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stevie-petey · 10 months ago

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episode one: MADMAX

Steve is looking at Nancy so tenderly, and when he removes his sunglasses you see how much his eyes light up when she hits his shoulder and leans in close to him. “I missed you,” Steve tells her, his voice soft and sensual. It’s the way he says it that makes you want to run your hands through his hair, be the one in his arms as he kisses your neck and whispers how often he’s thought of you since you’ve been gone. You’ve felt his arms around you before, once. You know how securely he holds on, how his cologne lingers on your clothes long after he’s gone. You miss him, you miss everything.

Summary: what does steve fear more ? you or the plague ? currently it's you, some guy with an awful mullet stares you down in the parking lot (gross), nancy invites you to a party from your nightmares, and you become an official unlicensed therapist for will. yay for junior year !

Rating: general, slight cursing

Warnings: fem!reader, use of y/n, descriptions of PTSD (slightly), swearing, and general angst and exhaustion

Words: 5.2k

Before you swing in: hello ! welcome back to the rewrite, hope yall are well :) heres chapter 1 of season 2 !!! so so so excited and ready to dive into this new season. things get a bit darker, feelings get even MORE complicated, and poor reader just really needs to take a fat nap and maybe some reassuring words. shes more angsty this season, so buckle up

October 29th, 1984

You originally gave Dustin the phone number to Bookstrordinary in case of any emergencies.

Now, you’re really starting to regret it.

For the fifth time this week, Dustin calls you at work to beg for money. Him and the boys recently started going to an arcade that’s opened up in town and have spent practically every day after school there this year. Sure, you don’t mind loaning your brother a few quarters, but at the rate he’s going he’s gonna drain your next paycheck.

Just as you’re thinking this, the phone rings.

Right on cue.

Alex, your coworker, smirks. “How much do you think he’ll ask for this time?”

“If I’m lucky, only a dollar.”

“Will asked me for three tonight, so I wouldn’t jinx anything.”

You gape at Jonathan, who has started hanging around your job after school just to have something to do. “No fucking way.”

“Way,” he laughs, pointing towards the phone on the counter. “Answer before Dustin sends a drone our way.”

You sigh and pick up the phone, which is on its second round of calling, and put on your best customer service voice. “You’ve reached Bookstrordinary, may I ask who is calling?”

“Don’t play dumb, Y/N.”

“Aw, I’m doing well tonight. Thanks for asking, Dustin.”

“I need five dollars.”

“Ya know, ‘please’ has such a nice ring to it.”

“... if I say please, will you give me the money?”

“No.”

Silence fills the other end. Alex and Jonathan are hunched together, trying to stifle their laughs. You send them a thumbs up, and they give you one back.

“You’re a horrible sister.”

“What!” You scoff at Dustin. “I think you owe me like, at least ten bucks now. Yet you don’t see me complaining.”

A loud groan, then an obnoxious scream. “I promise I’ll clean Mews’ litter box for a week straight if you just give me the money.”

“Tempting, and honestly I’d take you up on that offer, but I already spent my last paycheck on my Halloween costume. You’re outta luck.”

Dustin gasps. “You were gonna say no this whole time? You just wasted like, at least five minutes of my time! I could’ve been digging through the couch for coins by now!”

“Jesus,” you pull the phone away from your face as Dustin continues to shout. Jonathan lets out a loud cackle and Alex just shakes his head. “I can give you some money next week–”

The line cuts off. Dustin has hung up.

What a little shit.

“You remind me why I’m grateful I’m an only child.” Alex says, now walking from behind the counter to begin stacking some books. Technically your shift ended almost thirty minutes ago, but you and Jonathan prefer to hang around for a while. It’s rare to have some time with just the two of you (even if Alex is there as an unfortunate third wheel).

“Glad I can help.” You respond. Once he’s gone, you turn to Jonathan. “And you were right, Dustin indeed wanted more than Will’s measly three bucks.”

He laughs. “Figured as much. The look on your face was genuine disbelief when he asked.”

“Mhm, I’m scared these boys will turn into horrendous teens. The lack of gentlemen in Hawkins these days is astounding.”

“C’mon, I’d say I’m a gentleman. I mean, I’m riding on your bike pegs tonight to keep you safe.” Jonathan says, waving an arm in front of his body as if to present all his gentleman-ness to you.

“Sure, bee.” Although, he has a point. Joyce has the car tonight so she can drive Will to the arcade and Jonathan doesn’t like you biking home in the dark. After what happened last year, none of the Byers are particularly keen on letting their loved ones go off alone at night. So, to ensure your safety, Jonathan has started riding on your bike pegs all the way home.

It’s endearing really, wholly unnecessary, but endearing.

Jonathan flicks your nose. “Who else would be such a gentleman to you? Steve?”

Hearing Steve’s name sends a wave of varying emotions through you. Guilt, shame, remorse, longing. You miss him. You really, really miss him.

“I thought we agreed to stop talking about Steve.” You mumble, now busying yourself with a piece of paper on the counter.

After Will was found last year, you and Steve had gotten really close. He’d spend hours bugging you at work, he’d gotten you such a lovely Christmas gift that still hangs on your wall, and you’d grown close with him in a way you haven’t before with anyone else. He would’ve done anything for you, he cared about you with such genuineness, and you couldn’t handle it.

Summer came and the heat that came with it scared you.

You’d pushed Steve away, severed any connection you had to him. It was easier when you didn’t have to see him every day at school, but ever since junior year started, you’ve been in your own personal hell.

Steve walks past you in the halls without batting an eye. He doesn’t look your way, like the months you spent learning every inch of his wonderfully unique brain and the moles scattered along his face never happened; he doesn’t give you that smile that makes your knees weak. He’s avoided you like the fucking plague, which you can’t blame him for, but it’s only made things more awkward between him, Jonathan, Nancy, and you.

Jonathan sighs. “I’m sorry, bug. I just… he seemed good for you, ya know? I was actually starting to like the guy before you suddenly stopped hanging around him.”

You play with the piece of paper, hoping that if you don’t respond then Jonathan will just drop the subject, but a thought seems to cross his mind.

“Wait a minute. Steve didn’t like, hurt you or anything, right?” You don’t respond again and now he’s starting to get worried. “Y/N, I’m serious. Did he do something to you?”

The irony of the situation is so comical you want to laugh. Here Jonathan is, demanding to know if Steve hurt you and if that’s why you’ve stopped being his friend, when in reality it’d been Jonathan who hurt you. Jonathan, your oldest and dearest friend, is the reason you’re so fucking terrified of letting Steve in. Of falling in love with him.

You’re already in love with Jonathan, you can’t put yourself through any more hurt.

But fuck, you miss Steve. You’d come to rely on him and his obnoxious sense of humor that never failed to make you laugh. The way he so effortlessly filled the room with warmth.

“Relax, bee. He didn’t do anything. I just wanted to focus on Will and the boys more.” You lie through your teeth.

He gives you a funny look. “I know you care about the boys, but you know they’d want you to have some other friends.”

“I have you, that’s all I need.”

It’s all I can afford.

“Bug, I’m worried about you. You’ve all but thrown yourself into school, you work non stop here, and when you finally have some free time you’re spending it researching child psych for Will–”

“Just drop it, Jonathan!” You finally snap at your friend.

He stops, surprised by your outburst. He can see the angry flush in your cheeks now and the slight heavy breathing you do to try and calm yourself down. Jonathan drops his shoulders, defeated. He’s been worried about you ever since junior year started. You’re more withdrawn, you look like you haven’t slept at all, and now you don’t even feel comfortable telling him what’s been bothering you.

All Jonathan knows is that one day you were glowing while telling him a story about Steve and his stupid jokes, then the next day you looked frail and sickly as you told him that Steve was no longer visiting you at work.

Something happened between you two, he’s just not sure what or how to even help.

For once, Jonathan is at a loss.

–

“And then she chased Mike all the way down the street for her money! He got away!” Jonathan finishes his story with a grand flourish, laughing and hitting his steering wheel as if it’s the funniest thing in the world.

You let out a weak laugh, exhausted from the night before. It’s early morning and you’re in the school parking lot, hanging in Jonathan’s car as always, and you feel like utter shit. You stayed up late last night reading this journal you’d found in the school library about acute trauma in children. It had been fascinating and there were some things you thought could apply to Will. Before you knew it, it had been three in the morning and you needed to be up soon for school.

Which leads you to now: slouched in the passenger seat, sunglasses over your eyes to block out the annoying sun, tiredly listening to Jonathan’s recounting of his phone call with Nancy from last night. Apparently they’ve progressed to nightly phone calls now.

Lovely.

Without meaning to, your eyes start to drift shut. The car is the perfect cozy kind of warm and the late October air wraps around you as if to lull you to sleep. Jonathan notices you’ve gone quiet and pokes your cheek.

“If you fell asleep I’ll tell your mom and she’ll put you back on house arrest.”

You slap his hand away. “Don’t do that, then she’ll just ban me from your house.”

“You were up all night researching again, weren’t you.”

“If you have to ask, then that’s probably your answer.”

“Y/N–”

You put a finger up, using your other hand to rub at your temples. A headache is forming and you’re three seconds away from just skipping first period to nap in the car. “We aren’t doing this again. Drop it.”

Jonathan rolls his eyes. “I’m your best friend, it’s my job to worry about you–”

“And it’s my job to tell you to fuck off whenever you’re getting on my nerves–”

Suddenly a loud blue camaro comes speeding into the school parking lot, effectively drowning out whatever you’d been saying to Jonathan. The car revs its engine and almost hits a few students as it jerks its tires and then screeches to a halt, parking right next to you guys.

You and Jonathan look at each other.

“What the fuck?” You look out your window and are greeted with the sight of an attractive blond guy staring at you. His music is blasting so loud you can hear it through Jonathan’s windows.

“Jonathan,” you whisper, getting his attention. “Am I really tired or is there a guy with a god awful mullet staring at me right now?”

“He’s real.”

“Cool.” You continue to stare at the guy, unsure what to do. You’ve never seen him before, there’s no way you’d forget a face like that in Hawkins. He’s attractive, almost unappealingly attractive, and there’s a coldness to his beauty that makes you uncomfortable. He looks dangerous, like he knows how much power his beauty brings him.

The boy winks at you, a lit cigarette dangling from his mouth, and then gets out of the car, slamming his door rather harshly. It’s then that you notice the redhead girl, much younger than him, possibly around Dustin’s age, getting out of the car as well. She slams her own door and doesn’t even spare the guy a glance as she drops her skateboard down and rides towards the middle school across the parking lot.

Meanwhile the boy saunters inside, a lazy pace in his step that also holds immense confidence. He’s cocky, cool and collected, and he takes one last look around, as if to survey his new claimed battleground. You notice a few of your classmates gazing at him with interest, which you don’t really understand. He’s hot, but his attitude alone tells you everything you need to know about him.

Once he’s gone, Jonathan finally speaks. “Who was that guy?”

“No clue,” your eyes linger on the doors he’s just walked through. There’s something off about him. “But I don’t think we want to know… C’mon, if we don’t head in now we’ll be late for our first class.”

–

During your lunch period everyone’s buzzing about some upcoming Halloween party. As you’re walking towards your locker with Jonathan, you notice a few pieces of orange paper being passed around. You don’t pay much attention to them, but when Nancy joins you two she eagerly takes a few from the girl passing them out.

Nancy playfully shoves the papers at you and Jonathan. “You guys are totally coming to this.”

“We are?” You ask, eyeing the flyer wearily. You have nothing against parties, but the thought of being surrounded by a bunch of drunk teenagers in horrible costumes is frankly terrifying to you.

“You sure are, Y/N.”

“But Nancy–”

“‘Come and get sheet faced’.” Jonathan reads aloud. “Yeah, Nance. I think we’ll pass.”

Nancy groans. “I can’t let you guys sit all alone on Halloween. That’s just not acceptable.”

“Actually,” you correct her, annoyed by the assumption, “we have a tradition with the boys. We take them out every year to trick or treat and it’s always been fun. We won’t be ‘alone’.”

“No offense, Y/N, but spending Halloween with a bunch of middle schoolers isn’t much better.”

You make a face and look over at Jonathan for help, but he shrugs. “You gotta admit, it is kinda lame.”

“I can’t believe you’d betray me like this–”

Nancy smiles at this. “See? Plus, I doubt trick or treating with the boys will take all night. You’ll be home by 8:00, and Jonathan will be listening to the Talking Heads and reading Vonnegut or something, while you, my dear Y/N, will be baking a fresh batch of cookies and throwing away all the candy corn you find.”

“Sounds like a nice night.” Jonathan responds, and you nudge your shoulder with his. It does sound like a nice night, one you’re looking forward to.

“I forgive you for your earlier betrayal.”

“Guys!” Nancy stops at her locker now, slight frustration in her voice. “Just… Come on! I mean, who knows? You guys might meet someone and–”

Her words are cut off with a squeal as she’s suddenly lifted in the air and spun around, Steve having snuck up behind her. Nancy now puts all her attention on him, he has his arms wrapped low on her waist and he’s wearing sunglasses inside like some idiot, and your heart hurts. He looks good, too good.

Steve is looking at Nancy so tenderly, and when he removes his sunglasses you see how much his eyes light up when she hits his shoulder and leans in close to him.

“I missed you,” Steve tells her, his voice soft and sensual.

It’s the way he says it that makes you want to run your hands through his hair, be the one in his arms as he kisses your neck and whispers how often he’s thought of you since you’ve been gone. You’ve felt his arms around you before, once. You know how securely he holds on, how his cologne lingers on your clothes long after he’s gone. You miss him, you miss everything.

Steve, as if sensing what you’re thinking, risks a look at you. Your eyes meet his and for a brief second no one else exists anymore. It’s just you and him in the small Hawkins high school hallway, where he’s yours again in a way that’s clouded with “almost” and “not enough”, and you want to tell him how lovely he is and how horrible you feel for hurting him, but then he diverts his gaze and focuses back on Nancy and you’re thrown back into reality.

He isn’t yours. Hell, he isn’t even your friend anymore, and you’re the one to blame.

Once Nancy and Steve start kissing, you share a disgusted look with Jonathan and silently agree to leave.

“Young love, huh?” Jonathan jokes bitterly when you’ve left them behind.

“I hate it.”

And you do.

You’re really starting to hate this whole “love” thing.

–

The only highlight so far this school year has been you and Will growing even closer. When Jonathan told you that Will started seeing the Hawkins Lab people for treatment and to see how he’s been recovering, you pulled Joyce aside later that night to ask if it’d be okay if you spoke with Will yourself. Since everything that happened last year, you’ve only become more interested in psychology, and you’d be lying if you said Will wasn’t an interesting case study.

You told Joyce that you’d been doing your own research, reading journals upon journals, and she made you a deal. You could help Will as long as you also took care of yourself, that you wouldn’t place an even heavier burden upon yourself. Of course you agreed, promising her you wouldn’t, and that’s how your weekly chats with Will began.

Jonathan had been against it at first, telling you that you didn’t have to worry about Will because you already do everything else for the kids. You told him you could handle it, and secretly you liked helping Will because you were able to pour all your anxiety and complex feelings for Steve into research and studying. It was a win-win in your eyes.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Waters had been extremely understanding when you asked for Wednesdays off. After all, you’d been working at Bookstrordinary for almost three years now, so she was quick to make the accommodation.

Now here you are, another Wednesday spent at the Byers’ home. You’re sitting with Will in his bed, the both of you quietly scribbling with his crayons. You’ve learned that he’s more receptive if you draw with him, if you take your time.

“How was Dr. Owens today?”

Will pauses mid-scribble. “Fine.”

“Just ‘fine’? Nothing else?” Your head is down so he doesn’t think you’re studying his reactions, but you keep an eye on him anyways.

“Yeah. I told him about my latest episode.”

“You had another one? Would you like to tell me when?”

Will thinks for a moment, and you tell him that he of course doesn’t have to say anything if he doesn’t want to.

“Last night. I was back in the Upside Down… and there was this… this thing.”

Now you stop drawing. “Like the monster we killed last year?”

“Different,” he shakes his head. “This thing was evil.”

Will’s eyes are darting everywhere around the room, and you can see his growing unease, so you decide to put the topic to rest for now. Clearly the episodes are getting worse, scaring him more, so you shift gears.

“Okay, I believe you. I’m sorry for the episodes, but besides them how have you been feeling? Is school getting any better?” Earlier this month Will had confessed to you about the kids in school calling him “zombie boy” and treating him like a freak. You did your best to comfort him, and once you finished your chat with the boy you’d gone to Joyce to let her know.

Will sighs. “School is… school.”

You reach out and move some hair out of Will’s face. “I’m sorry, little bee. Middle schoolers are idiots, they’ll never understand how much you went through. I mean, I had to face that monster for only about twenty minutes. You had to hide from it for days, so you’re honestly incredibly braver than me.”

This gets a smile out of Will, which you’re relieved by. He’s been quiet lately, more closed off, and you’re worried that with the one year anniversary coming up, his episodes will only get worse.

A knock on the door, and then Jonathan pokes his head in. “Hey, guys. Mind if I join?”

“Actually, I think I should go. Bob’s been begging me for my cookie recipe, so I’ll leave you two alone.” You send a look Will’s way, a you better talk to your brother about this look, and he weakly nods his head.

As you walk past Jonathan out the door, you lean in close to Jonathan and whisper, “he’s struggling at school. Be gentle, kids can be fucking awful.”

He nods and squeezes your hand, silently thanking you, and you close the door behind you. While you want to help Will, make sure he’s adapting well, you also recognize your limits. He’s not your brother, Jonathan is, and you know he’ll be more open with him.

Joyce is in the kitchen with Bob, making some popcorn over the stove. He’s filming her with his ridiculously large camera and you can’t help but smile as you watch them. Joyce looks so happy around the guy, laughing more than she’s laughed in the last five or so years you’ve known her. She deserves this, she deserves a guy like Bob. Sweet, slightly silly, but good.

When Joyce sees you lingering in the doorway, she waves you in. “Hey, honey. Any luck with Will tonight?”

“A bit, he told me some of what’s happening at school. He still seems… off, but at least he was opening up. It’s a good sign.”

Joyce hums, but you can sense that there’s more on her mind. You look around to make sure Bob isn’t near, he’s busy digging through a cabinet to find a clean bowl, so you move closer to the woman and lower your voice. “What did Dr. Owens say this time?”

“Claims we need to just pretend everything is okay, despite the fact that it’s getting worse.”

There’s an edge in Joyce’s voice, so you’re careful with your words. “Well… I think he’s right.”

“You do?” Joyce turns to you, her voice loud with surprise, before she quickly remembers Bob is near and lowers it again. “Why do you think that?”

“I was up late reading a new journal I found about acute trauma in children. It’s been almost a year since Will disappeared, he spent days in complete fear, almost died… I mean, it makes sense that his body is remembering those traumatic effects.”

“So you think we should just leave Will alone, let him suffer through his episodes without any help?” There’s more confusion and fear than anger in Joyce’s voice, and you rest your hand against her arm.

“I know it seems counterintuitive, but the best studies we have all show that we have to let those who suffer from post-traumatic stress adapt at their own pace, through their own ways. They hate feeling pitied, and I have a feeling Will is starting to as well.”

Joyce turns the stove off and shakes her head at you. “You sound like Hop. I thought you hated the guy.”

“I don’t hate him,” you chuckle, now helping the woman peel off the foil and sprinkle some salt onto the popcorn. “He just reminds me too much of my dad, and we all know how that ends.”

“Well if you ask me, I think it’s because you two are so similar.”

You gasp. “How dare you!”

Joyce laughs and the seriousness from the previous conversation dissipates. Bob finds a clean bowl and together you and him pour the fresh popcorn in as Joyce prepares the drinks. They’re having a movie night together, and you want to cry because of how adorable it all is. Joyce deserves this.

“You know you’re welcome to join us tonight, Y/N. It’s Will’s turn to choose the movie.” Joyce tells you, but you politely decline.

“Normally I’d love to, but I should get going. I have some homework and I promised Dustin I’d bake him some Halloween treats.”

“Oh!” Bob turns to you. “Speaking of, you promised you’d give me that recipe of yours!”

You and Joyce share an amused look. “You caught me, I did. I’ll write it down right now and you have to swear that no one else will look at this. Deal?”

Bob nods, ecstatic, and you grab a piece of paper and quickly scribble down all the ingredients he’ll need and how to make the cookies. Joyce watches fondly, and you fill with warmth having pleased her. When you’re done, you hand the paper over to Bob and make him cross his heart, just to be extra sure he won’t reveal all your secrets.

“Scout’s honor!”

“Very good then, soldier.” You salute him, and then pull Joyce into a hug. “I really gotta go now. Can you tell Jonathan I said goodbye?”

“Of course, bike home safe, alright?”

You wink at her. “Scout’s honor.”

Bob lets out a loud cackle and you can’t believe that this guy is real, but Joyce is laughing along with him and you’re pleased she’s found someone as endearing and kind as him.

–

As soon as you get home you throw down your backpack and bunker down at the kitchen table. Your mom isn’t back from work yet and Dustin seems to be off somewhere doing god knows what, so it’s just you and Mews for now.

Mews plops herself on the table next to an essay you’ve been working on and you scratch her head as you work. You get lost in your writing, humming softly to yourself, enjoying this small moment of peace.

You won’t admit this to Jonathan, but he’s right. You’ve been overworking yourself, your body aches and your eyes droop with exhaustion almost every day now. But keeping yourself busy is what’s helping you stay afloat. The more you pile onto yourself, the less time you have to think about Steve and his stupid smile and stupid hair and stupid face.

In the middle of one of your sentences, Dustin flings the front door open and scares you. “Jesus, dude!”

He doesn’t spare you a glance, but when he sees Mews on the table with you he suddenly looks a bit alarmed. “Mews is here?”

“Yeah…? She’s helping me with this english essay.” You respond, confused.

“Huh,” Dustin thinks for a second, but seems to shrug it off. “Anyways, I’m home.”

“I can see that.”

“Are you gonna ask about my day?”

“How was your day, my dear brother.”

Dustin hops onto the table and shimmies his shoulders. “I met a girl.”

“What?” You drop your pencil in shock and Mews scatters, your exclaim having frightened her.

“Don’t act too surprised, geesh.” Your brother rolls his eyes, but then he frowns. “Actually, technically speaking I haven’t met her yet, but–”

“You have a crush?” You’re in shock. In your eyes, Dustin is still a baby, no older than six years old. And yet here is he, thirteen and talking to you about a girl.

“Yes, Y/N. Her name is Max, she has red hair and is new, and she’s totally awesome.”

Red hair? You remember seeing that girl in the parking lot earlier today. “Was she with that weird new guy, the one with a mullet?”

Dustin nods, so you poke him in the stomach and ooh at him. “I saw her this morning, she was prettyyyy.”

He shoves your finger away and blushes, which you find adorable. Dustin’s first ever crush, you can’t believe how old he is now.

“Yeah, she’s pretty, but she’s also just awesome. I think she’s the one with the new high score on Dig Dug.”

“Dig Dug?”

Your brother scoffs. “The arcade game the party always plays? Honestly, do you not listen when I tell you about my days?”

“Alright, fine. If you can remember what I told you I did yesterday, then I’ll apologize for not listening better.”

Dustin closes his mouth, unable to recall a thing.

“Mhm, that’s what I thought.” You flick his hat. “Anyways, since you officially like girls now, I’ve been dying to give you some girl advice.”

“Y/N–” Dustin groans, but you shush him.

“First things first, always be a gentleman. Max does indeed seem cool, but I’m sure she’d appreciate a nice and polite young man like yourself.”

Dustin nods. “Okay, be kind. Got it.”

“Good. Now secondly, we Hendersons are charming people, so just be yourself.”

“Duh,”

“Lastly, if she shows interest, tell her how you feel. Better you’re honest and true about how you feel rather than hide it and sulk.”

Dustin snorts. “Says you.”

You look away from him, slightly hurt. “I don’t know what you mean by that.”

“C’mon, Y/N. When are you gonna tell Jonathan you love him? I mean, everyone knows you do, it’s about time you confess.” Dustin drones on, unaware of your hurt feelings. “And he’s obviously in love with you, you guys are disgusting to be around–”

“He doesn’t love me back.” You whisper, looking down at your paper. You feel pathetic, confessing this to your little brother.

Dustin freezes, now realizing you’ve gone quiet. He can feel your mood darken and he feels like shit for not noticing it sooner. He’s upset you. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I thought he did, I mean the party and I all assumed…”

His words fade off, and you want to crawl into a hole and never come out. It’s embarrassing, you shouldn’t be pitied like this by your brother. “It’s okay, I know what you meant.”

“Y/N–”

You get up from the table and gather your things, shoving them into your backpack. “I’m gonna finish up this essay in my room, then I promise I’ll start baking those marshmallow puffs you like–”

Dustin jumps down from the table and blocks you from leaving the kitchen. “Jonathan is an ass–”

“Language–”

He doesn’t let you interrupt. “You’re cool, he’s stupid, and I’m here for you. Alright? Don’t make me pull a code blue on you.”

You wrap your brother into your arms, something he hadn’t been expecting, and allow yourself a small laugh. “No need for a code blue, I promise. Just, give me like an hour to sulk and then I’ll be as good as new. Okay?”

When you pull away, Dustin eyes you, but understands he won’t win this argument. The two of you handle your emotions the same way: alone, in solitude, away from prying eyes. He knows you just need some time to yourself, but he still feels like a jerk for upsetting you in the first place. “Fine, but if you’re sulking later I’ll flick your nose.”

You flick his nose and then quickly flee to your room, Dustin not far behind you. “Flicked you first!”

“Not fair!”

You slam your bedroom door and giggle as you lock it. Dustin bangs on the door, but you can hear the amusement in his voice. You tell him you’ll be out as soon as you’re done with your essay, and then go and sit down at your desk. Sighing, you dig into your bag and pull out what you need. Without meaning to, you look up and see your Spider-Man poster, your wonderful Christmas gift from Steve, hanging in front of you.

The small joy you’d been feeling vanishes.

The poster stares back at you, you can almost hear it calling you a pathetic coward, and you feel guilt claw at your throat. You close your eyes, remembering the cold from that winter day, and you can almost smell the cologne Steve had been wearing when you’d thrown yourself into his warmth. Sometimes, if you sit still enough, you think you can feel the ghost of his embrace.

You open your eyes.

Steve isn’t here.

Of course he isn’t here.

You exhale, feeling the familiar ache and exhaustion within you; junior year is looking quite grim.

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#steve harrington x henderson!reader #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #stranger things #steve harrington fanfic #stranger things rewrite #slowburn #angst #wtlws #m's writing #steve: and i took that personally #reader: :(#bless them

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thatflatenedfrogontheroad · 7 months ago

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I made a tier list...

please make your own!! I need to see boomer nations opinions on our man!!!! I know the tiers are actually so vile so change them if you desire :)))

OK so my quick blurb on why they are their!! (working worst to best)

28. Identity Crisis #5 - HE WOULD KILL ME FOR THE FUN OF IT. It did bring about the most random rivalry between Tim drake’s fandom and boomer's which is very funny

27. Black Lantern - Oh no… he's back… like a boomerang. Ate his own son... RIP…. L skill issue

26. Sliver Age - Would actually call me a slur and say that I don't deserve rights. He would hate crime me and then solicit me for sex. He looks like he's wearing a dress… what a pretty lady.

25. Flash TV Show - EWWWWWWWW, he though he ate...

24. DC Online - He looks like he would punch me in face at a NYC bus stop

23. White Lantern - Don't look at me like that… stop. He's back from the dead like a boomerang?? Something about most of the New 52 boomerangs don't hit the same. the bride all in white :’)

22. Young Justice - Gave me the ick. You might be thinking... he looks identical to SS hell to pay, why is he down here?? Great question… HE WAS SO CREEPY TO ONE OF THE GIRLS IN YOUNG JUSTICE….. WHO IS A MINOR!

21. Injustice Movie - Just because your in the background… doesn't save you from this list!!!

20. New 52 - Ok he's kinda hot if you look through your peripherals…Why are you wearing skinny jeans… you millennial

19. Harley Quinn TV Show - He's fine… just fine. “We’ll stack out bingo… Boomer loves an older woman” NO HE MUST LOVE ME! I AM VERY VERY MATURE FOR MY AGE

18. Flash: Sins of the Father - Can you please stop talking in the 3rd person… you are starting to sound crazy.

17. Most Wanted - I know jack shit about him. That's probably because he is barely in a comic issues THATS NAMED AFTER HIM!

16. Flash Point Paradox - His fight scene actually ate. I'm a sucker for Boomer being with the Rogues. If cyborg can take his belt off… so can I

15. Suicide Squad 2021 - Wow they somehow gave him even less lines than his first movie. 1. He doesnt look like boomer. 2. His accent is so bad… and hes AUSTRALIAN 3. His acting low key kinda mid 4. They killed off two of the only OG suicide squad members they had on the cast 5. He dies in the first 20min and in the most disrespectful way

14. Suicide Squad 2016 - The only good thing to come from this man is the fanfiction he brought. THIS FUCKING MOVIE MADE HIM A CANON BRONY WHICH I CAN NOT FORGIVE. GET THIS OUT OF MY SMUT BEFORE FREAK THE FUCK OUT >:( Fuck him and pinky too, you son of a bitch!!!! (its not that serious lol... i just want him to stop fucking a toy horse... please guys)

13. This Goober Alien Guy - I know nothing. He just kinda showed up… and I'm not mad just a little confused. He looks like he needs a hot chocolate and a hug :))))

12. Lego Batman Movie - Low key an icon. What I would do to get my hands on one of these sets… I would come close to killing someone for it

11. DC Lego Super Villains - If he wasn't Lego I would propose (Shane Dawson style) Once again what I would do for the very discontinued Lego set tie in…

10. Batman: Brave and The Bold - Those cheekbones could cut someone. Why are you wear a mini skirt… take it off ;)

9. Suicide Squad (comic) - Yes I know he was drinking and driving but he's not real so it doesn't count!!! The beginning of the Boomer Mobile! THE GAP TOOTH DUDE!

8. Justice League Unlimited S1 - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Ok the hairline is… bad…. But so is mine twin!! I LOVE THAT THEY GAVE HIM PROPER CLOTHES AND NOT RAGS DUDE

7. Agent of Oz - is this picture is my school profile pic...yes… and??HE'S COVERED IN BLOOD AND IM GIGGLING!!!!!!!!!!!

6. Stjepan Sejic's Boomer - Choke hold and choke me... I want to hear his voice but he can't break his mewing streak…The ungodly things I would let him do to me

5. Dark: Apocalypse War - Constantine! Boomer! GIRLS! GIRLS!! ILL SLEEP WITH BOTH OF YOU!!! I was not expecting him in this movie so I started to freak out when he showed up DUDE. PLEASE LET ME SIT ON IT

4. Suicide Squad: Hell to Pay - I'm a ride he wouldn't survive… I DONT HAVE WORDS TO DECRIBE HOW I FEEL DUDE… I WOULD DO ANYTHING HE ASKED FOR NO JOKE. Dead on the floor

3. Justice League Unlimited S2 - The glow up in REAL... had me on my hands and knees as a 3rd grader… and still on my knees today. I have never wanted someone to fuck me in the back alleyway of a shit bar so bad in my life

2. Batman: Assault on Arkham - The one that started it all… he is the reason I am this way. no lube, no protection, all night, all day, from the kitchen floor to the toilet seat, from the dining table to the bedroom BUT GREG ELLIS IS PUBLIC ENIME NUMDER ONE. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!!!!

AND THE BEST ONE!!!!!!!! WE ALL SAW IT COMING

1. Suicide Squad: Kill the Justice League - I AM GNAWING ON THE IRON BARS OF MY ENCLOSURE!!!!!! He has it all, the face, the VOICE, the look, the character!!!!! It is hands down the most consistently good representation of captain boomerang out their… and its canon that's he has a big dick :D I would sell my first born to get one night…

Thank you all for reading this word vom, I am sick in the head <3

if any of the comic issues are off or something please let me know :)

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make your our and tag me!! i need to see them <3<3<3

#captain boomerang #dc villains #digger harkness #george digger harkness #rouges #kill the justice league #captain boomerang x reader

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goodolddumbbanana · 5 months ago

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Sun seems to grow more backbone nowadays. Or, it's just his trauma talking.

I'm kind of disappointed at how Sun and Moon conversation went today with Moon half-ass apologies but then I just noticed some interesting details.

Sun didn't accept Moon's apologies. He just shrugs and stands his ground. He wasn't welcome Moon, he stayed on his guards and literally stayed away from Moon, as far as possible. He didn't even try to entertain Moon when Moon said he needs some aspirin for his headache. If like before, maybe Sun would worry about Moon's health and ask him to sit down or relax... But right now, Sun just talks like he talks to someone he needs to be careful with, or with the customers.

Sun didn't even smile or try to be cheerful at Moon. He didn't call Moon his brother back either. It seems to me like Sun was half dissociated from himself, or for better words, numbing his emotions to deal with Moon's comeback. It feels like he just accepts Moon back and nothing else, because He knows it's not the things he can control, so he just keeps... Bearing anything until he breaks.

And with Monty, I don't think Sun has forgiven Monty yet. When they called, Sun's voice was tired and strained, with a bit annoyed like he just wants Monty to cut to the chase and stop all of their bullshit so He can go back to sleep.

Sun even jokingly threatened Monty, when they imply Sun and Moon would gonna fish fight each other.

Sun before would never talk back to Moon or Monty like that.

He loves Moon. And he kinda likes Monty, (because they helped him a lot and they are the reason why Sun and Moon could separate in the first place.)

So he always takes their teases and sass and just lets it go. But seemingly hiding Old Moon from Sun is the last straw, because right now, Sun sass back at Monty.

For real, right now, I feel like Sun is just pushing buttons. Don't even know it is the sign of passively suicide or He seemingly just want to lure people into hitting him, so he has the reasons to hit them back.

Because despite his star power, Sun is still extremely weak and he cannot use his power because the Astral Bodies have threatened to end their life if he or Moon continue to use Star power.

But Sun still threatens many people. (Puppet, catnap, papyrus,... Every person make Sun piss off)

I don't know if it was a sign of passive suicide (Sun unconscious did that because for real, that poor little new mew doesn't even know he is trauma dumping Amanda...), or because of trauma, so Sun kept repeat triggering situations and putting himself in danger so he could control the situation himself better.

Like a child who was abused as a child, he will constantly put himself in danger, as a way to prove that he is better now and nothing can harm him anymore.

#sun and moon show #tsams #the sun and moon show #sams #tsams sun #sams sun #tsams moon #sams moon #seeing Moon back make me feel something....#i like moon #but he is...

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missmarveledsblog · 2 months ago

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Not just a flower child huh? ( logan howlett x reader ) part 7

summary : stryker is getting more ready while y/n tries and fails to sneak bub into the school , she meets another and past student of the school while logan is sick of feeling like the butt of the jokes.

warning: not many slight angst but not really this is like a filler chapter some fluff pieces , grammatical errors and spelling mistakes

previous part

Failure to an ego that well was too big for the man it belonged to is always a recipe for disaster . especially when the ego was beaten and bruised in every way expected when it was though a different result would happen . a bigger reputation , more power he wanted more than whatever was giving no matter what , no matter who was broken and beaten in the way , he was prepare to lie and manipulate to get what he wanted. By any means necessary it was going to happen . he watched over the tapes as it repurpose his drive to get her back . watched her grow in a sequence of tapes that didn’t make him even flinch , not the way she cried and beg them to stop. He watched each power coming to light after the torture she would subsequently pass out from , watching the wounds he and his men inflicted slowly fading but yet faster than the last time “ progress” it was put down to . Then the tape of that day he watched Her scream , heard their screams the flash distorted in the lense Of the camera the usual vine now glowing , the way the flames took hold , he watched As she cut them like butter each man falling to an agonizing death and seemed as She wasn't stopping the sobs and harrowing Cries almost like a mother who lost her child . It was only when he seen Himself , holding gun to the cage she stopped it was almost Touching if she was human that when she was knocked Out . The fight In her that day died keeping to the cage like the animal she and rest Of mutant scum were .

Amusement laced On his face logan watched Her hide the Little kitten In her top tip toe through the main entrance .

“ y/n dear would you and your new friend come To my office please … i don't mean logan “ charles Passed bye as she sighed.

“ two minutes impressive “ logan chuckled.

“ he is good” she rolled her eyes already thinking of arguments for Bub to stay . Walking Down the hall with the pitiful Fluff ball in her arms as jean And storm passed by giggling .

“ only you would find someone In need” scott ruffled her hair making her glare.

“ im not puppy” she Gruffed.

“ come on sweetheart” logan led Her down the hall as she walked In Holding the little kitten closer to her chest almost pleading with logan to help her .

“ my dear Please come in” charles Smiled.

“ in my defense Is place For the forgotten no , the ones in need?”she blurted out instantly .

“ mutants yes” he chuckled.

“Who i to say bub isn't mutant , he could be very Special kitten” she stood a little taller . “ he Is baby that needs help to” She added.

“ actually my dear i think it a good idea all the same but it not to be a habit” charles Smiled softly.

“ he will die , you wouldn't want him to … wait i can keep him” she stood shocked.

“ jean and storm are going to get what he needs , and scott is Going to get a vet friend that will help check him over , this is only time though” he added .

“ you scared me , you hear that bub you have home” she lifted him up only for little mew to coming out as she headed out of the room ready to show the kids .

“ your getting soft in your old age” logan smirked .

“ she been through too much , it would be good for her” he smiled .

“ yep Definitely soft” he laughed .

“ i think in this case i am , somethings In humanity still have a way of shocking me the low of depravity That poor woman has Suffered an ounce of a soft moment is warranted” he explained , he didn't lie ,when he thought He'd Seen it all and yet once more it all Was nothing Compared to the atrocities he had seen her deal with on a daily basis .

She sat watching a man well she thinks a man the blue Fur covered him head to toe as she watched Him closely Checking over the kitten.

“ you are a funny vet” she finally spoke.

“ you must be Y/n , name is hank mccoy im not a vet but i am able to check him over one beast To another” he chuckled holding his hand out .

“what beasts” she asked looking around the room honestly curious it was oddly endearing , it wasn't a show Or a facade she was genuinely curious .

“ he means him and bub , his name is beast like mine is wolverine” logan explained.

“ i've met beast he is not one” her head tilted.

“ and you my new friend are a breath of fresh air , lets dry him off now ” hank chuckled.

“ i can do that” she nodded waiting for him to move to the side hold Her hand letting The air not so heavy Cast over The kitten making him fluffier.

“ remarkable” hank whispered.

“ she Like a box Of gifts” logan smirked .

“ he only says that when i ice his beer” she rolled her eyes ready to take the kitten to show the kids . “ or fire up the pit or cigars ” she added.

“ have they began your training ?” Hank asked .

“ training? “ she turned brows furrowed.

“ she not here for that furball , he thought you would be xmen” logan explained.

“ im not hero material” she laughed understanding Walking out The lab .

“ she humble huh?” He chuckled .

“ no she just thinks she a monster think we all can relate to that feeling” Logan stood watching where she once Stood only moment before .

“ i never though i would see this” hank stood . “ seen what” .

“ the great wolverine in love” he patted his Back .

“ have i not Shown time and time again im not made of stone you know start sick of you all like im an emotionless Asshole” he huffed . “ let me guess it was a joke huh?” He stormed off sick and tired.

yeah he was rough Around the edge not a suck upike summers but hes proved time and time again he cares , he has feeling just like rest of em . sure he doesn’t show Them often but he's let himself get vulnerable enough to get message across or so he thought did they really Think So low of him.

“ whats His Name” the little voice called only turn to see y/n crouched all kids not just her own standing around .

“ bub , he named after good man , yes he grumpy but big heart “ she smiled . “ now i best get him to my room for nap but will bring him out Later ok” she stood cradling the kitten to her chest .

“ seem she share Same sentiment we all do” charles seemed to Always had to appear .

“ could of fooled me” he scoffed.

“ you know we care deeply for you logan” .

“ then why does feel like im the butt Of every joke” he asked heading off once more . Walking down the hall already hearing her voice like his ear alway pick hers in a sea of noise . he could of been in the crowd of a metal concert and he would hear her sweet melody filled voice like she was talking directly in his ear . he could tell she was singing , what he couldn’t tell but he had a feeling it was a song her grandmother sang to her . he walking more quietly watching she was singing to the kitten rubbing it’s head as it lay on her bed. Never in his life did logan ever find himself actually wishing he was a “ kitty” . the softness of the touch on the fur , the pure smile on her face as she watched bubs little eyes closing til she went to turn and see logan standing at the open door.

“ how long were you standing there” she sat up properly.

“ to hear you singing the lullaby to a cat” he smirked.

“ he’s a baby cat or not , i sang it to the kids too used to get them to sleep maya really loved it” she smiled watching the kittens steady breathing.

“ maya?” he asked confused .

“ she was one of the children that did not make it “ she barely whispered .

“ i’m sure bub loves it too although i’d say anyone would “ he came more into the room .

“ maybe i should sing it to you , maybe you sleep” she blinked innocently at him .

“ here's me thinking you liked my company at night” he arched his brow.

“ i like your company all the time” she smiled , a genuinely honesty to her words .

“ well least someone does” he sat at the desk looking down to see the books she had trying to learn to read english , she could speak it almost fluently but reading it still seemed to be a challenge.

“ i like your company too sweetheart , tomorrow we are continuing our walk around the park i’m sure we have lots ready to watch bub”.

“ you know family is what they treat you , family teasing i say my brother is mainly the brawn and no brain , same way they tease you don’t think badly” she finally said.

“ reading my thoughts ?” he asked hoping she didn’t and see it all .

“ i don’t need to read it , i heard you and as you call him hot wheels .. i was being nosey” she shrugged .

“ yeah well nosey what else did you hear?” he asked almost nervously.

“ just you giving out , but they do see you as family , they joke but they care “ she smiled eyes turning to the kitten .

“ you’re something you know that , how are you this nice after everything” .

“ because i know what the other side is like” .

“ well i better get going sweetheart i’ll see you later i have to go to the simulation room” he stood feeling less upset and more himself which again she seem to bring out of him so easily out of him . it honestly at the start scared the shit out of him and yet in her true fashion she was able to quell that fear instantly she was even able to get him to sleep better after their midnight time together.

“ simulation room ? how many rooms does this place have” she asked almost slightly shocked .

“ i mean the professor added more each time it was blown up but hey it gives it character” he walked out the room .

“ blown up hey come back here .. what do you mean blown up” she called after only to hear a small laugh travel up the hall .

Maybe he could run , get out of here and warn her then again it wasn’t just him at risk. If he left here well his family would suffer too , stryker made sure they had everything to lose that’s why his risk wasn’t just something he thought of on a whim it could of had dire consequences . but something told him how his family would see it all , his wife honestly he couldn’t tel her .yet he knew if she did know she would of told him do the same , she hated he worked for stryker , she hated how the whole anti-mutant agenda and it sickened him that why he took the job. He had his own reasons to hate them but even the mutant he hated most subjected to what he watched test subject 0224 or by her name y/n rasputin . no one knew she was a family of an xmen , stryker kept that information to himself til when she was in the cage first she told them all how her brother was a man of metal and steel who would come and save her , that they would all pay. More and more he slowly felt the guilt creep in , his views on mutants slowly changed this little girl at the time showed him they weren’t all monsters , destructive murdering animals he thought they were . but he had a job to do and over time that job was becoming more meaningless especially when they brought more children he saw first hand how she protected them , how she made sure nothing could get close and yet in a way she made sure she never actually hurt anyone even the ones who hurt her. DR. Thompson wasn’t there when the dreaded day happened but he seen how she was after it , nothing they could do to her physically made her look more in distress or in despair as when he saw her after it . everything this woman was made to endure well it had it’s ending point and that risk to get her out well it was worth it all and for once he needed to do the right thing . now he was praying on strykers downfall watching as they packed up the old lab ready to move to a more secure area , one he seen no escape from if she was caught again . maybe another risk was needed as he looked down at the plane ticket for new york .

part 8

taglist: @oscarissac2099 @ayamenimthiriel @mega-kittyglitter-1

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taliskermortem · 1 year ago

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so the top/mew sex scene? fascinating. they made so many choices regarding it and i'm honestly intrigued.

((this got way too long so i'm putting it under the cut))

the first thing i noticed was how their scene had almost no noise. it was dead quiet. and the lighting felt almost clinical.

now in comparison to some of the other sex scenes we've seen so far it was... pretty tame. which is fine. but we basically didn't see any of the 'sex'. we got the kissing. and we got the afterglow cuddles. and on top of that... there was no passion.

but let's start from the beginning.

'does this mean i passed your test?' a relationship shouldn't a test. and i think it says a lot about top that that is how he views it. its a challenge. a competition. maybe even a distraction. this has been his goal: get mew to have sex with him. and he's succeeded. but what happens now?

now in comparison to the first time, in episode 1 when they make out in mew's kitchen there are some noticable differences. firstly, their kiss is much more intense. now you can write this off as this kiss being sweet and romantic but... there is so much space between their bodies when they kiss. the only points of contact are their lips and top's hand on the back of mew's head.

then they undress themselves. not each other. top just strips and mew follows suit. the first time, top at least takes mew's shirt off for him. this time he barely touches mew. there's no romantically revealing each other. which is interesting because the first thing top says is: can you see me? can you see what top has revealed to mew. not what mew revealed himself. and mew is all of course i can because he really seems to think he does. but anyway. they're still not even touching.

and then

and THEN

i love you mew

like my dude where did that come from what a line you really just went in for the final kill didn't you. he's serving himself up to you already and you just had to make sure there was nothing left.

and then they are in their boxers kissing. and there is still so much SPACE.

and then top puts mew down on the sofa. now i'm not being funny but there is literally a perfectly functioning massive bed RIGHT THERE. but whatever. who wants comfort? who wants space? who doesnt want to accidentally fall onto the floor? i digress.

they're touching now. finally. but mew is just kind of lying there whilst top does the touching. which, sure, shy virgin. i'll let it slide. hands still above the waist. boxers still on-

afterglow cuddles.

...

that's literally it.

bearing in mind we have seen boston bouncing on this guy's dick.

bearing in mind this is pratically the premise of the show. this is the set up from the very first episode. this is what mew and top have been building up to ever since they met.

and that's it.

anticlimatic.

which... huh, maybe that's the whole point.

this was supposed to be anticlimatic for us because it was for them. because they had both been building up and building up to this and maybe it didn't quite live up to the ideals they both had in their heads.

or maybe its anticlimatic because there's no real feeling. all the other pairings have given us emotions. even if it's one sided pining. even if there's no romantic feels yet, you can feel the potential. you can feel the desire. mew and top's scene was the least passionate of any of the sex scenes. and you could write it off as being sweet and romantic rather than horny. but i don't buy that. i don't feel that.

maybe this is how it always is for top. maybe this was exactly what mew was expecting because he seemed pretty content afterwards, with his i love you and that saccharine smile of his. maybe he doesn't know any better. maybe neither of them do.

but when juxtaposed with the sand and ray scene that follows straight afterwards... those two just have to look at each other and you know they want each other. they kiss and they're both grabbing for each other. sand moves his whole body to be closer. and they're both still fully dressed but i'll be damned if there isn't more feeling packed into that one kiss than into the whole of top and mew's scene.

i just find it interesting that something that was so pivotal to the story. to the characters. was so utterly bland.

and i think it's a very important message to be honest - you can't force romance. you can play by the whole book, follow all the right steps, say all the right lines... but you can't put feelings in where there are none. you can't make passion and love from a prewritten recipe. life is messy. and love is messy. and sex is messy. and trying to keep it neat and ordered and clean, like mew does, just doesn't work.

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twig-tea · 1 year ago

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Only Friends Ep 6 Scene By Scene

This is the episode we've all been waiting for. It's the first episode where everyone is objectively a bit of an asshole; it's the first episode where truths are finally talked about, it's the episode that starts to answer two of my most burning questions (what is Boston's home life like, and where is April?), and interestingly it's the first episode we get without any obvious narrative framing or character perspective.

It was so interesting, as the clear pivot point of the story, that there was no obvious framework this ep, but this entire episode was parallels and callbacks and hypocrisy/relying on viewer knowledge to understand all of the subcurrents. I have so many thoughts that I'm talking about each scene so this post is LONG.

First scene: Top and Mew by the pool. Not enough people are giving Force and Book credit for keeping the awkward tension between these two even though they are having textbook cute moments, because these characters still don't trust one another and this scene establishes that before the rest of the episode blows them up: Mew says he's not sure they'll be together in 3 months, explicitly calling out the fragility of their relationship; and Top gets defensive at Mew insinuating he doesn't need a relationship and doesn't trust that they'll stay together, and straight-up lies that he's stopped doing drugs and having casual sex [though I do wonder how much he believes it's a lie because he's clearly cut back from his usual, and when someone does something all the time changing to doing it rarely does feel like not a big deal in comparison] and asks what else about himself he needs to change for Mew [all, by the way, while Mew is preparing to undergo permanent surgery to his eyes for Top]. We also get this called back later in the ep when Mew tells Ray to quit drugs and Ray says sure, and I have to wonder how many times that exchange has happened and if it's partly why Mew is suspicious of Top's "easy" change. Also interesting that Mew seems to be one of the only people in this friend group who has two parents (his moms) that care about him and who also have a good relationship with each other. Mew's point that he doesn't need fulfillment from a relationship because he gets it from his friends and family is interesting; especially given his friends. [Sidenote: This is basically how I feel about my own life so I am curious how other people read this assertion.] The ephemeral change of sleeping around and doing drugs vs the physical and permanent change of Lasik is really standing out to me this scene as significant.

Second scene: the meeting with the professor. It's interesting that even though they're presenting, they're the ones sitting down. Cheum says they can keep personal and professional lives separate and Ray turns to stare directly at Boston. I love that this is even before anyone else knew that the Boston/Top hookup was at the soft launch party for the hostel. Also noting Cheum's catty comment about even Boston helping; this girl is so much messier than people give her credit for [just saw @lurkingshan 's breakdown of this episode as I continue to update this post and yessssss call her out!!]

Third scene: noodles. This is I think the same place they planned the soft launch party. I'm seeing parallels with everyone pressuring Boston to date Nick to everyone pressuring Mew to sleep with Top in the first ep. Also, interesting that Cheum promises to behave this time [and then definitely doesn't]. We've all (or at least I have) been wondering where April is and now we get some explanation. I do wish they'd established this as more of a pattern for Cheum to complain like this, but I'll take it as setup now. The way Ray and his seething is invisible in this scene has been covered beautifully here [by @poetry-protest-pornography and @respectthepetty ].

Fourth scene: Ton and Nick wakeboarding. The parallels here to Top/Mew are twofold: we get the similar sitting by the water parallel from earlier this episode, in which there is a clear undercurrent of hypocrisy between what the characters are saying and what the audience knows about them (that conversation with/about Gap was so good, with the tension in Nick knowing he still has that audio clip and still hasn't deleted it as Boston berates Gap for the same thing), and then there is the contrasting parallel to when Mew took Top wakeboarding for the first time with the rest of his friend group. In contrast, Ton took Nick here alone, clearly still trying to play this game of not dating Nick but doing things with him that they would do if they were dating, that send extremely mixed signals. This scene again underscores the fragility of the relationship Boston and Nick have and how easily it can be broken.

Fifth scene: The hospital. Sand and his mom, in which we see how used he is to taking care of someone who is a bit of a mess [affectionate], and how he can still only be somewhat honest with his mom about his relationship with Ray (more than we'd expect between a 20something and their mom, but less than we the audience know is the truth--they're just having fun but it's not what he wants). And then the confrontation between Top and Sand. Top characterizes his relationship with Mew as "I get what I want" and I have to wonder how much of that is posturing to annoy Sand and how much of it is honesty. I did also think that maybe he meant it when he said "I hope you get what you want soon" because he wants Ray's attention away from Mew.

Sixth scene [start of part 2]: Sand intentionally drops and stomps on his phone to have an excuse to borrow Nick's so he can steal the sex audio. This is the first time that Sand consciously does something shitty to one of his friends, and I am living for it--let good characters make bad decisions! The parallel here is of course to Boston getting his phone fixed by Nick and having Nick steal his photo and adding one of his own from the beginning of the series; also a small one of Sand using his mom as an excuse to lie to his friend, the way Top used his dad as an excuse to lie to Mew the night he slept with Boston [not a comparison Sand would like, which is why I enjoy it]. I love that we see Nick get worried at the end of this scene because he's a phone tech and of course would know to check what Sand did with his phone.

Seventh scene: Top taking care of Mew after Lasik; this is maybe the least tense scene between Mew and Top, and the fact that Mew can barely see and is drugged for it is on point. I do also like that Top isn't great at caretaking but he is trying. This scene reminds me of Mew taking care of Ray and vice versa, especially the latter when Ray kisses Mew while he's sleeping and how that's contrasted with Top (Mew's boyfriend) only kissing Mew's forehead when he realizes he's asleep. The sketches that Top does are also really interesting, and how they hit Mew later is even more fascinating. The conversation they have in which Mew establishes that this is all happening right after they've had penetrative sex for the first time (so not long after ep 5) and makes clear he's still nervous about his performance and then credits Boston for their relationship, setting everything up for later, is just so good, it underscores the importance Mew has been putting on his virginity and sets the betrayal up to hit harder. I love how Top pushes back on giving Ton credit for their relationship here because it makes him so uncomfortable.

Eighth scene: Sand calls Ray out to play the stolen clip for him. This feels like a parallel to Boston calling Top out to play the video of Mew and Ray kissing. Other folks [ @xceanlynx and @respectthepetty linked here] have pointed out that in this scene Sand is choosing his hatred of Top over his potential relationship with Ray here, which I don't disagree with, but also what occurred to me here because of this parallel is the similarity in that both Sand and Boston seem to be motivated by their jealousy of Mew in these scenes too. I also just can't stop thinking about how wild it is that everyone recognizes Top and Ton by their sex noises alone.

Ninth scene: Boston and Nick with Boston's dad. We finally get some background for Boston and he clarifies he's always been planning to bail on Thailand to go to New York. It's interesting that it's made explicit that if Boston fails he's more likely to go to New York sooner, especially after the warning their teacher gave about the hostel project and how we know it's Boston's drama that is threatening to blow that project up. Boston's conversation with his dad is a contrast with Sand and his mom earlier; while Sand sleeping around was not judged by his mom, she did warn him about his feelings, while Boston's dad seemed to celebrate his callousness. The way Boston continues to ask Nick to not be dramatic while stirring up constant drama in his own friend group, and his insistence that his relationship with Nick is special but not a relationship is really something. Also that this convo takes place in Boston's dark room, which gets called out later as one of his regular hookup locations, and where Nick first got suspicious about Boston and Top, is interesting, especially in the context of permanent physical photos vs digital recordings that you can't necessarily erase vs how gossamer thin their relationship security is, and how tied up in voyeurism all of these things are.

Tenth scene [start of part 3]: Ray confronts Boston at the hostel (blatantly running contrast to "we can keep personal and professional lives separate"). We see Boston nervous here when first being confronted before he decides what approach to take with Ray to keep his mouth shut (not for the first time; we saw him nervous in the showers when he first tried to get Top to have sex). Also, I just have to say, respect to Ray for going to Boston first to confirm it's true before deciding what to do with the clip.

Eleventh scene: the birthday party at Yo's bar. It's poetic that the start and end of the Mew/Top relationship is because of conversations at Yolo. Once again, the spectre of failing school [because of the project] comes up in Mew's birthday wish. Cheum immediately breaks her promise to be "good" and teases Boston about Nick. She also says "everyone is dating someone now", apparently forgetting entirely about Ray. This entire conversation was so passive aggressive and @lurkingshan 's post (linked above) breaks it down really well. I am fascinated by Mew's reaction to Top's gift; I hope we get more insight into that because he seemed legitimately shaken, and it didn't seem to be positive. Also highlighting that once again Boston is credited for their relationship (this time by Cheum), and both Boston and Top seem deeply uncomfortable with it but Top doesn't argue it this time.

Twelfth scene: Ray and Mew in the bathroom. I already mentioned Ray's promise to quit and how it parallels Top "quitting for Mew" at the start of the ep; Mew is expressing care for Ray here but in a way that is distant and frankly a bit callous (to say "you'll be dead by thirty" to a guy who was/is suicidal is not the smartest approach even if it isn't intentionally referencing that). He insists that Ray not drive home but doesn't take his keys or stay with him to make sure he does actually get a ride, which is admittedly a big ask on your own birthday but just indicates the intentional boundaries Mew tries to set with Ray about not caring too much, I think. I don't think this makes him a terrible person, but it makes him not a great friend. This is in contrast to Sand, who stayed with Ray and made sure he would not drive before he even knew him, and followed him at the end of this ep to make sure he would not hurt himself or someone else even after Ray pushed him away.

Cursed thirteenth scene: Ray blows everything up [ shoutout to @liyazaki for this perfect post]. First, the same song is playing as the silent disco, calling back how Top's fate was sealed before Mew and Top had even gotten very far. And then once again, Sand's band is interrupted so that someone can take the mic, just as Top did when he asked out Mew for the first time. Mew calls out Cheum and April for their less than perfect relationship despite what it seems on the surface and more specifically calls out Cheum for being a bit of an asshole actually, mentions that Boston is a gossip about his hookups (which is not actually something we've seen evidence of, and I'm interested in how true it is), tells Nick he's not special, tries to explain to Mew that he (Ray) is not who Boston thinks he is and didn't share the clip with Mew to get him for himself [only knowable on rewatch of course]. Cheum finally admits that she fully knew Ray was in love with Mew this whole time and has just been ignoring it/pretending not to [vindication!!] and accuses Mew of exactly what he was trying to deny. Top finally acts his nastiest self in front of Mew, putting his arm around Mew's shoulder and claiming ownership for the second time this party in Ray's face (first time was when Yo joked that she wanted to go out with Mew now that the glasses were gone). Sand can't get Ray to stop, and Ray tries to shame Sand needing money by implying he should have sex with Ray for money. Ray goes after Boston, and Mew can't get Ray to shut up either so he hits him (even knowing why Ray is acting like this; and that's my favourite part of this entire episode, that Mew has decided he wants his moment to confront Top his way, once again using sex to control his feelings--this time to make him humiliated rather than fall in love--and he's willing to punch his friend to get his moment, and I am obsessed).

Fourteen: Only Sand goes after Ray, once again the only one actively trying to stop him from killing himself or someone else on the road. Sand snaps and yells at Ray to pay attention to him, Ray's "what are we to each other?" comes off as desperate rather than accusing, which I love--the question of what they are to one another has come up so many times and neither is willing to admit they want to be more first. Ray again calls Sand a whore this time explicitly, and drives off. Sand follows Ray. This is a beautiful parallel to the first time Sand took Ray home. Like every other couple scene this episode, the tenuousness of their connection is highlighted and even threatened in this scene, but Sand doubles down.

Fifteen: April and Cheum finally have a scene. They reconcile, but (like all of the couples) it feels tenuous. April asks that Cheum not lie to her just to avoid conflict, and Cheum promises to do that--but I am fully expecting this to not last. Since we know Cheum knew Ray was in love with Mew this whole time, it's confirmed that her lying or just glossing over reality to keep things easy is her personality not just something she does with her girlfriend's films.

Sixteen: the scene that we've all been waiting for. This was such a good fake-out, and it's the start of Mew's unhinged era he promised us all at the start of Top's pursuit of Mew. The way he set the stage, prepared a script, and as best I can figure out, TIMED A REMIX OF THE SEX AUDIO TO HIS SEDUCTION is absolutely sending me. Being more sexually confident, initiating sex and holding Top down, and making sure he could see Top's face when he realized what was happening, whew boy what a set-up. I am thinking about how much of that was him wanting Top to feel tricked and violated the way he felt tricked and violated. I also love Mew jumping to the conclusion that Boston and Top planned this and were laughing at him because that's a) indicative of something Mew would do, clearly; b) totally something people think when they're embarrassed, they assume everyone else knows and is laughing at them; c) not totally wrong because Boston did make fun of Mew's lack of experience to Top (shoutout to the YouTube comments for the reminder).

And that last sentence of the episode deserves its own paragraph because it just so perfectly encapsulates exactly where Mew went wrong in his thinking from the start: "I wasn't good enough for you to love only me"... As though other people's behaviour is controlled by your goodness and earned through your own behaviour. As though love and sex are value judgments. As though the world is fair. As though goodness is an objective judgment that allows you to control the people around you. This thinking is so harmful and so pervasive. It's really a sign of Mew's desperate need to be in control (in this version of events, even Top having sex with Boston is actually Mew's doing, which means in theory Mew could prevent it from happening again if he betters himself). And it confirms what we all suspected Mew's been trying to do this whole time: Manipulate Top into changing into a "better person" [read: monogamous and drug-free] through his own behaviour.

I also noticed that almost every camera shot in this entire episode was close faces and there was a lot of hand-held camera work. Intimacy, instability, lack of clarity, all of these things were coming through the way it was shot.

Ahdhsh tumblr keeps eating parts of this so I'm going to stop. But whew this episode just gave and gave!!

@ranchthoughts @slayerkitty @wen-kexing-apologist @neuroticbookworm @waitmyturtles @lurkingshan @distant-screaming @chickenstrangers @clara-maybe-ontheroad

Tagging the ephemerality squad because if any of you pick up on any of these threads and parallels and tie them into your meta I want to know about it! Tumblr is showing me only like half of what people are posting these days and unfollowing people without my consent so pls tag me

#only friends the series #only friends meta #only friends #ofts meta #ofts #ephemerality squad #bl meta #typed so i can stop thinking it #going to also use my relevant tags #let a main character be hot in glasses for the whole show you cowards!!!#no character should be perfect this is my ultimate agenda

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bird-inacage · 1 year ago

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Only Friends: Why Ray will continue to inevitably hurt Sand

Episode 3 was just the first of many instances where Ray will hurt Sand. This is just the beginning folks.

Ray's Persuasive Teasing vs Sand's Defenceless Sincerity

By Ray's own admission, he likes teasing Sand to get a rise out of him. He finds Sand's "stupid" (aka sincere/honest) reactions endearing or amusing. A word of caution that what he says can't always be taken on face value. Flirting to him doesn't necessarily imply romantic intent.

Whilst Sand is helplessly sincere (sometimes to his own detriment). He approaches things with the gravity he feels they deserve, which could explain why he doesn't sleep with anyone who isn't his lover more than once. He prefers to keep a clear distinction between a hook-up, friends or lovers.

For all intents and purposes, Sand is trying to keep things pretty cut and dry with Ray. If friends is what they've agreed to be, he'll adhere to that. Yet it's Ray whose initiating in most cases and muddying the waters. Because Sand's defences against Ray are fairly non-existent, he's easily swayed against his better judgement to engage in behaviour that blurs those lines. Sand is weak to Ray's flirting because it's a form of flattery. It gives the illusion of being desired, of being needed. That's an easy thing for anyone to fall prey to.

As long as Sand allows himself to be under Ray's persuasion, he's in prime position to get hurt. His concessions permit Ray to continue taking the lead and dictating the terms. This will make it even harder for him to fight for what he wants when it comes down to it.

'I'm not like your other friends'

Sand makes a point of highlighting this. 'If I'm supposedly just your friend, then what are we doing? This isn't what friends do. And you certainly don't treat your other friends this way. So 'fess up, what does that make me?' Ray conveniently skirts around the question, because truthfully, I don't think he has any idea. Not yet anyway. He hasn't bothered to confront 'the why'.

Ray exhibits an avoidant personality type. Possibly due to his mother's death (repression) or due to his crush on Mew (unrequited). He chooses to go with the flow. He acts on impulse. He seems intent on numbing or distracting himself from thinking too much. You could even say this is ignorance by choice. Ray is either knowingly or unconsciously avoiding what this may imply. (Which will relate to the next point). All he's openly acknowledged is that Sand is "fun to talk to", while glossing over mutual attraction under the terms of their so called 'friendship'. As Mew points out - Ray is lonely. Whether he's seeking out Sand specifically or he's just seeking out company in general, isn't something Ray has determined yet.

With this in mind, Ray doesn't mean to hurt Sand with intent, but it's often a consequence of poor judgement. Ray may be a mess but he's shown to at least take his friendships seriously. He apologises when at fault. He knows when to recognise a gesture in good faith, and to return the favour. When he notices Sand is upset or hurt, he looks guilty. He has a conscience. He at least knows Sand doesn't deserve to be hurt by him.

Ray's crush on Mew

This is arguably the biggest reason Ray is blindsided. Until he's able to let go or move on from his crush, he can't face or welcome Sand's feelings. Ray can easily flirt and tease in the name of harmless fun because it doesn't mean anything, right? Why? Because he has already reserved those feelings for someone else. But Sand doesn't know this. He has no idea why Ray is emotionally unavailable to him.

Ray is predisposed to put Mew first. His loyalty to Mew will win out when pitted against Sand. There is every possibility that Ray is stubbornly holding onto his crush out of habit. He vehemently denies anything is going on between him and Sand, almost in a bid to convince himself he can't possibly like anyone more than he likes Mew. But why? Why close yourself off to other good things that may come your way?

The fear of loss. People can be compelled to stick to something despite knowing it's outcome, because the alternative is unknown. Ray has already accepted Mew's rejection of him. He's had time to familiarise himself with it. At least he knows where he stands. Despite not returning his romantic feelings, Mew still cares immensely for him as a friend. Ray highly cherishes that. He's very grateful that Mew is still a part of his life. Tackling a new relationship means subjecting yourself to the fear of rejection yet again and by extension the fear of loss. When Mew comments that Sand seems to be interested in Ray back, he only says "yeah?" vaguely, almost dismissively - as if he's determined not to entertain the idea.

By choosing to honour his feelings for Mew, anything that happens with Sand must and has to fall under the umbrella of 'friendship' by default. When Sand says "You're happy. I'm happy. We don't develop it", Ray suddenly looks uneasy, and follows that with "but I still want to talk to you". He seems worried that Sand might distance himself. He doesn't want to lose this connection but isn't prepared to jeopardise things with Mew. He's visibly relieved (but lucky) that Sand is happy with this arrangement. For now.

The issue comes when this is no longer okay with Sand. If and when the lines continue to get increasingly blurred or their feelings become too great to ignore, Ray will be forced to make a choice. Mew or Sand. It can't be both. Making a choice often means closing the door on the other. If Ray insists on holding onto the claim that they're just friends, that's going to read as flagrant denial or careless deception in Sand's eyes. One is Ray running away and refusing to confront his feelings, the other is actively misleading Sand to think there could be more when he didn't plan to drop his feelings for Mew.

Sand's burden of responsibility

When Sand says "I don't have the right to be upset with you," he's reminding himself that he shouldn't be hurt by Ray passing him up for another friend. Sand can't help feeling disappointed but he's also embarrassed by this fact - for getting his hopes up, for thinking Ray's 'special treatment' of him sets him apart. Sand was willing to stay in his lane. So whenever Ray starts to instigate physical intimacy, it sends Sand's rationale to go momentarily out the window.

The other reason why Sand is going to get hurt is due to his moral code. He's likely to take responsibility or blame for his part in this very personally. For enabling things to happen and develop when he should have put a stop to it for his own good. 'I should have known better', 'I should have seen this coming', 'I didn't control myself'.

Note: Man, was Episode 3 an absolute doozie. I'm still trying to make sense of everything that happened. I have had so many thoughts and it's been really difficult trying to pick apart everything.

#only friends #only friends the series #ofts #only friends meta #ray x sand #sand x ray #raysan #sandray #firstkhao #khaofirst #khaotung thanawat #first kanaphan #are they both in the early stages of denial?#YUP

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waitmyturtles · 1 year ago

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This post was making its way around last night, about how viewers could/should recognize when female characters in dramas are written by men, and how we as viewers can rejigger our minds around how we then see and interpret these female characters. I'm thinking of Cheum in Only Friends, and how she's been written by an all-male and all-queer team of writers.

Somewhat separately, I'm noting a reblog from my OF Sunday meta by @fromthedepthsandbeyond about how Thai audiences vs. international audiences are receiving Cheum. Holding myself accountable: in my original post that I just linked, I chunked up the deuces on Cheum (and I do still hope April dumps Cheum's ass).

But I gotta ponder what it means that an all-male team wrote Cheum. And as well, I gotta think about what it means for me to interpret a female character in a drama, generally speaking.

What are my implicit biases towards a female character to hold people around her accountable? To hold her brother accountable for making false rape claims against Boston? To hold herself accountable for calling Boston a slut and making judgements against his sexual predictions? To hold herself accountable for continuing to suggest to Mew that he date Top, because Top is top-tier?

What are my implicit biases that a female character in a drama would be written to transcend above the bullshit she is witnessing, to be a cipher of macro-level sensibility and to cut through everyone else's bullshit to speak on the truth of their shenanigans?

What are my implicit and/or explicit expectations that the older sister of a younger brother who lied about rape claims would hold that younger sibling accountable for his falsehoods?

I just wrote on a reblog from @ranchthoughts, as we head towards Saturday's finale, about my giving these characters the space and grace to be imperfect twentysomethings, and I think this ties into how I need to possibly adjust what in the heck is going on with Cheum. And I note that especially from @fromthedepthsandbeyond's thoughts on Thai vs. international interpretations of Cheum.

Could I generalize a Thai interpretation on Cheum as: Cheum is doing the best she can in what we assume to be a Thai/Asian society that still holds in expectation certain roles of peacekeeping that a female should uphold?

I might be able to safely make that assumption, with sensitivity to overgeneralization. (I've been thinking a lot about sexism in Asian families vis à vis my re-watch and re-rewatch of Bad Buddy lately -- and how Pat's traditional Thai-Chinese family upholds lingering notions of sexism towards Pat's younger sister, Pa.)

And could I generalize an international interpretation on Cheum as: we have made so much progress on women's equality, that Cheum should feel free to burn all these assholes down to ash for their inconsistencies and/or lies?

I think there's a tension there, in the interpretive lenses, that I'm playing around with, as I think about getting more open and accountable towards my biases of what I might expect out of a character like Cheum that was written by men.

I don't know, I'm feeling unsettled by this, because in a way, I want to know what Cheum, as a fictional storytelling device, was meant to achieve by way of her placement in the Only Friends story and script. She has extreme judgement against Boston, for instance, and.... I don't know where that judgement stems from, what it means.

Does it mean that guys (like Jojo and the OF team) assume that all women judge sex? I can't think that that's it, considering Jojo's past works, but... I don't know.

So, yeah. I'm struggling with this and pondering it. How do I relate to Cheum now that I'm thinking about her as written as a fictional narrative device by guys? Oof. I wonder if I should have recalibrated my expectations all along.

---

P.S. I think this also touches on a thought I had a few weeks ago about implicit biases towards lesbians -- that a lesbian couple like Mew's moms could be wiser, sharper, and more attuned to their son's implicit angst towards Top; when clearly, when they first met Top, they weren't, at all. I thought that was a brilliant spin by the OF team on biases that we may have about lesbian couples, and what that meant for commentary about the general aloofness of Asian parents in fiction.

#only friends the series #only friends #only friends meta #lookjun bhasidi #cheum x april #april x cheum #what does cheum mean as a female character that was written by men

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bengiyo · 1 year ago

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Only Friends Ep 12 (Finale) Stray Thoughts

Last week, Atom admitted to Cheum that he lied about Boston, and then Cheum reassured her brother and not once did she apologize to Boston for what she did or said to him. Ray and Sand started their boyfriend era, but Sand is pathetic and wants to give it up for Boeing. Mew and Top are back together, and Mew is still sorting out how he's doing to manage his sense of embarrassment and betrayal about everything that happened. Nick and Boston destroyed Atom together (not sexily) and Boston offered for them to be boyfriends until New York in the only couple showing anything resembling grace. Also, Yo and Plug got back together.

"Begin Again"

We finally got to have the threesome and Sand bailed.

Ray isn't wrong here! Sand does need to make a choice if he doesn't want to be with both of them.

Why does Top need to apologize to Sand about Boeing? FUCK THAT!!!

That was a lame apology, Cheum. Also, Boston, you do not need these fickle hypocrites for friends.

Reminder that Sand spread revenge porn about Top around, so I think we're even.

Did he just call roller-blading a vintage sport? How dare they

Boston is wearing a Faith, Hope, Love shirt.

Oh, Sand, pathetic until the very end.

I get wanting to cut down on group strife, but Top and Ray do not need to be friends.

Suddenly these hoes acting like they give a shit about each other? Mew is just here so he can be right about Ray needing to quit drinking and be monogamous with someone else.

Sand just called himself a dog? Not a slay.

Boeing and Boston? Mond scored almost every boy in this show!

I'm still with Boston here. He only offers closeness to Nick.

Here the two losers go again.

No one can go lower than Sand, so his advice is useless.

I'm so over this room full of assholes acting morally superior to Boston.

This group of people should not be playing truth or dare.

Well well well First adds yet another boy to his counter.

I hate that Mew asked Nick about his future just to dig at Boston AGAIN.

Ah, so this was for appearances for Cheum.

I did want Nick and Boston to break up, but not like this.

I did not read Mew as ready all the time, but okay I guess.

Is this fire to affirm that he wasn't lying about the story from earlier?

Oh lord I do not want Sand and Ray going into business together.

Suddenly Mix planning to cause problems.

Well that was... stupid.

Final Verdict: 7.5, I Had Fun, But It Has Problems. I'm not a fan of the final episode focusing on slut shaming Boston. I don't get why the other couples think of themselves as so superior to Boston. We spent an hour and 12 minutes taking a weird victory lap over Boston's apparent defeat. This is just so shitty. What a milquetoast way to end this. I would have rated this higher because I had fun for a lot of this, but the final two episodes pushing so hard for these hoes to end up monogamous only to end on a weird tag with the sultriest man who exists as GMMTV is so lame.

#only friends the series #only friends meta #thai bl #bl series #Ben watches

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lotusparadisaea · 1 year ago

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I keep thinking about how Only Friends would've benefited from a longer run-time and how some specific things of the show could've been handled a lot better if that were the case so I'm writing them down to have them all out there.

Giving Top a personality.

I think one of my many grievances with the show (despite the fact that I like it a lot) it’s the fact that unlike other characters, Top doesn’t seem to have much development outside of his relationship with Mew. We get to learn a little about all these characters episode from episode, yet all we know about Top are throwaway things that are almost never mentioned again or instantly resolved, or don’t carry throughout the show.

For example, his drug use. We learn about his drug use and apparently, it’s immediately resolved once Mew offers to sleep with him to make him stop. He can, it seems, stop cold turkey. Although he seems to be a very “sentimental” user (he talks about being high when he’s alone or to have fun). This is never brought up again, not even when Mew starts using. Which I found weird? I thought maybe he would get back to it after he ended his relationship with Mew, or at least have a harder time deciding not to take it, yet his drug use was mentioned once, resolved instantly, never brought up again.

Then, the sleeping pills and his trauma, we get to learn why he uses him, his trauma around sleeping alone, yet we never really see him struggling with that, in that same scene Mew agrees to sleep with him, and then we see him deciding not to take them, calling Boeing instead. Yet. We never really see him struggle with not being able to sleep otherwise. He has PTSD about a traumatic event on his childhood and I think he, as a character, would’ve benefited from a scene where, after breaking up with Mew, and before calling Boeing, he tries to sleep alone and isn’t able to, maybe showing his discomfort, an anxiety episode or something similar. The worst thing is this scene exists, where he decides to take someone else home after he sees Mew and Ray but fails, he can’t have sex with them, he CRIES and has to tell them to go away, and YET THE SCENE WAS DELETED.

Just learn more things about him in general. We know Nick’s dreams of animation and Boston’s photography, we know Sand wants to travel the world and go to music festivals, damn, we even know Cheum’s girlfriend, April, who only shows up for like three episodes is going to film school and makes confusing indie short films, yet we don’t seem to know much about Top’s aspirations, dreams, likes and dislikes, other than the fact that he used to sleep around and now he’s in love with Mew.

Boeing showing up sooner.

Had Only Friends been a longer show not being cut short by the typical run-time of your average GMMTV BL, and it had, let’s say, 18 episodes (like other gmmtv shows such as PSIHY), Boeing’s appearance in the last stretch of the show could’ve been less rushed. He could’ve showed around episode 12 and still make chaos and ruin relationships for six episodes, instead of three episodes where we barely get to learn anything about him other than he deeply dislikes Top for having dumped him. Like, why is he trying to get on with everybody? What are his motivations? Does he just like the drama? Does he have an actual plan? Like I could say: Boeing deeply regrets leaving Sand for Top, he realizes he made a mistake as soon as Top dumps him, and since then he plans to get Sand back and ruin Top’s life. That could be a motive. But we don’t know much about him, not really.

And also, sooner as in: we should’ve had flashbacks of his and Sand and Top’s relationships. I know that would’ve ruined the reveal of the actor, but I think there are clever ways to show flashbacks of a relationship without showing the actor’s face if the reveal was so important. Right now, we see Sand being awkward around Boeing but never straight up saying no, why is he so hesitant? The whole show we’ve seen him being in love with Ray, what was his relationship with Boeing like? Why did it make him hate Top so much to enact a revenge plan on him, even knowing he could hurt the person he currently likes? Were things really that insane? We know they had plans together but that’s because we were told this episode, it would’ve been so much better if the change we see Sand have in Boeing’s presence had much more context.

Exploring more the different relationship and dynamics

Okay, I think the show does a great job at this but there are things that seem so out there, that aren’t really developed or that could’ve use deeper approaches.

The group friend: why are they even friends? Did they met in university and found out they were all queer and banded together? Why, if both Cheum and Mew find Boston’s sexual life so awful they stick around him? Why did Cheum act like Ray was the only one at fault in the whole raymew debacle when they’ve always known he has substance abuse problems and he’s in love with Mew? Why does she says Ray never cares about them and yet the first scene of the show it’s them poking fun at Ray for always telling them he loves them while he’s drunk and he’s drunk all the time? The whole friend group should’ve had a deeper approach, imho.

Ray and Mew: okay, so Ray is in love with Mew. Mew knows this. We know Mew stopped Ray from committing suicide and that deepen their vow. We know Mew chose to be with Ray because he wanted to hurt Top. We know Ray couldn’t say no to Mew, even though by that point he already liked Sand. Yet we barely have any scenes of them together. We hear from their friends that their relationship was a mess, as short as it was, but we only really get one episode showing it. The next episode they broke up and are really mature about it, which? Okay, fair, but what was really their relationship like? We had glimpses of it.

Cheum and literally anyone else other than Mew: she’s Mew’s ride or die apparently, but she’s supposed to be friends with all of them. She even says if she weren’t a lesbian she would choose Ray, yet we never see her being a good friend to any of them. She’s literally a better friend to Top that she ever was to both Ray and Boston.

No half-assed plots

Sometimes it feels like the show is trying to do too much and it isn't able to. Specially these last episodes. The whole Atom/Boston debacle could've been better if it had taken more episodes to develop. We don't see his "friends" ostracizing him other than the first confrontation, but like, they literally threw him off their thesis project, even if Boston is leaving, i think he would've been at least a little worried about not being able to graduate. Atom hasn't gotten any consequences, Cheum and Mew have not apologized. I feel like this plot should've been better executed.

Same thing goes for Mew's little "Reputation" era.

And other plot points like, apparently Sand and Ray were sleeping together all the time when Ray and Mew were together? But this was never shown, in fact, it was implied Sand was keeping his distance, trying his shot with Freddie #2, telling Ray he wasn't his rebound or second option ALL THAT WHILE STILL SLEEPING REGULARLY WITH HIM?? There's a lot of "tell and don't show" in the series and it falls flat because of it.

The things they did show are good, for example, Ray's drinking problem. When we finally reach the rehab plot it doesn't feel rushed or out of nowhere because we've seen Ray drink all the show.

More development for the main couples.

This is self-explanatory, but like Jojo himself said they had to cut scenes for ALL of them because of the run time. I feel like for a relationship/character driven show, sometimes it really seems affected for the short run time. There are scenes we see in previews we don’t get, scenes that are released ON TWITTER because they didn’t make it to the show and a lot more of depth in the book that in the show and if that’s not a clear sign that the show should’ve been longer idk what it is.

#only friends the series #ofts #only friends meta #sandray #topmew #bostonnick #needed to get this out of my head to study so here goes nothing

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fallenclan · 6 months ago

Text

Now I bend like a willow, thinking of you

‘Do you want to hear,’ Moxie says, ‘the story of Goldenstar?’

‘Yes, please!’ Mistykit tucks her paws under herself, rests her head on the end of the nest and blinks politely up at Moxie—the silver she-cat purrs, amused.

‘Isn’t he alive still?’ Sleepykit mews. Willowkit pushes him.

‘Shut up! I wanna hear the story.’ She turns her face to Moxie. ‘Please?’

Moxie licks her forehead. ‘Sleepykit, Goldenstar founded this Clan. Aren’t you interested? Willowkit, it’s not nice to tell someone to shut up.’

‘Sorry Sleepykit…’ Willowkit grumbles, and he whisks his stubby tail, pleased.

–

Willowkit can hear yowling. Bluefern curls around her and over her and Willowkit burrows into her mother and tries not to scent the fear emanating from Bluefern’s belly.

‘What’s happening?’ Icekit whimpers. ‘Mama, I’m scared.’

‘It’ll be alright,’ Bluefern says. ‘I’ll protect you. Moxie and I won’t let anything bad happen to you.’

Toro, her silhouette black against the entrance to the nursery, makes a horrible, cut-off gasp, and Willowkit huddles against her mama as cats pour into the camp, claws gleaming against the moonlight.

Bluefern stands over her kits, fur bristling and a snarl on her lips, but it’s no use.

Willowkit squeezes her eyes tightly shut and tries to camouflage with the nest.

–

‘Goldenstar was a kittypet’s kit. His mama was called Hera. He had two siblings, Nola and Cinnamon. Just like you, Mistykit.’

‘Not just like me!’ Mistykit hisses, her polite demeanor falling. ‘I had five siblings!’

Moxie blinks, as though trying to hold back tears.

‘I know, lovely. Maybe Goldenstar had five as well.’ She pulls Mistykit close with one paw and licks the top of her head, and Willowkit stumbles closer as well, trying to get Moxie to notice her.

–

Willowkit holds her breath, jumping from paw to paw nervously. Who would Goldenstar pick as her mentor? Someone nice, like Hailcrash? Or someone grumpy and mean like Wormshade?

Sleepypaw blinks reassuringly at her from where he’s standing next to Newtscar. Willowkit takes a deep breath, sneaks a glance at Mistykit–paw! Mistypaw doesn’t seem like she cares at all! She’s too busy staring up in awe at Blizzardfang.

Wait! What if she gets Crowflame? He seems scary, but he was always nice to them…

‘Willowkit,’ Goldenstar says gently. ‘Step forward. You are now six moons old, and it is time you were apprenticed. From this day on, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Willowpaw. Your mentor will be Henryclaw. I trust he will pass down all he knows to you.’

Henryclaw gapes at him. Goldenstar smiles slightly. Willowpaw starts hopping from paw to paw again.

‘Henryclaw, you are ready to take on an apprentice. You have shown yourself to be wise and insightful, and I expect you pass this onto Willowpaw.’

Willowpaw stretches up to touch noses with the grey tom. He grins at her.

‘You’ll do great.’

–

‘But when Goldenstar wasn’t much older than you, he got separated from his mother and siblings. Seeing as he couldn’t track them down, he wandered around lost for a while.’

Moxie tugs them all closer with her tail, and Willowkit watches Rowankit roll over and over until she’s pressed against her mother’s side.

‘He finally ended up in the mountains. And there, he met Scorchstar.’

–

Willowpaw follows Henryclaw up the summit of the mountain, trying her best not to pant. She doesn’t want him to think her weak.

But he stops with a playful huff.

‘Willowpaw, what can you see?’

‘… A forest.’

‘In the forest?’

‘… Leaves?’

He purrs. ‘What else?’

‘Twigs. Trees. Rocks?’ She looks sidelong at him, trying to work out what the right answer is.

Henryclaw curls his tail, delighted. ‘Yes. What can you smell?’

Willowpaw takes a massive sniff of the cold mountain air.

‘Moss. I think that’s mouse? Birds – Oh! I can smell Mama!’

Henryclaw pokes her with his tail. ‘How long ago do you think she was here?’

‘A while ago… because her scent is stale?’

‘Good. Could you follow her track? I’ll be behind you the whole time. Or… we could see who can find her first.’

Willowpaw’s tail shoots up. ‘Yes! Loser has to clean out the elder’s den!’

He laughs from his chest. ‘Go on then. I’ll give you a headstart.’

–

‘This could have been the end of Goldenstar, if he weren’t so lucky as to run into Scorchstar just as the sun was setting. A badger could have snapped’ and she lunges at Mistykit, rolling her over –’at him, or maybe a fox might have’ Moxie grabs Willowkit by the scruff, and drags her along the ground as she giggles, ‘dragged him away, or perhaps a dog might have grabbed him and taken him home to its twoleg,’ Moxie wraps Rowankit in her tail, ‘but they didn’t. Scorchstar found him instead.’

Sleepykit droops slightly.

‘She brought him home to FallenClan, and she asked him if he’d like to stay. Goldenstar thought of the badgers and the foxes and the dogs, and said yes.’

–

Willowpaw flattens herself to the ground, trying desperately to keep her tail still. The blackbird caws and hops forward a few steps.

Willowpaw takes a careful step towards it, checking to ensure that she wouldn’t land on any twigs, and tries to surrepitiously glance around for Henryclaw.

She rolls a stone beneath her paw. Carefully, just like Windripple in The Witch Hare, she tosses a pawful of stones to the other side of the clearing, where they rustle the grass as they fall. The bird turns its head, ruffling its wings for flight.

Willowpaw stalks closer, closer. As the bird stretches out its wings, she pounces, cracking its neck with a satisfying crunch.

‘Was that good enough for you?’ Willowpaw calls out, tail whisking into the air.

Henryclaw drops from a nearby tree, his tail high.

‘Yes.’ As they turn to go, he twitches his ear. ‘Was that manoeuvre from The Witch Hare?’

‘…Maybe so.’

–

‘There were only three in FallenClan then. Scorchstar, her mate Nettlestem, Wildfang, and Oaktuft. But they welcomed little Goldenstar as if he were their own kitten. And not even a moon later, Sunwish joined the Clan. ’

‘So is that it? Is that the end of the story?’ Sleepykit says, amber eyes wide.

‘He’s not even leader yet, dummy!’ Willowkit yelps. He growls, stubby tail lashing. Moxie purrs soothingly.

‘Willowkit, that isn’t very nice. If you can’t listen quietly you can’t listen at all. Sleepykit, it’s not the end of the story. Let me finish.’ They lie begrudgingly against Moxie’s side, glaring at each other, as she continues.

‘Maybe Scorchstar saw something leader-like in little Goldenstar, for she mentored him herself. He was a good, willing pupil, and he took everything she said to heart. He learned fast, and before long he was a warrior.’

–

‘I, Goldenstar, leader of FallenClan, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on this apprentice. She has trained hard to understand your noble code, and I commend her to you as a warrior in her turn.’

‘Henryclaw, has Willowpaw learned the skills of a warrior? Does she understand the importance of the warrior code?’

‘She does.’ Henryclaw’s eyes are welling with pride and Willowpaw has to turn her gaze away.

‘Willowpaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend your Clan, even at the cost of your life?’

Willowpaw feels her heart rise in her chest. ‘I do.’

‘Then by the powers of StarClan, I give you your warrior name. Willowpaw, from this day onwards, you will be known as Willowsplash. StarClan honors your playful nature and your skill in telling stories, and we welcome you as a full warrior of FallenClan.’

He jumps from the rock and rests his muzzle on her head. She licked his shoulder, listening to her Clan call her name. She raises her head and joins in. StarClan, she wishes Moxie were here.

‘Sleepycloud! Mistyfish! Rowanleaf! Willowsplash!’

–

‘When Goldenstar was just a few months into his apprenticeship, another cat, just 5 moons older than him, joined the Clan. Her name was Morningpaw.’

–

Sleepycloud blinks earnestly at them all. ‘Isn’t Ivybounce the prettiest cat you’ve ever seen?’

‘Not really.’ Mistyfish offers. Sleepycloud rolls his eyes.

‘Just because you’ve got no taste–’

‘Go talk to her!’ Willowsplash offers. ‘I’ll tell your future kits this story.’

‘Fuck off,’ Sleepycloud says, but he’s already rising to his paws and trailing up to the ginger and white molly.

Ten moons later, and Ivybounce is expecting their kits.

Willowsplash loves being right.

–

‘Even though Goldenstar loved Morningbloom, he couldn’t muster the strength to tell her, especially after she broke her back.’

‘Why not?’ Rowankit volunteers.

‘He was scared that if he told her, she’d die before they could do anything about it.’

–

Mistyfish coughs wetly. Silverbelly hovers between them, before stepping out of the way with her head low.

‘Don’t get too close. Greencough is very contagious.’

Bluefern clenches her jaw. Willowsplash rests her head on her mother’s shoulder, trying not to sob.

She is doomed to lose all of them.

Mistyfish blinks up at them.

‘Mama,’ she whispers, her voice scratchy. ‘Do you remember the stories you used to tell me in the nursery?’

‘I… Of course, Misty. Do you want me to tell you one?’

Mistyfish nods. She tucks her paws under herself, rests her head on the end of the nest. She blinks up at Bluefern unevenly.

‘Which one?’

‘The Witch Hare,’ Mistyfish whispers, and the five cats huddled silently in the medicine den listen to the tears in Bluefern’s voice and try not to think about how Silverbelly said this was the end.

–

‘Did Morningbloom die?’ Mistykit says, her voice trembling. ‘Is that why she isn’t in the Clan anymore?’

Moxie nuzzles Mistykit.

‘She didn’t die then. She healed perfectly, and Goldenstar was so relieved that he confessed to her immediately.’ She tugs the kits a little closer. ‘She reciprocated, and they became mates.’

–

‘Hi.’

Willowsplash opens one eye, rolling over on the rock. The sun had been especially nice thus far, and now a cat was blocking her light. He was angular and tall, and he stood like he knew what to do with all his limbs, like he was confident in the space he took up. His eyes sparkled as he looked at her. ‘Who are you?’

‘My name is Bub. Can I join your Clan?’

‘You’d have to ask our leader, Golden– His name is Maplestar.’ He sits beside her, curls his tail around his paws. Willowsplash looked at him out of the corner of her eye. ‘What are you doing?’

‘Waiting for you. You don’t seem quite ready to leave yet.’

‘Hm.’ She flicked her tail. ‘You said your name was Bub?’

‘Indeed.’ He curled his tail against his side. Willowsplash couldn’t help a smile.

‘What do you do, Bub?’

‘All sorts. I used to run with a couple of other loners, but I got bored of that. I want some more excitement in my life. More stories to tell.’

Willowsplash hoists herself to her paws, feeling more alive than she had for days.

‘You tell stories? Good ones, right?’

‘I’d like to think so,’ he purrs.

They talk until the moon rises and the sky turns black. Willowsplash wonders if her littermates are watching. She decides she doesn’t care.

–

‘Morningbloom and Goldenstar had kits not long after Goldenstar’s confession. They were very excited. Goldenstar thought it would be a big litter, while Morningbloom thought it would be a small litter. In the end, they were both right. They had three kits.’

‘Like Mama!’ Sleepykit mews.

‘But Morningbloom didn’t survive her kitting. Goldenstar named them. Applebranch, Maplethorn, and Honeygleam.’

All four kittens look up at her with big, horrified eyes.

Moxie rumbles a purr, curls around them. Willowkit lets herself be tumbled and her pelt ruffled as she cuddles against Moxie’s side. ‘It’s alright, lovelies. She’s up there right now, enjoying the vibrant forests and bright lands of StarClan.’

‘Didn’t Goldenstar miss her?’ Willowkit whispers. She can’t imagine if she’d never known Bluefern.

‘Of course he did!’ Moxie cries. ‘But she died long before you were born. He’ll always love her, but he has a life here.’

Willowkit pauses. ‘Was Applebranch a cute kit?’

Moxie purrs. ‘I’d like to think so. I never saw her as a kit. But you know who was the cutest kitten?’

‘Who?’

‘Your mama Newtscar.’

–

Bub trots into camp, tail high. For a moment, Willowsplash is so pleased to see her mate (her mate, over a year later and she can still call him hers) that she doesn’t notice the bundle he’s carrying in his jaws.

‘Willowsplash,’ he purrs. ‘I found a kit.’

‘You – what?’

‘Oh, Willowsplash, look at him. This is our only chance to be parents, Willow. And I’ve already named him…’

She looks at him. Bub is right, this is their only real chance to be parents. The kitten is small. He is fluffy and golden and he has piercing yellow and blue eyes. He opens his mouth to mew and she realises he is loud.

‘Alright.’ She steps closer to Bub and twines her tail with his.

‘Thank you!’ He purrs. ‘Look, Sunnykit! This is your mama!’

The kitten topples over backwards trying to look at them.

Luckily for Willowsplash, two moons later she can bring back Sunnykit’s sister and repeat the whole rigmarole.

Petalkit and Sunnykit are beside themselves at being reunited, and Willowsplash can settle into Bub and watch their kits play.

One day they will be Petalslip and Sunnytuft, and she will love them with all the ferocity and strength of Bluefern telling nursery stories to her dying kit.

–

‘After Scorchstar was killed by dogs, Goldenstar led the Clan into a new age of prosperity.’ Moxie says. ‘He’s much kinder to outsiders than she was. That’s how we came to be so big.’

‘Cool,’ Sleepykit breathes. Then he turns to Rowankit. ‘Let’s go play Goldenstar!’

She chases him out of the nursery. Mistykit dithers for a moment, and then runs after them, yowling “wait for me!”

Moxie watches them with a purr.

‘Not following them out, Willowkit?’

‘No… Moxie, can I tell you a story?’

‘You can tell me anything. What’s your story about?’

‘The Witch Hare. Henryclaw taught it to me the other day.’

Moxie tucks her paws under herself, and rests her head on the edge of her nest. ‘Go on, then.’

–

So many cats have left Willowsplash now.

Her mothers, her brother – StarClan, so many brothers, even Moxie is gone now.

Her younger relatives, the children of so many dead siblings, don’t quite look her in the eye.

But Bub is here

Sunnytuft and Petalslip are growing up, and her litter-brother’s kits are adults with their own set of problems.

Generations stretch out before her. The deafness was a mercy, really. Bub knows she can’t stand the sound of dogs barking, or cats calling too loudly. When she started to lose her hearing they started to develop a language of ears and whiskers and tails.

Maybe she can’t tell them stories of Goldenstar and Maplestar and Cherrystar with her voice as well anymore.

But she’ll tell them everything with her paws.

(beetle note: AUHGHHHH THIS IS SO GOOD.... had me rolling on the floor weeping and crying i love it so much <333 the little bits of character added to everyone, the background relationships, the exploration of willowsplash,,, such an underrated character, you did her fantastically)

#submission #fallenfic #featherfrond

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