#if you follow me and you haven't seen this show what are you doing respectfully

[mashmouths]

[fabbyf1]

Hi!

I’m not sure of this is how to go about this correctly.

I’m not sure what your position is on others drawing inspiration/directly from your incredible fan fiction writing but, on Ao3 there is a fic called ❤️lestappen- One shorts💙 by lestapeeen. The most recent chapter (14) is very similar to the monza chapter of long live(twwct) specifically the piggy back and proposal promise. some of the dialogue is exactly the same.

I figured you should know. If it’s a cool with you or if you knew already, sorry to be a bother.

DISCLAIMER: This post, by no means, is asking for ANYBODY to send this author mentioned (and tagged) below hate. On anon or main. I have been pretty damn clear with my feelings on the matter below. They know what they've done, and I won't stand for it. Nobody needs to make this worse by sending them death threats. With that out of the way, let's deep dive, shall we?

YOU KNOW WHAT?

First off, god bless you, bestie. God BLESS you. I want to smooch you on your incredibly wonderful forehead. Thank you so much for bringing this to my attention. I cannot be everywhere at once and cannot possibly read every fanfic posted to AO3, but it's not fucking cool for people to straight-up plagiarize my shit.

Secondly, I'd like to ask that if ANY of my followers come across something that looks very suspiciously similar to my fics, please let me know. You can for sure send it on anon, or send me a dm.

Now, with that being said, I clicked on this fucking fic not knowing what to think. I went into it with a pretty open mind, knowing that there are quite a few authors currently posting fics that are verrrrrrrrrrry similar to my writing style. I've gotten pretty close to calling a few of these authors out but haven't for a few reasons.

Fanfics based on the same ship, in the same canon setting, are always going to be... let's use the word "similar" here. The plot can only change so much when you're following canon events, you know? I don’t write AUs, so I’m only going off canon-inspired fics. My fics generally follow along with canon timelines and therefore, other author’s fics that follow the same timeline are going to be... similar. I get that and accept that.

Characterizations are bound to be... well, fuck it, let's use that word "similar" again. I'm gonna be pretty forgiving when someone's Max is damn near the same as my Max because one: I'm a good and forgiving person, and two: I think my characters (while totally fucking fictional) are very life-like to the real person. So, with that in mind, when I read a fic with characterizations similar to mine... I will usually give somebody grace... and accept that maybe, just possibly, they see Max Verstappen (the person) the same way I do (fictionally) and it’s a big old coincidence that our fics read so similar. You know? Does that make sense?

But with all that being said, I’m not a fucking idiot. 

And honestly? I give more grace than I should on this goddamn website. (lmfao, respectfully.) This is sadly not the first time that somebody has very much written in my likeness, and I know it won't be the last. But this is definitely the boldest version of plagiarism I've seen. I haven’t clicked on any chapter except for 14, and I heavily skimmed the first part, but let’s take a little deep dive into some of the highlights. Because I will show the receipts, bestie.

from their story:

from long live:

..... right, let's move on.

from their story:

from long live:

okay................. sure

from their story:

from long live:

If you're going to plagiarize my shit... you could at least put it in a different font, so to speak. "Hey, can I copy your homework?” “Sure, but change it up a bit.” 

Girlie pop, you stopped even trying to change it the fuck up. 

Let me be clear: I do not authorize anybody to translate, re-post or distribute my work without my written consent. This is in a disclaimer (that I will post below) in every single one of my fics. Taking MY dialogue is NOT okay. 

Direct quote from the beginning note of Long Live:  DISCLAIMER #4: This is 100% fictional, and I do not own any person, team, or sponsor referenced in this story. I mean no offense to any person(s) mentioned and characterized in this story. I am not affiliated with any part of Formula 1 or its subsections. Please do not translate, re-post, or distribute my work without my written consent. I will cry.

To sum up, writing is not easy, and it takes time and effort. Time away from my friends, my girlfriend, my family. Time away from my job and my other hobbies. Long Live is 76 thousand words and took me countless hours to write.

To have somebody so blatantly and disrespectfully post MY SHIT as their own and not even try to give me credit? To not write a note that said, “Heyyyyy go read long live, which I [clearly] really enjoyed!” or even a “Some of this dialogue was inspired by @fabbyf1” or even just a “lmfao some of this i didn’t write but the rest i did” really pisses me off.

Why did it ever have to come to this?

I am SO disappointed right now.

Happy fucking Friday, I guess.

For full transparency, here is the link to their fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55255699 and here is the link to their tumblr: @l-estappen

Here is the link to MY fic, which was posted on April 2nd, 2023, and written in Google Docs with revision history about a month before that. I have receipts out the fucking ass, my dear. https://archiveofourown.org/works/46190509/chapters/116284915

Be well.

[losojos-decupido]

[TOAEpiphany2025 Intermission]

neuro | kill and diegado & moron Request: `[1d3]` Roll: `[3]` Result: `3` Reason: `cmere dedue baby`

Between the utter tomfoolery of, in layman's terms, getting jumped in a bar and separating themselves; Dedue is sure his tension headache would never end. He and Bernadette had gotten along well during their time together even while being on the opposing sides of the do-or-don't spectrum. The fact he had to carry her, even past her needing his help, shows that. But he wouldn't complain about their time together...

Well, except the lady who came up to the both, trying to appeal to them both to ride something. At first he had felt shame for turning her down so harshly, and potentially over a misunderstanding from his eardrums still hammering from running, but then she went for Bernadette after he was skewering a man to assist General Matthias. To say he wasn't amused after that would not shock anyone who could see his glare.

Walking alongside his teammates after exiting the city, he preferred to be on foot as they marched out of the city—shadow casted from perhaps Hooded Bandits watching them leave, but not following once they all had come to conviene. By the time his mind had stopped racing, they could see their own settlement in the distance, and he could hear a more jovial voice to his right. Casting a glance, he spots Fogado: someone he came to rarely talk too during their expedition, but he had walked with careful scrutiny. He would have an answer, surely...

As the man comes around, he hails the man. "Sir Fogado." He is respectfully. "I must ask you a question. You are far more in the know than I with informal address and topics, and I haven't been able to surmise if it's offensive to me, or not. Would you mind me requesting your opinion?"

With that he explains the situation with the lady who tames and handles horses: her tone, her offering drinks to him and Bernadette, her odd request to show off "their Riding skills" to her, and her persistent behavior after the skewering of a Hooded Stalker by Dedue and Matthias. He truly was at a loss. He'd take any explanation at this point.

the only nat3s i roll are the ones that are necessary.

fogado feels itchy after the supply run.

it's bone-deep; something that he can't sate with scratching alone. he was so close to revealing a side of himself that stays at the very, very bottom of his being---he's lucky there hadn't been an audience at his worst moments.

for now, however, it's important to ignore those feelings and go about checking on the others. the whole reason he lives is to make sure others live, too! it's important to remember this.

right now is a good time to forget all of this because he is being approached by one of the most gorgeous men he has ever seen in his whole life. tall, with a chiseled jaw and a chest the size of a battleship's, eyes that are so deeply contemplative and carry an expression not even fogado can put to appropriate words. he is so beautiful that someone needs to write a song about him. someone needs to make a painting of him and hang it up where everyone can see it. someone needs to get on their knees screaming and crying and holding their head in their hands to get across to him how insane his beauty makes them.

fogado clears his throat. he was asked something, probably. what was it? he was too busy with thinking about stuff.

" uhh... ha ha, sir fogado? " that had been something he'd picked up. if there's one thing he won't have, it's weird formalities. " come on! y'don't have to do all that. just ' fogado ' is fine! oh, and your name was...? "

he's told that and more---when dedue elucidates him on his and bernadetta's horse-tastic adventures, he does have to hold back a snort. accosted by horse girls? boy, did he wish he could have seen that.

" well, here's my opinion---there's lots of people who like horse stunts. y'know, like doing barrels and jumping hurdles and stuff? " he uses his hands to gesticulate as he talks, wanting to simultaneously shoot the breeze with a friend and impress dedue specifically so he will talk to him again. " i don't mean to brag or anything... but i can do a backflip on my horse while shootin' a bow and arrow. maybe she wanted you to do something like that? it's all about that horse finesse, brother, all about that horse finesse... "

[mothertoall2]

Part of Their World (RE Age Regression)

Chapter 3: First Day

Description: This story takes place in a world where Age Regression is normalized and accepted. As a child you were taken by Mother Miranda and experimented on with the T virus, after years of captivity you don't show responses to the experiments and are sent to be a maid at the Dimitrescu Castle. None of the other maids like you, and Lady Dimitrescu always keeps a close eye on you. This is a little gn reader story and if you don't like it you may respectfully leave, this is not a fetish book and is sfw, thank you and have a splendid day.

Warnings: Injury

Y/n's POV

Once everybody had left I was left alone to my room. I look around again and the dust and cobweb covered room and try to imagine how I can fix up this room. I know I won't be able to do anything about the giant hole in the roof but I can clean up the rest of the room over time. I guess I should have seen this coming when mother gave me away. Of course she would not send me to someone who would treat me how she did.

I make a mental list in my head on what I can do to fix up the room. It really needs a good dusting and I'm sure there is a village near by, I could buy some carpets and drapes for the floor and windows. While going through the list I let out a big yawn and realize that I should get some sleep before starting work tomorrow. It shocks me that I was chosen to clean the west wing which is of highest importance.

I take my bag and unpack the few items I was allowed to bring with me onto the vanity and trunk. I put my three pairs of pants into the trunk as well as your four shirts and my semi formal suit. I place my comb onto the vanity as well as my book and my glasses. I gently place the stuffed fox onto the bed under the thin blanket. I don't want anyone knowing about it, they would call me childish just as mother had.

Once I'm unpacked I decide to get some rest. I take my pajama shirt out of my bag and I put it on. I don't like sleeping in pants, it is very uncomfortable so instead I sleep in just my underwear. I neatly fold my dirty clothes onto the table and walked over to the bed. I sat onto the bed and it squeaked as I moved back the cover. I got under them and tried to get comfortable on the rock hard mattress. It didn't take long to discover that I won't be getting a nice sleep tonight.

I lay in bed and let my mind drift everything that has happened today. I lost the only person I've ever had. No. I hadn't lost her, she gave me away to be a maid. I have no sort of comfort anymore. The room I had for eighteen years is gone, the routines and structure is all gone. Before I know it I feel the tears along down my face. The warm drops of salty water drifting down onto the stained mattress until it disappears. I know that tears signify weakness but I can't stop them right now.

I let my thoughts run wild about not only the events of today but also the events of my life. I know only what I was told and shown. I have always followed all of mother's rules and expectations and I haven't disobeyed her since I was five. Even that was a big mistake and I learned from it. I did everything yet I was never enough I just don't understand.

At some point I must have cried myself to sleep because next thing I know I am woken up to a bright light shining in my eyes. I sit up and open my eyes to see the sun glaring down. By the height it is around six in the morning. Remembering everything that happened yesterday I get out of bed to be prepared. I quickly realize that I don't have a uniform and curse myself that I didn't think to ask for one.

"Finally you're awake." I hear a familiar voice suddenly speak from the corner of the room causing me to jump back and land on my butt in front of the bed. I hear a chuckle and look over to the corner to see Bela staring at me with clothes in her arms. "You scare quite easily child." She says in a amused tone and I look down feeling the embarassment turn my cheeks red.

"Here is your schedule and once you are dressed in uniform you may begin by cleaning Daniela's room and then some of the spare rooms after you finish you may explore or find something to do." I reply with a polite yes ma'am as I take the clothes from her and watch her disperse into flies and leave.

I put on the uniform and put on my shoes and quickly comb out my hair and get it out of the way. I make the bed and hide my fox under the blankets. I make my way out of the room and decide to take the long way so I don't get lost on my first day. I don't know the castle halls yet so I decide that's what I'm going to do with my free time.

I get to the stairs and decide to take two at a time to get there faster but I trip on the crack of the stone stair. I try to catch myself with my arms and instead I scrape my elbows falling down. I feel the skin break from its spot and feel the cold air against the spot. I hit my knees along the stone trying to brace myself and land at the final step on top of my arm feeling it bend in ways it shouldn't.

I hiss in pain and lay there for a moment. I slowly try to stand myself up with my arms but the pressure causes me to fall again. I feel a sharp pain in my arm and mutter a string of curses. I use my other arm to pull myself back onto my butt as I sit my legs in front of me. I slightly pull up my pants to see blood staining the inside. As the warm copper smell floods my nose I get a weird feeling. A desire, a hunger something I've never felt before.

My head shoots up as I hear someone clearing their throat. Caroline is looking down at me with an annoyed expression rolls her eyes. "S-sorry miss Caroline I fell" I say looking down. She scoffs at me before speaking up "Get off the floor you lazy brat, now I know why Miranda gave you away." Her words sting like a blade piercing my heart, maybe she's right. I know I can't cry so I get up and keep moving to the west staircase and start climbing. As I walk I can hear Caroline muttering to herself but I ignore what she's saying.

As I climb the staircase I feel my arm and I don't feel anything broken. It just hurts maybe I am being dramatic. I keep walking through the hall looking at each door, I was never told which room was Daniela's so I just am going to have to guess. As I examine each door I come across a door that has a well carved cursive D on it.

I guess this is Daniela's room. As I get there I realize that I have no cleaning supplies I don't know what to do. I was never told where it is. As I'm panicking the door opens to reveal Daniela herself. She seems confused as she looks past me around the hall until her eyes land on me. She hesitantly speaks "Come in y/n Caroline dropped off the cleaning cart already." She steps aside offering me entry to her room.

I look around the room and it looks like a hurricane ran through it. There are dresses all over the floor and stones scattered as well as multiple other items. There is plenty of dust and cobwebs covering corners and surfaces making the room seem old. I see the cart next to the door that has dusters and spray bottles of water and cloths to tidy the room.

Daniela sits on the bed as I get to work on tidying up. I start with the clothes and place them in her basket in the corner. I dust off her table and gather the cobwebs from the corner. I am working on the books case when Daniela speaks up. "Are you bleeding?" She seems curious her voice light. "No." I can hear her stand up and walk a few steps behind me. "That's a lie, try again."

I hesitate before nodding my head still not turning around. "Better. What happened?" She asks as she gently gravel my arm and sits me on her bed. "I fell down the stairs earlier." I say embarrassed and she giggles a little. "You must be careful you'll hurt yourself-" she pulls up my pant legs and grabs something from her table drawer and walks back over to me.

"You're like a bug, you're tiny and fragile so you must be careful and watch where you step." She states like it's a fact. I grumble at her calling me tiny. "I'm not tiny." She giggles again and taps my nose "You are very tiny, you're a little bug!" I glare at her trying to show her how offended I am by her words. She pulls out some cream and gently applies it to my knees before wrapping a bandage around them.

"How did you know I was bleeding?" I ask curiously as she moves to bandage my elbows. She scrunches her face as she concentrates. "Because I could smell it." I hum in response as I think about it. Once she finishes treating my scrapes I get up and finish her room. I make sure everything is organized except for the weird assortment of rocks.

"What are the rocks for?" I decide to ask he. She looks up from her book to look at me and she smiles. "Well they are minerals, I like to collect the different ones." I smile that sounds really cool, I look over at her book and look at the title 'The princess bride' I look up at her. "Is that a good book?" Her smile widens as she pats the spot on the bed next to her.

I hesitantly sit on the bed next to her and look at her. "I'll read it to you, it's one of my favorites!" She says excitedly but I remember that I have other rooms to clean. "I can't right now I have other rooms to clean." Her smile falls and she pouts at me. "Well too bad you can do that later!" She says stubbornly, I feel as though I have no say in this so I nod and get comfy. She starts reading the story next to me and I carefully listen. This feels nice, it feels right.

[alicepao13]

Hudson and Rex S02E13 - In Pod We Trust

This is a serious episode. Somewhat.

I can't get over the fact that they all want to listen to true crime podcast when not only are they with the police but they deal with murders all the time.

What the hell, dude? Do you not have a home?

Rex: I don't know what the fuck a podcast is but it allows me to eat Charlie's burger while he's distracted so it must be good.

Me neither. Although, in S3 we learn that Charlie had followed the news of a case of a notorious serial killer when he was like in high school, so I guess it's the true crime aspect of it.

"How did he get up there? That dog is a ninja". You haven't seen anything yet.

This is a better cops-done-wrong episode than the one that was written during the BLM movement period. The latter was basically trying to placate the audience and was presenting cops reacting unrealistically as they find out that they're part of the problem, coming off as disingenuous. Cops would not react that way. Still, it's Hudson and Rex, so I don't expect much of a balanced script in terms of that, and I've seen other (bigger and more expensive) crime shows go off the deep end when when the time came to write such episodes. They do try to handle difficult issues respectfully, I'll give them that. However, this is still a cop show. I mean, if you're ashamed that you're making a cop show... don't make it?

lol Jesse saying that the case files from 20 years ago haven't been digitized because they're ancient, in front of Joe who was already a cop back then. "I think you've just bought yourself a one-way ticket to those ancient archives". That's fair.

"I went [to the crime scene] to make sure that you didn't bury the truth, again". There's a misunderstanding. See, Charlie is a good white cop™.

Hi, Vicky, who later got a redemption storyline a lot of characters would have dreamed of.

Rex, huh?

Protestors using the imaginative slogan "Do your jobs". Awful. Do yours, writers.

"But... But... they still love me, right?"

Joe: "We have to be really careful with the optics on this one". You've put an innocent in jail, I think you should care more about that.

She totally said SJDP instead of SJPD. Oops.

Dude, I know Charlie is white but you don't have to tell him a hundred times that this case is a hot potato.

"If you come peacefully, you'll be treated fairly," he says to a man who was wrongly incarcerated for 20 years!

Booking the black guy, releasing the white police guy. I mean... I'd have asked the question too.

Well, that lasted all of 2 minutes. You can argue and have tension for like 5 minutes. It won't kill you guys.

Yeah, I wouldn't trust him just for that. I mean, that was 20 years ago. During which Joe continued climbing the ranks inside the police, which means that he could have easily stopped caring about justice more than he could afford to.

This show's attempts to write some of the jargon and phrases that would otherwise be said in a proper police procedural but can't be said on this "family show" is hilarious. I assume we can't say "ass"? Like, I have no issue believing the actress in her role, I think she's good, but the dialogue...

Enjoying Charlie's on-screen suffering once again.

Joe, like 10 minutes ago: We have to be careful about the optics in this case. Charlie: Nah, I have a murder to solve.

I bet Charlie is reminiscing the good old days where suspects were intimidated by the police right about now.

"You think I murdered Ty for ratings?" People have killed for 20 bucks.

Police corruption in the SJPD is rampant. The only clean cops are our cops lol

Okay, you need at least a second paperclip, amateur. Also, in the second shot, the paperclip is not blue.

I like that line. And she's partially right. Except for the whole murder thing.

I can't help thinking that Joe was right not to get involved further back then. That way, he kept his job, he survived a toxic environment, and even managed to rise to a rank where he can now make an actual difference. And he kept his soul. I'm sure if we were to delve deeper into it, we'd have seen the cost of that on his conscience, but it still led him to where he is now. And where he is now is not a bad place. Camilla cannot understand any of that because she hasn't been nor will she ever be in that position.

Well, turns out they did all this for nothing as Tyler had recorded his own confession and it just arrived to Phoebe a few days after solving the case.

Yeah... I don't think Romeo would want to see a cop within a hundred yards ever again. But we have to get our happy cheesy ending.

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

I'm torn here - I love discussion, I don't want to insulate myself from interesting, nuanced discussion. On the other hand, a takeaway I've had in life lately is sometimes you just have to let it go. You can't change it. You just have to move on. And the constant heavy discussion can be a lot to read and absorb. She also has the unique situation of being a prolific writer, deeply relatable, near universal womanhood experiences and also, because the nature of her image, I don't always want to discuss her how I would an author, especially an author who is long gone. Idk if this makes any sense, I enjoy following you, but I sometimes feel myself getting bogged down by the very discussions I also enjoy.

I understand that, I really do, but I think it's also natural for topics to come up and to respond to them, like you would in conversation with friends in real life. Sometimes you don't talk about things for weeks or months and then your friend says something and it sparks a whole discussion, and I think that's the same way it works on platforms like this. And again with the utmost respect and kindness and gratitude, I think there's a difference between what gets discussed on a platform like, say, tumblr, where the blogging DNA lends itself to longer, more thoughtful and often collaborative discussion, and what may happen on other platforms that are more "soundbite"-y. (I don't know, tumblr is the only social media I use, but I know twitter is a cesspool in general and primed for ragebait for engagement, unlike this hellsite held together by duct tape and spite and cupcakes.)

And I'm the first to admit, I don't delve like this at all into any other musician or author or artist for the most part. The closest analog I can think of are the TV shows I used to love before they were dead to me. But I also think part of that is again, Taylor is uniquely prolific in this day and age so there is so much art to digest, and she's been uniquely honest in sharing her experiences in the past that many of her contemporaries hadn't in the same way, so yes, it drove the whole parasocialism thing to an extent. I personally don't see this as an inability to let go; the conversations I've seen here are mostly thoughtful, nuanced and often borne out of people's own personal experiences as well, and I think there's a difference between jumping into a quasi-literary analysis of her work and like, harassing the "players" involved. (The latter would absolutely be an inability to let go, but luckily I don't see any of that in my little corner here, and I would hope that's an outlier experience.) There's nothing to let go for any of us because it wasn't our "thing" in the first place, and only belonged to the people involved. I think what most of us relate to are the feelings and what that makes us think about our own experience with them. Taylor has written something like over 300 songs, so it feels pretty normal to listen to something you maybe haven't heard in awhile (again, because there are so many) and be like, huh, this kind of jumps back into this other theme we've been talking about lately.

And another thing I'm going to say again with the utmost respect and kindness, and this is not directed at you but at the internet at large (lol) is that: at the end of the day, these are all our own blogs, our own spaces to share what we personally find interesting to talk about. My blog is not a discussion board for all to contribute in equal weight; it's a place for me to engage with content I enjoy with people I enjoy, both personally and from afar, and I sincerely hope everyone else is able to do the same on their own blogs. No blogger here should feel like they have to cater to anyone else but their own interests and enjoyment, the only thing that matters is to do so respectfully towards others and the art with which we interact. (Maybe that's why I'm not an ask blog and occupy a tiny unknown space here lol. Which to be clear is just fine with me.) Sometimes there are great conversations going on the dash and I like to jump in with my own thoughts, other times I'm not interested or don't have the brain space for it and skip. It's whatever you're in the mood for on a given day.

Which again is where curating your experience comes in, whether that's following/unfollowing, filtering, etc. I know I'm guilty of poorly tagging my shit because tumblr is terrible at it in general, but keywords are easy for me to filter at least, and then I can choose if I want to engage or not. (At least, that's how I have my dash curated. There are some topics I just don't care for, so I've filtered the words, and if once in awhile I see a filtered post and I think, hmm, maybe I'm OK with that today, I'll click on it to see what's going on.) Or, I can simply scroll past, too. I'm not at all saying this to be condescending, I'm just saying what works for me personally so I can protect my own peace and navigate what I do and don't want to talk about at a given time, if that's at all helpful to anyone else. At the end of the day, you as a reader don't owe anyone your eyeballs or real estate in your head, so you don't owe it to anyone to keep up with their blogs if they aren't enjoyable to you at that time. If there were a consistent or better way to tag these topics then maybe I could help others in that way, but I don't know that there is. (I can't even keep tags consistent on my own blog in spite of how I tried at first.)

I get that these are heavy topics and heavy times and are not things everyone wants to see. Hell, there are times *I* don't want to see them either. Which again, is where options come in-- not going on tumblr (or whatever platform) to begin with if I am not up for it, using the tools available (e.g. filtering), unfollowing (tbh have never had to do that in the year and a half I've been in the Swiftie tumblr fandom, where everyone here has been lovely, but I have in the past in other fandoms), or disengaging and cooling off. I'm not saying everyone needs to do this, but again just saying what works for me, and why my dash is mostly a pleasant experience that I can tailor to how I'm feeling during different periods of my life.

I hope I haven't caused you grief anon! And if I have, that you're able to find a corner of the fandom that gives you respite from the heaviness and is more in line with the things you find pleasure in if it's not this. Tbh now that Eras is over (and thus surprise songs are no longer driving some of these conversations) and it seems like Taylor is going into a quieter season to rest and recuperate and create, I imagine most of these discussions are going to taper off in the new year anyway, so it will naturally dissipate and move on as we all find new things to fill our time.

(This is why I hesitated to add my thoughts in the first place, and why I won't be adding more to the discussion.)

[practicalmagicintuitions]

Hello! Been following you on tumblr for a while now because of your interesting energy readings (as well as your use of the tarot readings) on certain individuals! I don't know why this happened to me...but I had a dream about HC last night. In my dream, he was displaying a lot of flirty body language (I normally don't dream about celebrities and generally don't think about him in my day-to-day life) and seemed to radiate a certain kind of...sense of freedom. As if a weight had been lifted. I didn't sense any sort of connection to NV. At all. I'm not going to say that I believe that they've broken up (since we haven't seen anything from either one of them for a while now) as none of us are a part of their private lives...but there was definitely a shift in HC's energy (in my dream) then when he's been photographed in public with her. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong! lol. It's all good and I'm not invested...it was just strange that he showed up in my dream and seemed to both want to talk, and to flirt, and stayed very close to me in the dream. I know you're going to be releasing your report about his possible soulmate/twin flame...so I wonder if maybe now he's starting to wonder about them instead of trying to commit himself to NV.

Looking forward to seeing what you think/interpret from the energies and your cards, respectfully!

Hi!

Thank you for sending this. It's an interesting thing, the dreams. I very rarely have prophetic dreams. Mostly I have just surreal nonsense which comes from my experiences of the day, my daydreaming, my fears etc. So they rarely have any sense or meaning. I am not saying you are wrong, but this dream is maybe just a strong wishful thinking of yours manifested into your dreams. We will see. Dreams also come from our subconscious, so maybe you do not know that you want to see and feel him free from NV.

[aikoiya]

I gotta say, I effing love the Cap, specifically because of him being the moral compass of the team. He is just a good person. Morally upright.

Yes, characters with some edge can be interesting, but so can those who's edge is only honed for the sake of good.

I think the issue is that people don't know how to properly characterize people like that.

I mean, I feel like it's pretty easy to make those with a dark side interesting because we as people are drawn to internal struggle & character conflict & doubts. However, it takes more effort & character building to make one with little to no darkness in them interesting.

Another thing that I really didn't like about the MCU was how Thor was done. I actually really liked where he was at the end of the 1st Thor movie because he was still Thor, but a more mature Thor. That is not how it stayed. At some point, he became the fan service character & the butt of the joke.

I hate how they turned him into an overweight, ill groomed homebody in End Game, not just because he was pretty, but because it felt very disrespectful. However, I can learn to live with that due to it having been part of showing how depressed Thor was.

Like, theoretically, the arc they were apparently going for was a good idea, I just really don't think they executed it correctly.

Like, yes, Thor missing Thanos' head, thus allowing him to get away, would absolutely haunt Thor for years.

My issue is that he's still the butt of the jokes throughout the movie rather than treating his obvious depression respectfully.

Admittedly, I liked the moment of clarity when he met his mother in the past & I liked that moment when Mjolnir came back to him, because as we know, here you have to be worthy of wielding it & worthy of being king of Asgard in order to do so. So, the fact that he could still do so, was admittedly very epic & heartwarming.

Which, I'll talk a little bit about Ragnarok. While I hated that Mjolnir was destroyed, I loved how it helped Thor develop as a character because it meant that Mjolnir was a means by which to help Thor's powers as a god develop rather than the thing that gave him his powers.

I even liked that he lost an eye as if it were a sort of right of passage for the true king of Asgard.

Also, the scene where he summoned lightning was epic. However, despite this, he was still thr buttmonkey even in an episode where he came into his own.

What I really didn't like though, was how they didn't even follow through with the fact that Thor was still worthy of being king by having him give up the position to Valkyrie, because girl power I guess? *scoffs* And for what? To have Thor go "search for himself" again? That's a dumbass excuse.

I just... We know that Thor is worthy of his position, so why abdicate the throne to someone we DON'T know is worthy??

And then, though I haven't seen the movie, in Thor Love & Thunder, he's hot again, but then they gave Mjolnir to Jane, who I was actually pretty excited about being back! I loved them together! And if Jane could wield Mjolnir, then that meant she was worthy of ruling Asgard too, so if she & Thor got married, then there would be no issues!

And please, don't even get me started on the woke, neofeminist trashheap that was She-hulk. The fact that she suggested that being catcalled was worse than watching your father murder your mother as a child & thus she was more used to anger & had more control over it, made me want to effing wring her neck.

MCU's She-hulk is an entitled, misandristic shithead & I hate her.

But... let's just say that I heard some bad stuff about it. Also, I really didn't like the scene where Thor was naked in front of a crowd. Like, yes, he's sexy, but it felt... disrespectful.

That plus the rumor that gay oragies were directly references kinda soured my excitement.

I just, you don't talk directly about oragies in a movie marketed towards kids.

Just finished rewatching first avenger and was kinda thinking about some of the detail diatribes. In the most recent, you said something about marvel failing to give Cap a real purpose in recent media, and now I can't help but think what could be a plausible motive. At some point I started thinking about superman and how marvel and DC have a tendency to parallel, and I was wondering if you think maybe Cap is Marvel's superman equivalent, in that he sets the bar? As a symbol of hope in a sense?

I'd say that's accurate. Captain America is a paragon with a capital P, and the best versions of him play that to the hilt. He won't just always do the right thing, he'll always find a way to do the most right thing. What he brings to the table isn't military experience or tactics, although on a basic power level that is most of what he can contribute to a fight - he brings an unshakeable moral compass and a clarity that cuts through the noise.

I think his portrayal in Earth's Mightiest Heroes does a very good job of getting that across. It's explicit that Cap is the team leader despite being the most underpowered fighter because he's just that good.

And it's not just lip service. Cap works as a leader because the Avengers trust him to lead them right - something that everyone else is too volatile or self-motivated to handle. For instance, Cap is one of the only people the Hulk unconditionally trusts, because Cap cuts through 100% of the bullshit around him and reads him like a book.

There are episodes where Cap gets depowered, weakened, captured, etc - none of it slows him down or makes him unable to contribute to the story. It's very carefully written to prove that the serum didn't make him Captain America, and its super-strength are not what he brings to the table, even if it does help him a lot.

Cap is characterized as a living legend, with all that entails - not a mythological hero with all their atrocities and downfalls, but an inspiration that sets a nearly impossible standard. He's a legendary hero, a paragon of goodness and nobility. He doesn't compromise his morals, he doesn't leave people behind, he will always choose the most heroic course of action no matter what it costs him. He's the definition of "hero" and all the heroes he inspired are constantly aware of how much he really does embody that legend.

The MCU doesn't know what to do with him because they're torn between "Iron Man has to be the most coolest specialest guy" and "the Avengers only exist onscreen together for five movies and they spend four of them breaking up" and there is absolutely no way to do Cap justice in that environment. I think Winter Soldier comes the closest, but of course we still only see Cap leading the B-team. If the MCU can't understand why it needs heroes, there's no way it'll understand why they need the hero.

[lovelytarou]

𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐞

character – jason todd

genre – fluff

word count – 886

summary – bored at one of bruce's parties, jason couldn't get his eyes off of a particular guest. before the night ends, he'll make sure he'll put a smile on their face and have the best dance of their life.

note – purely self-indulgent stuff because i've been on a jason todd brainrot for days now and i just had to write him !! so sorry if i didn't get his character right, this is my first time writing him. and, i also did some adjustments on my writing and the format! n e ways, enjoy!

he's been staring at you the moment you entered the room. you didn't seem to notice the numerous heads that turned whenever you passed by, or the eyes that followed you longingly from afar. 

or in this case, you haven't noticed jason todd stealing glances at you from across the room, admiring your face and the clothes you wore for tonight's ball. 

as soon as speeches were made and the audiences clapped, the band played a song and everybody dispersed in the middle to dance with their partners.

jason saw you standing in a corner all by yourself, sipping your cherry wine while smiling and respectfully declining anyone who offered to dance with you.

taking a big gulp of the same wine he's nursing, he skillfully made his way over to you, dodging moving bodies that are dancing to the beat of the music, almost crashing on a staff or two. finally, he's only two steps away from you.

“hey, didn't think i've seen you around here before.” he smoothly struck up a conversation. 

your head turned to the deep voice that spoke and almost spilled your drink to notice that one of the infamous host's sons came to talk to you. it was jason todd in all his glory – dressed in black tux and a red shirt underneath, you noticed he wasn't wearing any tie with a few buttons popped open on the top. his hair is neatly styled but a few stubborn white strands fell in front of his face.

your breath caught in your throat. he was ruggedly handsome. 

“oh! yeah,” you chuckled nervously, “this is my first time attending the party. i gotta say, it's pretty impressive.”

jason couldn't agree more. bruce always outdone himself when it comes to parties and balls like this, and tonight is no different.

“how are you liking it so far?” jason raised his eyebrow, idly swirling what's left of his drink in his glass as he slowly walked closer.

“um, pretty great. lots of people. great wine…” you trailed off.

he nodded. he can clearly tell you're bored out of your mind in this party. who could blame you? he's been attending these parties for years and it's always the same old thing.

“do you wanna dance?” once again, you were brought out of your stupor because of this fine man in front of you. with such an enticing offer, how could you refuse?

with a nod of your head, jason offered his hand to you, leading you both to the middle of the dancefloor.

carefully placing your hands where they need to be, jason took a step and you followed. it was clumsy at first but you didn't even need to worry when you heard jason chuckle – clearly amused by you and your efforts, before leaning down to whisper in your ear.

“don't worry. i'll lead and you follow. trust me, okay?” with another feeble nod, you let your partner sway you to the beat, heart pounding rapidly inside your chest as you stared at the boy in front of you.

“my name's jason, by the way.” he said after a beat, turning you on the other way.

“yeah, i know you.” you smiled apologetically before saying your name.

“so, y/n, what do you think? am i a great dancer?” the corners of his lips lifted up in a smirk, the hold he has on your waist bringing you close to him.

“i don't know, jason…” you teased him by pretending to think, “you have to prove it better than that.”

he raised both of his eyebrows as if to say, oh so that's how it's gonna be?

“i'll show you 'better', sweetheart.” he winked and as if on cue, the music changed into an upbeat one and before you know it you're catching your breath trying to catch up with jason and his impressive moves.

who knew he could dance like that?

he spun you around, and you swear you got dizzy – exhilaration and the adrenaline are the only things keeping you upright.

you ended up with your back pressed against his chest, feeling his heart pounding through your clothes the same way yours did and for a moment, you turned your head to his, only a hair's breadth away - catching his eye and you both shared a breathless laugh. 

your eyes landed on his wine colored lips, licking your own in anticipation. you seem hypnotized, finding yourself being pulled into him even more. but before you could get any closer, the music stopped and jason pulled away with a cocky grin.

after dancing, jason thought he'd give you a break and led you to an empty space where the both of you can have some privacy.

“was that 'better' enough for you?” you heard before you saw the smile on jason's lips, from where you're almost crouching down from exhaustion.

jason had caught two new glasses of wine and offered one to you. you took it gratefully from him and downed it unceremoniously.

“fine, you're the best dancer ever. are you happy now?” 

“not if we get to know each other first and you let me take you out on a date.” jason sipped his wine.

“as long as we get to dance like that again. then why not?” 

[beauty-and-passion]

Hey so just wanted to thank you for your ts critical analyses, I’ve seen a lot of people in this fandom immediately shut down any kind of criticism (even good faith criticism like yours), which often feels very invalidating to people who are upset at the long wait for canon SaSi content, as well as the lack of communication from Thomas’ team.

It’s really refreshing to see someone, respectfully and intelligently, debate and push back against these people. So thank you for doing them, I greatly appreciate it.

The thing is: criticism is powerful and, like every powerful tool, it can be used well or it can be used poorly.

When it's used poorly, criticism is sterile and useless. It's made of selfish desires, not logical reasoning. It's "your story sucks because I don't like it". It's “Sanders Sides is bad, because I cannot wait for another episode and I want it now”. It’s pointless and it doesn’t offer anything, just personal opinions.

When it's used well, we have constructive criticism and criticism that, in general, makes sense. Personal opinions are nice and good, but criticism needs logic and common sense. Despite what anyone might say, these things are universal and neutral and they are definitely not subject to personal likes and dislikes.

Sanders Sides is a great show, with a lot of wonderful qualities: great themes, great characters, a great actor that keeps up the show. But we cannot ignore the flaws, just because there are some nice things. Everything in life is both good and bad and in a series about accepting the gray parts of the self, it's even more important to apply this idea.

I can understand if a naive person or a very young teen ignores the flaws to focus on the good parts only: they are still young after all. However, this is not an excuse to shut down all kinds of criticism. This is called being childish and ignoring what you don't like.

Useful critiques help people grow and when people grow, the fandom improves too. There’s one of the fandoms I follow, where people are not afraid to expose their ideas about every new chapter of the story they're a fan of. Some think everything is good, others think the story isn’t so good anymore and others mix the two things, by talking about the good and the bad of every update.

This makes a fandom more alive, more interesting and more mature, because you will find different opinions and different people. You might agree with some points of person A and others of person B, but person C might give you another insight on some aspects of the whole thing you haven't thought about and so on.

Back to Sanders Sides: I do not fully agree with all kinds of criticism from this fandom, but I still want to read more critiques and more opinions. Why? Because someone might expand on another aspect of the series I haven’t thought about. They can give me a different understanding. Maybe what I thought was okay, actually is not. I don't know everything after all.

So I think the moral of the story is: shutting down other people is censorship and censorship is never good. Much better exploring the good and the bad of every product, in order to reach a better understanding of it and not look at it only through the rose-tinted glasses of a fan.

[withicecream99]

So, I recently replied to this, but after thinking about it a bit I realized my reply was pretty rude and reductive, so sorry about that. I'll assume this is sincere and try to explain why I think so many people have a problem with it respectfully.

First, the big issue is that you try to define an entire genre after seeing part of the work of only one studio. Regardless of how you feel about HH/HB, claiming every other reasonably polished independent animation is derivative of it doesn't make a lot of sense. If you want to make a more compelling/correct point, you should really only talk about things you've actually watched.

Going off of this, making plagiarism claims makes no sense when you haven't actually seen the media. This is a serious accusation that needs direct examples you can point to. The fact is that cliches and tropes exist, and no piece of media is ever going to be free of them. Aesthetic similarities do not imply plagiarism.

The fact that they include "furry bait" and "tumblr sexymen" is not only subjective, but it's also not unique to this proposed genre.

The claim that critics like them but general audiences don't doesn't make sense to me. Each of these shows has a large following. Besides, nobody is going to like everything, and nothing is going to be liked by everybody. Is it possible that your personal feelings about this perceived genre are being projected onto the "general audience?"

Also, I don't really know anything about saberspark or cellspex, but calling them shills (especially with no real evidence) is pretty rude and won't make you a lot of friends with their large fanbases. I don't really see how it factors in to the point your trying to make.

Okay, so the point you make that I think the most people would probably agree with is that something is lost with the success/commercialization. This also doesn't make a lot of sense, though, because success isn't a bad thing on the face of it. More independent things being successful is a good thing, actually. What you wrote here makes it sounds like you're annoyed the things you like aren't more successful. Which is valid! Shouting out the things you like is a great way to get more people watching them.

Finally, the commercialization thing. So, I think most people, to some extent, equate more commercialization with a degradation of artistic integrity. And this is partly true, especially when it comes to outside production companies. The problem, though, is kickstarter/patreon/sale of merch is how these projects actually make money. They're largely not making back the investment on Youtube.

Moreover, this is how the people who make these projects get paid. Less commercialized projects are, unfortunately, just less likely to get made. The timetable is going to be much longer, and those who work on them are going to be more likely to receive minimal or no pay. This is why it's more important shout out or support projects that you would like to see.

To finish, I'll just say that not liking something is completely valid. Like I said, nobody likes everything and nothing is liked by everybody. However, this post is, respectfully, not it.

So I’ve tried to make peace with both the Hellverse community and the Kicktoon community multiple times to no avail. But I’m going to try one last time. Each time I’ve tried to describe what a Kicktoon is, people just get angry and confused, so I’ll describe it like this:

A Kicktoon is a genre of indie web animation that is crowd funded, thrived during the fake indie animation boom created by Hazbin Hotel, abd follows a “fight first, ask questions later” formula. With this being the said formula:

-Is often heavily inspired by or flat out plagiarizes other media

-Makes tons of week one merch based around a test pilot

-Features furry bait

-Features Tumblr Sexypeople

-And last but certainly not least, critics and cartoonists/animation nerds love them, while general audiences and people who are indifferent to the medium view them as bland or don’t care about them

“But what’s the difference between a normal indie animated web series and a Kicktoon?”, well the difference is that the non-kicktoon cartoons aren’t as successful/commercialized as them and the genre has quickly dominated the platform, but does this mean that every non-kicktoon is inherently better than every kicktoon ever made, no, there are ones that are definitely worse (ie Skibidi Toilet), I just miss the days when indie animation didn’t have to be so commercialized to be popular/successful.

Although to be fair, I haven’t seen any other Kicktoon outside of HB and the pilot of HH, but the problem is that I don’t feel comfortable watching these cartoons by myself because I’m afraid of what they’ll be like; and since I have been living on campus for the past 10 months (I recently got out on summer break btw), the only thing I have to go off of is the “gold standard” for this medium.

But I haven’t explained WHY I don’t like either HH and HB, and it’s a bit simple, I don’t like the pacing, humor, soundtrack, and writing. A lot of people mindlessly hate on it because they think it’s either racist, sexist, homophobic, antisemitic, transphobic fat phobic, etc, but highly doubt that a cartoon created by an openly queer Latina American woman would be so bigoted. If you want to see a more in depth review, watch this video made by this guy here, he more or less shares my opinion on both shows:

As for the soundtrack, it’s just so bland, and I expected better from the Living Tombstone, like this soundtrack is so bad that it feels like it was written by Jake Paul. And the same hypocritical idiots who accused the songs in Wish of being written by an AI fucking love it.

Don’t get me wrong, if you like these cartoons but have a valid reason for liking them (instead of being a shill like Saberspark or Cellspex), then that’s fine, this is just my opinion and I’m just trying to vent my frustration. If I offended anyone with these posts, then I’m sorry, I’ll try to make it up to any of you somehow.

Btw, I don’t think that the Kicktoon genre is a bad thing, I just think it has unexplored potential to be good/great. Also, I don’t hate HH and HB, I just think they’re mediocre (but they do have potential, much like the genre they started).

[mcgnussen]

Hi, as a fellow Kevin fan, I just want to say; thank you for your rant 😊

I've learnt my lesson at Spain after the collision with Hamilton and therfore I don't really get a lot of social media updates regarding rants at Kevin. I follow some official accounts so I did see something, but mostly I've seen people call out the team for not helping Mick and so on. Which I think is fair, but it does end up becoming the focus rather than Haas getting points.

So maybe it's because I haven't seen people be angry at Kevin, but I'm not mad at Mick either. I think he did a very good job defending and I was sad he didn't get to get any points. But that's racing. I think his anger and reaction after the race was magnified by being in nonstop battles for a whole race and being the defending car is always though. I've seen it a million times before where the following teammate asks to overtake because the feel like they are faster and then become angry when they aren't let through (or they are let through and then the other teammate thinks they are faster and they have to switch again). It's annoying for me as a Kevin fan afterwards to listen to, but at the same time I feel like it was just his adrenaline and frustrations bleeding through, so I don't really take it that hard.

Something I have wondered though is the Mick fans talking about Gunther being mean to Mick and not supporting him? Do you know what that is about because I haven't heard anything and the comment really confused me.

Ps I didn't write this to devaluate your feelings on the matter, I just thought you might like to hear another perspective 😊

i respectfully disagree, mick started this behaviour during the race. he didn't care about what would happen to kevin if he had to slow down to let mick pass. and instead of understanding that would have risked kevin's race, he continued complaining about it to journalists even after being told by gary that they would talk about it at the garage. doing stuff like shaking his head and saying that it should be kevin that should have fought with hamilton. that is completely unnecessary and, in my opinion, goes beyond a disagreement with haas. perhaps it was not intentional, but it did end up having consequences for kevin who had to defend himself in multiple interviews. i don't think kevin deserves that. to me, that shows a lack of respect for your teammate.

haas did not do anything wrong by letting kevin keep his position, nothing in the data showed that mick was quicker than kevin without the drs. and mick knew he was in the drs range the entire time, but he still chose to keep pushing the team to allow him to pass kevin - only to not be able to hold the position as soon as kevin sped up and drove away from him. i am sure kevin was not going 100% because he wanted to save his tyres and manage fuel. like i've said in my post, kevin earned his position in quali ahead of mick. so mick basically wanted kevin to slow down to let him pass without even having earned the position. i don't mind him asking about the possibility of switching places with kevin, but i do mind him asking it several times and then bitching about it to the entire world, doing something as childish as shaking his head while leaving his car.

and i would remind everyone that kevin also asked to switch places with mick during silverstone because mick struggled to get past latifi. and k-mag did not get that position - and did we hear bitching about it afterwards? no. only a smiling kevin being happy for mick and the team. imagine that.

so much of kevin's amazing driving this season has been overshadowed by mick and the eager schumacher fans. first, it was how bad mick was in comparison, and now mick is getting to a similar level to kevin, he is once again doing it by causing a scene because he was not allowed to pass. i am honestly sick of hearing about mick every time kevin does good or bad. k-mag is his own person, he has been in this sport for so many years, driving multiple seasons before mick even joined f3. he is deserving of respect all on his own. i, for one, will start to post less mick content. there are already multiple blogs supporting mick, but barely anyone supporting kevin, so i don't need to add to that and right now i don't feel like supporting him.

also, the thing with guenther being "mean" to mick is just about guenther saying they are not happy with the two major and expensive crashes mick has had this season. and then sky germany forced guenther to say they were not satisfied with mick, even though it was clear guenther did not want to say anything. and then everyone got mad for some reason. at the time, what did they expect guenther to say? that he was happy with mick scoring no points and destroying the car? it's honestly stupid.

[mayasdeluca]

I hate that Danielle and others received hateful comments or worst, I agree with what she said, constructive criticism and different options on why the story is upsetting for many it’s fine and welcomed, but being aggressive and disrespectful hell no!

I personally saw only good takes and polite comments, I also never tweet or reply to actors about the storyline that they have to follow, not even writers, we don’t really know who makes the final decision but even so, there’s no need to be an asshole about it.

That’s when the fan lose and the creators completely dismiss us, it’s crazy how a few idiots can make us all look bad.

Even if I don’t like Grey acting or Jaina, I would never EVER even consider commenting anything about it, anywhere and not their account…jfc

Some people have no filters or decency

I’m embarrassed for the nasty fans, they put a bad light on all of us, as you know ignoring or stop watching the show it’s the most powerful weapon we have, but attacking actors, writers and so on, make us wrong and them right…

Also I think they kinda asked Danielle to say this cause she’s one of the few (including Stefania and Barrett) that people actually listen to.

Now I’m not only pissed but also sad!

What’s your take if I may ask!?

I hope you have a great day btw

You probably saw my post that I made about it before seeing this but I will add that I agree I haven't seen many disrespectful comments either but I make sure to keep my timeline pretty free of that stuff. But also regarding Zavier's tweets specifically (which I feel like initiated this whole thing tbh), a lot of people were pretty respectful in the way they either asked or stated their opinion on the whole situation and he just decided not to say anything. Which makes me wonder if he's someone who just thinks all criticism is hateful. Obviously Danielle doesn't believe that because she made a point to say that differing opinions are okay as long it's done respectfully and that's how it should be, but I do wonder if everyone else working on the show feels the same way she does about that.

And you're right, there's some things people need to just keep to themselves if it's not nice or find a way to be nice about it because being rude isn't going to get us anywhere. It does end up putting us all in a bad light which isn't fair at all. Though it seems Danielle realizes that it's not everyone who is doing this, which is a good thing.

But yeah I also wonder if she was asked to do this or offered to because she definitely saw all the backlash as well since she deliberately chose not to tweet about the one Marina part of the show last week and I think she realized she probably had to address it in some way if she was going to continue tweeting the rest of the season. Especially because we all know it's bound to be getting worse soon. So I don't think it's a coincidence she's putting this out there before the worst of it comes on screen either.

I hope you have a great day too!

[haleviyah]

A Hispanic/ Latino Perspective: Border Clarification

This is one of the rare times I’m going to get somewhat political here, but these comments spread by the media are hitting to way close to home for me, so here I go.

Before you pounce on me, let me explain this: I am a moderate. I favor no sides, I don’t treat people by their titles but rather I prefer to judge by character even though I am not the best at it, admittedly. I favour and respect those who keep their word and own their mistakes. In short, if you do what you promise to do, you have my approval whereas if not, you will bear the brunt of my blunt rebukes and sarcastic remarks.

I am also from South Texas, specifically the Rio Grande Valley, and am a descendent of two humble Mexican families who since the Mexican Border War have made Texas their great escape and home.

Bit of a geographical reference, if you don’t know here where the Rio Grande Valley is. Look at the state of Texas, there is a bulge of state going in each direction that makes it look like a fat, lower-case ”t” : El Paso is the most West of the state, the Panhandle (Amarillo) the Northmost, Texarkana the most Eastward followed by Houston, and WAAAAAAY at the bottom is Brownsville and the Southernmost tip of Texas.

And for those of you too lazy to Google or "DuckDuckGo" the map yourself I've attached it:

The four counties: Hidalgo, Cameron, Starr and Willacy county make up the Rio Grande Valley. This is the region I grew up, the place where I experienced the best of a community and the worst of politics and failed promises.

For a bit of background: I have a parent working on the Border and they have been for many years (since I was a kid). Pretty much worked from a security officer to trooper within the span of a decade which is quite impressive and rare considering they never took bribes or anything to get where they were currently. They have told me off and on what their job is like. It’s crazy and boring some days, but also they have admitted somethings that may be fascinating. One of which is, yes, they do own horses and the reason why is so the Troopers can maneuver around tough terrain vehicles cannot go through (such as high water or narrow foot paths in brush). HOWEVER, they DO NOT OWN WHIPS. They don’t even own lassos, according to my Border Agent parent.

The only weapons agents on horse back have is a Glock, ammo, a taser, cuffs, and sometimes shot guns (but they prefer to carry light for the horses and themselves to be more flexible). They mainly carry items that would slow a person down or prevent them from hurting other people, officer or civilian; not for killing. So a whip is absolutely redundant or even absurd to have.

Those long ropes the Troopers are holding are called reins, and they are designed for steering a horse (horses cannot move opposite of the direction of their head; where their head is pointed they move in that direction). They are not made for whipping people, but rather made to get the horse’s attention. That’s it.

I took the liberty of highlighting the reins in red for you all as well as their arms and legs in blue and yellow in contrast to the reins and saddle.

It's clear from a Texan's or horse-riders perspective this Trooper almost fell off catching the other fellow and was holding onto the left rein for dear life hence why the horse looked distressed and its cheek was pulled back.

I'm not joking, you fucking try it if you're so damn horse-smart.

Now, let's look at a more relaxed position.

In short, if you haven't ridden a horse, I advise to keep your comments to yourself on this part. I have and it's way harder than it looks (horses can get cocky).

Second thing, the migrants.

Personally, I don’t know why they were so squirrelly that day. Perhaps they were spooked because they’ve never expected horse back riders to show up, maybe they had some bad experiences back home.

I don’t know!

But it’s clear there appears to be a lack of communication. Perhaps it’s the language barrier given that these guys came from Haiti, African countries and Brazil. English they probably know, but they probably don’t speak a lick of Spanish (Which both languages are mandatory for the Border Patrol).

(Again, I don't know...)

So the reasons why they started running circles around the Troopers’ horses is not for me to speculate, it’s not for YOU to defend blindly, nor is it up for the media to interpret and evangelize.

That should be left to the people to explain. No one else.

(Update: September 29th. I received a tip from a source that the Haitian immigrants (mainly) are not running from anything, they aren’t seeking asylum nor were in poverty as the media claims. They have admitted upon interview they were what we consider middle-low class and had no issues finding jobs before they decided to migrate northward. They’re just coming because they were told to come by “you-know-who”… that’s all. I know, I’m taken aback and scratching my head, too… but anyway. I digress, but do take note.)

Now, another bit of feedback I want to share: When it comes to dealing with Troopers (again, must I remind you this is a Border Patrol agent’s kid speaking), big rule:

DO NOT RUN nor MAKE THREATENING MOVEMENTS. Be calm.

It’s a simple rule, if you’re cool with the Troopers they’ll be cool with you. That’s it. Please respectfully keep in mind, these guys are trained to be safe rather than sorry. So patience and understanding with them is a must. Trust me, I’ve met my parent’s co-workers, they may look stoic and scary or condescending, but they can not let personal emotions interfere their work otherwise they risk safety.

They’re not “paranoid” or “harsh” they just have a job they cannot afford to fuck up otherwise the whole region is FUCKED. They’re the front line of defense, and do keep that in mind.

(Another footnote: I have seen Border Patrol offices, and without giving away how they function it’s not like CIA or Langley level of clean or fancy, so don’t think their offices are high tech and have marble floors with comfy lounges that cost a lot of money. Upon first glance you won’t expect the building to be an office. Border Patrol work with what they have available which isn’t a lot thanks to the ’00, ’04, ’08, ’12 and current administrations. That’s all I can give out.)

I’m going to come clean here and say the citizens in the Rio Grande Valley and the rest of Texas DO NOT FEEL SAFE with a border this wide open and no regulation is applied. Especially the Hispanic/Latino communities. So the pressure is on - and I mean REALLY on! Despite these guys working the Border are overwhelmed, they keep those emotions and opinions on lockdown when on the field. Like I said: If they fuck up, the region is fucked.

Bit of a history lesson: the Border issues on the Rio Grande are not new. Matter of factly, this problem has been happening for decades (The popular peak was during the 80s when cocaine was being distributed), but it was more than just cocaine and pot: Kids were going missing, people getting killed, women were used as mules and sold for sex, etc.

If you watched “Narcos” or “Sicario” you have a brief, dramatized taste of how the cartels function and what life is like for us Latinos. However, coming from someone who grew up there, the parts of watching your back, the abductions and even the gruesome murders are legit. To this day I remember seeing local news coverage (not CNN or MSNBC, our own stations down in the McAllen/Brownsville area) of beheadings, child murders and bodies being found in pieces… It’s something I hope my children won’t have to grow up hearing almost weekly like I did. Now it’s daily… and no one cares. And that hurts.

In the grand scheme of things, at least know this: South Texas has been part of the Cartel battle grounds and it’s obvious we’ve seen shit. Constantly being ignored is the payment we get for being front lines in the Drug War. So don’t blame us for being jumpy, or skeptical, nor even try convince us that the current surplus of immigrants is a good thing.

You can’t argue with our own experiences and history. The way things work down here is simple: You fight along side us, we fight along side you.

It’s called building trust, practicing faith. But we’ve been forgotten and lied to too many times by celebrities and politicians and social movements alike. And those who actually were going to help us are either shut down or unfortunately killed.

We just can’t trust anyone anymore. We are resorting to fending for ourselves basically, speaking up for ourselves… and so far it’s making progress in the mean time.

This level of “doing things on your own” bleeds into why our Troopers are trained they way they are trained - to expect the worst case scenario. To prepare themselves for the corpses, when a criminal pounces, the drugs being hid, for when they find a child with an adult they don’t know, or even a woman who was violated. They just genuinely don’t want to take chances and you just read why. Even my in-laws up in the Northern Midwest are disturbed.

So, considering the case of what happened a few days ago in Del Rio, Texas (as of writing this on September 25th 2021): If you run from a Trooper the first thing they are going to think is either two things:

You did something bad upon coming in to the country or

You don’t want your former government to find you because you did crimes in your home country or the country you were hiding in.

This is protocol, not biased opinions.

If, however, a Trooper commits any form of irresponsibility (such as abusing their power, unreasonable search and seizures etc.) it’s “kiss your badge good-bye” and DEMOTED or FIRED. The stakes of keeping your job in the Border Patrol are HIGH, so they are trained not to act out of line. Even a minor slip up in paper work from being fatigued gets you in SEVERE trouble with the Higher Ups and the County (Yes, that does happen and has happened). But you have to KNOW Border Patrol standards before you accuse them of anything.

With that being said, what’s floating around is not a constructive argument; it’s a distraction. How the public is demanding the trooper in the photo to be fired, tells us Latinos loud and clear that - once again - no one cares about our livelihood; no one is willing to brave enough to face the real hell going on. We are ignored or low-key demonized for simply defending ourselves.

(Now, you guys are seeing why I relate to my Jewish husband and the Israeli’ citizens - Arab and Jew - more; we’re pretty much in the same boat in the case of being ignored. But I digress.)

Before I come to a conclusion, here are other demographic facts to keep in mind that way it’ll help draw conclusions:

86.6% of the Border Patrol is HISPANIC/LATINO in the State of Texas alone.

A majority of children stolen from their families or molested are HISPANIC/LATINO.

A majority of the women violated immigrants on the border are mainly HISPANIC/LATINO.

Latin America collectively (Mexico down to Colombia and Venezuela) has the highest rates of femicide in the world.

So for you or anyone to get angry at Border Patrol agents in an unjust manner, not only are you getting mad at Hispanics and Latinos in UNIFORM for fighting to keep their communities safe, but you are actively contributing to the hell our families go through every day.

When you protest in demand for our cops or even troopers to be defunded, and fired for petty things, YOU are actively contributing to the problem of human trafficking, rape, kidnappings and murder that happens on the border. You are contributing to the Hispanic and Latino communities being dismantled and disintegrated by people who potentially want to kill us or hate us for money’s sake.

Take all of that into consideration before you get angry at anyone here.

In short:

I’ll only consider the accusations if you yourselves have been there and know the burdens we bear.

I’ll only consider your judgement if you genuinely are in law enforcement and know how to ride a horse and try to stop someone from running while riding the beast.

I’ll only consider your feedback if you don’t rely heavily on news like CNN, Telemundo and Tumblr for your information.

Until you grab a gun and fight the cartel yourself, and figure out a way to end this war on human trafficking, don’t come to us Latinos and express that you care and appreciate us.

Because frankly if you GENUINELY did, you’d bring to light what I just said and be slamming the desks at D.C. and DEMANDING the Border to be CLOSED by now.

Regardless of your political and personal beliefs, this is what is REALLY going on, and we’re going to keep fighting. Like the Israeli’s we don’t give a fuck if you hate us. We’re not radicals, we’re not blood-thirsty heathens, we’re not white supremacists (80+% of our population is of Latino Mexican descent) we’re just fed up with running away and being taken advantage of or taken for granted by people who value money over the lives of our neighbors.

If this were California, fine! Rail all you want, cuss us out as much as you want; hold us to those to California standards you keep yourself. But we’re not California.

We’re not D.C., nor Chicago, nor L.A., or New York, Florida, Canada, Mexico or whatever. We are SOUTH TEXAS so treat us as SOUTH TEXAS.

Honor us for who we are and hold us to the standards of what is SOUTH TEXAS, what is The United States Constitution, and the Texas Constitution; nothing more and nothing less. Don’t tear us down for what we’re not nor hold us accountable to an opinion or law we never agreed to nor knew existed.

That’s all I ask: If you’re not willing to honour our community and help us while holding us to our standards on a cultural, State or Federal level, back the fuck off. Generations we’ve dealt with the pressure from both the cartel and corrupt government from both the U.S. and Mexico, and the last thing we need is pampered kids living in the high rises or going to university on loans from school or your parents' paychecks, telling us how to deal with our issues.

You are FAR from a place to tell us how to function and resolve our war.

I’m not trying nor want to start a fight or otherwise, but I’m simply, humbly asking: when did we ever genuinely ask you “social justice advocates” to be our hero?

When did we ever ask you to fight for us or talk about what you think is wrong with us? Because last I checked we don’t want to drag anyone into our battles.

Also, we only know one messiah, but we never asked you to be him nor for him to act like you.

Did you start throwing punches because you wanted to find something to excuse your anger and outbursts, or is your good intentions married with ignorance?

Either case… it’s extremely unhealthy of you, and please just stop before another person gets hurt. We don’t want that. This is no different from the Crusades our ancestors took part in, and it will only end in more carnage than already sown.

So, just please, stop and take a step back for a moment. We don’t need anymore vehement evangelical-like people who just think with their ideals and not take a moment to have a healthy discussion with the One who created us, or let alone divorce their lust for a fight for ten seconds.

To close this off, even though I haven’t been home in a while, I know the spirit and the struggles the Rio Grande Valley goes through. I have met people on the run from the cartel first hand, and I have met people who may have ties with the cartel. I have seen some creepy shit, I have grown frustrated over the Protestant Baptist church doing nothing, and I have even been feeling the pressure my parent goes through with these apathetic riots threatening their job as a Border Patrol agent.

But aside from the pain, I am tremendously blessed that people and my family are still very optimistic despite the craziness and how bleak things are.

The family-oriented culture of the Rio Grande Valley is what is keeping it together… not trends, not clout and neither these guys in D.C. or Hollywood who are playing G-d.

It's the family-oriented connection. Our faith, that's keeping us going.

And even though I may not be the best voice of that region to speak up, I am blessed to have been there and I do plan on coming back soon.

I am planning on giving a more fun journal featuring the culture of the Rio Grande Valley in the future to finish this month off, but for the sake of this “Hispanic Heritage Month” I wanted to share our REAL issues we deal with rather than the made up ones that media likes to mainstream for money and clout.

In a way, I hope this offers clarity and a level of empathy. Again, I’m not sharing this to start fights or get sympathy - we don’t want it. We just want to know if our fights are not ignored, we just want to know we are heard.

That’s all.

[g3tth3l00k]

[ ISSUE 2 ] [ LOLA CEP ]

And were backkkkk !!! If you haven't heard of this absolute fashion icon or the movie, Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, go straight to disney plus and watch it ! Its cheesy, and I didn't know what to expect on my first watch but its quickly become one of my comfort movies and I watch it ALL THE TIMEE. And I mean that. SOOO without further a due, lets get into the analysis of Mary Elizabeth Cep (or better known as Lola Steppe)'s style :)

Lola is definitely unique, and her style isn't really for the more casual so even if you wouldn't wear any of these iconic fits in their entirety, these are great examples of places to borrow little pieces and add them to your every day to spice it up a little !

I should mention that this is the section where I normally do a bit of intro about the person whose style we're analyzing, but since this is a movie character, their personality is very accessible in the film/show they are in since it's self-contained anddd there is only enough background info that is necessary to the plot ! okayyy let's get started

Lola's style is eccentric, as is her personality, and her outfits follow my favorite formula which is whatever she thinks looks good. The writer of the film states that she is a Pisces, and every outfit shows depth and thought put into it and exemplifies good style knowledge that is essential to making good outfits (psst. need 2 know more abt that ? I have a post coming out ;)

Let's looks at some key details of Lola's outfits !

Accessories! One of the most important parts of these fits is the accessories ! Lola is a sucker for a good hat (as am I) and my favorite type of hat right now is the baker boy/newsboy hat we see here. The grommets make it even better (one of my personal fav details rn) She wears other types of hats too though, including baseball caps, beanies, and scarves tied around her head. Accessories normally make an outfit, but her use of hats, belts, outfit-appropriate necklaces, and jewelry, commonly seen in large silver hoops, and of course her signature bottlecap necklace (you can make it! see link below) totally make most of her outfits.

Layering (Jackets !!) Lola wears many types and builds of jackets in this movie, my favorites being her army green zip-up, feather-trimmed mesh duster, and don't even get me started on the amazing patchwork leather jacket ! The outfits without these layers are okay but often her jacket is a statement piece and totally makes the outfit She also employs layering in her earliest outfits, layering the fishnet top over the "I <3 NY" tee I'm sure you've already seen on Pinterest and her first day of school outfit that is topped off with a scarf-like shawl tied around her shoulders

Graphic tees/ Patterned tops Now if you hadn't seen the last image on Pinterest I'm 100% SURE you've seen this iconic photo. I love this outfit and the color story is dramatically made better by Lola's red and black simple graphic tee she wears with her green cargos that is dejavu to Freaky Friday (issue coming soon) This is the top she chooses from Stu Wolff's house nearing the end of the movie and colored metallic is so very early 2000's

Customization I absolutely LOVEE customization (issue coming soon, geez how many times have I said that now lol) and it is a big part of Lola's outfits. This handmade-looking NY Knicks jersey is to die for and I'd like to believe she made it herself, and you probably could recreate or do something inspired by with materials from the thrift ! As you can see in some of the previous photos as well she adds her own decorative flair to all of her things, like the pins on her bag in the bike pic and her customized name hat in the same image.

Dressing for the Occasion One of Lola's biggest fashions strengths, I think is dressing for the occasion/ situation she is put in. You can see this in her outfits for the "death" of her favorite band Sidarthur (not pictured, can't find for some reason), her audition for the school play (modern pygmalion), and this 80's workout fit she wore to dance practice. This makes her outfits seen on key and perfect for the event she is at, and she never seems out of place, just more dressed than the rest

Last Call !! Makeup and Hair !

Lola's hair is Lindsay Lohan's natural orangey-red, but more blonde on top making it seem a bit sun-bleached (doesn't make much sense in context but still very pretty). She doesn't do many hairstyles in this movie, instead opting for hats when there is detail missing on the top of her outfit. This being said her hair is down for 99% of the movie, which means it's in loose spiral curls (Let's be honest nobody's hair does that naturally) so a blowout is probably necessary.

Her makeup is veryy minimal, but you can tell she is wearing some. To me, her character seems like someone who would experiment a lot with her makeup looks, but if anything it lets the outfits shine even more. I would guess she is wearing nude or pinkish eyeshadow, maybe a bit of brown to darken right under her eyes and where eyeliner goes on top of the eye. I also see a pinkish blush (choose what's right for your skin and undertones :) and most likely mascara with black eyeliner on both waterlines. Highlight could be added to make the look more modern but make sure it's light !

Lola's character is very outgoing and I think we could all learn from her a bit. She wears all of her outfits with confidence, isn't afraid of what others think, and believes in herself and her abilities. She is eccentric, sure, but very fashionable and isn't afraid of failure. She always gives it her all and I think that is very admirable.

TL;DR of this article :) aka. Basics of how to look like Lola Cep <3

Accessories!! Hats (baker boy hats, baseball caps, beanies, scarves, you name it), statement chokers, big silver hoops, belts, and her signature bottlecap necklace are key

Layering! Jackets and statement jackets are key, and also fishnet shirts and big sheer shawls

Graphic tees :) simple and cute, stick to 2-3 colors for maximum wear potential

Personalize your shit ! buttons, patchs, pins, custom jerseys and tees are perf

Dress for the occasion ! Play audition = dress like the time period the play was written, Athletics ? 80's workout inspired ! Death ? PAINT IT BLACK (respectfully ofc)

Hair is not that important, as it is in loose curls and down in 99% of the movie, and the color is also not too crucial but the original Lola's was sunbleached orangey red

makeup is minimal, neutral eyeshadow, mascara, pinky blush, and black eyeliner in the waterlines, maybe highlight to modernize it but LIGHT !

Thanks so much for reading  !! dms are open for style analysis requests or just in general <3<3

[one-boring-person]

@theghostof-myndi I'm so sorry this has taken such a long time to write! I hope it was worth the wait, though!💛💛💛

Are You Paid To Say That?

Kevin Richter (Trapped In Silence) x reader

Warnings: mentions of violence, mental illness/challenges

A/N: Im really sorry if this isn't as good as you were expecting, I find the characters quite difficult to write, but I've tried my best. I wasn't really too sure where to take this, so I hope thinks ok.💛💛

Masterlist

"How're things going with Kevin?" I inquire as I walk with Jennifer out of the building, pulling my coat tighter around my body as the icy winter air surrounds us, biting at my heated skin.

"Well, I thought they were going well, but he had another outburst today, so I think we might've been set back a bit." The shrink admits to me, adjusting the box in her arms, making the bits and bobs inside clatter against each other.

"Another outburst? How come?" I frown a bit, knowing that this particular patient can be violent at the best of times, concerned now for the older woman's safety.

"I'm not entirely sure this time. We were talking about meeting more people his age, when he mentioned something about seeing a girl around here...hang on, how old are you?" She asks, looking over at me curiously.

Lifting an eyebrow, I quickly respond.

"I'm seventeen."

Realisation seems to dawn on her face as she hears this, knowing that there are, in fact, no other younger workers in the institute, and definetly none that work with the more challenging patients.

"What?" I question when she continues to start at me in amazement.

"I think he was talking about you, (Y/n)." Jennifer reveals, frowning to herself as if thinking something over in her head.

"About me? He doesn't even know who I am, and I don't think he's ever seen me before." I protest, thinking back to the fragile, highly volatile boy currently residing in the Quiet Room.

"Maybe, but the description he gave matches you pretty well." She informs me, smiling gently at the look of genuine shock on my face, "I'll ask him more about it tomorrow."

"Ok, thank you." I respond, not knowing quite how to react to this information, waving a little as she walks off to her car, leaving me standing in the cold to mull over what I've heard.

*

Jennifer's hurried footsteps echo through the corridor as she approaches me, eyes intent on me, clearly needing to say something to me, prompting me to break off the conversation with the security guard I was having so that I can greet her. When she sees this, she speeds up a bit, hair blowing past her face with an air of importance.

"I was right, (Y/n), it is you that he meant." She blurts out as she reaches me, eyes filling with a mixture of curiosity and sympathy as she regards me.

"What do you mean? Who are we talking about?" I ask her, though I have a feeling I know where this is going.

"Kevin. I showed him a picture of you and he took it from me. He seemed pretty attached to it, and went ballistic when I asked him for it back." She informs me, leading me away from our original spot, back the way she came.

"Kevin? Are you sure? I might just look like someone he knows." I try to reason, feeling a dull sense of fear as she drags me down the corridor, my eyes wide at the idea of going to see the troubled boy.

"Oh, I don't think so, (Y/n). He's drawn out pictures of everyone he want to remember, and I've spoken to the remaining members of his family: there is no way you just remind him of someone. I've been working with him for a while now, I know his habits." She clarifies, leading me down a more secluded corridor, towards the main office, at which point my fear fades into curiosity.

"Are you sure?" I ask one last time, looking away guiltily when she sends me a pointed glance, "Sorry, you know better than I do. Where are we going?"

"Right here." She gestures with a smile to the door we've stopped outside of, knocking just below the sign determining the owner of the room: the head of the institute.

Eyeing her curiously, I remain silent as we wait for him to respond, following her hesitantly when his voice sounds from behind the door. Respectfully, I stand just by the door as she goes inside completely, waiting there as she speaks with Dr Tomlinson, staying quiet as I let the older members talk with each other.

"Jennifer? What do you need?" The doctor greets her, sending a cursory glance at me, before returning his eyes to her.

"I want someone to help me with Kevin's case." She states, excitement creeping into her voice at the thought, clearly eager to keep up with the therapy.

"You do?" Dr Tomlinson looks surprised, eyes widening at her words, my own quickly fixing on the back of Jennifer's head.

"I do. I think it could really help him socialise better, and he'd get to speak to someone other than me for once." She nods enthusiastically, smiling to herself, as if aware of somehow we're not at liberty to know.

"Ok. I guess I can ask around, though I doubt many people are rave enough-" The doctor starts, only to be cut off by Jennifer, who is shaking her head at his words.

"No, don't worry about that. I already have someone in mind." Confusion and curiosity flood me at this, my mind instantly trying configure out who she could be talking about.

"Oh? And who is that?"

"Well, it's (Y/n) of course."

It takes everything I have not to faint.

*

"Don't worry, (Y/n), you'll be fine. He's not as bad as everyone makes him out to be." Jennifer reassures me as we get ready to enter the therapy room.

Trembling in nerves, I shift from foot to foot as I think through what I'm about to do, well aware that this is only the second case I've ever worked on, and that he doesn't have the greatest reputation. On our way over, Jennifer had given me a rundown of what she knows of his backstory and old living conditions, explaining that she had managed to get him to talk and communicate, but also that he is highly volatile at times, my trepidation and dread just building up the closer we get to the room. Now that we're here, a cold sweat has broken out over my forehead and skin.

"I know, I'm sorry. I just haven't really done this too often." I confess, feeling it important she know that I'm not an experienced worker here, reminding her that I'm only a volunteer who helps out here and there.

"Oh, right, I forgot about that." She frowns, reconsidering as she recalls this, "If you don't feel ready, you don't have to come in. I'm not going to make you."

Taking a deep breath, I decline her offer, biting my lip as I then follow her into the room.

My eyes quickly find the hunched figure in the corner, his messy hair matted and dishevelled, skin pale around his face except under his eyes, where deep purple bags have formed, though the blue-green irises that briefly flick up to greet us are sharp and probing as anything, homing in on my presence instantly. His muscles go rigid, eyes remaining fixed on me even as Jennifer and I move furher into the room. Awkwardly, I hold eye contact for a few seconds, before dropping my gaze with a blush covering my cheeks.

"Good morning, Kevin. I brought along someone to help us with today's session, that ok? This is (Y/n), the girl in the photograph I gave you a week back." Jennifer introduces us, setting the box of items on the table in the centre as I gingerly step forwards, looking up again.

"Hi, Kevin. It's nice to meet you." I say to him, not expecting anything back as he keeps staring at me, only to feel slight fear when he suddenly surges to his feet, scrambling over to the table. Once there, he grabs Jennifer's box and starts rooting around in it, pulling out a sheet of paper and a pencil seconds later, his movements erratic and rushed. I watch in fascination as he seats himself and starts drawing something, expecting us to do the same.

Looking at each other, Jennifer and I do the same thing, a brief flare of surprise lighting inside me as Kevin moves to sit directly opposite me, rather than across from me like he was before. Quietly, I pick up a pen and paper and start sketching, listening to Jennifer as she makes conversation, answering the correct questions and interacting where necessary.

The hour passes quickly, by which point I've managed to finish the drawing I started, sitting back to look at it, before noticing that Kevin is, in fact, also watching me, eyes flicking downwards towards the sheet of paper, almost as if in questioning. With a smile, I push it over the table towards him, offering the drawing to him with little confidence. He picks it up off the table, holding it up so he can see it properly, finger tracing one of the lines, folding it and sticking it in his breastpocket without a second thought.

"Hey, Kevin. That's not yours to take." Jennifer reminds him, looking at me apologetically.

"Oh no, it's fine. You can keep it." I assure her, addressing the last part to him.

He nods at me, not making eye contact.

*

A few months on, and Kevin and I have actually managed a conversation, the boy no longer too shy or distrusting of me, feeling mostly comfortable around me when in therapy. Jennifer has yet to leave me alone with him, thankfully, though I've overheard her talking to Dr Tomlinson about Kevin requesting for me to have a session alone with him, something which I'm not entirely sure I'm comfortable with.

Even now, as we read through another of Jennifer's books, it surprises me when he shuffles over to sit beside me, his body incredibly close to mine, as if with the intention of touching each other, but not quite doing so yet. I have a copy of the book open in my lap, giving him a perfect view of the text, as well as my crotch, which draws a small squeak out of me when he goes to turn the page for me, his fingers gently brushing against my jeans, his hand retracting as quickly as I sink back into the seat, neither of us saying anything.

But even after this, it takes a good two months more for Jennifer to finally decide that I'll be safe on my own with him, as long as there are guards outside, and either Dr Tomlinson or herself nearby to help out in case anything goes wrong. At first, I'm sceptical, but eventually I realise that my presence in the room seems to be what keeps him calm and collected, meaning I'm the perfect candidate to look after him alone.

I was wrong to be worried.

A soon as I step into the room, Kevin has stepped up to me with a broad smile on his face, soemthing which always makes me happy to see, making me smile back at him as he eagerly leads me to a place on the floor in the corner, where he sits me down. Taking his place beside me, he rummages around in the breast pocket of his hoodie and pulls out a dog-eared piece of folded paper, silently handing it to me. Opening it, I feel my jaw drop at the sight of it: it's a portrait. Every aspect is drawn perfectly, giving it it's realistic quality, though it does surprise me that he'd draw me of all people, seeing as he knows Jennifer much better. In my head, I remember what she said about him drawing pictures of everyone he cares for.

"This is amazing, Kevin! Is it for me?"

He nods, a smile crossing his face as he shuffles closer, pressing the side of his body against mine.

'Thank you. I really appreciate this." I thank him, starting when I suddenly feel his cold fingers brush against mine. Absentmindedly, they trace their way into my palm, interlocking our fingers together as he moves ever closer. Smiling, I lean back furher and pat my chest, signalling for him to lay there, which he is only too happy to do, his arms wrapping tightly around me, face buried into my midriff as he holds me close to himself.

"I have a crush on you." He suddenly states, voice muffled through my shirt.

For a moment, I don't know what to say, shocked that he feels this way about me.

"Jenny said I should tell you." He testifies, snuggling closer, before pulling back slightly to nose at the bottom of my jaw.

"You have a crush on me?" I ask once more, biting my lip when he assents, "That's helpful, beacuse I have a crush on you, too." I decide just to spit it out, looking to him for a reaction.

"Really? You actually like me? Or are you just being paid to say that?"

"Kevin, I'm a volunteer. I don't get paid at all.

"So, you actually mean it?"

"I do."