#if you think about it there's 14 links including the colors

[mizaruwu]

There's 11 links in LU? what are you talking about?

what is goin on lmao

[tin-wufborf]

Tin's Favorite Sterek Fics (Part 18)

Hello again, and welcome back to Tin's Favorite Sterek Fics!

I am so sorry for the delay. Honestly, I've just been flat out fucking exhausted lately (I know, what's new?). This new job has been running me fucking ragged, but I like my job, my hours have increased, and it's almost certainly going to become a permanent position moving forward, so I can't complain too much about it. Still, I'll probably be posting the remaining parts of the series a lot slower than I have been, at least while things are as hectic as they are at work. But you can rest assured that they will be posted.

Just a little warning, it seems that we have hit a second wave of kid fic with this list (I must have perused a few fic rec lists or something, because hot damn, was I reading kid fic at this point in my bookmarks), so sorry about that if it's not your thing. But also you're welcome if it is.

As always, thank you all so much for your continued support of this series. I appreciate each and every one of you, and please know that it brings me such joy to know that you're all enjoying these fics as much as I have.

I'm not gonna ramble on for too much today. I hope you're all having as good a day as you can, if not a great one.

Smoochies and squeezies!

List and links to previous/next part(s) below the cut.

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DISCLAIMER: This is me warning you all that some of the fics I've included in this list may cover explicit, dark, and/or "taboo" subject matters. I cannot express enough how little I care what anyone thinks about any of that; all I want is for you to use caution when reading anything I've listed here and to please review and heed whatever tags the authors have provided in order to keep yourselves safe. Your experience from this point on is your own responsibility, not mine and not the authors'.

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Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20

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ADHDecaf by prdskat (T | 1/1 | 2,765)

Stiles is 25 and runs his own coffee shop. Derek doesn't know this. Derek, a mechanic, thinks that Stiles is 17 and jail-bait.

Misunderstandings ensue.

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Potential concussions and best laid plans by alice9 (NR | 1/1 | 3,322)

“Stiles! Stiles, are you alright?” His father was craning around as if he could see Stiles in the dark. “Dad, I’m alright. She didn’t stab anything important.” “Stab!” Right, he hadn’t seen her stab him. Because he couldn’t turn around.

Or

Stiles and the Sheriff are taken by hunters and it isn't Stiles favorite, like at all.

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A Little Push in the Right Direction by crossroadswrite (G | 1/1 | 3,708)

“Can I see your wolf face?”

Derek flushes all over, ducks his head and kicks the carpet awkwardly. “I, uh, can’t really shift into my beta shift.”

Stiles squints at him and for a split second the color of his eyes turns liquid, like there’s whiskey sloshing around in the irises. It’s subtle enough that it could pass for a trick of the light but Derek knows better; growing up peeking at an array of supernatural creatures from behind his mom’s legs taught him enough to take a step back.

“Maybe you need a push.”

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From the Cradle to the Grave by jezziejay (T | 1/1 | 4,207)

It’s not that the sheriff doesn’t like Derek. It’s just that he thinks Stiles could do better.

 But Stiles has been an adult for over two years now, so he can make his own choices. Even if they are terrible.

 Also, the sheriff doesn’t like Derek.

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Faking It To Making It by gryvon (T | 1/1 | 4,565)

When the Alpha traps Scott and his friends in the high school, Stiles refuses to throw Derek under the bus.

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Children's Tales by artemis69 (G | 1/1 | 4,690)

Be careful, little girl.

Don’t go causing troubles in Beacon Hills, little girl, because the Hales live there.

Keep away from Beacon Hills, little girl, or the Hales will destroy you.

-- Or: In a world where the Hales are alive and the protectors of the town of Beacon Hills, the humans politely fake ignorance of their not-really-human status, and they all live happily ever after.

Then Kate comes in.

Well.

Tries to.

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Leave It All Behind by asarcasticwitch (M | 1/1 | 4,864)

A coil of panic tightens in his chest as, after just three short rings, Derek’s voice—raspy as if barely awake—echoes through the speaker. “Do you know what time it is?” he grumbles, and at any other time, Stiles would’ve made a joke or retorted with something so sarcastic it would’ve undoubtedly earned him a huff in return. But right now, he can’t think of anything to say.

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The Story's Going Somewhere by skoosiepants (T | 1/1 | 5,448)

Inside the station, a honey-eyed waif with a shorn head and a long pale throat is clicking away at a pen and swinging his chair back and forth behind the receptionist desk. Derek plasters on his most charming grin and leans up against it, bracing a hand in front of the guy and sliding his sunglasses down to give him a once-over.

The guy blinks up at him and flushes. His mouth falls open a little and Derek clears his throat around the way he kind of wants to press his thumb to it.

“Hey,” Derek says, still grinning. “I’m here for my sister?”

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Excuse Me, I Believe You Have My Children series by Elpie (Horribibble) (2 works | T | 7,188)

1. A Knight in Shining Flannel (T | 1/1 | 3,650) When a frantic phone call from his daughter sends him speeding across town, Derek Hale is prepared for the worst. What he finds instead are the Stilinskis. - An AU featuring tiny werewolves, awkward single dads, and one bad babysitter. 2. Hide and Go Scare the Hell Out of Daddy (T | 1/1 | 3,538) When Toby has a meltdown in the middle of the shoe department, Stiles has no idea what to do to calm him down. Derek provides a little helper. - An AU featuring tiny werewolves, awkward single dads, and an ill-timed clothing rack safari.

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The One Where They Adopt a Selkie by mikkimouse (T | 1/1 | 7,737)

"That's a kid," Stiles said.

Derek growled. "It's a selkie."

"It's a selkie kid," Stiles pointed out, because really, they did not need to be arguing semantics right now. "Do selkies just go around leaving their kids sleeping in caves on the beach?"

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The Truth Is by BulletBlaze (T | 1/1 | 8,851)

“Well, you should get going then-” “You could come around some time-” A pause. “Wait, what?” A blush bloomed across Derek's cheeks, barely visible over the top of his beard. He shrugged again. “If you wanted to. You could stop by while I'm fixing it up. Help me with some things. If you wanted to.” “You already said that,” Stiles, the idiot, mumbled in disbelief. Derek's blush grew a shade darker.

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Derek, Did You Steal That Baby? by SylvieW (M | 1/1 | 10,119)

When Derek suddenly shows up with a baby, everyone is suspicious. Except for Stiles. He doesn’t care where the baby came from, he just wants to play with her and explore the new side of Derek she brings out.

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Home With You by SylvieW (T | 5/5 | 11,527)

Stiles is sent to stay with the Hales so he can learn to control his spark and his impulses. Everyone treats him like a guest or a student. Except Derek.

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Wolves and Foxes Don't Get Along by Lissadiane (G | 1/1 | 14,557)

The first werewolf Stiles ever sees is a goofy looking dude with floppy brown hair and a crooked smile, leaning up against a black camaro outside the high school, wearing an oversized leather jacket, surrounded by half a dozen other preternaturally beautiful girls and guys, also in leather. Also probably werewolves.

They look like they stepped right out of Twilight and it’s not subtle.

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omnis cellula e cellula by twnkwlf (E | 3/3 | 15,302)

“You put the diaper on backwards,” Derek says.

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For If Dreams Die by veritas_st (M | 8/8 | 24,169)

“I had a dream about a boy last night,” Mischief says through a mouthful of pancakes. His dad points the spatula at him and he swallows before he says anything else. “His name was Derek. He called me Stiles. I want to be called that from now on.”

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California Never Felt Like Home to Me by CharWright5 (E | 1/1 | 31,343)

With the Kanima attacking, Hunters stalking him, and the looming threat of the Alpha Pack drawing near, Beacon Hills is no longer the home Derek once felt it had been. So when Boyd and Erica tell him that they're leaving, he joins them, along with Isaac, the Pack running into a ghost from his past as they leave California behind.

They eventually settle in a small town in North Carolina, where Derek finds himself falling for a local barista named Stiles, who shows Derek what "home" can truly mean and that it's okay for the Alpha to want something for himself every once in a while.

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Into The Open Air by Acherona, trulywicked (E | 22/22 | 99,482)

It was a little strange moving back to Beacon Hills. His daughter becoming enchanted with his odd and very attractive neighbor didn't really help matters.

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I Know Where Babies Come From, Derek series by DiscontentedWinter (4 works | G-E | 131,247)

1. I Know Where Babies Come From, Derek (M | 15/15 | 51,937) Stiles finds a baby on the porch. It looks exactly like him. Well, this is awkward. 2. My Life is not a Horror Movie, Derek (E | 12/12 | 38,993) Stiles keeps dreaming of people in robes with knives. With chanting. In Latin. And he mentioned the knives, right? That can't be good. 3. Nobody Fucks with our Pack, Derek (E | 14/14 | 36,082) There's no such thing as "unthinkable" in Beacon Hills. But this comes close. And Stiles and Derek are going to do everything they can to keep their pack together. 4. This is our Happy Ending, Derek (G | 3/? | 4,235) A collection of curtain fics for the I Know Where Babies Come From, Derek universe.

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I Was A Teenage Werewolf by HaleHathNoFury (My_Trex_has_fleas) (E | 50/50 | 456,244)

Stiles just knows he's going to get lost in the woods. There must be a Laura Palmer reference in there somewhere.

A fork in the road retelling of Teen Wolf where Stiles is the one to get bitten.

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[heartnosekid]

✨ stim creator / community ask game ✨

the phrase “stim content” includes stimboards, moodboards, gifsets, and all the like! also, i may add more to this list eventually!

1. when creating a stimboard for a beloved character, do you prefer to focus more on their color scheme or elements of their character? or a blend of both?

2. what constitutes a good stimboard in your opinion?

3. what are your favorite stims to include in stimboards?

4. what’s your favorite unpopular stim (that you’d really like to see more gifs of 👀)?

5. what’s your least favorite stim to include in a board?

6. what’s one of your favorite things about making stim content?

7. link one or two of your favorite recent stimboards you’ve posted, and explain why they’re your favorite. up to 6 months ago qualifies as recent!

8. how often do you find yourself stimming when creating stim content?

9. who are a few creators that you think deserve more praise in the stim community? tag them if you want!

10. how long have you been making stim content?

11. what inspired you to start making stim content?

12. what’s your favorite thing to listen to / hear in the background when creating stim content?

13. what are some of your favorite stims that don’t have to be related to stim content creation?

14. what’s your current favorite thing / hyperfixation to make stim content of?

15. what’s a topic / piece of media you wish to see or create more stim content for?

16. which piece of media have you created the most stim content for?

17. have you ever been introduced to a piece of media through the stim community? name your favorite/s!

18. describe your general process for making stimboards.

19. what is the stimmiest subject someone can make a stimboard for outside of media, in your opinion? examples are concepts, colors, vibes, animals, etc.

20. do any of your family members know about the stim content you create? if so, what’s their opinion?

21. do your friends know about the stim content you create? if so, what’s their opinion?

22. in regards to music, which artists create the stimmiest songs, in your opinion? link some if you want!

23. do you remember the first stimboard you ever created? link it if you can / want to!

24. if you had to choose one or two, which stimboard/s is your absolute favorite you’ve ever created?

25. do you have any stims you love visually, but would dislike IRL?

26. what’s your favorite visual stim?

27. what’s your favorite tactile stim?

28. what’s your favorite verbal stim?

29. what’s your favorite auditory stim?

30. what’s your favorite method of finding stim gifs?

31. what would you say is the primary “aesthetic/s” or theme/s of your stim blog, if you have any?

32. which is your most popular / most reblogged stimboard? please link it!

33. which is a stimboard/s you’ve created that you feel needs more recognition? please link them!

34. what is your personal opinion of the stim community on a whole?

35. free space! ask any stim-related question not listed here!

[saikira999]

For TWST Minecraft, do you think you could do Lilia, Riddle, Leona and the tweels next. It doesn’t have to all be in one post.

~ Headcannons for TWST characters playing Minecraft

Hi! I was away for a long time because of exams and because I was writing headcanons with these characters. however, I want to warn you right away that I will only do two characters per post, for the sake of beauty. But don't worry! All headcannons have already been written and translated and I will exhibit them in the near future.

(By the way, I have already added Lilia to my old post with Azul. I'll keep all the links here)

Another parts about:

Azul and Lilia!

Idia and Malleus!

Jade and Floyd!

[Riddle]

Riddle definitely heard about this game, but was never interested... However:

1) "What? No, Ace, I won't play this game... How do you imagine Me playing with blocks? I'm not a child, and besides, according to the law of the Queen of Hearts, the number...."

2) Trey convinced Him by saying that the players of Heartslabyul needed Their leader, and playing together would strengthen Their camaraderie... And carefully hinted that not all of Them adhere to the rules of the game (Ace is a damn griefer).

3) First, studied all the information about the game, including the history of its creation, instructions, guides, and even memes, which He didn’t really understand.

4) “Why is the cake not cooked in the oven???”

5) Competes with Azul and Vil in meticulousness and pickiness. He always has perfect order in his chests, each labeled with its own type and number. If you put something in the wrong place, you are must be prepared to get hit in the neck with this object.

6) His house is a perfect symmetrical monster, built not far from the nearest village, next to a birch grove, on the border of which giant mushrooms grow. The house itself is small, with a rose garden around it, and a small lake in the shape of a heart. The house is predominantly made of birch and mangrove, maintaining a red and white palette. Inside there are many vases with roses, paintings and one iconic red bed.

7) The village that He occupied took under His wing, Riddle also rebuilt, planting flowers around it, making a statue of the Queen of Reds from carved stone, and in some places he rebuilt houses, or made new ones, to suit His style. He has good taste, however, this place often comes under the threat of griefing.

8) “I will not punish a freshman for breaking My building in a game about blocks. I will not punish a freshman for breaking My building in a game about blocks..... I will not.... "

Sees Ace surrounding TNT His village and setting it on fire*

"....."

Gets up from the computer and aggressively quickly stomps towards the freshmen's living rooms*

9) A peaceful player who only draws his sword if someone breaks some rules or behaves inappropriately. His blacklist: Ace, Grim, Floyd, Epel, and sometimes Lilia.

10) He prefers the construction and development of his own village (In no case because He likes power over anyone... And no! Not because He competes with Azul in whose village is better... No, no, no. Nope).

11) He runs the largest stable on the server and is very proud of it.

12) His favorite horse is Vorpal. A fast and healthy horse, dark brown in color with white spots, wearing iron armor.

13) Loves to prance around His village, appreciating it from all sides and receiving guests while sitting on a horse.

14) ...In no case because He looks taller like that...

15) Plays Minecraft in secret from his mother.

16) Tries to follow the laws of the Queen of Hearts even in the game and makes sure that players break away from the game in time and drink tea, or do not eat cakes or pumpkin pies within a certain period of time.

17) Despite His strictness, Riddle loves to help other players with buildings or resources.

18) Entry into His village is officially prohibited for Floyd.

19) ACE, EPEL, DON'T TOUCH THESE CHESTS!

20) .....Cakes....The chest is completely filled with cakes...... Completely.

[Leona]

How lazy... Headcanons for a lion and pixel cubes:

1) “What do you want from Me, herbivore? Ahh... yawn*... Do you want to play games for the little lion cubs again, hmm...?”

2) Didn’t want to play for a long time, because considered the game stupid and not worthy of His attention. And He started playing by accident, when he ordered Ruggy to bring Him a sandwich from the kitchen, but he suddenly refused, because “He’s fighting with some dragon and He doesn’t have time to serve on him now... OUCH! OUCH! ENDERMAN IS HITTING HIM!!!”...

3) Had to go get the sandwich myself...?

Nope. He sent someone else, and he himself started downloading this stupid game...

4) Definitely the laziest player. Leona only comes into the game when He gets SO bored that even sleep seems too energy-intensive for Him.

5) As a rule, Leona wanders from side to side, sometimes getting into fights with other players and monsters. He's not much of a builder, but he's quite a good fighter.

6) Loves to cause trouble and often pits other players against each other. It especially hits the villages of Riddle and Azul.

7) At first, He didn’t even try to work on His house, and simply dug a hole for Himself in a beautiful rock... But as he immersed himself in the game, he began to improve His lair more and more, adding some bulky stone structures to the rock and cobblestones, reminiscent of turrets growing from rock walls. Inside, everything is hung with vines, the palette has warm shades. Lots of carpets and flags. The inside of the "royal palace with one single ruler" is a little empty, as Leona only knew that His house must look great from the outside.

8) Perhaps He will plant a couple of acacia trees at the foot, since during construction he often fell down the cliff, and the foliage softens the fall... However, Ruggi, who lives right below Him, seems not very happy with this idea.

9) “Lightning rod, Ruggy. Make Me a lightning rod. You don’t want lightning to set fire to the dry grass near My rock?”

10) Exploits Ruggi, Yuu and other players as best he can, forcing Them to carry resources and food to Him.

11) In Savanna, where He settled, Leona found a huge village, which he captured and declared as His kingdom... Which He would quickly abandon, since he had already killed all the local livestock and accidentally beat up a couple of residents... And then the robbers came, and that village no longer exists... Boredom...

11) Definitely a good ruler (Nope).

12) Afk 24/7. Often, His character simply freezes in place, ignoring any attacks from mobs or players for the simple reason that the lion fell asleep right at the computer...

13) A couple of times he tried to use cunning to take power over other people’s villages and even the server itself, which is why he earned the title of “Local Villain,” but every time, He was either driven back to His rock or banned.

14) One day, as punishment for the fact that Leona had quarreled with the entire server, He was sent to the mine...... And He fell asleep there.

15) And when he woke up, he quickly persuaded Ruggy (I already feel sorry for Him. Seriously. Stop torturing the hyena) to give Him coal, iron and other amenities from the mine, so as not to dig in the dirt on His own.

16) Sometimes He teases Jack, taming wolves in front of Him.... Now, He has a whole army of dogs, ready to tear anyone in His path.

17) Besides Savanna, Leona loves to walk in the desert and jungle, but hates going into water.

18) All creepers are afraid of him.

19) Initially, the lion had poor preparation for the final battle with the dragon, but after visiting other players (DO NOT TOUCH RUGGY), Leona entered the portal, armed to the teeth, and was especially ferocious in battle.

20) Along with Idia and Yuu, he killed the dragon (Insert the sound of an angry cat fighting a huge lizard here), and was the one who picked up the egg.

Initially he wanted to burn it, but in the end he decided to voluntarily give the egg to Malleus “out of pity”... Well, and maybe a little because he wanted to exalt Himself and show who is cool and noble here.

...Needless to say, Malleus did not understand His evil mockery and accepted this ambiguous gift with a little funereal honor.

Give Me ten minutes and I'll post the twins. Also, if you find errors in the text, please report it in the comments (English is not my native language).

Reblog Me, please! :D

[morning-star-joy]

speak to me until your history's no mystery to me

a stranger's heart without a home Chapter 15

Pairing: friends with benefits Joel x F!Reader, Post-Outbreak

Chapter Summary: Tommy approaches you about an idea for Joel's birthday, and you have to distract the man by getting drinks while your friends prepare for a surprise birthday party. When the night winds down, you and Joel share a peaceful moment where you open up to each other more than ever before.

Chapter Warnings: Mentions of Death (Reader's younger sister and Sarah), Grief/Depression with some Catharsis/Healing, Mentions of Sexual Situations, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Alcohol Use (including Underage Alcohol Use but they are supervised by Responsible Adults), Language

A/N: We're caught up to ao3 now! New chapters will be posted here on the weekends when I update on ao3. Ty guys for all the notes, asks, kudos, and comments!!! Words can't describe how grateful I am for the support! I hope you all have an amazing week and I'll see you for Chapter 16, most likely on Saturday!!

Wordcount: 13.1k

chapter 1 || chapter 14 || chapter 15 || masterlist

ao3 link

“I have an idea.”

You pause in your actions, the rattle shaking in your hand stopping as you glanced up from the crib to Tommy’s face next to you.

“No.”

“What?” Tommy asked, baffled at how you already turned him down. “I haven’t even told you yet!”

“I don’t like it,” you said plainly, looking back down at Hope as you began to shake the rattle for her again, much to the baby’s apparent glee judging by her increased babbles.

“But I haven’t even—”

“Or your face,” you added, raising your free hand to point at the stupid, smug Miller look he still had on, and he glared playfully at you.

“Now, that’s just uncalled for,” Tommy drawled, his smooth Southern accent blanketing the words, and you rolled your eyes as you realized the sound of it meant he was laying on the charm thick.

“You think you can work that good Southern boy charm on me, Tommy Miller?” you scoffed, giving him a look of mock disapproval. “You grossly overestimate your ability.”

“Nah, I just grossly underestimate your ability to call my bullshit from a mile away,” he sighed as he crossed his arms, leaning them on the top of the crib to smile down at his daughter, and you can’t help but snort at his remark.

“Seems like you’re finally learning. Guess you can teach an old dog new tricks,” you teased with a cheeky grin, satisfied with the glare Tommy fixed you with.

“Fu—”

“The child!” you interrupted him with a fake gasp, and Tommy rolled his eyes, even as he couldn’t stop a chuckle at your mock offense to his colorful vocabulary.

“She doesn’t even know what’s going on,” he dismissed with a wave of his hand, before his expression melts further when his daughter laughs at your continued shaking of the rattle. “She likes you, though.”

“She likes her rattle,” you brush the compliment off with another shake of the toy, unable to help your own small, fond smile as she laughs brightly again.

You saw Tommy roll his eyes at you from the corner of your eye, but he didn’t say anything further on the subject.

“So, you really ain’t gonna let me tell you my grand idea?”

You sighed heavily, pulling the rattle out of the crib when Hope’s eyes began to droop, a sign that a nap time was approaching.

“Well I know you won’t shut up about it if I don’t,” you reply as you move to set the toy down on the dresser. “So tell me your brilliant idea, oh mastermind Tommy Miller.”

Tommy winced at that, leaning back on the balls of his feet.

“Alright, I like it better when you’re bruising my ego, not inflating it,” he said, and you laughed while you followed him out of the nursery.

“Come on,” you tease, gently smacking him in the chest as you walk to the stairs together. “Now I’m actually curious.”

“Because you like what you can’t have,” he teased, and you let out a disbelieving scoff, even as the words hit a little too close to home. Especially as he added, “Okay, so, Joel’s birthday is coming up.”

The mention of him directly after that previous comment threw you off a bit too much, your foot hovering in the air for a moment as you recollected yourself before you finished descending the staircase.

“How soon exactly is ‘coming up’?” you asked with an inquisitive arch of your brow, trying to not let it show that the topic had actually piqued your curiosity.

“Friday,” he said flatly, and you scoffed.

“Tommy, that’s in three days.” You set your hands on your hips, your other eyebrow raising to join the first as you glanced over him. “Whatever you’re planning for him, it better come together quick.”

“Well, see,” Tommy said slowly with a grin, and you began to shake your head, already knowing where this was going.

“No—”

“That’s where you come in—”

“No, Tommy—”

“All you gotta do is distract him for a bit—”

“Tommy—”

“Take him out for a drink or something, it wouldn’t kill you,” Tommy continued to delve into his great big plan for Joel’s birthday, despite your protests, and you threw your hands up in the air with a defeated sigh when you realized he wouldn’t stop explaining it now, “so then Ellie and I can get the house all decorated—”

“Your house?”

“Your house.”

“Tommy!” you exclaimed, eyes wide with genuine shock. ”What the fuck—my house?”

“He’ll never expect it,” Tommy replied as if the answer was obvious, his tone as cheeky as the grin on his face.

“He’ll never come,” you try to convince him, even if you were the only one who knew that wasn’t exactly true. “Tommy, seriously, Joel and I—”

“Got some real bonding time in,” Tommy interrupted, arching a brow at you as he moved into the living room to flop back onto the couch. “Remember? Said it yourself.”

You paused, taken aback as he flung the words you had spoken after you and Joel had been in the nursery back in your face.

“I mean, we—”

“Are getting along better than you used to,” Tommy said with a smile that turned from cocky to kind, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “I’ve noticed.”

Your body stiffened at the observation, but you tried to cover it up by collapsing onto the couch next to him. Dropping your head back onto the cushions, you stared at the ceiling, wondering just how you had gotten into this kind of conversation with Tommy.

Maybe you were the one who had underestimated him.

You resisted the urge to shift or look over to try and read his face. Instead, you kept staring at the ceiling, waiting for him to say something.

But it seemed like your friend was also waiting for you to say something, and you fell into an uneasy game of trying to wait the other person out, to get them to talk first.

At least, it was uneasy for you.

When you finally gave in and looked over at Tommy, he looked downright fucking thrilled.

Those fucking Miller brothers, you thought with a roll of your eyes before straightening.

“Yeah, okay,” you admitted, tossing your hands in the air like you were giving up. “Fine, Joel and I are…friendly.”

“Fucking finally!” Tommy exclaimed with a wide grin that lit up his dark eyes like stars in the night sky, and you sighed, unable to stay mad at the sight of his happiness. “Told you that you’d get along! God, you’re both so fucking stubborn. Why didn’t you just admit it?”

You shrugged, crossing your arms as you turned away from him again.

It wasn’t often that you felt guilty about the second rule of your arrangement with Joel, but in the face of Tommy’s glee at the revelation that you were friends with his brother now…

You did feel a bit ashamed.

“Because—” you paused, realizing that the conversation was beginning to sound dangerously close to the one in your kitchen, when Tommy was interrogating you about who you had been fucking.

You shifted, your arms tightening across your chest, ignoring the confused glance Tommy sent you at your sudden hesitation.

“Because we thought it’d be fun to fuck with you.” The lie came out easy, and that guilt grew a bit deeper in your stomach, even as Tommy let out a loud guffaw, finding the fake revelation entertaining.

“Fuck you guys,” Tommy sighed, though the words were affectionate as he shook his head at you. “Goddammit, wait, you two might be a couple of menaces together. I don’t think this was a—”

“Too late now!” you interrupted cheerfully, pushing yourself to your feet to pace away from your friend. “So, what, I just gotta distract him for a bit, then bring him back, right? You’ll take care of the rest?”

“Bingo,” Tommy enunciated each syllable with his reply, pointing at you as he did so, and you rolled your eyes as you began to walk out of the room.

“Joel’s going to fucking kill you—you know that, right?” you call back over your shoulder, tugging open the front door before sending one last glance to your friend as he stood to see you out.

“Yeah, probably,” Tommy admitted with a shrug. “Hey, don’t forget a gift, though!”

You turned on the porch, eyes wide and mouth agape at Tommy’s sudden request.

“A gift?” you repeated, holding your hands out wide, as if to demonstrate how empty-handed you were for this event. “Where the fuck am I supposed to find a birthday gift for your asshole brother in three days—”

“Be there!” Tommy interrupted gleefully before shutting the door right in your face.

You groaned, running a hand through your hair, glaring at the closed door for a moment longer before spinning on your heel to go try and figure out what the fuck you were going to get Joel Miller for his birthday.

Three days came and went in a carefully contained panic.

You really tried not to stress out about the fact that not only did you have to find Joel a present for his birthday party within the short timeframe, but that you were hosting said birthday party at your house.

And he had no idea.

The more you tried to contain your emotions, the more they seemed to boil over. When it became obvious to Dina, you had told her about the party plans, and invited her to attend before she could even ask when you saw the way her entire face lit up at the idea—not to mention it would take the place of your typical Friday game night.

Joel noticed your increased awkwardness too, something you tried to distract him from with mind-blowing sex. Afterwards, you were much more relaxed than before, and he was too satisfied from your stress relief session to try and press you about it.

But even then you couldn’t leave it alone completely, since you had been tasked with the arduous task of distracting him during party preparation the next day.

You were laying back on the couch, head propped up on your hand as you lazily watched Joel move into the dining room to prepare your typical post-fuck drinks after he had cleaned you up. The drinks were a habit that had become fairly regular after your nights spent together, but the aftercare was new, something he had started doing since that night he had showed up at your house drunk and jealous.

When Joel returned with the drinks in hand, he passed one to you before gently patting your legs, a gesture for you to pull them off the end of the couch so he could sit. You pulled your legs up, curling them underneath you as you watched him with slightly furrowed brows, trying to figure out how to trick him into wasting time with you tomorrow.

Getting him to your house wouldn’t be the hard part—although you would have to ensure he wasn’t too…eager to participate in your usual activities, given the audience that he wouldn’t know you were going to have when you arrived.

No, the truly difficult part would be getting him to spend time with you beforehand.

In daylight.

In public.

“You’re gonna burn a hole through the side of my head.”

Blinking a few times, your vision focused back on Joel, realizing you had been zoning out while staring at the side of his face, which had now turned to face you directly.

Off to a great start.

You took a breath, trying to weave an intricate plan so you could subtly trick him into being distracted for a few hours, your eyes narrowing slightly as you tried to plot it all out in your head.

Your mouth opened to flawlessly execute your master plan, “Uhh—”

Fuck.

You snapped your mouth closed, your eyes narrowing further, but in annoyance this time as a look of faint amusement crossed Joel’s face while he watched you hedge.

“You wanna get drinks tomorrow?”

Joel blinked at the question that came out of the blue, his amusement shifting into concealed surprise, and you winced internally.

Well that was fucking awful, you remarked internally, trying not to seem too awkward as you watched Joel watching you. Shit.

Slowly, Joel raised the glass in his hand, and you understood what he meant even before he replied, “We are having drinks?”

“Yeah,” you assented, giving a short nod, because he wasn’t wrong. 

You did have drinks regularly after fucking, as you were right now, so why would you ask him to get drinks tomorrow, without the fucking? How was that supposed to be normal and not really fucking weird?

“Yeah,” you repeated, wincing externally this time at how you only repeated yourself without advancing the conversation at all. Shit, this really wasn’t going in your favor, and you had barely even started. “But I meant—well, you know.”

“No, I don’t know,” Joel said with an arch of his brow. He glanced over you before asking slowly, “Are you feeling okay?”

You kicked him in the thigh, making him recoil with a barely held-back chuckle, and you couldn’t help but smile as you heard the sound get trapped in his throat.

“Well,” you almost groaned as you realized you were hedging again, before deciding to just go for it, “I just meant as friends. Because we are friends now, right?”

Joel was still staring at you as if you had suddenly grown a second head, even as he slowly replied, “Right.”

“And friends go out for drinks, right?”

Joel’s brow furrowed, glancing over you again as he probably tried to figure out what the fuck you were getting at, even as he nodded in confirmation.

“Then there you have it,” you replied simply, throwing back the rest of the drink before passing the empty glass back to Joel. You hopped to your feet, smiling widely at him and moving towards the hallway. “See you tomorrow, then.”

“Wait—”

You continued to walk towards the front door, only sparing one glance back towards Joel’s face that was scrunched up in utter confusion. It was impossible to hold back a laugh at the sight, and his expression smoothed out momentarily, shifting into something else you couldn’t—or didn’t—want to decipher before turning back around.

“The Tipsy Bison at sundown!” you called back as you swung the door open, only allowing your nervousness to show after the door had closed behind you.

Groaning quietly, your footsteps automatically began to take the most hidden path back home, a route that had become well-worn by your own shoes night after night.

“Well, great fucking job,” you groaned to yourself, rubbing your hands over your face and through your hair. “Just strong-arm him into it without an explanation. Real subtle. Really fucking great.”

You would like to say that you didn’t immediately look at the skirt or the heels in your closet within minutes of arriving back at your house, but that would be a lie.

You would also like to say you didn’t stare at the tube of lipstick that Dina had conveniently forgotten on your bathroom counter, but that would be a lie too.

But what you definitely would never admit was how you had fallen asleep that night staring at the side of the bed where Joel had laid for only minutes after he had briefly called you his only weeks before.

You didn’t wear the skirt. 

Or the heels. 

Or the lipstick.

What you did wear was one of your nicest shirts, a soft long-sleeved one that was in rotation for the clothes you wore to dinner with the Millers each month. Paired with one of your less faded pairs of jeans, you were ready to head out and meet up with Joel, even as a strange nervousness you couldn’t explain settled in your bones.

That feeling lasted up until the point when you stepped through the doors of The Tipsy Bison and saw Joel sitting at the far end of the bar.

The nerves shifted into something else as you watched him sitting there, a full glass of whiskey in front of him, his hands wrapped around it as he stared down at the amber liquid. You realized with a start that he was wearing one of his nicer flannels—nicer meaning less worn and threadbare, one of the ones that he typically wore to dinner at Tommy and Maria’s.

Something about the sight of him sitting there in that shirt, brows furrowed as he stared at his full drink without taking so much as a sip from it, filled you with a newfound confidence. Your back straightened, taking steps with steady purpose as you strode through the bar towards him.

When you saw him begin to turn as you got closer, you glanced away, getting the bartender’s attention for a drink before you sank down in the spot next to Joel. You could feel his gaze on the side of your face when you rested your chin on your hand, your other fingers tapping a rhythm out against the bar counter.

You could only hope Joel hadn’t picked up on the tapping being a nervous habit of yours yet.

Neither of you said anything for a moment, and you only glanced over at him once you felt his eyes finally move off of you. He was back to staring into his full drink, only taking a sip from it once the bartender returned to place your own drink in front of you.

You paused in the middle of raising your own glass for a sip, glancing over your companion as he swallowed and placed his drink back down.

He was…waiting?

Clearing your throat, you turned back around, taking a large drink from your glass before your fingers moved back to tap against the bar faster.

Suddenly, it was like you were back at the start of your budding friendship. Any conversation that had become easy between you in recent weeks seemed far out of your grasp now, your legs crossing as you searched for something to say that wouldn’t sound totally fucking forced and awkward.

“What, no skirt for me?”

The low murmur drew a surprised laugh from you, your eyes finally flashing back to Joel’s face as his own eyes moved from the movement of your crossed legs up to your face. He shot you a sly smirk that was nearly imperceptible behind the rim of his glass, one you couldn’t help but return.

“I’m sorry,” you replied, keeping your voice equally low to avoid any eavesdropping patrons, even as the bar was emptier than it had been in the height of summer, “that’s a luxury few can afford, cowboy.”

It was a bad comeback, really. Outdated and overused, but Joel quietly chuckled at it anyway, his brow arching in response before replying, “Oh yeah? Like Mike can?”

You blinked in surprise for a second before quickly recovering, but Joel had noticed—of course he noticed, stupid perceptive bastard—his smirk widening just a fraction in satisfaction that he had caught you off-guard with the comment.

“And if I said he could?” you murmured, your voice dangerously toeing the line between friendly and sultry teasing.

Joel shook his head as he looked back at his drink, his pinky finger tapping against the glass. You could tell by the look on his face he had caught your intent of trying to goad him now, but his jaw still ticked slightly. A familiar heat curled through you at the sight of what may just be a hint of that jealousy you had gotten a taste of weeks before.

“Well, not many eligible bachelors in Jackson, right?” he finally said through a sigh, repeating your words from the nursery a month before. Joel still didn’t look at you as he drank before adding, “Guess you take what you can get.”

You snorted, shaking your head as you looked down into your own drink. There was something about the words that caused an unfamiliar feeling to grow, twisting uncomfortably in your stomach before settling to the bottom like rocks weighing you down.

So distracted by the unsettling intensity of the feeling, you almost missed it as Joel muttered, “But you could do better.”

Just like that, the feeling was gone in the blink of an eye, even as it was accompanied by surprise so strong that it made you freeze.

That was the second—third?—time tonight that Joel had managed to stun you, and in less than two minutes at that.

And this time your cheeks began to heat to accompany your shock.

You turned your head away quickly, glancing towards the other side of the bar to pretend you were looking over the room as you composed yourself. His gaze was impossible to ignore on the back of your head, but you tried anyway, mentally scolding yourself to get it the fuck together.

This was just Joel. The conversation between you was no different than any others—just because you were out in public instead of one of your houses didn’t make any difference.

So then why the fuck was your heart running a marathon right now?

You cleared your throat, turning back to face your drink again once you felt your cheeks cool down.

There were a multitude of remarks running through your head, ranging from friendly to seductive to something that you didn’t even want to think about.

Eventually your mouth opened and the words came tumbling out, “Yeah, somehow I get the feeling he couldn’t take me home and leave me satisfied.”

You looked at Joel from the corner of your eye, watching his lips turn up in a cross between a familiar knowing smirk and a smile that felt too real to be directed towards you.

Still, you shot him a quick wink before downing the rest of your drink, an action that was quickly followed by him before he ordered another round for the both of you.

That round was followed by another, and another, the drinks accompanied by quiet jokes and laughter that grew a bit louder the more alcohol that you consumed. Eventually you had to cut yourselves off, not wanting to be anything more than tipsy as you remembered the real purpose of the night.

So that was how you found Joel walking you back to your house, the both of you a little more mellow from the alcohol, and snickering a little too loudly at comments that weren’t even that funny. You noticed that he sidestepped the intermittent street lights leading you back, and you stayed by his side, sticking to the shadows with him as he rolled his eyes at you.

“No.”

“Oh, come on,” you drawled, elbowing him in the side and laughing at how he stumbled just slightly from it. You noticed he didn’t wince, and you felt a small sense of relief at the realization that his injury had probably healed. “You gonna tease me like that and not follow through?”

“I didn’t tease you,” Joel replied, shaking his head at your mock exasperation. “You eavesdropped.”

“You were the one yelling about guitar lessons!” you pointed out with a laugh, eliciting a scoff from him at your word choice.

“Yelling—”

“Come on,” you said again, taking a step closer, nudging his shoulder with yours this time, “you can’t hide all that talent from me, cowboy.”

Joel snorted at that, the sound loud and full of genuine amusement, and you brightened at the lightheartedness of it.

“Hardly,” he drawled, shooting you a lopsided bemused smirk that did things to you that you would take to the grave. “Haven’t you ever heard that ‘if you can’t do, teach?’”

Now it was your turn to roll your eyes as you shot back, “Somehow, I don’t believe that applies to you, Miller. You are absolutely holding back from me, and I won’t rest until you play me a song.”

Joel shook his head again, his gaze sharpening on you as you shifted so you were standing in front of him. 

A smirk grew on your face as you added under your breath, “Besides, you can’t lie to me. I already know how talented those fingers are.”

He made a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a scoff, his eyes lighting up with surprise at your blunt innuendo that quickly shifted into a familiar dark intent. It was a look that would’ve been so easy to become trapped in if you didn’t remember the situation you were trying to trick him into tonight.

So you took a step back, still smirking up at him as you walked backwards in front of him for a few more steps before spinning back around. You hummed a satisfied little tune to yourself as you heard him sigh behind you, followed by quick footfalls as he caught up to you.

“What about you?”

You turned at the question, looking over at him in confusion until he clarified, “Any special, secret talents I don’t already know about?”

“Other than stabbing, shooting and fucking?” you asked bluntly, making him laugh again. 

Somewhere in the back of your mind, you remembered that you were still walking down Jackson’s streets, even as you took the road less traveled by. Anybody could stick their head out their doors and hear you if they listened hard enough, but you were too buzzed to care. 

You couldn’t help but join in Joel’s laughter as you glanced away with a shake of your head. “Nah, not particularly.”

“Bullshit,” Joel replied quickly and quietly, making you turn back with a scoff. “Come on, you haven’t spent thirty—”

He stopped suddenly, glancing over you with a frown. His eyes shifted into an analytical look you hadn’t seen from him for a while, but it didn’t hold the detached, frigid chill you had witnessed upon first meeting him.

“What?” you asked, a grin growing on your face as those familiar brown eyes darted around your face, and you realized what he was looking for. “Joel Miller, you must know that asking a woman’s age is dangerous territory.”

“I just—” he stopped, reaching a hand up to run through the hair on the back of his head, brows furrowing while he continued to look at you. “Thirty, right? Thirty something?”

You chuckled, shaking your head in amusement before turning away, quickening your steps to keep ahead of him, even as he kept trying to catch up.

“Thirty two? Thirty three?” Your laughter only grew as he continued trying to throw out numbers until one stuck. “Shit, not—twenty-eight? Twenty-nine?”

Seeing that you were enjoying his floundering far too much to give him an answer, he quickly gave up. When you turned around to walk backwards again, he was shaking his head with a sigh, and you couldn’t help a small smile at the exasperation that you had caused.

“What about you? Is the grumpy old bastard old enough for a cane yet?”

Joel just kept shaking his head, a familiar glimmer in his eye as he replied in a low tone that was almost a murmur, “You sure have some weird kinks, you know that?”

You laughed, your head tilting back with the sound, and you swear you saw something flash through Joel’s eyes before he looked away.

“No, but seriously,” you said as you stopped in front of him, causing him to also stop walking suddenly so he didn’t run right into you. Still, it left a distance between you so short that your chests would be grazing each other if one of you took a couple steps forward. “How old?”

Joel sighed, staring at you blankly for another moment. When you didn’t budge, he stated flatly, “Fifty si—seven. Fifty seven.”

“Forgetting already?” you asked, raising both your eyebrows as you turned around to walk by his side again. Even though you knew it was because he must have remembered that today was his birthday, he didn't know that you knew that, so you teased, “Damn, already going senile. What a shame.”

Joel elbowed you in the arm, and you looked back up at him as you snickered.

“Shut up,” he muttered, hands shoving in the pockets of his jacket, gesturing with the same elbow to your left.

You turned, realizing with a start that you were right outside the familiar picket fence of your house.

Suddenly, you were hit with the startling feeling of deja vu. You could vividly recall the first time you had stood outside that gate like this together, staring at your house while not saying a word. The only thing that was missing was the fall of snow around you and a comment about the color of your house.

Holding back a sigh, you glanced over to gaze at Joel’s side profile as you marveled at how much had changed between you in what was almost a year. You had gone from strangers to…

To what, exactly? Friends with benefits, yes, but did you really know anything more about him than you did then? Hell, you didn’t even know his age until today. He still didn’t know yours.

You rolled your shoulders back, pushing the thoughts to the back of your mind with a shake of your head. Right now, you had a mission.

One that was made harder than it should have been by the heat you could feel simmering in Joel’s gaze as it dragged up and down your body from beside you.

God dammit, how did you get him inside your house without him instantly tearing your pants off?

“Well,” you sighed, pushing the gate open to stroll through. “You gonna stand here like a jackass, making me ask you to come in for a drink from my porch?”

You shot a smirk back over your shoulder at him, one that was matched by his as he shrugged before walking through the gate behind you.

“Depends,” he drawled, even as he followed you up the pathway to your porch steps. “Do you have my preferred poison?”

The repetition of the words you had spoken the first time you invited him inside your house last winter made you bite your lip to hold back a smile.

“Oh, I have all of them,” you replied as you reached for you front door, biting your lip with a wince as you realized you were doing an absolutely fucking terrible job of getting Joel to keep it in his pants the moment you opened that door.

A groan escaped you as you spun around.

To hell with it, you thought as your mouth opened to let Joel in on what lay just beyond you in your house, when every thought flew from your mind as the man stepped close enough that you were chest to chest.

His hand reached out past you to grab your door handle, pushing the door open as the other one reached for your hip.

You reeled backwards faster than you thought yourself capable in your tipsy state, back hitting the door as Joel continued to advance. He didn’t seem to catch on to your sudden evasiveness, and you nearly tripped over your own feet as you continued to back up down your dark hallway, desperately feeling along the side of the wall for the lights.

“Uh, well, you know,” you said loudly, eyes wide as you dodged Joel’s hand reaching for your hip again before finally finding the lights, “I really think that—”

“Surprise!”

The shouts drowned out your panicking, and Joel’s loud curse of surprise overtook your quiet sigh of relief.

He stumbled away from you, completely taken aback and staring wide-eyed at the sight over your shoulder. You turned, following his gaze to glance over the sight of your atrociously decorated, packed living room.

It wasn’t a crowd, per se, but it also wasn’t a large living room. But each face was smiling—one was smirking, you realized with a passing thought of damn you, Dina—and watching as Joel tried to recompose himself.

His gaze flicked from face to face; to the old, discolored birthday decorations that were torn up in places, strewn across the room; and then back to you. You saw his chest rise and fall in a heavy, silent sigh, any sound it would have made covered up by the loud sound of a birthday noise maker that was quickly followed by Ellie hacking and muttering “oh, that’s disgusting.” 

You gave Joel a tentative smile that was part oops and part please forgive me, and he only shook his head before moving past you, presumably looking towards Tommy as he asked, “The fuck is all this?”

“What do you mean?” you heard Tommy answer brightly, and you turned to see him grinning widely at Joel with an absolutely ridiculous, shiny blue birthday hat on his head that was definitely way too small to be comfortable. “Don’t tell me you’re so old you forgot your own birthday.”

“Tommy—”

“Nuh-uh,” Tommy interrupted with a shake of his head, wagging his finger as he wrapped his other arm around his brother’s shoulder. “Look, I know, but you deserve some happiness today, okay?”

You shifted, brows furrowing as you looked over the faces of the two brothers as they communicated something silently, arguing over an unsaid meaning to those words.

After a short moment, Joel sighed, and Tommy squeezed his shoulder when his older brother gave a slight nod.

Even though it was the closest thing to an okay that Joel gave, Tommy apparently took it as a success. The younger brother seemed positively delighted to be hosting this small party in your house, and it didn’t take long for his infectious cheer to spread to the rest of the partygoers.

Combine him with Dina, and it wasn’t much longer until the drinks were flowing and laughter was filling the rooms that you had gotten used to being so empty over the past years.

The three teens in attendance—Jesse being dragged along by Dina, since they were back to the “on again” part of their relationship—were even allowed one or two drinks. Or three, you realized as you saw Ellie swipe one of the smaller bottles of alcohol from the corner of your eye.

Her gaze caught on yours as she tiptoed back towards her friends, and she froze for a moment with her hands hidden behind her back. She hesitated as you pretended to glare at her, before your face immediately lightened up with a roll of your eyes and a look that said to be at least somewhat responsible.

Ellie grinned at you in response, turning quickly to hurry towards the kitchen where she had taken up residence with the other two teens for the past hour or so.

You turned back around, watching as Eugene laughed with a couple other patrolmen in one corner of the room, even as Mike stood there staring at whatever joke the old man had undoubtedly made with thinly veiled disapproval.

Shaking your head, you took another sip of your drink, unable to believe that Tommy had invited the man he had tried to set you up with into your home. Your gaze darted back to where your friend stood with his brother on the other side of the room, knowing that he was probably keeping careful tabs on Mike’s every move to see if he showed any signs of being your mysterious fuck-buddy.

A groan threatened to escape you, but you held it back, looking over to where Maria and Bonnie sat on your couch with Hope held securely in her mother’s arms. Bonnie was cooing over her, and you couldn’t help but smile, considering joining them for a moment before you glanced away from them too.

Silently moving towards the fireplace, you leaned against it, appreciating a moment to yourself in the midst of the busy night. For all intents and purposes, it didn’t seem like Joel was having a terrible time, so you guessed Tommy could consider his foolhardy plan a success.

When you felt a presence settle by your side, you expected Tommy when you looked up. Instead, you were surprised to see Joel looking down at you as he leaned against the mantle next to you.

“Should’ve worn your skirt,” he muttered under his breath, his mouth covered by his glass as he lifted it for a drink.

You held back a laugh, covering your smirk of amusement with your own glass as you saw him glance towards Mike from the corner of his eye.

“Shut up,” you muttered back, shaking your head at his quiet chuckle, taking a sip from your drink to continue to hide your mirth at the teasing.

As more of the evening passed, and Eugene followed the last of the patrolmen out with a fond pat on your shoulder accompanied by a wink, you settled back against the fireplace mantle again, watching with amusement as Dina and Maria chatted on the couch. The teen was now gushing over Hope, her eyes shining bright as she praised how gorgeous the baby was, each word eliciting laughter and fond smiles from Maria.

Dina was definitely tipsy, to put it lightly—as were the other two teens, but you elected not to comment on it. You were pretty sure everybody left in the room was at least slightly buzzed at this point—well, minus the baby, but that went without saying—and the atmosphere became considerably more relaxed now that it was your small group of close-knit family and friends.

You paused, glancing over the room from where you were still leaning against the fireplace mantle, something cold and hardened in your heart melting at the sight of your living room bustling with more life than you had ever seen. 

Jesse had just said something that had elicited roaring laughter from Tommy and infectious snickering from Ellie. Even Joel’s chest was moving with a deep chuckle. Maria and Dina shared a look, the former rolling her eyes before both of them became distracted by bright, bubbling laughter from Hope that matched her father’s in how cheerful it was.

That same word you passed through your mind again as you watched them all.

Family.

For a long time, you didn’t think you had any left.

Even when you had known what Tommy and Dina meant to you, a part of you still resisted. You were so bitter, so broken that you couldn’t let yourself be happy with the family you had found. The family you had chosen.

You were just so terrified of losing it again. You were still terrified, even now, standing in the safety of your home and surrounded by their presence. 

After losing so much, you couldn’t bear to lose this, too.

But another part of you began to reach out, a voice speaking out to echo through the dark crevices of your mind. It struck a single match and emitted a small source of light, a small flame of hope that, even with all your cynicism, you didn’t have the heart to blow out.

Because even if you couldn’t bear the thought of losing it, you also couldn’t bear the thought of not holding on to it now. 

What was the fucking point of all this love, all this life, if the only thing you could think about was dying for it?

Maybe resigning yourself to that fate of dying for them, dying before them, wasn’t enough anymore.

Maybe instead of being committed to leaving them for that final act of love, you should dedicate yourself to coming home to them instead.

The familiar picture frame caught your attention from the corner of your eye. You turned your head slightly, gazing at the picture that your Little Star had drawn of the two of you surrounded by Washington's tall, evergreen trees.

It was one of two signs in your house that somebody actually lived here, along with the photograph on your bedside table. The only signs that you had actually had a life before you arrived in Jackson.

How old had she been when she drew this? Six? Seven?

You remembered her hair tied in a braid, falling down her back as she laid on her stomach and scribbled the crayon stubs across the paper, feet kicking happily in the air behind her. When she had finished, she presented it to you with a flourish and a bright grin that reached her eyes. It was a light that shined throughout her life, up through the last time that you saw her.

She was so warm, and you were so cold, only getting colder when she was taken from you. A part of you couldn’t help but feel ashamed, wondering what she would think if she could see you now. You had always taken on all the hardness of the world so she didn’t have to, to protect her warmth, her spirit. Now she was gone, and you kept taking on all that cruelty to punish yourself for not being enough to keep her alive.

Every memory of her was wrapped in barbed wire, and you realized now that you didn’t want it to be that way. You wanted to tear the pain off of those memories, even if it made your hands bleed at first. You wanted to remember her with the brightness she deserved, the brightness she had always been. She didn’t deserve to be remembered with winces and tears, but with smiles and laughter, like those that surrounded you in this room now.

It wouldn’t happen overnight. Maybe it would take months, or even years, to give her memory the justice it warranted.

But for what was perhaps the first time, you recognized what her memory deserved. 

And you wanted to try.

“Hey.”

Your gaze snapped over at the soft word, seeing Maria standing in front of you with a babbling Hope in her arms. A smile quickly snapped onto your face, trying to cover up your inner musings, but the drop of a tear down your face told you it was already too late.

Reaching a hand up, you wiped at your cheeks, sniffing quietly before crossing your arms and looking down.

“I’m fine,” you murmured with a shake of your head. “Sorry.”

Maria’s hand found your shoulder, gently stroking it with her thumb, and you leaned into the comfort. When you looked back up, you realized she had stood in a way that blocked you from the rest of the room, and you couldn’t help but be grateful for her thoughtfulness.

She didn’t say anything about it, only giving you a small, reassuring smile before Hope babbled again. You both looked down at the baby, Maria’s smile growing as a quiet, choked laugh full of fondness escaped your lips.

When Maria looked back up at you, silently offering the baby to you, you only hesitated for a brief moment before giving a slow nod.

As Hope was passed into your arms, a quiet exhale was pulled from your lungs with a whoosh, as if some invisible string was tugging at your soul towards your goddaughter. You looked down into her dark eyes with a growing smile as you held her for the first time. She looked back up at you, those small baby teeth showing in her own bright smile that warmed your broken heart.

When you began to bounce her a little, and her babbles turned into laughter, you realized that maybe it wasn’t so broken after all.

Maria squeezed your shoulder gently, giving you one last smile before moving back to her spot on the couch next to Dina. You glanced over at the teen to see her and Ellie with their heads bent together, giggling over something, and you couldn’t help but smile fondly before looking over at the other group.

It seemed Tommy was in the midst of some kind of story, his hands moving and gesturing with his words, Jesse leaning forward and nodding along intently. You didn’t know how it had happened—maybe it had something to do with your rescue from the hunters—but somehow the teenager had really come to look up to the Miller brothers in recent months. He hung onto Tommy’s every word, even as Joel’s attention was less fixed on his brother.

Those familiar dark brown eyes were moving between both of them before they slid over to you, and you tensed as your gaze met his.

For a moment, you almost felt embarrassed at being caught staring, until his brows furrowed, and his eyes shifted into a look that you hadn’t seen before.

But even as it was unfamiliar, you could somehow tell exactly what it meant, and it eased the burden of your emotions just slightly as you heard the question he was silently asking.

Are you alright?

You tipped your head just slightly in a subtle nod, one that Joel returned before looking back towards Tommy at the same moment the man reached the crescendo in his story. Jesse broke out into loud laughter, and Joel followed the cue well, giving his own quiet chuckle even as you knew he hadn’t been listening.

The thought made you shake your head, lips turning up in a half-smile, even as you felt eyes on you from where the girls were. You didn’t know who was looking at you, and you didn’t care to entertain any suspicions you’d rather not deal with in the moment, instead looking down at Hope again when she waved her small hand through the air.

You let it wrap around your finger, and this time you didn’t pull back.

Even as the night went on, none of you made a move to leave the rare, comfortable peace you had all carved out together in this moment.

A batch of cookies made by Jesse and Dina was passed around the room in a Tupperware container. If you were lucky, you would get one of the cookies that was not horribly burnt—Jesse’s handiwork, no doubt.

Much to Joel's exasperation, the container had been placed in his lap first as you all sang an off-tune, off-beat Happy Birthday to him. His withering glare was hard not to laugh at, but you couldn't contain the grin on your face when Ellie and Dina dissolved into giggles at the sight of his annoyance.

Then came the gifts. The first one was also from the young couple, a new flannel that Jesse had found on patrol. It was sweet and a little bit funny as Dina explained that her boyfriend had shown her at least four options over the past couple of days, and how that one was the least ugly of them all.

Joel’s face twisted into the briefest of grimaces as Dina unintentionally—or maybe with complete intention, knowing Dina—dissed Joel’s taste in fashion, and you and Ellie had to cover your mouths as you both were about to break into cackles at the insinuation, combined with the look on Joel’s face.

The gift from Tommy and Maria—and Hope, whose name had been added to the old, weathered birthday card Tommy had also found on patrol—was a new vinyl record that looked like it was before even Joel’s time.

Still, Joel looked as close to being excited as you think he could manage as he glanced over the title and track list on the cover.

“Is this—”

“Yeah, the one Ma used to play,” Tommy finished Joel’s line of thought with a laugh, and Joel’s lips tilted up into a smile so shockingly bright that it made you smile yourself. “In the kitchen when—”

“She would make dinner, yeah,” Joel finished his brother’s sentence this time, another chuckle escaping his throat, shaking his head as he continued to glance over it. “Damn, where’d you find this?”

“Got lucky,” Tommy said with a grin, turning his head to shoot you a wink, much to your surprise. “Second time that’s happened, now.”

You shook your head, rolling your eyes even as you couldn’t dampen your smile as you knew he was alluding to your own “birthday” gift of music from your youth.

Then it was your turn.

You unceremoniously tossed the small box to Joel, who caught it easily as he shot you a look which was a cross between bemusement and genuine surprise that you had gotten him something.

The only response you gave him was a shrug, and he looked down at the box as he tugged the top off, glancing down at the contents inside.

His surprise only grew, shooting you another look that you merely shrugged at again before he picked up one of the guitar picks inside.

Joel turned the small, finely carved wood over in his fingers, his eyes widening a fraction for just a moment before he put it back down inside.

“Thanks,” he mumbled, and you nodded before gesturing towards the other pick inside.

“It’s not just for you,” you pointed out, watching as Joel’s brows furrowed in confusion before he picked up the other one.

He turned it over again, his brow smoothing out, lips twitching into a small smile before he held it out for Ellie.

“Who, me?” she said in surprise, though it quickly turned into glee as she grabbed the guitar pick from Joel. “Fuck yeah, Joel’s birthday is the best.”

Laughter filled the room from more than one person, and Joel nudged Ellie gently with his arm. She glanced towards him before sighing and turning back to you.

“Thanks,” she said, the word coming out easier than it had for Joel, her smile bright and contagious as you nodded in reply.

“No problem,” you waved it off like it wasn’t a big deal. “Eugene’s good at that kind of stuff, and I figured since he was returning a favor, I might as well let him work for it.”

The favor thing was a big fucking lie. Eugene had not owed you a favor—in fact, you now owed him one or two for crafting the guitar picks with engraved initials for Joel and Ellie.

But nobody needed to know that.

When it was Ellie’s turn, she bounced up from her seat, hurrying into the kitchen and returning with a small journal she must have brought with her. She flipped through it, cursing loudly when a page came flying out, grabbing for it until she caught it in the air.

With a sigh, she smoothed out the paper before jutting it out towards Joel’s face, holding it much too close to his eyes for him to see with a blunt, “Here.”

Joel gingerly took the paper, pulling it away from his face so he could actually look over it.

When he did, the man softened more than you had ever seen. A warm smile flickered onto his face, one that didn’t fade as he looked back up at the girl who swayed awkwardly, waiting for his reaction.

“Thank you, kiddo,” he said gently, reaching out to bump his fist against Ellie’s arm, which she rubbed at awkwardly before she shrugged the shoulder.

“Eh, whatever,” she muttered, though her smile matched Joel’s as he looked back down at the paper.

You were able to catch just a glimpse, seeing what looked to be a drawing of him with Ellie's signature in the corner, and you couldn't help but smile yourself.

Joel was careful not to crease the drawing, forgoing folding it to instead hold it flat against his chest while the party finally began to wind down.

Jesse and Dina were out the door first, the boy straightening as you sent him off with a glare and a scolding to keep her safe and to not do anything stupid. Dina punched you in the shoulder, immediately drawing a warm smile from you that was directed towards her alone.

You ruffled her hair, giving her a playful shove to send her off along with a call of, “That goes for you too, troublemaker!”

She flipped you off over her shoulder as they walked off, and you rolled your eyes with a quiet chuckle. Leaning against your doorway, you glanced back to watch Tommy adjust a sleeping Hope in his arms, following Maria as she walked up to give you a short but warm hug.

“I’ll be by in the morning to help you clean up,” she said when she pulled back, and you returned her gentle smile with one of thanks.

“It should be him," you drawled, shooting Tommy a look that he shifted away from.

“Hey, divide and conquer, right?” he said, smiling back over his shoulder at you as he walked out onto the porch with his wife. “I put it up, she takes it down—sharing the power and all that good communist crap.”

“Communist crap?” you repeated with an arch of your eyebrow, and you heard Ellie cackling from somewhere behind you before Maria tugged her husband down along the pathway to your picket fence gate.

You turned back, directing your questioning gaze towards Joel and Ellie now as she gathered his gifts up, as Joel was still holding the paper she had given him close to his chest.

“Is anybody ever going to explain the whole communist thing to me?” you asked with a sigh, drawing nearly matching smirks from Joel and Ellie that you couldn’t help but smile at.

Neither of them chose to respond, and you rolled your eyes as they moved to walk past you.

“Thanks for letting us hang!” Ellie called behind her before crossing the porch, bounding down the steps as Joel paused for a moment beside you.

Your gaze darted towards him, seeing he was glancing towards you from the corner of his eye, even as he wasn’t saying anything.

After a moment of opening your mouth and closing it, you eventually stuttered out, “So, uh—”

“Tonight?”

It was only one word, but it caused something akin to excitement to course through you, and you bit back a smile as you nodded in confirmation to the meaning behind the simple question.

Joel nodded back, his gaze snapping back in front of him as he hurried to catch up with Ellie as she walked down the path. She looked up at him, her small smile drawing a wider one from Joel while they leisurely walked out of the gate together.

“You know, you can take your shit and I can put that back in my journal—”

“No way, this is my gift,” Joel scoffed, pressing the paper closer to his chest, and you smiled warmly as you watched them walk away into the cold autumn night.

“These are your gifts too!” Ellie spoke with exasperation, and you swear you could hear the chuckle in whatever Joel’s response was, even as they got too far away to hear clearly anymore.

You let the door close behind them, ignoring the mess that was your living room and kitchen as you moved into your bedroom, trying to find a way to waste time for a few hours until you met Joel again.

As you waited, your fingers tapped against the tube of lipstick Dina had abandoned in your bathroom before you tossed it into the back of a drawer and slammed it shut, trying to ignore that the temptation had even been there to begin with.

When you knocked on Joel’s front door a few hours later, he didn’t answer.

You sighed, running a hand through your hair that you definitely had not brushed through more than once as you had waited for the hours to pass until it was truly the dead of night.

“Fucking asshole invites me over and doesn’t even answer,” you muttered to yourself with a huff, even though your words were tainted with more nervousness than annoyance before you knocked again.

Still no answer.

You bit your lip, the situation too similar to when you had found him injured to give you comfort. Even though you knew there was no reasonable way for him to get hurt after the party, it still felt too familiar, and the way it set your nerves on edge led you to open the door.

Letting it close behind you, you took a moment to kick off your boots before moving further into the house. It was a habit Joel had gotten into months ago at your house, and one you had recently picked up on in his house as well.

He wasn’t in the living room, the dining room, or the kitchen, so you moved towards the staircase with a gnawing feeling of fear growing in the pit of your stomach.

There’s no way, you told yourself as you hurried up the steps.

Thankfully, there was no familiar jacket or blood on the floor, and that caused your nerves to lessen slightly.

There was a sound that was drifting from down the corridor, one that made you step forward slowly in confusion, hesitant until you realized what it was.

Music.

You couldn’t place the era of music exactly from the hallway, but you had a pretty good guess as to what it was as you walked closer to Joel’s bedroom door, where the music was drifting through. Your gentle knock nudged the halfway-opened door to creak open further, and you resisted the urge to peek your head through as you called out to him.

“Joel?”

There was a shifting sound from inside, followed by quiet for a moment until his gruff voice replied, “Yeah, in here.”

You huffed out a silent sigh, forcing yourself to overcome your hesitation and enter at what you guessed was an invitation to come in from the stoic man.

Leaning against the archway that led to the main part of his bedroom, you let your gaze wander over the room just briefly, noting the spinning record in the little vinyl corner before it landed on Joel.

He was laying back on his bed, a knee propped up as he rested a glass of whiskey in his hand on top of it, the back of his other arm thrown across his face.

Your brows furrowed, a different kind of worry sweeping through you at the sight. You glanced from him to the nearly empty decanter on his bedside table, chewing your bottom lip as you thought over what you could possibly say in a moment that felt almost…vulnerable. Like he was letting you see a side of him that didn’t show often.

When you finally opened your mouth to try and find some words to speak, Joel asked quietly, “You know what today is?”

You leaned back slightly, your lips turning down into a frown at the ambiguity of the words.

“Your birthday?” you said slowly, earning a quiet huff of laughter from Joel, but it didn’t sound particularly humored.

“The date,” he clarified, and when you realized you didn’t know, you began to count it through in your mind.

It had been September 23rd when Tommy had told you about his idea, and that was three days ago. So—

“September 26th?” you replied, hesitant as you double-checked your math in your mind. When you were sure that you had gotten it right, you turned your confusion back to Joel, watching as he brought the whiskey back to his lips for a sip without moving the other arm from his eyes. “What does—”

Suddenly, it hit you.

Today was September 26th.

Which meant tomorrow was the 27th.

Outbreak Day.

An image flashed through your mind, the names and dates on Tommy’s memorial shrine coming back to you clearly, and you sucked in a breath as you realized what Joel meant.

Suddenly, the look on Joel’s face when he had walked into the surprise party, the “I know” from Tommy, finally made sense.

Jesus fucking Christ, he had lost his everything the day after his birthday.

Your heart ached, stomach sinking as you leaned against the archway. Looking down at your feet, you struggled for something to say, because what could you say to that? What would you want someone to say to you?

At that thought, you looked back up at Joel, thinking back to what he had said to you when you had been the one mourning, the one wallowing, not that long ago.

No, not what he had said to you.

What he had done for you.

You walked around the bed so you were on the side with the decanter, giving Joel a gentle nudge for him to move over.

Finally, his arm pulled away from his face, looking up at you with confusion. When you saw how those brown eyes, a comforting sight at times, were rimmed with red, your chest tightened.

“Move over,” you mumbled, nudging him again, and he sighed quietly before he shifted to the other side to give you room to lie down.

When you did, you gently eased the drink from his grip, finishing it off yourself before placing it back on the bedside table next to the decanter.

You didn’t say anything, but you didn’t have to. Instead of trying to make the pain go away with meaningless words, you chose to sit with him in it.

Laying side by side, you and Joel stared at the ceiling in silence that was filled only by the vinyl record that continued to spin, the vinyl from Tommy that sounded like it might be from the 60s or 70s drifting through the air. While neither of you uttered a word, you hoped he understood what you were trying to silently communicate to him, because you didn’t think you could explain it yourself even if you tried.

You were trying to tell him that it was okay to let himself feel it. It was okay, and he wasn’t alone in it. He didn’t have to be, not if he didn’t want to.

After a few more minutes of letting it wash over him and listening to the music continue to play, you felt Joel’s pinky finger graze against yours from where they rested next to each other on the bed.

Your heart lurched in your chest, but not from discomfort. In the back of your mind, you heard Eugene’s words echoing clearly.

Maybe it’s your turn to hold onto him.

And for once, you didn’t hesitate.

This time, you were the one who took that leap—the one to reach out when Joel was pulling away. Your hand shifted, grazing over the back of his before snaking underneath it. Your palm laid against his as you held his hand, and you squeezed it gently once.

After another moment when the needle began to hit the end of the record and skip back over and over, creating an endless scratching sound on repeat, Joel squeezed your hand back.

You didn’t have the heart to be annoyed by the record, or the strength to get up and put the needle back, as Joel’s fingers intertwined with yours.

Letting your gaze roam across the room, you couldn’t help but laugh at the simple wood carving on the wall, one that you narrowed your eyes at to make sure you were seeing it right.

“What is that saying?” you mumbled, drawing Joel’s attention from the ceiling down to you, even as you didn’t meet his gaze in favor of looking at the wall décor in the shape of Texas. “‘Can't take Texas out of the man’, or something like that?”

Joel laughed quietly beside you, even before you felt his gaze shift from you over to the carving you were talking about.

“Surprised you’ve heard of that,” he murmured, to which you rolled your eyes.

“Come on, I was alive for a hot minute before the world ended, you know.”

“Right,” Joel said almost casually. “Because you’re…thirty?”

You bit your lip to hold back a smile, still not saying anything even as he continued, “Thirty-one?”

When you still didn’t reply, he huffed out a sigh, shaking his head before muttering to himself, “I’ll get it one of these days.”

Your gaze shifted back to the ceiling, as did his. The record continued to scratch, but neither of you pulled away from where your hands were joined between you on the bed.

“How about this,” you started quietly, shifting slightly to get more comfortable on the bed. Your head tilted a bit more towards his, but you still evaded his gaze as you asked, “What’s your favorite color?”

You didn’t need to look at Joel to know his dark eyebrows were furrowed in confusion, because you could hear the puzzlement in his voice as he mumbled an eloquent, “Huh?”

“Come on, I’m not asking you if you believe in god or whatever cosmic powers there may be,” you said dryly with a roll of your eyes, finally rolling over to meet his gaze straight-on. “Favorite color. Go.”

Joel’s brow was just as furrowed as you had expected when you looked at him, the brown depths of his eyes swirling with uncertainty at what you were getting at.

“And don’t say something stupid like black or white,” you added, trying to draw some comfort out of him with your trademark sarcastic wit. “A real color.”

He huffed, shaking his head at you before looking back up at the ceiling. For a moment, you thought he was going to ignore you, and you were ready to pull away, your palm starting to slip out of his when his hand tightened around yours and he answered, “Blue.”

Your lips twitched, a smile tugging on them at the admission. His gaze flashed down to you, then to your smile, before he quickly looked back up at the ceiling again.

There was a quiet moment as you gazed at the side of his face and he avoided your eyes.

“What about you?” he asked finally, turning his head fully now to return your gaze. When you opened your mouth, he quickly added, “Wait, no. Your house.”

The words made you pause, your heart thumping in your chest with an emotion you couldn’t name as he said it probably in the same moment that he remembered your words from the day you had met.

Interesting color.

He had made the comment about your house color then without animosity, but there had been some definite confusion, maybe a bit of judgment in the remark.

But Joel was looking at you now without a hint of that skepticism or analysis.

Just watching, waiting for your confirmation.

“You said it was your favorite color,” he added, the words so quiet they sounded almost hesitant, and your brows furrowed as you glanced over his face, that feeling in your chest deepening.

“It’s not,” you said quietly, the admission slipping from your lips before you could think twice on it.

Joel’s face was puzzled again now, and your gaze darted away from him.

“It's…it was hers,” you murmured, staring down at where your fingers were still intertwined with his. “She, uh—she always wanted it. The cozy house, the picket fence. All of that.”

You shrugged, pressing the side of your face further against the blue sheets on the bed. Blue, you thought somewhere in the back of your mind, tempted to smile even as you felt the familiar wave of pain wash over you at what you were admitting for—shit, maybe for the first time to anybody. You didn’t think even Tommy knew this, even as he didn’t question why you had turned down the offer of a larger house in Jackson years ago for the small one you still lived in.

“That was her dream,” you whispered, eyes drifting shut as you focused on the scent that was embedded in those blue sheets. Clean soap and something earthy, something heady that made your muscles relax. Familiar. Comforting. “I told her that we’d do it someday. When Tommy and I got here, I figured—well, I figured I’d try, I guess.”

A shaky sigh left your lips as they began to quiver, and your eyes squeezed shut tighter as Joel’s thumb stroked across the back of your hand. Not because it was uncomfortable, but the opposite—it was so goddamn fucking soothing that it threatened to break you with its gentleness.

Who would have thought the thing to make you finally crack was something so tender?

“Sarah wanted pancakes.”

Your eyes blinked open, gazing up at Joel at the quiet words to see he was staring back up at the ceiling.

There was a moment when he said nothing, and you almost wondered if you had misheard before he added, “For my birthday. She wanted to make me pancakes, but I forgot the mix. So I promised her I’d get a cake, but I forgot that too.”

Joel rubbed a hand down over his face, leaving it there for a moment as he inhaled deeply. The breath was slightly shaky, and this time you stroked your thumb across the back of his hand.

“It seemed so trivial at the time,” he murmured, finally letting his hand drop. His face seemed as stoic as always, but you could see the way his eyes wavered, and you held his hand tighter at the sight of it. “And maybe it was but, shit, I—I just—”

He floundered for the words, hand gesturing blankly in the air, and you finished quietly, “You miss those trivial things the most.”

Joel looked back at you, the brief surprise softening into something else, a look that spoke a sentiment along the lines of oh, of course you understand.

Of course.

You had matching wounds, after all.

“The songs they sang, their favorite jokes,” you continued just as quietly. “What food they hated. Seeing something and thinking ‘oh, they’d love that.’”

“I still do that,” Joel murmured, and you smiled softly up at him.

“Yeah, me too,” you admitted, and a small, gentle smile of his own broke across his face.

Another moment of silence as you stayed there like that. Hands still joined, you didn’t even notice the record scratching anymore.

“You know, my sister loved the stars,” you said softly, your smile growing as your eyes glazed over with the memories. “Like, she was borderline obsessed with them. We used to try and find the constellations back in the Seattle QZ. It was hard with all the lights and shit, but when we joined the Fireflies—oh, man.”

You laughed to yourself, and you were so distracted by the warmth of the memory and the way Joel’s smile grew as he listened that you didn’t even realize you had said the words my sister for the first time in years.

“When we first began to travel with them, and we were in all those open outdoors, she would not go to sleep. She’d stay up most the night, trying to find as many of those constellations as she could, tracing them over and over again.”

A sigh slipped past your lips as you shook your head. “Don’t know why she was so in love with the stars when she knew they were dead.”

Joel didn’t say anything, but you didn’t mind that. You also appreciated how he didn’t press you about more information now that you had directly mentioned losing your sister, even as you began to struggle under the weight of what you had said out loud.

“My daughter, she uh—” Joel started, breaking off to clear his throat before continuing, “she played soccer. And she was a fucking natural at it too—I’m not even doing the proud dad thing, you can ask Tommy.”

You laughed at the remark as it pulled you from your silent spiraling, unable to ignore the warmth that bloomed through your chest as Joel mentioned asking Tommy about Sarah. Even though it was akin to a joke, the thought of being that trusted, that included by Joel made you smile.

The quiet sound of your laughter earned a small smile from Joel, even as you replied, “I wasn’t gonna say you were.”

Joel chuckled under his breath at your comment. He turned back up to stare at the ceiling, his gaze far-away as he added, “When she was younger—like, eight or nine—she was on this soccer team of all boys. She was the only girl on the team.”

His gaze shot back towards you, and you saw a glimpse of that proud dad by the way his eyes lit up, his voice brightening while he continued, “Every single boy on that team cried at least once. But not my baby. She was tougher than any of them. Scored the most goals, too. God, she had so many awards cluttering her room.”

Your smile grew, your gentle laughter joining the chuckle that rumbled from his chest at the fond memory.

Joel’s thumb rubbed across the back of your hand again, slowly caressing your skin in gentle circles when you both fell silent, content to let the happy memories ease the pain, at least for tonight.

When a particularly loud scratch of the needle echoed in the room, you jumped, and Joel finally pulled his hand away from yours with a sigh.

You watched him stand and move towards the record player to pull the needle off, your hand that was still warm from his touch flattening against the bed for a moment, spreading across the sheets that were full of his familiar scent before you pushed yourself up.

“I should probably go,” you said quietly, swinging your feet off the bed to place on the floor.

Joel’s eyes moved back towards you, glancing over you as you sat on the edge.

“Yeah,” he murmured with a nod, picking up the vinyl to carefully place back into its sleeve.

You watched Joel for another moment as he set the record back to its proper place amongst the rest of its collection. Your fingers tapped against your knees, hesitating for a few brief seconds before you pushed yourself to your feet.

When you moved past him, you almost thought he was just going to let you go, but then his voice rang out behind you, “Uh—”

You wished you hadn’t stopped so quickly just at that simple sound he made. You wished your heart hadn’t skipped a beat, or that you didn’t instantly turn back to face him, letting his gaze search yours to find god knows whatever was hidden in your eyes in that moment.

Joel cleared his throat, his gaze not breaking from yours even as you both stayed silent. You saw his eyes waver and knew he wanted to look away, but he didn’t break your locked gazes.

Eventually, he finished, “You want a drink?”

Your lips tilted up in a half-smirk, shaking your head in bemusement before replying gently, “I think you’ve had enough to drink tonight, cowboy.”

Joel sighed, his gaze finally slipping from yours, and you felt like you could finally breathe again while he murmured, “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

Your eyes lit up at the words you’re right leaving Joel’s lips, tucking that little victory away for later. 

His hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans while he leaned back slightly, looking up to meet your eyes again as he said quietly, “Well, see you around, then.”

You nodded, your hands fidgeting in front of you. “Yeah, see you.”

Neither of you looked away.

Finally, after a moment that was much too prolonged for your comfort, you forced yourself to turn. The moment your gazes were no longer locked, whatever tension that had been slowly building between you since he put the record away shattered.

You heard Joel clear his throat again behind you before his footsteps backed away from you, and you resisted the urge to look back, even as you loitered in the archway of his room, your hand grazing against the frame.

When you heard the bed creak as Joel sat back down on it, you let your hand fall from the archway, moving towards his bedroom door before his voice softly calling out after you made you pause.

“Thanks.”

It was such a simple word. 

It didn’t have to mean anything. 

It wasn’t even the first time you had heard it from him.

But it still caused a wave of emotions to crash through you, and you stiffened under them. Clearing your throat, you considered the nearly overwhelming temptation to just run out of there without saying anything.

It was hard to resist your natural reflex to outrun anything that made you feel too deeply. But after what you had said tonight; the way he had opened up to you, how he had smiled so genuinely at you when you spoke of your sister for the first time in years…

Your mouth opened, planning to brush it off, to mutter another simple it’s not a big deal so you could bring that counter up to four.

But that would have been a lie.

And somehow, you couldn’t seem to bring yourself to lie in that moment, even if you had been able to find a convincing enough one.

So instead, you found two words slipping out of your mouth before you could even consider them.

“Of course.”

Again, it was such a simple sentiment.

It didn’t have to mean anything.

It was basically the same as no problem, or even the it’s not a big deal you liked to throw around.

But there was a weight there. Something unspoken in those two words, even though you couldn’t hear it through the blood rushing in your head.

At that point, the instinct to run was too strong to ignore. But you resisted it for just one more moment, if only to murmur a quiet, "Happy birthday, Joel."

After that, your feet carried you quickly out of the room. You walked down the hallway and down the stairs in what was almost a haste, eager to outrun whatever he was making you feel.

Only once you were outside of the house did you relax, leaning heavily back against the front door as it shut behind you. Eyes sliding shut, you winced at your awkwardness at the end there, placing a hand on your chest as your heart had yet to calm down.

“Fucking hell,” you muttered under your breath, forcing yourself to take each step away from the house, your thoughts continuing to race even when your heart finally did settle.

Unlike the first time you had been in his bedroom, you had allowed yourself to look around the room that time; seeing how he decorated the most intimate place in his life, taking in the things he chose to wake up to every morning. You had seen the windows opposite the bed, overlooking the street you walked down now.

Resisting what had become a natural habit, you took the path under the streetlights back home this time, wondering if he was watching.

He was.

[accio-victuuri]

the color yellow x SDC 6 finals 💛

this post is more about the fandom & yibo. for the past days, there has been some drama over yibo’s comment section and today turtles have decided to show support and bring in numbers for him. i swear, since i’m following lots of cpfs on weibo, they are really relentless in reminding people of the crucial times stuff ( 13:30, 14:30, 15:30 and 16:30 ) will be posted and how we should all be there. what to look for, which is the 🟡 and reminders. i mentioned before that the fandom agreed to remove the color red or any mention of xz. also avoid including xz’s picture and make more real / relevant comments than spam-y posts. i absolutely love how our fandom took accountability of the mistakes and changed for the better.

so the target today was the sdc + youku announcement for his appearance + yibo official post and well… we dominated.. i’m sharing this later so there are stuff from so/os but the first hours were a clean sweep by us. i’m also adding the bts photos by SDC + yibo official photoshoot.

P.S: If you have weibo, i have the posts linked so give a like to comments by CPFs. 💛

Just to give an example of what the comments look like now compared to before. No more senseless emojis and edited photos. It’s all related to SDC. My fave would be the first one! because that line by yibo has a cpn attached to it and at the same time is connect to his love for dancing.

People are free to agree or disagree to this team building and what it means. Some may think we should back down to prevent further friction and some are just chill with it. Personally, I think that the numbers all go to WYB + his engagement rate on Weibo. This “competition” is making those numbers higher than usual which is “good” for him. I know that antis are gonna find a way to imply something negative but who tf care what antis say. Many people love Yibo and support him, that’s what matters. SDC is also a favorite among cpfs, so i’m not surprised that we are mobilizing like this both online and offline.

and look at WYB’s color for today. Gold/Yellow! 💛 yep, i know the green must be taken by a different captain on the show currently but seeing that color on him is a nice change. ☺️

[the-gateway-to-madness]

@thesadpuffin

Behold, your very own high school radio station kids to play around with or ignore as you please. If this school does not have its own radio station, please assume they found a way to make their own, because these imbeciles absolutely would.

Shisi concepts:

17

Favorite color: seafoam green

Favorite drink: Sprite

Favorite food: any fresh bread, but especially sourdough

Would be from Kakariko

ASMR girl energy

Very quiet and calm

The one in charge

Aroace or just casually disinterested in drama, idk/idc which (both probably)

DJs Mon-Wed-Fri after school

The only neurotypical

She weightlifts. I didn't think of this until after drawing her, so she looks slimmer than she should, but it fits her so I'm adding it.

Torenn concepts:

16

Favorite color: teal

Favorite drink: Fanta lemon

Favorite food: Fish, shrimp, and crab (he doesn't like lobster)

Would be from Lurelin

Works and repairs all the tech involved

✨️autism✨️

A little nervous, follows the rules well enough to keep their station from being shut down by the school

Long n skinny with no muscle so his clothes are all baggy to be long enough

Flawless deadpan

DJs Tues-Thurs after school

Kyta concepts:

16

Favorite color: Purple

Favorite drink: fruit punch

Favorite food: chicken cordon bleu

Would be from Hateno

Knows a wide range of music

DJs on weekends because she's the only one willing to, and also runs the music for things like sporting events (she likes to play dramatic music when Revali goes out on the field, because she thinks it's funny when he gets mad)

✨️adhd and autism✨️

Has a running joke with herself about how many hair ties she can carry on her person

Refuses to wear the skirt

Ships Zelink. Torenn and Shisi don't get it

Gremlin energy- talks on live radio like she's making tumblr posts, her only concession to the rules is not swearing (she thinks it's funnier to use stuff like "fiddlesticks" and "horsefeathers" on air and watch Shisi and Torenn cringe, anyway)

"and today on friendships that just seem really nice: that one sporty dude whose hair is better than mine- Lonk, I think, right? And Zeeta! ... Link and Zelda, apparently. Torenn is making faces at me- oh there he goes again. Uh. Link and Zelda, if you're listening- which I bet a dollar y'ain't- sorry about the lonk and zeeta thing."

She sings, and also sews! If she ever managed to meet Link and Zelda she'd make them matching flannel frog plushes with each others' eye and hair colors included in the color schemes.

Further concepts:

Torenn and Kyta are childhood friends

To this day they say they faked papers and parental permission and got married at 14 as a joke. Everyone is still stunned they pulled it off

They did not. They both refuse to let anyone find out it's a hoax though.

They are really dating! A year so far and going strong.

Shisi is the only one who knows the truth about the whole shebang. She finds it pretty dang amusing, for the sole reason that Kyta and Torenn do too.

Shisi and Kyta share a love of sewing. Shisi taught Kyta to quilt and use a sewing machine and Kyta taught her to make plushes. After hearing the rumors about Zelda they would probably get her favorite colors from Impa and make her a nice quilt with fleece backing to cheer her up.

Shisi plays guitar, harp, and ocarina (>:])

Torenn can draw really well

They call their listeners their study buddies and go out of their way to occasionally throw in ridiculous songs for people to get up and stretch and dance to

Alright my bad night last night has caught up im out of ideas

i did make a playlist for these idiots' radio station tho

[emma-is-swaggy-and-epic]

Expanding on my MLP next gen AU "shipping is magic" except i let too many ideas marinate in my head at once and now my wrist hurts from drawing so much :)

BASES USED:

X / X / X / X / X / X / X / X / X / X / X / X / X / X / X / X

I would say "ships and lore under the cut" but tumblr ALWAYS likes to fuck up my post layout whenever i post SPECIFICALLY MLP base art for some reason soooo.......idk

As some of you may know: i included fluttershy x tree hugger into my next gen but recently i've decided that in this AU: fluttershy is actually now in a polycule with tree hugger and quarter hearts (that one background pony that looks like link from the legend of zelda) because i saw it be included in one of dragonairlover (or SodaSurfer97, depending on where you follow it)'s old youtube videos back when it did next gen requests for people as part of someone's next gen and i really liked that idea so i included the ship in mine, the mostly-yellow pony with the triforce necklace is named canary crescent (he/him) and he's the son of all three (biologically, i mean) while the blue-haired pony next to him is named navi (she/her) and she's just flutter and quarter's kid. Obviously, navi is based on navi the fairy from the actual zelda games though i wanna say that she's got some inspiration from the blue fairy from pinocchio as well

The next five are gonna take a while to explain....so y'know how i had two lunacord kids already? Well....i decided to expand it into 7 and base them all on the 7 deadly sins because i thought it'd be cool (the ones i already made represent pride and sloth now), the pink one represents lust and is named "after dark" (she/her), the red one represents wrath and is named "wild side" (which TOTALLY isn't because i had the beastars opening theme which coincidentally is also titled "wild side" stuck in my head while drawing, what are you even TALKING about!??!?....anyway, she/her) The purple one represents greed and is named "hypebeast bling" (god, remember when hypebeasts were a thing? He/him) the brown one represents gluttony and is named "midnight snack" (they/he) and lastly the blue one represents envy and is named cendrillon (who TOTALLY isn't named after the vocaloid song AT ALLLL!!!!!! She/her) cendrillon wants to be like her older siblings, thus why she's envy

These next ones: well....idk how many people know of this nowadays, but when the episode "baby cakes" first came out, people theorized that rarity ALSO had a baby in that episode alongside mrs cake because in the opening scene: she was seen looking at a baby with a VERY similar color palette to her. I actually really like that theory so i decided to incorporate that into my next gen, with rarity having a kid with stony pony before eventually getting with braeburn and having rosemary and having to give the kid up for adoption because she couldn't take care of her (and also because stony's a fucking deadbeat lmao) ......so yeah, i named her heloise (she/her) and she's very spiritual and cool......probably has an AWESOME crystal collection. The blue pony next to her is named "birthday cake" and she's pound and pumpkin cake's younger sister. Lastly there's prince corium, chrysalis and tirek's 14-year-old son. I imagine that he's not really evil in the same way his parents are, but he's moreso an edgy fuck who thinks saying slurs and making fun of furries is peak comedy....also he has some SERIOUS beef with pastel dream (my flashlight kid from another post)

Moving onto equestria girls, i didn't want it to JUST be the next gen from the pony universe but just in the EG universe so i decided to be a little creative. So for EG's mane 5 we have rarity and applejack's identical twin daughters praline punch (who's a graphiti artist and is into amekaji) and frou-frou (who's super ditzy and into hime gyaru), fluttershy and bulk biceps' daughter sunny sunflower, sci-twi and sunset shimmer's daughter pasadena (who has a crush on sunny and TOTALLY isn't named after pasadena from crash bandicoot I SWEAR!!!!) And flash sentry and timber spruce's daughter happy camper (who is a trans girl, but is still a lil early into her transition and she's into cryptozoology)

[wyrmoftheweb]

ok hi, doing this thing. i need money so i can make drs appointments and get treatment for my epilepsy, which has gotten significantly worse lately. my seizures have progressed enough that i need to get some kind of treatment for them again. they're starting to affect my life more than just not being able to drive. i'm experiencing near-constant brain fog, and seizures that are more severe and actually have me on the ground when they occur. i'm worried about walking down stairs and stuff. i really need to be medicated or get some kind of treatment.

i need to get referred to an adult neurologist (last time I went to the doc for this, I was 14 or 15 I think), go there, ostensibly redo testing stuff, and figure out a medication that works. luckily, i have insurance (i'm still on my parents), but i need money for copays for all that stuff until I can get a job. i'm currently looking for jobs, and it's hard for me to find one because i can't drive and my city is shit for public transportation. the copay for my initial drs appt to get the referral will be $20, and after i have that, i can make my first appt, but i plan on keeping this post up so i can also get money for tests and future meds.

my cashapp and venmo are both CHW02, and my paypal @ is warn3r. here's my paypalme link, please ignore my deadname. i have furry and mlp commissions open as well (prices and art examples are under the cut). i would really appreciate any help I can get here, including rbs.

you can get a colored fullbody or 2-frame pixel for $10 or a monochrome full with screentones like the top middle for $5.

[itsyagurlchip]

today i'm gonna post all of my recent works- I hope you guys love it! because you all deserve it.

im not gonna say i did my best on all of these, but this is the most ive made in a little over a month. (I started this around feb 27th) and im super proud of myself!

ive had this funk around my mind for a LONG time, until the people around me started to push me out of it.

and that includes you guys as well! Im so glad to have met you all, happy 80+ followers!!!

the posts after these are gonna be queued, around 3-5pm CT, and they are filled with my preferences on headcannons and oneshots, just so you can get to know me a little better.

in them you'll find some fictional characters i'd really love to be in a relationship with, loose drafts, some inclusive things ive never written before, and overall diversity compared to the things i've written before. some may have a sprinkle of my personality, others with a handful of my culture. it doesnt matter! read to your heart's content.

if the reader doesnt relate to you at all- oh well. not trying to be mean or anything- but these are my preferences. These are things that I want to see. if you want something more, please request it.

and yes I do understand the difference between cannon and head cannon (I think about it all the time!) so therefore, some things may not make sense. unless there's context ig.

speaking of- i need more reqs TT-TT (sorry for asking, ive just been getting a lil drought recently)

back to it- you may also see the occasional digital art, depending on what's gonna happen. (im currently writing this on march 1st) and i'll finish it off with some new playlists ive been brewing up for a minute!

i may also need someone to remind me to add the links to the masterlist, as well as VGL💜. If someone could do that I will be eternally grateful

and thats it!

a few things I recommend while reading:

1) I know this sounds super specific, but my works were made with canary, but they all look better in goth rave (you can change the colors when you press dashboard on the pull out menu) 2) have an open mind! while I don't know much, or haven't researched, let me know if some of the things I describe are inaccurate. (this also includes grammar and typos!) 3) have a lil snakie snack. those who don't drink water aren't welcome past this point 😡✋🏾✋🏾

i just want to show you my appreciation for you all, and what better way to do it than doing what i started this blog for?

have a wonderful day my twizzies

(yes that is what im calling you all now, cope.)

(๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و tags: @kittykittyanon @radicallxser @oleander-nin @towomatos @thealphagirl @ziipzeepzop-eez @amorvincitomnia-14 @spongejuice. if you would like to be added, check my blog.

[rainbowfic]

You can:

use either or both prompts as given

use either or both lists for prompts

use the name of either or both lists as a prompts

complete as many or few days as you want

write, draw, craft, or anything else!

There's no deadline and this is just for fun. I'll reblog this with links to the lists if you want to explore.

What's RainbowFic? We're a community of original fic writers on Dreamwidth using prompt lists named after colors (for a very VERY loose definition of color). Our lists range include song lyrics, quotes from books and tv, themed words, contrasts, and a whole lot more (we have over 400!)

Text version of the list under a readmore

Text version:

Day 1: Royal Purple #11 Further beyond / Iceberg #12 Snowman

Day 2: Lilac #25 Freesia / Opera Mauve #20 Curtain call

Day 3: Lavender's Blue #2 Mermaid / Periwinkle #14 Enamel heart pendant from a garage sale

Day 4: Caramel #8 Gummies / Vert #16 As the lord/lady asks

Day 5: Midnight #6 Furtive / Psychedelic Purple #15 I know I'll never be the same

Day 6: Lotus #19 Truthfulness / Ignition Yellow #10 There are some nights I wait for someone to save us

Day 7: Green Go #21 Rideshare / Gold #12 The only way not to think about money is to have a great deal of it

Day 8: City Street #4 Highway / Greenstick Fracture #9 I got the velocity and now all I need is the mass

Day 9: Paprika #8 We've got something kinda funny going on / Harvard Crimson #14 Library

Day 10: Danish Red #2 The Snow Queen / Amaranth #5 Stars

Day 11: Pull Me Over Red #1 Parking ticket / Daffodil #5 Flowers

Day 12: Fluorescent Pink #19 It doesn't matter who they are, I won't forgive anyone who tries to stand out more than me / Parrot Green #13 Call

Day 13: Crane White #18 Tell your daughters do not walk the streets alone tonight / Spirits of Saturn #15 Overgrowth

Day 14: Cherry #12 Grapes / Skylight #4 Smoking on the fire escape

Day 15: Calcite #4 Soft/Hard / Burgundy #2 Varietal

Day 16: Yellow Submarine #17 The long and winding road that leads to your door will never disappear / White Opal #2 Dream

Day 17: Tigers Eye #8 Eerie empty spaces / Moonlight #1 Liminal

Day 18: Baby Blue #4 Sling / Red Dress #5 You need to find a new solution, adaptation or retribution

Day 19: Gunmetal #14 Crossbow / English Violet #3 Since I cannot prove a lover, to entertain these fair well-spoken days, I am determined to prove a villain

Day 20: Heirloom Silver #2 Heirloom / Brown #5 Brown bagging

Day 21: Coomassie Blue #1 Repressor / Folly #14 Relax, I saw it on TV

Day 22: Fuzzy Wuzzy #3 Hugs /Alien Green #6 This is where you pucker up and kiss my ass

Day 23: Fawn #4 Cat / Grand Ink #20 With a mug of hot tea and some Vicodin in my bloodstream, I look up from my book to watch the bugs outside the windows

Day 24: Royal Blue #2 Queen / Spirit Purple #19 Screw the binary gender system

[coconox]

what if,,,, hypothetically speaking,, i do a frame by frame analysis of the nocti v nigel cg,,, ahahaahaaaa,,,,,,

I AM GONNA PUT THIS HERE NOW THERE ARE SPOILERS FOR SANDS OF WRATH AND, OBVIOUSLY, SPOILERS FOR THE CG

i do recommend watching the cg first before reading all this since i will mention a lot about nocti and nigel's movements using timestamps for the vid since my storage hates me and i can't really properly add multiple clips 💔

!! LINK TO CG ANIMATION HERE !!

I WILL ALSO BE USING MTL FOR ALL THE DIALOGUE SO I'M VERY SORRY IN ADVANCED IF THE DIALOGUE IS INCORRECT TO WHAT IT ACTUALLY IS

from the get-go i will mention that before nocti entered this fight, skk had a m.i.n.d link with nocti. and since skk is poisoned, nocti is gonna feel the same over the time

aside from him coughing up vital fluid at 0:39, you can really see the poison start getting to him when he fights. starting from 0:14 you see nocti's movements getting slower and slower which becomes more obvious when you see him throw less punches/kicks and his reaction time worsening, allowing nigel to easily counterattack

callback to his last fight with nigel shown at the beginning of the chapter

ER05-01

i would also love to point out how nigel is such a good foil for nocti. from the opposing color schemes to their behavior. nigel having a black color scheme to fit with the whole idea that he is an assassin hiding in the shadows (which is an often recurrence of him throughout the story by either him watching nocti in the distance or showing up unexpectedly). black can also be associated with power and death, connecting to the fact that nigel carries such a strong poison to where there's no known cure, which allows nigel to easily control others to his bidding and/or make them suffer. as opposed to nocti having a white/vibrant red color scheme to fit how bold or loud he is. red can be associated with anger and white can be associated with purity/innocence so it fits with his personality too (since nocti is often left in the dark of a lot of situations back when he was in the purifying force)

ER05-08

around 0:46 - 0:57, 1:05, 1:18 - 1:33

essentially any part where nocti is heavily breathing

ER05-01 structure that this narrator is mentioning is nocti

this is probably leaning more into hc territory, but i think out of all the playable constructs we've met, nocti feels the most "human." he eats, drinks, sleeps, has breathing patterns that the narrator loves to point out, basically does a lot of human practices that constructs don't need to necessarily do, but he does it out of habit. he even believed at one point that constructs can get sick (obv they can't)

dialogue at 0:27

nigel: "you are still the same as before" nigel: "everything covered by anger" nocti: "nigel!!!!!" nigel: "you always thought my poison could only be attached to weapons, right?" nigel: "never doubted what i said"

callbacks to the last fight nocti had with nigel. when nocti was at his lowest, that's when nigel finally spoke. nigel alludes to nocti's naivety again, making nocti finally realize the poison wasn't contained in a separate attachment/weapon, rather nigel is the poison itself

ER05-12 nocti telling skk where the poison might be (remember at this time he still didn't know how nigel injects the poison, he just knows nigel has the ability to do so)

ER05-08 nigel pointing out nocti's naivety

the realization of where the poison's actually located, after the dialogue at 0:27

the location of the poison is more obvious in the reference sheet of nigel (since the ref removes the cloak he's wearing) (link to tweet about nigel that includes this ref)

callback to when nocti and skk first began to plan how to track down nigel after the rediscovery of nigel's poison

ER05-12

callback to him saying "leave everything to me" shown in the previous image.

the light in nocti's hands in the animation is skk (figuratively, not literally ofc LOL), having faith in him that he WILL beat nigel and will give him their all to help. though honestly, all he ever really needed was someone to trust him unconditionally

2:15 - end

"give that bastard a taste of our true wrath"

"partner"

the peak embracement of nocti and skk's partnership. this was the missing piece that he needed to finally beat nigel.

ever since the beginning of this chapter nocti has implicity or explicitly stated (whether it be through his first encounters with skk or in flashbacks of his hubris being in the purifying force/early days of cerberus) he prefers to work alone and leave it at that. he thought it'd benefit everyone if he didn't rope people into his mess, and he fully believed finding and confronting nigel again is something only he should burden

ER05-06 nocti and skk took turns asking for context of what's been going on

skk, cerberus, and the people of new oakley however say otherwise.

skk, in their words, "took a gamble" and just had a gut feeling to stick around and help him and even be down to consider him as a partner

ER05-05

ER05-06

it should probably be noted that skk saying they believe him "just because" carries a lot more weight than at first glance. having someone believe him without him really needing to prove himself with evidence makes nocti appreciate skk a lot more than when he first encountered them in EX05 or at the beginning of this chapter, showing that skk isn't like everyone else he's met and perhaps has a chance to be friends or more with them

ER05-11 first instance of nocti calling them partner

ER05-11 nocti "subtly" correcting vann with referring to skk as his partner

these screenshots can keep going on and on but you get the idea LOL they call each other partners from ER05-11 onwards.

21 and vera believe cerberus isn't complete without him

ER05-15 despite nocti technically being considered as a part of the purifying force at this time, vera and 21 will always believe he truly belongs in cerberus

and the people of new oakley see him as a brother/friend they could rely on and share a drink with

ER05-09 after nocti saves new oakley he gains a lot of respect from the people in town and they all decided to celebrate nocti's win

for most of his life he was practically feared or looked down upon by the people he was with 'cause of his loud and reckless demeanor, and to finally have that revelation that he IS wanted, needed, LOVED even, that people are able to put their trust and faith in him, that allows him to be the best version of himself he could ever ask for

am i looking too deep into this? probably

there's probably a lot of bias from that whole analysis i just love nocti ok—

i do wish we can see more of his backstory. he's one of the few that actively hide it (with the addition of vera not revealing it out of some respect for him), and i just wanna do a deep dive of how he became the way he is today. he's also one of the older constructs given his frame id (BPO-03), makes me wonder how or why he became a construct in the first place-

anyways, that's my rant for the month, ty for reading if you made it this far lol

have some love and a cookie you deserve it ❤🍪

[reggies-eyeliner]

𝐌𝐔𝐋𝐓𝐈𝐅𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐎𝐌 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐔𝐏𝐒 (CLOSED)!

OPEN 7/14-7/30!!

-> matchups + moodboards + playlists + headcanons! please read all of the rules listed below and pop into my ask box! if you need an idea on what my past matchups look like please check out these links! :DD

THIS IS LIKE A BUFFET. PICK AND CHOOSE WHAT YOU WANT BABES MWAHAHAHA

FANDOMS (up to two*):

across the spider-verse*

most animated movies (httyd, bh6, rotg^^)

lockwood & co*

stranger things

avatar: the last airbender

the legend of korra

rottmnt**

voltron: legendary defenders

* i've only watched the series so far + i'm about to start the comics/books (and very excited to omg) !! just an fyi that my pairings will most likely revolve more around the characters featured in the series IM SORRY I SWEAR I'LL GET TO THE BOOKS/COMICS ASAP

**exclusively platonic matchups preferred/qpr!

* if you are requesting two fandoms, please tell me which one to prioritize more! the first one will be the full-length, but the second will be around a half of the content in the prioritized fandom.

TYPES OF MATCHUPS:

the classic: submit in matchup information + get paired with (a) romantic partner(s)! in return for the matchup information, you will receive: a 1x3 moodboard, one song + a hefty list of headcanons + a mix-and-match randomized trope explanation! (ex: a blurb about sharing a bed, first time meeting, fake dating confession scene ; ~100 words!)

the platonic machup: platonic matchups (my personal fave MWAHAHA)! you'll get paired with as many characters as you'd like<3!! in return for matchup information, you will receive: a 1x3 moodboard, one song + a hefty list of headcanons + incorrect quotes describing your dynamic between you and your found family/best bro<3

customized schedule: submit what your schedule looks like throughout any day of the week (up to two) + matchup information (platonic or romantic), you will receive: an hourly schedule on what life is like with said character i match you with + the aspects of your life with them! (ex: 8am, wake up by their side + they make you coffee blah blah blah), + a song for each moment of the day to describe your dynamic :D

MATCHUP INFORMATION:

name + preferred gender(s) to be paired with + preferred age group(s)

preferred fandom (up to two are okay, but please let me know which one you'd like me to focus on more!)

platonic and/or romantic + polycule preference etc + preferred age group!!

you can include your sexuality if you'd like to (only if you want me to touch on the aspect on how your matchup will support you because. yeah<3)

giving + receiving love languages

hobbies, talents, things that make you you (think: if this wasn't in my life, how different would i be?)

mbti/zodiac (optional)

personality, how you handle difficult situations

what consist of a good memory for you

favorite songs + music taste/colors/any kind of aesthetics!!

anything that brings you comfort/anything that doesn't give you comfort (can be about a relationship or just in life :-D)

OTHER RULES?

preferably off anon! i'd love to talk to you more after the matchup submission as well MWAHHAHA<333 if you're planning on being anon, an emoji anon would be p cool so we can chat more!

as i'm also a busy student, i will prioritize school-- if you submit a matchup, please be prepared to have up to anywhere from a 1-14 day wait! i'll send you a message that i got your ask hehe

i will also be mostly inactive writing-wise from 7/18-7/23 as i will be on a trip, so please keep that in mind!

you should totally use a pick up line in my ask box i enjoy pick up lines so much. or one of those "less than one minute" videos on youtube those are the best man

please know that i absolutely love writing and talking to people, but i also have my own limits to what i can/cannot do for people! if you send nsfw content, pedophilia, violence, gore, heavy vents, all that not-so-great-stuff or an ask comes off as rude or demanding, i have all rights to avoid doing it and dismiss it without any warning. ASJCHS JUST be a decent human being in short that's all i'm asking RAHHH

OTHER THAN THAT MAN write as much/little as you'd like!!

#send a request here! :D

[beeboshmeebo]

!!! WELCOME HOME SPOILERS !!!

The Welcome Home site just opened up again, me and my friends have been tearing it apart. I'm sure people have already found most of what we have, but I'm going to document it anyway.

!! Here's a second warning for if you want to look through the site yourself, which I highly recommend if you haven't already !!

Still here? Ok then, let's do this!!

All the hidden sites will be linked, but there will also be instructions on where to find them if you wish to look for them yourself! If you don't want to read this long ass post, I've made a list of all the hidden sites at the bottom of the post.

New Content

Starting off on the home page, something new is already visible. After waiting a few seconds, a little doodle of Home will begin to be drawn. These doodles appear throughout the site, I'll have a list of all of the ones me and my friends have found at the end and where to find them, along with the links if you're too lazy to look for them yourself.

These doodles all send you to pages with audio recordings, and a floating disk. All of the disks seem to be of Wally talking. Other then the obvious "well duh, you can hear his voice!", You can also tell from the color. On the neighborhood page, when you click look at the descriptions of all the neighbors, they all have voice recordings now, next to them is a disk. Each disk has it's own color, depending on the character. Wally's disk is red, just like all the disks in these hidden recordings. Albeit they're more of a... dark red... but oh well!!

Also would like to point out something my friend noticed, if you look closely at the center of these disks, you you can see an eye! I think that's pretty cool.

Another cool new detail that might be a little hard to notice if you have a small screen, it's the fact that there's 2 eyes on each side of the site, beyond the border! If you can't see them normally, try zooming out to see them!

Moving onto the "Welcome Home" tab, you will also notice that, in addition to the doodles, there's also little bugs everywhere! The difference between the two is that, rather then taking you to an audio recording, the bugs send you to sites all called "answer", with all of them having a video attached. I will also have a list of all the bugs in order at the end of the post.

Something unique about the URLs of the bug pages is that they all end in "(number)-14-(initials of characters in video)", which leads me to believe that there's 14, me and my friends have found all 14.

~

Before continuing, I just want to say how grateful I am to Clown for add transcripts to ALL of these recordings, including the hidden messages (if you highlight beneath them, text of what is being said should appear.), I personally have a hard time following along with audios if there's no visuals or subtitles, so these transcripts are really helpful!!

~

Morse Code & Hidden Phrase

Carrying on, there is one disk in particular that I would like to point out, before the update, you could click on the little area beneath Home to find a hidden site called "so below", after the update, if you go to the site and wait a few seconds, a spiral underneath Wally will begin to appear. Clicking on it will take you to a site called "neighbor" with a very shaky disk. Playing the audio will get you nothing but noise from Home. It seems like a dead end, however, looking at the transcript of the disk, it reads "[There is no dialogue. Only the sounds of Home creaking, groaning, banging, or squeaking. …Morse code?]", implying that the noise Home is making is morse code. I can't understand morse code, but with the help of my friend @/gothonasunday on Instagram, he was able to decipher the words "help us" being said in this audio.

All of the disks having just a word seems to indicate that a sentence is to be made with them. My personal favorite version I've seen of this is by @/king.achilles on Tiktok, stating the phrase might be "You will understand soon neighbor. I will help you find a way. I will help you find a phone." (Tried to put the link for this video TWICE it just wont work I'm so sorry!!)

The Password

Something that interested me greatly is the password. If you go to the "Playfellow Exhibition" page, 3 (or 4 I suppose) paragraphs below the slideshow of images, clicking on the word "answer" on the third to last sentence will take you to a site with an image of frantic writing on a piece of paper talking about a password. Clicking it again will take you to an image of a safe. Clicking it once again will ask you for a password.

Now, on the piece of paper it says "CODE IS 5 CHARACTERS!! - WORKSHEET IS 5 QUESTIONS - KEY??" On the slideshow of images on the "Playfellow Exhibition" page, you can find a worksheet with 5 questions. The answers of these questions are characters. Taking the first letter of each of the characters names from the answers will give us the password. BSPJW.

Putting this in takes you to a "Staff Only" site. (I wont link it since you cant access it without the password anyway!) The site is full of writing and weird images. The page seems to be written by someone going insane, hearing a phone ringing. with the blacked out text repeating the sentence "Ring-ring. Ring. Hello? Can you hear me? Call back soon, please. Ring. Ring ring. Ring. Won't you please pick up?" Though I suspect that might not be the site maker writing that.

On one of the images in the slideshow on this page, it shows a notepad of doodles next to what seems to be a letter. unlike the other texts in the slideshow, there is no transcript. I don't know if this was on purpose, or a mistake. Either way I took a picture of the text, brightened it, and tried to make out what it read. This is what I got, with some help from my friend to decipher what I couldn't

"Hello.

My name doesn’t matter, I am here to catalogue something. I’m not sure is fully real. But it must be, I’m holding all the evidence in my hands. Pictures. Characters. Text. I can barely read. It’s called “Welcome Home” and it looks like it might’ve been a children’s [???]? Like I said I can’t tell.

It was sopping wet when I found it. When I first reached into one of the brightly colored envelopes, my hand was already covered in some gross [???] material. It feels like antiques are always covered in some kind of grime. I’m going to clean up what I have and do a little more digging.

There’s only one name I can make out [???] Wally. Probably important but, like I said, I’ll keep looking

XOXO"

Might not be 100% correct, but we tried our best to transcribe it!!

Some additional things I'd like to say

I think its interesting how all the videos of the bugs seem to be from Wally's perspective. It also seems that they could be happening all in one day, since some of them match up. I also find it interesting how the only hidden bug, #14, was the only one that featured Home. In that same video, Barnaby is recounting what happened to him in the other videos, mentioning things like Julie's joke from video #11, or Howdy's family from video #12. I'm not sure what that means, but I wanted to add it anyway.

List of all the disks and where to find them !!

(Note, there could be more, but me and my friends haven't found them!)

On the front page, next to Wally, a doodle of Home will appear, taking you to a page named "I"

At the end of the "Welcome Home" page, there's a doodle of a yellow flower that appears on the left of Eddie, clicking on it takes you to a page named "Help"

On the same page, but instead, to the right of Eddie, 2 doodles of a blue and red flower will appear, taking you to a page names "will"

On the "About Us" page, right below where it says "FAQ", you should see doodles of 3 hearts begin to appear, clicking on the blue heart will take you to a page named "a"

On the "Stickers" page, in the description, a doodle of a star will begin to be drawn. clicking it will take you to another page named "I"

On the "Guestbook" page, next to Barnaby and Wally, there should be a doodle of a speech bubble saying "HELLO", clicking it will take you to a page named "find"

At the very bottom of the "Playfellow Exhibition" page, next to Poppy, a doodle of Home will begin to be drawn, clicking it takes you to a page named "understand"

On the "Neighborhood" page, on Wally's introduction, waiting a second will cause a little drawing of a flower to appear, clicking it will take you to another page named "will"

Not a disk, but should be documented either way! Clicking on the red button on the phone on the "Merchandise" page, despite not having a play button, will take you to a page called "duet"

On the "Neighborhood", clicking the word "you" in the paragraph leads you to a character introduction for "You", below the writing, a little doodle will appear. Clicking it will take you to a page named "You"

On the "Neighborhood" page, clicking just below Home will take you to a page named "so below", after waiting a few seconds, a spiral will begin to be drawn, clicking on it will take you to a page named "Neighbor" (I wrote about this disk in the main post, if you missed it!!)

Typing "ywxoev" at the end of the URL will take you to a page with eyes flashing on an image of Home, with the words "open" written below. This is not new, however, waiting a little will cause a doodle of a phone to be drawn. Clicking it takes you to a page named "way"

Going to the wrong page will end up in an error message. You can get this by typing anything in the URL. Once on the error screen, 5 stars will be drawn. Clicking on them will take you to a page named "soon"

List of all the bugs and where to find them !!

(note, this list is in order according to the URL, not in the order I found them while looking.)

On the "Media" page, on the section labelled "Live Interview Audio Section", a little bug should appear near the bottom of that section. Clicking it takes you to a video featuring Poppy and Howdy (1)

On the "Playfellow Exhibition" page, at the top, near the edge, you can click on a bug. It's a little hard to see, but it's there! Clicking it takes you to a video featuring Sally and Poppy (2)

On the fourth page of the guestbook, if you wait a little, a snail should appear next to the title. Clicking it takes you to a video featuring Howdy and Sally (3)

On the "Welcome Home" page, next to the collection of images appear a bug, clicking on it takes you to a video featuring Barnaby and Frank (4)

On the "Transcripts" page, which can be accessed by clicking underneath most audio recordings, on the "Catchphrases" section, next to Eddie's, a butterfly should appear. Clicking it will take you to a video featuring Barnaby and Eddie (5)

On the "Merchandise" page, on the "Currently Unknown Records" page, waiting a few seconds will cause a butterfly to appear and perch itself on the "C". Clicking it will take you to a video featuring Julie and Frank (6)

On the first page of the guestbook, near the bottom, on a message sent by "zip". a little worm should appear. Clicking it sends you to a video featuring Eddie and Julie (7)

On Eddie's introduction page, after waiting a few seconds, a bug hiding behind the flag of the post office will appear. Clicking on it will take you to a video featuring Eddie and Frank (8)

At the bottom of the "Neighborhood" page, next to all the links to the other pages, after waiting a few seconds a bug will appear. Clicking on it will take you to a video featuring Frank and Poppy (9)

On the "About Us" page, at the very bottom right, a little bug will appear. Clicking it will take you to a video featuring Julie and Sally (10)

At the top of the "Stickers" page you will see a spider, clicking on with will take you to a video featuring Julie and Barnaby (11)

At the top of the "News" page you will see a caterpillar on a leaf, clicking it will take you to a video featuring Howdy and Barnaby (12)

At the top of the "Guestbook" page (not the actual guestbook, just where you would normally submit messages), there should be a bug! Clicking it takes you to a video featuring Howdy and Eddie (13)

Typing "woxyve" at the end of the URL will take you to a site with pieces of a lost Welcome Home script. This is not new. However, there is now a cockroach on the page. Unlike the other bugs, this one is much more realistic, and not cutely drawn with silly pattens and colors. Clicking it will take you to a video featuring Barnaby and Home (14)

Thank you so much for reading!! I am not a theorist, I SUCK at making theories, so I hope this "guide" of all the hidden things me and my friends were able to find on our own can help out!!

Sorry if this is written a little weird, This is my first Tumblr post!! Still, Hope you all enjoyed! I might add more if we end up finding anything else!!

[coralhoneyrose]

Alrighty, ask meme! I'll have 4, 7, 14, and 38, if you please!

Ahhh, thank you so much for the ask! :D

4. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?

Not a *whole* lot, honestly! The only idea I am truly ‘nurturing’ (as in actively helping it to grow) is Half Orange. If you broaden that to also include stuff I have taken the time to make some sort of slapdash outline for, then there are four others. One I don’t think I’ve talked about on here before is a humorous, family fluff one-shot from the POV of Morgan when he is in his late teens and struggling to come to terms with how cringe and mushy and embarrassing his parents are about their love for each other once Robin returns post-sacrifice LOL

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

A memory strikes him suddenly, illuminated as if by a stray sunbeam, of huddling midst the shelves with his sisters, Emmeryn reading him and Lissa some old Ylissean fairytale while a storm pounded down overhead and lightning flashes made a glowing tapestry of the colored glass.

He doubts that they were in this particular row of books back then, but the view is the same. Today, tiny dust particles swim in the late spring sunshine, but he can still hear how the thunder made the window shiver; Emmeryn’s bell-clear voice, serene and unafraid. Sometimes he wonders if grieving a person in the same space you lived with them isn’t more of a cruelty than a comfort…but he can’t imagine choosing to give it up either.

There’s this literary technique I have noticed some of my favorite writers use on occasion where a character’s wandering / idle thoughts while looking at something in the environment wind up being a means for insight into their characterization or mental state. I think it can be tricky to execute in a way that doesn’t feel disruptive, but I was reasonably happy with my attempt here. I also think grieving is a really complicated emotion, and it’s one I struggle a lot with capturing all the facets of while writing, but this was a rare instance where I felt like the words got across the feeling I wanted them to.

14. What’s the worst writing advice you’ve ever come across?

If we are excluding the infamous old tumblr posts that convinced all of us you are never supposed to use the word ‘said’ and that you should invent as many epithets as possible to refer to characters, I would probably say “don’t use adverbs”. Obviously it’s very possible to overdo it, and I will admit my writing has a tendency towards clutter and that adverbs probably contribute. But some people really act like adverbs are the devil, and the idea that an entire part of speech has next to no place in writing is kind of absurd to me. I have also read books where clever and intentional use of adverbs was extremely effective in contributing to humor or tone setting and if those authors had followed that advice, I would have enjoyed their books a lot less.

38. Talk about a review that made your day.

Oh man, very hard to choose just one when this is true of like…virtually every review I have ever been lucky enough to receive. One specific one that comes to mind, though, was a comment on the accidental engagement fic where the commenter compared Chrom to one of those tropical birds doing a mating dance, and Robin just Not Getting It despite his best efforts. It was such a hilarious and strikingly accurate description of their dynamic in that fic and I got such a kick out of it. I subsequently mentioned the comment to Bustle, and she wound up linking this video, and for the rest of the day, I would just periodically start smiling really big or burst out laughing every time I thought about Chrom and Robin as these two birds. The narration absolutely kills me too.

[dni-archive-official]

Sincerely, what is the point of this? A lot of these are going to be super recognizable anyway and still supports people being weird about just screenshotting other people (Usually teens to be honest) as content. Not everything needs to be archived, especially when minors can grow out of stuff and opinions/beliefs change over time. Kids don't need archives haunting them forever.

the point is that DNIs are a unique look into the internet culture as a whole. i, the owner of this blog, find purity culture morbidly fascinating. people, both minors AND adults, have gotten increasingly comfortable with

sharing their boundaries. definitely a good thing!

being assholes to other people based on in/out-groups, specifically through the veil of anonymity

and i find it interesting to document the place where this is the most obvious, the DNI / BYF page.

dni-archive is an asshole. dni-archive knowingly uses their blog to bring attention to people they dont like. they do not remove derogatory comments.

i, hopefully, am not an asshole most of the time. i can be kind of rude, blunt, terse, and sarcastic, but i do not tolerate bullying of any kind. dni-archive bullies people.

there have been submissions sent to me which included commentary shaming the OOP of the dni for its contents. i delete any and all personal commentary which shows an obvious bias. generally if you want to submit something with commentary, keep it informative and clinical and keep your voice out of it.

look, anon, i get your concern. i have it too. thats why i run this blog the way i do, and its why ive stopped copying dni-archive's posts as i cant look through every single one of them and there are SO MANY and undoubtedly they dont hold themself to the same standards that i do. a few of the posts i did take had to be edited to take out personal information.

these arent entertainment. they arent memes or jokes (though some of them have jokes in them) or anything like that. i get the apprehension, seeing someone post a bunch of DNIs in the same place can make you think "oh god, theyre mocking people for their boundaries!" but no. anon, if you see anyone mocking any of these posts, TELL ME! show me specifically so i can snuff it out, i promise i will!

finally, i just have one last point. i do not archive identifying information as best as i can (and im willing to take corrections on that!). tell me. if someone sees a DNI on this blog that has no names, blog names, urls, links, how will they find the person who made that DNI? if someone recognizes it, then they already knew who made it. most DNI's are screenshots taken with the snipping tool because they cant be copy-pasted like images. how could you reverse image search a colorful screenshot of text? if the original OP came back as an adult and saw a DNI they made when they were, say, 14, they could either politely ask me to remove it (as anyone can, at any time), or just not tell anyone that it was them, and nobody would know. anon, this criticism seems unfounded to me.