#if you want to change you need to push for greater appreciation and respect for women’s pursuits in addition for the freedom to pursue

[colinfeatherington]

I love eloise but at some point I need her to have a rude awakening about how she always puts down other women for liking things that are traditionally feminine pursuits. it’s fine if she doesn’t like it and she’s entitled to feel frustrated that she’s pressured to pursue them but girl!! you yelled at that guy for disparaging your entire sex but you constantly do the same! what’s wrong with the other girls liking embroidery? it’s an art form!!!

[iravinirattu]

ik im late but im playing through kaveh's hangout event and. the haikaveh brainrot is real

since these losers can't do it themselves i am here to offer my translation services ‼️

al haitham you liar. we are in a library using our indoor voices you did NOT hear us.

and even if you did mr. "i hate small talk" why'd u walk over hmm?? hmm??

"dont mind if i ignore you, i've got my earphones in" <- applies to everyone except kaveh

"okay now that i've gotten him distracted tell me what's wrong so i can discreetly fix it"

mans literally sent kaveh away to boost his confidence a bit + find out if he was okay.

"you annoted those books with such long and beautiful notes that eveyone hated lolol anyways check out those shelfs where there's a book with someone appreciating ur notes"

i can't get over how many exceptions al haitham makes for kaveh. he's not heartless and cruel in the way i often see him portrayed... but at the same time his entire demeanor is "i respect you as a person but won't go out of my way to do things for you unless it benefits me"

like he's one of the only characters who isn't super super close with the traveler, at least that's how i see it in the voicelines! he respects them as a friend, would consider doing things for them if they asked, but that's about it really!

but KAVEH. for someone who enjoys a peaceful life and has such a rational and efficient way of working it theoretically makes no sense for him to do all the things he does for kaveh.

like sure "maybe the cheering up kaveh is just to avoid having to deal with him drunk later", but that's too roundabout of a demeanor to be al haitham's style. plus, if he really didn't want to deal with a drunk kaveh, he could just kick him out.

but he doesn't because he cares, and kaveh does not understand that because he has created a vision of what he thinks al haitham is in his head, and in that vision he, kaveh, has no value so why would haitham have him around?? clearly he's got ulterior motives.

and they won't move further until kaveh lets go of that vision, and he can only do that if he truly realises his own worth, and until then haitham's gonna have to keep pushing him towards that from the shadows.

"he overworks himself, it's not healthy. he forgets the practicality of his ideals when he starts something, thinking he can pull through it, but reality hits him halfway. he can keep his ideals, that's fine, but i wish he was a bit more realistic about them."

"and despite all of the above, despite wanting to uphold his artistic integrity, he still puts everyone's needs before his own."

"his approach is too contradictory, and hence people don't see his talent. there are those who's resolve is so brash they are seen as confident and unshakable; and yet he who is more talented than them all falls behind because he's so easy to take advantage of."

al haitham taught me two new words today lol

irascible - someone with a quick temper

paragon - something viewed as a standard

"if he wants things to change he needs to find a balance between compromise and resolve. there is no way to please everyone, but instead of accepting this, he thinks he can nullify it if he takes all the burden instead."

kaveh's altruism stems from his own self-hatred, moreso than his desire to help others. and while doing a good deed puts a smile on his face, the melancholy guilt that trips him when he doesn't is far greater.

"if they are his ideals then i have no right to say anything about them. but he hurts himself so much as a result of that and i wish he would love himself a bit more."

al haitham has a great deal of respect for kaveh, not just as a scholar but as a person. and it's hard watching someone like that dig their own grave, and there's nothing you can do but wait in the sidelines, because they won't believe anything you say.

al haitham is constantly bickering with kaveh to get him to feel a little, challenge his ideals, find a way to make them work without sacrificing himself in return.

"at this poing talking to him is no use, he's convinced himself that his life only has purpose if it's in the hands of others. all people face hardships in life, but he seems to believe he deserves all he gets and more"

and then after kaveh is back he gives him space to talk about things that make him happy, and more importantly, appreciate himself.

how to tell kaveh i want to listen to his silly lil rants without sounding like a sap - al haitham's brain, probably

al haitham knowing all of kaveh's little buttons, and pressing the right ones after determining his mood, so he can show kaveh he loves him but still sound like a bitch.

"you did so well. i am so proud, and i hope you are proud of yourself too."

and sometimes he does click the wrong one, but then immediately goes back on it, becomes soft(er than usual), offers reassurance, changes the topic, and so on

we saw this in the parade of providence event, when kaveh got legitimately upset at one of haitham's remarks and he immediately went into I HAVE UPSET MY BF recovery mode.

and what i love the most in all this is KAVEH'S DUMBASS IS SO OBLIVIOUS TO THIS LMAOOO

but also it's sad because the reason he's oblivious is because he doesn't think he's worth being cared for like that.

haikaveh's whole vibe is "i love you, but i'd much rather you love yourself first" and "i'm your one and only, your only exception, the one you'd break all your rules for" and i love it.

[yourlocalabstraction]

HMS Merch Update Log #1

Greetings, yourlocalabstraction nation!!!!!!! I have a new system for merch updates from now on. They’ll likely be less frequent, but with more stuff. Kind of like a changelog. So! On with the updates!!!!!

Current Progress

I have almost finalized the 2nd sides for each charms, and shall be starting the lanyards soon (im only gonna be showing a handful of people the double sides. It’ll be a neat lil surprise for everyone else !!!!!!).

Also, here’s our current roadmap:

(Fun fact: that first update is actually this update. Mind the flawed order.)

Charm Quantity??????

Imma be honest with y’all, I have no idea how many charms to order. I was originally going for 50 of each, but that may or may not be over my budget. So I need to know how many of you are planning to order so I don’t miscalculate the amount. If a lot of peeps want these, I am willing to push it a lil bit and spend more. But if it’s the opposite, I’m also contempt with ordering less.

I’m extremely grateful for everyone’s input !!

Nameplates Have Been Scrapped

If you remember the OG charm concepts I posted at the beginning of the month, they all had an extra lil charm on them with their respective names. I’m sorry to say, but these will not be included in the final product. This is due to:

Having another acrylic will bump the price up quite a bit.

Since this is my first time ordering from Vograce, let alone from any merchmaker in general, I wanted to keep things simple and not overcomplicate the process.

I think it’ll overall make the product better. It’s not really needed and would make the whole thing just a tad bit more clunky.

Rendering Change

I know that earlier y’all voted that I render these with the blotchy brush. However, I’ve decided to go with the other. Not only do I have greater control of the colors, It’ll likely look a lot cleaner when printed. I think you’ll appreciate this change, honestly !!!!

That’s all for now methinks. I’m very stressed trying to plan this all out, but I promise I won’t let you all down. Thank you for reading !!!!!!!!! See you in the next update. ˆˆ

[sedna-integration]

I'm tired.

I'm emotionally and mentally exhausted.

I turned 30 yesterday and all day I only wanted to go back home and stare at a wall instead of doing my job. I didn't take my emotional state out on anyone. If anything I went out of my way to try talking to customers who seemed down. But I still need to air out what I'm feeling right now and why because I don't really want to talk about this with anyone.

I do want to preface by saying I have had good things happen to me and I'm appreciative of those things. But the bad is what is weighing on me right now.

---

The past few years have sucked ass. I knew what my orientation was since before using this site in 2009 but never openly commented about it b/c I saw how weird people could get not only from knowing but also the way I can see people try to force ideological things.

The moment I offhandedly mention in in a relevant context that's exactly what happened. That same person went on to disrespect my boundaries and try to force a relationship on me despite explaining to them as politely as I could that I would never date them because of things that have been said/done to me by them. I can see they have grown/changed. But I still just can't. (This started from them learning my orientation.)

Moreover prior to the above: I came across a transwoman who was into some of the stuff I was into and we were just talking/hanging7 out. I think I mentioned one convo I had w/ her about social stuff he lashed out at me. "You're a heterosexual male invading a trans space".

1. I'm bi and was before I met this dude. 2. She and I quite literally hit it off over discussing social issues and Monster Hunter. 3. She actually decided to approach me; not the other way around. Aside from checking on her mental once I never pushed for direct convo before she did. Not that I was uninterested in doing so. I just didn't think she'd want to so I didn't bother.

---

I've had two different people lash out at me and tell me my life is easy. I don't know the full scope of what was going on with them because neither told me. One of them had to deal with his parents divorcing. Despite doing what I could to be there for him by using most of what little money I had as a teenager to check on him weekly via public transport he rarely if ever went outside for over 6y after.

When he finally did go out in college he blamed me for not trying harder. He blamed me for not understanding because "you make friends so easily". I don't. People see I'm nice to people and try to use/abuse me. I give out help liberally (I'm mindful not to strech myself too thin) but none of those people were close to me and most of them did not care about my wellbeing.

He also insisted I had multiple relationships (not all at once mind you) because of secondhand and wrong info just b/c I was seen in the mall with different chicks over the years.

In truth? I was nearly fucked over socially b/c a woman tried to steal me from her supposed best friend and when I denied her advances she made false accusations. To make it worse she tried molesting me repeatedly and all her false accusations were things she tried to do to me. I was lucky it went nowhere. It still fucked me up mentally for 3 years.

But yeah somehow I'd been dating even though I was in mental disrepair.

The truth? I was hanging out in a group for every single thing he mentioned. I was just one of a few guys & there were always more chicks than us in college groups. None of them ever dated me. Some even, without my ever asking, said they'd never do so b/c I'm black so L M FUCKING A O.

I politely told him to never speak to me again. I explained his refusal to actually listen to what he was mistaken about, judging me based on assumptions, lack of attempting to find out what lengths I went to to check on him or anything like that made me feel he has no respect for me.

To make it worse mutuals tried to force me to hang out with him after this despite me explaining in greater detail why I refused to. I was made out to be "whiny", "unreasonable", "inflexible" etc. I put a lot of time and effort into checking on and caring for this dude not expecting anything from doing so. To be lashed out at for not trying hard enough when I put my own wants to the side to be there for him? Absurd.

Paying for the bus to go out to where everyone else lived was a sacrifice I made that prevented me from buying things I wanted to buy or going places I wanted to go because I was poor. I never complained about doing it. I'm not even complaining about it right now. But it's important to understand I actively chose to do that and got ragged on anyway. My prioritizing the wellbeing of a friend over my personal enjoyment wasn't something I had to do. I did it because I wanted to. I sincerely hope he is doing well but I never want to see or speak to him again. I am not tolerating that. Especially because he had months to rectify his misunderstanding or to talk to me about any of this before the day he wantonly laid into me about things he assumed.

The second was drunk off his ass and it did lead to us not speaking for a while but I've let it pass. I'm not really sure what to do with this situation but I've just decided to see how this one pans out b/c it never came up again aside from the 1 off situation.

---

I had someone simply not properly read most what I say for the past 5ish years and assume I'm a misogynist because I speak about guys issues sometimes. Completely missing the fact that I have a better working understanding of social issues than they do and also speak about women's issue too. "Why did you always talk about guys issues to me" Gee I dunno you keep saying things I can't be sure are ignorant or misandrist so instead of accosting you I try to be educational about it. I do the same shit w/ women's issues and they have seen me do this repeatedly. Selective ignorance I guess.

She (also MTF but different from the person mentioned above) apologized and even said she'd betrayed me. This is when they finally asked questions like the above and said "oh you responded in a way I didn't expect you to, that's good". I replied via the discord reply function to show I said most of the exact same things I answered her questions with that night years ago.

---

Another friend lashes out at me because she keeps reading things I say in the most negative possible light. She asked me to do some stuff on an account of hers. The HSR RNG manipulation stuff. While I'm looking over her items I record my doing so to explain what I'm doing as I do it. TLDR: it's a lot of pattern recognition stuff.

I tried to see what the current pattern was likely to be then I looked for items that had worthwhile stats based on what the pattern would likely upgrade. So if top down the stats are 1 2 3 4 and the pattern was 2424 I'd be looking for items with stats worth boosting in both the 2 and 4 slot. When she watched the clips of me just quietly thinking her assumptions were all about how I was prolly thinking her items were shit. That was nowhere remotely near where I was mentally.

When I ask "why did you do x" I ask because I'm trying to understand what her aim was. What she was trying to find. What she was aiming at. I CAN understand that could be taken in a more admonishing way.

But when she makes it clear to me that's what she thought I was doing and I clarify "nah, I was just trying to understand what you were aiming at/looking for" then insists "no you were insulting me" or something similar? I don't think the issue is so much what I'm saying as much as how you're choosing to read it.

Because I heard you. I understood what happened. I tried to rectify things. Hell maybe you need space and that's fine. But you're choosing to disregard the clarity I'm giving and double down on insisting I was trying to do something I wasn't.

I'm made to be accountable for her emotions.

---

I get mad. A lot of what I've spoken about here pisses me all the way the fuck off. But I still sit and process and mitigate and talk through things. I compartmentalize my emotions to a degree even w/ arguments b/c I think focusing on the topic at hand to resolve it is the main thing that needs to be focused on.

I do this b/c I've come to feel if I don't the other party won't. Learned behavior. And honestly? I'm starting to believe it just lets people think they can fuck me over b/c I have a higher tolerance. The tolerance I built up is so I can hopefully work through a situation others can't. It doesn't mean I'm letting you get away with more. I will mention after the main topic whatever you said that hurt and how/why it hurt me. I'll even say it doesn't need to be addressed in the moment but I want to come back to it. And so often people want to sweep things aside and call me out for not dropping things. I drop things when they are something that happens occasionally. If a behavior is consistent it needs to be addressed. If you're gonna blatantly disrespect my feelings/emotions but expect me to value yours?

I shouldn't have to tell you how hypocritical that is.

I have not wanted to poof out of existence this much in a long time.

I'm tired. I'm angry. But I'm not allowed to be angry. Because it's my fault. My phrasing. How I speak.

If I don't assume the worst of you 24/7 why do you assume the worst of me? I understand self-esteem issues being a factor. I understand you had a rough couple years. But the way you treat me is not okay and is something that predates your recent struggles. And now I've shifted to typing this as if I'm talking to you even though I'm 99% certain you won't even see this.

I'm so fucking tired.

[slytherinking2069]

Look Up, Not Down: Finding Hope in the Midst of Struggles

Hey there, people I don't know, but hopefully, you're willing to get to know me. I'm 23, and to be honest, things have been rough for me. But I’m not without hope. I firmly believe that hopelessness is one of the devil's biggest tools. For me, it feels like hopelessness is a constant companion. It’s something I battle with every day.

One of the hardest parts of this is pushing away the people I respect. It’s hard to accept kindness and compliments, so I push them away, sometimes even from the people who care about me the most. I’ve been running away from the very things that could help me. But the thing is, I know I need to stop that.

Life is always changing, and it feels like I’m constantly fighting feelings of loneliness and desertion. Loneliness and desertion are similar, both being negative emotions that stem from hopelessness. I recently heard something that made me rethink everything. The idea came to me while I was going about my daily routine—walking to school, going to the store, doing the usual tasks that fill our lives. I realized we spend so much time looking down. Whether it's out of habit or because we’re focused on our own things, we rarely look up.

The word "isolation" popped into my mind in that moment. We go about our day, keeping to ourselves, never really looking up. I know I’m guilty of this, and I’ve seen it firsthand. But there’s something powerful about the simple act of looking up. It’s almost like a symbol of reaching out to something greater than ourselves, to Jesus Christ and our Heavenly Parents. Looking up is a conscious effort.

So, I’ve started trying to look up more often. At first, it felt strange, but now, I’ve started to notice that it brings me a little more joy. And if looking up can help bring joy, why do we so often choose to look down? It’s so much easier to focus on the negative and sad parts of life, isn’t it? But I’m realizing that looking up can help me see the brighter, more positive side of things, and that’s a fight I’m willing to take on every single day.

Through all of this, I want to give a huge shoutout to my dear friend, Haily. She’s been with me through my worst days. You might even think we were dating because of how close we are, but we aren’t. She’s just a friend who cares deeply. The fact that she texts me all the time has really helped me see that I’m not a loser, like I often feel. She’s been a rock for me, and I want her to know how much I appreciate her for that.

Like many of you, I struggle with things of the flesh—things that are part of being human. I also deal with depression and anxiety. I used to be really outgoing, but over time, those emotional states have caused that part of me to fade away. Yet, even with all of this, I still know there’s hope. It’s hard to see sometimes, but it’s there.

So, if you’re reading this and you feel like I do, remember this one thing: look up, not down. It’s a small shift, but it makes all the difference. Keep fighting, keep looking up, and remember that you’re not alone.

Thanks for reading, and I hope this helps you in some way.

— The Slytherin King

Reworded and edited by AI. It makes it pretty awesome.

[eimearkuopio]

Please forgive the ensuing word salad, you have been very helpful but I'm kind of stuck in runaway train of thought mode.

I think it might help, and I appreciate the effort. I'm less stressed about Catholicism than I was, and more concerned with... The less overt factions who seem to be more than sand on the beach?

I think my issue may be less of an issue than it feels like these days: Irish Catholicism for a very long time was a backlash against British Colonialism and it was very much the spiritual equivalent of "this partner doesn't hurt me as much as I'm used to so this definitely counts as a healthy relationship". The local Church where I am seems genuinely open to greater flexibility, and the synodal movement that Pope Francis is spearheading gives me great hope. But my own frustration comes from my personal experience of... Let's call it "channeling divine flow", because I might just be crazy but if I am then the Universe has decided to take advantage of the opportunity to recalibrate the settings? And I've been told my whole life that such a thing is impossible, and even suggesting it was possible would constitute a terrible sin, and I don't want this but someone needs to step up and I'm not leaving this mess for someone else in my family to clean up. I'm already a shattered vessel repaired via spiritual kintsugi. I think I'm strong enough to get through this mostly in one piece, but I'll be changed along the way no matter what.

Anyway, the Church claims Infallibility and even if they have limited that claim, it puts an absolute onus on them to ensure they communicate what it truly means to be Catholic (which isn't "do as we say or burn in Hell for all eternity" but entirely too many people only ever get that message), so heavy is the crown etc. I'm not a medical doctor but I'm desperately trying to be a physician and heal myself, and to write enough of it down to be helpful for others who are going through something similar. We'll see how it goes. The NHS is doing their best but they have been chronically underfunded for too long. The Church is trying to avoid making my situation worse, which I respect but it still feels frustrating at times. There seem to be a minimum of three other factions involved, and I'm just the ball in the Rube Goldberg machine that is idiots constantly intervening to prevent some great "calamity". Death is the price of living. Catholicism, in my experience, spends too much effort on using an unknowable afterlife beyond the singularity of death as a stick and a carrot, and I just think we need to stop handing all of our suffering to Hashem or Jesus and start building the Kingdom of Heaven here and now, because if we don't, I don't think there will be a next generation. If I could trade my death for their lives, I would; but instead, I have to keep living and pushing this stupid boulder up this hill, sustaining myself on mouthfuls of sinful liver, tormented by answers to questions nobody wanted to ask in the first place. So yeah. I'm definitely not your typical Catholic mess, but I think I'm in the process of inventing something called Quantum Religion that might or might not let us resolve a bunch of BS, but if I'm very lucky writing it down and handing it over to the appropriate authorities will be enough to let me just be a regular person.

God is Love. I stole my shoelaces from the Precedent. Not me, not yet. These are the code phrases I've either recognised or created, and even I don't know yet. Maybe tomorrow.

Part of what makes Christianity at large not a cult is there is no Secret Knowledge. It's all there. You can't level up.

My sister, discussing gnostic heresies

[belit0]

Hey, can you write Indra + size kink + cockworship + nasty cum stuff ?? Sorry, i'm hungry for that man

Sorry this took me SO FUCKING LONG omfg

No need to be sorry, I’m as hungry as you. I haven’t written smut in a while, so bear with me, I’m getting back at it:,(

Tw: Indra knows nothing about communication

When Indra enters the house, the sun has already set. He looks drained, tired. It’s been days since he started wearing his hair loose, devoid of his usual ponytail, and it only helps to make him look more massive than he is.

His steps are heavy as he heads to the bedroom, and when he looks at you with those expressionless serious eyes, you know he won’t be eating dinner today either. That’s okay, you’re not used to spending time together as a normal couple anyway, and you know you’d feel weird if he actually sat down with you and joined you for a meal.

His form disappears down the corridor and you know he has found the way to bed, seeking comfort from the adversities of the day. His shadow is dragged across the walls by the candlelight, and for a moment, it looks like the demon everyone says he is.

But of course, you know better than to believe those ridiculous tales.

It’s been months since this man appeared in your village, a place led by a poor wretch who was trying his best to get his people ahead. Only a few enjoyed good fortune, privilege, and wealth, and you were not one of them. Life before Indra, here, was based on working hard for pennies, finding food wherever possible, wearing the same clothes repeatedly for lack of more garments. Poverty was rampant among almost the entire village population, and despite the leader’s best efforts, nothing seemed to work for the betterment of the situation.

But a mysterious man with long hair and thick shoulders, tattooed eyes, impressive physique compared to the famine-stricken people... left everyone captivated. With just a couple of suggestions and commands, things turned around, and the outlook brightened for everybody. This mysterious man quickly rose in the hierarchical power of the village, and the current leader ended up giving up his place.

Indra became their ruler overnight, and hopes for the future of the town seemed to grow stronger and stronger again.

Town expansion was inevitable, welcoming visitors and travelers intrigued by the legends of this man who brought fortune to a doomed place. Enemies were also unavoidable. The Otsutsuki defended and used all his power to prevent the destruction of the foundations he had built with so much effort, leaving everyone terrified in his steps.

His red eyes became stories used by mothers to frighten disobedient children, his violet beast traveled on the tongues of all the merchants and their incessant rumors.

Respect mingled with fear, yet Indra never wavered.

He looked imposing as he walked the streets of the town, staring at nothing in particular, an expression forged by iron and ice. His towering figure seemed to cast a gigantic shadow over every other man nearby, and all the women were dying to take the vacant place at his side.

Everyone thought as he became leader he would choose one of the few wealthy ladies of the village as his wife, but he did not.

It was months after his ascension to power before he communicated with a woman. And that turned out to be you.

Although the village prospered and grew bigger every day, your life remained the same, complicated. Money was scarce as well as food, and working hard every morning was necessary if you wanted to get a crumb of bread.

You tended the garden of a prosperous family, kneeling in the morning dew, your clothes covered in dirt from the work you had started just a few minutes ago.

Footsteps in front of you broke your concentration, and when you looked up, a tall figure was staring down at you. A flowing robe floated in the wind, and that frown was visible even from the floor. Indra was intimidating without uttering a word.

“You look thoroughly filthy.” He had said. “I’m sorry, my lord.” You had replied, bowing your head in respect.

You did not finish that day’s work, for offering you a wide hand, Indra Otsutsuki himself lifted you from the dirt and escorted you to get a fresh change of clothes. Not one of the worn-out ones you used to wear, but an expensive one, of excellent quality, full of exquisite details. A garment of high society, one of the kind he himself usually wore.

From that moment on, he did not leave your side. It was only a matter of time before you moved into his residence, an immense house in the middle of town. You became the envy of all women, no one being able to understand how their leader could choose a servant girl as his partner.

And despite the fear you felt towards him at first, although his haughty looks seemed to be empty initially, you eventually grew to understand him. Dread turned into respect, affection, love.

After all, he saved you from that life of misery to give you one of luxury and privilege, asking for nothing in return. Even though you slept in the same bed every night, he never touched a single hair on your head, never came near you, never took the initiative you feared he may take.

“Why me?” you asked once, the blush on your face shielded by nighttime darkness inside the room. A large space lay between you both on the bed, and Indra, while you couldn’t see him, probably had his back to you. “You are the prettiest.” He replied simply, and you caught a note of amusement in his voice.

During the day it was rare for you to see him, but at sunset, you would both be in the bedroom. No lustful touches in the middle were necessary to make the night complete, for the silences which at first were awkward eventually were filled with chatter.

That intimidating look, that wide-backed warrior with blood-colored eyes, became a companion, a pleasant person to spend time with. Never smiled, never laughed, but you know he is calm, that he enjoys the moment as much as you do. You’ve seen him interact with other people, how his muscles tense when someone is way too close for his comfort, how his brow furrows when anyone speaks to him. You know you’re the only person he tolerates, appreciates, and loves around him.

That’s why seeing him arrive like this is something uncomfortable in your chest. Slowly following in his footsteps, you find his clothes lost all the way back to the room. You pick up garment by garment, and there is a certain satisfaction as you smell his clothes and feel his perfume. As you reach the doorway, he is already tucked into bed, buried under sheets. One of his arms supports his head and acts as a pillow while his other hand scratches his chest, which is slightly uncovered. One of his legs is bent, and covers slip off his skin, revealing a thigh and worked muscles. His eyes are closed, but he knows you are there.

Leaving his clothing on a chair, you approach him and sit on the edge of the bed, hands clasped in your lap. Rarely have you seen this scene, where he relaxes with all his rights in his own bed. Sex has never been addressed between the two of you, and it’s something you’re grateful for. Rumors travel faster than the wind, and many a woman has walked around claiming to have spent time in the bed of the mighty Indra. Whether that’s true, you don’t know, and you’ve never asked either.

If true, your experience is undoubtedly unparalleled.

Still, seeing him like this, becoming one with the bed and stretching out, getting a taste of his toned chest and his thick thigh... Curiosity suddenly demands more.

“You’re staring.” His eyes are still closed, but to be put on display is still just as humiliating. “I’m sorry...” You’re not sure if get up and leave at that moment, but it’s his voice that clears the uncertainty. “Why? I’m your partner, naturally.”

It feels like confirmation of your actions, and you become brave all at once.

“Can I help you... To feel better?....” Your voice is full of hesitation, yet one end of his lips lifts, revealing a wickedly tinged smirk.

“Be my guest.”

Climbing on top of him, your hands tremble with anxiety and anticipation. His eyes flutter open and he watches you intently, analyzing where your actions lead. The man really is huge, and being partially on top of him, the size difference is even greater. Indra seems to rejoice in your stupor, picking up on your intentions and stirring the sheets covering him as you settle between his legs.

Whatever nervousness you felt about what was to come only grows worse at the sight of his size, as even half-hard, his cock’s intimidatingly enormous length.

“Already frightened?” The teasing tone sliding across his tongue fills you with new determination, and with both hands, you hold his shaft. One at the base and one at the head. Your tongue timidly explores that unfamiliar surface, feeling in your grip how hardness invades his dick second after second.

Your lips wrap carefully around it, and pushing gently, inch by inch, his length finds its way into the pleasantly warm depths of your mouth. One of your hands slowly slides down, dragging skin in its wake.

Fixing your eyes on Indra while trying to deal with the raw, inexperienced situation and size, you notice impatience and need, lust swimming in red eyes dominates his expression.

From an instant to the next, your shoulders are enveloped by two gigantic hands, and position is turned around, a vast body hovering over you and trapping you underneath it.

“You teasing little fucker...”

Being handled like that awakens something on the inside that you rarely felt before, some sort of tingling urgently needing to be soothed. A broad palm grasps your chin, which moves your face in the direction Indra desires as he suddenly engulfed your lips.

You have never kissed this man before, and to be making out with him for the first time in these circumstances should feel wrong... but it only builds up more sensations in your lower belly, a treacherous emptiness, and an almost unfamiliar fire.

Your hands awkwardly find his back, and the need to press him against your face, to demand more, to extract more from those luscious lips is interesting. There is no more distance to close between the two of you, but you want to crush yourself against his labored chest until becoming one.

The moment ends quickly as you gasp for air, and trying to recover, a sultry Indra, who grins viciously seductive overpowers your gaze.

“I’ll introduce you to a thing or two...”

Before you comprehend what his words mean, the position changes again, and his two knees are one on either side of your head. He looks even more terrifying from this angle than in everyday life, and you don’t venture to peek at his dick. Two of his fingers slide across your lower lip, caressing your cheek, and suddenly squeeze your face harshly. Your mouth is forced open, but when his cock slides over your tongue and you understand the functionality of the pose, you ease back.

Your lack of experience was driving him crazy, and rather than loosening him up, you were upsetting him further. Managing the matter with his own hands, or rather with his own hips, Indra finds peace again.

Rising to height, one of his palms cradles your face, while the other supports himself against the wall. You try to find stability by holding onto his thighs, and as he buries himself lower in your mouth, sensations in your body become almost unbearable, coupled with his movements.

Indra is kind at first, gradually pushing into your inexperienced cavity slowly, closing his eyes tightly and fighting the urge to destroy your mouth.

Yet when your jaw relaxes completely, grasping the rhythm and feel of the situation, he lets go. The beast is finally released, and the Otsutsuki fucks your lips with abandon, hitting the end of your throat with each thrust. His hips move with agility, and imagining him between your legs with the same surrender and strength makes you hold on.

Tears decorate your cheeks and eyelashes, blending with the saliva dripping from your mouth every time that cock lunges at your face. Indra becomes completely abstracted, tilting his head back as deep growls rise from deep within his chest.

When air is inevitably needed and you can no longer avoid gagging, you repeatedly slap his thighs, drawing his attention. He leans his forehead against the wall and holds your face with both hands, withdrawing his dick from your throat and catching his breath with difficulty. His gaze is fixed on you, and although you could probably look better, you feel really appreciated under those red eyes.

The fluids from your mouth completely soaked your chest and cheeks, your clothes are soaked, and at the sight, the Otsutsuki slides his fingers across your wet skin, then strokes his shaft twice.

When you catch your breath, you place a kiss on the head which has been hitting the back of your throat for minutes, showing he may continue.

Without a second thought, he burrows deeply into your mouth, reaching a depth he hadn’t hit before. The grunt he exhales makes your skin crawl, and you really want to see him enjoy you like this for the rest of your life.

He gives you time to breathe again, and his thrusts become more shallow, seeking more contact with the softness of your tongue and the warmth of your cheeks. It isn’t long before his length is completely out of your cavity and he works it rapidly, seeking the longed-for finish. You’re not sure what you should do, so you simply watch him, amazed at the size of his hands.

After a few seconds, several white shots paint your face, staining your hair and chest, leaving practically nowhere without even a drop. It’s unexpected, but satisfying.

[lovee-infected]

hello! I read your post where you clarified your opinion on the character of Malleus and to be honest I really appreciated it! I agree with what you say and I have to congratulate you for the detailed analysis!! May I ask (if of course that doesn't bother you) what do you think of Leona's character instead? I ask because I think (like malleus) that some fans have not fully understood the complex personality of this character and I would like to understand more of it too. Thank you :3

Hello dears! First off, thank you very much for your sweet compliments and glad to hear that you enjoyed my Malleus analysis!

To be honest, I think that being mischaracterized isn't the main problem with Leona, the main problem is that not many actually try to give his character a deeper and detailed look which makes us lose a bunch of interesting facts and points about him and his personality. Leona's design is quite brilliant and I guess we all need to take a moment to go through those interesting details in order to understand that he's way greater than we were expecting!

I mainly talked about some possibilities of how he's mischaracterized in part (1),(2) and (12) and in the rest of the parts, we'll be talking about more specific facts and details about his personality that are often ignored.

1) Let Leona be Leona

The simplest yet the most important part to begin with. While we all understand that he has indeed gone through a hard time throughout his life as the second prince and an often ignored child of his family, it's important to realize that this isn't going to change anything about his dark personality.

Accept it, this is just the way he is. He doesn't mind being reckless, doesn't care if he's annoying at the time, doesn't care if anyone likes what he's doing or not, and doesn't see any need to excuse himself for being so.

He's surely got a painful background to go through which him have the right for being so now, but this isn't telling us that he's still a little kitten. Leona is an adult now and considering him to be a soft boy inside who just needs attention and love is totally against the way he actually is. He isn't a child who can sometimes misbehave, he's a grown-up man. He knows what he's doing and how others may think of him because of his reckless actions. This is just how he wants to be, so let Leona be Leona. But I'm not saying that he's gotten to this point for no reason, this claim will be clarified in part (2) and (3).

2) Do not try to excuse his jerky nature

This is somewhat of a continuation of what discussed back in the first part, keep that in mind that this, is just the way Leona is. Saying that he's a cute kitten who just needs more attention and love, and that he'd be a totally different person by just having someone to support and confront him is surely an adorable headcanon, but it doesn't really suit him.

Or another way of this, saying that Leona may often come off as rude but he doesn't mean to, and he holds a kind and soft heart behind that cold and rough personality.

Look, not all characters are supposed to be kind and good inside. Some are specifically designed to present a cruel and rude personality because this is just the way they are, so trying to excuse his nature is nothing different from trying to change his official design. Leona's past life took on an important role in shaping his personality, but it isn't like he's still a 5-year-old child who'd be calmed down if you talk to him.

His current self, is a result of his past and his personal decisions at the moment; as an adult he knows how to handle his personality and behaviors, and he doesn't seem to really care about what others may think of him now. Both him and the others know that he can be much of a jerk at the time, and the point is: He doesn't mind being so.

3) Leona's childhood has seriously effected his personality and life

While his current personality isn't such a thing that can be changed if you just show him some love and attention, keep that in mind that no one is born evil.

What happens when you're supposed to playing and having fun as child but instead you're working your hardest training everyday to master your magic? And even worse, what if all those months and even years of hardworking result in nothing but your family and people's fear and hatred towards you?

He was just a child, and even if he wasn't going to be the next King he needed to be noticed and paid attention to. He needed his family to be at least proud of him and his powers, but all they did was to leave him on his own because all they saw was an angry kid yet no one ever cared to calm him down-! He might've be raised in a castle, yet there are many things he needed more than wealth and money.

As a child he needed attention and motivation, but since almost everyone around Leona failed him on it, this need of his was never fulfilled and as the result, this part of him would always remain as a child.

He still enjoys attention and being phrased like he enjoys nothing, yet it's not like that's enough to change anything about him. It might've been possible to change him in the past, but now, it's useless. He can no longer be easily effected and changed like a child can be.

4) He is telented and confident

Some may think that self-esteem is a problem of his: "Why he recognize that he's already really powerful?" "Doesn't he know that if he stops procrastinating he will achieve the success he's been always wishing for?" "Why is he always comparing himself to the others instead of recognizing his own telents?"

The answer to all these questions and similar ones is: He knows. He knows that he's talented and strong, he knows that just because someone like Malleus is standing higher than him doesn't mean that Leona is weak, and he knows that he can work way harder than he already is.

We'll talk about his procrastination in part (8) but for now, let's focus on his very own opinions about himself. None of us can exactly tell how much he can do and how talented he truly is, because while Leona is totally aware of his own abilities, he doesn't care to use or show them.

In fairy gala, for example, he turned out to be skilled with posing and walking when Vil pushed him into taking the work seriously, but in the end he just did it to get rid of Vil though he could've done it all in the first place! He did know how to pose, how to walk and how to be one hell of a super model without Vil learning him much about it, yet he didn't show the smallest sign of having the ability and knowledge in!

And when he did it, he was sure that everyone would be impressed, and they were! Though he might sometimes be cocky about it he's sure that if he decides to take something seriously, it'll end up in the highest of quality and the best of result, because Leona knows how to get the best of it.

So next time that you see him not wanting to do anything, know that it isn't anything about him lacking confidence or underestimating his own brilliance, he just doesn't care to show it. And at some point, it may even be because he thinks no one really deserves to get his best. He isn't cheap. He knows that he can do it. He just doesn't want to.

5) He was thought manners

Other than respecting ladies, there's a lot about him that shows his maturity and nobility. Leona is indeed real prince, but doesn't care to show it. With that being said, know that he can go from 0 to 100 in a matter of second, just like he did in Fairy Gala and turned into the prince who stole hundreds of hearts.

The thing is unlike Malleus, he doesn't feel the need to act like the royalty he is, most likely because of the same reason we previously discussed: He doesn't think that anyone is worthy of getting that side of him. He can act like a prince, but doesn't see a need to do so. In summary it's more of a: "Yes, I can be just perfect, but you won't deserve it anyway,"

Give Leona the motivation to reveal that hidden side, and you'll see how it'll impress you. Keep that in mind that we don't even know how stunning he can be when he is serious.

6) He is different from the rest of the NRC

One of the most important facts about him which is often ignored, come on! There're too many things that separate him from the rest of the students but are rarely paid attention to.

First off, unlike many of other students, Leona is an adult, and he's been one ever since he was a first grader. The importance of age explains a lot about one's personality, especially when it comes to a school.

While other students, especially 16 years olds like Ace and Deuce, still have a lot to go through to and are much and less open to learning a new thing from experiencing like they're just doing now, Leona is the least likely (Except Lilia) to face those character developments through his 4 years in NRC because he's already gone through them back in his 16s and 17s.

Even his overblot had the least effect on him and unlike Riddle who tried to come up with a rather softer personality and make a difference in his new self, Leona did nothing but to walk off and even during chapter 3 in which Savanaclaw helped MC to defeat Octavinelle, he didn't treat MC any kindlier than before.

His attitude is already shaped as it is, and since he's no longer a teenager it might be really hard to be changed. This is probably the biggest difference between him and the rest of the students in NRC; his personality is rough and almost impossible to be changed now.

7) He loves to be praised

Remember that we talked about that part of him remaining a child? His love for receiving compliments is a result of it.

Though he doesn't need anyone to bring any of his gorgeous features to his attention, he just wants to see people recognize them and beg him to show them more.

If you walk up to him and say how attractive or powerful he looks he'd probably answer you with either an "I know," or an "Of course I am,".

During his Fairy Gala voice lines he once said: "Sorry, I'm used to compliment," which can be defined into some interesting facts about him.

Since Jack too mentioned that he entered NRC because he looked up to Leona as his role model, we can assume that Leona is more than just a forgotten second prince back in his hometown. And since he said that he's used to compliment, it might be that he's already famous and admired by his fans as he already is.

But just as we said, compliment is something he enjoys receiving in general; it isn't going to effect him in any special way that might change anything about his personality.

It can't be said that he'd ever mind having someone around to phrase him though, he's more of an "Phrase me and don't stop" type and it isn't something that he'd ever reject unless it turns into something annoying.

8) There's a rather interesting stories behind his lazy nature

This one is rather important, Leona doesn't sleep because he's always tired or sleepy in general. And you need to know that Leona's sleeping issues are totally different from someone like Silver's!

Silver literally can't control his sleeping issues and that's how he's often found asleep in weird places but doesn't even know how he suddenly falls asleep while Leona, can stay awake by his own will whenever he wants to, he's just doesn't want to.

In contrast to a rather common belief on Leona being extremely lazy, he can actually be really hard working at the time. This guy had been through some extreme training as a child, therefore he can do way harder now that he's an adult. Sleeping is literally his way of saying "I don't care", so whenever he's got nothing interesting or worthy of staying up for, he goes back to sleep.

If we give it a psychological look sleeping too much often happens to people whose lives have no specific goals, they're neither motivated nor interested to stay awake if they've got nothing to do so -> Sleeping is the best thing they can do. You can tell that Leona sort of lacks motivation in general, because this considerably lazy lion is the same person as the one who's already working his ass off to prepare for the magic shift tournaments.

In the end, all that matters is what he desires. He's also pretty obsessive with his goals so when he wants something, there's nothing to hold him back from doing anything to achieve his goal. He wants it, he gets it.

9) Leona can be childish, but he isn't a child

We previously discussed why his childhood has effected his personality and now, you may wonder how it's effected him. A child's crucial needs are necessary to be fulfilled during their childhood because they. But even as those needs aren't taken care of, they would remain as holes inside the child's personality, because they're necessities which the child's character will always lack. This is much and less of what I meant by saying that this part of Leona always remains a child.

We talked about how he loves to be praised and appreciated, but now let's think of another example that can reveal that wild child. At nearly the end of Octavinelle's chapter, he was literally acting like a big bad boy taking candy (contract) from a baby (Azul). It's not just that, we can tell that he somehow enjoys bullying and teasing others in general. He won't even take it easy on his close friends like Ruggie or Jack, as he repeatedly insulted Jack back in chapter 2 & 3 and was even close to killing Ruggie in chapter 2.

Leona wants to feel powerful, and to be treated like a King. That's why he sometimes enjoys ordering others like Ruggie around all though he knows that before everything, Ruggie is his friend and deserves to be treated better.

He didn't have many friends as a child, therefore he doesn't really get to be a the perfect friend that his allies might deserve now. It's something rather hard to change about him, but those who know and care for him would certainly understand him and know that this is just the way he is, just like Jack and Ruggie are doing now. They could've left him all alone instead of staying by his side all the time, yet they continue to support and be there for him because they do care for Leona.

10) For now, Malleus is the Mufasa of his story

This one's pretty interesting, I really appreciate the creativity used in this design. We all know that Leona's creation was inspired by Scar from 1994's Lion King, therefore I'm pretty sure that almost all of you are familiar with Lion King's famous tragedy:

As the result of Mufasa's reign over the past few years, hyenas had been living in hunger and dread, there wasn't much food left for them to hunt and they didn't dare stepping into Mufasa's territory either. So Scar decided to take advantage and convinced hyenas that their hard and pitiful lives is Mufasa's fault as the King. He gained their attention and support to help him bring down the King, and promised them the wealthiest of lives where they'll never go hungry again in return. And that's how his plan to kill his own brother succeeded.

Now try to use the same plot in twst, but how is it possible? You may think that it must be with Farena Kingscholar because, Mufasa was also Scar's brother, but there's a problem: Farena isn't in NRC.

We don't know what is going to happen in the future storyline where we might get to face a real legacy between Leona and Farena, but for now, he needs someone in the Night raven College itself to play the role of that special rival so he can present his inner villain. And who would that special rival be? Malleus Draconia.

Now think about what happened in chapter two:

Savanaclaw had been the winner of magic shift tournament for decades until Malleus Draconia entered NRC. His iconic magic skills and horrifying powers led to Diasomnia's championship over the last two years. Savanaclaw is pissed off because they literally can't do anything against him and Leona on the other hand is so mad, (This point would be discussed in the next part) and can't stand Malleus wiping the whole Savanaclaw out for a third year. To top it off, he knows that if this happens again, Malleus would find his way to NRC's hall of fame. So Leona convinces the whole Savanaclaw that it's unfair to the rest of the NRC to lose the chance of revealing their talents and using their skills because of Malleus, and asks them to help him bring Malleus down therefore not only Savanaclaw would have a chance to win again, but also the rest of the students will actually have an opportunity to join a fair battle against each other.

See? This is JUST how Scar used Hyenas' weakness against them to make them pave the way for him and bring his enemy down. But the most interesting part is, it didn't end up in victory like Scar's plan did!

11) His relationship with Malleus has a lot to tell

Some may wonder just how does he think of Malleus? What is the feeling is even supposed to be? Is it jealousy? Hatred? Confusion? But I'm not going to talk about how he exactly feels. Instead, I want to talk about why he's feeling so.

First off, you need to know that Malleus and Leona are two sides of the same coin. They're both princes, they come from well known familiesband they're both great and often feared magicians but, there are some big differences:

Malleus would soon be the King, is among the greatest magicians of the world, is respected and well-known throughout the whole Twisted Wonderland and always finds his way to be the number one in anything that he's involved in.

The big difference between Leona and Malleus is that Malleus has gained everything that Leona always wished to have, he achieved them and Leona failed to do so. Malleus presents the picture perfect Leona thad he'd always wanted to be, and that's why Leona can't stand him.

It's not like he can be blamed for feeling so though, even the thought is painful. Imagine knowing that someone just like you exists in this world which has got everything that you once wanted, just why should it be so? Why should Malleus be the one to have them and not Leona? Isn't this life just too unfair...?

And the most irritating part about this is that Malleus doesn't feel the same way. Leona considers him to be his greatest enemy yet Malleus doesn't even consider Leona a rival. Malleus is always calm while Leona rushes to him which again is annoying, as if he doesn't take Leona seriously at all and this is driving Leona crazy.

That's why he can basically do anything just to make Malleus frown at least, he doesn't care if he's okay himself or not because all he wants is Malleus not to be okay. Another annoying fact about it is that it's really hard to insult or use anything against Malleus because he's just...too perfect. Even Leona won't dare underestimate his powers because he knows that it'll end in no good. He's basically looking for each and every possible detail about Malleus to use against him.

Just like how he did back in Malleus's SR robes story. He couldn't use anything better than telling Malleus that he'll never be invited and making fun of his horns to insult him. It's so annoying when you want to torture someone so badly but you just have nothing useful against them. He is ready to do everything to make Malleus angry, to make his calm and respectful expression disappear and finally take Leona seriously as his rival and enemy.

I'm sure that Leona doesn't know anything about Malleus's tamagotchi otherwise he would've told the whole school about it by now.

12) He isn't one to easily fall in love or to be effected by anyone

Many of the previous parts can reason this point, we talked about his personality, why it's so hard to change anything about him and how we should let Leona be Leona. But still many wonder if he can still fall in love? And the answer is: Yes. Leona as well can fall in love but it isn't necessarily easy.

Leona isn't used to letting people in and accepting that he needs them in life, which is why a relationship with him can have a pretty slow development.

In the first place, it'll take a rather long time for him to first trust someone let alone accepting them as a friend. He's pretty hard to approach you see, mostly because he often wants to be left on his own. He doesn't want to desire or need anyone and doesn't think that he'll ever need any other beings except for the times when he wants to get his room cleaned or have his meal prepared.

Love is something odd to him and it takes a very long time for him to actually feel it. You might think that he won't get it when someone loves him to the point of having to slap and shout: "Can't you see that I'm flirting with you..!??", but he's actually the total opposite. Note that he's pretty smart and would quickly realize it when someone's even staring at him, so nothing would be easier than telling if someone if having a crush on him. But he'd pretend that he doesn't know.

He doesn't really care what others feel about him and even as one loves him, he sees no reason to love them back. Whoever his lover is, they need to be really really patient with him because they must prove him that they aren't giving up this easily. He'd most likely try to tell you off and make you hate him multiple times, it really confuses him to see someone not letting go of him despite knowing how cold and mean he can be. He isn't a stray cat that would that would have his heart melted if you give him some head pats or treat him nicely, gaining Prince Leona's attention is no easy.

Even as he falls in love, it isn't going to totally change everything about him, so we can't expect him to let go of each and every poor manner of his because some of them are basically linked to the way he is in general.

He'd be different though, he tries to be more respectful and charming toward the one he desires, but as a lover he's often the: "Shut up and kiss me" type. He'd still be into teasing, but not in a humiliative way. He just enjoys messing with the people he likes so it's more of his way to play with his darling and showing admiration!

Beware though, if he falls in love, his darling would be his new goal, and he'd take no effort in making his darling his and only his. If he wants the darling, it must be him and only him who will get to have them. Just as much as it's so rare of him to actually reach the level of loving someone, know that he'll be so dangerous when he's serious about it. He won't be messing around when it comes to love.

I can keep talking about him all day but this has already gotten really long and I don't want it to get boring or any longer to read- I must admit that Leona's charater is quite interesting to study and the amount of details about his personality is surely fascinating!

[river-bottom-nightmare]

Hey I read this somewhere idk a fic or something maybe idk if its canon, that like brucie Wayne is Bruce's public, tabloid persona, dicks is Richie grayson and only people who knew him, family or friends call him dick

hmmmm. see, here’s where it gets a bit tricky babe.

so, it’s very clear that bruce has 3 different personalities: “brucie wayne,” the over-the-top borderline alcoholic playboy who throws money around like it’s nothing and over the years, has become (not canonically, but accepted by the fandom as) a kind of dull but doting father. then there’s batman, the gruff professional legend that actually acts as more of a legend than a human and drives everything for the sake of the mission. and then there’s just bruce, who is a little more relaxed and caring version of batman that’s only let out around his family and a few close friends.

but dick,,,,doesn’t really have that?

now as far as i’ve seen and read, dick grayson is,,,,dick grayson. the public calls him “dick,” (or probably, as i headcanon, “dickie grayson”). he’s seen as a cute little kid that bruce took in during the early years. i’m stopping myself from screaming and saying a bunch of words because jesus christ is high society racist. then later on when he grew up, people started treating dick as a mini-bruce: a fun, flirty playboy. 

the thing is, there isn’t,,,,that stark of a difference between dickie and dick. with bruce, you get whiplash, but for dick, it’s almost as if a couple pieces fall into place? they’re both cheerful, exuberant, funny people who are freely affectionate and loving. 

(and part of that playboy persona is actually dick’s.

there’s an absolutely disgusting trend in comics that i’m sure almost all of you have noticed of dick being objectified, catcalled, and sexually assaulted by a lot of people in the dc universe, mostly women. and dick’s shown to be very uncomfortable with all this unwanted attention from people he doesn’t know or doesn’t know well. we all as readers are also uncomfortable with this.

but it’s also shown that when he’s with his friends, he does act playful, fun, and flirty. this is because there’s already a foundation of mutual trust and respect, along with a relationship built on years of friendship. once dick knows, is familiar with, and comfortable with someone, his naturally fun and flirty side comes out, and it’s usually mutual bantering on both sides. and dick’s okay with it. he enjoys it because it’s a way of him relaxing and playing with his friends, and it isn’t at all affected by his appearance or anything because he’s known these people for years, because knows that the mutual appreciation of each other comes from friendship.)

so there’s that: the fact that dickie grayson and dick grayson’s personalities aren’t all that different.

but then there’s the fact that dick grayson is a performer. and he has a lot of masks. it’s almost like there are minute personality changes every time dick’s company and position in the team or duo changes. this is partially due to evolving times, character changes, and of course different writers. but this is something i’ve seen happen with the same author, and if i’m wayyyy off-base, then this can just be a hc of mine that explains the way dick’s core personality changes from writer to writer (ignoring the few writers that just completely obliterated him.)

when dick’s with the titans, he steps up as a leader. he’s commands respect and gives respect in return, issues out orders, sometimes has some control issues but he works through those and learns to listen to his team. when dick’s with the original fab five, or kori, or babs, he lightens up a bit. he’s more easygoing, relaxed, and goofy. he’s still committed to his job and has a strong work ethic, but you can tell he allows himself to chill a little bit in the presence of people that he knows has his back. 

when dick’s with the batfam, he acts as sort of an authority figure. this came after jason, once dick started assuming responsibility for tim, but it continued on with each addition. bruce has obviously been the figurehead and sort-of patriarch of the batfam since the beginning, and alfred and babs are people the bats love and respect and give credit where credit is due. and trust me, it’s a lot of credit. but dick’s become their emotional anchor, someone they know they can rely on, someone they fall back on when they need it. he’s their safety net. (although i have to say. recently jason has been turning into the batfam team mom. idk what that’s about but i am thoroughly amused and kinda enjoying it.)

when dick’s with bruce, he becomes,,,,,,,i don’t want to say more childlike because dick’s gone to great lengths to make sure bruce respects him and treats him as an adult. and bruce does, for the most part. but there’s years and years of history between the two of them, and you can’t just wipe away the years of bruce raising dick as his own kid. too much has happened for them to go back to the easy dynamic they used to have, but too much happened in the past for them to ever pretend like they don’t mean as much as they do to each other. so,,,yea dick takes on a little more of a childlike role and bruce acts a tad more paternal than he normally does in the suit.

and when dick’s allied up with people to defeat either a greater or common enemy, his demeanor changes once again. allied, or fighting against people he has history with. this includes shrike, deathstroke, and tiger. when he’s with them, the nightwing mask drips into his entire personality. he’s chatty and witty, but each word is carefully calculated and has a purpose. he makes barbed jokes, fights with 110% of what he’s got, and pushes himself to his limits without ever letting anyone else know.

this is probably how the public never figures out he’s nightwing. (,,,,,,,most of the time.) dickie grayson is probably just different enough from nightwing that no one puts it together. going back to my point of dick being a performer, he probably holds himself differently, moves his body differently, styles his hair differently, has a different resting face, etc. these subtle changes are what people absorb easily, and are what throw people off. dick also probably uses this in the other masks i mentioned above, depending on how approachable, easy, or cunning he needs to appear. 

there are constantly thousands of masks that dick’s putting on and taking off. so to sum up my own, person opinion and very long, very wordy, very rambly answer to your quick question: no, dick doesn’t have different drastic personalities like brucie wayne and batman. but dick does have a bunch of masks, and he slightly shifts his personality depending on his company. 

[obeymeluv]

(Pact) Marks the Spot - [Beelzebub x Fem!Reader]

It’s 1 AM. Have some Beelzebub smut.

Now I’m getting all kinds of pact mark ideas. May put out some pact mark headcanons. 

Unedited because it’s 1 AM.

Despite the thousands of years demons had been alive, pact marks were exceedingly rare. Mostly because humans had lost the ability to summon. Most people who managed to summon demons did it by sheer luck or for nefarious reasons. Sometimes it took multiple attempts to pull a demon; half the time demons took pity on the humans and showed up for the hell of it (and a snack). At the end of the day, demons had to choose to make a pact and that was rare in itself.

Giving your real name had inconceivable power in a world like the Devildom, where non-humans roamed. Making a pact had the same weight and bore the same vulnerability.

And yet you had several.

Mammon’s pact mark was on the side of your arm where bicep meets shoulder, Levi’s was on the back of the opposite shoulder (even his pact mark wanted to stay away from Mammon!) and Beel’s was adjacent to your belly button, basically on your hip.

It was rare for a human to have one pact mark, let alone three. You were slowly learning things about pact marks. Things that hadn’t happened in so long they were basically speculation in the Devildom. Demons could “pull” on the pact marks just like humans could, and each brother had a different sensation. When Mammon secretly vied for your company, it felt like a hummingbird beat against your shoulder, a little kid pulling hesitantly on your sleeve. Levi rarely “pulled” on his pact mark, but when he did it was a long push with gentle pressure, like fingertips on your skin. Beelzebub never consciously pulled on your pact mark and you swore you only got his muscle pains.

Satan was absolutely bewildered by the concept. Shouldn’t you be able to feel something else with Beel? Surely you’d at least be a little hungry, right? It sparked many conversations between the brothers and Diavolo. Did Beel not have this ability for some reason? Was it because he was sixth-strongest? Could you only feel things with Mammon and Levi because they were second- and third-strongest, respectively?

Beel was basically already linked with Belphegor…did that hinder his ability to “pull” with you? Satan, for all his infinite knowledge and even greater amount of books, could not answer this. There were ancient scrolls in Diavolo’s castle that were too frail to unroll. No one wanted to test it, honestly, and appreciated them as the relics they were. They had been translated and written up several times over the centuries, but the books were either missing pages or just gone completely.

Humans who’d summoned demons in the past liked to ask for Devildom “souvenirs” and textbooks were a favorite. So many had been traded for favors from summoners or witches. Diavolo vividly recalled a brazen attendant spiriting one away now and then; he was convicted and executed for selling them to traders. Most of them were never recovered.

Beelzebub could come when summoned and that’s what mattered. They chose not to look into it any farther than that. What would it matter? There was nothing written on it anymore. There were quiet whispers that maybe you couldn’t feel Beel “pull” because you weren’t as close to him as Levi and Mammon. As in: you could pull from him per the ‘master�� clause of the pact, but he chose not to pull on you.

That hurt you, honestly, because he was an absolute sweetheart. Out of all of them, you could definitely SEE the ex-angel in him and how he acted. How he treated people. You thought you got along well! You liked to go on walks, try new food, and sometimes he used you as resistance weight when he practiced!

If that wasn’t being close, what was?!

You’d been thinking about it a lot, so used to Mammon’s ghosting squeeze throughout the day. It was like his way of checking on you without saying it aloud (because he could never be honest). Sometimes you could feel Levi’s frustration, your shoulder prickling like a knot forming on the muscle. But Beel? You didn’t feel anything in particular when you brushed your fingers over the mark, shirt held up in front of a mirror as if that would give you a sign.

When you touched the pact mark for the other brothers, there’d be a push back. Almost like a question. Yes, do you need something? It was crazy how the sensations could put words in your brain. Almost like they were translated for you, a human, to comprehend. That human-demon translation was possible; Satan had found that much.

So the brothers were basically telepathic. To an extent.

You’d pout in front of the mirror and wish to feel something. You’d stand there for ages, wondering if you were pushing any buttons in Beel’s brain. Triggering a want to send you a sign. When nothing happened, you’d let your shirt drop down and go about your day.

Your wish was finally answered one morning when a low, throbbing warmth seemed to radiate from the mark. You didn’t get your hopes up. It was probably a muscle cramp, some kind of post-stretch that had Beel feeling tender. A sharp pain bolted through you as you changed into your RAD uniform, the force of it enough to make you lean into the wall for support. It definitely felt like a muscle cramp, like someone who’d done a lot of ab work bent too low the next day.

It scared you to think this was only a fraction of what he felt. The pact mark was supposed to filter down emotions and sensations to levels that humans could tolerate, but only when the demon focused. If the demon was taken by surprise or felt something stronger than they anticipated, that would reflect in their pact mate.

Whatever he was feeling had your stomach in a flutter. The throbbing had dulled but a twisting sensation had taken its place. You felt something building, building, building in your stomach. A warmth overtook you, first nice and relaxing, then searing, and you wondered if Beelzebub had put on some kind of muscle cream. Half-dressed, you ran to the twins’ room to see what he was doing.

It was a brief run, and the rush of air seemed to cool your stomach. You thanked your lucky stars that Belphegor was nowhere to be found as you burst into the room. The throbbing sensation returned with a vengeance, the heat swelling in you as you drew upon the bathroom. One of the brothers was showering in there.

You started for the bathroom, whimpering when the throbbing grew strong enough to make your thighs shake. Clutching the doorway, you pressed your thighs together. A light-headed feeling overcame you and you swear you saw glimpses of white. Glimpses of Beel with an unnaturally long tongue snatching the shower curtain back and watching you with an intensity that made your heart stutter.

That flash of light must’ve only been seconds but you awoke to droplets of water raining down on you. Beelzebub towered over you, naked and freshly showered and radiating a warmth almost identical to what you felt in the pact mark. He slammed the door shut with a shove that snapped you to your senses.

You felt like you were recovering from a shockwave. Ripped from a dream.

“Fuck,” you heard Beel hiss. A grumbling, guttural sound rolled in his throat as he propped you up, hands scooting you back against the door, pushing your legs flat, pulling you up by the shoulders so you sat a little straighter, and propping your chin up against a few of his fingers so you could look at him.

His horns were out.

“Why are you mad at me?” you slurred, sounding offended.

“I’m not.” He gnashed his teeth in frustration and it was the first time you’d seen them up close. He and Satan had the sharpest teeth in the family. That was something of a bragging right between the two, enhanced by their sins, but they looked even sharper now. “I’m just…” Beel struggled with his words, his brow furrowed in thoughtfulness and agitation, “feeling a lot of things right now.” his chest heaved as the words finally came out.

Those big hands flexed in emphasis, in frustration that he couldn’t make you understand.

“Like?” the fog was starting to clear from your brain.

“Like how I choose not to connect with you because I care about you. I don’t want you to feel the endless hunger I feel, the absolute power it has over me.” Beel was starting to find his center, to calm down. “Like how upset I felt when my brothers even suggested I can’t pull on your pact mark because I feel nothing for you.” His horns flared again, cracking audibly as the spiraled around his wet hair. They seemed to harden and curl with conviction.

Kind of like a bull getting ready to charge and gore someone.

“Then what the hell was that?” you make a point to look at his face, to crane your neck up so he doesn’t think you’re following the lines of his chest or looking between his legs.

His eyes softened as he looked at you. They glittered against the bathroom light and wet floor. Beel’s lips lifted in a sweet smile hemmed with fangs. A blush lit his cheeks, starting at his cheekbones and spreading, when he broke your gaze. “I pulled on your pact mark.” Beel’s eyes shot to yours with a suddenness that made you flinch and hit your head against the wall.

You felt frozen in place. His eyes were hard and dark, like a real violet crystal. “Wh-what was I supposed to feel?” your voice was so small you wondered if he heard it. You had an idea of what it was, but you wanted to hear him say it. To have him admit it.

“How much I love you.” Beel said slowly, his face completely turned away from you. He couldn’t bring himself to look at you if you felt anything less. There was something else he could say, but he was afraid it’d be too much considering this ‘confession’ happened because urges got the best of him. Because he let his feelings sit for too long instead of being honest with you.

“Was it supposed to feel like an orgasm?”

WHY DID IT COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH?! IT WAS TRUE, BUT WHY?! Here Beel was with his beautiful soul and his shy confession and you just STEAM ROLLED OVER IT!

The heat flared in your stomach again, swift and hot and somehow worse despite the fact you were sitting on a cold bathroom floor. Beel’s fingers reached for one of your ankles and he stopped himself. Burning eyes stared into you, and it was the first time you saw the muscles in his throat and jaw strain to hold his tongue. It slithered between his teeth, serpentine and seeking. “I love you that way, too.” Beel mumbled shyly, looking down.

Looking away, as if he was ashamed to say so.

You felt yourself melt against the floor, hoping the cold would soothe your burning body and calm your beating heart. Beel fell down around you, propping himself up on a forearm carefully placed by your head. “It’s a different kind of hungry,” he whispered with a hint of anguish and terror, forehead against his fist, “and I am not made to bear it. This isn��t supposed to be my sin.”

Beel wanted to cry. He was afraid his feelings were too strong for you, a human.

It finally hit you. This beefy cinnamon roll loved you and lusted over you. He was so overwhelmed with the sheer love he had for you—more than one kind—that it finally broke through his pact mark filter. When you realized that it made you feel even more special. It meant he’d been thinking of you, focusing for your benefit, this whole time.

“I can share that burden,” you whispered quietly, bumping his chin with your forehead. He pushed himself up onto his hands and knees lightning fast, slipping a little on the floor. Your hands shot out to hold his shoulders in case he fell (not that it would do anything).

“You mean it?” Beel’s eyes were wide and searching. “You feel what I feel?” he asked, cupping your face in one hand, fingers reaching around the back of your head to cradle it.

“Yeah.” You blushed, pressing your cheek into his hand as you looked away. That big purr rolled in his chest, the one he was happy to give when you hugged him. The pact mark gave off a subdued warmth that surrounded you and comforted you. It felt like he was hugging you to him. It translated to Look at me, and you saw his violet eyes blazing, tongue slithering out in its ravenous glory.

It was one of the first times you’d really seen his “demon” qualities shining through. It was fascinating in a shameful way; you couldn’t look away. Didn’t want to. I’m about to feast, you could feel the cold floor on your bare skin now, and you wondered how many pieces your clothes were in.  

He was starting to salivate a little and your heart leapt in your throat as those sharp teeth winked at you. Beel pressed himself flat against you, peppering your naked stomach with sloppy, hungry kisses. A small part of you—an irrational, stupid part—thought he’d start burrowing through until he hit muscle and organ. Instead he traced with his lips and tongue, strong hands coming up to grab at whatever he could reach. Beelzebub kissed his pact mark and you swore he conspired with it, your walls clenching around nothing and desperately wanting something.

“So beautiful,” Beel’s groping turned to massaging and kneading. Wet kisses slipped down towards your sex and he hummed against you. Hummed in restraint and desire. In contentedness that he could have this moment. His fingers found you first, teasing your clit and running the length of your slit before delving inside. You both cursed, probably at the same time.

You braced one foot on his chest as he propped your hips up with his free hand. Your back arched, head bumping into the wall. Beel’s fingers kept a steady, surprisingly tame pace. A total contrast to the eager head you could feel prodding at your back as he rolled his hips. His fingers dragged along your walls, curling in ways that made your body clench.

Everything was hot and you didn’t know if it was the closeness of him or the pact mark. Was he sharing his feelings with you or just exploiting your deliciously sensitive human nerves? It didn’t take long for you to orgasm. You looked at him through his lashes, mewling as he gingerly folded your knees to your chest and opened you up. It was stretching muscles and kindling feelings that had barely started to die.

“You look pretty like this,” Beel rasped in a voice cut with fangs. He kissed your ankle a few times, moving towards the bend of your knee as he stared down at you with a mix of love and pure hunger. Humans were delectable all their own, but the tang of your orgasm was something he’d rip people apart for. The desire to taste you overtook him, his tongue snaking out of his mouth as he buried himself between your thighs.

You gave a wanton moan that damn near made him orgasm. As an angel, he never understood how demons could torment humans so. Now? Now he perfectly understood the almost obsessed drive to coax all of these pretty noises out of them. How such a thing was worth the damnation, the rumors, and the reputation.

He was kissing you and suckling you and you saw the white come back into your vision again. You thought your heart was going to give out! You bobbed in and out of consciousness with each throb of pleasure, your body trying desperately to clench around the muscle. Beelzebub indulged in your orgasm like the last bite of an exquisite meal, daring to flick your swollen clit with the tip of his tongue as he drew it back into his mouth. The Avatar of Gluttony licked the corner of his lip, as he often did when he was satisfied with a meal (a small quirk you’d picked up on).

His lips were puffy and shiny, much like yours. He let you catch your breath, resting one leg on his shoulder. “This is why I didn’t want to tell you how I felt,” Beel muttered as he rubbed the leg on his shoulder comfortingly. He put your other leg on his shoulder, squeezing your calves now. “I knew I would always be hungry. I would always want you. I didn’t want you to feel like meat….like an object.”

“But I liked how that felt.” You smiled at him.

“I’m trying to be serious,” Beel huffed, sliding your legs down to his hips as he moved between your legs to meet your gaze. His lips ghosted over your chest and latched onto your neck. “I could eat you all day long,” he said more to himself, the words muffled by his lips. Beelzebub started to rut against you. At some point he must’ve orgasmed because his cock was slick, sliding across your sex and rubbing on your stomach.

His teeth pinched your neck and you gasped. Beel’s cock twitched.

“You have control, and I know you love me. Sex is just a bonus.” you wrapped your arms around his neck. Beel’s kisses turned almost kittenish as he basked in the feel of you hugging him, cradling him so gently. His heart swelled with love as he nuzzled against your skin. He felt your legs winding around him as you tried to angle yourself for his cock to find. He reached between your bodies to stroke himself.

“If I don’t,” he managed between grunts of ecstasy and frustration, “I’ll get you pregnant.”

Was that a warning or a promise? He certainly had the stamina for it.

Was there scientific evidence of demon sperm being especially potent for humans? Beel finished on your stomach before your thoughts could wander too far. He felt the desire ebb for the first time in what felt like ages and leaned back to take in how angelic you looked on the floor with your messy hair and tender body just starting to blossom with the colors of his affection. It seemed impossible, but that sight was more satisfying than fulfilling a craving. He laughed to himself—poor little dazed human. A cute little dazed human, though—as he cleaned you off with the towel he’d set aside for his shower.

Beel swaddled you in a new towel, wrapped one around his waist, and stood to collect you. He set you on his bed and shrugged into some clothes. The sight was just as nice as the sex, if not better. He handed you a shirt, his eyes shining like an excited puppy as he waited for you to put it on. You slipped it on and he purred long and deep, sliding into bed with you. The sixth-born scooped you into his strong arms, pressing your stomach against his face and bringing you up towards the headboard.

“I love you,” he kissed your stomach. Kissed his pact mark.

“I love you,” you petted and played with his drying hair. The post-sex lull sauntered in and your thoughts began to slow. The last coherent one you remembered was how were we not interrupted?

“I told Asmodeus I was going to confess to you and Lucifer overheard. He was a little concerned things would ‘evolve into impropriety’ so I made a bet with him. If he and my brothers could pin me to the floor, he could supervise the confession. If I won, I could do it my way.”

You stopped petting his hair, now wide awake. “You beat all of your brothers?!”

“Of course!” he laughed into your stomach. “Well...sort of. Levi didn’t try, Asmodeus sat out as a protest, and Satan and Belphie just watched. Mammon was going to take bets but Lucifer said if he helped, he’d pay off some of his credit card debt.”

“So you beat up Lucifer and Mammon?”

“Not totally,” Beelzebub shimmied up the bed until you were nose-to-nose, wrapping his arms around you. “I threw Mammon out of the house a few times; he finally decided to watch through the window. Lucifer fought the hardest.”

“When are they coming back?”

As if to answer you, his D.D.D started going off. Beelzebub reluctantly untangled himself to grab it. You could hear him opening and closing chats. “Soon,” he replied as he set it down. “It took them a while to agree on furniture.” He tucked himself into you again.

“Furniture?!”

“Well…we broke a few things.” He admitted bashfully. “A lot of things.”

Now you were tempted to go down and see what the first floor looked like. Beelzebub felt your leg stretch over him, your body trying to push off the bed. There was a gentle insistence in your stomach, like a little weight pressing you to the bed. A sweeping feeling of comfy and cuddle me that sapped your willpower. Beelzebub was pulling on your pact mark.        

[daysswiftlycomeandgo]

I've been thinking about how upset some people get about fans shipping non-canon gay or lesbian ships. There are plenty of arguments out there on both sides, some more valid than others. But what I want to talk about is the assumption that someone who ships a same sex couple, only ships same sex couples and that these fans can't enjoy a friendship between two characters of the same sex without wanting it to be romantic.

Now I've been reading fanfiction for close to 2 decades and I've shipped couples across the spectrum of sexuality. And I fall firmly in the camp of: I ship couples that have the most development and it just so happens that most media up to this point has been dictated by white men and thus the characters who get the most development are white males and males in general tend to have more characterization than women.

So as someone who ships same sex couples and also loves a good friendship/found family, I just want to give some examples of different forms of storytelling and how they affect shipping. (This is only from my perspective and I am in no way a professional.)

Now of all the shows I've loved and obsessed over in my life, the two shows that come to mind quickest in terms of quality friendship storytelling are Psych and Scrubs. The center of both of these shows is a friendship between two males and yet the most popular ships of these shows are the heterosexual ones. I would argue this is the case because the shows gave actual storylines to their female characters and gave them lives outside of the male characters. When you have fully fleshed out characters it's way easier to become invested in their relationships.

Let's take a closer look at Psych. We meet Juliet in the second episode of the series, and while the attraction between her and Shawn is obvious, it takes 4 and a half seasons for them to start dating. Throughout the first four seasons there is a much greater focus on Juliet adjusting to a new city and new job and proving herself. We see her build close friendships to Lassiter and Chief Vick as well as Shawn and Gus. Throughout the series we see Shawn change more as a result of his relationships with Gus and Henry than as a way to get Juliet to go out with him. Juliet and Shawn build a mutual respect and love for each other before ever dating. And they have other relationships in their lives that are just as important to them as their romantic one.

Which leads into the friendship between Shawn and Gus which is the most important relationship in the entire show (followed closely by Shawn and Henry). Shawn knows when to push Gus out of his comfort zone and Gus knows when he needs to pull Shawn back. They are open with each other about their jobs, their sex lives, their families, their insecurities, etc. Something interesting to me is that there are multiple scenes in Psych in which Shawn and Gus pretend to be romantic partners when working a case. Usually something like that would be shipping fodder, but Psych treats it as a given, a natural product of their closeness and the situation at hand. There is no gay panic or even an ounce of awkwardness afterwards. The scene happens and they continue on as they always do.

I feel no desire to ship Shawn and Gus because the relationships presented to me are already the best version I can imagine. Shawn and Juliet are great as a couple and I love seeing them together. At the same time Shawn and Gus have the best friendship on tv and I appreciate Psych for giving us that content.

Now compare that to my current obsession: 9-1-1. I very much ship Buck and Eddie together and I truly feel it is a product of the show making their relationship to each other, and to Christopher, as the most significant in their lives. Outside of Abby, and Shannon to an extent, the love interests for Eddie and Buck have been bland. Ali was only around a short time but what do we even know about her? We learn more about her in the earthquake episodes than we do during her entire relationship with Buck. Other than learning she travels for work during her last episode, we know nothing about her and nothing about her and Buck's relationship. Now Taylor is a little better as we learn in her first episode that she has always wanted to be a reporter and that she is willing to do anything to get there. Then in Season 4, we see her friendship with Buck first and get an idea of what they're like together. But we still don't know anything about what's important to her or her values or what she wants in life outside of her job. We see her tear up when talking about Covid but we get no context for why this is effecting her more than other stories. It doesn't feel like we ever really get a reason for why they like way other so much. Which is different from Buck and Abby who connect through their jobs and appreciate someone understanding the difficulty of being a first responder.

As for Ana, what do we know? She was Christopher's teacher and is now a vice principal and is pretty? She has no history, no agency, no motivations outside of wanting to date Eddie. We see her with Chris but not actually interacting with or talking to him. She is a nothing but a stock photo version of a girlfriend.

Compare that to what we see of Eddie and Buck together. Buck going to visit Santa with Eddie and Christopher, actively spending time with Chris, being the person Christopher goes to when he is panicking, taking care of Chris after Eddie has been shot. Buck losing it when Eddie is buried alive and when he's been shot. Eddie losing it when the lawsuit keeps him from being able to talk to Buck. Eddie being Buck's major support during Buck Begins. All of the tiny moments we get of the two, really three, of them at parties and at each other's places. Eddie using Buck's first name as a way to reinforce that Evan is important, not just Buck. That he made him Christopher's legal guardian in case of Eddie's death without even telling him because that's how confident Eddie was in that decision. That Buck doesn't have to sacrifice himself to matter and in fact should never sacrifice himself because that's how much he already does matter.

When a show gives me that much emotional context to characters that we know so much about already, of course I'm going to ship them together rather than with the love interests who are barely even real people within the story.

[mfkinanaa]

CANCER RISING.

Born with Cancer on your Ascendant (or Rising), self-realization comes through a sophisticated attunement to your highly developed feeling nature.

You make sense of life through instinct and emotion.

You are likely to experience strong intuitions, and at times psychic sensibilities, and will therefore need to learn the difference between insight and projection.

Because you are so sensitive, you must recognize the impact that this can have on you.

You will need to acknowledge your sensitivity, accept your desire to nurture and support others, and acknowledge when this sensitivity leads you to take on too much, or become overly responsible for how others feel.

Learning to use your intuition to guide your choices is an important skill.

Self-awareness will grow as you develop emotional intelligence.

Your Home is Your Castle.

You may be very adaptable to change in your external circumstances, but need a peaceful and secure home base for your foundation. Home is very important, providing a sanctuary from the outside world. You may have a tendency to switch off and retreat here from time to time, especially when hurt, depressed, uncertain or confused.

You are likely to need clean, comfortable surroundings, and will prefer the company of refined people who can appreciate your unique qualities. Often close to family and friends, you are probably domesticated, with good cooking skills, as well as very capable on the work front.

However, a love of travel means that it is important to have the means to be able to get up and go. You may enjoy frequent changes of environment, allowing you to soak up the most of what life has to offer by soaking up the atmospheres of unfamiliar places.

Business Smarts.

Cancer rising gives business acumen, and you could do well as an entrepreneur owing to your heightened sense of how to cater to public tastes. You bring a practical, cautious yet determined approach to your own affairs which translates to good business practice. There is often great tenacity here, and you are likely to accomplish what you set out to do, despite constant flux and changes.

With persistence as well as careful strategic planning, you can easily profit by providing what others need.

In your professional or personal life there may be a tendency to avoid direct confrontation. You may approach problems sideways, in an attempt to negotiate emotional boundaries. You may at times be inclined toward stinginess, owing to an overly cautious attitude to money, which comes down to fear about having the ability to control external circumstances. You should learn to trust your feelings enough to know when it is time to conserve what you have and when it is time to spend.

Heightened Sensitivity.

As Cancer is a Cardinal sign, you need to direct your sensitivities, but this must be done in a way that is not overwhelming. Learning how to offer support when required is important, but you need to understand you are not responsible for others’ emotional wellbeing. The ability to nurture comes easily to you. Opportunities to care for others leads to growth and self-awareness.

Yet knowing when to draw the line is paramount. You must learn what is and IS NOT yours to be responsible for.If not achieved, then your life may feature constant episodes of drama and emotional intensity.

In this case, you can attract weak, needy, helpless or manipulative people – people in extremes of emotional crisis – in order to learn valuable life lessons. You can find yourself in relationships where one partner plays the role of adult and the other becomes the child. You might find yourself wondering why all of your friends seem to have problems? At the end of the day, this may have something to do with your need to feel needed, or inability to say no?

Healthy relationships need to be formed without guilt or co-dependency. Lessons in partnership usually involve learning to control and discipline your responses, so that they are appropriate to the situation at hand. You must also learn to trust what your instincts are telling you.

Family Life.

Family is likely to be very important to you. You will happily take on the role of responsible care-giver in any situation and will thrive on knowing you have a happy and productive family life. Whether you choose to focus your attention on family of origin or family of choice, a stronger sense of self will come through maintaining close family ties. 

When young, you may be deeply invested in the emotional state of your mother. This can be detrimental if bonds of responsibility are not transformed at a later stage. Letting go so as to develop independence and strength is crucial. You may have been dutiful as a child, shy and overly aware of the emotional undercurrents within your home.

It is easy for you to unconsciously take on your parents’ expectations, as you want to be obedient and conform to the family structure. Yet at the end of the day you must tread your own path. As you get older the action-oriented qualities of this sign should push you out into the world, to find your own identity on your own terms.

The Gift of Cancer Rising.

For greatest success, you need to understand how the ebb and flow of your own inner cycles, letting intuition guide you. Your sense of rhythm and timing will lead you to where you need to go. The accuracy of your often precise instincts is a great asset, and your intuitive hunches will almost always be spot on.

Trust your feelings and learn to decipher between what is real information and what is just an emotional response. In time you will learn that intuition is a higher form of knowledge and your feelings are in fact your sharpest tool.

LEO RISING.

Born with Leo on your Ascendant (or Rising) you are likely to find that a sense of authority and the opportunity for creative self-expression is necessary if your are to maintain your selfhood. 

Accordingly, you will have your own unique or special way of doing this.

Your talents need to be developed so that they can grow.

In many ways, when Leo rises your task in life is to shine!

There is a strong need to be “somebody” – to feel important and respected somehow.

You will either grow in greater confidence and warmth of expression as you share your generous spirit with others, or develop a tendency toward affectation and extravagance which belies an underlying insecurity.

Much depends on the choices that you make.

Healthy Attention.

If Leo is your Ascendant you are likely to need attention and approval from others, so you are better off to admit that from the outset. The need to stand out in your own right is paramount. You have extraordinary reserves of creativity and love that need an outlet. Following your heart and exploring your passions will help you bring these gifts to the fore.

Once you feel you are getting the recognition you deserve then you can become a great source of fun, inspiration and leadership. Doing what you love brings your best qualities to the fore.

Larger than Life.

Just like the sun itself, you are likely to be fixed in focus -appearing constant and reliable, with a cheerful disposition that uplifts others. Life is to be enjoyed, and you may feel the need to live in a grand manner, befitting your “special” status. Or you may be happy with simple surroundings, but will make the effort to ensure there is plenty of time for pleasure, romance or fun.

In some ways you are likely to have a larger-than-life attitude. You are all about grand gestures, big dreams and stunning vistas. You are also likely to be a capable and demanding authority figure, well suited to leadership and managerial positions. Others respond well to your kindness, sense of fun, faith and optimism. As a rule, you tend to be proud, are sometimes insecure despite your capabilities, and hate above all else to be criticized.

As Leo is the sign of royalty, there may be a tendency to at times expect “the royal treatment” – indulgences befitting a personage of such elevated “status”. If not received, your temper tends to flare.

Overblown displays of outrage brought on by wounded pride can mask deep insecurities. The fear of ‘not being recognized’ easily becomes sullenness if you don’t feel that you are receiving your due.

A Born Leader.

The need for comfort and luxury is likely to lead you to work very hard for success. Your love of recognition makes achievement even more important for you. This is fine as long as you don’t work too hard, neglecting the family and friends who are after all your main audience and support crew. Give them their due attention and they will be there for you on the occasional day that you are down.

You are naturally here to lead in some way, but need to learn that leadership involves sharing command. Finding out what makes others special and unique helps you incorporate them into your plans. You must learn to temper your urge to fulfill your own potential by learning to appreciate and accept the contribution that every body makes to the whole, of which we are all a part.

Beware you don’t treat others with disdain or disrespect. You are so inclined to do things your own way, you may look down your nose, so to speak, at others who do not do things as you would. People will follow you gladly if you treat them with respect.

Scorn them, and they may leave you all alone, which is precisely the situation you fear. You need an audience or form of feedback to know you are performing at your best.

Turn Talents into Strengths.

When young you may have trouble adjusting your expectations to the actual circumstances of your life, but over time you will learn how to find the magic in the every day and the best in the people around you. Recognize where your talents lie and turn them into strengths. This means spending the time required to be your best and make the most of your unique gifts.

A positive statement for Leo rising is to affirm “I have the right to express my unique, individual creativity and spirit, and can do that without denying others the right to express theirs.”

The Gift Of Leo Rising.

It is important that you feel comfortable enough to show others who you really are, without demanding validation. Then you can shine from the uniqueness of your own creative spirit, bringing joy light and laughter to every situation in which you a part. You bring organizational and leadership qualities to any endeavour, with a natural flair for drama, creativity and fun.

VIRGO RISING.

Born with with Virgo on your Ascendant (or Rising), you are likely to view the world through the lens of mental analysis, with a view toward organization.

You have strong critical faculties and need to find practical outlets for your skills, talents and abilities.

Typically humble and at times self-effacing, you are likely be more concerned with being useful than being recognized.

You need to be productive – to be of service somehow – and your chosen career will typically give you the opportunity to experience best employ your skills.

You are likely to be practical, capable and dexterous.

You may be very good with facts, figures and details.

You may also be quite hard on yourself because of early childhood experiences, and need to learn to recognize and appreciate your talents.

The Urge For Service.

When your Ascendant is Virgo, you are usually willing to assist and be of service to others. Unless other chart factors dominate, you are likely to be hardworking, conscientious and studious. You like to know your place in the wider scheme, and feel most comfortable with a plan in place.

Cleanliness and order are often very important, as is the need to be systematic. You are likely to be good at solving problems, and will do well in any situation that requires you to work through an issue or challenge in a linear, demonstrable way.

A Tendency Toward Criticism.

Despite your abilities, you are likely to be tough on yourself, with a tendency to worry. If you do not perform tasks to an imagined standard of perfection you can be very self-critical. Your tendency to worry may undermine your nervous system, and the uncertainty of too much change can take a heavy toll.

On the way to realising your potential you may need to overcome a crippling lack of self-confidence. Virgo rising is often associated with a tendency to self-censor and self-criticize that can be debilitating. You may inwardly question and criticize every move that you make, leading to extreme levels of anxiety, and even chronic illness, if the impact on your nervous system becomes too much.

A Sensitive Constitution.

You may a have delicate constitution, and need to take extra care of your physical body. Your health, and especially digestion, is easily affected by negative thoughts and emotions. When anxious you will second-guess yourself. You may find yourself easily overwhelmed so that stress gets confused with logical analysis.

This confusion amplifies your tendency to self-doubt, and you should perhaps get feedback from others when you are spiralling down a mental sinkhole. Learning to praise, rather than criticize, your own talents is a great step forward. Developing a sense of purpose through being of assistance can work wonders.

Instead of trying to be perfect, perhaps you should aim instead to simply be better?

You may be very particular about food, which reflects your delicate nervous system. Learn to listen to your body and take care of your health, but watch out for tendencies to worry about your wellbeing as a substitute for something better to do!

Taking care of your self is a smart choice, and you will benefit greatly by incorporating a healthy diet, workable routines and natural therapies that can assist wellness. Regular practices such as yoga and meditation that work to synthesise mind/body focus are especially useful for you.

Discernment and Discrimination.

Whilst you enjoy doing things for others, you may have a need to try and control outcomes. This will be based on an innate fear of chaos or potential lack of order. You should make an effort to relax and welcome the input of other people. Look for people and experiences that can teach you how to flow, trusting in the natural rhythms of life without trying to preempt every outcome.

Virgo is associated with the assimilation of experience. This occurs through trial and analysis, through discernment and discrimination. Use the processes of metabolism and digestion as metaphors for your own approach to life, and in this way can learn to see any imbalances within your own body as perhaps symptomatic of an imbalance in how you are assimilating your experiences. Once you connect your fine sense of discrimination with your practical sensibility you can be of service to yourself and others in an unlimited numbers of ways.

The Gift of Virgo Rising.

At your best, you can be supportive, nurturing and stable helping others achieve practical outcomes. In this way, your sense of discernment, practicality and willingness to serve rises to the fore, adding purpose and fulfilment to your life. You do best with partners and friends who uplift you, helping you see the bigger picture behind immediate appearances.

[writingwithcolor]

B’nei mitzvah in spaceship without Jewish community | Jewish character celebrating Christmas

Hi! Thank you so much for running this blog. I appreciate how much time and effort all the mods have put into it. I finished reading through the whole Jewish tag a few days ago, and I’ve learned so much! I’m writing a Voltron fic (I *know* lol) and decided to make one of the protagonists a white nonbinary Ashkenazi Reform Jewish girl. Her astronaut brother mysteriously disappears in space and is presumed dead, so she runs away from home a couple of months before her b'nei mitzvah to find him. Now, she’s in a group of rebels in space fighting against an Empire. I have two concerns:

1. Everyone on the ship misses home, so part of the way they cope is through getting in touch with their cultures. They’re gonna celebrate (a mostly non-Americanized) Christmas because it matters a lot to some of the characters for non-religious reasons. To what extent can my Jewish character participate in the celebration without it being weird? I want her to enjoy herself more because she’s with her friends than because Jesus etc. They’ll also celebrate Chanukah, if that helps. I know Chanukah isn’t a major holiday, so I also want to have her celebrate a more significant one like Rosh Hashanah and/or Purim with them. Is it okay for gentiles to participate in those holiday celebrations, or should she do that alone?

2. Throughout most of the story, she’ll struggle with choosing whether to prioritize fighting the Empire or finding her brother and bringing him home. When she eventually does find her brother (who also turns out to be a rebel), he lets her decide whether they stay or go home. I thought it would be nice if she decided to stay and keep fighting for the greater good after she finally has her b'nei mitzvah. Her friends and other experiences are also a big part of why she decides to stay, but the b'nei mitzvah would be what gives her the final push she needs to decide. I don’t know if it would be okay for me to write the ceremony itself or if she can even have one if only two of the eight people on the ship are Jewish. I read that not everyone has a b'nei mitzvah and that it’s not required, but I feel like it’d be a big deal to her character. Should I keep the b'nei mitzvah idea, or am I heading towards appropriative territory here?

I want to make her Jewishness a big part of her character’s growth, and I really want to make sure I do it respectfully and accurately. I plan on finding a sensitivity reader when I’ve made more progress with actually writing everything out. Thank you for any insight you might offer!

It feels off to me to join a community symbolically when you’re far away FROM the community. Why not just have had her already have done the ceremony before she has all these adventures? That way it could just be a straightforward story about a Jewish teen having exciting heroic adventures in space, rather than a story about what happens when you have to miss aspects of Jewish life because you’re in space. It would also make the “….well, I guess I’m around for Christmas” bit less weighted because then that would be the only one of those instead of having two of those.

–Shira 

I’ll cover some other territory here. For those who don’t know, b'nei mitzvah is something you just automatically become at the correct age, the ceremony is simply to celebrate that with the community. Not all people have the ceremony, but if you are Jewish, and of age (for religious purposes), your status changes with or without it. Personally, I’m comfortable with showing a Jewish character finding a way to have a Jewish celebration when the circumstances are less than ideal, for me the other aspects of the story are more troubling. 

On the subject of having a Jewish character celebrate Christmas with their friends… look I don’t like this trope. There are many Jewish people, who are completely secular, who don’t celebrate Christmas, because it is explicitly a Christian holiday, and secular Jewish people are still Jewish. Some Jewish people (secular or otherwise) do choose to celebrate other holidays, and I am very comfortable with those folks telling their own stories. What I’m not happy with is the push from outside of the community for every Jewish character to slide into assimilation. 

Some Jewish people will go to Christmas parties and not eat the food, because they keep kosher, or won’t stay for a tree-lighting, because that feels like it goes too far, or will give presents but not receive them. There are a huge number of ways we might handle Christmas, and I appreciate that you plan to show holidays other than just Chanukah (and yes, it’s fine for non-Jewish characters to join her in her holidays, if she invites them), but I always question why a non-Jewish writer is so keen to show Jewish characters celebrating Christmas. The most generous version of me wants to assume that you get so much out of Christmas that you want to share it, but the part of me that knows about the pressures to assimilate, and the history of increased antisemitic violence around Christmas thinks… just leave this kid alone. She missed her celebration, she’s far from her community, and now she has to go put on a Happy Assimilated Smile for the culturally Christian folks around her. From a nonbinary Jewish perspective, it’s a little unusual for your nonbinary character to use she/her pronouns, and use b'nei mitzvah as a gender neutral alternative to the gendered bat mitzvah. In secular life, at least in the US, it’s not uncommon for people to use multiple pronouns, but I haven’t met, or even heard of, a single person using gendered pronouns secularly, and using new neutral alternatives religiously. It absolutely could happen but, because it is so unusual, to me it reads as either invalidating the character’s gender, or tokenizing her in the religious sphere. 

–Dierdra 

Shira, I think that’s a really good idea to make the character post-b'nei mitzvah. That way you just have a Jewish character having adventures rather than her culture being The Conflict. (And also, a pre-b'nei mitzvah seems a bit young for this storyline? Can she really consent to fighting alongside the rebels? Do they habitually take unaccompanied children on their ship? To me a teenager would make more sense, but hey it’s not my story!)

Dierdra, your answer regarding the Christmas aspect was awesome and really thorough. Thanks for your thoughts on the pronouns as well, it also jarred with me but I was waiting to hear your opinion as you have lived experience. My worry is if you use gender neutral terms for one but not the other, you risk falling into to the stereotype that only marginalised religious folks have to change our language etc to be inclusive to LGBTQ+ people, but everyone else is fine. 

I wanted to come back to the point about Rosh Hashana. First of all, thank you for acknowledging that we have holidays that are more important than Chanukah! Sooo many OP’s don’t know that. In terms of how she would celebrate it, I agree it’s fine to invite non-Jewish people along. However, given how community-based Jewish life is, making her keep Yom Tov on her own feels a bit like a torture story, especially when others have people to celebrate Christmas with. I wonder if you’ve thought about giving her a Jewish friend on the ship? Especially if you want her Jewishness to be part of her growth as you mentioned, an older Jewish friend and mentor could be a huge help :)

–Shoshi

As you can see, we have a wide range of possibilities for “what happens when you ask a Jewish person about celebrating Christmas.” I didn’t mind hanging around it as an outsider myself until a certain subset of Christians started being mean-spirited about it in the news plus some personal trauma that time of year, as long as everyone involved was clear that I was just participating from the outside and this didn’t somehow change me. (If I may make an analogy: compare it to going to a baby shower when you want to support your friend or family member but also really don’t want kids of your own. You’re going to have a whole different experience if your decision is respected vs. if all the other guests treat you like you being there means you’ll change your mind about not wanting kids.)

That being said, it’s still all over the map. Some people IRL are okay even going to mass with their partner’s Catholic family (without participating in communion obvs.) Some would never, ever do that and are sitting here with shocked faces that I even typed that. But what becomes important is the way it’s written. Sitting around listening to the Christmas story is probably a bad fit for your fanfic, but helping other people bake Christmas cookies or put ornaments on a tree could work. The ornament thing could remind her of decorating a sukkah, and she could point that out to the others. 

I guess I’m saying is 

keep her participation secular, and 

keep her participation from leaning into the idea that we’re unhappy with our customs and would prefer to do it their way. 

I have literally never in my life felt jealous of the kids who “got to do Santa” (for example) and while I’m sure some kids were and they’re valid too, I think it’s important to show that it’s not a universal phenomenon.

–Shira

[duskamethyst]

shatter.

a/n: kirishima is best boy so when he is sad, i also get sad. god i wish he is real. anyways, i wrote this with that one image of him in my mind. you know, when he cried. oh, and happy new years eve.

word count: 2.7k

genre: angst

warnings: some guilt tripping?, toxic behavior if you squint, mentions of death

pairing: kirishima x gn!reader

summary: kirishima just couldn’t stand seeing you always getting hurt from doing hero work and he constantly persuades you to quit– through words and action.

“you’re gonna be a great hero, babe!” kirishima had an arm wrapped around your shoulders and he pulled you in to kiss your forehead.

three years in U.A. and it was finally graduation day. you both had your heart and mind set on your desired agencies, ready to serve and protect the society from evil as pro heroes. 

you and kirishima work under different agencies but your relationship with him has remained steady ever since your last year in high school. now, you are together for almost three years with a small and cheap apartment to reside in though your schedules aren’t exactly the most favorable as a couple. 

when kirishima has a day off, you have to be out for work and the same goes the other way around. even when both are at home, you barely get to speak to him since one of you is already sleeping while the other just got home. be that as it may, both are still very optimistic. it makes each moment together not to be taken for granted and it serves as a reminder to appreciate each other more. even when you are lightly awake from feeling the mattress dipping from behind, the moment he holds you close as he dozes off to sleep is something you greatly treasure. 

but sometimes, one of you has to be out of town. far away from your home and one of you is bound to get some scratches and ugly bruises– which seems like you’re more a victim of. kirishima tends to be a worrywart and he gets upset that he can’t stay at home too long to take care of your needs and you need to assure him every time that you’ll be fine and that a good rest can get you back up on your feet.

the reassurance and the constant worrying tends to turn into a regular argument at some point. not forgetting when he suddenly starts to blame himself for how useless he is. when will he ever understand that this has nothing to do with him but your own carelessness? it’s getting all too mentally draining.

the nauseating feeling of not being good enough is already shitty and you don’t need the pity look he throws at you every now and then. you know he means well but it ticks you off when you have to say the same thing all over again and he needs to focus on his job. the villains out there are not going to shove their asses into prison by themselves and every argument in the house is a waste of time.

still, you have an admirable passion for your job and he respects that (or used to?). as a hero himself, he understands the risks pro heroes need to take and the kind of danger that they have to face everyday. kirishima knows that you’ve worked hard to be who you are today but certain times he fails to convince himself that you are fit to work in this field. kirishima doesn’t mean to disregard your work and all but hell, this sure isn’t the first time that you got a bad bruise on your body– though the broken foot is new (still doesn’t change the fact that you needed a cast for your arm before). 

“please? retire for me?” he mutters under his breath, his eyes are wavering with worry from the other side of the room as he looks at you sitting on the couch with a crutch resting close to you. the words that come out of his mouth seem to already be scripted from saying the same thing over and over again.

“not this again. eiji, we’ve talked about this before.” you groan, sinking down further into your seat. you just got back from the hospital and your body needs a good rest before you can heal properly.

“i know but,” he sighs dejectedly. “i can’t stand to see you like this.” 

you shake your head, your voice firm. “no. eiji, this is just a fracture. it’ll heal soon.”

“baby, you know i can protect both of us.” kirishima’s voice is soft as silk in hope to be able to persuade you into something you clearly defy time after time.

“are you saying i’m not capable of defending myself?” you raise your voice a little, clearly vexed and kirishima’s gaze meets the floor, trying to construct words so it doesn’t sound wrong or offend you any further. 

“you’re not answering me, eiji.” you snort, his hesitance giving him away.

“i’m not the one injured here.” kirishima glances at your bandaged foot and the crutch next to you. his heart throbs at the sight of you needing to use a crutch to help you walk. 

“oh, good for you.” it feels as if he’s adding insult to injury. it’s all thanks to his quirk that the scratches he received only managed to look like mere paper cuts because he won’t be saying that without it. 

kirishima knows that you can be stubborn sometimes and it reminds him of a certain friend of his but he just wants you to listen and understand from his point of view and not to take it any other way. it undoubtedly makes him upset that you’re hurt but he’s more… scared. so scared to the point that he finds himself being so grateful from you just sitting there in front of him, breathing and alive. he doesn’t want to lose you. he can’t bear the pain if– if you’re not in his life anymore. his world would crumble and there would be nothing left of him.

“do you love me?” kirishima asks out of the blue, deliberately using the question as his last resort to either make you feel guilty or to force you to obey him as some kind of proof that you are true to your words.

“don’t you use that, eijirou.” you sigh in annoyance, knowing too well where this conversation leads. undeniably, you do and he knows damn well too. you’re certain that he is just using that as an excuse or a way to end this argument and it just seems very tacky.

“well, do you?”

“you know i do!” you practically shout before quickly regaining your composure again. “i love you, eiji. so much.”

“then if you do, you would listen to me!” there’s a pitch higher in his voice, a mixture of sorrow and anger in his tone and his eyes begin to look glassy. 

it almost startles you and you know he’s about to put on the waterworks but as the hard headed person you are, you still continue to stand on your ground. 

“and if you love me, you would understand!” you shout back from your seat. you would walk away if you could but you know you’d be too slow before he catches up so there’s no point in that. instead, you shift your gaze somewhere else and force yourself to tolerate the tense and stuffy ambience of the room.

“babe,” his voice croaking. “i don’t.. i don’t wanna lose you.”

“and what about you? would you quit your job for me?” you snarl, still refusing to look at him when he takes small and slow steps towards you.

kirishima falls silent for a second before answering, “i– i told you. i can protect–”

“see? you wouldn’t even do the same.” that should be the end of discussion. if he’s not willing to give you the same energy, why would you? as a hero himself, you believe he should understand the love you have for your job because you understand him too, so why can’t he? 

an exasperated breath draws out from your nostrils as you reach for your crutch to stand up. “eiji, i’m tired. i’m gonna take a rest.”

kirishima just stands quietly in the middle of the room as you start to walk to your shared room. he knows he has lost the argument but he’s not going to let it end like this again– not this time. 

“you don’t love me.” he suddenly breaks the silence, making you stop in your tracks to turn around and look at him– which none of you know would be the last time. 

“what?” you murmur in disbelief, though you heard him very well. even though your heart is wrenching inside your chest, the anger that hasn’t yet subsided from prior rushes through your veins even greater.

“why won’t you ever listen to me?!” he suddenly shouts as tears begin to roll on his cheeks. “i want the best for you– i– you’re everything to me!” 

your own vision suddenly starts to blur and you realize that tears are starting to pour out from your eyes out of your own frustration.

“how do you know what’s best for me?!” you scream back angrily. 

“i’m your boyfriend! i know– i know you’re too weak for this!” he blurts out as he walks towards and stands in front of you.

“why? because i got hurt?!” you push his chest with your free hand though you know he won’t budge considering how shredded he is.

kirishima grabs your wrist to stop you from pushing him as he continues to look at you with irises that burn with rage. “because you’re not fit to be a hero!” 

amidst your struggle to free your wrist, now you only stare at him, too shocked to utter any more words. is that how he thought of you all this time? like a fool trying to play hero? a weak hero that keeps getting injuries and unable to defend themselves let alone the lives of others?

your head hangs low and kirishima panics and lets go of his grip as he slowly realizes what he just said to you on the spur of the moment. 

“babe, i’m sorry. i didn’t–” 

smack.

the sound reverberates throughout the room and it falls silent again. your breathing has gone erratic and able to give him a good slap him in the face earns you some sort of satisfaction. none of you are the type to get physical during a heated argument but that was the final straw. even if you reconcile after this, what then? it’s not like you asked to get beaten up and if it does happen again, you both are going to go through the same thing again. you can’t take it anymore and it’s leaving you with the last option.

“i think,” you finally choke after taking a deep breath. “we’re not on the same page anymore.” 

“w-what do you mean?” he sobs, having the urge to pull you into his embrace and apologize over and over albeit knowing that you’d push him away. 

your lips purse into a thin line. must you spell it out for him?

“eiji, i’m–” 

“baby, no. please– d-don’t say it–” kirishima starts to cry again as he drops to his knees and holds your uninjured leg tightly to his chest, sobbing through your pants. “i’m- i’m sorry!”

“eiji, stop.” you weakly try to shake him off. “maybe if we– if we part, you don’t have to worry about me anymore.”

kirishima looks up at you through the tears in his eyes, “i don’t want– babe, i love you! please don’t– don’t leave me!” he stands back up on his feet and his big hands reach to gently grab your face so you can look at him. “let’s... let’s talk about it, okay?” 

“no, eiji. you can’t even trust me.” this time you start to sob. “a-and we keep on arguing about the same thing.”

“t-then, please? we’ll work it ou–”

his phone suddenly interrupts as he gets a call. he takes out the phone from his pocket and his face drops when he realizes it’s from his agency. he knows he can’t possibly ignore it. with a sniff and cough to alter his voice, he picks it up. kirishima continues to talk to the phone, sparing you glances once in a while as if to analyze the weight of importance between the emergency and the current situation you both are in.

you know very well that the people still need a hero and right now, they need red riot. with a heavy heart you whisper, “go.”

that last option probably isn’t the best but kirishima really couldn’t come to terms and you both failed to reach a mutual understanding. you’re persistent– the kind of person that knows what they want in life and that no one can get in your way. the fact that your boyfriend, out of all people, doesn't seem to show you support like he used to back in the days in U.A. leaves you disappointed. 

the longer the fight carried on, the deeper you drowned in the pits of self loathing. comfort and reassurance weren’t the things that kirishima provided. no, all he kept on doing was putting you down further. especially after he said that you aren’t qualified enough to live the dream you’ve always wanted. oh how it’s going to be stuck in your head for a while.

maybe, two people are better off without each other than being secretly unhappy together.

his lips are pressed flat as he hangs up the call. he doesn’t have much time in his hands but he doesn’t want to leave you either. afraid that once he walks out the door, it’ll be done forever. kirishima only wants to hold you again, to assure himself that it’s alright– that all of this is just a mindless fight and you’ll stay with him. 

but you take the first step away from him and kirishima only watches you quietly as you walk away and disappear into the room. lots of thoughts are running through his head and things he wants to say but couldn’t. his selfishness made him take things too far but it’s all out of love (or probably his best interest). he knows that you’ll be mad at him if you knew that he went to great lengths just to make you change your mind. but now, his efforts proved to be futile because he still ends up losing you and he has no one to blame but himself. 

kirishima doesn’t mean what he said about you not suited to be a hero. he watched you over the years, he knows what you’re capable of and he admires your determination but being in the real world opens his eyes. he had seen death and almost tasted it himself, and that made him realize how precious you are to him– how every moment with you counts because he knows that you could be gone in any moment. 

and you were just so damn obstinate. why couldn’t you understand his feelings? he even talked nicely but you just wouldn’t listen. he almost gave up before an idea suddenly struck in his head. kirishima didn’t want to get his hands dirty but you probably still needed a little push.

he had connections and he got the money.

you were on your shift while kirishima just got home. he spent some time on the couch, glaring intensely at his phone– particularly on the few digits on the screen. his heartbeat was running a marathon as he stared at the phone icon in rumination. the shaky thumb hovering above the screen seemed like forever before he groaned and clicked the off button instead. 

multiple times he had tried and each time he failed to find the will to simply click the call button. he doesn’t want to hurt you, not at all but you were definitely leaving him with no choice.

so he took a deep breath and typed in the numbers again, this time immediately pressing the phone icon and waited for the other line to pick up. though the longer he waited, the more he felt the guilt and wanted to hang up the phone. shortly enough, his call was answered. 

he had a script ready in his head from the first time he tried to call them. it should be no problem. just tell them that he wanted them to hurt you, but not until the point that they could kill you. he sighed. even saying that inside his head made him queasy but what’s love without a little pain, right? 

“hey, i need a favor.”

kirishima hoped that his wicked scheme would work and even if it didn’t, he’d just have to give them a call again until your will to stay a hero shatters.

duskamethyst © 2020 • do not modify, translate or repost anywhere.

[anarmorofwords]

I kinda wanna write a better version of tlh where Tatiana is still insane but there's no Belial bc that makes zero sense to me

In this version there would be:

Kamanna done correctly with actual genderqueer rep and not toxic relationships

Barbra and Oliver bc fight me she didn't die

Genie and Filomena bc I love them and all the lightwoods are queer

The gracelet doesn't even happen bc I refuse to write that

Grace is pretty much still the same but she breaks off their(hers and james') relationship bc she notices that he loves Cordelia

No bad James. He's not a shitty person to Alastair, and he doesn't treat Cordelia like a sex object

Anna puts a stop to Kellington and Matthew's relationship before it gets serious. She also tries to get him to stop drinking all the time

Alastair apologizes around seeing them again for the first time. The merry thieves are a little reluctant because of some of the things he did but they don't actively try to keep him away from events that they're at

Matthew notices how Alastair looks at Thomas and locks them in the sanctuary with Genie and Cordelia's help

Grace gets badly injured due to a mistake in necromancy and Christopher helps her treat it without letting people know

Lucie meets Jesse, and falls in love ofc, so in order to bring him back successfully she asks Malcolm to train her in using her magic

Matthew opens up to his mom about the incident. She doesn't blame him at all and instead apologizes for often putting her work before him

Matthew finds out about Charles and Alastair because he found Alastairxs break up letter to Charles

Matthew, the mother hen he is, decided to attempt to murder his older brother, only being stopped by James who had been there at the right time

Kamala ends things with Charles and tells Anna that she still loves them and hopes that she will give her another chance

Anna told her that they needed time to think, and that she is worried how Kamala's reputation will be affected if anyone besides their friends and Anna's family finds out

Kamala respects her decision and doesn't contact her until Anna's ready to talk about things

The merry thieves don't ignore Christopher and they actively listen and help him

The merry thieves also aren't terrible to Grace bc they realize she's been isolated alone with Tatiana and 1) she might not understand what's saying/doing is wrong or 2) that sometimes she's trying to push them away so her abilities don't accidentally make them do something

Good tid parents

James and Alastair being respectful to each other despite personal differences

Matthew, Alastair, Kamala, Christopher, and Grace being besties, or as I call them, the neglected squad

No fetishizing mlm/wlw

Domestic cuddles and taking care of the other one when they're sick

Jesse/Lucie/Matthew pairing bc I love them and I refuse to pick between lucie/matthew and lucie/jesse

Christopher teaching Grace the elements(at the time) on the periodic table

Tatiana dies at the end yay

It's very unpolished and I'm open to b hearing any feedback and/or suggestions that anyone may have

The idea came to me and I decided it would be best if I told someone before I forgot

hi, I'm sorry it took so long,but I wanted to properly answer this and I keep having either internet connection issues or little time

DON'T BE SHY, WRITE THIS 👀

In all seriousness tho... THIS IS ABSOLUTE PERFECTION?!? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START I AM UTTERLY IN LOVE WITH THIS IDEA, I NEED IT

Look, I've been on the verge of rewriting ChoI, and I keep saying I want someone to write a TLH that will live up to its potential, but I've never actually came up with a proper idea for it, and you?!! YOUR BRAIN DARLING THIS IS GENIUS

ok hold up I'll just react to each and every single one so

yes please?!? I mean it started off so sweet in EEV?! Also actually genderqueer Anna and not dancing around the subject like CC is doing now?! That's what they deserve, and that's what we all deserve too

yesss please. also just,,,, Barbara, the feminine, not-wanting-to-fight-which-doesnt-make-her-less-badass queen that she is, getting the page space and appreciation she deserves

that's actually brilliant?!? it would be so great, just imagine the new girl arrives for her travel year and Genie is completely awestruck. I'm so invested in Joshwood it's difficult to imagine not having them, but this is actually the only valid alternative?!

ok that's fine. I think it could still happen and be done well, but tbh for now... the gracelet doesn't seem to have done anything relevant to the plot itself? I mean yeah it messed up James's life and Jordelia, but what did it give Belial? Tatiana? nothing. It makes no sense atm.

could be! maybe she's still encouraged by Tatiana to befriend/seduce him, but without the gracelet it doesn't work out? or maybe James somehow manages to realize that she's in danger and he actually like,,,, kidnaps her? idk idk

yes. YES. just,,,,z James is a sweet compassionate literature nerd who accidentally makes a good leader and he actually cares about people, and not just judges them from his high horse; he does still have hero syndrome, but he's kind and respectful and overall a good character

ANNA INTERVENES ABOUT KELLINGTON PLZ. PEOPLE ACTUALLY NOTICE MATTHEW'S STRUGGLES. JAMES DOES, TOO, BECAUSE THERE'S NO GRACELET.

ok yes, so what about: basically TMT don't harass Alastair and accept his apology, and realize they were also being stupid and mean at times at the Academy (especially Math). Matthew doesn't want to accept Alastair's apology, because of The Sin, but his behaviour alerts the rest of TMT and they inquire what's wrong and he tells them about the sin and that's how he later tells his parents (because his friends encourage him) and as you say, she just hugs him and reassures him it's not his fault; so after that Matthew slowly begins to heal and accepts it wasn't Alastair's fault, and also since they've kind of adopted/started including Alastair in things, he can't help but notice he's actually changed and he even starts to grow fond of him

then like you said, Matthew notices Thomas likes Alastair PLEASE HE SO WOULD. I'm not sure about the Sanctuary, if it actually happens (I'll get to why later on), but him and Lucie get really invested in the matchmaking schemes, they include Genie/Kamala because these two are friends with Alastair (both? Or at this point only Kamala?) but they also share some Moments during their scheming/talking about love 👀 (yes I'm a Fairdale shipper, I think it's time to expose myself lol)

Which leads me to (sorry I'm going off order rn) YES YES YES LUCIE AND MATH PLEASE. A FELLOW SHIPPER, HELLO, NICE TO MEET YOU. But since we're actually fixing him then we can give Jesse a personality and I'm totally down for poly Math/Lucie/Jesse

Lucie seeking Malcolm's help in secret, morally gray heroine style?!? no, it's probably not legal. but also has there ever been a Shadowhunter like her? If the Law doesn't expect such situations, it can't really forbid them...

Plz Matthew ready to strangle the carrot when he learns about their relationship, YES. sure, maybe he's still not the biggest fan of Alastair, but he's seen how much the boy's been through and starts to develop an attachment to him, and besides, NO ONE DESERVES TO BE GROOMED AND TREATED LIKE THAT. He's SO MAD at Charles, and he confronts him about it - remembering Kellington as he does, and it makes him sick to think his brother would do the same thing to someone. Maybe he gets very emotional over this and later finally tells his friends about Kellington? Maybe they didn't know before, only Anna did? So when they all realize what was happening then they comfort him etc? Or maybe it's just Alastair that learns now, and the others knew before, and they share a bonding moment over that?

Injured Grace seeking Kit's help is a genius idea I didn't know I needed

Kamanna giving each other time and space and deciding they need to question their relationship and figure out if it actually makes sense would be great. Anna realising she's very privileged and Kamala doesn't have those same opportunities, and also in general realising coming out should never be pressured or forced. Just,,,, Anna being self-aware and respectful towards Kamala. Well-written Anna. Plz. Also Kamanna is actually developed and not just "in love" because,,,,, they're attracted to each other? Maybe even remaining friends while Anna makes up their mind?

yeah just TMT being more compassionate and less judgy because they're not written by Judith so her bias isn't projected onto them

It's not a want, it's a need. They adopt Alastair and Grace eventually. Like, maybe not literally - although, Grace? - but you know what I mean.

I think they all should just have various friendship dynamics and switch between them, because people need more than one friend group

no fetishizing, no watching your brother make out with his lover, yessss

yes domestic cuddles, affection, taking care of wounds, all those things. plz.

Gracetopher bonding over science yes

obviously. or maybe she's imprisoned?!

ok, now for some more notes/my ideas etc., if you don't mind:

I actually think Belial could still be featured? After all, I don't think Tatiana could do much on her own, and since she seeks help from demons, it makes sense to include a Greater Demon as well. But Belial would have to be a stronger villain, written better; I'll think more about this

if that was the case, the serial killer plot could still happen, but be done better. and it would allow for a scenario I talked about with @littlx-songbxrd to happen, where it's Alastair who's falsely accused of murder. It creates a great opportunity to explore some things, because we know Alastair is much more likely to be seriously suspected, considering all the prejudices and bad rep his family has and all that

...what do you say to well-written Jordelia? 👀 Cordelia hasn't been obsessively in love with James since childhood, she only had a crush then. And now that they meet again, she's fond of him but not in love, not straight away. They're both grown up, and different people, but as they spend more and more time together, they fall in love. What if Cordelia gets to flirt with some other boys first? What then. What if she ends up choosing James, instead of going for the only boy she's ever had feelings for and idealized since childhood. What if we even make it friends-to-lovers and have James be a little jealous at some point?! but not in a possessive awful way, just "oh damn oh no"

Now I won't know peace until this exists BUT THANK YOU

[tabernacleheart]

[Our responses] to the invasion of woke ideology at universities [must not be] limited to intellectual strategies, but involve an even deeper response: one involving the virtues of humility, conversion of heart, and courage. These [virtues] are needed even to enlighten the intellect. To take back Christian universities, [firstly] we have to turn to Scripture and turn to Christian tradition and really learn with humility what has been given to us... It takes humility and courage to say that, "well, maybe the Biblical worldview has wisdom that is greater than me, than my own thoughts or opinions, or whatever is being pushed this year by the corporate media." And this humility requires something else that’s essential: and this is conversion. Both understanding and personal change are at the very heart of what we call catechesis. It requires setting aside our own prejudices and opinions, and even attractions and desires, [such as in the] big driving issues of sexual morality and gender identity today. We need to understand that we are a fallen race... our intellect is affected by original sin, so that we see darkly this reality. Our will is affected by original sin, to be rebellious and to not want to follow God’s will, and this involves in part the wounding of our affections and passions. [We must understand this in order to change].

There’s also a great need for courage: not just to have a personal conversion and to follow the truth in divine revelation, but also to speak the truth in the classroom... because there’s tremendous pressure to be politically correct, to be woke, to be accepting, not to 'judge.' [But] you have a choice. [Either] you can just steer clear of controversial subjects, which means that you concede defeat, because the culture is not silenced-- Or you can [decide to] calmly and thoughtfully engage [those subjects], but you have to expect you’re going to take some hits. And that is not easy for [those who fear the opinion of others-- those who, for example,] may personally hold conservative Biblical positions, but they won’t [bring it up] because it’s too much of a hot topic, they don’t want anyone to get upset. And so, in so many ways, the rise of the world culture is because of a lack of courage from Christians who have failed to make a convincing case for the truth of the Bible and Christianity. [But when you do speak up, there will always be people] who [are] appreciative and thankful that [you did,] for tackling those topics, [as well as] others who were upset. [You will always have both, through no fault of your own. So focus on your duty of teaching truth for those who will hear]. You can never underestimate, especially at Christian universities, all the students who are really thirsting for truth. They [truly] respect faculty who are not afraid to speak the truth, and to say what is right and what is wrong, and to really unpack what God has revealed in His words, because ultimately this is what gives us life and this is what makes us happy.

Students must be courageous as well. [I have] had scenarios in [my] classroom where about eight or nine students were “conservative” Christians, and maybe two or three “woke types” would manage to silence the whole classroom [by asserting their own views as correct]. This fear of offending, this wanting to be accepting, this fear of conflict, trying to avoid conflict at any cost, is prevalent across society. But that [moral cowardice] has [a much] higher cost than actually engaging these issues. Part of the problem in the classroom is that students tend to conceptualize a dichotomy between truth and love. Most of them are well meaning: For them, loving is accepting everything, even things that are not true. [This is exemplified in] the whole LGBTQ agenda. But living in truth is the only way by which we can really love people. Otherwise, it’s not loving if we live our lives based on a false view of the human person, false view of human sexuality, a false view of human marriage. It’s always a question of apparent good, [but] evil advances under the guise of good. Very few people are going around and saying, ‘I’m really trying to spread evil in the world.’ Everyone believes that they’re doing good. Even those pushing that leftist agenda, they somehow think that they’re making society better. [We must respect that motive precisely by guiding them to the truth.]

[But] change is possible. [There is] hope for the re-Christianization of universities. Things can be turned around if you have enough good people stand up, who are not afraid to speak the truth, and put truth above expediency. As the old saying goes, evil only triumphs when good people do nothing.

Doctor André Villeneuve