#if you didnt enjoy it im sorry! ive seen some good points about what people didnt like and theyre honestly fair

[uldahstreetrat]

so, my non spoiler review for dawntrail:

I fucking loved it.

really and truly I think it built upon the exact themes I have loved so much from previous msq in ways that aligned perfectly for some very good symbolism and parallels. even to my own ocs! many new characters to this story reminded me of my own that I have written within this setting and I couldnt be happier about that. <3

[remusawoooo]

anon here, excited to read the essay! i asked you because i really like your takes and i see people in the more canon-adjacent parts of the marauders fanbase to complain about the extremes of the fanon one, though personally ive never really seen anything Too extreme, tho thats probably just tantamount to how well i curate my spaces i suppose (ive seen people say that fanon makes remus really “alpha” or makes sirius “bimbofied” and while ive seen hints of those extremes here and there, mostly it looks like it varies from person to person. ive just seen remus be more assertive than he probably is in canon, or sirius being more dramatic and “fem” than he probably is in canon). from what i know people like exaggerating events (the prank, etc.) or shifting some personality traits, but i dont really think thats a bad thing - i personally enjoy it. as long as they dont completely turn characters into stereotypes (though its a pitfall of every fandom, i fear), then whatever its just camp.

people are allowed to criticize stuff like that though, not taking that away from anyone, i personally just dont really care enough to be totally accurate esp since this hyperfix is kind of the bottom of the barrel for me LMAO. but i ask mostly bc im just curious to see what other peoples opinions are, and bc i think - especially in a fanbase like this - that its incredibly important to be at least a little critical with your media experience and reflect on it. saying “oh fuck canon we’re just having fun” is fine and all, i dont think anyone is stopping you, i think the personalities people have made up for characters that have zero screen time are super fun and the little ships are not everyones tea but like its fine. but even still, people should be way more aware of what characters theyre dealing with and from what franchise, and like reflect on any biases you may have. if youre making shit up for a random DE character, or retconning some sutff, okay, whatever, but be sure to not defend or like suddenly turn to really weird rhetoric. idk i think its the bare minimum in a fanbase like this

i definitely rambled way too much here, super sorry op! i hope this doesnt bother you, feel free to reply or feel free to not. i just really like hearing peoples thoughts on things, and i like your takes and your blog so i hope i didnt catch you by surprise. i really am just an outsider trying to look in LOL

hello anon, I'm sorry I lost your ask. I was writing on my laptop and saved the draft (but apparently had to press on alt, and didn't do it) so I basically lost your question and half of my initial response. Ty for sending in another ask!! Not a bother at all, i find this very lovely :D 

I was mortified to find that someone who isn't really a part of the fandom was perceiving me while I was complaining about fictional characters ahahaha. still, thank you for validating me and asking my thoughts on the mischaracterization of marauders!! I do talk about it daily, unfortunately, and without any prompt too. I'll try to gather all my thoughts here. I don't necessarily come across fanon as much as I did when I reentered the fandom and honestly, I can not be more with you about curating your space !! at the end of the day, I am just here to have fun, and really, pointing out these issues is not a good time at all! But I do post a lot about these, I can't be bothered to bottle up any thoughts lol.

I think the major issue I have with current interpretations is the underlying bigotry that comes along with it. There is a lot of unchecked problematic content that doesn't sit right with me.

Flanderizing characters in fandom interpretations is not limited to marauders fandom obviously. any popular media will face this because so many of us want to interact with one character so their traits are simplified for easier consumption and to find a common ground. this is also not limited to new marauders fandom. even in the older era, leather jacket-wearing, motorbike-driving quintessential bad boy siruis was a thing. so I won't nitpick on silly simplifications.

I just want to say that this isn't about me wanting everyone to have the same interpretations as I do about the canon. I follow so many lovely people and I don't agree with all of their posts. But, we all just simply share the love for these characters in the text and form an imaginary community. So, if we were to remove all the issues I will mention, it is still very well possible to have different personal takes.

Here are some of my issues:

Queerness, Gender roles, and misogyny:

My biggest problem is the representations of queer relationships. the fandom packages these couples in a strange and obvious heteronormative mold where the individuals fit into male and female gender roles. mlm and wlw are now an “f/m”* stereotype and characterization gets affected by the ships. Heterosexual relationships shouldn't have these limitations either, anyway. There is no one way to be a woman or a man. With queer relationships in particular, we have reclaimed the word queer now but it was used to describe the unconventional weirdness in the relationship. We didn't fit into the normal portrayal of a loving relationship. So, it really bothers me, even in fiction, that queer ships are popularly consumed in a way that represents a traditional template. (*this is not about gender itself but the gender roles! f/m can very well be queer!). 

Let's take the biggest victim in this fandom: sirius.

Sirius’ portrayal concerning his gender and sexuality has heavily changed his characterization in the fanon. We have a character who is popularly headcanonned as trans and is it a coincidence that all their traits have changed from the og material? Sirius is suddenly vain, whiny, and dumb. Canon doesn't suggest this interpretation, it has to have stemmed from somewhere. It's the implicit bias. Sirius becomes a caricature of what a woman “should be”. When we focus on sexuality, there is the suddenly short twink sirius who has the same new traits- proving the point of fulfilling gender roles. These characteristics are a stand-in for the “female” role of the traditional relationship and it becomes more clear in the example of new age wolfstar. Remus is now the big alpha stoic manly man- the obvious stand-in for the “male” role. I could go on, it is apparent in the way you can see remus becomes a caretaker and sirius is taken care of.

The point I am trying to make is not to discourage gender/sexuality hc. I love them, keep them coming. But, why is female sirius not tall suddenly? It is not inherently bad at all to have a feminine and masculine pairing! But why do we need to change the constitutions of these characters to consume their relationship?

I'll keep dropping disclaimers because I hate being misinterpreted: I don't obviously mean every single person is doing this or that doing one of the things means doing the other too. 

Race:

It is related to the point above. I was personally so excited to see the popular desi james hc. Even in fanon, I have never seen such a prevalent and encouraged brown rep, it was quite sweet to come back to that. But the problem is the change of characteristics that comes with race hc. Desi james is also a manly dude who is big and buff as opposed to the white petite and delicate regulus within jegulus ship. The melanin is directly proportional to the manliness here. 

This is a propagation of race stereotypes. Maybe jegulus was a bad example because usually there are seen as blank templates. I will raise the argument that this can't be all we can come up with for blank canvases then. Either way, my point about race still stands when you repeatedly design interracial queer relationships so they fall into heteronormative roles. Anyway, same issue with wolfstar when there is a brown remus.

Canon, JKR, and hypocrisy:

Refusing to engage with source material is funny when we are picking characters out of it. the interpretations of the characters will be from their book. otherwise, they are just original characters with the same name. you can add onto the traits and a lot of the time fandom comes to a consensus regarding a few things! This is common in every fandom but I don't think I have seen such reluctance to not only critically engage with media but also shame others who do. We are surely in special circumstances with this fandom but I really do think jkr and how we navigate the fanon should be two different things.

Most of us don't condone jkr or even remotely agree with any nonsense she spews on the daily. Most of us can see the problematic nature of even consuming this media and staying in this fandom. It is one of the reasons I even left the fandom. Most of us are simply doing our best to engage carefully while distancing ourselves from her. So, it is quite laughable when some love to take the moral high ground for rejecting canon while still engaging with the same characters. (the rejection of canon in question being sirius’ height, lol)

(Sirius' height is quite a polarising fact apparently. Unfortunately, the point about height is also discussed so disingenuously. When I talk about sirius’ height, it is not really about him being 6 or 7 feet. It will not really impact my life. It is about what it represents. He is bimbofied as he becomes short. It's an issue of "WHY" again.)

Of course, this isn't an accusation of intentional bigotry from everyone here. The problem with this fandom is that the people in it tell themselves that it is progressive and to run away from the problematic creator as much as possible. We are not progressive if all we do is co-opt queer and racially diverse identities on such a superficial level. The bias manifests in subtle forms. I just wish we check ourselves from time to time, that's all. 

There is a lot of hostility when we try to discuss issues in the fanon. Things are interpreted in the most misguided way to just win the argument. Like I said in the beginning, we all just want to have a good time. That also means creating a welcoming space for vulnerable groups (especially when the same identities are used to pat yourselves on the backs for inclusivity points). I didn't even cover everything btw, I just wrote about the issues that concern me. queer and poc also partake in biased representations, I also probably have some biases that I didn't identify yet. I just think it would be super neat if everyone tried to make an effort to unlearn and engage with media without hurting anyone. 

I have other issues but they are all just super subjective opinions and smth I can ignore when others do. ex: I really don't like giving tragic backstories to bigots in the story. Not every supremacist loser has a trauma that forced them into oppressing people! There is also "tropeyfication" of all major ships. Just an overall issue in the reading world I think, though.

Anon, I didn't mean to make it preachy in any way btw. You probably asked for a silly little rant and I went full lecture mode, so I apologize for the tone shift!! I mentioned these because every other issue can be brought down to these imo. Like you said, I also don't have any fixation on everything being canon-compliant. I only complain by asking about the thought process behind certain kinds of changes, if that makes sense! I hope this wasn't a drag really and you can see where I am coming from. If I misspoke anywhere, pls lmk. Thanks for sharing your opinions too!!

This is a long long rant, anyone who read everything, you are wonderful and patient. Thank you for taking the time. This huge post and the content can make you think, “who cares this much?” or “it's not that serious” and yaa it really isn't that serious. The characters aren't real but we all are. the identities projected are real. so, it does matter to talk about this.

Everything said this is a fun place to be once you find your own corner in the playground.

[nerves-nebula]

heyo, uh sorry for the super long message, and sorry this question is a little strange or somethin, you dont have to answer it, but youre like the only person i have seen on the internet comfortably talk about csa, and i wanted to just kinda say ive been debating including csa in one of my characters backstories but im nervous i will misrepresent it or something (i have experience with being sexually harrassed/coerced when i was a teenager but it wasnt drastic and i am not a victim of csa) and i guess i wanted advice. i don't want it to seem like its for cheap shock value, i do want to make it thematically relevant. the character, who i will call S for conveniance, was raised in isolation by their mother for their entire childhood and was abused and neglected, and S was raised to be "bait" for people to lure them in so their mother could eat them (uh. yeah cannibalism is here too. their backstory is already fucked up without the csa) i have a basic idea for how the csa starts, how it incorporates itself into the story and how S is affected by it, but i dont know, im nervous about including any of this because again, its a serious topic, and i want to portray it in a way that doesnt feel like its there just to make the reader disgusted. so if you have any pointers for me i'd appreciate that. again no big deal if you dont answer this

well it sounds like you've already made it thematically relevant with the whole "raised to be bait" thing so good job. I can absolutely see myself reading a story like that and thinking "this would be improved with csa but the author probably didnt wanna go there" cuz I can't imagine a situation in which a child is created for and frequently put in that kind of danger for the parents benefit that wouldn't somehow cross over into CSA or at least emotionally incestuous behavior.

it makes sense to be nervous when writing about it but without exact examples i can't really tell you if i think you're off base on anything. im not sure if any of the general pointers i COULD give would be very helpful on account of i'm not the end all be all of csa representation haha. my situation wasn't even that bad, i'm just inordinately fixated on it for some reason.

some people will tell you that under no circumstances should you write a graphic csa scene. this comes from an understandable place where in the past a lot of csa in media has been very uhhhh exploitative i guess? just for shock value, like you said here? which can be alienating and hurtful and rely on unrealistic tropes and spread misinformation and a lot of bad stuff. but i personally like when things get a bit graphic, its why i liked The Incest Diary so much. it really depends on the tone of the story and you're just gonna have to accept that you're not gonna please everyone.

as for less/non-graphic csa portrayals theres this article by this author Rene Denfeld which i really like and respect. i've read her books The Child Finder and The Butterfly Girl and i think they're both good examples of portraying explicitly that a child was raped, focusing on the childs inner world, and what its like to live with and cope with that trauma afterwards, all without anything very explicit.

as a side note, i don't think that "Trying to make the reader disgusted" is a bad reason to include it. i dont think you need a higher justification to write about csa other than "I Wanted To." that doesnt mean i always enjoy or agree with how ppl write about it but trying to evoke disgust isnt inherently bad because it is disgusting. I often evoke disgust with my art even when I don't mean to just because people are more sensitive to it than I am.

but being overly cautious about writing about csa, to the point that you don't even include it, means that most of the ppl writing about it will either be dickheads who don't care at all about being sensitive and victims of csa themselves and when those are the two main categories things get iffy and stressful and the survivors voices often get drowned out. im not gonna go into why cuz that'll take foreverrrrr. but my point is that I don't believe CSA is worse than like, death, or grief or murder or something. you can write about it if you wanna you dont need an excuse.

[literalite]

hi joseph! what are your thoughts on penacony arc? started it just yesterday and i'm not vibing with it 😭 afaik this is a pretty common feeling towards the beginning and especially 2.2 chapter but i've also seen people defending them. it's always intersting to see your opinion about any media in general, you have some insights i never really thought about. good luck on whoever you choose to pull!

omg hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii im so glad u appreciate my takes about these sillyyy gacha games rubs hands together lets get into it.. ive finished the whole story at this point but so sorry if i end up spoiling ill try break it up patch by patch

tldr; i think penacony is def a plot that gets more refined the further u go on, which i think makes sense because of how large and expansive the cast is to begin with they also throw like a fuckton of different plot points at u so theres a few different veins of thought u can chase in various directions. theyre going for more of a mystery and more morally ambiguous cast than the other planets/locations we've been to so far so i think its more a side effect of the genre so to speak. there's more room for error here and i admit i got tripped up at times esp in the beginning. i actually really liked 2.2 but it might be because my personal favourite penacony character got a lotttt of screentime, my fav patches have been 2.1 and 2.2 because at least in my opinion thats when the plot sort of tightened and wrapped up so it was less just stuff all over the place left to mislead us. this latest patch's story (2.3) is probably my least favourite but im still like sorting out why exactly. overall i think penacony might have had the best plot so far

2.0 - if one dreams at midnight aka black swan, sparkle and misha, and the introduction of penacony in general

the opening of this event/world was REALLY good i loved having acheron walk us through the hotel. probably one of the more engaging new gameplay tutorial processes i've been through and it raised so many questions (who is she/who is she to us/whats with the red text/WHAT IS GOING ON) that from someone who was admittedly not entirely sold on the whole dream hotel concept i was pretty easily hooked. admittedly i think the sort of concepts they were laying out for us in this new world are a lot more abstract than what we've previously encountered so i know a few of my friends ending up getting kind of tired of all the philosophical exposition and started just fast tracking their way thru the dialogue... which is a shame! yes theres a LOT of it and not all of it feels relevant in the moment but as someone who sat thru and read it all i think it was pretty solid. maybe they just need to get a bit better at being succinct

DGFghj the cutscenes and the characterisation in this patch were really beautiful moving stuff because i swear to u going in i didnt give a fuck about like. most of the cast like my only thought going in was oh i want sundays gender. but what i REALLY enjoy about penacony is that it felt like all the characters served a purpose in the story and there wasnt any characters just shoehorned in for the sake of more units to sell. does that make sense? for example in the xianzhou luofu i love that cast i swear but if you really look at them you could probably axe at least five of them from the roster and the main story would have remained exactly the same. like they appeared in the plot but they felt palpably unnecessary. whereas at least right now with all the playable characters that first appeared in penacony all played vital roles in progressing the story. i think for the amount of characters and how interesting they all are thats pretty solid storytelling, even if it amounts to just a lot of exposition at times. i liked the various clashing ideologies and paths it made for way more substantial narrative than any of the other locations so far

2.1 - into the yawning chasm aka the aventurine story ft. acheron

i think this patch had the strongest emotional story running through it, but i could be biased because i LOVE aventurine. to be clear i really didnt care about aventurine prior to playing through this story quest

im serious btw like i actually could not care less about him. it was solely the story quest that made me do one of my biggest 180s on him so far, and i know i'm not alone in this sentiment. i was actually really surprised they were spending sooo much time in his pov and mindset i think it was a decently bold move considering that we literally fight him by the patch's end- imagine if we'd spent half of belobog in cocolia's shoes for example. IT PAID OFF- i genuinely think the slightly less enthusiastic response to 2.2 is in part due to how fucking surprisingly amazing 2.1 was. i think acheron's presence in this one for me could have done with more but she has a stronger overall place in the narrative over the course of all of the penacony story quests that it somewhat balances out. the trailblazing crew took one hell of a step back for this patch but everyone was fine with that and i hope it encourages the writers and the devs to be okay with our like "main protagonists" being less of the pov characters. its interesting when you get to see other's lives, if anything for a gacha game it should honestly be encouraged? but anyways yeah this one was my fave patch on just the story alone

2.2 - then wake to weep aka robin and boothill's patch, as well as wrapping up the main plot of penacony AKA the sunday patch. to me.

i do think this one's story is a little weaker than the first two and especially in comparison to 2.1... but nevertheless i really loved it still mostly because i'd been waiting for sunday to unveil his true colours this entire time. the english va for sunday? fucking incredible it was the amount of just barely leased emotion holding on by the barest thread of control you could detect in pretty much every line he said that really hooked me onto the character. i think this update's plot is a little messy in terms of like pacing- at some points it dragged on and on others it felt way too fast but i adored the false ending and the whole twist of it all. some aspects of the story were admittedly really repetitive for some reason? a lot of the dialogue felt a little too overexposited- as much as i love the express crew when they're altogether they really just like yapping on about the same thing on repeat... i don't think the whole talent show thing was necessary LMFAO going into sunday's history lesson/mind palace construct would've been more than enough.

alllllso i get why boothill was here for this but at the same time of all the characters he feels the most... redundant? this sentiment is mostly influenced by the next patch because i really thought we were going to like actually go somewhere with his set up with aventurine but that kind of just.. didn't happen. like hes more necessary to this story than say, qingque or i guess bailu were for the xianzhou luofu but regardless his presence in this while amusing kind of lacked the oomph that all the other characters have had

this patch's cutscenes were definitely the best of all the ones we've seen so far, in my opinion, basically only rivaled by the aventurine vs acheron fight. all of sunday's scenes were chef kiss to the highest degree the way the line "through harmony, we obtain order" lives in my mind literally rent free. honestly i just like watching this whole thing

its fantastic. SUNDAY is our best villain so far hands fucking down i really liked the whole social contract aspect of his methodology. as much as people mischaracterise him sighhhh just the betrayal of his own sister in a bid to fulfill her dream, albeit misguidedly, is just so lovely and tragic i just. HRGHHH fucking phenomenal work. i know people got taken aback because sunday spent 2.1 being so focused on robin's murder, and i agree his turn straight back to his originally laid plans was more abrupt that i would have personally liked, but i still really enjoyed the whole thing fghjk. i am so biased because ive loved sunday from literally the moment his little chibi invited us to penacony at the end of the 1.6 stream (??) so every aspect of it was amazing to meeee. this patch had a slower build up to its climax than the others but its still my second favourite wuagh

2.3 - farewell, penacony aka firefly and jade's patch

im sorry this one is probably my least favourite ;-; they gave us really high expectations (the whole aventurine vs/with boothill ending, jade's introduction to penacony, etc etc) and i knowww this was always meant to be the last chapter of the penacony story so i shouldn't have expected them to unfold whole other untouched plot points at this stage but.... after all the high stakes of the rest of the story this ending while in some aspects kind of satisfying, fell short. for now! i expect them to bring the whole ipc scheming plotting thing back, they seem like a faction that will encounter a reckoning closer to the endgame of the story as opposed to being wrapped up right now. on an emotional level and specifically for the trailblazer and firefly's relationship, this was a fine patch! it was really cute... i just think that with how much emphasis we got on the pov of the other characters i really wish we'd spent time more with the rest of them. i guess i expected the ipc to bare their fangs a bit more here, but it still felt like it wrapped itself up cleaner than i would've preferred. sfdgfghjhkjk sue me i like chaos i want action i want them to fiiight... i guess it'll just be a matter of time though. not on this world, but maybe someplace elsewhere. we can only hope! in this regard i actually preferred the xianzhou ending, with tingyuns funerary service... it had more of a true weight to it than the goodbye the astral express gave the dead trailblazers and gallagher. they shouldve gotten a cutscene idkkkk

my brain is steaming so im gonna curb it here but basically in order of my fave to least fave the penacony patches go as follows:

2.1 -> 2.2 -> 2.0 -> 2.3

as someone who's only played genshin and hsr from hoyoverse i think this is a really good sign as to increasing complexity and depth to their characters and plotlines. the penacony narrative works because as self contained as it is it also presents us with a lot of questions and differing viewpoints that i daresay most of the other worlds both from genshin and hsr have so far been pretty much completely lacking. this really felt like a big beautiful puzzle getting assembled before our eyes and while the pieces didnt all seamlessly fit its just so much better than i am used to from this company im excited for the next worlds to come :D

[elvencantation]

damsel liveblog

tbh my forward arrow fingers are itchy so im gonna be skipping through a lot of this

okay that opening quote was just tacky. we get it. we've seen the previews. youve made the point with the movie title

dude youve brought like twelve people to kill a dragon?? how badly do you want to die?

ooooooo i do love some mushroom arthictecture!! gimme more pls

also love how the fire almost looks liquid in some spots. or maybe thats the melting armor

oh look she's cutting wood she's not a regular girl

they did pick the right task tho chopping wood is kinda hot (see that one canadian lady on instagram)

why does her maidservant already annoy me? its cute theyre holding hands tho

i like their furs. giving stark family vibes

queen of aurea?? seriously??? queen of gold with ships of gold? how on the nose??? or is that the point

srsly giving reverend mother vibes with the 'your holiness' and matchmaking. or maybe ive just got permanent dune brainrot that's closer to the surface after seeing pt2 twice in imax

oooooo cool hair!!

WAIT THATS HER LITTLE SISTER? oh okay the side by side shots make more sense now

more cool hair i wanna see closer!!! and cute sibling interaction

OMG THIS LOOKS SO COOL I WANNA GIF IT

screen recording aquired, will link when i gif

i'd be annoyed at the parent's reactions to aurea if i didnt think about just how much it weighed on them to not be able to provide for their people

i need to take a break and go walk mom's dog

back after that and yummy dinner and just hanging out in bed with puppy and re-reading star wars time travel fics

love how the mountains are immediately ominous behind the beautiful manicured gardens and the stately if a little smudgy castle

AHA THERES THE HAIR!! WHAT BEAUTIFUL BRAIDS IM OBSESSED

lovely balcony and once again, ominous mountains! so pretty so pretty

also yes i know this is pretty basic symbolism but having her in full sunlight and the other girl in shadow? *chefs kiss* i love it every time

girlie why you drawing a labyrinth? i thought she was journaling or something

GOD I LOVE ROBIN WRIGHT. I WANNA SEE HER EVIL

excited to see what the labyrinth will be. boy be calling it a maze smh

awww i do love a good horse ride!! and they match! too bad he's about to toss her into a chasm like a sack of sacrificial potatoes

oh no did they brainwash her poor dad?? also my god stepmom is on fire with the braids and outfits

the cracks are starting to show. but seriously, forgetting the name of the girl youre about to sacrifice?? thats just plain rude

ahhh here's the scene i saw like five times on instagram

oh god please dont make the corset weird please dont say anything weird about it P L E A S E for the love of marzi!

did they give her a bodice dagger?? or was that just the sheath? i love it

ahhhh i do enjoy some nature inspired jewelry!!

also the red cloak!!! lovely

pretty pretty pretty!!!

ahhh the creepy gold masks theyre so intricate!!!

and robin is now a reverend mother too

ooooo what a pretty shot and i want her jewelry wow

ahhhh i do enjoy how subtly uncomfortable the prince looks

aha there we go. now the fun can begin!

oooooo look at all those coins

also a very pretty shot!

oooooooo i need to gif this bit too

WAIT THE DRAGON TALKS?!?!!?

my god the voice is stunning

MAGMA DRAGONFIRE THIS IS GORGEOUS (pausing for more screen recording)

looks like the maw of a dragon!!!

wait im sorry why's the other girl burnt and dead if its only 'once a generation'???

avenging angel vibes pls continue

ok yeah so it was only a sheath. too much to ask for for them to give her an actual weapon

what the heck was in that pretty filigree egg thing?? also i want one. its so pretty. i mean i know it was some kind of scent. convenient that it burns like a lamp XD

wow this movie is just feeding me lots of pretty visuals tyty

good thing girlie's got lots of upper arm strength from chopping wood!

yeahhhh make a bioluminescent lamp!!! and double win, she got rid of the second sleeve. much better now

wow im gay

magically healing bioluminescent non-oceanic nudibranches??

thats my new indie band name btw

please tell me shes taking some magic slugs with her. youre gonna be climbing spikes pls bring some healing with you

such pretty stabby crystals!!

once again looking like a maw. though this time more like the maw of a sandworm ;)

"three were taken three must be given" ???? excuse me

ah. they were dumb enough to anger a mama dragon. they deserve to die

tell me her dad aint gonna get him and his men killed

also damn she made it all the way up just to have to come back down

oh we finally get to see the dragon!!! goddamn. she looks like a scaly gryfon i like it

dont you guys dare kill the dad off just as i was starting to like him. dont do it

yeah i guess they realized they had to redeem him so his death would have impact. rude

girl take chekhov's sword!

ohhhh this is so pretty i think i gotta screen record it too

this is some pompeii shit. oh i should watch that movie its got two hot people in it

even cooler!!!

theyre just killing everyone?? thats boring

the mulan hair thing woulve been cool if i didnt daily put up my hair in a very secure bun without any pins or hairties that only works when your hair is like mid back length at least XD

its a miracle you didnt hurt your leg with you fell elodie

oh noooooo oh god that was so awkward i cant

why is this so awkward?? whats happening

like you ever did what you were told?? whats happening? whats with the pacing, the dialogue the blocking?? w h a t

why did they have to show the queen with her crown melting off for so long??

oh they match! nice

ooooooo pretty pretty

overall kind of a fun movie. dont think i'd watch it again. still need to watch i am dragon

[terraliensvent]

good gpd im so frustrated with stuff in terras rn. idont care anymore if they know who i am im jyst. so so frustrayed. its so hard to get stuff u want without spending money and im really lucky i have 3 terras. but oh god its so frustrating seeing people ask for. what even was it. asking for 14 myos. for 1 terra. it makes me so unvelievably angry!!

not tomention the way terra staff picked all the people who werent that active in chats. but just because they knew eachother well and were friends. it makes me lose hope for ever being a syaff and helping make this cs a little better :(

also how terra gas are always peopel with super detailled "pop" styles. like yeah youre picking smaller artists but.. yhey all have very similar styles and. its discouraging to someone with a chibi style who just really likes designing terras. it makes me wanna leave so bad.

and i. i cannot handle some of the members sometimes. some members will talk about how they dony have much money, like someone said they didnt have money for something. then immediately after bought a terra??? i mean i get that it can be addicting n stuff but. its so so frustrating oh god.

especially when people like. are talking about stuff and someone mentions something cpmpletely off topic. i could understanf if!!! maybe !! they asked nicely for a topic change and left it at tht but. ive seen people spam their own topics in the middle of another convo.

also i dont even wanna mention the trading scene. its insane. man i. ive been condidering leaving for sonlong mostly from members and specific staff. but. aughhhgg i love terras so much i just. wish i could make it better. i genuinely cry over it bc . i love terras so so much but its all going to shit . :C

im mostly just frustrated with dtaff constantly taking customs because if the staff customs channel and their new godly role. it sucks. it makes people feel like their artvisnt worth it, seeinh bids surpass thr hundreds while some camnot sell a fullbody for $5 just bc bias.

if staff see this, im sorry. i wish i didnt have yo go on a vent blog to say this. but i know saying it in the server would just get me silenced. please try to help with these issues seen here. and im genuinely so sorry, i really want to help, but this is the only way i can help now: giving criticism. i hope things change and i can enjoy terras again. i also hope staff are okay, i do not eant this to be mean or stressing in any way. :C [sorry for the typos mod i am very shaky rn and in a bus and carsick so im trying to fix them as mucj as i can. and ty for dealing witg all the drama.]

im sorry youre having such a bad time anon, it can be difficult once you realize all the deep cracks within the foundation of something you like

youre right in saying the trading scene is absolutely insane rn, people have decided that myos arent as powerful of a trading chip anymore but theyre still just as difficult to get, what the FUCK would someone even need 14 myos for

the staff has always been cliquey, if youre not in their little friend group you might as well be dirt, and theyre so biased toward pop artists, thats why kiwi rot was allowed to make a feral terra custom even while the hammer was coming down hard on them.

members are so rude and im tired of people pretending theyre not. at some point you gotta wonder how many times someone will breach social contract again and again regardless of every single time theyre politely told to wait their turn, just say you want to butt in and be done with it. ive never seen so many people absolutely unable to actually pay attention to the conversation at hand and it really seems like they just want to hear themselves talk

staff as a role is just a pretty little modifier to say “im elite, now drop $100s on my customs so you can immediately trade it off and say ‘looking for staff swaps ONLY if you offer me anything else u r getting blocked xoxox’”, none of them actually really use the new role to bring new viewpoints to the species or to make systems move faster, if they were then youd think we would actually have implemented more site functionality than one single fucking forage button and people wouldnt have to wait upwards of 2 weeks to get a myo design approved

terras biggest downfall is that every single person in the server is too sensitive for criticism and take it way too personally, that way everything gets silenced and nothing gets better.

personally anon, i suggest distancing yourself a bit. when i started moving away from the species and focusing on irl self improvement, i felt so much better (and started saving a lot of money)

[byuntrash101]

Just saw ur post about depressed at work and went like, "mood". Is your job hurting you or is it something else...?

first of all thank you just for reacting to this i was just kinda just screaming into the void with this post like idk i didnt even know actual people would see it so thx for just checking on me this means the literal world <3

i try to keep my blog as much "good vibes only" as possible so if anybody reading this post dont want to be bummed out (which i understand) dont read under the cut

to put it simply yes. yes it's my job.

like i've been knowing this job was the problem for a rather long time because i was super stressed all the time and all it wasnt fun but like i only truly understood when i went on vacay some weeks ago it was the FIRST TIME that i enjoyed my days off without stressing about work and/or just ended up actually working FOR FREE because i was stressed that too much work would be waiting for me when i get back. that time i was literally stranded in the ocean and i didnt have a choice to just let go and not worry about work it felt AMAZING. i've been having non stop headaches and panic attacks and i didnt have ANY while i was on vacay. i remember so clearly thinking at some point wow that is what life is about...

and yeah so im gonna quit. like freal. yesterday they anounced us something again and i know this new thing will result in more work and im sick of the pressure they constantly put on us because they treat the clients like literal infants and we have to find every way possible to make them satisfied. so that was the last sign i needed from the universe to get the fuck out.

sure im well paid and can afford to travel and go to kpop concerts and buy the things that i want but honestly at what cost? no amount of money is worth the mental and physical torment... because at this point my stress level is constant and so bad that im noticing physical repercussions.... and yeah not worth it.

so im going to quit. ill look for an other job i know grass is not always greener on the other side but there MUST be a side where the color of the grass suits me! coporate life is a bitch honestly and clients are the worst i love my team so much ive been holding on for so long for their sake because my colleagues are the greatest but honestly none of them deserve to go through what they put us through. they should all quit.

i dont wanna settle. i can find better. (honestly none of us should ever settle for less. lets know our worth. we are bad bitches <3)

so yeah ill make an anouncement soon about an incoming writing hiatus (i will still be reading and reblogging and lurking like the cave troll that i am) because i'll be looking for a job and that takes a lot of time and i still have my current job i have to go to (unfortunately).

sorry for the unsolicited rant... but yeah BUT because im a person that focusses on the bright side... other than my shit job! everything is good! im okay if it wanst' for that my life would be perfect! dont worry too much about me <3

also i've seen your recent post your job also sounds complicated. i hope you're ok too <3 dont hesitate to rant to me lets both talk shit about our company together. lets bond over hatred <3

[kurp-stuff]

Just posting some thoughts about the dead/po/ol and wol/ve/rine movie (i was gonna tag a post but it became too long and unrelated to the actual post which was about byebyebye nsync). It's not gonna be organized, maybe i'll organize them later whatever.

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i thought the movie was barely a movie rather a succession of cameos references and fight scenes. It felt really empty or shallow to me. (really makes you understand why in english film and movie are different terms tbh). And seeing people say it's a very good movie has me losing my mind fr

Not that i had a BAD time either. I got all the references since im a big stinky nerd. And i have a fascination for bad 00s superhero movies. They're delicious garbage to me. So I was amused by he cameos.

But GOD please im begin people to actually watch movies other than marvel ones

I say that as someone who started their cinematography classes almost only with those as a reference. And i was a bit snobbed by my cinemato professor so my point is not to be a snob. like yes sometimes it's fun I understand.

tho i wouldnt rewatch almost any mcu movie for pleasure. I still very much enjoy the guardians of the galaxy trilogy for example. But that's because they're literally better than the other mcu movie sorry i dont make the rules hihi. And x-men first class is one of my fav movie let's be real.

So yea sometimes it's fun but when it's monopolizing the industry and honestly harming it ....There should be less of those amusement park movies. Yessss ok im aligning with scorcese sorryyyy. Sorry im an old fart 😔.

And i know cinema started as a curiosity showcased in fairs and huh circus/carnivals etc. But that's also because it was new.

Anyway again not saying this as a snob like im better than you or whatever. I regurlarly watch disney channel original movies like they're the best things ive ever seen. So im not here for denying you your fun. Im here to tell you YOU DESERVE BETTER.

Now back on the movie itself : the music was nice. But can you go wrong with classic madonna and corny 00s boys band songs and grease ?

tbf i think the 1st deadpool movie is more crappy than funny and i liked the 2nd one. It had some funnies in it (and again big stinky nerd so i knew the new characters (mostly) and was happy to see them) But GOD is that humour 12 yo boy on 9gag in 2011. most of it at least. And fart jokes make me joke most of the time so you can imagine if im tired by the movie's humour. Like I love the Austin powers movie and im still saying that. (idk im trying to find examples of movies with crass humour tho it's not exactly the same kind of humour. And not all jokes make me laugh in Austin powers to be clear)

Weird villain choice for a movie which is at best anecdotic (do you say that in english ?). I used to read x-men comics with her in it cause my dad had them. But didnt understand shit cause i was literally 8. But she seemeed way to important and scary to be a deadpool movie variant villain ???? Feels like wasted potential.

Idk if it's skill issue from me but trying to sum up the movie to a friend was a hard task. And idk if it's because the movie is actually well very empty so when talking about it i immediatly talked about the cameos and references rather than the plot. Tho the overall plot is not that complicated, it's just not solid enough and nothing in the narration and filming helps (sorry lacking some cinematography terms in english)

The middle part is so long and mostly boring (except for the cameos) that i forgot what they were doing there at some point. Also very much my opinion, and i think the same for the 3 deadpool movies, but the humour really prevents me for caring about anything happening. Also love Wade saying he wants to save his timeline because his whole world is like 5 people that live in it. But we only see those people like 5 minutes, 10 minutes tops.

Also idk but i feel like this movie would be an ordeal to watch for someone who isnt temrinally ill with mcu disease and hasnt watched every single piece of mcu shit there is before watching this movie. (i mean I did ...watch almost everything...sooo uugh). Like this was another problem I had telling the story to my friend. She has watched A LOT of mcu and has been a big fan of it until like maybe 2 years ago when doctor strange mom came out (which was terrible you guys are insane for thinking this movie is good. twas a bit funny tho. but not comically bad enough for me to call it delicious garbage. I was a bit desappointed but i had expectations for billy and tommy lmao. I'll rewatch it one day). And she hasnt watched any mcu shows. NOW TO EXPLAIN THE TVA. Okay I simplified by saying they're a time patrol that "controls" and watch over all the timelines or something like that. But geeze. And if you havent watched all or some the old fow superhero movies, the cameos are meaningless to you (not my case I wish the human torch had stayed longer. I was obsessed with the fantastic 4 movie as a kid. delicious delicious garbage. My second obsession was the daredevil 2003 movie. I would have died if they'd manage to get Ben Affleck for this shit).

Like a youtuber I follow said, it's probably gonna become less enjoyable with each rewatch, like no way home (which i thought was very mediocre even when i 1st saw it with friends and was the only old killjoy saying it wasnt the masterpiece they said it was). Let's be real apart from the other spider-man participation, the movie is boring. And stupid. Mcu Steven Strange is a stupid old fuck and deserved to be demoted :) . And even the cameo moments have little pauses after made specially for cinema cheering. UUUGUHHGHGH. Like apart from that the movie is not solid enough for it to stay the same fun everytime we watch it. And the cinematography is like absent i believe. SOOOO YEAAA.

Oh yeah the joke about Hugh Jackman being forced to play wolverine until he's 90 and then the same week anouncing robert downey jr returning to the mcu as dr doom 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

Anyway

Superheroe movies can be good and CINEMA, not just entertainment (i do believe cinema should also be entertaining actually BUT you get me). That's why Im annoyed at those movies. Like Of course I do believe a vast majority of comic books adaptations should be animated movies or shows. Like literally the best superhero movies are the incredibles and into the spiderverse. Undebatable. Then there's like The batman 2022 which is the only live action superhero movie i thought was good good. Oh yea and 2 or 3 x-men movies are nice I love them Im an x-men stan when xmen is good. (huh yes im a nolan batman trilogy hater, i fucking hate them, find them boring as hell and dull and fail to see how they are cinematographically interesting. Also responsable for bad opinions about batman since 2005. Doesnt feel anything like batman, like honeslty could just change the characters' name that's how much they dont feel like themselves. Feels like Nolan doesnt like batman, is ashamed of doing a batman/superhero movie. Realism my ass. Artistic direction I HAAAATE. I'll try watching it again sometime cause im desperatly trying to understand what people like in these movies)

Anyway that's it for now after this digression. If anyone read all that and wanna talk about it Im open.

[raven]

this is only somewhat related i guess but i had a similar revelation about writing something original a while ago. i wrote some fanfiction online and i got really attached to the story, and at some point i realized the plot is far removed enough from the og source material that i could literally just change character names and make small tweaks and it could be just a regular book. currently working on editing/getting it published atm and it’s going well so!! :]

(also, while i agree that fanfic is not inherently made for serious critique/meaning and it shouldn’t be treated as such, i view writing fic almost the same as regular writing, just in a different context and working off another piece of media, and i’ve read a lot of fics that at leasts i consider to be genuinely good and well crafted. some of the most talented writers i know personally started out writing fanfic or *still* write it, so i don’t know if treating the entire concept of fanfic like it can’t be art at all is fair. but of course that’s just personal opinion!! i don’t think it matters much lmao but i just respectfully disagree w that part)

I hope that goes well! i know a lot of people dont like it when fanfics get published and i agree on most levels but ive read at least one (as a kid, so maybe im just remembering it as better than it was, but whatevr) where i was like the only thing about this that is somewhat similar to the source material is the character dynamics and obviously the names, like what are you doing just make it completely your own.. ok heres the thing. published r*ylo (or any star wars fanfic lol) is like garbage and trash and already overdone. but i would read, like, a published sasunaru fanfic. havent even seen/read naruto but i would read it. its just the literal nerve of publishing straight fanfiction. (the finnpoe one that people made fun of a few months ago also looked bad but everything star wars is kind of straight to me, and also bad) sorry if what you're writing is straight and especially if it's star wars but if it is do keep these words in mind.

anyways. i think it can be a useful tool in practicing writing (although there are some bad habits that are very prevalent in fanfiction) Also btw sorry the edible just hit so this migjt be less coherent. And ive read some that i enjoyed, some that were well written, etc, but its just. theres something to me that is just kind of . Self centered? and i say this as someone who has read fanfic recently like the vibes i get from the authors and myself as a reader. it's just like... Things You Like. its Stuff You Enjoy. its kind of like . its so self indulgent. (even if its like well it can be used to explore mature themes etc etc Listen on some level You Like It and its not because of its social commentary! or whatever.) Maybe i spoke too quickly on saying its "not art" but i. Well. Hm. i cannot vocalize this right now im sorry. Anyways. if u want to continue this conversation do not be afraid to dm me, these posts are just getting long and probably annoying and the edible did hit right in the middle so i didnt give it all of my best work. im like super high right now sorry bye

[rayroseu-reblogs]

OOOOHHHHAosuqiixiaxj!!!!!!😎😎🙌🙌🙌✨✨✨ *sweats in replying days later...*

Least

Usually, I interpret dorm tierlist as "least to most likely" I'll approve and relate of this dorm's rules, aesthetic, character, and story-

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7. My least favourite would be Octavinelle-- Its a really pretty dorm thoughh I like TWST version of underwater dorm 🥺 but it got the least fave because... I wouldnt fare well underwater im not a good swimmer, the people there feels like theyre scheming i wouldnt handle it for one day there and I'm still salty about the whole "were stealing ramshackle because it would be more profitable than Yuu having it!" fiasco KDKAKD sorry not sorry Azul 😩💥

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6. Next up Savanaclaw💛 THEYRE DEFINITELY MUCH HIGHER than Octavinelle 😭 cuz I love hot weather dorms, my element 😎🙏���� so plus plus plus points for Savanaclaw for having that!!! Tbhh they couldve done more for the outer architecture of the dorm but I love the furnitures of this dorm, looks homey tbh

As for the dorm mates,,,, I'm definite straight up NO with their policy that the strongest survives there IM A WEAK ASS BTICH JAJSKA and i like... lazing around but I'm not Leona so sike ig. I love Ruggie and Jack MOST ESPECIALLY JACK, i feel like hes a great student to be around, yk always striving you to work hard, I need more people like that irl honestly 😭

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5. i havent completed book 6 of ignihyde yet but im not really much of a shut in and im not nerdy enough for computers so i probably wont vibe with most people there because im probably going to be considered like a normie lol, as for ortho and idia, i havent seen much of them and honestly im not the biggest idia fan 💥 so not much of an opinion of them. i love their dorm architecture though, its so cool💙 ive placed them higher than savanaclaw bcs atleast here i wont have to wrestle with some random people lol

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4. pomefiore!!!! ooooohhh i love this dorm but im really really not sure if i'll fit in so right now i just feel like im an admirer from far away for this dorm of beauty 😭💜 i love the story, i love vil rook and epel, the idol arc was so great!! i also relate to vil a lot about wanting to spite neige just a bit lol i understand that feeling so well augh💥 AND HIS OVERBLOT FORM IS ONE OF MY TOP FAVOURITES OF ALL 💜💜 i think i wouldnt fare well with the constant criticism even though vil or whatever pome student didnt mean too much about it and just want to help💥

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3. third will be scarabia !! theyre honeslty a tie between heartslabyul i believe these two dorms are most compatible with me- i love their dorm's motive is mindfulness and kalim's the dorm leader!!!! thats alrwady the luckiest sign you'll be ok at nrc... atleast lol i feel like twst en didnt tell its story greatly bcs i honestly enjoyed reading this book through fan translations instead- jamils struggle kinda hits home ksksks ALSO HOT WEATHER DORM 💕💕🥰 and did you see the furnitures for this dorm??? very beautifulll i love their dorm uniform as welll it looks easy to move in and comfortable. 10/10 best dorm for hospitality and management, literally unproblematic, (probably bcs of jamil 😭 )

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2. 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 you know first anythings are always special to me, so heartslabyul ♥️♥️ if theres any book story that twst perfected currently itll be book 1!! I LOVEEE the characters, the build up, the ending, and riddles overblot form!! it was all too engaging and well written, i could feel they worked hard for the first dorm to introduce twisted wonderland !! hm, i kinda like that they have a set of rules to follow even though theyre nonsense akdkks, im probably going to be like deuce if im in this dorm; clueless but trying hard.😩✨ wouldnt mind being in this dorm, unpopular opinion? but i really like their dorm uniform♥️🥰

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1. oh dear here goes...😭👍💚💚💚 diasomnia i feel like theres so manyyyy diaso stans and im just a pebble in contrast of them skslksks anyways this dorm was what started me to play twst in the first place so it was bound to be my best fave lol i wont say much because most people here already stated why this dorm is so loveable-- its the unique cast and the found family dynamics💚💚 also my beloved malleus is from heree soo😳💚😳💚😳💚 i WOULDNT WANT TO BE IN THIS DORM HOWEVER THOUGH the pressure of always being excellent and elegant?? AGHH ITS LIKE POMEFIORE BUT WITH SAVANACLAW HARSHNESS 😭💥 i'd die if the dark mirror sorted me here 💀

a major part of why i like this dorm even though its policies and aesthetic is a complete 180 of me, its the characters..😭👍 All four of them are just so relatable, i see myself in each of them like weuuwusuw did yana toboso wrote these in accordance to what i am..😎💥💥

im most related to silver thoughh-- literally im like him who is raised by a single father whos often absent/travelling, so he desperately wants to be independent to help him ABHSJSS😭😭

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at lasttt, tbh as much as the 7 dorms are awesome, i think i would love to be in ramshackle the most, i dont mind cleaning and im a traditionalist through and through so i wouldnt mind not having technologies for a while💥 i dont mind its literally a haunted house, ive been wanting to see ghosts but atlast my paranormal experiences are next to nothing😔😔 the only trouble i would get here is having to supervise the majority of nrc students like jsidosk my mental health could never... 🏃‍♀️

AJJSIA ITS FINALLY FINSIHED OH GOODNESS THIS HAS BEEN IN MY DRAFTS FOR SO LONG OMFG😭😭

tagging @cancerdust96 and @roxanavanrouge2400 hehe i feel like u two are diasomnia stans as well-- so im curious as to your reasons for liking themm💚😊😊

hey a little tag game i want to try!!! order your favorite twst dorms from least fave to favorite!

Scarabia: their characters on their own are good but seeing them together makes me extremely uncomfortable?? it’s probably because the orientalism plus people shipping together..it’s not jamil and kalims fault but i have a complicated relationship with scarabia

Octavinelle: idk they just don’t stand out to me. jade is neat but i feel like the tweels are overhyped. don’t really have an opinion about azul

Savanaclaw: again the characters are great but. as a whole they don’t stand out to me. i love jack and ruggie but leona 😬 if you got rid of the sarcasm and smug expression he would be a cool character (i kin him more than i would like) but i feel like he’s wasted potential. also book 2 was the hardest to get through because it was so boring it really did them dirty

Heartslabyul: the card guys!! don’t really care much about them either..i usually like alice in wonderland vibes but their dorm uniforms are the worst things i’ve ever seen. WHY DO THEY WEAR T-SHIRTS?? other than that i don’t have much to say about them.

Pomefiore: THE GAYS okay they’re awesome. this is mostly because of rook i just really like rook. and rookvil. epels great to actually. also on the complete opposite note their dorm uniforms are amazing (maybe even my favorite) i would totally wear them myself. but even though they’re in the top three i don’t really think about them more than any of the other dorms.

Ignihyde: okay of course my second favorite dorm is the cute family. what did you expect. but also they are so interesting?? book 6 has been the best book so far especially with all the lore. also ortho is best boy AND LITERALLY A ROBOT. how can you not like precious robot boy who loves his brother. also their designs are cool the hades hair and teeth are very gender.

Diasomnia: you already knew this was coming. my beloved dark romanticism found family dorm<33 i am literally obsessed with them okay. not only are their designs peak gender but they’re WRITING is so. augh. just the contrast between them. we got two faes who are centuries old and have experienced years upon years of hardship. war. suffering. and then we have two (one and a half) humans who have never experienced loss. or grief. they are honest and hardworking and loyal, they represent youth and joy!! and yet they all have so much LOVE and TRUST for eachother it makes me go INSANE!!!! also you can never miss with gothic aesthetics and fairies…literally the greatest thing out there

anyways in conclusion i think any dorm that isn’t diasomnia and doesn’t have tragedy and fate weaved inside them are plain and boring. if i placed your favorite dorm low feel free to tell me why im wrong and why they are the best!! i would love to hear :)) (also feel free to include ramshackle too)

tagging: @rayroseu-reblogs @ethanwinterfan69 @drdepper @shrimpyjustwrites @llondonfog @wondergeek @frogeloise @morays @hxneylavendxr @teslathelame @the-v-lociraptor @anotherlavendergay @chaoticsnacc @aloodonut @valsol-909 if you guys would like<3

[flagellant]

Okay so. Sorry for the length here.

i used to think that atheist just meant that i dont believe in anything right?? But ive been following you and bones for long enough to know that thats not all it is cos that the ppl that claim that title are mostly annoying and also assholes.

i just dont believe in anything. And i was raised by a witch that was raised by a witch and so on. Like, i dont believe in anything but i also dont believe that theres any more proof that theres nothing than there is that theres something, yk?? And for me personally, i just dont care. Like a god or whatever could introduce themselves to me tomorrow and if they arent gonna or cannot improve my situation immediately i simply do not care about their existence.

i didnt realise that the majority of ppl that call themselves atheist were generally exactly as narrow and close minded as any religious extremist group. Thats genuinely fkn frightening wow.

i enjoy your blog so much cos even tho i dont believe in anything i truly think that having beliefs is overall a good and helpful thing and i learn a lot about what different ppl believe and how to be more like. idk ig accommodating?? To those things. i like learning about what ppl believe in cos i cant prove its not true, right?? All information is good and useful information. And whatever somebody believes in is a part of them so knowing and respecting it is just basic if you care even just a bit about them.

But im not just here to tell you about what youve taught me and shit i also wanna ask a question....if not atheist, what should i call myself?? Like in situations where i need to or care about explaining my position on these things?? Like i dont believe in anything but i also dont believe that theres any more or less proof that im 'right' than any religious person. Also, i was raised the way i was so ive seen magic and when i was small at least 30% of my friends were probably ghosts of some kind and ik that probably means something to a lot of ppl but it doesnt to me and even if its actually important i just dont care. Like ik that theres a lot going on its just not got anything to do with me. So what do i call that?? Is that agnostic?? Cos the way i understand that (which ig is probably wrong) is that the person believes in something they just dont have enough info to decide on what. Thats not me. So if i must give it a name what would you say i should call it?? Please and thank you.

First of all thank you for your thoughtful response!! It's always good to hear that sometimes I get listened to lmao. That said, I think a lot of the issue here might be miscommunication--atheist isn't like, a dirty word or poisoned concept. From what I can tell that you described, it fits you well. Apathetic atheism is pretty prevalent and to be clear these weirdos getting mad at me are best defined as antitheistic atheists--people who don't believe in the existence of higher powers and are against the idea of such in others.

It's admittedly a little tricky in your case specifically. Depending on exactly how the apathy is, agnostic might be a better fit for you, but at that point I'd just suggest you use the word you feel most comfortable with identifying yourself. Don't forget that you don't need to justify yourself to others when it comes to something as personal as this. So long as you aren't hurting people just do what you want.

[hwangsies]

zephyr

(n) a gentle breeze

pairing: seo changbin x female reader (hwang hyunjin x female reader)

genre: rebound to fwb to dumbasses to lovers(?), college!au, undergroundrappers!3racha

warnings: angst: mentions of infidelity, heartbreak and abuse, seemingly unrequited love, they are both so dumb and prideful its annoying, fluff, bad attempt at comedy, minsung on the side, cursing, alcohol consumption, smut: protected piv, oral (f), studio sex, praise, mild degradation, hair pulling, mild spanking

wc: 10k

enjoy <3

-

September

"y/n?" you hear your roommates faint voice calling out your name.

You dont bother to answer because you know she's going to come into your room at any second now.

And you're right. "y/n??" Your door opens a few seconds later.

You groan in response, not looking up and instead staying in your little cocoon of blankets.

"no babygirl what are you doing?" you feel the bed shift under lias weight when she sits down.

"what does it look like i'm doing?" you grumble back, her hand gently rubbing over your arm.

"sulking, babe" she replies, dropping her purse to the ground.

"10 points for griffyndor" you sniffle as you scooch and sit up, pushing the blankets half off of you at which she sighs.

"wooyoung was not that good of a boyfriend for you to still be crying over him" lia presses her lips together concernedly.

She's right, you know it. It has almost been two months and you still feel like crying everytime someone mentions him.

"i know" you nod somewhat defeatedly "still, i was with him for almost a year and" you hiccup "he literally ripped my heart out and trampled on it"

"i know" lia nods understandingly "but i do think it would help if you went out again, even if its just for a night, you know just to be around people"

"it probably would but i just dont have the energy for it" you shrug your shoulders.

"i get it, girl, i really do" she pats your knee "both of my exes cheated on me, my only luck was that they were both awful at hiding it so i found out pretty quickly" she huffs.

You force out a chuckle, from what you heard from one of the girls that wooyoung cheated on you with, was that it started 3 months into your relationship.

"this the most humiliating thing ever, lia" you scoff "being with someone for so long, trusting them and telling them all your secrets and you think they are doing the same for you but then realizing that they were faking it all along to have multiple side chicks, and the fact that i was too oblivious to figure it out is the icing on the cake" you rub your forehead, feeling a migrane approach due to the sheer amount of crying you've been doing.

She seems to know what's happening and hands you the water bottle next to your bed "hydrate, sis"

So, you do. Taking four big gulps out of the water bottle.

Once you place the bottle next to you and tie your hair in a messy bun, you look at your roommate more thuroughly now that the tears are wiped away.

"you look pretty" you compliment her makeup and casual yet chic outfit "what'd you do tonight?"

Her contagious grin spreads over her face, eyes turning into little crescents.

"chris took me to the fair in town" lia grins before her face drops "I'm sorry, this is maybe not the time to ta-"

"No! It is, tell me about it" you interrupt her.

"O-okay" she nods hesitantly "well, i dont know if you've been keeping track but today was our fourth date and it was amazing" she gushes.

"I cant believe how much i like him, like, its crazy" she squeals a little, at which you giggle.

"so, fourth date huh? And he hasnt tried to get into your pants yet?" you quip.

"nope, i initiated our first kiss and other than that nothing" she whispers the last words before laughing.

"thats great" you smile, genuinely happy for her.

"Hmm yea" she sings as she gets up "i'll go to bed now too"

"Oh, hey, i have an idea" lia speaks up when standing in your doorway "chris has this performance thingy in two days, you should totally come!" she offers enthusiastically.

"he has a band?" you ask, partly to distract her from her offer.

"Hmm not really a band, they're a trio and there is this performance on saturday where a bunch of underground artists perform, i didnt fully listen if im honest" she giggles "but you should come with me!!" she jumps excitedly.

"i dont kno-"

"y/n pleasee? You'd do me a huge favor too because i dont know anyone there" lia pleads, clutchig her hands together.

"you know chris" you rebuttal.

"and what am i supposed to do when he's performing? stand around like an idiot? please y/n" she pouts.

"I dont really think this is my type of crowd..." you scratch your head.

"please please please" she jumps once more.

You sigh and tilt your head as you look at her sternly.

"one of his friends is single" she adds carefully.

"and cute" she sings "from what ive seen in pictures" she adds.

"lia" you groan.

"I'll do your laundry for two weeks if you come with me"

"you will?" Your head snaps towards her.

"yes i will! i promise, just come with me, please?"

A long sigh leaves your lips "okay"

-

The strong bass of the loud music rings in your chest as soon as you step foot into the club where “3racha” is supposed to be performing tonight.

Lia comes to a halt and you almost run into her because you were to busy checking out the venue and the other people around you.

“sorry” you mumble and hold onto her arm to avoid getting lost in the crowd.

She pulls out her phone and clicks on her and hers and chris’s chat, to figure out where to meet them, you assume.

“okay” lia puts her phone back into her jeans pocket and grabs your hand “they’re backstage, lets go”

“can we just go there?” you almost yell for her to understand what you’re saying.

“yea! Chris said he’ll make sure we’ll get in, come on” she tugs at your hand for you to walk faster.

You waddle behind her, barely dodging some drunk guys beer that goes flying before you arrive at the sign that says “artists only” and a black curtain behind it.

The guy standing infront of it raises a brow at the two of you before pointing at said sign “read ladies, no fans allowed”

“hey, they’re with me” a guy, you assume to be chris, taps on his shoulder and shows his artists badge, half of his body still covered by the curtain.

The bigger guy sighs and lets you through.

“thank you” lia lets go of your hand to loop her arms around chris’s neck once behind the curtain, they kiss and you look around.

Not because you are particularly uncomfortable, maybe still just a little bitter at happy couples.

You audibly clear your throat when they are still making out after a good ten seconds.

“oh-uhm” lia looks back at you after breaking the kiss “chris, this is y/n, y/n, chris” she giggles.

“hi y/n, nice to meet you” he gives you a quick hug and a smile full of dimples, finally understanding why your roommate is always swooning about him.

“hi” you smile back, somewhat forced.

“lets go to our dressingroom” chris suggests and leads the way.

Opening the door, he lets you and lia walk in first.

One guy is dancing around in the middle of the room, singing along to the current song that’s being played in the background with a water bottle as a pretend mic.

Another is one sitting on the small couch and laughing at him.

“oh, hi” the guy stops singing and quickly hides the bottle behind himself at which chris chuckles.

“guys, this is lia and y/n” chris points at the two of you before closing the door behind him.

“ooo the lia?” the waterbottle guy wiggles his eyebrows, at which you cant help but laugh as well, he isn’t very tall but looks lean.

“what is the lia supposed to mean?” lia laughs when chris comes up and slings an arm around her waist from behind her.

“I..well-I talk about you sometimes-“

“sometimes my ass” the guy sitting on the couch scoffs amusedly, your eyes shift to him.

He’s wearing a white baseball cap and a pretty tight fitted black Versace shirt, making his shoulders and arms look broad.

His hands clad in black half-gloves, he adjusts his cap before locking eyes with you and quickly looking down again.

“channie hyung must’ve forgotten his manners, I’m jisung” the waterbottle guy speaks up “and that’s changbin hyung” he points at the most intimidating-looking of the three of them, on the couch.

“channie?” lia squeals as she sits down with chris on the couch changbin is sitting on as well, jisung coming up to you.

“hey, you want something to drink?” he asks, pointing at the mini bar feigning cockiness  “we have a mini bar”

“woow” you chuckle, playing along “sure I’d love a drink”

“how come we’ve never met on campus before?” jisung asks after mixing you a vodka soda and sitting down on the second couch in the room.

“oh, you all go to uni here as well?” you ask surprisedly as you sit down next to him..

“yea” he grins “that’s how we all met” he points at lia and chris almost sitting on top of each other “and those two”

“oh I didn’t even know that” you take a sip, trying to loosen up “I guess I wasn’t listening when she was ranting on about him”

Jisung laughs and changbin joins the two of you as he sits down next to jisung.

“they just started calling each other bubs I feel like throwing up” changbin groans as he drinks from his beer.

You huff before jisung speaks again, looking from his friend back to you “he’s usually more romantic” he quips.

“I bet” you joke with him.

“yup” changbin locks eyes with you “that’s why I’m single, I’m just too romantic” he shakes his head sarcastically.

“ooh” you squint your eyes “emotional unavailability? love that in a man” you grin, at which his eyebrow quirks up amusedly.

“speaking of man, did minho hyung text you when he’d be here?” jisung asks his friend.

“yea he said he’ll be here in 5 and that you should finally buy a new phone” changbin answers, reading it from his phone at which jisung scoffs before turning to you.

“minho is my boyfriend” he explains “he’s hot” he grins at which you laugh “I bet”

“so, y/n, do you have a boyfriend?” jisung asks after taking a sip of his drink

“not anymore” you scoff, jisung inhales excitedly “guess what, changbin is single as well” he grins from ear to ear, comically looking back and forth between you two.

“oh, please dont start like lia” you chuckle, leaning forwards to lock eyes with changbin “no offense, but I only attract assholes”

He shakes his head, amusedly raising his brows “none taken” he grins at which you huff before a young woman comes into their dressing room to tell them they’re up next.

-

Back in the crowd, you and lia find a good place just as the lights dim and the music begins to play.

Suddenly you feel someone run into your side “woah I’m sorry” he quickly apologizes “this guy pushed me” he looks behind him.

“its alright” you nod, loud enough for him to hear.

Once they come outside, the crowd goes wild.

“jisungieee” the guy next to you all over sudden screams, you have to smile when looking at him.

“are you minho by any chance?” you ask him.

He nods aggressively “yea! do you know jisung?”

“I just met him backstage” you yell over the loud bass.

Minho laughs and nods before the bass drops and chris starts the first verse.

“he’s great right?” lia screams into your ear when the first chorus ends.

“yea” you nod, actually surprised at how good their music is, now understanding as to why the crowd loves them so much.

Changbin starts his verse and suddenly you feel somewhat entranced, his voice is rough and his bars are hard, definitely fitting his appearance but what entices you is the passion with which he appears to be performing.

Throughout their whole performance you cant take your eyes off him, the way his arms flex when he grips onto the microphone a little harder or the way his jugular sticks out when he growls into the microphone.

Not to mention the thighs you somehow didn’t notice in their dressing room, you watch them strain against his leather pants and feel even hotter suddenly.

Their last song ends and lia is quick to be in your ear about going backstage to chris again.

“oh you know chan hyung?” minho overhears and chimes in.

“yea she’s his date” you point at your overly excited roommate.

“changbin just texted and said they’re upstairs in the vip lounge, come with me” the brunette holds out his hand for you to take, which you do and grab lia with the other one.

“do you know where you’re going?” you ask minho after a minute of pressing yourself along sweaty dancing bodies.

“yea! they’re here a lot” he yells back “its right over there” he points to a flight of stairs where yet another bouncer is standing in front of.

“hey minho” the bouncer greats him with a fist bump “these girls are with you?” he points at lia and you.

“yea” he nods.

“trying something new, I see” he laughs atw hich you frown.

“oh, nono” minho chuckles uncomfortably “I’m still with jisung”

“ah-alright well, have fun” the bouncer moves after looking you all up and down, letting you walk up the stairs.

“wow, you’re famous” lia giggles at which minho huffs and shakes his head amusedly “yea, for being the only non-straight person they know”

“baby” you see jisung jump up from his seat in the spacious lounge as soon as you enter.

“hii” minho holds out his arms for him to run into, you cant stop yourself from smiling when you see jisung jump into his boyfriends arms.

“lia, y/n come over here” chris waves at the two of you.

“you were so good, baby” you hear minho praise jisung behind you as you walk over to the large round sitting booth where chan and changbin are sitting.

Lia slides into the booth and cuddles into chans side “you were awesome” she squeals as you sit down on the other end and grab a fresh glass from the middle of the round table, holding it next to changbins where he’s pouring cherry vodka into.

“can i get some?” you ask, he glances at you and smirks before silently filling your glass with a  double shots worth of the slightly rosy liquid.

“so, how did you like it?” he asks as he leans back, taking a swing of his drink.

“you guys were really good” you nod “to be honest I didn’t expect such high quality music”

He laughs, leaning his head back a little, his adams apple bopping with it.

You cant help but notice the sheer sheen of sweat that expands over his thick neck, obviously coming from their escapades on stage just now.

“what did you expect? a bunch of drunks playing wonderwall on the guitar for more drunks?” he grins, straight white teeth on display.

“hey, don’t come for wonderwall” you raise your hand jokingly at which he laughs.

“I wouldn’t dare” he raises his hands comically.

“hey” you whip your head around to see jisung and minho “scoot, please” jisung speaks again.

“oh-yea” you grab your drink and scoot further into the half circle-shaped booth.

“so what do you study?” changbin asks, his voice catches you off guard because you hadn’t calculated how close you’re sitting to him.

You turn to him to realise you’re close enough to smell his perfume and aftershave.

“uh- I- art” you answer shakily before taking a sip of your drink just to pull a face afterwards.

“jesus christ” you cough a little and hold your chest as changbin laughs.

“its stronger than you’d think” he grins “can you handle it?” he teases when your eyes get a little watery.

You stare at him for a second before playfully rolling your eyes “im good” 

His eyes trace over your face as you look around before he breaks the silence ”i can get you something else if you want” he offers.

“oh-uh no, I’m just being dramatic its fine” you chuckle.

“so...what do you study?” you change the topic.

“I’m majoring in music” he says, stretching out his arms over the backrest “all three of us are”

“oh, so you like, produce all your own stuff?” you ask, your eyes jumping to where his forearm touches your shoulder, that’s leaning against the backrest.

“yea, channie hyung composes the most, me and ji write a lot” he explains,

“thats really cool” you nod, looking over to the mentioned guy.

Changbin follows your eyes and huffs when the both of you see him and your roommate sucking face again.

After a few seconds they stop and giggle before standing up to go somewhere.

“where are they going?” you huff.

“I guess they want some alone time” he chuckles, lifting the arm close to you to take off the cap he’s still wearing.

You flinch when his forearm brushes your shoulder.

“are you scared of me?” he asks slowly, stopping his movements, cap still in hand.

“no- no” you shake your head, chuckling “I- its just been a while since I’ve gone out and I don’t know” you shrug “I feel a little lost”

“hm” changbin cocks his brow at your words, running one hand through his dark brown locks.

You divert your eyes from his bulging bicep back to his face quickly when he speaks again.

“any reason why?” he leans back again.

“oh, just a shitty ex and a shitty breakup” you shrug “I’m gonna spare you the details”

“aw, no please, tell me he had a small dick and everything, now im invested” he jokes.

You tsk at him and push his arm playfully, feigning annoyance.

“that still doesn’t answer my question as to why you jumped like that when my arm touched you” changbin raises his brows expectantly.

You open your mouth to speak but-

“we’ll go get some more to drink” minho interrupts you at which changbin nods.

“so?” he asks again, once minho and jisung leave.

“did that ex hit you? give me his address I’ll beat him up for you” changbin deadpans.

“no” you shake your head after taking another sip “he didn’t” you huff incredulously.

“its just- you look kinda scary” you blurt out finally.

His eyes widen before he falls into a boyish laughter, which you cant help but join.

“me?” he points at himself before laughing again, the image you had made up in your mind about him cracking.

“yea!” you raise your brows “when you look like this” you furrow your brows and lightly squint your eyes to mimic his resting bitch face.

“what the-” he splutters laughingly.

“stoop, don’t laugh” you hold onto his forearm, still giggling yourself.

He calms himself, subconsciously scooting closer to you in the now empty booth.

“maybe scary wasn’t the right word” you snicker, looking down.

“I think the word you were looking for was: sexy, hot or mysterious, maybe handsome-” he quips, grinning to himself when you start laughing again.

“no, no, I know what I meant” you joke back, just now noticing how close he is, his knee touching yours as his whole torso is turned to you.

“so none of my suggestions are accurate?” he cheekily raises one brow at which you scoff playfully.

“maybe one or two” you see his eyes jump to your lips.

The air suddenly feels thick around you with tension, changbins tongue darting out to wet his plump bottom lip while his eyes are still locked on yours.

You breathe in before the two of you lock eyes again "so…are you gonna kiss me, or just stare?"

He raises his brows at your sudden boost of confidence, grinning amusedly.

"what happened to me being scary?" he counters before urging you to swing one leg over his thighs with gentle hands.

You take a seat on his lap, straddling his thick thighs before looping your arms around his neck "i dont know, i think i'm into it" you quip.

His hands wander up your waist "well then i wont make you wait any longer" he grins, looking at your lips one last time before closing the gap inbetween you two.

You meet him in the middle, changbins grip on your waist tightens when his plush lips land on yours.

He pulls you closer to him, pushing his tongue past the seam of your lips.

You can taste the cherry vodka on his tongue but it riles you up even more, sucking at the wet muscle before his hands wander over the swell of your ass and each grab a handful of the flesh; your short skirt riding up when you subconsciously grind against his lap.

“be careful” he mumbles against your lips, gently tugging down the piece of fabric so you don’t expose yourself to bywalkers.

“where’s the fun in that?” you cock your head to the side teasingly.

Changbin scoffs and leans in again but you get interrupted by jisung.

“hey, we-oh” you whip your head around.

Jisungs frown turns into a grin “uh” he chuckles “we dont mean to interrupt but chan hyung texted minho and they’re going to your place” he points at you.

“ugh, seriously?” you mutter.

“I’m sleeping at minhos so, hyung you’ll have our place to yourself” he winks at changbin.

“so, we’re out too, have fun you guys” minho waves teasingly as jisung drags him away.

For a second you stare after them, until a gentle squeeze at your waist makes you turn around again.

“you could come over to my place if you don’t want to go to yours right now” he offers, eyes flickering to your lips when you bite at your lower one.

-

This is usually like not you, letting some guy you barely know take you home.

But here you are the next morning, looking up at the ceiling, changbins room flooded with daylight.

You sit up and look at the still unconscious changbin next to you. His blanket had fallen down and exposes his toned torso, barely covering his private parts.

A tingle forms in your lower abdomen when you think of what happened here a few hours ago.

But you pull yourself together and start looking around for your clothes.

You spot your bra on his desk and your skirt and shoes on the floor, gently shimmying out from underneath the blanket; you grab your skirt and slide it on without your panties, not being able to find them anywhere.

Right as you clasp your bra behind your back, changbins morning voice makes you flinch “you would’ve just snuck out?” he grumbles, rubbing his eyes as you look back at him.

“what? did you take me for a breakfast lover?” you quip as you slide into your shoes, looking around for your shirt.

“damn, that’s cold” he chuckles lowly, sitting up and watching you stride around his room.

“where did you put my shirt?” you ask, bending down to look under his desk.

“maybe you should worry about your panties first” he snickers, eyes glued to your core when you look back at him.

You kiss your teeth and straighten up quickly, having forgotten about your lack of underwear.

“not that that wasn’t a great view just now-“

“you’re not helping” you interrupt him, eyes lighting up when you spot your shirt in the hallway.

“why so serious all over sudden?” he grins “last night you were everything but tense”

You scoff as you pull your shirt over your head and stuff it into your skirt before grabbing your purse and phone.

“I have an exam in 2 days and I haven’t studied yet” you exhale.

“I could drive you home-“ he runs a hand through his messy hair.

“I’ll call a cab, uhm- thanks for last night” you hurriedly smile before walking out.

“bye” changbin calls after you, frowning and dropping back down onto his bed when he hears the door shut behind you “have a nice day I guess” he mumbles to himself.

 October

You cling your jacket closer to your body as you walk through the howling wind the seasonal change had brought with it.

When you arrive at lias faculty building you take out your phone to see if she texted you about when her lecture would be over.

lia : hey babe, chris took me to his place -received at 4:17 pm

You roll your eyes, typical you think.

you : are you serious? you begged me to walk home with you -sent at 4:25 pm

You see her the little blue bubble pop up, indicating that she’s writing a message.

lia : im sorry!! please don’t be mad, he surprised me :((( -received at 4:25 pm

You scoff and turn off your phone before slipping it in your coats pocket alongside your hands. Typical, you think, ever since that night at the club the two of them have become inseparable and lia cancelling on you had become a regular thing. You are happy for her but you also miss your friend.

“y/n?” a familiar voice calls after you right as you start to walk away, you freeze and turn around.

“yea?- oh” you swallow harshly when you see changbin walk your way.

“hey” he smiles brightly and you have to bite back a grin at the cute beanie he’s sporting alongside his slightly red nose due to the cold weather.

“hi” you smile timidly.

“you never texted” he tilts his head at which you nod.

“yea, sorry I actually never got your number” you look at the ground “uh- what are you doing here?”

“oh um im on my way to the studio” he points at a nearby building “that’s the music faculty”

“ah okay, well” you lock eyes “have fun then” you turn around again, ready to walk away.

“hey” he catches up with you “you wanna join me? check out some of our new stuff?” he burries his hands in the front pockets of his jeans.

“I don’t know, changbin I really don’t want to date right now-“ you start at which he chuckles.

“I didn’t ask you to marry me” he stops in his tracks, grinning when you do as well, locking eyes “come on, I just need an unbiased opinion on some new tracks” he tilts his head.

You inhale before looking around you “I could drive you home after? So you don’t have to walk through this weather?” he offers, raising his brows at which you purse your lips.

“alright” you give in, changbin smiles and extends his elbow for you to hold.

You simper and coyly hook your hand around his arm as the two of you start walking.

-

“this is awesome!” you point to his laptop a minute after he played the first song for you.

Changbin grins bashfully and leans back into his desk chair “you think?”

“yea, the hook is super catchy” you bob your head as his eyes fix on your profile “you’re really talented, changbin” you catch him blushing before putting on another song.

After a few other songs, he takes off his headphones when you take off yours.

“can I ask you something?” he asks, you glance at him.

“you just did” you quip at which he huffs, “sure” you nod.

“how much of that night do you remember?” he fiddles with one of the rings on his left hand.

“why?” you ask back.

“well, you seemed really upset the next morning so I got kind of scared that you didn’t actually want it and I kind of took advantage of you” he recalls the night the two of you spent together.

“oh, no. you didn’t take advantage of me, I wasn’t even  drunk and I would’ve told you if I had changed my mind or something. That was just the first time I ever spent the night at a guys house for a one night stand” you absently pick off some fuzzies from your jeans.

“plus I had just come out of a relationship so I was a little too emotional anyways” you chuckle.

“alright” changbin nods “just wanted to make sure” he smiles down at his hands “cause I remember all of it”

You whip your head, scoffing when you see him with a shit eating grin on his face.

“hm” you feign ignorance as you lean back “I don’t know, there wasn’t a lot to remember” you grin mischievously.

He laughs out loud, leaning forwards “no?”

You shake your head, pursing your lips comically “nah”

“cause I remember you shaking and screaming” he grins.

You shrug your shoulders “weird, must’ve faked it” you deadpan, fiddling with the headphones you’re still holding.

Changbins tongue prods on the inside of his cheek, huffing when he catches you grinning.

“right” he grins slumping into his seat a little further.

A thought flashes in your head when your gaze drops to his crotch and thick thighs, you swallow some spit in frustration as you feel your core getting hotter.

He was right, the night was amazing, maybe that was even part of the reason you stormed out the way you did.

You clench your thighs for some relief, anything really.

“want me to refresh your memory?” your eyes jump up to meet his, you open your mouth but nothing comes out; do you want him to?

Yes. Yes you do.

So, you get up and straddle him on his chair: his hands instantly gripping at your hips, pulling you closer.

“someones eager” he grins, pushing some of your hair behind your ear.

“shut up” you whisper before crashing your lips onto his.

Changbin groans when you tug at his hair, inviting you to slip your tongue in between his lips and grind your hips over his crotch.

He hisses before propping himself up on one armrest and holding your lower back with the other as he stands up; you squeal but he holds you before sitting you back down on the desk, next to his laptop.

“now who’s eager” you grin when his hands find the waistband of your leggings and tug them down with your panties in one.

He huffs as he bunches your leggings and panties around your ankles before slipping underneath the fabric barrier and inbetween your legs.

“by the looks of it..” he runs a finger through your wet folds “still you” he quips before pushing one finger in without warning.

You moan, you head dropping back onto the hard wooden surface.

“look at me” changbin orders as a second finger prods at your entrance, you whimper but prop yourself up on your elbows.

He curls the two fingers and pumps them almost violently, the palm of his hand smacking your clit with every pump.

“oh god-“ you yelp, your eyes scrunching together as your hips buck up.

“its changbin but god is fine too” he quips as he lowers his head, you curse at him, even though you have to laugh a little.

“you’re so annoy-ah!” you cry out because suddenly his tongue is lapping over your swollen clit, sucking on it forcefully when you claw one hand into his already messed up dark locks.

“fuck-bin- gonna cum” your hips stutter and you feel the pleasure that’s blooming in your tummy is getting ready to snap.

“mmh” he humms against you “cum then, baby” he moans, knowing full well what the added vibrations are doing to your body when your chest arches and your mouth drops open.

Your cries fill the studio as you clamp down on his fingers; he rides your through your high, holding down your hips with his unoccupied hand because you squirm with the euphoria that’s filling your veins.

“good girl” he mumbles, removing his fingers from you before bringing them up to your lips “now, suck them clean for me, yea?” he grins, lips and chin shiny with your cum.

-

“finally” you huff when arriving at 3rachas lounge in a club out of town; where they had just performed “this club is huge” you breathe, jisung scooting and changbin letting you squeeze past him to take a seat in between them as they chuckle.

Lia and chan already lost in their own world again as she drags him to the dancefloor, squealing when chan teasingly squeezes her sides as they disappear into the crowd.

“they are made for each other” minho sighs, sitting down and giving jisung the second beer from his hands.

“I know right” you lean back, breathing in.

“you’re still out of breath?” changbin laughs at you at which you hit his arm.

“stop it, oh my god” you feign annoyance “you know how exhausting it is to dodge beer bottles and not loose lia? she’s like a Chihuahua, I swear, you loose her once and its over” you chuckle, jisung and minho laughing too.

“you just don’t have any endurance, woman” changbin grins teasingly.

“that’s so not true” you laugh incredulously “what about two nights ago-“

“AH-“ jisung interrupts you, placing his hands over his ears “please spare us your sex stories, I hear enough of that when you’re over, babe”

You huff and changbins cheeks turn red.

“you guys are fucking?” minho asks, eyebrows raised as he takes a swing of his beer.

“good job keeping up, baby” jisung pats his boyfriends thigh teasingly at which he tsks at him.

“are you together or what?” minho props his elbow on the table to support his chin with his hand as he looks at the two of you expectantly.

“no, we’re not” you chuckle somewhat uncomfortably before looking over at changbin who just grins awkwardly.

“just here to be a good friend and keep the groupies away” you joke “right?” you nudge changbin with your elbow at which he nods swiftly, looking down again.

“yea, baby don’t be so old fashioned” jisung teases his boyfriend who just rolls his eyes playfully.

“speaking of groupies” minho mutters, spotting a group of girls just before they approach the lounge.

“hey jisungie, you wanna dance?” a pretty blonde girl bats her eyelashes as she leans down a bit to expose more of her cleavage, making jisung grin.

“baby, you’re gorgeous but I’m very gay” he nods apologetically, “Oh” she straightens up “really? You sure?”

You and changbin have to bite back a laugh when jisung nods again “very sure, thanks though, for coming”

She shrugs and looks at changbin “what about you? Wanna dance?”

“uh-“ changbin starts but you cut him off “he’s with me actually” you tilt your head.

“for real?” she stems her hands into her hips as she looks back at her posse, scoffing.

“yea” changbin loops his strong arm around your waist and pulls you closer to him “that’s my girl, so a little respect, please”

“aww” you coo dramatically as you play along, putting your hand on his jaw to turn his head towards you before you lock lips.

“whatever” you faintly hear the girls voice get quieter when changbin slips his tongue in between your lips.

“they’re gone” you hear minho but changbin pulls your legs to dangle over one of his thighs as he grips your waist.

“guys” jisungs voice only registers in the back of your head when changbin sucks at your bottom lip and you run your fingers through the hair on the back of his head.

“can I get you some more beers?” the waitresses voice pulls the both of you out of your trance as you break the kiss abruptly.

Jisung laughs, shaking his head at the both of you before turning to the waitress “we’ll take a round of shots I think”

  November

 “fuck-harder” you gasp “..mhh binnie-shit” you moan while changbin pounds into you from behind, gripping your hip tighter with one of his hands; the other one migrating up your back to gather the legth of your hair, twisting them before he pulls at their root.

You groan when you feel your hair getting pulled back, neck stretching as he picks up his pace.

“like this? fuck you love this don’t you?” he breaths ragged, but you can hear the dirty smirk that lingers on his lips every time you have rough sex..

You moan out loudly when he releases your hair and pushes your torso down onto the mattress, your hand pulling at the sheets , needing something to grip and release the pleasure.

“fuck- answer me, slut” he grunts and delivers a harsh slap to your ass.

You cry out “yes-yes-fuck-love it” you desperately gasp as he leans down to you, earning a low chuckle which sends shivers down your back.

His lips latch onto your shoulder blade and start sucking on the skin until a purple mark blooms under his lips.

“fuck” you let out a strangled yell when the hand on your hip makes its way to your front and he started circling your clit with his fingers, the pace and firmness matching his thrusts.

You cry out for him as you clench furiously around his cock “that’s a good girl” he whispers, only letting go of your clit when you flinch in overstimulation.

“cum for me- fuck baby, cum for me and let the others know who’s fucking you this good” he rasps in your ear. Not 5 seconds later, your orgasm ripples through you and you would’ve collapsed completely if he wasn’t holding you up.

You’re still panting when both of his hands go back on your hips and push them down, laying you flat on the mattress before he picks up his pace again with his last left strength to reach his own high.

“shit- y/n“ he grunts when you tighten around him again and you feel him filling the condom with some drawn out groans and a sharp hiss.

After a few seconds of nothing but heavy breathing filling the room, he pulls out and falls next to you on his bed.

You wince at the soreness that’s already presenting itself when you turn around on your back, looking over to him; you watch as he ties a knot in the condom and throws it into the trash next to his desk.

“kobe!” he exclaims gleefully at his perfect throw before looking back at you to see if you saw.

“jesus christ why am I sleeping with you” you hold your hands over your face, hating the fact that it made you laugh.

He gasps, feigning to be offended “that’s not how you speak to the guy that just made you cum three times”

“you are so full of yourself, seo changbin” you shake your head amusedly as you sit up.

“wait, I’ll clean you up” changbin is quick to rise from his comfortable position to grab some tissues from his nightstand.

“come here” he mumbles, gently urging you to lie back down before carefully wiping your own cum off your inner thighs and mound.

You watch him as he gently moves to wipe the tissue over your puffy folds, your hips jumping a little when he accidentally passes your clit.

“sorry” he grins, pressing a kiss to your angled knee; at which you feel your heart lurch forward a bit.

Woah, wait.

You’ve been seeing changbin just for sex for almost two months now, you’ve even gone with him other performances and after parties to keep groupies away and be his arm candy and never has your heart done this.

Mayday. Abort mission.

“should be good for now” changbin shrugs, shooting you a sweet smile before turning away from you to also get rid of the tissues.

You use the opportunity to shuffle to the side of his bed and slip on your panties before grabbing your bra.

“hey, you wanna leave already?” changbin asks “I thought we could hang” he tucks his hand under his head as you look back at him, clipping your bra closed “watch a movie or something”

“sorry, I promised lia I’d help her clean the apartment today” you lie, surprisingly quick, before pulling your hoodie over your head.

“so you’re just gonna fuck me and leave again?” he jokes dramatically “I don’t even get cuddles?”

“shut up” you chuckle.

“am I nothing more to you than a pretty piece of meat?” he continues as you slip into your jeans, rolling your eyes playfully.

“a toy you use when you need stress relief??” he holds his chest dramatically.

You step into your shoes and raise your brows at him.

“are you complaining?” you ask playfully.

“nahh” he pulls his covers over his abs as he watches you grab your jacket from his desk chair.

"At least give me a 'gopdbye, thanks for the bomb dick, kiss" He grins when you scoff at him. So, you lean over him and press a quick peck to his lips; he whines playfully when you lean back up again, sitting up and catching your lips with his roughly once more.

“alright, see ya” you shrug."

And shit, your heart does it again. What are you doing?

You break the kiss and ruffle through his hair.

“ugh” he huffs annoyedly, fixing his hair “I hope you have trouble walking” he quips as you go for the door.

“I’ll text you if I don’t” you wink at him before closing his door, leaning against it from the outside and closing your eyes.

“fuck” you whisper to yourself before making your way through the guys apartment.

“don’t break his heart, y/n” minhos voie comes from behind as you twist the doorknob.

“huh?” you trun around to look at him, he’s wearing a shirt that you know to be jisungs so he must be staying over.

“I’ve known changbin for a while, he seems tough but he’s a softie deep down” he crosses his arms over his chest “he hurts easier than you think”

“we- we’re both not in this for anything serious” you stammer “what do you mean?”

“I see the way he looks at you, y/n” minho smiles softly “I’m not telling you how to live your life, just, be honest with him… and yourself for that matter” he quirks one brow up, smiling before disappearing around the corner.

 -

 You squint your eyes as you’re trying to make out the label of the cereal boxes in the upper shelves, looking back at your phone you check to see what brand lia had texted you about so you don’t accidentally buy the wrong thing.

“fuck” you mumble when you see her desired cereal at the top of the shelf, so you reach up but to no avail.

“y/n?” you lower your heels to the floor again before turning around to see…

“hyunjin?” you face drops in awe.

“hey!” the tall young man smiles widely, opening his arms and inviting you to a hug.

“wow, hi” you hug him back.

Damn, what happened to him? The last time you saw him was before he moved away in 10th grade.

You used to be good friends with him, or, well, the freakishly skinny and lanky highschool version of him you met in dance class.

By the feel of it, even through the trenchcoat he’s wearing, you can tell he’s bulked up quite a bit.

After letting go of him, you cant help but stare.

His acne had cleared up and his brown hair is chin length with the top parts pulled back into a little pony tail, leaving some face framing strands in the front.

“wow- you look-“ you blink a few times to make sure you’re not dreaming “…really good, hyunjin”

He smiles on the ground, his pretty plump lips parting to reveal beautiful pearly whites which used to be covered by braces.

“so do you” he grins.

“no- I mean you look… good-good” you splutter, laughing awkwardly “like what are you a model now or something?”

“actually, yea- part time” he chuckles.

“oh” you huff  “wow of course” you shake your head laughingly, blushing furiously when he doesn’t break eye contact.

“so- uhm” you gulp, making him grin even wider “what are you doing here?”

“I’m transferring here” he nods “better dance programme” he explains shortly.

“oh you still dance” you observe out loud “I haven’t danced in a while” you look down.

“you should come by after practice sometime” he offers “to catch up- or dance if you want” he giggles, a little dimple appearing on his left cheek.

“yea, I’d love that” you smile, nodding before he takes out his phone.

“put in your number, I’ll text you” he smiles softly when holding it out to you.

“mhm” you agree, saving your number in his phone and trying not to think about him staring at you the whole time.

“alright well” he checks his phone for the time, you guess “I gotta get going, only came here for this” he chuckles, holding up a carton of milk that you, weirdly enough, haven’t noticed until now.

“alright” you nod before he moves in for a hug again.

“bye” he smiles when loosening his arms again.

“bye” you mumble, staring at the back of his perfect head as he walks away.

You were about to pull out your phone and rant to lia about what just happened, when he stops in his tracks and turns around.

“almost forgot” he grins, reaching up and getting your cereal from the top shelf; winking when he places it in your hands, your body freezing.

“bye” he grins, walking away before you could thank him.

-

 You had taken hyunjin up on his offer and met him in the dance studio after class where he showed you some of his contemporary pieces before you made your way to the popular coffee shop on campus together.

“-no seriously the second piece was my favourite I think, but they were all amazing!” you smile up at him at which he shakes his head cutely.

“can you stop complimenting me, y/n I’m getting all nervous” he laughs softly.

“oh please” you quip “with your talent and looks I would think nothing could make you nervous” you roll your eyes playfully.

Hyunjin huffs, opening the coffee shops door for you “you can” he says softly as you walk past him, you turn around to him to see him blush a litte but diverting his eyes to the big menu above the counter.

Did he just flirt with you? No, you must be tripping.

You look around to see only two other people sitting in one of the booths together, the cold must keep most people home, you think before hyunjin gently pulls at your sleeve to get your attention.

“what do you want?” he asks, the barista looking at you expectantly.

“uhm- a hot chocolate please” you say, reaching in your purse to get your wallet.

“I’ll take the same” hyunjin smiles politely, giving the barista money.

“on me” he smiles down at you.

“oh, thank you” you smile sheepishly, letting go of your purse again.

Once your hot chocolates are ready, you sit down in one of the booths, hyunjin sliding in to sit across from you.

“I was back home last week before I came here, you’ll never guess who I met” hyunjin grins.

“who?” you ask curiously.

“tim” he grins.

“tim?” your eyes almost pop out of your head “as in my first boyfriend tim?” you laugh, holding your hand to your face incredulously.

“but he moved away as well?” you half ask.

“yea he said he was visiting his grandparents, but guess the best part” hyunjin bites his lip

“what?” you chuckle.

“he got a nose job” hyunjin bites back a laugh when you gasp surprisedly “really?”

“one word” hyunjin says “botched…”

“aw no, poor tim” you frown, looking down at your hot drink as memories from back in the day come back to you.

“he always used to put his hand up my shirt when hugging” you frown, making hyunjin laugh.

“it was 9th grade y/n what did you expect?” you scoff at his rethorical question.

“I don’t know, some basic manners maybe?” you counter playfully…slowly letting the conversation die down as you both take sips from your cocoa.

“how come we never dated?” he asks softly after aminute of silence, looking up at you.

“we were friends?” you chuckle awkwardly.

“come on” hyunjin sits back in his booth “you must’ve known I had the biggest crush on you”

“you did?” you almost launch forwards in your seat, making hyunjin laugh.

“well, I guess you didn’t know then” he giggles, hiding his face in his hands embarrassedly.

“anyways, I would’ve paid good money to be able to slip my hand up your shirt” he jokes, cheeks reddening when you laugh.

“I honestly liked you a lot back then” you say “if you would’ve said something we might’ve actually gone out” you shrug gently.

“damn, way to rub that in my face” hyunjin grins.

You hold his eye contact for a few seconds before you feel your blood rushing to your cheeks again, quickly lifting up your mug to take a sip and partly cover your face.

When you put your mug back down, hyunjin grins widely, mumbling a “cute” before slowly bringing his hand to your chin and gently swiping his thumb over your top lip where a foam mustache had formed.

You gulp when he swiftly sucks the foam off his thumb, your eyes darting from his eyes to his lips.

When he notices, he leans over, slowly as if scared to overwhelm you.

That’s when minhos words pop up in the back of your head.

“be honest with him, and yourself for that matter”

But you aren’t together, and hyunjin is great and you want to kiss him but you know it would be wrong.

However, before you know it his lips are on yours and you’re not doing anything to stop him.

They are soft and inviting and you let him swipe his tongue over the seam of your lips, but then the little doorbell rings and you hear lias voice, followed by a male one before they abruptly stop, making you pull away abruptly.

Oh.

There they are, lia, chan, jisung and changbin; looking at you.

“y/n” lia grins widely, approaching your table “aren’t you gonna introduce us?” she squeals, hyunjin clears his throat and sits back down.

The three guys hesitantly follow lia when-

“woah- hyunjin?” chan speaks up.

“chan-hyung?” hyunjin gets up from his place to receive a hug from the older one as your eyes divert to changbin who is looking at the ground.

You aren’t together. Then why do you feel so guilty and why does he look so disappointed.

“he’s cute, girl” jisung grinningly interrupts your daydreaming, nodding towards chan and hyunjin who are still talking.

You force out a smile.

“how do you two know each other?” lia asks curiously.

“he went to my highschool, the last few years” chan grins.

“what a coincidence” you mumble, almost ironically.

“I went to highschool with y/n too, the first couple years though, then I moved away” hyunjin explains “oh, im sorry, I’m hyunjin by the way” he turns to jisung and changbin.

“I’m jisung, this is changbin” jisung smiles, pointing at his grumpy friend.

“I’m lia” lia grins “his girlfriend and her best friend” she points at chan before snuggling up to you, giggling.

Jesus, woman where do you get the energy? Is what you want to ask but you just flash another forced smile, hoping this moment will pass quickly.

“where were you guys?” you change the topic, hoping changbin would maybe look at you if you spoke up.

“oh, I caught them all huddled up in the studio” lia grins “they probably haven’t been outside in a week again” she giggles.

“true” jisung quips.

“hey lets all sit down” hyunjin suggests.

“I’ll get a coffee” changbin mumbles, walking back to the counter.

You usher lia to make way for you to get out of the booth, following him.

“bin” you stand next to him as he looks up at the menu but he ignores you.

“you could at least acknowledge my presence, your highness” you quip annoyedly.

“what do you want me to say, y/n?” he mutters.

“I didn’t know this would happen with him or I would’ve told you” you say, looking back at the other four talking and laughing in the booth.

“we’re not together y/n, you’ve made that very clear; if you wanna kiss lord farquaad go ahead, I’m not stopping you” he looks over to the booth as well.

“jesus christ” you huff “why are you so defensive then?”

“hi” changbin greets the barista who just came from the back “I’ll have an iced coffee to go, please” he orders.

“the world doesn’t revolve around you y/n, maybe I’m having a bad day” he answers when the barista makes his way to the coffee machines, you feel a lump from in your throat.

“yea, well thanks for making mine bad as well” you turn on your heels to join the others, hyunjin sees you coming back and scooches to make some space for you next to him.

You smile and thank him quietly when he also gives you your mug.

“everything alright?” he asks quietly, as to not disturb the others conversation.

“yea, just had to ask him some stuff” you smile at which he smiles back, turning back to the others.

After a minute changbin approaches the booth with his iced coffee “hey, I’ll run back to the studio I gotta finish that track”

“ugh, changbin I just dragged you out of there, stay for a second” lia protests and jisung nods along.

“nah, gotta get it done tonight” he shakes his head.

“alight see you later” chan nods.

“nice to meet you, man” hyunjin says, nodding at him as well.

“yea” changbin answers tight-lipped before walking out.

 December

”I’m sorry, hyunjin” you frown “I’m just not ready for a relationship after what happened with my ex-“

“its alright y/n” his large hand encases yours “you don’t have to explain yourself to me”

You sigh in relief “I’m sorry I tried to rush things, it just, seemed to good to be true to find you here and everything” he says.

“but I’ll wait for you, if that’s what you want” he looks up at you.

“oh, jinnie you shouldn’t have to do that” you shake your head “I’m sure there are great girls out there who are emotionally ready to be with you”

“yea, but you’re the girl I want to be with” he says softly and your heart shatters into pieces because you’re not sure he’s the guy you want to be with.

-

You fight yourself through the crowd at 3rachas last performance of the year, at the same venue where you met them for the first time. Just like the time before, chan makes sure lia, hyunjin, minho and you are able to come backstage.

“I’m excited to see you perform, man” hyunjin grins at chan, patting his shoulder “your stuff was already dope back then…” they continue speaking as you enter their dressing room.

Jisung greets his boyfriend as you and lia sit down on the leather couch.

Changbin is standing in front of the mirror, fixing his hair before his eyes lock with yours through the mirror, but he just diverts them to chan who’s grabbing a beer for hyunjin and himself, you guess.

“did you have to invite him?” changbin semi-whispers to the older one, nodding at hyunjin, chan just frowns confusedly,making changbin shake his head and walk out.

You look at hyunjin who is talking to minho and jisung, and doesn’t seem to have heard changbin. So, you get up to follow him out but lia holds your wrist “y/n you cant keep running after him” she hisses.

“he cant keep treating me like im invisible, I just want to clear the air” you free your arm and walk out to see changbin almost at the end of the corridor, walking out of a heavy door which, you think leads outside.

After reaching the door you open it to find him outside, leaning against the brick wall of the building, looking down at his phone.

The cold air hits your skin and you shiver, only wearing a top and some jeans since its warm in the club.

Changbin notices you and looks up “what do you want, y/n?” he asks.

“that was real classy back there” you comment, holding your arms to your body to preserve some warmth. Changbin huffs, unfazed as he looks back at his phone “whatever, y/n”

“no, not whatever bin” you step closer to him “he asked me to date him” his head shoots up and you lock eyes, for a second they are soft in the way they look into yours but something changes and they turn mean when he speaks again.

“so? that’s a you proplem” he shrugs.

“its not a problem at all, he’s sweet and loving and cares about me but for some reason im standing here, hoping that you’ll give me a reason to not be with him” you feel your throat closing up with anger mixed with confusion when he starts chuckling.

“you’re not serious are you?” he squints and your heart drops, tears pooling at your lashline.

“of course not, I couldn’t expect someone as stubborn and- and comunicationally incompetent like you to understand anything about feelings” you turn on your heels when a teardrop rolls down your cheek.

A hand wraps itself around your wrist, making you turn back “I’ve wanted to be with you since that moment in the club where you kissed me infront of all these girls. It was always you who was stubborn y/n, you never wanted to spend anymore time with me other than fucking” he snaps at you, taking a breather to start another sentence but you cut him off.

“-then why didn’t you say anything?” you ask quietly and he looks down.

“because- fuck” he lets go of your wrist “I didn’t want to scare you away, you in my bed was better than no you at all. But then fucking prince charming appears out of no where and sweeps you off your feet-”

“but I don’t want prince charming I want you” you blurt out, tears now streaming down your face, making him take a step back as his eyes soften.

“then why didn’t you say anything?” a small smile tugs at his lips as he closes the distance between you, gently running his hands up your arms, feeling the goosebumps brought on by the cold.

You huff, looking down and watching one of your teardrops melting a tiny hole into the snow before looking back up “because I’m stubborn and comunicationally incompetent” you sniffle “and stupid apparently” 

A grin spreads over changbins face as his hands cradle your cheeks, wiping your tears away with his thumbs “so, you wanna be stubborn and stupid together?” he whispers, locking eyes with you.

You press your lips together, trying to keep yourself from sobbing even more as you nod.

He chuckles softly ”you can stop crying now, baby” at which you nod beathing in shakily but smiling when he pushes some hair out of your face.

“can you kiss me now please” you sniffle whiningly, huffing in a laugh when he pulls a face.

“i dont know babe, you’re a little snotty right now-” he jokes.

“shut up” you hit him, chuckling when he pulls you even closer by your waist and gently connects his lips with yours.

A soft wind blows through your hair and you loop your arms around his neck even tighter, deepening the kiss at which he moans, holding your waist tighter to his body.

The door creaks open and “are you guys finally together?” minhos voice makes you break the kiss.

“yea” you grin when jisung comes out after his boyfriend.

“nice” he grins, nodding at you.

“yea yea nice, beautiful love whatever, hyung we’re up, lets go” jisung rambles, laughing and running back inside when changbin pretends to hit him, minho shaking his head and following him.

“you’ll watch me yea?” your boyfriend grins at you, taking your hand and planting a kiss on the back of it.

“from the front row, baby”

-

a/n: omg im finally done wth this took me so long yall, i started writing this sin september (which is why the fic starts in september as well lol) sorry about the winterly feelings i’m pushing onto you in the end but last week it literally snowed where i live so i was like uh?!?!?!? okay lets write some snowy shit, global warming ftw i guess....anyways i hope u liked it pls leave some feedback and/or ur favourite part ig lol i would appreciate it alot <33 (not proofred yet oopsie)

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taglist: @kpopscape​ @oopsie-whats-this​ @zhaqifa​ @synnocence​ @changlix-mp4​ + some besties who always inspire me wether they know it or not😭 @bangtantaegi @hanflix @bruh-changbin @hyunyin @yyxgin @hyunsluvv @unstableskzstan @violethhj @missskzbiased @cartierbin @dom--minnie

[urbfsecretgf]

omg love this fic alr pls keep updating <3

thank y'all for giving me the motivation to write more. here you go :) Pt 4 of: The Boy Next Door

a/n: i didnt think i was gonna continue doing this series but i do appreciate all the people who enjoy it. thank you <3 also idk how well i corrected my spelling errors so my apologies for that.

(everything is made up, arguing, dirty minded things)

________________________________________________________

it was a cold Monday morning and you and jack are standing outside waiting for the bus to arrive at your house.

"its 6:50 the bus should be here already" jack groans

"i know im freezing my ass off its so cold out" you say as you are shivering

the bus finally pulls up to your drive way after what feels like an eternity. you've been at school your new school for about a week now, you know where all your classes were and where your locker was and all of that stuff.

when you get to school the first thing you do is head to your locker and put everything in your locker.

*BZZ*

*New Message From Vinnie <3: y/n where are you???*

you look at it and ignore it. vinnie and you got into a big argument last night and youre still not happy with him.

while putting books in your locker you hear someone start yelling your name

"y/n! has anyone seen y/n? y/n!!"

its vinnie.

"oh gosh" you sigh

"does anyone know where y/n is bro please tell me someone knows"

someone points to where you are, and you try and walk away and pretend not to notice him.

"Y/N!! IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU LITERALLY EVERYWHERE!!! OMG!" he says sounding excited that hes found you.

"haha yeah oops. i gotta go uh bye"

you dont really wanna be around him rn. he upset you pretty badly last night

*FLASHBACK TO LAST NIGHT*

"vinnie you do this literally EVERYTIME!! STOP!"

"no you act like it was bad that i was late i said sorry so its your fault we are arguing right now."

"vinnie i told you if we were late we would miss it. youve been late the past, hmmm, 3 dates? uh yeah i have every right to be upset with you. out of the 5 or so dates you've been on time or early to only 2 and one of those we didnt even get to go to because of the storm. i dont know whats gotten into you recently vinnie but i dont like it so you need to change that or something is going to happen and neither of us are going to like it"

"y/n youre literally overreacting about this. im sorry i was late weve been over this 100 times bro and its just a date we can go on more some other time"

"vinnie you dont understand. those dates mean the world to me. i love going on them with you. i love seeing you all dressed up and coming over so we can go out to a movie or whatever it is we are going to do. they arent 'just dates' to me"

"whatever y/n. this is so stupid. youre freaking out over nothing. ill talk to you later or something idfk"

*END OF FLASHBACK*

"y/n?"

"sorry vin i really gotta go"

"but the bell hasnt even rung yet we still have 8 minutes till class start wym?"

"yep i know bye"

vinnie grabs your arm and gives you a serious look. he knows you hate when he does this look because it makes you feel guilty and like you did something wrong.

"y/n? why are you avoiding me? you didnt answer my texts, you didnt say good morning to me, you hid from me when i was looking for you this morning, whats going on? did something happen? did I do something wrong?"

"vinnie im fine, okay? just leave me alone please."

"im sorry y/n. im sorry about last night and everything i said. i didnt mean it and i dont mean to be late im doing something at home which runs late sometimes and thats why im late. i also dont think to tell you im going to be late either, and im sorry. i really am"

what vinnie says to you makes you tear up a little. you look at him and walk away without saying anything.

"y/n wait! stop y/n come back please"

you love vinnie a lot but he takes it too far sometimes and last night was one of those times. you dont want anything to do with him right now.

________

the bell rings dismissing you for lunch.

"finally" you thought. you were starving.

you go to your locker and grab your lunch. as you were grabbing your lunch box you hear someone crying on the couch in the lounge area.

"i dont know what i did wrong bro. shes been avoiding me all day, she hasnt answered any of my texts ive sent her, and when i apologized to her this morning she walked away. i dont want to loose her bro, it would crush me."

being the curious george you are, you walk over to see who it is, and to your surprise its vinnie, crying, at school, and his friends shoulder.

you decide to walk over to there and you hear his friend austin comforting him

"its okay vinnie, i understand how youre feeling and its normal man. you like her a lot"

"like her a lot??? i dont just like her, im literally in love with her bro."

"vinnie?"

you startled him. he didnt see you there or even notice you were there. he wipes his tears from his face on his sleeve and clears his throat.

"oh hey y/n" he says while still sniffing up his runny nose trying to hide that he was crying

"were you crying?"

"what me? no ofc not"

"i heard you crying vin"

at this point all of his friends left the lounge and let you two be

"nah i wasnt haha"

you knew he was but you decided to let it be.

________

at the end of 4th hour, vinnies friend austin comes over to your locker and tells you what happened

"so he was crying?" you ask

"yeah it was bad, ive never seen him like that before"

"what was it about?"

"did you not hear him?"

"i mean i did kinda but not really"

he looks at you like you're crazy

"y/n he was crying about you. like he literally broke down while sitting on the couch with me and the boys."

hes never cried in front of you before so hearing that he cried in front of other people makes you feel weird. almost a jealous feeling which is weird but you dont really know how to feel.

you brush it off and decide you'll just text him and ask about it later.

________

its now the end of 6th hour, only one more class to go. while walking out of gym class someone runs up to you

"hey, y/n right?"

"um yeah? do i know you?"

it was a guy youve seen around school a few times today. you only have gym class with him but he seems to be pretty well known since everytime youve seen him hes had a big crowd of people around him.

"oh im sorry, im trevor, you can call me trev tho, thats what everyone calls me."

its kinda weird to have a guy come up to you at school. at your old school no one talked to you.

"haha its nice to meet you trev"

"yeah same to you, uh what are you doing tomorrow night?"

"theres no way he flirting with me, i have a boyfriend, everyone knows that right?" you thought to yourself

"oh um probably just homework and studying, why?"

"just wondering, do you need any help with any homework at all?"

"no i dont think so haha."

"alright well if you need any help heres my number."

trevor grabs your hand and writes his number on your hand.

"oh im sorry i-"

*BZZ*

your phone goes off. its a text from vinnie

*New Message From Vinnie <3: meet me by the locker room lovely ;)*

*BZZ*

*New Message From Vinnie <3: Image Recived*

you stare at your phone for a minute, in shock. hes never sent you something like that especially at school.

"y/n? are you okay?" trevor asked seeming a little worried

"HUH? OH YEAH IM GOOD!"

"yeah you seem good now wow."

you decide not to keep vinnie waiting any longer so you decide to end the conversation with trev and go to the locker room "hahahaha yeah okay well i gotta go!"

"alright talk tomorrow?"

"uh maybe" you say as your run off towards the locker room "bye trev'

you get to the locker room and theres vinnie, standing there looking good just like usual

"hey y/n"

"hey vinnie whats this all about?"

"bro im so like... yk.. rn"

"we are at school vin.."

"not even quick?"

not even thinking about it you walk to the family restroom. (and ill let you imagine the rest ;))

________

its the end of the day and the bell rings to dismiss you. trevor stops by your locker and starts a conversation with you.

"hey y/n"

"oh hi trev"

vinnie sees someone at your locker and decides to walk over

"how was your day?"

"it was alri-"

"hey y/n" vinnie interupts, "trevor?"

"vinnie? what are you doing here?'

you can already tell this isnt going to end well so you decide to try and walk away.

vinnie gives trevor a dirty look, "no y/n stay here, dont leave, i wanna know what tf trevor is doing with my girl."

trevor gives the same dirty look he got from vinnie right back to him

"your girl? dont you have like 15 other ones? come on bro, i seen you flirting with bailey like yesterday. you clearly dont care about y/n"

"wait, vin is that true...?" you could never imagine vinnie doing that to you. never. not after what yall have been through, what yall have told eachother, everything.

he looks at you and he can see the sadness on your face, he holds your cheek, "no y/n i love you i would never do something like that to you i promise, go home and we talk about it later after i deal with trev okay?"

youre on the verge of breaking down, your voice is soft, but you manage to say okay.

________

as soon as you get home you run upstairs to your room and throw everything on the floor. you just wanna break down and start baling your eyes out.

you decide to text both trev and vinnie.

*To Trev: hey its y/n did you actually see vinnie flirting with bailey?*

*To Vinnie <3: you didnt actually flirt with bailey did you?*

you set your phone down and just wait. you wait for a response from both vin and trev, wanting answers. you dont wanna believe trevor but you dont know if you can believe vinnie either. youre not trusting either one until you hear both sides of the story in full detail.

*BZZ*

your phone goes off

*New Message from Trev: Yeah I did, yesterday during 2nd hour. They were holding hands, he was hugging her, and that's really all i saw. I'm sorry y/n. You deserve better.*

you burst into tears, how could he do something like that to you?

your little brother jack hears you crying from down the hall and he knocks at your door.

"y/n...? are you okay?

jack and you are really close. you tell eachother everything.

"idk jack."

"did something happen between you and vinnie?"

*BZZ*

"whos that?" jack asked

you look down and see its vinnie

*New Message from Vinnie <3: y/n idk what trevor told you but its not true. he does this all the time to the girls he wants to hookup with. even if it was true i promise you, he wouldnt want anything but your body. i love you more than i love myself y/n. ask austin. i sat on the couch in the lounge today crying about you bc i thought i was going to lose you all bc of the stupid fight we had last night. i love you so much y/n. trevors told me about how hes felt about you from the day you came to school. he told me about how he thinks your hot and about how he could 'steal you away' from me.*

*BZZ*

*New Message from Vinnie <3: y/n i remember our first everything. the first time we met, hung out, hugged, held hands, our first kiss together, first time meeting each others parents, everything y/n. youre the only girl i love. i promise. ill walk over to your house right now if you need me.*

jack was reading the messages from over your shoulder.

"what happened? also invite him over"

after telling jack what happened today you text vinnie and tell him to come over

"jeeze y/n. you got boys fallin harddddddddd" jack says trying to enlighten to mood.

you give him a dirty look and he says sorry.

vinnie knocks on your bedroom door and you go running to him.

"im sorry vinnie, im sorry i didnt believe you. i love you too. way more than you think. i get scared when other people mention you and another girl because as much as i trust you sometimes i feel like you will leave me for someone prettier."

"y/n look at me. i promise you, we are going to get trevor back. im going to do whatever it takes and i have a plan on how we are going to do it."

[hitoshisbabygirl]

Author's Notes ♡: Hey Hey, it’s me, ya girl and I’m back with another collab! Ive always loved the roommates theme and have a few ideas for some other ones in my head making this. It’s kinda all over the place because it was a professing with their friendship! Yes I made a Zelda reference and I land about it no. I know Rapp is seen as violent and dense but but this is in a collage au so he’s just a bit...aloof I just love the idea of him actually being a big softie ʕ⊙ᴥ⊙ʔ. I hope you enjoy! ~ bunny ❥

Warnings : NSFW!!! (◎_◎;)

Sweet caring sorta himbo(meh?) Rappa, female oral, Big Dick Rappa , sorta size kink if you really sqint,cheater ex mentioned like once , language

Word count : About 5k! Yikes ^^’

Paring(s) : Kendo Rappa x F! Reader

Enjoy ♡

———————————————————————

Having Kendo Rappa as a roommate is an interesting feat in itself. He is big, and loud , very very loud. He wasn't a bad roommate he just..was like a cute large and fluffy puppy that didn't know his size...or power. Their interactions started as the two met during a halloween party one of the frat houses down the street thew. [ ] went as Midna, her best friend Rumi was dressed as Impa while the last two of her friend group , Amaya and Asa, a pair of sisters, were dressed as fairies. “[ ]! Rumi! you two are so cute! Zelda costumes?” Asa asked as her sister ran up to admire their outfits. “Yeah! [ ] wanted to do some characters that matched us y'know?” She said as she nudged her quiet friend , the girl jumped and laughed , scratching her neck as she gave the excited sisters a small smile “If i was coming out tonight I was gonna wear what i wanted to really wear” [ ] said as the group of them laughed and mingled with their other friends and classmates. While heading to get juice , she heard loud screaming , as the sport boys were starting to show up. First was the football team, then the basketball. Baseball and wrestling came next, then the smaller clubs finished them out. Sighing [ ] was content away from everyone as she watched mayhem ensure, chugging of barrels , more music, girls swarming around the players they crushed on as they did minor things, like talk to their teammates or eating from one of the big food trays laying around. Feeling a tap on her shoulder broke her from her people watching, Rumi giving her a bright smile as she took a cup and joined her. “How's my favorite antisocial babe doing now that all of the party has arrived?” She asked as [ ] gave her a pained smile, going to get more if something to drink “Well I don't feel the need to smack anyone is that a good sign?” she chuckled as she got a hug from the more energetic girl “That's my girl! Don't worry, i wanna get out asap but we’re gonna need our favourite pair of sisters before that can happen and it seems like they're fawning over some of the baseball boys as we speak” Rumi said as they watched a familiar tutu of blue go by, followed by a pink one going a similar way. “I don't get it… but at least their taste in men isn't too bad” [ ] joked as Rumi agreed , laughing “Yeah miss tsundere, you can't stand saps, or most of the jocks either” giving the white haired girl a look she rolled her eyes and gave her own laugh back “Yeah I guess i'm either picky or just got high standards” “Ain't nothing wrong with that we all do!” She said as she elbowed the girl beside her.

As the two of them sat there and talked Rumi glanced past her and her eyes widened, causing [ ] to stop talking “What is it-” before she could question her, the white haired girl jumped up, waving at someone “Rap! Over here!” Constantly yelling to someone [ ] started to ask again when a booming voice came from above her “HEY RUMI” a very loud voice called as stomping could be heard before it stopped “I see you took our idea huh?” With that comment [ ] turned around only to be face to face with a dark cover chest, only to then look up to some of the most warm and amber colored eyes looking down at her “Hello there little lady, I like your costume! Erm..Midna aint it?” The giant ganon dressed man questioned as all she could do was shake her head in agreement, causing the giant male to laugh “Awe don't be shy of me kitten i ain't gonna bite!” He chuckled some more as her friend jumped in “I told you she was shy! Be nice Rappa!” Rumi yelled at the flaming red head as he gave her a toothy grin “Oh I was just teasin’ , I bet I ain't hurt her feelin’s did I sweetheart?” Rappa questioned as [ ] face felt hot, hiding her face in her hands as the teasing duo laughed causing the girl to huff “I'm tired of you two already” She said as a giant warm hand touched her shoulders “Awe dont be like that hun, in time ya’l love me” Rappa teased as he gave her a smile,making her stomach flutter “Yeah! This is who wanted you to meet anyway [ ]! This is Kendo Rappa, our top wrestling boy, Rappa this is my adorable best friend [ ]!” Rumi said as the two gave each other a shy smile , a sly one creeping up on Rumis as she thought to herself “Yeah, this'll definitely happen”

Since then the two had become more acquainted , having many classes together and sharing some similar friends [ ] was used to the bruting and sometimes dense man making a random ( and loud) appearance. As [ ] sat in her mostly empty room thanks to her last roommate moving out after constantly breaking sound rules and getting into it with the girl downstairs for being in her bed with her boyfriend (Yikes) she felt a sense of calm. Closing her chemistry book and letting out a relieved sigh [ ] thought about the fact she was going to get a new roommate, the thought was nerve wracking but also it was exciting as well. It was almost too quiet , having the last room by the stairs meant she didn't have to deal with many people besides her friend group. They weren't loud , unless one of her friends decided to get laid and made way too many sounds, or if their neighbors under them threw parties or also had...extra partners coming around. She definitely could feel she was sorta excited she was going to have a roommate again. The sisters had a room to the left of her while Rumi had the one to the right, sharing it with a girl they knew from math. The rooms were not gender defined, some girls having rooms with guys and vise versa so it made it easy to get a room.

These dorms were also quite spacious, the walls not paper thin and a large enough area space that could house two or maybe even three people. So when she heard a knock on her door she expected it to be her new roommate she was advised would come today. Happily opening the door she was shocked and almost terrified to see just a box, well actually a few boxed stacked hiding whoever it was behind them. But if the faed rustic orange hair and wide shoulders meant anything she knew her new roommate already “K-kendo?” [ ] said as the boxes walked by her , landing with a soft thud as bangs covered the male “[ ]? Is that you?” moving his hair out of the way their eyes had the same expression, shocked. “Uh h-hey there sweetheart why isn't this cute, we’re roomies hun?” he laughed as she couldn't help but give him a smile back. “I never expected to see you as my roommate” [ ] teased as Rappa gave her a hardy laugh “Well it looks like me and you are gonna be close friends here darlin’!” With a wide smile he picked her up and gave her a tight hug, taking her breath away ‘ Oh boy i wonder how this will turn out’ she thought as she was eye leve with her giant puppy like friend, his eyes filled of joy

Which leads into now, [ ] trying her hardest to read up on what her next project could be. As she sat there thinking she heard the tale tell sound of her roommate entering with some of his teammates, the boys loud and rambunctious as they entered. Feeling a heavy hand on her shoulder she looked up to the towering boy that was her roommate, his eyes just as bright as usual. “Hey darlin, we're just gonna talk up sum strats a for the upcoming match and play some games in the back , is that alright?” He asked with pleading eyes as one of his more cocky and jock like friends spoke up “Well youre the man here, dont let some women say if we cant or can be here” Rolling her eyes and proceeding to stand up and push past the wide eyed boy who knew what was going to happen. [ ] took in a breath before opening her eyes to look up to the boy “Well it is my room, i pay shit here and the man over there didnt get this place, so i do choose who can and cant come through my place” She said as she pointed a finger to the boys chest. Trying to push his luck he pushed back against her finger “ I bet you just haven’t gotten a good enough dicking for you to just stay out of the way” He laughed. Before [ ] could hit him hard enough her rust haired friend moved in , clearly towering the boy “Yer better watch yer mouth, she has her right around here, im invatin her space so watch it before there's no place for any of us to relax without rules” He said as the boy sucked up any laughing and nodded his head in understanding. Surprised by her usually aloof roommate [ ] stood back and went back to her work, the other boys scrambling behind kendo as the boy who tried to challenge her jumped to follow, never making a move to mock or do anything again.

The boys picked back up and were having fun in the back room of kendo’s , sighs and groans when they lost and victorious laughs and screams if someone won. Once they all left and everything settle to a quiet rumble as the last few funneled out [ ] could here herself think, reading up on chemistry as she felt a presence behind her. “ ‘M sorry, i didn't know my question wouldve cause a roar outta ya..” Kendo started as she smiled gently, turning to face the wounded boy “Its okay….guess it just lit something in me i always did y'know?” She said with a small laugh as she went to type again, but was stopped by the hulking boy. “I gotta make it up to ya alright? I know i aint say anythin that he did but…. It feels like my fault y'know?” He admitted as his large hand covered hers. “You wont live this down will you?” She questioned as his eyes flickered up to hers, sparking. “Nope, not at all. Lemme treat ya right okay?” For such innocent words [ ] couldnt help the shiver that ran down her back at his words. Maybe it was because he was so close, or that the smell of his cologne was too much, either way her head was spinning as she let him still hold her hand as he tugged her away from her computer , his smile widening as she reluctantly shut the bright screen “Great! Now let's get something to eat im starvin” He rasped out as [ ] gave him a giggle that made the boy stop in his tracks. He always thought she had a cute giggle but this one,for some reason , made his heart and chest feel warm and tight. Ignoring the feeling he took the girl with him, the two headed out to get something to eat as they headed down , the sound of her giggling still running though kendos mind.

Getting a random frantic text from Kendo wasn't unusual, in fact it was quite common for him to do such, which now didn't faze [ ] at all but this one was...particularly odd giving what he was asking ‘Hair? And messy? What in the world is he up to’ [. ] thought to herself as she headed to her shared room with the boy, nervous of what scene she could be entering.

Sighing after his last text she hurried her way to their dorm room and in fact he did leave the door open, making her more nervous as she entered the living room. “Kendo?” [ ] called out as she heard a gruff sound come from her bathroom. Entering was a sight of its own; towels, a bowl of some..substance , bags and bottles of body wash and a one flustered and shirtless Kendo. “[ ]! ‘M so glad yer home here take this” The large man said as he handed her an old toothbrush that was frayed and covered with the same odd substance in the bowl. The lingering smell from the room eventually gave it away ; shampoos. “Uh why do i need this? And why is there shampoo on a toothbrush” She questioned as he groaned, taking the towel off his head as she blinked owlishly at his very faded red orange hair, the color now more of a neon pumpkin. Shaking off extra water caused even more of his hair to fall, landing between his shoulder blades as he gave [ ] a desperate look. “It wont come out, and the more i scub the more...orange i become. I look like a orange peel” He whined as [ ] figured out what he was trying to do

“ You wanna remove the color right? A bowl of shampoo and body wash isnt strong enough” Going into their kitchen she grabbed some baking soda and lemon juice , coming back to the hopeless boy “Let me mix something up ive used before okay? Then we can proceed with your hair” Two and a half hours later the boys hair was now a light peachy orange, just light enough to take up with bleach “Well, if were gonna go for blonde ill go get some bleach and some masks, deep conditioners too, your hair is definitely gonna need it and I don’t want it breaking off because you're impatient to take care of it” she sighed as he was amazed at his hair, running a large hand through the still damp mess atop his head “Wow yer good” He said as she smiled at him, taking her keys “And you have a lot of hair. I'll be back” She said as she hopped up “Wait! Lemme go with you?” He asked but also seemed to demand, pleading eyes looking down at hers as wet hair dropped onto his still bare chest.

Trying not to be hypnotized by where they landed and proceeded to slide down she looked up at her amber eyed friend, who was staring intently as he waited for her answer, soft “Please?” coming from his lips. Sighing dramatically on purpose [ ] laughed at him, giving him a grin “of course you can you big puppy” she said as he picked her up in a hug, a gesture that shows his excitement she's come to learn. Putting her down he went to go to the door before his friend called him out “uhm Kendo? You don’t have on a shirt” she said plainly as he looked at her, raising a brow as he gave his rebuttal “Its hot” He responded. Giving him a side eyed look she turned from him and towards their bedrooms, [ ] sliding into his. Soon she came out with a sleeveless one, throwing it at the hulk of a guy infront of her “You can't come in the store without one” She said as he gave a growl of his own, sliding the shirt over his head as they left their apartment “Well at least ya got me one without sleeves” He huffed as they started back to the door, heading out to finally go to the store to start another process on Kendos hair, the male just excited to finally get rid of his pumpkin hair.

As Kendo sat in the shared living room with [ ] , deep conditioning his hair at her yelling request (‘If you dont re nourish it before you want me to bleach it , I won't do it!’ ) he watched his roommate and now his best friend wanderer around and do housley things for their apartment, the girl content as she cleaned and sorted out things in the kitchen, her body turned away from him as he started to think over how beautiful he thought she was. He want the type to brag or gloat about having so many girls comment on his size , height wised and well sometimes other ways , trying to tempt him to them. All while his friends wanted him to explain how he got the attention from the other gender , Kendo hated to admit it but ,he only wanted his roommates' affection. He knew how put together she was, smart and kind. He saw what her previous boyfriend did, a cheater that didnt take care of the beautiful soul he lived with. He couldnt stand seeing her come home and cry herself to sleep broke his heart, and when he fought the cheater, in the act he didnt feel bad once. Of course it ended their relationship, and [ ] yelled at him for fighting , explaining how he couldve ended in jail for fighting her ex, but he argued it would be worth it.

Sitting and mulling over everything he realized Rumi was right, hed do anything for [ ] but not the same for the other females that passed through his life. She actually, was the first person he did that for and that thought made his head dizzy. Moving from his place on the couch he went to stand in the kitchen, waiting for [ ] to come back from her room. Hearing the iconic sound of her feet pittering across the wooden floor he gave her a lopsided smile as she jumped, smacking into the chest of Kendo. Before [ ] could fall from impacting with his chest he caught her, holding her arm to his chest. “K-kendo! You shouldve told me you were in here! Why are you in here anyway?”[ ] scolded as he laughed, moving out of the shorter girl's way as he started his staring again, this time [ ] noticed him “......What?” She asked as he looked down at her, an unreadable look on his face. “Kendo” she called as he hummed, moving closer “Yer gorgeous” Kendo blurted out as [ ] started to stutter, eyes going wide. Taking teo steps forward he essentially trapped his friend between the corner of their kitchen canopy. “Remember when I fought that bastard of an ex you had?” Kendo asked as he saw [ ]’s eyes go soft , shaking her head “What about him...i'm still mad you almost lost everything just to fight him yknow” she huffed as he poked her cheek “Id do it again if it meant you'd be happy again yaknow” Kendo said as he leaned down to push his head against hers, amber and [ ] eyes mingling. Lifting his large hands he traced each side of her cheek, analyzing over her face as he nuzzled against her nose “Stop playin hard to get would ya? Bad enough you got my heart all in your little hands” he whispered as [ ] just started at the giant , her arms gently coming over to cover his that were place on her cheeks “K-ken..i need to start you hair..” She hopelessly try to argue as he groaned, burying his face into her neck. Squealing at his damp hair touching her shoulder [ ] jumped ,pushing the large boy back “Your hair's wet!” She whined as he chuckleed, mo\ving back as it turned into a booming laugh “Oh my ‘m sorry babe , you look surprised” He said as she smacked hsi chest “Go to the sink, i need to rinse the conditioner” She yelled as he hwld his hands up in a mocked surrender, pulling his shirt up and off in one fluid movement. Caught up by him stripping his shirt off [ ] gave him a glance over, the heaviness of him admitting feelings for her in his own unique way still lingering in her mind as the toned and strong back of her friend made her head hazy. Turning around from the lack of notice of his smaller friend Kendo caught the eys of [ ] staring, her eyes quickly flickering to his curious ones as he grinned “See somethin you like darlin?” He teased as she grunted, reaching up to push his head in the sink “Shut up and let me do your hair”

And like clockwork, Kendo rappa was an icy blonde after two days, a break given to his long ,thick and wavy hair, the giant boy looking over his new look as he sighed happily, loving to have his hair finally look normal. “Well damn [ ]! Ya made it even better than what i was thinking. Look! My hair’s all wavy at the ends and it's soft! Whatever you made me do made it feel better!” He raved as the girl looked over her work. And in fact it was highly even, his hair consistent and lavishy soft. Giving him a shy look she giggle “That's what a deep conditioner will do to damage hair and the way i'm always untangling your hair for you, i knew it would need it before you wanted to go white” She said as he just kept running his hands in his hair, turning back to her “I could just kiss you right now!” He blurted out as they both froze at his words, eyes wide from both parties “I-I aint mean it [ ]” He croaked out as she giggled, stepping back from him “O-of course you didnt, why would you i mean aha..”She said as she moved away more , his own words started to hit him as he realized the reverse effect it was having “NO! No, I'd want to kiss you, I really really want to. I just...want it to be on your terms okay?” he said as he grabbed her arm, holding her in front of him as if she'd float away if he didnt.

“Kendo...I..” [ ] started as she came back to his hip, laying between his legs onto his thankfully covered chest “I just dont want to lose you if you decide you wouldnt want me around” She whispered as he pulled her even closer, kissing her forehead as he stared at her “Dont you ever say that again ya hear me? Youll be my princess and ill be your humble er..knight” He hesitated as he tried to think of a sweet way to explain his feelings. [ ] looked up to him as she felt here eyes feel heavy with tears. Before one even fell Kendo pushed his lips as soft as the strong boy could, wrapping a large and beefy arm around her waist as he slipped his tongue in her mouth, letting his hand slide down to pull her up to sit on the tops of his thighs while he leaned against his dresser. Softly [ ] pushed her hand on his chest and pulled away, now eye to eye with Kendo “Sorry , d-did i overstep my place” He asked as she let out a snot, before laughing. Confused, Kendo went to talk before she stopped him “No no, youre good, just that if we keep kissing on this dressed there's gonna be a hole in the wall” She said as she pointed to where the mirror kept tapping a spot, scrapes already aroring it “R-right!” He laughed too, picking her up to set her on his bed “Now then...lemme serve you princess” He said before kissing her again, not letting her rebuttal his own comment. As the two kissed he made sure to be as gentle as he could be , at times clumsily nipping her lip or his hand pulling hard at her clothes.

All in the name of wanting to show how much she meant to him. Soon he pulled away, a small string of saliva strung between them from the hearty kissing. “[ ]...i think i love you” He said as she gave him a soft look , trying to catch her breath from the dramatic kiss they came from “Good, because i love your loud ass too Kendo” She teased as he smirked,leaning down to bite her neck, causing her to moan loudly “We’ll see whos loud after im done wit ya” he gave his own tease back as he moved between her plump thighs, kissing the flesh there as he pulled her shorts to the side, exposing her flushed lower lips. Gasping she reached for his hand that held her legs apart causing the fresh blonde to look up at her, eyes wandering over her face for signs of him to stop “I-Im not used to being this bare sorry..” She whimpered out as it dawned on the other side of her words “Have you ever ate out baby?” he asked as she hid her face from him, shaking ehr head as he groaned, pulling her shorts down as he saw her lacy panties , a smirk placed on his lips as he peeled them off too, a string of arousal keeping them plastered to her lips “fuck, that bastared really didnt take care of you” he growled as she sat up to see his darkening eyes kiss up to her lips whispering out a “but i will” as he sucked one of her lips into his mouth, causing a lound moan from the woman he was inbetween. Slowly he licked up her lips, searching for that small pearl as she whined, a hand coming down to tug his hair. Grunting he soon found it, sucking onto her clit as she gasped, her thighs shutting over his head as he looked up to her, watching as her back arched off of the bed once her pressed his tongue hard against her clit. Softly he let a hand run under her thigh, a single thick finger tracing over her twitching hole as he pushed it in gently, making [ ] squeal. “K-Ken!” She called out as he looked up again, catching her eyes and flushed face on his actions. Making a show of what he was doing he let a second one join the first as he sucked hard on her bud at the same time making [ ]’s eyes roll back as her hand fell from his head, nervous od pulling too hard. Kendo however had other plans. Feeling her walls tighten around his fingers he made sure to find that spongy spot and hitting it, finally pulling his lips from her clit as he smiled “Uuh Uh doll, look at me” He growled as she hesitantly glances at him, regretting that she did. He looked way too good, hair a mess as he was panting, catching his breath from being down on her. With evry pump of his fingers his muscle in his arm twitched, making her own walls spasm as she watched it “Ya like it sweetheart?” He asked as she shook her head, watching him move back to her pussy “Good, cause i aint done” He said as he gave her clit kitten licks beofe slurping on it, throwing a wink at her as he picked up his pace, making [ ]’s voice rise as she felt herself getting close before quickly snapping at a particular hard thrust of his finger to her spot on her walls.

Letting out a light scream she came over his fingers and tongue, the male laughing gleefully as he sucked up her juices. LEtting her come down some he watched her face as bliss spread through her body and a sense of confidence whent though his. Slowly he picked up the pace of his fingers again, going from a shallow push to more stroking as he heard [ ] whine, grabbing at his hand “Uh uh sweetheart, you taste too good fro me to only let you cum on my tongue once” he said as he pushed her down by her stomach, letting her take his spare hand as he went back to suckling on her lower lips. He knew he had a lot in stored for her, and watching the newly admitted love of his life cum from his pleasing was enough for him to realized he needed to do more. Popping off her clit as puling his fingers gently out he looked at her ravished body, using his non wet hand to pull at his sweats. “Youre beautiful like this [ ]” kendo said as she took in heavy breaths, feeling her throat close as he stroked his massive size, rubbing the swollen head as he looked at her , giving her a soft smile “Ya dont have to take me just yet , hes just throbbin too much” He groaned as he twisted his hand hard over his leaking tip, feeling himself throb as he laid back on his bed. “Ride my face?” he asked with one of the most sinful looks [ ] had ever seen ; lustful eyes watching her as his large hand stroked his larger dick, the soft and fleshy muscle jumping at watching her crawl to him, throwing a leg over his neck

“I-i dont wanna suffocate you..” She said as he smirked before saying “Ya cant suffocate me i want it” Soon he grabbed her hip, pushing her onto his awaiting mouth as he picked up his pace, sliding his tongue into her twitching hole as she rocked her hips, keeping a steady pace as she held herself on his shoulder and headboard, ,depreate moand and cries tumbling out as he rocked her too, going from her clit to her dripping entrance, stoking his dick harder and harde as her moans spurred him on. Soon he felt the bud in his mouth twitch and throb harder, the sounds [ ] made increasing as his own hand sped up with his throbbing head, the telltales of them both getting close. A moan erruptred from the girl on his lips as she came again , her essence running down his face as he groaned, ropes of cum shooting onto his hand and stomach as he came himself, still stroking out what he could as the pressure he felt subside. Sliding off softly [ ] saw the mess behind her, taking it upon herself to lick up some of it as she was met with his same aber eyes, watching her move to his still hard member “Let me take care of you too?” she asked shyly. Fuck he was done for as he felt himslef hardend worse at her words, a large hand coming up to smack her ass as he psuhed her up and over his head, letting his tip and her swollen lips run over eachother. Slowly he pushed his tip past her budding lips, entranced by the way it swallowed her whole “Fuck...i love you [ ] and by the time im done with ya...youll know it” he whispered in her ear as she felet him push, more and moreof his large size spreading her lips father than shed ever had. Her eyes rolled up as she felt him bottom out, both moaning as he picked up his pace, making a soothing rhythm as little moans and whines came from [ ], deep grunts coming from Kendo as he kissed her shoulders and back, marking where he could as he felt himself get closer with how she was throbbing over his member.

Digging his fingers as deep as he could in her plush hips he let our a mantra of ‘Cummin’ i and ‘ I love yous’ in her ear as she pushed back against him, feeling herself teetering as he pushed as deep as he could go ,letting himself cum as she came too, the overwhelming feeling of him throbbing against her spongy walls and previous orgasms enough to push her over a third time. “[ ]” Kendo rasped as [ ] hummed , feeling her legs still shake with him in her “Im serious, i'm never leaving you...you're mine and i love you…” kendo said as he kissed the back of her neck, nibbling her ear as he stayed in her “Mhm….i love you too Rappa..”

[halcyonstorm]

Hey! I hope you're well. I started watching AOT and realized that levihan was a ship. And after reading the manga Ive come to the conclusion that they were more than friends if not just friends. Mostly because I saw Levi act with Isabella, a friend and a sister of sorts even Farlan. But with Hange he was just different. And thats what made me feel maybe it really was something more. He was a different Levi with her. All the teasing and the overprotectiveness, the unnecessary sass and hostility sometimes, but that makes me wonder WHY? Why was he like this towards her? And when was the moment he fell for her or decided to befriend her that way that yes I will tease this person from now on. At first I thought its because of how they met maybe but their first meeting was so sweet. Hange seemed impressed by him and he even thanked her for her compliments. I didnt think their interaction would lead to something like this. So what are your thoughts because I wonder alot on this. Also can someon pls tell me why Levi looks at her that way in aot 4 when hange meets the kids with him and says if they dont understand us we'll meet them and teach them. Like. What happened? Thank you !

Hi! I am well, thanks! And thank you for leaving me an ask! I always appreciate hearing what people have to say. I’m gonna try my best to answer your question without going on any tangents lol (but I can’t promise I won’t). This is going to be long.

Mostly because I saw Levi act with Isabella, a friend and a sister of sorts even Farlan. But with Hange he was just different. And thats what made me feel maybe it really was something more.

I 100% agree with this. When I read the manga and watched the anime, I thought maybe Isabel was a love interest (AT FIRST). When I realized she would call him “aniki” (brother) and the way he acted around her (patting her head), I knew there was a different relationship between Isabel and Levi. He saw her as a little sister and was always trying to avoid his two friends from getting into trouble. That’s why he decided for all of them to join the SC after all.

But with Hange he was just different. And thats what made me feel maybe it really was something more. He was a different Levi with her. All the teasing and the overprotectiveness, the unnecessary sass and hostility sometimes, but that makes me wonder WHY? Why was he like this towards her?

I think that the reason Levi had always acted different with her than anyone else was because of their first interaction. It was not in the anime but it WAS in the manga where Hange approaches the trio saying “I was watching you at that crucial moment!” (Not to mention the chapter Hange appears for the first time is called “Hearts” and in 139 we see “...hearts” over her head). At this point, Levi, Farlan, and Isabel were ready to kill Hange since they thought she found out about their plan to kill Erwin. What actually happened was she had seen how cool they all were and wanted to pay them a compliment. Ever since that trio left the underground, Hange was the first person to show them kindness. I don’t think this is something Levi would forget or take lightly. If it were me, I’d definitely remember that moment. I know there is a post somewhere comparing how Levi looked at Hange for the first time vs how he admired the nature outside the walls for the first time. After Farlan and Isabel died, who did he have? Practically no one. It’s my own HC but I’d like to think that Hange stuck by his side. Levi and Hange both have lost so many comrades that they found solace in each other. They bonded through grief I suppose. Also, I think Levi was intrigued by Hange’s personality. Their personalities complement each other: Hange is extroverted, loud, messy; Levi is introverted, quiet, reserved, clean.

When I first saw them, I definitely felt some romantic attraction of sorts. We eventually learn he is a clean freak, yet he has no issue grabbing her hair (which probably was greasy and unclean). Also, I believe that wasn’t in the manga and Isym requested it be added? I can be wrong with that, but I think that if there was nothing planned for their relationship, he wouldn’t have requested it. From the second I saw them, they reminded me of an old married couple. The way they bickered and how Hange never felt threatened by him.

One of my favorite scenes is when Hange enters the room that Levi’s squad is in at the castle.

E: Oh, I’m not sure if I have the authority to help you.

H: Levi, what is Eren doing tomorrow?

L: Cleaning the courtyard.

H: Okay! It’s settled!

See how she doesn’t ask permission? See how Levi doesn’t retaliate? If it were anyone else, I’m sure that 1) someone wouldn't ask that and 2) Levi wouldn’t have responded that way. We have seen all throughout the anime and manga that he usually goes along with whatever she wants to do. Remember in the OVA where Levi grabs her and yells at her? She doesn’t retaliate from his tone either. She SMILES at him. Why? Because he is expressing concern for her. He is showing he cares about her (also he’s grabbing her and bringing her close again). Eventually at the end of the OVA, we see how Levi tells Hange that Erwin agreed to capture titans for experimenting.

And when was the moment he fell for her or decided to befriend her that way that yes I will tease this person from now on… Also can someon pls tell me why Levi looks at her that way in aot 4 when hange meets the kids with him and says if they dont understand us we'll meet them and teach them. Like. What happened? Thank you !

I am not sure if there was a specific moment, but I do believe it definitely developed over time. One specific moment is the one you mentioned later on in your message, “If you don’t know something, go figure it out. Isn’t that what the Survey Corps is all about?” Levi looks at Hange almost in a surprised manner. In my biased LH eyes, it shows that Hange really is a brilliant and wonderful Commander, and Levi is appreciating her and her intelligence. In reality, it is most likely because it is something similar to what Erwin would have said as Commander. In all seriousness, her statement is entirely true. I think we can all learn from and use that statement in our everyday lives. But I think that in this moment, he possibly starts to realize how much he admires the Commander. We can also see Hange taking her own advice in chapter 126? 127? Where she forms the alliance with Pieck. She is not sure how to stop the Rumbling, so she goes to figure out how she can by talking with Pieck. As it turns out, she is successful in forming the alliance.

Overall, I think that Hange and Levi complement each other perfectly. Even if you aren’t looking too deep, I think their relationship is quite obvious. I mean… why would you ask someone to live with you if you didn’t care for them or even love them? I think that this is one of the points that other shippers bring up to break up LH (how L dislikes H or vice versa). Levi didn’t reject her. If Isym wanted him to reject her, he would’ve made him say something similar to Erwin’s “Give up on your dreams and die” statement when Erwin stated his selfish dream and was willing to sacrifice all of humanity for his selfish desire. Hange told him while he was unconscious and “not listening”, and he didn’t reject her. He says “if we run and hide, what will that get us?” and “I know you aren’t able to stay out of the action” when he sees her building the cart. We also see Levi “confess” or “respond” in 132 to Hange’s statement in 126. “Dedicate your heart”?? OMG Do not get me started on that lol.

Getting back on track, the pair is almost always together in the anime. They’re together in the manga panels when they don’t have to be. They don’t even need to speak actual words to communicate. They are the sun and moon, two wings of a bird. Levi is almost always looking at Hange in the official fanarts. We know from the smartpass AU’s that Hange says “he is a good guy” and “he doesn’t say what he means.” That’s why I think they use nicknames frequently. Four-eyes could be seen as an endearing comment coming from him. Also, Levi making Hange chocolates in the Junior High manga?!?!! Oh, yeah, its definitely to shut her up.

Im sorry for the huge tangent but I hope some of this answered your question. I enjoy reading the levihan analysis’ from other blogs. Thank you for reading if you did read this far. Have a good day/afternoon/night <3

[redleadurr]

What do you think of that theory/HC about Tord in the End being a clone? love your art an hc s about Eddsworld btw!

thank you!!

and about the clone theory— i unfortunately dont like it very much, at least for my own ideas and content (not hate it or want ppl who hc to stop tho, thats just mean, this is just personal taste & people who hc it are cool). its not a personal jab to anyone whos main headcanon is that, because of course anyone can headcanon anything (glad u guys are having fun w it!). its just that i myself personally dont vibe with it much.

(gonna explain why i personally dont like the hc for my own content here but please dont take it as me saying it sucks, this is just personal tastes when it comes to interpreting story things): the reason i dont like to adopt this headcanon for myself is mostly bc i feel like its denying of what tord became as a character. from what ive seen, its been used a lot as a way to say that “hey tord didnt actually become evil suddenly, silly legacy team!!!! im gonna explain this random evilness by saying that that is an evil tord clone from spares” (most ppl say it in a lighthearted way is fine & actually p silly). it isnt bad to think of reasonings why tord suddenly became this way since i do it with my own RL headcanons too, i just like to headcanon these types of shifts in personality as a kind of Character Growth instead of resorting to an outside source/excuse(?) for him to suddenly becoming evil like making the evil tord a clone.

i understand why people feel more comfortable in letting the og tord be his own self instead of suddenly becoming bastardized within a single episode after years of not appearing, though. i get it— i was a fan since classic so the change took me by surprise as well. i just personally enjoy thibking about what couldve made tord change for the worst. its particularly fun for me especially considering there was a big hint of it back in Christmas Special 2005 (i was actually gonna write a post abt this some time.. also dont take this as me saying smth like ‘lol my hc has proof while urs doesnt!!’ in the end it doesnt matter if theres proof of a hc or not, its all for fun, just saying that making these connections makes it fun for me)

considering my blog title is literally Red Leader Apologist.. i guess what im saying is that im a sucker for character growth and stuff LOL.. that is all. hc’ing that The End tord was a clone kinda takes that growth aspect of tord headcanons away at least imo. but hey, to the ppl who hc it: ur cool! i actually do like seeing ppl create stuff based off this headcanon especially when it’s humorous like the spiderman pointing meme lol. i feel like you can do a lot w it too. just personally not what i headcanon myself.

sorry if anything here came off weird sounding or badly structured/repeating, my english isnt good. and also u r all very cool & i love seeing ur guys hcs keep it up