#if you want that then you just have to write or read fics but that's never what the show was or is going to be

[ddaz3d-and-cc0nfused]

Write some baby Reid stuff?!

༉‧₊˚. 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐦𝐞 || 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐝

— pairing: college!spencer reid x plus size!reader

— summary: who knew that seven minutes in heaven could lead to spencer losing his virginity to the girl he thought was completely out of his league?

— warnings: reader teaching spencer how to please her, light breast play, heavy consent reassurance (bc reader wants to make sure his first time is memorable), praise, sub!spencer reid, dom!reader, praise kink, heavy use of nicknames, petting if you squint, stripping, riding, unprotected sex, creampie, lack of foreplay, vaginal sex, teasing, a sprinkle of comedy in there cause i couldn't help myself, loser boyfriend!spencer plain and simple.

— wc: 1472

⋆ a/n: HIYAAAA this is the much demanded part two of my dry humping kinktober fic, but you don't have to read it to understand this one (but it would be preferred!!). i'm also writing this because I have something planned for this year's kinktober and i'm trying to set us up for greatness here sooo!! we'll definitely be seeing this couple again ;]

masterlist || AO3

Oh God, Spencer was shaking. He was about to lose his virginity to the girl of his dreams, and he was fucking shaking.

You had to cut the man some slack, because throughout his college career, all he had been worrying about was working toward his first PHD, and his mother, who he had left back in Las Vegas.

As soon as he had entered your empty dorm room, your hands were on him. You tugged lightly on the roots of his hair, attempting to coax him into doing something, because right now, he was as still as a statue and yet trembling at the same time.

“Spencer…” You separated your lips with his and he immediately frowned. “Yeah - yes, yes? Are you okay?” Oh God, you were going to tell him you didn’t want to have sex with him anymore, that everything leading up until now was a mistake and -

“I should be the one asking you that.”

“What?” He asked nervously with furrowed brows.

“Well to start, you're shaking like you're cold and you aren't kissing me back.” He started to pick at his cuticles again. “I- I-” Stop stuttering, damnit!

“What?” You teased with a small smile, “Can you only get hard in public? Is it a kinky thing?”

“What?! No, no!” Spencer sputtered incredulously. His eyes were wide and frantic to the point where he stopped picking at his nails. That wasn't what this was at all! How could you think - oh. Oh. You were being sarcastic.

“I'm just kidding, Spence.” You took your hands off his body and he almost chased their warmth. “We don't have to do anything you don't want to; we can just watch a movie or something. My roommate isn't going to be back for who knows how long.”

“No - I… I want to. I'm just… nervous. I’m -” He gulped. “I'm a virgin.” His confession was muttered and meek but you heard him. The man looked up at you through his long eyelashes, his brown irises boring into your soul in wait for your reaction.

You bit the inside of your cheek and examined him for a moment. “How about this,” You grab him by his hand. “I’ll show you what to do and we'll rectify that tonight if things go well.”

You took a step toward him and his back but the door with a quiet thud. “And I'm sure you're a quick learner, aren't you Reid?”

“Very! I'm a very quick learner!”

“That's what I like to hear.”

You led him over to your twin sized bed and stood by it. You had no idea how the both of you were going to fit on it, but you were really just flying by the seat of your pants right now.

“Take off my dress.” You command softly. “O- okay.” His quivering hands grab at the hem of your dress and tug it up, all the while he was watching your face.

Spencer sucks in a breath at the sight of your bare chest and panty clad lower half. He was throbbing where he stood, and he almost died of embarrassment.

“Touch me, baby.” You encouraged him lightly by grabbing his lithe and shaky hands and placing them on your heavy breasts. He all but gasped at the feeling, but he quickly covered it up by clearing his throat.

He pinched your nipples gently and it caused you to moan quietly.

“Is this okay?” Spencer asked with a swallow. Your hands left his own and your fingers dug into his biceps, your lips rolled in between your teeth to hold back your sounds. “More than okay.” You breathed.

It goes on like that for a moment and the need that was pooling in your gut was nauseating, and your blood was rushing to every part of your body.

“Spencer…” You sighed. “Take your clothes off.”

His eyes widen in disbelief, his hands all but snatching them off your breasts and to the buckle on his khaki pants. His fingers are uncoordinated and nervous but he manages to get it out the loop while you work on pulling your thong down your legs.

You can tell he’s trying not to stare at your newly nude bottom half, and you approach him and drag your fingertips across the band of his underwear. “Can I take this off, pretty boy?” You ask just in case. He nods dumbly. “Yes, yes please.”

He decides to take off his shirt while you rid him of his boxers. “You’re so pretty, Spencer.” You coo and look up at him through your eyelashes. His cheeks flush a deep red, just like they did in the circle. “T - thank you! You are as well and… and you’re pretty all the time too!” You just chuckle. “Thank you, baby.”

“Get on the bed.” You command, and he scrambles to follow your words. You’d work on teaching him foreplay later, because right now you need him inside you, badly.

“I figured this was better than trying to have both of us laying down on this tiny ass bed.” You joke and straddle him.

Spencer’s hands are raised, like he doesn’t know what to do with them. You take them wordlessly, placing them on your naked flesh. He can’t help but squeeze the meat of your hips, the fat of them spilling out from between his nimble fingers.

“We’re gonna take this slow, okay? Because I don’t want to overwhelm you.” You placed a hand on his cheek and grabbed his cock. He yelped, his hips shooting up at the simulation. “Easy boy, easy.” You coax.

He attempts to steady himself, teeth biting down on his bottom lip in order to try and keep his composure when the tip of his cock brushes against your entrance.

“Ready?” You ask. He nods like a maniac. “Mhm!”

Then you sink down.

Spencer sounds like he’s getting his soul stolen with the way that he moans out loud. It’s a mix between a scream and a whimper really, and his eyes practically roll back into his head. His grip on you tightens, holding onto you like a lifeline, and you honestly think that his fingers are going to bruise, but you don’t tell him.

Your legs are shaking and your stomach is tight and you’re smiling deliriously like a mad woman. He feels so good and he’s filling you up so well. It reminds you of how people say the skinniest guys are always hung.

Spencer’s fully sheathed inside of you and he’s trembling, uncontrollable whimpers and whines spilling from between his lips.

“You’re so warm please…” He begs, his hips jumping up once more. You yourself yelp in surprise and he’s instantly apologizing. “‘M sorry, ‘m sorry, I just - just need more, please…”

“I got you sweetheart, just hang on.” You lift up until his tip catches your rim before sinking down again. He chokes on his own spit.

You manage to find a rhythm and Spencer desperately follows you, trying to offer you some pleasure as well. You know he is bye the way he’s constantly searching your face for any kind of disappointment.

“Do you not -” He huffs. “Does it not feel good?” It brings out a sad mewl. “It feels great, baby, I promise; but we can worry about me later. Tonight is about you, okay?” You force him to look at you and accept his words. “Okay.”

Your legs are getting tired but you’re determined to make him cum and by the look on his face and the scrunching of his eyebrows, he’s close.

“You close?” You huff out, sliding up and down at an overwhelming pace, even for you. “I - yes! Where should I…” Cum. Where should he cum is what he wanted to ask but he’s too embarrassed to. “Inside me.” You say with a smirk.

Spencer really wants to question it, but all thought is thrown out the window when he feels his stomach tighten and his legs lock.

“I - I’m -” But it’s too late by the time he tries to tell you, because he lets out a long whorish moan, and his back arches off the wall.

You grin down at him as he paints your inner walls white, your hands that were gripping his shoulders rubbing at the skin of his neck and down his upper arms. A shiver shoots up your spine but you welcome it nonetheless.

You soothe him back down to earth through his aftershocks and tiny whimpers. You feel him go soft inside of you but you don’t try to get off just in case he still needs you there comfort wise.

“Holy shit,” You laugh. “Are you okay?” You ask in disbelief.

“I feel wonderful.” The undertone of his murmur is giggly and it’s probably the cutest thing you’ve ever seen.

ೃ⁀➷ my lovely taglist!: @alina02 @louderfortheback @minervadashwood @their-love @fandomsarelifee @theendofthe70s @nomajdetective @mgg-theprettiestboy @phoenixblack89 @celtic-crossbow @hallecarey1 @bunnybabe-babydoll @dixonzzgirl @violettavirus @khxna

[sunflower-lilac42]

𝗳𝗶𝘁 𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗶𝗻 | 𝘭𝘩43 ❀

➪ summary: where y/n helps dog sit for quinn's friend, fills in for jack's missing plus one, goes out on a night on the town, and gets into a fight with her family

➪ warnings: luke being sick, mentions of throwing, y/n and jack thinking their a horrible girlfriend/brother, parents fighting, reader has brother problems, crying

➪ word count: 5.8k

➪ file type: girlfriend series fic - part three (yay but sad)

➪ sunny's notes: i can't believe this is the last girlfriend series fic :( i did write two bonus scenes for you so... if you didn't see, i am wanting to do requests/blurbs based off of these! just let me know which girlfriend you want and want scenario or whatever you want them to react to (ex: 'how would quinn's girlfriend react to jack getting hurt' or 'how would quinn and luke react to jack's girlfriend buying them gifts') i really hope you guys are excited about this bc i am too! i am so in love with this series and you guys have no idea how happy i am that you guys like it.

quinn's version || jack's version || the girlfriend series || nhl masterlist

⟹ quinn and the puppy-sitter

While he had initially agreed to dog sit his friend’s dog, he was now seriously regretting it. It wasn’t that he didn’t like dogs, because he did, but it was the fact that he would have spent hours upon hours alone in a house by himself. He watched the clock, dreading it as the seconds ticked by until he had to leave. That was until an idea sparked in his mind.

He always knew that his brother’s girlfriend loved puppies, it was the one thing that she made sure to tell everyone as soon as she met anyone. He was lucky enough that she lived just a few minutes away from his friend's house, wasting no time in calling her.

“Hey.”

“Hey, Quinner. What’s up?”

“Nothing much. Are you busy?”

Y/n put away one of her shirts, moving around the bedroom, “No, why?”

“Well I have this friend, and he sort of asked me if I wanted to dog sit, and I-”

“Can I come?”

He chuckled, nodding, “That’s the reason I called. Didn’t want to go over there by myself and you’re like the biggest dog person I know.”

“Yay, okay! Text me the address and I’ll meet you there.”

Ten minutes later, y/n left her house and practically skipped down the street to where Quinn had said his friend lived. By the time she arrived, Quinn’s car was in the driveway and he was standing on the porch on his phone. She smiled and walked the rest of the way up the steps, pausing once he finally looked up.

“Okay, her name is Pepper and she’s a black lab, I don’t remember how old they said she was.”

“Awwww.” Y/n bounced on her feet, waiting for him to open the door. She could hear the faint scratching on the wood from inside the house and only melted even more.

As soon as Quinn opened the door, a dog ran out and straight into y/n’s arms, who smiled and picked the puppy up with no effort. She pet Pepper softly, speaking random words in a cooing manner. Meanwhile, Quinn walked inside the house to read the note his friends left, waiting for her to follow. She came in a few minutes later, the puppy trailing happily behind her.

“So what do we have to do?” Y/n took the seat next to him at the island, swinging her legs back and forth as much as she could. 

“Just feed her in an hour or two and then take her outside when she needs to. That’s it, they said we could watch TV if we wanted to.”

She nodded and looked down at the puppy in between the two chairs who was now looking up at Quinn with big eyes, “Aw Quinner, she wants you to hold her!”

He chuckled, “How do you know?”

“I just do, here.” She hopped off the chair and picked the dog up, handing it to her boyfriend’s brother. His eyes widened as he now held the puppy, running a finger on the top of his hand.

“Where’s the bathroom?”

“Oh down the hall and to the right.”

A few minutes later, y/n came back and saw Quinn now sitting on the ground in the living room, playing with Pepper. She sat down beside them, turning the TV on and shifting her focus between the puppy and the screen. Once she found something to watch, she reached into the bucket of dog toys and pulled one out, excited to play with her newfound friend.

“How long have you liked dogs?”

“My whole life, really. Actually, when I was one I apparently was so scared by a dog that I fell over.” He couldn’t help but laugh, “No way.”

“Oh yeah, baby me was terrified of dogs. That was until I turned three or four and we got a puppy of our own. His name was Dino, my brother named him.” She shook her head before continuing, “He was a husky. He died when I was a junior in high school, so five years ago?”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. We got a dog right before I went to college which sucked, of course, but she’s fun. Her name’s Wolvie.”

He raised an eyebrow, “What I was going to Michigan, what did you expect?” 

He laughed and the two continued to play with Pepper before she spoke up again, “How’s Luke?”

“Good, won’t stop talking about you though.” She blushed and looked down quickly, “Really?”

“Yep. No offense but if I have to hear one more word come out of his mouth about you I might lose it. Which basically means, can you please come see him soon?”

“Is he home tonight?”

“I think so.”

“Alright, I’ll come back to your place. I just have to go home and grab my car.”

He shook his head, “I’ll drive you. I’m sure Luke would be okay taking you home too.” She looked hesitant at first but nodded once she saw the look on his face, a look that only an older brother could have. 

A few hours later, his friends came home and the two of them were able to leave soon after that. Driving home with Quinn was an experience, they had the radio low and the windows rolled down slightly, an experience that was completely different from her older brother.

“You know, I don’t think my brother ever let me roll the windows down in summer, it was always the AC cranked and windows shut, it was his one rule. And he didn’t allow me to pick the music.”

“Well, I couldn’t care less if you have the window down and play whatever you want. I only choose when I’m by myself or Jack and Luke are in the car with me.”

She nodded, “Plus, you’re a better driver than him. I always feel like we’re gonna crash when I’m with him.”

His eyes widened slightly in concern, “That bad?”

“Meh, he just likes getting from point A to point H as quickly as he can.” She shrugged, “I’ve gotten used to it.”

They pulled into his driveway and as they approached the door, Quinn told her to wait outside. She could hear his voice echo through the house, “Luke, I brought you a surprise!”

“Really? Is it food? Because if it’s not food, I don’t want it.”

Y/n rolled her eyes, of course, he was worried about food. She saw Quinn’s hand usher her into the house and she frowned slightly as she stepped through, “Not even me?”

Luke perked up and instantly ran over to her, hugging her tightly, “Just kidding. This is the only surprise I want.” 

He pulled away and smiled at her, kissing her head, “Hi baby.”

“Hi Lukey.” Quinn only smiled fondly at them, walking off to his bedroom. 

❛ ━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━ ❜

⟹ jack and the plus one

Jack was panicking, he had less than an hour to find a plus one to attend an event he had to go to. He hadn’t had one originally but he was just going to be hanging out with Luke the whole night so he didn’t have to worry about bringing someone. And then, Luke got sick. His head was hurting and he couldn’t even get up, he was miserable. 

Y/n had come over earlier, trying to take care of him, and it was only when she was talking about having nothing to do so she could take care of Luke was when it hit him. He immediately ran into his brother’s room to see him and his girlfriend sitting on the bed, watching something on TV, “Hey.”

The two of them looked over at the boy, Luke being the one to talk, “Hi? What do you want?”

“Can I borrow your girlfriend?”

“Borrow my what?”

“Your girlfriend.”

“Okay, hi hello! I’m right here and I have a name, Jackson.”

“That’s not my name.”

“At least I used one.”

“Okay okay, anyway. Why do you want to borrow my girlfriend?”

“For the event, I really don’t want to go alone.”

“I don’t really understand what that has to do with her.”

“I want her to go with me.” He looked at the girl, “Please.”

“I don’t know Jack…” She shifted uncomfortably in Luke’s arm, avoiding his gaze.

Luke looked down at her and then back up at his brother, “Up to her.”

“I don’t know anyone.”

Due to not being able to see Luke since he went to New Jersey, y/n hadn’t gotten a chance to meet any of the team. Now that she got the chance, she wasn’t so sure if she wanted to without her boyfriend. She wasn’t uncomfortable with Jack, it was more the idea of having to the team for the first time and being introduced as Luke’s girlfriend and he was nowhere to be found.

Jack immediately pouted and gave the two his best puppy dog eyes, “Please please please please.”

“Jack she said she didn’t want to-”

“It’s okay, I’ll go.”

“Really?” The two exclaimed in different tones, Jack’s happy and Luke’s incredulously. 

She nodded and looked over at Luke, “I’ll be okay, finally get to meet your team.”

Now it was Luke’s turn to pout, “But I won’t be there.”

“I’ll take care of her, Lukey. Now c’mon, we’ll leave in an hour.”

Jack ran out of the room, practically bouncing off the walls and the couple looked at each other, “I know you said you wanted to introduce me to the team, but I really couldn’t say no to his face. It was too cute.”

“Cuter than mine?”

“Never.” She gave him a kiss on the cheek before getting up, “If you need anything let me know and I’ll make Jack drive me home.”

After she got ready, she walked back out into his room and Luke let out a low whistle, “You’re going out like that? Without me?”

“Sorry, Lukey. But I’ve been waiting for this day forever and I wanted to look good.” He pouted again and reached his arms out for her.

She giggled as she made her way over to him, standing at the edge of the bed as he hugged her, “Make sure to tell them you’re mine.”

Y/n ran a hand through his hair, “Of course. Now-”

“Y/n! Come on, we’re going.”

“Need anything before I go?” He shook his head.

“Alright bye, Lukey. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Y/n walked out of the room and into the foyer where Jack was standing. He smiled at her and opened the door, “You look pretty.”

She blushed and looked down, “Thank you.”

The two made their way down to Jack’s car, riding in silence to the venue. She fidgeted with her fingers as Jack parked the car and he glanced over at her, “You’ll be fine.”

“I know, I know. It’s just hard without Luke here.”

He frowned, “You know, you didn’t have to come. I hope I didn’t seem like I forced you to.” 

Y/n shook her head, “No of course not, I wanted to come, believe me.”

Jack smiled and got out of the car, making his way over to her side to open the door. He helped her out and then offered her his arm, “Let’s do this, little sis.”

“Little sis?”

“C’mon, we all know it’s coming.” She threw her head back and laughed, “Not for a while I hope. I’m still in school and he still lives with you.”

The two walked into the venue, immediately greeted by the crowd of people. She took a deep breath before nodding up at Jack, allowing him to lead them further into the room. Jack scanned the crowd, looking for the easiest person to introduce her to, “I’ll let you meet Nico first, he is our captain.”

Her eyes widened, “Well I’m glad you're here then.”

“What why?”

“I once told Luke I thought Nico was cute, way before I started dating him, and he ignored me for almost the whole day.”

Jack laughed and urged her further, trailing slightly behind, “I am not surprised. But you’re not wrong, Nico does-”

“Have a great ass? I know.”

“Not what I was going to say, but that works too.”

The two approached the Swiss man, waiting patiently for him to finish the conversation he was in, “Jack!”

“Hey, man.” The two hugged and Nico’s eyes drifted to the girl beside him, “And who is this?” 

She blushed under his gaze and looked down, “This is Luke’s girlfriend.”

“Luke’s girlfriend, wow.” She looked back up and stuck her head out, “I’ve been referred to as his girlfriend this whole day, but my name is actually y/n.”

“Nice to meet you, y/n. So where is your boyfriend?”

“He’s sick and Jack begged me to come tonight so I gave in.”

“Puppy dog eyes?”

“Yes, how’d you know?”

“He uses them to get out of things way too often.”

Jack shrugged from beside them, “It works. I’m gonna go get a drink, do you want anything?”

“Just water, please.” He nodded and walked away, leaving her with his captain.

“C’mon, I’ll introduce you to the rest of the team.”

By the time Jack got the two drinks and walked back over to the two of them, she was now surrounded by Dawson, Nico, Jesper, Erik, Curtis, Timo, and Jonas, laughing at something someone said. He looked at them in amusement, coming to stand behind her, “Here’s your water.”

“Thanks, Jack.”

“So Jack, who is this? Nico wouldn’t tell us until you got back.” Jesper raised an eyebrow at his teammate.

“This is Luke’s girlfriend, y/n.”

Half of the group choked on their drinks, coughing a little as a result. Y/n looked around the group, confused, “What?”

“Lukey’s girlfriend? No way, man.”

“What?” She protested a little.

“Little Hughesy has some game.”

“Will someone please tell me what you all are talking about?”

Curtis finally looked at her, smiling, “You’re dating, Luke? The Luke who for the life of him cannot talk to a girl even if it would save his life?”

“Yeah, he was like that when I met him. I think that’s just a Hughes thing though.” She shrugged, risking a glance up at Jack who whined, “Hey.”

“Well you all are wrong, Luke has the most game out of all of them.”

“There’s no way in hell.”

“Oh trust me, when Luke wants to,” her eyes went wide with amusement, “He can.”

They all cringed a little, “I do not want to know.” She grinned, taking a sip of her water. 

Without even a glance at her phone, y/n was able to make it through the whole night of meeting her boyfriend’s phone. They were all super nice to her and Jack had been a great support whenever she had gotten nervous or uncomfortable with a topic of conversation. By the time the two of them had left, Luke had texted and called her over and over again. 

Getting back into his car, y/n looked at her phone and frowned when she saw the notifications, “What’s wrong?”

She looked at Jack, “I don’t know, Luke called me like ten times.”

“Ten? We were only there for a couple of hours, maybe three.”

“Yeah, I know. Let me call him back.

Jack had only heard her side of the conversation, “Hi Lukey.” “What’s wrong?” “I’m sorry.” “Yeah.” “We’ll be home soon. “I love you.”

He turned the car on and backed out of his parking spot, starting to drive towards the exit, “What was that about?”

“He threw up and was hoping I could come home.” She groaned in frustration, “I should’ve looked at my phone, I told him I would’ve made you drive me home if he needed anything.”

“Hey, it’s okay. He’s 21, he can handle himself.”

“Yeah, I know. I just feel horrible.” He frowned at her, this time no trace of playfulness hidden in it or his eyes.

“If you’re thinking you’re a bad girlfriend, you shouldn’t be. If anything I’m a bad brother, I took my little brother’s girlfriend away from him when he was sick just to go to an event because I was too nervous to go alone.”

She shook her head, “He adores you, trust me. He won’t be mad at you.”

“I don’t know, Luke has the ability to hold a grudge for a long time.”

“Trust me, I know. But you’re not a horrible brother.”

“And you’re not a horrible girlfriend.”

❛ ━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━ ❜

⟹ quinn, jack, and the night on the town

Jack had been begging Quinn to go out with him since he woke up that morning, complaining he needed some new clothes for whatever reason, Quinn hadn’t been bothered to listen to him. It was one thing Quinn detested the most, shopping with Jack. He could be out for hours and still be in the same two stores that they started in. 

Y/n walked out of Luke’s room, followed by him on his phone. They talked quietly, y/n watching as Luke threw on his shoes, “I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah, drive safe.” Luke kissed her head, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Wait wait wait, where are you going?” Luke eyed his older brother carefully, “With my friends, why?”

“No, I don’t care where you’re going.” Jack groaned, “Where’s y/n going?”

“Home, why?”

Luke stood slightly in front of her, crossing his arms over his chest as Jack looked back at Quinn, “If y/n goes with, will you?”

Quinn raised an eyebrow but nodded slowly, “Yeah.”

“Where am I going?”

“Shopping!”

She looked at her boyfriend and then at his brothers before nodding, “Okay. Only if you buy me food.”

“Deal.” Jack grinned at her and it was Luke’s turn to groan, “You’re hanging out with more than you hang out with me.”

“Tough shit, Lukey boy.”

Quinn, Jack, and y/n drove to the mall, all talking about random things. When they got there, Jack led them to the store he wanted to go to and Quinn looked at her, “Good luck.”

“Why?”

“We once spent three hours in one store. Three.”

She let out a low whistle, “Longer than me. Well let’s hope it doesn’t last that long, maybe I could help?”

“Jack is the pickiest person ever so no offense, but I highly doubt you would make a-”

“Hey, Jack, do you like this?” Y/n pulled out a shirt from one of the racks and Jack immediately nodded when he saw it, “Yeah, actually.”

“Magic.”

They spent the next thirty minutes shopping for things, y/n’s picks hitting every time. Quinn had never been so relieved to go shopping with someone who helped Jack. They were able to get in and out within an hour and headed to two more stores afterward. When they got back to the car, she sighed and leaned against the seat, “You owe me food.”

“You deserve food, I’ve never been able to get Jack to shop that quickly.”

“What can I say? I have a talent.”

When they sat down at the restaurant, she immediately started a conversation, one she had been waiting to start forever, “So I need the scoop on Luke. All the embarrassing stuff. Like now.”

“Okay?”

“It’s important. When he met my brother for the first time, he told them about the time I got locked in a bathroom.”

“You got locked in a bathroom?” Jack snorted, taking a drink.

“Shut up. He locked me in there, it’s not like I did it myself. But that is completely beside the point, I need everything you have on Luke, right now.”

And so they did, they spent an hour and a half going back and forth sharing the funniest and most embarrassing stories they could remember about their brother. Y/n had laughed and laughed at each new story, making a point to remember them so she could use them against her boyfriend later. If her brother could tell him stories, why couldn’t his brothers tell her stories?

However, her feeling of winning slowly faded away as Jack and Quinn asked for stories about her childhood, “No.”

“Oh come on, we just spent however long embarrassing Luke for you, the least you could do is tell us one story about your childhood.”

She blinked at them before nodding, “Fine. Let me think.”

It was hard coming up with stories from her childhood, there weren’t many that stuck out to her. The only one she could really think of was the time her brother locked her in the bathroom which they had already discussed. But eventually, she sighed, “I was a very gullible child. So I allowed my brother to convince me to go down a slide on a chair.”

“You what?”

“Yeah, I broke my arm.” She shrugged, taking a bite of the few remaining fires she had on her plate. Jack and Quinn shook their heads, not believing what she had said. 

“I’m sorry, there is no way you let him convince you to do that.”

“I told you, I was a very gullible kid. You barely had to do anything to convince me. He also convinced me that he was born in Canada, which is very stupid looking back on it.”

By the time they left all three of them felt satisfied with the stories they had told, and when they got back home, Jack and Quinn shared a shit-eating grin at their younger brother before going to their rooms. 

“What was that about?”

“Let’s just say, I have a lot on you now so you can’t use the bathroom story anymore.”

❛ ━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━ ❜

⟹ y/n and the family fight

It was never often that her family fought, at least this bad. She had been home for the summer and told them that she was going to go out with some friends due to them being in town for a couple of days. She assumed that they remembered and left after saying a brief goodbye to them, getting in her car, and driving to where she was going to meet her friends.

However, when she got back home, her parents were furious and her brother was standing off to the side, trying not to interfere with what was about to happen. She stood in front of them nervously, waiting for them to say something but quickly realized that they weren’t going to be the first ones to speak, “Hi.”

“You leave for four hours without telling us you’re leaving and all you have to say for yourself is ‘hi’?”

She mentally groaned in frustration, knowing that this was going to happen. Her brother couldn’t help but snicker and as soon as their parents heard it, he was sent to his room. She sat down after her parents instructed her to and listened to thirty minutes of her parents ‘talking loudly’ at her, accusing her of things she didn’t even do. 

Once they were done, they allowed her to go up to her room where she let silent tears fall. She would’ve been able to get over it, hell she was 21 and she was still getting yelled at by her parents for the most idiotic things. She sat in her bed, staring at the wall as she listened to the white noise around her. She was startled once she heard her parents' voices again, but this time they were yelling at each other. 

That was when she realized that no matter how old you get, listening to your parents fight with each other never gets easier. After twenty minutes of fighting, she grabbed her keys and walked downstairs, hesitantly standing at the bottom of the steps. Her mom noticed her first, her face softening no longer mad at her, “Yes honey?”

“Can I go over to Luke’s house?” She had never heard her voice so quiet and vulnerable before, at least not in a long time. 

Her mom sighed and spared a glance at her husband before nodding and smiling weakly, “Yeah, just text us once you’re on your way home, okay?”

Y/n nodded and quickly ran out of her house, resting her back against her front door. She could hear the fighting resume and she wasted no time in getting in her car and driving away, but this time to Luke’s house. 

She parked on the side of the road, walking slowly up to the house. She really should’ve thought this plan through before she did it. She was nervous about whether or not she should’ve texted him or if he was home or not. She reached the front steps and realized it was too late to turn back once her fist hit the wood of their door. 

Jack opened the door with his usual boyish grin, but it turned down to a frown once he realized the expression on her face, “Y/n?”

“Hey, um… Is Luke here?” He shook his head softly, “He went out with some of his friends about an hour ago. Did you need something?”

She bit her lip, “Uh, no. It’s okay actually. I’ll just text him to tell me when he gets home. Thanks though, Jack. I’ll see you later.” 

She walked back down the steps and was halfway to her car when she heard her voice being called, “Y/n?”

“Yeah?”

“Come inside.” Locking eyes with him, she nodded and walked back to the house and inside, taking her shoes off. 

He led her to the living room where he and Quinn had been sitting with a bucket of popcorn and a random movie on. Quinn smiled up at her and quickly blinked away the confusion in his eyes as he heard her voice, “Hi.”

He scooted over, allowing her to sit on the couch in between the two of them, “I’m sorry for coming over unexpectedly. I was just hoping Luke would be here.”

“It’s okay, you want to tell us what’s going on?” 

She looked between them hesitantly before speaking, “It’s really nothing, I’m just overreacting probably.”

“Trust me, I’m probably the most over-dramatic person on this planet. And I can tell by the look on your face that whatever has you like this is probably warranted.”

“I got yelled at.” The two furrowed their eyebrows and she sighed, “I know, I’m 21 and I’m crying because I got yelled at. That’s not the reason I’m like this though. Well partly.”

The two nodded, urging her to continue, “After they yelled at me they started fighting with each other, and I- I finally realized that as I get older, I think their fighting just hurts worse.”

She couldn’t help but sob at the realization, curling into a ball on the couch. Quinn and Jack shared a look before Quinn wrapped her into a hug, his older brother instincts kicking in. Hearing someone who was like his little sister cry hurt more than he could ever imagine and he just wanted to make her feel better. Jack felt the same and ran to grab one of Luke’s sweatshirts and some ice cream from the freezer, coincidentally her favorite flavor. 

As he reapproached the couch, y/n had slightly uncurled herself from Quinn’s grasp and was wiping her tears off with her hand a little harshly. She chuckled dryly, “This is so embarrassing.”

“No, it’s not, I’ve had fans cry in front of me before.” Quinn smacked him on the back of his hand from behind her causing her to giggle a little. 

The two smiled and Jack sat down next to her handing her her boyfriend’s sweatshirt, “I figured this would probably help.”

“Thank you, Jack.” She quickly threw the hoodie on, snuggling slightly into the fabric. 

He then handed her the bowl of ice cream, “I also found this in the freezer. I think Luke bought it just in case you came over one day.”

She smiled down at it, noticing the ice cream was her favorite, “He sure does know how to make me smile even when he’s not here.”

They sat in silence before she looked between the two, “Thank you, guys.”

“Of course, we’ll be here if you ever need us. What are big brothers for.”

“We’re not even related.” She laughed and sniffled, wiping her tears still. 

They shrugged, “We know, but like I said the night of that event we went to, it’ll happen eventually.”

Quinn handed her the remote, allowing her to scroll through the channels or go onto Disney or Netflix. She settled on one of her favorite movies to watch with Luke and leaned back on the couch. When she was done with the ice cream, she stood to put it up in the sink but Jack grabbed it from her grasp and placed it on the table, “We’ll do it later.”

She nodded softly, curling up in the blanket that rested on her lap. Quinn eyed her carefully, “Tired?”

“Just a little.”

“You can sleep if you want to, we’ll wake you up when Luke gets back.”

“Okay.” And within minutes, she was asleep. Her head fell to the side landing on Quinn’s shoulder who just smiled down at her. 

❛ ━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━ ❜

•❅ 《 𝘉𝘖𝘕𝘜𝘚 𝘚𝘊𝘌𝘕𝘌 》 ❅•

The two got home and without even waiting for Jack, y/n ran upstairs to their apartment as quickly as she could, immediately going into Luke’s room. It was dark and she could barely see the outline of Luke’s body in the bed. She walked over quietly, kicking her heels off delicately. She kneeled on the bed, reaching out to card through his curls, “Lukey.”

She received no response and murmured his name once more. This time he stirred a little, groaning and protesting at being woken up, “I’m sorry baby. We’re home.”

He blinked his eyes open and looked up at her, smiling softly, “Hi.”

“Hi, baby. How are you feeling?”

He shook his head and untangled one of his arms to wrap around her waist. He pulled her close to him, burying his head into her stomach as she continued to kneel on the bed. She sat there for a few moments, running her hand through his hair. Her dress started to become tight and uncomfortable and she whispered, “Can I go change, Luke? I’ll be right back, I promise.”

He shook his head and only tightened his hold on her as much as he could, “Stay.”

“I will after I go change. This dress is a little too uncomfortable to sleep in.”

She smiled when he loosened his grip and got off the bed to change as quickly as possible. She came back with a damp washcloth and sat down on the bed, letting Luke pull her back to him. He curled up into a ball in front of her, his head resting in her lap. She was thankful that she threw on one of his sweatshirts because she knew she wouldn’t be able to pull up the blankets all night with him in her lap. 

She ran the washcloth over his forehead, ignoring his slight moans of protest. She leaned over the bed to make sure there was a bucket on the side and she sighed in relief when there was one. Despite Luke wearing two sweatshirts and a pair of sweatpants, he was shivering and only curled up into her more. She frowned again, pulling the washcloth away, “Alright, Lukey. We gotta take these sweatshirts off, you’re burning up.”

“No.” He protested, “‘m cold.”

“I know baby, I do. But you’re not going to get better if we don’t get your temperature down.” He sighed but knew she was right, so he allowed her to pull both of his sweatshirts over his head before curling back into her.

“Alright, I’ll be here, you can go to sleep now.”

“Promise you aren’t leaving?”

“I promise, sweetheart.”

“Okay.” 

It took him a matter of seconds to go back to sleep and y/n sat there peacefully, staring at the wall lost in her thoughts. Jack opened the door and her gaze shifted over to where he was standing, “How’s he doing?” 

“Not good, I think his temperature has gotten worse. If it’s still bad tomorrow, we’re probably gonna have to take him to the doctor.”

He nodded, “You going to be okay?”

“My legs might go numb, but if he wants to sleep here, I’m not going to  say anything.”

❛ ━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━ ❜

•❅ 《 𝘉𝘖𝘕𝘜𝘚 𝘚𝘊𝘌𝘕𝘌 》 ❅•

The door clicked open and Luke walked into the house, still trying to figure out if he just imagined y/n’s car outside their house. He took off his shoes and walked into the living room finding his brothers and his girlfriend sleeping on the couch. He raised an eyebrow and went to go to his bedroom but stopped when he heard his name. He looked back and saw Quinn standing up, “She came over about an hour or two ago.”

“Oh, I wish she would’ve texted me, I would’ve come home.”

“She got into a fight with her parents.” Luke’s eyes softened and his lips turned downwards, “Oh.”

“She was pretty torn up, we got her one of your hoodies and some ice cream and then she crashed. I’ll wake Jack up and you guys can have the couch.”

“Thank you.”

Quinn lightly shook Jack awake, who jumped in response. He was immediately shushed and his eyes followed his older brother’s finger to where Luke was standing. He nodded and got up, the two of them making their way to their respective bedrooms. The younger one sat down on the couch, running a hand through his girlfriend’s hair. Y/n stirred slightly and blinked her eyes open slowly. Her eyes focused on her boyfriend, shifting closer to him, “Hi.”

“Hey, sweetheart. I heard you got into a fight again?”

She nodded and closed her eyes as Luke ran his fingers through her hair. He frowned but knew that she wouldn’t want to talk about it much not only because she was asleep, but mainly because he knew she would lose it and be embarrassed even more than she had been earlier. He let her sleep in her lap and y/n was grateful for it. 

They never needed to share any words when something was wrong, they just knew what it was or when it happened and were there for each other. Whether it was Luke when he was sick or y/n when she got into a fight with her family, the two were by each other’s side as soon as they needed to be. And that’s what made them fit together.

⬂ 𝗡𝗲𝘄 𝗝𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗲𝘆 𝗗𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗹𝘀 𝗧𝗮𝗴𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁 ⬂

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[antimony-medusa]

Okay so.

Look. At this point I am old and I am tired and I am pretty firmly coming down on write what you want just archive lock it or something and tag it please. If I am hitting tropes or trends or ships that don't do it for me, I can simply click away and my day is not ruined. Cancellation is not on my radar at all. Okay. So. With that out of the way.

Look. Sometimes, when you are pushing the boundary of platonic possessive and platonic kink-adjacent stuff, if you lead special emphasis on the fact that everybody involved is related, it doesn't necessarily make it magically more platonic. It just gives it extra vibes. Specifically you are like STRONGLY invoking incest as a kink right now, my guys. This is getting dire. Like I'm sorry but if someone is lying down half asleep listening to the "sounds of kissing" and one of the people doing the kissing keeps saying how good of a brother the other person is, like, you can smack a "platonic kissing" tag on that one all you like, and I can even follow you on a faith journey and believe that you intended that to be platonic, but uh, the first reading of that one is distinctly like— man, please. I'm dying here.

In the same way that if you have an interaction— say, you did a cuddle-potion fic, and you say to yourself "man these guys are getting handsy, if they're both dating age this would look kinda sketchy'' so your solve is to make one of them twelve and then suddenly you have made your slightly off-colour fic take on a whole new tone— in the same way that making one of the characters underage isn't a magic button you can press to make something fully platonic no matter what, making your characters related isn't going to make it magically platonic if they are say, all in the same bed and one of the characters is feeling the mattress move as his brother and father cuddle each other and say how much they love each other.

This isn't even an isolated incident. Please.

If you are looking at your interaction and going "man this kinda looks like ship" and you want to make sure people don't think it's ship, aging down the character isn't a magic solve, and making them related isn't a magic solve, not when the rest of the tropes you are pulling from are pulled directly from romance and porn. You just invoked a DIFFERENT kink on top of the first one you had. Like you might not know that that's where the tropes come from but guys. Please. The solve for this scene is either changing it substantially until it no longer looks like ship, accepting that it looks off but you don't mean it that way and go "if people misunderstand this it's not my problem" or maybe considering the option that what you want to write is ship. I keep hitting this stuff and going "are you SERIOUS" and then it gets worse.

Or maybe, idk, you're specifically into all the people being related like that. You do you, the contents of your Ao3 account is not hurting anyone. But in that case please for the love of GOD can you please consider tagging it?

[talaok]

Win Again

Pairing: Marcus Acacius x sex worker f!reader

Summary: Marcus has won yet another match, so to reward him, his master has granted him another hour with you.

warning: smut| unprotected piv, oral (f receiving), a whole lot of manhandling, he like uses your body idk how to explain it, multiple orgasms, and once again unnecessary feelings cause im not able to write something where they just fuck for some reason

a/n: i know im two days late but PLEASE read this still. (also) basic things for this guy that i've decided are canon: 1)he has a monster cock, like actually scarily big, 2) he's real fucking strong (hulk typa shit), 3) he's not a big talker (but he is a grunter). I need this man to fuck me more than i need my next breath (real), also i did so much research for this fic and you cant even fucking tell

It wasn't often that you didn't dread going to the barracks.

These were strong, ferocious, and dangerous men, and you were but a meek lamb in comparison.

But today was different, today you were seeing him, him who fit the previous description to a tee, and yet was so different from any man you had ever offered your services to.

And perhaps it was because it never felt like you were ever offering anything, ever since that first night, you had never given anything you hadn't wanted to.

The guards stopped as you arrived at his room and you felt a wave of excitement crawl up your spine the moment they opened the door, waiting for you to enter.

The armored men stepped aside to let you pass, the cobblestones on the ground sounding against your sandals as you made your way inside, looking back at the door just in time to see it being shut close.

It was his breathing you heard first, his heavy breathing coming from where you knew his bed sat on the room's left, and seconds after, the creaks of the wood as he stood up, his feet stalking your way.

You turned to him then, a smile almost making it to your lips as you saw him alive before you once again, granting yourself a second to relish in the fact he still breathed, he was still here.

"You've won again" you spoke softly, your hands slowly finding the string holding your dress together.

He didn't respond. The window behind him caused the moon's soft glow to fall on the stone floor, but not on his beautiful face, that, you had to watch closely to inspect.

A newer cut right above his left eyebrow had appeared, and his right arm was bandaged almost completely, but otherwise, he looked fine.

His eyes remained on yours until you'd undone the dress, until it fell at your feet- then, a low groan rumbled from his chest as he took you in, and took his turn inspecting every inch of your bare figure.

"How do you want m-"

You didn't have time to finish your sentence that he'd picked you up, effortlessly pulling your body up until your legs slung over his shoulders and his face was buried in your cunt.

He hadn't even given you a second to realize what was happening that his tongue was already lapping between your folds, desperately drinking everything your body gave him.

"Oh my g-" you threw your head back, your skull finding the wall behind you being the only reason you realized he'd moved, and you were now caged between him and stone as you forgot how to speak.

The moans you had faked so many times for so many clients were nothing like the ones your mouth was spilling now, these were higher, coarser, feral, and the way you were gripping his hair... there was no way that didn't hurt.

"Y-You only" a whine interrupted your words when you felt his tongue plunge into your hole, when he started fucking you with it just like he would with his cock "You only h-have me for an hour" you breathed, your thighs squeezing tighter around him contradicting the words you were about to speak "d-don't you want me to p-please you?"

His grip on your ass only tightened and his mouth halfheartedly parted from your core to answer you.

"You are"

And just like that, he'd gone back to work. The moment his mouth closed around your clit you knew you were done for, you knew there was no point in fighting what was inevitably going to come, and so you shut your eyes, as he brought you to heaven.

Your moans were getting higher and higher as your back arched to feed more of yourself to him, desperately craving the feel of his touch, of his nouse, of his beard against your thighs, of the lips he so devoutly was using to suck on your most sensitive spot.

"F-fuck- general I-" The fist you had wrapped around his hair tightened as every muscle in your belly did the same "Oh!"

Somehow, through all the chaos, while you were coming all over his face, while your moans reached levels never reached before, the only thing you could feel or hear, besides pure ecstasy of course, were his groans, his groans as he drank up every drop of your juices, as if your orgasm was bringing his as much pleasure as it was to you.

You barely had time to open your eyes that his strong, big hands and even stronger, bigger arms had pulled you down until your legs hugged his waist instead.

You really did weigh nothing for him, and if that wasn't enough to prove it, the next minutes definitely would.

Your heavy breathing was fanning over his mouth as he freed his cock from his pants, but while you were expecting him to kiss you, having been blatantly staring at your mouth since he had any way of seeing it, every thought in your brain turned to dust when with one hard fucking thrust, he drove his cock into you- or the first few inches at least.

You couldn't talk, you could do nothing but throw your head back as your eyes rolled to the back of it, and let him take whatever he wanted to take.

"I'm not a general anymore," he said with another thrust, stretching you out even further, even deeper.

You wanted to laugh at his words. Now? Now he was feeling the need to correct you? When you could barely breathe, let alone think?

But he didn't look interested in hearing a response from you, not when he grabbed your waist, and definitely not when he started moving you up and down on his shaft with just the sheer force of his muscles.

The moans, the lewd moans that crawled up your throat were filthy, even filthier than the sound of how wet, how unbelievably drenched you were as he plunged into you over and over, as he literally used you as a fucktoy, filling you up more and more, until he was finally sat inside you to the very hilt, until his pubic hairs were grazing your skin and the tip of his cock was touching your cervix.

"Oh my god" you whimpered, feeling tears prick your eyes as your toes curled at the feeling.

You could feel him everywhere, everywhere.

But he didn't pause, he wasn't one to take his time, and perhaps that was because he didn't have much; he resumed his movements again, retracting his hips while he pulled you up his cock, and slamming into you while pushing you down on it, leaving you breathless, a simple doll at his mercy.

His groans and growls were deep and filled with lust, just like the way he bent down to take your left tit into his mouth, just like the way he was fucking you, deep and hard, and God- God it was happening again.

"s-shit" you squeaked, your walls squeezing around him as you bit your lip, so fucked out you could barely remember your name or anything at all that wasn't how good he was making you feel.

"O-Oh my fuck-"

The arms you had intertwined behind his neck tightened with every spasm of your hole, with every flutter of your belly, until you'd come once more.

You opened your eyes, letting them trail downwards, to where his lips parted to suck in ragged breaths, begging him for a kiss.

"again" he said instead, and your eyes widened as you felt him starting to move anew

"I-I can't"

He looked at you now, really looked at you, his sweaty hair sticking to his forehead, his chest heaving as he breathed heavily, and then- then he kissed you. Marcus Acacius kissed you the same way he'd been fucking you for the last hour: like an animal.

It was a mess of teeth and tongues and yet it felt like the best thing on earth, better than wine, better than life, even better than the sex- it was perfect.

"again" he ordered once more, and what could you do, if not comply?

So he started again, he started fucking you again, even more ferociously than the previous time, even if you didn't think it possible.

The way his skin slapped with yours was drowned by both your desperate sounds, your legs started to tremble, beginning to fall from his hips as he moved you up and down his cock like it were nothing, and you- you didn't even know where you were anymore.

"please" you begged, a single tear of pleasure, of overstimulation falling to your cheek as he kissed you again, muting all your cries as he drove himself into you like a madman, like he was possessed.

"Time's up"

Two knocks sounded from the other side of the wall together with the warning, and you thanked Marcus for having rendered you such a mess because otherwise, that would have reminded you of how little time you two ever had, and how miserable everything really was.

His movements sped up at the notice, his dick plunging into you over and over and over until finally, it was happening again.

"give it to me" he said, and you did exactly as he asked- you gave it all to him, screaming and crying you let him have all you had to offer, feeling his eyes on you the whole time.

He came loudly just after you, groaning deeply as he filled you up to the very brim.

Out of all the words you could have said to him then, all the things you wanted to tell him at that moment, you chose none, because none would have said anything he didn't already know from the look in your eyes, from the same exact spark in your irises that ignited his own.

So he helped you to the ground until you stood on shaky legs, walked to where your dress lay on the floor, and dressed yourself again, his eyes never leaving you.

The door opened just as you were done, and you turned to him one last time again, a smile pulling at your lips.

"Win again for me, general"

He looked at you too for one last time again, as he thought about how you didn't know, you didn't know how big of a role you played in his victories, how many times he could only think of the taste of you, smell of you, feel and voice of you as he took his opponent's life, as he fought for another hour with you, another second.

"I will" he promised

[mothandpidgeon]

ave atque vale (Marcus Acacius x f!reader)

Moth's Masterlist // follow @mothandpidgeon-updates and turn on notifications to stay updated with my fics!

pairing: Marcus Acacius x f!reader

rating: E 18+MDNI

summary: Marcus leaves without saying goodbye. Ave atque vale meaning hail and farewell

contents: angst, yearning, allusions to sex moth never uses y/n.

wc: 500

a/n: I'm breaking my own rule here about not writing for characters that aren't out yet but Daddius Acacius broke my brain yesterday. I hope you won't hold it against me. I am just a baby. Not beta'd.

The sleepy whimper that you make when Marcus slides out of the bed is enough to make him regret this. His resolve slips, just for a second, and he considers slotting himself back beside you. Holding you just a few minutes longer.

Dawn is just breaking, gray light filing in the shadows. There’s still enough time for a little more. You’re still slick from the night before. It would be easy to fit himself inside of you, feel your velvet grip around him, your soft shoulder against his lips. But waking you is the last thing he wants. 

His cowardice got the better of him. He couldn’t bear to see you with tears in your eyes, knowing you had a thousand questions he couldn’t answer. This was his last chance to see you before he’s sent away and this time, he’s not so certain he’ll be coming back. There's nothing he can do to change his fate. Duty bound to the empire– to wage war, taste blood and ash.

He wanted to have you, to remember you just the way you always are. One night of bliss. If he’d told you where he was going, it would have ruined it all. So he didn’t. 

He made love to you for hours, until you were both marked and sore. He held your face between his palms, pressed his cock deep inside you as if he could hide himself inside of you. His lips and hands mapped the planes of your body, memorizing every detail. The freckles on your skin, the sounds of your pleasure, the taste of your cunt. It wasn’t enough. He felt like he’d lost you and he hadn’t even left. 

Marcus stands frozen at your side, watching your bare chest rise and fall in peaceful sleep. Your hand is stretched out across the place on the bed where he’s just been, the spot cooling beneath your touch. Thank the gods you haven’t sighed his name in that drowsy rasp. It would surely bring him to his knees.

He aches to kiss you. Just once more, something to remember in the dark days to come. A respite through pain and cold and horror. But if he kisses you the way he wants to, the way he needs to, you’ll become suspicious. And he might not be strong enough to stop. He’ll go on kissing you, abandoning it all to live between your legs.

Despite how much it pains him, he’s steadfast. The same strength that has won him countless victories in battle keeps him from putting his lips to yours. He gives you a few more moments of peace, lets you go on dreaming that your lover is beside you though when your eyes finally open, he’ll be gone. 

He carefully pulls on his tunic and collects his armor, strewn about as you’d unlaced each piece and tossed it aside. Guilt twists in his gut as he lingers in the doorway. Your naked form glows in the weak light and he’s sneaking out like a thief in the night without even a goodbye. 

You’ll hate him for it. But perhaps that will save you from mourning him.

--

Thanks for reading. Your comments are always appreciated!!

[quinnylouhughesx43]

Little Things jh86

pt 1

Summary: in which Jack agrees to help his close friend with losing her virginity.

Warnings: 18+, mdni experienced x inexperienced, sort of friends sort of already lovers, blurred lines of relationship, use y/n & y/n/n, pet names,

Word Count: 2.3k+

Notes: this is my first time publishing a smut fic here, not my first time writing smut. i did not write it how i wanted to nor how i usually write it. much more tame than what I would typically do. didn’t want to full send on the first one. please be kind.

- you are responsible for what any and all media you interact with on the internet. this piece of fiction is intended for those 18 years of age and older ONLY. if you are a minor, do not continue to read below the cut. (if you do..i cannot pass go, and i can not collect $200 and i will be sad.)

"What the hell are we doing?" Jack's voice was a mix of surprise and excitement, his breath hot against her ear. “Are you positive you want this?” He has to ask her again for the twelfth time this evening. He keeps hoping her answers continues to be yes, but it would end him if they go through with this little “one time” rendezvous and she never spoke to him again. Y/n is his go to person for every little thing. It used to be his mom, until she came into his life around age 17.

“Yes Jacky, i wouldn’t have brought it up if i didn’t think i could handle the after effect.” Y/n ran her hand through his hair and kissed his cheek. Jack turned to face her as they sat in traffic.

“I have to be sure, I can’t just jump into bed with someone as important as you are to me and it end up hurting you. Or you wake up tomorrow and think it’s a mistake, I can’t do it like that.” He babbles, as he turns his attention back to the road when traffic starts moving again allowing him to pull into his apartment’s parking lot. “I’m not saying I won’t have sex with you, how many times have we almost before?”

“I figured that, if I can’t get out of my head to have sex with someone because im embarrassed that I’m 23 and still a virgin, and my best friend is this self proclaimed sex god. Why not ask him to help me out?” She bit her lower lip for a moment watching Jack’s face for a reaction. “Plus..at least I know he would never hurt me and would listen to me.” Her voice was softer than before, one of her hands turning his face towards her to delicately caress his cheek. Jack flashed her small soft smile that seemed to only ever be reserved for her and his eyes held onto hers.

Jack took a deep breath and swallowed hard. He had never seen his best friend like this before. Desire painted on her features like a masterpiece. For a moment he wondered if she wanted him or if she was only wanting to lose her virginity as her plan proposed. Either way he knew he had to be careful, but the raw, animalistic need coursing through his body was begging for release. He leaned in as if he was going to kiss her before diverting towards her left ear and whispered into, his hot breath sending shivers down her spine, “Just hope I don’t ruin you for all the other guys out there babygirl.” He tried to resist the urge to smirk, knowing that his reputation was a double-edged sword.

Y/n sucked in a shaky breath, squeezing her thighs together a little tighter at the husky draw in his voice. She couldn’t tell him that he already ruined everyone else’s chances the day he entered her life. That he is part of the reason she froze when presented the opportunity to be with someone else is because her and Jack’s confusing relationship.

Jack got out of his car, y/n following his lead grabbing ahold of the hand he held out for her. The two practically ran up the flight of stairs to his front door. Jack was fumbling with his keys to unlock the door, when he noticed y/n had already walked in having used her own.

“If you keep it accessible you don’t have to stand there and wait.” She giggled pulling him in by each side of his jacket.

“Someone’s a bit eager.” Jack mumbles against her lips, kissing her, just as if it’s second nature to them.

“Who wouldn’t be when they’re about to be with the Jack Hughes.” Y/n taunted, and that was enough to break Jack’s ego.

The two stumbled into the dimly lit bedroom, the soft glow of the bedside lamp that’s always left on casting shadows across the room. The floorboards creaked beneath their weight as they approached the bed, the anticipation thick in the air. Jack’s eyes roamed over her, taking in every inch of her body, his gaze lingering on the spot where her shirt had ridden up, revealing the smooth skin of her stomach. He reached out and traced the outline of her belly button with his thumb, watching her eyes flutter closed and her chest rise and fall with each quickened breath.

Slow Rowdy, keep it slow. She’s not some slut you’ve brought home from the bar after a game. She’s y/n. Babygirl, sweet girl. Your girl. Go slow.

His mind was reeling, chanting the same mantra over and over, not just because it was her first time, but because he didn’t want to screw this up. He had to make it perfect for her. Prefect because y/n is his girl. Or should be his girl.

He leaned down and captured her mouth in a deep, exploratory kiss, his tongue dancing with hers, still able to taste the fruity cocktail she had a dinner and the faint hint of the mint leaf she chewed on to be silly on her breath. His hands traveled to her exposed waist, momentarily teasing the uncovered skin, before gently lifting her shirt over her head and tossing it aside. Skimming his hands lightly up her sides and around her back, he unhooked her bra with trembling fingers like he was 17 all over again. Looking up at her face to stare into her eyes, he let go of her bra, letting it fall to the floor. He slowly stepped back to appreciate her beauty.

Y/n’s cheeks flushed a deep crimson as she stood before him, vulnerable and exposed. Out of sheer instinct her arms raised to cross in front of her body in attempt to hide herself from the attention she was receiving.

Jack growled, “don’t you dare do that.” He let out an annoyed huff of air through his nostrils.

“You need to be comfortable in front of whoever you’re going to be fucking y/n” He had ahold of one of her arms moving it away from her body. “so let me see how beautiful you are.” Jack was holding eye contact with her so intently it was hard for her to not believe him when he called her beautiful. Jack was getting harder as every second passed. “You are beautiful. With clothes, without clothes. With make up, without make up. I don’t know why you’re doing this.”

He stepped closer to her, hand palming her neck to pull her to him. “Sweet girl, never cover up in front me like that again. Got it?” She nodded yes, he ran his hand down from her neck to her breast. His other hand tracing up her body to mimic his other. Her heart was racing under his palms. Jack kissed her neck, feeling her pulse beat faster and faster. He whispered into her ear, “Trust me, okay? I’ve got you.” Y/n nodded, unable to form coherent words. “If you need me to stop, or you want to stop just say so.” He reminds her, before continuing his pursuit of kisses down her neck.

Jack’s touch was feather-light yet firm, making her body quiver with every caress. He kissed her collarbone, then trailed his lips down to her breasts, flicking his tongue over her nipples. Y/n’s knees buckled slightly and she gripped the back of his neck to keep herself upright. He chuckled against her skin, enjoying her wholesome reactions. “You’re so sensitive already,” he murmured, and she felt a thrill of pleasure at his words. The vibrato of his voice adding a new sense of pleasure. “Just wait until my mouth is here babygirl.” He whispered while his lips still around the sensitive bud, moving his hand to cup over her clothed pussy. Y/n let out a surprised yelp earning a husky chuckle from Jack.

Jack began his journey of kisses down her stomach, his teeth grazing her skin ever so slightly, leaving a trail of goosebumps in his wake. He unbuttoned her pants and slid them down her legs, leaving her in just her panties. He paused for a moment, looking up at her with the ever pending question in his eyes. She nodded with her bottom lip pulled between her teeth, giving him the green light to proceed.

He hooked his fingers into the waistband of her underwear and tugged them down. Her legs trembled as the cool air hit her skin. He kissed and nibbled her inner thighs, moving closer to the sweet juncture of her legs.

Y/n’s breathing was heavy, her eyes half-closed in anticipation. Jack’s mouth was hot and wet on her, exploring every part of her with a gentle but insistent pressure. He licked, kissed, and nipped at her folds, teasing her clit with the tip of his tongue. She let out moan, her hands clasping over her mouth shocked at how loud she was. He looked up at her from where his mouth was lapping at her sensitive clit, a smirk playing on his lips.

She was driving him crazy, and she hadn’t done anything to him. Jack had never been a guy to be a fan of long sessions of oral, but for he could stay here all day to watch her reactions.

“Y/n, I’m going to have to stretch you out a little, so I’m going to use my fingers”

Her eyes hazed over in ecstasy she nodded in acknowledgment with a tiny okay slipping through her lips.

Jack pressed his middle finger in and returning his mouth back too. He continued his ministrations, bringing her closer and closer to the edge. She was pulsating against him by the time he added a second finger.

Her legs began to shake, and she could feel what she believed to be the beginnings of an orgasm building within her.

“Ja..Jack.” She whimpered, her fingers combed through his hair tightening just the slightest.

“I think?” Was the last two words she uttered before a loud moan over took her voice, her legs shaking led to her near collapse. Jack caught her and looked up at her with the biggest grin on his face.

Jack’s eyes met hers, and she could see the pride in them. He had never had someone come apart like that before, especially not from just his mouth and hands. He stood from the floor and kissed her deeply, y/n tasting herself on his lips.

She could feel his erection pressing against her. She reached down in an attempt to feel him.

“Not so fast baby girl. This is all about you, not about me.” Jack scolds grabbing her wondering hand and as he gently lays her on the bed, his body hovering over hers. Fumbling with his belt and button to his shorts he quickly stripped himself of his shorts. Y/N reaches for the hem of his shirt pulling it up and over his head.

Y/n could feel the heat radiating off of Jack’s body as he positioned himself between her legs. He kissed her neck, his hands exploring her body, like he was trying memorize her. His hand made its way to her still very senses core, his thumb circling her clit when he comes across it. Traveling lower he pumps his fingers in her a couple of more times. She was soaking wet, ready for him. He reached for the bedside drawer and pulled out a condom, rolling it on with surprising ease.

Slow Rowdy. More now so than before. Slow. Do not ruin our precious girl. Jack.

Jack was positioned at the entrance of her wet, sex but the resistance he met was not giving.

“Y/n? Hey, baby girl. You’ve got to relax for me.” Jack spoke softly and caressed her cheek. His heart lurching in his chest when a tear wiped away with his caress.

Her eyes fluttered open to meet his gaze, when his hand touched her cheek. He watched her closely, waiting for her nod of approval. When it came, Jack repositioned himself at her entrance, his tip teasing the wetness of her sex. He pushed in just a bit, watching her eyes widen before he retreated. “Relax, babygirl. If you’re sure you want this, It’ll be okay before you know it, I promise,” he murmured, trying to soothe her nerves.

He pushed in again, this time a little further. She gasped, her nails digging into his back. He stilled, giving her body time to adjust. He kissed her forehead, her nose, her cheeks, whispering words of comfort. Slowly, inch by inch, he entered her, her tightness gripping him like a vice. It took everything in him not to bottom out. He could feel her tense up, her muscles contracting around him, and he had to be so careful not to go too fast.

She was doing her best not to allow anymore tears to collect in her eyes, but the initial pain was beginning to get the better of her.

“Jacky, it hurts,” she whimpered, her voice barely above a whisper.

Jack stilled, his eyes filled with concern. He leaned down to kiss her gently, whispering, “do you want to stop? I’ll stop right now.” Jack held a hand to her cheek, running his thumb across her cheek bone.

“N, n, no.” Y/n stuttered over choked back tears.

Jack held in a sigh and instead nodded. “It’s okay sweet girl, I’ve got you. Just breathe, let your body get used to it.”

He waited patiently for her body to relax. Once her body relaxed everything else would follow. Y/n gave a small nod of approval to continue, Jack pushed in a little more. Her eyes squeezed shut, and she bit her bottom lip, but she didn’t protest.

With every shallow thrust, Jack felt the resistance in her body slowly give way to acceptance. He kept his pace torturously slow, making sure she felt every inch of him as he filled her up. He knew he was larger than average, and he didn’t want to cause her unnecessary pain. His hand found hers, intertwining their fingers, giving her something to squeeze as she adjusted to the new sensation.

When he saw her eyelids relax from the tight, closed grip she had held them in, and flutter open to be glossed over, he knew she was beginning to enjoy it.

“Feeling better sweet girl?” Jack whispered as he kissed along the shell of her left ear.

Y/n nodded, taking a deep breath to steady herself. The pain had subsided to a dull ache, and in its place was a growing sense of fullness and pleasure. Jack began to move more deliberately, his strokes becoming deeper and more forceful. She could feel herself stretching around him, her body slowly getting used to his size. With every thrust, the pleasure grew, mixing with the lingering discomfort until it was all she could focus on.

Her hips began to rock in sync with his movements, her body responding instinctively to the rhythm he set. She wrapped her legs around his waist, urging him closer, needing more of him. Jack groaned, his restraint slipping as he felt her tighten around him. He was losing himself in the girl he quietly loved. He increased his pace, his movements becoming more demanding. The sound of their skin slapping together filled the room, along with their ragged breaths and moans.

Jack’s hands roamed her body, gripping her hips as he drove into her with more urgency. He could feel her walls quivering around him, her orgasm approaching. He leaned down and captured her mouth again, swallowing her cries of pleasure. He knew he was close, too, the tension coiling in his lower abdomen, begging for release.

Y/n’s nails scored down his back, leaving trails of heat in their wake. She was lost in the sensation, her inexperience forgotten in the haze of both of their desire. She could feel another climax building, more intense than the first. Her body arched off the bed, her back bowing as Jack’s hips pistoned into her. He was relentless, pushing her to the brink of ecstasy and beyond.

Jack’s muscles were tight with the effort of holding back his own release, but he could feel her tightening around him, her body begging for more. He reached between them, finding her clit and rubbing it with the pad of his thumb. She bucked against him, her hips rising to meet his every thrust. The sight of her, lost in pleasure, was almost too much for him to handle.

“Y/n/n, baby you’re fucking perfect.” Jack was enamored with her and he couldn’t hide it now.

“Fuck, y/n/n I’m so close, if you keep tensing your pretty little pussy like that around me I’m going to cum soon.” He blabbers out before dropping his mouth to one of her nipples, the hand in between them still working her clit.

Jack’s thumb flicked and rolled her clit while his tongue flicked and rolled her nipple. She was lost in the waves of pleasure crashing through her body. The pain had been forgotten, replaced by the sweet agony of need. She was close, so close to the edge, and she didn’t want to fall without him.

“Jacky, I’m...I’m going to...” she panted, her eyes searching his for understanding.

“Come for me, baby,” he encouraged, his voice low and gruff with desire. “Let go, I’ve got you.”

Her eyes fluttered shut, and she let out his name in a scream of pleasure as she came apart in his arms, her tight pussy convulsing around him. Jack felt the walls of her pussy pulse and clench, and similarly to her with the drop of her name, he followed her over the edge. His orgasm ripping through him like lightning. He buried his face in her neck, his teeth grazing her skin as he pumped his load into the condom, his release hot and intense.

For a moment, they lay there, both panting heavily, their bodies entwined in a sticky mess of sweat and passion. The aftermath of their shared pleasure was a mix of euphoria and disbelief. Y/n’s mind was a whirlwind of sensations and emotions, but one thing was clear: she had never felt anything like this before. The sex or the new connection with Jack, that had a new feeling attached.

Jack carefully pulled out, his eyes never leaving hers. He removed the condom and disposed of it before coming back to lay beside her. He pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her forehead. She felt safe, cared for, and utterly satisfied in a way she hadn’t known was possible. Her hand slid down to rest on his chest, feeling the steady thump of his heart beneath her palm.

Something she always does before they fall asleep, as if to signify his heart races around her too, when one of them sleeps at the other’s.

They lay there for a few moments, catching their breath and processing what had just happened. The room was silent except for the sound of their breathing and the occasional rustle of the sheets. Y/n couldn’t help but feel a twinge of sadness that it was over. She didn’t want this moment to end, but she knew it couldn’t last forever.

“Jack..I don’t want this to be a one time thing.” Y/n’s rushed out

“Sweet girl, if you wanted me all to yourself you should’ve just said so. You didn’t have to go this far. You didn’t have to use your virginity as an excuse to get closer to me.” Jack’s words were so softly spoken and held intense emotions. “For the record though, you’re not going anywhere now that you’ve said something. You’re my girl now.”

Y/n grinned at Jack. He kissed her forehead and pulled her close to him. “I wish we could have talked about this before I took the most valuable precious thing away from you, but I’m glad it was me and not some other asshat.”

“It’s always been you Jack, since we met at 17. Why would I ever let anyone else have a chance.”

Jack’s chest swelled with pride and affection, just like it did when they were 20 and he kissed her for the first during some silly party game. He had whispered those exact words to her after the kiss, he didn’t think she’d remember them with how drunk she was. “It’s always been you babygirl, since we met at 17. Why would I ever let anyone else have a chance?”

Back then he had never felt more connected to someone during a kiss and today he had never felt more connected to someone during sex than he did in that moment with y/n. He kissed her forehead again, feeling the happiest he had in a while.

[jomteaaa]

you fall first, but he falls harder

a/n: i can only write fluff, so please trust me that it's fluff. there's like, one usage of 'she', timeskip spoilers, and a bit of language. it's my longest fic yet (which isn't saying much), no beta we die like daichi

you don't know that tsukishima kei knows about your crush on him. it's so damn obvious, how you turn red so easily when he's around. unfortunately for you, though, he doesn't reciprocate, nor does he bother confronting you about it. you are his closest friend other than yamaguchi, and as much as he hates to admit it, he doesn't want to lose you as one. it's so tedious, anyways.

---

"it's our last year in karasuno, do you have anything planned?" you ask as you lay on the floor of tsukishima's room. you're supposed to be studying, since it was what you came over to do with kei and tadashi, but you gave up somewhere halfway in geography.

"it is my last year, but who knows about you? you've been slacking so much, you'd probably have to repeat a year. and could you get up?" he sighs and nudges your side with his foot.

"asshole," you mutter, cheeks growing red. if you know that he just dodged your question, you don't do anything about it. "just you wait, i'll enroll into kyoto university and make you eat your words, beanpole."

"sure." his reply drips with sarcasm, but he doesn't doubt that you can make it far. there's a knock at the door.

"sorry for being late!"

"tadashi!!"

---

kei knows you can read him like an open book. you can tell he's having a bad day just by a conversation with him through text. he also knows that when he says that he doesn't want to talk, you immediately ring his phone.

the first time it happened, he had tried to decline your calls, or just ignore it entirely, but you're insistent. eventually he picked it up, filled with pure irritation at that point.

"could you--"

"i'm heading over. i promise i won't push for any details. i'll even get strawberry shortcake on the way." you immediately stated. he paused to mull it over.

"fine, but if the cake sucks, i'm kicking you out." it's safe to say that the cake was good enough to make this a habit. at this point, tsukshima doesn't even know why you still call him to let him know you're coming over. the both of you know you will no matter what.

so here you are, sitting on his bedroom floor with him and eating desserts in silence, save for the music playing softly from his computer.

"you're gonna get in trouble with your parents when they realise you snuck out." he remarks. you shrug your shoulders, stuffing the remaining taiyaki in your mouth.

"i know."

"don't eat with your mouth full." you roll your eyes with a furious blush. somehow, you being here with him becomes sweeter than the strawberry shortcake.

---

you were there when tsukishima made the decision to go professional with volleyball.

his last match as karasuno's middle blocker had ended. his body was sore all over, but somehow the freak duo managed to convince him and yamaguchi to play one more match back at school, just the four of them with yachi. but even with landing third in nationals and a final intimate match with his teammates, he still somehow feels so unsatisfied.

the walk home with you was silent. he was grateful you didn't say anything. he couldn't handle anymore questions about how he was feeling when he himself was unsure. it was when you two stepped outside the convenience store after getting ice cream did he come to the conclusion that he never wants to have a last match.

"i'm not going to give up on volleyball after graduation." he announced out of the blue. you were caught off guard for a bit, before grinning at him. "i expected that."

"why?"

"you call hinata and kageyama freaks for being so insane about volleyball, but you don't even realise that you're just as equally crazy about it as them." you said it so nonchalantly as you eat your ice cream, like you're stating a fact. now it was his turn to be taken off guard. he took a while to let it settle in before chuckling softly.

he should have known that you know him better than he does himself.

---

it's graduation day. tsukishima and kageyama are stuck with their four teary-eyed friends by their side. kei awkwardly pats your head, not knowing how to comfort you. you laugh at his feeble attempt, your rosy cheeks burning red. have you always been this cute? in the midst of all the bittersweet interactions, you get distracted by something on your phone, and let out a gasp.

"what is it, (name)?" yamaguchi asks. you're trembling slightly, and tsukishima grows worried.

"i, uh, got into kyoto university," you say in disbelief. "i actually got in!" everyone congratulates you, but you only care about one thing.

"tsukki, remember that day i told you i'd make you eat your words?" he hums in acknowledgement. you shove the acceptance email in his face, but he can only focus on how proud you look with that shit-eating smirk. "what do you have to say now, beanpole?"

he smiles. that's my best friend right there.

"nothing."

---

you were gone before the new year, and kei was handling your absence well until semester started. he had believed it'd be fine, you were only across the country, not across the world. plus, you promised you would call as often as you could.

but he doesn't sees you in his classes anymore, and you don't come over when he's having a bad day. he got himself strawberry shortcake to lighten his mood like it usually does, but he only feels hollow. it doesn't help that since he's going pro, his volleyball training is almost everyday now, and with your commitments, he rarely gets to call you anymore. it hurts like hell inside.

"hey tsukki, you've been off recently. is everything ok?" tadashi calls him one day.

"i'm fine, yamaguchi." kei lies. tadashi isn't convinced.

"does it have something to do with (name) being in kyoto?"

"why would you say that?" he answered too quickly for his liking.

"well, you bring (name) up quite a bit, and when you realise she isn't there, you get all quiet and snappy." tsukishima is about to retort back, but then it hits him.

oh shit, he's in love.

---

the day you finally return back to miyagi to visit, tsukishima waits at the station with yamaguchi. kei's eyes are constantly searching the crowd and flickering to his watch every so often.

"tsukki, relax, she'll be here soon." he ignores tadashi's reassurance.

tsukishima kei is a composed man, always able to think before he acts. but when he catches sight of you, he runs. before you can register anything, he hugs you, gripping onto you like a lifeline, like he will die if he lets go of you.

"tsukki--"

"gosh, i missed you so much, you idiot." he knows you could have easily lost feelings for him when you were away.

"wha--"

"i've suffered so much because of your stupid, dumb ass." he doesn't care.

"wait--"

"i like you, so go out with me before you have to head back to kyoto." you're back, and he's scared to lose you again. every second you stay quiet, the louder his heart beats in his ears.

"really?" you finally say, your voice barely over a whisper.

"yea." another pause.

"guess i'm yours then, beanpole."

bonus:

"you know, i knew about your crush back in high school."

"what the heck?"

"you didn't necessarily hide it well."

"then i'll have you know that yamaguchi told me everything that happened when i've been gone."

"...fuck."

[wongyuseokie]

Teardrops On My Guitar | h.j.s

Summary: You loved him, but he was your best friend. While he sometimes blurred the lines, he never saw you more than that. Since he was your best friend and you were so in love, you’d break yourself apart for him. You watched him fall in love with everyone, but you only question for how long? ☆ 18+ minors dni |☀︎fluff | ☁︎ angst | ♕smut | ♥ completed works

Word Count: 19,760 words

Pairings: Joshua Hong x Female Reader Genre/Trope(s)/AU(s): Unrequited Love AU! (don’t say I didn’t warn you; this really won’t be a nice one). Slice of Life AU! Fluff, Angst, Smut (the holy trinity, if you will) 

Content Warnings: Yelling, swearing, crying, arguments, toxic coping mechanisms, smut, unprotected sex (don’t do this). Smut Warnings: Fingering, oral (male and female receiving). multiple orgasms, squirting, hand jobs. Body insecurities, bitchy drama from other girls (let's lift each other up). Slut-shaming.  Authors Note 1: I think All Too Well was painful for me to write because that was the story about how a relationship that I deemed perfect fell apart, but this one hurts me more because this is a story I hate reliving so much. After all, this is the story of how I fell in love with my best friend and how I never told him (sort of), but now I had to watch him fall in love with everyone but me. This story is a letter to myself back then. I wish I loved myself more back then. 

Author’s Note 2: This is a Seventeen rewrite of an old fic of mine, so if it looks familiar, that’s why hehe.  Authors Note 3: Thank you so much to the following people for reading this for me @shuadotcom @gyuwoncheol @okiedokrie @wonuvs

© wongyuseokie 2024. All rights reserved.

High school sucked. It was a universal truth. 

But you felt like some days it sucked for you more than it did for others. You felt awkward, you didn’t make friends easily – if ever. You basically had just two friends, while every morning on the school bus, you’d hear chatter about someone getting drunk or kissing someone at a party. 

You would have to take a deep breath and pretend you didn’t care. But you didn’t even have enough friends to hold a party, let alone be invited to one. Hell, you couldn’t remember the last time you partied.

You even celebrated your birthday with your parents last year, entering the fifteenth year of your life in your bedroom, watching movies and spending time with your parents. And you didn’t really mind it. You just wished you had someone who wanted to spend time with you. 

The worst thing was hearing about other girls your age having lavish birthdays, having their first kiss, and whatnot made you realise that you had no experience of any of that. This sucked completely,considering that everything felt like a competition in high school. 

Who could get their first kiss before anyone else? Who could lose their virginity first? Forget virginity; you had never even kissed a guy. A proper kiss. Not a stupid peck, but an adequate kiss – one of those you saw in movies. 

You were convinced that the only way you’d ever get your first kiss would be if you were granted a magical makeover where the universe would give you a new face, a slimmer body, and more proportionate features. 

Your mother said you were pretty, but what mother wouldn’t? Some stupid boys in your high school took it upon themselves to tell you throughout your entire middle school years how undesirable you were. They would pretend that their eyes burnt if they saw you and they acted like you were Medusa. In some ways, you could relate. You, too, felt like you had a curse that wasn’t your fault either. You tried all the beauty hacks, scrubbing your face with homemade sugar scrubs and buying concealers that were too light to wear, all because you just wanted to be pretty. 

Feel a little worthy. 

Now that you were older, you knew their hurtful words were untrue. And no, you didn’t suddenly have an epiphany and start believing you were a beauty queen, but you knew not to take such awful comments to heart. Yet, you couldn’t help how they’d sometimes seep into your mind. 

However, as you stood outside your dorm room as a fresher at university, you couldn’t help but wish this was your chance to begin again. You had a new start; no one here knew you from high school; you weren’t back in your small town; you were in the city. You could start over. 

Your bullies, past, and insecurities didn’t follow you here, so maybe this would be the time you’d finally be able to restart. Get a new lease on life.

“Oof, sorry,” a voice apologised as its owner bumped into you, making you look up from the floor. You were met with dark brown eyes filled with kindness, compassion, and, at this moment, regret for bumping into you. 

You looked away from the stranger’s eyes to take him in. He was tall and devastatingly handsome, with a giant grin adorning his handsome face, and you immediately felt like you were thrown back into high school. Guys like him would either mock your appearance or ignore you, pretend you were a wallflower. 

Girls like you didn’t get guys like him. 

You immediately looked to the ground and mumbled an apology. 

“Hey, what are you apologising for? I bumped into you, and I bumped into my flatmate. Nice to meet you. I’m Joshua!” The handsome man introduced himself, holding his hand to you, and you accepted it gingerly as you shook it. 

“What’s your name?” Joshua asked. 

“Y/N,” you replied. 

“Well, I’m excited for fresher’s week! I think it’s so cool that we get to live in co-ed living spaces and get to be adults. I’m also glad that our rooms both have an ensuite, thank fuck. Not the biggest fan of sharing bathrooms,” Joshua rambled, then laughed when he saw your confused expression. 

“Sorry, oversharing with my neighbour within a second of bumping into you isn’t the best first impression, is it?” Joshua joked, and you shrugged, shooting him a smile. 

“Okay, well, I got to finish moving in, but will you be coming across the hall for the freshers’ party? I have a couple of friends I’m going with, but I’d love for you to join us! Unless you already have plans?” Joshua asked.

You shook your head, stunned. Was this reality? 

Someone willingly invited you somewhere, not out of force or school obligation but because they wanted to ask you. 

“I’d like that,” you finally answered, making Joshua smile.

“Well, Y/N, apparently freshers have been told to wear comfy footwear, whatever that means, but how about I knock at your door at nine, and we can leave together?” Joshua offered, and you nodded as you hurried back into your room, slamming the door behind you. 

You were beyond confused. You had plenty of outfits to choose from, but the one time you wore a skirt to your high school disco, you heard a few comments calling you a try-hard and an attention seeker, so you went home and threw the skirt into the back of your closet never to be seen again. And now, that skirt was in your hands again, reminding you of crappy memories and the fact it was impractical as it had no pockets. 

You decided to wear jeans instead. Jeans were a safe option. You chose a black, strappy top with some sequins and threw on a black leather jacket. 

The outfit was inspired by several hours of Pinterest-related shopping you did before arriving at university. You wanted a fresh start, which also meant fresh outfits. You wanted everything to be new. 

You grabbed your white striped Converse and put them outside, on the floor next to the foot of your university bed, a modest single. You also decided to shower, shave and exfoliate. You didn’t think Joshua would find you remotely attractive, but you wanted to at least feel somewhat pretty. 

A couple of hours later, you were putting on your silver hoops when you heard a knock on your door. 

“It’s open,” you said and smiled at Joshua as he walked into your room in tight-fitted jeans and a loose black tee tucked in and completed with a black belt. 

“You look nice,” Joshua complimented.

You hissed as you poked your ear with your earring at his compliment. “Ouch!” you yelped.

Joshua’s eyes widened as he approached you, taking the earring out of your hand and helping you to put it on. “Did I startle you or something?” he asked, his voice too close to you, breath fanning over your neck. 

“I just… I don’t get compliments, so yeah, I guess you did,” you admitted, feeling stupid for admitting something like that to a perfect stranger. He would probably think you were weird now and walk away. 

“Well, that’s a shame. You deserve plenty,” Joshua said genuinely as he squeezed your shoulder, smiling widely at you.

And for the first time in so long, you felt like there was hope for your heart, and for you to find and experience everything you never got to in high school. 

The void in your heart… maybe Joshua could be one who could fill it. 

“Oh, Y/N, by the way! They’re having a flat party. Everyone said that the freshers’ party is usually kind of boring and that nothing much happens. They were talking about things like safe sex, and I’m sure we’re all tired of that conversation from high school,” Joshua joked as you two walked out of your shared dorm and across the hall where you stood as he informed you of the flat party. 

“How many people will be there, though?” you asked, feeling insecurity and fear flood your system. You didn’t want a ton of eyes on you in your outfit. You didn’t want to hear the whispers that would inevitably make you curl up and cry into your pillow all night. 

“I think twenty, give or take. It’ll be our flat and the one across ours,” Joshua replied, and you pondered over the thought of meeting nineteen new people – people who could judge, mock and make fun of you. 

“Hey, you’re my next-door neighbour—well, our doors are opposite one another—you are now my friend, and I’ll keep you protected. If anyone tries shit, I’ll smack them,” Joshua vowed, making you giggle. 

“What’s so funny?” he asked, smiling as he watched you giggle. 

“I just tried to imagine you even trying to beat someone up,” you replied, wiping the tears of laughter that collected in your eyes, making Joshua laugh at you. 

“Oh, but I am fiercely loyal. Trust me, when it comes to protecting those I care about, I’ll fight,” Joshua said seriously. 

You nodded, following him across the hall to the other flat as you two walked into the kitchen, where drinks were being poured, and you could tell several people were already quite drunk. You swore you saw a couple exchange a few kisses. 

“Hi, we’re from flat 2A! Our flatmates told us about the party!” Joshua introduced himself, and one of the guys, who introduced himself as Jeonghan, approached you and Joshua. 

“Well, 2A, welcome to flat 2B! We do have alcohol to spare, but if you want more, you’ll have to bring your own,” Jeonghan explained, the smile never leaving his face, and Joshua nodded as he brandished a bottle of soju from his coat pocket. 

“I’ve got us sorted,” Joshua grinned, and Jeonghan smiled again as he welcomed you two. 

“Y/N, have a seat next to me. We 2A’s need to stick together,” Joshua joked as he guided you to the black couches, where he helped introduce you to the other students. You exchanged several words with Nia and felt she could be a good friend. She had kind eyes and a soft smile, something you were never used to ever seeing. 

“Alright, I’m bored. Can we play a drinking game? It’s the easiest way to get to know one another,” another girl, whose name you couldn’t recall, complained, immediately grinning when everyone agreed. 

You could see she had no actual malice. She just wanted to party. Not everyone you’d meet in life would be your high school bully. This was something you’d have to remind yourself of during every interaction. 

“Okay, what do you want to play, Nia?” Jeonghan asked as he joined her.

“Truth or dare! But take a shot if you want to skip the dare or truth?” Nia suggested.

Everyone nodded–including you, even if your heart beat wildly in your chest. What if someone asked you something like if you were a virgin? You’d lie, but the stammering would give it away. Then again, you had been a wallflower all your life. No one would ever pick you, you convinced yourself as you took a large sip of Jeonghan’s concoction. 

It tasted more like he poured pure alcohol in and sprinkled in some diet coke to mask the fact he did not know how to mix a damn drink, but it was a drink you were thankful for. It gave you a nice buzz, lowering your inhibitions and fears. 

“Okay,” Jeonghan said after three rounds. Everyone had a pretty good buzz, and the questions and dares were getting more unfiltered and scandalous with each game. “Joshua, I dare you to give Y/N a peck on the lips,” Jeonghan said smugly, making you gulp and swallow the remainder of your drink. 

As you sighed, you didn’t think the party would come to this, but you realised you were fooling yourself. People would always care about this, and you didn’t fancy being a laughingstock. 

“Wait, Y/N, where are you going?” Jeonghan asked, genuine concern lacing his voice. Joshua stood up, shooting Jeonghan a slight glare. 

“I just, uh, want to go to bed; you know the alcohol has hit me,” you mumbled quickly as you nearly ran out of the flat and straight back to yours. You rushed into your room, taking a seat on your bed as you took deep breaths. 

It was okay; he wouldn’t remember any of this tomorrow, and you’d avoid it if needed. 

“You should lock your door, you know,” Joshua’s voice startled you as you stood up from your bed at his sudden presence. 

“Can I talk to you?” he asked, and you nodded, knowing there was nowhere to run. 

Then again, there was that large window… But if you leapt out of it, you’d fall into a bush of poison ivy, so you decided to take the scarier option of engaging in conversation. 

“I’m sorry if Jeonghan went too far with that dare,” Joshua apologised as he sat down on your bed, and you sighed, shaking your head, joining him. 

“No, it’s just… I didn’t want to make you feel repulsed by doing something you didn’t want to do,” you admitted.

Joshua turned to face you. “That’s the last thing I’d feel if I kissed you. You’re so beautiful. Anyone would be lucky to kiss you,” he said, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. 

“I wouldn’t know what to do,” you admitted, causing him to smile softly at you. 

“May I?” Joshua asked, and your breath hitched, knowing what he meant, “not because I feel obliged, but because I want to,” he added, and you finally nodded, making him smile as he moved closer to place his soft lips on yours. 

You didn’t know what to do, so you followed his movements, the way he moved his mouth ever so slowly against yours. He was kissing you like you were made of glass, and it made you feel like you were a crystal sculpture. 

Fragile yet beautiful, his kiss made you feel worthy. Joshua smiled as he pulled away. 

“Wow,” you whispered. 

“Wow?” he asked, and you nodded. 

“I’ve never had a kiss like this, just a stupid peck. But this one felt like a real kiss, so yeah… this one felt nice,” you admitted as Joshua nodded. “Sorry if I didn’t know what I was doing or it sucked, though, I just—oomph,” your rambling was cut off by his lips as they pressed against yours again.

You felt him smirk against your lips as he pulled away slowly. “You were fine,” Joshua clarified, and you nodded at him. “Look, the party isn’t over, and more people have joined. I think they’re playing music, and they’ve dimmed the lights, so if you want, we can go back?” he offered, smiling at you.

You hesitated. 

“Or I can grab another bottle of soju, and we can put a movie on? Or I can leave you alone?” Joshua offered. 

You smiled at him. “How about a movie?” you chose.

Joshua nodded with a grin. “Be right back! Let me go get the bottle of soju from my room. You pick the movie, but nothing horror,” he added as he left your room. 

You smiled in his wake. 

This was your new beginning. You could start afresh. 

~~

Two weeks in, lectures had started. Joshua had become your partner in crime, your closest friend. You had also grown closer to Jeonghan and Nia; they had become part of your little friendship group, and you felt wanted and included for the first time.

You felt needed, seen, and appreciated. It was everything you ever wanted. 

“Yo!” Joshua yelled, barging into your room one evening while you were reviewing your lecture material for the following day. 

“Do you bother knocking anymore?” You chuckled, shaking your head as Joshua got comfortable on your bed, kicking off his shoes as he lay down. 

“No. Friends don’t bother with formalities,” he told you smugly, making you roll your eyes at him. 

“Why are you here, anyway? I thought you and Jeonghan wanted to go to a social?” you asked him. 

“Yes, but apparently, Jeonghan and Nia decided to go on a date or something, I don’t know,” he mumbled, making your eyes widen. 

“Wait, what?” you exclaimed, and Joshua shrugged. 

“I don’t know. Nia didn’t give me a straight answer, just kept blushing, and Jeonghan just smirked,” he answered as he shrugged off his leather jacket and threw it to the floor. 

“Shua, are you planning on crashing or something?” you asked, putting your pen down and turning to face him, and he grinned at you. 

“Come on, it’s movie night,” Joshua whined playfully, making you smile. 

“Oh, shut up, you’re only here because Jeonghan ditched your ass, and I’m the second choice,” you joked, but you couldn’t help the thread of insecurity that weaved its way into you. 

“See, normally, I’d let that slide, but I know you might take that to heart. Hey, I live across the hall from you, and you’re one of my closest friends here, okay? I don’t want you ever to think that you’re my second choice,” he assured you softly as he got up to wrap his arms around you. 

That was a new thing you got used to: Joshua’s extreme affection - his need to touch and feel loved through the act of touch. It was new to you, but you weren’t entirely mad either. It felt nice being wanted and being a source of comfort to him. 

“Now, stop doodling flowers on your lecture notes and join me. I want to watch something,” he teased, and you nodded, smiling shyly as you saw the flowers etched into your work. 

“Shall we do a Pixar night?” He then suggested. 

“Always,” you smiled, nodding as you joined him on the bed. 

As you sat down, Joshua immediately pulled you to his side. Soon enough, he was curled into you as he held you during the movie, either babbling nonsense or pointing out things you never knew existed in the film. You loved that about him, you thought to yourself. You loved his ability to see the beauty in everything. 

You paused as you stared blankly at the screen. 

Was that it? Did you love him? 

Were you falling for your best friend? 

The man who took you seriously for once and made you feel seen, were you falling in love with him?

You knew you were falling for the man who could see the beauty in everything. 

You wondered hard that night… would he be able to see the beauty in you?

~~

“So, how was your date with Jeonghan then?” you asked Nia, who had just sat across you with her breakfast. 

She shook her head. “It wasn’t a date. I needed to talk to Jeonghan, that’s all,” Nia explained, and you nodded at her. 

“You two would make a cute couple, though?” You joked, earning a scoff from Nia. 

“What would you know about relationships? Aren’t you forever single or something?” she snapped at you out of nowhere, making you feel like all your progress with your friends over the past month crumbled in a second. 

“I…” You opened your mouth to defend yourself until you realised Nia was right. You were no one to give anyone any relationship advice. 

“That’s what I thought. So keep your comments to yourself. Just because you kissed Joshua once does not mean you know a thing,” she added unnecessarily, her words pouring more salt into the wounds you kept so hard to keep closed. 

Why did Nia know that Joshua had kissed you? And why was she using it as an insult? Did she find it laughable, or did Joshua embellish the story and tell them that he only ever kissed you because you were like a wounded puppy, and he felt sorry for you?

“I need to go,” you mumbled before speeding away, feeling nauseous as you returned to the dorms. 

Would Joshua ever hurt you like that? You didn’t think so, but guys like him were never meant to be with girls like you. 

“Yo, what’s up?” 

You heard Joshua’s voice as you walked into the standard room, and instead of reacting like you usually did, you ducked out of the room and ran to your own. Just as you were about to close the door, Joshua’s large hand pushed between the space and wedged himself into your room. 

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” he asked. 

You sighed, not realising that the tears had fallen down your face. “Nothing,” you mumbled weakly, earning an eye roll from Joshua as he grabbed your books out of your hands and placed them on your desk. 

He then held your hand as he walked you to your bed and sat you down. “What happened? I know something did. I’ve seen your happy tears, and these aren’t them. What’s wrong?” he repeated, his hands moving to cup your face. 

“Fuck, Shua! How did Nia know about us kissing that night?” you burst out, making Joshua frown. 

“Fuck, I was talking to Jeonghan. I didn’t think he’d blab to her. Why, what did she do?” he asked. 

“I just… I was teasing her about Jeonghan and her going on a date, and she got annoyed. So I thought to diffuse the tension, I’d joke and say that she and Jeonghan would make a cute couple. She lashed out at that. She asked me what I would ever know about relationships, as I’m a forever single girl. Then, when I couldn’t say anything, she said, “Just because I kissed you, I shouldn’t assume that I know anything,” you admitted, feeling more tears falling down your face as you recalled the comments. 

“What the fuck? Why would she say that? Listen, you can always give relationship advice without being in one, okay? I’ll find out what’s wrong with her, but what she said is so beyond fucked up,” Joshua snarled. You could tell he was angry. 

“That’s not necessary, Shua. But… I want to know why Jeonghan even knew about the kiss,” you mumbled.

Joshua frowned as he sat down next to you. “I’m sorry. We were just chatting, and it slipped,” he apologised. 

“Well, you should be more careful. It’s not fucking okay to do that,” you muttered.

Joshua’s eyes widened at your tone. “Why? Is it embarrassing to kiss me?” he accused, and you stared at him in shock. 

“Oh, don’t even go there. You know I’m the one people laugh at and look at funny. The one everyone knows got a pity invite. And now they all probably think that you kissed me out of pity, too, and now they’re laughing at me!” you ranted, making Joshua scoff at you. 

“I don’t know that much. You don’t let me in about a lot in your personal life or your past, but no one pities you here. No one thinks that—only you do,” Joshua commented, making you feel small. 

“We all have a past, and I’m not trying to fucking invalidate yours, but you need to get over whatever happened to you in high school. This is a fresh start, so instead of victimising yourself every chance you get, maybe get out of that self-pity bubble you’ve trapped yourself in and realise that people might give a fuck about you! But if you keep wallowing and crying over stupid shit like this, then no one will want to be your friend for real,” he huffed out.

When you didn’t speak, Joshua looked up to see how you looked even more devastated than when you came in initially crying over Nia’s comments; he had made you cry more. 

“Y/N—” Joshua started to say, but you shook your head at him. 

“You’re right. I’m being a pain in the ass,” you mumbled, making Joshua groan. 

“That’s not what I’m trying to say, but if that’s how you keep taking it, then sure, you might as well be,” he added, and you nodded. 

“Can you leave? I have an assignment due tomorrow,” you mumbled, getting off your bed and walking to your desk, turning your back to Joshua, making it clear you wanted to be left alone. 

Joshua felt like a complete moron. He knew he was being a dick, but he didn’t like how you spoke in riddles. He didn’t like that. He wanted proper sentences, and you gave him emotion but no real problem. 

Joshua tossed and turned in his bed that night. What was your past? Why were you always suspicious of anyone who wanted to be your friend? Why were you always so guarded? 

He didn’t bother taking the time to look at the clock. Instead, he jumped out of bed and out of his room across the hall and pounded on your door until you opened it, glaring at him. 

“You could have woken up the entire fucking flat,” you hissed as you let him in. 

“Tell me,” Joshua breathed out, and you stared at him, confused. 

“Tell you what?” you asked.

“What happened in your past?” He asked as he sat on your bed, immediately getting comfortable under your blanket. 

“Didn’t you, just like, a few hours ago, oh, I don’t know, tell me to not wallow in my sadness and that I should get over it?” you mocked. 

Joshua sank, shaking his head for a second and holding his hand to you. “Sit. Tell me. Look, I was careless with my words. I just wanted you to stop feeling terrible. But instead of saying that or taking measures to ensure that, I lashed out. I don’t like seeing people sad, but I can be quite clueless when helping them out,” Joshua admitted. You nodded, sitting on the bed but not taking his hand to make a point. 

“I don’t know what it was about me, whether it was my hair, skin or whatever… Maybe I had a goofy smile? And I guess no one liked that? Maybe? I don’t know. All I know is that the kids in my school suddenly decided that I wasn’t worth being friends with,” you started out, struggling to keep your voice steady as you recalled your painful memories, opening old wounds that you had only wrapped in gauze, never adequately healing them. 

“All these students… they would never include me in games or let me sit at their table during lunch, so I’d play alone, eat alone. And then, one year, a group of guys thought it’d be great to act like I was so hideous that they’d cover their eyes for fear of being burned by my ugly face or something,” you mumbled. 

You noticed Joshua’s jaw clench out of the corner of your eyes.

“That went on for a year, the calling me ugly things, but the general feeling and act of being excluded from everything happened and continued until the last day of school. If I’m being honest, everyone just acted as if I inconvenienced them, so I carry that, Shua. I assume I’m always a burden no matter where I go.”

“I fucking hate that, but, and I ask this not to blame you, but out of genuine curiosity and concern, did no one know?” Joshua asked. 

You sighed. 

“Teachers weren’t blind. They knew, but if no one was physically attacking me, they kept their mouths shut. I told a counsellor, and her advice to me was that I should seek compassion for those who bully me because they’re probably victims of bullying themselves,” you scoffed, recalling the god-awful advice the counsellor gave you. 

“What about your parents?” Joshua asked, and you shook your head. 

“Never, no. I mean, I’m sure they guessed. I never had any birthday parties, but I didn’t want to tell them,” you mumbled. 

“Why?” Joshua asked, and you shrugged. 

“I felt stupid because everyone else in school could make friends; they could go a full day without being bullied or mocked or made fun of, and I couldn’t, and I didn’t want to burden them,” you admitted, letting out a muffled sob. 

“They’re your parents; they wouldn’t think you’re being a burden. You’re their daughter,” Joshua offered, and you shrugged. 

“I wore a skirt to a school disco once, and all the others could do was point out how funny I looked. Everything and anything I did in school, I felt like a hundred eyes watching me, waiting for me to fuck up,” you explained, taking a deep breath. 

“All through school, I lived like that, so forgive me for being cautious when a new guy—especially a guy like you—openly welcomes me as his friend,” you mumbled, making Joshua quirk his brows at you. 

“A guy like me?” Joshua asked.

“A hot and handsome guy. A guy like you would be the boyfriend of one of the pretty girls, someone like Nia. You’d be with her, and you two would give me sickly sweet smiles before laughing at me the minute my back was turned, and I – I guess I know you’re not that kind of a person, but when Nia snapped at me and used the fact you kissed me as an attack… it felt like that I was back in high school,” you admitted. 

“I see,” Joshua said before turning you around to face him. “I’m going to ask you something, and you need to be honest with me, okay?” Joshua asked. You nodded. “Did you think I was mocking you when I told Jeonghan we kissed?” he asked.

You nodded slowly. “I know you wouldn’t, but… I have a past where guys that looked like you and Jeonghan would mock me, and girls like Nia would get guys like you while I sat on the sidelines and watched,” you reasoned, and Joshua nodded. 

“You’ve survived a lot, and I’m sorry you even had to go through it in the first place, but please know one thing: I’m not going to ever hurt you like that,” Joshua said, kissing your hand softly. 

“I kissed you that night because I wanted to, not because I felt pity or anything. Girls like Nia… I don’t know what to make of that sentence, but I kissed you, not her. I find you beautiful, and I’ll gladly go blue in the face repeating it to you,” Joshua proclaimed, making you smile. 

“It’s not out of pity either. I wish you could see yourself the way I do one day,” he inched forward. 

“Can I?” He finally asked.

You nodded, your eyes fluttering shut as you felt his soft lips on yours. Moments later, Joshua pulled away and smiled at you. 

“You’re beautiful. And I hope you’ll understand that every time I kiss you, it’s not because I have an ulterior motive but because I want to.” 

You didn’t know how to respond, so you simply blushed and smiled at him, nodding. 

“Now cuddle me. I want to sleep, and I know you don’t have an assignment tomorrow, considering you messaged me saying freedom in capitals,” Joshua joked as he pulled you into his arms. 

You couldn’t help but melt at the fact that he remembered that little detail that would haunt you and make you overthink everything Joshua would ever do. 

~~

You had never slept next to a boy before. Let alone wake up with his arms wrapped around your waist and his leg thrown over yours. But here you were the following day – laying in Joshua’s vice-like embrace.ou moved slightly to get up, and you thought you were successful until you heard Joshua let out a soft moan. 

You froze. You were sure that was just a regular moan he would let out in his sleep until he moved his leg, and you felt his hardness against your inner thigh. You might have never felt the touch of another pair of lips on yours until a month ago, but you weren’t an idiot. You could tell an erection when you felt one. You knew Joshua was turned on. But then again, you recalled reading that sometimes men just get hard for no reason.

That was it, you thought to yourself. It wasn’t because he was attracted to you; it was simply because there was a concept known as ‘morning wood’, and Joshua was prominently exhibiting it. Still, you couldn’t help feeling butterflies in your stomach. You couldn’t help the arousal you felt start to pool in your panties. 

You were a virgin, not a moron; you knew what was happening to you. And you needed Joshua to leave as soon as possible so that you could take care of the problem he caused. 

“Joshua,” you mumbled, trying to move away from him, which only made him move against you more, allowing his length to brush against your inner thigh over and over. He was incredibly long, is what you gathered. Very well endowed. 

“Stop moving,” Joshua mumbled sleepily as he pulled you tighter to him, moving his hips again as his length brushed against you, this time dangerously close to your aching cunt. You knew you needed to stop him before it escalated, and he regretted it. 

“Shua!” you yelped, pinching him, making him groan as he jolted awake, glaring at you as you broke free from his embrace. 

“Woman, will you let me sleep?” Joshua complained, his morning voice doing nothing to ease the ache in your pussy. It was so husky and deep… You wanted that voice to wake up to every morning for the rest of your life. 

“Not until that goes away!” you blurted out, making Joshua look at you funny until he followed your gaze down to his cock–his very hard cock. 

“Oh fuck! Well… this is just a normal thing,” Joshua said, chuckling, and you knew you hated how that made you feel. You wished to be the reason to arouse him, but he chalked it up to biology. “If I’m not out of line in saying this, you would also cause a similar problem, and holding you in my arms like that last night…  felt nice. So I’m sure my body was showing its appreciation in ways I didn’t,” he explained further, making you look down at the duvet with a stupid smile adorning your face. 

“Joshua, if you need to take care of it, you should do it. I don’t know what to do,” you mumbled quickly, earning a nod from Joshua. 

“Wait, ever?” Joshua asked, hating how incredulity laced his voice. 

“No. You don’t need to sound so shocked,” you mumbled, feeling defensive. 

“I’m not; I’m sorry, it’s the ass crack of dawn, and my brain is barely functioning,” Joshua defended.

You rolled your eyes at him. “And yet your cock was nestled in my ass crack,” you teased, your eyes widening in horror when you realised what you said. 

“Did you like it?” Joshua suddenly asked; his demeanour changed as he leaned back against the wooden headboard, making you gulp. 

His erection was more prominent with this slight adjustment. 

“I asked you a question. Did you like my cock rubbing against you,” Joshua repeated, this time his eyes burning into yours, and you knew you couldn’t lie. 

“What am I meant to say? I’m human,” you replied lamely, hoping it’d give him enough of an answer for him just to drop it. 

“So, it turned you on?” Joshua asked instead. 

You glared at him. “Why do you want to know?” 

Joshua smiled at you, admitting, “Because to think you are turned on… it’s fucking hot,”  

You wanted to yell but bit your lip to avoid verbalising your thoughts. 

“It’s even hotter knowing that I’m the reason behind it,” he added, and you kept staring at the duvet. 

“You should go,” you said abruptly, making him look at you in confusion. 

Even you weren’t entirely sure why you said that. 

Well, you did know why you didn’t want to be intimate with him: for fear that he’d take one look at what you had to offer and be repulsed. You’d be led to believe so what would stop him?

“If I overstepped,” he started to say, and you shook your head and held your hand out to him. 

“You didn’t! Just go!” you rushed, getting off the bed, indicating to Joshua that he, too, should leave. 

“I’ll catch you later?” Joshua quietly offered, and you nodded, waving to him awkwardly as he walked out of your room.

You let out a breath you were holding after he left. 

You shook your head, cursing yourself for kicking him out, but you knew you did the right thing. Joshua, just like any other man, had eyes and would be disgusted once he saw what you hid under your clothes. 

~~

Later that day, you walked into your lecture hall, cursing, when you saw that the only empty seat left was the one next to Nia. You sighed as you moved to sit down next to her, and she hesitated for a second before moving her bag down to the floor allowing you to sit next to her. 

“Hey,” you mumbled. 

You weren’t entirely sure why you were trying to converse with her when she had been rude to you, but you didn’t have many friends. This meant you didn’t have very high standards or understand boundaries.

“Hi,” Nia replied. Her tone was clipped. 

You assumed it was because she didn’t want to be disruptive during a lecture. She gave you a tight-lipped smile before returning to the front of the screen. 

“Y/N, hold up,” Nia called after you as you started to walk out of the lecture theatre once the professor had dismissed everyone. “Thanks for ratting me out to Joshua, by the way,” she taunted, and your eyes widened. 

“Look, I’m sorry for what I said to you. That was really shit. But you ran to Joshua, who then told Jeonghan, and then Jeonghan took it upon himself to lecture me about being kind to one another for twenty minutes. Either way, I shouldn’t have said what I said, so this is my apologies. 

“We good?” Nia asked, and you nodded. 

Not understanding what boundaries meant and not having many friends made you realise that your bar for human decency could have been higher. They needed to be higher. You knew that what Nia said to you was barely an apology. It was more of an “I’m sorry you got offended” apology, a shallow apology usually reserved for celebrities and their notes app. 

“It’s fine, I’m sorry, it’s just that Joshua caught me crying that day, and I guess I ended up telling him everything,” you rambled, biting your tongue, realising that you should have done it sooner, for it would have prevented you from oversharing.

Your bond with Joshua was sacred; you didn’t want any other girl or anyone to come in between that. You knew it was selfish and childish, but he held your entire life in his hands, and he didn’t know it. 

“So, are you two close friends then?” Nia asked as you two walked down the hall to the quad. 

“Yes,” you confirmed. You were shy about most things, but not this. You were his friend, one of his closest. 

“Then, do you know if he’s currently got his eyes on anyone?” Nia asked, her tone lowering slightly and your eyes widening at her question. 

“Wait, what?” you asked, and Nia smiled at you, the kind of smile that reminded you of the girls in school who called you pretty – only to say that you were pretty ugly. 

“Oh, I’m just screwing with you. He’s hot, but don’t worry. I don’t need your advice to get him. Besides, he and I have already kissed once,” Nia casually stated, making your heart sink. 

“What? When?” you asked, your voice a mere whisper. 

“Oh, you know, the night you chickened out for the dare to get pecked by Joshua? Someone dared him to kiss me after you left, and he did. I have to say I wanted to know what else he could do with his mouth,” Nia chuckled, making you feel like your stomach was twisting. 

You needed to leave. 

You couldn’t hear this. 

“I have to rush back, but I’ll catch you later?” you rushed, and Nia smirked, nodding and sending you a sickly-sweet smile. 

You were beyond thankful that your feet still moved because your mind was starting to malfunction and short-circuit. 

Joshua kissed you after he kissed Nia. That meant it was a pity kiss. And not only that, you were so taken away by the sweet cherry taste on his lips. Now it hit you that the taste was not only cherry but also peach, and it wasn’t his lip balm. It was hers. 

Joshua had kissed you without even bothering to remove the evidence that he kissed Nia minutes ago. 

But it wasn’t his fault, you thought. You were so desperate to be loved and feel the intimacy – to feel a proper kiss, the kind of kisses your friends bragged about – that you didn’t care that your first proper kiss was not only a pity kiss but that you also tasted another woman’s lip balm with it. 

You felt so stupid. 

Joshua had lied to you about what the kiss meant and failed to tell you that he kissed Nia. But then again, he was under no obligation to tell you anything. Where his lips went was not your business. You weren’t his girlfriend. You were just his friend. 

“Y/N, keep storming around like that, and you’ll burn a hole into the rug,” Joshua joked, his voice interrupting your thoughts when you realised that while you were busy ripping yourself to shreds, you reached back to the dorms. “Oh, by the way, I got something I want to show you. Can I show you in your room?” he asked excitedly. 

You couldn’t help the jealousy, bitterness, and anger that overtook your following words. “Sure, but are you sure that you didn’t show Nia first and are putting on an act now, pretending to show me?” you spat at him, taking Joshua aback. 

“Run that by me again?” he asked, and you scoffed as you opened your room door. Joshua walked in behind you, making you glare at him. 

“You kissed Nia that night. The night you kissed me, the first night. You kissed her and then kissed me,” you mumbled, hating how vulnerable and weak you sounded at this moment.

Joshua kept going from being your safe space to a man who toyed with your feelings. 

“I, fuck, how did you find out?” he asked, running his hand over his face and letting out a deep exhale, and you stared at him. 

“You’re not going to deny it?” you asked, and Joshua shrugged. 

“I’m not going to lie to you,” he offered bluntly, making you scoff. 

“You had no problem lying to me that night,” you countered, and Joshua shook his head at you. 

“I didn’t lie. I omitted a fact. But yeah, you’re right. Why did this conversation even occur? What did Nia say, exactly?” 

You sighed at Joshua’s questions. “Doesn’t matter. The point is that you kissed me after you kissed her,” you mumbled.

Joshua frowned as he inched closer to you to place his hands on your face, making you look at him. “Why does that matter?” he asked so innocently that you felt like you couldn’t even be upset. 

But you were. “Because I was a consolation kiss! You might not see it that way, but I fucking do, Joshua! I do. And you know what? It fucking sucks to know that you only kissed me because you felt bad for me. You kissed me after kissing the pretty girl, too, to what? Show that you’re capable of charity?” you accused. 

Joshua groaned. “I get your past, and I get why it’s making you lash out in the ways it is, but you cannot compare everything I do to the people who fucked you over in the past! I’m not one of them,” Joshua defended, earning a dry laugh from you. 

“Really? Because you are sure as shit fucking me over like them. I don’t want you kissing me or saying lewd things when you get hard from cuddling me because you think it’s easy to fuck with my feelings. I might not have any experience with all this, Joshua, but I have plenty of experience with being hurt and fucked over. You’re not the one I expected it to come from, though,” you spat back. 

Joshua just sighed. “Look, come find me when you want to talk like an adult. But if every little piece of gossip sets you off like this, I cannot keep up,” Joshua announced as he stormed out of your room. 

It was only your room he left… so why did it feel like he walked out of your life and broke your heart with the door as it slammed shut behind him?

~~

You didn’t talk to Joshua for two weeks. 

You’d bump into him often. How could you not? He stayed across from you, and it was hard to avoid your neighbour. Except it seemed like he would go out of his way to ignore you and express his disdain for you. 

At first, you assumed you were being dramatic, just like Joshua would call you dramatic. Maybe he, too, realised he wanted nothing to do with you, just like everyone else. 

“Penny, for your thoughts?” the guy suddenly asked you one day when you returned from your lecture. 

“You’re talking to me now?” you asked, puzzled. Joshua smiled, nodding. 

“I thought I wasn’t enough of an adult?” you snapped, making Joshua wince as you unlocked your door. 

However, he still followed you inside your room, making you narrow your eyes at him. 

“I didn’t realise I invited you in?” you asked, and he frowned, looking down at his feet. 

“I know I did something shitty to you, and it’s even worse because I wasn’t an adult myself. Hell, I stormed out of your room,” Joshua admitted, chuckling, and you sighed deeply at him. 

“I know I was too much. I just have a past,” you mumbled, and Joshua nodded. 

“I’m not trying to negate it, Y/N, but at some point you need to move past it. You have a clean slate to do whatever you want; why don’t you take advantage of that?” Joshua offered, and you nodded at him. 

“I know, and I get it. But with my past, Shua, I just – I let it haunt me so much that I end up struggling to believe that anyone could ever like me for me,” you admitted, and Joshua frowned as he moved to stand in front of you, his tall frame dwarfing you. 

“I’m so sorry that I was not more understanding. Truly, I am. I should have been, fuck. I just let my immaturity get the best of me,” Joshua apologised, and you shook your head at him. 

“We’re both learning. You have no reason to apologise to me. I’m serious. You don’t,” you admitted, and Joshua smiled softly at you as he wrapped you in a tight embrace. 

“How about we blow off steam at the party that Jeonghan’s flat is hosting?” Joshua offered. 

“I don’t know, the last party did nothing but cause drama, or rather, I overreacted,” you mumbled softly, making Joshua shake his head at you. 

“Your reactions are valid. Please don’t let me or anyone take that away from you,” Joshua comforted you, making you smile softly at him. 

“So, what’s the occasion of this party?” you asked, and Joshua shrugged. 

“I honestly don’t know, and I quote Jeonghan on this: who needs a reason? A party is a party,” Joshua chuckled, making you smile along with him. “Come on, go get ready, and we can go!” Joshua cheered, making you smile at him. “Look, we’re going to have ups and downs in our friendships. Isn’t that normal? But I promise I’ll keep the dramatic storming out of rooms to a minimum,” he joked, making you nod at him. 

“What should I wear?” you asked, making Joshua grin.

“Whatever you feel comfortable in,” he answered, making you swoon at his answer. 

It was a simple statement, but he never pressured you to look a certain way. But you still let your demons get the best of you. 

Was the reason why he didn’t deem it necessary to tell you to wear something nice that, regardless of what you wore, he’d never consider you attractive, so it didn’t matter?

“I can hear you overthinking. I’m saying wear something comfortable because it’s a flat party, not because I think you can’t pull off something else. I know you can. Hell, if you want to wear a dress and heels tonight, I support it, but I know you won’t be comfortable in it, not at a house party,” Joshua rationalised, calming the demons in your mind and making you nod and smile at him. 

“Sorry,” you gave him a sheepish smile, and Joshua shook his head at you. 

“Stop apologising for how you feel,” he said as he moved to open your wardrobe. 

“Oh, what about this? It’s sparkly?” Joshua beamed as he handed you a sparkly green top. 

You bought it on a whim once; it was what all the pretty girls in the magazines wore, it was what all the cute girls wore, and you just thought that if you wore that, you too would be pretty. 

“It’s stunning, and I think it’d make you sparkle and look like a mermaid,” Joshua laughed. 

“Mermaids are attractive?” You asked, taking the green top from him. 

“Listen, Ariel is fucking hot,” he declared, making you laugh. 

“She nearly gave up everything for a guy. A guy who she knew nothing about, and all because he was handsome,” you mumbled. 

“Not a Little Mermaid Fan?” Joshua asked, and you shook your head. 

“Not a fan of how much she gave up for him,” you mumbled, and he nodded, sensing that if he didn’t divert your attention somewhere else, this conversation would take a very gloomy turn.

“To be fair, and I’m just assuming here, it wouldn’t be easy to sustain a relationship with a damn fish,” Joshua said knowingly, making you laugh. 

“Okay, get out, you fish expert. I need to get ready,” you joked, pushing Joshua towards your door, and he nodded. 

“Be ready in about thirty minutes?” Joshua offered, and you nodded. 

~~

You were done with your shower, and as you walked out, you almost liked what you saw in the mirror. 

Almost. 

You wore the sparkly green top, paired it with black jeans, and wore your stripped Converse. You dusted a light wash of makeup on your face and some mascara on it then reached for the peach-flavoured gloss and dabbed your lips with a small amount before smiling in the mirror. 

“Ready?” You heard Joshua yelling obnoxiously outside your door, making you cringe at him. 

“You’re insufferable,” you giggled as you opened the door, laughing at him. 

Your laughter stuck in your throat when you took in Joshua’s appearance. 

“Take a picture. It’ll last longer,” Joshua giggled, making you glare at him. 

“You look good, okay,” you huffed, making Joshua smile. 

“Likewise. Shall we go? Jeonghan’s been texting me. Oh, by the way, Nia will be there,” Joshua said, his voice softening as he spoke her name. 

“Shua, I can manage. She might have just been having a bad day. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s fine. It’s all in the past,” you said, not meaning it entirely, but Joshua was right. You couldn’t live your entire life crying at every upsetting situation. 

“If she steps out of line, I’ll put her back in place, I promise,” Joshua added, and you smirked at him. 

“Kinky,” you joked before slapping a hand over your mouth, your eyes widening in shock at what you said. 

“Oh, do you want to find out?” Joshua teased, making you look down shyly. 

“Come on, Jeonghan is waiting,” you said shyly as you dragged him across the hall to flat 2B. 

You didn’t see it then, and how you wish you did because your words lit a fire of envy in Joshua, one he could not douse and one that ended up ruining the night. 

~~

The house party was going quite well, there were no silly dares and no bitchy comments, but you couldn’t place your finger on Joshua’s behaviour. The entire night, he was distant and standoffish with you. 

Hell, he was chatting with Nia for a fair bit, but you chalked it up to the fact that you were a chronic over-thinker and that Joshua didn’t necessarily mean to do what he did with the intent of hurting you. 

“I like your top, by the way,” Jeonghan said rather loudly and drunkenly, and you smiled, thanking him. 

“Oh, thank you. Actually, Joshua helped pick it out,” you answered, and you saw Joshua smile warmly at you. He was about to respond when Nia spoke before him instead. 

“Why? You can’t choose your outfits or something?” Nia mocked, earning a couple of chuckles from what you could only guess were her minions. 

“I…” you mumbled, lost. 

Joshua was about to speak, but something stopped him. That something was Jeonghan, who shot daggers at Nia, making her roll her eyes. 

“Anyways, I was promised games, and all we’ve done is drink and make small talk,” Nia complained, and Jeonghan nodded slowly. 

“Get the cards then, and we can start playing,” Jeonghan said as he turned to face you. 

“You look beautiful, don’t listen to her. She has this bitchy persona, but she’s actually nice. Just got to get past the ice-cold persona,” Jeonghan mumbled to you. 

You smiled at him before noticing how Joshua smiled at Nia and whatever she whispered. 

Didn’t he say he’d set Nia straight if she spoke out of turn? So why didn’t he? 

“Alright, we’re just playing snap but with dares and forfeits if you don’t do your dare,” Nia explained once one of her friends brought her a deck of cards to her. 

It was quite an easy game, and the night was progressing smoothly. Nia hadn’t made a single snide comment, and thankfully, your speed made you avoid some stupid dares. 

“Oh! Joshua, you lost that round. You have to complete a dare!” One of Nia’s friends squealed, making you wince. 

“Ugh, I knew it. What do I have to do?” Joshua asked, smiling. You felt your heart starting to pound in your chest. 

“Make out with Nia. I know you guys only kissed, but this time, a proper make out,” Nia’s friend suggested, making your heart fall into your stomach with her suggestion. 

Surely, he wouldn’t say yes. 

“Sure, why not?” Joshua chuckled as he turned to face Nia, who shot you a smirk before meeting to place her lips on his, earning a few wolf whistles and cheers from the others in the room as they kissed. 

They fit together. It made sense. She knew what to do. You didn’t. 

You could feel your eyes burn with tears and knew you had to leave. You couldn’t watch this. You couldn’t keep watching this. 

You got up to leave but got up so hastily that you failed to notice that your glittery top got snagged by the edge of the table. The tear was barely noticeable, but the scrape of your chair against the floor was loud and got everyone’s attention, including Nia who smirked at you. 

“See, this is why you should dress for your body, not just based on trends. I guess that the rip was the universe’s way of letting you know that the shirt needed to be let out a bit,” Nia said with a straight face, her voice devoid of emotion, but her words were laced with venom. 

The venom that you could feel was starting to move in your body and to your heart and brain, making you hate everything about your body and yourself more than usual. 

Nia’s vile comments finally made Joshua snap as he pulled away from her and stood up. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He shouted at Nia as she shrugged. 

“She looked silly in that top. Is that why you picked it up, Shua? Because you couldn’t resist, knowing how stupid she would look in that?” Nia added, smirking. Her words were slurred, so you knew not to believe her, or at least that’s what you told yourself. 

But then again, doesn’t a drunken mind speak sober thoughts?

“Y/N!” Joshua called out as you turned your back to everyone and tried to leave. 

You took a deep breath before turning to him. “I’m fine, just tired,” you mumbled before exiting the flat. 

~~

After the flat party, you returned to your room, and you stood in front of your mirror in your underwear after a shower. 

You stared hard; you could see every dent, mark, and scar on your body. 

You weren’t chubby, far from it, but you weren’t a size two. 

You had curves, which came at the cost of more stretch marks. 

You had long, wavy hair that never seemed to cooperate with you. 

Nia was right; you didn’t look good. 

You were so immersed in picking yourself apart that you failed to notice Joshua walk in and wrap his arms around your waist.

“I’m so fucking sorry,” he mumbled into your bare skin, and you could feel his toned arms under the flimsy fabric of your bra. 

“For what? She’s just telling the truth. She’s the kind of flawless I wish I could be,” you mumbled, squinting at the reflection. 

You hated what you looked like. You sighed deeply before removing Joshua’s arms around you. 

“I fucked up. I said I’d defend you, and I didn’t,” Joshua mumbled, and you sighed, sitting on your bed. 

Joshua sat down, kneeling, making you look into his big eyes shining with unshed tears. 

“Why the fuck are you the one about to cry? I’m the one that got body-shammed in front of everyone. You got the pretty girl, and you got to even kiss her!”

“I’m about to cry because I have been spouting this loyalty bullshit from day one, and when it came to you, I just let it go. And I guess it’s because you dropped my hand when I was being suggestive and ran off to find Jeonghan instead,” Joshua grumbled, and you scoffed at him. 

“That’s such a pathetic reason. I only ran off like that because, you know, I’m uncomfortable with sexual innuendos and jokes. I’ve never experienced anything, so how can I pursue a conversation further?” You questioned.

Joshua just frowned as he looked to the ground. 

“I didn’t,” you started to say and moved to kneel until you were on your knees, sitting in front of Joshua. “I didn’t run because I wanted to get cosy with Jeonghan. But I’ll say he was a better friend than you were tonight,” you finished and stood up, grabbing an oversized shirt off your chair, pulling it over your body, and moving to Joshua. 

“I was seeing red, and like a fucking dick, I said nothing. I didn’t pick that top for you because I wanted to mock you. I picked it because you looked lovely in it. It fits you like a glove,” Joshua spoke, and you scoffed at him. 

“Are you sure I didn’t look like a stuffed turkey instead?” you mocked, and Joshua shook his head. 

“I don’t know what Nia’s deal is—I don’t fucking know—but you didn’t look silly in the outfit. It’s your body; you wear what you want. You looked lovely, my angel,” Joshua smiled as he spoke, and you quirked your brows at him. 

“My angel?” you echoed, and Joshua blushed slightly. 

“I give nicknames,” he mumbled.

“Oh,” you mumbled.

“Only to the ones I love,” he replied, making your heart swoon. 

You knew you already had it wrong for Joshua, but his saying made you swoon more. You felt safe, and you knew that you were falling for him.

“I didn’t look stupid in the green top?” you asked again, and Joshua smiled, turning to face you. 

“No, you didn’t. Fuck Nia and her stupid ass opinions,” Joshua huffed, hoping it’d make you laugh, but somehow it failed. 

“Wasn’t that your aim tonight? To fuck her. I mean, I gathered that was the aim because you leapt at the chance to kiss her,” you spat at Joshua, who shrank at the accusation. 

“I just… fuck, I screwed up. I told you that I got mad, and I fucked up. I fucking did. I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Joshua mumbled, and you sighed. 

“It hurt to watch that,” you voiced, and Joshua nodded. 

“Did, uh, did you want to kiss me instead?” Joshua asked, and your eyes widened. 

“Is this some sort of stupid game you play where you kiss Nia first and then come back and give me a pity kiss? Because if it is, I want nothing to do with it,” you said as you tried to get up, only to have Joshua pull you back onto his lap, glaring at you. 

“It’s not. Fuck, do you not realise that I had kissed you before, which wasn’t a fucking pity kiss? Two, I got hard for you. And now I want to kiss you because you looked amazing at that party, but you look even better in this stupid shirt that I kind of want to rip you off!” Joshua exclaimed, making your eyes widen. 

“Oh,” you said, unsure of how to respond.

Joshua rolled his eyes at you. “Yeah, oh,” he huffed, making you giggle. 

You didn’t know where you felt a surge of confidence rush into your blood, but you did, and as it did, the words tumbled out of your mouth sooner than you could stop them. 

“Then kiss me,” you whispered out. 

Okay, maybe you weren’t that confident, but you said the words, and you knew Joshua heard them because his grip around your waist tightened. 

Joshua didn’t say anything. He simply pulled you in closer until your lips met his. You ignored the taste of cherry lip gloss on his lips and instead tried to enjoy his taste, but you couldn’t. You eventually sighed into the kiss as you pulled away. 

“Did I do something?” Joshua asked, and you shook your head. 

“I just… I keep tasting Nia’s stupid cherry lip gloss on your lips, and it’s killing the mood,” you admitted, making Joshua sigh as he used his shirt to wipe his lips. 

“Try again,” he encouraged, and so you did. 

This time, you could taste him; the cherry flavour was an aftertaste, but one you could swallow because you liked him too much to care. 

As the kiss progressed, Joshua’s grip on your waist only got tighter, and you kept moving against his hips, making him groan into the kiss. He was so big and thick that you could feel yourself grow wetter each minute. 

“Wait, stop,” he mumbled against your lips, his grip still tight on your waist because he knew you’d run away the second he told you to stop. “Where does all this leave us? The slight dry-humping, the kisses?” he asked, and you smiled at him. 

You wanted to tell him you liked and wanted to date him, but you didn’t want to scare him off. So, you decided to choose an option that would only hurt you. 

But if that was the only way you could ever have Joshua, so be it.

“How about we just keep it casual?” You said, trying to sound nonchalant and unbothered, and Joshua nodded. 

“I agree,” Joshua replied, not leaving room for an explanation as his lips were back on yours instantly, making you moan into the kiss. 

Casual it is.

~~

Over the next three weeks, you learnt what casual meant. It meant still being friends with Joshua and having your usual movie nights with him. And then sometimes you’d end up on his lap, kissing him. 

A week after the casual arrangement began, you found yourself bare-chested and at the mercy of Joshua’s lips and hands running all over your breasts while you palm his hard length over his boxers. 

In the second week of understanding what casual meant, you found yourself clenching around his long fingers as they moved inside of you. You didn’t entirely realise how it happened. Still, it felt so good that you didn’t want to stop it. You were riding the wave of euphoria for as long as you could, and you couldn’t see it crashing anytime soon. You had also given your first blowjob. It was glorious watching Joshua fall apart under your touch. It was a sight you wanted to be tattooed in your brain. 

During the third week of understanding the word casual, you felt pleasure you only thought was confined to porn and smutty fanfiction, but when you two stumbled back drunkenly after a night out, you couldn’t control your hormones. 

You wanted him. 

“Joshuaie!” you slurred slightly as he helped you back to your room. 

It was a Friday night, and you had too much to drink. As a result, you ended up stumbling a bit, but you weren’t drunk, far from it. But you also had a pep to your step, one that did not help you walk. 

“Sit,” Joshua ordered as he helped you sit on your bed. 

His tone was slightly cold, and you immediately felt like he had poured cold water all over you. With one word, you sobered up immediately and let out a sniffle. 

“I’m sorry I ruined your night out. I’ll be fine. You can go back and enjoy yourself,” you mumbled as you kicked your shoes off and scurried under your covers.

Joshua sighed as he walked into your ensuite bathroom, grabbed your makeup wipes, returned to you, and sat on your bed. 

“Sit up,” he said, his tone softer this time, his kind eyes sparkling with endearment. 

“You didn’t ruin my night, none of it. Fuck, I just got annoyed. A few guys made some shitty comments about you, and I wanted to punch them,” Joshua explained as you sat up, and he moved to wipe the makeup off your face gently. 

“Oh, they probably said I looked hideous; no need to get mad at that, nothing I’m not used to,” you admitted, letting out a sad chuckle. 

“Is that what you fucking think?” Joshua asked, and you shrugged, at which he sighed, kicking off his shoes.

You shrugged. “Is it not?” 

Joshua shook his head. “Fuck, they couldn’t stop talking about all the sexual things they wanted to do to you, and I wanted to just punch them. No man should ever talk about a woman like that. It’s so stupid,” Joshua huffed out, making you smile. 

“Well, at least I was being complimented,” you sassed back, spilling out of your bed as you drunkenly stumbled into your bathroom and stepped into your shower, the alcohol making you forget Joshua’s presence in the room.

Thankfully, you always kept an oversized shirt in the bathroom, which you changed into before stepping out of the shower and walking back into the room. 

“The things those guys were saying weren’t complimentary. They were sexist and disgusting hell. If it were me…” Joshua trailed off when you joined him on your bed. 

“What would you say, huh?” you asked, and Joshua smiled as he inched closer to you. 

“I’d do more than speak,” he answered. 

The atmosphere in the room suddenly changed; it was now filled with want and desire, and you decided to bask in the glory and be bolder. 

“Show me then,” you mumbled. 

“You’ve been drinking,” Joshua mumbled, and you shrugged. 

“Your point? I’m buzzed, but I can consent. I can count to ten backwards if you want,” you joked.

Joshua smiled as he stood up, making you stand up with him. He pulled the curtains over your window so that the only thing illuminating the room was your table light. Joshua moved to pull the leather jacket off his body and tossed it on your desk before pulling you into a soft kiss. 

“God, I’ve wanted to do this since I saw you tonight,” he admitted, making you smile. “Can I take this off?” he asked, and you hesitated for a second, then nodded. 

“Just know that… I don’t look like a model underneath,” you mumbled suddenly. Even though Joshua had been intimate with you before, you still felt insecure every time. 

“I’m glad you don’t. You’re beautiful. So fucking beautiful,” Joshua praised you as he pulled the fabric off your body, leaving you naked. 

He walked you backwards until the backs of your knees touched his bed. He gently pushed you down, and you moved back on the bed as he crawled between your legs. He placed his lips on yours. You moaned into the kiss, and Joshua slipped his tongue into your mouth, deepening it. He pulled away gently just to look at you.

“Can I touch you?” Joshua asked, and you nodded slowly. 

He smiled as he placed his lips on yours again, kissing you again, and then moved his mouth to your breasts.

“Fucking hell, these tits. You have no idea how many times I’ve wanted to suck and bite them.” 

You moaned as he squeezed your breasts, his fingertips rubbing your nipples. 

“Each time you were in a low-cut top, I wanted nothing more than to bring you into a room and take your tits in my mouth.” 

You squeezed your thighs as Joshua’s words did nothing but torment your aching cunt. 

He moved a hand down your body. “You’re so fucking gorgeous,” he said as he moved to lay down between your legs. 

He pushed your legs apart, and his tongue found your cunt. He placed several kisses on your cunt, each kiss making you buck into his mouth. He wrapped an arm around your waist.

“Easy, princess, I’m going to take good care of you.” You nodded as he ran his tongue along your folds, moaning as he tasted you. He circled his tongue around your entrance as he pushed his long and thick tongue inside you. 

“Fuck, Joshua,” you cried out, tugging on his hair. 

He growled into your cunt when you tugged on his hair, the vibrations making you shake. He pulled his mouth away from you and pushed two fingers inside you. He stood on his knees and stared at you directly as he hooked his fingers inside you, his other hand pressing down on your stomach.

“Hold still, princess; I will make you scream my name.” 

You nodded, and Joshua started moving his hand up and down vigorously. You could hear just how wet you were getting. 

“Come on, princess, I can hear how fucking wet you are. Wouldn’t it be nice if you just squirted all over my hand?” 

You arched your back as Joshua kept fingering you. 

“Pretty girl, I can hear you squirt for me. I can make you squirt again, don’t worry.” 

You kept whimpering until something inside you snapped, and you felt your vision fade as you came hard. You felt yourself squirt all over Joshua’s fingers. He pulled his fingers out of you and sucked on them. 

“God, you’re so fucking sweet,” Joshua moaned, praising you. You felt a bolt of confidence surge as you got onto your knees. “You don’t have to?” he assured, but you shook your head at him.

“I want to. Will you let me?” 

You reached forward and wrapped your mouth around his length. Well, as much as you could, your hands made up for what your mouth couldn’t. You ran your tongue along his length until you fixated your mouth around his tip. You kept sucking his tip, and your hands reached down to play with his balls. Joshua bucked in your mouth as you kept sucking his tip. 

“Fucking hell.” 

You smirked. Catching Joshua off guard was the only way to get him to submit to you. 

“Fuck, baby, if you keep doing that, I’m going to cum!” 

You kept bobbing your head up and down his length until you felt him still in your mouth and felt his warmth release down your throat. You pulled away, slowly swallowing his release and giving his sensitive tip a final lick. 

“Fuck, get over here,” Joshua moaned as he pulled you into his arms for a sweet kiss. 

You giggled into his chest as he cuddled you, making him nudge you. “What’s on your mind?” 

“You’re perfect,” you said. No mumbling, nothing. You said it confidently. 

“No one’s perfect,” Joshua countered, “plus, you’re only saying that because of the amazing orgasm I just gave you,” Joshua joked, making you groan and sit up. 

“No, you are! You’re so fucking perfect, just you are. I’ll explain someday; right now, it’s fuzzy, but you’re the closest thing to perfection,” you mumbled as you laid back down and curled into Joshua’s embrace. 

“Fuck, I’m going to miss you over winter break,” Joshua spoke, and you nodded. 

“Only three weeks, nothing’s going to change. I’ll still be here,” you said, touching his lips and making him smile into the kiss. 

~~

 The thing about bold statements is that they often come with uncertainty and pain should things not pan out the way you want. Which is precisely what happened to you. 

You said in three weeks nothing would change, but you were wrong because you told yourself that when you were high off the orgasms and falling in love with Joshua, your love only grew stronger every second. 

“Y/N!” Joshua exclaimed when he found you at the café. You were waiting patiently for him. It was the first week back from winter break, and Joshua finally texted to meet up. 

You agreed. You also decided that you wanted to confess to him, to tell him you liked him. 

“Joshua!” You greeted cheerfully as the tall boy hugged you tightly. 

How do you get more handsome every day? 

It was true; Joshua was getting increasingly handsome each day, and you weren’t entirely sure if it was good for your heart. 

“So, what’s up?” he asked once you two sat down in a booth, and he smiled, noticing you ordered his favourite drink for him. 

“Uh, winter break was good. I spent time with family, and uh, Joshua, I have to tell you something,” you started, and he nodded. 

“Me too!” Joshua exclaimed, and you smiled, thinking that maybe you and him were on the same page. Perhaps he liked you the way you liked him. 

“Really?” you asked. “Okay, you first,” you said, and Joshua grinned. 

As he was about to speak, a pair of long, slender arms wrapped around his chest, and a kiss was placed on his cheek. 

You felt your heart shatter into a million pieces – all stabbing you at the same time. 

“Baby, I missed you!” 

You looked to see Nia slide into the booth next to Joshua, making you feel nauseous. You felt like a fucking fool. 

Why would Joshua ever reciprocate what you felt for him? Why would he ever want you when he had a girl like Nia?

“Babe, you’re early. I haven’t told her yet,” Joshua mumbled, apologetic as he awkwardly smiled at you. Nia shrugged. 

“You two are dating?” you asked, and Joshua nodded. 

“We met when I went back home, Nia’s from the same town, and we hung out, and you know, over the last three weeks, she made me the happiest I’ve ever been,” Joshua said, and you could feel your eyes starting to sting with tears. 

“Wait, baby, they just called my order. Be right back,” Nia said, kissing Joshua’s cheek as she waltzed away. 

“I know you’re not her biggest fan, but I promise she’s kind, loving and sweet when you dig past the cold persona. I wanted to tell you, but I also didn’t know how. We weren’t really together or anything, you know?” Joshua mumbled, and that did it for you. 

He never even saw what you two shared as unique. You were nothing to him. 

“Does she make you happy?” You asked, and Joshua nodded, smiling. 

“Then I hope she knows that her side gets her the most amazing man, but if she hurts you,” you started to say, and Joshua shook his head. 

“She won’t!” he said excitedly, and you nodded, knowing that your ‘I’ll hurt her if she hurts you’ speech would be wasted on him.

“Then, go be happy, Joshua, that’s all I want,” you said as you gathered your things. You had to leave this café. You’d fall apart if you stayed any longer. 

“Wait, you said you have something to tell me?” Joshua asked, and you shook your head. 

“I got to go. Another time.” 

You rushed, hurrying out of the café and back to your dorm room, where you cried into your pillow. You cried until you couldn’t cry anymore, then you cried some more. You cried until you couldn’t feel anymore. You cried yourself to sleep, knowing that the boy you loved was never going to be yours. 

You would have to see them, Joshua and Nia. You’d have to see her with him, and it’d hurt because she had everything you had to live without. 

~~

Joshua tried to balance, but he was failing. He would flake on meetings with you and study sessions or hangouts, which started getting on your nerves. You brought it up to him one night during a movie night. 

“Stop making plans if you keep flaking,” you mumbled, and you saw Joshua glare at you. 

“It’s not out of malice. Forget it; you won’t get it,” Joshua dismissed.

“Why wouldn’t I get it?” You asked, and he sighed. 

“You’re not dating anyone. You’ve never been in a relationship either, so I guess you wouldn’t get it,” he mumbled, and you scoffed at him. 

“I don’t have to be doing either of those things to call you out on being a shit friend,” you retorted, making Joshua scoff. 

“You only just made friends, so please don’t act like you have any authority on what friends are meant to do either,” Joshua fired back, making your eyes well up with tears. 

“That’s so mean,” you choked out. 

Joshua groaned. “Oh, for the love of God, I can’t be at your beck and call! I have a life! I’m sorry you don’t, but I do! Why don’t you go out to make some friends? I won’t be able to be there for you all the time, not when someone needs me more, and she’s a priority,” Joshua said. 

His words felt like daggers, slicing you open, drawing blood, but all you felt were tears stinging your eyes. 

“I’m going. You’re right, I should make more friends. Also, I never asked to be a priority, Joshua, but I didn’t expect you to make me an afterthought… But I get it now, you don’t need me,” you explained, tears running down your face as you hurriedly grabbed your bag and stormed out of his room and back to yours. 

He didn’t come after you this time when he made you cry. This time, you were alone. 

And this time, you knew he was not yours. Not anymore. 

~~~

Three Months Later 

You weren’t entirely sure what you were doing at this party; none of the people here were your friends, but you decided to go out because another girl from your dorm, Mai, invited you out. You chose to go since Joshua painfully pointed out how few friends you had and that you should go out and make some. 

You weren’t entirely sure these were the types of friends you wanted to make. You weren’t judging them, but they were just different. They were more outgoing, the type to get wasted and hook up with each other. You judged none of it, but it just wasn’t you. 

“Yo, Y/N, have a shot of this,” Mai said, rushing over to you and handing you a shot glass of clear liquid. “It’ll loosen you up a bit. You’re so wound up,” she moaned, and you sighed, taking a shot of the drink. 

It burnt your throat, but it couldn’t compare to the pain you felt every time you thought of Joshua. 

“Good, have another,” Mai said, handing you another shot, and you did the same thing, downing the clear liquid, shot after shot, until you were four shots in, your mind hazy, and you stopped thinking. 

Instead, you soon found yourself on the dance floor, grinding against some guy. You forgot his name but didn’t care, not when his kisses distracted you from Joshua. And certainly not later when you were back in your room that night, he was down on his knees trying his best to please you. 

“Babe, if you don’t want to, we don’t have to,” he spoke, and you looked at him, his chin wet with your arousal. 

“Kyung,” you drawled; his name finally popped into your mind. “I do. I just don’t have protection,” you mumbled. 

“Oh, is that it? I do,” Kyung said, fishing out a condom from his back pocket, making you smile in amusement. 

You weren’t going to lose your virginity to Joshua. He made it clear that he didn’t see you as someone he’d prioritise, plus he had a girlfriend. 

“Just go slow,” you told Kyung as you pulled your dress off. 

You didn’t care what you looked like anymore. You didn’t. If Kyung could make you feel wanted, you’d do anything to feel that. 

You wanted to know what it felt like to be desired, even if Joshua wasn’t the one to do it. 

~~

You woke up to Kyung gently snoring next to you until you nudged him awake the following day. 

“Hey, oh, are you okay? Any pain, any regrets?” Kyung asked sweetly, and you shook your head. 

“No… Thanks for last night,” you mumbled, and Kyung smiled as he slowly got out of bed. 

“Look, I would stay, but I also don’t think your head is in it because you can tell when someone doesn’t like you, but don’t worry! I’m not mad,” Kyung explained. 

“Kyung, I’m sorry,” you mumbled as he got dressed and shook his head. “It was a hookup, no hard feelings, right?” you asked, and Kyung nodded, smiling at you. 

“Chill, we’re good. But you know, if you ever see me around and you want to repeat what happened last night, I wouldn’t be opposed to it. But if you never want to acknowledge me again, that’s also okay,” Kyung explained, making you smile. 

“I’ll at least say hello,” you joked, making Kyung laugh. 

“See you around, Y/N,” Kyung said as he left your room. You sat in bed and slowly got out later to shower, your legs aching with a good ache. 

It felt nice last night to feel wanted. You felt utterly rejected by Joshua, and you wanted to feel needed, and if doing things like you did last night made you feel the slightest bit wanted, then you’d do it over and over again. 

So, you did. 

You continued it. Going out, getting drunk, hooking up with someone random, and each time, you felt more complete seeing how they drooled when they saw you naked. You enjoyed every moment.

Each hookup was your attempt at filling the Joshua-sized hole in your heart, and though it wasn’t entirely practical, it was enough. It was enough to numb your pain. 

You continued this pattern for so long that you lost track, lost track of how many people you slept with. You just were chasing something permanent in something fleeting. 

~~

You hadn’t spoken to Joshua in two years.

Well, here and there, awkward hellos, but he’d become a ghost to you since he started dating Nia. You pulled away too because you couldn’t be around him, not when you felt your heart break a little more every time you saw him. 

You hadn’t spoken to Joshua in so long, until today, in the final term of your last year of university. You had just returned to the dorms and were unpacking your things after going home for the winter break when you heard a knock on your door.

“Come in, it’s open,” you called out, and your eyes widened when they landed on Joshua’s scowling figure. “Well, hello to you too,” you huffed out. 

You had gained more confidence in the two years but felt every bit of it ebb away when you saw Joshua again. Because when you saw him, you were always the broken-hearted girl who cried over the fact that she could never have him. 

“What the hell are you doing with your life?” He asked, making you stare at him in confusion. 

“Excuse me?” 

“Don’t act stupid with me. What are you doing, hooking up with someone new almost every week? Do you know that this gossip followed me back home?” Joshua accused you, making you scoff. 

“Why do you care? You already made it painfully clear that I was not a priority anymore, so why do you care what I’m doing?” you demanded, and Joshua scoffed. 

“Well, if everyone I know is starting to call you a slut, then I care,” Joshua fired back, making you scoff again. 

“Do you think that?” you asked, and Joshua sighed. 

“If the shoe fits,” he mumbled, and you rolled your eyes at him. 

“That day in the café, I wanted to tell you I liked you,” you started to say as you unpacked your belongings. “I started falling for you, Joshua. The minute you made me feel seen, kissed me, and the three weeks we spent fooling around, I fell more and more. I thought you felt the same,” you said, pausing to breathe. 

“But you didn’t, and I had a Joshua-shaped hole in my heart,” you finished, and Joshua stared at you with wide eyes. 

“All that to say, I make no apologies for how I choose to fix that hole in my heart, and I make no apologies for how I choose to fix what you broke,” you responded. 

“Did you just quote Meredith Grey to me?” Joshua asked, making you roll your eyes at him. 

“Shut up, she had great lines,” you bit back. 

“I’m just saying you’re getting a reputation, and you know people won’t respect you as much,” Joshua babbled, making you scoff at him. 

“I couldn’t give less of a fuck. I’m trying to forget you,” you lied as tears started to pool in your eyes. “I don’t care about the respect of hundreds of people who don’t know me, but I do care about the respect you have for me,” you asked.

Joshua stayed silent, feet planted on the ground. 

“I’ve gotten my answer, thank you,” you replied, and Joshua sighed. 

“You keep this up. You’ll lose everyone,” Joshua retorted, making you roll your eyes at him. 

“I only ever had you, and I lost you the day you started dating Nia, so I think I’m good,” you said, swallowing the lump in your throat. 

“Fine, be that fucking way,” Joshua scowled as he stormed out of your room, slamming the door on his way out, making the hole in your heart grow with every step he took.

~~

“Y/N!” 

You left bed one night when you heard someone yell your name. Startled, you ran to the front door, confused when you saw Jeonghan. 

“Joshua’s in my room, and he’s crying. He needs you,” Jeonghan huffed, and you rolled your eyes at him. 

“No, he doesn’t, he hasn’t for so long. Tell him to go run to Nia,” you spat out, and Jeonghan sighed, running his hand through his blond hair. It was tousled and messy. You guessed that he had just gotten out of bed. 

“Nia is the reason he’s crying, so I can assure you, he does not need her,” Jeonghan deadpanned, making your heart sink. Joshua and Nia had problems? 

“Just go to him, preferably before he drenches my bedsheets with his tears,” Jeonghan rushed, and you sighed, following him across the hall to Jeonghan’s room, where you saw the man you were deeply in love with curled into a ball crying. 

“Joshua?” you said softly, and you only heard a whimper from him in response. 

“Go, I’ll be in the kitchen,” Jeonghan said, pushing you into the room, and you cautiously approached the crying man. 

“She cheated,” Joshua blubbered out, and your heart sank. 

You could only see red. How could she? She had your entire world in her hands and crushed it in one thoughtless moment. 

“I’m going to fucking kill her,” you spat out, and Joshua shook his head. 

“No, just hold me. I don’t want ever to hear her name again,” Joshua begged, and you sighed, giving in to let Joshua cuddle you. 

“I deserved this. I said such shitty things to you. No wonder I’m in this predicament now,” Joshua sighed, and you rolled your eyes. 

“Shut up. You said shitty things. It doesn’t mean you deserved this; no one does; I’m so sorry,” you said, hugging him tighter, earning a soft sigh from him. 

“Y/N, I haven’t been a good friend at all, and I’m going to be one of those douchebags who’s going to ask you to be there for me now because I need you, but I promise this time I won’t hurt you, not again,” Joshua admitted sitting up slightly wiping his eyes. 

“I…” you hesitated and sighed when you saw hurt flash across his handsome features. “Of course I will,” you said, making Joshua smile. 

Of course, you would because you held onto hope. Not that you ever wanted Joshua to get hurt, but he could finally be yours after the hurt passed. 

~~

Joshua was true to his word. Things went back to how they were, you two being the best of buds, no benefits, but still, he was your friend, warming your heart up. This time, it would be fine. 

“You look nice,” Joshua commented as he walked into your room, his hands automatically moving to adjust the zipper you were fiddling with. “There, all done,” he beamed at you. “You look beautiful,” Joshua commented again as he took in your emerald, green floor-length cocktail gown. 

You had just finished getting ready for the final year gala. You smiled at Joshua, and your eyes widened as you took in his appearance. 

“You look just as handsome. Any girl would be lucky to have you,” you suggested, biting your lip when you saw how his expression fell. 

“Let’s not mention that, please?” he asked. 

“She who shall not be named?” you offered with a smile, and Joshua nodded. 

“Yeah, she who shall not be named.” He smiled as you two walked out to your room and the ballroom. 

“Shall we, our final gala as soon-to-be university grads?” Joshua asked, holding his arm to you, and you smiled at him. 

~~

You and Joshua enjoyed the gala. For the most part, there was no drama, just a few odd questions about if you and Joshua were dating, but he quickly shot them down. By the night’s end, you were tipsy enough to spill the words brewing on your tongue for the entire night. 

You still loved him, and tonight, you’d tell him uninterrupted. 

~~

“Okay, what was so important that you needed to drag my ass out here and watch yourself! You’re going to fall over!” Joshua giggled as he wrapped his arm around your waist, making you smile shyly at him. 

This was it; this was the moment you’d tell him everything you felt for him. You’d say to him right here that you loved him. 

“Okay, sit,” you declared to Joshua, who only chuckled and then groaned when you pushed him down onto the icy-cold brick walls that adorned your campus. The décor of your campus made it look like a castle, and at this moment, you felt like you were maybe just in a fairytale. 

Joshua was the prince, and you were the wide-eyed princess about to confess to him. 

“Okay, now shut up and listen,” you giggled, making Joshua laugh. 

“I’ve legit said nothing. The floor is all yours, my love,” Joshua smiled as he spoke, and you melted. That smile would be the death of you. That’s all you knew. 

“So, this year, I felt we became so close. I mean, you were my first friend here, hell, you were probably my first friend here, and I know the last two weeks with your breakup, it wasn’t exactly kind on you. However, you could keep a straight face and smile through whatever pain you tried to hide. Inspired me,” you admitted. You saw Joshua’s smile, and you flashed him a smile before you continued to ramble. 

“I also remember, the night after that awful party, I told you to come and help me out, and you did, and I remember just drunkenly mumbling apologies to you. I think that was the first time I expressed my gratitude for you. You’ve made me a better person, Joshua,” you professed, struggling to look him in the eyes as you poured your heart out.

“I’m not going to lie. Because of the alcohol, I can’t. Honestly, thanks to the alcohol, I can’t remember much of what I said, but I remember you smiling and saying thank you, so I guess I must have said something right!” You drunkenly continued your monologue, making Joshua nod at you. 

“Now,” you said slowly as you stumbled to sit down next to him. 

“I’m going to bring this up quick. The way you shut down when you and Nia broke up. It broke me. I hate the fucking fact that she failed to see how wonderful of a man she lost, but that’s her loss, not yours; I hated that you doubted yourself so much,” you babbled as you placed your hand on his, which made him look up at you. 

“That being said, you inspired me even in your darkest hours. You were able to finally pull yourself out of that shitty headspace, evaluate it, and then reason. It’s something that I admire in you a lot and a trait I wish I also possessed. When I visited you the night, you found out about Nia’s unfaithfulness. I saw it was a different side to you. I no longer saw you as Joshua, the guy who always kept a straight face and never expressed emotions other than happiness and anger,” you explained, pausing to breathe. 

“I saw a guy who was hurt, vulnerable, sensitive, but a guy who was honestly just emotionally drained. That night, I guess, would be the pivotal moment of our friendship because I saw you not only being happy and cheery but also having a different and more sensitive side of yourself,” you smiled as the words tumbled. 

“Y/N, you’re going to make me cry if you continue,” Joshua mumbled, and you knew he wasn’t lying, especially with the way his voice was thick with emotion. You shrugged as you moved to sit down next to him. 

“Okay, turn, face me,” you slurred slightly, making Joshua laugh at you as he turned to face you. 

“How can I help you?” Joshua asked, and you grinned at him. 

“Well, now it’s Joshua appreciation time!” you yelled in his face, making him laugh as he slightly cringed at the volume of your voice before nodding, allowing you to speak. 

“Well, first, I’m jealous of you!” You exclaimed, making Joshua look at you funnily, “why?” Joshua asked, his voice small. 

“You make everything so effortless, good grades, good friends. I know you put effort into everything you do, but you make it look so easy. I’m jealous of that,” you admitted, making Joshua blush as he smiled at the ground. 

“Now, you remember how I said if I could use one word to describe you, it’d be perfect, well I still maintain that and let me break it down for you because I know you’re going to give me the bullshit that no one’s perfect, but listen up Hannah Montana, you are!” You declared, making Joshua laugh. 

“Look, you’re a fantastic friend. Wait for not a perfect friend. You are excellent at giving advice. You are also extremely trustworthy! If I’m ever questioning or hesitant about anything, I can always count on you to give me the correct answer!” You rambled, pausing to take a breath before continuing.

“Jokes apart, speaking presently, I know this month hasn’t been too kind on you! I won’t dwell on the girl who shall not be named. I know how she broke you into two. Still, I hope you know that you fucking deserve better than her. She lost a good thing, and that’s on her to regret for the rest of her life, not you. You’re going to meet the perfect girl because you’re the perfect guy,” you breathed out, smiling at Joshua, who was now smiling softly at you. 

“I know that sometimes you feel that it’s safer not to show your emotions, but as I said, you’re human. You’re entitled to feel and have every right to express them. I know you might find it much easier to ignore them and not deal with them, but sometimes, it’s not too bad to deal with them. All I want to say is that Joshua, if you ever need anything, a hug, a chocolate bar or a lame joke to cheer you up! Then I’m here! You’re one of my closest friends, and I never want to see you upset!” You exclaimed, pausing to take another breath. 

“I love you, Joshua, and before I sort of end this obnoxiously long confession, I want to say that I know you felt that sometimes you weren’t good enough. I want to remind you that you are! You’re good enough, better, and stronger than you give yourself credit for! Thank you for letting me be part of your life,” you exhaled, taking a breath before continuing. 

“So all that being said, I guess I’m trying to say something else too,” you mumbled suddenly, feeling your confidence drain out of your body, and Joshua nodded to you.

“What would that be?” Joshua asked, placing his hand on yours. You smiled at him as you decided to leap of faith and inch closer to him. 

“I…” you gulped before moving closer. You decided kissing him would be easier than telling him you were head over heels in love with him. 

You were about to place your lips on his when you heard her voice, 

“Shua, what did you want to talk to me about?” Nia called out, and you looked at Joshua with hurt and betrayal filling your chest. 

You got up and stumbled as you tried to move as far away as possible from him. 

You could bear your soul to him. You could tell him that you’d take a bullet for him, and you’d still never be enough for him. You’d never be the girl for him. You’d never be her. 

“Y/N, stop!” Joshua yelled out, and you shook your head at him. 

“No, nothing; I just wanted to tell you you were great. I need to, uh, go. You go get your girl,” you mumbled, your voice betraying you as it cracked, and you could feel hot tears start to run down your face. 

You tripped as you tried to run back to the dorms. You were never going to be the one for him. 

You weren’t her.

~~

You’d never be her. That’s all you knew as you cried yourself to sleep tonight, 

Joshua didn’t come to check in on you either that night, but you knew where he was. Balls deep in Nia, or so you could only guess from the moans you could hear across the halls. He was back with her.

You cried yourself to sleep that night, like most nights, but tonight, you’d stay away from him; he was not yours, and his heart would never be yours. 

You barely spoke to Joshua after that night of the final gala. You found out later that he had gotten back together with Nia that night, and so you decided that you’d forget it. Forget him, and heal. 

Divider: Five Years Later

Over the years, you thought you had healed, and you wouldn’t think about him every second, and you thought you were fine until your high school reunion. 

~~

“Joshua, you’re strong now,” you moaned as Joshua carried you into your hotel room. 

Frankly, you weren’t sure how you got here. You had shown up for a university reunion, and you and Joshua picked up from where you left off. It was as if nothing had ever changed. 

However, seven drinks in, Joshua started getting flirtier, and you reciprocated his every advance until you were in this exact position, his arms around your waist, waiting to fuck you. You hoped he wouldn’t pinch you at this moment because if it were a dream, you didn’t want to wake up. 

“You know what I want to do?” He whispered hotly in your ear, making you shiver in his embrace. “I’m going to finger you, lick you and fuck you till you’re trembling and begging to cum, and even then, I won’t let you cum. I’ll cum inside you and leave you tied to this bed. Your clit throbbing and you’ll be begging for me to let you cum, but I’ll leave you here filled with my cum.”

You whimpered at his words; your pussy ached for his touch. You nodded meekly at him. 

Joshua slowly undressed you. He hissed when he saw your swollen pussy lips. He moaned at the scent of your arousal and traced a finger from your clit to your entrance. Gathering the arousal he collected from that simple touch, he put his finger in his mouth and sucked and moaned in approval. 

“You taste so good for me, pretty girl.” 

He stood up and slid off his clothes, his tanned and toned body, his hard cock long and thick. He climbed back onto the bed and hovered over you. 

He placed his hands on your chest, massaging your breasts, making you moan. You didn’t wear a bra, so he felt your nipples harden and groaned in approval. 

He slid your top up, exposed your breasts, took one nipple in his mouth and began to suck gently. He then picked up his pace and started to bite and tug at your hardened nipples. 

You tried so hard to keep your mouth shut, but his mouth felt so good. You let out a soft moan. This didn’t go undetected by him. He slapped your now exposed clit. Your hips thrust up in response. 

His mouth left your chest, and he moved his mouth to your dripping cunt. He started kissing your inner thighs, darting his tongue out and licking every part of you except your aching cunt. 

You tried to move in an attempt to get his mouth onto your pussy. He slapped your clit again, except this time, he followed it up by inserting his long finger inside your pussy. You tried to suppress a moan, but it was too much, and you needed him to fuck you senseless. 

“Baby girl, I see that you just don’t want to listen,” he said as he inserted another digit. He curled his fingers upright against your g-spot and started moving his wrist up and down. “So make all the noise you want, but you cannot cum.” 

He continued his relentless pace and assault on your pussy. He leaned his head down and finally put his tongue on your clit, and you thought you were going to cum right then and there. 

His tongue flicked at your clit, before he enclosed his mouth on it, and you lost it. You couldn’t control it, and you came undone on his tongue and fingers. Joshua growled at your release but didn’t ease up on his movements and kept sucking at your now over-sensitive clit.

He removed his mouth from your pussy, but he didn’t ease up with his fingers. He added a third digit and fucked you until you squirted onto his hands. It wasn’t long before the overstimulation turned into pleasure, and you found yourself cumming on his tongue. 

You didn’t know how he could make you come undone so quickly and easily. You were shaking and trembling, tears of pleasure rolling down your face. 

You couldn’t even coherently mumble out a word or move. You felt so good, and your pussy was still throbbing, and yet you ached for more. 

Without letting you get more than a minute to recover, Joshua pushed his length inside you. He let out a growl and proceeded to fuck you, setting a relentless pace. He fucked you hard and fast, his thick cock hitting the right spots each time. He pulled out of you, and you moaned at the loss of contact.

He pushed himself into your dripping and aching pussy. At this point, he was just chasing his release. You finally used your arms to hold onto his broad shoulders as he fucked you into the sheets, your legs wrapped around his waist, allowing him to go deeper. 

He was close. You could tell by the way his thrusts got more uneven. To tease him further, you clenched your pussy around his cock. 

Oh, he was pissed. 

“Baby girl, is that hard for you to listen?” His hand went to your neck, gently choking you, and he continued fucking you. The breath play only made you reach your high again, and he wasn’t far off either.

He came inside your pussy and stayed still for a little bit. Then pulled out gently, not letting his cum spill out. He moved his body down yours until his mouth reached yours again and stuck his tongue into your cunt and lapped at it until you came again, and he cleaned his cum out from you. 

Swallowing, he moved up and pulled you into his arms, and you both lay on the bed. 

“How are you, baby? I hope it wasn’t too much for you.”

“Was so good.” You were still basking in the afterglow of your session. 

~~

You woke up later that night feeling rather hungry. 

Sex does that, you assumed. You noticed Joshua was awake and scrolling through his phone. 

“Hey, do you want to grab a bite or something? I’m starving,” you asked, and Joshua sighed, taking a sip of the water you left by the bedside. 

“This was a hookup, Y/N; please don’t read into it,” Joshua answered bluntly, and you stood up and walked to find his clothes and threw them at him. 

“It was a fucking question, Joshua!” you yelled. 

“I know not to hope with you anymore, but I can’t help if my heart doesn’t want to listen. But tonight, you showed me that you’re done, so I want you out,” you snarled, and Joshua nodded, getting dressed quickly and walking out of your door and crushing your heart again. 

~~

But that night was long gone, and so was he. 

~~

You noticed a heavily decorated envelope sitting on your desk later that evening. You must have collected the mail and not bothered sorting through it. You opened the envelope and held your breath when you saw an invite to Joshua’s wedding. 

Joshua weds Yuri the card read, and for once, you felt pain, but unlike the past, it felt dull. It didn’t feel like you were being stabbed in the heart. 

You RSVPed as soon as possible. You wanted to go. 

So, you did. You watched the ceremony, and the happy couple exchanged their vows, and you approached Joshua to talk outside after the reception. 

“I need to talk to you. I didn’t invite you to hurt you. I invited you because you’re a friend,” he started to say, and you nodded. 

“Then, as a friend, I need you to listen to me one last time,” you pleaded. 

Joshua nodded as he sat down on the bench outside the castle, his actions reminiscent of the time you confessed to him, but this time, it’d be different because you were different. Everything was different now. 

“Look, thank you for being so brave throughout the wedding. I know it couldn’t have been easy,” Joshua started to say.

You had to take a deep breath to not scoff at his words. Did he still think you were in love with him after all these years?

Truthfully, you will always love him. He was your first love. How could you ever forget him? How could you forget the nights when he’d pleasure you and look at you like you were the only one in the world? But more importantly, how could you forget the nights when he held you while you cried, wiped away every tear and kissed away every insecurity? How could you forget the boy who made you feel beautiful for the first time? 

But most importantly, how could you ever be the boy who kept breaking your heart repeatedly, and yet you kept forgiving him because you hoped that one day he’d wake up and realise that he loved you too? 

But it was too late for all of that. 

You were standing at his wedding, well outside the chapel, and you watched the entire night as Joshua exchanged his vows with someone who was not you. Your eyes moved to his left hand and zeroed in on the gold band that adorned his long finger, his ring finger. The finger that he’d always leave empty when he wore jewellery because he said he was saving it for someone special, and tonight, he finally found that someone special. 

You could never forget Joshua. But it had been ten years, and now you could look at him with a mixture of feelings, hurt, regret, and a multitude of negative emotions. But tonight, what consumed you wasn’t all bad. You also felt free. 

Tonight, Joshua gave his word to be with Yuri for the rest of his life and vowed never to leave her, and all while doing that, you felt the shackles of being bound to him loosening. 

“I was about to confess to you after graduation seven years ago. I wanted to tell you that I loved you. Not that I think I needed to, I was babbling away how perfect you were, but then she came, and I felt like no matter what I did, there would never be a right time to tell you I love you,” you sighed, smiling at him. 

“Over the years, I took it as a sign from the universe; maybe it protected me because the universe knew you’d never love me back, not how I did. After that hookup at the hotel, I said we should grab a bite. The first thing you said to me was that I shouldn’t mistake a hookup for feelings and that Joshua was when I realised that there would be no universe where you’d be mine,” you explained, making Joshua’s expression harden. 

“This is my wedding night; I do not need to hear you say something shitty to me on what is the happiest day of my life,” he started to say, raising his voice, and you sighed, sitting down next to him. 

“Let me finish,” you said, and Joshua pouted before nodding. “I’m not blaming you, Joshua. Yes, did we do stupid things that made me overthink and convince myself I had a chance, even if it was a glimmer of hope? Sure. But, all you ever were to me was a friend; you were my best friend, and you carried out your duties as a friend,” you explained, placing a hand on his, making him look at you. 

“I fell in love with you, Joshua, but that’s not on you. I fell for the tall, gangly boy I met when I was 18, putting you on a pedestal and myself on the back burner. But tonight… Watching you getting married and exchanging your vows didn’t hurt the way I expected it to. It felt liberating,” you continued, making Joshua sigh as he withdrew his hand from you. 

“We grew apart a lot, and it helped. It helped me think of you less, and over time, I guess I stopped being in love with you. And tonight, something clicked,” you said, turning to Joshua, who had an unreadable expression. 

“What was that?” Joshua asked. 

“I fell out of love with you, Joshua. I’ll always care for you, and hell, I’ll always love you, but Joshua, I’m no longer in love with you,” you admitted. 

It was true. 

Ten years ago, you tied an invisible string and pulled Joshua into your heart, where he stayed for ten years. He broke your heart so many times. Still, you kept him in there, holding onto hope. But tonight, when he said, “I do”, you felt that string lose its strength, inevitably weighed down and frayed over the last ten years, and tonight, it didn’t snap. It just—like your love—let go. 

You let go of Joshua, and in turn, you set yourself free. Free from the ‘what ifs’, the nights where you’d cry into your pillow, wishing you were in his arms at night, but you weren’t awake. You laid awake at night thinking of him for so many years, and you felt like you could finally let go tonight. 

“You will always have a special place in my heart, but how I loved you was dangerous and harmful. I put you above everyone and myself. I lost myself loving you, and I lost myself trying to be the girl you could love. But over the years and growing up, I realised that sometimes, it’s just not meant to be. And fuck, ten years ago, or even five years ago, that sentiment, the meant-to-be bullshit, would fuck me off, but tonight, I get it,” you explained, feeling tears of relief pool in your eyes. 

“I loved you deeply and immensely, but it didn’t work out, and that’s fine because I learned one thing, I’m capable of loving, and one day, I know I’ll get that love back, the kind of love I had for you, undying and unyielding,” you finished off looking at Joshua who smiled sadly at you. 

“When did you grow up so much?” Joshua chuckled, his voice thick with emotion. 

You smiled at him and shrugged.

“Time heals everything, Joshua. I want the best for you. I do. I want you to have the most amazing married life. Never break her heart. Never go to bed mad at each other. Always tell each other you love each other,” you babbled until you felt a tug on your hand, making you look at Joshua. 

“I couldn’t force myself to love you the way you loved me, and I won’t say I’m sorry for that, but I’m sorry for hurting you, seeking comfort in you for my selfish needs. You’re so special to me. You were my first friend in university; we have a history, and I want us to maintain that friendship. I want us to grow old as friends and laugh about this memory while we bitch about how annoying our spouses can be,” Joshua said, making you laugh. 

It was an honest laugh. It wasn’t forced. It was real. You were healing. 

“I’ll take you up on that, but tonight, I’m setting myself free, and you, Joshua, congratulations,” you said, standing up and holding out your arms for a hug. 

Joshua smiled softly at you as he pulled you into a hug, and you felt like your broken parts were being squished tightly together and being fixed, but you didn’t need to be fixed. 

You just needed to heal. 

~~

You kicked off your heels as you entered your apartment later that night, smiling. You didn’t feel broken or upset; you felt free.

Your eyes zeroed in on the notice board in your living room, where you had put up pictures of special people in your life. 

You looked at the one you had of Joshua. You took it one night, probably in your first year of university when you started falling in love with him. But it was just him. All the other photos you had with your friends were selfies of you and your friend. Only Joshua was solo, in a way; you kept it that way for so long because, for so long, you held on to the hope that he would one day love you back, and then you could stick a couple’s selfie there. 

You smiled at his photo. 

Taking a deep breath, you leaned forward, pulled his photo off your notice board, and replaced it with the Polaroid from the wedding. It was one the happy couple sent out to everyone. 

You smiled at the photo in your hand. Joshua would always be that story you could tell ten years later, but tonight, for the first time in a long while, you could sleep without agonising over the ‘what ifs.’ You locked away Joshua’s picture in a drawer where you knew you couldn’t find it even if you tried. 

You smiled again at the photo of him and Yuri as you turned around and got ready to sleep. For the first time in a long time, as you lay in bed that night, you didn’t punish yourself, thinking you weren’t enough, assuming you missed every moment. You went to bed knowing that you had a great love. It just wasn’t a perfect love story.

But it was okay.

And you would be, too.  

[thestrongestkikufuku]

those eyes

⟢ synposis - ⟡⋆˙ bound to a powerful curse, you are forced to carry a blindfold at all times. but satoru gojo is persistent, curious on what you truly look like beneath it and he always gets his way.

⟢ contents - ⟡⋆˙ satoru gojo x f!reader, suggestive themes, timeskips, au, mutual pining, friends to lovers, kissing, gojo getting touchy-feely, FLUFF, crack, slight angst, gojo being needy, desperate and FLIRTY, gojo simping in 4k

⟢ word count - ⟡⋆˙ 9.6k

⟢ note - ⟡⋆˙ gaaaaah, this was so fun to write!! but it became so long i apologize for that 😭 the idea of reader having a blindfold is actually inspired by jingliu from hsr! there's so much more i could write about this whole idea, but as y'all can see this is already long as hell, so i was thinking maybe having little parts that i post here and there that are connected to this specific fic, like a mini series? but they would be much shorter and wouldn't be jumping around through time as much. let me know if that sounds any interesting and if there's any specific situations you would like to see! :) anyway, enough with my yappin. i hope y'all enjoy! happy reading (⸝⸝ᵕᴗᵕ⸝⸝)

⟢ m.list - ⟡⋆˙

“So,” Gojo began casually. “What do you think she looks like without that thing?” He leaned back against the tree, his curiosity piqued as he watched you from afar.

Geto glanced over, following Gojo’s gaze. 

“Do you think she’s hiding something crazy under there?” Gojo continued. “Like, maybe she’s got lizard eyes or something?”

“Lizard eyes?” Geto chuckled, shaking his head. “Come on, Satoru, that’s a bit far-fetched, don’t you think?”

“You never know!” Gojo insisted, flashing his friend a toothy grin. “Come on, you’re telling me that you’re not even a little bit curious?”

Geto couldn’t help but chuckle once more at Gojo’s persistence. “Alright, alright, I admit it’s intriguing. But lizard eyes? Really?”

Gojo shrugged, his grin widening. “Hey, you never know what secrets people are hiding. Maybe she’s an undercover reptilian.”

“Satoru, I think you might be watching too many conspiracy documentaries.”

“Nah, I just have a keen eye for mystery,” Gojo replied with a vague wave of his hand, his gaze still fixed on you. “I mean, wouldn’t you want to know what’s behind that blindfold? It’s like unwrapping a surprise gift.”

“Or like poking a sleeping bear,” Geto teased. “You might not like what you find.”

Gojo laughed, adjusting the sunglasses perched on the bridge of his nose. “Oh, I’m willing to take that risk. For science, of course.”

“For science?” Geto echoed, quirking a brow at his friend. “You sure it’s not because you… I don’t know… Like her?”

Gojo’s laughter faltered slightly at Geto's teasing remark, but he quickly regained his composure, flashing a playful smirk.

“Like her? Come on, Suguru, don’t be ridiculous,” Gojo replied with a dismissive wave of his hand. “I’m just genuinely curious. It’s a mystery waiting to be unraveled.”

Geto raised an eyebrow, unconvinced. “Uh-huh, sure. Keep telling yourself that, Satoru.”

“I think she’s very beautiful,” Shoko chimes in all of the sudden, appearing behind them with a small, knowing smile playing on her face.

Both Gojo and Geto turned to her, their expressions a mix of surprise and curiosity.

“You’ve seen her eyes?” Gojo asked eagerly, stepping closer to Shoko.

Shoko scoffed. “No, doofus. But anyone with eyes can tell that she’d be beautiful without the cover,” the brunette rolled her eyes at their eagerness. “You’re both relentless, you know that? Obsessing over how she looks.”

“Not me. Satoru is,” a knowing smirk forms on Geto’s lips. “Besides, he has a secret crush on her so he’s dying to know.”

Gojo’s face flushes slightly, and he lets out an indignant scoff. “That’s a lie, and you know it, Suguru.”

Geto raises an eyebrow, his smirk only growing wider. “Oh, really? Then why do you keep asking about her and stealing glances at her whenever you think no one’s looking?”

Gojo sputters, clearly caught off guard by Geto’s observation. “That— that’s…”

Shoko interjects with a playful nudge at Gojo’s shoulder. “Looks like Suguru’s got you all figured out, Satoru. Face it, you’re interested in her.”

Gojo sighs in resignation, running a hand through his messy hair. “Fine, I admit it—I’m curious about her. There, I said it. But it’s not like I have a ‘crush’ or anything like that.”

Geto rolls his eyes, an amused look on his face. “Right, and I suppose the heart eyes you make whenever she’s within a few meters of you are just a figment of our imagination.”

Gojo shoots a glare at Geto, trying to keep his composure. “I do not make ‘heart eyes’. You’re just seeing things, Suguru.”

Geto grins mischievously, clearly enjoying teasing his friend. “Oh, really? Because if I remember correctly, I saw you nearly trip over your own feet the other day when she simply passed by.”

“That was—it was an accident, okay?! I was distracted, that’s all.”

“Distracted, huh? By what, I wonder?” Geto chuckles. “Could it be a certain blindfolded girl who’s living rent-free in your head?”

Gojo sighed dramatically, throwing his hands up in defeat. “Alright, fine, you got me. Maybe I think about her a bit more than usual. But who wouldn’t be curious about what’s behind that stupid blindfold? It’s like having a real-life mystery box!”

Shoko chuckled softly, shaking her head. “You’re hopeless, Satoru.”

“Hopeless romantic, more like it.” Geto added.

Gojo rolled his eyes, but a playful glint was evident in them. “Oh ha-ha. Very funny.”

As they continued their banter, Gojo couldn’t help but sneak another glance in your direction, his curiosity about the mystery behind your blindfold reignited despite his protests.

Shoko and Geto exchanged another look, knowing that their friend was slowly but surely coming to terms with his feelings. It was just a matter of time before Satoru Gojo, the strongest sorcerer, would have to confront his most daunting opponent yet—a crush.

—

Shoko leaned back against the couch, her gaze flickering between you and Gojo. Geto sat beside her, quietly sipping his drink as they both observed Gojo’s persistent attempts to coax you into revealing your eyes.

“He’s at it again.”

Geto chuckled as he watched Gojo fuss over you. “That idiot never learns, does he?” he said amusedly. “He’s been pestering her for the past thirty minutes.”

Shoko snickered, her eyes twinkling with amusement. “Oh, but she’s not exactly putting a stop to him either,” she remarked playfully. “I wonder why that could be.”

Geto turned to Shoko, raising an eyebrow. “You think she’s enjoying the attention?”

Shoko shrugged, a sly smile playing at the corners of her lips. “Who knows? She seems to be indulging him, at least,” she said. “And Satoru is absolutely smitten. It’s kind of entertaining to watch.”

From across the room, they watched as Gojo, finally relenting, at least for now. The boy slumped down next to you, wearing a dejected expression. Despite his disappointment, you remained unphased, your demeanor unchanged despite his persistent efforts.

Shoko and Geto exchanged meaningful glances, silently acknowledging the love that was slowly blossoming between the two of you.

—

Gojo silently walks alongside you as you make your way towards your dormitory. He stole occasional glances at you, his eyes tracing the contours of your face, the way your blindfold concealed and yet revealed so much about you. He felt a strong urge to reach out, to touch the fabric that covered your eyes, to remove it and see more of you.

“Do you usually stare that much?”

Gojo's heart skipped a beat as he realized you had caught him staring. A light blush spread across his face, but he quickly composed himself and responded with a nonchalant tone.

“Me? Staring? No, not at all. Just admiring the scenery…”

“My eyes may be covered, but that doesn’t mean I can’t sense your staring,” you replied in a rather monotone voice.

Gojo chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his head. “Right, sorry about that. I guess I got caught up in my thoughts.”

He tried to come up with a witty response to play it off, but his mind was a jumbled mess. Being this close to you was affecting him more than he liked to admit.

The walk to your dorm felt both too short and too long, filled with unspoken words and unexplored possibilities. Gojo found himself wanting to know more. He knew the reasons why you always wore the blindfold, the weight of the curse you carried, laying dormant but ever threatening, lurking within the recesses of your mind.

Gojo couldn’t deny the fascination you stirred within him. But it wasn’t just your abilities or the complexities of your curse that intrigued him—it was you. 

Why have you taken over his mind completely? It all started with the mystery of your covered eyes, but now he found himself inexplicably drawn deeper. And Gojo knew that he could no longer ignore the truth—he was undeniably and irreversibly in love with you.

“Well, this is me…” you murmured softly. “Thank you for walking me back.”

Your words snapped him out of his thoughts, his heart sank a little as you both reached the door leading to your room. He didn’t want to say goodbye just yet but he knew he had to eventually.

“Yeah, no problem,” he murmured. He hesitated for a moment, then noticed how the edge of your blindfold had shifted slightly, the fabric not quite covering your left eye completely. “Your blindfold,” he began, his voice barely audible, “it’s slipping.”

“Oh, is it?” You raise a hand to adjust it. 

Gojo took a step closer, his hand trembling slightly as he reached out, his fingers stopping just short of your skin. 

“Here, let me…” His voice trailed off, his resolve faltering momentarily.

Tentatively, he reached further, his fingers slightly trembling as he gently touched the edge of the blindfold. His breath caught in his throat as he felt the softness of the fabric against his skin, a tangible barrier between him and the mystery of your eyes.

For a fleeting moment, the urge to pull the blindfold down, to uncover the secrets hidden beneath, was almost overwhelming. He longed to see the color of your eyes, to witness the emotions they held, to connect with you on a level beyond words. But as quickly as the impulse surged within him, Gojo restrained himself. He slowly pulled the fabric up, gently adjusting it.

His touch lingered there for a moment longer before he hesitantly trailed his fingers to trace the outline of your eyes, then down the bottom of your blindfold, daring himself to explore further. His hand brushed against your cheek, and suddenly, he was hyper-aware of your proximity. He could feel your breath on his face, sending a shiver down his spine.

His gaze flickered up to your face, studying your expression through the blindfold, attempting to gauge your reaction. Swallowing nervously, his fingers continued to explore your features, his touch gentle yet firm. His thumb brushed across your lower lip, his thoughts wandered, imagining how your lips would feel under his touch, how it would be to lean in and kiss you. The rush of adrenaline intensified, and he found himself yearning for more.

“Satoru,” you murmured, your breath catching in your throat. “What are you doing?”

Gojo’s fingers freeze in place, and he quickly retracts his hand, his face flushing red. He hadn’t meant to go so far. 

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly. “I, uh… got carried away…”

“It’s… It’s okay…”

Gojo let out a nervous chuckle, the sound coming out strained as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know what came over me. I just... I got lost in the moment.”

He paused for a moment, the silence between you filled with tension.

You swallowed thickly before turning away from him, grabbing the doorknob tightly. “I... I should get going now…”

Gojo nods, sighing softly. “Yeah, you’re right.”

He takes a deliberate step back, giving you some space, his movements awkward and uncertain.

“Goodnight, [name].”

“Goodnight, Satoru…”

—

Later that night, you found yourself tossing and turning, unable to find solace in sleep despite the exhaustion from your recent mission. But you knew exactly why...

It was because of Gojo.

The brief, unexpected contact when he delicately traced his fingers along your face lingered in your mind. The sensation of his touch seemed to leave an imprint, causing your skin to tingle and a warmth to spread through you, even hours after the encounter. His touch had awakened a dormant longing within you, stirring emotions that you had buried deep within your heart. A flush spreads across your face at the thought of him. 

As you lay in the darkness, your thoughts spun in circles, replaying the scene over and over again. You wondered if he felt the same, if he, too, was haunted by the memory of that touch.

Meanwhile, Gojo lay in bed, his mind swirling with thoughts of you. The memory of your face, the sensation of your skin under his fingertips, lingered vividly in his thoughts.

Sleep eluded him. Each time he closed his eyes, images of your face greeted him, accompanied by the echo of your voice replaying in his mind.

Restlessly, he tossed and turned, his heart racing as he grappled with his thoughts and emotions. He thought of your smile, your laugh, and the way you said his name. Each memory sent a shiver down his spine, haunting him with its sweetness. He wondered if you were as restless as he was. Did you lie awake, replaying the moment you had shared? He knew it was unlikely, but the thought persisted, refusing to release its hold on his mind.

Turning onto his back, he stared up at the ceiling. The room’s silence felt suffocating, amplifying his persistent thoughts. He pondered what it would be like to hold you close, to feel your body pressed against his, to hear the rhythmic beat of your heart...

Gojo’s thoughts swiftly shifted from innocent to something more intimate. He imagined trailing kisses along your jawline, down your neck, leaving a trail of lingering warmth in his wake.

A wave of heat washed over him, desire coiling in the pit of his stomach.

He knew he should get rid of these thoughts, stop fantasizing about the sensation of your body against his own. But the more he attempted to push them away, the stronger they became. He lays there, tormented by his own longing, aware that these desires could never be fulfilled.

With a groan he swiftly got out of bed, pulling a hoodie over his t-shirt, before leaving his room. 

Arriving at the kitchen, he paused at the doorway, his breath catching in his throat. There you were, standing by the counter, quietly preparing tea. Your hair flowed gracefully down your shoulders. And, as always, your signature blindfold was neatly in place over your eyes.

“Couldn’t sleep either?” You called out, your back still turned toward him.

Gojo snapped out of his trance, suddenly aware that he had been caught staring.

“Y-Yeah,” he murmured, his voice slightly shaky.

He found himself moving deeper into the kitchen, his footsteps making soft echoes against the tile floor. Leaning against the counter beside you, he stole occasional glances at your profile. Even though your eyes were concealed behind your blindfold, he sensed the tension and restlessness within you.

His gaze followed the movement of your lips as you drank your tea, captivated by the way they curved around the cup’s rim. He found himself drawn to you, unable to look away.

Swallowing hard, he tried to steady his thoughts and emotions. “Why couldn’t you sleep?” 

“Thinking too much, I suppose…” Your voice was soft and tentative, reflecting your reluctance to share.

Nodding in understanding, Gojo empathized with your struggle. Earlier that night, he too had been lost in a storm of thoughts, emotions, and desires.

Fidgeting with the edge of the counter, his fingers tracing its cool surface. “About anything in particular?” he asked gently.

“Just everything…” Your reply was hesitant, tinged with vulnerability.

Gojo nodded again, the feeling of sadness and guilt washing over him at the weariness in your voice. He sensed the weight of your thoughts, the burden keeping you from finding rest. He longed to comfort you, to wrap you in his arms and soothe your worries. But he held back, knowing it wasn’t his place.

His eyes followed the movement of your hands as you adjusted your blindfold, watching you gaze down at your cup.

The silence in the kitchen was deafening, filled with unspoken words and tension. Gojo stole another glance at you, his eyes tracing the curve of your jaw, down your neck, and lingering on your collarbone. His fingers twitched with the urge to reach out, to feel the warmth of your skin beneath his touch. But he kept them tightly clenched at his sides, a silent battle of restraint.

Taking a deep breath, he tried to compose himself.

“You know, there’s a study that says thinking of something stressful when you can’t sleep prolongs your insomnia,” he said, attempting to break the intense atmosphere between you.

“Hm…” you responded, taking another sip of your tea. “I wouldn’t have guessed…” There was a hint of sarcasm in your voice.

Silence once again enveloped the kitchen, broken only by the soft clink of your cup against the counter.

Gojo watched you intently, studying your every move, every little facial expression. He longed to touch you, to ease the tension that seemed to radiate from you, but he couldn’t. The room felt smaller by the second, the air thick with the intensity of the tension between you. Gojo’s mind was a jumble of thoughts and feelings, his heart pounding in his chest.

Unable to resist any longer, he pushed himself away from the counter and took a step towards you. 

He was now standing directly beside you, his proximity making the tension in the room even more pronounced. He could smell the faint scent of your shampoo, a mix of something sweet and a hint of spice, and it stirred something deep within him.

Gojo swallowed hard as you turned your head towards him, your covered gaze fixed on him. It felt like you could peer straight into his soul, stripping away all his defenses.

He took a brief moment to admire you, captivated by the way the moonlight casts delicate shadows on your face, and the striking contrast of the blindfold against your hair and skin. He found himself entranced by your beauty.

“You’re staring again,” you suddenly remarked.

Gojo snapped out of his reverie, heat rising in his cheeks as he realized he had been caught. A mix of embarrassment and desire surged through him.

“You can’t blame me,” he responded, his voice trembling slightly. “It’s hard not to stare when you’re standing right here, looking like that.”

“Looking... like what?”

Taking a moment to take you in once more, his eyes traced over your features, lingering on every detail.

“Beautiful,” he murmured, his tone sincere and soft. “Absolutely beautiful.”

There was a pause as you stood silently, the weight of his words hanging in the air. You swallowed thickly, feeling a rush of warmth spreading through you at his compliment.

“Beautiful...?” you echoed softly, your voice wavering slightly.

“Yeah,” he repeated. “Beautiful. Just... Unbelievably beautiful.”

Taking another step forward, he closed the distance between you until your bodies nearly touched. He sensed the warmth radiating from your skin, and an intense urge surged within him to reach out and touch you.

He longed to see your eyes, to uncover the blindfold that hid the windows to your soul. Yet, he understood the risks involved in such an act. Still, a selfish desire gnawed at him.

Gojo took a deep breath, bracing himself.

“Can I... take it off?” he asked, his voice tinged with a hint of desperation.

“You know I can’t…” you replied softly, your tone wavering with reluctance.

Gojo released a heavy sigh, frustration and longing washing over him like a tide.

“I know,” he murmured, stepping back slightly. “But I can’t help but want to… It’s selfish, I know.”

Running a hand through his hair, his frustration turned into a quiet anguish—not directed at you, but at the circumstances that kept you both apart. The knowledge that he could never fully experience you the way he yearned for weighed heavily on him.

“I hate it,” he admitted, voice strained with emotion. “I hate that I can’t fully see you. I want to understand your thoughts, see your emotions. To witness your smile, your laughter, your happiness…”

Another sigh escaped him, shoulders sagging in defeat.

Drawing closer to you again, your bodies almost touching, he could feel the warmth emanating from you.

“Just this once,” he whispered, his voice barely audible. “Let me see your eyes. Let me see you.”

You stood there, caught between the warmth of his plea and the fear of what could unfold. His earnest desire to see you, along with the vulnerability in his voice, tugged at your heart. After a moment’s hesitation, you took a deep breath and made a decision.

“Okay…”

Taking a deep breath, Gojo stepped closer to you. He tried to steady his hands as he reached out, gently cupping your face with both hands. You stood still, your breath hitching as he slowly began to tug the blindfold down from your face, his fingers trembling in anticipation.

He watched as your face was slowly revealed to him, his breath catching in his throat. He had seen you countless times, but never like this. Never with your eyes fully exposed, your expressions completely visible.

Your eyes held a depth and intensity that took his breath away. It was an intimate moment, one he knew was rare and precious.

He couldn’t help but stare, his heart racing as he took in the sight of your eyes. They held a captivating beauty, almost hypnotic. He felt drawn to them, as if he could lose himself in their depths.

He reached out, his fingers gently tracing the outline of your face, as if committing every contour to memory. He was determined to etch this image of you into his mind forever.

“You’re even more beautiful than I imagined,” he whispered softly. “More than I could have ever dreamed.”

You felt the warmth of his hand, his touch lingered, exploring the curve of your jawline, the smoothness of your neck, the delicate lines of your collarbones. He yearned to feel every part of you, to imprint the sensation of your skin upon his memory, every detail, every nuance.

“You’ve seen me now..” you murmured softly, starting to lift the blindfold back into place.

Gojo’s hand instinctively moved to halt you. “Wait—” he said, his tone strained. “Just a little longer, please.”

He couldn’t bear to lose sight of you yet, unwilling to relinquish the image of your eyes and the vulnerability they revealed. His touch gentled as he cupped your chin, lifting your face slightly to absorb every aspect of your gaze before they were to be concealed once more.

You paused, captivated by the vulnerability in his gaze. For the first time, you saw him up close—the silver-white hair that framed his face, the intensity of his blue eyes that bore into yours.

“This is the first time I’ve seen you properly too,” you admitted softly, a small smile tugging at the corners of your lips. “Up close, like this.”

Gojo’s breath caught in his throat at your unexpected comment. He had been so focused on the intimacy of the moment, on the revelation of your eyes, that he hadn’t anticipated you turning the attention back to him.

He chuckled softly, the warmth of his touch lingering on your chin. “Well… What do you think?” His voice held a touch of self-consciousness.

You regarded him silently, your gaze scanning his face. A small smile tugged at your lips as you took in his features, and then you met his eyes.

“You’re very handsome,” you finally admitted, your voice soft but sincere. “Everything about you is… Beautiful.”

For once, Gojo found himself at a loss for words. He blinked, lips parting slightly as he struggled to find a response that matched the sincerity of your compliment. His chest rose and fell rapidly, his heart racing in a way he hadn’t felt in ages. He was taken aback by his own vulnerability, a sensation foreign and unsettling yet strangely exhilarating.

Closing the distance between you, he gently released his hold on your chin, his hand rising to cradle your face. The warmth of your skin against his palm sent a shiver through him, the closeness of your breath making his heart pound louder.

“I should put it back on…” you murmured softly, your voice tinged with hesitation.

Gojo’s grip on your face tightened ever so slightly, his eyes pleading with a depth of emotion he rarely showed. 

“Please,” he whispered hoarsely. “Just a little longer. Just a few more seconds... I want to look at you, just a little longer.”

“That’s what you said earlier, Satoru…”

But Gojo didn’t move. Instead, he leaned in closer, his forehead touching yours. The closeness overwhelmed him; he could feel your breath on his skin, sense the delicate flutter of your eyelashes against his own.

“Just... a little bit more,” he repeated, his voice barely above a whisper. “I want to remember you like this.”

He closed his eyes, breathing in the moment, intoxicated by the sensation of your face beneath his fingertips, by the warmth of your presence so close to his. In that fleeting moment, he wished for time to stand still, unwilling to let go of this vulnerable and raw connection between you both.

His fingers tangled in your hair, his touch needy, almost desperate. He was fighting an internal battle, between the logical part of him that knew he had to let you cover your eyes, and the emotional part of him that longed to keep looking at you.

His heart ached, his mind raced, but all he could focus on was the feel of your face beneath his fingers, the sound of your steady breathing, the sight of your beautiful eyes looking back at him.

“Can... Can I kiss you?”

You were taken aback by his request, the words hanging heavy in the air between you. His plea for just a few more moments to gaze at you had already caught you off guard, but now this new question stirred a whirlwind of emotions within you.

“...What?”

Gojo’s heart raced. Those words had slipped out unintentionally, driven by a surge of emotions he couldn’t contain. Now that they hung in the air between you, he realized he couldn’t take it back.

He swallowed hard, his heart threatening to burst out of his chest.

“Can I kiss you?” He repeated, his voice a ragged whisper. “Please.”

You observed him for a moment, swallowing thickly at his request. You knew deep down that you wanted to, that you had been yearning for him as well. The desire to kiss him was overwhelming.

“...Yes,” you finally whispered, giving in to the longing that had been building inside you.

Gojo’s heart skipped a beat at your response. Relief and excitement surged through him, causing his body to tremble with anticipation.

Gently tilting your face towards his, his fingers traced your skin with a feather-light touch. His breath warmed your lips, his heartbeat echoing in the closeness between you.

Drawing closer, his movements deliberate and unhurried, his lips met yours in a soft, gentle kiss.

He had anticipated it would be wonderful, yet nothing prepared him for this. Emotion surged through him, an overwhelming desire to draw nearer to you, unlike anything he had ever experienced.

He deepened the kiss, his tongue gently brushing against yours. He wanted more, he needed more. He needed to feel every inch of you, to taste every bit of you. His hands moved to your hips, pulling you flush against him, his body pressing against yours. He groaned against your lips, the pressure of your body against his both intoxicating and maddening all at once.

The rest of the world faded away, nothing existed in that moment except for the two of you. Gojo felt himself losing control, succumbing to the overwhelming desire that was coursing through him.

He pulled away just enough to gasp a breath, his forehead resting against yours as he tried to regain some semblance of control. But that was a lost cause; he had lost all control the moment your lips had touched his.

“You…” he whispered, his voice ragged with emotion. “Please... Don’t let this be a dream... I can’t bear it if this is just a dream…”

“It’s real, Satoru…” you assured him softly. 

Gojo shuddered at the sound of your voice, relief flooding through him as he absorbed the moment. Your words grounded him, confirming that this was indeed happening.

In response, he tenderly captured your lips once more, the kiss more urgent and demanding this time. You responded eagerly, your hands finding their way to his shoulders, pulling him closer. The world outside your embrace faded away, leaving only the warmth of his touch and the taste of his kiss.

For that brief, suspended moment, Gojo and you allowed yourselves to lose to the moment, surrendering to the depth of your feelings and the undeniable pull between you.

—

“Wait, what?! You kissed her!?” Geto’s incredulous voice sliced through the morning air as he stared at Gojo, a mixture of surprise and amusement on his face.

“Shh, keep it down, will ya?” Gojo hissed, casting a quick glance around the campus. “And yes, we did kiss…”

Gojo sighed heavily, his eyes settled on Shoko and you, chatting and giggling to yourselves on a bench a little further away. He watches as you laugh softly at something Shoko says, the sound carrying across the yard, sending a wave of longing through him.

Geto snickers quietly. “Seriously? I can’t believe that you actually went for it.”

“It just... happened,” Gojo replied sheepishly, running a hand through his hair. “It was... unexpected.”

“Uh-huh,” Geto smirked knowingly. “And how was it?”

Gojo’s cheeks flushed slightly as he recalled the sensation of your lips against his. “Amazing,” he admitted softly, a genuine smile tugging at his lips. “She’s... incredible. And her eyes are so beautif—”

“Wait, hold on,” Geto raised a hand to stop Gojo from talking. “Her eyes?”

Gojo’s eyes widened slightly, realizing that he had let slip more than he intended.

“I…” He falters, his gaze flickering away as he shifts uncomfortably under Geto’s scrutiny. He wasn’t ready to reveal that little tidbit of information just yet. 

“She took the blindfold off?” Geto’s tone was serious, probing for honesty.

Gojo can tell that there's no point in trying to deny it, so he nods, his shoulders slumping slightly in resignation.

“Actually, I did…” he finally murmurs, nervously adjusting his sunglasses.

Geto lets out a sigh, his expression becoming more serious. “You’re an idiot, Satoru.”

“Wha—hey—”

“You know it’s risky, Satoru. That curse bound to her... That’s not something to take lightly. You’re lucky nothing happened.”

Gojo sighed heavily, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“I know, I know,” he admitted quietly. “It’s just… I couldn’t resist. She’s…” He trailed off, his thoughts drifting to you and the way he felt in that fleeting moment.

His eyes flicker back to you and Shoko, this time lingering on you a little longer. He notices the way your head is tilted to the side, a soft smile on your lips as you listen to Shoko speak. It makes his heart ache again, the need to be close to you almost overwhelming.

Gojo lets out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his hair. “I… I couldn’t help it…” He pauses, his eyes flickering over towards Geto. “She makes me go absolutely insane. I just want to see her damn eyes, see her smile… All of her…”

Geto hummed thoughtfully, letting the silence hang between them for a moment before he spoke again.

“And how was it? Seeing her face in its entire glory?” 

Gojo’s expression softened as he recalled the moment. “It was…” He searched for the right words, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “Unbelievable. She’s even more beautiful than I imagined. Seeing her like that…” He trailed off, a wistful look in his eyes.

“So no lizard eyes?”

Gojo scoffed, shaking his head. “No… No lizard eyes. Just pure, mesmerizing beauty.”

Geto chuckled as he leaned back slightly. “Well, I guess that’s a relief. I was starting to think you had a thing for reptiles.”

Gojo groaned in frustration. “Let it go, will ya?”

“Alright, alright. No more lizard talk, I swear.” Geto grinned, raising his hands in mock surrender, amusement dancing in his eyes.

They both fell into a comfortable silence. Gojo couldn’t help but steal glances at you, observing how you interacted with Shoko, your laughter echoing across the space. It was moments like these that he cherished the most—seeing you happy, carefree, and unaware of his gaze.

Each time he looked at you, a warmth spread through his chest, a feeling he hadn’t experienced in a long time. He found himself captivated by your presence, drawn to your every movement, every expression that crossed your face. He longed for those moments alone with you, moments where he could see more of you. And the more he watched you, the more he yearned to be closer.

“You really care about her, huh?”

Gojo’s breath got caught in his throat at Geto’s question, his gaze momentarily fixed on you before flickering back to his friend. He nodded slowly, a mixture of vulnerability and affection in his eyes.

“Yeah,” he admitted quietly, his gaze returning to you. “I do.”

—

“Come on, just one more time,” Gojo coaxed as he leaned his face closer to yours. “You’ve done it before.”

“No way,” you replied firmly, shaking your head. “And stop talking, I’m trying to meditate.”

“But it’s just for a moment,” he persisted, his voice pleading. “Come on, [name], I promise nothing will happen. I just want to see your eyes again, just for a little while.”

You sighed, torn between wanting to make him happy and the fear of what could happen if the blindfold came off. “Toru, you know the risks. I can’t take that chance.”

Gojo’s expression softened, understanding your concern but unwilling to give up. “I know you’re worried, but I’ll be careful,” he said earnestly. “I just… I miss seeing your pretty eyes. So please? Just a peek?”

He could sense him looking at you with such sincerity and longing that it tugged at your heartstrings. You knew he meant well, but the stakes were high. Yet, hearing the longing and affection in his voice, a part of you wanted to give in.

“There’s nothing in here, you know?” he murmured softly. “There’s nothing that can possibly trigger it, it’s safe.”

“I know, but…” you started, your voice wavering slightly as you tried to convey your apprehension.

Gojo leaned in closer, his hand reaching out tentatively as if to touch your face. “Please, just this once,” he whispered softly. “I just want to see you.”

His words hung in the air, the sincerity behind them palpable. You felt torn, caught between the longing to grant his request and the fear of what could happen. But the warmth of his touch and the earnestness in his voice made your resolve begin to weaken.

Taking a deep breath, you nodded reluctantly. “Okay... Just… Only for a little bit.”

As he slowly pulls down the fabric, your hands instinctively rise to stop him, creating an electric tension between you both. Your touch, meant to prevent him, only ignites a deeper yearning within him.

Gojo pauses, his breath hitching at the sensation of your hands against his. He waits patiently for your response, his heart pounding in his chest. 

You gently guide his hand away from your blindfold, your own fingers reaching up to delicately pull it down. Following your movements with held breath, Gojo’s gaze remains fixed on you as the blindfold slowly comes off, gradually revealing more of your face.

He stares at you in awe, absorbing every feature that emerges as if seeing you for the first time. It’s a moment of profound rediscovery.

With the blindfold now lowered just enough to expose your eyes, Gojo’s breath catches at the sight—deep and expressive. He feels drawn into their depths, captivated beyond words. Unable to look away, Gojo is transfixed by the intensity of your gaze. The raw emotion therein overwhelms him, and he swallows hard, struggling for words.

“So beautiful,” he murmurs. The words slip out involuntarily, a sincere reflection of the profound impact your unveiled eyes have on him.

He reaches out, gently tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, his fingers lingering against your skin.

The contact of his fingers against your skin causes a shiver to run down your spine. It’s a simple gesture, yet the tenderness behind it is evident. His touch is gentle, as if he’s handling something delicate and precious.

Gojo gazes at you intently, his eyes roaming over every part of your face now that it’s no longer hidden. He wants to memorize every detail, every curve, every shade of your irises.

He gently cups your cheek, his palm resting against the soft skin. His thumb brushes over your lips gingerly, the action both reverent and intimate. His eyes are fixated on your mouth, watching the small movement under his touch.

Gojo dips his head slightly, his breath mingling with yours as he closes the distance. You can feel the warmth radiating from him, the way he’s hovering dangerously close to your lips.

Finally, his lips meet yours in a soft, tender kiss. It’s a gentle kiss at first, his lips moving against yours with a tender finesse. He savors the feel of your lips, the sweetness of your breath. It feels unreal, like a dream he’s afraid to wake up from.

Suddenly the door bursts open. 

“[name], it’s time for your training,” Yaga strides in, his presence a stark contrast to the intimate bubble you and Gojo were encased in.

You pull apart abruptly, your eyes wide as you quickly pull your blindfold back into place. A mix of frustration and embarrassment colors Gojo’s features.

Yaga stands in the doorway, his face a mixture of surprise and suspicion. His gaze flicks between you two, his eyes narrowing.

“What’s going on here?” he asks, his tone sharp and authoritative.

“I’m sorry—”

Gojo quickly rises up from the ground, stepping in front of you, his posture defensive. “It’s my fault,” he says, his voice firm. “I asked her to take off the blindfold.”

Yaga’s expression hardens. “I expected you to be better, Satoru. You know the risks involved. Her curse is dangerous, and that blindfold is there for a reason.”

Gojo’s defensive stance relaxes a fraction at Yaga’s words. He looks at you, then back at Yaga, a hint of understanding in his eyes. He nods slowly, his voice still laced with reluctance.

“Yes, sensei.” He glances at you again, his gaze lingering for a moment. “I know… I understand.”

Yaga nods, satisfied with your compliance. His eyes flicked between you and Gojo, an unspoken warning in his gaze. He turns to leave but pauses in the doorway.

“I trust that you two will behave from now on.” His words are both a statement and a command. He then leaves, the door closing behind him with a soft thud. 

The room falls into silence after Yaga’s departure. Gojo lets out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his hair. He glances at you, a mix of emotions in his eyes.

You sighed softly. “I’m sorry…” 

Gojo’s expression softens as you speak, his irritation melting away. He shakes his head, kneeling in front of you.

“It’s not your fault…” he sighs, “I shouldn’t have done that. It was stupid.”

He reaches out to touch your cheek, his thumb trailing over your skin. “I just… I can’t help it…” his voice is a hushed whisper, laced with frustration. “When I’m near you, I just…” he pauses, searching for the right words. “I can’t control myself.” 

You feel the sincerity in his touch and words, the intensity of his emotions wrapping around you. Gojo’s eyes silently observe your covered ones, seeking reassurance, understanding, and perhaps forgiveness.

“I know it’s risky,” he continues, his voice soft and low. “But being with you… seeing you… it’s worth every risk.”

His hand lingers on your cheek, his eyes filled with longing and determination. “I’ll find a way to make it safe. And I will protect you, no matter what,” he promises, his voice firm despite the vulnerability in his gaze. 

He brings your hand up, gently placing it against his chest. You can feel the rapid thump of his heart beneath your palm, the beat quickening the longer he’s in your presence. 

“I’d wait forever if I had to,” he whispers, his voice hoarse with honesty. “All for you.”

His words wash over you, stirring emotions deep within your heart. The warmth of his touch, the rhythm of his heartbeat against your hand—it all speaks volumes of his love and devotion. Despite the risks, despite the challenges ahead, Gojo’s unwavering commitment to you fills you with a sense of being cherished like never before. In that moment, surrounded by his earnestness and affection, you can’t help but feel loved and profoundly affected by his words.

“Satoru,” you began softly. “We’re so screwed, aren’t we?”

Gojo lets out a breathless, strained laugh, his eyes flickering to your covered eyes.

“Yeah, we definitely are.” He brings your hand up from his chest to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to your knuckles. “But I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

—

“What do you mean I can’t see her?!” 

“Satoru, calm down,” Geto urged, his voice a mix of reason and sympathy as they stood outside the building of the Jujutsu Headquarters. His demeanor remained calm, but a hint of frustration colored his expression. “You know how it is. It’s not just about her safety anymore. They’re concerned about the curse that’s bound to her.” 

Gojo’s jaw clenched. He knew exactly what Geto was referring to—the powerful curse that you had inadvertently unleashed during the last mission. It had caused significant damage and casualties, and now the higher-ups were treating you as a potential threat.

“The interrogation is necessary,” Geto continued, his voice softening slightly. “They need to understand what happened and assess the risk.”

“Assess the risk?!” Gojo echoed sharply, his frustration boiling over. “She didn’t do it on purpose. It was an accident—”

“You don’t think I know that?” Geto interjected, his tone hardening slightly. “Look, Satoru, you know how they operate. They’ve been wary of her for a while now. This incident is just giving them more reason to doubt her. To them, she’s a ticking time bomb, and they’ve been waiting for the day it finally goes off.”

Gojo’s fists tightened at his sides, his eyes blazing with intensity. “She’s not a threat, Suguru. She’s one of us. She risked her life to protect everyone on that mission.”

“I know that, Satoru,” Geto replied calmly, though his gaze flickered with concern. “But they’re not convinced. They’re afraid of what she might do next, especially with that curse—”

“That curse is part of her,” Gojo interjected sharply, his voice cracking with frustration. “She didn’t ask for it. She’s been fighting against it every day.”

“I know,” Geto agreed quietly. “But just… Listen to me for a moment… Rushing in there won’t help her.”

Gojo’s fists slowly unclenched, though his eyes still burned with intensity. He knew Geto was right, but the thought of you alone and subjected to interrogation gnawed at his resolve.

“I just… I can’t stand the thought of her in there, facing them alone,” Gojo admitted, his voice raw with emotion. “She’s been through enough already.”

“I know,” Geto replied softly, his gaze meeting Gojo’s with understanding. “But I swear, Yaga won’t let anything happen to her. So just… Calm down, because right now, patience is our best strategy.”

A frustrated sigh escaped Gojo as he ran a hand through his white hair, his mind racing with a thousand scenarios and worries. He hated feeling powerless, especially when it came to someone he cared so deeply about.

After a while, Geto had left and Gojo’s pacing had become almost rhythmic, his steps echoing in the quiet courtyard outside the headquarters. Every passing minute felt like an eternity as he anxiously awaited news of you. His mind raced with concern and frustration, imagining the ordeal you were enduring inside.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, the heavy doors of the headquarters swung open, and you emerged, the weariness etched plainly on your face. Gojo’s heart skipped a beat at the sight of you, relieved yet troubled by the fatigue evident in your demeanor.

You sighed heavily, shoulders slumping slightly under the weight of the day’s events. The interrogation had been grueling—hours spent recounting the mission, defending your actions, and grappling with accusations that felt unjust.

“Are you okay?” Gojo asked softly, his eyes searching yours for any sign of distress.

You managed a faint smile. “I’m fine,” you replied, your voice tinged with exhaustion. “It’s just… a lot.”

Gojo nodded, his concern deepening. He resisted the urge to pull you into his arms, knowing that you needed space to process everything that had happened.

“What did they say?” Gojo asked cautiously, knowing the answer might not be easy to hear.

You sighed again, running a hand through your hair wearily. “They… they want to give me another chance,” you explained, your voice tinged with resignation. “But in exchange, I have to accept any mission they send my way. No questions asked.”

Gojo’s expression darkened, his fists clenching at his sides. He knew what this meant—harder missions, more danger, and the constant scrutiny of the higher-ups waiting for any slip-up.

“It’s a setup,” Gojo muttered bitterly. “They’re trying to push you to your limits, to see if they can control that damn curse.”

“Yeah, I know…”

Gojo’s heart aches, seeing the tension in your movements. He can sense the desperation in your voice, the vulnerability. He knows how badly you’re blaming yourself for everything that’s happened, and how much it’s eating away at you from the inside.

He takes a step closer to you, the gap between you both slowly closing. He reaches out hesitantly, his hand gently cupping your cheek. His touch is gentle, almost as if he’s afraid of hurting you.

“Can you look at me?” he asks, his voice almost pleading, his fingers brushing over the edges of the fabric that shielded your eyes.

You shake your head firmly. “Not after what happened,” your voice trembles slightly. “I… I can’t let it happen again.”

Gojo’s heart clenches as he looks at you. He knew the depth of your guilt, the burden you carried from the incident. He gently brushed his thumb against your cheek, his touch tender and reassuring.

“You can’t blame yourself for what happened,” he insists, his voice soft yet firm. “It wasn’t your fault.”

You sighed, feeling the conflicting emotions churn within. “I wish I could believe that,” you admitted, your voice barely audible.

“Well, I believe in you,” Gojo asserted gently, his hand sliding down to grasp yours, offering comfort in his touch. “And I always will.”

Your heart swelled with gratitude and affection at his unwavering faith in you. The sincerity in his voice, the warmth in his touch, eased some of the turmoil within. Feeling a rush of emotions, you gently wrapped your arms around his torso, finding solace in his embrace.

“I love you,” you whispered softly against his chest.

Gojo’s eyes widened slightly, a tender smile spreading across his face as he returned your embrace, wrapping his arms around you protectively. 

“And I love you.”

—

“What are you going to do after we graduate?” you asked softly, your voice carrying a hint of uncertainty and curiosity.

“Marry you.” Gojo replied, his tone unexpectedly serious.

You scoffed, taken aback by his response. “Very funny, now be serious.”

Gojo turned to look at you, his expression earnest despite the playful glint in his eyes. “I am serious. It’s not like I have any other plans that don’t involve you.”

Your heart skipped a beat at his words, a mixture of surprise and butterflies swirling in your stomach. 

You tried to feign nonchalance as you replied. “Don’t say things like that.”

Gojo chuckled softly. “Why not? It’s the truth,” he remarked, his gaze studying your expression intently. Even though your eyes were covered, he could sense your flustered state. “I would marry you right now.”

Heat rises up to your cheeks. “Are you proposing to me right now, Satoru?” you asked, half-joking, half-incredulous

Gojo laughed, a light, melodic sound that echoed in the air around you. “Maybe,” he teased, a playful smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “Would you say yes if I did?”

Your heart skipped another beat, your mind racing with a mixture of surprise, disbelief, and a hint of excitement. 

“You’re joking,” you said, though your voice sounded a bit breathless. “There’s no way you’re serious.”

“Maybe I am, maybe I’m not,” he teased, leaning a bit closer to you. “But what if I am serious? What would you say then?”

You swallowed hard, your heart racing in your chest. 

“I…” You didn’t know what to say. The idea of marrying him, being bound to him in such an intimate way, excited you in ways you couldn’t explain with mere words.

Gojo shifted closer to you, closing the already small distance between you. He reached out and took your hand in his, his thumb tracing lazy circles on your skin. 

“Don’t worry,” he said softly, his voice low and soothing. “I’m not asking for an answer right this second.”

His gaze bore onto your face, the setting sun casting a warm, golden light across your features. “But when I do ask for real, you’ll say yes, won’t you?”

The question hung in the air, and after a moment of silence, you nodded. “Of course, I will.”

Gojo’s smile widened, his eyes lighting up with a combination of happiness and relief. 

“Good,” he said, lifting your hand to his lips and pressing a soft kiss to your knuckles. “Because I’m holding you to that.”

—

“You do realize that you can’t sneak up on me, right?” 

“Aww, can’t a guy try?” Gojo teased, chuckling quietly.

The sound of his footsteps echoed softly through the room as Gojo walked up to you. His presence was almost tangible, yet he was careful not to disturb your meditation routine.

A smile tugged at the corners of your lips. “You’re so predictable,” you teased. “I can feel your smug aura from miles away.”

Gojo chuckles, coming to a stop behind you. “Is that so?” he says, his voice closer than before. “You think you’re getting used to my tricks now, huh?”

“You’re tricks have never worked to begin with,” you scoffed lightly. “It’s like you radiate a disturbance in the force.”

“A disturbance, huh?” he muses. “You make it sound like I’m some kind of bad influence.”

“You are a bad influence,” you say, your voice a mere whisper against the quiet room.

Gojo’s smile widens at your words. He steps closer, closing the distance between you, observing the fabric covering your eyes.

“And yet, you still fell in love with me.”

You scoffed lightly, but there’s no hiding the subtle flutter in your chest at his words.

“Well, nobody’s perfect,” you reply, feigning nonchalance despite the way your heart skips a beat.

He lets out a small laugh, the sound filling the air between you. Gojo knelt down in front of you, his face moving even closer to yours, his breath warm on your skin. 

“That is false. You’re perfect to me.”

Your heart beats faster at those words, a slight blush rising to your cheeks.

You keep your voice steady as you respond. “You’re being stupidly sweet today, ‘Toru. What’s the catch?”

Gojo shrugs, but the smirk on his face is unapologetic. “Can’t a man be sweet to his wife without an ulterior motive?” he asks, the mock innocence in his tone belied by the sparkle in his eyes.

“Right… Now what is it?”

Gojo laughs softly, not taking your suspicions seriously. “Alright, alright,” he says, holding up his hands in a gesture of mock surrender. “You caught me. There is an ulterior motive.”

He reached out, his fingers tracing the edge of the blindfold on your face, his touch sending a familiar shiver down your spine. 

“And what might this ulterior motive be?” you ask, trying to maintain your facade of skepticism, even as your heart quickens in response to his touch.

Gojo continues to trace the outline of your eyes, his fingers now moving to gently caress your cheek. “It’s simple, really,” he murmurs, his breath warm against your skin. “I want to see your eyes.”

You let out a small, breathy laugh. “That’s it?”

A small smirk forms on his lips as he continues to caress your cheek. “Just that,” he says, his voice a mere whisper. “I just want to see those gorgeous eyes of yours without this pesky blindfold.”

“You saw them this morning,” you murmur, your voice betraying a hint of the flutter in your chest.

His fingers move to gently brush your hair away from your face, and he leans in even closer. “And I want to see them every time I’m with you,” he says, the sincerity in his voice making your heart skip a beat. “You know me, I can’t help myself.”

He slowly pulls the blindfold down, his movements slow and deliberate, taking his time to reveal your eyes. The air around you suddenly feels thicker, heavier, the anticipation hanging between you like a tangible thread.

As the blindfold falls away, your eyes finally meet Gojo’s. His gaze is intense, the light from the setting sun streaming through the windows, bathing the two of you in a warm orange glow. He studies your face, his eyes drinking you in like he’s seeing you for the first time.

The silence between you is intimate, almost sacred. You find yourself unable to look away from his intense gaze, unable to look away from the emotions swimming in the depths of his eyes.

Gojo’s thumb gently brushes over your lips, his touch impossibly soft. “There they are,” he whispers, his voice a low hum. “Always so breathtaking.”

Your breath hitches in your throat, his words making heat spread across your face. Despite how many times he’s seen your eyes, he always manages to make it feel like the first time, like every time is a revelation. You struggle to find words, your mind and heart suddenly in disarray.

“I’ll never get tired of seeing them,” he murmurs, his voice a low rumble. “I’ll never get tired of looking at you.” With those words, he closes the remaining distance between you.

The kiss is tender at first, a soft press of lips against lips. But then it deepens, becoming more urgent, more demanding. Gojo’s hands move from your face to your waist, pulling you even closer to him.

The world around you suddenly disappears. The only thing that matters in this moment is the feel of his body against yours, the taste of his mouth, the sound of his breath. You lose yourself in the moment, in the feel of his touch, in the depth of his kiss.

Suddenly a loud commotion erupted from the hallway outside the room. The unmistakable voices of Itadori, Fushiguro and Kugisaki echoed through the corridor, growing louder as they approached.

The door swung open with a bang, making you and Gojo pull away abruptly.

“Ah, there you are, sensei!” Itadori exclaimed, oblivious to the interrupted moment. “We finally got the curse object you were looking for—” 

Fushiguro, who was trailing just behind his friends, immediately caught on to the situation. His expression turned from neutral to mildly exasperated as he took in the scene. Without saying a word, he swiftly grabbed Itadori by the collar and Kugisaki by the arm, pulling them back into the hallway. Itadori stumbled in surprise, letting out a yelp as the door closed with a definitive click.

“Hey, what was that for!” Itadori protested, his boisterous voice coming out muffled from behind the closed door. “I was talking to Gojo-sensei!”

Kugisaki laughed at the boy’s oblivious behavior. “Didn’t you see that they were having a moment? You’re so dense, Itadori.”

“What’re you talking about?” Itadori’s confusion was almost tangible, his voice still loud enough to carry through the door.

Fushiguro sighed. “Forget it... Let's just give them some space.”

Gojo chuckled softly, his forehead resting against yours as he listened to the muffled voices outside the door. “Looks like our quiet moment is over,” he murmured, gently placing your blindfold back into place.

You hummed softly, feeling the fabric settle comfortably over your eyes once more. The world became dimmer, but the warmth of Gojo’s presence never left. He leaned back slightly, his own fingers deftly securing the blindfold over his eyes. 

“There,” he said with a soft sigh, his voice carrying a hint of amusement. “Now we match.”

“Matching, you say?” You crossed your arms over your chest, raising an eyebrow at Gojo playfully. “More like you stole my look.”

“Maybe,” he admitted with a smirk, his gaze lingering on you with affectionate amusement. “But let’s be honest, who wears it better?”

“Well, seeing how I did it first, I would say me,” you retorted playfully.

“That’s debatable,” he replied smoothly, his voice laced with a hint of challenge. “But I have to admit,” he leaned in closer once more, his face just mere inches from yours. “You do look pretty damn hot.”

You laughed softly at his compliment, the warmth of his breath brushing against your skin. 

“Flattery will get you nowhere, ‘Toru,” you teased, though your heart raced a bit faster in response to his proximity.

Gojo grinned, his hand gently cupping your cheek. “Oh, I think it’s gotten me quite far already,” he murmured, his lips almost brushing against yours.

You huffed lightly, gently shoving his face away. “Now go.”

Gojo pouted slightly, a small sigh escaping him. “You’re always so serious.” He reluctantly let go of your cheek, slowly rising to his feet. “Fine, I’ll go deal with the kids. But once everything is handled we’ll finish what we started.”

As he walked towards the door, you couldn’t help but chuckle at his dramatic departure.

“Yeah, yeah, just go be the responsible teacher you’re supposed to be,” you called out jokingly.

Gojo grins widely. “Oh, don’t worry, I’ll be the most responsible teacher there ever was.”

[undercoverpena]

welcome to my birthday bash 🍊🎉

I normally hide from my birthday, but this year, I thought why don’t I celebrate with the people who make the days a little easier. so, welcome to my little bash where you can partake as little, or as much as you want!

officially starts on the 8th of July - 10th of July (but inbox is open now to request things or send things in) 🧡

how to play? simply use one of the emojis below, and join the fun:

🎨 the doing you ourselves - use the emoji, pick a number between 1-20 and be given a paint sample shade (I have twenty in total) and make a moodboard, gifset, edit or fic including/influenced by your colour. 

🛻 thou. y’all. you - send in a game, FMK, would you rather, etc  

✏️ late night words - request this and be asked a fun question by me into your inbox. please specify if you wish for phone crossword (sfw) or hotel crossword (nsfw-ish)

👄 cold lips blue - warm us all up with your fave photo of pedro, ppcu character or equally, a fluffy or happy thot about a PPCU boy (no rpf please)

👯 I like the way you - send a message in for me to share where you’re loving on SOMEONE ELSE. this could be a thing you’ve made for them, a fic you’ve read and loved or simply that you just love on them (for this one, please exclude me) 

🌶️ browse by spice - send in spicy thots, and let's have some sinful birthday fun (please be aware i don't write/read noncon/dubcon)

🎉 my birthday - send in ‘what’s your fave’s’ here, such as books, movies, tv shows, (not fic recs pls) and you may also wish me happy birthday… I suppose hahah

other things to note:

🍊 there will be other things going on from me, such as sharing fun fandom events for you all to see, posting some of my fave recs from others

🍊 the last chapter of do me yourself will also be out on the 9th as normal at 19:00 BST

🍊 there will be a birthday bash masterlist (to collect anything and everything) there. this will have a link to my usual masterlist, chapter twenty of DMY and other things to help you navigate my blog while there's cake being flung everywhere

no pressure taglist here:

@thetriumphantpanda @goodwithcheese @secretelephanttattoo @pedgito @psychedelic-ink

@morallyinept @maggiemayhemnj @julesonrecord @burntheedges @katareyoudrilling

@eupheme @nothoughtsjustmeds @luxurychristmaspudding @perotovar @scenaaario

@ezrasbirdie @swiftispunk @joelscruff @toxicanonymity @msjarvis

@katsheadinclouds @rhoorl @janaispunk @intheorangebedroom @joelsgreenflannel

@iamskyereads @hellishjoel @kedsandtubesocks @nerdieforpedro @survivingandenduring

@burntheedges @katareyoudrilling @mothandpidgeon @amanitacowboy

[sjyfave]

Omgg gurl you’re so good at writing we need a fic where heeseung meets a blk engene and y/n signs an nda and they do the do🎀

𓍯 warm showers & contrasting skin colours.

GENRE 𓍯 SMUT (MDNI)

WC 𓍯 3k

WRNG! black coded y/n, sex in the shower so obviously you have a protective hairstyle if youre black reading, unprotected sex, reader takes birth control, heeseung fingers y/n with his cum lol, light body worship by heeseung, a little grinding,

A/N! idk how getting someone at a concert a nda works but i promise it’ll make sense. YES i kinda changed my writing style but only for asks. and this is the most descriptive ive written in MMMY opinion.

his eye contact would poke holes in your outfit if it could. you were honestly a little shocked at how often he looked down at you, a light smirk on his face with a bitten bottom lip. the girls around you couldn’t tell, waving their hands in front of your face—begging for interactions. their phones blocked your face as he looked past them regardless, pointing at you with a wink. you took your phone out to record him at times, heeseung bending down to pose. you were beyond excited by it, even more ready to post on tiktok about your interactions.

that was until the end of the concert came and a member of staff came up to you immediately, pulling you aside as the crowds dispersed. they lied about them having something you had lost, your eyes and hands searching your body and bag frantically. the moment they pulled you away from the unbothered crowds, they switched their questions—asking if you posted anything, checking the age on your id.

“what’s happening? whats wrong?”

your questions weren’t answered nearly as fast as you asked them, following the lead of any and everyone who spoke to you. there were three members of staff that came up to speak with you, one tall male with two shorter females—everyone in black. they prevented you from leaving, asking you to keep your phone in your bag or they'd ask to hold it. you almost felt villainized by the questions, looking around for anyone who might be watching.

“did i do something wrong?”

“no, you're fine don’t worry.” you paused with a head tilt to the right.

“then, can i go…home?”

“not yet, we’ll pay for an uber if you need it.”

why would they pay? you were honestly so taken aback. you couldn't do anything but look down at your lightstick in hand, playing with the end of your skirt anxiously. you truthfully just wanted to go home and shower—wanted to take your shoes off and post about your day. regardless of your feelings, you waited patiently, trying hard to hear them out as they walked you around the back end of the stage.

you thought you’d see enhypen there for a vip meeting—but you hadn’t paid, so there was no chance. but the moment staff started to move towards some secret back doors you didn’t recognized, insisting you followed with a hand to your back, you got nervous. you stopped walking, fear rattling your bones as you thought harder about the situation. am i being trafficked? why am i assuming these people actually work for enhypen? where are we?

you noticed a black van with tinted windows in front of the staff ahead of you. you watched the back door open, the front of the car facing you in an empty underground parking area. that's when you see him—heeseung—in an ill fitting white tank and baggy grey sweatpants. he looked tired, but his bare face smiled regardless. you almost screamed, clapping your right hand over your mouth as you let your light stick hang around your bent forearm.

you waved with your left hand frantically, your eyes wide in shock as he waved back playfully, his head dipping slightly before lifting. he holds his left hand out to you, your right hand dropping as the staff with you look up and around. they push you to walk faster, another car pulling up the right of you for the one male staff to hop into, the female staff pushing you into heeseungs body lightly. its unreal, a gasp leaving your lips when you’re walked into the car, heeseung sitting in a van seat beside you.

• • •

you could barely hold the pen straight in your hand. it felt a little backwards for them to get you to sign so late, the staff asking to look through your recently used apps to make sure you didn’t text anything to a friend or post. heeseung wasn’t with you for the signing, leaving you to sit with the staff in a private hotel dining area.

you were nervous—even that feeling like an understatement the way another female staff pulled the forms from you. her mask sits high on her face as she glanced through the pages, noting the medication you take. she made sure everything was correct with a nod to the male staff standing at the entrance of the dining area, the boys group members up in their rooms.

once you reached heeseungs hotel room, you honestly felt a little nauseous. it still felt weird—like was a scam—regardless of you signing your name on every page. it felt even more fake when he opened the door with his right hand, freshly showered. now you felt gross seeing him freshly bathed, sweat from the concert dried onto your skin. he’s dressed in baggy pajamas, the neck of his shirt exposing his chest. his hairs still wet, face lightly damp from letting it air dry.

“hi y/n~”

how—? he looks you up and down shamelessly, your faint perfume enough for him to pick up on. your makeup is a little messy from the day but he understands, his job giving him more in-site than most men had.

“..h-i, how are you?” you ask nervously, heeseung stepping back from the door to let you in. you step in nervously, heeseungs eyes following the back of your thighs and ass. he lets the door slam closed with a loose grip on the handle, following closely behind you.

“i’m good, i love your outfit.” heeseung compliments, his right hand coming up to lightly grab one of your braids. he runs his index and thumb down the length of it, smiling softly at the way you look over your left shoulder at him.

“do you wanna shower? i don’t have an extra rag but i think the hotel might offer some.”

you bring your hands to your chest in playful relief, smiling. you know they don’t have rags, but the sentiment rubs you right regardless.

“you have no idea, i’ve wanted to shower since your staff kidnapped my ass.”

heeseung laughs at the comment, his right hand coming to your lower back. it’s innocent but you can’t help but overthink it after the nda, your heart racing. the surface area of his hand is larger than you could imagine as he runs it over to your side without lifting. his fingers lightly press into the right side of your waist as he pushes you to face his left.

“the bathrooms over here—“

he points to his left, the bathroom door right by you both. it’s humid, the mirror covered in fog from what you can see. his eyes search your face and frame for anxiety; he reads you well. he looks over the curve of your chest, your eyes meeting his as you notice. a member of belifts staff knocks at the door—female—handing over an extra towel offered by the hotel and a sample of her personal body wash poured into a ziplock bag.

she offers you a spare hair tie from her right wrist, your hands coming up to hold all three things with a smile. you thank her for the offer, smiling softly with an awkward bow. heeseung watches you with a smile, making eye contact with her before she closes the door behind her with a snicker. you don’t think much of it—it’s already obvious why you’re here.

“if you hear me step in with you don’t be surprised.”

you laugh at the comment, looking him up and down with a smirk.

“after you just showered? you gon’ ruin all your progress?”

“for you? of course.”

there’s a soft shift in the way he responds to you, a small smirk in his face as his eyes soften. you can’t help but feel some level of arousal at the comment, feeling flattered. there’s truth in his words, so you don’t question further when he lets you step into the bathroom. you try your absolute best to wash your body without a rag, feeling a bit of shame in using so much of the staffs soap as you scrub yourself as well as possible.

heeseung waits long enough to where he thinks you would’ve showered as much as you need to, his ear on the main bathroom door. the shower is all glass, the door on the left side of you. it can definitely accommodate two, and you know that’s the plan for the most part, making sure you scrub yourself down where it really counts. hee is anxious—semi-hard as he stands by the door. he’s anxious, his forehead pushed up against the door as he waits patiently for you to stop aggressively rubbing your armpits nervously.

you don’t acknowledge him listening in, but you’re waiting for it patiently. you mess around with your ears aimlessly to pretend you’re still showering, waiting for the door. like clockwork, heeseung pushes the door open. he’s not secretive about it, wanting you to know he’s there when the door creaks open completely.

“can i join you?”

he’s quiet against the sound of the shower, you can barely hear him over the water. you push the shower door open for him without a verbal response, the cold air hitting the left side of your body. you’re bolder in act than in actuality, the image of heeseung smirking at you before removing his shirt catching you off guard. you look away—strangely enough—the action cute in contrast. he drops his pajama pants just as fast, surprisingly wearing no underwear.

he steps in quickly, pulling the door with his left hand. the moment the door gets close enough to slowly pull closed—his hands are on you from behind. he lightly traces up your torso, his hands lightly groping both of your boobs. he playfully pinches your deep brown nipples between his index and middle finger, rolling them. his face presses into the left side of your jaw, kissing the crook of your neck. the water softly beats on your skin, heeseungs eyes closed so the water bouncing off your body so it doesn’t bounce into his eyes.

he’s gentle. his dick pushes against you, lightly pressed between the crack of your ass. his left hand comes up to pull your face towards him, pushing you to turn and face him. he doesn’t speak like you thought he would, his eyes watching your lips before he kisses you. you ignore the way the water beats downward on your braids, focusing on how heeseungs nose pushes into yours. your arms come up to wrap around his neck, heeseungs lips chasing yours when your position changes.

that’s when you feel heeseungs erection completely. it’s heavy, pushing against the fat of your vagina. his lips are soft, the contrast in his lip-size against yours somehow perfect. you taste the mint toothpaste on his breath, your right hand ruffling and pulling through his hair. his hands run up your sides, right hand pushing between your body and his to thumb your left nipple. his left forearm holds you flush against his chest, his fingers spreading on your skin to squeeze you lightly.

you can’t help but softly huff out a moan at the affection, your left hand holding the side of heeseungs face as he tilts his head into the palm of your hand. you’re surprised at how close he holds you, the way he pulls you into his groin. his right hand moves from your boob to hold your left thigh to his hip, his forearm hooking under it. he hikes it up enough to use the ends of his fingers to hold his tip against your labia. he grinds himself against you once, letting you feel him out.

his left hand moves up to grip the side of your face eagerly, his lips roughly pushing into yours. he’s getting antsy, rocking the both of you to turn to his right. heeseung puts your leg down so you can balance properly as he pushes you into the one shower wall, the tile cold against your back.

the kiss is passionate. his tongue lightly pushing between your lips to find yours. he swirls his tongue around yours once lightly before kissing you again, switching the angling of his head every few kisses. his right hand pushes between your legs, grabbing his boner to run it against your lips to your clitoral hood. he brings it between your labia minora, his hand holding the underside to keep it steady.

it feels amazing, your legs spreading to accommodate him better. the grind is nice and slow, pushing you to grind forward to meet him at his base. he moans softly into your lips, insisting on breathing into your mouth.

“just put it in hee.”

you can’t help but whisper it, growing impatient. heeseung laughs against your lips before using his hands to push you to turn around, your breasts and the left side of your face lightly pressing into the tile.

“someone’s impatient.”

his left hand slips between your bodies to hold his dick up against you again, rubbing his tip up and down your entrance. he lightly rubs it up and down between your lips, focusing on your clit whenever he leans back a little to look down at you. his right hand comes up to lightly smack your ass once, watching the light giggle. the water beats down on the left side of him, washing over yours and his body alike.

“you take birth control?”

you’re shocked by the question, heeseungs face coming into frame.

“yea.”

you’re honestly happy you do, a smile on your face when heeseung pushes in to kiss your right cheek lovingly.

“good, i don’t plan on pulling out.”

the contrast of his words against his personality online is stark—the signing of your nda making more sense as time passes. heeseung wastes no more time than needed, his right hand holding his tip between your labia. he rubs his precum between your lips, mixing your arousal with his. he leaves his dick briefly to reposition your stance, pulling your hips back more so you’re arched better against the wall. heeseung thrusts enough to push two inches in, another three and a half still being hit by the water.

he moans, lightly—but it feels like it’s amplified in your right ear. his hands grip into your hips tightly, his fingers pushing into your flesh. that’s when he slams in completely, buring himself so quickly it punches the air out of your lungs.

“f-fuck!”

you’re shocked by the action, your hands pushing into the tile to find something to anchor you. heeseung doesn’t thrust, lightly grinding into you. his hips roll upwards, pulling back out slightly whenever his hips straighten. it feels perfect—his bottom lip hanging low as he focuses on how you feel. his right hand comes up to run up your back, pushing your heavily soaked hair away to angle it onto your left shoulder.

he studies you, admiring your light brown stretch marks, his thumb lightly running up and down the curve of your ass. he starts to lightly thrust into you normally, your toes gripping into the tile as your ass claps against his groin. the water between you two spark up with each thrust, his grind turning to a forward snap of his hips.

his right hand loops around as he leans into you, the left side of his face in your shoulder blades. his right hands middle finger rubs your clit messily, shaking side to side quickly. you moan pornographically, heeseungs eyes squeezing shut and he moans with you, his left arm wrapping around your stomach. you felt embarrassingly close—not that it took long anyways—heeseung holding off as best he can.

each thrust is precise, the clapping of his skin against yours loud. you’re positive if there’s anyone on the other side of the wall they can hear you two, heeseung pushing you into the tile every two seconds.

“i’m so close hee.”

“s-ame.”

you can feel it building in you, heeseung groaning into your shoulder before placing a kiss into your skin roughly. he doesn’t pull his lips away, keeping them pushed into your skin as he kisses momentarily. he truthfully starts cumming first, his left hand pulling you down on his length as he thrusts quickly, his hand on your clit moving tirelessly. you’re close too, but not enough, feeling the way heeseung hurriedly pulls himself out before stuffing his left hands middle finger and ring finger in as a replacement.

“fuck!”

it takes you by surprise again, his palm slapping into your skin as he fingers you with his cum, pushing it back in as he pulls it out, reaching for something—anything—to help you come quicker. you're appreciate, your back arching more as heeseung stands close, his now depleting erection pushed into your right upper thigh.

"you're so perfect."

he praises you lightly, his voice soft against the patter of the shower. the sound is wet, heeseungs cum seeping out each time he brings his fingers out, small globs of mixed cum dripping off the curve of his fingers to the shower floor. its past steamy in the shower but you can't focus on it, the snap of heeseungs fingers all you can focus on.

your orgasm hits you slowly but surely, another loud moan leaving your lips. heeseung pushes his lips into the side of your nose, wiggling his fingers side to side inside you. you clench tightly around his fingers, your hands coming down to hold heeseungs right hand tightly against your body to grind down on it.

"oh~" "oh?"

he mocks you playfully, the corners of your mouth curling upwards. heeseung doesn't stop until your hands let go of his hand and wrist, slowly pulling out to let the water of the shower run over his hand to wash it off. you pull off the wall to look at heeseung head on, slight exhaustion in your face.

"i have an extra t-shirt you can wear to bed tonight. we all leave early tomorrow morning.”

he comments lightly, both of your fingertips lightly pruning at all the liquid coating them.

"some staff was telling me about getting an uber, am i not doing that?"

you want him to encourage you to stay, a smirk on heeseungs face. he pulls you towards him, his hands coming up to your neck. he kisses the tip of your nose lovingly, looking into your eyes as he walks you both out the line of the shower.

"you can do whatever you want, but i need your number."

© SJYFAVE ON TUMBLR

[dukeofthomas]

I need people to realize how horrible 'stalking/constant surveillance/breaking into each other's homes is how the Batfamily show love' is. Like i really need someone to just acknowledge how horrific saying this bullshit is.

Like even fics where they're shown as happy and healthy and with good ties, you've always got this thing where none of them have privacy or any boundaries with each other. Which is directly antithetical to actually having good relationships. And this invasion via hacking and stalking and breaking into homes is portrayed as a positive, good thing; it's just how they show love and care to each other, after all. But for some reason I just personally don't find stalking, lack of privacy or boundaries, and emotional manipulation funny, endearing, or healthy, and just end up disgusted at the attempt to sweep it all under the rug.

[thelovelylolly]

Hi. I have a request for a loki x female reader. I love his character so much. I would like it too be a short fluffy one.

Can you write a fic about loki and a reader who likes him but is afraid to tell him that, so she avoids him but he realizes that she likes him because he can read her like an open book. And it ending with them kissing for the first time.

Sorry if this sounds confusing. If you can't write this that is fine.

--sam w

Avoiding

Summary : you're a goddess on Asgard, and you've fallen in love with Loki. Warnings: fem! reader, r has long hair but texture and color isn't desc., some self doubt but it's very brief, let me know if i missed anything! Word count: 1.3k (not proofread) Notes: this is so cute! i did give them some more backstory so i hope you enjoy! (also dividers by @saradika-graphics !!)

You loved Loki.

It was plain and simple. You were a goddess on Asgard and had grown up with him while Frigga taught you how to harness your magic. You and Loki clicked instantly, sometimes getting into trouble together or spending quiet afternoons between lessons together. You helped him with his pranks against his brother, he helped you try new things with your magic.

You had a crush on him when you were both children, but you thought it was just a silly childhood crush.

Then, you grew up and it didn't go away.

If anything, your feelings grew stronger and deeper.

You didn't want to ruin the friendship you had with him and he was a prince. You held no title other than 'goddess' and you had heard about all the suitors his father had set up for him. Loki didn't want any of them and always said he'd rather spend his life with you or no one at all.

Surely, he didn't mean that he wanted to court and marry you, right?

He always went straight to you after meeting with suitors, which is where he found you one late afternoon. You were lounging around in the library, re-reading one of your favorite books, when he slipped through the large library doors. He closed them behind him and let out a sigh as he leaned against them.

You looked up from your book with a soft smile. "How'd it go?" You asked, even though you knew the answer.

"Terrible," Loki answered, walking over to you and sitting on the opposite end of the couch you were on. "I don't think my father understands that I'm not interested in these spoiled princes and princesses."

"Aww, you poor thing," you said teasingly, putting your book aside and scooting closer to him. "You have all these perfect options to choose from-"

"You know I don't want any of them," he quickly cut you off, smiling over at you. "But at least this one brought me a present."

"Oh, did they? What was it?"

Loki held his hand up and used his magic to make the gift appear. It was a delicate, gold crown that looked like a vine full of leafs.

"It's beautiful," you quietly said, leaning closer to get a better look.

"I was nice about it, but I knew it would look better on you than me," he replied, taking the crown between his hands and turning to face you. He gently placed it on top of your head, gently pulling a few pieces of your hair out to frame your face.

Your smile fell when you noticed how close the two of you were, your lips slightly parted as your heart raced. His soft smile made your insides melt and all you wanted to do lean forward and kiss him.

"I was right," he whispered, just loud enough for you to hear, "it does look better on you. You look like a queen."

Your gaze fell to his lips. All you had to do was say three little words and lean forward. But that could ruin everything.

Instead, you pulled away and stood up, clearing your throat awkwardly. You grabbed your book and turned towards him as you walked backwards to the doors. "I-I'm sorry, I have to go..." You quickly said before turning and leaving.

Loki watched the doors close behind you, leaving him alone in the library. His smile fell and he leaned against the back of the couch, letting out a sigh.

Something was up with you, and he was going to figure out what it was.

A few days had passed since what happened in the library and you had done your best to avoid Loki. You felt embarrassed and you didn't want to face him. You started to avoid the places the two of you usually frequented and found a nice beach area to escape to. It was hidden by different types of flora from the palace gardens.

However, you kept the crown he gave you. You only took it off to sleep or do your hair, which was always in a style that let you wear the crown. You had gotten compliments from others around the castle and when they asked where it had come from, you simply said it was a gift.

But it was more than a gift to you. It was a slight bit of hope that Loki requited your feelings.

Yet, you were too afraid to tell him and decided that avoiding him would help. Even with your peaceful beach and your favorite books, Loki still took up most, if not all, of your thoughts. Maybe he did know you had feelings for him because he knew you so well.

He knew you well enough to eventually find you on the beach. The sun was just starting to set and it caused the clear, blue waves to sparkle in the late afternoon light. The sun also shined off of the crown on your head, making you easy to spot for Loki.

When he called your name, your heart skipped a beat. You stood up from where you were sitting and reading before turning to him, watching him as he jogged over to you.

"There you are!" He said with a large smile. "I've been looking for you everywhere the past few days, why have you been avoiding me, dear?"

Dear. Gods, you loved him.

"I...I just needed some space, I guess," you replied softly, looking out at the waves next to you two.

"Space to think about your feelings for me?" He asked with a hint of teasing in his tone.

Your head whipped around and you looked at him with wide eyes. "W-what do you mean? What feelings-"

"Darling, we've been friends since we were children, I know you," he reached for your hands, taking them in his, "I figured out you had feelings for me only recently, so don't think I've been leading you on or anything. I've been trying to figure out how to tell you that I love you."

"You...what?" You were still surprised he found out, but now he admitted he loved you? Your mind was racing and so was your heart as you stepped closer to him. "You love me, too?"

"Of course I do, darling," he said, trailing his hands up your arms to hold your waist as he pulled you closer. "Why else do you think I've rejected all the suitors my father set up for me? Why do you think I gave you that crown?"

He leaned closer, pressing his forehead against yours before saying, "why do you think I spend every second I can with you?"

You took a deep breath, letting out a relieved sigh. "I was scared I was going to ruin what we have," you whispered.

He reached one hand up and cupped your cheek, running his thumb across your skin gently. "You could never ruin it, darling."

You slowly started to lean closer, the gap between you and him closing. He met you half way and pressed his lips to yours.

You had imagined his kiss many times, but none of it compared to real life. He was soft and gently, but still held you tight and close. He knew where to place his hands, how to move his lips against yours, and when to pull away.

It wasn't a short kiss, nor was it long, but you immediately missed the feeling of his lips on yours. However, the look he gave you silently told you that more were to come.

"Would you allow me to court you, darling?" He asked softly, still holding you close to him.

"Of course, Loki," you answered, smiling up at him, "but does your father know?"

He laughed. "No, but I don't care if he approves or not. I want you, I choose you, and he'll have to be okay with that because I'm never going to change my mind."

[tonberry-yoda]

Off Guard - Toji Fushiguro

notes - I don't want to be a mother, but the urge to write a fluffy parent fic hits sometimes, and I have been brainrotting for an AU where Toji is a good dad and a good husband. Also this is the first time I'm writing for Toji <3 Glad I can spawn in every once and a while to drop something :) Hope you are all well !! word count - 788 genre - fluff

It was strange to see Toji’s soft side. Even though the two of you were married and he had been the little spoon on more than one occasion, it was still rare to see him smile and become a big ball of fluff.

But after you had Megumi, it was getting less and less rare.

You were seeing the love of your life fall in love all over again with another part of you. Another part of the both of you. In his big hands that were able to kill, he held Megumi as if he were going to break. He would press little kisses onto his forehead and even read him bedtime stories.

It was a side of Toji that was new, but so easy to love.

He claimed that he wouldn’t care much for being a father and even told you that he would probably end up doing the bare minimum, but you knew it was a lie. He was scared, and to be honest, you were too. Fear melted, however, when you saw your baby’s face for the first time and Toji cry at your side. You knew immediately that he was going to be the best father ever, even if his insecurity of being a dad got in the way.

Toji would leave quite a bit. It was because of work, obviously, so it didn’t bother you. But eventually, it did start to bother you. As Megumi got older, he began to miss his father and you began to worry more and more about him. You knew that Toji was strong, but he was in a line of work that could get him killed. You weren’t prepared for it to be just you and Megumi, even though most of the time, it already was.

“Toji,” you whispered when Toji had gotten home late, crawling into bed next to you. “Do you ever miss me during the day?”

Toji wrapped his arms around you and pressed a kiss to the back of your ear. “You’re supposed to be asleep.”

“Answer the question.”

“Of course I do.”

You turned to face him and he tipped your chin up. You could barely see him in the dark room, but you knew you were looking into his eyes. “Of course I miss you.”

“What about Megumi?”

“Always.”

You felt his lips meet yours in a passionate kiss, but you still felt off. Toji stopped kissing you and cupped your cheek.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“I’m worried about you.” You heard Megumi shuffle in his crib and you lowered your voice.

“Worried? Why?” Toji whispered.

“What if one day… you don’t come home?” You could feel yourself tearing up, but you didn't want to cry, especially if Megumi heard you.

“y/n,” Toji held you to his chest and you felt yourself relax. He was so warm, “I will always come home.” He kissed you on the forehead and you smiled, falling asleep shortly after.

You trusted Toji. After that, you knew he would keep his promise, and just like he said, he always came home. He began to bring home flowers or little toys for Megumi, and he started feeling more present, even though he was gone just the same.

On his days off, he would care for Megumi and let you relax. He would play with him in the backyard or color with him in the house and you would watch from afar with a smile painting your lips.

You fell in love with those boys so hard that sometimes it was hard to just watch.

Once, when Toji was showing Megumi how strong he was by lifting your son only with his bicep, you stepped outside, letting the cool summer breeze hit your hair. You walked to Toji and Megumi – who were non stop giggling –  and you pressed a kiss onto Toji’s cheek. Somehow, he got flustered and looked at you in shock. You smiled at him and he tucked his own hair behind his ear with his free hand. You giggled and pointed to Megumi, who looked like he was going to fall at any moment, and Toji cursed under his breath and helped Megumi, letting the boy crawl onto his back.

His attention quickly turned back to you, though, and he pulled you in for a kiss. You both ignored Megumi trying to pull out his father’s hair in the process and instead focused on Toji’s arm wrapping around your waist and the small, “I love you,” that escaped him before he went into the house to make lunch.

You stood in the grass barefoot and watched the golden sun set. Everything felt right and you knew it was going to stay this way.

~~~~~

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2024 @tonberry-yoda – do not repost or claim ANY of my work as your own! likes, reblogs, and comments are not only welcome, but appreciated

~~~~~

[thefuzzyaya]

So, I've been reading a lot of Naruto fanfiction lately, and I thought about writing one little thing that might help when you write Sasuke-centric fics. It is not major, just me being quite specific and a little nerdy. But...

As much as I like the whole joke of Sasuke liking tomatoes, I think we should stop feeding him tomatoes only lol. No one can survive on tomatoes only, even him.

So according to official data, Sasuke's favourite food is actually "okaka musubi" and I think partially it is rarely used in fics because.. well, it is not that familiar to people outside of Japan (also it is not as cute as tomatoes, I agree lol).

Okaka is bonito (a type of fish) flakes. They look like this,

it is smoked fish that gets kind of hard and you can shave the flakes off of it. Some people often mistake it for wood when they first see it. The flavour is smokey, and a bit salty, it is not as fishy as you'd imagine and can be described as "umami". It is usually sold as flakes already and is cheap.

Omusubi is pretty much the same as onigiri, rice balls. One of the easiest foods to make. They are also very easy to take with you on the road. So it is very convenient for ninjas.

So Sasuke liking okaka musubi also tells a lot about him: it is convenient, very simple and cheap to make.

The easiest way to make them is by mixing flakes with soy sauce and putting them in rice. If you are particularly lazy, you don't even have to make them ball-shaped, just put it on rice and eat it this way.

If you want to impress Sasuke (lol) in your fic, you can make double stuffed (double lol) okaka onigiri. You put mixed flakes paste inside of a rice ball and then sprinkle it with okaka flakes. You can also mix okaka with cheese.

If you want to leave it simple, but add a bit more to it - add sesame seeds, and sweet sake (just a bit), wrap it with nori (seaweed). You can also add mayo, but I've been told that mayo in onigiri is considered to be a flavour liked by children since it is softer.

So next time you write any character cooking for Sasuke, please feed him a bit of rice and fish, with extra tomatoes on the side.

[marcelineuntitled]

fanart for The Great Miyagi Prefectural Cherry Blossom Viewing by @kings-highway (on ao3)