#if you don't add shit like bacon grease

[clatterbane]

Tonight's delight: a half-batch of this. Adding in some odds and ends of vegetables for good measure. We had some already shredded cabbage, like for a salad (or in this case, left from making pancit bihon) to use up, along with the leftover roasted root vegetables from yesterday. Turned out pretty good.

This batch didn't turn out quite vegetarian, since I did use part bacon grease for the roasted veggies.

Couldn't resist making some cornbread to go with it, and I'll probably grab another piece with some jelly in a little while.

[ghost-in-the-hall]

Eyes On Me (Chris Fehn x Fem! Reader) FLUFF

So, in the midst of the holiday craziness, one of my dear friends decided to ignite this bombshell of a hyper fixation in my brain. So, uh, maybe add a bit of Slipknot to the rotation since some other things have been put on hiatus.

You're on tour with Slipknot, Chris likes to flirt with the pretty girl that works with the band, chaos ensues.

WARNINGS: Swearing, suggestive comments, Chris is a bit of a perv, but honestly if you're reading this you probably expect all of this anyways lol, tooth rotting fluff of my favorite percussionist 🖤

My Masterlist! ~ Tip Jar! ~ AO3 Link!

Divider credit: @adornedwithlight

Waking up in a hotel on tour was always a strange experience. The band had stopped to play 3 shows in the same city back to back, meaning that for a few days you would be freed of the cramped confines of the tour bus. You squinted, slamming your head into the pillows in an attempt to block out the assault from the early morning sun. You could hear your neighbors talking loudly through the wall. Chris and Sid were already full of energy. You jolted up in bed as there was sudden banging of a fist behind your bed. “Anyone alive in there?!” Chris yells.

“Chris it is 8 in the morning!” You shout back. “Unless you're buying me breakfast you better shut up!”

“If you want breakfast, get your ass out of bed!” You freeze at his words, was he seriously offering to take you out to eat? “Be ready in five, sweetheart, I'll be right over.” You could hear Sid struggling to hold back his giddy laughter. You scrambled out of bed, of course he would pull some shit like this. You rush to the bathroom, quickly washing your face and throwing on some of the fastest makeup you've done in your entire life.

“Shit!” You cursed, tripping over yourself as you struggled to pull on your pants, Chris’s loud knocking on your door ringing through the hotel room. You and the band’s percussionist had been flirting for a while. Chris, albeit unsettling at first, couldn't keep his eyes off you from the beginning.

“Well, good morning beautiful.” The same eyes that made your heart stop every time you met them.

“Good morning, yourself.” You snap back playfully.

“Aw, did I wake you?” He coos, cupping your face in his hand, stroking your cheek with his thumb. “Poor baby. Come on, I'll make up for it.” He wraps an arm around your shoulders, leading you out of the hotel tucked safely into his side.

You found yourselves at some hole in the wall diner, serving up the greasiest breakfast food you've ever witnessed. Plates piled high with bacon, sausage, eggs, and a multitude of other sides, whatever you ended up deciding on surely wasn't going to disappoint. The morning with Chris flowed by effortlessly. He kept you laughing the entire time, every so often tossing in a compliment about how pretty he thought your smile was, teasing you whenever he had noticed your flustered state. “Are you going to come watch me play tonight?” He asks with a mischievous grin.

“You're acting like I'm not there every night.” You respond with a smirk.

“Yeah, but you're there to watch the band, you're not watching me.” You could hear his fingers nervously drumming on the counter top.

“Do you really think I could possibly keep my eyes off you?” He breathes out a laugh, shrugging into his jacket. “We should get going, you’ll be late for sound check.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“He better be out here in five minutes or I'm going to personally go in there and kick his ass.” You laugh as Corey yells.

“I'll get him out here, don't worry!” You reassure him as you slip inside the dressing room.

“Well, well, well, what do we have here?” You can't help but roll your eyes as you watch the smirk immediately spread across his features. “A pre-show visit from you, I must’ve been a good boy.” He chuckles. You wordlessly grab the black grease paint from his bag, perching yourself on the arm of his chair. It was irritating how good he looked, his jumpsuit mostly unzipped, his skin glowing with the thin sheen of sweat he had worked up from warming up before the show.

“You need to be out there in a few minutes and you’ve barely started to get dressed, someone has to make sure you make it out on stage.” Despite trying your best to seem annoyed, Chris didn't miss how you were struggling to keep the flustered smile off your lips. You had been working with the band for a while, originally having started off as a roadie, but it quickly became apparent how good you were at wrangling the band’s more hyperactive members. Chris clocked you instantly. At first he thought it was funny. He would sit somewhere backstage and stare at you, chuckling to himself when you would eventually scurry off. It's not that you minded, his staring was never malicious or mean in any way. But, goddamn, was it distracting. After a little while it finally dawned on him that you weren't running away out of fear, you were running away because you were flustered. Every so often he would watch the blush spread across your cheeks when he had been caught staring, how every time you would run off to take care of something else you would always glance back at him just one more time before disappearing.

“What would I do without you?” He says with a teasing smile. You craned over him, haphazardly covering his skin with the paint. You let out a surprised squeak as one of Chris's hands wraps around your waist. He pushes you off the arm of the chair, you bounced slightly as you landed in his lap. “Probably a little bit more comfortable like this.” He raises an eyebrow playfully at you, waiting to see what kind of response he would elicit. Your face burned, your mind completely blank as you tried to process just what the hell was happening. He was so warm, you could feel one of his legs bouncing anxiously underneath you as he sat and wondered just how royally he had fucked up. You try to return your focus to applying his paint, a task that only becomes more difficult as you feel one of his massive hands wrap around your thigh. He enjoyed having you so close, being able to trace over every detail of your features. “You are stunning.” He states under his breath.

“Thank you.” You reply with a flustered smile. “You didn't,” you cleared your throat, your voice cracking slightly as you spoke, “you didn't forget your mask did you?” You jump as he slaps his hand down on the table at his side, he smirks as he holds up his mask.

“Did I forget my mask?” He mocks, he watches you relax as he manages to make you laugh. “Put it on me.” It wasn't a request. The buckles clink together as he lets it fall into your lap. His striking blue eyes hold you frozen in place as you timidly pick up his mask. The metal was cold against your palm, the leather smooth between your fingers as you moved the straps out of the way. He pulls the hood over his head before allowing you to sit the piece carefully over his features, making sure it was properly in place before tackling all of the buckles. He doesn't take his eyes off you as you make quick work of securing everything in place.

“Hang on, this one’s a little stuck.” One of the straps had gotten caught on its buckle, halting your process momentarily. You gave it one firm tug in order to free it. Chris hisses as the mask catches, the strap noticeably digging into his skin. You hurriedly begin to apologize, moving to undo the strap only for his hand to grab both of yours, pulling them away from his face.

“Don't worry, pretty girl. I'm alright.” His eyes flicker over your features. “Hurt me all you want baby, I like a little pain.” Your cheeks burn as you stare down at him. He breathes out a laugh as his gaze drops to your lips.

“Chris, come on! We gotta go!” Sid freezes when he sees the situation at hand.

“Animals.” He spits through a cackle. “Chris is getting FRISKY.” He bellows, slamming the door behind him.

Chris chuckles, helping you stand. “Guess we should get this show on the road. Wouldn't want them getting any angrier.” Your heart was racing as you followed Chris out of the dressing room, wiping your sweaty palms down the front of your pants. It didn't take long for him to get back to his usual antics. Every so often Chris would walk up to you, sometimes giving you a reason, other times just staring at you in silence until you acknowledged him.

“Need something, Chris?” Silence. You look at him, a smirk playing on your lips. “You know, you make it a little hard to do my job sometimes.” He takes a few long, fast strides towards you, causing you to stumble back slightly until you were trapped between him and the wall. He leans down, bringing his face level with yours. He presses the nose of his mask against yours, making you giggle. You playfully swat at him, “I have work to do.”

“Has anyone seen Mick’s extra pics?!” You shout, rifling through a case that had been tossed in the side. Suddenly, something cold and pointy pressed into your cheek.

“You're looking a little stressed, baby.” Your ears are met with Chris's playful tone as he pokes your face with the nose of his mask.

You let out an exasperated sigh, “Chris, I don't have time for this, I need to find–” He opens your hand, dropping three pics into your palm. You cringe slightly, realizing he was just trying to help.

“Just relax, sugar. I'll take good care of you.” A shiver runs down your spine at his flirty tone. Your eyes meet his before you slowly let your gaze drop down to his lips.

“Play a good show and maybe I'll let you.” A strangled sound escapes him as whatever crass response he had come up with died in his throat. He watches as you carefully press your lips to the nose of his mask. “Knock ‘em dead for me.”

“You got it, angel,” he breathes out through a laugh, “just make sure you keep those pretty eyes on me, okay?” He responds flirtatiously as you flit past him, hurrying to deliver Mick his missing picks. He can't help but smile as he catches you glancing at him over your shoulder.

Chris took your request to heart, hoping his rockstar status was enough to keep you from punching him in the face for what he had planned. He played his soul out that night. Jumping and thrashing around like you had never seen before, he was mesmerizing to watch. At one point meeting your gaze across the stage, the two of you share a moment, screaming the lyrics from your favorite song off the setlist. He loved watching you dance just off stage, you were stunning, and you were looking only at him.

After the concert was over he powers up to you. His shoulders heaved with every labored breath, sweat dripping down every exposed inch of skin. “Get this fucking mask off me.” He growls, grabbing onto you and pulling you close. You waste no time granting his request, his hands hot against your skin where they cling desperately to your waist. The second you finish with the last buckle Chris rips the mask from his face, throwing it on the floor to focus on the task at hand. He grabs your face in his hand, his fingers pressing into your cheeks with near bruising force as he crushed his lips against yours, his black paint smearing across your features, officially marking you as his in his eyes. His free arm circles around your waist, pulling you flush against him. There were various cheers, screams, and a few gags from the rest of the band.

“Jim, you owe me money!” Mick yells with a laugh.

“What the hell are you– oh... Dammit Chris, you couldn't have waited until we got back on the bus?!” You can't help but smile as you feel him chuckle against your lips.

“Did I play a good enough show, sweetheart?” He asks with a smug smirk, not giving you time to answer before kissing you again.

[sublimecatgalaxy]

hi love. is it possible that you could do a request where rafe and the reader have a beach day together? add anything you’d like but I also think it would be cute to see him nervous that she’ll burn so he’s always finding an excuse to rub sunscreen all over her back<3

anyways if u do not want to, don’t feel pressured!! ❤️

I love this idea! I love blurbs like this because they're so free and easy to write. You're the best anon.

"Can you just let me-" Rafe starts but I push my glasses further onto my nose and hold a finger up to him, but not the one he was expecting.

"No." He scoffs at the middle finger that's flipped towards him and he lowers himself onto the ground beside me with sunscreen in his hands, looking at me desperately.

"Babe-"

"No, Rafe. I hate the way that sunscreen feels, it's yucky." I pout, taking a second to take a look at him, still needing to soak in his beauty after years of being with him. He's the biggest hypocrite in the world, tanning his skin and flexing his toned muscles in the sun (and burning his ass off) all while trying to force me into coating my skin in the sticky substance.

"I don't want you to get melanoma and die." He huffs like a stubborn child and tilts his head inquisitively at me and I laugh, rising onto my elbows as his eyes briefly flicker down to look at my chest.

"That's sweet." I sigh, reaching up to pat his cheek with a simple shake of my head. "But no."

"You're impossible." He flops onto the sand beside me, rising an arm to rest under his head, eyes squinting in the bright sun as he looks over at me. I smile at him, assuming he's given up on trying to lather me up in sunscreen but I'm proven wrong when he opens his mouth again.

"Can I at least put some on your face?" I roll my eyes with a loud groan, slapping my hands over my face as he rolls towards me, waving the sunscreen back and forth enticingly.

"Fine." I huff, sitting up, wiping the sand off of my back as he sits in front of me with a triumphant smile on his handsome face, squirting some sunscreen on his hands before cupping my cheeks.

"Stop being grumpy." He's so unbelievably gentle with how softly he spreads the cream across my cheeks and forehead, soaking in the way his hands feel against my face as I allow my eyes to flutter shut.

"It feels like you're smothering me in bacon grease." I mutter and Rafe grins wolfishly, leaning towards me to peck my lips in a simple kiss.

"Yum." He mutters into the kiss and I giggle, shoving him away from me with furrowed brows, disgusted at his comment.

"Gross."

"You? Covered in bacon grease? Yes please." He whoops with an annoying grin and my nose scrunches in disgust. "That's almost a better image than you right now in this suit- Jesus Christ." His eyes sweeping over my frame and I feel my cheeks heating up under his gaze.

"You're such a guy." I tease, reaching out to smack his arm but he just catches my hand in his, pressing a kiss to the back of my hand.

"You say that like it's a bad thing." He winks before looking back at the water with hopeful eyes before turning back to me, giving my hand a subtle tug. "You comin'?"

"It's cold." I whine but he tugs me up and into his arms before tossing me over his shoulder, slapping my ass in a loud clap and I giggle, slapping his back as I beg him to put me down.

"Good thing you don't have a choice."

"Rafe Cameron, no-" He steps closer to the water and I whine, hearing the waves crash around us as he steps deeper and deeper into the cold water that I feel splashing up onto me. "I will dump you, I swear to shit!"

[friend-crow]

could you share your roux secrets please?

also, it might just be because I’m english but I’ve never heard of having roux with breakfast - what do you have it with, if you don’t mind me asking?

The roux is just the base for the breakfast gravy. We do (American) biscuits and gravy for breakfast here. Usually sausage or some other form of white gravy.

So, you start by heating some fat. Maybe you're having bacon with breakfast (streaky bacon, since you're English), in which case you can use the fat left in the pan after making bacon. Other options are butter, oil, maybe some grease left from cooking sausage, if you're making sausage gravy. Other animal fats work too (forgetting breakfast for a moment, you can use drippings from a roast to make gravy for a dinner).

So you heat the fat (medium-low), then you add flour. In theory it's equal parts by weight, but I ain't weighing shit, especially when it's just leftover fat that's already in the pan -- I just eyeball it and sprinkle in one spoonful at a time, whisking it with a fork or a whisk until the liquid fat has been thickened and is approaching a paste-like consistency. You cook this mixture until it turns golden brown.

That's it. That's the roux.

Now if you're making gravy you can slowly add milk for a white gravy, at bit at a time so you don't get lumps. For a brown gravy you add broth (also you'd typically want to brown the roux a little darker than you would for a white gravy or sauce).

Creamy pasta sauce? Add milk (this gets you a bechamel sauce, which is a great starting point for mac and cheese), garlic, and perhaps some cheese.

Soup? Add broth and whatever other elements you're putting in the soup.

It's just two ingredients, but it's the stepping stone to many delicious things.

You can also use cornstarch instead of flour, but I'm not a fan of the more gelatinous consistency it produces.

[sirpleasedonotfuckthepastasalad]

Macaroni and Tomatoes!

Ingredients:

1 lb (16 oz) box of macaroni

1 32 oz can of tomatoes

Butter or Bacon Grease, to taste (Use the butter, man)

Salt, to taste

Seasoning of choice (e.g., Lawry's seasoning salt, beef bouillon cubes, onion powder, garlic powder, or any preferred seasoning)

Instructions:

In a large pot, combine tomatoes, water (use the tomato can to measure), and butter/grease.

Bring to a boil over medium-high heat.

Season generously with salt and your choice of seasoning. Feel free to get creative with your seasoning choices!

Add macaroni to the pot and cook according to package instructions or to preferred doneness. (I like mine still pretty firm, personally)

Serve hot.

Servings: Approximately 6-8.

Absolutely, let's dial it back a bit:

About the Recipe:

Growing up in Appalachia, tomatoes were a big deal in our house. And one dish that always hit the spot for me was what my Grandfather called Macaroni and Tomatoes. it gave mac and cheese a run for its money in my book (gasp!).

Funny thing is, after my grandpa passed, it kinda fell off the menu 'cause nobody else was into it like I was. Imagine my surprise when I found out that most folks away from here never even heard of it!

This recipe? It came from the Great Depression for a reason. It's cheap as shit, and one pot will feed you for a while. No fancy shit, in fact, you probably have most of this in your cabinet. You can spice it up however you like - I've listed my go-to's above, but feel free to do your thing.

Now of course, if I can offer some advice? The type of tomato you use for this matters. Growing up we had three Gardens, one nearly entirely full of tomatoes- so we used those- canned during the summer, but good for use year-round. Real fresh tomatoes are going to have a lot more flavor, depending on where you get them. A part of me believes there must be some kind of magic in the dirt of these mountains because the tomatoes here are better than anywhere. Sweet, but acidic, and flavorful. You don't want to use hot house tomatoes on this. You will regret it.

Also if you google this recipe they will tell you to cook the pasta separately. That is how you get mushy pasta do not listen to those absolute clowns.

[dirtbag-linecook-kyloren]

Spinach Asparagus Risotto

OKAY SO @tinpotterror (WHY WONT TUMBLR EVER LET ME TAG U ILL JUST SEND IT TO U)

the first thing to cover is that recipes, like real recipes in cookbooks, have been tested and written carefully, thought about and shit

I'm going to do none of that because the few recipes I have written are so full of shorthand to be illegible to anyone else, and they're only for baking

but I start with the things I need to do before you ever get the shallots for the 'sotto going

the chicken was just chicken thighs with salt pepper oil chili powder and onion powder, cooked on 400 until done and then set to the side. i nuked it in the mike to serve because chicken thighs are forgiving abt that, chicken breast less so.

the vegetables were cooked on a sheet tray at 400 for ??? until the tomatoes started to blister. It was a pound of asparagus, ends chopped off, cut into like... 1/3-1/2 inch long pieces and a pint of... grape? tomatoes cut in half. If you have thick asparagus i'd leave teh tomatoes hole, because youll need a longer cook time, but mine were really thin which Im not pleased abt but whatever

while ur cutting veg i'd chop your shallot, I go for pieces the same size as the rice grain, when I'm adding it to any rice dish, because I DO NOT like cooked onion texture and I want to lose it in there. set it aside

ur also gonna want to grate your own parmesan, i use a microplane, pregrated cheese is covered in cornstarch to keep it from sticking together and It fucks with the consistency of everything

I also cooked 4 slices of bacon and rough chopped them, set them to the side. Save the grease if you want to use it to sautee ur onions, i did bc i wanted the extra flavor. otherwise use ur oil of choice

the most annoy part was blanching the spinach? you can ABSOLUTELY just rough chop some spinach and throw that shit in after you've added the other veg, but i had a whole bunch i needed to process that I got for free from work. You get a large pot of water, boil, dump in your spinach. dump into a strainer, squeeze out some of hte excess water, but be careful it's hot as hell, and then dump it onto a sheet tray and throw it into the freezer for a few minutes. Take it out, blend or food process it, and then put it back on the tray and then back in the freezer. i know ur about to use it, in this case, but cooling it quickly helps retain the color, some bullshit to do with chlorophyll

then you can start the 'sotto. take ur bacon grease or oil, let that get hot, then add ur shallots. when they get transparent, add minced garlic, i use the jar kind because I'm VERY LAZY, give that a minute, listen to the sizzles, dump in ur optional bacon, and then u add ur rice. get the rice to stock ratios from a random recipe online, that's what I did, and then you toast that shit for a little bit. I don't really know WHY you're supposed to do this, maybe depth of flavor maybe liquid retention?? i just know that you DO and it helps or some shit.

once it's like, toasted, (I had a lot of rice and a bit too much fat so it took like five minutes), add your stock like, 1/2 a cup at a time? I don't measure, so idk if i'm actually adding 1/2? you just add a little stock, let it get fully absorbed, and then add more. when you can scrape the bottom of the pan and the like, goo stuff, stays fully in place, thats when ur good to add more. once you've added all the stock, dump the spinach puree in, if you pureed it, because it will have to come to temp. then add the veggies you roasted, then ADD the parmesean, then let it cook a bit longer to get everything together

i don't cook with alcohol really, so I don't use white wine, but i know lots of recipes do use it? i hope that ANY of this makes sense, but that's what I did!

oh yeah and then nuke the chicken in chef mike and put it on top and BAM you got 'sotto!!!

[crowleycoded]

Gina's Mac and cheese (ish) recipe

*2-3 cups of shredded cheese. Combo, all one, more than that, less than that I don't care. How cheesy you want it?(tn I used like half marbe half extra old white ched)

*milk (2 cups? I just poured it's gonna be a consistency thing anyway)

*butter (the real shit if you wanna do this RIGHT. And also salted duh)

*flour (again this is an eyeball thing for me. If you really want you can look up a basic roux recipe that's all this is it's the base to a bechamel sauce fancy words for fat and flour) idk ill talk about this more when we get there. Trust.

*flavouring accoutrements (garlic powder, mustard, chipotle powder, salt, pep. This is your world I'm just teaching you how to live in it)

*parmesan of choice

*small onion

*half a pack of bacon

*bread heels, like. 2 or 3, whatever you have. (unless you own your own breadcrumbs already. If not imma teach you to make em right here right now)

*noodles of choice. No I won't tell you how much because we all know nobody actually knows that shit.

STEP ONE: MISE EN PLACE

Prep time, baby. First off, oven on 300, and a pot of water on to boil the noods. Onion? Dice it tiny as fuck. Bacon? Fry it up, crispness is At your discretion. Bread? Slap it on a cookie sheet and throw it in that hot oven for like. 5 ish minutes. You're not toasting it you're just drying it out. (if you plan this in advance you can simply leave them out to dry morning of but I don't roll like that). Once your bacon is cooked, take it out and drain the grease out of the pan. Pop in some butter (garlic butter if you're really vibin) and those diced onions. Cook that shit on like medium low until they're a good golden colour, almost starting to crisp up. Take the pan off the heat and let it be.

STEP TWO: MAKE THE TOPPING

(but first put your noodles in the boiling water if you haven't already. Also salt and some oil in there pls) In a food processor or a blender (if you don't have these, use a knife and go the fuck to town) blitz your dried bread, a good spoonful of your fried onion, and your cooled and degreased bacon strips until pulverized. Dump in the amount of parm you feel is correct and blitz again. You're gonna use this as topping. If you feel you've made too much don't worry. I have a solution later to come. Now put the oven up to 350.

-at this point I recommend you go no further until your noodles are cooked, drained, and run under cold water to STOP THEM COOKING.

STEP THREE: GET DAT SAUCE

Alright now for the only really intimidating part. The roux. First off you're gonna take like 2 cups of milk and pour it into the pan with your onion and put that on about a 5. You wanna get your milk warming up and this way you get all the pan goodies. If you're using mustard, throw about a tablespoon or two into that pan too while you're at it.

Now in a good saucepan, (Big Pot) throw in like. 2/3 cup of butter at least. At least. Use more than you think you need that's the thing here. Melt it up. Once it's melted and started to bubble, toss in flour. Start with like. Less than half a cup? While you do this, whisk like a madman. Don't add more flour till your flour you have is combined. If it gets to look doughy and thick you've added too much flour. Easy fix, more butter. This isn't healthy it's Mac and cheese. Whisk it up and it should be less of a dough and more like a batter consistency. Continue to cook and whisk on medium high until this turns a nice golden colour and thickens to a paste. Now take that pan of milk and onion and stuff and throw that in the pot, along with any spices or seasonings now. (I used chipotle powder and seasoning salt, and garlic powder). Now WHISK SOME MORE we don't want no flour lumps. It's gonna get thick. You're fine. Add more milk if you're worried, and also turn it to low.

Once that's smooth, you get that cheese in there. Get it melted. Fuck yeah.

STEP FOUR: AVENGERS ASSEMBLE.

Now. Once your cheese is melted, we are at prime time. Remember when I said I had a solution if you had too many breadcrumbs made? Throw all the extra in here, leave enough to coat the top before baking. Now you combine your noodles. Take your time, be thorough, and Fold don't STIR, dammit. From the bottom. Be patient. Once it's fully combined and beautful, you pour that shit into a buttered baking dish. Size determined by how much you made, I used a tall 9*9 pan. Spread your crumb topping on top evenly and bake on a low rack for 20 minutes or until topping is golden brown.

[dendroculus]

shit idiot's fusion dinner special

ingredients:

bacon grease (left in pan from yesterday's blt)

egg (1, because you haven't gone to the store in 2 weeks)

½ roma tomato (you bought the wrong kind and just coped with it)

salsa (good-sized glob)

leftover potatoes (cooked with garam masala and turmeric like 6 hours ago)

chili powder and cumin (some)

as much shredded cheese as your heart desires (cheddar, unless you have a better idea)

heat grease. scramble egg (with salt and pepper or i'll kill you). add tomato and salsa and cook for a bit. add potatoes and spices and cook until potatoes are hot. add cheese. done

serve with buttered toast (made on stove because you don't own a toaster) and coffee (decaf because it's 1:30 am). you can put hot sauce on it if you want it spicier i just didn't have any

[mylittlesecrethaven]

Good Food

Here's a good idea for some food that I just recently tried and liked.

Take some red potatoes and cut them up into small cubes, then throw them into a pan with a shit ton of oil (idc which kind you use, just use enough to cover the entire bottom of the pan), then season with a ton of salt, some seasoned pepper or steak seasoning, minced garlic of garlic flakes, onion flakes (or cut up an onion and use that if you would rather do that), and some rosemary leaves (preferable dried, but whatever you choose)

Let that go on medium heat until the potatoes are brown and soft and smell amazing.

While that's going, grab another pan and an egg. (You can use two eggs if you're super hungry) Put some oil on the pan, not as much as the potatoes (maybe half as much), then crack the egg into the pan on the oil. Season said egg with the same seasonings as the egg, but leave out the garlic and onion. Add some shredded cheese of your choice and some bacon bits, and let it cook. Once the edges turn a slight yellow or brown, flip it, then let that cook.

While the potatoes are going, make sure to mix them up every 2-4 minutes so they cook evenly.

The egg should finish first. Both sides should be a brown color, and if one side isn't brown, you can just flip it and let it go until it's brown. Once it is cooked, though, take it off the pan and put it onto a temporary plate or a cutting board you don't mind getting oil on. Cut the egg into pieces (or just tear it apart cause that's easier). If the egg isn't cooked enough and the yolk is runny, you'll need to make another egg and clean up the previous mess.

After you cut up the egg, move it into the bowl you're going to eat out of.

Once the potatoes are done (meaning you can use a spatula and squish a potato piece slightly with the tip of the spatula), use said spatula to move them into the bowl. DO NOT POUR THE POTATOES IN! This should be obvious, but you'll get that shit ton of grease in your bowl if you do.

Mix up the potatoes and egg(s), then eat with a spoon.

Enjoy!

I just made this today cause I wanted to make an egg sandwich, but I was out of bread, so I just made this on the fly.

[casspurrjoybell-27]

Claimed by the Beast - Chapter 19a

*Warning Adult Content*

Run Boy Run - Part 1

- Everett -

Everett doesn't have the energy to even form a proper sentence this morning, so he responds to Alissa's text with a meme before sliding his cell phone back into his pocket.

Since he's been living at the clubhouse, this is how most conversations go with his friends.

Alissa and Michael have yet to stop asking Everett about the status of him coming home.

His responses usually range from It's complicated to Whenever Knox feels it's safe because he has no clue how long this war with The Jackals will last.

No one tells him a damn thing.

Knox hasn't seen or spoken to Everett in forty-eight hours and the latter is too weak to reach out for an explanation of why.

Maybe this is Knox's version of giving Everett the space he'd said he needed?

Who fucking knows.

Time definitely goes by a hell of a lot slower when you're being ignored.

Had it not been for Josie's company, Everett would've gone insane a long time ago.

What he feels right now is homesick.

The temptation to run away is extremely high but doing so would be pointless.

Knox would somehow track him down and then drag him back to the clubhouse after shouting a lecture, might even lock him in a room to prevent him from escaping again.

Anything's possible with that man.

"Smells good in here."

Finn strolls into the kitchen and hops onto the counter, sitting near the stove where Everett is cooking breakfast.

"I like my eggs sunny side up, by the way. You fixing bacon, too?"

"For myself? Yes."

Everett rolls his eyes.

He flips his sausage patties over in the pan and then adds a few strips of bacon.

They sizzle immediately in the hot grease.

"I'm not being paid to be anyone's chef, so you can cook your own shit once I'm finished."

"Fucking hell, man. Were you born with a bitchy ass attitude? Or is it something that developed over time?" Finn teases. Everett ignores him.

"You really aren't making this easy."

"What exactly am I supposed to be making easy?"

"I'm trying to cheer you up, kid. You've been walking around here looking like someone took a shit in your cereal, and it only got worse after Knox left."

"Okay? I never asked to be cheered up."

"Yeah, well, Knox ordered me to physically check on you, so that's what I'm here to do."

Everett finally looks up from the stove.

"You... spoke with Knox about me? When?"

"He likes to check in every other hour but don't tell him I told you this or else he'll kick my ass," Finn laughs.

"He's worried sick about you, though. Has been since the other night. How are you doing, by the way?"

Everett scoffs at the ridiculous question.

"How do you honestly think I'm doing?"

"I don't know, smartass. That's why I'm asking," Finn grumbles. 

"Two nights ago, I had to go to sleep and pretend that a murder wasn't being committed somewhere on this property by my..." Everett pauses.

He catches himself before he says the wrong thing, the wrong word, that would give away his true feelings about Knox, as if they're not written all over his face.

He breaks eye contact and clears his throat.

"...by my roommate. But whatever. I get why it had to be done. I've processed it and I'm over it."

"Doesn't sound like you are," Finn remarks, studying Everett carefully.

"Listen, man. Things obviously went to a place where they shouldn't have that night, and you saw things Knox never intended for you to see. It's all fucked up and he's been kicking himself hard over it. I get you might think he's a cold-hearted monster now that you've caught a glimpse of his dark side but..."

"I don't think of him as anything, so please don't put words into my mouth," Everett interrupts, his tone slicing sharper than a knife.

"My bad," Finn says, this time rolling his own eyes.

"But as I was saying, whatever you thought about him that night, I guarantee you he's thought a lot worse of himself since then. He's truly his own worst enemy, even more so now that you're in the picture. Feel however you want to feel but respectfully, you should've known what you were signing up for when you started messing with a guy like Shaun. Bottom line is that Knox deserves some slack, okay? He's doing the best he can."

Everett blinks, confused.

"And I'm not?"

Finn shrugs.

"You tell me."

"No, you tell me, asshole. What exactly are you trying to get at right now? What's the point?"

"The point? Well, for starters, it's your shitty attitude and judgmental comments about this MC. You think we're lesser than you and it's so fucking obvious."

Finn scowls.

He hops off the counter to stand tall but Everett doesn't cower away.

"No matter what, I will always back my brothers and Knox is at the top of that list. He had a job to do the other night and he got it done. You need to stop holding it against him and move the hell on already."

Everett actually laughs and cocks his head to the side as if Finn had called him out of his name.

"Who are you to tell me what I should do? If anything, you should mind your damn business and stay out of mine with Knox."

"Knox is my business," Finn retorts, no playfulness left in his tone or body language.

"He's never pretended to be someone he's not, so it's weird how you string him along one minute and then push him away the next after some shit goes down that you can't stomach. You're confusing him, toying with his feelings and I don't fucking like it. I thought you were a genuine guy but now I'm starting to believe otherwise."

"You're saying all this shit but are these Knox's words or yours?" Everett asks.

"Doesn't matter. They're true and you know it," Finn replies.

"Since we're airing things out, here's a newsflash, you're not the only one around here going through shit. Knox has lost people, too. Everyone here is frustrated and suffering. But no one's ever in your face being a dick in response. You should start putting in work around here if all you're going to do is mope and fucking complain about the shitty situation that you got yourself in."

"Finn." Josie steps into the kitchen with two women at her side, all three of them staring wide-eyed at the scene unfolding between the two men.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Why would you say all that?"

"I was just speaking the truth," Finn mutters.

"No, it sounded like you were being an insensitive dick," Josie says.

"He's just mad I'm not in the mood to play nice with him. Like I'm just supposed to magically get over the fact that he's the one who started shit with Shaun. Like I'm supposed to close my eyes and pretend he's not the reason why I was left cradling a dead body that night. Apparently, he's been waiting for me to fall to my knees and thank everyone for playing protector towards me as if The Jackals aren't after all of us, not just me because of something that he fucking started," Everett snaps, laughing manically.

"You wanted breakfast, right? Well fucking eat it."

Everett grabs the handle of the pan and tosses the entire thing without a second thought, hot grease and all, directly at Finn's face.

"Oh shit."

"Everett, NO."

"Has he lost his fucking mind?"

Josie and her girlfriends scream at the top of their lungs as if they're the ones standing in the line of fire.

Fortunately, Finn is quick enough to dodge the flying pan, cursing all the while but he never makes a move against Everett.

He isn't ready to die, though Knox may very well rough him up proper after hearing about his argument with Everett.

"I'm getting the fuck out of here and I dare one of you to try and stop me."

Everett storms out of the kitchen without looking back.

Josie calls after him but Finn mumbles something about not wasting her energy.

Everett speed walks to his new bedroom.

Her footsteps never follow.

'God, he's such a stupid prick. What did I ever do to him? Nothing.'

Tears of anger roll down Everett's cheeks as he packs himself an overnight bag.

'I could've gone to the cops like a normal person about a million times already but I didn't. I guess that doesn't matter, though. Fuck my feelings. Why should anyone here give a shit?'

[dumpsterfirekitchen]

did you know you can make quiche out of whatever the fuck you want

well now you do and that's what I did today. see quiche is literally just an egg custard thing with some stuff in it in a crust when you get right down to it so when I get down to the ends of lots of ingredients sometimes I will put that shit in a quiche. I dont care if it's fancy and perfect I care that it's edible and uses up the shit in my fridge. Or in this case also on my balcony :)

Lets take a look at the crap I have to use up by today

we've got this thimble full of milk

Got some grated parmesan bc I grated too much for a thing I made the other day

got some dried mushrooms and ooooo

FRESHLY WASHED PORCH SPINACH FROM MY PORCH

you can turn this stuff into a decent fritatta tbh but I was feeling quiche mood

Here's what I do kinda, and I'm all about making it work without buying extra things

First soak the mushrooms in cold water for like an hour if they're dried like mine. The package says 5-10 minutes and whoever wrote that is out of their fucking mind and is telling you nothing but lies and if you don't soak them longer you'll regret it

I have little mini casserole thingies I use for quiche so I don't need much crust. And that's good bc I had about a thimble full of crisco too.

(but that's OK bc between you and me you can add a little bit of butter in a pinch to make up for what you lack in shortening and like you'll notice a little with the texture but not enough to care)

So this here (BTW my oven is preheating to 350 off in the background)

This is a couple tablespoons of butter and crisco and maybe half a cup of flour and a pinch of salt and I chopped it all together with a fork until it was the cornmeal texture you see. I generally know I added the right amount of fat when I can sort of smoosh it together as shown without water. But you do wanna add cold water.

Im at a high altitude so my water measurements will be useless to most people I think but basically you just need to add it by the tablespoon until the dough comes together in a ball. It shouldn't be a sticky ball but you don't want it dry either and don't like Knead it you don't want it stretchy. (If you're at a high altitude like me, DO actually make it a little extra wet to where it's sticky. You'll thank me later when you're not eating a crispy brick.) Roll it out to an 8th inch, then slice it up and piece it together in whatever [GREASED, DONT FORGET GREASED] dish you want to bake in. Then pop it in the oven for like 10-15 minutes. It should be juuuuust baked but not like Crunchy.

Anyway while that's happening I make the filling.

Do you want to know my secret

My secret is that this is the one time I will use a measuring cup.

I crack a normal large egg into my 1/3 cup and then add milk to it until its full

"but ej shouldn't you use a liquid measuring cup" SILENCE JUST BE GLAD I OWN A MEASURING CUP FOOL

dump it in your mixing bowl and then do that for 3 more eggs (well, your amount of eggs will vary. I think it's like 6 for an 8 inch pie dish. But see you know whats great about this method? If you didn't mix up enough eggs, that's ok! Crack another one in the 1/3 cup, add milk and a pinch of salt and pepper and mix it up and add it in) add a pinch of salt and pepper for each and whisk it all together till it's kinda homogenous.

Heres a picture of my next step which is layering the goodies

someone is going to tell me I should be using Swiss cheese I. DO. NOT. CARE. I hate Swiss cheese and these are for me I do what I want and this is fine and good. The dark supervillain secret that cooking shows don't want you to know is you can put whatever the fuck hard cheese you want. You can literally make the egg mixture and put whatever. Do you have some green onions and bacon and leftover terrible prepackaged cheddar? Put that shit in a quiche. Do you have a lunch meat and a couple slices of cheese that would pair well in a lunchable? Put that shit in a quiche. It's not traditional. It's not correct. Who fucking cares you're the one eating it. You gotta use that shit up so make it fun don't just put it in a sandwich man cmon. (I mean you can but)

Anyway if you're making a more traditional quiche you'd also add nutmeg to the egg mixture, but obviously I'm not doing that, so I skip that step.

Anyway next you ladle the egg mixture into the dish(es)

I put mine in a hot water bath but you probably don't have to do that, it just helps cook it evenly.

And check out the result

Nice and edible. ( It's not ugly you fool it's RUSTIC)

For me this took I think 25-30 min in the oven (which I left on from the crust....I tend to reduce the temp and cook longer though. In this case I reduced it to 230 and turned it off after 25 min or so. Basically when it reaches 165. I don't know if that's right and I don't care 165 kills the germs so I'm not doing it below that. You can take it out after and let it set up after that)

anyway that's what I ate today and the best thing about these is I can wrap them up and keep them in the freezer. Quiche freezes really well actually. You won't really notice a difference especially if you heat it up in the oven or an air fryer later, so I like to make a bunch of these guys ahead and just pull them out as needed.

[selenite-drywall]

Malenfant Secret Ingredient Gravy

I've been making biscuits and gravy a lot lately so I figured I'd share the recipe. The best biscuits for this are the Pillsbury kind out of the can but they're so easy to make on your own anyway. I'll put some biscuit stuff at the end of this post but for now it's Gravy Time.

Sausage gravy is an Acadian condiment and it's good on everything. The dominant flavor is black pepper, but the stuff that comes out of a can (the stuff they use in a hometown family diner) is absolutely disgusting because it lacks the Malenfant Secret Ingredient: garlic powder. Garlic powder adds a little bit of tang and reconciles the sweetness of the roux and the sharpness of the black pepper. It's not healthy, nor can you make it healthy.

Before you start, make sure you have:

A deep-walled frying pan

A sturdy spatula (metal is best, but use wood on a nonstick pan)

Milk

Flour

Ground meat (I prefer bacon and breakfast sausage, but I've done it with vegetarian substitutes. Just make sure the meat is seasoned)

Someone (preferably a friend and lover, but a family member works just fine) to prepare biscuits while you make this gravy– trust me you won't be able to do it at the same time.

Black pepper

Garlic powder (real garlic actually doesn't work for this— the texture and flavor profile is different)

How do you do it?

Brown your meat. Like I said, I like breakfast sausage and bacon; about two strips of bacon to a pound of sausage. Put a little butter in the pan and chop the bacon into little pieces. Cook it almost to edible before you add the sausage, breaking it into small pieces. Cook the sausage on pretty low heat, making sure you don't have any bits sticking to the bottom of the pan. Do Not drain the grease out of the pan; we will need it.

Add black pepper and garlic powder to the meat. Don't wimp out here! The rest of the gravy will be flour and milk, so you need the flavors to be strong. You literally want to add ~2 tablespoons of each per pound of meat. That's not a typo. Just cover it in pepper and then add maybe half that amount of garlic. My dad likes to put smoked paprika in at this stage, but it turns the gravy pink so I prefer to sprinkle it over the top when it's on my plate.

Now this is where the flour comes in. Sprinkle in about a tablespoon at a time and mix it until you can't see any more flour. Make sure the flour is toasting, but not burning. Repeat this process until the meat is no longer palatable and looks like it's covered in a grey film (about maybe six to eight tablespoons per pound of meat, all depending on how much grease is in the pan. Don't try to put it in all at once, though: you'll end up with clumps and a gravy that's way too sweet).

Toast the flour for a hot minute and then add in the milk a healthy splash at a time, stirring and scraping the bottom constantly. The milk will thicken around the meat almost instantly, which is when you add more milk. Keep this up until you get a nice thick gravy. Remember you can always add more milk (as long as there's heat under it). If it's too thin, don't try to add more flour. Just keep it on the heat until the milk boils off and thickens up.

Serve it on literally whatever. Fries, biscuits, a hamburger? The possibilities are endless.

Biscuits?

The most obvious thing to put sausage gravy on is biscuits. Like I said, storebought biscuits are great. If you don't have them, you can make them yourself. Or, if you just don't feel like it, slap this gravy on some sliced bread for a special treat we like to call Shit on a Shingle.

Our family recipe for biscuits is as follows:

These can be drop biscuits, but by following good technique you can get a nice flaky biscuit. Use cold butter, chopped real small, and cut the biscuits out of the dough instead of clumping them into balls.

Now go, and enjoy the least healthy breakfast human hands can make. And then maybe eat like a green salad for dinner. Stay frosty.

-s-d

[zwoelffarben]

I like bacon what I consider wit in the range of reasonable amounts (ranging from I dislike bacon enough to avoid eating it where ever possible to its an ingredient I can use to add complexity to my very basic dish), and I really don't understand the bacon evangilists who say shit like, "what kind of mad person doesn't like bacon."

I mean, I do understand what's happening: they made a decades long advertising campaign to push a mediocre meat through market for more than it should be worth, the core to their personality. But, like I don't understand why they did that.

Bacon's mid tier meat at best. It's such a thin cut that its high fat content doesn't cook goodly. The fat, which is pork fat (which is a very heavy fat), just sort of renders out and clings to the surface of the bacon instead of searing. When you eat it, the feel of it sits in your mouth for hours if you don't follow it with a anti-fatty palette cleanser to break down and wash away the fatty residue, and I don't want to spend most of my day with the inside of my mouth covered in bacon grease: it does not make for an enjoyable post-eating experience.

But these people just do that it? Without pineapple, onions, ginger, a heavy cream sauce, or some other palette cleanser? I just don't understand the type of person who would do subject themselves to that type of sensory nightmare for the sake of appearing to like the astroturf masculinized meat cut.

I don't understand it at all. Bacon's mid.

i voted no because its normal to put meat in salad.. people put bacon bits in caesar salad. pork isnt too far off.

bacon bits and whole-ass slices of pork are in fact very different.

you can tell from the fact bacon is one of like 4 foods on this earth i violently hate and outright refuse to eat, and i rather like pork.

[cardioasscular]

Hi Julie! I'm new to tumblr so I'm not sure if this is the right place to ask this. I think that I may have autism. I wasn't diagnosed, but I know that some people aren't diagnosed until later in life for a lot of reasons. I'm just curious if you had any advice for figuring out whether I am on the spectrum? I've done some research but it's hard to know where to start. No pressure if you can't/don't want to answer! :) From, Bee

It’s okay! No problem, and feel free to message me any time! I actually don’t know exactly what to tell you in all honesty because I can’t remember what my life was like before I was diagnosed (I was diagnosed at a young age - I think either 3rd or 4th grade). But I can definitely tell you some things that I know about myself/that I’ve experienced that may be able to help you!

-I’ve always had an intense obsession with one specific topic (usually one main one at a time, with others that are still intense, but not AS much), which has varied through the years. Many autistic people call it a “special interest,” mine right now is TGD. The first one I can remember is dogs, which (of course) I still and will always love. 

-Everything used to be way too loud for me. I do remember that I used to wear earplugs and snow earmuffs in the cafeteria in elementary school. Over time, I learned to be able to tolerate loudness more, but it can still get really overwhelming at times, especially if there’s more than one type of noise at the same time (like when I’m at work and the oven and dough presser are both going, along with people talking and phones ringing.)

-I can’t stand certain textures. Mine are greasy things, like liquid butter or bacon (I still eat it, but I have to get almost all of the grease off with paper towels), and those holographic/3D things that people love to scratch (and make THE WORST sound that I can’t stand, either). I have an autistic friend who can’t stand chalk or fleece. It varies - unlike my friend, I love fleece!

-I either talk way too loud when I’m comfortable around people, or if I’m not, I don’t talk much, if at all. I find it hard to look people directly in the eye and tend to look above or below their eyes. 

-Light, like sound, can get intense for me as well. I have to carry sunglasses with me because sometimes, especially if I’m tired because it seems like my sensory overload problems get worse when I’m tired, the sun is just way too bright and I can’t always get inside to avoid it.

-I tend to do some repetitive actions, and they bring me comfort. For example, I run my hands through my hair a lot, and I pick at/bite my nails and the skin around my nails (yeah, I know, it’s not good for me, I’m trying to kick that habit).

-I find “fidget toys” useful. My favorite are these spinner rings that I have: I have one that’s blue and silver and one that’s kind of rainbow-ish and silver - I got them as a set of 2 on Amazon for like $10 if you think you’d enjoy them!

-I love to hold and squeeze things like pillows and stuffed animals. It’s comforting to me, and the pressure feels amazing - I REALLY want one of those weighted blankets, but they’re expensive and I’m not 100% certain that I’d use it as much as I’d want to (I get really hot at night). 

-When I’m overloaded, sometimes I shut down. I don’t talk, I barely move, I space out, and I stare at one specific spot. Sometimes it scares both other people and myself because they don’t know what’s going on, and I feel so overwhelmed that I can’t physically get the words out. 

-Sometimes I feel my own emotions too intensely. If something makes me really excited, some people would say that I get “too excited.” On the other hand, the worst part is when I’m sad or upset because a minor thing that might make someone else stressed or sad (for example, I got confused about when lab met last week and missed it, and ended up having a meltdown because of it. Most people would probably be stressed and/or upset, but wouldn’t be as upset as I got.)

-On the flip side, I have an EXTREMELY hard time feeling for other people, which I hate because it makes me seem like the stereotypical “empathy-less autistic.” It’s hard for me to relate to others’ troubles, and even though I try to be comforting, I always feel like I’m not doing it right, or that I’m making it worse. There actually have been times when I HAVE made it worse, and it made me feel completely shitty. I’m horrible at giving advice (so if none of this helps, I am extremely sorry). 

-I’m horrible at teaching and giving advice. I have difficulty saying exactly what I mean sometimes, which means that sometimes, people get the wrong idea, or they just don’t understand what I’m trying to say. Most of the time, it’s fine and I can just explain more and people eventually know what I mean, but it’s gotten me into some deep shit before. 

-I’m incredibly observant, which is both a blessing and a curse at times given the situation. I notice things that others may not. A good example was when a few weeks ago, my psychology professor was trying to log into the computer, which was projected on the front of the room. It kept giving the “username/password is incorrect” message, and I noticed that she had accidentally hit the spacebar and there was a space before her username, which fixed the problem. A bad example is when there’s a ton of noise, like I mentioned earlier, or multiple people having multiple conversations. 

I could give so many more examples, but I feel like this is already much longer than I wanted in the first place. 

One thing that I would try is to ask some people around you that you love and trust if they notice any typical actions that seem “weird.” If you’re close with your parents, ask about your actions as a child. 

Questions like, “When did I start talking?” “Did I seem unattached to Mom/Dad at first?” “Did I have any ‘odd’ obsessions?” “Did I fit in with other children my age, or did I stand out due to ‘weird’ actions?” may help. 

Observe your actions, and see if you catch yourself doing something that you don’t know exactly “why” you’re doing it, that other people don’t typically seem to do. 

One thing that I think would really help, if you haven’t already, make some in-person friends (online friends are wonderful, don’t get me wrong, but most of the time you can’t see how your online friends act) who are autistic! Observe some of their behavior, maybe ask a few questions like, “why do you do (x)?” and explain that you have some questions about autism, that you’d like to have a better understanding. Although I do feel uncomfortable talking about myself a majority of the time, I am always happy to explain to others who have a good heart and just want to understand, learn, and support. 

Every autistic person is different, so what others may do/feel may not apply to you, and that’s perfectly okay! 

It’s always good to ask questions, and I don’t know about your situation, but many public K-12 schools do some academic testing that can point you in the right direction. If you’re a university student (I’m not 100% sure about it, but the University of Tennessee in Knoxville does this), maybe look into your school’s psychology program. Students (under the direction of their professors, of course) can perform academic testing. I think this does cost, though, and I have no idea what the prices are. My college’s disabilities services program sent me to UT for testing and paid for it so I could have updated information, as my last evaluations were done in elementary school. 

Again, feel free to message me any time! I’m usually available, but sometimes I do get busy, which is why (and I’m so sorry about this) I took a super long time and answered you super late. 

(If you’re autistic as well and have any advice to offer, please feel free to add on!)