#if you are NOT new here this will also make ZERO sense
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Y'all......
So remember how @nova-siims was like "Aye girl, wassup with the homie Sean?" <- And I was like "glad you asked because some shit done went down....."
Well... it gets even worse. I fell down a damn rabbit hole and I need y'alls help because I'm just over here like
So basically.... I decided to check in on bro because I don't appreciate all these extra shenanigans without my consent. I find him, chillin where I found him last time
and I decide to open up CAS and that's when I learned.... some shit
Bro... like? That's not even your BABY bro?
ITS A WHOLE NEWBORN SEAN LIKE??? When did you marry Sienna and when did the baby get here? DID SHE CHEAT ON YOU?
So now I need answers because I think she's lyin and we need a DNA test. Anyway, I decide I now gotta pull up
Y'all tell me why the baby is in the barn..?
And tell me why Sean is the happiest man in Chestnut Ridge not knowing this ain't his damn baby in the barn?
So I pull up his relationship panel just to confirm
Bruh... the newborn is just an acquaintance? Okay, bet. We bout to find this baby's daddy because I, The Watcher, do not condone these shenanigans.
We go ahead and age up baby Huy and
......... we all looking confused at this point and I got the same question mark on my forehead as baby Huy but I'm determined to find this baby's daddy ESPECIALLY since he has special needs. So we go ahead and up MCCCCCCCCCCC
AIGHT BOOM!! We're getting somewhere. Now I just have to find who the fuck Ku Kahale is. I go scrolling through the household bin. I don't see that last name, so I scroll again and STILL don't see it.
Y'all something told me to just look at the ancestors and
YALL!!!! Tell me WHY THIS IS AN ANCESTOR BABY!!?? HOW SWAY??? What am I supposed to do now? I can't delete the baby the ancestors will come for me. If I divorce them then the poor legless child will have to go to therapy and Sean will probably be cursed or some shit. But why is a SPIRITUAL BEING a deadbeat father???
I can't even play no more.
#story stuff#ignore me#if you are new here this will make ZERO sense#if you are NOT new here this will also make ZERO sense#I don't know what to do
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Soaking this in
If you don't know what this is, here's an explanation: Both Fortnite and Call of Duty employ something called "Skill-Based Matchmaking" (SBMM for short), and it has become the bane of a certain subset of players who very vocally yell about how it is ruining multiplayer games.
In short, the game secretly and quietly keeps track of your "skill level." Even if a game has both ranked and unranked modes, it is always tracking this skill level stat that reports back how quickly and easily you're getting kills. When you connect to a new match, it tries to group you with players near your skill level.
The idea being you start with zero skill stat, and by playing the game well, your skill stat levels up until you eventually plateau and you are forever playing the game with people that are just as good (or bad) as you are, within some level of variance.
This means if you're one of these career streamer guys or a Youtube clip compilation sort of dude (or both), then you very quickly get put into high tier matchmaking pools with all the other career streamers and wannabe esports pros. Hence the very loud, very vocal complaints, because if you're one of those guys, the idea of having a "casual match" goes away. Everybody is always firing on all cylinders and you're expected to do the same in order to keep your rank and not look embarrassing to your captive audience.
So Activision apparently ran an experiment per Charlie Intel (article here) where they reduced SBMM's effectiveness, meaning the big fish pros and the little tadpole casual players were thrown into more games together.
The result was a sharp uptick in players rage quitting matches early, some even quitting the game entirely and never coming back. The report notes that while player retention for players with a high skill rank was improved, they make up such a small percentage of the player base (apparently less than 1%; the article has some grammar problems) that servicing them really doesn't make sense.
As it turns out, low level players don't want to get hopelessly destroyed by wannabe esports pros. And those pros make up such a small percentage of the player base it doesn't make sense to keep feeding them more low level chum, even though they are the hungriest for it. As more and more low level players permanently leave the game due to frustration, it turns into a wasteland where high level players are getting mad at each other until they also get frustrated and leave as well. SBMM ensures long term health for a game's multiplayer ecosystem.
And being a Fortnite player, it's so validating to hear this. "SBMM is ruining multiplayer" was always a narrative coming from streamers and youtubers who were frustrated by having to actually TRY instead of being able to score easy clip compilation fodder on clueless newbies.
Enjoy sticking to your smurf accounts now, I guess.
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r u mine? — jj maybank
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summary: you weren’t sure what to call you and jj. friends with benefits? a situationship? either way, the two of you certainly acted like more than friends.
word count: 4181
warnings: lowkey toxic!jj but we love him, jealousy, smut 18+!!!, unprotected p in v sex, squirting, creampie, some fluff
a/n: i am quite proud of this one so I really hope y’all like it! let me know what you think! <3
“Ugh, I hate that word.” You shook your head, taking a swig of your nearly lukewarm beer, grimacing at the skunked taste on your tongue.
“What else would you call it?” Sarah scoffed, raising her eyebrows inquisitively at you as she playfully shoved your knee.
“Hanging out, I don’t know…” you mumbled, your feet playing absently with the sand below you.
“Yeah, okay. It’s okay to call it what it is. A situationship.” Sarah grinned, nodding her head oh so matter of factly at you.
You and Sarah somehow ended up at a kook party. It just kind of happened. It had been awhile since the two of you had been to one, but seeing as the rest of your friends either had plans or were working, it was either this or another night at home, but the former somehow seemed only slightly more appealing.
You didn’t like labels, but if you had to pick one, you were a pogue. You were in a similar boat as Sarah and Kiara. Rich parents, but you hated nothing more than the snobby, ‘I’m so much better than you’ lifestyle the people on your side of the island lived by. By no means were you ungrateful for the life you were given. Your privilege was not ignored. But it was the country club luncheons and the uptight fakeness and the general attitudes of those you grew up around that you wanted no part of. So one day, you met Kiara, and the two of you clicked almost instantly, both of you finding solace in someone who shared the same views. Next up you met Sarah, and the three of you were inseparable. Your friendship was great until it wasn’t, and you and Kie found home in a group of boys from the cut while Sarah completely turned the other way.
But that was old news, history. Sarah came around, started macking on John b, and the three of you eventually made up. Shit happens.
So here you were, on your third beer, sitting on the beach next to Sarah, the full blown kook party going on only a few hundred feet behind you. The two of you tried to mingle, but that lasted for a total of about five minutes before you took advantage of several coolers stocked to the brim with beers, each of you grabbing a few cans before making your way down to the mostly empty beach in front of the Oceanside home holding the party.
You found comfort in the peace and tranquility of the ocean, the soft glow of the moonlight illuminating your senses could have very well brought you peace, if your phone wasn’t blowing up with messages every few minutes.
jj maybank: you really ain’t gonna text me back? got me over here double texting and shit??
jj maybank: knew you’d go back to full kook eventually. my lifestyle ain’t enough for you huh?
jj maybank: alright that was out of pocket I can’t lie my b
You and jj had gotten along since the second you met. Apparently Kiara had been hyping you up, because surprisingly, jj showed zero apprehension to letting another ‘kook’ join his circle. The attraction was also immediate, on both ends, but that took a bit longer to come out. Shared glances weren’t uncommon, neither were legs brushing against each other on the boat, even though there was more than enough room for the two of you to sit apart.
You and jj were friends for about a month before you hooked up the first time. It wasn’t anything crazy, you were both drunk and horny and one thing led to another. It was sloppy and pretty quick. But instead of it being a one and done deal, it kept happening, no alcohol involved.
You couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment where it went from purely sex to more, but it just happened. You and jj would spend time alone without the rest of your friends, cuddling on the couch at the chateau while everyone was out, or you calling jj late at night sobbing after a particularly nasty argument with your parents, which led to him climbing through your bedroom window and staying the night, sneaking out before you woke up the next day. Since that night, you would keep your bedroom window cracked ever so slightly, and most nights, like clockwork, jj would make the familiar climb up and through the window to be with you. Sometimes this led to sex, but other times it didn’t. That’s why it was weird.
You had both agreed that you weren’t in a relationship. jj for one didn’t want to commit, and you didn’t either. Several shitty relationships prior to meeting jj would taint your view on love. So it seemed like you were on the same page, but both of your actions proved otherwise.
This is why it wasn’t an uncommon occurrence that jj was currently blowing up your phone. For two people who are not in a relationship, you both had your fair share of jealousy issues. But you shouldn’t, because you’re not in a relationship.
“He’s freaking out right now,” you groaned, turning to Sarah with an exasperated sigh as your eyes glazed over the messages on your phone, “he’s mad that I’m not responding and that I’m here, but he knows it’s Kelce’s birthday party and so he assumes Jake is here since they’re best friends… but he’s acting like I’m gonna do something, like are you serious?” You vented, finishing off the last few drops of your beer.
Jake was your most recent ex. Total asshole. You cringed every time you thought about your time shared together, hating the fact that you ever gave him the time of day. He was overly preppy, but also overly possessive, yet he still cheated on you. Imagine that.
“He’s mad about Jake?!” Sarah gaped, leaning in closer to you as she glanced down at your phone, not missing the texts flooding through from jj.
“That’s what I’m saying… I hate him, and it’s not like I’m gonna cheat on him —“
“Ah, you can’t cheat on someone you’re not dating.” Sarah hummed, shaking her head at you.
“Ugh, you know what I mean. This situationship bullshit is so stupid. But either way, that’s a valid point. Not only do I want nothing to do with Jake, but even if I did, jj isn’t my boyfriend, so he shouldn’t even be mad,” you rambled, pausing for a moment before looking back down to your phone, “yeah, no, that’s a good point, that’s what I’m gonna say.” You mumbled as you began typing out a response to jj’s multitude of texts.
you: you say it’s about the kooks but seems to me like it’s one kook in particular you’re mad about
you: yeah, jake is here. I ain’t dumb jj, you’re transparent as fuck lmao
you: also I’m just trying to figure out why you’re mad bc you know I hate him but even if I wanted him, why would that be your problem? We’re not dating soooo??
you: have a good night at work! <3
You locked your phone, but not before putting it on do not disturb and shoving it in the back pocket of your denim shorts.
“Oh, well now he’s gonna lose his shit even more.” Sarah giggled, having watched you type out your messages.
“I don’t care, let him. He’s pissing me off.” You shrugged, rolling your eyes, but you couldn’t help but laugh along with Sarah. You wouldn’t admit it out loud, but the thought of jj freaking out with jealousy over you made your stomach tingle. Just a little bit though…
An hour had passed since you had texted jj and you haven’t checked your phone once. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t the slightest bit curious to see his response, but your stubbornness was strong, outweighing your curiosity for the time being. The four beers in your system helped too, lightening up your overall mood and somewhat helping you forget about jj for a little while.
You were only a little tipsy at this point, but you and Sarah had mutually agreed to call it a night and start your trek home.
You both felt generally safe walking home. Streets were pretty well lit and it was figure 8, all the drunk creepy frat guys you had to worry about were down the street at the party.
“Hey, text me when you get home, okay? And keep me updated on jj whenever you check your phone. I’m honestly surprised he didn’t show up at Kelce’s after that exchange.” Sarah giggled as the two of you approached her house, giving her a quick hug goodbye and promising to update her. You only lived one street away from her, and she had plans with John b early the next morning so you decided to not sleepover this time.
You continued your journey home after seeing that Sarah had made it inside safely, sighing to yourself as the soft island breeze gently blew against your face, cooling down your slightly flushed cheeks.
You arrived home only five minutes later, tiptoeing through your dark home so as to not wake your sleeping parents, humming softly to yourself once you made your way upstairs and into your bedroom, pulling your shirt over your head and letting it fall onto the floor before fishing your phone out of your back pocket and tossing it onto the bed as you went to unbutton your shorts.
“Oh, so you do have a phone.”
You gasped, nearly screaming as you scrambled to flip your lights on, immediately spotting jj laid back on your bed, hands behind his head as he leaned seemingly comfortably against your headboard.
“jj what the fuck?!” You whisper yelled, wishing more than anything that your parents weren’t home so you could truly yell at him. You didn’t have to question how he got in, though. You had left your window cracked like you always did, as jj would have more than likely came over tonight anyways, but that was before you had started bickering over text. He had done this before, too, surprising you in your bedroom while you were at work or out with friends, coming home to the boy waiting for you in your bed.
“You put your shit on ‘do not text’ or whatever and I couldn’t get ahold of you. I was going to go straight to Kelce’s party, but I took a moment to consider the fact that that wouldn’t be a good idea, so I decided to wait for you here. Were you just gonna ignore me all night?” He sat up once you had acknowledged his presence, his hands playing with one of your pillows as he looked at you.
“First of all, it’s ’do not disturb’ and second, you were blowing up my shit and being annoying. Therefore, you were disturbing me.” You rolled your eyes, feeling jj’s eyes on you as you grabbed a sleep shirt from your closet and pulled it over your head before sitting on the edge of your bed as you worked to untie your shoes.
“Why do you do this to me?” jj whispered after a few moments of silence, scooting himself closer to where you were sat.
“What am I doing to you, jj?” You asked, not looking at him as you removed your first shoe, now untying the other.
“You — fuck. You make me fuckin’ crazy. I don’t like that I feel like this.” He muttered, and you could feel by the movements in the bed that he was anxiously adjusting and readjusting his hat, an anxious tick you had picked up quite early in your friendship with him.
“I make you crazy?” You questioned, your brows raising as you kicked off your other shoe and finally turned to look at the boy sat behind you on your bed.
“Yeah, and I hate it. Got me… got me checking my phone every two seconds to see if you texted me, fuckin’ — picturing you with that douchebag ex of yours… literally has my heart pounding. Like I can’t think about anything else.” He admitted, and you couldn’t miss the way his knee was shaking anxiously, his fingers playing absently with your blanket, yet he still kept his gaze on you.
“jj…” you breathed, your voice softening now. You felt for him. You knew it wasn’t easy for him to express his feelings, and you didn’t want to dismiss the way he was feeling just because you had argued. You would also be lying if you said you wouldn’t be jealous if he was around his ex all night… but you can blame that on your shitty past relationships, not because you didn’t want jj around girls he used to call his… definitely unrelated.
“Listen, I get what you’re saying, okay?” You sighed, slowly placing your hand on his bouncing knee. “But… we aren’t dating. We’re just friends who sleep together, you know?” You added quietly, hating the words that left your mouth, but it was the truth. There was no gentle way to say it.
“You’re right, you’re right. But let me just,” he reached for your hand over his knee, moving it to your side, “let’s just not talk about that right now, okay?” He licked his bottom lip, his hands now finding your thighs, rubbing the soft skin slowly, his fingertips inching their way up past the top of your shorts and underneath your shirt.
You didn’t speak as he took a hold of the bottom of your shirt, lifting the fabric over your head, leaving you completely bare from the waist up. You didn’t protest, your body heating up at his touch like it always did. He let out a long breath as he took in the sight of you before him, his hands quickly grabbing your tits, squeezing the soft flesh in his calloused hands, causing your back to arch slightly, your lips parting as an almost inaudible gasp left your lips.
His eyes found yours quickly following your reaction and you nodded at him, no words spoken between the two of you as you fully gave into his touch, crawling all the way onto your bed and scooting yourself back towards your pillows.
“So pretty..” he cooed, his fingers pinching your hard nipples, making you whimper softly, fully giving into him. You reached forward, pulling his hat off of his head and tossing it onto the floor alongside your shirt, your fingers entangling in his messy locks as you pulled him closer to you, wrapping your legs around his middle, bringing his face right up to yours before you connected your lips.
You hummed into the familiar feeling of your soft lips against his, and only a few seconds passed before your mouths had both parted and your tongues were moving sloppily together, his soft groans sending vibrations into your mouth and through your body, your core feeling even hotter and wetter as the seconds passed.
His hands continued to toy with your tits, but they eventually began to trail down your stomach, unbuttoning your shorts blindly as you continued to kiss. You lifted your hips up as he tugged the denim down your legs, leaving you in just your underwear.
You opened your mouth in protest when he suddenly pulled away from the kiss, your chest rising and falling rapidly as you caught your breath, about to say something about him pulling away but stopping once you watched as he pulled his shirt over his head, and your attention was now turned to his naked torso.
“Shh, I got you, I got you.” He murmured, his hands now tugging the zipper of his cargo shorts down, ridding himself of his shorts entirely, the two of you now only in underwear. Your eyes flew immediately to the ever present bulge in his boxers, and you didn’t miss the wet spot right where the tip of his dick was, no doubt leaking precum. You had almost an identical wet spot in your underwear as well, your arousal practically dripping out of you as each second passed, eager for his touch.
“jj, please.” You grumbled, wrapping your arms around his neck as he lowered himself back down to you, your lips connecting again, this time moving a lot quicker and more sloppily than only moments ago. Your centers both connected within seconds, you bucking your hips up to grind against him and him grinding himself down against you. Who had gone for it first, who knew. You were certainly on the same page.
“Please what, baby? Hm?” He breathed, holding himself up above you with only one hand as his other wriggled its way between your bodies and down to your wet core, fingers barely even teasing at the waistband before he slipped them inside, cupping your pussy.
“Fuck —“ you moaned, shamelessly grinding yourself against his hand, desperately aching for more of him. The feeling of just his hand had you crumbling, any thoughts of your disagreement from earlier were long gone and forgotten in this moment.
“Use your words, baby. You want my fingers?” He questioned, already knowing the answer.
“Yes, yes, please. Touch me.” You answered immediately, and that was all it took for him to yank your underwear down your legs and push his middle finger inside of you, effortlessly sliding into your slick yet tight walls. Your head fell back onto your pillow, a long exhale leaving your swollen lips as he pumped his finger quickly, adding a second after you began to adjust.
“Goddamn, you’re fuckin’ soaked, woman.” He spoke lowly, quickening his pace once he found a good rhythm, curling his fingers into your g-spot, emitting soft whimpers and curses from your lips, you still being half mindful of your sleeping parents down the hall.
The sight of jj’s furrowed brows and parted pink lips had your stomach turning, and you watched as he watched intently at the sight of his fingers moving in and out of your pussy, a look of concentration mixed with arousal evident upon his features. That and the spots his fingers had found inside of you had you crumbling quickly, your fingertips that were lazily resting in his hair now gripped tightly into his locks, your eyes squeezing shut as you felt your orgasm approaching quickly.
“jj, gonna cum, oh fuck, oh — oh god.” You panted, head flat on your pillows now as you felt him quicken his pace, hearing his own moans as you pulled on his hair.
“Yeah, let go for me, baby, come on now.” He urged, and that was all it took for you to let go, your orgasm hitting you at full force. He quickly shot his free hand up to your face to cover your mouth, quieting your loud cries of pleasure. He loved the sound of your sweet moans, but being caught by your parents would be less than ideal. You cried into his palm, your juices gushing out of you and all over jj’s hand and torso, dripping down and soaking his stomach and boxers.
“Oh fuck, that’s right, so good, so good, huh?” He cooed, his fingers slowing down as you rode out your high, uncovering your mouth once you had fully finished and planting several soft kisses all over your parted lips as you worked to catch your breath.
You lifted your head after a moment, your eyes opening to meet his hungry gaze, untangling your fingers from his hair to reach for his boxers. You needed more of him.
“Need you now.” You spoke, voice still a bit shaky as you had just caught your breath. You removed his boxers with his help, his leaking cock springing free from the restraint of the tight fabric. Your mouth watered at the sight, watching as he pumped himself slowly, finally giving himself some relief.
“Need me inside you, sweet girl? Hm?” He licked his bottom lip as you nodded eagerly, a smug grin present on his lips at your neediness. You didn’t care, he could be cocky after the orgasm he just gave you. He could have his moment.
“Please. Please fuck me.” You pleaded, pushing your hips up to rub yourself against his cock. He groaned at the contact, giving himself a few more pumps before tapping his tip against your sensitive clit, causing you to gasp and push your thighs together purely out of reflex.
“Ahh, keep those legs open for me. Gotta open up so I can fuck you, sweet thing.” He tisked, pushing your thighs open with his free hand, positioning his cock against your entrance, slowly pushing himself in. Once halfway inside, his hand trailed down from your thigh to grab your ankle, lifting your leg to wrap around his back, quickly doing the same with your other leg.
Finally getting you positioned like he wanted, he pushed himself all the way in, jaw going slack once he bottomed out, grunting at the depth he reached inside of you.
“Fuuckkk,” he breathed, his messy hair falling onto his forehead as he looked down at the two of you, fully connected. He inhaled sharply before he began moving, struggling to keep his eyes open as your tight pussy hugged his cock perfectly. But he wanted to watch you, that was one of the best parts.
You did everything in your power to not scream, his cock immediately hitting all the right spots inside of you, his pelvis hitting your clit with every thrust. You couldn’t stop yourself from moaning however, your arms wrapping around his neck to hold you up, keeping your body somewhat up. Your fingernails found home in the soft skin of his back, each trust and movement he made surely forming scratches into the skin.
“So good, so good,” he moaned, sweat beading past his hairline as he found the perfect pace, his balls slapping your ass as his cock disappeared inside of you, “you’re fucking perfect, yeah, oh fuck.” He breathed shakily, almost whining as you squeezed your legs tighter around his torso, his body pushing closer to you if possible, his dick hitting deep inside your wet pussy.
You were a mess beneath him. The tension throughout the night and the way he was fucking you perfectly was not doing anything to prolong your orgasm. But you could feel by the way he pulsated inside of you that he wasn’t going to last long either.
“Shit, I’m close, baby. Where d’you want me to cum?” He asked, slowing his thrusts for a moment as he attempted to gain composure of himself, wanting to give you one last orgasm before he finished.
You didn’t even hesitate before responding.
“Inside.” You answered, eyes looking up to meet his.
He cocked his head in confusion, stilling his movements following your words, almost unsure if he had heard you correctly.
“Don’t fuck with me —“
“I’m not, jj. Please. Want you to cum inside me.” You assured him, pushing your hips up, urging him to move again.
“You… okay.” He resumed his movements, each thrust bringing both you and him closer to the edge.
“Oh fuck jj, I’m gonna cu-“
“Say you’re mine.” He cut you off, not stopping his movements, his breathing was shaky but his voice was steady, and he was serious.
“What?” You panted, your chest rising and falling rapidly.
“Say you’re mine.” He repeated himself, soft grunts following his words as he watched your face below him.
You knew what he was saying, and maybe it was the impending orgasm, or maybe it was the fact that you had never felt this way with anyone before him. Maybe after you said it and you both finished you would both get hit with that post nut clarity and go back on your words, but you could figure all of that out later. You could be his. You wanted to be his.
“I’m yours.” You spoke, and that was all it took for him to reach his end, his balls tightening, thrusts sloppy but still quick as he released inside of you in hot spurts, his face falling forward as he moaned, triggering your own release.
The wet sounds of his cock pushing into your cum filled pussy filled the room, his movements slowing down as you both rode out your highs together, eventually stopping completely before he slowly pulled himself out of you.
His cum leaked out of you almost immediately, but jj was quick to reach over the side of the bed and grab his shirt, placing it under your leaking pussy.
“Shit,” he breathed, rubbing your lower stomach gently as your bodies both began to relax, leaning down to kiss your swollen lips gently.
“You still mine?” He asked after a few moments of silence, mentally preparing himself for your rejection, nervous you had only said that in the heat of the moment. He meant what he said though.
“Mhm, I’m still yours.”
#jj maybank#outer banks#jj maybank x reader#jj maybank one shot#jj maybank fanfiction#jj maybank prompt#jj maybank fic#jj maybank imagine#jj maybank smut#jj maybank x kook!reader#jj maybank x you
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This question asked by a mileven to finn wolfhard might've been one of the best proofs bylers got today lmao.
There is so much to unpack here.
"What makes miIeven so strong?" — Finn didn't address this at all. Is their "love" really so strong if he can't easily speak on it? lol. Caleb was going on about how unconditional and forever lumax's love was today. Those were the words he used. And Noah went on and on about byler's bond at his last panel in 2024.
Instead of answering how their love is so strong, Finn starts talking about how romance was the last thing on Mike's mind when he met El. This easily kills the 'love at first sight' from the monologue, which is hilarious because the questioner is asking "how does Mike's monologue impact them after season 4". So not only did he ignore the question, but he also contradicts the monologue that the questioner wants to hear more about, not once, but THREE TIMES 😭😭😭
"I dont think romance was on his mind even when he initially found eleven" "didn't perceive himself to be in any romantic relationship" "that wasn't even on his mind"
Next he's comparing el to ET: the least romantic dynamic ever. ET is an alien that a boy named elliot takes care of. So apparently that's how Mike initially saw El— like a pet he had to take care of. (This is not news and has been said multiple times by the duffers and finn by the way). Oh and ET says goodbye and leaves at the end of the movie.
"relationship with a lot of people", "feelings towards someone" — Keeping it gender neutral I see :))
"first love", "that relationship is his first romantic feelings for someone" — Usually people signify the relationship being a first because it's not the LAST either *chuckles*. Interesting how finn doesn't say anything like "that relationship is his ONLY romantic feelings towards someone" if he wanted to emphasize how deeply in love they are like how the questioner so clearly wanted him to lol
"going into season 5", "still a couple going into it" — So he said not once but twice "going into..." He seems to want to make it really clear he's ONLY referring to the beginning of the season and nothing else, because it's literal common sense. mike and el ended off season 4 together, so yeah no fucking duh they're starting off season 5 together?? Like what lol.
"that's all I can say about 5" — So zero indication that Mileven are still together in the middle, or the end, or anywhere beyond the start of season 5.
Now what would be a better more pro-mileven response to this question? Probably something like this (I'm essentially taking stuff Noah and Caleb have said about byler and lumax and mashing them together):
The romantic relationship between Mike and El is a foundational element of stranger things. What makes them so strong and how does Mike’s confession impact them after season 4?
I think what makes Mike and El so strong is their unconditional love and connection with each other, just as what Mike's confession showed. I can't give spoilers about season 5, but I'm just excited for you guys to see it. Like I think all throughout the seasons, I have have so many great scenes with millie. I can't spoil anything but Mike and El's relationship has been so important all throughout, and you'll see what they will face in season 5.
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Isekai reader x Batfam (Neglected au)
Female reader
Chapter 6- The mission is non-existent
TW: School shooting
______________________________
Damian looks around the room, it feels more like an apartment rather than a room
"No wonder the miss rarely comes down for food, with the amount of kitchen appliances here she'd rival a small town restaurant..." Alfred chuckles, he looks at the expensive, top grade materials
"There's nothing in the fridge though..." Jason grumbles, Duke is asleep beside you holding your hand and Bruce admires the scene "That's enough, stop rummaging through your sister's stuff"
He looks around your room, pictures of your friends, you at parties, you at school events, how the fuck?, you held your own charity gala? How??? Where did you get the money? How did this not reach him?
"hng- ow- What the fuck!?" You wake up and you see the cast of the Addams family surrounding you
"Don't try to overdo it" Dick helps you sit up
"Huh?"
Reader! You are fucked, everyone's hatred meter has gone down to 10%, EVEN DAMIAN AND JASON'S METER
You shift further away from Dick, his gaze turns sad sensing your discomfort with him, he really needs to change that
"Is there something you need?" Duke asks, he holds your hand tight, "Do you need us to do something?" Asked Tim
"Can you all please leave my room..." You say and you see that Bruce hesitates "Are you sure? You might need assistance?"
Reader, make them go away, it keeps on dropping! If it reaches zero you'll fail!
"There's no need, it was just fear gas..."
_____________________________
School was absolute shit.
Damian had pulled you away from your friends to eat with you during recess, you'd also found out Tim bribed the principal to switch your classes so you'd have the same as his
Some of your friends are annoyed that your siblings are meddling, they've never eaten lunch with you before? Why now? And others are cooing, they've never seen you interact with your siblings, and the fact your gentler with your friends than your siblings makes them happy
Your teachers are grateful that you manage to tame Damian
"(Name)! I watched your violin concert last night! You were amazing!" Says a student, you smile "Thank you!"
Then the student's mood shifts "I heard that the route you were taking home was attacked by both the Joker and Scarecrow right? Are you okay?" They ask, the surrounding students get curious but don't necessarily engage
"yeah... I'm fine" you say, you're trying to think of ways to differentiate the topic, the student gasps "Oh but I saw on the news that you were one of scarecrow's victims! And that you inhaled the fear gas..." She says as she smirks, "I don't really want to talk about it, and I'm fine..." You answer
"Oh but-" Damian grabs her arm and pushes her away from you "She says she doesn't want to talk about it? Why are you pushing?! Are you really worried or you just wanted gossip?" He snarls
You see the girl wince but smiles anyway "ah right... Sorry"
And then it hit... An attack? It hits your school so fast, the students scream and panic, "Everyone out!" Shouted a security guard, you hear a bunch of gunshots in the halls and the screams from that direction become quieter until it stopped completely see
Are you serious?
A school shooting.
Never in your original years and reincarnated years combined have you ever been so fucking scared and pissed off at the same time
First and foremost, you just survived the mother fucking scarecrow, now you have to survive guns?
Damian holds your hand and runs away with you, "What are you doing!? You're supposed to save people!?' you whisper-yell to him, he gets you to a hidden area and hands you a small dagger he hid in his socks, he looks at you worryingly "Stay here, wait till I get back-"
"They've been apprehended!" yelled a student, "Well... There's no need for that huh?", slowly you and Damian walk out of the room to see what happened? Did another bat get them already? Was it Tim?
Then you see her.
In a hero costume, trapping the shooters with what seem to be magical ropes, her costume design looked like it was stolen from my hero academia
"There's no need for all of you to worry, for I Protagonist has taken care of them, they'll be handed over to the police" she says
"Did she really name herself 'Protagonist'?" Tim comes from behind you looking baffled at the name choice
"At least she saved us" you say
_____________________________
Hey so do you guys remember that one comment about the family couch on chapter 2? And how all the years of living there you never sat on it? Well after days of the family trying to get you to watch a movie with them on the couch, you confessed you feel weird about sitting somewhere sacred to them
You come home after volunteering at a soup kitchen that the family couch is gone, replaced by a new pristine couch with comfortable pillows
Stephanie smiles at you "You're back! Wash up, the family is watching a movie" mixed in her voice a tone of dominance, you can't say no
You find yourself huddled up, you feel yourself sweating as Tim curls up on you and Cass is leaning on your shoulder, Dick hand you the remote "You pick" she says
You scroll for a few moments and you feel the family get a bit impatient, so you click on the nearest movie you find
Bad idea.
It was a movie about a dog being abandoned by their owner in a hike and as they try to find their way home they die
You're in shambles, you've watched people die in movies, either terminal illnesses, a series of unfortunate events, murder, you've cried to some, some didn't phase you
But a sad dog movie?
You are wrecked, Jason hands you your 3rd tissue pack, your inconsolable, you hate animals getting sad endings, the. Titus licks your hand, Damian brought him to console you, while Bruce chooses another movie, this time he chose a dog movie with a happy ending, you hugged Titus the whole night
It happened to you before, when you and your friends were in a really lengthy assembly, they fell asleep on your shoulders, you made it your mission to not move at all, you didn't want to wake them, you liked that they learned on you for comfort
But Tim and Cass sleeping on you, you have no idea what to do, your instincts that you got because of your friends tell you to stay still so they'd be comfortable
Another part of you is screaming that if you don't move the hatred meter will go down
And go down it did
Everyone is down to 2%, you can't let it get to zero, you can't
Bruce looks at you "(Name) about your upcoming 16th birthday-"
He sees you asleep, he smiles and admires his children
Matter of fact you were just pretending to be asleep, if you hear another birthday party plan you'll die, last year you had that Damian excuse, but now? You're out of reasons to not have that stupid party
So you sleep...
Oh well look at all of you...
What a happy family.
You're done for.
_____________________________
Damian: I need to place (Name) in a safe space before helping
Protagonist: the job is done
Tim: Tacky fucking name
_____________________________
@jellyedkazoo @vanilliona @shyenemyperson @popboomcha @plsfckmedxddy @devotedlyshamelessdetective @dorkatron-2000 @yuyuzi-ling @sweetsugerskull @butratherbutrather @yu-reiii @clementinesyummy @lfiee @iamapotatoe @type-ink @unknownloner1345 @randomlyappearingartist @justatimidcreator
#warmisekaidc#dc universe#dcu#yandere#yandere batfam#yandere platonic#yandere batman#yandere batboys#yandere barbara gordon#yandere stephanie brown#yandere cassandra cain#yandere jason todd#yandere tim drake#yandere dick grayson#yandere damian wayne#yandere duke thomas#yandere bruce wayne
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The second dimension has burned up, almost(?) everyone is dead, the ones that aren't dead wish they were, and this funny little yellow triangle the Axolotl met one time is some kind of god ghost party host tyrant.
Wanna make it even worse?? I know you do. Let's make it so much worse.
Here, have a fic. Last week's Part 1 is about Bill doing some kind of cosmic horror shit to the Axolotl; part 2 here is about the Axolotl trying to process the most horrifying thing he's ever seen while a bunch of the most annoying gods you've ever seen argue about building inspections and vandalism.
####
When the Axolotl tumbled out of the bloated pocket of reality where Dimension Zero's singularity was supposed to be, for a moment he thought he'd gotten turned around and flown straight back in, because here again was the yellow triangle's nightmarish party: the geometric rainbow of corpses and undead puppeted into dancing for their "magister," the flashing strobe lights, the hissing whispery white noise like the echoes of a Big Bang had gained sentience and started passing secrets to each other, the cacophonous music that seemed to be every song playing at once.
He had to shake his head to clear it and make sense of what he was seeing. No corpses, no dancing: all he was seeing was all the gods who'd gathered together outside the incinerated two dimensional wall to help deal with the criss, at least triple what there had been before he'd entered what-wasn't-Dimension-Zero. The flashing lights were the cameras and broadcasting equipment of reporters, cordoned off from the Apocalyptic Threat Task Force's main center of operations but still crowding as close as possible to see what the firefighters and ATTF were doing. The whispers were the buzz of activity among the emergency response workers.
And the music was only playing in his own head.
A few gods glanced at him as he emerged from the immense roiling miasma that had replaced Dimension Zero, but they had their own business to deal with and he wasn't part of it, so he was quickly ignored. He wouldn't know what to say if anyone had spoken to him. It was hard to think of anything but the dancing.
He should tell someone what he'd seen. Numbly, he looked around for the storm cloud with the ATTF he'd spoken to earlier, but couldn't pick it out from the crowd.
There was one "face" in the crowd he distantly recognized: a harried-looking vending machine filled with planets and moons—VENDOR, the Axolotl was pretty sure. Some politician. THEY were irritably shifting THEIR worlds back and forth on THEIR spiral racks as THEY spoke to one of the ATTF's many apocalypse cops; THEY'd already vended five planets that the apoc cop had cradled in their tentacles. As the Axolotl swam past the duo in search of the cloud, he heard VENDOR snapping, "—I'll have you know elections are coming up again. The last thing I need is Municipalitron suggesting this lackluster response to a gaping hole into Dimension Zero is MY fault! By the time those rubbernecking reporters make it around your flimsy barrier, I want to be able to report you've cleaned up this mess—" Was the incinerated Dimension 2 Delta even in THEIR district?
He saw THEM on the news from time to time at cosmic crises like this, providing temporary planets for refugees until they could be moved to other worlds (or, in dire enough circumstances—other dimensions); that must be what THEY were here for now. It tended to get THEM a lot of good press. The Axolotl didn't know how much of it was deserved.
To the Axolotl's further distaste, there were also cops here now—not the apoc cops, they were fine, but cop-cops: he saw one crablike being with red and blue mushrooms growing out from where his eyes used to be, and two interlocked fiery rings with a hundred distrustful eyes. They were talking to the hapless furred serpent the Axolotl had seen before he'd gone in to investigate Dimension Zero, the one who'd called in the emergency. She didn't look at all comfortable with whatever they were asking. Why the hell did a spontaneously combusting universe call for the police? Who did they think they were going to arrest? Who did they think they could blame for the fire? The fire itself?
Unless they thought it was arson?
There was the storm cloud: it was talking to another apoc cop, a floating flock of sheep with an ATTF badge pinned in their rain-soaked wool. The Axolotl headed their direction—but paused at the sight of the triangle's sun.
Before Dimension 2 Delta had burned, the little triangle's two-dimensional home planet had been illuminated by a sun shining down on it from the third dimension—a sun no one but the triangle could see. With 2Δ gone, the third dimension was slowly falling into Dimension Zero's nauseating threshold; and in the time the Axolotl had been talking to the triangle, his sun had fallen halfway toward the threshold.
He carefully picked it up and nudged it a safe distance back, then shook the sting of heat out of his paws.
Someone said, "Hold on, you're the one who defaced the Department of Multiversal Vehicles' office!"
The Axolotl turned to look. VENDOR had apparently ganged up with the cops against the serpent. He groaned under his breath.
Looking between the trio with panic in her eyes and clutching her spray paint can anxiously to her underbelly, the serpent was saying, "Okay, okay, maybe I was out here to do a little graffiti—"
The Axolotl winced and muttered, "Oh, don't voluntarily confess anything." The cloud could wait. He hurried in their direction.
"—but I hadn't actually started anything when the dimension caught on fire! I mean—all right maybe I'd done a couple of tags, but only in vacuum, nowhere near any stars! And the fire started way off from where I was—"
"That sounds likely," VENDOR said.
"You've already got a rap sheet for vandalism," the crablike cop said. "Decided to try out arson—?"
The tentacled apoc cop who'd been speaking to VENDOR earlier cut into the conversation. "Lay off, we've already checked her out. The combustible material in a can of spray paint would only take out a solar system at most. Do you have any idea, any idea, just how much power it takes to burn a whole dimension?"
The dual fiery rings wheeled aggressively in front of the apoc cop. "You let us do our job, calamari. Just focus on doing your own."
"Don't mind if I do," the Axolotl said. He put himself between the accused criminal and the gods of punishment, gills flared and curled forward. "I believe this serpent was a witness to the fire. Is she under arrest?" (He could feel some of the mental numbness wearing off, the horror loosen its grip on his heart as he focused on doing his job.)
VENDOR took one look at him and scoffed. "Oh, you. I know who you are," THEY said. "I suppose this is one of your pro bono clients." All one hundred and two of the cops' eyes immediately snapped to the Axolotl.
Why did everyone think that today? "No," the Axolotl said exasperatedly, "she's not. But I do know her rights. Including her right not to answer any of your questions." (The serpent's jaw snapped shut.) "Do you?"
The cops both bristled. VENDOR drew THEMSELF up to THEIR full height (which was the same height THEY'd already been, a metal brick being rather inflexible like that) and prepared to retort—but THEIR internal camera caught on something just to the Axolotl's side. "Oh, no. Not her."
The Axolotl turned. Hovering in the void behind them, so small and translucent she'd be unnoticeable if not for the faint pinkish glow she gave off, was an astrally-projected mortal soul: a four-armed salamander-like woman with a robe and a string of beads wrapped around one wrist. She opened her eyes, blinking up at the Axolotl.
"Oracle," the Axolotl said, half greeting, half a surprised query. The Oracle bowed her head to him.
To the mortals she served, the Oracle was a priestess who received messages from a god: prophecies to help her people understand the divine and navigate the future. To the beings powerful enough to get called gods, the Oracle was essentially one in a long line of intern news bloggers that the Axolotl occasionally had coffee with to discuss local politics and court cases. His Oracles were almost always low-level mortal criminals who had gotten themselves involved in enough trouble to attract gods' attention, but whom he'd taken under his fin to help get out of that life before they graduated to crimes against reality. The Axolotl thought it was important to offer mortals help before they crossed a line they could never uncross, and important to keep an open conduit of information between higher and lower planes. He thought the people who had the power to shape reality owed transparency to the people living in the realities they shaped.
Not everyone agreed.
"You smuggled your reporter past the barricade," VENDOR said accusatorially. (The cops visibly flinched at the word "reporter," the crablike one nervously clacking his claws and the ringed one's many eyes widening.)
"No, I had no idea she was coming." Which was unusual. Usually, the Axolotl visited the Oracle in her sleep to catch her up on his day's work and how it might affect mortal affairs; it wasn't often the Oracle sought him out first.
"Well, I'm not making a statement." VENDOR abruptly turned THEIR back to the Axolotl and his Oracle. "If anyone asks, no comment. I'm not commenting on the current incident." The cops also took the opportunity to quietly slink off. The Axolotl watched them go, making sure they didn't find someone new to bully as they left.
The Oracle shot VENDOR and the cops a puzzled look. The Axolotl said, "Don't worry about THEM. Why are you here?"
"Our seers have had premonitions. Could you enlighten us on their meaning?" the Oracle asked.
"Of course. What did they see?"
"They've received visions of an explosion in the... sky..." She trailed off, staring in wonder at the gap into Dimension Zero behind the incinerated wall. "Is... that the explosion?"
Before the Axolotl could answer, the storm cloud he'd been looking for swept past to loom over her. She flinched as her view of her god was suddenly blocked by a torrential thunderstorm, and flinched again as a sunbeam pierced the clouds to shine directly upon her and a serious voice boomed down from the tempestuous heavens: "Your people witnessed it?"
"There you are," the Axolotl said. "I was looking for you—"
The cloud pointed at him with a finger of lightning. "I'll get your statement second. Mortal's first. They don't last as long." (The Axolotl didn't think the Oracle was going to die of old age in the time it would take him to explain what he'd seen in Dimension Zero, but he didn't argue.) It said to the tentacled god, "Get those planets out to the flat worlders. The flock's already out there."
"On it." They tightened their tentacles around the worlds VENDOR had already passed over, and quickly scuttled off toward the line of blue light on the interdimensional horizon.
The storm asked the Oracle, "Can you describe what happened?"
"Uh..." She looked around nervously, trying to find the source of the voice, not realizing it came from the storm itself. "That's... what I came here to find out."
The Axolotl slipped his tail over her as an umbrella. (He needed the water, anyway; he'd been too close to too many fires today.) "Just tell it what your seers saw, like you were telling me. You may be able to help us."
"Help how?"
"None of us directly witnessed the 'explosion' your seers did."
Her eyes widened in alarm. "How do the gods not witness something?"
The Axolotl hesitated. "Even gods' eyes aren't all-seeing." He decided he didn't want the first thing he told his Oracle about the situation to be that all the gods that could have directly witnessed the "explosion" had been killed by it.
As the Oracle spoke, the storm cloud took notes in a damp notepad it kept steady with a current of air, burning the information onto the pages with a thread of lightning that meandered across the page like a Tesla coil. VENDOR, who'd backed out of "interviewing" range but not out of hearing range, partially turned to listen to her statement. (And while the other gods were distracted, the furred serpent quietly slunk off, trying to hide her spray paint as she did; the Axolotl didn't call attention to her. If the storm needed anything else from her, no doubt it had already gotten her contact info. Better that she go before the cops circled back to harass her some more.)
The Oracle said that her people's seers had seen a whole patch of the sky burning bright blue and collapsing together, the edges going black and the center growing impossibly bright, until everything sank into the center—and then went dark. Only once it was dark could they see what the light had been concealing: behind the collapsed patch of sky, there was a sea of seething colors. (The assembled group tried not to stare too obviously at the multicolored miasma that used to be Dimension Zero.) One seer had gone blind staring straight into the light, trying to discover anything about its nature.
The cloud asked, "And did she see anything important?"
The Oracle said hesitantly, as though not sure whether this detail mattered: "She said the light was... triangular."
A chill settled over the Axolotl.
The cloud stopped, perplexed. "Huh." And then it dutifully burned that information down as well.
(Maybe it was nothing; triangles were very common symbols, lots of phenomena naturally formed triangles. Or maybe what she'd seen was whatever the triangle had done to try to save his people. Or maybe, maybe....)
While the cloud was focused on taking down its notes, the Oracle dragged her eyes from the tumbling colors of Dimension Zero and turned to the Axolotl. "We're worried about what these visions mean." She switched from interviewee to interviewer, all journalistic professionalism. "What did they see? What was this explosion?"
The Axolotl focused on the question to push the triangle from his mind. His eyes began to glow, as he recited:
"The multiverse is layered planes,
Stacked to bear existence's strains.
1D pillars, 2D walls,
3D rooms in 4D halls;
On a 0D foundation:
That's reality's construction.
One wall falls into the basement,
It can shake the whole apartment.
But other walls can still load-bear
Until the gods can make repairs."
"Okay... Thank you. And—our plane is 3D?"
"That's right."
The Oracle took notes of her own: one of her four hands spun in loose loops, like an absent-minded conductor. In her physical body, she'd be holding a marker in a trance, copying down the prophecy the Axolotl had given her. No doubt it would be in the mortal papers on her world by tomorrow. The Axolotl thought it was better that the mortals know there was something wrong but that the people who had the power to do something about it were on the job, rather than just worry without answers. (Again, he was sometimes in the minority opinion. VENDOR was managing to give him the stink eye without a face.) "Is the multiverse actually structured like an apartment complex?"
"No," the Axolotl said. "It's a helpful visual metaphor." And it had rhymed with basement.
"But... this is something you can fix?"
"It is. There are gods of space and doomsday already here working to stabilize the foundation and repair the fallen wall." (VENDOR's lights flickered a bit brighter at the positive acknowledgment to the press.)
"Gods of doomsday?" She gave him an alarmed look.
"It's a misleading title. The ones here work to prevent accidental apocalypses."
"You're underselling the severity of the issue," the storm cloud muttered, not looking up from its notes. "This isn't your run-of-the-mill cosmic repair job. A second dimension's fully collapsed into the zeroth dimension. That's a plane packed into a point. That shouldn't be possible. It's destabilized everything built on top of the zeroth dimension—which means the entire multiverse." (VENDOR tried to shush it. It didn't acknowledge THEM.) "Plus, this fire is kicking our collective butts. One- and two-dimensional gods are getting incinerated, not even afterlives and underworlds are escaping the fire, reality itself is at risk of collapsing, we still don't know what's doing it—"
VENDOR let out a beep that was as loud as a car alarm. "Is there any reason the mortals need to know that!"
"Ehh... not that I can think of." The cloud glanced up from its notes. "They're powerless to do anything about it. It'd just make them worry about something that's out of their h..." Its roving sunbeams caught on the Oracle, still diligently taking notes on this out-of-control fire. "Oh."
Quietly, the Oracle asked, "You're sure the multiverse will be fine? If this fire even kills gods..."
The Axolotl paused. "I was more sure a second ago."
"It'll stand," the storm cloud said grimly, "but if we can't stop the fires, not for long. We've called out every god we can to help, but..."
"It should stand," VENDOR said quickly. "I'm sure the other walls are fine—I've personally seen to it that we're rigorous about maintaining our dimensions' structural integrity."
The cloud's sunbeam aimed ruefully at the missing wall. "Good work," it muttered.
VENDOR rounded angrily on it, "Well all the preventative cosmic inspections in the multiverse are useless if the inspectors didn't do their job right! Which they clearly didn't!"
The cloud raised a wall of fog defensively.
VENDOR paced in an angry figure 8 as THEY fumed, "It's incompetence all around! I'll bet anything it was electricians who miswired the laws of electromagnetism and shorted them out, or—or something! A properly constructed load-bearing wall imploding, much less dumping into the center of reality, just doesn't happen! And nobody noticed the danger?"
"We can't rule out the possibility of terrorism yet," the cloud said.
VENDOR rounded on the cloud to demand, "What terrorist would risk destroying the multiverse?!"
Angry lightning danced around its tornado. "How should I freaking know! A stupid one?!"
"Hah! That's all you've got?! The dimensions might have been burned by a stupid terrorist?" THEY turned on the Oracle. "Do not print that!"
Her hand froze mid-loop.
Thunder rumbled in the storm cloud. "Look, apocalypse Origin & Cause is still investigating, and the cosmic engineering inspector isn't here yet. If you'd give us five nanoseconds to do our jobs—!"
"What do you mean, isn't here yet! What's taking them so long?"
"I just put in the call—"
"That's no excuse, they ought to have been here before you called! Do engineers have time tapes or not!" VENDOR let out several irritated beeps as THEIR internal motors ground in irritation. "Probably dragging their heels because they didn't do their job properly before the dimension fell! Oh, I'm going to give them a piece of my mind." THEY charged off, still muttering, "I'll have the heads of the last inspector and the lazy subcontractors who didn't build this dimension up to code! If this does anything to jeopardize my reelection— You there, police!" (The crab cop, who'd attempted to make himself useful by eyeing the reporters still outside the cordon menacingly, started at being directly addressed again.) "I need your assistance! I need someone to hold up a phone for me."
The Axolotl gave THEM a wide berth as THEY passed. Even as a god who almost exclusively dealt with the dead, this level of devastation left the Axolotl stunned with horror. But VENDOR's biggest concern wasn't the loss of life? Nor the threat to public safety posed by the exposed and mutated Dimension Zero? It was a stupid election?
He made a mental note to look into Municipalitron's policies before the next election.
Quietly, the Oracle asked, "Are you safe here? If there's a fire that can even kill gods..."
When the storm had told the Axolotl about 2Δ's fire, it had said not even gods and ghosts made it out— The Axolotl's frills perked up. "Right, I came back here to tell it— Er, yes, I think I'm safe—but I need to tell—" He turned to the storm cloud, "I haven't told you what I saw yet!"
"Oh, right—I meant to congratulate you on coming back alive." It flipped to a new page in its notepad. "Congrats."
"You said that everyone in 2Δ died," the Axolotl said.
"They did. I can guarantee it." It grew its tornado to pantomime an expanding ring: "The readings Origin & Cause have gotten so far indicate that an enormous gravitational wave from the spontaneous combustion event's epicenter tore the universe apart. Imagine gluing a bunch of corn chips to a tablecloth, pulling the tablecloth tight from both sides, and dragging the tablecloth straight down off one end of the table. It'd shatter all the chips as they passed over the table's edge. Destroyed everyone and everything in that universe, on every plane. Landscape, mindscape, dreamscape..."
"Well," the Axolotl said, with the edge of triumph he got whenever he figured out how to rip a prosecutor's witness in half, "I found survivors. So how's that possible?"
He expected surprise. Instead, the cloud bobbed up and down in recognition, as though the Axolotl were confirming something it already knew.
On the other hand, from half a solar system away, VENDOR shouted indignantly, "I beg your pardon?!" THEY leaned away from the phone the cop was holding for THEM. "How many?" THEY began rotating through THEIR internal selection of planets.
"Two or three million," the Axolotl called back.
VENDOR huffed irritably and switched to looking through their collection of much smaller, rockier astronomical bodies. "Hardly worth a moon, much less a planet," THEY muttered. "From Dimension 2 Delta, I assume."
"No," the storm cloud said. "Everyone in 2Δ is dead. He must've found the poor suckers getting dragged down from the other dimensions."
The Axolotl stared at it. "Dragged down from what?"
Before the cloud could answer, the flock of sheep it had been speaking to earlier called, "Boss?" They had clearly just come from the direction of the bright blue line on the horizon—and their fleeces was now stained with soot. "We're losing refugees even faster in Dimension 2 Epsilon, what's the new plan?" Dimension 2 Epsilon?
The Axolotl felt a chill wind blow off the storm cloud; but its voice was just as hard as ever as it said, "I'll check it out myself." Its sunbeam pointed toward the Axolotl. "Maybe you oughta come along, I can explain it on the way." it said. "Just you." And the beam drifted down to highlight the Oracle.
"Yes, I understand."
Its bright gaze turned toward the apoc flock. "Hold down the fort until we get back."
"Got it, boss."
The Axolotl turned to the Oracle and said quietly, "You should wake up. I'll contact you with more when I can."
As strongly as he believed the mortals ought to be privy to whatever knowledge the gods had about the crisis, he didn't think traumatizing his Oracle wold benefit anyone.
####
Apparently, the Axolotl had only been told about half the situation. As they traveled along where Dimension 2 Delta used to be, the storm cloud caught him up on the rest. It had been telling the truth about everything in 2Δ being destroyed. It had simply burned too fast and too thoroughly, and it wasn't until the flames reached the edges of the universe and looped back to eat themselves that the inferno began to slow down.
Slow down... but not stop.
Why hadn't the Axolotl realized sooner? Why would there be so many firefighters on the scene, if the fire had gone out before the first ever arrived? What was the distant blue line of light he'd followed until he found the ATTF's center of operations, if not the light of still-burning stars? Why would VENDOR have come to provide new worlds for refugees, if everyone had been so sure 2Δ didn't have any refugees?
When the flames had reached the edge of 2Δ, they'd effortlessly incinerated the first dimensions bordering its edges, like a flame consuming a flash string in a magic trick, and moved straight across to the next second dimensions.
"Dimensions 2 Delta, 1 Gamma-Delta, and 1 Delta-Epsilon were completely incinerated before anyone arrived on the scene," the cloud said. "We lost 1 Alpha-Delta and 1 Delta-Zeta after we got here—it's a miracle the fire didn't cross from 2 Delta over 1 Alpha-Delta into 2 Alpha. 2 Gamma's over ninety percent gone; at this point we're trying to detach it from the closest first dimensions and hoping the flames will stop at its borders. And we're just trying to rescue who we can from 2 Epsilon and 2 Zeta, because every time we start to get the fire under control, it restarts itself."
The Axolotl felt sick. Five dimensions had been destroyed? Three more dimensions were still burning—one on the verge of being lost?
"Some of your survivors must've been dragged down into Dimension Zero," it went on. "Or into the miasma around it. I guess you must not have run into Zero itself in there, or else you wouldn't be here to tell us about it."
"I don't think Dimension Zero is in that miasma; I think the miasma is Dimension Zero. It had some properties of a spaciotemporal singularity... except it's... big. Big but—all in one place. And there's time happening, but all in one moment." He was in no fit state to try to explain this. He wasn't sure he even understood himself.
"Huh," the storm said. "Never seen anything like that before. I guess that explains where the rubble from 2Δ went, but—I have no idea how the physics in there must be working."
"I didn't see any rubble. Would there be any? If everything was destroyed—gods, souls, afterlives, dreams..."
"Subatomic ashes. The dimension's matter still oughta be somewhere."
He tried to remember if he'd seen anything that might be subatomic ashes. All he could remember was the three dimensional stars and stardust that had fallen in—and the party, and the bleeding. "If it was there, I wouldn't know how to sense it."
By the time they reached the edge of Dimension 2 Epsilon, and a 2D plane once more safely covered up the shifting border of Dimension Zero, the distant line of light had grown into a sea of pallid blue flame: the hydrogen of countless two dimensional stars burning as their universe crumbled and crunched up. In the distance, beyond the fire's perimeter, the Axolotl could see the still-unburned flat constellations and nebulas—and the divine firefighters chopping and hacking the universe in twain ahead of the fire edge. He realized that fire crews he'd seen nervously milling about earlier were just a skeleton crew: the real firefighting force was out here.
The flames seemed reluctant to lick up into the third dimension; they clung hard to the second dimensions, barely even radiating heat into the neighboring universe. There was an eerie focused calm to the gods trying to stop the fires below—all the devastation beneath them, close enough to touch, and yet not touching them. Yet.
Even as many firefighters as were out here trying to get the fire under control, they couldn't cover the entire perimeter; and so the storm cloud lead the Axolotl right up to the fire edge along a span that the stretched-thin firefighting force didn't currently have covered. They were close enough that a few of the storm's raindrops fell on the fire, making it sizzle out in some small spots, only for the inferno to roar back to life a moment later.
The storm spoke for the first time in several minutes: "I can't begin to tell you how, but it's like the fire's fighting back against us. Every time the fire crews get even a little bit under control, it erupts again. We've had to start breaking off the burning portions of reality to keep the fires from spreading to the rest of the dimension," it gestured at the gods at work cracking off an enormous slab of existence from the rest of the dimension to create a chasm half a galaxy wide between the fire and the as yet still safe portion of the universe. The separated portion buckled and bubbled in the fire like a melting piece of plastic. "And... even that's not enough. Cosmic fires aren't my speciality—but I'm told breaking a dimension is guaranteed to stop a fire. But this one just keeps finding a way to... jump across."
"What do you mean, 'jump across'?"
On the safe side of the chasm, at least a lightyear away, a perfectly well-behaved solar system randomly burst into a geyser of flames.
"Oh."
Firefighters rushed to the newly burning star. Several planets had already blackened, curled up, and crumbled to ashes. The ashes rained down into Dimension Zero.
The storm cloud turned their path toward the new fire, the Axolotl following close behind. "They don't even always pop up near the fire edge like this." (As though a flame jumping an entire lightyear away could be called "near.") "Half a dozen popped up at random throughout Dimension 2 Gamma before we even realized how this fire moved. And as if that isn't bad enough, if the fire isn't targeting mortals, I'll eat my fedora."
This time, the Axolotl decided not to tempt fate by asking how a fire could target anything.
The firefighters struggled to contain the new fire with a line of 3D flame-retardant foam. They weren't even trying to put the fire out, he realized; they'd given up the solar system for lost. They were only trying to keep the fire back from one planet: a disc-shaped world, already cracked from the way the heat had warped and bent this dimension's surface, surrounded by billions of glittery flecks. People. His frills flicked forward in alarm.
Rescuers were using planet-sized planes to scoop the bewildered two-dimensional people off their endangered dimension, like spatulas trying to rescue a pancake from a skillet in the fires of hell, and handing them off to other rescuers to relocate to one of the refugee planets VENDOR had supplied. But as the storm and Axolotl caught up the fire somehow found a way past the solid wall of 3D foam to ignite the moon orbiting the hapless planet.
And as if that wasn't enough, it sprung up on the people, too. The screaming populations of entire towns spontaneously caught fire. To his horror, the Axolotl understood now what the storm had meant by the fires targeting mortals. Reality warped and bent beneath them, twisting, melting; burning people were crushed together by the distortions in reality and fused together into dozen-mouthed wailing bodies. The overburdened plane of reality ripped and disintegrated like threadbare fabric over a candle, and people fell screaming into Dimension Zero before they could be caught.
The storm cloud flinched back with a flash of lightning. "Shoot—it is getting faster."
The Axolotl automatically lunged forward to help them. A split-second wall of shrieking lightning blocked his path and a gust of wind pushed him back. "Don't," the storm snapped. "Leave it to the professionals."
"Sorry." The Axolotl backed up a safe distance with the storm cloud, stomach twisting. "Is there any way I can help—?"
"No," the storm cloud said quickly. "This fire can pop up anywhere—it's already caught four firefighters, and they're trained to deal with this stuff. We can't risk it spreading to the third dimension."
He hated not helping—but unfortunately, he understood. "How did you put out the fires on the firefighters?"
"We didn't. We threw them into Dimension Zero."
The storm was right; there was nothing natural about a fire that could kill gods.
"I've gotta go find out the latest," it said. "Can you stay out of trouble for a few minutes?"
"Yes. I promise." Although it might be the hardest thing he'd ever done.
The storm cloud left the Axolotl; and the Axolotl watched the fire.
####
It went against every instinct in his body not to reach out to scoop up the falling dead.
He'd worked for eons as a psychopomp before switching to a career that gave him more of a voice in what happened to the souls he escorted. He'd met billions of species with billions of different ways of dying; he wasn't squeamish around corpses, injuries, rot, disease. He was comfortable around death. Heck, he and death had each other's phone numbers for emergencies—they regularly crossed paths at professional networking events.
But there were some deaths worse than others, and there were fates worse than death. As he watched, an oval with thin little arms plummeted into a direction it couldn't even see, its body burning up; and then its ghost burned up, too. It would never join the eternal dance party, and the Axolotl wasn't sure whether it was the lucky one.
As he watched, the Axolotl noticed something strange. Like any populated world, there were probably millions to trillions of different species around this one, although at a glance the Axolotl could only spy a handful. But although all of them were eventually caught by the flames, there was only one species that seemed to be victim of spontaneous combustion—and that seemed to be falling into Dimension Zero: the people that looked like living geometric shapes.
When the storm returned, it was quieter; even its tornado spun more slowly. The Axolotl got the sense it hadn't received good news.
But it didn't share what it had received. It said, "I've seen my fair share of apocalypses, but I've never seen anything like this before. Whatever this fire is, it's not natural." The eye of the storm watched one of the melting people falling like cinders into the center of the multiverse, until even its sunbeam couldn't pierce the miasma. "Ten to one, I'd bet you something intelligent is doing that."
"Your stupid terrorist?"
The cloud laughed ruefully. "Yeah." It watched a moment longer; then sighed out a long gust of wind and tried to rally some of its earlier stoicism. "So. Those people you saw in Dimension Zero must be the mortals from the dimensions around 2Δ getting dragged in by the fire. You can see how they've been peeling off their planes when the flames get 'em. I'm amazed they survived the fall into Dimension Zero."
"Survived" maybe wasn't the word the Axolotl would choose; but he didn't know how to begin to explain the horrors he'd seen down there.
He tore his eyes from the terrible rain of corpses. "Not all of them," he said. "I know for a fact at least one of the survivors is from 2Δ. I know him. I've met him before."
"You have." The storm managed to look dubious at this. "You're sure it wasn't an alternate of the same guy from a neighboring dimension?"
"I talked to him in Dimension 2 Delta. He remembered meeting me. It's him."
"Huh." The storm processed that silently. "Nope. I've got no explanation for that."
####
(Thanks for reading!! If the art lured you in and this is the first chapter you read, this is part 2 of a 5-or-6 part fic about the Axolotl in the immediate aftermath of the Euclidean Massacre. Here's part one if you missed it. I'm posting one chapter a week, Fridays 5pm CST, so stick around if you wanna watch the Axolotl slowly discover just how much of a monster that silly triangle he likes really is.
It's ALSO chapter 62 of an ongoing post-canon post-TBOB very-reluctantly-human Bill fic. I'm gonna fix the chapter numbering once I know how many chapters this plot is. If you're not sold on the idea of a human Bill fic, I've also got a oneshot about normal triangle Bill escaping the Theraprism if you wanna read that.
If this is NOT your first time here and you already knew all of the above: nobody commented on the fact that I was calling Bill's dimension "Dimension 2 Delta" rather than just "the second dimension"—but I hope that, somewhere in your hearts, some of you were wondering what I had to differentiate his dimension from that necessitated labeling it Delta. :)
I think this is probably the least horrifying out of all the chapters. Because of that, I'm worried it's kinda boring, but that might just be because I'm comparing it to the undead corpse party. And also Bill isn't here.
It's also the least edited chapter because I may or may not have spent the last three days drawing the second dimension burning instead of writing and ran 30 minutes past posting time doing last minute rewrites lmao. So uh, lemme know if there are any typos, sentences that don't make sense because I changed how I wanted to phrase them halfway through and didn't notice, weird internal contradictions, whatever.
But more importantly let me know what y'all think!!)
#the axolotl#gravity falls axolotl#the book of bill#gravity falls#gravity falls fic#gravity falls fanart#fanart#my art#my writing#bill goldilocks cipher#(i think this is only the second chapter I've written so far that features ZERO Bill.)#(which is strange considering how heavily Bill's influence looms over the chapter)#(should i go ahead and tag him anyway since he is such an enormous invisible presence? yeah sure why not)#bill cipher
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360
[ song inspo ! ] 360 by park jihoon
[ author's note ! ] 3 6 oh zero take a shot for meeeee
[ summary ! ] when you and your husband get called as a backup, youd never guess how that 'date' would end ...
[ warnings ! ] suggestive + allusions to sex sigh SOURY!!! since its agent au theres violence, guns and shooting, blood, mention of drugs n gangsters, kidnapping n stuff, reader is nauseous, joke or two about dying (? i promise it makes sense), swearing, sliiightly angsty i guess :3
[ word count ! ] +- 4k
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seungcheol watched you carefully as you wandered around the kitchen. you grabbed two cups and turned around to join him on the couch.
just by his smug look in his eye you could tell he was thinking about something.
you put down the steaming cups on the coffee table and crossed your arms, standing in front of it.
“what?” you asked, a playful smile forming on your husband’s face.
“nothing. just admiring my wife” he hummed and as if his legs weren’t spread enough, he pushed them a little wider. he patted his thigh with a boyish grin.
“c’mere. i missed you” he whined, brows furrowing in a pleasing expression.
“seungcheol, you remember what happened last time. i will not explain to the doctor once again how you strained your leg” you grunted, recalling the last time when you… well, safe to say, in a rush of emotions forgot about cheol’s injury. then you had to rush to the hospital, both of you almost half naked and your state leaving very little to the imagination. the doctor nagged seungcheol to slow down with physical activities and you had to shush your husband before he blurted out something that would embarrass you even more.
“ah, i’m better now. just come here” he giggled and pulled you onto his lap. you shifted and rested your knees on both sides, not putting all of your weight on him. “it’s just us. we should enjoy the free time we got”
“mhm. i feel like you’re getting bored rotting inside the house” you hummed, arms wrapping around his neck. seungcheol looked at you with hearts in his eyes, shaking his head.
“no, not at all. i love having you all to myself” he replied and before you realized, he pulled you down to rest on his lap. you just rolled your eyes playfully, shaking your head in disbelief.
due to his injury, he was put aside from his duties. and you, being his wife, had to take care of him.
both you and seungcheol were agents. your job required a lot of running and just being physical. so naturally he wasn’t able to execute it.
time passed and he started getting better but his doctor advised to rest for another month.
that way he also developed many new hobbies. crotcheting, making candles, pottery, baking… you could swear he tried everything.
“i could get used to it, you know” he sighed, nuzzling his head in the crook of your neck. his soft locks tickled your skin as you played with the hair at the back of his neck “i love our job, i really do. but spending time together–“
your right one interrupted the peaceful moment, you and cheol pulling away at the same time. he looked at you shocked and you leaned back to grab the phone. his hands remained on your hips the whole time.
“yeah?” you answered, putting the phone on speaker.
“hi, doves. hopefully im not interrupting?” jeonghan asked in a slightly teasing voice.
“yeah, actually. we were making passionate love” seungcheol grunted and you just smacked his arm, giggling.
“don’t listen to this man child. what’s up?” you scoffed and just flicked his nose.
“i know you can’t do shit but we’re running low on people. jun and hao got sent to china and we’re just helpless. we need you, y/n. it’s a serious matter” jeonghan’s voice was stern, a little pleading.
“got it. i’ll be at the base in thirty” you said and were about to get off your husband’s lap when he took your phone
“im going too”
“what?!” you and jeonghan yelped at the same time. you smacked his shoulder yet again.
“you heard me. i’m the captain, after all. we’ll be there in fifteen” seungcheol ordered and hang up.
you saw his eyes darken a bit – you knew that. adrenaline rushed through his veins, he was itching to be back.
“you’re insufferable” you grunted and went to change into your work clothes.
“for fuck’s sake… and what are you even doing here?” jihoon crossed his arms, eyeing seungcheol up and down.
“told him not to go” you grunted and didn’t even bother to look at your husband. you had to weapon up real quick “his doctor too”
“i can run, chill out. it’s not like start breakdancing. my injury is 99% healed” cheol grunted, the atmosphere in the room already tense.
“i’d rather have kyungmin take your spot” chan snickered, trying to ease the tension. kyungmin was his nephew who just started his training to be a special agent one day, just like him… and you.
“hey, leave kyungmin alone. he’s my baby” you grinned. you really loved that kid, he was just like a happy virus. the sole sight of his cute face made you want to squish his cheeks and bite–
“okay, let’s just go. y/n, you’ll lead the group. seungcheol, you’ll take her side, i’ll explain the details on the way” jeonghan massaged his temples and left the room.
“someone’s pissed” cheol teased. jeonghan took over for the time being of seungcheol’s absence and it seemed like he already wanted to have his leader back.
as a group of special agents, your tasks and duties varied. sometimes it would be protecting someone, sometimes taking down criminals… a new day, a new surprise.
“okay, we got called as backup. there are hostages and they are the main priority, alright? one of them is the health minister’s daughter. the location is an abandoned factory, the kidnappers just wanted money. however, we got informed that they are the local drug gang we’ve been trying to locate ever since you and cheol got time off” jeonghan explained once in the car, eyeing you in the mirror “they are really reckless and unpredictable. there was no connection between the daughter and them and despite their illegal actions, they still decided to show themselves and kidnap her. because of that the minister sent a government group too, they’ll help us too”
“don’t worry, i’ll protect you” seungcheol said, the buzz of adrenaline in his veins making it hard to stay still. as if himself alone could replace the whole additional group. but…
he missed this. he missed the thrill of danger, the action, the tension. he just loved this job way too much and no amount of crocheted socks or baked cinnamon rolls could replace this.
“take a shot for me, hm?” you hummed, cupping his jaw. seungcheol’s face scrunched in a soft smile.
this saying was what got you closer. when you were new in the crew, you and cheol didn’t really… enjoy each other. so you two would often bicker and joke about letting the other down (which was cruel if you thought about it but on the other hand… you had no feelings towards him whatsoever. how the turn tables). after your first successful mission, you said it too when you were celebrating. so seungcheol drank a shot, holding eye contact with you. something deep about his gaze turned the phrase more intimate, turning into a promise of protecting the other with your own life.
“you’re gonna manifest it one day and i’m gonna kill myself if one of you dies” dokyeom suddenly spoke up and you just snorted, turning your head towards him.
“you’re being dramatic” you snickered, resting your head on seungcheol’s arm.
“no, no. he’s right. we missed you like crazy, you’re kinda like a parental figure to me” chan stuck his head out from his seat behind you, sending you a toothy grin.
“don’t get too used to this. this drama queen still needs to rest” you pointed at seungcheol “but, jeonghan, tell us more about the drug gang. leaders, weak points maybe…?”
seungcheol and you left the car, not going too far. jeonghan handed you both a walkie talkie and then moved a bit away to test it.
“coups, do you copy?” jeonghan checked. you haven’t hear your husband’s code name in a while.
suddenly, it all hit you. you’re back in the field, gun and knives attached to your hip. your bulletproof jacket on your chest, heavy boots hugging your feet. there’s life on the scale, and you’re responsible for saving those hostages.
a wave of nausea washed over you, bending in half.
“fuck, y/n, are you okay?” seungcheol asked; his voice shook a bit, taken aback by your sudden reaction.
“i got nervous all of a sudden, i might throw up” you groaned, clutching your stomach.
“hey, it’s okay” he kneeled down next to you, eyeing your pale face. rubbing your back in a reassuring motion, he didn’t notice others sending you worried looks.
“i’m fine” you muttered and took a few deep breaths, the sick feeling fading away.
your husband didn’t take his eyes off you, nodding reassuringly.
“do you want some water?” he asked, big bambi eyes staring at you.
“no, thanks. i just… the realisation hit me, i wasn’t prepared mentally to come back so suddenly. but i’m fine, don’t worry” you smiled softly and patted his arm “i promise”
“you better because you come in like, in ten. you have everything? remember: hostages are the priority” jeonghan’s smooth voice suddenly boomed from behind you and you just nodded. a loud churn turned in your stomach, your breakfast suddenly wanting to escape.
but you swallowed hardly and rushed to your spot. seungcheol followed you and before you had to head in, he pressed a quick kiss on your lips.
the old magazine was quite a messy location but luckily you were able to pass through it unnoticed if you tried enough.
on jeonghan’s signal you went in, leading the group. dividing into small groups to locate the aim, you placed your feet surely on the ground.
wonwoo and jun who were with you were as quiet as mice.
“got anything?” vernon’s voice rang in your in-ear. you replied quickly, deciding to check the rest of the corridor you got and to return to one of the squares.
it was overgrown by various plants, clearly a sign of abandonment of this place. it had a couple of benches, most of them ready to fall apart upon a small movement. it was probably an area where the workers could take a break, back in the day when the factory was working.
it had four exits, by two of which your group came in.
“what now?” chan asked jeonghan through the walkie-talkie and just when there was a buzz of an incoming answer, you heard seungcheol’s voice.
“a movement at twelve, i saw through one of the windows. we’ll be there in a moment”
in a flash you aimed your gun at the door in front of you, waiting for them to open.
seungcheol could see the square thanks to most of the walls not surviving the test of time and simply falling apart. and also most of the windows were broken due to some hooligan’s actions.
“get ready, don’t shoot yet” you ordered, shifting the weight of your body on your right leg in a defensive position.
and surely, the metal doors soon clinged open.
your jaw tensed when you saw one of the gangsters, holding a hostage. and a gun to their head. it was a boy, he looked as if he could be kyungmin’s age. it made your brows furrow.
“took you long enough. we were starting to get bored” the man grunted. they knew you were coming, they definitely had a plan. you swallowed, unsure what to say. however, the man was faster.
“who’s the leader of this pathetic little group?” he asked.
you proudly stepped out, not wasting a second. the aggressive man just pushed his gun closer to the hostage’s head.
then, seuncheol entered the room, aiming at the man as well.
“drop the weapon and follow me” he snarled “unless you want my colleague to shoot the minister’s daughter”
“y/n…” jeonghan warned you, not even sure why – he knew you wouldn’t listen.
you slowly kneeled down and tossed your gun on the grass, raising back up with your hands in a defensive posture.
“i’m going with her” cheol’s voice boomed behind you, shortly followed by the sound of a dropping gun.
no one noticed but the gang member realized the bligning golden rings on your fingers. a teasing smile bloomed on his face as he nodded.
“welcome” he just mumbled.
“let me see her” you ordered and the man just turned around, silently telling you to follow him.
“don’t do anything stupid, you’re unharmed! both of you!” jeonghan hissed through the in-ear.
seungcheol’s heart sped up and he looked at your group through his shoulder for the last time.
“the other group has to follow them, now! use the right wing, don’t get caught. use the second exit, the one i showed you on the map. go!” jeonghan ordered.
“what’s your plan? you’re surrounded” you blurted out. the man just snickered.
“you’re a dumb bitch if you think i’ll tell you that”
“motherfucker” you heard cheol’s hiss and just sent him a nagging look. the man either didn’t care nor didn’t hear.
soon enough after entering and passing through some rooms and corridors, the guy lead you to a room on the second floor.
the hostages were tied there, sunlight shining through a half broken window on their frightened faces.
“now that was dumb to follow us all alone. we’ve got two more to our collection. well, you definitely won’t be as worth as her” the man spat on the floor next to a blonde girl, nudging her with his foot.
“tell me how much you want. we can solve this without hurting anyone” you pleaded, eyeing the guards in the room. then, you casted an eye over the hostages. huh yunjin, the daughter of the minister. jeonghan showed you her pictures. you also saw two young boys, a man who you saw before and a woman… with her baby.
a baby.
your jaw clenched. your husband noticed that and only sent you a calming look.
“a woman of business. now we’re talking” the gangster huffed and followed your line of sight. he smirked upon noticing you’re looking at the small baby.
“i see them! second floor, west side. the hostages are on the middle, there’s more or less five people. i can’t see the whole room” you heard jihoon’s voice in your in-ear - he took the sniping spot alongside dokyeom and seungkwan.
“how much do you want?” you asked, finally looking up. the man suddenly started laughing, grabbing his walkie-talkie.
“i’ll show you something, listen closely” he smiled disgustingly and started talking to the walkie-talkie “rooftops, how we’re feeling? did you take down those ants already?”
“on it, sir” the buzz sent shivers down your spine. they had snipers too?
wait, rooftops?
“oh shit–!” jihoon’s yelp rang in your ear.
“jihoon-ah!” jeonghan’s voice was full of fear and you felt your heart speeding up when your friend didn’t reply.
you stared at the aggressors, your chest rising up and down.
the silence was so loud, your racing heart tearing apart. should you save the hostages and remain calm or should you–
“fucking asshole missed”
a shaky sigh left your lips and you glared at the leader of the gang.
“what do you want?” you hissed, jaw clenched. your hand was itching to reach for your hidden weapon.
“see, misses… life is not all about love, money, fame. although it is fun that way” the man tsked, circling around the hostages. they were looking at you pleadingly.
you shifted your fingers, calculating how much time you have. if the snipers could take the rest of the guards down before you reach out for your hidden knife.
you caught seungcheol’s stern gaze, he could read you like an open book.
“don’t” he mouthed. you just cursed mentally and raised your eyes to the sky.
“you know, we’re doing it because, well… money. but also, i got a little bored” the man spoke up, standing still and observing you two.
jeonghan was right, this guy is a psycho. bored? he was bored and decided to give those poor kids trauma.
“but thanks to you my game just got a whole lotta entertaining!” he opened his arms widely with a grin. you wanted to rip it off his face.
“hang on in there, we’re almost there!” jeonghan said. he could hear everything that was going on, including your rapid breaths.
“because if i’m not mistaken… you’re married, hm? lovebirds… quite a romantic date idea” he chuckled slyly, fox-alike.
the sound of a gun reloading made you take a step closer to seungcheol.
fuck.
you usually take off your wedding rings. exactly for the risk of such a situation. and also because it was more comfortable to hold a weapon with a free hand.
“so, mr. husband. choose. her…” the gang leader pointed his gun at yunjin, her eyes glossy. then, he painfully slowly aimed his weapon at you. right between your eyes “... or her”
“fuck. where are you?” jeonghan asked the group.
you stopped breathing, ringing in your ears getting hard to bare.
“her, pick her” the daughter of the minister whined, almost begged. tears pooled in your eyes - this poor girl wanted to save you.
“yunjin, listen to me. you’ll live. don’t panic” you reassured her, shaking your head.
seungcheol stayed silent, swallowing hard. in theory, the choice was easy: you; he’d always choose you.
but he didn’t want anyone to die. especially this young girl that still had her whole life in front of her. he knew the trouble everyone could get in if anything happened to her. both you, him and his whole team.
“come on” the gang member teased.
“shoot me”
you whipped your head at seungcheol, mouth falling agape. he was serious.
“cheol, what the fuck are you even talking about!” you yelled, trying to grab his hand but the loud tsk made you halt.
“a man of honor…” the guy started.
“boss, i see a group of people approaching the room” his walkie-talkie speaking made you freeze. you’re doomed.
“see, normally i’d make you suffer a bit more. maybe even give you time to say your last goodbye. but since your team is coming, i have no options left” the guy grinned and moved his gun at seungcheol, lowering his hand a bit.
then it all happened in a blink of an eye, your heart fuelling your limbs.
when seungcheol didn’t feel any pain but he heard the gunshot, he thought it was the adrenaline blocking his sensors. only when your body surged forwards to cover him, it was too late for him to react.
along with your painful yelp, the door swung open and your team came to rescue you and the hostages.
with the rest of your strength you reached for your hidden knife and threw it at one of the guards who was getting ready to shoot.
“hey, hey. y/n… fuck, are you stupid?” cheol kneeled down, panic in his ebony irises. he held your body, sticky blood covering his palms. he was freaking out, only being able to observe how your eyes are starting to lose their light.
“take a shot for me, remember?” you smiled softly, bringing your hand to his cheek.
“no, no, no. that’s why he was supposed to shoot me! we… you, i… you can’t–” he breathed out, tears filling his eyes.
he didn’t realize the fight that was going on, luckily jihoon and the rest of the snipers were taking care of your backs. the voices around him blurred out; fell silent on his ears as he was only focused on you.
your eyelids drooping, your limbs getting lighter. he held your wrist that was cupping his cheek, the other hand looking for the wound to stop the bleeding at least for a moment.
“i love you, cheol”
the light in the room was unbearable. but so was the silence. the horrible, bone shattering silence.
“how is she?” jeonghan asked quietly, stepping into the room with a doctor, mingyu.
seungcheol just swallowed, shrugging his shoulders. your face was pale, your arm bandaged. he already wiped the dried blood off your cheek. most importantly, you were breathing.
“good question” seungcheol murmured, squeezing your hand.
mingyu looked at his papers and clicked his pen, humming.
“i’m fine, actually”
jeonghan’s soft gasp was followed by your husband’s yelp. he lurched forward to hug you, careful not to cause any pain to your arm.
you giggled into his shoulder, wrapping your free hand around his back.
“you gave us a heart attack” jeonghan snickered and the doctor just smiled. seungcheol leaned away a bit and you brushed off the hair from his forehead. visible relief was painted all over his face.
“sorry. couldn’t let my hubby die before me” you snickered and jeonghan just tsked in disapproval “also, how…”
“everyone is alive, sound and safe. well, except some of the gang members. we captured the leader, who did manage to escape but… um, your husband put the pedal to the metal, let’s just say that” he snickered.
“good. very good. i’m glad they are all safe” you smiled and interlocked your fingers with cheol’s.
“if i may interrupt…” the doctor cleared his throat and you all nodded, allowing him to read his notes “everything is fine. you got shot in the arm, luckily above the bone. you did lose a lot of blood but everything, as i said, is fine. the baby too”
“that’s good” you grinned and halted, your smile fading. you blinked twice, furrowing your brows. seungcheol didn’t seem to understand “wait, what baby?”
now it was mingyu’s turn to frown. jeonghan’s eyes were as wide as plates.
“you’re pregnant, mrs choi. i thought you knew?” he frowned, observing the pure shock on your faces.
“i... we… baby?” seungcheol choked out, pointing at himself and then you.
“well that’s how babies are made, right?” the doctor snickered.
“oh my god, you weren’t joking with the passionate love making” jeonghan groaned dramatically and you just fellt your face go red.
“no! i mean… wait, how… how… which week…?” you asked, looking at your husband. he was still clearly processing it.
“ninth week. it’s normal that you couldn't see the belly” the doctor explained and just smiled softly “well, i’ll leave you alone now. if you have more questions or want to do extra check up, or usg for the baby, just let us know. and congratulations, i suppose”
he sent you a toothy smile and left.
you could see cogs turning in jeonghan’s head.
“so that would mean… three months, more or less… oh, ew, someone was celebrating their birthday!” he fake gagged and your eyes widened.
“you’re gross, get out!” you laughed and he just snickered.
“i will. let me spread the news tho” he smiled and left.
seungcheol kept staring at you, lips parted.
“cheol?” you asked softly, sitting up. his fingers traced the cold metal of your wedding ring in an absentminded motion.
“y/n… we’re going to be parents” he whispered, tears pricking his eyes.
he let them flow, smile breaking on his lips.
“we are” you agreed happily. sure, life was messy with your job - and maybe it was a sign to change your profession to something less life risking. but during cheol’s injury you got a taste of the time alone.
it was nice. peaceful, embodiment of love.
and now, there’s gonna be an additional member of your small family. maybe it won’t be as peaceful as it was with just the two of you. but it’ll definitely be worth it.
seungcheol leaned in and cupped your face, surprising you with a passionate lips. wet tears stained your cheeks and you weren’t sure anymore if they were yours or his. one thing was certain, though: they were tears of joy.
your life will turn 360 degrees now but with your husband by your side, you know it’ll be perfect.
svt masterlist | event masterlist
taglist. @mirxzii ,, @primoppang ,, @l3visbby ,, @nicholasluvbot ,, @planetkiimchi ,,
@weird-bookworm ,, @slytherinshua ,, @kazmura ,, @laylasbunbunny ,, @mon2sunjinsuver ,,
@eternalgyu ,, @rubywonu ,, @haecien ,, @mine-gyu ,, @nonononranghaee
#🎧 november jam session!#seventeen imagines#seventeen scenarios#svt fluff#svt x reader#seventeen#svt carat#svt#svt imagines#seventeen scoups#svt scoups#scoups x reader#scoups#seungcheol x you#seungcheol fluff#seungcheol imagines#seungcheol x reader#seungcheol scenarios#seungcheol fanfic#seventeen seungcheol#choi seungcheol#svt seungcheol#seventeen x you#seventeen x reader#seventeen fluff#svt au#seungcheol au
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𝐁𝐀𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒
summary: just some small baking hcs because i couldn't help but think about these guys while doing some baking myself
pairings: all students x gn! reader (can be read as either romantic or platonic, except for ortho)
warnings: just fluff, there is no concrete trope here, just random brain worms; reader is not specified to be mc/yuu
a/n: peer reviewed by @daisystwistedgarden who woke up to me spamming our dms with these ♡
twisted wonderland masterlist
HEARTSLABYUL
Riddle would be the most attentive student ever, taking notes on the exact ratio and the time you spent mixing everything together. Please don’t give him measurements like “what feels right”, he wants to know the exact amount down to the gram. One day, he wants to bake something for you by himself, but for now he’s content with sharing what you made together over a cup of tea.
Normally, the delicious smell of pastries and cakes comes wafting out of Heartslabyul’s kitchen with Trey at the centre of it, so the first time he comes to your dorm to see you baking, he’s pleasantly surprised. Obviously, he’s liked you before but now he looks forward to swapping recipes and spending afternoons side by side in the kitchen.
Cater would be posting all over magicam how cute you are and would fill his stories with candids of you kneading dough, taking stuff out of the oven, etc. He’d try to hide how flustered he gets if you tell him you made something savoury because you remembered he’s not fond of sweets.
The Adeuce combo would loiter around your kitchen, snacking half your dough without contributing any help whatsoever (Deuce tries, Ace never had any intention to from the start). One thing’s for sure: if Ace or Deuce ever have to bake an apology tart for an unbirthday party again, they already know who they’re recruiting. It’s also a great reason to stop by your dorm more often than they already do.
He would never admit it, if you made something for him, Ace would feel his heart beat a little faster. Instead he’d poke your cheek and make a nonchalant comment about how you must be so in love with him that you couldn’t stop thinking about him but the way his delivery stutters a little and the fact he can’t quite meet your eyes gives him away. Don’t mention if his ears turn red either (or tease him about it~).
Contrary to his roommate, Deuce is adorably honest about his appreciation for your hard work. You made this for him? Just because? There are a few seconds where his brain buffers while deciding what to do, would hugging you be too forward? But wouldn’t bowing be too formal? It’s honestly very cute to watch how his face flushes a colour that’s a nice contrast to the blue mark next to his eye as he stammers out his gratitude, especially if you’re not (yet) dating or haven’t been for long.
SAVANACLAW
Leona was probably lazing around your dorm already and you woke him up from a nap with the noise of kitchen equipment and the different scents filling the air. He’d slink over to watch you work, offering unhelpful comments while leaning his entire weight on you. Because of his upbringing his palette is obnoxiously refined but he’s the one helping himself to more of what you just took out of the oven, so he’s not sly.
Ruggie can smell that you’re baking something good before even entering your dorm. Sure, most beastmen have a keen sense of smell but when it comes to food, nobody zeroes in quite as fast as the hyena. He’ll join you in the kitchen under the guise of learning a new recipe from you- and he is! It’s just that he’s also sneaking a treat or two off your baking tray.
Jack would help carry and stir stuff for you but he’d mostly keep to the background and let you do your thing, afraid to accidentally ruin the pastries or what you’re making, his nose and tail do twitch at the pleasant scent though. Since he’s an athlete, Jack makes sure to watch his diet but he’d never refuse to try what you made.
OCTAVINELLE
As the head of Mostro Lounge, Azul is always on the lookout for new items to add to the menu, so he takes quite the interest in your recipes. With a few tweaks here and there… For him to enjoy them in private though, he’ll study the recipe for different reasons. Of course he will try everything you make at least once, but the housewarden is still very conscious of his appearance, so he’ll enjoy your baking in measured amounts.
Jade, much like his childhood friend, is very intrigued by what you’re making but not out of business reasons. The eel is much more interested in how your recipes compare to his native ones and he’s already thinking of new things to try the next time around. As with everything, Jade loves to tease and fluster you, so of course he has to show you how to perfectly roll out the dough by caging you between himself and the counter.
Perhaps you should think twice about letting Floyd into your kitchen. If he asks to let him help you, chances are he’s in a good mood, which is positive for his enthusiasm but detrimental to keeping your dorm clean. Sure, the eel is quite competent when it comes to preparing food but by the time your tray is in the oven, you, him and the floor are covered in flour.
SCARABIA
The first time you offered something homemade to Kalim, he had to refuse with a begging side glance to Jamil. Afterwards, he reasoned with Jamil that if he just joined you in baking, he could be sure of everything that went into the treats and so his vice housewarden relented. Against what people might think, Kalim is not actually half bad at baking, you just have to walk him through all the steps slowly. He might never have baked something himself before but he makes up for it with enthusiasm and the will to learn, plus he makes the whole thing super fun from beginning to end.
The first time Jamil sees you baking, it’s late in the evening and he just dragged himself over to your dorm for some much needed rest. But when he sees you working around the oven, there’s a split second where all the alarm bells in his head go off to thwart impending doom, until he remembers that you probably know what you’re doing and he relaxes. Old habits and all that. After that day, he’ll join you in the kitchen from time to time, if his schedule allows it. There’s no doubt about his capabilities, so Jamil’s always welcome to join you but he also appreciates that you don’t expect him to, which makes this a nice way to wind down for him. Also gets easily flustered if you make something for him and him only.
POMEFIORE
Vil would also compliment your hard work. Sure, he might offer some constructive criticism (if he knows it won’t hurt your feelings) so you can improve even further the next time around, but he’s also not hesitating to point out everything that deserves praise. He might click his tongue if you get cream on your face but will gently wipe it away and dust the flour off your clothes with a fond smile.
Rook is just as excited and eccentric as always, raving about the beauty of baking and how lovely you are for creating something so delicious. It doesn’t matter if you’re making the simplest cookies known to man, to him it might as well be a three tier cake.
Epel would be so happy if you made something with the apples his family sent him, but he appreciates it either way. He’s also really talented when it comes to decorating -probably because of his years spent carving apples- and he feels really manly when you ask him to stir something, knead the dough or carry ingredients.
IGNIHYDE
Idia is probably running through every anime and dating sim with a baking arc he’s ever watched/ played and his hair tinges pink as you invite him over. You’re at the intimacy level already to unlock this super domestic route? He really wants to save state irl, so he can keep coming back to this, both in case he messes up and to relive this moment.
Ortho would be a sweetheart, setting timers and looking up recipes and techniques if you’re stuck. He compliments your work and laments lightheartedly that he can’t smell or taste anything, saying he’ll pester Idia into inventing olfactory and gustatory receptors, so he can get the full experience next time.
DIASOMNIA
Congrats, you now have a very curious fae prince on your hands. Not only is he studying your recipes and ingredients with great interest, Malleus is just as fascinated by baking utensils running on electricity. Do yourself a favour and invite him for tea afterwards where you can serve your treats, he will be puddy in your hands.
Watch your bowls carefully when Lilia is around while you’re baking. There is a good chance the fae will try adding a few ingredients of his own and it will not end well for anyone involved. He’ll playfully pout about you rejecting his help and deflecting from the topic but a second later he’s laughing about how cute you are for wanting to make something for him by yourself.
Silver would fall asleep when surrounded by the good smells, the warmth of the oven preheating, your lovely voice and the kitchen sounds. He can’t help it, it’s such a relaxing environment and it puts him at ease and therefore also to sleep. But, ever the charming knight, he would help you clean up afterwards and very genuinely compliment your hard work with a soft smile.
Sebek will yap up a storm on how ‘your human recipes can’t hold a candle to briar valley’s supreme cuisine’ but he’s oddly docile once he actually taste tests. If you tease him about his earlier statements, he will flush red, trying to save face but also not wanting to lie about liking your baking.
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well. here she is. miss Leigh Stasik.
trans woman. stubborn, incorrigible, eccentric. communist; she has leftist in-fighting with herself on the regular. a cannibal; she has no moral qualms about this, and its both a bit of a spiritual thing and a bit of a pragmatic thing. medic (not a doctor. no medical license). she knows for sure she had some kind of significant personality change from being shot in the head, but she doesn't remember what she was like exactly before it happened, it all became this kind of distant memory soup. shes originally from west new cali, but she grew very attached to the mojave. and has a lot of contempt for the ncr. She Will Serve Crack Before She Serves This Country. thank god the army discriminates against transsexuals etc. zero tolerance for the legion, obviously.
she firmly believes she is not nice, or kind, or compassionate, but instead her actions and her general sense of justice stem from her simply doing whats the most logical and objectively beneficial. it may be true to some extent, but she might also have a wee bit of ocd of the "i am a horrible person whos at all times like 2 seconds away from committing atrocities" variety.
shes a SCIENTIST. unofficially. she doesnt have a degree nor a chosen field of study. she makes her own hrt and other mysterious concoctions, including designer chems. which she claims she ingests injects etc not for recreational purposes, but to Enhance Her Powers And Possibilities. she reads old world books about psychology so she can manipulate people better. and makes weird contraptions and doohickeys while high. shes a HACKER of course and hacks terminals and systems for fun and just to see if she can.
her stats are out there due to implants and intense training, originally they were rather average. in-game she wears combat armor mk 2, but i see her having spruced it up like this. her main weapon is the ycs/186, the unique gauss rifle, but before that she used a modded plasma pistol. which she very much enjoyed the silly appearance of. because it was so small and with so much shit tacked on and she could just hold it in one hand like a mutated revolver like Hands up motherfucker bang bang bang lol. her melee weapon of choice is the machete gladius, but she's been training to be able to wield a thermic lance.
in my head the trajectory of her actions and the fate of the mojave that follows is different from what you can do with the game, because leigh could only go for The Secret Leftist Route Which Was Supposed To Be In The Game But We Were Robbed Of It.
boone was the first friend she made after leaving goodsprings and their relationship is particularly notable. they are Comrades, Siblings-In-Arms, Worsties (like besties but fucked up). theyve seen each other at their worst. they annoy each other on purpose. theyve had serious ideological clashes with each other and some ways in which boone perceives the world drive leigh absolutely nuts. they're ride or die for each other. theyre the kind of comfortable around each other where she'll be on the toilet and smoking a cig with the door open and talking to him, while he's naked sitting on the floor removing stitches from his leg. she's done surgery without anesthesia on him. he's projectile vomited blood on her from being poisoned by cazadores. she strongly encourages him to become a traitor to the ncr and to take part in the revolution and the formation of the new independent mojave alliance. somehow, it works on him in the end. shamefully they kinda like snuggling... boone bro come to bed man its nighty night man its beddy bye time.
shes in love with lily bowen. i havent decided yet whether she actually makes a move. but she thinks lily is sooooo dreamy. and shes right. if you dont think the enormous 203 year old blue mutant woman is dreamy thats your problem. outta her way
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All British American Boy
(All characters are 18+)
Matthew Hastings leaned his forehead against the cool glass of the airplane window, watching as the endless patchwork of green and brown fields below gave way to the sprawling suburban grid. He adjusted his glasses and ran a hand through his messy brown hair, feeling a knot of nerves tighten in his stomach. He had read every guidebook, watched countless YouTube videos, and even practiced a Midwestern accent as a joke, but nothing could prepare him for actually being here—America.
More specifically, the East Coast of California, a small town near the beach where he’d spend his gap year as an exchange student before university. For an 18-year-old British boy with a penchant for sci-fi novels, indie music, and political debates, it felt like stepping into a completely different world.
At the airport, Matthew’s host family greeted him with big smiles and even bigger hugs. The Bennetts were the epitome of California Americana: Todd, the jovial dad in a baseball cap; Lisa, the bubbly mom with a perpetual tray of cookies; and Chase, their athletic, all-smiles son who was also 18. Chase was a senior at the local high school and the starting quarterback of the football team.
“Matthew,” Lisa said brightly as they piled into the family’s SUV. “What a great name! So classic. So All-American!”
Matthew blinked. “Uh, thanks?”
Chase chuckled from the backseat, where he sat next to Matthew. “Yeah, bro, it’s perfect. You’re gonna fit right in.”
Matthew wasn’t so sure about that, but he forced a polite smile.
The first day at school was a blur of introductions and unfamiliar faces. Everyone seemed fascinated by his accent, asking him to say random words like “bottle” and “aluminium,” which felt strangely alien to Matthew, now that he was in a place where everyone had the same cadence and lingo. It wasn’t long before his name became a subject of constant discussion.
As Matthew walked into the school, he could feel eyes on him. Cheerleaders, jocks, and teachers alike seemed to zero in on him, exchanging knowing glances.
One of the cheerleaders, a blonde girl with a smile that could light up a room, grinned as she approached. “Matthew, huh? Your name sounds so... All-American,” she said, giggling. “You’re not secretly a football player, are you?”
Matthew blinked, caught off guard. “Uh, no, not really.”
“Pfft, I bet you could be,” she teased, tossing her hair over her shoulder as she walked off, still chuckling. “We need more guys like you on the team. You’d fit right in.”
As Matthew made his way through the crowded hallways, another guy—a tall jock in a varsity jacket—clapped him on the back as he passed. “Matthew, huh? Dude, that’s a name you can take to the bank. Like, you’re straight outta one of those All-American movies, right?”
Matthew managed a smile, but inside, he was still trying to make sense of it all. What did they mean? What was this weird association everyone seemed to have with his name?
“Yeah, man,” another guy, a friend of the first, added as they walked past, “you’re gonna be a star here. Football, maybe? You look like you belong on the field.”
Later that day, in history class, his new teacher, Mr. Henderson, remarked on his name with an enthusiastic grin. “Matthew. Now that’s a name I can get behind! Really sounds like the kind of guy who’d be representing the All-American spirit. You’re the pride of your country, huh?”
Matthew, unsure how to respond, simply nodded. “Yeah, I guess.”
“Cool, cool,” Mr. Henderson said, adjusting his glasses. “You’re going to get along great here.”
During lunch, as Matthew stood in line, he overheard a conversation between a group of cheerleaders. They were talking about the new kid—him—and they couldn’t stop commenting on his name.
“That Matthew kid?” one of the cheerleaders said, flipping her hair. “Totally All-American. I swear, he looks like he just stepped out of a high school movie.”
“Right?” another cheerleader responded. “I bet he’s gonna be the next big thing here. He’s got the look. That strong jawline? Those cheekbones? Definitely jock material.”
Matthew froze mid-bite, his fork hovering in the air. Strong jawline? Cheekbones? He frowned and ran his tongue along his teeth. He’d never thought of himself as having any of those features. His jawline had always seemed weak and round, and his cheekbones were practically nonexistent. Had they mistaken him for someone else? He glanced around, wondering if they were talking about someone else. But no, they were definitely referring to him.
Later that afternoon, as he was leaving class, the principal—Mr. Gallagher, a tall man in his 50s with a firm handshake—stopped him in the hallway.
“Matthew,” Mr. Gallagher said with a smile, his voice warm but commanding. “I hear you’re fitting in well. It’s not every day we get a guy with such an All-American name. People around here are already talking about you. And I’ve gotta say, I think you’ll do great things at this school.”
Matthew blinked, feeling like the entire world was projecting some image onto him that he hadn’t asked for.
“Thanks, I guess?” he said hesitantly, unsure of how to respond.
“You’re welcome,” Mr. Gallagher said, still smiling broadly. “It’s good to have someone like you in our school. Now, go enjoy the rest of your day. You’re definitely going to fit right in.”
That evening, after dinner, as Matthew was settling in, Chase walked into his room with a mischievous grin and a bottle of cologne in hand.
“Alright, Matthew Hastings,” Chase said, leaning against the doorframe. “Time to complete your transformation.”
Matthew raised an eyebrow. “What are you on about?”
Chase stepped closer, unscrewing the cap of the cologne. “This is the secret ingredient. One spray of this, and you’re gonna be the perfect All-American boy.”
Matthew snorted. “Very funny.”
But before he could protest, Chase spritzed the cologne in his direction. The scent hit Matthew’s nose—strong, woodsy, and oddly intoxicating. He staggered back, his vision blurring.
“What the hell?” he mumbled, clutching his head as a strange warmth spread through his body. His glasses slipped from his face, and he blinked in confusion.
Matthew felt the change like a wave crashing over him. His clothes grew tighter, the fabric hugging new, broader muscles. His hands expanded, becoming larger and more defined. His spine straightened as his body seemed to bulk up, every inch of him transforming into a physical reflection of a guy who could play football, lift weights, and dominate any sports field.
But it was his hair that caught him off guard the most. The gelled, slightly messy brown hair he had always known as his was now slowly shifting. He could feel it growing, thickening, becoming wilder. His once-neat style unraveled, and it was replaced by a messy, dirty blonde wave that fell effortlessly into place, as if his hair had always been meant to look this way. His strands now had a natural tousled look, framing his face with an untamed, confident aura that screamed “California jock.”
He stumbled to the mirror, his heart racing. His reflection showed a tall, athletic figure with a strong jawline, perfect blonde hair that seemed to defy gravity, and bright blue eyes that gleamed with confidence. The nerdy, awkward British boy who had boarded the plane was nowhere to be found. In his place stood a tall, chiseled young man with a cocky smile and a powerful presence.
“Dude,” Chase said, clapping him on the back. “Looking good!”
Matthew turned to him, startled by the deep, American drawl that came out of his mouth. “What... what did you do to me?”
Chase shrugged. “Just helped you find your true self, bro.”
The following days passed in a blur of transformations—both external and internal. Matthew, now calling himself Matt Bennett, slid seamlessly into his new life. He joined the football team alongside Chase, becoming one of the star players almost immediately. His accent, his interests, even his political views began to shift. His love of indie music and intellectual debates slowly faded, replaced with a growing obsession for rap and R&B, the beats pounding through his headphones whenever he wasn’t on the field. He loved the swagger and confidence that came with it, the rhythms that felt so natural now, like they were a part of him all along.
His love of sci-fi novels seemed trivial now, a memory from another life. His sense of identity, too, morphed. The boy who had once questioned his sexual orientation—who had once enjoyed the company of both men and women—found himself suddenly, unmistakably attracted to women. In fact, he couldn’t even remember the last time he’d been with a guy. His attraction to men was now something distant and irrelevant, like a forgotten dream.
His new family felt like his real family. He called Todd and Lisa “Mom” and “Dad” without hesitation. And then there was Cassie, the bubbly cheerleader who became his girlfriend. With her blonde curls, wide smile, and endless use of words like “like” and “totes,” she was everything he never knew he wanted.
Chase noticed the change, of course. One day, while tossing a football back and forth, Chase shot him a sly grin. “You like the new you, right? You’re basically the ideal All-American man now. You’ve got the looks, the skills, the right political views, and, of course, the perfect girlfriend.”
Matt laughed, a confident, almost smug laugh. “Yeah, bro. I mean, it’s like I’ve always been this way, y’know? Girls, football... that’s all that matters. Oh, and, uh, conservative values, right?”
Chase slapped him on the back. “Hell yeah. If we all just stuck to our guns, everything would be perfect.” He paused, his grin widening. “Just like us.”
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At school, Matt became a local legend. His name, now officially “Matt Bennett,” was on everyone’s lips. Teachers and classmates alike would remark on how “All-American” he looked. At the football games, Matt was cheered on as a hero. His life, once a tangled web of uncertainty and self-doubt, had been rewritten.
Now, he was Matt Bennett, the perfect All-American jock, and he couldn't imagine being anyone else.
One afternoon, as he walked hand-in-hand with Cassie through the school’s hallway, Chase slapped him on the back. “Told you, man. Brunettes are great, but blondes? That’s where it’s at.”
Matt laughed, his perfect white teeth gleaming. “You were right, bro.”
And as he leaned in to kiss Cassie, he didn’t think about the boy he had been before. Why would he? He was Matt Hastings now, the perfect All-American boy.
At school, Matt became a local legend. His name, now officially “Matt Bennett,” was on everyone’s lips. Teachers and classmates alike would remark on how “All-American” he looked. His new, muscular frame made him a standout, but it was his natural charisma and sharp athleticism that earned him respect.
“You know,” one of his classmates commented during lunch, “Matt Bennett... that name just screams All-American jock. It’s like something out of a movie.”
Another added, “Dude’s gotta be the most ‘jocky’ guy in school. I can already picture him playing pro football someday.”
The attention was flattering. He found himself slipping into the role effortlessly, becoming the guy everyone admired, the one who fit the mold perfectly.
But there was something else. It was in the way he now saw the world—through a lens of conservative ideals. Matt often found himself in debates with classmates, his new opinions solidifying as the days went on. He believed firmly in traditional gender roles, the importance of family values, and a strong distaste for liberal ideologies. The political conversations he had once enjoyed with his friends back in England seemed ridiculous now.
One day, during a lunch break, he and Chase found themselves talking about their political views.
“You know what’s messed up?” Matt said, taking a bite of his sandwich. “The way the country’s going. I mean, I don’t know how anyone could vote for those liberals. Everything’s just getting too soft.”
Chase nodded. “Exactly, man. It’s like people don’t want to stand up for what’s right anymore. We need to take America back. Make it great again.”
Matt chuckled. “I’m with you. It’s all about family, football, and freedom.”
Everything about Matt Bennett felt right now. His identity was clear, his life full of purpose, and every moment felt like an affirmation of his new self. He was exactly who he was supposed to be—perfectly All-American, living the life he had never even known he wanted.
And when he kissed Cassie, his blonde, bubbly cheerleader girlfriend, the world felt even more complete. He didn’t think about the boy he had been, the questions he had once asked himself. Why would he? He was Matt Bennett now—an All-American jock, straight as an arrow, and proud of it.
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ᯓ ᝰ ONLY FOR YOU .ᐟ — gojo satoru
your new roommate is all sorts of mysterious. the biggest one of all? the fact that he keeps trying for you even when it seems like you won’t budge. (or, satoru’s preposterous attempts at getting you to date him.)
gojo satoru x female reader. content tags runaway!gojo, modern au, also roommate gojo, they’re both about mid-twenties here, mentions of periods. word count 2.5k
ᯓ notes .ᐟ do not perceive me </3 haha with the state of jjk manga i just wanted some happiness so have some gojo !! this was random and came completely out of nowhere :’) anyway hope you guys enjoy <3
six months after moving into an apartment in the city, your haphazard living quarters (haphazard mostly because the previous tenants had zero interior design sense) has nearly turned into your dream home.
new furniture litters every square feet, the old ones all tossed out. your living room spots a fresh new rug—black and white, thick and furry. the new coffee table is made of glass, magazines and newspapers filling up the space underneath. the couch has been upgraded to a dark leather, oozing a sense of old money somehow.
it’s not just your living room, your bedroom too spots some new upgrades. the single bed has been upgraded to a queen size, new vanity perpendicular to the study desk and your new wardrobe as high as the ceiling itself.
all minimalistic and black and whites and beiges, a far cry from the old and dreary dark blue walls that seem to evoke a sense of dread in you.
of course, while you’d like to claim the credit for yourself, your roommate played a much bigger part in all of this redecorating. he paid for most of it, after all.
“remind me again, satoru, how do you have this much money when you don’t even work?”
satoru stands beside you, having followed your line of sight as the both of you finally finished redecorating the house. he’s standing tall and proud too, like he’s pleased with himself because he knows you like what he’s thought up of here.
a six-foot-three human of godly proportions with the most beautiful face you’ve ever seen. too bad he’s managed to annoy you the moment he first step foot in the apartment.
he turns to look at you, a wink in your direction before that shit-eating grin and a “it’s a secret” being all he offers.
you roll your eyes. “whatever, satoru,” you shrug it off, slumping down on your new leather seats.
he opts to sit right beside you despite the sofa being the width of your entire living room. he’s annoying like that, always up in your space, has to make himself known—he’s been like this ever since he first moved in.
sometimes he makes you question your decision of having a roommate.
“hey y/n, i wanna ask you something!”
you sigh, in the exasperated non-friendly way and glare at satoru, who’s beaming from ear to ear, because every single time he says that, he’ll ask you some ridiculous question.
the last time he did was a few days ago, when he asked about your period cycle, and when you hit him with the pillow, he’d pouted and said, “hey, i just thought i could help you buy some during your time if i ever dropped by the store!”
(which is funny considering how the first time you went grocery shopping together he looked like a kid on a sugar rush, dumping only—and only—sweets and pastries into the shopping cart.)
“do i get to say no?”
“nope!” and he still has that happy lilt to his voice.
“why do i even bother with you, satoru?” you rub your temples before resigning yourself to look at him with a straight face.
satoru shifts his position so he’s leaning on his side, watching you dreamily. it’s such a crime that he looks like that—it’s so easy for him to make hearts melt. “do you have a boyfriend?”
he nearly makes you choke on nothing. as much as you want to manoeuvre out of such talk with him, you know that you’re just signing up for a much longer conversation with him if you don’t just give him a straight answer.
“no,” you say, contemplating just stopping there, but then again, you don’t want him to get any ideas. “and i’m not looking for one, satoru.”
right on cue, he pouts. but somehow, something tells you he expected your answer already. “but you don’t have one, so i can try,” he says, as if to affirm the idea to himself.
“yeah you can try, but i’ll keep saying no, satoru, so don’t even bother.” you’re trying your best to get him not to even try, but satoru’s optimism is probably one of the strongest things to exist on this earth.
after a continuous fifteen minutes of you insisting that the more he tries, the more it’d turn you off, you thought you’d gotten through to him.
until one week later when he proves all your efforts were for naught.
he shows up at the lobby of your company building, looking all dashing and everything like a modern prince charming would, leaning against the hood of his car while he scrolls through his phone, evidently waiting for you because you’ve decided to ignore all his questions for the past two hours (of which all were trying to get you to tell him what time you get off work).
thanks to his little stunt (showing up at your workplace and basically forcing you to ride with him or else he’ll make an even bigger display of affection), everyone at the office now thinks you’re already dating that tall dreamy man, or that you’re crazy not to.
after you say you’re still not interested, he’s moved on to other forms of… seduction.
one night, you go home to see him in just his sweats, cooking dinner and to top it off, it’s your favourite dish.
you scoff in disbelief, flinging your purse down onto the dining table. (a variation of light oak you both agreed would look good with everything else.) “satoru, what is this?”
he turns around, abs on full display as he acts coy. the spatula in his right hand turning a circle as he shrugs. “what do you mean? just cooking some dinner, want some?”
oh, you’ll get him for this. you don’t know how, but one day you will. he’s taken everything you said you liked about a contestant on a dating show and is currently trying to embody everything he is just to tempt you into dating him.
(it’s unfair that you somehow think satoru is much more handsome than anyone on tv, but you’re never going to tell him that. never.)
“satoru.”
(your tone is nearly akin to that which his mother often used on him when he was young. you’re kind of scary sometimes.)
his disinterested expression eases into an easy smirk, his lower back leaning against the counter. “oooh, you’re so hot when you’re all angry, babe.”
“i’m not your babe and the answer is still no!”
(he ends up burning whatever he was trying to cook because he was too busy turning his attention to you.)
the next time he tries, he’s sending you bouquets of flowers to you. at your workplace, right in full view of everyone including your bosses, who all seem to be so interested in your love life now. especially when what they’re reading are things like “can’t wait to see you when you get home, miss you ♡”.
so now the entire office thinks you live with your boyfriend and rumours have spread that you’re going to get married soon. how on earth that second part got out of hand you have no idea.
now everyday when you get home, he has something for you. it varies from time to time, and they range from food to high-end jewellery. he keeps trying to play a game of hit or miss, trying to gauge by your expressions every time he gives you his gift, trying to decide whether you like it or not.
three months later, you can safely say he has your food preferences nailed. as for everything else, like fashion and accessories, there’s more to be said. you didn’t want to accept all his gifts, especially not when you’re going to hate yourself for possibly leading him on, but satoru has never been one to take no for an answer. ever since the day you first met him really, when he only insists on you calling him by his first name and refuses to tell you his last. (yet he wants to know everything about you.)
satoru’s infuriating.
“you know, you keep doing all this without knowing whether i’ll ever say yes, or whether or not i’m taking advantage of you, why won’t you stop?” you ask when you get home one day, tired as shit because an important (yet unreasonable) client has taken the opportunity to shit on you earlier today for things that they failed to do.
it makes you wonder whether satoru ever thinks the same about you; whether you’re an asshole for just… being the way you are.
he tilts his head to the side, the gift in his hand, inside a pretty paper bag, falling to his side as he thinks. “nah, you’re not like that.”
“like what?”
“whatever bad thing you’re thinking about yourself,” satoru decides, moving forward to ruffle your hair. usually you move away, but this time you let him.
“and how are you so sure?”
he pouts a little, as if it’s a disappointment you don’t already know. “i dunno what you’re thinking about, but i happen to like you. a lot.”
“satoru, you barely know me.”
“maybe. but i at least know you’re independent though, you always like to get shit done yourself and you do it all well. and i like the way you work hard, even after you get back home. and you always feed the stray cats outside our apartment, that’s why you hate it when you get off work late.”
there’s a lot of things satoru notices that you probably don’t know about. and here you are, thinking he’s just doing all this for the heck of it. still, it’s an awkward topic that you’re not sure how to continue.
“that’s it?” you mumble sheepishly, averting your gaze.
satoru grins, eyes forming cute little half moons. “want me to say more? i have more, how about—”
“okay you can shut up now!” you exclaim, lunging forward to cover his mouth with your hands, though all that does is give him a reason to shoot you his signature shit-eating grin.
“icanshwotallygibyoumorereasonswhy—”
you yank your hands away, realising it does nothing to actually shut him up.
“i like you,” he finishes. still grinning. still proud of himself. still holding your new gift in his hand.
and maybe it’s the way he’s trying relentlessly, tirelessly, even in the face of all your rejections. or maybe it’s the way you notice that he’s trying, earnestly. because honestly? you don’t know what you can offer him. he seems to do just well enough by himself. and with looks like that? you don’t doubt he can attract some powerful socialites if he wants.
or perhaps it’s the way he’s prattling on about how he saw you using up your planner pages already that one time you were perched on the balcony area doing your work that he’s shamelessly now praising himself for getting you more pages because the last time, you said to stop it with the super expensive gifts.
“i think i’m a pretty good listener—”
“okay, satoru,” you concede, a ghost of a smirk tugging the corners of your lips.
satoru blinks like an idiot, like he’s a deer caught in the headlights, because he can’t believe what you just implied.
“okaaaay as in…” he trails off for a moment, his confusion quickly giving way to a full-on grin, the widest you’ve ever seen on him. “y/n, are you my girlfriend now?”
you hold your pointer finger up and tut him, shaking it back and forth trying not to get him to jump the gun. it’s barely been a minute since you agreed and you can already tell he’s going to be a handful.
“we’re not together—”
“yet,” he corrects you, always the eager one. still grinning, still staring at you dreamily, white lashes and blue eyes the bane of your existence.
you sigh, deciding not to reiterate that. “but i’ll go on a few dates with you, satoru. then by the end of it, you’ll see why we won’t work out.”
that doesn’t dampen his spirits—and at this point, you doubt anything ever will. this time, he’s the one shaking his index finger. “or, you’ll wonder where i’ve been your whole life.”
“perhaps. but maybe because i wanted to murder you.”
satoru hums as if he’s pondering it, then shakes his head. “nah, because you’d curse that we didn’t have more time together,” he says, sticking his tongue out.
he may act like a child in a grown man’s body, and more often than not, you may lament internally that he’s annoying and doesn’t know the meaning of personal space, but right now, the way his cheeky expression slowly fades into a genuine smile, the way his big hand comes up to your cheek to caress your face, the way his beautiful blue eyes fall to gaze at your lips—you get the hint that satoru’s dangerous.
dangerous because it might be so easy to fall for him, and maybe next time, before you know it, you’ll love him.
for now, it’s enough for you to absorb, and so you bail first before satoru gets to kiss you on the lips.
“dinner saturday, eight?” he calls after you, and you can just make out his smirk even when you’re not looking at him.
you’re still bounding down the hallway to your room. “whatever, you’re paying, satoru,” you declare back to him, realising you’re still flustered from how close he was back there.
“aw, love you too, babe!”
“oh my god, satoru i hate you,” you groan as you shut the bedroom door behind you.
still, behind closed doors, you can hear him chuckling. “i’ll make you fall for me one day, y/n.”
you don’t understand why, but your knees grow weak, and you fall to the floor clutching your purse in your hands. satoru’s charming and handsome and he’s probably everything you dreamed that prince charming would be.
but you also know how easily romance can ruin you.
so why, for the first time in years, do you feel your heart skipping beats and a genuine excited smile forming on your face?
you fish your phone out when you feel the vibration and realise it’s a text from satoru. never one for any type of space, really.
i’ll take care of you, don’t worry. 🫡
you laugh at his use of the emoji, and for the first time, you feel yourself so easily warming up to someone. deciding to throw him a bone tonight, you text him back.
in his room, satoru smiles to himself as he reads your message.
i’m in your hands, then. 🫡
he’s let a lot of people down recently. but you? no, he doesn’t ever want to let you down. for the first time in his life, he’s wondering if this is what love feels like.
#jjk x reader#gojo x reader#gojo satoru x reader#satoru x reader#gojo x you#gojo x y/n#gojo satoru x you#gojo satoru x y/n#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk gojo x reader#jjk imagines#gojo satoru imagines#gojo imagines#૪ aeri’s fics !
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also maybe bsf!Rafe dealing with a drunken reader that keeps saying sweet nothings in his ear (but truly truly heartfelt) and Rafe has no clue how to take those things while he keeps taking care of reader (and making sure nothing happens to them)
did I go absolutely feral when I read this? yes. this is probably the most one of the girls rafe and reader coded idea I have ever read and I want to worship the ground you walk on for sending me this 🙂↕️🙂↕️🙂↕️ I love love u🦉nonnie <3
you render bsf!rafe absolutely speechless with your affectionate drunken words… <3 listen to fantasy by kali uchis & don toliver for this one <3 cw: slightly suggestive content (no actual smut!), mentions of alcohol and weed consumption, minimal usage of nicknames like babydoll <3 for: @ilyrafe who’s probably one of the most talented writers i’ve had the honor of getting to talk to :’) you’re the absolute sweetest gabi, i adore you so much 💟
part of this little universe <3
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the purple strobe lights flash all over the dancing bodies at the party, highlighting the subtle skin on skin touches, the intertwined hands, the sweat dripping down the slope of the necks, and the smoke leaving the weed joints.
you and rafe would more or less usually get wound up in the dancing too, having the lights flash across you two in the otherwise dark party manor, your bodies pressed up, his arms always tight around you to keep you as close as he can.
but right now, instead of getting to dance, rafe is standing next to your sitting figure on one of the bar stools, your body leaning against his and his arm tightening protectively around you.
“c’mon rafe let’s go dance please!” you slurred, looking up at rafe with pleading eyes. he lets out a sigh of exasperation and tightens his grip around your shoulders, shaking his head.
“no, I told you, you’re way too drunk,” he grumbles. “you can’t even stand straight. you’d be trippin’ over an’ shit all the time on the floor, so no,”
you pout at his words, reaching out for the glass kept on the counter behind you but rafe pulls onto your arm with his free hand, tugging it away from the glass.
“I told you, no more drinks f’you,” he sighs. “c’mon babydoll, adjust with me here,”
he lets go of your hand and tugs you closer to him from his arm around your shoulders, and you snuggle up against his side. you look up at him, his eyes scanning around the crowds, his weed joint hanging limply between his two fingers.
you bury your face in his side, taking in a deep breath and letting his scent cloud your senses. “you smell very good…” you murmur, letting your glazed eyes flutter against his tshirt. “something new you’re trying?” you ask quietly, your arm coming up to wrap around his torso, your fingers fiddling mindlessly with the hem of his tshirt.
“it’s the same one as always,” he mutters, his gaze never stopping scanning around the crowds. his eyes have already zeroed on people who he noticed eyeing you in a way he wasn’t particularly fond of, and mentally preparing himself to not let them even in a two mile radius around you both.
“you sure? smells different…” you mutter, taking another deep breath. “well, whatever it is, you smell really good…” your words spill from your lips, the different sounds running into one another to sound slightly incoherent to rafe, yet he understands you perfectly well.
“and this shirt…” you mumble, your fingertips starting to sneak under the hem of his tshirt, tracing gently over the skin of the side of his torso, the sudden movement causing rafe to take a sharp breath, “you look very good in it… suits you… brings out your eyes…” your fingers start to trace small shapeless patterns on his skin, your eyes trailing over his arms in the half sleeved tshirt, “and… and your arms too… look good…”
rafe can feel his heart starting to thump louder in his chest from your words and the way your fingertips glide over his skin, but his eyes keep on examining the crowd, something he has done uncountable times already, but he isn’t so sure what his next move should be when your words is causing his breath to hitch in his throat. he moves his hand to take a hit of his joint, letting the joint stay in between his lips, his hand coming back down to his side.
your fingers come out from under his shirt and find his hand on his side, softly trailing over his fingers and forearm, tracing the visible veins gently.
“you always take such good care of me…” you murmur quietly, “always makin’ sure i’m okay…”
your fingers trail over the sensitive underside of his forearm, and you can feel goosebumps rising on his skin in the wake of your touch.
to give himself a grip rafe tightens his arm even more around your shoulders, his fingers starting to dig into your skin through the fabric of your clothes. he feels your fingers descend back down to his hand, starting to interlace with his which he doesn’t complain about at all, easily letting your fingers slip into his.
you give his hand a faint tug, which finally causes him to look down at you. you give it another tug, this one a little firmer than the first one. rafe moves in front of you, your back pressing against the bar counter as you look up at him.
you pull on his intertwined hand, bringing it closer to your mouth before you start to gently press kisses over the back of his hand, the kisses just slightly sloppy from your drunken and hazy mind.
“you’re so perfect… so caring, so loving…” your mumbled words spill out against his skin, “and just so so handsome...”
rafe has to hold back the sound wanting to escape past his lips, his teeth almost biting down on the joint in his mouth. he can’t help but look at you with your mouth running over the back of his hand and his wrist, pressing a kiss to whatever patch of skin you can succumb to, his mind starting to go into an overdrive.
you’re going to be the death of him.
#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron imagine#rafe cameron outer banks#rafe cameron fanfic#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron fic#rafe cameron fluff#rafe cameron oneshot#rafe cameron x y/n#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron blurb#rafe cameron concept#rafe cameron drabble#rafe cameron prompt#written by edith! 🪄#🦉anon! 🪄
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i hate it when pandora is made out to be super mature and someone who 'wouldn't hurt a fly'. like no. the woman literally blew herself up, she is not responsible.
anyways here is how i interpret her
she has really bad grades but shes extremely smart. unlike regulus, pandora only really pays attention if the topic interests her. she doesn't care about the draught of living death but she does care about amortentia so in the exam, despite not remembering actually writing anything down or taking notes, she can list every trait and ingredient of it but then when there a question about living draught her mind goes fully blank.
and honestly i think she knows that grades aren't everything and what some silly test on paper shows nothing about her actual skills (and i think she would've ingrained that in luna too)
she is not a ravenclaw. im sorry but i dont think that pandora fits within that house. as we know, ravenclaws like to seek knowledge but i dont think pandora does - i think she loves the unknown (likely due to being a seer and having the curse of knowing too much) and she will only seek out knowledge only if she has to
she is a slytherin that doesnt intentionaly break the rules like barty. she just doesnt understand why there are so many stupid rules in place when there are way better ways she could get things done.
she is NOT a planner - if you ask her to do something she'll just shrug and give you the most ominous response known to man
she knew remus was a werewolf. - she has 0 evidence to back this theory like at all. she just had a feeling.
she has zero sense of danger.
'regulus i think your being paranoid. how could me going outside for a late night walk to investigate the loud howling on a full moon be dangerous? you cant die at hogwarts'
she purposefully messes with barty by pretending that she saw something about his future and making him believe it. and he falls for it every. single. time.
'barty!' 'what' 'be careful on your way to care of magical creatures.' 'what why?' 'PROMISE ME BARTY' 'dora. did you see something' *slow nodding*
barty was paranoid for the rest of the day
she has 5 bajillion hobbies (sewing, baking, juggling ect.)
everyone in the friendgroup is slightly afraid of her - they all feel like shes capable of things that no one should be capable of
she steals potion ingredients from slughorn and lets the marauders get the blame
(which they take because at this point they cant even remember what they did and didn't do)
she took care of magical creature
evan and pandoras parents are split.
evan lives with his dad, dads shiny new wife and little brother (i am gonna go into depth about this household in my evan characterisation)
their mum managed to get out and took pandora with her - mr. rosier pays them money to act like they don''t exist and that's exactly what they do
her mum is a healer who works super hard and is often exhausted but is kind and lets pandora explore the things she wants
evan and pandora were separated when they were four and couldn't get back in contact but when they went to hogwarts they immediately rekindled their relationship
pandora is increadibly emotionally intelligent and loves observing people and theyre mannerisms - she sees how tense dorcas gets whenever anyone talks badly about gryffindors and how regulus sneaks glaces at the gryffindor table when nobodys looking, she even noticed wolfstar first
but she will take all of this to her grave.
she doesnt feel the need to share it like gossip or even to confront the people its about. she just enjoys knowing and allowing the world to unfold around her.
she has a little box of things that she collects that she just loves
she can read taro and loves watching people reactions to each card
she also loves being a absolute menace and making up the most random shit for people
'aahh yes this card mean you shall be blessed with the spirit of a pelican and the vitality of a platypus' 'ooooh- wait what?' 'shhhh let the cards speak to you'
in history of magic, her and regulus' favorite thing to do is write little flirty notes and put them in the bags of people that they ships bag as if theyre from eachother - this is how rosekiller finally confessed confirmed.
she LOVES matching hair with evan
shes super protective over regulus
not one person in the school hates her. they just don't.
edit:
when it comes to her moral compass - i dont think its very strong. thats not to say she cant tell the difference but i think her empathy gets in the way of her being able to decide if something is right or wrong. i think that when her friends joined the deatheater she was heartbroken but she couldn't just cut them off the way dorcas could because she could see why they did despite her thinking it was a horrible thing to do - i think thats why she never joined the order, she stayed neutral but still showed her view through the quibbler (supporting the order). i think she knew there was the chance she would have to go up against barty, evan or reg and she knew that she would never be able to.
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(i hope i didnt offend anyone with the intro or my opinions - at the end of the day its a fandom and theres no 'set' traits of the characters)
i am gonna continue to add to this when i have another headcannon to add xx
tags with no pressure (my fav blogs)
@crescenthistory @unconventional-lawnchair @thatdammchickennugget @fear-less @adalitas-coffeebreak-corner @g1rld1ary @rainydayathogwarts @sun-kissy
#lels headcannons#pandora#pandora rosier#headcannons#dead gay wizards#marauders era#marauders#the marauders#slytherin skittles#fuck jkr#pandora lestrange#rosier twins#characterisation#the slytherin skittles#the emeralds#slytherin#luna lovegood#pandora lovegood#lestrange family#evan rosier#rosier siblings#rosier family#pandalily
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the protagonists of the broken code. who's rootspring
i am tbc's number 1 hater! negative thoughts below
shadowsight: other characters sometimes acknowledge that he was manipulated by ashfur, but the narrative puts all of the blame for the ashfur situation on him, neglecting that (a) he did exactly what he was supposed to do as a healer (obey and take messages from a starclan cat), and (b) the codebreaker hysteria was far more a product of clan culture than the actions of a single apprentice. he isn't treated like the victim that he is, and it is frustrating and not cathartic.
bristlefrost: what the hell does she even do. what does her spy arc accomplish or contribute (like mother, like daughter). she finds out that bramblestar isn't bramblestar far too early. she's so perfect and she has no flaws and she's so empty. i want her to be worse. how much more interesting would she be if she was sneaky and selfish? if she was loyal to the imposter because she truly believed in what he was saying? not to mention how she reciprocates rootspring's feelings with literally zero warning, and ceases to have what little character she'd had to begin with. i genuinely don't care that she dies, they did nothing to make her an engaging character. miss bristlefrost, i'm sorry they did you so bad.
rootspring: first rootpaw thinks he's weird because of his father. i hate this because i hate tree. later, rootpaw thinks he's weird because he can see ghosts. so they give him this "i just want to be normal" deal, and the clans suddenly pretend that ghosts are silly and not real. sure, rootspring and tree are the first clan cats with this specific power. and i get that the clans have very rigid beliefs, and they are afraid of anything that contradicts those beliefs, and that's interesting! but ghosts have been appearing to clan cats all the way back to tpb. fireheart tries to kill clawface at one point and he senses spottedleaf's spirit beside him, there to avenge her death. so rootspring's issue is stupid and he's nothingburger to me.
bramblestar: the arc really depends on me giving a shit about what happens to him. which i don't.
i think bramblestar is unintentionally a bad person and a great character. he proves himself by rejecting tigerstar, but he's still deeply insecure. he makes mistake after mistake (conspiring with tigerstar; hesitating to save firestar from the fox trap; forsaking his children after finding out they're not biologically his; using his power over squirrelflight as a warrior, deputy, and leader to control her), and for none of these mistakes is he held accountable (no thunderclan cat except leafpool learns that he plotted with tigerstar; he is allowed to remain deputy; his children think he was the best father ever; in every situation, squirrelflight seems to bear the consequences of his actions).
in other words, bramblestar gets chance after chance to redeem himself, and he keeps fucking it up. again, that's interesting! there is a story here about how difficult childhoods affect adults, and how powerful men are not held responsible for hurting people. except that's not how he's written. he's written as a completely good person, a brave and noble leader, and all of the clans respect him and they need to get him back.
there's a crazy amount of bramblestar worship in this arc. even rootspring, a brand new skyclan apprentice, thinks about how important bramblestar, the thunderclan leader, is, and how all the clans wouldn't be the same without him. i can't take it seriously.
graystripe: graystripe also got a crazy amount of worship. i couldn't stand reading every few paragraphs about how great he is.
side note: shadowsight, bristlefrost, and rootspring all want the same thing. they advocate against killing bramblestar's body. wouldn't it be more interesting if the protagonists had different perspectives and opinions? if they wanted different things? for example, it makes sense that shadowsight wouldn't want bramblestar dead. he feels like the only way to make up for his mistake is to recover bramblestar alive. but bristlefrost could be in favor of killing bramblestar, because the only way to make up for her mistake (supporting the imposter) is to get rid of him. putting our protagonists at odds would generate some interesting conflict.
conclusion: i also have problems with ashfur (why does ashfur try to stir up trouble with codebreaking which will certainly get him caught when he could just take over bramblestar's body and live quietly with squirrelflight), tigerheartstar, mothwing, starclan, the dark forest insta-death water, firestar possessing rootspring, the pacing (oh my god! they were debating whether to kill bramblestar for like three books! and for three more books they were running in circles in the dark forest!), etc. but i've already written a lot and i'm out of steam lol.
let me finish by saying these are kids books, and i'm not expecting them to be the cream of the crop, but there are a lot of writing choices which are incredibly misogynistic and/or completely baffling from a narrative standpoint. i still have a soft spot for this series though. dammit. okay bye
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The Arsonist Theory, Part 1: Mandibles!
Eight years ago, a few weeks shy of the day itself, I wrote something called The Arsonist Theory. It was my last theory post before making this blog, and looking back, it was disorganized, and I could have presented it better.
So, with new evidence, I'm doing just that.
The core of the theory is this: You don't blame the arson itself for a fire. You blame the arsonist that set the fire in the first place. There is a secret third piece of the puzzle here- not the act of arson, not the fire itself, but something more.
Therefore, consider this: Bill was not the sole perpetrator of the Euclidean Massacre. Rather, he was a weapon used to commit it.
Like the original, this will be a four-part theory, just to make it more digestible. I'll refer back to the original on occasion, but most of it will be new information.
Oh, and-
MAJOR, MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE BOOK OF BILL UNDER THE CUT. THIS INCLUDES THE TEXT ITSELF AND SOLUTIONS TO CIPHERS.
With that out of the way, let's go.
In another post, I mentioned that the specific wording of "Saw his own dimension burn" having a very passive connotation to it, plus parts of the glitched page, shown here- make it incredibly likely, if not certain, that the massacre was an accident on Bill's part.
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Bill's main intention was to show everyone what he had seen all along-- show them that he wasn't crazy. But that's not what happened.
Also, just as an aside- part three of the original theory has some examples of exact wording being a thing to pay attention to in matters surrounding Bill. It mostly concerns his deals with others, but in a Doylist sense, it tells us: exact wording is important with this character, so pay attention.
But let's put a pin in that for a second.
On the page teaching us how to trick everyone into loving us, there's a portion about conversation topics:
The cipher in the candy heart says "LIES," by the way, and it's the only cipher on the page- immediately setting this portion apart from all the others. Bill says here that one conversation topic on a date-- while meeting someone-- is the very specific term, "mandibles."
Say, where have I seen that recently?
Huh... that's interesting! What a specific word to come up twice, in these specific contexts! Remember what I said about exact wording? Sure you do, you have a very good memory, I admire that about you!
But that's not everything I noticed.
All that glitching? You can actually see text peeking out at certain points. And what does that text say?
"Nice to meet ya!"
Over and over and over again.
There's nothing else in my mind that can make this make sense to me. There was someone else there. He met up with someone.
But that's not all- I still have three more posts of evidence to write.
Check back here for links to them- they should all come out within the next day or two, and I'm gunning for all of it to be out before the countdown on thisisnotawebsitedotcom hits zero.
Part 2: We get it, the billboard is a metaphor
Part 3: Journey To The Vicious Spiral Nebula
Part 4: Blame The Arson, Not The Fire
#bill cipher#the book of bill#bob spoilers#tbob spoilers#gravity falls theory#gravity falls#gravity falls meta#someone: who tf writes a metapost at 4 in the morning#my ass: OH BOY 4AM!!!! *opens tumblr*#anyway yeah! more 2 come 2morrow!
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MAMA SAID: Yandere! Jason Voorhees x F! Reader
CW/TW: bullying, sort of stalking (?), ableism, kidnapping, canon divergence, death (not mentioned in detail at all)
i might make a part two if you guys want it idk. also the end is kinda rushed sorry lol. i love jason sm and i really tried to explore his character a bit here, specifically younger jason.
Yandere! Jason Voorhees who you met at camp.
This was your first time attending and you were pretty nervous. Your whole life you've always been a little shy around new people, and your mother decided it would be the perfect opportunity for you to make some new friends.
No matter how much you whined and begged she was dead set on you going. You even faked a fever, and she still wouldn't budge! And so, here you were: Hot, sweaty, and carrying an overpacked duffel bag.
Yandere! Jason Voorhees who has been to camp crystal lake a few times now. Thanks to his past experiences he knows his way around pretty well. He also knows who to avoid and not mess with. Since a lot of people like to pick on him, he's kind of took it upon himself to be prepared for anything.
Thats why he makes sure to hide behind some trees, closely watching the entrance. It's important that he knows what to expect or, in this case, who to expect.
First comes in Mia and her twin brother Mikey. The two of them don't really mess with him much so there isn't much concern there. Next, Terri. Terri was pretty mean to him, but she never got physical. As long as he stayed quiet and out of her way things should run smoothly.
A few more campers who he isn't familiar with walk through. A sick feeling sets in his stomach. The kind that tells you something bad is going to happen. His mother warned him of this. They were expecting far more campers than usual this year...he wishes he could say it excited him.
To his dismay, the last few campers rush through. A terrible chill runs through his body at the sight of his bully. Or, well, bullies. There's a small group of kids who especially get a kick out of messing with him.
Last year they set up a "prank" in his cabin and poured an entire bucket of water over his head while he slept. When he started choking, they just ran off while giggling. If his mother didn't come to help him who knows what could've happened.
Among the group is a new person. A girl, actually. A pretty one at that. Jason zeroes in on the pretty girl as they all walk in together. The leader of the group, Alex, is walking much closer to the girl than anyone else.
Of course, she's probably his girlfriend. I mean, they're pretty young but he's seen a few people claim to be dating anyway. But he's noticed it's a different kind of dating compared to what the counselors do. Kind of weird.
Jason sometimes wishes he could have a girlfriend. Maybe even just a friend. He just wants someone to talk to. Someone to play with. Someone to look at him and not be disgusted or scared.
"Jason! I made your favorite!" His mom calls from a distance.
As weird as it may seem, Jason feels a connection to the girl already. If he worked up the courage, he'd like to speak with her...even if it's just once. He really wanted to stay and watch her some more, but he knew better than to worry his mama. So, he walks through the woods and makes his way towards the cafeteria.
Yandere! Jason Voorhees who has been discreetly searching for you. Most campers are near the campfire making s'mores, but you're nowhere to be found. As risky as it is Jason makes a decision. Besides, there's a camp counselor not too far from here so he should be safe.
"Hey, Alex? Can I ask you s-something?"
The blonde swifty turns back and scowls at him. Jason already feels a sense of fear creeping up his neck. "What do you want, freak?"
With a deep breathe he continues. "Uhm...what happened to your friend? The...girl?" The last part comes out as if he's questioning if he saw correctly. If that girl was even real at all.
Alex's face seems to get even more annoyed by the second. He jumps up and hands his friend the pack of marshmallows he was holding. The bully glances around, clearly checking to see if any adults or counselors are within range. The two of them meet eyes and there's an unspoken agreement.
He won't do anything when a counselor is just over there.
A leaf crunches under his shoe as he moves closer. Jason wants to move back, every inch of his body is ushering him to get away, but his fear keeps his feet right where they are.
"Listen to me, mama's boy", his words come out venomously, "[Name] is my cousin and if you know what's good for you, you'll stay away from her." Tears surface near the end of Jason's eyes at the harsh tone. He feels ashamed for even crying anymore. It's happened so many times that he should be used to it by now.
Alex and his friends cackle loudly. Whatever they're saying he's sure it isn't nice. No matter, though. Jason already feels himself cheering up. He speeds up and swings open the cafeteria door, making his mother jump in surprise.
The boy can't help the wide grin taking over his face.
"Goodness, baby! Knock next time. I almost had a heart attack."
His mother's words don't even register in his mind. He may not know where the girl is, but he knows her name now. That's a win in his book!
Even her name is pretty.
Yandere! Jason Voorhees who finally sees you again during lunch. A few of the newer campers were calling him names so he ran off with his sandwich in hand. He finally came to a stop once he was a little deeper in the woods, and there you were, sitting against a tree and drawing a sketch of the lake.
A blush rushed to his cheeks and he nervously ducked behind a nearby tree. Unfortunately, you'd heard him and jumped up rather quickly.
"Who's there?" You asked, eyes scanning for anyone nearby. He stayed quiet and hoped you'd just dismiss the sound.
"I'm serious, Alex. After that stunt you pulled last night you're lucky I didn't tell anyone." You seemed to pause, as if you were waiting for a response. "Hello...Alex? Is it you?"
Jason felt a bit bad when he seen you so scared. You held the sketch book to your chest tightly and your legs were trembling in fear. His mom taught him to always be honest and true so, maybe he should just come out. "Uhm. It isn't Alex..." He said, slowly peeking his head from around the tree.
"Oh."
The two of you stood there awkwardly taking in each other. To his surprise you didn't seem disgusting or scared. Just curious, if anything. He felt a little nervous being looked at so thoroughly. You hated him already, didn't you?
"Sorry about that. I'm [Name]. Jason, right?" You tucked the sketchbook under your arm and reached out with the other, offering him a shake. Jason's hand trembled against your own, yet still firmly shook all the while.
You hadn't spoken with him much, but he has quite the reputation at camp, so you've heard of him. No good things unfortunately. He didn't seem like a bad guy to you though. Just a different one.
Yandere! Jason Voorhees who you became friends with ever since that handshake. He introduced you to his mom and she was more than excited to learn her son made a friend.
Yandere! Jason Voorhees who you sneak into the cafeteria with at night to steal some sweet treats. The two of you haven't got caught once since the counselors are never doing their job anyway.
Yandere! Jason Voorhees who you defend from bullies. Including your cousin Alex. Sometimes it ends with the both of you bleeding, but you don't care about that! Jason is your friend and you're not going to stand by and let him get bullied!
Yandere! Jason Voorhees who loves watching you draw. At night after scoring some cookies, the two of you sit near the lake and he watches you sketch. His favorite was a self-portrait you drew, and since he liked it so much, you signed it and let him keep it.
Yandere! Jason Voorhees who can't find you at breakfast time. When he asked him mom she simply told him that she didn't know. So, he decided to go check on you. As he approaches the girls cabin a counselor stops him with a strict look on her face.
"Can I help you?" Jason fails to mask his look of annoyance. Since when did they start caring about the kids around here? "M-my friend [Name]. I couldn't find her at breakfast and wanted to make sure she's okay."
"Oh, her. Yeah, she's sick. For some reason they're making me watch the kid." Her emphasis on 'me' made it seem like it was an insult for her to have to watch [Name]. How stuck-up.
From this alone Jason could tell today would be a rough one.
Yandere! Jason Voorhees who suddenly gets ambushed by Alex and several other campers when he walks back near the campfire. They rush towards him and begin pulling the white mask off his face, shouting insults all the while.
"I heard [Name] got sick! Bet he gave her the cooties!"
"Ew, look at his face! I can see why he wears that thing around."
"You're such a mama's boy. Too good to hang out with the rest of us, huh?"
A terrible feeling settles on his chest. He'd been bullied before, but so many people throwing insults at him all at once was a lot to handle. Too much to handle.
With newfound adrenaline Jason runs off, not even realizing that he's nearing the dock. All he can think about is getting away. He just wants it to stop. He hates himself. He hates his face, his personality, he hates all of it. A part of him wishes he was never born.
He just wants to be left alone!
The voices of the campers get louder. They're Approaching. They're getting closer. And suddenly, Jason is right back to that same day.
That day where he approached Alex and asked about [Name]. That same day he couldn't move and was just frozen with fear. He hated how he felt then. And he never wants to feel that way again.
He has to move! He has to do something!!
So... he jumps into the lake.
Yandere! Jason Voorhees who misses you more than anything. He misses his mother too, of course, but she was still with him. In spirit at least.
"You should go find her, Jason", his mother tells him.
And He wants to. He wants to find you. He wants to hug you again. He wants to eat cookies with you again. He wants to sit by the trees and watch you draw again. He misses his old life. He misses you.
"So go find her and re-live that life."
If he leaves then who will watch over camp? Forget it. It would be selfish of him to leave their home unattended for his own desires. Anything could happen while he's gone! Besides, there's no telling how long it'll take him to find you.
The voice of his mother laughs a bit. "You're so sweet, my son. I will lead you to her. A quick trip. Here and back."
Jason was still hesitant to agree. But if mama said it'll be okay, then it should be okay. Right?
Yandere! Jason Voorhees who finds your apartment quicker than he expected. Judging by the boxes scattered throughout different rooms, he's assuming you've only just moved in.
He snoops around a bit out of curiosity. Can you blame him? It’s been years since you’ve seen each other. He finds a picture of you graduating high-school in the living room. He realizes then that he’s never met your parents.
Moving forward, he creaks open the door to your bedroom. In the corner he spots a canvas with a few strokes of paint on the surface. He isn’t sure what you were trying to paint, but it makes him happy to know you’re still into art just as much as back then.
Luckily you live alone. He was a little worried about having to kill someone in order to bring you back with him. He didn't want to ruin your clothes with blood or anything like that!
The second he sees your sleeping face he feels a warm feeling hug his heart. It had been too long. You lost all that baby fat and now had a mature, even more beautiful face. Not that he expected any different. You were always so gorgeous to him.
Yandere! Jason Voorhees who grabs you out of bed and throws you against his shoulder. You wake up pretty quickly and start kicking and squirming as soon as you register what’s going on. Who the hell even is this?!
“Hey! L-let me go!!” You start banging your fists against his back but it doesn’t even seem to affect him. He just keeps walking and walking, not speaking a single word the entire time.
Eventually, you begin sobbing. Your throat goes dry from how much you’ve been screaming. It is pretty late, but how come no one is coming to save you? Why can’t anyone hear you?
The cold air is eating at your legs since you slept in a cami top and some shorts. Your captor still has yet to speak. He also has a super tight grip. It would definitely bruise. If you even make it out of this alive.
“Please…” You beg, slowly losing hope. There are no street lights, cars, houses…nothing. He was taking you to a secluded area to do who knows what to you. This was the end. This was how you’d die.
After a few more minutes the man grunts and swings open a door. It’s pitch black outside so you aren’t exactly sure where you’re at. “Please, just let me go.”
He stays silent and lays you down on a bed surprisingly gently. Before you can even blink he’s binding your hands against the headboard with some rope. His hands move fast to make sure you have no chances of running away.
You feel more tears fall down your cheeks. How could this happen to you? Why was this happening to you?
Yandere! Jason Voorhees who feels bad for tying your hands up. He didn’t miss the way you winced in pain. Mama said it would be necessary until you get used to living here though.
When she says it’s time, he’ll allow you to take them off.
“She’s so beautiful, Jason. It’s only a matter of time until she gets comfortable with you again. Until then, she’ll have to stay like this. . .”
He hates this. Jason just wants to untie you and hug you like old times! He hates seeing you so sad, so scared. He feels bad for even doing this in the first place.
He trusts his mama, though. So for now, he’ll stay patient and wait for you to come around.
Just like mama said.
#yandere#stalker yandere#yandere boyfriend#yandere male#yandere male x reader#yandere x darling#yandere x reader#jason voorhees#slashers#yandere: jason voorhees#friday the 13th#yandere jason voorhees x reader#jason voorhes x reader#yandere slasher#slasher x reader#silkwritealot
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