#if you haven't read everything up through 2020

[daconfusedbanana]

My Fanfiction Recs: Korrasami

In 2020, I watched The Legend of Korra. (Fun fact: it helped me realize and accept that I was bi! So the show has a special place in my heart.) Crazy enough, I started reading Korrasami fanfiction the same year. For the next three years I devoured the fanfiction, and so the following list is an accumulation of my favorites. I think I've read enough to say these are some of the best. Though I haven't been into the fandom lately, I didn't want this old list to go to waste in case anyone was hunting for some good Korrasami reads.

Actually, I discovered some of my favorite stories through Tumblr blogs and am immensely grateful for those posters for sharing their lists. This is my way of paying it forward. Hope someone can enjoy these like I did.

I divvied these up in a way that only made sense to past me. Linked the Ao3 in titles. (You might have to be logged in to see some of these.) I tried to add some commentary for each. Also, I highlighted the ones in blue I really recommend you to read, though I do think everything here is worth a read! Without further ado, here is my compiled list of (Korrasami):

fanfics (that are actually quality)

beautiful prose & the feels

The Everthere by guileheroine My favorite one of them all. I would argue this is one of the best fanfics, if you like a cozy and character-driven read. You really get into Korra and Asami's heads and moods. Slow burn but so, so worth it. I've read this one three times.

Nightmares and Daydreams by Dispari It's been a while since I read this one, but I had a note saying this is "maybe my 2nd fave". Similar tone to The Everthere.

it’s such a gorgeous sight to see you in the middle of the night by badkids This is on almost every recommendation list I've seen. For a reason. College AU. Some angst but a whole lot of fluff and some humor and of course, dorkiness. Another cozy read. The title is from that The Cure song and is also one of my favorite lyrics ever.

like broken thunder by neurolingual Camp counselor AU. All of this writer's works are amazing. They truly have a gift for writing beautiful prose. This time, it's Asami pining for Korra, a different perspective from most fanfics.

I don't remember these as well, but I do remember them being very good and well worth a read. (I know I reread some of these.) And I haven't seen some of these on other lists, so I guess there are some hidden gems in the mix. Some shorter parenthetical notes here.

this winter, you're here by camphollstein (Modern AU. Asami POV. I think Asami was the one pining here. I also liked the family feels.)

all the choirs in my head sing, no by lupine (Canon AU. Short and cute.)

waiting for my chance to come by badkids (Sequel to it’s such a gorgeous sight to see you in the middle of the night)

if these sheets were the states by neurolingual (canon, sad with happy ending, pining/yearning, oh also Asami Pining)

be a girl like any other by neurolingual (grocery store au)

these little moments that lead me to you by raininthesea (quietly beautiful writing)

meet me at the rooftop's edge (at 3 am) by raininthesea (college au)

Out of the Woods series by ariadnerue (canon if I recall right? very feels)

One on One by paxbanana (canon. Asami Pining!)

Auld Lang Syne by aizia (modern au. how to tell your best friend you love her on new year's.)

Prison My Eyes by wreckofherheart (beautiful, canon divergence between books 3 and 4)

unique story

The Honeymooners by hellorhogwartsfics Honestly, should fall under the above category too, but the story really stood out. It was a wild ride! Modern AU. Asami is a jilted bride and her best friend Korra is there for her to take the place of her husband for the honeymoon. I'm a big fan of this author's humor too.

Brittle Wires by golari This was such a unique AU and I thoroughly enjoyed it! Maybe my 3rd fave. The way they wrote Korra and Asami here was so unique. Their interactions are subtle but meaningful. I'm also a fan of nerdy Korra and a secretly pining Asami. It shows the work as unfinished, but it's complete since the author was just thinking of adding an Asami POV chapter.

and you lift me up in a wave of love by overnights (Surfer AU, this one gave me a warm feeling I recall. Read it if you like the beach and sand. And rock.)

Maybe by selftaughthuman (Beautiful one-shot, feels, set in Boston)

Permeate by contronym (Mechanic AU, 2nd person POV, lil cliché but beautiful prose makes up for it)

humor!

An odd category, I know. But some of these really made me laugh out loud, all snorting and uglylike. Enjoy.

All These Lines Are Blurring by hellorhogwartsfics Vegas AU baby! I laughed so hard I cried at times. Opal is amazing here. I've read all of this author's Korrasami works.

Quick Bright Things by LadyRavenEye Oh, this one was absolutely wonderful. Do not skip the footnotes, that's where the humor is! Fake marriage AU. Both are oblivious.

p = mgh (potential) by the_oreo (another damn college au, crack lol, frivolously fantastic)

Paradiddle by bazaar (marching band au, very fluffy)

Sato, #22, Shooting Guard by MidoriAkiko (I don’t remember this much, but it’s slapstick funny. some angst tho. slow burn like most on this list)

fluffy and light-hearted

Direct to Video by Emirael (another college au, so much damn fluff)

Company by golari (both are nerds! cute and informative)

Time for You by AnotherShotofBourbon (soulmate oneshot, dorky)

cooler than the flip side of my pillow by camphollstein (FLUFF also literally)

Absolute Beginners by ReneeMontoya (college au! pining)

That's it! There's a lot more great ones out there, but these were just ones that personally stood out to me. I also wanted to highlight some lesser-known ones and give them some love! Hopefully this list was useful to some soul out there craving for some good stories about our girls. Happy reading! :)

[seeingivy]

chat not to get emotional but this blog has literally changed my life

TW: mentions of SA/manipulation so read at your own discretion!!!

so random, but i've been making a lot of emotionally charged posts on the dash lately - about how sad i am and how i'm going through one of the hardest periods of my life as of late. i'm so grateful to all of my sweet moots who have reched out to check up on me, you are the sweetest and give me lots of strength 💌

i've been writing fanfiction for over a year now and it was something that sparked into me around a year ago out of nowhere. i went through periods of reading fanfiction when i was a kid and most notably read aot/jjk fanfiction in 2020 during quarantine. for some spur of a reason, in april of 2023 i decided to make a tumblr account and post the very first taylor as gojo one shot which was speak now! the blog very quickly became such a powerful outlet for me to have a voice, when i had been feeling voiceless for such a long time.

i went from writing silly little stories i could think about from getting so serious and earnest with feelings and lessons that i've learned in this little life of mine -- with method acting and bsfs older brother sukuna taking the crown of me putting every hurt part of myself out there for people to read and relate to. the feedback and responses that i received on those fics were so validating and healing for me to read, from having experienced those things myself to knowing that what i made out of that was not only worthwhile for me, but for someone else.

long story short, i've had a few things happen in the course of the past month that reminded me of the guy who sexually assaulted me when I was eighteen. I was dating him at the time and he took advantage of many things, most of the "the lore" chapter of bsfs older brother sukuna just being full truth and zero fiction. as insane as writing it all out there was -- quite literally writing myself my own comfort -- it empowered me to do what i haven't been able to do in three years. today i finally took that step and was brave enough to call him and tell him what exactly he was that it did to me.

and it was so liberating. i've held onto this pain for three years, let it become such a deep part of me, while deep down knowing that my life wasn't meant to be a punishment like eren said in method acting and that at the end of the day, it was just cruel. plain and simple. like sukuna says in bsfs older brother sukuna.

i've been able to let go such a big part of my pain because of this blog,- because people have supported what i write and made me feel brave about embracing what happened to me.

all and all, i'm on the come up. but in the meantime, thank you for everything you've done. this blog and anyone who has read, interacted, or followed will always be so so special to me. <3

[batbabydamian]

Hey, I started reading Robin son of Batman because of your recommendation (I literally have a print of your post on my phone to not forget lol). Honestly? One of the best things I ever read!!!

Thank you for opening my eyes! Damian has been one of my favorite characters for over a year, but I didn't read/watch much of him because of school, life (and probably an executive dysfunction in the mix).

Maya is incredible. I loved her.

I haven't finished all the issues yet, but do you have any other recommendations?

WAH this makes me so happy, i'm glad you still gave it a shot even with how busy life is!! ;v;

i’d love to give reccs, and i’ll try to go a beginner friendly route! tbh you can pick up whatever here, but since you've read R:SOB i’d immediately follow up with Batman and Robin (2011) #1-8! this first arc is what’s referred to in Maya’s introduction, and it's just. so good.

Main Books

Batman and Robin (2009)

Dick as Batman with Damian as his Robin!

#20-22 Tree of Blood: Dark Knight vs White Knight arc is done by Tomasi and Gleason, the team for the next Batman and Robin series

*Batman and Robin (2011)

Bruce and Damian figuring out their relationship as both Batman & Robin and father & son

imo you can enjoy the ride and read straight through this but i’ll add context to avoid as much confusion as possible since there’s the occasional tie-in or offscreen events, like Damian’s death nbd

Batman Incorporated (2012) #1-10

events leading to Damian's death - affects Batman and Robin (2011) from issue #18

kind of a tough read especially with how Talia's written, but a lot of iconic bits like Batcow, Damian's vegetarian declaration, Alfred the cat, "We Were the Best, Richard."

Robin (2021)

another self-discovery adventure, particularly after Alfred’s death and a fallout with Bruce (and questionable writing choices from his last Teen Titans run)

Batman and Robin (2023)

currently ongoing! after a number of events, Bruce and Damian are back as a duo

Damian Dynamics!

Batman: Streets of Gotham (2009) #7, 10-12

arc where Damian meets one of his first Gotham friends, Colin Wilkes

Batgirl (2009) #5-7, #17

Steph and Damian dynamic! "the bad cop, worse cop" dysfunctional duo

Red Robin (2009) #13-14

early Tim and Damian dynamic that of course includes fighting haha. funny enough, accidentally my first intro to Damian LOL

Teen Titans (2003) #89-92

Dick!Batman has Damian join the Teen Titans. Start of Damian and Rose Wilson dynamic that’s extended in Robin (2021)

Batman: Gates of Gotham (2011)

Damian meets Cass and has a brief team up

Gotham Academy (2015) #7

Damian meets Maps Mizoguchi! they have a few other meetings, but outside of that the series itself is a great read!

Robin War Event (2015)

Robin War (2015) #1, Grayson (2014) #15, Detective Comics (2011) #47, We Are Robin (2015) #7, Robin: Son of Batman (2015) #7, Robin War (2015) #2

Duke and Damian dynamic! not exactly beginner friendly but these are the main issues in order for the event! you can also read the TPB version for everything including Tie-Ins

Nightwing (2016) #16-20, #42, #43

#16-20 Nightwing and Robin arc!

#42 Dick on a mission to save Damian! the one appearance of "Wiggles" the dragon

#43 Dick, Roy, and Damian team-up

New Talent Showcase 2018 "Catwoman: Pedigree"

Selina, Damian, and Alfred the cat

Batman: Prelude to the Wedding - Robin vs. Ra's Al Ghul (2018)

Selina, Damian, and Cheese Viking - Damian's fav game shown in Nightwing: Rebirth (2016)

Monkey Prince (2022) #1-4

Marcus Sun Shugel-Shen's main comic, but Damian features as a fun dynamic here before they're in more serious circumstances in Batman VS Robin (2022)/Lazarus Planet event

Superman (2016) #10 - 11

the beginning of the Super Sons! featuring Maya!

Super Sons (2017)

solitary arcs but there’s a few event tie-in issues later

Adventures of the Super Sons (2018)

literally more Super Sons adventures lol galactic shenanigans yeehaw

Challenge of the Super Sons (2020) 

Super Sons time shenanigans feat. the Justice League

Robin 80th Anniversary (2020)

"Boy Wonders" - brief Damian feature as Tim considers his next step in life

"My Best Friend" - Jon's thoughts on Damian and their dynamic

"Bat and Mouse" - refers to Damian's unfortunate Teen Titans (2016) run at the time of release which follows up with Teen Titans Annual #2 where Damian briefly gives up Robin

Extra Comics!

Superman/Batman (2003) #77

Kara and Damian in a Halloween team-up! also the appearance of "Li'l Matches" lol

DCU Halloween Special '09 "Cavity Search"

Damian out on a solo mission for Halloween night. Immediately after is Tim's Red Robin story "Then and Now: Our Father's Sins" which is more somber in contrast but also a good read!

DCU Halloween Special 2010 "Robin the Vampire Slayer"

a Dick!Batman and Robin story featuring the vampire Andrew Bennett

Cursed Comics Cavalcade (2018) "The Devil You Know"

Halloween themed comic with a sweet short story of Damian alongside Solomon Grundy

DC's Terrors Through Time (2022)

"Trick or Treat" a Super Sons Halloween story

"The Haunting of Wayne Manor" Damian and Deadman story - in the end, Boston kinda refers to Nezha's possession of Damian in Batman VS Robin (2022) which was happening at the time of this release

Batman: Li'l Gotham (2013)

lighthearted series that instantly makes me smile with the silliness and Dustin Nguyen’s art i love this dearly

Secret Origins (2014) #4 "A Boy's Life"

a retelling of Damian's origin story

Detective Comics (2016) #1001-1005

Batman and Robin vs the Arkham Knight (unrelated to the game)

Truth & Justice (2021) #6/#16 - 18 Digital First version

cute story of Damian’s birthday! Juni Ba’s art is so fun!!

DC Festival of Heroes: The Asian Superhero Celebration (2021) “Special Delivery”

short story about Damian! and poisoned pizzas. completely forgot the artist Sami Basri drew Rebirth Damian here before catboy Damian lol Cass’s story “Sounds” is also cute! Marcus makes his first appearance in "The Monkey Prince Hates Superheroes"

DC VS Vampires (2021)

Damian makes appearances throughout this elseworlds book, but the one-shot DC VS Vampires: Hunters (2022) is vampire Damian-centric!

Batman: Black and White (2021) #5

“Father & Son Outing” short story written and drawn by Jorge Jimenez!

Batman: Urban Legends (2021) #20-23

#20 “My Son” Talia and Bruce focus

#20 - 23 “The Murder Club” 4 Parts

Tiny Titans (2008) #33, #39, #45, #47

a few appearances but SO CUTE, LOOK AT HIM

*Batman and Robin (2011) reading guide

i'm mostly trying to avoid the "what did i just walk in on?" kinda feeling when i first started reading comics LOL i'll list the comics where events take place, but you don't necessarily have to read them to go through this book since things are usually explained as quickly as possible in the first page or so

#0 Someday Never Comes

Talia and baby Damian before he grows up to meet Bruce

#1-8 Born to Kill

just an incredibly solid arc for Bruce and Damian!

#9 Court of Owls Tie-In Issue

Damian VS a Court of Owls Talon. While Bruce is occupied with a home invasion of Talons, Alfred makes a call for allies to protect targeted Gotham public figures from Talons. During Batman (2011) #1-11

#10-12 Terminus

Damian challenges the previous Robins sans Steph

Batman Incorporated (2012) is occurring at this time where Talia has placed a bounty on Damian and there's small mentions of that

#13-14 Eclipsed/Devoured

mostly solitary arc! end of it leads into the Death of the Family event

#15-16 Death of the Family Tie-In Issues

Damian and Joker face-off... Alfred's been kidnapped by the Joker, and Damian goes looking for him. During Batman (2011) #13-17

#17 Life is but a Dream - Death of the Family Epilogue

a sort of subconscious check-in through the dreams of Damian, Alfred, and Bruce. Nightwing (2011) #17 features Damian encouraging Dick after Death of the Family events

#18 Undone "Requiem"

Bruce dealing with Damian's death from Batman Incorporated #8

other reactions to Damian's death: Dick in Nightwing (2011) #18, Tim in Teen Titans (2011) #18

#19-23 Denial, Rage, The Bargain, Despair, Acceptance

Bruce through the stages of grief with some batfam appearances in each. also introduces Carrie Kelley into continuity as Damian's acting tutor.

Batman (2011) #19-20 also addresses Bruce's loss

#23.1-23.4

these could be skipped - villain stories, also related to Forever Evil event.

#24-28 The Big Burn

optional Batman and Two-Face/Harvey Dent arc, #23.1 is part of this story!

Damian's resurrection and return

#29-32 The Hunt for Robin

Ras took Talia and Damian's bodies from their graves, and Bruce goes after him.

-> Robin Rises: Omega

continues events from #32. if you don't want to jump to this, basically, Glorious Godfrey and a bunch of parademons from Apokolips are here for a chaos shard which Ra's put in Damian's sarcophagus. at some point, Bruce gets a hold of the shard where he sees a vision that leads him to believe Damian can be resurrected. Godfrey ends up taking the shard, along with Damian's body since it was emitting the same energy.

#33-37 Robin Rises

Bruce hellbent on retrieving Damian from Apokolips and reviving him

-> Robin Rises: Alpha

necessary to read and continues events from #37! Damian's back with a bang lol

#38-40 Superpower

Damian adjusting to having superpowers and being alive again

Annual #1 2013 Batman Impossible

sweet (and funny) one-shot of Damian sending Bruce on a meaningful scavenger hunt around the world while Damian gets to be the cutest Batman for a bit

Annual #2 2014 Batman and Robin: Week One

one-shot takes place during Damian's absence. after Bruce and Alfred find a mystery gift left for Dick, Dick recounts a story he had told Damian from his Robin days.

Annual #3 2015 Moonshot

one-shot Batman and Robin adventure on the moon!

...and of course after Batman and Robin (2011), Damian's story continues in his first solo Robin: Son of Batman (2015)!

[just-elena]

I'm sorry if this has already been shared to Tumblrverse previously, I scrolled through #threshold day but didn't see it.

ANYWAY

The vagina museum has a say to this sacred occurrence, so there.

Text:

A very happy #ThresholdDay to all who celebrate. If you haven't yet read our analysis of whether Janeway and Tom Paris fucked when they were lizards, today is the perfect day!

OLD THREAD REPOST

On 29th January 1996, "Threshold", the Star Trek: Voyager episode where Captain Janeway and Tom Paris turned into giant space newts and had babies first aired. Since it's #ThresholdDay we aim to answer a burning question: did Paris and Janeway fuck? If so, how did they fuck?

In attempting to answer the question as to whether Janeway and Paris fucked, and how they did it, we're going to mostly focus on salamanders, because the weird space amphibians they become are often described as "salamanders" and they look kinda like salamanders.

The first thing you need to know about amphibians is that they don't have genitals per se. As amphibians, Janeway and Paris had cloacas: a multipurpose hole for pee, poo and reproduction.

Salamanders are interesting because different species employ different strategies for fertilisation. Some use external fertilisation: Janeway plops her eggs out, Paris fertilises them. Some practice internal fertilisation, which we'll get onto later.

If Janeway and Paris engaged in external fertilisation, they would have undertaken a manoeuvre called amplexus. Tom Paris would have come up behind Captain Janeway and embraced her with his forelimbs. They would position their cloacas close together.

When Janeway released her eggs, Paris would have released sperm over them. Amplexus can last for hours.

Essentially, Janeway and Paris went tantric.

However, most salamanders don't do amplexus. Fertilisation would happen inside Janeway's body before she laid her eggs. This isn't achieved by penetration. It's much weirder.

If the fertilisation was internal, Tom Paris would have deposited a parcel of sperm called a spermatophore, and then Captain Janeway would pick the package up with the lips of her cloaca to take it into herself.

That sounds reasonably contact free, right? So why are Janeway and Paris so embarrassed about what happened at the end of the episode?

Welp, there's a lot of courtship rituals which would have happened before Janeway picked up Paris's cum parcel with her pee-poo hole lips.

Salamanders court: it's in Tom Paris's interests to make sure Janeway chooses to pick up his package of sperm. Salamander courtship typically involves seduction and dancing.

Tom Paris would have wafted pheromones at Janeway, and then the two of them would have engaged in some dance moves, first with Paris turning round to deposit his sperm package, then Janeway turning to pick it up.

In some salamanders, the pheromone exchange is as simple as Tom Paris fanning his tail at Captain Janeway so she can get a whiff and get in the mood for collecting his sperm package. Sometimes it's a bit kinkier.

If they took a lead from Desmognathus, Paris would drag his teeth down Janeway's neck and back while releasing pheromones, getting his horny chemicals straight into her bloodstream.

If they took a lead from Plethodon shermani, Paris would slap Janeway's snout.

Ultimately, there would have been seduction, close contact dancing, tail straddling and possibly a bit of kink. So that's presumably why Janeway, Paris and pretty much the entire Voyager crew are absolutely mortified and the entire sorry interlude is absolutely never mentioned again.

At the end of the episode, human again, Paris apologises for the salamander sex but Janeway points out that in many species, the female initiates the intercourse. Is that true?

In general, the way salamander sex is talked about, the male is doing everything he can to persuade the female to pick up his spermatophore. He's the active one and the female is passive. A 2020 literature review suggests this is not the case: the female is an active participant.

Ultimately, Janeway was probably quite right in admitting her responsibility in having salamander sex with her pilot, and that she *chose* to pick up his little parcel of jizz and have his space abomination babies.

Thank you for reading. We're sorry.

/end text

Source: the Vagina Museum official Mastodon account. Original thread here.

[lhazaar]

hey. i'm turning my chair around and sitting in it backwards now because i want to speak specifically to people with ocd. this is a targeted post and is not meant to apply to the userbase of this website at large or to serve as a policy decision.

hi. do you know what scrupulosity means? it is a strong, intense, often painful concern about morality or religion. it's very common for religious people with ocd, actually—the fear that you've sinned, that you will sin, that your thoughts themselves are sinful. you're afraid of being an evil person. every thought and feeling you have is scrutinized to exhaustion in case it's proof that you're evil. this also happens for non-religious people with ocd, it's just that ours will look different; it's often a preoccupation with social justice issues. you care a lot about being a good person, right! most people do. you want to be a good person, you want to be kind to others and to dismantle oppressive systems where you can. i'm making some assumptions here, but they're based on my specific audience base.

so, there's this thing that happens online, especially on tumblr and twitter—not because bluh bluh platforms bad, but because of the ways in which information is propagated on here. people used to tag for these posts sporadically but don't do so as much anymore. you know posts that exhort you, the reader, specifically, to take action? they tell you not to look away, not to bury your head in the sand. they tell you to give and to agitate and to donate time, money, resources.

those posts used to make me intensely, deeply anxious. i don't mean mild agitation, i mean life-ruining, day-occupying panic that seizes your entire body, and thoughts that don't leave your brain. guilt that paralzyes you because you, personally, cannot go kill the politicians responsible. you don't have enough money to do more than donate a few dollars, and sometimes you don't even have that. but because of where you live, because of the fact that you have internet access and you're literate enough to read these posts, you know that you have a level of privilege that most people never will. you're aware of that privilege because you're reasonably in-tune with social justice movements and you've probably spent some time dissecting your own privilege to examine your biases. (that's not a bad thing; i'm not here to condemn that. stay with me, if you can.)

there's a thing that can happen if you've lived with ocd like this for a long time where you become kind of incapable of telling what's addressed to you personally and what isn't. everything feels like a personal exhortation. you have trouble saying no, or knowing when you're overextended, because other people have it worse. how dare you enjoy relative comfort when people are being bombed or drowning in a climate change -induced flood or being crushed to death in a crowd panic. how dare you not be aware of it at all times, always, constantly. how dare you look away. don't look away.

i want to tell you about something i went through, if that's okay. a lot of people who follow me will already know this, but i haven't talked about this aspect of it very much publicly. in 2020, while visiting my partner in southern oregon, we had to evacuate from wildfires twice in under 24 hours. that was a really, really bad fire season, caused and perpetuated by a combination of global climate change and colonialization practices that destroyed traditional indigenous fire management strategies across the west coast of north america. fires stretched from bc to california. we wound up fleeing south, and then had to flee back north again, hemmed in on three sides. i flew back home to bc shortly afterwards, and i have this vivid, awful memory of seeing my home mountain range, the cascades, choked out with smoke from the window of an airplane. the woman in front of me sobbed the entire time until we touched down.

i remember thinking at that time that it was insane the entire world wasn't stopping. what i was experiencing was apocalyptic in scale—the fire we ran from the first time was part of a complex that chewed up entire towns. it wasn't the first fire season, nor the worst for the continent, nor the world. but all i could think in the moment was why aren't we doing anything, this is going to be all of us in a decade, why are people looking away.

if i had gone online and posted that, it would not have been morally wrong of me. there's no ascribing morality to a reaction like that. i mean, if i'd gone to someone who suffered in the years prior in australia or california and told them that ours was So Much Worse, that would have made me an asshole, but i didn't do that. i made some upset facebook posts targeted at the trump voters in my family, but i had no way to express at the time the sort of clawing panic of WHY AREN'T PEOPLE DOING ANYTHING??

the answer to that, which you probably know, is: what would they have done? we were sheltered by friends we evacuated with, but what power did a mutual in new york or wales or singapore have to affect a wildfire in oregon?

so, come back to the present day with me again, if you will. i said above that posts worded like this used to make me really, really anxious. in the span of time after the fire, i developed ptsd, and my ocd ruined my life. i took an extra year to graduate after i'd finished all my coursework because i could not send in the forms required. i was too busy spending 10-16 hours a day rearranging furniture in my room, or lying in bed, full-body tense, until it felt like my teeth would crack from the pressure. i'm medicated now. i'm grateful for it. i have more tolerance for these posts because i've been there. i know the op isn't doing anything wrong, because they're not wrong. why isn't the world stopping to look at a natural disaster, or a genocide? the world should not be like this.

you are not the world. you are someone with a brain that will torture you to death given the chance. you know how learning to reckon with your privileges, whatever they may be, requires you to not try and escape them? you need to be able to hold in your head that yes, you benefit from something that isn't fair; yes, other people should have that benefit, and that they don't is unjust. but you need to, for example, not try and weasel your way out of being white because you're uncomfortable with the guilt that it produces. you need to not go online and say well not ALL americans because you can't sit with the idea of being complicit in american imperialism. if you have ocd, you need to apply that to your own brain, too. you need to apply it to every post that you see. you need to know that people are not speaking directly to you, they are crying out in pain and fear. they are not doing anything wrong. they are scared and hurting.

they do not benefit from you taking on all the guilt of that fear and pain. i am not saying this to absolve you of the guilt. i am saying that you need to be able to exist with that level of guilt without allowing it to paralyze and destroy you. if you can't do that right now, i'm not here to cast judgement on you. blacklist phrases. i had "wildfire" blacklisted for a long time. i'm sure i missed aid posts because of it. the alternative was me being nonfunctional. for a long time, i had donation posts blacklisted across the board, because the way my ocd worked meant that i was neurologically incapable of knowing where my own limits were, and i would give money i did not have. if you need to do that, this is me giving you permission. doing this does not make you evil. it does not make you morally bankrupt. it makes you someone whose brain is trying to fucking kill them, and the world needs you to not let that happen.

this is not a post about how you're exempt from caring about the world if you're mentally ill, it's about how you cannot apply that care to anything useful if you're having massive panic spirals every other day about the guilt that you feel. your guilt should not rule your life. if it does, i say this kindly, but you very likely need medication. i'm sorry if you don't have access to that right now. you cannot think your way out of ocd. you cannot think your way into stopping neural activity. you cannot guilt your way into being a good person; you have to be able to exist with the guilt and not let it rule you in order to do that. nobody benefits from your brain trying to martyr you in the name of solving the world's suffering.

you need to be able to function, free of crushing and paralyzing guilt, before you can help anyone. you are not an effective ally like this just because your brain tells you that it's necessary.

[hockybish]

You're Not Doing This Alone

l West Winds au l dad!trevor au l masterlist l

March 2020

The second Trevor left her room, Bean grabbed her phone hitting the name of the only other person who knew about the whole predicament, a friendly face the was over 3,000 miles away.

"Hey Bean what's up?" The voice on the other end of the phone asked. Considering the time difference between Boston and Vancouver, she guess the hockey player she was talking with was about to leave for a game.

She sniffled unsure how to tell her confidant on the other end of the line about the transaction that just transpired between her and the baby daddy.

"Bean? What's wrong? Is it the baby?" Quinn frantically asked, going into protective big brother mode. He wasn't actually her older brother but the fact that she went to him for everything made him feel one.

"I " Bean started, but were unable to finish with what she were going to say.

"You told him didn't you?" Quinn somehow was able to read your mind. You never knew how he did, it was super power of his. "And let me guess he didn't take it well?"

~

"I'm pregnant ... and I think I'm gonna keep it"

Trevor ran his fingers through his hair. Bean was pregnant and it was his fault. What was he going to do? He was too young to be a dad.

The phone in his pocket brought him out of his thoughts. Glancing at device it was Cole. He didn't want to talk to him but his shaking hand accidentally clicking on the call accept button.

"Hey Z you wouldn't believe what just happened. So ..." Cole excitedly chatted his ear off. Trevor drowned out whatever crazy thing his friend was telling him.

"You're not saying anything. Why aren't you saying anything. Z what's wrong?" Before he knew what he was saying, Trevor spilt the beans, telling his friend everything, about Bean, the baby, his panic, how he didn't know what to do.

"So what you're saying is that you got your best friend pregnant and now you're gonna leave her?"

"I don't know"

"Well you better figure it out otherwise you're gonna have to deal with us." Alex's threatening voice came over the receiver.

~

That night Trevor made his decision. He waited until the next day after the one class they had together, that she didn't show up for, to go talk to her. Her roommate almost didn't let him see her, but Bean told her it was alright.

"Z I haven't changed my mind, I going to keep 'em." Bean placed her hand over her still flat belly. Trevor was about to make a comment on his part in everything when she starting talking again.

"You can be there if you want, but you don't have to. I know having a baby when you're still a kid yourself isn't ideal and you have hockey."

"Stop talking. Can I say something please?" He cut her off, placing his hand on top of hers. She was right, it wasn't the ideal time to have a kid, but that was his kid. He couldn't just abandon them.

"I know we're not together, or anything like that but if you want this I'll be with you one hundred percent of the way. Whatever you want to do I'll be there."

"Are are you sure?" she bit into her bottom lip, a nervous tic of her's. She was so sure her best friend wasn't going to take the out.

"You don't have to Z. I wouldn't come after you for money or anything like that if you're worried. You don't need to do this if you don't want to. I don't want you to regret anything because a child is a binding thing and you have your career and I don't want to ruin that experience for you."

"I'm positive Tallulah. I was there, it take two to tango, even if we both were drunk. I'm not going to let you raise a kid that's part me on your own. I'm going to help any way i can. It's the responsible thing to do. I'm not leaving."

"Okay, let's do this." Bean laced her fingers with his.

[sunburnhurts]

may i request cedric diggory x f!reader comforting her in a moment of grief of her father passing away! can’t wait see the fanfics you write :)

Comforting | Cedric Diggory x Fem!Reader

Summary: Y/n's father passes away and Cedric helps her work through her grief. (After the tournament and ofc he doesn't die in it in this story)

Warnings: Mentions of fathers death, a lot angst in the beginning, comforting and I think thats it lol!

Words: 1,317

All My Stories

A/n: Aww thank you so much! ofc!! Thank you for being my first requester!! If anything is wrong pls tell me bc I haven't watched the movies since 2020 haha I have just been reading fanfics lolll. Also, idk what Hogwarts would do if a students parent would die or something so this is probably wrong sorry haha

Just like every other morning, Cedric walks to the Great Hall to start his day with having breakfast with his girlfriend, Y/n. They have been dating for 2 months and everything was going great. Cedric took her on dates, Y/n helped him through the stress before and after the Triwizard Tournament, and they were always there for each other.

Y/n wasn't much to show when something was wrong, during her relationship there was never a time where she would pick fights or make anything about her. She was a very selfless person and that was one of the things Cedric loved about her.

Cedric sat down in his normal seat, next to an empty spot which usually has Y/n in it. Maybe she woke up a bit late, he told himself, not thinking anything of it. A few minutes went by and he assumed that she was in bed sick, so he grabbed a piece of toast to bring up to her.

Once he got to her room, he knocked softly a few times. When he didn't hear any movement, he whispered as he reached for the handle of the door, "Y/n, its Cedric. I'm coming in, okay?"

He slowly opened the door and peeked his head through, looking around to see if there was any sign of Y/n. Her bed was messy, but empty. Cedric grew a little confused at the unusual situation, but he made sure to keep himself calm. Still being unstable from the second Triwizard task where he had to save her, he grew worried.

Wondering where his girlfriend could be, Cedric crosses his fingers in hopes everything is okay and he will see her in their first class together.

Cedric felt weird walking alone to class, usually Y/n and him would be walking hand in hand, talking to him about random things. They would talk about the next prank the Weasley twins were going to pull, or what their plans were for the upcoming summer.

When Cedric sat down to another empty seat that is supposed to be occupied by Y/n, he grew more worried. Usually if his girlfriend was sick or something she would tell him and not just disappear.

As the class went on, Cedric decided to look for Y/n again. He asked his professor if he could use the bathroom and once he was allowed, he walked out and started thinking of where she could be.

While walking through the halls, he comes across one of Y/n's friends, Angelina. "Hey, have you seen Y/n anywhere?" Cedric tried asking calmly, but Angelina could tell he was a little nervous.

"Yeah, we were walking down to breakfast together but we got stopped by Professor Mcgonagall. She asked Y/n to come with her to her office, so I'm assuming she is still in there." Angelina responded, flashing a smile in hopes to calm her best friend's boyfriend down.

Angelina thought it was so cute how the boy her best friend always wanted so bad was worried about her. Angelina knew always knew they wanted each other, so she tried helping Y/n out and told her to make a move, but stubborn Y/n didn't want to and was scared that he didn't care about her as much as she cared about him. But obviously that was wrong.

Cedric nods and walks with a little speed to Professor Mcgonagall's office. Before arriving at the door to the office, he notices a girl walk out of the office with her hand to her face. Cedric recognized it as his girlfriend and her face was red, she walk walking slow, and she looked deep in thought.

As soon as Cedric identifies the girl, he jogs over to her and calls her name. She doesn't answer until he catches up to her and puts a hand to her back. He notices her eyes have no light in them, no look of happiness on her face. "Y/n, love, whats wrong?" Cedric says as he wraps his arms around the girl.

She looks up at him, her eyes red from crying and her eyebrows slightly furrowed. She takes the hand off her mouth and sinks into her boyfriend, tears start flowing out of her again.

"My dad," Y/n starts, hugging Cedric back. She could barely get the words out of her mouth. Her head felt fuzzy, her body, numb. "he died."

Cedric's heart dropped, a dark sorrow formed in his body. "Y/n," He didn't know what to say. "I'm so sorry." He tightened his grip on the grieving girl. "Lets go to your dorm okay?" Y/n nodded.

As they made their way up to Y/n's room, Cedric never let go of his girl. He tried thinking of ways he would be able to comfort her, he just couldn't find good words to comfort her.

Y/n sat on her bed as Cedric closed the door. Once he turned around, he saw Y/n looking at the floor, staring into space. His heart ached even more at the sight, the love of his life going through something he couldn't imagine.

He walked over to her and sat next to her so he was facing her. Cedric gently cupped the side of Y/n's cheek so she would look at him. Her head turned, but her eyes delayed in moving. Once she was looking at him, Cedric asked, "What do you need me to do?"

"I don't know." The girl responds, truly not knowing what she wants. Cedric uncupped her cheek and grabbed both of Y/n's hands. Y/n turned her body to face Cedric, she sat criss-cross.

"Do you want to cuddle?" He asks, hoping to lighten the mood a little. The girls eyes shot up to his and she huffs a little laugh, she nods. Cedric moved to the top of Y/n's bed and had his arms open for Y/n to craw into.

Y/n craws up to her boyfriend and places her head and hand on his chest. Cedric starts rubbing her back in hopes to distract Y/n from whatever she was thinking of. He hears a sigh and feels her relax into him.

"I'm sorry for not going to breakfast." Y/n says quietly.

"Please don't be. When you didn't show up I assumed you were sick so I went up here to your room but you weren't here. So then I thought you went to our first class, but when you weren't there I knew something was wrong." Cedric explained.

"Sounds like you went through a lot just to find me." Y/n joked.

"I'd go through anything to find you." Cedric responded seriously. Hearing this, Y/n looked up at her boyfriend with a gleam in her eyes.

"Really?" She said smiling.

"Really." He said. Y/n leaned and connected lips with the love of her life. They kissed softly and passionately, which Y/n needed.

"Wait aren't you supposed to be in class?" Y/n said slightly moving away from the kiss.

"You're more important." Cedric said, which made Y/n smile and made her kiss him again. "I love you so much Y/n." He mumbled against her lips.

Cedric felt her smile as she responded, "I love you so much Cedric."

Over the course of months, Cedric would comfort Y/n whenever she was feeling sad or zoning out. He would take her on dates and hold her hand whenever she wasn't smiling.

Y/n's best friend, Angelina, made sure to tell her about how worried Cedric was about her when he couldn't find her. Angelina also made sure to tell Y/n how much she loved the pair together and how she hopes to find a man who loves her as much as the pair loves each other.

The End

A/N: Heyy! I feel like I wrote "Y/n" or "Cedric" too many times im so sorry lollll. I hope you love this!!! Please request if you have anything you would like to read! I want to only do Cedric but I would be open to a few other people like Fred. Again I do not do smut. I also just want to say I have no clue how it feels to lose someone so close to me so I am so sorry if I didn't depict it correctly. Thank you so much for reading!

[thegildedbee]

Sherlock Fic Recs: Christmas Edition {2023}

❄️ Gather ~ ☃️ ☃️ ☃️ ~ 'round and 🎉 make 🎷merry🍹, all ye fic-loving fandom elves -- 'tis the season to shine a spotlight🕯️on Sherlockian Christmas fics!!! Here are some of my favorites -- I tried to pick ones that I haven't seen mentioned in recent lists that have been in my tumblr stream. Whether they're new to you, or just a reminder to re-visit faves, enjoy!!! ❄️ [In order of the year they were published.] ........................................................... 1. I'm Not His Date [2014] by objetpetita [ 17,029 words / T ] :: It all starts in a Boston coffee shop, where English professor Sherlock Holmes upends a visiting John Watson in a clever and fun "meet cute" (or "meet irritating-pompous-insufferable") in a whirlwind of Sherlockian proportions, and we're off to the races. There is a snowfight on the Common, Death Driving Miss Daisy: Lacan and Popular Culture, a Harry & Clara Christmas Eve wedding, witches, and a very boozy department party. It's as adorable as my favorite Christmas rom-com film, The Holiday. And it starts off with a corker of a first sentence: "It was morning, it was zero bloody degrees, everything around him was unfamiliar and American and cold, and John Watson was right on that inhuman precipice between still drunk and terribly hung over."

2. 5,687 (Approximately) [2015] by prettysailorsoldier [ 6,771 words / T ] :: Just a few years post-uni, Sherlock is enduring the agonies of a long-distance relationship with his boyfriend, who is on deployment in Afghanistan. During those times when John's on leave, the last people Sherlock wants to see are the idiots at the Met, so they've never caught sight of John and think he is a figment of Sherlock's imagination -- especially since he can't get home that Christmas. The set-up is sketched out with delightful fic flair, and the ending is not only sweet, but satisfyingly punitive [ c/o a very bamf John ]. The text messaging is some of my favorite writing in the Sherlock fandom -- their relationship in all of its multi-dimensionality comes through beautifully.

3. The 12 Truths of Christmas [2016] by @breath4soul [ 3,321 words / T ] :: This is a fic that has at its core the surfacing of unspoken emotional attraction betweenJohn and Sherlock via a very fun concept: “In place of some appalling or imbecilic gift inflicted upon me in the name of tradition on Christmas day, I propose that you provide me with one previously unknown fact about you for each day leading up to Christmas. 12 in total, John.” #9 has all the feels, and is a tour de force -- every time I re-read it it makes me break out in a smile, even though I know what's coming. Sherlock breaks out somewhat more: "Sherlock feels a flood of heat in several places at once. He stands up quickly and walks to his violin. He plays wild, erratic snaps of quick-paced music." The author has a whimsical and entirely understandable note to add: "You may fall in love with John reading this - I did." 4. The Romance Was There [2017] by @apliddell [ 4,011 words / G ] :: The author deserves an award for this being one of the best uses of Harry Watson in a fic, and of HW by Sherlock in a fic :-) 221B has never been cozier, Sherlock has never been more winsome, and John is a species type model of John in all of his clueless Johnness. The narrative dances along and sparkles and shines as seduction evolves, and Sherlock's rogueish charm is on full display. There's a poignant and endearing confessional letter, plus there's a Sherlock/Jeremy Brett reference that is absolute perfection in serving its role in helping the narrative quickstep the night away. 5. The Man in Aisle Ten [2020] by @blogstandbygo [ 1395 words / G ] :: Sherlock has several mysteries to unravel in the midst of Harrod's on Christmas Eve: what is the perfect gift for John? why is he having so much trouble identifying the perfect gift for John? and, incidentally, along the way to solving those, a local one. Luckily, Sherlock has Moira, master department store sleuth, to lead him to the solution. This fic is a small, perfect gift -- rather like the story's denouement --and is as witty as all of SBG's fics are. This is a veritable Peppermint Schnapps Hot Chocolate of a fic, warm, rich, sweet, delicious, tingly, and you'll find you reach the last bit much too fast, immediately requiring a refill. [ And there's a splendid podfic by @podfixx ! ]

..........................

*fic repost recruits, perhaps??? ❤️ @totallysilvergirl, @7-percent, @discordantwords, @helloliriels, @elwinglyre, @mydogwatson

[specialagentartemis]

hi artemis! a friend I made during artfight who doesn't have a tumblr account asked me to pass a question on to you!

they're wondering if you know of any good resources for researching more modern history. This is what they were interested in specifically:

"i am trying to think of somewhere i could find information about when cars started appearing in songs and i am absolutely blanking on how i could find things about this

i know the library of congress has a LOT of stuff [and a really good system for filtering the search results] but… i don't even know what i would enter into the search bar sjdhgj. cars?? songs?? the spread of motor vehicles??"

i know this isn't your specific area of expertise but i thought you might still have some thoughts, or be able to point them to someone else who could help. also, they asked me to tell you that you're very cool and they like your posts :) (i concur)

Aww, thanks! <3

Hmm unfortunately, this is not really a topic I know anything about. This is a combination topic/time period I don't study, and a method (corpus analysis) I haven't really done.

But I can talk about how I would go about it, because starting research from scratch is a specialized skill and it is Daunting.

First, I go to Wikipedia on my topic--let's try the Wikipedia page for "Lyrics." The "Academic Study" subheading has no references--pity. Ignoring most of the article text, I scroll down to the references. Scanning them, they're not that helpful, but "Further Reading" suggests Moore, Allan F. (2003). Analyzing Popular Music. That looks potentially useful! File that away.

All right, now I go to academic databases. My own university's library database and JSTOR are my first options. Let's try some keywords--technology in popular music. Hm, no, that's mostly turning back books and articles about the technology used to make and disseminate popular music, not references to technology in the lyrics. Wrong tack. Try technology popular music lyrics. Little bit better--it turns back The Bloomsbury Handbook of Rock Music Research, that sounds promising. The Bloomsbury Encyclopedia of Popular Music of the World, sounds like it could be a useful reference too. Still, this turns back a wide variety of things, none of them about cars. All right, "technology" was too broad a concept. We want to know about cars. Try cars popular music lyrics and automobiles popular music lyrics.

Aha! Here's some good stuff! "Sentiment analysis of popular-music references to automobiles, 1950s to 2010s" (Wu et al. 2022); "Experience economy in the making: Hedonism, play and coolhunting in automotive song lyrics" (Askegaard 2010); Driving Identities: At the Intersection of Popular Music and Automotive Culture (McLeod 2020); "Communicating cars: television, popular music and everyday life" (Alam 2020, a chapter within the book Race, Taste, Class and Cars). Now this is what we're talking about!

And reducing my search terms to cars in popular music, I turned up a book called Popular Music and Automobiles. Jackpot!

Tbh research is trying various keyword strings, and then sifting through a dozen irrelevant result for every relevant one. Identifying relevant-looking books and articles from titles and abstracts is also a skill. JSTOR is good but arbitrarily limited; Google Scholar is pretty good; Library of Congress has records of nearly everything but is in my experience kind of overwhelming unless you know precisely what you're looking for. University library databases are the best, if you have access to any.

However, once you've hit on something specific, the LOC is really, really good in this way: you can go to the page for the book you found--here's "Popular Music and Automobiles"--and then look at the subject tags. Automobiles--Songs and music--History and criticism is its own subject tag! You can see what other books have that subject tag!

... looks like, including Popular Music and Automobiles, it's only four. (and one of those is also McCloud's "Driving Identities," lol.) But, hey. That's two more books about the topic you didn't know about before!

These are the tactics I use when I want to research something new! Hope some of this was helpful.

[ethankyou]

A while back I had a chance to play Cyberpunk Red, which is the 4th edition of Cyberpunk by Mike Pondsmith.

Red is also the successor to Cyberpunk 2020 which was the inspiration for the notorious Cyberpunk 2077 - haven't played, don't intend to, not the subject of my discussion here!

So how did it go?

Cyberpunk Red is a lot of crunch though plays really easy once you get past the initial learning curve of the rules.

But there are a lot of rules.

I find my go to when learning a new game is to find a video of someone trying to give a briefer on the game system and then go to the book to cement those ideas myself.

I found this video pretty helpful when researching character creation. XPLoveCat does a whole series guiding through the creation process. If you like to listen to someone explain things (it's a big help for me) this might be a great place for you to start too!

Once you pick your lifepath, if you're going with the beginner one (i don't remember what it's called it's been nearly a year sorry!) the creation process is pretty smooth, it's just following some steps. There's a medium and veteran version of the life paths that add more complexity to your character creation process and I feel like since our group was a bunch of RPG vets we could have handled that, but it does speed things up to go with the quicker start for a one shot.

Meanwhile Red is like "You have 60 skills and one of them is fashion and one of them is looking good."

Whenever I'm starting a new game I also like to have a character sheet handy so I can piece everything together. And once you get Red's character sheet in front of you, it really begins to feel like a game from the 90's with a modern coat of paint.

The character sheet in question. 3 pages!

There's a lot of fun to be had in older systems! But newer systems have opted to streamline things like skills and stats and stuff nowadays. I remember being glad that 4th edition D&D cut skills by more than half by just folding a lot of similar ones together, something that would continue into 5th edition as well. There were some casualties along the way though (rip use magic device, and all the extra knowledge skills!) and typically the stuff that got cut was stuff that would facilitate like... You know.... Playing a character? Not just murderhoboing your way across the country.

Pictured below, everything that is "Cool" in the year 2045 (taken from a custom character sheet)

Creating a character is an interesting process because it follows this lifepath system. So you choose one of several paths and the game streamlines the creation process by directing you which page to go to next in an almost "choose your own adventure" sort of layout. This is very helpful, but while it's easy to go forward, it's not so easy to go back. If you went to the wrong page or just didn't like what you read and want to try something else, you'll be searching for where you made that wrong turn. A lot of ttrpg books can be like this so this isn't exactly a new problem, but the way the book is laid out it really does need you to follow this path to new pages instead of discovering the information yourself by reading on. I guess just write down the page numbers of places you want to go back to before flipping forward.

Initially finding things on the sheet is tough because if you're told to make a "Tracking" check, you might not immediately assume that's an Int skill. Since the skills are grouped by attribute, you'll have to go through the process of figuring out what skill belongs to which group. I don't think this is a bad thing, because the alternative would be an alphabetical list of 60+ skills, which might make it harder to figure out their associated stat, or would just make the sheet more bloaty with repeated stats beside each and every skill. All games have an adjustment period to them and this is a pretty minor one. I remember this being a sticking point for our group after playing it originally but having some time to think on it I think there's a valid argument to be made either way. Someone in our group even mentioned this was one custom character sheet away from not being an issue and I agree. And apparently others do too because there's a lot of them out there! Many of which sort the skills differently and many also try to condense the 3 page sheet to 2. I know there's a lot of wasted real estate on the third page but it's pretty cool!

There are also apparently free quick start rules that come with premade characters and everything! Free is free and you can check that out on drive thru RPG! It's called easy mode but my understanding is this includes the core rules too. This would probably be the best choice for a one shot game to test the water but we just weren't aware of them at the time.

But a major part of creation is your role. This is the part I might be the most critical of. While they give you a lot of skills and everyone has access to the same skills, each role has basically one major ability that only they can do. The med tech can use medicines to help the groups, the netrunner can take more actions while in a netrun. That kind of thing. But that's pretty much it. Improving your role may allow you to use your role abilities better or more frequently, but there's not a lot in the way of new abilities.

And also the divisions between the roles feel pretty arbitrary. Like the med tech is the only one who can use a bunch of medicines. But why? Everyone has access to the first aid skill, which is something the med tech is also proficient in. What's stopping someone from taking one of their medicines and using it?

I think having well defined roles for each player is very important! And the roles do provide this, but I don't feel like they go far enough. We did only play one session though so perhaps this is something that would be more evident over time.

I played a Netrunner (a hacker) which ends up also having to play a little minigame separate from the rest of the action. I knew what I was getting into but wanted to try it out to see how the game handles it. In previous games that I've played a hacker, it bogged down the game by either having an entire session play out for the hacker while everyone else waits, or does nothing while everyone else is in the middle of the action because they have to stay with their big cool hacker rig. Red deals with this in a really great way - your rig is a headset that has wifi. And if you want to hack a secure system, you need to be hardwired into that system. This means the Netrunner has to be on site and still has an opportunity to join the action. Or may even be forced to do both at once.

As far as the actual hacking game goes, I really like the implementation of hacking a cyber infrastructure. You bring programs that all serve different functions, such as attacks or other actions and then you have to fight your way up the digitial infrastructure, with each level offering more rewards, but higher threats. The programs all have a fantasy aesthetic and the architecture functions kind of like a dungeon in Netspace. You can take multiple netspace actions, but you're still able to act in meatspace as well during this time. Sometimes you'll have to balance your actions in and out of netspace.

The biggest problem I had with the Netrunner goes back to my problem with roles. There's a Tech stat and several Tech skills so what kind of check do you make? Why, you add your role to your roll! The Netrunner uses their role, which starts at +4. Compared to their Tech skills which are floating around a +10 or so. Now the DVs for these checks are all lower to compensate for this but... Why do we gotta do it this way?

There could easily be a skill that could have covered this and the DVs could have been comparable to everything else in the game. You might think, well if other characters were allowed to hack, they could prove to be just as effective as the Netrunner so it has to be a balance issue right? Well the Netrunner role allows them to take 3 actions a round in Netspace which would make them much more efficient than someone without the role. But also having the role is what grants the interface feature, which is required to take NET actions at all! But even though the Netrunner is obviously the best choice for the task, what's stopping someone else with a rig from attempting the same thing and just being less efficient at it.

The way I guess this is addressed, is that you can take on other roles potentially? You have 4 in your starting role, so I believe you'd start with 1 in a new role. But with a +4 in my Netrunner role I found that I struggled a lot, so I can't even imagine floundering around with just a +1. You'd be at the whims of the dice.

Despite that though, I appreciate the game does allow this sort of multi-classing. Especially since many of the roles seem to be very gear based, so it feels silly to not allow any crossover.

In the end, the hacking did feel balanced, which is important. But it didn't feel awesome, which i guess is what it came down to for me. But I also failed a lot of those checks Netrunner checks, which brings me to my last major gripe.

Rolling a single d10 for checks is fine, but if you critically fail on a 1, which is 10% of the time, that is lame. I don't mind using a d10 for checks but without some kind of way to mitigate 1's it makes things brutal, not in a fun or challenging way. I feel like if I was going to play again, I would need the crit fails to just be gone altogether.

Overall, I did enjoy Cyberpunk Red! I think it's a bit hard to dig into for a oneshot, but we managed just fine. If you really wanted to get a feel for it though, I'd recommend you play a 3-5 session arc. This game is definitely worth your time!

I'm also curious about going back to previous iterations to see how it's changed over time.

So, fun fact time, Cyberpunk Red was published in 2020, 30 years after Cyberpunk 2020 was originally published which is goes hand in hand with every scifi media that has predicted a date in the "far future" that we have now reached (and passed!).

See you in 2045 for the 5th edition of Cyberpunk I suppose!

[temporalarts]

Hello there, I have noticed you’re a well of knowledge when it comes to iDKHOW lore. I’m struggling to find good sources of information and I’d like to learn everything there is to know; do you know how I can do this? Anything I can read/watch? I did a surface-level lore dive a year or two back but I don’t fully remember everything and I’m seeing some stuff around Tumblr I never knew about. Call me Sally Mae because I intend on uncovering everything I can about this band’s lore ;)

hi there! sorry for the late answer, have had tumblr deleted for a while.

important information about idkhow lore first:

it is NOT required to know anything about the lore of idkhow to listen or enjoy idkhow. idkhow's lore is meant to be additional story to the band and is meant for fans to explore only if they are interested. idkhow's songs/lyrics by themselves do not have story meanings. it is hugely important to recognize that idkhow as music and idkhow as a story are separate entities.

idkhow's lore is a metaphorical story for dallon's experience within the music industry and celebrity la/hollywood culture. everything in the lore is symbolic for something in real life (for example, TELLEXX is a metaphor representation of the music industry). i implore anyone getting into the lore of idkhow to treat the lore with gently and respectfully because of that reason.

idkhow's lore has mostly been uncontinued since 2020/2021 since the release of razzmatazz. SRCHPRTY (main character of the lore) has been an abandoned account since june of 2021. this is for a multitude of reasons, including dallon not wanting to have a story line with each album, lack of label support, and lack of time for the lore. because of this, a lot of information about the lore has been lost to time and is no longer available to the public. gloom division (idkhow's most recent album) does have a lore behind it, but has not had a story run like razzmatazz had yet (it could in the future, but gloom division didn't have the time or budget to at this moment). lots of amazing archivists in the community are trying to preserve the lost content over the years (ill link one available one below), but please keep that in mind while looking into the lore.

you may see mentions of ryan seaman (also referred to as subject B) mentioned in the lore and some resources. ryan seaman was the previous drummer of idkhow and is no longer in or involved with idkhow since september 16th, 2023 (due to various reasons i wont go into here, but if you dont know look up the information to why online). idkhow is now and currently a solo project of dallon weekes, but if you see any reference of idkhow being a duo or see him in resources that is why.

that out of the way, here is all the resources I could come up with!

introductory idkhow lore carrd, made by my good friend @fadeyouout! very good start to everything in the lore!

full timeline of all events from current idkhow lore, made by me!

very good place to start with the lore is the srchprty conspiracy video. introductory video to srchprty's research, basic backstory for srchprty, and the main 3 questions in the story.

ALL srchrpty diaries: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6! watch these chronologically as they build off one another.

if you haven't already, look through srchprty's twitter and instagram accounts. look through tweet replies/instagram comments. srchprty regularly interacted with fans while he was active and a lot of story building with TELLEXX comes from those interactions.

physical copy only extras in razzmatazz, lyrics for indoctrination and tomorrow people. razzmatazz physical versions came with two exclusive spoken word tracks, indoctrination and tomorrow people, both directly from TELLEXX.

TELLEXX documents, found in physical copy only extras in razzmatazz lyric book. includes a internal TELLEXX letter and volunteer subject consent forms.

archive of all of idkhow's instagram posts (2017-2022) made by abstracttheart on twitter. most of idkhow posts on instagram has been deleted over the years, so this is a great resource to see those deleted posts. you can most lore related posts from 2020-2021.

the mysterious world of i dont know how but they found me, dork magazine interview with dallon on the razzmatazz lore and its metaphorical meanings to him. VERY important read in my own opinion!

instagram highlights from idkhowindo: part 1, 2, 2.5, 3. their account has since been abandoned, but the archived stories are from the time of srchprty's activity and has a lot of good information in them.

questions i have answered about some idkhow lore topics in detail: what happened to srchprty, what is TELLEXX, and who is subject a. if you have any questions about the lore that you need answers to feel free to shoot me an ask in my inbox! idkhow lore is my special interest and i love answering any questions new fans have.

idkhow.com from 2020-2022 (recommend scrolling through archives of the website from wayback machine from august 2020-december 2020). the idkhow.com website during razzmatazz lore was ran by srchprty and was being recovered during the razzmatazz lore after a previous shutdown by TELLEXX in 1996.

TELLEXX stress evaluation test: may see this referenced around different lore resources, this is the official website for the test. as well as a article from the coder on how the website works to give results which is a very interesting read.

qwerty translator: TELLEXX/srchprty uses a code called QWERTY code throughout the lore, which is a letter substitution code substituting the alphabet for the QWERTY keyboard (ex: A=Q, B=W, etc). very helpful for decoding those codes!

most "niche" idkhow lore information comes from video/text interviews with dallon from 2020/2021! hard to find every single interview he does talk about the lore, but any dive into interviews from 2020 and you can find moments where he talks about razzmatazz lore. some instagram interviews from 2020 have been archived on idkhows youtube for watch.

indie pop, deep lore, and fan theories: how idkhow give there fans more than just music, tone deaf article on lore

i will update whenever i can with whatever i can find, but that is all the available resources for the lore of idkhow currently. if you (or anyone) have any questions about specific things within the lore, feel free to shoot me a question in my inbox and i will try my best to answer! enjoy!

[saikolikes]

Aki’s P5R  fanfic recs! (part 2)

Hi and welcome to another one of my recs posts! As you can see, this is part two: part one of this post can be found HERE and includes fics I bookmarked between April 2019 and December 2020. This second post will deal with everything I bookmarked during 2021 and 2022 (... so yes, part 3 is bound to happen some times in the future)

Here a brief disclaimer:

Everything in here is spoiler for either P5 vanilla, Royal, or Strikers;

I won’t report the tags, as it would take too long, so if you’re interested in a fic, please open the link;

Fic recs obviously reflect my tastes and preferences. For example, I love suffering and I don’t like fluff or domestic works, so browse this list knowing that;

The stark majority of the works here is shuakeshu

If you want more recs you can find them in my bookmarks, most of them are public!

MY ONGOING RECS Again, I don't read a lot of ongoing works (although, admittedly more than in the past) and these are the ones I'm subscribed to that I'm adoring!

The Lovers, Reversed by salexectria, Terra5 (E) | Royalty a/b/o AU | akeshu | series in three parts, ongoing "A Thief is caught stealing from the Northern King, and is sentenced to death for his crimes. The Alpha Prince intervenes, but at what cost to them both?" What I love about this AU is the amount of politics and worldbuilding put into it, as well as the uniqueness of double povs who constantly switch from Akira to Goro creating one back and forth that acts literally like poking into their minds. Plus the slow burn and the pining are just on point.

never die when I'm dead by threerings (E) | Royal & post-Royal | akeshu | series in 2 parts, ongoing Two one shots featuring one of my absolute flavors of this ship: sad, intense and unhinged

IDC FOR UPDATES I resolved to defeat my abandoned-wip trauma one excellent fic at a time so here's a list of works that haven't been updated in a while or the author straight up confirmed they won't keep writing them, but they are so good you just have to read them and let them remodel you. Do it. Do it now.

the year of the knife by theexistentiallyqueer (M) | No powers AU | shuakeshu | 2 chapters "The plan for Akira's junior year of high school was to keep his head down and his nose clean, but he hadn't counted on his new high school having more trouble than it was worth--and he specifically didn't plan on Akechi Goro, the haughty, machiavellian vice president of Shujin Academy's student council, dragging him face-first into political scandal and a series of encounters that would change his life." Please let teq bring you through a journey of spot-on characterization and stunning prose that will rewire your brain chemistry completely. Their take on machiavellian Akechi is really good, and the snark Akira spits in this fic is really something I cherish.

kiss & cry by MajorGodComplex (T) | Figure skating AU | shuakeshu | 2 chapters "Goro’s first thought when he hits the ground is some combination of the words ‘shit fuck hell fucking bullshit bitch fuck motherfucking hell.’ His next thought is wondering whether Akira Kurusu, senior debut, constant thorn in Goro’s side, and the only person anyone this season seems to talk about, is also trying to land a quad axel at the moment." I don't know what to tell you, the prose of this one is so witty and funny you just have to read what's published of it as of now!

honeybrains by succubused (T) | Time loop | shuakeshu | 4 chapters "a chronicle of the twenty-fourth time akira kurusu lived through the month of january 2017" What can I say, I am really a sucker for time loops and this fic took me by the heart. Tagged as character study and with rights because the characterization here is very interesting!

in the snow globe by aminami (E) | Time travel | shuake | 1 chapter "It’s your heart,” Joker says like it’s the most obvious thing. “Your desires, your hopes, your fears. I’ll carry them with me always. My little snow globe." This fic will hurt you so badly but it will be so worth it, I swear. It's just so melancholic and tender and angsty and it carved a place in my heart.

my love has never lived indoors by rhodophytae (E) | a/b/o | shuake | 1 chapter "Ren Amamiya knows he's an alpha, and he's comfortable with that, but he's pretty sure that being an alpha is, well...different for him than it is for other people. He resigned himself a long time ago to the fact that he'd probably go his whole life without finding anyone else like him. And then he meets Goro Akechi." This fic has such an interesting take on omegaverse! Paired with a stellar characterization and delicious pining, it's no surprise it's a fic I will never forget.

GENERAL RECS The fics I’ve enjoyed the most and that I go back to reading sometimes.

how joker and crow survived the coronavirus pandemic of 2020 by shntlvs (T) | Royal | shuakeshu | series of 2 works "Escaping from Maruki's false reality gets interrupted by the Coronavirus pandemic." Could you have ever imagined reading a fic centered around the pandemic? Me neither, but this one and its sequel work so well and have very compelling bits of characterization for the boys. Unexpected premise, but I utterly loved it.

straw house, straw dog by caelam (T) | 3rd sem | gen | one shot "In the saccharine utopia of Maruki’s reality, Goro Akechi’s mother is still alive." I admittedly don't read too many fics with mamakechi so I won't claim to be an expert, but this one really left me impressed with how clear and tangible the tangle of feelings is.

Knight of Pentacles, King of Spades by Naometry (M) | Medieval AU | shuakeshu | 11 chapters "“Hifumi passed on your greetings,” Akira Kurusu says, fury simmering beneath his conversational tone. “And I’m polite enough to give you my own in person. So greetings, General Goro Akechi. I am the man who will kill you.”" I started reading this fic for the war captive trope but this story has so much more to it than just that. Nao's superb skill with writing violence and viciousness will have you thrust into a cruel world where two boys seem to be bound to kill each other... unless?

Ripples by Riona (T) | gen | canon compliant | one shot "Ten people know exactly who the news is talking about, and now they’re going to have to deal with that." A peek into the heads of 10 of Joker's confidants upon learning about his death. The fic I would never imagined myself reading, but I did because it was recced to me, and now I'm recc'ing it to you, too.

When Your Eyes Meet Mine by seths_dream (E) | no powers AU | shuake | one shot "The way the bellboy lingered on him made his heart jolt, made him think that maybe, maybe the bellboy was looking at Goro the same way Goro was looking at him." I've lost count of how many times I read this fic because the horny is just so juicy, it's unironically one of the fics I come back to when I need to remind myself how to write horny stuff. (the same author also wrote this delicious pegoryu that you have to read)

a study in what not to say by succubused (T) | 3rd sem | shuake | one shot "Akira has finally had enough of Akechi's bullshit; they resolve it the only ways they know how." If you like the boys being really nasty to each other, this fic is a must. It has excellent dialogue, dynamics, and a tad of homoerotic wound tending which can't hurt no one!

MY ALL-TIME FAVOURITES The fics that rewired my brain chemistry, took my heart out, slapped it, put it back, and left me a whole new person.

27 steps to seduce a crow by relationshipcrimes (G) | Royal | shuakeshu | one shot "A handy bullet-pointed list on how to flirt with, seduce, and keep your local Akechi Goro." Still to this day, I think of this fic in terms of Goro's characterization. If I have a thing for post-canon shuake chasing each other, it's probably due to this one.

The Brigverse by TzviaAriella (E but most works are M) | Pirates AU | akeshuake | series, ongoing I admittedly don't care that much about pirates but the og fic from this series (A Brig Too Far) was being passed on so much that I gave it a try and. Oh boy. Not only is the characterization impeccable, the story compelling, and the action thrilling, but at least one scene and/or line from each work in this series has altered my brain permanently. I am a new person after reading Brigverse.

wild and free by bangandawhimper (E) | a/b/o | shuakeshu | one shot "Akira Kurusu hasn’t always been an omega. But now everyone he meets in this city assumes he’s an omega. He’s treated like an omega. He feels like an omega. He knows he feels like an omega because he remembers what it was to be an alpha." This work might have my favourite take ever on shuakeshu omegaverse, it's so fitting for them, so thought out, and the characterization is so on point... my god. Read this fic now.

The Diamond Chest by kinneas (E) | post-Royal | shuakeshu | 3 chapters, complete "Who says you have to see Morgana speak in the Metaverse before you can hear him in the real world? Not the few hundred officers who arrested Ren in Sae’s Palace two years ago, that’s for sure." Honestly everything kinnes writes is gold but I'm shouting this fic out because I reread more than a few scenes from this fic more than once, and it's a 100k-words baby. I am a sucker for heist stories, I am a sucker for dealing with trauma in very tangible ways, and I'm a sucker for kinneas' characterization of the boys.

before midnight by specterthief (Not rated) | 3rd sem, canon compliant | gen | one shot "“I—” Swallowing past the lump in her throat, Sumire sets down her chopsticks and rubs her face with both hands. “Um—who told you I was going to training camp?” (On January 9th, Sumire goes home.)" This is the stellar Sumire characterization fic you're looking for. Read this. Read this right now.

I HOPE THIS DOESN'T AWAKEN SOMETHING IN ME (DELUSIONAL) I clicked on these fics solely due to my trust in the authors/the summary/one rec and now I find myself with a new kink. Thanks.

Containment Breach by salexectria (E) | Space pirates AU | akeshu | one shot Akira gets stranded on an abandoned spaceship seemingly infested by a terrifying creature. He finds the lonely survivor of the crew and they begrudgingly start to work together to contact help and survive. I am just going to say that I clicked for salex's name, I stayed for the stellar characterization, pining and top-tier bantering, and got overwhelmed by the tentacle sex. (/pos)

it takes two by lumensd (E) | 3rd sem | akeshu | two-shots By all means, this series has some things I usually am not interested in (phone sex, degradation) but Jay is so skilled and his akeshus are so fucked in the head that now I've signed up for the masochist Joker agenda. Hurray!

i dream of you draped in wires by rime (E) | 3rd sem | akeshu | one shot "Maruki's Shadows don't want to fight; they just want to collect data. Wait, are those cat ears?" You would think a work with the tag "catboy shibari gunplay fuckordie" can't be too serious. Wrong! Excellent character study attack 🔪🔪🔪 (from the same author there's also this P5 vanilla fic that is excellent)

Darken my doorway by EnlacingLines (E) | 3rd sem-post canon | akeshu | one shot ""I don’t need to test my theory. You should be thanking me, really. Opening this door for you.” “A door to what?” Akira says, exasperated by just how self congratulatory Goro still sounds.“ Submission.” Or: I am a firm switch shuake shipper, I don't vibe with too-extreme dynamics *proceeds to go ballistics over this fic regardless*, *awakens to the wonder of d/s a lil fucked up dynamics*

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Top 5 comics that aren't bat related?

GOD okay I'm admittedly so so behind on my non-Bat comic reading because trying to read Everything Published In A 15 Year Period is fucking TIME CONSUMING, but! but but but!!! I have some fun ones!! also as always these are not in ANY particular order!

Thirsty Mermaids (Kat Leyh, 2021)

first off: yes we are including graphic novels! that's just a honkin big comic! nobody @ me! anyway, I read Thirsty Mermaids in one sitting on an airplane earlier this year and it was delightful. it follows three mermaid besties who turn themselves into humans and go ashore in search of booze, only to get stuck when the party mage can't remember how to turn them back. what follows is a mix of shenanigans and genuinely heartwarming character development as the trio cope with being landlocked and try to survive capitalism. there's a high potential for a story like this to get cloyingly oversentimental, but Thirsty Mermaids struck the right balance for me the whole way through and never went overboard.

also, the character designs are soooooo fun. look at them!

2. My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness (Nagata Kabi, trans. Jocelyne Allen 2016)

MLEWL is one of those books that actually completely lives up to the hype and then some, and it totally knocked me on my ass the first time I read it. I didn't really know what to expect going in, but I was totally blown away by how boldly Nagata's willing to share the ugliest parts of her life through this reflection. it's so much more than romance and yearning (and that isn't even really resolved by the book's end! Nagata continues to struggle with interpersonal relationships in later books, which you should also read!), and it felt really refreshing to see such an honest depiction of how much being depressed and anxious and insecure can just fucking suck. but at the same time, Nagata's ability to turn all of that into art and process what she's experienced in a really levelheaded way as she finds the will to grow and change is really affirming.

I have to give a special note of appreciation to the actual sex scene and how intimacy is negotiated between Nagata and the sex worker she hires, especially the ultimate realization that sex is just an act and losing her virginity didn't really change anything about why she was unhappy in her life. as a sex educator, I really appreciated the honesty and sheer practicality of how it was all framed.

3. Nimona (ND Stevenson, 2015)

hi okay yes basic bitch alert I'M AWARE, but I reread Nimona last year to remind myself of why I didn't want to watch the Netflix adaptation and I was so right for that, because OG Nimona fucks so much harder. it's heartfelt but also chaotic and violent and funny and deeply jaded; I think when I mentioned it in my monthly reading synopsis here I described it as weird art for pissed off queer people by a weird pissed off queer person. and I stand by that! if you haven't read it already or if you haven't in a while, it's right there waiting for you with an open invitation to burn the entire corrupt government to the ground.

I know the word feral is overused and therefore cringe but christ, comic Nimona is feral. come on, man. just let her kill your ex. he's a cop.

4. Superman Smashes the Klan (Gene Luen Yang and Gurihiru, 2020)

I had to get one DC comic in here, sue me! it's not Batman-related at all! it's a really rad Superman story that takes place in the 1940s and loosely reimagines an old radio serial, "Clan of the Fiery Cross," the was pretty much a 16-part hit piece on the KKK that was hugely successful in tarnishing their reputation and getting membership to drop. how cool is that? in this version we follow Lee family, Chinese-Americans who have just moved to Metropolis and are met with harassment from the local Klansmen, contrasted with Clark, early in his hero career, still figuring out the full extent of his alien abilities. you get some really nice parallel storytelling between the Lee kids, Tommy and Roberta, exploring what it means to be part of two different cultures at the same time Clark is going through something similar figuring out how to be a representative of two totally different planets, and it all works out in a way that's really sweet. now that I have a friend who's a baby I can't wait until he's old enough to get a copy.

it's an extremely comic book-y comic but in, like, the best way possible.

5. Hawkeye (Matt Fraction and David Aja, 2012-2015)

I can't believe I almost forgot to list tumblr darling Matt Fraction's Hawkeye! what do I even say about this series that hasn't been said already? I love the way Clint Barton is a sadsack piece of shit who's repeatedly ruined his own life, and I love rooting for him anyway because he's just trying so goddamn hard. and also because there's a teenage girl who stole his name and gimmick bullying him the whole time. (Kate Bishop you are everything to me and you will always be famous.) there are costumes and crime fighting but it's first and foremost a slice of life about a life that fucking sucks but keeps on trucking anyway, and that's so up my alley it's not even funny. a lot of the humor probably feels dated now but fuck it, the series is iconic for a reason.

MCU, eat your heart out.

bonus because I wrote out the whole thing and then decided I wanted to include a different one: Paper Girls (Brian K. Vaughan and Cliff Chiang, 2015-2019)

I'd be lying if I said that the thing about this series that I love first and foremost wasn't the art, because Chiang's art is breathtaking and I'll read anything ever if he does the art on it. but it's also just a super cool twisty, time-bending story about four girls getting roped into some high sci-fi bullshit when they're just trying to finish up their paper routes the morning after Halloween and having everything go to hell around them. I really respect a series that is committed to being weird and doesn't really care if you don't understand what's going on for a decent chunk of the plot, especially because it all comes together in a way that's pretty satisfying. waiting to read the whole series in one big run once it was all published so that I could track all the little hints and clues and things coming together across time travel bullshit was mwah, delicious.

also more than anything it's a story about how you Do Not fuck with 12 year old girls, especially in packs, because they're metal as hell, and I'm really about that.

[jmvore]

Say Yes (3) | pjm + jjk

‹ previous | next › » warning(s) › threatening jm, nonconsensual touching, jimin & jungkook being asses, husband!seokjin makes an appearance, almost being caught to being caught, blackmailing, nipple/breast play, nonconsensual stripping, reader being scared and crying, dacryphilia. » pairing(s) › jungkook x f!reader x jimin | student(s) x professor (college) » word(s) › 3.4k+ » song playing › wreak havoc by skylar gray » note(s) › thank you for reading!❤️

© 2020 - 2023 » JMVORE || @googikoo / @http-pjm » All Rights Reserved.   DO NOT Copy, Translate, Re-Upload, or Steal ANY of my work. Thank You!

[02:15pm] “Hey, are you okay, honey?” Seokjin asks, taking a look at your trembling form. He doesn't know what's going on but he knows you haven't been yourself for a couple of weeks now. He knows something is wrong but you won’t tell him what it is. “Sweetheart?”

“I swear I’m okay, Jinnie.” You try your best to smile away his worry when he jokingly traps you against your desk, your resolve starts to break. “Jin-“

“You’d tell me if something is wrong, right?”

“Y-Yes, love.”

“Good.” He doesn't move as he glances down to your lips and back to your eyes. When he leans forward to kiss you it takes everything in you not to break and blurt out your grievances. You know they are on their way to your office (for all you know they could already be outside listening). The last thing you need is for them to find out he knows. 

You don’t know what they would do to him. 

You don’t want to see him get hurt because of your naivety.

“Well, I’ll see you at home, alright sweetheart?” You frown as Seokjin grabs you by the chin to get you to look at him. You haven't said a word and Seokjin is starting to worry more by the second. “Baby, did you hear me?”

“What?” You blink repeatedly before realizing he's waiting for you to say something back. Shit, what did he say? “I- uh…”

“You’re distracted.”

“I’m not, Jinnie. I just-” You pause before glancing back up him with a soft smile. This one more genuine than the last. “It's okay, I'll see you when you get home.” 

You go to move your arms to wrap around his neck as he does the same with your waist. Loosely holding you but stroking your sides to comfort you. You don't want to lose this but you know if Seokjin finds out what's going on, all hell will break loose.

You don't want that to happen. You don't want him having to deal with the brunt of it all if those videos surface. Not only will your reputation be tarnished but so will his by association (even if it isn't your fault).

So right now, in this moment, you want to capture the feeling he gives you when he leans in to kiss you on the lips. How soft and plush his lips feel when they finally brush against yours and the all-around happiness that's forever associated with your relationship and your husband. 

Because you know that light can be dimmed at any given moment.

“Did you hear me?” Jin asks before taking one of your hands and bringing it up to his lips to gently kiss.

“Oh, no. What did you say?”

“I said I love you. You know that, right?”

“Of course I do.” You coerce a little smile but you know he sees right through you. Seven years of marriage can tell you a lot about a person. “I love you too.”

“Good.” He chuckles, “So, are you going to tell me what's wrong?”

“I just have a lot on my mind, that's all.” You frown, knowing he's probably not buying it but there's no way they're not outside and waiting. “I’m fine, baby. I promise.”

Seokjin sighs. He knows you're not but if you won't tell him, he can't force you.

 “I don't know what's going on,” Seokjin starts, placing his hands over top of yours to hold. He doesn't know why you won't tell him and it hurts but, hell let it go… for now. “Just…” He frowns, eyebrows furrowed as he plays with your fingers. For the life of him, he can't understand why you won't say anything. “I'm not going to force you to talk about it but I am here. If you ever want to talk about what's bothering you.”

Once he's said his peace, moves away to turn his back to you and head towards the door. However, something in you doesn't want him to leave. Not when you know what's waiting for you once he leaves.

You grab Seokjin’s hand to pull him back into you as you look him in his eyes. You can see his confusion in the way his brows dip and the way his plump bottom lip purses but he doesn’t say anything. He’s waiting for you to speak first.

“I love you, Jin.” You put an emphasis on telling him how you feel as he smiles softly. His eyes sparkle with some much love. Your heart feels as if it’s going to burst and crumble at the mere thought of hurting him.

“Don't want me to leave, huh?”

You shake your head and throw your arms around his waist to keep him from moving. He can't see the tears that threaten to fall. The way your chest rises and falls with your anxiety spiking. Because no, you don't want him to leave. You want to be safe and sound, back at home and laying in his arms with him telling you everything will be alright. 

“Say it back, please?” 

He misses the desperation in your voice but obliges. Why wouldn't he? You're his wife. His family. He loves you more than life. Of course, he’ll tell you over and over and over again until you believe it. Until you believe him.

“I love you, Honey.”

“How much?” You know you sound small, insecure in his answer when you know he’s telling the truth. You can’t help it because if you know if word got out about what happened… 

You don’t know if Seokjin would be willing to stay by your side through it all. 

“Jin?”

“So much that you’re stuck with me until the end of time.” Seokjin chuckles, pulling you off the desk and into his chest. He cups your face to kiss your lips again before caressing the side of your face. “We’re in this together, baby. 100%.” You nod as he feels the first tear fall, making him more alert to your inner turmoil. He brings a finger up to wipe the stray, noticing your head bowed in defeat. He kneels in front of you as he grabs your cold hands to hold. “Baby, what’s wrong? Talk to me. We don’t keep secrets.”

“I-I can’t…” You whisper, eyes begging Seokjin not to ask again and to not say much more but he’s not satisfied. He hates seeing you like this. Especially when he doesn’t know why you’re feeling the way that you do and there isn't anything he can do.

“Okay, okay… I won’t push anymore.” He frowns, worried but defeated. He stands to his feet to at least pull you into another hug for some comfort. “Maybe you can talk to Namjoon? It’s what he’s here for.” You nod to appease him and give him false hope, but you know you won’t. He’s too close to Seokjin. He would definitely tell him. “You’re not in a state to teach though. Talk to the dean. Maybe he’ll let you have a half-day.”

“I will.” He kisses you on the forehead, holding you tighter before letting you go. He glances at the clock on your wall as he takes your hand to place a kiss on your wedding ring finger. 

”We’ll talk more when I get home tonight, okay?”

“Jin…” 

“Not about this. Just…” He tries to word it differently to not alarm you. “Just us. We haven't had one of our talks in so long, honey.”

You hum in response but you also know your husband. You know he’s going to push until you, eventually, break. He’s just giving you a reprieve right now. Sometimes it’s a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it means you won’t hold things in until you either grow angry at the world or shut down. A curse because sometimes he doesn’t know how to let things go.

“My love, my life.” He whispers, hooking his finger under your chin again. He gives you another peck on the lips before taking a step back. “Are you going to be okay to get home safely? I have class in a little bit but I can as-”

“No, no. I’ll be fine.” You wave him off before leading him to the door. 

Seokjin hums, running his thumb over your ring. “Text me if you go home.”

“I will.” You pat him on the butt to get him moving. “Now get to class before you’re late.”

“Yeah, Yeah. I’ll see you at home.”

You nod before opening the door to the two you were hoping to get away from. Jimin glares at both of you as Jungkook simply walks inside your office without a care in the world. 

“Must be important. See you later, honey.” Seokjin leans in to kiss you on the cheek one last time before heading down the hallway toward the elevator to hurry back to his lecture hall.

You, on the other hand, glance at the pair who are invading your space as you try your hardest to school your emotions. You don’t want to lead on that you’re afraid of what the two will do.

“What can I do for you two?”

Jimin rolls his eyes before smirking. He takes strides to get to the door before closing it and locking it. While he and Jungkook were waiting on you two to finish being disgusting, he made sure no one else was on the floor.

“You already know why we’re here.”

“We missed you, No- Professor.” You and Jimin notice the younger man correcting himself as he smiles. A smile anyone would love on any other occasion if it didn’t hold malicious intent. “You were taking forever! I was about to bust through the door.” 

“You surely knew we were coming. I know you saw my text.”

“He’s my husband.” You frown, glancing at the two before taking a step back. “He was c-checking on me…”

“Aw, how sweet.” Jimin mockingly says. He doesn't mean it, you know that much. “You need to get your emotions in check, professor. Surely, you know what will happen if he finds out.”

“Leave him out of this.”

“He’s already in it.” Jimin laughs, taking strides to get to you before pinning you against your desk. “He married you. That was his mistake. Yours was thinking we would let you go. Especially not after that… performance you gave us.”

He starts at your stomach as he traces up to your chest and then to your neck. 

“But also, for thinking you were anybody else’s but ours.”

“I never gave you that-“ You gasp when his hand tightens around your neck, your eyes widening when you realize he’s cutting off your air. “Y-You're delusional.”

“Don’t say that,” Jungkook warns. Taking a step forward to flank your left. 

“I can’t-“ You try, making eye contact with Jimin but the malevolence in his gaze tells you everything you need to know. He doesn’t care. “P-Ple-“

“What was that? I couldn’t hear you.” 

“P-Please. C-can’t br-br…”

“Let go, Hyung…” 

Jimin releases his grip, letting you slide to the floor as he kneels in front of you. You can feel your head pounding while the ringing in your ears only gets louder. Your hand goes to hold your neck for comfort as you try to get your breathing back under control. 

You look back and forth between Jungkook and Jimin before Jimin stands to his feet to pull you to yours. 

“And, here I was going to tell you, you looked… cute today.” Jimin smirks, watching you tremble in place. He feels he’s scared you enough. “God, you make it too easy.”

“Stop, please…” You plead with your captor, wanting nothing more than for them to leave you alone. Find someone else to torture and play with. Although, you wouldn't wish this on any of the other people or teachers on campus. You really can’t recall what you did to make them begin to behave this way. 

“Sorry, professor.” Jimin shrugs. “We can’t do that.”

“You’re too much of a prize for that.” Jungkook smiles wide and it unnerves you even more. What are they talking about?

“Prize? I’m not a fucking object for you to win.” You glare at the two students as the mascara you carefully applied this morning rolls down your cheek. 

Jimin grips your jaw to turn your face toward his. The pain became unbearable as it shot through your jaw. You fight to keep them from doing anymore damage but he knows his grip hurts. It's the reason he hasn't let go and the reason your fight is diminishing. They know it’s only a matter of time before you break.

And what a mental break it will be.

“Do you know how many of your students wish to be in our position?” Jimin questions, stalking around your body as you stand, stunned at his words. 

“What?” You frown before turning to face Jimin but the scowl on his face proves to be too much. Instead your voice grows quieter and you become unsure of the words you’re saying. “That's not true.”

“Oh but it is, professor.” He spits your title like venom as he halts his movement in favor of looking you up and down. From the white silk tank top covered by the cute baby cardigan to the skin tight black skinnies and heeled boots, Jimin wanted to rip all of it off of you. He brings his finger to hook underneath your necklace to use it to pull you closer while smirking. “Do you know how many of your students want to be in your husband’s position? And Vice Versa? Granted, we don't care about him…”

“You drive most of us crazy and you don’t even know it.” 

Jungkook takes the step to move behind you to sandwich you between the two men. He moves closer and once he deems himself close enough, he kisses down your neck and brings his hands to caress down your arms. His left hand goes up to your neck to wrap around it while his right hand grips your hands behind your back. 

“You’re lucky it’s us and not someone else,” He grunts, squeezing your neck harder but not enough to hurt.

“That’s enough, Jungkook.” Jimin warns, eliciting a sigh from Jungkook. Instead, he goes back to kissing you everywhere his lips can touch. Your neck, the side of your face and lips (just to name a few). Your breathing increases with each kiss, anxiety spiking as you struggle against his grip. You can feel how hard both of them are through their pants. “You see what you do to us?” There’s a sense of teasing to his tone, so sickeningly sweet that it makes you want to vomit.

How did it ever escalade this far?

However, before it can go any further than it has, you hear the door handle jiggle as if someone is trying to get in.

They know it’s Seokjin. The fear in your eyes is evident.  

“Honey? Are you still there?” He tries the handle again but to no avail, it doesn’t open. “Why is the door locked?”

Jimin clasps his hand over your mouth when you let out a whimper (no doubt trying to alert your husband). He grits his teeth in annoyance, his eyes glaring into you as if to warn you not to do it again. He glances at Jungkook who nods and moves from behind you as he accidentally knocks your purse to the ground. 

“Be quiet!” Jimin's tone is harsh, noticing how the younger shrinks into himself.

“S-Sorry, Hyung.” He whispers before frowning. Jimin waves him off, turning back to you and noticing how you’re trembling in his grasp.

“Don’t say a word.” Jimin grits through his teeth, lips so close to your ear causing you to shudder. You nod, not wanting to piss them off even more than you have. Jimin’s rings dig into your neck as he squeezes to give you a warning. “Hide under the desk.”

You don’t move as all of you hear Seokjin’s keys jingling behind the door. They thought they were safe but of course, life always throws a curveball.

Jimin rips your cardigan off and tosses it on your desk before moving to grip your tank top.

“Move. Now. Jungkook go hide,” Jimin screams, his eyes full of fire as he rips open your tank to reveal an amazing sight. Your breast sits perky and high because of the lace bra you wore today. In addition, it's always a pleasure to see your breasts.

Jimin smirks, watching you instinctively cover yourself from his and Jungkook’s intense view. You quickly move away from them. Your heart races at the thought of your husband seeing you in this compromised position.

Both of their eyes darken as they continue to stare and lick their lips. Jimin deliberately takes another step forward but you're quicker at pulling back. He smirks again. His eyes still trained on you and you can't help but feel a chill run down your spine. The feeling of being embarrassed and exposed is ever so present.

You're cornered.

Trapped.

Though your cat and mouse game is interrupted when you hear the key being put into the lock.

“Hide.” Jungkook nods, glancing toward the small closet that lines the wall by your door and quickly gets inside. Jimin pushes you to hide underneath your desk. While glaring at you, he clamps his hand over your mouth to keep you from making any stupid decisions. He’s so close, you can feel his breath tickle your cheek as the tears fall on top of his hand. 

Seokjin steps inside as the door creaks open. Jimin can feel your heart drumming against your chest. 

You want to scream for your husband but you’re afraid of what Jimin will do to you if you do. He’s already drugged you, touched you against your will and continues to blackmail you with the video they took of you the first time. You don’t want to know if he will physically harm either of you too.

“You’re so pretty when you cry, sweetheart.” Jimin whispers, but low enough that only you can hear him. He decides to lick your tears off of his hand before grinning almost unnaturally. 

It makes you cry harder.

“She must have gone home.” Seokjin concludes before pulling out his phone to call you. You hear the soft buzz within your purse that’s sitting on the other side of the desk. Your ringtone blares when you realize his ringtone is playing. You and Jimin’s eyes widen when you hear Seokjin’s footsteps getting closer to bend down and pick up your purse. “That’s weird.”

Your computer chair shields most of the compromising position the both of you are in. You just hope he doesn’t lean in too far. You don’t know how you’ll explain any of this to him without the idea of you cheating blares at the forefront of his mind. 

That’s far from what this is.

Jimin shakes his head, mouthing for you to stay quiet. His eyes drag down your chest, yanking down the offending piece of clothing. You try to fight him but his hand instinctively goes to your throat to choke you.

“Stop.”

Jimin grabs your breasts, the left being squeezed and groped. All the while, he brings the right nipple closer to his mouth to lick a strip over your nipple. You arch your back at the feeling, putting your fist in your mouth and biting down to try and stay quiet. He nips at the barbell piercing that’s poking through your nipple.

At that moment, you can hear Seokjin huff as his dress shoes click against the wooden floor. When you hear your door click, you shove Jimin away as you hurry to fix your clothes.

“Where are you-”

“Get out of my office.” You grind your teeth, fixing your clothes as best you can. You realize some of your buttons are messed up but that’s nothing your cardigan won’t fix. “Get out!”

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

You know why and you hate the fact that he’s able to hold that power over you. Helpless, Heartbroken, and Worn. You can’t help but feel exhausted over all of this.

Before you can say another word, Seokjin comes running back into the room to see your disheveled state.

[kafus]

ok i've decided i want to infodump about vee and nova a little after all! because uhh not only am i impatient because autism but i also. want to dip my toes into talking about this. just days ago i was still terrified but now i am Tentatively Brave... if i can talk about it here casually like this then i should be able to write a more formal summary later some other time

i've tagged this post appropriately (at least i think i have, feel free to suggest if i should add more) but also a heads up here too before i keep talking that while i'm not going into graphic detail on anything there are STRONG themes of organized sexual abuse of a child, sexual abuse of animals, and grooming! (there are no disturbing visuals in this post, just text)

IF YOU CAN'T READ THIS POST THAT'S OKAY I STILL LOVE U

takes a deep breath alright so the deal with these two. back all the way in 2021, i decided i wanted to make "vent ocs" as in i just wanted some concrete/consistent designs i could use in vent art drawings that weren't a direct reflection of what i envision myself to look like or whatever. i was going through a lot in 2021, in december 2020 i had just gotten my first big repressed memory back and my life was in a whirlwind of change and heavily increased PTSD and DID symptoms, so i was using art a lot as an outlet. in the end i settled on this drawing, based on the design taste i would have had as a young person (god the quality is so old now LOL i've improved a lot but anyway)

i was intending for these two to be just visual designs and nothing more than that but i got attached and actually ended up giving them a whole storyline and everything, which is something i admittedly hadn't done in a long time up to that point so that's cool.

the reason i preface explaining the premise of the storyline with this is because i think it's important to acknowledge that these two are intrinsically tied with my real life and the feelings i experience as a CSA/OA survivor. not because i think someone has to go through awful things to write or draw about them necessarily, but because i am passionate about expressing myself. it's important for me to be seen in some way, to be heard after years of silence. it is not safe for me mentally to share the exact details of my abuse online rn (and please don't ask for them!) but i also don't want these two to be removed from the message that i survived something and this is me making art about that in an abstracted and magical way with a fictional universe that brings me a lot of comfort. i hope this makes sense lol

oh and also with that in mind if you think for even a second any of this is a weird sex thing for me or some shit please stop reading this post and go do something else with your time. this is my trauma expression and i don't need to be compared to the people i was abused by when i was a literal toddler thank you!

AANYWAY so! premise! gonna be point blank with it! vee (not her original name but shh) is born as a normal 100% human girl, aka without the eevee ears and tail. she is groomed from a very young age (like, toddler age) and eventually abducted by her groomers which happen to be members of... well right now it's team rocket because i haven't spent the time to worldbuild a new villainous pokemon organization yet. roll with me here. she is taken to a remote facility out in the middle of fucking nowhere and is never returned to her previous life or family.

Why? well i'm glad you asked! the org is running a bunch of different experiments in this facility and one of them happens to be trying to enable humans reproducing with pokemon. this doubles as both a money thing and a power thing. they seek out a child as the victim of these horrible experiments because children are easily malleable. way easier to control a child than an adult who already has a firm identity/self.

vee is the child they chose. surgery is forcibly done on her to give her working eevee ears and tail, and also like, fuck with her body chemistry and stuff. she's biologically part eevee now. yes this is bullshit pokemon magic science LMAO but she is kept in this facility and chronically sexually abused for a few years by pairing her with various mons and trying to get eggs to happen.

the experiment isn't working though so they hypothesize that giving her a dedicated partner, especially of the same evolutionary line, would help, and they raise nova from birth as an eevee to take on that role. eventually the two of them are paired together. despite the acts they are forced to commit on each other and the abuse they endure, they actually become inseparable very quickly cause like. they don't have anyone else. and also they just genuinely care about each other. additionally at this point nova has evolved into an espeon and has telepathic powers, so him and vee can communicate linguistically with each other, so you know that helps

generally my current focus of this story is in the early years, when vee is 12 and younger, before they start realizing that shit is fucked up and they need to escape (up until that hypothetical point they have been successfully groomed into believing everything happening to them was not abuse/was normal). i have left out a metric fuckton of detail here just to get across the basic premise. i am constantly exploring vee's psyche, nova's psyche, it's like an in depth exploration of the mind of an abused child in horrific circumstances and god it's cathartic. i love these two so fucking much

btw i guess this art has more context now huh haha after i infodumped off the plot to my sister they looked at this art again and was like. OHHH THIS IS EVEN MORE OMINOUS AND HARD TO LOOK AT WITH CONTEXT. AND I WAS LIKE YEAH!!!! YOU SEE THE VISION!!! THE SYMBOLISM!! ETC!!!!

uh yeah if you read this far thank you and i just wanna say i've been building up the courage to talk about these two for GENUINELY two years, it has been over 2 full years since that initial drawing, and i am nervous and jittery posting this but i do not want to die without having shared my work with the world and i'm willing to take the risks to get my voice out there. so you reading it is very much appreciated ur like my first step into being more confident as a survivor lol

oh and fwiw despite these guys being so correlated with my trauma it's not offensive to make headcanons or ask me questions about them or compliment darker art of them however you want, in fact i love that shit!! please i've been holding these guys back for two years i have so much to say that hasn't been said. as much as i am nervous i am EXCITED

[fullscoreshenanigans]

Your analyses are the best. They are so fun to read and I over think everything afterwarrs

Thank you!

For analyses above my level, I highly recommend checking out these if you haven't already read them:

The two chapters of Kei Toda's Reading The Promised Neverland with a British/American Literature Scholar (2020) that have been translated into English by fans (Chapter 2: Religion by @thathilomgirl & @0hana0fubuki0 | Chapter 3: Gender by @1000sunnygo)

Anime Feminist's "Emma’s Choice: The gender-norm nightmare at the heart of The Promised Neverland" article (2018) (good follow-up to Toda's chapter on gender)

Jackson P. Brown's "Thoughts on… The Promised Neverland, and Black Women in Manga" (2018) blog post and Zeria's video essay/blog post (2019) on Krone's depiction

Jairus Taylor's "The Unfulfilled Potential of The Promised Neverland Anime" (2021) which made me more open to the idea of a remake of S1

For tumblr posts (some of these I'm linking through my blog because I either had a minor link addition or think the OP's/prev's tags deserve to be seen and rebloggable, but you can just click through to the original post):

@puff-poff's exploration of the demon world's culture (Part 1 & Part 2)

@just-like-playing-tag's examination of the farm system, Emma character analysis launched by a minute change in S2e02, and mini-Isabella analysis regarding her treatment of Ray (along with her blog just being a wealth of knowledge in general)

@hylialeia's post on the series' handling of Norman's plan/the oppressed and oppressors

@avadescent's analysis of the S2 ED album art (Norman and Emma are perpendicular; Emma and Ray are parallel.)

@linkspooky has a lot of analyses from when the series was running but special mention to this analysis of Norman's character

@vobomon also has a lot but special mention to her Norman is autistic and Norman has PTSD posts

@goldiipond's "Ray is autistic" essay

@emmaspolaroid with some of the best Emma and Emma & Isabella meta in general

@nullaby's post on Isabella and Ray's relationship