#if u dont have an account u can only see so many posts from someone and i think

[sanchoyo]

hate hate hate how you have to make a twitter account to see ppls tweets now. like I deleted mine for a reason (rancid bad vibes + more ads and bots than posts) but some artists I like are ONLY on twt and :( man... I get how annoying having 23434 social medias to post stuff on is. im not really annoyed at the artists who do that (just having 1 place for their art) but im annoyed at the websites that do this -_- let me innn

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

Hey so idk if you would know this but where did the term canyon in reference to Izzy fans come from? I feel like I just started seeing it like three days ago but everyone seems to already know what it means

lol so disclaimer that this ask has been in my inbox since september 23rd and alsoooo i might not be the best person to ask bc i am belothed by many who consider themselves part of the izzy canyon (which is their right). so if you asked an izzy fan about this you would probably get a different answer. also from what i can tell the term originated on twitter and i don’t go there.

the tl;dr that i heard secondhand from someone who identifies as izzy canyon is that at some point last year (summer or fall-ish i think) a lot of izzy fans were blocking so many people who didn’t like izzy that a lot of them ended up being unaware of general fandom trends and it became a running joke among them that izzy fans were isolated from the rest of the fandom in an "izzy canyon." and then allegedly the term expanded to just mean "if ur not a dick abt ppl liking izzy u can be in the canyon." THAT BEING SAID there are other ppl who had a very different experience with how "the canyon" originated and what kind of fan space it tends to be.

(slightly longer explanation below)

the thing with The Canyon is that to understand its origin and also why some fans have a problem with it, you gotta know two things:

there are annoying puriteen anti types on the internet who think liking certain characters make you a bad person. from what i can tell theyre mostly on twitter and tiktok. these people are annoying but also in my experience they're usually pretty easy to block and ignore.

the popularity of izzy hands is disproportionate to his narrative role in the show, and the popular fanon interpretation of izzy hands casts him not only as a principal character but as a much more sympathetic, righteous character than he is in canon. THIS DOES NOT MEAN I THINK ANYONE IS A BAD PERSON FOR LIKING IZZY. this DOES mean that i think ppl who think ed is izzy's domestic abuser are wrong. and also this is part of an age old fandom trend of fandom favoring a masc white guy who is often a side character and also often an antagonist.

so from what i can tell. in the early days of the ofmd fandom (spring-summer 2022) there was a lot of #1 going around on twitter, screaming about how if you liked izzy hands then you're a racist abuse apologist or something. at one point a throwaway account tweeted a callout for a popular izzy fan and said "we know they live in this area and work for this company, so these are the locations where they might work. everyone should call these numbers and tell their job to fire them. also we're gonna target these izzy fans next" and like, obviously this account was pretty quickly taken down. but it was a pretty scary thing and left a lot of izzy fans pretty paranoid, hence the blocking everyone who didnt like izzy.

(there was also a "izzy hater group chat" twitter account that was literally just a small group of mostly minors posting memes and also abt izzy that got accused of being connected to that whole mess. but afaict those guys have nothing to do with harassment of izzy fans they just dont like izzy)

so the thing is now that all of that has been used to justify shutting down any type of conversation about #2, or writing off anyone who posts meta about izzy that isnt like, "he works so hard and is so unappreciated despite everything he's done for ed" as an "izzy anti." analyzing izzy critically and posting this in the #izzy hands tag on tumblr is likened to genuine harassment.

oh lol and speaking of harrasment: there was also a problem with ppl on tumblr getting anon hate, and izzy fans will tell you that the anon came from an izzy hater who was targeting izzy fans bc the anon messages use "izzy critical rhetoric." however as someone who has posted "izzy critical" metas or whatever, i have actually gotten the same harassing messages accusing me of being an izzy stan and a racist abuse apologist. that's not what a targeted harassment campaign looks like. that's all been less of a problem ever since tumblr made it so you need to be logged in to an account to send anonymous messages.

anyway my stance on all of this:

i don't hate anyone for liking izzy. i am critical of certain comments/behaviors i often see from ppl who identify as izzy fans, but izzy fans are rarely the only ones who have this problem. from what i've seen tho, a lot of it comes from izzy fans.

before i ever saw even a hint of harassment against izzy fans, i saw izzy fans coming onto my posts and to posts by fans of color trying to argue that these posts were contributing to their harassment. from my perspective, it looked a lot like fans of a white character were trying to shut down conversations abt their favorite guy, especially when those conversations were being had by fans of color. i was very skeptical and oftentimes pretty dismissive abt the existence of this harassment.

since then tho ive done a pretty deep dive into the anon harassment on tumblr, and also looked at takes from different perspectives on the whole thing, and my conclusion is that there is harassment of izzy fans, however it is on the same base-level shittiness that most people experience from just... being on the internet. death threats and insults and slurs are literally just part of being on the internet. and yes, it SUCKS and it's wrong and nobody should have to put up with it, but izzy fans are not victims of specific targeted harassment. theyre victims of being on the internet and having to put up with general internet shittiness. and im sympathetic to that up until ppl start using "ive been harassed for being an izzy fan" as an excuse to be incredibly nasty (check out this tumblr acct for examples of what i mean lol). the ofmd fandom is annoying and parts of it are toxic but like, by no means is this the most toxic fandom to ever exist. we're not at "undertale fan giving out cookies with needles in them at a convention" levels just yet.

finally, tangentially related: i am inherently wary of fandom sub-groups that like, name themselves?? in my experience, the more people make being a Type Of Fan part of their identity the more it tends to lead to problems. this goes for fans who label themselves "antis" or "anti-antis" or whatever the fuck. i've personally been called an "izzy anti," an "izzy hater," and an "izzy critical fan" but like, i dont really call myself that?? it just seems weird to me idk. it gets to be very "us vs them" on default with little nuance and ive never found this kind of thing to be like, productive in fandom spaces. but that's just me.

[empirewithoutend]

Hi so how u became so popular here on tumblr, because i see everytime people reblogin your selfies, why is everybody as tô you take selfies i realy wanna undestand

Ps: dont take its pessonal its just a random doubt

honestly baffled by this so has taken me a few days to compose my response

Firstly, I am not 'popular' on Tumblr. Sure, I might have nearly 2,000 followers but the majority of them are probably spam bots and inactive accounts. I only regularly chat to about 3 people. So I really don't consider myself popular and I'm not in any position to give you advice on how to become popular on here.

Secondly, people presumably reblog my selfies because they think I'm attractive. Most of them don't care about me as a person, they aren't my friend, they probably just want to have sex with me. And that's fine. So all I can really say is post a selfie of yourself, if someone thinks you're attractive they might reblog you and from there it snowballs.

Third, try not to attach too much importance to online popularity or how many people think you're attractive. It's soul destroying and kills you from within. I know because I've been there.

[sixosix]

IM HERE. IVE ARRIVED. I HAVE THOUGHTS. when i said i might not come back here cuz i was busy? yeah, FUCK THAT. only divine intervention can keep me away from ur account. THE NEW THAWED PART?? WHAT THE FUCK. i wake up this morning expecting a chapter like, late afternoon but i forgot TIMEZONES EXIST . so u can imagine my absolute shock when i check my notifications bar and hit tumblr writer user sixosix posted new thawed part?? dude. the scream i scrumpt when lyney recognized the reader OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDD. i knew it was over when the flower landed by her feet but him saying her name had me DSINFIDSJFJDS?!?!!??! DURING THE SHOW TOO. HE DIDNT WAIT UNTIL IT WAS OVERIJ DSJUFUDJSFIJDSAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!! even rereading that part now as i write has me going crazy like i cant even put my excitement into words its SO?!?!?w??VFDXJDVNDSFNC god. okay. the scene where he grabs THE READER BY THE WAIST. 'CAUGHT YOU' ????? YEAH AND I CAUGHT FEELINGS YOURE NOT SPECIAL LYNEY?? THE GRIP ON THE WAIST. AUUUUUUUGH. ARUEGJHHH. ARHGHHRJGFDKD... IM ON MY DEATH BED!! TAKE ME TO THE BEACH SO I MAY GAZE UPON THE SEA ONCE MORE!!!! the mr lyney. miss lynette. falls to my knees. dies. dies. dies. BUT GOD THE FACT THEY THOUGHT SHE WAS DEAD TOO? no wonder lyney chased after her !!!! if my girlfriend (one-sided (?)) turned up alive out of no where i would do the same fr. a real man would drop to one knee and propose right there (grow some balls lyney) LYNETTE!!!!! SO CUTE!!!!!!!!! IM GONNA BITE HER SOKFDOSAKDASIJD THE SLOW APPROACH LIKE A TIMID CAT AND THEN THE SMIEL AUHGHDJFSKJFD?!w?FDDJNFODSJKFND!!!!! i cant imagine how she felt finding her bff again im so AUUURHGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! i know she knocked some sense into lyney afterwards LMAOO also reader pretending to be working under tart... ohh i know thats gonna backfire on her later in the story. ALSO CHILDE MENTION YIPPEE YIPPEE YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! do i have my doubts about lyney and lynette believing readers lie? absolutely. you dont grow up with someone and not know when theyre lying.. especially lyney. have u ever watched barbie in the dreamhouse?? theres this episode where ken tries to get a job but he doesnt bc each time barbie has an emergency, so he just becomes a (barbie)house-husband.. thats the vibe im getting from lyney and reader the 'i'm happy to see you' from lyney, and reader (kinda?) dismissing it with the 'goodbye miss lynette and mr lyney' ????? AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH ??????? sending u the number and email to my therapist rn ure paying for my next session. also i love aether, paimons and readers friendship, especially their little banter at the end. ALSO. SIGH. reader calling rosalie maman. when i tell u i screamed i MEAN IT. THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO ME. I LOVE THEM SO BAD IM GONNA SOB!!!! ............im gonna say, im a bit paranoid though.. youre not gonna hurt rosalie right. righ.t Right. blinking at u. blinking at u. blink blink blink . BLINK. BLIIINK !!!!!!!!!! ok sorry for clogging up ur asks with this . i have no idea how to end this its so long LMAOO. there are so many other parts i loved (brief melusine scene, audience reactions, etc) but i just didnt know how to convey my feelings into words ifgjdifjdji. i love thawed and ur writing SOSOSOSO much and im so excited for future updates!!!!!!!!!!! THATS ALL I GOT TO SAY!!!!!!! ramble mode OFF!!!!!!!! BYEBYE AND TAKE CARE MUAAAAAAAAAH

HIII LIS!!!!! ohh seeing your asks rlly brighten my day. LMFAOOO your comment actually had me laughing out loud “I JUZT WOKR UP WHAT RHE DICK” HAHSA

YES. DURING THE SHOW!!! i want to emphasize that lyney did not care about the audience or the weeks of practice for this very moment if he sees the reader !!!! HELPPP nooooo dont lie on your death bed yet we still have a few more chapters to go through 💔💔

ONE SIDED GF 😭😭😭 IJBOL he definitely wouldve proposed if it wasnt for aether im telling u. YESSS LYNETTE APPRECIATION i love her so much i try to add her as much as i can bc her interactions w lyney are so fun. Theyre literally siblings 😭❤️❤️

CHILDE MENTION !! this is definitely gonna bite her in the ass later but hey thats for another chapter

YES I E WATCHED BARBIE DREAMHOUSE IMQHAHSHEH thats so funny that you said that im saving that as a screwnshot LMFAOOO

Yes i want to up the angst and pain. reader my self destructive thawed!reader … ❤️ but i also need the therapy please do send my number

Rosalie. rosalie, rosalie, rosalie. our maman. reader’s maman especially. Anyway.

AWW its okay!!! dont ever worry about your asks being too long !! i meant it when i said i love reading through them. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT ❤️❤️❤️❤️ TAKE CARE TOO LIS MWA MWA

[voidsquidd]

I loved your post abt sh/ed stuff on the internet and im really glad someone is talking abt it to such extent but I wanted to ask your opinion on something. For me at least it is comforting to find people who struggle w the same stuff and have thoughts like mine I feel less alone in this world. Its hard to find ppl like that irl not only bcs ppl aren’t always open about their issues but also bcs you have to be extremely vulnerable with others to open up, talk abt it and perhaps you’ll find someone that understands you. If two friends are the same they comfort each other often feeling that they are the only ones in the world that understand each other but they also encourage each others behaviour bcs thats their life, they live off of that, they cant escape their pain. And if one of them gets clean the other will be torn for obvious reasons. I understand that young ppl are more prone to harm but they wouldn’t feel the need to sh or try to cut deeper if it wasn’t for the already existing pain. And sh or ed isn’t something that only exists online, yes it’s more glorified but they might learn it irl and due to the lack of info they might use more dangerous methods. On the internet they can learn abt aftercare, going to the er, infections, mental health institutions since irl very little ppl talk abt that, the dangers dangers of starving so they might just eat less, workout more, take their vitamins instead of going for highly destructive behaviours only bcs in their mind ‘if I dont eat I’ll be skinny’. People will always seek comfort everywhere they go and if they lack love and attention irl off they will think their groomer loves them and ‘they are mature for their age’. These are only the results of many issues and the primary thing in a persons life is the real world. Their family, friends, teachers. If all or most or even some of those people fail them they might think they have nowhere else to go so they live in the fake world that provides more comfort than the real one. If they are unable to find happiness anywhere they highly depend on the dopamine hormones that might be released through harmful stuff they see. People online who struggle w different stuff aren’t mental health professionals and cannot help themselves nor those around them. They can try but there is no guarantee that their efforts won’t go to waste or even be more harmful. They, like many people could see sui as their only way out of the pain. For some reaching out for help is not an option or they do not see it as an option. The ‘promotion’ of harmful activities are the only way for some people to validate their suffering and pain that they feel. They NEED to find comfort in something, find ppl that understand them and they unite through the mutual pain and their mutual issues. Im sorry that its so long and please correct me if any of the stuff I said is not true or harmful.

U do have valid points, which is why young kids go on it anyway. But I still believe it does more harm than good as I've seen that many times. There are places and ppl online that offer support in recovery and aftercare, who do not run shed accounts and don't glorify it, I'd recommend looking for accounts like that. Id also recommend doing research on mental health if u struggle with it as a better understanding will help u feel less alone, as well as give u better knowledge of ur behaviours and the reason behind those patterns. U can look up how to take care of a wound and find explanations for ur issues it that don't come from accounts that post their own sh and things like that. Ofc u can google how to make it worse too but you'd probably get a warning and sui hotline before any actual tips, and it's better becuz u have to look up seperate things, so if ur looking for recovery tips u won't see the opposite accidentally. Same goes for eds

As for it being from their real life and their issues, someone's real life won't have sm shed content, like u said its not common for ppl to just go and talk openly irl about it so it helps u stay away from loads of content. Like I said the internet can make u consume sm about it that it literally becomes all u think about, and hopefully irl you'd have things to distract u, even if not friends, u can try to find hobbies like reading and drawing to distract urself, or just avoiding pro shed stuff and spending ur time watching shows. I understand some ppl may have extremely abusive parents so doing anything is gonna be hard, but u don't have to go on places that spread and normalise it, there's ppl who denormlize it and talk about how they survived their abuse on places like TikTok and yt. They talk about these things and make u feel less alone but they won't promote it, show pictures, give out tips on how to get worse, they give out tips on recovery and getting thru it. One person that comes to mind is of herbs and alters on yt, she posts about her ana recovery and how it started, all the ppl she's literally had to see die becuz her friends we're also disordered.

And u mention that it's nice to have friends who can relate, but it's also good to have friends who can't but can still show sympathy for u. If two ppl struggle with sh or Ed's, they're gonna trigger each other, they're gonna relapse while they're both tryna get better and they're gonna have a very unstable relationship, where they have to keep on eye on each other and they eventually feel like they cant vent or open up becuz they'd be putting a burden on someone who is also in a bad headspace at the time. It's not healthy to have ur only support be ppl who also needs support, ur gonna end up dragging each other down. It's nice to have ppl like that but u need ppl who don't struggle as much who are willing to help, they won't get triggered or be too unstable to support u. For example if two ppl are struggling with sh and one of the relapses the other may relapse, or if one needs to vent but the other one is also doing really bad they're either gonna vent and make their friend worse or they're gonna bottle it up and make themselves worse. But if they have a stable friend who doesn't struggle, u can vent and ask for help without risking triggering that person or making them worse becuz that person doesn't have issues, at least not as many.

Basically ur support system needs to be strong enough to give u support, and if they're offering that support then going on places that will encourage u to do worse is unfair to them too, becuz they're putting in effort to help u and ur going to be triggering urself by going on sh edtwt/tblr which will give them more work to help u. And that's not even their responsibility, when u ask to vent, ur asking someone to step up and help u, they have no need to say yes, it's their choice whether they do or not and if u don't put in effort, they shouldn't put in effort to help u. Ur putting pressure on them, and ofc if they're in a stable place and want to help they should, but if u keep looking at sh or thinspo, and getting triggering and going to them, ur gonna tire them out and hurt them. They'll feel like their effort is wasted and either blame them selves or refuse to help becuz they see ur not avoiding triggers and are just making it worse. If u wanna get better then get off those apps and talk to ur friends who have given u consent to vent, avoid triggers and ask for help when u feel u need it.

I promise it's not hard to meet non shed friends online, so u can meet ppl who have good enough mental health to also help u becuz they don't have to worry sm about their own

And home life is tough, there's no way to just get out of an abusive situation, or make bullies leave u alone, or get irl friends if ppl don't like u, but there's ppl who can relate to that who won't tell u it's fine to hurt urself, I have met most my trusted friends online and they support me and each other, there's so many different types of ppl and some of them will have similar interests, u will find someone who won't judge u, u will find loads of ppl

I hope that makes sense

My dms are always open and I'm always ok answering questions ^^

[dovveri]

I don’t understand MDNI (minors, not men) cuz like… you can’t stop someone from seeing your posts, u know? like it’s a free and open app without private accounts, people will see what you post and surely u are looking at every account that likes ur stuff.

I guess to me it’s only weird if you the adult make it weird- like if you genuinely think having a two second conversation with an a minor about a story is weird then… idk I think it says a lot about u as a person.

What do you think? What would you do if one of ur mutuals was a minor (like, idk 17/16 definitely not -15)? Ur my favorite writer on here and im always curious to read ur opinions!

the way u had to clarify minors not men bcs i misunderstood last time and went on one of my man-hating rampages HAHAHAHAH

but yeah i mean to me personally, like i read nasty fics when i was a minor and ik many people have asw like ao3 is a free site

if one of my moots was a minor id try not to interact w them as much but idk like as an aussie i dont think pedophilia is as big of an issue here as it is in america bcs i think when i interact w ppl online its mostly americans that are v wary of interacting w minors - saw sth that was like on american beaches we cant have our kids run around naked which was so crazy to me bcs i was like huh why? there are so many naked kids everywhere in aus at public pools, waterparks, beaches etc. until i realised its bcs adults are perving on the kiddies and i was so disgusted bcs pedophilia is just not sth i think abt on the day to day whereas it seems in the states it is a major concern

but again - i dont think its the adult as a person, i think its the stigma thats been built around pedophilia and people are just cautious not to do anything thatd overstep, and that includes providing pornagraphic material to minors (smut writing) or just accidentally saying sth that could land them in a lot of trouble OR not even sex related ik a few of my friends have been groomed and that trauma lasts into adulthood but unconscious grooming in the form of just telling an impressionable minor to do this or that or shaping them to become someone u like or someone u wanna be around is also dangerous

theres just too many factors and yes i understand that i cant rly stop minors from interacting w my blog but i put minors dni there anyway in hopes that peopke will respect it as my decision as an author and a creator - im not gonna police it but in the case an issue arises i can say i had this in my bio and im not responsible for any actions the minor may have taken of their own account despite my warning

[e77y]

relating to that vent, i getchu so bad. i feel like in general, the internet might worsen compulsions & obsession within ocd + etc. i have a similar feeling (wouldnt say identical cause i know u from tumblr n yaknow yaknow) that tells me everything i do needs to be 100% morally correct or [insert awful things] will happen to me or someone i love. and this is easier to deal with when you're offline, because there's a limit on the people that can get mad at you. half of the world won't get mad at you because only 0.00001% (or whatever) of the world knows you, yaknow. on the net, it feels like everyone who has an account knows you. your brain telly you anyone who has an account on here might see what you posted & they might be mad at you & they might make a callout post or whatever. even though they don't know you. which is a terrifying thought for many. i dont think youre alone in this, genuinely. and i feel it can be improved. some stuff that's helped me: - making separate accounts w private stuff (doesnt rly work on tumblr but like a private account on insta & etc etc) - rationalising thoughts (an example of this would be thinking: is it really likely many people will agree with someone being mad at me? or: how many people actually do see my posts? is that proportional to the amount of followers i have) - and talking ab it w friends. genuinely, the communication + processing of these thoughts & feelings is soo helpful. sending u soo much love <3 if u wanna chat a bit ab it you can dm me :) (ask can be published or responded 2 privately, whatever u prefer!)

Thank you so much for this message omg :’) ❤️❤️❤️❤️ So thoughtful. This made me tear up a little haha. I’m posting it here so I can look back at it later; hopefully that’s okay.

I’m really glad to hear other people feel the same way/have the same worry… like logically I know that it’s something a lot of people worry about, but idk; my brain has a way of convincing me I am the only person in the world who has done anything ‘bad’ ever LMAOO. So this was really nice to hear

Also I’m a very talkative person! Like I’m definitely an introvert, but I do like to talk about myself and my interests and my feelings etc. Especially when I have a forum (cough Tumblr) to post into the void 😭😭 So I guess that’s part of my issue; IRL, there are less people to be upset if I do/say something ‘bad’, and most of them are my close friends and know I don’t have bad intentions. But online, I walk on eggshells bc 1) strangers online DON’T know my intentions and 2) I just think my mutuals are really cool lol. So I don’t want to do/say anything ‘bad’ or even embarrassing in their presence yk? And online, their ‘presence’ comprises literally all the time w everything I post

I should probably make a more private account 😅 This one is kind of that (just bc it has far fewer followers than my other blog), and I have one on Instagram with like two people following it that I haven’t touched in a while, sooo maybe I will go back to that for more personal vents and whatnot 🫡 I try not to post anything TOO personal on Tumblr, anyway. I just also really like creating fan content, which sort of inherently puts me in a public space even if I don’t WANT to have an ‘audience’ (regardless of how small that audience is; ik there are people who look up to my writing, and that puts a lot of extra pressure on me, but I don’t want to stop writing, either…. Agh)

Idk this is probably overly personal and also very disjointed bc I just finished writing a 1,800 word essay and my brain is mush lol. I’m just sort of reiterating everything you said. Sorry for making you read all this lmao 😭🙏 But thank you for the kind words, seriously ❤️ I really really appreciate it :’D !!!!!!!

[natsmagi]

I love ur art!!!! really its so gorgeous and the style brings me sm joy, its so soft and cute!! and ofc fem ntsmg is THE GOAT!!!!!!

BUT I JUST WANNA ALSO SHOW APPRECIATION FOR HOW U ANSWER ASKS AND STUFF AND IDK JUST UR WHOLE PERSONALITY IN GENERAL?? I love reading ur text posts especially when u kinda analyze the characters and stuff like its so fun to read and tbh, both natsume and tsumugi are characters that I feel are often mischaracterized in the fandom, and like idk I feel like u get them so perfectly and its sooo !??!?! Awesome getting to read ur awesome takes when new events come out and stuff like YOURE SO RIGHT ABT EVERYTHING, i be reading ur posts and going "you!!! YOU FUCKING GET IT!!!!!!!!!!" *happy stimming*

if you honestly did like a proper character analysis for them one day just now i would be so here for it and read it over and over again probably. Im currently hyperfixating RLY HARD on ntsmg so sometimes i just go through ur entire text post/ask tag and read everything over and over again 😭😭😭 I JUST LOVE THIS BLOG IN GENERAL KEEP DOING WHAT YOURE DOING, YOURE ABSOLUTELY AWESOME AND VERY MUCH BASED USER NATSMAGI!!!!♥️♥️♥️♥️

OIUGOHGOOHH OH MY GODDDDD ANONNNNNNNN THIS IS SO SWEET I HARDLY EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAYYYYYYY 😭😭😭😭 THANK YOU SO MUCH U HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY THIS MAKES ME 🥺🥺💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

im a very chatty person so im very glad u like hearing what i have to say 🥺!!! and im glad u like my personality too since i feel i can come off as harsh or arrogant sometimes AKJHFSKJH THOUGH TBF I DO TRY MY BEST TO BE KIND......

ID LOOOVE TO ANALYZE NTMG MORE !!! main reason i dont do it as often or hold myself back a bit is because admittedly its been a While since i read alot of the stories, a majority of which i have only read once, and when i make actually Proper analyzes i like to have reread the material and see if i maybe misinterpreted something on my first read or am misremembering, bc when given new info other interactions can be read differently and all that. and i also wanna actually do them justice and not accidentally spread misinfo AJHSFKJH AND I UNFORTUNATELY HAVENT HAD THE TIME NOR ENERGY TO DO THIS </3 but even without remembering every single piece of dialogue verbatim i like to think my grasp on them is still somewhat decent, and im very glad u like my interpretations 🥺❤️

it always makes me so incredibly happy when people view the characters similarly to me aswell bc like u mentioned they Are kinda prone to getting mischaracterized in some ways...... i think it mainly comes from both natsume and tsumugi having MANY factors to their characters though, and the mischaracterization comes from only highlighting one aspect of them and failing to think about how their different attributes overlap (although this can probably be said for the entire cast tbh). like an easy example that im sure everyone gets by now is natsumes little tsundereisms. if you only focus on him being rude to tsumugi it can look like hes just some edgy guy with anger management issues, but when you take into account other factors such as him having a rather spoiled upbringing both by his parents and nii-sans, and his distaste towards feeling "weak" (also caused by his upbringing, since he was frail as a child and raised as a girl) you start to see that oh. alot of that is just him being defensive and emotionally immature. since he had such a comfortable upbringing those hints of discomfort and vulnerability are threatening to him as someone who always had everything handed to him. and when you dont know how to deal with situations like that ASWELL as being afraid of being seen as "weak" youre Gonna start resorting to harsher words and sometimes even get physical because you have no clue how else to handle this. its also why the natsumes character consists of him being pretty obsessed with "growing up" and "not being a kid anymore," because he knows how immature he could be SKHDGJH he doesnt have bad intentions he just. doesnt know how to be vulnerable with people

[sophieinwonderland]

YEAH the new person saying the endo community is a cult is so weird like heh?? im gonna try to paraphrase their comments so you can get the gist of what they say without anyone going to attack them since they are a cult survivor and i can understand why they think that endogenics are a cult, but... it's just projection imo

they see the term sysmed as terrible and say using it is a cult tactic because it compares sysmeds to transmeds (even though if u think about it for 3 seconds it's like hold on, maybe there IS a connection between between two groups of people who think the only way to experience there personhood-related thing is through suffering. who knew!)

they think being pro-endos are brainwashed and programmed to believe a certain "niche" way of thinking, which is really really silly when the "way of thinking" is "hey maybe there are other ways of being more than one person other than trauma"

theres one exerpt of a post comparing plurality to scientology and saying that endogenics think that plurality makes you a better person compared to singlets / that dissociation/identity disturbances/internal voices aren't disordered at all / are not symptoms at all. when that is factually entirely incorrect, they can be symptoms of problems and no system is better than any singlet just by being more than one person

"they actively target the mentally ill and instill fear towards them seeking treatment" as if sysmeds aren't the ones making us feel more fake and less deserving of disordered-system resources

also them repeating the idea that people think alters arent real people but soulbonds/endogenic headmates are real people, which isn't true (many alters are real people and some endogenic headmates may just be parts / not full people)

also them claiming that most endogenics are white, middle class americans with religious/christian trauma??? they used screenshots from SAS to "prove" their point which is really strange- (and also making fun of people "bastardizing other cultures" right after... like maybe, some of the people who are "bastardizing" cultures might just be engaging in their own culture? or be engaging in something so disconnected from the original concept like tulpamancy, that many non-actively-syscourse-engaging buddhists dont care and don't mind lol)

also also them reblogging from sweet-sloths-sys making fun of someone asking for money, which is the literal ONLY "pro-endo" that i've seen act like that. it's embarrassing. like we blocked that "pro endo" the moment we saw them they are just as bad as any sysmed we've seen lol no one whom i know is pro-endo agrees with their bullshit

them saying endogenics have MADD and not plurality??? what the fuck lol

and more but im getting a headache scrolling through their blog lol

and yk maybe i am looking too hard into it but when we've had moments when we were fixated on cults (especially this one youtuber who talks about a certain cult a lot), comparing that to people going "hey maybe my perspective on life isnt the only perspective, science doesnt always account for personal perspective" and supporting endogenic systems is... weird.

yeah, sure there are a LOT of cult-like behaviors in certain endogenic groups, but to call the entire thing a cult is very strange, and honestly downplays the actual cult behaviors in the sub-groups which should be talked about.

but me saying "hey maybe plurality isn't inherently a disordered experience" isn't fucking cult-behavior! at least compare this shit to the BITE model or SOMETHING lol

Thanks for the rundown!

they think being pro-endos are brainwashed and programmed to believe a certain "niche" way of thinking, which is really really silly when the "way of thinking" is "hey maybe there are other ways of being more than one person other than trauma"

Another thing that bothers me about this is that by this logic, any belief that's not mainstream could be considered a cult. That includes a ton of smaller religions. It could even include the MOGAI community, since xenogenders are still pretty niche themselves.

And I too am SO curious where their endogenic demographics come from! It sounds like they just made them up.

them saying endogenics have MADD and not plurality??? what the fuck lol

I've seen this take several times, and it's just total medical misinformation.

If you have daydream characters with a will of their own who takeover your body, those aren't just daydream characters. Switching is not a normal symptom of MADD. (Although MADD is often related to plurality.)

[miwauko]

@/moonjellifish i think you're forgetting to add the part where you took my words out of context and opened up a space where ppl can be openly racist towards me + send INCREDIBLY racist asks and death threats as well. random people on here that i didn't even know existed were saying the nastiest things about me because you kept twisting my words and making it seem like i came at you for no reason. lets also talk ab how you accused me of "stealing" from you (but when i said that ab u im the bad guy and i got shut down?) and accused my friends and i of making fake accs to ruin your blog and friendships? unlike you im in college, i teach a ballet class, and i have a fucking life in general you bum. i have better things to do than harass someone on the internet.

you demonized me as a black woman for MONTHS. not only that, but you said some very ignorant things towards the black community such as calling us "blacks" and said im using my race as a weapon when you literally offended my race many times and even in my own comments. don't ever speak on the black community or any other community ever again. don't ever speak on ME again. all i wanted you to do is stop finding my personals and private accounts that i dont even give out and leave me alone. instead you twisted my narrative when i don't even fucking know you. i did not "steal ur user" its ai yazawa's NAME and i swapped two letters just like i did in previous users of mine. how am i supposed to know an older user was yours? you were just finding any reason possible to come at me aggressively while painting me out to be the aggressive one.

i've found out so many nasty things you've said abt me and how racist you are over these past few months. i don't know why you're even acting like you care now because you don't. if you did you would've changed your behavior months ago but like i said, you came up with a bunch of excuses to save yourself and demonize me for no reason. you're only apologizing cos you got called out (again) for offending the black and asian community. please stop making up lies about me and others because if i find something out i have no issue posting about this on another platform i have and letting people come at you JUST how you had people come at me. maybe then you'll actually develop some common sense and stop being a terrible person.

by the way, your apology isn't sincere because you didn't write it yourself and you've been shit talking me and other ppl for months. you'll most likely see this sooner or later and make a very passive aggressive post yet again to make it seem like im coming at you for no reason. you aren't sorry at all, you truly dont give a fuck.

[seelestia]

I sent my last ask about me moving literally a few hours before you answered it :''D

But uhhh since you probs already know who I am just based on me constantly liking your posts and answers to my asks- might as well do a reveal before I go offline for a while :P

So--the blog that keeps liking your posts and asks is my main blog with the name "sarcasticqueerblob" which is a more personal/multi-fandom account that i have not posted a lot on as of recently

The blog that I do use for interacting with genshin posts (reblogging and posting genshin related posts) is called......(are you ready for this?)

....

It's called medeaheartly.

yes that's the same blog that I recommended you on a previous ask.

yes i did recommend you my own fic (pls im so shameless istg)

BUT PLS DONT TAKE IT THE WRONG WAY- IT WAS ONE OF THE ONLY FICS I COULD THINK OF WHILE WRITING THAT ASK AND I DIDNT REALLY KNOW ANY OTHER FICS THAT BROKE THE SAGAU STANDARD :''''D

i swear I'm not as self-centered as I seem :'''D

forgive me (つд⊂)

and also- if u do check the sideblog, there's an announcement i just posted about the fic having to be paused cuz I am moving :''D

but if u look at the tags u might see something meant for u hehehe

BUT ANYWAYS- apart from my shamelessness and idiotic self-

yes I do acknowledge that I have the dearest privilege of that reserved spot, and yes I'm going to take advantage of it >:D (just this one time tho)

and as for my final final say as this might be my last ask, I will genuinely miss you my dear author, your answers to my asks and your posts are the things I look forward to and wait for everytime I open up Tumblr and I do actually kinda sad whenever I refresh my dashboard and not see you at the top :''D

(lil side note- I'd love to be moots but because my main isn't genshin centered, i'm not quite sure whether or not you'd like the content there :''D tho it's all just random reblogs and rambles atm) - Ever so forever yours, 👹✨ anon <3 (or you can just call me jae)

as soon as i saw your last ask, i just made it my top priority to respond asap because i wanted you to see my answer before you go offline 😭 aaaaa, i'm super glad i could catch you — somewhat? hehe!

yes, yes, i already know~ the funny thing is that i've actually interacted with your acc, @/sarcasticqueerblob before! like do you remember when i asked if i should write fluff or angst first sometime ago??? when i post rambles (non-asks or posts), i tend to respond/reblog if someone comments on them and you were there! i don't think you became my anon yet at that time, but i definitely remembered you <3

awww, dw, dw! i know some people feel vv strongly about self-promo — but i think everyone deserves to give themselves some spotlight once in a while (as long as they don't cross the line), you know? and you're not wrong, there aren't many c!imposter SAGAU fics out there, so i can understand where you're coming from! >:)

the angst in your request is astronomical per usual 🤌✨ AND THE TAGS. i feel honored that i got a special mention in your tags jfjejkfksek and no worries about your main blog~ to me, being moots isn't always about the content because even if our interests don't perfectly align, i'd still wanna follow you and know more about what you like! see it as a token of friendship of some sort, hehe.

and i'll miss you a lot too, jae! :( hopefully, you can come back in the future because i'll still be here 🫂 but in case you don't, just know that you're always in the back of my mind at all times! you have your own little corner in my brain, after all >:)

[kanmom51]

i recently read a twitter post , someone pretending to be a sasaeng , obviously. sounded like someone doing for following. they said jm used to have many one night stands and now he stopped all that and is having a gf. his gf is having a page with many followers in insta.

she was also making a thread on how real is vsoo( tae and jisoo from blackpink ship ) by using eg of accesories and similar branded dresses lmao. they also said jikook is purely FS. and jin is an angel.

i also read another one last yr , pretending to know things about boys in quora saying if u want to know whom jk is dating come to han river. u can see. also said jm is having a messy dating history(last one broke up in sep 2020).

another one said jm is dating a girl idol and jk a highschool friend

another one , jm is playboy and jk had many gfs.

my question is most of them dont have much info or any info on hyung line. tae also not much infos. but all have info that either jm or jk is having many gfs and past relationships or are playboys. like why??? best thing is this are said about boys whom we speculate of being in a relationship for past 5 years or so. intresting none of this "true info" about boys are not matching with one another ???

but why they all have 'info' on jikook and not much about other boys , whom i think atleast some in relationship by now

I think you answered your own question anon.

The only ones those 'fans' feel the need to prove are dating girls are the two members that are probably in a gay relationship with each other. Shock. Not really.

As you can probably also see every single one of those accounts has the 'true story' about both JK and JM, only that 'true story' differs from one to the other, other than one single re-occurring theme. Do I have to spell it out?

[punksouthie]

wait i know you said you wouldnt elaborate on buffy and faith being ooc on the ats Sanctuary post but i need to know your thoughts 😳 if youre open to it ofc.

well… since u asked. i remember reading a post where someone explained this much more coherently than i will but i cant find it so. i’ll do my best.

it’s pretty much only buffy and angel’s portrayal that i Do Not think was done well. Faith is fine really, she’s come off that “nothing i do matters bc i dont matter bc im already dead so why not fuck everything up” mindset and she now has to deal w Everything. angel is at his best this ep and also at some of his worst, particularly w his interactions w buffy. he’s the forgiving figure, the guiding hand that faith needs, and he extends unending kindness that he LEARNED from buffy, he learned how to be a hero from her, how to forgive when it seems impossible. (see: That Hug in “Beauty and the Beasts”) and then buffy gets there and shes very vindictive, and its framed as buffy being jealous of faith&angel (her looking in on their hug parallels that scene in “Enemies”). she’s very much supposed to be the “antagonist” of the ep as much as the council or as kate. but in Buffy her distrust of faith was understood as very complicated identity issues in s3 and then bc of guilt abt the whole stabbing situation in s4 (and still complicated identity issues too). buffy DID try to forget abt faith, and she’s then faced w faith’s understandable stance of “u stabbed me and also killed my dad and also put me in a coma and also forgot abt me square tf up???” and she spends the entirety of “Who Are You?” literally walking a mile in faith’s shoes, and at the end of it she doesn’t look Vindictive or Angry she looks conflicted, and even sad.

And then we get to Angel and none of it tracks. now i love Mean buffy, bc she can be mean, but her meanness is almost always a tool to push ppl away (see: “When She Was Bad”) not as a reactionary thing. that scene on the rooftop between buffy and faith is The Scene of “Sanctuary”, but everything around it makes it less poignant than it could’ve been. buffy HAS offered forgiveness many times to faith, and she HAS been spat on and made a victim, but it Feels like the writers want you to see buffy as unreasonable coupled w the rest of her characterization which consists of her bragging abt riley to angel and then hitting him (she has tried to hurt him w her words b4 when she feels hurt, see: “you have a heart? it isn’t even beating.” but she Never got physical w souled angel) and it feels… icky. bc buffy is portrayed as a “bitch” and angel’s the Good guy who just wants to help in comparison. also that fkn line “i’m sorry but i’ve never killed anyone.” like… bro she just wouldn’t say that. SHE was the one who originally wanted angel to get thru to faith in “Consequences” bc she understood that angel knows what it’s like. and to be clear, buffy Should be trying to hold faith accountable, i just don’t think she would’ve gone abt it like That. yes, she would’ve been irritated and upset, faith rejected her help and her forgiveness and that scares her, i think buffy would’ve even been bitter that angel got thru to faith when buffy’s the one who’s been trying to do so since “Revelations”, sometimes halfheartedly but still. i just can’t see buffy acting like that when its so clearly just a device in order to bring more conflict for faith to make the decision to turn herself in and maybe even to make angel look like the Rational one, it is his show after all. hope i explained that well, never done this sort of post b4.

TL;DR this ep provided Way too much food for buffy antis by presenting her as an antagonistic character on the same sort of level as kate and the Council, despite what happened at the end of “Who Are You?” just to present angel as the good guy savior in comparison. and she says and does things she wouldn’t say or do (brags abt riley, calls angel a murderer, hits angel) to make her seem unreasonable. basically, they kinda treat her like a tool for the plot (faith turning herself in), and it rubs me the wrong way.

[cwtchhawk]

Talking about ep.10 before it’s out

Alright, ep. 10 is out in two days and i’m loosing my mind. The official account have posted some frames (I don’t really know how they are called sorry for that!) and I just wanted to make a little analysis 

[Disclaimer: English is not my mother tongue and I can make awful mistakes, don’t doubt to point those out to me :)]

So, here we have our favourite witty boy!! I’ve gone mad seeing again all the episodes to make sure this wasn’t a clip already posted, but I’m confident enough to say this is definitly ep. 10! On my personal opinion, I think that because of the blurry background he is in the middle of a beef, probably the one with Snake (if I’m not wrong, as Shadow, Harry [btw who on earth is this man??], Snow, Joe, Cherry and Adam have already compete, these two are the only ones left) What’s clear is that Miya looks terrified, I can’t say if it is because some weird movement from Snake or beacuse of... Adam (from his reaction after he saw Snake in “S” I can’t help feeling that these two are having a beef at any moment, so maybe Adam gets so angry that he jumps into Miya and Snake’s beef and I dunno, does something dangerous).

Keeping on, we have some images from young Adam and Tadashi that were shown in ep.8. I guess that, as many of you have already pointed out, we are gonna see more about their relationship. 

Now is when things start to go highly hypothetical (as if thy weren’t yet...), because the next image is: SUNSHINE BOY!

Now, from my perspective, I can tell he is looking down. this may be an stupid observation, but I really feel that someone as bubbly as Reki would be always looking up, not down. However, as so many people have realised, he has his bandana back which make us all super happy! I really hope that this means  that he and Langa make up in this ep. Like... this is one of the last scenes, where Reki goes out to meet Langa as usual... Anyways, I don’t want to get exited about something that may no happen :)

A few people have also mentioned that this is an old frame from ep.7, but, and I have tried to watch it meticulousl,  it is never shown. There is this frame that looks similiar though. It appears seconds before reki’s mum calls him to get his bentou. 

Also, maybe it is me but I feel that the colours are poorer, like, darker. Maybe is the effect of the sky, maybe is the fact that the door is open and the sunlight causes more shadows, maybe is and indicator that Reki is still off or maybe it’s just me overanalysing a clip :) [however if you compare both images, Reki’s hair is darker and so is the bright green of the backpack]

Now! One of the most intriguing images I’ve ever seen it’s the next one, which runs free in my mind the hole time. 

I’m gona say it. What the actual f*ck. 

I don’t understand. That is definitely Reki’s arm. But WHERE IS HE?!? WHERE?!! Ar first I thoght that the wine-coloured background (okay I have no idea what colour it is, I would say is wine but honestly I dont’ know if there is a more specific name) could be at “S” in a moment that is illuminated with colourful light but I see quite unlikely that Reki would come back to S just an episode after he quitted and in his school uniform. The fact that he is wearing the uniform seems important to me. I have revised the backgrounds and no one has that super smoothy background, you can’t tell the texture, is that a floor? a wall?. However, I think that it’s at night (all the colours have a cold subtone) and there is some weird light up in the left corner. I think it comes from somewhere in the back and it’s higher than Reki. 

I can’t come up with anything solid enough to justify why Reki is in an unkonown place at night and with his uniform (u can tell it bothers me a lot). I have a few options in mind but they are pretty... let’s say poor: 

1) Dope Sketch

Dope Skecht has vibrant colours and maybe with the right light and the right time the walls can get... emm closer to a wine colour? The workshop doesn’t look like an option neither, but both places have more or less smooth walls, hehehe

I don’t know, Langa could go to Dope Sketch, find Reki there and well, have a talk? But I don’t see the wine colour anywhere

2) Skateparks 

Even though the floor is a bright orange, in the clip they posted as a premise of ep. 10 seems to me a bit darker (or maybe it’s just me that wants to see stuff where there is none) Also, there is this big spotlight that could explain the light in the left of the picture (?) and we can’t forget that IT appears in the premise so it MIGHT be related to this (or at all).  There is a different skate park (the one where Langa is) which walls also look pretty smooth, but they are concrete and I wouldn’t use a warm colour as wine to create shadow in that material. 

3) Hospital 

Okay, this is one is pure fantasy because the walls clearly have a greeenish/blueish subtone, but maybe a hospital room has another colours??? I don’t know, the more I look the first picture, the more cofused I get. It looks so smoothy that I hardly believe it could be a wall!! I came up with the hospital idea because Miya could ended there if he has a beef with Snake and Adam takes part of it  (which is something that I DON’T wish to happen, but it would definitely make Reki angry)

4) Joe’s restaurant 

Joe’s restaurant is fully wood but who knows maybe he has wine wallpaper in the bathrooms I don’t know I’m desperate. Since Joe has been a role model to Reki he could go to this place to talk to him (maybe after Langa’s talk??)

5) S

(okay, just look how Reki is hugging Miya...  Just... give me a second)

Before I’ve said that it seems very unlikely to me that Reki would go in his school uniform to S, but it is true that in ep.4, when Adam makes his first appearance in the crowds, everything has this kind of purple/wine coloured light.  It doesn’t explain the smoothenes of the background but you know, it’s a possibility. 

6) This one freaks me out but... Adam’s house 

i CAN’T explain how, but look at the background, look at the bakground and tell me that the colour of the corridor doesn’t match the one of the other shoot. Look at me and tell me that the courtains, if they where closed (I dont know if that is the correct verb) wouldn’t look like the background we are looking for. 

Now, how does Reki end up in Adam’s office??? Ha, no idea. 

And that is all I wanted to say. I know I  have rambled too much and get obsessed with stuff that may not be as important as I think, but Reki being in what looks like an unknown location when there is only three episodes left gives me creeps. 

I would love to hear your theoris though! Keep in mind I basically made up all of this and just tried to convince myself of it!

Again, apologies for my english :)

[maoam]

I know the twitter account who posted that tweet of naruto rivalries and tbh from most of their tweets i don't think they believe that sns is comparable to sakuino either (i remember they've stated it in some tweet as well) it just seems like a joke/light-hearted tweet to me

Tbh i dont think its fair to compare the views of twitter sns stans with tumblr sns stans' views since most sns stans on twitter have to be very very careful about what they do or say to ensure that they aren't subjected to the daily harassment sns shippers have to face from sasusaku shippers on there so i won't be surprised if half of them dont say what they actually believe in

Tweets like that are something which is appropriate for the current naruto twitter climate where its better to show how naruto and sasuke were one of the "accidentally gay rivalries" created by kishimoto so that they can enjoy talking about sns without being branded as "crazy conspiracy theorists fujoshi fetishizers" by the sasusaku freaks on there who always go apeshit crazy when anyone dares to say that kishimoto intentionally made them gay

Like im not even exaggerating twitter sasusakus are on a whole next level of disgusting and pathetic they keep calling sns shippers "incest/soul brothers shippers", make monthly tweet threads about how "sasuke and naruto are brothers" where they cite multiple interviews of kishimoto calling sns brothers, commonly send death threats and suicide bait sns shippers (i remember how one of them replied with a "instructions on how to hang yourself" image chart to a sns shipper during an argument), have asked a sns shipper with intrusive thoughts to end their life even AFTER they kept telling them to not do it, have made islamphobic comments n called muslim sns shippers terrorists, pretended to be poc and made fun of black sns shippers appearance, and all this is something that has happened in last THREE months alone

And don't even get me started on how they constantly police what sns shippers do or say and try their hardest to paint them as problematic, ss shippers on twitter keep reaching hard to act like every non mlm person who writes/consumes sexual content of sns is automatically fetishizing mlm, many of them believe that liking sns itself is fetishization of mlm, many if them attack sns fans when they even joke about sasuke and naruto liking each other more than their wives by accusing them of "pushing their cheating headcanons which is wrong", act like sns shippers who dislike sakura are automatically misogynistic etc etc

Alot of sns shippers accounts are constantly stalked and monitored by some or the other ss shipper bc there have been so many instances where some sns fan tweeted just some harmless negative OPINION about sakura or sasuke and their comments and quote tweets were filled with ss shippers harrassing them within less than an hour

Honestly, its pretty fucking hard and tiring to be a sns fan on twitter so im glad and surprised that there still are many sns fans there which is why i never bother correcting any sns fan who claims that kishimoto "accidentally" made sns gay or compare sns with mediocre ships like sakuino n kakaobi or display any other wrong opinion since i personally know MANY twitter sns fans who dislike sakura but pretend to like her just so they dont get harrassed by the rabid ss and sakura stans on there

Anyways, really sorry for this essay length ask I've been wanting to discuss the twitter sns and ss fandom with u for a long time and seemed like a good opportunity to do so

I see. I understand, I know twitter sasusaku shippers are absolutely crazy and gross. To be honest when I post about it I mostly want to make it clear what my own stance is. But honestly many sns shippers on tumblr say the same about "accidental gay" and also like sakuino. Actually I recently talked with someone who asked why do so many sns like that ship (and she is only on tumblr) since she dislikes it. There are also general shonen fans who claim this is something that happens often in shonen which is in my opinion a bad take.

It must be hard for ss shippers on twitter when everyone (including casuals) make fun of their ship and call Naruto and Sasuke gay. Not that I feel even slightly sorry for them, they are the worst ship fandom I've come across. Everything you said and my own experiences with them, they are just terrible. Also I have experienced ss on tumblr too who have claimed to be "bi" or "part of the lgbtq+" before only for them to end up doing or saying something homophobic afterwards that didn't even have to do with them hating sns. So I never believe them when they claim to be something. I once got an anon telling me to not generalize ss but how can I not when their fandom is terrorizing people constantly? They are a mob.

Also Sakura is embarrassing, these twitter anime feminists need to get real and stop acting like hating Sakura is some conspiracy. It's what to be expected.

Anyway if you want to talk more you can send another ask.

[aegialia]

self-indulgent reflection on being on tumblr

so i recently hit 1000 followers on here and this blog has existed for almost exactly 8 years, so i wanted to ramble about tumblr and my experience of it for awhile. under the cut so definitely feel free to ignore this.

i started this blog right around when i was fourteen and had just started high school. at that point, i was out to my parents (and no one else) as bi, i had an inkling i was Struggling with something but i had no idea what and felt like i couldnt actually acknowledge it, and i had left leaning but very vague politics. tumblr definitely has shaped my journey around sexuality/gender/mental health/politics, both for good and for ill. 

for good: 

seeing other ppl talk about being lesbians helped me realize i could be a lesbian w/o being a traitor to the concept of bisexuality. hearing trans ppl talk about their experiences and explaining non-binary stuff and dysphoria helped me understand what i was going through 

i don’t like talking about my mental health stuff in detail on here, but suffice to say, i was Going Through it in high school. i’m still going through it now, but i am in a much better place (thank you medication and 7 years of therapy!). seeing ppl talk about the weird, dumb, awful parts of mental illness let me acknowledge that i was going through those things too, that i wasnt like evil for feeling like that, that i could change. people talking about adhd/autism was particularly helpful---being able to identify why i’d always felt like my brain just didn’t work right is the first step in the (ongoing) process of not hating myself for the way my brain works

politics is definitely the area where i think tumblr was the best for me. i got exposed to so many opinions i definitely wasn’t hearing in school, from intelligent, well-read people who could articulate theory in ways i could understand. tumblr didn’t give me my politics and i didn’t learn everything i know about theory from it, but the communities of people i was around pointed me in the right directions. tumblr was also a good place to learn how to react to criticism. this doesn’t seem to be most people’s experience, but getting called out over minor things on tumblr genuinely helped me learn how to take a step back, look at my behavior, apologize, and try to change, which, as it turns out, is a helpful skill irl as well

for ill:

wrt sexuality and gender, it’s probably pretty obvious someone who’s journey is ‘cis bi girl -> cis with a million different microlabels -> nb w a million different microlabels for both sexuality and gender -> nb butch lesbian who’s not super into romance’ would have some bad times on tumblr. the bi circles i was in made being a lesbian seem like an immoral choice, the ‘’’mogai’’’ (or whatever u wanna call them) circles made me feel like i had to divy up and perfectly label every aspect of myself in a way that really wasn’t helpful for me, the lesbian circles i was in made me feel like being a lesbian was about ending up in a monogamous butch/femme cottagecore relationship and that there was something wrong with me for not really wanting that. to be clear i think microlabels can be very helpful for people/a monogamous butch/femme relationship is a perfectly fine thing to want, they just didn’t work for me. im very very glad ive reached a point in my life where i dont feel the need to stay up to date on the latest discourse and am more focused on finding a way to exist that is comfortable for me and supporting my community irl. 10/10 would recommend to everyone

not going to get deep into it, but social media is. not good for my brain in general. i still enjoy using tumblr, but these days im pretty careful to step back from it frequently and treat it as an occasional hobby. 

the cons of political stuff on tumblr are probably also very obvious. there are some just awful discussions on here and the culture surrounding the way we handle bad behavior and justice and accountability and working to become a better person and make up for the harm you’ve caused has historically been fucking awful and trying to unlearn it and find new ways to engage with this stuff is exhausting. 

for all that i’ve changed over the course of having this blog, this blog has stayed pretty fucking static. i started out being super into diana wynne jones and the iliad and those are still two of my biggest interests and things i talk about the most on here. there are definitely specific things that have petered away (i started this blog almost entirely to keep up with good omens fan stuff and i pretty much haven’t touched it since the miniseries came out, i haven’t sought out pacific rim/supernatural/elementary/mcu content in years), but im still pretty much interested in the same things. i like relatively small fandoms, i like weird side characters, i like to be a grumpy child playing with my toys in the corner. when a fandom im in gets popular, i tend to stop engaging with it entirely (hello rqg/tma/good omens/enola holmes!). i dont think its a pretentious ‘i liked it before it was cool’ thing so much as a ‘people get Weird and awful when a fandom hits a certain level of popularity and there’s too much content and i really, really hate the bad faith arguments larger fandoms tend to spawn’ thing. i’ll consume content from big fandoms, but i pretty much refuse to actually engage with them at this point.

one of the stranger parts of my experience of tumblr is the social side. i’ve never really known how people make friends online---how do you go from liking each other’s posts and occasionally replying to them to actually being friends who communicate off social media? i’ve had conversations with ppl on tumblr and i’ve had sort-of friendships that are contained to tumblr where i’d like to get to know them better, but i’ve never figured out how to do that. my best friend’s job is pretty much to make friends/connections on the internet (she’s an activist and artist), my dad knows people everywhere in the world from twitter, and i’m just sitting here like a little old grandpa who doesn’t understand how you can have internet friends. 

at this point in my life, i’m fine with this, but this has made me feel real fucking bad in the past---like, if everyone online, even the ppl who say they’re weird and brainbad in a similar way to me, can make friends on the internet, what’s wrong with me? particularly in high school and my first year of college, when i was just horribly lonely all the time, it made me feel super disconnected and like there was something fundamentally bad about me. these days, i’m a lot chiller about it. i use social media to engage with stuff i enjoy and share my thoughts about it. it’s okay that my social difficulties extend to me not knowing how to use the internet to socialize.

on a somewhat related topic, it’s wild that i have 1000 followers. obviously, that’s not an actually super large number and a huge number of them are probably bots or inactive. if you post consistently for eight years and follow lots of people, like i do, it’s not a surprise to end up with this many followers. it is also, thankfully, the sort of followers that are not fans. probably most ppl following this blog dont remember why they followed and dont know anything about me or my interests. this sounds like its meant to be depressing but it’s not. i like that my way of engaging w the internet lets me do pretty much whatever i want and no one will care. the mere concept of being. like. tumblr famous in any capacity, even just in one community/fandom, is viscerally horrifying to me. 

i really enjoy the space i’ve created for myself on here. on one hand, going back through my blog is obviously embarrassing and full of hating my past self. on the other hand, i now have a very nice collection of things i enjoy in this blog. i like seeing what i’ve been interested in and (when i’m in a good mental health place) i like to be able to remember how i thought and talked about the things i loved when i was younger. im not at the place in my life where i can love a younger version of myself, but sometimes i can laugh at zir with a level of fondness. 

i’ve always been paranoid about sharing details about my life on here (and the fact that my parents have always been able to see it certainly contributed), so the version of jack on here is a carefully curated version, who’s super enthusiastic about the things they love, was very conscientious about apologizing and trying to do better when ze messed up, and tried to be polite to others. that’s a younger version of myself that i’m closer to being able to have compassion for than the version i find in essays and poems and memories. 

i’m starting grad school in ten days and i’m still using the blog i started when i began high school. tumblr has helped me in a lot of ways and hurt me in a lot of ways, but i still have to admit that it’s been a significant factor in shaping me. i’d be incredibly embarrassed to admit that irl, but it’s true. other than my family and like one friend, this blog is one of the only things that’s ‘known’ me since i started high school. i’ve changed so much in that time and im glad to have this weird little record of myself throughout those changes, even if i’d probably warn my younger self away from tumblr if i could go back in time.

tl;dr i have had a mixed experience on tumblr and i have mixed feelings about that experience. no idea if anyone read any of this very long, very rambling internet memoir

p.s. fun facts about this blog:

i’ve never changed my icon or blog title

i recently got a second version of the poster i got my blog title from. i chose my blog title by looking at what was hanging on the wall directly in front of me. 

my original url was gloomthkin. this was not, as you’d probably assume, an otherkin thing. i had literally no idea what otherkin was at that point. i’d just learned the word gloomth from a bill bryson book and thought it would be cool n edgy to be the child of the quality of gloom. i changed my url after i learned what otherkin was and realized everyone probably assumed something about me that wasn’t true which i hated (not bc i had an issue w otherkin, just bc i don’t like ppl thinking untrue things about me)

during my good omens days, i once sent a tumblr ask to nail guyman which, in retrospect, was kinda rude. i stand by the content but id never send an ask like that now. he replied to it privately in a way that so deeply embarrassed and shamed 15 year old me that i’ve never gotten over it. i still get nervous and embarrassed when i see anything about him or his books