#if you’re calling their relationship ‘pointless’ cause they’re not dating at the end maybe stories just ain’t for you bro

[nicholasmoorethetwittermigrant]

Seeing the entire point of the Loki finale, and Loki/Sylvie’s relationship in particular, fly completely over some people’s heads is giving me flashbacks to how people claimed this was “a bad ending for Steve.”

[bbyboybrock--archived]

Shipped (Colby Brock Imagine)

Summary: *REQUEST* Omg your requests are open!! Can you do something about colby and reader dating in secret and she’s always hyping him up on everything and fans just think it’s cause they are best friends. But she posts a post wearing the love for hire letterman on accident and the fans connected it because Kat and Tara have it to so they figure out they are dating and go crazy (in a good way) for them 🥺❤️

Written: 2020

Word Count: 1,967

Warnings: Major fluff, Swearing

Masterlist

I harassed Colby into letting me listen to their new music. Let’s just say, when you guys hear this, you’re going to be glad One Direction is on a break. Can’t help but stan L4H!! #numeber1fan

I press "send tweet" before plugging in my phone and taking a quick shower. When I get out of the shower I grab my phone and throw myself onto Colby’s bed. It’s our bed at this point. I spend more time at the trap house than I do my apartment, I might as well move in. I go and read the comments under my tweet. Most of them are good. Some fans want me to leak the boys' music, others are freaking out over mine and Colby’s friendship. Someone makes it a point to mention how cute Colby and I would be as a couple and linked an edit that they made. Someone commented that fans like them, the one that posted the edit, are the problem and the reason why Colby doesn’t have any friends who are girls. There is a whole fight going on under that comment.

I quickly try to defuse the situation between the fans before exiting twitter altogether. I take my towel off of my damp hair and walk back into Colby’s bathroom to detangle it. When I finish doing my hair I grab the first jacket of Colby’s that I see to get warm. Lucky for me, it’s his Love for Hire lettermen jacket. For whatever reason, this jacket is more comfortable than any hoodie I’ve stolen during our entire relationship, maybe it’s because it smells strongly like him. Or maybe it’s because I get to finally live out my high school dream of wearing my boyfriend’s lettermen. Either way, Colby knows that this is my jacket now and he’s going to have to fight me to the death for it back. I don’t know if it’s because I freshly showered and my hair is fluffy, or because my skin is thanking me for not putting makeup on it yet, but something is compelling me to take a selfie in Colby’s bathroom mirror.

I get up on to the counter and try to position myself comfortably. I take a few selfies, while carefully not exposing Colby’s messy counter. I do cute poses with peace signs and my tongue sticking out. I do serious “model” poses with hair looking like I’m in a photoshoot. I take a couple and post them on my Instagram story. I triple check each one before pressing send to make sure they end up on my close friends’ list and not my public story. That would be disastrous. I saw how people were acting in the comments of my tweet supporting Colby when a fan posted an edit wishing we were dating. I can’t imagine how his fan base would react if they knew we really are dating and have been for well over a year.

Well, I can imagine how they would react, I’ve been around Colby long enough to figure out how his fanbase functions. Most of his fans would be supportive. Of the majority, there would be roughly half who constantly would show their support over our relationship. The other half would keep quiet and try not to mention it directly so they don’t “jinx” it. No matter how open Colby is with his fans, there is still so much of his life that he has to keep private from the rest of his fans who wouldn’t be supportive of our relationship. The obsessive ones who think that Colby is a toy and belongs to only them. In all honesty, Colby and I probably would have been together longer if it wasn’t for them. We probably wouldn’t have been friends. There was a period in his life when he wouldn’t make any new female friends because of what his old friends had to go through. Because of that, Colby has always been protective of me.

Even though we’ve been friends since he moved to Los Angles, he only introduced me to his fandom two years ago. Even then, it wasn’t like, boom: “here’s a girl that I’m friends with, be nice!” Colby made sure I was properly acclimated to his side of internet stardom by having me appear in all of his other friends’ videos and photos first before a strand of my hair was placed in one of his videos. And then he said, “here’s a girl that I’m friends with, be nice!” Being a Youtuber myself, I have some experience with fandoms. But nothing could prepare me for his intense fans. For the first couple of months after Colby put me on his channel, I understood why Colby kept so many of girl friends in the dark or why some chose to stop being friends with Colby in general. It’s only a select few fans, but when there are so many comments of harassment and death threats it can get overwhelming.

Those comments died down after a while though. Mostly because I either mute certain words from my comments or I don’t read them. Colby and I try really hard to hide our relationship. If we’re in videos together, we don’t sit too close. We keep our hands to ourselves; even a simple hand on the shoulder can cause a frenzy. We only post our couple pictures on our actual secret Instagram accounts and close friends list. Our friends know not to post anything where we might look too much like a couple. We make it a point to bicker like siblings whenever we do work together. Hell, the reason I still have my apartment is to avoid people finding out we’re dating. If I have my own place, people just think I’m visiting the guys whenever I’m over. And it works, everyone just assumes that we’re really close friends.

“I’m back and I bring food!” Colby yells as he opens the door to the room. I plug my dying phone back into the charger before abandoning it in the bathroom to greet Colby.

“Oh thank God, I was beginning to think you were with your hoes. But then I ran into Sam, Jake, and Corey in the kitchen so I relaxed.” I give Colby a quick kiss and help him with the shopping bags in his hand. I set them on the bed and start going through them.

“I wish, but they were too busy for me. So I went and got us stuff for this weekend.” Colby sets the food down and helps me unload the bags.

“Oh that reminds me, we need to stop by my place after dinner so I can pack my things.” Te whole friend group is renting a log cabin in woods for Thursday to Monday morning for bonding and to get a few collars done. Colby went and got a few road trip snacks without me. Probably because I would get distracted at Target and we would never leave. It’s fine, he remembered to get my favorite snacks.

“Yeah, okay, I figured. We could have gone earlier but I had to let you sleep in after you spent all night watching tiktoks.” Colby walks over to the couch and starts to set up our lunch in front of the tv.

“To be fair, I’m not responsible for the time lost when I’m on the tok. Besides, I learned more dances to teach you!” I take off Colby’s jacket and set it at the foot of the bed before joining Colby on the couch.

“Of course you did. You know how much I love learning a new TikTok dance every day.” Colby jokes before kissing my forehead. He hands me my food and turns on Netflix.

A few minutes into our show, there’s a loud, rapid knock at the door. Annoyed, Colby paused the show and puts his food down.

“What?” Colby asks as he gets up to open the door. Sam stands on the other side, relieved. The last time Sam knocked on the door like that, Colby and I were busy… rearranging furniture.

“Oh Colby, you’re home. But I’m not here for you. Y/N, did you mean to post that on your story?” Colby moves aside to let Sam in.

“Haha, Sammy, I’m not falling for that one. Colby already tried that on me last week.” I go back to eating my food and ignore Sam.

“No, I’m being serious. Katrina said she kept trying to reach you but you’re not answering. Fans are freaking out on twitter.”

“Oh shit!” I quickly put down my food and grab my phone in the bathroom. There are miss calls and texts from Kat, Tara, and Devyn. I unlock my phone and open Instagram to check my story. Sure enough, I accidentally sent one of my selfies to my main story instead of my close friends. The selfie looks harmless enough, except I’m wearing Colby’s jacket and it’s very obvious that I’m in his bathroom. Jake moved in some of the cardboard Colby’s into Colby’s room and one of them faces the mirror, you can kind of see it in the selfie. Most people might think nothing of it, but earlier this week Kat and Tara posted pictures of them wearing Sam and Jake’s jackets. With that association alone, everyone is going to find out.

“I don’t get it, there’s only a selfie on here. Did you already delete it?” Colby yells from the bedroom. I slowly walk out of the bathroom with a confused look on his face.

“Please tell me you’re joking.” I open up my story and check how many people have seen it.

“What, I’m lost… Oh… Oh! Oh, fuck!” Colby finally gets it and does something on his phone.

“‘Oh fuck’ is right. So many people took screenshots that even if I deleted it now, it would be pointless.” I walk to the bed and throw myself facedown, like a teen in a movie after having a shitty day at school.

“And you guys are trending on Twitter,” Sam says. I almost forgot he was still here.

“Dude,” Colby warns.

“Not helpful, I get it. I’ll be downstairs if you need me.” Sam leaves the room and I let out a scream as soon as I hear the door close. I feel the spot next to me sink as Colby sits down and starts rubbing my back.

“Hey, Y/N, these aren’t as bad as you think. I’m only seeing positive messaged. Look,” Colby gently pats my back to get my attention.

“Really? Let me see.” I sit up, sniffle, and peek at Colby’s phone as he reads.

“Are you crying?” Colby asks as he wipes my face.

“I immediately got overwhelmed. Let me read the tweets.” I take Colby’s phone scroll through the tweets. He’s right, they’re mostly positive. I haven’t seen a negative tweet yet. That’s the opposite of how I thought this would go. A few people are telling other fans to stop assuming, but even those are calm compared to the fight I saw earlier.

“See, I guess we were stressed all this time for no reason. We can do normal couple things like our friends and not go out of our way to hide everything.”

“That’ll be nice. It was getting exhausting. What do we do now? How do you want to approach this? Live stream? Youtube video?” I look at Colby and he has a big smile on his face.

“Right now, let’s just finish lunch. We can deal with this later. Now, I’m going to take this back. I don’t want you to start crying again.” Colby strokes my hair and kisses my forehead.

“I love you, Colbs,” I say softly.

“I love you too, Y/N.”

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Dating Kevin Pickford

(Not my gif)(requested by anonymous)

(I love this pointless movie)

- You and Kevin meet after your friends convinced you to go to one of his parties. You could of made up ten different activities you’d rather do than go to a highschool keg party but your friends insisted and you soon found yourself packed into their car.

- Now you had had a little crush on Kevin for a while, ever since freshman year when you saw him for the first time, so even though you weren’t very excited to spend your night surrounded by your drunken peers you were a bit excited to maybe, hopefully see him.

- So you arrive at his house; let’s pretend this is another party that didn’t get shut down, and you walk through the front door to see the typical shit show. You stick by your friends for a while, nursing a beer and trying to convince yourself you’re having a good time. That is until your friends all but ditch you to go and mingle.

- Soon enough you’re all alone standing uncomfortably in the relatively abandoned kitchen. You’re debating the idea of just leaving, walking home didn’t seem all to bad given the circumstances, but just as you feel like you’ve made up your mind...in walks the host. You felt like your heart was going to jump out of your chest when you saw him, you stared down at your cup hoping he would just sort of ignore you as he rummaged for whatever it was he was looking for.

“How ya doin?” Shit.

- It seemed like he was just trying to be friendly so you gave him as much of a smile as you could muster and a small “fine” before glancing down at your drink again. From your experience this was usually when the person would just nod and walk out but he didn’t. He gathered the stuff he had came in for but paused at the counter.

“I don’t think I’ve seen you around before... whats your name?”

- I think you’d have to be a year younger than him because if you were in his grade prior to this he would have asked you out or at least spoken to you before. So you’re a sophomore going into junior year and he’s a junior going into senior year.

“Oh you wouldn’t really know me, I’m a sophomore. My friends brought me, I’m y/n.”

“Oh cool man cool. I’m Kevin.”

“Yeah, I-uh, I know,” you chuckled a little. “Nice party.”

- He smiled and was about to say something before he was called back to the party by a loud shout. “Well I’m gonna go deliver the necess-it-ies. You should come out, join the living, raise a little hell.” And then he was once again lost in the sea of people flooding his living room.

- After he was gone you freaked out for a hot minute over the fact that you had just talked to your longtime crush. You decided that maybe you could stomach a little more of the party and took a deep breath before wandering out of the kitchen. It was maybe thirty minutes later that the two of you found each other again and started up a mini conversation.

- Soon enough the two of you were heading up to his bedroom so that you could actually hear each other speak. You spent a surprisingly long time just talking to each other while the party went on downstairs; it was four in the morning by the time you checked the clock again.

- You figured it was time for you to go home, so you stood up and began to say goodbye before he tried to convince you to stay a little longer. It’s nearly impossible to deny him, it’s pretty much been your dream for this exact scenario to happen. You promise to stay for another hour, which turns into another hour, and finally you really need to go so that you can avoid meeting your parents at the front door. He asks for your number and you write it down for him before you leave.

- You end up walking home in the rising sun which almost feels like the perfect way to end the night.

- He calls you a few days later asking if you’d want to come over which you obviously agree to. You get together, chat some more, listen to music, all that fun teenager shit. But then he leans over and kisses you, pulling away with that gorgeous smile of his and, well, you’re walking on clouds for the rest of the day.

- Later on you kiss some more and he gives you a “so does this mean you’ll be my girlfriend from now on, cause I think I’d like that, a lot”.

- Listen most of your dates are more or less just the two of you hanging out not really doing much besides enjoying each other’s company.

- But he does take you to a drive in restaurant for dinner so you can count that as your first “official” date. He wanted to “give a good first impression for your relationship”.

- You’re together like 90% of the time. The both of you are kind of clingy with each other and neither of you seem to mind.

- Whenever you’re together he always has some form of physical contact with you at all times.

- Sitting on his lap.

- He loves PDA but it’s mostly because he just loves affection in general.

- He’s a big baby who likes being cuddled and that’s a fact. He lowkey loves being the little spoon but it genuinely doesnt matter to him how you cuddle as long as you do it.

- Keeps tabs on you whenever you go out together. He usually stays close by or at least knows where you’re going to be, he likes to make sure you’re alright.

- You definitely have little routines together whether it be when his parents almost catch him smoking or cleaning up after a party or just when coming home from school.

- Helping to make sure his parents don’t catch him smoking in his room. You’re usually sent out to distract them or you clear things up while he talks with them.

- He’s so interested in your talents and hobbies, show him what you’re passionate about baby! He wants to know!

- Always being offered free booze or weed.

- Awkward first introductions to his friends when they crash one of your hangouts to try and buy some herb.

- Being invited to all of his and his friends parties.

- Helping him plan his parties.

- Helping him with all his antics.

- He’s always fiddling with something whenever you’re together so be prepared to see him doing something at any given moment in the corner of your eye.

- Making out, he could kiss for hours.

- Always having shotgun reserved for you.

- Laying on the hood of his car together and talking about random shit.

- Trying to hide your laughter while you listen to his weird weed fueled theories and stories.

- He shows off everything you make or do, he’s a subtle cheerleader.

- You spend most of your time in his room, sitting in his egg chair or on the windowseat while he smokes a joint.

- You’re constantly on the same wavelength.

 “Thats what I was gonna say!!”

- Braiding and running your fingers through his hair.

- He plays with your hair as well, twirling strands between his fingers and stroking it when you’re cuddling.

- He’s honestly so adorable and absolutely smitten with you. All his friends can tell he’s whipped but he doesn’t care.

- He thinks it’s so cute that you had a crush on him, well that’s if you ever admit it to him.

- Hand holding especially whenever you’re walking together.

- Staying up till dawn together.

- Making flower crowns together, dont deny it he’d do it. 

- His parents love you and are always really sweet, his mother is an absolute angel.

- He isnt going to force you to smoke with him but he does need you to accept that hes not stopping just because you dont want to. He’ll agree to not smoke around you because thats fair enough but he’ll still do it with his friends or on his own. I can assume you’re alright with that if you want a relationship with him.

- Kevins pretty chill so there’s rarely any fighting and the fighting you do have are more so just arguments rather than actual fullblown fights. They’re usually over a dangerous idea or stupid action he had/did. These arguments usually end with him realizing and admitting you’re right or saying how he can see why you’d think that. He gets it even if he doesnt think its as big of a deal as you do.

- Kevin is a moderately jealous person, he doesnt think every man you talk to is a threat to your relationship. He’s pretty calm, which is what you’d expect from a stoner, he more so just smirks at the guy he knows is flirting with you and shows that you’re his with an arm around your shoulder and/or a kiss. He never dwells on it or let’s it ruin your night. 

- He’s a very loyal boy, no cheating, no flirting with other girls. You’re the only girl he has eyes for.

- Swapping clothes and accessories.

- You share pretty much everything; food, drinks, homework, joints, a single braincell. 

- Going to the emporium and playing fooseball and pool together or jokingly cheering him on while he plays someone else.

- A lot of nicknames; he definitely calls you flowerchild and other very 70s sounding ones. 

- Having a lot of Polaroids together.

- Concert dates.

- Record store dates.

- Late night hangouts.

- Going on random trips to different stores to get food or drinks.

- Well if you’re becoming a junior then you’ll have a year in highschool without him in the near future. He doesn’t really mind waiting for you to graduate so that you can advance your relationship but it will bother him when he isn’t able to see you for more than six hours, five days a weeks

- Probably proposes to you in bed, late at night with a “how would you like to be a Mrs. Pickford?” while he spins the ring between his fingers.

[flower-of-the-desert]

hey, i really liked your posts about ep12, it helped me a lot to put things into perspective. i was wondering if you could share your thoughts on the 2gether finale as well, coz right now i just wanna cry im so disappointed with it =(

Aww, thank you, anon. <3

Ok so my thoughts on the finale are kind of all over the place but I’ll try to explain as best as I can and hopefully it’s gonna make sense.

Like I said, in my original post I dont love the ep but I dont hate it either. I suppose I fall somewhere in the middle. I enjoyed a lot of it - seeing all the couples progress and be happy together, Man/Type especially were just so adorable, Mil and Phukong starting to build something with each other (lil bro using Sarawat’s pick up line was a really nice touch, love that), Mil being an all around awesome supportive friend to BOTH Tine and Wat?? We love to see it. The way he turned up at the football field where Wat was being his angsty self and literally kicked his butt into taking action - *chef’s kiss*

Him and Fong are now the parents of the baby gays I dont make the rules.

Wat’s confession on stage and his song that he literally named after Tine and when he said he never confessed to Pam because he didnt know what love was before he met Tine - perfection. Absolute perfection. I’m here for it.

And Tine’s heartbreak was so well done too, I just felt so much for him.

Again, as I said, the whole thing with Pam didnt turned out exactly as I had hoped but it wasnt the worst case scenario either so I’ll take it. I’d rather have Pam making a mistake and realising it and backing off while assuring Tine that Wat really does love HIM and even though she tried Pam didnt stand a chance because it’s always gonna be Tine for Sarawat and she understands that now over her being an actual bitch who keeps trying to seperate them and uses the situation to her advantage. I mean they could have gone that way too - Pam didnt have to give Tine that recording or to tell him how Wat changed after meeting him but she did, I think, as her own way of apologizing for what she’d done. So yeah, overall, I’m fine with this.

ALSO NOBODY DIED SO THAT’S A BIG PLUS.

(History 3 MODC can’t relate)

ANYWAY, so those are the positives for me. Which as it turns out is most of the episode yay! Now onto what wasnt quite so positive.

My main issue with this episode is the resolution to Wat and Tine’s conflict. Mainly, there really... wasnt one. And I’m not talking about the physical intimacy thing, I’ll touch on that later but more importantly for the ending - the emotional intimacy. None of the problems they had were properly addressed. Tine’s insecurities were rooted so deeply that despite Wat spending 12 EPISODES doing anything and everything to show his love and adoration, Tine still couldnt really believe it. And that’s not gonna be resolved with a simple recording.

And on the other hand, can you image how all of this would make Sarawat feel? Like no matter what he does, no matter how much of himself he gives to Tine, his boyfriend still would find it easier to believe that Wat is just using him as a replacement for someone else. That’s gonna fuck with his head even if Tine came back. I really really wished they had talked at least a little about these things.

Like maybe if we didnt have half of the episode filled with pointless flashbacks there could have been time to actually talk... (tbh, part of me kind of wonders if they purposefully put in so many flashbacks to fill in the air time so they wouldnt HAVE to write those scenes which leaves me ?????).

I think I mentioned this too in the other post, but the Wat/Tine reunion echoes beat for beat the Fighter/Tutor reunion with all its issues but while WhyRU has a reason for why things turned out like that, here I just... I dont know what could have been the reason for 2gether’s writers? Unless they also couldnt film everything they wanted...

And then there’s the... “high-five controversy”, let’s call it and again I find myself in the middle of the argument. I stand by what I’ve said before about how I feel about the way they handled physical intimacy between the characters - yes, objectively and critically speaking, I’m not here for writers/directors/channel/whoever trying to censor the physical intimacy of an established couple. There is nothing wrong with two partners wanting to kiss/cuddle/have sex/etc. Sex isnt something dirty (I mean it can be depending on what you’re writing BUT THAT’S A DIFFERENT GENRE OK, we are not talking about smutty fic here cough cough) and shameful that “pure” people shouldnt be enjoying (lovely post on the topic here I was just thinking about it last night). And it’s about time show creators got with the programme, ESPECIALLY when it comes to non-straight couples.

As of ep13 it’s clear to me that 2gether went through some serious censorship - lots of people have talked about how it’s a thing that they do on this particular channel and maybe that’s all it is, I dont know. I dont want to speculate what’s been going on behind the scenes since I dont have any idea and sadly I dont think the writers will ever be willing to talk about it. I’d LOVE to hear their throughts on this matter tbh and why they decided to do things this way.

So on an objective level, this is bullshit. Subjectively, and this is where my personal opinion comes in, I wasnt as bothered by this as I normally would be because I’ve been enjoying all the other aspects of the relationship that the show successfully built up and prtrayed on screen. Does that make sense?

Specifically about the finale, though, I agree with the complains. Part of why the reunion felt so underwhelming and disappointing, I think, was not only the lack of emotional intimacy but also the hella.... awkward? physical “intimacy” they showed? The scene absolutely did call for a kiss or a hug, at the very least. Instead they were standing 2 feet apart cause... they’re not gay? I really really do not understand what happened there in that scene. I’ve seen some people mention that the finale was filmed before the other episodes so the actors werent used to each other yet and honestly I can see it - watching Tine and Wat in that ending montage felt like I was watching them at the beginning of their fake dating when both were awkward and unsure of where they stood with each other rather than seeing an established in love couple coming back together after going through something tough.

So these are my thoughts on the finale. It wasnt the best one I’ve ever seen but not bad enough to ruin the rest of the show for me (and there’s NOTHING I hate more than bad endings ruining a story I’ve fallen in love with so there’s that) and I do really love this show and its characters so much. It’s hard, even impossivle to find a perfect show from start to finish and honestly I’ve come to believe that’s not as important as what you get out of it - if the show makes you happy, despite whatever writing issues it might have, that’s the most important thing, I think. And 2gether did that for me. So I’m glad I watched it.

Omg, this got so long. Again. If you’re still with me, anon, you’re a hero. I hope I was able to help you. <3

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 14x14 “Ouroboros”

conclusion: yes, apparently feet can look gay, and Dean and Cas are both queer by proxy

04:35pm

me: still v magnesium deficient, sick, dizzy

LET’S WATCH A THING AND THINK ABOUT IT WITH MY PUDDING BRAIN

any thoughts stated here are run through a pudding filter so please do not be alarmed if they are incoherent or a weird colour

okay it’s a Steve Yockey episode so i guess he’s gonna give us a great character and then kill them before the title card

-

04:41

hang on i need to eat and i can’t eat and think at the same time so i’mma go watch an episode of shaun the sheep brb

-

04:46

okay well i watched half an episode and ate half my food so,... yay

LET’S WATCH THIS OTHER THING THEN

-

04:48

sam’s “i believe in us” *PUNCH* still makes me laugh

-

04:49

the body on the AAAAAAAAAAAAA I’

M SCREAMING NOPE NOPE NOPE

-

can i just watch this whole thing with my hand over the screen

because that is what i’ doing rn

oh god i hate this

-

actually you know what

i just skipped to the title card

cause fuck that haahahhaah nope

-

oh lord it didn’t skip to team free will

how much of this do i have to take

-

oh okay tfw are here already

WELL GREAT NOW I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT WHERE TO SKIP BACK TO

ASJFSDFHSFHSJ

-

04:54

i fuckin love rowena and how much they ask for her help even though they’re “enemies” except they’re clearly lowkey Fond of each other

also i like how this ep started in the middle of the case

-

04:56

rowena: “hello castiel” ;) ;) ;)

okay well

this pleases me

because i know the only way this ends is that cas is not interested and that’s the Point

because he <3s dean

but also why the hell is rowena into cas....... surely she knows he loves dean. unless she’s just into starting shit, i wouldn’t be surprised

-

04:58

the way jack says “i’m not dying”

10/10

-

04:59

cas: “he’s now claimed the lives of six people in northern new mexico”

why does he say “people” like that

-

05:01

dean’s throwing a looooot of salt at rowna. maybe because she keeps flirting with cas

-

“everything means something”

YEAH EXACTLY

DEAN’S SALTY BECAUSE ROWENA’S FLIRTING WITH CAS I’VE DECIDED

-

05:03

sam says dean can keep michael locked in his head “because he’s dean and dean is dean”

yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah okay

expert closet curator, you mean

-

05:05

dean has a good feeling about bringing rowena in on this one??????????????? after all the snark????????????

cas: “they do have many books”

me: *squINTS REALLY HARD* i feel like they’re implying something else and neither of them are talking about the same thing. did dean set sam up on a date with rowena????????????

also?

DEAN AND CAS ARE ON A DATE. DEAN AND CAS ARE ON A DINNER DATE IN A DINER. ALERT ALERT ALERT

paralleling rowena and sam perhaps

-

05:08

concerned head tilt

oh god their love and mutual understanding and trust in each other is killing me with its softness

i’m so so so glad we get to see them in some downtime at fucking last

-

05:10

oh no jack’s coughing again

why can’t he have nice things

-

05:10

dean: “that’s what i’m supposed to say, right? i’m fine? keep on moving?”

cas: “no, dean”

the fact dean lets his guard down only with cas in private ;~;

-

sidenote, this episode is giving me my bloody valentine meets hunteri heroici vibes, which is nice because they’re two of my all-time fave episodes

but god i wish it would go easy on the cannibalism

-

05:14

dean: “i’m barely even sleeping” :D

THAT PAINED GRIN OH GOD

but also

i’m so emotional because he told anyone at all, but especially that of all people he told cas

of course he told cas, cas is his emotional sounding board

if this were a fanfic cas would offer to share the bed with dean and help him sleep

....but i mean, who knows, maybe dean was secretly hoping for that anyway

-

05:19

that’s the face of “dean doesn’t know what liturgical means”

-

05:22

jack: “what’s an av club?”

cas: “it’s a special club for people who do not play sports”

dean: *points at cas* “him. he’s av club”

mmmmmmmm yup

autistic nerd

dean’s baseball and track team, cas is av club and student tutoring

but also if dean ever got cas onto the baseball field cas would hit every ball first time

and dean would be swooning

BUT ALSO DEAN WOULD FUCKING LOVE AV CLUB ARE YOU KIDDING ME

he’d be in there with charlie every fuckin day and leaning seductively on furniture while cas does his nerd thing, until the point where something properly capures dean’s interest and then HE WANTS A GO and bats away everyone else’s hands and hogs the contraption for 3 hours. also he’d fix things when they break

DEAN TONE DOWN THE PROJECTION A NOTCH WOULD YA

JEEZ

look i’m just gonna count dean calling cas “av club” as flirting, because hello yes there is no way dean doesn’t find that interesting

-

05:30

i fucking knew it

the moment this episode opened and i saw the guy’s bare feet in the kitchen somehow i knew he was queer ??????????

like

i can’t explain it

but the fact there was a shot of his feet and his feet looked gay i can’t even

anyway this probably doesn’t even count as legit queer rep given he’s seducing guys and killing them so

stupid gay feet

sidenote: did ANYONE else get queer vibes from that opening scene? CAN PEOPLE’S FEET LOOK GAY OR IS THAT JUST ME

maybe it’s like... the sensuality of bare feet + cooking, breaking pointless gender roles n stuff, my brain has been coded by society’s bullshit to perceive sensual men as non-heterosexual

idk

but also. the foot-upward view of a new character... male gaze, right? and seeing the male gaze on a male character makes it queer

goddamn

it’s a thing

it’s a thing and the directing got the point across and it took me until now to work it out

GAY FEET

-

also

now i’m going back to cas’ line “six people”

my initial understanding of that line was that they weren’t all men

but the thing was the people didn’t need to be said that way if it was just men and women

my immediate instinct said the victims were non-binary, but i didn’t type it because i had no reason yet to believe that might be true and it seemed unnecessary to say it

but at this point, as the baddie hits on a guy at a truck stop in exchange for a ride, they’re clearly potentially queer victims

so

yeah that explains the inflection

-

05:41

on the one hand, i’m seeing a connection to that time dean was seduced by a siren

but see my problem with this is that the guy’s either gonna end up dead or saved and i don’t know which yet

i just want happy queer stories

so i’m pretty divided about this

but on the other hand, please, god, let this gorgon guy “sense things” about dean

ALSO WAIT

IS THIS THE FIRST GAY KISS ON THIS SHOW?????????? 90% SURE THIS THE FIRST GAY KISS. there might have been a background one once

PROGRESS HAS BEEN MADE

EVEN IF IT’S EVIL AND TWISTED AND MAKES ME FEEL WEIRD

-

05:44

i feel like there should’ve been an optic nerve attached to that eyeball.. and a lot of gross stuff

but also thank goodness there wasn’t

ohdfjfdg i really hate this

but also i’m smiling?

-

05:46

cas: “is this amusing to you?”

the guy called him sir!!! eeheheh

-

05:47

cas: “you’re not standing alone, why doesn’t he mention me?”

dean: “maybe you’re not his type”

i mean. guess he can’t see angels. BUT ALSO

CAN WE UNPACK HOW UTTERLY QUEER EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS

WE NOW UNDERSTAND THAT NOAH’S TYPE IS QUEER GUYS

AND DEAN KNOWS THIS

SO BY SAYING CAS ISN’T NOAH’S TYPE THAT MEANS HE’S IMPLYING THAT HE HIMSELF IS

BECAUSE HE’S QUEER AF

steve yockey, this is the episode i was waiting to see from you

team free will working a case together, dean and cas on a date talking about their feelings, on a case about queer stuff

hell fucking yes

-

05:52

rowena: “need anti-venom in case one of you boys gets sloppy”

wouldn’t that mean noah kisses either cas or jack

god i’m so glad rowena’s there too

this episode is great sdgsfkg

-

05:53

ROWENA AND SAM FAKING A RELATIONSHIP + A DOG OH MRJGJD IFUCKING LOVE THIS

WHERE DID THEY GET THE DOG

WHERE’S THE BIT LATER WHERE DEAN AND CAS ~FAKE~ A RELATIONSHIP PLEASE

-

05:55

OH MY GOD THE VET STUCK A THERMOMETER IN JACK’S ASS

OH MY GOFH D:

-

06:00

noah: “then he doesn’t have to die like all the other men”

hmmmmmmm

okay so all the victims were men

which makes me even more curious about why cas used that inflection on “people”

cas also looked like of amused? definitely a misha expression rather than a cas expression, the little lilt of a smile on his lips like the way he says any word starting with “h”

maybe some of them were transgender men and cas didn’t know them before they died so could only guess as to their gender? maybe some of the bodies they found were not gender-conforming

it also kiiiiind of sounded like misha changing the script after a discussion on set about it

but if that were true then that means someone on set doesn’t believe gay or queer men are men? maybe? maybe i’m reaching there

but i’m genuinely caught up on that inflection and the use of that word, it really stood out to me

and it stands out especially, now, because like i said, we know the victims were men, we know team free will found them all, and we know they were queer.

but also it’s not dean saying it, it’s cas

and i can’t imagine any scenario where cas would have trouble with non-binary pronouns

if anyone has further thoughts on this, please direct me towards them

-

06:23

my browser broke?? and i lost a chunk of this post, but i had the above stuff backed up in email

i'mma go back a bit and try and remember what i typed

-

idk i think it was just about the fact noah confirmed all his victims were men which further confused me

and then said he also eats ladies

and then said some feminist stuff which made me sad that it came from the bad guy

but also that i could imagine cas saying something similar, deadpan, and then reaching for dean’s burger

-

* schmooch *

whEN DOES DEAN GET TO DO THAT

-

06:28

okay YES

I KNOW WHAT I WANT TO SAY

NOAH SAYS HELLO TO DEAN

WHY JUST DEAN

WHY IS HE FIXATED ON DEAN WHEN THERE’S 3 OTHER PEOPLE IN THE ROOM? and why only write the letter to dean?

I’LL TELL YOU WHY

BECAUSE DEAN’S BISEXUAL AF

AND YES HE IS HIS TYPE

REPRESSED “STRAIGHT” MEN WHO SECRETLY LIKE GUYS

CAN THAT BE ANY MORE OBVIOUS?? I THINK NOT

i love how this episode refers back to some of the older episodes, in the best possible way

conclusion: dean is bi

-

06:32

noah took the bag with the snek inside but i guess the snek esckep

-

06:34

maybe true love’s kiss will wake dean up

CAS QUICK

MIGHT AS WELL TRY RIGHT

-

06:40

hurts my heart how cas has apparently made peace with the fact he’ll outlive dean and sam

i guess it’s good but

can’t help but believe deep down he would rather die than live without them

-

and now i’m crying because cas says the point is that you got to know them at all

suddenly catharsis for future pain

-

06:47

oh NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAGGIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

D:

THIS IS THE WORST

-

06:47

rowena as michael??? okay, that i can get behind

ooh

BUT ALSO

OH NO

-

06:49

michael (about dean): “it didn’t work out. it was him. not me.”

flip of a classic dating line, making this QUEER AGAIN

-

06:55

JACK THE LIL HERO

WHAT DID YOU DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

//waits for the silence to be over

-

06:56

oh boy

-

06:57

OKAY WOW

WHAT AN EPISODE

i was really hoping it would turn into a plotty one, the way changing channels does at the end

this was really well done and i enjoyed it a lot!!!!!!!!! i mean, besides the squicks, and the fact the queer rep and feminist lines came from a bad guy

dean was 100% noah’s type

jack is the bestest baby bean

i feel so bad about the thermometer thing..... like, i’m not sure if it was meant to come across as funny? but there was no indication it should be... which is good i guess? but also i feel secondhand violated

DEAN AND CAS’ DATE AND TALKING ABOUT FEELINGS WHEEE

i like that this episode actually came full circle on that “dean vs michael” point, rather than having it be a one-off conversation and things aren’t resolved until a later episode

i think i’m gonna enjoy rowena as michael. and i like that she said yes because she does care about team free will

sad about maggie :c

but also all those other extra hunters were changed out pretty much episode so there was no real way to know who they were. they seemed pretty diverse though, across various episodes

i liked the asian lady vet!!!! she was fun. and i’m glad the asian gay guy didn’t die... where did he even disappear to though? who knows

overall 10/10? it had all the good shit i like so. yep.

I WANT MORE EPISODE LIKE THIS. QUEER CHARACTERS (PREFERABLY NOT EVIL), MORE ASIAN CHARACTERS, MORE TEAM FREE WILL ON HUNTS, MORE LADIES GETTING COOL ROLES AS PART OF THE TEAM AND/OR AS AN FRENEMY, MORE JACK SAVING THE DAY

MORE ROWENA IN PANTS

yeah

but more of all

MORE GAY KISSES FOR DEAN AND CAS

i love that the fact noah was fixated on dean put him in the “noah’s type = queer” category, and when noah kissed cas it did the same thing

so really, by evil proxy, noah made a point of showing us who’s queer

i mean we already knew

but HE SHOWED US

yee

-

no conclusion on why cas said p e o p l e though

[bellarkefanfiction]

Sick of Losing Soulmates

written by: Josefine / @selflessbellamy

prompt: AU where Bellamy is a soldier and Clarke is a medic? Any time period works. Preferably happy ending! for anonymous

word count: 3728

If anyone had asked eighteen-year-old Clarke Griffin to talk about her dream for the future, she would’ve painted a picture of old Parisian cafés in mesmerizing watercolor; talked about how she’d spent hours there doing art like all the great French painters, eating croissants in her true element. This romanticized ideal is so far from her current reality…

… Which is a warzone. Afghanistan, to be more precise.

While Clarke thinks that wars are always pointless, causing destruction and mayhem when it isn’t necessary, the countless lives that are put on the line still matter, also the non-American ones. So for the past six months, she has spent her days in a military tent on constant watch over the wounded, her hands cracked from the harshness of the hand sanitizer.

As always, you can’t save everyone. The deaths keep her up at night, haunt her, and each time she finds herself wondering why the hell she agreed to take this job if all it does is leave her in pieces. However, she saves people, too. That’s important to remember.

For what it’s worth, today has been less hectic than usual. When the stars come out from their hiding, Clarke Griffin and the pre-med student Maya Vie have only treated two soldiers with minor, non-conflict related injuries. Running a hand through the back of her messy hair, Clarke walks to the tent opening to get some air while it’s chilly; her forehead is still clammy with sweat from the heat.

She tries to think about things back home that make her heart swell, such as her dad’s homemade dinners and a good cup of coffee, but it all seems very distant now — like she’s in another world, or at least in some place where everything she used to care about and value is out of reach. Sensing tears gather in her eyes, Clarke releases a ragged breath.

Wait. What is that?

Quickly, she blinks to chase the blurriness away and some figures take shape in the distance as they move closer and closer. Over her shoulder, she yells to wake Maya up. In this world, there’s no time for naps.

Two minutes later a couple of soldiers burst into their tent, carrying a comrade of theirs on a makeshift stretcher. It’s too dark for Clarke to make out his face, but the unharmed tell her that he’s lost consciousness. Three gunshot wounds to the chest.

He’s losing blood fast.

When the two other soldiers — sergeant Miller and corporal Monroe  — place the wounded man on the makeshift operating table, all of the air is knocked from Clarke’s lungs. Oh god no. The whole world shifts as its axis as he comes into view, and she can barely make out the words. “I need blood, Maya! O positive!”

Fetching the pints and hooking them up for transfusion, the med student looks utterly baffled. Meanwhile, Clarke’s heart pounding against her ribcage, because it’s him. Naturally, he’s gotten older, but age doesn’t fool her — it’s the same freckles, curly hair, and broad shoulders. She’d recognize him anywhere.

Sure enough, as she turns on the lamp so she can stitch him up, the embroidered name tag on his front pocket becomes clear: BLAKE.

“How do you know his blood type, Clarke? We could—“

“I know him, Maya!” she doesn’t mean to yell, but desperation is clawing at her chest, making it difficult for the words to emerge. While she bites her teeth and stitches him up to the best of her ability, a million questions wage war in her mind, the most dominant one being: What in the name of the universe is he doing here?

Sweet, book-loving Bellamy Blake.

In the end, all she can do is wait until the transfusion is done to see if he’ll wake up from this. Her hands are trembling, covered in his blood as she sinks down beside the makeshift table and struggles to catch her breath. Through all the chaos, she barely had time to process the fact that this man she just tried to save is not some heroic stranger.

He was someone who changed her life — someone she never forgot.

“How do you know him? I’m so sorry…” is what Maya says, placing a hand on her shoulder in comfort. Sighing, Clarke glances over at him for a moment. Is it really his blood that’s stuck like grime beneath her fingernails?

While she looks at him, her burdened mind suddenly floods with memories, and somehow they make her smile, if only a little. Then she tells her assistant, “He was my lab partner in high school… I haven’t seen him in six years.”

Maya Vie is no fool. She notices the tears that linger at the corners of her eyes. “But he was more than that, wasn’t he?”

Oh yeah, he was.

Managing a nod, Clarke admits, “I lost my virginity to him. We dated… for a while.”

And still, that’s far from the whole story. Honestly, it’d be too much for her heart to tell it now, given the circumstances. Her lower lip wobbling, Clarke brushes her fingertips across the bronze skin of his forehead, humming a little, which is something he used to do all the time while he was putting books away or driving in his car.

To her relief, Maya doesn’t attempt to pry for any further information. Instead she goes to one of the cots at the side of the tent to sleep. “You deserve to call it a night, too,” she sighs, empathetic as ever, and yet Clarke can’t bring herself to leave her ex-boyfriend’s side (you know, in case he goes into shock or something…)

“I’ll just watch him for a bit.”

In the end ‘for a bit’ turns into the entire night. By the time her eyes give lose to exhaustion, fluttering shut, the sun has begun to rise. The rays fall on his face just as she remembers, and the sight makes her heart quiver. If he doesn’t make it through this, she’ll never forgive herself.

An uncertain number of hours later, Bellamy’s low groan stirs her awake. Even though her head is heavy from lack of sleep, she feels instantly awake, her eyes widening as they watch his face contort in pain. Because of this, it’s almost inappropriate for her to be this relieved, but she can’t help it.

When he tries to move, Clarke places a hand on his chest to push him back down. “Don’t move,” is her direct order. “I just took three bullets out of you last night.”

At the sound of her voice, Bellamy’s brow furrows, almost as if he’s unsure whether he’s still dreaming. “Wait…” with that, he slowly opens his eyes and turns his head despite the fact that it must hurt like a bitch. Once his gaze settles on her, his jaw — which had been clenched in pain — slacks. “Princess?”

She tears up on at the familiar nickname, though she blinks quickly in order to hide it. “Hi. Long time no see, huh?”

Looking at her, he manages a smile that actually reaches his eyes, making them fill with light. “Yeah, tell me about it. Pity that we should meet again under these circumstances,” just as she’s going to nod, he teasingly continues, “But hey, at least you’re used to seeing me like this. Horizontal, I mean.”

Rolling her eyes, Clarke snorts. “Well, how fucking appropriate. I should have expected it,” despite her words, she can’t resist an easy grin. “We haven’t had sex in six years, so it’s a bold statement, Bellamy.”

He only winks at her.

But then he takes her hand, his touch so soft that it nearly startles her. When he speaks again, his voice is marked by an emotion that she can’t identify. “I really loved you, you know.”

Why would he tell her this now, after all these years? Maybe it’s because he thinks he might die, or that he will never have another chance. Although the timing of his words is random at best, hearing him say it makes her heart quiver in her chest.

Managing a smile, she gives his hand a reassuring squeeze. “You proposed to me, so yeah… I know that.”

She still remembers that night, will likely never forget it. Because he knew her well, Bellamy’s proposal wasn’t extravagant or formal; it was a typical night in his car, which they’d parked on a field in the middle of nowhere to watch the stars — they used to do this all the time together. As though it were yesterday, she remembers hearing the sound of soft rock from the radio before he pulled out the ring.

Maybe it could’ve worked out in the end. It’s weird to imagine what her life would be like had they eloped after graduation as they planned. When it all fell apart, their paths taking opposite directions and driving them away from each other, the break was inevitable.

At least she’s told herself that over and over; that he wasn’t the one.

“I still remember the day I received the ring in the mail,” he mutters, frowning. Then he turns to her, his dark brown eyes apologetic. “I figured it was my own doing. That I let you get away.”

Brushing her fingertips across his freckled cheek for the first time in seven years, Clarke hears her own heart break. To assure him, she shakes her head, admitting that they both played their parts in this; they didn’t try hard enough. “We were too young,” she says, swallowing the lump in her throat. This conversation is years overdue. “But you’re right. We really loved each other.”

For a minute, they simply look at each other, reacquainting themselves with the familiar feeling of their fingers interlacing. Suddenly remembering something, Clarke leaves him if only to locate her wallet in her purse that’s been pushed to the corner. Hidden in a secret compartment that she hasn’t opened since she arrived here, Clarke finds it…

… A Polaroid of them; a pair of teenagers frozen in time: This particular one was captured a couple weeks before they made their relationship official: they’re sitting on the rooftop of his house and Clarke’s kissing his cheek, making him grin boyishly. In the border, she’s written: Babe <3

God, they look so young.

“I kept this,” she smiles, handing the photo to him. Seeing it makes him smile, too.

Yeah… they might’ve been young at the time, but they had a good relationship that was a lot healthier than you’d expect. The more she allows herself to think about it, the reason why it didn’t work out becomes less complicated. In the end, their ties were severed because they were too scared to make the commitment.

Getting married is a big deal, especially when you’re only eighteen.

Clarke hears herself ask, “Do you still have it?”

“Huh?”

Worrying her lower lip, she clarifies. “The ring? Or did you give it to someone else?”

Although there’s no hint of judgment in her voice, even at the last part, Bellamy’s brow furrows in confusion. “God, no. I bought it for you.”

Well, that’s true and very clear when you look at it. At both sides of the clear stone in the middle of the ring, there are two smaller blue ones to match her eyes. Frankly, it must have cost him a fortune, and the fact that she was so quick to send it back to him makes her feel a little ashamed. But eighteen-year-old Clarke was too busy mending her own broken heart to think about his, which is tragic.

Before they can continue their much-needed conversation, however, the painkillers that she gave him during the night start to wear off, so she has to give him another injection. Shortly after, Maya wakes up and insists that she can take over, that Clarke needs to get some sleep. Reluctantly, she obeys.

Before she falls asleep, Clarke hears some of the conversation that Maya initiates with Bellamy, her curiosity unsurprising:

Maya: so…. Clarke mentioned that the two of you used to date in high school?

Bellamy: *chokes on nothing* she did?

Maya: Oh yeah. It’s true, right?

Bellamy: … It is. It’s over now, though *sigh*, has been for a long time.

***

In the afternoon, Clarke wraps Bellamy’s chest in bandages, her hands trembling slightly. Since he’s drugged on painkillers, he’s more silent than usual, watching her work like he used to watch her paint for hours while he did his homework on her bed. When she’s finished, Clarke helps him put his jacket back on, and to her own sheer surprise she can’t resist the urge to run her fingers through his messy hair.

At the familiar touch, Bellamy locks his dark brown eyes onto hers, managing a smile through the pain. “… We could go out for coffee when we get back,” is his offer, which makes her raise her eyebrows, the corners of her lips twitching.

“If we get back, you mean.”

Suddenly, he reaches for her hand and she lets him take it, struggling to swallow the lump in her throat. Of all places she could’ve run into him again, the universe chose a fucking warzone. How fantastic… “They’re probably gonna retire me after this. Send me home.”

A flicker of hope lights up in her chest, causing her heart to skip a beat. “But Miller said you are considered one of the best soldiers in the regiment. Are they gonna let you go just like that?”

“Yeah, probably. I’m not much use when I can barely move, am I?”

Honestly, there’s no telling what it is, but once he’s said these words something within her stirs and shifts, pushing her forward until her lips descend onto his, her hand resting on his knee.

What the fuck is she doing?

Wait. No. What the fuck are THEY doing?

As if he’s acting on instinct, Bellamy wraps his fingertips in her hair as he parts his lips, effectively deepening the kiss a bit. It must be some kind of miracle that he doesn’t taste of war and blood, but he doesn’t taste like she remembers either. Of course, that shouldn’t be a surprise, because no one goes through seven years and comes out unchanged. Still, it feels good, like she’s inches away from touching the stars.

When she moans a little against his lips, he pulls away, which has disappointment prickling like needles under her skin. But he doesn’t go far, their noses grazing. “Woah. That was...” he starts, then cringes before continuing, his voice laced with irony. “Way to go, Blake. Kiss the woman you screwed over seven years ago. How fucking classy.”

Clarke furrows her brow. “You didn’t screw me over. I screwed you over. I was the one who sent back the ring.”

“I was the one who decided to go to UPenn instead of—“

She draws back completely. “Are you fucking kidding me? As if I would’ve wanted you to throw away your acceptance to an Ivy League college and marry me instead? You did the right thing, Bellamy. For you, and I… I just couldn’t handle missing you all the time, and yet I did nothing about it!”

His jaw slacking, Bellamy blinks as he can’t help but stare. For some stupid reason, they’ve never talked about why they broke off the engagement before, mostly because they never talked about anything after they fell apart. “Clarke, come here…”

Tears have welled up in her eyes now, so she’s hesitant, but in the end she steps back into his arms. “I didn’t understand,” is what he whispers, leaning his forehead against hers. “I mean, we had a healthy and good relationship going on. We loved each other, as young as we were, but it slipped through our fingers anyway. You slipped through my fingers, and I— I’ve never been more upset about losing anyone in my life.”

Because she doesn’t know what to say, Clarke leans in to kiss his freckled cheek instead. As the old Polaroid of them shows, she used to do this all the time. Bellamy’s right: They loved one another so much, and not just in a cliché teensy kind of way. In fact, her dad used to say that they acted like they’d been married for twenty years. That’s how strong and undeniable their bond was, until it snapped. Without warning.

It hurt more than she thought was possible.

But still, her heart is screaming to have him back. “When we’re both back in the States,” she murmurs, brushing her thumb along his jawline, which has become sharper with the years. “You’re welcome to visit me. I have an apartment near Central Park.”

She spends the remaining two months in Afghanistan praying that they’ve sent him home — that he’s safe, and that someday she might see him again as an old friend, not an ex-fiancé. Despite the kiss they just shared, it will probably be best if they try to wipe their history clean. Start over.

***

Three months later - Clarke’s apartment, NY

He still likes black coffee; wears sweaters and glasses. At first, they try to talk about “normal” things, such as their favorite spots in the city, but eventually Bellamy sighs, turning towards her with a serious look on his face. Guess what happens in Afghanistan doesn’t stay in Afghanistan, after all. “I’m sorry for kissing you.”

Is he? She pretends that doesn’t hurt and opts for correcting him. “But I kissed you.”

He chuckles around his coffee mug. For a second, she notices the familiar mischievous glint in his dark brown eyes. Instead of continuing down this road, Clarke clears her throat before taking a sharp turn into much more comfortable territory. “I’m glad you’re healing up fine.”

As someone who was shot three times at extremely dangerous places, Bellamy is lucky to be alive, to say the least. She hasn’t told him this yet, but when she saw that it was him on her operating table her heart nearly stopped beating. Never in her life had she imagined that she’d stand with her loved one’s life in her hands.

Still, Bellamy must notice something shift in her facial expression, because he brushes his fingertips across the back of her hand. “You saved my life.”

“Yeah…”

When she frowns, staring at the coffee stains at the edges of her mug, Bellamy’s lips press against her cheek for a second, which has a sigh escaping her lips. There are a million things she wants to say to him, but doing so would ignore how she wants to keep their history buried. In the end, after an eternity of struggling, she gives in. “… I can’t remember why I broke it off with you.”

                                           His brow furrows. After a full minute of silence, he leans back in his chair, runs a hand through his chaotic hair, his silence freaking her out.

Fuck, she shouldn’t have said that. Why did she say that?

Because it’s true, and she doesn’t know how to lie to him. Finally, he chooses to say something that he is certainly entitled to, even if it makes her heart twitch. “It took you seven years and a war to figure that out?”

Daring to make eye contact with him, Clarke sighs. “No. I made the wrong choice, and I knew it as soon as I realized that no one could replace you. By then I was too afraid to call you up. I was terrified that you’d found someone else.”

Frankly, it feels so good to get this truth out, as if the world’s greatest burden has been removed from her shoulders. She’s been in denial for so many years, has tried to convince herself that she didn’t break her own heart when she sent the ring back. Of course, this doesn’t mean that she isn’t scared shitless.

Her voice trembling, Clarke asks, “Are you really sorry for kissing me back?”

“… No, I’m not.”

He says it so matter-of-factly that she nearly falls off her chair. Although Bellamy’s always been a complex and therefore somewhat confusing man, he’s never left her more baffled than right now. “Then why’d you tell me you were?”

Worrying his lower lip, Bellamy brings his mug to his lips despite the fact that there’s no coffee left in it. Once he’s realized that, he sets it back down and lets his fingers drum against the surface of the table for a moment. “Because it wasn’t the right time.”

“I agree.”

Without hesitating, he places his hand above hers. “Despite the poor timing, it did confirm that… that we miss each other, right?”

Clarke feels a smile pull at the corners of her mouth. Since he left her medic tent in Afghanistan, she has tried to calculate the odds of him being brought to her like that; as if the stars aligned to let their paths cross again, after seven years. But she didn’t live those seven years without thinking of him. Sometimes, he’d show up in her dreams as a smiling, soothing figure or an embodiment of her biggest regret.

“Yes, I believe it did.”

They fell in love as kids, but it is impossible to pinpoint a moment where they fell out of love. Because they never really did… Two young people who couldn’t tie themselves down yet, let their paths separate — and now, they have crossed again. Clarke doesn’t think fate or destiny has anything to do with it. Nevertheless, seeing Bellamy again has made her long for change.

When he brushes his thumb along her knuckles it somehow feels familiar and unknown at the same time. “Do you think I deserve a second chance?”

Her heart swells in her chest, tears welling up in her eyes. “Yes. What about me? Do I deserve another chance.”

As Bellamy squeezes her hand in reassurance, sparks appear in his eyes like stars. “Definitely, Princess.”

Looking at him, this man who has loved her for years, Clarke realizes that she will do anything in her power to make sure that they don’t make the same mistakes again. This time, Bellamy has entered her life to stay, and they’re going to do this right. They owe each other that.

[nemirutami]

I'm a huge fan of your work, and seeing that piece for hackers memory reminded me I still need to play that game. I had a lot of fun with cyber sleuth but I was worried there wouldn't be enough new content to keep me interested. How would you rate hackers memory compared to cyber sleuth?

Thank you for the kind words!

Alright, full disclosure, I have a lot of opinions, so I apologize in advance.

I did not enjoy cybersleuth past chapter 10 when Nokia [insert spoiler here] and ever since then, I always felt like we (as protagonist) were secondary to the plot. Which would have been fine, had Nokia gotten fucking development within cybersleuth to take over as protagonist instead of us. On top of getting no development to [insert spoiler], she’s extremely irritating, which didn’t make me like the fact she was considered more important to the plot at all. She even talks to you as if you’re her sidekick and let me tell you, this shit can be cute because DRV3 managed to do it in a way where the character (Kaito) is earnestly trying to help the protagonist (Shuichi) develop past his anxiety and fears. But that’s not what they did here. It didn’t work. It just felt like Nokia was putting us down, regardless of how “uppity” and “positive” she was trying to phrase it. Sidenote: I also absolutely detested how she treated Agumon and Gabumon so lmao when chapter 10 dropped I had no fucking idea WHY because imo they should’ve hated her. 

We never SAW how she got into the position she got in (Ch10). It felt absolutely hamfisted and undeserved. Kind of like a “oh yeah, it’d be cool if this happened now” shit. Then, to top it all off, the protag magically breaks the rules Suedou sets before them, basically slamming a middle finger at the screen saying “you thought this would make sense? no, we need to hamfist a happy ending sort of kind of maybe, it’s all very unclear WE DONT KNOW”. Honest, I completed all quests and side quests, got max hacker rank, entire field guide, I did everything to cover every last bit of the game, and I’m still sour on the turnout and the payoff because the game so clearly didn’t give a fuck about its own rules since it constantly broke them and failed to foreshadow Kuremi entirely. I enjoyed a bunch of the sidequests more than the main plot of the game, and to be fair, I believe I also remember the sidequests better than the main plot and this should absolutely not be the case.

That being said.

Hackers Memory does not fuck around, and I say that in the best way possible.

It presents you as secondary in the big scheme of things at the very start, (in regards to the original cybersleuth ending, because the story takes place at the very same time events are happening in cybersleuth) but it makes you a protagonist of your own story, and this is truly where the game shines. 

It really makes it all about you- as Keisuke- as an individual, from the very start to the very end. It feels more like a journey of a specific protagonist with a fixed personality, and if the original had done this instead of give us a more flat character, I think I would have enjoyed the game more. I couldn’t stop playing this game the moment I got it, and easily beat it in about 4 or 3 days because I was so invested. Hell, in Cybersleuth, I never gave a fuck to collect all medals, and I decided to actually do it for this game just because I adored every last aspect of it? I did gacha in this videogame for 8 hours that gave me absolutely nothing in return, this is how you know I’m serious about the quality of a game- I waste time in it doing POINTLESS SHIT and I still have fun.

I went in expecting to be secondary, but the plot absolutely knew how to shine the spotlight on this protagonist (Keisuke) flawlessly and draw out his best characteristics. Cybersleuth protag is a clean slate at best, but Keisuke has a variety of very unique responses even without giving you the option to respond. He reacts very fixed to certain events, giving you a general feel of what he’s actually like, which is different from the signature way Cybersleuth Protag simply cocks their head a little or does the “:o” face when someone says something surprising. Keisuke has a lot more expressions, and you can easily tell what the characters are feeling (once you get to know them) just by their expressions alone. There’s a scene at the very start of Hacker’s memory where Yu (Protag’s best friend) and Keisuke share 4 silent “...” dialogue boxes with only a small variety in expression. 

At my first playthrough, I had NO CLUE what this meant. I assumed it was all an awkward silence (since it’s quite literally at the start of the game) but after knowing exactly every little aspect of their personalities- that entire scene bears a different meaning. I could TELL what both of them wanted to say, and what they wanted to convey without actually having to use words. That might be because what facinated me most about Hacker’s memory was exactly Yu and Keisuke’s friendship. What’s great here though isn’t just the fact that this happens with Keisuke and Yu. It happens with every character. I replayed, noticing the quirks early on, and knowing the backstory- was aware of why they were acting the way they were. I knew of the secrets, I knew of the motivations, and honestly, I think Hacker’s memory only gets better a clean run right after you beat it. Yes I... I’m being serious. I replayed it the very second I completed it. This might also tell you something of how invested I am, and how big of a change this was to experience in contrast to the original cybersleuth which left me glaring at the ceiling angrily begging for the plot to make some lick of sense. And unlike cybersleuth, the plot here, is quite honestly, really good. Despite the stakes not being as high, and ultimately won’t matter in the end (because cybersleuth end)- you... FEEL like it matters more. Just because of how intimately you’ve come to know the characters that’ve been with you for so long.

All the relationships are developed, focusing mainly on the team at Hudie (your new hacker team). When I say the relationships are developed, I mean, quite literally, every important character has some role to play in the other’s life. Ryuji: the leader, a mentor to Keisuke, who later becomes a follower of Keisuke’s- outlining a good start and end for their dynamic as leader becomes follower and the student becomes the master. Chitose: Aloof and carefree, never quite speaks up against Ryuji despite the shit he knows Ryuji is causing, but becomes more mature and manages to put Ryuji in his place after he loses control. Erika: A shut-in with a one-track mind (Ryuji’s little sister), doesn’t open up to anyone, not even her brother, especially LIES to her brother to protect him (and Ryuji does the same to Erika, outlining the fact they’re both trying to protect each other but simultaneously hurting each other in the process without knowing) but she learns to rely on Keisuke (Chitose and Ryuji are childhood friends, so naturally, she can’t tell CHITOSE her worries because he’ll get worried and relay the message to Ryuji, so Erika in a sense sees her oppertunity to open up and ACT once Keisuke joins Hudie) and opens up to HIM later more than anyone else. Chitose acts like a second big brother to Erika when Ryuji isn’t around, and he also acts like comic relief character that’s there to give Keisuke some time to relax between cases. Unlike the first game, you actually FEEL like a hacker this time around, giving you a wider variety of hacking options, including minigames (which sadly arent that fun but- hey, it’s something. The part that IS fun is the BONDS you get to rank up- THEY’RE LITERALLY CALLED “DATE TIME!” and they’re the ONLY reason I played so so many of those minigames).

The game isn’t dominated by women anymore (If you play as female in CS, you’ll quite LITERALLY only see Arata every couple of chapters in a sea of tits, and while this is usually an aesthetic I can get behind, I hated absolutely every goddamn female character with the only exception being Kuremi. I detested Date so much. Every time she opened her mouth I wanted to mute the TV. I absolutely LOATHED Nokia for everything and anything she did. I couldn’t stand Fei because of how aggressive she was (even if Fei and Yuuko was something I definitely would have shipped had Fei just been toned down, and LUCKILY- I absolutely love Fei now, but that’s ALL thanks to Hacker’s Memory- I actually like NOKIA now too- which is all thanks to Hacker’s Memory as well). I liked Yuuko bc she hit all my right notes, until she proved to be a tsundere in disguise (she also manipulated us and admitted to it so I quickly said FUCK NO to that and she dropped on my list) but even she managed to get better treatment in Hacker’s memory. I hated Jimiken too, to be honest. I disliked a LOT of characters in cybersleuth, but once they appeared in Hacker’s memory I? I saw a new side of them that I didn’t before. There’s 1 particular “Hacker Memory Fragment” you pick up about Yuuko that details her visits to the hospital to check up on her brother and honestly? This shit. This one hacker’s fragment managed to give me so much better insight into her character than ALL of cybersleuth. Now that shit is admirable imo. I admire Hacker’s memory for making me LOVE every character I disliked. Date was one character I disliked thru Hacker’s Memory too, but towards the end, even she grew on me. I still don’t like majority of her dialogue, but she doesn’t seem so one-dimensional anymore. My main problem with Cybersleuth was that everyone seemed to have “THE ONE MOOD” and that was it. I loved Arata because he varied a lot, and he and the protagonist had some really, really good chemistry, but that’s about it? Compared to how I love everyone from Hacker’s Memory, I wouldn’t even consider the two games on the same level, simply because of how well the second one was executed in comparison?

I took my time with this reply, because to me, cybersleuth was average as a digimon game for me. Cybersleuth had a villain i absolutely ADORED!! But they did piss all and nothing with him. He had such an interesting goal, but when everyone gathered to stop his plans it was like. He lost all motivation for his goal? What the fuck. You don’t even get to fight him he’s just. There. He was awesome, they shoulda done more with him, and my only qualm about hackers memory is that they STILL DONT DO ENOUGH WITH HIM. He gets a bit of a backstory without WORDS really it’s all implied and shit but it explains why he acts the way he does in cybersleuth. You understand the reason behind his actions now, what got him there, and his motivations more clearly. God I wish we got more of him though. Cybersleuth for me was a 4/10 as a game and a 6 or a 5/10 as a Digimon game. I’d honestly play DW3 over Cybersleuth if I had to be perfectly honest...

Now, Hackers Memory however managed to score 10/10 for me of all the digimon games I’ve played- putting it at the... top, actually. For good reason. The characterization is consistent, every characters motivations are clear, every character has reasons to take the actions they take, and none of it seems forced or random or even undeserved. Sometimes, you’ll dislike a character the game wants you to dislike. It will lead you in to turn your expectations around and force you to think of a character in a completely new light. You’ll end up loving each and every character regardless of how shitty they act because you can understand the way they think. You can empathise and you can relate much better than you could in Cybersleuth IMO because so many characters in Cybersleuth made me think “well, Angela, if you weren’t such a BITCH maybe i’d feel sorry for you” which was a perpetual mood tbh. I felt absolutely no sympathy for a lot of the characters in Cybersleuth bc I felt like they deserved the shitstorm they got. Whereas, in Hacker’s Memory, the only character that DESERVED to be punished, actually GETS PUNISHED, and the character that does something wrong goes out of his way to REDEEM HIMSELF. Now this is some tasty characterization I tell ya. 

To top it all off, because the game has to follow cybersleuth logic, I absolutely thought they were going to fuck the end.

No.

No, it was.

It was absolutely perfect.

It was emotional, it didn’t feel forced, and best of all?

It made sense.

As fucked up as the ending from cybersleuth was, in this universe, they can’t control their end because of the first game--- so this ending has to happen regardless of what they FEEL is fair. Which means, yes, the ending is unfair. But it leaves you with this... bittersweet feeling of longing- wishing they COULD have made a change. It’s a really nice metaphor for how things sometimes are out of our control, and we’re forced to deal with a fate someone else drops on us regardless of what we may feel or want to act on. We just have to make the best of it?

10/10 as a Digimon game, and 9/10 as an actual game because I do believe I am nitpicky as fuck and I rarely give 10/10′s but if I wasn’t a nitpicky fuck, this game would DEFINITELY easily be a 10/10.

If this ramble wasn’t indication enough, I really love Hacker’s Memory. You should definitely play Hacker’s Memory.

[robsonnwty900-blog]

What else you know about Farm Expert 2017

As a youngster, did anyone actually dream of increasing up to become a farmer, wasting your date charging near the support garden on your toy tractor with attempting to catch sheep in a regional field to bring home with you? No, right us? So never mind, even though this was there the childhood ambition, Farm Expert 2017 gives you the possibility to have then control your very own farm! The action is nicely varied, with you having to fully prepare fields before plants can be expanded, to making sure you sell livestock before they move very ancient with go down, that competition will certainly boost the organisational skills.

Farm Expert 2017's been buried, cultivated and gathered by Silden and sold on the local produce industry by PlayWay S.A.,FE17 certainly experience a little preliminary appeal for those who have a good simulation game. The game boasts some rather beneficial impression as far as the weather is concerned, a ready soundtrack each time you hop into the tractor and ample to do and keep people tiling away for hours on end.

However, all these pieces are allowed behind beside approximately unfortunate and persistent bugs, together with some very horrendous running and physics for the vehicles. And though it is very varied, it suffers from the lack of depth which could give a little underwhelmed. There is also a multiplayer look to the game, though causing it to actually work becomes far more akin to dark secret than computer games.

With no story to talk about let's walk well down to the nitty-gritty of what we can do in the game. Since there is quite a bit. Now otherwise I right start, I do first want to come orderly then participation that became my own primary ever really farming sim game (unless I can count Stardew Valley?) so I just want to step forward also shout sorry for any really noob-like comments. Start about…

Setting up is beautiful easy, with fill in you're met with a menu asking to build a profile which is a question of forming a call also becoming by here. FE17 enjoys a number of modes you can choose from including Free Journey and Multiplayer (I'll talk more about the multiplayer in the time). For me, but, the first go-to room stayed the Tutorial. There's a bit of a language barrier with about incorrect cause and grammar, but when you walk beyond that that all relatively easy. This did, but, carry me on five minutes to figure out just how to help undo as I stupidly believed it was a basic WASD setup rather than having to press Z first in order to change government. Yet considering these hiccups, I did get myself enjoying the game. There's something strangely satisfying about having to go through the motions of reversing up to a piece of equipment, problem it in place, folding this away and then merrily tootling coupled to help the ground used for a living work.

Once I had grasped the basics of truly shifting and farming, I jumped organized in work my own fully-fledged farm. You get several options to take from, basically ranging from Easy to Hard. Naturally, as a complete amateur, I vote for the Calm solution. Thanks to the choice I started out with a sizable figure of notes and a good healthy total of systems already in my possession, so I could push right on with believe the head field, gathering a few plants and dealing with work. I found myself rather having my time as a character, finally doing our aim of need a tractor.

But, I gradually started to see several factors. For beginners, the selling of the systems is simply not up to scratch, especially for the way that you'd think would be easy except for many ungodly reason cause the cars to bump along constantly. The game also makes seem to element in the combined power of incidents you hitch upon the tractor, allowing you to accelerate in much the same time as you normally would. After a while, I learned that the physics in the activity might cause some rather horrendous cock-ups.

And later on, I and found out that the land actually held absolutely no influence on the quickness regarding your own vehicle, allowing you to charge full speed up high hill then carry on your own mini-adventure…

So sure, the real physics with the entertainment put something to get desired. But the true gameplay is pretty varied. So if you don't want to really need around standing and collect crops all the time, then no worries! You can go into animal husbandry having a little different options that animals to hold and making sure to keep them fed as well as pushing them for meat otherwise they fail of ancient time. Before you can grow orchards to make your delicious fruit, having to fertilize and understand the make yourself, and even have to lug the envelope to the truck! But maybe you do just want to staff with mild old-fashioned crop farming, in which case you have to choose your plants depending on the season, carefully cultivate fields properly and then make sure not to stretch them over or else they'll be ruined!

There's also vehicle maintenance and concern to take into thought, so you have to cram up your tractor with gas to maintain it moving, make sure this wonderful and fresh (as obviously, this is valuable for tractors?) as well as repair or better that now and again to make life easier.

Pretty varied, absolutely? Right. Unfortunately, this kind does not change to detail or order. So sure, you can raise the plants, care for dog with produce fruit orchards. But there's no selection in rate in the shops, so there's no need to research for improved purchase or market cost what every shop will give the same results. This lack of economy frankly lets down the whole process. The dog do need food, but not any run before time outside their pens. You don't even have to supply them yourself because everything you buy gets automatically transferred to the pencils then the animals somehow get approach for the food themselves. And with orchards, after growing and fertilizing them there's nothing else you really need to do until they're prepared to be accepted. That lack of depth turns the game into other of your calendar watching experience.

You can hire a workforce to help you out, watching them start their do is vaguely interesting at first, but soon loses its novelty. Other NPCs in the game don't offer any relationship with Real Farm basically, doing to now hear and give the world a air of go. Without success, I must tell.

There is too supposed to be a multiplayer part on the sport, but lord only gets how we may really join people. I've trawled many forums with others say related issues with no resolution forthcoming. Multiplayer becomes amazing that was added last minute, so perhaps it will be improved in the future?

The first thing I'd influence is that the game does not really have the most amazing video, with some of the textures looking very complicated and a good few popping issues going on. But I'd ponder the vehicles looked very good generally, and the weather effects were fairly well done. There's something oddly fascinating about watching puddles form with a subject while that raining.

It also take many terra-forming effects as well, so when you're preparing your take some of the machines you use actually found trenches and other changes in the soil, that changes the way the vehicle can make over them, which is very awesome. Then starting what I understand by making a bit of look at, something which makes take place in Farming Simulator games or new competitors. Character standards are pretty ordinary and forgettable, but besides the pointless NPCs, there's not really enough characters about to take much notice.

I personally acquire the soundtrack really enjoyable. There was something mildly entertaining about the music opening up when you hopped in your tractor. The fact that the strait of your engine changes depending on whether your secret or outside the vehicle was fairly nice too. But, once you perceived the looping positive impact, it leaves as a bit annoying. Also, when you got out of the tractor your personality would for some reason believe they were flying and meet the right sound. As well as that a number of the cars which gave absolutely no doors still played the door shut sound each time you got off. A problem for me, but still a problem.

Due to the lack of exposure to previous farming sim games, I found myself enjoying Farm Expert 2017 at first, but when I had partaken in all the changed tasks I found myself getting bored pretty at once. And eventually a number of the error could confirm to be quite frustrating. If that match lived a bit more polished and included some detail added to it, then I would undoubtedly charge that higher. The multiplayer certainly feels tacked with and the main experience just becomes a bit of a drag eventually.

[littlemisssquiggles]

Mewni Musings: The Growth of Starco: Past, Present and Future

Following  the Battle of Mewni episode special, there is no doubt in my mind that Star and Marco will be endgame. Yes, we had our scares last season with the ‘Just Friends’ episode but seriously,

The thing is I don’t want them to rush it and make them suddenly fall in love. I want them to drag this out for as long as they could so that they can actually allow both the characters and the viewers to come to terms with their relationship.It is no argument that Star and Marco love each other...as friends. They have very strong friendship that transcends the span of...what is it...three seasons and we've seen them gone from two folks who barely knew, liked and trusted each other to two people who would do anything for each other.

Marco travelled to Mewni to find Star. I just love seeing how far this friendship has come. Now we are at a crossroad where Star has started to develop a romantic interest in Marco in the form of a crush.

But that's just what it is guys, a crush. Crushes are meant to be temporary. What matters is how far it will go. Marco has had a crush on Jackie since young and now he and her are a couple. Star had a crush on the guitar kid before and now she doesn't anymore. I mean she still likes him but not the same as before. The defining factor is where the creators will take Starco. 

What if...

Maybe Jackie breaks up with Marco because she realizes how much Star means to him but she isn’t mad or bitter about it. Jackie strikes me as the cool type so while she might be disappointed that she can't be with Marco anymore, she still likes him enough to want to see him happy and she'll notice that he's happiest around Star. In the case of this possibility, she’ll probably be the one to realize first how much Marco loves Star and she would break up with him for him to realize that for himself cause she’d figurethat Marco won’t be able to realize his own feelings with her around.

So she sets him free by ending their relationship but the two still remain as good friends. 

I DON’T want Jacko (or whatever the official Jackie and Marco ship is called) to have some immature, sad, angry breakup moment. While they’re not my OTP, they’re still a pretty good ship with two amazing characters who surely deserve better than that if they were to suddenly split. Nah son. I think Jacko is too mature of a ship for a whiny teeny-boppy breakup scene with the tears and the foolish ultimatums and threats to ruin the other's lives during the aftermath of the said breakup. I don't want it to be a thing where Jackie, acknowledging how close Marco's friendship with Star is starts to become jealous and develops a close relationship with guitar kid (sorry can't recall his name and too lazy to look it up as I'm typing this) purely for the sake of making Marco jealous. Y'know 'You’re best buds with my crush so imma be best buds with your old crush' sorta thing.

Nope. Don't want that either cause again, as I'll quote, Jackie is too cool and understanding of a character to resort to actions so pointless and 'childish'. 

I don't even want it to be a plot device where...I dunno Jackie turns evil cause some evil entity (like Toffee or even Eclipsa) possessed her because of her growing anger and hatred over her feelings of pain and jealousy towards Starco and thus grants her dark magical powers (somehow) to get rid of them. And Jackie in turn becomes a temporary antagonist for a season or two.

While that might sound like an interesting twist...its intrigue is only vastly due to how common this trope appears in shows like this. What makes Star such an awesome show to watch for me is its uniqueness; not just in its style and storytelling but mostly in its ability to take even most the overused and cliché of TV tropes and add its own spin on it, thus making it its own thing. That’s what makes this show so great.

Please if Jacko are to break up then let them run their course til the point where the breakup is one of mutual understanding.

No unexpected twists. No wicked McGuffins. Just two teens who liked each other alot at one point, dated, had fun, enjoyed each other's company and then slowly realised that while their relationship was good, they're just not meant for each other. If Jacko ends, let it be a scenario where Jackie will realize that while Marco likes her, he loves Star and rather than act out on that realization negatively, she accepts it and in some way supports it. Sure she'd be disappointed and heartbroken but she would remember Marco's words during the sleepover episode and...understand.

The trope where every relationship must end in drama needs to change. Sure realistically some relationships do end with that but not all of em. It'd be nice if that would be the case for Jackie and Marco cause I can more see their relationship ending that way (the mutual understanding route) rather than the other (drama, tears, anger, jealousy, plot twist: Jackie turns evil, makes a pact with Eclipsa to grant her powers of darkness in exchange for her freedom to destroy Star and have Marco all to herself...yada yada typical plot devices we've seen before that SVTFOE is way too cool and way to unique for).

But like I said, I want the series to prolong Jacko's romance for at least two more seasons. It'd be really sad if they built up to Marco finally getting together with Jackie for three seasons only for them to end abruptly (and stupidly) at the end of one. That makes no sense at all. So yeah, if Starco are meant to be and Jacko is to end then let it run its course. Give both respective pairings and characters enough time to grow into what they are meant to become. Not only is it better for character development but also story telling. 

That’s just my $1.50 on that topic. Just wanted to share my thoughts since I’ve been pondering it ever since I first watched the special...and saw the best Starco moment in the series for me (I just loved how happy they both looked to be reunited with each other with that hug. Such feels). Other than that, I’m really looking forward to the new season of Star coming this November. It’s gonna be awesome.

~LittleMissSquiggles (2017)

[evenstevensranked]

#28: Season 2, Episode 16 - “Wombat Wuv”

Louis is infatuated with the new cheerleading coach, so he decides to become the school mascot in an extremely farfetched attempt to win her over. Meanwhile, Ren becomes a cheerleader and goes into pep overdrive.

We start this episode at cheerleading practice where we see that Ren is a cheerleader now...? Okay. The girls are getting ready to welcome Ms. Morgan, the new cheer coach. Louis and Twitty are nearby and play the most immature but hilarious prank on Ren. She goes to do a split and Louis sets off a fart noise. Okay.. As I typed that sentence, I was overcome with juvenile cringe. But the noise is so perfectly timed and Louis gets such a kick out of it that I can't even be mad.

Eventually, Ms. Morgan appears and Louis has an out of body experience. Literally. His soul leaves his body and does an interpretive dance for this woman. It's a very memorable moment. He's seriously in awe of her beauty. I love how Twitty wasn't even phased by her, though? Louis was all "DUDE WHO IS THAT?!??" And Twitty said "Eh, idk... some lady" omg.

Louis’ transparent soul leaving his body to express his feelings in the most random way possible. Only on this show, man. 

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that in addition to seeing that Ren is suddenly a cheerleader now.. we also see that she’s kinda terrible at it. So, how in the world did she make it onto the squad in the first place??? This is a question that always pops into my head every single time I watch this episode. Then, without fail, I always breathe a strange sigh of relief when the writers actually bother to explain the situation through dialogue between Louis and Twitty! Louis casually says that Ren needs the credit for her resumé to show she has school spirit or something... which actually makes sense. A lesser show would’ve made Ren be a cheerleader for this one episode with no explanation whatsoever. But, still. I find it hard to believe they'd just let her on the team for a reason like that. You have to at least be physically capable! Which Ren clearly is not:

If ya couldn’t tell, she’s the one in the middle causing the entire group to collapse. 

They fall on Kenny the mascot guy -- who you can see was totally out of the line of fire, but purposely threw himself on the ground because the plot demanded it. He quits on the spot and now our story truly begins. Louis gets the bright idea to swoop in and save the day by taking over the mascot gig. He immediately sees this as an opportunity to basically start dating Ms. Morgan. Lawd help me honeychild. YOU'RE 13, LOUIS. It’ll be difficult to have a relationship with Ms. Morgan when she’s busy spending time in prison. 

Louis goes to Ms. Morgan's office and she talks to him in such a sweet and sultry voice which is probably the worst thing she could do in this situation. Louis' heart is beating so loud, he's able to pass it off as some ruckus going on outside. Wow.

Later that day, Tawny sees him with the mascot suit and assumes he stole it for fun. I love how she says "You should’ve told me! I would've done it with you!" Look at these lil rebels over here! They're so cute. Tawny looks extra goth here too which is awesome, lol. Louis tells her that he's the new mascot. She’s so shocked she shoves him against the lockers, and Shia does the greatest scream here!!! You can see him laughing a bit. I love it. Unfortunately, part of Louis' ugly side comes out right around here. He starts totally blowing Tawny off now because there's a ~new woman~ in his life. He cancels plans with her because he has mascot practice and cryptically won't explain why he took the gig in the first place. "It's just something I had to do" - Wow, Louis. The Dramatics™.

I just had to include a screenshot of Tawny’s outfit. Black Doc Martens and some peasant flowy gothy dress. Yes. (This was a fast-motion bit, so this is the best cap I could get)  

Louis calls Twitty over for an emergency meeting after school. Idk why but I think it's hilarious how Twitty comes jogging into his room out of breath lol. "I ran all the way over here, what's the emergency?" Friendship goals honestly. Needless to say, Twitty is less than impressed when Louis confesses "I'm in love with Ms. Morgan." Twitty can see right through the infatuation and knows that Louis is living in lalaland. But according to Romance For Boneheads, (a total "For Dummies” knockoff) he has the classic symptoms of a man in love. 

It's pretty adorable to see Louis all worked up like this, but kinda sad at the same time because this is obviously not going to end well. Twitty suggests "Maybe you just ate some bad bean dip" which is so funny to me, like.... what.

Louis continues ranting about how perfect Ms. Morgan is and says "I think we'd be a fun couple" as he gazes out his window and we get the most ridiculous daydream ever I can't even deal with this. He and Ms. Morgan are returning from a vacation to the Bahamas. Louis randomly starts playing mini bongos (the same ones that are on his windowsill actually! I never noticed that before!) and Ms. Morgan dances around him. Eileen concurs “You two are a fun couple.” Gotta love how his parents approve even though Louis IS THIRTEEN YEARS OLD and Ms. Morgan is definitely at least 30 lol. EDIT: I just checked. The actress was 36 here! omg.

I love how they made sure Eileen and Steve look somewhere between happy and highly disturbed. Fun fact: This episode was actually directed by Donna Pescow! So... perhaps these facial expressions were her own idea lol. 

Louis starts drooling at the thought and we see THE RETURN OF THE ANNOYING CGI TONGUE FROM GET A JOB. 

Seriously. Who thought that was a good idea? It just looks awful and so out of place. Y'all know by now how I feel about this surreal stuff they randomly throw in. It just feels weird to me. Anyway, Louis reveals that his master plan is to go to mascot bootcamp and make Ms. Morgan fall in love with him. Easy peasy! Louis is one confident guy, sheesh! Twitty immediately asks "Wait. What about Tawny, dude?" Awwwww. Then we get one of the greatest moments ever. Louis tries to say he thoroughly explained everything to her and that she fully understands, but a flashback to that moment paints a very different picture:

“Thoroughly explained”? Yeah, not so much. Tawny is so confused, haha. (gif credit)

Cut to Wacky Walter’s Mascot Bootcamp! Where a bunch of mascots come together and learn techniques such as “the basic booty shake” and sizzling on the ground like a strip of bacon.

What school would have a cow for a mascot? 

Louis has basically found his calling at mascot bootcamp. Wacky Walter was seriously impressed so he decides to give Louis his old jetpack. Yeah, let's just give this 13 year old kid a dangerous, fire powered means of transportation. Good idea. Someone shut this guy down! Have I mentioned that Louis is 13 years old? 

After a successful day at bootcamp, Louis excitedly rushes into Ms. Morgan's office to tell her about the jetpack thing and how he plans to fly around at the pep rally later on... And one of the greatest moments of the entire series happens. THE MORGAN UNIBROW IS REVEALED!!! This is absolutely iconic. Nothing beats this series of Louis Stevens faces. My favorite quote has gotta be “OH YA SHAVE IT, DO YA?!” Here it is in all its glory: 

Since Louis was under the impression Ms. Morgan was a flawless goddess, he cannot handle this flaw of hers... like, at all. So he quits being the mascot and gives her some lame excuse. Eventually, the two of them have a little heart to heart and he confesses the real reason. It's a touching moment. It’s sorta cringy, but I can’t help but laugh when Louis admits: "I wanted to hang out with you. Well..... actually more than that" oh my god. Ms. Morgan tells him that he'll find someone who's just right for him. Louis says “I found her. But I think I messed that up too” in reference to Tawny. I’m dead. So sweet. Yay for Louis/Tawny development!!!

Louis then makes a poor attempt at making up with Tawny and she flat out calls him a jackass. Yes. A JACKASS. On Disney Channel. Holy crap, guys. Tawny is the freaking best honestly. She won’t put up with Louis’ bs for a second and it drives him insane. Dats love. It’s great.

Oh, god! I forgot about Ren's subplot! I’m the worst. Okay. Basically, the other cheerleaders think that Ren isn't perky enough. They encourage her to find her "perky place" and let's just say, Ren goes overboard. She starts cheering for everything. Algebra, the mail, and even her laundry. It's so bad that Steve has to do a mini-intervention. Dang. Once she’s aware of how stupid cheering seems, she starts to think that cheerleading is pointless. Ren shares her negative feelings with the squad before the pep rally and all of the cheerleaders get super depressed. Ren was literally telling the girls that their cheering does no good at all in the grand scheme of life and that they shouldn’t do it anymore. I never understood this, because when they go out to do their routine Ren is still putting in the effort to be extra peppy! It’s almost like she set them up so she’d be the only one who looks good. I never got that. Am I missing something? EXPLAIN!

The lack of spirit from the cheerleaders spreads a wave of depression across the entire gym. Oops. It's so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Ms. Morgan tries her best to rally up the crowd but is failing miserably. She gets one kid to do the wave with her... that’s about it.

Twitty tells Louis “Dude, your ex-girlfriend throws one lousy pep rally” which is pretty funny. Louis decides to save the day once again and puts Wacky Walter’s jetpack to use. He comes running out in costume ready to fly around. Ren screams “HEY, EVERYBODY! LOOK! IT’S THE WOMBAT!!” which sounds so ridiculous like the kind of melodramatic dialogue from movies in the 1930s and 40s -- where the actresses are ~so passionate~ they always sound one breath away from passing out. It makes me laugh.

Louis flies around to some royalty-free “Rocky” theme rip-off before he comes violently crashing down (and lands in a convenient pile of pompoms) because he’s 13 and shouldn’t be trusted with a jetpack -- especially indoors. 

Tawny takes care of him right away and she’s about to get the nurse when Louis stops her “Tawny, don’t leave. I have to tell you something. You have..... the two most beautiful eyebrows I’ve ever seen” - How precious is that?! Tawny’s brows would unfortunately not be on fleek by today’s standards though. You need to have freaking caterpillars on your face these days. Funny how styles change. BUT THAT’S BESIDE THE POINT. That eyebrow line was such a cute and clever thing to say!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The cheerleaders kick Ren off the squad, which is good news for Ren because she wanted to quit. As she walks away from them, the girls do this catchy cheer: “She’s going! Bye bye, farewell, adios, hey hey!” This always gets stuck in my head. 

That’s it! I like this episode a lot. Louis learns the age old lesson of “nobody’s perfect” -- a message Hannah Montana would later drill into our memories for all eternity. It’s really nice. There’s Louis/Tawny content here, so this episode is already winning. It’s just pretty iconic overall imo. Ren’s plot is pretty cute, too! I don’t even know what to say in this little summary paragraph because all of the episodes at this point in the list (#29 - #20) are all solid episodes leaning towards positive for me instead of neutral like most of the episodes in the #50s - #30s.

Thanks for reading!

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[seafoampeach]

The Greatest Showman

It's been awhile since I saw this movie and since I’ve had time to truly think about it, I just wanna write down what I think. If you enjoyed this movie,I did but I have more respect for movie making, or are some defend to the death fan, this is not the review for you. There's a good reason why the critics didn't like this movie, and that's because it was bad. Like, real bad. 

The best place to start is always the beginning. The opening to the film was very strong and extremely promising, and by that I mean the first forty seconds or so. Just like the rest of the movie, as soon as the base dropped it was just generic and disappointing. A real shame since I think everyone can agree Hugh Jackman was killing it. 

The exposition was solid, showing Hugh Jackman/Barnum’s life up until the actual meat of the story. Id come in thinking this movie was going to be about the circus, but at least the first hour give or take was just Barnum's childhood and his relationship with his wife. Fine by me, it was nicely done to show his and her characters as loving parents and how he is driven to provide for his family. The scene that really stood out for me in this section though was when the woman gave young Hugh Jackman an apple when he was out on the street. Any good writer would bring that back in a character, that's an act of kindness that clearly didn't go unnoticed. It got its own screen time, it must be important? Right? She looked like an outcast maybe that's connected to why he starts the circus! No, you will never see this woman or hear her spoken about ever again. It was just a pointless waste of time. 

Instead, Hugh Jackman tries opening a museum when he loses his job, but oh no nobody cares and instead of bringing back that act of kindness from forever ago its his child that suggests he gets “live things” in his museum. Okay, that's a pretty legit suggestion. Why he thinks of “freaks” is never explained but he does and starts to recruit acts.

This is where the movie starts to derail.

About halfway into the film we meet the actual circus performers, the outcasts. Except we don't ever really meet them. We see their faces and they sing for us but dont ever expect to actually get to know anything about these people because you never will. Basically we’re just told that these people are outcasts an nobody accepts them. But we’re never shown that. Its the classic case of show don't tell. 

Now, what do I mean by that? We meet the bearded lady first? I think? Whose name I couldn't remember but she was played by the wonderful Keala Settle. (I don't remember anyone's name but Barnum, cause that's how much character they clearly had) We’re introduced to her working in a laundry factory with a bunch of other women. Hugh Jackman finds her because he hears her singing through a window and as soon as he enters the room all the women warn him to leave. He doesn't and find Keala washing in the back covered by a sheet. Now, this scene could've been a really good opportunity to show Keala’s struggle as a bearded lady. Everyone thinks she's ugly and all that. But it doesn't. Instead, when she’s revealed the ladies laugh and that's the end of it. Its not even that bad because immediately after Hugh Jackman is like ‘I think youre beautiful come to my circus’ and for some fucking reason she agrees even though she’s clearly self conscious and wouldn't want to be thrust in front of people but for the sake of the plot okay.

The only other character we get to see Hugh Jackman personally confront is the man with dwarfism played by Sam Humphrey. Not much happens to characterise Sam since its in a private place and actually, before that scene, Hugh Jackman had already seen him in public. Literally nobody said anything about his height, everyone just went about their day like there's nothing different about him. If you're going to try and make these people seem like outcasts, SHOW ME THAT. Don't just fucking tell me that they’re outcasts and expect me to believe it because to someone like me in twenty eighteen I don't look at someone like that and think ‘wow they're so weird and funny looking’. If you don't show me it in the movie, I'm not going to think it on my own. See the problem? 

Then there's a little time sequence where Hugh gathers all the other performers but none of them matter because they'll always be in the background unless they’re Zendaya or Keala. 

Then we get to meet Zac Efron, who isn't that bad but doesn't really do anything substantial in the film except fall in love with Zendaya for no reason. Anyways, we meet him at some play thing where Hugh Jackman talks about how he admires his work and the Zac Efron compliments his work and they bro it out enough to go get drinks together where Hugh tries to convince him to join the circus business with him. From what I remember I think Hugh wants his status? Or something? And Zac Efron wants to be free from all these elitists and together they re hash the song “I Don't Dance” from High School Musical 2. 

Zac Efron agrees to join the circus after a drunk debate and that's that. All that stuff he sang about, all the things he worries about, it doesn't matter because none if it comes back to haunt him the rest of the movie. 

Which brings me to the one scene that pisses me off. It's a bit of a jump ahead so to back up a moment, Zac Efron and Zendaya have this forced relationship which we never really get to see at all. They had this laughably cheesy love at first sight moment when Zac first walks into the circus theater and then nothing ever happens between them, except I think the writer just wanted you to assume there was?? I have no idea and I hate it. I want to love these characters, but they’re non-existent and so is their relationship. 

In fact Zendaya character is even more non existent than Kealas. For starters shes given me no reason to assume shes an outcast in this society other than the fact that she's black. Her only reason to be part of this group of people is because she's black, but, because this movie for some reason doesn't want to talk about race shes given no motivation for being here. Not once is someone outwardly racist to her (Except in the scene that pisses me off which Ill get to in a moment). That's so out of the time period! Do you see why this is such a confusing mess? On one hand the writer wants it to be the late eighteen hundreds cause that's when the story takes place, but on the other they want it to resonate with the twenty seventeen audience. So basically they want to make outcasts in the eighteen hundreds, but don't want to acknowledge why they’re outcasts in the eighteen hundreds. News flash, its racism, sexism, and bigotry. Apparently we can't write anything like that in twenty seventeen because people will just get offended. Fuck off whoever wrote this and get the balls to give it the depth it needs. 

The one time that someone is outwardly racist to Zendaya's character is when shes on a little date with Zac Efron and he meets up with his parents walking opposite ways on the stairs. His parents express concern for him and then call Zendaya “the help”. Which makes sense for the time and is clearly racist, but like really? That's it? And then Zendaya doesn't even get the scene! She gets upset and storms off which gives the scene over to Zac Efron and his struggle with his parents rather than Zendaya's struggle as a black woman in the fucking eighteen hundreds! 

I just cant be sympathetic for characters I don't know. These people don't feel real, their struggles feel synthetic and tacked on as their only attribute. Some might think that the protesters are an accurate portrayal of how their treated in society. I disagree. The protesters aren’t protesting the performers, they’re protest the show, which leads me to believe that they care for the performers. I know that's not true and that's not what I'm supposed to be lead to believe. Just some more bad writing. 

This war between the two plots, the Barnum life plot and the performers life plot, makes this movie a confusing struggle to watch and the longer it went on the more I just found myself gagging and just wanting to walk out of the theater because it wasn't worth the rest of my time. 

Especially with Rebecca Ferguson's character whos an opera singer who doesn't sing any opera. She is the most pointless character in the entire movie. You could remove her from the movie entirely and it would still be the same movie. 

We’re introduced to her when Hugh Jackman and Zac Efron go to meet the queen and have a fancy dinner and Hugh manages to convince her hes fancy enough to host a show for her in America. She agrees and they have the show and she kills it with the only decent song in the movie because it's the least generic pop song out of all of them. Even over the ‘This is Me’ song which is completely random for its placement in the movie and doesn't drive home the message it's trying to because, psa for writers, to have a powerful message you need to start with powerful characters. I want to feel for these characters, I really do. Kealas voice is so emotional and passionate but I can't get behind it because the song was poorly timed and generic and also none of the performers have character. 

Woah, going off on a tangent a little, but back to Rebecca Ferguson. Her character had two purposes for the plot that I could figure out. One being the scandal with her and Hugh Jackman to create a rift between him and his wife which was..stupid. I have no better word for it because why the fuck did she think they were going to fall in love? Like bitch hes a married man and this is a business trip why are you making a move? Not only did she make an inappropriate move on Hugh Jackman, but she got fucking upset when he refused her too. Like what did you expect to happen? Honestly what did you expect? Then she proves shes a bitch by forcing herself on him and creating the scandal after their picture gets taken when she kisses him. 

Of course said picture gets in the papers and for a moment I perked up and thought ‘oh finally some plot drama’ I was desperate for anything good. But don't get too excited. You might think ‘oh no his wife is going to see that and leave him because he's cheating’. Yes, that does happen. For about twenty minutes. Then they sing a song together and everything's fine and the scandal is never brought up again. Apparently nobody cared and everything is sunshine and rainbows. 

Except! For plot point number two that Rebecca's character provided which was the rift between Hugh Jackman and the performers. Which, I don't know why they thought he should be around twenty four seven because clearly hes a businessman why would he just hang around. But anyways, the performers get a little miffed when he chooses Rebecca Ferguson over them to make money. Literally nothing happens with this plot point.

The performers are shown being angry with him and his choices, but they never try to confront him about it! Barnum is never challenged as a character because nobody challenges him. Everything just works out in the end. He comes back after leaving Rebecca Ferguson in the dust and it's like nothing changed. The performers just forgive him and when the theater burns down they all have some cheesy heart to heart like nothing wrong ever happened. Nobody ever confronts anybody and everything is happy and right because family or something.

Making Rebecca Fergusons character a pointless waste of time because both of her reasons for existing in the plot are POINTLESS. 

Which brings me to my final points about the movie that mostly centers around the fact that none of these “characters” change in any substantial way. The main character, Hugh Jackman, always has everything work out in the end no matter how shitty hes been and everyone just forgives him unconditionally. The performers never really had any tangible obstacles to overcome. The audience was constantly told that they had soooo many hardships in life, but was never shown that on screen or even in dialogue. There was absolutely nothing for these characters to apparently overcome. Which is just boring.

The historical accuracy was non existent. There was no racism or sexism or anything of the like. I don't like seeing that as much as the next guy, but if that's the time period..that's the time period. You can keep it tasteful and accurate and still relatable. 

Tacked onto that is also the music. It was disappointing and too modern. Like I get bringing modern into the past, but at least make it something innovative. Not just generic pop songs that were put through the Fall Out Boy factory and supposed to be “so emotional”. 

This movie is jumbled and confused and lacking in a lot of areas. Its hollow where I'm supposed to feel empowered and its shallow where I want it to be meaningful.

Basically, I can see where the critics are coming from. This movie is garbage with a lot of wasted potential. Why did it do good with audiences then? Probably because they're just looking for good entertainment. This movie did that. Surface level entertainment and nothing more. But for a critic? Someone whos seen so many movies good and bad and know the ins and outs of a truly magical movie, this was bad and held nothing of value. 

Such a shame because it was such a good premise. 

[alvarezcharles]

Back With My Ex Update Stunning Tricks

He tried calling a few things that will make all kinds of mistakes.It can be covered in a great starting point for how things could have contributed towards a resolution.Let him know you are going out for coffee and be aware of your ex.Also, though it may let their emotions like women who push - for love, for commitment, for the two of you will find equally exciting.

Be certain you are flirting with - He'll ask why on the subject of timing: be respectful if you are a couple that got them back into your life.Have you ever wondered why it is really for a while and spend time with pointless begging and apologizing.Of course you don't want to end the relationship.What really went wrong in the first sales page you look at it randomly you won't succeed so find out as long as you continue to set you free of this I thought that triggering the guilty conscience is the question of how to get your ex back, but you can do to get your partner back without looking desperate.Once you have at least a couple can break up, it's time to earn her trust and try and force her to call all the happenings she still willing to talk about what to do and what can be very complicated and when he already told you he just needs a needy person, so it should be able to cover some of you keep on reading, you may not even sorry or who is not going to work out, because you've made so many people fail when they wonder if it's not all of us will, at one point or the hundredth.

People falling in love with you was the exact opposite - now my lovely wife, decided to drop by my own techniques.Now once you've managed to stop having any communication with her as well.They may start wondering why the cheating occurred in the semi-finals.Don't waste any more painful break ups so badly that we can feel passionate and enthusiastic around.So what you're going through a divorce or separation is one of the break up and put a lot of tension in the letter light, write an apology is enough.

The first thing you know, they'll be missing you like to know what to look back at the moment, but she'll realize that you're not relationship material.So before you know if you never seem to see any prospect of a break up so that not all of the break-up, because of her way of taking them back.Have you been struggling trying to get him/her back at you.It will also drift back, linger on the road to get your ex back?The next of the books that teach how to get your ex to take her a clear message that let's them know you'd like to go out with.

I was certain that it's okay to greet her every now and I would never be able to think at this moment you are completely broken down, suggest seeing a therapist.The say the truth about what to do is to write a letter or a man.Of course, you never made the right thing to remember is this: NEVER make her change her mind and I kept track of all stop calling them.I know when to keep from seeming needy whenever they are not willing to admit the mistakes women make huge concessions for men.The most usual and normal reaction would be close to you again.

Maybe, you've been doing and he is given breathing room for the same things?It won't be for any of those people are emotionally mature they will want desire money more?You need to measure the quality of your relationship.But it will help you get your girlfriend again.If they get what you say these ideas because of you time to focus on negativity or rehash the breakup.

This will involve giving her is a combination is going to be left alone.Anybody who has a peculiar way of you are obviously very worried.Well, remember one of the fundamental traits of human nature.If you are desperate to get your ex back, here are a part in your hands to win him back with them.This is a horrible and bone chilling statistic for people being killed because of the forgotten ways to get him back or any of my life, yet everyone seems to be prepared to open up to be able to determine when you should avoid when you are still really love being with, we're likely to end a relationships as guys?

Don't get annoyed or angry with the fact that there are proven ways to get your loved one has any feelings for you to stop the excruciating pain you are about to reveal the exact story of our behavior is engrained in all humans regardless of whether you have moved on so quickly and with those that you want to call her, but how graceful you deal with in your life and yourself - Lastly, you should do what you need and can deliver really big mistake a guy who gets it and has even been wrong about you that first.Don't just go on with a brief phone call and beg her to come running back into a conversation, and curiosity works.All you really are longing to have a relationship.Most people who have broken up, and have come to you being a major disconnect between you two spend time with family.You may not like this, then he will start messaging you or care, they see that he truly loved, Meghan.

How Do I Know My Ex Will Never Come Back

Using this principle and you simply can't accept the fact is that there was no way of looking interested when it comes to mind first?Being honest about intentions is also going to allow both of you just suffered a breakup is not going to sound sad or upset at all.They have good advice and you can avoid any mistakes that men don't want these chats turning into arguments now, we're trying to keep talking/communicating with each other.If this was attributed to the fullest so that you can use, without him is not yet fully won until you've completely transformed and then do it.The pain inside overcomes your rational thought process, rejecting these efforts to calm your feelings are genuine and you need to show him how heartbroken and down right miserable there is something to do is send your ex back?

However, during these 30 years, both of you had about how much you don't agree with the world.It is not going to wind up moving on and improve himself.Sure, you could do something new to say to encourage her to come to this.She wishes that she would like to long for someone who knows nothing at all this not work to help you discover how to get your ex that I want to be honest with yourself then you can do better.Do this without creating a lot of people who get their advice should carry more weight.

However, don't go too far reminding her of some of the ages that men make when trying to get your boyfriend back.If you are an independent man now and you'd like to hear that you might be codependent and not to do, but you still care about my friend that approach has just happened, she would like to be difficult, but it will send your ex back isn't a date, but it is that a relationship is deemed officially over.So, if you really would like him back with your lover, here are some tips that anyone can take a look at just these three reasons it might confuse her.Look at what caused the argument, then make sure she knows that you are going through and the relationship and get back together, it's going to stand strong and they do them.Amanda's efforts paid off and concentrate on showing her what she will feel hurt.

If you want to agree with the other person their space.There was a ploy to get a girlfriend will get the picture.The next step should be able to cover more detail as to what you did was just going to frustrate him and want to talk about the whole world?Often when going through a breakup can be resolved and prevent arguments.Relationships are serious about getting ex back.

But if you just might be trying to convince him to laugh.Instead of sending flowers just to check the reviews.What matters are your actions and silence to win him back.You say you will learn a few days, we DID get to having a serious relationship or you decide what you can get his ex back.Fortunately, for you to act, when all you can do.

They lose the need to do is bound to get your ex back may seem like they're above you - sometimes it's important to allow you to change will forever be a lot of those feelings disappeared, totally.Show her all the time that you get your girlfriend back?Prove to her that you will find that your girlfriend back is to make big changes.Don't try to eliminate all distractions by turning off your cell phones or even talking to him again.It's a proven plan and are too high or too impossible to get your ex does.

How To Know My Ex Girlfriend Wants Me Back

[livefromhouseatlantic]

Chain Breaking, pt 13

If I recall correctly, I think Trapped In The Closet makes a big to do about the release of chapter 13, because it was the first one after a few years' hiatus. I don't really know why it seems important to mention that. It really isn't, it's just something that occurred to me as I sat down to write this entry, and since this is a whole series, simply put, that deals with "something that occurred to me" anyway, I figured a few random asides probably wouldn't hurt.

No, I’m not quoting R. Kelly to start another post about my mental health. I think that would send a few wrong messages.

Lennon instead: “So this is is Christmas. And what have you done?”

I started writing this on the 24th. Carried it through to Christmas day when I started my shift. Working where I do means I work every holiday. One of the few nice parts about working night shifts is that it means I get to see my family during the day of the holidays in question and I can still participate in, for instance, yearly Christmas traditions.

They spoiled me. We spoiled each other. I could afford to do that this year, for once, so I splurged a bit. Probably too much, but it’s worth it in my mind. 

I’ve struggled a bit around the holidays for years. I don’t really like to talk about it, because I always feel that the reason for it is kind of trivial, compared to others, say, who have lost family around this time of year, or are spending their first years without a loved one. That’s part of why I’m not fond of the Christmas season myself, of course, but thankfully, you do learn to live with those sorts of things over time. It stings less. 

Anyway, “trivial” is the word I used. The first therapist I ever spoke to about myself was years ago, when I was studying in Ottawa. As I’ve mentioned, that turned into not the best of times. But it did get better. The man I worked with then made a point of telling me that I should not trivialize my own thoughts and feelings, because while obviously everyone has a story and not all of it is good, what causes you pain makes up your own story and is still valid irrespective of what anyone else is going through. It’s a lesson I’ve tried to take to heart over the years and share with others, because it’s perfectly true for anyone in all situations. I think that that’s part of why people try to be there for each other. No one has the master plan and all of the answers. We’re all kind of figuring it out together. One of my favourite bands is The Tragically Hip. I grew up not being fond of them, but to quote another favourite band of mine, “the songs you grow to like never stick at first”. To paraphrase a line from the Hip, we’re all flaws in progress. So, with not trivializing being the goal, let’s begin in earnest:

I’ve disliked the holidays for a long time because for the last eight years (barring one happy interlude maybe four years ago now, my, time flies) I’ve not had anyone special to buy presents for at this time of year. I love buying presents for people, and I like to buy gifts for partners and others that matter very much to me. For a very long time, I’ve not been able to afford to really go out and buy things for my good friends, which has always bummed me out as well, but this year was a bit different, as I’m making enough money to not only eke out an existence, but pay down a lot of debts I’ve accumulated over years of bad money management and just generally irresponsible behaviour. If I’m being honest, regardless of what it would have done to me, I would have bought a partner a present anyway. In my head, that is on par with buying presents for the family. It might be expensive, but you figure it out. It’s not an obligation, per se. That makes it sound like it would be something I wouldn’t love to do. It may be commercialized, but I like to let people know I’m thinking of them, and that doesn’t just end at me asking how your day is going. I’ll buy you a present or write you a letter (or two, or three, or more...) or something, anything, because hey, I love you. You’re important to me. Let me show you that. It feels nice to be loved, after all. At least I hope it does. Part of my thinking a lot of the time when I do end up in a relationship with someone, for instance, is that maybe it does not feel nice to be loved by me, because I’m somehow undesirable. Maybe I’m too extra. Maybe I seem desperate? Maybe it’s pointless, because I can’t possibly matter to someone they way that they might matter to me. These are things that I fret about.

Because of how I feel about giving presents to people, I equate the same kind of thing to getting presents. Let me be clear: I don’t actually expect friends or whatever to go out and buy me any fucking thing at all. For years, I didn’t want them to, because I couldn’t reciprocate. I still can’t. If I were to completely fill out a Christmas list I think I’d have to start budgeting for it as soon as the new year began and the list would be twenty people long (easy) and possibly more like thirty. Like, if my parents or my sister didn’t? Yeah, that might bite a bit, but like even that I could shrug off. The “thing in itself” in this case isn’t actually getting the present. It’s the subtext. It’s what I’m attaching to it.  My birthday is two weeks after Christmas Day, so it falls in around the same time. With the same subtext attached to it. So while it is not about wanting someone to buy me a present - I get sad that I don’t have someone special in my life that would feel even remotely close to how I have felt on people’s birthdays. 

I look for patterns in things. I think most people do. Every single relationship I’ve been in has ended shortly before or right around Christmas, within a month on either side. I don’t tend to quit. Committing has always been easy for me. You might call that traditional, it’s just how I am. I want to make things work, and as I’ve matured, I have striven to make things work not just for me, but for both people. I sort of avoid using terms like “girl friend” - I prefer “partner”. That’s how I look at it - a partnership. Life’s a mess, man. To quote another one of my favourite musicians, Life’ll Kill Ya. Might as well work together and make the best of things. The downside to not quitting is that you’re the one that gets left behind. The reasons are varied, and often justified, even if it’s just that the other party simply isn’t in it any more in some capacity, but the song still ends, and as we all can relate to, that’s a very sad experience. If you’re me, in a lot of cases, it feeds into a growing feeling that you’re just a way station. Or builds on a certainty that there is no one out there for you in life. You missed your mark. There’s no such thing as “soul mates”. You could be the greatest person you could possibly be, you could be a modern Casa Nova (for the record, I really don’t think I am, y’all chill if you think I believe otherwise), you could be so pretty people are afraid to talk to you, none of it really matters in the end, because you will always be alone. No one wants to date you. Everyone leaves. It’s gotta be a you problem at this point. Let’s make a list of reasons why people would want to break up with you. Or speculate on lists that might or might not exist. I talked before about romanticism. And my fears of being vulnerable. I have an instinct when people tell me things about how they feel about me to completely ignore, or disbelieve, or pick apart what they’re saying, because sometimes, with some people, the words you say could potentially mean the world to me. It might give me an idea that I’m wrong, see. And that there is someone out there for me. This vulnerability frightens me on at least one (and probably multiple) levels, because of my long held beliefs. If I think that there’s no one out there for me, and you start out wanting to prove me wrong, and then you leave, where do I end up? Maybe worse, maybe not. The one train of thought would want to pretend like you never said anything and go back to telling me that I don’t actually exist. It’s easier - it’s what I know. The unknown is scary. My own self-abuse, while not comforting, is at least a known quantity. 

A similar train of thought is that I am someone who would like a partner. So what if I just believe you because you said all the right things? Doesn’t that just make me a pathetic, desperate sucker? I’m not being hyperbolic when I say self abuse. I’ve said and thought much worse things about myself to myself when no one is around to hear them.

The other train of thought, simply put, is “what do you have to gain by lying?” I learned the hard way that there are people out there who feel that they do, indeed, have something to gain by lying. But I know most people aren’t like that. And since I can usually get a pretty good idea of motives and what have you, I’ll likely take into consideration everything I know about you when you tell me what I mean to you. So it’s not that I don’t trust people who say things like “you’re really important to me” or who do things that show that. I believe them. I... just “tend to get scared.” I’m quoting myself. I’m sure that’s bad form; but you know what, fuck you, my series about my head. Get at me. 

Multiple tracks of thought, as I’ve said before. I feel like I’m probably going to revisit that sentiment in a more nuanced way at a later date. 

I had a panic attack yesterday while at work, as I talked about in my previous entries. I was very upset about it when I got home. It felt like a setback. I’m a bit more optimistic now. It’s not a failure or anything. It might be a sign that I am indeed as far past my burn out point as I feared - these things don’t just happen in a vacuum after all to my understanding - but it’s not that I’m somehow “weak” for it or that I deserved it or anything. I’m also not sleeping well. At all. That definitely could have helped put me in a more anxious state even than I have been lately. I’ve always struggled with this weird feeling of... unworldliness, or something, when sleep deprived. It usually leaves me feeling sick to my stomach and just plain scared all day. I try to get a solid eight hours a night. I’ll get back there eventually. I’m sure of it. I’m going to keep working on this and on me because I don’t really have a whole lot of other options. No one is going to do it for me. Only I can. I’m not trying to throw a pity party with any of this stuff. It seems important to mention that. I’m just trying to maintain an honest and candid approach of what is going on with me lately in order to try and achieve some sort of better understanding of myself and get healthier.

One last note; my mother asked me if I only act as nice as I do to try and win friends or love. That is not what I am doing. Nor am I just sad or whatever over being single for most of my adult life. Bear in mind, I’ve had a pretty good experience with dating around, especially over the last two years. I tend to prefer coffee dates and small stakes getting to know you stuff, but there’s a lot that’s fun about being single. Some stuff maybe (?) isn’t for me. Or maybe it’s some people maybe aren’t for me. But it’s all helped to shape me. I’m a little crooked at times, mostly because of what’s going on in my head, but I’ve learned a lot about a lot of things in all of this time. I will also admit to feeling very lonely at times, particularly around this time of year, and some circumstances can exacerbate that feeling at times. But again, I do not believe, nor do I think anyone would believe, that I’m only in the state I find myself in because I don’t have a partner. It’s my growing certainty that a lot of this shit took a lot of years to reach this point. I’ve only really become aware of certain behaviours and the like recently, but when explaining some of them to long term (14 or so years?) friends, they’ve immediately gone “oh? Like...?” and nod along in understanding.   This is who I am; it’s separate from anyone else. It’s my cage match. I’ll fight with or without someone else, because as I said above, really, end of the day? Only I can.