#if ur coming here to be like 'ooh but its not supposed to be good but here's why-' idc

[lady-lessobian]

Gonna be so for real it's weird as fuck for people to be shipping mouthwashing characters,,,,,, like did we not take any of the themes away from this

[ko-the-kreator]

I compared their heights and my boy is so small he's just slightly over half ur boys height, gawd ur boy is tol

I love it, absolutely love it

Just imagining Ezy threatening anyone who tries to hurt the man who dwarfs him lmao

Bro looks like a chihuahua next to him, i can't JDJDDJDJ

I am imagining this and I cannot stop laughing. Oh my jesus, how tall is the fluffy boi? I’m going to guess like 6’0? My lord? Pfffffft. HAHA.

He be so tiny. Thank goodness you did a size comparison this helps me a lot with the animatic. AND THE LORE.

I just expanded and updated it.

So hear me out.

Aspen, the human that got all caught up in a demon deal, descends and wakes up in the In Between.

She wanders the large city, and ends up in Devil’s Keep. The only thing is -she glows like a damn light bulb because she still has a soul and a bright one at that. This sweet bb is just like…🥺. Since it is always night down below, well Aspen doesn’t know yet, she wanders into Sin City Bar, where she realizes that its patrons are all dead, or demons. And this glowing entity of a human just strolls right in. Right up to the bar where she is greeted by Mellie, an antlered girl who immediately takes notice of Aspen’s whole ass predicament.

Since the boss is in his office (Bernard) she is really biting her fist on this one, should Mellie really bother the boss? So she gets the next possible thing.

The twins.

Which wasn’t the best idea and Aspen is ran out of the bar and back out onto the street in a fit of terror.

Switching to Bernard’s POV the bar is still booming and he decided to take a smoke outside at the back of the building.

He begins to notice he may not be alone. He calls out to whoever may have been out there, he wouldn’t be surprised to get into a fight out here, but it was best to be careful.

[yeah, really Bernie? You having to be careful-ooh wait I forgot Arthur Demose kicked your ass but what that was like back in 1919 or some shit]

So he calls out while he drags in smoke from the cigarette. And then Aspen comes from the shadows, glowing so brightly that he has to shield his eyes. At first he is like “Holy Hell, why is there an angel in the in between?” But then he sees that Aspen is not in fact an angel, but a human.

One that was still alive.

And not supposed to be here.

It clicks that if anyone gets their hands on them its over for a life that wasn’t quite done yet.

“Hey uh, you? How’d you get all the way down here?” And Aspen looks up at him with the most innocent look.”

And she tells him she doesn’t know-one minute she’s helping a girl on the street from being mugged the next thing she knows she’s down here.

He eventually helps her inside his bar, clearing it out and shooing out customers. Bernard is doing everything in his power to make sure no one saw her. Even though she has already entered the bar from earlier.

He shrugs off the coat he has on because -fashion and throws it over the too of her, carrying her into the bar.

Mellie points “is that?”

“Yes.”

“We are in way over our heads.”

The twins are of no help since they high tailed it out of sight before he got in.

So the only other option is to…get the help of another damn nephalem. The only other one Bernard could think of was Ezekiel since most took to Topside with the other fluffy winged bois.

[this is where your boi comes into the lore- think about it]

Ezekiel lived way out of the city, on the outskirts in The Ruins. They were from the war there, about a century or three ago. Bernard couldn’t remember-too much fighting for him anyway.

[enter your lore here about Ezy]

Anyway ends up helping to get the girl back home, but they’d have to get the help of Elder Asphodel . By the time they travel to meet the elder demon to send the young girl back the first thing that happens is that Demose sends his demons to search for the living soul that was in the in between. He has never seen a soul that strong nor bright.

And he wants it.

The second thing hey have a weird encounter with a soul of a man, in which hitches a ride back to the human world alongside Mellie, Ezy, Bernard and Aspen.

Elder Asphodel is a nice grandpa character :)

[“Oh dear,” The old elder frowns, stepping down from his flowered throne. “You poor young lady…you must’ve been terrified.” 10/10 would braid flowers into her hair]

They send Aspen back and put her back where she came from. But as soon as they get her there.

They have to erase her memory, so that she can never know about the other realm.

Which is sad of course? Right?

Really sad. So she knows its better this way. And for the sake of her parents and their human lives, its best if this happens. Its not really a heartfelt moment. But they all say their goodbyes and were on their way before anyone saw them.

Except they can’t leave.

The In Between closed their doors, and now every single thing that Bernard feared at that moment just happened. They call upon The Elder Asphodel and their is basically nothing but static from the other side.

The four beings Bernard, Ezy Mellie and the Lost Soul are all trapped in the human world.

And that fucking sucks.

Not only that Mr Asshole himself, Arthur Demose is tearing through the void with his little team of demons going after that one strong soul. And he will do everything in his power to get it.

As for Bernard and the others? They gotta do something. Anything to get them back home. This is worse than anything that could have happened to a demon.

Worse than Hell itself.

However, they choose to head back to Aspen, knowing that if they couldn’t get home, she was going to remember them.

And good to know she did, but when they show back up-some shit goes down and now its a roadtrip to get four other worldly beings back home before the ruler of one of those realms destroys Aspens world.

That’s all the basic need to know lore for right now.

[sorry for it being so long lmfaoooo we can brainstorm Ezy and Mellie’s story too if ya’ll want XD] @mellietanya1456

[darthnell]

Ahh reading this now !! Love ur comments so much friend ♥️

HAHA yeah Bethia is just a Tad surprised that theres suddenly blood everywhere.. if that was Supposed to happen, now it would’ve been a different story…

Yee Ven lost a lot of body weight in the arena.. ;-; human physiology isnt my area of science, but i imagine being injured for so long while lowkey being in near-starvation mode Didn’t Help.. feel like it takes energy for ur body to try and Fix the injuries in addition to maintaining aliveness..

Ven and her sad are unfortunately cut from the very same cloth aughh ;-; learned a lot from him both consciously and subconsciously.. smthn smthn nature vs nurture

HAHA so as soon as I realized I needed to name Ven’s doctor I was like. Well I Have to make it a stupid pun. Hence Dr. Astic and how she overreacts when things dont go her way…

The convos w Ven and Oberon this chap are some of my favorites fr ;-; (they also took me so long to Get Right because theyre. So important to myself and also the story.. yea ;-; )

No muzzle !! :D for now.. omg more friend art wah !! Take ur time theres no rush !!

IM GLAD U LIKED THE BIT ABOUT HER WANTING TO HOLD HER MOMS HAND BUT CANT.. i also rly loved that line ;-; its like. Phantom pains but also the idea of phantom actions. Idk man.. also another example of Ven acting more childlike since her victory (like her tantrums and her sleeping in her parents bed for comfort).. like. I see the capitol viewing the games as a coming of age experience for the victor (and that is partially what this story is i guess) because the tributes are just kids but the victor, once they win theyre not a kid anymore, they lived thru the horrors and they should be proud (it should be a Good thing). They’ve changed and grown.. Venatrix has changed and grown. But unlike what the capitol wants to show, it hadnt been good. The games are a horror that no one should ever have to experience, they don’t make you better. Ven is def lucky that she can rely on her parents rn bc no one has ever gotten that before like this. But. Yeah.. her acting more childish in the aftermath if the trauma instead of like the trained warrior she is.. idk man ;-; sorry that was a long tangent LOL.

Eridan !! Yeah i couldnt just. Leave him there ;-; Ven winning was a good opportunity for him to slip back into Two without much fanfare ! Plus i think at this point the capitol probably wasnt getting anything interesting from keeping him there anymore.

Kitty sucks fr. Very self centered..

LOL yeah Ven has always been prone to anger.. the new trauma is not super helpful for her self control 😭

Ooh re: light, thank you !! Light/darkness is something that’s v useful imo for creating the Vibe.. i feel like its one of the easier visual cues too..? Or like. Most effective.. idk LOL

HAHA u keep picking out my fav lines from the chap ♥️♥️♥️ i love games rewatching can u tell.. i also like unintentionally reused a bunch of the post victory moments from riin’s for ven’s but like. It works ok.. especially this rewatch for Ven and Oberon.. ive talked a lot about the first time Ven and Oberon watched his games together and how that was a formative childhood memory for her.. it just felt Right to circle back to it now ;-;

Haha fifty anvils dropped on ur head.. that funny bc it also makes me feel like that!!! 😭😭😭 but yeah . Rly important moment for Ven and Oberon here ;-; like Ven succeeded at everything she’d spent her whole life working towards and shes just now realizing that she has to like. Keep Being. She gets to want things now!!! And as much as Ven and her dad have their struggles (esp Now), he understands that because he’s been through that already ;-; and they will definitely keep having their struggles after this moment but. Idk felt rly important to Acknowledge this.. good thing about career victors is that theyve got an inherent built in post victory support group ! (Though that in itself def differs by district…)

The return to Two will be fun yeah.. ;-; only a few chaps left for True Vengeance itself, but I will def be exploring more of that in Ven’s post victory fic !!

Ty again for reading and for your lovely comments, I look forward to them !!! :D ♥️✨

Chapter 68: Lunatic's Privilege

Setbacks plague the newest Victor, but finally, she can begin her journey home. It is a privilege not to be alone.

[i8jisoo]

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘 𝐊𝐈𝐃𝐒 ⇉ skz with pregnant!reader

felix x reader | part six of dad!skz

↬ genre; fluff

↬ warnings; pregnancy, slight relation to sex, birth

↬ notes; this took so long lmfao i just had it sitting but i’m finishing up seungmin rnnn 🤓 i’ve been doing requests whew i just have EVERYTHING coming at once

u guys r really surprised 

u two had been in a relationship for four years now so this was inevitable as u two were putting off the pressure of marriage for awhile now

“woah, i’m gonna be a dad!! does this mean u have to call me daddy now?”

0_0

u r s e n s i t i v e

felix first notices this when he gives u a kiss in the morning n ur crying like two seconds after

:((

“why are you crying??!”

“you just leave so early and i miss you!!”

felix skips the day, not rly caring he just wants to cuddle u 🥺

speaking of cuddling u two r so cuddly together now

u guys just cant get enough of each other

ur at practice less often just bc of media and he thinks the house is safer for u

so the boys come over a ton more to the dorm just bc they wanna see u and spend time with u

he is so cute, whenever he sees you he’ll instantly be on his knees to kiss your baby bump and leave u with a light kiss on ur lips

u guys go to ur scan at the beginning of the second trimester

its hush hush and ofc felix has u with the best doctor hes heard of 

his hands are clammy asf, hes smiling and so dazed while he stares at the ultrasound

“look at that!! baby a and baby b!!”

felix is like, 

“oh im gonna pass out”

now he gets these corny ass JOKES like

“wow lix has really GOOD swimmers!!!”

“felix knows his way around the bedroom!!!!!!!!”

poor baby jeongin :( they are POLLUTING HIS MIND

he doesnt but this boy is scared shitless now, two babies?? thats a lot to handle

he likes to shop, a lot. 

for some reason everything is dog themed, puppies on everything and he’ll come home with bags of baby stuff everyday

lix is just so in love with your body

sweaters, t-shirts, hoodies, anything he owns, he 100% wants you to wear it

he might be a little excited at the thought of u in his clothes, it was usual but now u pregnant, he was a little MORE excited

abnormally this guy worships your body 100% 

he loves how easily you can just unravel, to the point of tears and have u begging for him to stop

ok lemme not ill start writing shit type smut anyways chile yes lix loves u A LOT in and out of the bedroom

mmm he’ll always be brainstorming names

aeygo for the babies 🥺

tons of kisses he has plenty to go around

he acquires a new skill called cooking 😣

ur his new favorite taste tester

he’ll read books for them both

tons of research on expecting twins and what to do

“hey, okay.. so i bought a pregnancy pillow, and like, i wanna use it?”

felix has this smirk, holding the huge pillow that is supposed to be a maternity one, but he much prefers himself using it as a regular pillow

he actually goes public with this, knowing that the fans adored u after being his girlfriend for so long nd u soon became a favorite for them

some shit like ‘stays meet your new members’ 😣

this guy has a knack for painting, his newest canvas is your large baby bump, doodling little flowers n hearts or animals on it, sometimes painting characters on it or whatever it may be

u two have this rly cute vlive together which consists of him painting ur baby bump, plenty of fun while he asked stays to tell him what to draw on ur bump :v

“ooh!! a ladybug!!”

he posts the finished project in nice high quality on their official instagram, showing off the many things he had painted

the dreaded bed rest comes into play

u are now nearing seven months, which meant that u should be experiencing labor or maybe labor pains soon

he takes his paternal leave, now indulging in ice-cream and gummy bears with u, rather than working out and drinking nasty smoothies

guess who has that sympathy weight 

(jk he just uses it as an excuse so he can just give up on his diet)

sleep all day

sleep all night

u two are honestly so tired for WHATEVER reason

lix is there to be a cuddle bug, pulling ur back close to his body, ur legs entwined and his hand on top of ur own that was on ur bump

its rly cute just try and picture it for a moment

u guys r trying everything to hurry and get to the end of this seemingly forever pregnancy

he’ll def buy two yoga balls instead of just one for u and he’ll bounce on them with u

who cares ab trying to hurry up y’all are having so much fun regardless of the fact u have to pee every ten minutes

u both forget the thought of it and just go with the flow

making a deal to go with the names for whomever u claimed aka baby a or baby b

i see ur guys timing to be during the summer so its miserable in ur house

its hot n stuffy

u two r just lounging n u both have popsicles, then ur just like

“oh! oh.”

it was a steady gush of fluid between ur legs and that was when the nervousness set in

u two just look at each-other in shock

“oh! we’re having a baby- um.. wow!”

he is abnormally good at keeping calm, helping u keep ur breathing steady and getting everything together 

felix is a pro.

u guys r kinda chilling in the parking lot just quiet and sort of nervous that the next time ur walking out of there you both will have not one, but two babies

“i don’t know if i’m ready yet.”

felix groans, grabbing ur hand

“ur right, ur more than ready. look at us!! parents of two in at least the next twenty-four hours!!” 

his hands r around u in a second to help u up and there to help u walk in

u two honestly decide to play games on ur phone to kill time

felix crawls into ur bed, seeing as how u looked extremely lonely, letting his arms and legs wrap around u n he’s just playing with ur hair

its honestly adorable

u two are really tired for whatever reason, falling asleep like this before u would be consumed in the late nights of being parents

these nurses wake u both up and are just like

“let’s see if we’re ready to meet ur babies!!”

felix is kinda scared but nonetheless he’ll grab ur hand and hold onto it with a smile

10cm woo!

if he wasn’t hyping u up before he is hyping u up right now

ur somewhat laughing and crying while in pain

yall r so weird

felix is there to wipe ur face with the wet cloth, or to give u a sip of water, rly whatever u need he is on it

poor baby just wants to be of help

“here’s baby a! it’s a girl!”

u two have at least a moment with her, taking in her small appearance, felix holding her out for u to see

abruptly cut off by baby b needing to make an appearance

“i don’t wanna do this again.”

“it’s alright, shh. we’re going to have two babies, two perfect ones. we have one little girl, let’s get ready for the next one, yeah? our two babies, you’re doing so good.”

they take away ur little girl while felix does what he already did beforehand

“here’s your second one!! we have a pair of sisters!”

u and felix are so overjoyed at this news, literally sobbing, u two r a mess

both r brought over to u, felix taking in the fact he’s a father of two girls, such small girls

ur both smiley while u kiss them n cuddle them, getting the nurse to take a picture of u two

ur obviously tired, felix emotionally worn out but having the brightest smiles on ur faces while u hold onto ur pair of newborn girls

he’s so proud, he’s the definition of a proud father

lix is holding onto one and he comes over to you, the other one cooing

“that’s it, my three girls.”

©️ maysdiors 2020 :: all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.

[beelsnack]

Hi!!! I LOVE UR WRITING AND I MEAN A LOT! Its the first time EVER I ask for something and I know you are the right person! I don't know if you can write a HC of a female MC or it NEEDS to be neutral but just in case: How would the brothers react to a fem MC who is like"flat", (almost no breasts) and is super insecure? If you only write neutral, how would they react if MC was insecure because they have no curves at all and they think they are plain? THANKS A LOT 💞💞

Omg I’m??? So honored?? Thank you so much, I hope I can live up to the praise. ^////^

Yeah, I can def write a female MC! My only rule regarding MC’s gender is that you specify in the request if you want a certain gender for the MC. Other than that, I default to gender neutral pronouns!

I feel like I kind of mixed the two versions of your request together without meaning to, lol. This ended up being more like a fem MC who thinks they are plain. I hope you like it regardless!

I’m sorry this took so long, friend. I was in a bit of a creative slump and I wanted to put my all into your request!

CW: Suggestive situations, but nothing explicit

-----

Lucifer: “Come on, stop staring.”

Lucifer smirked from his position beneath her, using one arm to prop himself up while the other reached up to trail along her jaw. “Am I not allowed to admire your beauty?”

“I’m not beautiful,” she muttered, glancing away shyly. In the heat of the moment, both of them had discarded a majority of their clothes, but now that she had a moment to think, she hesitated. “Especially not compared to you.”

“I wasn’t aware that our relationship was a beauty contest,” he sat up fully, brow creased in concern. His hands made their way to her waist, steadying her as she straddled his lap. “Tell me what’s on your mind, my dear.”

She bit her lip, face growing warm. “It’s just…wouldn’t you prefer someone more…more?”

“My dear,” he chuckled lowly. “You are already quite the handful.”

“I meant…physically.” she crossed her arms over her chest, and Lucifer couldn’t tell if it was a subconscious gesture or not. “I’m not exactly…you know, well endowed.”

He was quiet for a moment before sighing and tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “If I wanted to be with someone based solely on appearance, I have my pick of the whole Devildom. You, my dear, are the only one who had managed to enrapture me with more than just your pretty face.”

Mammon: “Hey, human! Check it out!”

Mammon actually knocked on the door while he spoke, they were making progress.

She looked up from her schoolwork and smiled at him. “What’s up?”

“The Great Mammon is on the front cover of Devil Today, that’s what!” he tossed the magazine he had been carrying on top of their textbook. Splayed across the front in full color was Mammon, staring coolly over his sunglasses at the camera. The only change from his normal attire was swapping out his normal brown and white jacket for a black leather one, so it was clearly supposed to look casual.

Her eyes drifted from Mammon’s picture to beautiful demoness hanging off of his arm. She was exactly what a model should be - tall, slender, well-endowed, the works. The human felt a surge of jealousy climb up their throat, and she had to struggle to force in down.

“Hey, hey,” Mammon planted his palm flat on her desk, leaning down so he was eye-level with her. “What’s with that face?”

“What face?”

“The face yer makin’.” he frowned. “You look like you just took a bite out of something rotten.”

Her eyes flicked back to the glossy magazine cover. “Nothing. The picture looks great, Mammon.”

“You really think you’re getting out of this that easily?” he might lack common sense, but Mammon could read facial expressions and nervous tics like most people read books. “Come on, tell me what’s up.”

“I just…” she sighed, slumping back in her desk chair. “I keep wondering when you’re going to dump me for one of these amazing models you work with.”

Mammon’s eyes went wide behind his glasses. “You’re kidding me, right?”

When she shrugged and looked away, he huffed and took her hand. “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I wouldn’t trade you for anything.”

“Even Goldie?”

“Hey now, don’t be cruel!”

Leviathan: Was she really getting jealous over an anime girl?

A quick glance at the screen in front of them told her that yes, yes she was.

“Whoa, I, um…!” Levi gulped, scrambling for the pause button. The main couple was in a locker room, the girl clad in nothing but a pair on gym shorts and a flimsy tank top. There had been plot that lead up to this scene, but she had stopped paying attention a while ago.

“The reviews didn’t say anything about an r18 scene…” Levi mumbled, face turning bright red. She could see his bright orange eyes flick over to her briefly before he desperately searched for anything else to look at. “Oh, man. Ohhhh man…”

“Levi?” she gently placed a hand on his arm, and she felt him tense, but he didn’t pull away. Maybe the exposure therapy WAS working. “You good?”

“I-I-I…” he kept looking back and forth between her and the screen, face getting redder with each pass. Yup, he was definitely comparing.

Almost instinctively, she curled in on herself. Of course, she should have known she couldn’t even begin to compare to a 2D girl.

“Ah, wait, no, don’t look like that!” Levi stammered. “I just, um…th-this is the first time…I’ve thought the 2D one was…b-b-better…”

She stared at him for a solid thirty seconds before her brain caught up with what was happening and her face grew just as hot as Levi’s looked. “…Oh…”

Satan: Well, someone was certainly popular.

Satan had asked her to go to a new cat cafe that was opening up after classes had ended. He always took a bit longer to reach the entrance since his last class was all the way across the campus, so she had found herself a nice bench to sit on and read while she waited. It was only a few minutes before the doors opened to reveal Satan…

And a whole group of succubi.

Obviously, since he was one of the Seven Rulers of Hell, Satan got quite a bit of attention. Although she didn’t want to admit it out loud, the thought of him surrounded by demons whose literal reason for living was to turn people on made her feel a bit…inadequate.

One of them had linked her arm with his, manicured claws drumming along his forearm and she smiled coyly up at him. They were too far away for the human to hear the conversation, but the way her glossy lips pouted cutely up at him certainly didn’t make the human feel any better.

As they descended the stairs onto the cobblestone walkway, Satan’s eyes met her. Almost immediately, the vaguely irritated expression he had been wearing melted into something warm and he shook the succubus off of his arm without a second thought.

“Hey, sorry for making you wait.” he was at her side in a second, extending a hand to help her up from the bench. “Were you here long?”

“Only a few minutes,” she peeked over his shoulder at the fan club that was slowly morphing into an angry mob. “Um…”

“They’ll get over it,” he held onto her hand as they began walking, leaning over to kiss her temple. “Come on, let’s go. What were you reading?”

Maybe she didn’t have anything to worry about.

Asmodeus: This was a mistake.

A new nightclub had opened up in the Devildom Cultural District, and as Devilgram’s biggest influencer, Asmo had gotten some VIP tickets. He had practically begged her to come, since it was so rare that she wasn’t bogged down with homework and other mundane things. The thought of going clubbing with a bunch of demons made her feel a bit queasy, but she had agreed anyway.

Of course, Asmo was taking forever to get here. Knowing him, he was still in the bath. But, her name was on the VIP list, so the bouncer had let her stand behind the rope to wait for her date.

She watched as what seemed like every Devilgram model was let into the club. She couldn’t hear anything being said over the pounding base of the music, but she had caught enough disparaging glances to get the general idea that she was being judged.

She probably looked like a kid playing dress up compared to everyone else. Although she had thought that she looked fairly decent when she had checked herself out in the mirror before leaving, being surrounded by the Devildom’s best and brightest put a very unflattering filter over her self image.

“There you are!”

She jumped as Asmo appeared in front of her. She had been so lost in her thoughts that she hadn’t noticed the bouncer let him in. He looked stunning, as always, hair curled stylishly and already long lashes made even longer with mascara. Honestly, this man could show up in a garbage bag and make it the next fashion trend.

“Ooh, that dress looks amazing on you, darling!” he pressed a quick kiss to her cheek, briefly overwhelming her senses with the smell of his cologne. “I’ve never seen you wear that color before! Look at you, stepping out of your comfort zone.”

“Thanks, Asmo,” she laughed. “You look amazing too.”

“Don’t I?” he held out his arm for her hold onto like a proper gentleman. “I tried this new moisturizer today, and it’s a miracle-worker! You have to try it.”

“Is that Lord Asmodeus?”

“Of course it is, any club owner worth their salt would invite him for the opening!”

“Who’s that mousey little thing with him though?”

She could only catch snippets of conversations, but the Devildom rumor mill was already turning. She couldn’t help but frown, tucking herself closer to Asmo’s side.

“Don’t listen to them, darling,” he leaned down to whisper-yell into her ear. “They’re just jealous, and jealousy doesn’t look good on anyone.”

Beelzebub: This was the last time she was working out with Beel.

It might have been different if they were working out at the House, but being surrounded by demonic weightlifters made her feel a special kind of incompetent.

Everyone in the gym looked like they should be starring in a weight loss infomercial, but she felt like she was the before picture and everyone else was the after. She was wearing a baggy T-shirt that she was pretty sure wasn’t even hers and basketball shorts. Everyone around her was all toned muscles and six packs, and her arms felt rubbery just from a few reps with a five pound weight.

“You need some water.”

Someone of Beel’s size had no right to be as sneaky as he was. She hadn’t even heard him set down his weight, and suddenly he was standing in front of her holding out a water bottle.

“Thanks.” she sighed, setting down her weight. She hadn’t realized how thirsty she was until she took a drink. “Man, I feel tired already.”

“You’re doing good,” Beel smiled. “Maybe next time you can try the ten-pound weights.”

Just the thought made her biceps twinge. “Maybe…”

“You don’t have to feel self-conscious.”

“Huh?” Damn him and his unexpected perceptiveness.

He sat down next to her on the bench, popping the cap on his own water bottle. “You were looking around at everyone else, and you had this look on your face like you just ate something bad.”

“I’m that obvious, huh?” she laughed weakly.

“Not really,” he shrugged. “I was watching you.”

“You were?” she had been too busy comparing herself to everyone else to notice.

He nodded. “I like how you look when you’re determined. It’s…cute isn’t the right word, but…”

She couldn’t help but laugh, bumping him with her shoulder. “I get it. Thanks Beel.”

Belphegor: “Hey, come on, wake up!”

Sometimes she swore Belphie purposely fell asleep whenever it was the most inconvenient for other people.

She honestly didn’t know when he was conked out, but he was deep in slumber by the time she closed the textbook she had been using to fill out her study guide. He had folded his arms on the library table that the two of them had commandeered and pillowed his head on top of them.

“Why do I even bother…?” she sighed. Even so, she poked his cheek. “Belphie, come on. They’re going to close the library soon.”

He mumbled, but stubbornly remained asleep. Growling under her breath, she stood up and placed both of her hands on his shoulders.

“Bel. Phe. Gor,” she punctuated each syllable of his name with a shake of his shoulders. Finally, he groaned, one drowsy amethyst eye blinking up at her.

“Man, I was having a really good dream…”

She huffed, crossing her arms. “Were you even sleep long enough to dream? We’ve only been here for an hour or so.”

“O ye of little faith.” he yawned, sitting up. “I guess it’s best you woke me up, it wasn’t a dream I should be having in public.”

“Please tell me you weren’t having a wet dream in the school library.”

“Mm,” he smirked up at her. “It wasn’t a wet dream yet. More like moist.”

“Gross.”

“Well, I thought it was pleasant.”

She rolled her eyes, beginning to gather up the books she had spread across the table. Belphie continued to watch her through heavy-lidded eyes.

“You were really cute in my dream.” he finally said. “Not that you aren’t cute in real life, but still.”

She paused. “You were dreaming about me?”

“Who else would I dream about?”

“Literally anyone else.” she frowned, refusing to look at him as she shoved all of her supplies back into her bag. “I’ve seen some of the succubi around here, there are way better options.”

“Do you really think that?” Belphie reached out and grabbed her wrist. He wore his usual disinterested frown, but there was genuine concern shining in his eyes. “You really think I would trade you in for a bigger pair of tits attached to a screeching harpy?”

She just shrugged.

“If this was just about how you looked,” he stood, still holding onto her wrist. “Do you really think I would sacrifice my precious nap time to study with you?”

“Well, I mean, you still had your nap time…”

“That’s beside the point.”

[thetomorrowshow]

a jig in plaited time

Happy holidays, @under-the-blue-moonlight ! I really enjoyed writing up some intrulogical content for you (and this may actually get additional chapters lol, I’m really happy with it).

Here is your @sanderssidesgiftxchange gift!

ships: Intrulogical, background Royality

cw: anxiety, intrusive thoughts, panic attack, mannequins, mentions of food

~

Why was Remus at the mall?

That was a simple question, with a just as simple answer. He was at the mall for a suit and tie, one he needed for his brother's wedding. It needed to be “salmon” or whatever, with a blue tie.

A much less simple answer was to the next question.

Why was Remus at the mall on Black Friday?

In all honesty, Remus hadn't known about Black Friday until he arrived. He hadn't really had a good feeling about it on the way here, but he'd paid no mind to his instincts. He didn't often have a good feeling about anything. There had been far too many cars for this time of morning on a weekday. What had really tipped him off, though, was the huge sign in the window of Nordstrom's.

'BLACK FRIDAY SALE!'

Even at that point he wasn't entirely sure what that meant. It became far more clear when he entered the building to find it absolutely packed. Well, there could be an upside to this. Maybe there would be a sale on the suit he needed.

Remus hadn't been this close to someone since he was in the womb, and he could not say that he was very comfortable with it. Remus didn't care much for close spaces and touching people, he hadn't since middle school. It just made him feel sort of icky.

As soon as possible, he ducked out of Nordstrom's, only to find that the rest of the mall was in a similar condition. JC Penney actually looked worse. Normally when Remus was feeling overwhelmed, he'd sidle into Hot Topic or somewhere else with obnoxiously loud music. By drowning his feelings in the noise, he generally was able to recollect himself. The mall was certainly loud, but not in a good way at all. Even if he tried to find someplace with music, he wouldn't be able to enjoy it with all these people.

Remus was stressed. But he needed this suit, seeing as his brother's wedding was literally tomorrow. Why did he leave it this late? Well, Remus knew he was nothing if not a master procrastinator. He also knew he couldn’t be the only one.

Remus waded his way through the crowd to a relatively people-free corner and wiggled his phone out of the pockets of his definitely too-small jeans (not that he'd admit they were too small out loud—his brother had told him they were on every occasion he wore them) and texted the wedding group chat.

Remus: hey im at the mall. anything yall need?

Robro: Why are you at the mall on black friday?

Patty-Cake: ooh can you get me a pair of sunglasses? Mine broke last week

Remus: sure. stuff for wedding?

Robro: idk. Let me ask mom

Remus shoved his phone back in his pocket, then extracted it again as it buzzed a moment later.

Robro: Yeah mom says get some classy decor or something

Ant: I don't think remus knows what classy means

Remus: shut up i got this

Toby: wait what's going on? It's like 10am why are you all awake

Robro: idk if you knew this tobes but I'm getting married tomorrow

Toby: shut up man

Ant: even Remy knows

Sleep: even i know loser

Remus: toby do u need help

Toby: I hate it heeere

Patty-Cake: Aw Toby that isn't very nice! And good morning everyone!

Robro: hello sunshine!! <3

Sleep: i need you both to not start that

Remus: get a room dorks

Okay, classy decor. Sunglasses for the groom. Pink suit. Blue tie. Probably some dress shoes. A wedding present. Dress socks too. Did Remus need to have a tie pin? He'd ask later. Napkins, definitely. No one ever had enough napkins at events. Did he need to have a pocket handkerchief?

Remus checked the list of what his suit needed that Roman had sent him a month or two ago. Yes, a blue pocket square. This was a lot.

Remus swallowed back his sudden panic and took a few deep breaths, jamming his still-buzzing phone back into his pocket. He could do this. Sunglasses first, there was a Sunglasses Hut within eyesight. All he had to do was fight through the crowd.

He reached the kiosk with few incidents and surveyed the sleek glasses for five minutes before seeing a pair that were shaped like a cartoon frog. Patton would love those. And if he didn't, then Remus just got a neat pair of sunglasses! He purchased the glasses and moved on to the next place to conquer.

-

By the time Remus was back at Nordstrom's, he was completely out of energy. Nordstrom's had two levels, and so much stuff, and so many people. He still had to get the suit and socks, and the wedding present. Maybe it seemed like he hadn't done much, but he had actually done a lot, considering how busy the mall was. He'd barely escaped a fistfight outside of the electronics store. The fact that he'd been able to get shoes and so-called 'classy decor' and napkins? Remus was pretty proud, all things considered.

Nordstrom's was even busier than when he left, which was certainly distressing. Remus couldn't even see any clothes. Was that a mannequin or a really tall lady? Was that the escalator, or a bunch of people climbing on top of each other?

What if I set off a bomb right here? Would the whole tower fall down, the ones on top not actually hurt until they hit the ground?

Remus shook off the intrusive thought. This was getting bad. It was already almost one—that meant that not only was he stressed, but he was getting hungry. His thoughts would continue to devolve until he got out of here and got some food.

I could eat that man! That would certainly clear the place out, and I'm sure he's delicious!

Remus groaned. He needed to sit down, but there were no seats free anywhere. He hefted his bags higher on his shoulders and forged on. He had to get this suit, or else the wedding would be ruined. The man in question (who was fairly attractive) bumped him, and Remus had to close his eyes to fight his brain. This was getting out of hand.

There was a little square cut out in the wall where a headless mannequin stood, no doubt showing off the latest in boys' fashion. Remus ducked between its legs and pushed his back up against the wall, knees drawn up close to his chest. He pulled out his phone with some difficulty.

Remus: hey so ro does my suit need a tie pin

Robro: Don't worry abt it, mom got matching tie pins for everyone

Sleep: ree babes are you buying ur suit now?

Remus: shut up

Sleep: on black friday?

Remus: no

Ant: did you even know it was black friday

Remus: ...

Toby: wait the wedding is tmrrw

Robro: Believe me tobias I'm aware

Remus: yah ik im not buying the whole suit just shoes

Robro: Good I almost had a heart attack, you almost certainly wouldn't be able to find one

Now truly panicking, Remus dropped his phone onto his stomach and buried his fists in his hair. How was he supposed to find a salmon suit and a blue tie, as well as nice socks? Plus a wedding present? Especially in this crowd, when he had no clue where to even look for a suit. And he still had to go to the party tonight, then the wedding tomorrow, and it was so loud. Everyone was yelling over each other, and Remus couldn't even hear his own thoughts—except the bad ones. Why did he have to put this off so long? He needed out, he wasn't going to be able to get any of the stuff, he was going to ruin the wedding, like he ruined everything—

“Hello, may I help you?”

Remus looked up—at least, as up as he could look, with a mannequin just above him—to see a bespectacled store clerk looking down at him. 'Logan', his nametag read.

Remus opened his mouth, then closed it again before a string of curses could come out. He really wasn't doing well. There was just too much, too much everything.

“Is there anything I can help you find?” Logan asked, his voice rumbling a bit—or maybe it was the thunder of people in the shop. Whatever it was, it made Remus's stomach drop a little.

“Um, uh, pink!” If Remus had any shame, he would have slapped his own face. As it was, he started trying to pantomime a suit while stuck in a tiny hollow in the wall. Logan watched kindly, his face not betraying the disgust he was probably feeling.

“Pink what? Shirt?” Logan guessed. Remus shook his head, running his hands down his legs. Pants too, pants too.

“Pink . . . coat? Shorts? Pants?”

Remus traced back over his arms, almost crying. Here he was, bothering this poor clerk with his stupid non-verbal self.

“A pink suit?”

Remus jumped for joy, hitting his head on the crotch of the mannequin, instantly shuddering at the thoughts that flooded into his head. Logan held out a hand, and Remus took it, allowing himself to be pulled out of the wall.

“I can direct you to the suit section, right this way.”

Remus let himself be led by Logan, who occasionally looked back to make sure he was still there. The man had a curly mop of dark hair, and was slightly shorter than he was—not that it was a problem. Or anything important. Remus wasn't looking for a date. He was inconveniencing a store clerk on Black Friday. Although, he did need a plus one for the wedding. . . .

No, it was out of the question. He didn't even know this man. Roman would be upset if he ruined the wedding even more by showing up with some rando who would probably jump in the wedding cake or spill food all over the nice tablecloths or turn out to be really ugly because he was just wearing a mask made of someone else's face.

“Here is where the suits are. Do you need anything else?”

Remus stared at him, his mouth opening and shutting a few times. He wanted to say something stupid, like yeah, I need those eyes in my life, or something far more obscene, but he was okay. He could do this. He could survive peopling.

Logan gave him a sympathetic smile. “I can help you find the right suit, if that's what you require.”

Before he could stop himself, Remus was nodding. He let Logan pull him past a crying couple and two arguing families to a rack of suit coats that were red.

“Will these suffice?” the clerk asked, gesturing at them. Remus frowned. They weren't pink. Was the man messing with him? Seeing his look, Logan checked the tag and groaned. “Apologies, I'm colorblind. I could have sworn these were pink. Hopefully the last customer who I pointed this way was not upset.”

That was a joke, right? Remus almost laughed, but knew if he did he would start crying. Logan led him through the crowd with seemingly unending patience, occasionally smiling gently at him. Remus felt his heartrate spike every time one of those smiles was sent his way, but for a reason completely unrelated to the overpowering noise and crowd.

Logan found him a probably very nice pink suit—Remus wasn't really looking at it. Then Logan was kind enough to let him into an employee restroom to try it on, seeing as the dressing rooms had a line that ran all the way to the front doors. It fit nicely, tight (though not as tight as his jeans) and sleek, accompanied with a blue tie that Logan had found while he was changing.

“That looks very sharp on you, sir,” Logan informed him, as Remus blushed.

“Remus,” he blurted out. Logan raised his eyebrows.

“After the character in Roman mythology?” asked Logan, his tone betraying something like excitement. Remus nodded, then looked down at the tie.

“We—didn't look at—at ties yet,” he stammered, trying to make his voice work. “Where—?”

“Ah, it happens to be one of mine,” Logan said. For the first time, he looked a little uncomfortable. “I keep one in my locker for emergencies, and I thought it would look nice on—it would look nice. With the suit.”

Remus finally found the courage to smile back. “Thanks, Specs. Uh, sorry for taking up so much of your time. I'll just buy this, it's dope.”

“Oh no, I do not at all mind assisting you,” Logan said quickly. “At least I don't have to deal with . . . whatever is going on.”

“You could assist me by being my date!”

Logan stared.

Remus clapped a hand over his mouth.

“. . . What?”

“Nothing, nothing nothing,” said Remus. “I just—um—you need to get your tie back right? And I—if you let me, of course—I could just wear it, save money and all that, and you could come and then take it home so that I don't steal it or whatever?” He scrunched his eyes up, turning away so as to catch no sight of Logan rejecting him. Why did he have to say that? The noise pressed down on him again; despite still being in the staff restroom, it was almost too loud to bear.

“Wear it . . . where?”

Remus would already be curled up on the floor were it not for the very un-purchased suit he was currently wearing. “Um, my brother's wedding tomorrow?” he chanced, hands clenched over his eyes.

The utter disbelief in Logan's voice was clear as a bell. “You are buying a suit . . . for a wedding . . . that is tomorrow. On Black Friday, of all days.”

Tears choked Remus's throat. “Y-yeah, I'm really bad at planning.” Why was he even asking this cute clerk out anyway? Just because Roman kept teasing him for not having a date to the wedding? Or did he actually have a crush on Logan?

He searched his feelings briefly, and found almost instantly that he for sure had a crush. Okay, that was a lot to deal with right now. They had just met! It was just . . . the way he smiled at him, the way he didn't abandon him even though he'd been having a panic attack for about an hour at this point, how gentle and kind he was. Not to mention how put-together he was. And his hair? That was just hot.

Now though, just seconds after realizing he liked Logan, the guy was going to reject him because he had run his stupid mouth. Remus cringed. The silence had gone on for far too long.

“Well, I expect you to pick me up an hour before the event begins. I do not currently have my own means of transportation. You are quite fortunate that I do not work tomorrow.”

Wait.

What?

“You—you really—?” Remus's voice broke. He jumped as Logan lay a warm hand over his own, which were still pressed into his eyes.

“Of course,” Logan said kindly. “I know very little about you, but I rather feel that—and no offense meant—you will be distressed at such a large event as a wedding. I would love to continue to assist you.” He coughed, then added, “Also, the streak in your hair is very attractive.”

Remus almost sighed in relief. This was okay. He let Logan pull his hands away from his face, then ran a sleeve over his eyes and nose. Logan froze.

“Well, now you have to buy that suit,” Logan said. As an aside, he muttered, “At least it looks good on you.”

“Aw, Lo, you think I look hot?” Remus asked shakily, managing a smile. “What about my jeans? Think I look good in tight clothes?”

Logan turned away, unfortunately letting go of Remus's hands, the tips of his ears turning pink. “Are you always this insufferable?”

Remus slung an arm around his shoulder. “Yep! And you're stuck with me for a whole date!”

Logan pushed his glasses up his nose. “If it doesn't work out, we can just pretend we never met, if you like. We will both move on with our lives. There is no obligation that comes with this date, we are both free to back out at any time.”

Remus quickly retracted his arm from Logan's shoulder, then nodded. That made sense. He did like Logan, and he didn't want to upset him. Shameless flirting was definitely on the table, though.

“When's your lunch break?” Remus asked, as casually as possible. Logan snorted.

“I only have a twenty minute lunch today, they don't want me to leave them without as much help as possible.” Logan went to open the door and exit the restroom, then glanced back. “One o'clock. I plan on getting a sandwich at the Subway in the hall outside of the store. It would be wonderful if someone would wait in line for me and order me an Italian BMT and a bag of potato chips, so that I am not late in returning.”

Remus grinned. Easy-peasy, and just like that he would get to spend some time with Logan before the wedding.

Logan made to leave, but Remus grabbed his arm. “One sec, hot stuff,” he said, butterflies racing through his stomach at Logan's blush, “not to bother you any more or anything, but do you have any suggestions for a wedding present?”

The utter disbelief on Logan's face completely wiped out any blush that had been there. “The wedding is tomorrow, Remus.”

Remus's breath caught. Logan said his name. It sounded so beautiful coming from him. If a heavenly chorus had been singing around him at that moment, it would have been dull compared to Logan saying his name.

Logan sighed. “Of course I have some ideas. Do you need anything else?”

Remus pulled himself together, then grabbed his phone from the pile of his clothes on the floor. He checked the list, ignoring the notifications from the group chat.

“Uh, yeah. A pocket square to match the tie, and some nice socks.”

“That's doable. Tell me about your brother and his partner while we find those items. Perhaps you and I can put together an ideal gift.” Logan stepped out of the restroom to give Remus privacy while he changed back into his clothes. Remus shucked the suit off as quickly as possible. All the intense stimulation had blurred into the background, Logan being the only buzz he needed to keep going.

Remus didn't often have a good feeling about anything, but this? Oh yeah, there was definitely something good here.

[darthbecky726]

Bad Batch 1x01 spoilers

I've never done something like this before, but I figured I'd start. Reactions to the first episode of The Bad Batch. (This ended up being a lot longer than I intended, but whatever)

Spoilers under the cut

Red logo burning away starts strong

Yay narrator dude!!

Feels like clones wars

Animated rots scenes!!

And what grevious did after the rots beginning

HOLY SHIT DEPA!!!!!

And caleb right???

And we're in

Omg who voiced young caleb bc it sounds a lot like fpj but aged down and he def doesn't sound like the 14 I know he was when this happened

I like how we started out on familiar characters but not ahsoka or anyone from tcw. We started w young kanan and his master and we know what happened to them and all but if anyone watching hasn't seen rebels they wouldn't be lost as to who caleb and depa are, they'd just assume they're random jedi in o66

Good ol droid screaming as it falls off a cliff

Wow. Them.

I love crosshair

And wrecker

And tech

And echo

And hunter

B1's are so dumb

Lmao the salt from hunter

I feel like depas forehead pearls are a bit unrealistically large but I have no cultural standpoint to really know so...

Caleb's voice is too deep in the same way that jack frost from rotg's voice doesn't match his character model

Ah wrecker not really knowing what she means and echo, the one who has been trained to deal w people and hung out w ani and obi is just like 'thanks general'

Obes kenobes mention

Why is echo so pale

Depa and caleb feel a little too pale too tbh I wonder if it's the lighting or the whitewashing

Wow caleb is a lot like ezra, I can see why kanan wanted to train him lol

Is this what separates caleb and depa, leading to her telling him to run??? Do I need to read dume???

Oh no

Noooooooooo

Bb didn't get the order!

Oh caleb nooooo! Nooooooo they didn't receive that order, they can help you!!!

And he's gone

Oh I need an au where caleb stayed with bb and they helped him after depa died

Hunter sounds so much like rex it's weird like ik they're supposed to sound the same but it feels like wrecker is replacing rex or something. Even tho ik rex's story is over for the time being

Crosshair, no! Don't shoot at him! He's baby

Oh no did crosshair get o66???? It didn't seem to trigger anything in any of the rest of them, but is crosshair close enough to 'reg' for it to have triggered???

😭😭good soldiers follow orders

"sure thing, boss" "hey hunter got a sitch"

Crosshair acting sus

Oh I love watching padawans fight, they're so good!!

I hope that hit to the tree did a lil cognitive recalibration for crosshair, he was acting crazy

Caleb looks so scared!! He just watched his master get gunned down by his friends and now strange clones are trying to kill him/confusing him

Oh caleb

Oh no crosshair don't try to kill him!! Hunters trying to help!

Also hunter doesn't sound as much like rex w the helmet off, but it's weird bc most of the clones are distinguishable by voice even w helmets on. I guess it's the 'im in charge' voice

Star wars if caleb had gone w the bb

Oh hunter u sly dog lying to crosshair so he doesn't go after him. U gotta figure out why crosshair responded to o66 and no one else in ur unit did

Oh crosshair knows he's been lied to

I will always love coming-out-of-hyperspace shots

Ooh kamino, always nice this time of year

Echo is done w wrecker

Why hasn't crosshair taken his helmet off yet, lil bit sus

They better get his chip out on kamino, I don't wanna deal w this

Oof hunter 

Oh who’s that, giving me cloud city vibes

Extreme cloud city vibes wow

Never realized how many clones are just on kamino

Coruscant guard?!?! FOX?!?!

The vibes here, omg

‘The war is over’ wow

Oh no who was that

A female jedi, doesn’t appear to be shaak, couldn’t see any montrals but never know, we don’t officially know how or where she died

Ok wow none of the bb has their helmets on except for crosshair, who got the order. The regs around kamino all have their helmets on. That scene in victory and death when ahsoka took rex’s helmet off- 

And crosshair, he’s actins strange too

Oh tech, do u guys get bullied by regs a lot??

I love their barracks

Lol he finally took his helmet off only to stick a toothpick in his mouth, can he get anymore cliched?

Wrecker is seeming a lot more infantilized than he was in the s7 eps...

Yeah crosshair’s being sus

Ooh, he shifted his toothpick

Lmao ‘what programming’

Well documented my ass

Tech’s speech patterns are so stiff and robotic, it’s like he has to remind himself to talk in basic instead of binary or some shit

Tech throwing shade at crosshair

I can’t quite tell if we’re supposed to like crosshair at this point

Lmao we been knew

Oop ‘more machine than man’ the vader parallels are serving folks

Understatement.

Ugh sheev

Crusty ass bitch

Straight from rots wow

Who is the mystery child and why does he look mandalorian

Ooh he gone

Oh no, the beninning of the empire

Cheering?? Why?!?

That imperial march fade in tho

Thank you echo

Oh shit mystery child is female

Omega, I would not have guessed the pronunciation of your name by reading it wow

She def seems mandalorian

Ugh kaminoans

Oh the kaminoan pronounced it as it usually is, huh.

Omega’s character model def seems more masculine than female, I now headcanon her as trans

Ugh tarkin, I hate that crusty bitch

Empire politics ugh

I love how much shade is being thrown at tarkin and his stormtrooper proposal lmao

Why do all these clones have the standard haircut?? ik them boys like their variety, even if these boys are still under o66′s programming

Wrecker you’re being extremely loud

They’re all being loud in the mess, why

They remember, kid

Lol child

Oh my sweet summer children

The dad instinct was clearly passed genetically from jango lol all these clones got it

Why are background characters so mean? What about it, shiny? Why is ur hair regulation, reg??

The Sad Batchn omg the slander

Lol the food fight I’ve read about in the fics, its finally happening!

Is she.... australian??

The over-animation of character movements in this is reminding me of the looser style of rebels, as opposed to the more clunky style of tcw

Lmao he’s still got food on him

Food fight!!

‘Not again’???!!! Echo!! Wdym not again?! Food fights have happened before?!?? Wait. W bb or w torrent, bc I can see torrent having food fights on the resolute-

Crosshair’s just eating his food until someone messes

I like how echo still has his kamas

Oh no echo!!

Oh echo’s trauma, he doesn’t trust medical droids! Where’s kix when u need him, huh?

Lol, comically long name for a robot trope is alive and well, huh

Lmao the droid lowers his voice like ik this is a perceived bad thing, but I will not tolerate this slander, boys u need to get off kamino

‘The shock’ lmao whyyy

Lmao tech!!

Oh, echo recognized tarkin from the citadel!

‘When you blew up’ lmao

Oh they make me sad

Aaaaah fox!

Man the domino squad nostalgia

Those droids look cool

This is a neat scene, I like seeing them in action

Wrecker reminding me of hevy, but he’s got the training and success to back it up

Live fire???? No!!

Ugh I hate tarkin

Oh no wtecker

Did he just get shot!???! 

Oh no crosshair, be careful!

Tarkin’s trying to kill them!!!

Lol wrecker I love you

Echo using his mech hand as a weapon, truly an arc

Now I wanna see what happened on felucia

I like how tech’s just sitting on the droid’s shoulders

And hunter just had a knife

These boys, I love them

Oh no tech bby

Hot damn that was cool

Wrecher things so too lmao

Tarkin’s like “why didn’t that work??’

Oh new baby clones

No tf they could not, they would never serve the empire and those bitches

I love that they have a window apartment lol

Ugh tarkin u shifty

They all stand at attention, only after glaring at tarkin

Oh no onderon

I hate tarkin, he’s a bitch

How quickly could bitch lord and darth sad have replaced the armory on kamino??

Crosshair still acting sus

Neither does echo, kid

No.

I like omega.

Crosshair, with the sassy hand on the hip-

What does that even mean?? Or elude to??

Lmao tech messing w wrecker, they rlly r bros

Its prob the vegetation

Oh, I missed onderon, but not this much

Lol the put-upon sigh

Its clearly saw and his rebels

Saw! Looking sharp, what’s w the hair....

That’s a very geometric beard, saw

They didn’t kill any jedi!

That’s not what happened, tech

‘The clones’ bitch that was rex and ahsoka, check urself

Aw, I’ve always like the design of imperial probe droids

Thank you, echo

It seems like crosshair’s o66 programming and his mutation are warring w his morals

Lmao the shade

I knew she was an enhanced clone!

Oh, so she is (at least on paper) trans! She’s a clone of jango, and yet she’s female! That must be her modification, but it makes me wonder why

Lol *flicks toothpick*

Aw, they have a picture of themselves! Recent-ish, too, its got echo!

Oh no, AZI!

The difference between them arriving earlier and now, the lack of escort...

Creepy how they had to open the hanger door themselves

Oh no! Everyone!

The coruscant guard, I wish they had gotten better

Tarkin u dramatic bitch

‘The brig’ this ain’t some tallship

Lol echo that shade

Their blacks are different from the ones seen in the past

Crosshair, stop being a bitch

Oh, I don’t like that phrase!! And the fact that crosshair screamed it in echo’s face makes me uneasy. Did rex fill echo in on why fives died?? I hope so...

Crosshair, ur chip hurting??

This child, I like her.

No! Don’t hit hunter!

No crosshair!!!!

I dislike this immensly

So they do still have inhibitor chips!

Tarkin you monster

Oh poor crosshair

ihatethisihatethisihatethis

Lol tech I love you

Wrecker you sweet pea

Lol that’s adorable

I love how they form a “wall” its so suspicious 

He was about to say that, omega

Aaww, echo protective boi

Wrecker shut up tf

That was cool

Sneaky bois

This reminds me of rex and ahsoka sneaking around in v&d

Echo runs so stupid

Oh no they winter soldier’d him!

If he says who the hell is crosshar, I will lose my shit

Yes, he has. They took it from him.

The toothpick

I wonder how they’re gonna get crosshair back to normal

Not good that they nabbed the sniper

Oh, crosshair shot him in the same place he got hit during training!

Ooh, a kaminoan on their side!

I hope omega doesn’t die

Poor trigger etiquette, crosshair

Wonder if omega has any speciality training

They’re just gonna leave him there!?!?!?!?!

Nooooooooooo!!!!!!!

Omega reminds me of young boba 

Oh, so its in her dna

Go back for crosshair!!

Holy fucking shit that was amazing! I didn’t expect it to be that long, but I’m not complaining! This ended up being a lot longer than I anticipated, but I don’t feel like cutting anything out, so sorry for the long post but at least I put it under a cut.

[jougogo]

mascaras the haikyuu queens would borrow from my bag

based on my unhealthy obsession with mascaras (pls someone sponsor me)

also there’s a crack drabble at the end please read it im wheezing

shimizu kiyoko

bombastic by doucce: HAVE YOU SEEN THIS GIRL'S GORGEOUS LASHES im so jealous, anyways this mascara has a good wand and it's really good for achieving a more wispy/voluminous/full look IN LIKE ONE SWIPE WTF THIS IS A GODSEND. literally looks like lash extensions, i could go on and on about this mascara. not flaky and this will survive through workouts! doesn't give you raccoon eyes so it's good ! (coming from an athlete with an oily eyelids so dw i gotchu covered) a personal fav of mine teehee, ranked #1 in my bag.

hitoka yachi

it's real! benefit: this mascara is so so good at lengthening and giving off that natural look, which i think yachi would appreciate because she doesn't like too much attention and it's natural so she can sneak this by her mom nope def not speaking from experience it's really great for beginners, and also very reliable and trustworthy. this lil thing will get the job done, guranteed.

tanaka saeko

better than sex by too faced: this mascara just screams I N T E N S I T Y. it's super voluminizing and gives off the appearance of a fuller lash. on the more dry/creamy side so it's super great for beginners or if ur really hungover. also it's v v reliable, will give you wispy lashes every time! my go to when im late which is everyday but we don't talk about that

michimiya yui

bad gal bang! by benefit: another really natural one, good at separating, very VERY lengthening. dramatic enough so that it'll make you look more awake but still not enough to get daichi's attention rip.  but this shi!t will stay all day until you take it off. a little more liquidy so you get some time to fix any lashes that are stuck together. also, thin wand so great for bottom lashes as well! 10/10, very much recommend. 

shirofuku yukie

waterproof lights camera lashes by tarte: i feel like she's the type to be drinking her water but then when she puts it down too quickly the water just splashes right back in her face?? LMAO or does this only happen to me, but she needs her mascara to be waterproof! also bc of all the steam from the yummy food contests she's conquering! anyways the queen deserves the whole spotlight so she gets the beloved lcl by tarte! the wand is pretty thin but don't let that fool you, because this wand is so good at lengthening and separating lashes. really good at holding curls. 

suzumeda kaori

lash sensational from loreal: pls give this poor girl a break i cant even imagine running around the fukurodani team with bokuto's antics, they've definitely broken into her bags more than once and messed up her stuff. so she had to get the cheap drugstore mascara just in case </3 but its okay because this is one of my top 3, the consistency is really good and the wand is so amazing gahh, it has like different combs on different sides so if you have that one pesky pair of lash that just sticks together it'll be super easy to fix. perfect for on the go

misaki hana

kush mascara by milk makeup: you can't convince me that this girl isn't exhausted from the antics of johzenji, which makes this mascara perfect for her! the consistency is on the creamy/dry side so a couple quick swipes will get you the full lash. plus it's infused w some cannabis oil so it makes ur lash healthier (but terushima will definitely try to do some experiments w this so please hana guard it safely)

amanai kanoka

lash next door by brooklyn and bailey: ok ok so my fav thing about this mascara is that it's not waterproof so it's easy to take off, but it's water resistant so that it won't come off when you're all sweaty!! literally perfect for intense practices, and the wand is similar to lcm by tarte so they wield pretty similar results; sweet, curled, lengthened lashes!! and DOES NOT FLAKE it's literally a life saver

alisa haiba

liquid lash extensions by thrive: this mascara definitely the one i use the most! It’s unique in the sense that it’s a tubing mascara, so it’s water resistant which is great for alisa because she keeps tearing up every time lev messes up a serve (we stan a responsible sis) BUT it’s also very easily removed! just splash some warm water and the mascara literally slides right off im not even kidding. she definitely takes really good care of her appearance and will be sad even if she sees one eyelash fall so this is really great for her bc waterproof mascara is such a pain in the ass to remove. also very lengthening

yamaka mika 

lash multiplier by revlon: mika is a baddie!! but daishou makes her cry so much she has to rebuy a tube like every month. so our lovely mika gets something easy, cheap, and has a good effect for puppy eyes. this mascara is just like the liquid lash extension; a tubing mascara,,,HOWEVER this one is WAY CHEAPER. u can def find this at ur local drugstore for like 6-8 bucks. great for on the go since it's easy to apply super fast, will get u a nice full fringe in like 3 swipes.

nametsu mai

damn girl! by too faced: how could i forget our beloved date tech manager,,,mai is def the scariest on date tech and she will let you know!!! this mascara is essentially a sequel to better than sex; your lashes will be bigger, fuller, and more glamorous! also the formula is literally so light it's like whipped cream,,, you will not feel a thing guranteed. it's like extensions but m a g i c

extra:

after being scolded by yukie for not getting dinner on time, the boys of the 3rd gym strolled through the dimly lit hallway on the way to the cafeteria. "yo, you know, i heard the girls bathrooms have couches or whatever," kuroo said, noticing the girl's bathroom as they walked past it. 

"what! thats not fair!" bokuto whined. "how come the girl's stuff are always nicer? the boy's bathroom always just stinks, and there's always pee on the ground for some reason. like why can't you just aim? it's not that hard." 

"well, im sure for short people, like maybe yaku-san or shoyo it's easy. but it's hard to aim when you're very tall!" lev explained brightly. in the onsen somewhere, morisuke yaku felt shivers go up his spine and a sudden urge to punch someone.

"lev, are u sure ur not the one peeing the floor? c'mon, man this is why we don't get nice things in our bathrooms!" kuroo groaned, flicking the first year’s forehead.

"well, it's just a rumor," akaashi explained, lifting the hem of his shirt to wipe off the sweat on his face. "there might not be a couch in the girl's bathroom."

"why don't you go find out?" tsukki taunted with a devilish grin on his face. 

"i don't think this is a good idea," akaashi remarked, albeit a bit too late as hinata, kuroo, lev, and bokuto already sprinted down the hallway. 

"aww, no couch" bokuto disappointedly wailed when he stepped into the girl's bathroom. 

"well, this is a school bathroom after all," kuroo admitted as he flipped on the light switch. the bathroom was cleaner than the boy’s, for sure, but after all the outrageous tales they had expected to find at least a little something out of the ordinary.

"hey, what's this?" hinata was pointing to a bright pink makeup bag that was lying open on the counter.

"ooh, one of the managers must’ve left it behind! whose bag is this, is there a name on it?" lev rushed over to the bag and turned it upside down. dozens of colorful tubes and compacts fell out, splayed across the counter.

"whats this tube?" hinata asked, holding up a metallic pink tube.

"well, what does it say on the tube, dumbass?" tsukki smirked from the door frame he was leaning on. akaashi hesitantly stood behind him, questioning if entering the girl’s bathroom was a good decision. 

"better..than sex!" hinata read aloud, a bit louder than he had intended to. everyone froze, and stared at the little pink tube.

"wait what the fu- hold up lemme see that," kuroo aggressively grabbed the tube from hinata's hands and twisted it open

"oh it's just macasara," bokuto said. they shouldn’t have been surprised, considering it did come out of a makeup bag.

"do you think the name is true?" kuroo was actually curious about this. is the little pink tube of innocent looking mascara the reason that girls were refusing to go out with him?

"let's see," bokuto snatched the tube out of kuroo's hand and started swiping on the pigment on his lashes, his mouth agape and head tilted back as he intently stared at his reflection in the mirror.

"it's been 10 minutes since we called the boys, should we check up on them?" yachi said nervously. the other girls turned and looked as if she had just made a revelation. "you're right, bokuto always sprints up for dinner and he looked pretty eager when we gave him his notice," kaori said nervously. "and everyone knows that the nekoma boys shouldn't be left alone, they're chaotic," shirufuku remarked. "that's so true...lets go find them," the rest of the managers agreed, taking off their aprons and stepping out of the cafeteria.

however, they heard the boisterous laughs a floor away. cautiously, kiyoko led the group down the stairs and followed the sound. imagine their surprise when they found the noise coming from inside the girl's bathroom. 

"um, we're the only girls here…" yachi whispered. they crept up closer and closer until they were right outside. kiyoko put her finger to her lips and motioned for the girls to line up against the wall just in case. "okay, we'll open the door in 3…" she put her hand on the knob. "2…" it seemed like time was in slow motion as everyone's heart pounded loudly. "1!"

kuroo and hinata have mascara on their eyebrows, streaks of black pigment under their eyes and all over their cheeks like some kind of war paint. akaashi is holding an eyelash curler, trying to curl bokuto's eyelashes all the while bokuto is smacking akaashi's hand away.

"it looks like a torture device!" he cried.

"bokuto-san, it's suppose the enhance the lengthening effect,"

lev is trying to give himself a mustache by swiping on hair-like strokes with the mascara wand, and ever the opportunist, tsukki is in the corner, taking blackmail pictures

"oh, hi!. . . girls" hinata trailed off when he saw the horrified managers through the mirror. every face in the room paled white as a sheet. 

extra no.2:

"wait how do i take this off, it's not coming off with water!!" bokuto wailed, slumping against the sink

he had unfortunately, picked the waterproof mascara.

the managers agreed that they have all conveniently ran out of makeup wipes

[shade-romeo]

Hm. So I'm finally listening to Pebble Brain with lyrics so I can understand wtf is going on, thoughts as of first listen under cut hopefully

(All of this is /lh ofc, this is all meant to poke fun and say stupid things and just talk about the songs, I mean no ill will with any of this)

Oh Yeah? You Gonna Cry? - Very Nice Good Song Very Bop. As far as I'm aware this is like Wilbur going "haha loser ur girlfriend likes me more than you, stupid baby. Be nice maybe? Haha haha" and honestly good for him. I have nothing else to say i just like this one. 7/10

Model Buses - Story? Uh.. ????? Maybe???? Something about existential dread, being scared of the future? Very good bop but I don't understand the story and it is hindering my enjoyment. Yall are gonna hate me for this rating but 4/10 I jus... don't understand the lyrics? Perhaps after a few listens I will like it more but for now.. eh..

Concrete - immediately, very bop. Headbanger with the best of em. Story? Uh.. girl and guy are having an argument at the bar over a kiss, presumably one cheated with the other. So either they cheated on one another with Wilbur? Not likely but maybe. Or Wilbur is an outside perspective looking in on this argument and going into immense detail on how shitty this cheater is, based solely on an argument he saw at the bar once. Which isn't far fetched for Wilbur at all. 8/10

Perfume - first I go "oo yea good yea good base drums or whatever nice beat yea- OH SHIT THIS IS- THIS IS THE ONE- THE ONE ON TUMBLR- THE HE/THEY" oh yeah oh yeah oh YEAH OH YEAH OHHH YEAH this is good. This is perfect. This- the DELIVERY on the chorus, the absolute anguish you can hear in Wilbur's voice- the strain in his vocals and the desperation when he asks if it's rubbed off on him, OH My God, Wilbur I Love You. But yeah "He/They Stole My Girlfriend You Smell Like Her And I'm Going To Cry But Like You're Happy So Congrats Man" love that ♡♡♡♡♡ 10/10

You'll Understand When You're Older - Before even listening im assuming this is like "u told me I'd know things in adulthood well I don't, asshole" after listening i dunno if im right or wrong. okay so.. Guy Hates Work But It's Worth It to Come Home To His Wife/Girlfriend And They Have A Dark Secret? Is this.. the only thing I can think of for this is like.. a hidden ab*se thing? But otherwise I'm afraid I don't entirely understand this one. Still tho, a bop of course. 5/10

The Fall - GOD OKAY last night when the ep came out I tried to listen to it but I couldn't understand half the lyrics, except for this one which I got most of, I kinda already know this one and it's my favorite. OKAY SO THIS ONE- This I Love- I love the theme of like "It's Perfect On The Surface But If You Look Deeper Things Are Worse Than They Seem" i LOVE that. Because it applies to so many real word situations. When you first look at the wall of China you go "damn that's cool" but then you find out that there are like thousands of dead slaves built into the wall. It's just so good. And the CHANTING!!! and the MONOLOGUE!!! My only problem with this song is the drop off at the end, it just bothers me a little bit, it works very well with the song but its like a little pet peeve I suppose. Overall, 100000/10 I LOVE THIS SONG (this says nothing about my mental state shut up)

It's All Futile! It's All Pointless! - as far as I've heard apparently this is a redo of one of Wilbur's old songs which I've never listened to. So if I end up saying I'm not a huge fan of this song no one come throw hands. Ooh. Oooooh. So.. Wilbur's character leaves this person and has his own life, but is obviously still very hung up on them, and is obsessed with the thought of what they used to be. I think that's right? I mean damn. Honestly I just blindly like this one. There's no deeper meaning here at all It just bops honestly. 8/10 (and maybe use a sextant)

Sidenote- Lovejoy fucking loves musical interludes oh my god. There are so many. There's at least one in every one of the 7 songs. I'm not saying interludes are a bad thing, they work well every time, but after 7 songs all have a 10 second long interlude back to back, it gets a bit annoying.

[sukirichi]

suk *ehem saeren (new pseud is sexy btw and also your new theme vvv sexc bestie!!!😌😌) okay so when i read chp 7-8 i was like ‘y/n c’mon. give kita the chance he deserves i mean IT’S THE MR. KITA SHINSUKE WTF WHAT MORE CAN YOU ASK?!’ but then oh god, the museum scene holy fuck. no because the cherry blossom tree works so well as an analogy for the main couple’s love story. yeah, cherry blossoms signify new beginnings and are mostly adorned by many when they bloom. why? aside from the indication of renewal, it only stays for a certain period of the year which is always a sight to see and because of the limited time frame, everyone knows the beauty it exudes will be gone after the time passes (death). going back, suna and y/n’s routine of spending time together to being away from each other’s presence is the recurring theme for them to grow. seeing them say too many goodbyes brings that anxious feeling of ‘ahh. it we will be back to square one again'  (also, not the fact that broken record connotes annoying repetition of something is aksjalks🤧) 

also yeah, when you love a person, the one should make you feel calm and secure and only then you can distinguish whether you truly love them or just merely an infatuation. but in y/n’s case, whether she has that rose-tinted glasses on or not, identifying the blaring red flags is hard to accept notice if that same marker is the one that brings her comfort due to its familiarity. and idk where to put this in my last ask because i don’t have enough brain juice to make a theory, but the way suna is nervous for his first date with mari, he should have second guessed why he’s acting like that when the happiness he felt with y/n is way more different with mari (should have listened to osamu and aran and ooh im sorry i assumed they samu and suna were schoolmates in high school when they are not akhfak). sure, he’s nervous out of excitement but for what? it's like foreshadowing that he needs to put up a front with mari just to keep her (but we all know that is not the case) in those 3 years they spent together, did he feel more on the edge than relaxed tho? 🤨

and for someone who loathes her half-sister, nagisa sure is invested with the happenings in y/n. it’s like she’s always on the lookout for her mistakes and dote it on her until her last breath. the mari and nagisa connection is possible though and it is not like they live countries apart but their meeting, from the way i see it, is like a silver lining for nagisa to topple y/n lol🤪 and aah, now it get why nagisa called y/n whore at the restaurant. when i read that part, i thought that they have somewhat lived under the same roof for some time but the succeeding chps showed they did not and was still confused because she has never shown any interest about what is going on with her affiliated family except hatred and then that happened. i guess when she burst out at that moment, it was when the two had met? 

it’s kinda disheartening to see how lucy subtly(??) controls y/n’s love life. maybe because she doesn’t want y/n to fall under the same category for marrying out of love when she is the one who refuses to divorce the dad (= she shouldn’t). should have filed that divorce, not doing so is a recipe for disaster itself. and mari 😤😤WHAT DID I SAY?? (well in this case, it is shunning others away from suna) i cannot, for my peace of mind, be able to be in the same vicinity as her. for all i know, i could be dragging her on the floor out of pure disgust. i can’t wait to find out who died and who is in critical condition. though, that critical scenario lead to afterlife too, so no wishful thinking here. but, ahh are we getting a background story for suna too?🥺 this is where i'm betting my wish at. while we’re at it, i wonder how atsumu will react to suna impregnating mari. i imagine he would say ‘dude wtf?! she chose you! how could you?!’ i know he is happy with his gf but can’t help to be caring as ever to y/n.

reading chps 7-9 in one go was a pleasant experience 1.because school😔🤢 2.angst is way more comforting than comedy 3.no more anxious thoughts of why and how this happened because at this point, i’m just playing hidden mickey here. but i truly love the story, can’t believe it’s already ending by the next update. saerennn i hope ur okay bub?🥺 and get that hashbrowns after finishing the series or while working for the last track. u deserve it!! luv u~💕💕

🍳

my egg anon, hello !! I’m so sorry for the late response, my asks were piled up and I got busy with school :<

AND AAAAAH THANK YOU I’M SO HAPPY YOU GOT THE MESSAGE OF THE CHERRY BLOSSOMS!! it was actually taken from the music video I linked back to the end of the chapter and my friend and I were discussing it because I think there were lots of symbolism on it. the one about new beginnings because the cherry blossoms only come for a certain time of the year before a new season comes also represents how YN and Suna keep going back and forth to loving, getting complicated, forgiving, getting complicated and so on and so forth. I love everything you said because it was exactly how I wanted the story to be like <33 the part about being anxious too !! that’s why YN keeps saying ‘this cycle never ends.’ and YESSSS THAT’S ALSO WHY I CHOSE BROKEN RECORDS AS THE TITLE. the ‘records’ refer to them playing love songs and then apology songs to each other over and over but then the song stops and they start to have new stories :<<

oooooh yes, totally. judging from my own experience, I can tell too whether it’s love or infatuation. when I’m with someone I love, I feel totally at peace and safe with them. it’s comfortable, it’s not supposed to be scary or nerve wracking. even if something wrong happened, you’re assured by the knowledge they’d be patient and listen to you. AND THIS PART WHERE YOU SAID THIS ABOUT SUNA ‘whether she has that rose-tinted glasses on or not, identifying the blaring red flags is hard to accept notice if that same marker is the one that brings her comfort due to its familiarity’ ITS 100% ACCURATE. same goes for suna tbh. YN was the one who broke his heart when they broke up but she was also the only able to comfort him. it’s hard for them to let each other go because they’re both a source of pain and familiarity that they struggle to find in this world. yes there’s some slight foreshadowing in how suna reacted with mari. he was on edge and he didn’t know what to do most of the time because he doesn’t understand mari the same way he understands YN. as for him being on edge, he most definitely was tiptoeing because mari placed a lot of boundaries such as keeping YN completely out of the picture and making her presence a bare minimum.

NOOOO BECAUSE THAT’S SO TRUE. Nagisa is always updated with YN. YN is the one who updates her about her life because she’s always trying to make conversation, but Nagisa pretends to be ‘uninterested’ although don’t let that fool you because she remembers every little detail just in case she can use it against her half sister. nagisa and mari met after mari broke up with suna in ch1 so yes, nagisa already knew the situation !! that’s why she called YN a ‘whore’ because if she ‘was with Suna’ then why is she also ‘dating’ Kita? so in nagisa’s eyes, YN is just the same as her mom.

lucy was half and half. sometimes she has good intentions but most of the time she’s also just messed in the head and she really fucked with YN’s trust issues. HMMM I WANTED A BACKGROUND STORY FOR SUNA TOO TBH but I didn’t know where to fit it and I didn’t want to add random, unnecessary details :<< AND FOR ATSUMUUUUU…. atsumu crushed on YN real hard… until now, even though he has a gf (now wife in the timeskip) you can tell he still cares about YN

NAUUUR angst is way more comforting than comedy sobs. and yes baby, I’m doing okay !! just a lil busy with uni work but nothing I can’t handle <33 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS EGG ANON, I REALLY LOVE HEARING YOUR THOUGHTS ON IT BECAUSE YOU HAVE SUCH A BIG BRAIN AHHH I love you, stay safe too bb <33

[derekmorganscrocs]

Nancy Drew 2x6? Thoughts While Watching

Technically its the season 2 premiere but I have no idea what to number it

SPOILER WARNING!! SWEARING TOO.

A YATCH? OH GET IT BESS.

OH PLATANCHOR

ACE GOT A NOTE FROM HIS MOM AWWW. I want a picnic date on a mountain, no cap.

Nick and George teamwork is so cute. AW NICKS MOM! “Nice non pagan game night.” I’m sent.

I LOVE MORGUE GUY HES SO FUNNY

HAHAHA DETECTIVE TAMARA MAKING FUN OF NANCY IS GOLD. Nancy don’t make an enemy of another cop you already did that to McGinnis and that was kinda bad (until he switched on you). TELL NANCY WHAT SHE WANTS TO KNOW TAMARA. SHELL FIND OUT WITHOUT U HOE.

OH NO. WH-WHAT. THE BODY FRIDGE BOXES ARE SPEAKING TO U MISS NANCY.

OMG CARSON AND NANCY ACTUALLY HANGING OUT? Aw I kinda love that. The way he just knows exactly what she’s doing.

WHY SHE PUT THAT IN HER POCKET.

Ace nancy is about to die stop talking about food. I love you but read the room babe. DON’T HANG UP BITCH-

OMG ITS A BODY WHAT THE FUCK

Georges sister being a fish right activist. Omg me when I stand up to fast(that’s not supposed to be about the fish rights it’s about George just dying against a shelf)- I think Odette may have attached herself to George.

“Did you burn your knuckle hair again?”

“Game night Ace crushes.” Aw I love him.

Bess “did you kill someone” “oh it smells” STOP.

“Tamara already thinks we have a thing for dead bodies” Ace please never ever stop talking.

AH THIS WHOLE SCENE IS SENDING ME.

The way george goes EGH after she picks up the mouth thing.

Pls not us arguing over where in Nancy’s house to do an autopsy.

HAUNTED TREE-

Aw Carson still views her as a kid, I love. oh she’s so offended.

NOT THE KITCHEN TOOL AUTOPSY. Ace snapping the rubber glove made me snort omfg. He’s everything.

OK CORONER BESS. Nick is so grossed out and I love that he can’t say bug names. Detective crew 1000.

GEORGE IS HAUNTED. A MILLION PERCENT. Nick knows at least.

OH I DONT LIKE THAT WHAT THE FUCK WHY DID ACE OPEN THE BODY LIKE HE WAS PULLING OPEN ELEVATOR DOORS.

Nick is a genius, and nancy hyping him up is serving me bffs. Pls Hannah is serving angry hippie vibes.

I LOVE GEORGES TATTOOS SHES SO HOT.

OMG THE BOYS

“What like that time that she literally died?” Ok nick. OH COUPLE BOYFRIEND THERAPIES, YES BOYS TALK ABOUT UR GIRLS.

I HATE BUGS EW. OH ITS LEAKING. ITS LEAKING. AH NO

The sheer panic on their faces when someone knocks. Not morgue guy. Oh nancy gaslight him, periodt.

It blinked- (yeah I screamed this what about it.)

Is game night back on tho?

The way ace’s curls look so much better than mine, I’m so jealous. I want to play with his hair. Yes I am obsessed. What about it?

Morgue guy raging is funny. “Kidnapped cadaver”. Ahahha. NO NOT CHARLES’ ARM! It’s a voodoo doll or something- WHY IS THE CORPSE CRUNCH? OH NO HES GONE

The way bess says “come on,” is just perfect I love.

The house freaks me out a lil. Nick reassuring nancy, I really need a nick y’all.

THE KID’S CHARLES ACTION FIGURE OH NAH OH HELL NAH, WTF. WTF. HES ACTUALLY TALKING TO THE TOY NO.

George is freaking me out y’all. Ace platanchoring everyone. ACE AND GEORGE FRIENDSHIP 😭 I LOVE. ACE IS SO SWEET. NO GEORGE OPENING UP. She’s so scared, omg no. “What if I never feel normal again” broke me. Broke. I felt that so much.

Morgue guy going crazy. Babe stop repeating yourself, chill. It’s jus a ghost 🙄.

Ok come on Leo don’t be a pussy- sorry that was aggressive. Bess STOP I CANT HANDLE THIS, “BOXY”??? ACCENT NICK ACCENT NICK!

NOT GEORGES SISTERS. NO. Astronaut cat is so cool. OHNO OH NO OH NO.

RUN RUN- WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? No George begging them to hurry and the way her voice breaks. STOP STOP NO- Nick having to hold her back and the way her voice is just breaking and raspy, WOW. NO WAY, Ace is holding back the little sister. SO HE’s GOOD WITH KIDS? Amazing performance by Leah Lewis here, I love her. As an older sister, this is totally an accurate reaction and was excellently acted. just wow.

“Those ghost kids were awesome” thanks for saving me from tears Ace.

NICK IS A ROCK. HI I CANT HANDLE THIS RN BESTIE. Nick stop being such a good guy.

SHE CALLED HIM DAD. SHE CALLED HIM DAAAD. HI CARSON PLS STOP BEING ADORABLE U R ATTACKING MY EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT ISSUES. Ooh lawyer investigator nancy? Aw she’s staying at the Claw too though. LUNCHES ARE INCLUDED! Sobbing.

SHE IS SPEAKING TO ODETTE. OOH ODETTE GOT A LIL SASS IN THAT “enchanté” ok maam.

Yo I deadass forgot morgue guy’s name-

SISTER’S THOUGHTS :

Ryan and Carson need to be an old married couple (I suggested arguing over nancy like a divorced couple)

“Lilith is that you??” @ the white eyes corpse

EW SHE PUT IT IN HER POCKET.

“I thought it was gonna be like a yeti, blow her hair- BODY”

Both mom and Alexis hiding and shrieking as nancy looks around her house for the banging.

Punky Brewster ad, she goes “paget Brewster??”

“Those aren’t human! They’re not supposed to be in there” @whatever the fuck was in that body, said cheerfully and stupidly. 5 seconds later “Bess and Ace were too prepared for that apotoposty. (Pause for thinking)... autopsy.”

Starts calling the bugs “mouthboards” (she actually was calling them that the whole time)

Repeats “blinked” for thirty five seconds before pronouncing the i in any other way she can think of.

Fails at sliding down the railing because she couldn’t run downstairs fast enough before the show came on. Proceeds to crabwalk gallop back to her chair.

“That was scary!” (Said like Dean Winchester in “yellow fever”)

It’s called a vessel. 🖐🙄

WHY DO THEY DO EVERYTHING AT NIGHT.

“Scotland” but she said it in an awful British accent that was supposed to be Scottish-

“Seriously? Do they just lose Ted once every season now, or?”

*cryptic smooth beatbox dancing to end credit music?* update: she says it’s interpretive dancing...

She wants to know where Ryan is. “Why was he just MIA this whole time?”

[butlerbarb]

Sweets (Leviathan x Reader)

i suppose i should start this blog off with the first fic i posted on ao3!

Staring at yourself in the mirror as you fiddled with your uniform, you sighed. It just didn’t fit right! Diavolo had said he found the one that matched your human world size the closest, but apparently demons and humans were different in more ways than you thought. With another tug at the chest area, you groaned, deeming it good enough for now. You’d get Asmodeus to fix it later.

Exiting your bathroom, you grabbed your D.D.D just as it buzzed to life with a text. Catching Leviathan’s name on screen, you smiled and unlocked your device. Taking a quick look at the text Mammon had sent you – something along the lines of wanting you to skip with him again – before you opened Levi’s.

Leviathan: Gud morning. Are you going to RAD today?

[Y/N]: …I HAVE to go.

Leviathan: Why do you have to go? You’d have a better time skipping school and playing games with me all day.

You rolled your eyes. Really, what was it with these demons and wanting you to skip school? It was everyday that at least one of the more troublesome brothers asked you to skip and do something else with them. Even if some days you wanted to skip, you knew Lucifer would have you hide if he did, so you tended to avoid any of their persuasion.

[Y/N]: I AM a student, after all.

Hitting send on the text, you clicked your phone off and shoved it into your pocket. Pulling the door to your room open, you were immediately greeted by Mammon, fist already raised into the air to knock on your door. His eyes went wide, and he laughed, his hand falling and landing on his hips in typical Mammon fashion. His shocked expression quickly morphed into a grin that oozed confidence, again, typical Mammon fashion.

“Are you psychic now, Human? Or were you just that excited to see the GREAT Mammon, that you came rushing out of your room?” Mammon spoke, as cheerful and loud as ever. You stared at him, shaking your head at his overflowing confidence, he was very annoyingly cute.

“Yes, Mammon, I was just SO excited to see you this morning I came rushing out of my room as soon as I heard your footsteps.” You spoke sarcastically, hoping Mammon would catch it. He didn’t. Instead, your words only seemed to inflate his ego more. You watched in disbelief as his grin grew wider and a small blush dusted his cheeks.

“Ha-ha! Of course, ya’d be excited to see me! I am the GREAT Mammon, after all!” He boasted again, leaning down slightly towards you. You laughed, rolling your eyes again and reaching a hand towards his waiting head. You gave his hair a ruffle, bushing a part of it out of his eyes.

“Yes, yes of course, you are very great, Mammon. Now let’s go to breakfast please, I’m starving.” Mammon let out a quiet, happy cheer at your praise, refusing to pull away from your hand until you pushed him away. He took off down the hall, leaving you to walk by yourself, to which you wonder what the point of him coming to your room was anyway. With a shake of your head, you pulled your phone out of your pocket as it buzzed again.

Leviathan: OOH, GOODY 2 SHOES OVER HERE

You snorted at the text, getting read to type a reply when another two texts popped in from Leviathan.

Leviathan: Well, go on and go if you’re gonna go. Come back home quickly tho. Leviathan: I can’t do any of the co-op dungeons by myself, you know.

You laughed, smiling to yourself as you walked down the stairs to the first floor. You had forgotten that Leviathan had made you play on of his PC games with you the other day, claiming that it wasn’t cause he liked you, he just need someone to do the two player dungeons with and you were the most reasonable choice. He was cute.

[Y/N]: Roger, boss! <3

You watched in amusement as he read the text immediately and the three dots popped up, disappeared, popped up a second time and then disappeared again. Leviathan never ended up replying, much to your amusement, making you think he simply went into emotional overdrive and shut down. He was really cute.

You pocketed your phone right as you stepped into the dining room. Claiming the seat in between Mammon and Beelzebub, you greeted everyone at the table and began piling some food onto your plate. Beelzebub always made comments about how little you ate – although everyone ate very little compared to him – not realized that you couldn’t eat most of the stuff demons ate. Monkey brains, spider legs, you swore you caught Satan downing a vial of poison before. Demons ate things you were sure would kill you in the most painful way possible.

After breakfast, Mammon and Beelzebub accompanied you to your class – Mammon unwillingly, of course – and you spent most of the morning trying to get both brothers to focus on their work instead of slacking off. You felt your phone buzz a few times, but you made sure not to make a habit of checking your phone in class, you didn’t want your teachers, and subsequently Lucifer, getting mad at you.

Around lunchtime was when you finally pulled out your phone at Mammon’s insistence. He demanded you check out this new game he had playing, claiming you would like it as well. You noted that you had a few texts from some demon friends the brothers said would be okay for you to talk to, most just asking if you were busy after school, wanting to hang out. You would have, had you not had plans with Leviathan. Texting them back, telling them you were busy, you then proceeded to the app store to download the game Mammon wanted you to.

You opened it up, both Mammon and Beelzebub now leaning over your shoulder to watch you play. It was a rhythm game focusing on cute, demon idol girls. It also contained gacha elements, so you knew this was just another game Mammon would blow all his money on until he got bored. It was fun, and you had no trouble picking up how to play, having fallen victim to plenty of rhythm games back in the human world.

Mammon complained as you easily S-ranked even the hardest difficulties, claiming he was only able to do up to normal, hard on some songs. Beelzebub laughed at him, claiming he just didn’t have any rhythm himself, which of course, set Mammon off on a tyrant. You ignored Mammon’s insistent yelling, tuning both brothers out as you focused on a particularly difficult song. You tuned them back in once you were finished, only to watch as Beelzebub full-combo-ed an especially difficult song on max difficulty. You high-fived the younger brother, laughing as Mammon complained in the background.

Turning back to your phone, you caught a glimpse of a notification banner sliding off-screen. Closing the rhythm game, you opened your messages, seeing Leviathan’s name at the top. Seeing as he completely ignored your last message made you chuckle.

Leviathan: What’s uuuup? Ur still at RAD, rite? Could you hit up Lament and get some Bufo Egg Milk Tea for me on your way home?

Smirking to yourself, you typed out your reply:

[Y/N]: My services do not go free of charge

You could feel Levi rolling his eyes at you as he typed his response. Once Levi had started warming up to you after making a pact with him, you realized he enjoyed it when you gave him playful responses and teased him lightly. He was always annoyed when his brothers did it, but for some reason played along when it was you.

Leviathan: FINE, be that way [Y/N], I’ll give you some cash so you can get something for yourself, too. I’m still gonna ask you to pay me back tho lol. Thanks in advance 👍

[Y/N]: Aw, you’re the best Levi! I’ll be home in a little, you better have snacks ready :3

After your conversation with Levi, the bell rang for the end of lunch. You headed back to your classroom with both brothers in tow, happily anticipating the end of the day. Your last classes were fairly laid back, meaning time passed by in a blur. Once you and everyone else were released, you insisted Mammon and Beelzebub take you to Lament, knowing you’d probably get lost on your own. You made the trip as quick as possible, knowing if you stayed there for any longer than necessary Beelzebub would try to order everything in the café. You got what Levi wanted, and a snack and drink for yourself with the money he sent you. Mammon demanded you buy him something as well and pouted when you told him you only had the money Levi lent you.

After waiting for an extra 15 minutes so Beelzebub could get his absolutely massive order, the three of you headed back to the House of Lamentation. You quickly ditched the second- and sixth-born brothers in favour of the third-born. You knocked on his door gingerly, entering quickly after you recited the secret password. Leviathan was reclined on his bed, phone in hand as he gazed up at you. He held his hand out expectantly, and you took the hint to hand him his drink. He shifted over slightly in the bed, allowing you room to scooch in beside him.

“What’d you get?” He asked, gesturing to the drink and paper bag you held in your hand. You only shrugged in response; you weren’t really sure what you got yourself. Mammon had pointed out the things that were most “human-friendly,” so you just got that. Explaining that to Levi, he only nodded in response before going back to his phone. You took an experimental sip of your drink, slightly scared about what it would do to you, only to find that it was actually surprisingly good!

You hummed happily as you continued to sip on your drink as Leviathan laughed beside you. Taking the pastry you got out its bag, you started at it in slight horror. It looked… strange to say the least. It was a cupcake that you had thought was adorned with a fondant eyeball and icing. As it turned out, this guess was very, very wrong. The eye seemed to follow you as you moved it around and to your utmost horror, it blinked. Had you not been in Leviathan’s room, you most likely would have thrown it across the room. With a grimace, you held it out to the demon beside you.

“Is this like… safe for me to eat? It feels like it’s gonna attack me if I do…” You spoke quietly, eyeing the cupcake warily. Leviathan laughed at your question, grabbing your wrist to bring the item closer to his face. He sniffed it, before letting go of your hand and shaking his head.

“Nah, I think you’ll be fine, lol. I think it’s chocolate.” He replied, using his pinky finger to swipe a bit of the icing off of it. Bringing it to his mouth, he nodded in confirmation as he licked the sweet icing off his finger.

“Yeah that’s chocolate. The eye won’t hurt you, it’s not actually real.”

“But…”

“No buts! Just eat it or go give it to Beel.”

With a sigh, you hesitantly brought the dessert to your mouth. Taking a small bite out of it, your eyes lit up at the taste. Surprisingly, it was just as good at the drink! You happily took a bigger bite, no longer feeling creeped out by how it was seemingly living, you were free to enjoy how yummy it was.

“See? I told you it was good, normie.” Leviathan laughed, his hand reaching out to pick off a piece of the actually cake for himself. He hummed to himself, muttering under his breath about telling the guys on the forums to check this out. You snorted, was all that all he was thinking about? People he only knew through the internet? He was so lame, it was cute.

“What does your drink taste like?” You asked, now suddenly curious of the cup he held in his hand. His eyes widened as you reached out to grab it from him, jerking his arm away from you. You frowned, reaching out further for it, only to have him pull it further away from you. This continued until you were practically on top of him, yet he was still just barely able to hold it out of your reach.

“Levi,” you whined, sprawling yourself on top of him as you tried to reach for his drink. “Let me have a taste!”

“No way! That’d be like, an indirect kiss or something!” He protested. At his words, you practically deadpanned, staring him right in the face. No longer reaching for the drink, you let your hands fall to his chest as you continued staring at him. You watched as very noticeable blush dusted his cheeks a bright red colour, as well as the tips of his ears.

“What? Quit staring at me like that!” He pouted, turning his face away from you in an attempt to cover his quickly darkening blush. You nudged his chin with your hand, forcing his gaze back onto you. You stared down at him until he finally met your eyes again, a pout on his lips. God, when he looked like this you could have sworn, he was the Avatar of Lust, not the Avatar of Envy.

“You’re so worried about an indirect kiss, does that mean you’ve never actually kissed someone, Levi?” You asked quietly, leaning down closer to the demon underneath you, watching him squirm in panic at your question. He refused to meet your eyes, the colour on his ears darkening more than you ever thought possible. Although, seeing as you were in the realm of demons, you supposed anything could be possible now.

“Quit it…” Leviathan muttered sheepishly, his bottom lip jutting out more and more. Moving your hand from his chin, you slide it up the side of his face and into his hair. Just like his older brother, Leviathan was weak to having his head rubbed and hair played with.

“I’ll stop if you want me to, Levi. I won’t use the pact to make you stay if you don’t want to.” You offered, backing off slightly and getting ready to remove yourself from him. He stopped you, however, his hands shyly resting on your hips to keep you in place. He refused to meet your gaze, but you could tell by the way his fingers dug into you slightly that he didn’t want you to leave.

“Tell me what you want, Levi.” You teased, using the hand that wasn’t tangled in his hair to trace the side of his face. The embarrassed glare he shot at you was so adorable, you almost cooed at him like a child, but you knew that would only ruin the mood. You slowly dragged your hand from his cheeks to his lips, using your thumb to pull at his bottom lip slightly. The noise that left his mouth, similar to that of a kitten, was adorable to say the least, and you could feel yourself swooning at his cuteness.

“Levi, you’re so cute.” You whispered, leaning down to ever so slightly brush your lips against his, watching in amusement as he stretched to fully connect your lips with his. You moved to brush your lips against his again, but right before you could, you swerved to the left slightly. Grabbing his once discarded milk tea and bringing the straw to your lips, you took a sip before scowling at the taste. You assumed it was probably because of the weird, slimy texture of the Bufo eggs, but something about it was off-putting.

From underneath you, Leviathan groaned, frowning up at you. You feigned innocence, tilting your head to the side as if to ask did I do something wrong? Before you could react to anything, Levi’s hands that were once on your waist moved to cup your cheeks in the blink of an eye. He then, suddenly feeling bold you assumed, brought your lips to his forcefully. The kiss was awkward, clearly showing his inexperience, but it made it more endearing to you.

Leviathan, the socially awkward, shut it nerd, was willingly giving you, a human, his first kiss. This was the best day of your life, really. You sure hoped Levi was enjoying it as much as you were, if not you were sure the situation would quickly become awkward. You definitely didn’t want this to ruin the friendship you had with him, and his brothers as well.

Demons, as you just found out, could hold their breath much longer than humans. When you pulled away from him, he was nowhere near as out of breath as you were, but you could probably blame that on your own excitement and the way he kissed you without warning. You weren’t complaining, though, you liked the bolder, confident side of the normally awkward and sheepish demon.

Leviathan frowned up at you, obviously upset that you pulled away when he wasn’t finished. You rolled your eyes at him, poking his cheek lightly as he tried to pull you back down to him. You rolled off of him, curling into his side. He sighed, wrapping one arm around you as his other grabbed his previously discarded drink. You didn’t realize when you had let go of it, more than likely sometime when he was kissing you.

“Weren’t we supposed to be playing games?” You asked, peering up at him from under your lashes. He glanced down at you, a hint of a smile on his face as he shook his head at you.

“We were, but you seemed more interested in stealing my drink from me. Can’t believe I let a normie like you kiss me.” He replied, setting his drink down of his nightstand to grab his phone. You watched as he loaded up a website, one you certainly didn’t recognize, and began furiously typing on his phone. You snorted at his response, batting him lightly on the chest.

“Oh please, Levi, you’re the one that kissed me. You’re so cute when you’re confident, by the way.” Levi’s typing slowed to a stop at your words, his cheeks flaring to life once again. He refused to look at you, his eyes staying focused on his phone screen as he tried to finish what he was typing.

“Whatever, it’s not my fault you teased me like that.” He spoke, trying to sound as confident as possible, although you knew he was freaking out on the inside. He blew a strand of hair out of his eyes, the arm he had wrapped around you tightening slightly. He was embarrassed for sure, but you found it all the cuter.

Peeking at his phone, you caught a brief glance of what Levi was typing and had to suppress a laugh.

You guys aren’t gonna believe but totally just kissed a super cute waifu! LMAO!

You didn’t know what a “waifu” was or why it was a “LMAO” moment, but it didn’t really bother you.

Leviathan really was the cutest.

[thewebcomicsreview]

Oh shit, Homestuck 2 is back! Looks like the art team problems are getting worse, but maybe the writing’s good? Quick, recap of the story so far, since there was a hiatus

Previously, on Homestuck 2:  DIRK: I’m evil now and we’re on a new planet where we shall create our own lifeforms and rule them as gods ROSE: I’m making memes and vaginas DIRK: NOOOOO ROSE: Jade got me preganté and we named our kid Yiffy and I kept it a secret from everyone this whole time, including my wife but inexplicably not the dictator I’ve trying to overthrow, who kidnapped her JOHN: NOOOOO CALLIOPE: I’m in ur bod drinking ur juice JADE: NOOOOO CALLIOPE: Oh, like you’re not used to having weird people inside you, skank JADE: Wow, rude, I’m kicking you out of my brain for that  CALLIOPE: NOOOOO JOHN: Man, I love how my son tells me everything and keeps no secrets  KARKAT: John! Vriska’s alive and she murdered the clown pope and your son is hiding her because he and his friends are wanted for treason  JOHN: ...... KARKAT: You’re supposed to say “NOOOOO” John: Why would I? That fucking rules!  We now return to Homestuck 2

Yay, we’re finally seeing Davebot, Aradia, and Calliope. Fun fact: In a comic with like ten billion retcons and timeline splits, this Aradia is still the definitive “real” Aradia in a way no other character can claim to be (except Sollux), which is a fun endgame for a character who was introduced has having hundreds of thousands of duplicates.  I can not wait to see how the HS2 writers ruin her. (Also, where did they get a rocket ship?)

Also it it me, or is there something a little off about this art?

DAVEBOT: beep boop ARADIA: i have told you several times that i was a robot before and i know for a fact you dont have to say beep boop DAVEBOT: hm that sounds fake does not compute ARADIA: david DAVEBOT: mom

“David”? 

This is the first indication in the entire series that any of these kids’ names are short for anything, something Hussie explicitly said wasn’t the case but which was never actually addressed in the comic proper so I guess it’s not a plot hole. Still, it feels a little....wrong? 

ARADIA: well we are both an infinite number of years old living countless lifetimes at once but thats no reason to waste any of our...

Wait, what?! Aradia is Ultimate, too? When did that happen?! Why does she not need a robot body? 

DAVEBOT: time DAVEBOT: say time ARADIA: ... DAVEBOT: time then make a weird face

There’s a fine line between “callback” and straight up recycling a joke. 

ARADIA: would you say you are hung up on leaving your wife and friends behind DAVEBOT: are you ARADIA: am i hung up about leaving your wife and friends behind ARADIA: i do not think that i am no DAVEBOT: arent you even a little guilty about ditching your boyfriend ARADIA: what ARADIA: oh fuck

I do like the implication here that Aradia flat forgot about Sollux. Poor dude can’t catch a break. .

Ooh, an [S]. An extremely basic one, but still. Also, from this scene in the epilogues:

The distant sounds of war travel above the canopy of a forest. The artillery fire fades to a series of muted knocks and thuds as the sound waves cross beyond a thinning patch of the forest and arrive in a clearing of grass and shrubbery. Above, the sky is dramatic, colorful, menacing. The way it looks when a storm is coming. The clouds are wild, whipped into a sort of spatial frenzy, as if they know what’s imminent is no earthly phenomena. Aradia stands in the field, her mouth gaping wide. But not at the sky.

Probably the starkest example of how the epilogues presented Earth C has falling about and doomed and stormy and scary like the system crash in Reboot and Homestuck 2 has it all sunny and bright. I kind of wish HS2 kept the semi-apocalyptic feel of the epilogues, even if it made Aradia’s spurious decision to leave Sollux behind way more dickish. 

Oh hey, God’s back, and back in the body of the OG pre-Retcon Jade Harley. There’s something very Shoujo about this posing.

DAVEBOT: thanks JADE: They sit in each other's presence, the silence between them as meaningful as any words they could exchange. DAVEBOT: its always really cool to hear how meaningful my silences are DAVEBOT: especially while DAVEBOT: CALCULATING DAVEBOT: CALCULATING DAVEBOT: especially while i am attempting to experience them

I think Calliope, and possibly Aradia, is shipping Dave/Aradia right now, which is a pairing that has some comedic appeal were it not for Dave’s gayness.

ARADIA: i think she looks quite lovely covered in the viscera of the all-powerful enemy she consumed ARADIA: floating lifelessly in our periphery

We just established that this is months after they left Candyland. Has Jade’s body been covered in the blood and guts of Lord English this entire time? Take a goddamn shower, Jesus. 

Oh, there we go. Much better. Also, the one thing I heard about this upd8 was all the discussion of jorts, and then Dave references jorts, but no one is actually wearing them, unless Aradia’s got a pair on under her cultist robes? (Also, is Calliope’s Jade body healed from the shard of reality that killed it originally, or is there just a huge hole under her shirt)?

JADE: As a point of curiosity- ARADIA: oh shit!!!!

The dead Cherub possessing the body of an equally deceased Goddess of Space pauses at the interruption. Were she to voice her opinion, it would be that --actually-- it is not unusual for those whose primary concern is The Grander Scheme to have a passing curiosity about the insignificant. So when one really thinks about it, any annoyance with the attendant’s small mindedness is both understandable and warranted.

ARADIA: :(

Given how much time was spent on how Terezi can sense Dirk’s narration, I like how Calliope’s narration is literally just her talking out loud and everyone can clearly hear it and just assumes it’s like a troll quirk.

ARADIA: in this form our bodies stop aging once we reach maturity i think ARADIA: the god tier keeps our physical form locked in a state of undying ARADIA: even in death the bodies do not decay ARADIA: only lay dormant DAVEBOT: no thats boring DAVEBOT: like how long have you been alive JADE: yes, that one.

One of the things I don’t fully get about Calliope is why there’s stuff like this she doesn’t know. Another thing I don’t get: How come John and Jake are visibly middle-aged? They’re gods, too. 

ARADIA: you were there too i threw your air conditioner into the sun DAVEBOT: wow thats fucked up DAVEBOT: thats not where that goes at all JADE: these events are not-canonical. ARADIA: rude

I believe this is a reference to Pesterquest?

DAVEBOT: is that the trope of being hundreds of years old but looking young forever patently sucks ass DAVEBOT: a plot device an asshole would write ARADIA: :( JADE: that is not what i am trying to say at all. DAVEBOT: hmm wow yeah thatd really be a sort of pot/kettle situation i guess DAVEBOT: i cant believe im the only woke one here DAVEBOT: its hard being such a visionary AND such a fine metallic specimen

What the fuck is David even talking about? What? 

DAVEBOT: but can she see why kids love the sweet cinnamon taste of cinnamon toast crunch JADE: i do not know, or care, what that means. ARADIA: neither do i :)

I like the “Best Narrator” mug, and with this sudden headache to interrupt the laughter comes the end of the chapter and presumably a lead in to the next one when we’ll learn what’s blowing Calliope’s mind 

[seijorhi]

asks :)

hhhh y’all got me cryin over here over your The Final Girl responses 😭 💕

holy shit so i. so i have notifs on and i usually save them all for night so i can go through them and have all my fics to read at night, right? everytime you post i drop whatever i’m doing and immediately start reading and you NEVER disappoint. that slasher fic is AMAZING. your writing style is so suspenseful and it really gets you into what you’re reading and i’m always so excited with your work. amazing job as always !!

sdfgyhgfghjk it was my first time trying to write like proper horror and i was so scared that it was just gonna fall flat or just not be that tense?? so thank you!! i’m really glad you liked it :)

RHI BBY!! PHENOMENAL work as always. the chase? the build up? the faint sense of hope the reader feels for a successful escape only for her to be quite literally shoved back into the devil’s grasp (also the fact that she’s going to give birth to a killer’s child bdishsjsh its a hopeless situation really), and let’s not get started on that closing line. my GOD i got absolute chills. this genre was literally MADE for you holy shit, thank you for sharing your talent ❤️🐦

🥺 bby I’ve missed you!! i spent a long time debating about whether i’d add the pregnancy thing or not, but i’m so glad i did, because it just adds to the awfulness of it all i think, and the reader’s desperation. but thank you sm!! i’ve decided that writing violent psychopaths with soft spots for their darlings is now my fave thing haha

OH MY GOD THE FINAL GIRL IS INCREDIBLE RHI!! I have to ask, did they stumble upon her at the campsite by chance? or was it their goal from the beginning to get her, her poor friends just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time (i think the latter was implied but just wondering!!) also, who’s the baby daddy 👀👀

oh, they definitely knew that the reader and her friends were camping in their hunting grounds, and probably spent a day or so just watching from a distance, waiting - that’s how they knew that the reader was hiding after they’d killed the others. it just so happened to be bad luck that the reader made an distinct impression on the three in that time, and kind of sealed her own fate without even realising it.

as far as the baby daddy goes - i haven’t decided. it’s a one in three chance i suppose, pick your favourite it’s not like it really matters, they’re just gonna keep breeding you until you give ‘em each what they want 👀

hi!! i think the pregnancy aspect of your story is super fascinating bc it’s sort of a double edged sword. on one end, the pregnancy ties her to them, but on the other, the reader could use it to her advantage. threaten to kill or hurt the baby inside of her if they try to do something, maybe that’s why she was protective over it. not that they won’t just a fuck another one into her

this!! very much this!! the reader’s actually kinda torn over the baby - on the one hand she knows it’s innocent, it didn’t ask to be born and for better or worse it is her child - but it’s also theirs, and she’s terrified of what they’ll do - and you’re right, even if she lost/got rid of that one, they have absolutely no issues in knocking her up again, regardless of what she wants

will they be nice to the baby once they’re born 😰

define ‘nice’👀

haha, i’m kidding. they’re not gonna outright hurt it, they kinda have the whole ‘family’ fantasy thing going on, with the reader being barefoot and pregnant, keeping them happy and sated, and when the kids are old enough they’ll get to out hunting with their dads and it’ll be a real fucked up family bonding.

I was thinking abt yandere pairs in Haikyuu and I know there are the more canon-ish pairs like Bokuaka or Iwaoi but I was wondering what your opinion would be on Osamu & Suna sharing a darling?

ooh - I could definitely get behind a Suna/Osamu x reader pairing! 

Omg I loved the slasher fic it was absolutely amazing! Like I’ve read it 3 times already lol. The fear and anticipation and the utter craziness are phenomenal. Question! Akaashi says abt Bo and Kuroo not minding if they get started w/o them. Does this mean they planned from the beginning to abduct the reader? before they killed everyone else? Or did Akaashi just decide? Like how long they knew about the reader before things went down, and if the friends would’ve been spared if she wasn’t there?

so i kinda touched on it above, but they were watching the reader and her friends for a few days and the plan was always (or at least after she caught their attention in all the wrong ways) to leave her alive while killing the others. her friends were always going to die - that much was set in stone the moment they decided to make camp in the woods. but ahhh thank you so much!! you’re very sweet, bby!

RHI! Final Girl? Amazing. Exquisite. 10000/10 👌😫 I was on the edge of my seat the entire time! There’s something about the way you write that just makes me feel the story, ya’ know? God, feral killer Bokuto and teasing, merciless Kuroo were TERRIFYING but cold, calculated Akaashi made my heart level elevate 😰 (all in a very good way I assure you) But can I ask if the trio had been planning that for awhile? Did they see you somewhere and develop a crush? (How did Kuroo and Bokuto react when they came back and saw Akaashi and reader “getting started” without them? 🥵) Thanks for making my Halloween! 🧡

💕💕💕 thank you!!! you guys are being so nice about this fic!!

but it’s kind of funny, because akaashi definitely knew that kuroo and bokuto would both be pissed off to come back and see him and the reader having ‘fun’ without them, but they’re not there to stop him and akaashi low key enjoys winding them up. plus, he wants to be the first to taste her, and he knows bo and kuroo are both selfish and possessive, so he’ll take any opportunity/head start he can get haha. 

RHIIII OML ASDFGHJKL I THINK I MIGHT DIE. That was insanely beautiful! Terrifying but beautiful. *incoherent screaming* YOU'RE DOING GREAAAAT!! YOU'RE ONE AMAZING PERSON!! HERE TAKE ALL MY LOVEEE 💕💕💕💕💕

SDFGHJKHGHJK BBY THANK YOUUUUUU!! you’re gonna make me melt if y’all keep being so damn sweet 😭 ily!!

BRO IN FINAL GIRL WHEN YOU PUT THAT PLOT TWIST I WAS SHAKING ITS SO GOOD

i am a huge sucker for plot twists, i’m glad you liked this one haha

Hi Rhi, just dropping by. Hope you're doing great 😊 Ilysm and take care of yourself 💕💕💕

ily2 bby!! i hope you’re having a good day!

Lol I am shamelessly obsessed with your blog. I saw someone send you an ask saying to not feel self conscious about your smut writing and I agree!! Your stories, no matter how soon the smut starts, are absolutely incredible without the smut carrying it like some other writers on tumblr. However when you do add the actual smut it never disappoints. It’s literally like grade A stuff ya know lol. I feel like I’m reading a mini novel when I read your writing and I love it.

💕 PLS COME GET UR KISSES ANON!! no but seriously thank you, smut is always one of the areas i feel most self conscious about writing and i’m nervous to post it when i do write it, but i’m glad you guys like it (and want more?? maybe??) 💕

[yourdeepestfathoms]

We’re Five (and a half)

“Catherine, this isn’t going to work!”

“Will you stop complaining? You’ve been on my ass about this since we got back from the hospital! Understand that Anna’s only understudy that’s free today won’t get here until her plane lands. Which will take four more hours!! We don’t have a choice!”

“Isn’t there anyone else that can go on as Anna of Cleves?”

“Unless you can magically pull another girl who has all the lines and blocking memorized out of your ass, then I don’t think so!”

“Well, at least you don’t have to stand next to her!”

“Will you just be quiet?! You are driving me insane! And don’t forget it’s Kitty’s fault that more blood had to be taken!”

“It is not!”

“She played with the pouch and dropped it!!”

“...So?”

“Oh my god—”

Aragon rolled her eyes at the silver queen and stomped onto the stage. She diminished her rage when she got near their Anna of Cleves understudy- Joan, who had three pints of blood sucked out of her just an hour ago after the first two pouches were ruined by slippery hands and a certain hot pink queen with a mother who refuses to own up to what her daughter did. The blood was for the actual Cleves since the woman was going through surgery to get a hernia removed and Joan was the only person who shared her rare blood type: O-. And because she couldn’t be there, her donor had to go on for that evening show for her. And it wouldn’t have been a problem if, again, it hadn’t been three whole pints.

“How are you feeling, sweet girl?” Aragon asked, gently touching the understudy’s shoulder.

Joan looked up from her hands, which she had been gazing at as if they were made out of the most valuable jewels in human history. She blinked several times, but her eyes still remained very cloudy. Her pupils were way too big.

“‘M fine,” She said, reaching out to also touch Aragon’s shoulder, but missing completely. Her hand awkwardly flaps in the air, not understanding why there wasn’t a queen under its palm, then pulled back after a moment of hovering. “I’m feeling...great!”

Aragon smiled wryly. “That’s good. The costume feels okay?”

Joan looked down at the light blue alt costume she had been put into, since Cleves’ actual one didn’t fit her. She looked back up at Aragon with an awed expression.

“I forgot I was even wearing clothes!” She exclaimed. “Wow. This is very.....” She trailed off.

“Joan.” Aragon shook her slightly.

“Hi.” Joan snapped awake. She reached out and felt Aragon’s face. “Hello.”

“Hello, sweetheart.” Aragon replied. “We’re going to get started really soon. Are you ready?”

“Yeah,” Joan nodded lazily. “I got all the lines! And dances!”

“Good.”

“Great.”

Aragon gave her another quick smile before patting her shoulder and getting into line with the others. Several of them were glancing nervously at Joan, who kept swaying treacherously on the heels she was wearing.

“Ooh can’t see—” Joan said after the blackout.

“Hsst.” Jane hissed.

It wasn’t long before Ex-Wives began and it went surprisingly well. Not great, not even good, but it was enough. Perhaps new viewers would think that Anna of Cleves bumping into literally everyone was how the song was always scripted. But at least the little blood Joan still had pumping through her body fueled her enough to stay in tune and remember all the wounds, even if the introduction solo was mumbled more than spoken. But still!! They made it— SHE made it.

Somehow.

The show ran through the first speaking portion until they eventually got to the first lady in waiting shout-out. The sudden rise in Aragon’s tone seemed to snap Joan out of whatever reverie that had been hypnotizing her and she spun around to face the band so fast she nearly spiraled right down to the floor in a tornado of baby blue and black rhinestones.

“We got Maggie on the guitar!” Anne shouted, and her dear friend played her solo.

“Bessie...yeah!” Joan said helpfully, flapping a hand in the bassist’s direction, who was so daunted by the awkward introduction that she hesitated a second before rushing into her solo.

“And killing it on the keys, we got Joan,” Jane said, slightly startled by the actual Joan’s mess up.

“That’s me,” Joan whispered to herself as she alt played her bit.

“And with beats so sick they’ll give you gout is Maria on the drums!” Aragon said hurriedly, casting Joan an uneasy glance.

“So, you’ve come to party with us old school.” Joan said right after, and although her timing was on point, she somehow managed to slur every single word in the line.

“Really, really old school,” Jane recited, then began to laugh. Joan laughed, too, until Kitty not-so-subtly kicked her in the shin, which was nearly enough to bring her to the floor if Jane hadn’t shot out an arm and grabbed the girl by the shoulder. Her laughter died off as she craned her neck around and shot Kitty a “don’t you dare do that again or so help me—” look.

Jane didn’t release Joan’s shoulder until they got to the “we’ve heard it all” bit. She actually found herself wincing when she pulled her hand back and saw the five angry red marks left in the girl’s skin from her pointy, perfectly manicured fingernails.

“Who lasted the longest was the strongest.”

“The biggest sinner is always the winner.”

“Who had the son takes number one.”

“Who was most chased shall be first...”

“Placed,” Jane whispered.

“Cased!” Joan shouted with too much volume and enthusiasm.

“No, placed!” Jane whisper-yelled again.

“Huh?”

“Who was most chased shall be first placed!” Jane finally just said for Joan.

“...The most inglorious shall be victorious!”

“The winning contestant was the most Protestant!”

And so, the show went on, punctuated by perfectly recited lines by five queens and horribly slurred ones by a lady in waiting missing three pints of her blood.

No Way soon began. All the singing and lines were done as usual, no problem, everything on point. The dancing, on the other hand... Well, the Anna of Cleves was a bit off, reviewers would definitely say after that performance. Like, really off. Like, “she’s two feet away from the other dancers and is continuously being chased down, grappled, and pulled back over by the Catherine Parr” kind of off. But nobody fell over, so it was okay!

However, those reviewers would definitely also mention how the Anna of Cleves weirdly said, “Why is she on her phone?” and then got mouthed to “shut the fuck up” by the Jane Seymour and Katherine Howard during the bit right before Don’t Lose Ur Head. But again! Nobody fell during that song, either! But then again, there were several close calls... That Anna of Cleves was wobbling A LOT. And then there was the blocking for Wearing Yellow To A Funeral where she would reach out and grab Anne Boleyn to stop her from cussing, but she apparently reached way too far, tipped forward, and definitely would have careened right off the stage if the Anne hadn’t spun around and caught her a second before she keeled over the edge.

“Over my dead body,” Aragon said immediately after that predicament, although her voice was lacking its usual bite to the words. It was covered up completely by worry for the girl Anne was trying to stand up straight.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Jane said, moving on. “I’m pretty sure it’s my turn now.”

“You?” Joan said, voice dripping with exhaustion and fatigue. Her energy was running out fast.

“Oh, weren’t you the one he truly loved?” Kitty teased.

“Yeah, didn’t you give him the son he so desperately wanted?” Aragon added.

“Yeah, I actually had a daughter and he copped my head off.” Anne quipped.

“I had a son named Hercules,” Joan mused, and Cathy quickly covered her mouth before Kitty could kick her again.

Jane began her monologue and then soon started Heart of Stone. Aragon guided Joan over to the steps so she and the other queens could sit down during that song.

“How are you feeling?” Aragon whispered to Joan, rubbing her shoulder tenderly.

“Huh?” Joan said loudly, which caused a cacophony of “Shh!”’s and a confused glance over the shoulder by Jane.

“I asked how you’re feeling,” Aragon said again. She took one of Joan’s hands and stroked the knuckles with her thumb. She couldn’t tell if the girl was trembling out of fear or exhaustion—maybe both? Or maybe she was just vibrating as a symptom of blood loss.

“Oh.” Joan said. Then, she threw her head back, laughed, and didn’t say anything.

Kitty groaned and rolled her eyes. “We can’t keep her on anymore. She’s ruining the show!”

“Will you shut your fucking mouth?” Aragon hissed. “You kicked her! Oh yeah, don’t think I didn’t see that one, princess.”

Kitty huffed and looked away angrily.

“Yeah, but she has a point,” Anne said gently. “Look at her. Joan is suffering.”

“No I’m not,” Joan mumbled. “‘M just tired...” Her head lolled to the side and rested against Aragon’s shoulder.

“See!”

“No, no, no, no—” Joan spoke again. “I’m just- I’m okay— I just— Do you think I can sit down during Haus of Holbein?”

———

“Not only did the show as a whole feel like a humorous fever dream,” A Gen Z reviewer would later report on their blog, “but the most relatable thing that happened in the entire performance was when the Anna of Cleves sang Haus on Holbein while waving glow sticks and wearing giant light up sunglasses on the floor!”

———

mess

/mes/

a situation or state of affairs that is confused or full of difficulties.

          "the economy is still in a terrible mess"

Calling Get Down such a word would be an understatement.

If it wasn’t the slurred singing, then it was the way Joan would seemingly black out in the middle of the song, and if it wasn’t either of those, then it was definitely how she felt the need to say, “I don’t know how to snap” into the microphone at the very beginning when everyone was supposed to snap along to the beat.

But that wasn’t all. Unfortunately.

The lack of blood in her body already made her very dizzy and out of it, but all the dancing and moving around definitely wasn’t helping. Her ankles would frequently buckle under her own weight and she would stumble awkwardly to the side, causing one of the other queens to frantically scramble after her and steady her.

And then there was the part where she was supposed to squat and sing to the front row near the very end. But that didn’t go as planned, because she was unable to hold herself up while kneeling and would have fallen right off the stage if Aragon hadn’t lunged forward and caught her. She then had to hold Joan up for the rest of that bit and then held her back to her feet afterwards. As she was slur-singing, Joan patted Aragon’s shoulder in thanks—except she missed Aragon’s shoulder and instead patted her face. Several times.

“Cause I’m the queen of the castle!” Joan finally concluded, then nearly fell over again, but the queens managed to anchor her upright. She winced at the applause she got. “Absolutely..heartbreaking....”

“That doesn’t sound horrible at all,” Aragon said.

“You- you are horrible..at all,” Joan garbled, stumbling forward slightly and Anne has to jump forward quickly and assist her down the staircase before she could fall and hurt herself. “I probably...won’t win the..uhh. Oh well, back to the— the— uh...”

“Palace,” The queens whispered in unison.

“Back to the palace!”

And so, the show went on. At that point, Joan’s brain had practically melted- the poor girl couldn’t tell what was real and what wasn’t anymore, and was solely running on muscle memory. Which wasn’t much because she wasn’t a regular performer.

“Guys, I have...the plague!” Joan shouted after the “boohoo baby Mary” speech by Jane. The queens turned to her and, as scripted, began to fuss and worry loudly. “Lol! Just kidding! I just got three pints of blood taken out of me and now I can’t feel a—”

A series of loud hushes and stern looks came from the queens until she shut her mouth. She gave them all a tired, pitiful look, now regretting her decision to do this—although she didn’t really remember WHAT she was doing at this point. She’s pretty sure she was performing...but she wasn’t completely sure.

All You Wanna Do soon began and that seemed to be an eternity of wrong dance moves, slurred harmonies, awkwardly placed hands on Kitty’s body, and several kicks from Kitty herself. In Joan’s shins.

During the big fight after that song, Joan just stood there looking dazed. The queens waited for her to say her line about Cathy’s consciousness, but she didn’t, so Anne had to jump in and say it for her while Kitty glared at the delirious understudy.

After that, I Don’t Need Your Love started up and Joan was content to just sit down and let her heart rest and resupply her body with blood, but she soon had to get back on her feet during the segment in the middle of the song.

“Who was Henry the VII’s wife?” Cathy asked.

Over the mix “I don’t know”’s, Joan mumbled, “I don’t even know where I am...”

Which was true. The blood loss was REALLY getting to her head.

“Yeah, because if we had realized,” Aragon said further in, “we could have thought of some really cool ways to, like, reclaim our stories for ourselves. You know, remove Henry’s love from our lives once and for all.”

“Aww,” Joan whined. “We could have done it as a thong.”

“SONG—” The queens yelped in a harmony of panic.

“Song!” Joan quickly corrected herself, but the damage was already done. The audience was going nuts at her mistake. Now the remainders of I Don’t Need Your Love would never recover. And it didn’t. But it was over.

Joan couldn’t stand still as she stood in the lineup for the last few lines. Her eyes kept closing and then snapping open—she didn’t know how much longer she could stay awake.

“We may just be remembered for being...” She trailed off tiredly.

“Married to Henry,” Kitty hissed, fed up with the understudy.

“Carried to Penry.” Joan said.

After a few confused glances to her, the show went on...somehow.

“Yes, we can redefine how we tell our stories,” Aragon said as the show was wrapping up, “but we can’t rewrite them.”

“And we wished we could tell you our lives had happy endings.” Jane added.

“But in...brutality...corn mint...” Joan slurred, then nearly collapsed but Jane was able to get her by the arm and hold her upright. Jane also had to keep her from beelining off the stage after the mock-ending.

“This is our show and we can literally do whatever we want!” Anne said, waltzing back up to the front of the stage. Out of the corner of her eye, she can see Jane tugging Joan along with her.

“So, London, because we have five minutes left of the show!” Kitty went on, then looked at Joan expectantly.

Except Joan didn’t say her next line.

“We’ve decided to do our own,” Jane mouthed to Joan.

“Cheese hymen to do our clone,” Joan attempted to recite.

Jane stared at her in baffled horror before sputtering out, “Edited version.”

“Of what...really went down...all those years...bow tie....” Joan gurgled, her eyes fluttering shut. Kitty elbowed her in the rib cage to wake her up, which was rude, but at least worked. For now.

“Because we’re one of a kind,” Cathy began, glancing nervously at the understudy’s swaying form.

“No category,” Kitty went on.

“Chew many tears,” Joan mumbled weakly, and nobody cared enough to correct her at that point.

“Lost in history,”

“We’re free,”

“To take our crown in glory,”

“For five minutes,” They all, minus Joan, who was just awkwardly babbling along, harmonized. “We’re Six!”

And so, Six began. And it went really well if you didn’t look at the understudy for Anna of Cleves standing very still, clapping out of tune with everyone else. Or listen to the way she sang her bit as, “What a shame...la la la la la la la la la......” and then just hummed the rest weakly.

The show soon concluded. The final applause was given. There was an uproar of cheers, despite the awkwardness that happened during the entire performance. But it was over!

“Do you want one more song?” Kitty said, smirking teasingly at the audience.

The people cheered, ready for the MegaSix, and it was at that moment when Joan finally collapsed.

Kitty looked at her, then looked back at the audience, and said, “Nevermind.”

[runawaymarbles]

Good omens fic rec

A Letter from “Crawly” to Azirapil by mostlydeadlanguages | 500 Words | G

This remarkable letter of unknown provenance surfaced recently in the cuneiform collection of the University of West Wessex. Addressed to Azirapil from a Mr. “Crawly,” it appears to be begging for the other’s return to Ur from a western journey with another individual, Abiraham. The relationship between the two (brothers? business partners? friends?) is unknown.

404 Email Not Found by Dacelin | 700 words | G

The first the Metatron knew about Armageddon was when Aziraphale contacted him to beg for it to be called off. Being a professional, the Metatron murmured soothing things about it all being part of the plan and rerouted the call elsewhere instead of admitting he had no idea what the principality was talking about.

my black eye casts no shadow by gyzym | 1.5k | Not Rated, probably M 

If you cut humanity to the quick, split it open, found its soul, it would have dark red hair and bright wild eyes.

So You Need To Get Into A.Z. Fell & Co.; Now What? (A Guide For Unfortunate Bookworms) by arkhamcycle | 1.8k | G

London’s antique enthusiasts and rare lit nerds alike know that if you’re looking for a specific vintage or antique book, you have a good chance of ending up in A.Z. Fell & Co. as a last resort. And if you’ve ever been in (or are currently in) this predicament, you know how much of an absolute nightmare it is trying to even get in the door. Luckily, this handy guide, the fruit of a months-long collaborative effort to create the perfect formula for gaming the A.Z. Fell system, will tell you everything you need to know, complete with a comprehensive breakdown of what, exactly, the opening hours are. Compiled by pageknight and inky of the Rare Antique Forums.

Quiet Light by drawlight | 2k | T |

There are rules. The trouble with hearts is that they play by none of them.

between the shadow and the soul by absopositivelutely | 2k | NR

(alternatively: it takes 6000 years for crowley to realize that aziraphale could love him too.)

i just happen to like apples (i am not afraid of snakes) by gyzym | 2k | Not Rated

Written for the following prompt: "Someone write me Crowley the bitter lesbian who only gave Eve the apple because she thought feminism should be there from day one." As such, please be warned that this story contains some fairly radical reinterpretations of Biblical stories and themes; if that sort of thing is not for you, please give this tale a pass.

Secret Agent Man by Emamel | 2.3k | G | 

Edward was very good at two things: noticing things, and not being noticed in return. It was the sort of qualities that made you a good spy. These two never got the memo.

Ten Fathoms Deep On the Road to Hell by BuggreAlleThis | 2.5k | G

Aziraphale is given an assignment as a Captain in the Royal Navy and finds life at sea miserable. Crowley, on the other hand, is having plenty of fun as the Captain of a motley pirate crew.

Untitled Goose Fic by rattatatosk | 3k | T

It's a lovely week in the South Downs, and Crowley is at war with a Horrible Goose.

Anthony J. Crowley, Retired Demon and Airbnb Superhost by TheOldAquarian | 3k | G 

What are you supposed to do when you've been fired from your sweet job in Hell for thwarting the schemes of Satan, you've got a swanky flat in Mayfair, and you're looking for an excuse to spend all your time in someone else's bookshop? Obviously, you turn to the dubious world of short-term vacation rentals. The resulting Airbnb property has been variously described as "an instagram trap," "a vampire den but make it botanical," and "the weirdest bed and breakfast in the shared history of beds and breakfasting."

Salinity (And Other Measurements of Brackish Water) by drawlight | 3k | T | 

It's an odd thing, getting on after the End of the World. Crowley takes to sea-watching.

Stopgap by RC_McLachlan | 3k | T | 

"Can you imagine ruining something so frustratingly perfect just to get a leg up with Management?" Crowley then remembers who he's talking to and why he's here in the first place. "Sorry, bad example, of course you can." A missing scene from Episode 6.

Wednesdays Are for This by magpiespirit | 3k | T

"D'you think we should have sex," he asks idly, pressing post on his addition to the exclusive How to Summon and Bind Demons forum. This one, he's sure, will both give Hell several annoying headaches and make a dent in the problem of demonology rising in the incel community. Bless, he loves having free time. "I think," Aziraphale replies frankly, giving Crowley a really, now look over the rims of his stupid glasses and the top of a first edition of something that probably uses a hundred words to say what could be said in five, "that should is a word best left to Heaven and Hell." And Crowley, who was only looking to fluster the angel a little, belatedly remembers that he's gotten commendations for Aziraphale's temptations.

build me a city, call it jerusalem by gyzym | 3.5k | T | 

Man begets man begets The Tales of Men, and there's nothing godly in that; Those Above and Them Below haven't any need for the stories humans have been hungry for since the snake and the Angel with the flaming sword.

The Plantom Menace by theinkwell33 | 3.6k | G 

There is an urban legend well known in this area regarding The Plant Man. Footage exists, blurry and ill-lit, of the trespassing fiend, but it never provides a good look at his face. He exists only as a rumor; a giggled whisper in someone’s ear at the pub, an inside joke at uni, and a viral sensation. None of these things mean he is not real. That being said, the only person who can corroborate the truth about the Plant Man is the man himself. And unfortunately, Anthony J. Crowley has no idea that it’s him.

get religion quick (cause you're looking divine) by brinnanza | 4k | G |

So it was fine. Even if Crowley couldn’t love him, he clearly liked him well enough, and that was almost the same thing. It no doubt would have continued to be fine, or at least fine-adjacent, were it not for a narrowly averted apocalypse and several bottles of a really quite nice Riesling Aziraphale had found in the back room of his newly restored bookshop.

to carthage then i came by Lvslie | 4k | T | 

‘You’re difficult to follow sometimes.’ ‘Difficult?’ Crowley echoes, feeling hollow. ‘Am I too fast? Am I going—’ And just like that, there’s something new in the silence between them, a tightening. The glass almost slips from his grasp, sliding from between languid fingers. His vision clouds. —too fast for you?’

Snakes and Stones (Never Broke My Bones) by DeerstalkerDeathFrisbee | 4.5k | G

No one wants to say it, but the residents of Dorm A, floor 3, are collectively convinced Aziraphale Fell’s boyfriend does not exist. This is their story.

as the poets say by nikkiRA | 4.6k | T

Crowley takes a long drink of his wine and then says, before he can chicken out, “Aziraphale, I have always been sure about you.”

Re-Recalled by Jennistar | 5k | T |

Halfway through an argument, Aziraphale gets accidentally discorporated and doesn't come back. Crowley does the sensible thing and panics.

the bookshop nemesis witch by FlipSpring | 5k | G

The life and times of Nicole Percival Castings, Witch. Featuring: her ongoing love/rivalry with a particular magical bookstore, an Eccentric(TM) shopkeeper who keeps a huge snake in aforementioned bookstore, finding oneself and one's magical power, the cyclicality of life.

your smile speaks books to me by laiqualaurelote | 5k | T 

Aziraphale's bookshop becomes accidentally famous on Instagram, to his great distress. Since Crowley invented Instagram, it's also his problem.

it's a new craze by attheborder | 5.5k | G | 

CROWLEY: I try not to make a habit of gratitude, but I must give our appreciation to everyone out there who’s been listening and subscribing to The Ineffable Plan. AZIRAPHALE: Ooh, yes, we’ve become quite popular, haven’t we?CROWLEY: Yeah, just hit number eight on the advice charts … No advertising at all.  AZIRAPHALE: Mm. How … miraculous. CROWLEY: … Aziraphale. You did not.

your apple-eating heathen by katarzi | G | 5.7k

History is written without them, and Crowley’s no lady.

the blues have run the game by indigostohelit | 6k | NC-17 (more of an M)

Halfway between the Beginning and the Apocalypse, Crowley visits the court of King Saul, and runs into a prince, a war camp, and a songbook. 

the earth has never felt this old by brawlite | 6k | T

Crowley has a long history with holy places.

TwoFish by Grindylowe | 6k | T | 

A love story about angels and demons. Also, fish

A Nice and Accurate Lesbian Herstory Archive by badwig | T | 6.6k

More or less just the opening montage from 'Hard Times' but they're lesbians - a series of vignettes from the Garden to now.

parable of shepherds by Lvslie | 6k | T |

‘Aziraphale, you need to stop telling that goddamned story to everyone we stumble upon,’ she hisses. ‘I’m serious. You keep it up much longer, everyone’s gonna think we’ve gone and murdered that alleged husband of mine. ‘Crowley,’ Aziraphale says blithely, a serene smile plastered to her face as a familiar-looking man passes by, ‘Dear. That’s what I want them to think.’

Nothing Like The Sun by mirawonderfulstar | 6k | T |

One tended to go through a number bodies in six thousand years, even if one was as cautious or sturdy as Aziraphale. Crowley, who was neither cautious nor sturdy, had gone through a large number. He’d changed appearance so many times that in Aziraphale’s memory he was often just his eyes, for no matter if Crowley was tall or short, lithe or stocky, blond or raven-haired, his eyes stayed the same. 

Blessed/Cursed Retirement by DictionaryWrites | 7k | T

Liam Buttersby, a very normal, nine-year-old boy, makes a friend in the retiree who has recently moved to his village in the South Downs. The retiree in question claims to hate it, and is a liar.

the technology is neutral by Deputychairman | 7k | NC-17 | 

“Stand up?” he echoed, incredulous but too undone by sensation to express the full force of his disbelief. “I can barely even remember my own name after that, and you want me to stand up?” “Your name is Anthony J Crowley, apparently, although you never did tell me what the J stood for so I can’t help you there,” he said, not hiding his smile. “Do stand up, I promise you’ll like it.”

Part of the Plan by HardlyFair | 7k | T |

In which things do not return to the exact way they were Before.

Where Thou Art by Mottlemoth | 7.5k | M | 

A late-night bus to London, a few human comforts, and a long overdue confession... nothing will ever be the same for an angel and his demon.

The Ark by rfsmiley | 7k | T 

We’ve all been assuming that it takes them 6,000 years to figure it out, but what if it takes 6,300?

Or: the ineffable husbands evacuate a dying Earth.

Ad Astra by drawlight | 8K | NC-17

Some things can only be said in the dark.

except you enthrall me, never shall be free by curtaincall | 8k | T

It's a classic story: Angel meets knight. Angel volunteers to get beheaded by knight. Knight turns out to be angel's demon frenemy. Somehow, there is kissing. Based on the Middle English ballad Sir Gawain and the Green Knight.

Falling Rain by Aria | 8k | T |

Once upon a time, an angel and a demon hitched a ride on the Ark.

such surpassing brightness by Handful_of_Silence | 8k | G | 

The revelation that Aziraphale might have been in love with him for thousands of years is surprising. The fact that literal books have been written on the subject comes as even more of a shock.

Without Creativity by htebazytook | 8k | NC-17 |

Another Crowley and Aziraphale through the ages fic, with some heavy symbolism thrown in for good measure.

Exit Wounds by racketghost | 8k | T

“At least they were together for a time,” Crowley says, staring at the lit end of his cigarette, “maybe that’s enough.”

On The Matter Of Touch by Somedrunkpirate | 9k | T

“On the matter of touch,” Crowley begins, waving his teaspoon in what he hopes passes for idle curiosity. “Thoughts?”

and, so on by PaintedVanilla | 9k | M | 

Crowley doesn’t remember heaven, but Aziraphale remembers him.

Going Home by Daegaer | 9k | G | 

Aziraphale is recalled to Heaven, Crowley isn't impressed.

The future's going to break through by nieded | 10k | T

My take on South Downs: Aziraphale and Crowley decide to become professors. This is inspired by the headcanon that Crowley has 20 different degrees. He is the Serpent of the Tree of Knowledge after all.

Wings and How to Hide Them by triedunture | M | 10k 

Crowley's been annoyingly in love for six thousand years. What's another lifetime between friends? Or: Aziraphale definitely fucks and isn't that just perfect?

The Gospel of Crowley by gutterandthestars | 10k | T

Crowley tempts Jesus in the wilderness! Turns out Jesus gives as good as he gets. Also Crowley pines over Aziraphale and has Big Gay Angsty Feelings because, well. Because Crowley.

A Nanny? In MY Summoning Circle? by pukner | 10k | Not Rated

(it's more likely than you think) Warlock "Lockie" Dowling summons a demon. Or, he buys a book off a suspiciously familiar bookseller and is convinced into demon summoning. It goes about as well as you'd expect.

damn.nation, now available on itunes by antistar_e (kaikamahine) | 10k | T

When lowly tempt-pusher Amphora (formerly of Stairwell 7B North, before she Fell,) gets the notice that end times are nigh, she gleefully quits her job and cancels her Netflix subscription and takes her place among the legions of hell. This, it turns out, was a bad plan.

Lie Back And Think Of Dinner by jessthereckless | 11k | M |

"Crowley, this is a disaster. This is everything I ever wanted. We’re in love. And there’s a picnic. And we don’t seem to be able to get…amorous without causing earthquakes.” Aziraphale attempts subterfuge. Crowley sees right through him.

Something to do with these sacred words by Solshine | 11k | T

Crowley confesses early, and Crowley confesses often. Aziraphale never knows quite what to say.

A Resurrection of Whales, and Other Omens of Varying Goodness by Margo_Kim | 11k | WIP | T

After the end of the world doesn't end anything, Heaven and Hell send replacements to Earth while the old representatives try to figure out their new normal.

Serpentine by sergeant_smudge | 11k | G |

Five ways in which Crowley is a snake. *And one more thing.

what's to come by PepperPrints, restlesslikeme | 11k | T 

Post-Apocalyptic AU. Even without the Antichrist, both Heaven and Hell insist on Armageddon. Aziraphale is missing and Crowley sets out to find him, driving through a scorched Earth with a witch in his passenger seat.

Basking by bomberqueen17 | 15k | NC-17

Crowley is extremely confused about how or whether celestial beings can experience physical sexual desire. He's also not fantastic at using his words. Things go all... snake-shaped.

Nanny Knows Best by DictionaryWrites | 17k | M

Being a nanny, that should be simple. Simple. Easy as pie. Crowley wished that were true.

One Night In Bangor (And the World's Your Oyster) by Atalan | 17k | NC-17

"All right, I know I'm going to regret asking this," Aziraphale says. "What exactly does this wager entail?” Crowley grins like the cat that not only got the cream but has absconded with the entire cow. He grabs the bottle and swigs straight from it despite Aziraphale's tut of disapproval. "The pot goes to whichever demon can get an angel into bed by the end of the evening."

Soft (A Love Story in Three Bites) by mia_ugly | 18.3k | NC-17

Crowley was an angel, once. Before she fell. Aziraphale was a warrior (she fell too. It just took a little longer.)

The Persephone Clause by Zetared | 20k | T |

When Crowley is forcibly recalled to home office, Aziraphale conspires with a denounced saint and strikes a deal with the agents of Hell to get him back.

in search of the wind by drawlight | 27k | NC-17

After the World Doesn't End, Aziraphale is not returned to his body. Crowley tries to find a way to get to Heaven's fast-shut gates. Aziraphale tries to find his way back from the sky (and back in time).

And So We Come Full Circle by Hekateras | 30k | T | 

"Angel. You know it's gonna be really bad, this time around," Crowley says slowly. "When the times comes, I want you to-"

Mirror, Mirror by ImprobableDreams900 | 44k | T

Adam, Eve, and Crawly flee Eden through the Western Gate, and it turns out that that simple decision makes all the difference in the world...

Slow Show by mia_ugly | 90k | NC-17

In which temptations are accomplished, grand romantic gestures are made, and two ineffable co-stars only take four seasons of an award-winning television program to realize they’re on their own side (at last, at last.)

Demonology and the Tri-Phasic Model of Trauma: An Integrative Approach by Nnm | 100k | T

What Aubrey Thyme, a professional, thought, upon first seeing her new client was: you’re going to be a fun one, aren’t you?

Eden!verse by ImprobableDreams900 | 550k | T-M

When Crowley gets captured by angels and dragged up to Heaven, Aziraphale knows he has to rescue him—no matter the consequences.