#if you think this is a very different take on the paul character that's correct!

[motownfiction]

coconut

Emma Jett O’Connor is twenty-six years old, overheating in her childhood bedroom, and trying to update her bio for the Graduate Students page on her department website.

The academic stuff is easy. She knows her research interests like the back of her hand. New Hollywood. Outlaws and gangsters. Obsessed with Easy Rider, even after all this time, which is probably why Daisy is still her best friend. Not a big fan of Midnight Cowboy, but that all goes out the window as soon as Harry Nilsson sings. Everybody’s talkin’ at me. Oh. Too beautiful for a film so upsetting.

But the personal stuff. That’s harder.

Why does she even need to list her personal passions? She doesn’t want to seem approachable. She wants to seem intimidating. That way, when people find out she can be approachable, they’re pleasantly surprised. If she seems too nice right away, people will take advantage of her. Look at Elenore. Sure, she’s a success in the office, but everywhere else … her sister hurts and hurts and hurts. Poor lady.

But the department is making demands, and so, Emma will follow them. If she complies, maybe they’ll let her teach an intermediate Cinema Studies course next year, like they keep promising her they will. Anything to be able to choose her own films.

Personal passions. Personal passions.

Writing, for one. It’s basic enough. Doesn’t tip her hand too much. All academics have to write, but not all academics are passionate about writing. But Emma is. She learned it from her mother, weaver of words and ideas.

Coca-Cola, for another. She got that from her whole family. She remembers going to Michigan to visit her grandparents when she was little and how special she felt when Daddy would let her drink out of the big Coca-Cola glass at his old favorite restaurant. Of course, she won’t say any of that. But she remembers.

Star Wars, for a third. Everyone knows that about her. They’ve known it since the first semester of her master’s program, when she dressed up like Princess Leia for Halloween with no shame. She learned that one from Elenore, who did the same in her first year of law school.

What else should she even list? She opens her phone, thinking maybe one of her silly Pinterest boards will give her an idea. Something interesting but not too personal. But she doesn’t get as far as Pinterest.

She has a text from Paul, and it’s a video.

With her heart thrumming in her ears, she hits the play button. Why is her hand shaking?

Because there’s Paul, at his hotel in Orlando where he’s giving a paper on Batman Forever, wearing a stupid (read: adorable) tropical shirt, a stupid (read: sweet) hat like a dad on vacation, and bobbing his head in time with the radio behind him.

You put the lime in the coconut and drink it all up …

Emma giggles.

More Harry Nilsson.

She reads the little blurb under Paul’s video and giggles even more.

What do you think? the bubble reads. Dorky enough?

She laughs as she types, probably a little too eager, but she doesn’t care.

Definitely, she writes back. Maybe maximum dork.

She sighs. Yes. He could be her fourth passion. Paul Westerberg Donnelly, thirty-three years old, fair reddish hair, named after the frontman of The Replacements, also going into his third year of the Ph.D. program in Emma’s department. They’re office mates. Initially, Emma was worried to share a space with him because he was a little older (and a guy). But the first time she saw him laugh, it was all over. His eyes damn near glittered, and she realized they were blue, a little like hers. He didn’t lean back like most people. He leaned to the side, like he was trying to dodge the joke. From then on, she knew they would get along. From then on, she knew she could love him forever if he would let her.

They’re not dating. They’ve never kissed, held hands, or admitted anything. But Emma knows there’s something. A vibe, as her students might call it. She’s not sure if she should say anything, or if she should wait for him. All she knows is that she doesn’t want to be embarrassed. All she knows is that when she looks at him, it feels like love.

She puts a playlist on shuffle. Really, she shouldn’t even be surprised.

Can’t live … if livin’ is without you …

Yes. Paul Donnelly is Emma O’Connor’s fourth passion. But she writes down music instead.

[fuckyeahisawthat]

There are so many places in the Villeneuve Dune adaptations where he just...takes all the narrative pieces that Frank Herbert laid out and subtly rearranges them into something that tells the story better--that creates dramatic tension where you need it, communicates the themes and message of the book more clearly, or corrects something in the text that contradicts or undermines what Herbert said he was trying to say.

The fedaykin are probably my favorite example of this. I just re-read a little part of the book and got smacked in the face with how different they are.

(under the cut for book spoilers and length)

The fedaykin in the book are Paul's personal followers, sort of his personal guard. They show up after his legend has already started growing (the word doesn't appear in the book until chapter 40) and they are people who have specifically dedicated themselves to fighting for him, and right from the moment they're introduced there is a kind of implied fanaticism to their militancy that's a bit uncomfortable to read. They're the most ardent believers in Paul's messianic status and willing to die for him. (They are also, as far as you can tell from the text, all men.)

In the book, as far as I can remember (I could be forgetting some small detail but I don't think so) there is no mention of armed resistance to colonialism on Arrakis before Paul shows up. As far as we know, he created it. ETA: Okay I actually went back and checked on this and while we hear about the Fremen being "a thorn in the side" of the Harkonnens and we know that they are good fighters, we don't see anything other than possibly one bit of industrial sabotage. The book is very clear that the organized military force we see in the second half was armed and trained by Paul. This is exacerbated by the two-year time jump in the book, which means we never see how Paul goes from being a newly deposed ex-colonial overlord running for his life to someone who has his own private militia of people ready to give their lives for him.

The movie completely flips all these dynamics on their head in ways that add up to a radical change in meaning.

The fedaykin in the movie are an already-existing guerrilla resistance movement on Arrakis that formed long before Paul showed up. Literally the first thing we learn about the Fremen, less that two minutes into the first movie, is that they are fighting back against the colonization and exploitation of their home and have been for decades.

The movie fedaykin also start out being the most skeptical of the prophecy about Paul, which is a great choice from both a political and a character standpoint. Of course they're skeptical. If you're part of a small guerrilla force repeatedly going up against a much bigger and stronger imperial army...you have to believe in your own agency. You have to believe that it is possible to win, and that this tiny little chip in the armor of a giant terrifying military machine that you are making right now will make a difference in the end. These are the people who are directly on the front lines of resisting oppression. They are doing it with their own sweat, blood and ingenuity, and they are not about to wait around for some messiah who may never come.

From a character standpoint, this is really the best possible environment you could put Paul Atreides in if you want to keep him humble. He doesn't get any automatic respect handed to him due to title or birthright or religious belief. He has to prove himself--not as any kind of savior but as a good fighter and a reliable member of a collective political project. And he does. This is an environment that really draws out his best qualities. He's a skilled fighter; he's brave (sometimes recklessly so); he's intensely loyal to and protective of people he cares about. He is not too proud to learn from others and work hard in an egalitarian environment where he gets no special treatment or extra glory. The longer he spends with the fedaykin the more his allegiance shifts from Atreides to Fremen, and the more skeptical he himself becomes about the prophecy. This sets up the conflict with Jessica, which comes to a head before she leaves for the south. And his political sincerity--that he genuinely comes to believe that these people deserve liberation from all colonial forces and his only role should be to help where he can--is what makes the tragedy work. Because in the end we know he will betray all these values and become the exact thing he said he didn't want to be.

There's another layer of meaning to all this that I don't know if the filmmakers were even aware of. ETA: rescinding my doubt cause based on some of Villeneuve's other projects I'm pretty sure he could work it out. Given the time period (1960s) and Herbert's propensity for using Arabic or Arabic-inspired words for aspects of Fremen culture, it seems very likely that the made-up word fedaykin was taken from fedayeen, a real Arabic word that was frequently used untranslated in American news media at the time, usually to refer to Palestinian armed resistance groups.

Fedayeen is usually translated into English as fighter, guerrilla, militant or something similar. The translation of fedaykin that Herbert provides in Dune is "death commando"...which is a whole bucket of yikes in my opinion, but it's not entirely absurd if we're assuming that this fake word and the real word fedayeen function in the same way. A more literal translation of fedayeen is "self-sacrificer," as in willing, intentional self-sacrifice for a political cause, up to and including sacrificing your life.

If you apply this logic to Dune, it means that Villeneuve has actually shifted the meaning of this word in-universe, from fighters who are willing to sacrifice themselves for Paul to fighters who are willing to sacrifice themselves for their people. And the fedaykin are no longer a group created for Paul but a group that Paul counts himself as part of, one member among equals. Which is just WILDLY different from what's in the book. And so much better in my opinion.

[nobodysdaydreams]

In Honor of All Saints Day, Here's Some Random Assumptions About My Followers Based on Their Favorite Saints 😇

Please note this is a merely for fun and not meant to offend anyone, please be kind, thank you. Also, I obviously can't possibly include every saint here, so I'm just gonna stick to some of the ones I think are most likely to be favorites of my followers.

Saint Joan of Arc- I'll start with arguably the most popular one, or at least the one I see posted or discussed online the most. If your favorite saint is St. Joan of Arc, there's a good chance you're an atheist who doesn't vibe with saints in general, but likes her because she's a girl with a sword and that's objectively awesome. You're correct for that, and welcome to the post. Another option is that you're a girl who was labeled a "tomboy" growing up.

Saint Paul- if your favorite saint is St. Paul, you have a blog or a significant portion of your blog dedicated to one ex-villain character whose redemption arc you could rewatch on loop for hours. You also might be Protestant, and yes, this particular St. Paul is the same Paul from the Bible. Welcome to the post. ✝️

Saint Olga- if your favorite saint is St. Olga, you support women's rights, but more importantly, you forgive women's wrongs. There have been several times when you've gotten upset about people questioning the validity of a female character's redemption considering her past when they overlook and forgive way worse done by male characters. There's also a chance you might be Orthodox. Welcome to the post. ☦️

Saint Nicholas- if your favorite saint is St. Nicholas, there is a chance you followed me for TMBS content. Your favorite holiday is Christmas, and you're still hyperfixated on the same book series or television show from your childhood. You're also extremely passionate about your fandoms and can't stand it when people grossly misinterpret characters or things in canon.

Saint Benedict- if your favorite saint is St. Benedict, you also probably followed me for TMBS content. You're also a very humble and unproblematic person but the haters are bitter and always trying to bring you down (via their jealousy and also poison, but you can't be stopped).

Saint Scholastica- if your favorite saint is St. Scholastica, you also might have followed me for TMBS content because you know that she's Benedict's twin sister. You also wish that God would summon storms for you whenever you find your brother annoying.

The Virgin Mary, Mother of Jesus- if you picked the Virgin Mary, you're neurodivergent, specifically the type of neurodivergent who loved those card games where characters had different levels of power. You take a similar approach to picking your favorite saint, so why wouldn't you go straight for the one that is objectively the most powerful and the best one? It just makes to most sense to you, and the thing is, you're right. You're 100% right. Congrats!

Saint Cecilia- if your favorite saint is St. Cecilia, you're a musician and were in choir either at school or church. You also probably are/were a theater kid.

Saint Lawrence- if your favorite saint is St. Lawrence, you were definitely a theater kid and tried stand up comedy at least once. You also use jokes and humor to cope with stressful situations.

Saint Josephine Bakhita- if your favorite saint is St. Josephine, you are one of those people who somehow remains positive and sees the sliver lining in literally any circumstance. Don't get me wrong, I love that for you, but please take care of yourself. 🫂❤️‍🩹

Saint Dymphna- if your favorite saint is St. Dymphna, you are neurodivergent, have struggled with mental illness, work in psychiatric or medical care, or you’ve dealt with a lot in your life, and I hope you heal. 🫂❤️‍🩹

Saint Kateri Tekakwitha- if your favorite saint is Saint Kateri, you're sick of your relatives pressuring you to date someone, and you're extremely worried about climate change (girl, me too).

Saint Anthony- if your favorite saint is St. Anthony, you have ADHD and lose things multiple times a week. On the off chance you followed me for Wolf359 content, you identified way too strongly with Doug Eiffel.

Saint Peter- if your favorite saint is saint Peter, you either watch "The Chosen" or you have ADHD and felt seen when you read about him in the Bible. That man boldly declared he would never deny Jesus and when told he would do it before a rooster crowed three times, to which he confidently replied "nah" and then immediately got distracted and preoccupied with cutting some guy's ear off and forgot all about the oddly specific terrible thing he was prophesied to do just a few hours earlier by a man he believed to be God incarnate. As someone who also breaks down in tears when I suddenly remember the important things I forget to keep track of, I sympathize with his story. Saint Dymphna is patroness of most mental illness and ADHD is technically covered by her, but if we ever get an ADHD specific saint, I know it has to be either be Peter or Anthony, and if it were entirely up to me, I'd give it to Peter. Don't get me wrong, Saint Anthony is there for us, but Saint Peter is one of us, you know what I mean? Though I feel like due to the problematic nature of diagnosing the deceased (no matter how evident symptoms might be) it would end up going to Anthony, since we do call on him often, and I think Peter would be fine with that.

Saint Mark Ji Tianxiang- if your favorite saint is St. Mark Ji Tianxiang, you or someone you know is probably in recovery from addiction, and I wish you well on your journey. You also empathize way too much with any character who suffers from addiction and if you followed me for Wolf359, that was the aspect of Doug Eiffel's character that stood out to you the most. 🫂❤️‍🩹

Saint Catherine of Siena- if your favorite saint is Saint Catherine of Siena, you've probably written a book or fanfic well over 100k words. (Yes, I know, you don't have to say it).

Saint Francis of Assisi- if your favorite saint is Saint Francis of Assisi, you either have pets or want them, and if you do have them, you've taken them or begged your parents to let you take them to a St. Francis feast day pet blessing. If you followed me for TMBS, SQ is probably your favorite character, and if you followed me for Wolf359 content, you were inconsolable when Blessie died. You're also probably the kind of neurodivergent who takes things like "if you want to follow God, sell all you have and give it to the poor" literally and as a result, this has caused conflict with your family (specifically on account of you giving all the money made from your family business to the poor).

Saint Joseph- I doubt I have a lot of followers who are parents because of how tumblr demographics skew, but if your favorite saint is Saint Joseph, you just became a dad or really want to become one someday.

Saint Monica- again, I doubt this is the case because of the age of tumblr demographics, but if your favorite saint is Saint Monica, you're a mom who really needs a break, and I hope your husband and sons get it together soon. 🫂❤️‍🩹

Saint Augustine- if your favorite saint is St. Augustine, you also like redemption arcs and likely went through a "party phase" at some point in your life that you regret and identify a bit too strongly with the younger brother in the prodigal son parable. However, in this case, you likely also love St. Monica and if you followed me for Star Wars content, you are particularly upset that we didn't get to see more interactions between Leia Organa and her son Benny Solo especially considering they led a whole war against each other the year between TLJ and TROS (dead horse, I know).

Saint Juan Diego Cuauhtlatoatzin- if your favorite saint is St. Juan Diego, you have or grew up with a picture of Our Lady of Guadalupe somewhere in your house. You've also been in the incredibly specific situation of seeing or doing something super cool, but not having anyone believe you (but the satisfying payoff when they find out you were right).

Saint Mary Magdalene- if your favorite saint is St. Mary Magdalene, you either watch "The Chosen" or you're a woman who's faith pulled her out of a very difficult time in her life, and like St. Juan Diego, you also know what it's like to be proven right after a group of men call you a liar.

Saints Louis Martin and Marie-Azélie Guérin (Zélie)- if these are your favorite saints, you understand why you can't just pick one. This power couple comes in a set. If you picked these two, you heard about them because your favorite saint might actually be or have been their very famous daughter St. Thérèse of Lisieux. And if you're a guy and you picked these two, you're also a proud girl dad and can't stop bragging to everyone you meet about how successful your wife's business is (especially because she's so humble about it). Green flags all around.

Saint Maximilian Kolbe- if St. Maximilian is your favorite saint, you're a history guy or gal who is obsessed with world war two, but in a good way. In the "this was very not cool. Let's never forget so we never do this again" way. You also love stories of heroic sacrifice and aspire to always do the right thing even when it’s not socially popular or doesn’t benefit you.

(Soon to be canonized) Saint Carlo Acutis- You're a millennial or gen z who loves researching and talking about modern saints. You aspire to be like them and have a list of ones you want canonized (mine are Servant of God Dorothy Day and Archbishop Joseph Francis Rummel. They lived in the 20th Century and when you're dealing with 2,000 years of history, that's pretty modern).

I'm sure I'll think of more to add after I post this, but I'll leave it here for now. I hope y'all enjoy this!

[seventeendeer]

Hullo, I wanted to ask you something about your Tf2 analysis from a while ago (which I really really appreciate and think about often with a more than recommended amount of skepticism to accompany my enthusiasm, I'm not going to go debate lord on you though) and I'm not too sure how to go about it or if I should. I'm nervous. Nonetheless:

You've outlined the improvident way that it was revealed that Spy is Scout's absent-yet-presently-present father and why that was a such a folly in the initial discretion of the game, as well as how that could have been executed differently while maintaining and potentially expanding it's comedic satire that it is dependent on. My question is: Do you think that, with the same retconish way that occured with Scout and Miss Pauling, there could have been a way for them to avoid the foiling trope without taking away from their own premises, too?

If it helps I'm completely neutral on it as a ship and am not pushing for some shippy debate thing, from skimming over your blog I've superficially gathered some critique on gender politics, correct me if I'm wrong but mostly as it pertains to heteronormative, patriarchal, generally inflexible presentation in media. So I'm really curious on how that could be applied here! Sorry for this strange, lengthy ask.

disclaimer up front that it's been a while since I made that analysis post and I barely remember what I said in it, and I might not even agree with all of it myself anymore (aside from like. the basics. TF2 is satirical comedy, the comics fucked up by overlooking the "satire" aspect, Spy being Scout's real dad was a stupid twist that ruins a perfectly good joke for the sake of a very silly plotline with poor payoff, etc)

that aside, Scout and Ms. Pauling ..? it's really hard for me to imagine a way they could have ended up together that wouldn't feel contrived.

Ms. Pauling's character in the comics is, in general, on very shaky ground with the game's tone, in my opinion. she's severely held back by the fact that she was not created to be a major character in the first place - her character design is understated and unfocused, her personality is quiet and mellow in a world full of bombastic characters who easily outshine her, and she cannot easily produce natural-feeling comedy. it's clear that she was created to be an extension of the Administrator's character first and foremost, and a "straight man" for zanier characters to bounce off of as a hard second priority. she was supposed to stand in the background and look normal and non-threatening as a foil to the main cast, and occasionally imply that the Administrator has eyes and ears everywhere, and is constantly pulling strings from behind the scenes.

Ms. Pauling worked extremely well for the role intended for her, but pulling her into the spotlight and essentially making her the protagonist of the longform comic was a mistake, in my opinion. she's not funny enough to make good use of her "screentime" and attempts to make her funny often feel too noncommittal and cutesy contrasted with the rest of the cast, because getting too crazy with it would feel out of character. on the contrary, the more serious and emotional aspects added to her feel too vulnerable next to all of these stone-cold (and largely-male) killers she's hanging out with. these missteps, combined with being the female character with by far the most focus in a mostly-male cast, makes her feel like a shitty "the girl one" stereotype.

for that reason, I don't think she could have ended up with Scout without the relationship feeling forced and distractingly heteronormative.

our main woman being smaller, cuter, quieter, more well-mannered, less quirky, less bombastic, and overall less impactful than all the male characters is one thing (that already sucks). but then also ending up with the shitty sexist guy who's been harassing her since the moment they were on the same comic page together? miserable. unsalvageable. then we're at a critical amount of shitty tropes stacked on top of each other

Ms. Pauling's one saving grace in all of this is that at the very least, her character orbited another female character this whole time, and her entire arc is about her relationship to this other woman. I genuinely really, really enjoyed that aspect of the comic. I think the whole plotline was a poor choice for a TF2 comic specifically, but if it hadn't been a TF2 comic? Ms. P would've been a way more enjoyable character, with so much less baggage. her relationship with the Administrator is fascinating, and the way the narrative essentially used her as a crowbar to open up the treasure chest of secrets that is the Administrator's motives and backstory was fantastic.

it just would've been better as its own thing. controversially, I think the TF2 comics should've been about the main characters from TF2, not some random minor character who got promoted into a main character role that she really wasn't fit for. and also if you're gonna promote a random side character to protagonist, at the very least pick someone who works for the genre and tone. or at least find a way to make her character enjoyable on the first read, instead of only in retrospect when you know the big twist at the end.

the writers couldn't figure out how to do any of that, but at least they didn't make their extremely mid Relatable Girl Protagonist kiss some annoying dude. she spent the whole comic obsessed with an insane gilfy old girlboss. and isn't that all any of us can hope for

[widowshill]

Top 3 Vicki's parentage theories! Dealer's choice if this is "top 3 by likelihood and/or thematic resonances" or "top 3 by amusing you the most". Please and thank you!

Sleepover asks.

this is very long so the summary is:

Paul and Betty

Jamison and Betty

Hansen and Betty

the funnie version:

Liz and Burke

Liz and Quentin

Liz and Dick Garner

explanations below!

1. Paul and Betty. as far as I know this is where they were heading in the very beginning, so even though it's sort of the boring, bookish answer, this is the one that, in my opinion, matches up with the lion's share of character motivations and behavior, and the clues that we're given, as well as ... the most interesting from a character arc perspective, for Vicki.

my overall opinion (and I know this is different from vast swaths of the fandom, I'm not saying it's the correct one! just that it's mine) is that Liz's behavior, attitude, general demeanor towards Vicki at the start makes sense as a sin she feels she owes obligation towards, rather than a secret of her own that she's hiding — a mistake of Paul's, or Roger's, or Jamison's (etc.), that needs attending. I'm taking it as pretty much fact that Liz is responsible for the $50 every month sent to the foundling home from Bangor (via Dick Garner's office), based mostly on the phone call she receives from him after Vicki's visit. the fact that the money started coming at the time of Paul's "disappearance" makes sense to me as a kind of settling of accounts, or act of contrition, for killing him — that she can act as benefactor to his child who is herself an innocent, even if Liz might (rightfully) resent her existence: not yet loved enough to say, adopt her, or otherwise get her out of that situation entirely.

she would feel especially responsible because the Hanscombe's were evidently part of the staff at Collinwood, all of whom she dismissed after Paul's death, putting them out of a job and forcing them to relocate. so she has a double-obligation in that sense, originating at the same period and via the same act. providing for their child goes a little way towards easing her conscience, which she only feels a duty towards after Paul's death — she doesn't send money the first two years at the foundling home, which I think she likely would have, had Vicki been her own daughter.

given the way Liz treats Carolyn and David — protecting them at all costs, willing to forgive any mistake or attitude or wrongdoing (even patricide!), loving them tremendously despite the sins of their fathers — I find it hard to reconcile her initial coldness towards Vicki, and her temper and intent to fire her over small missteps — i.e. playing hooky to get breakfast at Roger's invitation — with a belief that she's Liz's daughter. even with the allowance that she's illegitimate, or that Liz regards her as a mistake or personal failing, it doesn't match what I would expect from Liz (particularly given that David is dubiously legitimate, and Carolyn is the result of another mistake — her marriage to Paul). on the other hand, I would expect her to hold Paul's bastard child to a very high standard of industriousness and loyalty (before she starts to love Vicki in her own right); to invite her to the house on the strict, practical basis of employment, not as a guest; to serve as a natural companion for Carolyn as her half-sister; and to want to keep all the family secrets underfoot.

why I believe so strongly in Betty as her mother has to do with two reasons. the first is Watsonian, which is that Elizabeth lies, and instructs Roger very forcibly to lie, about Vicki's resemblance to the portrait, to convince her that there is no link between herself and Betty, which certainly suggests to me that there is a very close link of some kind. the second reason, Doylist, is that portraits play such a pivotal role throughout Dark Shadows as a marker of identity and bloodline. Barnabas' portrait proving his descent from the Collinses to the family, and proving his vampirism to us; Laura's portrait revealing her as monster and her intentions towards David; Angelique's proving her identity in her various modern guises; Quentin's portrait holding the truth of his years and condition; and so on, etc. Burke is able to question Sam and interrogate the truth while Sam paints his portrait; Tate quite literally creates reality from canvas and brush; when Laura wants to stop Sam's (Josette's) interference leading Vicki et al. to the truth, she doesn't need to kill him, she only needs to take away his ability to paint. and the paintings of ancestors adorning the halls provide the Collinses with a sense of history, purpose, duty, and blood. Jeremiah's portrait is guiding for Liz; scrutinizing for Roger; revulsive for Carolyn; and aspirational, even, for Burke. in that thematic backdrop, Vicki finding a portrait of a woman who resembles her exactly, is perhaps the most significant clue Dark Shadows can offer to the heart of who she is. words — stories and official histories — are variable and fault-ridden in Collinsport, but there is truth and preservation in oils.

that's partly why I'm willing to brush off Sam's account that Betty died before Vicki was born. and Sam is not, by any stretch, a faultless narrator: whether he's deliberately lying, or just misremembering, or mixing it up because of the quantity of liquor in the last decade, a few years give or take in Sam's memory is not significant enough for me to discount Betty. I will say, as a caveat, that the link to Betty doesn't necessarily mean she was her mother: I've seen it suggested that Betty could have been her half sister (via Liz and the butler Hanscombe) or that the portrait is of Liz (Betty being a nickname for Elizabeth). And I think both of those are reasonable interpretations! I think having different mothers and having that strong of a resemblance is very unlikely, though; and Sam's description of Betty doesn't necessarily read to me like he's talking about a young Liz Collins, nor do Roger or Carolyn remark on it looking like an old picture of her. if Jason, or Paul, would have come back and referred to her as Betty as an outdated nickname she no longer uses, or Bette, I'd be sold. As it is, I think direct descendant is the strongest read: that Betty's sudden moving away that Sam remembers was a result of the shame of getting pregnant by her employers, and without means to support her daughter (certainly no sympathy from Paul, or from his wife) gave her up. Which would mean that the portrait of Betty is, in a way, Vicki's ancestral portrait — or a mirror to them, anyway.

the reason that I'm partial to Paul as the father — aside from contributing to Liz's sense of obligation and repentance, and accounting for her coolness towards Vicki at the start — is because I think it makes a lot of sense for Vicki, narratively, to be entwined with the Collinses without being blood related (well, except to Carolyn). and by that I mean discovering she's a Collins is what Vicki wants — to neatly have her wishes granted, to give her a name and a place in the family, is not by my reckoning very compelling. frustrating her a little bit by not making her a Collins by blood, and instead having the circumstances of her birth being a little sordid, challenges her ideas that where she comes from biologically correlates directly into who she is and where she belongs — instead, finding family and the love she's seeking without blood ties to them. and I think there are a few moments that support Vicki not having any Collins blood — like not being able to buy the house by the sea, Liz confessing nothing before her attempted suicide, Liz not intervening when Roger is taking her out on dates, Vicki not having anyone she resembles in the past and instead being matched with the governess — but overall, it's the strength of my wanting Vicki's primary journey to be flawed, and to be a road to change, instead of remaining static.

it's no secret to anyone that I would prefer her to be a Collins by marriage and I will, readily, confess that the more I grew attached to Roger/Vicki the less I became interested in Liz as her mother. But that brings me to my next and final point, which is her connection to Josette, who was a Collins via marriage and not by birth. Unlike in the 1991 revival, they aren't twins, or direct reincarnations, even if Vicki sees some similarity in their appearance — she does, though, feel a close emotional and supernatural tie to Josette, and this specifically plays out during the Laura arc. What interests me is that Josette specifically appears to Vicki and David and makes a concerted effort to protect them — that Josette, in the story that is told at the start of the show, is the patron saint of lonely, miserable outsiders. Vicki and David both have some mystery surrounding their bloodline and their status as Collinses — they both feel loneliness achingly, and the people who were supposed to love them, their parents, did not love them like they should have. In many ways, David is as much an orphan as Vicki is, for all that Roger is a present and loving father; David's mother is either absent or fillicidal or dead. I think it's particularly resonant if you take the reading that neither Vicki nor David are Collinses by blood, and that Josette takes a special affinity to them for that reason — that they, like her, are outsiders among the Collins family, with no blood ties, their lives threatened through the family sins.

(worth briefly noting Roger's assurance to Vicki that "[the widows] cry, Miss Winters, but they won't harm you. Not you. You're my son's governess, not a member of the family" and Josette + Bill rallying the widows to protect Vicki and kill Matthew)

it's not definitive: there is that story Liz relays about Josette protecting her great aunt as a child — and I think it's pretty likely that the aunt is Judith, not Jenny or Laura. but I think reading Vicki as outsider, as opposed to a secret Collins princess, adds a little more weight to her, and Josette's, and David's story — moreover that it makes the way the rest of the family come to love her as one of their own a little more significant, as opposed to being Liz's daughter all along and treating her like the help all the while. plus Vicki could legally marry roger <3 yay

2. Jamison and Betty. I'll try not to repeat myself too much as many of the justifications for Paul and Betty are the same here: Vicki being a sin that Liz feels obligation towards, Betty's portrait having meaning within the broader narrative of Dark Shadows paintings, Liz's behavior not quite what I would expect towards her own daughter. Jamison is, I think, the best contender for the parent by which Vicki would have a blood relationship to the Collins family: Roger is technically an option, but no one seems to theorize his involvement with any conviction. With good reason — he'd have been very young, he was away at school for most of that period in time, she looks nothing like Roger, Roger doesn't seem to know who Betty is or even wonder that there was an illegitimate birth that could have produced a mysterious governess. Their father, on the other hand, would have had control over the household and the means to coerce a member of the staff into bed — which I do not say with any particularly negative opinion of Jamison, other than he was a man with wealth and power in America in the 20th century, and probably acted as any other man in his position has done. Collinses in particular, no matter the gender, have a particular affinity for seducing their own employees. Jamison, I think it's fair to say, regarded his uncle Quentin as role model, mentor, and close friend more than his own father, so it's reasonable to suspect that Jamison adopted a few of Quentin's habits into adulthood.

Notably: Jamison died around the same time Vicki was born, in the mid 1940's. For much the same reasons Liz could have felt it necessary to provide for Paul's child, she could have seen to it that her father's was attended to — penance for a family sin; a lone leaf of the Collins family kept out of poverty — with the added sense of duty that this girl is their half sister, though due to age and circumstances she'll never be acknowledged as such. It's possible, too, that Jamison wished for Vicki to be provided for upon his death, and that's why the $50 was sent every month (the math gets a little iffy, there, because Jamison died before 1947, so again we're faced with the problem of why they waited until Vicki was 2 years old to send her money) But! It might have contributed; perhaps Liz didn't know where Vicki had been taken and had to have it investigated, debated on whether or not to acknowledge her, etc. It feels relevant in any case that Vicki's birth, Carolyn's birth, Jamison's death, Liz's marriage to Paul, and Paul's death/disappearance all happen within a few years of each other.

I think part of why I find Jamison more compelling than Liz x whoever, is that it's just slightly to the left of what's expected, for Vicki and for the audience; it grants Vicki part of what she wants, but not in the way she wants, and in so doing feels a little more gothic. By which I mean it's uncomfortable for Vicki to discover the truth, not just for Liz to admit: there is no world in which Vicki feels discomfort or unease accepting Liz as her mother, even if she'd feel some sadness or disappointment that Elizabeth lied and kept the truth from her. Accepting Jamison as her father would be difficult for everyone involved, and it would significantly complicate the relationships in the household via that discovery. Though about the same age as Carolyn, she would be her aunt, not her sister — her half sister would be almost 30 years her senior, her half brother 20 years — and that sort of uneasiness in roles in the family is very in line with the gothic tradition, as is the kind of ... sexual disparity between generations, for Jamison to have had a child with a much younger woman near the end of his life. Putting Vicki on the same level as Carolyn feels neat, natural (even when the parent they share is Paul) — putting her on Liz and Roger's is weirder, unnatural. Gothic!

I do think, though, it fits how the family seems to treat her, even though Liz would be the only one that knows the truth — that everyone seems to regard Vicki as an adult who is much more mature than Carolyn; that Roger, for all he calls Vicki a little girl, seems to consider her an equal — or at least an equal threat — and snaps at her as such; Liz's style of cool, strict, disapproving love towards Vicki is more analogous towards that she shows towards her disappointment of a younger brother than the (in my eyes) much warmer and more forgiving love she shows for Carolyn. I don't think it's necessary to attribute that to some unknown blood relationship, as Vicki is more mature than Carolyn, generally, by fact of her circumstances and her personality, but having some element of cri du sang in which Liz and Roger feel akin to her, and Carolyn feels she can depend on her for comfort and guidance, would not be out of place.

I'm also a little more forgiving on elements of the plot where I feel Liz had an opportunity to reveal the truth and didn't: Liz's attempted suicide, the house by the sea, Vicki's marriage, Vicki's attempted suicide, etc. Liz admits to Vicki her worst secret — killing Paul — and demonstrates considerable trust in doing so, well before she's pressed to admit it to the other characters. If it's her secret, I think she'd have folded to Vicki — or to someone! — long ago, but, if it's Jamison's secret that she's keeping for him? it makes tremendously more sense to me that Liz can't bring herself to tell the truth not only because it isn't her secret to tell, but because it would tarnish the memory of her father. Liz says that she "cried for days" when Jamison passed, which doesn't necessarily mean that she idolized him, or had a purely positive and close relationship with him, but she did feel very deeply. It would be very hard for her in that circumstance to own up to what her father had done, and to what she had done in preserving the secret. Too, that she's foisting that uncomfortable familial dynamic not only on Vicki, but on Roger, Carolyn, David, etc, which she'd be (I believe) very, very reluctant to do.

All this to say, it scratches some kind of narrative itch for them to say yes, she's a Collins, but.

3. Hansen and Betty. Is this at all likely or what the author intended? no, not really. does it really interest me as a possibility? yes. admittedly most of this theory has its basis on the scene in 60, when Vicki is asking Sam questions about the portrait of Betty, and Sam slips, and says Hansen, mistakenly, before correcting himself to Hanscombe. then, when Maggie asks him about it, Sam gets a little ... defensive? as if to suggest there's some connection he's not admitting.

there's not a whole lot of contributing evidence for this one other than the similarity in their names — I can believe that Sam might have slipped in his memory and confused the two, that it was Betty Hansen, not Hanscombe, or that Hanscombe was her maiden name. The timelines, admittedly, don't add up to much — there's nothing in Vicki's story that matches with 10 years ago, and little in Betty and Hansen's that coincide with 18 years. other than, as already mentioned, the dismissal of everyone at Collinwood — which is the only real remaining link to Liz, and any reason for Vicki to receive money from Bangor. it's not the strongest case for a connection to the Collins family, I'll admit, though maybe Liz had a mind to hire Vicki after what she suspected Roger had done — a girl twice-orphaned at the hands of the Collinses, though not deliberately — or maybe Hansen was sending money every month, a burden that Liz took up upon his death.

what draws me to it is more-so the fact that this theory gives Hansen, the manslaughter victim, a more significant role in the story. his death barely seems to register on anyone's radar beyond being the inciting event that lead to the trial — Roger's lie and Burke's subsequent wrongful imprisonment, not the loss of life, is the original sin. for one thing, we don't know much of anything about him or his connections despite Collinsport being the type of small town where everyone knows everyone — no one seems angry with Burke (or Roger) for taking a life, no one seems to mourn the victim. this would furnish his life with a little more color, and give us a sense of the ripple effects of Roger's carelessness and cruelty — a girl that Hansen loved, perhaps that he had married; a child that he didn't even know he had, or that he did, and had to watch Betty give up, because neither of them had the money to support a child; becoming a widower after the girl's premature death (not uncommon in Collinsport) and seemingly growing distant and unconnected from everyone else in town afterwards. it's not a terribly unique story, but the (generational!) suffering has the Collins stamp — a habit of throwing townspeople in the meat grinder, especially when they're mostly anonymous and not particularly connected to the family, stripping away any history that isn't their own.

for another — this would make everyone's stories a little more connected, with Vicki serving as the keystone. Liz's secret (Paul and Jason, and the dismissal/self-immurement) is almost entirely separate to Roger's secret (Burke, and the trial, and Laura), and a connection between Hansen and Betty would be a kind of crossing of paths, in a way. It would also make Roger partly involved in Vicki's story, even indirectly, even if her parents gave her up long before the accident — Roger would be the reason she couldn't meet anyone left of her family. there's another version, maybe, where Hansen and Betty are involved, or married, but the baby is still Paul's, in which case everything is still more entangled.

in any case, if it were Betty and Hansen, I do think it would make sense that Burke's investigation into Vicki's past didn't yield anything substantial, because he was looking only for connections to the Collins family. a sudden trip from Liz down to New York to have a baby in secret (at a maternity sanitarium or similar) would not have gone unnoticed by any thorough investigator; and I suspect it would have been pretty easy to find gossip about which servants were favored by the lord of the manor, and a girl who very abruptly disappeared afterwards. it's almost ... ironic, that Burke might have overlooked her past because she was another poor kid from Collinsport with no real ties to the family, without any remaining roots.

part 2 .... funnie.

1. Liz and Burke. Well, to start, Liz does say how very handsome Burke is and seems to really like him more than she should and vice versa, that Burke really likes Liz, likes charming her. If it wasn't for the, well, everything, who can say? maybe they were closer and much friendlier ten years ago. Liz does have a proven penchant for strapping young men working in the Collins enterprises and ambitious smooth-talkers. It'd have practically been cradle robbing, but Burke is quite the charmer, and his jaw is so, so square.

Mostly it amuses me because it would piss Roger off significantly if Burke had gotten Liz pregnant, and to add salt in the wound, now he can't even in good conscience flirt with Vicki (at least not more than the level of flirting to which he's accustomed with his other niece). Plus I think it's great if the big soap opera reveal that the man she's been dating that she's actually related to isn't the one we expect. And Burke does look a little bit like her! sort of.

2. Liz and Quentin. Frankly this is ridiculous and I can't believe this is a semi-canon answer to the question but I haven't stopped laughing about it since I found out about it and I kind of like it the best out of all the semi-canon Liz x whoever's. I mean, why should Roger get all the incest? Why shouldn't Liz get to fuck her super hot 6'2 immortal great uncle who's saved from having every sexually transmitted disease on the strength of his Dorian Gray portrait alone? I'd believe that Quentin has a number of illegitimate Collinses out there in the world. he'd charm Liz. sure. what the hell. that's kind of a difficult one to admit to Vicki. yeah you're a product of incest and also your father was born in the 1870's :/ but he is sooooo good looking and good news, you can still meet him!

3. Liz and Dick Garner. the money comes from Bangor ... Dick Garner knows about Vicki and the money ... Liz has been garnering dick in Bangor ... the answer was staring us in the face all along.

[rebeccalouisaferguson]

Please note: There are major spoilers for both “Silo” and the “Dune” series in this interview.

_____

The Playlist: Congratulations on all the great projects released over the past year. After working on “Mission: Impossible” movies and “Dune” movies, is it hard to show up and have a production set actually impress you?

Rebecca Ferguson: [Laughs.] Yeah.

Did “Silo” impress you?

Yes, but there are two different things. There’s a scale of a set. When you’re, for example, with “Mission,” there’s nothing impressive over the sets because the sets are nature. So, it’s more the fact that you get to act in the environment and Tom’s doing a helicopter stunt. Like, the action is impressive. It’s not the sets and it’s not the environment in that sense because it’s natural, right? It’s beautiful. With “Silo,” the scope and scale of the sets, they’re so huge. And the fact that we actually have the staircase, then you can run maybe two, or three floors. And the visual effects guys, Paul Bongiovanni and Daniel Rauchwerger, and the team, knowing what they create, the collaboration with the set design and the visual effects is phenomenal. It’s absolutely phenomenal. I might have stolen a couple of props from the set, but I also steal by saying, “By the way, I’ve put a couple of props in my bag. You have one minute to take them back.” And if not, they are mine. Because they’re so beautiful. I have so many pictures of things on set. I just walk around.

I love how you give them one minute because that’s not enough time to really think about it.

One minute, that’s all they get.

When the project came to you, had you heard about the book? What was your reaction to it?

Nope. So when “Silo” came, I was given the first six episodes, and I read them, and I really liked it, but there was a little thing I [needed] changed. I got stuck in something. So I was like, “No, this is not the project for me.” So, I’m only telling this story [because] I’ve heard Graham Yost tell it. I would never have told a story that I’ve turned something down that I’m doing. But there was something that I didn’t really grasp in one of the episodes, and it was too big. It was a bit of an issue. And then they came back, and they were like, “Well, what is this issue?”And I was like, “Well, this is the issue.”And they were like, “O.K.” And then they came back, and they had addressed the issue, and I was like, “Oh, huh, interesting.” And then, when they did that, I thought, “Oh, I’m more interested in this.” And then I started the books, and then I was like, “Oh, I’m actually really into this world, but what else?” And then Graham was like, “What if you can become an [Executive Producer] and learn the process of making it and actually have insight into making a TV show?” And I was like, “Next to you, the best producer showrunner, “I mean, and that’s kind of how it came to life. And then I read all of the books and I was deep in it.

But when they sent you the first six episodes, had they told you what the ending of the first season was? I mean, because it’s seemingly very faithful to the book.

No, I think, and I might be lying, but I’m going to go with it. I read the first six episodes and I was caught on the journey up until the moment when I was like, “This isn’t great. This isn’t very good.” And then kind the other episode had to kind of correct itself and it was just a bit of distraction. So. I wasn’t that intrigued when that happened. But then, the second time, it really opened up my interest, and that’s why I was like, “What happens?” I mean, when you start going, “What happens after six? Do you have seven? Do you have eight? What’s going on here?” That’s a good sign.

I have a lot of questions about Juliette, especially the final episode. There’s a great scene where she is shown the video before George’s death. And he sort of sends her a message by looking at the video camera. He knows where the video camera is, and Juliette has a very emotional moment in that scene. Did you get to see the actual footage of him for that, or were you just looking at a green screen and imagining?

I asked for that to play, so I wanted to act against Ferdinand Kingsley‘s scene. So no, no, that was me in the room, and on all of these displays, they put it up. So, I actually saw what I would’ve been looking at.

For many people in Juliette’s situation, that moment might have crushed them, made them not want to keep fighting, and made them want to maybe just sort of accept their fate. But when she gets sentenced to go clean, she seems so confident. She seems so reassured. Which by the way, even if the world out there was all green, it’s still hard, who knows how you’re going to survive? Why do you think she still has that confidence?

I don’t. That is not how I saw it. For me, there’s a moment I think, in people’s lives where enough is enough and there’s a moment where there’s a form of surrender. And when she says, “I’m not afraid,” I think she has never been more afraid. I think that’s how I felt it. I felt “I am afraid. I’m so terrified. But it’s a broken system that I can’t solve here, and this is the next step for me. I agree this is what’s going to happen. I can’t fight this.” So, it’s like nearly a person who’s going to have given up, but you never give up. There’s a little tiny bit of hope, there might be a possibility of surviving. There’s so much in it. It’s not just, “I’m ready, bring it.” She’s petrified.

Do you also feel she’s petrified when she sees what the world actually looks like?

I think at that moment, it’s what everyone feels their own intuitive emotion towards it. But I think for me, in life, we’re telling a story. So we want to tell the grandiosity of what she sees and the impact. Well, when walking over taking those extra steps. But to be honest, I think for her, the fact that she’s taking one step after the other is an achievement and a realization, and it’s a gradual incline of safety. And then boom, there’s new information. That’s the whole journey with Juliette. It’s like a problem-solving, problem-solving, problem. That’s the entire world of “Silo” and the change of character throughout. She starts off as quite selfish. She wants to solve some issues around her own feelings, but that opens up a bigger can of worms. “Oh, there are bigger lies. There are bigger things. Wait, what is the truth? Oh, this is not just about me. I want to give up.” Walker says, “It’s not just about giving up.” “Oh s**t, yeah, this is bigger. Maybe I need to care. Maybe it’s not just about fixing machinery because machinery needs to work, but it needs to actually give life to people. Oh, there’s a symbiosis going on here.” All of this is a gradual incline for Juliette’s character to where we end and where we get to in season two.

At that moment though, at the end, she’s up on the edge of the hill, and she turns around. She’s already discovered that it really is a wasteland out there. She doesn’t jump up and down. She doesn’t do a death sign. She doesn’t do anything to communicate back to the people still in the silo. Did you ask Graham? Did you ask the directors why they didn’t want that? Why do you think she doesn’t try to communicate something to them?

I think she doesn’t because she’s in a new space. I think when you are still absolutely petrified, there is no jumping up and my suit can fucking shred. This is all I have. You are still careful. You are observing. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I mean, what are they going to do? I’m going to jump up and down and they’re going to go, “Oh, come on back in.”? It’s clearly not a system that wants her inside, not to give away too much. So what is she going to do? Save herself by going, “It’s all good.” [Laughs.] Maybe. Look, I’ve walked this far. It’s kind of, there’s not much more to do. It’s more the connection of, “O.K., there you are. I don’t know what I’m looking at, but I’m going to focus. What the f**k is this? Oh, this is out of mind. What the f**k is happening in front of me?”

I don’t know how much you’re on social media in terms of seeing how people react to projects you are a part of, but there is a super passionate fan base for this show, and we were super excited about it. Have you gotten any feedback about that?

I know that a lot of people like it because I know that people are watching it. So, I get digits and numbers, not too much because digits and numbers are important to keep secret, but I know that people love it. And I do see pictures of people from Comic Cons dressed up as Juliette, and I love all of that. But no, I’m terrified of going out on those things because I’m scared I have failed something. Or they’ll ask questions that I’m not intelligent enough to answer.

I don’t want you to give any spoilers, but you had just mentioned when you initially got the scripts for season one you thought changes were needed. Were you pleasantly surprised when the season two scripts arrived?

Yeah. I was like, “I what? And this happens. How are we going to shoot this? Oh my God, does Apple know how much this is going to cost them?” [Laughs.]

One last thing about season two. I know you shot before the strike happened and then you had to go back and finish up afterward, right? Was that a tough transition?

To be honest, it’s like when COVID happened, people were like, “Was it hard for you?” And I think, “No, no, it’s hard for people who actually died and people who had people [who died].” For me, we had to stop because the cause was for a reason. It was for writers, and it was for actors, and things needed to be solved. The fact is, I’m one of the luckiest fortunate ones who can still live during a strike and also take care of the people around me who need help. There was no complaining. I mean, emotionally, did I have to pause a little bit? I mean, yeah, so what, do you know what I mean? We run with it and are grateful for it. But I think what was tricky was…hmmm…so, season two, season two might be filmed in two different locations. We might, right? I’m not going to go into it because I wouldn’t, which means that we could shoot a lot of people out who were in one location. So, the only things left to shoot were me and whatever my world entailed, which meant I was in every scene for the next three months with no break and no one having a scene in between. And I’ve never done that. So, that was tricky. I was from morning to evening, every scene. Every day.

Exhausting.

It was challenging but also fun because you were really in it.

Before I let you go, your “Dune” director, Mr. Villeneuve, after doing so many interviews, said, “I don’t know if I’ll do a third movie. Maybe I’ll do a third movie,” well, now, it’s sort of been revealed he’s writing the third movie, and it will clearly happen. When you were on set, were there any hints there about a third chapter? Did you guys conjecture anything about what the third movie might entail?

I just manipulate. I manipulate I just, whenever I can. Y’know those Coca-Cola commercials, back in the day when they just went Coca-Cola, big pictures, and “Fight Club”? That’s me with Denis. I just whispered little weird things in his ears that I wanted to do. He was like, “Oh, stop it.” Oh, to be honest, it’s completely out of my hands. He has clearly made a spectacular world…

Absolutely, 100%.

And it is banking and people are loving it, and it has the most phenomenal cast in it. Of course, there would be a third one, but it’s a lot of pressure on Denis. It’s a lot of pressure to continue. And when do you make the creative decision? Do you go when it is at the best, or do you make one that could fail and not be as good? It’s a really tricky conversation. It depends on the script; it depends on the money. It depends on all of the actors that have not got a deal for the third film. That’s a lot going on there. So there’s a lot to take into consideration before just writing a third script, you know?

Well, I do think people are excited about it because that third novel is so different, and he’ll have to go in some interesting directions to tie it into maybe the other two.

I mean, I haven’t read it, so I literally dunno. So what happens? Go on.

Oh, I don’t know if we have time to go into all the details. [Laughs.] But, it has been hinted that your character’s son may not be the Messiah that they think he is.

Oh, yeah. I know.

You know that part.

I mean, come on. Clearly, we’re not going to be that close to the book. That’s ridiculous. Although I would love to see Timothee turn into a worm. As long as my character doesn’t go and sit [somewhere] hot and covered in fabrics, I’m happy.

Oh, was it super hot shooting the second film?

No, no, no. But I think in the book she goes away and disappears for a bit and sits. Y’know, she’s Reverend Mothering underneath all of it. [Laughs.]

I can’t imagine she isn’t around more than that. Something tells me that the themes of the first two movies suggest to me at least that she’d be part of it.

I hope so; I mean, I’ll be a teapot.

[haileydilmore]

hi.... i have so many things to say about harmony. if you wanted to discuss her

do you think she's from hatchetfield? went to a different school from zoey/hailey and just never met? or is she from elsewhere...and why on earth would he move to hf LOL

i was also wondering if u have thoughts on umm. why shes with greenpeace. because paul tgwdlm was not incorrect about greenpeace being a really ineffectual way to save the planet. i have a really autism heavy interpretation of this situation but would love to hear urs......

what do u think her dream job was in school. did she want to work with animals or in research or like. obviously she wants to make people care but i dont necessarily think she Aspired to giving lectures on street corners. he knows he probably isn't the ideal person for that (autism) (though that does make her very. shameless. about promoting it)

but like. she definitely wanted to be doing fieldwork right. at least for a bit. girl who needs to be a guy frolicking in the woods. i also think he would maybe enjoy running little nature education programs for kids....... or at least shes the one w all the little fun facts and identification skills. would make a great hiking guide or whatever she's very sure-footed in nature + confident in her sense of direction (hailey is hopeless abt this even in hatchetfield where shes lived her Whole Life + zoey can follow a map but does not know where north is. there is a reason harmony holds the leash shes the only one who knows where theyre going). sorry. rambling. i care her

HIIIIIII HARMONY JONES ASK......my favorite butch. omg.

i definitely do think she's from hatchetfield but went to sycamore.....

can i be so so honest. can i be horribly honest. i have no fucking idea why she's with greenpeace. like i've thought about everything. maybe there's nothing else in hf. maybe that's the best there is. maybe she needs to...start somewhere? i i have no clue. harmony to me is so radical about saving the planet and Greenpeace is just.......not. exactly that.

when i was first writing my harmony character analysis i did a lot of research on like environmental engineering. and i think she does work like that, as in. science. bc i think. okay. i think she might be worried about physical work not being Enough. like she needs to be educating people and what better way to do that than to sit in a lab or do research etc etc etc. She DOES volunteer for lots of things i believe. she loves farms and Does visit perky's buds a lot. to buy weed & visit ziggy. harmony & emma meeting when??? harmonemma i miss you...my ex mutual came up w it i think but they blocked me so i'm taking over. some other time

you are SOOO insanely correct. harmony going to the woods or a field to read a book or study just sitting & admiring nature......every animal every breeze............

every time you talk about leashes in regards to hpg i wag my tail excitedly. literally wings flapping. omg.

[lovingthereign25]

Reconciliation 🖤

Part 1

Arriving at the Alamodome I was nervous which was unusual, I was never nervous coming to a WWE event. Maybe it was the fact that I haven't been to one in over 8 months or maybe it was the fact that I was a surprise entrant in the women's rumble . Either way my nerves were getting to me . I sat in the locker room next to Lana who is one of my very best friends and some of the other girls that I've missed so much being away.

"How's it feel to be back?" Liv asked

"Different….good different. I smile

" I noticed you dropped the Anoa'i in your name, when did that happen?" Nia asked, referring to my marriage. "

A few months ago when they asked to be a surprise entrant" I say

After a while when it's only Lana, Becky , Liv and I, Lana asked the question the others wanted to

" Is it weird being here with Joe?" She asked

"Yes and no, I mean No in the sense that we've obviously see and speak to each other because we have children together so we are civil and communicate for them. Yes in the sense that it's weird not coming out with him and here his last name after mine." I say honestly.

After the women's rumble I sat in the back with everyone watching the rest of the show….the last match Joe's or as he is known in WWE Roman Reigns.

I sat with Lana until two of my favorite people in the business came in.

"Ayyy, there she is Miss "surprise entrant ", Miss " I can't tell family I'm coming back " Jimmy jokes pulling me into a hug.

" Key word …. Surprise" I smirk after hugging Jey .

"It's good to see you back at it, and you still got it" Jey says

"I NEVER lost it" i sass back

"You seen Big Uce yet?" Jimmy asked

" No, but I was just about to watch his match with KO, wanna join?" I ask

" Sure" they both shrug

Watching Joe entrance I couldn't help but think about how good he looked, yea I've seen him since we've broken up but seeing him shirtless, hair down, being his cocky Tribal chief character was still kind of sexy to me. The match started off slow then of course like always built up with Joe taking a few good bumps, one hit in particular Joe was going in for a spear when Kevin moved shoving Joe right into the turnbuckle.

"Shit, he hit his shoulder hard" I say without thinking

" Still in wifey mode?" Jimmy asking smiling

"No, I just don't want him hurt he is the father of my children ' I lie

" Yeah…we'll go with that" he rolled his eyes

A bit later into the match Nia comes in and tells the twins Solo was looking for them, without a word they were gone.

Moments later Joe gets the win and is joined in the ring along with The Usos , Solo and Sami . They attacked Kevin, handcuffing him and giving him as they would call it a "Bloodline bet down" .

Next thing I know Sami is hitting Joe across the back with a chair, unlocking a sore memory of when a similar situation happened with The Shield.

I couldn't even tell you what happened next all I could pay attention to was the welt that now formed on Joe's back.

Joe, Jimmy ,Solo and Paul made their way to the back heading to their locker room , I made my way there also. Jimmy and Solo parting going their own way I enter Joe's locker room.

Joe spots me in the doorway before I can even knock.

"Paul, can you excuse us for a minute" Joe says

Paul nods, giving me a hug before exiting.

"Y/n, I'm not in the mood to fight or argue if that's why you're here " he says sitting down with his back to me the welt had gotten bigger

"I'm not here to fight , I just wanted to make sure you were okay, you took some good hits out there" I say

" All part of the job," he says, rubbing his shoulder.

" Let me" I say walking over, placing my hands on his shoulders, massaging them .

"This welt is pretty nasty" I say slowly, running my fingers over it .

"Is it?" He asks

"Kinda like the one Colby gave you a few years back? " I say

" You never did forgive him for that, did you?" He laughs

" Nope, he knew how much I love your back" I laugh

" Love?" He asked

" Loved" I correct running my fingers over the welt once more .

Joe grabs my hand and brings me around the couch where he sat. Standing in front of Joe trying my best not to make eye contact I feel his eyes roam my body.

" I like the new gear" he said, playing with the zipper on my ring attire.

"Thanks, someone once told me red was a good color on me" I say

Without warning Joe pulled me into his lap attaching his lips to mine. The kiss was hot, lustful and aggressive. One of Joe's hands was on my face, the other gripping my ass. I moaned his name wanting more and more of him .

"Joe" I say pulling away placing my hands on his chest " we should stop"

"Y/n, I need you" he whispers, stroking my face pulling me back in for another kiss.

This man had such an effect on me. Joe laid me on the couch hovering over me, placing soft kisses to my face down to my neck.

"God, you look so damn good in this gear" he says

"Shut up " I laugh trying to cover myself

"I'm serious, your body is perfect, it carried our babies" he says, removing my hands.

Joe slowly unzips the bottoms of my gear just enough for him to slide his hand in. Running his fingers down my core causing me to throw my head back in pleasure.

" So wet Y/n , you still want me don't you baby" he smirks, pumping two fingers inside of me.

I bit my lip trying my hardest not to moan, I don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing I did indeed still want him. I wanted him in every way possible but also because we were still in an arena full of our coworkers.

"Say it Y/n , tell me you still want me ?" He demands pumping faster than he was a minute ago.

"Shit….I want you" I nearly screamed.

Joe smirks, getting what he wanted from me, he undid his pants reaching in freeing his already hard length.

Just as Joe was about to slip himself inside of me there's a knock on the door

" Who is it?" He asks annoyed

"It's Jimmy uce" we hear from the other side of the door

Quickly I zip my bottoms trying to fix myself as Joe does the same .

" Come in man " Joe says

"Yo Uce Solo is going crazy looking for Jey……he starts stopping mid sentence noticing Joe isn't alone

"Oh my bad I didn't mean to interrupt…." He smirks winking at me

"You're not interrupting anything I was just checking on Joe after the match" I say

"You said something about Solo?" Joe says

"Yea he's out for Jey, saying he went off script " Jimmy explains

"Alright I'll fix it, I call Solo now " Joe reassures

Jimmy leaves Joe and I alone again.

Joe calls Solos calming him down from finding Jey. He hangs up sitting back sighing.

"I'm gonna head out" I say lightly tapping his knee

"Like hell you are" he says grabbing my hand and placing it on his rock hard member in his pants " we're finishing what we started, you're coming home with me"

"Joe,I don't think.." I start but he kisses me again

"Tonight I NEED my wife, so don't think just go grab your stuff and meet me at the hotel…Please " he says stroking my face.

"Okay" I whisper.

*An hour later*

Was I really meeting my soon to be ex-husband for a late night booty call. I thought to myself as I knocked on the door to Joe's room.

Before I reconsider it he opened the door in a damn Towel ….. seriously?

"Finally." He says pulling into me kissing me.

"I need to use your bathroom first champ" I say pulling away

"Ugh Y/n I've waited long enough" he whines

"Always so whiny" I tease before shutting the door behind me

After a few minutes and a glance in the mirror to make sure I looked ok..I head out of the bathroom Joe now sitting on the edge of the bed impatiently waiting

"Now I'm ready" I say standing in the doorway wearing his "Tribal Chief is my Daddy" shirt with black knee highs and heels .

"Fuck baby" he says biting his lip

"Do you like it?" I ask as if I didn't already know

"Come here now…let your Tribal Daddy show you just how much I like it " he says, grabbing my waist pulling me into his arms and flipping me onto the bed so he was on top.

"Where should I start with you huh?.... Should I dip my fingers inside play with you a little while before I fuck you, or should I eat you out make you beg me to cum?" He asks

God I loved this side of Joe. I always have we had the most incredible sex life.

"Please just do something" I beg

"Look at you begging for Daddy to touch you" he taunts

"Joe…shut up and fuck me" I growl

Joe removes my panties, flinging them behind him somewhere,looking up from between my legs, he smiles just before his tongue pushes past his lips and licks once across my center, as slowly and torturously as possible.

"Joe" I whine desperate for more.

He then begins his assault. He was playing with you, tasting your pussy slowly at first, but later even slipped with his tongue inside of me and twisted his tongue around a bit, causing me to moan like crazy until my orgasm hit. Wasting no time Joe flipped me onto my stomach and pushed my ass to him. He gave my cheek a squeeze and a light spank that made me jolt. Sliding his hand along my spine down to my neck, he pressed me into the mattress and eased his cock into me. I couldn't help but let out a loud moan, my mouth hanging open as my core enveloped him.

“Fuck! How are you still so tight? Squeezing me like that…” he hissed.

Joe then once again switches our position.

Joe pinning my arms behind my head with one of his own while the hand grips one of my hips tightly, guiding them against his, as he gives hard, penetrating thrusts.

"God…Joe" I nearly scream

" You like that baby…when I go nice and deep" he grunts

Joe picks his pace up, He hooks his arms under my legs, lifting them up higher so he can reach a different angle and that’s what pushes me over the edge.

"Oh God…" I moan.

I come hard, clenching around his cock as he fucks me so well, reaching his own high just moments later. His hips fall out of rhythm and he changes his fast thrusts to slow but rough pushes as he spills into me. We're both gasping for air, his forehead falls against mine as I hold onto his broad shoulders. He brushes his lips against mine, softly kissing them before he lets my legs down, his cock slipping out of me leaving me with an empty feeling.

" That was incredible" I pant

" You're welcome" he smirks

I playfully hit his chest. Before rolling under the covers.

"Actually staying after sex….. shocker" he laughs

" Come cuddle with me before I change my mind" I roll my eyes.

[queers-gambit]

Hi, long time follower and long time lover of your fics! Like, seriously, you write for almost all of my fictional crushes and it's so perfect I found your blog.

I was just wondering, as I'm reading, you put a lot of detail into somethings. Are these personal add-ins?

Like, you for Eddie Munson, you have the stoner thing down pat which is really cool cause, no offense to anyone else, but I don't see a lot of authors getting certain details or vernacular correct. You make mention in a Tangerine fic being an equestrian and how when (excuse my vulgarity) riding dick, it came back like muscle memory. And don't get me started on your fic about a chronically ill reader and Carmy. Holy SHIT did you hit the nail on the head with that one, and yes I know not all disabilities are the same, but you really captured some of the more gritty and emotional aspects of it.

I'm just curious because I saw an interview with Paul Mescal where he said for each character he plays, he puts a little bit of "him" in it but audiences don't know *which* part of him it is and where. As I read your fics, I just can't stop thinking about that, how it feels like you embed little parts of yourself in your writing and it makes it feel that much homier. That much more real and relatable.

Sorry for rambling, I just really love your work. And I saw you answer another ask about writing your own fantasy series and oh wow - please please please do! I'd love to read it! I just think you're a very talented writer and again, happy I found your blog! 🤍

sweetheart, i love rambling messages so don't you (or anyone) ever apologize for that. not to me.

i'm so happy you found me, too. and i'm so happy i can provide any amount of entertainment to anyone! thank you so very kindly for your compliments, they mean the world to me. and about your muses - real recognizes real.

you're a doll, you know that? yes, those are all personal add-ins.

i believe in realism, right? so, i like adding in bits and pieces here and there about real experiences, real emotions, encounters, situations, reactions, etc.

that's really cool you noticed all of that 'cause those are pretty solid examples; like, i smoke a lot (do as i say not as i do: don't fucking smoke, it's horrible) and i both dated and lived with a procurer of illicit material (two different ones) so i was able to draw from those real experiences and spin it into my writing. my daddy grew up on a farm, he and all his siblings grew up horseback riding; so he got his kids into it, but it only stuck with me but i had to eventually quit due to gnarly injury. so i like to throw those little nods in too for my fellow equestrians because i miss that part of me - though it'll never die. and i've been diagnosed chronically ill for ten+ years now and only just recently has it been officially recognized (not universally, though) as a disability. however, it's still invisible at times. so i got HELLA experience in that arena; with the pain, with good and bad days, with lost relationships, how one day you look "normal" and the next, you're getting sent home from work because of how sickly you now appear; the harrowing loneliness, the imposter syndrome of not being WORTH treatment, the way people stare at you for the audacity to be / look different - and then the way people glare when you don't look like their imagined definition of "disabled", so i also know all about the way people sneer you must be lying.

what a fascinating relation; how Mr. Mescal lets bits of himself bleed into characters he plays, because that's exactly what i do. there's other little personal easter eggs through my writing that all stem from some kind of personal experience or emotion. see, i use this blog sometimes for therapy; where i can write my emotions and get them out of me, away, expelled because i refuse to let them take space in my head, heart, and soul.

"how it feels like you embed little parts of yourself in your writing and it makes it feel that much homier. That much more real and relatable." my heart is so fucking full, this is what authors strive for; for the audience to connect with the writing, with the story and details. to be seen, felt, heard, and appreciated as their souls go into writing. ah, welcome home, poppet. i'm happy you're here.

thank you for noticing. thank you for allowing me space to write and grieve and process. thank you for seeing me.

come back to ramble anytime. you're always welcome here!

👀 we'll see if i can get this novel idea off the ground! you never know, i might even announce something here in the future! but for now, i've got my silly little fics.

happy reading! all my love i can possibly muster 🖤

[yssjj]

american psycho: he's just like me fr

In No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai, there’s a passage where the main character, Yozo, who is ostensibly Dazai (it is a semi-autobiographical book), struggles to figure out exactly what the hell his Sister wants from him in a fairly obvious situation:

“One autumn evening as I was lying in bed reading a book, the older of my cousins–I always called her Sister–suddenly darted into my room quick as a bird, and collapsed over my bed. She whispered through her tears, “Yozo, you’ll help me, I know. I know you will. Let’s run away from this terrible house together. Oh, help me, please.” She continued in this hysterical vein for a while only to burst into tears again. This was not the first time that a woman had put on such a scene before me, and Sister’s excessively emotional words did not surprise me much. I felt instead a certain boredom at their banality and emptiness. I slipped out of bed, went to my desk and picked up a persimmon. I peeled it and offered my Sister a section. She ate it, still sobbing, and said, “Have you any interesting books? Lend me something.” I chose Soseki’s I am a Cat from my bookshelf and handed it to her. “Thanks for the persimmon,” Sister said as she left the room, an embarrassed smile on her face…”

At this moment, Dazai/Yozo provides an accidentally hilarious moment through his lack of empathy. Even though Yozo faces similar despair, he is unable to connect sadness to the sadness of others. After several trials of this sort of situation where a girl comes to him crying for support (which despite his wishes is a recurring theme in his life), he has figured out a simple, effective solution—distract them with sweets, books, anything at hand, even a suicide pact.

Of course, this isn’t the correct “answer” to these situations. He could have just… talked to her! But this is impossible for Yozo because claims to be completely disconnected from her. And he’s too terrified to try to reach out. He imagines that all other people have a monster behind their mask, ready to attack him at will.

The entire book is like this, a person who doesn’t know how to interact with other people because he is actually terrified of everyone around him, which is all rooted in his feeling of spiritual isolation. The title is a direct statement of the narrator’s feeling towards the world around him—as someone who is just faking being human, what point did he have in existing when he has to live in fear of everyone around him, who is ostensibly better at this being “human” thing than him?

American Psycho was this to me, an attempt by another alien (Patrick Bateman) to decipher exactly what the hell is happening in 80’s yuppie corporate NYC. Or as he aptly puts it:

EVELYN  Well, you hate that job anyway. Why don't you just quit? You don't have to work. BATEMAN  Because I...want...to...fit...in. I think he wants to fit in!

Patrick Bateman has decided, unlike Yozo, that he will fit in. He—at least, consciously—believes that he is stronger than everyone around him. Christian Bale does an awesome job monologuing with the emphasis on monotone, dry, and powerful from his ability to seemingly separate himself from the riff-raff around him. This might be why a lot of men (from what I have heard, no citation given in this article) take from this movie that this is the way of a “sigma” male, one who is different from the rest of the pack.

(This is where I would submit my sigma male test score but I couldn’t find the screenshot.)

fear and anxiety

Because of all the (wrong) takes on American Psycho being anti-feminist because of its violence against women, or the idolization of Patrick Bateman because he can cull his competition, you would think Patrick is good at killing people. This is not true in the movie. Patrick Bateman is actually very, very bad at killing people. When he kills Paul Allen, he becomes a total wreck, running through his apartment to come up with some sort of alibi, slamming open closets and desperately packing together a cute little travel set. Not that I would know how to commit a murder, but you would think for someone who considers himself to be in control Patrick would have a better idea on how to proceed with this kind of thing. His answers to Detective Donald Kimball’s questions range from guilty to insane. When Detective Kimball asks him if he knew Paul Allen was missing, Patrick jumps to asking him if the “homicide squad” is deployed on the case.

He even panics out of a murder when Luis Carruthers hits on him because it’s so unexpected, ending with Patrick desperately looking for any reason to just leave (“I’ve gotta… I’ve gotta… return some videotapes.”—as a bonus, he uses this SEVERAL times in the movie to leave uncomfortable situations). He then washes his gloved hands in the bathroom in an attempt to try to return to a “normal” interaction. It’s not pride and power pushing him forward. It’s anxiety!

Like Yozo, Patrick is also afraid. When he lies to Jean that he got a reservation for two at Dorsia (his trigger word apparently), he decides that the only course of action is to kill Jean before they make it to the restaurant. To directly discuss the traditional idea of toxic masculinity (as referenced by the men who want to be Patrick), theory would say that Patrick kills to gain power over women or to flex his masculinity. But his pride isn’t on the line when he tells Jean that he got a reservation to Dorsia. And he’s not trying to be powerful and masculine when he decides that killing Jean is the only solution. His decision is a panicked answer to stay disconnected from Jean at any cost.

Just as Yozo accepts a suicide pact from a woman because he doesn’t know how else to comfort her while avoiding connection to her, Patrick decides with how smoothly he handled Paul Owen’s murder that staging another murder is a get-out-of-jail-free card from the impending doom of having to admit that he actually can’t get a reservation for Dorsia.

And his Dorsia fear manifests in reality as a personal hell when the maître d’ hysterically laughs at him, screeching, when he first calls for a reservation that night at 8:30 for a date with Courtney. The second time he calls he gets a normal response, with the maître d’ telling him that the restaurant is completely booked for the night. But Patrick’s fear response is already baked in from the first interaction he created with his own anxiety.

societal normalcy and self-acceptance

There’s something deeply relatable to the need to try to figure out what is “normal.” Especially, the further you might naturally be from “societal normal,” the harder it is to try to figure out how to get there. At this point, the proverb “be true to yourself” might seem to come into play. But our urge to be normal is because we want to connect to others. We want to not be alone, even if that’s at the cost of suppressing our true selves.

Patrick manages to fit in at the boy’s club at work by performing all of the gestures of the others, at lunch, at Christmas parties. But his true self is completely isolated from his coworkers. He’s someone who is unrecognized as his own person to the point that people mistake his identity for others in the group. His fiance knows nothing about him and doesn’t care to, even when Patrick is trying to tell her that he has homicidal urges. The only reason she’s even getting married to him is because they have the same friends and breaking up “wouldn’t work.” Even Carruthers only hits on him because of the clothing he wears.

But even when you fit in, you want people to understand you. So Patrick tries to connect with people over and over again. But when he does try,  it’s unreciprocated. The only time he can talk about his interest in pop music is with prostitutes he hires for sex—almost as if the sex is just an excuse (which might be why his violence is also focused on them). His jokes constantly fall flat with his peers. His joke about Ed Gein sticking women’s heads on sticks could be inappropriate (and is given the rest of the context of Patrick’s personality), but it’s a very vulnerable moment for Patrick. He is purposefully revealing part of who he is and receives worse than a bad reaction—no reaction. When your friends rebuke you, it’s a decision to reach out and connect out of care. No reaction is the choice to pull away.

And when he finally does meet someone who is genuinely interested in him as who he is and is willing to reach out to him, he is unable to complete the connection. Jean is the only woman in the movie who isn’t willing to mask to just “fit in.” When Patrick takes her out and talks to her in his condo, we can immediately get a sense of who she is because she’s telling the truth. But Patrick takes this vulnerability and tries to push it away from him—thus the attempt to kill her with a nail gun—and fails as his own vulnerability (he’s cheating on his fiancee) is revealed via inopportune phone call (from said fiancee).

Silence. Jean is obviously embarrassed and upset. JEAN  Was that...Evelyn? Silence. JEAN  Are you still seeing her? Silence. JEAN  I'm sorry, I have no right to ask that. Silence. JEAN  Do you want me to go? A long pause. BATEMAN  Yes. I don’t think I can...control myself. JEAN  I know I should go. I know I have a tendency to get  involved with unavailable men, and...I mean, do you  want me to go? Another long pause. BATEMAN  If you stay, I think something bad will happen. I  think I might hurt you.  (Almost hopefully)  You don't want to get hurt, do you? JEAN  No. No, I guess not. I don't want to get bruised.  You're right, I should go.

And at the end of the movie, Jean is the only one who is able to find Patrick’s “true nature” because she is worried about him after he calls her. Patrick doesn’t reveal who he is to her. She’s the one who searches his desk and finds the drawings he has made of his compulsions, of his real or imagined crimes against humanity.

violence

After violence, Patrick responds with desperation and panic. We even see this in Paul Allen’s murder, the one murder Patrick seemed to really enjoy, where Patrick scrambles to come up with something so that he avoids getting caught. Patrick claims to have killed Christie only because “she almost got away.” In the final chase scene, the consequences come for him at an amazing tempo; police cars surround him after the sound of the first shot dissipates into the air, he escapes but is surrounded again and forced into a shoot-off, then is chased down by helicopters.

But that’s ridiculous—it’s totally fantastical. Because these scenes are in Patrick’s view of reality, it suggests that he wants to get caught. Patrick wants to be held accountable because it’s the only way he could imagine others understanding the immense amount of pain he’s in.

Part of our connection to people who really like us for who we are is that they can help us understand when we feel off. We want our pain to be vindicated as something that’s not okay. In times of desperation, we want to be able to reach out to others and hear sympathy, or reassurance that we are right to feel that something is wrong and that we should go get it checked out.

Patrick describes his need to hurt other people as a consequence of being in pain in the first place at the end of the movie. It’s a call for help for someone to notice and get him arrested so he can get fixed. But Patrick is completely alienated. Beyond Jean, nobody else cares about him to bother being concerned. When he tells a woman that he’s into “murders and executions,” she mishears it as “mergers and acquisitions” due to the level of attention she’s giving that conversation. When he leaves a long, rambling confession of all of his murders to his lawyer, his lawyer first mistakes him for someone else, and then laughs it off as a silly joke. Even as Patrick tries to double down and tell him that he was telling the truth, his lawyer takes the reality of the situation (that Patrick is at least delusional, since Paul Allen is alive and kicking) and decides to tell Patrick off for taking the joke “too far.”

In Patrick’s last monologue after his conversation with his lawyer, he “surpasses” having anything in common with the least sympathizable people.

BATEMAN (V.O.) There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with  the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil,  all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward  it, I have now surpassed... INT. BATEMAN'S OFFICE - DAY Jean is alone in Bateman's office, looking through his diary.  We see the pages that she is looking at. They are filled with  doodles of mutilated women and their names...Jean looks lost  and frightened, and begins to cry. BATEMAN (V.O.) My pain is constant and sharp and I do not hope for a better  world for anyone. I fact I want my pain to be inflicted on  others. I want no escape. INT. HARRY'S BAR - EARLY EVENING  As the film ends the camera moves CLOSE on Bateman. He is  leaning back in his leather armchair, drinking a double Scotch,  his eyes blank. BATEMAN (V.O.) But even after admitting this, there is no catharsis. I gain no  deeper knowledge about myself, no new knowledge can be extracted  from my telling. There has been no reason for me to tell you any  of this. This confession has meant nothing...

He knows that losing his connection with even the most insane people will mean his internal pain will find no catharsis. Nobody can reach him and soothe his pain. So he inflicts his pain on others, even though it doesn’t help his pain, because it’s better than not doing anything. All he has left are the drawings that Jean has discovered, his last call for help.

Pain will always exist. But connection makes us understand that our pain is human, even our pain seems to come out of us in terrifying ways. In this way, Mary Harron has created a feminist movie by simply letting guys have emotions. The consequence of allowing men to have feelings is that they want to find other people who truly understand them. Patrick and his coworkers simply “fit in” but they don’t belong to each other, to anything at all beyond a sheer facade, a mask that can be put on and peeled off at the end of each day.

Then maybe we can rework toxic masculinity from being a way to have power in social situations to wanting to just “fit in” as a way to get some sort of connection to others, even if the people you hang out with don’t really understand you. But the consequence of this is that these shallow connections don’t fulfill us, and when we undergo pain, it becomes easier to take it out on these people that you don’t even like anyway, or people who aren’t even in your ingroup. When men see Patrick Bateman as a sigma male, is it that they see someone in control? Or is it that they see someone who shows a way to cope with the pain they feel, even if the method is violent and doesn’t even work, but at least it seems cathartic on the movie screen?

[maya-matlin]

You know I'm in awe of your analysis and insight into OTH characters! If you ever want to, I'd love to hear how you feel Julian and Lucas are both similar and different. I have a friend who claims Brooke definitely has a 'type' since Julian and Lucas are both more introverted and cerebral, but it's hard for me to either agree or disagree since Julian's personality seems to change every season (maybe even every few episodes?!) so I'd love to get your take!

You are way, way too nice to me. But this is really sweet 💙

Um.. I think I see what you mean. There's early Julian, there's late season 6/season 7 Julian, and then there's the Julian of the final two seasons. Whereas Lucas has more of a consistent, albeit frustrating, arc, Julian simply changed personalities based on the whims of the writers and possibly whatever suited Austin Nichols' talents. I guess Lucas and Julian are mostly similar in that they make art and really want it to have an effect on people. Both men are romantics, but I don't think Julian needs romance the way Lucas does. He ultimately wants/wanted a family and to get married, but he was fine waiting for the timing to be just right and for the perfect woman to come into his life. On the other hand, Lucas tried to force it, wanting to settle down so badly that he repeatedly proposed even though the timing was all wrong. Lucas's bride didn't necessarily have to be the one. She just needed to say "yes". Both Lucas and Julian have complicated relationships with their parents. But in my opinion, Julian's dynamic with Paul and Sylvia is much closer to Nathan's with Dan and Deb (hard to please dad & alcoholic mom) than Lucas's. Both Lucas and Julian seemed to be considered nerds prior to their "glow ups" (Lucas joining the Ravens, Julian becoming an adult and entering the entertainment industry). They both find it easy to be just friends with girls. However, Lucas is much more of a guys' guy, having a whole friend group of men compared to Julian really struggling to bond with Nathan and Clay. Like pretty much every OTH character, Lucas and Julian are protective and defensive over their loved ones, having zero problem directly confronting the person hurting them. Lucas resorts to violence much more often than Julian, though. He's far more impulsive. It helps that, again, we only knew Julian as an adult whereas we saw Lucas the teenager for four seasons. Not that growing up meant Lucas matured.

This is probably a disappointing answer, so I'm sorry. Julian is much more difficult to pin down for me than Lucas. I tried to work with traits I saw in Julian throughout seasons 6-9, but you're correct that the characterization is so off it's hard to discuss. For instance, Julian starts off very cocky or at least has the persona of a very confident person. This was never Lucas, even at his worst. Lucas's defense mechanism is growing stoic, sometimes hitting below the belt to make whoever has hurt him feel as badly as he does. And I don't think that's Julian? I think Julian also has a tendency to express his love by using his money. Julian, like Nathan and Brooke, grew up with rich parents. He was able to secure his job through nepotism. Lucas came from a working class home with his biological father not contributing financially. Keith was able to pay for Lucas's college fund, but all of Lucas's successes were his own. The class differences between Lucas and Julian are represented very well in the engagement rings they give their wives. Julian gives Brooke a diamond ring with a large diamond. Lucas gives both Lindsey and Peyton the engagement ring Keith once gave to Karen, a ring with a modestly sized diamond, something more sentimental rather than extravagant. And while both men are known for their intelligence, Lucas is much more athletic than Julian.

Again, I'm sorry. I probably could have done a better job coming up with similarities and differences, but this is just off the top of my head.

[onewomancitadel]

Honestly one of the first time in a few years I've had the urge to send an anonymous ask 'correcting' somebody on a wrong opinion. I typed out the ask and everything and convinced myself to delete it.

Is vagueing just as worse? Alright, let's give it a shot: I don't think Jessica would work as a protagonist in place of Paul in Dune (even if that's the most ostensibly more 'interesting' option from a feminist perspective) because

1. Her reproductive choice, to conceive a son and realise her own ambition (he retcons this latter one later, but this is because he was setting up to do a thing in God Emperor of Dune probably. I hope anyway) is the impetus for the story happening as it does at all. She should've had a daughter (according to her Bene Gesserit orders) and then she would've been married to Feyd Rautha to then conceive a kwisatz haderach the Bene Gesserit could control. By necessity of the setting and what Herbert sets out to do (and the idea of the kwisatz haderach himself) the tragic protagonist has to be Paul as we know him. It would not be as interesting through solely the eyes of his mother (even though we do get her perspective) because we would not get the full death-drive descent of Paul. It's really just a matter of narrative prominence. And honestly I don't think she would have made for a good fall protagonist the way Paul does inheriting his mother's legacy.

1a. the role of Jessica's reproductive choice in a story where reproduction is tightly controlled according to Bene Gesserit breeding lines is a huge fucking deal. So the very existence of Paul is an assertive act on Jessica's part, and mind you she has a major role in the story anyway. She walks out into the desert with Paul.

2. I don't really know if the intention is to be more feminist or not so I'm not going to cast a specific judgement from this angle but I think it is significant that Paul is male and that he embodies masculine and feminine aspects in a sort of warped Jungian quest. I don't think you'd get nearly the same effect with him as a doomed Messiah/conqueror/emperor if he were female (and if he were female he'd have been married to Feyd Rautha, which is like a fate which hangs over his head in the final confrontation... in some ways I think Paul as the giver/taker is significant because it's sort of like he's both male and female at once, in that he's fighting his betrothed at the very end, and I think this sort of gender transgression is intentional. After all he is a man with access to feminine knowledge, that is the Bene Gesserit cult). Now as an aside I have mentioned before I think it's interesting that his own reproductive choice is emphasised in Dune Messiah which is pretty much done never with male characters - and the trope with an emperor such as Paul would be that he keeps his concubines and is the one to forcibly impregnate them. At this point with Jessica as a protagonist you're talking about a completely different story.

3. Well. I hate to be like that - this is my chief point: 'Jessica the main character' is Heretics of Dune and Chapterhouse Dune. That's Odrade, Reverend Mother and later Mother Superior. The Dar-Tar dynamic offers a tightly written female friendship (inasmuch as it can be allowed to be called that) and the general range of female characters is very strong as to feel silly to really comment from that angle at all because I would say it's the main thrust of these books. The Honoured Matres are probably the most terrifying antagonists I've encountered, and it takes four and a half books to really build up this sort of threat in the universe (which is a shame as to why these are viewed as an afterthought).

I don't speak to Herbert's feminist motives at all and I can't speak to somebody only knowing about the first book because it's not really fair to expect somebody to have full knowledge about a series, especially when the second film, adapting the first book, hasn't even come out yet, but there are reasons thematically that Jessica as the protagonist doesn't make sense but also that the set-up for Odrade is fucking fantastic and makes spending time with her worthwhile. There's a reason she's the protagonist then - that the Bene Gesserit have to rise to the call the Tyrant left - and I think it's fully justified.

I get that this was probably just somebody's throwaway comment and that's why I actually had to meaningfully hold myself back from engaging at all but I guess I got annoyed because it sort of reads like an attempt at feminist commentary? And it just feels lazy. Lol.

Was it better or worse to have typed this out? Idk. Anyway, this isn't about anybody who follows me, I just feel bad being passive-aggressive writing this out but it was really bothering me, and sending an ask is Not The Way. Can you tell Odrade is one of my favourite parts about the Dune series. That's probably why I got really annoyed actually.

[whoever-the-heck]

I watched Aftersun yesterday.

Warning: this may contain be spoilers.

I have admired Paul Mescal ever since I first watched him in Normal People. I was so impressed with his performance there that I started following his projects. I feel a rawness in him and in his acting; he has an open face and a charming, shy smile; not hyper handsome or hunky but masculine, attractive, not hard to look at at all.

And damn, he can act. He acts like his life depends on it. He embodies his characters so well that I have to remind myself repeatedly that he is an actor. He can make you forget that sometimes.

I heard of Aftersun early on, knew he was in it, knew I had to watch it. But I kept postponing - for some reason I wouldn't dare analyze until later.

Aftersun tells a simple story, so simple in fact that regular moviegoers won't be interested in the subject matter and the plot, or the lack thereof. It tells the story of a young woman looking back on a holiday she spent with her young father when she was about 10 or 11.

From the very beginning we are introduced to Sophie, the little girl (excellent child actress, Frankie Corio), and her father, twenty-something Calum (Mescal). It's summer, and they are staying in a cheap resort. There's an ongoing construction, they aren't given the two beds he paid for in advance, and there is a public pool. She is often mistaken for his sister. He takes it in stride, corrects strangers gently. They are enjoying their vacation; they have an open, warm rapport and they hold great, sometimes even deep, conversations. He puts sunblock on her back, they play billiards with teenagers.

By all means, everything is going well. But a feeling sneaks up on you, a sense of dread, but you can't put a finger on what caused it exactly. Before you think it, no, there is nothing improper about their relationship. Calum is a loving father. You feel his affection and his tenderness, and Sophie glows with happiness in his presence. You feel their deep bond.

But the disquiet persists. Something is wrong. But what?

Mescal is a terrific actor. He wears a different face when Sophie is around. The mask slips whenever he's alone, or when she's not looking. Nothing about it is ever overt or grand acting. The best actor nomination may have been sealed by the scene of him crying with his back to the camera, without the viewer ever seeing his face.

I must warn you that if you are looking out for a great plot twist or surprise or climactic drama, you won't find that in this movie. What you will find here is a quietly growing sense of dread, an unease drumming under your skin and slowly turning deafening, until you get to the final act which lands a deeply affecting emotional impact.

In the final 15 minutes, father and young daughter dance. This scene is interspersed with flashes of adult Sophie watching her father dancing in the dark, only seen occasionally as the lights flash on and off on him. She looks on, then she tries to come closer, to grasp him, to hold him. He keeps moving fluidly, often slipping through her fingers. Then she grabs hold of him and embraces him tightly. But you still feel her desperation and hopelessness; even holding him in her arms, he remained out of reach.

And suddenly, tears were rolling down my cheeks and I couldn't understand why. Even now, thinking back on that scene as Under Pressure by Queen and Bowie played in a crescendo and I picture Paul Mescal's face as he danced and as he embraced young Sophie on the dancefloor, I can still feel my chest tightening with inexplicable sadness. Yesterday watching that was the saddest I've been in twelve years, thinking about my father. My father died when I was young, after his struggle with various diseases for about a decade. It was only a few years ago that I finally realized his depression. This movie reminded me of all the simple gestures and the good days when he would take walks with me in the afternoon or sit with me under the morning sun. Then it reminded me of all the times I caught his pained expression, his blank stares into nothingness, or the one time I witnessed him crying and his struggle to hold back the tears in my presence.

Adult Sophie understands now how she only saw one side of him, the side he showed her when she was young. He had a quiet sadness within that he couldn't totally keep; sometimes the mask slipped during conversations, during unguarded times, and she caught glimpses of his real feelings, snippets of his real thoughts. She wants to look back and understand further, to grasp the totality of his existence and make peace with the side of him he never showed her, the side she was never able to touch. She ached with the inability to go back in time and see more. That part of him, she would never know.

Aftersun tapped something in me that I only partially suspected was there: my regret at being too naive to understand my father's suffering, my regret at being too self-absorbed to see his pain, my regret at being too young.

They were right. I walked away from that movie a different person.

[1shirt2shirtredshirtdeadshirt]

Early Jim Kirk: Why So Serious?

To the people who said that Paul Wesley's Captain Kirk was "too serious" or that it "wasn't our Jim Kirk":

Let's have a kiki, shall we? :)

A lot of folks seem to forget who Jim used to be before meeting him in TOS.

In an interview, Paul Wesley discussed how different Jim's early character and life was from TOS Kirk. Wesley's study of Jim and his early characterisation was in fact based on TOS descriptions and relevant lore surrounding it. I was not at all phased by the Jim we saw, as early Jim is described as quite a departure from our flirty, confident TOS Jim. Wesley did his homework.

From the chat that Kirk has with Gary Mitchell in TOS (Where No Man Has Gone Before 01x03) and Bones in Shore Leave (01x15) re: Finnegan, we learned in Jim's younger years, Kirk didn't always have that swagger. In fact, Jim used to be a rather serious nerd.

Kirk in the academy was described as "a stack of books with legs", "positively grim", and "watch out for Lieutenant Kirk. In his class, you either think or sink".

He also adhered to Starfleet rules far more in his early years a la Boimler. For example, he reported an error that older officer and very good friend of his Benjamin Finney made on the USS Republic, leading to Finney's demotion and later the events of Court Martial (01x20). He reported one of his own besties to HQ and got him demoted. Quite a departure from how often Kirk violates Starfleet orders and directives for Spock on TOS. Again, he is not the same Jim. Character growth.

I think folks get so wrapped up in Spock being the thinking guy and Kirk being the action guy that they forget: You kind of have to be a brilliant genius and thinker to even get a starship command, let alone the flagship. Jim is not dumb and never was; he is exceptionally smart. Spock is just a freaking GIGA GENIUS and anyone standing next to that might look less bright in contrast. But make no mistake, Jim is also brilliant as a military man and diplomat.

Jim is often stereotyped as a swaggering meathead when he is actually an intelligent and capable diplomat even from his earliest years with Starfleet. As a cadet, he was decorated by Starfleet with the Palm Leaf for his peace mission work on Axanar (Court Martial 01x20). As a Captain, Jim helped to complete just as many successful federation member recruitments as he did take names and kick ass.

Jim loves chess. He loves his dad's old books and classic literature. He memorizes quotes from those texts and references them constantly in TOS. How many jocks do you know out here memorizing classic literature to reference even now in our time? One of Jim's most precious, prized possessions is an old text copy of "A Tale of Two Cities" he got as a gift for his birthday from Spock.

There are still those glimpses of old Jim planted throughout TOS and the movies.

As you examine him and his past, every description of him as a young man in the original series was that he was a nerd. Kirk, as a character, shows how much we change as people from high school/uni to adulthood.

The early Jim Kirk is not the Kirk we knew and loved, and he often comes as a surprise to folks accustomed to the Jim he later becomes. He grows into his own over time and finds himself, like many of us. But Wesley's portrayal seemed surprisingly apt to me, considering early descriptions of James T. Kirk's character.

TLDR: Jim Kirk was described in his early years as "serious", "positively grim", "a stack of books with legs", top of his class, and would report you to HQ for a crumb. This is not the Captain Kirk you knew who took command of the Enterprise in 2265. Jim Kirk used to be a serious, passionate Starfleet nerd.

All in all, I thought Paul Wesley's character study with all this considered was

Anyway, thanks for coming to my Ted X Talk about baby James Tiberius Kirk.

I'd love to hear from you folks, feel free to chip in, add to this or correct any errors. :) LLAP.🖖

EDIT: See Part 2 of this Jim Kirk SNW AU Analysis where I respond to an ask from @letteredlettered​; we get into the importance of the Triumvirate for Kirk Prime, as well as the relevance of why Jim Kirk being assigned the Farragut would be a poor choice of command commission for him. It further solidifies that this is not “our Kirk”, but an AU where we see what would come of our Kirk if he did not get the flagship commission or meet his boays to form the Trek Trinity. 

[thebellekeys]

parts of some classic lit that hit different for me

“Those who find ugly meanings in beautiful things are corrupt without being charming. This is a fault. Those who find beautiful meanings in beautiful things are the cultivated. For these there is hope. They are the elect to whom beautiful things mean only Beauty. There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written. That is all.”

- the iconic piece on books and morality from The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

You are part of my existence, part of myself. You have been in every line I have ever read, since I first came here, the rough common boy whose poor heart you wounded even then. You have been in every prospect I have ever seen since – on the river, on the sails of the ships, on the marshes, in the clouds, in the light, in the darkness, in the wind, in the woods, in the sea, in the streets. You have been the embodiment of every graceful fancy that my mind has ever become acquainted with. The stones of which the strongest London buildings are made, are not more real, or more impossible to displace with your hands, than your presence and influence have been to me, there and everywhere, and will be. Estella, to the last hour of my life, you cannot choose but remain part of my character, part of the little good in me, part of the evil. But, in this separation I associate you only with the good, and I will faithfully hold you to that always, for you must have done me far more good than harm, let me feel now what sharp distress I may. O God bless you, God forgive you!

- the “you are in every line I have ever read” tyrade in Great Expectations by Charles Dickens

Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta. She was Lo, plain Lo, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola in slacks. She was Dolly at school. She was Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita. Did she have a precursor? She did, indeed she did. In point of fact, there might have been no Lolita at all had I not loved, one summer, an initial girl-child. In a princedom by the sea. Oh when? About as many years before Lolita was born as my age was that summer. You can always count on a murderer for a fancy prose style. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, exhibit number one is what the seraphs, the misinformed, simple, noble-winged seraphs, envied. Look at this tangle of thorns.

- the whole opening of Lolita by Vladimir Nabakov

My great miseries in this world have been Heathcliff's miseries, and I watched and felt each from the beginning: my great thought in living is himself. If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it. My love for Linton is like the foliage in the woods: time will change it, I'm well aware, as winter changes the trees. My love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath: a source of little visible delight, but necessary. Nelly, I am Heathcliff! He's always, always in my mind: not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being.

- Catherine’s confession about Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë

I have been a selfish being all my life, in practice, though not in principle. As a child I was taught what was right, but I was not taught to correct my temper. I was given good principles, but left to follow them in pride and conceit. Unfortunately an only son (for many years an only child), I was spoilt by my parents, who, though good themselves (my father, particularly, all that was benevolent and amiable), allowed, encouraged, almost taught me to be selfish and overbearing; to care for none beyond my own family circle; to think meanly of all the rest of the world; to wish at least to think meanly of their sense and worth compared with my own. Such I was, from eight to eight and twenty; and such I might still have been but for you, dearest, loveliest Elizabeth! What do I not owe you! You taught me a lesson, hard indeed at first, but most advantageous. By you, I was properly humbled. I came to you without a doubt of my reception. You showed me how insufficient were all my pretensions to please a woman worthy of being pleased.

- Darcy admitting the big truth to Lizzy in Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

I see a beautiful city and a brilliant people rising from this abyss. I see the lives for which I lay down my life, peaceful, useful, prosperous and happy. I see that I hold a sanctuary in their hearts, and in the hearts of their descendants, generations hence. It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known.

- Sydney Carton’s last words (*crying*) in A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens

You cling so tightly to your purity, my lad! How terrified you are of sullying your hands. Well, go ahead then, stay pure! What good will it do, and why even bother coming here among us? Purity is a concept of fakirs and friars. But you, the intellectuals, the bourgeois anarchists, you invoke purity as your rationalization for doing nothing. Do nothing, don’t move, wrap your arms tight around your body, put on your gloves. As for myself, my hands are dirty. I have plunged my arms up to the elbows in excrement and blood. And what else should one do? Do you suppose that it is possible to govern innocently?

- Hoederer being a realistic bad bitch, that’s what, in Les Mains Sales by Jean-Paul Sartre

I couldn’t forgive him or like him, but I saw that what he had done was, to him, entirely justified. It was all very careless and confused. They were careless people, Tom and Daisy—they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made.

The “they were careless people” realization in The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

‘Hateful day when I received life!' I exclaimed in agony. 'Accursed creator! Why did you form a monster so hideous that even you turned from me in disgust? God, in pity, made man beautiful and alluring, after his own image; but my form is a filthy type of yours, more horrid even from the very resemlance. Satan had his companions, fellow-devils, to admire and encourage him; but I am solitary and abhorred.'

Frankenstein’s monster’s teenage angst in Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein

[wroteonedad]

Top 30 Films of the Year (via my Letterboxd)

I wanted to do something for Christmas that was both a summary and also something a little different from the stuff I already write, and seeing as I record pretty much every movie that I watch on my Letterboxd, then I figured I may as well write about it a little on here. In no particular order, my top 30, the perfect Christmas treat if you're trying to find a little movie to give your family some Christmas cheer.

Charade (1963)

This film is if you imagine House of Gucci except for it's a bunch of blokes trying to frame and murder each other and one of them has stolen the heart of Audrey Hepburn. This film mixes both humour and drama perfectly, and you can play a fun game where you can take a shot for every plot twist in the film. Letterboxd says I rated it 4/5 so that means I recommend it.

Uncut Gems (2019)

I watched this movie for the first time the day that I'd sent off my pcr test to find out if I had Covid (I did) so watching this was an absolute whirlwind after overdosing on cough syrup and laying in bed with a fever. This movie was the first time I'd ever seen Julia Fox in anything which is cool and that pimped out Furby.... I think about him a lot. I rated this 4 stars on Letterboxd so another recommendation.

Scooby Doo (2002)

No, not the movie where Velma wears the latex suit, the first movie. I feel like every Scooby Doo movie is just as chaotic and pretty much the same which is why I probably can't remember the plot to this. I was even more confused to read my Letterboxd review which just says 'i like the bit when mr bean turns into an oompa looma'. 5 stars though.

The Lighthouse (2019)

Truth be told, I hated this movie and my flatmates were very upset to learn that I didn't like it. It becomes funnier when you have the Vine boom noise playing in a video behind it though, it's like having an extra jumpscare. Sorry film bros, I just couldn't hack it. I rated it 0.5 stars meaning it was one of two of the lowest scoring films on my Letterboxd.

Jumbo (2020)

This movie is very French, and if you've watched enough French movies then you will know exactly what I mean by this. Without spoiling the plot too much, this is about a young woman who falls in love with a fairground ride. Very French core. You'll have to watch the rest of the movie to find out how that romance goes. This was given a 4 star rating.

American Psycho (2000)

Do I like this movie or do I just like all the memes that have come with this movie? In terms of a fairly recent cult classic, this is the correct type of movie, but I was even more surprised to learn that the Reddit dreamboat character doesn't own any branded knives, despite the amount of money he has. I rated this a solid 3.5 stars. Solid, like the film plot.

Norbit (2007)

I don't understand why there are so many copies of this movie on the shelves of CEX, it's a bit of an underrated masterpiece really. Put the heroin chic style fatshaming jokes aside, I actually find some of it pretty funny. Mostly the church scene at the end. Rated this 5 stars because I would buy every copy on the shelves.

Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me (1992)

As far as a pre-origin story goes to the original show, I think this really hits the nail on the head. It's not the story that we wanted, it's the story we needed. The random appearance from David Bowie was a bit out of this world, like the whole movie. Though I think I need to finish watching The Return and then come back to this movie so everything starts to make a little bit more sense. A solid 3 star rating, though it'll probably go up the next time I've seen it.

Macross: Do You Remember Love? (1984)

Another movie that is based on a narrative from a TV show, except you don't need to watch the show to go straight on to the movie. If you're a fan of Neon Genesis Evangelion and you're feeling a little bit feminine then this is the thing for you. Space girl sings and space things happen. Another 3 star rating.

Paul (2011)

My Letterboxd review reads; 'they did something. i'm not sure what,,, but they did something' and I think that's all I need to say about whether or not I recommend this. 2 stars.

Boiling Point (2021)

If you're British and you've ever worked in hospitality then this is the film that you'll just get. I loved this film. Angry swearing man, lots of people doing gear and an absolute shitshow from start to finish. Gave this a hard 4.5 stars and would recommend to anyone.

The Love Witch (2016)

Aesthetically wise, this has to be one of the nicest movies out there. Taking lots of inspiration from the 60s both in looks and also the overall vibe of the movie. The problem being, the plot feels a little bit empty. It's wonderful in terms of how feminist it is, but that's really all it has going for it. Another solid 3 star film.

The Gentlemen (2019)

I was minding my own business popping into the coffee shop I always go to on my days off when Raz asked me what my favourite film was at the moment; he then proceeded to lecture me because I hadn't seen this and sent me home as homework to watch it. I did. I'll tell you what, it was so worth it. The cast line up is incredible and the plot is just as solid. Proper man film full of classic laughs. Loved it. Gave it a nice 3.5 star rating.

Decision To Leave (2022)

This was the film that I'd told Raz was my favourite at the time. I'd just gone to see it in the cinema and it was just as dark and gripping as I would expect it to be. The subplot aligns with the main plot wonderfully to create a rather depressing ending. 4 stars.

The Interview (2014)

It's a Seth Rogan movie, you probably know how this one is going to go. I used to really like this film a good few years ago, but watching it back this year, I realised the only funny part was Kim Jong-Un riding around to Fireworks in his tank. I gave this a three star rating which is probably a little bit too nice.

Starstruck (2010)

Imagine you're the dude that played Chad Dylan Cooper on Sonny With a Chance and Disney asked you to play some blonde heartthrob dude for an upcoming tween movie they had in mind. This was the end result. The soundtrack features some bangers and the whole film is just full of feelgood vibes. Can't really go wrong here. I rated it 2.5 stars purely based on it being a Disney movie. The plot isn't great, but boy is it fun.

Napoleon Dynamite (2004)

The easiest way to explain this movie is that it's an Adult Swim classic except it has nothing to do with Adult Swim. Slapstick humour, autism and bad dancing all curate the wonderful comic masterpiece that is Napoleon Dynamite. Remember to vote for Pedro. 4 stars.

Suspiria (1977)

What I really love about this film is that it really doesn't make much sense at all. In fact, it's one of those films that didn't need to be made, but I'm really glad it did. It mixes really bad sound editing so you can't hear what anyone is saying and when you can hear the actors speak, it's because they've dubbed over the original lines because when it was filmed you couldn't hear what they were saying. The colours and the overall setting is magical and insane and for that reason I loved this movie. 4 and a half stars for a pioneering woman horror classic.

Her (2013)

The Joker falls in love with robot lady, or the infamous Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson). Except this is a very heartfelt story and might actually leave a tear in your eye after watching. Feels like watching a sappy episode of Black Mirror. I rated this 4 stars because I loved the movie enough to buy a physical copy of it.

The Tinder Swindler (2022)

I mean yeah that happened. The only reason I watched this was because Don't Fuck With Cats was made so well,,,, I was left majorly whelmed by this documentary. I gave this three stars for pity on all the lovely ladies he swindled. (don't even think this counts as a movie really).

Contagion (2011)

This movie was far too ahead of its time to be made. I don't need to explain the synopsis to this movie because we already lived through it. My grandma hated living through covid, but she sure loved watching this movie. 4 stars.

The Worst Person In The World (2021)

Just wanted to ask which one of the three main characters was the worst person in the world because they were all equally as bad as each other. I rated this 5 stars and I think if you haven't watched this already, then you should.

Little Joe (2019)

Little Joe could have been one of the most interesting films in the world if the director had decided to not ensure most of the film was just filler. This felt like it was a good 40 minutes too long and literally nothing happened for the last hour. The concept of this film is really cool, but it is like watching a really shit episode of Black Mirror, I rated this 2.5 stars.

The Pacifier (2005)

If you've ever thought about the idea of having Vin Diesel as your personal home counsellor then you've come to the right place. There's lots of scenes of this man both screaming and also saving lives. It's a movie you can both laugh to and also have on as background noise while you take a nap. 4 stars.

In Bruges (2008)

They're filming midgets. 4 stars for the midgets being filmed.

Borat (2006)

Made during the days where Sacha Baron Cohen was still pretty funny and not just using any form of slightly racist joke to make a person laugh. Borat sometimes almost feels like a loveable character. Bonus points for Pamela Anderson as Pamela Anderson. 3 stars.

Personal Shopper (2016)

This film feels like Kristen Stewart begging you to watch her in a movie that isn't Twilight to prove to you that she can act and that she has more than one facial expression. As it turns out, she still only has one facial expression and I find it hard to feel any form of emotion to her character at any point. I gave this a friendly three stars.

Bratz: Fashion Pixiez (2007)

Did anyone ever notice in the film that Cymbeline's dad was pretty much the same model as Fiona's dad in Shrek? I bet you didn't. Now you'll have to rewatch the film again to find that. As far as mid goes, this is the most mid Bratz film out there, the only cool thing is their outfits and that is why it was given a 5 star rating. Vibes only.

Zoolander (2001)

I'll be real with you here. This is not the movie I expected to be writing about, this movie is the last minute thrill of the year. The whole year, my TikTok has been graced with videos of Patrick Bateman with the sigma male captions underneath them, until about literally 5 days ago. My fyp plagued with that one clip of Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson pouting at each other on the red carpet. I knew I had to go back and watch the film. This is a break the scale rating of a film honestly. So many random people in it. George Costanzas dad, Paris Hilton and ,,,, David Bowie. Loved this.

Death Becomes Her (1992)

This film has got to be one of the most camp films out there, When I decided to watch this film, the plot was something I was not expecting at all, but boy were they all so real for this. Humour and discussion of women and their insecurities all perfectly blended into one. My Letterboxd review reads, 'this film made me cut my ingrown chin hair off, thanks Meryl Streep' and if that doesn't convince you to watch the film, then I don't know what will.

Well there you have it. I think this list is a perfect compilation of movies. Ones for the family, movies to scream to, movies to fall asleep to. But most of all, no matter what happens this Christmas, there is at least one movie in this list that will match the exact vibe of how it went with your family. And finally, as Gossip Girl says,,,, have a happy jolly holiday. Xoxo, Gossip Girl.