#if there are people shifting with ill intent there is nothing you can do to stop them

[calcifiedunderland]

Part I (here), Part II, Part III (COMPLETED)

Trey Clover vs. Azul Ashengrotto vs. Jamil Viper x GN! Reader

In which the way to the Prefect’s heart is through their stomach! At least, according to three of NRC’s students…

I got the idea from @recreyomakesdoodles , from this post! Thank you so much, hope you liked it!!💕

Tagging people I think would be interested: @aruis4nosleep , @tinseltina

Warnings: food/eating

Notes: I decided to split this into multiple parts because I never have any restraint while writing and this ended up being long. Enjoy :D

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“Well, I didn’t expect to see you here.”

Azul pushed his glasses up, balancing a stack of takeout boxes emblazoned with the Mostro Lounge logo on them. Cold blue eyes met Trey’s golden irises. Trey cleared his throat, shifting a heavy picnic basket from one hand to the other. “What brings you here, Azul? I thought you’d be busy at Mostro Lounge…”

Azul snorted, “the Prefect knows to expect me today. Clearly, you are the one intruding.” Earlier that week, he overheard you wailing to your friends about your upcoming History of Magic exam. Apparently, this unit was on Atlantica’s magical history - a topic that was, unfortunately, giving you trouble.

Fortunately, Azul was a mer who grew up learning the history by heart. Naturally he offered you assistance in exchange for having you taste-test some dishes. And how could he not help a poor, unfortunate fellow student like yourself?

Besides, if he wanted to bring along some personally cooked meals to Ramshackle, under the claim that you both would be there ‘for hours, so you may as well try some foods (that I made!) for the upcoming Lounge menu (that I run)!’, that was nobody’s business. And certainly not Clover’s business.

Trey crossed his arms, easily holding the heavy picnic basket like it weighed nothing. Azul could smell the buttery pastries and powdered sugar through the closed basket lid where he stood. “Riddle sent me to give the Prefect an invitation to the next Unbirthday Party. I thought I’d give them some treats to… sweeten the deal.” Though Trey had a disarmingly pleasant smile with the pun, his eyes bored into Azul’s.

Azul frowned. “That couldn’t have been more than a simple text. Aren’t they friends with your first years, as well?” He asked, remembering your first year friends that he’d turned into anemones.

Trey adjusted his glasses and averted his gaze, a telltale deflection sign that Azul didn’t miss. “Well, it’s more official coming from the Vice Housewarden.” “And I suppose the baked goods are complimentary?” Azul sniffed disdainfully at the basket, “Surely, the prefect needs more than pastries. A proper meal,” he emphasized.

Trey’s eyes narrowed, “a basket of baked goods is better than whatever deal you’d have for them,” he nodded to the boxes Azul carried. “Everyone loves a good old fashioned pastry. Can’t say the same for seafood.” Azul opened his mouth to retort, when suddenly both of their ringtones went off.

IM SO SORRY AZUL!!!!! I got caught up with something, can I come over tomorrow?? I likely won’t be done until later, the headmage has me doing stuff 😭

TREY!!! Tysm for the invite, you didn’t have to go out of ur way to give it in person!! ill definitely be there at the party! 😄 sry I’m not there atm, Crowley wanted me to do something for him

Trey frowned, reading your text. Azul huffed, shouldering the stack of food boxes, muttering “looks like today was a loss.” Trey sighed, “well, it can’t be helped…” he made a mental note to put the pastries in the Heartslabyul fridge and just deliver it to you tomorrow, under the guise of ‘checking up on you’ after working for Crowley. The two of them trudged down the path to the Hall of Mirrors, heading back to their dorms.

The two of them walked in silence until Trey abruptly said, “I don’t know what you want with the Prefect, but I hope you have their best intentions at heart.” Azul turned to give Trey a withering look, “I assure you, when it comes to the Prefect, I have nothing but good intentions.” As he stepped into Octavinelle, Azul smirked and muttered, “especially regarding their heart.” Trey lingered for a bit, staring at the Octavinelle mirror with an unreadable expression. “We’ll see about that,” he said aloud in the empty Hall, then headed back to Heartslabyul.

—•—♣️🐙🐍—•—

Meanwhile, you sighed heavily, collapsing onto the chair. The cafeteria was pretty much empty, save for the random student or two. It was already darkening outside, and you were hungry. Crowley wanted you to do something for him just before lunch, and soon half your Saturday was gone running around NRC. You’d even lost track of time, and missed Azul’s study session and Trey dropping in! You groaned, hearing your stomach growl loudly.

“Prefect? What are you doing here?”

You glanced up, seeing Jamil with a large container of tupperware and other small containers. The delicious scent of curries, labneh yogurt cheese, and freshly made pita made your mouth water. Despite yourself, Jamil caught you looking at the boxed-up food more than once.

“…Crowley had me running errands, and I may have skipped lunch…” your voice grew quiet near the end. Jamil raised an eyebrow, then smiled. “I actually ended up making too much food for Kalim,” he said, moving around the table to sit next to you. “There’s enough for an extra person, and I’ve have already eaten.”

Your eyes widened, and Jamil started dishing out some curry and flatbread for you. Bright-colored curry sauce and chickpeas flooded the platter, wafting a delicious scent. As Jamil ripped a piece of pita, your stomach growl loudly. Your face felt warm. Jamil only chuckled, pushing the plate he’d conjured towards you. “What about Kalim?” You asked, feeling bad. Jamil smiled, “Please, go ahead. There’s enough for Kalim and you.” A warm smile grew on your face, and you gave Jamil a one-sided hug before digging in. “Thank you! You’re my savior!”

As he watched you eat, a tender look grew on Jamil’s face. He shifted the food containers so he could watch you while nibbling on some flatbread. It wasn’t difficult to determine that you were off on Crowley’s whims again - with you running around the school and being gone for several hours. With that in mind, it wouldn’t be anyone’s fault if he accidentally made too much food, so he thought he’d drop it off at Ramshackle later. It was sheer luck that you’d dropped by the cafeteria!

You hummed, soaking up some of the leftover curry sauce with your flatbread, “this was delicious, Jamil. Thank you so much.”

Jamil smiled genuinely, but a devious look came into his eyes when you looked back at your plate. “Please, Prefect, allow me. Wait here.” He took the plate, going to the kitchens to box up some food for you to take back. Walking back to you, he handed you the container, “It’s getting late, I can walk you back to Ramshackle.”

The two of you set off, with you holding some of Jamil’s boxes. “This was… really sweet of you, Jamil,” you smiled. You knew Jamil always had his hands full, whether it was taking care of Kalim or managing literally everything else. Maybe the food was making you gush, but you were definitely grateful for the impromptu meal. As you opened the door to Ramshackle, you gingerly handed the boxes back to him.

“Ah, wait,” he shuffled them and held a large one out to you. “This one is yours.” Your eyes widened, “Jamil, this is a lot-“ “Please.” Your eyes met his dark grey irises, and warm gratitude filled your chest. “Jamil, I… I really don’t know what to say. I have to repay you somehow-“ Now that was what he wanted to hear.

“You know, I’ve been meaning to try making some new dishes,” he glanced at you. “I’ve been needing someone to taste test them, and Kalim won’t be available…” You nodded eagerly, “Of course! I’d love to help you!” You said your goodbyes, and as the door shut behind you, Jamil had a calculating smirk on his face. Oh yeah, it’s all coming together.

————————————————————♣️🐙🐍

Thanks for being patient everyone!! Hope you enjoyed this part, reblogs and comments are forever appreciated 💕

lmk if anyone wants to be added to the taglist! Take care shrimpies~ 😘

[klxudykai]

there is nothing wrong with permashifting/respawing

slight tw for suic!d3 mentioned

now i’m kinda stating the obvious with this one but i don’t think ive ever actually explained my thoughts and opinions on it before.

first off, permashifting and respawning are not the same. so wtf is the difference??? well permashifting is shifting to a different reality and making that your cr (current reality) BUT you still have connections to your or (original reality). while respawning is again, shifting to different reality and making that your cr but you have zero connections to your or. so they’re kinda the same but they’re different as well.

some people share pretty strong opinions on them both saying shit like “it’s unhealthy you can’t escape your cr blah blah blah” well im gonna tell you right now that that’s absolute bullshit. you can see shifting as an escape from your cr there isn’t anything wrong with that. it becomes an issue and unhealthy when you see shifting as something that’s above you. as long as you don’t think that, then there isn’t an issue.

the people saying that bs shouldn’t even be worried about you in the first place cause it’s YOUR journey, not theirs. if it was unhealthy then that’s your own fault so it shouldn’t concern them at all. istg shifters are some of the NOSIEST mfs i know. especially the mfs that consider themselves the “shifting police” like bffr why tf are we limiting realities??????? there’s literally an INFINITE amount of them. there is no such thing as “realistic” because everything is realistic. that’s a whole different topic for another time so i won’t get too much into it now (i’ll make another post on it one day)

now one thing that people (ESPECIALLY shifttok/new shifters) think has to happen in order to respawn is that you have to kill off your or self (original reality self). ABSOLUTELY NOT. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO KILL OFF YOUR OR SELF IN ORDER TO RESPAWN. i don’t know where the hell people got that idea from but it’s totally false cause respawning just means making a new reality your cr and forgetting about your or. don’t do it, it’s unnecessary just set the intention to not shift back to your or it’s literally as simple as that.

i don’t think i have anything else to add but if i do come up with smth ill ofc add it to the post. anyways that’s my take on permashifting and respawning 🤷🏾‍♀️

[herballwitch]

Spirit Work Basics

Hello, My name is Alva Tauri! I am an herbalist, spirit worker, tarot and oracle reader, and lunar and herbal witch dedicated to closing the education gap when it comes to herbalism and witch practices!

Today I thought I would get online and compile my own personal journal entries and rituals about spirit work here for anyone interested in getting into spirit work, soest how you can begin to understand the basics behind working with spirits.

Below you will find everything you need to begin your journey...

with that being said, let's begin~

꩜ "How do I start speaking with spirits?"

The answer to this is simple: meditation and intention.

Meditation is the perfect way to open up to the spirits and say to them, "I am interested in talking to you." It also is a fantastic way to get in touch with yourself and your own energy, which can be extremely helpful when it comes to spirit work,as it can help you gauge when something has changed or shifted in energy around you.

How do you feel your own energy? This can be done in many different ways. For example, you can listen to your own heartbeat, you can listen to the calming sounds around you (water, nature, birds, etc.), or you can do visualization practices (you can find some examples in my post here).

Once you've connected with your energy, try visualizing a door opening and imagine your hand reaching out through the doorway. This is to signify to the spirit around you that you are willing to speak with them.

NOTE: You may not get a response. This does not mean you are failing or doing anything wrong. Keep trying. Sometimes spirits are simply unwilling to speak at the moment, just like we often times need a break away from people. Do not take it personally and remember to remain respectful of them in these moments.

Struggling with meditation? This is a common problem for anyone who is new to the practice, especially those of us who live with mental or physical illness. Remember this: A) meditation takes practice and practice shows dedication to the craft. having to try multiple times before grasping a concept does not mean you have failed, it means you care. B) the literal definition of meditation is "to engage in mental exercise (such as concentration on one's breathing or repetition of a mantra) for the purpose of reaching a heightened level of spiritual awareness." No where in that definition does it say you have to be sitting, with your legs cross, and your hands on your knees. You can mediate in a chair, on the couch...hell you can even meditate laying down in your bed.

Before you give up on meditation remember why you are doing it and ask yourself "have I tried every method or position that I can?" you can meditate. anyone can. I believe in you and so do the spirits!

꩜ "How do I know if spirits are attempting to communicate with me?"

Some signs are common and will make it relatively easy to tell, while others may be a bit harder to decern. Here are some of the more common signs you may hear people discuss when it comes to spirit work:

hearing voices or echoes (possibly thinking you heard someone say your name when no one is around)

hearing random knocks and bangs that seemingly came from nothing

random works or phrases popping up in your head (especially common when doing some sort of divination work with spirits)

having strange dreams or strange visions while meditating

phantom touches

experiencing the feeling of being watched

These answer may seem a bit vague and, if you think so, that is because they are, unfortunately, vague. This is where the real challenge of spirit work comes in. Your ability to decern whether or not something was a spirit or simply your house settling or you having a rough day that causes rough dreams is paramount in being a good spirit worker and is a skill that comes with time.

Having trouble learning how to decern between the two worlds? Keep practicing meditation, keep doing visualization practices, get to know your own spiritual energy, and be honest with yourself. Once you understand yourself and your environment it will be easy to decipher, but you have to give yourself time, patience, and honesty. This will help you in your journey.

꩜ "Should I use any tools? If so, what should I use?"

While ensuring your energy is in a good place and making attempts to reach out to the spirits via meditation is important, you do not have to use energies exclusively. A great way to help you better connect to spirits in spirit work is the use of tools.

Naturally, the tools I list below are not the only ones to exist. There are hundreds of great spirit work tools out there. However, I am only going to discuss the ones I have used and have experience with today. If you don't see anything below that catches your eye, feel free to do your own research to learn more about spirit works tools!

Let's talk about the tools I use:

Tarot Cards: 78 cards with different meanings you can use to ask the spirits questions and connect with them

Pendulum: a crystal tied to a sting or chain you use by swinging over a board with a variety of different text options, so that when you speak to the spirits they can swing the pendulum in the direction of the word they'd like to say.

Cartomancy: a regular deck of playing cards used to talk to the spirits

In addition to these methods that I use, you may also want to look into:

Ouija Boards

Crystal Balls

Mirror/Water Scrying

Remember, what tools work for me or your friend or someone you know online may not work for you. Find what speaks to you and test it out and, if you don't like it, it's okay to move on a try something else. You need to feel connected to your form of divination for the spirits to feel connected to you.

Remember, it's also okay to get creative, too. I have heard some people say they do divination practices with food or different elements of nature, or runes, or even music (which I usually have on while i'm working). Reach out to what calls to you, whatever that may be.

꩜ "How do I talk to the spirits once they've connected with me?"

That's easy. Just talk to them.

You can do this in a multitude of different ways. You can write letters and burn them, you can sing, you can pray, or you can just talk outloud.

Remember, different places may call for different etiquette. For example, if you are at a graveyard visiting a love one and are attempting to connect with them, you may not want to communicate in any way that is going to be loud or is going to cause harm to the grave or the grave site (take a look at my post about graveyard etiquette here for more information on that). Simply be aware of your surroundings and use common sense. Remember, if you have to question whether or not something is appropriate to do then it probably isn't.

꩜ THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND

Ward Yourself and/or Use Protection Magic Beforehand: it would be nice to believe that all spirits are friendly and have good intentions. however, that is not always the case. be safe and take care of yourself. you may even consider bringing a knife.

Practice Patience and Respect: as I said, not even spirit is friendly and not every spirit is open to speaking. be patient and wait for them and if you do not get the response you want, don't be disrespectful unless you feel that a spirit is threatening you.

You Aren't Weak For Using Tools: don't let anyone tell you that the use of tools means you are weak in your craft. this is not something I have personally experienced, but I have heard some witches, spirit workers, and pagans say that they have experienced this from others in the community. if you do experience this, ignore it. tools are meant to help strengthen your connection. they are not a sign of weakness.

You Do Not Have to Communicate Alone: if you are nervous or feeling uncomfortable, feel free to bring a friend or family member in to help you out and comfort you! and, if you don't have someone IRL to help you, remember there is a wonderful community here on tumblr that would love to help you in your journey!

That's all for spirit work basics! I hope that you found this helpful in your spiritual journey and I hope that you are able to apply this information to your practice.

if you have any questions regarding anything discussed here or if you'd like to make a request to be added to the list, please send an ask to my ask box! I appreciate all comments and questions!

For more information on my practice, witchcraft, herbalism, spirit work, and divination please check out the guide on my page (linked here)! Everything I have ever posted can be found there!

I wish you all a blessed day filled with peace, endless wealth, and eternal health! Until the next time we meet!

[anemoiashifts]

how tiktok failed the shifting community

& how shiftok keeps you stuck idk what to call this. 🫶🏻

to make this clear, i do not hate tiktok. i dont hate people on tiktok who want to shift. i dont have a problem with people on tiktok talking about shifting.

this post is not about anyone specific. ive sold a shifting journal on amazon. which may seem hypocritical though ive never made a promise that it will make you shift & its not supposed to.

!! this post isn’t an excuse to push all the communities problems on shiftok. much like the animal crossing community pre-new horizons, as communities grow bigger, its expected to bring some toxicity with it. problems exist in all corners of the internet & in certain groups.

however, there is a specific issue within the shifting community that involves tiktok & that is the integration of money & profit being made off of people’s desperation.

shifting was / can be presented as this alternative “safe place” & escape for people with serious mental illness that consist of not wanting to be living this life anymore. & that’s fine on its own. everything we do is a form of escapism like readings or watching tv. as long as it’s healthy, it’s harmless. ive touched on permashifting & sv!c!d4l ideation before but id like to piggyback off of that point.

to clarify for everyone new: i am not against perma-shifting. i am against some of the langue that is used around it. you don’t need to k!ll yourself to shift. this is what im speaking about.

when you have an audience that is deteriorating & only going through the motions of life, when your only desire is to get out of the situation you are in, is it extremely easy to profit off of vulnerable people. this fact paired with tiktok — where you get paid & your income is dependent on engagement — it becomes overwhelmingly clear why pushing out content that keeps their audience within arms reach of actually shifting. it’s more profitable if you have an audience of people who can’t shift & want to as opposed to an audience of people who can shift & don’t need validation from exterior sources. it becomes easy to ignore people’s struggles if that’s what you’re making money off of. there is a lack of a healthy viewpoint & balance within some parts of the community.

calling back to 2020 when shiftok was in its infancy, there was a lot of “pov” & storytime style content. there is nothing wrong with wanting to share your experiences but making “entertainment” is arguably much, much easier & profitable. keeping that in mind, why i believe the practice of shifting is so seemingly popular amongst a younger demographic is because it brings fandom spaces together. it’s one thing to watch a show & obsess over fictional characters & read fan fiction but to live alongside your favorite character & be equal with those you idolize, it can sound very appealing. keeping shifting as entertainment style content, it makes it no different then fanfiction & oc’s. again !! i have no problem with people speaking about their experiences / wants for when they shift but the issue is when people only focus on that & it becomes a numbers game.

i hold no issue with people selling their labor in any community but when you sell something with the promise to “make you shift” is when it becomes problematic. when you sell false promises & empty hope, you are also banking that your audience is desperate enough to cling to anything that reminds them of what they want. it speaks to how the creator views their audience to an extent & id argue is aware of the dozens of (mostly) children expressing their negative worldview that displays an unhealthy mentality.

this is why i don’t do general readings as frequently & personal readings at all anymore. quite honestly, it’s easy engagement. while not my intention, people often change their perspective & “make” things fit their situation. i hate hate hate to say this but in desperation, you can make a sign out of anything. this is not me trying to take away the feeling of internal knowing. to give this thought weight, i remember a while ago i posted a reading that was & has been channeled from a person in my desired reality. the comments were flooded by “i know who this is from” & “this is from this person in my dr”. i clarified in the video — the very first slide — that this was from a specific person & everyone completely ignored that fact to fit their beliefs. if you find meaning in something that’s great but when something is explicitly stated as one thing don’t manipulate it to fit yourself if it’s not truly meant for you. not every reading is supposed to resonate. by forcing it to it removes the intimate aspects of what is truly just for you. if everything has meaning, nothing has meaning.

circling back to my idea before, readings & “this message was meant for you content” does open the floodgates to tell their audience what they want to hear for the sake of growth, profit, engagement. yes, there are some readings that don’t pander to a specific group of views but those “stop scrolling this was meant for you, he’s thinking about you, if you see this letter or number it’s a sign & you should be expecting a phone call or someone to reach out to you soon” readings that come up on your fyp are eight times out of ten for engagement purposes & to tell you what you want to hear by using generic langue to make profit. no, not all readings are set up this way and not everyone thinks like this. there are plenty of people who don’t do it for money or attention. even if people did it for money, some people hold issue with that while others don’t. the like it or not, just make sure you’re doing it in a way that’s not making peoples mental situation worse & giving others false hope.

while not reading based, this sounds familiar when we acknowledge “shifting symptoms”. early on, people seemed to take them as being close to shifting & literally feeling the process of you becoming apart of your desired reality. now we know, all those tingles & twitched are only your body checking to see if you’re asleep. the name becomes very mis-leading when you take into that content.

the tldr of this post was when you intertwine spirituality & profit in spaces where people are desperate for something that feels larger then them, people’s actions can put bad tastes in people’s mouths. looking at tiktok, views = money. when numbers are given to people who have shifted & deemed influencers (because that’s how tiktok was pretty much designed) it becomes easy to see why some idolize to be like these people’s — “they shifted & i didn’t, they seem to have everything figured out, they must be better at it then i am, they must be special & not like the rest of us.” it creates a cycle of self doubt, unfortunately, while keeping you in the same “i can’t shift” mindset while these same people are selling a piece of them that you seemingly “lack”.

[shifterglitter]

All Aboard Hippocampus, The Shifting Chariot

EDIT: We have a discord link now. (https://discord.gg/mtZh8FFV)

I want this to be a community Cruise WR/DR where we will get to experience all of the ports this world and the next has to offer. You are all invited to read the information below the cut, and I hope to see you on the seas.

(This will be my first time group shifting and as I understand it, not everyone believes this is possible. If that is true for you, I welcome you to view this invitation as a message from your own subconscious to seek out this vacation with the rest of our “clones”. Or, whatever makes sense to you. Or maybe Group Shifts are not your thing and you want a little more control? Totally fine. Please feel free to take this idea and make it your own. Safe travels.)

SO you are interested! Grand! That makes me very happy. I want you to imagine The Hippocampus as something akin to a magical version of “The Icon of the Seas”. Your Captain for this journey will be none other than Barbie, and she is ecstatic to see you brought safely to each port. 

There are a few Reality Laws I want to touch on before getting into describing what this adventure will be like for us. 

Everyone with residence on the ship will be immortal during the duration of their stay. 

Any vices that may harm you in this world will not carry over to your new reality. 

There will be no disease, viruses, bacteria, fungal, parasitic, infections or other physical ailment that can harm you in this world either. 

You will not feel pain or receive injuries. 

You will not suffer any chronic illnesses or allergies that you may have in other realities. 

Should you be neurodivergent or mentally/physically disabled you may choose whether or not you wish to discard those things at the door.

Your Invitation allows you a +1, however, beyond that extension no one else will be granted access to the ship.

To ensure the safety of all passengers, any people aboard that have violent tendencies will magically have those urges eradicated from them. Even though you can’t be harmed, no one wants to deal with fighting drama.

You will never get tired or need to sleep if you don’t want to.

If you don’t want to eat or drink, that won’t affect your health either. If you don’t do either of these your body will stop needing to use the toilet though. 

If you don’t want to experience a period on this trip you won’t, and you can’t get pregnant for any reason.  

You won’t need to shower to maintain your very fine scent, but you may want to for other reasons.

The weather will always be ideal for sailing. 

The Ship itself is indestructible, will always stay perfectly afloat, and all rooms are soundproof.

There is no money to worry about in this reality. You can’t gamble away your life savings, and everything costs nothing. Want a pastry from a mom and pop shop at port? Scan your roomkey, and that will act as payment. 

Lastly, I highly recommend setting the intention to having no time ratios. If you want to skip a few ports before coming back, you can set that up with your intentions or at the Ports & Excursions desk. 

A few things to keep in mind:

No you do not have to shift at exactly 6pm on Aug 30th. Regardless of when or how you shift, if you intend to make it for the Cast Off Pool Party you will make it there. You can also arrive as early or as late as you wish if you prefer a different experience. 

Upon shifting you will notice a “smart watch” attached to your person. This is your room key, communication device, and will help you keep track of all the things you want to do both on and off the ship. If watches aren’t your thing you can opt for a smart pendant. These items will be entirely water submersible and indestructible. If you lose it at any time head to the Help/CS desk located in the main atrium near the Port and Excursions desk.

Your ship is run by people from the Barbie Universe. Even though they are all happy to be serving you, please treat them with kindness and respect. 

You are welcome to change out your +1 as often as you like via your intentions or by visiting the CS desk. (Helpful for people who don't know if they are a good fit for certain s/os and just want a trial run.)

This cruise is set up to continue indefinitely, so permashifters are more than welcome to make this their home base.

What you can expect upon shifting to our Cast Off Pool Party?

Well first of all this reality won’t look exactly like ours. I figured a few people may bring animated beings along as their +1s so I wanted to pick a look somewhere in the middle that won’t be too jarring. I am sure you are aware that Video Game Graphics can be nearly as realistic as our world if not a little more saturated and slightly less textured. That’s what I’m going for. 

If you want to attend the Pool Party as intended I highly suggest setting your intention to shift directly to your Cabin the day of, or if you prefer awake methods, the loading pier so you get to experience walking on to the ship and directly into the Main Atrium. Which has a huge aquarium full of aquatic pokemon.  (Milotic, Vaporeon, Primarina, Horsea, Magikarp, Goldeen, Shellder, Krabby, Remoraid, Luvdisc, and Finneon.)

I guess if you wanted to you could shift directly into the party itself, but keep in mind that it will be loud and you might get bumped.

Your Accommodations:

Everyone gets their own Balcony Cabin. If you are bringing a +1 they will be staying in your room with you. It will have a spacious bathroom, a king bed that can convert into 2 twin beds, a seating area both inside and out, a desk with a touchscreen computer, a limitless TV, a Magic Mirror, and unlimited room service. (Room and bed size can adjust to fit size and preferences.) Your room's decor is guaranteed to fit your taste and once you arrive you can decorate the outside of your Door, as many cruisers do, if you wish.  The walls are still metal though, so keep in mind that if you are going to hang anything up, you will need magnates. Now, let's talk about your Mirror! It’s in your walk-in closet. It’s going to stand 7ft tall starting from the floor. Upon first looking into it a virtual Barbie or Ken helper will guide you in a user tutorial. (This Virtual Helper can also appear on your TV or Computer with a click of a button to answer any question of yours at any time.) You can “purchase” anything you like from the mirror, favorite upcoming events on the ship, view outfits on yourself, and even alter your appearance and abilities. There is a handle on it which you can use to open and retrieve things from inside. It can change size and shape temporarily to accommodate your needs, and should you need help with any of your purchases you can call room service and ask them to send someone to assist you. 

Food

The Buffet is open 7am to 10:30am for breakfast, 11:30 to 2pm for lunch, and 4pm to 9pm for dinner. This is where you can find port themed food as well. 

2 made to order take away counters at every pool open from 10am to 3am. They are all different and well marked on your roomkey smart maps. (Burgers, Pizza, Fried Chicken, Sushi, Kabob House, Street Tacos, ect…)

A Bar at each poolside for all ages open 24/7

7 elevated dining Specialty restaurants open for 3 scheduled dinner services: 6pm, 8pm, and 10pm (These areas are use for Events and Classes during the day)

If you have brought someone with you that has extreme dietary preferences, you can call room service to have those things ethically provided. (Just like you, they won't need to eat if they don't want to)

Ports

We will always arrive at each port at the perfect time of year to visit them.

Wanna visit a port in a reality you are considering making a DR for, but aren't ready to commit to? Leave the details with the stsff at the help desk and it will be added into the rotation. We will send a message of confirmation to your roomkey ASAP and will remind you the week prior to docking their so you can book the excursions (or custom scenarios) you want.

Port Days: Tuesday (earth), Thursday (earth), & Saturday/Sunday (another world)

Sea Days: Monday, Wednesday, Friday

Excursions

Just like in this reality, each port will have an aray of pre planned outings if you don’t want to explore on your own. You can schedule as many as you like, and the hours of the day will fit your desires.

Miss Frizzle will be taking a select few onto her bus each week for an extra special seaday excursion. Make sure to see this desk to schedule your turn.

Custom ports & excursions

Want to visit your own DRs on port days, take an extended vacation at a particular port, or go road tripping to the grand canyon without missing the boat as it embarks on its next journey? Head to the CPE Desk in the Main Atrium. We can and will bend the “laws” of time and space for you.

24/7 Activities and Places

Movie Theatre 

**Sailor Camp: A safe space for minors to relax; daily activities (volentairy) lead by Counselor Skipper. Complete with separate spa, mocktail bar, arcade, internet cafe, matted rumpus room, dance hall, and gymnasium. 

Planetarium

Roller Rink

Trampoline Park

Zip Line and Agility course 

Escape room

Interactive art museum (like MeowWolf)

Fitness Gym

Elevated running lap track around the whole ship

Basketball court

Badminton and pickleball courts

6 pools 6 hot tubs 3 solo waterslides and 2 raft waterslides 

Arcade and card tables

Spa: with cold room and sauna (other amenities will need appointments)

Dojo

Slack line

Botanical garden 

Library

Blacklight minigolf

Indoor and outdoor lounges

Tattoo/Piercing parlor

Barber shop

Solan (hair, skin, & nails)

Scheduled Events

Music can be heard all around the ship from 9am to 10pm, but a live DJ or concert of some kind will be playing each night on either the main pool deck or in the dance club until 2am.

Each night there will be 2 showings of a different live show. This show will run for a week before changing. It is not limited to plays or comedy acts as the stage floor can open up to an aquatic or trampoline base. 

Guest speakers can be seen a few times a week. 

Board games, trivia, and gameshow-like events are held every day from noon to 5pm. Look out for a schedule as there will be ttrpg campaigns you can sign up for twice a week. 

If you like craft, dance, or cooking Classes you’ll also want to ask your virtual helper to help you schedule those. 

Adults Only

1 of the 6 pools that has an in water bar

Specialty mixologist and hookah bar off the main atrium; with other age appropriate substances.

Dance Club open until 3am.

The suggestion box is always open at the help desk. Any concerns, ideas, or questions you have right now are welcome in this post's comments. 

[thefallennightmare]

Hi everyone.

First off I want to say in no way was it my intention to come off disrespectful towards Keaton or anything. Because that’s not who I am. Everyone made this assumption off of something I posted, which is a memory. It was never meant to be ill intent or malicious.

I’ve been writing Keaton in JP for months now. Never once was it meant to be disrespectful. The relationship is a huge part. If it’s something that’s not your cup of tea, I understand that. You don’t have to read it. That’s why you can filter things out or simply block me.

I’m not trying to bring more issues or drama to my page because quite frankly it’s fucking exhausting. Constant hate for when I did absolutely nothing but talk about a memory. You guys don’t realize how mentally exhausting it is to constantly have to defend what I do on here. The last few months since the shift has already been mentally taxing.

I apologize if I offended anyone because it was never my intention. If you guys were offended, you know you could have came to me privately to discuss. I would have been open to hear your side on it. But the last two days have just been extremely taxing on me and I’m ready to just say fuck it.

I’m not going to though. Because so many people are counting on this story. I’ve changed things around but again, if it’s not something you don’t want to read, I completely understand. I’m not going to hold that against you.

Again, I apologize. It was never my intention to offended anyone.

🪽🪽🪽

[krmzyn]

Not shifting? STOP PROCRASTINATING!!

Before I start yapping, I want yous to read this post because its quite possibly the realest thing to happen to shiftblr in forever. Ill wait 😚

Read it? Good, now i can start 😇 (remember take this w a grain of salt, this was my experience, maybe not yours.)

If you’re not shifting, it’s probably because you’re a serial procrastinator (like me).

I don’t think ppl realise that we affirm in our day to day life. ‘I’m gonna go to the gym today’ - affirming. ‘I’m gonna eat healthy today’ - affirming. You literally affirm on a daily basis.

So, when you don’t commit to those affirmations, you’re basically telling your subconscious that you’re a liar. Telling it that when you affirm, nothing happens.

Now, this isn’t me saying ‘oohh you should never try to better yourself!!’ bc no thats bs 😭 I’m telling you to set reasonable goals!!

For example, if you’ve literally never exercised a day in your life, you’re probably not gonna start going to the gym everyday without fail, are you?

But, you might start going to the gym once a week, maybe twice. That’s reasonable.

Telling yourself ‘I’m going to the gym everyday this week!’ is basically telling yourself that your affirmations don’t work. But, telling yourself ‘I’ll go to the gym once this week’ is showing you that your affirmations work! And if you end up going twice, three times, maybe literally all week? Then they’re just massively effective.

The change starts with you!!! Listening to me rant is great, but nothing’s going to change if you don’t try. Why do you think most people who shift are so disciplined? Why they have schedules and hobbies and are overall happier? Because they’ve showed themself that their affirmations work!!

I always see people saying ‘ohh, my affirmations don’t work!’ because you’ve taught yourself that they don’t!! No-one’s peeked into your head at night and magically changed reality so that you somehow can’t manifest/shift. Even if it’s not intentional, you’ve done that!! No-one’s gonna fix it for you, you have to do it yourself.

So, start simple!! Don’t tell yourself ‘I’m going to eat completely healthy this week’, say ‘I’m going to have a healthier meal today’.

Remember, it’s all about mindset! If you show yourself that you changing the 4d (imagination/mindset) has no effect on the 3d (what you experience), then it won’t.

You need to reinforce that changing the 4d (‘i’m going to go to the gym once this week’), affects the 3d (actually going to the gym).

Then, I think you’ll find shifting just a little easier 🙄😇

Anyways, thanks for listening to me rant 😚 Make sure to look after yourself and PLEASE check out the linked post, if you haven’t already (it’s also my last repost, if somehow the link doesn’t work. No excuses babs 😇)

[howdoesagrapewrites]

If your still taking request, it’s it okay if you can do yandere poly pavitr and gayatri x reader who used to get bullied alot(if you want to add it) and doesn’t mind their yandere tendencies nor doesn’t question it since this is the first time someone loved them cause they were always asked out as a joke and on a date, to the point that they thought no one would ever loved them(+if when yan pavitr and yan gayatri asked reader out, reader thought it was a joke and also thought they hated them cause when reader accidentally catch yan pavitr and yan gayatri staring at them, reader thought they were judging them so they were very nervous cause they thought they were gonna go through the bad treatment again)

𝙁𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙛𝙖𝙧 𝙚𝙭𝙘𝙚𝙚𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙢𝙤𝙣 𝙨𝙚𝙣𝙨𝙚

Cw: poly!reader x lovesick!Pavitr Prabhakar x lovesick!Gayatri Singh, toxicity, normalization of abusive behaviors, socially outcasted reader, angst, Pav and Gayatri are not that bad before they start dating but reader is an unreliable narrator

You shift uncomfortably in your seat, once again, hoping the class would be over soon. You don't particularly dislike the subject, they're just very nervous by the staring. You transferred from your previous highschool due to the bullying two months ago, and despite your best efforts to avoid attracting any attention, you failed.

For the most part, people ignore you, no one's mean to you, and that's enough, but you shut down any attempt at socialization when you first arrived, dismissed all the cheery individuals who came to you in hopes of getting to know the new student, they complimented your hair, and the way the uniform looked on you, but you simply thanked them politely and left quickly, the memories of the fake smiles and cruel laughs were still fresh in your mind, thinking all those words were nothing but mockery.

Looking back, some of them seemed sincere, you regret not giving them a chance, maybe you wouldn't be spending the next recess alone if you did. You cut that line of thought, the irreparable truth dawn upon you, no matter how many chances you give, how many times you trust people, you don't seem to be important enough to anyone, always left behind or ridiculed, it seems to be a fact, a condition, something about yourself, that won't disappear, no matter where you are. So you know the staring is ill intentioned.

You wonder how it must feel to thrive in the spotlight, to feel "like a million dollars" when people state at you, knowing they watch in awe, admiration, something that clearly isn't your case. Why would these two people be staring at you for any other purpose than to make fun of you? They're popular, and beautiful, they have everyone fooled thinking they're nice, but you know better, you've seen this scenario play out many times, the guy is probably a jerk, no matter how nice he looks, and the girl probably makes so many empty compliments to people she doesn't care about. You know, you've seen what people like these are capable of, and you fear what they may have in store for you.

When the bell rings, you take your things and go to the schoolyard to spend recess, tables and hang out spots get filled with friend groups from many classes, all around your age.

You sit quietly in a mildly isolated spot and sit on your phone, scroll mindlessly trough instagram posts.

You feel a presence approaching, you straighten your spine like you've been caught red-handed, you try and emulate normality, like someone just walking towards you is a mundane part of your daily routine, so your eyes go back to your phone, and you try to relax your stiff muscles with encouraging words like "it's okay", "maybe they want to ask about the class", but your made up possible excuses grow useless as the two people that were staring at you, take a seat on the wooden bench next to you, one in each side. They say a few words before sitting, asking if the seats are taken and other questions that seem more rhetorical than anything.

They introduce themselves and try to strike conversation, the most awkward ten minutes of your life, as your answers shift from shy, to nervous, to fake friendliness to defensive and rude one-liners.

Sometimes they look into eachother's eyes, and you can feel that silent electricity in the form of secret messages and expression that due to societal consensus, can carry an entire conversation with just looks. You fear that. You don't posses the skills needed to realize this exchange, this telepathy.

And these conversations are the worst part, not content with invading your space and depriving you of a normal anxiety-free recess before the next period, they nonchalantly badmouth (or bad-eye?) you in your own face. And yes, you're sure it's bad, otherwise, they have no reason to hide it behind knowing smiles and glances, you're not stupid, you recognize they're making fun of you, but you don't want to stand up and leave, and maybe annoy or anger them enough to start being mean. What you have learned in the savagely cruel jungle of highschool socialization, there's the cats and there's the dogs, the dogs are nice to everyone but their victims, and launch to attack you as soon as they see you, they perceive certain things about others to be a threat to their precious social pyramid, so they act to protect it. Then there's the cats, you suspect that these two might be cats, cats are aware of their power within the other minionized working bees, (the ones that do not get any benefits from the stupidity of the social hierarchy, yet prefer to preserve it so they don't end up at the bottom of it) and don't want to attack or get their hands dirty, they enjoy watching bullied kids squirm in discomfort when they are "nice" only to amuse themselves with the anxiety and fear that their victim show, like a cat playing with an animal that's already agonizing and could be finished with a single strike, but they don't want to finish it, they want to see.

For weeks they toy with you this way, seeming infinitely entertained by your fidgeting and stammering, even getting close or throwing an arm over your shoulder just to see your reaction. You hate it, you hate them, you hate when they pretend to listen to you, or get you things to earn your trust, when they smile at you and offer to take you out with a fondness that seems to genuine you almost want to say yes. You hate how you had to stop bringing your sketchbook to school because it was filled with drawings of them, you hate the empty compliments and how you let your heart be fooled just for a little bit before going back to reality. You let yourself lift your feet off the ground just a bit, fly just a bit, thinking that you won't get hurt from that distance, but you become addicted. It doesn't matter if they're big or small highs, you crave their attention and thank heavens above that you don't really have to do anything, they come to you, you ignore that they're doing it to get a good laugh, because for a short moment that night after school, you look at yourself in the mirror while washing your teeth, and you let yourself think that maybe Gayatri was right, and your hair does look better out of your face.

But the bomb finally had to drop, the apple had to fall, the black cloud had to rain, the natural course of things had to be resumed, and they asked you out, not as a friend, like romantically asking you out.

"We wanted to do this more romantic, maybe at sunset or bring flowers, but you never go out after school with us, so this was kind of our only chance" Pavitr states with a lopsided smile that makes the little wrinkles and folds close to his eyes all the more visible, all the more beautiful.

You're trapped in this situation once again, it's a joke, but you have to proceed with caution, rejecting them can cause their pride to be hurt and that could backfire for you, accepting them is off the table, as you don't want to be the laughingstock more than you have already been in their presence, and calling out their bluff could have the same results as your first option, in other circumstances you just feign ignorance and they get too bored by how "dumb and dense" you are, leaving you alone, but this is a confession, this is way too straightforward to do that, so you decide to just buy time until you know what to do.

"I- uhm, this is really sudden and- I think I need to think about it, also I have super strict parents so that's that, and, uhm, I'll have an answer soon"

You hear their disappointed okay's and reassurances before leaving and heading to your house, the bus ride is torture. You knew this day would come, and you still let yourself be comfortable with their existence around you, you honestly would've preferred they were your friends instead, hiding feelings is much easier to deal with than being played this way.

You look at your reflection in the glass, and try to comprehend what is it about your humiliation that makes it so attractive, and what about your personality that makes it so unwanted. What's the point in these sick games people play on you and many others? What do you gain? You spend all that time trying to make someone trust you just to laugh at them behind their back? Everytime you had a friend, you felt like defending them with your life, and even knowing this was all a lie, you catched feelings for Pavitr and Gayatri, so why is it that they're so insensitive? They counted with you saying yes and they'd break your heart afterwards, how can they not feel bad? You continue to spiral.

When you came back to school, they didn't approach you for some time, you figure they accepted defeat and moved on to whatever other hobbies they had. But they still acknowledge you, they still smile at you, and you smile back. You think you finally decoded the secret messages you've seen your whole life. "Are you alright?", "I forgot my book", "it's cold outside" none of these things touch the subject that's keeping you three apart, but you love it too much to make it stop.

You start noticing how much your gloomy days lightened up since Gayatri and Pavitr came into your personal space, you notice how where once was a pillow to keep you from hitting yourself too hard, now there's the hard concrete beneath you, how you're self deprecating mental ramblings aren't stopped by a golden retriever like energy forcing you out the trance, how there's no one to tell you you should make your uniform more form fitting because you have cute shoulders. You notice that for all you tend to distrust and internally badmouth others, the worst company you've had so far, is yourself. You say honesty is the best policy and with that excuse you absolutely wreck yourself and ruin every nice thing you've ever had, you don't allow yourself to buy nice clothes because "it's expensive and you're ugly anyway", you never gave anyone a chance to get to know you in fear they'd bully you, rejecting everyone that came close. You should've waved back to that classmate that one time, you should've said yes to all those times Gayatri and Pav invited you to hang out, you should've actually listened to them talking instead of labeling everyone but you as untrustworthy and shallow. You, Y/N, have always been your personal and number one bully, when you thought you learned to toughen up and be more intelligent instead of naive, the only thing you learned was to replicate the behaviors of the ones hurting you. And even though you still don't believe those two actually want to date you, you are now aware of how pointless and cruel it had been to treat yourself and others the way you did. And now you miss them, now you wish you could go back to your first day here.

You didn't come back to them, and basically you ghosted them, not even looking them in the eye out of shame, you don't want to get hurt, but now you give them the benefit of the doubt, and it's horrible, all those things you thought, all those times you ditched them, you did it thinking it was just survival, that you were dealing with a couple of bored mean kids who latched onto you to mock you, but now your heart breaks thinking of all the genuine smiles you dismissed as a performance, and that the image you painted in your mind, where you were the foolishly in love victim of the heartless villains, could've been more like two people in search of true connection being unappreciated and dumped by someone too insecure and scared to even see them as human beings.

So when they come to you, when they apologize for making things awkward and just beg to spend time with you again, you feel like some sort of cold dictator.

"I shouldn't do this, but, why did you liked me?"

"Why shouldn't we? You're beautiful, and interesting, even though you tend to catch yourself mid-sentence and stop talking, it makes me so happy to see you explaining and ranting about things you like, and how you- sorry, this must be making you uncomfortable" Gayatri had leaned towards you, but after saying the last part, she straighted her spine in a movement all too similar to yours, you didn't like seeing her get away from you

"We're sorry we misinterpreted things, Y/N, but we'd still like to be your friends, not as a consolation prize, but I just really enjoyed spending time with you, and Gayatri did too" Pavitr also controlled his body language, he was usually so touchy and enthusiastic, but now he stands keeping his hands to himself, stiff like an english royal guard.

"I didn't want to hurt you... I realized that, well, I never really treated you with the respect you deserved, for the longest time I thought you were just going to, uhm, it doesn't matter, I'm sorry"

"You can tell us" Pavitr said, his presence eased you

"I thought you were asking me out as a joke, I thought that you were near me to... Laugh"

You expected them to be offended, to call you names and take back their apology, retrieve any sympathy they may have harbored for you, you accused them of something so ill intentioned when they hust wanted to be with you. But they just look at you with sadness, Pavitr sort of reaches for a hug, but stops himself, you notice this, and get close so he can wrap his arms around you, you tremble. Gaya joins, and you feel overwhelmed by the comfort and acceptance, your eyes let out a few tears.

Time passes and your relationship blossoms, you learn a lot of new things about relationships, for example, you learn more about communicating with glances, now you know exactly what they mean.

You know exactly what looks mean, "stop talking", "I don't like them", "don't go away". It seems kind of perfect, sometimes you feel like you're so happy and lucky you'll explode, so you cry, and they comfort you, it makes you feel heard, seen. You are also there to comfort them when they say love is too overwhelming, that they don't understand what else to do with all the love stored for their partners. Kissing so hard it feels like punching, hugging so tight that ribs make a cracking sound and break, all that intensity only makes you feel worthy, makes you feel loved like you've never been.

You had a tendency to compare human behavior to animals, and you keep doing it, because it makes sense, humans in its more raw form, are animals, so it's not surprising that feelings are so intense that they block out humanity, that loving is an animal desire. A love so pure that you can call it violent it's not something you see as wrong, as out-of-place, because that's the love you know, and it's the most perfect relationship you have ever seen.

You have never gotten into a fight, if someone doesn't trust a friend of yours, you simply cut them off, they'd do the same for you, and truth is that you don't have much desire to socialize either.

You never fight, you never yell, and you have two people who will always be on your side, that would jump off a cliff if asked, people who love you so much that they'll defend you from yourself, if you ever feel you owe an apology, they say you don't, in their eyes, you do no wrong, and you trust their judgement simply because you're the same.

You hope that one day you can love as intensely, because that's what they deserve from you.

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

i could be wrong about this (i've been following this blog so long i wouldn't be surprised if im confused lol) but you changed/shifted denominations, right? im catholic, born catholic, but i struggle with what much of the church preaches/supports, and the catholic communities i grew up in are not a great place for queer people. so im looking at other affirming churches where i live, which are mostly united. they all seem great, but i find that im struggling with all the ways they aren't catholic. i find it uncomfortable that there isn't a priest (and find it uncomfortable that i find it uncomfortable), i miss the hymns from my old church, and receiving the eurcharist every sunday, and all the other little rituals i can recite on rote (which i like!). and then i suppose i feel strange for taking space in this church that isn't my own, just because it's more 'convenient', since i dont have much intention to abandon the parts of catholicism i want to keep (like mary and the saints). im not sure whether i should just suck it up and shift denominations entirely, or retain my (kind of shaky, ill admit i reject a fair amount of catholic teachings) catholic beliefs. and even then, im also not sure how to make myself more comfortable with attending a church without the rituals and mass im used to - even though i really really want to attend church again. sorry for blabbing on, but... any advice?

Hey there anon, so sorry for the very long delay; I hope you're doing all right. I was indeed born and raised Catholic, and still deeply love so much about Catholic tradition; I know how hard this decision is — whether to stay or go, whether to keep one foot in and one foot out, etc...

(Oh, one thing I want to mention right away is that you don't need to worry about "taking space" in a church you're not part of yet. Churches are meant to make room for visitors! There is plenty of room for you, and if a church makes you feel otherwise somehow, that's on them. Just bringing that up here because the rest of this long response goes in a different direction lol.)

Ultimately, you're the only one who can decide the right path for you. The good news is that you have as long as you need to figure it out! You might lean in one direction for a while and later realize you need to shift a bit; you don't have to do it all at once.

I can share a bit about my own journey to help you imagine a bit better what it even looks like to walk this path; your path may end up looking similar, or very different from mine. Putting the rest under a readmore because it's so long lol.

I was super devout Catholic all my life, into college. Then going into sophomore year of college I started figuring out I was queer — plus I was encountering more and more kinds of people than I'd ever met before, and questions about where they "fit" into Catholic doctrine and the like.

Sophomore year I started crushing on my then-roommate, now-wife, and exploring my gender a bit more, and I started getting extremely anxious each Sunday at Mass. I couldn't stop wondering what people in the pews with me would think, what they'd do if they knew. That spring semester and then into the fall, I started going to Mass less and less frequently and eventually not at all.

Meanwhile my roomie was going through similar issues with feeling way too alienated from her conservative church to keep attending. So together, we found an LGBT-affirming church near campus and walked there one Sunday. The relief we felt walking in there, seeing other queer people and couples; the warmth and welcome, the chance to hold hands in public for the first time; getting to share communion, which was a big warm loaf of bread, with folks who knew what we were and loved us in, not despite it...was like nothing I'd ever experienced.

We kept going there the rest of the school year. That summer, back in my hometown, I kept going to my childhood church for Catholic Mass. I really loved the affirming church we'd found, but like you I missed so many things that Catholic church has and they just don't: there's a higher sense of reverence at Mass; the singing resonates through my psyche; I weirdly feel Christ more strongly in the little wafer host than in that warm loaf, though the latter made me feel more spiritually connected to the humans around me...

I wanted both. I wanted to keep my relationship with my Saints. I wanted Mary and the rosary. I wanted the high reverence. And I wanted the warmth and connection I found at our new church. I wanted the laughter as children dunked their big chunk of loaf into the chalice, getting crumbs everywhere, even if it made my Catholic sensibilities cringe a little (I write about the "culture shock," getting more accustomed to those eucharistic differences here). I wanted to be surrounded with this much more diverse group of people.

So for years, even as I graduated undergrad and started my studies at a Presbyterian seminary, I've tightrope walked between Catholicism and Protestantism. I took every chance I got in my classes to write my papers (or a whole website) about queer-resonant Saints, or to bring up a book of the Bible that Catholics have but Protestants don't, or to teach classmates what it means that Catholics venerate but don't worship Mary. I went to a Presbyterian church most Sundays, but to Catholic Mass on holy days like Good Friday.

Keeping one foot in the Catholic Church — going to Mass a few times a year, cultivating my relationships with Saints privately, writing lots of poems about everything I was feeling (like this one and this one) — while spending most of my time and building up community within the PC(USA) was what worked for me for many years. Sometimes it would get frustrating; often when visiting a Catholic church I'd feel that anxiety wonder what would happen if someone there called me out for being queer. Often I'd feel alienated, lonely, wishing I could bring my whole self into one place if that makes sense; but I made it work.

Then things took a painful turn late last May — content warning for religious trauma & transphobia from a Catholic priest. I was visiting home, and that meant dropping by my childhood church for Mass. When the priest I've known almost my whole life, who gave me my first communion and Confirmed me, got halfway through his homily, it suddenly turned into transphobic condemnation. I felt like the floor had dropped out from under me. I decided to speak up; I interrupted Mass to assert that queer people are beloved by God; I was escorted out of my childhood church. It was really, really painful; it still really hurts.

I haven't visited a Catholic church since then. And it breaks my heart I'll never feel safe about going back to my childhood church again :'(

I bring up this traumatic moment not to scare you away from keeping some part of you in the Catholic Church — so many of us do remain partially or all the way in it despite its failures. Hopefully you'll never encounter something this overtly queerphobic. But I bring it up to say that if you stay in the Catholic Church, you probably will encounter things over the years — hopefully small, maybe big — that bring you pain. Little ways comments chip at your sense of worth and dignity; new documents from the Vatican that speak against queerness.

But honestly, you'll probably encounter a little hurt wherever you go. No church, no community at all, is perfect. People say and do thoughtless things. You'll probably experience less of that in an LGBT affirming church, but wherever you go, you'll need to gradually amass spiritual shields — connection to the divine, to other people, places you go for refuge.

I haven't returned to a Catholic church since that incident — but I have made relationships I wouldn't have made otherwise. Various people who attended my childhood church's grade school reached out to me to thank me for my courage; one of them even wrote an article about what I did and what she and her friends experienced as students there. Someone from my home state's branch of Dignity USA reached out to me.

I've sort of "officially" let myself sever that last thread connecting me to anything Roman Catholic, to the institution; but I hold on to the elements of Catholic tradition that bring me spiritual nourishment. They can pry Mary and the Saints from my cold dead hands (no actually! not even then!)

...So that's my personal journey up to the present day. (I also sum up my sort of situationship identifying as an agnostic Catholic Presbyterian in this post.) But others have different paths.

I know so many queer Catholics, ex-Catholics, not-sure-where-they-fit type folks...there are:

queer Catholics who stick with the Catholic Church completely;

or who occupy a sort of liminal in-between, sticking to the Catholic edges but still interacting with Catholic institutions.

I know others who completely left all things Catholic behind, not just the institutions but all Saints, songs, etc.

If you're interested in listening to / reading about a few other people's experiences, I've interviewed a few queer Catholics on my podcast:

there's Emma Cieslik, who archives all sorts of queer Catholic experiences in her own oral history project;

There's K Kriesel, whose life has taken them all around the Catholic center and many different peripheries;

There's Amy Neville, who studies art history and incorporates Catholicism into their queer art; and others too.

____

Sorry if all that was way more than you were looking for! But I hope exploring some of the journeys of others who've been in a similar place to you might help a bit.

A few other things I'll tack on:

If there are any Episcopal churches near you (that mention being LGBT friendly on their website), their vibe will be much closer to what you love from Catholicism than a UCC church is. Lutherans are also closer in vibe and often LGBT affirming.

It's possible there might be a (non-Roman) Catholic community near you that is LGBT-affirming — check out this post for more about liberal Catholics, Independent Catholics, and more.

The previously linked post also brings up organizations that aim to make the Catholic Church more LGBT-inclusive, like DignityUSA. You might find that one of those orgs has a branch near you where you can find support and commiseration.

Finally, you may also like looking through my #queer and Catholic tag, and also maybe my #lgbta patron saints tag.

Sending you love and wishing you peace, joy, and a sense of belonging. I know how hard this in-between time is, when you just don't know what to do or where to go — but God is with you on this journey. They will be with you wherever you go; in fact, the liminal spaces, the in-between not-quite-this-or-that people, are the places and people through which God most often acts <3

[heliossecretdeskdrawer]

Off The Clock

Continuity: IDW1

Rating: Explicit

Relationships: Megatron/Rodimus

Characters: Rodimus & Megatron

Warnings: Sticky Sexual Interfacing, Porn Without Plot, Masturbation, Voyeurism

Summary: In which Rodimus tries to ask Megatron something while he's off-shift.

Crossposting: AO3 | Dreamwidth Fic under cut. See AO3 for complete notes.

One of these days, Rodimus would learn to knock.

Unfortunately—or maybe it was fortunate, from a certain perspective—today was not the hypothetical day in question.

It seemed a little stupid, however, to be standing just past the threshold of his co-captain’s quarters with a datapad in hand while said co-captain was seated on the edge of his berth with a finger resting on his glowing anterior node.

Rodimus had been planning to ask him why Ultra Magnus had denied a line item on Brainstorm’s expense report for a recent project … uncharacteristically without comment. Usually any denials would be accompanied by several paragraphs of explanation, with relevant policies cited down to the specific relevant clause. The only possible explanation for this change in behavior must have been that Mags was suffering from some illness without telling anyone… anyone except his war criminal confidant.

Who was presently, uh, occupied.

And glaring right at him, finger frozen in place. Much like the icy bloom of embarrassment in Rodimus’s spark.

Mouth hanging open like a moron, Rodimus rifled through his processor to try and find anything to say, anything that could make up for just thoughtlessly bursting in on what was clearly a… delicate situation for his good buddy.

“Uh.” Not enough. “My bad.”

Nailed it.

Now to just step backward through the open door and not let his optics drift downward—The red glow from the partially obstructed node haloing the black finger, moist with lubricant, that had been caressing it was dangerously attention-grabbing. His feet were frozen to the floor.

The lubricant coating the finger and smearing the partially visible valve folds told him that Megatron had been at this for at least a several minutes… if not longer. It was possible Rodimus had walked in after an overload or two, but certainly not at the very outset.

“You constantly tell me to take time off.” Megatron scoffed, rolling his optics. “And then when I do, you show up to hand off work anyway.”

At least he only seemed to be mildly annoyed. Sometimes the glares were difficult to tell apart; “I’m tired and need a warm beverage” and “I’m listening intently to what you’re saying” and “I’m going to commit unimaginably violent crimes against you personally” all looked very similar. Though, to Megatron’s credit, the last one was more of an unlikely hypothetical these days and Rodimus knew that.

“… You know what, I’ll, uh… I’ll just ask you about this later. I can see that you’re busy.”

The automatic door slid shut behind him with a soft hiss; Rodimus hadn’t beaten the preset close timer. Sure, he could turn around and open it but that would be even more awkward than attempting awesomely moonwalk back into the hall. Which he totally could have done if he had been a nanoklik faster.

And not staring directly at the light under Megatron’s stalled finger.

His face felt warm.

His arms, now aching from being kept in a weird posture, were still held out at his sides from when he had first walked through the door, having stopped mid-stride.

“Do you think this is some kind of show?”

“I—No….” But if it was, he would consider watching.

“Then why are you staring?” That was a great question. “Surely, this is nothing you haven’t seen before; you’ve doubtlessly seen pornographic recordings of people pleasuring themselves. Hardly traumatic. Are you finished here?”

The finger continued to stay right where it was. Not even a twitch. That was some kind of discipline.

And from this angle, Rodimus couldn’t see anything more than the gentle curve of the front side of valve folds.

“If I said ‘no,’ would you be mad?”

The fingertip finally twitched against the smooth surface of the node. The heat from his face went immediately south, certain components throbbing behind their panels with growing interest.

“Not necessarily.”

Rodimus had worked with Megatron long enough to know that meant “no.”

“I’ll… uh… pull up a chair then.”

Rodimus tossed the datapad aside to clatter away on the floor before grabbing a chair from elsewhere in the room. He placed it squarely in front of the corner of the berth where Megatron had perched. A few paces between them to ensure a good view.

He had yet to decide how best to enjoy his good fortune, instead simply opting to let his knees fall widely apart… open to possibilities.

Megatron, however, hadn’t waited for him to get settled. His finger was already hard at work, slowly circling the node and leaving a wet smear in its wake. The light brightened as it was uncovered, now illuminating the soaked berth pad peaking out from underneath the valve folds, confirming Rodimus’s suspicions that he had showed up partway through the session.

“Have you already—“ “Only the once so far.” Then there would probably be a fair amount of show remaining, not that Rodimus knew how many times Megatron tended to overload during a session.

There was a brief, breathy laugh.

“I never took you for a voyeur.”

There was a flash of shame in Rodimus’s spark.

“What are you talking about? Everyone likes—”

Megatron just laughed again, not stopping the slow circling of his middle finger, the motion banishing Rodimus’s shame. The other fingers of his hand held the closest folds away from the node, but with this angle, they revealed nothing of the valve itself. That was still hidden underneath Megatron’s body as he remained sitting upright.

Rodimus pouted, his own hand just waiting on his own panels. He still hadn’t decided.

“I never took you for an exhibitionist.”

“I’m not.”

There probably would have been news reports during the war about it, now that Rodimus thought about it. It would have been hard to hide for someone already in the spotlight.

“Then what?”

“You’ll see.”

Rodimus hummed in doubt.

His own middle finger started mirroring the motion he was watching against the closed paneling of his array. That made it easy to make a decision.

He would choose solidarity then.

The panel retracted with a soft click and he let his hand slip down to pick up lubricant. It was tempting to lean over steal some of Megatron’s more than ample supply—and maybe give his node a flew playful flicks—but that seemed a little too forward.

Unlike Megatron, he also leaned back in the chair, leaving the entirety of his valve’s exterior on display. Modesty had already been thrown out the window.

With a grin, he started circling his own node, glowing orange in contrast to the red of his companion. A pleasant tingle began to build in his circuits, just beginning to soothe over the ache of arousal.

The speed of Megatron’s hand suddenly picked up, switching from circling to a simple up and down rub of the swollen end of the node with the slippery fingertip. The wet noise of the lubricant as it was pushed around echoed in the otherwise quiet room.

“Oh, now I see.” His own node throbbed under his hand at the sight.

“You yourself said ‘everyone.’” Megatron was interrupted by a soft, choked moan, like he had tried to hold it in. “This should hardly come as a surprise.”

More lubricant seeped out onto the berth pad, saturating it. His legs tensed and puffed out of his vents.

Rodimus could feel his gaze locked hungrily on the clumsy motion of Rodimus’s hand awkwardly trying to catch up. Megatron had had a significant head start.

Megatron shouted as his finger stopped rubbing, the node underneath pulsing against its captor.

For a few moments, Rodimus paused his own circling, watching Megatron’s hulking frame heave forward to ventilate as he remained precariously in place on the corner of the berth. What if it was over already? He certainly hoped not.

“Are you—“

With a shake of his head, Megatron thrust his middle finger downward, underneath to relubricate. The loud squelch and the slight lift of hips told Rodimus that he had gone directly to the source. While nothing was visible beyond the flex of Megatron’s wrist and the jump of his knuckle as the finger was repeatedly pumped in and out of soft silicone, Rodimus got the picture.

He opened his mouth to ask if he could see, but before any words could come out, Megatron’s hand retreated from its foxhole to once more massage his node.

It appeared they would, thankfully, be busy for awhile.

--

A hand gently grabbed Rodimus’s shoulder before he could pass through the doorway.

He paused and a scuffed up datapad appeared in front of him.

“You almost left this behind.”

“What is it—Oh.”

That was right; the datapad with the denied expense report and Brainstorm’s complaint. Rodimus had entirely forgotten about it. He also didn’t recall it looking so banged up, but then again… he had tossed it aside with reckless abandon in favor of… other, far more interesting things.

He took it from Megatron’s grasp, turning around to face him.

“I’ll have you look at it later.” If he didn’t forget to ask, though he could count on Brainstorm to follow up regularly when it was his grant money on the line. “When you’re not, uh, taking a break.”

“What is it anyway?”

A dangerous question that could very well lead into working off the clock and they both knew that. But, at that point, that would be Megatron’s problem. Rodimus had already acknowledged that this was supposed to be a “work free” time. If Megatron pursued official tasks anyway, well, that was on him now.

Now it was an opportunity for Rodimus to offload this task.

“Oh, this? Nothing much, just an expense report.” A bright, eager grin stretched across his face. “Mags denied it without any comments—“

“Again?” Megatron cut him off, scoffing like he’d been told a joke beneath his dignity. Did Megatron still have any dignity? “The software update last week rearranged the menu; Ultra Magnus must have hit the wrong button without realizing. It’s happened a couple of times—simple mistake, but, regrettably, the whole thing will have to be reentered fresh. A tedious reduplication of work. Have it resubmitted.”

Rodimus stood there with his mouth still hanging open but the sentence he had been in the middle of.

That certainly wasn’t the explanation he had been expecting, but he also hadn’t experienced any issues with the rearranged menu. It hadn’t even occurred to him that it could have been a problem. At least that was easily solved.

“Uh, great. Thanks.”

Megatron continued, changing topics.

“Shall I see you again at same time in, say, three days?”

[soft-bellied-tannies]

Little Bite #36

This is not a typical little bite drabble or draft, but I have these short HCs for all seven on what gaining from a lack of control over their eating would look like that I've developed and wanted to share.

Feel free to share your own or send ideas expanding on these if you would like! ---

Jin

Jin has always eaten for enjoyment and pleasure yet with moderation and control. He grew up wanting for very little in a well-off family though that also came with the expectation of appearance. Not necessarily fitting an image of fit and slim, but it did carry a tone of requiring politeness and control - never a social setting acceptable to appear gluttonous or improper. 

Once on his own with less reason to ‘perform’ for his family and more independence to make his own choices, Jin explored his hobbies and tastes with a seemingly endless budget. If he wanted to try a new restaurant or attempt a new recipe, nothing was stopping him. He already had an indulgent personality and the newfound freedom did little for his flimsy willpower. 

Replacing clothes, stocking his kitchen, and ordering food when he didn’t want to cook wasn’t even a thought because he was enjoying himself. Life is nothing without happiness and if food is his happiness at the moment, why limit it? Hitting limits like physical comfort, burdening insecurity, and addressing concerns about his weight are problems for future Jin.

Yoongi

Yoongi is completely unaware of his appetite capabilities leading to him becoming reliant on food for contentedness, a feeling he is chasing more and more as time goes on.

The realization of lack of control and gaining is a surprise, but it also does little to disrupt his habits because the warmth and comfort of finally being content that comes with being full or even just sturdier is ten times better than caring about his appearance. 

Indulging also brings in a newfound sense of connection that he lacked with his habits of overworking and isolation. Social interactions with his close people often center around food which is where the slip into overeating begins.

He finds himself craving those feelings even when he is alone and that is when eating becomes a desired comfort rather than a basic necessity. Yoongi will eventually take on the mindset that gaining weight is a show of his comfort and that is more than acceptable for him.

Hoseok

Hobi is the picture-perfect image of control. All aspects of his personality and life reflect his natural ability to lead, maintain, and dictate. Control is something that brings him peace and security which is why he exercises it so freely yet firmly. Little he does in life threatens his control which is an active choice he makes to ensure it stays intact. 

However, as life is for everyone, one cannot control everything. When something enters Hobi’s life that completely removes his control, he becomes reactive and impulsive to do anything to get that control back as soon as possible.

If something were to happen physically like getting injured or dealing with a minor but prolonged illness, he would take any advice to ‘fix’ what he can. Being forced to make changes and adjust his routines due to this new obstacle taking control would frustrate him in ways almost nothing can touch his strong resolve. 

Hobi does nothing casually, the full effort being made in all his choices so if the advice is to bulk up and regain his strength to heal and return to normal life quicker, he would take drastic action to make that happen. In his haste to take his control over his life back, Hobi unintentionally dismantles his control surrounding food.

Namjoon

Namjoon views everything in life to have purpose and eating is fuel for him in all ways. He may even start with the feeling that food is fuel for physical needs, but stress would bring on an attitude that food is also fuel for his mind and emotions. This shift in thinking would turn him from an intentional and functional eater to an unintentional and reactive eater. 

Namjoon would also have a surface-level apathy toward body expectations where outwardly he doesn't buy into expectations and his body can look however it looks without consideration of other people.

Although internally, he slowly falls into a spiral about the way his body is changing as well as how his thoughts and feelings are changing. In response to his emotional spiral, the overeating continues and even increases almost in a way to prove to himself that it’s okay.

Jimin

Jimin is all too knowing of his appetite capabilities, but he is truly unable to control it once he lets his restrictions drop. He is unable to get the control back in place after realizing how far he's gone, but he also a small shameful part of him is uninterested in regaining that control.

There is a level of relief Jimin feels in giving up his restrictive, unhealthy mindset that he cannot reach with any other coping mechanism. Nothing brings him quite the same comfort as undoing the long and often painful methods of maintaining his once concerningly small physique.

While the weight gain isn’t entirely healthy for him mentally either, there is no longer any physical weakness or devastating lack of energy so he will endure the other end of the spectrum mentally to avoid restricting himself.

With time, he would eventually begin to regain his confidence and accept the happiness that enjoying food freely brings him. It's clear that given how his body and mind reacted, giving up that intense control over his weight was actually better for him even if he is much bigger now than he ever imagined he would be.

Taehyung

Taehyung is an artist at heart and would find an ‘experience’ in everything, even a simple meal. He is also a social butterfly and saying yes to those experiences at new places with old friends or well-loved places with new friends brings him joy. So what if he goes out for every meal in a single day if it was with people he loves?

It isn’t so much of a lack of control in terms of eating for Taehyung, it’s that he allows his want for connection to outweigh the signals from his brain and body that he’s eaten enough. Social eating and drinking can be mindless and longer than an averagely proportioned dinner at home.

No matter the consequences, regaining his control over food is not something Taehyung is interested in when his relationships are thriving more than ever, and deep down, he knows that putting those limits on himself would be no easy feat. 

Taehyung likes to tell himself that overeating and poor food choices only happen when he is out with people, but if he were honest with himself, he would acknowledge that those habits start happening at home pretty quickly.

Ordering out for almost every meal is his routine and those orders get bigger and bigger over time. He can’t even simply talk on the phone or have a friend over for a casual afternoon chat without wanting to eat.

Jungkook

Having a big appetite has been Jungkook’s normal his entire life. In his teenage years, it was as if he could never actually feel full, but it also did not look as if he was eating enough for a family of four in a single day. A hyperactive lifestyle and unbelievably high metabolism made gaining weight the farthest thing from his mind. 

Jungkook was also a homebody, attached to his routine and safety net. Any disruption of those brought on debilitating episodes of anxiety until he adjusted. Major life changes like moving away for college, losing loved ones, or prolonged tension between people he was close with could completely disrupt his ‘normal’. 

Jungkook had tried many things and finally found that eating was a bigger comfort than he realized. The feeling of being heavier, that warm fullness, is unexpectedly grounding so overeating becomes a coping mechanism for his anxiety.

Unfortunately, growing older means many parts of his life become more sedentary and his metabolism ages with him so while his coping mechanism helps him more than anything else mentally, it becomes quite a problem for his waistline.

[bittersweetbonbon]

rushed thesis on a sburbian reading of on guard 43/admonition

okay. so. my theorem is that each of the seven "main characters" of on guard 43 can be mapped to a homestuck aspect, and ill describe (messily) the reasons why below. im not gonna go over all of them, since i only have a decent grasp on a few on them, so if anyone wants to chime in with their thoughts, PLEASE feel free!

placeholder mcdoctorate? time player. 100%. he is doing time player shit all fucking day. its weird and abstracted time player shit, but that's because the foundation isn't playing by sburb rules. anyways, the REISNO cannon is literally a time travel device, just like dave's turntables and aradia's quartz music boxes. he has to kill alternate versions of his friends, and time players are heavily associated with death. the REISNO cannon created a doomed timeline that was brought to end by outside forces. he's even in contact with versions of himself from the future. he's a goddamn sburb time player, i swear to fucking fuck. if it wasn't intentional on the author's part, then hussian brain programming must be installed very, very deep indeed.

lillian lillihammer? mind player. shes very concerned with her self, and meddles with other people's states of mind (thats what memetics are for, after all) as well as her own. her eidetic memory? memories are how the brain creates the mind. hers can't be tampered with that easily, even with timeline shifts. mind player trait. also, she ran off while transitioning so nobody she knew would perceive her transition, which feels very mind player to me for reasons i can't articulate since i'm very tired while writing this.

doctor william wallace wettle? light player. either fully inverted light player, or just a class that starts with an absolute fuckton of negative aspect relation. light isn't just about information, it's about luck, and wettle is incredibly lacking in both departments, to an absolute comical degree. he even degrades the luck of those around him! and while some people would argue "oh thats just void aspect-" i have to disagree. void is about concealment of information, not just a lacking of it, and also void has nothing to do with luckiness whatsoever? and also....

harold blank? void player. i think. this one im not too sure on, actually, but for one, i couldnt resist the pun of blank void, but also, it seems to me that wettle and blank are both inverted of their aspects. wettle is incredibly unlucky, and blank's informational exposition is scattered throughout various tales - always just enough information to provide context, but nothing more. honestly, it might be that they're absorbing each other's aspects, in some fucked up way, or something. anyways, his whole deal of pouring over the past to find things that might happen in the future reads as void to me, and also as seer class. determining what isn't yet from what already is or isn't and then using that to prevent (or void out) an event entirely.

karen elstrom? heart player. an inversion of the mind aspect, karen is both incredibly gullible and difficult to influence. she can't see the trees for the forest, so to speak. honestly she seems concerned with how people view her, but in the opposite way to lillian. she wants people to dislike her, to hate her, as it makes her job of managing the relationships of others easier. and the heart aspect is all about relationships. better to take herself out of the equation, or keep herself as a static variable, right?

anyways, yeah, that's my rushed and honestly incomplete thesis on what aspects the on guard 43 characters would be. hope you enjoyed!!

[colorisbyshe]

People are arguing about the effectiveness/moralness of self immolation as a protest tactic in the notes of my post and I neeeed y'all to know you are part of the fucking problem. You are absolutely part of the problem.

Self immolation SHOULD be effective. Something that extreme should be effective (though, obviously not encouraged, please do not kill yourselves) and being dismissive of it and immediately positioning yourself as like... more politically savvy than the person who literally JUST killed themselves is fucking disgusting.

Watching a clip as a man slowly crumbles into himself as he is burned alive and saying "This accomplishes nothing" is gross and if you think my post was doing that, I have failed. Pointing out political action is rarely recorded in the history books wasn't me saying it does nothing--it was me saying "history books" love to suppress actual history if it doesn't fit their narrative. If it threatens the status quo and might inspire others to work for change and strike out against structural powers.

Obviously, no one single act or person can totally change everything. There is no radical shift from one life taken (and his life WAS taken by this administration more than it was taken by himself).

It's about the collective total of ALL of our actions--the big, the small, the palatable, and the ugly, which this was. There's a REASON why the press is refusing to report on his death accurately and there is a REASON he went out of his way to fight that and document his death so clearly, identifying himself, live streaming, declaring his intent and cause with his last fucking breath.

It's because his actions do inspire change when properly witnessed. This isn't something that is meant to make Biden go "Oh, shit, stop the genocide" but it is meant to wake up everyone else. People who loved him, people who served with him, people who didn't serve with him but also feel trapped by military contracts, people who felt the genocide was bad but hadn't quite been pushed to action yet.

Viewing this as a singular political event that was intended to change everything shows YOU are the one who doesn't know what is or isn't effective. Political action is ALWAYS about the COLLECTIVE impact and about mobilizing a larger front.

Immediately dismissing what he did as mentally ill or well-intentioned but ineffective is kneecapping the impact. Just so you can feel smug. It's the same energy as people saying donating in small amounts won't do anything, even if those donations add up to something large.

It's obvious to me when y'all are saying shit just to make yourselves feel above everyone else. Where you're doing everything just to prove you're a smart, moral person. Nothing is derived from empathy or thinking of the collective. It's just about you.

Nevermind that even if it is "ineffective," how fucking dare you look at someone driven to one of the most painful forms of suicide, using his final moments to desperately cry for change and say his death doesn't matter. How fucking dare you. Genuinely, what is wrong with you?

[anemoiashifts]

why everyone won’t shift.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.

“do you think everyone will shift?”

no.

“but if they really want they’ll eventually—“

no.

before you pick up your pitchforks & form an angry mob in the comments, hear me out.

first & foremost. what is a want ? a want is something you desire. but not every want is desired. for example, ive been thinking of getting a cat once i move out of my parents house. i want the animal & have the funds for it. when i dig deeper in my desire, i see all the vet trips, the having to feed it & take care of it & i realized that i don’t actually want the cat at the moment. im not ready to make that drastic of a change in my life. on the surface, id like one but i don’t want to take on the responsibility for taking care of a pet at the moment.

i like the idea of getting a cat (shifting) — but when the actual time comes to get a cat (actually shift), i don’t actually want a new pet at the moment (to create that big of a change because i am comfortable with my situation & not mentally prepared / mature enough).

i made a post about comfort already. what previously spoke about can tie into this.

if you don’t actually want something & just like fantasizing about it, that’s okay. but fantasy & imagination needs to be backed by intention. you need intention & effort put into your shifting attempts. ive seen so so many people say “i tried to shift” & all they do is say “i said one affirmation & rolled over & went to sleep & hoped i would wake up in my dr.”

you could say a million affirmations & hope you will wake up in your dr & not shift. you know why ? hope. it’s not hoping you will shift — it’s that internal knowing. it’s letting go fully of the comfort & all you know of this life to go to another & a lot of people don’t want to do that even if they say they do. again, they like the idea of shifting, but aren’t stopping to consider that you’re actually living it.

this isn’t a bad thing. if you actually have come to the conclusion that you don’t want to shift & are in the community — that’s okay. if you’re just interested in the science or content for the subject & that’s why you’ve stumbled across this blog, i don’t have an issue with that.

when i say not everyone will shift, i mean that not everyone wants to shift in the first place despite what they may say. what they want is an escape. time & time again i see comments on tiktok say “i want to get out of this reality”. that statement has nothing to do with wanting to shift — it’s wanting to get out of the situation you are in. you do not have to shift to get out of your current situation. if you live with family or are younger, it’s different, i understand.

if you’re someone who thinks “when i shift, ill be happy.” no no no. happiness comes from within you. while the 3d can bring you momentarily happiness, that only lasts so long. if you don’t have internal happiness & self love those feelings won’t last. shifting — in my option — can sometimes be putting a bandaid on a bigger issue & that’s loneliness & a yearning for another life. you can solve both of those right here at anytime.

lastly, shifting takes effort despite what you may think. “but such and such shifted without trying”. cool, that’s them. but have you ? if you’re reading this im going so safely assume at least a handful of you are saying “no” internally. when you want something you have to work for it. weather that be manifestation or putting yourself first. if you wake up & think “i didn’t shift” or “i hate this world it’s sucks” guess what ?? you’re focusing on the negative. what you pay attention to & give your energy to expands because you’re shifting awareness to it. you make up your thoughts & control them, thus affecting the 3d.

im not saying you can’t shift with negative mindsets or anything. im saying confidence helps a ton. how are you going to believe other people can shift when you can’t even extend that belief to yourself ? you’re making it much, much harder for yourself. doing healing work, finding the root cause of why you want to shift (for love, sense or belonging, etc.) & finding that here first, may alleviate the desperation to shift. when you have a sense of knowing, there’s nothing to be desperate about because whatever happens, you know the outcome already.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚.

[to-mah-to27]

I truly don't know if I have to will to make this into a full fic but I can keep continuing the plot

for those of you who did not see it, I'm talking about this post au where Shun is the main character and it is the story of the Jet Black Wing

Ok so season three comes to a head when Aren finally catches Saiki in the act, but Shun isn't there and he confronts Saiki. And Saiki says "You have no idea the complexities of this problem. Just a naive kid playing hero." and Aren tries to fight him but ends up getting hit over the head and his short-term memory erased.

THEN

The beginning of season four is a replay of that confrontation but from Kusuo's point of view. And we're like whaaaat because in all three seasons prior we have never been in Kusuo's point of view before.

In season one it seemed like it would only be from Shun's point of view because he is the main character. But then after the reveal, it makes more sense that we don't see through Saiki's point of view because we aren't meant to root for him after all. And then in season three the point of view regularly shifts between Shun and Aren, further emphasizing that Saiki isn't meant to be there.

So when season four starts in Kusuo's point of view it is a big deal. And it is the same fight but from his point of view and Aren confronts him, telling him the same things he's been listening to Shun say for the past three seasons ever since he got Black Beat in his arm and he had to start following him around to make sure that he couldn't interfere with his plans. "Why are you trying to destroy the world! There are so many innocent people who don't deserve to die! What could you possibly hope to achieve?" And Kusuo responds the same as he did in the finale that Aren doesn't understand and he's just naive and wants to play hero. But even as he says it he is thinking that it isn't true because really it's -Shun_ who he believes this about. And he's been saying in his head over and over and over as he justifies that he still has to do this.

Because the world is a terrible place full of selfish, greedy people who pretend to care on the outside but will take any chance they can to use people and then backstab them. And since humanity has so clearly failed they need to be eradicated and start over from scratch.

And in all the time he has spent with Shun, he has seen all the ways the hero breaks that perception by being kind and giving and genuine in his intentions to help, expecting nothing in return. So he has been telling himself that Shun doesn't count, that he's just some naive kid who doesn't get all the evil in the world, who doesn't understand it or see it and he's only acting the way he is because of a sense of pride at being a hero.

But since Aren joined, he's had a sense of inner turmoil about this that he's been trying desperately to ignore, because Aren has those same kind, honest intentions Shun does.

Aren, who was one of the power-hungry people he employed to help him destroy the world, only for them to realize in the end that they were going to be destroyed too. Aren, who is strong and perceptive and who readily knows about the ill intentions of many of the people they meet. He isn't naive. He isn't even trying to be a hero. He just wants to help Shun, whose forgiveness gave him a new chance at life.

Then he erased Aren seeing him use his powers to sabotage Shun and for the rest of season four every once in a while there will be an episode from Kusuo's perspective, showcasing his inner conflict about these two people disproving what he knows to be the dark truth about the world.

Shun can tell that his good friend and ally Saiki is struggling with something, and he tries to help and to get Saiki to open up about it. But Saiki has never been the talkative type, so he can't quite get it out of him. Not knowing of course, that it has to do with something Saiki would never tell him, that he is the very enemy they have spent so much time fighting. And Shun's words of faith in him from season two echo is Kusuo's mind.

Is there a way to destroy this world without destroying these two honest people? Does he have to make them hate him in order to do it? Will Shun's spirit break when he finds out the truth?

[strangefable]

i have some strong feelings about nanowrimo. (edit: and i'm putting it all under a readmore now, since I had a lot to say actually.)

i was there in the early years. i was an ML for a few years. i had a very strong community, and many friendships, and even one of the most important romantic relationships of my life, (as well as one of the worst) because of the community i found there. it fueled so much of my creativity while i was in college and in the confusing years afterward. i wrote SO MUCH because of nanowrimo. i found a home among other weird writers.

then baty stepped away. others stepped forward, and i watched year after year, as the entire organization slowly shifted to... something else. something without the heart or purpose or vigor or soul that the was the whole point of the exercise. some were good things, at first. attempts to expand spaces for younger writers. outreach with schools and libraries. and some things were never good. there became more and more focus on SPONSORS and 'prizes' in the form of endless adverts for said sponsors as 'coupons' for their products. some of this was good, actually, i got scrivener because of one of those early deals, and it changed how i wrote significantly for the better. but that was when there was only two or three 'sponsors' involved, and they were very much also indie projects at the time.

then things started getting sketchy with how MLs were treated and community functions were mishandled. then there were rumors and whispers about things being a bit... off in the YWP. and the sponsors were everywhere. tons of them. constantly. the people i'd known forever started to leave in trickles and then in droves. the community was gone. the MLs left were unsupported and struggling to get communication from hq. it was readily apparent that the head office had become a fucking shitshow.

then came the truth about what was going on in YWP. which was horrifying. and yet. they did nothing. tried to sweep it under the rug. pretended it was just a misunderstanding, same old bullshit. and i cried, because i saw what had become of a once wholesome beautiful thing, now marred by greed and people with ill intent and no interest in the craft whatsoever.

and now everyone is talking about this AI touting from them as if it's a shock. a surprise. it's not. this has been the path chosen for years. by people who took over a nonprofit that was never meant to be a large unwieldy organization in the first place. they treated it like a business. they're running it like a corporation. they have been for a while now.

those of us who were there, we know this. we watched it happen, year after year. this isn't a surprise. it is a betrayal, but it's not a surprise. this was never the spirit of nanowrimo, that was lost long, long ago.

the spirit was always the mad, unfettered joy in the act of creating. of shutting out the world, of shutting out all the voices in your own head telling you you couldn't do this, and just. doing it anyway. for the joy of it. for the challenge and love of it. and you can still do that. any damn time you want. with any people you wish to include. you don't need corporate overlords for that.

baty started this whole thing by getting a bunch of friends together, and essentially double-dog daring each other into 'we're each going to write a whole novel in 50k words in this month, and we're gonna cheer each other on as we do it'. and they just did that. at coffee shops and bookstores and each other's dining rooms all over san fransico.

so. like. just do that. fuck whatever those chucklefucks are doing with the name on it. they're not necessary. they never were. just do it. make it your own. that was always the point anyway.