’s actually a little hard to see over all the people. However, you find Renjun pretty quickly.

You see him standing off to the side, away from everyone else. He’s staring emptily at the stage, hands tucked inside his pockets. He looks so tired and dejected. His entire body slumps as if it’s too exhausting to stand up straight anymore. 

All because of you.

You wait until you finally catch your breath, opening your mouth to call out to him. But you don’t ever get the chance to because a girl walks up to him. You can’t tell who she is because the back of her head is facing you, and you see Renjun give her a small smile before saying something.

The girl laughs and turns her head, giving you a view of her side profile.

Hwang Yeji.

All of the courage you had inside you withers away like a dying flower.

You take a step back, accidentally bumping into someone behind you. They say something to you, but you don’t hear it at all. Instead, you turn on your heel and run. You run wildly and blindly, nearly whizzing right past your cabin. You’re barely able get back inside, eyes so blurry with tears that you can’t even see where you’re going. 

When Mijoo sees you, she doesn’t ask any questions. She just turns on the shower for you, extra hot. You step in without a word, letting the water mix with the tears running down your face. 

It’s not that you think Renjun is in love with Yeji now. In fact, you know he’s not. It’s just that they would be much better together. 

Yeji is one of the sweetest girls you know. She would treat Renjun with the kindness he deserves. She would consider his feelings first before making him do anything. She would make him happier than you ever could. They would be so compatible, and if you weren’t in love with Renjun yourself, you would definitely be trying to set the two up. 

After your shower, you change into the clothes Mijoo set out for you—an oversized sweater with cotton shorts—and miserably crawl back in bed. You’re so drained that you don’t even have the energy to drink the fresh glass of water on your nightstand. 

Everything hurt—mentally and physically. 

Your heart aches most of all. You’ve dated here and there, gone through some breakups, but nothing has ever been as painful as this. 

It’s a pain that consumes you whole. A pain that makes you want to scream but no sound will come out. A pain that makes you want to tear your heart out. A pain that makes you wish a bunch of aliens abducted you and brainwashed you into not feeling any emotions anymore.

It’s the same pain that you thought you felt from Renjun on the first day of when this all began.

And then the last puzzle piece finally falls into place.

That pain was never his.

It has always been your own.

You love Renjun too, and you’ve loved him for a very long time.

ও DAY FIVE. 

“Come on, Y/N. At least get up to wash your face and brush your teeth,” Mijoo pleads.

You ignore her, pulling your covers over your head and turning away. It’s already well into the afternoon, but you’ve been feigning sick so you didn’t have to get up. The rest of the Aphrodite children have left and gone about their various activities throughout the camp, but Mijoo was tasked by Jaehyun to take care of you.

“If you just do that, I’ll leave you alone for the rest of the day,” she bargains. 

You think about it for a second before sighing, begrudgingly sitting up. You can see the pity dripping out of her eyes when you brush past her to head to the bathroom. When you see yourself in the mirror, you can understand why.

Puffy eyes, matted hair, tear-stained cheeks, and chapped lips. It’s too bad you hadn’t been wearing mascara last night because the only thing you’re missing in your hot mess look right now are those dark smudges right under your eyes.

You brush you teeth, which takes a lot more effort than you realize, and splash water on your face. Not even bothering to brush your hair, you head straight back to bed. True to her word, Mijoo doesn’t say anything else after that.

That is, until a couple hours later.

“Um, so I know I said I would leave you alone, but I think you might want to get up for this one, Y/N,” she whispers. You can’t see her because you back is turned to her, but you can tell by the tone of her voice that it’s important.

Irritated, you yank the covers off you and sit back up once again. “Mijoo, I—”

You almost choke on air when you realize Mijoo isn’t alone. Renjun is right beside her, looking not much better than you. He’s in a wrinkled t-shirt and sweatpants, his hair looks like he just ran his fingers through it and called it a day, and he has purple bags under his eyes.

“Can we talk?” Renjun asks. 

You hesitantly nod. 

“I’ll, uh, give you two some privacy,” Mijoo says awkwardly before turning around and running out of the cabin. 

You don’t know what to do now, staring down at your clasped hands. You hear Renjun take a step forward, and you feel the edge of your bed dip under his weight. There’s a sizable gap between you and where he’s sitting, but he’s still close enough for his scent to waft over to you. He smells wonderful like usual, and you hope you don’t stink in return.

“How are you feeling?” Renjun asks quietly.

“Like shit,” you answer honestly.

He laughs under his breath. “I know what you mean.” 

Your heart skips a beat, and you feel giddy all of a sudden when you see him smile. How did you manage to turn into a lovesick little schoolgirl over night? 

“I talked to Yeji last night at the amphitheater,” Renjun says after a moment. 

“I know,” you mutter. 

He blinks. “You do? How?” 

You’re not sure how to answer that.

“Well, that doesn’t matter right now,” he dismisses, taking in a deep breath. “I just wanted to tell you that I ran into her after I checked up on you, and she invited me to watch her performance. I wasn’t going to say yes at first, but I thought it would make you happy if I did. I tried, Y/N, I really tried. Yeji’s a nice girl, but I can’t help how I feel. I love you, Y/N. It’s always been you, and it always will be. I’m not asking you to love me back. I just want to stay by your side, as your friend, if you’ll allow it. I—”

“Stop,” you interrupt, scooting closer to him and putting a hand over his mouth. “I have to tell you something.” 

Renjun gives you a bewildered expression but nods nonetheless. 

You remove your hand from his mouth, before taking in a deep breath of your own. “You’re my best friend, Renjun, and I’ve always confided in you for everything. I took you for granted, and I only thought about myself. Deep down, I think I’ve always known about your feelings and my own, but I was afraid to dig for it. I was comfortable, and I didn’t want to ruin that, even though you were hurting. I’m truly sorry for treating you that way, Renjun. From now on, I want you to tell me everything—the good, the bad, the ugly. Don’t bottle things up for my sake.”

He goes to say something, but you hold up your hand to stop him.

“The reason why I knew you were with Yeji at the amphitheater last night is because I was there too. I went to look for you,” you finally confess. “When I decided I was going to find a girlfriend for you, I thought I would be able to step aside when you did find someone. But once I saw you with Yeji, I realized that I couldn’t do it. What I want with you isn’t a friendship anymore. I’m in love with you, Renjun. I have been for a long time, and it took me four, almost five, years to see that because I never thought to listen to my own heart until now. I don’t think I will ever deserve you in his lifetime, but I love you. I’m selfish and I’m a mess and I always cause trouble for you, but I—”

Renjun wraps an arm around your waist and tugs your body flush against his. His hand comes up to cradle your cheek as his thumb lightly runs across your cheekbone. You’re clutching his shirt like a lifeline, holding your breath, as you stare into those gray eyes.

“You,” he whispers, his lips barely brushing against yours, “are more than I deserve.”

He leans in and closes the infinitesimal gap between your mouths. He kisses you desperately, like you’ll disappear any moment, and you can feel all of the emotions he’s been locking away. His arms are wound tightly around you as he pulls you into his lap. You weave your hands through his hair, and he deepens the kiss. Your shirt rides up as you shift, and you feel his hand slip up your shirt and rest against your back. It ignites a fire within you and you want to tell him to take it off completely, but your lungs are screaming for air, so you have no choice but to pull away.

“Sorry,” Renjun says breathlessly, his chest heaving up and down, as he takes his hand out from under your shirt.

“No, I liked it,” you say, shaking your head and placing your forehead against his. “I just ran out of air.”

“No,” he disagrees, “I didn’t mean for it to go that far. It was supposed to be a sweet kiss, but I lost control.” 

He tugs your shirt back down and gently sets you back down next to him. You can’t help but giggle at how flustered he is. It’s not often that Athena children, especially Huang Renjun, loses control of their emotions like that. 

“I’m glad you find this amusing,” he says wryly, rolling his eyes. 

“You know,” you say in a sing-song voice, “I still technically never broke my streak. I found you a girlfriend within five days.”

“Does it really count if you ended up being my girlfriend?” He raises an eyebrow. “Seems a little unprofessional to me.” 

“Don’t be a sore loser,” you taunt.

“You also said you were going to make me fall in love so hard that I’d forget my own name,” he points out. “And I didn’t, so that’s false advertising. Unprofessional and unethical? I could sue you.” 

“You are so petty,” you squint. “And come on! That kiss didn’t make your forget? It made me forget!”

“I don’t like you that much.” He deadpans.

“Huang Renjun, you are so not cute!” 

4 YEARS AGO.

“It’s not my best work, so you can have it,” Renjun says, trying to act casual about it.

You look so happy that Renjun would have painted a thousand more if you asked him to. You have a smile that could make the goddesses envious, and he can barely hear what you’re saying over the thumping of his own heart. He hopes his expression looks somewhat elusive because he’s not sure how to handle himself right now. 

You’re the prettiest girl he’s ever seen in his life. 

Renjun feels like he’s been shot by Eros’ arrow. He used to never understand why everyone was so wary of Eros; he’s basically just a mascot for corny Valentine’s Day cards. Apollo and his children avoid Eros and his children like the plague. Though granted, Eros did force Apollo to fall in love with Daphne and then she ended up turning into a tree. So, there is a little bit of history there. Point being, Renjun just didn’t get it.

But he think he does now.

“Thank you so much!” you say excitedly, extending your hand. “I’m Y/N!”

Renjun just stupidly stares at you. He’s not even sure if he’s worthy to touch your hand, but he also doesn’t want to be rude. He carefully shakes your hand, unable to say a word.

“What’s your name?” you ask, tilting your head. 

Is it possible for a person to be this adorable? he thinks to himself.

“I’m...” 

You’re looking at him, waiting expectantly.

“I’m...”

You’re still smiling, but he can see the slight confusion in your eyes. He’s never felt like more of a moron in his life. 

“Ren...jun,” he finally says after an extreme amount of concentration. 

You beam at him, and he wonders if he’s the only one seeing the ring of light surrounding you. There’s no way you aren’t Aphrodite’s favorite child.

“Nice to meet you, Renjun! Let’s be friends.” 

Renjun isn’t sure he wants to be just friends, but he finds himself nodding along anyways. 

Fuck, he thinks, I’m in trouble.

[hello-everyfandom]

“I’ll say it every second of every day if need be, I love you."

Warnings: N/A

Pairing: James Potter x Reader

Words: 2.8k

Summary: James Potter is desperately in love with you.

Part One “No, please… Don’t say that. You love her, not me.”

Part Two "James, you’re a right knob head sometimes. She loves you.”

(Hi! This is part three of my James Potter series. Feel free to read those before hand!)

It was odd to see you without James. It seemed that after the Gryffindor party, you had disappeared. It was rare to see you during meal times and you were nothing but a passing figure in the corridors, fleeing before the boys could stop you. It wasn’t just Remus you were dodging, Sirius could barely find you in a crowd and Peter had spoken to you all but once these past few weeks. James, it seemed, was taking your absence the hardest. He frequently turned to his side to tell you a witty or inappropriate joke only to find that you weren’t there. Living without you was torture. Living without the person he loved was torture. And, what made it worse, was that it was his doing that brought this fate upon the Marauders. Remus Lupin, to put kindly, was extremely fed up. He missed his friend and found himself quite lonely studying in the library. And if he were to catch you somewhere, reading or doing homework, you were quiet and reserved, almost fragile to an extent. So, Remus made it his mission, after a grueling day of classes, to find you. He stalked the halls, peering left and right, checked the Astronomy Tower and the Owlery and the kitchens. It was only until he found you, tucked away and unseen, in the back of the library that he let out a sigh of relief. 

Remus pulled a chair from the table and sat down, staring at you intently. “Right, Y/N. This has got to stop.”

“What are you on about, Remus?” you asked, raising your eyes from your book that you were barely reading.

“Don’t play dumb!” Remus used his hand to refer to you, “This has got to stop. It’s become ridiculous.”

“Rem-”

“No, just listen to me. I don’t want to raise my voice or become angry, but you’ve beyond frustrated me. Y/N, this has got to stop, you cannot go on like this.”

“Go on like what?” you asked sharply.

“Like this!” you knew exactly what Remus was talking about. You had become quite skinny, almost gaunt like. Your body adorned an old knitted sweater that James had given you after his growth spurt. It engulfed your body and swallowed you whole. Your face has lost its colour, and your paleness reached all over your skin. You looked sick. Lovesick, if you will, and suffering from heartbreak and losing the battle. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” you gazed back at your book, hoping Remus would leave.

“Damn it, Y/N. Stop it.” Remus slammed his hand on the table, making you jump. Remus had never raised his voice at you, but looking in his eyes, you could see how desperate he was. Remus redacted his hand and shook his head, “I’m sorry.” he whispered.

“It’s okay,” you said reassuringly, reaching to place your hand on his.

“I’m worried about you.”

“I know,” you said truthfully, rubbing his knuckles with your thumb, “but I’m alright.”

“No, no you’re not, Y/N. This isn’t you. The person sitting here isn’t you.” Remus trailed off. If this is what love is, Remus thought, then maybe he didn’t want it. He could see how this was tearing you apart, inside and out. “Everyone misses you. James misses you.”

“I miss you too,” your voice quivered a bit, hearing James’ name struck a blade in your throat.

“He’s not the same, y’know? Have you noticed?” 

You couldn’t say you had. Every time you had seen him in the corridor or in the common room, you practically ran away. It was utter agony to see the man who you so desperately loved, not love you back. But, if you had lingered, if you stayed for mere seconds, you would have seen how broken James was. He smiled and ran his fingers through his hair as he usually did, but the smile was nearly blank and his hair was pulled nervously. 

“Rem-”

“I know,” he sighed, “But at least think about coming back, okay? It’s scaring me to see you like this.”

You nodded, “I love you, Moons.”

Remus squeezed your hand, sending you a worried smile and stood up to leave you alone with your thoughts. As you sat there, you found yourself playing with James’ sweater, fiddling with and pulling out the loose strands. You feared that this was the end of yours and James’ friendship, perhaps even for good. You weren’t sure you could go back to being friends, it simply felt too emotionally difficult to be nothing but mates. You couldn’t do it. A small part of you wanted to be angry with James. In fact, you wanted to be furious at him for toying with your feelings like that. You wanted to scream and send him a jinx that would cause his head to become an octopus. Maybe then he’d see how much he sucked. But, you couldn’t. You couldn’t even be annoyed. The only thing you could feel was the throbbing hurt of your broken heart and helplessly missing a certain James Potter.

Sirius had become just as frustrated if not even more frustrated than Remus. He had become fed up with constantly telling James to grab life by the balls and tell you how he truly feels. It became too much when James was fidgeting during breakfast before his second Quidditch game.  

“James Middle-Name-That-I’ve-Forgotten Potter!” 

James looked up alarmed, “Padfoot? What’s wrong? You never call me James,”

“You! You’re what’s wrong.”

“Padfoot, don’t do this right now, I’m already nervous enough for the game.”

“This is the absolute last time I’ll say it if you don’t tell Y/N how you feel, I won’t talk to you for a week and we both know that’ll be right awful.”

“I’ll do it! I swear, I’ll do it, it just has to be the right time. And-and now, it’s just not.”

“Then when will be the right time?” Sirius prodded, “In a year? Two? When you’re old and wrinkled?”

James bit his lip, knowing full well that Sirius was right. “I’ll tell her at the party tonight,”

Sirius rolled his eyes and scoffed, “Yeah, like that turned out well last time you did that.”

“Well! I-okay? It’ll be fine!” James groaned loudly. Why was he such a coward?

“I mean it, James. Do it, or you’ll regret it.” Sirius pointed. “I didn’t pretend to be Y/N and fake kiss you for nothing.”

“You were the one who pretended to kiss me!” James accused,

“Don’t act like you didn’t like it.” Sirius clicked his tongue.

“I didn’t,” James said. 

Although James felt joyous over his quidditch game win, he could feel the nerves bundled in his stomach. As he reached the common room James swallowed harshly and plainly greeted the partying Gryffindors who congratulated him. 

“Drink of firewhiskey?” Someone offered him, James shook his head.

“No thanks, mate. All yours.”

James searched the common room, his eyes scanning the heads of the bouncing and swaying students. His brown eyes locked with Sirius who sent him back a pointed look with eyebrows raised. He had to do it. He had to do it now. James Potter blinked, hoping to find you somewhere in the crowd with a smile on your face that he so loved. James pushed against the throng of students before reaching Remus who was leaned against the wall.

“Moony,” James said with relief.

“There you are! Hold on,” Remus fixed James’ glasses that seemed to have come askew and crooked on his nose. “Two wins in a row, how bloody lucky are you?”

“Yeah yeah,” James waved it off before asking frantically, “Where’s Y/N?”

Remus’ face dropped and his eyes showed nothing but wariness, “Why?”

“I need to tell her something.”

“Have you been drinking again?”

James shook his head rapidly, “No. Where is she?”

“Prongs, I think-”

“Moons, I’m sorry, I don’t have time for this. I need to see her, I need to see her and tell her I love her. I need to do it and I need to do it now,”

Remus’ eyes lifted in surprise, “Oh.”

“I know, I know. But, where is she? I need to find her.”

Remus’ thoughts were racing horses and he seemed to piece together what was happening, “James.”

“Please, Remus. Please tell me where she is.”

Remus bit his bottom lip, “I think I saw her in the courtyard, sitting in one of the window sills, but-” Before he could continue, James spun around and hurried out of the common room. 

Sirius strutted over and slung an arm around Remus’ shoulders. 

“Is he going-”

“Yup.”

“And does Y/N feel-”

“Yup.”

Sirius turned his head with a wide grin, “Thank god. I was nearly ripping out my hair waiting for him to tell her.” Remus hummed in response. As Sirius seemed to quiet, Remus turned to him with questioning eyes.

“I need to tell you something-”

Remus interrupted him, “You pretended to be Y/N for James, didn’t you? That’s why you pretended to wear a dress.”

Sirius sighed pathetically, “Yeah. And I kind of liked it.” 

James could feel the sweat begin to bead on his forehead, and the adrenaline run through his veins as he looked the corridors for you. This was it. James could feel it. He was ready, he was in love with you and nothing else seemed to matter but the idea of you. You. He loved you. He would rip the skin off his back to keep you warm or swing upside down on a tree with his trousers off just to make you smile. 

It was cold. Cold enough to feel a brisk breeze on your shoulders and cold enough for you to wrap yourself in your arms. You enjoyed the quiet, at least you learned to enjoy it. You debated on returning to the common room to attend the party like Remus and Sirius had begged you to, but you quickly decided against it. You stared up at the stars that blinked back at you. Though you were absolute bollocks at astronomy, you found yourself counting the stars, seeking a constellation, or maybe even guidance. A cloud brushed over the dark skies, the twinking stars disappearing into the darkness. You sighed and stared at your feet until you heard something. What was that? It sounded almost like thunder, pounding against the corridor floors. As you curiously faced the source of the noise, you could barely make out a tall figure bounding towards you. You could make out their messy hair that seemed to stick out everywhere. Messy hair. James. It was James. He ran towards the courtyard, pausing to look madly all-around before spotting you. James Potter froze, his mouth coming agape. The adrenaline and rush that he had previously felt faded every slow step he took towards you. Your hands instantly became sweaty and you couldn’t seem to tear your eyes from his. Should you run? Maybe, if you hurried now, you could make it back to your dorm in minutes. But you stayed. You stayed, watching his every move until he finally reached where you were sitting.

“Hi,” he whispered, barely trusting his voice right now. 

“Hi,” you said back, your voice shaky and low. His eyes looked towards the free space next to you on the bench, a silent question if he could sit. Your eyes widened as you scooted over allowing James to sit. It was silent, something neither of you were used to. Before, it was rare that you two had a minute of quietness between you as the conversation seemed to bounce naturally. But now, it was hushed. James clenched his hands nervously.

“Congratulations on your win, James,” you said sincerely, surprised that you had even said something. James inhaled. He didn’t want to talk about quidditch. He didn’t want to talk about anything, he wanted to lean in and kiss you and tell you how much he truly adored you.

“I need to tell you something.” James let out.

“James-”

“No, please? Let me talk.” You stayed silent,

“I made a mistake at the last party.”

“Really, we don’t have to talk about it. We can just forget about it.”

“No, I don’t want to forget about it. It was a mistake. But not in the way you’re thinking. It was a mistake because I shouldn’t have told you how I felt like that. I feel like a right prat and, and.” James lost his words for a moment before clearing his throat, “I should’ve never told you I loved you when I was drunk. And, I should’ve never pretended I had forgotten about it either.”

This was painful. He did remember, he just ignored it. You managed to pull your lips into a small smile, “James. It’s okay. It didn’t mean anything, we can just-”

“No, that’s the thing. It did mean something. It meant something to me. I have been trying, constantly trying, to find a way to tell you, but I’m terrified of losing you.” 

“You’d never lose me-”

“Y/N, you little shit,” he let out a small joke making you laugh, “Will you please be quiet because I swear I’ll go mad if you don’t.”

“I...  I adore you.” James said finally. Your hands went cold and you struggled to breathe. It was a trick, wasn’t it? Or a nightmare? Or were you daydreaming in the library again and you’ll soon be woken up by the sound of a book dropping? 

“What?”

“It’s true. I adore you. I think you are frustratingly annoying sometimes when you lose at exploding snap, when you argue with me I go a little insane and sometimes you snort when you laugh. I had this whole speech planned out and I was supposed to have flowers, but whenever I see you I just. I lose myself a bit. But, I think you’re amazing.” James shifted in his seat, getting a good look at you. You were thin and had bags under your eyes, but you were still just as beautiful as you were when you were children. “And I. I love you.” 

“Have you been-”

“No. I haven’t been drinking. I’m as sober as a nun and I can say now, finally, that I, James Potter, am terribly and irretrievably in love with you. I have been and always will be.”

You sat there stunned. James bit his bottom lip nervously, looking up at you, eyelashes on his cheeks as he wondered what you were thinking. He had an anxious smile on his lips.

“Say it again,” you said softly. 

“I love you.” James reached and interlocked his fingers with yours.

“Again,”

“I love you.” You let out a breath of shaky air, your lungs could implode. You couldn’t help it. Tears welled in your eyes, you couldn’t even blink them back in time. You could taste the salty tears slip down onto your lips as you began to cry. James looked alarmed and raised his hand to cup your cheek softly wipe the tears with his thumb.

“Please don’t cry Y/N. I’m sorry, I didn’t-”

“No,” you sobbed, “Please. Don’t say anything. This? This is... perfect.”

“But, you’re crying,” James said worriedly, brushing more tears off your face. You felt yourself do something you hadn’t done in a while. You smiled. You beamed through your tears and sent James a dazzling smile that nearly knocked him off his seat.

“I’m not crying because I’m sad. I’m... I’m perfectly happy right now.”

James could feel his own eyes begin to tear up as he sniffled and laughed, “Well you’ve gone and made me all soft now.”

“Oh, James. I missed you.” You leaned comfortingly into his hand.

“I missed you too, Love.” James whispered, “And I’ll never leave you again.”

“Will you say it again, for me?”

“I’ll say it every second of every day if need be, I love you. I love you, Y/N Y/L/N.”

You laughed out in relief, wishing to hear him say those sincere words again.

“I love you too. I love you, James Potter. I’ll love you until I stop breathing, until the day I die and even more.”

“Will you say it again for me?”

You closed your eyes, “I love you.”

Under the stars, the stars you had earlier compared your love to James Potter to, he kissed you. The salty tears of both yours and his mixed as you smiled, beyond joyful, effortlessly happy. A weight slipped off your shoulders and landed on the ground as James held your face in his hand and pushed all his love, his endearments, his affections into this kiss. You pulled away, foreheads pressed together as you felt nothing but content. From the beginning of your life together, James Potter knew you were destined to be together, tied with heartstrings. And slowly, but surely, the love you both shared combined, and not even the stars could outshine it. 

[slut4supersoldiers]

As long as you need

Chris Evans X reader

Summary: You have a bad day but Chris makes it slightly better.

Words: no idea. I literally wrote this in my notes app. Sorry!

Warning: mentions of anxiety, stress, typos and My writing in general lol!

Rating: angst to fluff U/A

A/n: This is a very, very self- indulgent one shot. I’ve been having the highest of highs and extreme lowest lows lately and today has been the latter. So here’s me indulging in my personal antidote to my never ending sorrow. Hope it makes you feel a little lighter too.

A sigh left (y/n)’s lips. She was tired whether it was from the commute or her colleagues or her crippling anxiety was debatable. Perhaps it was a combination of all three. At this point she couldn’t care less. All she wanted to do was to lie down and cry till the fatigue drove her to sleep. Off late the tears had been her only lullaby. Unwelcomed but strangely cathartic! Tonight was no different, she thought as she got ready for bed. Her chest was already feeling heavy; breathing uneven, a tale tell sign of what was about to come next.

But her routine was disrupted by the soft vibration coming from her phone. Putting away the bottle of lotion she reached out to her device.

The bright light from her phone washed the room in a glow. “Christopher” the letters read. And for a moment she smiled.

“Am I disturbing you?” (Y/n) sighed again.

“No Christopher!” He chuckled.

“You aren’t gonna stop calling me that are you?” He tried to sound exasperated but how can he stay mad at her.

“No. Never! I am actually thinking of recording you the next time you sing poohs corner and set that as your special ringtone.” His half hearted resistance followed by a hearty laugh made multiple butterflies rise in her stomach. 

She hated the way he could change her mood in an instant. She hated the effect he had on her. How his mere existence was enough to send her heart into an overdrive and make her palms all sweaty and leave her tongue tied. She also hated that she couldn’t say all this to him.

Think about your friendship (y/n). Think about how he thinks of you as nothing but a friend.

She was spiralling again. She didn’t want to feel any worse so she chose to focus on his voice instead.

“How are you doing bambi?” It was now her turn to protest.

“You need to quit it! That was one time.”

“Oh no bambi! I’ll stop calling you that the moment you stop tripping on your own two feet.” A guttural laugh escaped his lips and she could almost see him leaning back with a hand on his chest. She wished she could actually see him. More now than ever.

Silence. It wasn’t uncomfortable though, it never was with him.

“Never answered my question.” She wished they could stay silent longer than taking about her god awful day. But maybe that could help.

“It was...long.” (Y/n) mumbled.

“Wanna talk about it?” He questioned, cautious enough to not push her too much. He didn’t want to make her uncomfortable.

“How long you got?” She chuckled, the tears not far away from making an appearance.

“As long as it takes for you to feel better.” How can kindness ever move someone to tears? Maybe it’s the rarity of its occurrence, especially in her life, that made her emotional. A simple nod and smile in her direction from a stranger would make her bawl then how could she resist the emotions bubbling inside of her when the man she absolutely adored spoke to her as kindly as a mother would to her child.

“You’ll make me cry Christopher.” She wiped her wet eyes.

“Sometimes I find that helps. Don’t hold back. Even if it’s for a while, cry. Scream in the pillow if you’d like. Can’t say dodger feels as good as I do after that though.” He smiled as he heard a wet laugh leave her lips. 

He knew she was crying. She was emotional. Always had been and he hated himself for not being able to be there. The only thing he wanted more than being able to hold her was the urge to destroy everything under the sun that bothered her.

Tone it down Chris. Don’t go taking advantage of her state. She needs a friend right now. That’s all you are a friend.

They sighed. And (y/n) began to speak. He lied down on his bed and so did she. The soft words of encouragement that left his mouth were like a balm to the everlasting pain. And she felt fine. Really fine. For a moment there was no burden; no toxic co workers, no irate clients, no responsibilities, no anticipation for a better future, no regrets from the past. There was silence and it wasn’t uncomfortable. They could never make each other uncomfortable.

And as (y/n) felt the slumber taking over she thanked the heavens that this time it was his voice that lulled her to sleep. And had they not been trying to toe the line between friendship and love; maybe they would’ve professed their undying love for one another. But the silence and the soft whispers were enough this time.

Part 2

[kozumekenza]

on my mind :: five

:: suna rintarou x f!reader :: playlist :: masterlist ::

:: taglist: open :: wc: 2.2k ::

After a drunken one-night stand with your ex, you thought you could get him out of your life for good. Unfortunately, the two of you can’t seem to keep away from each other. Why can’t you leave each other alone? And more importantly, why is he still on your mind?

tw: alcohol, profanity, mentions of sex

author’s note: this chapter is v self-indulgent + fluffy but i hard a hard time getting it to flow while covering everything, so i’m sorry if it some parts seem kinda confusing. as always, thank you for reading and i hope you enjoy this chapter <3

After another week of deliberation, you were no closer to determining if another relationship with Suna would be worth a shot. You didn’t hear from him or speak to him at practice, even after you rejoined the team on the court later in the week. He kept his distance, seemingly wary of talking to you after you left him at his kitchen table Saturday morning. 

You weren’t quite sure what to make of it. Based on his reaction Saturday, you guessed he was probably pissed at you, and you didn’t blame him. He had specifically warned you about regrets on Friday night, and you completely blew him off, just to tell him you regretted everything the next day. It was a dick move on your part, and you understood that. There weren’t any excuses; it was simply your drunk versus sober self warring against each other. 

Nonetheless, you still felt awful. You kept your distance; you didn’t want to further anger Suna with your presence. During practice, you kept to the sidelines, performing your duties with a calculating eye and absolute precision. 

Still, by the end of the week, you were exhausted. Besides the intense contemplation you were performing in your head, work was also draining. Sakusa Kiyoomi sprained his wrist (apparently, it happened quite often), Yaku Morisuke nearly tore his ACL (a devastating injury for a libero), and on top of it all, Hinata Shoyo somehow managed to break two toes, his pinky finger, and got a concussion. Top it all off with the fact that Tobio Kageyama was always hovering over Hinata when he was injured, questioning your every move, and you had a recipe for disaster (or at least extreme exhaustion). By the time Friday’s afternoon practice was finished, you were ready to fall asleep while standing up.

You said your goodbyes to the team, approved the weekend’s schedule with Iwaizumi (it was your turn to work Sunday’s practice match), and took the train home. After unlocking your apartment, you debated whether or not you should go straight to bed without dinner or suck it up and make something quick and easy. In the end, your desire to not wake up starving at five in the morning won, and you went to change before starting dinner. You threw on some old running shorts and Suna’s stolen jersey, which had become your new favorite sleep shirt (who could blame you, it was comfortable as hell). 

However, a quick search through your cabinets and fridge showed that you had almost no food, whatsoever. Not a big deal, you could just run to the convenience store down the street. 

So you did, with no makeup, dressed in sleep clothes, hair in a messy bun. 

Grabbing a basket, you made your way around the small store, ignoring the stares you received from other customers (you chose to believe it was just because of your tangled hair, but you knew it was because you were wearing a Japanese National Team jersey). You picked up some eggs and noodles for ramen, along with some broth. You were in the frozen food aisle, considering the merits of cookies and cream versus matcha ice cream, when someone tentatively called your name.

You spun around, cursing yourself for not at least putting on a jacket, when you began to curse yourself even more for wearing the stupid jersey. 

You came face to face with Suna Rintarou, who was considering you with a pained expression on his face. 

“Hey, Suna,” you switched your basket from one hip to the other, “what are you doing here?”

He held up the package in his hand. Jelly fruit sticks. “Had a craving.”

You inclined your head. “Cool.”

“What about you?”

You looked down at the basket. “Needed stuff to make ramen.”

He nodded, then looked off to the side before looking back at you. “Um, y/n, who’s jersey is that?”

Panicking, you laughed. “Just an extra I found.”

“Really? It has my name on the back.”

Shit. “Oh, well, must be a coincidence, I guess.”

He cocked his head to the side. “I also lost mine a few weeks ago.”

“Oh wow, that’s awful, I’m sorry.” You turned, trying to make an escape.

“Y/n.”

You looked back at Suna. “Yeah?”

“That’s my jersey.”

You laughed again, dread really becoming apparent now. “What? No way.”

Suna just continued looking at you. “Your bra is at my apartment.”

You quickly shook your head. “No-”

“So is your torn skirt.”

“No, tha-”

“We slept together.”

“Yeah, but only-”

“Twice.”

“No, def-”

“And you knew.”

You were really starting to panic, hands waving around, like that would somehow convince him. “No, no, no.”

Suna looked you in the eye. “We need to talk.”

You sighed, accepting defeat. “Yeah, I guess we do.”

---

After awkwardly paying for your food and an even more awkward walk back to your apartment, you and Suna were finally in private.

“D’ya want anything to drink? Water, soda, juice? Wine, something a little stronger? Vodka?”

Suna just sighed, shrugging out of his jacket. “Water’s fine, thanks.”

You poured him a glass of water and yourself a glass of wine, but not before taking a few shots of vodka. You were going to need it to get through this. You approached with the glasses, setting one down in front of Suna before curling up on the other end of the couch. 

“Nice place you got.”

“Thanks.” You sipped from your glass, waiting for Suna to make the first move. When it became apparent that he wasn’t going to speak until you did, you spoke up. “I’m-”

“We-”

You laughed, setting down your glass. “You can go first.”

Suna took a deep breath. “We both have fucked up, in the past and now. I’ll admit it. The way I treated you in high school was shitty, and it’s taken me a long time to own up to it. I’m sorry for all the pain I caused you back then. And I don’t know if it’s you getting back at me, or purely coincidental, but I’m kinda hurt that you hid this from me. I mean, for fuck’s sake, y/n, I talked about it in front of you. And you just kept quiet!” You silently watched as Suna took a sip of water. “I guess my main question is why. Why didn’t you say anything to me? Were you just hoping that I would never find out?”

You assessed Suna, allowing yourself a moment to think. “I didn’t hide it from you to get back at you. I’ve long since forgiven you for all of the shit in high school, and it wasn’t just you. I was immature and insecure back then, so for what it’s worth, I’m sorry too. I think I didn’t say anything because I was scared. I mean, I woke up that morning in your apartment, with no memory of the night before, and I hadn’t seen you in eight years. I had no clue what happened or why I was there. I didn’t know why you were in Tokyo, and honestly, I thought you would’ve been disgusted. We hadn’t spoken to each other in a long, long time. I didn’t want our first meeting after all those years to be an awkward morning-after. And about the jersey,” you laughed a little to yourself, “that was pure coincidence. I had no clue what I had taken until I got home, and I had no idea how to return it.”

Suna nodded, seemingly thinking something over before speaking. “I forgive you. I’m not even that upset about everything, to be honest. I think it just kind of hurts that you kept it from me. And I’ll admit, I was really bothered when you just left last Saturday. I don’t know how much of what you said Friday night is true, and I was a little drunk too, but I meant everything. I didn’t want you to have any regrets, and I don’t regret it.” He chuckled to himself, “I mean obviously, I wish we had slept together under different circumstances, and I wish that you didn’t regret it either, because it clearly made you upset.”

“I think it just took me by surprise, that was all. I had promised myself that I wouldn’t get drunk and sleep with you again, and I did exactly that. I was upset at myself, and I took it out on you. I’m sorry.” You made eye contact with him, hoping that your eyes could convey the emotions that your words could not. “For what it’s worth, I meant everything as well. I did miss you, all those years we were apart, but I hope you understand why I had to leave back then. We were tearing each other apart, constantly. I had to do the hard thing and get out before there was nothing left.” Tears started to well up in your eyes, and you quickly wiped them away. “I had to leave. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, because I loved you,” your voice broke, “no, because I still love you, so much. For eight years, I focused on bettering myself, and I tried every single day to forget about you, but you were always on my mind. And I was terrified when I saw you again, fuck, I’m still terrified. But you’re my best friend, you always have been, and I love you, Rin.” You couldn’t stop the tears that were flowing now, after bearing your heart. You let Suna pull you in, and cried into his chest as he stroked your hair and whispered calming words. When the tears finally stopped, you remained tucked into Suna, your head underneath his chin. 

“I never stopped thinking about you, or loving you.” Now Suna was the one who sounded close to tears. “You can ask ‘Tsumu. I always asked him for updates on you. I remember, when I got my National Team letter, the first thing I did was ask ‘Tsumu if you’d be a trainer here. I kept up with you, and I knew you had just completed your training with another team. So I knew you were gonna be here, and I thought, maybe, just maybe, this was my chance. Our chance to fix the whole ‘right person, wrong time’ thing we had. ‘Cause that’s what I’m convinced it was. We just didn’t know how to balance each other out yet or how to be in a real relationship yet. We were still kids, learning about ourselves and the world. When you left, I was determined to not make it the last time I ever saw you. I knew you had to leave, had to find your place in the world, without me. I never blamed you. You did the hard part by leaving. What you didn’t know, though,” Suna hugged you a little closer, “is that I was always there, right next to you, cheering you on.” Now the both of you were crying. “I want to fix things with you, make things right. If there’s anything I learned last Friday,” Suna gave a wet laugh, “it’s that we can still talk to each other, and we can do it better than we ever did. I want to be with you, again. I want there to be an us, again.”

You sat up a little, putting some space between the two of you. This, you weren’t so sure about. You looked to the side, trying to avoid Suna’s pleading eye contact. “Rin,” you looked back up at him, “you know I love you. You know I missed you so, so much. But I just need a little bit more time. And I’m sorry to even ask you-”

“Shh, shh, it’s okay.” He held you close as you began crying again. “I understand, I do. I’ll wait, as long as you need me too, I’ll wait for you. Just promise me that you’ll let me know when you’re ready.”

You nodded against his chest. “I promise, Rintarou. Thank you.”

You stayed there, head on his chest, just listening to his heartbeat. It felt as if a weight had been lifted from your shoulders. It was nice to get everything off of your chest, to figure out where the both of you stood with each other. It was nice to know that you would have the time and space to sort your head out, to fully work out if a relationship with Suna was a good idea or not. There were still so many aspects of your high school relationship that you had pushed to the side years ago, and you needed to sort through it. You needed to separate that Suna from this Suna, the old you from the present you. You needed time to be in a better mental state, one where you could give him your all. 

But you knew, no matter how much time it took, Suna would be waiting for you. 

---

When Suna finally left your apartment, it was hours and a teary goodbye later. You promised to keep in touch, and he promised to give you time and space. 

You went to bed feeling significantly lighter, dreaming about a future where you could fall asleep on Suna’s chest every single night. 

taglist: @sunasexual @call-me-lulu​ @ntimacy​ @circleglasses​ @porcolie​ @keikotaro 

[alderaani]

prison break (echo x reader)

A valentines gift for @just-some-girl-92 as part of the event being run by @starwarsfandomfests! Thanks so much for putting another one of these together @lilhawkeye3, and I really hope you like this Dell! I think credit for white haired Echo goes to @/amiro-art? That was the first place I saw it anyway, and I’ve really liked the headcanon that it’s like that post-techno union ever since!

Based on this prompt: Character A moves in next to Character B. They have conjoined balconies and A's pet/child wanders into B's apartment.

Fives and Echo are both reunited and well in this because everyone gets to be happy on Valentine’s Day and I said so. We don’t need canon on this blog.

The other side of the wall explodes with noise. 

It makes you pause, looking up from the knitting trailing over your knees to cock your head towards the opposite apartment. You think you hear the screech of furniture legs being pushed along the floor, then the frantic rumble of several male voices speaking over the top of each other, the clatter and clang of things as they are removed and replaced.

It’s odd. When Tith-Mar lived next door, you used to hear it every time he coughed, or swore at that awful old holodrama he used to watch every Taungsday. As much as you tried to stop yourself you couldn’t help but get invested, and that was almost worse. Out of pride you never put it on your own unit, but that just meant you ended up half pressed against the wall, eventually not even pretending you weren’t listening to Capula and Mont confess their love. It had given you something to talk about, anyway, when you went onto the balcony to water your plants and he went out there to smoke the fancy deathsticks he joked he’d live and die by.

In the year since the war ended and Tith-Mar was finally able to move back out to be with his daughter on Ryloth you’ve never quite gotten used to the quiet. There was a strange comfort in knowing that there was someone on the other side of the wall. Maybe it came from the three years of water shortages and occasional outages - or, notably, the rampage of the Zillo beast, which hadn’t come quite close enough to flatten you in your sleep, but had downed enough of the power grid that you’d been locked in your apartment for five rotations. You miss the soft Rylothi folk music he used to play in the mornings, and you miss seeing him sometimes, blowing smoke up into the brisk Coruscant mornings with his blue lek, faded now in old age, wrapped around his neck like a scarf.

You just miss the comforting assurance of having someone else there. If it wasn’t for the sound of the door going, and the occasional thump of something being moved, you’d hardly know that you had neighbours at all now. It’s almost funny to think back on the furore it caused when the Republic bought the apartment for GAR resettlement. It led to the only neighbourhood meeting the building has ever had, and you’ve been very glad for that fact after discovering that a solid faction of your fellow citizens are bigots. It’s something you knew, objectively, but witnessing it from the people you personally rub shoulders with was a harder pill to swallow than having to watch some of the anti-clone protests on the holonews. You’ve not tried to remember the more colourful misconceptions about clone troopers aired by prim soft-handed mid-levellers as they sat in a lobby you can remember the Coruscant Guard clearing rubble from with nothing but their hands. However, you do very vividly remember someone from two floors up asking you if you’d ‘really feel safe’ living next to ‘those walking warmongers’, being young and living on your own. You’d shut that down, of course, and the resulting vote had passed in favour.

You’d honestly half expected the troopers to reject the place after that, and you wouldn’t have blamed them either. 

Everyone had known the day they moved in, had pretended not to watch as a GAR issue speeder loaded with two armoured figures and a meagre quantity of possessions had pulled up on the walkway and made their way cautiously inside. You’d thought about introducing yourself, knocking or something, but concluded in the end that they didn’t need anyone else ogling them. You’d figured that there would be plenty of time for that later...and now here you are, a whole year on, and that glimpse is just about the closest you’ve ever gotten to them. You think they still spend a lot of time off-planet, helping with the reconstruction missions the now-voluntary GAR conducts throughout the Mid and Outer Rims. You hadn’t even been sure that they were home at the moment, actually. 

There’s no doubting it now, as the frantic thumps and raised voices continue. Through your balcony door, cracked open to catch some of the soft breeze the weather engineers have scheduled today, you can make out a little of what their voices are saying, one frantic and forceful, the other softer, but no less worried.

“ - kriffing hell, can’t believe we’ve lost...Rex will have our heads…”

“...can’t have gotten far...can’t even walk!”

“ - already checked the fresher, Echo!”

“It can’t hurt to check twice...knew we shouldn’t have…”

You bite your lip, turning round while debating whether you should offer your help. Then you freeze. The baby on the other side of your caf table freezes too, chubby hand poised to grab the cookie you’d been saving for later. They’re standing on legs that wobble a bit, and there’s a glint of steely determination in the dark eyes that fix on your face. 

“Hello,” you say a little weakly, realising very abruptly what the troopers must have lost.

The kid appraises you for a moment longer, brow furrowed and intent. There’s a huge amount of judgement there for such a small face, those focused eyes taking you in for several very long seconds. Then they huff, and very deliberately turn their attention back to the cookie. You smother an incredulous laugh. 

“Not impressed, huh?” You say, carefully setting your knitting aside and uncovering your legs. “Can’t say I blame you, I prefer cookies too.”

The baby doesn’t dignify this with any attention, instead making a soft crowing noise as their little fingers strike victory and retract with the cookie firmly in grasp. When they immediately move to cram it into their mouth you burst into action, leaning across the caf table to swipe it. Just those mere seconds of contact have made it slightly damp. 

The baby’s face scrunches in outrage, and they let go of the table edge, sinking down onto their padded bottom with a sharp, high noise of annoyance. They don’t cry, but the frown is something spectacular.

“Sorry, kid.” You force yourself the rest of the way up, keeping a hold on the cookie with one hand. Can kids this young even eat solid foods yet? Do they have any allergies? You don’t have any siblings, so the last time you were around a baby was when you were one. For all this one’s bravado, they look awfully breakable. “I’ll hang on to this for now, yeah?”

You don’t think that they’re old enough to understand what you’re saying, but the huff the baby lets out feels extremely pointed. You stare down at them on your rug.

“Don’t suppose you could give me any pointers on how to hold you?”

It turns out babies are wriggly. You put the cookie down long enough to hoist the kid into your arms and attempt to manoeuvre their little arms and legs so that they’re not jabbing into your vital organs, but at the sight of the food being placed far away, the kid lets out a piercing noise, right into your ear, and attempts to kamikaze their way back to it. A body that two seconds ago was ramrod solid and deliberately unwieldy is suddenly boneless and impossible to hold onto. Your brain goes empty of everything but wrestling with several pounds of struggling infant. 

You end up on the floor, eventually, but at least both of you are in one piece. You’re breathing heavily. The kid’s face is thunderous. It’s very cute, but you can’t wait to give it back and appreciate that from a distance. Somehow, you manage to settle them onto your hip.

“What the f - heck was that for?” You ask, purely to make yourself feel better. Even if the kid could answer you, you get the feeling they simply wouldn’t. “Was it because I put the biscuit down?”

The kid makes a huffing noise. You roll your eyes, but can’t help smiling. The baby’s dark, just-curling hair is soft against the skin of your upper arm, and their weight is warm and solid against your side. 

“I’m not taking it away from you. I’m gonna let you have it, just need to make sure it’s safe for womp-rats first. And return you before those poor guys tear their place apart, okay?”

You re-collect the cookie and struggle back to your feet, looking towards the open balcony. Visions flash through your mind of the baby pulling that boneless trick out there, with nothing but spacelanes separating them from the ground 50 stories below, and...no. You’re not even vaguely risking that. The front door is definitely the better option, but somehow more daunting, as you stand before the neighbouring apartment with your heart in your throat.

The second you knock, the frantic voices inside cut off abruptly, and then you hear the mad scramble that ensues to reach the door. It wooshes open, and suddenly you’re face to face with your neighbours for the first time. 

They’re less identical than you’d expected. Maybe that’s a stupid thought, but it’s the first one that stumbles, half formed and dazed, into the open void your brain has just become. The second, very unhelpful follow up, is that they’re also much prettier than you’d expected. Not that you’d necessarily expected anything, but - you’ve never seen one of the clones without their helmets before. The Corrie Guard, back during the war, had made a point of never taking them off as far as you’d ever seen. That was apparently a crying shame. One of them has thick, dark curly hair, a tidy goatee, and a tattoo on his forehead. The other’s hair is a sharp, startling white, interrupted by metal nodes of some sort. Some sort of post-war medical adaptation, you assume. He’s slightly leaner all over, his eyes a little larger in his face. But the way both of them sag against the door frame is exactly the same.

“Thank the fucking force,” The dark haired one breathes, clutching at his chest.

The other trooper elbows him sharply in the ribs. “Fives.”

“She’s ten months old, Echo. She’s not gonna repeat it.”

“She just escaped from our apartment after General Skywalker swore up and down she’s not mobile yet. It’s gonna be her first word just to spite us.”

You laugh before you can stop yourself and flush a little when all attention snaps back to you.

“That I can believe,” you force yourself to say. “Hi. I think I found something of yours.”

You hold out your armful of infant and - you presume Fives is his name - reaches out to take her, groaning in relief. 

“Thank you,” he says, fervent, taking a moment to bury his face into the child’s hair. She puts a determined thumb into her mouth and stares at your hand, still clutching the cookie. The trooper turns her in his arms and holds her up at eye level. “You are a menace, Leia. I thought we were gonna have to call in a search.”

It’s nice to have a name for that little displeased face. Leia regards the trooper for a moment before sticking her hand into his face. His eyes are impossibly warm as he pretends to gobble her fingers, and it is, quite frankly, cute as fuck. He turns his attention back to you, but just as he opens his mouth, the sound of a comm going off somewhere behind them cuts through the moment.

“That’ll be the General,” The white-haired trooper laughs. “You better take her and show him, before he raises down half of Coruscant trying to get here.”

Fives nods, flashing another blinding grin at you, before he and Leia are gone. The trooper you’re left with blows out a breath and scrubs a hand over his face. 

“Well,” he says, his mouth crooking into a wry smile. “That was exciting.” 

He sticks his hand out, and when you take it, his palm is rough and his grip firm. You give him your name without thinking about it, staring into the kind, golden depths of his eyes. They crinkle at the corners when he grins. 

“I’m Echo. And - I know Fives already said it, but seriously, thank you. Where the shab did you find her?”

“Trying to steal biscuits from my caf table,” you say, laughing openly when Echo drops his face back into his hand and groans with embarrassment. “I think she got in through the balcony door.”

“Force, we didn’t even think of that. What a first impression, you must think we’re idiots.” 

You shake your head, enamoured by the faint colour you can see rising in his cheeks. He brings his metal hand up to his face and presses the cool prosthetic against his skin. 

“Not at all. You should have seen the look she gave me when I found her, she knows she’s in charge.” 

Echo smiles bashfully. “It’s the first time we’ve ever won the lot to babysit the twins, our Company would have crucified us if we’d lost her.” 

“Then I’m very glad to have provided a rescue.” 

There’s a short silence as you fidget with your sleeves, strange anticipation churning in your gut. There’s no reason to keep standing here now that the pleasantries are done with, the baby exchanged, but...some part of you resists it, almost looking for an excuse to stay. He and Fives are the first new friendly faces you’ve met in a long time, soothing a sting you didn’t know was there.

“I - um -,” Echo begins suddenly, shifting a little. The colour in his face deepens. “I really like your plants. I’ve always meant to say something. We keep trying to guess what they are.” 

“Oh!” Your heart turns over in your chest and you wouldn’t be able to stop the smile bursting onto your face if you tried. Those damn things are so hard to keep alive through the unpredictable engineered weather. You don’t think you’re particularly house proud, but you do preen a little that he’s noticed. “Thank you, I, um, I water them every morning. I could...go through them with you one day? If you like?” 

Echo’s head dips an assent. “I’d really like that.” 

You linger a moment longer, a pleased thrill still lingering in your belly, but there’s no putting it off now. “I suppose I should let you go. But...please knock if you need anything.” 

Echo smiles. “Hopefully not in pursuit of any more babies.” 

You’re just about to turn away when you remember the cookie in your hand, slightly smushed now. “Oh! Can you give this to Leia? I wanted to make sure she could eat them, first, but I promised. Seemed only fair, since she went to all that trouble.” 

Echo huffs, his expression softening, taking the cookie with careful hands. “I’ll make sure her highness gets it.” 

Then you go back to your quiet apartment, somehow deflated when faced with the monotony of your knitting and your music. You hear a few more sounds from the other side of the wall, faint laughter, perhaps a child squealing, and find your curiosity has not been sated at all.

It’s a wonderful surprise, then, when two days later on a clear, sunlit morning, you slide open your balcony door to water the plants and find Echo waiting, his face tipped up to the brightening sky. There is a packet of cookies resting on the duracrete by his feet, and two steaming mugs of caf on the railing by his elbow. 

It feels like something special...It feels like a beginning. 

taglist // @nelba @leias-left-hair-bun @battletales @bad-batch-of-fics @iscream4clones @majorshiraharu @snippytano @missinashkin @808tsuika @eries45 @dom-i-nic // 

[turtlegirlave]

So this has a ton of opinions which I usually stray away from but i really let all my opinions out here. Also there is definitely fact mistakes, probably name mistakes and some incorrect singing terms in here, I wrote this at 2 A.M. with a limited knowledge of theater I’m just trying to get a point across.

Why s2 of hsm the series should have been newsies instead of beauty and the beast:

They say straight up in the show “we need a real Alan Menkhen musical” and they pick beauty and the beast instead of newsies, a literal Broadway stage production???

At first I assumed it was because the cast was primarily male, but that isn’t even a reasonable argument. 1)as shown by s1 when a boy played sharpay, gender doesn’t matter when being considered for a role. 2), a cast with multiple male leads would give the gay men in the show a chance to shine, instead of shoving them to background roles like Chip. Not to mention Carlos is a dancer, and newsies is a musical driven by choreography. 3), since nini moved there are only like 2 lead females anyway, which works for the 2 female roles in newsies.

Casting Wise, the play works SO MUCH better!

Ricky: jack kelley is a much better role for him than the beast for many reasons. First, their personalities are very similar with the mischievous main teen vibe, so the role would be like Troy where Ricky can slip into it easier. Second, it fits him better vocally. It is very clear from listening to Joshua basset sing that he has a relatively high vocal range, and singing low notes or in a deep voice doesn’t come as naturally to him. Jeremy Jordan has a similar vocal range, where he stays in higher octaves and more rarely uses a deep, monotone voice (at least never to the beast’s extent). Ricky would sound perfect singing in Jack’s vocal range. The beast, however, sings almost exclusively in an extremely deep, monotone voice that Joshua cannot easily perform.

Ashlyn: not only does she look quite similar to Katherine, but they have similar personalities as well. Also, katherine’s high and bubbly singing voice would sound lovely with Ash’s, which is also high and bubbly but often softer. This would allow her to push herself to sing louder and more confidently. And she still gets to play a smart bookworm lead female role.

Kourtney: she was born to play miss medda larken. Mrs. Potts’ debut song “beauty and the beast” is a soft romance ballad, which does not match kourt’s stadium reach, strong, powerful voice. “That’s rich” not only shows off her vocals better, but matches her personality and voice much better with the grit and power behind it. Also, Mrs Potts as a character is the soft, motherly type. Miss medda is a rambunctious, empowered, “I got men if I want em but I don’t need em” kinda woman. Which role better fits the girl power, loud, activist, personal cheer squad type person that Kourtney is?

Carlos and Sebastian: not only would this stop shoving the gays and only interesting men other than Ricky to background roles (sorry big red), but it would show off their talents. Seb would make a wonderful crutchy, with his innocent nature and likeness to the character. It would also give him a chance to flex his vocals and sing a duet with Ricky in Santa Fe, further developing the friendships in the show. Carlos could play really any of the main boys, I mostly think he would kill in this due to his dance and choreography skills, which newsies really emphasizes.

Big red: PLEASE this boy would be perfect as Ben Cook’s role (can’t remember the newsie’s name). They’re both the kinda dumb but endearing friend type, and he leads “king of New York”, a song with a killer tap dancing break, which is the whole reason big red wanted to try out! His chemistry with Ricky as crutchy would make that a fine role for him too, but since Sebastian has stronger vocals I think it’s better for him to take a more prominent role while big red relies on his dancing skills over singing.

Gina: though there’s no more lead girl roles, I think she would kill it as mr. Pulitzer. They could add some spice to the character through her insane dance skills, and she would play a great “cunning yet intelligent buisinesswoman” type. This dude also gets 2 or 3 songs, and honestly I don’t remember who she plays in Beauty and the beast so idk.

EJ: I admit Gaston is a perfect role for him and I can’t fit him into newsies well. He would play a good spot conlin, though it is a significantly smaller role. No one really cares about ej though so small loss.

Plot valuability:

doing newsies makes literally way more sense. Firstly, they are kinda planning entering this show last-minute compared to the competition, so to pick a show already written and choreographed for stage production would really save time. (Even though it would still need work to be condensed for a high school production). Second, miss Jen is so determined to stand out from the crowd and win the contest so she picks... beauty and the beast? One of the most popular Disney movies (and honestly with one of Alan’s weaker soundtracks compared to tangled, Aladdin, and the little mermaid imo). Having them do newsies, especially when switching up gender roles like casting Gina as Pulitzer, would actually make them stand apart from the dozens of schools performing Disney movies. It would also give a significantly more impressive vocal and dance performance, since the songs were written for Broadway singers rather than actors. The set is also more cheap and condensed, while still looking professional, which would help with their “we’re too poor and late to afford a straight-up aquarium so let’s do the most with what we’ve got.” Putting the characters in these roles would also not alter their development or main story plots much, besides strengthening certain friendships and pushing aside less popular characters (ej). It would also give more rep for the gays as well as switching up gender roles. Imagine, the gay guys get actual things to do in the show and aren’t defined by the sole plot of “my boyfriend rich” relationship drama! (I love these two but I am a tired ace). Also jerjor performs in both this and tangled the series, so it’s a double whammy for Alan menkhen representation.

Marketability: I know the musical has to be widely known and appealing to viewers. People watched s1 because they love hsm. People also love beauty and the beast, so viewership may raise with fans of the movie. Newsies doesn’t die here, though. It is a very widely popular play among theatre people, and existed first as a movie musical so it isn’t exclusive to theater kids. Also, fans of Newsies are generally between their tweens and early twenties, the exact age demographic for the show. Beauty and the beast is a classic and more widely known, but also doesn’t draw in large numbers of the exact age group you want. Also, the fact that newsies is a little less mainstream only helps the plot point of them choosing it to still have something well known while also standing out from the competition. Doing beauty and the beast is not only an awful choice for casting that limits the actors vocals or is completely out of their range, but it also makes them blend in with the crowd.

Final notes: beauty and the beast was IMO the worst choice for the play this season. Movies like Aladdin and tangled both have very energetic and loud soundtracks that allow these characters to belt their hearts out. Beauty and the beast has a very folksy, quiet, ballad type of track that limits the actors. The only actor that I think sings ballads better than big booming tracks is Nini, who isn’t even in the play this year. Ricky also sings great ballads, which is why ballads that are still slow but also emotional and powerful like “Santa fe” or “something to believe in” (which would sound AMAZING in his and Ashlyn’s voices) fit much better than the deep voice of the beast that he can not comfortably sing in. Also, the beast has very few songs whereas newsies would allow him to belt his heart out in nearly every song with that lovely voice he has. The age range of the newsies cast (that characters are supposed to be 17) fits better with these very teen actors than a movie about old fashioned French young adults. Really newsies was the best musical choice for this season, but I also believe beauty and the beast was the last one they should have chosen.

(After reading comments I rescind my statement that beauty and the beast was the worst choice, but it’s still second to newsies imo)

Feel free to debate me in the comments or point out my mistakes, I’m very open to other points of view

[angeloncewas]

Does the fact that CCs can now get away with a lot by pointing fingers at mcyttwt concern you as well? I keep thinking about that part specifically regarding the party thing. I don't think these responses would be tolerated if they came from other content creators. This is one side effect of the toxic behavior on twitter I feared.

Ohhh boy. Yeah, it does.

(Sorry, I don't think you wanted an essay, but it happened.)

I am very happy that the problems with mcyttwt and the culture it has cultivated over the past few months (give or take) is being brought to light and directly addressed. It's some bullshit cliché rhetoric, but the first step really is recognizing that you have a problem and at first glance this speaks to good things.

We've seen it happening more often in a variety of cases. Remember that thing I always bring up about the twibbons? And how it's completely ridiculous to demand a mass-change of profile pictures on a public platform for the sake of your personal well-being? Well, a similar problem arose yesterday, and the responses were... really good. Some of them were rude - people always take stuff too far - but the top replies were a polite, but firm, "if the pfps are bothering you, maybe you should get off of Twitter." That's progress ! Very good progress as these people recognize and encourage the curation of ones' own environment and mental health. And that's just one example - I've seen plenty of others where I was pleasantly surprised by the way Twitter users pointed out the bad behavior in their midst.

The new problem (or one of them) is that people tend to think in a very black-and-white mentality. I'm not saying I don't - we're all in this together - but it first felt worrying to me in response to Jawsh's repost of his tweets. The ones that fiercely condemn what he refers to as "stan culture," seemingly generalized to twt communities.

People were agreeing with him. Not like a "he makes some good points" type of agreement; a wholehearted, all-in, fuck these people and this platform and everything that mcyttwt is attitude from the stans' own mouths (or, uh, keyboards). The discussion was no longer "here is what our community is now, here are the problems, here's how we fix them," it was about pointedly distancing themselves from that toxic - and frankly embarrassing - group they were just in.

And that's where we get to the content creators themselves.

The timing lines up nicely with that burner thread - the one showcasing mcyttwt in all of its horror and glory - but I'm more inclined to call that a coincidence than a catalyst. Regardless, the creators - after months of cc neg and twitlongers and DNI lists only growing - think that they're fully aware of the state of the "mc twitter" fandom. That it really is this hivemind of crazies who rag on everyone for every little thing. Jawsh was right, Schlatt was right, stans fucking suck and are idiotic little fatherless mentally ill children-

Do you get where I'm going with this?

I'm trying not to sound too slippery slope fallacy-y because I know that poking fun at the flaws of your fanbase (or ones adjacent to you, depending on who you are) doesn't mean you're about to go full Noah Hugbox on their asses. And, at the end of the day, this specific instance was just a legal party with some surrounding debate. A debate that they... didn't even stop to consider. Which is fair, I suppose, they don't owe us anything, but like I said that makes me worried about the precedent that's unwillingly being set.

The fact of the matter is that it's very, very easy to slip into one of two parties: for, or against. When it comes to content creators, this is usually the blind rage they go into when they see criticism and the automatic way their brain files it into the tidy folder up there labelled "hate mail." I feel like we've already seen Dream get close to becoming that kind of person (understandably, he gets a lot of shit) -but he managed to catch himself around his first contact with Hasan and things (I think ?) have been pretty decent since then. Great.

There's no telling how other creators will react to that kind of shift though. And I know it doesn't sound like a big deal because "we don't control their lives," but I'm thinking big-picture here. I'm not pulling arguments out of my ass when I say that seeing "mcyttwt" as a bullshit community full of keyboard warrior sjws who need to go out and touch some grass is a full 180 from the current state of the fandom and that's not inherently good. Mcyttwt is extremely hyper-critical, but their concern often stems from genuine fears as minorities and wants to do better and make sure that other people do the same. I don't think that people outside of the community see that and a lot of the people who criticize it don't want to because they're not actually invested in the community's well-being, they're just mad they can't be racist without getting ratioed anymore. Yes, it's just the internet and some things are pointless to get mad at, but the online space is still the real world and people's shitty-ness is still... shitty.

Do I think they can get away with anything? Not really, no, but I'm curious to see what the future holds. It's easy to be apathetic and say "I don't give a shit what creators do" - have a sort of relationship where criticisms are dismissed because their attitude in turn is "fuck those people" - but in my opinion that's not a healthy way to consume content. That's how all those awful fucking people slid on by for years and the community was dominated by "edgy" folk who'd sooner mock you for your pronouns than give a performative "trans rights." I hope for progress, but this feels a bit like regression.