#if this is indeed where we're going
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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 1 year ago
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fantasy laughingstock mawwiage but make it potc3 Flavor-
#theyre supposed to be holding hands but i couldnt draw it for the life of me so#half assed it is!!!!#or.... no assed it is!!!#in my mind this is a job gone Phenomenally wrong. like horribly wrong#the group is outnumbered and cornered and-#its fine in the end tho#and howdy & barnaby are left standing there like 'so we didnt die. looks like we're husbands now! lets go find some neat rings'#in the meantime wally and julie braid them rings out of grass & flowers#actually wait omg#imagining there's a spell that can freeze the flower rings so that they wont break/decompose#all of barnaby's normal metal rings and then there's one made of plants... of Life... OUUUGHHHHHHHH#< thats the sound of me dying so dramatically. im talking nimona-as-ambrosius level of dramatic death#scribble salad#laughingstock#wh fantasy au#wait omggggg#im imagining once theyre all safe and it sinks in that the Are Indeed Safe#everyone is like 'omg!!! we made it!!! hugging each other! wait wheres barnaby and howdy - ohhhhh theyre making out off to the side cool'#theyre just. laying in the grass smoochin the hell outta each other#yeah theyre both bleeding and bruised but who isnt!#and then they stay right there and take a nap <3#and wake up w/ the rest of the neighborhood piled on/around them <3#GODDDDDDDD FUCK FUCK FUCK IM SO NORMAL ABOUT THEM IM SO NORMAL IM-#SO NOT NORMAL ABOUT THEM AGH RAGH ASDHASJFCBALFNLD#sorry sorry. the insanity is kicking in#alsoooooo imagining them having that epic potc3 mid-battle kiss after barbosa - sorry - Sally pronounces them married
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congratulations to Mme. Pascale Leclerc, who has surely just experienced both the funniest and most unhinged weekend a mother could ever have. Dear fucking christ, I hope your middlest son brought you a bottle of champagne for yourself, ma'am.
#kazoo noises#charles leclerc#cl16#monaco gp 2024#zoomies posting#sports posting#like man. where to begin. one of your racecar children is back in town for the weekend. he has yet to have a truly good work#weekend it seems in town. now this year. we're feeling ourselves a bit. we're feeling optimistic even. and then ur son becomes talk of town#because he keeps doing fucking bits on twitter about adopting his coworker who is friends with your youngest son. this goes on long enough#for actual reporters to comment on it. no one is willing to blink first so by friday night we've yes-anded ourselves to a grandson#(congratulations mme leclerc)#things go well. and then at qualifying they go DAMN WELL#BETTER THAN EVER REALLY! but man. im superstitious. i dont trust shit until its over and the dust has cleared#(the adoption jokes have continued by the way) and MEANWHILE everyone is eyeing that starting grid. were humming. we're making vague hand#gestures when commenting. we're all thinking. Maybe? (the streets can hear u tho. keep it down)#race starts. lap one CHAOS. so many fucking crashes. i'd faint if i had a child even in karting honestly.#(every parent in this sport deserves a prescription for laudanum)#but he's not in it. hes at the front. and he. well. he just Stays There. Through It All. and the laps tick down. until the race is run. and#there he is. your middlest son. cross the line and into the books. first place. home town. what curse indeed. thats your boy!!!!!!!! THERE!#they play the radio of him winning and the audio is peaked because he screams out so loudly. you can hear the water in the laughter.#later theres gonna be videos and photos taken of him pushing his boss into the harbor and diving right in after the man. those photos are#gonna be fucking studied in photography classes one day. and STILL! everyone involved with that goofy joke about him adopting his coworker#(who. despite all the silliness of the race stayed second place and got a podium) is still carrying the bit like a baton relay. Do you have#him over for family dinner? might as well add a plate i guess! people are joking about your youngest son having two nephews? a dog born#maybe a month ago and a man born about... what twenty three years and about a month ago? fuck it! family dinner#sorry this bit got away from me but as someone who loves my homecity and my mom so much it might actually be like.#a visible growth inside my body if they do an autopsy on me at time of death or like. my love will eat me alive. sometimes the charratives#gets to me#anyway cheers mme leclerc i hope you party so fucking hard this week
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redeemed-wren · 6 months ago
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Is there any point in praying and hoping for good things when they haven't been promised in this life?
Is it not better to focus on trusting God and being content in the mediocrity than to pray for something that won't be given and become bitter about it?
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shallowrambles · 10 months ago
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So I've been thinking. It's funny how enjoying meta is somewhat embedded with trust.
Like, if you're "friends" and have followed a person for a long time, you have more a sense of their values, and it's easier to read their difficult meta because you trust more that they're being charitable/nuanced.
If you don't know them, it's harder to trust that they're not funneling difficult topics into rationalization of liking/supporting gross shit.
#meta thoughts#case in point - so much of the wincest community still comes off super classist to me and it sorts of...leaks into their meta#you'll be going alone with an interesting character study and then you read stuff that just BOOM classism about family ties#then you go to their page and you find that yes they're into that shit and there's typically a desert of thoughtful cas military angels etc#they tend to like benny cause benny is an idealized brother substitute / sam parallel and it's given the most uncharitable reading#just because you choose a partner than is familiar and like your fam members does not mean you're into your family members oh my god#and sure there's tons of visual and overt racism in SPN in general but to me that at least gets discussed#the classism inherent to narrative fangirl obsessions with incest? not as dissected#familism and community are seen as Weird (TM) to them and they kind of tell on themselves with that imho#and like with racism there are just some things you can't overlook to enjoy a series if you're black because that's your day to day life an#with classism it's hard too bc sometimes you can't escape the reminders of day to day life#and when ppl in the fandom see the villain's monologues as TRUTH you just wanna shake your head but know it's not worth arguing#communal living is more normal than america wants you to think...rich folks want it labelled *weird* bc they want you separated and drained#i am begging us to deconstruct suburbia instead of defaulting to TEEHEE incest bc shitting on pooled resources is paramount in a rigged gam#I find the inherent isolation of american living-to-work without any time to visit each other VERY isolating indeed...also...#like how did we get here#where we're so afraid of labels like*cults* and *helicopter parenting* and *enmeshment* than we isolate as a form of hallowed independence#american success culture has a dark side too#and separating low class families is the aim#get them to spend more $$$ and go for lofty ideals in pursuit of american dream instead of pooling their resources and meeting their needs#meanwhile rich folks do so much respectable nepotism and pretend they're *self-made*#to me that's what the symbol of zachariah is ALLLL about#and if you're blind to what his taunts ACTUALLY mean...i'm very suspicious of your worldview#if resource sharing and co-living becomes shameful and *incestuous* for lower classes then they won't pool their power at all#american exceptionalism#spn + class#class#class warfare#giving up college dreams to be a caretaker seems way more common in poor families too#i suspect we see the incest reading less from brown families / hispanic fams...cause familism is more common
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inniave · 6 months ago
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every once in awhile i have a flashback so bad it triggers a seizure & nobody really knows why
#i am so fucking tired#and so fucking done#i would rather die than go in tomorrow but that's not an option anymore so fuck#the flashbacks have been constant for as long as i can remember but it's been awhile since they've been at this intensity for this long#i used to think i didn't have ptsd because i didn't have flashbacks until i learned that always feeling like it's happening again is indeed#a flashback#it's just not so isolated for me#so i'm like??? i should be able to deal with this. i'm used to it. pretty much every second of every day my body feels like i'm being#raped and tortured and beat and literally getting drilled in the bone i should be used to this#but it's so much it's so heavy there's no way out i cant do it#but i have to there's no other option except not get surgery which is not really an option :/#cause the pain from the bone is right where their cocks were 🙃 so that's been it's own special form of hell#and now i have to let someone cut me open there 🙃 and i cant be under general anesthesia 🙃#oh yeah and ITS EXAFTLY FUCKING LIKE THAT DOCTOR THAT ASSAULTED ME WHEN I WAS A FUCKING TODDLER COMING OUT OF SURGERY#fuck dude#sometimes i think maybe if it only happened once i'd be okay#ive lost track but i think we're up in triple digits at this point :/#not including the constant stuff in childhood#fuck no wonder i kept trying to kill myself jesus fucking christ#i'm so fucking scared#i'm so ready for all this to be over#it's been years of pain and this whole last month where it's become much more acute and all this visits and i cant take any more#we are at Capacity#we're splitting like hell already#fucking entire new subsystems fuck#fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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mantisgodsdomain · 11 months ago
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Apparently there's a fic reading challenge thing this year, but after doing a quick skim of the goals... we don't think we'll be touching it with a ten-foot stick. Some of these goals put a VERY bad taste in our mouth. The idea of a "diversity checklist" isn't supposed to be... literal, we don't think? No? We're remembering that one quote about "listening to people of color being like eating your vegetables for white activists" and we're feeling like it may actually have been understating whatever the hell is going on here.
#we speak#also really funny to be seeing shit like “read fic from a fandom with under 250 works”. buddy we're WRITING for one of those#but also like. “read a fic where the main character is BIPOC”. “read a fic where the main character is neurodivergent"#“read a fic that passes the bechdel test”.#like we get the INTENT we guess but we're not in the target audience AT ALL#and a whole fuckin lot of the goals here are very romance focused up against us a guy who deliberately filters out ships#we're also really concerned that “passes the bechdel test” is a bar for fic but also we know The Scene here#and “passing the mako mori test”. is indeed a difficult one to find in a lot of fandoms#as someone who tends to like female characters we notice this. A Fucking Lot#we are so insanely picky with fic bc even with ao3's tagging system we need to slog through dozens of fics to find one good one#and a lot of the time we. REALLY don't have the patience for fic that doesn't have decent depictions for the gals#you have no clue how much zel da fic especially we drop for being Really Fucking Weird About Gender (in a bad way)#sometimes we forget that people exist in bigger fandoms that actually have fic reading habits like this#we feel like we're in another dimension. what do you mean you guys live like this#also what. does “deals heavily (and healthily) with a mental illness” mean. you guys arent just reading this to eat ur vegetables right?#...right???#anyways reading through things like “read fics with all the major LGBTQIA2 identities” is giving us hives#if you read our fic then we beg of you read it because it sounds like it has a nice plot not just like. because Some Guy is ace or intersex#please. gender identity should NOT be that much of a priority. read through and flag on the weird gender shit and go “oh thats queer!”#or “oh thats like me” or “oh (whatever)” but please. there are so many things here more relevant than shit like sexuality.#we need to go read through our fics and make sure we dont have any overly modern lingo in there#if you want to know about a characters sexuality or gender identity figure it out yourself from. fuck we dont know. psychic beams.#though we rationally know the reason that things in modern queer spaces are so often Like This its still poison to our brain#and we want nothing to do with it#negative chatter
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slippery-minghus · 9 months ago
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dunno if i'm gonna rally the spoons and nerve to apply to some new jobs (i suppose we'll see how this week's vibe goes) but i updated my resume and i'm feeling pretty good about it 💪
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vyragosa · 2 years ago
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idk if you’ve already read the 7.2 chapter but is there any info about Marisbury or/and Chaldean? people on reddit say Marisbury is actually a mastermind and basically U-Olga was a red-herring but idk if it’s really true
.
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osterby · 1 year ago
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The incest mpreg she's seeing is her own. She literally invented AO3 so we would all have a place to put incest mpreg without it getting deleted by the latest whims of the Poiwers That Be.
Do you think Naomi Novik ever looks at AO3
sees some incest mpreg
and whispers to herself “I never wanted this.”
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tkbrokkoli · 1 year ago
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need to vent in the tags a little :(
#not fandom related#personal log stardate#so there was a highschool reunion this week where i could've met my old class mates and teachers#originally i had planned to go and had already confirmed i would#it takes several hours to drive there. then on the day there was a big traffic jam which would've increased the travel time even more#blocked roads due to insane car and truck accidents you know the likes#anyway so i decided to not go. bc of the long drive#but now i horribly regret my decision and i feel so sad and angry. like i haven't seen these ppl for years and i was indeed#curious to see how they're all doing. however out of my 5 best highschool friends only 2 were there anyway#and im not in contact w them anymore anyway so we're basically all strangers. still i feel maybe it would've been worth it#it's not like i owe it to them to come see them after years but it is tradition still. maybe it would've been nice#i mean i know it would've been nice and i sure would've had some fun#but it seemed like a waste of time. half a day wasted to meet w ppl i don't know anymore and don't rly care abt that much#ugh but now looking back it would've been a pinprick in the fabric of my life right. what is half a day compared to the years#the years we've spent together and the years we've been apart#god i feel so bad now. but i can't turn back time and make it undone. what do i do w the guilt regret sadness anger now#let them pass? push them away? im sure there will be another highschool reunion. maybe in 5 years. maybe in 10#by then ill also be on T and have had top surgery. it would be nice to introduce myself to them as who i actually am#still. some of the ppl might be dead by then. the teachers i mean. then again. i wasn't the only one who didn't come#i also wasn't the only one who canceled on the very day. and i know plenty of ppl who hate to go to reunions#bc they weren't friends w anyone or don't care abt the ppl or are just not interested in a social gathering like that#however i was interested and i uses to be friends w ppl. mh. i def made the wrong decision ☹️#still. can't undo it. gotta work through it
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all-purpose-dish-soap · 26 days ago
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58 / 2.2k / shapeshifter familiars 141 tormenting witch reader for Halloween c:
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You hum a song to yourself as you pull herbs from your garden and pile them into the crook of your arm. The sun sets rosy this evening; the sky is clear and the moon will be new.
You turn to go in, brushing off your black skirts with your free hand. But a familiar face darken your doorway. Nobody was there a moment ago. Your serene face falls into a sour frown.
"Soap."
Soap gives you a cocky grin. He hasn't lost that insufferable arrogance. "Evenin', witch."
You approach him with your herbs in tow. "What sad state of affairs brings you to my doorstep?"
"Aw, no warm welcome for your favorite scoundrel?"
"I favor you more as a crow."
"Handsome in all my forms, then."
You stop in front of him. It's clear you're going to have to wait for him to move or else squeeze past him. You plant your feet and wait, squaring your sight with his. "Where are the other two?"
Soap plucks one of the flowering herbs with his fingers to inspect it, then twirls it between his fingers. "About somewhere, likely causing the usual mayhem. They'll be right on my heels."
Your frown deepens. This is the fourth impossible quest you've sent them on. And they keep coming back. "Did you fetch what I asked?"
Soap raises an eyebrow as he moves closer to you, his eyes fixed on yours. He raises the plucked flower to his lips. There's an edge of challenge in his voice as he answers. "We did indeed." He gently sets the flower back on top of the pile. The he pulls out a small vial and dangles it in front of you. "And a little extra somethin' for you."
You reach for the vial only for him to pull it back.
Soap's smirk widens. "Pay up first."
Cold irritation spikes through you. You know just how he'd prefer to be paid. You shoulder past him and into your cottage with a scowl.
Soap, of course, follows you in, saunters through your front door, and kicks it shut behind him. He's not the least bit deterred by your annoyance. In fact, he quite likes it. He runs his fingers along the various bottles and implements on the shelves with idle interest. "Oh, come now. You ought to be glad we're back."
You cast your herbs into a basket near the sink. Then you stand at your scrying table, flensing knife in hand, and carve a niche into your palm. The pain is nothing. Not even when you squeeze your hand into a fist to force more blood out. It drips into the wooden bowl underneath.
Payment is payment.
Soap's breath hitches. He's watching you with keen interest. He likes watching you work, your precise, calculated movements and your confident touch with the knife.
The sight of your fresh blood only makes his smirk wider. He takes a step closer behind you to get a better view. "There are easier ways to pay your dues," he says. His hands come around to rest on the countertop on either side of you. "More pleasurable ways. Other, ah, fluids with which to slake thirst."
"Keep your distance, shapeshifter," you tell him. "Or you get nothing."
Soap rests his chin on your shoulder. The touch is far too familiar. His fingers twitch with anticipation, as if the blood on your hand tempts him forward. He's always been a touch perverse, anyway, about you wounding yourself to feed him. This is all your fault isn't it? Sending them quest after impossible quest. They only demand payment because you insist upon such extremes, naively thinking it will kill them.
"You think you have enough blood for all of us? There's an easier way. Just think," Soap murmurs in your ear. "My lips on your neck. My fingers inside you."
His words sends heat unbidden into your core. Unnaturally so. Immediately, your eyes flash, and an unseen force pushes him away from you.
Soap stumbles backwards from you, his body slamming into the nearby shelf. His shoulders heave, and he breathes heavier. Still smirking, but also looking a little more interested.
You see it in his eyes, what he doesn't say or acknowledge: he likes when you push back. He craves it. He likes to see you assert yourself.
"No need to be so inhospitable." That insufferable grin, cocky and smug again. "Just thought you might want to save your bleeding for more important things."
You ignore this. He takes a seat in your chair, and you resume your work. Another cut. Something brushes at your ankles--something purring and black.
"Gaz."
He purrs, deceptively soft and sweet as he twines around your feet. More blood from your palm hits the bowl. Gaz's nose twitches. He turns his intense cat-gaze upward to watch you from the ground. You ignore it.
Gaz is a more patient man than Soap. He knows exactly what effect Soap's words had on you. He can smell your response on the air, and it entices him. But he knows not to press.
Still, after a stretch of silence watching your blood pool, Gaz grates out a low meow as a bid for your attention. Then he jumps up onto the counter and pushes his kitty face into the blood bowl.
Soap clicks his tongue. "Jealous."
You push Gaz away just as his whiskers start to tremble. "Stop that."
Gaz gives a dissatisfied meow. He sits back on his haunches. With a glare, he licks one of his paws in distaste for your scolding.
You deposit him on the floor. Then you get back to work. Quickly, as you hear the distant call of a screech owl. Gaz saunters away with a languid stretch of his back legs.
The owl's cry echoes again. Louder now. And in reply, a dog outside your window howls.
Your heart thumps. Faster, you bid yourself. You dig your fingertips into the gash in your palm just to draw out thicker clots. Faster. No, there's no time. Casting the flensing knife aside with a clatter, you take the bowl in your uninjured hand and turn, hurrying to stand in the doorway. Two of them inside is enough. You don't want any more in your home. No more. It's all you can do to protect your home from what you brought upon yourself.
The dog howls again. Right outside. Then there's the sound of animal shifting to man, and an enormous shadow darkens your doorway before you can reach it. Ghost. He fills the door frame, towering over you and blocking your path. He's so tall and broad that, deliberate or not, every move feels like a challenge to your authority over him. He's on your side, you remind yourself. His size makes him a formidable ally. And a devastating foe, when he wants to be. He's looking at you like he's contemplating being just that.
He doesn't need to announce why he's here, and he doesn't need to say anything else. He's come for payment just as Soap and Gaz have. He'll take it from you one way or another.
Ghost's expression remains inscrutable. But he burns with an emotion you sense and he carefully hides.
"What's the hurry?" The words are low and gravelly.
You stare up at him as you force your nerves to steady. "Must you transgress into my home?"
Ghost's broad shoulders bunch beneath his tattered cloak. His dark eyes take in the scene before him, the way Gaz and Soap make themselves too comfortable in your home. Then they flicker down to the blood. He doesn't have much patience for these games of push and pull. "You expect us to drink from a bowl? Like swine at a trough?"
You cock your head. "Shall I fetch you all soup spoons?"
Ghost's scowl deepens. "Smartass witch. Be grateful we've been lenient with you."
"Have you?"
It's either amusement or contempt that flashes across Ghost's face. You're not sure which. "Do you need me to demonstrate what it means to not be lenient?" He shifts his weight, his shadow stretching and darkening the room around him. "With your insults and feeble scraps?"
"Payment is payment. Whether or not the blood comes in a bowl shouldn't matter. The source is the same."
He doesn't appreciate mind games. And he definitely doesn't appreciate when you, his witch, are the one playing them. You shouldn't play with him when he's already on edge. "Spoken like a woman who's never known how to starve." He strides closer. The sound of the floor shifts under his weight. He only stops when he's close enough to make you feel like the walls are closing in on you. He reaches forward, and with his forefinger, wipes one of the droplets from the rim of the bowl. He brings it to his lips and licks it off his finger. "The blood doesn't matter."
"The blood doesn't matter?" you echo, doubtful. "That doesn’t seem to be the case."
Ghost's eyes flicker with something. Hunger. "No," he murmurs. "You could fill the bowl with anyone's blood. It's you that makes the difference. You spill it. You offer it. That vulnerability is… personal. Better than blood. Fresh. Warm. A piece of you."
He runs his finger along the edge of the bowl and leaves a wet streak along the rim. He's watching you watch him. "You and your foolish demands. Your workarounds. Blood in a bowl isn't real vulnerability."
He takes a step closer and towers over you. "You think we don't notice how you go out of your way to make it as impersonal as possible? You're meant to give us something we want for our services. You'd be better off bleeding someone else dry and offering that up." He leans in closer and runs his gaze over you with a subtle tilt of his head. "But you would never try that, would you?"
"I told you I won't hurt other people for you. The contract is with me and me only."
Foolish promises. "That doesn't mean you get to cheat us."
You offer the bowl with more force. "Drink."
His annoyance flares. Your stubbornness, your arrogance--qualities that both make you a desirable object of focus and chip away at the shapeshifters' patience.
But they’ll be able to teach you a lesson for it sooner or later.
Ghost reaches forward, grabs your wrist, and raises the bowl to his lips. He looks you dead in the eye as he drinks.
Soap is at his side instantly. His pale eyes fix on the bowl.
You hear Gaz shift from feline to human behind you. He draws up until you feel his body heat.
"Now isn't that much nicer?" Gaz says, his voice just as cocky and insufferable as ever. "Nothing wrong with making it personal once in a while. No need to be so stingy."
You watch Ghost, eyes still locked on you, as he swipes his sleeve across his mouth and hands Soap the bowl without looking.
Soap gulps down two mouthfuls with an orgasmic growl.
Gaz chuckles as he brings it to his lips, drinking until it's empty. Then he lets the wooden bowl clatter to the floor. His mouth twitches up into a lazy smirk.
You pull your wrist free from Ghost’s grasp. "You got what you needed. Give me what you brought me and get out."
"Oh, don't be like that," Soap purrs as he prowls towards you. "You enjoy our company."
"Such poor manners," Gaz says mildly. "Seems we've still got to teach you what your responsibilities are. Price won't like hearing that."
You slow, lowering the bloodied bowl into your washbasin. "Price won't come. It's not time yet."
Ghost scoffs. "Price will do whatever he damn well pleases." He prowls closer as well, the predatory sound in his voice more obvious now, like a beast preparing to sink his teeth in. "And he won't like hearing how his second-favorite witch is a lousy hostess."
"He's not coming," you snap. A tinge of fear crawls up your spine.
"Price comes when he wants," Ghost snarls. "You should remember that before you act so foolish."
You hear the screech owl again. Closer this time. The bowl clangs against the bottom of the basin and dread churns deep in your gut.
"Do you hear that?" Gaz asks softly.
"You drank all the blood," you mutter. "You didn't leave any for him. This is your fault."
Soap smiles, but he’s not meeting your eyes. "We left him plenty."
You're helpless to do anything but watch as the sound of beating wings turns to boots falling on the undergrowth outside your open door.
He stands tall, his form blocking the moonlight and shadowing the already dim room. His dark eyes land on you, and he takes in your blood-stained hand and bloodied bowl with a hard frown. What a mess you've made.
"Witch."
He crosses the room to you and takes your jaw in his rough hand. His gaze drives ice into the blood still roaring hot through your veins.
"We're going to have a chat."
...
more Soap / more Gaz / more Ghost / more Price / masterlist
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Fopps was like 'why have you removed yourself from 90% of your social spaces' and I do not know how to explain that like... it's not that anyone has upset me or that like- Okay, there is an element of like 'the way I care about people is wrong and I am a terrible human being for leading everyone on' but that's like- complicated and more fleeting. 90% of it is absolutely just 'if you give me a captive audience, I will trauma dump rn.' tumblr is mostly safe rn because I frequently forget that I have the ability to make posts and not just reblog things.
#the first thing is just complicated and is about like- the way my dissociation works#at the end of the day- there is a dissociative ... piece? part? Emotional Part? whatever we want to call it. Phase of Self#That does indeed not care about anything. It does not care about you. It does not care about my wife. It does not care.#it is survival mode at it's finest.#but whenever I come out of that dissociative state it feels really gross and bad and like I've been a terrible person#even if like- its only been idk a few hours.#and like this state does not *do* anything. it's not like 'oh I yell at people and I was MEAN' it just feels... empty and blank.#I buy my wife this chocolate when I see it because it's not at our local store anymore. and when I do it when I'm not /that/ dissociated#this feels like an act of love. I feel Love and Warm and Good. I am going to make my wife happy#when I am that kind of dissociated#I still do it I still buy the chocolate but it feels cold and calculated.#I buy the chocolate because it will make my wife happy and that is what the Shell of A Person is supposed to do#but then yeah. You come out and you feel gross like you're just manipulating everyone. Like you're doing all the right things but there's n#there's no light behind the eyes.#and I recognize now that the dissociative state is protective. I recognize that I needed it because I have been through the Horrors#and that if I had to deal with having feelings about things all the time- I wouldn't have made it#and that when I flick back into it- it's probably like... because I've been triggered or some shit and am having too many feelings so#actually we're gonna have none. because that's how you survive#but yeah it creates this really frustrating pattern in my life where like- it's not even *that* state that withdraws from people#it's the one after. Where I have all the feelings about everything and I'm scared I've tricked people!#I've made people think I'm nice and caring and kind when AHAH actually I'm a robot who has only been programmed for kindness#this probably counts as trauma dumping. I'm doing the exact thing I do not want to do rn.#*squints* bah bahbah bah bah bahbahbah
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nobodysuspectsthebutterfly · 10 months ago
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#when they’re hunting before bran gets swarmed by wildlings and Robb just #carries a full grown deer around to take back home (via @15-lizards)
As ably illustrated by @lycorim:
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And she has this one too, where Jon scruffs a direwolf the size of a pony in ADWD:
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rip Robb and Jon, you should've been decathletes in the Westeros Olympics
one of the first physical descriptors given of jon snow is in the comparison between him and robb, wherein robb is singled out as being the stronger (and is later called "strong" again when carrying bran up some stairs). so if jon is out here casually pulling giant spears out of the frozen ground which other men struggled to handle in teams…what incredible feats could robb stark have been capable of. why didn't he standing long jump across the hall at the red wedding to beat up walder frey
ned who was raised alongside child robert baratheon watching robb and jon throw theon clear across the yard during a snowball fight: yea thats about how strong a child should be this checks out
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twitchytwitchtwitch · 1 year ago
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mostlysignssomeportents · 5 months ago
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An end to the climate emergency is in our grasp
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On June 20, I'm keynoting the LOCUS AWARDS in OAKLAND.
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The problem with good news in the real world is that it's messy. Neat happy endings are for novels, not the real world, and that goes double for the climate emergency. But even though good climate news is complicated and nuanced, that doesn't mean it shouldn't buoy our spirits and fill our hearts with hope.
The big climate news this past week is the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration's clarion call about surging CO2 levels – the highest ever – amid a year that is on track to have the largest and most extreme series of weather events in human history:
https://www.noaa.gov/news-release/during-year-of-extremes-carbon-dioxide-levels-surge-faster-than-ever
This is genuinely alarming and you – like me – have probably experienced it as a kind of increase in your background radiation of climate anxiety. Perhaps you – like me – even experienced some acute, sit-bolt-upright-in-bed-at-2AM anxiety as a result. That's totally justifiable. This is very real, very bad news.
And yet…
The news isn't all bad, and even this terrible dispatch from the NOAA is best understood in context, which Bill McKibben provides in his latest newsletter post, "What You Want is an S Curve":
https://billmckibben.substack.com/p/what-you-want-is-an-s-curve
Financier and their critics should all be familiar with Stein's Law: "anything that can't go on forever will eventually stop." This is true outside of finance as well. One of the reasons that we're seeing such autophagic panic from the tech companies is that their period of explosive growth is at an end.
For years, they told themselves that they were experiencing double-digit annual growth because they were "creating value" and "innovating" but the majority of their growth was just a side-effect of the growth of the internet itself. When hundreds of millions of people get online every year, the dominant online services will, on average, gain hundreds of millions of new users.
But when you run out of people who don't have internet access, your growth is going to slow. How can it not? Indeed, at that point, the only ways to grow are to either poach users from your rivals (through the very expensive tactics of massive advertising and sales-support investments, on top of discounts and freebies as switching enticements), or to squeeze your own users for more.
That's why the number of laptops sold in America slowed down. It's why the number of cellphones sold in America slowed down. It's why the number of "smart home" gizmos slowed down.
Even the steepest hockey-stick-shaped exponential growth curve eventually levels off and becomes an S-curve, because anything that can't go on forever will eventually stop.
One way or another, the world's carbon emissions will eventually level off. Even if we drive ourselves to (or over) the brink of extinction and set up the conditions for wildfires that release all the carbon stored in all the Earth's plants, the amount of carbon we pump into the atmosphere has to level off.
Rendering the Earth incapable of sustaining human civilization (or life) is the ultimate carbon reduction method – but it's not my first choice.
That's where McKibben's latest newsletter comes in. He cites a new report from the Rocky Mountain Institute, which shows a major reversal in our energy sources, a shift that will see our energy primarily provided by renewables, with minimal dependence on fossil fuels:
https://rmi.org/insight/the-cleantech-revolution/
The RMI team says that in this year or next, we'll have hit peak demand for fossil fuels (a fact that is consistent with NOAA's finding that we're emitting more CO2 than ever). The reason for this is that so much renewable energy is about to come online, and it is so goddamned cheap, that we are about to undergo a huge shift in our energy consumption patterns.
This past decade saw a 12-fold increase in solar capacity, a 180-fold increase in battery storage, and a 100-fold increase in EV sales. China is leading the world in a cleantech transition, with the EU in close second. Cleantech is surging in places where energy demand is also still growing, like India and Vietnam. Fossil fuel use has already peaked in Thailand, South Africa and every country in Latin America.
We're on the verge of solar constituting an absolute majority of all the world's energy generation. This year, batteries will overtake pumped hydro for energy storage. Every cleantech metric is growing the way that fossil fuels did in previous centuries: investment, patents, energy density, wind turbine rotor size. The price of solar is on track to halve (again) in the next decade.
In short, cleantech growth looks like the growth of other technologies that were once rarities and then became ubiquitous overnight: TV, cellphones, etc. That growth isn't merely being driven by the urgency of the climate emergency: it's primarily a factor of how fucking great cleantech is:
https://rmi.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/the_incredible_inefficiency_of_fossils.pdf
Fossil fuels suck. It's not just that they wreck the planet, or that their extraction is both politically and environmentally disastrous. They just aren't a good way to make energy. About a third of fossil fuel energy is wasted in production and transportation. A third! Another third is wasted turning fossil fuels into energy. Two thirds! The net energy efficiency of fossil fuels is about 37%.
Compare that with cleantech. EVs convert electricity to movement with 80-90% efficiency. Heat pumps are 300% efficient (the main fuel for your heat pump is the heat in the atmosphere, not the electricity it draws).
Cleantech is just getting started – it's still in the hockey-stick phase. That means those efficiency numbers are only going up. Rivian just figured out how to remove 1.6 miles of copper wire from each vehicle. That's just one rev – there's doubtless lots of room for more redesigns that will further dematerialize EVs:
https://insideevs.com/news/722265/rivian-r1s-r1t-wiring/
As McKibben points out, there's been a lot of justifiable concern that electrification will eventually use up all our available copper, but copper demand has remained flat even as electrification has soared – and this is why. We keep figuring out new ways to electrify with fewer materials:
https://www.chemanalyst.com/NewsAndDeals/NewsDetails/copper-wire-price-remains-stable-amidst-surplus-supply-and-expanding-mining-25416#:~:text=Global%20Copper%20wire%20Price%20Remains%20Stable%20Amidst%20Surplus%20Supply%20and%20Expanding%20Mining%20Activities
This is exactly what happened with previous iterations of tech. The material, energy and labor budgets of cars, buildings, furniture, etc all fell precipitously every time there was a new technique for manufacturing them. Renewables are at the start of that process. There's going to be a lot of this dematerialization in cleantech. Calculating the bill of materials for a planetary energy transition isn't a matter of multiplying the materials in current tech by the amount of new systems we'll need – as we create those new systems, we will constantly whittle down their materials.
What's more, global instability drives cleantech uptake. The Russian invasion of Ukraine caused a surge in European renewables. The story that energy prices are rising due to renewables (or carbon taxes) is a total lie. Fossil fuels are getting much more expensive, thanks to both war and rampant, illegal price-fixing:
https://www.thebignewsletter.com/p/an-oil-price-fixing-conspiracy-caused
If not for renewables, the incredible energy shocks of the recent years would be far more severe.
The renewables story is very good and it should bring you some comfort. But as McKibben points out, it's still not enough – yet. The examples of rapid tech uptake had big business on their side. America's living rooms filled with TV because America's largest businesses pulled out all the stops to convince everyone to buy a TV. By contrast, today's largest businesses – banks, oil companies and car companies – are working around the clock to stop cleantech adoption.
We're on track to double our use of renewables before the decade is over. But to hold to the (already recklessly high) targets from the Paris Accord, we need to triple our renewables usage. As McKibben says, the difference between doubling and tripling our renewables by 2030 is the difference between "survivable trouble" and something much scarier.
The US is experiencing a welcome surge in utility scale solar, but residential solar is stalling out as governments withdraw subsidies or even begin policies that actively restrict rooftop solar:
https://twitter.com/curious_founder/status/1798049929082097842?s=51
McKibben says the difference between where we are now and bringing back the push for home solar generation is the difference between "fast" and "faster" – that is the difference between tripling renewables by 2030 (survivable) and doubling (eek).
Capitalism stans who argue that we can survive the climate emergency with market tools will point to the good news on renewable and say that the market is the only way to transition to renewables. It's true that market forces are partly responsible for this fast transition. But the market is also the barrier to a faster (and thus survivable) transition. The oil companies, the banks who are so invested in fossil fuels, the petrostates who distort the world's politics – they're why we're not much farther along.
The climate emergency was never going to be neatly solved. We weren't going to get a neat novelistic climax that saw our problems sorted out in a single fell swoop. We're going to be fighting all the way to net zero, and after that, we'll still have decades of climate debt to pay down: fires, floods, habitat loss, zoonotic plagues, refugee crises.
But we should take our wins. Even if we're far from where we need to be on renewables, we're much farther along on renewables than we had any business hoping for, just a few years ago. The momentum is on our side. It's up to us to use that momentum and grow it. We're riding the hockey-stick, they're on that long, flat, static top of the S-curve. Their curve is leveling off and will start falling, ours will grow like crazy for the rest of our lives.
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If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2024/06/12/s-curve/#anything-that-cant-go-on-forever-eventually-stops
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gothamite-rambler · 24 days ago
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The Wayne boys most days without sleep before they finally crashed (two manage to beat out Batman)
Tim Drake - 12 days
Tim fidgeted with his hands, his gaze fixed on the wall.
Tim: All around the mulberry bush, the monkey chased the weasel, da da da da—
Suddenly, an alarm blared on his phone startling everyone at the cafe table he was sitting at.
Tim: POP GOES THE WEASEL!
He erupted into cackling laughter, but as he slowly laid his head on the table, the laughter quickly faded away. Cassie, Kon, and Bernard exchanged worried glances.
Cassie: Hey, Tim, how long have you been awake?
Tim (rocking back and forth): 288 hours.
Cassie (stunned): 200 and what?
Kon (shocked): You've been awake for 12 days?!
Bernard (sighing): Again, Tim?
Cassie & Kon: Again?!
Bernard: I've seen this happen with him so many times. At this point, his brain starts to cry.
Cassie: Don’t you mean die?
Tim sobbed for a few moments, his eyes fixed on his phone, before falling completely silent.
Bernard: Nah, I mean crying.
Tim: You've seen me do it before, and I can do it longer. The first record holder lasted 12 days! I can go even longer—like a full month! I can! Batman couldn't even do that!
Tim cackled rocking back and forth.
Tim: Coffee helps especially when you replace it with all other liquids.
Tim grabbed a large cup of coffee, his hands trembling uncontrollably. He took a few big gulps as Cassie looked on in shock, while Konnor blinked and then shrugged, taking a few sips from his tea. Bernard gently rubbed his boyfriend’s back.
Cassie: Dude, why are you even avoiding sleep?
Bernard (explaining for his boyfriend): The double life, regular paperwork and then hero work. Timmy, let's take you home okay?
Tim: Home, no home. I fall sleep. Sleep for the weak... Did you know if you look at the walls long enough, new people appear?
Tim waved, laughing nervously then tensed horrified.
Tim: Their faces are contorting again!
Bernard: Let's take you away from the scary... invisible person and get you home to not rest.
Bernard took Tim's hand and led him outside of the Dunkin' Donuts.
Cassie: I could not handle dating a batkid.
Konnor nodded.
Kon: I dated him for a while. Would not recommend.
----------------------------------------------------
Dick Grayson - 18 days and 15 minutes
Kori and Beast Boy walked into the Titans' living room. Raven was the only one there, deep in her daily meditation.
Kori: Where's Dick at?
Raven: Outside counting blades of grass.
Kori (confused): Counting blades of grass?
Beast Boy (frustrated): Oh Jesus, has he been awake for days again?
Raven nodded, her eyes still closed.
Raven (monotone): He'll crash any second, but he thought being outside in the sun would 'revitalize' him.
Beast Boy: That's not- I'll be back.
Beast Boy went outside where Dick was, indeed, counting blades of grass. BB approached him, tapping his foot. Dick looked up, his eyes wide and one twitching.
Dick: Hey- Hey- Hey buddy. Did you know we have one hundred thousand blades of grass? I- Did you change colors?
BB: What color do you think I am?
Dick squinted his eyes.
Dick: Blue.
BB: All right, we're on that color. How long have you been awake, buddy?
Dick: I stopped sleeping last Wednesday... Then a week passed... Then another, that was 14, now it's Saturday of the second week. And- I hear the world singing.
Dick lay on the ground, counting the same patch of grass as he whispered incoherent nonsense. Beast Boy crossed his arms, sighed, and walked back inside the tower.
BB: 18 days this time.
Beast Boy walked away as Kori covered her mouth in shock.
Raven: He's surpassing the world record holder. Also, his brain might be dying.
Kori (alarmed): Might be?!
Raven: He's a batkid, their brains are made of steel or something.
Kori: I have one trick that usually knocks him out—
Raven: I know it's sex.
Kori (giggling): Yes, but he falls asleep on top of me every time.
Raven sighed, shaking her head while Beast Boy left the house with a water bottle.
Beast Boy: Right, I'm going to give him this sleep juice Alfred sent us. He says it knocks them out in a few seconds.
Raven: Smart choice.
Beast Boy: Thanks.
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Jason Todd - 5 days
Jason: I can't sleep.
Roy: How long have you been awake?
Jason (groggy): About five days. Man, I tried to go to sleep, but my body physically won't let me.
Roy: Well, you have been drinking Red Bulls every other hour. You're too focused on the mission. Just go to sleep.
Jason shook his head, rocking back and forth.
Jason: Can't sleep… Won't sleep… No sleep.
Roy tapped his foot, thinking of a way to get him to sleep, then smiled.
Roy: You know you're becoming just like your dad. That's good; he can go six days without sleep. Maybe you'll—
Jason stood up, went to another room, closed his door, and fell into his bed to sleep.
Roy: Works every time.
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Damian - 1 day
Damian: I don't want to go to sleep! No!
Damian kicked his feet as Bruce dragged him to bed.
Bruce: Nope, you’ve stayed awake for 24 hours. That's it. Go to bed!
Damian: You're so unfair!
Bruce: You're not depriving yourself of valuable sleep—Alfred, shut up!
Alfred, who was reading a book about sleep disorders, smirked and then walked away.
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