#if we're feeling particularly scandalous....

[girlkissergideon]

tea date and a little teensy kiss on the cheek from him would heal me

[myfairstarlight]

An Ode to Friends to Lovers - Colin and Penelope's story

Fine, I give in.

As someone who considers themself more of a casual viewer (as in, I've never engaged in the fandom before), I went into this new season with mild interest. And then I fell down the rabbit hole. I should have suspected it though, Friends to Lovers is a trope I affectionate particularly when it comes to romance, unfortunately one I very rarely think is done well. So I was still skeptical going in.

But by God, did they deliver on that front and I need to break it down and talk about it. So I guess this is my review of Bridgerton s3, part 1.

Under the cut though, because this is gonna be a long one (seriously, this is a warning).

I don't particularly think Bridgerton is a complex show, and one can argue all day about whether it is even good (in my eyes, as long as it's entertaining, I don't care if a show is "good"), however, the number of takes I've seen online not understanding basic story-telling worries me a bit.

Don't get me wrong, I agree this first half has pacing issues but I do not think Penelope's and Colin's love story suffered that much, it did not feel rushed to me since we already knew these characters for two whole seasons (and I maintain Colin has always had more depths than what people pretend he does, it seems like, just like the ton, viewers like to overlook him and just characterise him as naive).

And I guess this long ass post was born in the process. So:

Part One: Penelope's glow up

Yes I'm starting by looking at them individually first. I think this post on reddit sums it up so perfectly. I get we're all joking about how unrealistic it is that no man was ever interested in Penelope despite how she looks like an absolute goddess (and I maintain she was the cutest in both previous seasons as well!) - unfortunately it is realistic. That's the reality of bullying, it doesn't get solved by a glow up. Even her association with the Bridgertons through Eloise and Colin did not lessen the bullying, so without them? Even the prettiest dresses would not have changed the ton's perception of her, and she's still the awkward, anxious girl she's always been, and unfortunately, most of these men are not attracted to that. It's not satisfying, she doesn't get her triumphant revenge on a society that always ostracised her - and I think it's important that she does not. That she accepts it. She should not have to change for a ton that will not change for the better either. And it's a lesson she learns quickly - someone will love her for who she is, pretending will only lead to misery. And, it is when she's being herself that she successfully gets the interest of some gentlemen (shout out to Lord Remington! I was so hoping we would be seeing more of him on top of Debling. He's such a Whistledown fan I thought that even after the whole lesson reveal scandal he would have stuck to call on Penelope the next day to gossip together, it would have been cute but I guess he too wanted to avoid being written about) (also I'm just saying in fics he should be the one considered as a proper other suitor for Pen since they seemed to have a genuine connection, meanwhile Debling was really searching for practicality).

The thing I wanna add to that post is this: despite all that, she decided to change her looks for herself. When I first learned of the plot of this season, Colin helping her find a husband, I was scared it would mean Colin would be the one to tell her to have a makeover. It doesn't happen. Sure, Penelope subconsciously requests for a more Parisian style for her new dresses because it is the last place Colin went to, but by that point she has already given up on him. She wants something new, and to feel good in herself. That's how she blooms, by finding a style that she feels comfortable in, finally free from her mother's horrendous tastes. That's what allows her to be more confident as well, the new looks and her motivation to move on from her "unrequited fantasy". As for Colin? He never comments on her change, he compliments her dress (and mind you, that is when he's trying to play up the charm because he knows she's upset with him and he gets humbled, hard) but he never says it looks better on her than what she wore before, he never has a "I never realised how beautiful you were" moment we see a bit too often in friends to lovers stories, because to him she's still his Pen, new dresses, new hairstyles, but the same Pen he's always loved, even if he didn't realise to what extent yet.

But Penelope's confidence... is not quite there yet. Difficult to be, when she's grown up in a loveless home, with horrible sisters, a father who barely cared and a mother who constantly puts her down. Whenever she gets a compliment, her first reaction is "ah, it must be a joke" - that isn't even exclusive to Colin, in the brief interaction between Edwina and Penelope, when Edwina compliments her dress, Penelope also dismisses it. And then, there's Colin, who is always oh so honest with her and does not shy away from praising her. But I'll touch more on that later.

Part Two: Colin's new self.

And then we have the opposite: Colin showing up with a new attitude, and succeeding at it (well, on the surface). Something I haven't seen people bring up a lot though is that he's already tried a new look in s2, and he got mocked for it. The only one who didn't? Penelope. Why didn't he try to emulate being a rake back then? Because Penelope's letters grounded him, he admits it himself. It's seeing himself through Penelope's letters that gave him confidence. But that kind of confidence was not enough in the ton's eyes, and on top of that, between s2 and s3, this time Penelope doesn't write back, and neither do his family. He grows insecure, he's lost the one person who kept him grounded, he thinks his family is annoyed with him, and he still is in search of a purpose, so what does he do? He clings to Anthony's words in s1 after the disaster that was his engagement with Marina: he's too green, time to "fix" that and be more like his big brothers. They got it together, they know their purpose (well, Benedict lost his again but that's a story for another day), so surely, if he acts more like them, and not like the sensitive and naive boy he was, then surely everything will be alright! Right? Note that as opposed to s2, where he kept talking about his travels and it annoyed everyone, in s3 he doesn't go into details about them anymore, even when he's asked. They're only interested in the company he kept during the travels rather than the sights he saw. And honestly, it was heartbreaking to see right away how much of himself he was holding back, even with his own family. Penelope, however, gets the details without even asking because he already knows she likes hearing him talk about them and she makes him comfortable, and he's fully aware of that when he apologises in s3e1.

(I also want to note that, even if this new persona is fake, his new style genuinely fits him better. Just like Penelope, this season Colin found the style that makes him feel good and confident.)

And here's where I need to praise Luke's acting for a bit, because he absolutely nailed the subtle way Colin behaves differently with Penelope vs everyone else. His voice is softer, he is effortlessly charming (I was kicking my feet when he recalled how they met), his smile is bigger, even his whole face looks more relaxed whenever Penelope is around, meanwhile he always appears stiff and like he's calculating his every move when around his "friends". In fact, it is in the carriage scene we finally truly see s1&2's Colin back. When he has that look on his face, as he decides right there and then he's gonna marry her, and then a second later when he asks the question, his face. By God, his eyes are sparkling, he's so happy, and he looks as youthful and carefree as he did in previous seasons, far are the thoughts of trying to fit in a society that he hates.

Because above all, these two know and understand each other in a way no one else in their lives does. And that is a fact that remains despite the outward changes. So yes, I liked that their dynamic did not shift to romance because of their "glow ups", but because they are spending even more time together now. Speaking of which:

Part Three: Authenticity and Vulnerability

One big theme this season is being true to oneself. It's no coincidence mirrors are such a big part of it (even outside of the yet to be seen spicy scene), because looking at a mirror means looking at oneself, and be vulnerable. If s2 was about duty vs heart, eldest siblings trying to do right by their family to the point of self-sabotage, s3 is a battle between the head and the heart. It is not even exclusive to Polin - Eloise is learning and growing by trying to take genuine part in society but struggling to fit in. Cressida wants to become a better person, torn between the pressure put on her shoulders by her parents and this new friendship with Eloise. Benedict is looking for his purpose after learning Anthony paid his way to art school, and feeling like a fraud as an artist. Anthony and Kate are unashamedly in love, as they deserve to be after the struggles they went through last season. Francesca has no care for the suitors the Queen and her mother parade in front of her as the "sparkler" of the season (sidenote but I hated that, stupid name, should have stuck to diamond or select another gem) as her heart seeks out the handsome and quiet John Sterling instead. And this will continue in part 2, as Penelope will have to be honest about Lady Whistledown (because she's always her most authentic self around Colin, there is still this big secret she is so determined to keep to herself, when she should not).

The beauty about friends to lovers stories to me is the small declarations of love sprinkled throughout the relationship. It's about the trust already built in with no expectations and the vulnerability we'd never allow anyone but our closest friends to see, something even our family can be ignorant to. I mentioned earlier that Colin never shies away from praising Penelope, way before their dynamic shifts to lovers. He tells her she's good, constant, loyal, special, warm. All of these are declarations of love, even if not with romantic intent, it's about showing his appreciation for her, for the role she holds in his life. And Penelope responds in kind as well. That is why I believe people who think the romance was rushed in s3 either did not watch the past two seasons or see friendship and romantic love as two distinct things rather than a cohesive continuation of each other. In s1, people focus so much on the Marina stuff, as if that cancels out Colin's friendship with Penelope. We still do see Colin actively seek out Penelope at balls, and defending her against Cressida, he compliments her and tells her she's the one who inspired him to travel. Then s2 rolls in, and they're exchanging letters, which will become the cataclysm for their dynamic changing later on. And then there's one of my favourite scenes with them: them talking about their purpose. They both open up here, Colin about his insecurity, Penelope about her dream, it is so intimate. And then, there's of course Colin protecting the Featheringtons from ruins. I'm mostly emphasising Colin's actions, because Penelope's crush on him was always in your face, and while Colin may not have realised it yet, he's always cared about Penelope in a special way, as manifested by his actions and how vulnerable he allows himself to be around her, when even his own family has no idea about what's going on inside his head.

There's a misconception that Colin calling her his friend was him rejecting her, and yet we see in s3 he had no idea whatsoever that she has a crush on him, so he could not lead her on (unlike his book counterpart, who was aware of Penelope's infatuation and was careful never to toe the line until he realised his feelings. Show Colin though? Completely oblivious. And it makes sense, he's still young.) He asks Violet "how do you know it was reciprocated" and not "how do you know you're in love with your best friend". As of right now at the end of part 1, he genuinely thinks he's the one who fell in love first, or at least realised it first. His "You're Pen, you do not count, you're my friend" in s2, was not a rejection in his eyes, but a declaration of love; he's forsaken love and women but not his Penelope, never her, she's his exception And it's not like Penelope resented him for that friendship he so readily gave her, yes she had a crush, but she was proud to call him her friend! He was, with Eloise, her solace away from her family. At the end of the day, this is a friends to lovers story, it is silly to get upset that they considered themselves friends first before there is a click as they realise they are now on the same page to shift their relationship.

Side note but I've never liked the term "friendzoned" because it makes it sound like being friends is a bad thing. I've had unrequited feelings before but I've always felt grateful that being friends with them allowed me to stay close to them even if I knew nothing else could happen. I was still very much happy and content. But maybe I'm projecting on Penelope and that's another debate.

See, what I ended up loving about the lesson plot, which I was so wary of at first, is that Colin barely teaches Penelope anything. At first, he goes for the "do what society expects women to do" (since it worked for him) but then she acts awkwardly, she can't fake it, and it surprises him for a moment. That's when it clicks for him, she just needs to be comfortable because with him, she's always smart, witty and charming, she's herself. He's always seen her that way, and he did not quite realise he had that privilege in the first place. And I love how we see him slowly realise it is no longer a privilege thanks to his help. We see it in e2. When she talks to the guy with the dead horse (forgot his name, oops), Penelope forces the flirt and Colin is amused by it. Fast forward Penelope approaching Lord Remington by herself, without Colin's initiative, and she's being more authentic, and suddenly Jealous by Nick Jonas plays in the background and Colin doesn't look proud, but apprehensive, or dare I say jealous. The shift in Colin's head happens long before Debling is in the picture. I'd argue it already shifted earlier in that episode, in his study, which he flashbacks to in e4.

His journals detail how unfulfilled he feels when he lays with random women in his travels. He longs for emotional intimacy. And guess with who he finally finds that, when a certain red-head asks the one question that allows them to break the physical barrier they had to keep between them for the sake of propriety?

Ah yes, that first kiss. To Colin, everything has been building up to this, this is his true Oh moment. A favour turned into a revelation. For Penelope, this is quite literally the end of her fantasies. This is Penelope's most vulnerable moment. She bares her heart, she's sad, she's desperate. And some people have been calling that moment pathetic, interpreting it as her being weak and giving in to her crush again, saying that she should not have to beg for that man's affection. I concur that she is brave, and bold. I also concur that some of you all are a bit too attached to the girlboss archetype forgetting that allowing oneself to be vulnerable is also a strength. She's never had to beg for Colin's attention anyway because he readily gives it to her, but in this one instance, for once in her life, she is truly being honest. In her head, she has nothing else to lose, and she wants to experience the one thing she thinks she can never have so of course she's gonna turn to the one person she's always trusted and feels the most comfortable with, because before her crush, Colin is her friend. She's asking a favour from a friend. And then she can move on, whatever "moving on" will turn out to be. In this instance, she has the power in her hands.

And it is her bravery that is the true cataclysm for things to change properly. Of course, things have already started to change the moment she stopped replying to the letters, but that moment really expedited their relationship.

Part Four: Lovers, but in a best friends way

The thing with Bridgerton, in the books or in the show, is that each couple has their trope. This is not news to anyone, I think. We've had fake dating, and enemies to lovers, and one characteristic that these two tropes share is a growing tension between the characters before it snaps. There is a reason the early marketing for s3 focused on Penelope being cold towards Colin, tension and conflict are more appealing on the surface. And then the first half of the season comes out and that conflict between our main couple? Solved after one episode because they did one thing that is severely missing in most romance dramas: communicated healthily. Penelope laid out why she was upset (although she does not stay to let Colin explain and then vents out her feelings in Whistledown... she still has some learning to do), Colin immediately went to apologise and make up for it. All of this by talking. And yet I'd argue friends to lovers still has its own tension, just not to the same intensity as the other two, and more difficult to market. The tension comes from the brewing feelings, the way you start seeing every touch, every interaction, in a whole new light, and wondering if it's only in your head or if it's reciprocated. But now combine that with Colin who's always been so earnest about his feelings with Penelope? And Penelope who's always quietly wanted their relationship to evolve that way? Of course they figured it out quickly and got together in half a season. And I'm delighted that we will see them handle the whole Whistledown mess as a couple, as two people aware they love each other deeply, which gives a whole new meaning to the conflict compared to the book where I felt like it was brushed over a bit too quickly (because they got distracted in that carriage). It is the last secret between them, their last obstacle.

I also do not like the "Colin should have grovelled and pined more" argument, when he is the one who insisted on the lessons to help her find a husband in the first place, and then has to face the fact that actually, he doesn't like the idea of another man taking Penelope away, and oh, isn't that the consequences of his own actions? He is grovelling, you just don't see Penelope holding it over his head, because that's not the person she is, this is not a revenge fantasy story, in fact she does not realise the power she has on him because she is used to Colin seeking her out. I like that he didn't stew on his feelings and decided to act on them right away. I also don't like how this whole grovelling thing makes it sound like love is a competition, that just because Penelope has known she's been in love for longer and "suffered" longer, that means Colin needs to do the same to even the planes. Because in my eyes love isn't exactly something to be earned — it is given. Now, are you worthy to keep it? To nurture it and make it bloom and last? That is the real question.

Admittedly, since this is only the first half of the season, we do not see them in a romantic setting a lot. That first half is focused on them rekindling their friendship lost during the summer when Penelope stopped responding to the letters, and Colin having the realisation he cannot live without his best friend, not just because she is his best friend, but also because he loves her. But we do have two important, and obvious instances.

So let's talk about that first kiss again. It is, in my opinion, one of the most gentle and romantic moments in the show so far and also showcased their friendship really well. Colin trying to joke to lighten the mood as Penelope spirals down (peak best friend behaviour actually), the gentle, swelling music, the light of the moon, Colin's deep exhale of realisation as he holds her face when he goes back in for the second kiss, with the furrowed brows of a man on a mission. This is Penelope's most vulnerable moment and Colin's big realisation. And I felt like I was intruding.

And same goes for that carriage scene, but even before they go at it; now this is Colin's most vulnerable moment, and Penelope's realisation that they can be more. He chases the carriage by foot, then goes on his knees to confess his feelings to his best friend in the softest and most determined voice we've ever heard him use this whole season, eyes wide, tears threatening to fall as it is his turn to bare his heart and ask for a chance. Meanwhile Penelope takes it all in, running her hand through his hair because she can finally touch him, melting under him. Things get steamy. And then... and then... The carriage stops, they get startled, Colin jokes that the driver should have kept on driving and then... they laugh. They just made out, and went to second base together, and yet here they are now, laughing. It is such a genuine and lovely moment. And it's then that Colin has that look in his eyes, that "I'm gonna marry her" look. That is when he realises he cannot live his life without her. That his purpose is now right in front of him: making Penelope Featherington, soon to be Bridgerton, laugh until the end of their lives.

Conclusion

There's no conclusion, I just love them so dearly. Yes, there still is the whole Whistledown mess to deal with and sure, the argument with Eloise may make you think great angst is ahead but if there is one big difference between Colin and Eloise, it is this: Colin has always listened to Penelope, and this is not a diss on Eloise. Eloise, bless her heart, can be pretty self-centred, she's loud and a bit immature, something she is growing from in s3, and you cannot ignore that she did not really listen to Penelope (she has no idea Penelope wishes to marry when Penelope tells her she does in s1, we can blame the writing, but I do think it fits with Eloise's journey to realising how privileged and dismissive she is. Penelope was too polite to call her out until their falling out. Meanwhile Cressida is exactly the type of honesty she needs for a wake up call). Colin, on the other hand, is very sensitive and a good listener. Furthermore, this season, Penelope is learning to be more confident, to voice what she wants, and I like to think it is leading to her finding her own voice and not needing Whistledown to hide behind anymore. If there's someone with whom she has no filters, it is Colin, so I have faith that when the reveal happens and an argument breaks out, this new Penelope will not back down and will lay out all her reasons and all her regrets, and Colin may be stubborn, but he loves that woman and he always listens.

A part of me also wishes they keep the jealousy he felt about her writing in the book, and that they don't focus just on the whole "you lied to me" aspect (we've already had that with Eloise). How he, himself, is insecure about his writing, and here Penelope is, less fortunate than he is, and yet who did have the courage to get her writing out there, even if publishing under another name. Because that is also a reality in relationships, when your partner is at a different stage in their career, and how they can communicate to support one another.

Anyway, I'm just rambling now (as if that isn't what I've been doing this whole time). I like them. A little. Just a bit. I'm very normal about them <3

[herrscherofinsanity]

Love's Compass

Summary: As usual, wherever you go Jimin is sure to follow, but this time around it is obvious that she cares about you as you explore a new city together.

Fluff

Yu Jimin (Karina) x fem!reader

Word count: 1.2k

This are the same Jimin and y/n from Yours Truly by the way.

_____________________

The morning sun bathed the unfamiliar city in a golden glow as you and your manager, Jimin, stepped out of your hotel. The anticipation of exploring a new country fueled your excitement, and you couldn't resist the urge to document every moment. Armed with a camera and a vibrant personality, you decided to vlog your entire adventure.

"Good morning, beautiful people!" you addressed the camera with a radiant smile, your free hand gesturing towards the bustling streets behind you. "Today, we're exploring the enchanting city of Barcelona, and I've got the best companion with me." You turned the camera to Jimin, who responded with a playful wave.

Jimin chuckled, "She dragged me into this, but I'm ready for whatever chaos she has planned."

“Oh please, you wouldn’t last a day without me” you teased your manager.

“It’s literally my job to make sure you don’t get into trouble or cause a scandal” Jimin smirked at the camera before walking ahead of you.

Your first stop was a bustling market, where vibrant stalls displayed an array of colorful fruits, handmade crafts, and local delicacies. You couldn't contain your excitement, pointing the camera towards a particularly enticing food stand.

"Look at this, everyone! We've got Barcelona's specialty right here. Jimin, are you ready to try some?"

Jimin, eyeing the unfamiliar dish with a mix of curiosity and caution, nodded. "Alright, let's do it. But if I regret this, it's on you, y/n."

You shared a few laughs and exchanged playful banter as you sampled the local cuisine. The camera captured Jimin's genuine reactions, from the hesitant first bite to the delighted surprise after realizing how delicious it was.

The vlog continued as you kept wandering through vibrant markets, sampled local delicacies, and marveled at architectural wonders. Your commentary provided a blend of information and humor, making the audience feel like they were right there with the two of you.

"Okay, everyone, we just stumbled upon the most charming little café," you exclaimed, the camera now focused on a quaint establishment. "Let's go in and try some authentic Barcelona coffee!"

As you sat in the cozy café, sipping on rich coffee, you couldn't help but capture the candid moments between you and your manager. The laughter, the shared glances, and the easy camaraderie spoke volumes about your connection. Even though you hadn’t explicitly said you were in a relationship with Jimin, it was obvious to anyone who looked at you for more than two seconds. You weren’t going to hide how much you loved the other girl, it was just a bonus that your fans were always pushing you for more romantic content.

"Isn't this place just magical?" you asked, turning the camera towards the decor. "And speaking of magic, let me introduce you to my favorite travel companion, Jimin!"

Jimin chuckled, playing along with your enthusiasm. "Hello, world! I'm just here for the coffee and the chaotic vlogging sessions."

The day unfolded with visits to historical landmarks, encounters with friendly locals, and impromptu dance-offs in the city squares. Your vlog showcased not only the beauty of the destination but also the genuine bond between you and your manager.

As you strolled through narrow streets lined with historic buildings, you couldn't help but marvel at the architecture. The camera, now capturing the surroundings, shifted to Jimin.

"Jimin, what do you think of this place?"

Jimin looked around, taking in the sights. "It's amazing. I never thought I'd get to see such beautiful places. Thanks for bringing me along, Y/N."

You smiled, "Anytime, Jimin. This is as much your adventure as it is mine." Jimin returned your warm smile and quickly turned the other way; however, you didn’t miss the way a blush spread across her cheeks.

_-_-_-_-_-_

As the day transitioned into the enchanting hues of the evening, you found yourselves on a charming rooftop overlooking the city. The soft glow of city lights illuminated the skyline, creating a magical atmosphere.

As you were setting up the camera for another shot, you couldn't help but steal a glance at Jimin. "You know, Jimin, this view is breathtaking, but I think there's something even more beautiful right here." You turned the camera towards Jimin, who raised an eyebrow in playful skepticism.

"Are you getting cheesy on your vlog, y/n?"

You chuckled, lowering the camera. "Maybe a little. But seriously, Jimin, this city is incredible, and sharing it with you makes it even more special."

Jimin's gaze softened, the city lights reflecting in her eyes. "I feel the same way, y/n. This trip... it's been amazing. And being with you, exploring all these places, it's like a dream."

Seizing the moment, you set the camera aside and stepped closer to Jimin. "You know, there's something I haven't vlogged about yet." You reached into your bag and pulled out a small, intricately wrapped box.

Jimin's eyes widened with curiosity. "What's this?"

"A little something I got for you," you said in a sing-song tone, handing the box to Jimin.

Jimin carefully unwrapped the box, revealing a delicate necklace with a pendant shaped like a compass. You smiled softly at her, "It's a reminder that no matter where we go, as long as we're together, we'll find our way."

Jimin's eyes sparkled with gratitude as she examined the gift. "y/n, it's beautiful. Thank you."

You took the necklace and gently placed it around Jimin's neck. Your fingers brushed against each other, sending a subtle electric pulse through both of you. Your gaze lingered on Jimin's eyes, a silent acknowledgment of the unspoken emotions that had grown between the two of you.

Jimin, her fingers tracing the pendant, met your gaze. "This is perfect, y/n. I... I never want this trip to end."

Feeling a surge of warmth, you cupped Jimin's face with your hands, softly caressing her cheek with your thumb. "It doesn't have to. Every day with you feels like an adventure, Jimin."

And in that rooftop sanctuary, surrounded by the city's whispers and the promise of countless tomorrows, you and your girlfriend shared a quiet moment that spoke volumes. The city below faded into the background as you leaned in, your lips meeting in a soft, tender kiss—a kiss that held the essence of the love that had blossomed amidst the exploration of new places and shared dreams.

_____________________

As the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a warm glow across the cityscape, you took a moment to reflect on the day's adventures. You turned the camera towards yourself, the city lights shimmering in the background.

"Alright, everyone, it's been an incredible day exploring Barcelona with my favorite person in the world. I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings! Until then, sending you lots of love and positive vibes. Don't forget to like, subscribe, and hit that notification bell for more adventures!" you smiled brightly at the camera, Jimin simply waving goodbye with a soft grin.

The vlog concluded with a montage of your day, set to a cheerful soundtrack. You turned off the camera, feeling a sense of fulfillment in capturing these precious moments. Jimin leaned over, planting a sweet kiss on your cheek.

Jimin grinned. "No, thank you for bringing me along on this crazy adventure. I wouldn't want to explore the world with anyone else."

"Thanks for making today unforgettable," you whispered, the warmth of the moment lingering in the air.

And as you stepped into the night, hand in hand, the city continued to unfold its wonders, echoing the magic of your journey together.

_____________________

A/N: Yours Truly is probably my favorite work I've done, so I decided to explore it a bit more. I might end up doing this again some other time. Thank you for reading!

[sapphicbookclub]

Author Spotlight: Talia Bhatt

We're excited to highlight Talia Bhatt, author of the current club read Dulhaniyaa. Read on to hear how her identity and experiences informed her writing, and how queer love is a jailbreak.

“Desi trans lesbian” feels, sometimes, like an ephemeral identity.

I am situated nowhere transhistorically and barely transculturally, having to borrow the language, social trappings, and forms of identification of the nation(s) that colonized and impoverished mine to even express my embodiment and positionality coherently. In a world where Afsaneh Najmabadi can pose the question “Is any one of you a lesbian?” to a room full of Iranian transsexual women and get blank stares, as she relates in Professing Selves, or where Deepa Mehta notes in her groundbreaking lesbian romance Fire that Hindi lacks even a word to express the concept of a woman loving another intimately, romantically, carnally, I am unmoored and unfixed, an anomaly because I dare to imagine my transsexuality independent from men.

“Woman are for men”, assumes every culture with harsh patriarchal contradictions—which does not entirely exclude the West—and trans women doubly so, since the abhorrence of non-heterosexual modes of living and social organization leads many from cultures like mine to presume that a woman would only transition to be with a man. A profound loneliness dogs my very existence, alerting me to the wispy shadows of a shrouded past that barely had a record of women like me prior to the midpoint of the 20th Century, only whispers and rumors and sensationalist gossip scrawled in academic journal by Esther Newton, alluding to the idea of a “man” that, having availed of hormones and surgical interventions, now sleeps with lesbians—the scandal. 

No ancestors that are mine to claim.

Dulhaniyaa is not a particularly melancholy book, though a certain pensiveness pervades the opening chapters. There a story within the story written in subtext, in allusions and word choices and snippets of dialogue, that Esha and Billu and Dolly and others are aware of: my homeland, my motherland, my culture and my nation and my state—it is not a place for queer women. It is certainly, emphatically, not a place for a trans woman who fancies herself still attracted to other women, or even indelibly non-binary in a way. Women like us have no names, no pasts, and almost certainly no futures within the narrow confines of the constructed and stifling heterosexual hegemony.

A reviewer was kind enough to sum up Dulhaniyaa for me better than I ever could, stating triumphantly that “Queer love is a jailbreak.” It’s a quote that has stuck with me both for how simply it states a core theme that I certainly labored to convey without necessarily consciously meaning to, as well as for how profoundly vast and unencompassable the prison I find myself in is. My shackles are Time and Language itself, my cell the land I was born in, my wardens its people. I am a refugee in a sense that many, many queer and especially trans people tend to be, evicted and disowned and erased from hearth and homeland.

I wrote Dulhaniyaa because someone broke me out of that cell. She saw the woman I was as well as the woman I could be, and helped me bridge the gap between the two. She is now my wife.

Queer love is a jailbreak. Get your pickaxes ready.

[panelshowsource]

I lied. put your clothes back on. we're going to talk about...

how angus deayton absolutely could have recovered his career but ian hislop and particularly paul merton relentlessly mocking him — not joking, not poking fun: as paul himself put it, "stabbing him in the front" — was arguably the determining factor in the bbc abandoning him. paul was always a bitch about the fact angus was the face of the show and (rightly or so very wrongly) believed he and ian did all of the heavy lifting in regards to comedy and political commentary, calling angus "dull" and holding his popularity against him — and over the course of six, seven, EIGHT years working on the series together struggled to maintain a professional facade to mask his bitterness. to belittle angus' signature acerbic wit and then make yourself feel like the better comedian by not satirising but crossing the line into publicly humiliating someone was shameful and, at the time, should have said more to the bbc than anything angus did (coke and call girls). after angus was sacked, only comedians who felt they could publicly oppose the institution that is the bbc stood up for him, including jo brand and famously stephen fry, who called the network's decision "greasy, miserable, british and pathetic" and said he was "very, very, very cross with the bbc and paul merton and ian hislop for allowing angus to go" (he ultimately boycotted the show and never appeared again)

and i will NOT entertain the suggestions that

angus couldn't come back from 'he was in a position of mocking the news but then became the news to be mocked' because yes. he. could. have. come. back. from. it. but regardless there are other roles on tv he could have transitioned to..........

paul was personally offended by any element of angus' scandal (the melodrama of it all give me a fucking break!!! and not paul talking more shit TO THE PRESS after angus was gone!!! we get it you didn't like him okay he's already gone!!!) OR felt embarrassed/generally incensed on behalf of the network or programme, which he barely respects so lol

both paul and ian backtracked "enough" in later years

like WHAT!!!EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if i was angus i'd have needed a fucking good therapist for the last 20 years to get to the point of not stabbing paul's and ian's voodoo dolls every single day

[invisibleicewands]

https://parade.com/tv/michael-sheen-a-very-royal-scandal-prince-andrew-interview

Michael Sheen Calls Royal Family ‘Running Soap Opera’: ‘We’re Kind of Fascinated and Obsessed By It All' (Exclusive)

When it comes to the British royal family, Michael Sheen has "complicated thoughts." 

"I suppose a mixture of things," the Welsh actor explains to Parade. "There was so much respect and admiration for the [late] Queen [Elizabeth] that she had devoted her life to the service of this country and did an amazing job. The royal family is an institution. When you think about the tourism it attracts and the position it plays."

To Sheen, having a "sort of figurehead" in the UK who isn't a politician also "makes a big difference." He says, "It sort of allows for a separation between certain things that maybe allows us to have a different kind of attitude towards our politicians here because a King or a Queen exists."

"So in the kind of ecosystem of our culture here, the royal family clearly plays a very important part, regardless of how you feel about issues of privilege and wealth and all that kind of stuff," Sheen adds.

The Frost/Nixon star stepped into the shoes of British royal family member Prince Andrew in Prime Video's new drama A Very Royal Scandal. The three-part series, which premieres September 19, is based on the Duke of York's infamous 2019 Newsnight interview with Emily Maitlis. 

"When it was shown on TV for the first time, I think, like everybody else who watched it, particularly in the UK, we were just gobsmacked," Sheen recalls. "It was hard to understand how what we just watched, how it could have happened. You know, how did that come to be? What were the circumstances that allowed what we just witnessed to happen? And, of course, our story is exactly that. It's about looking at what are those circumstances. How could a man of such power and privilege allow himself to be put into a situation voluntarily, where he is put under such scrutiny and made to be so accountable?"

From how he transformed into the Duke of York for the series to what he thinks of King Charles, continue reading for Parade's exclusive interview with A Very Royal Scandal's Michael Sheen.

I was blown away by your transformation into the Duke of York... What went into becoming Prince Andrew for this series?  Playing a member of the royal family is a challenge because, on the one hand, there's a lot out there about them, obviously. But it's usually very controlled and stage-managed. When there's public interactions, [it's] in a very controlled and organized way. And then, of course, there's a lot of gossip about what happens behind the scenes and that kind of stuff. The royal family is our longest-running soap opera in this country, so we're kind of fascinated and obsessed by it all. But it's quite hard to sift through the facts from the fiction, and that's just generally speaking with the royal family. When it comes to Prince Andrew, it's a bit like a hall of mirrors, particularly around the episodes, the issues that we're dealing with in this. At the heart of this story and at the heart of the character, for me, was a mystery. I don't know what he did or didn't do beyond a certain point. We know up to a certain point. We know about his relationship with this person and that person. He went to this place and this kind of stuff. But then beyond that, we don't know. 

And so, as an actor, I have to make choices. I need to know what my character did or didn't do in order to play the scenes. So I had to make choices. They were not necessarily reflective of what actually happened in real life. I don't know, but I had to make choices. I'm not going to say what those choices were because I don't want to affect how people watch it. That was a challenging aspect of it compared to other characters I've played based on real-life people. There wasn't that same element, kind of mystery and the unknowable there.

But I watched the interview itself, I mean, hundreds upon hundreds of times. And to begin with, of course, in order to get familiar with the interview, knowing that we're going to portray it. But as time went on, it started to kind of reveal things. The real minute details of it that you wouldn't necessarily notice watching it on TV for the first time, or even for the first few times. But when you've watched it hundreds of times and listened to it, you start to pick certain things up that were kind of hidden to you before, that became real clues to me to areas of him as a character that I could explore in the rest of the piece, not just in the interview. So that was really the heart of it, was that interview.

At what point when you first watched the interview were you like, "Oh, this is going south quickly?" I mean, I think the same as everybody else! When it was shown on TV for the first time, I think, like everybody else who watched it, particularly in the UK, we were just gobsmacked. It was hard to understand what we just watched, how it could have happened. How did that come to be? What were the circumstances that allowed what we just witnessed to happen? And, of course, our story is exactly that. It's about looking at what are those circumstances. How could a man of such power and privilege allow himself to be put into a situation voluntarily, where he is put under such scrutiny and made to be so accountable?

People just don't do that. People in those positions just throw money at something for it to go away and not deal with it, and never put themselves in that kind of vulnerable position. So, for me, the questions I had to ask were, what does it take for a man to think that's going to go well? And what does it take for a man to get to the end of it and think it did go well? And everybody else who [was] watching sees a car crash, sees an extraordinary thing. So that was very revealing in that he allowed himself to be in that position in the first place and felt that it had gone well afterward. That tells a whole story, or at least makes you start to ask questions about that person and their life and their circumstances that would allow for that. 

Did playing Andrew affect or change your perception of him in any way? Oh, it definitely did. Yes. It did. It had not really struck me before in the same way about the fact that, clearly, a big high point in his life was the Falklands War. It had a huge impact on him. I assumed that a royal would be put in this kind of safe place in a war. But he was right in the thick of it. He was in the action. He put himself in real danger. And so then to see him come back from the Falklands War, when he was a young man in uniform, having performed acts of courage, adored by women in the UK, and sort of worshiped almost, the tabloid frenzy around him, about his relationships and all that kind of stuff.

And then to see what has happened since then. Through a natural process, [he's] aged. He sort of lost those looks. He's got further and further away from the center of interest of the royal family as the "spare" as he's known, the brother who's not going to be king. The brother who is going to be king has more children, so he gets moved down the line. And I found that really interesting. That had never really struck me before. That for someone, from the outside, who seems to have so much, to have everything you could want, to get an understanding that from his point of view, he seems to be denied so much. He seems to have lost so much. And to be on the outside of things so much, that definitely changed my perception.

Have you heard anything from Andrew's circle, or from people with close ties to the royal family about your portrayal of [the Duke of York]? Well, obviously, it hasn't gone out yet. I haven't heard [anything]. I very much doubt whether I will. It's a very closed world that I would be very surprised if I did hear anything. It's always a strange thing to play a character based on a real person. You inevitably feel a responsibility towards that person. Even though I'm trying to portray something that is very much warts and all and very rounded and has complexity and all of that, you still can't help but feel a responsibility in the fact that you're portraying a real person who's gonna have real feelings about it, and their family and all the rest of it. The job I've done on it,  it's not going to please everyone. People will come at it with such preconceived ideas and opinions about a person. So, I don't know. But I just hope that people recognize it as a real human being.

You met the late Queen [Elizabeth] and received an OBE from her in 2009. When it was reported in 2020 that you had returned it, you spoke about getting to a time when there would be a sort of changing of the guard in the royal family. [This September marks] two years since the Queen's passing. I'm curious: What are your thoughts on the royal family today?  Well, I think, as we do as a nation here, have sort of complicated thoughts about it, really. I suppose a mixture of things. There was so much respect and admiration for the Queen, that she had devoted her life to the service of this country and did an amazing job. The royal family is an institution. When you think about the tourism it attracts and the position it plays. I think the fact that we have a sort of figurehead in our country that isn't a politician makes a big difference. It sort of allows for a separation between certain things that maybe allows us to have a different kind of attitude towards our politicians here, because a King or a Queen exists.

So in the kind of ecosystem of our culture here, the royal family clearly plays a very important part, regardless of how you feel about issues of privilege and wealth and all that kind of stuff. I think it was always going to be a challenge for someone to take over the mantle of the late Queen. But [King] Charles seems to be doing a very good job of that, and seems to be providing consistency in challenging times. He was always a man who, in the past, was quite free with his opinions. And I think people were worried about how that would work and whether that would have to change. But it seems like he's doing a very good job of that at the moment. 

Is there one member you haven't met who you'd be keen to meet in the future?  I would love to meet Princess Anne. She seems like such an amazing person, and funny and smart. She seems to handle that position very, very well. She seems to be one of the most charismatic of all the royals to me. So I would love to meet her.

[batboyblog]

I don't see leftism as becoming significantly more "mainstream" in 2016 compared to other points in the past. More politically significant compared to the immediate previous decades, sure, but no more significant than in the 1960s/70s or 1930s or 1910s. And it sure feels like there's some lessons from those earlier periods that are not being learned.

I mean leftism has no clear definition so it's hard to say, do we mean just narrow communist or revolutionary socialist parties? then for sure earlier periods, when out and out communist and socialist party candidates ran and won, it was more mainstream

and even in the late 60s and 70s membership and the Influence of socialist organizations, particularly with the youth, was higher for sure

but if leftism is a label that vaguely lumps together the left of American politics and we're talking about vibe, energy etc

I'd say that post 2016, it was a lot like 1968 to 1972, 1970s figures like Bella Abzug or Father Drinan were a lot like 2018's "the Squad" and Bernie Sanders' 2020 campaign not unlike George McGovern's 1972 run.

While we didn't see the blooming of fringe socialist parties like the early 1970s, the DSA reached a level of "respectability" and "mainstream" that groups like SDS in the 1960s never managed. They've managed to ruin it just like the SDS but for a second there the Democratic Socialists of America were in the Democratic Party's big tent.

I think 1968-72 is a good comparison but of course 2020 and 1972 turned out very differently, the Party nominated a more acceptable to the public candidate in 2020 and Democrats won the election, rather than going down to crushing defeat. Nixon's time in office was ended by a wave of scandal, while Trump was voted out.

but in both cases the left has fallen apart into back biting and being ineffective.

[sappymix1]

on a related note. its so interesting to me how many creator scandals lately have been related specifically to poor labor practices and I really feel like that's something that we're going to see even more of as matters such as the qsmp stuff and everything with mr beast becoming more and more publicized. and because stuff like twitch and YouTube especially in the covid/post-covid era became a way for people and often very young people without any sort of business background to suddenly and in many cases I imagine somewhat unknowingly be in charge of the livelihoods and well-being of all these other people. and I don't know what kind of guidance they're receiving but it wouldn't surprise me at all if they're getting and seeking out very little. and I get it because if you're not thinking about it -- how do you decide when it stops being friends working on a creative project together and becomes a business with you in a boss role and them in an employee one? like obviously you shouldn't need someone to tell you not to be borderline committing fucking war crimes but a lot of this other stuff its in such a weird gray area that's so unregulated and I get why creators struggle to navigate it. and I don't know -- should YouTube and twitch and these other platforms take some sort of responsibility for basically harboring and in some cases financially supporting these weird business-friend-random collaborator mixes when they do become problems? should they be providing support behind the scenes to their creators to make sure that they are able to navigate running what has turned into a business appropriately? and what about the people who are finding themselves in employee roles? like with the qsmp stuff -- the people who are ultimately victims of this incompetence and irresponsibility are often young people who lack experience in the industries they're entering and don't realize something is wrong bc they just don't have the knowledge to. and I feel like they especially should have some sort of support in order to recognize these and advocate for themselves, but there's no sort of oversight or sense of commonality that offers them that protection. its all just very difficult and messy and im interested in seeing how it evolves because I feel like a lot of what was normalized on a large scale particularly within the last few years is coming to a head now.

[liminalpebble]

Between the Lines, Chapter 5

Minors DNI

Cw: Dubcon

Masterlist link

Chapter 5

You sleep soundly through the night. He makes sure of it.

You only stir ever-so-slightly with an adorable little mumble when he rustles the duvet, sliding in next to you. It lightens his ruminating mood just a little. The prince lays on his side, and releases a long pensive sigh, hoping thoughts of what he'd just done would be whisked way with it. He tells himself he's still in control, and that's all that matters.

But he's not, entirely, and it matters a good deal less to him than it ought to. Loki doesn't dare let that idea surface. He holds it underwater and hopes it will drown.

He reaches his hand out to cradle the curve of your back, but hesitates; watching your shoulders undulate to the tempo of slow inhales and exhales. The moonlight paints a soft glowing highlight over you hair as it cascades around your neck and shoulders. You're so beautiful like this. He has to feel it...feel you; has to assure himself that you're really here and tangible.

He dares to touch the pads of his fingers against a lock of your hair, slyly, and light as a feather. You don't notice it consciously, even as iridescent green ribbons of light glimmer around you, enchanting you with the sweetest dreams and the deepest rest his magic can provide.

Loki smiles faintly, hoping you'll appreciate the romantic dreams he peppers in; the two of you together, flesh against flesh, fingers lacing through hair, the smell and taste of warm skin and the salt of sweat, the weight and rhythm of entwined bodies consumed by electric pleasure.

Beneath the fatigue, he suspects you must be aching as badly as he was, and he's determined to ease that splendid ache, if only in your mind...for now.

He tries not the think of how you must have been dripping deliciously between your legs all evening, incandescent with need beneath all that shy fear.

She wants me, clearly, as much as I want her. So why all this hesitation?

He knows the answer.

Because we're strangers, he reasons.

Or a least, Loki is a stranger to you. You couldn't know how his voracious studying lead the prince to your vast body of work; the fiction and poetry you'd penned, even your immaculate academic papers and petitions to do away with banning and censorship.

He even followed news of the work you'd accomplished as a librarian and archivist, preserving priceless knowledge. You were relentless and whip-smart. Any scrap of information with your name attached to it had begun to make his heart beat a little faster. He'd never felt this way before; infatuated and flustered by someone so completely from simple words on a page.

Before long, he felt that he knew you so completely; your interests, intelligence, bravery and endless imagination, even your sense of humor. Yet, it wasn't enough. He was telescopically focused on finding the version of you between the lines of your work. He pined after the details of you; your favorite foods, your favorite flowers, what you longed for from a partner, what frightened you the most and what gave you joy. Did you smile often? What did it sound like when you laugh? Was anyone there to hold you when you cry?...Did you like to dance?

He was consumed with the need to know you...really. He had to meet you.

So, Loki did what he does best. He schemed, and schemed well, using this avenue to bring you to his door...to his bed. There was no other way within your society to engage (not without a devastating scandal).

And, yes, this would still be a scandal, but much less of one than an honest courtship would be. No one would be particularly surprised that the god of chaos suddenly changed his mind about taking concubines. Most would probably shrug their shoulder at the hypocrisy. What could one expect from the god of lies?

Nothing good. He thought, sadly, No one ever expects anything virtuous from me.

He could never let you know the depth of his fascination with you...of course he couldn't. You'd think him desperate, some kind of deplorable obsessive.

It's not as if I planned to fall so hard for her. It just happened. I just...

For all the silver-tongued rationalizing he was capable of, it failed him now. Apparently, he couldn't do it for his own sake.

This is far from the first mess the god of chaos has ever made, but, for once, chaos has found him in return, and it has burrowed so deeply into his heart..into the core of him.

You turn on your back languidly as you sleep, interrupting his thoughts. He moves closer tucking himself near enough to gaze down upon your face; that beautiful face. He's pleased to hear you let out a soft breathy moan, knowing you've found one of those sinful dreams he'd given you. Your hand hovers up, reaching for him.

Warm...your fingers shock Loki with their warmth. They curl along his solid bicep pulling him closer, and though he is so much stronger, he relents easily as you gather him into your arms.

Loki curls eagerly against you. He holds you close enough that his lips brush your cheek and he kisses softly; your cheek, your temple, the curve of your jaw, your neck and shoulder.

But not your lips, no, he wants to save that indulgence for when you are wide awake.

In your sleep your breath hitches and your back arches. He holds you and watches as your body shudders in climax against his sturdy frame, lost in the heat of imaginary coupling. The sweetest dream you've ever had.

You give one last luxurious sigh, and it reaches him like incense ascending from an alter to a god; an offering. He nuzzles against your chest, falling asleep to the lullaby of your slowing heartbeat.

He smiles furtively, like a fox, then kisses your cheek, satisfied with his good work.

Good night, sweet one.

----

You wake up slowly. To your surprise you wake up alone, and apparently, untouched.

I guess he is a gentleman after all.

Still, you vaguely remember sweet dreams...wet dreams. You blush at the memory, feeling how wet you still are between your legs. Although the sex was imaginary, the climax certainly wasn't. The odd pleasure of it, considered in the light of day, it is decidedly disorienting.

The prince's vast chambers look so different in the morning, cozier and less imposing. Like their resident, you imagine their personalities can vary vastly in the span of a day. You shake your head, wondering if you'll ever really understand him, his actions, or his motives.

You look for some kind of note, but find none. He has, however, left you everything you might need in neat piles; clothes, toiletries, a scrumptious array of food. The double doors to the library have been left wide open for you. You drift around, exploring what you assume will be your new home.

The thought crashes over you like ice water.

My new home.

You heart feels impaled. You want to go home...your real home, but you can't. There's a tightness in your throat and a claustrophobia itching and buzzing at the edges of your senses.

You test the doors leading outside, or at least out of his chambers and into the main castle...every single one, and there are many. You jiggle each handle once, twice, thrice, a dozen times, to be sure.

Locked...all locked. You're not really sure what else you could expect. Of course he would lock you in your cage like a pet canary. He owns you now.

You try not to think about that as you make a pathetic attempt to eat, or as you bathe, or as you change into fresh clothes, with the hope that all these familiar rituals in such an unfamiliar place will make you feel better, but they don't.

They can't, because you didn't choose your food, or your clothes, or even the scent of your soap. Nothing is yours. Even your existence feels borrowed...borrowed from him.

The thought makes your stomach turn, and though it's been hours and you're famished, you don't dare to try eating again. Time marches on and the sky changes in great vistas of color through the tall windows. It feels as if it's teasing you, mocking you.

No, you think, he's the one teasing and mocking me. I can't blame the outside world for going on existing, whether I get to experience it or not.

Finally, as dusk descends, you resign yourself to your situation. Finding a comfortable chair, you gather yourself into it like a disconsolate child. You have no sense of how long you've been there once the main doors finally click open again and footsteps echo towards you.

@lokischambermaid @lokisgoodgirl @peaches1958 @thenerdyoldersister @thedistractedagglomeration @muddyorbs @mischief2sarawr @icytrickster17 @goblingirlsarah @sweetsigyn @unlucky-number-13 @mochie85 @acidcasualties @alexakeyloveloki @loz-3 @jennyggggrrr @ladyofthestayingpower @mischiefmaker615 @loopsisloops @sailorholly @coldnique @smolvenger @ijuststareatstuffhereok89 @gigglingtiggerv2 @anukulee @azula-karai-27 @eleniblue @marcotheflychair @litaloni @gruftiela @literatureatthebowofnails @meowmeow-motherfucker @wolfsmom1

[drumlincountry]

how about some old style blogging

feeling blown about by the winds of history recently. might be the election. Some of it is Palestine.

The evil empire in which we all live is particularly obviously evil and particularly obviously an empire at times like this. I'm thinking a lot about how the Irish became white, how we are both colonised people and now neo-colonisers.

Last night my mother showed me a small paperback book which belonged to my great-grandfather & I was reminded again that my grandfather's great-grandfather (I think?) landed in our area from probably-galway and the family managed to hold onto speaking irish for A CENTURY until my granddad married an english woman & decided it was rude to teach their children a language she didn't know. I love my granny, but come oooooooon.

& you know my mother did become fluent in adulthood and did her best to pass that on but. you know. failed. Love to have my tongue cut out.

The book was Tóraíocht Dhiarmada agus Ghráinne, and my great-grandfather had annotated it with loads of little pencil notes. That generation is gone & i can barely understand their language. The generation after it is gone except for my great-aunt who lives in Texas. There's a lot I will never know.

I've been thinking a lot about the image of sustainability vs the reality of sustainability. Greenwashing, etc. A lot of people think 'traditional ways' are greener. some of them are. A lot of people think modern high tech solutions are greener. Some of them are. the reality is that we are based in 2024 & no other generation has had to face the crisis we're facing & trying to lift solutions wholesale from any other time will be. ineffective.

So yeah. Image vs reality. sometimes the difference is hard to spot. A solid fuel stove burning wood which is locally grown (using native species, in an area suitable for woodland) & coppiced on a sensible rotation = VERY SUSTAINABLE. A solid fuel stove burning most firewood you can buy = I HAVE MY DOUBTS. A solid fuel stove burning turf = I'M SORRY BUT THIS IS SO SO BAD.

Empires are bad for the environment. This is so basic it feels like it shouldn't have to be said. Empires are bad for the environment!

Irish people only really started burning peat at scale in the 17thc I believe? because colonisation had denuded the landscape of its ancient forests. That great big british navy you know. Those ships had irish bones, among others. My point being: poor people have to make environmentally destructive choices to fucking survive.

The ecological footprint of my lifestyle is largely invisible to me as a citizen of the global north. I don't see the exploitative mining practices, farming practices, manufacturing practices. This is part of the evil of empire. The decision making is concentrated in the imperial core & the imperial core does not give a flying fuck about the ecology of the colonies.

Eating locally sourced food doesn't have much impact on ur carbon footprint btw, but it gives u more transparency.

The artist who designed jamie's engagement ring for me only uses Irish silver in her work, because she knows that 1. Ireland is bound by EU environmental regulations 2. Ireland has SOME level of worker protections 3. If a massive scandalous breach of these standards occured in a silver mine in Ireland, she'd hear about it somehow.

This is part of why I have this quiet worry that my work will betray me. For those who don't know: my job is about paying farmers to be good to the environment.

A few problems with this. 1. commodifying the environment is a dangerous game. if you STOP paying someone to be good the environment they're more likely to stop being good to the environment than they would be if you never paid them in the first place. Think like - paying people to donate blood. the rate of donations actually goes down. 2. if we're going to pay people around here to de-intensify agriculture & we all end up eating food produced in exploitative conditions at the imperial fringe. Well that would fucking suck! 3. the whole idea of the work rests on the idea that people who own big chunks of THE LAND have the right to do whatever they want to THE LAND & the rest of the community (& the state claiming to represent them) can only nudge these land "owners" to do things for the common good. bit too fucking libertarian for my taste. Whatever our paperwork may say, you can't own mud. mud owns itself!!

4. the conservative libertarianism baked into this system isn't a side issue. the fact that land is mostly passed down thru male lines, the association between the farm and the patriarchal family all leads to .....bad fucking politics! lotta queerphobia, misogyny, racism, climate change denial. I see this all the time with the people i work with and it is heartbreaking. If we manage to reverse some ecological destruction without in any way undoing the power systems that birthed it. uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. We'll have done some good. but I'll be unsatisfied.

Yes you can quote me on that. I will not be satisfied unless my little job teaching people about wildflowers and hedgerows topples the empire of the global north.

Will they betray me? They're already betraying me all the fucking time. Today at work my coworker told me he thinks a local fascist 'had a point about immigrants'.

I betray me too! Not that way, but I'm a tool of empire. I'm dangling money in front of ppl without much of it, enticing them to do what the EU & the state wants them to do.

Today for work reasons I stood in a field and articulately defended the need for farming to continue in Ireland b/c of the benefits it can provide for climate change mitigation and ecosystem maintainence AND the value of our heritage and our traditional attachment to the land. Two people asked to exchange numbers at the end because they want to hear more. I agree with what I said, but it wasn't even half, a quarter of the picture.

The root of the problem is: we have become white. We have become colonists. The Common Agricultural Policy of the EU drives what happens with farming on Many continents & only one of those continents gets to vote on it. If we continue to exploit Africa, South America & Asia for our food, we are like the British cutting down the Irish forests for their ships. The root of the problem is: none of us are free until we're all free.

Last night I held my great-grandfather's book in my hands and remembered that I am living a life beyond his wildest dreams. I have a bright & warm home. Clean running water. Electricity. Cupboards full of food & I don't have to break my back toiling in the fields. I studied in a university. I've travelled farther than he could possibly have imagined.

But if all that comes at the cost of oppressing people the way he was oppressed? I don't want it.

Of course I want it. Everyone wants ease and comfort. I just want it without the cost. I need to not want the cost more than I want the ease. That's the only way to have a soul.

I have some knowledge of what life is like at the bottom of the heap. I am a strong believer in destroying the heap entirely.

I get so very annoyed when anyone refers to a two story house as a 'cottage'.

[billpottsismygf]

Rogue

Oh wow, I have some complex feelings to work through with this one. Up front, really fun idea and very funny script and performances. There were quite a few moments that had me laughing out loud (the shed, the OK exchange) and I love the whole set up of these aliens who want to cosplay as humans in the regency era. It also connects nicely with Rogue's love of DND. I feel like I might have missed something when they seemed to know that the Duchess was a Chuldur, but I'll see if I catch that on rewatch or not.

As always, I adore Ncuti here. He's so funny and charming as the Doctor, but I particularly loved that we got to see his darker side here. It was only a glimpse, but that line about 600 years being a long time to suffer was quite chilling and very reminiscent of the "he was being kind" speech from Family of Blood. Indeed, it is quite a ruthless end for the Chuldur! They're sent to a random "barren" different dimension! It reminds me quite a bit of the relocation gun from Rosa and how much it was shown to be one of the worst things you could do to someone (and Ryan uses it on the white supremacist guy). Brutal!

Ruby and the Doctor didn't get to spend much time together this episode, which is a shame because we haven't seen all that much of them together for three episodes in a row now. I can't help but think it's a sad consequence of the tiny episode run that we barely get to see this Doctor and companion interact, so although I loved the Doctor calling her his best friend, and I especially loved her giving him a hug at the end and making him deal with his emotions, I don't feel that connection as much as I'd like to. Equally, when he's devastated to think she's been killed, it would have hit so much harder if we'd seen them build up a real relationship. They have a lot of natural chemistry, so you still very much believe them as best friends, but it feels like we're missing a bit of the depth there.

Okay, now, the romance! I was quite apprehensive about this one because it looked like there might be something going on between the Doctor and Rogue, and that was further fueled by a comment Millie Gibson made in an interview about this episode showing a different side of the Doctor. The reason that made me apprehensive is entirely down to my personal preference, which is that I like it when the Doctor is more a-spec. As it turned out, this episode managed to be both better and worse than I worried. Better in that it was beautifully acted, had fantastic chemistry, and I loved the scandalous gay dancing (very reminiscent of the Torchwood episode Captain Jack Harkness). Worse in that it wasn't just something happening to the Doctor, that he's swept up in, but instead something he's actively pursuing.

Again, this is entirely down to my personal preference for the Doctor's characterisation, but the way that this pushes further than other instances of romance/kissing/etc. upsets me a little. It reminded me somewhat of The Girl in the Fireplace in places - inviting him to see the stars; the tragic ending - but the difference with that one is that she kisses him. I don't know, it's a relatively small distinction but one that matters to me. The Doctor has had romances before, and the more overt they are the more I dislike them (eg. all the River Song stuff), and nowhere has the Doctor more actively flirted with someone new, expressed attraction to them numerous times and deliberately kissed them than here.

On the other hand, it's very gay and I have to like it at least a little for that. It gives us a more obviously queer Doctor than Thirteen and Yaz and they had a whole arc! (Not to bash Thirteen and Yaz; I actually quite liked how that went down in the end, but again that's due to my preference for an a-spec Doctor, which jived very nicely with Thasmin.) Obviously, this doesn't invalidate any readings of the Doctor as aro and/or ace, especially as that can mean many different things, but it messes with my personal view of the Doctor's sexuality, and how I prefer them to be portrayed. For me, if the Doctor is going to participate in sex or romance, I'd rather it be understated and uncertain or unintended from the Doctor's end. Now I know what to expect from this one, I may become desensitized to it with time and enjoy it more for its merits. Still, I can't change the fact that it's just fundamentally not what I want from Doctor Who the character.

Misc

I love that the battle mode for the earrings came back. I wondered if it would when it was first mentioned, then promptly forgot about it entirely.

The comparisons between Rogue and Captain Jack Harkness are obviously numerous, and it's very funny to me that Jack would definitely be pissed off that he lost out on kissing the Doctor like that to someone who was basically a carbon copy of him.

More singing, since people are taking note of that. Love a bit of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory!

I was cringing a bit while the Doctor was dancing to Kylie, but also glad he got to do that after the Master has had several camp pop dancing moments.

Speaking of Kylie, I wonder if the Doctor has ever noticed her uncanny resemblance to Astrid Peth.

We got a nice little flashback with Carla telling him to keep Ruby safe as well, which reminded me a lot of Jackie.

The faces of the Doctor's various incarnations looked a little strange. I couldn't actually tell who some of them were meant to be. Am I crazy or was one of them Richard E Grant, like from Scream of the Shalka (and the Great Intelligence)?

I said this already in another post, but it was dedicated to William Russell and I criiiiiied!

[fromtenthousandfeet]

"...[Jimin's success] which makes everyone's peaches burn..."

Well, what a lovely--and satisfying--image.

Thank you for sharing posts like these from Twitter for those of us who don't use/avoid it. (like me!)

I don't know about other platforms, but I've noticed this is how the discussions go down on Reddit:

A. Person brags about JK's dominance. Everywhere, including SK and the U.S. Shades Jimin's success, because of the freefall after the #1 or because Spotify isn't a reliable indicator or because JK has gp name recognition.

B. 2nd person points out that JK did receive a lot more promo than anyone else, particularly Jimin. Lists all the things Jimin did NOT receive.

A. 1st person (pre-SGMB) That was Jimin's CHOICE. He wanted a traditional SK roll-out. He was on Beat Coin, so that proves they received the same amount of promotion!

1st person (post-SGMB) But it got more promotion than NGL! And Scooter had NOTHING to do with Seven! (He has a BB award that says otherwise.) Taylor Swift gets SO MUCH more promotion! (huh?) OMG, you are an akgae!

I think the scandal surrounding NJ, the company mismanaging the launch of RM's album, and then obviously doing next to nothing to promote MUSE has broken a dam. No BTS fan or solo needs to take this sh*t anymore. I can guarantee you that I won't.

The enemy here is not any single member. The enemy is the guy who built a freaking empire off their hard work, their sacrifice, and their talent. The petty little man who uses them as a cash cow to fund his projects and thinks they can be easily replicated with the right "formula."

Furthermore, we need to ask ourselves why Jungkook fans are so insistent that we disbelieve the evidence of our own eyes and instead parrot their claims that JK didn't receive any special help from anyone--least of all Scooter! Why do they defend the company so hard? Why are they so dismissive of the other members--particularly Jimin--as to deny them a fair shot?

We get accused of being akgaes against one member. But aren't they akgaes against ALL the members?

#JiminStrong #Jimin

It's a pity the term gaslighting is used so frequently and freely, to the point of being meaningless. But what's going on with pushing JK's solo career so hard, combined with the absolute insistence by JJKs that he hasn't received every possible advantage to succeed is gaslighting. And the fact that both the company and fans engage in this gaslighting with equal glee is enough to make a person mad. If you've ever been on the receiving end of gaslighting/narcissistic abuse, then you know what I'm talking about.

This is a good video about gaslighting, even though it's a bit long. Recognizing the signs of gaslighting can save you so much pain (don't ask me how I know!), Many of the behaviors she describes will sound familiar.

There's tons of evidence to show that Jimin has stood out from the start - Gallup polls, brand reputation rankings, solo songs charting on US Spotify charts, and so on. The proof is everywhere, and yet fans are told that it was and always will be Jungkook who is the superstar. Gaslighting is a tactic used by narcissists and cult leaders to control people. Usually the best and only true solution to this abuse is to have no contact with the abuser. The second best thing, as she mentions in the video, is to find supportive people who haven't been swayed by the abuser - people who still understand reality.

This platform is a place to find people who haven't fallen for the lies. And increasingly, as we see on Twitter and other platforms, more people are waking up to Jimin's unequal treatment and saying so publicly. I think you're right that we're seeing a critical mass of PJMs and few ARMYs standing up for what's right. Or maybe I'm delusional because I've got damn near every JJK blocked on Twitter.

If anyone feels compelled to engage with JJK gaslighters, the less said the better because no amount of evidence will sway them. One word response like "incorrect" or "no" are more effective than long explanations.

We know HYBE uses a number of techniques to gaslight fans into believing Jungkook is miles above the other six members, but it's strange how many fans are equally committed to denying reality and tearing solo fans of the others members down. The armchair psychologist in me thinks this has to do with a group of people who have low self esteem and get a vicarious boost of confidence from Jungkook's supposed success/dominance. People with a good self image/mental health aren't going to spend their days on the internet trolling others and insisting that Jungkook is second coming of Michael Jackson.

At some point we need to talk about how Big Hit has actively cultivated codependency within the fan base and how they use that to milk fans out of their time and money. I really want to dig into this more, because it's unfair to BTS fans and to the members themselves.

[rivetgoth]

I honestly think as someone who goes out clubbing (or to an adjacent nightlife social event) like 1-3x a week on average, and especially as like, a kinda faggy short guy tbqh, I would say genuinely one of thee biggest like, skills to learn is how to both be appropriately discerning and able to read people's vibes quickly to stay safe but also not close your heart completely to new people and give the appropriate benefit of the doubt as well?

I think I'm a particularly picky person when it comes to meeting new people tbh, I will pretty quickly decide someone is not trustworthy over what may appear to be minor missteps but it is because it's not a risk I'm willing to take. especially after the aforementioned years in the nightlife mentioned above. But I also really try to leave room for understanding that we're all awkward and weird and many of us in the scene are autistic and/or otherwise neurodivergent or struggling with social skills and we're in a community literally made by and for weirdos where drugs and alcohol are often involved; nobody is perfect, so it's learning to have an open heart and not have preconceived biases or make assumptions about people but also like, being willing to shut down shit that turns you off fast.

Like not to pat myself on the back but I'm gonna be honest, I have had soooooo many cases where I met someone, got a Weird Vibe, which sounds shallow but I don't mean "ooh they act kinda funny" I mean "huh that person showed subtle signs of not respecting boundaries like touching strangers without consent even if in a trivial/harmless way" or "that person made some off-color jokes or comments that while not in and of themselves entirely unforgivable could way too easily speak to a deeper more insidious world view," decided to politely distance myself and not pursue forging a relationship with them beyond casual acquaintance at best, and then was given confirmation later on that they were a genuinely physically dangerous person with a history of abuse or violence.

Like, the reality is there are a lot of predators in the nightlife. As much as it's this wonderful fantastic weird alternate reality where you can be your authentic self and explore these facets to your character you would not be able to in the daylight, play with fantasy and identity and have the freedom to play and express yourself in these wild ways, it's also a cover for genuinely dangerous people who are detached from all social dogma and feel that they can justify their behavior in these more lawless environments where stuff like kink and more "edgy" behavior is seen as more socially acceptable. For all of the absolutely amazing people I've met, literally pretty much all of my closest friends and relationships have formed from the underground / alternative nightlife scene, there are also pretty frequent allegations and scandals. It's the unfortunate reality, and while the very best events and promoters cultivate safe spaces to the best of their abilities, you can't keep 100% of them out.

I feel lucky in a weird way that I've developed what I think are pretty decent self preservation skills via being a weird fucking kid my entire life who has cultivated the vast vast vast majority of my relationships with other weird people (affectionate). I have so much love in my heart for genuine eccentrics and I think it is SO IMPORTANT to work actively to unlearn biases about what a Trustworthy or Untrustworthy person might look like or act like when they are not fucking hurting anyone, but I also don't give the time of day to people who make me uncomfortable. Basically I think learning what your own boundaries are, learning to communicate them, and learning to shut down those who invade them is just like, a genuinely necessary skill for being out in the nightlife. You need to know what you want and what you are and are not okay with. You need to learn pattern recognition—did this person stumble over their words once and say something that came out wrong, or does this person have a habit of making inappropriate remarks? Is this person exhibiting behavior that other people who have been dangerous or predatory have exhibited in the past? Can you make a reasonable link between that behavior, and the more predatory, overtly dangerous behavior?

[thedreadvampy]

fuck me so the migration bill passed in Commons yesterday.

still gotta go through Lords so it MIGHT get slightly defanged but let's look at how well that worked for the Police, Crime and Sentencing Bill last year which passed into law despite native public outrcy with most of its anti-protest and all of its anti-Traveller clauses intact. and there's not been nearly the same degree of concerted protest against this one yet.

in a bid to """""""stop the small boats"""""", the bill will:

Override the rights enshrined in international law to seek asylum, instead prioritising the Home Office's new legal duty to deport any undocumented migrant to concentration camps in Rwanda. yes I said concentration camps they are mass internment camps for a specific group of people to be incarcerated indefinitely without trial. that is what a concentration camp is. here's home secretary Suella Braverman laughing in front of the "estate" built in Rwanda to house deported asylum seekers

allow for indefinite detention of children suspected of being undocumented until they can be removed to the Rwanda camps. Tory rebels said 'could we not have to review that after 3 days to justify their detention?' and the Tory government said 'no but if we pass the bill we pinky promise that we'll think about maybe adding in an indefinite review period at some point' so it passed.

remove temporary protections allowing people claiming they've been trafficked as slaves to stay in the UK while their case is reviewed, and to recieve some support and leniency if it's found that they are Literally Here As Slaves. that's off the table in this bill, if you get trafficked to Britain as a slave who give a shit it's off to Rwanda with you buddy. even former PM Theresa "We Have To Create A Really Hostile Environment For Immigrants" May was like hey steady on there lads. that is incredibly specifically going to make preventing modern slavery way harder because who the fuck is going to come forward and say "help I'm being enslaved and trapped against my will in bad conditions in an unfamiliar country" when the thing that the government will do with that information is trap you against your will in bad conditions in a different unfamiliar country? NOBODY IS GOING TO DO THAT meaning that victims will be penalised in law for being victimised and traffickers will face even fewer consequences. which to be fair is the Tory playbook.

it's fucked. it's fucked and I feel so sick about it and so afraid of how overtly fascistic and genocidal this government continues to get.

meanwhile their new voter ID laws are in place and they've already been caught lying to voters in high-opposition areas by sending out flyers from party HQ claiming you don't need ID to vote. which you now do.

it's very bad lads. it's very very very very bad.

in the past 24 months we've seen a constant flow of legislation targeting Gypsy/Roma/Traveler communities, migrants, LGBTQ+ people (particularly trans people), disabled and chronically ill people, and protesters and dissidents. meanwhile we're in our biggest cost of living crisis in 45+ years, protections for the poor are being stripped and national services are being privatised.

the best case interpretation as far as I can see is that they expect to be ousted in the next General Election (but that isn't until 2025) and are getting everything they want to do in terms of attacking human rights and wellbeing as far as possible so that the next government will struggle to roll them all the way back

the thing is though that Labour are just nodding along with all these policies and are in the process of aggressively removing the remainder of open leftists from the party's core power structure, having already removed the ordinary membership's ability to guide party leadership or policy, and the SNP, which has often lately been the only meaningful opposition party in Westminster, is in freefall and on fire over an embezzlement and corruption scandal. that plus the voter suppression laws and control over media that the government are wielding FEELS A LOT LIKE even if we make it to the 2025 election we might still get another Tory term.

Winter of Discontent...2!!!! has been something of a damp squib - there have been widespread strikes but little obvious impact. this winter felt like the time things were gonna snap but I'm just not sure we're ever gonna snap hard enough.

Idk I feel sick as a fucking dog. I don't know what to do. If anyone knows of any ways to help (in Edinburgh, I can't travel easily out of the city) with the Migration Bill situation or with stuff more broadly, hmu. I'm pretty well tuned in on trans rights and abortion rights protests but I don't have connects for most other stuff.

[panie-wanie-dean-bean]

My totally very anonymous fantasy is. Snuggling with you :3 perhaps even some cuddling if we're feeling particularly scandalous

It says, as though it hasn't actively messaged you about grinding in your lap as a greeting

Gasp! How lecherous~

[soulsisterif]

Favorite place to kiss/be kissed? For all LIs if possible, if not Margot and Abbie

I love this one (also been sitting here for months)

This ask reminds me, *sighs* I'm so single...

• Abbie: lips/lips

She likes kissing you on the lips and you kissing her on the lips because, damn it, she didn't spend years dreaming of being with you just to exchange friendly pecks on the cheek.

Besides it's not a place so scandalous that she can't kiss you anytime she wants, and she can keep the kisses going for longer. A hand kiss can only last so long, but a kiss on the lips can become a make out session ☝️ She is very familiar with most parts of your body; has kissed your cheek, stroked your back, brushed your hair, held your hand. It's only fair that she gets acquainted with your tongue, as well.

• Irene: cheek/hand

She likes kissing your cheek because it's not a particularly invasive kiss, and it allows for you to easily get away or return her affection. The last thing she wants is make you uncomfortable. Besides, if you happen to blush she can feel it right with her lips.

She likes you kissing her hand because it's not an improper place to kiss someone, and it doesn't attract that much attention from others. And most importantly, she can see you. She can see you kissing her hand, and treasure the memory like one treasures a faded photo. Then, when the kiss stops you can keep holding onto her hand and seal the warmth your lips left there with your fingers.

• Joanna: collarbone/neck

She likes kissing your collarbone because there's a clear line for her to trace with little, sweet pecks, long hot licks, and cheeky, loving bites. She'll cover the distance from one shoulder to another, and with your chest and throat so close by she can hear and feel every little sound she manages to steal from you.

She likes you kissing her neck because she can talk to you. She can whisper in your ear how soft and warm your lips are, and how good you make her feel when you suck on her skin. She can remind you that you're allowed to mark what's yours.

• Vega: inner thigh/spine

She likes kissing and being kissed there because they are intimate places, the kind you don't get to kiss when there are other people around. There aren't that many instances when your face gets close enough to someone else's naked thigh or spine, so when one manages to land a kiss there, it's deliberate and significant.

Just you, her and a sincere display of affection that's meant for no one else and has no aim but to deepen your bond. When you're sitting together in public and she places a hand on the inside of your leg you'll instinctively move your palm to her back. No one else will know what your smiles are about.

• Margot: jaw/forehead

Likes to kiss your jaw because she has a hard time initiating or asking for affection and the jaw is easy to reach whenever someone kisses or hugs her, so it's a perfect spot to show some love to without looking overly eager.

Likes you kissing her forehead because those kisses usually linger, and they also demand you to be close enough for her to kiss your jaw in exchange. She's not sure how to be affectionate without an invitation so her favourite kisses to get are the ones that allow her to show you she loves you too.

• Dawn: temple/chest

Likes to kiss your temple because it allows for both, very intimate kisses when she's holding you close for a long time, lips lingering on the side of your head, and more lighthearted, appropriate, quick-peck-because-we're-in-public kind of ones, but you know the intention behind them nonetheless.

Likes you kissing her chest because, especially for a woman, it's an easy place to sexualize. Someone kissing her chest without making her feel uncomfortable is very meaningful to Dawn.