#if this doesn’t make any sense yes it does. I’m very sleepy

[housewifebuck]

hi everyone! I've gotten several requests to make a tutorial on how to make gifs for someone just starting out and I finally got around to slapping a tutorial together.

This tutorial will cover:

software recommendations

choosing what to gif

creating a gif step by step with probably a lot of unnecessary detail

some tips and tricks:)

(This particular tutorial will not cover how to find tv and movies to download and gif, or any specific instructions on coloring. only the basic gif making process.)

so for the purposes of this tutorial, we will be using Adobe Photoshop, which is the most common program for making gifs, and the one I recommend. the version you have doesn't make a major difference in terms of capabilities but the interface may be slightly different looking if you have an older version or a different type of device. you cannot make or edit gifs in any mobile version of the photoshop application. Optionally, we will also be using Adobe Premiere Rush/Pro or another video editing software of your choice. wherever you are downloading Photoshop, whether from Adobe or a third party, you should easily be able to acquire Premiere as well. I am aiming to be as detailed as possible in this tutorial, so it may sound more time consuming than it really is. once you get the hang of things, it goes fast. the most time consuming part by far is the editing and coloring. in my opinion, one thing that majorly saves time while giffing is knowing your keyboard shortcuts and using your mouse/trackpad as little as possible. I will be going over these in this tutorial as well.

before we begin, some general tips:

gifs of single shots that do not cut between angles or subjects generally will look the best, barring exceptions

for a single gif set, choosing scenes and shots with similar lighting will be easiest to get to look uniform when compiled together, since editing wildly different looking scenes to have similar coloring and lighting is hard and takes some practice!

avoid shots that will require you to majorly crop or zoom to properly frame the subject, as this will greatly diminish quality

speaking of quality, gifs will look best using 1080p video, but you can get away with 720p as well. I would not recommend giffing with anything lower resolution than that

Tumblr's upload capacity for image and gif files is 10mb. be sure when exporting your finished gif that it is under that size. if it is a bit over, you can try trimming a few frames off your gif in the video timeline.

if you get frustrated, don't give up! giffing is hard and complicated especially if you are new to photoshop. I tried to make this tutorial as detailed as possible so it's easy to understand (although im sure I still forgot some stuff)

ok onto the tutorial!!!

STEP ONE: choose what range of frames you want to gif, and how.

once you have decided what you want to gif, there are two main way to convert your episode into a range of frames to make into a gif. the first is by screencapping. this involves downloading a program like mplayer or vlc which can be used to convert video files into "stacks" of screencaps, which can then be separated into whatever range of frames you want and imported into photoshop. this is seemingly by far the most common method I have seen amongst gifmakers*, but personally I don't care for it and I think it's more confusing and time consuming overall, so I will be explaining the second method: importing video frames to layers.

now, normally what this would mean is opening the full episode in photoshop and using the pathetic little playheads on either end of the scrub bar to trim the file into a clip. this is where your video editing software comes into play.

open whatever episode or movie you want to gif in your program. if it is a large file like a long movie in 1080p, this may take a few seconds. like I said, I am using Premiere Rush. I will be using a random episode of 9-1-1 for my example gif.

in your media browser, hover over whichever episode you want (you can also just add the whole episode to your project and scrub through, but that can take longer unless you know what time stamp you're after). click the fullscreen button by the bottom righthand corner.

now you can scrub through and trim the episode before you even import it to premiere. this makes trimming your clip even easier.

use the trim bar (yellow outlines) to trim as close as you can around the scene you want to gif.

then click this plus, and then "add" below. this will add the clip to your project.

now, move the blue playhead up to the frame you want your gif to start on. then, use the scissors button off to the left to slice the clip. select the portion before the playhead, and delete it.

now move the playhead to where you want the gif to stop. a good length for most gifs is around 1.5-2 seconds in my opinion. some may be shorter depending on how long the shot is, or longer if you plan on making them smaller (remember, the uploading capacity on Tumblr is 10mb per file.) trim again, now delete the portion after the playhead. you can also use the left and right arrows beside the play button to move frame by frame, and you can adjust the side of the horizontal scroll bar below your clip to “zoom” in on it and make scrubbing easier.

once you have your clip, go up to where it says "share". your clip will be rendered, and then you can click export to save it.

repeat step one as many times as you want for each gif. I know this may sound complicated, but like I said above once you get in the rhythm this step takes only a few seconds.

STEP TWO: create your gif!

close premiere. open photoshop. head to the control bar at the top. select file > import > import video frames to layers.

navigate to whatever folder you exported your clip to. select it, and hit enter. a second popup will appear asking you to select your range of frames. since you have already trimmed your clip to your liking, simply hit enter a second time.

now your screen looks like this, and we are going to crop and resize our gif! (troubleshooting: if you do not see the timeline bar at the bottom, select window from the control bar, scroll down, and make sure timeline is selected as part of your workspace. Adjustments and layers should be there automatically but if not add them too).

Tumblr posts are 540px wide, so in order to make my gifs as small as possible while maintaining quality, I typically crop my gifs to be around 550-600px wide, with varying heights depending on what shape I want the gif to be. experiment with this a little and decide what works for you. just don't make the width lower than 540px. once you have the portion of the frame you want inside the cropping grid, hit enter again. sometimes you have to hit it twice.

here are the measurements I am using for this gif

now in your timeline, select frame 1. hold down the shift key and scroll to the end to select the very last frame, thereby highlighting them all. from here we will edit our frame delay rate. photoshop will automatically set it to .03s, which will make your finished gif awkwardly fast. I typically use .05s, or .06s if I want a gif to be subtly slower (this comes in handy if the shot you are trying to gif is very short). anything longer than .06s will look weird though. choose "other" from this menu and type in your delay rate. make sure not to miss the zero after the decimal.

once you've set your frame rate, go to the other end of your timeline and click here to convert your frames into a video timeline.

then press option + command + A (on Mac) or windows + alt + A (on PC) to select all layers. then right click (control + click with a trackpad) on any one of the highlighted layers in your layers tab off to the right. scroll down in the popup menu and select Convert to Smart Object.

THAT'S IT!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! WE HAVE GIF!!!

from here comes the fun part!! you will begin adding action filters like sharpening as well as adjustment layers to color and edit your gif. experiment with different adjustments and styles until you find something you like. too many adjustment layers will up the size of the finished gif though, so I tend to keep mine to 3-4 layers max unless its a really hard to color scene. if anyone is interested in a separate coloring tutorial, please let me know!

once you are finished editing your gif, click file > export > save for web (legacy) OR hit shift + option + command + S. play your gif in the export window to make sure it looks okay, and then hit save!

I hope you guys find this helpful and informative! please hit up my in box if you have any questions or if anything doesn't make sense. happy giffing!!!

*one reason people seem to prefer screencapping to this method, is saving all the individual clips as video files does take up a lot of space on your scratch drive, which in turn can cause your computer to work slowly or crash programs. this can be rectified by making sure to delete the clips from your computer once you are done making the gifs. another space hoarder to look out for is the proxy files of your episodes that will be automatically saved to your hard drive whenever you add an episode to your project in Premiere. Periodically, go through your storage and delete all the .proxy video files. this will not delete the original episode files, only the proxy files created by Premiere.

tagging some mutuals to sb hehe: @shitouttabuck @lover-of-mine @honestlydarkprincess @eddiediaaz @compactdiscmp3 @eddiebabygirldiaz @bigfootsmom @callaplums @athenagranted @firemedicdiaz @sibylsleaves @loserdiaz @buck2eddie @diazass @eddiediaztho @giddyupbuck @monsterrae1 @icecreampotluck @sunflowerdiaiz @swiftfootedachilles @singlethread @aziraaphales @911onabc

[angelicdanvers]

BREATHE DEEPER | four.

a charlie bushnell x fem!reader social media fic.

y/n

liked by iamcharliebushnell, levizmiller, dior.n.goodjohn, and others

y/n — australia’s my new fav country

tagged | levizmiller

levizmiller i’m challenging you to another round of pool tonight ↳ y/n bet

iamcharliebushnell when’d you go to australia? 😭 ↳ y/n when u didn’t show up for acai bowls >:( ↳ iamcharliebushnell im sowwy ↳ y/n DONT YOU DARE ↳ iamcharliebushnell okok sorry but thought you'd be in london ↳ y/n soon, yeah :')

levizmiller y/n im gonna poke you ↳ y/n okayy hi ↳ levizmiller let’s get boba ↳ y/n YES

dior.n.goodjohn I MISS U COME BACK TO ME ↳ y/n once my australian chronicles are over i promise i will <3 ↳ dior.n.goodjohn WOOOO

walker.scobell youre pretty! ↳ y/n thanks lil dude!

i.am.andrewalvarez AUSSIEEE ↳ y/n THE SWEET ESCAPE FR

aryansimhadri DID YOU SEE KANGAROOS ↳ y/n NO NOT YET THOUGH I HOPE I DO

dailymail Y/n and Levi? ;)

user omg bf reveal happening??

user2 ive never held my breath this much

“GALILEO’S GALS” — 5 notifications!

chanel’s enemy Y/N

lee lee Y/N

dr dre why am i in this gc

chanel’s enemy because u are

lee lee we’re getting off topic Y/NNN CMERE

↳ hiiiii?

chanel’s enemy HIIII HRU ILY

↳ ILY TOO BAE IM GOOD WBU

chanel’s enemy WE GOOD WE HAVE SOME ?’s THO

↳ oh?

lee lee ARE YOU AND LEVI DATING

dr dre OHH THIS MAKES SENSE YEAH ARE YOU??

↳ nooooo

chanel’s enemy that’s a very interesting no

↳ we’re not but idk

chanel’s enemy what

lee lee girl wdym

↳ we’re not dating but i think he likes me? idk

dr dre do you like him back though???

↳ eh he’s very sweet but i’ve always seen him as a best friend, i don’t think we could be more

lee lee do you want to be more??

↳ i mean, i’d give him a chance if he asked? but it’s not anything i’m particularly into or wanting

chanel’s enemy okay that helps

↳ uhhh why

dr dre well if my sleepy ass remembers correctly, everyone and their mother are wondering if you’re dating

↳ nah that aint possible

lee lee it is, stupid dailymail picked up on it first 💀

↳ my manager’s asleep, no wonder she hasn’t updated me lol oh well idgaf they can think what they want

chanel’s enemy but even walker and charlie are 😭

↳ they’re gonna forget it in t-minus four secs it’s fine

dr dre whatever you say, ma’am but are you sure that ‘cryptic’ caption won’t cause any issues??

↳ uhh andrew you’re scaring me

dr dre what if someone likes you? like like-likes you and knows you and gets hella jealous or doubtful? and not saying charlie does but he was raving about how he might finally get to hang out with you, ONE ON ONE. what if he thinks he can't because he thinks you two are dating?

↳ bro first off ik you don’t like me, neither does aryan and i know its DEFINITELY not walker

lee lee girl he had a celeb crush on you a few years ago dont tell him i told u that

chanel’s enemy LMFAOOOO but no andrew has a point how come you didn’t mention charlie? 🤨

dr dre yeah i was just aboutta say 🤨 especially after my little analysis?

↳ SECONDLY, guys, charlie doesn’t. not one bit and that’s obvious, like he isn’t even in considerations. i understand what he may feel but he has nothing to worry about. he knows i won't ditch him or anything lol (right?) but if anything the only person that’d be a little confused or whatnot is william

chanel’s enemy WHAT?? AS IN WILLIAM FRANKLYN MILLER??

lee lee huh 😃

↳ we dated for a month back when we were 15 or so and realized we were way better off as friends

lee lee why ?

↳ idk i think i was just jealous of lily 😭 but anyways we’ve been just friends since and i’m completely happy with that. i don't see him romantically anymore, yeah he’s hot but like nah. but yeah if he was confused, it's probably because i was best friends with levi when we dated too and might question if he was the cause of our split?? AGAIN THATS IF HE OVERTHINKS IT

dr dre i feel like i’m reading an autobiographical analysis you definitely are fond towards “millers”

↳ ur welcome <333 and NO i am not

chanel’s enemy okok so we got several people who’d be jealous

↳ WHAT WDYM SEVERAL I ONLY LISTED ONE

lee lee ain’t no way you’re ignoring charlie

↳ DUDES I REALLY DONT THINK HE LIKES ME

dr dre but there could be a possibility? just don’t rule him out

↳ bro he doesn't like me 😭 but yeah trust me everything’s gonna be okay again i dont like anyone and no one likes me, and we'll make sure it's obvious i'm single in case anyone does though that may take a while... ANYWAYS

lee lee suuuuure you should hang out with charlie btw

↳ idk why but im scared to 😭

lee lee but you need to he misses you a lot yk

↳ doesn’t change the fact that im SCARED

lee lee WHY WOULD YOU BE SCARED ITS JUST CHARLIE

↳ IDK I JUST DONT WANNA SEEM STUPID OR UNATTRACTIVE AND SHIT

lee lee HE FLIRTS WITH YOU ALL THE TIME AND MESSES UP JUST AS MUCH, YOURE NOT THE EMBARRASSING ONE HERE

↳ DUDE I KNOW I CAN BE AND I DONT WANNA DRIVE HIM AWAY

dr dre sure you and levi hang out and are sweet and shit but BRO the teeth rotting sugar is you and charlie in your damn COMMENTS

↳ ITS NOT THAT BAD, IS IT?? 😭 GOD I HOPE CHARLIE DOESNT THINK OF ME ANY DIFFERENTLY

chanel’s enemy i think u like charlie, miss girl

↳ NO

dr dre nah, they’d be cute together, even charlie said so himself

chanel’s enemy you dumbass

dr dre uhhh ANYWAYS said too much im gonna sleep again love youse

lee lee BRO yeah night babes <3

chanel’s enemy LOVE U BAE GN

↳ what the duck STUPID AUTOCORRECT WHAT THE FUCK AINT NO WAY YALL JUST DIPPED fine ily guys too </3 BUT DONT THINK IM LETTING THAT GO EASILY ugh what do you guys mean 😭 aint no way thats true OKOK YK WHAT BYE!! FOR REAL THIS TIME

— taglist.

@shokocoded @istillremberthefirstfallofsnow @surftrips @svtsimp22 @gcidrvsh @idontevencare1223 @thames-fig @captainshischier @reggieslifeboat @multifandom-loser @wheelerslover @mermaid-mqtel @randomnpc456 @kaithoughs @isab3lita @mariposa555 @sunshinessky @myr-cheri @thedeadlynights @ella33 @c1nn4mng1rl @poppysrin @breadbrobin @lucy-the-ant @jules-loves-lukecastellan @taloulalila @tom-pls-fuck-me @mia-luvs @iknowyoureabigfan @rinisfruity14 @chasebeth @auttumnsayshi @prettygirlformula @alwayswndr @balletfilmss @kestisvrse @1forthemoney2forthekish @eissaaaa @emelia07 @toffytaste @soulaires @bearwon @happy-mushrooms @simrah1012 @blimp-blimp @obxstiles @yuminako @hopexcroc @mackycat11 @knowugetdejavu @0puddleofgender0

thank you so much for all your love and support, it really means the world to me. y/n's beginning to find out certain things, wonder where things will go from here 🤔

as always, i will continue updating the taglist :)

i love you and am so proud of you, stay safe and drink water <3

[peqchys]

❥ obey me demon form headcanons!!

these are a month or so old but i realized i never posted them so here we go!! [headcanons under cut!!]

lucifer!! ⁃ for the love of god he’s not goat boy he’s peacock boy ⁃ do i think he would let mc keep a pretty feather or two? yes. ⁃ i think he would spread his feathers when he’s super pissed ⁃ on a similar note, i think the boys would have some animalistic instincts related to their demon forms. so yes, lucifer WOULD try to use his pretty pretty feathers to attract mc [it works, somehow] ⁃ i don’t think he could FLY, per se, but he could probably lift himself off the ground a bit

mammon!! ⁃ a weird mix between bat and bird?? ⁃ he preens for sure!!! why? because i think it’s cute. ⁃ ^ he tries to “preen” mc also, if they’ll let him [just him playing with or brushing out their hair] ⁃ he has small claws/talons even out of his demon form ⁃ the whole bird demon thing just makes him like shiny things even more than he already does ⁃ ^ you may offer the mammon coins and jewelry to win his heart

levi!! ⁃ my favorite sea-monster-snake boy!! ⁃ LOVES water. likes to go swimming and showers + takes baths super frequently just to be in water [yes, the gamer boy showers] ⁃ sometimes hisses like a snake if he’s frustrated ⁃ has a super long tongue and can unhinge his jaw [because i’m a weirdo and i think it’s cool] ⁃ will wrap his tail around mc as a sign of affection ⁃ has sharp, shark-like teeth ⁃ curls up with his tail around himself like a snake!! ⁃ while he isn’t ahletic normally, he’s very good at swimming and super fast when he’s in water!!

satan!! ⁃ unicorn cat boy?? again a weird mix ⁃ will genuinely kick people like a horse if they piss him off or startle him. i’m not kidding ⁃ one of the RAD newpapers did say that satan’s birthmark was on his back, so i like to think that he has fur of some kind that we can’t see ⁃ his tail follows cat tail language!! so for example he wags his tail when he’s mad and curls it when he’s happy to see someone [probably mc] ⁃ will let mc pet his tail as long as they’re very careful ⁃ he can purr i will not take criticism on this

asmo!! ⁃ scorpion boy!! also has bat traits like mammon!! ⁃ CAN sting someone in self defense. ⁃ has more bat traits/behavior than mammon ⁃ ^ vampire bat to be specific!! yes, he can and will suck blood. ⁃ vampire bats are very cuddly with each other, which i think makes sense for asmo!! ⁃ ^ they also groom each other, so i think asmo would do the same with mc [regularly checking in with them and helping to fix their hair and/or makeup]

beel!! ⁃ my silly silly bug boy ⁃ y’know how flies rub their little hands together before they eat? yeah, beel does that too and he doesn’t even realize it. ⁃ in my take of his demon form, he has multiple sets of arms and eyes ⁃ flies are attracted to body heat, and so is beel. he’ll follow mc around the HOL and just hover around wherever they choose to settle down

belphie!! ⁃ funny little cow boy!!! ⁃ cows will follow around humans that they like, and belphie does the same thing!! even if he’s sleepy, he’ll follow mc around until they sit down and then he lets himself nap ⁃ ^ adding this together with the beel thing, the twins are basically completely attached to mc. you could go into any given room in the HOL and just see the three of them cuddled up in a pile. ⁃ ^ speaking of cuddling, cows like to be hugged and cuddled, and you can bet belphie does too!! he tries to fall asleep the same room as mc so that maybe he’ll get some cuddles. sometimes he’ll even force himself into their lap to ensure that he gets their attention. ⁃ i think that belphie wags his tail when happy or comfortable. i know that cows don’t actually do that but let me have this lol

[eli0004]

Any Levi headcanons you’d like to share with the audience 🥹

Whew😮‍💨 Anon, as a dedicated Levi stan of multiple years, you know i do!

Pairing: Levi x GN! Reader

Synopsis: Random relationship hcs!!! Woohoo!

Warnings: Levi struggling with emotions, gossiping, mentions of substance use, very slight nsfw implication

Levi isn’t really someone who cares too much about what music he listens to. He’ll listen to whatever you put on, even if it’s like…loud angry metal, he’ll sit there like 😬 Yes this is great i love it and i’m absolutely not horribly overstimulated right now. He just likes to see you happy.

This man is made of 100% husband material. He thrives living the quiet married life, and feeling appreciated and loved for doing the simplest, most menial household chores.

For the most part, if you were to ask him if he wants children i think he would say no, but then he watches you interact with children and it patches up this broken place inside of him, and suddenly he’s dreaming of little feet pattering around the house.

If he accidentally hurts your feelings with some dumb joke he made, he will feel intensely guilty. It will eat him alive, he can’t believe himself. But he also has no idea how to say that, so he’ll just make you tea and torture himself over it.

Even if you’re years into your relationship with him and living together, he still gets butterflies when he sees you again after a long day. You’re his solitude, his safe place, his home isn’t a home without you there in it.

He likes to listen to you gossip with your friends. Every once in a while he’ll pipe in and share his thoughts on something, and you’re like…? Since when did you start paying attention to this?

He has a high tolerance for alcohol, but half an edible has him absolutely faded. It’s actually ridiculous. And high Levi is so soft and sleepy, and he seems so genuinely relaxed, it’s a blessing to be able to witness him in that state.

Levi is hardly interested in status symbols, and values practicality over luxury. In a modern AU he probably drives a slightly beat up older classic car, but has no idea it’s a classic, so when car people compliment it he’s like ??? Tf

He’s a slightly picky eater, but if you make dinner one night and it doesn’t look appetizing to him, he’ll gather every ounce of courage in his body to take a bite and try it for you, since you went out of your way to make him something.

He has a keen sense of smell, and he loves fresh, fragrant aromas. He definitely stops in the candle aisle in the grocery store to smell all of them, and then gives himself a massive headache.

When you get out of the shower and smell all nice and clean, that shit gets him so bricked up.

I mentioned this before in another post, but if you ask him to pick something up from the store and it’s on a shelf he can’t reach, he will literally leave that store and go to a different one. He’s not going to ask the 16 year old cashier girl to help him reach it, and he’s definitely not climbing the shelves like a mad man. You’ll just have to wait a while longer.

Literally blushes from ear to ear when you call him pretty, or cute. If he gets compliments on his physical appearance, it’s usually said that he’s “sexy” or “handsome” which are still great things to hear, but it’s about the loving adoration in your eyes and the gentleness with which you touch his face. The genuine honesty behind your compliments, and the way it feels like you see something in him that nobody else does.

[emmy-dekarios-bg3]

Heart of the Weave - chapter 43

I woke up the following morning to the sound of Karlach shouting “HELLO?!” outside our front door, which is more than enough to startle the hells out of me. Damn, it’s already morning? I turn to face Gale, who is smiling at me in admiration and gazing at me with his sleepy eyes.

“Are you ready to get this all over with?” he questions, and suddenly a sense of dread flows through my immortal veins. I inhale as I close my eyes, then exhale the tension built up inside me. We need to save Rolan. He needs our help. The thought of him losing his life because of me aches me in a way I can’t describe, and I wish they would’ve found another way to convince me to come.

“Yes. We need to leave. The quicker, the better. We can’t allow anything to happen to Rolan.” Part of me is wondering what would happen if Gortash does end up spotting us somehow, and what he would say to me. I’d at least want some sort of apology or explanation from him, not that I’d forgive the manipulative bastard. I don’t think I could ever forgive him.

“Alright, Jenevelle. Are you ready for your first adventure? Though…I feel very negative about the entire journey,” I mumble as I button up her onesie. “It will be alright. You’re here with momma and daddy, and we won’t let anyone touch you.” I pick her up and hold her close, burping her before placing her in her stroller.

“Tara, don’t cause any trouble around the house please,” Gale alerts her. “There will be consequences.”

“Why Gale, I’d never!” He opens up the front door, letting me out first before shutting it behind him. I inhale the morning air that smells of lemongrass and lavender, which tempts me to bake a pie; I’m guilty of spoiling Gale with my desserts. The soothing sound of the chimes above our door also helps keep me at ease, even just mildly. The refreshing area of Waterdeep makes it easy to forget that I’m about to go on an adventure with a mysterious outcome.

“I tried telling Karlach you guys have a baby, so you’d be taking your time. Unfortunately, she doesn’t quite understand that patience is a virtue,” Wyll teases. “I love her anyway.”

“Well, yeah. True. My husband calling me out like it means nothing, pssssht. Get a load of this guy. Anyway! How’s my favorite baby in the world? Sssh, Don’t tell Shadowheart and Astarion I said that.” She leans in to look at Jenevelle and plays with her tiny hands, causing our baby to smile with pure joy. Despite the horrors, looking at our baby smile does help; as long as she’s happy, I’ll be okay.

“We’re outside and that’s good enough for her. The glistening sun warming her baby skin, the sound of birds singing, the exquisite and various aromas of the forests,” Gale says, smiling down at Jenevelle.

“Ha! Can’t say I blame her,” Halsin responds, his face lighting up. “She has great taste.”

It’s rather early in the morning, so hopefully we can make it to Moonrise without having to camp, though we will need to make a few stops to eat and attend to our daughter’s needs. Off we go, strolling upon the road that will lead us to a fate we aren’t sure of, but hoping we save Rolan in the process. Today I’ll make a choice that will rid my life of the evil that’s been stuck to me like a parasite; at least it’s not a damn illithid tadpole.

I’m so on edge, believing Fanden has his bloodthirsty eyes on us wherever we go. As I imagine him, Gortash, and Ketheric, I feel an unusual tingling sensation within me that I’m not familiar with, almost like an urge or a strange power building up inside my body. Is this the same peculiar feeling Gale had when he released his power at the Bhaal temple?

It’s been so long since I’ve been adventuring, I almost forgot what it even felt like and it’s more strange as a druid. I love nature, but am I really dedicated enough to be a druid? Once this is all over, I may pursue my dreams as a bard and perform at the local circus. Hells, maybe play at a few restaurants around town.

After roughly five miles, we stop to eat and so I may feed Jenevelle, who is starting to become just a little fussy. I sit down on a nearby log to feed her a bottle while our friends get the campfire going for lunch.

“You know, on the bright side, I’ll get to destroy Gortash for the second time. Nothing like kicking someone’s ass and handing them a plate of karma, served by Karlach Cliffgate.” I’m honestly looking forward to her handing it straight with him, but hopefully Ketheric won’t be a huge problem.

As we sit down to eat, I feel yet again another unsettling presence, but can’t seem to locate it anywhere no matter how hard I try to investigate the area around us. Sigh. Karlach and Wyll sit across from me, while Halsin is out somewhere picking some fruits and vegetables to roast on the fire. Gale sits down next to me and gently takes Jenevelle from my arms.

“My love, go ahead and eat. I’ll change the baby and hold her while you do so,” he says ever so sweetly, being his wonderful and considerate self as usual.

“Also, mate, are you doing alright? You’re awfully quiet.” Karlach’s right; I really haven’t said much this entire time, but I was hoping no one would notice. I smile nervously, trying to mask my anxiousness but I don’t think anyone is buying it.

“Of course, I’m just ready for it all to be over.”

“And it will be soon enough. When it’s all done and in the past, we will all enjoy life again. We just have to stay positive and assume Gortash, Ketheric, and Fanden can’t come back from their graves,” Wyll assures me. “Didn’t one of them mention Orin couldn’t come back because she was much weaker after being resurrected? I’m sure that applies to Ketheric and Gortash as well.”

“I’m almost certain Bane and Myrkul won’t give those bastards a third chance. Fanden on the other hand, well, that’s uncertain,” I mutter. Gale sits back down next to me, holding our now happy baby who is fully fed, cleaned, and ready to party. I stare down at my sandwich and sigh, forcing myself to eat. “Also, I keep thinking Fanden has his eyes on us somehow; he is sneaky as hell after all. I could be overthinking it.”

“Now that you mention it, we probably should have some sort of backup plan in case all-else fails,” Halsin mentions, and boy I didn’t think of that. I lack in the intelligence department. He’s right. Should the situation arise that I do come face-to-face with my father, I need to make sure he stays the hell away from Jenevelle.

“Gale, my love –”

“Oh no, you aren’t thinking of confronting him if our plan fails, are you?” Worry stirs in his voice like a spoon with a cup of tea. “He wants your immortality and if he takes you, I’m not sure how far we’ll get. I’m not sure how we can save you. I can fight them, but Jenevelle would be with our mortal friends, and it just… It could end badly. They want either you or her. Or both.”

“Gale, honey, I need you to stay back with Jenevelle. I don’t want to say out loud what my plan is in case we’re being spied on, but…trust me. Please.” His dreary brown eyes are filled with fear, pleading that I don’t do anything rash. As I gaze into those eyes, I feel the intense power again continuously getting stronger, which could be our savior through this dire predicament.

[stargazer-sims]

Beyond the Broken Parts

Eden: Everything okay?

Haru: Yeah.

Eden: Sorry for invading your privacy, but you were in here a really long time, and you didn't answer when I knocked and called your name. I got worried.

Haru: Sorry about that. I didn't even hear you knocking. I guess I zoned out for a few minutes. It happens sometimes.

Eden: Are you sure you're all right?

Haru: I'm okay. Just a little tired. I figured I'd take my medication while I was in here, so I wouldn't forget before bed. You know, 'cause my routine is different with you here. But then, uh... I kinda forgot what I was doing anyway.

Eden: I didn't know you have to take medication.

Haru: It's for my brain.

Eden: I shouldn't want to laugh at that, but...

Haru: Yeah... that came out wrong. Remember, I explained how I have problems because of all the alcohol and drugs and stuff my mother was using?

Eden: I remember.

Haru: I need something to regulate all my brain chemicals and calm me down. Otherwise, I'd be so hyper that I'd probably be flying off the walls, and I wouldn't be able to think or focus long enough to have an intelligent conversation or learn anything. Or even basically take care of myself, I guess.

Eden: I'm sorry.

Haru: You shouldn't be. This is my everyday life. It's not a bad thing. It's just... you know. A thing. It's not something I really talk about with anyone, but it's always been a part of who I am.

Eden: I won't tell anybody.

Haru: I appreciate that. It's not something I'd want the whole world to know.

Eden: That's totally understandable. Your friends know, though, right?

Haru: They all know I take medication, but only Ryu and Taiji know exactly what it's for. Keigo might know too, but not from me telling him. I'd never tell him or Senjirō, unless I absolutely had to. I only tell my private stuff to people I trust.

Eden: Are you saying you trust me? Even though we've only known each other for a short time? You've known those guys for like, five or six years, haven’t you?

Haru: About five years, yeah. Sometimes, the longer you know somebody, the less you trust them, though. I mean, I trust Keigo to a point. Like, he's a good person and he'd never intentionally hurt anyone, and I like him, but I'm just not comfortable sharing some stuff with him.

Eden: And Senjirō?

Haru: I think we can say we're friends, but not great friends. He doesn’t take me seriously, and we have too many differences to be really close. And to answer your other question, yes I trust you.

Eden: Thank you. That means a lot.

Haru: You already mean a lot to me.

Eden: Same. I honestly didn't know it was possible to fall for somebody this fast, but I'm glad to be discovering it with you.

Haru: Me too.

Eden: If you're really tired, maybe we should go to bed now. There's no reason to stay up any later, especially if you need to rest your brain.

Haru: My brain could use some rest. The problem is, I’m tired but I’m not sleepy, if that makes sense.

Eden: It does. If you’re not sleepy, we can cuddle in bed. That’ll be easy on your brain.

Haru: I like this plan.

Eden: Good, because I really want to cuddle with you.

Haru: Shirtless?

Eden: Apparently, skin-to-skin contact is very therapeutic.

Haru: You think it works on brains, too?

Eden: *smiling* There’s only one way to find out. We can get a good night’s rest, and maybe you’ll feel better in the morning

Haru: I usually feel great in the mornings. It’s once the day gets going that it sometimes goes all to hell. I don't know why changes in my routine are so hard, but whenever there's the smallest difference, it's like I'm using up three times as much energy just to deal with simple, normal things.

Eden: That must make travelling and being on tour really difficult and stressful for you.

Haru: Yeah, but it's worth it. I always get really energized from the audience. I might have to sleep for most of the next day, or the day after if we have back-to-back shows, but I'm totally willing to do it for that big crowd energy.

Eden: I wish there was something I could do to help you. To make everything better somehow.

Haru: You know what? You're already doing it.

Eden: How? What am I doing?

Haru: Supporting me. Taking me seriously. Being somebody who knows I'm broken and who sees past the broken pieces.

Eden: Haru—

Haru: What?

Eden: You're so much more than your 'broken pieces' as you call them. Maybe you've got issues most people don't have, and like you said, it's part of who you are, but you're a whole person with a million different parts. An amazing person with a million amazing parts. That's what I see.

Haru: How'd you get to be so beautiful? On the inside as well as the outside, I mean.

Eden: I credit my mother, mostly. She says acceptance is the most important thing when it comes to other people. Like, everybody matters, without having to qualify it.

Haru: I think I already like your mother.

Eden: When you feel ready for it, we can FaceTime with her and my dad, and I'll introduce you. I think Mommy will really like you, too.

[echo-bleu]

3x01 coda, so spoilers ahead. Also on AO3.

Jaskier ascribes his lack of sleep to the action of the day, at first. He did, after all, get shot. Yes, alright, the arrow only left him with an impressive set of bruises around his shoulder blades, and a broken lute (it’s only the fourth lute he’s gone through in the last six months, and he’s forced to admit that none of Cyssiel’s lutes are quite as good as Filavandrel’s, but still, they don’t come cheap). His back aches and so does most of his body. He’s surrounded by soft breathing and the more distant snorts coming from the horses. He’s not used to this any more.

But no, it’s more than that. He’s grown stronger, tougher outside of Geralt’s zone of action. Today wasn’t even in the top five worst dangers of the last year. He barely had time to be properly afraid for himself – only for Ciri, for the dwarves, for Geralt and Yennefer, until he heard a swish and a thud and felt himself falling. He’s fine.

It’s something else.

He’s not the only one awake. Geralt is sitting in meditation, on watch as always, his eyes closes but his senses on alert. Yennefer and Ciri are snuggled against each other, but neither of their breathings has the regularity of sleep. Are they bothered by the day, too?

There’s Rience, of course. His continued existence sends a shiver down Jaskier’s spine. That day in Oxenfurt, now, that ranks as one of his worst. Top one, possibly. He’s never quite got it out of his head, the flame burning his fingers, the sheer terror of the moment.

He’s after Ciri. Jaskier can’t imagine how terrifying this must all be for her, running and running with half the Continent after her. She’s the only reason he came and faced this. He’s not the brave type, but she is.

As if reading his thoughts, Ciri makes a small, sleepy noise and climbs over Yennefer to curl up against him. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m alright,” Jaskier murmurs.

“No, you’re not.”

Yennefer sits up, perfectly composed, like she was never lying down at all. Geralt opens his eyes and catches Jaskier’s gaze, shaking his head.

No lying, then. Alright.

“I don’t know,” he sighs. “Something’s rubbing me the wrong way.”

“Rience?” Yennefer asks, and of course, she saw just how shaken he was, afterwards.

Jaskier shakes his head. “You did save me, in Oxenfurt.”

“Only after you risked yourself to get me and a bunch of elves on a ship.”

“Yeah.”

Silence falls uneasily. Ciri embraces Jaskier’s waist tighter. Jaskier sits up – groaning softly as the ache moves down his back – and gathers her into his lap like a much smaller child.

“We’re going to get him,” Geralt says, with all the quiet confidence that he usually deploys for Ciri.

Jaskier doesn’t particularly believe him.

“It’s not just him,” he says, unconsciously rubbing his fingertips. “The Scoia’tael.”

“What about them?”

“They attacked us.”

He doesn’t even know how to express it, how to explain almost two years of working with the elves in a few words, how to explain that…

That sense of betrayal.

The elves have been betrayed first, of course, and over and over. Jaskier has gained quite the perspective on that, recently. They’re doing the best with the scraps they have left, and they’re rightfully angry.

Jaskier has no right to feel betrayed.

“Their commander,” he says carefully. “Gallatin. He saved my life, once.”

“What?” Geralt frowns.

“Stormed a Temerian army camp. It’s a very long story.” Jaskier avoids everyone’s eyes. Ciri half sits up to look at him, but he looks away. “My point is, the Scoia’tael don’t attack dwarven caravans, not unprovoked. And Gallatin knows me. Half of these elves were my friends. Why would they do this?”

“It’s Francesca,” Yennefer says quietly. “Their queen. She’s the only fully elven mage I know of, and she’s… driven. She said Ciri is Hen Ichaer.”

“Their queen? Don’t they have a king? Filavandrel…”

“Is more of a King Consort, really. At least, from what I saw when they had me prisoner.”

“Right.”

“Can we go back to the Scoia’tael saving your life?” Geralt asks.

Jaskier would really rather ask about the Hen Ichaer thing – it rings a bell that he can’t quite put his finger on – but both Geralt and Yennefer are staring at him and he can’t escape them.

“Erm,” he says. He starts fiddling with Ciri’s braid, if only to stop himself from rubbing at his fingers until they hurt. “I kind of got captured by Temerian soldiers?”

“Captured?” Yennefer echoes, just as Geralt growls, “When?”

“Uh, like three months ago? It was after the… before the… yeah. But not for long! I was only there for two days!”

He’s not helping his case, apparently.

“Gallatin and his commando got me out,” he says hurriedly. “I wasn’t even hurt! Just a few bruises and scrapes and, you know, all fine.”

Dammit. Now they look downright furious. Even Ciri, looking up at him from his lap, has wide eyes.

“Why were you captured by Temerians,” Geralt asks, his voice dangerously low.

“Because I’m the Sandpiper?”

Geralt blinks. Yennefer winces. Jaskier suddenly remembers why he never told Geralt about that, back at Kaer Morhen.

Well, to be fair, there were many reasons. They were busy. There was the whole business with the Deathless Mother, whatever that was, and trips to other spheres, and various witchers not really liking Jaskier’s presence. It’s not like he meant to keep it from Geralt, really.

He just found it easier to let him assume whatever he wanted.

“You’re the Sandpiper?” Ciri pipes up. “We heard about that! That’s so cool! So you help all the elves get out of the places where they’re being persecuted?”

“I try,” Jaskier smiles shakily at her.

She smiles back and hugs him tight.

Geralt is still silent. Jaskier doesn’t like that at all.

“The Sandpiper,” he says eventually, slowly, staring at Jaskier.

“Yes?”

“You’ve chosen a side, then.”

The silence is deafening. Jaskier holds Geralt’s gaze the best he can – not very well. But this isn’t something he’s going to defer to him on.

“I’ve chosen to help those who need it,” he says, lifting his chin.

“And here I thought I was putting you in too much danger asking for your help.”

It’s Jaskier’s turn to fall silent. He swallows, goes back to rubbing his fingertips.

“I won’t lie, I’m not in a hurry to face Rience again,” he says. “But I am also currently wanted in three countries. So as far as danger goes, today was rather… tame.”

Geralt sighs. “This isn’t what I wanted for you.”

“I know.” Jaskier swallows. “I know you never wanted me to follow you. I know you never thought I had it in me, and I still wonder daily if I really do. But this is my choice, Geralt.”

“You’ve come a long way from that vapid singing twat I first met,” Yennefer says quietly, a smirk on her lips. Ciri snorts.

“Excuse you?” Jaskier splutters. “I have never in my life been vapid!”

“Nevertheless, I’m proud of you, Pankratz.”

Jaskier flashes her a smile, before turning back to Geralt and biting his lip.

“This isn’t about you, Geralt. Don’t get me wrong, I love you all, but not everything revolves around you. I just saw people who needed help I could give, and… it’s been rewarding, even though it’s sometimes scary.”

“You mean dangerous.”

“Well, yes. But I’m here, aren’t I? Not dead yet. I might just be a squishy human, but I’ve made it work so far.”

Geralt considers him for a moment more, then finally nods.

“Dara was one of them,” Ciri says suddenly. “The Scoia’tael.”

Jaskier runs his fingers through her hair, above the braid. “Dara?”

“He was my friend. I think. I met him after I ran from Cintra, we were together for weeks. He left, but… I saw the look in his eyes. He was ready to kill me.”

“They didn’t want you dead,” Yennefer says.

“Still. He… I almost didn’t recognize him.”

“I’m sorry,” Jaskier whispers to her.

She has that same feeling of betrayal in her voice, the one that they probably shouldn’t feel – aren’t they, in some way, the traitors? The humans, the oppressors?

But the elves’ oppressed status are doesn’t give them a right to Ciri. Jaskier doesn’t know how to reconcile that – he’d happy to see King Vizimir overturned (to see his head on a pike? maybe not) for all he’s done, to see the royalty pay for their actions. Yet, Ciri is a princess too – worse, Calanthe’s granddaughter.

She’s a kid, who’s already shed a childhood of prejudice and sworn to do better. She deserves a life. She deserves the world.

So what are they supposed to do, facing friends on the other side of a battleground? Is that what war always is?

He settles for hugging Ciri a while longer.

He thinks of Gallatin and his anger, Cyssiel and her fears, Dermain guiding people through the tunnels, and even Filavandrel, so many years ago, when Jaskier was naive and so privileged that he didn’t get it. Of Yarpen, of Holma and the other dwarves in the network. Are they fighting each other too, now? The threat of Philippa and Dijkstra cutting them off was bad enough, but this? How are they supposed to keep going?

His back aches. He longs for Vespula’s soft bed, and yet he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. Ciri snuggles her head against his belly, halfway to falling asleep. Maybe it’s just too late for complicated thoughts.

“Goodnight, princess,” he murmurs.

“Night, Jask,” Ciri whispers back.

Without dislodging her, Jaskier carefully lies back down on his side. After a moment, he feels a weight settle against his back, careful of his bruises. “Night, Geralt,” he says. “And Yen,” when another form curls around Ciri’s.

He’s missed them.

He closes his eyes. Maybe things will seem better in the morning light.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

questions that only your mind can answer:

1. suguru as a poet. y/n? if y, who do you think his favorite poet would be?

2. what siken poem is the most sugu coded?

3. if satoru was a type of poem what kind would he be and why?

thank you for your time my ari.

WAHHHHH MY IO……… 🥺🥺🥺 you have no idea how loud i squealed when i saw this LMAO thank you sm for giving me an excuse to gush over stsg and poetry at the same time i feel so privilieged 😭😭😭 UMMM UM LET ME THINK!!!!

1/ first off. BIG yes. huge yes. he’s so poetcoded it makes me ILL. io i’m convincedddd that this man would be a literature major and i’m not just saying that bc i’m biased ok…. i just feel like he would have a fondness for the arts yk :33 particularly writing. i can picture him as a poet so easily bc everything he does and says is flowery and soft…. poet!sugu would make us swoooooon

i’m a bit sleepy rn so at first i thought you meant y/n as in like .. The Reader 😭😭 BUT THEN I STARTED THINKING ABT POET!READER TOO AND. wow. theee power couple ever !!! aaa io he’d be so perfect :((( sugu would be such a supportive bf no matter what his s/o did for a living but w any kind of writer i just think he’d be so Good. proofreads for you all the time!! he’s your most loyal reader… your biggest fan…. reads alllll your little poems when you’re away and he misses you :((( and he writes you his own !!! they’re so mushy and pretty and sweet…… hhhh. he’s just. the best!!! T_T brags abt your writing to satoru alllll the time but doesn’t let him read any of it w/o your consent (maybe even with it LMAO)… i just think he’d feel so honoured if his shy little poet!s/o only let him read their works :’3

nooo i’m not projecting at alllll… wdym…..

OOOHH AND AND. his favorite poets!!! as much as i’d love to say siken i don’t think that’s really his style. suguru strikes me as the type to enjoy very flowery writing, a bit musical-leaning in the rhythm and structure and stuff!! also season-based…. i’m thinking verlaine and rimbaud and nakahara. french symbolist poets and anyone inspired by them!! as for a more modern example i think he lovesss mary oliver and louise glück :3 october is one of his favorites!!! these lines remind me a lot of him….

Summer after summer has ended, balm after violence: it does me no good to be good to me now; violence has changed me.

This is the present, an allegory of waste. So much has changed. And still, you are fortunate: the ideal burns in you like a fever. Or not like a fever, like a second heart.

This is the light of autumn; it has turned on us. Surely it is a privilege to approach the end still believing in something.

hmmm….. a part of me wants to say he really enjoys frank bidart too. the war of vaslav nijinsky makes me think of him!!! :0 the themes of morality and guilt.. especially this line for some reason:

romola. diaghilev. i have eaten the world.

maybe it’s bc of his ct but . i just feel like he’d enjoy poetry abt hunger and eating in a more abstract sense… devouring…. etcetc. it’s a big contrast to the usual nature-based flowery prose he reads but sugu loves having his contrasts so. i think it makes sense!!

all in all i think he has very good taste. he’s not afraid to dip his toes into other genres either!!

2/ IO . 🥺🥺 MY SWEETHEART….. i literally cried i can’t believe you’re indulging me like this i started shaking w excitement……… i just went through crush + war of the foxes and if i had to narrow it down to just a single poem (<- extremely difficult task!! pls be proud) it’d have to be…… little beast.

if i had to sum this poem up with two words they’d be violent and tender… which is the case for all of siken’s poems tbf 😭 but that yearning for tenderness in the midst of violence is just so, so evident here. it always guts me. there are softer poems that i’d compare suguru to, but if we’re talking about canon suguru, his connection to satoru, his fate and ideals and desperate yearning for love… then i think this one is the most fitting.

obv this is tied to my own interpretation but!! at the end of the day. i see suguru as someone who craves tenderness. he craves love and intimacy and what drove him to his breaking point was the realization that he wouldn’t get it without slaughter. i think that line between violence/gentleness drives him insane but he has no choice but to tiptoe around it. and that’s what this poem makes me think of. some lines remind me of stsg and that dichotomy in their relationship, others just of suguru and his mental state…. and also his charm. that dangerous edge to him. the contrasting softness. the poem gets more violent as it goes on but the love never fades and that’s what really gets me.

the radio aches a little tune that tells the story of what the night is thinking. it’s thinking of love. it’s thinking of stabbing us to death and leaving our bodies in a dumpster. that’s a nice touch, stains in the night, whiskey and kisses for everyone.

someone once told me that explaining is an admission of failure. i’m sure you remember, i was on the phone with you, sweetheart.

i know history. there are many names in history but none of them are ours.

you could drown in those eyes, i said. the fact of his pulse, the way he pulled his body in, out of shyness or shame or a desire not to disturb the air around him.

you could drown in those eyes, i said, so it’s summer, so it’s suicide, so we’re helpless in sleep and struggling at the bottom of the pool.

more frequently i was finding myself sleepless, and he was running out of lullabies.

but damn if there isn’t anything sexier than a slender boy with a handgun, a fast car, a bottle of pills.

we pull our boots on with both hands but we can’t punch ourselves awake and all i can do is stand on the curb and say sorry about the blood in your mouth. i wish it was mine.

i couldn’t get the boy to kill me, but i wore his jacket for the longest time.

…… honourable mentions to landscape with fruit rot and millipede + birds hover the trampled field + snow and dirty rain

3/ aaaand finally !!! this question was kinda tough… but soooo much fun to think abt. <33

i think satoru is the kind of poem that stays with you forever. the kind that pulls you in with a really gripping opening line, forces you to read it all in one sitting, and then you’re left wondering what the hell it was even about. flowery but with no real substance until you dig really deep, and then it’s all you can see. the kind of poem you could pick apart for hours and hours……. a real gem. but it’s comforting, above all else. he’s like a collection of poetry that makes you smile just to hold it!!! :>

now !!! some questions for you !!!!! >:3

how do you think satoru would be w a poet!s/o?

any thoughts on poet!nanami..? 👀

[grayskies2525]

An Admirable Denial |M/M| Part 8

Word Count: 4,324 Words

Connor’s surprised to wake up inside of his car, reclined back in the passenger seat. He wonders if he’s ever fallen asleep in a car before; he doesn’t think so. He also wonders why every part of his body is aching. Simply the contact from his clothes pressed against his skin is causing discomfort.  Even his eyelids hurt. 

Scattered bits of thoughts flit through his mind out of order as he tries to slowly come out of his sleepy state. He’s sick — very sick —  that’s the first thing of note he remembers. Then, other things start trickling in.

The expo, the snakes, the … tarantula? 

Connor furrows his brows as he tries to conjure more vivid memories so everything will start making more sense. 

Yes, Felix adopted a tarantula. At a Reptile Expo. Because, of course he did. If Connor had realized there were going to be spiders at the expo, he may have reconsidered taking Felix to it. In hindsight, even as hazy and disordered as it may currently be, he realizes that it does make sense for arachnids to be at the expo —  since the same insane people who are interested in reptiles would also, naturally, be interested in tarantulas. He internally groans as he realizes he’s going to now have to coexist with the world’s most terrifying creature. 

“How are you feeling?” a voice asks from the driver’s seat. 

Connor, still unable to muster the immense effort it will take to open his eyes, just murmurs something he’s sure is unintelligible. He decides going back to sleep is the best course of action. Going back to sleep means he won’t have to talk, and most importantly, won’t have to open his eyes. The problem with this, though, is that his incessant shivering is keeping him from falling back into the gentle lull sleep promises. Also, he feels a burgeoning tickle in his sinuses. 

He’s too tired and too achy to sneeze. Eyelids tightly shut, he tries to ignore the tickle. 

“Hhhhh hhhh hh HEH-MPF’SHUUUUH!”

He aims the unwelcomed sneeze at the door, feeling too weak to raise an arm to cover it. The sneeze irritates both his throat and chest, and he finds himself lost in a fit of coughing.

“That good, huh?” Felix asks, and Connor realizes he’d forgotten Felix was still there — which is silly because of course Felix would still be there. He’s the one driving the car. The car. That’s right —  he’s in a car, and Felix is driving and they’re going… he can’t hold onto the thought long enough to figure it out. His cough is back and he can’t stop shivering. 

“B-b-b-blanket?” Connor asks through his chattering teeth.

There’s some hesitation, which frustrates Connor because he’s sure he’s never been so cold in his entire life and he needs a blanket. “There’s no blanket in the car,” Felix’s soft, gentle voice finally says. “But I can turn the heat up a little, though it’s already pretty high…. You’re that cold?” 

“C-c-c-can’t s-stop sh-sh-shivering.”

“Okay, then. I’ll turn up the heat,” Felix says. 

Connor remains quiet, with the exception of his chattering teeth. 

“Hehh-p’tshooo! Hmp’shooo! Hmp-shuuh!”

And his sneezing. They come out weak, his body seeming to lack the energy to make them any more forceful. 

“Shit,” he hears Felix say. “You never took anything to bring your fever down, did you? I meant to give you a couple after I came back with Edna, but… I forgot. Shit,” he says again. “I’m so bad at this,” Felix says, sounding disappointed. Connor doesn’t know what Felix thinks he’s bad at. He wants to reassure Felix that he can’t possibly be bad at anything, but that would take a lot of words and his energy is being quickly depleted by all the sneezing, coughing, and shivering.

“Ep-shuuh! H’ptshuuh! P’shhh! P’shhh!”

These sneezes come out fast and wet. He didn’t bother turning his head, letting them mist the air in front of him.

“Okay,” he hears Felix say. “Okay, it’s fine. I’ll just give you some now. I know there’s a bottle somewhere around in the console.”

Connor manages to drift off, somewhat, but his eyes open slightly when he hears Felix’s voice again, sounding… frantic. 

“How the hell is it empty? Who puts an empty bottle back instead of throwing it away?” 

“Ep-shoo! Ep-shoo! Ep-shoo! Ep-shhhhh!” The sneezes are weak but they just keep coming. He wants them to stop so he can go back to sleep.

“Okay, so new plan. I’ve got to make a stop somewhere. We’ll get some Tylenol in you and you’ll start feeling better soon. I promise,” Felix says.

Connor keeps his arms tightened around himself as shiver after shiver wracks his body.

__________

He frowns as he feels a hand on his forehead that quickly moves to his cheeks, then his neck. The hand must be Felix’s, but isn’t Felix driving the car? This is when he realizes the car is no longer moving. They must be stopped somewhere. Had he fallen asleep?

Felix is cussing to himself, voice low. Connor wants to reach out a hand to comfort him, but he can’t even open his eyes, let alone move an entire limb. 

“Here, keep this under your tongue,” Felix says as Connor feels something against his lips. He, instinctively, opens his mouth. Felix slides something under Connor’s tongue. The still functioning part of Connor’s brain finally identifies it as a thermometer. Felix must be checking his temperature. Connor thinks the gesture is pointless, given that Connor already knows he's running a fever.

But, still, while still keeping his eyes closed, he lets the thermometer stay in his mouth while Felix holds it in place. 

Finally, it beeps. Felix removes the thermometer, then mutters something under his breath that Connor can’t discern. As he’s drifting back off to sleep, he’s stirred awake, again. This time, Connor does finally open his eyes, but only halfway. He sees Felix holding his hand out, as if Connor’s supposed to take something from it, but Connor just lets his eyes fall shut again.

 A moment later, Felix is pressing something else to his lips. “You need to take these so you can get better. Your fever’s really high and I… I don’t know what to do, Connor. How high can a fever be until you have to take someone to the hospital?” Felix asks. Connor doesn’t know the answer to the question — at least not at the moment. Connor imagines the list of questions he is capable of answering right now could fit on a sticky note — one of the small ones that people use for aesthetic reasons that don’t seem to serve any real purpose.

His body’s wracked with another shiver. Then, his nose decides to chime in with its own problems.

“Hep-t’shoo! Hep-t’shoo! HEP-shooo! Ep’shhhhhh!”

He doesn’t know where the sneezes land, but he never stood a chance at being able to cover them. 

He hears a sigh from Felix. “Okay, please, Connor, please take these pills. Just open your mouth so I can give you the medicine. Then you can have a sip of water. After the medicine you can go back to sleep.”

So, Connor takes the pills, swallows them, then closes his eyes. Felix is putting something over him — a blanket? He suddenly starts shivering even harder until he maneuvers the blanket tightly around himself. He sneezes, weakly, three more times before closing his eyes again. 

__________

“Yeah, Mom, I know. I just… I’m not used to this and I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m literally at a pet store right now, which I feel is the last  place I’d be if I were a good boyfriend. But I just adopted a tarantula and I can’t take it home without having anything to put it in.

Connor realizes Felix must be talking to his mom on the phone through the car’s Bluetooth because he hears Felix’s mom’s voice next.

“You adopted a what?” Melissa Brown asks.

“A… a tarantula. Connor took me to a reptile expo and they had different kinds of arachnids there too… it was a whole thing. But anyway, that is very much so not the point. I need help.”

Connor hears Melissa sigh over the phone. “Fevers always seem scarier than they actually are. It’s just Connor’s body attempting to fight off the virus. I doubt he’s in any actual danger. You gave him some Tylenol, right?”

“Yes, but… He’s still fast asleep. The few moments he’s been awake, he’s barely talked and won’t even lift his hand to cover a sneeze. It’s like his body’s just given up on him.” Connor tries to remember if he’s ever heard Felix’s voice sound this way before. 

Melissa lets out a chuckle. “Felix, I’m sure that’s not what’s happening. Probably the opposite, actually. His body is doing its job by forcing him to rest so it can heal. It’s normal, honey. I went through the same thing when you were a baby. I remember rushing you to the emergency room the first time you spiked a fever. It’ll be okay is what I’m saying, all right?”

Felix is silent.

His mom sighs again. “Just keep an eye on it. If it doesn’t start going down soon, then you can take him to the hospital. You can take him now if that’ll make you feel better, honey. I’m just trying to tell you that from my many years of experience, these things turn out just fine. Didn’t you say when you had this nasty flu, yourself, that you also spiked a temperature of 104?”

“Yeah, but… This is Connor. He’s not… He’s not supposed to get sick like this. He’s not supposed to get sick at all.”

Before Connor even feels the tickle, he’s snapping forward. “HAAAAP-TSHOOOOOOOO!” His weak sneezes from before seem to have retreated, for the moment. This sneeze scrapes his throat and mists out in front of him in a dense cloud. It’s disgusting in such a complete and objective way that it makes his cheeks burn. 

“Oh my! Bless you!” calls out Melissa’s voice from the car speakers.

“Th-thank ET-CHOO! ET-CHOO! ET-CHOO!” Each sneeze is, of course, launched straight out in front of him since his arms are still firmly tucked under his blanket.

“Felix wasn’t exaggerating, huh? You sound awful,” Melissa says.

Connor knows he sounds awful, knows he looks awful, and knows that his entire current state of being can be easily summed up as awful. Hearing it said aloud, though, brings back the same sense of failure he had in high school after losing a football game— when he’d see the unmistakable disappointment etched across his father's face. He’s surprised to feel his throat tighten and his eyes sting. Felix reaches out a hand and gently squeezes Connor’s blanket covered thigh.

“Well, now that he’s awake, I’m going to let you go, Mom, all right? I need to get into the pet store. Thanks for listening to me freak out,” Felix says.

“Any time, honey. Text or call if you need anything. Love you.”

“Love you too, Mom. Bye,” Felix says, hanging up after his mom gives her goodbye. 

Felix turns to face Connor, biting his lip. “I know you probably hate this question, but due to how I’ve spent the last hour convinced you were literally dying, I have to ask,” Felix says, a faint tremble to his voice. “How are you feeling?”

Connor does, indeed, hate that question. He feels the words “I’m fine,” attempt their escape from his lips — a response that feels as natural to him as breathing —  but he’s decidedly not fine. He’s undeniably sick, but also… there’s something else simmering beneath the surface that he attempts to push down. There was something about hearing Felix’s mom on the phone, voice full of warmth, telling her son she loves him —  as though it were the most basic and easy to admit fact in the world. With effort, he does push the inexplicable feeling away, but he’s left with a sense of foreboding, as though that’s not its last appearance.

Connor manages to… well, not quite smile, but he thinks he succeeds at not looking as miserable as he feels. “I’m… not at my best,” he answers honestly, not feeling equipped to be more detailed.

Felix, with knitted brows, reaches forward and, in what’s becoming an all-too familiar gesture, places the back of his hand on Connor’s forehead. He pulls it back and breathes out a sigh. “Okay, I think you’re finally starting to cool down. A little, at least.” Felix settles back into his own seat. “And you’re actually speaking now, which is a vast improvement. So, yeah, I think you’re doing better.”

Connor, finally pulling his weak and tired arms out from under the blanket, catches three sneezes into the crook of his elbow. 

“Hep’shhhhew! Hh’pshew! Ep’sheew!”

Felix laughs a little. “Still really sneezy, though.”

Connor goes to speak, but instead has to duck back down for another “Hep’shew!” 

“God, Connor, I get it. You’re sick. You don’t have to keep trying to prove it,” Felix jokes.

“Hep-t’choo!”

Felix sighs, dramatically. “You’re doing this for attention aren’t you? Be honest” he says. Connor wants to laugh at the joke because obviously attention is the last thing Connor is looking for. But, once again, he’s ducking back into his arm.

“Oh my god,” Connor finally manages to say. “Why do they just keep coming hh hhhh hiih’tchoo!”

“Hmm…” Felix hums. “My guess is you're so congested that you can’t get the big sneeze you need, so your body is giving you all these little baby ones.”

“Felix,” Connor starts, but doesn’t know how he’ll finish the sentence. He’s feeling…whiny —  like he just wants to moan about how awful he feels to Felix and have Felix sympathize with him. This is extremely unfamiliar territory. He becomes distracted from this uncharacteristic urge to complain, however, when he looks down and finally gets a good look at the blanket splayed across him. “Felix, is this… is this Anna and Elsa from Frozen?”

Felix winces a bit, but nods. “Yeah… uh, you kept talking about how cold you were and you wouldn’t stop shivering. So when I stopped at a store to pick up the Tylenol, and I saw that blanket on clearance at only three bucks, I had to get it right?”

Connor stares at the pink and purple blanket and the cheerful faces of Anna and Elsa smiling up at him. He starts to laugh, but the laughter quickly devolves into coughing, and he slumps back down into his seat. He pulls the blanket up higher. 

Felix frowns and chews his lip. “Okay, you just stay put and rest. I’ve got to go and… uh, get some stuff,” he says.

Connor’s eyes are already closed before Felix gets the sentence out.

__________

After his third car nap of the day, they finally made it back to Felix’s house. Connor had wanted to demand that Felix take him back to his own apartment so he could recover alone. He’d imagine what that would look like — lying in his own bed, coughing and sneezing without restraint. He could shiver and whine and fall apart all he wanted no one would notice. Or care. Which was exactly what he wanted — what he’s been craving this entire time. So, why then, didn’t he put up more of a fight? He could attribute this easy surrender to his exhaustion. But… he was so sick, and the mere thought of having to take care of himself, though he knew he could, made him feel weary right down to his bones.

Unexpected thoughts of Felix started coursing through his mind — Felix bringing him food, water, and medicine while Connor just relaxed, letting his body get the rest it was clearly desperately craving. Connor’s initial reaction to these unwelcome thoughts was to flinch at the intrinsic discomfort they elicited, but still, Connor couldn’t stop them. What surprised him the most was how he imagined Felix wearing his sloppy grin the entire time, as though he didn’t mind in the slightest. Would that be the actual reality, though? Somehow, Connor found himself thinking maybe it actually could be. The idea of allowing himself to just be sick was starting to sound enticing in a way he’d never expected.

 The mere act of getting into the house had been a nearly impossible endeavor  — dizzy and weak, he had reluctantly held onto Felix as they made their way to the bedroom, having to stop multiple times to rest against the wall. By the time they reached the bedroom, all previous qualms about whose place it was had entirely vanished.

Now, he sits propped up against the headboard with a tissue pressed firmly around his nose. He slowly blows, emptying his nose’s thick contents. He looks at the tissue, winces at the color, then disposes it into the trash can that’s close to overflowing with all the other tissues he’s discarded in the last hour. His nose is in constant distress. If Connor isn’t blowing into tissues, he’s sneezing into them. He’s seen plenty of people get sick before, and knows sneezing is a normal part of illness, but surely it’s not normal to sneeze this much. As he has the thought, he’s already snapping forward into yet another sneeze.

“IHHH-P’tCHuuuUH!” 

It sprays out along his comforter since he didn’t have time to grab a tissue. His constant nasal dilemma has caused more than just a simple mist this time, so he holds his hand over his face as he grabs another tissue to clean up.

He’s heartily blowing his nose when Felix walks into the bedroom. He waits for the feelings of shame and mortification to arise at Felix hearing his gurgling, slurpy attempt to dispel his endless supply of snot, but… they don’t. In their place is an almost sense of safety — knowing he can lie in bed and sneeze and blow his nose and hack up his lungs as much as his body necessitates. And that it’s okay. It’s never been okay before, so why is it okay now?

He considers this as he watches Felix make his way toward the bed. Felix climbs onto it and sits cross-legged at the foot of the bed. “Okay, so, I’m trying to figure out boundaries,” Felix begins, expression serious. “Here’s what I want to do. I want to crawl underneath the covers and curl against you. But… you mentioned something about us needing to take things more slowly… And, I don’t know how much of that stemmed from honest feelings you were having, or if you said it just to keep me from seeing you sick.”

Connor has a lot he wants to say in response to this concern, but instead, yawns so forcefully his jaw cracks.

Felix snorts. “Okay, admittedly, this may not be the best time to discuss this, huh? You look all nice and cozy tucked into bed, and I guess I just wanted to join you. But I don’t want to violate any of your boundaries.”

“Felix… I really do worry that I’m taking advantage of you, of how easy you offer forgiveness. I wasn’t lying when I said that. And, I want to make sure I earn that forgiveness, okay? I mean, I hardly think I’m there yet. All I’ve been doing, after all, is sleeping. Well that, and sneezing,” Connor explains before jerking forward to sneeze into yet another tissue, as if he needed to illustrate the point.

Felix stares at him, his eyes wide, and mouth slightly open. “Connor — are you serious? You… you took me to a reptile expo that you spent hours researching. You let a snake wrap itself around your arm just because I asked you. And it peed on you! And, like, you barely even complained. And, oh my god, not to mention,  you didn’t so much as bat an eye when I adopted a tarantula.”

At this, Connor jolts up in bed, his eyes growing wide. “I forgot about the tarantula. Did that actually happen? I was hoping that was a fever-induced hallucination.”

Felix’s cheeks turn slightly pink. “Like I was saying, you were super cool with the tarantula thing and —”

Connor shakes his head. “No, no, no. I am not cool with the tarantula thing, Felix. I am as opposite as cool as one can be about the tarantula thing! Felix, you have to… you have to give it back. Oh my god, or find someone else to take it, or hap’tshooo! Heh heh hap’tshoo!” The sneezes snuck up on him and the mist sprays out in front of him. He wipes his nose with a tissue while still glaring at Felix. “You can’t keep that thing. Holy shit… Where is it? Is it here?” he asks, growing frantic. Hazy memories of the furry, multi-eyed creature come back to him. “It escaped, Felix! It ran all around the expo hall, and you… you want to keep it?” Connor sneezes once more, but makes it into his tissue. It’s becoming apparent he needs to hold a tissue in his hand at all times.

Felix hums, looking down at his lap. “Her,” he mutters, sheepishly.

Connor narrows his watery, aching eyes at Felix. “What?”

Felix shrugs his shoulders, still not meeting Connor’s gaze. “Her. She’s a girl. Her name is Edna. If she were male, then her lifespan would only be a few years long. But, since she’s female, she can easily make it to twenty years.”

“Twenty years?” Connor asks, incredulously. The increase in pitch must be too much for his lungs because he starts coughing. He makes sure to catch all the coughs in his tissue.

“Yep,” Felix says after Connor’s fit winds down. “Anyway, yeah, like I was saying…. You’ve just been so nice about me adopting Edna. So, I’d say you’re pretty committed to repairing our relationship, right? Since you’ve acquiesced so easily to my new pet?”

Connor stares in astonishment at Felix, his mouth open. “I know what you’re doing, Felix. And… fuck. Fine. Fine. If it will help you realize how important you are to me… then, just…fine. I won’t criticize your decision to bring such a vile creature into our lives.” Still incredibly uncomfortable with this thought, he adds “But it stays away from me, Felix. You need to treat that thing like it's a prisoner in a maximum security prison. Do you understand?”

Felix’s face lights up with a huge, happy smile, and Connor’s frustration instantly wanes. “See? Like I said, my forgiveness is totally earned because you are so unconditionally supportive of the amazing decisions I make.” Felix’s expression sobers as his smile falls. “But, Connor, in all seriousness…. Do you want to know how I actually know you're committed?”

Connor frowns, but eventually nods. Felix scoots closer up in the bed to Connor, settling back into a cross-legged position. He takes Connor’s hand in his. “It’s because you’re finally letting yourself be soft around me,” he says, squeezing Connor’s hand. “I mean, I saw you slumped against a wall, nearly passed out and here you still are.”

Connor feels the color drain from his face. “Fuck,” he says, as the unwelcomed memories start pouring in. 

Felix winces. “Uh-oh. You forget that, too? Your fever was crazy high, so I guess I’m not surprised you don’t remember much about the expo. But, okay, maybe you haven’t exactly been letting yourself be soft around me so much as your body’s given you no choice.,” he says, scratching the back of his neck.

Connor is still being barraged by the mental images of everyone at the expo crowded around him, staring as he lay against the wall, too weak to even hold up a water bottle. 

Felix winces again. “I can see you’re still bothered by this. Okay, just think of it as exposure therapy. I mean, what better way to face your fear of vulnerability than by lying helplessly against a wall as your body fights to remain conscious?”

Connor blinks at him. Then, he shuts his eyes and slumps back farther into bed. “This has been a hard day,” he says, eyes still closed, feeling insurmountable levels of fatigue settling in. 

Felix climbs up onto the bed and maneuvers himself close to Connor, pressing against his side. Connor shifts slightly, wrapping an arm around Felix’s smaller frame, while Felix nestles in, tucking himself comfortably against Connor's chest. “Is this okay?” Felix asks, looking up to meet Connor’s gaze.

Connor lowers his head so he can press a gentle kiss against Felix’s hair. “Yes, sweetie, I think it is.”

They eventually settle down into the bed with Felix curled into Connor, his head resting against Connor’s chest. Connor absently twirls his fingers through Felix’s mess of waves in a sleepy daze as he tries to contemplate why it does all feel so okay with Felix, until a gentle whisper of a thought says does it even matter? And with that question left unanswered, he allows himself to drift off. 

[heniareth]

Oh Astala LOVES swimming!! And general roughhousing in the water. And looking for seashells and other goods (“Look, Ma, we found treasure!”). Pretending to be a pirate. Finding crabs and cool rocks. I am now picturing Adaia, with some help, ferrying two very sleepy kids home after they’ve spent literally all afternoon outside between the sand and waves.

You know, a washerwoman would be a good cover for Adaia. She’s got a reason to get to (clean) water, a large basket or some other container, and clothes to cover the smuggled goods. I’ve never thought about a cover for her, but this one would fit, I think.

I am also now imagining all of the people in the Alienage who work washing clothes taking a long train of kids outside. The kids get to play somewhere that's not the Aluenage, potentially learn how to swim which is important, the older kids watch the younger and the adults work and are within shouting distance should anything happen

Add that to the werewolf bite!! XD XD Sharign ideas is good. Also, 3/3 deaths on the Joining 😬😬😬 Goes to show the deadliness of the whole affair. It would be kinda funny if an award popped up over Duncan’s head videogame style. “Congratulations! You have acquired 0 new Wardens!” XD XD XD XD The look on Duncan’s face would be priceless

Also... Novhen does have a point. When does a scout have to turn around? But, point is, he has to turn around at some point, and from what you’re saying it doesn’t sound like Novhen was doing the reasonable thing and keeping at least within shouting distance of the party in case something happened. Like, what if they had bitten you, Novhen? What if you’d died???? It’s like you said, a dead scout is good to no one, and Astala... I don’t know what Astala would do if Novhen died, there or otherwise. I think it’d break her a bit. Maybe she’d just go numb for a while

Novhen: The way you act, you'd think I couldn't be allowed to step ten feet away from the party before I had to report back!

Astala: Yes! 10 feet sounds fucking good actually, thank you! You know what? I’m feeling generous. You get 20 feet until you stop throwing yourself into the mouth of every wolf you come across!

Also, yes!!!! Novhen is part of the Alienage!!! Adaia taught them these skills so they could defend themselves as well, not only others!! I am wondering if he gets injured at some point before the whole archdemon thing. Would seeing the reactions of the people around him hammer home that he should please take a bit better care of himself? Ooooor if he might listen when Astala tells him to stop after Broken Circle, there may be no need for all of that. I imagine a change would be gradual and there’d be some back and forth to work out the finer details (because scouting one room at a time just doesn’t make sense). And there’s be some ups and downs depending on how Novhen’s doing. But I think ever since Adaia did die, Astala would’ve been keeping an eye on Novhen. As much as you can while working two jobs (which is to say, she probably did keep an eye on him for a time and then life swept her away and now they were falling back into that old dynamic)

They could find information about who killed Adaia at the arl of Denerim’s estate. There’ve got to be ledgers regarding prisoners, both past and present. Howe might even have been studying them to see if there are any of Arl Urien Kendells’ men and/or prisoners he could use. Or some of them could still be working there at the estate O.O Or Leliana might be able to give them a description and names. Really, there are possibilities for them to get a little revenge. I think it’d be good for them

Alistair’s West Hill accent vs. the Tabrises’ Denerim Alienage accent: FIGHT!! XD XD XD They’ll be bickering about the pronounciation of things like “water” and their most beloved/most used slang words. Ilanlas will be standing in the middle trying to figure out which is the Right Way To Say Things. In comes Pavle with the weird Circle accent. Ilanlas will have to take sides soon or end up perpetually confused XD XD XD Also, I like a Brooklyn accent for the Alienage ^^ It fits. Sera I think might be emulating the accent of the “little people” (humans) in Denerim. I think in DAO there are NPCs that get kinda close in her direction. Daveth, maybe? And Daveth has been a cutpurse for at least a decade in Denerim.

Also Ilanlas wouldn’t out-right say that he considers city elves culturally assimilated. He’s brash and a bit of an ass, but he’s not stupid. He knows it won’t be taken well. But, he’d definitely think it, and at some point Novhen would catch on on account of expressions and things implied in what Ilanlas is saying. Thank goodness, this is not a hill Ilanlas is willing to die on. After all, poor city elves. They’ve already lost enough by not knowing the way of the People (but he wouldn’t say that either. Just think it). Unless Novhen somehow insults the Dalish in return. In that case, Ilanlas is snapping back and the situation can escalate from there. Astala, we need some peacekeeping over here

Also, Ilanlas has seen shem nobles by now. He’s taking great offense that Novhen would consider him even remotely similar to them XD XD XD Yes, he’s proud, but he has every right to it!

I am now also imagining Novhen, upon meeting Andras, going all O.O Listen, Stala, there’s no root word in Fereldan for Andraste even though Andraste was supposed to be Alamarri!! And right here we've a phonetically similar word!! And it’s an elven name!! One second, Mr. Andras, we can talk about the archdemon in a bit. Stala, did you hear that?

Also, Andruil’enaste O.O I’ve never considered that, but it makes so much sense!! Ilanlas has heard a bit of Dalish and is walking over. Oh, your prophetess an elf? With the name Andruil’enaste? Take that, Chantry! But only, if she wasn’t hearing the Maker. No way an elf would be hearing the Maker. It had to be somebody else, like Elgar’nan! Or maybe she just acted like she was hearing the Maker to get the shems’ support. And she freed the slaves in Tevinter! Sounds elven to him

(Also hi Kiki ^^ And I had no idea Andraste was in the PHB O.O)

And for as much as Astala likes the Inquisitor (probably. She likes a lot of people) and as much as the end of the world sounds bad, family is priority. She’s done her stuff. The Inquisitor is getting gently but firmly escorted out if she has to. (Also Leliana stop snitching on my brother??? Thanks) And then they can mull this one over together. The end of the world is still bad, and if it’s coming, she’d like to be prepared.

As far as the kids go... DA:4 takes place around 9:51. Virel (ex Crow recruit), Perinella (ex Crow recruit, mage) and Carlo (Antivan street kid) were adopted in the late 9:30s at around 7 to 10 years of age. They would be in their early 20s/very late teens during DA:4. Life has probably made them very cautious, very stick-together. They could have developed an interest in the Cult. Especially Virel, who’s big on protecting his family and on fending by himself against the world. I think he would be taken with Novhen’s lessons (and they might even find each other to be very similar; wonder what kind fo reaction that’d get from Novhen. For context, Zevran freed a cell of Crow recruits and arranged for them to be transported somewhere safe. Virel hid and stayed behind because Perinella was still with the Crows, and didn’t listen when Zevran insisted he stay put and let him take care of that. He was super scared of Zevran at first bc Zevran was a full-fledged Crow once, but lived in the same house with him for months because he didn’t trust Zevran to actually do something about Perinella without him around to enforce it). But Virel is also very cautious and very, very distrustful. He might go to check Solas’ agents out for himself, but I don’t see him signing up in a bout of youthful enthusiasm or anything.

Perinella is much more concerned with whatever Morrigan has to teach her about the old gods and weird magic. Rebellion is not her thing and bringing down the Veil... would scare her more than she cares to admit. Carlo is a rogue, the most ghost-like variant of a rogue (I think he’d love Novhen, and the Vir’Banalras). He’s a very observant, but also very shy kid. If Virel doesn’t go to check the agents of Fen’Harel out, he will, but his version of checking out is listening in on a meeting or sitting in a shadowed corner, not saying anything. And he’s very trusting. He’d want to talk what he’s seen and heard through with an adult. So, in general, unless something drastic happens, I think these kids will be safe.

Rinona, Astolfo and Eidela are the three youngest, and they’d have been born in the early half of the 9:40s I think (depends on when our guys find the cure to the Taint). Which makes them not even teens in 9:51. Yeah, they’re not going anywhere. There might be a “But I think the Dread Wolf isn’t bad. Right uncle?”, especially from Rinona, who likes to push boundaries, but not much more. I’m assuming Kieran would have his own opinions on the matter, right?

Onwards to the Deep Roads: having Morrigan there would take a huge weight off Astala’s mind. Mages are just... really useful. And Morrigan’s right, a golem doesn’t make up for it. They have other great qualities. No hard feelings, Shale. Also, re. Ilanlas: Novhen is arguing against him joining the expedition? Ilanlas’ pride is hurt. Now he wants to go. Let us pray that common sense prevails. I don’t think Sulri would be too excited to go either (she was sent into the Deep Roads without weapons or armor before Duncan found her), but it’s either that or her murderous little bastard of a brother. She prefers the genlocks. Would like to turn Bhelen into one, in fact. How would everybody else feel about kidnapping him and bringing him along?

Technically, what Astala does is feigning infighting within the Wardens in her canon. She tells Alistair to act like she was going behind his back to talk to Bhelen, while he talks to Harrowmont (the man is smart, and Zevran is part of his team. For moral and acting support). So far, so good. What makes Bhelen really nervous is that Astala returns from the Deep Roads pretty... indisposed. Perfect opportunity for Alistair to put Harrowmont on the throne. Or, Ancestors preserve him, Sulri. Better wipe them all out.

Also, yes. Alistair, Ilanlas and Zevran are going to have A Time during those two months. Are they coming back? When are they coming back? How many are coming back? Alistair is sweating bullets under the pressure from either ruler to just choose (“It’s been almost two months, Warden. We can’t wait forever.”) and getting a taste of politics and being responsible and he’d probably hate it. Ilanlas is sulking because he didn’t get to go, pacing the halls because what if this was his chance to find Tamlen and he’s messing it up, and having the worst time because this is a closed space and he’s used to being able to just. Roam. He’s probably run up and down Orzammar for long enough to leave a visible trail by the time the party returns. And Zevran. This is definitely before Zevran is anywhere near admitting or being conscious of having any kind of feelings for Astala. Oh they would drive each other up the wall! It’s good Morrigan isn’t there. Poor Wynne and Leliana. Sten might be a welcome distraction for Ilanlas though. I think he’d make a good sparring partner, and sparring is about the one thing that might ease Ilanlas’ restlessness at that point. He hates feeling useless soooooooooo much.

I actually could see Khêd asking Zevran to keep an eye on Rica for him, now that we’re on it. And oh boy oh boy, Radka is having a hell of an introduction to the group here O.O What would Pavle be up to?

It’s good to hear that Novhen’s not getting black out drunk. That’d be worrying. It’s less good to see that there’s... not really much to be done about the overstimulation and the constant presence of darkspawn at the edge of his consciousness. Astala will have to stay itching to do something and... not find anything. At least Morrigan’s there. Astala will do her best so nothing bad happens to her, because that’s about the last thing Novhen, the party, and Morrigan herself needs.

Not being almost assassinated is actually very good for Astala. Not only bc it spares her a near death experience, but also because I have her hit a very low point after Orzammar. Everything seems senseless. At one point she doesn’t leave her tent for a few days and just lies there, doesn’t even sleep, just pendles between wondering what’s wrong with her and remembering how Cyrion acted after Adaia disappeared, and between getting sucked in by the absolute pointlessness of it all. Obviously, she’s saving the world from the Blight and that has worth in and of itself. But she’s so tired. And this will never stop. She’ll be a warden forever, dedicate her life to darkspawn, Blight and rot, and then she’ll die a cold, lonely death in the Deep Roads. Not being almost assassinated would make the low point arguably higher. Still, she’d be really quiet after Orzammar. Things that used to excite her just don’t do the trick anymore. She might confess to Novhen that she’s scared and that she wants out and that she doesn’t know how to keep going, but she’s up and moving, at least. Maybe sluggishly, for a few weeks, but moving nonetheless.

I always thought Alistair was off to Weisshaupt for Yet Another Report during Awakening, but hunting down leftover darkspawn makes a ton of sense. Somebody’s gotta finish the archdemon’s troops off. Also, having a mage present for the Joining makes sense. Caron is part of the team now! :D Hopefully he’s nice

Re. the battle of Amaranthine: “Like I didn’t have anything better to do today,” Khêd says, standing up with a groan. “Lying in the sun is overrated anyways. You get tanned just as well while covered in darkspawn blood.” I think he very much prefers meeting the darkspawn on the field (read: in the city of Amaranthine; cities are the closest he gets to caves these days) rather than being trapped in a fortress and withstanding a siege, though. He doesn’t like feeling trapped.

And Ilanlas is giving Pavle a dead glare. He wants a what? A participation trophy? Is avoiding sleeping in poison ivy not reward enough? Has Pavle no appreciation for developing new skills? Fine, fine, yes, the badges will do, thank you, but Creators, the Circles do stifle any natural curiosity and desire for independency and self-sufficiency you might have. Ilanlas is very relieved he doesn’t have to pull out some form of recognition out of nowhere. Pavle tries to explain the concepts of diploma. Ilanlas suggests carving marks into his staff or maybe getting a conmemorative tattoo, but those things don’t really seem warranted for learning what a viper is and why you shouldn’t touch it. And I think both Pavle and Radka would prefer the badges XD XD XD

Also, oh boy, Radka; wearing the Carta Thug face for so long she doesn’t know what, if anything, lies underneath it. Khêd’s clapping her on the back in sympathy. Maybe that’s just who they are now. Maybe in ten years they’ll be somebody else. If they live to see that day, Khêd’s never fancied himself an optimist.

Twins AU (Round 2)

Since our original post exchange got a tad bit long, @bumblerhizal I’m starting a new one here ^^ First, a few things on the doodles: I’m still cackling XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD Especially about Amell (Pavle) going all “woe is me! 😩😩😩” over the dirt on his favorite robe while these two Alienage kids with probably multiple patches and mends on their clothes just look at each other like “can you believe this guy” XD XD XD XD XD XD XD It’s sooooooooo good and I am now imagining Pavle coming face to face with Sigrun’s particular brand of cheerful dead inside XD XD XD The official Grey Warden merch is amazing and our guys are great models. I really want that on a shirt now (and I could, now that I think of it. Ooooooh it’s tempting). I love Valendrian’s grey hair counter. The expression is on point XD XD XD The Plum of Peace should be a Feastday gift. And it’s very good to see reference for Radka, Pavle and Mr Andras (Who looks so kind!!!!!) Mousevhen is absolutely adorable. I want to give him all the pickled beets in the world

Keep reading

[thehandwitch]

thinking about ford calling shermie shortly after coming through the portal because he hasn’t spoken to his older brother in thirty-something years — he was kind of bad at keeping contact, okay — and he misses him. (and also, yk, as far as ford’s aware shermie thinks stan is dead and that ford owns a kitschy tourist trap, and he really needs to rectify that.)

and it’s probably like 5am when he calls but shermie picks up a few rings in with a sleepy “hello?”

and ford’s heart stops because he can barely believe he’s hearing his big brother’s voice again, and it takes a few long seconds before he finally says “shermie, it’s stanford.”

“stan? hi! what’s going on? are the kids okay?”

“the kids— yes, yes, they’re okay. they’re great, actually.”

“so why are you calling? i’m not complaining, i wish you’d call more, but it’s a little out of character.”

“… speaking of that.” and ford pauses because he didn’t exactly plan on how he was going to broach the whole ‘hey stan is alive and has been pretending to be me this entire time’ thing.

he settles on asking: “did you ever find it strange that i started wanting to go by stan after— after stan passed?”

he expects shermie to say something like ‘no, i figured you were just grieving’ but instead the pause on the other end of the line stretches out until shermie says, slowly and tearfully, “ford? is that you?”

and ford breaks. “yes,” he whispers because if he speaks at a normal volume he’s certain his voice will crack under the weight of his emotions. “yes, it’s me. shermie, how did you…?”

“you think stan could fool me? i grew up babysitting you punks. the two of you switching places tricked me maybe three times before i got smart. and then you got me a few more times when stan realized he could wear your gloves with an stuffed extra finger, but i ended up developing a sense for it. i knew from the second he called to tell me about his death.” shermie scoffs, and then quiets. “stanford… what happened?”

“it’s a long story.”

“i’ve got time.”

“i’m afraid you don’t understand. it’s… an exceedingly long story.”

“well, i’ll make time,” shermie says and then pauses. “is stan still around? is he okay?”

“yes, he’s … he’s here.”

“and you’re not still mad at him, are you?”

“well—”

“after forty years, ford?”

“it’s complicated!”

“then explain it!”

and ford does, he explains, he fills in the gaps of his own side with what stan told to the kids and that gopher-looking man and lays most everything out in the open (except for bill, he’ll never, ever tell anyone about bill) and at the end shermie is dead silent.

eventually he says, “if you weren’t you, and stan weren’t stan… i don’t think i’d believe any of that.”

and ford sighs and says “yes, that’s understandable.”

and shermie says “well, you know what i’m going to tell you now” and gives ford this excellent monologue about how he needs to mend things with stan, and ford knows he’s right but he’s still just so bitter and all he says is “i’ll consider it.”

the conservation wraps up with shermie telling ford to tell stan to expect a call from him very soon and then they hang up. and ford just. leans his head against the wall.

and from the end of the hallway, stan says “yeesh, i was really not looking forward to having that conversation. thanks for handling it for me, sixer.”

and ford can’t even find it in himself to be mad at that because he knows shermie is going to unleash the world’s wisest and most annoyed three hour rant upon stan the next time they speak.

(ford doesn’t warn stan about the phone call either, even though shermie asked him to. he thinks stan deserves it.)

anyways. yeah. thinking about that.

[gladerwolfstarkimagines]

Imagine being Azula’s friend but secretly dating Zuko behind her back

One of the first things you and Azula bonded over was your annoying brothers. Azula told you how her brother had stolen one of her best friends away from her and you related to that. Your twin brother was none other than Sokka of the water tribe, who was also very popular with women. Most of the women you knew liked him, from Yue to Toph to Suki to Ty lee! It sometimes felt like you were the second attraction in a friendship and so you and Azula quickly became close over your shared frustrations.

Then....you betrayed her.

Well, betrayal is a bit dramatic but maybe not given how upset she'd been when Mai and Zuko started dating. You knew that had been hard for Azula to process.  How difficult it had been wondering if her friends really liked her or just wanted access to her brother. So when you started liking Zuko you didn’t plan on acting on it at all. Then Mai broke up with him. 

Zuko was around at yours quite often, whenever he visited the water tribe he stayed in your home and when you visited the fire nation he extended the same hospitality. So throughout the years, you just naturally got closer and closer until....it happened. You started hanging out just the two of you and these occasions felt very date-like until Zuko just outright asked you out. You liked him and told yourself one date was fine, what harm could a single date do? But then as you kept seeing each other and one date soon progressed into many many more you knew your time to do the right thing and tell Azula you were dating her brother was approaching. 

However the idea of doing that idea terrified you. You guessed Azula wouldn’t take it well and didn’t want to lose your friendship with her because of your relationship with Zuko. You wouldn’t break up with Zuko just to make her happy but you also didn’t want to lose Azula’s friendship, so when Katara’s birthday arose you were fairly nervous. There was going to be a large party and all of Katara’s friends were coming...which included Zuko and Azula. You hadn’t been together with everyone since you and Zuko started dating so you had no idea how it would feel. The whole time you and Zuko would have to convincingly act like you weren’t a couple and not make anyone at the party suspicious of the two of you. So when Zuko’s ship got in you fixed your eyes on Azula and tried not to stare at him any more than usual. You greeted him formally and didn’t admire him as you usually would. You fell in step with Azula and decided just to focus on her. It wasn’t hard, you were best friends and very close...however fate was not on your side. You got seated across from him at dinner which felt like some sick punishment and struggled not to get lulled into conversation with him. It didn’t help that Zuko was in a playful mood. He kept making comments about the things you’d done on your date and then sending you sly looks across the table. When you met his eye he smirked blatantly and you lightly kicked him under the table. That only made Zuko chuckled and look adorable so you sighed and decided to just keep your eyes down the whole time to survive dinner. 

However, Zuko had no intention of stopping his teasing. After dinner you set about preparing the party for Katara tomorrow and having sent Sokka, Aang, Suki, Azula and Toph on their assigned jobs turned to your job of decorating. You were hanging streamers in the living room when you felt a hand curl around your waist. “Need some help there?” Zuko asked moving closer and he leaned up over you to hang it. “I could have done that myself” you smiled turning to face him and Zuko shrugged “I know you could’ve, but then I wouldn’t have been able to do this”. Zuko gently kissed your neck trailing down to your collar bone making you sigh. “Zuko...stop” you said faint heartedly and Zuko sensed that smirking "I don’t want to and you don’t want me to either, I can tell by how softly you said my name" he smiled "it’s been so long since we’ve had any time together". Your skin erupted in goosebumps and a shiver went down your spine as Zuko pressed closer against you. But you knew how badly this could end if literally anyone walked in. So swiftly you grabbed Zuko’s hands and twisted your way out of them. You held them tightly in one hand so he couldn’t try and slink around you again and used the other to make him look at you "Zuko we can’t okay, not on this trip. God knows i want to, i’ve missed you too but there’s too much that could go wrong i’m sorry". Zuko sighed but nodded his head "don’t worry i understand". Zuko’s shoulders sagged and you knew your insistance on keeping this quiet was difficult for him. "Thank you for understanding" you said hugging him quickly "i know it can’t be easy for you and I appreciate the effort you're going to for me". Zuko smiled resting his head on top of yours "it’s fine, i’d do a lot more for you if you asked but promise me it won’t always be like this....we will tell everyone soon?". You gulped but nodded pulling away "i promise, i will tell Azula...soon!". Zuko nodded “I believe you” and let his hands drop away from you. Not a moment later Sokka and Aang appeared in the room making the two of you jump. “Zuko just the man we need! We were thinking of making an ice sculpture, fancy some fire bending?”. Zuko nodded “sure” and with a last glance to you left the room. 

Hours later the party preparations finished you returned to your room which you were sharing with Azula for her visit. “Sokka made me blow up balloons” she said angrily “something about fire benders being full of hot air”. You smirked at your brother’s nerve when Azula’s next sentence wiped it off your face.  "Also I think Zuko’s dating someone again" Azula said softly and you paused. "Ow really?" you asked and she nodded "he’s been spending a suspicious amount of time in the southern water tribe lately. Lots of visits which he claims are diplomatic but I can’t work out what he actually does here! He doesn’t know that many people and so it got me thinking, y/n do you think your brother and mine....". "No Sokka's still with Suki" you said shaking your head. Azula sighed “and it’s obviously not Katara, she and Aang are basically married, have you seen him hanging around anyone else? He doesn’t know many people so it should be easy to spot". You paused pretending to think but were really just trying to buy yourself time. "Honestly i don’t pay much attention to him when he visits" you said cleverly covering your back "but i will from now on and let you know". "Thank you y/n" Azula smiled. You smiled back relieved Azula didn’t suspect anything and let out a large breath you’d been holding for this entire conversation. You were now more than ready for sleep and got into bed hurriedly. You laid your head on your pillow and closed your eyes utterly exhausted. 

"Goodnight y/n" Azula called and you nodded. You were very sleepy and after a long yawn smiled "good night Zuko".

You realised the name you’d said seconds after it came out of your mouth. 

You froze

As did azula.

"Did you just call me Zuko...". You blinked "did i? I’m sure i said Azula". Azula was quiet for 2 seconds before she shot up "it’s you!" she cried "you're the one my brother’s dating!". "No Azula that’s crazy!!! We'd just been discussing Zuko, that’s why he was on my mind!". Azula shook her head "you're lying! I can tell by the tone of your voice! You’re the new girlfriend aren’t you?". You sighed "Azula i’m sorry i was going to tell you...". "I can’t believe you" Azula yelled and suddenly the door opened. "What’s wrong?" Sokka and Zuko asked bursting in “we heard yelling” and Azula glared. "You! Couldn't just have Mai huh? Had to take another one of my friends? How about when you’re done with y/n you try things with Ty lee?". "Ow she told you...." Zuko frowned awkwardly. "No i worked it out!” Azula spat “Y/n accidentally uttered your name because she’s so lovesick" Azula cried "you both make me sick" and she strode away slamming the front door hard as she exited the house.

After Azula left you all looked at one another unsure what to do or say next. "So...you two are a thing?" Sokka asked and Zuko paused "yes...is your reaction going to be as bad as Azula’s or can i go deal with her?". Sokka shook his head "go deal with her before she burns the village down”. Zuko went to move past Sokka when your brother put a hand to his chest "but come back and see me after, me and Katara will want to talk to you about dating our sister". Zuko surprisingly looked intimidated and nodded "I'll be right back". "Zuko wait i should come too" you called "this is as much my fault as yours". Zuko nodded "let’s go" and led you outside into the cold night after Azula.

You found Azula trekking in the snow and as she wasn’t in proper shoes you gained on her quickly. “Azula!” you called and she jumped. She looked around and glared “ow look the happy couple, how nice of you to grace me with your presence”. Zuko rolled his eyes “only you’d be so attention-seeking to make this about you”. “Attention seeking? Who’s the person who can’t form his own friendships or respect boundaries? No always have to date my friends, is it some weird way for you to gain power over me? A sad way to boost your ego?”. As Zuko and Azula went to square up to each other you stepped between them. “Alright enough the both of you! Zuko please go back to the house, i’ll handle this”. “But she...”. “Zuko please” you said sharply and he nodded “fine” and with a glare left. You watched him go before turning back to Azula. You’d been about to suggest you go home given that Azula was surely freezing out here in the middle of the night but Azula broke into a rant. "Everyone leaves me for him" she cried "Mai! My uncle! Mother! Even my father...after i was smarter, a better fire bender, more loyal and younger he still gave Zuko every little chance and only crowned me after Zuko literally ran away! When will i be good enough people don’t just choose him without a second thought for me?". "Azula i didn’t choose Zuko over you! Just because i like Zuko doesn’t mean i don’t like you still". "That may be true but this changes our friendship completely, it did with Mai! People always prioritise their partners over their friends so i’ll be second best once again". "Are you kidding?" you asked "Azula now i need you more than ever! Relationships aren’t when you ditch your friends, they’re when you need them the most! Who else are you going to go to for a break or a nice getaway? Who else is going to support and love you in only the platonic way a friend can? Who else can i complain about Zuko to when he annoys me or we fight?" you asked "they’re all things you need your friends for! Desperately and that’s going to be the same for me". "But when Mai dated him...". "But i’m not Mai" you smiled softly "Azula we are good friends, i won’t sideline you because of this. You mean just as much to me now as before i started dating Zuko". Azula huffed but you could see her melting. "So...how about we go inside, get some warm milk and talk a bit more about this huh?". You offered Azula your hand and she took it but she didn’t stop there. Azula threw her arms around you and hugged you tightly. "I’m partly doing this for the cold but thank you" she said softly "nobodies ever tried to make me feel supported when they've chosen Zuko, they just tell me to deal with it but you’re the first to try and reassure me and so i know you mean it, to still be my friend". "Of course" you smiled "you're my best friend!". Azula smiled and linked her arm through yours "i like that!”. 

Zuko stared in awe as you and Azula returned grinning. "How did it go is everything okay?". You nodded "your extremely cool sister is fine with it". "Yes i thought this would be a great way to have an inside scoop on you zuzu". "She’s kidding i won’t talk to her about you...a lot". Zuko blinked "okay if everything's okay then i should go speak to Sokka and Katara, they’re waiting for me in the kitchen". Azula smiled "that’s a good idea, when you come back zuzu find me, i have some threats about what will happen if you hurt my best friend". You smiled at Azula and stepped to Zuko "good luck but don’t worry Sokka’s all bite, Katara’s the one to look out for but she has a big heart, just tell her how good a time we’ve had and you’ll be fine". "Good tips, any for my sister?". You smiled "Azula is one i have not worked out yet" you grinned "but i’m sure you’ll manage, you are the firelord after all". Zuko smirked and you patted his shoulder "after your appointment with my brother and sister and then your sister....you could always come find me in your room?". Zuko smiled "is that my motivation for surviving this?". You shrugged "you can think of it as that" and stepped away from him. Zuko watched you before sighing "alright let’s get this over with” he said loudly and strode towards the kitchen.

You turned back to Azula who raised an eyebrow at Zuko’s sudden confidence and she frowned. "Do i even want to know?" Azula asked and you shook your head "no". “Ow and don’t worry if I’m not in our room tonight”. “Euch Y/n!” Azula cried and you shrugged “what? I didn’t say why”. “I know why” she sighed before she smiled “at least I can have your bigger bed”. “Be my guest” you smiled, you had a firelord to get reacquainted with. 

[iyumeu]

What are the demon brothers really, especially good at when it comes to their obsession/possessive nature over their darling? Like, who’s really good at setting up an escape proof room, who’s the best at gaslighting their darling to hell and back, who’s got the most roofies they can slip into drinks and food so they can cuddle a sleepy darling. I hope any of this makes sense…

I'd like to think that in an ideal horrible world, they would realize that they all have to work together to keep MC with them, so as you've said each of them would be good at different things.

Lucifer would definitely 100% be the one to set up an escape proof room. In fact, I'm in the midst of writing a sequel to spirit guardian and in it Lucifer traps you in a special room he's prepared for you. From one of the in-game chats it's mentioned that Lucifer is the possessive type while Diavolo is the stalker type and Barbatos is... well-adjusted?! and with his tendency to prepare in advance, he'd be done with a specialized, well-hidden room even before anyone else had the idea of making you stay with them, permanently.

After all, didn't he keep Belphegor, one of the strongest demons in hell, up in the attic with little to no trouble? His enchantments are top notch; say hello to your new attic room, MC. Don't worry, it's comfortable and people can still visit you, and it's decorated almost the same as your kitchen room! And, if you're good, you might get let out!

Asmodeus would be good at charming and gaslighting to make things seem like they aren't as bad as they are. At first he seems like he's listening to you, as you scream and shout, he really does look like he's empathizing! And then once you're tired, he'd hold you and shush you and say, yes, Lucifer really is too much, yes, how could his brothers just lock you up like this, yes, you deserve to go out, he'll take you for a walk tomorrow! He'll ask Lucifer for permission, and Lucifer's bound to say yes especially if he realizes how sad you are! He's just a little frustrated now, you know that the Devildom is a dangerous place and we don't want you to get hurt! We only want you to be safe, you know that right? We love you, so we just want the best for you. I'm sure you can understand that! Can't you? So just stay in this room, alright? We're doing this for you, after all.

Leviathan's pretty good at guilt-tripping you as well. He just throws a big pity fest and you'll just rush to try and placate him, telling him no, he's not trash, you don't hate him. And he'll ask you if it's something he did, that made you want to leave them all so badly? Or if it's something they did in general. They can change, please, as long as you stay. MC, they can't live without you. MC, what are they going to do when you're gone? They can barely function without you. Besides, did people in the human world even realize that you were gone? They didn't even leave one message for you (didn't get a chance to, all communications were removed before they could even send anything), but the demon brothers would! They think about you every single day, the human world doesn't know what they have, they don't appreciate you, they don't care about you, but we do, MC. We're the only ones who care about you.

Apart from that he also installs cameras all over the House of Lamentations, especially near the exits and in your room, as well as bug your phone. He'll always be watching your every move, oftentimes even forgoing anime to just stare at you through the screen hours on end.

Satan is in charge of security. It's a responsibility he shares with Lucifer and he hates it, but he understands the importance of it. It's essential that no one can get into the house and, more importantly, that you can't get out. He has everything from tracking to sedation spells on you, ready to be activated at a moment's notice. He also took the liberty to enter the human world to track down everyone who ever knew you, private investigator style, and erase their memory of your existence. It's a subtle erase, too, like you're aware that the person exists, but they don't seem to be very important to you. You have better things to do than think about them. Once he's managed to manipulate the memories of everyone, then maybe you'll be allowed a little trip to the human world... just for you to see that the only place you truly belong is with them.

Beelzebub is the one in charge of physically restraining you if you ever get strange ideas in your head. You thought that he was a softie, that he would be the one you could break through to, to let you go, but he and his family were united in this particular decision to keep you by their side. You were, after all, a lot safer here in the Devildom than you were in the human world. What if you fell ill? Or someone attacked you? They wouldn't be able to reach you in time! Beel wouldn't be able to reach you in time, and he doesn't think he would be able to live with himself if he lost another person he loved. His family wouldn't be able to take it either. So he is quiet even though you scream and thrash in his grip, thrown over his shoulder, mouth gagged so that you were unable to command anyone to let you go. Your resistance hurts, but he knew it would be worth it in the end, and soon you'll realize that too.

Belphegor was another person you thought you could negotiate with, having been trapped in the attic himself. However, like Beelzebub, you could not be further from the truth. After millenniums of hurt and hatred, here you were, a ray of light into their world, a little piece of heaven just for them. He'd be damned he he were to let you go. You made Beel happy too, so you really were a fool to think that you could have convinced him otherwise.

He was in charge of dreams. The sleeping mind is malleable to suggestion and your dreams are no different. Most of the time he'll give you nice dreams. Warm memories from the past to remind you why you should stay, digging into your fantasies to play them out (the ones that involve the Devildom anyway) to give you incentive to stick around, and sometimes even raunchy dreams to ease you into the future... But sometimes he would give nightmares and all of the nightmares have one thing in common: they begin with you successfully running away from them. Different things will go wrong in your nightmare, from your family members not recognizing you or caring about you and being painfully alone, to being murdered or being kidnapped. All he needed to do was to plant a seed in your mind, that would take root and sprout...

Mammon was the last one to be on board with this plan. To the very end he still cared about your well-being above all else and when he realized that his brothers were never going to let you go, he stopped bargaining for your freedom. In the end, he was still selfish enough to want you to stay with him and, well, it's not like you'd be able to hide from his brothers anyway. So why not just give in and make life easier for yourself? And somehow, he would be the one to break you, even if he doesn't know it. His nonchalant attitude to the whole thing... He had been on your side at first but then he just... gave up?

He'd end up as another gaslighter, telling himself that he was doing it out of good intentions just like the rest of them. He would try to convince you to take it easy, take one day at a time. If you were good, then Lucifer would tell the brothers to give you more freedom! No one knew Lucifer's bottom line like Mammon, so just listen and do as he says! Life doesn't have to be miserable, it's all up to you!

Days pass, and then years... and you realize that you aren't aging. In a manner similar to Solomon, your pacts were keeping you alive and immortal. You would not die.

And, at the very end of the line, all you would have left would be those demon brothers you once called friends.

[cno-inbminor]

iterum vivere (childe/tartaglia)

a/n: wow, it’s been fucking forever. first genshin fic featuring childe/tartaglia!!! a very huge thank you to @suspensin​ for reading this over and being my rock and support, and i love her so fucking much. I couldn’t have finished this without her!

plot: reincarnation and modern/uni!au ft. afab reader!traveler with she/they pronouns x childe/tartaglia 

-- in which meeting childe is a bit of a dangerous game of push and pull

wc: 12.1k; angst + fluff

warnings:  DOES CONTAIN IN-GAME SPOILERS (1.5? 1.6? + story quest and idek) and NSFW MENTIONS (mdni to be safe). there’s no explicit smut but thoughts do run a bit wild here and there

EDIT: Altered ChiLumi version now posted on AO3 here!

“Haven’t we met before?”

The shine in your eyes does nothing to hide your curiosity, head even tilting a little in observation. He watches them scan his face for any recognizable features, but attempts to focus on the strange, taut string of déjà vu that pulls him toward you. In a moment of absentmindedness, he had heard a faint voice call out his name from your direction. Confusion overtook him as you weren’t looking at him, but something inside his brain said that it had to be from you. And so his feet redirected his path towards your figure in the student union building, as if on a mission.

“A fucking whale, Childe?”

Oh.

“I don’t think so…?” You trail off, curiosity now replaced by perplexed feelings. “Do we have a class together?”

I think I would’ve noticed you by now if you were.

“Ah, what’s your major?” Childe asks quickly to avoid listening to the little voice in his head.

“History and anthropology, you?”

“Economics, but I’ve taken a history course for core credits. Maybe it was then?”

“With Dr. Zhong?”

“Yes!” He snaps his fingers. Part of his brain decides to usefully function and scan his memories to see if he remembers your face or head of hair in the lecture hall then. “Last year? Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 to 11:20?”

“Actually, yeah,” you affirm in surprise. You think you would remember the relatively attractive ginger in your class, but honestly, it had all been such a blur and you were often pretty sleepy during class. Dr. Zhong didn’t quite appreciate it, but you made up for it with your exam and essay grades, as well as paying better attention in some of his other courses.

“Did you need me for anything?”

“I’d like for you to come visit and meet my family.”

He’s really not appreciating this extra voice speaking for him.

“Well…uh…” Childe stammers and looks away sheepishly, hand rubbing the back of his neck. He honestly had no reason for approaching you, and now, he just looks like a desperate idiot. Think quick, he tells himself, floundering for some shitty excuse.

“I wanted to, uh, take another history course as an elective and um, wanted to know if you had any recommendations?”

“Oh,” you blink. That’s a first. When he meets your gaze, the swirling shades of sapphire strike something deep within you. Flashes of events you can’t make out go by in the blink of an eye, but then you realize you’ve been staring for too long. Blood rushes to your cheeks because you don’t exactly want this guy to get the wrong idea from you, because how are you supposed to explain, “I’m sorry, but I think we have met before, but just a really, really long time ago, and we might’ve been more than just acquaintances because that’s what it feels like?”

“I think you’d like Teyvat Mythology,” your voice wavers on the verge of cracking. “Dr. Zhong might have a TA this time around, but Xiao’s a great teacher. Doesn’t have long, rambling anecdotes, but explains things well and gets straight to the point.”

“C-cool, I’ll look into it,” Childe replies and smiles brightly. “I’ll head out then,” jabbing a thumb over his shoulder, where he just realized he left a grouchy Scaramouche waiting by a vending machine, newly purchased Starbucks Tripleshot drink in hand. “Nice seeing you, (y/n).”

He scurries off before you both realize that you never told him your name.

“Who’s that?” Scaramouche asks, jutting his chin in your vague direction.

“Someone from my Intro to Liyuean History course last year,” Childe waves off. “Come on, let’s go before the line at the pasta bar gets too long.”

-

The next time you see Childe is by accident, traversing across an open field of grass that many students like to sit out on to relax with friends, sunbathe, hold events, or play casual team sports if room permits.

You had your earbuds in and were scrolling through social media when laughter rang above all other sound, causing your head to snap up and swivel around to find the source. And while it might’ve been strange to an outsider, your steps immediately slowed as you watched the man of your tiring, vivid dreams sprint in your direction, eyes pinned on a frisbee heading towards him.

He’s wearing a grey sports tank and basketball shorts, headband holding back his bangs as he makes a slight jump in the air to catch the plastic disc between his palms. His feet plant into the grass as he looks for someone to pass it to, and you watch (with embarrassment) the muscles in his throwing arm relax and tighten with practice, frisbee steadily soaring through the air in a beautiful arc towards a teammate. He then lightly jogs to get closer to his group, but then his back stiffens.

Before your instincts kick in for you to turn and bail, he looks over his shoulder and stares straight at your now stunned self.

The sole ruby earring that glints in the sunlight catches your attention, and you recall your dreams of terrifyingly dark, violet electric power, blades of water rushing toward you, and then the stomach-churning sensation of falling from great heights pours concrete into your veins—

Childe looks a little amused for having your sole focus, hand lifting up for a quick wave. And as you numbly return the greeting, your heart beats out, “Run from him.”

And so with the flight response pulsing and firing from your synapses, you abruptly speed walk away, almost breaking out into a sprint towards your dorm. You ignore his pointed, confused look, and pretend you don’t feel the two holes of imaginary fire searing into your back. It isn’t until you’re laying back in bed that you release a huge sigh of relief and pray to a deity you don’t believe in that those eyes of mirth will not haunt you tonight.

But of course, with a deity that doesn’t exist, the prayers go unanswered.

-

“Do you believe in any of the mythology you teach?” You ask Xiao about a few days later when you stop by his cubicle. Luckily, no one else is around for this conversation, and Xiao has always been kind enough to humor your thoughts. Granted, he might feel obligated because you had asked Dr. Zhong to be your advisor for your undergraduate Honors thesis, and Xiao was directed to be your receiver of some general questions and source of information if he wasn’t around.

A quick scan of your complexion tells Xiao everything he needs to know. Your eyes are overtaken with rumination and exhaustion, haziness clouding them as you seem to ponder over your own question. It’s not often that you ask him anything not related to your thesis or coursework.

“Perhaps there’s some sense and truth to the tales passed down,” he softly muses. “What makes you ask?”

You lift yourself to sit on the clean area next to his computer, legs slowly swaying back and forth. “It might sound crazy but...I’ve been having dreams lately. They feel too real, too natural to be anything that my mind would make up. I’ve never had the most creative imagination by any means, which is why there’s some comfort to me being a history major, but I can’t shake these.”

“So why ask me about the mythology?”

“...the Archons are there. I even dreamt that I met the Geo and Anemo Archons. And they controlled various elements, just like we were taught.”

You don’t notice that Xiao has ceased his rapid typing, fingers hovering over the keyboard before one hand removes his glasses from his face. He uses the other to rub his eyes and softly pinch the bridge of his nose before sliding the frames back on. Dark, golden amber eyes survey you as you grapple with the unfathomable possibilities of your nightly visions, at least until you shake your head in disbelief at yourself and lightly scoff.

“Who am I kidding?” You ask no one in particular. “Maybe I’ve been doing too much research and everything’s mixing together.”

“You’re ahead of schedule, if that provides any consolation.”

“Some.”

-

It takes Childe a grand total of one minutes and 53 seconds to sign up for Teyvat Mythology for the spring semester.

-

WInter in Liyue is only slightly miserable, being so close to the ocean. It’s chillier than usual on this dreary day, yet something compelled you to exit your dorm and shakily make your way to the campus coffee shop for a warm drink. Coffee, hot chocolate, you haven’t quite decided yet, but just as you let yourself bask in the warm building, familiar ginger hair and blue eyes wash away the comfort.

Or do they douse you in security?

They remind you of your recent dreams that now have shifted away from stress and violence to easygoing summer days by the oceanside, running barefoot in the sand while collecting beautifully patterned azure starconches. Sometimes, you thrust a hand towards an oversized four-leaf clover on a wooden stake with the power of wind and catch yourself in the air, soaring and looking around to find more of the little shells. Other nights, they consist of climbing steep cliffs, only to sit at the edge in the clouds with fatigue wracking through your system and marvel at the view before you.

Someone’s always with you though, ruby earring and maroon mask and cobalt blue gem hanging from the waist, sprinting with you, playfully tackling you down, pulling you up towards mountain peaks, laying their head on your shoulders, brushing their lips against your cheek--

You welcome the change of peace in those dreams, but only because they don’t leave you quite as tired the next day, as if you’d been avoiding an inescapable dark force.

Part of you wants the burning question of why this person, this man, in all his glory and brightness, affects you so fucking much when you barely even know the guy -- why looking at him sends your heart to lodge itself in your esophagus, why your lungs feel like they’re so close to being completely collapsed under the weight of his stare, why feeling like you’re trapped and  caught between wanting to run towards yet away from him.  It makes no sense, and you’re tired of trying to make sense of anything you don’t exactly want to remember from your dreams for some, once again, inexplicable reason.

But there’s no time to think as he quickly ambles towards you, your own feet shuffling forward to meet him in a warped reference of a distance that constitutes to “the middle” before you can stop yourself. Your shivering hasn’t quite stopped yet, and Childe seems to take notice of it.

“Pretty cold out there,”  he softly states. It’s cute, the way you’re curling in on yourself to retain some warmth.

“Y-yeah, not sure why I decided I really needed something warm to drink right now,” you reply and avoid his gaze. He watches you peer over his shoulder to squint at the menu display hanging from the ceiling, seemingly contemplating on what you should get.

“How about I get yours today? My treat for your class recommendation last time.” Anything to keep you here longer. Childe doesn’t realize how much he’s missed you, which confuses him, and chooses to ignore the fact that he’d been camping himself at the study tables in the building where the history department is located in hopes of even just catching a quick glimpse of you.

“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” you immediately attempt to subvert his generous offer, hands shooting out from your jacket pockets and waving in rejection. “It was nothing.”

“Please?” Childe puts on his best puppy eyes before reaching for one of your wrists, gently tugging you to the register. “Just this once?”

You want so badly to squash the tiny flare of disappointment that erupts in your chest from the newly acquired knowledge that this was just a one time thing. Do econ majors hate to feel in debt? That they must be even with everyone, or would rather have people indebted to them than the other way around?

There’s no time to think when Childe gives the cashier his order before turning to you, and without wanting to waste anyone’s time, you rattle off your usual beverage. He’s quick in fishing out his student ID to spend some of his campus currency, shooting you a boyish grin when you pout at your half-opened wallet.

“Go take that table over there,” he says, pointing to one in the corner by some windows. “I’m gonna tell my friends to go on without me.”

“I didn’t mean to intrude or pull you away from them,” you slightly panic. The sooner you can leave, the better. Right? “You don’t need to sit with me, I was just gonna head back to my dorm.”

“I insist. Go ahead, I’ll be right there.”

Why your brain takes his orders over your own is a mystery in and of itself, because before you know it, you’re plopped down in one of the lounge seats and staring off into space, mind reeling over the last two minutes. You pretend you can’t hear the way Childe’s friends nudge his arm playfully with their shoulders, wiggling their eyebrows suggestively as Childe tries to get them to stop being nonsensical.

“You’re gonna scare them off,” he hisses at them, hands pushing at their backs so they could finally leave him to his devices.

“Not before you do!” One of them laughs and Childe groans at their antics. “All right, all right, we’ll go. They’re cute though, might steal them if you don’t make a move.”

The darkening of the aura surrounding Childe is too quick for them to fully process, not before he dampens any of their fleeting hopes with a, “Don’t even fucking think about it.”

But it disappears just as fast when his and your drinks are called out, and he gives them one last shove before retrieving your to-go cups. Childe directs all his focus towards the seat diagonally from yours as opposed to the one that’s straight across, and you’re sharply ripped away from whatever reverie you let yourself slip into.

“Thank you,” you murmur, hands cupping the drink and feeling the heat seep into your fingertips. “You really didn’t have to, it was nothing big.”

“Can you blame me for just trying to find an excuse to finally talk to you?” He asks without a skip and you can’t tell if the quickening of your heartbeat is from a looming sense of doom or excitement. Those eyes, the tiny swirls of the ocean, blue like those shells buried in the sand--

It takes three seconds too long for you to understand where he was going with in his words, and part of you feels unamused at his smooth talking. You’ve always guarded yourself against guys like Childe, devilishly handsome who know their way around language semantics, ready to pull you in and just as ready to push you away. That (possibly unfair) bias, coupled with everything else you’ve been feeling for him, sounded the alarms and set the walls up around your heart. Perhaps you need to stop wearing your heart on your sleeve, because Childe immediately retracts his forwardness.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I promise I’m not looking for anything in return and you don’t owe me anything, but I really did just...want to sit and talk and...get to know you?” Childe trails off a little towards the end. Your body loosens up and relaxes just a tiny bit, feeling bad for your snap judgment. Let the guy do something nice, don’t look into it too much, you tell yourself. It’s a coffee, not a five-course dinner.

You reach out a hand towards him, small smile across your lips, ready for his to join yours in a quick handshake. “I’m (y/n), senior history and anthropology double major. It’s nice to meet you.”

The pounding of your heart against your ribcage has nothing to do with the shimmering of his eyes, nothing to do with the fact that his hand fits with yours just right, and nothing to do with the fact that an eerily similar voice from your dreams whispers, “I love you.”

You learn a number of things about Tartaglia in the four hours, like his family members and their respective interests, which classes he did and didn’t enjoy taking, certain takes on Schnezhnayan politics, his own various hobbies, crazy accidents from the occasional college parties, and more. He’s a bit of an open book, probably telling you way more than any regular person would, and definitely more than anything you revealed during all this time. Everything you tell him seems surface level, nothing too deep. The walls are still there to protect you from the unexplainable, profound feelings his presence seems to elicit, and luckily, he doesn’t prod any further. Childe feels the resistance and respects it, which just adds more brownie points in your book, and you almost feel bad for having given so little in return.

“I wish we were taking Teyvat Myth together,” he sighs when walking you back to your dorm, hands stuffed in his pockets. His ruby earring catches the light from the sunset, the shade almost complimentary to the golden amber rays that streak across the sky. “Would’ve helped having a history major in there.”

“Is that all I am to you, an answer bank?” You jokingly ask, but he watches concerningly as you shoot your gaze to the ground, mindfully stepping over the cracks between concrete slabs.

“Of course not,” a gentle sincerity reaches you, giving you the confidence to make eye contact with him. “I’m sorry for making it sound like that, it wasn’t my intention. I really just meant it as a way of saying if the professor or TA ended up being a total bore, then well, having you would make it more fun.”

“I’m sure I’d bore you even more,” chuckling, speeding up to get away. You’re growing too comfortable in whatever atmosphere Childe has created, like an enclosed air bubble bobbing gently in the depths of the sea and letting the waves carry you both to whichever ends of the earth.

“Hey,” he interjects, hand reaching out to stop you with a soft yank of your wrist. There is no resisting force from you, feet stepping backward until he meets you eye to eye. It’s unfair in the way that he can render you motionless by standing just an inch from you, arms brushing with his head tilted closer to your own. “Seriously, I’m glad we did this today. Are you?”

No, because now I don’t know what to think, I don’t know who you are, I’m not any closer to figuring out why you terrify yet leave me so enamoured with you, I’m torn between punching and kissing you and--

“Yes,” you subconsciously answer, brain immediately short-circuiting to scold yourself. “I had fun.”

His grin, charming, devilish, is so so bright, bright enough to rival the Liyue sun that sits on the pier, on the edge of the ocean, bright enough to rival the love that your fraternal twin showers you with on a daily basis. You want time to stop right here because you’re almost sick of the voice settled deep within your heart that screams, “Don’t get comfortable, you must run from him!”

“Good. Let’s do this again?” And you nod, of course you do. Foolish you. “Don’t be a stranger!” He calls out as he turns on his heel and waves over his shoulder, hand raised in the air, and you’re suddenly transported to another scene, a less refined version of the Liyue Harbor, watching as the head of ginger hair with a red mask in a flashier attire of grey and maroon walks away from you and onto a roaring, magnificent ship; big, ivory sails only seen in books and museums. It’s the same gesture of “see you later”, and just before he turns, you blink, and you’re back to seeing your campus again.

But Childe does look back once, warm and content that you’re still standing there, watching over him, and he can’t help but think about when he can spend time with you again, because suddenly, it truly feels like there’s not enough of it anymore.

-

“Excuse me, what’s a Red Bull?”

The last thing, or person rather, you expect to see on the last day of finals for the fall semester, is a small boy who looks way too young to be here, tugging on the sleeve of your windbreaker. He’s at most eleven, ten maybe, but he has eerily similar characteristics, as well as an accent that doesn’t quite belong to most Liyue natives. Still gathering your bearings from your own perusing of the fridges that hold all the possible beverages a college student could consume, you kneel down until you’re at eye level with the child.

“Repeat that for me? Are you looking for a Red Bull, you say?”

“Yes!” He beams and holds out a student ID that most definitely doesn’t belong to him. “My brother asked me to grab him one because he was busy with something.”

Your eyes flit over to the top shelves where the aforementioned cans of caffeine are located, and definitely too high for someone of his height to reach. “I’ll grab one for you. Did he ask for a specific flavor?”

“Nope, he said regular. Thanks, you’re really nice! Do you know my brother?” He asks, waving the ID at you so you can get a better look at the name. That’s definitely a face you recognize, but the name leaves you confused.

“Yeah, um,” glance over again, “I know...Ajax…”

“He’s the best toy seller in the whole world!”

Somehow, it suits him much better than Childe or Tartaglia, and you’re not quite sure what toys have anything to do with the matter at hand. Speaking of hands, the little boy grabs yours in sheer delight. “Can you take me back to his room? I kinda forgot the directions he told me, and everything’s so big around here.”

“Sure, just let me buy something, too, and I’ll take you.”

“Okay!”

The cashier isn’t the least bit fazed by the little brunette at your side -- it’s always common for family members to come in around the end of semesters to pick up kids or visit, and being an open building with snacks and drinks and a stopping point of most tours, they’ve seen it all. You even let him pick out a bag of chips and a candy bar for himself for being so polite and not a complete menace, paying with your own campus currency.

Teucer, as you’ve learned in the last two minutes, likes to point out things and ask you questions. Luckily, you have answers to most of them and do your best to pad the time, enjoying the feeling of a tiny hand wrapped around three of your fingers. It’s sweet to any normal passerby, believing they’re witnessing an older sister doting on their little brother around the holidays, but to Childe, seeing the tender sweetness on your face as you nod along to whatever Teucer is rambling about to you, sets his heart aflame. He’s already constantly on the verge of wanting to hug and kiss you and never let go, but you haven’t made any indication that you could potentially like him back, and this is just torture.

“Look what they bought me!” Teucer shoves his rewards in Childe’s face as if he had extremely poor eyesight, and you can’t help but laugh a little as you set his Red Bull down on his desk, clutching your own preferred beverage while looking around his room. Finals must have gotten to him with the unusual lack of tidiness in the small space, some laundry strewn here and there, a couple boxes of eaten microwave dinners in the metal wire trash can, some textbooks left open and marked with more sticky notes than you’ve ever seen. You’d only been here once before to drop off some food that he desperately messaged you about, stuck doing a project that he just couldn’t step away from.

“Pretend you don’t see the mess,” Childe pleads, handing a kid tablet to his brother but holding on before Teucer can take it. “What do you say to our nice friend here for buying you these snacks?”

“Thank you!”

“It was nothing,” you shyly smile, ruffling his hair. “I enjoyed meeting you.”

“Wait, what’s your name again?”

“It’s (Y/n).”

“Okay, (y/n)! Wait…(y/n)..as in…”

Teucer trails off and gives a look to his brother, one that spells curiosity and trouble, before he grabs your hand and pulls you into a corner. Any movement Childe makes to leave his desk chair is immediately squashed by Teucer’s disapproval, and the older man is left to helplessly worry when you’re told to squat down so secrets can be whispered into your ear.

“He talks about you a lot whenever he calls home,” and you want to laugh at Tecuer’s attempt to sound as scandalous as possible. “All the time! I think he likes you, like, like like.”

Oh. Oh dear.

“What makes you say that?” You whisper back, indulging both yourself and him, yet also internally snickering at how troubled Childe looks.

“Sometimes, he video calls mama, but we’ll all sit around and talk, and whenever he’s talking about how he saw you or something, he just looks...happy. Really happy.”

The surprise on your face does nothing to settle Childe’s nerves and he’s about to start wringing his hands together. Whatever Teucer was telling you couldn’t be good, probably embarrassing, like the one time he unceremoniously fell on his ass while ice skating over a frozen lake, or when he tried fitting fifteen marshmallows in his mouth and nearly choked on them when their mother caught them in the act, or--

“I think he just thinks of me as a good friend,” you try to inform Teucer, not letting yourself get any semblance of hope. “Nothing more, nothing less.”

“If you say so,” Teucer pouts. But then he stops whispering and bounds over back to his brother, grabbing the tablet before plopping down on the half-made bed.

“Look, I was overconfident and thought I could execute a perfect single loop on the ice, but there was a rock and I lost balance and--”

“I wasn’t being told any stories about you falling on ice, but do tell me more,” you chuckle and take some joy in watching the blush spread across his cheeks. It’s easy to tell that he’s mentally berating himself for jumping to conclusions.

“Well, first off, thanks for buying him all that, and my drink, too,” he sighs. “I spoil him enough as it is.”

“I can see why it’s hard not to,” you smile knowingly. “So is it just him here? Where’s the rest of your family?”

“Funny story, he somehow managed to convince my parents to let him come here on his own as his first ever plane flight, so I had to pick him up yesterday from the airport. He’s flying back with me tomorrow.”

“And the RA?” You ask with an eyebrow raised.

“Ah...well...what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him? Speaking of, what was Teucer whispering to you about?”

There’s a pensiveness that overtakes you when you look at Teucer again, who’s happily playing some sort of game and completely oblivious to the rest of his surroundings. You won’t, can’t, take his words to heart, and will take them with a grain of salt at most.

“Nothing important. Although I did learn something new...Ajax?”

“Say my name -- fuck, say it, please--”

“I guess cat’s out of the bag,” he chuckles and looks away, absolutely unaware of the flare of heat that swirls in your stomach from the fleeting vision just now. “I came up with other nicknames as a kid to seem cooler, and they just stuck with me. Plus, the business world is full of people who just want something from you, or just a transactional relationship. I’d rather not give my real name to them, if you know what I mean.”

“That’s fair,” you nod and lean to sit on the edge of his desk. A thought pops into your head and you turn the words over in your head like a washing machine on the spin setting, teeth gnawing on the flesh of your bottom lip. If Teucer hadn’t been in the room, he would’ve been this close to kissing you.

“But if it’s worth anything,” your voice slowly, softly starts, cautious and wary of your thoughts. “I think...Ajax suits you best.”

Curse fate. Curse the legendary Archons. Curse karma and deities and spirits because all he wants to do right now is stand and tower over you, trap you between himself and his desk so you can’t escape, take those pretty lips between his until they’re bruised and swollen because of him, hear you call out his name in the throes of pleasure so he can finally replace his fantasies with tangible memories. The unnatural, magnetic pull that draws him to you is unbearable now -- he feels like he’ll lose the last tendrils of his sanity if he doesn’t do something.

You can’t stop him from slowly reaching out to grab one of your hands, lifting it towards him until he’s close enough for you to feel his breath ghost over your knuckles. It sends a shiver down your spine and blood is pounding in your ears because you can’t begin to fathom what he’s thinking about while doing this, even more so when his lips make contact with your skin and your breath hitches, stuck in your throat as he languidly peeks at you beneath his eyelashes with a heated gaze, then lowly confessing, “My name sounds best when you say it.”

Good heavens.

It’s difficult to swallow and keep your composure, especially when Teucer yells out in glee over, what you can assume, beating something in his game, and Childe drops your hand. But his dilated pupils don’t retract in the slightest, refusing to let you look away so that maybe, you can understand what he’s trying to convey to you. He’s taking the first step because he’s terrible and can’t contain his self-control anymore, pushing the ball into your court, ready for you to either play or exit into the sidelines.

When you do blink, there’s a vision of your naked body wrapped around another, limbs clinging desperately to a sturdy and panting frame. Lips, much like the ones that have seared themselves onto your knuckles, are at your neck and sucking, biting, before moving to your ear and laying filthy words into them that drive you closer to the edge. It all happens so fast that you feel you’ve just experienced whiplash, yet also feeling secondhand embarrassment at how lewd some of these thoughts have been.

You can’t stay here any longer.

“I-I have to go,” spills off your tongue before you can really think about it. The way the haze shatters in his eyes is heartbreaking in its own way, but there’s no time for you to explain. Your brain is in overdrive and eager to run, run, run. It detects danger on all fronts, but you muster out a, “H-have a good break, come find me next semester, mmk?”

And you’re out the door with inhuman speed. When the door clicks shut, only then does Teucer look up from his screen and frown at the lack of your presence. “Where’d they go?”

Chlide doesn’t seem to hear him, and Teucer has never seen his big brother look so sad and confused before.

-

He holds on to that last tendril of hope, because mark his words, he will find you come January.

-

After about a week at home, enjoying the festive time with his family and mildly unconcerned about next year’s courses because that was a problem for another day, Childe has his first, crazy, nonsensical dream.

At least, that’s what he tells himself when he snaps awake and his body aches with exhaustion. Not only are his joints in agony, he also feels like he’s sporting unforeseen bruises, which makes absolutely no sense because he hasn’t done anything that would warrant them, no matter how much he and his brothers do some rough-housing. His night of sleep was all consumed by flashes and scenes of weapon fighting, lucid enough to remember feeling his arms flex and wield bows and double-headed polearms and being cognizant of all the enemies??? surrounding him. They ranged from deranged looking monsters, floating beings with soulless masks, and large humans in electricity-padded armor, to behemoth machines in the sky that could leave you within an inch of your life thanks to a drill for a hand?!

But what’s even worse is that you seem to have managed a deal with Morpheus himself and infiltrated his dreams. You were there, too, sometimes fighting with him, sometimes against him, much to his dismay, and while it was nice, he just didn’t get it. Why the friendliness and hostility? Why was there an anger that overtook him when looking directly at you, parrying your blade and sending harmful arcs of water toward your figure?

Why did he relish the fear in your eyes when he darted towards you with electricity cracking through the air?

There’s an overwhelming sensation now to grab his phone to text you and apologize -- for what, he can’t fathom and there are no words to accurately convey what he’s thinking. “Hey, sorry for wanting to kill you in my dream :( “? Or “Sorry for being a friend but then stabbing you in the back, but then being nice to you again”?

And the only thing that really made sense was the serenity and contentment that would course through his veins as the two of you danced around on ivory sandy beaches, picking up shiny blue starconches and taking down more weird creatures; the breathlessness when you would fall back into the water and re-emerge to reconfirm his beliefs that you were one of the most beautiful humans he’d ever laid his eyes on; the love--

Hold the fuck up.

He doesn’t love you. He likes you a whole lot and he’s severely and deathly attracted to you, but he doesn’t love you. Your existence has only been made known to him for about two months, and he didn’t really start talking to you until three weeks in. So no matter how comfortable he feels with you, no matter how much he wishes that you were sleeping peacefully next to him so his nights wouldn’t feel so lonely, it was too early, too hasty, to say that he loves you.

“I’ve been wondering, why didn’t you bring them home?” His mother asks him out of nowhere during breakfast, all to add to this extremely tumultuous roller-coaster morning he’s been having. All he wants to do is eat his bowl of milk and cereal, then potentially go back to sleep before fulfilling his promise to go with his siblings to the nearby skating rink. It takes everything in him to not choke on his spoon of grains.

“Agreed, didn’t you mention they didn’t really have any family to go back to and that the move to Liyue was semi-permanent?” His father chimes in, laying a quick peck on his wife’s temple. “It’s never fun to spend the holidays alone.”

“They would’ve felt like they were intruding,” Childe replies quietly, stabbing his bowl a few times before scooping up another spoonful of cereal to his mouth. “I know we’re friends, but we haven’t known each other for that long, and maybe they’d be uncomfortable because that’s a lot honestly…”

“You don’t know until you try,” his mother sings and pats him on the shoulder. “We do have a guest room after all.”

“For them and their twin?”

“And quite a comfortable futon with enough blankets.”

Childe smiles fondly at his parents’ kindness. He can only imagine what this winter break would’ve been like now -- you and your twin floating around, trying to help out with certain chores, sitting by the fireplace and watching TV, huddled up with mugs of hot chocolate, playing board games with everyone and engaging in all the shenanigans…

Laughing. Loving. Grinning. Basking.

Handing over one of his hoodies to you as a sick way of torturing yet blessing himself for seeing how lovely you look in his clothes, standing silently in the doorway as you attempt to help out with mealtimes next to his mother, watching you run around in the backyard and dodging his siblings’ snowballs while lodging a few of your own -- how wonderful it all would be.

But he squashes it down as quickly as possible, because you escaped his grasp. You ran away from his advances temporarily and even though you gave him permission to seek you out come the spring semester, he worries that you might take it back. Something will wake up inside of you to keep him out of your heart and your life, and he’s not confident enough at this point to believe there’s a good chance you will come spend the holidays with him and his family next year.

“Maybe next year, ma,” he sends her a hesitant, yet somewhat broken purse of his lips that’s just the least bit curved. It tells her everything he’s thinking, and the quick patting of his cheek lets him know she understands.

Half an hour later, Childe finds himself curled up on his side under the sheets, phone in hand as he stares at a blinking cursor. It shouldn’t be so hard to send a text to convey his holiday greetings, because that’s all it is -- part of him is becoming desperate and aching for some interaction with you, even if it’s just a text sent back for conventional social pleasantries. He’ll take it for now, right?

Before he can totally chicken out, his thumbs quickly type a, “Happy Holidays, (y/n) :)”, and it’s a little embarrassing how quickly after he hits the ‘send’ button that he tosses it over his shoulder so he’s not directly looking at it anymore. His heartbeat is too quick and he prays for no phantom vibrations or phantom sound notifications to avoid any disappointment of thinking he got a reply. It was a harmless text, yet he’s treating it like he just got assigned on a mission to go and murder someone for the first time. What will he do if you never text him back? Does that mean you really don’t want to talk to him? Are you dead in a ditch somewhere? Did you change numbers and not tell him? Did your twin get all the details and make the executive decision to block his number? Will he never get a chance to talk to you again, even if it’s about something in the Teyvat Mythology class next semester? Will you--

His shoulder screams in protest when he quickly flips himself over at the text notification sound, hands shakily unlocking his phone and opening up your conversation again. His heart rate significantly decreases, reaching back to its normal pace, especially as he reads the little words on his screen.

“Happy Holidays, Ajax ^^”

There is hope.

-

“You’re thinking about him, aren’t you?”

You’re huddled under the comforter of your twin’s bed, phone just peeking above the edge as you stare at it with a brightness in your eyes. For the most part, you had been sulking there, apart from meals and going back to your own room to sleep, and mentally berating yourself for the way you reacted to Childe the week before.

“He just texted me to say happy holidays,” shrugging to put on a facade of indifference. It’s stupid that you’re trying to hide your feelings from your twin of all people, who could pick apart and identify your emotions in a heartbeat. A roll of his eyes lets you know that you haven’t fooled him at all.

“So you think that whatever comment he made, which was very suggestive and indicative of clearly non-platonic feelings, was just something...friendly? Remind me again how you came to that conclusion?”

“I don’t know what I was thinking!” You whine, looking around to see if there was anything you could toss at him. “It’s just, with everything, all the dreams and stupid gut feelings, I just -- I don’t know, okay?? I can’t tell you enough how much I wish I had just kissed his stupid face and see where it goes from there.”

“Okay, gross, but don’t beat yourself up. Though...I do have a good idea on how to maybe get a good reaction out of him. You wanna go to the New Years’ celebration at Xiangling’s?”

“I think she’d threaten me with a knife if I didn’t. She wanted to go shopping at some point, too.”

“I’ll drop the overprotective brother act for one night, okay? One night, just to let this happen, and for your peace of mind.”

He does a fair amount of conspiring with Xiangling, a friend they met one time at a restaurant a couple years ago, even tagging along on the shopping trip. Together, the three of you find yourself a dress that Xiangling swears would make any person drool over you, including Childe, because at the end of the day, he was a person with the possibility of being attracted to you.

You think it’s a bit silly, but honestly, what do you have to lose at this point?

-

At 11:57PM on New Years’ Eve, Childe is standing outside in the freezing cold with his family, arms lifting up bags of sparklers and fireworks. They’ve driven out closer to the wild like they do every year, and everybody excitedly gets lighters ready, making sure someone’s got a clock out there that tells the seconds. As the younger kids open up the packaging and argue over which one to set off first, Childe’s phone vibrates in his coat pocket.

It’s 11:58PM when he manages to fish the device out and thank himself for buying gloves that are touch-screen friendly, excited to see that there are two texts from you, the latter reading, “Happy New Year!”. It doesn’t matter that you’re a little early, but he’s mainly intrigued by the fact a photo came before it. In his mind, you’re probably curled up with your twin brother, hopefully a selfie because wow, he misses your face.

He gets something else instead, and he is so glad that it’s dark outside and the electric lamp they have is too far away from him to draw any attention.

You have your arm around your brother’s waist and another girl’s that he doesn’t recognize, but it’s a full frontal view of your outfit, one that hugs your curves beautifully and shows more cleavage than he’s ever seen from you, sophisticated and elegant, yet fun and leaving enough to the imagination. There’s a bright smile coming from all of you, and you look like you’re at someone’s house or apartment with plenty of other people milling around in the back, but they don’t matter, not when all he can focus on is you.

Gorgeous, breathtaking, arousing, mind blowing, and gods, he wishes he could teleport to Liyue at this moment, find you, and kiss you right at midnight. Fuck the fact that he doesn’t exactly believe in superstitions like, “Kissing your significant other at midnight means you’ll last forever!” but he’s willing to take the chance with it on this night and the ones after, if he’s allowed. He tries not to think too much about pinning you against the wall and letting the world dissolve -- wants to be the one with the privilege to drag down that zipper and feel his bare skin on yours, and --

As Teucer starts yelling there’s only a minute left, he instinctively locks his phone and shoves it away out of anyone’s view. The last thing he needs is his family teasing him about ogling at your photo for a straight 50 seconds, wide-eyed and pupils on the verge of dilating, the visible breath leaving his mouth just a smudge more dense and prominent than usual.

The only thing he can do to distract himself from popping a boner in front of his parents is to join in on the countdown, making sure all the fireworks are set up correctly and grabbing a sparkler for himself. He waves it around with Tonia and promises to fulfill her wishes of taking one of those pictures right as she draws a pattern in the air. Their excitement is palpable and addicting, and even though the larger fireworks set off a few seconds after midnight hits, the nostalgia fills his lungs with fond memories and future wishes that they only continue this tradition for as long as possible, and hopefully, with you at his side.

-

When it’s 12:04AM, you get a picture message back of Childe bundled up in a black paletot coat, matching beanie and all, a gloved hand holding a sparkler and lips curved upwards, with a caption that says, “Happy New Year’s! See you soon :)”. You show it to Xiangling and your brother, both taking it as a win in their books, although the former does tipsily protest that there should be a better indicator of Childe’s brain breaking at how amazing you look right now. Maybe she’s prophetic, because another text chimes in and the words set you aflame, as well as suggestive whoops into your ears.

It’s a simple, “You look incredible btw”.

If you didn’t want to properly savor this moment, you would’ve found the nearest shot of the strongest liquor and tossed it back with abandon. But you want to remember the warmth in your veins that wasn’t from the alcohol or the heating, the fluttering of your heartbeat, the teeth-baring grin that you couldn’t fight off, the constant re-reading of those four words -- because they’re so different from everything you had been feeling before with him, the need for protection, the need to escape. Instead, you’d like to be in his arms right now and see for yourself how he’d look at you in this moment, and if he would take any action.

You want him to. So, so bad.

-

Childe spends his last week at home hating the fact that you’re just sitting around somewhere in Liyue, doing whatever you’re doing, probably doing some light preparation for your last semester of classes, and he’s not there to take advantage of all this free time and hang out with you. When classes start, it’ll be busy and hectic. You still have your thesis to finish and revise, and while that won’t eat up all your time, it’s still some that he’d want to fill in with his presence if he could. He debates whether or not he should ask for your schedule and compare it with his, maybe set up meetings every other day or propose that they all eat one meal together every day. Childe’s not quite sure of what you plan to do after graduation, as it hasn’t come up in conversation yet, but either way, he’s determined to stay in contact and make things work out. Long distance isn’t ideal, but with technology now, he’ll take it.

He feels a little bad for how excited he probably looked to be leaving home, uncharacteristic for the most part. His older siblings have already gone back to their respective homes, and it’s mainly Teucer and Tonia that worry and tear up when he starts packing his belongings. Tonia finds it unfair that Teucer got to meet you first and the latter makes sure to rub it into everyone’s faces. It’s hard for Childe to sleep on the plane because he’s thrumming with excitement, yet somehow even more nervous than usual when the plane hits small bouts of turbulence, and he doesn’t seem to relax until he sets foot back on campus.

He’s here. It’s January, and you’re physically closer to him than ever in the last two weeks.

-

“Found you.”

On the first day of classes, you’re sitting alone with some salad greens in a bowl, poking your fork at some scraps while you watch something on your phone, earbuds in and back towards the entrance of the canteen. It would explain the unannounced entrance of the very person who’s been at the forefront of nearly every thought in the last 96 hours, his fingers gingerly removing an earbud to surprise you as best as possible, and you startle in your seat.

Your heart kicks into overdrive when he hands you back your earbud and pulls out the seat next to you, setting his own plate of food down as he plops down in his chair. But then he says nothing afterwards, instead choosing to send you a cheeky grin before digging in. You’re left to slowly phase out of your state of shock, stuck between either running away or frantically texting your twin to come and save you even though he was off on a date with Keqing.

It’s not that you weren’t elated at the fact that Childe had done exactly as you told him last month, you just weren’t...prepared? It’s a shitty excuse and a cop out -- you’re mainly just having trouble with racking your brain to find the right words. What are you supposed to say? What should you do? Is it socially acceptable to lean over and kiss him on the cheek because that’s what you’d like to impulsively do at this very second??

“So you did,” you settle and steal a roasted potato wedge from his plate. It’s his turn to be taken by surprise, but he gets over it much quicker than you do. In fact, he spears two wedges and drops them in your bowl, smiling at you as best as he can with a mouth full of food. You give them your thanks before the silence settles in again.

“Did you have a good break?” He asks before his next bite.

“I did. You?”

“It was nice. My parents said I should’ve brought you and your twin home to spend the holidays with us. Can’t say it didn’t cross my mind before finals.”

Holy shit, what? “We couldn’t intrude like that, but that’s really nice of you guys.”

“That’s okay, there’s plenty of chances to visit later.”

You tilt your head and furrow your eyebrows. “But we graduate this semester?”

Childe challenges you with one of his own eyebrows raised. “And? Are we never gonna see each other again?”

Honestly, the possibility had occurred to you. You aren’t entirely sure of Childe’s plans after graduation, and if that meant he was staying in Liyue or going back to Snezhnaya or even moving to Inazuma or Mondstat. While people preach on and on about how lasting friendships and relationships are often formed during college, you believe it’s more common to slowly drift apart as life gets busier. And if Childe moved away, or if you did, it’d be hard to consistently keep in touch with 10 hour workdays.

The thought saddens you, regardless. You like him so much and you’re glad that he was even in your life to begin with, because as unbelievable as it sounds, seeing him was almost akin to the feeling of coming home. Amidst all your nerves, your confusion, your spiraling thoughts, something deeply sated in your heart was a comfort that you found with very few people in your life whenever in his presence.

The thought of leaving and never looking back somehow doesn’t feel new -- it’s bittersweet, but the air in your lungs feels like it’s surrendered to something, like it was to be expected.

“You can’t just leave without telling me--”

“It was last minute! I had no choice!”

“You could’ve written up a message, anything--”

“Can you imagine the position you’d be in if the message got intercepted? I wouldn’t have been safe, she’d make you come after me--”

“As if you’d be any safer in Inazuma of all places! That’s the one place I can’t easily get to!”

“I can take care of myself, Childe, I don’t need you to protect me.”

“This isn’t about me protecting you, (y/n) and -- stop walking, will you?!”

“Then what is this about?” You spin on your wheel with eyes aflame. “Why are you so angry with me? It’s normal for me to disappear for weeks at a time, why was this any different?”

“Because you could’ve died!” He yells back in despair, chest heaving. Your silence is his cue to continue. “You could’ve died and I wouldn’t have known until much later. You could’ve died and all I’d ever think about were the things I never got to say to you, and how I wish I had treated every day with you like it was our last.”

It isn’t hard to tell that you’re stunned and at a complete loss for words. Childe often hides behind facades of charm and wit, and only when he is truly weak does he choose to be this vulnerable, baring his heart for you to see.

“I only have two nightmares in this world. One, my family being harmed in any way. Two, reading in a report or hearing from an agent that you’ve been captured and killed.”

“I like to think that we will.”

His hand reaches out to lay on top of yours, giving it a quick squeeze. “Well, let’s make the most of it this semester.”

Conversation afterwards is easy, filling each other in on holiday activities. Childe speaks extensively about several family traditions and you listen with rapt attention, basking in how fond he is of all of them. Even as you both bring your dishes to the return belt and leave, he immediately offers to drive you both somewhere to get boba, noticing your reluctance to part ways. But boba shops have to close, and you both have class tomorrow morning, and you’re both finding any excuse to keep talking, even if that means sitting outside your dorm building on a nearby bench.

You eventually bid each other good night’s and see you later’s, him refusing to walk away until the heavy door locks shut behind you after you swipe your student ID, and you looking over your shoulder to watch his figure disappear into the night.

-

True to his intentions, Childe makes great efforts to meet you at least once a day, and he can’t get enough. Each parting from you tugs and tugs at his heart, as if there’s a high possibility you’ll never want to see him again the next day, and he wouldn’t know what to do with himself. Your twin and Childe get along well for the most part, and he even meets Xiangling on one of her shifts at her regular restaurant, who sends you a salacious wink and an eyebrow wiggle over his shoulder that nearly causes you to burst from embarrassment.

February rolls over without a hitch, even if you’re a little disappointed that Childe didn’t make a move for Valentine’s Day. Granted, you two still spent time with each other and he’s so darn physically affectionate and he bought you a carnation from the event his dorm held, but you wish you had the guts to fess up and just kiss the man.

It’ll happen some day, you tell yourself. You have time before graduation.

Two days before the end of the Friday that would signal the start of Spring Break, you wake up in a cold sweat, mind reeling and head splitting, heart so so heavy, as a connection is made between your present and your dreams. Not long after, there are tears streaming silently down your face and into your open palms placed in your lap, and you sit in shock as everything comes back to you. Memories are such treasured burdens, you realize.

For the most part, you had gotten used to the dreams, choosing to take charge of what you know and feel now with Childe over succumbing to some strange neurological premonitions. Especially in your dreams when many people’s faces were blurred over and hazy, and the only things you could rely on were voices, touch, and other physical features. You thought that maybe your mind was just playing tricks by transposing Childe’s hair onto a body that was also strikingly similar to his, but for the first time last night, you could see each defining feature on his face as clear as day.

The sight of his figure arching gracefully over yours, the water arrows that appeared out of thin air, the back that protected you from some military men, the voice that said, “Hey girlie, hold still.”

And that was when you had snapped awake to your current state.

Past the initial shock and uncontrollable tears, you soon bent over as sobs wracked your chest, overwhelmed by all the emotions and the pain the memories brought you; losing your twin, finding him to only be left with even more questions after roaming for decades and decades, meeting all your loved ones throughout Mondstat and Liyue, fighting yet falling so hard for Childe, feeling the fear when facing his Foul Legacy form, hating him for Osial, loving him, breathing heavily as the tip of your blade was pointed at his neck and his own just centimeters from yours, tendrils of water inching closer and closer--

Everything makes sense now.

When you meet your twin for lunch at the cafeteria, you pay no mind to the fact that you’re in public and hug him harder than you ever have in years. He’s already a little alarmed that your eyes seem swollen and you look like finals came two months early, but when he asks what’s wrong, all he gets is a shake of your head and nothing more than, “Just a bad nightmare. I love you, y’know that?”

“I love you too?”

“Don’t sound so unsure, now let’s go and get in line before they run out of Jueyun Chili Chicken.”

Even when you meet Xiao later in the early evening to talk about your thesis, you find yourself holding back more tears just two minutes in, reminded of his past and his own life, and he’s moderately concerned, hesitantly handing you a tissue from the corner of his desk when a stray tear escapes. “Is everything okay?” He hesitantly asks, really hoping that he didn’t do anything to make you cry.

“No,” you almost wail and sniffle while dabbing at your eyes. “Sorry, it’s just been a really long day.”

Xiao’s inquisitive gaze softens, remembering how hard undergraduate life could be sometimes. Graduate school was a whole other level, but that shouldn’t discount your own personal difficulties. Plus, in all of the year and a half that he’s known you, you’ve never broken down like this before in front of him.

“You work really hard, Xiao,” you continue, and he’s not sure where this is coming from. “You’re always so helpful and willing to work with me and answer my stupid questions and like-- you practice self-care, right?”

Xiao nods as a white lie, but it seems to comfort you. Maybe too much because you pull him in for a quick and unexpected hug, and you both decide to reschedule this meeting for tomorrow.

As per usual, you wait for Childe to join you for dinner since you finished up earlier than expected. It gives you more time to think about everyone from Mondstat -- Kaeya, Diluc, Lisa, Jean, Amber...funny to think that some things never changed as you compared their past version to the ones you know now.

“Mora for your thoughts?”

There’s a peace that warms your heart when you hear Childe’s voice, one that forces you to smile at him as he sits down next to you. “Just thinking about old friends.”

“I have to admit, I’ll be a little jealous if it’s another guy taking up more space than me in that pretty brain of yours.”

What a flirt. This man isn’t good for your heart. “Who said you had any to begin with?”

He dramatically places a hand over his heart. “You wound me, (y/n). How will I ever recover?”

“You’re ridiculous,” you snicker. Childe reaches over to pinch your cheek and you bat at him in protest. Easily, he grabs one of your hands and simply pulls you towards the food lines, knowing that you’ll stop fighting back soon.

Part of it feels strange now to feel and see his hands with no leather gloves on.

“Childe,” you start halfway through your meal, continuing after he hums back in reply. “Do you believe in reincarnation?”

He freezes briefly, but recovers so quickly that if you hadn’t been watching so closely, you wouldn’t have noticed. “I think it’s neat, the idea of having past lives. Why do you ask?”

What he really wants to ask is if you’ve been having those dreams, too; if he’s starring in your nights like you have been in his.

“Just a thought, especially since you’re taking Teyvat Myth now, too.”

“Do you...do you think if there was a past life, that we knew each other?”

There’s something about the look of content on your face before you meet his gaze -- he thinks that you know more than you’re letting on but you’re holding back for some reason. He wants to know what’s going through your brain right now, why the fondness in your eyes sends a jolt through him like he’s been searching for it all his life, if you know anything about this magnetic pull between you two.

“I like to think that we knew each other well.”

-

Even though the first day of your returned memories was somewhat eventful, you couldn’t help but feel yourself wanting to pull back from Childe -- at least, until you can successfully compartmentalize which emotions belonged to you past self and which ones belonged to your current mindset. You didn’t quite agree with his duties and his affiliation with the Fatui back then, even if he had his reasons that did make sense, to some degree.

The killing, the threatening, so intent on stealing Rex Lapis’s Gnosis in the name of the Tsaritsa, summoning Osial as a mean to an end -- and you definitely can’t forget how stubborn he was in not listening to your protests, so caught up in his brain that you had betrayed him and sent you plummeting to a near-death experience despite his earlier promise of no intention of killing you specifically.

Everything had been toeing a faint, thin line with Childe then. Undeniable chemistry and tension, guarding yourself for yours and Paimon’s safety, slashing at Fatui agents, whispering out pleas and affirmations of “I’m yours” while riding him, sometimes having to sneak out in the mornings…

The only thing you don’t remember is how everything ends -- maybe it’ll come back to you eventually, but for now, you think you’re okay not knowing.

If Childe still doesn’t remember anything from back then, you think it’d be unfair to spend time with him in all your conflicting emotions, even when it’s spring break, where you have so much more hours in the day to be with each other than normal. Fun plans around Liyue had been made, like a two-day one-night trip to Yaoguang Shoal, and you’re this close to cancelling on him.

But he had been looking forward to it so much, even made most of the preparations for it. Who are you to rob that joy from him when it was you who couldn’t figure out your own shit? Are you self-destructing?

Perhaps.

Before you know it, you’re sitting in the passenger seat of his car, staring out the window at the scenery. Somehow, it pleased you to see that the nature of Liyue had been carefully preserved over the many centuries despite its development into the modern age. You get lost in picking apart the differences between then and now that you don’t notice how quiet you’ve fallen and Childe looks over worriedly when you show no reaction to your favorite songs playing on the stereo.

Even when he calls your name once, twice, nothing gives as you clearly have tuned everything out. So he leaves you be until there’s about half an hour left on the drive, unable to hold back and succumbing to reach over for your hand. You startle so strongly that he almost feels bad for having done it unannounced. But what’s even more disturbing is that this isn’t really the first time.

You’ve been talking to him less, often sitting quietly and staring off into another world that he can’t seem to reach. His texts are answered less frequently and with less wit and enthusiasm, so much so that he just appreciates you still show up to see him. Each time he asks if you’re okay, you always affirm that you are. He’s had a hard time believing you, but Childe believes you’ll tell him when you’re ready, surely.

It’s a little ironic yet fateful that Childe planned to bring you here, of all places. In the past, you had spent many days and nights running around in the sand with him, fighting slimes and hilichurls and collecting starconches for him. You remember laying on a large towel next to him as you both looked up into the sky, pointing out stars and constellations while sharing endless kisses away from prying, spying eyes.

“I’m sorry, I must’ve zoned out,” you sincerely apologize.

“It’s okay, I just wanna make sure you relax while we’re here. This is supposed to be a vacation.”

“You’re right,” you agree and squeeze his hand. “Let’s make the most of it before we become adults who are too busy to have fun like this again.”

And you do. Childe rented a small beach cabin (rich boys) closer to one end of the shoreline, just big enough with two bedrooms, a bathroom, and a small kitchen with a dining table. You help him bring in your bags and some groceries bought the night before, setting them down quickly so you can peer out the window again to take in the view. Childe picked a good time, too. Although it’d be a little chilly at night, the day was still warm and mainly overcast with clouds.

“What do you say we change into our swimsuits and head down to the water?”

“Sure.”

Childe hadn’t really been expecting for you to step out in a large, casual tee and gym shorts, one shoulder exposed. He might have been hoping to see a little more skin, but his mother didn’t raise a chauvinistic pervert for a son.

The light in your eyes as you both approach the water is everything he had been missing the last few days, your excitement and joy contagious. As soon as you place everything down on the sand, you kick off your flip flops and leave him behind to step into the water, giggling at feeling the waves crash over your ankles and bring sand between your toes. Childe approaches you from behind and starts smearing sunblock on the back of your neck, to which you just grin beautifully at him in thanks and he has to fight off the desire to kiss you right then and there.

You’re too caught up in embracing the ocean afterwards to feel the shrinking distance between you two, mistaking his warmth for the general spring air. It isn’t until he’s done with your shoulders that he hands you the bottle to leave you to do the rest of your body, and when you turn to thank him, he’s much closer than you remember. His eyes are gentle, holding your gaze and almost daring you to look away first.

But if there’s one thing you can place without a shred of doubt, it is the unmistakable look of love, because you had seen it many, many times before without knowing until later what it meant.

How so incredibly lucky you were to have Childe back in your life now, loving you all the same, and with no life-threatening barriers. Fate or the Archons have given you a second chance, and you’d be damned to take it for granted.

Childe welcomes your lips against his, wasting no time to bring you into his arms so you’re pressed against him as much as possible. He can’t care for the overt public display of affection because this is everything he’s wanted for months now, waiting patiently for you to give him permission to make you his. Your lips are incredibly soft and pliant against his as you first kiss him patiently, then applying more force and desperation to taste more of him. He mirrors you, one hand cradling the back of your head and the other on your neck with a thumb extended to your jawline, teeth moving to nip at your bottom lip. It’s dangerous, the way you smile against his lips, and when he sinks his teeth in deeper before pulling back, your quiet mewl nearly drives him over the edge.

But you’re in public, and this was an amazing first kiss. You two have a beach to enjoy and a fun night planned, and now that he doesn’t have to hold back on his affections, it’ll be even better.

His lips part from yours regretfully, his eyes languidly opening to meet yours. Out of the corner of his eye, he spots a blue starconch in the sand and freezes.

It’s not that he’s never seen one before, but something clicks. You. The shore. Starconches. Starry nights. His dreams. Monsters. Gods. Fighting. So much fighting. Training. His family. Dragons. You. Falling. You falling. You fighting him. Yelling. Kissing. Loving. Chasing. Him chasing you before you disappear at a teleport waypoint that somehow you only can operate. The abyss. Your twin.

Oh, Archons.

“ -ou okay, Ajax? Ajax?”

He snaps to look at you again. How does he go about this? How does he ask?

“(Y/n)...have you ever heard of the Fatui Harbingers?”

He has to admit that it’s a bit amazing to be able to identify all the emotions that cross your complexion, from curiosity to realization to conflicted. You’re actively trying to piece everything together without revealing too much on the off-chance that you’re wrong, that Childe hasn’t regained his memories and is just asking about something from class randomly and completely out of the blue.

Wait.

“You haven’t reached that material yet in class,” you whisper, heart in your throat at the realization. Could it really be…

“I was once Tartaglia, eleventh Harbinger of the Fatui, who possessed a Delusion and used my Foul Legacy Transformation with you several times,” he murmurs back, tucking a stray tendril behind your ear. “Is it too late to apologize again for summoning an ancient god and letting you fall about five floors with no warning?”

He should’ve been prepared for you wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him in for a tight embrace. “No, never, but I spent weeks after kicking your ass so you’ve been long forgiven.”

Childe burrows his face into your neck, breathing in your scent and basking in this moment. There was so much to talk about, but you two arguably had more time in the world than ever with nothing holding you back. There was no impending war looming over, no one on the run, no opposing forces. His silent wish for a different life with you seems to have been answered finally. If running into you had been the event to set everything in motion, he only wishes he’d done so earlier.

All that matters now is you’re here together in this plane of existence, given a chance to love again, and experience everything you couldn't before.

As written in the stars, take my soul for it is forever yours.

fin

[emmy-dekarios-bg3]

Heart of the Weave - A Baldurs Gate fanfiction - part 3

Chapter 11 - we need to save Rolan

I woke up the following morning to the sound of Karlach shouting “HELLO?!” outside our front door, which is more than enough to startle the hells out of me. Damn, it’s already morning? I turn to face Gale, who is smiling at me in admiration and gazing at me with his sleepy eyes.

“Are you ready to get this all over with?” he questions, and suddenly a sense of dread flows through my immortal veins. I inhale as I close my eyes, then exhale the tension built up inside me. We need to save Rolan. He needs our help. The thought of him losing his life because of me aches me in a way I can’t describe, and I wish they would’ve found another way to convince me to come.

“Yes. We need to leave. The quicker, the better. We can’t allow anything to happen to Rolan.” Part of me is wondering what would happen if Gortash does end up spotting us somehow, and what he would say to me. I’d at least want some sort of apology or explanation from him, not that I’d forgive the manipulative bastard. I don’t think I could ever forgive him.

“Alright, Jenevelle. Are you ready for your first adventure? Though…I feel very negative about the entire journey,” I mumble as I button up her onesie. “It will be alright. You’re here with momma and daddy, and we won’t let anyone touch you.” I pick her up and hold her close, burping her before placing her in her stroller.

“Tara, don’t cause any trouble around the house please,” Gale alerts her. “There will be consequences.”

“Why Gale, I’d never!” He opens up the front door, letting me out first before shutting it behind him. I inhale the morning air that smells of lemongrass and lavender, which tempts me to bake a pie; I’m guilty of spoiling Gale with my desserts. The soothing sound of the chimes above our door also helps keep me at ease, even just mildly. The refreshing area of Waterdeep makes it easy to forget that I’m about to go on an adventure with a mysterious outcome.

“I tried telling Karlach you guys have a baby, so you’d be taking your time. Unfortunately, she doesn’t quite understand that patience is a virtue,” Wyll teases. “I love her anyway.”

“Well, yeah. True. My husband calling me out like it means nothing, pssssht. Get a load of this guy. Anyway! How’s my favorite baby in the world? Sssh, Don’t tell Shadowheart and Astarion I said that.” She leans in to look at Jenevelle and plays with her tiny hands, causing our baby to smile with pure joy. Despite the horrors, looking at our baby smile does help; as long as she’s happy, I’ll be okay.

“We’re outside and that’s good enough for her. The glistening sun warming her baby skin, the sound of birds singing, the exquisite and various aromas of the forests,” Gale says, smiling down at Jenevelle.

“Ha! Can’t say I blame her,” Halsin responds, his face lighting up. “She has great taste.”

It’s rather early in the morning, so hopefully we can make it to Moonrise without having to camp, though we will need to make a few stops to eat and attend to our daughter’s needs. Off we go, strolling upon the road that will lead us to a fate we aren’t sure of, but hoping we save Rolan in the process. Today I’ll make a choice that will rid my life of the evil that’s been stuck to me like a parasite; at least it’s not a damn illithid tadpole.

I’m so on edge, believing Fanden has his bloodthirsty eyes on us wherever we go. As I imagine him, Gortash, and Ketheric, I feel an unusual tingling sensation within me that I’m not familiar with, almost like an urge or a strange power building up inside my body. Is this the same peculiar feeling Gale had when he released his power at the Bhaal temple?

It’s been so long since I’ve been adventuring, I almost forgot what it even felt like and it’s more strange as a druid. I love nature, but am I really dedicated enough to be a druid? Once this is all over, I may pursue my dreams as a bard and perform at the local circus. Hells, maybe play at a few restaurants around town.

After roughly five miles, we stop to eat and so I may feed Jenevelle, who is starting to become just a little fussy. I sit down on a nearby log to feed her a bottle while our friends get the campfire going for lunch.

“You know, on the bright side, I’ll get to destroy Gortash for the second time. Nothing like kicking someone’s ass and handing them a plate of karma, served by Karlach Cliffgate.” I’m honestly looking forward to her handing it straight with him, but hopefully Ketheric won’t be a huge problem.

As we sit down to eat, I feel yet again another unsettling presence, but can’t seem to locate it anywhere no matter how hard I try to investigate the area around us. Sigh. Karlach and Wyll sit across from me, while Halsin is out somewhere picking some fruits and vegetables to roast on the fire. Gale sits down next to me and gently takes Jenevelle from my arms.

“My love, go ahead and eat. I’ll change the baby and hold her while you do so,” he says ever so sweetly, being his wonderful and considerate self as usual.

“Also, mate, are you doing alright? You’re awfully quiet.” Karlach’s right; I really haven’t said much this entire time, but I was hoping no one would notice. I smile nervously, trying to mask my anxiousness but I don’t think anyone is buying it.

“Of course, I’m just ready for it all to be over.”

“And it will be soon enough. When it’s all done and in the past, we will all enjoy life again. We just have to stay positive and assume Gortash, Ketheric, and Fanden can’t come back from their graves,” Wyll assures me. “Didn’t one of them mention Orin couldn’t come back because she was much weaker after being resurrected? I’m sure that applies to Ketheric and Gortash as well.”

“I’m almost certain Bane and Myrkul won’t give those bastards a third chance. Fanden on the other hand, well, that’s uncertain,” I mutter. Gale sits back down next to me, holding our now happy baby who is fully fed, cleaned, and ready to party. I stare down at my sandwich and sigh, forcing myself to eat. “Also, I keep thinking Fanden has his eyes on us somehow; he is sneaky as hell after all. I could be overthinking it.”

“Now that you mention it, we probably should have some sort of backup plan in case all-else fails,” Halsin mentions, and boy I didn’t think of that. I lack in the intelligence department. He’s right. Should the situation arise that I do come face-to-face with my father, I need to make sure he stays the hell away from Jenevelle.

“Gale, my love –”

“Oh no, you aren’t thinking of confronting him if our plan fails, are you?” Worry stirs in his voice like a spoon with a cup of tea. “He wants your immortality and if he takes you, I’m not sure how far we’ll get. I’m not sure how we can save you. I can fight them, but Jenevelle would be with our mortal friends, and it just… It could end badly. They want either you or her. Or both.”

“Gale, honey, I need you to stay back with Jenevelle. I don’t want to say out loud what my plan is in case we’re being spied on, but…trust me. Please.” His dreary brown eyes are filled with fear, pleading that I don’t do anything rash. As I gaze into those eyes, I feel the intense power again continuously getting stronger, which could be our savior through this dire predicament.

[lavendermin]

would you mind | childe

pairing | childe/reader

word count | 1.9k

genre | developing relationship, light smut, complicated feelings

If ever there was a force greater than the ancient winds of old Mondstadt, it was that harbinger from Snezhnaya. All it took was one afternoon during your shift for him to gain an interest in you—a fascination maybe.

The Fatui weren’t known for a good reputation in Liyue, and it only made you a bit uneasy knowing his high ranking—a cautious approach to a stranger in higher power. You couldn’t deny him and you didn’t dare show disrespect for subtle fear of consequence.

Rumors of people getting blackmailed—or worse— from getting tangled with the Fatui spread like wildfire in the harbor. Though they were baseless accusations, they didn’t stop from simmering in the back of your mind. The ‘what if’ was a damning point your mind made. Rumors didn’t come from nowhere around these parts.

Though Childe carried a sense of danger with him, there was something about him that kept your nerves manageable. The persona he carried was very impressionable, maybe even a little irritating at times. He was a persistent one.

“Mind if I join you for lunch?”

“Sir… I work here.” He knew this, too, yet he always arrived at the tea house with the same line. Still, you were quick to tend to him.

Childe hummed, eyes grinning with him as he happily plopped down at the table you swiftly offered him. “I’ll take that as an opportunity. The usual, please.”

Just treat him like a normal patron, was a personal mantra to get you through a shift at the tea house.

You were just lucky he was well-mannered. It made dealing with him easier. There was something about him that irked you, but at the end of the day he was polite and never forced a conversation if you were busy serving others.

“You don’t seem to talk much these days,” Childe notes as he swirls the remnants of his tea in its cup. It’s nearing closing time and you keep glancing over at the clock as he makes no move to leave. He sighs dramatically, “I miss our conversations.”

It’s playful, knowing full-well you hardly ever speak to avoid trouble from your boss. Maybe you would blame it on the exhaustion of a long shift, maybe put blame on lack of sleep. The comment, however, still makes you break seriousness and you erupt in an abrupt fit of laughter you quickly fight to quiet down. Luckily you’re closing by yourself tonight.

The sound is melodic, surprising Childe as a grin grows on his face. Though your back is turned as your shoulders shake from suppressed laughter, he can see the embarrassed red at the tips of your ears.

Oh, so you did find his company entertaining.

Your back straightens, and when you turn around you’re back to keeping him at a distance with an air of seriousness. Nothing more than work and patrons.

Childe leaves after wishing you a safe trip home and thanks for the wonderful service, as usual. The briskness of the cool night air keeps his mind intrigued once more with the mystery that surrounds you. Duty in Liyue was getting quite boring, and he decided to indulge in figuring you out.

“Would you mind if I joined you for a stroll?”

The familiar ginger hair strode up matching your pace. In the bustling crowd of the harbor, his presence sticks out like the cries of seagulls overhead. Maybe it’s your paranoia, but you swear people make an effort to move away from your little bubble he now infiltrated.

Still, he’s a harbinger.

So you nod quietly.

“I’m just running errands. It’s quite boring.” The way his eyes linger on yours for a second longer has you averting your gaze. The smile he wears… since when did it make your chest squeeze?

“I’m sure not as boring as some of the tasks I’m given,” he chuckles.

“Paperwork, I’m sure,” you guess idly. The vague smile he throws you has something about it that sends chills running down your spine.

“Something like that.”

The chuckle you give him is a little nervous. You aren’t sure what tasks he gets but you aren’t sure you’re willing to find out.

“Feel free to join me if you’d like, then.”

And for the rest of the day he patiently strolls around with you around the harbor through idle chatter. From dock to dock he follows, offering to pay the entire sum of anything on your errands list. The unlimited financial power he holds both terrifies and amazes you.

From then on, his company became frequent on your errand runs. Many shop keepers at first got anxious with a Fatui agent escorting you around, but his bright charisma won them over eventually. Business was business in the end, and his tendency to let the shopkeeper ‘keep the change’ won the favor of many.

You forgot when exactly you stopped trying to shake him off altogether. Perhaps you got too complacent since there was little you could do. Some days you even enjoyed his company. Childe was a good listener on days when you were a little more talkative, and he would always answer with utmost sincerity.

Yes, you looked forward to his little greeting and chance encounters on the harbor. Part of you hated the fact that you got so comfortable with him but the louder part of you was conflicted with bubbling feelings for the harbinger. For months on end you kept those feelings suppressed in the deepest parts of your heart.

And then the storm season hit.

“Mind some company?”

The water dripped down your face, soaked clothes clinging to your form as you stood under a tree near the outskirts of the harbor. Your eyes were wide, doe-like as you peered up at the familiar voice.

“Oh, sure.” Your eyes drift back to stare absentmindedly at the puddles rippling in the rain. “I was just waiting for the rain to let up a bit so I can make it back home.”

Childe hums, his usual charismatic smile bright on his face. It’s a little dangerous, and makes your heart race. Addicting.

“You know, at this rate you’ll get sick by the time you get home. I say we just make a run for it,” he offers with a devilish grin.

The frown you give him only further amuses him. “Run? Through the pouring rain?”

“Got any better ideas?”

You sigh, the sound of pattering rain filling the silence as you weigh your options.

“Fine. Okay.”

He grins, and you surrender to letting the harbinger have his way in the rain. Through the streets you both run, footsteps cutting through puddles and crowds of people with umbrellas. It’s thrilling and you can’t help but laugh at how fun running through the rain is. You both look like lovers that got caught in an unfortunate circumstance, and your chest wells up with feelings as you watch Childe pull you through crowds and street vendors.

The storm is raging outside, rain pattering on windows that rattle softly from the wind. It’s soaked you both to the bone by the time you arrive at your little flat. The room is quiet save for the rain that relentlessly knocks on the windows.

The quiet sound of panting fills the room as you both catch your breath from running through the rain, towels draped over your heads as you try to warm up.

“It’s pretty rough out there,” Childe notes, looking out the window. “Any longer out there and the wind might have picked you up before I did.”

It’s wordless—the way you join him by the window to look out at a grey city. You give a silent hum as you finish towel-drying your hair. The expression you wear is serious, aloof as you’re unreadable in your thoughts.

Childe is the first to speak, his voice soft and sincere—perhaps a little disappointed at your return to keeping him at arm’s length. “I’ll get going then. Glad you could make it home sa—“

It comes as a surprise—the sudden kiss you give him. Your small hands pull him down by his shirt collar to meet your lips in a rushed kiss. He’s quick to return the gesture, his lips curved in a smirk against yours.

You pull away breathless, face a little flushed. The frown you wear is adorable, a pout almost. “I hate that I like you.”

Childe is at your lips again, a breathy chuckle rumbling through his chest as he cages you against the wall. “And here I was thinking I’d never woo you, what with you not liking the Fatui and all.”

You cut him off with another kiss to hide the heat rising to your face. “Stop talking.”

He laughs wholeheartedly, his body against yours as you melt against his lips. It’s needy and rough. The sounds of your soft pants and little gasps are washed away by the rumbling thunder outside.

And through the storm, you spend the night. Childe feels like he’s won—gained one step closer to knowing more about you. He wanted to know all your faces, uncover all the mysteries and unknowns you held. And through the night, he learned of your sensitivities, the little noises you made, and the gestures that made your heart leap.

He had you around his finger. But perhaps the same could be said about him.

Early morning comes, the light barely coming through the window to illuminate the dark room. From under a mess of sheets you stir, body sore. Your fingers graze over the blooming markings on your chest and neck.

Beside you Childe sleeps soundly, his broad back dusted in light freckles and scratch marks. The way he hugs the pillow makes his sleeping face look almost kid-like in innocence. You’d never think he was a war machine for an archon.

You push the sinking feeling away, and brush some hair out of his eyes. The featherlight kiss you place atop his head stirs him from his sleep.

“Mornin’. Here I thought you would be gone by now,” he mumbles groggily. With his tousled hair and sleepy smile, you find it incredibly difficult to feel annoyed.

“I live here.”

He chuckles at this, grabbing you by the waist and pulling you against him. You scramble to pull the blanket over your bare body and though he finds it amusing, he doesn’t comment on your shyness. “Would you mind if I stayed the morning, then? The rain isn’t letting up anytime soon.”

“That sounds like an awfully obvious lie,” you retort.

It’s hard to ignore the hardness that presses against your abdomen. The lack of shame on his content face irks you. Still, you don’t deny the way your body heats up once more.

“Your face is just so cute when you’re begging,” Childe teases, pressing kisses up your neck.

“Childe, sto—haah.”

In a swift motion, he has you straddling him. You can feel his hardness press against your ass, sending a shudder of anticipation through your body. The ache in your thighs tries to protest against the lust-driven haze clouding your judgement.

Childe’s hands are already massaging the soft flesh at your hips, hands waiting for permission. “What do you say, sweetheart? Another round if you can keep up?”

“Y–You have duties to tend to, don’t you?” you bring up meekly, eyes shut tight as he bites a sweet spot on your neck that hitches your breath. Slowly, your mind is losing itself, drunk on his attention again.

With a smirk against your skin, he answers simply, “They won’t mind my whereabouts in this weather.”