#if you saw me post this for like .3 seconds 5 minutes ago no you didnt

[fawndues]

wtf oingo boingo listener ?!?

[mondaymelon]

first time in this account lol Idk if you're taking requests but I saw that post some minutes ago and... Idk, wanted to request something lol, if you didn't do it yet! What about headcanons with a reader who doesn't show physical attention until some years of knowing them? Like, they know each other for about 5 years and just then the reader decides to do some small act of physical affection... I wanted the headcanons to be with Childe, Arlecchino, Wanderer and Furina! If you can <3

₊˚ෆ 𝐈𝐅 𝐈𝐓'𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔… | childe, wanderer, arlecchino, furina x gn!reader

( childe's part might be a little ooc. havent done that part of the archon quest yet cries. also mwah arlecchino we love her in this household !! )

[ You were always someone who wasn’t fond of physical attention. Fleeting touches and kisses to the cheeks were never your forte, yet what should happen if the lover you’ve had for years is suddenly on the receiving end of such affections? ]

"physical affection... ah- it's okay if you can't show that to me, there's plenty of other ways to tell that you love me!"

CHILDE was the one to say those words to you, and the held the most certain truth. You were his lover, and a hug or two couldn't sway the fact! While the harbinger is quite the puppy and often yearns for your warmth, he'll respect your boundaries and allow you whatever. A lover like Childe places your happiness as a priority over his, wanting more to see your eyes sparkle than his own.

"Love, you wouldn't believe what happened in the courthouse today." You glance up from your spot where you're curled up on the couch, snuggled into a fluffy blanket and holding a warm drink in your hands, one of Inazuma's light novels sitting on the armrest. You hear the door to the two of you's home shut and lock, and listen to... Childe's footsteps. How strange, is he stumbling?

Glancing up, you internally gape at the cuts on his body, your eyes instantly drawn at the red splattered across his features. "'Taglia, what hap-"

He lets out a dry chuckle, grinning sheepishly as he rids his shoes at the door. "No worries, the blood isn't mine. Most of it, at least. I managed to get out of there in time, so all's well, yeah?"

As if that'd provide you any comfort. You narrow your eyes, glaring at him unyieldingly, until Childe has no choice but to force out another tasteless chuckle. "Come on now, I'm home, so let's do something fun instead of just being mad at me, 'kay?"

"Tartaglia."

The man flinches, his deep ocean eyes rounding. When you call him that and not his nickname, he knew that he had landed himself in deep shit. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry." He says that, but the sentence rounds up in a change of his tone, sounding almost suspiciously like a question. "It won't happen aga-"

The world itself seems to stop.

Your head is buried into his chest, arms wrapped around his waist. Archons, can you hear how fast his heart is beating? You've made him into a complete and utter mess. He's blushing, his ears practically on fire, and any thoughts once in his brain have been seared away in single second. It takes him to the count of three to remember how to breathe once more, his chest erratically heaving up and down as his shaking arms wrap around you hesitantly, wondering if it'd be okay to do so.

"...Love?"

"Mhm?"

"I- I thought you-"

"If it's with you, I'm okay."

Oh, how those words tug at his heart. You look so perfect in his arms - yes, you looked simply perfect all the time, he'd admit in a split-second. The messy nest of hair atop your head when you woke up in the early mornings, the dark bags under your eyes when you didn't sleep until late at night, your smile, your laugh, even your scowl. It silenced any effort to not fall in love with you.

A smile tugs at his lips. A bright one, a warm one, if that was even possible. Perhaps his eyes are shining with tears, or perhaps it was merely a trick of light, but he holds you all the closer, not wanting to let you go.

"Love, I... Archons, I don't think I'd be able to love anyone but you." ₊˚ෆ

"..great. i don't want your filthy hands on me anyways, so there shouldn't be a problem, hm?"

WANDERER's words were just that, would it kill him to be a little nicer? It didn't matter... you knew your lover well, or at least well enough to tell that what he said wasn't the complete truth.

Sure, you had seen him shrug off and make expressions of disgust directed towards particularly touchy people that he'd become somewhat acquainted with. And you most certainly had witnessed his frustrated outbursts and rants when he returned home to your shared abode, whining and grumbling about any trivial error someone had made - that is, brushing fingers with him while passing him papers. Something that couldn't exactly be avoided, yet he had glared at the wall for a good amount all the same.

Ah, but then there were moments when he thought you weren't looking, and that was when his eyes would drink you in. Grazing over your eyes, to your lips, then to your hands, where'd they linger on your fingers for perhaps longer than they should.

And you'd catch the times where you were inclined to say something flirtatious - words that were never all that flirtatious in the first place, Wanderer just happened to be unusually susceptible. Chin resting on your hand, eyes staring into his, you'd say something about how pretty he was, and then he'd just about go into neurogenic shock, likely not speaking to you the rest of the day, the tips of his ears, if one squinted to a certain extent, pink.

"Love." You glance up at him, a slight pout fixed on your lips. He'd been immersed in minor tasks, and those pesky things were what stole his attention away from you. An ironic twist of fate, as you were usually the one to be drowning in work, and he'd be the one practically begging for affection.

He hums, yet doesn't even bother to look at you.

"Do you want to go for a walk?"

"No."

"Go get something to eat?"

"No."

"Visit the... House of Daena?"

"No."

"Shall we feed the finches?"

A slight pause. "...No."

"Then... let's hold hands?"

He froze at your words, and it seemed that the male lost the function of inhaling, for he sat there unmoving for what seemed like hours, his expression petrified in its form of his large eyes, raised eyebrows, and mouth slightly ajar.

"...Excuse me?" It seemed that he doubted his own ears, for he set his work aside and fixed his focus upon you, fingers trembling just the slightest.

"Hmph, have you suddenly forgotten how to think?" You frowned, yet your eyes curved into crescents all the same, and Wanderer felt his breath hitch at how ethereal you were. The sly fox you were, you took his moment of shock, settling by his side and intertwining your fingers with his. "Like this, is it not?" You were smiling now, and for the first time you glimpsed the red on his ears, but now on his face too, a rosy red descending upon his cheeks.

"What's..." Perhaps you were right. His vocabulary had suddenly dwindled, and now he had nothing but questions - that, and the growing warmth in his chest. "What do you think you're doing right now?"

Whatever attempt he had to sound "mean" had failed. You knew him too well for that. "Holding hands, what else? Your hands are cold you know-" And at that he flinched. "But it feels nice."

D...Did it really?

"You, no... love, let's stay like this. You're... warm." ₊˚ෆ

"when you sought me, i thought it'd be a serious matter. there's no trouble in it, truly, so there's no need to look so dejected."

ARLECCHINO hadn't even batted an eye. Was there a reason to? Yes, this certainly crossed off any thought of romantic couple things like kissing and hand holding, but it wasn't like she'd gasp dramatically and fall to the ground, blaming you for setting boundaries-

As if she'd ever. Your imagination was running wild today, perhaps it was the lack of sleep finally catching up to you? It was a stark contrast compared to Arlecchino, who went days without rest, shuffling through paper after paper on her desk and constantly relaying messages to her subordinates. She was a hard worker - a trait most easily overlooked, but it was a point of adoration for you. A point among many. Arlecchino was an easy person to love, despite the bristling thorns she'd show at first glance.

"Darling, a cup of tea, please?" Her gaze flicked up from her work to you, a thin smile decorating her lips. It was more a less a habit the two of you established - that is, pouring her tea. Her favorite cup was the one you had gifted her when you first started your relationship, shaded in a dark hue and embellished with roses, their blooms, petals, and thorny branches spreading across the expanse of porcelain. You placed said cup on her desk with a breath of satisfaction, tilting you head in questioning at the unusual amount of papers on her desk.

"Arle, did something happen?"

She merely chuckled to herself, her eyes shining with delight. "Ah, why don't you wager a guess?" You were her "subordinate" of sorts, although your true association was far more intimate. You knew of her plans with Fontaine, and helped carry them out. She revered your loyalty, but your warmth far more.

"...Has the hydro gnosis been secured?"

She snapped her fingers in one swift motion, her small smile widening into a true one that played across her ruby lips. "Correct, I'd expect nothing less of someone as capable as my lover."

"Then, Lyney, Lynette, and Freminet..."

"They've done well." It'd be hard to forsake the note of pride in her voice. Setting down the sheets in her gloved hands, she stood from her seat slowly, letting her eyes scan over your body. "You've asked your question, now shall I ask mine? Darling, I did quite well myself, did I not?"

Her expectant gaze read one thing, but instead of the usual quality time spending the two of you'd share, this time, you had rather differing plans. Smiling, you walked up to her, not letting the way her eyes sparkled just the slightest escape your sight. Promptly, sneakily, you flung yourself upon her, beaming as your hands found refuge winding about her torso, nearly instantly trapping her into your death hug. "You did, Arle~!"

"..." At her silence, you glanced up, only to be met with a sight that drew blush upon your own cheeks. Her usually composed, mystery-shroud features were now conflicted with crossing emotions... of what, however, was rather indecipherable. Arlecchino was a person of many masks, yet now it seemed that her "mask" displayed but one thing - love.

"Darling, I... you look perfect in my arms, so shall we stay like this a moment longer?" ₊˚ෆ

"is that so? a trivial matter, is it by law that i must hold you in my arms in order to prove my love for you?"

FURINA's multicolored irises and teardrop pupils twinkled, their shine dancing on the moonlit breeze. A hand daintily held a teacup, its fragrant contents swirling about the porcelain basin. Her laugh accompanied the cool evening wind, and she fluttered her eyes shut in a smile that brightened her expression. "Come now, why so shocked? Wouldn't this be expected from someone as benevolent as I?"

It was a scene that would remain forever painted in your mind, like a beautiful mural that one's eyes could not possibly forsake. The way her mouth tugged upwards and the manner in which her eyes curv-

"Hey, are you even listening to me right now?" A familiar voice tugged you out of your reminiscence of the confrontation months prior. Furina displayed a childish frown on her lips, her partly furrowed eyes sharpening her gaze into a rather particular one.

Oh, lost in thought once more. You let out a soft sigh, nodding sheepishly. "Yes, love, I am.."

"Mhm..." Your words left a no, you clearly aren't!" Furina sat up, her intensifying discontentment apparent on her features. "I said I got you access to front ticket seats to the hottest new court case! You know, the one involving the robbery... the one that's quite literally got the entire Steambird in a chokehold? Yet, you're not excited in the slightest!?" She sounded offended, and she likely was, for her cheeks were flushed the slightest in rash frustration and her narrowed eyes creased at their corners. "Appreciate my efforts, why don't you?"

"Appreciate" indeed.

Ah, but was a sudden, tight embrace overshooting it? For she tensed in your arms, her frame absolutely suspended in your hold, her slack jaw giving the slightest tremor. "Mon amour, just w-what are you-?"

"Come now, Furina, am I not permitted to hug my own lover now?" The jesting in your voice faded as the sarcastic grin on your face formed a smaller, more genuine one. "I'm... ah, I'm okay, if it's with you. I'll be okay."

She paused at your words, contemplation of them flashing in her gaze, and let out a gratified exhale. "Then..." she nearly melted in your embrace, leaning her head into your arms compliantly.

"Don't you dare think I've forgotten about your previous transgression, but... ah, it can be forgiven, can't it, mon amour?" ₊˚ෆ

(a/n) hc hc hc hc furina calls youfrench petnames because french oui oui baguette.. AHEM my sincerest apologies to any french or french speakers...

REBLOGS APPRECIATED!! please consider following me as i amm soosososoo close to a follower goal ive been wanting to reach and itd be crazy if i could reach it before christmas!!!

໒꒱ || ᴛᴀɢʟɪꜱᴛ (open! send an ask or a comment ♡) : @manager-of-the-pudding-bank, @iamdedinside, @ilyuu, @achlysis, @swivy123, @scara-is-my-wife, @lupicalbestwolf, @justyoureader

-> teehee what if yall left a message on my christmas tree 😶😶😶

[mintaikk]

Shadowpeach Things I think about A Lot

Note: My knowledge of season 5 is very limited (only seen first 2 eps, and some spoilers). Do not say any spoilers in comments or reblogs. If you want to avoid spoilers completely, I suggest you don't read this

-Peng said it themselves. "Could Wukong do anything that could break his hold over you?" or something like that. But Macaque's entire world was Wukong

-Macaque's dream was spending a peaceful forever with Wukong

-"You were a villain like 5 minutes ago!" Nothing there, but this was when they were having that screaming match and I burst out laughing when I realized that's what Wukong said. He was tho. From s4 to s5, bro went from trying to kill him to living on his mountain again

-Oh, that. "This room(?) has been my home just as long as yours." That's true, but my guy, don't you have like a dojo or smthn? Can't you just live there? Or do you just secretly miss Wukong and want to live on FFM to be closer with him?

-AND WUKONG DOESNT FIGHT BACK EITHER OR ANYTHING. He just sighs and accepts it

-OH YEAH THAT. Macaque sleeps on the same GOD DAMN tree that he and Wukong used to sit at. There are so, so, so many trees on FFM, yet he chose that specific one

-Wukong wanted to spend the remainder of his life holding hands with Macaque

-Correct me if I'm wrong, but in old China, a man giving another man a peach was a sign that they felt romantic love for them. Wukong and Macaque's hole thing is peaches

-"Yeah, because you always eush to my rescue." Wukong believed that Macaque never saved him, but from what we seen in s5, he does. Maybe he always has and Wukong's just never noticed, or maybe Macaque took that to heart and is trying to make up for it

-THE GOD DAMN SLOMO SHOT WHEN WUKONG WAS GOING TO SAVE MK

-Macaque calling Wukong "cute" in the s4 special

-When we first see the ink demons of Wukong's past, one of them was Macaque chained up while struggling and crying. Whatever happened there, it still haunts Wukong

-"I don't trust anyone that isn't standing here right now." WUKONG STILL TRUSTS MACAQUE AFTER EVERYTHING, MACAQUE EVEN PERKS UP AT THAT. And right after this scene, Macaque sacrifices himself to save Wukong. I think Wukong saying that really stuck with him. Maybe that's why he was a lot more helpful this season; Wukong still trusted him, and he didn't want to lose that

-When Wukong was getting the circlet put on him for a second time, Macaque didn't even hesitate when he saw that Wukong was in pain and immediately sprung to help

-Ik it's been talked about before, but the fact that Macaque thinks Wukong killed (and that he was about to again in season 3 when he was literally choking him) him but he still helps him when he can and smiles softly at him and goes out of his way to see him and stares in awe when he sees him coming to help MK and still accepts his peach offer (symbolism for rekindling friendship) and smiles when Wukong says "we" instead of "I" and gets sad when he sees the memory and realizes he wants to rekindle their relationship and crashes a beach party just so he could be with him (Copy and pasted from old post

-This specific art piece that Alejandro Saab commissioned and used for autograph signings

-Macaque literally looking away and smiling in this shot bro looks like a schoolgirl with a crush 💀

-Wukong was shown to help Macaque tie his scarf when they were still friends and in the shots of their past, Macaque's scarf is always tied. But now that they're not friends, his scarf is never tied. I just find this detail neat

-As much as Macaque tried to kill Wukong between s1 and s3, the moment Wukong was genuinely mad at him, Macaque's first instinct was to run. Even when Wukong was holding him, he was still shaking Yes, he probably couldn't breathe bcuz choking, but these guys are immortal and with the whole thing underwater, I don't think they actually need to breathe. So this means that he was probably terrified the entire time, and thinking that Wukong would kill him again (I fucking hate doomed yaoi)

-Now that I think about it, the only time we see Macaque scared was with LBD, Sun Wukong attacking him, Sun Wukong getting attacked or being endanger, MK being endangered, Bai He being endangered, or actually having to deal with the idea of staying with Wukong to help him (s4, MK going on that whole "I gotta help my friends" speech while Mei is being consumed by the Samahdi fire). Most of those things are Wukong and Monkey fam related

-Alejandro Saab doing a cover of peaches. Istg, he KNEW what he was doing when he pulled that one

-Correct me if I'm wrong again, but apparently, some gay men in ancient China would become sworn brothers so they could be together legally. Other than Shadowpeach, I was never much a brotherhood shipper, but do what you will with this info

-ALEJANDRO SAAB BELIEVES THAT MACAQUE IS SHORTER THAN WUKONG! THE DEBATE IS OVER YALL

-"Forever is a long time, bud." "Me and you just living here get on fat on fruit forever!" Bro was definetly thinking of Macaque

[sgiandubh]

2023 or last week

That's not really matters', what is interesting is that Caitríona has a very high level of privacy in her movements or travels

She has a private life that is completely away from notice and attention, no press, no ordinary people, no fan who meets her by chance

Wow.. as if she had the invisibility power since 2019.

Dear Privacy Level Anon,

We're going to do things a bit differently, this time, with an audio answer. Nice to meet you, by the way:

For those who need a transcript, here goes:

'Your charade has very simple answers:

No Press? The Press would have to actually care or be sold a juicy tip/story, about that elusive B-lister who is such a compelling Claire Fraser (huh?) from Outlander ('wait a minute, that nice, secksay series around 2016, right?'). Press interest is, however, likely to immediately jump up, the minute she lands a better PR team and/or a part in a really relevant cinema project. Let's see what those two next movies bring, Anon.

No Ordinary People? Imagine you're Jane Doe (aka, an Ordinary Person), traveling from 🛫 London to 🛬Bangkok. Upon arrival at 🏯Suvarnabhumi Airport , while waiting in line for the notoriously looooong passport control (full profile pic included), you spot C (or S, or C and S, or C and S and Boos 1, 2, 3... 554). They vaguely remind you of someone. That someone could be anyone from a) your cousin Matilda's co-worker you have been briefly introduced to, three years ago; b) someone who looks like your homeland's host of 'Who Wants To Be a Millionaire' TV show (totally random example, here); c) someone who looks like that actress you once saw in that TV series which name you can't really remember. Ultimately, the fact that you are unable to put a name on that face really irritates you. Your feet hurt, you are sleepy, grumpy and you need to go to the bathroom ASAP (🚨🚨🚨🚨). Meanwhile, S and C kiss, Boo #456 is as unhappy as you and wants his blankie. Did I mention you need to use the 🚻 (somewhere far away from 🛃) ASAP? S and C 💋💋💋💋 some more. YOU NEED TO USE THAT TOILET AND YOU'RE STUCK IN THAT STUPID LINE. Boo #433 wants their mommy's attention NOW (🥹🍼🤦‍♀️), so you sympathize a bit ('what a cute 👶, just like his/her parents') but you are really focused on your 🧻problem. By the time you dragged your 🧳to the 🚕 area, in the thick, humid heat at Arrivals, you'd have forgotten everything about it, but remember every single second of your Passport Control Ordeal.

No Fan? Outside of these Tumblr/X/Instagram jihadist pockets, no casual 🪭 would probably ask for a pic, provided they remember the name of the series (it is really poor taste to go for it and candidly tell her/them something like ' oooh, I remember you from The Last Kingdom, such a wonderful series'). Out of those who still go for it, I bet the farm:

85% keep The Nice Pic tucked in their iPhones and just randomly share at the next school bake sale/corporate teambuilding/ Rotary Club meeting with random people saying random things like 'oooh, she's nice, wait a minute, wasn't she in The Last Kingdom'?

10% foolishly post on X or Instagram, to be immediately greeted by The Fandom Vigilantes, courtesy of alerts installed on their own iPhones: 'where was it/ when was it/was she alone/yes? why?/no? why and with whom/ what did she say/ did she say anything/ why didn't she say anything'. If, by a very probable misfortune, what you have to dish out does not click with the Greeting Committee's agenda, expect to be: a) treated like a 5 year old idiot or a tortured POW ('was she alone...? was she alone...? are you sure she wasn't alone...? ARE YOU SURE SHE WASN'T ALONE? ANSWER ME, WAS SHE ALONE?'); b) Caitsplained she is married to someone else and what you saw is an optical illusion; c) perhaps even forced to adjust your own narrative (maybe that 6′ 3" Viking was Tony McGill, after all? 😵). You immediately regret posting it on your public Social Media accounts, erase the pic and go private. By the time you do it (12 hours from posting), it would have been dutifully screencapped, in a middle of a full blown Fandom Skirmish.

5% know what Tumblr actually is (at a minimum) and/or are actively involved in its Fandom Subset. The minute they post is the start of just another Nagasaki episode. The DM inbox will explode with a rich array of pleas/insults/more Caitsplaining. Comments will range from the ecstatic to the revoltingly vulgar. And remember (LOL for weeks):

The Fandom will eventually never forgive you for sharing.'

[elliereject]

ifhy .2

* in which ellie’s obsession relationship with you begins to sour as your romance with your new boyfriend seems to flourish. it seems she’ll stop at nothing to ensure your happiness, (which you’ll find with her, obviously) even if it means hurting you in the process.

* lowkey obsessive ellie, ellie beats someone up, angst + comfort (next chapter(s), infidelity, unrequited feelings yet also mutual pining (just read it like, idk idk I forgot how to do these),lmk if I missed anything!

* HELLLLLOOOO!? oh my god 100 likes on part 1 and over 100 followers??? ty? so much?? <3 the next parts almost done so I gotta tweak some things but I hope you guys enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it! I meant to post this like 2 days ago but I fell asleep editing…

* mdni

* wc ~ smth like 1.8k

pt .1 here ★ pt .3 coming soon

“Are you seriously wearing that?” You sighed, flopping back on Ellie’s twin bed.

“What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” Ellie asked, eyeing her worn skinny jeans and a black oversized hoodie.

“First, there’s a hole in the side of your hood. Second, you wore that 3 times this week already.”

“No, I didn’t. These are different jeans!”

You groaned, “Ellie it’s a party, live a little.”

She let out a small laugh, “Says you, you were literally on the verge of throwing up like 5 minutes ago. Did whatshisname text you?”

She crossed her fingers in hope that he hadn’t.

You rolled your eyes, “You know his name, and he said he got there about 20 minutes ago and’ll meet me near the living room.”

“Cool, cool.” She said stiffly. “We should probably get going then.”

You jumped up from the bed, practically skipping over to the door. “Finally, you take a surprisingly long time to get ready.”

She didn’t. She was just trying to drag out the amount of time she had before she saw you clinging to your boyfriend and laughing at his stupid jokes.

She was still trying to find a way to show you that he was a dick and she was what you needed but all the ideas she had ended up with him dead and while she was considering it, you probably would have a hard time forgiving her.

The two of you trekked down to the elevator and while your back was turned she couldn’t help but imagine what it would feel like to slip her hand into yours. How would you react? Would you recoil? Or would you squeeze her palm? Ellie was never really a touchy person yet she made some exceptions when it came to you, however nothing as intimate as hand holding.

And something screamed at her, begging her to try. Her fingers itched by her leg and before she knew it she was stretching out her arm.

Close…so close she could feel the warmth radiating off you.

In a moment you whipped around and she didn’t have enough time to retract her hand.

“What are you doing?” You asked, tilting your head in a way that made her heart ache.

“You just had a uh– a piece of lint.” She lied easily as she picked nothing off your sleeve.

“Oh, thanks! Easier to get rid of then a hole, huh?” You let out a giggle and stuck your finger through said hole, she forced a laugh.

The rest of the ride down Ellie urged herself not to have any more daring thoughts.

Once down, you cracked jokes about your professor and weirdos in your classes, and Ellie tried her best to laugh along, all the way to the frat where the party was being held. Once you made it, you shoved past the sweaty bodies in the living room to look for your boyfriend whilst Ellie shrunk into the kitchen to confide chat with Jesse who was busy chugging a twisted lemonade.

“Jesse. I want you to thank God you aren’t a lesbian.” Ellie groaned, pulling the drink from his lips and taking a swig herself.

“Shit. What happened now?” He sighed, reaching past Ellie to grab another. Ellie’s been moping about you to Jesse for a while now, although he doesn’t really know it’s you because she doesn’t wanna fuck up the way her friends view your guys’ relationship.

“I was walking behind her earlier before we got into the elevat— classroom. And I was like 5 seconds away from grabbing her hand.”

“And why’s that a bad thing? I thought you liked her.” He asked in between sips.

“Because she has a fucking boyfriend! And that would’ve been so embarrassing I think I would’ve bit off my tongue and killed my self right there.”

Jesse let out a low whistle and Ellie crossed her arms. “Don’t you have any advice for me, or are you just gonna stand there?”

The man shrugged, “You’re not gonna like what I have to tell you. Have you tried talking to Joel about any of this?”

Ellie shook her head with a sigh, “He’s busy with work as is, I don’t wanna bother him with this shit when I barely even get to talk to him.”

“Well then, you should prob—hey! ★ what’s up?”

Their conversation was cut short as you walked into the crowded kitchen. With no luck in the living room, you decided to retreat there to talk with your friends while periodically checking your phone for any missed calls or texts.

Ellie noticed the worried look on your face. “Hey, hey. He’ll call. And if he doesn’t he’s a fucking idiot.”

She urged you to try and live in the moment and reassured you again that’d he’d call soon, even though she hoped and prayed he didn’t.

You gave her a small smile and muttered “I guess.” Before taking the red solo cup she offered you and downing it. Eventually, Dina joined your little trio and you temporarily forgot all about him since you were having so much fun chatting with your friends.

Ellie, still smiling, excused herself to the washroom after announcing she had to piss and thank god she did because the scene she stumbled upon literally made her laugh with joy. She had been looking for a reason to beat the fuck out of your boyfriend and did she find it.

After mistaking one of the bedrooms for the washroom—since every fucking door in that house looked the same—her eyes immediately landed on the familiar lanky figure who was shacking up with some tiny brunette bitch.

“No fucking way!” She guffawed, completely amused.

“Please, it’s not—“ Your boyfriend started, pulling his lips from the girl and straightening out his shirt.

“I’ve been looking for a reason to beat your sorry ass! This is just perfect.” She laughed manically as she stomped into the room, slamming the door behind her and cracking her knuckles.

The girl he was previously with was shaken to her core, and practically sprinted out of there. Before he could get out another word, Ellie’s fist was already crushing his face.

“You dick, God I knew you were an asshole but this is just—wow! Cheating on her when she is most definitely the best you could ever do?” Another punch and he was on the ground.

Blood was leaking from his nose and his lip was split. Suddenly she was on top of him, her fists flying. His glasses were broken and tears ran down his face pathetically.

She’d bottled up her emotions for so long; her love for you, her jealousy towards him, her anger at the entire situation, that it all muddled together and bursted the bottle, sending shards everywhere.

Ellie has always been an innately intense person, but this, pummelling something that deserved it, someone that she’d been fantasizing about beating the shit out of ever since she’d met them. It felt good.

“Pl-please stop.” He begged, and she halted her fists, but only for a moment.

She scoffed. “Stop? Stop. Man, I should rip your tongue out. Maybe that’ll finally shut you up.”

His eyes widened as he scanned her eyes for any sign of sympathy, of mercy, but all he found was icy green.

“You’re fucking crazy!” He shouted, trying and failing to shimmy her off him.

She shrugged, “Maybe.”

She was about to throw another fist but she heard frantic footsteps speeding toward the room.

“Shit..” She tapped the side of the guy’s face harshly as he was beginning to black out. “Listen, you’re going to get up. Hop out the window and take your ass home, if someone asks what happened say you got jumped. You’re not going to look at ★ again, text her, call, or even breathe near her. Transfer out of her classes and if I even get the idea that you’re thinking of contacting her again, I will find you. And I will rip your tongue out, got it?”

He nodded wildly and she finally got off of him. She watched as he scurried toward the window and hopped out, it was only a few feet, he’d live.

Ellie wiped her stained hands on the inside of her sweater and opened the door just as the brunette from before was about to, she was standing next to one of the frat guys.

“What’s going on?” Ellie said easily, putting a charming smile on her face and hiding her hands in her pocket.

“Where is he?” The brunette asked worriedly.

“Who? It’s just me in here.” Ellie said looking around confused.

The frat boy looked behind Ellie and them at the girl before sighing and turning back around, “Don’t bother me again. Just enjoy the party.”

“B-but—“ She immediately shut up when Ellie shot her a malicious glare.

She strolled out of the room and back toward the main floor to see you sulking on the couch, checking your phone.

“What happened?” She asked, sliding next to you and resting her arm behind you on the cushions.

“He still hasn’t answered.” You pouted.

And for the first time in months she shot you a genuine smile, despite the fact you were talking about him. “I wouldn’t worry about it, don’t think you’ll hear from him anytime soon.”

You smiled at her and she shot you a weird look, “What?” she asked.

“Nothing..you just seem a little happier than usual.” You said, leaning into her arm.

“Yeah, I guess I am.”

tagz ଳ (send me a message to be added!)

@bready101

[christinarowie332]

“parasite” chris sturniolo x reader

warnings: lots of swearing, gruesome imagery??idfk . suggestive ?

toxic situation ship between reader and chris ….

____________________

parasite .

your phone lights up for the seventeenth time in the last 5 minutes .

"just fuck off man" you whisper to nobody as your phone is flipped over with an exasperated sigh.

exactly 7 minutes ago you got an instagram tag from some random kids account . ignoring the name of the account your eyes flicker over the first few lines in the caption , you pick up on "chris sturniolo" and "girlfriend" along with "public kiss" . your eyebrows furrow and make a home over your now searching eyes and parted lips . your heart drops once again once you click on the actual post with shaking hands .

It's him . your chris . your chris with a girl who looks nothing like you , the exact opposite . She's beautiful . Her jawline is almost drawn in , a sharp angle which blends perfectly into his , as one of his hands holds the side of her waist the other placed on her throat . He's kissing her . your fucking chris . you leave absolutely no time to grieve . as fast as the tears pooled in your eyes you blinked them away . you tilted your head upwards and took a deep breath , exhaling a fast quick one, laughing in disbelief . you shook your head to yourself and straightened your back before sending the post to Chris himself .

"cute thing to find out over instagram chris" you added with the post .

realistically , he isnt your chris . yes you have been seeing each other for months , but you have never once said your together . he says "i'm just not ready baby" "cmon y/n , you know it's not like that , your the only one i want , i'm just not ready yet"

fucking dick

That takes us to now . you sit with your knees to your chest, your deep breaths forcing your breasts to be slightly squashed under the pressure as your lungs rise and fall . The blanket holding you is the only comfort you feel staring at the floor .Holding your vape weaving it between your fingers and flipping it around in your hand . you blink out of your trance at the sound of your phone vibrating next to you . you tightly close your eyes , feeling a slight vibration in your forehead at the hard tension . you open your eyes again and grab your phone which is displaying a call . "dickhead <3" .chris . I went to answer the call before hesitating for a second to take a deep breath .

"i dont wanna hear shit from you chris" you say before even getting phone to your ear

"y/n thats not me bro , i swear to god" he whines out slightly , desperation in his voice clear .

you let out a dry chuckle and roll your eyes , " fucking liar bro , I SAW THE FUCKING PHOTO CHRIS." you exhale a shaky breath and wait for his response .

your left with only silence , hearing him breathe and the distant faint bass in the background .

"not ready my fucking ass , seven months chris . seven months i have wasted , i can't believe you . seven fucking months i have waited for you . seven months i have spent falling in love with you , while you were fucking-" you cut your self off , realising you have absolutley no idea what he has been doing . your bottom lip quivers slightly before you purse them together , biting down hard enough to draw blood .

"im sorry" after a few seconds of silence he finally replies . his voice slightly gruff and hourse .

"fuck you" you say before ending the call and trowing in to the other side of the sofa . it slides under a pillow slightly .

the moment your phone isn't in view . the knot in your chest finally snaps , you feel your heart finally snap and the remaining hope for him go with it .Your chest shakes in the same motion as you sob . fingers that were harshly digging through layers of sweaty skin in your palm make their way to your hair , pulling so hard it could snap . The nausea comes back , turning your stomach like the seasons over a too familiar seven months .

it's only when you hear the front door open do you get up from your pit in the sofa curled up into yourself . you turn your body still sat, feeling confusion and fear in equal parts . your heart rapidly starts beating, enough to snap a rib . you try and take a breath as you stare at the door frame , expecting the worse , said breath gets caught as you hear soft steps approaching you , your eyes widen as you search around your now messy living room . searching for a weapon, or your phone , your eyes scan the room rapidly , grabbing a candle that was sitting on a coffee stained table .

"y/n?" you hear his voice before you see him . His hair is wet , along with his shoulders and upper arms , turning his light grey sweatshirt into a messily patterned sight . his eyes soften as he sees you . searching your expression . Then his eyes flicker to the candle raised in the air , furrowing his wet eyebrows , tilting his head in confusion before curling his lips into a shy smirk.

"a candle ? really?" he says, widening his smirk and taking a step towards you .

he stops in his tracks as you take a step back from him , lowering the candle and throwing it softly on the couch .

"i need you to hear me out , y/n i-"

"Why are u here" you say blankly . " i'm pretty sure i was clear that i was done with you"

his eyebrows twitch at your words , hurt and sadness very evident on his face . his shoulders relax and head tilts slightly .

"I told you it wasnt me . I meant it . I meant everything I said . everything i have done and said . I meant it ."

your eyes search for a lie in his eyes . you find none. What you do find is guilt .

"meant what chris ? what have I meant to you . a fuck buddy? a friend? a fan? please tell me because i dont fucking understand !" your voice which was once cautious and small slowly grows louder , stepping closer to him yelling . "please fucking tell me what it means . who the fuck am i to you !"

his face which was once soft and understanding turned and twisted into a gruesome one . His soft kind features turning sharp like his jawline , which flashes as he turns away from you .

The warm lighting in the room grows colder . The cold aching in your fingertips soothes the burning in your cheeks as you run your hands over your face in exhaustion . as your face is covered by your hands you miss as he swings his body towards you and steps just inches away from you . grabbing your face in his hands and forcing you to look up at him . your eyes scan his eyes franticly , looking between his unreadable one . it's there u see him soften and his eye twitch before taking a deep breath , anxiety poisons the air between you as he moves the hair from your face with his hands.

"look, y/n , you are what i want , i know that , i've always knew that .im just scared ."

it feels as if with just his words , he plunged his hand into your chest. through your cracked and broken rib cage , destroyed by months of deep breaths , your lungs abusing their cage. it was like he managed to find the exact places he broke just hours ago, and with a few words and found his way back home . all he had to do was throw a few words in your face and he stitched up the body of the girl he managed to destroy .

his hands trailed down your arms until they held your wrists . soft manacles seem to click around the space he holds.

"i want you chris , nobody else,, I want you to want me." you say looking him in his eyes , your voice soft and quiet

he trails one finger up your arm , looking at the goosebumps that trail his touch like a shadow until he rests his hand softly around the side of your neck . with this he puts a hand on the crook of your back and inches closer.

his wet hair drips on you forehead as he kisses you . his hands slowly moving up and down your body soothing your aches before they settle on your face , holding you as he deepens the intimacy . your hands ghost over his hands and rest on top of them .

calling him a parasite would be wrong, especially when the host welcomes the symbiosis .

_____________________

HEHEHEHHEHEEHE

i love angst sm bro

——————

tag list meow 🫖

@mangosrar @sturnphilia @lividnity @biimpanicking @bluesturniolo333 @jcwrites-blog @littlebookworm803

jus for funnnnnnn

[blouisparadise]

Today we have the fourth part of our hurt/comfort rec list for you! There are tons of amazing fics on this list that we hope you'll show some love to. If you missed the previous parts, you can find part one here, part two here, and part three here. If you enjoy our rec lists, please be sure to like and reblog this post to help spread the word. Happy reading!

1) Wanna Feel the Edges Start to Burn | Explicit | 6,111 words

Harry gives him a gentle smile. “Feeling a little bit better?” Louis nods tentatively. “I think so yeah. Thank you so much for being so kind, but you really didn’t need to do this.” He lifts his unfortunately still shaky hand and runs it haphazardly through his hair. “It was just a spilled tea, I totally overreacted. I’m a bit embarrassed to be honest.” Harry scoffs. “Are you kidding me? Don’t be. I saw the whole thing, that guy was way out of line. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Louis gives him what he’s sure is a watery smile. “Erm thank you. I wouldn’t normally admit this to a stranger, but you’ve already seen me cry today so what the hell?” He forces himself to let out a weak laugh. “The thing is, my period is due any day now and sometimes the birth control pills make my emotions go a little haywire. I think that’s what happened.”

2) To Love Without Reason | Explicit | 8,894 words

“Come on in, soldier,” Louis pats Harry’s chest and walks away, leaving Harry to follow behind. Harry stands in the living room, looking around at Louis’ dwelling. Family pictures placed high on a shelf, certificates of Louis’ practice, and other trinkets that make Harry entirely too nostalgic. “I have to warn you,” Louis says as he puts the kettle on, the water droplets from his hair trickling down the golden skin of his back. “The door jams if you lock it so you'll have to leave it ajar.” Harry acknowledges with a soft hum, too entranced by Louis’ glistening skin to form a coherent reply.

3) Wanna Do Nothing With You | Explicit | 9,606 words

The accident happens in the stupidest way possible. One minute Louis is demonstrating a skateboard trick he’d just learned for Lottie, the next he’s waking up in a hospital. He’s told that he wasn’t unconscious the entire ride, but he has absolutely no recollection of it. One second he’s fucking around in his own garden and the next he’s being assaulted with the strong sterile scent of a hospital. So. There’s that.

4) Let Me Be Your Good Night | Explicit | 10,520 words

Louis goes on a shit Valentines date and Harry's the cute waiter who takes him home

5) For The Love Of Biscuits | Mature | 16,574 words

Note: This fic is locked and can only be read by AO3 users.

The thing about hybrids is that their animal instincts make them jumpy. And quite often lends them to being owned. Harry Styles wasn't looking to purchase a half-breed. But sometimes things just happen. And owning a fox/human hybrid was something that happened.

6) Works Like A Charm | Explicit | 18,088 words

Ever since Louis joined the team in fifth year, a few facts have become set in stone. One: Louis is the best chaser in Hogwarts. Two: Harry is the best beater in Hogwarts. Three: They do not get along. So it’s really unfair of Liam to think that forcing them to spend time together as Louis recovers from his injury will make them the best of friends. The last thing Louis would do is get along with that git.

7) Soup Of The Day | Explicit | 19,958 words

It had been the single minded goal for them since college and seemed simple enough. 1. Study hard. 2. Open their dream restaurant. 3. Take the culinary world by storm. What could possibly go wrong?

8) Under The Rain Or Under The Snow | Explicit | 20,667 words

Christmas AU where they broke up a month ago but Harry shows up at Louis’ childhood home for the holidays. Louis didn’t tell his mum about their breakup so staying with them is not ideal. Harry stays.

9) Heart Eyes | Explicit | 21,467 words

Harry is a dedicated sentinel with a strong aversion to demons, and Louis is the lovesick incubus who will go to any lengths to win Harry's heart.

10) It Was All By Design (‘Cause I’m A Mastermind) | Explicit | 21,986 words

“You can’t be serious. You think I would be so awful to work for - you would rather quit?” “Don’t be all high and mighty about it,” Harry scoffs. “Surely you would do the same.” “I’m not being high and mighty. It’s called being professional.” “Really?” Harry pushes. “You’d work diligently under me with no complaints? You’d do whatever I asked of you?” “That would be my job, so yeah.” Harry shakes his head. “I’d work you so fucking hard,” he says slowly, “that you’d have to quit.”

11) Thrown To The Wolves | Explicit | 21,681 words

Louis is a human living in the Styles' wolf pack who can't stop getting into trouble, and Harry is the soon-to-be alpha who thinks keeping Louis at arm's length is the safest option.

12) Letters To June | Mature | 41,150 words

It's 1915, Europe is in the middle of the Great War. Omega Louis decides to join the Letter Home Project to become someone’s penfriend. Through this he meets a lovely soldier who hasn't got anyone else to send a letter to. Along with his letter, comes a picture of the most handsome alpha Louis has ever seen.

13) Catch Me If I Fall | Explicit | 47,099 words

Lovers when on the stage but bitter rivals as soon as they step off, Harry and Louis have butted heads from the moment they first met. Locked in a stalemate that they hope to ride out until graduation, things take a turn when Harry learns that Louis is hiding a secret.

14) As We Are | Explicit | 48,268 words

Louis doesn't think much when he's asked to meet up with the alpha of the pack two hours from his own - he figures it's business as usual. But Harry Styles is anything but usual.

15) Once Burnt, Twice Shy | Explicit | 52,644 words

Louis and Harry are polar opposites in every way. Where Louis is a bestselling author from the city, Harry is a small-town firefighter who’s never left his home. Where Louis is spontaneous and spirited, Harry is introverted and calm, never straying from routine. When an ill-fated accident and an exceptionally intelligent tabby bring them together, they are forced to confront their pasts and forge a better beginning for themselves. Will sparks fly, or will it all go up in flames?

16) Of Lost Things | Explicit | 57,890 words

Louis comes with a familiarity Harry has never felt with anyone else before. After their fateful meeting, their chemistry became undeniable, and soon after, Harry had felt like he hit the jackpot when it came to finding the person he would spend the rest of his life with. But all relationships come with their own unique problems, and Harry soon realizes that their relationship is no different. When their problems go from unordinary to nearly bizarre in nature, he takes it upon himself to find an answer to their troubles. What he stumbles upon are terrifying coincidences between his and Louis’ story, and the ill-fated mythological couple, Orpheus and Eury. But it’s all they are; just coincidences, ones that feel as frighteningly familiar as Louis. Except… what if none of this is a coincidence? What if everything Harry has always seen as fiction is true, and myth—or rather, history, is about to repeat itself?

17) Sink Into Your Sunlight | Explicit | 79,562 words

In the grand scheme of things Louis did believe in love, what he didn’t believe was that he would ever find it in his life time for himself. Low and behold he would find it with someone he didn’t anticipate, now it was just a matter of having it work out the way he dreamed of.

18) Invisible String | Explicit | 84,726 words

Louis swears on his life that that man came out of literal nowhere and he thanks each lucky star for having good breaks in his car. This strange alpha also happens to be the most beautiful being Louis has laid his eyes on. For some unknown reason, the omega feels safe around the alpha. It might seem strange, but you can't always explain why or how things are the way they are. All you can really be sure of is that they happen for a reason. There's a higher power (call it what you want) that knows better and definitely knows more than you do.

19) Wind Beneath My Wings | Explicit | 93,131 words

As an omega carer that works at a rescue and rehabilitation centre for feral alphas and omegas, Louis has experienced all sides of ferality. So Harry- a cold, near mute, non-receptive alpha- was a challenging case for everyone at Phoenix Rehab Centre. Louis wasn’t expecting to feel drawn towards an aloof Harry, or to form a slow bond with him. He certainly was not expecting for his entire life to change in unforeseen ways.

20) You Were My Because | Explicit | 109,089 words

Note: Please be sure to read the tags and any warnings.

Louis has battled the demons of his past for years now and has little hope of finding happiness for himself. Especially now that a school reunion is taking place and the memories of his school days are suddenly coming back with full force. But after rain always comes sunshine, in Louis’ case in the form of his old schoolmate Harry. A story about healing, friendship, finding trust and love.

21) Drops of Jupiter | Mature | 121,826 words

In a small, sleepy town ruled by prejudice, Louis Tomlinson runs his grandmothers shop for the occult. He finds comfort in his tarot cards, his friends, and a dog that he doesn't have room for. He thought the worst he'd have to deal with would be bigotry, until a new sheriff arrives with a headstrong little girl that's impossible not to fall in love with. But what happens when a string of break-ins leads to a brutal attack, and the towns' darling is murdered right under their Sunday hats? A murder that just so happens to bear the same modus operandi as similar homicides in neighbouring states. Has the killer been circling Virginia, or is he a local of Lavender Hills? And what will Louis do when the charming Sheriff Styles starts to suspect him of such a heinous crime?

22) Sewn Into You | Explicit | 167,485 words | Sequel

Harry Styles thinks soulmates are a fairytale, or in other words-a lie. He has no interest in entertaining anything that has anything to do with the very name that had been etched along his collarbone since his eighteenth birthday. Louis Tomlinson won't be answering to another alpha for the rest of his life if he can help it. Fuck happy endings, his soul mate can choke on it. Problem is, Harry needs a personal assistant to save his family's business, Louis needs the cash to officially move off of his childhood best-friend's couch. They can manage. Surely, nothing will go wrong.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

[myun-saidthoughts]

4th House Synastry

In the realm of 4H synastry, activating this aspect invokes a sense of comfort, ease, and relaxation. It creates an environment where worries fade away, and it allows you to express your inner thoughts freely, you just feel secure. The energy exudes a sense of reliability and trustworthiness.

For reference I'll use this boy and I's synastry aspects:

His Sun, Mercury & Venus are in my 4H.

(Below are his planets in my 4H making into my chart)

His Sun conjuncts my Jupiter, His Sun opposes my Moon (6 degree orb), his Sun trines my Mercury, Lilith and ascendant, his Sun sextiles my Mars, his Mercury conjuncts my IC, his Mercury sextiles my Uranus, his Mercury trines my Chiron, his Venus squares my ascendant and my Mercury, his Venus sextiles my Neptune, his Venus trines my Venus and North Node,

My Venus is in his 4H (My Venus Conjuncts his IC)

His South Node conjuncts my Sun

His Vertex conjuncts my South Node and Neptune

His Moon conjuncts my South Node (5 degree orb)

(Also: his Moon is in my 1H, my Moon is in his 3H, my Sun, Mercury, Rising are in his 5H, and my Venus is in his 4H)

Now I made a post about him a few months ago, and I noticed It felt bit lack luster with him. Although there was an instant comfort that I hardly feel with everyone else, I wasn't completely enticed, compared to what I'm used to (with 8th house synastry). I was intrigued a bit because objectively he is beautiful, and for someone who struggles with emotional intimacy, vulnerability, I self sabotage as if it's my second nature, so with it came times where when I was with him I didn't allow myself to feel deeply or to feel something for him (as much as I am a able too) so with that brought in feelings where I told myself I didn't like him or that he didn't ignite enough passion in me.

I saw him in May which was a few months ago and I was with him for the weekend and everything felt easy, but I wasn't incredibly enthralled, and with him and without him I felt whole and there wasn't any voids that he healed. (but that's because I subconsciously blocked myself from allowing him too)

After hanging out with one another, sharing dating behavior attitudes, hand holding etc, he just disappeared out of thin air, and I didn't think twice of it. And honestly because of our synastry I already knew I was going to run into him some way or another.

Anyway, a few days ago the same hour Venus goes into retrograde (he has a natal Venus retrograde) he called me and we made plans to hangout the following day. Prior to this I was nervous and scared because I don't normally see or hangout with anyone, but we met up at a party and we were casually just hanging out, he brought his friends and I was with mine. The conversations weren't forced and the second I saw him the fear I had left, I wasn't nervous or worried and I easily kept conversation. It was like I suddenly became this open, carefree individual that knew how to make conversation with anyone who was around because he was standing next to me.

Anyway as the night progressed he visibly looked so cute, and because I was drinking I became more inclined to letting him "in," in some way or another. We talked and talked and i'm not even sure about what, but there was no awkward silences and I just felt so at ease and was always laughing. I didn't get this high like I did with 8th house synastry, but I just felt comfortable in my own skin and because of that, I liked being next to him.

At the party we were away from each other for maybe 3 minutes and as a stranger was talking to me, I thought to myself I want to stand next to him. And prior to this I was scared that he was going to only hangout with me, (because I'm terrified of actually liking someone) and it turns out I was the one who chose to go back to him at the party. (He was literally the cutest boy there lmao)

We kissed that night and from the following day (today) I don't feel sick, I don't feel worried, I don't feel scared that I allowed myself to kiss him. That alone is triggering me to feel worried. Now since I still have curiosity towards him and since he feels like a comfort blanket; I'm now realizing what his presence elicits in me. He somehow didn't trigger my disorganized attachment style and I genuinely think it's because for (now) I allowed myself to feel, without getting scared or even repulsed by him.

I thought I wasn't affected by him, I thought I wasn't going to need him in any shape or form.

But in this moment I feel like i'm wrong.

Right now the feelings that I have are confusing me because I don't feel low without him, but I do feel this co-dependent underlying want for him.

Feeling comfortable in my own skin, with no worry is something I am not used too, so for him to create that in me is what's getting me.

A part of me knows I knew him from a previous life, and because of my broken attachment style, having this comfort with another person isn't something I normally get to hold onto.

Since I am still learning to let myself feel, these emotions that persevere comes in waves. I thought to myself that I wouldn't mind seeing him again, but that's the part of me that craves for peace and serenity talking, and now writing this post, the other part of me that hides and suppress any unsolicited needs for another is creating myself to feel nothing towards him.

(It's been another day since writing this and I no longer have that dire need for him because my brain is telling myself it's safer for me to not truly care yet and whether I want too or not, my brain just does this. I can still turn these feelings off in some shape or form and I still feel fear with going on a date or seeing him again but I also know, that once i'm next to him i'll just feel this ease I wish I was able to hold onto on my own.

Moving on, for a more descriptive and better understanding this is how the house person might feel:

What 4th House Synastry Feels Like

Everything feels so easy, with them you'll feel somehow secure, somehow safe. You naturally know how to respond to them, a look from them makes you feel comfort, you two share the same humor (with other soft mercury-moon/sun aspects), everything feels like it's already happened before, and with that feeling they unlock a part of you that you're afraid to show others.

When you're next to them, you're no longer worried about how others perceive you, nor are you overthinking the conversations between the two of you. It's different with 8th house synastry because although with the 8th house their touch unlocks that dire need of being emotionally vulnerable towards another, the 4th house unlocks a part of your character that you naturally hide or the part of you that you overthink when you're with strangers.

When they're next to you, nothing can feel bad, you don't fixate on any issues, you can just allow yourself to feel safe, and at ease. They bring you a sense of security you didn't know was possible, you want to hold onto them, be next to them, and you can't help but smile, can't help but be open, optimistic, and can't help but be unafraid to take on any task you can ever think of (especially if there are more Jupiter synastry aspects between you two).

Any anxiety somehow vanishes, you're not worried, you can't feel worry, you're not second guessing anything, and you don't have these wavering thoughts, and there's no what ifs, you're in the moment, you feel present, and nothing else matters. You allow yourself to feel at home within because they bring you this sense of comfortability that you've never felt before.

They become this key with unlocking the side of your personality that you hide towards anyone else that you don't share a close connection too.

And for someone with a Scorpio Moon/active 12th House, this feels new for me. Comfortability and serene feelings are both things I search for. I genuinely don't show anyone my true feelings or thoughts, I always wear a mask with everyone I meet. So with that, I want to feel calm, and safe, so because of that I believe that what's this synastry is hitting in me, but if you don't have a disorganized attachment style (or maybe even Scorpio placements) like me, the feelings within might be different.

[slytherhys]

12 Days of Christmas - ACOTAR Edition

In the spirit of the Holidays, I will be writing & posting short stories about the ACOTAR characters for the next 12 days. Please note that some will be shorter than others and that this is simply meant to be a fun time for everyone that loves these characters as much as I do!

PS. I'm open to requests.

AO3

4th day of Christmas - Ice Skating

Better Safe than Sorry (Elriel Drabble)

Velaris in the Winter was like a fairytale come to life. Small wooden stalls dotted the bank of the Sidra, vendors selling everything from hot beverages, to books, to trinkets from every other court. Fairy lights hung between lampposts, giving the city an ethereal glow even in the soft light of the Winter sun. Just to the side of the river, a rink of ice welcomed everyone for a spin, the laughter of children filling the air alongside the cheery music that so often played the streets.

It was truly a Winter Wonderland, and Feyre couldn’t be gladder she had dragged Rhys and everyone else to enjoy the festivities alongside the Velarians.

Even if her attention now lied elsewhere.

Feyre took a sip of her hot cocoa, frowning as her eyes followed Elain struggling to stand straight on her skates for longer than 3 seconds. Elain leaned against the barrier surrounding the ring, her cheeks rosy as she let out an embarrassed chuckle, eyes rising to whoever stood to her side.

She felt, rather than saw, Nesta approach her, shivering and cursing the cold under her breath. “Care to tell me why you’ve been standing here for the past ten minutes?” She asked. “It’s fucking freezing.”

It was – Feyre had lost feeling in her toes about 5 minutes ago, but she was just too enthralled to do anything about it. Still, she couldn’t bring herself to actually reply. Not when she spotted the male effortlessly skating towards Elain, a gentle smile on his face as he reached out a hand to help her.

“Feyre?” Nesta called again, huffing indignantly when she got no answer in return.

Feyre kept her eyes on the rink.

Elain, her hand in Azriel’s, tried to skate again, yelping as she stumbled against Azriel’s body the second she tried to move. Feyre tilted her head, watching as Azriel pulled her closer, head bent as he asked her something that earned him a blush and a nod.

“What are you looking at?” Nesta grumbled, eyes following Feyre’s line of sight. Feyre could feel the second Nesta spotted them, head tilting as well. “Oh.”

They watched as Elain and Azriel started to skate again, Elain much more at ease now that she was holding his hand, clinging to him - watching him - as if she feared she’d fall if she even dared step away. Azriel, for his turn, was watching her right back.

Neither seemed to notice the ease Elain now seemed to skate with.

Feyre hummed. “Didn’t Elain have skating lessons when she was younger?” She asked, watching as Elain “slipped” again; as Azriel immediately reached for her, hands going around her waist. Even from where she stood, Feyre could see the blush darkening his cheeks.

She finally turned to Nesta, as if trying to check if she was seeing what she was seeing. 

Nesta smiled, a pleased look on her face. “Yes.” She smirked. “Yes, She did.”

[alexwilltellyouthings]

Entirely self indulgent rating post about the top 10 TV shows that made me fucking insane for some reason

10. Sense8

God, this was so good. Such a blessing. I saw part of the cast during a Pride Parade and it's one of my favorite memories. I felt every possible emotion with this show, I love it.

9. The Last of Us

This is kind of a cheat, because the obsession comes from the games, but it is what it is. It's one of the few games that had a big impact on me and I closely relate it to my relationship with my dad. Can't wait to cry my heart out at season 2.

8. Good Omens

It's a given, isn't it? That stupid angel with his stupid demon and their stupid God. GRRRAAWW. A lot of thoughts and feelings came from the fandom, I have to point out. It's been very nice.

7. The Umbrella Academy

I have the first issue of the comics autographed by Gerard Way!! I mean, yes, it's because I'm a MCR fan, but it became even more precious after I got into the show. I'm rewatching right now, preparing for the last season. I'll be a mess when I say goodbye to them. Can't even really think about it too hard or I'll cry right now.

Continues under the cut

6. Our Flag Means Death

LISTEN THIS CHANGED EVERYTHING TO ME. What do you mean we can have a show THIS queer? It's all I want now. I ate it up. I smiled so much. I wanted this so badly and had no idea.

5. Interview with the Vampire

Feels like it should be top 3 honestly but I'll get there. This is also a cheat, I've been reading the Vampire Chronicles since I was like 15. Growing up with Anne Rice probably messed me up but hey at least I have great taste. And seeing them on screen? The way they made it BETTER? And Lestat?? Who has been haunting me for 15 years on and off??? And the second season and their reunion and and and?????????? I'm STILL insane about them and will be forever, I'm afraid.

4. Doctor Who

Listen. Listen. Okay. Yeah. What can I say? If you get into it, you're doomed. And I have been doomed for 10 years at least. I stopped watching for a while and got back last year, and it hit me all over again. I love this dumbass genius alien in a way that's calm, even. Just a permanent part of who I am now.

3. The Untamed

The year was 2022, it had been a while since I had a proper fixation and I didn't think it would happen with this danmei live-action, but then came Wei Wuxian. Guys, if I tell you I fell in love. Couldn't stop thinking about him. Everyday I was plagued by his smile and red ribbon and tragic backstory, yadayadayada. I really like other characters too, and their stories, but WWX did something to me that I still don't quite understand.

2. Queer as Folk (US)

This was a looong time ago and it didn't really persist over time like the others, but it was my first actual obsession. I was clinically insane over these gays. I had no one to talk to about them, so for every episode I wrote several pages of notes to comment to my (only) friend at school the next day, the poor thing. It was pretty much all I talked about because I spent EVERY MINUTE we had to talk going over the notes and explaining the episode. Like, between classes, during breaks, everything. Months of that. She held on firmly because she was a good friend, but I'm aware it must've been terrible. Like I said, insane.

1. Dead Boy Detectives

Maybe I'm putting this up here because it's my current hyperfixation? Maybe. But I don't think I have felt something hit as strongly as this since QaF over there. This time I can participate in fandom so I don't need to write every thought I have because it's all a big talk anyway, but I'm still pretty much having those thoughts all the time for *checks notes* nearly three months. I'm writing more than I have in years. I'm back at Tumblr after I don't know how long. I'm staring at GIFs over and over like I have the fucking time for that. I'm distracted at work daily. I talk about it in therapy. I have the main cast's notifications on. I'm getting involved in fandom discourse sometimes even knowing I shouldn't. It's a nightmare. I love it. I love them.

If you read all of this, congrats! Now you know how my mind works, kinda!! I'm open to talk about any and all of these shows. It's amazing how they mess us up. It's also scary, but anyway.

[ayelbee]

MORE THAN LOVE | K. MBAPPÉ | 5

previous chapter | next chapter

masterlist

Summary: Sometimes even love is not enough for relationships. But it's fine because you are over it. But getting again in a contact with his younger brother wasn't smart.

TW: French translation from a translator, some curse words

Notes: I know that this chapter took me long enough and I'm sorry for that, but better later than never?! Also, what do you think about this reunion? And how do you think the explanation will go? Tell me your thoughts! I will try to come up with a new chapter in the next week hopefully, if not.. im soory. Anyway enjoy this chapter i love you and i thank you for your comments<3.

Masterlist

---

Are you really coming? 

You read the message that lit up your phone.

I’m already on my way

You answered. You were currently on your way to the stadium, Ethan invited you to his game today and you couldn’t say no. He was also texting you for the third time if you didn’t change your mind about going. Which you didn’t. You still saw his hurt eyes, when he was talking about missing you the last time you saw him. You needed to do this for him, to show him that after everything you would still be there for him no matter what.

The car stopped and you saw the familiar stadium in front of you. The last time you were at the stadium you were there with Kylian. You felt like it was ages ago, but at the same time like it was just yesterday. You went straight to the stands, texting Ethan again that you just arrived. He didn’t answer but you already saw him on the pitch getting warmed up with the other players. He was really similar to his brother, just a younger version. Kylian was a god to him, he was everything and Ethan wanted to be in the future (just with better behavior to his future girlfriend).

 You looked around making sure that Kylian was not there, which you already knew because Ethan made you sure earlier that Kylian wasn’t coming today. If he did, Ethan would not invite you. He didn’t want to create drama and he knew that Kylian would be upset with him, not knowing that the two of you were in contact. After seeing that the stadium was safe you went to the fourth row, in your usual place so Ethan could easily find you. Four was your lucky number and it was also a spot where you could perfectly see from, in Kylian's games you were always seated in the family box way higher, where it was also good to see from but it was too far from Kylian, so every time you got a chance to sit closer to the pitch you would go to the fourth row.

You noticed that the players were getting ready for the kickoff, you quickly find Ethan who was looking around right now, probably trying to find you. and he noticed a few seconds later. You sent him a quick smile and showed him your fingers crossed which made him smile. After that, the kickoff happened.

The little gesture that you made to Ethan earlier made him calm and positive about today. You always did that, Kylian always used to say that you were their family’s lucky charm and Ethan always agreed, but he also knew that the biggest lucky charm for him was when Kylian came to his games with you. But that changed, and he was happy to at least have you there alone today.

—-

It was a few minutes after the second halftime started, you took your phone out to snap some photos of Ethan, normally you would send them straight to Kylian or post them on your close friends, but none of that happened… It felt weird being there. Yes the game was great and Ethan’s team was winning, but that still didn’t make you happy. You smiled on the outside, but the feeling of betrayal was somewhere inside of you. But in reality, you didn’t betray anyone, so you had no reason to feel that way.

You didn’t know that Ethan was feeling the same way you did, but he actually had his reasons to feel like that. Ethan didn’t tell Kylian about today’s game. Yes, it was because Kylian told him first that he had some plans today, but he also told him that they weren’t important. Ethan knew that if he told him, he would cancel these plans because Kylian loved to support him, but Ethan didn’t want him there today, he wanted you. He knew how sad Kylian will be once he finds out that his little brother had a match today, which he missed, but Ethan hoped that he will have time to think about a lie that will save him from his older brother.

Unlike Ethan's luck in the game today, he had no luck in hiding his game from his brother.

—-

Kylian’s meeting ended sooner than expected, so he decided to call his little brother if he wants to hang out with him this evening. After a few minutes of Ethan not picking the phone up, he decided to call his mum instead to find out why Ethan is not answering his call. 

Kylian was surprised, but he wasn’t disappointed. He noticed that his brother was acting weird the past few weeks, but he also had in his mind this mystery girl that Ethan didn’t say a word to Kylian about her. Kylian asked about her a few times already, but his brother always quickly changed the theme. The older brother put two and two together today, already making a theory of why Ethan was silent about his game today.

Kylian was one hundred percent sure that Ethan didn’t want him at his game today because he invited this mystery girl to watch him play. Kylian knew this tactic from the heart since that was one of the steps he took before he got together with you… So he made up his mind about finding who this girl was on his own. 

—-

 The game ended up with a win for the PSG, after the final blow Ethan looked at you and you smiled. You turned around and went to wait in front of the stadium for him. You promised to take him to McDonald's afterward. 

You called a cab and the rest of the waiting on Ethan you spent on Instagram. Good for you Ethan was trying to be as fast as possible so in 15 minutes he was already running to you.

“How did i play?” he spoke as you hugged him.

“You played like a Mbappe’s do.” he laughed. 

“And you will buy me a McFlurry for that.” Now you were both laughing. You heard a car stopping in the distance. Ethan put his hand on your shoulders as you both turned to the parking lot expecting there to see your taxi. Instead, the two of you froze.

“C'est quoi ce bordel!” a third voice spoke.

----

Kylian was angry, he was furious and mostly he couldn't believe his own eyes. What was happening? And why did he see an interaction between his younger brother and an ex-girlfriend that looked like they never stopped talking? Were they still close? Was Ethan in contact with Y/n all the time? And why he never mentioned that.

Ethan was supposed to be on Kylian’s side no matter what. They were brothers, they were from one blood but Ethan was clearly lying to Kylian all the time. Ethan knew how the breakup messed up with Kylian but he still didn’t try to help him. Every text that Kylian sent to her, every call when he needed her she wasn’t there but Ethan? He was there and he still chose to not help him.

To be fair Ethan tried to help him, but the real way of helping would be bringing Y/n back into Kylian's life. Which Ethan could do but chose to not. This thought made Kylian angrier than he was before.

Kylian would normally run to you, hug you, kiss you, and beg you on his knees to come back home. But now he felt only his anger rising, his blood was boiling and everything was happening just because of his OWN brother. A Brother who betrayed him.

----

You couldn’t breathe, you were frozen in place. If you could, you would start running away, but your legs couldn't move. You couldn’t believe that after six months of doing your best to avoid him, he was standing three meters away from you, watching you and his brother. You could see the anger in his eyes, you saw how his hand was in a fist, and his knuckles were white from the firm grip he had, but at the same time, you saw the way he was hurt inside. You wanted nothing more than to hug him, and tell him how sorry you were. 

On the other hand you felt how nervous Ethan was, you broke your gaze off Kylian, who was looking between you and his brother. Ethan’s eyes were red, you saw how he tried his best to not cry. Maybe he was taller than and stronger than you, but he was still a kid who unconditionally loved his brother, but also felt like he just stabbed him in his back. 

You gathered all of the strength that was left in your body to put together one sentence.

“Please don’t be angry, let us explain this.” you looked back into Kylian’s eyes. When he heard your voice his look softened. For a second he forgot in which situation he was.  Hearing your voice after all of these months was the thing he prayed for every day. It felt like his heart was repaired for a second like nothing happened between the two of you. But it did and you weren’t his anymore, he couldn’t kiss you or hold you, well he didn’t even talk to you. But his brother did.

And with that thought his anger was back.

“What would you explain to me Y/n? Because I feel like the only person who should explain something to me is silent.” his words sound harsher than they should, which took you back for a minute before you spoke again.

“He is still a kid.” Kylian’s eyes were dark, they were like that when he was playing games, maybe sometimes when you were in an argument, but they have never been like this when he was talking about his little brother. 

“Well that’s obvious when I see the way he’s hiding behind you!” he angrily pointed at Ethan who was looking at his sneakers. “Y/n don’t try to apologize to him, he is not dumb, he knows what he’s doing and he should also stand behind his actions and not act like a child.” how could Ethan lie to Kylian? Why did he do that, when he knew how his older brother was hurting?

“Kylian.” you took a step closer to him. Hearing his name from your lips broke him. “Please,” you spoke again. Kylian took a deep breath, he looked at his brother for the last time before he also tore his gaze away from you.

“Let’s go away from here.” he started to walk away to his car. You exchanged a look with Ethan.

“It is gonna be okay.” you gave him a small smile. 

“He is going to kill me.”

“Are you two going?” Kylian turned and looked again at the two of you. You and Ethan started to walk to him. “And he is going to do the talking,” Kylian spoke as he opened the door of his car in the passenger seat. No matter how angry or disappointed he was, he will never forget to act like a gentleman. Normally you would smile, but the only thing that was currently on your mind was scared Ethan on the backseats.

------------

Tag list: @nightlockcornucopia, @she-lives-in-her-dreams, @sorceresski @m4k444 @mrs-dasilvasantoss @kyksgirlgirl @mrswhitethornbelikov @starofavolonea

[kaybreezy3000]

The Anti Hero's Pitfall of Arrogance

Five Hargreeves / Female OC

What happens when you disarm an exceptionally arrogant person, one that is a self-absorbed, teleporting, teenaged superhero?

The answer is not great things.

Get ready for a taste of Five like you've never had before...

(Chapters 5, 6, and 7 post to complete this story)

- This AU starts off when the Hargreeves are 16 and but is based off the show. It's going to give you a look inside Five's mind at that time of his life and not all of it is good, but I promise it's not all bad. I always make sure to give our boy his day to shine.

Warnings and Tags: sexually explicit content, flashbacks, teen bad behavior, survival horror, bad decisions, regret, POV Five, aggression issues, suffering, humor and angst and fluff, redemption, sweet Five and mean Five in same story, Dolores is a factor, hurt Number Five, Five makes fun and dirty check lists in this one, Young Five is really something, Plot twists and many tags left off to avoid spoiling the story.

Link to Chapters 1 and 2.

Link to Chapters 3 and 4

Chapter Five: Snowman

Phoebe Leroux = Undeniably Extraordinary.

When we were sixteen, I never even asked her last name before I enthusiastically felt her up and then aggressively stuck my dick down her throat.

Five Hargreeves = World’s biggest asshole.

My ax slams down through the log, the pieces fling to the side, falling in the pile at my feet.

Thanks to Phoebe, I still have both my feet, and I also have my life.

It has only been three months since the day she found me, and it’s already falling below zero at night and it’s not much better during the day. It went from a world so hot you could hardly breathe, to so cold I feel like I’m going to freeze my nuts off every time I’m out here.

With temperatures consistently this low, we are rapidly depleting our indoor supply of firewood. There’s plenty here thanks to our location and the home’s prior occupant and their neurotic preparations, but if we are going to keep our fire lit, one of us needs to come out and get more wood several times a day.

Even with Fee’s special warming powers, heating the one room cabin all night is something she’s not capable of. The second she’s asleep, she can’t control the temperature of anything other than herself and the things she’s touching. Unless we want to wake up in a room that feels like an icebox, we need a fire going in our stone hearth.

I slam the heavy ax back down again, splitting my last piece of wood, then I look back towards the house. The sun fell below the horizon over a half hour ago, but it was never sunny during the day and hasn’t been for two weeks. I had hardly noticed it was getting dark, but now I see that the ghostly shadows from the last hazy light are stretching across the yard, out from the equally haunted looking ruined forest to the west.

I’m sure Phoebe is wondering what in the hell is taking me so long. We have plenty of branches and larger dry pieces of wood already cut up. All I needed to do was go get them and that should have taken less than five minutes. I saw her peeping out the window, checking on me a few times, but I pretended that I didn’t see her.

Deliberately delaying going in, I slowly start stacking the wood in the drum of the wheelbarrow. I hate making her do everything, so I came out, but it’s also because I needed to clear my head. Unfortunately, even this cold fucking air isn’t helping set me straight.

Nothing is lately.

Once I go in, it’s going to be another one of those long nights, and the colder it gets, the closer we need to be and the harder this is.

Cart loaded; I stare blankly at the ground. I still can’t bring myself to go in. I am engulfed in a cloud of white vapor as I release another frazzled sigh. Arms dangling sulkily at my sides, I begin to aimlessly pace the open area of our yard.

After tossing a few rotten branches out into the brush pile, I wander over to the greenhouse and start inspecting a window I repaired over a month ago.

Fee finding his place, which is an entire survivalist’s estate that was featured on one of those dooms’ day preppers TV shows, once again proves how sheltered I was growing up, and how little I know about what regular people do in their free time. I never would have found this place without her and that’s because I never would have watched reality TV shows even if dad would have let us watch TV. Fee only saw the show once, but that was enough for her to remember it.

I glance up, looking back at the cabin again. I can see the glow of the oil lamp on our small kitchen table inside. She left it going for me. It’s like a signal, telling me I should get my skinny ass inside and stop being so stupid.

Still dawdling, I make my way around the glass grow-house, testing window frames that I already know will hold up just fine in the vicious winter winds since they already withstood the massive shockwaves that tore through this area five years ago.

When Fee found me, I was in Nowheresville Pennsylvania, but I was almost in bum-fuck West Virginia, which is where we are now at our posh hillbilly haven. This cabin was strategically built into the side of a rock cliff, and it is fully intact thanks to its fortified construction and because of its shielded location in the Alleghanian Mountains. The vast store of supplies that were stored underground are plentiful and unspoiled. There’s even a freshwater spring on property that tests in a much safer drinking range than anything I have had in the last five years. This is also where Fee found the off-road jeep that she used to recuse me.

This place is a huge blessing, but so is she. With Fee by my side, my life would be a million times easier no matter where I was.

During my first days here, I learned so many things about her, one being that she hadn’t been in this area very long which made her and I crossing paths even more of a miracle. The other thing I discovered, though I should have already known, is that she is inherently kind and compassionate and extremely sharp. She can take any problem and find a viable solution, continually surprising me with how fast and cleverly she can think outside the small box of numbers and figures my mind is used to operating in.

Staggering into the cabin that first night, I was completely at her mercy. I was still too weak to get up without her help and she pretty much had to carry me again.

She did everything for me. I never had to ask.

One of the nicest things she did (and there were many) was she washed my appallingly soiled and pathetically boney body. I hadn’t properly washed for weeks, so she had her work cut out for her. She cleaned and rewrapped my injured foot while I was knocked out from her glorious pain meds, but the rest happened the next morning after I woke up, after she made sure I ate my fill of breakfast first. She did it all in such a way to let me keep what was left of my dignity. Inch by inch, limb by limb, and other areas too, she kept me mostly covered as she bathed me with warm, soapy wash clothes.

With as close to death as I had been, it felt like I had died and went to heaven having that done to me.

She rinsed me and helped me dress in comfortable, fresh clothing. She ensured I ate again and even carefully cleaned and reclothed Dolores, always making sure she was by me, but never saying anything about my intense emotional and deep physical connection to her.

Fee could plainly see that I was broken and not just on the outside. She never pushed me to talk, or in any other way. She just took care of me.

It wasn’t until almost a week later that I lamely attempted to explain Dolores to her by revealing that I found her just two days after burying my family. If it wasn’t bad enough that I cried in front of Fee several times already, when I talked about those first days, I cried again. She still never showed any signs of judgment about my mind falling apart so fast, or my need to cling to something outside of me to pretend that I wasn’t alone.

Fee was so sweet about it all, and I still don’t know how to grasp that or everything I am feeling about her.

She always makes it her priority to take care of me. Even letting me be the one to come out here in the bitter cold took some convincing. I insisted that I had to take a leak, otherwise I knew she would have stuffed her feet in her boots and came out without even needing layer upon layer to keep her warm like I do.

Fee coddles me, but she has her reasons. One being that, since she found me, I am the weak link in this relationship.

That has to change.

Straightening my back, I walk back over to the loaded wheelbarrow. Digging the heels of my boots into the frozen ground, I thrust the handles down, forcing the weight onto the front tire so I can get it moving forward.

“Fuck,” I groan because it feels like every muscle in my body is being put to the test just to keep the stupid thing level. “I fucking hate wheelbarrows, they don’t make any fucking sense!” I shout out to no one because I’m nuts. At least I’m getting stronger again, but I have a long way to go in the brain department and physically.

It took three days after nearly dying before I could walk normally on my own. Phoebe would stay with me most of the time if I was awake, keeping me company by reading to me until I dozed off again. It was as if she knew my mind was badly troubled by things I couldn’t articulate and she was trying her best to help me run from my demons even for just a little while.

Sadly, I couldn't escape the horrors I had been through no matter how much I enjoyed listening to the soothing rhythm of her voice.

On day two, when I was doing so much better, and I was awake most of the day. We talked more and more, but mostly I listened. I had little to tell her other than where I’d been since coming here, which wasn’t very far compared to her.

I learned that after our first fateful encounter, Fee went on to do many things, including getting her citizenship. Life wasn’t easy for her or what many would call conventional, but like she said the day I met her, she is extremely resourceful, and like now, she got things done no matter what and she survived.

Phoebe traveled the world, often with hardly a dime to her name. She had many jobs related to performing and music, and many that didn’t. She is the kind that radiates happiness, and people naturally gravitate to that, so there were plenty of interesting friends made along the way and even some people that sound like they were more than friends, though she didn't elaborate on those relationships. I had nothing similar to share, so I just listened, imagining her free spiritedly drifting through her life.

During our many talks, Fee has always been forthcoming, but she always keeps her stories positive in nature and I think it’s for my benefit. She doesn’t want to make me think of more bad things. But even with my lack of understanding people, I can tell that her inability to settle any one place very long wasn’t simply because she didn’t want to. It was out of necessity.  

She virtually had nothing, and she never told anyone about what she could do. Only her mother had known. Putting herself out there like that in the public eye could have changed everything for her when it came to money worries, but it also would have meant living a life under constant scrutiny and expectations. She’d seen with my family what kind of exploitation could happen if suddenly the world knew you had superpowers.

Fee was scared to tell anyone the truth and that prevented anyone from ever really knowing her.

She wanted a normal life, but sadly it seems you can’t escape the isolation of being born this way. Looking back, I realize that is in part why she felt it was so important to tell me about 'others' with powers; she had hoped telling me meant she wouldn't have to be alone. She was searching for someone that would understand and that she could trust.

It makes me sick thinking about that and how badly I messed that up.

The night the world ended, Phoebe was alone because she often was. She was backcountry camping along the Colorado River. Her campsite was in an open box canyon so there was nothing out there to crush her. She was laying there, contemplating her next moves in life, but she was also stargazing. To her horror, she saw what looked like our moon breaking apart. Then even more shocking, fire started raining down from the sky in all directions.

She told me how terrified she was and how that feeling didn’t get any better in the days after that. She survived because thanks to her powers, she can’t burn. She didn’t even know that till then, and that’s because in those first few hours after the initial blast, fire was taking everything that hadn’t already been destroyed. That part she said very little about and I can only imagine why. I arrived the next day and things and people were still burning but not like I am sure they were the day before.

The moon being blown apart makes no sense scientifically, but I believe her that's what happened. There’s no way our government agencies would have missed an enormous asteroid or a comet big enough to do that. That means something unnatural happened and I can’t help thinking my family was involved in some way. It’s just too coincidental that my home was blown to hell the day before, and that Luther was holding on to that eyeball.

After telling Phoebe my thoughts on that, it became our mutual goal to get back and do anything we can to try and save them, and all of humanity. It’s a lofty goal, but we both see no other way.

Now more than ever, I need to figure out a way to travel back, because I am certain that there is something I can do about what happened. Now I don’t need to just pull myself back through the unknowns of time, I need to bring her along for the ride too. There’s no way I’d leave her. She is my friend and my teacher, showing me how to survive in this place far better than I was before.

In what feels even more important, Fee shows me every day what it means to be loved.

Like she was that night I met her in that damp and dirty warehouse, Phoebe is all brightness and tenderness in this world of murky nothingness. Just watching her as we go about our days together makes my heart feel so heavy. Sometimes she leaves me speechless by simply smiling at me in that pretty way of hers while she's doing the most mundane tasks.

Anytime she shows me affection, it’s always innocently, but…

Yeah.

Yup, coming outside didn’t help. It’s just prolonging the inevitable.

I can’t hide out here forever and I am shivering so hard now my damn teeth are clattering together.

Getting on with it, I unload part of the wood by the door, then heave the sling full of the rest up on my shoulder before teetering up the steps with it. I am sure that by now Fee is done getting ready for bed, meaning she’s in bed.

Our bed…

Fuck, fuck, triple times a million fucks.

Dolores knows where my mind is at, and as always, she understands, but she also thinks I am being ridiculous. She loves Fee and has since day one. When we are out scavenging, Phoebe always makes a point to find little treasures to bring back for Dolores.

They are big time buddies now.

Fee decorates Dolores like she’s the queen of the apocalypse, dressing her in expensive pieces of jewelry and excessively feminine tops with sparkles and sequins. Basically, anything goes if it makes no sense in the conditions we are living in, and it’s the exact opposite of what either of us wear daily. I didn’t even realize Dolores liked all that stuff until Fee started doing that with her. Then I saw how happy it makes them both.

Fee treats Dolores like she’s real. But not since the first days, when I was still very sick, have I talked to or touched Dolores so openly when Fee was around. I know that a part of her doing this kind of thing is to try to make me feel like it’s okay if I want to do it too. But things have drastically changed for Dolores and I since Fee found us, and my normal mode of conduct with her has been strictly kept for when Fee is not around, which isn’t very often. I haven’t slept with Dolores in my arms since that first fevered night.

I love her but doing that with her, or doing much of anything else that I feel the urge to do feels very wrong now.

I do speak with Dolores all the time, but we keep our conversations private. Dolores knows I’m having a hard time navigating this bizarre situation, but she’s adamant that I open myself up to Fee. Like so many things, I don’t know how or if I should. I don’t want to ruin what we have.

Phoebe hasn’t let on that she has any feelings for me in other way than the friendly kind of way, and I can’t blame her. Back when she was head over heels for me, which for her was a long time ago, I wasn’t anything anyone else would look twice at. Here, even as the only man on Earth, I am clearly not a catch. She already gave me a chance even though she shouldn’t have, and I epically blew it, and now I’m even more of a mess than I was at sixteen. In a normal situation, a beautiful, mature woman like Fee would want nothing to do with a lanky, immature fuck-up like me.

I’d be laughing if this ironic twist of fate weren’t so fucking heart wrenching. My heart hurts when I think about how much I care about Fee.

I am completely crushing on the girl who once crushed on me and got her heart stomped on for it.

“Fuck,” I mumble when I realize my frozen fingers won’t tighten around the doorknob enough to turn it. “Fuck you, you fucking-"

It finally clicks open, and I ram my head into it to push the door wide. With my giant load of wood, I stumble from the weight of it, then unsteadily kick the door closed behind me and loudly tromp over to the fireplace letting my sack tumble to the floor.

When I look across the small room, I can see that Fee is trying not to laugh over my graceless performance.

“Sorry,” I sheepishly offer, along with a lopsided grin. If my face wasn’t already bright red from the blistering cold, it would be now.

Sitting up straighter with her back against her pile of pillows, Fee lowers her book. “We weren’t trying to go to sleep yet, there’s no need to apologize for crashing through like the abominable snowman. Do you need some help with all that?”

By ‘we’ weren’t sleeping yet, Fee is referring to Dolores, who is sitting, wrapped in a fuzzy blanket on the chair next to my side of the bed, just like she is every night.

Yes. I sleep between two beautiful women, and I can’t touch either one the way I want.

Awesome.

Now Dolores is trying not to giggle at me.

I shake my head at her and covey my thoughts on that silently. I’m glad you’re entertained by my blue balls, sweetheart. 

After biting my glove to pull it off my numb hand, I spit it on the floor, then awkwardly clear my throat as I look back at Fee. “Ah, no. I’m good. Thank you though.”

The 'ahh' I stammered on just came out several octaves higher than normal because why not look like more of a moron?

Shucking my other glove off, I put my shaking hands down by the flames, bringing some immediate feeling back to them, then I busy myself with throwing more logs on, restacking the rest next to the wall and cleaning up the big mess I just made.

When I am done with all that and I’m over by the door again, kicking off my boots and peeling off my layers, I notice that Fee set her book on the side table and is staring at me with a cute but very devious look.

“We were getting a little worried in here. I thought maybe you accidently got too close when you were pissing on your favorite clothesline pole and that you accidentally froze your dick to it.”

Another thing I learned very quickly about Fee is that she’s got a wonderfully crude sense of humor.

My cheeks stretch and my lips pull to the side again. “No, I didn’t freeze my dick to a metal pole, but I did almost freeze.”

Freed of my layers, and only in fleece sleep pants and a sweatshirt, instead of blinking there, I sprint over to the bed, vaulting over the footboard with childlike enthusiasm.

The bed springs springing back, give Fee a good bounce and I knew this would make her laugh. That was part of the point of it, but it’s also because I am so flippin cold. Hiding outside was to avoid going to bed with her, but the reality is, this is exactly where I want to be.

I want it way too much, hence a major part of my problem.

Once I have crawled up next to her, I waste no time shuffling my body under the mound of blankets. When my freezing foot locks down over hers, she jolts from the chilly assault, but she doesn’t pull away because she never does. Within seconds, my entire body is warming back up. Currents of heat brush up my leg from our point of contact, spreading through my entire body as I melt into the mattress with a sigh of relief.

“Yowza! You are so cold! Why didn’t you just let me go out there? You could have pissed in that lovely chamber pot, or did your business and just came back in. You were out there for almost an hour, what the heck were you thinking?”

Unenthusiastically, I look over at the pot she’s referring to. I have used the pot. It was in my first days here when I didn’t want to make her carry me outside.

Looking at her overly sourly, I say, “I hate that thing and I won’t use it.”

She chuckles at that. “You hate a lot of things, one of them being cold, but you just willingly went out in it and stayed out when you didn’t need to. You are such a stubborn asshat. Sometimes I think you do things like this just to drive me nuts. It’s like your secret superpower that no one else ever was lucky enough to be privy to.” She sneaks a hand under the blankets and lightly prods my side, to provoke me further.

I want to ‘provoke’ her right back, but instead I frown at her.

She merely raises a brow, brining it on even more. “You know, Five, you could have just whacked-off in here?”

A puff of air rushes out of my chest and I think my face just lit on fire, but I stick my head further out of the blankets anyway, defiantly jutting my chin at her.

“My family was privy to my assholery, and I wasn’t whacking off. I was chopping wood and you know it.”

I seriously can’t think of anything better to retaliate with, and that’s probably because I have whacked off plenty of times while wandering around outside with her on my mind, and talking about jerking it right now isn’t helping me get my shit together or think with even the tiniest bit of intelligence.

Her body quakes with laughter as I narrow my eyes at her. “Yeah. Playing with your wood, like I said," she beautifully chackles.

Fully rolling over in her direction, I do my best pouty face. She gives me one right back.

“Miss, Leroux, you are awful.” I have to bite the inside of my cheek to hold in my smile.

There’s scratching around under the blankets, and I can feel Fee fishing around until she finds my hand closest to her where it’s tucked under my tightly crossed arms. Her warm fingers wrap around mine as she offers a much less naughty look.

My stomach flutters from her touch and my heart rate kicks up accordingly.

“I am sorry. I’m just messing with you because you make it so darn easy. You know I love you, Five. I wouldn’t want to be here with any other asshat than you, and that’s only partly because you’re the special teleporting kind that is going to get us out of this apocalyptic shit hole.”

I can’t help my truly contented smile from hearing her say that she loves me. I know it’s not in that way, but I love that she says it, and how she’s looking at me right now, and that she’s touching me for reasons other than to warm me up, but it’s doing that too despite her intentions.

Phoebe’s strawberry blonde hair is tied back in her nightly braid, but the wavey pieces framing her face are just begging for me to tuck them back behind her ears. Just the memory of brushing her hair back so I could see her better while she pleasured me, how soft everything about her feels, how those pink lips felt against my own, and on my…

Fuck me, I need to go back outside.

I could lay here all night and stare at her while fighting boners, but I force myself to roll on my back again and she does the same about a minute later.

I feel her wiggle closer, causing our hips to touch as we both gaze up at the ceiling, watching the fire light dance on the beams.

“Someday we’ll leave this place,” I breathe. Getting us out of this is the most important thing. Her unintentionally reminding me of that important point has my fucked-up mind on my most recent equations and time dilation sequences rather than on her lips and my dick, and that’s a very good thing. “I’ll figure it out. I promise, I will.”

“I know you will because you are this planet's one and only, time traveling mastermind. Number Five Hargreeves, you are our only hope.” She softly laughs at me as she pulls her hand away from mine but not before sneaking in a quick tickle.

Man, do I want to tickle her, but I’m scared I won’t be able to stop there.

“Okay, that’s it,” I say squirming a little as her nails dig in between my ribs. “You’ve been allotted your making fun of Five time slot for the day. It’s time to be quiet. Keep those tiny magical heater feet of yours on me and go to bed, mean girl.” I say it with disgruntled authority, but I can’t help the full smile I am wearing.  

“You like it when I tease you.”

I do, but my response is nothing more than a dismissive huff that makes her let out another girly little giggle.

I peek her direction just in time to see her eyes shutting. She’s still smiling that curious smile of hers that I can only conclude means that she is happy and that makes me happy. What I want doesn’t matter when it comes to more than this.

I carefully move my arm out from under the bedding, taking Dolores’s hand in mine.

“Just tell her. It will be okay. Everything is okay now that we have her,” she whispers.

My tired eyes close and the fuzzy black and white stars start dancing behind my lids, but those lips and that smile will forever be imprinted in my mind and not even sleep lets me forget them. Soon, images and of the feel of her will fill my dreams, they always do.

------Sleepy, happy Five....

----------

The thing about winter in the Apocalypse is it’s even more unbearable to be outside than normal. We hardly ever go out lately, but that wasn’t stopping me this morning when I woke pre-dawn, determined to complete a very important mission.

Christmas is only a few days away and I have nothing for Fee. We are almost always together when scavenging and that’s for safety and practicality reasons, but today I snuck out early while she was still sleeping.

Months ago, while out foraging with her, I found a guitar in a case in the remains of someone’s bedroom. I didn’t even think to tell her about it or take it because I was so used to being solely focused on finding and bringing back only what I needed to survive. Looking back on that now, and the fact that I know Fee loves to play and is very good at it, I can’t believe I didn’t even consider taking it for her. It’s the perfect gift.

I wrote a note, stating that I’d be gone for an hour or so. I was hoping that she wouldn’t even wake up until I was back.

That was three hours ago now.

Even before I got down to the valley floor and started making my way through the deep snow to the closest town, the storm clouds were ominously moving in from the east and the freezing winds were cutting through the mask protecting my face. Being I’m on the western side of the range, I had no way of knowing how bad things were going to get, but even that is not a great excuse for putting myself in this situation.

The snow is falling fast, and the gusts are blowing it in such a way that I can hardly see a few feet in front of me at times. I think I’m on the right path, maybe?

Stopping, I clomp my snowshoes around in a circle formation as I recheck where I am. North, South, East, West, it all looks the same right now. Blinking won’t even get me back since I can’t orient myself.

“Shit.”

Fee is going to be livid.

Checking my compass and readjusting the strap on the case I have slung on my back, I start trudging uphill again, moving East. I’m going approximately the right direction. I’m sure I will see a landmark of some kind soon.

Not for over another hour do I know for certain I’m getting close. By then, I am too exhausted to pull off a jump.

By the time I am heading up the twisting inclined path that is the road into what is now Fee and my property, I have been gone a total of six and half hours.

Fee has the door of the cabin open even before I can make it to the snow buried steps.

Raising my stiff arm, I push my ski goggles up with my frozen mitten. Phoebe crashes into me, flinging her arms around me even though I am covered in ice and snow.

“Fee, I’m so-"

My snow blindness begins to clear after a few slow blinks.

Oh, shit. She’s crying.

“I thought you were gone! I looked everywhere. There weren’t even any tracks!” she hysterically sobs.

She’s holding me so tight that I can feel her shaking and I know it’s not from the cold.

“I’d never leave you,” I say, holding her right back, but it’s more like I’m pathetically slumped around her smaller frame.

Fuck, I feel like such a bastard.

With her tears streaking down her cheeks and the snow sprinkling her hair in downy white, she lets me go, but only enough to start towing me inside, loudly slamming the door behind us as I tiredly slouch into the closest kitchen chair.

I can hardly move, and I know I’m in deep shit.

Fee wipes at her eyes, as she kneels in front of me. Still sniffling, she immediately starts unstrapping my boots out of my snowshoes. She looks back up at me once my boots are thrown off, but she doesn’t release my sore feet from her hot hands. I wiggle my toes to give her confirmation that I didn’t turn them into two blocks of ice with my ill-timed expedition.

“What were you thinking? You could have died out there.” She releases my feet, and her hands come up to rub her temples.

I don’t know what to say. I feel so bad. She looks so hurt and that’s not at all what I wanted.

“I am sorry, I wanted to-"

I stop, taking a deeply defeated breath as my shame sets in even more. Dropping my head, I reach back and pull the frozen strap off my shoulder, bringing the hard black guitar case around in front of her.

Fee looks confused, meaning she’s so upset that she hadn’t even noticed it yet.

She takes it and I slowly lean back as I watch her unlatch the two clasps holding it closed. Her eyes run over the polished black acoustic guitar inside. All its strings are still intact, but even if they aren’t good, there are several other packages of new ones inside the case along with a few other things someone like her would know how to use.

“I wanted to get you a present. Merry early Christmas, Fee.”

Now, after seeing how anguished she is, this hardly seems like a good explanation for what I did, but it’s all I have.

Her brows pull down as her lips push out in a quivering pout.

Shit, she’s crying again.

Before I know it, Phoebe sets my gift aside, pushes up from the floor and starts draping herself around me again, only this time she’s got me pinned to the chair with her bottom in my lap, her spread legs dangled at my sides, and her magical warm lips pressing into mine.

I have wanted this for so long, but I can’t even begin to comprehend what is happening right now.

Worried that I’m going to scare her off, I very gradually turn my face up to get a better angle to kiss her back.

Her hips subtly rub up against mine in response and even through my sub-zero snow gear, I can feel it in all the right, or maybe wrong ways.

“Mmmmm- mmmfff!”

I am not even close to being able to hold that embarrassingly high-pitched moan in as she pushes herself closer and her hands move inside my hood, her hot fingers forcing their way under the heavy scarf still wrapped around neck.

Not sure what to do, I very hesitantly bring my hands up on her waist, slowly moving back down her curves until they are wrapped behind her, gently holding her bottom.

Despite my best efforts to contain myself, my tongue has a mind of its own and it darts out in my increasingly excited state, but she doesn't seem to mind. Fee letting me kiss her like this feels so good that my damn head feels like it could roll right off my shoulders. If not for her fingers splayed out on the back of my skull as they lightly tug at my hair, I'm sure it would. Phoebe clearly has me secured where she wants me.

Fuck… She wants me.

Maybe?

Yes.

Obviously.

I think…

“Fff-fff-e-Fee?”

“Hmm?” she hums back, still not stopping with her kisses. Now they are moving from my lips to my jaw, and-

My legs both spontaneously tense and my hands inside my mittens clench as I try to latch on to her ass even tighter.

“Ahh-ya-you- Ahhhh.” My words fail to land in a way that’s coherent as her mouth moves to what she can get of my neck.

Holy fuck, this feels amazing and it’s getting so hot in here or maybe it’s just me. Fuck. It’s both. I wish I wasn’t wearing all this crap.

My little goddess of fire and ice works me over a little more before she graces me with her stunning blue eyes gazing into my own much less alluring and very droopy ones.

Her plump pink lips spread in a coy looking smile as she speaks. “Thank you for the gift.”

“You like it?”

She nods a yes as she bites her lower lip with her upper teeth.

“Am I out of the doghouse then?” I question, even though I feel pretty certain I am.

Fee softly laughs at my question and maybe even at my attempt at a funny expression, which consists of me trying to conjure up some major puppy dog eyes for her. “You were never in it. I was just so scared I’d lost you.”

“I am so sorry. I never met to scare you. I would never leave you, Fee.” I pause and my words come out shaking as I say them but it’s only because of how much I mean them. “I’m hopelessly in love with you, Phoebe. You are everything to me.”

Suddenly her face looks so sad again and I desperately want to take back what I just said.

My eyes frantically search hers, but I don’t know what I’m seeing in them.

“I wanted to give you something special. You have done so much for me,” I further explain, because I don’t know what to say or do.

Her normally sure voice cracks just a little. “All I want is you, Five. You are my special, I thought you knew that by now.”

“You want me?”

“Yes. I love you. I want to be there for you, and with you in every way if you are ready for it. I thought you understood that.”

Oh.

My eyes dart around as my brain tries to figure out what I have been missing all these months. Dolores is sitting on the tiny sofa next to the fireplace and the moment I lay eyes on her, she rolls her eyes at me, giving me one of her ‘I told you so looks.’

Before I can come up with an answer to that, Fee kisses me again and as soon as she does, my mind can do nothing but think of her lips and how they feel moving with my own.

Fee’s hands make fast work of unzipping my outer coat but when they dig inside and she finds that I am basically like a human Russian Doll, because I have layer upon layer of clothing on, she bursts out laughing even as I am trying to entice her into another round of tongue war.

“Five, I think you need to remove some of this, or you are going to spontaneously combust.”

“Too late, I think I am already on fire, Amore mio.” I boldly lift my hips, while pulling her up against the bulge in my pants that I am not even sure she knows is there because of the sheer amount of thermal insulation between us. Fee actually looks a little nervous as she glances over my shoulder, looking out the window at the storm for a second or two before locking eyes with me again. “Was that okay?” I worriedly ask.

“Yes.”

I don’t think a one-word answer could ever give me more relief, but then again, I just finally declared my love for her and she isn’t running for the hills, and I also just realized she loves me more than as a friend, so I’m pretty much on cloud nine thousand nine hundred and ninety zillion.

"Amore mio, posso portarti al nostro letto?" I question as I glance over at our bed.    (My love, can I take you to our bed?)

“Five, you must be confused. You know I don’t speak your and Dolores’s secret love language.”

True. Fee doesn’t speak Italian, that’s one of the reasons I use it when speaking to Dolores. That way this firey little redhead can’t understand what we are talking about.

I don’t speak French fluently, but Fee does, so for her, I’ll give it a whirl.

“Mon amour, puis-je vous livrer à notre lit?” I nervously bite my lip as I wait for her reply. (My love, may I deliver you to our bed?)

Fee’s beautiful blue eyes wrinkle at the corners. “Oui.”

Not wanting to let her go yet, I summon all my strength as I start to stand but lifting her up with me turns out way easier than I thought because she’s so light, and the moment she realizes what I’m doing, she locks her legs around my waist.

My heart is fucking racing from adrenalin as carry her across the small room and drop her down on the bed.

“Are you sure?”

“Sì, il mio cuore,” she whispers as she looks back up at me with a wicked smirk.   (Yes, my heart.)

That was a big wonderful yes, and to my surprise, it was in perfect Italian, meaning Phoebe has been bull shitting me for months saying she doesn’t understand a word I say to Dolores. As my mind is reeling, thinking of all the little things she’s no doubt been picking up on, her hands fall on the hem of her sweater, pulling it up over her head, before tossing it over one of the bed posts.

I stop breathing and I think my heart stops all together.

There are those perfect breasts I wanted to see so badly when my hands were on them five years ago.

Not thinking, with only my outer coat off and my snow pants unzipped and pulled part way down, I stumble over them in my haste to get closer to her again.

Fee laughs when I crash land on the bed but try to play it off like I meant to do it.

“Oh my God, Five. I love having you around, you are such a sexy klutz.”

Eyes fixed on her, I anxiously yank my pants off and start working on my two extra layers of sweaters. “Baby, I’m here for whatever you need, even if it’s your daily dose of comic relief. Just don’t tell anyone that I let you get away with all your cute teasing shit or I'll be forced to punish you.”

She laughs again. “Har-har, Mr. Scary. There’s no one to tell other than Dolores and she already knows you’re a big closet softy and she thinks your hilarious too.”

Having pulled my head out of my last heavy layer, I hesitate, trying to decide if I should take of my cotton long sleeve.

Fuck it.  Fee has seen the good, the bad and the ugly and she still loves me for some reason. Right now, I am pretty sure my hair is sticking straight up, and she looks like she could care less about how stupid I look.

“Hey,” I sternly admonish, “Dolores doesn’t pick on me. That’s your thing and yours alone, and it's high time you get fucked with.” I hit her back with the most menacing look I can.

Laying splayed out waiting for me in all her bare breasted glory, Fee merely shrugs as if she is not at all intimated and she knows that’s not true about Dolores. The damn thing of it is, my fucked-up brain is instantly wondering what kinds of things Dolores tells her about me when I’m not around, because that was lie. Dolores fucks with me all the time.

Thinking of Dolores again, I spontaneously blink over to her, quickly facing her body that way so she’s a part of this too. She’s been waiting for it, so there’s no way I’m going to deny my lovely loyal lady.

When I blink back, I land on top of Fee with my elbows supporting the weight from my upper half, but my lower half is flush with hers, pressing into the space between her legs with intent. I immediately start kissing her again and she lets me, but she also seems to be unable to stop laughing, so I halt my attack.

“What was that all about?” she breathlessly asks as she looks up at me with her beautiful smile and her rosy cheeks illuminating the rest of her beauty to a starling degree.

Pulling together all the confidence I can, I quirk a brow at her as I move my hand closer to her cheek, letting my fingers tenderly brush against it. “Dolores likes to watch. Didn’t she tell you that?”

“Watch what?” she pushes back sounding so innocent but the look in her eyes is anything but.

“You want to see?”

“Yes,” she taunts as if she thinks she can call my bluff.

Wrong.

My body is so revved-up from pent up horniness, and this siren of a woman lying under me just asked for it, and she knows me in ways no one else ever will, so I figure why not. I have little to no shame left.

With no warning, I drop my face down against her neck, as I drive my cock down between her legs.

“Oh, fuck me, I love your legs!” I groan out with my nose pressed up just under her ear as my hand at her side moves to grip her thigh and I rut into her.

Fee lets out a sound of shock over me saying that and doing this, but when it turns into a whimper and her head fall to the side to give me more access, I increase my efforts both with the rock of my hips and my mouth. To answer back to that, she rips one of my hands off the bed, forcing my hot palm down over her breast. That lets me know for sure that she’s more than okay with me showering her with the kinds of affections Dolores is used to, and that in playing out my perversions, I’m actually doing something right.

Letting myself go, I begin kissing her sweet smelling skin any way that I see fit, soft, hard, nips, and licks, it all feels so good, so I grind myself into her harder, my core muscles flexing and my hips moving as if I am fucking her even though I am not inside her and I have never fucked anything other than my hand, her mouth, and too many inanimate objects to count, including hundreds of cushions and pillows, but also sometimes my Dolores.

Phoebe is so soft and responsive, and I know Dolores is seeing all this and loving it, and that is messing with me, but because I’m clearly a warped little bastard, it’s turning me on even more.

Again, with no warning, I stop dry humping Fee, quickly sitting up off her so I can latch on to the tops of her leggings, but I stop short of pulling them down, looking up at her hopefully.

“I want to make you feel good too, will you please show me how?” I ask.

Fee’s wide eyes move from mine, downwards, stopping on my crotch area where my pants are sticking out in a very notable way. 

She giggles at the sweet tent I'm proudly sporting, then says, “You were already doing a pretty nice job of things, but I can teach you if you want. First, you need to take those sweatpants off before you hurt yourself.” 

I glance down at my hard-on, then back at her with a big smirk on my face. “I am very skilled when it comes to sexual rubbing with my clothes on, but I can see your point. You first though."

I purse my lips as I narrow my eyes at her. She responds by lifting her hips so I can pull her leggings off.

Oh fuck. She's wearing red panties!

She had a similar pair on the night I met her. 

Both her brows lift as her grin spreads the more I stare. “Five, sweetie... Take your pants off right now or I'll make you."

“Oh, really,” I cockily taunt back, but I lose all my bravado when she drops her hand between her legs and slowly starts rubbing her fingers over the lacey fabric that is creating a ‘v’ over her mysterious lady parts.

“Yes, really. Now take them off,” Fee orders.

Eyes trained on her hand, I quickly kick them off, then come back to her, on my knees with my hard shaft in hand, at the ready.

“What do I do?”

Her hand slides up and under her panties, pushing them down as her knees come up so she can get them off. The red lace goes flying over my head and boy do I love those red panties, but holy shit do I love them more on the floor.

“First, what you do is, you touch me, like this.” Fee slips her index finger between her folds, pressing the tip down as she slides it up and down, slowly but firmly.

Wetting my lips with my tongue, I flip my head to the side, anxiously flicking my hair out of my eyes as my hand reflexively works my cock.

“Five, it’s unbelievably hot watching you do that while I touch myself but even as good of a student as I know you are, the best way to learn is hands on, not just to observe.”

I need no other invitation. Coming down over her again, the sensation of flesh on flesh has every nerve ending in my body supercharged. As I carefully mold myself to one of her legs, Fee reaches out, taking my shaking hand, placing it where hers had just been and already I am a changed man.

Fuck...

Chapter Six: Ain't No Place for a Hero to Call Home

Holding the woman that you love while you sleep is akin to transcending into a supernatural place where you are lighter than air and all your worries just float away. Waking up next to your lover is even better.

I know that me saying that is a lot like that whimsical crap dad warned me with the day I took off and ended up in here, but just like that crazy sliding along ice then descending blindly as an acorn bullshit that I should have listened to, this is also so fucking true.

I am certain that the magical reactions of a woman’s body to different forms of touch will never cease to amaze me. In my opinion, females are much more complex than men, both mentally and sexually, but despite that, I am absolutely going to ace the art of getting my girl off. I probably never will figure out her beautiful mind, but this, finding ways to make her all mine, over and over again, I will master this glorious deed.

“Am I doing it right, Professor Honey Bunny?”

I purposefully hum my silly words against the nap of Fee’s neck, nuzzling my nose up into her hairline as I breathe in her flowery scent and rub my slicked cock up and down between her ass cheeks.

First lesson when it comes to real women, and it’s one that I managed to figure out without Fee outright telling me, is that they love it when you whisper or speak softly anywhere near their ear.

The second lesson is that they also love it when you are boldly willing to let go of shame and fall all over them with your adoring and sometimes perverted affections. Nothing proves your love than letting your defenses down and not being scared that they see who you really are, which for me is a total perv and a major dork.

When Phoebe doesn’t answer my question with anything other than a muted sighing sound, I find that’s not good enough for my continued educational purposes, so I up my game, sliding my fingers faster between her legs.

“How about this?” I try again.

Fee reacts to that change of pace quick enough, her bottom pushing back against me, pressing my erection even tighter between us as her head falls back against my shoulder while she moans so perfectly wantonly.

Getting a much better reaction, I can’t resist my excitement or sinking my teeth into the soft curve of her neck, applying just enough pressure to make her mouth fall open as she releases a quick and very feminine sounding rush of air with the hint of the letter ‘F’ in it.

Whether she meant that as my name or fuck, doesn’t matter, both are good with me.

My mouth goes back to applying much gentler kisses. Eventually, I move my licks and kisses to her ear again where I then drag my tongue along the shell of it before I let my breath cascade down, tickling the moist trail I just left on her skin.

Her body shivers and wriggles against me.

“I’ll take that as a, yes?” I smart back, not at all trying to hide how proud I am.

Lesson three when it comes to real women is knowing that you have the power to make them writhe is a huge turn on. Thanks to Fee’s guidance, I am now capable of driving her crazy, but as my clever girl already knew, that’s a win for both parties.

My lady love lets out the prettiest little laugh when I nip her again. “Yes, Five,” she giggles. “What you are doing feels so unbelievably good. Congratulations, you can consider yourself graduated with honors when it comes to finger fucking and ass humping.”

I know Fee’s teasing me for being so arrogant and because I am literally fucking her butt cheeks, but she does so lightly, while also tenderly running her hand over the top of mine as it fervently works her.

Wanting to mess with her more, I force myself to speak as seriously as possible as I add, “That’s good you are enjoying my latest break of dawn boner on your ass attack, but I’m trying for doctoral level mastery in all subjects ‘getting off.’ So ready yourself, little firecracker, because I am going to be doing major research and it’s starting with documenting all the ways I can hump you and make you cum at the same time.”

Fee’s body starts jiggling again as she starts laughing at me in her delightfully breathless way. I knew she’d get a kick out of more of my jackass commentary, and that’s the point of it. Adding to her already losing it over my usual absurdity, I start passionately rutting my dick up on her like a mindless wild animal.

“See,” I exclaim, “You better hang on, honey. It’s going to get very bumpy.”

“You mean, humpy,” she corrects, still laughing at me.

I love making Fee laugh, she is the joy in my life I never had before.

Since our Christmas weekend together a month and half ago, Fee has taught me plenty about what makes women feel good, and I have been one hell of an eager student for her. I can blame my fervor for all things sex related on my younger age all I want, but Fee is well aware that it’s not just that.

The escapism of her body and the sheer bliss of shutting out all else while in the act of searching for my release is entirely addicting for me. During my first years alone here, it’s the only thing I had that took me away from my suffering. It became a near daily reward system for surviving this hell. Now I still cling to it, but not so much for the same reasons.

Fee is my everything.

She makes me so unbelievably happy every day in the simplest of ways that have nothing to do with sex. That said, feeling my cock slip and slide on Phoebe is otherworldly. So much better than dry humping pillows and harder objects that chaff and dry out much faster when my pre-cum and spit fail me. I tend to prolong my sexual exploits for as long as I possibly can and playing with Fee and her seemingly infinite ability to stay wet for me is fucking great.

I dig my fingers into her slender waist, searching for more leverage as my hips frantically pump my cock against her. Through the sweaty fringe of my hair, I can see Dolores in her chair next to us. Her cheeks are flushed so beautifully from lasciviously watching me take Fee like this. As thrilled as she looks by my valiant efforts to entertain her, I can’t help but notice that she also looks slightly pissed.

Five Hargreeves-Brainless insensitive jerk.

I am sorry. I meant no offense, sweetheart. I like the fact that you are hard and that we have our own special way of doing this. Your smooth, wonderfully cool breasts are still high up there on my list of favorite places to fuck. I’ll prove it to you later if our little red head is down to watch, but right now, I’m a-

“Oh, fuck!” I moan, my forehead pressing against Fee’s neck.

I am about to come already, and thinking about going full freak mode with Dolores while Fee watches, and maybe if I am lucky even joins the fun by playing with herself, isn’t helping reign it in.

Easing back a little, I force myself to push down the growing tension in my belly and the tightening waves of pleasure threatening to burst from my loins. Then I shove my whole hand down lower, pressing Fee’s pubic mound against my palm to keep applying proper fiction while my index finger begins dipping inside her tight entrance.

“Ahh -hha, ya-ye..ssss,” Fee whines so endearingly.

I risk glancing at Dolores again and she offers me one of her warm smiles.

‘That’s it, Five. Just focus on Fee a little longer. I’m not mad that you enjoy this. Don’t worry about me. You know I only want what’s best for you and this is.’

As always, Dolores' encouragement over Fee and I is never ending, and I love her so much for it. I love them both so much, and I know I’m nuts for entertaining all this madness still, but I can’t help it. I still hear Dolores even though now I am not alone anymore. Amazingly, Fee is just as understanding as her, because she lets me get away with this crazy shit too.

Listening to Dolores, I let go of Fee’s hip to further disengage myself. Instead, I latch onto one of her warm breasts, probably too roughly, but she doesn’t complain, so I don’t stop aggressively groping her.

“Baby, I want to fuck these sweet tits of yours so bad. I am going to make a mess of you when I paint your beautiful chest with my sticky seed.”

Fee’s laughter bursts out of her. “Five, you are so freaking cute. I love it when you try to talk dirty.”

“Cute?” I grunt in shock. “I am not cute, and I am not trying, honey. I am dirty.”

Finding a jerking rhythm, of hard, then soft, hard than soft, I show my girls just how I like it, and that I am not ‘cute.’ Knowing that Fee is plenty ready for it, I finally let two fingers plunge all the way inside her, angling them up the way she taught me so I am hitting her right where she can’t help but cry out.

“Yes, Five! Y-e-e-e-s-s-s-”

One of many other lessons about sex I’ve learned is that the build to the finish is over ninety percent the fun of it, so taking it slow at first and upping the level of intensity as you go is key to being a good lover.

Thank you, Fee.

My smile fortifies my words, as I keep up my pace inside her and up my filth factor. “I know just how wet it gets you two lovely ladies when I talk about blowing my load on you, and I love how open-minded you both are of my objectionable behaviors, but it looks like you’re going to have to wait for that titty fucking another time. I am very close, and Dolores is right, you need to come first. Is this going to be enough to get you there or do you want me to fuck you with my mouth too?”

“Fiv-ive-yo-you are fucking mee-ee just fine as you are, don’t you thhhh-ink?” Fee stammers as I slam against her.

“I could do better, honey. I know I can.”

I’d stop humping Fee and dive pussy deep like I said, but I honestly want to be next her, wrapped around her, because this feels like I am actually fucking her, or as close as I can get to it.

Fuck, do I want to stick my dick inside her and make her come with it. With me. I think about it all the time.

It’s not so much that this isn't enough, because it is. It’s just that we can’t do that. We can do everything but that.

Fee had plenty of medical supplies, personal care items, and medicine and other valuable things with her when she arrived here, but no birth control methods of any kind. She didn’t need it.

Since our being together like this, neither of us have found anything in our scavenging that looks like it’s still any good or worth the risk of trying it. Thanks to the nature of condoms being extremely thin latex, they unfortunately did not survive the intense heat of the near atomic blasts. And the birth control pills and other options that we’ve found are always melted in their packaging or destroyed from exposure and moisture.

Like so many things, birth control in the apocalypse is a problem.

Talk of having a child together is something we have only done in terms of getting back to the real world first. Once the world isn’t going to end and we are safe from the dangers of our current situation, then I want nothing more than to someday have a family with Phoebe if we can. Here, the risks are something I refuse to entertain. I can’t lose Fee. Just the thought of something bad happening to her because of complications from a pregnancy makes me sick.

This, what we have, is more than I ever dreamed possible.

“Fee, I love you so much. Come on, fuuu-ccckkk,” I anxiously groan, because I’m almost there again.

I feel her squirming as she searches for anything to ground her. Her small feet eventually end up locked around my own, helping to anchor us both. My fingers keep getting the tell tail sign that her climax is coming because her body keeps tensing around them as her breaths hitch for longer and longer periods.

Letting go again, I pull back enough to take my reddened cock in hand, directing it between her legs to re-wet it. The sensation makes my head feel dizzy.

“Oh fuck, yes, Five ! That’s it, leave it there. Baby, fuck me,” she moans.

Yup, I love the sound of that, but I don’t understand what she wants. I can’t fuck her like this. Not really.

Still positioned with my hips pressed up behind her and my length in my hand that’s wedged up against her delicious wet cunt, Fee begins to tighten her thighs around me.

I pull in a very unsteady breath as I loudly and frantically pant her name. “Fee?!”

My voice sounds so young, so unsure with its higher-than-normal pitch, but it's only because I am totally freaking out.

“Five, it’s ok. Do it like this. We will be super careful.” With my chin resting on her shoulder, I watch as Fee reaches out and grabs her shirt off the table next to her side of the bed. She tightens on me even more, her slender thighs working hard to encase me between them where my cock is now lying as motionless as my hand.

“I don’t-"

I don’t know what to say…

Fee reaches down, dragging my hand away from her heat.

“Fee?” I question again as my tacky fingers fall against her hip.

“It’s okay. This will feel just as good to me as your fingers. Just do it. Pretend you are fucking me, please, do it. I want to feel you like this so bad.”

I want it too.

Fuck.

As if her words are a knife to my throat, I instantly react, pulling back just enough to not slip all the way out of this confined love trap she made in the cavass between her legs, shoving back into her warmth.

And yeah. The feel of her desire wetting me as I slide, her swollen folds encasing me while her thighs tremble from her effort to keep them tightly clenched, it’s…

“Fuck,” I grunt as I thrust faster, making her have to cling to my hands on her hips where I now have them both locked, keeping us latched together.

That’s it.

This is too fucking great.

I can’t think of an objection no matter how hard I try.

It’s not like Fee hasn’t let me run my cock over her sex before, but I have only done it very cautiously from the front for fear of getting even the tiniest amount of my semen inside her.

This… It’s so close, so dangerous, but it’s so damn incredible. I could just slip inside her. I know I could. I can see it in my mind. I know the head of my cock is pushing out between her legs, covered in her love for me, and soon I won’t be able to contain my explosive desire for her as it streams out on the bedding. I’m going to pretend it is filling Fee, and I am very good at pretending.

Thinking about doing that, my body flames with fresh sparks of ecstasy, and I let loose, fucking her as fast as I can.

The increased friction is enough for Fee to dig her short fingernails across the tops of my hands, causing them to sting. Thankfully, even though I’m on another planet doing this, I feel it when her body begins to shudder in that familiar way that makes me so fucking proud every time it happens.

“Ohhh-fff, this feels so fucking-” I growl out as deeply as I can just below her ear as she gives herself over to her orgasm. “Fee, this feels so fucking-” I can’t even finish. I bite down viciously on my lower lip as I rail her, my pelvis absolutely thwacking against her round rosy ass, making the most wonderful kind of sound from our hot and sweaty skin-to-skin contact. “Ffff-"

My back arches and my eyes slam shut as my hips shunt in a very non rhythmic pattern. I am only partly aware of the sensation of Fee releasing my cock from her clamped together legs so she can jerk me through the last currents of utterly mind-blowing fuck tingles that are violently ripping through me.

Once I have some of my brain back at my disposal, I very groggily open my eyes. “That was…fuck .”

Fee laughs as she wipes me clean with her shirt. “Yes. Yes, it was. Another job well done, mon amour. You are the best student ever, but I am not at all surprised by that.”     (My love-in French)

“Ti amo così tanto, prometto che non mi lascerai mai...” I whisper back, shutting my eyes again as I nuzzle my face against her neck. Soon I am falling into one of my many early morning naps while spooning the woman I love. We never even left our bed to start the day, but I'm right where I want to be.   (I love you so much, promise you will never leave me-in Italian),

~~~~~~~~~~

On the couch behind me, I hear the slow rhythmic strum of another cord. I love it when Fee plays like this. Between the soothing sounds of the guitar and the sound of the early spring rain softly pattering our metal roof, I feel so unbelievably relaxed and content.

I know I am not supposed to be happy living life in the apocalypse, but with Fee, I am. I am more settled and happier than I have ever been. I can easily pretend that we are in our own little world by choice, not because we are the only ones left, and I often find that I do and can’t help it. I am just that happy. I am in love with the perfect girl, and she is in love with me too.

I smile as I peek behind me. Phoebe senses me looking and looks up. She smiles back at me as she strums and plucks the strings, effortlessly making a song that is as beautiful as she is.

“My red-headed one, I want to be your everything…” I begin to sing as I fish around in the soapy water looking for another fork that I know is in there. “Fill your plate with me, lick and lap all you want, baby. I am all yours… I want to be consumed by your love…”

My impromptu attempt at serenading my lady love, and calling her by the literal and very fitting definition of her last name, is met with the breathy sound of Fee trying not to laugh at my very stupid lyrics.

I drop my cleaned dish in the drying rack and pick up another, using my cloth to scrub off the remnants of the shockingly satisfying wild mushrooms and rice that we made for dinner. There’s still no major growth outside of any kind, but that’s not stopping my crafty girl from finding all kinds of interesting and safe to eat fungus, or from attempting to start some seeds in the uncontaminated soil inside our green house. Maybe, if we are very lucky, by the time the longer warmer days fully set in, we will have fresh vegetables every now and then.

We love to fight over which will be better, the tomatoes or the cucumbers. Like the immature fool I am, I tell Fee she only thinks the cucumbers are going to better because they remind her of my amazing dick. She tells me I am amazing, but not just because my male parts are very nice. Fee always finds ways to tease me and feed my relentless ego. Finding that delicate balance to keep me in check is just one of her many talents.

Talking stupid and naughty always gets my lady smiling, so I am always going to do it. There is no shortage of love between us or laughs. Food on the other hand is, and always will be an issue for us. Even with the stores of dry things like rice and beans, and vacuum sealed seeds for potential future plantings that were left here, we still worry.

Thinking of food…

I loudly clear my throat, letting Fee know she’s in for another good line. “I want to be your breakfast in bed. I’ll be your food. I’ll run your bubble bath, make you laugh…  Tu me fais voir la vie en rose,” I croon, adding that last bit as French as I can, but even if it's wrong, I make sure to use my best sexy voice I can produce.  ('You make me see life in pink'-meaning, with you, I see life as perfect or through rose colored glasses- a similar line from the song Vie en Rosa.)

“Oh my God!” she sputters. “That’s it, Hargreeves. You are killing me over here. I’m not so sure about this ‘you being my food’ thing that you’re going on about, but in case you weren't already aware of it, you are one hell of a very sexy muse. Come here and let me teach you something new, you big goof.”

More than ready to please my girl, I excitedly pull the plug on the wash basin and aimlessly chuck my rag before bounding over to her. Crashing in next to her on our tiny loveseat, I look over at her with a big stupid smile as I try to suggestively wiggle one eyebrow at her. It’s a total sexy fail, and I know it, but that’s the point. Fee thinks I am irresistibly sexy when I am silly and that's because I am not normally a silly person.

It's all for her.

Another lesson with women, they like it if you are smart, but they don’t need to be reminded of it, especially if it’s in the arrogant, ass-hole-ish way I used to lay on thick for pretty much everyone.

“Teach away, baby. Like I said, I am all yours,” I push when she merely eyes me with that pretty smirk of hers.

When Fee doesn’t put the guitar away, that should have been the first sign she wasn’t planning on teaching me something new in the form of pleasuring her. But it wasn’t because I am a total boner.

Taking my hand in hers, she shifts my arms so that the black body of the instrument is in my lap, not hers. Placing my left hand on the neck, she positions my fingers around it so the pads of each are pressing down on different strings.

“There,” she says, “You are going to learn to play.”

“I am?”

“Yes.” It takes her a second to stop laughing at how baffled I am. “If you can sing, which you can, albeit somewhat more humorously than sincerely, then you can play and sing. They always complement each other nicely and it's fun. You just need to learn a few basic cords and then you can really get my panties wet with your mad skills.”

“I think I am good with having you as my own personal music box, sweet peaches.” I try to hand the guitar back but she pushes it away, shaking her head.

“Nope, you need a healthy hobby other than running all your big fancy numbers, and trying to find all the ways you can fuck me without fucking me.”

“Those are healthy hobbies.," I said defensively. "You said having a big libido was a good thing for a guy my age.”

Fee ignores that valid point as she stuffs a pillow down behind my back, then she pushes herself up so she can snake her body in behind mine. With her chin resting on my shoulder, she wraps her left hand around mine so she can maneuver my fingers how she wants them.

“There, keep that amount of pressure on those positions and bring your right hand down over the strings like this, Mr. Peaches.”

Her other hand lovingly brushes against my side before it finds my free hand, placing it how she means, with my palm flush against the body of the guitar. “Use the side of your thumb for now, and if you find that you like a pick better later, go for it. Anything goes, it’s all personal preference.”

Moving my hand for me, my thumb lightly jumps over the strings, one by one. I am shocked that a sound rings out that is not awful.

Fee kisses my neck from behind which increases my smile. “You know, I only call you peaches because they are my favorite canned food, and they are orange and sweet and they remind me of you. And I really like what you’re doing back there, ginger,” I say, leaning my head back so she is forced to press her lips on me again.

“I know you do,” she purrs, “but I am not orange. That ‘G’ major wasn’t bad, but your nicknames are. With your long, very clever fingers, you’ll be plucking those strings like a real wild West Virginia mountain man in no time.”

“I’d rather pluck your strings,’ I hum right back.

I can feel Fee’s mouth spread as her warm breath dances over my skin, sending wonderful shivers up my spine.

Maybe thinking I am cold, maybe not, within seconds of her focusing her energy on it, the hearth is filled with flames, working their way through the brush and other smaller pieces of kindling I put in there earlier. She didn’t even have to touch it to ignite it, and that is not the only thing she’s setting on fire.

Having her pressed in behind me like this… Yeah. It’s giving me ideas, but then again, so is her hand gently rubbing my thigh.

“Pay attention,” Fee scolds as she fights with my left hand to get it over the strings again.

Once they are placed differently, she guides my right hand again, only this time down, up, down, down, and up, in a different pattern, skipping the lowest sounding string every time. Again, it doesn’t sound bad. It sounds like music.

“That’s a ‘C’ chord. Not the easiest stretch for some but it’s looking easy enough for a very handsome drink of water like yourself. These fingers of yours, Hargeeves-damn. They are so long and useful,” she teases.

“I am slim and long limbed, but I am not attractive or tall, so saying that colloquial expression doesn’t really apply to me,” I correct.

"Wrong. You are very attractive and compared to me, you are tall,” she laughs.

“Only part true," I laugh back.

I am at least two inches taller than my little woman and I love it. I reverse the positions of our right hands. Gently stroking her hand, the strings under her fingers ring out again, but this time, I am pretty sure not in the way they should.

“Speaking of size, and my long, brilliant fingers, things are getting substantially lengthier in my pants the more you press that hot body of yours on me like that. I think we should do music lessons later. Right now, I think you should keep kissing my neck like that, while I teach you how to give me a reach around whack off.”

“Oh, you think so, do you?”

“Uh-huh,” I softly murmur, placing her hand on my leg again, moving it towards my sizable problem just so she’s fully aware that I’m not completely joking. Once her hand is on me, she gets it, and I know she's going to give in to my audacious request.

I can’t help but let my head flop back and my mouth drop open. My lids automatically close as I relish the feel of her touching me even if it’s just over my pants. “Maybe when you're done taking care of me, I can get on my knees, sit you back, and return the favor?” My words come out so incredibly strained already.

“I would love for you to do that, but first you are going to learn two more chords. Then you will be able to play something satisfying right away.”

"This is already pretty damn satisfying," I argue.

To that remark I get nothing, but her hand does keep moving up and down as I shift myself so she can get at my restrained shaft a little better. Being a musician who can do two very different things with her hands at the same time, she fiddles my clenched fingers on the neck of the guitar in a new way even while stroking me. “Try that one,” she commands, with her mouth tickling the back of my ear.

Right hand shaking, I bring it down over the strings again, making a pleasant sound that is a little deeper sounding.

“Good. That’s an A major.” Fee slides her right hand up my torso, bringing it back down inside the waistband of my pants.

“Fuck Fee. This feels so good,” I breathe when I feel the flesh of her warm hand directly on me.

“I know, baby, and you are doing so good. Just one more, I promise,” she says as she holds the head of my cock in her hand, her thumb rubbing back and forth on the underside, causing me to helplessly whimper. I hardly notice my left hand being repositioned as she spreads my pearly seed round and round my swollen tip. “Again, but try to only hit the four bottom strings,” she says, letting her words vibrate along my upper spine. I strum the strings with an even more unsteady hand. “That’s a D chord. We will save the B and several other nice ones for our next lesson. I am proud of you, Five.”

My hips shunt as Fee brings her hand down over my length again. “You are?” I ask in a fresh moan as she runs her hand further south, tenderly fondling my balls.

“I always am,” Phoebe claims, then kisses the back of my neck so torturously slow, in pace with how she’s handling my cock.

My jaw clenches and I force myself to relax. “Honey. You are driving me crazy.”

“I know. Payback's a bitch, isn’t it?”

Dropping my right hand, I push it inside my already stretched sweatpants, clamping my fingers around hers, forcing her to grip me tighter.

“Harder,” I demand as I show her what I mean, working her hand over me at a much more brutal pace. “This isn’t going to take long,” I warn. Like I usually do, my hips start fucking back up into her hand, increasing the feel that I am actually fucking her. “I love you so much, Fee. You are so good to me. Thank you,” I breathe, releasing her so she can get to it on her own. I reach next to me, grasping her right leg, my knuckles going white as my fingers dig into her calf.

“Rrrhhhaa, Ffffffff,” I groan through clenched teeth as my cock slides up and down in her hand at the pace that makes my brain completely turn off.

Fee’s lips caress my skin, moving along the back side of my shoulder over the fabric of my cotton shirt and back up again. “Five, you are one very horny young man, and I wouldn’t want you any other way because you are young, and you have every right to be horny. I love you too,” she says, letting her words softly vibrate my spine again. “Now, be a good boy and set that beautiful present you gave me down before you accidentally drop it. I am about to get really good for you, baby.”   

Holy fuck. I have no idea what chords I just learned, but I know that I will never forget my first guitar lesson.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bent over with my elbows on my knees, I rock back and forth, my heart racing as my fingers yank at my shaggy hair.

"Mother fucker of all fuckers!"

“Five, take a break,” Fee declares over my tenth outburst in the last half hour.

Opening my tightly clamped eyes, I wearily drag them across the yard in her direction. She is lying under the jeep, trying to see if there’s anything she can do about the cracked coil on the left rear tire. She thinks it happened the night she saved me, but since then we haven’t found a part to fix it. That’s not really the biggest problem though, because the thing won’t start anyway. Sitting all winter didn’t help, but Fee is almost certain that's because of a faulty starter, and we have nothing to fix that either.

With my lack of mechanical know-how, I can do little to help her diagnose all our many vehicle problems. Instead of getting greasy with her, most of the last two days of it finally not blowing like mad while the angry sky also dumped torrents of rain on us, I have been sitting outside with her, plunked down in my rusty old chair, swearing up a whole different kind of shit storm.

I can’t come up with anything that even remotely solves the issue of overcoming the indirect curvature of time and the rapid acceleration of energy needed to traverse it. Going forward when it comes to time travel was child’s play compared to going back. It’s all new, never done before math and concepts, and even with all that I know about it and having actually jumped years forward at a time, I am stumped.

“I can’t fucking figure this out,” I yell as I throw my latest scribble filled notebook down on the grass.

Hearing me really flipping out, Fee pushes herself out from under the vehicle and comes my way, stopping with her oily hands on her hips as she squints at me.

After a moment of silence, she reaches for her hat that’s hanging on the arm of my chair, plunking it down on her head so the sun isn't in her eyes. “You know, I can’t figure this shit out either, but you don’t hear me swearing every two minutes. Getting mad is never helpful. Why don’t you take a break?”

I don’t answer. My eyes dart away from her judgmental looking gaze.

She sighs loudly while bonking my foot with one of her sandals, and that makes me feel like I have to look back. When our eyes meet again, Fee gives me one of her sympathetic looks. “You will figure it out, Five.”

“Yeah, you don’t know that!” I bark back.

Clearly not liking that, she throws her hands up, shaking her head at me. “Maybe you just need something else to go on. We could go back to the city. You said the library there wasn’t a total loss. I am sure we can find texts in the ruins that will have some ideas you can use to expand your theories. I know you’ve been stuck on this for months. I am sorry. I know it’s driving you crazy but please don’t take it out on me.”

“We’ve talked about this, Fee. We can’t go. It’s so dangerous back there. And now, with the river flooding out all the roads around here, and the jeep not working, we can’t make it anywhere unless it’s on foot.”

“We can’t right now, but we can make the trip at some point. I know we can make it together just fine. You are acting like walking is a problem, but if I recall, that’s how you were getting around for five years before I found you.” She grins. “Has staying here in our luxurious mountain abode made you scared of getting your hands dirty or opposed to a few blisters on your cute feet? I thought we were saving the role of pampered princess for Dolores. Shall I start finding pretty little charms to decorate you with too? You know, you would look nice in sequins,” she says with a small laugh at the end.

“Real Nice,” I snap. “Why do you always have to act like you have all the answers? When it comes to this, you clearly don't know what the hell you are talking about. I have been in New York, you haven't! You think that your opinion is the only one that matters. It's like you enjoy making me feel like a little kid!

Fee instantly looks taken aback by my outburst, but she quickly schools her features to hide it. “Five… I was just joking. You know, trying to make you laugh and realize this isn't a big deal. I obviously know you aren't scared of hard work or walking. I never mean to make you feel like a child." She pushes her lips out, looking confused. "I am sorry, I didn't know you felt that I did." She pauses again, looking somewhere over my head with a blankness in her eyes before they come back to mine again. "Five, I don't understand. I am just trying to help.”

“Well, it's not funny and you can’t help with this. So just back off and do your thing and I will do mine!”

Her hands slap against her thighs as she pulls a frown at me. “No , I can’t. You are right. I am sorry that math and time travel really aren’t my thing, but I do my best with what I can help with, even if sometimes that’s putting up with your big boy tantrums.”

I cock my head, glaring at her as my shoulders rise with a tick like twitch that makes my growing anger and inability to control it blatantly obvious, which only pisses me off even more because I'm just proving her right; I am being a baby about this.

Leaving here is a very bad idea and every time Fee mentions it or questions how far I am getting with my calculations, my defenses trigger on a level that I am having a harder and harder hiding.

I feel like she’s trying to set me off on purpose, so I yell, “Fee. Just stop patronizing me, okay!”

“I am not doing that! I am just trying to make you realize that getting mad isn't going to help you.” She swallows several times trying to calm herself back down. Her eyes fall on the ground at my feet as she tosses her wrench back over by her other tools. “You know…” She pauses and my narrowed eyes come back to take on her fresh, icy blue glare. “I probably shouldn't say this, but sometimes I wonder if you are confusing the importance of what we have here with the reality that nothing is more important than getting back. There’s no reason we can’t go back to the city. You lived there on your own for five years and you survived. It clearly wasn’t as bad as the burning hot death hole you accidentally strolled into. You’ve got me with you now either way. Like I said, we will both be fine. If there's a chance that going will help you find the answers you need, then it's worth it. You know that we can't stay here forever.”

My eyes go wide as I jump out of my chair and get in her face. “I fucking know that, and I know you saved me! I know you are taking care of me, Fee! Do you always have to remind me of that!”

“That's not fair and you know it, and that’s not what I was saying. Why are you being so defensive? I am just pointing out that it’s okay to go and we should if it will help you figure out your math.”

“Phoebe, I know just how important getting back to save the entire fucking world is. Forgive me if I want to keep you safe and not have to bury another person that I love all because of massive amounts of stupid equations that I can’t figure out because I am stupid.”

“You are not stupid, and I am fine, Five. In case you forgot, I got along just fine without you, so with you I’m hardly in any more danger of death than I was before, and I came to this lovely area all the way from Utah so, yeah… Being mad at me for pointing that out, or not, going to New York from here is nothing. Like I said, we will be fine.”

“You just can’t stop, can you?" I furiously spit back. "I am well aware of how good you are at everything and how I nearly died next to a gigantic crater made by the fucking moon because I am an idiot!”

“Urgg! Five why are you being such a shit? I am not saying that!”

“It's because I am an asshole, remember?”

Fee’s expression softens into something that looks almost pained as her lips slowly part and her eyes crinkle at the corners. “Five, you are being an asshole right now, but I know it’s just because you are frustrated, and you are scared. I wouldn’t do something that could mean that I'd lose you either. Us leaving here together won’t risk that. We just need to watch the water levels and wait a little longer and we will be fine. I know we can find a route into the city and avoid the flooding. It may take a week or whatever for the latest storm damage to run its course but…”

She reaches out to take my hand, but like the baby I am being, a flash of electrical blue static surrounds me as I blink myself a few yards away where I reappear and instantly begin to pace with my head down rather than acknowledge what I just did or what she just said.

I hear her aggravated little huff, but I refuse to turn back and look at her.

“Fine. Whatever. You obviously need some space. I am going for a walk,” she mumbles as she marches away.

Hours later, Fee is not back.

I know that I was being awful, and I know I hurt her. I feel horrible about that and not being smart enough to solve the math needed to make this work. She is right as always. I am scared and I irrationally took my anger out on her. I am just mad that I can’t do this. It’s like when I was young and never good enough no matter how hard I tried.

Fee wasn't wrong that taking a break, or even going to the city to look for texts with ideas I can use, would be a smart plan of action, but no, I wouldn't listen. I yelled at her and blamed her for my own shortcomings rather than owning up to the real reason I am upset and digging my feet in.

I am putting being here with her, where I know we are safe, ahead of everyone else, and it’s selfish. As much as Fee loves me, I know being here alone like we are is not what she wants when she knows there’s a chance we can do something to prevent this. It’s not really what I want either, but I have never had this kind of thing with someone, and I am terrified of losing it.

That all lies on me, and I am being a total fuck head about it, and to her.

No wonder she didn’t come back yet.

I was such an epic asshole again and I hardly have me being an emotionally stunted teenager brought up in a house of equally confused kids as an excuse.

Walking down the gravel road to go after her, I have to constantly jump and dart around deep washouts. The rains that came in the last two weeks have been so bad that we are lucky there is any road left. Even so, taking the jeep anywhere or the bike isn’t looking promising even if we can get the damn things started.

When I get close to reaching where the small mountain stream runs alongside the road, I can already hear it, meaning it’s not a small creek anymore. When I get even further down the road, I am surprised to see it is still raging even though it hasn’t rained in over forty-eight hours.

When I get to the end of the line, which shouldn’t be, because it’s actually still about another mile and half before the road levels out and splits to the north and south along the range, I find there’s no road left as far as my eyes can see. The river swept it away.

Days ago, when Fee and I walked down here together, the road was just a little flooded on one side where the banks had spilled over.

Huge trees and branches sweep past me in the viciously churning water, moving so fast that when they slam up against other broken debris and rocks hidden under the muddy water, they make powerful cracking and tearing sounds.

There’s no way Fee went past here but I didn’t pass her so that must mean that she came back another way and I missed her somehow when I went in the house. Since it’s definitely not as sunny or warm over here, I figure that maybe she's wandering around on the other side of the bluff like she likes to do in the afternoon.

Looking up, I see the sun’s rays illuminating just the tops of the remaining trees that still stand tall, like smooth gray, wind torn monuments to what once was part of a vast wooded range formed over 480 million years old. A chill runs up my arms from the breeze blowing through the pass.

Spinning around, looking at the river again, something brightly colored catches my eye.

I walk over and bend down.

It’s a tiny bouquet of early spring purple wildflowers mixed with a few budded shoots from some kind of tree.

Fee loves finding things like this and bringing them back so she can show me and then proudly display them in the colorful glass vase I found for her that sits on our mantel.

“Fee!”

My shout is swallowed by the much louder sound of the water.

My heart sinks when I think about how she wouldn’t have dropped those by accident or just left them like this.

She has to still be near here.

Full-on panicking, I sprint around, searching the area, calling for her, over and over.

She doesn’t answer.

Nothing looks the same as it did a few days ago and I have no idea which way she would have gone. There isn’t really anywhere obvious to go. One side of the road is butted up to a relatively steep rocky cliff and the other is flooded.

Working my way back up along the winding water’s edge I see something.

Back where I just was, where the road had been, I can see that the soil there is darker colored and freshly disturbed compared to the rest of the embankment around it. It’s like it very recently washed out, eroded by the rushing water, causing it to abruptly collapse and disappear like the rest of the road in front of it already has.

Holding my breath, I come as close to the edge as I can without potentially making my weight cause it to collapse again.

“No, no, no! Fee!” I scream when I see Phoebe’s baseball cap down below, stuck a little way out on a half-submerged branch.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I searched everywhere for Fee. Up and down the river, over and over. Through the woods, miles and miles around our cabin and I found nothing.

Not another trace of her.

Every day I refused to give up hope that she was out there, somewhere. Maybe she was mad at me still and just not ready to come back yet.

All I wanted was for her to come home.

It wasn’t until almost two weeks later, when the river had become nothing more than a lazy stream again that I found her.

She wasn't far from where she disappeared.

A clump of her long red hair was wrapped around a branch laying on the ground, and at first, I just thought she must have got it stuck on there and she had to have cut it off or something. When I tried to pick up the snarl covered wood, I realized it was stuck down because it was attached to something buried under it. Then, as sickness filled my gut, just a few feet away, partly hidden in a tangle of grass, I saw a familiar rainbowy strappy sandal with a foot in it. It was partly encased in the gray clay. Those two parts of her were the only things of color on the dead landscape.

Seeing that... Finally knowing... My heart broke and so did I.

I couldn't see the rest of her body, but from what I could tell, she was there, only twisted in a sick and unnatural way based on where her head was compared to her feet. My beautiful girl was stuck into the dried mud so hard that it took me hours with my bare hands to get her out, but there was no way I could pull myself away from her to go back for a shovel. Even if I did go get something better to break the ground, I would have been too terrified to use it. She was so hurt already; I couldn't risk hurting her even more.

I wanted to die right there with her.

It felt like I did.

It didn’t matter that she was decomposing, or that her body was brutally ruined by the wrath of the river, once I had her free, I held her to me, begging her to forgive me.

As crazed as I was, my fractured mind wouldn’t give me the solace of letting her answer my pleas. Her voice is one I could not conjure but that didn't stop me from trying.

I tried to blink with her to get her back but the first time I landed with her, just up the dried embankment, her body tore apart, and I knew I couldn't go further with her that way.

Like a mindless zombie, covered in dirt and the pungent smell of human decay, I eventually made it back to the cabin. I don't remember that walk or the walk back to her. Near dark, I pulled my wagon up the mountain pass, loaded with Fee's small, battered body in a blanket on top of it. As I wheeled her along, all my mind could do was think about getting her somewhere safe.

Once I finally had her to our home, I couldn’t bury her.

I couldn’t think.

My mind at that point was more gone than it had ever been. I was mad with rage one minute then sobbing endlessly the next.

Days later, with no other choice but to give her dignity, I finally buried Phoebe under an old, dead black ash tree that she had always said would have been so beautiful if it were alive still.

Unable to leave her, I stayed at our cabin for two more months. I hardly ate. I hardly slept more than a few hours at a time, but when I did, it was clinging to her pillow, pretending that the faint traces of her scent meant that she was still with me.

When I left, it was only because I had finally pulled myself together enough to face the horrible world again and because it was the only way I could save her.

That thought alone is what held me together.

Like the day I lost her, I was stuck. Stuck inside myself, stuck with my calculations, and stuck blaming myself for something that I knew deep down Phoebe would tell me was wrong for me to be doing.

She would have said it was an accident. Fee never wanted me to suffer. She always said that none of this was my fault.

But it was.

I know that she went for that walk because of how unfair I was being to her.

She was upset by my behavior, and she had reason to be.

I know the only reason Fee went down to the river’s edge that day was because she was checking to see how bad it was. She wanted to help me and leaving to go back to the city seemed like the best option in her mind.

But, even getting to the city and my library, I remained stuck, unable to perfect the math that I needed to get back. I was trapped there another thirty-eight years, alone except for Dolores. After that, Dolores did all she could do to comfort me, just like she always did. We eventually picked up our old routine, but the reality was, neither of us could ever move on from losing Fee.

Even in my time with The Commission after The Handler came to pluck me out of my hell, I suffered for my sins, just in new ways.

I don’t think I could ever hate myself so much as I did that day I found Phoebe’s body, but as it turns out, almost a lifetime later, I did thanks to my years of killing innocent people all in the name of maintaining the generally accepted timeline for a corrupt space time continuum organization ran by a bunch of creepy manipulative self-serving fucks.

As long as it has been, no matter how many years pass, and how unredeemable I become, I still love my Fee.

For her and for everyone else, I will figure out this mess I've made.

I promised her I would, and I won't stop until I do or until I have no choice in the matter.

No matter what, every single day, I never give up hope that I will someday be deserving of seeing her smiling face again.

Someday...

Chapter Seven: Epilogue (Oblivion Park)

Klaus puts both his hands out in front of him, wiggling his fingers as he concentrates. "Alakazam, ghosties!"

And...nothing.

Our newly alive again ghost whispering brother looks very perplexed at his inability to use his powers, as do all of us.

After the recently resurrected, much less ape-like looking Luther finishes angrily grabbing me by my collar, yelling at me about Sloane being missing from our group, I am forced to tell him I have no idea where she is. He clearly thinks this is my fault and he does not look pleased when I add that she may not even be in this new utopian version of the world our dad and Allison must have created with that little coup they pulled back in the hotel hell that miraculously had been right here a few minutes ago but isn't now.

Everyone is having their own usual meltdowns, babbling on like always about themselves. Then, after zero discussion, other than that we have no powers, and deciding that we are pretty much shit out of luck with what to do about that, they all just start to wander off.

Again, taking another look at my suddenly reappeared severed arm, I shake my head in disbelief. It's nice to have that back, and not have blood all over my brand-new suit, and not be dying but...

Looking up at Lila’s excited expression and Diego’s equally eager look, then the bronze statue of dad’s head, I can’t help my frown.

They are all leaving. After everything.

We almost just got kugelblitzed. Reginald nearly just killed us. He sucked our powers from us like we are nothing more than batteries that he always planned to drain, then he just threw us away, and this is what we do about it? We abandon each other? Have we learned nothing?

Really?

Cursing, Ben disappears the same way Luther just left without so much as a goodbye.

Viktor clearly feels the same way I do about this, and despite him trying to stop them, he is losing his fight to keep us all together, but I shouldn’t really be upset or surprised by that or any of this.

Thinking and trying to understand what just happened and what this means, it dawns on me that we might have actually done it this time.

Well, maybe we didn’t, but Reginald or Allison did. Either way, they never would have reset the world on a course that was going to simply end again in a few days.

That means the apocalypse is over. We are safe. Lila is right. We can start to live our life as we want for once.

I spin around, my suit jacket swinging open from the momentum. It’s just me and Viktor left with our dad’s monument between us.

My eyes widen with realization. “Fee,” I whisper under my breath.

Twisting on my heel, I start picking up pace as I head toward the large stone arch leading out of the circular garden.

“Five! Where are you going?” Viktor shouts, interrupting my racing thoughts and my attempt at a hasty departure.

The heels of my dress shoes grind on the loose stone path as I turn back. “I am going to find Fee.”

“Who?”

“Phoebe Leroux.” Just saying her name out loud makes my heart feel so tight. It always aches when I think about her, but I’ll never stop.

"Who is Phoebe Leroux?"

My brows furrow as my mind goes back to her, remembering.

“Fee is a woman that I have been in love with for nearly forty-five years,” I quietly admit, “and she is someone that I wronged very, very badly.” I pause as I think about the extremely heavy truth of that.

Seeing Viktor looking at me like he has no clue what the hell I am talking about, I find myself laughing even though I shouldn't be. It's like a madness erupting in me that I can control. They know nothing about Fee. Not even The Commission let on that they knew she was with me in the apocalypse even though I am sure they knew. All of this is madness but it's finally over. We are finally free of all of it.

I stride back, meeting Viktor halfway in the shadowy garden. Running my hand back through my hair, I shake my head, trying to think of a way to explain all this.

“I met Fee only once, back when we were sixteen, and I epically fouled up that first brief encounter. Then, as fate would have it, because she had powers like we do, she survived when the ‘moon’ thing went down.”

I try to smile at Viktor when I air quote the moon thing, and that’s because I know full well that he still feels awful about that. My small overture gets him to return one of his very awkward looking grins.

Placing my hands back in my pockets, I continue explaining. “Phoebe was there alone in the apocalypse too, and she found me and saved me when I was about to die because I’m a never-ending arrogant asshole. That bright moment on my list of many happened five years into that hell. Her saving me is what ultimately got us all to this point, so I guess, in a way, she’s the one that saved everyone. She is the bravest, most caring person I have ever met, and I love her.”

“You mean you weren’t alone all those years?” Viktor looks utterly confused and even more floored by my explanation. “I mean, other than Dolores? I know you were with her and all that, and she is very real to you but…” he tries to clarify. “I am sorry, that’s not coming out right at all,” he apologizes, his pale cheeks flaming.

I smile at my brother’s embarrassment over my lifelong romantic relationship with a mannequin. I can’t exactly blame him for still being weirded out about that. “Don’t apologize, you have no reason to, and yes,” I say with another laugh. “I was with my loving Dolores for the entirety of my time in the apocalypse, but there was a short time when we weren’t alone. For eight months, seventeen days, ten hours, thirty-six minutes and give or take forty-nine seconds we were madly in love with a very special, very real woman.”

“Where’d she go?”

My somewhat manic smile evaporates as I think about what happened.

“We had a stupid fight about me being stupid. Fee went for a walk to give me space to calm down and get my shit together.” I have to stop to swallow the lump in my throat. “I messed up and I let her down. She didn’t deserve that from me, not after everything.” The lump comes back, but I speak through it, my voice cracking just a little. “There had been storms for weeks, and…” I look down at my shoes. “She drowned,” I simply say because I’m unable to say more.

“Oh no, Five! That’s-”

“That was a long time ago,” I quickly add, cutting him off, trying to let Viktor know he doesn’t need to say anything. I don’t want him to.

This is why I never told any of them. One, because everyone, including myself, were too wrapped up in their own things and jumping through time and fucking everything up, but it's also because I didn’t want them to know. If they did, it would just be one more thing I have to explain about my dark life that is too hard for me to talk about.

Something feels different now though. I want Viktor to know. Memories of Fee playing her guitar and me telling her about my siblings fill my mind with warm loving nights cuddling next to her by the fire, me talking with her for hours, back when I was happy.

The Handler was right. We all want happy.

A small smile tugs at the corner of my mouth when I remember telling Fee of how my sister may not have had powers like us, but she was a very kind and passionate and proficient musician that I knew she’d get along with famously because they were actually very similar in many ways.

Avoiding that same person I had long ago told Fee about and their wide eyed, very concerned gaze they are giving me, I look around again, checking out what I can see of the city skyline peeking out over the tall, groomed hedges. Slowly I count in my head the days since when the apocalypse should have ended all this.

Fee would have caught a flight this morning out of Salt Lake City. Based on the time, she is supposed to be performing at a location not that far from here.

“I have to go,” I say as I start walking away.

“What are you going to do, Five?” Viktor asks.

“I need to deliver a long overdue apology.”

“But if the apocalypse didn’t happen and you guys never met again, how’s she-”

“It doesn’t matter if she remembers what we had,” I say, interrupting him. “I still owe her an apology.” Viktor just stares at me with his big brown eyes looking so lost, so I find myself saying, “I just need to see her again. It’s been so long and I…”

I can’t even begin to say how I feel, so I don’t.

Viktor stuffs his hands in his pockets the same way I have mine. “Well, if you want company, I would be happy to come with you for emotional support,” he offers.

“You mean like my wingman?” I correct him with a knowing smile.

Viktor isn’t like the rest of them, ready to leave everyone behind and never look back. He has never been that person. As his older brother, this time around my instinct to take care of him is stronger than my desire to figure out how to save the world and that's because it is figured out. No more apocalypse, that's all that matters. All this has me thinking that doing what my girl taught me, showing a little more heart, and by doing so, letting him be my ‘wingman’ isn’t a horrible idea.

Viktor nervously laughs. “Yeah, I guess I mean like that. This woman sounds pretty special, maybe you can hope for more than just a chance to say you’re sorry. If she forgave you for whatever happened between you two when you were sixteen, and she fell for you once before, then maybe she will again. You are only a few years younger than you were. You're technically legal, so maybe that wouldn’t be too…” He nervously laughs again, and I can’t help but join him.

I am physically eighteen instead of fifty-eight thanks to accidentally fucking up a decimal placement in my math so yeah… At least I'm legal as he so nicely just reminded me, then again, Fee is five years younger, so...

“Yeah, maybe…” I agree with a smirk, thinking about what Phoebe would have to say about all that and my nerdy, even more boyish appearance than what she had to deal with the first time. Looking back over at my brother, I nod. “Well Viktor, I think I’ll take you up on that offer, if you’re willing to be my emotional support sibling, I’ll take it. Clearly, I can use all the help I can get.”

Viktor nods back, probably unable to come up with words to express his shock over my rare show of maturity and willingness to admit so openly that I need someone.

As my brother and I silently start walking out of the garden the same why the rest of our family vanished, we begin to take note of all the strange new buildings that weren't there before, especially the fact that nearly half of them appear to be owned by none other than Sir Reginal Hargreeves, the alien ass lord who is responsible for stripping us of our powers and for us being here.

Moving down the sidewalk heading towards the busy downtown, I know I should be more concerned about all that, but my old broken heart in my new young body races as I let myself think about Fee and all the possibilities a woman like that can bring to a broken man’s life if she’s willing.

She saved me once before, so maybe, just maybe, she will open her beautiful heart to an old crazy wretch like me and do it all over again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Link from a special request scene extension from the point he found her.

Thanks to all who read this one. ❤️

Master Post List to all my Five Centric Stories and Art

Link to visit me on AO3

Link to my other posts on Tumblr

[neewtmas]

12 days of Christmas // A Lockwood & Co Advent Calendar

DAY 2

Happy 4th of december! Today I'm posting a fic, and it's a Lucy x reader one. I feel like there are wayyy too little Lucy x reader fics, and I want to do something good for everyone with a crush on Lucy hehe. I wrote the fic with a fem!reader in mind, but there is literally zero description/pronouns, so it can be read by everyone.

I hope you enjoy!

I'm so sorry it's technically a day late I forgot it in my drafts

day 1 day 3 day 4 day 5 day 6

The Letters I Never Sent

pairing: lucy carlyle x fem!reader/gn!reader

wordcount: 2.3k

summary: You are Lucy's closest friend, but move to London before the events of the Mill. You don't hear from her for a long time, until you meet her again by chance (I promise it's better than this description lol)

masterlist

advent calendar tags: @givemea-dam-break @wellgoslowly @maraschinomerry @losticaruss @oblivious-idiot @uku-lelevillain @avdiobliss @strawberryloveyyy @strawberrycowgirly @demigoddess-of-ghosts @thefriendlyneighborhoodmomfriend @boookfreeak

You tried to smooth out the piece of paper that you had carelessly stuffed into your pocket 20 minutes ago. It had a list of different supplies on it, written in the scrawly handwriting of your supervisor that the wrinkles in the paper just made even more illegible. You knew for sure that you needed new saltbombs, so why not start there? You made your way through the tall shelves, each one filled with all kinds of different ghost-fighting paraphernalia. When you turned around a corner, you finally spotted the salt bombs you were searching for. As you started loading them in the bag you brought, you saw movement in your peripheral.

A girl dressed in blue was browsing the shelves just as you did minutes prior, and you only glanced over for a second before resuming what you were doing. But as she disappeared behind the shelf it hit you like a ton of bricks. That hair, the outfit - you knew her. Forgotten were the salt bombs, and you almost dropped the bag as you rushed over to where the girl just stood. You skidded around the corner and came to an abrupt halt as you came face to face with her. She gasped and took a step back, but when she took a closer look at you, her eyes widened. "Y/N?" It was her. "Lucy!"

This time you dropped the bag of saltbombs and without thinking, moved forward to hug her. At the last moment, you hesitated, not sure if it would be even okay with her, but the next thing you knew she had enveloped you in a bone-crushing hug. You buried your face in her hair, taking in the familiar scent you had missed so much, and you stayed like that for what felt like a few seconds and an eternity all at once. When she released you and took a step back again, your knees felt a little weak.

"Y/N, how have you been?!" Her gaze fell on your grey uniform and her brows furrowed a little. "Are you working for Fittes? You never told me!" You bit the inside of your cheek. That was true, you never told her you worked at Fittes. You never told her anything, for that matter. You thought of the pile of unsent letters you had buried in the corner of your least used drawer at your small apartment. You mentioned Fittes there. But there were other reasons why you had never dared to send these letters up north to Lucy. You shrugged. "They were the only ones that would take me. It's not that easy without a grade four." Lucy smiled bitterly. "I know."

You took a closer look at her. The outfit she was wearing didn't correlate with an agency you knew. But she was wearing a rapier - and you currently were in a shop for ghost hunting supplies, for that matter - so she had to still be in business. "Are you a solo agent now?" You couldn't help your mind immediately wandering to the both of you fighting ghosts together. For her, you'd quit immediately. Lucy shook her head. "We're a pretty small agency. Lockwood & Co? We've been in the papers a few times." You rarely read the paper, but even then the name rang a bell. "How are you doing there?" "It's great. Lockwood and George are… we're like family now." You could tell she meant it from the way her eyes lit up when she talked about them, but you couldn't ignore the tight feeling in your chest. Just some time ago, she had said that about you and Norrie.

BEFORE

You walked over cobblestones that slowly turned into a dirt road, hands clutched together. You had walked that street more times than you could count, and thinking about how this might be the last time made your heart hurt. When you reached the small house of the Carlyle's, you knocked on the door, and almost immediately it flew open to reveal Lucy. She grabbed you by the arm and pulled you inside. "My mother is gone right now", she said, and you let out a breath you were holding. Mrs. Carlyle was… unpleasant, to say the least. It pained you to know that you got to leave this town and Lucy was stuck here with a mother that saw her as nothing more than someone to earn her money.

Lucy's room upstairs was warm and cosy, and the both of you made yourself comfortable on her bed. You let your gaze travel over all the photos pinned to the wall over her bed, pictures of the both of you together, with Norrie, some of you alone. Lucy turned on her side so that she was facing you. "Are you excited for London?", she asked and started tracing the pattern of your sweater on your arm. That was something she had started doing some time ago, and you were still not used to it. "Yes", you croaked out as you stared at the ceiling, desperately trying to ignore the feeling of her gentle fingers. It was quiet for a moment. You didn't dare look at her. "I'm gonna miss you, you know", Lucy finally said, voice just above a whisper. You finally turned your head to look at her. Her eyes sparkled with tears in the warm light of her bedside table lamp and you swore she had never looked prettier than in this moment. It took everything in you to not lean forward and kiss her senseless. There was no reason to ruin your friendship now. Instead, you forced yourself to turn your head back, tears now prickling in your eyes as well. "Well, I'm gonna miss you more." She scooched over, closer to you, and rested her head on your shoulder. Without a word, you wrapped your arm around her and closed your eyes, soaking in the moment.

You were still thinking about her as you watched the meadows flow past the train window. To think that for the longest time, moving to London had been your biggest dream, and now you had to try your hardest to find even a spark of excitement in you. Your dream had always involved Lucy and Norrie. The three of you were supposed to move down there together. But now your aunt died and had left you a small apartment in London and your parents had more or less just kicked you out.

The next few months you spent working for Fittes, every morning coming back to your apartment that felt empty and cold with just you in it. You were writing a lot of letters. Some to Norrie, most to Lucy, none to your parents. But you didn't send any of them. Until the day your supervisor handed you the daily newspaper with a pitiful expression and you had to read about how all your old colleagues had died in a tragic accident. Everyone, except Lucy. Your supervisor sent you home that day and told you to take some time off. You cried on the way home, and when you arrived at your apartment, you sat down at your desk and wrote a letter to Lucy. You never received an answer.

TODAY

You smiled. "That sounds great. I'd love to meet them sometime." You had to know who it was that she had replaced you with. Lucy checked her watch. "You can come join us for dinner tonight." She cleared her throat. "Just if you want to." "Yes, of course! I wouldn't miss it." Lucy smiled brightly at you. "Fantastic. I gotta go now. 35 Portland Row, at six?" She hugged you again, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek. "I'm so glad to have you back", she whispered in your ear before she stepped back, giving you a little wave and walking off. You didn't know how long you stood there, frozen in place, the feeling of her lips lingering on your skin.

At precisely six o'clock, you stood in front of 35 Portland Row. You rang the bell, and a few seconds later the door opened. In front of you stood a boy, taller than you, but about the same age. Weirdly enough, he was wearing a shirt and tie, and you briefly wondered if you were underdressed. But then Lucy appeared behind him, in the same blue outfit she was wearing earlier, and you relaxed a little. The guy smiled politely, extending his hand to you. "I'm Lockwood." You shook his hand. "Y/N." The three of you stood for a moment before Lucy opened the door wider. "Come in! Dinner is almost ready." You stepped past Lockwood into a hallway that was filled to the brim with stuff. Much of it on the wall looked like old artefacts, while the floor was littered with shoes, bags, salt bombs, and a single rapier. Lucy kicked it to the side. "George is in the middle of a deep clean", she mumbled, a little embarrassed. But you didn't mind, it was cosy. You could already start to understand why Lucy liked it here. It felt more like a home than one with Mrs. Carlyle in it ever could. Luy led you to the kitchen, where the table was already set with four plates. The guy on the stove gave you a slightly awkward smile and introduced himself as George. You sat down on the chair that Lucy offered you and your gaze fell on the table cloth that was covered all over in drawings and notes. You immediately spotted some of Lucy's sketches.

The stew George had cooked tasted fantastic. The atmosphere was nice, conversation flowed easily. You talked about how your first few weeks in London went back when you started at Fittes, and Lucy told you the story about how she ran away from home and ultimately ended up at Lockwood and Co. After dinner, Lockwood and George busied themselves with the dishes, while Lucy led you up a few staircases to a room in the attic. When you climbed the last little steps up into her room, you could immediately tell it was her she lived here. It had the same cosy atmosphere as her old room. You sat down on the edge of the bed, clasping your hands in your lap.

Your eyes travelled around the room, over to the sketches hung up on the wall next to the window. Finally, you took a look at the photographs above her bed. There were photos with Lockwood and George, of course. But there were also photos of Lucy and you, and of you alone, several of them. Lastly, your gaze fell on a photo of Lucy, Norrie and you. Your throat closed up as you looked at the bright smiles and happy faces. You'd never get that back.

"I'm so sorry about Norrie", you said quietly, not looking away from the photo. "I should have stayed." Lucy had laid down on the bed behind you. "You couldn't have done anything. I couldn't either." Her voice was full of so many emotions, anger, grief, sorrow, and regret. You clasped your hand tighter, fighting back the tears. "I sent you a letter", you said. "Afterwards." Lucy was quiet for a moment. "Do you wanna lay down?", she asked, and without thinking, you curled up next to her. That position was so natural for you, you had spent so many hours like this - and you had no idea how much you had missed it. Lucy moved so that her head was on your shoulder. "I left a few days after it happened", she said quietly. "My mother probably threw it away."

"Oh." A small part of you was relieved. You thought maybe she had thrown it away because she hated you for leaving her behind. "I thought about you a lot after you left", Lucy said and started tracing patterns on your arm. Heat rushed to your face at her words, and you tried to calm down your heartbeat that had picked up at her touch. "I thought about you too", you said with a hoarse voice. "I wrote you so many letters." Lucy turned her head up towards you. "Really?" You tried to ignore how close her face was to yours. "I sent none of them", you admitted. "Why?" You could tell from her tone that she was hurt.

"I was scared", you simply said. Lucy didn't say anything, and you could tell she was waiting for you to continue. "I wrote about…" You trailed off. Maybe this was it. Maybe this was the moment you'd confess your feelings for her, and she'd either throw you out of the house and would never want to see you again or… But no, you didn't allow yourself to get your hopes up. Instead, you slowly moved your hand over next to hers so that your fingers were touching, just to gauge her reaction. You half expected her to pull away, but instead, she interlaced her fingers with yours. "You wrote about what?" She was looking at you again, and just like that, you forgot how to speak. "I -" She moved impossibly closer. "Yes?" Your heart skipped a beat. "Can I kiss you?", you breathed out, almost inaudible. She squeezed your hand, smiling up at you before she leaned in. "I thought you'd never ask."

Thank you for reading, feedback is appreciated :)

Here is part 1 of the advent calendar

[mania-sama]

if you need me, dear, i'm the same as i was

Homesick - Noah Kahan

➼ 02 - motherfuckers here still don't know they caught the boston bombers ❧ Information (Summary, Tags, Chapters) ❧ Previous Chapter ❧ Next Chapter ❧ Word Count: 2,593 ❧ Cross-posted from Archive of Our Own

[1 Missed Call at 3:43 PM] [1 Missed Call at 3:44 PM] [Issei] Is Oikawa okay [Issei] Are you okay [1 Missed Call at 3:47 PM] [Issei] Sorry youre probably busy. Call or text when you get the chance

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THE KING RETURNS!!! @walterwhitevans The Olympic gold volleyball match??? I’m horrified and confused what is going on??? 0 Resposts 0 Quotes  5 Likes  0 Bookmarks

madison @maplefalling4 Pretty sure Tooru Oikawa, the Argentina player who collapsed, had a heart attack. Nobody knows why or how because hes a healthy athlete. The physical trainer from Team Japan performed CPR on him. Don’t know what was going on with him after though. It looked like shock but I can’t be sure. 0 Reposts  0 Quotes  2 Likes  0 Bookmarks THE KING RETURNS!!! @walterwhitevans Ohh okay. I was just hate watching because the US got knocked out so early, I didn’t expect anything like this to happen? I hope they are both okay :( 0 Reposts  0 Quotes  1 Like  0 Bookmarks

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[Takahiro] issei and i saw everything live. are you okay?? we’re worried [1 Missed Call at 3:45 PM] [Takahiro] answer the phone [1 Missed Call at 3:49 PM] [1 Missed Call at 3:50 PM] [Takahiro] please hajime [1 Missed Call at 3:52 PM]

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[Video Thumbnail Description: A large volleyball court with male players kneeling on either side of the net. One man, an athletic trainer, is leaning over another man, a player, with his hands on the player’s chest.]

[Video Description: Six minutes and twelve seconds. Video starts. Two teams of men, separated by a net, play volleyball in a large arena. Two men commentate the game in English. The ball goes back and forth over the net. Eventually, one player jumps up for the set but spikes the ball instead. At the same time, an athletic trainer on the other side of the net runs onto the court. The commentators wildly exclaim. The trainer grabs the player and screams in Japanese. The player collapses into the trainer’s chest. They both go to the ground, where the trainer starts to perform chest compressions. Both teams kneel. The men and women on the sidelines move hurriedly. The trainer performs mouth-to-mouth, then chest compressions again. The commentators are quiet and confused. Paramedics arrive with equipment. The trainer performs mouth-to-mouth again. The trainer and the paramedics load the player on the stretcher. The trainer is approached and surrounded by the player’s team. The trainer leaves the team and heads to his own team. He looks at an object in his hand before putting it in his pocket. He joins the team. His knees buckle and hit the ground. His team surrounds him, shielding him from the view of the cameras at every angle. They guide the trainer out of the arena. The commentators speak confusedly. Video ends.]

Star volleyball athlete Toru Oikawa from Team Argentina suddenly collapses from heart attack, Team Japan athletic trainer performs CPR | NBC Sports NBC Sports     Subscribe 10.6M views  17 Hours Ago  #ToruOikawa  #NBCSports  #TeamArgentina  #TeamJapan …More

4,681 Comments Add a comment…

@brentysolosonfn • 15h ago that shit was CRAZY. i can’t get over the fact that the JAPAN trainer saw it first and not anyone from the argentina staff. like don’t heart attack symptoms start showing weeks in advance? i know somebody from argentina is getting fired bruh 28.3K likes   Reply 209 replies

@1brniyu • 13h ago Wow… A heart attack can really happen to anyone. I pray Oikawa has a swift recovery and can return to playing. He is a truly talented man. 38K likes   Reply 300 replies

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[Takeru]¹ i know u haven’t talked in a really long time, but thank u for helping my uncle. idk what id do if he died [Takeru] thank you.

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farminginsparta reblogged blorbo-central blorbo-central okay i swear this isn’t a racism thing, but you know how the japan trainer had that freak out after doing cpr on oikawa? well, is it possible they knew each other before all this? like maybe they are friends or smth. he certainly didn’t react like that when his own team’s player fell. farminginsparta You can’t just assume all Japanese people know each other blorbo-central YOURE GONNA TELL ME I’M CRAZY??? i keep rewatching it and i’m getting more and more certain that they are friends or were friends or something more. that trainer had eyes on him from the MINUTE they stepped out onto court. and he was on the court before anyone else was to save him. AND he had that meltdown (when he should be perfectly fine to do cpr like that). i swear on my life and future babies that i’m right!!! farminginsparta This is pretty disrespectful to the people in the situation to speculate like that. He’s just had a heart attack and you’re concerned about his relationship with another man? And the athletic trainer may have just experienced his first life-or-death scenario. Typical Tumblr user behavior

#Have some decency #This is unbelievable but expected from the hellsite 74 notes

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[1 Missed Call at 6:00 PM] [1 New Voice Mail]

[Audio Description: Forty-seven seconds. A female voice politely asks for an interview. She leaves her contact details.]

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r/Olympics

u/LilacSweatshirts The Argentina Player and the Japan Athletic Trainer DO know each other (or at least did at one point) 9 Awards I’ve been seeing all the ruckus online about what happened during the Olympic volleyball gold matchup and got curious. I didn’t know anything about these people until now (I don’t really care about volleyball in general. I only ever turn on the Olympics for background noise, and I certainly didn’t see this incident occur live.) But because I apparently have little else to do with my time, I went on a deep dive.

I started with the Argentina player Oikawa Tooru first because I thought I might be able to find something about his past medical history that would cause a “sudden” heart attack like this. According to this interview from 2013, he states that he had a complex knee injury and corrective surgery during high school. He doesn’t feel any pain anymore in it unless he goes out of his way to “provoke it”. He also says that he wears eye contacts. I don’t know how bad his eyesight is, but from the photos I’ve found where he is wearing glasses, the lenses don’t seem to be insanely thick or anything. He’s been pretty open about his struggles and with mental health in recent years (this article is quite good. He reposts a lot of mental health awareness stuff on his socials too.) But there’s nothing about any heart problems, asthma, or even a history of drug or chemical abuse that could lead up to this problem. The heart attack seems to have come out of nowhere.

Because he talked about high school, I wanted to know where he went. I thought he was from Argentina and was just first or second generation, or had moved here when he was younger, like me (born in Argentina) to England, so I was curious to see if I would recognize the name of his school. Hey, maybe we even went to the same primary school! I didn’t know. Well, turns out he emigrated from Japan in 2013 and became naturalized as an Argentinian citizen in 2016 (he posted about it on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook). Whatever posts he had from his life in Japan, he must have since deleted. Though his accounts are a few years older, his posts start pretty much the day he arrives in Argentina. He does have posts from 2016 with Hinata Shouyou, a player on Team Japan, since they apparently played beach volleyball together for a while in Brazil. He still likes some of Hinata’s tweets and posted a Tiktok with him a few days before the gold matchup, so I assume they are still friends. Unfortunately, Hinata doesn’t start posting on any socials until he meets Oikawa in Brazil (his first tweet literally says Oikawa made the account for him, and his Instagram post is the sun setting on the beach with Oikawa tagged) so I hit a dead end there.

Considering he’s an immigrant, I figured that if he was picked up by not only a pro team in Argentina but also the national team , he must’ve had some insane high school stats. That means lots of information should be floating around somewhere online. I found several articles on Japanese volleyball sites (never knew how popular the sport is over there until now) that talk about Oikawa’s feats. That’s how I found out he went to a high school called Aoba Johsai (also referred to as Seijoh). Their colours are teal and white, so it’s kind of iconic that he came to Argentina. I found this magazine² where he had a featured interview during his last year of high school. I translated all of it through Google, so I don’t know if everything I got was absolutely correct, but from what I gathered he really was crazy good. I also found a few uploaded volleyball matches. I won’t link them, but if you want to watch them, just go to Youtube and search “Aoba Johsai/Seijoh 2010-2013 Volleyball Tournament Matches”.

Since I got his high school and those articles, I was also able to get the names on his team’s roster. The only name that’s important to this topic though is Iwaizumi Hajime.

As some of you may already know (though most don’t), Iwaizumi Hajime is the athletic trainer for Team Japan who saved Oikawa Tooru’s life. From what I’ve been able to find, they did play together for every year of high school.

Then I got curious about Iwaizumi himself. He graduated at the same time as Oikawa, but he didn’t go to Argentina or anything. He actually went to Tohoku University as an undergrad, then went to grad school at the University of California in the States and interned under Utsui Takashi.³ This was actually pretty easy to track because he has two published dissertations regarding sports medicine. I skimmed the second one (because it’s in English) about how mental health can affect the physical health of athletes. It’s pretty good, honestly, especially for it being in his (presumably) second language. He’s a brilliant guy. After graduating and completing his internship, he worked as the primary athletic trainer for the pro volleyball team Tokyo Great Bears, then became the athletic trainer for Team Japan.

I haven’t been able to find them interacting with each other on social media at all. They both follow some of the same people, like the previously mentioned Hinata and Jose Blanco (volleyball coach for Team Argentina), but I think that’s simply by coincidence since they don’t follow each other. Curiously, Iwaizumi follows a good amount of people from his high school team still, but not Oikawa. He seems to be closer with the other third-year players based on his likes, responses, and reposts. But, Iwaizumi doesn’t post all that much on social media in general. His last post was on Instagram with a picture with Team Japan from a couple months back. He’s been tagged in a few photos and tweets from the players on various sites, and was in a Team Japan TikTok, but that’s pretty much it. Again, he has stuff with two of his high school teammates in his same year, but Oikawa is never talked about nor featured.

To tie this all back with the Olympics last night: It seems to me that many of those on Team Japan know Oikawa a little better than any of the other teams in the Olympics simply by chance; most of them played against him in high school. I seriously doubt Iwaizumi and Oikawa kept in contact since high school or were ever even closer than teammates/classmates. They probably don't even like each other (based on the social media situation.) But Iwaizumi is the only one who actually played with him in his formative years, so I guess that’s worth something. I imagine that saving someone you once knew as a teenager is a very harsh and traumatizing ordeal, no matter how long it’s been since you last saw them. Man, if I had to save one of my old classmates like that… Even the ones I didn’t like, I don’t know if I’d be able to sleep for a couple nights.

TL;DR: They played high school volleyball together, and I need a more social hobby.

Edit: Thanks so much for the gold! I saw that Kageyama Tobio (player for Team Japan) released a statement on his socials stating that he played with Oikawa in middle school. It’s been cool to see all the Japanese players wishing him well. Nothing from Iwaizumi, though. 409K upvotes  38.4k replies

u/WaxpoeticTome Batshit crazy behavior, but also very impressive. I expected nothing less from the Internet 36K upvotes  7.2K replies u/Jumbo_JC_L 1 Award They played together in middle school, too. https://www.kitagawadaiichi.org/championships/2008/volleyball/ 112K upvotes  10.1k replies

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[Keiji] Hey, if you ever want to talk, we can meet up or you can give me a call. No pressure if you don’t want to. Just want you to know that I’m here for you.

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teamargentina

[Image Description: A male volleyball player from Team Argentina lunging forward on a court. His face is tilted upward to the volleyball in the air. One arm is extended and his other is caught moving backward. He is ready to serve the ball. The edges of the image are faded to white.]

567,882 likes teamargentina   Tooru Oikawa is a beloved player on our Men’s National Volleyball Team. After achieving the winning point in the final set and bringing home the gold medal for Team Argentina, he collapsed from a coronary heart spasm. He is recovering in the amazing care of the Olympic Village hospital staff. May we all congratulate him on winning gold and wish him a swift recovery. #TokyoOlympics View all 743 comments bryanverden0907 May God Save Him 🙏🏻🛐

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he’s recovering fine. please don’t make the trip up here. I’ll bring your son home. we will see you soon, I promise.

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[Video Description: Twenty-one seconds. Video starts. The camera is focused on a team of men in blue and white as they knock the volleyball over the net. It cuts to the team before the camera switches to the other side. They knock the volleyball over, and it cuts to the same team again. Two English announcers speak loudly over the muted audio of the game. The English announcers yell loudly in excitement at a play while the opposing team’s athletic trainer runs onto the court. It cuts to a close-up of the athletic trainer holding a player’s shoulders. It cuts again. The video darkens and blurs slightly. The audio silences and the sound of monitored heartbeats takes over loudly. The trainer presses down repeatedly on the player’s chest in slow motion. It cuts intermittently as he performs mouth-to-mouth. The heartbeat ends. The remaining sound is a heart monitor flatline. Video ends.]

mrblesnimop HE’LL BE OKAY GUYS TRUST (they are both so freaking attractive oh my god) #volleyball #vball #tokyolympics #2020olympics #oikawatooru #edit #olympicsedit #fyp Original Sound

3,674 comments

coco they are both SO attractive oh my god- 4h   Reply                4.8k likes — View 800 replies

sasukesleftfoot They way I'd give myself a heart attack so that man would give me mouth to mouth ohhhh 1h   Reply                3.9k likes — View 516 replies

¹ Originally, this was supposed to be Oikawa’s older sister. However, she is unnamed, and therefor does not get to be in this LMAO.

² In this magazine, u/LilacSweatshirts found out that Oikawa’s favorite food was milkbread, and his personal motto was: “If you’re gonna hit it, hit it ‘til it breaks.” They thought this was funny.

³ I don’t actually read the manga, so when I was skimming through the various Haikyuu Wikis, I interpreted his time in America during his 2nd year of higher education to mean he was touring the campus and doing interviews with his prospective internship boss rather than him actually attending the university itself. Thus, we have this fic with Iwaizumi attending for grad school rather than a regular undergrad program. This makes more sense to me with the way the American education system works.

Author's Note:  i went back to the first chapter and changed how long it's been since oikawa and iwaizumi last spoke. it's eight years, not nine, because they graduated in 2013 and not 2012. i'm a fucking idiot.

[aropride]

i have been deeply appreciating ur TGI posting and was wondering what ur fave songs off of it are !! - mare

HI MARE im free from academia for the day (FINALLY) so i can answer this yayayaayy

as of right now. and this is in album order And im about to list off like a good third of the album sorry in advance but: only girl living in la, dog years, letter to god 1974, letter to god 1983, darwinism, lonely is the muse, and life of the spider

first of all. only girl living in la is an INSANE way to start an album. Like i knew i was absolutely in for it seeing the track list and that we were Starting with a 6 minute long song i was like Oh she loves me specifically she knew id been tormented by songs that are 2 minutes long for too long. i dont think ive ever finished the first song on an album and been, like, scared to listen to the rest of it before (good thing)

dog years. i canteven say anything yet Like theres no words. probably one of my favorites out of my favorites

letter to god 1974 and letter to god 1983 are twins to me. (well triplets shoutout letter to god 1998 no disrespect to my girl its just the first two are my faves personally) Thank u halsey for addressing the "wanting to get really sick so people would pay attention to you" to "getting really sick and it turns out people kinda dont gaf if ur in ur 20s about it" pipeline

hometown- is anyone else trying so hard to escape their hometown or is it just me and halsey and gerard "i know im never getting out of belleville" way. also i love her voice on this one

darwinism- i was reading it as being about physical disability but apparently she said it was about neurodivergence either way is anybody else feeling ostracized from the rest of society or is it just me and halsey out here

lonely is the muse- INSANE FUCKING SONG vocally lyrically musically everything. when i found out there was gonna be a Whole Album and lonely is the muse was on it i realized i was going to die.and then i did. <3

life of the spider- i knew there was a tori amos song on the album and the one tori amos song im really familiar with is me and a gun so of course i was terrified .and i was right to be. love a song i cant listen to without having a panic attack one of my favorite genres. insanely haunting song i cant really listen to this one casually yet or possibly ever i have to like sit down and prepare. this morning i saw a spider in my bathroom and started crying. tomorrow more of the same. "favorite" not in the way where i listen to it a lot favorite in the way where i can barely listen to it at all

also one more thing i feel like in general the album is organized very well does that make sense. like the songs are in a specific order that is good and makes sense. only girl living in la -> ego -> dog years -> letter to god 1974 is an insane run of songs generally let alone first on the album but also it like. makes sense why theyre in that order. also darwinism -> lonely is the muse -> arsonist -> life of the spider i can say the same of. like yeah thats the exact order those songs should go in. this is really not a Shuffling Album to me at ALL theres a specific order they all go in and i really like that Bc half the time These Days it feels like everythings so focused on having 2 minute long songs with 15 second clips that blow up on tiktok that its always nice to have an album thats like. Ok thankgod they actually give a fuck about this and its not optimized for social media analytics

thank u for reading My essay ^___^<3 u sent this 5 hours ago when i was working on my school stuff and i waslike oh thank god i get to talk about music later. A little treat for meeee to rewind and such.And then immediately i wrote A lot of sentences but, like, for fun this time so it counts as Rewinding

[charmingsoa]

■ Gunslinger ■                    Ch. 5

✶ Jax Teller/OC multi-chapter story ✶

🀰 Taglist available🀰

(TW: Mentions of rape, physical abuse) 

@cindsvibes​ @sweet--catrastrophe  @stephv213  @itspdameronthings​ @neverland14353​​  @sweetdispositionsss​ @fandom-oneshots-etc​ 

My eyes shot up once I felt the weight fall onto my body – his gloved hand slapping onto my mouth in order to keep me silent. The shadow from the streetlight giving the room enough glow to see the man’s features. I tried to scream, hit, and kick – only making the man more furious. With each blow that came from his fist, my willpower shrank more and more. I could feel his hand run down my body, pulling at my flannel shorts and underwear. His voice was that of a young man – somewhere in his early 20s – sending shivers down my spine as he spoke. His lips forcing themselves onto my body as I laid there, tears pouring from my eyes. The last time this happened was the night I left Alabama. I told myself that I would never let someone put me through a situation like this. Yet, I was powerless. His assailant stood off to the side, a gun pointed to my head as his partner raped me. I recognized the gun toting man right away – he was there the night Georgie stopped me in the parking lot.

“Carter – sweetheart – you need to tell us who did this to you.”

I watched as Jax paced the wooden floor behind Wayne – his ringed fingers threading through his hair. Unser arrived about 30 minutes before Jax – his eyes widening once he saw me on Tig’s couch. “I don’t know.” I muttered.

Unser let out a sigh, “Anything, darling. Can you tell me anything – maybe what they were wearing, if they had any ink that you could recognize, anything at all?” Tears fell as I shook my head.

What was the use of saying anything. The worst thing that could happen is that they would be arrested and then bailed out within hours due to lack of evidence. I already refused to go to the hospital. I wasn’t going to have the staff at St. Thomas look at me with pity and then even question if I’m telling the truth. I fucked people on film for a living – the damage inside of me had been done a long time of ago. Plus, I sat in the shower for over an hour before attempting to drive to Tig’s. As soon as I knew they were gone – I locked myself in the bathroom – tearing my clothes off and stepping under the scalding water. I’d already been through the whole rape kit exam – I didn’t want to go through the process again. I was supposed to be strong – I made myself out to be this strong woman, a bitch at times. I did this so people wouldn’t mess with me or my child.

I watched as Unser spoke with Jax, their eyes glancing towards me at times. I felt like a lion in a cage. Everyone kept looking at me, asking if I was okay. I would say that I was fine – breaking down seconds later. I knew they all meant well but I wasn’t fine. I was putting on a front that kept falling after every response. Georgie Caruso had broken me…

I spent the night and the next couple days at Tig’s house – too afraid to go back to my own. Jax kept asking me, almost forcing me at one point to stay with him but everyone knew where Jax lived. Georgie could have his men posted outside of Jax’s house, thinking that would be the place I felt most safe. I hadn’t seen Madison since earlier that day – my heart breaking each time she asked when I was picking her up. I couldn’t have her see me looking the way I did. No kid deserves to see their mom with their face busted and bruised. Jax had filled Gemma and Clay in on what happened – Gemma stopping by each day after dropping Maddie off at pre-school. I had become a hermit at this point – I showered 3-4 times a day, scrubbing my skin until it was raw. I could still feel his hands and lips on my skin – the contents of my stomach coming up each time I thought about it. I wasn’t eating. Each noise scared me. Luann was blowing up my phone but I couldn’t have her seeing me this way either. Georgie not only broke my soul but he took away my livelihood. Sure, I had sex with people on screen for a living, but I couldn’t stand someone touching me now.

“Baby, you have to eat.” Gemma pushed the bowel closer to the edge of the table.

I sat curled into Tig’s couch, only moving when I needed to use the bathroom. Gemma had shown up, receiving a call from Tig asking her to make sure I was okay so he could help Jax with some things. Jax had remained distant. My built-up anger going head-to-head with his rage a couple nights ago. He had shown up before Tig was back, trying to get me to tell him anything. I shied away at first but I became angrier the more he pressed. Minutes later we were at each other’s throats, words that we surely didn’t mean being thrown at one another. Even though he was the club’s VP, Tig basically threw him out of the house. I could hear Jax’s anger through the windows as he vented.

“I’m not hungry, Gemma.”

She sat there for a moment before hastily taking the bowel away, her heels clicking against the wood. I flinched at the sound of the ceramic cracking in the sink – Gemma letting out an exhausted sigh. She took a moment to collect herself before walking back towards the couch, sitting on the edge of the cushion. “Carter-“Her voice calm. “Darlin, you can’t keep doing this to yourself.” I glanced at her. “You went through something that a woman should never have to go through. You have every right to be frustrated, angry, and sad. I know you and I don’t see eye-to-eye on most things, but I love and care about you, sweetheart. You remind me so much of myself but you have something that I could never have.” She slowly grabbed my head, her thumb streaking the dry skin. “You have the courage and strength to get through this. You have a gift from God – that little girl is gonna give you the strength you need. She needs her mother and we both know you need her.” I wiped away the tears that fell. “You can bounce back from this – you can show those fucking bastards that you aren’t afraid. I know it’ll be hard but you have me. You have the club and Luann. Carter, you have Jackson. Let him help you too…”

I found the courage to leave Tig’s house a few days later. My heart pounded as I got closer to my house – flashbacks of the awful night searing through my brain. I needed this though. I needed to get back to who I was before. My daughter deserved to finally be home. Gemma and Tig helped me with my bags, Tig making sure to go through the house before I entered. The house was still intact – myself being the only thing damaged. I slowly made my way into my bedroom, the clothing from that night thrown on the bedroom floor. Spots of blood shown on the carpet – left over as I hurried to the bathroom.

“You okay, darlin?” I jumped at the sound of Gemma’s voice. “Shit, I’m sorry.” I brushed it off as I stepped further into the room. The pictures of Maddie that I had sitting on the night stand were thrown on the floor – the glass busted from the beautiful frames. The bedspread and sheets were hanging off the bed, blood stained and ruined. My breathing sped up as the thoughts returned. The flashbacks telling my brain a story – the sounds of their grunts as they forced their bodies onto mine. The way they tried to sweet talk me only to turn around and say things that no woman should be told. The way they laughed as I laid there – helpless and destroyed.

“Mother fucker!” I pulled at the sheets, yanking them off the bed in a fit of rage. The lamp that sat on the nightstand was the next victim – the tiffany glass shattering as it collided with the wall. Tig’s boots stomped up the stairs as he looked on with Gemma. I took a seat on the bed, my head pooling into my hands as I cried. Maybe it was too early to be back. Maybe I needed an extra day or week before coming back here. I wouldn’t be able to look at this room – this house – the same way again. “Maybe you guys should leave.” I looked at the two. “It’s about time to pick up Maddie anyway.”

“I’m not leaving you hear alone, Carter.” Tig’s voice holding strong.

“Anita can pick her up.” Gemma spoke next. “We can’t leave you like this Carter.”

I wiped my face, a chuckle slipping past my lips. “I’ll be fine.” My eyes locking with theirs. “I’m just gonna clean up a little and make sure everything is set for when Maddie comes home.” They looked at me confused. “I’ll be okay – you guys have babysat me enough and you need to get on with your lives.”

It took them 20 minutes to finally leave – both having me assure them that I was okay before they left. I waved them goodbye before the smile I held dropped, closing the door behind me. I walked back to my room, pulling the suitcase from the closet. I took my time pulling the clothes off the hangers, emptying the drawers, folding everything as neat as possible. I made sure to grab all the important documents from the top dresser drawer before moving into Madison’s room. Her clothes joined mine, grabbing the toys she loved the most before I started loading everything into my car. I bought the house when Jax and I separated – a house for just Madison and myself. It was the cutest little house – right out of a magazine. I didn’t have to worry about neighbors or the traffic from the main road. My daughter was able to safety play in the front yard – even spending the night under the stars during the summer if the weather allowed. This home was to keep her safe but it no longer felt that way.

I gave the house a once over before reaching into my pocket – feeling the small matchstick between my fingers. I walked over to the sink, the crumpled papers staring back at me. Taking a deep breath - the stick was lit – the orange flames slowly rising.